#I'm only saying that doesn't excuse the use of those tools or the choices the developers made

[miheartsedthings]

Pole Candy

18+ Minors DNI

Modern!Billy x Stripper!Reader

Summary: Security guard Billy feels over-protective when a customer gets too handsy.

Warnings: Sex work, attempted assault, trauma, anal stuff. Angst + a little fluff.

(ps. I don't know what I'm doing with these warnings, please forgive me if I've missed something and be careful.)

Cherry Waves - Song I'd be dancing to, feel free to choose your own or use this one.

The flashing lights strobe to the rhythm of the music. Lighting up the stage in melodic hues of pink and purple that move across your skin in velvet pools. As usual, you're in your own world while you dance, in the flow of movement.  You watch yourself in the mirror, admiring your body and the new bikini you're wearing. It suits you perfectly and matches your platform heels. The pole is a tool, and you use it expertly, your every movement graceful and slow as eyes around the room watch. 

When you started dancing a year ago, the stage was the worst part for you. Even worse than the grabby, asshole customers or those certain girls who always got territorial. All the eyes on you gave you a rush of nerves and excitement you could barely stand. You preferred talking to everyone, moving around the room socializing, and hanging with the other friendly dancers. 

Today, you're starting to hate the stage again, when the man sitting up front whistles at you. You turn to see his greasy, grinning face as he puts the dollar between his teeth. You force yourself to smile and ease down onto your knees, crawling slowly over to him. You lean back, watching his eyes admire as you trail your hand up your stomach, caressing your tits a little before slipping off your bikini top. 

You lean down and motorboat him, but he doesn't give up the dollar. 

“C’mon girl. Gimme something.”

You smile, already annoyed. You slowly turn and put your ass in his face, swirling it around. 

“There we go,” he grumbles. 

You roll your eyes. Then he jabs you with the dollar, seemingly trying to shove it up your asshole. You jerk away, grabbing his hand. He's laughing when you turn, and you’re still smiling though you're officially annoyed. Across the room, another dancer catches your eye and you give her the SOS look. She trots off to find a security guard. For better or worse, she goes right to Billy. 

He's already watching, his focus sharp as a hawk. He’d only been working there a few months, but the connection between the two of you had been instant. You knew it was stupid to date a coworker, but you were falling for him quick and let’s face it; you didn’t always make the soundest choices. Still, he always made you feel safe. When the girl goes and tells him you gave her a look, it's all the excuse he needs to come over. 

It's just in time, too. 

The man keeps trying to wedge the dollar up your butt crack, making you scoot away. Billy grabs his wrist. Glaring down at the guy with fire in his gaze. 

“You new here?” He asks in a condescending tone, snatching the dollar.“Its like this” he looks at you. “May I?” he asks, and you nod, already at peace just having him there. Billy gently places the crumpled buck under the string of your bikini. “See that?” He says to the man, who's now scowling. 

“Yeah, I got it, buddy.” 

“Good.” 

You lock eyes with Billy for a moment, mouthing ‘thank you’ as you go back to dancing. 

After your set, the jerk asks you for a dance. On a better night, you'd say no, but it's slow and you can't afford to turn down money, even from a creep. You take his hand, smiling as you lead him over to the private dance area. Billy sees this, and you can tell even from across the crowded room that he hates it. 

Back in the private area you get your money upfront and start to dance, trying to be careful, though there's not much you can do. Try not to smile too much, don't give him the impression you wanna be touched. Then again some guys like touching people who don't want it. 

The way he looks at you makes you nervous and you avoid his eyes. It’s not the way a horny guy normally looks, the man looks like he wants to literally cook and eat your flesh. The song ends and you stand up, stepping away from him with a smile. 

“All done, honey.” You say, your voice dripping with sweetness. 

“Not so fast, sugar tits.” He waves another 20 in looks at you with his brows raised. When you hesitate he only laughs “C’mon. Make your money, dollface.” 

You’re reluctant, but you smile again, this time it’s so fake it hurts your cheeks. You take the money and start to dance. He keeps groaning and the sound makes you sick. Then, halfway through the song, he locks his arm around your waist and starts groping your ass. 

“That’s it,” he groans into your face. 

You struggle, trying to push away, but his arm is locked in place and you start to panic, your heart racing as you scramble to escape his violating hand. His finger trying to press into you.

Then, a fist shoots past your head, rocking the dude in his mouth. The guy yells and lets go, letting you scramble to your feet. Billy's got him by the collar and punches him again, his mouth bleeding now. 

“Billy, stop!” 

You yell this and miraculously, he does. He drags the guy away by his collar, fuming as he leads him out, the jerk stumbling over himself. 

“You okay?” Another girl asks. You wanna say you're fine, but you're shaking all over. She helps you collect your bikini and your money and you settle in the dressing room with your head down. 

You've had plenty of bad nights as a dancer. Plenty of times your self-esteem has been shaken and you've worried some guy was becoming obsessed with you. Nothing like this. You'd never been so scared before. 

Footsteps come stomping into the room and you don't have to look up to know it's Billy. You see him round the row of lockers and spot you. He's fuming, his face red, his knuckles bruised and spotted with blood. 

“You can't do this shit anymore,” he says. 

“It's just a bad night.” 

“That guy had you!” he yelled, rattling your nerves even more “If I wasn't watching the cameras he would've-”

“Stop yelling at me!” 

He falls quiet. You turn around on the bench, trying to catch your breath and calm yourself down. 

“I know what you're gonna say.” You kick off your heels. “But could you just…not yell? Could you like, comfort me for a second?” 

He lets out a breath and sits beside you, letting you wrap your arms around his strong torso as he tucks you under his arm, wrapping you in a hug. Like this, he can feel how much you're shaking and it only makes him more angry. 

“You can't do this anymore. I can't fuckin watch this every night.” 

“You could a couple weeks ago.” 

“It's different now,” he says, rubbing your arm. 

You scoff. 

“C’mon, Billy. I told you I wasn't gonna quit when we got together. You said-” 

“This type of shit wasn't part of the deal. And it's just gonna keep happening, baby. Maybe not every night, but it will.” 

You pull out of the hug, shaking your head, you stand and start getting dressed in your street clothes. 

“You know I can't leave. Tuition is due soon, rent just went up-” 

“So get a normal job.” 

“One that pays like this?” You're pulling on your pants, desperate to get home. Billy stands with you, a little pleading in his eyes. He takes your face in his hands, making you look at his handsome face. 

“You told me last night you planned to dance for a year. So. The year came and went and here you are.” 

You look down, your eyes stinging with tears. 

“Shit changed.” 

“So how long?” 

You're embarrassed and pull out of his hands. 

“I can't just drop it, Billy.”

“So, everything you said was bullshit?” 

You shake your head. 

“Of course not. I really like you, but I have a life. There's things I have to pay for.” 

You're picking up your duffle bag and purse, only to have him take the bag on his own shoulder. He stared down at you. Insistent. 

“Fine.” He says “Two more months.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Two more months. Pay tuition, pay rent, and both of us find something else. Anything else.”

Before you can argue he takes your face in his hands and kisses you. That's what got you in the end. Made you break your no coworkers rule for him. Those lips, the way he kissed you like he'd been dying to do it for years. When he pulls back you touch his cheek, staring at him hard. He’s frowning a little, so concerned. So certain in his desire to protect you.

Something occurs to you as you look into his eyes.   

“Are you trying to say you love me?” 

“Yes,” he answers with no hesitation.

You shake your head, grinning. 

“Falling in love at a strip club. Rookie mistake.” 

“I'm a rookie, then.” He says “So? Deal?” 

You sigh again, looking down you play with the zipper on your hoodie. 

“If you come over tonight and keep me company…then yes.” You look back up into his eyes “Two months.” 

His expression finally eases. 

“Say it again.” 

“Two months?” 

“No,” he says, “the other thing.” 

You smile. 

“You love me.”

He nods, slowly, his eyes moving over every inch of your face like he's trying to memorize you.

“Yeah,” he says “That.” 

You spend so long in the shower your fingers wrinkle, and still you wash. Scrubbing every inch of yourself with so much soap, until the water runs cold and you're forced to get out. But you can still feel that man’s clammy, calloused hands, his finger trying to force its way into you while you fought in vain to escape it. 

You get dressed for bed and still you're shaking. Pulling on a t-shirt Billy had left and a pair of panties. The clothes feel dirty. You feel dirty. 

Fuck. Why should it matter so much? He didn't actually…fuck, why is it still so scary, even now? 

You crawl into bed and fall into a fitful sleep full of the sensation of strange hands against your skin. You find yourself waking time and again to swat away phantom fingers slipping under your shirt, groping you through your panties. You swat at a hand on your shoulder, jolting away from the touch. 

“Hey, hey,” Billy says, getting into bed beside you “It's just me.” 

Relief rushes over you, letting loose all the tension in you. You scootch yourself into his arms, overwhelmed by fear. He kisses your cheek and then your forehead as you nestle closer, wrapping you up. 

“I'm sorry, baby.” 

He whispers. 

“I can't…” your breath catches “I can't stop feeling it.” 

He touches your cheek, wanting to look in your eyes. At first, you can't do it, you don't want him to see you like this. Then, you look. In the moonlight spilling through the window, you see him looking at you with so much tenderness and you feel so safe that it hurts.  

“Tell me how to fix it.” 

A hopeless sob escapes you. You know what you want, but you can't bring yourself to say it. Instead, you take his hand and place it on your ass, under your panties, pushing his middle finger onto the entrance itself. 

“Here?” 

He asks, rubbing the spot. You're amazed at what a difference wanting it makes. You nod, and he swirls his finger around, making a gentle moan roll up your throat. 

“This is where he touched you, baby?” 

His voice is tight, and you nod. It feels so good, you press your lips to his, letting him pull you in tighter. He spits on his finger and returns it to the spot, kissing your neck. You're moaning softly, your nerves finally softening.

“Inside,” you say. 

He pushes in, and a warm rush moves through you, forcing your eyes closed. His finger moves in and out, the rest of his strong hand cupping your cheeks while his middle pumps into your asshole. 

“God,” you sigh. 

“S’this okay?” 

He breathes and you nod, looking at him with drunken eyes. He kisses you, and finally, mercifully, your mind goes blank. All you can feel is him.

Thanks for reading ~

[redjaybathood]

Hardware (1993)

Okay, so I finished the first 4 issues of Hardware. And it's amazing, groundbreaking, awe-inspiring. I read a review that was like "yeah it was good for its time" - excuse me? It's good, period. It's a comic book that doesn't treat neither the reader nor the character half-heartedly. It was as much a pleasure to read dialogue as follow the fighting sequence. The metaphors, which I raved about earlier, are very cleverly used. The story itself, in my opinion, has great weight and relevance.

Slightly spoilery description below.

You feel for Curt, a smart and talented black man, who, sure, gets some chances other peers wouldn't necessarily get (the school his benefactor puts him in, college fund). But when he graduates, and goes to work for Alva - the rich white dude in question - and makes him so much money with his inventions and innovative technology. Alva builds his company's profits and reputation on his back. It's only fair that Curt wants to have a part of this company, a share of the revenue created by him. He did that, he made all those millions possible. But he gets cold water thrown in his face. The man he thought was his friend, his equal, basically almost family - he never considered him any of those things. Just a tool.

Driven by this injustice and realizing that his benefactor isn't the benevolent man he thought he was, Curt starts to investigate him. If that's what he did to Curt, then what did he do at other times, when there's no such a link of debt between them? (and yes, at this point Curt returned more than enough to Alva to consider Alva being indebted to him)

Turns out, Alva also launders money, sells stolen weapons, and more. And Curt tries to do the right thing and sends the information to the police, to politicians, to the press. He doesn't hear back. The reason is simple as that: Alva is in the center of a web of corruption. Nobody has the desire or/and political will and power to take him down.

So, Curt builds himself a suit, using his workplace as a warehouse, a storage unit, and a temporary base. And he names his suit - his superhero name - Hardware.

Now that I know more about the reasoning behind the name, I appreciate this choice even more.

[ID: a comic panel from "Hardware" comics, #4. There is a bird perch. Curt Metcalf is hanging his helmet on it. He says: "Hey, you asked the question first: what do I want to accomplish? I don't know the answer yet... But I'm convinced that somehow, Hardware is the right tool for the job."

Next panel, he takes away his hand. A parakeet lands on the perch, on his helmet's strap."

End of ID]

The art (especially the suits) takes some to get used to, like any late eighties - nineties comics, but it is very worth it. Besides, other times it's outright pretty, as seen above.

[waitingforwinterwinds]

Game of Thrones - 39 EDDARD X (pages 409-415)

Ned wakes from his week long medically induced coma to find King Bobby B has rejected Ned's resignation, and Cersei is pissed about the state of their family feud.

-

He dreamt an old dream, of three knights in white cloaks, and a tower long fallen, and Lyanna in her bed of blood. ... Ned had known their faces as well as he knew his own once, but the years leech a man's memories, even those he vowed never to forget. In the dream they were only shadows, grey wraiths on horses made of mist. ... He unsheathed Dawn and held it with both hands. The blade was pale as milkglass, alive with light. ... A storm of rose petals blew across the blood-streaked sky, as blue as the eyes of death.

I am loving the colour imagery in this chapter, straight up slaps. Now, the blue as the eyes of death, that's winter roses are blue and strongly associated with Lyanna, but also the eyes of the Others and their Wights are blue is that a link? or a coincidence? And when they say milkglass, do they just mean the low grade opaque-translucent glass or is this another name for milky quartz?

... I should maybe get myself some of the additional lore books...

Ned had pulled the tower down afterward, and used its bloody stones to build eight cairns upon the ridge. It was said that Rhaegar had named that place the tower of joy, but for Ned it was a bitter memory. They had been seven against three, yet only two had lived to ride away; Eddard Stark himself and the little crannogman, Howland Reed. He did not think it omened well that he should dream that dream again after so many years.

Oh buddy, it really doesn't. So like, two things: 1. how shit was the tower's construction that two men could pull it down, I'm getting the vibe it was not as seen on tv, that would have been just a lot of effort with the tools they had to hand. 2. Ned's 7 + 3 kingsguard + Lyanna is 11 - 2 survivors is 9 why are there only 8 - OH RIGHT! Lyanna's body is in Winterfell's crypts, they took her body home. ... they really never went back for the others? well, okay then.

"Keep the king's peace, you say. Is this how you keep my peace, Ned? Seven men are dead..." "Eight," the queen corrected. "Tregar died this morning, of the blow Lord Stark gave him."

Oh look, eight dead men then and now, hahaha... does not omen well indeed.

Purple with rage, the king lashed out, a vicious backhand blow to the side of the head. She stumbled against the table and fell hard, yet Cersei Lannister did not cry out.

Hey, quick reminder? As horrible as Cersei is and was, for all the horrific things she did, she shares a narrative thread with Sansa and Dany. Cersei is a potential end of Sansa and Dany's threads, the Toxic Ending wherein the abuse and dehumanization (for being a woman, for being the wrong woman) have rotten inside her, but she was a victim once too.

Does that excuse the shitty things she did? No, those were still choices she made, and given how young she and Jaime started, there's probably always been something messed up in her Love Map, and given how she treated Tyrion in their youth, she's likely always had a mean streak. I just wanted to point out how thoroughly this world is screwing over the maximum number of people At All Times.

[evil-rainbow-sunshine]

About Felix's "Redemption Arc"

Firstly, I need to preface what I'm about to say on the subject with this; Felix could not be redeemed or condemned by the narrative without it sending mixed messages to the audience.

Felix has performed immoral actions, both when he was first introduced and now in season 5. I am not here to talk about whether or not he or anyone deserves forgiveness. I'm not here to take a stance on that.

I am here in the interest of understanding why he acts the way he does and why he narratively possesses the ability to improve himself.

There is a lot we don't yet know about Felix's upbringing, but I will present what I have noticed in his interactions. He has reacted quite poorly to being called a monster (and to the name-concept of sentimonsters), but has dolled out the term 'monster' quite liberally to describe people who are manipulative, abusive, or controlling.

During his conversations with Kagami, he casts his father as one such monster, likening himself to Kagami in that they both have had parental figures who failed to provide the necessary tools for growth parents owe their children.

These two things inform us that, during an impressionable point in Felix's life, he lacked the ability to exercise free will, and was not given proper coping tools by his father/creator.

With this in consideration, his complete and utter lack of empathy toward human beings is entirely unsurprising.

(Please put aside the exceptions to that rule, for now. I will expand.)

Here, I will get slightly personal for the sake of explaining the reason why his behavior, however unacceptable, was never coming from a place of maliciousness. (note: this is not an excuse for his actions, only an explanation.)

I did not grow up in a healthy environment, for a number of reasons that will not get into here. I felt trapped, controlled, and constantly manipulated. Nobody was able to help me develop healthy coping mechanisms for what was happening, nor offer their understanding.

As a result of being treated that way for so long, it took me being completely physically removed from the situation and a number of years of hard work on myself to finally see other people as sentient beings. In retrospect, I acted unacceptably in my desperation to be heard. I don't know if I will ever forgive myself, but I have made efforts to show my family that I will never do those things again and they have forgiven me regardless of whether or not I deserve that forgiveness.

All this to say; I genuinely did not understand that I was not the only sentient person struggling with this lack of essential coping skills. Until I began to realize otherwise, other people were effectively the same kind of 'monster' that Felix also seemed to believe others to be. Manipulative, controlling, and abusive for reasons that could not be fathomed.

Now, back to the important matter of a children's cartoon!

I find it interesting that the ladybug vision / lucky charm of the two most Felix-centric episodes of the current season has told us(and Ladybug) that Felix is worthy of trust because he has the ability and desire to change.

Here is what I mean.

When Ladybug called for her lucky charm and received nothing, she looked to Felix and trusted that he would stop the destructive behavior without her personal interference. She bet her life on it, and was proven correct to have done so.

To show us(the audience) that it was an intentional message, they immediately followed that up with the Kagami kidnapping/liberation episode. While it was the case that Kagami was part of the solution as well, Ladybug outright stated for us that it was time to trust Felix - and again we see this to be the correct choice. Felix helped to defeat the villain of the week.

Although Ladybug still expresses uncertainty about having allowed Felix to escape with the peacock miraculous, we get to see something she doesn't; Felix giving Kagami's family crest-ring(which represents her free will) back to her after she thought she had no choice but to relinquish it to her mother.

tldr;

We are being pretty explicitly told that Felix, while still having a lot to work through, is worthy of trust. It doesn't matter if he receives forgiveness from us or the characters he has hurt.

The moral narrative of Miraculous Ladybug isn't about taking a stance on who deserves to be saved or excused from their actions, it's about growing beyond what your trauma led you to become, making an active effort to improve yourself.

[arcane-temp-fandomblog]

Arcane character parallels / Jayce & Vi / Jinx - how two idiots snatched defeat out of the jaws of viktory

Assumption:

Seems like Silco or more likely Sevika will have his nation of Zaun, not anything better and it will be through war brought by monsters being let out. 'Coz these two - Jayce and Vi - god, aren't they tragic influence on each other. They're the two people that have big hearts and want to protect everyone, but boy are they easily swayed to partition and give parts of them away for getting what they think will solve their perceived problem. Asap, so no one gets hurt.

Vi is the one that gives out Jinx's name to the council, for what she perceives is solution to why Powder isn't as she was before - Silco.

The funny part is Cait, the person that is much more secure in her moral judgment and won't bat an eye to circumvent or break the law when something is unjust/good - even when naive - is the person that is making more sense. She's unsure how to answer since she doesn't have full understanding of Piltover, actually she recently learned enforcers - position she idealised - are corrupt, but she knows this is not a moral choice. Cait knows Vi doesn't want to give her sister away, she seen Piltover prison system is unjust. Problem is, she already convince Vi to trust her that she has a case and they will listen, so Vi just goes there. 'coz Cait is the first person from Piltover to treat her as equal and this makes her not push making Caitlyn see she doesn't have a clear picture or understand Piltover. Which in turns makes Cait make promises to her that are unreasonable with how Piltover is, so on... so forth. Here, Vi gives away Jinx because she thinks to get Powder back is to destroy Silco. Cait would be able to focus Vi's energy to solve her problem if she understood their situation or Piltover system. Vi's angry, she wants easy fix to get her sister back. She fails... then she tries to do it with fists with Jayce's help, it fails again, then alone - and fails again.

It becomes more and more blind revenge, until she's basically fighting Sevika in the dark.

Also she knows it's not right somewhere deep down, but damn does she give herself fake pep talk she is not wrong, revenge is right actually - look dad approves, he's smiling, the viktory is nearly at your fingertips baby girl:

Yeah I'm sure he approves, yes, that is the lesson he thought you on responsibility and using your fists to solve problems blindly.

And then there's Jayce, who learned so much about Piltover and how unjust it is while failing upwards, doing immoral things under the guidance of establishment powers and then exercising the powers they granted him, it's hilarious. Naivety of his about the nature of the system he lives in is not an excuse, at least not for him after the shimmer mine death.

since Vi already tells him "Mr President of Piltover that organised this raid, made your own weapon, and gave away mining tools to turn it into a weapon, you never had a choice. Now c'mon lets hurry and go back to my revenge quest."

Yeah, true man of progress they created, he for sure now believes in Piltover's version of "Progress". And sadly he really had to go up so spectacularly and will have to fall down as spectacularly (if he sticks to his new found morals) because he has no guidance, the only person that could call him out on his naivety is like Vi just this time excusing it passively. But damn is he entertaining when he's squirming when obviously doing something he doesn't feel comfortable with.

And after learning all those painful lessons, one lesson he has not yet internalised that was told to him by Vi is that prison punishment is bad actually, and he should think about the person on the other side of the bars and what it does to them. Well... let me say, every lesson in this show becomes real if not acted upon.

And then he fucking Jinxed his own plans. Unknowingly.

Could peace have been attained with Silco even if Jinx wasn't one of demands? NO, he couldn't control her. She nearly never did what he asks her to, all the things in Piltover were her own actions. So she would continue to wreak havoc anyway. Peace needs to account for Jinx basically.

These two poor sods. They so easily loose sight of their close to heart goals under external influences it's painful really.

Here's post on: Vi & Viktor / Systemic disempowerment & self-reliance

Caitlyn & Viktor / I’m true to my moral convictions so I’m secure in the outcome of my choices

Jayce & Caitlyn / Painful journey of naive well-meaning people

Jayce & Vi / Jinx - how two idiots snatched defeat out of the jaws of viktory

[sjweminem]

ok i'm gonna post what i already had saved so far of those self-indulgent vann thoughts i started at 5AM the other day when i couldn't fall sleep (the post of which i shared those pixelated screenshots) bc i wanna finish it up, like i know where i'm going with it and all that it's a finished thing in my head but..i feel shy about it and require encouragement. you need to water me you need to use your praise (no i have not re-read or proofread this at all no i will not do so in the future)

here you go 😳😳

so movie-wise at least (this is re: the movie ONLY) vann seems like someone who Does Not Fuck but purely bc he's PRETTY preoccupied with other activities. but he's not naive or anything and he knows how to use sexuality as a tool to get the attention & trust of somebody he feels like he's gotta kill for his weird moral purposes, but never follows thru with the act cuz he's got a much more. pressing goal, so over time his relationship with sex and intimacy as a concept has become intertwined with these contexts and has ceased to register as anything that can be enjoyed for its own sake.

but this is what sets the fun stage in that he'd just totally short-circuit should somebody manage to have him ACTUALLY lusting, VERY much to his surprise and confusion as it's no longer a familiar sensation, and his controlled, methodical thinking falters and he's just vulnerable as shit. READY for taking. empty brain blank slate ideal slut-to-be. highly twankifiable. especially once the hands finally get on him, got him pushed against the wall staring deer-in-the-headlights just a total GONER as one creeps up his shirt to feel him up skin-on-skin and another slides down the back pocket of his pants to squeeze his ass what the HELL is going on it never gets THIS far no keep going though by the way my name's vann,,

so with that background established let's pull from the movie plot a little bit and imagine: you're the one from whom he ends up renting a room. it's all smooth and friendly you're not on his murder radar, you make sure to take real good care of him and he's comfortable and content with you and your home. you end up bonding even, he allows that to happen genuinely. BUT unbeknownst to him you know his little secret, you know what goes on when he leaves to drive around for days, know what's really in that flask he keeps around, but for whatever reason you don't give a shit about all that. it's fine he's very pretty, it's ok to let some things slide, who give a shit.

you keep that knowledge to yourself with the feeling that it could be useful one day, and you only confront him about it when you happen to find him doing his little potion-mixing on the bathroom sink in his twinky little shorts. he's caught way off guard and sputters out some excuse but you decide it would be more fun to reveal that you know exactly what he's been up to and see the look on that angel face. you tell him you know the very name of the chemical compound in that vial you've caught him with in-hand, that the asshole down the block didn't die in a drunken accident, but don't worry vann sweetheart nobody else does, nobody suspects a thing. you assure him you'd MUCH prefer to keep it that way- oh you make for such lovely company, such a doll, so polite, i would just hate to see you get taken away, et cetera et cetera.....

but this is still YOUR house after all, and he agreed to follow YOUR rules when he moved in. you remind him, and tell him that, most importantly, he's jeopardizing YOUR safety- if he gets sloppy and gets caught well, you're guilty of harboring a criminal then aren't you. you promise you won't say a thing, he's safe under your roof, and it will stay that way as long as he promises to be a good boy, to behave himself, if he wants to remain under that roof. visible relief washes over him and he totally doesn't blush at your tone and choice of words and especially not at the way you eye his mostly-naked body up and down in a deliberately slow manner.

[flufffysocks]

let's talk about andi mack's worldbuilding

sorry this took forever to make! i've been pretty busy with school stuff and i kind of lost my inspiration for a bit, but i ultimately really enjoyed writing it! i wish i could've included more pics (tumblr has a max of 10 per post), and it kinda turned from less of a mini analysis to more of an extremely long rant... but i hope it's still a fun read!

i've been rewatching the show over the past few weeks (thanks again to @disneymack for the link!), and i’ve been noticing a lot that i never did the first time around. this is really the first time i’ve watched the show from start to finish since it aired, and it honestly feels so different this time - probably a combination of the fact that i’m not as focused on plot and can appreciate the show as a whole, and also that the fandom is much, much smaller now, so there’s a lot less noise. so the way i’m consuming this show feels super different than it did the first time, but the show itself doesn’t - it’s just as warm and comforting to me as it was the first time around, if not more so.

i think a lot of that can be attributed to andi mack’s “worldbuilding”. i’m not quite sure that this is the right word in this context, to be honest, because i mostly see it used in reference to fantasy and sci-fi universes, but it just sort of feels right to me for andi mack, because you can really tell how much love and care went into constructing this universe. for clarity, worldbuilding is “the process of creating an imaginary world” in its simplest sense. there’s two main types: hard worldbuilding, which involves inventing entire universes, languages, people, cultures, places, foods, etc. from scratch (think “lord of the rings” or “dune”), and soft worldbuilding, in which the creators don’t explicitly state or explain much about the fictional universe, but rather let it’s nature reveal itself as the story progresses (think studio ghibli films). andi mack to me falls in the soft worldbuilding category. even though it takes place in a realistic fiction universe, there’s a lot of aspects to it that are inexplicably novel in really subtle ways.

so watching the show now, i’ve noticed that the worldbuilding comes primarily from two things - setting and props, and oftentimes the both of them in tandem (because a big part of setting in filmmaking does depend on the props placed in it!).

one of the most obvious examples is the spoon. it really is a sort of quintessential, tropic setting in that it's the main gang's "spot", which automatically gives it a warm and homey feel to it. and its set design only amplifies this:

the choice to make it a very traditional 50s-style diner creates a very nostalgic, retro feel to it, which is something that's really consistent throughout the show, as you'll see. from the round stools at the bar, to the booths, to the staff uniforms, this is very obvious. the thing that i found especially interesting about it though is the choice of color. the typical 50s diner is outfitted with metallic surfaces and red accented furnishings, but the spoon is very distinctly not this.

instead, it's dressed in vibrant teal and orange, giving it a very fresh and modern take on a classic look. so it still maintains that feeling of being funky and retro, but that doesn't retract from the fact that the show is set distinctly in modern times.

of course, this could just be a one-off quirky set piece, but this idea of modernizing and novelizing "retro" things is a really common motif throughout the show. take red rooster records. i mean, it's a record shop - need i say more? it's obviously a very prominent store in shadyside, at least for the main characters, but there's no apparent reason why it is (until season 2 when bowie starts working there, and jonah starts performing there). a lot of the time, though, it functions solely as a record shop. vinyl obviously isn't the most practical or convenient way of listening to music, but it's had its resurgence in pop culture even in the real world, mostly due to its aesthetic value, so it's safe to say that it serves the same purpose in the andi mack universe.

the fringe seems to be nostalgic of a different era, specifically the Y2K/early 2000s period (because it's meant to be bex's territory and symbolic of who she used to be, and its later transformation into cloud 10 is representative of her character arc, but that's beside the point). to be honest, exactly what this store was supposed to be always confused me. it was kind of a combination party store/clothing store/makeup store/beauty parlor? i think that's sort of the point of it though, it's supposed to feel very grunge-y and chaotic (within the confines of a relatively mellow-toned show, of course), and it's supposed to act as a sort of treasure chest of little curios that both make the place interesting and allow the characters to interact with it.

and, of course, there's andi shack. this is really the cherry on top of all of andi mack's sets, just because it's so distinctly andi. it serves such amazing narrative purpose for her (ex. the storyline where cece and ham were going to move - i really loved this because it highlights its place in the andi mack universe so well, and i'm a sucker for the paper cranes shot + i'm still salty that sadie's cranes didn't make it into the finale) and it's the perfect reflection of andi's character development because of how dynamic it is (the crafts and art supplies can get moved around or switched out, and there's always new creations visible).

going back to the nostalgia motif though, the "shack" aspect of it always struck me as very treehouse-like. personally, whenever i think of treehouses, there's this very golden sheen of childhood about it, if that makes sense. i've always seen treehouses in media as a sort of shelter for characters' youthful innocence and idealistic memories. for example, the episode "up a tree" from good luck charlie, the episode "treehouse" from modern family, and "to all the boys 2" all use a treehouse setting as a device to explore the character's desire to hold onto their perfect image of their childhood (side note: this exact theme is actually explored in andi mack in the episode "perfect day 2.0"!). andi shack is no exception to this, but it harnesses this childhood idealism in the same way that it captures the nostalgia of the 50s in the spoon, or the early 2000s in the fringe. it's not some image of a distant past being reflected through that setting; it's very present, and very alive, because it reflects andi as she is in the given moment.

some honorable mentions of more one-off settings include the ferris wheel (from "the snorpion"), the alley art gallery (from "a walker to remember"), SAVA, the color factory (from "it's a dilemna"), and my personal favorite, the cake shop (from "that syncing feeling").

[every time i watch this episode i want to eat those cakes so bad]

these settings have less of a distinctly nostalgic feel (especially the color factory, which is a very late 2010s, instagram era setting), but they all definitely have an aura of perfection about them. andi mack is all about bright, colorful visuals, and these settings really play to that, making the andi mack universe seem really fun and inviting, and frankly very instagrammable (literally so, when it comes to the color factory!).

props, on the other hand, are probably a much less obvious tool of worldbuilding. they definitely take up less space in the frame and are generally not as noticeable (i'm sure i'll have missed a bunch that will be great examples, but i'm kind of coming up with all of this off the top of my head), but they really tie everything together.

for example, bex's box, bex's polaroid, and the old tv at the mack apartment (the tv is usually only visible in the periphery of some shots, so you might not catch it at first glance) all complement that very retro aesthetic established through the settings (especially the polaroid and the tv, because there's really no good reason that the characters would otherwise be using these).

besides this, andi's artistic nature provides the perfect excuse for plenty of colorful, crafty props to amplify the visuals and the tone. obviously, as i discussed before, andi shack is the best example of this because it's filled with interesting props. but you also see bits of andi's (and other people's) crafts popping up throughout the show (ex. the tape on the fridge in the mack apartment, andi's and libby's headbands in "the new girls", walker's shoes, andi's phone case, and of course, the bracelet). not only does doing this really solidify this talent as an essential tenet of andi's character, but it also just makes the entirety of shadyside feel like an extension of andi shack. the whole town is a canvas for her crafts (or art, depending on how you want to look at it. i say it's both), and it immensely adds to shadyside's idealism. because who wouldn't want to live in a world made of andi mack's creations?

and, while it's not exactly a prop, the characters' wardrobe is undoubtedly a major influence on the show's worldbuilding. true to it's nature as a disney channel show, all of the characters are always dressed in exceptionally curated outfits of whatever the current trends are, making the show that much more visually appealing. i won't elaborate too much on this, because i could honestly write a whole other analysis on andi mack's fashion (my favorites are andi's and bex's outfits! and kudos to the costume designer(s) for creating such wonderful and in-character wardrobes!). but, i think it's a really really important aspect of how the show's universe is perceived, so it had to be touched upon.

[^ some of my favorite outfits from the show! i am so obsessed with andi's jacket in the finale, and i aspire to be at bex's level of being a leather jacket bisexual]

and lastly, phones. this is a bit of an interesting case (pun intended), because the way they're used fluctuates a bit throughout the show, but i definitely noticed that at least in the first season terri minsky tried to avoid using them altogether. these efforts at distancing from modern tech really grounds the show in it's idealist, nostalgia-heavy roots, so even when the characters start using their phones more later in the show, they don't alter the viewer's impression of the andi mack universe very much.

so, what does all of this have to do with worldbuilding? in andi mack's case, because it's set in a realistic universe and not a fantasy one, a lot of what sets it apart from the real world comes down to tone. because, as much as this world is based on our own, it really does feel separate from it, like an alternate reality that's just slightly more perfect than ours, which makes all the difference. it's the idealism in color and composition in andi mack's settings that makes it so unmistakably andi mack. even the weather is always sunny and perfect (which is incredibly ironic because the town is called shadyside - yes, i am very proud of that observation).

the andi mack universe resides somewhere in this perfect medium that makes it feel like a small town in the middle of nowhere (almost like hill valley in 1955 from "back to the future"), but at the same time like an enclave within a big city (because of its proximity to so many modern, unique, and honestly very classy looking establishments). it is, essentially, an unattainable dream land that tricks you into believing it is attainable because it's just real enough.

all this to say, andi mack does an amazing job of creating of polished, perfect world for its characters. this is pretty common among disney channel and nickelodeon shows, but because most other shows tend to be filmed in a studio with three-wall sets, andi mack is really set apart from them in that it automatically feels more real and tangible. it has its quintessential recurring locations, but it has far more of them (most disney/nick shows usually only have 3-4 recurring settings), and it has a lot more one-off locations. it's also a lot more considerate when it comes to its props, so rather than the show just looking garish and aggressively trendy, it has a distinctive style that's actually appropriate to the characters and the story. overall this creates the effect of expanding the universe, making shadyside feel like it really is a part of a wider world, rather than an artificial bubble. it's idealism is, first and foremost, grounded in reality, and that provides a basis for its brilliant, creative, and relatable storytelling.

tl;dr: andi mack's sets and props give it a very retro and nostalgic tone which makes its whole universe seem super perfect and i want to live there so bad!!

[bi-kisses]

I doubt you'll publish this (or you'll probably cut it again), since you publish only what supports your views and are not shy of manipulating information, but I still felt like clarifying a couple of things and answering your friends.

First of all, I didn't talk about my personal experiences, but the ones of people I knew. I really wish you were right and such things were just minor bad exceptions, "kink done wrong", but here we are.

"There are people who do bad things and call it "kink". You are saying that this makes ALL OF KINK BAD. You continually say that all of bdsm is used as an excuse for treatment of psychological problems, which again, I said "yeah that does happen and IS BAD and a LARGE PORTION of the kink community IS AGAINST THAT"

At first you were saying that this is "just some few bad exceptions and kink community already takes care of it". I wonder what has changed in a couple of days.

Also, adding my experience to your "shortcut"? Really? I guess it's good that more people will know about such stuff and probably someone will be spared of ending up in my situation. Although I think you should've stressed harder how not okay it is, right now it reads unclearly. I hope no one takes it as an instruction.

"Really Wonder what's anon's answer for people who gets off of someone's fear, vulnerabilities, pain or discomfort or by controlling their lives. "That's not good" is not really an answer. It's not like you can change it."

Yes, it's not like I or anyone can change them, but they totally can keep their urges to themselves and not hurt and violate others. All these talks on consent in kink very conveniently ignore coercion, emotional blackmailing ("I need this, if you love me you'll agree, it's not a big deal!" or "This is the only way I can have sex, you are basically raping me if you want something else" or "I'll leave you if you do not consent to this, so it's entirely your choice"), consent under duress. Also, that doesn't mean people should shut up and stop spreading information. The potential victims have the right to know what's going on under the abovementioned or "oh come on, it's just a cool normal thing, even Cosmo has articles on it, you just need to broaden your boundaries and you'll like it".

"As a bonus: Are you LGBT or otherwise an ally, anon? Because remember, LGBT people are killed in the streets for being “sexually deviant”. You would think we as a society would realize that demonizing people for sexual deviancy is bad now, but alas, we’re fucking stupid."

@shrimpmandan if your friend didn't cut off my first ask, you would know I'm a lesbian. Also, I'm from a country where not only the society is very homophobic, but also the government currently works against LGBT. So yeah, tell me about this lmao.

There's a difference between normalising being into people of your own sex and normalising stuff based on traumatic experiences and abuse which is used for more hurt and abuse.

Can't believe you are still sending me the same thing over and over and over and over

I think you are mistaking my wording of "it happens a lot" to meaning "not an exception to kink as a whole", which both can and do coexist.

You are still:

1) entirely ignoring the actual science causing people to act this way and enjoy kink

2) equating all kink with abusive behaviour

3) equating the enjoyment of kink with maladaptive trauma responses

4) pretending that kink is only a facade used for harm and not something that is safely enjoyed in the vast majority of practitioners

How does it read unclearly in my shortcut when I explicitly state something is bad? Is it because I said that kink isn't mental derangement and therefore I'm not being explicit in the way you want me to be?

I never EVER said people should "shut up and stop spreading information", I'm saying the exact opposite, where those experiences are important teaching tools for red flags and helping people out! I just also think those experiences aren't "anti kink" any more than teaching scuba diving safety is "anti diving".

I cut your asks because to be honest I've had near identical conversations over the past five years on this blog with equally unreasonable and overall blinded by bias individuals. I don't care about explaining every single bad experience anyone has ever had with anything doesn't somehow mean that thing is only ever bad and should be abolished. I shouldn't need to. But you're persistent and now the context of your multitude of asks is relevant, so here they are:

If you don't want your ask that you sent me on anon, forcing me to answer it publically if at all, to remain public through the other medium in which I respond to arguments, you're free to say so and I will remove it.

Perhaps DM me instead of repeating the same non arguments in lengthy posts I can't adequately summarize and are repetitive. I thought you'd get bored by now. I know I am.

[nerdythebard]

#13: Doctor Strange [Marvel]

By the Eternal Vishanti, I welcome you back!

Today we're making the Sorcerer Supreme of the Marvel Universe-616, Doctor Strange. This spell-slinging master of the mystic arts has been my favourite superhero for quite some time now, and I'm always excited whenever we get something related to him. Now, just a quick note – this build is going to be based on the comic book version of Strange, not the MCU one. We're having real spells and incantations, not some thinly-veiled Clarke's Third Law. #LetMagicBeMagic.

Next Time: The Gods call for us again. The Dragon King blesses us with his presence.

Now then, let's examine what we need to become the mightiest mystic of the Multiverse:

Arcane Artillery: Doctor Strange holds enough mystic knowledge to give Mind Flayers an indigestion. What he doesn't know, he can look up in his Sanctum Sanctorum's library. We need to be prepared to have a spell for almost any situation.

Mystic Fists of Fury: Before opening his Third Eye fully, Strange spent some time in Kamar-Taj under the tutelage of the Ancient One, practising his combat skills in case he was ever in a situation where magic would fail him.

The Old Favourites: Whatever incarnation of the character we encounter, Doctor Strange is almost always certain to have the following items on him: the Eye of Agamotto, the Cloak of Levitation, and occasionally the Book of the Vishanti. After the Last Days of Magic event, Strange found a likeness for weapons like shortswords, staffs, and axes.

---

Stephen Strange was an ordinary human, but due to the years of exposure to otherworldly mystic forces, his biology changed to not accept regular human food anymore. This sounds like a good excuse to make him Variant Human. We get a +1 to two abilities of our choice (Intelligence and Constitution), we know how to speak Common and one other language of our choice, we get to pick one skill to be proficient in (Investigation), and we get to pick a feat. The Medic feat gives us a +1 to Wisdom, proficiency with the Medicine skill, and the ability to tend to our party members' wounds on short rests (Medicine check [DC 15], if successful - the player can use the maximum value of their Hit Dice to regain Hit Points).

Although he started as a simple physician, the turning point of Strange's life was his training in Kamar-Taj. He gained skills and knowledge, vast enough to call himself a Sage. From this background, we gain proficiency in Arcana and History, we learn two more languages, and we gain the Researcher feature; when we're to recall a piece of lore, and we don't know it, we usually can figure out where to find the information (be it a library, a temple, or somebody's private collection).

ABILITY SCORES

Intelligence is our primary stat, serving as our casting ability and our pride. Next is Constitution, all casters need to keep it high. We follow that up with Wisdom, lessons of the Ancient One granted us both humility and broadened our horizons.

Dexterity is a little low, but we'll take care of that later. Charisma is next, even after his training was complete Stephen can be a bit of a jerk and refusing to hear anyone but himself. Finally, we'll dump Strength.

CLASS

Assigning a D&D class to Doctor Strange was a very (and I mean very) difficult task. Starting off, I had to disregard his Sorcerer Supreme title, because in D&D sorcerers are born with the ability to wield magic. Strange had to study and practice to get his powers, so that makes him a Wizard. Kamar-Taj is also dedicated to studying the teachings of the Vishanti, a trinity of god-like beings who give the Sorcerer Supreme their powers, so that would make Strange a Cleric. Finally, he also draws powers from deals he made with otherworldly entities (such as Cyttorak, the Faltine, Munnopor, Watoomb, sometimes even Dormammu himself), which screams 'Warlock', except there's no way to incorporate multiple patrons without homebrewing. It wasn't easy, but I am satisfied with what I've created. Hopefully, you'll be, too.

Level 1 - Monk: We start just as Strange started, by honing our body first. Monks get the d8 Hit Dice, [8 + Constitution modifier] initial Hit Points, proficiencies with simple weapons and shortswords, and proficiency in one set of artisan's tools or a musical instrument (I'd go with alchemist's supplies). Our saving throws are Strength and Dexterity, and we get to pick two class skills (Insight and Religion).

Monks start with Unarmoured Defence. When we're not wearing armour, or holding a shield, our AC equals [10 + our Dexterity modifier + our Wisdom modifier]. We also get Martial Arts, which gives our unarmed strikes some more power. We can now use Dexterity instead of Strength for our unarmed strikes attack and damage rolls, we replace our Strength modifier with a d4 for damage of our unarmed strikes, and if we use the unarmed strike (or a monk weapon) on our turn as an Attack, we can use a bonus action to make an extra unarmed strike.

Level 2 - Monk: We get more mobile with Unarmoured Movement. Our ground speed increases by 10 feet if we're not wearing armour or holding a shield.

We also get access to the Monk's signature feature, the Ki energy. We start with 2 Ki Points, which we can spend on the following abilities:

Flurry of Blows: Spending 1 Ki Point after making an attack, lets us make two unarmed strikes as a bonus action;

Patient Defence: Spending 1 Ki Point lets us take a Dodge action as a bonus action on our turn;

Step of the Wind: Spending 1 Ki Point doubles our jump distance for the turn, and we can take the Dash or Disengage actions as a bonus action.

Level 3 - Wizard: We finally begin our study of spells and arcane arts.

Unfortunately, multiclassing into Wizard does not give us any additional benefits. We do, however, get Arcane Recovery. Once per day, during a short rest, we can choose a number of expended spell slots and refill them. The number must be equal to half of our Wizard level (rounded up), and the recovered spell slots cannot be 6th-level or higher.

Wizards also start with Spellcasting at their 1st level, and they know both cantrips and ritual spells. Our spellcasting ability is Intelligence, but unlike many other casting classes we do not get a full access to our spell list. Instead, we start with six spells in our spellbook and get two more each time we level up. Then, we can only prepare and use [Our Intelligence modifier + our Wizard level] spells at once. Describing all of those spells we pick would make this post over a mile long, and I've made that mistake with Sypha. To not make this a chore for you guys, I decided that from now on whenever I make a Wizard (or, a build where Wizard is a majority), I will simply list the spells we pick without descriptions. Let's be honest, if not here, you'll certainly find those in a different build. Alright, let's begin! First, we get to pick three cantrips:

Fire Bolt

Mage Hand

Minor Illusion

When it comes to our starting spells, let's take these six. Remember, we can only prepare a certain number, and we start with only two 1st-level spell slots.

Alarm

Detect Magic

Fog Cloud (to represent the Mists of Munnopor from the comics)

Shield (of the Seraphim)

Magic Missile (as a stand-in for the Daggers of Daveroth)

Sleep

Level 4 - Wizard: We get to pick our subclass, our Arcane Tradition. For Strange, who can be any combination of Wizard, Cleric, and Warlock, the best choice is to pick Theurgy from 2017 Unearthed Arcana. Theurgists are religious magic-users, who focus more on the arcane research rather than prayer and worship.

With Divine Inspiration, we get to select a Cleric Domain and a deity we wish to follow. Ask your DM if it's possible for you to worship three gods as a collective, a magical triumvirate. For your own Vishanti I suggest Mystra, Mother of All Magic, Azuth, the Lord of Spells, and Savras, the All-Seeing. For a Wizard, I'd say there's no better choice than Knowledge Domain.

We also get Arcane Initiate, which lets us replace spells we learn as we level up with the cleric spells of our chosen domain. What's cool about that feature is, other wizards cannot copy those spells from our spellbook. If we get all of our chosen domain's spells, we can keep replacing spells we learn with spells from the Cleric spell list.

Finally, we gain the Cleric's unique skill - Channel Divinity - except in our case it becomes Channel Arcana. We start with two effects: Divine Arcana and the effect granted by the chosen domain. Unlike Clerics, we can use the Channel Arcana once per short or long rest.

Divine Arcana lets us use a bonus action to control the flow of magic in the area. The next spell we cast gets a +2 to its attack roll or saving throw DC.

Knowledge of the Ages grants us quick insight into a skill we're not familiar with. For the next 10 minutes, we're proficient with one tool set of our choice or proficient in one skill we choose.

We gain one more 1st-level spell slot, and for this level's two spells let's get Feather Fall, and Command from the domain list.

Level 5 - Wizard: At this level we unlock 2nd-level spell slots, and we can access 2nd-level spells. Let's get Hold Person (for Strange's famous Crimson Bands of Cyttorak) and Icingdeath's Frost from 2021 Unearthed Arcana: Draconic Options (for the Icy Tendrils of Ikthalon).

Level 6 - Wizard: Time for our first Ability Score Improvement! As is the rule of thumb with all Wizards, boosting our Intelligence is a priority. That's what we shall put the 2 points into.

For this level's spells, we get another cantrip (Light), and let's take Locate Object and Mirror Image (to represent the Images of Ikonn).

Level 7 - Wizard: We unlock 3rd-level spell slots. Let's get Dispel Magic, and we can get Fly to finally get a representation for our Cloak of Levitation.

Level 8 - Wizard: We get our first subclass upgrade. Arcane Acolyte grants us the 1st-level benefits of our chosen domain. For Knowledge domain, it's Blessings of Knowledge; we learn two languages of our choice and get proficiency in two skills... which we pretty much are proficient in already. To not waste a feature, ask your DM if you can double your proficiency bonus for those two skills instead. If you get a 'yes', pick Arcana and Insight.

For this level's spells, let's get Counterspell and Magic Circle.

Level 9 - Wizard: From here, we get access to 4th-level spell slots. Banishment and Dimension Door seems like exactly what we need to keep enemies at bay and have fun with portals.

Level 10 - Wizard: Halfway through the build, and we get an ASI. Let's cap our Intelligence at 20, with those two points.

For this level's spells, let's grab Arcane Eye and turn back a little and get Speak with Dead from our domain list, as it is one of few spells not available to Wizards.

Level 11 - Wizard: We get access to 5th-level spells. With Contact Other Plane and Legend Lore, we become an even bigger magical know-it-all to aid our party.

Level 12 - Wizard: For our subclass upgrade, we get Arcane Priest, which grants us the Knowledge Domain's 6th-level benefit - Channel Divinity: Read Thoughts. One creature within 60 feet of us must make a Wisdom saving throw, or grant us access to its surface thoughts (emotions and active thoughts, no deep secrets or hidden motives) for 1 minute. During that time, we can also use our action to cast the Suggestion spell on the target; they fail their saving throw automatically.

We also get our final cantrip for this build (Sword Burst), and we get two more 5th-level spells: Planar Binding and Wall of Force.

Level 13 - Wizard: We unlock 6th-level spells. With Globe of Invulnerability and True Seeing, we upgrade our Shield of the Seraphim and give our Eye of Agamotto even more mystic abilities (as it should have had!)

Level 14 - Wizard: Time for another ASI! Let's put one point into Constitution for better HP chance, and one into Dexterity.

Arcane Gate finally gives us a proper yellow sparkly portal thingy, and let's get Chain Lightning for some much needed offensive capabilities.

Level 15 - Wizard: We're getting into 7th-level spells at this level. Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion allows us to recreate our very own Sanctum Sanctorum, and with Project Image we can get Strange's Astral Projection.

Level 16 - Wizard: At this level, we get our final subclass upgrade (and we cross the 100 HP mark, yay!). Arcane High Priest grants us the Knowledge Domain's 17th-level benefits. Visions of the Past lets us spend at least 1 minute of meditation to receive information about a specific object we're holding, or our immediate surroundings:

Object Reading - we learn of the object's previous owner. We know how the person came into contact with the object, how they lost it, and a significant even in their life tied to the object.

Area Reading - we see the events that transpired in the specific location (up to 50-foot cube), going back a number of days equal to our Wisdom modifier.

For this level's spells, let's get Plane Shift and Teleport to double-down on Strange's interdimensional travels.

Level 17 - Wizard: Time for 8th-level spells.

Illusory Dragon is a nice nod to the great "Doctor Strange and the Sorcerers Supreme" series (go check it out, it's awesome!), and Maze is another good banishment-type spell to have. Just don't use it on minotaurs.

Level 18 - Wizard: For our final ASI, let's put two points into Dexterity, leaving us unfortunately with an odd number (hopefully, you'll manage to find some ability-increasing item or benefit in your adventure).

For this level's spells, let's grab Power Word: Stun and Demiplane is a good combo to immobilize a foe and send it to the Shadow Realm Mirror Dimension.

Level 19 - Wizard: We unlock the pinnacle of D&D arcane, the 9th-level spells... that is, unless your DM introduces High Magic, which is... whew, a league of its own.

Time Stop and Foresight give us those Time Stone abilities (for all you MCU degenerates. Yes, I know what I said, but Strange was given the Time Stone in his new run, so I did not lie!)

Level 20 - Wizard: Our capstone is Wizard 18, which gives us the Spell Mastery feature. We get to choose one 1st-level spell and one 2nd-level spell from our spellbook and make them our signature moves; we can now cast them at will, without expending a spell slot. Shield and Hold Person seems like a good choice here.

For our final spells of this build, we cannot go without Astral Projection, and let's get Imprisonment a chance.

---

And there we go! Doctor Strange, Master of the Mystic Arts. Let's see what we've created:

First of all, we're the epitome of Wizard, we're a great utility caster and a pretty good support, with Internet-like capability of finding information. We're don't have a lot of damage-dealing abilities, like Sypha did, but remember - Wizards also get spell by finding them in the world and copying them in their spellbook. This here is only what we get automatically. Go and roam the world in search for that Fireball!

We have AC of 14, but with Shield (and later making it pretty much permanent) it can get up to 19, and we have 130 Hit Points on average. Our speed is also a little better, with 40 feet of movement (plus flying thanks to the Fly spell).

Unfortunately, our Charisma and Wisdom are not great, so those saving throws might be difficult. Our Strength is also not the greatest, so we're pretty much forced to fight with magic.

---

And that is it! Next time, we return to SMITE for a few builds, as I absorbs information about Fire Emblem: Three Heroes. Also, the game devs just released a teaser for Morgana le Fay, and my first reaction was 'Hexblade Warlock'. Do you agree?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed it and your day is going great. I'll see you next time!

- Nerdy out!

[skyler10fic]

visible

Excluding the point that rainbow capitalism sucks, and remembering that queer artists and creators also sell rainbow/flag-themed stuff, I'm really feeling suspicious of the trend away from Pride gear into "queer aesthetic" fashion.

Every time I hear someone say wearing rainbows is only something allies or "freshmen" do, I think of the moving goalposts of qualifying as queer enough. That's rough as a nerdy aro ace. Beyond our rings, which are not widely known, there's not a specific way to "look ace" or "look aro." Being visibly queer is often a gatekeeping excuse used against us. We don't qualify as part of the community, they say, in part because we don't stand out enough as obviously part of it, because we don't have the right aesthetic, or haircut, or obvious markers.

I've been outside of the cool fashion aesthetic all of my life. Not by choice per se as just not having any idea of what it is at a given time. So to me, to claim a nebulous aesthetic is real queerness and obviousness is not reeks of being a tool of heteronormativity and capitalism just as much as any shirt with a flag on it. Just because you're using the same tools in a different configuration doesn't make it any less a tool of a profitable elitist industry than those who enforce the same qualifications for straightness. What does it mean to "look gay" or "look queer" or "look bi or pan" or "look ace or aro"? That will change with everyone you ask, and none of them will be a fully picture of us because stereotypes are stereotypes, and because they are set by the same industry selling us norms of other kinds, they most often reinforce or center what we are trying to get away from: a narrow definition of the community as skinny, vaguely femme, abled, white, middle class, 20-something.

Our colors mean something. And not just the meanings of the stripes, but how bold they are, how undeniable. It's not about an undefined in and out, hot or not aesthetic for a reason. It's shining and radiant, it's bright and visible, it's joyful and defiant.

Because they tried to erase us, to hide us, to stamp out our light.

Maybe a different style works for you. That's great. Maybe to you, the queer aesthetic of the year, whatever it is, captures that. I'm not dismissing that. Just that what is recognizable and accessible as uniquely us, regardless of anything dividing us, is our colors. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose a clear symbolism, a universal way to see each other and know and feel that delight and belonging. The fear and courage and pride of wearing it openly, without doubt about the statement it is making.

I don't know what qualifies as queer enough from season to season, as fashions change and are nebulous depending on who you look to for authority and trend-setting. I don't live in New York. I live in a small town too far from LA to know what's going to earn my ticket into acceptance. Not everyone has access to queer culture and influencer budgets and a supernatural sense of the art of the aesthetic.

And maybe some of us are just queer that way. Outsiders, tragically uncool, awkward and not very good at fitting in the right way, wondering what our place is in the world when everyone else seems to have fit the norm or found their crowd or have the missing pieces we don't. So call it camp or nerdy or pitiable or overenthusiastic. Call it obvious or gaudy or cliché. Those aren't new words for us.

But I'll still be here, heart swelling with pride, at my flags and my rainbows and the brightest colors, no longer hiding, my pulse racing as I step into the sun.

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

Summary: Winry sat in the optimal place to study in the school cafe for the entire fall semester. Then spring came, and suddenly some self-entitled twit who dressed like off-brand Gerard Way decided it was his territory. He was so not going to get off easy.

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.8k words of coffee shop/college AU with a side of enemies to almost-lovers

A/N: It's finals week, I posted this on Ao3 at almost 5am, and if the rest of the sentence didn't make it obvious, I'm writing from unfortunate experience. Not beta-ed or proofread, although I happened to see one thing to fix when I woke up this morning. Feel my raw power. Rawr.

It wasn't that big a deal.

It kind of really was, though.

Every Thursday morning during the fall semester, Winry sat in the same spot at the same school coffee shop. It was the spot sent by the entire patron pantheon of cram papers. Maybe one person didn't need an entire booth, but it was in the corner, and the tops of the bench seats had opaque plastic barriers that just so happened to be perfect for minimizing excess visual chaos. For the most part, there weren't loud conversations, and the jazz music that came through the speakers helped her tune out people ordering coffee. Add to that the fact that she could use campus flex dollars and not her own bank account that was begging for mercy, and it was the perfect spot to get papers done.

But apparently not this spring.

As soon as Winry walked in, she noticed him in the corner. Some emo wannabe guy on his computer. Probably on Reddit complaining about how women didn't appreciate the amazing pics he sent them on Tinder. Or at least, it was a fair guess based on the sour look on his face. Why did this guy of all people have to steal the holy grail spot? Ugh. She was still gonna get her coffee, darn it.

"You know the deal, Sciezska. Medium roast with a shot of espresso and vanilla creamer."

"On it! You paying in flex?"

"Yeah." She scanned her student ID and lowered her voice. "Who's off-brand Gerard Way in the corner?"

"Who's Ger—"

"The punk kid."

"Ohhh. I can try to get his number for you, if you want."

"No, he looks like a total tool! And not the kind I like dealing with!"

"Which means you think he's hot. I didn't think you were into that type, but you're not wrong."

"For the last time, no, Sciezska! He took my spot! And I'm trying very, very hard to keep this to a stage whisper, but if you keep trying to set me up with some random creep, I won't be able to!"

A distinctly male voice grumbled, "I'm not a creep."

"Keep telling that to the girls on Tinder. I'm sure they'll understand eventually."

"Yeah, and I'll bet if you look at your 'Live, Laugh, Love' sign a little more, you'll understand it eventually." He mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that, Mr. Nice Guy?"

"Lay off, it's eight in the morning. I said the only reason I even have a Tinder account is because my roommate stole my phone while I was going to the bathroom."

"Well, if you didn't want it, why didn't you delete it?"

"Eh, I figured if I really got sick of being single one day, it'd already be there."

"Never would have guessed you were single," Winry said dryly.

"Come on, it's way too early to be rubbing that kind of crap in. Who says I'm not fine with being single anyway?"

Sciezska timidly spoke up. "Medium roast with espresso and vanilla creamer?"

Winry thanked her as red jacket boy continued. "'Edward Elric, Bachelor.' Almost sounds as good as 'Edward Elric, Bachelor of Science.'"

"B.S. degree. Sounds about right."

"About time you stopped acting like I'm an idiot!"

Winry snorted. "That's not what I meant."

"Hey!"

"And with that, I'm going to go find some other spot to write my paper."

Edward, as his name apparently was, scoffed and mumbled something that sounded like "good riddance". Maybe the librarians wouldn't get on her case too much for bringing in coffee.

-----

A week later, Winry walked into the cafe, assuming the circumstances of the previous week were an anomaly. They were not.

"Medium roast with a shot of espresso and vanilla creamer," she grumbled and sulked in the direction of the corner seat.

"Hey, don't start with me again, blondie. I've had a whopping four hours of sleep and I can't promise you'll like what comes out of my mouth."

"We're at a coffee shop. Get some coffee. I can't help it if you're too hung over to be polite."

"Now look, genius. I did not stay up until 4 A.M. working on a stupid chem paper for that sadistic pyromaniac excuse for a professor just for some random chick to accuse me of being hung over."

"Oh."

"Yeah. And for your information, coffee doesn't really help me wake up. It just helps me focus on homework." He lifted up his empty cup and gave it a shake.

"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard."

"ADHD is a weird thing, and yet, here I am."

"Huh, interesting."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pick up where I left off with the same stupid ten page paper I started last night."

"Oh right. Sure," Winry stammered. "Listen, I'm really sorry I just assumed things about you. It was wrong of me, and I'd like to make it up to you, if that's okay."

Edward eyed her suspiciously. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well...I could look over your paper once you're done writing it? I've got a paper of my own to write while I'm waiting, and I can sit right across the table here so you don't have to come get me. I won't try to talk to you or anything. Neither of us need that kind of distraction."

"Alright, alright. Get your coffee and sit down. The girl at the counter's been up there waiting for a good minute or two while you've been at confessional over here."

"Wait, she has?" Winry's eyes widened, and Edward laughed at her expense. He was kind of attractive when he wasn't scowling...wait what? She pouted and got up to retrieve her coffee. When Winry returned, she plopped down on the bench opposite Edward and opened her laptop. Peeking out from behind it, she added, "By the way, I'm Winry. I figured you ought to at least know the name of the person who's proofreading your paper."

"Well, Winry, you're the one who volunteered." The corners of his mouth twitched upward. The two worked on their assignments in silence, occasionally speaking up when necessary.

-----

Edward was in the corner again the next week as well.

"Hey, Edward! Mind if I join you for homework again?"

"Normally, I'd say no, but you didn't bother me too much last week, so you might as well." He turned away slightly.

"Great! Have you gotten your coffee yet? I didn't see a cup, and you got something the last two times."

"Eh, I haven't been here long. If you're going up and getting yours, would you mind ordering a caramel macchiato for me?" He asked, sliding his ID across the table.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll be back in a sec."

She returned and slipped his ID back before pulling out her computer. "Do you have anything for me to look over this time?"

"Not this week. But if you have anything you need looked over, I can do that, too."

"Actually, I do, if you wouldn't mind."

"Winry, I just volunteered. Just send the paper to my school email. Mine's 'elricedwa'," he instructed as he proceeded to spell it.

"Medium roast and a caramel macchiato?" Sciezska called out.

"Coming!" Winry replied and turned to Edward. "I just sent it, so you should be able to start while I'm getting our stuff." Eyes glued to his laptop, Edward gave a thumbs up.

Once she returned with their drinks, Winry sat down and wordlessly set Edward's drink next to him.

"Thanks," he muttered distantly. His lips mirrored the words he was reading. Though his lips weren't plump by any stretch of the imagination, they were shapely. His steely concentration made the air leave Winry's lungs. To top it all off, the first rays of sunlight came through the window just right, hitting Edward's hair in a way that made it positively glow.

What was she thinking? Those were only the sorts of things people thought when they had a crush. She'd only had two positive interactions with him, including this one. ...well, maybe it was a crush. She could certainly do worse than someone with a questionable fashion sense. After all, he worked hard, and he got good grades, if the quality of his writing was any indication. Okay, fine. He was also drop dead gorgeous, if you could see past his clothing choices. Yeah, she had a crush.

"Did you hear anything I just said?"

"...no."

"Figures. I finished reading your paper. It's not bad, I just left a few suggestions for sentence structure. Now I am going to enjoy my caramel macchiato." He took off the lid and breathed in the steam with his eyes closed, nearly drooping into the cup in content. When he opened his eyes slowly, Winry was awestruck by the similarity between the color of his eyes and his drink.

"What?" Edward furrowed his eyebrows.

"Nothing. I didn't say anything. At all. Nope."

"Okay." He shrugged. She reopened the document and went through his suggested edits. Gnawing her lip in concentration, she leaned forward a bit to settle in and tackle the editing.

"...hey, uh, Winry?" Edward gulped. "Are you going to drink your coffee?"

"Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot. Thanks, Edward!" she smiled.

"No–no problem. And you can call me Ed, you know. Most people do. Except for that excuse for a professor that calls me pipsqueak. Can you believe he's my advisor? I mean, come on, I'm a grown man. I'm not that short."

Winry made a poor attempt at containing her laughter. "Okay then, Ed. Prove it. Stand up."

"Fine." He slid out of the booth and stood. Winry followed suit and appraised their respective heights.

"Well, I'd hardly call you tall, but you're at least taller than me by a few inches, for whatever that's worth."

Edward grinned as if he had won some sort of prize. "Time for shorties to sit down now!"

"Watch it now. You're not too far from that label yourself, mister."

They both returned to their positions in the booth and worked steadily for the next hour. At the end of that time, Winry closed her laptop. "Ed, are you okay? You seem distracted."

"ADHD. I'm always distracted," he dismissed.

"No, like, are you sick or something? You did get more than four hours of sleep this time, right?"

"No comment." Ed's mouth twitched. He mumbled barely loud enough to hear, "Wouldn't have mattered anyway."

"Are you sure? If you're not feeling well, I can drive you over to the health center."

"N-no. That's not it." He exhaled, then slid a napkin across the table. His hands trembled slightly. "Anyway, here's my number. In case you need me to look over a paper. Or whatever. I've got a class soon."

Winry blushed, but tucked the napkin in her laptop. "Thanks, Ed. See you next week?"

"Yeah. Next week."

-----

Winry: This goes with your major, right?

Edward: Blocked

[kidmachinate]

Don't Forget To Cast Cure

(The following could be potentially triggering if you find yourself with the same thoughts you can't seem to get out of your head. If this is familiar, know you are not alone)

Scenario One:

Every choice has consequences. One's response to you reacting to a choice that affected you, is not abuse, regardless of how the tale is spun. You were triggered...and them focusing on your reaction is an attempt to redirect focus away from them and onto you. Reactive abuse is a narcissistic tool.

"YOU did wrong. NOT ME!"

Cut out the start of the scenario and focus only on what you did after the fact. This messes with you mentally and can have lasting effects on your mental state into the future.

Scenario Two:

Needing to always do as you're told or you're gonna hear it. This will come in the form of a scolding or a punishment. It was usually more the former, but that too can mess with you. It doesn't matter if the job was done right in the customer's eyes. It wasn't done the way it was stated.

(Breaking away from all this is work I can't continue without help. I also can't continue to make excuses as to why I'm not getting the help clearly needed)

****************************************************

Now that the stage is set, lets focus on the healing journey. A process that never ends. Sometimes you have to cast cure on yourself in order to continue to cure others. You have to. If you die you're of no use to anyone. To endure the struggles out there, we must embrace more positive environments and/or whatever form of medication and/or therapy helps balance things out. For me, I think there is a need for more than just a rebalancing. Healthy boundaries are required. Saying no unapologetically AND with no explanation. Without this, you just do whatever for anyone anytime. A defense because you always feel you will get in trouble if you don't. That's nonsense. You don't owe that to people. Heck once you hit adulthood, especially if you're no longer under your parent's roof, you don't even owe it to them. My overall state of hypervigilance is getting out of control while attempting to comb through toxic scenarios to find where there is space for air. To breathe.

I don't like giving up but sometimes walking is the best thing to do...but not yet. I'm going back on the path to seeking help to address my state of mind. If I still feel I have to leave some people, some communities, communicate less with some, whatever it may be, I will. Being nice to others comes naturally. It won't be for everyone. Be careful with strangers or those unwilling to give even 10% when you're giving 100%. You're worth at least half and perhaps more in a time of need. Continuing on a path of give, give, give is a thankless job...like being a healer! You'll find yourself giving less and less and you can't operate on a drained battery. Resentment kicks in. You may never come back from that.

I believe anything is possible, but this strength can be a flaw. If you've no spoons left to give, it's over. Just be sure to have the strength to continue.