#I'm not paying for your therapy

[flying-thing]

Kiss Me in the Rain

This is a SoapGhost fic for Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. No one requested this, but my heart yearns for more angst, and as such, here we are. This is all based on the new Ghost skin in the war zone part of the game that I've never touched.

I'm not typing out Soap's accent.

..............................................................................................

Playlist:

Work Song - Hozier

My Love Mine All Mine - Mitski

So My Darling - Rachel Chinouriri

Atlantis - Seafret

Here With Me - D4vd

Romantic Homicide - D4vd

Dark Red - Steve Lacy

Advice - Alex G

The View Between Villages - Noah Kohan

..............................................................................................

CW: major character death, broken promises, gore, unreliable narrator, angst, domestic fluff, zombies

Word Count: 3457 (Unfinished and not edited!!)

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It was no surprise when Price told Simon and John that it was close to the time in which they needed more supplies. They were the scouts, after all, and it was their job to go scavenging. They still had a few days before they needed to leave, and as per usual, the two were enjoying their time together until they needed to leave.

Simon walked out to the garden the team had started a few days ago, and he found John watering the plants. It was a lot easier for sprouts to come out when there weren't birds and squirrels to steal the seeds from the soil. It has become oddly peaceful since the outbreak, nobody to disturb your slumber, no wars to fight, and barely anything to worry about. Recently, the 141 have been looking for any type of farm animal so that they can fully sustain themselves without needing to leave every month or so for supplies. Everyone has taken to reading books, whether it be to pass the time or to learn how to do certain things. Price has figured out how to build buildings— after some much needed practice. Gaz has learned to make soap and cook delightful food (when there was actual food to cook), and Soap has put his demolition skills to good use in that he can make things that create electricity and even plumbing. Simon has become very interested in gardening, interestingly enough.

Everyone had a place, and the routine worked. The rest of the world was plagued, but here in their little home? It was perfect. Most of the soldiers left when the outbreak happened so they could protect their families. The rest died when the undead broke in. Simon wonders sometimes what it would be like to be dead. He fantasized about it a lot when he was younger, but now that there was little to live for, life was everything to him.

Before he got too lost in his thoughts, John walked over to him. "What's happening in that brain of yours, Simon?" He asks. Simon snaps out of whatever trance held him, and he shook his head. "I don't know how to explain it, but it's nothing exciting. What are you doing out here?" He counters, earning a grin from the scot's face.

"Just trying to find out why you enjoy this so much, and I think I've just about figured it out."

Simon looks at him amused. "And what is the reason?"

"I said 'just about,' not completely," he jokes, making Simon laugh. He did that more often now that he barely wore a mask anymore. John was fascinated with how expressive he was. Crow's feet at the corners of his eyes, the barely-there blush on his cheeks, the corners of his mouth lifting. Apparently, when he called Simon gorgeous in his mind, he said it outloud, and it made the taller man smile more.

"You flatter me too much, Johnny. Do you want to know the reason I enjoy it?"

"Would you tell me if I said yes?"

"Probably not."

John scoffed playfully and shook his head, his eyes closed with the gesture. "Has Gaz made dinner yet?"

"He's about to, I think. He's excited for everything to start growing so we don't need to live off unseasoned and almost expired canned food."

"I'm in the same boat with him. Cannot stand what we're surviving off. Beggars can't be choosers, I suppose." John said solemnly.

Simon quirked an eyebrow. "Did you learn that phrase from Price?"

The comment earned him a punch to the shoulder, and Simon just chuckled again. "I've been around you English folk longer than you think, bastard." His words held no venom, and Simon rolled his eyes. "Thanks for watering everything, even if you didn't find answers to your questions."

John looked up at him and nodded. "I'm glad you found something you enjoy. I don't need to understand it."

It was always a change of pace from when Simon was tearing himself apart to find out the answers to unspoken questions he had about himself to John wholeheartedly accepting him, no questions asked. He'd slowly started adopting the mindset of not needing to know everything for there to be understanding. Johnny really rubbed off on him, he supposed.

"Price wants us to leave tomorrow. We need more food and blankets. Winter might be harsh, and we still don't have a heater that works," Simon said, changing the subject.

The shorter man nodded before chuckling. "Can you imagine us bringing back mattresses? That'd be feat."

"We would probably need to bring the four of us for proper backup. There's a mattress store in the mall we go into sometimes," Simon said. John thought for a moment before nodding his head. "Project for another day."

---

Simon got his and John's clothes while the latter got the shower ready. The routine was comforting for Simon after their 'normal' was all discombobulated. He had folded the clothes as neatly as he could before walking into the shared restroom that was slowly fogging up the broken mirror. He set the clothes on top of the closed toilet seat and made sure their towels were still where they were supposed to be.

"The water's just how you like it, Si," Johnny said, peaking his head out of the curtain. He had always looked at him like he was the most precious thing he'd ever seen, and it was sometimes overwhelming for Simon. He didn't deserve this. But he had it, and so he would enjoy it until the world decided it was time to tear them apart.

Simon only smiled as he undressed and put his clothes next to the pile Johnny had already made before getting inside the shower with him. John made room for Simon to feel the warmth of the water. His eyes closed for a moment as he basked in it. When his eyes opened, Johnny had some of the homemade shampoo in his hand and Simon leaned down so he could wash his hair.

Soft moments like this made him feel all warm inside, and he never could resist melting into his lover's hands when he'd held him. They took their time in washing each other, not wanting to waste a single moment together. The water was still hot when they finished and they dried off and got dressed. They spent the time in a comfortable silence, both having acknowledged that no words needed to be shared.

After they climbed into bed, Simon wrapped himself around John. He wanted to tell him about the feeling of dread he felt but got lost to the sound of John's heartbeat. John rubbed Simon's shoulder with his thumb as they laid there.

"I have a bad feeling about tomorrow," Simon said. John hummed. "Do you know why?"

Simon shook his head. "Just feels like something is going to go wrong."

"We haven't had an incident in a while. We cleared out most of the hoard that went through the city," John said, trying to clear the other's worries.

"Maybe that's the problem," Simon said. He'd never been scared to go out on a mission. The zombies were no more a threat to him than a soldier would have been. A little less if he thought about it.

"Promise me you'll be the one to kill me if I get bitten."

"What are you talking about? You're not going to get eaten. Stop talking like that," John said.

"Johnny, I need you to promise me. I don't know what I'd do if I was the one who hurt you in the end," Simon says, sitting up to look at him.

"I will protect you, Simon. I promise that if push comes to shove, I'll kill you. I'm not going to lose you to a damn biter though, you hear?" John said, pulling Simon in for a light kiss.

John sat up with him and cradled Simon's face in his hands, his thumbs gently wiping away tears that Simon hadn't even realized were falling.

"Don't cry, my love. It's okay."

"I don't understand why I'm so upset," Simon said. "But I just can't stand the thought of hurting you. You're so dear to me."

"Don't get too sappy on me," John chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "I love you, Simon."

"I love you too, Johnny."

John's eyes widened, and Simon didn't think he'd ever seen his face get so bright.

"Well, you can't die now. Not when you're finding your voice. I'm so proud of you, Simon."

"It's all because of you."

---

Beep beep be- click.

John clicked off the alarm clock with a sigh. He sat up and rubbed his face before turning to look at Simon sleeping peacefully. His light brown hair is laid across the pillow, and his mouth is slightly agape. His hair had gotten longer as he had not cut it in a while. It looked so soft and John couldn't help but carefully run his fingers through the other's locks. The action woke him up and he opened his glossy eyes to see that it was only Johnny there.

"Good morning," he said, his voice gravelly with sleep. "Morning," the other responded. John removed his hand and allowed Simon to do a full body stretch and yawn before sitting up as well. He leaned on John's shoulder, his cheek smushing up against it.

"You're like a cat, Simon. It's sweet," John said endearingly.

"I blame you for making me soft, Johnny," Simon mumbled, making him chuckle.

"We should get up soon. Gaz ought to be making breakfast by now."

"Let me go to the bathroom first," Simon said, getting up and stretching again, yawning as he scratches his stomach.

John followed behind him and then to the cafeteria after, sure enough hearing Gaz making noise in the kitchen.

They walked up to the window in the wall and watched the man do his thing. "Good morning, Gaz," John says loudly so he hears him. He looked over and grinned. "Morning, boys. How'd you sleep?"

"I slept well enough. Simon's still waking up, if you couldn't tell," John answered. Gaz nodded.

"Breakfast is almost done, if you two want to sit down. I'll bring it out to you."

"Make enough for me too," Price said, his voice carrying through the room. Gaz rolled his eyes. "No, I think I'll let you make your own food," he said sarcastically. It made Simon laugh and he covered his mouth with one of his hands.

"Don't think you'd want me messing up your space. You'd probably kill me if I set the kitchen on fire."

"Damn right, I would."

They all laugh and after a couple minutes, Gaz walked out with two trays with two plates on each tray. He sat them down on the table they routinely sat at.

"I found a hen in the woods yesterday, so I went and grabbed it. I need you to make a pen for it," Gaz said to Price. The three of them grinned. "So we get eggs more often?" John asked, earning an excited nod.

"Yes!" John exclaimed, doing a little happy dance. Simon laughed and shook his head. "Eat your food. We should leave soon."

"Aye, you're right, but we still need a list of what we need to find. You're also not even dressed yet," John said amusedly. "Neither are you," Simon quipped.

John rolled his eyes and grinned, eating what was on his plate. The four of them conversated for a while even after they'd all finished their food. It was calm; exactly what Simon needed after stressing all last night.

When they finally got dressed, it was about noon. Simon slipped on his vest and grabbed his knives and backpack. He waited for John to finish putting his boots on before walking out to Price's office. John knocked, and Price called them in.

"I've got your list here. It's the normal stuff with a few additions," the older man said, looking between the two.

Simon nodded and took the list from Price's outstretched hand. He looked it over before handing it to John, who put it in his bag. "We'll be back in a couple days then," Simon said, putting on his mask.

"Be safe, boys. We'll be waiting for you."

"Of course, sir," John said, putting on a mask of his own. They walked out of the room and saw Gaz waiting for them at the door. He hugged both of them when they got close enough. "Don't get lost, got it? We'll come find you if you don't check in properly, so don't leave us hanging."

John grins and fist bumps the man, holding their fists together. "We'll come back. Don't miss us too much, yeah?" Gaz nodded and looked at Simon.

"I'll keep him kicking," he said with a grin. "Good man," Gaz responded, giving him a fist bump too. He opened the door and watched them head out and down the road.

"How long do you think we'll be out this time?" John asked, his head slightly elevated to look at the tops of the trees. Simon hummed in consideration. "Four days. Only because we have a lot to get and ground to cover."

"I'll say a week then. Factoring in anything potential issues," John said in consideration. Simon nodded, "Makes sense. I don't think we will though. It's been a while since we've seen so much as a group."

"Better safe than sorry, hm?" John said playfully. Simon chuckled and shook his head. "Learned that from Gaz? Picking up all sorts of things, I see."

"What do you expect? I'm around you guys all the time. Bound to happen," John said, amused.

"We'll be at the city soon. I can see it ahead," Simon said, changing the subject. Since they left so late, they wouldn't make it in daylight and would need to set up camp and get there the next day. Walking give miles takes longer than one would originally expect. They were pretty close by the time the moon was a quarter of the way up in the sky and decided to make their border so they could sleep.

Simon threaded three lines of barbed wire around the trees where their camp would be; one close to the ground, one about torso level, and one in front of his face. After that, he pushed leaves closer to the wire so it would be easier to hear if anything on through. John made a small upside down fire in the meantime, putting down their sleeping bags and using their bags as pillows.

"Did you remember the spoons, Johnny?" Simon asked as he watched him pull out a couple cans of food. John looked around as he thought about it before grimacing. "I'll take that as a no. Good thing I remembered for you," he said, pulling a couple out of his own bag.

"I can't go anywhere without you, Simon," John said playfully, knowing full well that he would forget his sleeping bag if Simon wasn't there to remind him or grab it for him. "I know," the other responded, handing him a spoon.

They ate in a comfortable silence and watched the fire. When they finished eating, Simon took the cans and put them in a spare bag he had brought, putting the spoons in with them to wash them when they got to the stream on their way back. They sat next to each other, their shoulders touching.

"We should sleep soon," Simon said as John leaned his head on his shoulder. "You won't sleep, so I won't either," John said in determination. Simon chuckled and shook his head. "Sleep, Johnny. I'll watch over you."

The man was already asleep, much to Simon's amusement. He never could stay up like Simon could. He fell asleep a little after, laying them both down to get comfortable. Simon layed on the sleeping bag while John was sprawled out on top of him, his head on his chest.

Simon woke up to rustling and at first thought it was John moving. He soon realized that he would have felt the man move and opened his eyes to see a walker fallen over the wire. It was quickly crawling towards them and Simon grabbed the knife from his side pocket and slipped out from under John. He met the zombie halfway and he stabbed into its ear. It was a clean kill, if he did say so himself. The sun was decently up and thought it would be good to get up and go before it was super bright. Sunglasses are hard to put on over the hard shell of a mask.

John woke up from the commotion and shot up when he saw the dead zombie slumped at Simon's feet, thinking it was still alive. "It's alright, Johnny. Took care of it," Simon said, easing John's worries. "We should go soon, so get ready to leave."

He nodded and stretched before getting up and taking deep breaths to calm his adrenaline. He always feared Simon would get bit protecting him. He rolled up the unused sleeping bags and put them away while Simon undid the wiring. They both took a whiz before continuing their trek to the city.

They took their knives out just in case something came at them. Every now and then, they would encounter a runner and they were the worst of them. John opened the makeshift fence they'd made to keep the area contained. Ammo had been exhausted at the beginning of the outbreak and they didn't have much left. As such, guns were rarely used.

They'd never found other survivors. It was hard to live in a world like this and not many had good survival instincts. It really was a wonder the military fell so soon when they were supposed to be trained for it. Oh well, Simon supposed. More resources for my group.

Closing the fence, they ventured further in. "What store should we hit first?" John asked, his eyes scanning the area in front of them. "Necessities first. Probably the chicken feed since the store is farther away. We can work our way to the front."

"Makes sense. It would keep us out here longer though. I don't remember where the store is exactly."

"Neither do I. But if we want eggs, we need to hope we find it quickly and that it's even there."

John nodded, and they kept walking. "We should stock up on toilet paper as well. Maybe grab a thing of water until we get the well pumping properly."

"Should get some for our vacation."

"While this isn't a vacation I would want, it's funny," Simon mused. John stifled a laugh.

They spent most of the day walking down the streets until it got dark enough that they would need to find a building. They found one without a bunch of broken windows and it looked secure enough. They went to the door and carefully opened it, hoping it didn't squeak too much.

The windows let in enough light that they could see well enough. Simon walked over to the wall and banged on it a few times. The door was still open in case a crowd came and they could easily leave. The downside was that the noise could have attracted some outside. It would do them no good to be cornered. When nothing came and no sound was made, John closed the door. They scouted the room and found nothing. The windows were stable and the door leading upstairs was barricaded. As long as they secured the door leading out and stayed out of sight, they would be just fine.

They were unable to make a fire, much to John's dismay, but they did have an electric lantern still. Price was able to fix a solar panel onto it and now they could test to see if it worked. Simon desperately hoped that it would work like this, although he would never admit it. He wanted to be able to see everything if anything happened. That would have been his explanation. The real reason, however, is that he wants to be able to watch John. He didn't know how much time they had left and he wanted to see as much of him as possible.

It's not creepy. It's endearing, Simon thought. How many times will I see him before our inevitable deaths?

He broke free from his slightly morbid thoughts after seeing John grin at him with his teeth showing. It meant that he was pleased. That's good. It was moments like this that made him feel the urge to commit whatever crime he needed to just to see him smile all the time. Not that there was any structure anymore, but his point still stood.

With confirmation that it works, they turned it off. No use in wasting electricity when there was still light outside.

"Hungry, Simon?" John asked as he rifled through his bag for food. Simon nodded when he looked at him. “These are so much better when they're hot, but here you go.”

[hannibal-confessions-nbc]

Will Graham is my actual favorite character of all time in any media ever created. It it hard for me to even call him a character he is real to me I like to imagine he is in the room with me and when I make food i imagine feeding him it. I imagine watching things with him. A miniature version of him lives in my ear so we can talk. We have been married for 3 years. Thats all.

.

[ryuichifoxe]

what the hellllll, you had more stuff happen to you in two months than me in half a year 😶 are you doing alright??

I can't say I recommend this much excitement in the span of two months. Either I'm cursed or had too much fun in Pennsylvania and Virginia, so the universe bounced back in the form of an attempted isekai. On Friday the 13th!

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

This is not me over here watching y’all collectively lose your shit over the latest Destiny & Deliverance chapter drop. 😈🤣

For real though… thanks for all the positive feedback and love! It was a rough chapter for us all and we still have a ways to go for our happy ending. We will get there though!

Also, big thanks to the Anons that submitted asks. If you missed my responses to those, check them out here. I threw in some details you all might be interested in.

Don’t forget to check out the fic extras for additional insight on Dieter and Talia. The new series Deconstructing Dieter Bravo launched with this latest chapter. There is a lot of good stuff to come with that!

I wanted to say welcome to all of my new readers! I got some comments from new folks this time around. Or maybe they were lurkers that finally made themselves known? Either way, welcome to the party. I invite you all to join our in depth discussions. I also welcome predictions and theories. They give me life. It’s a good way to get extra teasers out of me too. 😉

For Tonight’s Discussion….

@for-a-longlongtime (best beta ever btw 💜) and I were discussing earlier, is this chapter more devastating than the mom trauma chapter? More shocking than Talia deleting Dieter’s number?

How far have I gone on the angst meter? I need to judge how far off the edge I’m about to push y’all. 👀🥴

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @cakipy-blog @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

[total-drama-brainrot]

my total drama oc is a reversal of the show's pre-established "villain" archetype.

right off the bat, they're just the worst person; outright antagonistic towards everyone and constantly causing conflict amidst the cast, openly orchestrating people's eliminations, blatantly cheating but in such a way that technically they're not breaking any rules- without disguising themself behind a mask of geniality (like alejandro, heather and julia did).

and they're kept around well into the competition because their villainy? it's ratings gold. people love a good antagonist, especially one that's so productive. the audience loves to hate them, or hates that they love them, and everyone is gunning for their downfall- which only becomes more and more tempting with every elimination.

plus, chris is more than happy to enable them so long as they keep things interesting.

interestingly enough, they never seem to use the confessional. or at least, none of their confessions are aired. well, that's not exactly true. one confession is aired, and it's them boasting to the audience that they wouldn't understand the inner machinations of their mind, and that they don't deserve to hear their thoughts.

consequently, the audience has no idea what they're thinking at any given time, only seeing glimpses of their schemes throughout the episode until everything comes to fruition- like a puzzle finally being completed. it's a smart move for the network, because it means the audience gets to watch their plans play out in 'real time' without their insight/foreknowledge, making it just as impactful to the viewers as it is to the competitors. it helps with immersion, which is a boon for the ratings!

until their elimination, wherein their confessions are played out on the big screen, and it's heartbreaking.

they explain, in their first confession, that they were accosted by chris at the beginning of the competition to act as the main antagonistic force for the show, and that he's turn a blind eye to their antics so long as they kept the viewers watching, even paying them a decent salary if their act was good enough. because they're smart- smart enough to play the rest of the cast like a fiddle if they wanted to, and chris wants them to.

what a great deal, right? being given blanket permission to be as conniving as possible, and a pay check to boot- who wouldn't take the opportunity?

and they round it out by "getting into character" on camera, sneering haughtily at the lens and- you guessed it- boasting to the audience that they wouldn't understand the inner machinations of their mind, before giggling dorkily at the silliness of their statement, commenting that it'd we way too obvious they were faking if they acted that snooty. they're a theatre kid at heart, so the idea of "playing the villain" is exciting! it's going to be so fun!

but their second confession is sombre. they're visibly tired, wiping away at the concealer under their eyes to reveal some heavy bags, and they're curled up into a pitiful ball in front of the camera. they divulge that the pressure to constantly live up to the shows expectations of antagonism is crushing, and their status as a social pariah is more draining than they'd care to admit, and that- despite the apparent glee they've been committing these acts of villainy with- being so outwardly morally corrupt has left them with a constant churning of guilt in their gut. they only agreed to be the "bad guy" for the money, which would help their family's financial situation tremendously, but they're growing increasingly uncertain if the reward justifies the risks.

by the third confession, they're actively sickened by their actions, eventually devolving from airing their frustrations, lamenting their choice to method act as such an awful person, to throwing up into the confessional's toilet as they hold back guilt-leaden tears and repeat a mantra of "i'm sorry, i'm sorry,". they're drowning in the murky waters of their persona, and backing out now would only lead to more scrutiny and suspicion from the people who were supposed to be their friends, and they know they'd deserve the mistrust. plus, backtracking from their deal with chris would jeopardise everything- from the dirty money they've earned from their antagonism to their place in the competition itself; they'd be voted out in a heartbeat without the network's safety blanket of plot armour!

they don't know what to do. they barely even know who they are anymore.

and then the camera's focus cuts to the real-time them, who's sat ashen-faced and deathly still as their weakest moments are broadcast, not only to the people who rightfully hate them, but to the whole world.

[but-the-library-of-alexandria]

in 2024 I wanna stop hearing about betterhelp

[emotinalsupportturtle]

I love how most of us are either watching Doctor Who or Staged to heal from the episode 6 of Good Omens, which are both TERRIBLE ideas.

We all know what an emotional rollercoaster doctor who is (especially the 10th doctor's run)

and although Staged for most of the part is fun, completely hilarious and one of my favourite comfort shows, I completely forgot how season 3 ended. I mean what can be worse than Michael and David deciding to take a break from each other? So in retrospect that (watching staged) was not the best idea either.

[sappho-favourite-pupil]

TW: BANDAGE PICTURES BELOW

tw: mention of bleeding

(there is no blood in the pictures tho, just my bandaged hand).

I accidentally chopped one of my hands.

Quite literally.

As you may know, the palm bleeds a lot, which was kind of an issue because i was outside when i got hurt and i had to literally run back home. I kinda scared the neighbours lmao.

I won't be really using this hand in a while, but thank Sappho i'm right-handed (eheh 👀).

[oneforthemunny]

what are you guys going to do when I make rockstar!eddie soft and sweet and cute in this next work huh?? what are you going to do then?? when he's a cutesy angel instead of a meanie???

[superanimepirate]

Did y'all know about this?!?

Brb, gonna curl in a ball, listen to this on repeat, and cry until we get season 3

[marlinspirkhall]

The spiders in my bedroom have got me so well-trained. Today I noticed that Harold II had moved from his perch in the corner to sit beside the window again (which he hasn't done since Wednesday evening when the heatwave finally let up), and it struck me as odd.

But lo and behold, it's too warm tonight, so I had to open the window, and he's just sitting there smugly on his second web, like it's his summer home.

The most upsetting part is, there haven't been any flying bugs in my room all summer, so he must be doing something right.

[thethingything]

local man discovers he's gotten into the habit of using DBT techniques without actually being taught them because at some point he realised that the things we get the urge to do when we have strong emotions often aren't healthy and that he doesn't like how he feels afterwards so he started noticing when that was happening and going "fuck that shit" and doing the opposite instead

[galactichelium]

I will not do the exercises given to me by my physio, whether that be because I forgot or I'm having executive dysfunction, and then be like "Man why am I in so much pain?"

[its-actually-minicika]

harshest winters aemond making YN watch him as he goes down and fucks alys to show her what she's missing out on...... pass it on

What in the 365 days is this?? 😭😭

YOU DARK AEMOND GIRLIES MAKE ME WEAK

I don't know what to say to that. He might do that. If the opportunity ever came. But it NEVER will because i'm too scared to give you what you want.

[arodrwho]

also GOD my BOSS wants me to PRESENT SOMETHING during a MEETING as a stupid STRETCH GOAL. like ma'am. please. i'm dying here

[keepingthepeaceinouterspace]

I miss when I was able to get good health insurance that wasn't just stupid