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#I'm kicking myself so hard for not bringing it
lettuce-gremlin · 2 years
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Oh also I finally was able to get out to look for my stuff and I found my folding chair and three of my jackets
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paleiido · 5 months
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Trying to learn new programs like they all want me to die personally
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zevrans · 1 year
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i’m reading all the lovely tags on my latest da gifset and i’m just 🥺🥺🥺💖💕💓
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#thank you everyone for such nice comments and compliments to my set! 😭❤️🥺💕 i spent so much time on it even if it may seem like it was a q#uick gifset but it wasnt! ;_;#making that dreadwolf gif definately took on my nerves because i couldnt properly cut out the title and also there's avisynth which kept#dimming the videos so had to up brightness so much in dao and da2 menus for them to look how they look in game;;;#and to see everyone be excited for da4 and wanting to replay / replaying dao or da2! :")#i accidebtally started replaying da2 myself when i reinstalled it to capture the menu for this setvkffk 🙈#somehow it's always da2 i cant bring myself to replay dao cayse it's so huge 😭#and then there's dai which is still waiting for me to continue playing it past first few cutscenesvkdfkfk 🤦‍♀️🙈🤡#maybe i could play them both at the same time huh?? 👀 and then there's reinstalling the mods#since i switched to win10 reinstalling evetything became such a chore 😪#also i realized that i too blab just like merrill when i'm excited/anxious and was like i see u girl it's okay it's the stress talking 😳😭#but also i feel like i forgot so much stuff it's like everything is almost new to mebkfkfs#and somehow da2 feels so easy on normal now even tho i remember it kicking my ass on normal when i first played??#maybe this has to do something with me play re2r and re3r this year so i reevaluated my concept of what is hard in terms of vg difficulty :D
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kisses4choso · 7 months
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#SUPER SHY
SYNOPSIS: their praises are just too much for you, but in their eyes, you're deserving of every last one of them, and more. CHARACTERS: SANJI, ZORO, & LUFFY WARNINGS: short headcanons, foul language with zoro bc it's zoro, duh! NOTE: @matsunok02 is the lovely person who requested this, but i can't tag you, so i hope this finds its way to you!
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SANJI:
your number one hypeman, no matter what.
you put in effort to dress up? he's going to lay down over muddy puddles so your new outfit won't get dirty.
you dressed down today? he's absolutely in awe of your 'effortless beauty', in his words.
when you shy away from compliments, it breaks his heart a little bit
he loves to talk and talk about you, so seeing that it might make you feel uncomfortable makes him rethink a little...
when he realizes it's because you feel undeserving?
he's not having it at ALL.
will make you do self-affirmations; he's not playing
"you're beautiful." "..." "well?" "i'm beautiful..." "I KNOW RIGHT?!"
he's kinda (really) annoying about it, but he's naturally cheesy so you gotta put up with it
and he doesn't limit himself to looks
no, he's ALL about you
you saved the crew's ass with a last minute strategy? you must be a genius!
and he goes into DETAIL
his strategy is mostly getting you used to compliments, so over time they don't feel so disconcerting to receive
if you're one of those people that deflects a compliment by complimenting someone back... he's gonna get you outta that habit
"look at you, i've got you all to myself? how luck-" "you look handsome too." "hm, i wasn't done. let's try that again."
and once you gain confidence around him? he's going insane.
something about your shy smile gets him GOING.
"you're an angel." "thank you, sanji." "ohmygodyou'resosexy."
10/10 confidence booster, might call you cringe petnames but worth it
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ZORO
tbh... zoro isn't one for compliments
but he's honest, a man of his word
so if a shirt is unflattering, trust me he'll say "that shirt's ugly as shit"
you ask him how something looks on you really often
he might be saying "DAMN" in his head
his heart's pounding, he's having a coughing attack, he feels lightheaded, and suddenly he's losing grip on his swords...
but out loud? you're getting a "looks nice"
not even a full sentence, sorry
you'll probably hear more skill-based compliments
imagine the crew's celebrating a successful trip with a round of drinks and they're about to make a toast for you
(bc you kicked ass)
and you try to push the credit onto SOMEONE ELSE?
he's ready to fight you
"luffy tripped over his own feet and face planted, sanji missed a kick and started spinning, chopper and ussop fell overboard, nami steered us until we almost tipped over, robin got locked in a storage room, and i almost drowned. give yourself some credit."
now wtf are you gonna answer to that? nothing... so as everyone else is laughing and retelling their stories, he just brings his bottle close to yours, "cheers."
tough love
but he's so serious. you work hard for your acheivements, so if you won't recognize them yourself, he will.
now if you're tryna get a compliment compliment from him?
drunk zoro
he's like 1 shot away from passing out, slurring his words and all
"hmm? oh, where'd y'get that? s'pretty, yeah."
"that smile's gonna kill me one day."
"shit, y'look cute."
"fuck, don't look t'me like that."
yeah, alcohol is his worst enemy.
in the end, he mostly just shows you how he feels through actions LOL...
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LUFFY
oh, he's completely unaware
but he's always tryna hype everyone up, and you're not an exception
will ALWAYS compliment you after a fight against the marines
"you did really well out there, let's get a meal to celebrate!"
if you go, "i was kinda useless, i don't know"
he's like "???"
just take the compliment because he's genuinely concerned and will argue with you until you give up
"what do you mean?" "it wasn't my best" "which means you're amazing even when you're not trying?" "oh" "yeah! cmon lets eat!"
if you compliment him, it turns into a competition
"i like your shirt, luffy." "thanks, yours is cute too!" "well, i think it goes nicely with your hat." "i think yours goes well with your shoes." "have you been working out more?" "i have, did you paint your nails a new color? they look cool!"...
yeah, it's never ending bc he doesnt know how to stfu
but trust, you'll never feel like luffy's lying to make you feel better
he's got a way with words when hes not being idiotic
"y'know, you're the kindest person i've met. i'm so lucky to have you next to me."
LIKE DAMNNN why are we being poetic
but if luffy's anything, he's genuine
so trust that the big stupid smile on his face when he sees you is something he cannot hold back
"why're you smiling like that?" "just happy to see you!"
and you're getting tackled to the ground
he doesn't expect anything back when he praises you, he does it because he feels like it
just don't try to deny it because he will NOT allow anyone, including you, to slander your name
also, whatever captain says goes
so if he says you're the bravest, prettiest, nicest, least smelly person in the entirety of the sea, it's true
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just something quick to put out ><
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seospicybin · 9 months
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TOO HOT TO HANDLE.
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PART I
Felix x reader. (s)
Too Hot To Handle Masterlist
Synopsis: You and Felix become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (15,4k words)
Author's note: It's kind of experimental turning this into a fanfic but hope you enjoy it. Part II will be out next week x
Content warning: This is entirely a work of fiction and not affiliated with real Too Hot To Handle show.
YOU: I think physical appearance is not that important. It's all about confidence. [flips hair] I think all women should carry their self with confidence, stand tall, and always strive to be better. 
But when you look at me, I'm pretty much a smoke show [laughs] I'd date myself if I could [laughs]
My ideal type is someone with a distinct charm. I'd love to see a tattoo or two on a man and someone who knows how to keep it exciting, cause I get bored easily [blows kisses to the camera]
-
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's why you accept your cousin's offer in exchange for money that would save you from getting kicked out of your apartment and from dropping out of college.
She was in a desperate time too when she reached out to you as one of the contestants decided to drop out of the reality show she worked in as the casting director.
Guess desperate times reached out to each other.
But you, as a nobody with less than a hundred followers on Instagram and you believe half of them are bots, have no experience of being in front of the camera, doubting that you'll do well in it.
Other than that, you think reality shows are just a waste of time, they have no educational value but dumb people down.
But what option do you have? You're broke, jobless, and a week away from being homeless when the offer came.
"What's the reality show about again?" You ask your cousin, Sara.
She rolls her eyes at you, it's probably the umpteenth time you asked her about it again. "It's on the description."
It's on the pile of papers she gave you but you're too lazy to read that many pages written in small fonts with single spaces.
You have to bring it close to your face to read it.
A group of determined singles visit paradise to meet, mingle, and remain celibate for their chance to win $200,000.
"So..." you stop reading after seeing the amount of money you can win from it, "it's basically a dating show."
"Yes," she answers, "but... you will not be allowed to kiss or touch or have sex."
"Oh, thank God!" You let out a long sigh of relief.
Yes, you need the money but knowing that you don't have to do such things for a reality show makes you feel relieved. At least when one of your peers knows, you wouldn't have to be embarrassed about it. You can say you did it for the experience, but spare the part that you did it for quick money.
Another question pops into your head, "But then... how are we going to date each other if we're not allowed to kiss or touch and whatnot?" 
Sara smiles at you, "See? That's the catch!"
She gets all excited in a second, "you have to resist each other from going at it," she further explains as her eyes turn a little loopy.
"Oh, so they'll be sex in it?"
She chuckles, "Maybe yes. Maybe not. Who knows?"
That's a vague answer and you still don't get how she would make money from making a reality show but doubtfully giving people what they want.
It's not like you're in it to actually find someone to date. You agree to join because she promised you more money once the shooting is done.
You're going to stay at a gorgeous villa on an island with a few people and try not to be in each other's pants, which is not what you intend to do in the first place.
What's so hard about it anyway? 
-
Wow!
You might have missed the part that you have to be dressed in provocative swimwear and show as much skin as possible in the papers Sara gave you.
However, there's this one motto that always works to make you through the day.
Fake it till you make it and you have no other option but to fake it.
Your hair is styled into loose waves to make it look like you've been spending time at the beach and thankfully, you're allowed to do your own make-up. You put on a simple one, put a little blush on your cheek, and a layer of shiny gloss over your lips.
You changed into a two-piece bikini and look at yourself in the mirror.
Damn, you don't even have to fake it anymore. You look hot and you think that's why they still passed you as a contestant despite knowing that Sara is a relative of yours.
The first segment of the reality show is contestants entering the villa one by one, but in your case, you have to do it with another gorgeous girl.
"I'm Maeve," she introduced herself in a cute Irish accent.
You might or might have not just checked her out from head to toe before shaking her hand back to introduce yourself back.
You're taller than her but that's what makes her cute. She has that pretty dirty blonde hair and a nice smile, exuding a very positive vibe. You like her already.
The staff gives you the cue to start walking into the gravel path that leads to the villa while the cameras take you from every angle possible to capture your best features.
By best features, you mean your breasts and boobs, anything that possibly makes people think that's how a perfect body should be.
You are against female objectification but again, what other choice do you have? Giving up your principles just so you can live another day in this capitalist world.
Cheers welcoming both of you as the other contestants that have made their entrance before you, watching you step into the scene.
You can feel their eyes on you, either in envy or lust or things in between. You introduce yourself around with hugs and kisses, which is not how you usually introduce yourself.
Once they handed you a welcome drink which is a glass of warm champagne from being under the sun too long, it's when you see each one of them better.
Your confidence deflates in an instant because they're all way hotter and sexier than you. They look good in their bikinis and their hair is perfectly tousled like they rolled out of bed looking that gorgeous.
You're not just talking about the female contestants, the male too are incredibly stunning, their abs are on display since they're only wearing swimming trunks, their skins glowing under the sun.
You find yourself fanning your neck just from stealing glances at it.
"Hot, huh?" The other girl asks you, one with a perfect bone structure and full lips.
You lightly chuckle, "Everyone in here is hot," you carefully with what you said, aware that a mic is attached to your body.
"I know right?" She says with a flirty smile.
After a moment, you learn her name is Laura and she's the epitome of a hot girl. She has the perfect hair, perfect body, perfect nails, and even the way her hair parted is perfectly in the middle. Other than that, Laura, like other pretty girls, has it easy in her life, she's a social media influencer with 300k-something followers and said she's here for 'shit and giggles', her words, not yours.
A lot more male contestants enter the villa and everyone refills their champagne flutes as the temperature raises. You can't tell if it's because you're so close to the beach or there's just a lot of heat in here, or it could be that you're panicking inside and try not to show it.
Your cousin Sara is wrong about one thing.
There's not just one catch, they're all a catch and you can't do anything about them.
-
YOU: I feel like I'm in an ice cream shop and they have all of my favorite flavors. Vanilla, chocolate, salted caramels, cookies, and cream... [bites thumb] I just can't wait to have a scoop of each flavor [chuckles]
-
After the introduction and draining six bottles of champagne in the process, everyone is allowed to explore the place, get familiar with each other, and mingle.
Well, of course, you have to do your part, be flirty with them but you don't intend to go into that yet. Not when your confidence level is at its lowest that you can't even fake it anymore.
You sit by the lounge chair by the beach, enjoying the view of the beach while trying to ignore all the cameras filming you.
One of the cameramen suddenly got closer to get an angle when you notice that one of the male contestants is coming to the beach and you see no one else there but you.
Suddenly, you feel alarmed, immediately check your appearance, and got you wondering why that is your first reaction. This never happens in real life.
"Hi," he says, sitting on the other lounge chair next to you.
You raise yourself from the longue chair, supporting the back of your head with a cushion.
"Hi," you finally say back, trying to sound calm yet sultry like how Laura speaks.
You notice that he speaks in an accent that you can't quite decipher its origin, "may I know what accent is that?"
"It's French, but I do speak German as well," he says.
"And English," you point out.
He chuckles, "That too!"
"I learn that everyone has an exotic accent while I'm here with the most basic accent," you say and it surprises you how well you're doing at being an obnoxious reality show star.
He smiles, showing his perfectly good teeth, "Nah, I think you're cute."
And surprises yourself again at how receptive you are, smiling at his compliment. You laugh to yourself as you try to remember his name, everyone introduced themselves too quickly earlier and gave you no time to memorize them.
"I'm sorry. What's your name again?"
"Alex," he says, taking another step towards you as if he wasn't standing close enough.
Alex is super tall, super attractive, muscles in all the right places and you have never cared about such things in a man before. Alex has nice brown skin and soft curly hair, he's charming in a way that subtly grows in you.
"Well, Alex, how come you're so tall?" You playfully ask him, holding your champagne flute close to your face.
"I play basketball," he answers.
You click your tongue in awe and at the same time, feel afraid that Alex has raised your standards of men to a whole new level.
-
YOU: Alex is hot. Isn't that obvious? That French accent ooh... [whistles] and he plays basketball. He's like a tall glass of water and I'm super thirsty.
-
He's hot, he's tall, he speaks three languages, and he also plays sports. What else can he do? You wonder...
"What about you?" He asks.
You think for a moment, "Well, I only speak English," you answer with giggles.
He leans forward and puts his elbows on his knees, looking at you with an intense stare.
"I can speak cat language too if that counts," you add.
He raises an eyebrow at you, "So you're a cat person, huh?"
"Yes, I am."
"I see..." he says, looking at you with an even more intense stare, "you like to be spoiled, huh?"
You turn to lay on your side to show him the curve of your body and bite your lower lip as you bravely stare back at him, "who doesn't like to be spoiled?"
Alex licks his lip as you catch him glancing at your lips, he thought of kissing you for sure but has no idea what stops him.
"What animal person are you?" You ask as the conversation starts to dry up.
He props a hand under his chin, "Why don't you guess?"
You tap your lips with your index finger to subtly tease him, "A puma?" You wildly guess.
He laughs, "Why?"
"I got the impression that you're wild, can't be tamed," you say whatever it is crossed your head at that moment.
You don't think Alex would care anyway with what you're saying because all he can think about is whether he should kiss you or not.
"Am I right? Or am I not wrong?" You dare him by closing the gap a few inches short.
Yet he remains in his seat and you're getting bored of waiting already. You retreat from keeping this going and sit up on the longue chair.
"I think I have to start getting ready for the party," you excuse yourself.
You're not proud that you're back to being such a bitch who plays with men but gosh, something about this reality show that brings out the bad girl in you.
-
YOU: Perhaps it's too early for him to get his move on someone. I think he wants to keep his options open and that's what I'm doing as well, I want to get to know a few of them and see if I... uh can have some fun.
-
The males are already waiting at the beach for the party.
The females are taking longer time to get ready because there is so much to do, hair, make-up and even putting fake acrylic nails.
You have lived as a woman for twenty-three years but only realized now how exhausting it is to be one. Not that you don't like it but people oftentimes don't give women enough credit for it.
"Come here, you sexy!" One of the males says.
Wow. What a way to impress a woman!
Everyone is sitting on the benches set around a bonfire and drinking cocktails with umbrellas in them, sipping and talking, checking each other out in secret or not so secret
A player recognizes another player so there's no use for all contestants to play naive, pretending that they're just here to sit around bonfire and make friends.
Everyone knows that they're here to get wild and becomes famous by doing it on a reality show. Except you thought, you don't want to go that far.
"Icebreaker time!" Says the girl with brunette hair and rosy cheeks. You believe her name is Heidi.
"Each one of us will take turns to stand in the middle with a blindfold on and anyone can do anything to that person. In the end, they have to guess who did it," she explains but more like babbling around the words while seductively chuckling in between words.
You don't get what she's saying but try to learn the game by watching as she takes the first turn to set an example. Heidi is a total babe, it's impossible if no one wants to have a piece of her.
A male comes up to her and has a deep kiss that put everyone to shame. One look and you can tell that it's one hell of a kiss. You sip the drink you've been holding in your hand.
Your heart is drumming the closer it gets to your turn, afraid that someone does things with you but it would be more embarrassing if no one does things with you.
So far, everyone at least has a kiss or a smooch, Laura even lets a guy touch her ample bosoms. You haven't made a move yet and it's kind of a requirement that you show your wild side because that's the idea of the show.
It's Jamie or that's what you remember his name is. He's taking his turn and putting a blindfold on, he looks gorgeous wearing a white shirt and short pants.
Jamie has glowing tan skin and six-pack abs, his hair must have skipped months of a haircut but rocking it all right. He keeps brushing his hair to the back, knowing that it looks better when it's messy.
You take a glance at everyone and none of them seem to make a move on him, impulsively, you get up from the stool and come up to him.
It's when you stand in front of him you have no idea what to do with him or more like, you have tons of ideas of what you want to do but can't choose one.
Everyone else is watching from their seats in anticipation, you shut down your brain from thinking and just go with it. You stand on your tiptoe and kiss him on the neck, covering your lips once you're done to not give him any clue that it's you who kissed him.
You run back to your seat and see what his reaction is once he takes his blindfold off. Next, Jamie has to guess who is it and to avoid looking suspicious, you calmly sip your drink and watch him guess who did it.
After taking too much time observing, he gives up, "I don't know. But whoever it is, I kind of want more," he says.
You try to remain calm and take another sip, looking anywhere but not in his direction.
It's finally your turn, your heart is beating faster and you wonder if the audio guy can hear it too with the mic resting around your neck.
Taking a quiet deep breath, you tie the blindfold over your eyes and around your head. You can only hope for the best now and block every insecurity that tries to reside in your head.
"Ooh..." everyone coos in unison and that only means someone is coming or about to do things to you.
Nervous, you clench and unclench your fists to calm yourself. Then a pair of hands gently cup your face and tilts your head upward.
Not ready for it, this mysterious person kisses your open mouth and proceeds to kiss you more, using his tongue in the most pleasurable way to taste you.
Damn! He's a good kisser and you reflexively respond to his kisses with your hands holding theirs. For a split second, you forget that you're in the middle of shooting a reality show and everyone is going to watch it.
You gasp the second they let go and have you fixing your lipstick because there's no way that phenomenal kiss not smudging it.
"Whoa. Can barely think after that kiss," you shamelessly tell everyone as you act drunk as you walk back to your seat.
Sipping your drink, you secretly assess everyone and try to guess which one of them kissed you. They're all hot anyway, it's not a loss to kiss one of them and you didn't know why you were fussing about it earlier.
Since Laura is taking the last turn and everyone seems to be whipped by her, you can see that all the male contestants anticipated this. You bet they're lining up to get a kiss from her.
It takes only a few seconds for anyone to make a move, the first one to have it is Daniel with half of his body covered in tattoos. He has a lean body and that bad boy attitude, he confidently strides to kiss Laura on the lips, so hard that she gasps in surprise.
You find yourself clapping at two people doing lewd things in front of a group of people. When you think Daniel is the only one succeeding in having a piece of Laura, another one takes his turn.
You almost scoff seeing Alex holds her by the neck and kisses her so deeply. Instant turn off, all those charms he has seems to be wiped off your head in a second.
-
YOU: Well, now we all know why Alex didn't kiss me [laughs] He likes someone else and that's good, I'll stop chasing him from here [sucks air through teeth] and on to the next one! [Raises hand triumphantly]
-
Moving on to the next segment, you prepare yourself for your act.
Sara is nice enough to let you know what the show is really about. When you ask everyone else, they believe that they're on a dating show and are here for partying and having fun and such.
Well, until... the cone-shaped talking pops out of its hiding and stops the party and the fun altogether.
"Hi, I'm Lana, and welcome to Too Hot Too Handle!"
Everyone stops talking and turns serious while deep inside you will find pleasure from their pain.
"You have been specially selected because you are all choosing meaningless sex over genuine relationships."
"That's true, though!" One of the males says and the other chuckles along.
"The purpose of this retreat is to help you gain deeper emotional connections in your personal relationships."
Daniel seems to be taking the news badly, "I'm not here for that!" He comments.
"As always, there are conditions to your stay here. You must abstain from sexual practices for the entirety of your stay."
Everyone is groaning in frustration, covering their eyes as if not having sex will make them die.
"No kissing. No heavy petting. And no sex of any kind."
More groans are spilling out of everyone's mouth.
"This also applies to self-gratification."
Wait! You didn't know that you'll not be allowed to touch yourself. Your body and you can't do anything about it.
-
YOU: The second I saw Lana, I know it's bad. But I didn't know it's that bad. Can't even touch myself? What?
-
"However, to aid your development, I've increased the prize fund to $200.000."
That one gets everyone hyped and jumping in excitement, including you. Thinking of that much money, you can shrug all your financial problems away. 
"Each time the rules are broken, money will be deducted from the prize fund."
But this one gets you down immediately, there's a possibility that no money will be left with all these horny people locked in a villa together.
"Everyone, welcome to the retreat!"
"Ugh!"
-
YOU: Everyone is pissed off, including me. But you know, something about being told not to do something only makes me want to do it [bites lip]
-
No, you're not pissed off about it. Sex is something you can easily avoid doing, you just need to keep it in your pants and that's what you're going to do.
You want the prize so much and want to put your focus solely on that.
"How do you feel, babe?" Maeve asks while putting her wavy hair into a messy bun.
You're cleaning up your make-up with her with Heidi in the room, "I'm super bummed!" You lie.
"I'm here to have fun so... I'll continue to do that," Heidi eggs on the conversation.
Maeve nods in agreement, "Right!"
Going to the bedroom, you see the next struggle and that is choosing your bed. A few of them have chosen partners to share the bed with. You don't want to choose yet so you nudge Maeve's elbow, "Want to share a bed?"
She smiles at you, "I thought you'd never ask," she answers.
Everyone else is on the bed and you look around, catching someone staring at you from across your bed. It's Jamie.
"It's you," he points at you.
You raise an eyebrow at him and mouthed, "What?"
He turns his head to the side and shows his neck, "the kiss."
Instead of answering, you slump down the bed and giggle behind the duvet. You bet he can tell from the color of the lipstick mark.
However, from all the males you see, you can't guess yet which one of them kissed you. Alex can't be it, he's sharing the bed with Laura and looking comfortable there.
That leaves Jamie, Daniel, Cole, and Felix. It could be Jamie but...
"Goodnight, babe!" Maeve says as the lights are turned off for the night.
"Night, beautiful!" You greet back and you silently thank her for stopping you to think about boys when you should be thinking about the money.
Eyes on the prize.
-
The first day and you wake up feeling so disoriented. It's the timezone, the weather, and the blinding sun that greets you the moment you get out of the bedroom.
They provide swimwear in the closet for everyone to wear besides your own clothes. You pick a pair and put on your make-up after with Laura and Alex, not sure if either of them is trying to make you jealous.
It's the first day of the rules applied and you already need to remind yourself of the prize fund.
"Who do you like?" You curiously ask Maeve as you're in the pool together with Jamie.
"I like Felix," She answers without a beat.
It's an obvious answer. If this show has two main characters they would be Laura and Felix. The males go for Laura and the females for Felix. You haven't had time to speak to Felix in person then again, everyone in here is attractive. 
"I think he's just so hot and cute," Maeve adds.
Jamie splashes her with water, "you're blushing!"
Maeve giggles and splashes water back at him, "what about you? What is your type?"
You didn't expect she'll turn the table at you and that you're like a rabbit about to get hit by a car.
"Come on, you can say it. Brunette with a British accent, nice smile, nice hair," Jamie playfully says with a grin at you.
Maeve chuckles then comments, "I think you two look cute together!"
-
YOU: I think Jamie is cute, he's a goofball. We share a vibe and he always smells so good [laughs] I can't say anything yet but yeah, let's see.
-
There are five males and five females, everyone can pair up and be a couple but things don't work out that way. There are so many things to consider like chemistry and connection, etcetera. However, you believe everyone is just waiting for someone to break the rules to go further.
That seems to be plausible with Lana throwing a party tonight.
"We're matching!" Jamie says.
You chuckle seeing that the only matching thing you have with him is the color of the pants you're wearing.
"You look beautiful," he compliments.
You tease him by jutting your ass at him and looking over your shoulder while batting your eyes at him, "Thank you!"
Doesn't want to be tempted, he turns your body around and puts his arm around you to lounging outside. You bet that he will use the opportunity to tell you about his intention.
You haven't been in relationships for so long that you forget how nerve-wracking it is.
"Cheers!"
"Cheers!" You clink your glass with him before taking a sip.
The sky is so pretty and clear tonight that you can see the stars like pinpricks on the night sky. The breeze is warm and salty, it's not good for your hair, you spent almost an hour straightening your hair and it's ruined in ten minutes.
"So do you have anyone you like?" Jamie asks.
You put your glass away and shake your head, "Nah, not yet."
He stares deeply into your eyes, "well, I like you," he suddenly admits.
"Like it isn't obvious," you jokingly say.
He laughs and licks his lips which makes you glance at his lips, it's round and full, glistening wet. You look away before it gets too creepy.
"You're gorgeous and easygoing and so fun to be around," he starts by complimenting you.
You don't know how he can have that conclusion when you only know each other for one day, you go along with him and nod, "Yeah, I agree."
He shifts on the seat and leans in close, putting his arm on the back of your head, "You're the first that caught my eyes when I came."
It's hard to know if Jamie said that in all honesty or to merely impress you. You saw how Alex jumped from one girl to another in a span of a few hours so you can't just trust his words.
Remember that they're all here for a reason, they're horny and emotionally unavailable. Sadly, that's what your types are for the last few months.
"I was hoping you'd compliment me more," you joke.
He throws his head back as he cracks a laugh, "I think it's your time to compliment me back."
You fold your legs on the sofa and put a cushion on your lap to play with the lint to keep your brain stimulated, to prevent you from zoning out midway.
You look at him as he looks back at you with hopeful eyes, "I think you're absolutely fit, you have a nice smile and are tall enough—"
"Tall enough?" He asks, a little offended.
You chuckle at his reaction, "In the best way. I hate when a guy is too tall," you explain.
"Okay, continue..." he allows.
"And you always smell so good," you lean in to take a whiff of his perfume.
"Good, yeah?"
"Tell me the perfume you're wearing," you playfully ask.
He shakes his head, "Not when there's the chance to make you take a whiff of it from me."
Jamie places his hand on your knee and the gust of wind makes his hair tousled and makes him look double attractive. His light brown eyes pierce right through you with the gaze he locked you in.
"What is there not to like about you?" You conclude.
He props a hand to support his head as he looks down at you, "what do you think about us?"
To be honest, it's too early to say something about this relationship. Not only that you barely know him, you don't have the intention to have a relationship at all.
"There's something there but I don't know, not sure about it yet," you honestly answer.
The hand on your knee moves up to your thigh now. Damn! Jamie is smooth.
"Maybe once I get to know you better, I'd know," you hurriedly add before he gets the wrong idea.
The next thing you know, you get yourself in a pickle as you find him leaning closer to you and his hand that was on your thigh, now resting on your waist.
"Maybe if we kissed, we'd know each other better," his eyes are centered on your lips.
"You want to kiss?" You lower your voice, afraid that there are other people around you.
Jamie leans in closer until his nose meets yours, "So bad," he answers.
Is it why he smells so good? That his perfume isn't just perfume, but it's also pheromones? You hold his chin, unable to choose whether to turn him away or bring him close, finding it hard to resist him.
-
YOU: Jamie looking so good tonight. He's literally too hot to handle [dramatically rolls eyes]
-
Jamie leans in closer and an inch away from your lips when you put your hand on his lips, stopping him from kissing you.
"Stop!" You mewl at him.
Jamie looks a little taken aback, thinking that he can seal the deal tonight.
"I want to kiss you," you tell him with your thumb brushes over his lips.
"But..." You cup his jaw and slowly speak to him so your explanation is not lost in the middle, "I don't want us to be the first to rule break."
If you were out there in the wild, you'd be all over each other by now. However, you think about the money, and spending money this early in the show isn't worth it, well, for you. Other than that, being the first to break the rules will only get you so much shit from everyone.
-
YOU: If we were outside, I would have ripped his clothes already by now [laughs] [facepalm] Lana, you should be proud of me.
-
Jamie sucks air through his teeth and laughs this off, maybe he feels a little rejected, you bruise his ego. Men are fragile like that.
"It's hard for me too," you sincerely tell him and throw your arms around him, consoling him with a hug.
"I'll just give you another kiss on the neck, okay?" you proceed to do it, placing a soft kiss on his neck right below his ear.
You hear him lowly groan with eyes closed, "That's not... uh, make it better."
He puts a hand around you, keeping you close next to him, "what about sharing a bed?"
You laugh at how relentless he is. Not only it means putting you at a bigger risk to break the rules but also, he's being haste about this.
"I'd like that," you answer, earning a grin from him.
"But not tonight," you hurriedly add.
His hand slides down your head to play with the end of your hair, twirling it around his fingers. 
"Why not?"
The player recognizes the player and Jamie is giving you the eyes right now. You look away and snug to his side, "I hump in my sleep and I think you'd like that too much."
He cracks a laugh with his hand drawing you closer to him, "More reason to share a bed!"
-
YOU: It's too early to share a bed with anyone. I still want to get to know the other and... [shrugs] keep my options open.
-
The party is far from over but you feel tired from socializing, and worse is, you can't escape them since you're sharing a house with them for the rest of the month.
You decide to excuse yourself, going to the make-up room and powdering your nose, then staying there to sip your drinks in silence.
There are nine other people to get footage from so you don't have to worry about making it interesting for people to watch.
"Hey, I've been looking for you!"
You turn on your seat to see Maeve entering the room, "what's up, babe?"
She drags the chair next to you, then sits on it. She checks her hair in the mirror and brushes the end with her fingers.
"I'm thinking of talking to Felix," she finally answers.
You sip your drink before talking, "And why are you here?"
Maeve laughs at your playful response, she leans back on her seat and sighs, "I don't know I'm so nervous to talk to him," she says.
That should be your question but you know that Maeve doesn't seek an answer from you, she needs some encouragements.
"You're gorgeous and fun, I think he'll like you," you tell her with a gentle squeeze on her shoulder.
She warmly smiles at you and checks herself again in the mirror.
"But if you intend to break the rules, I suggest you apply matte lipstick," you poke fun at her.
"I should do that," she searches for her make-up bag from the cluttering mess on the long vanity table.
After sending Maeve out of the door with another encouragement in a form of a cheeky slap to her butt, you bring your drink with you to the bedroom, feeling so ready to end the day already.
The first thing you see are two bodies going at it on the bed in the corner. You don't know why but you stay there standing in the doorway of the bedroom, watching them kissing on the bed.
After a minute of observation, you're positive it's Heidi and Daniel.
You hear someone coming from behind you, you hurriedly turn around to find Jamie there.
"Get me more drinks?" You immediately ask him, trying to sound natural.
"Sure, yeah, been looking for you," he says, more than eager to take you back to the party.
It's the only right thing to do. He doesn't care about the rules and if he knew that someone has broken the rules, he will be more relentless than he already is.
-
Thankfully, Lana doesn't announce any rulebreaking behaviors for today, the party ends on a good note and everyone has their happy ending, at least for today.
But for you, you're just happy to finally get on the bed.
As Maeve climbs onto the bed after you, you can't wait but ask her about how the talk went. 
"So, how's the talk?"
From the lack of her usual radiance on her face, you can tell that it didn't go well. You regret asking about it.
Maeve scoots closer to you on the bed and leans in, keeping her head turns away from Felix's bed.
"I talked to him and he was nice, said he finds me cute and funny," she keeps her voice low.
"Well, that's great!" You comment, a little louder than you intend to.
Maeve puts on a thin smile, "yeah so I asked him if he has eyes for someone," she says.
"Yeah and?"
"He said he likes someone," she answers.
You playfully bump her shoulder, "and it's you."
"Else," she finishes her words, "he likes someone else."
She rests her head on your shoulder and you put your arm around her, comforting her with gentle squeezes on her shoulder.
"Does this mean you're going to stop trying or...?"
"Not sure," she shortly replies.
"He said you're beautiful and funny, you should focus on that and work your way from there," you comfort her.
Men are not only stupid, they're all short-sighted, and that's why they like everything big. Maybe at first glance, Felix didn't see Maeve clearly and that's why you encourage her to try once again so he can take another good look at her because who knows?
-
The morning alarm is ringing.
They set a time to let everyone know when to start their day even though a few of us have woken up earlier. The lights are on and greeting each other, barefaced with eyes still sleepy.
Jamie jumps onto your bed and gets between you and Maeve on the bed.
"Good morning, girls!" His voice is muffled by the pillow underneath.
Maeve gently pats his back, "Cuddles only!" She reminds him.
He lifts his head and looks at you, "Not going to lie but I was about to kiss her until you said that," he tells Maeve.
Jamie looks so fine with a bare face and his bedhead looks extra fluffy when it's tousled.
-
YOU: Good morning! It's a good day, clear sky, nice weather with no chance of sex. [Snorts]
-
When everyone is called to the cabana, you know that it's judgment time.
You feel calm knowing that you successfully refrained from breaking rules but you know that everyone is not going to be pleased that a few people spent a few thousand dollars last night. Including you.
So far, you only knew about Heidi and Daniel but there's a big chance that other people break the rules too. It's a big place, you can't keep track of everyone.
This secret you've been keeping is getting too hard to bear yourself. The only person you can share it with is Maeve and you're positive that she didn't break any rules, not that you know of.
"I walked in on Heidi and Daniel kissing," you whisper to Maeve.
"My Gosh!" She lowly gasps.
The sound of Lana's cone-shaped head chiming and your heart leaps. You're not ready to lose money, not when you have your credit card bills spilling out of your mailbox as you speak.
"I regret to inform that there are several rule breaks."
Several? So that means there's more than one rule break? You're doomed, everyone is doomed.
"Everyone better be telling the truth right now!" Cole says as the resident's sex cop.
Everyone is looking at each other and a few are looking very suspicious right now. You bet that Laura and Daniel broke the rules from the way they avoid everyone's eyes.
Heidi raises her hand like she's in a classroom, "So..."
And everyone groans, knowing that they are about to hear a piece of bad news.
"Daniel and I, we kissed in the bedroom," she admits.
It's good that Heidi decides to come clean but it's a bit upsetting that Daniel just sits there like he didn't take part in it.
"But that was it. Just one kiss!" She assures everyone.
Welp, that's $3000 down the drain. However, Lana continues to press everyone to confess.
"Let's just get it over with, guys!" Cole adds with gritted teeth.
Can't hold it in yourself for long, you call them out by the names, "Laura? Alex? Have anything to say?" You ask with a piercing gaze.
"We uh... we kissed," Alex may have a buff body and the tallest of the bunch but he's bad at being honest like all men are.
"But it's because we're sure we have a connection. That's why we kissed," Laura is, of course, backing her man and ready to claw people with her super-long acrylic nails.
"I don't care what all of you are saying. We—"
"You kissed for how many times?" Cole cuts her off with the most important question of all.
There's a moment of silence and that means it's bad.
"Twice. On the bed and the beach," Laura answers with no apologetic expression whatsoever.
"That's so selfish!" Maeve exclaims next to you and lets out a big sigh after.
The worst is Lana is still here and asking if anyone wants to own up to their shit. You don't even want to count the most you've lost, it's a lot.
"You've got to be kidding!" Jamie groans from the end of the sofa.
Not only that the truth costs everyone money but serves the juiciest drama needed for TV broadcasts.
"Daniel kissed me," Aly finally confesses.
Everyone's eyes dart at Daniel, he kissed two girls yesterday and put them in a fight after this. Heidi looks furious sitting next to him.
"I'm pretty sure he kissed me first then he kissed Heidi," she adds, her eyes throwing daggers at Daniel.
"This is a mess!" You quietly comment and plant your face in your hands.
"These rule breaks have cost the group a total of $12.000," Lana announces.
You groan into your hand thinking that much money can cover a couple of months of your rent and here these fools spending them to satisfy their wild desire.
-
YOU: From now on, I'll be thinking of a Chanel handbag every time I get the urge to kiss someone because that's how much it costs.
-
"There are a total of four rule breaks in the last 24 hours and the fine on any further rule break will be doubled as of this moment," Lana announces another shocking news.
-
YOU: Great! A kiss equals two Chanel handbags now. [Hand against forehead]
-
It was one hell of a way to start the day.
Everyone's mood turns sour after that and Cole, being the sex cop he is, doesn't stop preaching to everyone to not break any rules.
What you fear the most with rules has been broken more than once now, it's allowed everyone else to take their turn and that includes Jamie.
It's only about time that he'll start demanding a kiss from you. Don't get fooled, men are just as insecure as women but they mask it well with their huge egos.
You try to avoid him and hang out with Maeve instead, chilling by the pool.
"I heard Irish people are a great drinking buddy," you want to distract yourself from the reality show you're in.
"I wouldn't call myself a 'buddy' but yeah, we're good drinkers," Maeve answers with her playful laughs.
You dip your fingers in the pool water and mindlessly splash it around.
"Come to Ireland and I'll show you a good time," she says.
You snort thinking that with the debt you have, you can't afford to travel out of the country right now but you can't pass on the invitation.
"Okay, I'll just go there with my winning prize," you jokingly say.
"Oh, yeah, totally," she responds with giggles but her eyes are nowhere in your direction.
Following her line of vision, she is watching Felix working out with Alex and Cole at the beach. You take it that she hesitates to make a move on him after knowing that he likes someone else.
"You're going to talk to him again right?"
Considering that the outside world is off-limits, leaving all of you with no choice but to interact with each other. This also means that Maeve will have to get a move on him or try not to be awkward with Felix walking around the house for the next three weeks.
"Who do you think it is?"
"The one he likes?" You guess.
She nods, glints of curiosity filled her eyes, "yeah."
"Certainly not you," you joke and break into laughter.
"Ouch!" She splashes water at you.
-
YOU: Maeve thinks a lot when she has nothing to worry about. She should just do it.
-
The house is huge even for ten people living in it but you can't keep avoiding Jamie.
After dressing up to hang out in the firepit, you sit next to Jamie at ease with the presence of other people there. But that doesn't stop him from touching you, putting his hand around you to play with your hair and whatnot.
"We should have kissed yesterday," he suddenly says.
You lowly chuckle, "When it was cheaper?"
The wind keeps blowing your way, sending your hair flying around and making it messy. Jamie attentively puts the stray hair away and tucks them behind your ears.
"Do you still want to break the rules?" You ask out of curiosity.
"If you want to," he answers.
He fixes the collar of his shirt and looks at you, "what about you?"
You crinkle your nose at him, conflicted. On one side, you want to kiss him and see if there's a spark between you and him but on the other side, it costs two Chanel handbags.
You rest your head on his shoulder, "I just don't think we should be selfish by spending money recklessly," you honestly answer.
"Yeah..." he agrees but the sigh he lets out at the end tells you otherwise.
-
YOU: Jamie sounds a little disappointed that I don't want to break the rules. I mean, don't hate the player, hate the game!
-
The make-up room is crowded with the girls cleansing their faces and doing their bedtime routine. You decide to take the last turn, lounging on Jamie's bed to make up for not sleeping with him tonight.
"Are you guys going to sleep together tonight?" Aly asks from the bed across the room.
Jamie turns his head with an eyebrow raised at you, asking you the same question.
"Yes, we are," you finally answer.
Jamie can't hide his triumphant smile and it looks adorable on him, you can't help but smile along.
-
YOU: I don't want to feel pressured to do it but I owe it to Jamie to at least try and see if this relationship is going somewhere.
-
It's understandable for them to be nosy, it's what the viewers need, a little drama, a little action but what they need are the juicy details.
Before anyone else gets nosy, you start getting ready for bed. Wipes clean your make-up and go to the bathroom to wash up, someone else is showering inside the stall.
It's a normal occurrence. Honestly, everyone else is just so calm about seeing each other's body at this point.
However, the glass wall is blurry so you don't have to worry about seeing someone's naked body inside. You head to the sink and mind your own business.
As you're brushing your teeth, the shower door opens and a hand reaches out for a towel hanging by the handle. In the mirror, you see Felix steps out of the shower and your eyes eventually meet through the reflection and you reflexively smile with a toothbrush tugged between your teeth.
"Hey," he greets.
It surprises you that the deep voice belongs to him, "Hi," you greet back.
He walks toward you and you scoot to the side knowing that he needs to use the sink.
"You don't mind, right?" He asks, taking his toothbrush out of his toiletry bag.
You shake your head, "not at all."
It's hard to not see his body when he stands close next to you. Everyone in here has a nice body but on the first impression, you see him as this thin and dainty guy.
Now, you've seen him up close, he has one of the best bodies in the house, his muscles are perfectly toned and it shows that he diligently worked on his body.
"How's your day?" He casually asks with the towel hanging low around his hips.
"Alright, I guess," you answer.
"You?" You ask back while washing your toothbrush under the running water.
He looks at you and smiles, "just got better, actually," he answers.
Felix is definitely flirting and you immediately fill your mouth with water before stupid things come out of it. You decide to quickly wrap it up before someone else enters the space even though you're doing nothing.
-
YOU: Felix and I are just talking. There's— [inhales] he's low-key flirting with me and I freaked out, there I said it.
-
Maeve is already on the bed when you enter the bedroom and so is Jamie with a space prepared on the bed for you.
It would be rude to say nothing to Maeve that you'll not be sleeping with her, so you come to her first.
"I'm sleeping with Jamie," you tell her.
She slyly grins at you, "Should I give you the sex talk?"
"No, thank you, mom!" You grab your pillow and walk to Jamie's bed still laughing.
Jamie's smile grows wider the closer you get to his bed, he opens his arms to welcome you.
"Come here, sweet thing!" He playfully says.
You hit him with your pillow before coming into his hug. As you settle on his bed, Felix walks past your bed and flashes you a smile, a little different from the one he gave you earlier.
You forget that he sleeps on the bed next to Jamie's and you don't know how it suddenly feels awkward to you.
"Be good, you two!" Cole warns with a piercing glare.
"Not going to break any rules. You can have my words," you assure him despite Jamie nuzzling his nose onto your shoulder as you speak.
-
YOU: At least, that's what I hope. Being in bed with Jamie and try not to break rules will certainly not going to be easy. Ugh!
-
Once the lights are out, Jamie spoons you from behind with his arms wrapped around you. Not going to lie but it feels nice to be with someone.
"You smell so good," he whispers into your ear.
You don't respond, afraid that it will only encourage him to do more.
"You're so soft," he says again with his hand splayed on your bare stomach.
"Night, Jamie," you put an end to the talk.
That doesn't stop his hand from cuddling you and nuzzling his nose in your neck.
"No goodnight kiss?" He asks.
You take his hand and kiss it as a substitute, earning a low laugh from him.
Jamie kisses you on the neck in return, "Night!"
-
YOU: It's getting a little hot in here [fanning your neck]
-
The first thing Cole does when he wakes up is ask everyone an important question.
"Did anyone break any rules last night?"
You shake your head because as much as it's been hard to refrain from touching Jamie, you didn't do anything but cuddle under the cover.
"I can promise you we've been good in here!" Jamie confidently states and puts his arm around you.
Aly as Maeve's new bedmate, points at Laura and Alex's bed, "I definitely heard noises coming from their bed," she snatches on them.
Alex may have a good poker face but you can't say the same with Laura, she's looking guilty but the kind that tells she's not sorry for doing it.
"You may as well spill the truth now," Daniel eggs in.
Laura nonchalantly shrugs as if she's not been acting selfishly when it's only about time that Lana announces how much money we've lost because of them.
-
YOU: I'm proud that Jamie and I managed to not break any rules last night. I hope that proves that we do have a real connection.
-
It's too late for you to walk out as Felix sees you coming into the bathroom.
You walk to the sink to grab your toiletry bag you forgot to take with you, "I can't believe our meet cute is in the bathroom," you say.
He laughs hearing your words while struggling to put sunblock on his back.
"Need help?"
He considers it for a moment then nods, "Yes!"
You take the tube of sunblock from him, pressing a big dollop of the cream on your hand and slowly lathering it on his honey skin. His skin is smooth and warm with muscles that make his back the perfect spot to lean on.
"So, you and Jamie, huh?" he suddenly asks, looking at you through the reflection in the mirror.
The question snaps you out of your daze. You're thankful that he can't see your face as you're busy making sure the sunblock is covering his back evenly.
"Yes," you shortly reply.
He hums while subtly nodding his head, "And what do you think?"
You play dumb but it's also because your hands wander to his lats and they're distracting, "of what?"
Felix leans forward with hands resting against the sink, "is it serious?"
You silently gulp air because his question only means that he has an interest in your relationship which also means that he has...
"We're still figuring each other out," you settle with a diplomatic answer for him.
You glide your hands back up to lather the sunblock down his shoulder blades.
"I see," he responds with a smile.
And not just a smile, a smile that tells he got the answer he wants.
You slide your hands down his arms and playfully squeeze his biceps, "there! Done!"
He takes the sunblock back from you and checks himself in the mirror, "thank you."
Felix raises his hands for a high-five with you, "Let's have a great day!"
You smile at him and return the high-five, "Let's do it!"
-
YOU: Maeve likes Felix and I'm obviously team hoes before bros. Always!
-
"Blue looks good on you!"
It's another day of Jamie's endeavors to kiss you, starting the conversation by complimenting your bikini. He joined you sunbathing by the pool in the afternoon, sharing a sun lounger.
"Thank you!" You reply with a smile with your eyes squinting under the bright sun.
His hand is squeezing your arm, "you got some muscles here," he says.
"I played volleyball in high school," you share.
Propping a hand under his head, he looks down at you, "I want to see you play volleyball."
You chuckle, "That was years ago. I forgot how to play."
"Must be looking sexy serving ball in tight shorts," he lowers his head into your neck.
You burst out laughing and slip your hand in his soft locks, "that sounds so wrong."
Not only that you're out in the open, it's rather dangerous with how close he is and his lips looking inviting as he plants it on your shoulder.
It's only right that you distract him by giving him a little taste but not too much, enough to make him crave more.
"Do it for me?" You ask with a bottle of sun spray in your head.
"I'd love to," he eagerly says.
Jamie sprays on parts of the body he wants to touch, all over your back as you lay on your stomach and down to your asscheek, excessively kneading on them.
You laugh at how he can't stop himself that you eventually have to turn over so he can continue, spraying your shoulders.
You take off the straps around your neck so he can spray your chest and sneaks his hand on the valley between your breasts.
"Yeah, get in there!" You playfully encourage him.
Jamie grins like a child who got caught taking a cookie out of the cookie jar. He then continues to spray on your abdomen and evenly rub them down your thighs next while glancing into your eyes once in a while.
To say that you don't enjoy teasing him would be a lie.
-
YOU: Jamie becomes more relentless by the day but am I wrong to not want to rule break? Isn't that the purpose of this retreat?
-
As the day turns to night, it's only about time until everyone got called to the cabana.
You feel sick listening to the sound of Lana's cone-shaped body chiming, especially with Laura and Alex acting so suspiciously.
Lana is a computer but she sounds not pleased as she greets everyone. Cut to the announcement, she informs that Laura and Alex did break the rules last night.
You glance at Cole who got speechless that he's just looking at Alex in disbelief.
"These rule breaks cost the group $18.000."
-
YOU: For three kisses? Really? Lana, please, be reasonable with the prices.
-
"That's not the only rule break they committed," Lana spills more truth.
This is what you fear the most, getting riled by the whole group for breaking the rules. Everyone looks at both Laura and Alex waiting for them to confess.
"I touched his willy under the cover," Laura confesses.
Everyone groans in unison.
You don't know how Laura is okay being so selfish and can keep a straight face, but that's probably why her make-up is super thick.
"This rule break costs the group a further $4.000."
"Why would you do that?" Maeve asks and she rarely gets this mad.
"It's not a big deal!" Laura nonchalantly responds.
"Yeah but not for $4.000!" Heidi snaps at her, as furious as everyone.
"Now the prize fund stands at $166.000."
-
YOU: I can use that money as a deposit for a house and here we are, spending it on kisses and a hand down a guy's trouser.
-
The night gets darker not only on the outside but inside the house as well.
Lana sends Laura and Alex to the suite to test if they're building a true connection but everyone is skeptical that they'll pass the test.
You sit on the bed with Jamie resting his head on your lap, brushing his hair to relax you now that you've lost a chunk of money.
"Alex is like the horniest people and Laura is the biggest teaser, it's a recipe for a disaster," Aly comments, lying on her stomach on the bed opposite yours.
"They will rule break once or twice at least," Jamie adds his opinion.
The night ends early but you see that Maeve and Felix haven't returned yet to their respective beds. You hope that things are going well with them.
You nuzzle your head into Jamie's chest and murmur, "We haven't broken any rules," you tell him.
"Yet," Jamie continues your words clasping your hand with his.
You look at him and smile as he looks back at you, "We've been good and I'm proud."
He foolishly smiles and opens his arms to invite you for a hug. You jump right into his embrace and those muscles on his body feel pillowy under you.
Jamie pulls the duvet to cover both of your bodies even though the lights aren't out yet. You squeal as he starts to glide his hands down your sides.
-
YOU: I appreciate Jamie for being so patient because I know, it was hard for me to not throw myself at him.
-
"We don't need another rule break tonight!"
Cole pulls the duvet down to reveal that the two of you are just tickling each other under the cover.
At the same time, Felix makes his way to his bed, seeing you straddling Jamie on the bed which sends you to get off of him immediately.
It's unclear why you do that but your eyes go straight to Maeve's bed, it's empty even when the lights are already out.
You nestle your head in Jamie's neck as he lightly touches up and down your arm and kisses your hand once in a while.
You plant a soft kiss on his neck and whisper, "Night."
He kisses you back on the head, "Goodnight!"
-
YOU: I start to believe that maybe Jamie and I do have a genuine connection [smiles]
-
Everyone is looking restless from the moment they woke up and looks in shambles once they gathered in the cabana, ready for that time of the day.
After a while, Laura and Alex are returning from the suite. You recognize the glow on Laura's face right away but you could be wrong.
God! You hope you're wrong and they didn't do anything selfish last night.
You're spacing out as Lana comes with her anxiety-inducing ping sounds and all you can think about is how much money Laura and Alex spent last night.
"They're looking suspicious," Aly whispers at you.
Indeed, they are, and looking very guilty as well. Everyone waits in anticipation as Lana takes her time to announce whether they pass the test or blow all the money in one night.
"I must tell the group that Laura and Alex did..."
You hold your breath for the worst outcome.
"Not..."
It's getting harder to breathe now.
"Break any rules!"
Everyone shoots up from their seats and congratulates the couple in turns. You got so far in life that you get to celebrate people for not having sex.
-
YOU: So they can keep it in their pants! I'm proud!
-
Lana has another announcement after everyone settled in from the celebration.
"To motivate everyone to grow genuine feelings of connection as opposed to lust, I've prepared gifts for all of you."
You take the box in front of you and open it to reveal a watch inside.
"When I observe two people forming genuine connections, they will be given a green light like this."
Everyone's watch chimes and turns green at the same time.
"While the lights are green, the rules do not apply for a limited amount of time."
Cole claps his hands together to get everyone's attention, "There's no more excuse for anyone to break any more rules!"
-
YOU: This [shows the watch] motivates me to build a connection with Jamie. Hope we get to be the first to get the green light.
-
After a very stressful morning that thankfully ends with a happy ending, you can have the room to breathe since the boys are out of the house to do a workshop at the beach.
The girls are hanging out in the bedroom and with the drama going on earlier, you forgot to ask Maeve why she went to bed late last night.
To get a little privacy, even though you can't get any with cameras placed in every crook and nook of the villa, you take her to the make-up room. You sit next to her while fixing your make-up in the mirror.
"Is everything okay?" You ask.
Maeve sits with both feet up on the chair and looks down at her nails, "not okay, honestly," she answers.
You stop looking at the mirror and turn your chair to face her, "why? What happened?"
Maeve hugs her folded legs and looks at you, a sad smile on her face.
"I just don't know what I'm doing here..."
You place your hand on her knee, "hey, don't say that!"
"I'm not making connections with anyone and I tried, but it's not working. I-I don't know why I'm here," she says with a heavy sigh at the end of the sentence.
It seems like things aren't going well between her and Felix, and Maeve is someone with low self-esteem, which makes her somewhat dejected that things didn't go well.
"You don't have to be a couple to make progress, you know," you comfort her and it's true, Cole is proof that he's fine not being in a pair and dedicates himself as an avid protector of the prize money instead.
"I'm not pretty. No one wants to be with me," she breaks into tears and buries her head in her hands.
You get up from the chair to hug her, "First of all, everyone here is pretty and it's not a beauty pageant, okay?" You comfort her while slightly bending down with your arms around her.
"It's not about look. It's about chemistry, attraction, and stuff," you awkwardly explain.
You have no talent in comforting someone but you try your best. After a moment, Maeve lifts her head and looks at you.
"No one is attracted to me," she says with her fingers carefully dabbing the corner of her eyes to avoid ruining her make-up.
You scoff and turn the chair to face her before sitting on it, "you are so beautiful, Maeve," you assure her with both hands holding hers.
Maeve puts down her feet and your clasped hands dropped onto her lap, "I know," she half-heartedly agrees.
"For you, I'll fly to Ireland and come see you, we'll get drunk and have so much fun," you cheer her up with nice thoughts while shaking her hands.
Maeve cracks a laugh and you can see that she starts to get hopeful again. She's a genuinely kind person which is not someone you expect to meet here, you think of her as a friend despite it happening because you both are in a reality show.
A crazy idea crosses your head, "you know what? We can be a couple and win the money," you tell her.
-
YOU: I'm bad at comforting people and the only thing I know how to comfort someone is through actions [slyly smiles]
-
She laughs at your wild suggestion that it takes her a while to reply to you, "I'd love that, yeah," she jokingly answers.
An even crazier idea crosses your head, "come here then," you tell her, pulling her close until your heads meet in the middle.
Maeve senses your intention but not doing anything to stop you, instead, she leans in first to kiss you.
You kiss her back as she softly brushes her lips on yours over and over again. She tastes so sweet and warm, she knows how to use her tongue and not overdo it, and overall, one hell of a good kisser.
You pull away first as the reality that someone might walk in on you dawns on you.
"Did we just break the rules?" Maeve asks while wiping her smeared lipstick.
"You'd better have a good poker face!" You warn her.
-
YOU: Goodness! Maeve is a good kisser and that kiss... I think that was the best $6.000 I ever spent. No regret at all.
-
The boys are back just in time for another party Lana is throwing tonight.
The theme is Saints and Sinners and there's a box of costumes for everyone to wear. You choose to be an angel with wings even though you've been behaving badly after breaking the rules earlier.
He sits you on his lap even though the sofa is spacy enough for another two persons but you feel safe since Alex and Laura are there, cuddling in the smaller sofa across from yours.
"So, what did you do in the workshop?" You ask Jamie.
He takes a deep breath and his chest heaving along with yours, "we learned how to be more open with our feelings."
You nod along and leer over at him, "And how did it go?"
Jamie rests his chin on your shoulder with a hand resting on your stomach, "Well, I'm never good at it but I think I did alright."
He doesn't sound so convincing but you appreciate the effort.
"You look beautiful, babe!" He compliments you along with a gentle squeeze on your thigh.
You're immune to sweet nothings like this but a compliment is a compliment. You smile and mutter, "Thank you!"
You slip your hand into the opening of his shirt, "I like your shirt," you compliment back with a seductive smile.
He sees your hand slide in further into his shirt, "should have let another button open."
Jamie keeps checking his watch hoping that the light turns green soon.
You doubt that a few compliments can do it and silently laugh at his fruitless effort. 
-
YOU: I'll always be physically attracted to Jamie but I don't know. I can't tell if I doubt myself or him, or us, entirely [clicks tongue]
-
The time for doom is here.
You exchange nervous glances with Maeve knowing what we've done would damage the numbers on the prize fund. You doubt that it's what Laura felt when she broke the rules because what you're feeling is a sense of guilt but that's solely because you behaved selfishly, not for the kiss.
"Hours after receiving the gifts of my watches, a couple of you decide to break the rules by kissing," Lana announces.
Everyone's eyes land on Alex and Laura since they're the regular rulebreakers. Just know that they'll be surprised once they found out who did it.
"You know the routine. Just spill it!" Cole sounded so done at this point.
You hate to break his trust but you don't feel bad for breaking the rules, not when you have a good intention. Your heart is pounding for how much shit you'll get either from admitting it or don't, you choose the former.
"It was me," you blurt out with a hand raised.
Jamie snaps his head at you, eyes wide filled with confusion because he knows for damn sure you didn't kiss him or vice versa.
"I'm not going to name names who I did it with and why," you quickly add and it's the only right thing to do, you don't want to force Maeve to speak out unless she wanted to.
"I'm sorry," you apologize.
Jamie looks even more confused but his eyes are scanning the guys one by one even though it isn't any of them you kissed.
"I'm sorry, Cole," you apologize to him personally since he's the one who gets sensitive the most about the money.
Maeve raises her hand and decides to admit it as well, "she did it with me."
They let out a collective gasp, laughter, and sneaky eyes going on after. Jamie squeezes your shoulder but not saying anything to you.
"Another $6.000 has gone from the prize fund, leaving the group with $160.000," Lana furtherly informs.
Funny that you didn't about the money at all when you kiss Maeve. Probably because you know that you intend to rebuild Maeve's confidence, so she's not giving up on herself and continues her journey here.
However, when it comes to Jamie, you're still not sure if you want to spend $6.000 on a kiss with him.
-
The rule break doesn't seem to leave that much impression on everyone.
Maybe because they give you a pass because it's your first time breaking the rule and the night ends in peace or that's what you thought.
You're chatting with Aly in the firepit to avoid the crowded make-up room when suddenly Felix comes behind you. You didn't notice until Aly sends you a signal with her eyes.
"Can I talk to you?" He asks.
Aly gets the hint and decides to leave, "I'll excuse myself then."
You've spent a couple of times alone with him even though they only last for a few minutes, but this time is different, no one is around except for the filming crew lurking in the bushes or somewhere you're not aware of.
The sofa could fit a couple of dozen people but Felix decides to sit next to you.
"Hi," he sweetly greets.
"Hi, how are you?" You ask with a smile.
His legs are spreading wide and he has gaping holes in his jeans, exposing bits of his thighs that you found are surprisingly muscular.
"I'm good," he answers, doing the classic move of putting his arm on the headrest of the sofa, "how about you?"
Your body somehow responds by putting your leg over the other and leaning towards him, "Never been better."
Felix gets quiet but his eyes are deeply looking into your eyes as if he found something fascinating in them. A while later, he clears his throat as he slightly slouched on the sofa, legs spreading wider, sending the holes in his jeans to stretch and expose more of his skin.
"During the workshop, we were taught to open up about our feelings and I–" He pauses to scratch his small nose and continues with an uneasy glance at you, "I know what I want and I want to do it. I know I'll regret it if I don't."
"Okay," you respond while nodding along and at times, getting distracted by the holes in his jeans.
"I know you're with Jamie and I don't mean to break things between the two of you but I feel like... I need you to know that I like you."
Felix talks without a beat and with the intense stare he's giving you, you gulp air feeling nervous but in an exciting kind of way.
"I like you," he says again.
Your heart starts to race because you can feel how much he meant all of his words.
-
YOU: Oh my God! The hottest man in this retreat likes me?!
-
"You don't have to do anything about it," he casually says as if he didn't just put you in a predicament since you're with Jamie.
Felix retracts his hand and accidentally or not, brushes his hand on your shoulder. He gives you the faintest of physical contact but enough to send a shiver down your spine.
Still speechless by his sudden confession, but you know you should have said something to him to avoid him getting the wrong idea.
"Thank you for letting me know," you begin.
"You're very welcome!" He excitedly responds with a wide grin.
"But let me know if you want to do anything about it," he adds with a playful grin.
Something about him makes you warm inside, you can feel your cheeks heating, flustered with his eyes never straying away from yours even for a second.
The night is late and the fireplace is laying low, swaying with the gentle breeze coming from the sea, Felix's lips suddenly look so inviting, enticing you like a forbidden apple.
This is dangerous. 
"Let's head inside," he says, thankfully being the one putting a brake on the imminent danger.
-
YOU: This is honestly what I seek with Jamie, that excitement, that sparks and it's a problem that I got it from someone else without any sort of physical contact whatsoever.
-
"So, Maeve, is she a good kisser?" Jamie asks as he sits with you on the bed.
Maeve sips water from her tumbler before answering, "The best!"
She takes another sip before talking again, "You're in for a treat, Jamie."
He glances at you with an impressed smile, "Too bad that I can't confirm that," he says.
That's his way to dig at you for what you did. You understand that he feels betrayed by what you did, you refuse to kiss him but easily kissed someone behind his back.
You put your hand across his chest and look at him, "Are you mad?"
"Nah," he coyly answers.
You bring your mouth close to his ear, "are you jealous?"
Jamie chuckles as your breath tickles his ear, "A bit, yeah."
You kiss his cheek and deliver your apology with a heartfelt whisper, "I'm sorry, baby."
-
YOU: I, of course, feel bad for not giving Jamie the heads up about the kiss I did with Maeve. He looks rather upset but I know I deserve it.
-
It's probably luck that follows you throughout the times you spent in the retreat.
Everyone forgot about your rulebreaking as Daniel decides to get a new bed partner. He used to sleep with Heidi but tonight, he decides to sleep with Aly.
You nudge Jamie who's sleeping with his head nuzzles in your neck to witness the drama happening in the room.
His mouth opens in surprise while you look at Heidi who's slumped down on the bed.
"You okay?" You mouth at her.
"No," she mouths back.
You turn to look at Jamie, "Oh my God!" You lowly gasp.
"I feel bad for Heidi," Jamie whispers.
"Me too," you say back behind the duvet at Jamie.
-
YOU: Let's say we never know what's going to happen next [shrugs]
-
The mood the next morning has been set to gloomy with the drama that happened last night.
The good news is there's no sign of anyone breaking any rules and the bad news is that Jamie seems to not moving on from your kiss with Maeve yet.
Jamie is usually chipper whenever he's with you, except for today, he seems distant even though you're working out together by the beach.
"Tighten your glutes," he instructed.
You play dumb since that's the most successful way to win a guy's heart, "tighten my what?"
Jamie chuckles and enthusiastically shows you the parts of your body you need to work on, the back of your thighs and legs. His hands don't skip the chance to rub over the curve of your ass.
"Can you feel it?" He asks as he guides you to do a proper squat by standing right behind you.
You intentionally nudge his crotch with your ass, "oh yeah, I can feel it," you answer with giggles.
By working out, you hope that it would help to release tension between you and Jamie, it worked but in the process, you're getting that tingling down there with his hands constantly touching you.
You collapse onto the yoga mat from doing a plank and groan, "Ugh... I'm so horny."
Jamie laughs as he helps you get up from the mat.
-
YOU: I realized now that maybe Jamie needs validation, he needs more than just words from me. Maybe I have to do something about it [raises an eyebrow]
-
Before you can set a plan, Lana calls everyone to the cabana.
Not sure if anyone breaks any rules but you feel sick in the stomach whenever you sit down and face her cone-shaped body.
Cole is getting ready to put his laser eyes on anyone who breaks the rules.
"No one break any rules last night," Lana announces.
Everyone seems to be letting out a sigh of relief and you feel guilty just from thinking about doing a rule break later for Jamie.
"With the couples seeming to form deeper bonds, it's time to establish how committed to each other you really are," Lana states.
Couples? You are positive you and Jamie are included in it.
"By sending some of you on dates..." Lana continues.
-
YOU: The question is... Who's going on a date? I would love to go on a date with Jamie.
-
Now everyone starts to hold their breath again with Lana dragging each piece of information just to torture all of you.
"With new arrivals," Lana finally finishes.
This is not a good time for Lana to intervene, not when you plan on taking things further with Jamie. Also, new arrivals mean that they're not adapted to the rules yet, they'll be uncontrollable, horny babies like... well, everyone here a week ago.
"The first arrival is... Mia," Lana announces.
The guys snickered in joy, excited even just from hearing the girl's name.
"I have given her a choice of dating one of the boys currently in couples."
Your mouth hangs open in surprise, you're wrong to underestimate Lana's power and that she owns this game, she's the mastermind.
"She has selected..."
-
YOU: I hate to think about it but I have an inkling that this Mia girl is going to choose Jamie [leans back on the sofa]
-
"... Jamie."
The timing is impeccable.
Things are going well between you and Jamie, then Lana, being the girl boss she is, decides to ruin all of that.
You look at Jamie and he looks slightly pleased that he got chosen.
You're spacing out the rest of the time Lana announces another arrival, a boy who chose Laura to be his date.
It's unclear whether you're jealous about him going on another date or you regret holding yourself back from him all these times.
Jamie rubs his hand up and down your arm, briefly kisses your cheek, then says, "You have nothing to worry about."
How come you trust his words when you've witnessed all these bed hoppings and jumping ships happened overnight?
-
YOU: What Jamie said only makes me even more worried. Lana said it's a test so this Mia girl must be sexy, and speaks three languages or something. You know, like a girl version of Alex.
-
Maeve is helping you style your hair for tonight.
"How do you feel about Jamie going on a date with someone?" She asks.
You shrug and sigh, sending the powder you're holding flying around your face.
"I just hope she's ugly," you jokingly answer.
"Hate to break the news but I think she's hot and a potential rulebreaker," Maeve decides to pour salt on your wound instead of soothing it.
"It's not that I don't care but I decide not to care," you explain.
You finish your make-up with a setting spray and check yourself again in the mirror, "but you know, deep down, I'm scared, shitless," you admit.
It's getting more nerve-wracking waiting for Jamie to come back from his date. Maeve keeps you occupied with happy thoughts, telling you fun things you can do in Ireland with her.
The other girls low-key comfort you by complimenting your looks. It's a nice gesture except that no one died and you're not in mourning, you just want this to get over with.
Laura is the first one to come back, guiding the new arrival by linking her arm with his.
She introduces Killian around, an Irish man who's just the perfect match for Maeve.
Killian is a great distraction, his accent is attractive and so is his smile. You keep nudging Maeve's elbow to send her hints.
Maeve replies by elbowing your side and you thought she was being playful, then turn your head around to see Jamie has came back from his date.
"Oh shit. She's hot!" Aly exclaims.
You bite your tongue and put your lips together, not wanting to lose your calm easily. There are only two possibilities, Jamie stays with you, or not.
As Jamie pulls you to the make-up room, you know it's time for him to decide.
"How was the date?" You ask with a smile.
"It was nice. We had champagne and fruits and cheeses," he gives you an answer that you don't expect.
You silently gulp air and keep on putting on a smile for him, "Sounds lovely!"
The moment passed in silence is deafening and you need to burst it. You clear your throat and hold the hand on his lap.
"So... are you here to tell me I was right for not worrying you?" You joke.
Jamie awkwardly laughs at your question and that you're right for worrying him. A part of you is in denial that you're not chosen but another part of you decides to shut him out right here, right now.
"I want to tell you that Mia and I... I think we have something going on between us and I want to get to know her more," he slowly explains.
This heart is fickle, you decided not to care but you feel a sting in your chest when he told you that.
"You're saying you chose her?" You ask for confirmation.
Jamie takes your other hand, afraid that you run away before he can explain.
"No, I'm staying with you and openly telling you that at the same time, I want to get to know Mia," he refuses your words when it's exactly what he wants.
Other girls would give him the chance but not with you, if Jamie chose her then he should stay with her. There's no use for you and him to stay together if he wants to get to know someone that isn't you.
"Jamie you can't do that. You either stay with me or be with her, you have to choose!" You insist on him settling on a decision.
-
YOU: Apparently, Jamie wants to have his cake and eat it too [shakes head]
-
You get it that Jamie is conflicted because he still likes you but the other girl offers him something that you don't give to him.
"I like you. I still want to be with you," Jamie persists.
His words are not aligned with his action. You shake your head and put his hands away, "it sounds like you're asking me to wait for you while you're getting it on with someone else."
That seems to put the nail in the coffin that he got speechless. The disappointment got to you that you and if you stayed longer, you're afraid you would say something you didn't mean to him.
"You've made your choice, Jamie," you tell him.
-
YOU: To say that I'm disappointed is an understatement. I'm livid, I'm... I was planning to take things further but yeah... [brushes hair to the back] Mia happens.
-
Can't believe that you'll be the one serving drama tonight.
You stall in the make-up room, not wanting to get to the bedroom yet. You're drying your hair after a shower and sitting there for a minute, just taking everything in and trying to let it go.
Taking a deep breath, you keep a straight face as you push the door into the bedroom and have no choice but to share a bed with Heidi since Maeve is sharing the bed with Killian.
"You alright, babe?" She quietly asks.
You hold your forehead and slump down on the bed, "it's shitty."
She gently squeezes your elbow, "yeah."
You lay down on the bed and avoid the eyes looking back and forth between you and Jamie. You may decide not to care but seeing him sleeping with another girl right in front of your eyes, hurts.
You cover your eyes with your hand and mumble, "I just want to get this day over with."
-
YOU: Jamie has decided so he has to live with that decision. Good luck, I guess.
-
If it weren't for her, Jamie would have stayed with you and you wouldn't be waking up to Heidi lowly snoring next to you.
Mia might have seduced him but it wouldn't happen if Jamie remained faithful so you decide to blame him, not her.
This is probably what Maeve felt that day when she cried, defeated, and dejected.
But Jamie has to try harder if he wants to see you cry.
 "How are you feeling, sexy?" Maeve asks as she waddles in the swimming pool.
You sit on the edge with your feet dipped in the sun-warm water, "I don't know, really," you shrug.
She holds onto your leg, clinging to it to stay afloat, "You're better than her, trust me, she's not that attractive if you looked at her long enough."
You know that she's not saying that out of spite, she said all that to make you feel better.
"Saying unkind things about her doesn't make me better, Maeve," you tell her with a glare.
"I'm sorry but it's true," she says with a subtle shrug.
-
YOU: Jamie and I [sighs] We hugged, we cuddled, we slept in one bed together. I don't want to care but the truth is... I care.
-
The day drags on and you're more than happy to get to your bed except that you're not ready to see Jamie and Mia cuddling on the bed you used to sleep on.
You're hanging out with Maeve in the make-up room while she's braiding your hair to pass the time.
"We can sleep together. I'll just tell Killian—"
"And risks Heidi stealing him from you?" You cut her off with a joke.
Maeve laughs as she tied the end of your hair with an elastic band and fixes the loose hair on the back of your head.
"Enough about me. How about you and Killian?"
Maeve plops down on the chair next to you and takes a hairbrush from the table, slowly combing the end of her hair.
"We chatted a lot but not sure if we have that connection," she answers.
"But don't worry, we're getting along just fine," she assures you in response to your concerned expression.
"Is it perhaps because you haven't moved on from Felix?"
Asking her that is like walking on eggshells and you're doing it carefully. Mostly because Felix confessed that he likes you that making it seems that way to you.
"Oh come on! I've moved past that," she answers while twirling her hair around her fingers.
You consider telling her about Felix's confession that night but it comes to no use, the retreat has come halfway to finish and you're not sure if Felix still likes you.
It's close to lights out and you step into the bedroom with Maeve.
Heidi is already taking half of the bed with her long legs that you have to scoot close to the edge to lie down.
"Goodnight, everyone!" Aly says to everyone in the room and getting sleepy mumbles in return.
-
YOU: When I think about it, I'm seeing Lana more than my therapist [uneasy smiles]
-
This is not how you want to start the day.
You don't want to hear what Jamie and Mia did or how they spent $20.000 last night. He probably has pent-up tension and finally got to release it with her.
"You got the watches, man!" Cole is coming at him.
You sit back and watch it from the end of the sofa on how Jamie is trying to explain himself.
"I know you won't believe me but Mia and I, we have a connection," he explains.
"Why not act right and get rewarded?" Cole is jabbing him with words.
"You won't understand," Jamie says with a defeated sigh.
-
YOU: Maybe that's why I doubted Jamie. I can see it now, the bright side [smirks]
-
Nothing says a fresh start than doing yoga with Heidi.
Apparently, she is a licensed instructor and you feel a whole lot better after stretching your body to the limit.
You share the shower with Maeve to cut the time and get ready to dress up.
As you're applying your lipstick, Lana chimes in and makes you jolt in your seat.
Maeve's mouth drops open and she stops curling her hair altogether.
"Hello, ladies!"
"Hi, Lana," you nervously answer and push your chair away from the table.
Then she calls your name and you almost choke on air.
"Y-yes?"
"I'm offering the chance to go on a date with Felix " Lana informs out of the blue.
"Me?" You ask in disbelief.
"Would you like to attend?" Lana asks.
You turn to look at Maeve to remind yourself to be a good friend and a good friend avoid hurting her friend's feelings.
"Shouldn't we make them wait for at least 48 hours for an answer, Lana?" You playfully respond.
Maeve kicks your feet under the table, "what are you doing? Say yes!"
"Then how about you?" You blabber, not expecting that she gives you the blessing to go on a date with her former crush.
"What about me?" She asks in pure confusion.
"Don't you like him?"
Maeve excessively sighs, "I told you I've moved on!"
She kicks your feet again, "Hurry! Say yes!"
You turn to look at Lana in her mixed purple-hued lights and hesitate to say yes. Not only it means you have to start it all over again, but also letting yourself open for another heartbreak.
"Would you like to attend?" Lana asks once again.
-
YOU: I'm not sure if I'm ready to try and restart [sighs]
-
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Text
WHO IS THE HOTTEST JANE AUSTEN MAN ? THE FINAL
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Propaganda...
Captain Wentworth (1995):
Ciaran Hinds has that perfect ruggedness yet friendliness to his face that makes him the perfect charming Wentworth. And all of the longing that he manages to convey in his eyes is so hot.
Wentworth may be angry/resentful with Anne but in general he is charming and the best friend you could ever have. Ciaran gets the pleasant parts of his character and brings them out, while keeping a guarded coolness (protective camouflage) with Anne.
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I dunno if this counts as propaganda or not, but Ciaran Hinds has a face that looks like it was jackhammered out of a shale cliff.
If a line like 'I am half agony...half hope' comes out of a face like that you know that man has a soul for poetry.
I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in
F. W.
I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.  
This is propaganda for the next round because I need my boy to be a finalist! But this letter is all the persuasion I need to know that he is a winner
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Ciarán Hinds in this is a whole other level of "a good man" He makes Anne's decision at the end so much more perfect.
LOOK
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HOW
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HE
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YEARNS
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The yearning the yearning - JLM gives a great look but Captain Wentworth is the king of longing stares. He's trying sooo hard to hate her sooo hard to get over her - 8 years and he thinks he's ready to face her and move on but no he has to notice she's exhausted on the walk, that her nephew is being overwhelming, that she should be dancing and not just playing the piano for everyone else. And even though he's jealous later on when Mr Elliott gives her an "admiring look" in lime he's pleased for her because he knows she deserves to be admired and cherished even if he's angry that he wasn't able to be the one she let admire and cherish her. I just this man - he loves Anne so much and it's so so hot.
Propaganda for Captain Wentworth.
I've always loved Persuasion and so I was voting for him in his polls anyway, but I had never seen the 1995 adaptation. So because of this blog I decided to check it out.
Well. Now I'm obsessed. I came into this tournament fully expecting to vote Firth Darcy to victory. Ciaran Hinds suddenly showed up and sparta kicked him to curb. His every look, every gesture is laden with longing. He's so tender with Anne but then the barely restrained rage in his voice when he speaks to Lady Russell. He's rugged and manly yet tender and considerate.
I BURN, I PINE, I PERISH
If you're wondering why you should vote for Wentworth 95 in the @hotjaneaustenmenpoll, it's because he's got something hot for everyone.
Do you think it's hot when a man dresses up fancy? He looks very dapper in his uniform! Or do you find it more sexy when a man is more casual, a little mussed up, maybe even a little grimy? He does that perfectly too!
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Do you find men hot when they're being tender and restrained? Or do you find men hot when they're losing control a bit, maybe getting a bit passionate with anger or jealousy?
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Do you like a refined man of culture? Or a rugged outdoorsman?
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A warm smile? Or something more broody?
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Someone who's the life of the party, boisterous, laughing, charming? Or the strong silent type, serious, calm, mysterious?
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Hinds's Wentworth does all of these sexy things brilliantly! You cannot lose with him, he's got it all!
II ranked Wentworth as the #1 Austen man in terms of fuckability, and I stand behind that when it comes to Wentworth 95 versus Knightley 09.
Is Wentworth 95 angry sometimes? Yeah. But that's hot, at least coming from Ciaran Hinds' ruggedly handsome face. Have you heard of makeup sex? Tell me Wentworth 95 and Anne don't have the most scorching hot angry makeup sex imaginable 🥵
And yet Wentworth 95 is also super tender! The slow, gentle, worshipful way he kisses Anne at the end?? So beautiful and hot. The longing way he looks at Anne in silence. The way he is so solicitous of Anne's comfort to put her on the carriage with his sister! You can just tell he's gonna take the time to worship his wife in bed.
And let's not forget that he writes the most romantic letter ever written! The depth of passion in this man, my god! 🔥💕🔥
This is not a who is the better man contest, or who is the more faithful to the book, or who would you most want to marry. This is a hotness contest, and Wentworth 95 is so fucking hot.
Mr Darcy (1995):
Colin Firth (1995) is book Darcy brought to life. He uses tiny gestures and looks to communicate with us and Elizabeth… his struggle is so subtle but so palpable. A beautiful asshole with a creamy nougat center. Just perfect.
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Those heart-eyes right up above☝️? Hot!
Passive-agressively drinking tea? Hot!
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The way he rushes over to see Elizabeth at Pemberley on those delicious long legs of his with that slutty wet curl hanging over his forehead? Hot!
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Fencing? Hot!
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The way he is so concerned about Elizabeth crying and takes her hand even though he shouldn't? Hot!
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This dimple-y smile of pure joy because he knows he's married to Elizabeth freaking Bennet? Hot!
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Colin Firth Darcy is simultaneously immaculately put together and entirely falling apart internally. The wet shirt scene is so iconic not (only) because ‘oooh almost-shirtless sexy man’, but because it’s a metaphor for how he’s absolutely falling apart!!! This is a private moment, when he doesn’t think anyone can see him. And then he bumps. into. Lizzie. At his house!! And the entire sequence that follows with him rushing out still doing his jacket up to catch her before he leaves. They are both on the back foot and it’s THAT moment of confusion that opens a more honest dialogue between them.
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Without Firth in a lake you wouldn’t get Macfadyen in a downpour!
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There's a reason why Colin Firth is forever known as Mr. Darcy above all other roles he's had and will have! Even ignoring the wet white shirt, which has become A Thing now, he is so hot with his curly hair and his little half smiles and his intense looks of longing and his legs that go on for milessss.
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This cannot be real. My fellow Jane Austen people. Without Colin Firth’s Darcy we wouldn’t have 90% of modern JA content. He opened a door and there was no turning back for modern culture. There would be no MacFadyen standing half undressed in a field at dawn without Firth jumping into a lake first. There would be no hand flex if there hadn’t been Firth doing his best impression of a man undressing Elizabeth Bennet with his eyes and hating himself for liking it. There would be no Bridgerton without Bridget Jones. Let’s face it people. We wouldn’t be here having these arguments if Colin Firth had not been Mr Darcy.
Colin Firth understood Mr. Darcy in a way no other actor ever has. He is awkward as fuck in a way that comes across as snooty and judgmental on a first watch-through, then can be read as awkward and longing on a second time. His performance had such depth while looking extremely shallow at first glance. This man WAS Mr. Darcy. (I love 2005, as well, and I love Matthew McFayden, but he was awkward for awkward sake.) Colin Firth made Darcy's awkward look snooty and aloof.
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THE socially awkward Darcy is the 1995 Darcy - look at him coming and sitting in awkward silence with Elizabeth pointedly asking her if she wants to live a long way from her family (to obvious relief) and then abruptly leaving - vote for him please 😭😭😭😭
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Colin Firth served so much as Darcy that when they did Bridget Jone's diary, they brought him back.... AS DARCY. The smoulder. The angst. The man is the quintessential Darcy.
“Firthing” is an actual term that is used now to describe someone yearning intensely. It is named after Colin Firth’s Mr Darcy performance.
Colin Firth all the way. He's known in our household as Owl Eyes because in every frame he's mooning over Elizabeth Bennet. Unsurpassable, unmatched, golden television (and some of the worst dancing you've ever seen).
Colin has beautiful, touchable curls.
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My high school English teacher was very into using movies to teach alongside literature, which was a great teaching tool. When we read Pride and Prejudice, he used both 2005 and 1995 for various scenes. What stands out to me all these years later was when it got to the part when Lizzy went to help Georgiana after Caroline dropped Mr. Wickham's name and Darcy gives Lizzy this look:
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My teacher stopped the film and pointed at Darcy's face and said, "See that? That is THE look. If someone ever looks at you like that, you know they're in love." And what is hotter than that?
Also this teacher had two cats named Lizzy and Darcy. Not relevant to the poll but I wanted you all to know about them.
Colin Firth dazzles and amazes in the nuanced performance that just blows all other attempts away.
The best thing about the Colin Firth wet shirt scene is actually the scene that follows where him and Lizzie are both just dyinggg of embarrassment but Darcy pulls himself together refuses to lose his advantage and runs to get dressed and chase her down before she leaves - just the mix of cringe and hopefulness at seeing her again is so well done and so attractive!!! (this is just the bit where he's running after her but I love it all!)
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zwedexx · 3 months
Text
"No ets una càrrega"
Barca Femeni x Teen Reader
Summary: request
TW: none
WC: 899
A/N: None of it is proof read and im am really sick rn so there will probably be alot of mistakes. Also I took some creative liberties ig with the request. I'm sorry if you don't like it. I can always rewrite later on.
You are draped in the familiar stripes of your Barca jersey. It was everything you wanted, everything you work so hard for and you were blowing it. You kept missing passes or being a second too late on your runs. You could hear the collective sighs of the crowd after each mistake you made. 
It all came to a head when you execute what should’ve been a routine pass. The pass was short and was intercepted by an alert opposing player. In a sloppy attempt to halt the opposition, you kick the back of her legs, sending her tumbling. The ref immediately blowed her whistle and showed you yellow. 
“Are you fucking serious. That’s not a yellow! She fucking dove. You can’t be- ” You spat at the ref before being pulled back by a pair of strong arms. 
“Calmat! No val la pena.” Mapi’s words were strong but weren’t enough to bring you out of your rage.
(Calm down! It's not worth it)
“Let go of me Mapi. I’m not a fucking child. This ref is blind as shit and needs to fucking hear it.”
The ref without hesitation reach into her pocket. Alexia and Irene had run in at this point, pleading with the ref to reconsider. You knew you had fucked up when you say the second yellow then red. Not only had you harmed your team with your horrid performance but you’d just burdened them to finish a game a player down. 
After being escorted off the field, the weight of disappointment settled on your shoulders, and as the door closed behind you, a wave of frustration and tears overwhelmed you. You couldn’t believe how stupid and useless you were. Nothing seemed to make sense, you had trained so hard but it wasn’t enough. You weren’t good enough. You needed to be better.
You found yourself in gym, it was the only thing that made sense. If you trained harder, you’d be better. It was straightforward, clear cut. 
Unbeknownst to you, Alexia, Mapi, and Ingrid observe from a distance, concern etched on their faces. After the match they went looking for you, worried because you were no longer in the locker room. In a way you were lucky they were there. You had been sprinting on the treadmill as fast as you could. After a couple of minutes you felt dizzy, your legs were starting to give in but you kept going. And you kept going. 
‘Keep going, keep going.” You muttered to yourself
As the treadmill relentlessly propels you forward, your breaths become ragged, and your legs wobble beneath you. In a sudden, unexpected moment, your knees buckle, and the world tilts. Just as the gym floor rushes up to meet you, someones arms wrap around you, preventing a painful collision. 
Ingrid's firm grip supports your weight, preventing a full collapse, while Mapi and Alexia rush to your side. Concern etched on their faces deepens into genuine worry. Ingrid, with her characteristic calm, reassures you, “Relax elskling, I’ve got you.”
It must have been a few moments when you woke up again. You were no longer in the gym, you were lying on a couch with your head laying on Mapi’s lap. 
“Oh Pequena, you are okay.” Alexia says in her best English
You sat up. You didn’t know what to say. 
“Què està passant? Per què et vas empènyer així?” Alexia asks gently, reverting back to her native Catalan
(What's going on. Why did you push yourself like that.)
You avoided their eyes, unable to say respond, your words choked by shame and frustration. 
“You don’t have to carry this alone. We’re here for you, no matter what elskling.” Ingrid adds, while grabbing your hand.
With a shaky breath, you finally open up, your voice tinged with frustration and vulnerability. “I just.. I want this so badly. And tonight, I felt like ai was letting everyone down. I felt useless, and I thought if I train harder, push myself, I could make up for it and get better.”
“Entenc-“
(I understand-)
“But you don’t understand Alexia. You’re la Reina, you are the best and you deserve to be here. I don’t, im a liability out there. Every misplaced pass, every late run, it felt like I was letting the entire team down.”
“You deserve to be here too. Jonatan picked you for a reason.” Ingrid adds
“You don’t get it! No matter how hard I try, it’s never enough. I’m sick of feeling like a burden. Sick of failing when it matters.” 
“No ets una càrrega. Estem aquí perquè creiem en tu i en el que ets capaç.” Mapi chimes in while wrapping her arm around your shoulders, her touch grounding.
(You're not a burden. We're here because we believe in you and what you are capable of.)
“I just… I don’t know how to fix this.”
“No cal que arregleu això sol. Estem aquí per a tu.” Alexia calmly tells you.
(You don’t need to fix this alone. We are here for you.)
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fairy-hub · 10 months
Text
𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧’ 𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲
𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 • You decide to take things further with Toji for the first time.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 • non-curse au, daddy/princess/doll/sweetheart, heavy praise/teasing/encouragement, teaching/orruption/ virgin kink, mutual masturbation, you just soften him up a little babes he can't help it look at yourself, that being said he wants to rough you up virgin or no, age gap, collage student!f!insecure!early 20s-reader, mid-30!dilf!toji, hints of pussy eating, pussy sleeve toy, flavor lube, squirting, toji talking is filthy as always, massaging and fondling his cock and balls, he kisses your pussy once, light manhandling
𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 • 2k
𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐲: this has been in the drafts too long, I couldn't bring myself to delete it so I polished it up a tad bit and it is what it is
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Breaking the kiss, you attempt to steal your nerves whilst catching your breath. "I...Iwantyourcock." You can't bring yourself to grab him. What if you did it wrong? And turned him off by hurting him, or by being unattractive?
Several insecurities steaming from your inexperience and presumed inability to measure up to those of Toji's past. "You look unsure. What's wrong sweet cheeks?" He could read you too well after five months of dating.
Toji squeezes your hip, cupping your cheek. You lean into his warm, rough palm. "Nothing's wrong just nervous." He peers deep into your eyes, searching for the truth.
"We can stop anytime you like but we can't take back what's been done." His sweet, passionate kiss is too short for your liking. "Whatever it is lemme take care of it for ya."
The hope of reassurance from the man you adore and trust makes it so much easier to crumble. "I'm gonna do something wrong." All the insecurities you've been holding at bay overlapping. Tears sting and blur your eyes.
"I'm not pretty, surprised you're still with me, and I won't be as good as-" Toji's cuts you off with a brief rough kiss. You tug on Toji dark hair, sliding your hand down his hard pecs. You fiddle with a button on Toji's black button-up shirt.
Toji wraps an arm around you, carrying you toward his bedroom. You cling to Toji, pressing your squishy body to his muscular one. Enjoying the contrast, and how secure it makes you feel to be carried by Toji.
"That's my beautiful girlfriend you're talking about." Toji drops you onto his bed, stepping back. "Don't care who you are, there are repercussions for anyone disrespecting my girl." Your gaze dips lower with each button Toji undoes. Showing his beautiful sculpted abs you found are sensitive to being kissed and bitten.
You sit up. "What are you gonna do?" Bitting into your bottom lip when Toji grabs his zipper. A cocky smirk etching into his face when he opts for fondling himself through his jeans.
"Nothing but you're gonna be a good girl for me. 'n you're gonna tell me what turns ya on while touchin' yourself." You stand up, turning around and bending over when you slide your panties down your legs. Kicking them back towards Toji.
You stand, your flowy skirt hiding your soaking wet cunt. "Wanna be your baby mama daddy." Reaching back, unzipping your dress with trembling hands. Expecting Toji to scoff at you.
Your cunt gets wetter from Toji's deep groan. "If keep calling me daddy, ya might be." You hear the clink of Toji's belt coming undone. "Turn around n’ look at your Daddy." You take in a shaky breath, your tongue too heavy in your mouth to speak.
He has your underwear in his hand, licking your slick off. Groaning at the taste, "Your beautiful virgin pussy tastes so good." He gives you an idea.
You slip your straps off your shoulders. Sliding your dress down as he does his pants. He wonders, "Does it turn you on thinking about settling down with me? Wanna be my wifey that badly?" When you nod he coo, "Aw ya warmin' up my cold heart doll." Slipping your finger past your lips, coating them.
Holding your fingers to his lips, "Want me to taste more of your soaking cunt? Ask nicely." There is a dark wet spot, his light gray underwear giving a mouthwatering outline. Cupping Toji, fondling him through his underwear.
He grabs your wrist but loosens his grasp as you massage his cock. You can't get the words out "If want to have your cunt filled with my warm cum, have it fucked deep into your guts you'll have't speak to me." Slipping your hand into his underwear. His warm, soft yet hard in your hands. His cock head is wet with smeared pre-cum.
You're wondering how it's easier to act than to plead. "Please Daddy taste my pussy" your voice drops, "fill me full of cum." Dragging his tongue up one of your fingers.
He demands, "Louder princess." He arches a brow and with more volume, you plead,,
"Please Daddy I want you to taste my pussy and fill me full of cum." He takes your fingers into his mouth. Eagerly cleaning your fingers. You slip your hand down, massaging his balls. He slips your fingers out with a pop.
"Your hand is so soft on my cock n' balls. But-" He pulls your hand out of his underwear, pushing you down onto the bed. Spreading your legs roughly, giving you a thrill of excitement.
He looks like on he's on the verge of ravaging your soaking cunt with the hungry almost feral way he looks at your pussy. You fight the urge to cover yourself up underneath Toji's studious gaze.
His scarred lips spread into a wide, cocky, hungry smirk. "Whose virgin pussy is this?" He covers your cunt with his large palm.
It's getting easier to whine, lust clouding your mind. Edging out your anxiety. "Yours Daddy. All yours. Use my virgin pussy to make you feel good." You can't hold your head up when he rubs his palm into your clit and lips. Between having someone else touch your pussy for the first time and the toe-curling pleasurable friction you can't think.
"Baby I just touched you and already you look like you loosen your mind. Such a beautiful, sensitive little virgin cunt pretty n' wet for me mama." He moves his hand to kiss your puffy clit.
Whining when he pulls away. You lift your head watching Toji walk to his dresser, where he pulls out a bullet-shaped toy. It springs to life vibrating, gently humming in his hand.
"Have you used one of these?" His cocky smirk makes it hard to think of little else other than the curve of his lips. The angular shape of his jawline and his narrow, dark brown eyes.
Toji groans, fondling his cock through his underwear. "The way you look at me doll, are you hungry for daddy's cock?" Closing the gap between, grabbing your chin, tilting your head back.
"Answer me mama. I'm being patient for your first punishment but eventually that will run out." He lets go of your chin, holding the vibrating toy out to you. Hesitantly taking it from him.
You huff, "First punishment?!" Furrowing your eyebrows, protesting, "But I did nothing!" He tilts his head to the side, confusion momentarily taking over his features.
Toji drops his underwear, pushing it to the side. "Did my darling forget you talked shit about yourself earlier?" His veiny, thick-hanging cock has you barely paying attention to anything else but his words.
Could he fit? Much less could you wrap your hand around him?
You want to grab him, kiss him, and bite his thigh. "When you throw a tantrum because you're moody or if you disrespect yourself, you'll get punished. Those are my first two rules." Toji grabs your chin, lifting your head. Tearing your gaze from his thick muscular thighs, fat cock, and large balls.
He grabs his cock, lifting it to your lips. "Princess the way you're lookin' at me is boosting my ego. I've been aching to fuck the shyness outta ya." Opening your mouth, sticking your tongue out.
Tempting Toji into touching you more, he glides his cock past your glossy lips. "Fuck I can't help myself. Suck in your cheeks, keep your teeth away, relax your throat." Sticking your tongue out, hallowing your cheeks. Looking up at him with watery eyes, gagging when he goes too deep.
The thought of him using your mouth to get off clouding over your nervousness. The second he stops moving you bob your head. Eliciting a loud groan of, "That's it, good girl, makin' me feel so nggg." His groans are getting rough raspy undertones making your cunt wetter.
"I wonder what crude things you're gonna say when I fuck the shyness outta ya." Tighten your grip on the pulsing toy, dipping it between your legs. You quickly jerk it away.
Toji croons, "Is my princess cute little cunt too sensitive for the toy?" Shoving your head down, forcing his fat, veiny cock into your throat. "That's too damn bad, hold it there." Touching the toy to clit. Whimpering around Toji's cock, curling your toes into the plush carpet sticking out from beneath the bed.
"Don't care how many times you cum if I see you take the vibrator off your clit one more time I'm slapping both your cheeks ten times with my belt." Lightly touching your clit, tensing up, jerking your hips back. It's a struggle to keep it on your clit.
The painful pleasure is beyond anything you felt cumming because of your fingers. Toji croons, "More pressure than that, don't fight the pleasure you can handle it princess. Ngg Such a shame I have to punish ya, when all I want to eat your pussy till she sloppy n' sensitive." He slips his cock out and crouches in front of you.
"But that will have't wait till you understand how beautiful you are." He groans "Never seen a pussy so beautiful to get me drunk on sight." His praise emboldens you to spread your lips apart for him.
"So fuckin' gorgeous, good girl, you already know what daddy wants to see. Mm fuck she's so beautiful clenching, looks like she's throbbing just aching for me to fill her up." He drags two fingers along your lips, gathering slick.
"Too bad I can't eat ya out mama. Such a pretty little virgin pussy, I should want to be gentler with ya. But it's makin' me feral, wanna ruin her, do things you've only read about and seen in porn." He grabs your thighs.
"Wanna be mean and feel your unstretched virgin pussy squeezin' my cock." His filthy words getting you off. "I'm strong enough to make my fat cock fit no matter how tight your little virgin cunt is. It would hurt you so much till I fuck her loose. You would look so beautiful cryin'." Your trembling, your tight cunt dripping cum before his eyes.
The thought of mean, angry Toji fucking you like he hates you is exciting and intimidating.
"It's getting so hard to think straight just lookin' at your pretty cunt. I'm going to make her cum even harder with my dick." He doesn't stop there his thought driving back to his sadistic fantasies.
"The thought of you tryin' to run away from my cock is drivin' me crazy. Wanna pin you down and fuck you into submission. More so I want to make you feel good, I never want to do anything you aren't comfortable with." He stands up, heading for the same drawer, pulling out a clear sleeve, big enough to fit his cock.
You're aching to pull the toy away from your clit. The pleasure is too much. "Daddy!" Willing yourself to withstand the intensity of the toy. If you couldn't take this, then how would you handle your massive boyfriend's oversized cock.
He has the type of cock you only see in videos. It's the type of cock that ruins a pussy for any other cock. And he is going to be your first.
You plead with Toji, "I'll be a good girl for you! I can handle your big cock daddy." He pulls out a bottle, pouring a clear liquid into the sleeve.
"Can you princess?" He sticks to fingers into it, and you've never been so jealous of an object before. "Yes! Daddy I can handle anything you give me. Wanna please you." Your whiny needy voice barely sounds familiar.
He slips his fingers out. "You're such a good little princess so eager to please. You'll be such an easy service sub for me to train." Bringing it over for you to look inside.
He smiles. "Aren't I lucky to get the chance to be your daddy dom." He holds the toy out for you to see. Recognizing the pussy sleeve from videos of muscular men similar to Toji jerking their cocks off with them. The outside of it is a replicate of fat, thick lips, and a puffy clit.
"You have't till I cum to convince me you know how beautiful you are. I want you to watch me fuck it while thinkin' 'bout how deep I'm gonna be in your guts." He spreads the fake lips apart, holding it closer to your lips.
"Put some flavored lube in it, go ahead n' taste." It smells sweet and fruity. Sticking your tongue into it, your nose touches the faux clit.
Toji croons, "Good girl, how does it taste? Hopefully good, 'cause you'll be drinking it with my cum." He pulls it away to line up with his cock. He glides it down his cock, tilting his head back, closing his eyes, and groaning.
"I wanna touch you." You want to be the one to draw pleasure reactions from him. To make him feel so good that his eyes roll back and his body shakes from overstimulation.
Toji insists with a taunting smirk "Shoulda thought of that 'fore shit talking n doubting yourself." Rolling his hips, turning the side showing his thick veiny cock gliding into the toy. "Nng going to stretch your sensitive soaking cunt with my fingers after you drink my cum."The clearness of it lets you see how deep he is reaching.
He's going to reach inside you, stretch your pussy out, and leave his warm cum deep inside you. "You've been blue-balling me for so long if I don't jerk off first I'm going to bust the moment I slip your sexy little super soaker." Your thoughts, his words, the sight in front of you, and the sensitivity of your pussy as you cumming again so quickly.
Your cunt spasming, thick clear cum squirting from your cunt onto the floor, and his bed. "Are you going to cum from watching my beautiful cunt make a mess?" He drops to his knees.
His voice is rough as he orders "Keep talking about your beautiful pussy sexy mama or I'm stopping." He grabs the toy and throws it onto the bed, burying his face into your pussy.
strawberry brat all works
1K notes · View notes
yeoosaangg · 6 months
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Talking Body || Kinktober - Day 29
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pairing ▸ choi soobin × f!reader
now playing ▸ talking body - tove lo
⤷ ❝if you love me right, we fuck for life.❞
genre ▸ college au, established relationship, smut
warnings ▸ somnophilia, choking, unprotected sex
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Even though you've communicated with him before and gave your consent, Soobin was hesitant in touching you while you sleep.
He woke up before you for once, his hard cock pressed against your ass.
You were in deep sleep, not waking up even if he shook you.
He sighs in frustration, palming himself as he remembers how your mouth feels on his cock. He gives up, finding it painful to hold back.
Soobin hastily takes off his boxers, letting his tip smack against the curve of your ass. He pulls off your panties, rubbing his cock along your folds.
He could just cum from how good your ass feels on him.
He positions himself on top of you, legs pressed against your chest. He bites his bottom lip at seeing your sleeping face. So soft and innocent.
You may be asleep, but your cunt wasn't. The wet slick was glistening up at him, waiting for him to fuck you.
He whines when he slaps the tip of his cock against your clit, gliding along your folds. His fingers tingled when he grips onto your thighs harder.
Soobin: Such a good girl for me, even in your sleep.
He's panting in your ear, cock not even inside you yet. He honestly feels like you've gotten wetter now than when you're awake.
It's driving him insane.
Soobin aligns his cock to your hole and slowly pushes inside. He watches your face scrunch in your sleep at what probably feels like a familiar pressure.
That idea has his cock twitching halfway inside your dripping cunt.
He moans in relief when he bottoms out, slowly yet roughly stroking his dick inside your gummy walls. He can feel your thighs tightening at the feeling of pleasure his cock brings you.
His right hand comes up to wrap around your throat while the other settles right next to your head. He pins you down into a mating press, hips slamming against your ass.
You slowly wake up, not registering what was happening until his soft voice shushes you.
Soobin: Go back to sleep, baby. I'm just taking care of myself.
You hum, relaxing into the mattress. The sleep was truly kicking your ass since light snores filled the room almost instantly.
Soobin moans against your ear, not being able to control the spurts of cum from painting your walls. He pulls out to admire his cum leaking out of your pussy.
The delicious sight has him licking his lips before diving down to clean you up.
He fixes his boxers, going back to cuddling you.
A loud knocking sounds at his door.
Yeonjun: Next time you fuck your girlfriend, please warn a guy.
Shit.
Soobin forgot about his roommate.
Yeonjun: I'm off to class. You're making dinner tonight.
Soobin: Fine, just go.
He groans, pulling you close to his chest.
He can skip out on classes for one day.
---
a/n: i think i need new glasses cuz my vision was absolutely horrible while writing this. i'll just proofread everything after all the fics get published. thanks for reading ‹𝟹
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natailiatulls07 · 9 months
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Drive to survive
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Charles Leclerc & leclerc!driver!reader
Summary - Netflix's drive to survive interviews Y/n and Charles Leclerc about something that caused immense issues
Warning - Cheating, car crash, panic attack, fire, crying, swearing and self doubt
Reader drives for Ferrari
Purple is flashbacks
-
Y/n Leclerc, Ferrari
"Hello, I'm Y/n Leclerc. I'm 24 years old and I race for Ferrari alongside my twin brother, Charles Leclerc" I sat in the seat just in front of the camera, my anxiety throw the roof. My last season had ended on a bad note, with some personal troubles effecting my focus on track.
The producer settled herself down just to the side of the camera with a hand full of questions and topics that we would talk through for Netflix. "How are you feeling right now?"
Taking a deep breath in and out before answering. "yeah..I think I'm good. but yet I guess I'll have to be" A nervous chuckle left my lips which earned me a look of sympathy from the producer.
Looking down at her paper, she prepared herself to ask the first question. "So how do you feel after your ending last year?" Her voice calm and collected, as if she wanted me to feel that energy, this was what I was grateful for.
It took me a second of debating, debating my answer. "Um yeah, I mean it was a hard time obviously...I had some personal problems regarding my relationship and unfortunately that had its effect on my performance" A pause to think over my answer. "Of course I should not have um let that effect my performance, which I am greatly disappointed at myself for"
-
Walking into my appartment, I noticed the absence of Theo in the open plan kitchen lounge. I searched further into the appartment. Thats where I saw Theo in my bed with another girl.
Tears were welling up in my eyes, I had been dating him since I was just twenty but yet he decided to throw that away for some girl. "What the fuck?!" Shock, betrayal and heartbreak. Thats all I felt.
That night I kicked him and his sidechick out of my appartment, wanting to see nothing of them ever again. Luckily my three brothers were coming round that evening. So when they saw me, cheeks burned with tears, they knew something happened.
~
It was the last grand prix of the season, Abu Dhabi, I was sat in p4 just awaiting for the five red lights to flash away. My head was clogged with that day, the day I got heartbroken. "Radio check, radio check" My race engineers voice came through my headset.
"Loud and clear..." Voice low and weary as I replied.
"Y/n...you can do it, just forget and clear your mind" He knew of my heartache, heck everyone knew, wanting nothing more for me to end the season on a high note.
That race was my worst race to date. I didn't finish it. It was the Abu Dhabi race where I crashed, the Abu Dhabi race where I just sat by my burning car tangled up in a panic attack. I couldn't control my breathing or my mind.
Not my finest hour, in my opinion it was my very worse.
-
Looking down at my lap, I could see my leg persistantly bumping up and down. It was hard to talk about that time. "What was your first instinct to your crash?" The producer asked her next question.
Once again my mind was casted back to that night. "Well um I remember that after I got out of my car, I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't control my breathing. I was having a panic attack and I just couldn't calm myself down"
-
It was loud. I could hear the safety team trying to calm down the fire. I could hear fans watching on from the sidelines. I could hear my race engineer trying to calm me down through my headset. I felt like I was moving away from the real world every second.
My mind couldn't focus on one thing. I felt the warmth of the fire on my body. I felt the hands of a safety team member trying to bring me back down to earth.
~
When Charles heard the red flag through his radio, his mind went straight to Y/n. Where was Y/n? Is Y/n okay? Growing up Charles grew more and more protective of his twin.
So when he saw her car and herself not in attendance of the Ferrari, he became even the more distressed. But when he saw the crash on the large television screen, he set off run towards it much to the team dismay.
Charles ran until he reached the burn car. He saw her sat there curled up in her arms.
"Bébé bébé peux-tu m'entendre? Je suis là, souffle souffle écoute mon coeur" He pulled her into himself, moving her head to rest just above his heart. Wanting her to hear his heartbeat and copy it.
Charles knew of her panic attacks, he watched them grow worse and worse as they grew up. But he always knew how to help her, calm her down and breath.
-
Charles Leclerc, Ferrari
"How did you feel when you saw your teammate and sister crash and then have a panic attack?" The producer asked the 25 year old Ferrari driver.
His eyes downcasted, that night was his nightmare. "I remember feeling um this sense of terror fill me when I saw her crash. Aside from being my teammate at Ferrari, Y/n is my twinsister. She's has always had her panic attacks but that night..." Charles felt his eye water up even at the thought.
"That night was the worst panic attack she has ever had, I don't think I'll recover from that night" Standing up from his chair, Charles walked away from the camera. Tears flooding down his cheeks.
-
Y/n Leclerc, Ferrari
"It was only when Charles came that I started to come back down to earth. It's always when he comes that I come back." It was always Charles who helped me through my panic attacks.
Charles. He has been my rock ever since forever. He had been my rock when times got rough and tough. Before each race checking on me and everyday checking on me. He knew how hard I was taking my breakup and just wanted to help me through that.
Once again, I took in another deep breath, trying to distance myself from that night. "So 2023, how are you feeling about returning to Ferrari with Charles by your side?" The producer continued.
A small smile made its way to my face. "Yeah um I'm excited of course. I love racing, I love getting behind that wheel and fighting for a place on the podium, fighting for first place" Nodding my head, with approval of my comment.
"Well thank you so much for talking with us today, I know it's hard to talk about something like that" The camera were cut off, we both stood up from our seats.
Walking out of the studio, I felt a sense of relief and solace fall on my shoulders. This replacing the deep sorrow and disappointment.
-
I heard my appartment door open and close. Walking into the kitchen lounge, Charles had a proud smile on his face. "Whats got you smile like that?" I laughed at my confusion, Charles joining in with my amused laughter.
"Lucy, your manager, just called me and she told me about your interview with Netflix today...I'm so proud of you baby sis" His tears cloud his waterline whilst tears of my own clouded my own.
Finally, I had gotten over my anxiety and my regret. I could breath again.
-
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brewed-pangolin · 2 months
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Just thinking about being in a cute little tent with Soap and it suddenly starts raining really fuckin' hard (hah- get it? I'll see myself out.) And it's great till the thunder and lightning kicks up then I'd be clinging to him with fear in my eyes.
We can simply chat about this or you can do a half drabble with it if it strikes your fancy. I'm happy either way.
It was the sudden crash of thunder above that had you gripping tensely into Soap's sweater. Entangled under the sleeping bag, head buried into his chest as the rolling rumble echoed in the distance, steadily muffled by the heavy downpour hitting the fabric of the tent.
"Y'alright, hen? Jus' a bit a thunder." He asked, lips caressing the top of your head as he wrapped your trembling frame into his comforting arms.
"Yeah. Just a little scare-"
You were cut off by a blinding light that streaked across the top of the enclosure. A skriek escaping your chest as an earslpitting crack erupted from the strobing black sky, tendrils of light snacking along the menacing overhead while you clung to your Scottish beau with childlike terror coursing through your veins.
Soap couldn't help but grin as your fingers locked into an all-out death grip into his overgrown sweater. A muffled hum emanating from his throat in an attempt to calm your nerves while caressing your back with gentle circular movements of his hands.
"I got ya, lass. Ain't nothin' gonnae get ya while I'm 'ere. Not even tha' pesky lightin'".
His voice always seemed to soothe you in the most strenuous of circumstances. And this was no different. Nudging yourself further into him to mold your form into his hulking frame.
Another bolt lit up the tent once more, accompanied by a resounding sound of thunder that seemed partially more distant and not so deafening.
"Ya hear tha'? Storm's movin' out."
Your reply was to simply pull your face from within his chest. Peering up to the eyes that never failed to bring you a semblance of safety and comfort as your fingers loosened their grip on the fabric of his jumper.
A gentle smile then crept into your lips. The constant deluge slowly shifted and gave way to more gentle showers as the sound of thunder echoed over the towering trees above your encampment.
"Can we stay like this a while, Johnny? Just, y'know. Holding each other?"
"Bon, if I could, I'd keep ya forever like this. Cannae let ya out me arms even if I tried."
You spent the remainder of the evening wrapped in each other's embrace as the sounds of rain and distant rumbling danced across the nylon fabric of the tent. Strengthening the intimate bonds of devotion while losing yourselves to the quiet symphony of nature that played just beyond the veil of your seclusion.
4Runner Wingman Masterlist
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luveline · 8 months
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hi!!! i really love your writing, i was thinking maybe i could request something for the steve zombie! au? maybe the reader and steve get separated (maybe the reader and eddie go outside of camp and don’t come back for a couple of days, so steve thinks something went wrong and maybe someone got to them) but after days they reunite and it all protective steve fluff? idk if you don’t like it it’s fine just ignore me hehe 🫶🏼
sorry this wasn't very angsty but there is fluff! ty for requesting ♡ steve zombie au. fem!reader, 1.4k
You and Eddie lie with an amicable space between you, though you've agreed to share a huge sleeping bag to conserve a modicum of heat. His hair touches your shoulder whenever he moves. 
"Why are you looking at me?" you ask. 
"Are you okay?" he asks quietly. 
"No. I… yeah, I'm okay." 
Eddie never tries anything, doesn't touch you beyond friendly pats on the shoulder or knuckle touches after a job well done. He's never given you any reason to worry, but Steve said he's a guy. He didn't think Eddie was gonna hurt you, but there was a possibility he'd flirt. All I'm saying is that it didn't take long for me to fall in love with you, Steve'd said, his hands in your waistband, tucking in your shirt. 
You laughed. Steve, you didn't like me. 
Well, not out loud. And I was dumb enough to miss how lucky I was for a while. Eddie's not that stupid. He's not gonna try nothing, but… You know, don't fall in love with him. Please.
You'd wrapped your arms around his neck and shoulders and had him take your weight, impressed and in love at the subtle strength he used to keep you both standing. Don't worry. I won't. I never would. 
Not with Steve in this world. Even then, if Steve somehow met his demise, you're pretty sure you'd be done with love. 
"Worrying about loverboy?" Eddie asks. 
You're definitely worrying about loverboy. "I told him I'd be back in the morning. It's been a whole extra day. He gets– gets so worried. Honestly, it won't surprise me if he turns up looking for us."
"You've been apart?" 
"Two or three times." You wince, thinking about Steve the last time you'd been separated. How he'd put his hands under your arms and hugged you, even though you couldn't open your eyes. The time before, how he'd cried into your stomach, hands grasping blindly at your back. "I think he worries about me 'cos I'm kind of useless." 
"That's not true. Robin told me all about your psycho takeover." 
"She did?" you ask, covering your face with your hand.
"I wanted to know why she calls you killer." 
"That's pretty much the only time I've defended myself. He always does the hard work."
"If you're really that useless, why'd you come?" He turns on his side away from you. "You're fine. You've learned to fight just like the rest of us. Steve knows you can take care of yourself. He's probably sleeping like a baby waiting for you to bring him back his new jacket." 
You dig for the necklace Steve gave you so long ago under your shirt. You'd thought you lost it, having taken it off before bed the night you escaped the College, but he had it. He gave it back. The little diamond is hard between your fingers. You press it to your lips, wondering if he's really as okay as Eddie claims.
Steve lies on his back in the clearing, wishing he was dead. The anxiety is genuinely so bad he's agonised and prone. 
Robin laughed at him for worrying when you didn't show up in the morning as you planned to, but by nightfall she was equally worried. A day later, she sits cross legged by his head, her hand on his arm. She's feigning reading, her bottom lip nibbled raw. 
"You want some chapstick?" he asks. 
"Nah. Stings." 
He sits up feeling like someone's kicked him all over. "The brain is a stupid organ. I'm worried about Y/N, so sure, I get to feel like a jet engine fell on me."
"She's fine." He and Robin have been playing a game where one of them mentions you and the other immediately reassures that you're alive. He quite likes it. It makes it easier to breathe. "You need to chill out, that's all. Eddie had that fucking shotgun. They're not in any danger." 
"What if she fell and broke her leg or something? He's carrying her across the country like a backpack. That should be me." 
"What if he fell and broke his leg? You wanna go give Eddie a lift?" Robin asks, grinning. 
Steve thinks the worst part is that he misses you. He's so worried about you he could throw up (he almost did at breakfast, every mouthful cement thick), but he just hates turning to talk to you and finding empty space. He misses the way you smile, your tentative hand holding, even the way you look at him. He remembers the first time he realised you liked him, how your gaze had slowly gone from annoyed to admiring, how your eyes would catch on his arms or the corner of his mouth. 
He remembers wiping sleep from your eyes, how hot your cheek felt under hand, and the pit it opened in his stomach. It's a strange thing to notice someone's fallen in love with you by themselves. He had catching up to do. It's probably why he feels like he's on death's door whenever you're not around.
"I don't wanna give Munson anything. S'already stealing my girl, smarmy bastard. They ran away to be together."
Robin gasps. He thinks, Well, I was kidding, then, Holy shit they've actually run away together.
"Stevie!" your voice echoes. "Hey! I've been looking all over for you, why are you guys out here?" 
Steve's neck clicks like a Jacob ladder as his head whips up. The fear and anxiety drains from his body, a rapid exsanguination. You look tired but blissfully alive as you jog across the grass clearing, your backpack weighed down and your empty canteens rattling against your thigh. 
Steve trips over grass whorls to get to you. Your little laugh before he grabs you drives him crazy. 
"Where the fuck have you been?" he asks. 
"Got lost. Sorry. Love you," you say, rubbing your cheek against his, your hands bunching up his shirt. You smell like dirt, grass, and tent plastic. It's frankly the best smell in the whole world. He sniffs at you greedily.
"I thought you died," he says. 
"Yeah, I did. Eddie gave me sloppy CPR–" You screech as Steve sweeps your leg from under you and giggle as he holds you up, begging for forgiveness as he threatens to drop you. "Sorry, it was just so easy! You set it up for me!" 
You laugh as he drags a kiss along your jaw, his stubble scramming your softer skin. 
"I love you," he says, "even if you're seeing other boys."
"Never." You close your eyes and wait for a kiss. Steve's more happy that you expect one than he is to give one, which is saying a lot —he wants to kiss you bad enough to feel the phantom of it before he's closed the gap between you. 
He gives you way too many kisses. 
You push your head down into the crook of his neck and hold him tight. "Sorry I didn't come back when I said I would. Didn't scare you too much, did I? 
He was scared shitless. "No, it's alright. It's okay."
He takes your face into his hands and checks you're all in one piece. Same smile. Same dazzled squint when he kisses you. 
You leave his arms too soon for his liking. Robin waits patiently for her own hug, less so when you shed your backpack. She hugs you as it falls to the floor. 
"Miss me?" you ask into her hair. 
"Thought I'd be stuck with mopey Steve forever." Her insult doesn't land, her voice heavy with relief. "You know coming back in the morning doesn't mean any morning, right? Just checking." 
"Sorry, Robin. I missed you." 
"Eddie bad company?" 
"He's nice, he's just not you guys." 
Steve puts a hand on your back, fingers hooked in your belt loop. "Where is he?"
"Playing Peter Pan in the mess tent. I got you guys the best winter jackets ever. Though me and you are sort of matching, Steve." You look at him over your shoulder sheepishly. "Sorry." 
"The horror," he murmurs. 
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goldsbitch · 2 months
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Just don't talk------
-and let's go to sleep.
p8 to Just don't talk
summary: Enemies to lovers on steroids. Excuse me, feelings coming through. They just got lost.
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Cuddles were a new thing for Y/N and Lando. But, unlike talking, they were really good at it.
After the race and their little moments in the driver's room, the pair parted ways, Lando went off to debrief with her team and Y/N excused herself from her meeting. She went of get a short walk to clear her head out.
Later, at an hour when it was almost ungodly to text someone, Lando asked her if she wanted to come over. Saying that he would like to spend a moment with her. This was the first time they'd spend some time together at his place and not at hers, albeit it was mostly rooms at the same hotels. After their last conversation, all the previous rules seemed to go out of the window. Unmarked territory. Civil communication. Who would have thought. She really tried not to be excited by that text. But her own tired mind was having a hard time following that order. Should she bring some things for her to stay over? Or was she suppose to go and get a coffee to battle her own tiredness in order to stay awake for him? Was it sex that he was after? Or something else. She craved his touch, but in a different way than usual. It was the soft caressing of his hands, subtle touches on the face and a light kiss on the forehad that she was after. It was a dangerous game. Seeing him so vulnerable opened door to strange feelings she buried down whenever she thought of him. At least until that evening.
It was hard for him to identify why he texted her. The last thing on him mind right now was sex or anything like that. He longed for the feeling he had when they hugged. Lando was a touchy person, words did not do the same for him as they would for most. Confusing, big and easy to get wrong. What the hell, he thought as he sent the text. Nothing bad could come out of it. There was a tingling in his fingertips he hadn't felt for months. And a strange level of excitement when he saw her text, asking for his hotel room.
This time, it was her standing in front the door, she would usually stay on the other side, waiting. This time, she had the power to knock only once she felt fit. She could not contain the little smile creeping onto her. It felt like shuffling the cards, playing a different game than usually.
He opened nearly immediately after she knocked, letting her in quickly in order to avoid any unnecessary witnesses. The room was dimly lit by a lamp on a nightstand and the smell of his cologne mixed with sweat hit her immediately. She was attracted by it like bees would be by a marmelade. He quickly kicked his shoes behind the door and as if he out of nowhere realized that she was coming, put few things like his bag out of the way, somehow feeling embaressed for having a messy room. Hers always seemed to be clean when he came around. Y/N knew that it wasn't the usual state and chuckled a bit when she saw him trying to tidy up quickly.
"Em, sorry, I'm just a bit out of myself," he mumbled sleepily. God, he was beyond cute, she thought. Trouble, trouble. She never saw him sleepy. Always just in and out - literally. She was walking into a trap of some sorts and knew it with every step she happily took.
"All good, no need to pretend, just be you," she said, without thinking too much into it. He looked at her, surprised. When she saw his look, she second guessed her own sentence. Was it too much? "You're already the worst person in my mind anyway, you can hardly go lower," she said to ease the mood. This is how they'd talk a week ago. But the words left a bitter taste on her tongue, not being exactly what she wanted to say.
"That's more like it," he said confidently.
This was wrong, Y/N thought. She will get hurt so badly. And yet, she still took the steps forward to his bed.
Cuddles were a new thing for Y/N and Lando. But when he embraced her, he couldn't stop himself from letting a loud sigh and a low "Fuck." It felt like they'd done this thousand times before. All so strangely familiar, unique and just right. There wasn't anything extra or standing out, they blended into each other as if they were always meant to do so.
She adjusted her breathing in order for them to synchronize - a perfect metaphor for what was happening there.
"So how was the debrief?" she asked, trying to avoid any subject connected to the two of them, worrying it might break the fragile unspoken bond.
"It was shit, as expected. A whole lot of "Not your fault, Lando, we'll be better next weekend" and bla bla bla.
"Yeah, that's fucked up," she responded.
"Like, do you think Max gets these kind of briefings? No, because unlike me, he does not fuck up."
She knew what he was talking about. The feeling of sharing a grid with someone perfect, someone who makes every one of your failures stand out.
"It's a cruel joke to be on the grid at the same time as Max. He is just built different. And that's hard to take in," she elaborated.
"Yeah, whatever. I know I can make it." Male ego was a serious topic in F1.
"One day we'll both be fighting for the podium and we'll see," she fantazised, trying to ease the tension.
"You're really brave, driving in F1, by the way. It really is stuck in the 1950's sometimes," he said something he wanted to express a long time ago.
It warmed her heart in a way like nothing he ever said before had. "Thank you for saying this."
He gently touched her on the upper arm when she shivered uncontrollably. "You good?" he asked, stopping immediately.
"Yeah, sorry. I'm just really ticklish there."
Lando was surprised to find something new about her body. He thought he had it all figured out by now. "Really?"
"Yeah. It's also really weird feeling over there. I can't really describe it, but please avoid that place if you could."
"Noted, sweetie," he said and she melted even more. He had no idea.
Silence fell for few moments, Lando's eyes started slowly closing and sleep called for him.
"Why did you invite me to your room? You usually come over instead," she asked something that was on her mind this whole time. She took a leap of bravery, knowing that at every moment it could all blow up in her face.
"I dunno. Just felt like I wanted to do this differently tonight, you know?" he was struggling to put a right name on the feeling. "Would you like to stay over until the morning? I'm really enjoying the company of you body," he said sleepily and hugged her even tighter. His words burned her like a hot iron would. She did not understand, yet, that in Lando's vocabulary, that was the highest form of intimacy and compliment he could give. Her physical presence was making him calm, relaxed and he rarely felt so like himself these days. The way how she understood it, was that he only wanted her for her body, not the soul trapped inside. It is a different kind of lonely to feel when one is so close to someone else.
"Sure, I'll stay the night," she said, feeling like she surrendered everything she had for at least a taste of what could have been real.
He drifted to sleep quickly after that, while she stayed awake, unable to fall asleep, mind racing back and forth. He dreamed sleeping, she dreamed awake.
//
She wasn't there when he woke up, making him question whether her staying over actually happened. Was the feeling causing him headache disappointment? Then again, she might have saved them from a really awkward morning. Yesterday was a one time thing, nothing to set precedent over.
Awkward morning was exactly what she was trying to avoid. Maybe not awkward per say, but confused, mismatched and out of tune.
A crush. That's what she had. Of course she would. Thinking that one could just casually hook up with someone like Lando and not develop feelings was a foolish thing to assume, she thought to herself, cursing in the elevator and hitting the buttons with a little too much force than needed. Not much sleep was gathered that night for her. She kept tracing the lines of his chest, breathing his scent in and letting her imagination run wild. It was such a nice daydream to get lost in. Him being in love with her. The two of them, facing this strange world they shared, together. She felt understood, yet also the loneliest she'd ever felt in her life before. Mindlessly completing the simple tasks she had at hand, still loosing herself in the idea that the next night she was going to be spent again in his arms. She imagined the morning light hitting him and receiving a cheeky morning kiss while they shared a coffee cup before hitting up the gym. Together, as a couple. And their sessions interrupted by unhealthy amount of flirting and ending up in a whole different kind of cardio session.
She wondered when had her hatred made an u-turn.
There was a lot of silence in her day so far. Yet the one thing she wanted to do was talk. Suger-coat Lando to the moon and back, accidentally convince someone to convincing her into pursuing this further. It was like floating due to butterflies and being dragged down by a huge rock at the same time.
She sat at the lounge for charter flights, watching the big planes leave one by one. Her flight partner, Lewis, noticed how weirdly she was acting today and decided to find out why.
"Y/N?"
She twitched, surprised someone actually said her name. "Yes?"
"What's up? You seem...Not sure, if that's ok to say, but you look a little off," he said in his typically polite tone.
She debated whether to spill her beans about a stupid crush to a multi-year world champion. They were friends, in a mentor-student sort of vibe. But not even remotely close for that. But fuck it, it was either this or calling her mom, which she feared more quite frankly.
With a big sign, she started to confide in. "There's this guy..."
Lewis laughed a bit. "Ah, how human. I was afraid it's something racing related."
"I wish. Then I could talk about it more openly."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I guess so. Nobody really knows."
He careful thought out his question before continuing. "Is it someone from the paddock?"
She nodded. "Worse."
His eyes grew wide. "A driver??"
She nodded once again. "Yep."
It was Lewis now, who was distracting himself with the airplanes.
"We sacrifice a lot, us drivers, in order to make our dreams possible. I had my own love affair around the paddock, one of the female engineers," he started to reminisce, smiling. "But had to end it. The life-style was just too different back then. It was a distraction."
"Do you ever regret that?"
"Sometimes...mostly when I see her children. Could have been us, you know? But in the end, no I don't. You see, you and me, we have something in common."
"I know. The resposibility."
"Exactly. You're paving the way for future female drivers. You have twice as harder then the other drivers."
"I am getting really tired of that, you know? Why do I need to act with a responsibility of a whole gender?"
"Ultimately, you don't. But in a way, it's about what kind of a story you want people telling about you in the years to come."
She couldn't give two fucks about what people thought. Not anymore. She exhausted herself so much with these thoughts in the past.
"It's my life. I can't give it away to become a slave of the option of random people."
"That is a wise point of view. I mean, maybe it's true, look at the Wolffs. Slaying, as your generation would put it today."
She laughed. "Yes...slaying."
"But it took a lot of work from both parts. I remember that. I guess the question to ask is - are you both ready for that kind of a work?"
part 9
_________________________________________
@scopeiguess @leclercsluv @sulliamour @starmanv @riverxsq @eviethetheatrefreak
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rxmqnova · 6 months
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Hi, I have a request, can you write some funny drunk Nat/Wanda? You know, when Yn went to her and she said like she has a girlfriend or saying a few funny things.
I always craved these kind of fics hahaha
Drunk
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Y/N: 25 years old ——————————————————
Y/N'S POV I sigh after dialing my girlfriend's number for what feels like the millionth time. Tony threw another party in the Stark tower and my girlfriend went there. I couldn't go with her as I only just returned home an hour ago from a mission.
She agreed to be home by 10 though, so we could make a cozy movie night, but it's nearly half past 10 and I'm getting worried.
"Alright" I breath out, taking a hoodie. I hope she's okay and just forgot about time.
Even though I'm completely exhausted, I drive as fast as I can and as I expected the tower is still full of random people dressed in fancy suits and dresses. I guess my sweatpants and hoodie don't really fit the dress code, but I couldn't care less right now.
"Y/N, what are you doing here?" Natasha asks me as soon as I reach the bar behind which she's standing. I'm not sure how and why, but she somehow always ends up behind the bar and makes some drinks. "You want a drink?"
"Oh. No. I just came to pick up Wanda. Have you seen her?" I ask, nervously tapping the bar with my fingers and looking around.
"I think she's with the boys there, Pietro made her try some of that Thor's asgardian alcohol" Natasha says, pointing at a small group of people in the far.
"Oh god" I sigh, mentally preparing myself for an encounter with my drunk girlfriend. "Thanks, Nat. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a great night" I shoot her a quick smile and take a deep breath to calm myself down as I'm really mad at Pietro right now.
I asked him to look after her here when I couldn't and not to get her drunk. Also I'm really tired and this will make things a lot harder. I'm so gonna kill him when I see him…
I walk over to the small group of people, greeting the boys with a quick 'hi' before spotting Wanda sitting on the couch, looking completely wasted.
Pietro's so lucky that he's not here right now. But he won't get away like that, I'll just yell at him tomorrow.
"Hi there" I kneel in front of my girlfriend, giving her a warm smile.
"I'm taken" She says without hesitation which honestly makes me chuckle. I'm glad she knows we're dating even in this state, but the way she didn't hesitate for a second made me actually chuckle.
"I know you are. Your girlfriend asked me to bring you home to her. Come on, Wands" I tell her, taking her hand and trying to lift her.
"Don't touch me. I'm gonna tell my girlfriend and she's gonna kick your ass. She can fight, you know" Wanda says, giving me a glare.
"This will be hard" I sigh. "Wanda, honey, it's me… Y/N. I came for you. Let's go home, okay?" I smile at her, but she's clearly not listening as she's just staring at my hoodie which is actually hers.
"Did you steal my hoodie? Are you a stalker? Y/N is gonna kill you" Wanda says, giving me another glare.
I sigh and walk over to Clint as he's closest to me.
"Do you know where Pietro is? I need to kill him" I tell him, anger building up inside of me. I just want to lay down to bed and sleep.
"I think he left with some girl. What did he do?" Clint asks me, clearly amused.
"I asked him to look after Wanda here and what does he do? He makes her drink that Thor's asgardian beer or whatever that is and now Wanda's drunk and thinks I'm some stalker who's hitting on her" I sigh, pressing a palm to my forehead and trying hard not to cry in front of everyone.
"Okay, come on. I'll help you get her to the car" He smiles at me.
"Thank you" I give him a smile back and walk back to my drunk girlfriend. "Wanda, sweetheart, it's time to go home" I tell her softly, kneeling in front of her again.
"Y/N/N, is that you? Thank god, there was some really annoying stalker lady" Wanda sighs. "I missed you so much" She says, tears filling her eyes.
"I missed you too, baby. Let's go home now, hm?" I smile, happy that she recognized me.
Clint helps me to lift her up, he puts one of Wanda's arm around his shoulder's while I put the other around mine's.
"Wait!… Y/N, you need to find that bitch and kick her ass" Wanda states, stopping to walk completely.
"I promise I'll find her tomorrow, let's get you to bed now, okay?" I tell her, trying to be as nice as possible.
"But she had my favorite hoodie on. The one you always steal. I want it back" Wanda sobs, wrapping both of her arms around me and crying into my neck.
"Wanda, I promise you'll have your hoodie back tomorrow, just please come home with me" I sigh, rubbing her back. Clint just gives me a look full of sympathy which is not helping it at all, but nice of him for trying to make me feel better.
"Promise?" She asks, wiping her tears away.
"I promise, my love" I give her a smile and press a kiss to her forehead. "Let's go, you must be so tired"
Clint and I finally get Wanda to my car, so I thank him for help and buckle my girlfriend in.
"You got it back?" She gasps. "You're the best girlfriend!… I hope you kicked that bitch's ass" Wanda mumbles the last part, making me chuckle.
"You bet I did. No one will stalk and flirt with my girlfriend" I tell her which seems to satisfy her, so I sit behind the wheel and start driving us home… finally.
I pull over in the garage and open the door for my half-sleeping girlfriend, helping her out of the car.
"You're so nice to me, do you have a girlfriend?" Wanda asks me on which I furrow my brows as I thought she recognized me.
"I do" I answer, cusious where this will bring us.
"I have a girlfriend too! Y/N is on a mission now though. But maybe we could go on a double date someday!" Wanda says happily.
"That's a great idea" I tell her with a chuckle.
"Awesome! I'll ask Y/N when she comes back… you kinda look like her! That's scary!" Wanda gasps, studying my face while I'm trying to get her to our room.
"We're here" I announce, a sigh of relief leaving my lips as I sit my girlfriend on our bed.
"Thank you!" Wanda smiles, attempting to take off her shoes. "You can go home now. I don't think Y/N would appreciate if you watched me change, even though you look like her. And she should be home soon, because we're having a movie night" She looks at me seriously.
"Okay, I'll go home. Goodnight" I give her a smile and walk out of the room.
I wait about 2 minutes outside before walking back in. Hopefully she'll know it's me otherwise I might as well end up sleeping on the couch.
"Wanda, baby, I'm home" I announce, finding my girlfriend in the same position as I left her 2 minutes ago, her shoes still on and her cheeks wet. "Oh no, why those tears, baby?" I ask her softly, kneeling in front of her.
"Y/N/N, I can't take off my shoes" She sobs.
"Luckily for you, I'm here to help" I smile and wipe her tears away before taking off her shoes. "Let's get you ready for bed now, hm? Would you like one of my hoodies?" I ask softly, getting a nod in response.
Wanda loves sleeping in my hoodies just like I love sleeping in hers. We steal each others clothes on daily basis which I absolutely love, cause nothing is more comfortable than Wanda's hoodies.
I help her to change into some sweatpants and my hoodie which is not easy at all as she's already half asleep and isn't really helping me.
"Okay, you can sleep now, baby" I smile, helping her to properly lay down on the bed. I sigh in relief and lay down next to her, immediately having her cuddled up to me.
"I love you" She mumbles before drifting off to sleep, making me smile and kiss her forehead.
"I love you too" I whisper back. "But I'm not letting Pietro to look after you ever again"
After this I know a few things for sure… Wanda is the most loyal girlfriend ever and I'm really glad for that.
Another thing is that I will never ever let Pietro to look after his sister when I'm not here. We'll sure talk about it tomorrow and it won't really be a nice talk for him
----------------------
Chose Wanda, cause I felt like she is more likely to get drunk than Nat
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!! <;33
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zeewritez · 3 months
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The Sailor and The Samurai - I
Mizu x Femme Shipmate/Pirate Reader
Hi my lovelies! I haven't updated in so long and I'm sorry but college has been kicking my ass. (Why tf am I studying biochemistry - because I hate myself). Anyways, I hope to update my other stories soon (I've had chapters for months now, they just need to be edited lol). So for now, here's a little BES fic because I'm in love with this show :)
(Notes: Reader's father is Irish in the fic but she will not be described physically except for having super long curly hair because I like projecting my hair goals onto stories, also I will be using he/him pronouns for Mizu since they are currently being perceived as a man.)
Part 2 now out
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Y/n woke up with a splitting headache from the rum she had the previous night. She made a note to self to not attempt to out drink her father, even if he was pushing 60. Rolling out of her cot, she slipped on a blouse and trousers she had acquired from a crew mate at some point. They barely fit, but it was far better than the dresses and corsets she wore whenever they docked back home.
She walked onto the deck just in time to watch over the vast ocean as they approached the isolated island of Japan. She'd been there many times in her career but had only ever been to the ports to assist with loading goods when the crew needed it. Today, there was no need. Instead, she watched with mild curiosity from the crow's nest as crates were loaded onto The Banshee.
The cargo seemed standard: silks, swords, exotic fish. The things nobles in England dreweld over. Yet the passengers were anything but standard. Y/n could barely believe her eyes when the infamous Abijah Fowler was brought on board with guards on each side of him. He was brought to the detention cell, which would have otherwise been used when her father was tired of a crewmate's drunken antics.
Y/n was so taken aback by Fowler's presence she nearly missed the passenger behind him: a young man, a few years older than y/n herself, clad in Japanese garb and yellow glasses. It seemed odd to her, as it was rather overcast outside but she didn't give it a second thought. What she was truly curious about was why Abijah Fowler was on their vessel.
As the ship took sail, she climbed down from the nest and made her way to the detention cell with a curious, if not mischievous, grin.
"I never thought you'd be joining us for London," she teased as she stood outside of his cel, as though dangling her freedom like a carrot. She did not like Fowler one bit, but she found him almost as amusing as she found him vile. Entertainment was hard to come by at sea, so who could really blame her?
"Well I for one am always happy to see you," he said, grabbing her hand through the bars and kissing her knuckles. She rolled her eyes as she pulled her hand back from him.
"What brings you back to the isle?" she asked. "My father doesn't even enjoy England, and he's still in good standing, legally speaking."
"Perhaps he's a better Irishman then me," Fowler said with a shrug. "What does it matter to you?"
The girl looked up in faux innocence. "Oh, I'm just curious."
"Well, why don't you hunt down the samurai that's on board and he can let you know why I'm going back to London," Fowler finally told her. "You've picked up quite a bit of Japanese, haven't ya?"
"Alright, I'll see you around then," she said as she turned to leave.
"You have your mother's rear!" He shouted out, as though y/n had forgotten why she had disliked the man so much. She said a silent prayer thanking the heavens he wasn't roaming freely as she roamed the ship looking for the mysterious man with glasses, which was simple enough.
He stood on the poop deck, staring out onto the ocean, as anyone who has ever treaded water has. The waters had a way of commanding one's attention.
"Hello good sir," the young woman greeted she climbed the stairs, stopping to curtsey out of habit. She'd managed to have some resemblance of good manners despite being raised at sea by a captain with a drinking habit.
The young man stared at her, which was a common response from many men upon seeing her for the first time, regardless of national origin. In fact, Englishmen seemed most taken aback by her appearance. Her hair was long and unkempt, falling down her back in ringlets instead of being pinned into an updo of a proper lady. Her shirt nearly fell from her shoulders and around her neck was a long, beaded necklace that seemed to trail down between her breasts. Y/n giggled at the man's reaction, having expected nothing less.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he spoke casting his eyes away from her eyes out of embarrassment, then down to her strange necklace, then back up to her eyes.
"Don't worry about it," she said, leaning against the Banshee's railing. "It is lovely to make your acquaintance, may I ask your name?"
"Mizu," he answered, finally less taken aback by the strange woman. "And you are?*
"Y/n," she said, reaching out her hand limply, again out of habit more than anything else. Mizu looked at her with pure confusion, almost fear. Y/n giggled again, this time to hide her embarrassment. "It is expected to kiss a lady's hand where we're going."
Mizu nodded and cautiously took the girl's hand, which was smaller then her own, and cool to the touch from the ocean winds. He kissed it with the gentleness most men she encountered lacked.
"You'll make a proper gentleman," y/n remarked as she retrieved her hand once again and placed it under her head. She scanned Mizu as had her. Admittedly he was rather dashing. So much so she'd forgotten what she was originally there to ask him. Fowler was the last thing on her mind. "What's with the spectacles?" she asked.
"My eyes are unnatural back home," he told her.
"Is that so?" Y/n asked rhetorically. Perhaps without thought for personal space, she leaned forward and took the yellow frames from the man's face. She was greeted with eyes that would put the sea herself to shame. "You needn't wear these anymore, your eyes are beautiful." The young sailor folded the glasses and handed them back to the blue eyed man.
A small smile graced Mizu's face at the first genuine compliment he'd heard in regard to his eyes. He looked over the beautiful yet foreign face of the woman in front of him. The journey to London was certainly something to look forward to now.
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pit-and-the-pen · 9 days
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I’ll Crawl Home to Her- Prologue
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A/N: Prologue for a reader x Azriel fic I've started writing. The events from under the mountain are told from the readers' perspective. There is some dialogue from the actual book so all of that, and the characters of course, belong to Sarah J. Maas.
Quick Flip to Azriel's POV somewhere in the middle because I wanted to.
Warnings: Cannon Typical Violence.
Word Count: ~4k
Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist for this series! I'm already working on the next part and have the rest of the series planned out!
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Forty nine years. Forty nine years away from my court, from my friends. The only thing that has let me keep a semblance of my sanity was that I was here with my brother. Rhys. As selfish as it was, knowing he was here helped me from going out of my gods damned mind. 
I laid in the room I had been assigned, bandages wrapped around my chest covering the latest punishment from Amarantha for my backtalk. She had made some vile comment about Rhys and when apparently threatening to rip her tongue out and nail it to the wall had not been the right thing to say to her. Wincing as I rolled over onto my side, I would do it over again just to know that I got under her skin. There were very few ways to have any semblance of fun here and antagonizing that bitch, much to Rhys horror, was worth every cut and bruise I had received. 
A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts. All I could do was weakly call out for them to come in, anyone that bothered to knock was most likely safe. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and was met with Rhys’ violet eyes staring at me. 
“I thought we talked about this.” He all but growled at me. I shrugged, biting down the pain that flashed through me. 
“You should see the other guy.” Trying and failing at keeping the shake out of my voice. That earned me his signature glare. 
“Try that again when you can sit up on your own.” He sighed, walking over to the edge of my bed. He put his head in his hands. “You can’t keep doing this. She’s going to kill you one day over some stupid comment.” I had never heard him this scared before. Guilt sunk like a stone in my heart.
“I’ll try to be better. It’s just so hard when I hear her talk about you like that,” I sighed heavily, regretting it at the ache in my lungs. “She can do whatever she wants to me. But you. At least I can pretend I can protect you from her.” We both know that was the furthest from the truth. If she didn’t have the tendency to call for Rhys longer when I spoke back, I would fight back more. But I refuse to allow my brother to suffer more because I can’t control my temper.
We both just sat in silence. I could feel my back desperately fighting to heal itself. It would still be a few days until it healed fully with the bits of my powers Amarantha had stolen. But anything felt better at this point and it was enough for me to finally let my shoulders sag. 
Rhys stayed until I started to doze off. The adrenaline had finally worn off and I felt the tiredness in my bones. He pressed a small kiss to the top of my head as I curled up in the middle of the bed. I let my eyes flutter closed and drifted off to dreams of anywhere but where I was. 
✦✦✦
A gasp left my lips as the attor dumped the poor girl onto the floor before the dais. Still wearing a thin nightgown she must have fallen asleep in. 
“Bring him in.” Amarantha called wicked delight practically dancing around in the throne room. I felt the faint pressure of Rhys’ hand against my arm as they dragged Tamlin into the room kicking and screaming. As soon as I felt it the touch was gone. 
When he was situated beside the red head, she asked, “Is this her?” Tamlin froze as he surveyed the shaking figure in front of him. His shouts died in his throat and he didn’t respond to her question. At the lack of an answer she repeated the question to my brother. 
“Yes.” 
That was all it took for Amarantha to lash out her powers. My ears rang as the girl in front of us started to scream. Rhys’ whole body went tense besides me. The all too familiar feeling of his power pulsed around us and I didn’t even what to think about the torture she was being put through. Rhys’ powers in his own hands could be deadly but in hers they became something far worse. 
I tried to hold back the bile that raised in my throat. Tamlin didn’t so much as flinch, keeping that firm mask but there was something. Just a small tick in his right eye that hit me like a ton of bricks. Whoever this female was, this wasn’t the girl Rhys had seen in the spring court. Anger surged through me. Of course, a random human life wouldn’t be enough to get a reaction out of the High Lord. I wasn’t entirely sure how he would have reacted if it even was her. Maybe I was expecting just a glint of those claws, itching to sink them into the soft flesh of Amarantha, but he stood fae still. The rise and fall of his chest was the only indication he was anything more than a statue. 
The hours dragged on. If this went on any longer I knew I was going to puke, I already knew the moment I moved again it would happen. Slowly, the screams started to ebb and I knew Amarantha was reaching the end of whatever fun she was pulling from this. With the lack of reaction from Tamlin, I knew she was growing bored. I released a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding the moment the girl, Clare, had finally stopped screaming. My head was pounding at the tension in my shoulders. And I could feel the slow healing wounds in my back roaring in pain. 
“You’re all dismissed.” Amarantha called plainly. I didn’t need to be told twice. It took all my restraint to not run from the throne room. I felt Rhys walk behind me, stopping ahead of me as I paused behind a pillar. He didn’t look at me as I rose, just handing me a handkerchief as I went to wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I muttered my small thanks as I took it from him. 
“Are you…” 
“Don’t even finish that sentence.” I groaned at him. I closed my eyes but quickly opened them when I realized that I could still see her sitting there on that dais, still smelling the coppery tang of her blood in the room. My stomach curled again but I swallowed the feeling down. 
“It’s over. Our one chance is gone.” Rhys said plainly. My eyes darted around at his bold words. It’s one thing to talk about this in private, in our minds where no one else could hear us. But in the halls, with everyone vying for the chance to earn Amarnatha’s favor. It was as good as a declaration of treason. He said nothing else as he started walking again and I was never so thankful to not hear my brother's voice 
✦✦✦
I had never felt horror like this in all my years under the mountain. My eyes grew to the size of saucers as I heard her speak those daming words, “I’ve come to claim Tamlin, High Lord of the Spring  Court.” 
My head snapped to Rhys, the horror frozen on his own face told me everything I needed to know. Panic surged through me. Selfishly not for the human in front of me but for my brother. She would not allow the action of lying to him to go unpunished. I reached out for his mind but he pushed me out so violently I almost gasped. 
My mind was racing so much that I missed most of the exchange that was happening in front of me. I caught bits and pieces but I couldn’t string together a coherent thought let alone try to follow along with Amarantha’s scheming. 
My heart was beating out of its chest as I caught up with the turn this conversation had taken. A riddle. You solve the riddle, and his curse will be broken. Instantaneously. I won’t even need to lift my finger and he’ll be free. 
I flinched when I heard her voice ring loud and clear in the room. “Give her a greeting worthy of my hall.” My hand went to hold back Rhys as we both heard the sickening crunch of bones echo in the silent room. 
✦✦✦
If I could have kissed Feyre on the mouth, I would have. As it was, I had to hold back the laughs that threatened to rack through my body as Amarantha stood stock- still in front of her. The bone Feyre had thrown at her feet sticking straight out of the ground. Pride racked through my chest because I knew if I was in her shoes I would have done the same thing. Except I wouldn’t have missed. Maybe if we managed to survive all of this, I would offer her training. I shook my head at the ridiculous thought. I knew that if she survived this, I would never see her again. I spoke into my brother's mind but he seemed far away when I risked a glance over to him. In perfect form, Feyre held Amarantha’s stare before she turned on her heel and walked out of the throne room. For the first time in a long time, I felt a kernel of hope. 
✦✦✦
Rhys had officially lost his damn mind. He must have. That was the only explanation for the sight currently in front of me. Feyre dressed in black glossimer, a dress that would have made me blush to wear. But it wasn’t the dress that held my attention, it was the swirling blue-black mark that now rested on her hand. A bargain. What had Rhys promised her in exchange for the position she was in currently. I started to walk over to my brother, having half a mind to pull him from the room by his ear and cursing him out for bringing her into this viper den before I saw her freeze in front of Tamlin. Much to credit, she didn’t let her chin dip once during Rhys’ and Amarantha’s exchange. I truly questioned both of their sanity before I heard Amarantha dismissing the two. I didn’t want to think how much this little stunt would cost Rhys in the long run. The pair slinked to the back of the room, everyone's eyes trailing over them. Watching to see what Rhys was up to. He handed her a goblet and after a few moments of what looked like a very heated discussion, Feyre downed the cup of faerie wine. 
Shit really hit the fan after her third glass. I watched the pink flood her cheeks and her eyes glass over. Rhys pulled her onto the dance floor and I decided I had enough. I walked out of the room. Refusing to watch her body move against my brothers. Realistically, I knew what state she had been in when she walked out of that last challenge. I knew what my brother had offered in return for her actions right now. And I knew from the way that the smirk didn’t reach his eyes that he was not enjoying himself at this moment. For whatever reason, he was protecting her from the consequences of healing her. 
Eventually, I heard the music from the night fading away and I knew that the party must be over. It would be another few hours before Rhys would slink into my room to lick his wounds. When he did show up, the berating words I had planned died in my throat. It could wait for later I decided as he sat down in the center of my bed. I never spoke first. I let him decompress as he needed to. Sometimes we would never say a single word and I was perfectly content to just let him sit in the room with me. I had long given up on reading books here. But he was sitting in my room, the sound of the crackling fire filling the quiet space. If  I closed my eyes hard enough, I could pretend we were both back in Velaris. The rest of our family loudly argued over some trivial joke. My mind wandered to what they were doing at this moment. 
✦✦✦ Azriel POV
Azriel still doesn’t know how he has lasted this long. Mor and Cassian sit with him, the silence that has lingered around the townhouse for the last 48 years sits even heavier today. Heavier because Mor had said Rhys’ name, had said your name. And he felt the hole in his chest stretch just a little further, ripping itself open again. He had long stopped trying to listen for the all too familiar voice in his head, a power you and your brother both shared. But he couldn’t help it as the pair next to him were talking once again about a plan to get the two of you back home. 
If he let himself think about it too much it was going to tear him apart. The terrified part of him that would spiral if he thought about how he might never get to hear your voice again. How he would never get to see Rhys smile. He longed for those stupid fights they would get into more than anything in the world right now. 
Azriel will never forgive himself for telling her where her brother was heading that day. What use was the spymaster when he couldn’t see that stoney determination on her face as she turned and walked away from the too?. He should have known from that one look what she was planning to do but he and Cas had both been called away later that day on separate missions. He didn’t even get to say goodbye to either of them. What hurt the most was the simple message he received later that day from Rhys. Don’t come after us, stay in Velaris. The reminder that if all of the inner circle left Velaris’ centuries-old protections would be lost was the only thing that kept any of them put. It didn’t stop the hope that there was a way out of this but as the years dragged on it was hard to think of new ways. 
As Azriel started to tune the now fighting pair around him out, he felt his shadows swirling around him. Letting the turmoil that was his mind show to his family. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Cassian placed a firm hand on his shoulder but knew better than to try to say any words of comfort, they had all been long spoken and neither of them believed them anymore. 
✦✦✦
Days passed, and every night Rhys would parade Feyre around the throne room for everyone to gawk at. And every night I would tuck away in the corner until I could sneak out early. 
The second challenge came and went. Feyre getting one step closer to breaking this curse. I kept the kernel of hope tight to my chest, refusing to truly accept it until it happened. Maybe not even then. I found myself dreaming more and more about life in Velaris once we got out from under the mountain. Hope wasn’t supposed to survive down here but in spite of myself, I trusted this human girl to be the thing to save all of us. It was an unfair burden to place on her shoulders. 
The night of the final task snuck up on all of us. Everyone was called to the throne room as usual but something was different. This was it. Feyre would either survive and it would all be over, or she would fail and it would be over anyways. Rhys and I had spent the night in silence, the only sound was me sobbing. I didn’t know whether it was out of fear or relief. 
Feyre was marched out, flanked on either side by attors. As if she would try to run now. 
“Two trials lie behind you,” Amarantha let her voice ring around the room. The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. “And only one more awaits. I wonder if it will be worse to fail now- when you were so close.” I tried to steady my ragged breaths. I caught eyes with Rhys and saw my own horror reflected in those violet eyes. 
“I love you. No matter what she says about it, no matter if it’s only with my insignificant human heart. Even when they burn my body. I’ll love you.” And from her words, I knew she meant it. Somehow this brave, selfless girl managed to fall in love with Tamlin. The cruel words I once screamed at him flickered into my mind. The person who ever truly loves you will be the most miserable person to ever exist. I meant it but looking at Feyre, I know that could never extend to her. Not after all of this, not if she managed to pull this off. 
Tamlin didn’t respond to her declaration of love and I realized how angry I was for this girl. He couldn’t break that mask enough to say it back to her. She was looking death square in the face for him and he didn’t have the decency to say a word back. 
Movement in the corner of the room caught my eye and my eyes went wide as three faeries with bags covering their heads were marched in. My stomach lurched when I saw that ash dagger brought in behind them. She was going to have to kill them. A life for a life. When I looked back at Feyre, she looked truly horrified. Horrified at Amarantha’s reminder that they were all innocent. 
Slow as a fae, Feyre took a step on shaking legs in front of the first figure. I saw the tremor in her hand as she reached for the dagger. Her skin turned a ghostly white as the hood was ripped off of the male in front of her. I closed my eyes, turning my head away. I couldn’t watch, couldn’t listen to the pleas of the male in front of Feyre nor the members of his court as they now recognized him. I heard a loud sob from Feyre and the sickening crunch of something cracking through bone and I knew she had done it. Tears ran down my face. I had killed people before but doing it in this setting, for this reason. I could only imagine how much this would cost her. 
I couldn’t turn to look for the second death. I only muttered along with the desperate prayer I heard her whisper. Let me fear no evil. Let me feel no pain. Let me enter eternity. The most sacred prayer to our people. I fought the urge to reach out with what little of my power was left in my body to turn her pain off. To take her mind away from the death that was looming right in front of her but I couldn’t reach out. It was like my power was stuck in my body. Coward. It screamed at me when I reached for it again. When I heard the splatter of blood, I knew it was too late. One more. 
The words that were spoken by Feyre were enough for me to snap my eyes open. “Not…Not fair.” She choked out. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rhys blanche. I felt like my own air had been ripped from my lungs as she just stared at Tamlin. She paused over the ash dagger. Freezing. I could see the gears turning in her head as she tried to find any way out of this. The whole room seemed to be holding their breath as she stood silent and still. 
I heard Tamlin suck in a breath as Feyre went to reach for that last dagger. Her whispering “I love you” was enough to bring more tears to my eyes and I couldn’t find it in myself to look away as she plunged the ash weapon into the center of his chest. 
Tamlin cried out in pain and I heard the clatter of metal against the floor of the room. It was as if an earthquake cracked through the room. When I looked at the dagger, I saw the bent tip. A heart of stone. The words pulled themselves from some deep part of my mind. The final part of the curse that Amarantha wouldn’t have known about. Something even I had forgotten about until it was staring me in the face. Feyre must have figured it out.
“She won. Free them” I couldn’t stop the words as they tumbled out of my mouth. And my heart threatened to completely stop as she turned to face me.
“I’ll free them whenever I see fit.” 
Feyre seemed frozen to her spot when Amarantha turned back to her. You. I’m going to kill you. I didn’t stop the scream as I heard her bones crack. Time seemed to freeze around us as I was stuck, unable to look away and unable to move. I vaguely heard Rhys scream Feyre’s name over and over. Couldn’t process his movements as he went to collect the ash dagger and lunged at Amarantha himself. He went flying against the wall was what broke me from whatever had paralyzed me. I was over by his side before I even knew I was moving. I tensed my whole body, ready to protect Rhys with my life as she screeched at him, at Feyre. 
Feyre was dying. I could sense it in the air. Could feel her fading away. The world seemed to completely freeze as she whispered. Love. The answer to your riddle is love. Her final words before the sickening sound of her spine snapping filled the room. 
All hel broke loose in the throne room. The masks of spring court citizens fell to the ground and I felt my long- missing power flow back into my body. I stared down at my hands in disbelief. I could barely hear the cries of Amarantha as she pleaded for her life. I didn’t spare her another glance. She would be someone else's problem. I rushed over to the girls' side. Ignoring Lucien and the other High Lords that started to surround her. Each opened their palm to drop a small glittering substance onto Feyre. One by one, the high lords all repeated the action. Rhys placed a hand on my shoulder as he did the same. Tamlin was last. And we all held perfectly still as we stared down at the broken girl in front of us. When I looked up at Rhys the pain in his face was enough to make me start crying again. 
Feyre gasped as she sat up, blinking heavily. She looked down at her arms and I saw the realization crash over her face. High Fae. The points of her ears and slight shimmer of her skin would make it impossible to deny. That was all I needed to see. I pulled my brother into my arms and rushed us out of the room. I hugged my brother for the first time in as long as I could remember. I crushed him as tight as my arms would allow me. I sobbed as I realized what this meant for us. I reached out my powers. They practically purred as I was finally able to use them again. I reached into the minds of my family for the first time in almost fifty years. 
We’re coming home.
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