#I'm trying to be therapy for my mom & I'm concerned about my dad who probably wouldn't accept the help he needs even if you handed it to hi

[isfjmel-phleg]

This is a personal post.

so many people I know are burned out I am burned out and I want to fix that but can't

why must everything be so stressful. for everyone.

[oddball-artz]

I am gonna flood your inbox, just warning you now 🤗

So, you want questions? I'll give some to ya.

1. How tall is Dalia?

2. If she was granted anything she could want, what would she want?

3. Any family? If so, who's she closer too?

4. How does she feel about colorguard? Is she good at it?

5. If she was friends with one of my own oc's? Who, and why would she be friends with them?

6. Lastly, if she was dared to eat dirt for 20$ would she?

Sorry for all the questions! I wanna know more abt her, and squeeze her like she's one of my blorbos.

Here we go, in order! :]

1, Dalia is 5'6, and she's also 15 and weighs around 160 pounds just to cover bases

2, if she could have anything, it would probably be peace of mind. She's usually worried about something or someone, and she puts her concerns about and need to protect those close to her above her own needs. She wants a way to just shut out her thoughts and have the peace her epithet can provide to others, but if she tries to use her epithet on herself it doesn't work, so she's constantly seeking out ways to get that peace, but her thoughts never go away, she can push them to the back of her mind but they're always there and she wishes they weren't. (Lowkey needs therapy tbh)

3, alr family wise she has a pretty big family(so many cousins but I'll make a tree later, I promise) but for immediate family she has 2 siblings, both younger. The middle kid is Esme, and she's 9, and she's pretty close with Dalia (even though some days she makes her wanna rip her own hair out bc omfg does this kid not listen). The youngest is named Jasper, he's 8, and he's sweet, but that doesn't mean he doesn't cause trouble, it's just that when he just does it's more sneakily than when Esme does it. When they play together, it's just basically this (https://youtube.com/shorts/7EVy_Bh6lNk?si=qKcONC0YZzcMUH2b sorry idk how else to link it) Dalia regularly walks in on them being like this and is used to it at this point. Her mom is pretty distant and is constantly working, and Dalia wishes she was around more. Her mom(named Avery) also just kinda pins her siblings onto Dalia whenever her dad isn't home. Her dad(named Carter) is a stay at home dad who's trying his best. He's got a lot going on, but despite it all, he's pretty close with Dalia. They have the same sense of humor, so if you put them in a room together, they constantly crack jokes at each other. He was on drumline when he was her age, and that's part of the reason she joined guard bc she wanted to be involved with the marching band like her dad. She looks up to him a lot.

4, she likes colorguard a lot, but there was definitely a learning curve. If you saw her at her first performance compared to her latest, you wouldn't think it's the same person. She gets super nervous before performances tho (she cried because of her nerves before her first real performance) but the more performances and practice she got under her belt the better her nerves have gotten(she still gets a little panicky before big shows and parades, but nothing compared to how it used to be)

5, Prolly Sabrina, i feel her idgaf energy would ground Dalia in a way(I have a lot of friends with that energy and idk why but it grounds me, so now figuring out why is Dalia's problem lmao) They also have similar music taste(Dalia playlist coming soon) If they were friends they'd totally send eachother fanfic for fandoms they're both in at ungodly hours of the night lmao

6, short answer, no (but if you push, yes.) Long answer no, and not because she's above eating dirt for cash but because she knows she'll probably get made fun of if she does. She folds to peer pressure pretty easy tho (people pleaser) and could probably be convinced to if you pushed her about it.

(Sorry this took so long to make lmao, and tysm for asking questions about her. Sorry if this is kinda bad. I'm a better artist than I am a writer)

[strawberrydykke]

long post basically about nothing

omg up at night and can't sleep which always leads you to make good decisions. anyway i was looking at my ex's sister's reddit account and she made a comment probably about ME. where she said i was really awful to her and to my ex and that her family only invited me to events because they didn't want my ex to isolate himself from them or feel like he had to defend me. and like idk! everyone has their own memory of things. mine is that she was always super rude to me, talked over me, literally transphobic lol. we got in maybe two arguments over the two years that i dated her brother. other than that i didn't like her, but i think i was usually polite. obviously she would disagree. who's to say.

i don't think i was awful to my ex either. i don't think we were compatible, i think he really fucked me over in some ways. i know that i teased him a lot, but i thought that it was good natured couple ribbing, but he took it more seriously, and never communicated that to me until it all came pouring out like a year in. i feel bad about that but at the same time he never told me it bothered him, so like that just sucks! i think i was also nice to him, waaaaaaaaay too understanding of a lot of things (constantly blowing me off, slut shaming me LOL, generally being kind of sexist and racist toward me/my family). i think i supported him, helped him with school, helped him find a job, etc. like it wasn't a perfect relationship, but we were literally 19 so that's normal lol. maybe he thinks i was totally awful, which would be fair, breakups tend to color your view. i thought he was awful for a long time. now i just don't really care. he's a person, i'm a person, we both made mistakes. i don't really wish him well in life but i don't wish him harm either lol. it just doesn't concern me.

to be honest i think i am SUPER bothered by the idea that his whole family hated me and was just trying to keep me from isolating him or something. like obviously, i wouldn't have tried to isolate him from his family. i wouldn't have been mad if he went to family events without me, and i don't think i portrayed that. it's not like i butted in and insisted that i always be invited, and honestly i went to a lot more things than i wanted to because i wanted them to like me! like i am kind of just hoping that this is his sister being dramatic and extrapolating.

i was never that close with either of his parents and my relationship with his dad was always SUPER awkward but i really cared for his mom. she was really nice to me and i have unresolved mommy issues lol. i would like to think i was nice to her back and that she liked me. it's really hurtful to think that maybe she didn't and that it was all an act.

anyway. I will definitely talk about this in therapy lol but IN GENERAL. i'm not going to spiral about this. i think it's fair to have conflicted feelings on the mom thing but i'm not going to let it convince me that i'm actually an awful person or something and i've only tricked people into liking me. i have plenty of great qualities and i have some that aren't so great! but so does everyone else, nobody is perfect. i have friends and i have had a fair amount of romantic interests since then that clearly didn't think i was the worst person on earth. sooooo many people see value in me and think that i enrich their life and i'm not gonna argue with that. not everyone has to like me for all of this to be true and unfortunately sometimes that might include people i see as maternal figures. it seems like a bigger deal that it is because of my issues but really it's okay.

[nathank77]

5/20/24

5:30 Added to/Edited I hope I don't have weird tactile hallucinations attached to mental pictures tonight- I got to take my xanax in a few minutes and get ready for bed.

It just occurred me as stupid as it sounds that as I have gotten older so have both of my parents. When I called the ER. They asked me to ballpark her age and I said 50 something. Come to find out she's actually like 61 or 62 idk. My dad is like 56 or something maybe 57. He was born in 67 and she was born in 63.

I mean as you age and your life is hard and you focus on you, you forget that everyone else is aging too. My mom may make it to 70 but she isn't going to make it to 80...

My dad will probably make it to 80 or 90 bc he is healthy...

I don't spend enough time with either of them. I know I have time and they aren't dead yet but my mother has such limited time. And I'm mean to her so often.

I am only mean bc she's drunk and mean to me. I'm short with her and aggravated and just thinking I could only have 8 more years with her I can't cope with her death.

I can't even cope with the fact that my dad reached out a hand and I can't be around bc of psychosis and he has much more time to live.

All I can do is try to spend one day a week with my mother if she doesn't stop drinking. If she stops drinking I'm going to be overly involved with her. I just don't see that happening.

It's depressing cause I can only do so much with my ocd the limitations I face and she has to clean up after me. I couldn't even hug her yesterday or the day before bc of my ocd and she had blood on her arm and I just couldn't and i hate myself for it but I can't deal with it. My ocd makes my life feel like it's on fire at all times and like I'm one move away from catching like hepatitis c or something....

I got to process this in therapy and somehow start coping with her dying before she dies cause she's going to be okay and then go downhill like a flash of a light... and if I don't spend time with her now it's going to be too late.

It's so hard with psychosis especially with my father cause I actually have to leave the house and be surrounded by people at all times and act totally normal like the hallucination isn't killing me constantly.

I'm trying to put this to bed before I go to bed cause like she's not going to be around for much longer even if we get another decade cause of her drinking and smoking.

I resent her but I also love her so much that the thought of her dying. I'm going to go into a severe depression. I can kinda see it unfortunately bc of psychosis and its like I know it's not too late and that's a good thing. I have time with both of them...

But if I don't actually act now- it will be too late and I can cope with it when I think about how she treated me but at the same time I can't. Cause like I know she's a good person who is severely damaged.

Trying to be around her once a week if she never changes her drinking which I expect is self sacrifice but it's also necessary...

Being around my dad is hard especially after today... and I still don't know what to do about Mark... cause I mean for my dad it's a sign of respect..... but for me it's disrespecting myself and my needs.

One thing at a time though, I'm more concerned about my mother atm. Although he is on my mind bc money holds me back and the amount of people I have to be around to be there.

I got to be the cool brother and when I go there I spend all my time with my brothers and sister bc I never see them... and I don't even spend time with dad and Lori.

I have time and I can do something about it. But I have to act with my mother now. If I don't I won't be able to cope with her death...

The only good thing psychosis did for me was when I was highly delusional... it was commanding me to hug my mom, look her in the eyes and tell her I love her. And hold her hand and just talk to her. I thought the cops were watching me bc Lori heard my thought, "briannas pussy tree." And they wanted to detain me for being a like a pedophile. The cops were proving I was telepathic and were watching me with cameras and this is def a flashback atm... but the only positive thing about it is all the commands were be nice to your mom. Hug her. Look her in her eyes and tell her you love her. And even though I did bc the auditory hallucination told me to and it was all for the wrong reasons. I still made deep eye contact with her and told her I loved her like 40 times and hugged her and held her hand.

So many times she asks me to hug her or hold her hand and I can't bc of my ocd. I want to but I can't cause I don't want to wash my hands... or get Contaminated...

When I wanted psychosis to drop my deadname I was trying to barter with it when it was more intelligent and I said just say my mother's a drunk. And the voice said it was too mean bc it's psychosis and she's going to die and it doesn't want to traumatize me like that. That I can cope with my deadname but when my mother dies I'll remember the voice if it isnt still a thing saying that. It wouldn't go there. It was completely unwilling to say your mom's a drunk. It actually said when she dies it will traumatize you that I said that and I'm not going to do it. That's how you know it's psychosis cause schizophrenia would have went for that and nala and keeki and everything..

The voice also always says, you love your mom so much, I'm psychosis that's why I told you to hug her and tell her you love her.

The problem is psychosis prevents me from not feeling like my life is constantly on fire and so does ocd. And I can comfort myself years from now that I didn't hug her and hold her hand bc of my ocd and I didn't spend time with her bc of her alcoholism.. but I have to do something before it's too late.

Time is so valuable. It passes so quickly and so slowly at the same time and then you realize you let years go by. Years are gone and you won't get them back.

I still have time. However I think what if she dies and I still hear this voice. It will make it so much worse. Or what if it stops and when she dies it comes back bc of the severe depression I'll likely go into... especially if I don't spend more time with her now but even still...

I want to cry cause psychosis and ocd have taken my life and autonomy away. It's taken my peace away and I still have time but it feels like an excuse but it isn't. I'm truly suffering..

My mother is withering away and my time to spend with her is withering away. My time with my dad is withering away. And I mean idk. Idk how to cope with just the thought and then I go okay ill spend more time with her now. And it makes me feel better but at the same time I can't get that time back.

And what about Dad? Do I self sacrifice to appease him? I see my dad like 5 times a year. And it's hard for me to get there. Idk.

God I wish this didn't all hit me right now. It wasn't even the voice.

I was watching family guy and seeing the old guy Herbert beat up another guy and I was thinking about my mother and her age and I realized she isn't going to make it to old age. I can't see her making it to 80.

My brain is like a constant fire. My life is like fire all around me. My mom gives me so much anxiety. My dad gives me a different kind of anxiety. And I want to be more involved but my mental health is so vulnerable. My mother isn't healthy to be around. But not being around her isn't healthy either cause I won't be able to cope....

My dad is more healthy to be around but hearing him on the phone today not much has changed. He expects me to sacrifice bc mark just disagreed with me but he disagreed with everything I am. My entire existence.

So idk. I got to try to laugh or something and remind myself I have time. I have therapy tomorrow. I'm going to try to be nicer to my mother cause I know she isn't going to change i want her to but I know she isn't. I'm going to try to hug her more and hold her hand more. It's just hard to be like now I got to wash my hands.

I remember on Christmas when I had covid and so did she I couldn't go to my dad's house and we played cards all day and we sang Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.. and I started hysterically crying and I hugged her bc it reminded me of my childhood us singing together. I want to go to dance classes with her and sing with her more and spend more time with her. I'm going to only go to my dad's on Christmas eve and spend Christmas with my mother every year. I used to go to my dad's both days. Once I got covid that was the last year I went to my dads on Christmas. I chose to spend Christmas with her last year so she didn't spend it all alone. And I'm going to keep doing that.

Yet her words cut like a knife. But it's what I want to do. Seeing her sober and how different she is it's like I want that version of you so badly. I can forgive you. Bc that's the real you. I want the real you.

I wish I had someone to talk to. I'll go see my mom after therapy tomorrow she's still vomiting. I don't think she's coming home tomorrow/today.

I still have time. Idk what to do about Dad with mark or with our time and my limitations bc of the distance and money. I don't want to go. Yet now I kinda feel like I have to...

I know what to do with my mom. Spend more time with her before it's too late. Cause it could only be 8 more years.

Just thinking she could have ruptured an organ and died on the floor Friday. It haunts me and I was 3 states over. I can't stop her from drinking and killing herself but I can spend more time with her before it's too late. She doesn't even remember the fall still. I wish I hadn't went to new Hampshire. All that matters is she is okay. And I still have time.

Time is something we all take for granted. It disappears and if we waste it, we lose so much and somehow I have to use my time to be there for both my parents and for me. But for them bc I love them both so much. But I also have to consider my mental health, I'm very vulnerable.

[amethystblack]

I've been backreading your asks and responses WAY more than is healthy. 😅 But one story I'm curious about is: What was your coming out + transitioning like? (You don't have to answer if you don't want to.)

I put this off for a while for no real reason, but I don't mind.

The first person I came out to was an-ex girlfriend. It led to us breaking up so I un-came out for a while. Then we were friends again and she moved in with me and started going out again but she was supportive now. She lent me some old clothes, helped me get new ones, and was there supporting me when I had the talk with my mom.

My mom has been very supportive by and large. She always told me she wouldn't mind if I were gay-- and, well, I am. Just not in the way she expected. Still, the initial conversation was not graceful on her part. She fought it from the angle of being very convinced that because of being trans, I would be targeted and beaten to death. She grieved, but then she educated herself and did her best.

I left my existing job after coming out to my boss. The workplace had "this is a safe space" type signs plastered all over it in the first place so I wasn't really concerned about her reaction-- but she basically said "yeah no surprise there". Still, we agreed I should leave the job because it would be difficult to keep the respect of our clients (at risk inner city youth-- lots of rowdy teenagers who had never met a trans person, etc. the decision was ultimately mine)

I started going to school full time in my last year of university. I couldn't legally change my name, but all of my professors were supportive. I was already in the gender studies course so that was probably part of why, but also I was lucky to be born in a liberal city.

When I presented male, I isolated myself from my peers. I didn't really have anything in common with boys, but I was afraid to reach out to other girls in case I made them uncomfortable. Then, after I realized I was trans (but before I came out), I felt like there was no point in trying to make friends under an identity that was going to go away. So for the first three years of uni, I basically just didn't talk to anyone. It made it easier when I did eventually present female. I didn't make any lasting friends still, but I at least had conversations and it felt much better.

Next was therapy to get clearance for HRT. I was able to find one who specialized in gender issues, but I was very prepared for a drawn out slugfest where I was waiting forever to 'prove' that I needed help. Because I was already full time, it didn't take that long. The main thing my therapist wanted me to be sure to do was come out to my other family members. Of those, I was mainly worried about my dad and my grandma.

I met my dad in town for my birthday and told him over lunch. He ended the conversation asking if I wanted anything for a present. I told him the only present I wanted was for him to accept me. That afternoon he went and bought me a 3DS instead. ...But after some time he eventually came around too.

My grandma was republican, conservative christian, would go on to vote for trump-- etc. I was quite sure she wouldn't be accepting, and I was ready to cut off my extended family entirely and never speak to them again. She was offended that I thought she would place her ideals above her concern for me as her grandchild. She didn't entirely get it-- but she ultimately was supportive of LGBT folks, and she was supportive of me. She had a hard time adjusting to using the right pronouns and name, so she and I ended up having a running joke where if she messed up my name, she would be like "Oh, just call me Harold." It was awkward to have to remind Harold (tm) in public sometimes, but not for lack of her trying.

Honestly I don't remember when I came out online, but people had thought I was a girl for years beforehand and I'd used the name Amethyst since I was 14 or so, so it was probably pretty unremarkable.

Changing legal documents was tedious but happened. Jobs were scary but I had passing privilege even before HRT. HRT was slow but being on it, feeling like I was getting better rather than worse, was all I really needed. Time and estrogen heal all wounds.

I've been a little choppy with this so it isn't too long-winded, and yet it's still half an essay. But I hope something in my experience can help you, anon <3

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

[misskittysmagicportal]

I’m A Creep

Fandom: The Messenger Jack x Rin Davies

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: suicide discussion, oral sex, penetration, mention of masturbation, angsty whomp because OOOOF is Jack a Whomp!character

Note: The events of this fic contain spoilers for those of you who havent seen The Messenger.  It takes place after the end of the movie.  Read at your own risk if you haven’t seen it!  If you want it’s free on Tubi :)

Present Day:

Jack stood beside Rin in the dead of night watching her sleep for just a moment. Only a moment because she roused the instant she sensed him breathe. Sitting up, she quickly reached inside the nightstand. He knew her routine, Rin was impulsive about making sure her leather motorcycle gloves were on before she let him in.

Jack wordlessly pulled his shirt over his head and stepped out of his sweatpants and boxers. 

Rin lifted her covers and opened her legs to him. Obliging, Jack lowered himself onto her showering her neck with kisses. His tongue and lips trailing down along her collarbone, erection hard against her thigh. A hand found its way under Rin’s t-shirt and over a naked breast where he pinched at a nipple. 

“Jack,” she was breathless. “Stop. Don't touch my skin, please.”

Jack pushed himself up by the arms, “How is this enjoyable to you, duck?” A northern term of endearment. “My thighs ah touchin’ you aren't they?” The moonlight caught his eyes as he teased her with the head of his cock. “What about this, inside you?” Suggestively whispered. 

Rin moaned but held her cool. “It’s not the same. Like you said, that's inside. It's just my.. skin. From my..” her voice trailed off. 

“Would it be so bad? I just want to feel you under me without fuckkin clothes.” Jack took a chance and kissed her. Tongue pushing inside of Rin, but she stiffened. “Sweetheart,” now he whispered, just his fingertips brushed her cheek. “Please, love, just touch me”

--------

Several Weeks Before:

Rin sat alone at a center table in the middle of the visitation room.  This wasn’t her first rodeo, probably won’t be her last.  She flexed her hands outwards the leather of her gloves cracking and flexing in a satisfying manner.  No one was going to come and see her. Besides, the solitude allowed her to quietly spy on all the other nutters around the room.

Just to her left Rin noticed a pretty redheaded woman and her son as they sat across from probably the most attractive guy ever in an institution.  There was a tenseness to the way he sat, shoulders hunched and hands between his legs.  His hair unruly and a blank stare that wasn’t really focusing on- she came to realize-  his sister and nephew.  Rin knew him from group therapy where he was equally quiet, eyes glassy from a psych med cocktail.  The majority of his speaking hours tucked away in that overbearing therapist’s office.  

“Jack, will you please just look at me?” his sister, Emma tried her best to reach out to her brother. “I.. I think Martin and I made a mistake.” 

Jack only stared straight ahead between Emma and his nephew, Billy. The preteen looked uncomfortable and scared as his mother nudged him softly. “It's ok. Billy tell Uncle Jack.” 

“I did, Mom” , his voice quiet. “I'm supposed to say no. That you should get me help before it's too late.”  Rin watched as Billy folded his arms and laid his head down. “Only I can't. It's all night and day, Jack. I can't sleep because they don't have you.” 

“Best leave him here with me then, Emma.” It was the first time anyone heard Jack speak in weeks. His sister had a posh accent, so Rin was surprised when Yorkshire dripped from his lips. “For good, right?” 

“That's not fair. You are sick, Jack.  You weren't caring for yourself. You.. you got too involved with that murder. You were hurting yourself,” Emma struggled with tears. “I want to take you home.”

“Oh like I'm some kind of fookin dog? Emma you and Martin made it clear I belong here. She's right, maybe it was all dad. That's traumatic you know.” 

“You deserve someplace warm! A home. Please, Jack. I found this in your things.” She slid a newspaper clipping towards her brother. “That's the boy who drowned. Why.. why didn't you tell me?” 

“Loads of kids drown in pools,” Jack stated bluntly with a shrug. “Why should your pool be any different?” 

“I never said it was our pool.” 

“I recognized the address in the article”

“Jack, it's from two years ago.” 

“I got lucky. Ah we doon here? I have walls to stare at. Here Billy you can have this back,” from between his knees he produced a glass paperweight with a scorpion inside. “Tell all ya mates Crazy Uncle Jack sends his loov” 

Jack tried to stand but Emma grabbed his arm. This was Rin’s cue to swoop in. She swiftly moved from her table to theirs. 

“JACKIE!’ I've been looking for you everywhere!” His eyes panicking in her direction. “I'm Wren,” she took her glove off and reached a scarred hand in Emma's direction. “But my brother couldn't say it so you can call me Rin” She smiled brightly. 

Emma tentatively shook Rin’s hand, smiling in turn.  Rin took a moment as her mind’s eye zoned in on what was inside of Jack’s sister.  It was a loneliness, a desperation to take care of her little brother but protect her son from the same fate.  But most importantly Rin felt a small tingling of warmth from somewhere deep inside of Emma’s heart.  It was white and pure and instantly recognizable as hope.  Even though it was tiny it was growing and starting to spread, and Rin knew Emma was eager to share that with her brother.

“Wow,” Rin blurted, “I wish my brother was as invested in me as you are.  You’re a good person, Emma.  Trust me,” she winked.  “Woman’s intuition.”

Emma narrowed her eyes and studied the crazed looking woman standing between her and Jack.  The scars on Rin’s hand raised some alarms, but Emma ignored them.  She omitted a relief and let go, “Well thank you.  Can you talk some sense into my brother?”

Moments later, with the visitors gone, Rin sat down in Emma’s place.  “Thank you is a start,” she teased Jack. 

He rolled his eyes and slowly turned in her direction to face her dead on.  The intensity of his eyes took Rin by surprise.  “Thank you,” the sarcasm poured like a waterfall.

Rin took off her other glove.  “Now, Mr-”

“Jack is fine.”

“Jack.  Tell me,” Rin feigned a German accent, “Und why do zey sink you are crazy.”   

He blinked slowly.

“You got sectioned.  What bullshit excuse did they force you to believe?  Because it seems like Lovely Emma is desperate to get you out, and we know how hard that is.”

Jack took an impossibly deep breath, “Schizo-effective disorder with some dissociation, post traumatic stress disorder, non-suicidal self injury disorder and depression.”

“Fuck me, that's a trail mix of bonkers. Now ask me” 

Jack closed his eyes. They were shut for so long that Rin was certain he had fallen asleep having given in to his meds. His hunched, thin body sort of folded a bit in on itself. A moment of possible self-soothing when he started to sway. 

“Jack?” Rin's tone fell quietly with concern. She poke his arm carefully avoiding touching the skin. “Darling what cocktail did these quacks put you on.” She was an expert after all these years; if the drugs were working, no way would he be this much of a zombie.

Green blank eyes hidden behind enviable eyelashes attempted to focus “Seroquel. Clozapine?” His words start to slur a bit. “Fine. How fucking barmy are you?”

“Well,”  the young woman softened, “I have suicidal ideations with self-injury tendencies myself, severe clinical depression, a bit of the old borderline personality disorder and wait for it..”  she practically whispered a few inches from Jack’s face, “total emotional attachment to partners.”  

The skin around Jack’s eyes crinkled as he squinted just enough to indicate his hazed brain was trying to process everything Rin just unloaded. His lips parted to speak but he paused resulting in a gobsmacked expression.  “You’re barking.”

“Says the sexy scarecrow with journo clippings of dead boys.”  Rin pursed her lips and crossed her arms, “Why are you really in here Jack.”

“I’m fucking mad.” It was matter of fact.

“To quote the Cheshire Cat, we’re all mad here, love.  Look at me,” she held her hands aloft to display gnarled and prominent scars covering both hands in their entirety.  “I developed a gift or two by primary school.  See I can touch a person, and I know what they are feeling.  Except it.. It goes deeper than that.  I can PICTURE their true selves.  It’s a bit overstimulating, but no one can lie to me.  Not really.  Doesn’t do much for my sex life.  Or lack of one really.  Honestly, you put a cock in your mouth only to find out the guy you’re with is fantasizing about slitting your throat and wanking in your blood.”

Jack shook his head, “Jesus christ.”

“Well yes! My parents were religious zealots, right?  They got wind of my gifts.  Tried to use me in the church, but I rebelled.  Long story short, darling Mumsy and Papa decided if they may be stuck my hands in boiling grease I wouldn’t be able to use it anymore.  It’s not in my hands though.  It’s in my skin,” Rin smiled almost pleasantly. “Sometimes I get a bit over the edge.  I stop shielding myself from the pure air around folks, I suffocate in it.  Then,” now she held out her wrists, “I have my little accidents.”

Jack’s mouth hung agape.  His brows furrowed in confusion, “You are off you’re fucking nut.”

“That’s all relative.  Now, you can tell me why they REALLY sectioned you.  What power or ability are they masquerading as mental illness, or I can find out my way.”  Rin shrugged. 

“Why the fuck do you care?  I’m sleeping at night.  I have food and a bed and a shower.”

“Und electro-shock zerapy, und coma inducing psychopharmaceuticals, und most importantly you has lost your voice und a chance to harness your ability correctly.”  that mock German accent again.  “You shouldn’t be here, Jack.  Emma certainly doesn’t think so, and neither do I.  You’re special.  Or that bitch shrink wouldn’t have made you the living dead.”

Jack snorted followed by a rather loud.  “Just fuck off. Fuck off.  Fuck off.  FUCK OFF!” he screamed in Rin’s face.  Not once did she flinch, arms crossed again in a challenge. Disgusted by her, Jack kept bellowing his words thick with anger and cotton from the meds, “I DON'T BELONG OUT THERE EITHER!  I DON'T BELONG IN HERE!  I DON’T FUCKING BELONG ANYWHERE. HE’S DEAD.  SHE’S DEAD.  EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF THE CUNTS IS DEAD!  DEAD DEAD DYING!  JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” 

He shot up out of the chair to leave, but Rin caught his large hand.  Skin to skin, hands so small together they barely covered just his one.  Instantly her body stiffened as she gasped for air.  Tears immediately stung her eyes as she crammed them shut.  There in her mind was just a large body of water.  Ocean waves crashed overhead as she sank far below the surface.  Dark, cold, horrifying that sensation of being drowned.  Rin choked on the last bit of oxygen in her lungs and started to suffocate.  The hand she held brought her mind’s eye around to opening under the water to see Jack floating near-motionless in front of her.  It took all of her strength to push against the tide towards him where she held his face in her hands.  Death and decay flashed above them, the dead peering down from boats just waiting for Jack to return to the surface.

Rin strained to convey that tiny bit of hope Emma had passed along to her earlier as she pressed her forehead into Jack’s in the icy deep.  There was no reason in particular that she was drawn to him.  Not in the hospital or here trying to save him from drowning slowly. Was he attractive, undoubtedly, but that wasn’t all or it. Maybe it was now that she knew he was a messenger, a harbinger of death.  That was itself a form of an empathic gift.  Or it was just compassion. 

Suddenly Jack’s eyes burst open.  In that languid way your body moves underwater, he pushed her away.  His arms and legs thrashed around in a panic as if he only just realized he was allowing this place to kill him.  There was an instant loss, and Rin’s inner self slammed into a brick wall.  The physical Jack had severed the connection between her body and his.  To resurface that suddenly forced Rin gulping in blessed oxygen that she never really lost.  It was an illusion, where the two of them had been.  He really had shoved her back though, she realized that now.  Storming out of the visitation center, Jack left Rin alone to cry.

--------

Several days later

Rin lounged against the wall outside of Jack’s room with her gloves firmly in place.  Patients weren’t SUPPOSED to fraternize outside of the common rooms, but Rin had been here a few times before.  She knew which orderlies and nurses to finess, and which to avoid.  In this case Jerry was the giant, affable St Bernard of a man that kept watch in this particular hallway.

“Wren back so soon?” he teased. “What are you doing hanging around the human handbook for the recently deceased?” 

“Delightful, Jer.  How is he?  I mean really.” Rin hooked her thumb in the direction of the room.

“Easiest patient I’ve dealt with on account of he rarely speaks, pops his meds and keeps to himself.  Gave us a bit of a row when he first got here, but I like the guy.  I don’t know what to believe though.  His sister’s been sniffing around administratives.”  The orderly shrugged his massive shoulders.  “Heard you took quite the piss on visitation day.”

“I didn’t take the piss!” 

“Did ya do your handsy thing,” Jerry made jazz hands.

Rin’s eyes almost rolled back in her head, but suddenly there was a figure in the doorway which caused her to jump.  “How about we don’t talk about the nutter like he isn’t 10 feet away and only 27 years old?” Jack insisted.  His arms crossed and shoulders sagged in their usual way.  

“Can we talk?”  

Before Jack could truly answer, Rin had already pushed past him and sat down on his bed.  His mouth hung somewhat agape before he eventually joined her.  Jack attempted to sit close, just for some human contact, but the young woman beside him shied away.

“Right,” a retort.  “You’ve started being just as bloody fucking annoying as they were.”

Startled, “Who?”

“You know those.. Schizo delusions I’m here for.”

“The dead?”

Jack’s green eyes narrowed and Rin knew there was a sarcastic remark just sitting there waiting to be released.  Instead he curled his posture as if he was trying to fold in on himself.  Make himself smaller, less noticeable.  “Dissociations sparked by my father’s suicide.”

“Psycho babble bullshit jargon.  Congratulations, you’ve become a parrot.”  Rin waved her hand, “Jack has anyone ever-.”  There was a hesitation.  

“Has anyone ever what? Go on, enlighten me then”

Rin started stripping her gloves off but thought better of it.  A sense of foreboding, of drowning and clutching her chest for hair flashed across her mind.  The loneliness emanated from Jack without her touch. That empathic conduction of her skin.  Reaching instead to place the soft leather against his cheek, her thumb brushed his bottom lip.  Her eyes searched for him in that moment where time stood still before a mouth replaced a thumb.  

To not only Rin’s surprise but his own, Jack didn’t recoil.  His body relaxed as instinct took hold. There was a fervor in hands that got tangled up in hair.  Tongues fought each other as arms made their way around bodies in an embrace.  They held one another tight, the desperation apparent.  

The spell broke when Jack laid Rin down on the bed and let his warm mouth trail down her neck. He was awkward and hungry like a teenager.  He fumbled around her chest to attempt massaging her breast. 

A snort came from Rin simply to hide the panic of rushing water when Jack’s lips came into contact with her skin.  Maybe hers found it easier to beg off that inner eye from opening, but now she didn’t have a choice.  They weren’t as deep with the surface just rippling only a few inches away.  

Before she started to lose oxygen again, Rin began to squirm.  “ Stop.  Please?”

Jack sat up and faced forward as if nothing had transpired.  His cheeks flushed and a hand tugged at his tee-shirt embarrassingly then stuffed between his legs. He blinked a few times as he breathing calmed. 

“I only came to ask you if anyone had ever shown you affection.  Held you.  Emma.. Emma”  Rin inhaled deeply as she forced Jack to hold her glove hand.  “I know she sort of longs to hug you.”  Back on his cheek to make him look at her. “Obviously I got my answer,” she laughed. 

Jack silently replied by pushing his forehead into Rin's.  They laid down again this time with their heads on his pillow legs and arms tangled up in each other. Jack nuzzled the edge of his nose into the skin behind her ear; her breath caught. Then the couple seemingly melted together.

“Jack you seem less-” fingers twisted up in his curls.

“Like a walking coma patient?” hand gripped the thick of her thigh.  Then reaching a shelf above Rin Jack seized one of those creepy glass paperweights housing a floating tarantula. Turning it over underneath to show a tiny white envelope. “I started hiding my meds. Pass them along to my sister when she visits.”

Just under the surface of the water, still struggling for air exploded before Rin's eyes. Perhaps she had passed something between Emma and Jack. Was it her own faith that was transmitted to him? That first touch that woke him up after all this time. 

The next few weeks became a game of trial and error. Of how little or much Rin and Jack could consume of each other.  Kissing was no longer an issue once the meds began to wear off, lips and tongues and mouths. It felt more like standing ankle deep in a bathtub. Warm and comforting; it was Jack that was overpowering.  

Eager to make up for a very long very lost amount of time. He stumbled along Rin's body uneasily because of how little clothing she removed at first. Not that he was in a rush to reveal what was underneath his oversized shirt and sweatpants. He wasn’t the one recoiling when the stimulation overwhelmed.  

“I'll take off my shirt. Touch me here, but where the fabric of my bra is. Tease the nipple with just your fingertips. No that's.. maybe under? Touch them. Oh God. Now your mouth. Right there.  Are you.. you took your shirt off too?” (She marveled at how defined, muscular Jack's body seemed despite his slight stature)   

Jack took initiative now and slid his fingers inside of Rin. He pumped them a few times guided by her ``Oh.. maybe you can touch me.. Do you feel.. It’s like a bud or a kernel.. Here let me.. It’s just right.. OH GOD.  Right like.. ”   And she would ride his hand and fingers that circled that bud.  

Rin would cry out in surprise.  Her body exploded in ecstasy. They weren't drowning anymore. Just swimming, bobbed under the water and surface. It was the sense-memory of suffocating, coupled with the dazzling pleasure of Jack's warm tongue as it teased her nipples, his strong fingers teasing her clit at the same time. His hot skin meshed with hers washed out by fear.  She apologized as they scrambled to arrange themselves. 

“Don't think I'm going anywhere for quite some time, my love.”  His words changed with the possessive my in lieu of the once meaningless sentiment. He would steal a chaste kiss from Rin whose cheeks flushed to match his own as he made that familiar adjustment between his legs.  In the future, Rin would come to him without a bra but reluctant to take her shirt off when Jack kept on never minding.

Jerry became an ally of sorts. He always had been on Rin's side after she read him her second section. It wasn't difficult to get him to believe in Jack's abilities. Staff has whispered down the corridors that Jack had suddenly found himself aware of a suicide attempt.  That dead reporter Emma mentioned, his fiancé had taken more pills than Rin ever fathomed any number of her attempts. (She had a flare for dramatics: slit wrists) Jerry mentioned Jack had a tantrum the likes of a toddler screaming the name Sarah whatever over and over, pounding his fists into his head to make whatever haunted him. Sure enough, this Sarah was found nearly having bled out and foaming at the mouth. 

“How would he even fucking know, poppet? Not unless Jack really was chatting up her dead fiancé “ As if that was all he needed, Jerry turned his back and caused distractions all the nights the Empath and her Beautiful Broken Man longed to be together.

It was stunning the way Jack learned to manipulate the system.  Only Rin, and reluctantly Jerry, knew he pocketed his meds.  Safely tucked away in those ugly arachnid globes in the pockets or purse of Billy and Emma.  He started talking more in group therapy and far less in private sessions.  Engaged in conversations with his sister and nephew, true ones that resulted in a simple smile or a laugh free from a facetious tone.  To the staff and doctors those fucking psychopharmeceuticals worked.  To Jack’s sister and nephew and whatever Rin was to him, there was a slowly lifting weight making the air around him lighter. Yet Rin kept her hands to herself.

More trial and error.  In the midst of fervent kisses, Rin took Jack in her hand.  A stroke or two was all she got in before he spasmed and came.  The mortification that flashed in his eyes as he curled in a fetal position between her and the wall while she whispered reassurances in his ear.  Touching him, caressing him and eventually taking him into her mouth became easier and longer with practice and patience.  

They laughed into each other’s mouths before Rin let her tongue trail down over his stomach. Anxiously Jack took off his pants and boxers, lying backwards.  He held the back of her head, moaned and twisted as she licked and sucked on him. His hips bucked and thrust upwards.  

-------------------

Present Day, Again

“Would it be so bad? I just want to feel you under me without fuckin clothes.” Jack took a chance and kissed Rin. Tongue pushed inside of her, but she stiffened. “Sweetheart,” now he whispered,  just his fingertips brushed her cheek. “Please, love, just touch me?”

Rin took a moment to think.  He wasn’t drowning anymore.  She could push that old feeling out of her third eye and bury herself in new ones.  She took a hold of her shirt and tossed it on the floor.  She took the erection that twiced against her thigh and held it just outside of her pulsating and ready sex.  With hands that sunk into her vunerable skin, Jack buried himself inside of her. 

That fire from Emma all that time ago poured from Jack’s body into hers.  It pushed back the water as he pumped rhythmically into Rin.  Building into a frenzy quickly, his pelvis crashed into hers before she could really come around to what was happening.  It briefly conquered the fears from before; caused hot tears to spring to her eyes that flowed uncontrolled down her cheeks.

In his fervor, Jack noticed and bent to kiss them away.  The gesture she had made that first time, a thumb brushed across her cheek and lower lip as he slowed his pace. Wren,” he took to calling her that tentatively.  “What is it?”

Before she could answer, Jack became distracted by something in the corner of the room.  Eyes passed between Rin and whatever it was that she couldn’t fathom or see.  She took his chin and focused it on her as they crashed together and apart again in another wave of building friction. It was too late though, he had abruptly pulled out and away from her. 

“NO!  STOP!  LEAVE ME ALONE!  CAN’T I HAVE ONE MOMENT OF FUCKING HAPPINESS WITHOUT ONE OF YOU LOOMING OVER ME LIKE A FUCKING PERV.”  He used fists to beat out a rhythm on his temples as he scurried to the corner of his bed with knees up to his chest.  

In the frenzy, Rin had been knocked to the floor.  Jerry had rushed in, he was never too far away just in case.  In a whirlwind, he picked Rin up with one hand and with the other attempted to intervene between Jack's fists and his head.  What could either of them do?  If attention was drawn to the room, surely the doctors would realize Jack had gone unmedicated for weeks.  Jerry’s eyes wide gestured towards Rin’s hands.  She shook her head, but Jack carried on.  

“Go on Jenny Wren, there has to be something your hands can do.  I’ll lose my job and you’ll be separated.  They’ll put him back in the Zoo.”  He was already yanking her arms forward and trying to remove her gloves before she could consent.

Rin knew The Zoo. It being rooms that could be monitored with two way mirrors.  You got a bed and a blanket.  They controlled when the lights came on and when they turned them off.  No privilege, no real structure.  They fed you, bathed you, and gave you “playtime” when they said.  No matter how you suffered from mental illness no one deserved that. She would never forgive herself.

“JERRY LET ME DO IT MYSELF!”  Rin bellowed if only to out yell Jack and his fit.  “Make her go away!  LEAVE ME ALONE” he cried underneath her.  Her hands free, she flexed them a few times before joining Jack on the bed.  She clutched his forearms and struggled to get a grip enough to pull them away from self-harm.  “JACK!  YOU HAVE GOT TO FUCKING STOP, MY DARLING.”  She slid her hands over his temples before he could punch them anymore.  She used the heels of her palms and pressed.  

It was immediate, the way her mind opened to him.  This time he was floating along the tide in a boat surrounded by what Rin could only guess were dead people.  They grabbed and tugged on Jack’s clothes.   Rin sat on the other side from him between two oars; she used one to swat at the ghosts who tried to pull them back in.  But there, walking along the surface, was a beautiful young woman.  Blonde hair flowed in waves down her back.  Sarah.

“You said we would be together, Jack.”  She was angry.  “That’s what you told him when he warned you I overdosed.  I survived that attempt, but not the second one.  Where is he Jack?  Why isn’t he here waiting for me?”

Jack stood up and the boat began to dangerously rock. Rin took his hand and he squeezed it in return.  He bellowed at the dead woman, “YOU SURVIVED AND HE MOVED ON.  I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU BEING FUCKING STUPID, SARAH.  WHAT I TOLD YOU WAS MEANT TO EASE YOUR GUILT.  HE LOVED YOU.  YOU WERE SO LOVED.  HE DIDN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR MISTAKES.  YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME ALONE.  ALL OF YOU.  I’M FUCKING DONE.  MOVE ON.  GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.  I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE OF MY KIND.  AND FUCK OFF BILLY TOO, MATE.”

“Jack?”  Rin spoke softly.  The hands gripped her tight in place of him.  They started to pull her in with him because he was useless now.  He stood up to them for possibly the first time in twenty years.  They would take her instead then.  

Jack seized Rin’s body before she could go over in his place.  He held her fast and tight and shielded her from them.  “NO.  You don’t fucking get ANYONE I love.  Not Billy.  Not Emma.  Not Martin.  No Wren or Rin.  AND YOU DON’T FUCKING GET ME ANYMORE.”  He took the oar up in his free hand and swung it around the bodies in the water.  He jabbed it forward like a sword at Sarah still pacing the side of the boat.  “GO, SARAH.  HE’S WAITING FOR YOU.  I PROMISE THIS TIME”  Jack insisted and pleaded.

Then it was so silent it deafened both Jack and Rin as they clung to one another in the boat.  In a flash and explosion, they separated and landed back on the bed in the room in an institution.  Jerry panted and pawed at the two of them dazed and uncertain.  Jack blinked a handful of times with no recollection of what just took place in his head and Rin’s.  They never knew or remembered Rin had learned.

Jack scoured the room for any sign of Sarah or anyone else.  He rubbed his eyes a few times then sighed heavily.  “I.. I want to go back to my room now.”  It was matter of fact.  

Jerry nodded and helped him back into his clothes.  Jack stumbled a bit but managed to kiss Rin sweetly before being led away and down the hall.  Rin knew Jerry would probably give him something to help him sleep at least for the night and probably into tomorrow.  She was afraid Jack had woken up a second time.  Not just from his nightmare of the last twenty years, but whatever happened between them.  It was a price she had to pay sometimes when she helped.  There was something Rin longed to say earlier.  What made her cry was an ember somewhere deep inside of Jack that he had never experienced before.  For the first time in his life, he had hope.

[protectbrowngirls]

(1) Hi! I'm the anon you asked to resend the first part of their message - I will try to summarise. I'm a brown girl at home from college/university due to health reasons and I'm super concerned about my mom's unstable and erratic behaviour...She seems to have these phases/episodes where she goes "crazy" and will scream/cry/break things and generally act erratically. This has been going on for many years but has gotten a lot worse now. Recently she also keeps saying to me that she is going to kill herself and that she has depression (before she had also said this in an emotionally manipulative way). On top of that, she has been using me as an emotional dump 24/7 (literally) to vent about her issues with my dad's personality and gets mad if I say I am uncomfortable and don't want to listen - she insists I "have to" listen. She's also created a lot of silly and unnecessary drama with some of her family recently. I know she needs help and so does my dad, but with the stigma around mental health in South Asian communities and her unawareness of how her actions affect others, I'm pretty sure it's going to be difficult to convince her to get therapy. Thank you so much in advance💕

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this level of emotional burden. I can’t imagine how exhausting this has been for you. I’m sure you’re already aware that you shouldn’t have to deal with this, but I want to reiterate that this is all WAY beyond your pay grade. You shouldn’t have to act as your mother’s confidante. You shouldn’t have to be her caretaker. I know that doesn’t make this situation easier to deal with, but please know that any distress or discomfort you are feeling is valid.

The behaviors you’ve described are definitely concerning, and the suicidal ideation (saying she’s going to kill herself) alone is enough to warrant professional help. Unfortunately, it sounds like your mother is unlikely to willingly seek that help. Which means that any attempts to get her professional help will probably set her off. If you want her to get help, you’ll have to prepare for her to fight back. That may take the form of hysterics as an attempted guilt trip, or the form of promising she’ll get better (only for her to revert to her behaviors once the threat of professional help is gone). She may pressure you about what will the family say. She may insist you must hate her to do this to her. But you have to remember that these are all defense mechanisms on her part, and that she needs help you straight up aren’t qualified to give. Start preparing now to either ignore her outright, or placate her with non-answers like “I love you and I want the best for you.”

One approach you may want to consider is framing this whole thing not in terms of “mental health” but in terms of concern for your mother. “Mom has been talking about suicide. Dad, you and I can’t watch her 24/7. I’m scared she’ll do something erratic while we’re both busy. I think we need to bring her to an inpatient facility to make sure she’s surrounded by people who can keep her safe.”

You may also be able to call Adult Protective Services (if APS or something similar exists in your country). APS will be able to put you in touch with resources and help you develop a course of action. If they determine your mother is in immediate danger, I believe they may also be able to get her help without needing her or your father’s permission.

Finally, if you need to go nuclear, you may want to start treating all of your mother’s threats seriously, while framing it as a matter of being concerned for her. What I mean is, the next time she says she wants to kill herself, say “Mom, it scares me when you say that, and if you say it again, I’ll have to call 911 or take you to the hospital to ensure your safety.” Your parents may say “This is normal, this will pass, stop being dramatic,” but you need to insist you’re going to take these threats seriously. And then call 911 next time. The appropriate authorities will put her on suicide watch, and hopefully this will be a wake-up call to your family.

In all of these cases, your family may see you as the bad guy. But you know your mother needs help. And you know you’re out of your depth. What matters most is getting your mother that help, no matter what people will say. Remind yourself that you’re doing this because you care for her and want her to be healthy and happy, and she has demonstrated that she’s unable to achieve that health and happiness on her own. Her behaviors are harming both her and the people around her. She needs help for all of your sakes.

Finally, this is a huge burden for you to carry. And getting her help is probably going to be an extremely emotionally and mentally draining ordeal. If you aren’t seeing a therapist already, I would urge you to seek out professional help yourself in order to unpack and/or process all of this. Many psychologists and therapists have sliding scales for people who can’t afford therapy, and your university may offer some free counseling sessions as well.

[fiddler-unroofed]

WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS ON THE PARENTS I'M,,,,, CURIOUS. ALSO YOU'RE AWESOME AND YOUR BLOG IS AWESOME K E E P I T U P I'M SORRY FOR YELLING AAAAAAAaaaaaa

WOW OMG THANK YOU THIS IS A VERY NICE COMPLIMENT!!!! ESPECIALLY SINCE MY BLOG IS JUST A JUMBLE OF WHATEVER INTERESTS I HAVE ATM!!!!!!! THANK YOU AGAIN, I FULLY INTEND TO KEEP IT UP AND GET EVEN MORE MOTIVATED TO WHEN I RECEIVE LOVELY MESSAGES LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! ALSO IT'S FINE TO YELL I LOVE YELLING

EXCEPT NOW I HAVE TO GRADUALLY EASE INTO LOWErcase so I can actually answer the question sgshsgg

My opinion on the parents is pretty mixed tbh. I saw the episode kinda quickly since I was with my boyfriend, but I shape opinions (and headcanons) pretty fast anyway so here goes nothing

Harrison's parents

-I remember screaming 'HOLY FUCK THEYRE RELIGIOUS. THEYRE RELIGIOUS AND THEIR KID IS MAGICAL HOLY FUCK HARRISON IS HARRY POTTER' when they approached David. My boyfriend can verify this

-They don't hate Harrison, but the situation at home is far from warm

-'My mom says I'll grow into my looks!' Yeah she did before you abra-kadabra'd your brother off into the abyss

-A Good Christian Family™

-Probably with Good Christian Names™ like Mary and Harry

-Harrison's name is the family meme. Get it? His dad's name is Harry. Harry's-son.

-Probably have motivational Live/Love/Laugh quotes plastered everywhere

-They're still trying to be supportive of Harrison,,, they're just scared out of their wits haha

-6/10 on the parent-o-meter. Try harder damn it

Preston's grandmother:

-Sweet old lady who bakes (and probably burns) cookies

-Has no idea on what her grandson does, but supports it anyway

-I have a pressing urge to call her Etta

-But seriously... what's up with Preston's parents? Why couldn't they make it? Are they busy? Did they forget?? Are they dead?? Does Preston live alone with his grandmother, loving her to death and all but growing increasingly worried as her health and hearing falter, forcing himself to remain calm and simply raise his voice instead of cry like he wants to? Did he take up theater to help him hide his concern??

-Anyway 8/10 on the parent-o-meter for Etta, keep it up sweetie, you're doing amazing

Nurf's mom

-Y'all can say what you want about her but at least she showed up

-Seemed to really take Nurf's advice to heart

-Screwed up in the past, acknowledged it, and now just really wants to be with her emotionally constipated son again

-Thinks only wimps need therapy. REAL men/women deal with their problems by KILLING someone and GOING to PRISON

-Knows how to crochet. Has probably stabbed someone with one of them needles

-7/10 on the parent-o-meter. She's trying

Nerris's parents

-A well-functioning, healthy relationship with both parents AND the child in CAMP CAMP? It's more likely than you think

-My boyfriend fell for them both I swear

-Nerris's dad definitely taught her how to play D&D, Nerris's mom is just along for the ride

-A good family! a BEST family!!

-Nerris has no idea how good she has it

-10/10 on the parent-o-meter :0

Dolph's dad

-Don't really have an opinion on this dude

-He seemed okay

-Kind of a dick concerning Dolph's art and German-ness but overall whatever

-6/10 for not catching my interest lol

Space Kid's whatever

-Same as Dolph's dad sorry

-Except... less of a dick 👍

Nikki's mom

-Jesus lady you need to tone it down a bit, no?

-I actually thought she was Nikki's older sister for a sec

-Her sex drive is more present than her love for her daughter

-Very disappointed in her. No wonder Nikki wants to be raised by wolves

-Stoned 1/3 of the time, drunk 2/3, uninterested 3/3

-Then again...at least she showed up

-5/10. Get a life please. Or better yet pay attention to the one you currently have

-ALSO SERIOUSLY? RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CAMPERS??

Neil's dad

-PURE

-TOO PURE

-GOT AND WORE A MATCHING SHIRT WITH HIS SON! TEACHES PHILOSOPHY!! HAS A PUPPET NAMED SOCK-RATES!!!! USED AFOREMENTIONED PUPPET AS A CO- wait

-Makes the worst puns

-Calls looking something up 'using the google'

-Going through a bad divorce, tries not to show how upset he is that Neil visibly prefers his mother over him

-9/10, a good man

Ered's dads

-COOL. GAY. DADS.

-ERED HAS TWO (2) COOL GAY DADS

-AUTOMATIC 10/10 SORRY I DONT MAKE THE RULES

Hope that covers it for ya, nonny! I hope you dont mind I took some liberty with the names..

Thank you so much again for your kind words, and this ask! 💘