#I'm a little salty about how this game is being called

[potionwine]

Thinking about Margrace as Joshua's name post-Phoenix Gate.

Mar-grace.

In FFXVI the Undying choose their own names (Cyril explains this in-game), and many of them have names drawn from Final Fantasy XII, including their leader 'Margrace' himself, from Al-Cid Margrace. The page for Al-Cid notes that Margrace is likely an alternate form of the title 'margrave', an old title for military commanders on the border.

That aside. This is the name chosen (by the boy himself?) for the boy who should have rightfully been known henceforth as 'Your Grace', 'His Grace'.

Grace (style of address), from the Oxford English Dictionary:

With a possessive adjective: a title of respect, esp. for a person of royal or noble rank. Frequently (in 'your Grace') as a form of address. Now archaic or historical. Formerly (in England until the reign of Henry VIII and in Scotland until 1707) used for a monarch or prince; now replaced by Majesty or Highness. Even so, "Majesty" for the sovereign of England was not used exclusively; it arbitrarily alternated with both "Highness" and "Grace", even in official documents, until "Majesty" finally became the official style to the exclusion of others (source).

Grace (other meanings):

1. Divine favour, benevolence, or providence bringing about worldly benefit or advantage. 2. A person's lot, destiny, or fate; luck, fortune. 3. The quality of being pleasing; attractiveness, charm; esp. (in later use) refined elegance of manner, expression, form, or movement, esp. regarded as natural or effortless; gracefulness.

Whatever the etymology of margrave, the name Margrace in-game is probably meant to call to mind the meaning of 'mar' as in damaged, spoiled, ruined. All the grace that ever belonged to his family, his home, his birthright—marred, of course.

Mar+Grace, the last heir of the oldest unbroken ruling dynasty in the Twins at the time of the opening events of the game**.

The living ghost, carrying the desecrated corpse of his legacy in his new name. Introducing himself by his humiliation: "Hello, I am Margrace", "Hello, I am the ruined dignity of my house." "Call me Margrace", "Call me the wreckage of one fallen from divine favour." "My name is Margrace", "My name is blemished fortunes and diminished nobility".

It's appropriately brutal and dramatic for such a character, especially since the game is frustratingly silent on how Joshua personally feels about the loss of his duchy which is a rant for next time.

**Footnotes:

In the Year 860 (Prologue year/Phoenix Gate), Rosaria is about 260 years old (est. Y600). Older, if you count from the time of the Rose Alliance (est. Y550). The Rosfields have been on the Rosarian throne since the inception of the duchy in Y600, and prior to that House Rosfield was already known to be the chief of/the preeminent house of the Seven High Houses that united to found the duchy. House Rosfield has held ruling power for 260-310 years at a minimum.

For reference, England's longest-reigning dynasty was the Plantagenets, who held on for 300+ years. Rosfields aren't doing half bad!

Veldemarke would have been older had it not been overthrown by Barnabas; therefore Waloed is the youngest nation state at the time of the prologue (only 17 years old). Also we do not know much about the governance of Veldemarke, although as a 'kingdom' it was likely some type of monarchy.

Sanbreque was formed 100 years after Rosaria, and at any rate is not actually a hereditary monarchy. The Holy Emperor is voted into office by his fellow Cardinals, likely the five who form the Council of Elders. We are also explicitly told that Sylvestre 'won his throne' in 865; there is no indication either way that his predecessor emperor was a Lesage. The wording suggests the throne is not Sylvestre's by lineage or birthright. How this is supposed to relate to the concept of Sanbreque having a 'crown prince' (Dion) is unclear and contradictory, since an emperor by election should probably not have the authority to unilaterally decide on the succession of the throne, and his issue—legitimate or no—should not automatically be in the line of succession.

Dhalmekia is a republic with elected officials.

The Iron Kingdom apparently has a royal family, but nothing else is known apart from it being impotent and sidelined by their state religion.

The Northern Tribes likely do have hereditary rule, and Jill is referred to as a princess, but once again little is known.

Ergo—and I am ceaseless in this propaganda—Clive and Joshua are really, properly posh! Absolutely baffling that Anabella would allow anyone to put down the pedigree of her sons when they are so blue-blooded precisely because she is! For someone with such entrenched ideas of blood purity she should not stand for it, no matter how she feels about her eldest.

[lampochkaart]

Kokichi is asexual and you can't change my mind (and Kaito is an ace too 'cause i said so)

Here is why i think that way

Disclaimer! This post is not created to judge or shame anyone. I created it to explain why i think about them in that way and maybe try to make this headcanon to be more popular. I might sound kinda salty at times here but in general I don't mean to hurt anybody.

It kinda confuses me why so often Kokichi portrayed a little bit too intrested in making sexual comments and jokes. I probably shouldn't be surprised, because I know that we live in a sex obsessed world. I'm kinda used to it at this point. But I think people kinda exaggerate it.

In actual game he doesn't make sexual comments and jokes THAT often and 90% of the time they are directed at Miu who is the MAIN sourse of them in game. I even think that he would not say so many of those things if Miu wouldn't be starting it first.

He even get's confused for a second when Gonta tells him he couldn't catch Miu for Insect Meet and Greet because his "face got hot".

And in bonus mode Dangan Salmon Team he isn't particularly intrested in that either. In most cases when the player chooses sexual option even though the game states that it was a good option Kokichi will often just change the coversation to a different topic. Yeah, they had fun, but they didn't really talk that much about initial chosen option.

"Let's read a dirty book."

"How about joining my organization instead?" *starts rambling about his organization*

And yes, I REFUSE to call this protag Shuichi. This is NOT my favorite protagonist. He would not fucking say this.

Look how they massacred my boy *cries*

One thing Kokichi also does very often is being sarcastic. I really like this scene. But surprisingly I've seen people taking his excitement as genuine and was like ??? How? Have you gone so crazy after you've seen his first phrase that you blacked out and missed part when he went "nope :)". He literally was like "Is that what you wanted me to say? You wish😊🖕"

I also like how sometimes when the protagonist say something sexual Ouma redirects topic from himself. And he often suggests Tenko as alternative. For a long time I couldn't understand why it was her specifically. And then I realised. It's because Tenko will beat up any man who says something like that to her. He literally indirectly tells player to fuck off.

I can't belive how often those moments are overlooked.

I think that's all my main points regarding Kokichi. Everything else is not very convincing and can be dismissed. But I just want to point out that his color palette basically resembles asexual flag, because I think that's a neat detail.

Now Kaito. I'm gonna be honest. The main reason I headcanon him as ace is because I headcanon all my favorite characters as asexual. But there is a reason I fully accepted him as ace.

The scene in Talent Development Plan where he's discussing "man's passion" with Leon and Teruteru. While they were talking about girls it turned out Kaito this whole time was talking about chasing passion in more philosophical sense. And by exploring "unknown worlds" he probably meant space (they really should've seen that coming).

That's pretty much it. I just saw 1 (one) reason to make it canon for me and immediatly jumped on it.

I think that's it for both of them. They're not the only characters i headcanon to be on the ace spectrum (and i also have some on the aro spectrum too!) but they're the ones I think about the most, so I thought I'd explain it.

[eufezco]

Could you do a Finnick x reader with the troupe rivals to lovers pls

—I know that you didn't want to be part of this alliance, but hey, lucky us. I get to see your pretty face for as long as I have left to live and you have made new friends. We all win.

—You're not my friends.

You had lost those people that Finnick called friends a while ago and now it was you and him walking lost in the jungle.

Finnick chuckled. —Right, yeah, your only friend here died within minutes of stepping onto the Cornucopia. Who would think of going for the same weapons as the professionals? Did your mentor teach you nothing?

—She taught me the difference between an alliance and a friendship.

You stopped walking and turned around to face him, the end of your machete pointing at his neck and brushing against his Adam's apple. Finnick kept the smile on his lips because he knew you wouldn't do it. They said that barking dogs seldom bite. Oh, but he knew you did bite just not to him.

—If I agreed to this alliance it was because I believed it was best for him, but now he is dead and I have made promises. I don't need any of you to win these games again but I do believe in what that girl from District 12 represents.

You thought about lowering your weapon but it got on your nerves the way Finnick was staring at your lips as you spoke, with his own parted and nodding at everything you said even though he had stopped listening to you a while ago. Did Finnick think you were not noticing? No, it couldn't be that. He knew perfectly well that you were noticing because he wasn't even bothering to hide it. He just wanted you to bring it up so he could shoot his shot.

—When it's just the seven of us, things will be very different and I'm pretty sure I won't be the first to die but I will have no problem being the first to attack. —Standing face to face with Finnick and with his eyes on your mouth... It was almost impossible not to notice his lips as well but unlike him, you tried to hide it as best you could, going from looking at his lips to his eyes and back again.

Finnick's lips curved up into a smile. —Oh, you wanna kiss me so bad.

You swallowed nervously. Your head was high, a sign that you were not going to please him and tell him he was right. —I just told you that I would kill you if I had to, what makes you think I want to kiss you?

—Because I can see you looking at my lips the same way I'm looking at yours. —Finnick said as he came closer to you. You slowly lowered your weapon, his body towering over yours as he ran his tongue over his lips, leaving them a little wet and making them look even more desirable than before.

You were both waiting; Finnick held your chin between his thumb and index finger, expecting you to move away or kill him on the spot. You were waiting for him to kiss you already. Your eyes were squinted, ready for when he decided to put his lips on yours, but you could still see him smiling proudly.

Finnick leaned in and pressed his lips against yours. Finnick's hand remained on your chin for the few seconds that your lips were connected, yours were still holding your machete, still pretending to be defensive about his actions thanks to how vulnerable Finnick was making you feel with just a kiss.

—Your lips are sweeter than what comes out of them when you open your mouth.

You rolled your eyes at him and turned around to keep walking. You took advantage of the fact that he could no longer see your face to run your tongue over your lips and enjoy what was left of him. You used your machete to cut the vines that got in your way, stomping to avoid your feet getting stuck in the ones on the ground.

—And you are sweeter than your lips, Finnick Odair. You taste salty.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Wasted Love {Part II}

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warning: Language, High Angst

Words: 6.3k

Summary: Nope.

Note: Posted the first part of this months back and finally getting around to part 2. I hope you like it. Look out for the final part.

As always, thank you for reading. I appreciate it!

As you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!! ❤️❤️

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

Previous: Wasted Time |

-Lewis-

"For fuck's sake!” He threw the controller across the room.  When it collided with the floor it shattered sending pieces everywhere. "Woah. Woah! What the hell?!” Andrew, Miles, and Daniel all looked at him with varying expressions of confusion, shock, and concern. "Yo, what the fuck is your problem? It’s just an L in MK," Andrew said. He sighed then rubbed his face, pressing a little harder than necessary. "Like we can go again, and I'll let you win if it's that serious," Miles said. He sighed again, his head miles, leaps, and bounds away from the video game, the living room, or his friends. His mind was still in that penthouse suite with you standing in front of him as you argued going back and forth both pushing and neither relenting even a little. His head was still there picking apart every word, every expression, every shuddered breath, every pupil dilation. "Yo, Lewis," Daniel called bringing his attention back to them. "Nah, this can't be about the game. Even you're not that petty," Miles said putting his controller down. "What's up?" He rolled his head around cracking each joint in his neck and shoulders. He hadn't realized until now how wound up he'd been over the last 2 and a half weeks. He also hadn’t realized how steadily his anger and frustrations were climbing too. What was him being in disbelief for the first few days after the confrontation turned into anger then annoyance. Right now he was festering and stewing in all three. He couldn’t believe that after everything you'd been through, everything you'd shared, the lengthy conversations, the trips to and from each of your homes, the late-night phone and video calls that lasted for hours and hours, the dates, the trips, the interactions with his family and him yours, all of it, you were here.

While he had thought you were building and strengthening and growing toward each other despite his insane schedule and lack of free time, that wasn't the case at all. If you had then there was no way you could have said the shit you did or believed he would do some shit like that. "Dude," Andrew began. "It's nothing," he lied. "Bullshit. It's not racing that's been going good, it's not the other hustles either. What, is it Y/N?" His entire body tensed at the mention of your name. That was different. Before, your name brought him peace, a smile and so much more. "Bingo. What is it? Haven't seen her in a few weeks, she too busy for your ass and you salty for it?" He was used to Daniel’s teasing, and usually, he would laugh it up and allow them to bust his chops, but right now Daniel was rubbing on a sensitive topic. Before he realized it he'd kissed his teeth. That action made all three of them perk up. "What's wrong?" "We're done," he blurted out as if the words were acrid acid on his tongue. They were quiet for a few moments, then Miles broke it. "Done? Fuck outta here. You're lying." "I'm for real,” he replied with a touch of exasperation in his voice. "What? What happened?" He sighed again then told them the whole story not leaving out anything. He wanted to hear their thoughts mainly because he felt they would take his side. As he went through the whole thing again he had to admit to himself that there were some things he shouldn't have said, things that he recognized fueled your ruthlessness, things he now regretted. When he'd said his piece he waited for them to tune in, however, a good minute passed before any of them said a word. They just exchanged looks as if speaking nonverbally and trying to come to a consensus. "She fucked up right." Daniel made a face. "IIIIIIII mean," he stretched out in that high-pitched tone that said even more.

"Hold on,” Andrew interrupted, “Has something changed? I thought you were all about her these last months. I thought since she finally gave you the time you were being real.”

“I was—am—was. Shit.”

“You slipped up?”

“No! It was nothing, it was work.”

They all gave him the look as if he was full of shit. Kissing his teeth again he rolled his eyes. “I’m telling the truth. It was work, nothing more. Hell I even told them that when they tried to tag team off each other to spit game. I told them I was seeing someone, and it was getting serious, and I wasn’t bout that life anymore.”

“That’s what I thought,” Miles said.

“I didn’t even know she was there. She showed me some fucked picture and she ran with that shit.”

“What picture?”

He opened his messages, found the picture then showed it to them. You’d sent it to him a few hours after you’d left when he texted you that, “You were fucking things up”, your reply was the picture and a simple reply, “Naw bruh you did that shit all on your own. Own it!” It was the last message you’d sent him. It was now almost 3 weeks later, and you were still radio silent.

“Woah, yeah. That looks bad,” Andrew spat out.

Daniel took his phone and studied the picture closer. “Is she kissing your neck?”

“No.”

Miles now snatched the phone and studied it. “And her hand--.”

“No. Nothing happened. The wild shit is this was a backroom photoshoot for the brand. We were posing for the designer for their social marketing.”

“Does she know that?”

“I don’t know. I shit you not, she blew in like a hurricane and within 10 minutes she was gone. She didn’t let me explain. Nothing. Someone sent her that picture.”

“Someone wanted to start shit and she took the bait.”

“9 months. 9 fucking months I’ve been bending backward trying to erase my past for her. 9 months I’ve been putting in wild effort to show her, prove to her I’m not the same dude I used to be, 9 months I’ve been going hard trying to show her what she meant to me and that I’m not fucking around when it comes to her, but 10 minutes and it all blew the fuck up. Now I’m angry, what the fuck was I doing this whole time? Why?”

They didn’t bother replying because there was nothing else to say. They knew everything he was saying was true. He’d cut out all the extra shit months ago because he wanted to get closer to you. He’d decided to be the committing type and he was happy to do it, happy to show you he was more than his reputation. He’d turned on plenty of trips, parties, and things of the kind with his boys because it would have backfired. He’d worked hard to earn your trust but in truth, he hadn’t earned anything. You still saw him as he used to be. And that was the hard pill for him to swallow.

~~~~~~~

-1 Week Later-

“Uncle Lewis let’s go in the pool.”

Snapping out of it, he smiled at his niece then nodded. “Of course princess, let’s go.”

He walked to the edge of the pool and stood beside her. As they prepared his nephew approached and began doing the same thing. As they counted down from three he jumped at 2.

“Aw, Uncle Lewis you cheated!”

He shrugged and watched them leap into the water creating massive miniature splashes of the one he’d just created. When they emerged they came after him trying to attack him like little baby sharks. Each of their attempts was blocked and turned around on them. When one failed he grabbed the other and tossed them across the pool then did the same for the other. Soon there was almost just as much water outside the pool as there was inside.

By the time he got out of the pool the sun was setting and he was exhausted. Dropping himself into one of the lounge chairs, he sighed and allowed himself to relax. However, relaxation wasn’t in the cards for him. Though the activity from before worked to distract him from his heavy thoughts, now with the absence of said activity it all came flooding back. With an exasperated grunt, he grabbed his phone off of the side table and then went to his socials.

As he aimlessly scrolled through the posts he liked a few and kept swiping. Some of the posts he registered others he didn’t. Within a few short minutes, he somehow found himself on yours. He didn’t even notice until he was staring at one of your recent posts, a picture of yourself staring deeply into the camera. It looked like something shot for a brand or a photoshoot rather than a natural selfie.

For several moments all he thought of was how fucking gorgeous you were. The saying ‘the eyes are the windows to the soul’ rang true for you because every time he gazed into them he was always pulled into their depths to drown in their beauty. Fuck, he missed you he thought to himself. On the 4th post he’d landed on he sighed seeing you laughing uncontrollably with your best friend. You looked like you hadn’t a care in the world; like you were blissfully happy. The thought hit him then that you looked like you didn’t miss him one bit.

Acknowledging that made his heart thud painfully then his annoyance was back. It was just like you to leave him to fall apart while you escaped with carefreeness. He’d always suspected that he felt more for you than you felt for him. He guessed that this was his proof. He tapped the tag in the photo of your best friend and found even more videos and pictures of you. The backdrop said you were either on an island or some European seaside town and you were enjoying yourself. He pressed his finger to the screen, freezing the video on your smiling face. Drinking wasn’t really his thing, but fuck did he want a drink or three right now.

“You’re messing yourself up.”

Snapping his head up, he found his mother sitting beside him.

“Mum.”

“Not only are you messing yourself up with everything you’re keeping in but you’re trying to use everything you possibly can as an escape, case in point this last-minute trip,” she finished.

“Mum, it’s not like--.”

“And according to Miles and Daniel, you’re spiraling inside, and it’s not a little.”

“I’m fine, mum, I promise,” he half lied placing his phone on the side table face up.

“You’re not. How could you be fine? The first woman you’ve allowed yourself to fall in love with in years has done a flip and turn because of your actions.”

His brow rose, “What?”

“Acceptance of one’s actions is important, Lewis. I have always taught you that.”

“Naw. Nope, I didn’t do this. I didn’t make this happen. She is a distrustful person.” He sat up straighter then, “I worked my butt off to show her she could trust me, to show her that I wanted her and only her.”

His mother shook her head about that. “If you’re still doing the things you know are triggers for her, how are you proving anything?”

He looked at her incredulously. He knew she liked you a lot and had grown closer to you over the past months, but he didn’t know when she’d completely jumped on your ship while abandoning his.

“Mum, I can’t control half the things she thinks,” he pleaded.

“The pictures Lewis. The pictures and your choice of words.”

He sighed then because he knew that she’d talked to you already. He was tempted to ask his mother for the play-by-play, but he decided against it knowing she probably wouldn’t go for it.

“It was innocent. It was work.”

“Did you tell her that? You know someone sent her those pictures? Someone wanted to start problems and it was too easy because you helped them along.”

“I tried to tell her, but she basically called me a liar. She looked me in my eyes and decided not to believe me. Plus it’s a lot more than she ever afforded me. She’s photographed with a lot of guys all the time; some work, some not, she doesn’t explain any of it to me, yet I trust her enough to believe it’s not something wild or disrespectful. Yet when it comes to me, I’m automatically the knob.”

“Lewis,” she warned.

He raised his hand, sighed out then leaned back in the chair.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry.”

They sat in silence for a few moments before he continued. “She treats me like an option mum--a bloody option. This whole year, the 9 we’ve been together and the 3 it took to claim her, I’ve treated her like my only choice.”

The truth to those words was a truth he’d buried deep. His mother reached over and took his hand.

“Sweetie,” she began.

He knew what was coming, knew she was either going to defend you or try to soothe the pain he felt. He didn’t want either.

“She acts like I never said the words.”

Another truth he’d buried. “I said them, I meant them and she--she never said them back, never even acknowledged them.”

That night was still fresh in his mind. The night when his body and heart felt matched perfectly, it was the night he’d said the words he’d felt for weeks and weeks before. He’d stared deeply into your eyes and said them. ‘I love you.’ He’d meant them. He didn’t know he could still truly feel that way about anyone or feel enough to say the words. You’d proven him wrong, and he was cut up because of it.

 “Lewis, I’m thrilled that you’ve finally found someone that you want in your life for more than a few months. It makes me so happy that you have found someone to love. She is a wonderful woman, but, who cares what she does? If this is how you feel how you truly feel, if she is who you choose and wholeheartedly want beside you then you are supposed to be with it be about her no matter what.”

“Seriously!? No.”

“That my love, is the difference between a boy and a grown man. A grown man is one hundred percent true to what’s in here,” she reached over then pat his chest just over his heart. “He is about it, and nothing changes it because it does not matter.”

“How—H--how do I do that? How in the world do I put myself out there--,” he voiced before she cut him off.

“--And invite her to break your heart? Is she worth the risk?”

He didn’t want to open his mouth to even answer this. If you weren’t worth it, he wouldn’t have spent so much time perusing you. He never would have made so much of an effort to include you in his world and life, he wouldn’t have waited 6 fucking months to sleep with you so both of you were sure where your hearts were, he wouldn’t have ever told you he loved you. Of course, you were worth it but the memory of the look in your eyes as you spoke to him, the last thing you’d said to him held part of him back.

“I have always been and will always be that bitch with or without you.”

That coupled with the way you looked at him just before the elevator doors closed held him back.

“Lewis!”

“I—I don’t—I don’t know anymore.”

He rubbed his forehead. “I thought I knew, thought I was so sure, I was sure, but--I don’t.”

This was fucked, he thought as he felt his mother’s eyes boring into him. When she stood she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him as she did when he was a child after a spill. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out while he relished this comforting embrace.  It was in his mother’s loving and judgment-free arms he finally broke letting it all go.

Hours seemed to pass this way, or perhaps it had been just mere minutes. When his sister approached he felt heaps better but his heart was still heavy. A notification from his phone drew his attention as his sister sat on the floor before him. As he checked it, his sister gave her best attempt at a pep talk. Some words he caught others he missed but the sentiment was sometimes time helped people see the error of their ways and come up with ways to fix the errors. He didn’t know if she meant his errors or yours.

He went into his socials DMs and found a message from your best friend. After hesitating for a few moments he tapped into it and found a video. It took him to a recent video that was only available to her close friends. Your face came into view, and he instantly noticed the tears on your cheeks. You held your hand up to block the camera view, but the angle only changed.

“When bestie is tired of frontin' for the gram with the having the time of my life posts and allows herself to be sad and you gotta cheer her up,” your best friend said.

“Stop. You can’t record me like this. I’m not sad,” you protested.

“No?”

You were quiet for a few seconds. “No.”

Your voice was clouded as if your throat was tight words struggled to make it through. “Not sad—really, really sad,” you said voice a sobbing whine.

Fuck, he thought. He hated seeing you cry.

“What—what do I—do I do now?”

“Allow yourself to feel it,” your friend suggested.

You sobbed some more, and he watched your friend hug you before the video ended. So many things flew through his mind but the two things that kept coming around. The first was how much he missed you.

The second, you were worth it.

~~~~~~

-Y/N-

Everyone said that the first month of a breakup was always the hardest and those words were proving true. Since those elevator doors had closed you’d done everything to keep yourself moving. You piled on work to make sure you had no free time to sit and think. However, that didn’t quite work because wherever you went, something reminded you of him. Either it was a café or a location you went to for a shoot, or even something you ate. You nearly threw yourself into the ocean when one of the set interns brought you a glass of Almave.

When work didn’t prove successful, you picked yourself and your friends up for a girls’ trip to a faraway island. You drank, partied, and posted it all on your socials hoping you could fake it till you made it, but the faking became too much. By nightfall every night, you wallowed with a bottle or two of wine.

While you were beyond pissed at Lewis you also knew that picture was sent to you on purpose. You weren’t an idiot and had dealt with plenty of conniving, duplicitous bitches in your days. You knew someone was trying to fuck with you and start shit and you were giving them what they wanted. That didn’t matter because none of that changed the content of the photo.

Every time you came back to that no matter how much of your anger had dissipated, it all came back with that one nugget of fact. It was straight-up disrespect. If the tables had been turned and it was you, Lewis would have made a huge fuss over it by being extra petty. You refused to believe you were in the wrong, but several bits of your interaction tried to come through to show you had been in the wrong for a few things.

You were a passionate person and usually when arguing that passion shines through and oftentimes you get reckless at the mouth not caring how your words are thrown together or the force of those words. You knew you fought dirty; it was the only way you knew how. You blamed it on the years of living a single and independent life after one of the worst breakups of your life. It had caused more damage than good. You’d had no one to answer to, no one to consider or consult and you oftentimes still lived there in your head. It was a major switch to flip and a switch you failed, more times than you liked to admit, to flip.

You knew that night you’d said whatever came to mind and didn’t care if the words hurt. In fact, you said some things to cause pain and that was the source of your regret. Lewis had often told you throughout your 9-month relationship that your mouth would get you in trouble in more ways than one. He’d warned you about your recklessness and told you he wouldn’t stand for it because if he really wanted he could get just as reckless as you.

That was one of the things you loved about him. He wasn’t afraid to call you out on your bullshit and put you in your place when you got into your bad girlfriend mode.

Sighing, you raised the glass of wine to your lips and guzzled until it was empty. Your eyes fell to the now empty wine bottle, and you debated with yourself over getting another. It was the 2nd bottle of the night, and you knew if you got a 3rd you’d have entered lush territory, but you didn’t care enough to resist. So you slinked across the kitchen to the wine fridge and grabbed another bottle of wine, but before you closed it you grabbed one more just in case.

After you’d popped the cork and filled your glass to the brim your phone went off with a security notification. Checking the application, you reviewed the notice of someone entering your code into your security gate.

“What the hell?”

Another notification came in informing you a car was pulling up the drive. You went over the registered movements watching the videos to figure out if you had a security breach or if someone was just showing up unannounced. On the 3rd video, you realized who it was.

“No fucking way.”

You walked out of the kitchen, through your home, and to your front door. Before you got there, the bell rang. Once you turned the corner you saw who it was through the intricately decorated glass doors. Lewis Hamilton. Neither of you moved. You stood there staring at each other. You couldn’t read the expression in his brown eyes, but you could read the dark circles underneath them and his lackluster complexion. He looked slightly sick but also indifferent. You couldn’t help but wonder if he was having as hard a time as you were. You’d purposely stayed off his and his friends' accounts to avoid any excessive thoughts of him.

Lewis didn’t move a muscle, he patiently waited for you to make your move. It was a move you didn’t know how to make. You’d be a liar if you said you hadn’t wanted him to run after you and fight some more, but you also didn’t want to see him again. So one hand itched to grab the knob and open the door for him but the other hand wanted to override the security system and shutter down your house.

You closed your eyes and took several deep breaths giving your body control to see which side won. When your hand wrapped around the knob you wanted to break it. Once you opened the door, you snapped your eyes open.

“What the hell are you doing here? How did you get past my gate?”

Lewis scoffed and slightly shook his head before speaking, “Let me in, Y/N.”

You scrunched your face and doubled down on your annoyance. “What? Not a chance in hell. Answer me. How?”

When your best friend's name came out of his mouth your eyes bugged. There was no way.

“Bullshit! There is no way my best friend would give you my security code for my gate without letting me know. There is no way!”

He looked unamused now.

“Yet she did.”

You studied him still shocked.

“Let me in.”

“No. Why would I do that? We have nothing to talk about.”

“I think we have a lot to talk about.”

You scoffed. “Five weeks too late. Anything I had to say was said already. We’ve both said enough. You should go 44.”

Lewis took a sharp breath in and released it. As it came out it sounded like a hiss. “Oh boy. Y/N, stop talking! For real just stop—fucking talking and let me in!”

“What the fuck?! Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Do I fucking look like one of your side bitches, or your groupies?!”

From the heat rushing through you, you could tell that your anger was beginning to really boil now. With quick moves, Lewis moved from his side of the door to close the space between you. Before you knew it, he had one of his hands cupping your skull and his lips pressed to yours. Like magic as if on command you stopped moving and any thought of protest faded, hell any thought at all faded.

Lewis’ lips moved against yours in a way you’d found yourself missing the last five weeks. He kissed you like a starved man, like a man who’d come back to claim what was his and your body reacted in the only way it had ever reacted—eager acceptance.

A small whimper escaped you and that was when Lewis backed off. You kept your eyes closed relishing the feelings that had now bubbled up within you, feelings you’d been working overtime to suppress and ignore. One kiss was all it took for the geyser to erupt.

“You talk to fucking much for your own good,” Lewis whispered.

You could feel the whisps of his breath against your face and picked up the scent of mint, and some form of berry. You tried to control your breathing so he wouldn’t see how much he still affected you. Opening your eyes, you peered into his glossy doe ones.

“You’ve said more than enough. I still have shit to say. So listen.”

Lewis then squeezed your hip bringing you back to the present. It was then you realized your body was pressed to his and his hand was gripping you holding you against him controlling your body like he always did. Shit, you thought. You loved when he took control, loved how he always knew how to shut you up when you got into one of your what he would call Y/N fits. Lewis squeezed your hip once more while biting his bottom lip and you wanted to knee him in the balls because of how easy it still was for him to turn you on.

As if he knew it too, Lewis released you as quickly as he’d grabbed you and walked into your house. A shiver rushed through you making you shudder. Asshole, you thought while you closed and locked your door. When turned around he was standing there waiting for you. Rolling your eyes, you led the way back to the kitchen. Once there you grabbed your glass and finished it.

“Speak.”

Lewis scoffed. “Don’t test me, Y/N.”

Clenching your jaw you refilled your glass then watched him with slightly narrowed eyes. You were not going to make any of this easy for him.

“I’m tired of these subs you keep throwing my way. So fucking tired of it. It’s like you enjoy being cold and evil to me and that’s not even cool. I’ve never taken joy in being cold to you.”

Shaking your head you took another sip from your glass.

“I’ve known you for years. Yeah, it wasn’t like we were in the same friend group, but we were cordial. I’ve wanted you the entire time I’ve known you. Yeah, yeah, I was messing with other women throughout that time.”

“Messing? Just say fucking. Call a spade a spade and move the fuck on,” you blurted out.

“Again, stop talking!”

His voice bounced around the kitchen, but you didn’t feel fear. You’d never feared him. You knew he wasn’t one of those men who hit women. That had never and would never be him. Narrowing your eyes, you took a large gulp of your wine, your conflicting feelings wreaking havoc on you.

“You act like you don’t have a past or even things from your past you’re ashamed of. Shit Y/N! I’ve told you I am not that man anymore, I’ve changed.”

“I don’t believe you.”

The silence stretched and you kept your eyes on him. He looked hurt but also frustrated. “I get that, and I’ve been killing myself by doing what I can to prove it to you, to show you I deserve your time.”

Shaking your head you scoffed. “You don’t have to prove shit else, Lewis. I have all the proof I need; I saw it all in that picture!”

“The picture was bullshit. Tell me you don’t get someone is fucking with you.”

“Again why do they want to do that Lewis? Huh! Is it because of your thot ass!”

“Oh my god, here we go again! Stop throwing my past in my face. I’ve owned it and have walked away from it. That picture was bullshit. I was working. What that picture doesn’t show--.”

You grabbed the wine bottle and began walking away. “I don’t give a shit anymore!”

Lewis’ hand wrapped around your wrist stopping your movement. “It was a photoshoot, Y/N. Someone took a picture of an impromptu photoshoot and sent it to you out of context.”

You scanned his eyes for any sign of a lie.

“You’re lying.”

“I have never lied to you. I swear it. You can even go to the brand owner and find out, it’s easy to do.”

You couldn’t believe that. “You’re lying Lewis.”

“I’m not. I told you I would never do some shit like that to you.”

You kept scanning his eyes unable to wrap your head around what he was saying. He had to be lying. Right?

“Look--,” he began dropping his hand and releasing you. With a sigh, he continued, “I came here to give you this.”

He then pulled something from his back pocket and held it out to you. The large brown envelope in his hand looked like doom in the form of an office supply.

“This is the last goddamn time I’m going to have you throw my past in my face. The last fucking time, Y/N. It’s not fair and I shouldn’t have to explain shit to you because this was before you and has nothing to do with us, here or now, but for some fucking reason I feel like I have to, and it irks the shit out of me especially since you don’t give me the same courtesy.”

His words felt like dull blades whipping against your skin. That flared your anger.

“You don’t have to explain shit to me.”

“Shut up!”

That was it. Though you liked it when he stood up to you, you hated feeling this backed into a corner, especially with the truths he’d just dropped.

“Listen, you’re not gonna be--.”

That was all you got out before Lewis’ lips were pressed to yours once again and again everything stopped. His lips manipulated you making you slump back against the wall you hadn’t realized you were pressed to. Lewis’ large hand squeezed your hip once again and you’d never wanted to strip someone more than him right now. When he pulled his lips from yours he kept his forehead to yours.

“You’ve never fucked with a guy like me. I told you that 9 months ago and it’s still true. I’m not going to just let you talk to me any old way. Those other fools were weak as fuck. I’m not weak. I can handle your ass,” Lewis said.

He didn’t need to say shit else because you were now turned the fuck on. Your eyes locked and it took everything in you to remain composed though his lips looked more and more tempting with each passing second.

“Are you listening now?”

You had no words.

“I’m done with that life. It’s boring, it’s old and to be honest it weighs me the fuck down. I want you and it goes past sex, it goes past claiming you or getting a notch, or even letting the world know I got you. None of that matters to me, it never has. I want you. I want Y/N. I’ve been real this entire time.”

Again he pushed out the envelope to you.

“After I give you this it’s all in your hands, your court, your decision. I’ll chase you but I’ll only chase you so far. This is how far.”

Your eyes dropped to the envelope between your bodies, but you didn’t reach for it. You couldn’t. You were actually scared of it and what it may hold. Glancing back at him, you studied his face.

“Your decision, make it. If it’s not me then cool. No hard feelings, we’re still friends and I’ll wish you nothing but the best but,” Lewis paused then cupped your chin as he pressed himself against you more. With his face mere centimeters from yours, he finished, “My lips will not touch yours until you come to me for it.”

Holy shit, you thought to yourself.

“Our next kiss if it’s in the cards will be done by you, not me.”

From the look in his eyes, you could tell he was serious. You could tell he meant this with everything. He was done chasing you, done giving and giving only to have you keep him at a distance. Fuckity, fuck, you thought.

“Are you gonna take it?”

You wanted to shake your head, but you couldn’t move. It was like he was the headlights, and you were the deer. You recognized the fear you felt. You knew it was do or die and you knew this was the moment of truth for your relationship. With what he’d told you about the picture being a set up you were more confused than ever. Rightfully, he shouldn’t even be here right now, not after your conversation before and how it all went down. He was still here trying to get you back.

You slowly took the envelope with a shaky hand, the only tell of your fear. Lewis slowly backed away from you while keeping his eyes on yours. When he was a few feet away he turned and began walking out of the kitchen.

“So that’s it?”

Lewis stopped then looked back at you. His expression was different now. You could tell how hurt he was now, how much you’d hurt him.

“You tell me, Y/N.”

You didn’t know what to tell him, so you didn’t say anything. Lewis nodded, the disappointment filling his eyes before he turned from you and walked away. You stood there listening to him walk through your house, his footsteps getting further and further away. When you heard the door close you released breath you didn’t know you were holding. The notification sounds from your phone told you that he’d driven down the drive and left the property.

It was then you put the envelope on the kitchen counter and took several deep breaths trying to calm yourself. No matter how many breathing exercises you did you still couldn’t calm down. Your mind raced replaying the conversation, dissecting every move, word, and glance, and analyzing it against every other conversation over the last 9 months. When your legs gave way from the weight of it all, you dropped to the floor. One question kept screaming in your head.

Had it all truly been wasted love or was there still hope?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[genericpuff]

the last few episodes of persephone moping around have felt like less of a self-reflective moment for her to grow and change and more rachel griping about criticism and surrounding herself with yes men

this isn't gonna be in any way a formal essay like my usual sort, more of a slam post honestly, so fair warning that i'm gonna be a little salty here

EPISODE 263 SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

but seriously, it's been a pity party of greek proportions because this constant "woe is me" shit with persephone that's constantly met with "no queeen you're amazing and perfect" has been going on for DAYS (real time and comic time)

literally every episode since the comic returned has had some segment of either persephone or hades (or both) being upsetti spaghetti over their current situation because oh nooo persephone made the deal with erebus and had to sacrifice something. even though they both knew that was gonna happen and yet she did it anyways. so she just continues to lock herself away in her mansion and spout adorkable quips while her husband, mother, and colleagues deal with the mess she caused.

and of course there's the constant inclusion of apollo spitting straight facts about persephone being a terrible queen and person, but of course because it's apollo saying it, it's not meant to be taken as gospel, essentially clapping back at the words of the critics who call out persephone for being a shitty and toxic protagonist by putting those words into the mouth of a literal rapist.

and yeah episode 263 had a lot of the same shit, to the point that you could literally swap out the names of the characters and the words they were speaking and it applies exactly to rachel and the corner she put herself in u.u it's been a thing for a while now that apollo has just felt like a mouthpiece for LO criticism but as mentioned by users within the subreddit during the discussion of this newest episode, it's never felt more apparent than now.

so yeah enjoy this satirical text edit of a sequence from the newest FP episode, which I honestly can't tell is meant to satirize the critical community or Rachel's reactions to the critical community because the weird reality this comic and its community exist in has just become that wack that it's hard to believe it's not directly from The Onion sometimes LMAO

-and as much as i find myself empathizing with the pressure that rachel is surely under right now - no one should have to be subject to the screeching howls of the peanut gallery - i can't help but be reminded of the memes and tweets she's put out that basically outright say "persephone is supposed to be celebrated for being a shitty person, if you can't handle her at her worst you don't deserve her at her best 💅"-

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rachel Smythe (@usedbandaid)

-and how often she's ruined her own day looking for critical groups or people with the "wrong opinions" that were minding their own business, or how much she's stifled her own community's attempts to discuss the story openly by having her mods ban anyone with even so much as a question regarding persephone's integrity.

so yeah, as much as i can empathize with her from one creator to another that being under this amount of pressure and scrutiny must be immensely frustrating and exhausting, beyond that one similarity i just can't empathize or relate to this mindset of almost learned helplessness that's taken a firm grip over her writing. this is the story she wants to tell and by all means no one is entitled to make her stop, but if she's gonna keep using her greek myth "retelling" comic that's trying to be "feminist" as a mouthpiece for her own griping over criticisms that are largely on-point and justified - to the point of putting the words of her critics into the mouth of her token villain like she's playing some single player barbie doll "act out that fight that sounded cooler in your head" game - then she's gonna keep getting called out, full stop. i figured she didn't have any nose left to rip off in spite of her face but apparently not.

look, i get it, there are some opinions and behaviors within the critical community that even i'm not on board with. there are people who absolutely take shit too far on both sides of the fandom, and i think both sides need to do more to hold themselves accountable for how they interact with each other, the comic, and rachel herself. i make it a point to keep my shit in my own house, i'm not entitled to rachel's attention and frankly it's the last thing i want because i have a lot of fun here and i don't want that to be potentially ruined or dampened! but if you come into my house and complain about the decorating, then i legitimately don't know what to tell you. i used to love LO and i'm so sad for my past self knowing fully well they're not gonna be able to wholeheartedly enjoy this comic forever due to how manipulative and shitty the storytelling has become. a story that i once connected to as an AFAB who was a victim of assault and abuse and generational trauma.

if persephone being the true main villain in her own story was ever meant to be the point of Lore Olympus, then it's taken way, way too long to get to that point, and rachel herself definitely doesn't seem to be of the mindset that that's what she's become with all of her blasé meme'ing on a plot arc that she's still expecting us to take seriously. persephone was never a very complex character to begin with - being an easy self-insert for the audience and rachel to project themselves onto and relate to - but at least in the beginning she felt like she had so much legitimate potential, she was naive but put her best foot forward and clearly wanted to make a life for herself, made by herself.

now she's just mean. jaded and mean. dependent on the constant validation of others to the point of being manipulative. an absolute shell of a person who can only grow a spine when she's punching down on people weaker than her, completely incapable of standing up to the people who are a legitimate threat to her. it's not empowering, it's not subversive, it's just another pick me story about women pitting themselves against other women and never taking accountability for their own behavior, mistakes, and deliberate actions meant to hurt others, often teetering on the line of straight up narcissism all for the sake of a "boss babe" moment.

anyways, if you want an actual well-written and GOOD scene of an empathetic female protagonist struggling to find their footing in adulthood being called the fuck out for their learned helplessness behavior, go read Tamberlane, it tackles this topic much better through its main character who keeps using her brokenness as an excuse to never do better, it slaps and it's so real.

[satureja13]

Saiwa's Therapy Game - Part 2 It starts -> here

Saiwa is still torn. Shall he stay as the Captain of the Sea Urchin or leave and follow his own path? Staying would mean he'd have to deal with all the stuff he ran away from and he has the feeling he's not strong enough for this right now. He sighed and delayed his decision and started the inventory list for the Vicegerent. It's still quite tempting to stay as the Pirate Captain. But what he wants and what he needs are two different pairs of pirate boots.

Saiwa finished the list by noon and stepped out in the bright afternoon, where the Vicegerent already waited for him. Saiwa guesses the Vicegerent will have the final say if he can leave or not. He might need some time to find a new Captain for the Sea Urchin.

Oh, it's NPC Wesley! (TMI: Wesley is Vlad's first love and partner of Vlad's arch enemy Leander ^^' but the other Boys like them.) Vicegerent Wesley: "That was your best tour so far. Amazing Job! I'll get your wage ready and we meet in the 'Salty Mermaid' later! If you keep it up like that you'll soon be more wealthy than I am haha!" (I have no idea why there is a carrot lying on that bollard ^^')

Captain Duath (=Saiwa): "Erm, about keeping it up. I'd like to take a break to - uhm - sort a few things out..." Vicegerent Kareem (=Wesley): "Sure, my friend. Take all the time you need. Captain Whittaker was pestering me for months now to get his own ship. He is raring to take over, don't worry." Captain Whittaker? The ghost dog from 'The Irish Rover'? Captain Duath: "Ah - thank you. I guess..." Does Helm Satureja look worried or relieved? Saiwa was relieved. He didn't think it would be that easy. But easily being replaced by a dog was a bit...

Captain Duath took a walk around Bacalao Bay before he entered the 'Salty Mermaid'. The others all already there.

Oh no! The piano player is NPC Jeb! Saiwa wasn't prepared for this. He tries to remind himself that this is just a game and that this Jeb is just a NPC Tiny Can created for his therapy. Probably an idea from the Little Goats... And after the experiences of the others, NPC Jeb shouldn't even know him. But he really isn't ready to face any version of Jeb. He should have waited with his Therapy Game. No matter what the others said and how well their therapy went... How the crew's expectantly eying him hahaha

Best he avoids Jeb and leaves after he said goodbye to his crew. But Saiwa made the calculation without the permanent flirty First Mate Guidry. (TMI: Claude René Duplantier Guidry has a quite interesting -> background story) First Mate Guidry: "Hey Captain! Isn't the new piano man amazing? You should meet him. I'll call him over. You will like him, he's hot and handsome! Look at his muscles. Ah, he's a sight to see!" Captain Duath: "Uhm, that's not necessary. Let him play. I just came in to say goodbye and leave before dawn."

First Mate Guidry: "Hey Jeb, come over and meet our Captain! He's hot and handsome!" Oh no, what to do? What to do???

Ok new plan, just say ahoy and then leave. NPC Jeb seems to be just as nervous as Saiwa. And for a few (too many and too long) seconds, none of them said a word. Until NPC Jeb blurted out: "You're utterly beautiful." (Hahaha the crews faces!)

First Mate Guidry: "Ayayay Jeb! That's not how you greet our fierce and ruthless Captain..." Jeb: "I'm so sorry." Guidry and Kili started to teach Jeb how to make a better first impression and Saiwa took the cue to take his leave. Captain Duath: "I'm leaving guys. See you again next time around!"

But Jeb followed him. Saiwa will have a word or two with Tiny Can when he's back! Jeb: "When will I see you again?" Saiwa: "Eh, I have to sort a few things out - for a while." Jeb: "Where are you going?" Saiwa: "Far, far away."

Ach. Saiwa's heart became heavy and to make matters worse, it started to rain.

Saiwa didn't know what to say to him. He can't stay here with Jeb. He needs time for himself. Even if it's only here in the game. No responsibilities, no sorrows. Only caring for himself and find out what he could be without his burdens.

But Jeb didn't want to let Saiwa go and asked again where he's going to. That was when a song came to Saiwa's mind and he told Jeb he could find him where the Blarney Roses grow. He couldn't look him in the eyes, though. (I don't know if you're familiar with the word 'blarney' (I wasn't ^^') it means: deceptive or misleading talk. There is a quite interesting story about the Blarney Stone at Blarney Castle -> here. I first thought it was a hoax but it seems to exist haha) Jeb gathered all his courage: "I will find you there. I promise. Let's seal it with a kiss." Saiwa is utterly sure that Jeb will never find him so he gave in. Jeb kissed Saiwa chastely on his cheek. Aouwww. Saiwa is melting away and Jeb's kiss almost made him change his mind. But after all these years as the Boys' leader it's part of his flesh and blood to put his mission over his emotions. (Like he did when he started that damn fake relationship with Kiyoshi that teared them all apart - and brought him here...)

The Dead Man and his chest are watching them :3 It's a while ago he saw something so annoyingly sweet here at Bacalao Bay ^^'

And then Captain Duath left. And he took Jeb's heart with him.

Saiwa bought this little dinghy thing from his share. Let's hope it takes him far enough from everything so he can heal ö.Ö'

'There's roses in Killarney and there's some in County Clare But upon my word, the roses, lads, I can't find anywhere She blarneyed me for by the power, she left me broke, you know Did the damsel that belonged to where the Blarney Roses grow

Can anybody tell me where the Blarney Roses grow? It might be down in Limerick town, it might be in Mayo It's somewhere in the Emerald Isle and this I want to know Can anybody tell me where the Blarney Roses grow?'

Blarney Roses by The Willoughby Brothers (TMI: I only knew this live version from Fiddlers Green but I just found this one on youtube and it's so amazingly sung by these 6 brothers(!). Both videos have not many likes but this song is so beautiful. One of my favourite irish songs for sure.) Link to spotify below is yet another version from Fiddlers Green from their 25 years anniversary album (from 2015 omg ö.ö) ^^'

The Therapy Game Master Post with the sessions and places so far is -> here

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest Current Chapter: 🕹️ 'The One' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[sergeifyodorov]

would u do a little analysis of how each team has done so far this season … i trust ur opinions so much

EACH team okay... under the cut bc i am not subjecting the masses to 32 nasty little thots cody edition

Bruins: RIP patrice of course but the bruins are steamrolling as ever... i think that if there is any evidence of the universe simply not caring abt good things it is that the bruins slip and stumble and have some of their best players retired and still manage to put up a 50 win season every year. <- salty leafs fan but ANYHWAY the bruins are easily a Playoff Team. simply "there" 5v5, strong power play, they make their money off finishing (pastrnak you filthy animal) and goaltending (swaymark you filthy animals). they have been trending downwards of late so i'm not entirely sure of like their final standings place but with this kind of head start they're staying up.

Sabres: currently in what we the people call a "decade of darkness." might be a "two decades of darkness" if we're going to be honest. the active player with the most playoff points with the sabres is tyler myers. 7 points. yeah the tall one most famous for having a subreddit that posts the gamescore card every time he's on the bottom of the gamescore card. sabres are really hard to fix because their first real step to contention is "hoping devon levi turns out really good." not promising. bad enough that by selling a piece or two celebrini is in sight. maybe that'll help? a third 1OA?

Red Wings: presenting the mid-season Season Ruining Unforced Error Award early by saying: not that they were going to be as good as their first few games of sniping suggested, but signing patrick kane tanked any realistic hope they have of playoffs. is patrick kane good? he's actually alright. maybe this time the surgery worked. is the team made better by having him on it? it surely isn't! a few REALLY BADLY TIMED dylan larkin based misfortunes have made it go from bad to worse. they were in A2 like a month ago and now they're Out. strengths: finishing. weaknesses: everything else, including morale.

Panthers: okay you've probably clocked this by now but ive been Generally Salty so far and that is bc a) im easily tempted to haterhood and b) currently discussing each team in the atlantic which does nothing to make me less Tempted To Haterhood. that being said the panthers are Good and For Real About It. they can do everything except finish chances, which is fine when the other team has way fewer chances than you and your goalie doesn't let any of them in. fuck ALLL the way off. place your bets on these guys having a deep playoff run. cross your fingers for them not having a deep playoff run i can't stand chuckyposting again it's RAN ITS COURSE. (also: machuk is probably still injured and absolutely Not doing as well as he did the last few seasons. maybe because he's just not that kind of guy but it's probably at least mostly the broken chest thing)

Canadiens: they are bad EXCEPT when it comes to overtime + the shootout. also much like the sabres they're going nowhere fast. i expect at least one of their goalies to be gone at the deadline... furthermore i think ppl who are ragging on slaf's slow development are simply expecting all 1OAs to be like an auston or a connor type (pick your connor) where they come in and immediately adapt -- slaf rings very reminiscent of quinton byfield to me, who was picked 2OA in 2020 and is only now starting to break out. give him time he's a baby...

Senators: despite how much literally everyone talks up all their players constantly, they are not good either. like the sabres or the habs... atlantic is 4 teams in the genuine hunt, 3 teams who suck and have sucked forever and will suck forevermore, and the red wings who haven't made up their minds yet. the sens actually Do have a singular Biggest Problem though and that's goaltending, but they're not a good enough team otherwise that getting a quality goaltender is going to make them playoffs worthy, especially not in the very short (this-season) run.

Lightning: the lightning are weird to me because like i think they're still making up their mind as A People what they want to do. kucherov is the best player in the league rn, this is stamkos' ufa season and he hasn't been offered an extension, vasilevskiy is back and vasying his levskiy... i fully believe they have the capability of getting a playoff spot, maybe even A3 if they want. we've all seen them in the playoffs, we know how they can turn ~It~ on at will. as always they're a deeply mid 5v5 team powered by very strong special teams... the goaltending numbers say goaltending is shit but they've been playing in front of the genuinely unplayable jonas johansson most of the season so i think it'll be fine.

Maple Leafs: as the team ive watched the moast i can talk about these guys for evar so for all of our sanities i will be brief: Auston Matthews, Baby, Look At Him, That's Auston, Auston Motherfucking "Sexy Mustached Bitch" Matthews!!!!!!! powered by an extremely strong power play and very good offence, and defence and goaltending that is held together by Morgan Rielly and a dream. possibly the only reason they're in a playoff spot is the fact that martin jones didn't get claimed on waivers three months ago and i am being dead serious about that. for some reason they're at their best when they're down by two. they do really need both their #1 goalie to come back from injury and to make a splash for a genuine nhl-calibre defenceman, but they're stubbornly determined to win games even through nasty flu.

Hurricanes: their usual selves -- analytics darlings, can't buy a goal. this year they can't buy a save either -- Freddie is out with a medical condition, Raanta is straight up not good, and Kochetkov is... well, he's Kochetkov. they're not far out of a spot but they'll need a hot hand if they want to get comfy... which i don't expect, frankly. they're good enough to make the playoffs, but they're not really a team that goes on heaters, so they'll be bubble until the end.

Blue Jackets: genuinely not sure they know what they're doing like... okay. from an outside pov they are obviously Tanking. they're bad in every way that matters except for finishing and the standings show it. but also like... they're at the point in their development cycle where they shouldn't be tanking... or at least are on the verge of Shouldn't Be Tanking. and again, because they don't know what they're doing, they hired mike babcock for this... if they know what they're doing they'll toss kekalainen as soon as they can and, following this year's draft, start Fighting. but let's be real i doubt that. adam fantilli it's your time to shine... sorry sweetheart!

Devils: see Hurricanes. Great on paper, can't buy a save. They've obviously been stunted by Timo, J'accuse, and Nico all being injured at various points, but goaltending is their biggest and most solvable problem. Unlike the Hurricanes, though, the Devils are fully capable of going on a heater, so the gap between them and WC2 isn't as big as it looks (probably.) Luke Hughes is going to be something special.

Rangers: Looks like Lafreniere is finally getting his feet under him -- but the Rangers have always been far more about getting old, known players to get a second wind with them than they've been about prospect development, and Quick and Wheeler are both showing this pretty definitively. Another one of those teams that's run by special teams and finishing/goaltending. Easy playoff spot, likely solid run. Nothing too interesting here.

Islanders: On the other hand, the Isles are interesting because... like... how did they get There? They have a negative goal differential, for heaven's sake! Their special teams are godawful, their defence is a sieve, they blow leads like that's what actually gets you points in this league, and they're somehow second in the Metropolitan??????? Is it Horvat? Barzal? Sorokin? (It's probably Sorokin.) They'll make the playoffs but i doubt they'll succeed in them.

Flyers: This one's also weird. They have the power play and offence of a peewee team in the big leagues, but have become defensively Actually Super Competent and are somehow good because of this? I'm going to theorize -- because you've asked me to but also because I really want to -- that this is due, at least in part, to somewhat of an inverse Kane-on-the-Red-Wings effect from their offseason removal of Provorov and DeAngelo; without them, the team is now not only better defensively on paper but also better as a team in the locker room. They're [uncle voice] playing with heart now! I doubt they're a real contender, but I think they might actually make playoffs.

Penguins: ...this one's also weird. They're good on paper. Like, really good on paper? Defensively "just okay" but offensively great, goaltending is fantastic, special teams are shutdown. They just can't buy a goal and they can't buy a good sequence.

Capitals: This one's weird, too, but in the opposite way -- aside from the power-play, the Caps are actually godawful on paper, especially when it comes to finishing (because when Ovechkin takes such a high percentage of your shots but he isn't scoring, your team REALLY suffers) but somehow they've managed to pinpoint sequencing luck (win close, lose ugly) and are somehow in WC1. Do I think they'll make the playoffs? Absolutely not -- if either the Devils or Canes step up, the Caps are the odd man out -- but it might be fun to see them try. Or hell, I hope they win-close-lose-ugly their way to a goddamn Cup final. Would be funny as fuck for Ovi's second-longest ever playoff run to come at the fresh young age of thirty-eight. Dude looks ragged out there. I'm going to shut up now before I start talking about finding him sexy

Coyotes: Simple on paper: bad at running play, good goaltending and finishing. Essentially what the Canucks are doing at a smaller scale. The Leafs should never have let Kerfoot walk and I mean that unironically. Okay, anyway, the Yotes are a bubble team and won't make higher than WC1 because of the logjam at the top of the Central, but holy fuck do I want them to make WC1 (or a playoff spot in general.) People ask "how can we grow the game" a lot, and when it comes to what the NHL can do directly, the number one biggest thing is win in small markets. Arizona has already created one of the sports' biggest stars -- Auston! -- and it's an absolutely massive TV market and a potential hotbed of new fans and new, great players. Arizona making a playoff spot -- or even better, going on a run -- would be amazing for the NHL. And it would be funny. And I would like that.

Blackhawks: shoutout to dave !!! dave who works for the hawks!!! anyway the hawks are very obviously tanking and good at it. Their only real point of interest is their Sacred Child, and holy fuck is their Sacred Child going to absolutely fucking smash it when he's given a team that's not entirely made up of scrubs. i think his analytics, especially his defensive numbers, are, like, fine? but accounting for his leverage (all situations, especially the difficult ones), his teammates (his best linemate is Anthony Beauvillier, and tito... is a third liner), and the fact that he's all of eighteen, he's definitely on track to be a Real Force. i kinda love him... okay moving on.

Avalanche: All-over good: finishing their biggest obvious strength, but hockeywise they don't have any real weaknesses... although there is some serious Drama brewing in that locker room and i think it might just be getting started. with landeskog gone for at least until the end of this year (and possibly forever) and ej a sabre, there is absolutely no one in there capable of actually emotionally running a team: makar lacking in a leader's magnetism, rantanen an idiot, toews and mackinnon far too high-strung and competitive, and no one else with seniority. they're a good enough team that it's not really affecting them right now, but ... i don't know, i can kind of feel it coming. They'll make the playoffs, but when the pressure is on they'll either step up or completely fall apart.

Stars: See above: all-over good, but saving their biggest obvious weakness. I think most of this is spurred by Otter being out -- Wedgewood is a serviceable backup goaltender, but obviously not capable of being a real starter, and the team is stuttering because of it. I doubt it'll be for long or too much difficulty (they're a good defensive team, so it's not going to affect them a lot, but they might lose a game or two they might have won with Otter, especially if he's out for a while), but it's going to keep them from taking a step on top of the Central. Easy playoff team, probable contender.

Wild: They are bad! Penalty kill is their worst weakness, but they're not great in goal either and the combination is kicking their ass. As much as I respect how well they've done with that giant cap-space penalty from the Parise/Suter buyouts all those years ago, it's... kind of time to throw in the towel. Get Flower those final few wins, because by god are they devoid of much other success. Right at the tail of a competitive arc. RIP. Tank incoming.

Predators: Weirdly good, even though Saros hasn't been his usual self? O'Reilly esp has been an absolutely fantastic addition for the team over the offseason. No huge strengths, no significant weaknesses. Not an amazing offensive team, but it's Nashville so they were never going to be -- the place practically breeds defensive forwards and all-around dmen. I don't expect they'll seriously contend, but they'll make the playoffs (unless someone offers the farm for Saros).

Blues: I genuinely think so little about the Blues .... that whole thing with Jordan Kyrou has been the most I've thought about them for a bit. That and the fact that only three of their games haven't been decided by the first goal? They're not good and they're really boring. Yeehaw.

Jets: THE JETS let's get JUICY. Jets' biggest strengths by far are a) 5v5 defence and b) finishing/goaltending. Even with Kyle Connor out they're sniping and Hellebuyck and Brossoit are both absolutely on it. The Jets have always seemed to have this problem where on paper (take a shot every time I've written "on paper" in this post if you want to die of alcohol poisoning) they seem fantastic, then January onwards they absolutely plummet. And it's not January yet, so that might still happen, but that kind of thing tends to happen because of a dramatic morale shift, and now that Lowry's captain and Wheeler's left for New York... that might not happen? They've banked enough points that unless they're historically bad from here on out they're still a playoff team. If they keep up what they have going so far, they're a contender, but if it's the same Winnipeg with the same problems, then they're not.

Ducks: Taking a step in the right direction with Carlsson and Mintyukov, but still bad! I really hope Carlsson recovers well, he seems like a sweet boy. Also: what on Earth are they doing with Zegras. Is he a defenceman now? Are they making him play defence? Are he and Dixie D'Amelio still dating? I have many questions. I just hope whichever high draft pick they get is an idiot. I feel like they need another dumbass baby on the team.

Flames: The Flames also appear to have no idea what's going on. And frankly, neither do I! They're too good to be obviously tanking, but not near good enough to be a bubble team. They're definitely reluctant to sell, but their best hope to win soon absolutely should be selling. They have one of the worst contracts in the league on their payroll (wow... I hope the guy in charge of my favourite team didn't sign that!) and a bunch of really solid late-round picks and prospects cutting their teeth on the NHL. In short: they aren't going to make the playoffs and should be leaning into that, but they don't seem to have realized this yet.

Oilers: For the sake of not gloating, I'm going to sum this one up with a Marek quote: If you have a goalie, it's 70% of your team. If you don't, it's 100%. They've had finishing trouble, but considering they absolutely run the show at 5v5 AND special teams (they put nearly SIXTY SHOTS on Vasilevskiy the other day) a little finishing shouldn't be quite so dangerous if they didn't have two sieves minding the net. McDavid might hit 150 again and the Oil might still miss the playoffs. If they get in, they're going far, but at this point it'll be tough as fuck to make it in.

Kings: Average penalty kill. No other weaknesses. Kopitar 4 Selke.

Sharks: This is an absolutely glorious tankjob. No other way to put it. This is the pinnacle of tank design. This is the Wayne Gretzky of tankjobs. This is the Casablanca of tankjobs. This is the Saturn V of tankjobs. Nothing has been so beautifully engineered to suck since Sir James Dyson patented his vacuum or Nancy Reagan walked the earth. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. I am in awe. They deserve Celebrini purely because of how flawless the tank is. I don't care if he has a warm undertone and would look pink in that fantastic teal. The boy needs San Jose.

Kraken: Good defensively at 5v5, bad pretty much everywhere else. I'm going to be honest with you all, last year was kind of a flash in the pan -- Seattle isn't great and they're neither headed upwards nor downwards. Not a bubble team, probably won't pick top ten. They haven't decided whether or not to build up or tank. Beyond the fantastic aesthetics and four-unranked-lines shtick, they don't really have a whole lot of competitive mojo: no star forwards, no goaltending. Wholeheartedly mid.

Canucks: oH BABY!!!!! The 23-24 Canucks made us all learn what PDO is. The 23-24 Canucks are first in the motherfucking league after being one spot out of being in the Bedard lottery. The 23-24 Canucks are on track to have the best shooting and saving percentage in league history. The 23-24 Canucks' leading goalscorer is Brock Boeser, the guy they've almost traded practically every year since they drafted him. The 23-24 Canucks started the season by naming the Wettest Little Man On The Planet captain and they haven't looked back since. I think they're an easy lock for a playoff spot -- but within the playoffs, do I know what they're going to do? I absolutely do not. They could PDO their way to a Cup or they could bow out in four games flat. Either is equally likely. They have thoroughly embraced Good Chaos. Quinn Hughes might win the Hart. Everything's coming up Vancouver.

Golden Knights: Not as good as they were last year. Ultimately still pretty good. Easy playoff spot. Definite contender. Jack Eichel is better than ever and I love him for it, the dickhead.

[betterfettered]

Do you think the Yandere obey me cast, specifically Leviathan, would take away your glasses you needed to see with just so you'd rely on him more/not look at anyone else?

At first I was just having a laugh but now I'm wondering how that would go.

This isn't a request I just thought it was funny and wanted to share

HAHAHAHAHA omg this is so funny T T thank you for sending this I'm dying

"This isn't a request I thought it was funny"

(AMAB!Yandere x GN!reader)(This one is fluffy teehee)

As a little treat to himself, Yandere!Lucifer might do this to tease you a little, and make you beg or ask nicely for them. He'd really like the feeling of you being reliant on him, and he does enjoy a bit of light hearted teasing so it would be a warm fuzzy moment for him. Following that though he would test your eyesight and punish you if you weren't wearing the right prescription.

Yandere!Mammon will steal your glasses and then insist on helping you with everything, even things that aren't related to your sight, such as showering. He'll stand close enough to you that you can count his eyelashes when you are talking and turn your face towards him by the chin when he notices you squinting at things. Sooner or later you will find your glasses in his stuff, and he'll say he doesn't know how they got there.

Yandere!Leviathan would snatch your glasses off of your face in a fit of jealousy and stomp on them, asking furiously why you always want to look at everyone but him. Fine - better if he doesn't leave you the option at all. He'll trap you in another video game with him, where everything is unfamiliar and you can barely make out your surroundings so you have to cling to him to survive. Of course he's going to be very into roleplaying the character, so you'll have to call him whatever he says and convince him with affection to stop being salty enough to help you.

A lover of a good prank, Yandere!Satan would take your glasses while you're sleeping and replace your things with similar looking things or just rig them, then watch you through the many, many cameras he's got all over. It's like one of his cat videos! He put slimy bugs in your house slippers, unscrewed your door from the hinges so when you try to leave your room it falls over onto you, replaced your toothpaste with a tube of frosting, set up your shower to hit you with a mildly corrosive acid that painfully burns your skin. Haha! What good fun! When you finally call out to him and ask him for help he'll return your glasses and help take care of any of the pain he caused you.

Yandere!Asmo seems like one of those people who would take your glasses and put them on and then be like "WOW YOU REALLY CAN'T SEE!" He'll probably wave them above his head and tell you to come and get them from him so that you have to willingly get close to him, at which point he'll probably toss your glasses to the side because his attention is on you instead.

Yandere!Beelzebub definitely sat on your glasses by accident and broke them, and he feels really bad about it, but every time he lets you go outside you try to run away so how is he supposed to get you new ones? :( He'll help you out as much as possible with trying to see things, and you'll have many moments with him where you say "what does that say" "prime tapur special" "no that" "new charred poison belly newt spicy flavor" "no, that!" ".....2 for 1 blood strawberry tart" "never mind...". Eventually if you promise to behave and have earned his trust enough, he'll take you to replace them.

Yandere!Belphegor will take your glasses and leave little clues for you to follow to get to them. Seeing you walk around and around though, at least one of the brothers is going to offer to help you find them, and when Belphegor finds out he's gonna be hella annoyed about it. He'll probably go into your room at night, lock the door, and lie on top of you, refusing to get up. When you finally do manage to escape so you can go to school, he'll knock your glasses off your nightstand so they fall behind your bed, and then tell you to go ask the brother who helped you what happened to them, hmPH!

Thank you homie for sending this goofy ask what a nice change of pace <3

[tethys-the-aquatic-sea-godness]

Perhaps Viconia and Sarevok are changelings 🥲

I'd take any explanation that fixes the shitshow that are these two quests, major quests mind you, not side quests you can ignore. It'd be funny if they were changelings, because they'd be pretty lousy ones. Or rather a lousy one, and one who doesn't have to do much work (warning: I started ranting)

I mean, for reminder, this is viconia:

And this is... a drow:

Skintone: wrong

Age: they were drunk or they didn't try, possibly both. Viconia is a drow, a full elf, meaning +700 years of life expectancy, and they made her look as old as Jaheira, a half-elf. A 100 years should be nothing to her, she should look basically the same.

Distinctive marks: her beauty mark above her lip on the left side of her face isn't there. It's like Jaheira's braids or Minsc's tatoo, it sets her apart. Without it, it's not her.

As for Sarevok, well, with his armour and his helmet, you see like 1/4 of his face, you could put anyone in there, and slap face paint on. So not too much work for a changeling.

But if it makes you feel any better, you can actually get in game clues that hint neither of those characters are who they claim to be. These hints are never remarked upon or pointed out by any characters, you have to find them and take the time to read them.

This, for example, is the description of the drow's dress (also BG 3 has a problem with treating its clerics like anime healers. This is DnD, clerics wear mail or plate, unless they multiclass with wizard, but I digress):

Dulls senses, thoughts, feelings... sounds like a good dress for brainwashing, not having an efficient cleric. It's not hard to imagine Shar being salty enough that Viconia left her cult that she picked another of her drow cleric to take Viconia's identity. Keep her 'working' for her in spirit as payback. One of Shar's whole thing is about forgetting all, including yourself. Switching her followers' identity to suit her whims wouldn't be out of place. I could see a 'Shadowheart' mother superior in the future, with little in common with her template beside being a half-elf. Shar is the type to hold grudges. Ask Selûne.

Now Sarevok comes with a failsafe too. Let's ignore's Jaheira's delirious episode where she spouts absolute nonsense that has no basis in either BG 1 or 2. She's not that young anymore, she's spent time in the shadowlands and she has kids to look after, she's under a lot of stress. We'll call it a breakdown.

If you dig around for loot, you can come across this book: Disorders of the Nerves and Mind: A Treatise

Here you read about how a totally random guy started calling himself 'Sarevok' and talking about 'raising the father', after finding (and reading?) a strange book.

If you remember the previous games, you may recall a dream sequence in SoA:

Bhaal is perfectly capable of using Sarevok's appearance for his avatar. If you add to that the fact that before he was killed by Cyric, he was already too weak to have his own form and only existed through possessing the bodies of murderers, well, it's not hard to imagine Bhaal using a random murderer's body and passing it off as Sarevok. He's the first Bhaalspawn who rebelled and tried to usurp him, you can't tell me Bhaal isn't salty about that.

Now obviously, this is me drawing conclusions from scraps found within the game. I don't think it's a 'fix-it', or that it makes Sarevok and Viconia's butchered characterization alright. Especially since these scraps don't mean anything in the narration. I've said it before, but they read like room for deniability, they feel too specific not to be. Like someone knew it was trash and they tried to patchwork an exit. But like I said, without relevance to the narrative, it's meaningless.

Regardless of any explanation, as far as I'm concerned, neither of the people we encounter are the real Sarevok, or the real Viconia.

[shortpplfedup]

Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 10

We're in the final act now, as Jojo n'em focus on 'Redemption'. Last week y'all tapped Nick as the most honest in reckoning with himself, and now it's everybody else's turn for a reckoning.

🔺1. Boeing (2)

You're totally his type. Like an upgraded version of me.

Walk in, fuck shit up, that's the Boeing way, and I am GAGGING for it. I don't have a clue who the target is or what his game is or exactly but he is playing it EXPERTLY. Is he trying to get Top back? Is he trying to get back at Top? Where does next week's Sand diversion fit in? DID HE AND MEW REVENGE FUCK I NEED TO KNOW?! (I ALSO NEED TO SEE!).

🔻2. Nick (1)

Don't we deserve each other?

Nikolai my stalker baby, why did my heart swell three sizes when you got your man? Honesty remains the best policy, and owning your own shit is a fast track to understanding and accepting others. Nick tried, he genuinely gave Daddy Dan an honest and fair chance, and it COULD have been something, but the heart wants what it wants and Nick's heart wants Boston. The look on his face when he saw his photo as Boston's lockscreen, the way he BAWLED when Boston admitted he missed him...peak romance I tell you.

🔺3. Boston (4)

I don't usually take good care of what I own.

I'm not really meta-ing about this show, but the PRECISION with which Jojo n'em sliced and diced the audience's slut-shaming ways via this character got me. I am INCANDESCENT on Boston's behalf that his so-called friends were so willing to believe Atom's nasty little lies. Because Boston might be a slut, and he might have gone a little Top crazy, and he might stir up some drama when he's feeling some typa way, but he's not a sexual predator, and HE DOESN'T LIE. And despite it all people who call themselves friends to him SHOULD know that. He shouldn't have fucked Atom yes, but Atom straight up asked to get fucked. Boston DOES have lessons to learn about controlling his impulses and filtering the things that come out of his mouth, but these hypocrites ain't the ones to teach him. I'm glad that Nick got over himself last week just in time to be there when Boston truly needed him, and I hope that if they decide to try a relationship that Nick keeps the letting-Boston-be-Boston energy he's discovered.

⭐4. Ray's Dad

Ray's Dad in his one prior appearance seemed like a man at the end of his rope, and I'm glad my thinking was borne out. This story keeps telling us that nobody is a monster, nobody is a villain, everybody is just a person, and Ray's dad is a person like all the rest of them: he cared about his wife, he's watched helplessly and increasingly angrily as his son went down the same path, but he didn't know how to get through to him because he's limited, as we all are, so he did a lot of the wrong thing. I don't think paying Sand to get Ray into rehab was the wrong thing though, that was the act of a desperate man. Him giving Ray the straight dope about how to treat people was a long overdue fatherly lesson. Has he been neglectful? Indubitably. But I'm rooting for him.

🔻5. Sand (3)

Do you think I’m a man with no dignity?

Sand is the beneficiary of me being salty about Mew and Ray joining the 'I saw Goodie Proctor with the devil' mini-mob, but I could have TOLD him that a man who continuously and repeatedly calls you a whore is going to believe the absolute worst about you when the chips are down. I'm lowkey mad he gave back the money, because Ray is gonna call him a whore whether or not he's getting paid. I know Sand lives for the drama sparkle Ray brings to his otherwise dull life, but come ON dude.

🔺6. Mew (7)

If you blow it again this time, I'll blame myself for being dumb enough to trust you.

Mew joining in the fun with Boeing is probably gonna bite him somehow but right now I am LIVINGGGGG. Mew keeping Top up at night staring at the ceiling on a regular basis is the only way I'm gonna truly enjoy them being together, because game recognising game is my favourite brand of toxic relationship. If these two spend the next 50 years trying to get one over on each other I will be so satisfied.

🔻7. Ray (5)

I'm not addicted to alcohol. I can stop whenever I want.

Ray spending the entire episode in various stages of denial, his irritation with the idea of rehab and refusal to take it seriously, that explosion that was ALWAYS coming at Sand, and his final, quiet realisation that he has a fucking problem and he needs to fix it to stop hurting the people around him was phenomenal television, anchored by a bravura performance by Khaotung. Ray is gonna have a lot of amends to make once he starts drying out, including saying everything he said to his therapist directly to Sand. Can he truly change? Let's see.

🔻8. Top (6)

I'm sure if he stops being mad at me, we can make it long-term.

I finally figured out why no matter what I'll NEVER like Top and he doesn't pass the vibe check: his instincts and reactions are to lie, hide and cheat when he doesn't feel on top of things. He and Boeing may not be fuckin', but whatever is going on there smells like deceit and mendacity, and he is DESPERATE to hide it from Mew. The look on his face when Boeing is around is exactly how he looked around Boston after that car. Give me an honest slut over whatever this is any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I keep saying that Mew is part of Top's self-actualization, and the way he talks about him with Boeing in this ep just adds fuel to my fire. Is that enough to sustain a long-lasting and successful relationship, absolutely, so many couples are JUST like this.

🔺9. Cheum (12)

Find your own way to graduate. And we will forget we were once friends with you.

OOH this girl pisses me off. Having finally decided to mind the business that pays her, mostly because she's annoyed Atom seems to prefer talking to Boston than talking to her, she's all too willing to believe Atom's lies about Boston and run up pointing her j'accuse finger. I genuinely can't get over how UGLY that scene at Boston's was, how Cheum pulled out some of the same shit that gets levelled at queer men, promiscuous or not, and threw it all at Boston. When she said she didn't believe that Atom was the aggressor because he likes girls, that hit me in the fucking chest. Boston must have done something to Atom. He must have coerced him, blackmailed him, forced him, right? It's so grotesque.

🔻10. Atom (9)

Getting my heart broken by a girl won't kill me.

Speaking of grotesque, what a nasty bit of business this was. Hurt people hurt people, that's kind of the whole ethos of this show, and the lies Atom told were designed to ruin Boston's life like he feels Boston ruined his by GIVING HIM EXACTLY WHAT HE ASKED FOR. I very much doubt Atom is gonna stop at Cheum too, he's out to destroy, and spreading around this kind of shit about somebody who's already judged for being 1) queer and 2) promiscuous is absolutely destructive. This shit was the vilest thing anybody has done on this show by a country mile.

[kerubimcrepin]

Exploring dofus-le-film.com and talking about movie-related events. [PART 1]

This will not go into the goldmine that is the interview Tot and Xa give about Joris. This is just a little, self-indulgent post. I hope you will enjoy it nevertheless.

The first silly action I took was extracting the site's icon and enlarging it in Aseprite, so here's your daily dose of cute official Joris pixel art. Anyway.

I love how the movie blurb literally lies about Khan being Joris's life-long idol.

CHARACTER BIOS.

Most of them include the information we already know, so I will only be pointing out things I personally find interesting.

For example - this art here depicts Joris's bald head under the hood as very round. Very useful info for us joris enjoyers. Reblog to slap his bald head, like to slap his bald head.

(Hacks up blood) Deeply caring in nature... papa poule... It is the second time, when Kerubim is called that, in his character bios, and I would like you to remember are these different explanations of this word combo:

I'm insane. I love him a lot.

Bakara is a pleasure to have in class :)

Anyway, I love how non-specific and non-alarming these character bios are. We can't scare the hoes by saying that beneath her cool exterior she wants to kill people around her and also drink 20 gallons of vodka, so "shy and stuck up" it shall be.

Again, it's hilarious how non-threatening these character bios are, considering Lilotte's whole parent thing is basically: (substitute "women" with "kids with families")

Coloring pages + Crayon Contest

A part of me wanted to be "haha, I colored all these coloring pages, for the Full Understanding of The Experience of this movie."

Then I realized that, as a person who is making a Joris painted music video, and had drawn at least 1:07 minutes worth of artwork of him and some other characters of this movie, I would rather-- [remembers that suicide jokes are bad] take cactus for a wife, than draw him for this blog too. I'm sorry.

Not much to be said about the contest, though this is epic:

This little Joris can be found at the bottom of the "win some crayons" page. It's cute.

BLOGPOSTS

This image was drawn for MIFA.

I want to unpack what is occurring here:

Goultard is holding his dragon boyfriend rather gayly on the shoulder. Interesting.

One of the candles landed in Nox's face?

Atcham, Joris, and Lilotte were holding the cake together. Lilotte is sitting on Yugo's shoulder, while Joris is standing on Kerubim's arms. It is reasonable to assume that Yugo turned to the camera, which made Lilotte turn as well, which made Atcham fall, which made Kerubim step away, and the only people carrying the cake who are still even a bit happy are Joris and Yugo.

Adamai is getting ready to catch Joris when in like 5 seconds all of them are going to be tumblring down Atcham-style.

Incredible. But this illustration is not the only gem that Annecy has brought us!

It also brought us more of Atcham being cool and awesome.

I'm insane.

There's more rare art here: these t-shirts featuring designs from a fan contest.

They were made in limited numbers. I'm including them here because we don't exactly have copies of the artwork, and I am insane about preserving art. It might be somewhere — but that somewhere is probably 2016 french facebook, so as far as I'm concerned, trying to seek these out is a lost cause.

Exclusive Merch

There were playing cards, and I am happy to report we DO have artwork for them in HD:

And also, here's a slightly higher definition little game sprite esque Joris:

This is the future crepinjurgenites want.

Kerubim VS Atcham Rigged Pet Contest

I am sad to report that Atchamheads have lost again, in this rigged contest. Imagine asking:

Would you like a fluffy guy you have watched an entire series about, or this bald guy who appears twice in the franchise?

At the very least, this gives us a canonical kitten Atcham design.

(Also, both of them were added, jsyk... Still salty though.)

Maliki Art

Maliki is a webcomic not made by Ankama, but with a long relationship and connection to Ankama due to being published by them in the past.

It's cute, really.

[ssentimentals]

labels {boo seungkwan}

pairing: seungkwan x fem!reader

prompt: 'i know you don't like labels so can i be your one-and-only-person?'

warnings: none, pure fluff as usual!

seungkwan smiles widely, showing off two huge bags in his hands. before you can ask what is happening and did he buy the whole store, he says: 'i wasn't sure in mood for what you'd be, so i got both salty and sweet things.'

you smile back, shaking your head. sometimes he can be so silly but in the most endearing way that makes your heart feel like it's too big for your chest. you come closer, taking a look at what's inside the bag and cheering at the sight of your favorite chips. 'you are the best! let's go?'

you already secured your favorite spot with the blanket and now when you both sit there, he feels like this is going to the best day. in all honesty, it always feels like day is going to be great if you are in it. he sits next to you, emptying the bags and grinning at your excitement. this place became a home for you two, somewhere to hide from the rest of the world and all the troubles. your friendship blossomed here - quickly and unexpectedly - and seungkwan loved to think that you two have a secret place to go to.

'no way,' you take a look at the snacks he bought and start clapping. 'those are my favorite! i love you, thanks!'

his smile falters a little at the 'i love you' part and seungkwan pretends to be busy on the phone, looking down. you are a very easy-going person and 'i love you' falls from your lips all the time: you say it to strangers who pick up things that fell from your backpack, you say it to your friends when they say goodbye, you say it to the passing dogs or cats. he loves this about you, loves how you don't hide your emotions, loves how your heart is full of love. it's just, he can't help but wonder - is there a place specifically crafted for him there? does your 'i love you' to him means something more? the desire for it to mean something more fills his entire being - he's afraid it might overflow if he won't control it.

'earth to kwannie!' you shake him awake, smiling. 'i took some card games with me, do you wanna take a look?'

'of course!' seungkwan says it a bit too loudly but you don't react.

you start explaining which games you took and he tries to pay attention, he really does but when you decide to lean on him, all of the thoughts turn into a mess. this casual way of you entering his personal space, how you don't even have to think twice or ask him - it makes his heart race knowing how comfortable and safe you feel around him. his whole face is burning and the scent of your shampoo tickles his nose; seungkwan has to physically stop himself from burying his face in your hair, wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you close. you two already act like a couple without being one and he doesn't want to scare you away, not when he knows your stand in this thing. ('i don't like this whole...'boyfriend and girlfriend' thing, you know?' you said, walking with him to the cafeteria. 'i just- i don't like labels i guess? the need to call each other something when you both know how close you are and- i don't know, maybe i'm weird.'). he didn't say anything at that time but then it took seungkwan one whole week to find and read all articles on the topic of 'labels' in order to grasp what you meant and what it meant for him.

('i think she was inwardly telling me to fuck off,' he wailed loudly, leaning on vernon's shoulder. 'god, she really was, right? should i just back off?'

vernon patted his back and shared a look with seokmin who sat on the floor. 'i honestly think she just shared her thoughts,' vernon commented. 'no, seriously boo, i'm not saying that to appease you, i really think so.'

'i agree with vernon here,' seokmin voiced, nodding. 'i actually think..she's done it on purpose? like, so you would know, you know?'

'so i would know,' seungkwan repeated dumbly. 'for what?'

'for when you'll confess, idiot.' vernon rolled his eyes. 'cause you are going to confess, right? at this point i think everyone's waiting for it, including her.'

seungkwan sat up, eyes full of hope. 'you think so?'

'we know so, boo.' seokmin assured him with a gentle smile. 'it's the most natural thing ever for you two.')

natural. seungkwan watches you laugh at the way he's losing the game and thinks that a) you are beautiful, b) he can lose every single game just to hear you laugh and c) he's in too deep to back out now.

'so,' he starts, awkwardly clearing his throat. thinking that he's thirsty you immediately hand him water and he smiles, taking it. 'i wanted to-'

'wait, there's something on your mouth,' you reach out and wipe away few chips crumbs from the corner of his mouth and then sigh when you notice few spots on his t-shirt. 'i love you kwannie, but you're so sloppy sometimes.'

his breath hitches. oh dear god, here we go. 'you love me?' he asks, hating the way his voice comes off high-pitched. natural, my ass.

your eyebrows furrow and you tilt your head to the side a little. '...of course i do. even when you are such a sloppy eater.'

right. seungkwan tries to calm his racing heart and speaks slowly: 'do you have spots like this one with anyone else?' you shake your head and he continues: 'so, it's only me. and you love me even when i eat like a pig.'

you look weirded out but he doesn't blame you - he'd be weirded out too but he can't say what he wants any other way. bringing your knees to your chest, you stare at him with worried eyes. 'where this is going, boo? i don't understand.'

'you don't like labels,' seungkwan states and gives you a whiplash with the sudden change of the topics. 'right?'

'yes..' you drift off, confused. 'what this has to do with-'

'considering that information and that i am in love with you, i thought that we-' he swallows before continuing: 'i know that you don't like labels so can i be your one-and-only-person?' you blink in stupor and seungkwan thinks that if he doesn't say everything now then he might never say it: 'i mean, we are so close and you have a secret spot only with me and you love me- i mean, you say that you love me and even though you say that almost to everyone i think when you say it to me it's a bit different - i mean, i'm assuming that it means different and i really want it to be different and - i think that we can be so good together! only with your consent, of course- cause-'

'seungkwan!' you interrupt, reaching out to take his hands in yours.

'yes?' he squeaks, shutting up.

'breathe.' you let out, squeezing his hands.

seungkwan's brain comes to a halt and he exhales, not breaking eye contact with you. 'does that mean that you-'

'just breathe for now, kwannie.' you interrupt again, rolling your eyes at his behavior but not being able to hide a big forming smile on your face. 'that was some speed.'

'yeah?' he asks out of breath, still trembling with a need for your answer.

'yeah,' you chuckle. 'i think vernon raps slower than that.'

you both grin at each other at this and - seungkwan suddenly understands that you already gave him your answer. he sees it in your eyes - how they sparkle, in the way you hold his hands - steady and with all the care, in your smile - how you can't seem to stop it from forming. relief washes over him when you start caressing his skin with you thumbs, smiling gently at him. 'you know, now that your hands are in mine, i feel like the luckiest person to walk the planet.'

'oh for god's sake,' you mutter, leaning forward and hiding your face in his neck.

this time seungkwan doesn't hold back - he leans in, wraps his arm around your waist, pulls you closer and buries his face in your hair. and it feels just like he thought it would - like the most natural thing in the world. 'so how do we call each other?' he asks, squirming when you tickle him a bit. 'if girlfriend and boyfriend is not it?'

'i like the way it is right now. we don't have to change anything.'

seungkwan nods in agreement. 'you are mine and i am yours one-and-only-person,' he concludes and then looks down at you. he leans in, pecking your nose. 'i like that.'

'i like that too.'

with a startle, seungkwan realizes how easy it is. how everything is easy with you and this is how it's meant to be, natural.

a/n: boo is the cutest! come check out my other works here - nini

tag list: @smalliechelle @jaetaimjadore @yeow6n @pearlygraysky @a-wandering-stay (let me know if you want to be added!)

[soleminisanction]

Since Jason has a lot of conservative talking points, like his war on drugs or punitive justice, I wanna see a fic that explores that in relation to Tim coming out. Let Jason respond negatively, let it drive a wedge between him and the rest of his family, and ultimately be the cause of Jason looking at his own beliefs critically. Let that be a huge part of his redemption arc. Meanwhile lmao Tim doesn't really care except Bruce and Dick are fussing and take him out to a baseball game.

I could see that being interesting with the right writer, though TBH if Jason was written to respond negatively, I feel like it would be less about "conservative talking points" for him, in a political sense, and more from a more nebulous social sort of toxic masculinity -- y'know, that thing straight people do where they learn you're same-sex attracted in some way and they start immediately assuming you're attracted to them specifically, that you're going to hit on them or oggle them in the changing room or whatever.

That feels a little more in line with Jason as a character in terms of potential flaws that could then get a negative response from the rest of the family and provoke a change of heart. The way he gets written reminds me a lot of the libertarians I've known in Texas and Alaska who don't care who you fuck but think it's their god-given right to rig their property with land mines and shoot anyone who looks at them funny.

Nah, the character who tends to get written with full conservative political talking points, on top of a canon personality with some pretty blatant heteronormative baises that mean she really should've responded more negatively than she was written to, is Steph. Little miss "I need to defend the suburbs from the invasion of inner-city Black thugs gangsters with guns" who rants about how much she hates Bill Clinton and thinks the guy who's very obviously trying to jump her like a poorly-trained dog in her Batgirl run is clearly dating the female friend he called a bitch in his first line of dialogue, right up until she sees him hug an unnamed male friend, at which point she (or at least her audience) apparently? decided he was gay??? despite the fact that he spends the rest of the series making sad puppy dog eyes anytime she shows another man affection.

That's not even getting into all the times she accused Tim of cheating on her at the drop of a hat...

(Yes, I'm still salty about the Tim Drake Pride Special bullying Tim into outing himself to Steph to soothe her delicate ego and let her play the ~perfectest most supportive widdle ally who ever lived~. I don't blame Fitzmartin for it at all but fuck that shit.)

[beevean]

I know TvTropes is edited by different people, but I would dearly love to understand their general logic.

You find this in the YMMV page of Lament of Innocence:

Mathias is not afforded much grace for acting out of desperate grief, to the point that apparently some thought he didn't even deserve a second chance in the form of Soma.

Now, I would argue that LoI doesn't even expect you to cry over Mathias. It's very obvious that he has become a despicable person, using his friend as a pawn, causing the death of said friend's fiancée and not shedding a compassionate tear over her, and even believing he would be joined in immortality. But yes, I agree, Mathias is pitiable only to an extent: "wife died" is not exactly a compelling argument for rejecting humanity to the degree that he did.

... but then what about this, TvTropes? From the YMMV page of NFCV?

(you'd think Mathias would also get the moniker of Jerkass Woobie. nope)

One, NFCV didn't come up with the idea of Dracula lashing out due to the grief of Lisa's death. It comes from SoTN. NFCV only put more emphasis on it. Stop giving the show undeserved credit.

Two, really? Really. N!Dracula is really that sympathetic, that most of the voices he gets are all about how much of a poow bapyboy he is? What the hell do you mean, "he makes a good case against humanity"???? This piece of shit wanted to exterminate humankind and vampirekind (because he was aware that they'd all starve to death, he just refused to give a fuck) because one village didn't rise up against a bishop! When he yells "there are no innocents, not anymore", do you take him seriously?????

He does get a Moral Even Horizon voice, but it feels half-hearted, to say the least:

If you think it's hard not to sympathize with him and that being brought back as a treat rectifies it, then by definition it's not a Moral Event Horizon, because the very definition of the trope is that it's an act that makes a character completely and utterly unforgivable, on par with Griffith sacrificing the Band of the Hawk and raping Casca, to make a famous example.

(funnily enough they do the same with Lenore under the same trope, saying that apparently she understood that she crossed the line and tried to make amends. There's not, however, mention of Isaac killing innocent people and defiling their corpses for his selfish purposes. Inch-resting.)

I really, really am made uncomfortable by the serious apologism N!Dracula gets, and only because he cries a little more than his game counterpart. "He makes a good case against humanity", huh? Do you have any idea how many genocides started from motivations that were seen as reasonable? How many dictators tried, and are trying, to kill many for the perceived sins of few? Yes, I am fully aware that N!Dracula is a fictional villain, and he benefits from a cool design, suave voice, and multiple Pet The Dog Moments, I'm not really saying that his fans condone real crimes... but just like Lenore fans who justify her abuse and rape with real life rape apologism arguments such as "Hector consented at first" or "she wanted his own good", the rhetoric used here is honestly appalling.

But yes, on a pettier note, I'm also salty that game Dracula isn't afforded the same sympathy, even though he too is bereaved by grief. He just doesn't express it in a pitiable enough way. It's easier to go all 🥺 at a depressed man moping in a chair, isn't it? Ignore how said depressed man has hired two misanthropes to Forge demons to routinely send to slaughter innocent humans! It's off-screen, after all :) you don't need to see it :)

But you know who gets called Unintentionally Unsympathetic in the show?

And here I say what I said about Mathias: there is nothing "unintentional" about this, the show has zero pity for the peasants who were slaughtered. Much like you, person who roots for Dracula, the writing too painted them as stupid because believing the CHURCH BAD, and therefore, like all stupid people, deserving of gruesome punishment. Peasants are low-class and religious, and as such deserve death. "Cool" murderers like Dracula and Isaac, who are so intelligent and above the petty masses, instead deserve everything on a silver platter.

I really despise this show and the messages it sends. And the general anti-game bias, of course.

[librarylexicon]

20 Questions for Writers

EDIT: Now with question 17!

Tagged by @cuephrase (ty bb!!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

32 (that are attached to my account).

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

283,405. I very nearly posted 100,000 of them last year, and only noticed when I looked at my stats in January. If I'd known, I would have posted something else to get it over that line!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, just Batman, but in the past I've written for Harry Potter, Anne of Green Gables, Little Men, Tintin and a handful of other fandoms. I have a Road to Avonlea fic tentatively in the works, and might return to any of these fandoms if inspiration strikes.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All the Corners That Are Left is an outlier in my stats because it has more than three times as many kudos as the runner-up. It's an exchange fic that was my first foray into posting Batfam fics, and I liked writing it so much that it actually sparked a loose series of Post-Crisis oneshots, currently called Corners.

Family Crisis is my beloved canon divergence AU of War Games. It's the first fic I started writing for Batman, and I'm so happy that people are reading it. It's very comics-oriented, but still easy to follow without having touched a comic (imo).

Harry Potter and the Time-Turner is the first multichapter fic I ever wrote and completed, back when I was in my early teens. I won't reread it, lest I die of cringe, but I'm bemusedly grateful that it still gets hits and kudos.

Home Assignment is a Dick whump fic I drafted quite a while ago, and finally had an opportunity to finish and publish when I signed up for a Dick Grayson event. I had fun playing around with unreliable narration in this one!

In Retrospect is a HP fic that was written for a challenge where I was given five prompts and a week to produce five one-shots. I chose to make mine interconnected missing scenes set during and after Deathly Hallows, and particularly like how Painfully Abnormal turned out.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! It's a habit that's carried over from my fanfiction.net days, and I receive a manageable amount of comments, so I try to respond to every one. (The only reason I might not is when someone leaves a string of comments that are all very brief. In that instance, I tend to reply to the final comment only.) I adore reading and replying to comments! 🫶

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I've always been an angst lover. The Last Enemy, one of my oldest fics, ends with (canonical) apparent character death, and For the Sake of Our Son ends with both main characters (canonically) dying. How fun!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Other than a shipfic that's now anonymous, I don't know! I tend to go for uplifting or satisfying endings without necessarily aiming for happy ones (although I rarely have unhappy endings). Maybe You Know I Love You? I do also have a handful of Batman ficlets that I recently wrote for a zine, and there's definitely fluff among them.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I think I got some on fanfiction.net back in the day, but the most hate I've received that I can remember is people being salty about a couple of fics I began when I was a teenager and never finished. I'm sorry, but it's been almost a decade! Yes, you can and should resist the urge to tell me that you don't respect authors who abandon fics!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope!

10. Do you write crossovers?

While I've toyed with quite a few crossover ideas over the years, I've only published one, which is a Rise of the Guardians and Peter Pan one-shot called Lost Boy.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I can't recall any specific instances, but many of my fics have been on the internet for a long time, so they've definitely been scraped for knockoff sites, if nothing else.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, three times! Harry Potter and the Time-Turner has been translated into French, Shirley Not has been translated into German and At Home, They Call Me Tintin has been translated into Chinese. (Links to these translations are in my fanfic masterlist on Dreamwidth.)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I'm open to the idea! I'd have to really know the other author and get over my control freak tendencies, though...

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't ship much (to the point where I have plenty of NOTPs), but I do love TimSteph, and I have soft spots for DickBabs and BatCat (Bruce/Selina) as well. All-time favourite, though? That would have to be Anne and Gilbert from the Anne of Green Gables series.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Before the War(drobe). Narnia fandom, I really want to return to you someday, but I have a couple things to do first!

16. What are your writing strengths?

My most positive comments almost always mention characterisation. I also think I write dialogue pretty well. In my mind, well-written dialogue is essential to good characterisation.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Even though I write about characters who are superheroes, I rarely write about them BEING superheroes, because I struggle with action scenes. Also description, but I like to think I've grown better at it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't like to use non-Latin characters in my fics for readability reasons, and I don't like to include dialogue in another language if I don't know the language. So, when my characters speak a language other than English, I either just use an English translation with a dialogue attribution (e.g. She said in Spanish) or just use the attribution without the dialogue, depending on whether or not the POV character understands the language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter! I wrote for it before I knew what fanfic was. I also joined the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges forum on fanfiction.net back in the day, which led to my most prolific ficwriting period.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

My favourite fics tend to be my most recent ones, because they're the ones I've spent the most time on and am most proud of. I can never pick one of anything (as you've probably noticed), so my current favourites are:

Family Crisis – longtime labour of love and Bruce character study

All the Corners That Are Left – Dick character study feat. Jason

Flight Mode – Tim character study feat. Bruce

Phew, that was a lot of questions! I think a lot of people have already been tagged 😅

Scrolling through my mutuals and no-pressure tagging @silverwhittlingknife @geevesthevieve @batrachised @freyafrida and @silent-silver-slip and any other fic writers who see this! 🫶

[runfreebirdrun]

got any funny weed stories?

Rissa, all I am is funny weed stories.

Let me give you the classic, though, the most well-known: the Build-A-Bear story.

My buddy's dad used to make these insane pot brownies that my buddy calls "sotweeds." Normally, to make pot brownies, you put some pot in the butter and mix a little of that with normal butter, bake, enjoy. His dad, being a middle-aged gnomish sort of man with a goatee, had insane tolerance: sotweeds were *100%* pot butter. They were cut into strange little asymmetrical pieces rather than squares for no good reason. His dad would make like 50 of these at a time and store them in his freezer.

So, once, when we were younger and not-too-much dumber, my buddy stole a bunch of the chunks and we took (too many) gleefully outside an aquarium. The fun thing about the Cubist approach his dad took to cutting the signature brownies meant that the THC content of whatever chunk you just took was between you and God. Any given chunk could be either mostly chocolate chip, or the type of shit to make you see the hat man. This time, we rolled the dice and got snake eyes.

The aquarium was great. The shark tunnel was beautiful, and I made eye contact with a sea bass. An anemone hugged my fingers in the petting pool and I felt connected to the world in a new sense. And then, I pulled the fire alarm in the elevator.

It was an accident — I just leaned on the side of the elevator for a second, but as it turned out, that's how you press the alarm button. My friends and I made frightened eye contact and decided instantly: we had to flee the scene. We were wanted criminals, now, and nothing would ever be the same.

So we hike our asses out through the gift shop and in the bright light of the afternoon we stand looking down the steep staircase from the aquarium and right then, the edible hits.

We'd spent an hour and a half in the aquarium. The average pot brownie hits about forty minutes in, and lasts for a couple of hours. My last un-fried brain cells did the math: if it was still hitting *now,* we were only going to get higher.

Have you ever played a multiplayer video game on a really, really, poor connection, Rissa? I was rubber-banding. My ping was low. As I walked carefully down these stairs, I could feel the frames drop.

We descend into the nightmarish tourist trap neighborhood around the aquarium, and the least high of us goes and buys some too-salty fries to take the edge off. I sit on a bench and wonder: will I ever think again?

The only way out is through. My buddy suggests that we need some child-like whimsy to set us right. We go to Build-A-Bear, for the first time in my life.

You have to understand: I'm clutching my debit card in my hands the whole time because I don't trust myself to operate a zipper when we get to the cash register. At one point, I think I actually teleported across the room. I can see through walls. I can see new colors.

The heart ceremony? I felt that shit. You try being that high and told by an over-enthusiastic Build-A-Bear employee that you're sewing the soul into this animal you've adopted. I reveled in the joy of divine creation.

We get to the bit where you name your Build-A-Bear, and I decide the funniest possible name for this stuffed dinosaur is, all caps, "SPECIES." My weed-addled fingers typo, and I decide not to fix it. We get to the register, and I am not kidding you: 137 fiscal US dollars.

I teleport home by a method unknown to me to this day. I pass out instantly, and wake up, $137 poorer, to a red dinosaur Build-A-Bear wearing a promotional "I <3 Crabs" shirt, a full brown wig for a woman, and a Build-A-Bear birth certificate. Name: SPRCIES.

Her birthday's coming up.