#I'm so confused this is so upsetting. if anything I'm the more unlikable idk why is it this way.

[buysomecheese]

I'm so confused by high schoolers wtf. Literally no one is every mean to me but my best friend has people telling them that other people hate them just randomly for no reason?? Makes no since we are basically the same-

[mixelation]

i went into the itasaku tag and there's a lot of art of them with minato. (if you just went WTF WHY? it's because in the big favorite character poll that happened semi recently, they're the top 3 favorite characters.) anyway obviously i started to go "hmmm could that ship WORK though"

here is what i have so far

itachi and sakura accidentally time travel directly into the middle of the third shinobi war. this forces an unlikely team-up thing for survival.

i think itachi is so committed to his villain bit he would rather fuck himself over royally than team up with sakura. sakura is SLIGHTLY more likely to play nice but still needs dire circumstances as motivation. so maybe: they end up immediately in enemy territory with their konoha headband (sakura) and uchiha eyes (itachi) and become immediate targets. suddenly sakura is like "hey i need you to kill everyone" and instead of doing that itachi coughs up blood. she can point him at enemies though and he'll genjutsu them and that works great. like this

so sakura is like "okay i need your help as a more experienced ninja for my own survival" bc yeah sakura is a badass, but she's never had to go on the run before or fight more than a handful of ninja at once. meanwhile itachi is breathing better than he has in years after one (1) session with sakura and suddenly a temporary team up seems like a great idea. like yes he wants sasuke to kill him but in order for that to happen he needs to live long enough to un-time travel himself.

however. neither of them have any idea what's happening. they get into stupid nerd fights over details of historical events. they cite publications at each other. frequently it turns out both of them are wrong. they also argue over whether or not they should seek help from konoha

sakura: you don't have to TELL the uchiha you murder them all in the future???? just use your fancy eyes to legitimize being an uchiha so they believe us!

itachi: (silent internal emoting)

meanwhile jiraiya has picked up on the most INSANE rumors of a tsunade impersonator smashing forests and mountains and shit. she may or may not have an even worse orochimaru impersonator with her. jiraiya sends minato to investigate.

there's a lot of fanboy debate over if minato could beat itachi in a fight. and for the purposes of this fic, i'm going to say: yes, yes he can. and it's incredibly upsetting for both itachi AND sakura

minato, to sakura, while sitting on itachi: okay so if you ARE an impersonator, your tsunade costume is really bad

sakura: (TERRIFIED SILENT SCREAMING?)

minato: but your jutsu impersonation is pretty spot on.....?

minato: (looks down between his knees at itachi) did you do that with your..... sharingan....... mr. uchiha bastard?

itachi: (has never been more confused in his life. he's never lost a fight this bad. he assumed losing a fight this bad would mean he'd die. he's not confused about being called a bastard though. that just happens.)

then idk. maybe they tell minato they're time travelers and he takes them back to jiraiya. the mood is very "minato is strong and hot and friendly. this is both sakura and itachi's type they didn't know they had. but also. help."

jiraiya: hmmm well, this one's obviously an uchiha, but YOU need to prove you're really tsunade-hime's apprentice. tell me...... what are her measurements

sakura: (pulverizes a boulder with her bare fist) does that answer your question or should i demonstrate on something else ( :

jiraiya: wow it's a mini-tsunade no further questions!!!!

i think i want minato to be in the 18-19 range so it's right around the time of itachi's birth. they decide itachi and sakura shouldn't go to konoha to reduce time travel shenanigans, such as accidentally preventing their own births. it seems like itachi would especially be at risk for butterfly effecting himself

sakura: (thoughtful expression)

itachi: no.

sakura: i don't say anything!

minato: ???? aren't you allies?

sakura: inside joke :) don't worry about it :)

so minato ends up their konoha proxy. he goes and researches un-time traveling them and then shows up and acts.... really charming? like when minato tells you everything will be okay, you believe him. and he's SMART and HANDSOME and once SETTLES AN ARGUMENT OVER WHERE THE RICE COUNTRY CAPITAL, WHICH MOVES ON AVERAGE EVERY THREE MONTHS DURING THE WAR, CURRENTLY IS. he's not even condescending that they're both wrong. itachi keeps thinking about him wrestling him down into submission and he doesn't know why. sakura is rethinking her personal definition of "dreamy"

sakura after minato leaves: this is SO upsetting. he's not even my type. i like dark and brooding.

itachi: what

sakura: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

and theeeen...... maybe they both get so sexually frustrated over minato they have sex with each other, idk don't worry about it

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for obsessing over a misunderstanding about my birthday?

This involves myself, my best friend M, her sister K, and K's best friend L. We're all early-twenties. I've known the three of them since high school. M is the person I'm closest to outside of family, and though I've never been close to K or L, we've been hanging out more during this summer. They're fun to be around.

My birthday is coming up soon, so I put the three of them in a group chat to come up with plans. Everyone was making suggestions and things were going fine until I suggested watching a movie. I said something like, "I think I wanna force y'all to watch a movie. Idk what, it's gotta be niche." (I was exaggerating; I do that. I probably would have picked a Disney cartoon.) M was against the movie idea and said she'd rather have a game night. I said that it is my birthday, and she can sit through a movie she wouldn't pick for one night. It's not something I'd normally ask her to do. She still disagreed. I asked why she thought I'd pick something everyone else would hate? M pointed to my use of the word "force," saying she'd taken me literally. I asked why (and how) would I do that? She couldn't answer, and eventually I let it go and apologized for harping on it the next day.

A few days later, I gave the suggestion to go rollerskating, and all I got was an "okay" from M. I was getting left on read, so I asked everyone to give their opinions. M said it was my birthday; I should pick something to do and they'd go along with it. I was a bit upset by this since I didn't know what to do; that's why I was asking for opinions. Since everyone was apparently down for anything, I suggested a movie again. This time, M was fine with it, and we began discussing details. I suggested listing a few movies and having everyone vote for what we'd watch. M said I should just choose a movie.

I expressed confusion about M's sudden turnaround about the movie idea. M said her issue wasn't with watching a movie, but my use of the word "force." I said I was still confused about what her problem was with that. She said she'd taken me literally. I expressed confusion again. She sent a screenshot for the definition of the word "force" and highlighted words like "coerced" and "against their will." She also added that my birthday was going to be awkward if we couldn't get past this. I asked how she could have taken my phrasing literally since that didn't make any sense, and she started getting very angry, saying if we couldn't drop it, she wouldn't be coming to my birthday since it was getting "ridiculous." I clarified that I wasn't arguing, I genuinely wanted to understand what made her think I'd literally force everyone to watch a movie. M left the group chat. I was, and still am, perplexed.

I asked K and L for their opinions since they'd stayed silent. K implied that M was being stubborn and that M just wished I'd worded it differently, but that doesn’t line up with how she was acting. I just can't wrap my head around it all. It sounds silly to say my best friend since high school isn't talking to me or coming to my birthday because I worded something wrong. I know that I'm fixated on this conflict and beating it to death isn't going to help, but I want to understand her thought process. I must be missing something. Now I just want to forget my birthday, which is really sad and unlike me. The people I've told seem to be taking my side, but I want outside opinions. AITA? (Please be kind in the comments)

What are these acronyms?

[oleander-nin]

Idk if I already asked you this but could you do headcannons for how Mikey,Leo,Raph,and Donnie would react to begin told by draxum that they belonged to y/n before he stole and mutated them

(you could do separate or together Idc)

A/N, not important: Sorry it took so long, I've been busy and I'm currently quite sick. Also, just didn't really know how to go about this. Reader is at least 5 years older than the TMNT, or else it wouldn't make sense. So no romance in this one(don't know how I'd stick it in anyway.) I also kinda just, didn't know how to do this one? It was a special ask, I'll give you that anon. Sorry it's such sucky, I struggled. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

Tw: mentions of the turtles being pets, feelings of unease, emotions, idk what else

Words: 723

Summary: The ROTTMNT turtles find out they once belonged to you.

All:

Completely flabbergasted.

Not expecting this at all.

Confused.

Upset.

All the emotions.

You had told them about the four turtles you lost 13 years ago.

That’s why they all bonded with you, you all thought it was funny they were all the same species.

They saw you as another parental figure at this point. Or at least as an older sibling.

They also all felt very weird about this.

You technically owned them.

That didn’t really sit right with any of them.

Very much unhappy and confused turtles.

Mikey:

Very much upset

He really liked you, and he knew how sad you were when your turtles were stolen because you confided in him about it.

Knowing he was one of those turtles made him feel icky.

Wished Draxum never told him this.

In the back of his mind, he knows it’s not that deep

That everything’s still the same.

But he can’t help but feel sad about it.

Ends up buying you a new turtle to ‘replace’ him and his brothers.(After asking if he could of course. He doesn’t want to just bombard you with a new pet you don’t want or can’t take care of.)

Probably is the one to tell you the news as well, probably when giving you the turtle.

Feels weirded out by the situation, but is glad you’re understanding.

Drifts away from you a bit, not really knowing how to go about being near you for a while.

Donnie:

Despite the initial panic and unease he feels, Donnie’s mostly chill about it.

He knew he came from somewhere before all this, but he just wasn’t expecting to know he was stolen from you.

Never really brings it up to you.

In his mind, it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s no longer a pet, and he is his own person.

Everyone comes from somewhere, he just happens to come from the pet shop down the road you visit frequently.

Oh well, at least he now knows.

Tries to ignore it to the best of his ability, not wanting to acknowledge it much more than he has.

He ends up being a bit more distant for a while, mainly accidentally.

He just doesn’t know how to talk to you for a while knowing what he does.

Gets back to normal a bit more once he learns Mikey spilled the beans.

He just ignores that it happened and brushes it out of his mind to the best of his ability.

He has more important things to worry about, where he came from doesn’t matter.

Raph:

He thinks it’s weird, but is more on the chill side.

He has no idea how to feel about it, so he just…. Doesn’t.

He, like Donnie, ignores it.

Doesn’t bring it up, refuses to comment on it when asked, and changes the subject when prompted.

He doesn't distance himself from you at all unlike Donnie and Mikey.

He still enjoys hanging with you, and wouldn’t lose that for anything.

Especially not over something so stupid.

Probably forgets after a couple weeks honestly.

It just doesn’t matter to him at all.

He’s still the same Raph and he knew he was once a normal turtle, so why would it matter where he came from?

Is admittedly a bit disappointed he wasn’t some cool wild turtle before, but he gets over it quickly.

This is how he ended up, and this is how he’ll stay. 

Leo:

Straight up doesn’t believe Draxum.

One, why would he remember who they were stolen from?

Two, why would Draxum steal from a person instead of a breeder, or a pet shop?

It just didn’t make sense to Leo.

Either way, he didn’t care too much.

Even if they did belong to you at some point, and that was a big if in his mind, he thought it was hilarious.

If he gets to you before Mikey, he’s telling you through laughs and jokes.

Can not and will not take it seriously.

Finds it even more hilarious if it’s somehow proven to be true.

Constantly brings it up when you’re near.

Jokingly asks you to re-adopt them if he and his brothers ever get turned back into normal turtles.

All in all, after the initial shock wore off, he genuinely doesn't care and sees it more as a joke than anything.

[galaxynightmarre]

CONTEXT: me, Red/Otter (he/they), Giggles (he/they), and Red's dad

Giggles is the person that "adopted" me in college, so he's my father figure, and I call him dad.

Otter's dad irl is transphobic and homophobic I think (he sucks, we don't like him, and my subconscious understands this and runs with it)

Possible TW: homophobia, transphobia, stalking???

I ordered an Uber to my school bc there was some big event happening (it was like abig outdoor market and has alot of tents and booths to visit and buy from) and we (me, Otter, and Giggles) were meeting up and I was texting Otter and he said that he had to deal with something first. So I get there and I see Giggles (me and Otter were meeting up with them) so I go over and start talking to him then I get a call from Otter and when I answer I hear screaming in the background and then he say something like "so there's a little annoying problem" in a very annoyed voice. In the background, someone goes, "Are you calling me annoying?!?" And they just sigh and ignore the voice in the background. So I ask if everything is ok and he tells me "im still gonna come but the problem is that my dad is dropping me off and I told him that I'm gonna be with you for the day and now he wants to meet you" I'm like "isn't your dad homophobic and transphobic why does he wanna meet me?" And he says smt like "idk I just told him I'm hanging out with you and Giggles, and he said he just wants to meet you?" So we talk about it a bit more, and we had planned to go to the mall after the event, and they tell me that they're on the way. When he gets to the school he gets out the car and his dad starts talking to me and I'm just like "ok ig" but he's like "ok I'm gonna go park the car then meet up with yall" the confusion on our face was 100/10. Otter tells his dad that he was only supposed to drop him off, meet me, go home, and then pick him up later. His dad said that he doesn't trust us and we say that Giggles is gonna he there and he's ancient (hes not actually hes just older than us and i make fun of him for it lol.) And his dad says "listen maybe you guys won't do anything wrong but you guys are... ya know....💅" AND IM JUST LIKE HELLO?!? Then he drives off, and we just stand there in shock just like wtf just happened. So we eventually just walk away, and since our hair is very vibrant and noticeable (mine blue, his red), we buy some beanies, try to dodge his dad, and just have fun anyway. Eventually, Giggles sees his dad and tries to distract him while we run away. Otter remembers that he has an extra car key, and so we decide to just take the car and go to the mall instead and explain to Giggles later. When we get to the car his dad is waiting there for us and we make up some excuse that we both got distracted and wandered off on accident and he makes some off hand comment about us being gay and up to smt but we just ignore it and get in the car and just try to ignore him while we watch YouTube in the backseat. We get to the mall and we all get out and he tells us to go ahead without him bc he has to meet up with someone so we go inside but watch him bc Otter says that's unlike him and it's weird for him to do that. So we watch as someone walks up to him, and they start whispering to each other. He gives his dad some kind of package and his dad starts to walk towards us again and we run away and go somewhere upstairs and now we're trying to figure out what's in the package and what his dad was doing. Another time skip (wasn't actually a time skip there was just alot of us walking around the mall and hanging out that's irrelevant) and it's time for us to leave so we say our goodbyes they get in the car then his dad offers to drop me off at home and in my head I'm just like "I don't want this guy knowing where I live ngl" so I just try to tell him no but apparently he doesn't know what consent is and basically insists then i get a ride and Otter tries to tell him to let it go but he gets genuinely upset and starts yelling at me to get in the car. So I get in the car, and we're both sitting in the back exchanging looks, and he just starts driving towards my house, not even asking for directions or my address. Then Otter asks where we're going, and then I wake up. END.

Fun fact: me and Otter have talked about our dads before, but I've never seen/met his dad and vice versa, but my dream just decided, "He looks like this now"

[ikwhatyouaremikewheeler]

You belong with me: Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson

Summary: Eddie finds Steve after he and Nancy broke up. So naturally he comforts him.

But after a few months; how do they feel about one another?

Note: yes this is after the Taylor Swift song, no the lyrics aren't accurate. This is an idea I had at 2:00 am last night, Enjoy!

Warning: Arguments, mentions of drinking, some angst idk?? A small spoiler for season 4, timeline doesn't make sense. And Typical period homophobia

'You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset. She's going off about something that you said. she doesn't understand your humor like I do.'

There were hushed whispers from one of the bathrooms, where Steve and Nancy were talking; with the infamous 'Its bullshit' speech. "Wait—wait. You.. don't love me?" Was all Steve could seem to say, he was shocked, of course they had only been together for a year, but the fact that Nancy said they had to 'Act like they were in love' stung. He did love Nancy, he was in love with her. He didn't have to pretend. "It's bullshit." Was all she had said, before she opened the door and walked out, disappearing into the ever growing crowd, leaving Steve alone in the bathroom.

'Im in my room, it's a typical Tuesday night, I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like. And she'll never know you're story like I do.'

Eddie walked into the bathroom, mainly to just be alone. There were too many people for his liking, not that he'd talk to them anyway. Stopping in the doorway infront of the ever do popular Steve Harrington, eyes red and puffy from crying, his face burning red. "Jesus Harrington, what happened to you? Did your keg record get beaten or something?" He was obviously joking, trying to make him at least feel a little better, maybe crack a smile. Which didn't end up working.

"it's stupid.. and nothing you need to know about so- y'know fuck off" Eddie shrugged and turned on his heel, before turning back around to close the door, Leaning onto the Sink counter. He hadn't ever talked to Steve before, but hey, he looked upset and really drunk. So why not? He could at least try to help "Okay but honestly, did you get to drunk or something? Or did something happen with Wheeler? I mean I saw her run off with- the byers dude" Steve's head whipped up, quickly wiping his eyes and trying to at least look presentable before putting o his sunglasses. "It's just bullshit is all. Nothing you need to worry about.. Munson"

'She wears short skirts, I wear T shirts, she's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers. Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find the one you're looking for has been here the whole time.'

After a few weeks, which then turned into months, Eddie and Steve had become friends. Which was an unlikely pair, but Steve needed a shoulder to lean on, and Eddie.. just needed more friends in general. So they said Hi to each other in the halls, hung out after school, the usual thing to do. Of course Eddie might have been hiding the fact that he had a huge crush on Steve, but it was nothing if not normal, especially since He had just gotten out of a relationship with a GIRL.

But he'd push it aside, Steve could always find someone else, like Tammy Thompson, or Carol whatever her last name is. So he'd push his feelings aside. Steve on the other hand, was oblivious to his feelings Towards Eddie, if he'd be caught staring too long, he'd play it off as anything else. The thoughts of Eddie in the back of head his head; playing on repeat all night.

How soft his hair looked, how pretty his eyes were, how pretty he was in general. All of it was confusing to him. But he wouldn't dare tell anyone about it, with his luck he'd end up at PennHurst with Victor Kreel as his Roommate.

'if you could see I'm the one who understands you, been here all along so why can't you see? You belong with me'

Steve was walking around Hawkins with Eddie, mainly just to talk, and because they had no other plans yet. Trying to think of what to do, it wasn't boring, just quieter than usual, definitely not normal. "Okay so I was talking to Dustin right? He says something about this girl who he likes and is like 'Oh I wanna ask her to the dance!' and I have to give him credit for being that Ballsy to do that."

Eddie nodded, he had heard A LOT, about all the kids Steve hung out with, which really seemed to be his only friends, so he wouldn't say anything about it, plus it wasn't that weird. " I don't understand how you're friends with literally 12 year olds. Not to mention Sassy ones."

Steve rolled his eyes and bumped into Eddie's shoulder as they walked, eventually getting to the park as they sat down for a bit, talking amongst themselves. "it's easier than it looks."

'Walk in the park with you and your worn out jeans, can't help thinking this is how it oughta be, laughing on a park bench thinking to myself, "hey isn't this easy?" '

After a bit of sitting at the park, they had finally decided on a plan; watching The first Star Wars at Eddie's place. Which was mainly Eddie's plan, but Steve had no objections, walking back with him with a grin.

A grin that if Eddie could say himself could probably make anyone swoon, even Himself. "Okay but seriously, how do you deal with 6 teenagers? I couldn't deal with one-" Steve shrugged after a minute, glancing over with a still apparent grin. "gets easier after Trauma bonding, believe me. A lot easier"

'Cause you've got a smile that could light up this town, haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down. you say you're fine I know you better than that. Hey where'd you find a girl like that?'

Once they had gotten back to Eddie's trailer, they had sat down on the couch, rewinding the tape and starting it from the beginning. Eddie wasn't actually paying attention, he had been telling Steve about small behind the scene facts; while Steve listened to them and nodded, offering small commentary.

"So.. what's your opinion on.. y'know the whole Nancy thing?" Steve questioned, filling in the comfortable silence with the question, which hung heavy in the air. Eddie simply shrugged, taking a sip of his drink and looking over. "honestly dude? I think Wheeler is way out of your league, and maybe you should y'know... Not cruise around for more girls?"

'She wears high heels and I wear sneakers, she's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers. Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find the one you've been looking for has been here the whole time.'

Steve nodded, not saying for a quick beat; looking over at him once more, which a small grin. "Yeah I guess you're right. I mean I'm over her- definitely over her. But I think that.. maybe I like someone else, I dunno." Eddie nodded slowly, his usually smile crossing his face, trying to make his voice seem not sarcastic, or hurt as he muttered.

"oh that's great, I'm sure she's wonderful." Steve nodded after a moment, the words not fully sinking in, of course he didn't like a girl, he liked Eddie. He had tried to make it as obvious as possible, giving him extra sweet smiles, initiating physical contact, subtly flirting with him. He didn't know what else to do. So at the end of the night, as usual. He went home. "so I'll see you tomorrow?" Eddie asked hopefully, he had Invited Steve to come watch a show from his band. To which Steve had agreed "Yeah, I'll be there. Don't worry."

Steve had shown up like he said he would, cheering on Eddie and his band The 'Corroded Coffin'. It wasn't his taste in music, but he was glad to do so. He had to leave after though, even with promising to go he couldn't exactly force himself to go see Eddie afterwards, not after what had happened last night. It was several hours after that now, and Steve was in his car.

Parked in front of Eddie's house, just sitting in his car. He knew he had to say something to Eddie, about how he wasn't in love with a girl, but in love with him. How it had terrorized him got months, the thought of it ruining whatever had gone on in the bathroom at that Halloween party. Eventually he got out, knocking on the door, to reveal Eddie, half asleep, his Hellfire shirt messily hanging off one shoulder and his jeans with the chains twisted. "Harrington? What the hell are you doing here this late?" He grumbled before stepping out of the way so he could walk in, watching as he just stood there. "listen— you said something about me liking a girl last night and I wanted to clarify- I don't like a girl. It's just.. it's a dude that I like and I don't want that changing anything between us—" Steve cut himself off to take a breath, looking at Eddie who had an Amused look on his face, nodding slowly and closing the door.

"well hot damn, King Steve isn't so straight after all. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me." He muttered, acting like he was zipping his lips together and throwing a key. Which made Steve snort, before shaking his head and resting his hands on Eddie's shoulders, so they would technically be close. "no- no not like just some dude, I mean like... you. I like you, Eddie."

' standing by and waiting at your back door. All this time, how could you not know baby? You belong with me.'

Eddie blinked a few times, shaking his head like he was clearing Stupor from it. Then looking at Steve with an Eyebrow raised, his face red. Of course he liked him back, but somewhere in the back of his mind told him Steve was joking, that he was still heartbroken, and Eddie was what he clung onto to get over Nancy.

"No you don't, listen- I'm glad you know what you like- but just because I'm outed as the local queer doesn't mean that you like ME. You can like anyone else, not just me because I helped you through whatever that was a few months ago-" Steve shook his head, quickly; almost too quickly and he removed his hands from Eddie's shoulders, now to cup his face. "no. No I don't think you understand- I like you. Not because you helped me, but because you're you." He mumbled, his face flushed with embarrassment as he looked away, before Eddie nodded once again, for what seemed like the umpteenth time; a hand slowly reaching to behind Steve, resting on the back of his head.

The cool metallic rings that still sat in his fingers, burning into Steve's scalp, igniting a fire in his head, his whole body. After what seemed like hours, their lips were finally pressed together, Eddie's free hand resting onto Steve's hip, trying to pull him closer. Like Steve was his oxygen, and he'd die without him, without kissing him.

'You belong with me. Oh I remember driving to your house in the middle of the night.'

Once Eddie had pulled away, Steve burst into a small fit of laughter, hands still cupping Eddie's face. "So.. we both like each other?" He asked after a minute, and Eddie rolled his eyes half heartedly, shaking his head. "No, no I just go around Kissing guys in my spare time. Obviously you idiot."

'Im the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry.'

Eddie had gotten a call from Steve, which was absolutely heartbreaking, he had come out to his parents. Well really only his dad, since his mother had left the table before he could even finish his sentence; it hadn't gone well from what he had heard. So he had rushed over right away, sneaking in through Steve's window, as usual.

Sitting next to him on the bed, trying to comfort him as best as possible. Steve was absolutely heartbroken, laying there with his arms around his boyfriend, sniffling into his shoulder. "I just.. I dunno I thought they'd be okay with it.." Eddie nodded, rubbing patterns onto his back as he sighed, planting a small kiss onto Steve's forehead"Okay well parents are dicks.. and if you want, you could come stay with me?" He offered, to Which Steve had quickly agreed, at least until everything had died down.

'I know you're favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams. I think I know where you belong.'

Steve had Stayed with Eddie for a bit, and they spent their nights cuddling, watching movies; going on dates, all the things they could. Eddie would tell Steve stupid stories about the hellfire club, and Steve would listen. He had no damn clue what he was talking about, but Eddie looked so excited, so he'd listen. And everything had worked out, Steve had found someone to love, and Eddie.. had found a friend, and a boyfriend in the same person.

'I think I know it's with me. can't you see that I'm the one who understands? Been here along, so why can't you see? You belong with me.'

'Standing by and waiting at your back door all this time, how could you not know baby? You belong with me.'

'You belong with me.'

THE END

[vs-redemption]

Hi. Not sure if request are allowed (idk what I'm doing) but wondering if you could write something like aizawa finds out reader was sexually abused when they were younger...maybe comforts them and helps them through a panic attack? Holds them while they cry kinda stuff.. It would mean a lot to me (give me all the comfort...I need it 😫)

From Cindy: Hey anon. Requests are definitely allowed. I’m sorry it took me a while to get to this. I hope you are doing all right, and I hope you can get some comfort from this ♥

Dirty (Aizawa x Reader)

⚠️mentions of sexual abuse, Panic Attack, Hurt/Comfort ⚠️

Of all the decisions you’d made in your life, agreeing to go on a date with Shota Aizawa was turning out to be one of the better ones. Even after the awkward stiffness of the first few times going out disappeared, the man continued to be extremely gentle, patient, and kind. Many people looked for these exact traits in a partner, but they were even more important to you. With the experiences of your past like a constant shadow looming over you, even just convincing yourself to put yourself out there to try and meet new people was a difficult issue to overcome. So, finding a partner who could not only accept the fact that these traumatic things had happened to you but also help you move past them was even more unlikely.

Admittedly, you hadn’t shared the horrors from your younger years with your hero boyfriend yet, but you were starting to feel like you might be able to open up to him about it soon. The fear that he would lose interest in you and leave every time you shrugged off his affection had begun to ease away. He’d looked confused the first couple times you’d pushed him away, but not once had he looked annoyed or gotten angry. For a while, you had also worried that he would ask about your odd behavior, but that hadn’t happened yet either. Aizawa seemed to understand and respect your need for space and to move at a slower pace through the relationship.

“Today I will tell him.” You promise your reflection in the mirror one morning as you get ready for the day. Aizawa was scheduled to come over to have dinner with you after his patrol, and you thought it was as decent an opportunity as any to finally expose your dark secret.

You were feeling fairly confident about it until you turned on the TV right as the local newscaster launched into a story about a young child who’d apparently gone through a similar situation as yourself. As quickly as you can, you change the channel and try not to let the disturbing report trigger any of the memories that so often haunted you.

After convincing yourself that you’d be all right and that you just needed a distraction, you grab your keys and head to the supermarket to pick up the ingredients you’d need for dinner that evening. The harder you tried not to think about the child from the news though, the more it seemed to pop into your head. Soon, familiar images from your past began to consume your thoughts, making your stomach roll and skin itch uncomfortably.

“Dirty.” The word slips from your lips as you rush back home, avoiding the stares of people around you who you were convinced knew every single terrible detail of the memories currently rushing through your mind. You toss the groceries onto the ground once you make it back, more concerned with getting rid of the filthy feeling all over your body than putting the food away. You rush to the bathroom, eager to scrub every inch of yourself until the shame went away.

By the time Aizawa showed up, you felt more composed. You’d managed to put yourself back together after the shower and get all the groceries put away, hopefully leaving your boyfriend none the wiser about the rough day you’d had.

“Smells good in here,” He smiles as he comes in the door, slipping out of his shoes and tucking his feet into the pair of slippers you kept at the entrance for him. “Anything I can do to help?”

“N-no, I’ve got it.” You bite your bottom lip to try and keep your mind focused. The warmth and genuine kindness in his eyes made a wave of guilt wash over you, and your thoughts began to spiral. How long had you been with Aizawa now? How long had you been deceiving a good man? You shake your head, reminding yourself that you had every intention of telling him. Still, you couldn’t help but wonder if he deserved someone better than you… someone less… tainted. Without realizing, your hands had begun to shake and your breathing become labored.

“Hey, is everything all right?” Aizawa’s hand appears in front of you to take your hands into his but you rip out of his grasp and back away, hot tears finally springing forward and blurring your vision. The shock stays on his face for just a moment before morphing into concern as he whispers your name softly.

“No!” You shake your head. “You can’t. We can’t. I’m just… I’m sorry. You should be with … someone else. Someone better.” You were too upset to form coherent sentences, and Aizawa was clearly confused.

“What are you talking about?” He asks softly, “What brought this on?”

You couldn’t believe his patience and self-control. Why wasn’t he getting angry? You could see it in his posture that he was holding himself back from rushing over to you. Even now, he was giving you space and remaining calm. This wasn’t the way you wanted him to find out, but you found that you couldn’t keep the truth in any longer. With a choked sob, the truth spills from your lips. You explain as quickly as you can how your body had been violated against your will, and how that made you feel too disgusting to be with anyone, especially someone as good as him. Aizawa looked stunned as he took in your confession. Then, his eyes were also filling with tears as you told him sadly that you understood if he wanted to leave.

“I’m not leaving,” he states without hesitation, “not unless you tell me to.” Seeing you standing across the room with your shoulders hunched and shaking as you continued to cry was breaking his heart. “The only disgusting thing is the person who did those things to you.” He wipes the wetness from his own cheeks before taking a hesitant step forward. “Please, can I hold you?”

The nagging self-doubt was still in the back of your head, but you still manage to force your feet to shuffle forward until you’re close enough for Aizawa to pull you firmly into his arms and safely against his chest. “I’m so sorry that happened to you,” He murmurs softly while letting his hand rub slow circles on your back to try and calm you down. “And I would never leave you over something that wasn’t your fault.” The comforting words bring about a fresh wave of tears and you wrap your arms around his waist, fingers fisting into his shirt to keep him close. You stay embraced for a few minutes as your breathing calms down and you start to relax, Aizawa telling you how strong and brave you are the whole time.

“T-the food,” you mutter as the timer on the stove goes off. Reluctantly you pull away and turn to grab some oven mitts, but your hands are still shaking.

“Let me,” Aizawa offers and you let him take the dish from the oven and set it on the counter. Before you can say another word, he pulls you back into his arms and you let out a teary laugh.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all this sooner,” you nuzzle your face into his chest. “I just… I just couldn’t.”

“It’s okay,” Aizawa shakes his head. “You don’t have to be sorry about that. Please tell me I never did anything to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, you’re perfect.” You look up and smile at him so he knows how honest you’re being. “More than perfect.”

“I hope you know I feel the same way about you,” He says seriously.

“Even now?” You can’t help but ask.

“Even now.” He confirms with a nod of his head.

The confidence of his answer caused that small hope in your chest to bloom into true happiness. For so long, you’d hoped to find someone you were not only comfortable enough with to divulge the trauma of your past, but also someone you could trust enough to join in your journey of self-healing. Aizawa seemed to fit every category and then some with flying colors. Agreeing to go on that first date with him had definitely been one of the best decisions of your life.

[bts-reveries]

I'm sorry I LOVED the update but I'm also incredibly disappointed in Sarang, for the first time Jin comes to them with a problem and all no one wants to actually take his thoughts into consideration. With as many times as he's helped them I really think her saying he should be happy is incredibly insensitive and selfish. We would never tell a friend who doesn't want a baby, "st least you can have one when I can't so be happy" (at least ai hope not) If he was a woman, we would not be encouraging this behavior. I think that it's okay for Jin to be disappointed and say this is stress he wasn't counting, that's real and I guess I prefer that honesty over the magical this is a good thing. Like 3 kids are hard for both men and women and this felt kinda dismissive to him and for it to be said by someone who isn't on baby #2 let alone baby #4 it comes off as incredibly naive. Idk, something about this scene left me a bit empty and if this is their response to Jin coming to them for help for the first time, I personally would never do so again. I wish there was one of them that would just acknowledge what he's currently feeling instead talking around how he shouldn't. Like delayed excitement is a real thing and maybe that real excitement never comes, it doesn't mean there's less love it just means his feelings are real. I personally would hate my partner to be happy for me instead of simply being truthful, even if the truth hurts.. Amazing update and writer for making me have all these feelings. Just disappointed in his friends at this moment.

okay so i already saw this coming when i posted this haha, i just felt the need to have her do this because one) she was already going through this before anything happened and two) i feel like its always just the couples arguing or the boys arguing with one another and the girls have that 'perfect/good' friend vibe and we never see them upset with anyone else other than their significant other lol

okay now to actually respond to your ask,, hmmm from the update, there was a lot of holes because ( i can't say much but ) there's one more reason that jin has that would make everything make sense in the update he either hesitates or reinstate the first problem he's facing and/or get interrupted before he could say that third reason. (first being, three kids are stressful, second being not in the plan). but he does not say that he doesn't want the kid, he does, there's just another reason as to why he's feeling off about this one. and i know the boys were joking around a bit during the small part we read of them talking, but they really were trying to help. like what you said about sarang, none of them are on baby number 2 so it would be hard to know how to help when the person they're trying to help is way more experienced than them. hence why jin is typically the one who gives out advice. (taehyung also, but you'll have to wait on that one because again, we only read a small part). also i know the boys kept saying things like, this never happens or he never comes to us for advice, but realistically, it's not the first time jin has come to them for help as they were friends for let's say around or almost 8 years. he just doesn't do so often. now the sarang part, yeah i understand that. she was upset and it was wrong to put her anger to someone who couldn't control what happened to them. but i would have to say that it's a normal human thing to do? like get jealous, or envy someone for getting something you have been wanting for months. it's hard because they are both going through their own personal problems and so both side is understandable but yeah, sarang didn't have to say it like that to jin. one last thing, i don't think anyone is trying to make jin accept the fact that he is going to have a child so he should be happy. other than sarang of course. but the boys are just confused because it's unlike jin to be like this, also as close friends, it's hard for them to try to help because the friends that they see as 'perfect' are having family troubles. honestly i wouldn't know if i was in the position of the boys. just because my two 'perfect couple' friends who have three beautiful kids are having problems in terms of one wanting the baby and one (let's say) doesn't. like what do you do in that position😅

[bai-zewarrior]

So I finally nailed down my designs for the black heart characters (except colossus, perry/predator and Madusa I'm still massing with them) along with some head canons! The characters might look a bit weird next to each other, I didn't draw them all on the same canvas. I know I'm suppose to but I was lazy and didn't want to re draw the refs on one canvas. I also appologize for this being so long.

I'm hoping to start a comic with these guys. I always end up saying no to projects like this because I don't think my art is good enough but I think I'm going to put my foot down this time!

Hal:

Can talk(unlike my version of Cyan)

Pretty laid back but knows when he needs to be serious

Will curse you out

Thinks Aura and Nautilus are cute together

His cape works as his "soul meter"(idk what to call it). It has 3 squares on the back that represent Hal's souls. The cape becomes tattered and ripped when souls are taken.

He just wants 5 minutes of peace without someone trying to take his souls, please give him his 5 minutes of peace.

Really hates colossus

In the context of black heart I don't consider him a nano bot. He can bleed and stuff like that.

When he sleeps his body starts to heal any wounds and mend his cloths. This leaves him defenseless as he will remain unconscious until it's finished. He tries not to sleep out in the open and often uses caves and trees as temporary shelters when he needs to sleep. This can also activate when he is knocked unconscious but in cases like with Colossus the healing part is stopped.

He can change colors but he prefers red. His cloths don't change colors with him. Just his skin and his cape.

Again, in he context of black heart, I imagine Hal just kinda woke up somewhere with a bit of knowlage about himself and that's about it. Shortly after works he ran into Aura and Nautilus for the first time. He considered the battle a joke.

Nautilus:

Has glowing markings all over his body. He can cause them to glow at will

Can only breath air for around 10 minutes( this time can decrease with some conditions such as heat or cold. This is because his gills need to be wet for him to breath air, so if it's really hot out his gills will dry out faster)

Has a stutter due to the N.A.T.U thing, among other things. Like trust issues when Xero is around

Is euryhalinr(this just means he can breath any kind of water)

His suit adds about 100lbs to him (material, water, and special boots to help with balance when moving around in the suit)

Likes to make jewlary with shells and stuff

Loves Aura to death. Would litterally die for her.

His teeth work like a shark's. One falls out? You've got plenty more to fill the gap! He has given pretty much all his friends breif heart attacks when he casually spits one out after they hear the loud bone cracking noise of a tooth braking. He keeps all the teeth.

Runs on all fours for some reason. No one knows why, including Aura.

Aura:

Learned all her magic from her parents

Her parents lived like hermits because they believed people still hold witch hunts. Aura hated this because she snuck out a lot and knew that this wasn't the case.

Can be a bit forgetful with spells so she always keeps her book with her at all times

Love Nautilus to death, would die for him too.

Can't swim, her body it denser then water so she just sinks. Nautilus is almost always with her when she's near water for this reason.

Aura's wand is broken but she just keeps fixing it with tape because she doesn't know how to make a new one. She also doesn't want to ask her parents because they wouldn't let her live it down.

Made the headphones Puffer wears so he doesn't have to worry about Siren trying to mind control him, again.

Aura has a secret garden. She uses it to grow her magic plants. It has a defense system that even Jestar can't get past. Only those she has given permission can enter, but those people can give temporary permission to others. Only Nautilus, Puffer and Solario have permission to go into the garden.

Has gotten use to the weird things Natalie can do.

Puffer:

A bit of a hermit, but will open up when he trusts someone

Always has his eyes closed because he thinks his eyes look scary. He can still see for some reason? (Like Brock from pokemon, idk how he could see but he traveled like 3-4 regions like that)

Changes colors depending on emotions. Blue is calm and happy, purple is upset and sad and red is anger and frustration.

Puffer can create lots of spikes all over his body if needed as well as a set of claws. He doesn't do this often.

Likes to cook but keeps it a secret from everyone. (Aura and Nautilus found out though, they just kept the secret)

He really doesn't like Siren after what she did to him, but he will talk to her and hang out with her if someone else he trusts is around.

Really wants to apologize to Hal but he hasn't gotten the chance to yet.

Is really self conscious.

He's not very good at swimming but Nautilus teaches him when Siren isn't around or in Aura's secret garden.

Siren:

Likes to sing for no reason

Has a not so small army of skeleton fish

Is litterally heartless (she doesn't like to talk about it)

Has a crush on Puffer but she doesn't know how to fix the bridge she burned with him

Plays chess with Myst a lot(and wins a lot, much to Myst's dismay)

She can shape shift her tail into a pair of legs. This was a "gift" from Jestar to help her be a better assassin for him

Thinks Xero is a prick

Likes to steal Xero's alcohol sometimes

Can water bend. She can't blood bend though. She's tried.

Likes rock and country music for some reason

Nautilus likes to play with her fish some times.

Knows a bit about necromancy. She doesn't like to talk about it though. She never does it in front of anyone besides her fish army

Myst:

Doesn't like to talk about his life outside work

Is well over 100 years old( he lost count)

Is very protective when it comes to Shade

Doesn't really understand Shade but will support her regardless

Likes to smoke when he thinks no one is around

Can create an umbrella to protect himself if he is caught outside when the sun comes up

Likes to play chess

Is basically a dad to the other assassins

Rarely opens his third eye. This usually only happens when he gets frantic, scared or extreamly angry

Does not have any remorse over killing Parry

He doesn't eat in front of others if it can be helped

Myst told Nautilus about Shade once. He had a bad feeling and asked that if anything happened to him Nautilus would take care of her. Only problem was no one thought about the address of Myst and Shade's mansion. He found her though, don't worry.

When he is exposed to sunlight it will immediately cause him to get sunburned. If he doesn't leave after about 30 seconds- 1 minute he will start to die slowly and painfully. He has taken a lot of tea baths because of the sun

Solario:

A big dork

Very loud and bubbly

Is a prince from a kingdom galaxies away from where black heart takes place in

Was suppose to marry the moon from the moon is getting away level (haven't given her a name yet) but she unknowingly broke Sol's heart so he left. He wanted her to be happy and he clearly couldn't give her that happiness.

Doesn't understand "mortal" things but wants to learn.

Nautilus taught him the word yeet and now he won't stop using it

I headcanon that his voice actor would Gary LeVox(lead singer of Rascal Flatts)(don't ask why, I can't change what has happened in my brain)

Will stop at nothing to see his friends happy

Likes hanging out with Aura, Nautilus and Puffer

Can make himself hotter or colder at will. He tends to stay at a heat that won't hurt others when the go near him, but not cold enough to cause himself harm.

If he gets to cold he can die. He also starts to become extreamly cold or extremely hot before death. The direction his tempature goes in is dependent on what he was doing before hand. (Example: reading a book, gets shot, starts to get colder and colder. Attacking Hal trying to get his soul, shapeshifts so much he almost blows himself up, gets hotter and hotter)

Can be a bit over dramatic sometimes

He is incredibly strong. He can lift both Puffer(who whieghs roughly 230 lbs) and Nautilus when he's in his suit(so about 250 lbs) with no trouble. He forgets about his stranghth some times and has accidentally thrown a few things before quickly trying to fix it.

His shapeshifting isn't limited to just objects, he can shape shift small things about him self like his cloths or his entire body into something like a dinosaur. He doesn't do it often though. Mostly just the cloths thing.

Jestar:

Yells a lot

Thinks everyone is incompetent except Xero, for some reason

Accidentally took Puffer when Siren joined do to a confusion about Sirens powers. He refused to send Puffer home.

Colossus is basically just his pet

Xero is the only one who can get away with yelling at Jestar. No one really knows why but they hold really long arguments about all sorts of stupid stuff

Did I mention he yells a lot? I did? Well I’m saying it again. He yells A LOT.

Can shapeshift in to anything

Does not know how to handle baby Madusa. He doesn't know how to handle people in general, and he thought creating a baby was a good idea.

Xero:

Smokes and drinks a lot

Has a German accent(I can’t un heard it, I’m sorry)

Has a wrapped sense of humor

Calls Natilus “shark boy” after natilus bit him(this is related to what happened before N.A.T.U)

Calls everyone a nicknames besides Jestar.

Makes more robots then he needs and holds robot death battles at night.

Wants to dissect Siran after he found out she’s litterally heartless.

Is drunk 90% of the time but that's when he works best. He doesn't care that he has a problem either

Dressed Madusa up is costumes a lot during the 2 weeks it took him to grow up. He created a scrap book with photos of them too.

Can actually be a really nice dude when he wants to be. He doesn't normally want to be nice

90% of his robots are idiots

He's left handed

Colossus:

Is basically Jestar’s pet

Doesn’t speak a language anyone knows

Is basically a king without a kingdom

Starts out really tiny but gets really big for a short period of time once he has infected someone

Shade:

Has trust issues

Is only like 16 years old

Has normal(ish) ghost powers because she was born a ghost

Drives Myst nuts with her edgy stuff

Likes talking to Perry(she meets him after the Funk Hole level)

Can bounce between having a ghost tail to having normal legs.

Her flower is technically apart of her but she doesn't consider it part of her.

Perry:

Kinda skittish around people who look scary to him(so 90% of the black heart cast)

Has a crush on Shade but won't admit it out loud because he's scared of getting bitten in half by Myst, again.

Around 18 years old

Left home because his mom and brother suck and he wanted to be a ghost hunter like the ones he saw on tv. He got his wish for like 2 hours?

Transforms into Predator during the full moons and special moons. Special moons can have different effects on his transformation and mental state. Like a blood moon causes him to become more blood thirsty but a blue moon causes him to actually retain his normal mental state.

He has a habit of spiraling about everything

Predator:

Can't say anything understandable

Each part of his head has a brain so they agrue sometimes

Around 5X the size of Parry

Acts like a dog sometimes

Would have probably just ate Hal instead of taking the souls.

Madusa:

Can breath underwater and air without issue

Doesn't like the fact that he looks like Nautilus

Hasn't figured out how to swim fast like nautilus yet but won't admit it

Calls Jestar dad

Actually gets along well with Xero

Xero calls him Moccasin

Has markings like Nautilus but they only glow in the dark and they aren't as bright

He's allergic to shell fish

Actually had about a 2 week period where he was a kid. Xero and Jestar just gave him a special serum that caused I'm to grow up faster.

Most of his teeth ended up like Aura's but his canines are significantly sharper then they would be. Xero also found an extra set of teeth under Madusa's adult teeth.

Doesn't like the idea that his whole life rests on a tiny, easy to brake, stone on his head but just rolls with it.

Scared Jestar and Xero a lot during his first few days of life. He not only descovered his allergy to shell fish but almost got himself caught by the others a bunch of times.

All these guys belong to OL666 except Hal, he belongs to vitamin games

[fortheloveofkuroo]

HAIKYUU AU:

Part 1 Part 3

Karasuno boys are having a sleepover in your place, their Manager!

4. Nishinoya Yuu

Yea boi he's excited.

Yuu have been always a fan of yours. Sure he loves Shimizu Kiyoko more than anyone (expect Tanaka lmao) But you, you're just so different that you shines in his eyes.

"Sleepover at (Y/n)'s home?! Not Bad!"

He is excited as hell.

"(Y/n)! (Y/n)! Is your house bigg?" He excitedly asks. "Well, you'll see." You answered.

He cannot calm down geez. Unlike Asahi, who's nervous as hell he's very excited and everybody can tell.

"You guys can dry yourselves here, i'll shower first and prepare your dinner!"

Something about seeing your domestic self seems very unusual to him. He's not used to you who's not yelling and controlling people in the Gym.

You seems very famous for your strictness to the boys. But they're not complaining though.

He waits (strangely) patiently and being his usual self, with Tanaka he guards the bathroom.

"We, as a real gentlemen we have to guard our lady from danger. Especially when she's in her vulnerable state." Nishinoya explained. Tanaka answered with his nods.

Ofc you can hear everything from inside. "OI YOU TWO GET OUT FROM THE DOOR!" you opened the door, with bathrope on and wet hair.

Ofc these two guys arestunned. "Omg (Y/n), you're actually so hot-" "GET OUT!" you kicked both of them to the living room and quickly change to your clothes.

Doesn't took too long before you finished cooking dinner with Sugawara and bring them to table.

They all eat so much. You barely eats. That's alright, they worked so hard. It must be tough for them.

This guardian deity noticed that you don't eat much. So he gave a few portion of his Karaage to you. Without you even noticing.

"Eh,? I'm sure i finished mine though." You wondered. Nishinoya grins, "It seems like the Kaarage fairy likes you, (Y/n)!" Followed by cheering from Hinata asking if Kaarage fairy is real or not.

You know it's from him. It's not rare for Nishinoya sharing his food but it warms your heart.

"Um.. Due to lack of the space, one of you have to sleep with me."

"I VOLUNTEER MYSELF!" Nishinoya shouted before Sugawara holds himself. "No you're not! I don't trust you!"

"Nishinoya-senpai is tiny so i'm sure he can sleep with the others just fine." Kageyama adds. "HAAH WHAT DID YOU SAAAYYY?!"

Omg the chaos. You had enough for some point.

"Geez! I'll sleep by myself. Don't make a ruckus and Good night." You snaps while closing the door. Leaving some of them guilty.

You can't lie that you feel a little upset. Maybe you're tired. Yeah, you're prolly tired. You're gonna apologize to everyone in the morning.

It's been hours since you turn off the light. Hell it's already midnight and you can't seems to fall asleep. You're mentally and physically tired but your eyes don't want to close even an inch.

So you left your room. Moving around a little hoping you'll get (even) more tired. You move slowly, making sure you don't make so much noise that loud enough to wake everybody.

A glass of water is enough to calm yourself down right? Nah it's not. You're still hungry.

"Psst. Hey."

You turn your head around, a boy with dark drown locks and a little golden blonde highlight on his bangs. It's undoubtly him.

"Noya? You haven't sleep yet?" You whispered to him. He shakes his head, but both of your movement is too loud for the first year that ate sleeping in the living room so you dragged him somewhere else.

Should you bring him to your room? Dang it but you're still upset. So you dragged him outside to terrace. Letting go of his hand as you two sits.

"Why are you still up?" Noya shrugs. "I don't know. How about you?" You shrugs back. "Idk. Prolly-" your stomach suddenly shrieks, cutting your words and Nishinoya cannot help but laugh.

"D-Don't laugh! You'll wake everybody!" You hit his arm as he coughs. "Um, wait here 'kay" he left. You have no idea what he's planning but oh well.

You hug your knees as you looks up, the sky is so clear. Thanks to the rain and storm earlier.

You nose picks up something. A savory delicious smell coming from inside the house. Wait is this his plan?

Not so long, Noya came back with two noodle cups. He gave one to you and place himself right next to you. He only give you a grin before you two busy enjoying your instant noodle.

Not only your stomach but your heart warms up now. It's the little silence that you two in.

You smiled. After putting your cup of noodle away you chuckles.

Nishinoya confused. "What? You still hungry??"

You shakes you head, "I just don't remember keeping instant cup noodles though.." "Oh it was mine. I brought spare food everywhere, because y'know i eat a lot." Nishinoya grins.

You thanked him as you ruffles his golden bangs. And your hand quickly got snatch from his head before you know it you already cornered between him and the cold concrete wall behind you.

Is this what kabedon looks like?

He slowly release your hand and apologize. Very ashamed of what he have done. He excuse himself but you stopped him.

"...Stay for a while."

God how can he say no?

Being in the same grade as you provide him with a lots of opportunities. Not only he can see you everyday outside the club activity, he's given the opportunity of interacting with you because you two are in the same class ans apparently, you sat beside him.

He nods and sits back while you quietly watch over his side profile. Damn, you never knew that Nishinoya is actually.. Pretty good-looking.

"Sorry, i acted without thinking earlier."

"Nah, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Also, gotta admit though, you look cool with your hair down, Noya."

You can tell he's surprised. A girl? Tell him he looks cool? What? In? The? World? Is? Happening???

It seems like the cold air and the full stomach is now making you drowsy. Noya notices this, he grabs your hand and leads you to your room.

"There there. Sleep tight kay?" He spoke as he cover your whole body with blanket. It's warm.

But it's not enough.

"Hnnh.. Noya, cold." You whine.

"Haa?? Then what do you want me to do? Cuddle you up?" He jokes. Well suprisingly you nods.

Noya shocked, but why not right? He smiles as he enters the soft blanket of yours and sighed.

"Fine i'll spoon you."

5. Tanaka Ryuunosuke

OMF THE CHAOS

He's literally dreading to go to your house.

"Oh shit nvm Kiyoko-san is number one- ...but sleepover at (Y/n)-san's house though, BUT KIYOKO-SAN!! B-But (Y/n)-san.."

Yeah that's what his mind probably looks like. He obviously loves Kiyoko but heck, when you appear infront of him. It's like another flower has bloom.

He swear to himself that he only devotes himself to Shimizu Kiyoko and not do anything weird but protect you as Karasuno's manager and that's it.

But when he enters your house, and seeing everybody so relaxed, he thinks "heh why not?"

Especially when he saw you getting out from the shower. He feels like he just cameback fro a long day at work and his wife is serving him-

WAIT NO THINK OF SHIMIZU KIYOKO.

Dang it, he hates himself. He can't pick. He loves Kiyoko so much but you.. You keep disturbing him.

And ofc you don't even know that this is what's going on. You only think that Tanaka loves Shimizu-senpai so it's cool he acts very defensive to the managers especially when they're outside the school.

But why is so nervous yet so happy when he sees you?

You cameback from the kitchen, placing the dinner on the table with Suga-san helping you out.

The entire scenario of you being his wife serving him right after he cameback from his work is very vivid.

He shakes his heaed as he stuff and chomps down his rice. Secretly stealing a gaze over your direction. Everybody's attention is slightly moves towards you too.

The way you eat, the way you speak, the way you smiles..

He ignores those all and focus on his meal and moves his focus elsewhere by teasing another member whose embarassed or flustered just because they're in your house.

But he's secretly overwhelmed too.

And not so long it's sleeping time.

"Um.. Due to lack of the space, one of you have to sleep with me."

"I'LL DO IT!" "NO YOU DUMBASS! STOP COCKBLOCKING ME TANAKA!" "STOP IT YOU TWOO!!!"

Sugawara was quick to respond. But you already sighs and shakes your head. "Nevermind i'll sleep by myself.. Goodnight Guys."

Shit. He felt guilty now.

He tried to erase his feeling of guilty away, Nishinoya and the others are very quick to fall asleep. They left him alone. Awake in the darkness.

He can't sleep with this guilty feeling on his chest. As a true man, he must deal with his problem straight away.

So he brace himself and lightly knock on your door.

No answer. "Shit, she's probably already asleep. I should just wait untill tomorrow-" and the door opens.

Revealing you with a sleepy face and messy hair. So you did already sleepy.

"S-SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT. PLEASE GO BACK TO SLE-" "Tanaka shhh.. Not so loud.." you yawns as you rubs your eyes.

"It's fine, what is it? I'm awake now." You smiles. He want to say something. Tanaka is a simple guy, if something is interrupting him, he will told you immediately.

"No ah.. I'm sorry (Y/n)-san. You should probably go back to sleep-" "Geez.. Be quite!" A shout suddenly startled both of you. Causing you to quickly drags Tanaka inside and shutting the door.

"Okay, what do you want to say?"

Man, Tanaka Ryuunosuke is stop working.

He's inside your room, he always wonder what a girl's room looks like. (His Onee-san's room is a very different one in his perspective)

"Hellooo? Earth to Tanaka? Ya there?" You wave your hand infront of him as you tap his bald head.

"A-Ah yes! It's.. I want to apologize about earlier." "Huh? Oh, that's alright. I was just tired so a little ruckus kinda bugs me. But that's okay, i'm sorry too for sounding so annoyed, eheh."

Your awkward pure genuine smile moves his heart.

He smiles. Is that it? Is this his choice?

"Say (Y/n)-san.." "Geez Tanaka drop the suffix. We're in the same year." You protest. Tanaka awkwardly chuckles and nods.

"What is it?" You wonder. Anticipating an answer from a boy who's sitting infront of you.

"Do you.. Have someone in your mind?" He looks down. Didn't even that brave to look at your eye. Untill he feels a little thud in his shoulder. He looks up..

You fell asleep on his shoulder. Oh my God.

The panic.

He's panicking inside and it shows. You, who's now asleep and sound on his shoulder suddenly slides to his lap.

He quickly carry you to the bed and tugs you in.

"This is bad this is bad this is bad this is bad"

Poor boy lol.

But one things he notices, your hand.. It won't let go of his hand. Even though he relase your hand, you kept looking for his hand.

"How adorable," he think to himself.

"...Don't leave."

"..I won't. Because, i think i love you.."

6. Kageyama Tobio

Honestly, this boi can't behave himself when he's near you.

HE ADORES YOU AWWW.

Y'know ya boi Tobio never really cares about the outside world of voleyball. So he never notice any stuff that's going around even if A LOT of girls in his class are crushing on him.

In the middle school everybody seems so distant from him because of his past attitude, but he's willing to change when he came to Karasuno and boom, he met you.

What a spark of fireworks.

So now his world revolves around two things. Voleyball, and you.

Kageyama doesn't want to bother you, so he decline. But his poor self didn't bring umbrella. He already made up his mind that he'll sprint to home untill he (accidentally) heard your quarel with Daichi.

Well, why not?

So this boy tags along, and being the polite boy he is he behave SO POLITE IT HURTS YOUR EYES.

"Jesus Kageyama, you don't have to be so polite." You laughs as the other members starting to notice. Kageyama's forehead form a confused expression.

He's actually pretty quiet and calm in your house. Your house remind him a lot of his Grandma's house. The atmosphere, and the living room is practically almost identical.

He tried to enjoy the moment but ofc Hinata Boge will annoy tf outta him.

When you distribute the towels, something struck your mind and he snaps you out of it.

"(Y/n)-senpai? Is anything wrong?" You shakes your head and gave him a thumbs up, i forming everything's fine. He's happy with the little interaction that you're both having.

That's just enough for him.

It's almost his turn to shower, some of the member that showered first already back, and Hinata decided to go ahead and shower first. Taking over Kageyama's turn and leaving him behind.

He was about to chase after him but Daichi pulls him back. "Don't make any ruckus." He advised Kageyama.

But Hinata strangely came back with a pale face. As if he runs to a ghost or something.

"Oi what happened? You run to a ghost or something?" He asked, mocking him.

Hinata face turns to serious yet doubtfull. Oh shit something serious must have happened. Kageyama nudge him. "What happened?"

Hinata gulps, "... I saw Suga-san and (Y/n)-senpai in the kitchen.. They were.." Kageyama scoffs. "Yea they were cooking. What else they should be doing, huh?"

"No! Listen.. They were.. Ugh.. S-Suga-san.. Cornered (Y/n)-senpai.." Hinata whispered to him. Kageyama's heart almost stopped. So it's true.

A while ago, while he was practicing his jump serve, his ear caught something rather interesting. The third years were discussing about the managers. Including you.

"How about (Y/n)?" Daichi asked. "Aaah, i think everyone in the team atleast have a crush on her though. I mean ofc i had a crush on her, who wouldn't?" Sugawara jokes. Bur Asahi agreed too.

What? So he against the senpais too?

And the first years and second years too. Wow you sure are popular.

He gets up, clenching his towel between his fist and walked to the kitchen. While Hinata tried to hold him but poor guy he gets thrown away :(

Once he stepped to the Kitchen, he saw you and Suga. But both of you are blushing. Shit, he doesn't want to admit this but he think Hinata's not telling a lie.

"Oh Kageyama? The bathroom's that way." Sugawara's finger gesture over the bathroom and helped you with the meal. He can see a glistened of rivalry in his kouhai's eyes.

"Thanks." As Kageyama shuts the door. He curse to himself. Now he have to compete with Sugawara too? Not only the setter position but.. Girls too?

He spent his showering session by collecting himself. He must not show any emotion of upsetness. Then he gets out and surprise surprise he bumped into Sugawara.

The silence between them omg.

"Excuse me-" "Hinata told you, didn't he?"

"Shit. He knew. Now play dumb Tobio."

"H-Huh? What did you say, Suga-san?" He lies. Sugawara know from the start that Hinata will run to Kageyama and spill everything. And Kageyama Tobio is bad at lying.

"You know, that me and (Y/n)-" "Food's ready!! Everybody let's gather aroundd!" His words were cut off by Daichi's announcement.

The whole dinner session are spent well, Kageyama's usual quarell with Hinata about the food and you being so wholesome and kind about it.

But the way you and Sugawara's movement after that kitchen incident keeps bothering his mind. What if Sugawara..

And dinners ended. It's turn to sleep now. He's kind off sleepy already because of his routine. So after the room division, he will go straight to bed, he think.

"Um.. Due to lack of the space, one of you have to sleep with me."

What

"I VOLUNTEER MYSELF!" Nishinoya shouted. But he gets hold back by Sugawara. No no no. He cannot let anyone especially Sugawara to sleep with you.

"Nishinoya-senpai is tiny so i'm sure he can sleep with the others just fine." Kageyama adds. "HAAH WHAT DID YOU SAAAYYY?!"

"Let's go to the distributed room first and see, who's the one left. He gets to stay with (Y/n)-senpai." Kageyama proposes. Actually not a bad idea.

At first everyone doesn't want to take their place but their tired body forces them too. One by one, they all collapsed on the futon or matresss once they saw one. And that left us with Sugawara and Kageyama.

"You should choose, (Y/n)." Sugawara smiles.

Kageyama's almost lost because of his consciousness running out. He's THAT sleepy yall.

"Well then, i think i'll pick.." "Sugawara! There's one spot left here!" Before you can decide, (again) Daichi interrupts. And Kageyama's eyes almost rolled back because of his sleepiness.

"Fine then. Goodnight (Y/n), Kageyama." Sugawara smile as you both walk back to your room. Holding back his emotion.

You told Kageyama to wait and prepare his bed. You feel sorry for him, he must be so tired and yet he still force himself to fully awake.

"There, Kageyama. You can sleep now- Ehhh!" Whaddya know sis, he falls down. Face first to the matrass luckily not the floor.

You chuckles a little. This boy is very adorable. You know how he adores you when you help hin with his set practice. You ran your fingers trough his jet black hair, combing his hair.

"...Nyam, i like you.. (Y/n)-senpai..."

WOW. Didn't expect someone will confess to you trough sleep talking but sure i guess. A little laugh burst from you lips. Cheeks a lil' warm.

"Sweet dreams, Tobio.."

Part 3 coming upp~

[mysaldate]

Your description says that hc requests are open so I apologize if you said elsewhere that they're not (though this might not count as a request?? idk) but since I'm still Salty about the Lower Moons' fates, do you think what little glimpses we saw of them were accurate reflections of their true personalities? What do you think they were like when not terrified by Muzan? Excluding Enmu of course, since we all know and love what that adorable little creep's personality is like

They’re open just fine, I’ll change the description when (if) I close them!

I’m also skipping Rui since we got a lot of info on him and Kyogai since he is no longer one of the Demon Moons (and also we saw his actual personality quite a lot too).

Lower Moons true personality hcs

Kamanue

He hasn’t been around for long as a Lower Moon so he’s still mostly figuring things out.

He strikes me as the type of character who would not be good in new situations, it takes him time to get used to something. Maybe that’s one of the reasons he’s so confused as to why were all the Lower Moons summoned so suddenly.

He has no problem speaking his mind but sometimes that comes with the toll of insulting the wrong people. Even when he has to keep his mouth shut, he still talks back at least inside his head.

But he’s overall not a too proud person. He’s one of the people who will get quite ambitious once he’s used to his situation but that doesn’t mean he thinks he’s better than anyone else.

Overall just a very confused boy. Probably a weakness that cost him his life but it’s not like it’s his fault.

Mukago

People will tell you she (he? not sure anymore, it’s confusing) is cowardly but honestly, after seeing what Muzan did to Kamanue for thinking out of line, I think it’s safe to assume Mukago just got swayed by panic. Reasonable reaction.

Most likely the kind of person to act on their emotions more than rationality. That sets Mukago apart from a lot of their fellow Moons and probably is one of the things that helped them get to their current position. However, emotional drive has its limits and Mukago found out the hard way.

In their anger, sadistic measures were probably something they wanted to go for but never really achieved it due to killing their victims too quickly. It’s not easy to hold back and control your strength if you’re acting on momentary feeling after all.

Probably secretly genuinely admired both Muzan and the Upper Moons for being so powerful and cool under any circumstances. It’s not unlikely that they had some ambition of becoming one of them later on but they also feel like someone without enough ego to actually pursue such a goal.

They were really grateful when Muzan made them a Lower Moon. Him saying they should not be satisfied with the position but rather strive for better was most likely targeted at Mukago as much as it was for Kamanue.

Wakuraba

Much unlike the previous two, Wakuraba actually had the drive to become stronger. However, it was more wishful thinking rather than anything else.

His main goal is staying alive of course, for as long as it takes. He most likely killed a bunch of Demon Slayer Corps members to get assigned his eventual role but he didn’t do it out of the wish to actually earn a title. While he would appreciate a promotion, his life is still his top priority.

Loyality was never his strong suit. He’s an opportunist first and foremost. Running away from Muzan seemed like the best course of action as he felt no obligation to still serve him if it meant he would lose his life. Again, a very reasonable reaction and one can hardly blame him.

When Muzan mentioned them running away whenever they see a Pillar nearby, many people seem to think it was directed mainly at Mukago since it was them who spoke up against it. In my opinion, this was much more targeted at Wakuraba. He stayed quiet and didn’t object to it because it would be pointless. Muzan could read his mind so no matter what he would say, the truth wasn’t hidden from their master.

He tries to lie low when hunting people. Unlike Rui who just took over the whole mountain or Douma who has an entire cult of followers, Wakuraba preffers to stay hidden and safe. His outfit hints at that by not being too extravagant (like Kamanue’s) or colourful (like Mukago’s) but rather toned to a pattern and colour that help him blend in. he even has a scarf that can be used to hide his demonic features.

Rokuro

And finally, we’re getting to the tired dad of the squad, Rokuro.

Ok but all jokes aside, he does strike me as the tired dad type. Not the caring dad though, the father who comes home after a hard day at work, sits down in front of the tv, opens a bottle of beer or sake and just forgets anything else exists.

He’s quite satisfied with his position as the Lower Moon but when Muzan mentions they should try harder, he’s also quick to oblige. That hints he’s quick to adapt to new situations without a problem.

The rational cool to Mukago’s emotional turmoil. Though he did end up freaking out a little bit, it wasn’t until his life was directly in danger that he gave such a reaction. Though his head did snap up when Wakuraba tried to run, that was most likely due to surprise.

He just really didn’t expect anyone to be so dumb as to think they could escape Muzan in his own fortress. Kamanue and Mukago he could understand, he’s not emotionless after all and just because he can control himself doesn’t mean everyone can. For this reason, I think he might have been surprisingly empathetic for a demon.

We didn’t even get to see his death which made me just a little upset (though from a story-telling POV, it was actually a great decision that leaves much more to the imagination) but we heard no screams or even begging. That leads me to believe he did indeed accept his mistake and that he screwed up big time. Once he saw all was lost and there was no way he could get out of it, he accepted his death with all the honor he still had.

[nashta]

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to complain or anything

I realize far too many people have it so much worse than I do, and I just need to put this out there or I'll cave in on myself. Also this post is a giant mess and I don't expect anyone to read it. So a few months ago, I started a new job where I'm working on Friday and Saturday until close (0300). My friend who will be moving in this week or next in place of my mom (oh yeah she's leaving the state) is my ride to and from work, and he refuses to pick me up from those two shifts because he works the next morning. Understandable, I guess, but Uber is super expensive like the first ride I had was almost $40. I can't afford that twice a week. Luckily, another friend of mine is saving me and will be my ride home until she goes to boot camp in February. Anyway, I feel lifeless. I'm not eating anything like I should and I have no energy and school is starting soon and I'm under immense amounts of stress and sacrificing more of myself than I have to sacrifice. He complained about the work thing, saying he won't pick me up from that shift, which I kind of get, but he also said he wants his 2 days off to be reliable so he knows that he'll have a day or two to look forward to where he doesn't have to drive or wake up or anything. Again, I get it, but here's the thing: you can't have both. You gotta either give up your guaranteed days off or a couple hours of sleep because I'm already not sleeping much/well, especially with school coming up. A full-time job on top of school that I'm fully responsible for? I will not be sleeping. A big-ass thing, a few months ago when he said he wouldn't pick me up from those shifts, I lashed out and said "how the fuck am I gonna eat with no job?" because yknow, anxiety, and he lashed back "don't you fucking dare try to guilt trip me." I wasn't trying to though, I was honestly just trying to express what my fears were. Literally ever since then, I refuse to tell him anything. I was often told I was a manipulative child, and maybe it's because I was "mature" for a child because manipulation, even after I learned what it was, was never my intent. But now, I can't tell him when something is wrong. I cry after a ton of shifts on the ride home almost the entire ride because honestly I have so much I need to just get OUT (hence this post) and so many things I'm afraid of and things I need him to do or at least listen to and understand. I need a hug and a cry and I need to know I'm safe and things will be fine and that someone gives a legitimate damn about me and my well-being because it really feels like no one in the world cares. Not enough, anyway. At this point now, someone just saying "I care" really isn't going to cut it. I'm not going to believe them, not really. I can consciously tell myself that, I can back it up with evidence and logic and things they've done to "prove" it, but I still won't feel it. He always wants to get home to his place, I understand, he's tired and wants to go, but I'm never okay. I'm so shot, during those times I'm crying in his car for 20 mins I literally just need a real fucking hug and I need to be allowed to cry because I don't make any sound. As soon as I get inside, I break the fuck down like I'm talking drop everything and fall to the floor audibly sobbing, and I'm exaggerating absolutely none of that. I've been afraid to post on this for so long because I know he follows it and reads shit and I'm afraid of what'll happen but honestly I just want to die and the more shit that happens, the more I break and the less I feel and the sooner I'll kill myself so maybe him getting pissed off and so upset with me is for the best. THIS IS A SUPER IMPORTANT BIT @ANYONE/FUTURE ME The reason I'm always crying is that I have things I need to express, but I can't. I'm constantly reminded of that "don't guilt me" thing, and every single thing I need to express is a guilt trip, all of it is a fucking manipulation, and I can't express that feeling because that is ALSO a guilt trip and a fucking manipulation. Telling him what I need and why and how it's fucking with me, that'll possibly make him feel bad, and telling him that I can't tell him shit might also make him feel bad, you see where I'm going with this? He also thinks I'm dramatic and overreacting to shit. My whole body is in pain and simple tasks seem to hurt more than they used to. FUTURE ME, THIS IS ALSO A SUPER IMPORTANT BIT I've expressed some of these things before and he just invalidates them. "Oh you're fine," "you just have hypothermia because you always have the A/C on," "your weight is fine." NO BITCH My temperature at one point hit 94.something. That's dangerous, and while I realize you can get hypothermia from too much A/C, I don't have any of the symptoms and I have too many symptoms of other things that are more likely. My mom is Type 1 brittle diabetic (autoimmune disease) which means being hypoglycemic isn't an out-there theory, I have a lot of symptoms, and it would explain the voodoo doll feeling. Plus hypoglycemia (from what I've read) is often a symptom itself of something else. Having Addison's Disease also isn't all that far off because it is also an autoimmune disease and it attacks internal organs (from what I've read. I'm not a doctor I don't know how likely or unlikely it is that I could have it). ALSO kidney disease (CKD) is another possibility because I have too many symptoms to be that much coincidence and that really freaks me out because if I'm ever so broke that I literally cannot afford food/water/other damn needs, my backup plan (honestly probably for college) is to sell one of my kidneys since you really only need one. And yes, I mean on the black market. Go ahead FBI fucking come for me. If I don't have 2 working kidneys, bye bye backup plan! Also to add to that stress, I don't know half of my biological family medical history. Never had a dad because he left, so I don't know what I'm at risk for from them. I have decent reason to fucking panic! MORE IMPORTANT THING FUTURE ME I KNOW YOU'VE NODDED OFF BY NOW PROBABLY GO FUCK YOURSELF I'm starving myself. Kind of. Ok look it's not in an ED sort of way. It's not like that, I'm not so fucking hungry that I'm clutching my stomach in pain and still refusing to eat. If I'm that hungry I'll try and fucking eat something. I have a small appetite because of stress and probably other things rn. There are usually only a few times I eat: 1) when I watch Shane Dawson videos (idk why he used to do a lot of food stuff and I'd usually watch them after work when I was hungry so maybe that's it but it's stuck now) 2) when I have to take my meds (before work and during work if it's been a while) 3) if my head is being stupid (if I have a massive headache because I've learned that that usually means I need food, or if my head is super foggy and I'm confused and slow and forgetful) My usual weight from a few months ago was like 115-118 lbs. I'm 4'11 so that's not bad BMI but I despised my body and frequently would punish myself for indulging or eating too much. My BMI was fine but too uncomfortably close to "overweight" for me. However, didn't hate my weight, just my body. Light for me was 112-115 lbs. My average-ish weight now is 100 lbs, and it's going down. I don't despise my body now (don't really like it still but I'm fine with it) and I don't want to gain my weight back but I'm also scared to lose more. I weighed myself earlier today and I WAS 98 LBS. THAT'S APPROXIMATELY A 20 LB DROP. That's still a healthy weight, but it wasn't lost in a healthy way and that's what fucking scares me. I sent him a photo of the scale at 99 lbs (he knows my normal weight and I expressed to him when I lost 10 lbs how worried I was because it was after like 2 weeks of accidental starvation) and YOU KNOW WHAT HE FUCKING SAID? "Your weight is nothing to be worried about." I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT MY WEIGHT I'M WORRIED ABOUT HOW I GOT THERE GODDAMMIT HE FUCKING KNOWS I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING. WE'VE LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT HOW IT'S A FUCKING STRUGGLE FOR ME TO GET IN MORE THAN 800 CALORIES IN A FUCKING WAKE CYCLE PLUS EVERYTHING I'M EATING IS NOT GOOD FOR ME TO BE EATING LIKE THIS Jesus fucking Christ god fucking dammit I'M FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT MY WEIGHT BECAUSE THE ONLY REASON IT'S THERE IS BECAUSE I'VE NOT BEEN EATING. I'VE BEEN FUCKING STARVING MYSELF I've been fucking starving myself. I've been fucking starving myself. I've been fucking starving myself. Because of money. That's literally the reason. I picked up my medication today and had a $1 copay. I've never had a copay before. I had an anxiety attack and bought food, plus I was hungry. I woke at 1800, ate at around 2000, ate again at 1000 when I took another dose of meds before work. This prescription thing, I got back in his car (which isn't working well and he was angry so I kind of get it) at 1700ish. I ate one small soft cookie and he asked me to not eat because chewing irritates him. So I didn't eat until 0100, after a few hours of sleep. Let me timeline this for you: 1800 - wake 2 hours later - approximately 1c rice with nooch and chili powder and a little cheese to take my meds and supplement 14 hours later- 1.5 pieces of naan with hummus to take my meds 7 hours later - 1 small cookie that I then felt bad about buying and eating because it made him angry and reinforced the "you're nothing so you don't deserve to eat" thing in my head 4 hours later - fall asleep 3.5 hours later - wake 30 mins later - half a package of soft cookies with milk 5 hours later - writing this post for 1.5 - 2 hours I don't eat 95% of the time because of money. If I eat this food, then I have to spend money to replace it. I might need that money later so don't eat too much, eat only what you need, don't be a fucking pig, eat only what you need to function, don't be greedy, eat only what you need to stay alive for now, don't piss anyone off by making a mess and being lazy just don't eat if you don't absolutely need to. Don't make anyone angry at you. Make it last. You need boots that you can work in. You need your neck worked out. You want to see Motionless In White, save your money. You can't go to Kipona this year because he won't go with you and you have no one else even though you used to go with Grandbob, maybe next year or the one after that. Save your money. Maybe Muddy Run? Save your money for that. You want to go to the Ren Faire, save all you can for that. Another thing that's fucking with me He said he'd take off work and go to last month's flute circle because I really want him to experience it, but backed out because he didn't want to take off work and left me unable to attend. I rarely go, and it's the last regular experience I have to Grandbob and it absolutely fucking destroyed me to not be there. Again. I can't go to this month's because it was 2 days ago. I don't think I'll be allowed to go back for another few years, I don't think I'll be allowed to experience anything that connects me to Grandbob for another few years and by then they'll probably all be gone. I'm not allowed to cope or lash out or cry or scream or experience emotion or eat or fucking try to have some sort of connection to Grandbob because it inconveniences everyone else and I'm not allowed to have needs or try to take care of myself because it inconveniences everyone else and makes everyone else angry and every single thing I do does that. Last week I woke up at 0200 and couldn't go back to sleep even though I had to be at work at 1100 and close the shop at 2100 and work through those hours. I couldn't get back to sleep even though I tried for hours because I was having a depressive anxiety attack and crying for hours and I was literally imagining that my availability having to change and possibly not being able to work the drunk rush anymore making my boss so angry and upset that he fires me and me being as depressed and anxious and suicidal as I am, literally taking a knife and killing myself in the bathroom and my coworker (who actually got fired irl) found me and was just so apathetic and my boss literally just being like "goddammit now I have this mess to clean up and have to close early and can't make money" and me dying having zero emotional impact on either of them because I'm not a fucking person to them and all I am is a hassle. So I'm seeing that in my head and crying for hours, then I'm also seeing potential effect that that imaginary situation has on my mom and my friend and I'm crying over THAT for hours. God, I don't even fucking know. I just want to die because no one gives a fuck and I hate this country and I don't have enough money to survive and be okay in this country and politics is killing me and money and stress and I just want to fucking die because my soul is cold and nothing feels real or genuine to me anymore and I'm just a fucking obligation to everyone I'm not a fucking person I'm not important I'm just a selfish piece of shit motherfucker that needs to die alone in a hole and I'm pretty sure this whole post is a fucking guilt trip manipulation bullshit even though I don't mean it to be and I wish I never needed anything because hugs aren't feeling genuine anymore no one fucking takes my needs into consideration it doesn't matter how thin i get or how thin I'm spread it's never enough and I can't expect anyone to spread themselves the smallest bit until I'm fucking dust please just end my earthly existence Look at me Look at this fucking post I'm fucking crazy, aren't I? Isn't this the raving of a mad person? I've literally spent 2 hours typing this WHY am I this way? WHY can't I just deal with it like everyone else?

[elizabethrobertajones]

So I'm rewatching s4 right now and I am a bit confused now. We learned in s12 that Lucifer created the princes of hell after Lilith. So the hirachy is basically this: Black eyed demons as the food soldiers red eyed demons who handle the crossroadsdeals, yellow eyed demons as the generals of hell and then Lilith? white eyed demons. Now Alistair is a white eyed demon too and he knew some crazy stuff like exorcisms for amgels. So how does this all fit in Ivm so confused.

I think the answer is that they’ve been winging it the entire time with lore - I think the early seasons changes to lore also made little holes because I remember finding some of the early big changes like Lilith or Alastair showing up, or Azazel’s plan being retconned into being all about finding one kid instead of raising an army (or, of course, the boy king plot disappearing into being just confused demon rumours which kind of makes it all work once you know Lucifer better, like, say, after 5x04 or 5x10…) or or or wtf was Meg up to and was she and that other demon REALLY Azazel’s children or was that an exaggeration, and how much of his plan did she KNOW and -

(And also wtf is a King of the Crossroads and was he or Lilith in charge of the deals and were they really lovers or was that a weird embellishment from Becky, and how comes he got the Colt THEN but did Lilith even really hold the deal or was it just assumed Crowley would give it to her but it doesn’t matter because he didn’t EXIST for two more seasons and all the time the crossroads demons obliquely mention their boss it’s probably supposed to be Lilith in season 3 and now you’d think it’s Crowley if you watched the show backwards…)

Yeah, I’ve been struggling with this since like, season 3, so at this point they could just be like “and here’s a whole bunch of peers from the Demon House of Lords” and I’ll be like okay then I guess that’s a thing what sort of nonsense are they getting up to then?

(And yeah I know there’s answers to most of those questions and ways to rationalise them or later context that makes it all make sense and as the years have gone by I’m now at peace with all these weird changes to canon like the fact Sam’s powers were basically just a silly side effect of being groomed to be Lucifer’s vessel or Crowley somehow accidentally-deliberately ended up ruling Hell because literally no demon no matter how late they were retconned into the story, felt like bothering with it even if they had to time travel through a closet to answer the question of why they had never tried before or retire to fish or keep bees or whatever it’ll turn out Dagon was spending her time on while avoiding getting involved in something as dramatic as the apocalypse…)

(Or maybe she or the other surviving Prince of Hell DID but behind the scenes in such a way that they were never hauled out into the Winchesters’ path, but were busy doing things like breaking seals and stuff in all the nonsense that happened way way off screen because it would be too much money to show it…)

Anyway for what it’s worth your impression of the hierarchy seems as good as any. Hell seems to produce a lot of grunts and low-quality demons. The ones with the special spark either made too much of a name for themselves and got killed (same as how Heaven now literally seems to be quiet because all named personalities with the inclination to try and rule it have been killed off, and I think Joshua is basically the only angel LEFT up there with a name and personality :P)… I think the smart demons end up in the crossroads business and the red eyes probably show their extra powers which I assume get burned into them one way or another… That department is responsible for restocking Hell faster than it would fill up naturally with the run of the mill sinners (though stuff like Jeffrey’s demon is a bit ambiguous about if he was picking up pre-booked for Hell serial killer types and just egging them on a bit to cause the most mayhem on Earth before they go to Hell, which they probably would have regardless…) and that’s a very separate division. Admin and bureaucracy, and Crowley runs Hell like a business crossed with a medieval court, a great combination of King of the Crossroads/Hell and his salesman style elevated to CEO of Hell Inc. 

I think Crowley crossed lines, anyway, by becoming King of Hell because it seems like power used to be all in the military types - Lilith led Hell into war in season 4, and Lucifer basically picked up where she left off. If you assume she’d been in charge the whole time before that as the highest ranking/oldest demon, it would make sense, although in season 3 it’s implied she’s on the rise, so it’s not like ALL the demons recognised this, although how much of that is like the angel fall and personal ego trips (but without the emotional hook from Cas to make it upsetting they’re infighting, and they are happy to be there unlike the angels) making random factions happen, idk… By season 4 anyway the leadership was clear since it was a choice between Sam and Lilith for the demons, and in season 3 early on the demons realised Sam had no intention of leading them like he was supposed to.

I think Alastair is equivalent to Crowley, running his department of Hell (the crossroads deals feed into his torture chamber) and I’m guessing since Crowley came late to the game, only in the last couple of hundred years, he had to Crowley his way up to the top of the crossroads hierarchy, but Alastair was clearly an old demon, probably turned either by Lucifer directly or by Lilith (which is why his eyes were like hers)… 

Cain seems like quite a personal thing for why Lucifer turned him, and we don’t know the timeline on if he made the princes of hell before or after, but the knights of hell are definitely lower on the order… If Cain ever fitted well into the Hell hierarchy, he’d have been in charge of the armies, while the princes would probably have been responsible for everything although all of them except Azazel retired to beekeeping/fishing lives before the story starts, meaning we never see Hell fully functioning. It’s probably been in shambles for hundreds of years - Crowley probably went to Hell ~1700 and Cain defected some time in the 1800s; if you give Crowley 100 years to become demonised, he shows up about the time we know for sure the leadership in Hell is crumbling. Colt and the Hellgates thing whatever was going on there (and what happened to Cold Oak, South Dakota, because that’s serious demon nonsense and probably concurrent) happened just two years before Cain fucked off to keep bees and probably WHILE he was massacring the Knights of Hell depending on how long that took him and when he met Colette and all the stuff that was going on with him. I’m guessing there’s an unexplored story there which maybe even the writers haven’t noticed while flinging random dates for reasons significant only to their episodes (but who knows, it IS Robbie Thompson putting the keystone in, as it were) but anyway, Hell has been in a Bad Way for at least 200 years if not many centuries. The Croatoan episode suggests they were testing the virus back in the 1500s and that never amounted to anything, which means they failed to kickstart the apocalypse five hundred years ago and who knows what damage that did to morale…

Anyway I think Hell is a mess, canon is a mess, and it’s pretty much impossible to work out what all these demons are and how they’re related because they make it up a bit each time they introduce new ones depending on what sounds cool, leading to a “just say yeah when they introduce new canon” kind of response I now have to anything about demons on this show >.>