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#I'm going to be so burnt out on sunday from all my feelings
elitehoe · 2 years
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Full Gear Predictions
BUY IN
Best Friends vs The Factory. How many times I gotta say I'm not rooting for that man QT. Besties for the win.
Eddie Kingston vs Jun Akiyama. I'm here for a damn good time ok. Either winner will please me
Ricky Starks vs Brian Cage. Ricky Starks next question.
MAIN SHOW
Chris Jericho vs Bryan Danielson vs Claudio Castagnoli vs Sammy Guevara. First off it's diabolical I keep having to see Bryan wrestle Jericho and Sammy on aew television. With that being said if Bryan loses another ppv match I'm going to move into a cave and never talk to anyone again.
Wardlow vs Samoa Joe vs Powerhouse Hobbs. Bitch big beefy men slapping meat that's what I want and that's what I will be seeing. Fuck the result, I'm here for the tiddies.
Jeff Jarrett and Jay Lethal vs Sting and Darby Allin. It's really nice of TK to give me a 20 minute intermission like I know I'm going to be an anxious mess waiting for the Elite or completely ruined from the Elite match so this is just so sweet of TK to give me an intermission!!!!
Jade Cargill vs Nyla Rose. I've predicted this to be one of my favorites. I want to see murder mommy Jade go absolutely feral, but I want Nyla to come out with the win. My original pick to dethrone Jade was Kris Stat, but as there has been no news on her recovery, I'll take Nyla for the win. Nyla and Stat can run it back at I don't know, Revolution this time for the TBS title.
Elite vs Death Triangle. Welcome home my loves!!! I want to see pure disastrous fashion, I want you to be loud, flashy, annoying and obnoxious upon your return. I hope you lose tho, love you ❤️❤️ !!!
Toni Storm vs Jamie Hayter. Jamie deserves this win and her first feud should be Britt to finally solidify herself against Britt and Rebel. If Toni retains its for the simple fact that they want to pick up with Toni vs Thunder once she returns, which is fine, but Jamie really does deserve this win.
Jungle Boy vs Luchasaurus. Here for the violence, here for all of the violence. I want to see them go at it, I want to feel like I'm watching jurassic park.
Britt Baker vs Saraya. I know Britt will take care of Saraya, which does calm my nerves a little, but I am wishing Saraya all the best vibes and luck during this match. I'm rooting for a good healthy safe match for both women!
The Acclaimed vs Swerve In Our Glory. Swerve goes feral and ends up costing Keith the match, which can hopefully give me the Swerve vs Keith feud I've been craving. Billy's hands magical heal so he can scissor his boys and the crowd can sing my favorite song.
Jon Moxley vs MJF. Max is winning and it is a well deserved win, I always pictured Max as champ after Hangman's reign. There was lots of obstacles to this, but Max will finally be champ and thats all that matters. Mox has been on another level this year and I'm giving him all his flowers, but as much as I love champ Mox he doesn't need this win. He also deserves a long vacation with his girls!
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v0rpalsword · 8 months
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On Calling Out Antisemitism... in the Crossword
So I like to do crosswords. It's fun, sometimes I learn random facts, it exercises my brain, and that jolt of satisfaction when I figure out the gimmick brightens my day. I usually do it on the Washington Post, which is the same as the LA Times, mainly because it's free (though these days I pay for the WP in large part because I like Alexandra Petri's pieces, but I digress.)
So there I am, working on the Sunday crossword at work on a quiet Monday morning, and the clue is "sanctimonious sort." Could be many things, I skip it and continue. Slowly, as I get some of the crosses, I say to myself, "surely this isn't going to be 'pharisee'. I'm gonna be so mad if the answer is 'pharisee.'"
The answer was Pharisee.
If you don't know why that's a problem, in brief: The Pharisees were the precursors to modern Rabbinic Judaism, and that word has been used by those enacting violence upon us for centuries-- throughout blood libels, Inquisition, crusades, expulsions, etc. When "pharisee" means "sanctimonious, hypocritical, self-righteous, etc." and "pharisee" also means "Jew" even of the historic variety, it tends to be extremely bad news for the actual living Jews of whatever era it is.
So I wrote the editors of the LA Times and the Washington Post, and I said so. I told them about the history of the term. I told them that at a time when antisemitism across the United States is rising alarmingly, it is, at best, deeply irresponsible of the newspapers to allow this insidious conflation of Judaism with moral corruption and hypocrisy to appear in what ought to be a light-hearted game.
And you know what? I got a response from the LA Times within hours apologizing for the harm and saying they'd reached out to the crossword writing company to discuss it. I got a response from the acquisitions editor, who had spoken with the crossword editor, conveying their sincere apologies, saying that they were unaware of the antisemitic implications of the term, and they would never intentionally cause harm. They thanked me for bringing it to their attention, and also thanked me for my suggestion of an alternate clue ("Contemporary of Jesus").
We on Jumblr and in the Jewish community offline have spent so much time talking our throats hoarse and our typing fingers sore about the harms of antisemitism, especially since October 7. I know many of us are feeling frustrated, burnt out, and hopeless. We start to wonder what the point is, when none of it seems to be making a dent. I almost didn't send that email. I almost let it go. I let myself be distracted by work, forgot about it for a week or so until something reminded me and I got angry all over again, and then I sent off an email that I expected to be buried in the inbox to maybe get a response in a month or so, because even if it never got read, at least I knew I had written it. But it did get read, and it got shared with the relevant people, and they cared.
Sometimes people listen. Sometimes they learn. Sometimes, all it takes is one person saying "hey, this hurt me."
I'm taking the win today.
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dating RE2R!Leon Kennedy... and what Taylor Swift songs it would be like
pairings: Leon Kennedy x GN!Reader
warnings: just your typical canon violence mentioned, Leon's trauma is discussed.
requested?: nope!
word count: 2343
a/n: guys i'm sorry for being gone for so long! i said i was gonna post this on sunday but i have commitment issues. so yeah this is my take on Leon Kennedy. specifically RE2R!Leon. i want to do all eras (if you will) of Leon but i'm nervous that i'm gonna like...BUTCHER his character. so sorry if he's out of character or anything! also this is a long one so buckle up.
also if you're new to my blog then these are headcanons mixed with Taylor Swift inspired blurb type of thing at the end.
okay being honest y'all
dating Leon before and after Raccoon City are way two different experiences (because duh trauma and all that good shit)
so let's start with before Raccoon City
a common thing I see is that he's like a puppy dog which ok yeah
but I'd like to put my own spin on him ok?
anyway
even before Raccoon City, Leon is definitely traumatized from his family yknow…
being brutally murdered
which makes him hesitant to get into a relationship
but when he first meets you, he’s already absolutely smitten
I picture Leon to be a very awkward yet sweet lover
like sure he's had partners before you but I think you'd be the first person he sees a realistic future with
he doesn’t want to ruin anything with you
he may be a 21 year old man
but romance and being in love makes him feel/act like a blushing high school girl
what can he say? he's a hopeless romantic
he's the type to remember small anniversaries at the beginning of y'all dating
and makes somewhat of a big deal out of them
"happy 4 months babe! I got us dinner reservations at (your favorite restaurant) :)"
oh yeah he loves to use pet names
babe and honey are the names he uses the most
chivalry isn't dead when it comes to Leon
always holding doors for you
getting you "just because" flowers
definitely is the type of guy to wait for you to tie your shoe while everyone else is walking ahead
his love language receiving is physical touch and giving love language is words of affirmation
knows you can stand up for yourself but won't hesitate to put someone in their place for you
taking things super slow because he doesn't want to rush into things
didn't actually kiss you until the fifth date
and he asked for permission of course
holds your hand every time you guys go out together
his favorite types of dates would be walks through the park and picnics
it's cheesy sure but classic and he loves to hear you talk
also loves to make you laugh
one of his favorite sounds to exist
has tried to cook a romantic dinner for you once
but got distracted by how beautiful you are and almost burnt the place down
yes he almost died from embarrassment but eating take out and cuddling with you was worth it
mans is such a supportive boyfriend and your #1 fan
he loves to imagine your guys’ future together
when he gets into the police academy he's a bit worried about the relationship
but when he sees your eyes light up and the way you squeeze him once he tells you the news
he wants to laugh at himself for having doubts in the first place
dating while he was in the academy was tough but y'all made it work
was shocked when you agreed to come with him to Raccoon City
but happy nonetheless
wow! everything he's ever dreamed of is coming true
your guys relationship is stronger than ever and you both are on the path to success
what could go wrong??
...Raccoon City is what could go wrong.
so your relationship after the events of Raccoon City is... different
you weren't there with him during that unfortunate night in Raccoon City
he thanks God or whatever higher being for that
truthfully you were one of the things that got him through that fateful night
whenever it felt hopeless, he thought about your smile and the way your eyes crinkle when you do
that kept him going throughout the horrors he saw
also just the fact that he wanted to tell you “I love you” one last time
trying not to throw up when you hear about Raccoon City
not being able to get ahold of Leon was one of the worse things you'd ever been through
finally getting a hold of him and the both of you sobbing into the phone
"I thought you were gone and I was going to be alone-" "I would never leave you. Never in a million years."
when you finally see him, you give him a long hug
you were careful about touching his shoulder of course
he's not exactly the Leon you knew before
the light that used to sparkle in his eyes had been put out
but he still looks at you like you hung the moon in the sky
being there by his side during nightmares and calming him down
helping take care of his shoulder wound for a while
studying up on PTSD to understand him better
squeezing his hand when he gets that faraway look in his eyes
patience and understanding becoming your best friends
doesn't open up right away with what happened in Raccoon City
if/when he does, it's a loooong night of him slowly opening up and talking about it
and you of course listening
holding him and being gentle with him when he eventually breaks down
sometimes he lashes out at you when he's in that headspace
but he immediately apologizes after and that brings him out of it
constantly reassuring him about things
the date nights y'all have now consists of ordering take out and cuddling on the couch
binge watching cheesy sitcom series becomes another way of spending time together
it’s a way of trying to hold onto the sliver of normalcy between you two
he feels bad about not being ready to go out in the world yet but again you reassure him it's okay
embarrassed that you take care of him because he thinks it should be the other way around
he was already protective of you before Raccoon City
but he becomes even more protective after
mans is like a guard dog okay?
he's not trying to be overbearing, he just wants to know where you're going out to incase something happens
reminiscing on his favorite memories with you before everything happened
having you by his side helps ground him when he feels a panic attack coming on
communication becomes more important than ever (even if it's the hardest thing he can do sometimes)
him thinking you deserve better than him
yet being so in love with you that the thought of losing you makes him physically ill
makes sure to tell you that he loves you at least once a day because that’s all he could think about during Raccoon City
no he doesn't tell you about how the government threatened yours and Sherry's lives if he didn't join
that isn’t your burden to shoulder
he tries to do his best with keeping certain details from you
mostly because it makes him sick to think about and he doesn’t want you to worry more
you're the last thing he has from his life before Raccoon City
he wouldn't dare dream of letting you go
can't imagine his life without you
Okay so this was a bit tricky for me! I personally think that Fearless (from Fearless (Taylor’s Version)) and The Great War (from Midnights) fit RE2R!Leon the best. For those who aren’t familiar with Taylor’s music, Fearless is about the start of a relationship and the fearlessness of falling in love. I think that it’s a happy and upbeat love song and perfectly fits RE2R!Leon before Raccoon City. The Great War is about a couple having a rough patch in their relationship, but promising each other they’ll stick together throughout it. Which if that doesn’t scream post Raccoon City Leon then I don’t know what does.
Leon may have physically survived that devastating night in Raccoon City, but mentally, huge pieces of who he was had died. No longer was he that bright eyed rookie ready to help change the world. Now he was an ex cop who got an unwanted promotion that only reminded him of the horrors he witnessed.
Hopelessness was something that hung in the back of his mind every day. His smile didn’t reach his eyes anymore. It had only been two months, but he was still constantly on his guard. Even when he attempted to get some sleep, he couldn’t allow himself to relax. Nightmares of what happened in Raccoon City had constantly plagued his dreams. Sometimes he swore he could hear that monster’s loud footsteps down the hallway in the shared apartment.
One of the only things that seemed to keep him pushing through the dark was his partner. Being around you helped calm his racing mind. You were like a warm blanket in the cold darkness his mind had been in the past month. No matter what, your hand was the thing he had constantly been reaching out for.
Small things would trigger unpleasant flashbacks which made his stomach turn. A week ago you had accidentally dropped a pan you were reaching for, and the loud bang sounded too much like a gunshot for comfort. One moment he was in his apartment and the next he was back in Raccoon City. He could smell the rotting flesh and hear the groans of the undead. His breathing had quickened, and he immediately got ready to defend himself from monsters that Guilt ate at you as you attempted to calm him down.
"Leon honey, it's okay. You're at home with me. You’re having a flashback." Your honey coated voice reminded him. This wasn’t the first time he had an episode and it wouldn’t be the last. After a few minutes of reminding him to describe his surroundings and breath, you finally managed to coax him out of that state of mind. It had become second nature for you to remind him that nothing from Raccoon City could get to him anymore. When he finally was able to calm down, he immediately reached for you. Tears had brimmed his eyes and seeing that broken look on his face crushed your heart. Why must good people like him go through the worst things?
The worse thing for Leon is when he would unintentionally lash out at you. He couldn't stop the venomous words that accidentally left his mouth. Punishing for things you never did left a bitter taste in his mouth.
"Jesus Christ, just leave me alone for a moment!" He'd snapped the other day when it had been particularly hard to get out of bed. You had been asking him questions about how he was feeling, and if he needed anything. Just being a caring partner. God the look of hurt that had flashed upon your face was one he could never forget. Apologies had never escaped from him faster than that moment. It was like putting Band-Aids over bullet holes (no pun intended) and he knew that these outbursts of his weren’t fair to you.
You were an angel sent down from heaven, this was something he was sure of. Why did he have to keep flying off the handle over the smallest things? Realistically he knew that you were only human and made mistakes. He knew you were just trying to take care of him. Dark circles had begun to form under your eyes from the lack of sleep you had been getting. That was because of him and his night terrors. His heart ached for you, and he had never hated himself more for that.
Leon was so caught up in his thoughts about you and everything that he hadn’t noticed you enter the small living room. The first thing you had noticed was that faraway look in his eyes. You had called out his name before making your way to sit by him on the leather couch. Hearing your voice made him come back to earth, and his thoughts grew quiet once he saw you.
“Hey love. You alright?” Your voice was gentle as you reached for his hand. He hadn’t hesitated to grab it. Of course you knew he wasn’t okay. Leon usually wore his heart on his sleeve. Your thumb gingerly rubbed his knuckles as you waited for his response. Leon was hesitant to tell you everything he had been thinking. After an internal debate, he figured it’s the least he could do as your boyfriend.
“I’m…sorry for snapping at you the past couple of months.” He finally responded after a moment. You furrowed your eyebrows in response. As much as you had appreciated his apology, it felt like it came out of nowhere. What the hell had triggered this?
“I’m sorry about being the reason you haven’t slept well, and just sorry in general. You deserve better than me.” Words were overflowing from his mouth before he could stop it. He squeezed your hand as he continued. “I don’t know why I’ve been so… awful towards you and there’s just-“
“Leon stop.” You interrupted him. For a moment he seemed like his old self as he looked at her with those puppy dog eyes of his. “Look, I appreciate your apology. But you also just went through a traumatic experience. You’re not gonna just bounce back.”
Scooting closer, you wrapped your arms around his waist. Your head rested on his chest and you could hear his heartbeat. It was a soothing sound, reminding you that your boyfriend was alive and here in your arms. His arms fell into place on your back.
“I don’t care if you think I “deserve better”. You’re what I want, no matter what. I will always be yours.” Pulling yourself back, you cupped his cheeks into your hands. Hearing you vow your love to him like that made his heart flutter. Leaning forward, you planted a soft yet tender kiss on his lips.
Yes, Leon knew that there was no way in hell you guys could return back to the way your relationship was before. He wasn’t the same person as before, but he was slowly realizing you weren’t the same person either. In this moment with you, he knew you guys would survive this war zone inside his head.
He would make sure of it.
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faeriekit · 1 month
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🥭 Rank from most enjoyable/fun to write to least: Fluff, Smut, Angst, Crack.
I can't remember which fic got me into your writing but I am really enjoying health and hybrids I think the attention to detail with language barriers is neat 😊 I feel like these options can be mixed a lot in writing would the ranking change depending on the combos?
I need you to know before anything that I had half this post penned and my computer randomly refreshed my post and burnt all of it. 💀
So. I can't. Uh. I can't do all of my fics on a scale, because of, um,
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that. So. I'm just going to do a straight best to worst. Sound good? Great because I have no other idea how to tackle any of this.
Fluff:
Best: Snowdrift Sanctuary. Although even my best fluff has a little bit of angst in it, this is a sweet, warm story of inter-species fostering and the care it provides. What's not to love? It was even a Phic Phight fill, so I got to surprise someone with it.
Worst: Rituals and Rites. There's nothing wrong with this one; it's a cute ask fill, it's got some great silliness in it and a little irreverence, and I'm always happy to archive my stuff on ao3 lest tumblr finally pull the plug, but I always dislike uploading individual lil' things onto ao3 when there isn't much to them. It's not bad, I just...don't have a lot of fluff to pad out this binary lol
Smut:
Best: Lazy Sunday. By the time I got to this one I'd largely already hit my stride writing smut stuff, I liked how this couple gelled (and even have a few as-yet-unwritten scenes of their relationship I may never get around to!) and I like the couple as they are: weird and complicated and persevering into a yet-unseen realm of intimacy! I'm also not super into the kink in question, so it was super nice to see the piece well received by people who are into it and thought it worked well lol. How sad would it be if you tried to write a niche kink and it ended up completely flopping lmao T_T I'd never show my face in this town again.
Worst: A Visitation. Do not get me wrong, I love this fic, but you gotta remember that I wrote the first chapter completely exhausted and out of my gourd with fucking cauvid. 😭 I'm shocked it came out coherent at all! And everyone helped me workshop the last chapter, and it took forever to the point where I was writing like thousands of words a day and it was eating up my whole life...and sometimes I still go back in to reread it and I find MORE errors! 😭😭 This fic had all the birthing pains! Worth it, but OW!
Angst:
Best: Dig Three Graves In Apartment 31C. I rreeeeeeally almost put Hybrids here, but in the end, Hybrids is a hopeful recovery fic. This fic is all grief and loss and the stench of the aftermath of acute trauma in the air. It is sad— sometimes I still get comments shocked at how well it worked lol— and although the excruciatingly tough epilogue yon author had to write lifts it a little, it's not... There's no cure for this. Everyone in this picture is dead. That's just the way it is.
Worst: Feet on the Ground. A similar deal: I really like this fic but there wasn't a great ending line to close on so it's just...mediocre. I probably should have just waited to see if time would fix it, but it was a Phic Phight fill and we're kind of on a timer during the event, and I wanted to get it out so I could start working on other people's asks, so... 6/10. Fascinating concept, mid execution.
Crack:
Best: Infection versus Infestation. It was either this or one of the MPreg fills lmao, and I just. There's just so much going on here. The support network. The mental health. The powerpoint presentations. Bees. Medical pamphlets. Aliens. QPRs. Maybe the real fic is in the groupchats you made along the way. No notes hands down my one true rec for weird fics; all the way up and all the way down, it's inherently GenderFucked and surreal and young idiot adult bullshit. I love them your honor.
Worst: Percy Jackson, God of the Shrimps. A discord in-joke never makes sense as a discord out-joke. I am astounded people read this to this very day. I make it worse every time I even mention it in a post, but hey, that's showbiz. If you read this and actually found something there, more power to you. If you read this and were like "???"...yeah lmao
I'm glad you're liking health and hybrids so far! It's so funny to think that Hybrids used to be my downtime fic to recover from my other fics lmao...now it's beating Blister Pack to the tune of an additional 100,000 hits. I genuinely can't even conceptualize that number in my head. It's a such a bonkers concept that so many people could be glancing at a medical trauma fic from lil' ol' me. High school Faer who took anatomy classes for fun would be ecstatic. In the end, I tried to get a couple of unique fics to fill each category just because I like them so much. Sue me. It's my fic and sometimes I wanna talk about them with people lol.
Thanks for asking! 🧡🧡🧡🧡 This was fun!
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captainjunglegym · 7 months
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Several Sentence Sunday - 03/03/2024
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Hello all! Hope you've all had a stellar week.
Tagged today by the wonderful @bigassbowlingballhead @magicandarchery @getmehighonmagic. All wonderful writers and excellent friends.
I have just updated No.1 (Royal Red and Blue) Oil on Canvas (dang thats like a fall out boy song title i s2g) so you could go give that a little read if ya like. Only one more chappy for that one!
I have so many WIPs going on rn. I know you love my smut but lets save that for next week bc they're almost done. Here is some more angst. I've got two for ya:
Untitled Henry doesnt want kids fic (canon divergent future fic):
Alex fucks into Henry like he’s got a point to prove. It’s missionary because they want to pretend look at each other, but Alex’s unfocused gaze lands somewhere slightly above Henry’s right shoulder. Like he’s looking right through him. Henry closes his eyes. He’d almost suggested Alex do him from behind to save them both from looking the other in the eye, but that would have meant them both letting on that something was the matter. Henry presses his head back into the pillow when he comes with a muffled cry. Alex pushes in deep as his own orgasm takes over, his teeth biting into his bottom lip so hard Henry thinks he can see a spot of blood. He doesn’t collapse onto Henry and push his face into his neck, like usual. Instead, he sits back on his knees, his gaze falling to where Henry’s legs are splayed around him. He makes an abortive move to press a palm to Henry’s thigh, but he rests it on the bed. Later they lie, side by side, shoulder to shoulder, with a two-inch gap. Close enough Henry can feel the heat radiating off of Alex, but far enough away that Henry is reminded of the chasm that is growing between them.
And one more:
Air Crash Investigation AU
The rain hits him hard. It's cold and dark and there's nothing left in the field. The grass is burnt into a muddy slurry and there's the occasional bolt or wire stuck up from the dirt. But there's nothing in this field anymore. Alex reaches out and grabs his hand. "I'm sorry, H." Henry squeezes Alex's palm. "I don't know what's wrong with me." He keeps looking out over the field. It's empty. There's no such thing as ghosts.
no pressure tags: @nocoastposts @anincompletelist @firenati0n @littlemisskittentoes @wordsofhoneydew @sparklepocalypse @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @sunnysideprince @eusuntgratie and anyone else who wants to do it (make sure to tag me)
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cazzyf1 · 5 months
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Some of my favourite quotes from Mike Hawthorn's car reviews in the Sunday Times
Did you know Britain's first world champion, Mike Hawthorn wrote car reviews? Every so often when a new car came out Mike was given it to drive around and give his expert review on the car. Though often times speeding them down Fleet Street as he went to test them out at the Silverstone track, Mike did have a good sense of what was needed in a car. In the reviews, his wit and typical British humour come through, and there were some parts I just had to write down, so here's my collection.
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'Stop fiddling with things on the dashboard. Forget the burnt toast or the row with your neighbour. Don't look at the aircraft's or the pretty girls. The way ahead is the only view that matters to the expert driver.'
'I WAS DEPRESSED BY the dangerous way the large and heavy doors opened forward.'
'It may seem unfair on the hawk that I should test it in such weather when other cars go through their paces in sunshine and on dry roads. I don't agree.'
'What a car it is...and oh! what a price it is, just under £7,000. I ignored the price and concentrated on the fun'
'And when I reluctantly left the Bentley I just had to take one more walk round and admire the perfect lines of its body.'
'Engine: 9, Comment: This Minx purrs'
'Cornering: 9, Comment: Does just as its told'
'It is frustrating to find a car that won't be bullied. As a tester it is my job to make a car sequel for mercy'
'The new Standard Ten just purred at my treatment'
'Get in your car, relax. No more wheel hugging, no more clutching at it with hands like ham. Caress it, for only gentle fingers can feel what the car wants to do on corners.'
'Shame on you if you have to look out of the window to find out what three feet of clearance is.'
'Trimming and finish: 10, Comment: Those fussy French men liked it'
'A phrase for the place: The French motorists say snails are for eating not emulating'
'I sat in the T.R.2 full of suspicion and as cold as charity'
'I have never been so flattering about a car before and it embarrasses me'
'In a phrase: Hawthorn in wonderland'
'The absence of a fourth gear is a thing I deplore, but mine is a voice in the wilderness.'
'I have been accused of bad manners in desiring to head the car queue. I don't agree.'
'Dislikes: The cheap ash tray'
'"Typical American," I grumbled'
'Oh the anxiety as the time grew near and the car was still to be delivered'
'A skid is as easy to correct as a 5 year old's homework'
'Those critics of road-test reports make one accusation. They say I am too kind.'
'But if mother expects to get her handbag, a face cloth and towel for whipping sticky juvenile hands and all her bits and pieces on it she will be disappointed'
'A phrase for the car: A fastish hussy is the minx'
'There's no stocking big enough for the present I would have liked for, only a garage would hold it. A large garage with a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. A garage with old masters on the wall. I'm dreaming of a large Bentley'
'I am not going to the trouble of filling in a score card this week. Just assume that the Bentley gets a ten plus for everything'
'Compromise... that's the world right out of a politician's dictionary'
'I am a back seat driver. Every time I test a car I climb into the back and view life from there. And what a task it can be sometimes'
'Off on a holiday...with the kitchen sink'
'I shook my head to clear the thunder from my ears'
'My wind-scourged face thawed into a glow as I settled myself in'
'Trimming: 6, Comment: Oh dear!'
'Mike Hawthorn interrupts a road test to air a pet hate...those lumbering diesel buses which travel along in a reeking miasma of black fumes'
'Comfort: 9, Comment: My passengers slept'
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Here's what I'll say regarding choice of worship music (and I'm not 100% sure where I'm going with this, so bear with me): I think it's very easy to get burned out on specific kinds of worship, no matter what they are. And that kind of burn-out is hard.
I grew up at a church that did 95% CCM for worship, and after a while it either (a) exhausted me emotionally or (b) bored me. By the time I hit high school, I really really struggled with corporate worship because it felt as though I wasn't responding as I was supposed to. Getting to sing mostly hymns at the church I attended at college was a huge breath of fresh air, and it helped me immensely in terms of re-orienting my heart towards Christ-centered worship (as opposed to me-centered worship.) For the first time in my life, I found myself listening to Christian music on my own time during the week.
I watched the recent Jesus Revolution movie with mom over the summer. Her family started attending Calvary Chapel (then-nascent hippy church in Orange County) midway through her childhood, and she got really excited talking about the difference between the hymns she remembered from early elementary school ("we sang the whole hymnal rather than selecting for the really good ones like they do at your church") and the much more dynamic music that came out of Maranatha and other early "contemporary" Christian groups. She actually played me a whole bunch of the songs she grew up with the next morning. They sounded horrifically cheesy to me, but she got real joy out of it and even ended up texting a few songs to my aunt.
And yet, my mom has remarked a whole bunch of times to me that she really can't stand current CCM; that she desperately misses singing the old hymns. I look at myself and my own experience and I can totally see myself coming back to some of the CCM songs I grew up with and encountering Christ through them all new again. As recently as last month, I had a really beautiful experience driving back from a concert crazy late at night with my sister and listening to some of the old Chris Tomlin and Hillsong stuff that I hadn't heard in a while. It brought me back to a sense of incredible comfort and safety nestled up against God like a baby chick. Do I want to worship with that sort of music every week right now? No, definitely not. But it has its place.
Obviously worship transcends something as incidental as music genre. It's an expression of why we were created: glorifying God and enjoying him forever --- and yet, because of the fall, it's really easy to get burned out on specific expressions of worship. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing so much as just a symptom of the fall. I also think that people who are really burned out on a particular kind of worship can be really, really obnoxious about it. I know I was for a while, and I still definitely have my hangups with CCM.
But like- I don't think it's so much about judgement or superiority towards the kind of worship music that you're burnt out on as it is just the overwhelming sense that that kind of worship music felt exhausting and this kind of music actually feels like I'm able to worship again. I know when I started singing hymns at church, it just felt like I'd found the Rosetta Stone. I was suddenly so much less in my own head on Sunday mornings and oh my goodness singing to God was a joy again and I can't remember but I don't think it's ever been a joy like this before has it?? It was almost like my head was spinning with some great new revelation and when I was obnoxious about it it was mostly a manifestation of my being like Why didn't anyone ever tell me it could be like this? Why isn't everyone singing hymns? It's just so much better this way!
Mostly, it just feels like saying "don't be overly critical of how other Christians like to worship" kind of. Misses the trees for the forest, if that makes sense? Like, it's accurate to the big picture, it's absolutely a true and worthwhile thing to say. But at the same time it kind of rankles for me because it misses how it feels to be truly and deeply alienated by the kind of worship you're exposed to.
For better and for worse, worship is (I think) the spiritual discipline that engages the emotions most directly. The feeling of being in a group of people all worshipping together, and your heart just isn't responding right no matter how you try to re-focus and orient it? It's one of the loneliest feelings I know.
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letsgetrowdy43 · 2 years
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Ceilings—
Jack Hughes x fem!reader Warnings: Angst, Drinking, Implications of sex, lmk if anything else
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"Ceilings, plaster, can't you just make it move faster? Lovely to be sitting here with you. You're kinda cute, but it's raining harder, my shoes are now full of water. Lovely to be rained on with you, It's kinda cute but it's so short"
Jack's fingers tapped on the sticky diner counter, breakfast with his teammates had turned into longing stares and wandering eyes as he watched easily the most pretty girl he had ever had the pleasure of seeing drink her nearly empty coffee in peace. The sickly sweet smell of maple syrup and burnt bacon filled the air as the boys all paid off their tabs, leaving Jack to sit at the diner counter surrounded by empty plates and the crackling noise of Elvis playing over the radio.
His attention stuck on the girl hidden behind a newspaper, a pencil in her hand, the eraser end of it in her mouth as she stared at the daily crossword, annoyed mumbles leaving her mouth as she attempted to work out all of the words, followed by angry erasing as she accepted the defeat and moved on to the sudoku. A fuzzy feeling filled his chest as he subconsciously walked over to the corner booth in the back of the restaurant, he had seen this girl before, he had no idea where he knew her from but she felt familiar.
The light withers away with each step as he planted his feet in front of the girl. Her brows furrowed as she looked up at him, her newspaper forgotten on the table as she examined the harmless-looking boy who had a nervous smile on his face. Prominent smile lines appeared on his face as he opened his mouth to speak but lost confidence before the words could be formed, the girl smiled at his attempts and ushered for him to take the seat across from her.
"Are you good a crosswords puzzles?" she asked looking up at him, taking note of how cute he was He lightly shook his head no, "Do you at least talk", he swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "I'm sorry I just blacked out there" he whispered as she smiled at him, she shook her head and watched as he comfy himself on the soft velvet cushion of the bench, "you just look really familiar?" "I don't think I've ever met you before" she shook her head as his brows furrowed. "My name's Jack" he introduced himself watching her deflate in her seat, her eyes trained on the downpour of rain just outside the window.
"I am sorry to have to leave so soon, but I have to walk back to my apartment and I want to leave before the rain gets any worse" she frowned and stood up, the bills previously in her jacket pockets were now scattered on the table with a small portion of change for a tip.
She grabbed Jack's hand and took her one of the pens out of her purse, the ballpoint tip of the pen softly dug into his skin as she wrote on his palm. "Text me if you actually want to talk," she said before leaving the dinner and venturing out into the rain, "and with words" she taunted.
Jack looked down at her number scribbled on his skin, he looked up to see her through the window, her hair curling from the wet as she crossed the street. Her boots splashed in the rain as the cars and trucks waited for her to cross the street.
A giddy feeling arose as he looked back down at his palm.
"Then you're driving me home and I don't wanna leave, but I have to go. You kiss me in your car and it feels like the start of a movie I've seen before"
That one morning had turned into a plethora of breakfasts, every Sunday, like clock-work. The back booth, the dim lighting, the newspaper, and the smell of burnt coffee. It was a feeling of warmth shared between the two.
But now the girl found herself in his car, a night out with friends had turned into an evening of flirting and gentle touches the moment Jack and his friends had entered the bar. The six much taller and intimidating boys had entered the small pub-styled bar with booming energy, a night of celebration after the big win. The night was a kickstart to the much-needed All-Star break.
She sat at the table with tired eyes, her skin cool to the touch from the constant opening and closing of the entrance door. The fun high that comes with being wine drunk had long passed by as she dreaded the up-and-coming cab ride home. Jack once again stood in awe, her lipstick slightly smeared, her cocktail dress hugging her hips in the kind of ways that made jack's mouth run dry, the soft material riding up her thighs overwhelmed him in other ways that made him feel like the atmosphere in the room was slightly suffocating. She was so effortlessly pretty.
"Jack?" she smiled up innocently at the boy as he sat down next to her, her eyes slightly more hooded than usual, her cheeks warm and nipped pink from the alcohol still in her system. His wandering hands played with the soft flesh of her thigh as her friends interrogated the boy, amazed as to how their dearest friend could hide the dreamy hockey boy from them
Jack stared at his teammates who seemed to be enjoying the night a little too much, beer after beer as they danced around the bar, "you don't look to be having much fun" she whispered in his ear. He shook his head and brushed her hair out of the way of her ear so he could whisper back, "I still have to work this week, I leave for Florida in two days," she pouted as her fingers found themselves playing with the collar of his dress shirt.
"Do you want to get out of here?"
That's how the two of the ended up in front of her apartment, bruised lips and heaving chests as they bid each other goodbye for the third time in the past five minutes
Jack chased her lips as she pulled away once again, "you going away, does that mean you're gonna miss Sunday breakfast?" she frowned as he nodded. His lips travelled down her jaw, "I'll make it up to you" he mumbled into her skin.
He brought his lips up to hers once more, this time his kisses were filled with something that felt almost like love, slow and passionate. "You make me feel like I'm in a movie," she mumbled against his skin as they pulled away for the last time, "you feel like a forever superstar" she kissed his cheek, the nickname sending chills down his core as she got out of the car.
"Bedsheets, no clothes, touch me like nobody else does. Lovely to just lay here with you, you're kinda cute and I would say all of this, but I don't wanna ruin the moment. Lovely to sit between comfort and chaos"
Jack laid on his back, eyes closed as they finally settled into bed. She rest her head on his chest, the plush of her cheek squished into his sweaty skin as his fingers drew lines up and down her spine. It's moments like these where she feels herself slipping, the words of love on her tongue as she mentally reminisces about the feeling of his skin pressed up against hers.
His chest rose and fell rhythmically as she played with the gold chain around his neck, the feeling of the comforter swallowing them whole as they sunk deeper into silence. Blissful domestication surrounded them as they lay there waiting to see who would speak first.
She slowly repositioned herself so she could look Jack in the eyes, her elbows propped up to help her lean forward and kiss his collarbone. A grin on his face as he tucked her messy hair behind her ears, her lips ran over his skin as she light-nipped at his jaw. "You're beautiful" he whispered as she settled back down in his arms, his hand finally finding a place to rest on her torso, squeezing the bare flesh as he turns to look at her once more.
She grew nervous under his stare, forgetting that just mere minutes ago Jack was mumbling compliments into her skin, worshipping her as his hands grasped onto her, needing to be as close as he could possibly get. "You're prettier" she whispered back with a grin, her fingers gently raking through his damp curls. She smiled as she examined his hair, remembering that he had cancelled his appointment with his barber after she told him how she loved the length on him.
Something about the simplicity of their dynamic made her heart beat a little louder. It was this feeling of comfort that resided between them, but the chaos that came with the unknown.
Jack leaned forward and kiss her once more, gently brushing his lips against hers.
"But it's over, then you're driving me home, and it kinda comes out as I get up to go. You kiss me in your car, and it feels like the start of a movie I've seen before"
The term situation-ship was too easy of a word to explain whatever these two had going on.
It seemed as if the odds had never been quite in their favour, the off-season was just beginning meant that Jack would be returning back to Michigan to stay with his family for the summer. A summer fueled with beaches, boats, and an ungodly amount of golfing. After the summer ended she would be leaving Jersey to start school in Boston, a dream come true as she finally figured out what she wanted to do with her life.
He had begged her to go with him, to spend their last remaining days together in Michigan with him. But she had politely declined, knowing that the pain of it all would come crashing down if she had let the spark between them drag on.
Jack tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, nerves filled his senses as he turned down her street for the last time. His plane would be leaving in just a few hours, meaning these last few seconds were it, after this, they would be mere memories in each other's lives.
His free hand intertwined with hers, trying to ignore the quiet cries coming from her. Knowing that letting her go would be the best for the two of them.
"I love you" she mumbled, she brought his knuckles up to her lips as he parked the car in front of her apartment. "Don't say things like that" he mumbled back, his hand squeezing hers. "I mean it Jack, you will forever mean everything to me," her free hand wiped the tears off of his cheeks.
He turned to look at her, a weak smile on his face as he watched her, hope in her eyes as she waited for him to say it back. But saying those three simple words would solidify everything, It would make it real.
An ache rand through his chest as he looked around the streets knowing he would never visit this part of town again, his head turned back to look at her. He leaned in one last time a placed a gentle kiss on her lips, tasting the salty tears on her lips as his free hand wipe the new ones away.
She was the first to pull away, already missing the taste of gum on his tongue, "You're gonna do amazing things superstar," she whispered one last time before kissing his cheek, "just don't forget about me."
He placed one last kiss on her cheek before she got out of the car, pain filling all of her senses as she made it to the front door, turning around for just a second the wave goodbye one last time. He sat in the car, the dim light on and weakly smiled, waiting for her to get in the building safely. The moment she turned back around and enter the complex he let out a breath he had no idea he was holding.
That was their final goodbye
"But it's not real and you don't exist, and I can't recall the last time I was kissed. It hits me in the car and it feels like the end of a movie I've seen before, before"
She missed him, she couldn't recall what had evoked this feeling of emptiness that filled her chest, but something had triggered this bone-aching feeling.
School had been fine, but she missed intimacy, not just any intimacy. She missed the feeling of his touch, his gentle way with words, she missed his presence.
Jack had been having an amazing season, he'd been playing the best hockey she had ever seen. The interviews and the pictures of him everywhere she looked didn't help either, his voice constantly popping up on her social making a sick feeling turn in her stomach.
They had kept in contact for a better half of the summer before the replies became less frequent, and conversations grew less interesting as the melancholy feeling of an ending settled.
She now drove on the freeway, needing a break from the campus she had decided to drive back to Jersey for her reading week. There was a lump in her throat as the music in her car started to tune out, the sound of ringing in her ears got louder as she thought and thought some more about how truly alone she was.
She pulled over, cars speeding past her as she put her car into park on the shoulder of the highway, tears now rolling down her cheeks as she leaned her forehead against the steering wheel. She needed a break from her mind. A shaky breath left her lips as she pulled out her phone, the bright screen opened to instagram, the page refreshed and a photo of Jack popped up.
He stood on the ices crowded by his fellow teammates as they hugged him, excited about his overtime goal. His smile was bright as they patted his helmet, thousands of fans screaming in the background, that was his dream, this was his everything.
A groan escaped her lips as she dialled his number, knowing he was out with his friends celebrating the win, he wasn't going to answer she knew that. She just needed to be reminded that she wasn't a priority anymore.
The ringing started, it continued in her ears, monotone noises that crushed her heart a little more with each passing second, and then came his voicemail.
"Hey superstar, just wanted to congratulate you on the OT win" she took a deep breath and tried to steady her shaking voice, "we haven't spoken in a while and, well it's kind of stupid too but I missed your voice" she frowned and mentally hit herself. "God I'm so pathetic, I just miss this, I miss you. God, you're living your best life right now and I'm dwelling on just the thought of you. Just forget it, forget me, I clearly need to forget you" she hung up- the phone a threw it into the passenger's seat.
She shook her head, the palms of her hand digging into her eyes as she started her car again, vowing that from now in Jack Hughes was just a name, a memory that never existed.
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laneydays · 2 years
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you owe me, part 2 // billy showalter x reader
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i dont rlly like this put here u go the long awaited part 2.
part 1 here
we're gonna IGNORE the fact that i was supposed to publish this like 5 days ago im so sorry for lying i had school and family stuff and guitar lmfao
anyways school is cancelled for the rest of the week cuz of a hurricane, i might start writing another oneshot ;) maybe vance? dont know! but i hope u guys like this, felt i couldve done better but eh :)
___________
after billy showalter had showed up by your house on his bike, your day was just a little brighter. he had really cared enough to go out of his way to deliver one more paper, just for you. he remembered, that you read the paper and kept it to make art or decorate your room with. even if reading the paper made you look like a total old man nerd, he went that extra mile for you. or in his case, a few blocks down from his route. the thought made you feel giddy and high.
you had came back in the house with a little more pep in your step, a stupid grin on your face that kept coming back whenever you looked at the flower pressing that you preserved on your dresser. the muscles in your face hurt from how good you felt. it was funny, to you. teachers would always say how one small thing a person can do can make another person's whole day. no one ever listened, including you. you thought it was bull, so it was amusing how the paper delivery boy proved you wrong. even if the flower seemed to shrivel slowly after a few hours, you couldn't help but think about it. billy showalter, of all people. he must be a goddamn saint if he can make me change my mind about him after a day, you thought. 
"holy shit," donna had blurted out from the phone when you told her. you had hushed her, even if no one was there to hear you besides your sleeping dog early in the morning.
"he totally likes you." she teased. you almost stumbled, clutching the phone in your hand a little tighter. "thats funny, donna. well, i don't like him," you scoffed.
you told her that to get her to leave you alone about it. (you doubted she would) but you would be lying if you said billy showalter didn't intrigue you with his actions toward you. nevertheless, you owed him big time. so, begrudgingly, on the monday before school, you emptied your piggy bank and counted the dollar bills and cents to pay billy back for everything he did. it was five bucks. you sighed, it was a decent amount of money to owe a boy. and it made you realize just how nice he was being to you.
you pocketed the money, getting ready to go to school. you jumped down the stairs, alerting your dog. they circled around your feet, barking and jumping excitedly. you rubbed their ears, talking to them in a high pitch.
your parents said your name, making you look up. "i thought we told you not to jump down the stairs. you'll break something," they instructed with a disappointed voice. your mother was at the table, and your father cleaning dishes at the sink. you winced slightly. "yeah, sorry."
you sat down at the table, eating the slightly burnt piece of toast your mother had set out for you. chewing on it, you watched your mother open up the paper as she sipped her coffee. you nearly choked, coughing. she was reading the paper.
she looked at you. "yeah, where did you get this? we don't get the paper," she asked. drinking your water, you tried clearing your throat before you replied. "yeah.. you know billy showalter delivers the paper, right?" you said slowly. your father chimed in, "of course. he stops by every sunday to get what we type up." your mother turned back to you, finishing for him. "but he doesn't stop by our house." 
you smiled sheepishly. "yeah. well, we're partners in class for a project. he stopped by yesterday because i told him i read the paper."
your dad looked over at you with a confused smile. "you read the paper?" he said, obviously making fun of you. your mother gave him a look before sipping her mug again. "how sweet. he's such a lovely boy. i'm glad you're becoming close," she said to you. "yes, it's about time you got a boyfriend," your father finished. you finished your toast, extremely flustered while your mother scolded him for assuming things.
you took a shy drink of water. "i have to go to his house later today. for the project." smiling, your mother held your hand. "good, that's good." 
"don't come back late," said your dad. you stood up, grabbing your backpack and slinging it over your shoulder. "yeah, don't worry." you kissed your mother on the cheek, and hugged your father goodbye. 
"be polite, and tell billy and mrs. showalter thank you," she said before you left. you agreed, closing the door. you took a breath, trying to console yourself and your embarrassment.
you walked to school. it was starting to get colder out, now. and you wished you had brought a thicker jacket. you spotted more kids walking as you got closer to school. you rubbed your arms, feeling the chill of the weather.
hearing your name being called, you turned around. gwen was jogging to catch up to you, finney following right behind her. "hey," you said to the small girl. "hi," finney finished for her, as she was catching her breath. you three walked together to school every day. it was a shame donna couldn't, her house was further away from yours. "kinda cold out, huh?" gwen said. you scoffed, "no kidding. wish i had brought a different covering."
as you got closer to school, you turned to the siblings. "i have to go to the library, i'll see you later nerds." gwen hugged you goodbye. "why the library?" finney asked. you turned away. "for a project. see you." they waved you goodbye as you entered through the double doors. there were less kids in the halls because you were a little early. 
you weren't lying to finney, you really did have to go to the library. you wanted to put effort into it the same way billy was, so you thought you'd find a book or two to help you with research.
upon entering, the library was pretty much empty. it was silent except for the pages being flipped by the librarian behind the counter. she muttered a 'good morning' under her breath as you walked in.
the isles were empty, but you saw a silhouette of a young boy. you searched through the books, in the history section. taking out many, reading the backs and then returning them to the shelf. you were impatient, and already becoming antsy. you wish you could just find a book already.
you turned the corner into the next isle, stopping when you saw the boy. it was griffin. he was reading a book, when he noticed you standing there and looked up. he was surprised to see you, you noticed. "hi, griffin," you said with a smile. "hi." he replied. you approached him, sitting next to him. "what are you reading?" griffin tilted the book so you could see the cover. it was the shining by stephen king. "stephen king? he wrote carrie. you like him?" he nodded at you. you were a bit shocked that a kid as young as him would be into that stuff. but he was smart, so it was probably okay.
"what are you doing here?" griffin asked you this time. he was right, you weren't usually in here. "i'm looking for a book. for a project."
"is it the one with billy?" he asked quickly. you almost stuttered, he was fast. you swallowed. "yeah. how'd you know?" you asked. griffin closed his book. "he told me." you smiled. "oh yeah? what else did he say?" you joked. the boy looked up at you. "he said you make him nervous sometimes."
you pressed your lips together tightly. a weird tight feeling in your stomach. "oh." griffin shook his head lightly, his curls bouncing. "but in a good way, he said. i don't know." the weird feeling was replaced by a new once, a weird kind of knot. you smiled sheepishly. 
"he likes you. you should be friends," the boy said. you looked away, trying to tame the heat in your face. "o-okay. i just need a book first," you laughed. griffin asked what type of book you needed. you told him what your project was about, and he got up enthusiastically, taking your hand and dragging you into an isle.
"this one," he said, taking out a book and holding it out to you. taking it gently from his hands, you read the back. it was great for your project. you looked back up at him, smiling. "this is perfect. thanks, griffin!" 
he smiled bashfully, his freckled cheeks rosy. you looked up at the clock, at the time. "the bells gonna ring in a minute," you looked at him. "want me to walk you to your first period?" griffin smiled wider. "okay. but its in the sixth grade hall," to which you replied that it was okay. you checked out your book, and the younger boy hung onto your hip the whole time. 
the bell had rung as you walked out the door with griffin, the book tucked into your backpack safely. griffins classroom was a little further than expected, but it was okay. you said goodbye to him and went back to yours. you kept thinking about him as you sat down, and how you really saw him as a little brother. it was a sweet feeling. 
the period was unfortunately very boring. you were learning about the layers of the earth, and honestly, you weren't really paying attention. you were just doodling all over your paper. until you felt a pinch in your back. you turned around to see robin arellano. "you free after school today?" he whispered. you shook your head. "no, i have to work on a project with billy showalter. sorry." robin's eyebrows furrowed, confused. "huh? showalter? for real?" you nodded, shrugging with a smile before turning back to your paper.
you continued drawing before a piece of wrapped gum dropped on your paper with a smiley face and an '-R' written on it messily. you turned around, blowing robin a joking kiss. he 'caught it' in the air, and held it to his chest. you held your hand to your mouth, trying to stop yourself from laughing as you unfolded the gum wrapper and placing it in your mouth. 
the bell rang, the class was over. you didn't listen to whatever your teacher was saying, and you just packed your stuff to leave, stopping by the door to wait for a slow robin. he caught up to you, and you walked together.
"so, you and billy?" he asked. he had a teasing look on his face. what was it with people joking about you and billy? "yeah, i have a project with him in civics." robin rolled his eyes, looking off. "just say you're going out with him. i've seen you giving him heart eyes across the lunchroom before." you turned to him swiftly, pushing him harshly. "shut up! i do not!" you growled, a furious heat in your cheeks.  robin held his hands up, trying to defend himself from your wrath as he giggled uncontrollably. 
you sighed angrily. "i'm serious, though... its just a project," you mumbled. robin flashed a smile. "sure, okay. i'll see you later." you were about to make him stay so you could keep defending yourself, but you just sighed once more as you watched robin head off to his next class. you would keep getting teased. and you would be lying if you said you didn't have a crush on billy showalter.
you sat down in your next class, trying console yourself. it's not like you liked him that much. maybe the reason you disliked him at first, was because you wanted an excuse. but it was hard, with his stupid smile and his stupid laugh, and his stupid hair and his stupid job. it was stupid. you were stupid. you hated having crushes.
the rest of your classes went by faster.  they mostly consisted of you laying your head on the desk and sleeping, and or ignoring anyone who tried to ask what was wrong with you. the only person you'd answer was donna.
"you're a mess," she shook her head. you peeked up at her. "no kidding." she sighed, slumping down next to you. "maybe you should just talk to him." sitting up straighter, you took a deep breath. "i will. when i see him." 
donna looked at you pitifully. she knew how much you hated these type of things. you looked back at her, reading her eyes and sighing. "don't look at me like that. i'll get over it, i always do." donna pushed your arm slightly. "but do you want to get over it? it's nice when someone likes you, yknow," she told you. you didn't reply, you only put your head in your hands and groaned.
lunch came quickly. you sat down with robin, finney, donna, and gwen, chewing on an orange slice. they were talking about whatever while you zoned off, thinking about the upcoming week and your assignments. until there were fingers snapping in front of your face. you looked up to robin leaning toward you and snapping from across the table. you smacked his hand down with a growl. he sat back with a grin. "stop daydreaming about your boyfriend," he giggled. your eyebrows furrowed and you stood up in your seat, your hands placed firmly on the table. leaning forward, you gave robin a mouthful. "he is not my boyfriend!" you exclaimed with a heated face. finney and gwen looked at you both with puzzled expressions, while donna seemed concerned.
"leave them alone, robin," she whispered. taming your outburst, you looked away shamefully. you saw griffin and billy sitting with each other. and bruce yamada, was his name? sat with them, too.
"wait, you have a boyfriend?" gwen said dumbly. you sighed with a dry chuckle. "no. it's a long story." gwen and finney looked at each other before the curly haired boy shrugged. he looked at you again. "is it billy?" he questioned innocently. you shut your eyes tightly. "ugh," you groaned, and that told the siblings what they needed to know. 
you felt the dread set in your stomach as you walked to your period after lunch. it was funny to you how people described getting butterflies as a cute fluttery feeling. you didn't get those. it was more like fuzzy worms crawling inside your organs. both of them still came from the same thing however; and it was liking someone. the someone that happens to be out of your league, and the someone you completely denied your feelings for a few days ago. you huffed, you weren't gonna be a pussy about it.
you sat down in your seat, watching as students piled in after you. you didn't care, until billy walked in. your chest tightened a little and you watched him sit down in his seat, his hair framing his face perfectly. he looked back, and caught your eye. he gave you a comforting smile, and your heart squeezed, giving him a simple wave back.  
no! don't let him seduce you with his attractive antics! you furiously told yourself, placing your fuming head in your hands.
everyone was seated, your teacher beginning to speak. "settle down. settle down," she projected. people got quieter.
she interlaced her hands together. "alright, this period will be dedicated to working on your project. i will pass out a paper to fill in information, but remember it will have to be put on a project board. you may use your notes for it aswell," your classmates got louder once again. she cleared her throat angrily. "don't think this is a free period. i will be watching you and making sure you're actually working," she snapped. they muttered words under their breath.
"thank you. now, you may join with your partner while i pass out the paper."
everyone stood up, giggling and gossiping. you pushed your chair back dramatically, making your way to billy. you made eye contact, but you immediately looked away as you sat next to him. "hey," he greeted. "hi," you replied.
he coughed awkwardly when your teacher came to you, giving you one paper. you looked up at her confusedly. "don't we need another?" she nearly rolled her eyes at you. "we're sharing," she sighed. you slumped down in your seat slightly at her annoyed tone as she walked away. 
billy looked at you again. "so, do you have any ideas?" he asked. he wanted to get you talking. he wanted you to talk to him, and hear your voice.
you perked up. "yeah! i do. i actually went to the library this morning because it felt like you were doing all the work, and you're probably smarter than me and i wanted to carry my own weight, y'know? so i got a book," you rambled, taking out the hardcover book. you mentally pinched yourself at what you said. sometimes billy made you want to talk ten times more or never talk again. the latter seemed more appealing when you looked up to see an embarrassed look on his face, his cheeks flushed. 
"i-i'm sorry," you stuttered. "i didn't mean-" you cleared your throat. just stop talking, you screamed internally.
"you're smart, too," billy mumbled. you almost crumpled the paper from how tight you gripped it. you laughed nervously, averting your eyes to the paper. you tapped your pen anxiously on the table, extremely aware of the noise it made. "so, do you still want me to come over after school? to study, i mean. you got the supplies, right?" billy nodded at you. "yeah, i did. my mom freaked out i was having a friend over."
you stopped tapping the pen. "oh, was she not expecting it? sorry," you fretted. billy shook his head. "no, no." he looked away bashfully. "it's just, erm. she- uh," the boy stuttered. he cleared his throat when he saw you blink. "nevermind," he muttered. 
it took a lot in you not to laugh at his embarrassment. and billy recalled the conversation he had the previous morning with his mother, and it made him even more embarrassed.
he had just gotten back from delivering papers, feeling extra good about the gratitude he saw on your face. his dog barged in before him, alerting his mother standing by the coffee maker.
"what took you so long?" she tapped the counter suspiciously. billy hung up his bright jacket on the hook by the door. "i delivered an extra," he replied. his mother sighed. "you know you're supposed to stick to your route, billy."
he shrugged, sliding into a chair at the table. "it was just someone from school.." he said shyly. unbeknownst to him, the woman felt a knowing switch in her mind. 
"and i hope you don't mind them coming over after school. we have a project together," he stated innocently. she folded her arms, a grin on her face. "are you two dating?" 
billy choked. "mom! no, i- they're just-" he stumbled over his words angrily, a furious flush on his face. he stood up, stomping upstairs to his room while his mother giggled. 
he shook his head back into the present. "let's just work on this," he sighed loudly. you grinned at him warmly.
the class period consisted of billy doing most of the talking. he was really serious about school. you would add on your own knowledge and he would smile excitedly and scribble it down on the note paper. it made the wormy feeling in your stomach disappear. maybe the worms actually turned into butterflies.
eventually you took out the book you had checked out after you two went through all of the notes. you opened it up to the table of contents, sliding it over between you two and letting billy read the contents. you pointed your finger at a chapter, "i thought this one had a lot of good information." he nodded, flipping the paper to the right page number and leaning towards you to read what was inside. you held your breath as you saw the details of his face, the curl of his eyelashes. he looked up at you again to find you were already staring, and he swallowed, leaning back after he saw your face close to his. 
you checked your watch awkwardly. "it's almost time to go. we can finish the notes at your house, yeah?" you asked. billy agreed. "yeah."
the teacher tried to tell everyone goodbye, but without success. the bell rung and everyone bolted. you waited for billy by the door as he got his stuff, and you two walked out together. 
the halls were crowded, you and billy pressed shoulder to shoulder to get through without running into someone. you felt a sharp tug at the back of your hood, making you step backwards and grab billy's shoulder for balance, making him stop as well. 
you turned around to see robin with a shit-eating grin on his face, looking from you to billy and back to you. huffing, you fixed your hood. "you scared the shit out of me. come on, you're crowding the halls," you snapped, taking robins hand and dragging him forward next to you and billy as you kept walking. the bandana wearing boy couldn't help but giggle at you two, and you almost pushed him into the wall telling him to shut up.
you made it out of the school, turning to robin. "fuck you," you said bluntly. he held a hand to his heart, "you make me blush." you sighed. "you make me blush too, unfortunately. tell finney and gwen i'll see them tomorrow, i'm going with billy for the project."
robin winked at you. "right, the project." you held back an angry remark, holding your breath instead and grabbing billy. "let's go.." you muttered. the blonde smiled awkwardly as he led you to the bike rack by the school. 
you stopped as you watched him put in the lock combination for the bike. he held the handlebars. "wait, i don't have a bike," you said quickly. billy hesitated. "oh, right."
he thought for a moment. "you can ride on the back. just.. hold on," he told you, swinging his leg over. you nodded slowly, stepping over and sitting down, holding onto the sides of the bike. to say this was a very awkward situation was a huge understatement. nevertheless, billy pushed onto the pedals, harder because of your extra weight. he tried very hard to not show how weird he felt in the moment. he had scooted forward so you had room to sit, but it was tight, and you were nearly pressed against his back. he didn't know if it was the sun but he felt incredibly warm in the moment.
he must have ridden over a tree root, because you both felt a bump, and you reached forward on instinct and clutched billy's shoulder so you wouldn't fall over. "sorry," you breathed onto his back. "it's fine," he said. no, it wasn't fine, he almost crashed the bike but it was okay, he didn't want you to fall.
finally, you arrived at his house. you stared up in awe at it, the front door a pretty blue color. you finally jumped off the bike, billy kicking the kickstand down by his garage. "sorry if my mom is weird," billy told you, unlocking the front door with the key in his pocket. 
he opened it, and you walked in. the inside was even prettier. you knew billy lived in a pretty white kid home, but it was still nice. until you heard barking, and saw a golden blur and felt a pressure on your chest. you were on the ground now, a golden heap of fur between your legs and barking at you. now winded, billy's dog began to lick your fingers. 
he immediately grabbed it, yelling "no," or "bad dog." you held yourself up with your hands. billy turned to you after calming his pet down, rushing to help you up and rambling nervously. "are you okay?" "i'm so sorry," "are you hurt?" he helped you up on your feet, and you patted his shoulder reassuringly. "i'm okay, don't worry." he sighed. 
"who's this?" a voice said. you turned your head, to see a woman with a striking resemblance to the boy next to you. puffy blonde hair, with pink lips and glittery blue eyeshadow. you smiled. "hi, i'm billy's friend. i came to work on a project with him, i hope you don't mind." the woman smiled, flashing her pearly white teeth. "oh, yes! billy told me about you, it's so nice to meet you!" she gushed, grabbing your hand and clasping it between her red nail painted hands. 
"would you like anything to eat, or drink?" she asked cheerfully. you shook your head. "i'm okay. thank you, ms. showalter." 
she smiled. "of course. you two hurry on up and get your work done," she ushered. you and billy looked at each other. he pointed to the stairs.
you sat down on a chair in his room, spinning and admiring the interior. the habitat of billy showalter. he had a few posters up, and a messily made bed. "cool room," you said. he sat down on his bed, opening his notes. "thanks. i have the poster board over there, so we can start working on it now," he got straight to the point. you sighed, throwing you head back as you spun. "oh, right," you groaned. 
billy stopped for a moment, watching you spin around endlessly, and then back to the binder in his hands. he looked back up. "we don't have to do this, you know." 
you stopped spinning, feeling dizzy as you turned to him. "i thought you wanted to?" you asked, confused. he sighed. "you think i actually like doing schoolwork?" you bounced your leg. "yeah, you're like, the grade golden boy," you stated, waving your hand around. billy shrugged. "i'm still a teenager."
you watched him as he put the binder back in his backpack. "then what did i come here for?" ouch. did you not want to be here? billy inhaled. "we could do teenager stuff?" 
"i don't do drugs!" you said frantically. billy stuttered in shock. "i don't either! i meant like, cards or something!" 
you blinked. oh, that was embarrassing. you couldn't ever see billy doing that stuff either. "okay, okay, good. keep being golden."
speaking of golden, billy's dog burst through the door, trotting laps around you and the boy excitedly. you ran your hands through its thick fur, it turned around to sniff and invade your personal space in reply. you laughed, it tickling your ears with its breath. "what's the name?" you asked. billy watched you carefully. he was glad you liked dogs. "cooper." you rubbed cooper's ears, staring into his big black eyes. "he's cute."
he watched you, his heart swelling. he was really, really glad you liked dogs. 
"so, you got a girlfriend?" you asked out of the blue. you were actually curious. not that you would be jealous or anything. he just looked at you, a furrow in his brow. "what? no." you looked at him in return. "a boyfriend..?" billy shook his head furiously. "i don't have anyone." you gave him an 'oh' face. he hesitated, looking away. "do you?" 
you set your hands in your lap, cooper licking your fingers. "no, i don't. do you like anyone?"
"maybe," he replied. "what about you?"
you broke eye contact sheepishly. "maybe." 
it was quiet for a few moments, neither of you looking at each other. you coughed. "so, what about those cards?" billy got up from his bed, you on the floor. he got the pack of cards from his bedside and sat down on the floor directly in front of you. "you know how to play uno?" you squinted. you had seen them in the grab 'n go, but you never cared to buy them. "no." 
he smiled at you. that god awful, perfect smile that made you want to crush him. "cool, i'll teach you then." 
he distributed the cards between you, each getting seven. you had grinned idiotically while you watched him struggle to shuffle the cards. 
"okay, so basically, you have to match the card to the one the other person puts down. so if i put down a green 8, you have to put down a green card or an 8. but there are also special cards, and they can make the other person draw more cards, or skip them. but the objective is to get rid of all your cards. you get rid of them, you win. got it?" he looked up at you from his eyelashes. you nodded. he explained it well. "okay."
he set down his card. a red 4. you looked through your cards, making sure he didn't see any as you set down a red card. he set down his, and it kept going between you. either of you would put down a plus two or plus four and the other would groan dramatically, the other laughing. billy won, eventually. so you played again, over and over. and billy beat you every time.
"you've gotta be cheating," you huffed. you were a sore loser. he squinted. "beginners.. misfortune?" he said questionably. you threw your cards up. "man, thats not even a thing, you just wanna make me feel better." he chuckled at you. "yeah." billy scratched cooper's chin. he sat next to both of you the entire time, wagging his tail when either of you got excited. 
you were interrupted when billy's mom called you and him from downstairs. "i made dinner!" she sang. you checked your watch. "ah, i didn't realize it was that time."
billy and you headed downstairs. you smelt the food she prepared, and it smelt good. "thank you for dinner, mrs. showalter. i hope you don't mind." she set down the hot plates on the table, your silverware already out and ready. "of course not! billy's father is coming home late because of work, so i really appreciate the company. and billy does, too," she winked at you, making your cheeks warm. you sat down at the table, billy across from you next to his mom. she instructed you to eat, and you started. it was delicious, noodles and cheese and bacon bits sprinkled on the top. good thing you remembered your table manners, or else you would have wolfed the whole thing down.
"so, you two. how's the project going on?" she asked you. you stopped eating for a moment, looking at billy who was already looking at you. you tried to hold back a smile. "it's, uh, going good. we have the notes ready." 
she nodded. "that's good." it was silent after that, just the sound of the forks on the plate as you ate. you looked at billy again, who was trying to hide his smile as well. you decided not to tell her that you two were just playing cards the whole time.
you all finished up, bringing your plates to the sink to wash them. "billy, would you take out the trash, please?" his mother asked over her shoulder. he nodded, pulling the trash bag out of the trashcan and leaving your view. mrs. showalter stood next to you, drying the plates you cleaned. "so, are you two dating?" she asked innocently. 
heat bloomed in your cheeks, and you scrubbed a little harder. "aha, no, it's not like that, we're just friends." whether you were trying to convince her or yourself, it didn't work. she sighed. "denial, denial. from a mother, i see how my boy looks at you. and i see how you look at him. look a little harder, okay?" she murmured sweetly. you handed her the last plate. you hated it, but she was right. 
billy came back, and told you it was getting late. almost 7:00. you went upstairs to retrieve your stuff to go home. 
you had to say something to him now. "i never got to thank you, by the way. for the newspaper," you said slowly, slinging your backpack over your shoulder. billy was sat on his bed.
he shrugged. "it's no big deal."
you sat down next to him, looking away and fiddling with your fingers. "no, it is. i don't know why you did it. but thank you."
thats why billy did it. he would never admit, but he was a sucker for praise. hearing it coming from you felt ten times better. he could have kissed you, if you were looking at him.
"you're welcome," he whispered. 
you turned to face him. his heart was beating, and he wouldn't be surprised if you could hear it. the air felt thicker and heavier than it did a minute ago, as he stared at your face, which seemed to get closer the more he looked.
his eyes were so pretty, and so brown. his skin seemed glowier than it did in school. 
you looked away again, trying to steady your breath. "christ, showalter." 
billy frowned. "what is it?"
you ran your fingers through your hair. "i don't even know. you make me feel things i don't want to," you huffed. billy's chest squeezed. reluctantly, he touched his pinkie to your hand next to his. you flinched slightly, but interlocked pinkies with the boy. a simple, innocent gesture that made you feel fuzzy. 
you inhaled sharply. "i should go home now," you said quietly.
billy stood up, holding his hand out for you to take it. fighting a smile, you slid your hand in his and got up.
"you're free to come any time," mrs. showalter said gently. "it's our pleasure having you here," she winked. you grinned faintly, thanking her for her hospitality.
"i'll walk you home," billy volunteered. you furrowed your brow, "are you sure? i know its-"
"no, i want to walk you," he insisted. you nodded, smiling at him. "okay."
he pushed the door open for you. the sun was down, the sky a beautiful mix of purple and orange. you walked silently, side by side with the delivery boy, your hands interlocked. 
you didn't want to hide your feelings from him anymore. when you did, you felt that wormy feeling. but when you were with billy, it wasn't there. mrs showalter was right, he did look at you. he saw you. he saw the way your hair rounded over your head, the curve of your brow and the dip in your nose. he saw the way you looked away when you got shy, and the way you fidgeted and held your fingers, and the way you would flinch ever so slightly when he made contact with you. and he loved every part of it.
you saw billy, not just in the halls, or on the streets. you saw the corner of his lips twitching upward into a smile, the scars on his palms, the golden glow of his brown eyes. and you were attracted to him.
your house got closer, the slightly scratched up door in your line of sight as you walked beside billy on the sidewalk.
just say it.
you breathed. "i think i like you, billy." 
both of you kept walking. you didn't hear the quickened pace of his heartbeat, or see the growing hotness in his cheeks, or feel the slight sweatiness of his palms.
"i think i like you, too."
you stopped, your front door not even 15 yards away now. you turned to him, slowly. he looked at you, from the corner of his eye. you gave him a closed-mouth smile, to which he smiled back instinctively. a pure, genuine smile. both of you laughed slightly, your hands still interlocked. 
you felt weird now, like you had just taken multiple shots of pure caffeine. but you stayed in place, your knees threatening to give way as you and billy showalter stared at each other.
you slipped a hand into your pocket. "right, i, uh. i wanted to pay you back for, everything. i owed you," you told him awkwardly, holding out the crumpled dollar bills. he frowned at you, asking if you were sure, that it was really okay and you didn't have to pay him. 
you shook your head. "no, i want to. let me do this." you flipped his hand over, sliding the money in his hand. "so we're even now." 
he closed his hand around the money, a smile growing on his face. "yeah, we are." 
you averted your eyes bashfully, looking to the ground. his converse were almost touching yours, by an inch. you stepped back, a sweet, nervous look on your face.
"i'll see you, then?" you said unsteadily, backing towards your house.
billy nodded, shuffling his feet. "yeah. you bet." 
you grinned, your fingers wrapping around your doorknob. "okay. bye, billy." 
he raised his hand in response, watching you close the door, and standing there for a second before turning around and making way back to his house. all with a stupid smile on his face.
you stood behind the door for a while, rubbing your eyes and your warm cheeks. it felt like a dream. a really good dream.
you ran immediately to your room, ignoring the yelps of your dog and your parents greeting as you dialed donna's number with shaky hands.
you liked billy showalter, a lot.
_________
279 notes · View notes
livsoulsecrets · 10 months
Text
1989 (Taylor’s version) songs as BL/GL Characters - Part 2
I know places - Palm and Nueng (Never let me go)
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‘Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes and guns
They are the hunters, we are the foxes and we run
Baby, I know places we won't be found and
They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down
‘Cause I, I know places we can hide
[…] Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it, my love
Clean - Akk (The Eclipse)
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Hung my head as I lost the war
And the sky turned black like a perfect storm
Rain came pouring down
When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe
And by morning
Gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean
[…] The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud
But no one heard a thing
Wonderland - Top and Mew (Only Friends)
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Didn't it all seem new and exciting?
I felt your arms twisting around me
I should've slept with one eye open at night
We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it
And we pretended it could last forever
[…] And life was never worse but never better
[…] So we went on our way, too in love to think straight
All alone, or so it seemed, but there were strangers watching
And whispers turned to talking
And talking turned to screams
[…] Didn't you calm my fears with with a Cheshire cat smile?
[…] It's all fun and games 'til somebody loses their mind
You’re in love - Nomoto and Kasuga (She loves to cook, and she loves to eat)
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'Cause you can hear in the silence
You can feel it on the way home
You can see it with the lights out
You are in love, true love
Morning, [her] place
Burnt toast, Sunday
You keep [her] shirt, [she] keeps [her] word
And for once, you let go of your fears and your ghosts
One step, not much, but it said enough
New Romantics - Not Me Gang (Not Me)
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We're so young, but we're on the road to ruin
We play dumb but we know exactly what we're doin'
[…] 'Cause baby, I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me
And every day is like a battle, but every night with us is like a dream
[…] Baby, we're the new romantics
Come on, come along with me
Heartbreak is the national anthem, we sing it proudly
[…] The best people in life are free
[…] We need love, but all we want is danger
Slut! - Mhok and Day (Last Twilight)
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Got lovestruck, went straight to my head
Got lovesick, all over my bed, love to think you'll never forget
[… ] Adorned with smoke on my clothes, lovelorn and nobody knows, love thorns all over this rose
[…] The sticks and stones they throw froze mid-air
Everyone wants him, that was my crime, the wrong place at the right time
And I break down, then he's pullin' me in
In a world of boys, he's a gentleman
We'll pay the price, I guess
[...] Half asleep, taking your time in the tangerine, neon light, this luxury
You're not saying you're in love with me, but you're going to
Half awake, taking your chance, it's a big mistake
I said it might blow up in your pretty face
I'm not saying do it anyway, but you're going to
Say don’t go - Kim and Chay (Kinnporsche)
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Why'd you have to make me want you?
Why'd you have to give me nothin' back?
Why'd you have to make me love you?
I said, "I love you", you say nothin' back
Why'd you have to lead me on?
Why'd you have to twist the knife?
Walk away and leave me bleedin', bleedin'?
Why'd you whisper in the dark just to leave me in the night?
Now your silence has me screamin', screamin'
[…] I would stay forever if you say, "Don't go”
Now that we don’t talk - Todd and Black (Not Me)
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Did you get anxious though on the way home?
I guess I'll never, ever know now that we don't talk
You grew your hair long, you got new icons
And from the outside, it looks like you're tryin' lives on
I miss the old ways, you didn't have to change
But I guess I don't have a say
Now that we don't talk
[…] I cannot be your friend, so I pay the price of what I lost and what it cost
[…] Truth is, I can't pretend it's platonic, it's just ended
Suburban Legends - Boston and Nick (Only Friends)
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You had people who called you on unmarked numbers in my peripheral vision
I let it slide like a hose on a slippery plastic summer, all was quickly forgiven
You were so magnetic, it was almost obnoxious, flush with the currency of cool
I was always turnin' out my empty pockets
And when it came to you, I didn't come here to make friends
We were born to be suburban legends
When you hold me, it holds me together
And you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever
Is it over now? - Sand and Ray (Only Friends)
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You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor
You search in every maiden's bed for something greater
Baby, was it over when [he] laid down on your couch?
Was it over when he unbuttoned my blouse?
"Come here, " I whispered in your ear in your dream as you passed out, baby
Was it over then? And is it over now?
30 notes · View notes
fittlebottom · 2 months
Text
I know I just posted about pip but back when I was waiting for my contacts to come in I was like very blind for a day or two. And during that time I only drew once. No joke this drawing, if you can even call it one, has taken over my life. I've thought about it everyday for almost a month straight.
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Washing the dishes? Where the geese at. Folding laundry? Where the geese at. Trying to read? Where the geese at. Trying to draw? At least one Where the geese at clone made. I have had to stop during multiple conversations with friends and family to hold back a giggle if I'm even remotely reminded of this fucking image. When I drew it originally I genuinely thought I was the funniest person on the face of the planet and everyone else, every comic every comedian, would need to pack up and go back to Alaska. The worst part about it to me is that no one else gets it. It's a fucking inside joke with MYSELF. You know how the trolls guy when he got arrested said under his breathe "this is gonna ruin the tour..." quite literally I have done that so many times but with "where the geese at". I was giving my grandmother a pity visit because she's senile now and acts like she's still in the '60s. We were looking at a physical map and she said something along the lines of "where is *insert place from my county*" . I, without thinking, whispered under my breathe "where the geese at." And her, being the Christian woman she is, thought I was chanting the devils incantations. And now for the next 2 Sundays I have to go to church with her. ALL BECAUSE OF WHERE THE GEESE AT. PIP BERNADOTTE YOUVE RUINED MY LIFE I AM DONE FOR. Genuinely I feel as if I can't draw anymore because all I want to do is where the geese at. I feel like I'm being brainwashed by this fucking drawing. I'm not a religious person but I think I've been possessed by an evil spirit that just wants to make me miserable. I took a break from drawing for a few weeks after finishing a piece that left me very burnt out. You wanna know what brought me back? What motivated me to open up my program? I was going through where the geese at withdrawals. I only came back because I was getting angry at the fact I hadn't drawn where the geese at in days. I am addicted to this drawing like it's black tar heroin. Where the geese at has rotted my brain to the point of no return. It's only been a month of its life and so far it has only made mine worse and worse. I eat, sleep, breathe where the geese at. I feel the need to use my own tears as paint and draw where the geese at all over my metal enclosure. I see him everywhere I go. Thinking about it and writing this all out has made my face flush red with rage maybe? Frustration? Geese withdrawals? Lord please save me from this curse I cannot live like this.
I feel really bad if anyone reads this at all. I have no hellsing friends so I haven't been able to mourn my loss of sanity with context to anyone. I am very truly deeply sorry for anyone who reads my rants of a madman my dehydrated dying words.
Where the geese at amiright folks? I'll be here all night.
9 notes · View notes
sanjuwrites · 1 year
Text
Seven(ish) Sentence Sunday
thanks to @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, @birdclowns, @alrightbuckaroo, @inflarescent, @bonheur-cafe, and @chaotictarlos for the tag!
i'm so far from seven sentences on any of these, and i am so excited for all of these <3 enjoy!
illicit affairs - rwrb
Dear H, 
I never really understood why people say that being away from their partner felt like they were missing half of themselves, or that there was something empty in their lives until they reunited. 
I get it now. 
I feel like half my soul is on the other side of the ocean, and I don’t know how to stop feeling the ache of missing you. I wish I could bring you out here, show you the States through my eyes and not the bullshit royal agenda they craft every time you’re here. I think I’d take you to the Grand Canyon, and watch you as you watch the sun rise over the canyon. Your face lit with the warm golden light, sweetheart, I know there’s going to be nothing like it. 
I miss you so much, H, and I can’t wait to see you again. 
I love you.
– A 
-------
A, 
Do let me know when you’re back in town, dear. I will make some time to see you. 
H
senator AU
“What?” TK tries to play it off as confusion, but he knows he isn’t fooling anyone, least of all Judd. 
“How long, TK? We ain’t playing this game today. How long have you been using again?”
TK sighs, picking at his hospital bracelet. “Since Carlos left.”
Judd swears under his breath. “Two months? You’ve been using two months, and I didn’t fucking notice. I knew something was wrong, but I thought you were just depressed after everything. I should have known better.” Judd looks so guilty, and TK can’t handle it. 
“No, you shouldn’t have. I made sure you shouldn’t have. I hid it really well, Judd. You couldn’t have known, Judd, because I made sure you didn’t. This isn’t your fault. This is mine.” TK rushes through it, making sure Judd actually hears him. He waits a minute before asking in a small voice, “Does Carlos know? Has he been by?”
Judd’s lips press into a straight line, and TK immediately knows the answer. “No one’s been able to reach him, TK. He went to the event alone, shut his phone off and went into a meeting. He hasn’t come out yet.”
Agent Reyes
Marjan smiles tiredly, sipping at the mug of coffee Nancy hands her. “Babe, I think coffee is the last thing I need right now, but thank you. I love you very much,” she says while pressing the mug into Carlos’s hands, “but Paul and Carlos are going to play now. We,” Marjan says, pulling Nancy close, “are going to go to bed now. ” Judd whistles from where he is in the kitchen, drawing a laugh out of everyone in the room. 
Nancy wraps her arms around Marjan in reply, “You heard her, gentlemen. I will be taking my girlfriend to bed now, and I expect no interruptions. My girlfriend needs her beauty sleep.”
TK sits in the chair Marjan left vacant, holding a legal pad and a pen in one hand and a plate of avocado toast in the other. “I figured you’d want to take notes, and you also didn’t eat dinner last night.” 
Carlos snorts before he can stop himself, “They were burnt, TK. I was not going to eat burnt grilled cheeses, no matter how hungry I was.”
“Hey,” TK says indignantly, although there’s a small smile playing on his face, “they were not burnt, they were just …well done.”
“Well done? It’s not a steak, TK. It’s a sandwich.” 
“Yeah, well it’s the way my dad used to make them…” TK’s eyes widen as he realizes what he said, a silence falling across the room. TK’s face cracks open as he realizes that he used past tense while referring to his father and Carlos takes a step forward, his motions aborted when he realizes he can’t send mixed signals like that.
Not when TK is so vulnerable.
i'm gonna tag @theghostofashton, @detective-giggles, @lightningboltreader, @lemonlyman-dotcom, @mikibwrites @freneticfloetry, and @hoko-onchi-writes!
(if any rwrb authors end up on this, please let me know! looking for some rwrb moots <3)
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your-divine-ribs · 6 months
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Baby Love
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Words: 2.5k
Absolutely no plot whatsoever… just baby making for Smutty Sunday! So sorry about the cringe dirty talk - I tried my best lol 🫣
Imagines Masterlist Main Masterlist
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"What?"
Your boyfriend's got that look in his eyes again, a mixture of affection and hunger as his gaze travels down over your body.
"Just thinking how gorgeous you look," he answers, catching his bottom lip in his teeth as he leans back against the kitchen worktop, head tilted back slightly, blatantly appraising you.
You shake your head, giggling. You hardly feel gorgeous standing there in the kitchen fresh out of bed, your hair a complete mess and your sleeping attire on, little shorts and a cami top. You're making pancakes just how Van likes them, American style fluffy ones that he came back from tour enthusing about. You've just about perfected the recipe and the smell emanating from the frying pan is delicious, but that's not the only thing...
Van's standing there in just the thin pair of trackie bottoms he slipped into when he rolled out of bed and you know he's not wearing anything underneath them. You love it when he looks all sleepy and scruffy first thing in the morning, hair all mussed up and a cute, dopey expression on his face, kind of like someone's just interrupted a dream he's been having and he's still half caught up in it.
"Honestly love... just look at you," he grins as you catch his eye.
"Are you trying to distract me or what?" You laugh, flipping the pancake that's in the pan. "You'll only moan if you end up with burnt pancakes!"
"Well if ya burn the pancakes I'll just have to find something else to eat for breakfast!"
You shake your head, dishing up another pancake on to the small stack you're preparing, reaching over for the jug to pour more batter into the pan.
That's when you feel his hands curl around your hips from behind and his body press into yours, only gently, but it's still enough to send tingles down your spine. You smile to yourself as you move the pan to spread the batter evenly over the bottom. Ever since you and Van had decided to try for a baby he's not been able to keep his hands off you. You'd always joked before that he was like a walking hard-on, but this is like a whole other level of horniness. He can't leave you alone. In the shower, on the kitchen table, up against the wall in the hallway when you'd not even made it to the bedroom... you'd even pulled over and crawled into the backseat of the car to satisfy your desires on the way back from a restaurant last week.
"Mmm... not sure what smells better, those pancakes or you," Van says, and you feel him nuzzling into your neck, his lips brushing your sensitive skin, making you shiver.
"Now you're really distracting me!" You complain, but you're hardly bothered. You push your hips back slightly, feeling the solid warmth of Van's body behind you.
His fingers leave your hips and move forwards, slipping underneath the hem of your top, sliding gently across the soft skin of your stomach.
"I can't wait to put a baby in there, ya know," he murmurs, his fingers lightly dancing over your skin, dipping under the waistband of your shorts.
You laugh at the ticklish sensation which just makes you wriggle your hips against him even more. "Yeah, but are you still gonna fancy me when I'm eight months pregnant and the size of a house?"
"I can't wait babe, there's just gonna be more of you to love!"
One of his hands moves up to sweep your hair aside and you feel his lips on your neck, sucking gently, sending a spike of heat through you. You tip your head to the side to give him better access, closing your eyes and surrendering to the sensation. It feels so good...
That's until you detect the acrid scent of burning and your eyes flick open instantly as you grab for the spatula to try and free the pancake that's stuck hard to the bottom of the pan.
"Ughh," you groan in frustration, trying to pull away from Van. "I told you that you'd go and distract me! Look... it's ruined now! I've only made a few and that'll never fill you up."
"It's fine, don't worry," he reassures you, then his voice drops low as he pulls you even closer to his body. "Besides... I'm more concerned about filling you up..."
Your agitation dissipates in an instant at these words. Van isn't the only one who's been getting turned on by the thought of baby making. His obvious arousal about it and his enthusiasm just makes your heart race and sets off a throb between your legs.
"Oh yeah?" You smile, turning off the hob and pushing the pan to the side where it's instantly forgotten. You turn around in his arms so that you're facing him, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Why don't you tell me more about that?"
A slow, sexy smile spreads on his lips. "You love it when I talk dirty to ya, don't ya?"
You nod, smiling back at him alluringly and a little coyly which you know turns him on even more. Not that you have to try very hard. It's plain to see by the prominent bulge straining at his trousers that he's already more than ready.
He pushes his hips into yours, grinding lazily against you as he dips his head down to kiss you, and you raise your head, your lips meeting in a passionate kiss. His tongue moves slowly against yours, and the feel of his hardness pressing into your pelvis ignites the fire inside you.
"Mmm... want you," you breathe into his mouth, your hands grasping his bum, pulling him even closer.
He pulls away, looking you in the eye with a hunger that has you pushing your hips forward in eagerness.
"You want me do ya? Want me to put a baby inside you?" He murmurs, bending down to grasp your thighs and lifting you easily in one swift movement so that you're sitting perched on the kitchen counter with your legs splayed. "D'ya want my cock inside you, huh?"
"Yeah," you breathe, lifting your bum as Van's fingers curl under the waistband of your shorts and he roughly pulls them down your hips with your panties in one swift movement until they drop on to the kitchen floor, discarded.
"Gonna fuck you right here love, we're gonna make this baby right now."
Van's voice is low, smooth as honey with that hint of a commanding edge that has your heart racing. He places his hands on your thighs, gripping your soft skin firmly, pushing your legs wide apart, his fingers tracing a trail upwards. He moves slowly, watching your reaction as he does, a smirk forming on his lips as little tremors shiver your body through.
"Don't tease me... please, " you urge, your body screaming out for his touch as he lingers close to your aching core but not close enough. You know he likes you to beg for it and you're only too happy to oblige.
You reach out for him, sliding your fingers under the waistband of his trousers which are slung low on his hips, pushing them down. His hard cock springs free, and the sight is enough to make your mouth water.
"Fuck me," you urge, wrapping your hand around his dick, your other hand on his hips pulling him to you. Your whole body is yearning for him, wanting to feel him inside you, filling you up.
He resists, shaking his head, his smirk widening at your need. "Oh babe, I don't think you're ready for me quite yet."
That's when you feel his fingertips where you need them the most, moving delicately over your soft folds, a fleeting caress which instantly has you sighing and needing more. You tip your hips forward, pressing yourself into his hand.
"You're so wet for me already and I've barely even touched you," he whispers, moving a finger against your slit, dipping lightly inside you. You're panting now, your body thrumming for more, the featherlight touches he's giving like some kind of sweet torture.
You grip the shaft of his cock tighter, sliding your hand down his length. All you can think of is how it's going to feel when he slides inside you. You feel his fingertip slide over your clit, moving purposefully as he watches your reactions to see your face contort in pleasure as he hits just the right spot over and over again. You moan loudly, feeling a tightening low down in your body.
"Oh yeah," you sigh as the pressure builds steadily, your head tipping back, your eyes screwed shut.
You're so close, ready to tip over the edge when you feel the pressure dissipate as his hand moves away. Your eyes flick open, feeling cheated, ready to protest, but as you see Van step forward with his hand wrapped around the base of his cock your words are forgotten.
"Gonna fill you up so good," he says, and you spread your legs even wider for him, grasping greedily at his hips.
You're so wet there's no resistance as the head of his cock nudges against your dripping core. Your breathing is ragged, coming in little gasps of anticipation. All that matters is feeling him inside you, but he takes his time, sliding into you gradually and stretching you out so that you can feel every part of him.
"Fuck..." you breathe, feeling yourself clench around him. He fits you so perfectly it's like your body was made for him and him alone.
"Love you so much babe," he utters, his eyes fluttering shut as he shunts his hips forward, burying himself fully inside you, his fingers curled tightly around your hips. You love watching the way his brow furrows and his mouth falls agape, the pleasure clear on his face.
You gasp at the feeling as he pulls back and bucks his hips into you again, harder this time, the blissful feeling radiating through your body. You wrap your legs around his hips, drawing him close, needy for him and the way that he makes you feel.
"I need..." you begin, but his lips crash against yours, snatching the words right out of your mouth. He kisses you hungrily, desperately, his tongue probing your mouth and you melt into the kiss, your mind awash with the sensation of the two of you fused, his breath hot in your mouth, his hips clashing with yours.
After a while he pulls back, panting, his hips still pistoning against yours, thrusting slow and deep. "I love how my cock feels inside you. Feels so fucking good... so right..."
His words trail off into a sensual groan and you're aware that your fingernails are digging into his back, no doubt leaving deep furrows on his skin. You can't help yourself, the sensations are just too overwhelming. You need him closer, as close as he possibly can be.
Van places his forehead against yours and your heads are bent down. From this position you can both watch his cock thrusting into you, emerging glistening with your arousal and ploughing into you again, over and over. The sight sends you into a passionate frenzy, your hips bucking up to meet his, curses falling from your lips.
"Tell me... tell me you want..." he groans, a fingertip moving to press against the nub of your clit, eliciting further curses from you. The kitchen is full of your combined moans now, the pornographic sounds just fuelling both of your desires all the more, your endeavours to both reach your climaxes spiralling into a desperate need, hips colliding, slick with sweat.
You know exactly what he wants to hear, what will make him fuck you hard enough to turn you into a whimpering mess.
"Fuck me hard... wanna feel you come inside me... I want this baby so bad..."
You gasp the words out, mewling now with every hard thrust, Van's fingertips working their magic, edging you closer and closer to your peak until your whole body is pulsing with the promise of it.
"You gonna take it all, huh?"
His voice is rough, almost a growl as he mercilessly slams into you, hard enough that you're sure you'll bear bruises the next day.
"Yeah," you breathe, your body shaking now, your legs trembling, out of control as the first waves of your orgasm start to wash over you.
You know that Van can't hold on any longer as you clench around his cock, your warm wetness and the sight and sounds of you falling apart driving him to the brink of his own climax.
His body shudders as he finally lets go and you feel his cum flood you as you reach the heights of your crescendo, crying out in ecstasy as you both cling together, riding out your highs breathlessly.
Your legs are still locked around his waist as your head falls against his chest and you can feel his heartbeat thundering wildly.
"That was amazing... as always," you murmur, starting to pull away but he won't let you, arms wrapped tightly around you, keeping you close, your bodies connected like perfect puzzle pieces.
"Not yet... don't go yet," he whispers into your hair, his head bent down to press soft kisses into your parting. "Just wanna stay like this for a bit, ya know... give things a chance to happen..."
"Oh right, yeah, the baby making. Of course!" You grin. "Forgot about that for a moment!"
You hear a soft chuckle come from above as he wriggles his hips slightly, pressing against you even though you can feel him start to soften inside you. "Reckon that was it. That was definitely the one. I just got that feeling."
You roll your eyes even though Van can't see. "Like I've not heard you say that every single time we do it!"
"Just can't bloody wait," Van says, enthusiasm leaking into his voice as his fingers flex around your waist and he pulls back slightly to look at you, careful to keeps his hips pressed tightly against yours. "You're gonna be the best mum and I'm gonna be so proud of you."
His blue eyes are sparkling with a warmth and affection that makes your already fast beating heart race even quicker, images of you and Van becoming parents flicking through your mind like you're leafing through a future family photo album.
"Love you so much," you say, feeling the smile stretch wide on your face.
"Mmm babe... I love you too."
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recs-and-discoveries · 2 months
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Sunday, July 28, 2024
I in fact did do my knitting while watching a movie situation! I know this is incredible popular in knitting circles, but I'm not too much of a movie watcher most of the time. I want to get more into watching movies instead of scrolling on YT shorts because my screen time Is Not It.
I got all twenty rows in (which is my minimum daily amount for the next week) and that comes to ~5cm. The next "milestone" for the sleeves (ie the part before the increase) is 10 cm, which makes this project feel a lot more doable. For context the end sleeve length (before the cap) is 43 cm, which is 3-4 days worth of knitting for me.
I watched A Quiet Place: Day One yesterday and let me tell you I have THOUGHTS. Wonderful movie that I'd recommend, a solid 8/10. Spoilers below the cut!
A Quiet Place: Day One Thoughts
In order to make this vaguely understandable, I'm going to bullet point these rambles
Direct Movie Response
28:40 and 1:01:30 are both absolutely killer shots
I love that more movies are moving away from MCU franchise and are turning towards "here's a cool concept, lets do it in a different way" (looking at you knives out)
I love the different forms of community in this movie!!
Sam was consistently a form of community to others while others formed community with her! her nurse looked so happy to know she was alive and constantly went out of his way to protect her. The black family helped with nursing Sam the first time she passed out. Someone in that first camp rescued same cat. Sam showed kindness to the children hiding under the waterfall. and of course Eric, someone with (im going to assume) some level of anxiety. There were several times where he actively Brought Sam's life in danger! but she still kept him around
And in turn, Eric showed kindness by going out of his way to get Sam's medication and save her cat
Continuing community is the scene were all the New Yorker's were pouring out in droves to the boats, which resulted in massacre. I had a feeling, because that many people is never a good sign, but what I want to emphasize was the protection of disabled people, particularly the man in the wheelchair. Many of these people wouldn’t makeup a top survival team in an apocalypse, but we need to keep them around because they jive us hope (which ill get back to)
And if we’re going to mention community in this movie, I obvi have to highlight Eric's willingness to go with Sam to patsy’s and learn more about her. Their meeting was the pinnacle of community building. He was scared and lost and needed connection, so he clung onto the first person who was able to provide that
And he goes above and beyond! He brings light into Sam's world when patsy’s is burnt down by preforming their silent magic show, which was such a beautiful scene (and not to mention finding pizza for her, which has my whole heart)
In relation to movie lore, I was interested to see the weird things the monsters were eating and I'm wondering if it’ll come back later. I also appreciate this film address the criticism people had to the water situation; the monsters are scared of it! It kills them so very quickly that it makes sense why they’d avoid the sound
The final thing to say is that there are some thing about this movie that don’t 100% make sense. Like how the fuck did the cat survive all this time? No idea! Cats aren’t inherently quiet creatures, and there were MANY times where he could have (or logically should have) died and he just. Didn’t
Connection to Other Things
Trauma and Noise: Another point id like to mention is trauma and its connection to sound. When we as humans are upset, we sob, we yell, we cry, we stamp up and down, we slam doors, we make noise. it almost feels as chaotic as how our brains feel, a way to physically embody the pain we feel. So to remove the ability to make noise is so painful. People are dealing with constant loss and pain but they have to stay quiet in order to survive. I would loose my mind
Palestine: When it came to the original crashing of meteorites (or whatever they were, which ill return to), all I could think of was the people of Palestine, along with all the other people of the world that are being bombed. It is evil that this genocide is continuing. Generally speaking, I’ve tried to keep Tumblr as a mental break while my other forms of social media cover Palestinian activism, but I would be remiss to not mention it. Not to mention the dystopia ass world we live in where the president of a nation committing genocide gets a standing ovation from Americas leaders??? It makes me want to burn the world down
Leaving Behind: Actual final point is the boat scene. There are 8 million people living in New York with around 1.6 million being from the city (yes I googled) and all that's really left are the people on the boat. What also gets me is that many of those people may not be native New Yorkers. Many people commute to New York or fly in for vacation. Not to mention how many people died as a side effect of buildings crashing and train cars being blocked and young or old people being left behind, etc etc. It is quite a sad thing to see
Music
I said this at the end of last week, but I've been listening to some emo music this week! All the songs that I've ended up adding to my playlist are pretty classic, but I suppose they're classic for a reason.
Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance
Somebody Told Me by The Killers
American Idiot by Green Day
Mr. Brightside by the Killers
The music genre for next week is: Russian Romance!
To Dos
☐ next khan academy lesson
☐ next pimsleur lesson
☐ 2 repeats knitting
☐ reading!
☐ smart notes
☐ roommate email
☐ job form
☐ respond to insta convo
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direwombat · 10 months
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WIP MUSIC MONDAY
tagged over the past few weeks by @inafieldofdaisies, @aceghosts, @cassietrn, @socially-awkward-skeleton, and probably a few others (sorry i forgor...)
anyway. i have music now that the c*d brain worms are consuming me. here are 2 songs i'm vibing with for saoirse's relationship with the good captain. also sorry for the mid-to-late 2010s mainstream pop on this, my usual music tastes don't lend themselves to the "pining goobers" vibes these two have
i like to imagine this one is john circa late 2019/early 2020 (or post mw1 and pre mw2) where he's caught feelings and has it baaaaaaaad but has to ship off or is otherwise unable to be in the same city as saoirse
I could have showed you all the scars at the start But that was always the most difficult part See, I'm in love with how your soul's a mix of chaos and art And how you never try to keep 'em apart
I wrote some words and then I stared at my feet Became a coward when I needed to speak I guess love took on a different kind of meaning for me So when I go just know it kills me to leave
To all the stars that light the road Don't ever leave that girl so cold Never let me down, just lead me home
Don't tell me this is all for nothing I can only tell you one thing On the nights you feel outnumbered Baby, I'll be out there somewhere
and from saoirse's pov under the cut (apologies for the t. swift but this song never fails to make me soft for the otps ;w;)
Morning, his place Burnt toast, Sunday You keep his shirt He keeps his word And for once, you let go Of your fears and your ghosts One step, not much But it said enough You kiss on sidewalks You fight and you talk One night he wakes Strange look on his face Pauses, then says You're my best friend And you knew what it was He is in love
You can hear it in the silence, silence, you You can feel it on the way home, way home, you You can see it with the lights out, lights out You are in love, true love
tagging: @fourlittleseedlings, @jillvalentinesday, @purplehairsecretlair, @adelaidedrubman, @madparadoxum, @voidika, @locustandwildhoney, @testyfestyenthusiast, @strangefable, @alexxmason, @deputyash, @josephslittledeputy, and anyone else wanting to share some music inspiring them (taglist opt in/out post)
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marsneedstherapy · 11 months
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you are in love is such a Rosalind Orion song, and this time, I will be providing an explanation (fhh spoilers ahead)
One look, dark room
Meant just for you
spy work. no more needs to be said.
Time moved too fast
You play it back
they didn't have that much time together before Orion got taken by his mother, and yk how Rosalind was during, especially the beginning of fhh :(
Buttons on a coat
Light-hearted joke
Orion. that's all.
No proof, not much
But you saw enough
Rosalind realizes that she might actually like Orion. yk the one scene in flf where she says she should poison herself again. yeah.
Small talk, he drives
hernia scene, not much small talk, but yk not everything can be exsact
Coffee at midnight
this never happened exactly, but I feel like it would, bc of all the missing domestic moments from flf with Rosalind and Orion trying to figure stuff out
He says, "Look up"
And your shoulders brush
when Orion showed Rosalind the constellation orion in flf, my heart </3
No proof, one touch
But you felt enough
literally right after the constellation moment Rosalind has her "oh no I think I like him" moment
You can hear it in the silence
when Rosalind had a gun pointed at Orion in that scene right after she finds out he's the killer, but we know she'll never shot... BC COME ONEE YOU CAN HEAR IT IN THE SILENCE WHEN SHE JUST THREATENS AND NEVER FOLLOWS THROUGHH
You can feel it on the way home
just vibes with this one, but vry strong vibes
You can see it with the lights out
not exactly lights out in the lamp type of way, but like when Rosalind was poisoned by her hairpin in flf </3
You are in love, true love
yes they are.
Morning, his place her place
Burnt toast, Sunday
just sm they seem like they would've done, maybe an attempt to cook without Lao Lao's help in another missing flf scene (I'm so tempted to write a fanfic with this idea)
You keep his shirt
BEGINNING OF FHH </3
He keeps his word
"Even if I don't get my memory back, I'm going to love you again. I thought I'd warn you in advance." Not an exact quote bc I'm too tired to go get my copy of fhh, but yes. yes, he did keep his word.
And for once, you let go
Of your fears and your ghosts
ROSALIND ALLOWING HERSELF TO BE LOVED AND BEING ABLE TO GROW AND MOVE ON FROM HER PAST
One night he wakes
Strange look on his face
Pauses, then says
You're my best friend
"I BELIEVED YOU WHEN YOU SAID WE WERE FRIENDS, BUT THERE WAS MORE TO THAT WASNT THERE?" that scene if fhh were Orion is "asleep" by the willow tree in zhouzhuang and Rosalind was just talking to him </3
And you knew what it was
He is in love
yes he is. maybe he can't remember. but he knows.
[chorus again]
And he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown
this is some post fhh things that would happen. WOULD.
And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars
finally understanding how real actually love feels and how it should be protected </3
And why I've spent my whole life tryin' to put it into words
AGAIN FINALLY BEING ABLE UNDERSTANDINGGG </3
[chorus again]
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