#I'll regret posting this at one of the worst times of day for posting for me but oh well...

[reiderwriter]

Elevator Pitch

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

WC: 2k!!

Warnings: Smut, fingering, semi-public sex/ foreplay, praise kink-ish, some pet names completely ignored Spencer's germophobia to make this work 18+ MINORS DNI

Summary: Getting trapped in an elevator is never fun, but at least the attractive you're sharing the metal box of death with has an interesting idea about how you can pass the time.

A/N: This is just a really quick drabble for @imagining-in-the-margins Meet Cute challenge for this month!! I have an idea for another one that I'll post closer to Halloween too, so look forward to that alongside all the kinktober fics 👀

Check out my masterlist here!

You weren't planning on running late on your very first day on your new team, but here you were. You were scheduled to meet Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner in his office at 9 a.m. sharp, and here you were at 8:57, trapped inside an elevator. At least you weren't alone, but alone with a stranger, and one who seemed to be talkative in the worst way wasn't exactly ideal either. 

"Hey, don't panic. There are about 6 elevator-related deaths per year and about 100,000 injuries. I'm pretty confident about those statistics." He said, taking a sip of his coffee as he stood calmly by the door, pressing buttons and waiting for something to happen. 

"Oh god, I'm gonna die in here." You whimpered a little bit, falling to your knees and screwing your eyes shut. 

"No, I said we're not gonna die. Or its at least very unlikely." 

"And I'm supposed to trust you?" 

"Yes, I'm very good with numbers. Elevator accidents account for 0.00024% of all elevators in service in the US. There you don't have to panic anymore." Almost punctuating his words, the elevator gave a low groan and fell an inch lower, pushing him off balance and toppling to the floor right next to you. 

"That was just unfortunate timing." He said, his breath hitting your face. Your eyes opened again finally, and you noticed that due to his topple, he was way closer than before, face merely inches from your own. Whoever this overconfident stranger was, he was attractive. Distractingly so, as you didn't respond to his sentence the entire time he was there in front of you, words suddenly escaping you as you stared into his dark, wide eyes. 

"Mechanical issues are the cause of about 15.3% of elevator incidents. Since we're in Quantico, we can probably rule out foul play, which means that they'll probably have us back up and running in around 27 minutes." Opening his mouth ruined the fantasy for a minute, waking you up to the reality of your situation. 

"Did you work an elevator case or something, why do you know so much about this?" You regretted the question as soon as you asked it, as he launched into another speech. 

"I read the statistical reports published by the CPSC and the OSHA. It’s really interesting stuff actually, there are-”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way but I need you to shut up. I don’t think I can take any more statistics about my inevitable death by elevator. Can we do something else instead?”

“Like what?” 

“I don’t know. Can you… Can you hold my hand?” You felt yourself flush red the second the words left your mouth, and suddenly it was your turn to talk too much. “My mom used to do it when I was scared as a kid, and obviously you’re not my mom, and you don’t even know me, but I thought it could help comfort both of us. Human contact and touch is supposedly comforting in times of distress so I just thought…” He cut you off by silently grabbing your hand and settling into a seated position beside you and you sent a little prayer up to god to spare both your soul and your heart. 

Because Jesus Christ it was beating hard now.

“Oxytocin,” he said and you looked up at him with a questioning look. “Oxytocin is released when you come into contact with other people, it’s the reason newborn babies benefit from skin-to-skin contact and why humans enjoy petting domestic animals so much. And the whole sex to destress thing.” He nodded and looked away, but you could have sworn the oxygen was completely sucked out of the room when he mentioned sex. 

“Sex?” He turned to you as you said the word, as if processing the conversation you were in the middle of it. 

“Yeah, never heard of it?” You rolled your eyes and squeezed his hand in your own for a second, but his body was leaning closer into yours now, his entire attention on you, as if he expected you to answer the question. 

“Of course I have.” 

“And what do you think? Can it help you de-stress?” 

Your mouth moves before you can stop it. “Can we stop talking about this please, I’m already scared, I don’t need to be scared and horny.” You close your eyes and groan as his widen again, and suddenly you’re praying again, but this time you wouldn’t really mind if you became one of those six elevator malfunction deaths. 

“I don’t know, maybe it would help you. There are some studies that show that stress can have aphrodisiacal impacts in women, you know?” His voice was light, but your entire body stiffened as you looked into his eyes, trying to gauge what this stranger was offering. 

“So what, you’re suggesting I just get more and more turned on until I’m not worried about death?” 

“No, I’m suggesting I close the gap between us and distract you for a while.” You spared a glance down to his lips then, his tongue darting out to lick them and pulling you in closer. You nodded quickly, a small movement and he pushed his lips down into yours. 

He was soft at first, and you almost felt like pulling away and scalding yourself for engaging in risky behavior during a near-death experience. But just as you moved to pull away, his hand came up to your hair and you melted right back into him, the kiss deepening as you slanted your neck up to give up more of yourself to him. 

You barely feel his hands pulling you into his lap, but you’re suddenly there and so happy you are. Your free hand wanders up to his chest as he squeezes your connected digits again, sending your heart into a fit of palpitations. In a panic you pull away, groaning a little as you can feel his not stiff member poking between your legs. 

“Sorry, I don’t think we exchanged names. I’m Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N..” 

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” His lips fall down to your neck as he whispers the words into your skin, and you let your head fall back as his hands untangle from you and fall to your hips, encouraging your movements as you begin grinding over him.

“And you said we had twenty-seven minutes before we’re free, right?” 

“Whose the one talking too much now?” He bit into your neck sharply then, and you moaned out, battling the urge to let him take you there on the elevator floor. From it’s perch on your hip, his hand slips down and pops the button in your pants, pushing inside and finally touching you through your panties.

“That’s it, good girl, just keep grinding down on me.” Unconsciously, you press your hips into his hands, the pressure leaving you letting out a whistful sigh of relief. 

“God,… Should we be doing this here?” Your words were unsure, but your movements weren’t as you pushed yourself into him again and again, desperate to feel more of him as he rubbed circles into your clit, driving you closer and closer to your peak. 

“Let’s assume for now that the elevator malfunction has wiped out the CCTV,” he says, lips pressing against your skin as you lose yourself in his touch again. “We absolutely should be doing this.” 

His words fell straight to your core, and you felt yourself grow more aroused as you pondered being caught in such an intimate position with a stranger.

“You think you can cum right here, baby? Think you can give me one soon?” His words almost sent you over the edge, his smile widening as your hips twitched over his. 

“Fuck, yes, yes, please, don’t stop.” 

“Not so scared about this elevator anymore are you? Or did you want to spend your last moments coming undone in my hands?” With his words, you lost the ability to speak, simply moaning out your agreement to his every word. 

“I think I can hear someone talking through the walls, baby, you’re going to have to cum now for me, can you do that?” You nodded to him as he increased his pace on your words, and within seconds, you were letting it all out, head falling against his shoulder as you twitched through your orgasm. He pulled his hands out of your pants quickly and pressed a kiss to your lips, pulling you up to a standing position and making you look presentable as the doors to the elevator were finally pried open from the other side. 

“Hey, how are you guys holding up in there?” The call came from the maintenance staff, and you were sudden;y thankful that he’d finished you off when he did because as horny as you’d been, actually getting caught like that was something entirely different than the fantasy of it. 

You’re almost sorry that you have to leave when you do, suddenly absolutely involved in helping him “destress” the same way he’d helped you out. But he removes his hands from you and strikes up a conversation with the maintenance staff working to get your elevator level with the floor doors. You gravitate to the back of the stall, gripping the railing while your brain catches up to the circumstances. 

In no time, the elevator is back in working order, and you and your stranger are stepping foot on steady ground again, and saying your goodbyes.  

“Aaron Hotchner’s office is through those doors. Up the stairs to the left.” He smiles and nods at you before turning down the corridor and leaving you there by yourself. A glance at your clock tells you you’re too late to question his words, and how he even knew where you were going. You take off down the hall, ready to profusely apologize to your new boss and pledge to take the stairs for the rest of your days. 

When Hotch finally greets you, he has already heard about the elevator malfunction, and all is thankfully forgiven. You have to bite your tongue before asking if everyone on this floor is psychic. But you’re still late, and you have a case, so your introductions have to take place in the briefing room and you half-run, half-walk behind the older man as he makes his way down the hall. 

“Everyone we have a new team member today, please help her out for this first one and show her the ropes.” He introduces you by name, and you’re suddenly doing your best to memorize the names of a Prentiss, a Rossi, a Morgan, a JJ, and one Penelope Garcia. They seem to be waiting for someone else, but with the clock ticking, Penelope begins debriefing you on the next case.  

“Sorry I’m late,” a voice calls from the door, and you feel the hairs on your neck stand up in shock as everyone slowly turns to greet the newcomer. 

“What time do you call this?” Morgan laughs as the familiar man approaches, and a quick glance around tells you that the only seat left at the table, which had been so obviously reserved by the pile of paper files in contrast to everyone else's digital alternatives, was right next to you. 

“Spencer, we have a new team member, this is Y/N. She’ll be joining us on cases from today onwards.” Hotch quickly says, and you lock eyes with the man just as he falls into his seat. 

“I think we’re acquainted. Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Spencer Reid.” The room falls silent as he holds out his hand for you to shake, and you do your best to not show your shock and embarrassment on your face. You let your hand fall into his, the same one that you’d held earlier, the same one that had worked you up to the edge and then helped you pour over it, the same one that had pulled you together afterward. You said nothing after you’d finally pulled apart, waiting for him to make the next move once again. 

“I look forward to working with you.” 

[jayujus]

JOAH (I LIKE YOU) - NI-KI SMAU

synopsis ❀ : in where fashion student and model, jo y/n, has been openly crushing on dance student, riki nishimura for god knows how long. that is until one day, she crushes on someone else and riki goes feral.

featuring ❀ : (ZOA of WEEEKLY as yn's faceclaim), enhypen maknae line, new jeans' danielle, treasure's junghwan, xikers' junghoon, p1harmony's soul and jongseob, &team's taki, konon, ive's wonyoung + maybe more to come

genre(s) ❀ : fluff, angsty, kinda love triangle, crack ??

warnings ❀ : kys jokes n that stuff, cursing, riki's mean, ignore timestamps

started ❀ : june 9 2023

completed ❀ : august 1 2023

taglist ❀ : closed

authors note ❀ : tbh this is my first time actually posting on this account and i'm a bit nervous as to how this smau will play out 🥲 also so so sorry if its boring 😭 i'll try to update everyday if possible, but as of june 23, i will be a little less frequent

profiles ❀ : we told her to buckle up 🤷🏻‍♀️ | hi stink 😝

chapters !

01 : PLS ONE CHANCE BRO

02 : so mean

03 : keshi concert

04 : he thinks i'm pretty?

05 : can't let go

06 : konon's advice

07 : time to move on

08 : yn's character development

09 : junghoon's bold era

10 : the truth hurts

11 : the what if's

12 : date night!

13 : regretful

14 : riki's depression

15 : mixed emotions

16 : not so smart

17 : new best fran 💬 0.4k + smau

18 : we've been replaced

19 : i think he needs some water

20 : cringe :/

21 : shota's schemes

22 : bouquet of roses

23 : top 10 worst anime betrayals

24 : predicament

25 : make amends 💬 0.4k + smau

26 : operation: win yn over!

27 : #exposed

28 : MAMA 😭😭😭😭😭

29 : honest feelings

30 : #ditched

31 : RICE 🍚😫😫

32 : he really is rizzki

33 : d-day 💬 0.8k + smau

34 : enchanted

35 : psych ward

end

copyright © jayujus 2023 all rights reserved

[antisocialsharky]

ASPD: The Desire for and Run from Intimacy

This post will only contain my personal opinion and experience. It may not be applicable to all other people with ASPD and may likewise be relatable to people who do not have it.

I am only going to be talking about emotional intimacy, but this post is definitely also applicable to the other type of intimacy!

I'll make myself pretty vulnerable in this post, by discussing my personal experience, so you better not make me regret that!

Abbreviations:

ASPD = Antisocial Personality Disorder

ASPD is a disability caused by prolonged childhood trauma (with many possible variations), that develops in order to protect the brain from said trauma, or rather to help the brain deal with it in some way!

While the consequences of this in the context of intimacy, look different for every person with ASPD, many do report: a difficulty with developing bonds, having problems trusting people & giving away control, losing feelings for people quickly and abruptly/getting "bored" of people, responding extremely to arguments, having problems dealing with peoples emotions/ problems with being close to people etc.

This may be due to a variety of factors, but does often tie back to having no or few positive experiences with intimacy, having not learned how to exist in relationships properly/a lack of being socialized, not having the necessary prosocial emotions and mechanisms to deal with it and other similar things.

While this causes some people with ASPD to develop a brain, that does not have a need for emotional intimacy at all, others develop a brain, that craves the emotional intimacy it has been denied, but which will also fight said intimacy at every turn.

Thats as much generalized info as I can give you, as the exact representation of this is highly individual, but I will offer my personal experience on the following slides!

What you need to know is that I was accidentally neglected for huge parts of my childhood and teens and did not get my emotional and social needs met most of the time, while also knowing that my parents were theoretically capable of that, as they were giving everything I lacked to my sibling.

This caused me to grow up with a burning desire for intimacy, while being disappointed by people time and time again, failing to actually develop the things needed to experience this intimacy and partially growing to resent it and viewing it as "weak" and "bad".

Ever since then I have been stuck in what I like to call the "ASPD stages of running". Theres different points in getting close to people (in any nature of a relationship), that'll send me running and feeling like I am "weak" for wanting it, or as if being close to people is the worst thing that could happen.

The stages (simply put) are:

1. Desiring/Daydreaming about my dream relationship

2. Looking at peoples relationships/Looking at people with the intent of getting closer to them

3. Talking to people (online or irl)

4. Getting closer / being friends with people

5. Being friends with people for longer

Optionally:

6. Getting so close that a romantic relationship may happen

7. The moment of getting in the relationship / the days after

8. Being in the relationship for a bit

At any of those stages, I'll very likely have one or multiple moments where my ASPD will try to get the better of me and will try to convince me to just run away, drop contact and never talk about it again. Even just admitting to this and talking about it is hard as fuck, because it is so deeply ingrained in my brain to see emotional intimacy as a weak and dangerous thing.

What this will look like exactly really depends on the person and situation, but things that have happened in the past were:

• blocking the person and everyone I am friends with and pretending I am no longer alive

• my brain fixating on their faults in order to give me a good reason to hate them so I don't get closer to them and can hold them at arms length

• responding less often/more dryly or ignoring messages entirely

• not replicating the energy of the conversation/relationship

• staging an incident so I ruin the relationship

• running at the first signs of a disagreement

• avoiding people when they are emotional

• feeling uncomfortable around people as a whole => isolating

• beating myself up about letting it happen again

• impulsively bumping the relationship to another stage, just to immediately regret it (in a "fuck that has consequences" way)

• shutting off all my emotions, dissociate or otherwise make sure to stop the feelings (or just lose them automatically)

To put it in a shorter and more simple way, I'll usually either get the fuck outta there, or make sure to change the relationship/my personal position in the relationship to a more comfortable and less vulnerable and intimate level. This may also just look like me shutting off, becoming distant, or seeming mad, when all I am is overwhelmed by the intimacy and grossed out that I actually need and desire that.

As you can possibly imagine, that is not the most useful thing, as it causes issues in relationships, cuts friendships short and makes dealing with people a lot harder!

The most frustrating thing about this for me though is, that even if the most perfect friend or partner came along and even if the relationship would work at first, I am very very likely to crash it against the wall, simply because my brain cannot handle having the things, that it needs and desires.

It desires a hug and runs from the one who offers it.

It needs help and bites the hand that does.

It needs love and gets grossed out by whoever offers it.

It wants attention and can't handle it when it gets it.

It wants gifts, but doesnt know what to do when it gets them.

Whatever it wants, it can't have, so it keeps wanting, keeps yearning, keeps desiring and has to watch itself be unable to accept any of it.

And if that sounds painful, thats because it is.

Its a vicious kind of pain when you have to watch yourself ruin yet another thing, because your brain can't handle it, while you scream at it in frustration to get its act together, because it also is everything you desperately need.

ASPD sucks when it comes to intimacy and it especially sucks when it comes to talking about it, or being honest about these problems. It developed to protect me from being too "weak" to deal with the trauma and now its practically preventing me from showing any "weakness" or seeking out what previously hurt me. Which wouldn't be this bad, if I didn't still have this kid in me that just wants to be loved and daydreams about all the things, the ASPD hates.

When your shell disagrees with your core and you're not strong enough yet to break your shell, what does that really leave you with, other than curling up into a spiky ball and letting the shell do its job? I know I still need the protection, but I wish it wasn't actively preventing me from learning to live without it.

First posted on my instagram (same @)

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Sixteen (18)

Day: Friday, April 12th / 13th* Time: 9:55 PM EST

Jeremy takes the loss well in his post-game interview and expresses no regrets for how things had turned out. He sidesteps every opportunity to call the Ravens out on their ugly playing style but perks up when attention is drawn to how close they'd been to a win. "We almost had it, right?" Jeremy says. "I don't think anyone was expecting us to get that close. It feels really different out there without Kevin and Jean on the line." "Worst time of year for someone to be injured," the reporter agrees. Tetsuji had announced earlier in the week that Jean was off the court with a bad sprain. "Rumor has it Jean won't make it back in time for finals." "Yeah, I spoke to Jean earlier this week. He's definitely done for the year, but he'll be back in the fall. He just won't be back in black." Jeremy flashes his toothy grin and doesn't wait to be asked to explain. "Yesterday he faxed us over the last of the paperwork we needed to make this thing official, so I'm allowed to tell you: he's transferring to USC for his senior year." "Let me make sure I heard you correctly," the reporter says. "Jean Moreau is leaving Edgar Allan for USC?" "We ordered his gear this morning," Jeremy says. "We'll have to get him some sun this summer, though! He's a little pale to pull off red and gold right now." He laughs like this news isn't going to cause an uproar with Edgar Allan's rabid fans. "Unfortunately his number was taken already, but Jean said we can reassign him to whatever's open. I'll let him tell you what his new one is going to be." "Can you tell us why he's transferring?" "I can't get into all the details because it's not my place to tell his personal business, but I can say we're excited to have him. I think we have a lot to learn from each other. Next year is going to be amazing. I think you're going to see a lot of changes across the board. We've all got to take another look at what we bring to the court."

Art used with permission by llstarcasterll. Thank you @llstarcasterll!

*Due to the Leap Year, I have opted to highlight the day rather than the date to keep the events in occurrence to the 2007 year. I will continue to mark both days accordingly.

[nyrasbloodyclover]

hypnotic (kai anderson x reader)

cw: breeding kink, eating disorder (it's really really bad), mommy issues, mentions of suicide, parental abuse, cults, kai is his own warning really, murder, overstimulation

a/n: if you're not into this pleaseeeee leaveeeeee i don't want tumblr to delete my blog again. also you can read this fic on ao3 if you'd like, link is in my pinned post. and if, by any chance, you relate to this i am so sorry.

What I wanted right now, was to get out of my house, go anywhere, just so I could stop listening to constant fighting and screaming from my parents. I couldn't bear it anymore. I had one year until college but it seemed impossible to survive that long. 

"Oh, look who locked herself in her room!" My mother bursted in and a pit started forming in my stomach. I didn't move. "When are you going to start being useful? You're in here all the time, you could start paying rent." 

Now, what was I supposed to say to that? If I told her that the reason I spent all my time in my room was because they wouldn't stop screaming at each other and I would just be their punching bag, she wouldn't listen and the situation would only get worse.

"Or maybe it's time for you to find a job. Now you're just living like a parasite." I stared. My mother was a very complex character. I think she would be capable of pulling Gone Girl on us. She has the mentality. Just saying.

My father on the other hand, he's weak. Or she made him weak. I don't remember the last time he stood up for himself. He's tired, I can see that clearly. I just wish they would get a divorce. It's so draining to wake up everyday and live in fear that your every move is going to be a mistake, something to criticize. 

I don't remember the last time I felt truly at peace, but I could afford myself distractions. That's how I ended up scrolling through Tumblr 12 hours per day and forgetting to eat because the skinny girls I came across were just so pretty. Food was my enemy. We couldn't stand each other. And the guilt simply because of eating was the worst feeling ever.

Empty is pretty. And I wanted to look pretty, so I starved. It was my sport. It still is. The joy of seeing my hipbones and ribs after some time was indescribable. I loved to lay awake at night and touch my bones, feel them as I tried to fall asleep. Of course, there were many times when I just couldn't take it anymore and I binged. I would regret it immediately and restrict even more.

"Alright. I'll find a job." I stared at her with empty eyes. I was dizzy, almost like I got drunk. She exited the room and slammed the doors behing her. I think I'm never going to fully understand her.

I stared at my ceiling, having no energy to move, even though I had unfinished assignments hanging above my head, screaming at me to do them, but I just wanted to sleep. School can wait. I think my red lipstick was smudged, but I had no energy to take it off. My hair was a mess, too. I tried to straighten it but my natural waves were too stubborn. I fell asleep.

A week passed. My life stayed the same except for my new job at the restaurant—The Butchery On Main.

The two sweet women who own it were kind enough to let me work even though they don't employ people under eighteen. I worked mostly after my school, until the closing. I didn't mind since I got to leave the house and get a break from my parents. 

People were nice, I took their orders, served their food. The restuarant was mostly empty during my shifts, but nonetheless it was almost hard, working with food. All those calories around me made me want to puke. And I wasn't much of a puker. I had the urge to binge. It was disgusting. But I wasn't going to throw all my work out of the window just like that. 

I had my diet coke and if I got hungry Ivy said that I could eat whatever I wanted, and I wanted cucumber. With pepper. They had those.

Today, I had much free time so I was just sitting at one of the tables and doing my homework while scrolling through Tumblr and eating freshly peeled cucumber with some seasoning on top. I was thriving. I was almost happy. It seemed impossible.

The door opened. A man walked in. He was dressed in black from head to toe and what stood out the most was his blue hair with grown out roots. He walked like he owned the building and everyone in it. I immediately stood up, while he was pulling out his chair, fixing my uniform. I let him read through the menu for a couple of seconds and then decided to approach.

"What would you like to order?" I smiled. I was nice. I am always nice. Why hasn't he looked at me yet? Why is he ignoring my presence? His head was bowed down until he raised it and I was met with black pools that stared at me, or rather through me. I felt dizzy and it wasn't the diet.

"Surprise me," he cocked his head, "I would love to see what you liberals like to eat the most. Maybe it'll make me change my political views."

"Al..right," I dragged on, "Is that all?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Everything will be done in a minute." I wanted to get away from him, as soon as possible. He was probably some Trump obsessed republican who's most likely to tell me to make him a sandwich. Which I am practically doing right now. But I couldn't deny it - He had a beautiful face. I wouldn't consider him that attractive if it weren't for his dead, piercing eyes that silently commanded you to obey every one of his rules. 

The food was ready. I had a feeling I would fall on my face next time I locked my eyes with his, which wasn't good. I didn't even know his name! Rachel, one of the cooks, handed me the best steak they had, house's special, "Who is it for?"

I didn't dare look at him. "The one with the blue hair. Just please don't stare. He's creeping me out."

Her eyes went wide, "That's Kai Anderson."

I looked at her blandly. The name didn't mean anything to me.

"You seriously need to watch more television."

"I'm fine, thanks. And if he's some menatlly deranged politician, then I'm not really missing out."

All the politics drained me, and don't get me wrong, I loved to be informed, but when I had to argue with someone about basic human rights, I'd rather not know anything.

I walked over to his table, and put the food on it. "I hope you're not vegan. Either way, enjoy your food." I kept my eyes everywhere, just not on him. He was so unsettling. I had to get away.

"I certainly will," he said and I walked away without a second glance. Jesus Christ, his mere presence was intense.

My shift ended in half an hour and that's when the restaurant was supposed to close. Ivy left early because of some family emergency, so she asked me to close and lock everything for her. I changed into my regular clothes—denim skirt and a white button down with my favorite black sweater, docs and a pair of knee socks. I untangled my hair and tried to brush it out with my fingers.

The tables were empty. Well, mostly. So-called Kai Anderson was still here, not even eating, just looking at some papers and flipping them over, for a while now.

I needed some extra balls to approach him and ask him to leave. Why did I accept to be the last one here? I could've been home by now, sleeping or watching a sitcom, but instead I'm stuck in this building with the strangest and the scariest man I've ever met. But then again, If I were home, my mother would be screaming at me. So I guess it's a win? Also I had to thank Kai for occupying my mind and not letting me think about food. I seriously needed to go to bed before I ended up eating something. Or worse- binging. I think I had less than 200 calories today which is a sign that I am slowly approaching danger zone. It isn't a diet anymore. I can't eat normally. I thought I could go back, but I guess my body won't let me. Or was it my mind?

"Miss?" Someone waved before my eyes.

"Yes? Sorry." Kai was standing beside the table that I occupied. 

"Are you closing soon?"

Should I lie? But then again, he isn't stupid. "Yes. Do you want to pay?"

"Oh no. I already did. I just wondered what occupied your mind that much." He had no idea.

"Nothing much. Just tired I guess. Can't seem to balance school and work."

"Ah. You see," he sat across me, "I don't believe you."

"Okay? I didn't try to be persuasive."

He smirked. Dear God, why was he so creepy but so hot at the same time?

"I still want to know what made you zone out for that long." Has he been staring at me the whole time?

"That's creepy. I don't even know you."

"What's that got to do with anything? I just asked you to tell me what's been botherung you. You looked fucking stressed."

"It really doesn't matter." I just wanted him to leave. 

"Wait. Here, I'll give you..." he reached into his  back pocket, "Fifty bucks if you tell me."

My lips curved. Come on, you can't blame me. Extra cash at my age isn't something you just don't accept.

"Ah! I knew it," he smiled, "Come on, doll, speak."

"It isn't anything interesting. My mom is just being a bitch, nothing unusual." I gave him the least I could and snatched the cash from his hand.

"She isn't letting you sleep over at your boyfriend's or something?" He laughed like I had the dumbest reason for not liking my mother.

"Not really. She just...Wants too much, I guess? And I'm not able to give her that." It felt weird saying that out loud. I think I never said it.

He stared at me for a second.

"I want to show you a trick." He put his right hand on the table. "Don't worry. It's something me and my older brother always used to do when we were little."

He reached with his pinky finger over to my hand. We locked fingers like we were making a pinky promise. 

"This is weird. And please hurry. My shift ends in fifteen minutes." 

"We have enough time. Okay, listen. Pinky power. Once the skin contact is made, no lies can be told and whatever we say, stays between us," he narrowed his black eyes, "Trust me, if you lie, I will know. Ready?"

When did I agree to this? Well, fuck it, I'll do it anyway.

"Do you love your family?" He asked, his expression serious.

"Yes." His mouth twitched.

"Do you like your family?"

"Absolutely not." I shook my head.

"Why is that?" 

How do I explain this to him without sounding like a total maniac? "My father is weak, he doesn't know how to stand up for himself. And my mother screams at me for merely existing. Her favorite hobby is emotionally draining me, then pulling my hair or slapping me because she feels like it. She regrets having me. I think she wants me to kill myself. It would be easier to have a dead daughter." My mind went blank. I felt nothing in that moment. Whatever he asked, I was going to tell him.

"Did you ever try to kill yourself?," he asked with a flat voice.

I thought for a second. Should I tell him the whole truth? He said he's going to know if I lie, but that doesn't mean...

"Don't think too much." His eyes went dark while I was literally choking under pressure of his gaze.

"No. I was never suicidal. I like living. But I..." words were stuck in my throat, "I...Sometimes, she would starve me. Saying I didn't deserve it. I had no money to buy something to eat. So I made a game out of it. I developed a disorder. It was the only thing I had some control over. I started it out of spite, but now it's real. It's worse than ever. But I don't want to stop."

His expression never changed. Not once. "Do you hate your mother for that?"

"You have no idea."

"I think I do have some idea about hating one of your parents. So, from experience, I need to ask you one more question."

I nodded. "Have you ever dreamt about killing her?"

I wanted to pull back from him, but his hand wouldn't let me. He pulled me even closer. "We can't break the contact," he gritted through his teeth.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," I exhaled, "Yes. And no."

"Elaborate." 

The restuarant was silent. I couldn't even hear the sound of cars outside. Lights were practically out. 

"I...I wanted her dead. But I don't think I would be able to do it. I had a," I inhaled, "A fantasy about someone killing her while I watched. It's so fucked up, but I just couldn't help it. It brought me relief that she was gone and someone cared enough to get rid of her for me." 

I was scared to look at him. He was going to call the mental ward and lock me there. I was fucked. Why did I tell him all of that? 

I looked up.

He was smiling. It wasn't a sympathetic smile, or a sad smile, or anything similar to that. He was grinning like a maniac. He released my hand and I realized my eyes were filled with tears. I blinked them away. 

He shook his head with closed eyes, "You're perfect. Perfect."

My voice was low, weak. "What? How could you think that after what I just told you?"

"Don't ask too many questions. I have a solution for you because I know you're destined for greater things. Tell me, do you wish to never be under your mother's thumb again?"

"I mean, yes? That's going to be when I turn eighteen, so I have to be patient."

He laughed. "Oh, no, baby, no. She's never going to let you go. She'll suffocate you until there is nothing left but a shell. No matter the age or what the law says, you'll always be controlled. While she's alive, at least."

"What are you saying?"

"Do you want my help? Do you wish to be finally free?"

This was so fucked up. I never met this man in my life. Why was he offering me help?

"What's in it for you?"

He cocked his head, "I get to keep you by my side."

My mouth was dry. I was scared, but...excited. Thrill rushed down my body as this psychopath was staring at me, offering me a sick escape. I was supposed to say no. I was supposed to save my soul.

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"I want your help."

He looked so happy, it made me happy.

"Good. Then, we're leaving now." I was hypnotized by him. I just nodded, not asking where or why, my mother taught me I shouldn't get in the cars with strangers, especially men, but my mother was also the reason for many of my problems. I'll do something that'll piss her off.

I got into Kai's car and shut the door. I was okay with the fact that he might end up killing me.

He said nothing for the most of the ride, but I noticed him glancing over at my skirt that rose up to my thighs. I didn't bother pulling it down. I mean, I wore mini skirts for a reason, right?

I pretended not to notice as I looked at my reflection in the closed window. Hollow cheeks, red lipstick, pale face. I was obsessed. I always wanted to look like a corpse with make up. My face was perfect, lipstick untouched, mascara a little smudged, dark circles under my eyes from sleepless nights. 

"You know you could eat a burger." I looked at him. I almost wanted to hug him. His words made me feel proud, like I achieved something big. And I guess I did.

"Really? Do you know that you're the first person ever to tell me that?" I felt weird happiness in my chest. 

"Well, yeah. Why do you look so surprised? I didn't mean it as a compliment. You have a problem. I'm not even sure it's supposed to be a compliment." He frowned, not taking his eyes off the road.

"It doesn't matter if it's supposed to be a compliment or not. Thank you for saying it." I didn't give two fucks if he thought I was some anorexic lunatic that needed years of therapy. I was happy. And he wasn't my parent or my guardian to tell me what to do.

"Just think about it. What's the point of being so skinny? It's not even attractive."

"The point is in being clean. I don't want to see a pound of fat on my body. It's disgusting. And I am to do with my body as I please. I don't give a fuck if someone likes to eat like a fucking pig because It's not my body, and certainly not my problem." I was so angry. Who the fuck he thought he was?

"Just saying. You look sick. And I mean really, really sick."

"I am aware. Like I'm also aware that I'm fucked in the head. And that's the reason for all of this," I gestured over my figure. 

I could feel his anger. He didn't like that I disagreed with him and stood up for myself, even if I was wrong.

"We're here." He suddenly said, getting out of the car. I followed him into the house I guessed was his. The whole neighborhood was silent. Lights were off everywhere. 

We got into his house and I didn't even got to see it clearly because he practically dragged me into his basement and started changing. He put on a black leather coat while looking for something. His phone? He called someone.

"I'm expecting you'll be here in five? Well don't try to make up excuses. This is a perfect opportunity. I don't care— No, drag yourself and your pathetic wife here." He called two more people and I just stood in the middle of the room staring at him. 

"What's your adress?" Was he really doing that now? "You know what, never mind. I found it." I wasn't going to ask him how. He looked like the person who instead of Instagram browsed dark web. 

"Okay, let's go. They're here." I had to ask him because he said nothing about it. I had to be sure.

"Why are we going to my house?"

Beat. A moment. "To kill your mother, of course."

There were other people with us, but I couldn't see their faces because of the creepy clown masks. Kai had one too. I felt like I was drugged. I didn't know what happened to me. I suppose I had enough. I know Kai is not the answer for my problems, at least not all of them. He's going to get rid of her and then what? No. Stop thinking. 

I listened to my brain this time. It was late. My parents were probably asleep. Probably in separate beds. It's going to be easier for Kai and the others to do the job. They kept their mouths shut and I didn't blame them. I still wasn't sure if I was part of this sick cult or whatever it was. I read enough about them to recognize a cult leader when I see one. 

The car suddenly stopped. We were in front of my house.

"This played out so good, little lamb. I knew you were perfect." Kai's voice was muffled under that mask and his words made my heart flutter. He was so sick. "Don't just stand there, baby. Be a good host. Invite us in. Come on," he gestured with one gloved hand towards my house. I felt everyone's eyes on me as I turned my back and started walking towards the door. What did he mean by this playing out good? Did he plan this before? It certainly did not matter.

We got in, doors creaking, but not enough to wake anyone up. My father was downstairs, in the guestroom, but my Satanic mother was in their bedroom. I went first, up the stairs, one by one, they followed me, Kai first, then the rest of them. 

I showed them the doors. 

Kai got in and they followed him. I shut the door behind me. I felt like I was seeing things through someone else's eyes. I didn't feel guilt and I wasn't regretting my decision. I remember everything through a coat of blur. Knives, a lot of them. They killed her in her sleep. Stabbed her too many times, I lost count. Sheets were soaked with red and the room started smelling like iron too. Kai used her blood to draw some sign on the wall that was facing the bed. It looked like a smiley face, but I wasn't sure. The job was done. I was free. I was free of any charges, since I wasn't home when it happened. I was going to sleep in my bed and wake up in the morning, shocked, petrified, screaming for help, calling the police, my father is going to be terrified too, but relieved. He would never admit it thought. 

We were in the car again. Then in front of Kai's house. "Leave. I want some time alone with our newest member."

"Kai, no. You can't drag her into this. She's just a child—" A feminine voice scorned him under her mask.

"Don't tell me what to do, Winter. Now leave," he raised his voice and I flinched. "We have much to talk about." He took off his mask and smiled knowingly at me. I wasn't scared of him anymore, though I knew I should be. He killed my mother for Christ's sake! 

We went into his basement again. The lights were already on and I watched him as he took off his mask and black coat. His shirt was soaked with my mother's blood. 

"What did you want to talk about?" I cocked my head.

"You were so good. I knew you could do it. Next time, maybe you'll even be the one holding the knife. You didn't even flinch!" He paced through the room and laughed, like he was talking to himself.

"You didn't do this for me, did you?"

He stopped, then looked at me, "I already told you. This played out perfectly. And I've been watching for quite some time now," his eyes darkened "When I found out that the woman who's been talking shit about me over her social media had a daughter, I had to see if she was as bitchy as her mother." Oh, so he did this to save his reputation. Of course.

"And," I swallowed, "Is she?"

He didn't answer me. Instead he marched to the other side of the room and pushed me against the wall, slamming his lips on mine. I was out of breath, not being able to process everything. Oh my god, he was kissing me! This insane, sick in the head, narcissistic, 30-something, psychopath was kissing me and I opened my mouth to him like the whore I was. I wanted him to touch me. No, I needed his blood stained hands on me right now. 

I pulled one of his hands and put it on my chest as his tongue continued to explore my mouth. He took off my sweater and shirt. I was left in a black bra and skirt.

"Aren't you scared of being arrested for fucking a minor?"

"I commited far more monstrous crimes than fucking a seventeen year old and you know it, " he breathed into my mouth. Red lipstick was smudged over his lips. His hand that was on my chest slipped under my skirt and found my panties. 

"You know it," his fingers entered me with ease, "And yet, you're still so fucking wet for me." My mouth fell open as he buried his fingers deeper if that was even possible. I wasn't a virgin, but then again, I've never been with a man. I took my own virginity so that I didn't have to bother. 

"Kai—" I breathed. I needed more.

He sat on one of the chairs beside the circular table and pulled me onto his lap, his thigh between my legs. My clit was aching for some king of friction so I started rubbing myself against the rough fabric of his jeans. 

"Aren't you desperate?" He pushed me on the floor, between his legs, he pulled out his belt and unzipped his pants. His intentions were clear and I was happy to oblige, but I had to touch myself or I'd go insane. I started stroking his already hard dick and rubbing my clit at the same time. 

He noticed. And he wasn't happy about it. "I thought you were going to be patient. But I guess not." He took his belt and with one move he tied my hands behind my back while I was still kneeling in front of him.

"Please, I just need to—"

"Yes, yes, I know, but you have to deserve it. Am I right?"

I nodded hesitantly and he scooped up my hair in his fist and used it to pull my head down. I took him into my mouth as the wetness and ache grew between my legs. 

Kai continued to pull my head down until his tip hit the back of my throat and I gagged. He chuckled.

My eyes teared up as I sucked his dick like my life depended on it.

He grunted and raised his hips, so I knew he was close. And I knew he was going to either come in my mouth or...

He pulled out and finished on my tits, painting my chest with his cum. 

"You were so good," he said with his head tilted back and eyes closed. He let my hair fall down my back and over my face. Kai dressed and got up, then pulled me with him, still tied.

He slammed me on the desk and I was able to just lay there and let him do whatever he wanted to me. Not that I minded.

"I feel like I'm going to break you," he said as he traced my very visible ribs with the tips of his fingers. "Break every bone in your body." 

I could feel my stomach sinking in and his words made me even a bigger mess than I already was. "Do it, please, please," I cried out as my hips rose towards him. 

"Since you asked so nicely...And the skirt stays on. Do you know how much willpower it took me not to bury my hand under your skirt and make you beg for more while we were driving?" He pulled my skirt up and didn't even bother to take off the panties, he just ripped them. He towered over me as I layed on his table, feeling the cool air on my swollen clit. 

Kai's fingers went over my aching pussy and my back arched towards his touch. He did nothing for a split second and then came the first slap. I yelped as the burning spread between my legs, but I didn't tell him to stop. He slapped me even harder and I cried out, most ungodly sounds coming from my mouth.

"Don't worry, you can scream as loud as you'd like."

He slapped my dripping cunt once more and after that I was sure I was going to feel his hands on me days after. He didn't wait for me to recover from his brutality, instead he buried two fingers inside me and started scissoring, wanting to spread me even wider. I threw my head back as he added one more. He buried them knuckle deep inside me and began curling them.

"I feel like you're a big girl. You can take one more." He didn't wait for my agreement. His four fingers were inside, making my pussy burn with pleasure. I wasn't able to form words. He spat on me and started massaging my clit while almost his whole hand was thrusting in and out of me. I felt pressure deep in my lower stomach and started panting and moaning for him to continue, but he did exactly the opposite. 

My cunt was left empty without his fingers and I could almost cry. I just needed a bit more.

"Don't look so upset. I'm not finished with you." 

Kai untied me and took his belt. He spread my legs as wide as he could and started spanking my pussy with it. I screamed more in pain than surprise, "Kai, no, stop, please stop-"

The pain was unbearable, but it was just enough  for my clit to start pulsing more and that pressure in my belly to grow. I screamed in pain as he continued to hit me with no mercy. I could feel my walls clenching and my back arched as I came undone. Orgasm hit me and I came down from my high, but Kai didn't stop. 

He started rubbing my abused cunt, overstimulating it. He was deaf to my begging and crying. It was too much. There was no pleasure anymore, just pure pain, but he continued to massage it and after a couple of minutes I was shaking with another orgasm. I knew I was too sensitive, but when I tried to close my legs, he stopped me. Then I noticed his rock hard dick under his jeans and my heart dropped. I was going to pass out. He was going to use me, not caring for my pleasure anymore.

"Just hold still a little more, doll." He pulled his dick out and slammed himself inside me, making my eyes roll to the back of my head. Everything hurt, but he didn't care. His thrusts were fast and rough, I couldn't keep up. I could feel his orgasm building and he had no intention of pulling out. Kai continued to slam into me until he reached his peak. He filled me with his seed and when he finally pulled out I could feel it dripping from my pussy.

Kai helped me get up and as he was untying his belt, his hot breath was on my neck. "Welcome to the cult, baby."

[mysticstarlightduck]

Character Aesthetic Deep Dive Tag!

I created this tag in this post, and I want to do it again for another Scrapyard Boys OC of mine so here we go!

Rules: Make a moodboard with your character's aesthetic, a playlist that fits their vibe, "badly summarize them" (like, talk about their personality, but funnily), etc. It absolutely does not need to be super detailed!!!!!

✦ Character Aesthetic: Maxwell Cymbelline, WIP -Scrapyard Boys

♡ Moodboard ♡

♡ Playlist ♡

Not All Heroes Wear Capes - Owl City

He doesn't fight crime Or wear a cape He doesn't read minds Or levitate But every time my world needs saving He's my Superman Some folks don't believe in heroes 'Cause they haven't met my dad He loves his workshop And rock 'n roll He's got a hot rod And a heart of gold And you could say he's a man of few words But he talks a lot within And even though I'm a little taller I still look up to him

Could Have Been Me - The Struts

Don't wanna live as an untold story Rather go out in a blaze of glory I can't hear you, I don't fear you I'll live now 'cause the bad die last Dodging bullets with your broken past Well, I can't hear you, I don't fear you now Wrapped in your regret What a waste of blood and sweat Oh oh-oh I wanna taste love and pain Wanna feel pride and shame I don't wanna take my time Don't wanna waste one line I wanna live better days Never look back and say It could have been me It could have been me, yeah

Burn The House Down - AJR

Used to keep it cool Used to be a fool All about the bounce in my step Watch it on the news Whatcha gonna do? I could hit refresh and forget Used to keep it cool Should I keep it light? Stay out of the fight? No one's gonna listen to me If I write a song Preaching what is wrong Will they let me sing on TV? Should I keep it light? Is that right? Way up way up we go Been up and down that road Way up way up, oh no We gon' burn the whole house down

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - Taylor Swift

'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did Lights, camera, bitch smile, even when you wanna die He said he'd love me all his life But that life was too short Breaking down, I hit the floor All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting, "More" I was grinning like I'm winning, I was hitting my marks 'Cause I can do it with a broken heart (one, two, three, four) I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday every day I'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague I cry a lot but I am so productive, it's an art You know you're good when you can even do it With a broken heart

Gone, Gone, Gone - Phillip Phillips

When life leaves you high and dry I'll be at your door tonight If you need help, if you need help I'll shut down the city lights I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe To make you well, to make you well When enemies are at your door I'll carry you way from war If you need help, if you need help Your hope dangling by a string I'll share in your suffering To make you well, to make you well Give me reasons to believe That you would do the same for me And I would do it for you, for you Baby, I'm not moving on I'll love you long after you're gone For you, for you You will never sleep alone I'll love you long after you're gone And long after you're gone, gone, gone

♡ Badly Summarized OC ♡

Seemingly delicate, polite teenager who loves vintage stuff but can actually pack a punch and is not afraid of a fight - in fact... she rather likes a good bit of chaos

Certified Daddy's Little Girl

That one friend that strangers think is the "Responsible One" but is actually a main Source Of Chaos in the friend group

Feral gremlin of a girl and unashamed, will watch the goriest and intense horror movies while having a girl's night with her friends and painting her nails different colors

Enabler of Bad Decisions who never thinks things through and then gets like "well, went horrifyingly out of control.... LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

Worst driver in the history of drivers but is trying her best <3

Human embodiment of both an orange cat and a hyperactive border collie in one body

Would practically collect stray puppies and kittens like Pokémons if her current doggo wasn't jealous of every other animal in the world

Likes cereal without the milk. This has nothing to do with anything, but I think its a relevant fact of her personality lol

Tagging (gently): @kaylinalexanderbooks, @smol-feralgremlin, @oh-no-another-idea, @littleladymab,

@winterandwords, @eccaiia, @sarahlizziewrites, @illarian-rambling

@agirlandherquill, @anoelleart, @ray-writes-n-shit

@the-golden-comet, @writernopal, @anyablackwood, @unstablewifiaccess, @forthesanityofstorytellers

@thecomfywriter

@topazadine, @thepeculiarbird, @clairelsonao3, @memento-morri-writes

and OPEN TAG

Taglist for Scrapyard Boys below the cut 🧪

Scrapyard Boys Taglist (-/+): @ray-writes-n-shit, @sarandipitywrites, @lassiesandiego, @smol-feralgremlin, @kaylinalexanderbooks,

@diabolical-blue @oh-no-another-idea

@cakeinthevoid, @clairelsonao3, @sleepy-night-child

@thepeculiarbird

@the-golden-comet, @urnumber1star, @ominous-feychild, @anyablackwood, @amaiguri, @lyutenw @finickyfelix

@thecomfywriter, @the-letterbox-archives, @differentnighttale

@wyked-ao3

Let me know if you'd like to be added!

[linkspooky]

Hey. Long time follower here. Your metas, your discussions of "bad victims", your nuanced view of heroes and victims, your favoritism towards "losers"...not only did you heavily influence my own writing and my own favorites in different medias (I'm entirely blaming you for me being a Makima stan) but you helped through an extremely dark time in my life. I don't think that you just made me a better writer, you also sort of saved my life. I'll always be grateful for that.

There's something I want to ask. You answered to another ask that you don't regret reading MHA because focusing on what doesn't work about it made your writing stronger. Do you feel the same about Homestuck? Or about the more disappointing parts of Tokyo Ghoul (and, while we're being candid here, Avatar?).

Thank you for your compliments they're very encouraging to read.

At this point this blog is becoming the bad victim lovers support group where we all hug each other and cry over how MHA is treating all of its bad victims.

HOMESTUCK: Honestly, my main problem with Homestuck is that ACT 6 was so long and uneventful full of characters not doing anything that by the end of it the only character I was invested in was Vriska. ACT 6 also did go out of it's way to kill my enthusiasm for everything I liked in ACT 5, especially John Vriska. I've never seen a comic throw out all of its previous development that the audience was invested in and like everything that was foreshadowed - oh wait My Hero Academia. Unfortunately Vriska is an all-time-fave so I still write Homestuck Fanfic about her to this day. I used to like think the finale of Homestuck was one big "meh" but after years to reflect upon it, I do like Vriska's arc ending on a final note of Terezi searching for her in the void, possibly forever, and the ambiguity of whether they'll reunite.

TOKYO GHOUL: I remember being mad about Kaneki getting a happy ending that he didn't earn. Kaneki was a character that really frustrated me for a long time, but I came to realize that if you like remove Kaneki from his group of codependent enablers he's actually a really interesting character when he's alone. So he's a character I love to explore in fic, even if I disliked what they did with him in canon. Also, Tokyo Ghoul killed off its biggest victims Furuta and Rize in a really cruel way, but it didn't kill off every single victim so it just disappoints me instead of making me sick to my stomach like MHA does.

ATLA: I actually think the Avatar the Last Airbender ending is fine. Which like, isn't saying much because I think the Season 1 finale and Season 2 finales are some of the best things ever put to television. The worst sin that the ending does is number one lack of foreshadowing in earlier in the season and number two rushed plot points. Aang not wanting to kill the Fire Lord makes sense. I think the reason a lot of people criticize this and call it an ass pull is that it's not even BROUGHT UP until the finale. Vash the Stampede is pacifist and one of my favorite characters, but it's established from episode 1 that Vash is constantly up against people who want to kill him and he either has to run away or find a way to fight back nonlethally. Azula's insanity and mental instability could have been a thing, but it's not foreshadowed at all so all it ends up doing is conveniently nerf Azula for Zuko, and also being ableist. The worst problem is while there are epic fights it doesn't feel like an ending, because everyone's character arcs are 3/4ths of the way through. ESPECIALLY ZUKO's. Like people say Zuko is acting out of character in the comics, but I think Zuko is the only person in character in the comics because that's how Zuko without a proper end to his character arc would act. It really feels like they had plans for a fourth season that they didn't get, and their solution was to cram an entire season worth of development in everything post the eclipse on season 3. The fact that Azula is left as such a hanging thread is like proof of that, and the fact that Azula's last shot in the series is just her crying and screaming with like no follow up afterwards is something I've been bitter about for fourteen years.

I could write an entire post about how Zuko's redemption arc is unfinished though. It's like the same problem as Catra. I like both characters and I'm glad they got redeemed but they crammed in the entire redemption arc into 1/2 of the last season and that simply wasn't enough time.

[fellow-travelers-fic-recs]

Fellow Travelers Fic Recs | Featured WIPs: May/June

Active WIPs with an updated chapter posted in the past two months. Most recent works posted on top. Featuring a Jackson and Tim reunion, not one but two afterlife AU's, a pizza delivery driver AU, some more of everyone's favorite fake dating Disaster, Fire Island, another hospital conversation and even more time travel. Take your pick... There's something for everyone!

Happy reading!

✨ Be sure to show the authors some love and appreciation with kudos and comments on the fics you enjoyed!

right or wrong i can't get along without you by @promise-you-wont-write | masterwords [NR, 3K] Jackson Fuller disappears and everyone fears the worst - until he turns up in San Francisco asking Tim for help.

Almost Paradise by @likerealpeopledo-on-ao3 | Likerealpeopledo [T, 8K] In 1992, Hawk dies and goes...somewhere.

Equal parts apology tour, long-awaited reunions, and reluctant spiritual exploration, Hawk takes a journey through the afterlife and back to Tim.

A Disaster, Beyond Measure by drabbleswabbles💠 [NR, 50K] Hawkins Fuller is a campaign manager with a PR disaster on his hands. The solution involves pretending to date none other than Timothy Laughlin.

Featuring: unrealistic portrayals of the life and job of a campaign manager for the sake of the fake dating trope.

Added Delivery Fees by spiffyyy💠 [E, 12K] Hawk stared at him. Thick black glasses that he adjusted as he turned with a serviced half grin. A goofy red ball cap hat that covered straight brown hair cut in a neat trim. He was cute: in an endearing, somewhat dorky way.

The man laughed. “I was a little worried I was at the wrong place.” He turned back and shuffled over as he unzipped the thermal bag. “This is like some government office, right?” “Senate affairs,” Hawk evenly supplied. Or, Hawk falls hard for a pizza delivery worker despite his best attempts not to.

Within The Heart of Me by drabbleswabbles💠 [NR, 14K] Lucy goes to the hospital to talk to Tim. When she arrives, Hawk is already there.

Otherwise known as a prompt fill that wanders a bit off the mark, but is close enough in spirit to give credit where credit is due as far as inspiration goes.

I Have You by @beyondxmeasure | Cyantific [NR, 3K] After receiving a cryptic postcard, and hearing from Lucy that Hawk's in trouble, Tim takes a trip back east to find out for himself.

A different version of the events that unfold in Fire Island, told from Tim's perspective.

Part 3 of FT Talk Hub Sunday Drabbles & Snippets

just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end by @startagainbuttercup | startagainbuttercup [T, 1K] One day Hawk spots a new handsome teacher. It's a bad idea to lust after your colleague, but Hawk is only a man.

Sands of Time (Turn Backwards) by @brouill3r | brouiller [NR, 30K] 1987 Hawkins Fuller is full of regrets for the life he's lived, though Tim once told him he regrets nothing. Hawk so wishes he could say the same.

In the still night air of a hotel room, clutching a cracked paperweight to his chest like it's carved of the finest gold, Hawk gets his wish.

Or, a time-travel fix-it fic that nobody asked for.

look homeward, angel by @earth-3490s | earth3490s [NR, 1K] Hawkins Fuller died on a rainy Sunday in 2001, at a DC hospital with his daughter holding his hand.

AU based on The Five People You Meet in Heaven.

💠Authors: if your tumblr (or other socials) isn’t linked, and you'd like it to be, let me know and I'll be happy to add it! Or, if you’re linked already and would prefer not to be, please contact me to remove it.

[im-in-your-twitchchat]

i just wanna rant about the smp rq

i saw on a post by @give-grian-rights about their feelings for the dsmp video Tommy made, so I was kinda inspired to make this-

Story Time~ 💫

i joined the fandom after it ended. i know, i know, sorry guys, but it's true. I hated the dsmp. I thought it was dumb. I thought it was just another cringey thing online.

then again, I wasn't online that much in COVID. I have strict parents, so I basically spent all my time watching Ihascupquake in secret (yeah that's kinda goofy to look back on lmfao), but that was it. I didn't care, or know about the dsmp.

but then, in 2021-22, my best friend at the time, they loved it. and tried getting me into it. they would constantly text me when someone was streaming and how excited they were.

they would come to school with dsmp merch, and one day they even asked me to draw cc!ranboo. I was happy for them and I tried liking it, but it wasn't the same. I helped comfort them the day techno died (o7), I listened to them ramble about Karl's stream the night before, but I didn't get into it.

In 2023, after it ended, they began slowly drifting away from the fandom, and we slowly drifted away as friends. I joined a new friend group with my boyfriend at the time, and they started talking to some people the year above us.

we aren't friends anymore, but,

in 2023, that Halloween, I went trick or treating, and saw their older friends cosplaying as Techno, Sapnap(?), and Phil(?) (I think, all I know is that Techno was there).

I said their cosplays were great, cause I knew who they were.

which isn't really a lot to care about, but it was a little trailer for what was to come.

then a bunch of shit went down, and I broke up with my boyfriend and wasn't truly friends with anyone.

until, one night, I was watching YouTube on Spotify one night (strict parents 🔥), and there was no more Ryan Trahan to watch.

so, i clicked on a MrBeast video.

"$1 vs $100,000,000 House!"

and I found Karl.

so I continued watching MrBeast, before deciding to search up who Karl on Spotify to see what other videos he did.

and what I found?

his symbol. the little swirly thing.

and my life literally flashed before my eyes.

I remembered the symbol from my old friends sweater.

and I panicked. why? Idk, I overreacted.

I tried fighting the urge to get into the DSMP, but, I failed.

and I watched Quackity's video called:

"I Read The Worst Fanfictions With GeorgeNotFound"

I didn't know about the george drama at the time but,,

I just continued watching.

and I thank the dream smp.

after I got into the actual lore and stuff (thanks EvanMCGaming) I realized that it kinda saved me?

I know so many other people have had similar experiences with being saved by this wonderful creation.

but I have 1 regret

I regret I didn't get into it sooner. being able to watch a DSMP stream, or to talk to the fandom in real life.

looking back on my old friend,

I'm sorry for being too late.

but I am still glad I found the dsmp,, probably something I'll never let go :)

[sukifoof]

I was thinking about Asriel as the Royal Scientist, and I remember in one post you said in the tags, how you considered drawing him as one for your Asriel survives AU, before saying you can't imagine him holding down any job without freaking out

Now, I'm not asking you to draw him anyway, I'll be fine either way. It is just important context cuz that's what gave me my personal thoughts right now about him, and I wanted to spread them because I think they're optimistic in the end, if cliché and generic (warning, I'm really bad at sympathizing with other people, so I might be just, completely wrong about what I say next)

I have little doubt Asriel would be very lost at first about what he is going to do with his life now that The Barrier is gone. Typical confusion after exiting a time loop, compounded by the years of untouched trauma and other mental health issues. Maybe spiralling further as he may consider himself a burden for all those problems he can't handle on his own

He would try resuming being The Prince, go back to what he thinks people want of him, but it's not going to work, he distrusts himself too much after everything he has done. When he inevitably fails, he hits a new low. But eventually, perhaps with Frisk's encouragement, he finds it in himself to open up about it, talk to other people, seek help

Alphys, who in a very real sense is his creator (slightly more metaphorical in this AU, but she's still the one who woke him up from his coma), and one of the few people who know how he works, might be one of the first people that Asriel speaks to about his problems, feeling that she'd understand. They talk to each other about the regrets that they have, bonding over similar troubles, and maybe shared interests (bonding as friends. Alphys is faithful to her wife, and Asriel is on the aspec, so it doesn't go further)

At some point one of them might just naturally suggest that Asriel help out around the lab, and while he's helping, and they're talking with each other, Alphys realizes just how much knowledge about all sorts of things Asriel has, and one day she offers that he become a full-time assistant at her lab. This freaks him out, and in the moment he rejects it and runs away, which both of them later despair over, in a sense of "oh god I was to hard on him/her, now I destroyed our friendship, I'm the worst, I can't do anything right"

But eventually they talk to each other about it (encouraged by their friends) and they realize that neither is harboring any resentment towards the other, and they make amends. Asriel starts out working with her part-time, and while it's initially very scary for him, and he probably has several other freakouts along the way, I think Alphys, being prone to freakouts herself, would be more than understanding. Eventually he becomes her full-time assistant after all

Hopefully combined with therapy which he really, really should receive, he eventually starts feeling good about himself again, even if it takes years to get there. And he realizes, yes, this is the job he wants to do. He can help people without actually having to be there, with a much more manageable amount of responsibility to handle. He's finally happy, as the Assistant Royal* Scientist (* although at this point it is possible that Asgore and Toriel would abdicate, seeing as their son won't take over from them, it might just be easier to end the monarchist government right then and there)

Of course, while Asriel is immortal, Alphys is not, and as the decades pass, she will get older, weaker, less able to do her job. The day when she resigns from her post to let the (physically) younger Asriel become the next Royal Scientist will be a difficult one for both of them, and even more so when she finally turns to dust, although I hope that by this point he would be better equipped to handle the loss of those close to him. It will still hurt, but I hope with new experiences and skills he's learned over the years, he'll be able to deal with that pain, or the pain when his parents or his other friends die, better than he did with the pain of Chara's death

Frankly, not being seen as royalty anymore, especially by the younger generations who won't remember monarchist rule, he might find life easier as he's no longer so isolated as he was as a prince, no longer has to reach the same standards as before

The trauma, and other pain that follows, they will never fully leave him, but he's got a quite literal eternity to learn how to live with them and not let them control his life. And if mortals can do it, then I think he too can, over the course of several years, or even decades, figure it out. I think, as fucked up as he is, at the end of this nightmare road there is happiness waiting for him, however long it takes him to get there. I just want him to be happy goddammit. And I think that a 30-or-40-something Asriel will be happy

Thanks you for listening to my TED talk, and have a magical day

HI IVE BEEN MEANING TO ANSWER THIS FOR SO LONG CUZ ITS SO GOOD AND IN CHARACTER!!! u are so right for this i LOVE this i dont have much to add on cuz ur points are all so good. asriel has so many issues and i think he would probably feel a Bit Better if he was able to put his knowledge to use to help people and it might help him come to terms with death a little better..... anyway they are siblings and they occasionally bother each other. extremely kind mayor who took over after papyrus and local freak scientist who is seemingly some kind of sludge <3 i may draw more of this when i get the chance cuz the idea of these middle aged freaks is so funny to me i love them dearly

[yukii0nna]

Vivian for this? I don't remember if you did her or not 😅

Vivian Shiguya

"Humans are quite the enigma. One day they'll be the worst scum, the next they can be total saints. I love that about them."

"Adrien dear, it's nice to see you again. Oh look how you've grown"

"Yuga, I would like to remind you of who you're talking too. Overwise, you may end up like your father"

"Oh how dreadful, don't worry. I'll soon fix this post haste"

"Gabriel, I know you want to parade as a better man in your mind but you may need to go farther to get back dear Emilie"

"Lila ,my little butterfly, we all make mistakes. The important thing is we don't repeat them. "

" I am well aware of godhood. After all, I did study you, so I am also aware of your restrictions"

"It's funny how you think I am a naive fool"

"Still upset about all those things? You really are like your father. So soft"

"I don't regret my marriage but there's a reason why I don't use my stepsons. Well most of the time"

"So those children think they can defeat me? Might be time to show them who they're really dealing with now."

"James activate project Myth Breaker"

"Pro heroes, such annoying insects. Though it might be the reminder of other pests"

"So you want to fight me head on. How unfair, for you....."

"Good luck Earth, you may need it"

@punkeropercyjackson @zexal-club @bakawitch @kousaka-ayumu @insomniac-jay @fair-night-starry-tears @theautisticcentre @queen-of-twisted

[adozentothedawn]

Six-song soundtrack

Rules: If you're tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following:

An event that defines your character's past

How your character sees themselves

How others view them

Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

A major fight scene

End credits song

Tagged by @solas-backpack-mug (and others but I never got around to it and now I forgot, sorry :( ), thanks!

Favaen (with Emblyn making a guest appearance)

So this was hard, on the one hand because I didn't really have anything on hand and on the other because when I went looking I suddenly had a bunch for the same point.

The Shore - Basia Bulat

Dakara Hitori Ja Nai - Christina Vee (Little Glee Monster)

Rise and Fall - Black Water County

We'll Meet Again - Laura Brehm and TheFatRat

Burn It Down - Vixy and Tony

Like The Dawn - The Oh Hellos

Throwing a tag towards @adraveins and @stylishanachronism for some good music recs. 👀

An event that defines their past

(This was so hard to limit, holy shit)

The Shore - Basia Bulat

There is no one who will take me by that shore Close to the smoke, far from the fires of your harbour But if I am awake this time I'll know All over your eyes, a storm is rolling over, rolling over

Emblyn, dearly regretting her decisions.

Oh you can take away the divine my dear And comb your hair And I won't mind at all Even when the thought's behind I came just to remind you I love you so

And while she does regret a lot, this one thing she clings onto.

How they see themselves

Dakara Hitori Ja Nai - Christina Vee

(an english cover translation)

Once I hated everything Sadness seemed my destiny Couldn't see the beauty all around me (If only) my future spans in front of me A crossroad branching endlessly The road is paved, the course is set I'll grab my dreams, the time is now

Favaen used to have severe emotional management problems and had no idea what to do with herself, a problem she eventually worked out with the help of her mentor and mother figure.

But those empty words are not a plan Lucky stars don't care So don't rely on counting them I'm thinking way too hard about my past I gotta push myself, I'm facing my worst fear, oh Don't care if I'm crying (I'm crying) I'm flying (I'm flying), I made my mind up Trust me, I will keep trying I'm stronger than I know (I'm stronger now) Don't care if I'm lonely (I'm lonely) It's only (It's only) the end of the old me It's time to let her go Say goodbye! (Say goodbye, say goodbye!) Love never lies

She is inherently optimistic because she made the decision and effort to be. Despite her past (both personal and Emblyn's) still on weigh on her, she does her best to move and make the future a better one.

How others view them

Rise and Fall - Black Water County

Listen here, tell me dear What have you now got to fear? Took you long to realise Take it one day at a time verse You've been wasting the minutes In the hours of your days Look around and you'll find That it's just another way

But there's something on my mind That I need to leave behind So tear the page, hit erase 'Til the day you hear me call Make a promise that you'll be The best to rise and fall

Favaen makes herself a turning point for the people around her. An opportunity to do better, to move on, to be someone you's rather be. Be that for Edér who ties himself to her in turn with such a force he literally sails across the ocean on the vague hope it might save her, or for some random bandit who gets to make the choice to leave, live another day, and never see her again.

Their closest relationship

We'll Meet Again - Laura Brehm and TheFatRat

This one had a lot of options, both in relationship and song (Edér being a good contender for example) but I realised I already had this one saved and it's too good not to take so Eothas it is. This is probably pretty self explanatory.

Suddenly you're nowhere to be found I turn around and everything has changed Looking for a way to work it out I'm trying to find some peace to navigate Everything we wanted turned to gold (Turned to gold) The path we chose, the future on our side Never thought I'd do this on my own (On my own) But now I wield the sword you left behind Dark for the sunrise Clouds for a blue sky Space for the travelling star Strong from the inside You're still my life-line I feel you wherever you are The oak tree where I met you And the writing on the statue I still remember every word you said I'm not a soldier, but I'm fighting Can you hear me through the silence? I won't give up 'cause there will be a day We'll meet again

Fight Scene

Burn It Down - Vixy and Tony

This was kinda hard for different reasons. I eventually landed on this one because it fits her as a character and is energetic and inspirational. Some expamples:

The legend of the firebird Is one of transformation If you dare to take the journey And you give the wolf his due Let the flame inspire For you are your own creation Throw your fear upon the pyre And let it rise as something new

So you think you don't burn bright enough? I tell you it's not true Burn it down, burn it down, burn it down Throw your fear upon the fire and burn it down Throw your voice out to the wind Feel the heat upon your skin As you hunger, so begin Burn it down

End Credits

Like The Dawn - The Oh Hellos

(The Oh Hellos are such a treasure trove for this)

I was sleeping in the garden when I saw you first He'd put me deep, deep under so that he could work And like the dawn you broke the dark and my whole earth shook I was sleeping in the garden when I saw you At last, at last Bones of my bones and flesh of my flesh, at last

Imagry of how Eothas kept Emblyn's soul with him repaired it over time and how she was eventually reborn as Favaen with pieces of him holding her together, making them essential soul twins.

You were the brightest shade of sun I had ever seen Your skin was gilded with the gold of the richest kings And like the dawn you woke the world inside of me You were the brightest shade of sun when I saw you

Being a form of soul twins it made Favaen absolutely miserable to be apart from him (something he didn't consider at all as a possibility cause he is in fact, not very smart) and eventually officially joining the clergy was an incredible relief for her.

[nishloves]

screentime; kwon soonyoung

hoshi (svt) x f!reader // angst oneshot based on "screentime" words : 1.1k approx. // unedited. losing you, was probably his worst mistake.

"do you have any regrets? I'm just so-so."

the black coffee didn't erase his dark-circles, the aroma of coffee which he oh so utterly despised making him grimace as he still gulped the bitter liquid down his throat, leaving a sullen taste in his mouth. how did you drink this?

and now, he was back at it again.

wonderings of your days, wandering around your favorite cafe, thinking back on how you must be working hard for your work, how there would be no one to ask you to take a break, to bring you your favorite food.

do you think about him too? are you tormenting yourself with his thoughts too?

his heart ached, should he call you? are you okay? can he even call you? is he still allowed to keep your number?

"no wonder I can't get any work done, both of my hands are occupied holding onto us. I keep forgetting there is no us until night returns and I give myself up to slumber."

"soonyoung?"

is work going well?

"hoshi?"

are you taking care of yourself?

"kwon soonyoung!?"

he gasped as he turned around to look at seungkwan who stared at him, "kwan-ah, i'm sorry."

"you can't be zoning out like this, kwon soonyoung! we are working on choreography afterall, you didn't even notice mingyu skipping a step!"

he sighed, pulling his beanie closer to his eyes, "i'm just- sorry."

seungkwan stared at his friend for a while, "do you need a break?"

"no- i was just lost in my own thoughts."

"are you alright?"

his breath halted for a moment as he looked down at his feet, was he alright?- no but, were you fine? are you broken like him?

"... yeah." were you lying too?

"why did you break up when you loved her?"

"I had to- I'm fine, don't worry about me, I'll be okay, I'm living my life too." like she is too.

just please, don't cry. don't cry when you think of him, he wished.

"but you're living as if nothing happened, you're colder than I thought. from your words and happy photographs it's clear that my worries were in vain. I'm actually relieved I was sorry that I'm getting better."

"stop checking your phone, hoshi!" seokmin pulled at his friend's hand as hoshi looked at him mindlessly.

"what are you even looking at?"

your pictures- your posts, the small story section you had created for him was now archived- or deleted, he hoped not. you still hadn't removed him from your private instagram.

a small smile travelled up on his face as he looked at seokmin again, "nothing, i am just happy."

was he?

his limbs moved along with the beats of the song, his hair swaying along with his harsh movements, his dance was sharper today, but his body was weaker. he couldn't keep up with the beats- he wasn't able to keep up with himself.

"soonyoung! take it easy," the choreographer called out.

"yeah, i will. sorry."

"isn't he apologising an awful lot today?"

he wanted to apologise to you- get on his knees and say sorry for anytime he had made you hurt. apologise to break things off so abruptly.

"i thought you didn't love her anymore?" vernon asked, pressing a heat pad on soonyoung's shoulder as he reclined deeper into the couch, a black coffee still pressed in his hand.

"i thought i didn't."

"do you need to talk?"

"can you apologise to her?" he smiled, a single tear escaping from his eyes as vernon wiped the tear away hastily.

"do you think- she'll forgive me?"

"I'm really sorry for the time you spent with me, the days fade into the distant horizon and your memories rise and fall, it's late but— I'm sorry."

"oh- soonyoung?" you voice was still as kind as ever.

"____" his voice was deeper as he looked at you, there were no bags under your eyes- maybe you had put on makeup, or maybe you just weren't hopeless as he was; he hoped it was the latter.

"nice seeing you here," you smiled at him as you looked at the barista, ordering a black espresso for yourself and, "a vanilla latte with caramel, please?"

you still remembered his order.

"you remember?" he asked, not daring to defy your recollection- not daring to tell you about the fact that he drinks his coffee black now, he took a sip- it was too sweet, he didn't deserve something this sweet, maybe that's why he felt it to be sour.

"how am i supposed to forget?" you smiled at him as you pointed towards a table. his body moving forward by itself to pull a chair out for you, instincts- he cursed.

"your birthday, your order, your favorite food- they all were a big part of my life, how can i just forget them?"

and the fact that you can admit it meant that you had moved on.

shit- he wants to hug you again, he wants to call you his again.

he could only smile back at you; suddenly, he didn't want you to see his miser state, his dark and red eyes under his sunglasses, he didn't want you to acknowledge his sunken cheeks, the same cherry cheeks you had loved were now withered, maybe because you weren't there to make them smile again.

"that's right."

"how have you been?" you asked, "it's been so long, hasn't it? oh my- are you even free right now?"

"I wonder what you're eating, drinking these days and finding happiness in I wonder what you're wearing today, and where you are headed I wonder who makes you laugh and holds you instead of me. I'm just curious, I'm just sorry This is how I've been."

"I've been- good. yes, good and i'm free." always free for you, i am sorry i wasn't.

"that's nice to know, soonyoung."

he wasn't your youngie anymore- and it was his fault, his alone.

"i think i've been addicted to phone these days," he admitted abashedly as you giggled, there was someone else on your phone's lock screen now. he hoped it was a family member.

"what's your screentime?" you asked, an easy smile on your face.

he looked at the image of dead battery on his phone,

"it's dead." he had looked at you for too long.

you've already moved on, it's okay.

fin.

[pupintransit]

Fun little update about my gender affirming surgery- I didn't die!

I'm writing this on March 7, one day after my discharge from the recovery house at GRS Montréal. My flight home from Quebec isn't until Saturday so the hubby and i are hanging out in a hotel until then. I'll start by saying that the staff at GRS Montréal are all complete angels 🧡 I won't get into the weeds of the physical sensations of my recovery, but suffice to say I had a very taxing aftercare. I felt very supported and looked after during my time there even with all the setbacks i experienced.

Now, something that i have alluded to before in my write ups is that the trans communities and friends i have were very diligent to remind people not to romanticize the surgery. They're right to! The morning after my surgery the nerves in my genitals started to reactivate, and they were pissed about it. 11/10 pain for at least 15 minutes, which was when the oxycodone kicked in. Before that the worst pain i'd had experienced was scabies. Not anymore it's not! If you take nothing else from this post please do not fuck around if you're gonna do something like this. Listen to your body and ask for help when you need it, because i gaurentee you that you will need it.

I left site with pain meds to last a few days and very strict aftercare instructions, which i have been following to the letter. My surgeon requires four dilations a day for the first month, which if you include the cleaning up and air drying afterward can take upwards of two hours. Essentially i'm working an eight hour day cut up into four split shifts. To be honest i thought it'd be overwhelming, but after two days in a hotel to get used to everything it's not as bad as i was expecting. I feel like i have enough time in between sessions to relax, eat, go for a little walk, all that fun stuff. Not much time for day trips of course, but i can resume those soon enough. Frankly what i want to do more than go out for an evening is sleep on my side again...

The first time i really took stock of my new genitalia was midday after the external packing came off. I was looking in a mirror. I was purple and swollen (still am) but all the shapes i wanted to see were there. My automatic response was "Yeah, this is fine." Nothing euphoric, nothing like coming home again or whatever, just acceptance. And i think that's all i needed it to be? Nothing is hanging down there anymore. No stringy hairs to trim, no weird wrinkly foreskin, no random erection that won't go away. Just my pussy.

I'm not done healing yet. Shit still hurts quite a bit, i gotta sleep on a towel lest my bedsheets get ruined, and when i douche the water still runs a little red with gunk. That ain't gonna end for a while and it suuuuuucks, but the shapes i want to see on my body are still there so to me it is worth the hassle.

I do still go through phases of regret though, usually when my pain gets a little too much to bear or when my mood really dips. "Did i really need this? This wasn't worth all this pain, i hate feeling this way." What i try to remember is that i was in my right mind when i made and committed to this decision, and i'm simply not when overwhelmed with pain. When that pain subsides, so too does the regret.

And then i see my shapes again.

This was profoundly difficult and easily the worst i have ever felt physically, but i have no regrets. I can't wait to see myself once i'm fully healed and ready to go. I'll be the me i've always wanted to be 🧡

[j-l-kepler]

For the ask game: Failure for Briar, Betrayal for Em, Alone for Eckhart!

OHOHOHO THE ANGST... Thank you for this ask! Sorry I didn't get to it sooner!

From this [post]

CW Warnings and Answers below the cut!

Briar Lockren - Failure

[CW - Abuse in Family and Relationships, Implied & Attempted SA and Coercion]

What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

To her, Briar's greatest failure was not stopping Rowan from his Ascension. To answer all those questions, I'll tell you her story.

See, Rowan Amberclaw was more than a friend she grew up alongside - they were all they had as they grew up in the Cult of Cyric. Briar was a half-drow who was very clearly not her spiteful father's daughter, so she was never accepted enough for the cult's teachings to stick. Rowan, however, was the son of their sect's leader and always felt he was coming up short. They relied on each other. They had no one else in the world.

Rowan didn't leave the cult while Briar did what she could to distance herself, but the two remained close. Since their main concern was sabotaging Banite uprisings in Luskan, Briar was able to be persuaded to help unofficially. I don't think every enemy they faced was deserving, and Briar buried her suspicions in order to preserve their unstable relationship. Rowan got very good at lying to Briar and coercing her into situations she would later rationalize. They were 18, just barely adults, and neither had a good frame of reference for what a relationship was supposed to be. Even so, they loved each other. Briar was a very different person back then. They both were.

Briar made a lot of excuses for him, but she didn't internalize the gravity of her compliance until it was too late. I couldn't tell you when Rowan's genuine love for Briar twisted, but I can tell you when she finally couldn't ignore it.

On the night Rowan killed his own father and usurped his position, Cyric recognized the young man. His deceit, his entitlement, his ego, they were all worthy tributes to The Prince of Lies, and so Rowan became the Chosen of Cyric. Briar believed she was at fault for enabling him, but then he tried to do something terrible. There were no sweetened lies or honeyed words that could distract her from the reality of who he had become. She fled, and he cursed her on her way out the door.

It's been three long years of travelling to outrun Rowan's watchful eye. She hasn't been able to move past it. Misfortunes followed her like a shadow ever since. Anyone who knew about her curse didn't live very long due to natural disaster or mysterious unlucky circumstances snuffing out their lights. (Basically, Briar turned into a Final Destination magnet) And that's on the off-chance they didn't run her out of town for having Cyric's symbol branded onto her arm!

Briar believes Rowan's ascension could've been avoided if she did more than comply with him. If she tried harder to get him away from the cult, maybe they could've been happy together. The worst times are when she believes she should just go back to him so he'll stop haunting her nightmares.

I don't think Briar was right to enable him. But I don't think she would've been able to help as much as she hoped she would. I don't know who Rowan would've been. I only know who he chose to be, and that Briar regrets her hand in it every day of her life.

(Briar was written as a fake Companion Quest "The Weary Ranger" before I made her a Tav, so she's got a hell of a history lol)

These next ones will be a bit easier, I wager...

Emerleigh Markolac - Betrayal

[CW - Mentions of the Slave Trade in D&D, Implied Sex Work]

Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

Emerleigh has arguably suffered 2 major betrayals in her life, but at different speeds and intensities.

The first was at the hands of their older sister Hedryn, when she foolishly tried to temporarily sell the twins for passage into the Xanathar Guild for protections from her MANY debts and troubles. This betrayal was swift and painful, seemingly out of nowhere. Someone she deeply trusted turned on her on a dime. Even though Em understands the emotional circumstances better than Eckhart, that doesn't mean she doesn't understand what Hedryn did was unforgivable and extremely painful for them.

Marble is a slow realization over time instead of an instant betrayal. She and Eckhart trusted Marble after he took them in from the slave trade and showered them with gifts and affection. But over time, she grew to realize he was using them and would do anything in his power to keep the two of them in line. It was a painful realization for her, but less intense due to its unravelling nature and the fact Marble always had a "too good to be true" vibe about him. She made the mistake of believing her well-being meant anything to him. Every terrible client or dangerous job he sent their way was a violation of the twins' trust in him.

The only other person Emerleigh has let herself trust is Eckhart, who has never violated that trust. They're all the other has.

Despite knowing the pain of betrayal well, that doesn't mean Emerleigh's without her own victims. After all the Markolac Twins are con artists at Marble's beckon call first and foremost. Exploiting trust is part of the game. As a bard, it's always been her job to enrapture and seduce with her wiles and words, and she's one of the best in the Gate when she puts her mind to it. How fortunate for her conscience that Marble does dirty dealings with some evil bastards.

So, yes, Emerleigh's betrayed a lot of peoples' trust. Whether they deserve it or not isn't as simple an answer.

Eckhart Markolac - Alone

[CW - Codependance, Hypersexuality]

How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

Eckhart is the funniest and most tragic choice you could've made for this because Eckhart is rarely alone. He's practically glued to Emerleigh's hip, and she's glued to his. If they split up on purpose, it's rarely for longer than an hour or so.

If Eckhart is alone, it's because he's either in Marble's solitary confinement chamber or because Emerleigh is on a job. If he's got no work to keep him busy, he spends his time either in their room (which they share) or out on the town if he's able to sneak out (though the Undercellar has plenty of fun to be had despite it basically being his prison). If he's able to get out, he looks for company in taverns. He either drinks until he starts a fight, spends the night cheating at cards with one-night friends, or getting busy with fellow patrons. You may have noticed, but Eck's hypersexuality is a lot less performative than Em's. She's hypersexual as a method of self-reclamation mixed with some complicated feelings about what's expected of her, while Eckhart does it to distract himself and not feel so godsdamned lonely.

If taverns aren't an option, he fiddles with anything he can find. He hates letting his mind wander because it often goes to a lot of his repressed emotions he's refusing to deal with. He took up cartography, has read every single one of Em's Volothamp Geddarm books (with special focus on the monsters of the open ocean), and one time broke a lute she received as a gift from an admirer when he tried playing it. He mumbles to himself to keep himself busy.

When he's alone on a job, though, that takes all of his mental energy so he doesn't need to fiddle with something or talk to himself.

Most strikingly, Eckhart is stoic when he's alone. He rarely cracks a smile and is more overtly grumpy as opposed to his wry sarcastic streak when he's around people. He doesn't perform being in control when he's alone.

I think if somebody called him codependent, I wouldn't be able to disagree. Eck's not very good at handling life by himself, he can't even pretend to trust others, and that hampers his ability to grow on his own. He's dependent on others to act as a crutch for his personal growth, and acting on his own leads to a kind of emotional atrophy.

THANK YOU FOR ASKING THESE, I HAD A LOT OF FUN COMING UP WITH ANSWERS FOR MY LITTLE ANGST MACHINES

[paula-in-dreamland]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag @ladyaldhelm :)

1. how many works do you have on AO3? None - BUT, hope to have one on there in August or sooner :) I used to be on fanfiction.net - 9 stories still posted there.

2. what's your total AO3 word count? N/A - Although my longest story on FF is ~ 57.1k words. And I have a feeling I am going to surpass that with my current fic...

3. what fandoms do you write for? The Last Kingdom currently, may return to Twilight, previously Power Rangers, considered a few others

4. top five fics by kudos: N/A for A03, but Finding Love on FF has 147 favorites and 172 reviews.....

5. do you respond to comments? I likely will...On Fanfic, I tried to interact with people who PMed or Commented as much as possible!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don't think I ever had something have an angsty ending? Just an angsty beginning/middle? Especially since I wrote my published fics at age 14/15? But I hardcore am into dragging my muses through the mud right now.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Finding Love lol. It's a very wholesome fic.

8. do you get hate on fics? I did on the first ever fic I published. The worst part was that it was on stuff that I thought you were supposed to do based on reading tons of other fics. It shook me to my core since I was FOURTEEN. Sad to say - the fic is now gone from fanfiction and my computer and it's my biggest regret :(

9. do you write smut? Yes - But I've actually never published it now that I think about it! And have not written as much as my brain is convinced?! Oh wait that was my rpg days thats why.

10. craziest crossover? No crossovers. Just really into AUs.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge!

12. have you ever had a fic translated? Either someone wanted to translate Finding Love or get it bound into real books...I cannot remember LOL.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? Nah.

14. all time favorite ship? No pls don't make me choose :( I'm going to say Rosalie and Emmett from Twilight because they were the first ones to inspire me to write my own fic.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Honestly? I have SO many Stiorra and Sigtryggr fics that are 60% plotted, but I don't know if I'll ever get to writing all of them? Unless I keep my fixation for the next 10+ years, especially with wanting to write my own stuff. Plus, maybe Finding Love the Sequel...I made a lot of sad people when I did not finish it.

16. what are your writing strengths? Dialogue. And maybe action?

17. what are your writing weaknesses? Show don't tell and being ~poetic~ and introspection? I struggle with 3rd person.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language? I love it! And I want to incorporate it into a few of my fic ideas. However, I am not sure HOW I want to do it yet - i.e. Google translate OR just "They spoke in xyz language". When done well, it can be a great plot device!

19. first fandom you wrote in? Twilight!

20. favorite fic you've written? Currently the one I am writing.

No pressure tags: @azriona and anyone else on here that's a writer!