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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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the nine books i read this year (part two)

this is a continuation of my review on the books i've read this past year. first half is here, 1-4. and this will be 5-9.

continuing on…

I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

i cannot sing enough praises for this autobiography. i'm not the type to read books like this. i've never been interested in auto/biographies, it's just not the type of books i'm into. but this book…. dear lord, i wanted to put it down bc of how fucked up it was, but i couldn't. i just had to keep reading.

i cried a bunch, so… in case you needed to know.

but i seriously recommend this book to anyone that is curious about it. find a library, buy a copy, do whatever you need to do to get your hands on this book. it was written fantastically . i was never bored while reading, mostly bc the events that occur are that fucked up but also bc it was just written so entertainingly. super dark, but with a lot of dark comedy in it. if you have never been interested in reading autobiographies, this one will make you interested.

also… i'm glad her mom is dead too.

Rating: 5/5

The Sweetest Oblivion by Danielle Lori

this was one of two audiobooks i got this year. so i got a free subscription to audible for a month and got paradise island by snc. then i accidentally kept the subscription for another month, and got another free credit and so i ended up getting this one. idk why, but the way i found this book was by this meme i saved:

and at the very bottom is the book. all the other ones kinda look like books you would find at a checkout line of cvs so… that's kinda why i picked this one instead lol

found out it was a mafia story. was intrigued bc i've never read one before.

safe to say it, i don't like mafia stories. or at least this one.

i think the reason overall why i didn't love this story was bc i'm just not into amoral characters as love interests. like within the first couple pages, the love interest shoots someone in the head. and that's not the only time someone dies in this story. so it was just like… ehh, i don't love that and it would just kinda pull me out of it. i think when it comes to vampire stories, i can remove the parts where ppl die bc it's a fantasy novel. or usually they try to have a redemption arc for the character that used to kill. but in a mafia story, the mafia still exists. that's not that far removed from what happens currently. hell, my dad went to school with philly mafia members. it's not that far away from real life for me, if that makes any sense.

that's not to say i know any mafia ppl. but you get my idea, right? vampires aren't real, so when they kill it's slightly more forgivable compared to a human that could actually exist currently. also there is no redemption arc for this main guy character. he still kills and is still part of the mafia by the end of the story. to have a redemption arc, he would have to be completely removed from the story and the main conflict which is the two families coming together. aka not be in the story at all lol

i will say tho, the sex in this story… pretty spicy. and that meme wasn't wrong about him being obsessed with her. as you can see, i enjoy a story with an obsessive/jealous guy. i'm not gonna unpack that, but just know i enjoyed those parts of the story.

OH there was one part i didn't like. i kinda have to give away some key details so if you want to skip the rest of the this review for this story feel free. i'll put the spolier parts in red.

so, the main girl character is seen as a once good girl now black sheep of her family, but only bc she slept with a guy that wasn't chosen by her family. she lost her virginity to this guy. this guy ends up getting killed by her family bc of him sleeping with her. mind you, he didn't know she was mafia or anyhting. so the whole time the family and other ppl that are mafia members treat her like she's a slut bc she slept with ONE fucking dude. like her dad literally won't give her to the main love interest bc he sees her as damaged goods for the most part. and she feels so much shame in the story for sleeping WITH ONE FUCKING DUDE. and then on top of that, the guys are allowed and expected to sleep with whoever they want once they are married but the women… no. idk if this is true to actual mafia shit or not, but either way…. fucking gross and i hated it :)

overall, the story itself was fine. the sex scenes were good but not that many. also i came to the realization that i can't listen to audiobooks without physically reading the story along with it. thank god you can search pretty much any story and add pdf at the end and find it online lol

just realized i never said anything about the voice acting. uh, it was fine. i liked the girl actor more than the guy. it felt like his volume on his mic was super low compared to hers. also it was kinda funny the way she would read his voice and then when it would flip to his and he sounded nothing like her. but i don't think this made the story any better. and i also realized i don't like ppl reading out sex scenes to me bc it makes me very uncomfortable lol

Rating: 3.5/5 Voice Acting: 4/5

The Rescue by Nicholas Sparks

i've never read a nicholas sparks book before, so this is my first journey into his works. i've seen most of the movie adaptations of his novels, so i figured i probably would enjoy it. i love a good actual romance novel from time to time.

and i thoroughly enjoy this one.

this is one of the few books i read this year that i didn't sit down and read in one whole day. i started this when i began overnights at work, bc i was taking 30 min breaks and had nothing else to do, so i read this within a couple weeks. it was a bit of slow starter, and also the "main conflict" (but also not really the main conflict) happened within the first two/three chapters and i was a bit concerned that this book was just gonna be a slow burn or something or like… what else is gonna be the main problem if not that? but, surprisingly, i liked the story.

the ending: caught me by surprise and i cried my fucking eyes out. it's was both a happy cry and a sad cry. could it be bc my period was coming? yes. but the ending was really good. happy and sad. a nice a combo. a good gut punch, if you will.

i definitely need to pick up another one of his novels next time i'm in target lol

Rating: 4/5

Killer Content by Kiley Roache

so in the previous part of my review, i said "it was nice to hear a 17 year old talk like a 17 year old and not a 26+ year old trying to write like high schoolers."

and what i meant by that is this book.

found this book at work, picked it up bc i liked the idea of it: picture a tiktok house, but someone gets murdered in it. and it's one of the ppl that live in the house that did. and now clues are being mysteriously posted on their tiktok page but no one knows who's doing it.

sounds fun, right?

and it was for the most part. i love me a whodunit/murder mystery. but… i feel like at times this book was either extremely too slow or way too fucking fast.

also, almost every character in this story is unlikeable, but also knows that they are. it's very weird. bc there would be moments where these literal teenagers would be self aware enough to realize that "this la lifestyle is not good for me, i'm living a lie, i'm pretending to be something i'm not to entertain ppl online, online culture is garbage ect ect", but then would immediately almost on a dime turn back into their persona.

so… which one is it? do they know they're a pawn, or do they not care enough? bc i get giving them self awareness to a degree, but you can't give them full self awareness and then have them turn around and go back as if they didn't just have this full on monologue in their head.

also, very early on into the story when the murder takes place, you can tell that at least three or so of the ppl that live in the house couldn't have done bc they weren't near the person who died or where it took place at. so that already cuts out half the house. i mean sure, you could play it up that maybe they are in on it, but didn't physical kill, but that really doesn't happen at all in the story.

also the killer was kinda easy to figure out almost instantly. but i don't mind the obvious choice. i think that's fine bc it's interesting to see how the characters react to slowly finding out what we already know or assume.

the one part i didn't particular like was how the killer gets their own pov about half way thru the book or maybe like 75% of the way. like, i get giving them a pov (bc every character gets one) but why are you giving it away so easily?? if she had waited until they all figured out who it was, and then jump back to the killer and let them explain their plan and why they decided to do this, then it would have been more interesting imo. also, towards the end, when they confront the killer, the killer ALMOST INSTANTLY falls and gives in and starts explaining why they did it. like, with little to no pressure. i'm sorry, but not even a couple pages before, the character was saying "oh this person will be my downfall, i gotta be strong around them so they don't see thru my facade" and then instantly fall apart in front of them with just one question????? no, sorry. i get foreshadowing but like that's too on the nose lol

Rating: very soft 3/5

Paradise Island by Sam and Colby

wouldn't you believe that i started this book, this rereading, at the beginning of the year but didn't finish it until the 31st? the only reason that happened, tbh, is bc i already know how this book was gonna go and just felt like "i'll get to it when i get to it".

way to wait until almost the stroke of midnight there, angelica lol

anyway, the reason why i reread this book was bc the audiobook came out for it. and i was genuinely curious to see how it sounded. tbh i don't listen to audiobooks, mostly bc if i don't have a physically copy i just won't pay attention. but with this one i did so it was easy to follow along.

i know earlier this past year i wrote out my reactions as i was listening to the book but i'll just reiterate them here.

first off, i feel like the person that was reading colby's should have actually been reading sam's and vice versa. i just felt like his natural speaking voice was ""closer"" to colby's rather than sam's.

overall the voice acting/reading was fun. they must have both gotten notes on how to make the boys sound and it was funny bc i don't think any of them really sounded like the boys, but that was fine. god even knows if these ppl know that snc actually exist or not.

colby sounded a bit like a pissed off dude bro, but i'm not mad about that. sam was really sing-songy with a lot of his dialogue. nate was extremely enthusiastic about anything he said. and alex…. idk why they made his voice both super low (to the point that both guys sounded like they were struggling) and slightly southern at times but… okay sksks

georgia's voice was fine for two dudes trying to sound like an older lady. and trey was about what i would assume he would sound like.

also, ngl, towards the end when they almost get sacrificed, i weirdly teared up reading colby saying he loved sam. idk why that happened, i literally knew it was gonna happen, but it still made me a bit emotional.

Rating: 3.5/5 Voice Acting: 4/5 bc it was funny

IN CONCUSION: i read mostly good books this year, which highkey is a good thing especially with how many of them i bought with my own money. i think this also shows that i'm just a simple gal: you write something i enjoy for the most part, i'm gonna rate it a 3/5 at the very least. pretty much every book i read i recommend, maybe minus belle morte and sweetest oblivion but even those weren't that bad. i already have a couple books lined up to read this year (in case you're curious):

midnight sun by stephanie meyer (which i'm about 40% done, give or take), the outsider by stephen king, spoiler alert by olivia dade (idk if i'm actually gonna finish reading it tbh even tho i'm 50% done with it, but we shall see), good girl, bad blood and as good as dead by holly jackson.

that's already five books and god knows there will be plenty more that i'll come across in the next couple months. also there's definitely more in my room that i haven't read that have been just sitting around so hopefully i get to those soon.

i really do hope that this coming year i can actually get to 12. i was surprised i got to 9, but i hope to meet my goal this year. and then maybe at some point i'll go above and beyond, but for now i'll settle on at least 1 a month lol

#personal #text #sam and colby #book review

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jtrokujo · 3 years

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𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐇𝐘 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐎𝐗𝐈𝐂¿

paring: Mikaela Hyakuya x fem!Reader

(they’re 18+!!!)

word count: 4k

warning: this story contains sexual content

gerne: smut

summary: there are days when they get along well but there were also days when they hated each other like the plague and even though they love each other?

—

The weather is neutral, but I wish it got better.

The sun is obscured by the gray clouds, but it's not windy or anything.

You could even go out with a top.

However, y / n decided to take a seat in the four walls with a number of different books and a tall pile of books right next to them.

As she gently leafed through the pages of the somewhat older book, she felt a stab.

Of course it didn't hurt since no one was attacking her, but it felt like someone was watching her.

Without presenting her feelings, she took some books and put the rest where she got them.

Immediately after leaving the library, she stopped in the middle of the path and said with an annoyed sigh, "Bathory, I know you're here."

He stands grinning in front of y / n, but could hardly show a disappointed face.

With his head tilted to one side, he looked at his prey and smiled at her immediately. "I prefer you to call me by my first name, dear."

“I do what I want and not what you want, Bathory. Besides, I have better things to do than waste my precious time being influenced by you. "

When they told the vampire, she continued on her way, or at least intended to.

As quickly as he came, he grabbed her arm just as quickly. "But y / n, why is it in such a hurry?" asked the vampire, amused, pressing more and more on hers with every second, so slowly you could hear her bones. Y / n had to react immediately!

Without thinking for a second, she dropped all of the books on the white floor and immediately grabbed her gun. "You should let go of me!" y / n's voice rang out down the hall and immediately shot the vampire in the arm.

His blood spurted around her.

Y / n got his blood on her face as well as on her clothes - it was the same with Bathory, also the wall and especially the floor got his blood.

"Disgusting." mumbled y / n and wiped the blood on her face, although she knew herself that it would be of no use.

"What's going on here?" Everyone but not him.

"Hello Mika!" said Ferid with delight and turned to get a better look at him.

"Have you lost your nerve again?" he asked me annoyed, but he only looked at me for a few seconds and immediately saw Ferid's blood spatter.

"What do you mean 'again'?"

Even if we've known each other for a long time, we both have to admit that one and the other have diverged. Sometimes it was his fault, sometimes it was me. There were of course moments when we got along really well, but in the end they weren't enough in my opinion.

"Since you've lived with us, at least one vampire must have got something from your weapon."

Said the blond-haired vampire while his eyes stared at me.

I'm not understating when I say that his eyes alone make me feel naked.

Mika only manages to control me through his eyes, even though I should be the one who should control every vampire or the various books I spend most of my time on just one more bad joke.

It was enough for vampires to exist and more than hundreds of people took their own lives just to be able to enjoy themselves. To this day I cannot forgive any of the vampires for what they did to me or those around me. I know myself that there are bad ones, but what is their goal?

Or do you have a goal?

"Y / n." I heard his voice.

Awakened from my trance, I see his eyes again. However, they do not have this previous aura, no, they are a little stricter this time. When I gave him a sign of his attention, the lecture immediately came, "You are old enough to know how to behave and with whom to behave. If you show this behavior to someone else, I'll let that person do it . " and do what they want, because I haven't had the nerve for someone like you for a long time. So finally know your limits before I use my weapon against you! "

Impressive. From sentence to sentence his voice grew louder and louder. Seriously, I never expected or even had the idea of this side of Mika in my life, but here it is. Wonderful y / n, now you have managed to sink deeply with Mika, which is actually the very last thing I ever wanted to achieve in my life, but life has never been a paradise.

With a chuckle, Bathory put his arm and my shoulders and spoke to Mika.

"But, but Mika shouldn't be so strict with her. She's just a little girl again, not even now, is she?" "If I were that little girl, you would surely have two arms instead of one." After saying my sentence, I picked up the books that were still on the floor and didn't say goodbye to anyone, why should I?

Bathory is nothing more than an idiot who uses his satisfaction to see others suffer rather than provoke them too.

While Mika nudges both children like a father, although the other is to blame for everything.

When I got to my room, I put the books on my table and sat on my bed, thinking about the old days. However, I don't think of the days with loved ones that I lost, but of those that I spent with Mika before he gave me a “better life”.

I could leave it all behind at any time and either not start an old or a new life, but I love to have him in my heart for it.

Sighing at my thoughts, I give up and stood in front of my closet for the next minute.

While the lukewarm water felt the white bathtub, my clothes landed on the floor.

This life is more of a calling expected of others than a life of its own. A break does no harm to anyone.

I said to myself and after a few seconds I closed my eyes.

After my bath or a break from the real world, I'm just choosing which book to read.

As I was about to start the new book, someone knocked on my door.

Hesitantly, I said the door was open and waited for the person behind it to appear. Please leave it all but Bathory.

Sighing, I immediately put my hand on my left breast and saw him, Mika.

To be honest, I'm happy to see him, but I'm not, but I don't need an explanation. "Good evening." he said in his usual tone. Without making a big head out of it, I repeated it myself, but added if he needed anything from me.

Shivering, I answered my question in the negative and came up to me with slow steps.

The only thing I could do was do nothing. I stopped. When our faces are a few centimeters away, his arm came slowly towards my body, until he reached for something, when he had this in his hand, he came back with a few steps and immediately held a book in my face.

"I really recommend it, I have to say, you have pretty good taste when it comes to books. I've read it several times because these stories, the writing style, the plot and most of all the characters are up to me." uniquely well written down to the smallest detail. "

I looked at the vampire in amazement. "You read that too?" "Y / n, if I hadn't read it, I wouldn't have a clue either."

A little ashamed of my oh-so-intelligent question, I also looked at the floor.

The whole time there was nothing to be heard, neither a little intoxication, nor even breathing. But after a few seconds, Mika also broke the embarrassing silence by taking a few steps and holding out his arm to me. I don't understand it about myself. When Mika is around, I either act annoyed or neutral. However, countless butterflies gather in my stomach when I think of him alone!

"Y / n ... y / n?!" Mika looked up, gave me a neutral look and at the same time held a few strands of my hair and asked me if he should tie my hair up with a towel. I gently took the wet strands of hair from his hand and began to giggle at my discomfort and nervousness. The thought of me being weird was always out of the question.

"I think I'll blow dry my hair. I'll see you at dinner or tomorrow."

"I'll see you at dinner or tomorrow." repeated Mika before she disappeared from my room.

Locked in the room and caught in his deepest thoughts, he stared over the ceiling.

The reviews of that day haunted him to this day when he also dreamed them.

Sleeping now wouldn't be for him, even though it is shortly before 2 o'clock.

But what can you do about it?

The vampire rose from the bed, stretched out, and decided to go for a walk immediately.

As he walked through the empty corridors, he always hoped not to meet anyone.

Whatever stays that way.

Bored and hands in his pockets, the floor caught his attention. It didn't take long, however, because he was amazed to get up when he saw the light coming from someone's room.

He was more than sure whose room, or rather chamber, it was.

It was Y / n's.

He stopped in front of it, thinking, held out his hand and wanted to knock on the door. At the same time he quickly put his hand in his pocket. This scenario takes about 3 minutes. But it wasn't the vampire's nervousness that was unusual, no, why should he be at y / n's door? This is funny.

Doesn't he often seem annoyed or stern in your presence?

Well, he doesn't even know what's going on in his head.

After an eternity, the vampire finally knocked on the human's door and immediately heard "Come in" from the other side.

Without telling himself twice, he opened the door and saw her. He saw her spread out on the large bed with several notes and books.

Stressed out. You can't see it from the outside, but even Mika can confess that he thinks it is strange to see y / n at this time.

"Do you need something?" she asked him and fixed him with her gaze.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping long ago?" he asked and at the same time crossed his arms over his chest.

"Mika, I could ask you that too, don't you think?" sigh y / n and slowly start piling up her notes and books together.

When Mika offered her help, she politely declined and slowly and carefully put the things on her desk.

"If you have nothing special to do, you can always keep me company, you know?"

Yes, even if there is an argument between the two, they still get along well. However, they don't seem to be as close as they used to be. Without saying anything, Mika accepted the offer and sat next to y / n.

Was that really wise?

The smell of y / n gets over his head, but he's not as easy to lose control as other vampires.

Breathing hard, Mika rubbed her eyes and hoped that this unbearable smell would go away any moment.

Easier said than done.

If only I had drunk blood in the last few days. The vampire cursed.

Y / n noticed his unusual behavior and tried to communicate with him, but to no avail. She called his name several times, tapped him on the shoulder, and shook him a little. He seems trapped in his own world. For the first time she seemed to see someone so trapped in his own world. When will he regain his senses?

Annoyed, she hit his skull with her fist, which led to a groan of pain from Mika's mouth. "What does this mean?!"

“If you are tired, please go to your room and sleep there.

Both rolled their eyes in annoyance.

"You have nothing to say to me, human."

"Oh really? What are you going to do about it, vampire?" It wasn't a mistake by y / n, but rather Mika's mistake. If he hadn't called her a human, she wouldn't have called him a vampire. Nobody except Mika knows right now how much he hates vampires and yet he is one himself, but you have to remember that he never wanted to be one. Not everyone is lucky in life.

As I said, even if it was his own fault that she reminded him, he completely lost his nerve. Slowly she approached y / n, she already felt the dark aura coming towards her. However, y / n did not want to show the fear that is in her and slowly rising above her head. She will regret it. "Repeat when you have the pity." "What is the problem? You called me human and I called you a vampire, but you know what makes me be silly, get out of here, vampire. ”Without further ulterior motives, Mika grabbed her wrist and squeezed the bones with her hand listened from print to print. When she wanted to reach for her gun, which is under her top, Mika was a second faster and threw it directly to the end of the room. When Mika immediately released his hand from Y / n's wrist, she saw an emotion in his eyes, sadness.

He was hurt, but shouldn't he care? What should a little person who plays with little guns do against a vampire, ask him about a game? However, he saw her more as a person, he saw her as someone he can love, with whom he can laugh, of course he had had these people before in his life, but they have long since disappeared. Oh how much he loves her.

If only she knew how many letters he wrote her, but never gave them to her, but hid them in his room.

"I'm really stupid." Mika muttered trembling to herself. Y / n heard it and slowly walked up to him "Mika, that was very childish of me and, to be honest, I'm sorry." When she tried to touch his shoulder, he knocked her away and looked into her eyes, it was their fault.

“I don't want your decisions! I never wanted to be a vampire! If you don't know anything about me, please be quiet and think twice before you open your door! ”The whole room went quiet, pretty quiet. It was rather uncomfortably quiet for y / n, but she preferred to keep her mouth shut because it looked like Mika was looking for the right words. "Why do I love you? Tell me Y / N, how can I love you when you hate me so much?" His voice was fragile and it was tormented to hear it that way. "Mika, I had never hated you before." Exhausted, Mika sat down on the floor and looked at the gun at the other end of the room. "Every time I see a gun like that, I hate myself even more." “Even if it sounds a bit clichéd, for example because of the current situation, I have to and want to admit that I love you Mika. You are in such pain and apparently you have torn old wounds. You didn't deserve that, nobody deserved that. ”Y / n sat like Mika on the floor and hugged him. Her warm body against his cold one. As if in slow motion, their faces stood a few inches apart until their lips met.

𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐏

With my hands on the back of his neck and my tongue seeking his, his fingertips dance from my thigh under my top.

Only he managed to make me shiver everywhere in a few seconds with the help of his touch. Not through his ice-cold skin, no, only through him. In keeping with the mood, the cold raindrops hit my window pane. "Waiting." he whispered to me.

Not a second later it was pitch black in my room. The butterflies in my stomach just like Mika don't know when to stop, but I love it, never let it stop! His lips kissed every inch of my skin and whispered to me how divine my body was. His hands slide up my top until it finally brushes over my head. The first item of clothing is already on the floor. My legs were around his waist so he could pick me up and lay me on my bed. When he did that, his lips were still on my skin.

As I lay down comfortably, I watched his clothes land piece by piece on the floor. His belly is built like that of a Greek god and although it is dark the moon shines on him. One could have immediately thought it was a godsend. The boxer shorts were the only items of clothing that remained. While I was about to take off my pants, Mika took my hands and indicated that he could do it himself. When my pants peeled off my skin, he looked at my legs in admiration and immediately threw my pants on the floor. Now stand half-naked in front of my bed. The red cheeks on his cheeks were clearly visible. "Are we really supposed to pull this off?" I asked Mika and looked him in the eye. His lips approached my ear and he breathed softly, "Y / n, the question is not, we should, but we can. A human and a vampire, is that a good chemistry?"

"Why don't we want to find out?" I whispered and kissed his shoulder in time. Now he looked at me again, but with clearly red cheeks you could have thought he had a fever, but I can't blame him, because even when his ice-cold body is on top of mine, my body manages to have a hot temperature.

As our tongues played with each other again, our hands explored each other's bodies. While one hand pinches my buttocks, the other is right on my bra clasp.

Moaning slightly, I also pinched his buttocks and felt my muscles tense. A low gasp left his delicate lips, which made me even weaker. My temperature rises more and more with each of his touches.

I can not stand it anymore!

He knows very well that he has the upper hand!

When my bra, like the rest of the clothes, landed on the floor, his ice-cold hands brushed my arms up to my hips and brushed the last piece of clothing across the floor.

I was breathing hard down in my zone.

His hands were on each thigh so I couldn't pinch my legs together. Apart from the horniness, I could hardly move my legs because of his strength, you can not say that he is so strong. The horniness in me is going like crazy! With every breath Mika takes against my area, the butterflies in my stomach fly crazier.

When his tongue brushed my cervix for less than a second, I let out a gasp. Immediately afterwards he pressed his tongue against it and danced with it at the same time. That I'm getting wetter is not only clear to me, but also to Mika, when he was his tongue in my entrance, she explored every single inch inside.

Overwhelmed by shame and lust, I pressed one hand against my mouth so as not to make a noise from you, and the other on his white-blonde hair.

Every time his tongue penetrated deeper and he spread my thighs wider and wider, it honestly hurt, but I don't care about that at the moment because as good as he makes me feel no one is going to do it and I want it too nobody does it because I just want them. Because I just want Mika.

When I thought it couldn't get better, I was wrong. When he started sucking, I was done. My lustful moans got louder every time I sucked, but I do my best that nobody but Mika can hear it. When he freed his tongue from the entrance again, he stuck his middle and ring finger in the next second and didn't give me a second to get used to it. The speed of his fingers is unique!

No matter how much I press my hand against my mouth, my moans stay louder.

Several times his name groaned, which only drove him to increase the speed. My orgasm is nourishing. When I groaned and said I was about to be there, he didn't stop but continued. His tongue dances on my cervix and his fingers successfully hit the G-spot every time, it's just breathtaking!

When my orgasm came, I screamed his name with relish and breathed heavily as I stared at the ceiling.

His beautiful face approached mine, but he devoted his lips to my ears and whispered, "A second round won't hurt you." Aren't my trembling legs enough for him? In the middle of the kiss, I slowly felt his member inside me, but my nails clawed behind his back in pain, we continued the kiss. Now it was Mika who groaned in the middle of the kiss. He closed his eyes and kissed my chest as his hips began to dance. Is it still normal for him to make me feel this way? Because on the one hand I can no longer, on the other hand I want more! Mika's one hand is on my thigh while the other is on my chest. The way he plays sensitive nipples is superb.

I don't know how he makes me feel so good, but I want him to never stop. "Mika, don't stop." I moaned in his ear and wrapped my legs around his waist. When he saw me, I didn't know how to feel. Because his eyes are blood red! He slowly approached my neck. That cold breath worried me even more. He didn't bite me, however, but instead scratched his designated spot with his fangs as the blood flowed from the wound, so it propelled him and made him much faster than before. The clap of our skin was just as loud as the satisfying moans from our mouths. "Y / n." he groaned my name and immediately turned me around. Now my back was visible to him. With both hands on our hips, our bodies clapped together. When I moaned his name one last time, the orgasm came, Mika pulled his member out of me and rubbed it with his hand until finally the white sperm speared out of his body.

𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐏

After Mika helped me cleanse my body, we are back in bed naked. "Do you think we can do it?" Mika asked out of nowhere. “I don't think so, I know, Mika. And I think you should too. "The vampire looked at me lovingly and finally kissed me on the lips and immediately afterwards whispered" Good night, y / n. " "Good night, Mika."

#mikaela hyakuya #owari no seraph mikaela #owari no seraph #mikaela x reader #oneshot #fanfic #fanfiction #x reader #female #x you #love story #smut #seraph of the end #yuichiro hyakuya #shinoa hiragi #ferid bathory #guren ichinose

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your-brilliant-lady-m · 3 years

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Part 4 - Basic Concepts of Miraculous Ladybug: Glamour

You can call it however you want: kid's show logic, superhero disguise logic, magical girl show logic, cartoon laws, suspension of disbelief, etc. But the fact that nobody recognises Marinette, Adrien and others when they are suited up IS NOT BAD WRITING. It's one of the main laws of this genre. That's not because characters are stupid, okay? So, being frustrated that everyone in the show acts stupid about this "wearing a mask that covers only eyes" trope is strange. This criticism is not valid or fair.

But, this trope has to make sense in-universe as a worldbuilding and narrative element.

Miraculous doesn't give us much direct information on how glamour works. And in this case, I think we need both SHOW and TELL. Because if you don't establish the glamour rules clearly, you are going to run into problems and create unfortunate implications with your storytelling choices.

Appearance

Miraculous obviously gives our heroes magical glamour. In "Lady WiFi" we find out that masks can't be taken off. It's magic. No other explanation is needed.

Miraculous can slightly change the appearance of users (eyes, face shape, height and hairstyles). People can identify and notice the hairstyles of heroes (numerous Ladybug wigs, statue in Copycat). Jagged Stone points out the change of hair when he mistakes Chloe for Ladybug ("Antibug"). But it's just a costume. There is no magic that prevents Jagged from understanding that Chloe isn't Ladybug. So, how does it work? But it's forgivable because it's cartoon logic. Suspension of disbelief works here, I suppose. I won't judge this too harshly.

Glamour also obviously prevents people from making a connection that Marinette and Ladybug have identical hairstyles. So people know that Ladybug wears her hair in pigtails, but magic does not allow them to notice similarities.

Another important question. Does glamour work on Kwamis? Can they see who is behind the mask?

New York Special makes it clear that magic does not affect robots and they can see through glamour. Does that mean that Markov, AI built by Max, knows the identities of Ladybug and Chat Noir? And it's never addressed.

Plagg in "Frightningale" says that holders can subconsciously choose their superhero appearance. This is actually pretty interesting and I like this idea a lot. Except the show is not consistent with this. The transformation of Master Fu looks identical to Nathalie's. And we have seen how different from each other Ladybug and Black Cat holders looked in the past. At the same time, Master Fu and Nino have different takes on Turtle superhero suit.

Age Glamour

Does age glamour exist? Do people see Ladybug, Chat Noir and other heroes as adults even when they look like teenagers to the audience (their height and build are smaller even when they are transformed)? Is that why no one ever questions the fact that children nearly die on a daily basis?

I mentioned unfortunate implications earlier. Well, this is where they come into play. Let's talk about "Copycat". A lot of people discussed it before me, so I won't bore you with details.

When I watched "Copycat" for the first time Theo's crush on Ladybug didn't bother me, because I thought that he sees Ladybug as his peer, a girl who is about 20-23 years old. Theo is an artist, his character design is that of an adult. He has his own studio, its appearance indicates that he did serious commissions in the past. The guy has no idea that Ladybug is like 13.

But then we get "Heroes' Day" and "Ladybug". And Hawkmoth calls them "kids", which means that there is no age glamour. Others see Ladybug and Chat Noir as teenagers. Perhaps, other Miraculous users aren't affected by age glamour. Therefore regular people see all heroes as adults but other heroes are able to guess their age more or less correctly. But you must spell this thing out because the audience can interpret "Copycat" differently. If there is no age glamour, then Theo is crushing on a teenage girl and he is fully aware of this fact. And this doesn't look good for your show.

The "No Age Glamour" theory is further confirmed in "Sapotis" where Alya just straight up analyses voice recordings and says that Ladybug is a girl their age. If glamour exists then it should also cover technology. Kwami can't be photographed. Face and voice recognition software shouldn't be able to analyse transformed superheroes and detect their identities in any way.

Besides, after "Sapotis" Alya should definitely be sure that Ladybug is not 5000 years old (also not an adult), especially after she wore Miraculous herself and was one door away from detransformed Ladybug.

SEASON 4 UPDATE! There's no age glamour after all.

In "Furious Fu" Su Han calls Chat Noir a child without knowing his identity. It means that everyone knows their superheroes are teenagers. "Copycat" can't be saved from that, uh, subtext anymore. No one questions the danger of their job or the balance of their lives outside of the mask. No one doubts their competence after "Origins" ever again. No one becomes annoyed after being bossed around by two teenagers in spandex. You had many opportunities to drop these details into the narrative. Someone could have been akumatized over this (I will not be ordered around by some magical kids!).

I don't know why writers decided not to use at least this idea and slightly adjust "Copycat" if they got rid of the age glamour completely. It can be explained as kid's show logic, but unfortunately, I'm reluctant to do it. If many characters sympathise with akuma victims on-screen, why not with the teenage superheroes who must fight them?

New York Special had this weird focus on collateral damage out of nowhere (the damage done by sentimonster Robostus) and yet it has 0 effect on the main story. No one in Paris is pissed that their 2 teenage protectors weren't there.

Ironically, "Furious Fu" and that one remark made by Su Han also created unfortunate implications for other moments in the show. Just hear me out. Apparently, Jagged Stone wrote a "thank you" song for Ladybug knowing that she is 13-15 year old child back in "Pixelator". Fandom is more than happy to roast Lila for lying about saving Jagged Stone's cat and him writing her a "thank you" song. Fandom claims that Lila's tale could harm Jagged's reputation, when he wrote a song for teenage Ladybug several weeks prior. Meanwhile, in-universe this lie is 100% believable.

If we put on "realism glasses", then both this whole song situation and Theo's crush in "Copycat" have uncomfortable implications. However, the show's canon can't be viewed and criticised through "realism glasses". I admit that bits and pieces of my criticisms are affected by these "glasses", but, ultimately, I'm trying to be fair and concentrate only on things that can't be justified by "cartoon logic and worldbuilding".

Could the existence of age glamour solve this problem of unfortunate implications and other concerns mentioned above? YES. Is it better for the narrative? YES. Is essential for the story? NOT QUITE. Could the absence of age glamour be called an irredeemable storytelling flaw? NO.

Disclaimer: On a side note, only older audience can notice these implications. Children, the target audience, most likely won't understand this subtext simply because they don't have enough experience. So, perhaps, this criticism is unfair, because these moments only look weird to me as an adult. It's like an adult joke in a cartoon that you don't get until you reach a certain age.

There's nothing technically wrong with adult writing a "thank you" song for a teenager. It's just an expression of gratitude. However, unfortunately, we live in a world, where adults normally wouldn't write songs for teens to express gratitude only. In real life similar actions would imply pedophilia and would be actively scorned by the public. No one would risk their reputation like that even if their intentions were genuinely pure and sincere. But this show can't be viewed through "realism glasses", because it's a cartoon and in certain cases we as the audience must use suspension of disbelief and pretend that certain things are possible for plot to happen.

Su Han also wants to give Ladybug and Black Cat to adults. Why didn't Master Fu do this then? Writers don't give us any explanation. Throughout the show we never question this up until the moment it's revealed that adults don't have time-limited powers. Then comes "Furious Fu". Story suddenly becomes self-aware here. Because apparently nothing prevented Fu from giving the most powerful Miraculous to adults who won't have time limit and will be more effective against Hawkmoth (see part 3 for more details).

I have a very good example of Age Glamour done right. It works in the story. There is no confusion or unfortunate implications. There is like one plothole connected to the glamour (it's been years and I still can't forgive them for Cornelia and Caleb) but otherwise, it's a pretty solid example of both show and tell. Clearly, writers wanted to avoid uncomfortable implications which are present in "Copycat". I am talking about W.I.T.C.H. comic books and animated series.

If you are not familiar with it, I'll give you a brief explanation. The story follows 5 girls, the Guardians of Kandrakar who are chosen to protect their world and parallel ones from evil. They receive magical powers from the amulet known as the Heart of Kandrakar. Their powers are based on elements: fire, water, earth, air and energy. Our main characters are about 13-15 years old. In the animated series they are younger and they attend middle school, making them 12-14 years old. But the transformation makes them look 18-20. They look like young women to each other and to other people. At the same time, people can recognise them, their looks and voice don't change. Most people don't know that they are really teenagers when they are not transformed and these people don't know that magic can make them look older. That's why everyone treats Guardians like adults when they are transformed. Comics establish this fact in the very beginning. In first issues characters state that they look older, we are also shown this multiple times.

In fact, one of the first side plots revolves around the fact that Irma uses her powers to sneak into the disco club to meet up with her crush. Irma is 13 at the beginning of the series, she is a high school freshman. Her crush, Andrew Hornby is a senior guy 17-18 years old. Irma has liked him for a long time and wants to impress him, so she decides to be clever about this. She transforms into her Guardian form of the 18-year-old girl, hides her wings, sneaks out to the club after her parents are asleep without any problem, and meets Andrew, who obviously doesn't recognise Irma in this girl who looks about his age. Smitten Andrew offers her a ride and 13-year-old Irma doesn't understand the implication of that offer, so she accepts. And, obviously, he decides that she is interested in more than just a ride home, since she agreed, and the comic implies that he fully intended for them to have sex in the backseat of his car. But Irma understands the implication only when Andrew tries to kiss her. She panics and turns him into a frog. And she actually pulls this "I need to look mature" trick more than once over the course of the series.

It's not the only situation where this age difference is handled well and makes sense. People who know the main characters in everyday life remark on their older appearance during transformation. Sometimes people flirt with Guardians when they are transformed. In one of the side-novels centred around Cornelia, she is worried that the prince of the realm they helped to save from famine would try to marry her. That never happens, but Cornelia actually brainstorms with her friends about how to tell the prince that she is really 15.

There are many other plot points where this happens, but I think that you got the idea. I really like how "Age Glamour" was handled in W.I.T.C.H.

How do we fix this? Create the situations where people offhandedly mention "Age Glamour" in the presence of Marinette or Adrien, use Kwami for this.

"Don't worry, dear. Chat Noir and Ladybug are adults, who know what they are doing. I am sure that they will handle this. "

Theo could say: "Oh, I wonder which university Ladybug goes to?"

"So, does that mean that other people see us as grown-ups, Tikki?"

A few words and boom, problem solved. Then allow the "show don't tell" rule do the rest.

#miraculous ladybug #ml #miraculous analysis #miraculous meta #ml meta #ml analysis #miraculous transformations #miraculous critical #miraculous ladybug critical #miraculous glamour #superhero glamour #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir

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innuendostudios · 3 years

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Thoughts on: Criterion's Neo-Noir Collection

I have written up all 26 films* in the Criterion Channel's Neo-Noir Collection.

Legend: rw - rewatch; a movie I had seen before going through the collection dnrw - did not rewatch; if a movie met two criteria (a. I had seen it within the last 18 months, b. I actively dislike it) I wrote it up from memory.

* in September, Brick leaves the Criterion Channel and is replaced in the collection with Michael Mann's Thief. May add it to the list when that happens.

Note: These are very "what was on my mind after watching." No effort has been made to avoid spoilers, nor to make the plot clear for anyone who hasn't seen the movies in question. Decide for yourself if that's interesting to you.

Cotton Comes to Harlem I feel utterly unequipped to asses this movie. This and Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song the following year are regularly cited as the progenitors of the blaxploitation genre. (This is arguably unfair, since both were made by Black men and dealt much more substantively with race than the white-directed films that followed them.) Its heroes are a couple of Black cops who are treated with suspicion both by their white colleagues and by the Black community they're meant to police. I'm not 100% clear on whether they're the good guys? I mean, I think they are. But the community's suspicion of them seems, I dunno... well-founded? They are working for The Man. And there's interesting discussion to the had there - is the the problem that the law is carried out by racists, or is the law itself racist? Can Black cops make anything better? But it feels like the film stacks the deck in Gravedigger and Coffin Ed's favor; the local Black church is run by a conman, the Back-to-Africa movement is, itself, a con, and the local Black Power movement is treated as an obstacle. Black cops really are the only force for justice here. Movie portrays Harlem itself as a warm, thriving, cultured community, but the people that make up that community are disloyal and easily fooled. Felt, to me, like the message was "just because they're cops doesn't mean they don't have Black soul," which, nowadays, we would call copaganda. But, then, do I know what I'm talking about? Do I know how much this played into or off of or against stereotypes from 1970? Was this a radical departure I don't have the context to appreciate? Is there substance I'm too white and too many decades removed to pick up on? Am I wildly overthinking this? I dunno. Seems like everyone involved was having a lot of fun, at least. That bit is contagious.

Across 110th Street And here's the other side of the "race film" equation. Another movie set in Harlem with a Black cop pulled between the police, the criminals, and the public, but this time the film is made by white people. I like it both more and less. Pro: this time the difficult position of Black cop who's treated with suspicion by both white cops and Black Harlemites is interrogated. Con: the Black cop has basically no personality other than "honest cop." Pro: the racism of the police force is explicit and systemic, as opposed to comically ineffectual. Con: the movie is shaped around a racist white cop who beats the shit out of Black people but slowly forms a bond with his Black partner. Pro: the Black criminal at the heart of the movie talks openly about how the white world has stacked the deck against him, and he's soulful and relateable. Con: so of course he dies in the end, because the only way privileged people know to sympathetize with minorities is to make them tragic (see also: The Boys in the Band, Philadelphia, and Brokeback Mountain for gay men). Additional con: this time Harlem is portrayed as a hellhole. Barely any of the community is even seen. At least the shot at the end, where the criminal realizes he's going to die and throws the bag of money off a roof and into a playground so the Black kids can pick it up before the cops reclaim it was powerful. But overall... yech. Cotton Comes to Harlem felt like it wasn't for me; this feels like it was 100% for me and I respect it less for that.

The Long Goodbye (rw) The shaggiest dog. Like much Altman, more compelling than good, but very compelling. Raymond Chandler's story is now set in the 1970's, but Philip Marlowe is the same Philip Marlowe of the 1930's. I get the sense there was always something inherently sad about Marlowe. Classic noir always portrayed its detectives as strong-willed men living on the border between the straightlaced world and its seedy underbelly, crossing back and forth freely but belonging to neither. But Chandler stresses the loneliness of it - or, at least, the people who've adapted Chandler do. Marlowe is a decent man in an indecent world, sorting things out, refusing to profit from misery, but unable to set anything truly right. Being a man out of step is here literalized by putting him forty years from the era where he belongs. His hardboiled internal monologue is now the incessant mutterings of the weird guy across the street who never stops smoking. Like I said: compelling! Kael's observation was spot on: everyone in the movie knows more about the mystery than he does, but he's the only one who cares. The mystery is pretty threadbare - Marlowe doesn't detect so much as end up in places and have people explain things to him. But I've seen it two or three times now, and it does linger.

Chinatown (rw) I confess I've always been impressed by Chinatown more than I've liked it. Its story structure is impeccable, its atmosphere is gorgeous, its noirish fatalism is raw and real, its deconstruction of the noir hero is well-observed, and it's full of clever detective tricks (the pocket watches, the tail light, the ruler). I've just never connected with it. Maybe it's a little too perfectly crafted. (I feel similar about Miller's Crossing.) And I've always been ambivalent about the ending. In Towne's original ending, Evelyn shoots Noah Cross dead and get arrested, and neither she nor Jake can tell the truth of why she did it, so she goes to jail for murder and her daughter is in the wind. Polansky proposed the ending that exists now, where Evelyn just dies, Cross wins, and Jake walks away devastated. It communicates the same thing: Jake's attempt to get smart and play all the sides off each other instead of just helping Evelyn escape blows up in his face at the expense of the woman he cares about and any sense of real justice. And it does this more dramatically and efficiently than Towne's original ending. But it also treats Evelyn as narratively disposable, and hands the daughter over to the man who raped Evelyn and murdered her husband. It makes the women suffer more to punch up the ending. But can I honestly say that Towne's ending is the better one? It is thematically equal, dramatically inferior, but would distract me less. Not sure what the calculus comes out to there. Maybe there should be a third option. Anyway! A perfect little contraption. Belongs under a glass dome.

Night Moves (rw) Ah yeah, the good shit. This is my quintessential 70's noir. This is three movies in a row about detectives. Thing is, the classic era wasn't as chockablock with hardboiled detectives as we think; most of those movies starred criminals, cops, and boring dudes seduced to the darkness by a pair of legs. Gumshoes just left the strongest impressions. (The genre is said to begin with Maltese Falcon and end with Touch of Evil, after all.) So when the post-Code 70's decided to pick the genre back up while picking it apart, it makes sense that they went for the 'tecs first. The Long Goodbye dragged the 30's detective into the 70's, and Chinatown went back to the 30's with a 70's sensibility. But Night Moves was about detecting in the Watergate era, and how that changed the archetype. Harry Moseby is the detective so obsessed with finding the truth that he might just ruin his life looking for it, like the straight story will somehow fix everything that's broken, like it'll bring back a murdered teenager and repair his marriage and give him a reason to forgive the woman who fucked him just to distract him from some smuggling. When he's got time to kill, he takes out a little, magnetic chess set and recreates a famous old game, where three knight moves (get it?) would have led to a beautiful checkmate had the player just seen it. He keeps going, self-destructing, because he can't stand the idea that the perfect move is there if he can just find it. And, no matter how much we see it destroy him, we, the audience, want him to keep going; we expect a satisfying resolution to the mystery. That's what we need from a detective picture; one character flat-out compares Harry to Sam Spade. But what if the truth is just... Watergate? Just some prick ruining things for selfish reasons? Nothing grand, nothing satisfying. Nothing could be more noir, or more neo-, than that.

Farewell, My Lovely Sometimes the only thing that makes a noir neo- is that it's in color and all the blood, tits, and racism from the books they're based on get put back in. This second stab at Chandler is competant but not much more than that. Mitchum works as Philip Marlowe, but Chandler's dialogue feels off here, like lines that worked on the page don't work aloud, even though they did when Bogie said them. I'll chalk it up to workmanlike but uninspired direction. (Dang this looks bland so soon after Chinatown.) Moose Malloy is a great character, and perfectly cast. (Wasn't sure at first, but it's true.) Some other interesting cats show up and vanish - the tough brothel madam based on Brenda Allen comes to mind, though she's treated with oddly more disdain than most of the other hoods and is dispatched quicker. In general, the more overt racism and misogyny doesn't seem to do anything except make the movie "edgier" than earlier attempts at the same material, and it reads kinda try-hard. But it mostly holds together. *shrug*

The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (dnrw) Didn't care for this at all. Can't tell if the script was treated as a jumping-off point or if the dialogue is 100% improvised, but it just drags on forever and is never that interesting. Keeps treating us to scenes from the strip club like they're the opera scenes in Amadeus, and, whatever, I don't expect burlesque to be Mozart, but Cosmo keeps saying they're an artful, classy joint, and I keep waiting for the show to be more than cheap, lazy camp. How do you make gratuitious nudity boring? Mind you, none of this is bad as a rule - I love digressions and can enjoy good sleaze, and it's clear the filmmakers care about what they're making. They just did not sell it in a way I wanted to buy. Can't remember what edit I watched; I hope it was the 135 minute one, because I cannot imagine there being a longer edit out there.

The American Friend (dnrw) It's weird that this is Patricia Highsmith, right? That Dennis Hopper is playing Tom Ripley? In a cowboy hat? I gather that Minghella's version wasn't true to the source, but I do love that movie, and this is a long, long way from that. This Mr. Ripley isn't even particularly talented! Anyway, this has one really great sequence, where a regular guy has been coerced by crooks into murdering someone on a train platform, and, when the moment comes to shoot, he doesn't. And what follows is a prolonged sequence of an amateur trying to surreptitiously tail a guy across a train station and onto another train, and all the while you're not sure... is he going to do it? is he going to chicken out? is he going to do it so badly he gets caught? It's hard not to put yourself in the protagonist's shoes, wondering how you would handle the situation, whether you could do it, whether you could act on impulse before your conscience could catch up with you. It drags on a long while and this time it's a good thing. Didn't much like the rest of the movie, it's shapeless and often kind of corny, and the central plot hook is contrived. (It's also very weird that this is the only Wim Wenders I've seen.) But, hey, I got one excellent sequence, not gonna complain.

The Big Sleep Unlike the 1946 film, I can follow the plot of this Big Sleep. But, also unlike the 1946 version, this one isn't any damn fun. Mitchum is back as Marlowe (this is three Marlowes in five years, btw), and this time it's set in the 70's and in England, for some reason. I don't find this offensive, but neither do I see what it accomplishes? Most of the cast is still American. (Hi Jimmy!) Still holds together, but even less well than Farewell, My Lovely. But I do find it interesting that the neo-noir era keeps returning to Chandler while it's pretty much left Hammet behind (inasmuch as someone whose genes are spread wide through the whole genre can be left behind). Spade and the Continental Op, straightshooting tough guys who come out on top in the end, seem antiquated in the (post-)modern era. But Marlowe's goodness being out of sync with the world around him only seems more poignant the further you take him from his own time. Nowadays you can really only do Hammett as pastiche, but I sense that you could still play Chandler straight.

Eyes of Laura Mars The most De Palma movie I've seen not made by De Palma, complete with POV shots, paranormal hoodoo, and fixation with sex, death, and whether images of such are art or exploitation (or both). Laura Mars takes photographs of naked women in violent tableux, and has gotten quite famous doing so, but is it damaging to women? The movie has more than a superficial engagement with this topic, but only slightly more than superficial. Kept imagining a movie that is about 30% less serial killer story and 30% more art conversations. (But, then, I have an art degree and have never murdered anyone, so.) Like, museums are full of Biblical paintings full of nude women and slaughter, sometimes both at once, and they're called masterpieces. Most all of them were painted by men on commission from other men. Now Laura Mars makes similar images in modern trappings, and has models made of flesh and blood rather than paint, and it's scandalous? Why is it only controversial once women are getting paid for it? On the other hand, is this just the master's tools? Is she subverting or challenging the male gaze, or just profiting off of it? Or is a woman profiting off of it, itself, a subversion? Is it subversive enough to account for how it commodifies female bodies? These questions are pretty clearly relevant to the movie itself, and the movies in general, especially after the fall of the Hays Code when people were really unrestrained with the blood and boobies. And, heck, the lead is played by the star of Bonnie and Clyde! All this is to say: I wish the movie were as interested in these questions as I am. What's there is a mildly diverting B-picture. There's one great bit where Laura's seeing through the killer's eyes (that's the hook, she gets visions from the murderer's POV; no, this is never explained) and he's RIGHT BEHIND HER, so there's a chase where she charges across an empty room only able to see her own fleeing self from ten feet behind. That was pretty great! And her first kiss with the detective (because you could see a mile away that the detective and the woman he's supposed to protect are gonna fall in love) is immediately followed by the two freaking out about how nonsensical it is for them to fall in love with each other, because she's literally mourning multiple deaths and he's being wildly unprofessional, and then they go back to making out. That bit was great, too. The rest... enh.

The Onion Field What starts off as a seemingly not-that-noirish cops-vs-crooks procedural turns into an agonizingly protracted look at the legal system, with the ultimate argument that the very idea of the law ever resulting in justice is a lie. Hoo! I have to say, I'm impressed. There's a scene where a lawyer - whom I'm not sure is even named, he's like the seventh of thirteen we've met - literally quits the law over how long this court case about two guys shooting a cop has taken. He says the cop who was murdered has been forgotten, his partner has never gotten to move on because the case has lasted eight years, nothing has been accomplished, and they should let the two criminals walk and jail all the judges and lawyers instead. It's awesome! The script is loaded with digressions and unnecessary details, just the way I like it. Can't say I'm impressed with the execution. Nothing is wrong, exactly, but the performances all seem a tad melodramatic or a tad uninspired. Camerawork is, again, purely functional. It's no masterpiece. But that second half worked for me. (And it's Ted Danson's first movie! He did great.)

Body Heat (rw) Let's say up front that this is a handsomely-made movie. Probably the best looking thing on the list since Night Moves. Nothing I've seen better captures the swelter of an East Coast heatwave, or the lusty feeling of being too hot to bang and going at it regardless. Kathleen Turner sells the hell out of a femme fatale. There are a lot of good lines and good performances (Ted Danson is back and having the time of his life). I want to get all that out of the way, because this is a movie heavily modeled after Double Indemnity, and I wanted to discuss its merits before I get into why inviting that comparison doesn't help the movie out. In a lot of ways, it's the same rules as the Robert Mitchum Marlowe movies - do Double Indemnity but amp up the sex and violence. And, to a degree it works. (At least, the sex does, dunno that Double Indemnity was crying out for explosions.) But the plot is amped as well, and gets downright silly. Yeah, Mrs. Dietrichson seduces Walter Neff so he'll off her husband, but Neff clocks that pretty early and goes along with it anyway. Everything beyond that is two people keeping too big a secret and slowly turning on each other. But here? For the twists to work Matty has to be, from frame one, playing four-dimensional chess on the order of Senator Palpatine, and its about as plausible. (Exactly how did she know, after she rebuffed Ned, he would figure out her local bar and go looking for her at the exact hour she was there?) It's already kind of weird to be using the spider woman trope in 1981, but to make her MORE sexually conniving and mercenary than she was in the 40's is... not great. As lurid trash, it's pretty fun for a while, but some noir stuff can't just be updated, it needs to be subverted or it doesn't justify its existence.

Blow Out Brian De Palma has two categories of movie: he's got his mainstream, director-for-hire fare, where his voice is either reigned in or indulged in isolated sequences that don't always jive with the rest fo the film, and then there's his Brian De Palma movies. My mistake, it seems, is having seen several for-hires from throughout his career - The Untouchables (fine enough), Carlito's Way (ditto, but less), Mission: Impossible (enh) - but had only seen De Palma-ass movies from his late period (Femme Fatale and The Black Dahlia, both of which I think are garbage). All this to say: Blow Out was my first classic-era De Palma, and holy fucking shit dudes. This was (with caveats) my absolute and entire jam. I said I could enjoy good sleaze, and this is good friggin' sleaze. (Though far short of De Palma at his sleaziest, mercifully.) The splitscreens, the diopter shots, the canted angles, how does he make so many shlocky things work?! John Travolta's sound tech goes out to get fresh wind fx for the movie he's working on, and we get this wonderful sequence of visuals following sounds as he turns his attention and his microphone to various noises - a couple on a walk, a frog, an owl, a buzzing street lamp. Later, as he listens back to the footage, the same sequence plays again, but this time from his POV; we're seeing his memory as guided by the same sequence of sounds, now recreated with different shots, as he moves his pencil in the air mimicking the microphone. When he mixes and edits sounds, we hear the literal soundtrack of the movie we are watching get mixed and edited by the person on screen. And as he tries to unravel a murder mystery, he uses what's at hand: magnetic tape, flatbed editors, an animation camera to turn still photos from the crime scene into a film and sync it with the audio he recorded; it's forensics using only the tools of the editing room. As someone who's spent some time in college editing rooms, this is a hoot and a half. Loses a bit of steam as it goes on and the film nerd stuff gives way to a more traditional thriller, but rallies for a sound-tech-centered final setpiece, which steadily builds to such madcap heights you can feel the air thinning, before oddly cutting its own tension and then trying to build it back up again. It doesn't work as well the second time. But then, that shot right after the climax? Damn. Conflicted on how the movie treats the female lead. I get why feminist film theorists are so divided on De Palma. His stuff is full of things feminists (rightly) criticize, full of women getting naked when they're not getting stabbed, but he also clearly finds women fascinating and has them do empowered and unexpected things, and there are many feminist reads of his movies. Call it a mixed bag. But even when he's doing tropey shit, he explores the tropes in unexpected ways. Definitely the best movie so far that I hadn't already seen.

Cutter's Way (rw) Alex Cutter is pitched to us as an obnoxious-but-sympathetic son of a bitch, and, you know, two out of three ain't bad. Watched this during my 2020 neo-noir kick and considered skipping it this time because I really didn't enjoy it. Found it a little more compelling this go around, while being reminded of why my feelings were room temp before. Thematically, I'm onboard: it's about a guy, Cutter, getting it in his head that he's found a murderer and needs to bring him to justice, and his friend, Bone, who intermittently helps him because he feels bad that Cutter lost his arm, leg, and eye in Nam and he also feels guilty for being in love with Cutter's wife. The question of whether the guy they're trying to bring down actually did it is intentionally undefined, and arguably unimportant; they've got personal reasons to see this through. Postmodern and noirish, fixated with the inability to ever fully know the truth of anything, but starring people so broken by society that they're desperate for certainty. (Pretty obvious parallels to Vietnam.) Cutter's a drunk and kind of an asshole, but understandably so. Bone's shiftlessness is the other response to a lack of meaning in the world, to the point where making a decision, any decision, feels like character growth, even if it's maybe killing a guy whose guilt is entirely theoretical. So, yeah, I'm down with all of this! A- in outline form. It's just that Cutter is so uninterestingly unpleasant and no one else on screen is compelling enough to make up for it. His drunken windups are tedious and his sanctimonious speeches about what the war was like are, well, true and accurate but also obviously manipulative. It's two hours with two miserable people, and I think Cutter's constant chatter is supposed to be the comic relief but it's a little too accurate to drunken rambling, which isn't funny if you're not also drunk. He's just tedious, irritating, and periodically racist. Pass.

Blood Simple (rw) I'm pretty cool on the Coens - there are things I've liked, even loved, in every Coen film I've seen, but I always come away dissatisfied. For a while, I kept going to their movies because I was sure eventually I'd love one without qualification. No Country for Old Men came close, the first two acts being master classes in sustained tension. But then the third act is all about denying closure: the protagonist is murdered offscreen, the villain's motives are never explained, and it ends with an existentialist speech about the unfathomable cruelty of the world. And it just doesn't land for me. The archness of the Coen's dialogue, the fussiness of their set design, the kinda-intimate, kinda-awkward, kinda-funny closeness of the camera's singles, it cannot sell me on a devastating meditation about meaninglessness. It's only ever sold me on the Coens' own cleverness. And that archness, that distancing, has typified every one of their movies I've come close to loving. Which is a long-ass preamble to saying, holy heck, I was not prepared for their very first movie to be the one I'd been looking for! I watched it last year and it remains true on rewatch: Blood Simple works like gangbusters. It's kind of Double Indemnity (again) but played as a comedy of errors, minus the comedy: two people romantically involved feeling their trust unravel after a murder. And I think the first thing that works for me is that utter lack of comedy. It's loaded with the Coens' trademark ironies - mostly dramatic in this case - but it's all played straight. Unlike the usual lead/femme fatale relationship, where distrust brews as the movie goes on, the audience knows the two main characters can trust each other. There are no secret duplicitous motives waiting to be revealed. The audience also know why they don't trust each other. (And it's all communicated wordlessly, btw: a character enters a scene and we know, based on the information that character has, how it looks to them and what suspicions it would arouse, even as we know the truth of it). The second thing that works is, weirdly, that the characters aren't very interesting?! Ray and Abby have almost no characterization. Outside of a general likability, they are blank slates. This is a weakness in most films, but, given the agonizingly long, wordless sequences where they dispose of bodies or hide from gunfire, you're left thinking not "what will Ray/Abby do in this scenario," because Ray and Abby are relatively elemental and undefined, but "what would I do in this scenario?" Which creates an exquisite tension but also, weirdly, creates more empathy than I feel for the Coens' usual cast of personalities. It's supposed to work the other way around! Truly enjoyable throughout but absolutely wonderful in the suspenseful-as-hell climax. Good shit right here.

Body Double The thing about erotic thrillers is everything that matters is in the name. Is it thrilling? Is it erotic? Good; all else is secondary. De Palma set out to make the most lurid, voyeuristic, horny, violent, shocking, steamy movie he could come up with, and its success was not strictly dependent on the lead's acting ability or the verisimilitude of the plot. But what are we, the modern audience, to make of it once 37 years have passed and, by today's standards, the eroticism is quite tame and the twists are no longer shocking? Then we're left with a nonsensical riff on Vertigo, a specularization of women that is very hard to justify, and lead actor made of pulped wood. De Palma's obsessions don't cohere into anything more this time; the bits stolen from Hitchcock aren't repurposed to new ends, it really is just Hitch with more tits and less brains. (I mean, I still haven't seen Vertigo, but I feel 100% confident in that statement.) The diopter shots and rear-projections this time look cheap (literally so, apparently; this had 1/3 the budget of Blow Out). There are some mildly interesting setpieces, but nothing compared to Travolta's auditory reconstructions or car chase where he tries to tail a subway train from street level even if it means driving through a frickin parade like an inverted French Connection, goddamn Blow Out was a good movie! Anyway. Melanie Griffith seems to be having fun, at least. I guess I had a little as well, but it was, at best, diverting, and a real letdown.

The Hit Surprised by how much I enjoyed this one. Terrance Stamp flips on the mob and spends ten years living a life of ease in Spain, waiting for the day they find and kill him. Movie kicks off when they do find him, and what follows is a ramshackle road movie as John Hurt and a young Tim Roth attempt to drive him to Paris so they can shoot him in front of his old boss. Stamp is magnetic. He's spent a decade reading philosophy and seems utterly prepared for death, so he spends the trip humming, philosophizing, and being friendly with his captors when he's not winding them up. It remains unclear to the end whether the discord he sews between Roth and Hurt is part of some larger plan of escape or just for shits and giggles. There's also a decent amount of plot for a movie that's not terribly plot-driven - just about every part of the kidnapping has tiny hitches the kidnappers aren't prepared for, and each has film-long repercussions, drawing the cops closer and somehow sticking Laura del Sol in their backseat. The ongoing questions are when Stamp will die, whether del Sol will die, and whether Roth will be able to pull the trigger. In the end, it's actually a meditation on ethics and mortality, but in a quiet and often funny way. It's not going to go down as one of my new favs, but it was a nice way to spend a couple hours.

Trouble in Mind (dnrw) I fucking hated this movie. It's been many months since I watched it, do I remember what I hated most? Was it the bit where a couple of country bumpkins who've come to the city walk into a diner and Mr. Bumpkin clocks that the one Black guy in the back as obviously a criminal despite never having seen him before? Was it the part where Kris Kristofferson won't stop hounding Mrs. Bumpkin no matter how many times she demands to be left alone, and it's played as romantic because obviously he knows what she needs better than she does? Or is it the part where Mr. Bumpkin reluctantly takes a job from the Obvious Criminal (who is, in fact, a criminal, and the only named Black character in the movie if I remember correctly, draw your own conclusions) and, within a week, has become a full-blown hood, which is exemplified by a lot, like, a lot of queer-coding? The answer to all three questions is yes. It's also fucking boring. Even out-of-drag Divine's performance as the villain can't save it.

Manhunter 'sfine? I've still never seen Silence of the Lambs, nor any of the Hopkins Lecter movies, nor, indeed, any full episode of the show. So the unheimlich others get seeing Brian Cox play Hannibal didn't come into play. Cox does a good job with him, but he's barely there. Shame, cuz he's the most interesting part of the movie. Honestly, there's a lot of interesting stuff that's barely there. Will Graham being a guy who gets into the heads of serial killers is explored well enough, and Mann knows how to direct a police procedural such that it's both contemplative and propulsive. But all the other themes it points at? Will's fear that he understands murderers a little too well? Hannibal trying to nudge him towards becoming one? Whatever dance Hannibal and Tooth Fairy are doing? What Tooth Fairy's deal is, anyway? (Why does he wear fake teeth and bite things? Why is he fixated on the red dragon? Does the bit where he says "Francis is gone forever" mean he has DID?) None of it goes anywhere or amounts to anything. I mean, it's certainly more interesting with this stuff than without, but it has that feel of a book that's been pared of its interesting bits to fit the runtime (or, alternately, pulp that's been sloppily elevated). I still haven't made my mind up on Mann's cold, precise camera work, but at least it gives me something to look at. It's fine! This is fine.

Mona Lisa (rw) Gave this one another shot. Bob Hoskins is wonderful as a hood out of his depth in classy places, quick to anger but just as quick to let anger go (the opening sequence where he's screaming on his ex-wife's doorstep, hurling trash cans at her house, and one minute later thrilled to see his old car, is pretty nice). And Cathy Tyson's working girl is a subtler kind of fascinating, exuding a mixture of coldness and kindness. It's just... this is ultimately a story about how heartbreaking it is when the girl you like is gay, right? It's Weezer's Pink Triangle: The Movie. It's not homophobic, exactly - Simone isn't demonized for being a lesbian - but it's still, like, "man, this straight white guy's pain is so much more interesting than the Black queer sex worker's." And when he's yelling "you woulda done it!" at the end, I can't tell if we're supposed to agree with him. Seems pretty clear that she wouldn'ta done it, at least not without there being some reveal about her character that doesn't happen, but I don't think the ending works if we don't agree with him, so... I'm like 70% sure the movie does Simone dirty there. For the first half, their growing relationship feels genuine and natural, and, honestly, the story being about a real bond that unfortunately means different things to each party could work if it didn't end with a gun and a sock in the jaw. Shape feels jagged as well; what feels like the end of the second act or so turns out to be the climax. And some of the symbolism is... well, ok, Simone gives George money to buy more appropriate clothes for hanging out in high end hotels, and he gets a tan leather jacket and a Hawaiian shirt, and their first proper bonding moment is when she takes him out for actual clothes. For the rest of the movie he is rocking double-breasted suits (not sure I agree with the striped tie, but it was the eighties, whaddya gonna do?). Then, in the second half, she sends him off looking for her old streetwalker friend, and now he looks completely out of place in the strip clubs and bordellos. So far so good. But then they have this run-in where her old pimp pulls a knife and cuts George's arm, so, with his nice shirt torn and it not safe going home (I guess?) he starts wearing the Hawaiian shirt again. So around the time he's starting to realize he doesn't really belong in Simone's world or the lowlife world he came from anymore, he's running around with the classy double-breasted suit jacket over the garish Hawaiian shirt, and, yeah, bit on the nose guys. Anyway, it has good bits, I just feel like a movie that asks me to feel for the guy punching a gay, Black woman in the face needs to work harder to earn it. Bit of wasted talent.

The Bedroom Window Starts well. Man starts an affair with his boss' wife, their first night together she witnesses an attempted murder from his window, she worries going to the police will reveal the affair to her husband, so the man reports her testimony to the cops claiming he's the one who saw it. Young Isabelle Huppert is the perfect woman for a guy to risk his career on a crush over, and Young Steve Guttenberg is the perfect balance of affability and amorality. And it flows great - picks just the right media to res. So then he's talking to the cops, telling them what she told him, and they ask questions he forgot to ask her - was the perp's jacket a blazer or a windbreaker? - and he has to guess. Then he gets called into the police lineup, and one guy matches her description really well, but is it just because he's wearing his red hair the way she described it? He can't be sure, doesn't finger any of them. He finds out the cops were pretty certain about one of the guys, so he follows the one he thinks it was around, looking for more evidence, and another girl is attacked right outside a bar he knows the redhead was at. Now he's certain! But he shows the boss' wife the guy and she's not certain, and she reminds him they don't even know if the guy he followed is the same guy the police suspected! And as he feeds more evidence to the cops, he has to lie more, because he can't exactly say he was tailing the guy around the city. So, I'm all in now. Maybe it's because I'd so recently rewatched Night Moves and Cutter's Way, but this seems like another story about uncertainty. He's really certain about the guy because it fits narratively, and we, the audience, feel the same. But he's not actually a witness, he doesn't have actual evidence, he's fitting bits and pieces together like a conspiracy theorist. He's fixating on what he wants to be true. Sign me up! But then it turns out he's 100% correct about who the killer is but his lies are found out and now the cops think he's the killer and I realize, oh, no, this movie isn't nearly as smart as I thought it was. Egg on my face! What transpires for the remaining half of the runtime is goofy as hell, and someone with shlockier sensibilities could have made a meal of it, but Hanson, despite being a Corman protege, takes this silliness seriously in the all wrong ways. Next!

Homicide (rw? I think I saw most of this on TV one time) Homicide centers around the conflicted loyalties of a Jewish cop. It opens with the Jewish cop and his white gentile partner taking over a case with a Black perp from some Black FBI agents. The media is making a big thing about the racial implications of the mostly white cops chasing down a Black man in a Black neighborhood. And inside of 15 minutes the FBI agent is calling the lead a k*ke and the gentile cop is calling the FBI agent a f****t and there's all kinds of invective for Black people. The film is announcing its intentions out the gate: this movie is about race. But the issue here is David Mamet doesn't care about race as anything other than a dramatic device. He's the Ubisoft of filmmakers, having no coherent perspective on social issues but expecting accolades for even bringing them up. Mamet is Jewish (though lead actor Joe Mantegna definitely is not) but what is his position on the Jewish diaspora? The whole deal is Mantegna gets stuck with a petty homicide case instead of the big one they just pinched from the Feds, where a Jewish candy shop owner gets shot in what looks like a stickup. Her family tries to appeal to his Jewishness to get him to take the case seriously, and, after giving them the brush-off for a long time, finally starts following through out of guilt, finding bits and pieces of what may or may not be a conspiracy, with Zionist gun runners and underground neo-Nazis. But, again: all of these are just dramatic devices. Mantegna's Jewishness (those words will never not sound ridiculous together) has always been a liability for him as a cop (we are told, not shown), and taking the case seriously is a reclamation of identity. The Jews he finds community with sold tommyguns to revolutionaries during the founding of Israel. These Jews end up blackmailing him to get a document from the evidence room. So: what is the film's position on placing stock in one's Jewish identity? What is its position on Israel? What is its opinion on Palestine? Because all three come up! And the answer is: Mamet doesn't care. You can read it a lot of different ways. Someone with more context and more patience than me could probably deduce what the de facto message is, the way Chris Franklin deduced the de facto message of Far Cry V despite the game's efforts not to have one, but I'm not going to. Mantegna's attempt to reconnect with his Jewishness gets his partner killed, gets the guy he was supposed to bring in alive shot dead, gets him possibly permanent injuries, gets him on camera blowing up a store that's a front for white nationalists, and all for nothing because the "clues" he found (pretty much exclusively by coincidence) were unconnected nothings. The problem is either his Jewishness, or his lifelong failure to connect with his Jewishness until late in life. Mamet doesn't give a shit. (Like, Mamet canonically doesn't give a shit: he is on record saying social context is meaningless, characters only exist to serve the plot, and there are no deeper meanings in fiction.) Mamet's ping-pong dialogue is fun, as always, and there are some neat ideas and characters, but it's all in service of a big nothing that needed to be a something to work.

Swoon So much I could talk about, let's keep it to the most interesting bits. Hommes Fatales: a thing about classic noir that it was fascinated by the marginal but had to keep it in the margins. Liberated women, queer-coded killers, Black jazz players, broke thieves; they were the main event, they were what audiences wanted to see, they were what made the movies fun. But the ending always had to reassert straightlaced straight, white, middle-class male society as unshakeable. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy demanded, both ideologically and via the Hays Code, that anyone outside these norms be punished, reformed, or dead by the movie's end. The only way to make them the heroes was to play their deaths for tragedy. It is unsurprising that neo-noir would take the queer-coded villains and make them the protagonists. Implicature: This is the story of Leopold and Loeb, murderers famous for being queer, and what's interesting is how the queerness in the first half exists entirely outside of language. Like, it's kind of amazing for a movie from 1992 to be this gay - we watch Nathan and Dickie kiss, undress, masturbate, fuck; hell, they wear wedding rings when they're alone together. But it's never verbalized. Sex is referred to as "your reward" or "what you wanted" or "best time." Dickie says he's going to have "the girls over," and it turns out "the girls" are a bunch of drag queens, but this is never acknowledged. Nathan at one point lists off a bunch of famous men - Oscar Wild, E.M. Forster, Frederick the Great - but, though the commonality between them is obvious (they were all gay), it's left the the audience to recognize it. When their queerness is finally verbalized in the second half, it's first in the language of pathology - a psychiatrist describing their "perversions" and "misuse" of their "organs" before the court, which has to be cleared of women because it's so inappropriate - and then with slurs from the man who murders Dickie in jail (a murder which is written off with no investigation because the victim is a gay prisoner instead of a L&L's victim, a child of a wealthy family). I don't know if I'd have noticed this if I hadn't read Chip Delany describing his experience as a gay man in the 50's existing almost entirely outside of language, the only language at the time being that of heteronormativity. Murder as Love Story: L&L exchange sex as payment for the other commiting crimes; it's foreplay. Their statements to the police where they disagree over who's to blame is a lover's quarrel. Their sentencing is a marriage. Nathan performs his own funeral rites over Dickie's body after he dies on the operating table. They are, in their way, together til death did they part. This is the relationship they can have. That it does all this without romanticizing the murder itself or valorizing L&L as humans is frankly incredible.

Suture (rw) The pitch: at the funeral for his father, wealthy Vincent Towers meets his long lost half brother Clay Arlington. It is implied Clay is a child from out of wedlock, possibly an affair; no one knows Vincent has a half-brother but him and Clay. Vincent invites Clay out to his fancy-ass home in Arizona. Thing is, Vincent is suspected (correctly) by the police of having murdered his father, and, due to a striking family resemblence, he's brought Clay to his home to fake his own death. He finagles Clay into wearing his clothes and driving his car, and then blows the car up and flees the state, leaving the cops to think him dead. Thing is, Clay survives, but with amnesia. The doctors tell him he's Vincent, and he has no reason to disagree. Any discrepancy in the way he looks is dismissed as the result of reconstructive surgery after the explosion. So Clay Arlington resumes Vincent Towers' life, without knowing Clay Arlington even exists. The twist: Clay and Vincent are both white, but Vincent is played by Michael Harris, a white actor, and Clay is played by Dennis Haysbert, a Black actor. "Ian, if there's just the two of them, how do you know it's not Harris playing a Black character?" Glad you asked! It is most explicitly obvious during a scene where Vincent/Clay's surgeon-cum-girlfriend essentially bringing up phrenology to explain how Vincent/Clay couldn't possibly have murdered his father, describing straight hair, thin lips, and a Greco-Roman nose Haysbert very clearly doesn't have. But, let's be honest: we knew well beforehand that the rich-as-fuck asshole living in a huge, modern house and living it up in Arizona high society was white. Though Clay is, canonically, white, he lives an poor and underprivileged life common to Black men in America. Though the film's title officially refers to the many stitches holding Vincent/Clay's face together after the accident, "suture" is a film theory term, referring to the way a film audience gets wrapped up - sutured - in the world of the movie, choosing to forget the outside world and pretend the story is real. The usage is ironic, because the audience cannot be sutured in; we cannot, and are not expected to, suspend our disbelief that Clay is white. We are deliberately distanced. Consequently this is a movie to be thought about, not to to be felt. It has the shape of a Hitchcockian thriller but it can't evoke the emotions of one. You can see the scaffolding - "ah, yes, this is the part of a thriller where one man hides while another stalks him with a gun, clever." I feel ill-suited to comment on what the filmmakers are saying about race. I could venture a guess about the ending, where the psychiatrist, the only one who knows the truth about Clay, says he can never truly be happy living the lie of being Vincent Towers, while we see photographs of Clay/Vincent seemingly living an extremely happy life: society says white men simply belong at the top more than Black men do, but, if the roles could be reversed, the latter would slot in seamlessly. Maybe??? Of all the movies in this collection, this is the one I'd most want to read an essay on (followed by Swoon).

The Last Seduction (dnrw) No, no, no, I am not rewataching this piece of shit movie.

Brick (rw) Here's my weird contention: Brick is in color and in widescreen, but, besides that? There's nothing neo- about this noir. There's no swearing except "hell." (I always thought Tug said "goddamn" at one point but, no, he's calling The Pin "gothed-up.") There's a lot of discussion of sex, but always through implication, and the only deleted scene is the one that removed ambiguity about what Brendan and Laura get up to after kissing. There's nothing postmodern or subversive - yes, the hook is it's set in high school, but the big twist is that it takes this very seriously. It mines it for jokes, yes, but the drama is authentic. In fact, making the gumshoe a high school student, his jadedness an obvious front, still too young to be as hard as he tries to be, just makes the drama hit harder. Sam Spade if Sam Spade were allowed to cry. I've always found it an interesting counterpoint to The Good German, a movie that fastidiously mimics the aesthetics of classic noir - down to even using period-appropriate sound recording - but is wholly neo- in construction. Brick could get approved by the Hays Code. Its vibe, its plot about a detective playing a bunch of criminals against each other, even its slang ("bulls," "yegg," "flopped") are all taken directly from Hammett. It's not even stealing from noir, it's stealing from what noir stole from! It's a perfect curtain call for the collection: the final film is both the most contemporary and the most classic. It's also - but for the strong case you could make for Night Moves - the best movie on the list. It's even more appropriate for me, personally: this was where it all started for me and noir. I saw this in theaters when it came out and loved it. It was probably my favorite movie for some time. It gave me a taste for pulpy crime movies which I only, years later, realized were neo-noir. This is why I looked into Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and In Bruges. I've seen it more times than any film on this list, by a factor of at least 3. It's why I will always adore Rian Johnson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It's the best-looking half-million-dollar movie I've ever seen. (Indie filmmakers, take fucking notes.) I even did a script analysis of this, and, yes, it follows the formula, but so tightly and with so much style. Did you notice that he says several of the sequence tensions out loud? ("I just want to find her." "Show of hands.") I notice new things each time I see it - this time it was how "brushing Brendan's hair out of his face" is Em's move, making him look more like he does in the flashback, and how Laura does the same to him as she's seducing him, in the moment when he misses Em the hardest. It isn't perfect. It's recreated noir so faithfully that the Innocent Girl dies, the Femme Fatale uses intimacy as a weapon, and none of the women ever appear in a scene together. 1940's gender politics maybe don't need to be revisited. They say be critical of the media you love, and it applies here most of all: it is a real criticism of something I love immensely.

#film noir #neo-noir #criterion channel

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blindingdutchy · 3 years

Text

lamentation | FIVE

{peter parker x fem!reader AU}

based on All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

SERIES MASTERLIST

word count: 4,111

warnings: mostly fluff, some angst toward the end, mentions of injury

18+!!! minors stay away!

You didn't get much work done with Peter during the weekend. Following your emotional outburst over the argument between the pair of you, Peter stayed at your house surprisingly late into the night. You both seemed to agree the project could wait for a different day, and instead of working you spent the evening talking. While you didn't have much to talk about, Peter had a seemingly endless supply of subject matter to keep you both entertained.

Already you could tell that you were growing attached to him, probably far too much and far too soon, but there was no stopping it any longer. He made you feel good things and gave you a sense of normalcy you'd been craving for so long; there was no way you were giving that up any time soon. If he hurt you in the end, you'd deal with the pain because at least you got a bit of relief in the present.

That Friday evening had been one of the best nights of your life, regardless of how mundane or even boring it probably would have seemed to your younger self. You learned a lot about Peter, more than he'd already forced you to know in the weeks leading up to that night, and you answered all his random and silly questions about yourself. You learned that his favorite colors were red and blue, totally un-ironically, and that he'd gotten his abilities the summer between the eighth and ninth grades.

You also learned that Peter was just as stubborn and competitive as you used to be, and something about that knowledge sparked some of the old flame back into you. So, chasing after the fire that used to warm you, you made a deal with him. If he could prove to you that the Avengers were not as bad as you thought they were, then you would willingly do your speech in favor of the superheroes.

"You--you what?" Peter sputtered, laughing so hard he had to clutch his stomach with both hands and gasp for air, "You really cut the hair off of all of your sister's dolls because she beat you at checkers?"

You snorted, a harsh sound that made your nose ache as you laughed along with him, "Yes! She knew how competitive I was, and she took that risk by challenging me. I never lost a game of checkers again after that."

He slipped into another torrent of giggles much to your amusement, his eyes crinkling at the corners with a beautiful smile that made your own chuckling soften as you found yourself mesmerized by the sight of it. Peter Parker was certainly a very breathtaking spectacle to behold, and you had to wonder why he wasn't so much more popular in school. You knew why, everyone could see the relentless torment that Flash Thompson unleashed on him, but it still made no sense to you.

What was there to dislike about Peter? Just days ago you'd been beyond annoyed by him, and weeks before that you'd been entirely uncaring of his existence, but already that all seemed completely nonsensical to you. Now that you'd let him in, given him a chance, it seemed impossible to ever not like him again.

Wheezing breathlessly, Peter chortled, "I can't even judge you. One time, when Ned and I were thirteen, he bet that he could finish a LEGO set before me. He was going to beat me, and I may have accidentally knocked it off the table so he had to start over."

"So," you finally gasped as you stopped laughing, "so, what you're saying is, you're just as stubborn as I am and we're definitely never going to agree on this project?"

His chuckles slowly died out as he nodded, "I guess so."

You knew what he meant to say, and that was the fact that he didn't feel he was being needlessly stubborn in this situation. This wasn't about competition to him. No, this was about him not seeing himself or his colleagues in a negative light; he couldn't fathom the distaste you had for them.

As much as you disagreed, you could understand that. You could understand how he would see the people he worked alongside as good people. It made sense that he would have a different perspective when he was the one out saving civilians from big and small horrors alike, rather than being the one to suffer the consequences of the destruction that happened as a result.

Along with your understanding, you also didn't think that Peter was a bad person. You couldn't possibly imagine him causing harm, intentionally or not, and maybe that was why you said what you did next. Maybe that was why you proposed, "I'll make you a deal. If you can prove to me that the Avengers are not who I think they are, then I'll take your stance for the speech. Give me a reason to speak positively of them, and I will."

Even now, as you made your way toward your locker at school on Monday, you weren't entirely sure what had made you decide to propose such a thing. You were pretty certain that you were setting Peter up for failure. In your eyes, there wasn't much of anything that Peter could say, do, or show you that would change your mind. Nothing would make what had happened to your sister okay or forgivable.

Yet, he clearly did not feel the same way. Peter looked as if he was walking on sunshine that morning as he pranced along beside you, a triumphant grin on his face as he whispered, "I have a plan."

"A plan?"

He grinned wider as you looked at him curiously, "Yes, a plan. To change your mind."

Quirking an eyebrow expectantly, you waited for him to elaborate as you gathered your things from your locker for class. He never did, only continuing to practically vibrate with excitement beside you in silence. "Are you going to tell me what this plan of yours is?" you prodded.

"No." When you looked at him in confusion he continued, "If I tell you what it is, you're not going to have an open mind. You're going to think of all the reasons it won't change your mind, and then it won't."

Suddenly, you were the one chasing after Peter instead of the other way around. All day you found yourself glancing to him suspiciously and following him around much like he had you in all the weeks leading up to your budding friendship, and it was a big change of pace for you. You felt a little pathetic following him like a lost puppy, but you were nosy and wanted to know what his plan was.

No matter how much you pried, though, he didn't budge. In Calculus he ignored your staring and whispers with a far too smug smirk on his face, though you secretly liked the way it looked on him. Who would have guessed that Peter Parker could be arrogant?

In Gym class he teasingly ran faster than you could keep up the moment you asked again, only slowing down once you begrudgingly promised to leave the subject alone. Though he did tell you he wouldn't run faster than you anyways because people would probably get suspicious if he suddenly turned into a track star. He had to play the roll of the un-athletic nerd regardless.

At lunch he didn't sit with you for the first time since he'd started joining you. He'd waved at you from where he sat with his friends, Ned and MJ, but you found yourself leaving the cafeteria rather than joining him. You weren't ready to take that next step yet; being open with Peter was hard enough, and you weren't ready to have to talk to two more people. Still, you tried to pretend it didn't bother you despite the little sinking feeling you felt in your stomach.

He still sat with you in Speech class, which you were relieved by. Ms. Lovell left everyone to work with their partners on their project, warning the class sternly, "You may have until the end of the semester, but don't slack off now. I'm only giving you two other class periods after now to work on this."

Peter quietly joked, "I bet she just forgot to grade our homework from last week."

When the woman sat down at her desk and pulled over a stack of papers, uncapping her favorite red-glitter pen that she always graded with, you both fell into a fit of giggles that you had to work very hard to keep quiet. It only took one glare from the teacher to have you ducking behind your book to hide how red your face turned, both from embarrassment and repressed laughter. You did, however, notice to fleeting expression of shock on her face to see it was you giggling in her class.

Not much work was done during that class, though for you and Peter the work couldn't be started yet. You still hadn't decided on a stance, and until Peter either succeeded with his plan or failed as you expected, a decision wouldn't be made. Instead, you both whispered to each other about whatever random thoughts seemed to pop into your heads in the moment.

"People are staring at me," you acknowledged, glancing around the class timidly at the sight of many students giving you curious stares, "is there something on my face?"

Peter laughed, though he quickly disguised it as a cough, and responded, "No, they're just confused."

Confused, you furrowed your eyebrows and looked at the boy with the warm brown eyes who was grinning at you proudly. "Why?" you asked, shifting uncomfortably. You were used to people giving you strange looks, but these were different. They weren't looking at you as if they were pitying you, or as if they were waiting for you to finally break down and go crazy. No, now they were looking to you with wonder and interest.

He bit the inside of his cheek, a pensive expression blossoming over his face as he thought of how to say whatever he planned to tell you. For a moment you admired the way his ruffled eyebrows furrowed, his lips pouting slightly as he pursed them in concentration. Only when the strange, old fluttering in your heart and your stomach started to erupt did you look away and wrinkle your nose.

You didn't want to admit it, but you knew exactly what that feeling was. It was a feeling you hadn't encountered since before the incident, and it was a feeling you didn't want to experience now. So, you told yourself it was just nerves over having a friend again, and squashed the stupid butterflies down as hard and as fast as you could.

"Well," Peter finally started, eyes wide and a little nervous as if he expected you to potentially be offended by his words, "you haven't exactly... talked to anyone in awhile."

Suddenly, it clicked. People were staring because you weren't the reclusive, closed-off, depressed girl you had been for the past thirteen months. They were staring because you seemed... happy. "Oh." you nodded, the sound feeble and slightly broken, "I guess that makes sense."

People were staring at you because you were the girl with the dead sister who they'd been waiting to witness implode, and suddenly you were talking, and laughing, and smiling. You were talking, laughing, and smiling with Peter Parker, no less. They were looking at you because you seemed fine.

Were you fine? Peter shot you a few concerned glances as you seemed to slip back into the repression you'd been living in for so long, but you gave him a small smile as if to say, "I'm okay." You were okay.

For the first time since she died, now that you really thought about it, you truly felt okay. You felt good. You felt happy. Sure, you were terrified of the little flutters you felt whenever you stared a little too long at Peter's face, and you still felt all the bad things you'd been feeling, but now you had good things to balance them out.

It would have been so easy to slip back into that cycle of beating yourself up again. That little voice in the back of your head was still there, the one that sounded like your sister but so different at the same time, that told you that you didn't deserve to have friends. You didn't deserve to make new friends, or feel those butterflies that meant something more, not when she couldn't do those things ever again.

It would have been easy, but you didn't want that for yourself anymore. If you did that, if you pushed Peter away because of her, then you would be left with all the bad feelings and more of them. You didn't deserve that. So, you took a deep breath, and gave a more genuine smile, and met the stares head on. She would have wanted you to be happy, and you deserved to be happy.

After school, Peter left you with a swimming mind and a million thoughts of what his plan could be. He didn't mention anything, and you wondered how long you would have to wait for whatever it was to come to fruition. What could it be?

You spent the afternoon in the family room, an action that seemed to startle and befuddle your parents who watched you like hawks. Though they didn't say anything, only greeting you casually as if everything were totally normal, you could practically hear the gears turning in their heads. You could imagine their thoughts of, "Who is this alien that looks like our child?"

As confused as they were, eventually the decided to just go with it. Your mom curled up on the sofa with you, and your father fell into his recliner just like old times, and the three of you watched a movie in a comfortable silence. Well, mostly comfortable. Nobody dared to look at or acknowledge the empty middle cushion on the sofa where she'd always sat, or your mother's empty lap that she mindlessly kept brushing her hands over as if waiting for your sister's head to be laying there waiting for her hair to be played with.

Nobody dared, until you did. You weren't entirely sure what compelled you to do it. It seemed as if you were urged to do lots of things you thought you never would these days. But, after half an hour of watching your mother's twitching hands, you laid your head on her lap and closed your eyes to avoid seeing her face.

After a moment, her fingers brushed through your wind-tangled hair and you felt peace. She had always been the one to do this. She had always been the one to burrow her way into your mother's lap, begging to have her scalp massaged or her back traced delicately, and now you understood why. It was comforting for more than one reason.

On one hand, it was just physically relaxing. But, on a more complex level, it gave you a sense of closeness you hadn't realized you'd been longing for. You felt closer with your mother who worked through the tangles in your hair with her fingers, gently scratching your scalp with her manicured fingernails. You felt closer with your sister, too. It felt as if you had a small piece of her to hold onto in that moment, and it was comforting.

By the time the movie ended, you were nearly asleep and the sun had set some time ago. Your mother was the first to break the silence, softly rousing you, "(Y/N), honey, do you want dinner?"

You did, but before you could answer, your phone rang loudly. Glancing at the screen and seeing it was Peter, you nibbled your lip to hide a smile and stated, "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute." They didn't protest as you raced up to your bedroom to answer the call.

"Hello?"

"(Y/N)! Hey!" Peter practically shouted, though his voice cut out with what sounded like a windstorm. "Can you hear me?"

For a moment the audio cut out and you wondered if the call dropped, but then the crackling wind returned and you questioned, "What are you doing?"

Abruptly the sound ended, and he was breathing a little heavily as he responded, "Sorry, I was swinging--"

"Peter! Are you really on your phone while doing that?"

He laughed, "Calm down! My suit, well, Karen, the AI in my suit, is connected to my phone. Completely hands free--I promise."

Your mind flashed back to that night on the roof, the night he'd stopped you, and you remembered how he'd asked a woman named Karen what he was supposed to do. Now it all made sense. You'd been a little curious about who Karen was ever since that night, and now that you knew it was some sort of artificial intelligence that Peter had given such a human name to, you had to laugh.

"Why are you calling me, Spiderman?" you joked.

There was some quiet rustling, as if he were moving around, and he spoke quieter, "I'm on patrol. I just--maybe this is stupid, but I just thought if maybe I could show you the good things I do you'd see that we don't just destroy stuff."

It went silent for a moment before he continued, "I can't exactly take you with me, because that would be stupid, but you could listen."

You hesitated in responding. A part of you wanted to tell him that it was a stupid idea, for multiple reasons, but you decided against it. How would he ever prove anything to you if you didn't give him the chance?

So, you swallowed your protests, and said, "Okay."

"I'll warn you now it's usually pretty boring. A lot of nights I just swing around for awhile and go home without seeing anyone or anything."

That was strangely relieving. You hoped that tonight would be one of those nights; not because you didn't want him to have the chance to really enact his plan, but because you worried for him. What if having you metaphorically there with him distracted him? What if you distracted him and caused him to get hurt?

For awhile, it was a boring night. You and Peter went back and forth, taking turns telling stupid jokes to see who would crack and laugh first, and inevitably he won. He had an endless supply of disgustingly cheesy science puns that left you in stitches every time, even if you'd already seen the joke before on one of his many t-shirts.

You got him to laugh too, though, with all of the dead-pan anti-jokes you may have been secretly googling as you told them. Sometimes the wind would return, alerting you that he was swinging around the city, and every now and then he'd almost forget you were listening as he gave little exclamations of exhilaration in the moment. It was cute, even if the shouts nearly blew out your ear drum every time.

It was a boring night, until it wasn't. One moment the wind was making your phone speaker cut out, and the next it was eerily quiet and you had to pull your phone away to see if the call had dropped. Putting the device on speaker phone, you questioned quietly, "Peter?"

"I'm still here," he whispered, "I see something. Be quiet for a minute."

You listened and waited with baited breathe, probably panicking more than enough for the both of you, as Peter started speaking to Karen. He asked her to start something he called enhanced reconnaissance mode, and you were bursting with suspense and curiosity. What did he see? What was happening?

It felt like an eternity before he acknowledged you again, "Okay, I see a woman cornered by some guys. I think they're trying to... to attack her."

He didn't have to say the word for you to know what he meant, and you felt your stomach explode with anxiety and fear for a woman you couldn't even see. "What are you going to do?" you asked.

"I'm gonna web 'em up, and wait for the police with her." he stated, "I won't be able to talk for a bit, okay?"

And then, everything changed. One moment the wind was back as he swung down to the scene, and suddenly Peter was in full Spiderman mode and almost unrecognizable to you. He was sassier, playful even, despite how serious you knew he really was as he antagonized the bad guys.

The banter didn't last long. You heard the woman scream in terror as a loud ruckus rang through your phone, and Peter groaned. Was he hurt? Did he get hit? There were more thuds and dull smacking sounds, Peter and the men alike grunting and shouting out loudly as she continued to break the atmosphere with her screaming.

You wanted to call out for him, to make sure he was okay, but you were paralyzed in fear. What if you called his name and it distracted him, causing him to really get hurt? But, what if he already was hurt and forgot you were there to potentially call for help?

The fight lasted awhile, before finally the woman's screaming ceased as Peter told her, "Hey, hey! I got them, I got you. It's okay. Everything's okay."

"Peter?" you whispered.

"Everything's okay. It's going to be alright."

He was speaking to you, though he had to phrase it in a way that it sounded as if he were just speaking to her. You didn't believe him that everything was fine, though. It was easy to hear just how winded he was in the way his voice was strained, weaker than before.

Peter was hurt, and you were terrified. His plan was just as stupid as you'd thought it to be. Not because he didn't prove anything to you, because you were happy he'd saved the woman and he had shown you a good thing he did, but because he'd forced you to witness his pain and suffering yet again. You'd had to witness him actually get hurt this time, and the woman's screams still echoed in your ears.

It brought you back to that day. Her screams reminded you of the chaos following the building's collapse, reminded you of how hoarse and sore your throat had been from screaming just like that. Screams of pure horror and panic.

Only after the police finally left, thanking Spiderman for his help, did Peter drop the faux strength and softly whimper, "Shit, that really hurt."

"My window is open."

With that, you hung up and left him to decide what to do by himself.

Your mother quietly knocked at your door, opening it slowly as she poked her head into your room, "Dinner is done if you still want to eat."

Forcing the best smile you could manage, you muttered, "I'm actually not feeling very good. I think I'll just go to bed." You wished you could say you hadn't seen the disappointment written all over her face, clearly let down by you pulling away again, but she nodded nonetheless and shut the door as she trudged away again.

You laid in bed for hours unable to fall asleep, listening to every noise outside with hitched breathe. Was that little knock Peter? Was he at your window? By the time your phone told you it was nearing sunrise, you gave up. He wasn't coming, and you tried to ignore all the horrible thoughts that consumed you.

What if he was so injured he couldn't make it to you? What if he was out on the street somewhere, hurt badly and in need of help? You cursed yourself for hanging up, but you couldn't bring yourself to call him back. It was a strange battle of worry and anger, with anger winning out in the end and stopping you from reaching out.

You were angry at Peter for his stupid plan, causing you to think of all the awful things he seemed to keep at bay during the daytime. You were angry at those men for hurting him. Mostly, you were angry at yourself for being so stubborn. Why were you being prideful and letting the anger stop you from making sure he was alright?

You: are you alive

Peter Parker: yes

Peter Parker: go to sleep

Peter Parker: see you tomorrow?

You: yes. good night.

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rebsrams · 4 years

Text

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Valentine)

Warnings: none. Pure fluff. Be prepare to melt. Also, I'm not a native speaker, please forgive any mistake.

Summary: Just what we were waiting for after the Book 2 finale. I mean, still not defining? Oh, Ethan..

Word count: 1,463

@openheartfanfics

A CASE OF YOU (ETHAN RAMSEY X F!MC)

Song: A case of you by her majesty Joni Mitchell

Just before our love got lost you said

"I am as constant as a northern star"

And I said

"Constantly in the darkness, where's that at? If you want me I'll be in the bar"

Ever since they laid eyes on each other, it was immediately clear that in the wretched mess that was Edenbrook hospital and life as a doctor, they would be each other's northern star.

A fixed point in the galaxy.

During certain difficult times, they were even brought to think they were meant to be star-crossed lovers, reminiscing images of canisters, protective suits and plexiglass windows.

Such a romantic view for a life they chose to live, knowing that difficulties and loss were meant to be daily bread.

"...how much I care about you".

The words resonated in her head from time to time, after the accident.

She actually spent the following three days tossing and turning in bed, at night and in the early morning, long before her alarm was going to go off.

She couldn't stop thinking about the patina that the plastic shield screened his tantalizing blue eyes with, which made the confession so difficult to figure out.

Was he caring about her like a friend? A colleague? Something more?

Even after all the moments they shared together, he never got to say what his feelings towards her really were. And so didn't she.

But the affection that exuded from his words was something that could have lighten up the whole room.

Then, just as it is, months passed between a charity gala and difficult cases.

Hands touched, lips met publicly and elegant dresses fell to the ground without second thoughts.

Then, it happened.

She couldn't stand it any longer.

Ethan kissed her in front of the whole hospital more than once, and still he couldn't define what kind of relationship he wanted to have with her.

Soon, she came to realize that it was not about the hospital staff or about jeopardizing anything, it was just about him.

He was absolutely and totally frightened.

To deal with all the demons he tried to drown under a thick layer of resentment and cold indifference over the years.

To push her away, again.

To lose her, once and for all.

Maybe he deserved it, he happened to think.

Well, maybe that's an understatement.

It was actually all that he could think about, completely unaware of the fact that he was hurting her so much more by making love to her and letting her go the morning after, unsure of what his next move will be, leaving her on the ropes.

That night she came into his office from a sixteen hour shift, exhausted.

"To hell with formality", she muttered to herself before entering the room.

"What do you want, Ethan?"

"Good evening to you, Dr. Valentine.

I was wondering if you could check on this test results for a brief... What's the matter?"

He looked up at the doorstep, where she stood arm-crossed with a fallen expression on her face and her thick and curly hair completely disheveled.

"For a brief what, Ethan? Why did you paged me here, at the end of an endless shift? Just to let me praise you and your excellent job? Well, bravo. You already know I have nothing to tell you about it. Now, if you'll excuse me."

She turned to face the door again, letting her words sink in the older doctor behind her.

He, for his part, tried to ignore the sting of pain her words caused in him.

"Rebecca, wait. Please. I just wanted to check on you, to know that you're well. You have to admit you've been quite elusive in these past few weeks. It's not like you."

He saw her stiffen at once and her fists close, making her knuckles become white in the stressful grip.

"It's not like me..." she barely whispered, filling the words with suppressed rage.

"YOU THINK IT'S NOT LIKE ME? WHAT ELSE SHOULD I DO, THEN? ETHAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOU'RE THE MOST BRILLIANT DOCTOR OF YOUR GENERATION!"

The sudden explosion made him gape to say the least.

She continued to stood there, her curly locks all over her face but not enough to cover her eyes, sparkling with still unspilled tears.

"What are you talking about? Rebs, you know that I'm here. Always. Whatever you need, just talk to me and I'll listen."

His brows forrowed in concern under the squared frame of his glasses; seeing her standing there, on the verge of a breakdown, made his heart clench.

"Oh, of course. You're here. Always." she said, imitating him on the last part.

"Don't you really know what's wrong with me, Ethan?" she continued, her voice barely a whisper.

"It's always like standing in the darkness with you. You can never know what to expect or where to turn. Maybe because you're the one who doesn't know where to turn or what to do with your life.

Just take a dammit road and follow it, for God's sake!" her tone began to rise again, and seeing such a sparkle of wild fire in her eyes made Ethan almost sigh with relief, even if he knew he was the only target of that fire.

Suddenly everything fell into place for him.

He played dumb for all this time, trying to ignore the fact that her personality wouldn't admit his going back and forth much longer.

In that very moment, he really was standing at a crossroad.

And, just like she said, he had to take a road and follow it, for her.

"I would... You know, I... I'd understand if you chose to, well... To back off.

I'm not simple. Like, at all." she let out a nervous giggle, caused by the tension of the moment.

"The situation itself isn't simple at all, and we always knew that. I'm just asking you to get your head together. If not for me, do it for yourself. Please."

Her kindness. Her incredible and absolutely selfless kindness. That's one of the things that made her the brilliant doctor that she was and that he loved the most.

Yes, because he knew that. He loved her.

Deep to his very core. She put down roots in him since the very first day, where she almost screwed everything up during that torachotomy and blood spilled all over her coat.

If there was a thing she didn't deserve, was being treated that way, much less from him.

Given all that, he still couldn't find the breath to emit any sound.

He just stood there, eyes locked with hers, a painful expression on both faces.

"I see. Well, I think I'm done here. I'll see you tomorrow for the test results.

Oh, and by the way... You can find me at Donahue's, if you need to tell me... Anything else."

She knew he understood everything, and despite of it all she was giving him his last chance to make it right.

She close the door behind her, careful not to slam it and let her emotions take control over her.

She quickly wiped the tears that eventually fell, unable to catch the ones already fallen on her coat.

Before she could even notice, she was running out of the building.

Ethan was still there, wiping both hands on his face and under his glasses, trying to examine his own thoughts and intentions.

"Do you want her, you scumbag? Well, of course you do. Then go get her! What the fuck are you waiting for?"

He thought, almost muttering, to himself. Such a colorful language was only used in his thoughts, most of the time referring to himself with some exceptions here and there, referring to the guys flirting with Rebecca. His Rebecca.

Coming to this conclusion was enough to make him stand on his feet, grab his navy long coat and begin to run out of the hospital, forgetting about changing in the locker room or even close the door of his office.

The air was particularly chilly and pricked Ethan's nose, the sensation enhanced by his fast pace.

The door of Donahue's was just a few feet away and his heartbeat began to increase more and more with each step.

He was a grown man, almost entering his 38th year of life.

More than that, he was a doctor, dealing with life and death matters every single day of his existence.

And yet, the very awareness of her presence inside that bar, ready to throw her arms around his neck and be taken home to his apartment, if only he had the guts of pouring his heart out to her, made his heart ponder wildly in his chest.

Pressing lightly on the handle, he stepped in.

Hope you like it. Part 2 will be here soon 💋

Also, I'm a newbie and I'd like to gather a taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join it!

#Youtube #ethan ramsey x mc #doctor ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #Ethan Ramsey x reader #Open heart #Open heart book 2 #Open heart 2 #Choices #Fanfics #Fics #Writing

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xxisxxisxxis · 5 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Four

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Three

Word Count: 4.4k

Warning(s): Explicit language, Mentions of drug abuse, Explicit sexual situations

A/N: To the anon that asked about the pictures before chapters, I gave it a shot. Let me know what you guys think. Cintia Dicker is who I've always imagined as Viv (only difference is Viv has green eyes and Cintia has blue). Have a good night guys!!

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"...We're about to go on in a couple minutes, we're already late." Duff tells me, frustrated, after explaining everything he, Izzy, Axl, Slash, and Steven have endured ever since they left L.A. to embark on their first little tour as a band, along the west coast.

The first stop was his home town, and everything from losing equipment, losing their only form of transportation, hitch hiking in suffocating heat, spending all the money shared between them for a ride, and anything else that could go wrong, happened all under 24 hours.

After getting the full run down on what all had happened once they got back home, I decided the devil works hard, but Guns N' Roses work harder.

"Well, I wish I could have gone but I'm trying to get Nikki to acknowledge Vince before they start touring." I tell him, scrubbing at a soapy dish, the kitchen phone caught between my ear and my shoulder.

"Still?"

"He offered Vince blow the other day, after Vince just got out of jail, and is supposed to be sober. It wasn't blow. It was smack." I explain.

"Oh my God, that's fucked." Duff tells me.

"Him and Tommy thought it was the funniest thing ever so I replaced all their blow with unscented baby powder and flushed the real thing." I explain and he laughs. "They've been wondering why their blow is 'broken'."

"Now, is that what Jesus would do?" He asks jokingly.

"God gave me the idea. I did it. I am a good and faithful servant." I state and he laughs again.

"Oh, I gotta go, Viv." He tells me.

"Alright, good luck." I say, hearing Steven say "Hey, Viv!"

"Steven says 'hey'." Duff lets me know and I smile to myself.

"Tell him I said, 'hey'."

"I will. I'll talk to you again whenever I can." He assures me. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

"Bye."

"Bye-bye."

We both hang up and I rinse the dish I've been working on and place it in the dish wrack.

Glancing at the clock to see it's 8:00pm, Nikki should be back from the studio soon.

I finish up on the dishes and go take a shower since I've been stress cleaning and sweating a little.

By the time I get out and get lounging clothes on, Nikki and Tommy are in the kitchen talking, and go silent when I come in

"Hey, babe." Nikki tells me innocently, he and Tommy exchanging mischevious looks.

"What?" I ask them, glancing between the two of them.

"So...I was thinking..." Nikki starts. "...You know how you told me not to buy the vette last year, right? Because it only had two seats and we might have kids down the line and it's not really a family car."

"Yeah." I reply, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Well, because I'm a responsible husband and a happy wife equals a happy life, I made an investment." He tells me and I cross my arms.

"What kind of investment, Mr. Sixx?" I roll my jaw.

"Well..." Nikki trails off, and I'm darting for the front door before he or Tommy can grab me.

I swing the front door open to see a brand new jeep in the driveway.

"Nikki Sixx!" I spin around and he and Tommy wince a little. "You bought a car?! Another one?!"

"The vette's are the town cars, baby, the jeep is for more practical use."

"Like the motorcycle in our garage is for 'nights out with the guys'?"

"Exactly!" Tommy pipes in.

In a matter of seconds, I'm chasing Nikki back into the house.

"I'm going to kill you!" I threaten him.

"Tommy, grab her!" Nikki laughs out, which only makes me even more upset that my frustration is amusing to him.

Tommy misses me buy a few seconds before I'm jumping over the couch and tackling Nikki, straddling him and pinning him by his forearms.

"We don't have the money for a new car, Nikki!" I tell him, seriously.

"The album releases in two weeks, Viv. We've got more money than you think." He chuckles, assuring me, and I let out a breath as his eyes drift over my body, raising a brow at our position. "But I can pretend we're dirt broke if you promise to keep man handling me."

"Do I need to get you guys the video camera and leave you to it?" Tommy reminds us he's still here.

"Yeah, it's about time to add Volume Three to the collection, anyway." Nikki states, the corner of his mouth pulling up in his signature smirk.

Before your imagination runs wild, none of our sex tapes are still in existence. When Tommy and Vince's got out, I knew damn well I wasn't about to be best known for a sex tape(s)...

So they were all run over in the driveway and lit on fire.

"Speaking of the release," Nikki starts, nudging at me. "Our anniversary's the next week, but what're you wanting to do for a anniversary present—"

"—Your anniversary present is in the garage. And the driveway. And require insurance. And gas. And maintenance." I correct him and he rolls his eyes.

"I meant your present." He tells me. "What do think you might want?"

"I don't know." I shrug, then I remember what day our anniversary falls on, and slowly look at Nikki, my lips pulling into a smug smile.

I'm still not sorry for what I asked for, for our anniversary. But you know what? Hungover, slightly doped up from the night before, and exhausted, my trooper of a husband got himself together long enough to endure his own personal hell.

Nikki glares at me from behind his sunglasses as the preacher leads us into prayer and I nudge him with my elbow a little so he'll at least bow his head and pretend to care.

"Father in Heaven we pray, forgive us of our sins, Lord. God, we ask that you bless this message and prepare the hearts of those that need to hear it. I pray that you continue to watch over us, keep your hand upon us, and help us to be better. In Jesus' name I pray, amen."

"Amen." We all say, and Nikki scoffs out a mocking little snicker, making me elbow him and he raises his brows.

His smug look immediately falls.

I can't see his eyes but I know he's saying, "elbow me again and see what happens."

"If you turn in your Bibles to the book of Hosea, chapter three, verse one..." Brother Harting starts, and I take pick my jacket up from my lap to get my Bible from underneath it.

I flip to Hosea 3:1, and read along in my mind as he reads aloud:

"Then the Lord said unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the Lord toward the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love flagons of wine." He says, before looking up from the book. "To put it simply, for those of you not quite sure what that means, God is telling Hosea to marry a prostitute. The children of Israel at this time were beginning to stray from God and worship other gods and idols. They were not faithful to God. Like Gomer, Hosea's wife. I'm sure when he married her, he hoped she would stop selling herself and giving herself to other people." He explains. "Isn't it strange that so many of us assume marriage, or a child, will keep their significant other from giving parts of themselves to other people and other things when they were selling themselves to someone or something long before you even came along?" He chuckles out and I rub my lips together, a chord being struck within me. "God told Hosea to marry Gomer, and he did. But she didn't stay faithful. In fact, Hosea had to repeatedly go find her with other men and bring her back home. Now, God didn't tell Hosea to marry a woman that seemed like she could not, for the life of her, stay committed in the right path, to hurt him. God wanted to demonstrate how Israel was repeatedly unfaithful towards him. How we are all unfaithful to him at times, even when we don't realize it. Some of us even worship idols, and don't realize it. Obsession over money. Obsession over lust. Obsession over alcohol. If you are a workaholic..." He names a few examples.

"Cute, can we go now?" Nikki's grumbling under his breath to me and I don't even look at him, lacing my fingers through his, hoping to keep him quite like giving a baby a pacifier.

"I'm not saying wanting money, or having a drink with your dinner, or enjoying your work or really enjoying sex, is idolatry. It is when those things become addictive habits that consume your thoughts constantly, so much so, that you wake up one day and realize you haven't even acknowledged God in weeks. Some of us, months. For others, it's years. And when I say 'acknowledge God' I don't mean a little 'thank God' when something goes your way. I mean, getting in that comfortable space we all have when we can humbly approach God with all of our worries, concerns, hopes, dreams, and tell him about everything going on in our lives. When we take the time to talk to him like we would a friend. God wants to hear everything from us, whether it's something good that's happened, or something we need him to heal within us or help us with something we are struggling to do. He is never too busy." He smiles. "Hosea constantly chased and went after Gomer because he loved her. He made vows to God to marry her and he grew to love her. God loved the children of Israel, and he loves us. He used Hosea as a demonstration of how he always pursues and goes after his church when each of us stray, and let me tell you something, ladies and gentlemen, when Gomer got herself into a mess for the last time, she was about to be sold, like cattle. And Hosea went looking for her thinking she was up to her typical no good. But he came up on the auction she was being sold at. Keep in mind this woman had put him through years of hurt, and pain. He was exhausted, he was angry, he was broken...but he saw his wife about to be sold to men who would most definitely put her through hell, and Hosea suddenly couldn't see his wife's wrong doings. He just saw the woman he loved, the mother of his children, scared and in trouble. And he threw his hand up, and placed a bid for thirty pieces of silver on this woman. Six months worth of wages on a woman that seemed to do everything in her power to not be faithful to him."

"I think fucking not." Nikki doesn't even try to be quiet, causing a few people in front of us to quickly glance back at us.

I elbow him, harder this time, and he's grabbing at my wrist, harshly, pulling me to my feet.

Anger and frustration goes through me when he leads me through the double doors of the very small lobby.

"You're being a jackass." I hiss out the second he's pushed me into the ladies' room that consists of one toilet and a small sink.

"You're being a brat. You should be happy I even came to this bullshit." He snaps.

"One time isn't gonna kill you, Nikki. I'm surprised you're actually able to walk into a church and not burst into flames."

"Okay, fuck you!" He raises his voice and my hand is popping him in the chest before I can stop myself, "Shh!" flying past my lips.

His teeth grind together, and my thighs tense.

His hand is grabbing a fist full of my red locks, yanking my head back as he looks me in the eyes.

It's a slap in the face to him, but I can't help but let out a mocking chuckle, smiling up at him.

I completely disregard the fact we're in church, and my hands slide under his shirt, feeling his warm skin, my nails scratching down his sides.

He's letting go of my hair, reaching between us, and unbuckling his belt and tugging it out of his belt loops.

I squeeze my thighs together as anticipation starts building within my core, creating a slip between my thighs.

He's grabbing my arm and spinning me around to face the wall, shoving me forward.

My hands brace on the chipped, faint yellow paint, and he's yanking my hips back and spreading my legs while yanking my dress up and my panties down to rest around my ankles.

He gives me a moment of mercy, his hand reaching around to rub my clit while his leather restrained prick grinds against my ass, causing me to let out a quiet moan to avoid being heard.

Just as I start moving with his fingers, he pulls away.

"Bad girls don't get rewarded." He tells me smartly in my ear before I'm feeling heat radiate through my body after the sharp sting of leather hits my skin.

I take in a breath, arching my back, biting back another moan.

By the time he's finished with lick number ten, my ass is bright red and aching, and there's a mess of wetness rolling down my legs and dripping on the floor.

I hear his belt hit the floor and he unties the laces of his pants, causing me to hum with excitement as he reaches for my hair again and turns me around to pull me to my knees.

I lick my lips as my mouth begins to water at the sight of engorged veins, aching for release as he strokes himself a couple of times, his precum beading out of his tip.

I open my mouth and stick my tongue out eagerly, looking up at him with begging, green eyes, wanting to taste him.

He looks down at me with a little grin, like he's proud he's been able to screw the submission into his innocent little "my body's a temple" Saint Vivian and corrupt her in every way that she would allow.

He gives me what I want, swiping the tip of himself across my tongue. I don't think he's expected me to wrap my tongue and lips around him just yet because when I do, he's gripping onto the side of the sink with white knuckles.

I hungrily swallow down the liquid leaking from him, thriving under his praise as he says:

"God, you're so fuckin' hot."

I press teasing kisses to his tip, down the underside of his shaft, and his balls, and he damn near collapses when I run my tongue over them before tracing my tongue back up him and taking him in my mouth.

He grabs at my hair, creating a punishing pace that's got tears running from the corners of my eyes with each thrust that has him brushing against the back of my throat.

When he finally lets me catch my breath, a line of my spit holds from my lips to his cock, so I catch it with my fingers and use it to keep jerking him off.

My pussy is beginning to throb, needing something, anything to relieve the pressure.

The fingers of my free hand fall to my clit, but it isn't quite enough.

I believe I take "bitch in heat" to a whole other level when I pull my dress up and strategically arch my back and rest my legs on either side of Nikki's right foot.

He looks at me, a little confused before I spread my thighs a little more, causing my clit to rest against the curve of Nikki's boot where his ankle meets his leg.

My eyes roll back as I begin to move back and forth, slowly against him, while still keeping my hand moving up and down on his dick.

I don't open my eyes until I feel him lift the toe of his shoe a little bit, angling the part I'm straddling to rest against my soaked sex perfectly.

My eyes stare up at him, the nails of my free hand bite into the back of his lower thigh as I use him for leverage while beginning to move feverishly against him.

He takes over on himself, allowing me to hold onto his leg with both hands as he watches me like I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

Tears stream down my face as my orgasm builds, the only thing able to come out of my mouth is "Oh, fuck" and "Nikki" in the form of breathy whimpers.

When I come, my eyes screw shut, my body shutters and I completely soak Nikki's boot.

"Face, mouth, or tits?" Nikki asks me in regards to where I want his cum.

I swallow every last drop.

After making sure my crucifix wasn't crooked, my floral Sunday dress and matching heels were perfectly put back on and my hair looked like it had never been touched, Nikki and I pretended we hadn't had a little anniversary gathering in the bathroom and returned to service in time to hear that last tid bit.

In which Nikki was pissed about having to sit through, but I suppose he did anyway without any more complaints because he knew it was important to me.

"Hosea bought his wife back, like Christ bought all of us with his bloodshed on the cross. That being said, let's throw out the idea that God only chases after perfect Christians and everyone else is no good and going to hell anyway so it's the perfect Christians' job to tell everyone else they're going to burn forever." Harting states as Nikki and I slip back inside, and I scoff, thinking of my mother. "We are all sinners, people. I've known Christians that condemn just about everyone and then go home and do the equivelant of what they were condemning others for. You can't tell homosexuals they are going to hell and there is no hope for them, and then go out and have sex outside of marriage. Or say tattoos are a show of paganism and a sin and then go home and call up your friends to gossip about other people. You don't get to decide what is and isn't a sin to better suit your lifestyle. And just because someone isn't like you or doesn't think like you, does not mean they are any less worthy of God's love and a lot of Christians need to be careful who they damn to hell because God doesn't think like human's do. Our bodies, our flesh, and our mind's are imperfect and I'm affraid many of these holier-than-thou types are going to be shocked when they end up in a place they don't want to be when they die because they spent too much time alive being too hateful and worried about how other people are living, they never looked at themselves and worked on their own relationship with God and their salvation before minding other people's. Any born again Christian who truly has God in their hearts should never, ever, feel comfortable telling someone else they are going to hell. We can disagree with someone's choices and decisions or relationships and friendships or addictions and habits or view points and opinions, and love them. And respect them. And be kind to them. And treat them like human beings and if you're worried for someone's soul, pray for them as much as you want. We are here to love and uplift others. That is the way we as Christians are meant to be because that is the way God is with us. We do things all the time he doesn't like. But he loves us enough to continously chase after us and bring us back to him, and never give up on us. And that love is open to anyone willing to accept it."

He closes out his sermon and we sing one last hymn before closing out in prayer, and head back to the car.

"Well?" I ask him and he takes his sunglasses off and rubs his eyes.

"I don't know what was more adorable: seeing you all enthused over someone that doesn't exist, or seeing you have my dick in your throat during church." He pipes, laughing. "Oh, that would be cool game to play. I could be the Pervy Priest and you could be the Naughty Nun." He suggest, his hand squeezing at my thigh in a tickling motion and I squeal, fighting to get him to stop tickling me and he finally stops."It was a good message, though. He had a very nice way of saying, 'just mind your own fucking business, cunt face'."

"Shh, Nikki!" I cringe at him saying 'cunt' in the parkinglot of a church.

"Oh, sorry, didn't mean to swear in the Lord's driveway." He sarcastically apologizes and I shake my head a little and crank the car.

Later that night, Nikki heads to Robbin's place to score some smack and blow from his dealer, before we go out to dinner, and I'm stopping by to see Duff and the guys at their rehearsal.

The clicks of my heels sound against the bare concrete where stained up carpet as been ripped up.

I see two masses of teased, blonde hair in the corner by a drum kit, a fluff ball of black, curly hair laying in the floor wear sunglasses, and teased red hair.

"Duff." Izzy states, and I turn to see him on a holed up couch in the corner, cigarette hanging from his lips.

"Izzy." I acknowledge him.

"Viv." He replies in the same tone, not bothering to look up from his guitar.

"Yeah?" Duff asks, glancing over at him to see me. "Hey!" He immediately stops what he's doing to come over, the other three boys looking up at me as well. "What're you doing here?" He asks, hugging me, and I look up at him after seeing Steven coming over here.

"Nikki and I were about to go out for our anniversary and I decided to come by since I haven't talked to you in a couple weeks. But, um, I know you've been busy I just thought I would stop by." I explain, smiling when Steven's energetic vibe spills over to me when he squeezes me to him.

"Well, we were just taking a break if you wanna hangout for a little bit." Duff offers.

I glance at Axl over Duff's shoulder, seeing he's irritated, and I let out a breath.

My relationship with Axl was about how my relationship with Vince was.

We loved to hate each other.

But not because Axl was a pig like Vince was. But because he and I were the same exact person.

I don't know if it was the overzealous religious up bringing forced upon us, or our struggles with similar mental disorders, but we both had the same nearly uncontrollable temper.

We got along most of the time, our issue, though, was that we saw things differently, and would get into heated arguments.

The longer the band stayed together, the worse Axl got.

It became more and more about him, and not so much the band.

When Steven was fired for getting too deep into heroin (as if he was the only one in the band with addiction issues) Axl had the honor Robbin, Vince, and Doc, all had been given: my fist to his face.

He was trying his hardest not to punch me back as I yelled:

"I'm not in your fucking band, I'm not on your fucking payroll, so I have no problem telling you, you're a fucking piece of shit and you need a hell of a lot more help than what you're getting right now! You're acting like a trigger happy crazy person, you have got your band members paranoid about who's gonna go next and for the love of God, Axl, of all the ways you could have handled the man that has saved your wife's life not once, but twice, you fire him for doing something you idiots were glorifying three years ago?! Get your shit together, Rose, because you're getting fucking messy!"

I had quoted him, from when he said, "get your shit together, Sixx, because you're getting fucking messy" after Duff and I had nearly been caught by Nikki.

The entire time they were on tour with us, Axl was paranoid Nikki would find out Duff and I were friendly with each other, kick Guns off the tour, and blacklist them through the label...

He got even more uptight when Steven and Slash accidentally gave me weed brownies a few days into the tour, and I was stoned out of my mind for six hours straight, and Steven, Slash, Duff, and were chasing me around and trying to make sure I didn't make it obvious to anyone on Mötley's team or Nikki, Tommy, Vince and Mick, that the supporting band got Nikki's stone cold sober wife high as a kite. Izzy just found it amusing.

One thing about Axl, though. He taught Tansy how to stick up for herself, which gave her the courage to publicly out her abusers in her agency and industry. I guess that's why I didn't kill him despite the many times I heavily considered it.

"I would hang around, but, I've really gotta get going." I tell Duff. "But I'll call you tomorrow or Tuesday and we can figure out when a good time to hangout before I go to Japan, alright?"

"Okay." He nods.

"Okay, I gotta go, Steven." I squeeze him equally as tight as he is me, ruffling his hair a little.

"Boo! Buzzkill." He protests my leaving and I roll my eyes as he steps back to his drums.

"I'll talk to you later." I tell Duff, standing on my tip toes to kiss his cheek innocently.

"Yeah. Have fun tonight." He tells me. "And happy anniversary."

"Thank you, sweetie." I say as I wipe my lipstick from his cheek. "Love you, be good." I tell them before turning to go.

"Love you." Steven and Duff say back.

"Viv." Izzy tells me as I head for the door, as his way of saying 'bye'.

"Izzy." I reply, before stepping out.

#nikki sixx #vince neil #tommy lee #mötley crüe #the dirt #the dirt movie #gateway drug

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sanfl0werrr · 5 years

Text

the meaning of love

you felt weird, like really weird. the ride back home with jaemin was weird. the both of you barely spoke and he looked as if he was so done with everything. it felt as if he didn't want anything to do with you either.

i mean, he could have just rejected me, you thought, why go through all the trouble?

you decided to not think about it anymore. the run in with the dreamies were too weird, and it was probably the first and last time you will ever interact with them. at least you hoped it was.

just as you were about to leave the house, your mother called out to you, "i don't see wonwoo anymore. did you have a fight with him?"

you rolled your eyes, "no, i didn't. there's rumours that he's dating someone now. i don't know who's the lucky girl though."

"y/n doesn't need any man! she has me," your little brother ran to hug you, with his arms wide open.

"that's right, my little prince! i only need you," you kissed him on the cheek as you carried him up.

"what about me, princess?" your father coughed from behind the newspaper, "i'm practically the first man you love."

both you and your mother looked at each other and laughed, "well, someone's craving for some love."

"i'm going now. bye!" you shouted as you put your shoes on.

the rumours of wonwoo having a girlfriend was spreading like wildfire in school. no matter where you went; canteen, garden or even the toilet; you will keep hearing about it.

you sighed. your heart was hurting after all, and the fact that everyone was talking about it, made it worse. it was as if you were invisible, like you weren't the one who's been next to him all these while. everyone dismissed your existence now that wonwoo has a girlfriend.

break came, and when it was break, wonwoo would usually find you to eat together. ever since the rumour had spread, he no longer finds you anymore. so, you secluded yourself in the music room at the end of the hallway.

you entered the music room, finding solace in the silence as you sat down in front of the piano. wonwoo and you would usually hang in the music room from time to time, just catching up or even talking about random topics.

the music room was also one of the reasons why you fell for him. because when two people spend so much time together, they're bound to be alike. that was what happened to you and wonwoo, the both of you were inseparable.

remember when you told me you liked the colour green? you smiled to yourself, remember when you told me you wanted to write?

remember you told me you wouldn't leave me? your smiled faltered, remember you told me you loved me?

"it was probably as friends, though," you sighed.

"as friends? what is?" a voice boomed from behind you.

you jumped in shock, "oh god, make a noise! you nearly killed me!"

"you're exaggerating," you could sense the sarcasm in his tone.

you turned around to give the boy a piece of your mind, but you didn't expect it to be him, out of all people.

"jaemin?" you squealed.

"cat got your tongue?" he raised his brows.

before you could even say anything, the rest of the dreamies entered the room.

"y/n is here!" chenle shouted excitedly.

"luck is not on my side today," you huffed.

"what do you mean by that? we're the best you've got!" donghyuck snapped in fingers.

"i suddenly don't feel so good," you joked as you grabbed your unfinished lunch, trying to get away.

"she just called you thanos!" jisung laughed really hard, slapping mark's and jeno's arms.

"jisung!" both of them shouted in unison.

you were just about to escape the chaotic scene until someone closed the door shut from behind you.

"going somewhere?" jaemin voiced out.

you turned around, his tall figure hovering above you, "yes, i'm trying to get away."

"why!?" chenle questions you, very loud.

"i mean, aren't i intruding? seems like the music room is your hangout place," you shrugged.

"y/n... come sit with us. like chenle said yesterday, you're always welcome to hang with us," mark softens.

"why is mark so soft towards y/n? suspicious," donghyuck scratches his chin.

"yucks, i can't get used to mark being soft," jeno chides in.

"mark, i didn't know you had a crush on me," you cooed.

"oh god, y/n! stop teasing me so much. you always do that during our committee meetings!" he shrieked, "not here too, please."

you laughed, "i'll try."

the moment you looked up, your eyes made contact with jaemin's. you didn't realise how pretty he looked up close, almost too sinful to be that beautiful. you blushed momentarily and looked away, walking to take a seat to finish your lunch.

as you sat down, jaemin plopped next to you immediately after that. you looked around to see that there were a few other seats available, but didn't really heed much attention.

"so, y/n! do you like games?" renjun started the conversation.

"mobile games? not so. arcade games? hell yeah," you grew excited the moment you mentioned arcade.

jeno placed a hand on his heart, acting offended. you just laughed and stuck your tongue out as a joke.

"let's go to the arcade after school, then!" chenle suggested.

"that's very impromptu though," you widen your eyes.

"you don't like it?" renjun asked.

"hell no, i love it! let's go! i'm so excited!" you danced a little, out of excitement.

the rest of the dreamies laughed, except for jaemin. he tried stifling his smile, because he found you really cute and all he wanted was to squish your cheeks. not that you know anything though.

you were just fidgeting in class, and knowing that you're gonna go to the arcade right after that you couldn't control the excitement.

"ms y/n. i will have you know that my class hasn't ended yet," the teacher voiced out.

the bell rang right after that, signalling the end of class.

"well, it has now," you winked at the teacher.

you spranced out the door to get some of the things out of the locker that was needed for the weekend.

"arcade! let's get it," you whispered to yourself.

just as you closed your locker, someone called out to you. you turned around to see who it was and it was none other than, jeon wonwoo. right next to him was a girl, whom you assume to be his girlfriend.

"y/n!" wonwoo greeted you excitedly.

"oh, hey!" you forced a smiled.

"i know i've been missing in action a lot and i know you've probably heard the rumours and i'm super sorry for the late introduction!" he clasped his hands together, hoping you'd forgive him, "her name's aera, and she's my girlfriend!"

and those assumptions were correct.

"finally, jeon wonwoo! i've been dying to know who's the lucky girl!" you took his hands and jumped around gleefully, while your heart literally broke into a million pieces yet again.

"i wanted you to be the first one to know and i'm sorry for keeping this from you. you're my best friend," wonwoo smiled.

you're my best friend, he said.

"o-of course! you're my best friend too," you repeated to assure him but it somehow left a bitter taste in your mouth.

"let's catch up soon, y/n!" wonwoo waved goodbye.

looking at their silhoutte fading away, your tears threatened to fall any minute. i thought i told you to suck it up, you said to yourself again, suck it up!

he isn't worth any tears, you tried brainwashing yourself again, but the tears fell anyway.

you ran to the music room. you didn't care if anyone saw you or judged you, but you kept running. you just needed to be alone.

the moment you slammed the door open, you were face-to-face with 7 familiar faces.

"y/n?" chenle whispered.

"oh my god, what happened?" donghyuck tried to come closer.

you stepped back, shock evident on everyone's faces, including yours.

"i-i have to go, i'm sorry," you ran away.

"y/n!" you heard jaemin calling out to you.

you ran till you reach the one place with no memories of wonwoo and you together; dream book cafe.

with a heavy breathing, you tried to make yourself comfortable at the restricted section that was located at the end of the room. you hated that you cried easily, and the fact that you've fallen deeply in love with your best friend.

everyone said don't ever fall for your best friend, and you could see why now. there wasn't any guarantee that he/she will love you back. you only realised that now, which sucks.

"y/n?" a voice call out to you.

you immediately looked up and widen your eyes, "h-how did you know i was here?"

"i live around here remember? and you mentioned this cafe once before," jaemin sighed.

he came closer and sat right next to you, "wanna tell me what happened?"

"n-no," you stuttered.

"really?" he asked once again.

you hiccup, "n-no."

jaemin chuckled, "come here."

he placed his hand over you, making you lean onto his broad shoulder.

"are you comfortable?" he peered into your face, making sure that you're okay.

you nodded, "very comfortable, thanks to you."

jaemin chuckled once again, "so, do you wanna tell me why you were crying?"

you waited and contemplated for a little while, wondering if you should opened up to jaemin. i mean, he was actually the one who didn't talk to you, but also, what's the harm in letting him know.

you breathed in, wondering how to start, "um, well.. i like someone, and he turns out to be my best friend."

you looked at jaemin, and he was staring back at you, listening to every word you were saying.

"maybe it's more than just a like. maybe it's love, but i don't know. we've spent every day together and doing things together and that made me grown to like him so much, so the thought of us being together most of the time was never really weird. i thought maybe we had a chance together, until i saw his girlfriend."

you paused again, and you felt jaemin hugging you tighter.

"his girlfriend was so pretty and they really look compatible together. maybe, it was just me, being my delusional self, you know. wonwoo deserved way better and i can never match up to him, i would never. i was never meant to be loved by him but i wanted him to love me badly."

"you're fine the way you are, y/n. my words probably won't be of any comfort but, believe me when i say you deserve just as much love as wonwoo. maybe even more. the love you give to people is the love you're definitely gonna get back. wonwoo's girlfriend is pretty, you say? i think you're even more stunning and charming than anyone i've met."

you didn't dare to look up to meet his eyes. you didn't want him to see you've became a mess, a blushing mess. it wasn't even a confession, you know it, but it drove you mad, a wreck.

from then on, you knew things will never be the same.

#nct #nct dream #nct 127 #nct u #nct imagines #nct jaemin #nct jeno #nct mark #nct haechan #nct renjun #nct chenle #nct jisung #na jaemin #jaemin scenario

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shivercloud · 6 years

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A little trouble never hurt anybody (Loki x reader one shot soulmate AU) part.1

Warnings: a little bit of fluff. And lots of cussing.

Summary: Loki and reader soulmate AU. you were recruited as an Avenger and an agent of Shield you were vicious and NO ONE messed with you. you were vicious yet caring and could be kind you were a tom-boy. Unfortunately, your soulmate happened to be the Trickster Loki Laufeyson/odinson whom you hated since he had killed your whole family in the whole New York incident, his very existence irked you, you wished him dead. But things change once your soulmark appears on your arm. After he escaped the Asgardian dungeon and took over Asgard. So Thor brought him back to Midgard and He was being punished by having to be an Agent of Shield against his will and being under 24/7 surveillance which you hated, you didn't see him ever since you avoided him and shot him a glare every time you DID see him.

Powers and abilities: you are half Asgardian so long life span, stronger then Midgardians, heal faster than Midgardians. You are a master assassin even better then Natasha was also kept in the red room but never had graduation since your younger and your parents found you and took you out before Natasha was graduated. You have the ability to control fire.

Onto the story.....

It was a normal day at the Avengers compound and it was 4 years since New York and almost everybody had a soulmate but you didn't you were thinking to yourself as the sun shone into your bedroom "am I EVER gonna get a soulmate? Will I forever be alone? Why can't I have a soulmate!? I don't want to be ALONE FOREVER!"

You get out of your bed in a pout and change into a pair of ripped jeans and a t-shirt and put your hair up in a ponytail and did your usual morning stuff and then went to the living room.

You saw everyone with their soulmates which made you envious and Tony asks "still no soulmark?" You pull up your sleeve and say grumpily "nope, I'm gonna die alone if only I wasn't half Asgardian, I hate my life and I hate well hated my Dad" Tony says "[Name] we all know you don't or didn't hate your Dad" you reply "I know, but I wish I was just 100% Midgardian, I HATE my life!"

Thor walks in and says "[Name] Being Asgardian isn't all that bad, your more advanced then Midgardians then" you reply "I DONT care! If I wasn't half Asgardian I'd be dead and wouldn't have to worry about never having a soul mate!" Thor says "if it makes you feel better, my Brother doesn't have one either" you reply "dont remind me of that nuisance and egotistical idiot! He doesn't even deserve one!"

Just then the idiot walks in and you scoff "look who's here now, the last person in the nine realms I want to see" Thor says "[Name] my brother doesn't do that anymore" you reply "I HATE his very existence, and I will NEVER forgive him he's the very reason I have absolutely no family" Thor says "[Name] I have no family either the only family I have is Loki" you reply "if you want some pity you've come to the wrong person, why don't you go get pity from your Soulmate! Being your Valkyrie girl" (Brunhilde is Thor's soulmate in this story). You stomp off to your room and shut the door and lock it.

Natasha walked into the living room and says "what was that all about?" Thor answers "Lady [Name], is upset," Natasha asks "about what now?" Tony responds "she still doesn't have a soulmark and she still hates Reindeer games" Thor adds "and I said something I shouldn't have," Natasha asks "did you bring up her family again?" Thor replies "yeah, sort of, I didn't mean to," Natasha says "you, know she's sensitive about that, we all do" Thor replies "I know, I didn't mean to upset Lady [F/N]" Natasha says "I know you didn't, I'll go talk to her."

Your POV

I went to my room angry And thought "I know I need to grow up and stop getting upset everytime someone mentions my dead family, but it's painful, remembering that and I also shouldn't get upset about not having a soulmate i'm not the only one, like sam and neither does Bucky that's it may be one of them are my soulmate, maybe Bucky is he is cute, but I don't even have a soulmark yet."

There's a knock at my door so I answer "who is it?" I hear Natasha say "it's me Nat" I respond "come in" and I unlock the door and Nat comes in and asks "you, ok [Name]?" You reply "good enough, you're lucky you have a soulmark and soulmate," Natasha says "yeah I was shocked when I found out about my soulmark" you reply "I knew that you and Banner were meant for each other."

You sigh "but, I have no one," Nat says "cheer up, I know you'll get one" you reply "I doubt it, everybody has one except me, you have Banner, Steve HAD Peggy Carter, Tony has Pepper, Thor has his valkyrie girl, Wanda has Vision, Clint has Laura, Rhodes has someone no one knows and I have no one its not fair! I don't want to die alone!"

Nat says "[Name] don't lose hope it took me about 10 years at least to find mine, and you age slower so I know you'll get someone, now come on everyone is here at the compound today, even Clint so we can do something with the team. Nat says " come on I thought we were best friends?" You reply "we are but, I'm still jealous that you have a soulmate, even if we have been through the same thing" Nat replies "yeah, I'm glad you didn't graduate."

You reply "I really wish I could've taken you with me when my parents got me out of that shit hole" Nat replies "it's fine, let's just go join the team I'll make sure you sit AWAY from Loki" you reply "fine, just I know those memories haunt you more than they haunt me, have you spoken to Bruce about it?" Nat replies "yeah, talking about it helps even if it was horrifying, but PLEASE let's go?" You reply "fine," Nat says "good, also if you ever get a soulmark, tell me," you ask "why?"

Nat responds "cause then I can help you try to figure out who it is if you won't know it by then" you respond "umm, ok," Nat says "now, come on Bruce and I will make sure you don't sit by Loki".

You respond "good, you're a good best friend" you and Nat get on your way and you say "I wish Shield wouldn't have done what they did with him" Natasha responds "we all do, except Maybe Thor."

You and Natasha go to the living room and see everybody gathered except Loki but that didn't matter anyway he and a tracking device on him and Tony says "we should do something, as a team something fun none of us are working" you ask Tony "then what do, YOU suggest?" Tony replies "hey, you finally came, I don't know 7 minutes in heaven?" You respond "HECK NO, besides everyone has a soulmate already" Tony replies "you dont, and neither do Barnes, or Wilson" you reply "Tony that game stinks and no."

Tony suggests "what about spin the bottle?" You reply "no, like I said you all have soulmates and I don't" you sigh "whatever, I'll be in the library reading until somebody, comes up with an idea of some sort, so goodbye" you leave and Tony says "she's still upset about having no soulmate isn't she?" Nat responds "I think so," Tony says "what if we tried getting Reindeer games and [Name] together?" Nat replies "no 1st of All. She hates his guts 2nd of all. he doesn't deserve my best friend 3rd of all. She doesn't even have a soulmark yet!" Tony replies "that's true, what about Barnes and her?" Nat points out "she and him no and like I already said, she doesn't even have a soulmark" Tony says "that's why we could experiment, because usually, you have to have some chemistry with your soulmate before the soulmark appears" Nat says "no, I think we should Let her do that herself."

Just then Nat's phone rings and she sees its fury calling and says "I have to take this it's Fury, probably a mission" Nat leaves the room and answers the phone and Fury says "Agent Romanoff?" Nat responds "yes, Director?" Fury replies "I have a mission for you, Agent [L/N], and Laufeyson well Agent Laufeyson" Nat responds "but [Name] hates Loki and I dont blame her" fury responds through the phone "that's why your there otherwise it'd just be them, im well aware of her hatred for him and I don't like him either, but, this mission requires him and her and you to make sure [Name] doesn't try to kill him or he try to kill her."

Nat says into the phone "i'll go get them and you can let us know our mission" Fury responds through the phone "ok" Natasha says "I'll put you on hold Fury."

Your POV

I just went to the library and grabbed a book and sat down just then I heard someone walk by and clear their throat and I look up from my seat and see Loki so I give him a sarcastic grin and then look back down to my book and cross my legs on top each other in a comfortable position and I hear Loki say "excuse me?" I ignore him and he says again in a more annoyed tone "excuse me!?" I growl and look up to him and ask "what!?" I look back down and he says "excuse me, mortal?!"

I snap my head up to him and snap "what?! And I am NOT Mortal sadly, I wish I was but I'm not, now WHAT do you want, your highness?" The last part was dripping with sarcasm Loki says "your sitting in my seat" I reply "well, boohoo, get lost because I don't give a fuck! You royal arrogant asshole!"

Loki responds "fine, then I'll sit there" he points to the seat next to me which I quickly put my legs onto and say "NOPE! That's reserved Loki says " oh, really? For who?" I respond "for my legs are you blind?" Loki throws my legs off but I kick him in the face and say innocently but with sarcasm "oops, didn't know that was your face, sorry."

I get up but Loki stops me by trapping me against the bookshelf and asks "why do you hate me so much?" I reply "easy, your arrogant, egotistical, selfish and a jackass!" I try to escape but Loki doesn't let me and Loki says "really, I know it's not just that" I reply "alright, you wanna know the rest then fine, you killed my family mercilessly easy because of your a jackass and a monster."

I snap "now LET ME GO! Or you'll regret it!" Loki replies "please i'm a god, you couldn't harm me in the slightest way" I challenge "oh, really, you think you're better than everyone?" I ignite my hands on fire and squeeze his wrists burning him and I question him "hurts, doesn't it?" Loki tries giving me a straight face but winces in pain and I smirk in satisfactory "I thought so."

He moves so I can escape and winces in pain and rubs his arm so he's no longer trapping me and I flip him off and say "Fuck you little bastard!" I throw my hair that came out of the ponytail over my shoulder and I leave to get a new book since I finished the one I was reading.

Loki's thoughts after that: "I like this Mortal, she's vicious and beautiful also fun to mess with she's feisty, just for a woman she dresses weirdly, no make-up at least I think. boyish- but still girlish yet clothing, no jewellery and a very strange attitude."

I grabbed a new book and went back to the soft bean bags and saw he was sitting on the one I was on before so I give him a glare and he just smirks while reading his book and he has his legs on the other one so I give him an unimpressed expression and he smirks while reading I pull the second beanbag out from under his legs and I 'accidentally' kick him in the crotch.

And he groans in pain and glares at me in pain still and I smirk and say innocently "oops" and I take the beanbag and sit away from him and just when I open my book and start reading i'm interrupted by Natasha which slightly ticks me off.

3rd POV

Natasha says to you "[Name], we have a mission" you groan and place your bookmark in the book and put it on the ground beside you and ask "what is it?" Nat responds "we need Loki as well unfortunately and luckily you two were in the same place at the same time" you say to Nat "I don't think that asshole can hear you."

Nat sighs and you shout "hey bozo!" Loki looks up from his book and glares at you and you shout "yeah, you idiot murderer, with hideous clothing" Loki glares and stays in his spot so you roll your eyes and say "get your ass over here!" Loki growls angrily and comes over and asks "what is so important that you MUST bother me while I read?! Weak Mortal!" You shout for the hundredth time "is not mortal you little shit I'm only half I wish I were completely mortal but I'm not so, shut the fuck up! There's something important to discuss."

Loki scoffs "fine, what?" Natasha puts her phone off hold and says "I suggest that we go to the table" so the three of you go to the table in the library and Natasha puts her phone on speakerphone and says "hello, Fury I've got them here now" Fury says through the phone "ok, well this is an important mission, the mission is there is a terrorist boat full of dangerous weapons and illegal weapons, a small shipment but still and I need the three of you to stop it from making it to the destination and I need you three to destroy them, but however there are hostages aboard the ship which you need to save and stop the shipment do whatever it takes to save the innocents and stop the shipments."

You ask "and why do we need the idiot to help out? Not like he'll be any use to us, why not just Nat and I?" Fury responds through the phone "it's too dangerous for just you two" you ask "then why not replace the idiot with someone I dont know..... Useful?" Fury replies "quit your complaining, you sound like a child and it'll either be just you and Laufeyson or the three of you your choice."

You groan and say "well Fury, I'm sorry as much as I like killing bad guys and saving good peoples lives I am gonna have to respectfully decline and putting bad guys where they belong" you shoot Loki a death glare and Fury says "well, too bad you dont have a choice, any other complaints?" Loki says "yes, I can't do this with HER, so I refuse," Fury says "too damn bad Laufeyson, we technically own you and if we didn't you'd be dead, a Quinjet sill be there soon to pick the three of you up an take you to shield HQ to get your equipment and Romanoff you need to check and take save any Shield intel, I expect all of you to put your hatred aside and work as a team, Romanoff is mainly there so [L/N] doesn't murder Laufeyson or the other way around, get ready the Quinjet should be there in a an hour, which'll leave you three with approximately 2 hours once you reach the destination to stop these weapons from reaching their destination."

With that Fury hangs up and all evidence of that conversation is erased automatically you say to Natasha "Nat?" She asks "what?" You reply "let's spar, I NEED to train a bit and blow off some steam" Natasha replies "I'm sorry [F/N] I can't I wanted to spend time with Bruce and the team" you reply "ugh, ok, then I'll train by myself."

Nat says "sorry, you might hate me for even suggesting this, but spar with him," you say in disbelief "heck no!" Loki says "and I refuse to train well spar with YOU, of all people."

You leave the library along with Nat and you go to your room and quickly go to the training room alone and you sigh unhappily once you get to the training room and you go over to the punching beg.

Using the right gear, you punch it hard and fast repeatedly in a frustrated way and while you're beating up the punching bag you think "ok, actually now I wouldn't mind sparring with Loki, it might be fun to beat the shit out of him, but I'm pretty sure he meant it when he refused" you hear someone walk in and say "I didn't think that the poor thing hurt you" you look and see Loki and you can't help but laugh quietly.

Loki comments "is that laughter I hear?'" You respond in a vicious tone "shut up, why are you here anyway?" Loki replies "because I changed my mind, I'll spar with you" you reply "well, it's too late now" Loki responds "are you sure now?" You reply "ok, fine, but dont get mad if I kick your ass" you leave the punching bag and go over to Loki

Loki says "you won't be able to kick my ass" you reply "sure, sure DONT underestimate me," Loki says "I won't but dont underestimate me either" you reply "weapons or magic?" Loki says "you know magic?" You reply "a bit yes and I can control fire, long-story-short my Dad whom you murdered mercilessly was Asgardian and taught me some Asgardian Magic," Loki asks "do you know how to do illusions?" You reply "not really, I mainly know Asgardian fighting and earth fighting and I can use fire magic."

You make a little flame dance on your hand and then make a little fire Cat appear on your hand and Loki says "that's actually fascinating" you reply "umm thanks? I guess" Loki replies "I'm sorry" you respond "for what?" Loki replies "for everything" you respond "are you ok?" Loki shrugs and answers "perhaps not" you reply "ok, well lets spar I want to get some training done before we have to leave for the mission and you better not screw it up."

Loki replies "more, like you better not" you growl basically and say in a competitive tone "lets spar," Loki says "ok, but weapons or magic?" You reply "just weapons, you're probably crappy with a weapon" Loki replies "oh, really? I don't do just magic, I do daggers as well and not to brag but I'm quite skilled with them" you reply sarcastically "sure."

Loki says "you'll see" you reply "what kind of weapons?" Loki asks "what weapons do you normally use?" You reply "my skills and shield weapons, but when I trained with my Dad I used small blades or well small knives, similar to daggers but different, but if I'm gonna use it I need to go get it" Loki replies "ok, well hurry, I'll just be waiting here."

You leave and quickly go to your room and you go to the drawer that you had it in and unfold it from the cloth you wrapped it in and took it out of the sheath and stroked your finger on it and say to yourself "Dad, mom brother, I'm sorry I would take this opportunity to kill him but I can't, everybody would notice, one day I WILL avenge all of you, I WILL kill him just not now, I'll at least get some of his blood shed onto here."

You put it back into its sheath and go to the training room and you see Loki waiting for you to return patiently and he gets up when you reach and you ask "don't you need your dagger" he uses his magic and makes one appear and says "I already have one."

You attack Loki without warning and just barely miss his arm and he laughs and mocks "you missed" you cuss "crap" and ask "you've got good reflexes huh?" you add "well, I've got better Reflexes" Loki lunges an attack on you but you avoid it and twist his hand around so his own weapon is pointing at his own throat and Loki says "maybe, I did underestimate you, I'm not gonna go easy on you now" you reply "ok, that's fine."

You and Loki spar for almost an hour both with scratches when you cut his cheek and make him bleed and he says "impressive, it's not easy to draw blood, but then again your half Asgardian" he wipes it off but it keeps on bleeding and he cuts your arm slightly leaving a tiny cut.

Natasha walks in and says "you two, quintet just got here let's go, so quickly change and then come on I'll be waiting by the door that leads outside" you nod and you say to Loki "you might wanna clean up that wound" Loki replies "I know" you and Loki leave and you say "as much as I hate saying this, your.... Decent at sparring" Loki replies "as much as I hate to say it as well, so are you."

You reply "ugh, I hate myself for this so much but, maybe we should spar again sometime, ugh your... A good sparring partner" Loki replies stiffly "I agree and so are you."

You and Loki go two different directions and you think "Dad, Mom, Big Brother I am SO sorry I know I shouldn't be making friends with the enemy, I am SO deeply, sincerely sorry, I've failed but I swear on my life I WILL avenge you, all of you, at least I'll try."

You quickly change out of your gym clothes and put deodorant and perfume on you gather some of your equipment since most of it was at shield HQ and you go and find Natasha waiting and she asks "where is he?" You reply "I have no idea, I dont keep fucking tabs on him!" Nat says "woah, sorry [Name] calm down."

Loki comes and sighs and says "let's get this over with" you see he's wearing his armour and say "you are SUCH An idiot!" Loki looks confused at you and asks "what did I do?" You reply "you can't go on a SHIELD mission in THAT!" Loki challenges "oh and why not?!" You facepalm and ask "have you been on ANY Shield missions at ALL?!" Loki responds "no" you reply "of, course you haven't, well what you're wearing it attracts WAY too much attention, working fo Shield you need something that doesn't attract attention but I'm sure shield has something for you to wear."

Natasha says "[Name] is right you can't wear that on a shield mission, it attracts too much attention but I'm sure Fury has something," you say to Nat "he's probably going to have to wear something like what Clint wears" Natasha replies "probably," Loki says "I'm still here and I REFUSE to wear something like that" you reply "your gonna have to."

You, Nat and unfortunately Loki board the Quinjet and fly off to Shield HQ on your way you say to Natasha "It feels like I haven't been on a mission in forever" Natasha replies "yeah, it has been a while" you reply "missions are my life, I've missed them, I'm never gonna give up my life working for Shield, its the best" Nat replies "yeah, Shield is nice they give everyone a second chance."

Loki just sits silently and looks at the ground and asks "how do you two get along so well?" You reply "we're best friends and we went through the same thing."

---------time skip----------

The three of you reach HQ and the door opens and the three of you get off and go in and go to the equipment room and Fury walks in and says "Agent [L/N], it's been a while, one of our top agents its good to see you and Romanoff good see you as well, I see Laufeyson actually came, figured he'd escape somehow" you reply "I'm shocked as well and it's good to see you, director" Fury says "Laufeyson, we, have some equipment for you, seeing as you dont have anything other than your Asgardian armour which will attract too much attention, its still your style but it's dark colours that won't attract attention, follow me Agent Laufeyson."

Loki follows after Fury, while you and Nat get your equipment and once you two have equipment on Loki returns and you can't help but look him up and town and take in how good he looks once you notice he notices you look at your shoes and Nat says "let's go."

-------------time skip-------------

You reach your destination and Natasha says "[L/N], Laufeyson both of you to save the hostages and then destroy the illegal weapons if possible you nod and Loki asks Natasha " why do you get to make the orders here?" Natasha replies "I have way more experience that's why now while I go save any Shield intel and you two NEED to work together, [L/N] you get to give Laufeyson orders" you nod and Loki grits his teeth together angrily and Natasha goes on.

Loki growls quietly "why must I listen to YOU?!" You reply "easy you've never been out in the field and I have, therefore I have more experience, now shut up and stop complaining you sound like a little boy" Loki spits "EXCUSE ME?!" You say nothing but saying "we're supposed to work as a team so just Fucking listen to me PLEASE" Loki scoffs "Fine."

.....later.....

You and Loki find the hostages but see that they're heavily guarded and you whisper to Loki "we need to do whatever it takes to get in their Laufeyson, which means you can kill the bad guys but not, the victims."

He nods and says "I'll go the other direction" you give him a thumbs up and he goes and you go and you both bust the doors down and you attacked by a bunch of guys but burn some of them and kill them by throwing them at the wall with force and snapping there necks another one attacks you and your hand is on flame and you put it on there throat and burn a hole hearing gurgling sound and they fall lifeless to the floor.

Loki says "and you call me merciless" you hiss "shut up" and you speak into your ear com "we've got the hostages, we need someone to come and get them" you hear Agent Hill on the other end "someone will be there right away" you reply "ok."

you and Loki untie the hostages and get rid of their gags and they look scared so you reassure them "someone will be here to get all of you home soon" they all nod and soon a Quinjet large enough for them arrives with one of the shield agents that you recognize but don't remember the name of and after all the innocents get on board they fly away.

Natasha finds you and Loki and asks "the victims are safe?" You nod and she says "well now, we need to destroy those weapons."

You nod and all go to where the weapons are located and find a jackpot you say "if we want to do this the easy way I could just burn this ship down, my fire is so strong that they'll melt" Nat says "check if that's allowed" you nod and say into your com "can I just burn this place down?" You hear Fury "yes, but do it once a ride comes I'll send one immediately."

A few minutes later a Quinjet arrives and you set the weapons on fire you're all on your way out when someone puts something on your mouth and nose and you pass out seeing Natasha ln the Quinjet and no sign of Loki.

After that, it was all black.

#loki laufeyson #loki (marvel)#loki odinson #reader insert #fanfic #romance #x reader #fanfcition

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