#IF U BELIEVE THAT FICTION IS FICTION AND DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING THEN WHY ARE U SAYING TONI MORRISON BELIEVES INFANTICIDE IS A GOOD ALTERNATIV

[1eos]

i was just thinking abt beloved heating up my pizza when i see a literal pro shipper say sethe is wrong for killing her child and that she should have just gone back to the plantation. and its an interesting desensitization to the horrors of slavery where you see being treated as chattel to be worked, beaten and sexually assaulted as a sensible choice over death. like 'oh just go back to the place where you were beaten nearly to death and assaulted by a bunch of men that's easy!' and its funny bc both that fucking idiot and the characters in the book have more revulsion for sethe than for the perpetrators of the other option. there was a high chance beloved would die at the hands of a slave master anyways like toni morrison isnt saying killing your children is the solution its that slavery is also death! it's death of the soul! and oftentimes death of the body! and the book doesn't even think sethe is noble like she suffers for her pride MULTIPLE ppl say this outright while also acknowledging the horrors of slavery. there is no 'right' answer there is literally no lesser evil......bc its fucking SLAVERY LIKE ARE U SHITTING ME RN

[mdanon027]

Back in his arms | Spencer Reid x FemaleReader

Back in his arms | Spencer Reid x FemaleReader

Masterlist

Summary | Three times Spencer Spencer Reid seeks for physical affection (Inspired by some of the Prompts from the list seeking out physical affection by @creativepromptsforwriting )

Word Count | 3095.

Warnings | I don’t think there’s any warning, if you found something triggering, please let me know.

Side Note: I don’t own any of Criminal Minds characters, words, or narrative. This is only a reinterpretation and fiction based on the Criminal Minds Universe they continue to develop. Also no repost is allowed. If you ever see this on another website, please let me know.

1. acting like they're cold to have an excuse to cuddle or share clothes or blankets

After a long case, the team was exhausted. The flight back to Quantico will take at least 8 hours, so they decided to travel back immediately after they ended the work. 

The flight was at night time. Close to the winter season, the weather is changing. So what better opportunity to get close to the person he was enchanted with, than get warm while getting close on the big couch of the plane? 

“Why are you so cold?” JJ asked Y/N.

“I really don't know, probably the warm weather before getting to the plane and the air conditioner here it's giving me chills.” She said while warming her arms.

“Did you know the average temperature in planes is about 22 to 24 degrees? That's because while we are flying the temperature outside is about -60 degrees…” He started to talk, until she interrupted him.

“So… I should be grateful?” She asked him while getting on the seats.

“They leave the temperature that way to have the average one on land, it is supposed to make you comfortable.” He said while passing her his own sweater.

“I was planning on saying no to your sweater, but I'm going to say yes because I'm really cold.” She told him while putting the sweater on.

They took their seats, and the flight began.

“Go Pretty Boy, it's the perfect time for a snuggle.” Said Derek passing by with a coffee, giving him a smirk.

“I don't know what you mean.” He decided to play it cool. 

“Don't play dumb.” Rossi told him from his seat.

“What are you talking about?” He knew perfectly what they were talking about, but he knew that if he admitted it, the teasing would have no end. 

“Leave him alone, if Reid doesnt what to make another move, then he won't.” Hotch said.

“Another move?” He asks now, curious.

“I mean, giving up your sweater even when you never ever take it off on a daily basis? For me it was a move.” Now Hotch was profiling him. 

“You are joining them?” He couldn't believe that the man was joining the fun.

“It's not that I'm joining, but if you want to make a move, you should start doing something.” Ended Hotch getting back to his report while smiling. 

After two hours of flight, everyone already had a quick dinner and some of them were almost ready to fall asleep. But Y/N was still cold, so he finally decided to use his knowledge to his advantage. 

“You may not say anything, but I can see you are getting colder, we can share the blanket.” He said while looking at her while she trembled.

“I think it’s a great idea.” She stood up from her seat and got close to him on the couch.

Spencer makes a space for her, and covers her up with the blanket.

“High stress levels can cause flu-like symptoms, such as fever, cold, nausea, and body aches. There's a high possibility you are about to get sick.” He said while looking down at her.

“Probably. This case was a mess, thankfully we resolved it.” She said while shivering.

“Layering clothes to get warm could prevent the colds. But right now, the clothes are limited, I can give you a hug, if you want to.” He said while feeling his face getting warm. He took the chance to have her in his arms. At that moment he could hear some laughs from the seats, apparently the interaction wasn’t as private as he thought.  He looked around to see his teammates giving him thumps ups while Emily said “Nice one!”.

He wasn’t sure on how to act properly on how to start a romantic “relationship ”. The few times he had experienced, were either brief and the closest he had, ended up in a tragedy. 

Thankfully he was learning to live with it, with a new hope of finding someone to spend his life with. But he was wheeling to take a try.

2. fixing the other's hairstyle to let their hands run through their partner's hair

He was an expert talking for audiences. He usually did not get nervous about it, after conferences, seminars or even giving classes at college, it was easy peasy. 

But it was the first time Y/N was going to talk to an audience giving a class of her expertise. 

She was good at talking to the press when needed, or even to groups to calm the masses in times of fear. But it was different to try to explain situations to people in dangerous situations than teaching young people how to act as a mediator in dangerous situations. 

She knew how to react, but one thing was doing it and another different to explain it.

Rossi invited Hotch and Y/N to give a lecture on how to act on situations that involve firearms and detonation objects. The team knew she was one of the best ones in that field, with no mistake shots, amazing disarmament skills and extraordinary knowledge on bombs (just like Derek teached  her on her Academy days).

They spend several late nights together (sometimes with the other members joining) practicing her lecture. It had anything and everything that could possibly happen, and she was ready for any possible question. 

All the team was there to support her. 

“I’m nervous.” Y/N said while fixing her hair looking through the window reflection.

“Garcia is inside getting ready with your slides. Take a deep breath, you're going to do great.” Hotch told her.

“Yeah, you practiced a lot and if anything happens, you just need to talk about the heroic job you do every day.” Said Rossi, while getting close to the door of the exhibition room. “Hotch and I are going to start, and then you will proceed.”

“A brief introduction and you will continue.” Said Hotch, entering the room.

“You will be doing fine! If anything happens, we are going to be inside, just look for us if you get really nervous.” Said Emily, while Derek and JJ get inside the room.

“You are going to do just fine, just like we practice, remember it's more a talk than a class. They want to know how it's going to be in their future work field.” Spencer told her while opening the door for her.

“You are right, in that room we are the only ones that know how things actually work.” She took a deep breath.

“Let me fix the final details from your hair.” Spencer told her before Rossi and Hotch started to talk. “All done. You can do it. If you get nervous, just look for me and start talking to me.” He winked, while getting to his seat.

Rossi and Hotch started the talk with certain facts and background about de BAU, and proceeded to let Y/N start explaining.

At one point of the lecture she got so passionate about it, that she started to pass her fingers through her hair thanks to the constant hair interrupting her view. While brushing it, she didn’t notice it was beginning to get disheveled. For sure her attendants didn’t care about it, they were deep into the information the expert was giving them for their future work field.

By the end of the lecture, the students were ecstatic with the knowledge they received, even asking for her contact info for future references related to their courses, some of them asking their professor if they could invite Y/N again in the future. 

Rossi was right to invite her.

The first one to arrive was Spencer.

“Let me fix your hair.” He said while brushing his fingers through her hair.

“Again?” She said surprised.

“It's kind of untidy over here.” He continued,

“Was like this all the time?” She said with little worry in her voice.

“For about more than half of your presentation.” He answered.

“Really? Why didn't you tell me something?” She asked him.

“That could be distracting for you.”He finished fixing her hair. “All done!”

“You could make me a sign.” Y/N told him.

“You didn't even look at us, and your hair gets that way when you start to talk really excited about the things that fascinates you, it always blocks your vision and you start to adjust your hair.” Spencer commented on that fact.

“Why haven't you ever told me that?” Now she was curious.

“Because you look cute that way.” He answered her. “Now come here, let me congratulate you.” He proceeds to give her a hugh, she is back into his arms. “You did marvelous over there! A natural instructor.”

“Thanks for helping me rehearse over 20 times.” She couldn't express how grateful she was with him.

“Actually, it was 34 times.” All he could hear was her laugh. “Not that I was counting.” He was in fact counting. She just smiled looking up at him.

The next one to approach was the team.

“Come here.” Penelope said while hugging her really tight. “You did amazing, my friend!.”

“You think so?”

“Yes! The presentation was amazing, really to the point and with the details that needed to be exposed.” Said Emily while joining the hug.

“Of course Y/LN.” Said Hotch while giving her a smile. 

“You were outstanding, I made a good decision to bring you with me today.” Said Rossi. “Whenever you want to come back and give another class, we can arrange you a spot.”

“And not forgetting that I teached you the basics back in your days.” Said Derek giving her a big hug. 

“You should give a class together.” Said JJ, getting close to congratulate her dear friend.

“Thank you, every single one of you for helping me get prepared for this.” Y/N with a big smile on her face. “Especially Spencer, thanks for listening to my lecture 34 times.” She said while giving him a hug.

“This deserves a celebration! Dinner at my house tonight!” Said Rossi from behind.

Everyone started to walk away, to finally celebrate another accomplishment that one of their teammates got.

3. reaching out with their hand without saying anything, wanting the other one to grab it

Spencer knew the basics of dancing. Really the basics, it took him time, but Derek and Penelope helped him during their free times. 

You may ask, why?

Rossi was doing his annual Christmas Celebration, only with the BAU team. It wasn’t a big deal of a party, but for sure a ball in small proportions. An attempt of dancing was another opportunity to be close (at least even more close than what they already are) to Y/N, and he was taking a chance. The team kept teasing him, but later he realized they were just trying to help him to get with her, and he was willing to take their support.

“Pretty Boy, it’s time.” Said Derek.

“I don’t know, we only took a few lessons.” Said Spencer unsure.

“Believe me, you will want to hold her close for a while.” Said Penelope.

“What do you mean?”

“You will know soon.” Ended Derek.

From afar, he could see Y/N and Emily talking, they were really into the conversation while JJ and Will made comments, they were really into it.

The music started to sound in the background and Rossi, as the extra person he was, made an invitation so they could start to dance while the turntable was in the works of preparation. 

Derek and Penelope were the ones who opened the dance floor, following behind Hotch and Beth, and JJ with Will.

Hotch gave him a look and a nod pointing to Y/N’s table. It was time.

He built up courage, got closer to the table and reached his hand so she could take it. Without hesitation, she took it. He started to walk to the dance floor.

He held her close. Was like a dream. And they started to dance.

“I didn’t know you could dance.” She said to him, in a low voice.

“You don’t know a lot of things about me.” Spencer told her.

“Well, I know a lot about you, but this one specifically wasn’t in my radar.” She ended.

They kept slow dancing for several songs, making small conversations between some comfortable silence moments. It wasn’t weird, they could almost talk through their eyes.

Until she decided to talk again.

“I’m probably leaving.” She said really low and slow.

“What do you mean? You can’t leave.” He wasn't expecting this type of news.

“It’s only for a time.” She wasn't looking at him.

“Why?” He was confused, wasn’t she happy with the team?

“Emily recommended me to the Interpol for a special training. Apparently one of the asistans from the lecture I gave, it’s interested in me teaching their team on explosive objects. Derek also sent a letter, endorsing my knowledge in the topic.” She finished.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” He really wanted to know, they were supposed to be close.

“I didn’t knew. They just told me this morning. I’m still thinking about it. Hotch and Rossi already knew, and are encouraging me to take it. But first I wanted to ask you, what did you think about ir.” Oh, that was it.

“Is my opinion that important?” Maybe they were more than close friends. 

“You are the closest friend I have, in my personal and professional life. Most of the time, you are my teammate.” She spoke. 

The next few songs were danced in silence, she kept her head close to his body listening to his heartbeat. What could he tell her? It was a great chance for her. He wasn't going to stop her professional growth.

“You should take it.” He finally spoke his mind.

“Really?” She finally looked at him.

“You are amazing at doing your work. It would be a waste of your talent not taking this opportunity.” It was the truth. 

“But it's a long time, and I'm going to be away from home and alone, and without you.” It sounded like she wouldn't take the chance of being far away trying new things.

“It's only two months, even though I’m not a big fan of technology, we can video call each other whenever you want. You already know I have a non average sleep schedule or even we can message all day.” 

He promised, now they were close, he took one more chance to hold her back in his arms as close as possible for the time they had before her departure.

+1 turning their cheek to get the other one to give them a peck

After being gone for more than two months, thanks to the fact that she was required for a special task outside the country (by Emily's and Derek's recommendation), she was finally back with the team.

He was waiting, with her favorite coffee, pastry and a flower plushie (he knew she was allergic to them, or at least the ones of this season). 

They talked every single day since she was gone. He knew all the things she did overseas. But he wanted to know about them again, even if he repeated them in his thoughts every time after they ended talking, he needed  to see her face in real life while talking and to get lost in her eyes. 

He couldn’t explain how he felt about her. She was more than a colleague, more than a teammate, more than a friend and he believed more than her soulmate. 

During this time afar, he realized what truly was to care for a person, even when they were not physically together. It was the same feeling he had for his mother, there was no day he didn’t speak to her, and the same thing happened with Y/N. 

While growing up, he was used to either getting ignored or being made fun of.

But she always listened to every single fact he had to say, when he talked fast about something he is passionate about, or only listened and talked to him about his thoughts.

For sure he was in love with her.

She arrived at the office, while everyone was there to welcome her back. She passed by a line of hugs and warm words. She was missed in the team.

After all the greetings,she started to look for him, she was wearing one of his sweaters he lent her for the trip, and proceeded to give him a hug. He had never received a hug as tight as the one he was experiencing. 

“I missed you so much, Spencer.” She said with an almost inaudible voice while burying her face in his sweater while catching his scent.

“I missed you even more.” He told her, while topping her head.

“Even if we talked every single day I was gone?” She looked directly into his eyes.

“It’s not the same, a screen can’t take a chance than talking to your pretty face.” He was smiling.

“Oh, Spencer.” She whispered close to his cheek ready to give him a peck, she was the only one allowed to do it.

It was now or never.

He turned around.

It was a small peck. And he looked delighted.

“I'm so sorry Spencer.” She said, astonished. While looking at him with those beautiful startled eyes.

“I'm not.” He said back, getting another peck from her. This time she was also smiling, but stayed silent. “If you want me to stop, please tell me something,”

She shut him down with a proper kiss. 

“The kid finally did it.” Rossi muttered to Hotch.

“He took his time.” He said while smiling. Everyone knew they eventually ended up together.

From the other side of the room, their teammates were giggling at the young ones.

“Well, it’s sad I have to break it to you, but we have a case. To the round table.” Said Hotch from his office, getting close to Spencer while giving him a palm to his back.

“Oh, come on Hotch, let the love birds have a little more time.�� Said Derek getting close to Spencer and giving a small side hug to the both of them.

“Come on, we have work to do.” Spencer said, giving her a last small kiss, and started to hold her hand while starting walking. “You are never ever leaving my side, ok?”

“Ok.” She couldn't believe it. She was amazed with what just happened. 

There was no better welcome back.

Back in his arms. 

Autor’s Note: Hello Again! As I told you before, I'm in my Criminal Minds Era, so this is the second time Im writting about this!I wanted to post if before my +10 hours flight to my Holiday Vacation! Its probably the last thing I'm writting/posting this year related to an original work. I was feeling inspired this days. I hope you like it!

If any of the authors I read ever read this, to let you know I always go as anon (thanks that this is my side blog) and I always sign as -MD💜 or -MDanon027💜 (@mdanon027). Thanks for the inspiration!

Also, please be honest if you like it or nah. Any comment will help for future personal writing skills. And if you see any misspelling, I’m sorry, I already reread it several times, and English it’s not my first language. Please don’t mind on telling me to correct anything.

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

hater moment alert

Cannot stand the girl autism is more acceptable than boy autism bc masking take….i can abide by shitty takes on fictional shit but i cannot let shallow analysis of real issues slide. What the hell is boy autism and girl autism!!! The neat splitting of the complex process of socialization, the ways healthcare works as a system of control that often disregards symptoms of women, the complex way ppl punish the ways ppl diverge from gender roles esp for women, and how diverse of a disease autism is. I know this is a complicated discussion in healthcare bc how we view behaviors differently w gender but dare I say a big reason women (just like poc in america) are underdiagnosed is medical neglect LMAO.

This is like an actual pet peeve of mine. Theres so many stupid long held medical myths in the field like the symptoms of heart attacks are different for women vs men w no statistical bearing or were borne out of statistical malpractice (nuanced topic im not gonna fully get into abt how health data is analyzed). We (i hope) are moving away from this stupid biological determinism ohhh diseases present differently in different genders/races/whatevers bc of (biological differences/genetics/epigenetics and ooo this doesnt have anything to do w the long standing beliefs eugenics still has on how we view health ooooo bc eugenics was #cancelled and theres no troubling inheritances from it ) and acknowledging the reason why mortality differences exist are overwhelmingly bc of health inequities. I know behavioral issues are different. But they are often medicalized similarly and demographics are often homogenized when within groups ppls experiences are incredibly diverse. Anyways.

edit: this is not a dont trust the medical system go to a naturopath instead thing. Naturopaths are scammers. I generally think its a good thing medicine has moved to having evidence behind it, but our ways of collecting and executing it can be deeply flawed.

edit: its in bad form to make medical claims without sources and i dont aim to spread medical disinformation. Here are mine and you can draw your own conclusions:

the most commonly cited study on difference on presentation based on gender for heart attacks is the framingham heart study. A more recent cohort is the GRACE (the global reg of acute coronary events). U may look at these stats and go hey some of these proportions in initial disease presentation do look different between the sexes and even is statistically significant. Which is true. But it must be noted that atypical symptoms are common in both men and women (1/4 roughly vs 1/3) which means when assessing for a heart attack, you should be checking for atypical symptoms in both men and women because it occurs often. I dont believe these ratios are clinically actionable, tho some ppl disagree. Now the fact women get advanced heart treatments, get put on standard medications less often than men etc, I think thats much more actionable.

There is also something to be said abt what statistics measure. Which in population studies is: are the prevalence or outcomes of the disease different between these two populations? Which if you theoretically rounded up every man and every women in the US that has had a heart attack (which the populations in these studies are a proxy for) the answer would be: yes. But also if you rounded up everyone in the state of Minnesota vs everyone in the state of Montana, you would also have differences between manifestation of disease in these two states. The question is how large and why—the why is a question stats have a harder time elucidating.

Another question is what is the utility of dividing the groups to compare each other when there are infinite ways you could split groups up. You probably would not argue that there are inherent biological differences between people who live in Minnesota and people who live in Montana, but if you found enough difference, perhaps you could make an argument that there may be a difference in health infrastructure or policy thats driving that gap. But then youd have to further investigate. There is no approach in statistics where you can avoid the responsibility of interpretation. Now how does that get into how sex and or gender is traditionally interpreted in health studies. Well stay tuned to if i still feel like talking abt this. Bc this is complicated.

[daedalusdavinci]

i know you didn't intend this, but your fic new growth made me lowkey ship harvey and talia and now i'm a little hurt no one else has written any kind of dynamic for them

thats hilarious. i love doing that to people im ngl. im also shocked no ones written anything! i mean theyre two of bruces most iconic exes, and people write bruces exes hooking up w each other all the time. plus, there is a SLIGHT basis for it in canon (which is more than exists for harv n clark, but theyve got fics). i honestly think it has to do w the fact that the dent system just... doesnt fucking have a lot of fics to begin w (im p sure theyre written as villains in other ppls stories usually), and while i havent checked the bruce n talia tag, im certain its in a sorry state just based off of other fics ive seen w her. ppl r not kind to talia in this fandom (and we know whose fault that is!) and the dent system is. woo. thats a whole other conversation

but! i must enable you anon.

we know that in canon, harvey and 2f are both demonstrated to have a thing for women that can kick their asses. they are. fucking hilarious abt this, actually. im not going to touch on the renee thing at all bc ive never read any of those comics but their reaction to manhunter (probably 2f?) makes me fucking laugh. she nearly kills them and theyre like damn is she single? lol. get a GRIP pLS 😭 and the fact that harvey does actually hit on talia once while she goes turncoat on the rogues and manages to evade every single one of them? you know they like her. if nothing else, they have to respect her. its harder for me to speak to whether or not talia would like them, but harvey and bruce are parallels in a lot of ways, and she has a much greyer sense of morality than bruce, so do that w that

i also just have to say i love the potential of their dynamic purely as like. this is a person bruce has loved and been changed by and i have to find respect and appreciation for what they meant to him. i think they have a lot of potential as good friends in aus where the system is a little more morally gray or trying to recover, and ive always believed that most good friendships in fiction can be improved w a little flirting. and i definitely think the system would flirt. bc harvey and 2f are. insufferable actually, oh my god. i dont think i acknowledge that in fics nearly enuff bc its bruce and bruce is Bruce and so its different bc hes Too Valuable to lose but they are actually kind of obnoxious flirts im ngl to u??? why are they like this.

im not sure where im going w this but lol its early here

[notfivefr]

恋に至る病/(disease that leads to love)/ Barah Cinta —by Shasendo Yuki [ ! ! spoiler warning ! ! ]

OH BROOOTHER! Thriller jp light novel and their plot twist man. Im gasping so much at the ending brooo. She’s so slay im cryingasdhdhs.

For starter, from the synopsis at the back, I can tell this is a story about a girl, Yosuga Kei who is talented enough to host a suicide game that drives 150 deaths. And this story is told by the mc’s pov, Miyamine who falls in love with her and promised to not leave her alone eventho he knows everything is wrong.

I was like, damnn. Dark romance that is actually a dark romance? (im not romanticize this shit yo, this is a horror story done right. It’s a horror story I wish to only exists as fictional) Well people love yandere right? The obsessive lover doing anything to make sure they stay together with the person they love even can resort to violence (mental illness thingy). I kinda hesitant in this one la if it only one-sided love, as it definitely bring so much non-consensual stuffs (ew). BUT, when both of them are obsessed with each other thoo (SLAM HANDS ON DESK “LET’S FUCKING GOO!!!!”).

For example la, in this story, at first u can tell the girl likes the mc, that is why she helps him who is getting bullied to the point of suicide (almost), by fabricating a suicide of his bully (she’s fucking kill him omfg). I mean, is it obsession? Or just being highly responsible she makes a stupid decision?? She hates seeing Miyamine gets hurt and her first thought is to kill the bully? Heol.  Miyamine actually know she kills that bully and he feels like he terhutang budi with her. She also convinces him that the bully deserve to die for what he has done to him. He agrees, and he also feel responsible for what she had done—he makes the perfect, smart, pretty, kind girl that also only the one who is nice to him despite getting ignored by the whole class, getting involve in a murder.

Okok, the dynamic here is like a perfect girl capable of anything, and a timid boy trying to change for a better so that he can protect the girl later (is he actually love her tho? Or just rasa bersalah to leave her?) And later on highschool (they are now a couple), when Kei confess that she leads Blue Morpho, a game that manipulate the already suicidal people to actually commit suicide, Miyamine thinks he is the one who turn Kei into that kind of monster. The murder by Kei during the elementary school changed her, because of him. So, when Kei asks him to be her hero, who is going to stop her when things get too extreme, he agrees right away. He definitely need to protect her and I believe he loves her so much that brings him to feel that way.

Thru out the story, i slowly feel Kei actually doesnt love Miyamine, especially when it later reveals that Kei is actually deranged from the start, even before the bully murder thing. She just need someone to sacrifice in case she almost get caught (devastating, no romance just pure psychopathic manipulation NOOOOOO)

Miyamine my man, I thought he can be rational as he try so hard to save Kei. He tries multiple time, asking Kei to stop the game, find reasons to persuaded her until it's too late— Kei suddenly dying in his arms, with her psychotic laugh and Miyamine who determined asf to save her face, destroying all the evidences that leads to her as Blue Morpho 's owner. Then? All the blame will shift to him la.

I was like,, WHY THE FUCK? He's so close to exposed her to public why is he suddenly wanna protect her?? Hello???? Are u actually in love with her despite all the manipulations?? OHMYGODDD (Im giggling so much on this part like HELL YEAH!)

So yeah,, Kei died, public knows Miyamine as the psychopath behind Blue Morpho— as he got questioned by the police, he tells them that he threatened Kei to take part in his crime, takes all the blame etc etc. (the detective part is kind of turn off la, she basically can tell that Miyamine is lying, believes he is brainwashed by Kei etc but my boy is still so firm about it lolol)

THE ENDING THO?? THE FUCKING ENDING reveals the object that Yosuga Kei hold so strongly in her palm during her dying moment is an ERASER with ink blot on it (Miyamine believes behind that blot is his name)!!!!!!!!

If you’re not familiar, writing the name of your crush on an eraser is a superstitious practice that is supposed to lead to your crush falling in love with you.

So thats why he's so determines to protect her. At first he kinda hesitate right?? Kei is a psychopathy manipulator that is just using him for her deranged stuff. But then that one eraser, that fucking eraser confirm everything! KEI ACTUALLY HAS FEELING FOR HIM?! My guy is in his lover era and he feels that very strongly (what the fuck am i even saying). It's a little bit fucked up tho.

Oooohhhh im in love. Good one right there 9.5 out of 10.

[cleumz-moved]

yandere genshin hcs bc why not lolol

characters included? venti, lisa, albedo, kazuha

style? headcanons!

warnings? yandere behavior, obsessive behavior, unhealthy relationships, manipulation, violence, mentions of death, some spoilers abt lisa's life, lmk if i missed something

anything else? this is a work of fiction, i do not condone yandere behavior.

under the cut bc of the warnings mentioned above!

venti wont hurt anyone u care abt bc he lost his friend nd doesnt wanna put u thru that. he also wont capture u bc hes the archon of freedom lolol

what he will do is make u dependent on him, make u think that ever1 else will abandon u, hes the only 1 whos gonna stay around

its kinda like cult mentality, most of the time u arent stuck there, but it feels like u are, like this is just how it is now, u cant abandon him, not ever.

NEXT CHARACTER LINE BREAK <33

lisa knows she doesnt have long. and she knows its selfish 2 keep u all 2 herself. but ur her lil cutie pie! she doesnt think she can handle being w/o u.

she lets u roam, but only a lil. she has connections, if u try 2 escape somewhere in mond she'll find u within the hour. if u go a lil further, he old classmates r notified by lisa and they look 4 u.

she wont hurt u. not rlly anyways. if u cant seem 2 learn that she'll find u no matter what, and u keep trying 2 get away, she might just have 2 shock some sense into u.

shes going 2 enjoy her time w/ u, and its up 2 u whether u enjoy it or not.

NEXT CHARACTER LINE BREAK <33

next up, is albedo, he cant tell if what he feels in infatuation or a craving for knowledge. he wants 2 know abt u. he wants 2 know everything abt u.

he isnt above kidnapping u, but he justifies it as 'those nasty people will taint my specimen! i wont have it.' he want the results 2 be valid, doesnt he?

he guilts u into staying, ur either stuck up in dragonspine w/ no way out, or locked up in his house, with klee, kaeya, or himself 2 keep u company.

oh, and another thing, u need 2 like his family. bc he cant choose between u or those hes found. and he cant let u stick around if u dont fit his needs.

NEXT CHARACTER LINE BREAK <33

someone else who doesnt want 2 lock u up, is kazhua. please, believe him, he didnt wanna have 2 keep u in the ships hold. but when u threatened 2 throw urself off the ship, bc death would be better than his crazed affection, he just had 2 take u seriously.

he would love to wander teyvat w/ u, making flower crowns, and silly jokes. but he cant stand the thought of u leaving him. 'please my love, i lose tomo*, and now u?' tears well in his eyes when he says this. he makes u feel guilty abt leaving.

beidou actually doesnt know. i mean, kazuha is one of her trusted colleagues, and when he says the crate in the back is just some 'personal belongings' she believes him.

*i think tomo is the name of his dead friend, lmk if im wrong tho lololol

—FINISH.

ahah, i might do a pt 2, lmk if thats something u guys would be interested in!

[perceabeth]

annabeth felt like she wasnt wanted even when she was bc her dad was getting a new wife and some more kids? idk its pretty accurate to how kids feel when that stuff happens. it complements her character in a way that i actually REALLY like? its like shes stubborn and believes shes right and she IS smart but that doesnt mean she cant be wrong or eventually open u to others perspectives. and idk if my kid said they were being bit by spiders and there were never any spiders or bite marks i would think they were making it up? not in a negative way but just in a way that kids OFTEN do. sorry but kids do make stuff up and all you can do is listen to them. it doesnt make someone neglectful for listening and still just not believing someone.

even wayyy back in titans curse it shows that annabeth feeling unwanted was more of a misinterpretation or miscommunication than any actual hostility. her dads kinda an idiot ngl but athena randomly stuck some absent minded professor type who was obsessed with his work with a kid? i dont think he even did anything to contribute to annabeths existence so this is one of the few times where pregnancy isnt the least bit the guys responsibility and he just wasnt prepared for it. idk as usual way more than the humans it comes down to the godly parents being terrible

and when did they leave her for dead? she ran off and ended up at camp half blood. tbh literally the safest place for her if shes being hunted by monsters? and what are they supposed to do, drag annabeth kicking and screaming to a place she doesnt want to be? thats technically more dangerous for her? just for her to run away and end up dead the next time? all they can do is let her know shes welcome whenever she wants, which they do?

idk i think i kinda vibe with percy cuz my household was seriously unstable and volatile growing up, while in annabeths case it seems miscommunication and annabeth not realizing what she had? that doesnt make her stupid or bad, just fallible and... a literal child? children often arent appreciative that doesnt mean they're brats or spoiled or ungrateful, it means theyre kids.

sometimes when u do things like this, just. stop and think to urself: am i reading a post to find a way to argue, or am i, in fact, interested in what OP is saying ? if u are not interested, just stop reading !

no, actually, i would say u are wrong !

first of all, she was seven years old when she decided to run away. do u know how many seven year old kids try to run away from home? just about everyone. if ur child runs away, it is ur responsibility to look for her lol. u can't go 'aw no she's gone? ok whats for breakfast x' babes that's insanity. besides, she must have been on the news all the time considering she was traveling with Thalia, and we all know how much press coverage Percy got based on how much trouble he attracted as a child of the big three- Thalia's mum was dead, Luke's mum was driven mad. What excuse do the Chases have for never coming looking?

she was seven and a demigod, a fact both frederick chase and his wife were fully aware of :) another thing they were BOTH aware of: the existence of this camp for kids like her. Why, my love, do u think it's normal for them to not only let her run away, but also not even consider for ONE secnd making the trip up to Long Island to drop her off so at least they'd know she was safe? A child is, whether u like it or not, a parent's responsibility, actually, and Annabeth got dealt a shit hand.

ok, they didn't see the spiders, but they did see the webs, did they not? usually when a child is traumatised and begging for help, u don't ignore it because that's how children are- u ask them to describe their experiences, and if it does persist, it's cause to have them checked out, actually! ur thinking of imaginary friends and a child's inability to make out fiction from reality- but in this case, it is actual trauma. just bc they're children does not mean u can dismiss their fears and thoughts!! refusing to care for a child's mental health or seeking treatment for it is, in fact, a form of child neglect which is child abuse.

her stepmother made her feel like she was putting her children in danger- that is not something that a seven year old concocts in her own mind. she was still learning how to join her letters or what a fraction was, she was incredibly young lol. she ran away from home and literally would have rather starved or gotten eaten by monsters than return. that's how unwelcome she felt in her own home- whether or not that's how the parents felt as well, it was their responsibility to keep her safe, to bring her back and assure her that she had a place with them- not when she's fourteen and missing and possibly on the brink of death, but when she's seven and tries to sneak out of the house. furthermore, it should never have been Annabeth reaching out to them twice after she ran away to amend things. Frederick should have been on his knees at Camp begging for her to give him a second chance he was a grown man who destroyed a child? And after ALL of that, he wanted to move her to San Francisco, where he knew was far too dangerous for a girl like her. He repeatedly chose just about anything over her. Risking a child's safety? abuse, baby!

and this argument is probably the worst defence of Frederick and I see it so often it's ridiculous. YES, I understand that he didn't do anything that would warrant a child. I GET that- but he had options, did he not? He could have dropped her off at CHB, given her up for adoption, have someone in his massive family care for her? Are you telling me that if handed a baby that u don't want, you would just leave it on the pavement and go about ur day? that isn't an excuse lmao a baby has done NOTHING to hurt u why would u punish it?? that is the single most terrible excuse i'm so sorry i know i'm being extremely nasty to u but unfortunately u are just. one of the thousand people coming to me like this and my patience has worn thin. this rly isn't personal i promise lol

You vibe with Percy, that's cool but just because his home was one form of godawful does not mean Annabeth was privileged to be born into her family. the thing is, it doesn't seem at all like miscommunication- but it's written off as miscommunication. that's where the issue lies. Because her storyline is far worse and Percy's narrative dismisses it because he had it rougher. through the course of the books, Annabeth has a lot of personal biases and she learns to undo them. She's wrong a lot, emotional, hurt, stubborn, as u said- but based on textual evidence and extrapolation, this was not the same case :) obviously, u are welcome to walk away from this thinking i'm wrong, and that's fine, but please don't send me another message lol i'm not gna sit here justifying what feels quite obvious to me in the books!

[juststrugglingwithstress]

Siblings in Writing

(edit: this was not supposed to be as mean/angry as it sounded! this is really just one type of sibling relationship, albeit a type of relationship i often see underrepresented in writing. my experiences are not everybody’s experiences, and i’m sorry for the parts of this post that make it sound that way. use whatever kind of sibling relationship you’d like--just make sure your siblings have fought (small or big disagreements) at least once!)

ANGRY INTRO

yall. PLEASE. NOT ALL SIBLINGS CALL EACH OTHER “sissy”, “sis”, OR “bro”.

I DON’T CARE HOW CLOSE THEY ARE. ANY AND EVER SIBLING PAIR HAS FOUGHT. and TWINS?? a lot of twins aren’t as close as you think they are. i know like 3 pairs of twins and usually they are TEARING EACH OTHER’S THROATS OUT.

me and my brother???? we have our nice moments where hes like “hey adele look at this thing i drew, do you like it? i don’t think i did a good job but--”

“i think it’s really cool”

but most of the time???????? he calls me bitch and i insult him TO THE MAX.

PLEASE EVEN IF THE SIBLING PAIR YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT IS CLOSE, THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY THEY ARE AS CLOSE AS YOU THINK THEY ARE.

younger siblings do things they would never, ever do with anybody else solely for the purpose of annoying their older sibling. older siblings, at times, will go into homicidal rage.

ALTERNATE GREETINGS:

“what’s up?” “go away” “no”

*silence*

“hey” “hi” *separate ways*

“hey full name other doesn’t usually use” “I literally hate you so much”

older: “NAMEEEEEEE! mom/dad/other wants you!” younger: “fuck off” older: “i’m going to break your nose” younger: “with mom/dad/other standing right there? yeah sure”

younger: “why are you here” older: “cause it’s my room, fuck nugget, get out”

older: “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY ROOM” younger: “oof someone had a bad day” older: “IM GOING TO KILL YOU”

“i hate your face” “cool, i have food” “give me some”

“NAMMMMMMEEEEEEE! dinner’s ready!” “yeah yeah okay give me a second i’ll be right down”

“why did you have to come here?” “this is,,,, our house,,,,, that i too live in” “yeah but i was hoping you’d get run over by a bus” “why thank you, i was too”

MORE ABOUT TWINS

i dont care if you want your siblings to be close or whatever, do you know how INFURIATING it is to have a twin????? especially an IDENTICAL ONE???

if you have identical twins, they are going to hate each other’s guts for 3/4s (or more) of the time. having somebody who looks just like you, living in the same house as you, probably going to the same school as you, who has the same birthday as you, and most likely sleeps in/super close to the room you sleep in? actual hell. especially if they have a lot of the same interests/friends as you do. this experience is horror in it’s rawest form. nobody wants this. they want the “close, happy twins who do EVERYTHING together and have since they were born!!!”

IMAGINE A SIBLING RELATIONSHIP, BUT THEY LOOK J U S T  L I K E  Y O U AND ARE A L W A Y S  W I T H  Y O U.

remember what i said about hell?

(possibility: if the one identical twin is better at something or more liked than the other, it fuckin sucks. imagine this experience in the school halls: “eva???? what are you wearing???? oh my god, did your mom mix up your clothes with jasmine’s again? i feel sooo bad for you!!”

“actually this is... jasmine. eva has spanish right now.”

“oh. whatever.”

sucks, right?)

forcing that kind of relationship on your fictional twins is both unrealistic and tbh kind of scary.

now, twins who don’t look the same. everything i just said, but minus the appearance. yeah. i can see the shitshow now!

THE YOUNGER SIBLING DILEMMA

coming from an older sibling, younger siblings are satan.

they will:

annoy the older sibling at all costs

never do anything the older sibling says

“why does SHE/HE/THEY get to be in charge!!!!” whines the sibling who is literally four years younger and still can’t spell phone without replacing the “ph” with “f”

snitchin little bitches

older sibling: *flicks younger lightly on arm* younger sibling, tears of lies and deceit running down their face while they grin, knowing they will be believed: MOOOOOOOM NAME PUNCHED MEEEEEEEEEE

eat all the sweets

then they will blame it on the older sibling

literally, they will blame anything on the older sibling

watches an r-rated move -> name said it was alright!!!! (i most certainly DID NOT)

“MOOOOOOOOOOM NAME ISNT LETTING ME HANG OUT WITH HER FRIEEEEEENDDDDDDSSS” “YOU HAVE COME WITH US 16 TIMES THIS WEEK”

admittedly, they can be cool 1/324532 of the time. make sure to include these cool moments once in a blue moon bc sadly they do happen

POSSIBLY will feel like older gets more attention sometimes

DEFFINETLY feels like the older gets more freedom

OLDER SIBLINGS

i, as an older sibling, am biased. ill do my best tho

insults the younger sibling (SOMETIMES unfairly actually a lot unfairly)

ill add this to younger in a moment but on the flipside the younger sibling probably feels like the OLDER sibling gets more attention instead

takes out problems on sibling/family (to be fair when younger grows up they do this too)

“pshhhhhhhh, TRUST me, you do NOT want a sibling”

*to friend* “i literally hate him/her/them/other so much. i would kill him/her/them/other if i had the chance” “no you wouldn’t” “are you sure”

“nah man, you can’t talk shit about him/her/them/other, only I can talk shit about my sibling” *immediate fist fight/verbal decimation*

if a younger child is talking shit, they will be BLACKLISTED AND DESTROYED. probably more than is fair.

probably has hurt the younger sibling pretty badly at some point, most likely by accident but if it doesnt fit you storyline,,,, i have done despicable things

underestimates their strength when dealing with younger sibling

“WHY WONT YOU JUST FUCKING LISTEN TO ME” “YOURE NOT MOM” “YEAH BUT MOM PUT ME IN CHARGE DIPSHIT”

“i am not his/her/their/other parent, why do i have to do this”

younger sibling, to older: “son of a bitch” “we literally have the same mother”

“I SWEAR TO GOD CAN YOU EVEN DRESS YOURSELF???? CAN YOU???? CAN YOU????????????”

“haha ur scared of the daaaaaarrrrrrrk” older says, as their brain is in a panic about whether or not there’s a serial killer in the dark room waiting to kill them

so yeah. i have so many metas i need to write about so many things

[thot-writes]

really, you are a total sweetheart🥺you're probably the first person I see talking about this kind of thing. Most people just straight up prevent minors from interacting with their blog and so. But that got me thinking if they really dont read or thought about anything sexual before turning 18 ? that would be impossible right ? I mean are you seriously telling me that your/people's mind have to be completely innocent before 18 y/o? But of course, if you're like 12 y/o, you need to hold yourself. There's no way that is possible. Honestly I used to believe that women have to be the submissive and all. Considering how many r@p3 case have happened, I feel gross about it. And when I learn about femdom, my anxiety went down a little knowing that women doesnt need to be submissive sjskjssk. But seriously though, if you can't differentiate between fictional and real life, you should really stop reading this kind of thing.

Im sorry for ranting lol and my english is shit too SJKSSHSK hope I dont bother you with this ask! Love yaaa💕🏃🏻‍♀️

girl no ur the sweetheart 🥺💖🌸 i was kinda nervous making that post bc i wasn’t sure how it’d be taken. i want minors to feel comfortable in learning about their sexual (or if they’re ace, non-sexual) nature but i didn’t want it to sound like i have some kind of gross pedophilic motive bc that’s not the case! irl i wouldn’t date anyone under 20, but i feel like things about sex and consent and age are kind of difficult to talk about so it’s a bit nerve-wracking. i have some opinions about things that i think would get me in trouble if i voiced them tbh

also i agree with u on the whole r*pe stuff tbh! it’s not the whole reason why i’m a dom of course, but personally the idea of giving a man dominance over me makes me queasy (or angry LOL)... it’s a huge turn-off.

don’t worry about your english my love, it’s fantastic! and i like ranting too so you didn’t bother me at all 💕 thanks for the message!!

[misterbitches]

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

[mandaloriangf]

given the topic of reylos and fandom, im gonna say a thing and i hope it makes sense, but if it doesnt definitely feel free to point out

as context, i spent most of my entire 20+ years of life engrossed in fandom. im the white autistic girl exploring sexuality and identity through fandom lenses that these communities love to trot out as the reason why fandom criticism is a form of oppressive rhetoric (its not).

fandom has always been an actively hostile space to those it considers "other" (black people overall and most especially black women, gay men who are treated as concepts and not people and told to be silent on the trend of harmful abusive slash fiction). it has not ever been a fully welcoming community

but i really do believe reylos ruined fandom as a concept overall

to elaborate, the size and proliferation of reylos sparked a league of discourse that left the boundaries of star wars entirely and instead focused around a singular question, applicable regardless of media content you consume. who is fandom for? this question split the identity of fandom in twain.

reylos, and quickly following behind pro-shippers and anti antis, answered that fandom was for "everyone" but in reality encouraged an environment where fan content was never questioned or criticized regardless of its contents or implications and that to do so indicated something about you as a person rather than your critical debate skills or media consumption. fandom was a space for pleasure, sexual and literary, first and foremost, and nothing could infringe on that. it is considered the ultimate escapism and ultimate freedom, through the thin veneer of fiction. nothing you say or do reflects anything about your person because none of it is real, it only FEELS and is meant to feel good, via catharsis or fluff or erotic fanworks. the fiction you write is a means of exploring your happiness through a vehicle of media consumption, with no bearing on reality whatsoever, so even if you write objectively awful triggering topics, the only request is that you at least acknowledge its fucked up even if you do NOTHING to protect other people from it. it is a position of inherent selfishness actively hostile to marginalized peoples, most especially women of color.

on the other side of this divide is anyone with a functioning brain. grossly oversimplifying the situation but this is already long enough lmao.

the faults of individuals acting in these debates is almost tangential. awful people of all stripes were drawn to both sides of the divide to leverage power gained from getting clout through discourse, but one side was significantly more accepting due to the inherent nature of their position. if you thought fandom was meant to be fun and nothing else, all you really had to do was apologize and everything would be swept under the rug. obviously plenty of people get away with this shit no matter what, but we have to notice the trend of genuinely awful and abusive reylos and anti-antis continously able to remake and move accounts with no issues

this discourse moved from star wars into the general online conversation, and then was taken back to individual fandom communities. and fandom was absolutely torn apart. anyone who couldnt stand it packed up and left, artists were driven out by the droves of people who liked their art and saved it but refused to share or reblog it, fanfiction writers didnt get any interaction unless they went out of their way to cater to the niche specific fanon interpretations regardless of how much it clashed with the source material, and reylos and their legacy fostered an active culture of harassment.

reylos didnt just ruin star wars

reylos ruined *everything*, even for the communities of people they hold up as their martyr, white autistic girls like myself exploring identity.

there is no content for questioning people anymore. there is no content of exploration. there is no fic detailing recovering from abuse with loved ones while exploring facets of yourself you couldnt face. im sex repulsed and wlw, can you imagine how hard it is for me to find something that covers these topics that isnt straight up porn?

these problems are compounded even MORE for anyone who isnt white, to levels i am shielded from thanks to my privelege. and now, when people like stitch find publication to discuss her experiences in an open forum, she is subject to a harrassment campaign that is now the norm.

its monstrous

(sorry for the long ask rip, hope u enjoy the impromptu essay)

i wouldn’t say reylos are the ones who ruined fandom but instead they are the natural progression of a community where racism has run rampant and it’s run rampant for the reasons you listed.

reylos in particular are especially sinister in the way they utilize progressive language as a way to shield themselves from criticisms of racism and make themselves feel justified in viciously attacking and driving out poc who speak up. and that way they can make the fandom a safe space for themselves and only themselves. and other fandoms do the same.

[dyketubbo]

intro post (cleaned up a bit.. again!)

basic summary: my name is dyke/eyez/circus/mask/whatever you wanna call me, im a minor, im nd and a qpoc, i use any pronouns but he/him (and dont like masc terms, including bro, dude, guy, lad, stuff like that), and im apart of a system.

dni if youre against any kind of minority (includes racists, terfs, truscum, queer exclus of any kind [yes, even mspec lesbian exlus], etc etc), support ccs like schlatt uncritcally/actively like him, are nsfw, ship irl ppl (even ones that are okay with it), do x reader stuff with ccs, truth ccs at all, believe fiction doesnt effect reality/are a pro shipper/anti anti, or dont tag triggering things like zoophilia n stuff. dont be romantic or sexual towards me at all, and dont talk about touching me w/o asking. also dont interact if youre fine with those kind of ppl and actively interact w them (only exception to that last one is if you interact w ppl who like cc!schlatt, idc about that as much as long as theyre critical of him)

i like benchtrio the most but keep up w/ everyone best i can and like analyzing and drawing. im really sensitive and kind of an asshole so. bare w/ me if i lash out or am too much or something.

currently we have small intros of us per member on a page (/systemstuff) but dyke n grass will talk the most (mostly dyke). ty for reading, i hope you have a nice day and if its late for you, feel free to go get some rest. if its daytime, go eat!! or hydrate if you havent.

follows/likes and stuff will come from @/cottonskittles, reblog/like spam is ok, i dont care how people interact w me or my posts as long as they dont breach my boundaries, i think thats it but feel free to ask questions if u need clarification. more stuff under da cut

hi howdy just some more in depth stuff

im bad w tone so like. if you make fun of tone indicators or think theyre unnecessary/annoying (unless talking about excessive use/people using them as an excuse to be mean n stuff) probably dont interact w me because while i can interpret messages w/o them my own tone is often unreadable so i use them for the sake of others

story wise wise i usually look for benchtrio stuff, but i also try to keep up with everyones lore! theyre all important to the story in some way :]. however due to the themes surrounding them c!dream and c!schlatt make me uncomfy, and i only receive secondhand info abt the torture stuff bc its uncomfy too. also im personally critical of c!techno and i know that esp bothers a lot of ppl so yknow. warning to stay away this blog might piss you off

dni wise dont be a bigot. if youre against minorities of any kind fuck off, dont follow if youre nsfw or make nsfw content of childrens media, uhmm for personal sake regarding themes on the dsmp remember to like. tag cult stuff, drug use (esp underage), zoophilia, pda, and cannibalism if ur gonna follow me. tyyy. also dont follow if ur uncritical of some of the things various ccs involved have done (this is vague bc i know theres misinformation on dream and techno specifically but theres still shit thats actually been done and of course uh. the whole schlatt situations), and generally dont follow if you outright like cc!schlatt (c!schlatt likers r fine). like im not gonna make a big deal out of it but i will at the very least softblock because he makes me. really uncomfortable. you can interact n stuff just dont follow. dont interact if you use the new pan flag its gross and ugly and i dont agree with why it was made. and dni if youre a pro shipper (even if its to cope- find better coping mechanism thanks im a survivor and it makes me relapse to even think about pro shipping, actively romanticizing pedophilia, incest, age gaps, etc in media and then pretending like its just shipping discourse is Fucking Disgusting and i hate it), and dni if you like genderbend stuff it makes me uncomfy

also this is specific but if youre nonblack and weird about aave i will fucking murder you. n if you make suicide jokes please at least tag them. if you tell people to seriously kill themselves or joke abt "do a flip" or w/e or find that funny then dont interact w me at all

non dni wise w/ boundaries dont use masc terms for me, dont like.. talk about kissing me or flirting with me or anything, dont call me smart or a good person (just a personal thing. you can use synonyms if you really want), ask before talking about touching me, i have mirror touch so when people describe physical touch in any way i can feel it and thats uncomfortable. dont call me a liar, anddd dont make too many sexual references w/ me. keep it to the level thats like, present in beeduo streams but dont talk to me about kinks or anything even as a joke. finally make sure to tag things w /p if you mean it platonically around me, its for comforts sake. feel free to talk or message or ask for other socials or whatever idc about any of that

thatsss all for now. i do analyses ig, also art. have a doodle of my sona to tide u over under this paragraph. sorry for rambling, im not good at summarizing my thoughts and i have a lot to say. ok thats all thank you if you got this far and read it all i rlly appreciate you /gen. i was milfsmp but i didnt want to take the chance that someone would call me milf as a nickname

[icharchivist]

hello icha!!!!! learned from my mistakes and typed this out in a separate document. first i have to say im feeling a very deep connection with citron as of late bc i was giving myself a pep talk abt like physics and i told myself "face up and man the music!" and was like "...is that wrong. theres that song called man against the music isnt there... yeah it must be right" and. well i realized later. i also think the phrase "dont cry because it happened, smile because its over" is very good. also I’m halfway thru creating a very eclectic list of like. a Pokémon team for each a3 character which is… something. kinda knew it would happen to me. might take a while for me to finish it tho now that I’m halfway bc I’m suddenly having a crisis like “wait shit I’m only confident on my understanding and characterizing of like 4 characters am I good enough” so… it’s slow going lol. anyways. i finished that damn physics thing I was giving myself a pep talk about and so am treating myself to autumn/winter. happens that watching these events is also like. the only thing which reminds me to actually like. log into a3 lol. i am so bad at gacha games. probably a good thing in the long run. ok starting from the top!

hisoka going "zzz" as his reaction made me immediately go... oh dear, please dont fall asleep in the bath and guess what happened. yeah. good thing homare was there lol. speaking of i fucking adore homare and his poetry. id buy his collection. i also wish there was a collection like if there was a master list of every poem he says in like. at the very least main story. if not i will literally do it myself. i love homare so much im like him in that back when i had to play dodgeball id always be like kufufufu they cant hit me if im friendless enough that no one pays attention to me but like in my case it actually worked out. on the subject of the pillow fight tho, hisoka's crazy strong pillow fight throw... one more mark on the list for suspicious, maybe assassin occupation. this event made me realize how much i missed winter like. i saw the stranger pretty recently (which has caused the effect of be being like "taichi!! thats my boy!!" in my head everytime he shows up lol but anyways i havent gotten to a winter play yet so im VERY hype. especially bc this seems like it stars hisoka and homare??? like oh!! oh!!!! also detective fiction... im swooning. i also just enjoy the hisoka homare dynamic a whole fucking lot i think its nice how homare was like "yeah im ride or die for this funky lil amnesiac, why wouldnt you be?" and its just like. nice. feel like hes always reaching out to hisoka which is like. man homare is so nice.

back to chronology. ofc sakyo goes cheap for the hot springs lol. on brand as ever. was very hype for the azuma sakyo dynamic bc all i remember is like azuma trashing everyone including sakyo at some game or the other in one of the winter chapters and it was very good. or was this a clip in like a stage play? either way it was delightful. at first i misinterpreted taichi going "…" after azuma and sakyo said theyd never been on a field trip bc like. taichi being quiet or noncommunicative... after going thru autumn troupe act 1 it makes me fear for my life a little lol. anyways im glad he was just like planning fun times. speaking of taichi tho we got a tasuku taichi pair for etudes!!!! im not spoiling myself for later events but i hope to GOD tasuku and taichi do like a lead co lead in SOMETHING or at least like some mixed troupe event i want them to talk!!!

also dunno if this is an intentional pun but i enjoy that its called high spirits at the hot spring bc like oh theyre having fun but also bc like. "spirits" is used to refer to a certain type of alcohol i think? which is cool. dunno if its intentional but i liked that. anyways the talent show. taichis moving rendition of single ladies... ok i know it said single fellas but like. we know. wonder if that line was a different song in japanese? its not too old at ALL tho imo. anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment... flashback to when banri slaps juza live on stage instead of doing a stage slap lol. my reaction to azuma essentially went:

azuma: I can offer to bare my soul, and a little more ;)

izumi: what do u mean by that???

me: hey tasuku and omi were shirtless what's ur problem with azuma

anyways i reread and from what i understand they were maybe only flexing and doing a gun show? which like. no wonder it didnt last too long then lol. also explains why they didnt have shirtless sprites i suppose lmao. i am SO curious abt what azuma ended up doing tho that fade to black is so mysterious! did he tap dance? did he pole dance? the world will never know...

oh also im not like super familiar with azuma yet but my read on his personality is definitely like "I am so touch starved All The Time but I will be chill. :) :) this is fine :)" like he just seems to rly like being around people! just like basking in presence whether or not hes rly talking that much.

i enjoyed that juza mentioned pillow fighting with his lil brother... thats nice! i think a lot of this event was just focused on ppl having fun over the drama lol bc it got wrapped up sooo quick. i liked the bit where sakyos worried that izumi was out late searching for him tho it was so sweet. table tennis match was very fun although id argue calling hisoka and juza the two quietest tho lol like... banri exists so juza isnt quiet. just like inevitably. finally, the event cg!!! azumas hair tied up... so nice! thats how I tie my hair up sometimes tho it doesnt look nearly as nice lol. taichi rambling abt his first love for so long tho... lol. ill be honest i have to reread autumn bc i was not aware of this whole situation until it came up in the stranger and i like inferred from there. the end of this event was nice! it was cute. i dont rly have much thoughts on it but im so hype for the winter play

Hello:!!! so good to see you again, freshly learning from your mistakes then :3c

the connection with Citron is a BLAST to read about. I am glad that Citron is there, on your mind, supporting you at every turns of language. It's beautiful.

AND OH THE POKEMON LIST!!! thrilled to hear about it being a wip ongoing! take your time ofc and i hope you'll feel more confident as you go for your characters interpretation! i believe in you!

lmao i'm glad the events help you remember to play a3, i'm sure that by the time you'll be done with the events you will have unlocked so much of act 2 you won't have to worry too much about it. Anyway i'm glad you treat yourself to good things :3c

of course Hisoka fell asleep in the bath. tbh this event was a lot of "Hisoka almost dies in a spring house multiple times if it wasn't for his troupesmates". Between sleeping in the bath and almost swallowing the table tenis ball... where would we be without Winter, and especially Homare, taking care fo him.

I'm SO GLAD you like Homare that much! he's so so good! i'm sure there must be a masterlist somewhere, or well. can be done anytime i guess?? but yeah Homare is fantastic and LDJFDLKFJDF the evil plan to avoid dodgeball from both of you.. this is incredible DLKJFDLKF. But yeah alas he's loved by his own so he gets hit smh.

And yeah Hisoka is just acting sus huh.

BUT YEAH... YEAH... WINTER... BELOVED.... I feel regular and normal feelings for Winter as you know, s o .

(i'm so delighted that you feel that way about Taichi though, as he deserves!! what a good boy!!!)

But yeah Winter play next!!!!! i love the winter plays so much i hope you'll like it as well!! aND YEAH HISOKA AND HOMARE AS A DUO... for a DETECTIVE story?? so good.

I'm sO GLAD you like their dynamic! yeah i adore it too. Homare was so quick to leap into taking care of Hisoka? Like i mean he immediatly called him sleeping beauty when they first met, and immediately decided to be his roommates to watch over him, and then he did everything to take care of him and it's just so sweet. Homare has such a big heart he's so gentle with Hisoka. Homey and comfortable, whenever Hisoka admits it or not ahah.

ahah wouldn't be Sakyo if he didn't need to stay cheap. BUT YEAH the Sakyo/Azuma dynamic is pretty good. oh the event you talk about i think is in some of his very first backstage storyes (that you can read if you have them since they're at this point of the chronology). There's one where they play a mafia game and Sakyo is warry of Azuma because "people like him are those you need to worry about the most" and Azuma is just ":) you wound me :) i would never :)" and then Azuma wins the game and starts to mess with everyone. It was so fun. and yeah i see which clip you mean for the stage play!! it's so so fun they have such a neat dynamic and i loved to see it in this event as well.

and omg worrying about Taichi while he was just there preparing a fun time! this child really would have worried us all back then huh

but AHH YEAH TASUKU TAICHI.... It's such a neat dynamic! ofc i won't say anything but man i love the potential of their stories, as the two ex Godza boys. To see them bond and be comfortable with each other always make me so soft.

OH NICE CATCH FOR THE PUN! i think it must be the reason for it tbh, i love it! thanks for pointing it out!

The talent show was really fun yeah ahah! I wonder what it is in Japanese too but at least the localization was hella fun!

"anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment." THEY'RE SO SILLY I love them so much

AND LMAO YOUR REACTION AT AZUMA I LOVE IT. YEah i think Tasuku and Omi are just flexing (which is Still. SO FUNNY. Just there saying "our talents is.. our muscles...") meanwhile Azuma is like "my talent is that i'm crazy hot :)"

But YEAH Azuma... AZUMA WHAT DID YOU DO....

your read on Azuma's personality feels pretty spot on to me ahah omg. Staying with what you know about him, the fact that with his job and all, he seems like he's starving for connection while also terrified to make himself emotionally vulnerable. He loves staying with people, listening to them, caring for them, and he's touch starved as hell (i mean it's his job) but he doesn't seem to really know how to be on the receiving hand of affection. there's a flair talk, i can't remember where, with Omi at some point, where Azuma compliments him, and Omi is just "mhm.. but you know i think that it's more about you" and ends up complimenting Azuma in depth and it let Azuma dumbfounded because he didn't expect Omi to trick him at his own game, while Omi just genuinely don't get why Azuma is reacting that way. He gives he gives he gives, and he's genuinely happy with that, but he seems to have difficulties to take, or to demand for something, while also starving for it. I have so many emotions for Azuma.

Any mentions of Juza's little bro are the best things. I love this type of mention TwT

And yeah it was such a laid back event. Honestly deserved after the crying fest that was The Stranger imo. It's good to relax once in a while and it was nice to have them have fun. There was the bitterness of both Azuma and Sakyo's past that was always a bit looming but everyone was working so hard for them to enjoy themselves that the joy just overtake any sadness i loved it.

Sakyo worrying about Izumi is always adorable TwT

And yeah the Table Tennis match was so fun and chaotic LMAO. I love the dynamic between Juza and Hisoka. Just two usually quiet boys who like sweets. Except that yeah like you say, as long as Banri is around, Juza cannot be 100% quiet. Rip.

THE CG WAS SO PRETTY i loved seeing it. And omg you can share your hairtips with Azuma how nice :D Azuma manages to make everything look beautiful smh....

Oh yeah Taichi and his first love! if i recall he mentions it quickly at the begining, that Yuki reminds him of his first love, and he says that again at some point - then the fake Portrait he does he mentions his first love again. And since then it's been a reccuring topic so yeh :3c

but yeah! this event was really sweet and laid back, not much to say about it, but it was nice to have it at all!

Hope you'll like the winter play :3c

Take care and thank you again for your thoughts <33 i love reading them!! bless you!!

[seerofmike]

i feel like a huge portion of kpop fans are gay fetishists attracted to the idea of quote unquote feminine men and thats why theres so much bullshit

YES okay. okay let me rant for a minute. let me preface this by saying i am NOT a kpop shipper at ALL. this is going to be long so i’ll put it under a’ ‘read more’ because i’ve been holding it in for TWO FUCKING YEARS BABY!

being mlm in boygroup kpop fandom is literally so exhausting. 99% of the people who ship real life human men from boygroups are fetishists and i will tell u why

obviously we all know of a ship in a fandom where the characters' personalities are twisted to fit the heteronormative view of "top" and "bottom" --one character is hypermasculine (top) and the other one is feminine (bottom). there are typical traits associated with both. the ‘top’ is scary or mean or angry or serious while the ‘bottom’ is emotional or bubbly or shy. while this is egregious, at least its fictional characters. their personalities can be simplified or exaggerated and it doesnt cause any real life harm.

im going to define what i think of as a fetishist: a non-mlm person who overly sexualizes gay men/men they think are gay/gay ships, and forces them into heteronormative roles for their own pleasure. its not even limited to cishet women. plenty of non-mlm lgbt people do this too and its like disheartening. so anyways

enter the kpop fandom

i may be incredibly biased here because one of the most affected members [of bts] is my favorite kpop boy, but oh god is the ‘personality change/simplification’ thing AWFUL here. i do not go out of my way to find fanart or see fanfic threads, but being in the bts fandom, u will inevitably see it and i REALLY wish i didnt

so anyways. my favorite boy ever is hoseok. he is sweet and hardworking and very passionate about dance and he can be serious when needed, but ultimately he tries to be very lighthearted and will consistently laugh or make jokes or do something funny when the other members feel uncomfortable or awkward (mostly during english-speaking interviews). he kisses the members on the cheek a lot/hugs them a lot/cuddles them a lot [this is important for later okay]

of course, theres a lot more to him because he is a multi-faceted real life human being, and i don’t know him personally, but that’s a general idea of what he’s like, okay?

SHIPPERS will have you think differently. some video got popular on youtube ""proving"" that hoseok is a sadist (which is just clips of him jokingly playfighting with the younger members), and the video depicts him as secretly mean and serious, and shippers will use that to say "hoseok is a total top!" and then most fanart or imagines or fanfic threads you see are top!hoseok, using this imagined 'hoseok is a sadistic dom' narrative to fuel their fiction, because SOMEONE has to be the top, so they twist him into this hypermasculine mean person (and probably feminize the 'bottom' of their ship but more on that later)

EXCEPT it is not just fiction. this narrative bleeds into REAL LIFE. you have new armys who dont know anything about the shipping scene, and yet somehow the narrative of hoseok being a secretly mean, sadistic person has already made its way into them. in real life, hoseok likes rainbows and wearing nail stickers and putting glitter in his hair. yet people in the fandom will say shit like "hoseok hates femininity" "hoseok would never wear [thing] because he's a dom"

sometimes on twitter you have ppl like me who say uh actually you guys are really weird and this is fetishy and in real life hoseok is very nice and not sadistic at all, you will UNDOUBTEDLY get comments like "omg hoseok isnt cute/nice when will yall learn he’s secretly like [x] and [x]". you could post a video of hoseok with a puppy titled "wow cute" and u will get like 2 clowns in ur comments going 'hoseok isnt CUTE hes a sadist’ . i wish i was joking but i am not. they will do this for EVERY action hoseok does. he cannot blink without people twisting it into a sexual thing

[also, side note: its funny that, since hoseok is one of the least popular members and therefore one of the least shipped members, he is often the odd man out among pairings, and is assigned 'the straight one' by default, and 9 times out of 10 people who assign him 'the straight one' do all this 'dom daddy hoseok' shit.

which just goes to show that this is indeed a matter of heteronormativity.]

so anyways arguably the most popular ship with hoseok is with yoongi, sope. this absolutely happens to other ships probably but im just using them as an example because i see it the most, being a hobi stan

yoongi is very calm and thoughtful and kind and sometimes appears to be cold/having a bad attitude but its just because of the way he speaks, which is very bluntly. again hes a multi faceted real human and i do not know him personally but thats generally what hes like.

god the fandom. treats him SO BAD. so horribly. he's shorter than hoseok. he's shorter than hoseok and people will exaggerate that literal 1 inch height difference so bad and people will turn his whole personality into shy and blushy and In Love With Hoseok, so in love with hoseok that ‘he gets sad’ when hoseok doesn’t kiss him/hug him/or whatever and IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE.

ANY time hoseok or yoongi do ANYTHING together at ALL, people will ALWAYS push the narrative that hoseok, being the mean sadist he is, is 'hurting' yoongi for not returning his undying love or whatever. hoseok did a vlive where he made bracelets for all the members and he considered putting a cat charm on yoongi's but ultimately decided not to because he was having difficulty and oh my GOD sope stans twisted it into 'hoseok HATES yoongi, yoongi would have been so happy, he would have worn that all the time, hoseok isnt affectionate he hates being close with other people after all :(' which is LITERALLY not true because hoseok gives all his homies good night kisses but okay! whatever fits your narrative!

PEOPLE ACTUALLY HATE HOSEOK BECAUSE OF THIS. BECAUSE OF A SHIP. BECAUSE OF THE MANUFACTURED NARRATIVE PUSHED ONTO HIM BY FETISHISTS SO HE COULD FIT INTO THEIR HETERONORMATIVE ‘TOP’ ROLE. not to be all wahh wahh hoseok is one of the least popular members BUT THIS IS LITERALLY A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.

everyone """headcanons""" hoseok to be a top so they will make him a MEAN HYPERMASCULINE person. everyone """headcanons""" yoongi as a bottom so they will make him a SOFT UWU HYPERFEMININE person. shippers are literally pigeonholing the two of them into fujoshi-esque roles for jack-off material.

anyways this all boils down to: gay fetishists will do anything, ANYTHING, to twist characters or real life fucking people to fit their heteronormative view of top and bottom. top=mean and masculine, bottom=soft and feminine. hoseok is a real life human being. yoongi is a real life human being. they both have real life human personalities, and yet shippers twist their personalities into the opposite to fit their narrative, to the point where nonshippers will genuinely view the two of them as something theyre not.

you have tons of armys that theorize that hoseok's happiness is just a mask he puts on to hide a cruel nature. on twitter. on youtube. in fanart and fanfiction. you have tons of armys that truly believe that, despite literally all the evidence, believe he hates being cute, he hates being happy, he hates the members, and hes secretly a dom daddy fuckboy who wants to bend yoongi over a table. hes a real life human being and fetishists doing their fetish thing has real life consequences.

the same is true for bottom!hoseok stans: they overexaggerate his more cutesy personality traits and he does have a 'feminine' figure i.e. he has a rly small waist but they will overexaggerate that as well and give him huge hips and its disgusting but dom!hoseok is far more frequent with far more devastating consequences so i used that as an example but they’re both bad.

people who """"headcanon"""" [like actually headcanon/firmly believe and not just joking or lighthearted] that members are gay will force these types of roles onto the members. if someone genuinely believes that like, yoongi is gay/bi/whatever, and then try to force this subby soft uwu persona onto him, they have no respect for gay people. they dont. gay people are simply objects for their fantasies. their view of gay people is so one-dimensional and so driven by fetishists’ ideas that its actually disheartening.

and god bitches will deadass be homophobic yet still ship real ass human idols. not just for bts specifically but all boygroup fandoms. sometimes when you search up an idol's name, [idol] gay will be trending--whether it be because of people saying "im gay for him" or whatever, and a LOT of cishet people will try 'clearing' the searches because being gay is bad or something. people normally ‘clear’ the searches if something like [idol fat] or [idol ugly] are trending, which im telling you so you know the context that people only clear the searches when bad things are happening.

[never forget that time 'jungkook gay' was trending and bitches were like "lets clear the searches!" but their pinned tweet said some shit like "sub jungkook x dom jimin coffee shop smut au thread 🌈". bitches also be like i cant be homophobic i ship taekook]

and hoseok and yoongi arent the only ones affected ! we could get into why namjoon and jin (another popular ship) are often assigned 'dad' and 'mom' respectively, or the fact that gay fetishists not only twist members' personalities to fit their ship narrative, but will also force tropes onto them i.e. taehyung/jungkook shippers who will literally demonize jimin and call him a slut or say that he's trying to 'get in the way of' of taekook or 'steal' taehyung/jungkook but thats a whole DIFFERENT rant baby! racism/asian fetishism is also definitely a present factor in all of this but this focus was primarily on gay fetishism and heteronormativity.

oh my god i could also get into the severe transphobia/trans fetishism in this fandom too but this post is already long enough as it is

tl dr: gay fetishists will fetishize real life people and it has actual real life effects and we should ban straight women from shipping mlm

[hhuta]

Oh my god you watched Dirk gently???? Yes!!! I rarely see people posts about it anymore and it was my favourite show for so long I'm so excited youve watched it!! Please share your thoughts 👀👀👀 I'm a starving man 😔 idk what to ask do I ask about your favourite character?? Your thoughts on the stuff that was gonna happen in s3??? Should I ask if you prefer s1 or s2??? Idk please thoughts

cooonnooorrrrrr u know the showwwww!!!!! aaaa!!

mY THOUGHTS ARE: dirk is my child and i will protect him forever.

literally all i can think about. i got so attached to him, i cant believe theres literally nOTHING ELSE OF HIM FOR ME TO WATCH. LIKE. ITS OVER??????? IM GONNA HAVE TO READ THE BOOKS THAT ARE VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE SHOW TO FILL THE VOID????????????????????? THIS IS WHY I STOPPED WATCHING TV SHOWS I HATE IT HERE

anyways. as u can see hes my fave character by far. i fell in love with him so fast :( hes so funny and dumb but also very smart 😔😔😔 and he suffered so much!!!!!!!!!! oh my god i wanted to fight everyone who was mean to him!!!!!!!!!! i only respect hobbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love him too! i also love estevez and zimmerfield andnnnddd dodontnttt eveeennnn!!! getttt meee stARARTETDDDDD ON THEIIRRRRRR ENEDNDNINGGGSSSSS Because it doesnt exist. i dont acknowledge it. pure bullshit. i was truly close to te a r s during zimmerfield [redacted] scene???? did u??? did u see that shit????? THE TENDERNESS? WHAT THE F U CK WAS THAT ABOUT IM. im ok.

ah i love bart too so i fucking hATED HOW S2 ENDED FOR HER. WHY DIDNT SHE STAY WITH PANTO IN THE FAIRYTALE LAANNDDDDD OH MYGOODDDDDDD their dynamic was so good... and speaking of him, of course i love a gay icon, love his boyfriend too, another dumb gay!!! so many dumb gays. so much representation. im sad we didnt get to see a lot of them. i was so fuckign afraid they were also going to fucking die no i would riot!! i was ready to say "sO GLAD THIS GOT CANCELELDLDLD!!! OF COURSE THE GAYS GOT KILLED !!! NOT EVEN FICTIONAL FICTIONAL GAYS ARE SAFE!!" KJljdslklk i really was prepared for the worse after what happened to my other kings...... ill never get over that

and to be honest i was not vibing with the second season at first (probably, for sure..ly bc of what happened to my kings in s1. all these new characters were being introduced, i felt like pure shit just wanted them back. i couldnt properly enjoy it) also the whole.. fantasy thing.... is not my thing... idk... from the start, when i saw the fucking wand i wanted to scream dlkjas i knew it wasnt going to be for me. but i think it got better as it went on, it just didnt captivate me like the plot from s1. i didnt follow it as well? i enjoyed how i could easily pick up the little clues in s1 but tbh i think that just reflects dirk's state cuz we sorta follow his pov... he was v e r y lost during s2 and that rubbed on me!!! i didnt enJOYYYY ONE BITTT SEEING HIMMM SO FUCKING SAD... he was just sad and freaking out and he just needed a friend >:( and todd ugh he pissed me off a lot of the time dlkajskl........... ill never forget him saying dirk deserved to be alone 🚶‍♂️being a dirkette isnt easy.

but anyways its not like s2 was bad and dumb (im editing this and i just remember them trying to make todd/farah a thing. absolutely loathed that. that was bad and dumb. faratina for the win), the weird stuff did make sense in the end. of course thats what a child would imagine, even the scissors as weapons made sense. aND AMBOOLENTS. IDK IF U REMEMBER THAT BUT GOD IT MADE ME LAUGH SO MUCH. also suzie was a good villain and tina and hobbs were amazing 🥰aGAIN I WAS SO READY FOR ONE OR BOTH OF THEM TO DIE.... no this fear really ruined things for me lkdjalsk.... oh mona !!! lOVE HER TOO! shes so pretty, first of all. when i saw her glowing eyes in the first ep i was like heyyyy 💕ANyways her character???? like?? so interesting??? not knowing who shes supposed to be?!?!?! i got hooked right awayyyy when she said that

oh my god i wish s3 existed and it was about heeerrrr. mona and dirk would be great besties 😔 and he would finally have his actual detective agency :(((((( but do u mean what i want to happen or this that might have happened? cuz im only looking at dirk/assistent romance lkdjakls mister sir lieutenant assistent was funny and so brave for putting up with friedkin so hes prepared for dirks intelligent dumbness and i want to see dirk happy its a win win. TODD BEING A ROCKSTAR AGAIN YES! all the other stuff yes too except bart teaming up with ken idek why she would do that after he 1. became a dick and 2. betrayed her (PLUS he shot dirk, im resentful, therefore i hate him forever and i dont want bart near him ever again)

sooooooo unfair that the show only has 2 seasons..... its such a rich universe with good characters.... all of them.. amanda and farah got great character development.. i already miss it im so sad..... im strongly considering making a sideblog to reblog stuff..

but what are your thoughtssss? tell me anything !!! do u have a fave episode? since i just finished s2, i remember loving S2xE6. the concert aftermath was really funny also dirk in pink <3

fashion icon <33

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???