#I'm SO worried about my dog ok

[karmaphone]

they should invent bandages that stay where you put them

[lyriumrain]

had my 4 hours of dicking around time and now i'm wondering if i should go out and actually do my job but

it's like 3:30 which means school's out and kids might be around and i really dont wanna have to deal with that

what i'm saying is maybe this should be tomorrow skip's problem

[evendrierguys]

you know you've truly become an adult when you get an update on some Adult Matter so infuriating all you want to do is go home early and scream about it. which is exactly what i just did

[nowendil]

it's 3 am and i woke up because my dog had another coughing fit (it wasnt even that bad but i have been so worried about her it woke me up anyway despite the fact that we sleep on different floors of the house) and she's fine for the time being it was just one cough and i helped her get a better sleeping position but I'm just so worried so worried so worried i feel physically ill. the new meds are helping but i feel like not enough and the vet said we only have one more med option if this one doesnt help and i know all of these only treat the syptoms because the thing that's wrong cant be dealt with and i know many dogs lead happy lives with this same condition but. but she's old. she's old but she's so happy and lively otherwise and the cough has been better after we started the meds maybe this is just a bad night and it was just one coughing fit but what if it's getting worse what if she chokes during the night and i sleep through it what if i dont and i just cant do anything what if she dies and it's my fault. i'm so worried

[lolexjpg]

so fuckin mad at all the loser hp fans who r gonna get the collectors edition the black dog CD instead of me :(

[bruxa-means-witch]

Εὐεργεσίας τίμα

059 -  Honour a benefaction

This is a maxims of action rather than exclusively intelectual or a reflection. The message is clear: be thankful when you’re benefited. It may feel a little redundant since we already went through the Delphic Maxims 106 “be grateful”, but in this case we need to go beyond the feeling of gratefulness and actually act on it, otherwise the maxims would be to thank a benefaction in place of honouring one. 

If someone benefited you in any way, it’s your job to at least thank them for it. If this benefit comes from a spiritual plan, then you should honour the Gods accordingly. 

We should also remember to honour the benefaction of the people who came before us, the ones who pavemented the road so we could walk on it. That includes (but it’s not limited to) our parents, grandparents, ancestors and even friends and communities! 

If you’re helped in any way, be grateful and honour their effort. This can happen by simply saying thank you, returning the favor or connecting to a deity. And it doesn’t even stop there! There’s a lot of different ways of honouring others, you should pick the most adequated and roll with it.

Our lives can only be truly happy if we can appreciate the benefactions that comes our way and who to thank for it. 

Disclaimer: This is my interpretation of this Delphic Maxims, be free to reflect and draw your own conclusions. If you think I am misguided or mistaken in any way, you can always send me an ask or messenge me.  

[tgcg]

tell your loved ones

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 12:01 --

TG: hey im on the john

JOHN: hey, dave is taking a dump.

TG: taking a shit just so were clear

JADE: jeez!!!!!!! even when im not online i have to hear about it

TG: i know you care so youre first to know

JOHN: i'm just giving you a heads up for the bajillion messages you will definitely have about this when you get home.

EB: god, thank you. that is awesome. dave fans everywhere are gonna go NUTS for this truth nugget.

EB: hey, i am at the store with jade!

TG: tell her the news

EB: i did as soon as you first pinged me, don't worry.

TG: hell yeah see you just fucking get it

JADE: well tell him i say congrats!

EB: she says congrats.

EB: also that you left your "yeah! woo!" machine at her place.

EB: and that you are gross and smell like a dog took a dump on a fart even when you aren't crapping during our conversations.

TG: goddamn

EB: jk that last bit was me heheh. but she nodded!

EB: so anyways, a yeah woo machine?

EB: what the hell even IS that?

JADE: its more or less a machine that yeahs and woos

TG: its basically a machine that yeahs and woos

EB: ok, yeah, that is pretty much exactly what jade said too. apparently this is supposed to be obvious.

JADE: its pretty self explanatory!

TG: pretty self explanatory stuff

TG: anyways im gonna tell karkat this time i think im ready for that

EB: oh shit (LOL), that's a pretty big deal, right? good luck dude.

--

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 12:03 --

TG: ok karkat can i be unbelievably candid with you is dj crabapple ready for this

TG: this is a really big deal for me but like no pressure

CG: SHIT, IS EVERYTHING OK?

CG: DO I NEED TO COME OVER THERE.

TG: no no its good i just really need to confess something

CG: WHATEVER IT IS, TELL ME. I'M HERE.

TG: alright

TG: deep breath strider

--

TG: im dropping mad logs like bars in the ablution block vantas

TG: shit is on fire

TG: downright heretical like a shat outta hell

TG: and since im feeling penitent i figure our pesterlogs are pretty much akin to a confessional booth right

CG:

--

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:04 --

TT: Hey Dave.

TT: Are you, by any chance, taking a shit right now?

TG: damn word spreads fast on the information superhighway

TT: Yes, I have had the news forwarded to me via this bountiful virtual dimension of knowledge and culture we call the World Wide Web by a fellow enthusiast, one ectoBiologist.

TT: Frankly I'm heartbroken you didn't come to me about it first.

TT: Please, divulge to your loving sister the nature of your bowel movements, in exhaustive detail. Highlights in a notarized list, an overall ranking grade of your experience, whether you would recommend it to your friends, et cetera. These would be among my most pertinent avenues of inquiry.

TG: you were next on the mailing list rose im already on it

TG: boutta weave a verbal tapestry no holds barred just for you about my rambunctious foray down in brown town

TG: stay tubed

TT: Thank god. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't peruse your commodal follies like the morning gazette.

TG: dont act like this has educational value rose

TG: we all know my daily bullshit has got a laugh track

TG: like damn what kind of gazettes are you getting

TT: The best kind, Dave. Only the best kind.

TG: thanks for the vote of confidence

TG: wait gimme a sec karkat pinged

TT: Of course. I understand it's quite a big deal for you.

--

CG: OK.

CG: SINCE THIS APPARENTLY SKIRTS THE FRESHEST BUDS OF OUR BRO-DOM'S BURGEONING FROND NUB, I *ALSO* HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SHARE.

CG: I HOPE YOUR REFLECTIVE ABLUTION VAULT IS STOCKED WITH FUCKING RUMBLESPHERE TRANQUILIZERS, BECAUSE THIS EXCHANGE IS ABOUT TO GET SHITHIVE MAGGOTS.

CG: LISTEN CAREFULLY.

TG: whats up

--

CG: I AM ALSO ON THE LOAD GAPER RIGHT NOW.

TG: oh shiiit

CG: DON'T UNCLENCH YOUR EXPLOSIVE FUCKING SEED FLAP JUST YET, BECAUSE THERE'S *MORE*!

CG: I AM *ALSO* TAKING A CRAP.

TG: oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

CG: OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Studio execs love plausible sentence generators because they have a workflow that looks exactly like a writer-exec dynamic, only without any eye-rolling at the stupid “notes” the exec gives the writer.

All an exec wants is to bark out “Hey, nerd, make me another E.T., except make the hero a dog, and set it on Mars.” After the writer faithfully produces this script, the exec can say, “OK, put put a love interest in the second act, and give me a big gunfight at the climax,” and the writer dutifully makes the changes.

This is exactly how prompting an LLM works.

A writer and a studio exec are lost in the desert, dying of thirst.

Just as they are about to perish, they come upon an oasis, with a cool sparkling pool of water.

The writer drops to their knees and thanks the fates for saving their lives.

But then, the studio exec unzips his pants, pulls out his cock and starts pissing in the water.

“What the fuck are you doing?” the writer demands.

“Don’t worry,” the exec says, “I’m making it better.”

- Everything Made By an AI Is In the Public Domain: The US Copyright Office offers creative workers a powerful labor protective

THIS IS THE LAST DAY FOR MY KICKSTARTER for the audiobook for "The Internet Con: How To Seize the Means of Computation," a Big Tech disassembly manual to disenshittify the web and make a new, good internet to succeed the old, good internet. It's a DRM-free book, which means Audible won't carry it, so this crowdfunder is essential. Back now to get the audio, Verso hardcover and ebook:

http://seizethemeansofcomputation.org

Going to Burning Man? Catch me on Tuesday at 2:40pm on the Center Camp Stage for a talk about enshittification and how to reverse it; on Wednesday at noon, I'm hosting Dr Patrick Ball at Liminal Labs (6:15/F) for a talk on using statistics to prove high-level culpability in the recruitment of child soldiers.

On September 6 at 7pm, I'll be hosting Naomi Klein at the LA Public Library for the launch of Doppelganger.

On September 12 at 7pm, I'll be at Toronto's Another Story Bookshop with my new book The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.

[luveline]

whenever youre free!! can you please write a spencer x reader where we meet spencer during an early season where he’s still cute and awkward maybe we date too but something happens and we don’t see him for a long time only to meet him again when he’s older and hotter (post prison) and there’s still crazy tension after all those years. in love with your writing btw!!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

tysm for requesting! hope this is ok :D ♡ 1.2k

cw vaguely suggestive theme

Looking at Spencer, you could almost think you were fresh out of college again, unsure of yourself and in need of a friend. 

He'd been much more than a friend. It's why you're here. 

The cake might have been a bad idea. You hold it between two hands, the subtle smell of chocolate rising from the box's ill-fitting lid. Your breath catches, words coming out wonky, "Hey. Spencer?" 

He looks up from his book, startled at being found, you think. "Y/N?" 

He looks the same. 

Obviously, he's older. He has facial hair and his curls are styled rather than having been left to their own devices, but you feel as hopelessly enamoured with him as you had years ago, because he still smiles like a puppy dog.

You're twice as surprised as he is when he stands from his coffee table to hug you. The cake box wobbles in your hands as he squeezes you, swaying you from side to side, his laugh warm in your ear. 

"What are you doing back here?" he asks, diving backward to see your face. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again." 

"I still had JJ's number, you know, from when I wanted that address, and she texted me to say you'd been released, and I," —your voice curls tighter, are you talking too much?— "know you might not want to hear from me, but I was worried about you. You were my best friend." 

His smile flickers. You press the cake into his hands. 

"That's for you," you say. 

Spencer's wavering smile turns to the box. He sets it down on the table beside his coffee cup and tented book, removing the lid carefully. You remember suddenly how nice his hands are, and the tracing of his fingertips down your bare shoulders. Goosebumps erupt along the ghost of his touch. 

"Well done on not being a criminal," he reads, snorting. "Funny. Little too soon." 

You feel like your stomach's fallen out, but he drops the act with another laugh. 

"Oh, you're still a jerk," you say. "I'm glad something hasn't changed." 

"You think I've changed?" he asks. 

"You didn't get any taller, if that's what you're asking." 

Spencer's smile turns fond. It's the sweet, sticky smile he'd always give you before he'd tell you he loved you, or that you were the best best friend ever. Or that last night, when you followed him hand in hand down the long hallway to his bedroom. 

"I wasn't that much of a jerk, was I?" he asks. 

"No, you weren't." You hold your hands behind your back. "Could I join you? Just for a bit?" 

"You brought me a cake. I can't say no, can I? Of course you can sit down. I'll get you a coffee, okay?" 

He touches his hand to your arm as he passes. You sit down in the seat across from him, sick with what-if and should-have. What if I could've stayed? Maybe I should have done more. But when Spencer ignored the letters you sent him while he was incarcerated, you figured you'd done more than he wanted. The cake was a last ditch effort, spurred on by JJ's text that read, I think he'd be really happy to see you. 

Spencer puts a china cup down in front of you. You take a sip, muscle memory, and grin at him shyly as he slides into the seat across from you. "You remembered." 

"I remember everything." 

"Right. Your photographic memory." 

"Eidetic, and sure, but I wouldn't forget about you." He reads your shyness for what it is, worry you've overstepped. He's too perceptive to trick. "I think I tried, but… I have so many bad memories, I wanted the good ones to keep." 

You can't imagine the things he experienced in prison. JJ couldn't tell you much. You knew from how you had to address his letters alone that he was sent to a general correctional facility in Mexico, rather than the protective custody he'd needed. He doesn't look terrible considering, but you've barely seen him since you had to leave. He's aged well. The only worry is his dark under eyes. 

"We had a good time," you say gently. "I knew you'd need that. That's why I sent you all those letters, you know? I wasn't trying to come back into your life, I know I don't deserve it after I left, but I couldn't stop thinking about you by yourself." 

You stare at his book. 

"How many letters did you send?" he asks. 

"I don't really remember." 

"I didn't get one." He grimaces. "I didn't get any from my mom, either. Think it was a coincidence?" 

Spencer's time in was kind of sick. He stabbed himself, made friends with criminals, played a lot of chess, and learned how to make tacos in a doritos bag. It was also arguably the loneliest and most degrading time of his life. 

One coffee becomes two, two becomes a third to go. You feel a hundred emotions but there's one that stands out the most as you drift around Pentagon City with him —wanting. You want him to be your best friend again, to rub your back and hold you when you're tired, to take you grocery shopping in his beat up P130. You want him to kiss you like he had, like he was searching for something, but he's changed so much that you don't know if your Spencer is still in there, under everything, or if he'd even want to.

"You live in the same apartment?" you ask. 

"Can you imagine how much it would cost me to move that many books? Paying the rent turns out cheaper," he says, the two of you walking in the grey street. "What about you? You didn't come all the way here to see me." 

"I actually did." You rub up the length of your upper arm, sheepish. "I did, Spencer." 

For a while, all you can hear is the plastic rustling of the bag held in his hand. 

"Thank you for writing to me. I didn't get to read them, but it makes a difference." 

You lift your head to meet his eyes. He holds your gaze, a charge behind his dark brown eyes. You used to think his irises and his pupils were one and the same, but you can see now that there are flecks of light in his irises. His hedging of thick lashes kiss in the corners as he slowly, slowly smiles. 

You glare at him. "Don't." 

"Don't what?" 

"You know what. You're doing that thing. Pretending you're not trying to make me nervous." 

"I'm not doing that. Flustered, but not nervous." Is he smirking?

"Flustered," you repeat, your smile stupidly big now, cheeks aching. "Yeah, right, Reid."

His pinky brushes yours. You don't have any proof that he's doing it purposefully, but he is. 

"Do you want to get something to eat? You can tell me what you were writing in your letters. I'd really, really like to know." His voice is threaded with a familiar timidity for the first time since you reunited. 

There you are, you think happily. "Sure. You buy me a sticky bun from our old place and I'll tell you all my written secrets." 

"Deal." 

[wandanatsgf]

Sugar, Sugar Part 1

Pairing: WandaNat x Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: After losing your job, you are desperate to come up with some money. Your best friend Kate signs you up for a sugar baby app where you meet Wanda and Natasha, who eventually become your sugar mommies.

Authors Note: I've been reading so many sugar mommy!wandanat x reader fics that I wanted to make one myself. I know the beginning is a bit rough, but I'm just trying to set everything up. I promise it will get better!!!! There will also be plenty of smut in the upcoming chapters, this is just a warning for that now. And I plan on making many parts to this. I hope you all enjoy it!

Part 2

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” you dramatically exclaim. You drape yourself across the old and slightly musty couch in your small two person apartment. Your work uniform rides up your body a little as you lay down, which you quickly pull down, covering yourself again. You pull your right arm over your eyes, trying to block out the light and the horrible day you just had.

Your best friend and roommate Kate laughs sympathetically at your dramatics. “I know getting fired sucks but there’s tons of ways to make money.” She moves your legs and sits down next to you, placing your legs on top of her.

“Like what?”

“Well you could mow lawns, dog sit, babysit, just until you find another job,” Kate suggests.

“I guess I could but I just don’t know if that would be able to cover my bills and let alone rent.”

“Well there is another thing you can try.” The tone in Kate's voice has you sitting up, removing your arm so you can look at her.

“You remember my friend Darcy that I told you about?”

“Yeah the super rich, successful one.”

“Well when she was in college she was a sugar baby,” Kate says before she cuts herself off to scold you.  “And y/n don’t give me that look just hear me out!”

“Ok fine, keep talking.”

“Well she got a whole bunch of money from it. She was able to pay off her student loans and she had some money leftover that she invested and y’know now she’s rich and super successful and hot and amazing. But that wasn’t the point.” Kate shakes her head at herself, scolding herself for getting off topic like she always does. “Anyway maybe you should try being a sugar baby.”

“I don’t know Kate.” Sure this would be a great opportunity for you, if you find someone that is, but do you really want to use your body to get money?

“You could just look and see what’s out there. You don’t have to accept any sugar daddy or sugar mommy proposals,” Kate says and you’ve got to admit that she’s got a good point.

“Ok what the hell,” you say, agreeing.

“Let me just get the sugar baby app name from Darcy and we can do this.”

A few minutes later the app is downloaded on your phone. You feel nervous but also excited. This could be a way for you to not have to worry about money, at least for a while. Maybe it would be nice to be taken care of.

“Ok it’s downloaded, let’s set it up.” The two of you create your profile and pretty soon you’re looking at sugar mommies and sugar daddies.

“What about this one?” You ask Kate. You pass her the phone, and from the look on her face you can tell that it’s a no go.

“Definitely not,” Kate says, her nose wrinkling up in disgust.

“Why not?”

“I know you, and that’s not what you want.” You have to admit she is right, you don’t really want some 50 year old with a penchant for “parading his girls around” as he called it, but you’re desperate and he is the best looking person on there so far.

You continue to scroll through the men and women, none of them really catching your eye until you see the profile of a beautiful red haired girl and an equally beautiful auburn haired girl. You would recognize their faces anywhere, Natasha Romanoff and Wanda Maximoff, the owners of the country's best security company.

“There’s no way this is real,” you say. “This has to be some sort of joke or something.” You pass her your phone and watch as her eyes go comically wide.

“There’s no way the Natasha Romanoff and the Wanda Maximoff are looking for a sugar baby,” you say. You practically scoff at the idea, but there’s still that little voice in your head that wonders if maybe the profile is real.

“There’s only one way to find out,” Kate says. She still has your phone in your hands and you watch as she types, until finally she stops.

“Katie what did you do?”

“I just messaged them,” Kate says innocently. You glance down at the message and it says, “Hi my name is y/n and I’d love to get to know you both and see if I’m what you’re looking for ;),”

“Did you have to add the wink Katie? They’re gonna think I’m like a whore or something now,” you whine.

“Oh relax you big baby. It’s fine. And besides maybe a whore is what they’re looking for,” Kate says, giving you a wink.

“Kate!” You exclaim. You lightly slap her on the arm.

“Owww y/n. You’re very feisty for such a tiny person.”

“Serves you right,” you mutter underneath your breath. The two of you continue to scroll through the app when you see a notification pop up.

Natasha and Wanda had replied to your message.

“Oh my god,” you say. You can feel yourself freaking out, even when you’re going into the texting part of the app and opening the message.

“Hi darling, we’d love to get to know you more too! We’re Natasha and Wanda, we’re both sugar mommies who are looking for a sugar baby to share. We work quite a bit, but we promise that we’ll still have time for you if things work out between us. Can’t wait to hear back from you,” the message reads. You show the message to Kate who responds with excitement.

But you can feel yourself freaking out on the inside even more now. However your doubts from earlier creep in and calm you down. There’s a big chance that this is just a catfish, but you still want to take the chance. Who wouldn’t want an opportunity to be with Natasha and Wanda?

“Help me come up with a response,” you tell the girl sitting next to you. After a few minutes of back and forth, the two of you come up with what you think is the perfect response.

“Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. I’m y/n, a sugar baby who is currently in college trying to pay off my loans. I normally have plenty of time on my hands and would be able to be around whenever you need.”

You cringe at the last part of the message, which was all Kate’s idea, but clearly it worked because a few minutes later you have a text inviting you out to get some coffee tomorrow afternoon and you say yes.

“You have to come with me though, just in case it’s like a catfish or something,” you tell your best friend. 

“Of course, I’ll sit in the cafe and just text me if you need me,” Kate says reassuring you. 

The next day comes too quickly and before you know it you and Kate are sitting in the cafe waiting for Natasha and Wanda. You’re sitting at a table in the back, while Kate is sitting at a table across the room from you. The minutes seem to drag on forever, making you even more anxious than you already are. Everytime the bell above the door goes off, you glance up, hoping it’s one of the girls walking through. You’re just about to lose hope when you see Natasha and Wanda walk in. They look so breathtakingly beautiful. 

“Hi Y/n,” Wanda says, being the first to greet you. She towers over you as she envelopes you in a hug, which you gladly reciprocate.  

“Hi,” you say back. It comes out quieter than you meant it to. You can feel your cheeks heating up, but gladly both women ignore it. 

“And hi I’m Natasha,” the red haired girl says. She also towers over you, but you like that about the two women. She also envelopes you into a hug. She smells like vanilla and smoke and it gives you a sense of comfort. The three of you sit down and the two women get straight to the point. 

“So as you know we’re looking for a sugar baby,” Natasha says, her voice a low tone. “We just wanted to meet with you today to go over some things and see if we’d get along,” she explains. 

“Ok that sounds good,” you agree. 

“Have you ever been in a dynamic like this before?” 

“No I haven’t,” you say, your blush coming back. You can feel your nerves getting worse as well as you fidget with a ring on your hand. 

“It’s ok to be nervous baby, we won’t bite,” Wanda leans in to tell you. She places her hand on top of yours, stopping your fidgeting. She places her hand in yours, which you gladly hold. 

“That’s alright, we’re pretty new to this too. But there are a couple of things we wanted to go over today. First, when do you have class?”

“Well Tuesday and Thursday mornings I have class until 11am, but besides that my days are wide open.” This answer makes Natasha smile, which in turn makes you smile. 

“What is it that you need help with?” You appreciate that Natasha is getting straight to the point, it’s doing wonders at calming your nerves.

“Mostly rent and some bills. I, uh, just lost my job and it’s been hard to stay afloat.”

“Well that won’t be a problem now that we’re here,” Natasha tells you, sending you a wink. The action sends a blush across your face, turning it a shade of pink. 

"I know this isn't exactly normal," Natasha says, "But we promise if today works out, which I think it will, we'll take care of you darling." Natasha's words make you smile. Normally you were never so shy around people, but the two women next to you really bring it out in you.

“Do you have any questions for us honey?” Wanda asks. 

“Yes actually. What is it exactly that I would be doing?”

“You would keep us company, go to some company functions with us, and,” Natasha says, her voice dropping low as she says the next part, “have sex with us when we want it.”

“But obviously we would work up to that part,” Wanda adds cheerfully. 

“Ok,” you say, taking all of that information in. You knew going into this that sex would be on the table, but it shocks you that these two beautiful women are wanting to do it with you. 

“I’m sorry if this is a weird question, but aren’t the two of you together? What exactly do you need me for?”

“Yes we’re together sweetheart, but we’re not the most compatible in the bedroom.”

“What Wanda means is that we’re both pretty dominant and we need someone submissive to fulfill our needs,” Natasha says. Wanda slaps her on her arm and lightly scolds her, making you giggle. 

“I can do that,” you say, letting both of them know that you want this. The thought of being submissive for both of them stirs a longing within you. You can feel a slight dampness in your panties and you cross your legs, hoping Wanda, who is still holding your hand, doesn’t notice. But of course she does. 

“You already feeling a little needy, baby?” Wanda whispers, her cockiness coming out of nowhere, but god does it turn you on. Her lips ghost on the outer shell of your ear, causing your breathing to become ragged. 

“Mhm,” you manage to get out. 

“You’re so cute when you’re needy. I can’t wait to see just how needy I can make you,” Wanda says. She leans away from you, but not before leaving a soft kiss on your cheek, making you go pink.

“Don’t kill the poor girl Wanda,” Natasha scolds. 

“I can’t help it, she’s just so cute,” Wanda says, like you aren't there, which just turns you on even more. 

“Yeah she is,” Natasha agrees. 

You don’t know what to say, too absorbed in your own lust, when Natasha speaks again, snapping you out of it.

“Here are our phone numbers,” she says, slipping you a piece of paper. You take the pieces of paper and program their numbers into your phone and you give them your number and they do the same.

“We’ll text you tomorrow to work out the details and set up a contract, assuming you still want to do this?” Wanda questions. 

“I do,” you reassure her. 

“Then we’ll talk to you tomorrow, detka,” Wanda says. The two women get up, both hugging you goodbye. You watch the two women walk out, having forgotten that Kate was also at the cafe until she comes up to you. 

“Oh my god,” Kate says.

“I know,” is all you say.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to get two sugar mommies.”

[braindeadmaggot]

Weekends are weird. I woke up early for once, checked my phone for a bit, rolled over and fell back asleep.

I then proceeded to have a very vivid and extensive

FIVE HOUR NIGHTMARE

about my city collapsing.

[buckysegan]

With all my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration - Part three.

Summary: The letters back and forth between our loves through the rest of the war. Word Count: 2.1K A/N: we are def rolling with some historical inaccuracies in regards to letters here but sue me, do i know how long the letters took? not a clue. but google gave us a good guess. john egan how i miss you, i need your love so here i give you mine. Part two link.

Dear Major Egan,

I'm delighted to hear I'm with you. I hope you know, that you've been with me too. It's rather insane to me if I think about it too much, just how much I've thought about you in the time that I've waited for your letters. Part of me was worried that you would think I was a little crazy righting to a man I didn't know and an even bigger part of me was worried my letters would reach you too late, but I'm glad you were happy to hear from me.

I don't mind that you're a simple guy, in fact I think I like that, then I won't have to worry about impressing you whilst we write back and forth I can just say what comes to mind. I like to think that I laugh quite easily myself, laughter is free right? And right now I think we could all use a little laughter in the world. I'll tell you my favorite song next and then you can tell me yours, I love you are my sunshine, it warms something in my chest whenever it comes on, I just can't help but smile you know? Your turn John!

I wish I could know exactly where you are, then I could know if you were some place safe but I'll settle for knowing you're still out there. As for me, I'm in Washington, Redmond to be more precise, is that anywhere near where you're from? I'd like to meet you very much Major.

With all my anticipation, excitement and continued adoration,

A friend from home x

Dear Darling,

That's what the boys have been calling you ever since your second letter arrived and given I don't know your name, that's what I decided to roll with. I hope that's alright.

I have no idea how your letters keep finding me at the exact right time, it's like fate keeps leaving it till it knows I need to hear from you. You should also know, it wouldn't matter to me if you were a little crazy, I know I'm crazy so you'd just fit right in. I don't think anyone that thinks laughter is free could be considered crazy though. You seem to good for such a thing.

I've had you are my sunshine stuck in my head for the past few days whilst I tried to find paper to write you. I think the boys were grateful at first because I wasn't sinking Blue Skies my old favorite, now I think they're ready to kill us both darling. Next question, do you like cats or dogs more? I'm not telling you my answer till I know you can be trusted.

I am with you. Know that much, and I guess Washington will be my first stop when I'm back home.

Please never stop writing.

With all my wondering, respect and ever growing adoration

John Egan

Dear John,

I could have given you my name. But I've decided that darling will do quite nicely for now. If you want to know my name you're going to have to make it home and come and get it yourself.

Is it sad of me to confess that every day I don't get your letter I get a little bit sadder until one comes through? I just hate the wait each time even though I know that these things take time. Writing you might just be the most stressful thing I decided to be. How does anyone's heart survive doing this?

You'll be pleased to know, I've been annoying the girls plenty in return with Blue Skies since learning that it's your favourite. I feel like it tells me a lot about you Major. Sing it for me sometime? I also feel like your question is a trick, a cat and a dog have very different purposes in life so I'll just chose both if that's ok?

I wanted to tell you I joined the war efforts myself since I last wrote. I'm in the factories now and I have to admit, I've never enjoyed having dirty hands so much. I'm helping to build the planes. The wings specifically, I think they put me here because I wouldn't stop talking about my pilot John.

I wonder if anything I ever build will make it across to you? My letters won't stop as long as yours don't John.

With all my curiosity, joy and bursting adoration.

Your darling from home x

Dear Darling,

I'm in a terrible mood. Buck said I can't start my letter like that but I told him you'd be alright. You don't mind do you? I have to tell someone or I think I might actually start going a little crazy. I might already be crazy if I didn't get just as excited as you do when the mail call comes through.

I wish I knew you before the war. I wish you knew me before the war, I fear I might not be the John that came to England. I don't even know if I'm the John that start writing you all those months ago. I'm just sort of hoping you won't give up on me anyway even if my letters ain't always sunshine.

And I'm glad darling, I'm so god damn glad that waiting on my letters is the most stressful part of your day. Reminds me why we're doing this, what we're over here for. To keep you all safe at that side.

I suppose I can give you cats and dogs though. I wouldn't want to pick either if we really had to come down to it. My girls smart though huh? Making those planes for us to fly? I gotta say the idea of that does something to me and my bad mood in a good way.

What I wouldn't give to be home with you right now and I never even met you.

My longing, wishing and steady adoration

John Egan

Dear John

You can write to me, come rain or shine, bad moods or good. I don't want to just be here for the fun parts Major. I may not have known you before the war, and I may only just be learning who you are now but I don't doubt for a second, every part of you is worth knowing so tell Buck that I'll take it all and he can keep his opinions to himself.

I'm sorry, it was thoughtless of me to say writing letters were stressful when you're over there doing what needs to be done. More news keeps reaching us and each day I am terrified that your name is going to appear on a list somewhere.

I know that you can't be here, and I can't be there, but I wanted you to have some small piece of me with you so I sent you something with this letter. Keep smiling with me John, through the good and the bad, just keep smiling if you can.

I hope to see you so soon.

All my determination, strength and adoration

Darling x

Dear Darling,

Buck said he's sorry. He won't ever doubt you again. I think you two would really like each other you know.

He's my voice of reason these days, or rather he always has been. One of my two favorite people, him here, and you all the way over there. How is home? Does it still smell as sweet as I remember it?

I'm a little convinced that you're too good to be true darling. Your picture caused more whistles and taunts that I've seen from the boys in forever and I would have knocked them all on their ass if Buck didn't strike and tell me to sit down again. How do you not have a solider of your own to be writing too?

Sometimes when I get down time. I like to day dream about what you're up to over there. How many planes you fixed up for us, imagine taking you dancing on a Friday night, do you have siblings? Your folks still around? I've been trying to picture it all.

I dream of that soon more than I care to admit.

With all my promises, thoughts and adoration

John Egan

Dear John,

I'm glad you have a voice of reason. We wouldn't want you getting up to any trouble now would we? Are you the sort to be in trouble a lot? I get the impression you could be Major Egan.

How are your moods holding up these days? I can't help but worry about you over here even when I'm meant to be busy.

If you could see the blush that you have all caused you would all be ashamed of yourself. I promise I'm real. I tried to get my friend Meg to let me send a picture of her but she claimed you were really going to show up here one day and then you'd be looking for the wrong girl.

I like the idea of you imagining things. It means I'm not the only one. I do have siblings, an older sister who works in the factories with me, and a little brother who is out fighting with you somewhere but his own girl writes him. My folks are both still here with me too. What's your family like?

I do have a solider of my own to be writing John, I have you.

Tell me a secret if you can?

Your darling x

Dear Darling,

Forgive me because this letter will be short, but I needed to send it out before we move. If you don't hear from me in a while, don't worry, I'll write back as soon as I'm able. I want that name, I want the dancing, I want you to meet my mom when I'm back.

You want to know a secret darling? I think it's taken me ten letters to fall in love with you after all you've given me.

With my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration

John Egan

Dear John,

I'm writing even if you might not get this because I refuse to believe anything else other than you're busy for a while. I'll be over here waiting for you remember. I'm with you even when I'm not.

I have so much more to tell you and things I want to learn before I am satisfied.

In fact, no I may never be satisfied and then I never have to let you go.

You'll be in each of my thoughts till I hear from you again John, I think loving you took me one letter.

With all my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration

Your darling x

Dear John

I don't think I've taken a real breath in weeks. I figured I would write you again, just in case the first one didn't reach you and you thought I hadn't wrote back.

Your name hasn't appeared on any lists so I refuse to believe that you're not still out there waiting to come home to me.

In case you missed it in the first letter, I love you too.

I am still expecting you home John Egan, I'd be with you till you were. That was the deal right?

With all my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration

Your darling x

Dear John

If my letters and love don't reach you where do they go?

Tell me more secrets please? Tell me anything? Tell me you'll sing for me like I asked? What do I do if I never get to meet you?

I've checked each list I've found twice every day for months now. Meg said I'm a mess but I don't really care, I just want to know that you're alright. Even if you're not coming here. Please just tell me you're safe John.

With all my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration

Your darling x

Dear Darling,

Sorry, I didn't think a little while would be that long but I've thought of you every damn day I couldn't write to you. I got your letters, all three of them made it to my base some how.

I'm hoping I beat this letter home so that I can tell you in person that I love you.

I hope you like what arrives in Washington darling, but please bare with me if it takes me a second to adjust. I'll tell you everything, all of it, anything you want to know about me. I feel like I have very little to offer you but it's all for you now. I'll be home so soon.

With all my heart, my love and my unfiltered adoration

Yours,

John Egan

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

Calling them "Daddy"

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairing: Dazai, Chuuya, Nikolai, Akutagawa, Atsushi, Fyodor X Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Format: Drabble

Warnings: Suggestive content, Pet names (Baby girl, Dove, etc)

Word Count: 1.1K

A/n: Some of these are based on some TikTok vids I've seen before, so credit to them lol

↳Chuuya Nakahara

"Can you help me with the zipper, daddy?"

Chuuya choked on his wine as he started coughing rapidly, with you watching him having a big smile on your face.

"What did you say to me?"

"I said can you help me with the zipper?"

"No no after that" He shook his head and came closer to you, looking at you eagerly "What did you say after that?"

"Oh you mean daddy?" you rolled your eyes playfully, hands reaching for his bowtie to fix it. "What? Aren't you my daddy?"

"I'm your daddy" He grinned and pulled you closer to himself just to lift you up, which you collaborated by wrapping your arms around his neck. "I like that, keep calling me that"

"Ok daddy"

Chuuya was losing it when you planted a kiss on his cheek, as if your coquetry wasn't enough already.

"Yeah keep calling me that and we'll never leave the bedroom again, baby girl"

↳Osamu Dazai

"Welcome back, daddy" You walked toward your boyfriend and his colleague who were sitting on the couch in the living room. He raised his head with a smirk and stared at you smugly.

"Thanks, Bella. Daddy has had a very long day"

"Oi! Are you two for real" Kunikida protested with a sharp tune, only for Dazai to ignore him while stretching his arms out.

"Ugh I'm exhausted! C'mon baby girl, come give daddy a massage"

"I can't believe you guys. So shameless" Kunikida got up and walked away, with your eyes following him until he exited the room.

"Let's go to the bedroom now, shall we Bella?" The brunette beamed as he placed a hand behind your back, guiding you to your shared bedroom.

"Didn't you want a massage, Osamu?"

"You can do better than a massage, baby girl" His hand squeezed your ass from behind. "Also, call me by my name one more time and you'll get a hard punishment. You don't want daddy to be disappointed, do you?"

↳Nikolai Gogol

"This meal is so sour! Don't you think so, daddy?"

Nikolai raised his head from the plate, smirking at how lewd you were to call him that in a public place. He was also turned on of course, so he put his hand under his chin while staring at your face which had a hidden smile on it.

"You think so, Dove?" "Yeah! I can't believe how expensive it is when it tastes so awful! Seriously daddy, these people are trying to scam us. You should teach them a lesson"

"Oh I will do anything for you Dove" He got up from his seat, placing his head next to your ear, sending shivers down your spine every time his lips made contact with your ear. "I will kill them all. No one has the right to upset my Sugar cube"

"Oh daddy~" Placing a kiss on his cheek, you smiled innocently at the tall man beside you. "You would do that for me?" "I would" "Then, I'll have to show my appreciation to you somehow, right?"

"Don't you worry your little head about that" Nikolai caressed your hair while imagining all the things he was about to do to you in the restaurant's bathroom. "I've already figure out the perfect way for you to repay me, baby girl"

↳Ryuunosuke Akutagawa

Akutagawa had literally zero experience when it came to dating before meeting you, so when he heard the word "Daddy" slip from your mouth, he only got confused.

"What?"

"I said what do you want for dinner, daddy?"

His eyebrows twitched and he looked at you with perplexity in his eyes. "Why... Why would you call me that?"

"Well... What do you think?" You winked at him playfully, finding his reaction cute.

"Is it because I remind you of your dad?" "What? No! Ewe!" "Then why else would you call someone daddy other than your biological father?!"

"You know what just forget it" You shook your head with a soft smile and went back on cutting the onions again, thinking you had a lot of things to teach this charming inexperienced adorable man.

↳Atsushi Nakajima

Drops of blood shot out of his mouth the second he heard you calling him "Daddy". His face turned as red as a tomato, blood rushing to his veins from embarrassment.

"Wha- Why- I- stop messing with me y/n!"

"What?" You giggled as you wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling playfully while giving his neck a small lick. "You don't like it when I call you daddy?" "It's not that I don't like it, it's just that..."

"Awww! Is my daddy being shy?" Shortening the gap between the two of you, you got closer to him until there were only a few inches between your lips. He was still embarrassed, but there was a new feeling growing inside him. A new one that made him impatient when you took your time to tease him.

"Don't be like this, daddy. You like it when I call you that, don't you?"

Yeah, as inappropriate as it was, he would be lying if he said he didn't like it.

"C'mon daddy, show me how much you like it when I call you that"

"You're going to be the death of me y/n" is what he says before slamming his lips on yours.

↳Fyodor Dostoevsky

"I'm sorry that I spilled water on you, Fedya" You said with fake embarrassment, standing in front of your husband who was sitting on the couch. He was a tiny bit irritated, but he didn't want to make a fuss about it.

"It's ok. Be careful next time"

"That's it?" You reply curiously "Aren't you gonna punish me for being distracted, daddy?"

Fyodor's eyebrows rose with surprise, but soon a small smirk found his way to his lips. "Oh? So you did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking abou- Woah!"

He suddenly pulled you on his lap, starring into your eyes as his thumb caressed your bottom lip gently. "You're being naughtier than usual, Myshka. Is that how desperate you are for my attention? To the point that you're willing to ruin my clothes? Maybe you do need to be punished"

Well, that night you definitely did got the attention you were yearning for.

Reblogs are appreciated!

[hsyvers]

WHATCHA GOT THERE? - nakamura kazuha x 6th member!f!reader

SYPNOSIS; you and your girlfriend love cats. and you always joked about getting one. but what happens when you smuggle one back home without her knowledge?

NOTES; this is insanely fluffy...kazuha with cats...giggling and kicking my feet AGH this was actually self-indulgent. based after the icarly "whatcha got there?" "..a smoothie" meme ^_^ also slight reference to that one leniverse ep at the end LMAOOO let's ignore the fact that kazuha is a dog person ok....

you bite your lip when you slowly open the door to yours and kazuha's room, hoping that she isn't there. the small creature in your rain jacket purrs in fond response to your body heat.

you whisper softly to it before you open the door, looking down at your jacket, "shh, you're gonna have to be as quiet as possible, okay? i still don't know if she'll let me keep you or not."

opening the door fully and peeking in, you sneakily step into her room, sighing inaudibly when you see her sleeping form on the bed.

then, all of a sudden, "baby?" a soft voice calls you closer, before you realise you're actively trying to hide something. you quickly take a step back, just in case.

kazuha sits up in bed groggily, rubbing at her eyes, a grin on her face now as she tilts her head, "whatcha got there?"

oh god. curse the fact that she obviously had basic comprehesion and observation skills.

you look down at your coat, that had a small, offputing bump in the middle, "uh, a smoothie?

"what?"

"what?"

kazuha stares at you, confused, though her usual smile still graces her lips as she opens her arms in a hugging gesture. you approach her but you don't accept the hug, making her pout.

"are you okay?"

"me? oh, of course. i'm super fine actually."

"...you're rambling," she mumbles, sneaking another glance to your jacket, "you do that when you're hiding something."

"n-no, i don't," you protest.

"and you stutter whenever you lie," kazuha points out again, "baby, what's wrong?"

"meow."

kazuha's eyebrows furrow.

you facepalm.

kazuha carefully leans her ear closer to your jacket.

"meow?"

her face leans back with a half knowing and half concerned expression.

"baby, why is your jacket meowing?!"

her slightly bewildered tone causes you to bite the inside of your cheek nervously, "promise you won't get mad?"

kazuha's gaze softens even more so as she shakes her head, "since when would i ever be able to stay mad at you?"

"okay, so like," you open your raincoat and your girlfriend gasps when she sees a small black kitten in your hands, "wait, let me explain."

"i was on the way back and it was raining so heavily and i heard meows and you know how much i love cats. so i ran to the source of the sound and the poor thing was wet and hungry so i ran to the nearest convenience store and that's why i'm back so late then i dried her up before coming in and she loves my body heat and it's so cute but-!"

"baby," kazuha whispers, patting her lap, "come here, and breathe, okay?"

you take a deep breath before sitting on her lap, and feeling her arms link around your stomach from behind gives you a sense of comfort immediately.

kazuha seems to realise that you're processing your words still, so she uses her fingers to pet the kitten in your hands. you giggle when the kitten purrs even harder, bumping its head against her hand. then, she presses a kiss to your cheek and lays her head on your back, "are you okay?"

"mhm, thanks," you sigh, nodding, "anyway, i was scared you'll turn her away...and that chaewon will freak out about her."

kazuha hums in acknowledgement of your worries, "don't worry, i already love her."

that sentence makes all the tension in your body dissipate and she feels you melt in her arms, a soft chuckle escaping her lips.

"did anyone else see you come in with her?"

"oh my god, what is that," eunchae mumbles, poking at your stomach only to jump back with wide eyes when she hears a small meow, "why is there a cat IN your stomach?"

"she's not inside, what?" you stiffle a laugh with your hand, shaking your head at her words, "and as for you, why are you awake at 1 am?"

eunchae's mouth opens, then it closes. she thinks for a second before whispering, "i won't tell chaewon about it if you don't tell on me."

"deal," you roll your eyes when she points two fingers to her eyes and then back to you in a "i'm watching you" motion.

"well..? just eunchae...don't worry about it."

"and you do know we will have to tell chaewon sooner or later, right?"

"yeah," you sigh, holding your kitten closer at the thought. kazuha squeezes your hand then pet the cat's head, as though to imply that she won't let anything happen to either of you.

"okay! one more question."

"anything," you say, and you mean it, turning your face to look at her as she pretends to be deep in thought.

"can we name it eric?"

"no, zuha, we are not naming her eric."

[anticanonsposts]

Hi !! could I please request something? :) I don't know if you already wrote something similar - but I was wondering how Konig would be with an f!reader who is short? I'm 4'11 and I'm curious how he would act with a reader as such

once again so sorry that this is so late teehee

cw: nsfw under the cut-mdni, sfw over the cut so interact as much as you want, mentions to reader being short, no mention to sex of the reader, no mention of weight

SFW 

I think he would definitely take a double take at you when he first met you and noticed your height

he would really like that you aren’t scared of him 

he assumed since he literally towered above you that you would want nothing to do with him and only be scared, but it turns out to be quite the opposite 

while you love to wear and steal his clothes I think he would try to steal some of yours at some point

he would squeeze into one of your t-shirts and it would end up just covering his boobs 

YOU were a big fan 

he was just happy to see you laugh 

I also have this weird headcanon that if you were upset with him in public you would go under something that wasn’t very tall

like let’s say he pisses you off at a park, so you go stand under a low hanging tree that he can’t get to but you fit perfectly 

think the reverse of him holding something above your head 

NSFW

ok if this boy was already nervous to have sex with you bc you are you and he really really fucking likes you 

oh my, your height definitely complicates things big time 

he is already worried about hurting you simply because he wants to be gentle with you but given your drastic height difference he would check with you even more during any intimacy 

now that being said

did he really fucking like how big his dick looks in your hands

obviously yes

but he is irreversibly patient with you during warm ups

also as always, I headcanon this man as being a bit more submissive in bed, he’s a switch but usually prefers when his partner is in control 

I think the fact that you are so much smaller than him and have so much control over him during this time gets him off so. Much.

like he lives to be bossed around by his smaller girlfriend 

he wants you to boss him around like a big dumb guard dog 

he loves it even more when you get him begging 

begging someone who he could defo over power but has no interest in doing so 

he is at your complete and total will <3

also you loved that you were right at the height of his boobs/chest bc that means you can just bury your face in them at any time 

[obsessivevoidkitten]

I'm sorry for dumping all this to you, you can not read it, this is not a question but Arrin has been my Roman Empire since Christmas. This is my first time writing just for the sake of it (much less NSFW) so yeah... (you can ignore this)

Ok, so imagine that one day, Darling is feeling really fucking horny. I am not talking about "Arrin's pheromones strikes again", "Usual Needy Darling", or even "Somehow A/B/O exists in this era and Darling got all the omega-ness". I'm talking talking H O R M Y. So you decide to also test out your beloved mate's stamina and see if you can outlast him in bed

It wasn't that bad at the beginning of the day. Arrin wakes up first. Cuddles your sleeping form. Spoons you or if he still has his cock inside you (you were bouncing on him last night and you just slept on top of him), maybe grind into you slowly (soft enough to not wake you up), maybe a kiss or two or ten on the face. When you wake up, one of you cooks breakfast (if you guys won't do some morning fun times before that), and you guys feed each other (mostly him feeding you). Maybe a cuddle before you both leave for the day

At first, you were just nuzzling into him. You cling his arm or torso whenever he's not doing anything and when you guys get some down time, you sit on his lap, nuzzling you face into the crook of his neck while he wraps his arms around you. By the afternoon, you're sucking him off and nibbling his neck. He is now grinding into you but you, for some reason, won't let him get you off. Your clinginess and horny levels are skyrocketing (due to the lack of release), by the end of the day and when you guys are at home, you pounce onto him. Kissing him and begging him to please BREED YOU. You guys go at it for R O U N D S. Arrin is a bit surprised at how eager you are today. You guys always want each other but this is different somehow. After 10+ rounds of you guys cumming, you are still very needy and are now on top of him after doing so many positions. Your stomach now bulging at little bit due to the amount of cum in you that there are puddles on the bed and other areas of the bedroom. Arrin is beginning to be a little bit tired and you are beginning to get overstimulated in a slightly painful way but you still want more.

Despite loving the fucked out expressions on your face and how your chubby tummy bulges due to his cum making you look pregnant (does wonders to his breeding kink fr fr ngl), he is starting to get worried for you but couldn't do anything due to how much you've been pawing at him, whimpering to not stop, begging him to kiss you and mark you, staring at him with that needy doe eyes and how even though you are now laying on his chest on top of him, you are still bouncing on him like his purpose in life is to breed you (maybe it is)

You cum on him for the nth time, your needy dripping hole also milking his cock, filling you up with once again with his cum. You ride out your orgasm which, combined with the feeling of his fresh warm cum inside of you, just makes you cum again on top of him on top of the previous orgasm. Pleasure blinding you that you pass out from it all.

Arrin waits for a minute to collect himself and to check on you (seeing as you sometimes pass out for 30 seconds or go to sleep immediately after your sessions). It's been 3 minutes, he's been tapping your face and you're still limp and not waking up. So he decides to just go to sleep and maybe you'll be fi--

10 minutes later, an entire floor of the local hospital has been destroyed due to the Chief's rampage and was only stopped when you woke up

After all that mess is over, he did not touch you in a sexual way nor did he grant his darling mate's wish for breeding in fear of the same incident happening again. He turned into a fucking celibate monk that was somehow not swayed by his sexy mate's pleas and whines, not even when they're nuzzling into him and pawing at him and giving him that puppy dog eyes. You're the Beggiest Beggar in All of Begdom and he's still not budging. After all, being Chief requires strong will and sacrifice for the greater good and you, my dear, are the greatest good he's ever had and he's not gonna lose you

Well maybe it wouldn't hurt to do it, if that means you're going to stop giving him that sad teary face

You're getting only three rounds and a full body massage though ... You still need to rest

Sorry for that, I just really wanted to write a joke about Darling Reader fainting due to excessive cumming with the very very slightest touch of Cum Overdose and Arrin running to and destroying the hospital in worry... also I want feral Arrin, it can be very hot for a mostly chill and sane man plus or minus a little bit of kidnapping and neck snapping to go feral once in a while especially for our sake

The fact that someone wrote a whole fanfic about my work is extremely flattering.

Also if anyone else wants to write something like this, everyone is free to use my OCs and post their work as long as they note that it's fanfiction and link to the original fic or to my blog.