#IM SO COOL THAT I CAN SING BOTH HIGH AND DEEP

[unmotivatedartistry]

There is nothing more gender euphoria when singing for me than when I can't sing a bit because it's too high but I can sing all of the lowest bits. I'm so fuckin happy rn

[thatdeadpoetwriter]

Take me back to the night we met

The boys sit in a circle, laughing and smoking. Neil stands up, hushing the others as he flips to a page of the book he was holding. “Listen up gentlemen, for I have found a fine piece of poetry for you tonight.”He clears his throat and holds the book up, adjusting his reading glasses. “O mistress mine, where are you roaming? O stay and hear! Your true-love's coming. That can sing both high and low; trip no further, pretty sweeting, journey’s end in lovers' meeting-- Every wise man's son doth know. What is love? 'Tis not hereafter; Present mirth hath present laughter; what’s to come is still unsure: in delay there lies no plenty,-- Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty, youth’s a stuff will not endure. Carpe diem, William Shakespeare.” Neil finishes and bows dramatically, a smile gracing his lips.

When the night was full of terrors and your eyes were filled with tears

I don't know what I'm supposed to do haunted by the ghost of you

Todd woke with a start clutching his chest at the memory, he looked over to Neil’s empty bed and tears filled his eyes. He slipped out of his bed, slipping his shoes on and grabbing his coat before he silently exited his room. Todd knew it was a stupid idea but he made his way to the overpass where he and Neil had spoken on his birthday. He looked over the edge, resting his forearms against the cool stone and taking a deep breath as the memory of throwing the wretched desk set over replayed in his head. He wished Neil were here beside him, there was so much unspoken that he yearned to tell the other; like how he made Todd’s first year at Welton feel less daunting, thank him for how he’d helped, how his smile was the prettiest thing Todd had ever seen, how his eyes reminded him of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day. But alas there was no way to speak to the dead, no way to profess his love and speak his truth, no way to watch as Neil’s eyes crinkled when he smiled or laughed, no way to listen as Neil practiced his lines and shouted with joy at the prospect of an acting career. And so he sat, dwelling in all that was untold, wishing desperately to have back what he had lost.

Little fic im working on

Please don’t copy to any other sites

I listened to the night we met 115 times while writing this (the only time I’ll do math)

[bitwynn]

Not a fan

A SAGAU Impostor AU Songfic

Song used: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

...so I caved. Yep. Starting a new series even though i already have one. To be fair, i felt like i needed a break from that series since that beast needs a whole lotta world building and im planning for it to get into some heavy fucken subjects. This one tho is more chill and light-hearted, since theyre all just a bunch of kind of disconnected one shots that are all kind of connected. So like-- when this series gets a lil longer, you can literally start from any fic since its all connectedly disconnected. A better example was my original idea of me just writing the end goal where they finally defeat the impostor like-- directly after the Castaway fic to rlly show how connectedly disconnected it is but i refrained myself since i wanted to write more wanderer. Been playing as him a lot but i havent rlly done the archon quest yet lol but hes just a blast. Hes an annoying lil shit (affectionate)

Blue for Barbara, Yellow/Gold for Zhongli, Green for Wanderer, red for Diluc, Italics is Reader/General, Combined is Everyone. Colors only used for singing parts.

---

Is this the real life?

You were running again, the spears and arrows of the Millelith chasing you all across Liyue.

Is this just fantasy?

Zhongli was by your side, steadfast as a rock as he shielded you from their weapons-- both with his Jade Shields and his body.

Caught in a landslide,

A loose rock almost sent you tumbling down into the depths of the Chasm, Barbara grabbing you just in time.

No escape from reality.

Diluc recognizes the path you were taking towards Tiangong Gorge, immediately rushing off to the Chasm's Maw and letting loose Dawn-- his phoenix rising up into the sky like a blazing beacon, just buy the rest of you more time. He'll rejoin you once again, he knows the path you'd take. He's your main afterall.

Open your eyes,

The three of you make it, the relief from seeing the glow of the blue Waypoint almost bringing you to your knees.

Look up to the skies and see,

You stumble in, Barbara hauling your arm over her shoulder as Zhongli collapses the tunnel behind you. You may be Overseer of Teyvat but he is the Overseer of Liyue, and its stones still answers to his call. There is nothing left but the browns and greens that creep towards the borders of Liyue.

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,

Your little group exit the cavern, the fresh air of the rainforest cooling the sweat on your backs and you see Haypasia's "little neighbor" peeking up from behind a leaf.

Because I'm easy come, easy go,

The tiny Aranara, though a little hesitant that more people could see him now, takes your hand and guides you through Avidya Forest. Thank goodness you had caved from your siblings nagging and finally done at least a part of the Sumeru quest.

Little high, little low,

You were still unfamiliar with the lands of Sumeru, trusting your little lettuce friend to lead you to a place of safety, of rest.

Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me,

Lettuce, as you had affectionately named him, lead you all deep into the rainforests of Sumeru all while deftly avoiding the little village of forest rangers and the rangers themselves. You hadn't said a word to him but you knew, deep in somewhere, that he would be leading you somewhere safe. Somewhere protected.

Though this... wasn't what you expected.

To me.

He turns to your group, the smell of tea faintly wafting from the pot he was tending. "I don't think I need to introduce myself, do I?"

-

After the short but silent panic that washed over the three of you (it took the you and Barbara 5 minutes to even get a centimeter pulling Vortex Vanquisher out the cave wall while Zhongli aggressively apologized to him), the four of you were sat on the floor watching the Wanderer tend to the bubbling pots of food he was making.

There was a strange... very not tense(?), and very awkward energy in the air as he set aside cups and bowls for all of you, his own cup still full with steaming almost black water. Zhongli was very noticeably trying not to stare at his oversteeped tea.

Little Lettuce had already left, presumably to keep an eye on the area or watch out for Diluc. You didn't want to use him as a shield or a way to break the ice or something but god-- the energy in the air was just so uncomfortable.

You all watched Wanderer in this terse silence prepare your food, his soft chopping of the grilled unagi sounding like death knells in your cave. He took each of the bowls he set out, placing a considerable amount of rice in each and a small handful of dried seaweed and sesame seeds. Bringing out a jar of umeboshi from his inventory, he placed each slab of unagi with a single umeboshi atop the bed of rice and seaweed.

He pours out the tea onto the rice, 1, 2, 3... and stops. He cocks his head. Frowns.

"Wasn't there supposed to be four of you?"

And the silence was broken.

"W-well, little lettuce already left--"

"Not the aranara-- wait, you named him lettuce? Tsk, whatever. Where's the other one? The red one?"

"Oh, uhm, Diluc?"

He nods, the small scowl on his face almost carved into him. You feel your face heat as you turn your face away from him.

"He ran off. To the Maw. Let out his burst as a diversion to buy us time --but he'll find us. He'll come back. He knows the way, he knows how I think, he knows what I'll do. He'll come back."

Wanderer sighs, disappearing the extra bowl. You're not sure whether you said all that to stop his retort or to diminish your own worry.

You're shaken from your thoughts by Barbara holding your hand. She gives it a squeeze, and you squeeze back, thankful for the comfort.

"Are you just gonna keep staring at your food or do you want to die of both exhaustion and starvation?"

"Okay, eating now!"

You're handed a warm bowl of Shimi Chazuke, Wanderer's specialty. It didn't look like its in game icon, only having the plump umeboshi on top of a bed of rice and seaweed with the pale tea glistening in the light. But you had come to learn that many things in game didn't translate directly, there sure as hell no quest or mention of a "Divine Overseer, and yet-- and yet.

You bring the bowl up to your face, the warmth soaking into your aching, tired hands and its steam gently caressing your face. You mix a portion of the rice together with the tea, scoop it up, and put it into your mouth.

And practically turn into jelly at the taste.

"Umai...!" you moan, savoring the taste of it all.

The fresh rice soaked in the bitter tea tasted amazing, each bite slowly turning into a different flavor as the oils and sauce from the grilled unagi gradually mixed in with the rice. Cutting up a bit of the eel with your spoon, you mix it with the rice and your mouth burst with deliciousness.

The eel was grilled to perfection, plump and juicy and flaky. And with the addition of the tea, it introduced flavors you hadn't even imagined from a simple grilled fish.

As you were about to burst that plump little plum, the Wanderer stopped you, a strange look on his face. He handed you a handkerchief.

"Wipe your face, the flavor's gonna be off if you mix it with your tears."

Stunned, you took the handkerchief. "Oh."

It... had been a long time since you've eaten good food and found a place to rest. Too long.

You hold it close to your chest, eyes squeezed shut as you tried to calm down. After a moment, you wipe away the sweat, and tears, and snot, and grime that had accumulated on your journey. It had been such a long time since you first found kindness in this world, even if that kindness came from an emotionally stunned automaton designed to be a god.

You chuckled to yourself, a wet little thing, as you realize that you kept weeping harder and harder with each swipe of the cloth. You bury your face in it, the handkerchief practically soaked with your tears as you take a few calming breaths to finally stop your tears.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I-- its been a while since I've... yeah. Uhm..."

You take a breath, still wet with your snot. "I, uh... I'm gonna keep this, I uh-- ruined it. I'll, I'll clean it though! If you want it back."

Wanderer, handily ignoring your breakdown just earlier, cringes in disgust. "No thanks. Keep it, you need it more than me if you decide to bawl your eyes out again."

Despite the harshness of it, you soften, tucking the offending handkerchief away. "Thanks." "Don't ever mention it."

He reclines back into his little designated space in your cave, and hesitantly stokes the fire with his anemo vision. You pick your unfinished bowl of chazuke, umeboshi still waiting to be eaten. It was good to know that at least there was a few things that didn't change now that you're here.

"Are you finished yet? Stop gawking at your food and finish it so I can do the dishes."

Yep, some things just never change.

You finally finish your meal with the silence in the cave now something much more comfortable, the crackling of the fire and the quiet rushing and clanking of dishes almost lulling you into a sense of "you don't have a bounty placed on your head and are definitely not running from anyone and everyone for fear of them betraying you and handing you over to your megalomaniacal doppelganger".

Wanderer, having lost the argument of who does the dishes against Barbara, was definitely not sulking in his little corner and absolutely not fiddling with his new(?) anemo vision. "So, why'd you come here to Sumeru anyways? I know you definitely were not looking for me, considering the fact you tried to impale my head on sight. Which to be fair," he chuckles at Zhongli's sheepish face, stood near the cavern entrance. "I would do the same."

You absentmindedly plucked the strings of your Windblume Lyre, the instrument becoming a sort of stimming/coping device, helping you deal with everything that had happened to you. He hummed to himself, the cogs turning in his head. "I can't think of any other reason why you'd come here-- finding and trusting in me is a huge gamble that you won," he clarified, turning away from Barbara's blank stare. "the ancient Khaenri'ahn technology scattered around Sumeru won't be of any use if you were considering taking the fight to your impostor, the Irminsul Tree could be a good reason but I can't see any way you'd use it to help you, though knowledge is always good to have anyways."

He scoffed, reclining into the dirt of your cave. "Archons, imagine how ridiculous it would be if you just ran here because you had no choice but to! Like a bunch of scared animals, ahaha!"

You slowly sink behind your lyre as he continues.

"In my time here, you're infamous for always evading their grasp-- heck, there's even an entire division of scholars here dedicated to just trying to figure out how in the world you do it. Some say you're a master at faking trails, some say you have some sort of... psychic power that lets you read the mind of your enemies so you can anticipate their moves."

He shrugs.

"Honestly, I'm more inclined to believe that last one-- in my brief time as your Vessel before your descent, you somehow managed to find information about me, despite my entire existence being wiped from the Irminsul Tree. Add to that the experiences that your other Vessels had, and it's a pretty compelling case." A sigh. "Shame that probing is one-sided though, a peek into the mind of the 'Divine Deceiver' or 'Overseer' or whatever fancy title you call yourself would be quite intriguing. Who knows what schemes are you cooking up in there. Now tell me,"

He straightens, eyes boring into yours from where you were, at this point, hiding in shame behind your lyre. "why are you here in Sumeru?"

"Aha... ha... haaa..." If you had a pyro vision, your face would be on fire by now. You had to turn away, the warmth of embarrassment creeping down your neck. "Well, uhm..." You clear your throat, gulping as you try to even find the words to explain how much of a legitimately normal person you are, who was practically forced to grow brain cells specifically for scheming because if you didn't you would die.

"So, uh...ah he he he... heh..." you take a breath, a shaky grin on your lips. "So, you know how reality is sometimes stranger than fiction?"

He raises an eyebrow.

"Well..."

You vaguely gesture, hoping that your flailing would get your message across.

He stares at you. He stares some more. He blinks.

"No."

"Yeah."

"No..."

"Yeah...

"NO."

"YEAH--"

His mouth drops in shock as he tries to process what you're implying. The rumors painted a... much prettier and mightier picture of you than the both of you thought.

"I-- you-- wha-- how-- what?!"

He takes a breath, chest rising despite his lack of a need for air. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and you get the feeling that he's restraining himself from grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you stupid.

"So, you're telling me. That the 'Divine Deceiver' and their little posse made of a literal god, the once-captain of Mondstat's Knights of Favonius, and Mondstat's most renowned healer idol, have, quite literally, been running around like rats all over Teyvat and somehow, somehow staying alive by a thread?!"

"I KNOW MAN, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE'RE STILL ALIVE--"

"Oh my--"

He begins to growl, a black orb of anemo energy collecting in his palm. You squeak as you try to scramble to your feet, his face full of rage.

And the whirling winds in your cavern suddenly stops, Wanderer dismissing the dark energy in his hand. "Oh, relax."

He blows a raspberry at you, as you groan and sit back down. You bring your lyre back out from where you unconsciously disappeared it and clutch it like a lifeline.

"God, I never knew your idle could be that scary."

"...Idle?"

Barbara waves off his question, a sheepish expression on her face as she fixes her curls back into place. "Its... complicated. You'll learn more about it as you travel with us." She hands him the used and cleaned bowls and utensils. "You... will travel with us, right?"

He scoffs, taking the bowls and disappearing them with a flash of light. "Of course I will. Its literally in my name. Besides, I have nothing that ties me down anymore so I might as well wander with you guys."

She smiles at him, ever sweet and ever kind. She settles back down near the fire, drying her soaking hands. Though Zhongli is still taking watch by the cavern entrance, you could see the slightest look of pleased approval in his face. "Though if you are going to be travelling and running from the law with me, we need to make a plan instead of scurrying around like rats."

And at that, the entire cavern groans in exhaustion. "Not now, please." "We'd like to have some rest first, Wanderer!" "Please, fuck, no-- I've had enough scheming for 3 thousand years--"

"Wait, so you did have a plan going into Sumeru?!"

You wave him off, hands going to rest back upon the strings of your trusty lyre. "Well, it was more of like... a guideline? A safety net? We had a couple ideas on what to do if we ever ended up in Sumeru and we, yknow, ended up in Sumeru so we'll probably do that."

You pluck a couple strings as you remember what you "planned". "I hadn't finished the Sumeru main quest yet and I hadn't unlocked all of the Statues of the Seven yet either. We were thinking of unlocking all the Statues first since, without them, my 'all-encompassing' game map is jack shit here in Sumeru, and then we were thinking of finishing the main quest to both progress the story and better the... political? climate here along with a few other benefits. After that..."

You make a face, much more aggressively playing at your lyre. "We really didn't want to split up the party but, I kinda wanna finish the main story quest in the Chasm but also we need to collect all the Dendroculous and Electroculous for more stamina and stuff. But also, I kinda wanna visit Dragonspine since..." You let yourself trail off, the makings and ideas of plans evident in your voice.

Wanderer merely stares at you for a moment, the game terms flying over his head as Barbara mouths at him, "I'll tell you about it later". You sigh, dreading the planning of tomorrow as your fingers calm on the strings. "But, we can plan tomorrow. Please. We almost died multiple times again." He sighs, relenting. "At least you have the skeleton of a plan."

"Yes!"

Humming, you sink into the soft ground, thanking the soils of Teyvat for giving you some comforts in this trying time. What little grass in the cave caresses you in gratitude, as you pluck at your instrument.

The Wanderer sighs, as he prepares a small pot of tea. "You've been messing with that thing all night and its about to grate at my ears. Do you even know how to play?"

You chuckle a bit, sheepish as you hand the lyre over to Barbara who plays a quick, jaunty tune with a flourish. "Well, I can sing...?"

He sighs again, bowing his head and resigned to the confirmation that you were much more... ridiculous than the gossip and rumors painted you as. "Then why are you the one with the lyre?"

You shrug as Barbara starts up another little song. "Gives me something to do with my hands. Helps me calm down. Diluc and Barbara have been teaching me though when we have the time."

Your soft smile at Barbara's song turns cheeky as you turn to him. "Wanna hear what they've taught me?"

"Sure, better than forcing this inane conversation."

You giggle maniacally as you smile at Barbara, the singer immediately catching your drift. "Follow me?" "To the ends of the earth."

You laugh, as she tunes the instrument to the right notes. "Not like that you sap!" "I know, I know! But yes, of course. His song right?"

You nod. "Yep."

"'My' song...?" Wanderer tilts his head in confusion, before realization dawns on his face.

"Hey, just because it has my-- ...that name, does not immediately mean its 'my song'."

The two of you handily ignore his slip up, you drinking some water in preparation for singing and Barbara testing the lyre if its in tune. "Oh, please," you say, sitting up. "you haven't even heard the full thing yet! It's definitely your song."

He sighs, leaning back against the cavern wall. "Very well then. Indulge me."

-

You start, reciting the beginning "poem" from memory. Barbara watches and waits, fingers hovering above the strings. Wanderer cocks his head, clearly interested. She begins playing as you get halfway, the lyre an excellent substitute for the piano. You continue, the Wanderer scoffing a little at the poem's mention of a poor boy needing no sympathy, but you pay it no mind. He hasn't heard the rest of the song yet.

"Mama,"

Barbara picks up on her playing, wringing the lyre out for all its worth for those deep chords and piano-like sounds.

"Just killed a man,"

You summoned the small drum you bought from a merchant in Inazuma in preparation.

"Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead,"

You close your eyes, swaying to the tune of the song.

"Mama, life had just begun,"

You didn't need to open your eyes to know that he's really listening now.

"But now I've gone and thrown it all away!"

You quickly tap on the drum, trying in vain to mimic the band's performance.

"Mama!, oooh,"

Zhongli was sat at the entrance with his legs crossed and humming along.

"Didn't mean to make you cry,"

Wanderer was still. You could almost hear the turning of the cogs in his mind.

"If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,"

The steady beat of the drum was a stark contrast to the deep, heavy feeling inside his chest.

"Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters."

His Vision pulsed, as his hand unconsciously came to caress it. Was this what it was like to have a heart?

Barbara's fingers were gentle on the strings as a set of footsteps approached the entrance of the cave. You could hear Little Lettuce's pitter-pattering and the dulcet tones of Zhongli and Diluc's voices as they catch up in the short time they've been separated.

"Too late, my time has come,"

He had closed his eyes, listening intently to the music as the waves of sound rocked him gently and deeply into his sea of memories.

"Sends shivers down my spine,"

He can see it now, those old fleeting moments of happiness before they were all ultimately destroyed.

"Body's aching all the time."

He could feel it, suddenly hyper aware of his joints and limbs. The feeling of phantom strings and hands pulling and pushing him like he was some puppet. (But it wasn't like he was ever anything else.)

"Goodbye, everybody. I've got to go,"

He could hear it, everyone's cries and wails of despair filling his ears as he sailed towards Inazuma City to beg the Shogunate (his mother) for mercy that they would not grant.

"Gotta leave you all behind to face the truth."

He could also hear the Doctor's cackling laughter as he began to weave his web of lies, webs that would replace the strings that she had put on him. That he had cut away.

"Mama!, oooh,"

He could see it, the light shining through the patches in the walls and the roof of that old hut. The kind and innocent smile on that sickly, young face.

"I don't wanna die,"

He could see it, red, red, red lapping up and eating away at the walls and roof of the house. Red, red, red all around them. As if he was asleep in a meadow of flowers. (or sinking into a pool of blood)

"I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.!"

You all gave him his moment, deep in his sea of memories. Diluc was wordlessly playing the zither, an imperfect substitute for an electric guitar. He'd noiselessly joined into your impromptu concert after he was caught up on the situation by Zhongli who had promptly disguised the mouth of the cavern as some kind of rock formation.

As he played, you thought back to the Wanderer's words. To the moment you first heard him say that-- his character teaser. Your heart had clenched back then, tears pricking the corners of your eyes but you couldn't help chuckling at his words-- that ever iconic song playing in your head. But you know that there was nothing to chuckle about here, Wanderer holding the brim of his hat in an almost vice-like grip. His jaw is clenched.

You all silently agreed to let the solo drag on at least a little bit longer. He takes a sharp breath. (You all know its his way of saying his thanks.)

Barbara begins plucking the lyre in a jaunty little tune, and you couldn't help but crack a grin. The atmosphere's heavy, but it's beginning to lift anyway.

"I see a little silhouetto of a man,"

The Wanderer scoffs, already knowing the next few lines by heart thanks to you. You all readily ignore the wetness in his sound.

"Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the fandango?!"

You were surprised at everyone joining in. Wanderer especially, being caught so off-guard that he jumped in his seat. "For the nth time, no I won't!" Barbara giggles as you push onwards, a manic grin on your face.

"Thunderbolt and lightning!"

Diluc only smiles at the mildly disgruntled Wanderer, his Divine Overseer and Mondstadt's Deaconess having stood up to sing their hearts out. "I'm pretty sure that's not gonna be the last time you say that to them."

"Very, very frightening, me!"

The singing duo once again became lost in the music of the song, belting their hearts and lungs out for their one audience member. Said audience member could only crack a smile and reply, "I had a feeling."

"Galileo, Galileo,"

You had all but screeched out said scientist's name as you pointed to Zhongli. When faced with the Wanderer's incredulous look, he could only gain a fond look in his eyes, shrug and say, "You get used to it over time."

"Galileo, Galileo,"

"Wait, you're all used to this?!" Barbara's sheepish as she answers. "They sing as a coping mechanism. We kind of picked it up over time as well." Diluc shrugs again. "It's better than alcoholism."

"Galileo, Figaro! - Magnifico, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,"

Wanderer cringes-- despite this, a smile is growing on his face. "You don't have to vocalize the echoes, you imbecile!" You merely put a hand to your forehead, aiming to up the drama with your next lyrics.

"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me,"

He feels the tug of old memories, of old traumas still clinging to his skin. But he pays them no mind, knowing he must march onwards to the future. A future paved by a ragtag group of wanted divine beings and important people that are beginning to worm his way into his chest.

"He's just a poor boy from a poor family,"

Oh no. He's feeling it again.

"Spare him his life from this monstrosity!"

He cannot help but watch you all sing.

Barbara's fingers fly on the strings.

"Easy come,"

He felt what he felt back then, before she had forsaken him.

"Easy go,"

He felt what he felt back then, before he was fooled into thinking he had left him-- left them.

"Will you let me go?"

He felt what he felt back then, before he was torn away from him with no bigger enemy to blame but his own mortality.

"Bismillah! No!"

It was affection. It was care.

"We will not let you go!

(Let him go!)"

Oh archons, he's starting to care.

"Bismillah! We will not let you go!

(Let him go!)"

For hundreds of years, he's hardened his heart and closed himself off from everyone and everything. Sworn to scrub himself clean of human emotions.

"Bismillah! We will not let you go!

(Let me go!)"

And yet, for those same hundreds of years, he had never fully closed himself off-- never fully scrubbed away the feeling of... feeling.

"Will not let you go! (Let me go!)"

He couldn't help but glance at those two, fingers flying across the strings of their instruments. Humans, can they really be trusted?

"Will not let you go! (Let me go!)

His eyes slowly drifted to the other two, one ancient and the other practically a newborn. Can the gods really make him feel anything other than loathing?

"Never let you go!

(Never, never, never let me go!)"

He takes in their entire performance, all of them being their pure, complete, and unadulterated selves. With no masks to keep on, or roles to maintain. Merely singing, and dancing, and playing these instruments just for the heck of it.

"Oh, oh, oh!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"

For centuries, he has roamed this world-- seeing and meeting many new people, and yet never regarding any of them as his companions.

"Oh, mama mia, mama mia!"

Would he be able to regard these people as such?

"Mama mia, let me go!"

Would he be able to trust them, like the did with the others? To stay and not break their promises with him?

"Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,"

Would he be able to hold on to them, and they not let go as they had been claiming over and over?

"For me!"

Well, he has no choice in the matter. He's stuck with them now, as wanted fugitives.

"For me!"

Only time will tell if they forsake him like those before him. At least he's safe in the comfort that the world had forsaken them as well. Just like him. He hopes that strange sort of kinship makes you understand. He hopes it makes you stay.

You whooped with joy as Barbara absolutely nailed that note, Diluc quickly shredding on the zither afterwards. You would've given it to Zhongli but-- the man hasn't played a guitar before. And you need a certain "je ne sais quoi" to really pull off what Queen was doing. ...Also, you needed the sound of a guitar for the song.

You glance back to the Wanderer, mostly silently listening this whole time. He was lightly bopping his hand to the beat. You smile, taking whatever victories you can get. "Beelzebub? Really?" You blow a raspberry at him, preparing for the next part of the song. "I'll tell you about it later!" You clear your throat.

"So, you think you can stone me and spit in my eye!"

Diluc hits that sick riff.

"So, you think you can love me and leave me to die?!"

Barbara, even if she's practically undetectable underneath Diluc's strumming and your-- excuse me, Zhongli's drum beating, is still managing to bring up and compliment every single one of you performing.

"Oh, baby!"

You swear, if you all weren't wanted fugitives forced to live on the LAM because of a crime you didn't commit, you'd be a killer band.

"Can't do this to me baby!"

You do gotta thank Zhongli for subtly swiping away the drums from you-- you frankly weren't quite sure how you'd be able to focus on giving this song the power ballad it deservers while also playing an instrument.

"Just gotta get out,"

Despite all your peeking on Wanderer for his opinions on the song and to check on his emotional state, you weren't exactly omniscient. You were, afterall, still performing and still getting lost in the music.

"Just gotta get right outta here!"

So you didn't notice the twinge of an... almost fond emotion lacing his face as he watches you rock out to this classic. What can you say, Diluc kills it on the zither.

The sound builds and builds, Barbara layering on top of it and you not being able to resist the urge to air guitar to it as it slowly reaches its crescendo... And crashes back down, Zhongli and Diluc humming along to the sound.

"Ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah,"

You gasp for breath, the end of the song finally coming up. Diluc's energetic playing slows down, signaling the finale.

"Nothing really matters,"

You feel sweat dripping down your skin, having danced and moved around-- possessed by the power of the song.

"Anyone can see,"

You lean your back against the cave wall, relishing in its coolness as you bring the song to a close.

"Nothing really matters... Nothing really matters, to me..."

You sigh as you sink, pleased and satisfied at everyone's performance.

"Any way the wind blows..."

Zhongli finishes it off with the rapping of the drum, mimicking a cymbal crash to his best ability. Barbara beams at the Wanderer, who looks like he's regretting singing along to that last part.

"So," you ask, out of breath. "what'cha think about the song?"

Wanderer waves off Barbara's tired but happy smile, poofing the fourth bowl back into existence and busying his hands. He prepares Diluc's Shimi Chazuke as he hums.

"Well, despite it being a complete emotional roller coaster and the utter gibberish that it contains, I suppose that its worthy being called 'my song', as you will."

"I'll fucking take it! Fives all around guys, good job!" You quickly double high five everyone in the group-- Zhongli letting you slam your hands down on his, Barbara being a quick pair of one-two taps, and Diluc just lightly bumping his full hands into yours. You turn to Wanderer, waiting for him to high five you. "You too, hat boy-- you joined in the song, you get some fives."

At least Diluc had the decency to look away when he huffed in amusement. "Hat boy?! Let me tell you, I've gone through many names and titles during my journey. And each one is more eminent than any ordinary mortal could ever imagine!"

As he said these words, his heart slowly sank to his feet as he saw the stupid, cheeky smile growing on your face. "Yes, yes... But! and I quote, 'they're all just water under the bridge to me now.

Call me whatever you like. Go ahead, let me see what you can come up with.'" The Wanderer's eye twitched.

"And that's the best you can come up with?! If you know me so well, oh, great Overseer, then you would very much know that I'm also telling you to not disappoint me! Tell me, All-Knowing Guide, am I not disappointed?!" You snorted, too tired from the day's events to feel any sort of proper fear and trepidation at this situation. "Then, I'll just keep thinking of names until something sticks, mushroom head." You pat his head. "Now, how in the world did you even get here Lulu?"

He sips from his bowl full of rice and tea. "Doro44 Sumeru Chasm sneakpeek. Would've gotten here faster if the place wasn't absolutely surrounded by treasure hoarders and Fatui. Had a bit of trouble finding it as well, since it was behind some rock walls." He grabs a small twig from the ground and starts drawing. "Its a sort of cave that's absolutely overgrown by giant roots." "You dare to ignore me?!"

You flash that same cheeky grin at him again. "We didn't ignore you, we just changed the subject!"

Nope, he takes it all back. He hates all of you.

---

AND THATS A FUCKING WRAP AUGHHHHHHHHH-- broooooo, you would not BELIEVE how hard this was to write. both because Bohemian Rhapsody is SUCH a long song but also because of SOOOO many outside circumstances. like BRUH i was supposed to release this like a day after my castaways fic but NOOOOOOOO-- life got so in the way man. my parents started breathing down my neck for chores, we had to visit my relatives in the province (still in the province btw lol), i got FUCKING SICK BECAUSE OF STRESS AND DUST ALLERGIES and i literally spent like-- my first few days sick making my sickness FUCKING WORSE since our house was literally covered in dust and i was the only one who could clean it fucking apparently. bro, i even spent this goddamn christmas fucking sick. ugh this has been such a hell week. literally the only comfort i found this week was all genshin related AHAHA-- i was playing genshin, visiting the SAGAU tag a lot, waiting for fanfics to update, just generally genshin brainrotting.

ugh thank god i finally released this one. i do have a lot of ideas for this down the road and hell dawg! i even got a request! thats the one thatll be coming up next. i wrote like-- a massive part of this sick and it got sOOOOO out of hand ever since i didnt get to finish it that day so i hope it sticks together well and is mostly coherent. enjoy!! :))

[ifuckingloveryoshu]

Self Indulgent Ryoshu X Vocalist!Reader

HCS (Or How I Got Myself into A Vocal Rabbit Hole)

This is self indulgent because one day I think I'm going to try to work on a project moon oc from the streets of music who sings. Also I'm too lazy to read all of this right now but it seems like a cool research thing and I will get some ideas from this. X Im blatently picking and chosing whatever. I'm also so out of the loop and like, I'm not reading all of these fully. I am an illterate Project Moon Enjoyer. Trust and go at your own discression.

I treat this like singing would help out with the lungs but the article claims that reseach on this area are poor and few.

(also feel free to give me constructive critisim because i want to learn how to write Ryoshu)

Just three bullet points in and fuck. I was just searching about neurotoxins a few moments ago. Aughhhh. If I find out me embedding links didn't work, I will gut someone.

Wall squats. Y/N is doing wallsquats to better train their lungs and Ryoshu is supervising. May god have mercy on your soul. She does it too sometimes and you both compete who can stay there the longest. Y/N also has to sing while doing wall squat. Ryoshu is exempt but sometimes she'll do it with you.

Y/N and Ryoshu run laps around the area together.

Y/N regularly takes waterbreaks with Ryoshu and the both of you are well hydrated. Hydration is very good for the human body. X

Y/N is not stopping her nicotine reliance but singing and doing exercises like this helps offset the lung damage. X

Just for a moment, when your together working like this, she puts down the cigarettes begrudgingly.

Its annoying but she must admit, it shows results. It's also quite usefull being able to hold your breath, pretend your momentarily dead only to suprise the enemy, or go in for an ambush.

As far as Y/N knows, their walking on eggshells. Ryoshu's not going to do anything though. She's not going to tell you this, she takes amusment in Y/N's underlying feeling of never being completly safe? There has to be some sort of unspoken trust to keep you two relaxed to sing well enough and the excersising helps. Respiratory tension gets removed when you've been running laps, huffing for air.

If Y/N lets her, she has the skill to cut into cut into Y/N's chest and neck, carefully showing how the things expand and the vocal folds narrowing, seeing the airflow. Its disgusting but also very useful information. (warning, graphic videos) X X

Sinner karaoke night. Ryoshu refuses to sing with the other sin-gers. Y/N can not force her. When everyone's packing up to go to bed, she stays behind and sings to herself a gentle lullaby she used to sing to Yuzuki. She knows your there. Tell anyone and Y/N gets a B.E.L.C.A.N.T.O. (Beat Entirely, Left Concious, and Neck Totally Offuscated) wrung out from their lungs.

Y/N and Ryoshu have excellent posture. Sometimes, to improve singing, Y/N and Ryoshu get to sit on the floor together and lay down, backs on the ground and heads touching each others. This is called breathing into your back. X X X

Other workouts include sit ups, proper breathing exerices, core muscles exercies, stuff that removes tension on your upper body

Being relaxed is also very important for singer's not to sound bottled up? The only reason she can momentarily stop smoking is because the singing is a sufficient enough distraction for the moment. X X

Ryoshu has a deep voice because of the cigs. She can still sing well though. X X

If Ryoshu's somehow gets a high or so into music herself, this is a possible thing that can happen. Y/N's job now is to try and make sure she takes breaks or chills out somehow because through this, she's still smoking her cigarettes. X

Sinclair is just with Y/N and Ryoshu sometimes because Ryoshu bullies him into it. The moment the other sinners got curious, she stopped. Indecisive if she stopped for good or stopped roping Sinclair in with Y/N. She just loses interest when other people start catching on. Sorry.

After that, she brings Y/N to her room sometime and you two only do the working out part together. Singing part is done on Y/N own time.

Put this somewhere idk (images of inside the vocal fold)

[nishiannoya]

hanamaki takahiro x f!reader, alcohol, weed, driving under the influence, creepy dudes, fake dating trope, i promise this isn't good im just rambling

Good fucking god, the man infront of you is insufferably relentless. What's your name? Are you here alone? Do you have a boyfriend? Can I have your number? Where do you work? Let me buy you a drink inside.

You're in no mood. You had stepped outside of the bar to get away from the crowd, not for some creep to immediately hop into your space and gradually make you more uncomfortable with an onslaught of intrusive questions. You turn your head to avoid looking at him, though it's perfect timing because you catch your friend coming out the entry.

Makki, help me, you mouth at him with big pleading eyes. He knows exactly what to do.

"Babe! There you are! I was looking for you," he says as he strides over to you and slips his arm around your waist. You relax, feeling safe now that he's by your side.

"Just wanted some air. Sorry, babe," you sigh and tilt your head to rest on his shoulder. It's all too natural, most likely because this isn't the first, second, or even third time that Makki's come to your rescue as your fake boyfriend. You've always been acutely aware of people's predatory vibes towards you - men and women alike who've come on too strong for your comfort. Thankfully, Makki's learned over time to keep an eye on you.

The annoying guy who had been hitting on you glares at both of you now, almost as if he's trying to detect your bullshit, but quickly replaces the expression with a slimy smile.

"Enjoy your night! Keep an eye on her - I almost snatched her up."

You shiver and hold back a gag when he walks away. A deep breath huffs from your nose as you thank your friend for the service.

"Are you okay? How long was he bothering you? You should at least tell one of us if you're going to go off on your own," Makki lectures with a serious look on his face and releases his hold on you. Something in you wishes he would've held on just a little longer.

"I'm okay. He was just being way too forward," you tell him and straighten yourself back up.

"What a douche. You good to go back in?" He asks, face relaxing after hearing that you're okay.

You nod.

"Cool. Oikawa said he's gonna buy us all shots. Stick close to me, okay? Let me know if you see that guy lurking around. I'm not afraid to have a word with him."

You smile and follow him closely as you make your way back into the bar. He always makes you feel safe.

-

It's another night at the downtown bar strip. An indie band played a street concert and you're riding high from being so close to the stage and singing and jumping along with your friends. Your cheeks are warm from a few beers and the exciting atmosphere the band had created.

"Shit."

The crowd thins when the show ends, and suddenly Makki is by your side gripping your hand. You look up at him, heart skipping around at feeling his hand in yours.

"Makki, what are you-?"

"Stay by me," he says as he squeezes your hand tighter, though his attention is focused on something in the near distance. You look as well, and you soon realize what has him so tense.

It's his ex.

Things had ended on a weird note with them, and Makki had been a bit hung-up on it, though you low-key always thought that he could do better. You see the hint of forlorn feelings in his face, and you realize that it's your turn to rescue him. You feel a little perturbed for being used more as a jealousy tactic, but it doesn't stop you from squeezing his hand back. You're quick to draw his focus away, swooping infront of him and reaching out to touch his face with your other hand.

"Hiro, look at me."

You don't know if his ex is looking. You don't really care. He shifts his eyes to yours, something flickering behind them when you say his name.

"You're here with me and our friends tonight, and we're gonna have fun," you say with a grin.

It takes him a moment to respond. You can almost see his brain working something out, though you're not quite sure what that is. He blinks at you a few times before he matches your smile.

"Okay, you're right," he gives in, letting his shoulders relax.

Your heart swells with joy when he doesn't even spare another glace away from your face. Your smile grows and you tug at his hand to get him to follow you to the bar you agreed to meet everyone else at.

"You can hold my hand as long as you want. I'll be your cock block tonight," you tease, though really, you wouldn't mind if he held on all night. You owe him at least one night of fake partnership.

He immediately lets go of your hand, a pink tinge seeping into his freckled cheeks.

"Thanks. I think I'll be okay. I won't kill your game," he says and pushes you forward between the shoulder blades playfully.

You make a snarky comment back that you could still pull your fair share even with him hanging all over you. A little voice in the back of your mind wants you to try - a whole night of pretending to be together rather than just a moment, like a trial just to see how it fits.

-

"Why don't you just date her for real?" Iwaizumi asks in earnest. He's not stupid, and can see just as clearly as everyone else that you and Makki something going on, even if it is momentary and pretend.

"Nah man, she's my friend. She's friends with all of us. You'd do the same for her, and she'd do the same for you," Makki reasons, seemingly more preoccupied with rolling the next blunt for the circle.

"But it's always the two of you," Mattsun says without hesitation, quirking a thick brow at his friend.

"Just friends, I'm telling you. She doesn't care. You're the ones reading into this way more than either of us are."

And to prove it to them, he tells you of the conversation when you join them later.

"Stupid, right?" Makki laughs as you draw in your second puff.

It doesn't hurt, but something seems off. You're not surprised that the conversation happened, though you pretend to choke on your hit as if you've been caught off guard. You shoot glares over to the other boys, who dart their eyes away sheepishly.

"For real dudes? I thought it was pretty clear that Makki and I are friends," you say innocently, more so to convince yourself than the others. You two are friends. Friendly friends. The friendliest of friends.

They seem to buy it as well as you pass on the blunt of your pregame ritual. It's obviously something neither of you want to address. Soon enough you're all laughing at Oikawa as he ungracefully spits out some Scooby snacks and the topic is long forgotten.

When nothing but the roach is left, you fix your lipstick in your pocket mirror and make sure your eyes aren't too red. The plan is to hit the bars again tonight, and you tell yourself that there's always the sad, off chance that you'll meet the love of your life in a grungy, sticky room of alcohol and hormones.

"Does my face look okay?" You turn and ask Makki for reassurance.

"Hmm? Yeah, looks fine I guess."

Good enough. You can tell he's already more than a little foggy by the way he barely raises his short brows. In a matter of minutes, you're out the door and crammed into the back middle seat of Mattsun's car between Oikawa and Makki. Both of their legs are pressed up against yours, but for some reason, you're only aware of Makki's hand resting on his knee and that the tip of his pinky is touching your thigh that doesn't move for the whole ride.

Despite Mattsun being more than a blunt and a shotgunned beer in, and with Iwa's questionable workout dubstep playlist shaking every car he pulled up next to, he gets you all downtown safely. You decide to go to the bar with a built-in pizza window for when the inevitable munchies hit you all, but for now, the guys use your feminine status as a means to work your way into a spot at the bar.

You hop up on a barstool and patiently wait while the guys get their orders in. It's a Friday night, so it's quite packed with a mix of college students and townies. You scan the crowd, looking to see if there's anyone who could catch your eye. There is. And your entire body goes cold when you make eye contact.

"Makki," you tug on his sleeve to get his attention, but he's too focused on paying his tab.

It's the guy who was bothering you a few weeks ago. He spotted you from across the crowd and didn't seem to catch the hint of you immediately looking away. Your eyes dart back over and you see him pushing his way through the people to get to you.

"Makki, hey," you whine, panic taking hold in your chest, but the loud music of the bar drowns out your plea.

The man is locked on you. He's either ignorant to the fear and repulsion in your expression, or he likes it. You feel sick and nervous, not wanting to give him the pleasure of any kind of exchange with you. He's getting closer and closer, until Makki finally turns to you, holding two drinks in his hand and handing one to you.

"Here, I got you-"

You ignore the glass being offered to you, reaching up to grab the back of his neck, fingers brushing against the short pink hairs and pull his face down to meet your lips. You close your eyes and hold the kiss, even daring to gently move your lips against his for the sake of it looking convincing to those watching. You can tell you caught him by surprise, but you swear you can feel him start to kiss you back just as you pop open one eye to check your surroundings.

"Oh thank God, he left," you say with a relieved sigh when you pull back.

Makki looks at you, mouth just a little bit agape and face unreadable as you trace your thumb around the outline of your lips.

"Sorry about that," you chirp in nonchalance. Surely he understands why you did it.

"Does my lipstick look okay?" You ask, leaning in closer so he can get a better look. His eyes fall down to your mouth, though he seems stiff and a little frozen.

"Y-Yeah. You look- Your lips... your lips look..." he rambles as he fights a goofy smile that's twitching at the corner of his mouth. You laugh a little at the effect it had on him, but he said it himself: you're friends.

"Oh? Is this for me? Thanks!" You beam as you take one of the drinks in his hand and stir it up before taking a sip.

You think nothing of the kiss, but when you peer up at him over the rim of your glass, you can't help but to feel a little bad when you notice that he's still staring at you.

"Are you okay?" You ask.

He lets out a small chuckle and shakes his head to bring himself back from wherever his mind wandered off to.

"Yeah," he responds. "I'm fine."

Nothing else out of the ordinary happens that night. You end up getting so drunk that you don't even remember the quick little kiss. But Makki remembers. It's the moment he realized he doesn't want to pretend anymore.

[honeypirate]

How do you feel about kissing?

Featuring the haikyuu boys! Just some of them though lmao

Asking your best friend (Noya, Asahi, Ushijima, Tendou, Kuroo, Bokuto) how they feel about kissing

Reader is fem

Noya

His head was on your stomach as you played with his hair laying in the sunshine during lunch. A thing you normally did in the summertime for the last how many years you’ve known him. “Noya” you say softly, watching the clouds go by. He has his eyes closed but he responds “whats up?” he says sleepily and you twist his blonde patch around your finger “how do you feel about kissing?” you ask and his eyes pop open, staring up at the sky before he sits up and turns around to look at you “do you wanna kiss me?” he asks seriously and your cheeks flush, you cover your cheeks with your hands as you turn away slightly “maybe” you whisper and he laughs “OH BOY Tanaka is NOT going to believe this!” he says with a clap and you scowl at him making him chuckle “no no no, because he thought i’d have to confess to you first! He didnt think you felt the same! Now come, come here pretty girl. come here my girl let me kiss you finally! my pretty girl!” he starts to crawl over to you and you giggle trying to stand to run but he lunges and pushes you gently to your back on the sun warmed grass getouas he smiles down at you “I feel like kissing you, to answer your question” he says and then his lips are pressed to yours, kissing you like it’s the last time he’ll ever be able to.

Asahi

You clear your throat, the sound drowned out by screaming from within the gym, Hinata and Kageyama going at it again. You took Asahi outside for some air after practice ended and were now sitting on the steps to the club house looking at the stars for a moment. “So, uhm” you lean back on your elbows on a higher step “Asahi?” you ask and he hums in response “what do you think about… kissing?” you ask and he tenses. Holding his breath as he debates if he heard you right, when he turns to make eye contact he realizes he did in fact hear you right. “In general? Or.. or” he clears his throat “or with you?” his palms begin to sweat and he rubs them against his shorts. You laugh awkwardly “can i choose.. Both?” you ask quietly as you sit up straight again,

“W-well.” he takes a shaky breath “in general, i find kissing to be gross if i have to say watch someone else make out at school. B-b-but with you,” his voice gets softer “i think i’d really enjoy that” he turns to look at you and you brush your fingers across his cheek that was warm from practice and from blushing. “I think i would really enjoy kissing you too” he laughs softly, shaky from his nerves as he reaches out to cup your cheek, leaning in and closing the distance, softly pressing his lips to yours. He goes to pull away a little too soon for you liking so you whine and and lean with him, smashing your lips to his again as you try to memorize the feeling of his soft lips against yours.

Wakatoshi

“Can i ask you something Ushi?” you ask as you walk him to practice in the early morning. He’s been your best friend and neighbor for years so when you went to the same high school and had practice in the morning, it made sense that you traveled together, plus he said he wanted to make sure you were safe on the train. “You know you can ask me anything.” he states and you laugh awkwardly “yes i guess you're right” you stop when you reach his gym and he looks down at you, straight faced as always. You take a deep breath and steel your nerves “how do you feel about.. Kissing?” you ask and he stares at you for a few moments, blinking and not saying anything. You figured he was thinking so you just waited, “I think that kissing is fine in a relationship but i wouldnt know much since i havent kissed anyone before. Ask Tendou he’ll know more about it” he turns to go get Tendou but before he can bring him back to talk to you, you were gone. Ran off to your own volleyball practice feeling like a complete failure.

“Oh you poor innocent boy. She was asking you that..” Tendou grabs Ushijma by his cheeks and leans in close “BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO KISS YOU” he drops his face and laughs “she was asking, how do you feel about kissing HER?” Ushijima is silent for several minutes until at last he mutters out an “oh.”

You wait by the gate like always, your practice always getting out earlier than his. You’re messing around on your phone, setting a new ringtone, when he appears beside you. “Do you want to kiss me?” he asks and you gasp, chucking your phone into the air. “Ushijima!” you shout and he catches your phone from the air “do you?” you feel your face flush as he hands you back your phone “why do you ask?” your voice a few octaves higher from being nervous. “Tendou said you asked me about kissing earlier because you want to kiss me” he says and you laugh awkwardly, rocking on your toes as you scratch behind your neck “if i say he’s right will that ruin our friendship?” you ask as you look at his feet and he responds by cupping your cheeks and leaning down close “I’m gonna kiss you now” he says and waits for you to accept or reject him and you gasp and nod in his hands, eyes fluttering closed as his soft warm lips press against yours, sending fireworks down your spine.

Tendou

2am runs to the 24 hr gas station were a regular occurrence. You held a cherry laffy taffy in one hand and a blue slush in the other, the colors turning your tongue purple. Tendou had an apple sucker in his mouth and a cherry slushy in his hand. You finish your candy by the time you reach the park and you throw the wrapper in the trash by the entrance. You pick up your skateboard and hold it under your arm as you two walk to the top of the hill.

You sit on the bench at the top and he sits beside you, your board on the ground under your feet as you roll it softly side to side. Tendou kicks your feet and scoots closer, his thigh pressing into yours as he puts his feet beside yours, rocking side to side with you as you sit. You lean into him and sigh, your tongue was numb from your slush and your fingers were frozen, he wrapped one of his arms around you and you shivered into his warmth.

This all was normal, it happened all the time. But it still made your heart feel special, god how you wanted to kiss him.

“Satori?” you ask softly and he hums “whats up doll?” he responds over the straw he’s chewing “how do you feel about kissing?” you ask as you use the end of the straw to spoon some slush in your mouth. His head turns swiftly to look at yours and you act cool, eating your slush and being totally normal. He leans in slowly, getting closer to your face with a serious expression trying to make you break but you were used to this, you knew him. You gasped when his frozen tongue licks a stripe up your cheek “ugh you child! I should kick you off my bench!” he laughs and wraps both of his arms around you and rocks side to side “no wait don’t kick me off! Im sorry! I’ll answer your question if you answer mine!” you groan “fine! What’s your question? Just stop shaking me!” he laughs and relaxes his hold, looking down at you with a goofy grin “are you asking me this because you want me to kiss you?” he asks seriously but the little grin he had made you worry he was going to make fun of you.

your eyes grow wide and you clear your throat, suddenly self conscious and feeling stupid “I!- uh maybe yeah I was but sheesh” you try and scoot away from him, laughing awkwardly “that was stupid huh yeah. Stupid” you mumble but he wont let you scoot away “hey” he says softly and you pause to look up at him, his goofiness gone and replaced by softness you rarely got to see “you’re not stupid, pretty girl. You’re very smart.” he says and cups your cheek “i like kissing. I havent kissed anyone in a very long time” he coughs “Second grade” coughs again and you laugh, remembering that day in second grade when your best friend at the time dared him to kiss her so he kissed you instead. “I’ve been waiting, hoping, you'd want to kiss me again” he whispers as his face comes closer to yours, you hold your breath as he leans down, almost 100%, leaving just a sliver of space between you.

“You like me. How embarrassing for you” you tease and make him laugh “i love you. How embarrassing is that?” he mumbles, his lips barely brushing yours and you sigh “as embarrassing as me loving you” you say and his lips crash against yours, his tongue tasted like cherries and it mixed with your berry perfectly.

Kuroo

“KuRRooOoo” you yell sing as you walk into the empty gym, “Y/N” He shouts back as he exits the supply closet, having just finished cleaning up, the rest of the boys already in the showers.”walk me home?” you ask with a smile and he nods “of course, meet me by the gates in ten minutes” you nod and wink at him before leaving the gym, heading back to the class room you were studying in to gather your things.

“There you are beautiful” he says when he walks up and you kick your feet on the side of the wall “can you help me down hot stuff?” you ask and he nods, coming over with his hands out.

You were just friends, that's what you said when anyone asked. She’s just a friend! Is what Kuroo tried to convince Kenma. You just call each other nice things! It’s normal. But when he places his hands on your thighs, slowly running them up until they land on your hips, you think it’s a hint about his deeper feelings.

“Hop down” he says and you blush with a grin not moving. you instead move your knees farther apart, wrapping them around his waist. He raises his eyebrows and you grab his hands, moving them back down to your thighs so you can softly runs your fingers against his “how do you feel,,, about kissing?” you ask and cock your head, your hair falling over your shoulder as you looked up at him with innocent eyes.

“How do I? Feel?” he asks and you chuckles “how do i feel about kissing?” he asks again, you laugh out loud before cupping his cheeks and looking him in the eye, bringing his face close “Tetsuro” you whisper demandingly “answer” he blushes and swallows, his popular guy persona draining from his bones “i like kissing. I like you” he whispers out quickly with a nervous chuckle and you beam at him, your smile spreading as you wrap your arms around his neck “i like you too” you whisper and give him a small peck causing him to gasp before he chuckles and wraps his arms around your waist, the wall the perfect height to lean in and press his lips to yours, feeling his smile against your lips as you kiss him back.

Bokuto

“Hey Bo! How do you feel about kissing?” you asked as you leaned over to his desk “kissing is great why?” you booped his nose “just curious” you went back to your desk beside him and he looked at you for a long moment, why did you ask him that?

The rest of the day passed by slower than ever for Bokuto, he sat inside his head, overthinking why you asked him about kissing and at the end of the day, the end of a terrible practice, he had convinced himself that you wanted to kiss someone else and he’d never get to kiss you himself.

“baby Bo what happened?” you ask as you walk up to him in the hallway, he was holding the straps of his backpack as he looked to the ground “nothing. I’m fine” he said quietly, avoiding your eyes. You walk up to him and take his hands, wrapping them around your waist as you pulled him into a hug “tell me Kou” you whispered and he sighed into your hold “long day, shitty practice, just too in my head today” he whispers and you run your fingers through his still damp from his shower hair. “What happened to put you in your head? You were so shiny this morning” you ask and rub circles on his back, the people in the hallway have all but disappeared now, heading home like you will be soon.

“You’ll think im dumb” he whispers and you shake your head “never Kou, I promise.” he sighs and stands up from your hug and sighs again, rubbing his face with his hands “i thought your question about kissing means you want to kiss a lot of people” you take a beat to think of why that could make him sad and you smile softly, taking his hands in yours “and why did that make you sad?” you ask in a hushed tone and his cheeks flush “i dont want you to want to kiss everyone but me” he mumbles out with furrowed brows and a pout. You laugh and cup his cheeks “oh Kou, i ONLY want to kiss you” you say and watch as his eyes go from confusion to recognition to bright and bubbly bokuto again “HEY HEY HEY” he shouts and you laugh “i knew i had it in me” he says slightly cockily and you keep laughing as you hug him, burying your face in his chest. “I don't want to make you sad Bo, talk to me if you ever get sad because of me okay?” you cup his cheeks seriously and he nods “from now on, i promise” he says before he leans down and presses his lips to yours

[angelguk]

what happens in this section is entirely a result of what guys voted please do not! come for my head in my inbox im begging. very sad in general like Angst with a capital A with a sprinkle of despair and pain. listen to mess it up by gracie abrams. roughly 2k.

(titled — out of line)

You thought Lucas would help, the warmth of his body a distraction from your aching heart, but he didn’t. Not the way you needed him to. He was sweet enough, made you giggle endlessly before finding his place between your thighs. But even with his tongue on your clit, your (now usually sober) mind still lingered on Jeongguk, his memory a stain on your soul. It didn’t help when you spotted him with a girl hanging off his arm, her bright eyes stuck on his face, soaking him in like the earth does the sun. You didn’t know her name – Chayoung took the liberty of whispering it to you after your biology lab. She was Hyeri, a sophomore with a delicate laugh and graceful disposition. That vile vindictive black thing that now inhabited your chest swelled, brain already comparing the differences between you and her. Your clumsiness suddenly felt like a curse, even though Jeongguk had countlessly said he loved you for it (or did he say that just to ease your worries?). Insecurities spring forth like weeds and you don’t have the capacity to keep the careful garden of your heart tended. 

They take over slowly, your eyes stinging whenever you see them huddled together in the quad. Bitter tears blinked back, your blinkered senses overlooking how Jeongguk’s quiet gaze followed your figure whenever you turned your back to him, even with Yoona yapping at his ears. 

Perhaps the despondency that clung to your bones is what led you here, face planted in the musky scent of Namjoon’s sheets, your heart throbbing funny. 

“Can you even breathe?” He questions. The timbre of his voice washes over you, familiar and somewhat reassuring. You twist upright to face him, eyes squeezing tight when the bright fluorescent lights in his room assaults your vision. 

“I was hoping my heart would give up if I held it in long enough.”

Namjoon stills, brown eyes flitting over you. He coughs like he’s working through various sets of words before he decides what’s most suitable. “And then what? I get framed for murder when they find your body here?”

You laugh, and it hurts. “Maybe. My body is very portable though, did you consider first burying me in the backyard?”

“Rookie mistake,” Namjoon returns. He rises to fetch the mugs of tea sitting idle on a stool he’d dragged from the corner of his room. “The sniffer dogs would fly straight to that location. Also, I’d have to dig a hole big enough to fit your head in.”

“And why would the dogs find me immediately?” You say, shuffling upright, palms ready to receive the tepid heat that will seep through the ceramic the moment the cup settles in your hand.

“Your perfume,” Namjoon says. He hands you the mug, heat fulfilling its chosen purpose, the scent of gentle jasmine wafting to your nose.

You pout then, glancing at him. “My perfume?”

“It’s distinct. Violet, right? Maybe vanilla too?” Namjoon says it easily, sinking beside you, utterly unaware of the ticking in your brain. Your gaze falters then, shifting to his broad shoulder and thick biceps. The ivy shirt he’s got on barely contains all that muscle in, fabric stretched thin. 

You take a sip of your tea, and despite the period Namjoon gave it to cool it still scalds your tongue. 

“Why do you know what fragrance I wear?” It comes out accusatory, but Namjoon handles it well, laughing low.

“You’ve had the same one since high-school, I think. And I remember you telling me.”

The fingers around your cup squeeze tight, your brain unlocking a moment you’d forgotten in the wake of brighter ones. A quiet afternoon at the back of your high-school, Namjoon towering over you, his nose trailing the hollow of your neck, a stray comment about how you smelled good washing over you. It was followed by a flustered younger version of you deflecting, heart pounding wild when Namjoon drew back to look at you as you rattled off the different sillages that made up your favourite perfume. He’d laughed, low like did just now, before calling you cute and pulling you in for a kiss. 

“Oh,” you finally murmur. “I remember now.”

You were actually going to change it after your break-up with him, but then Jeongguk had mentioned how much he’d liked it and the bottle had stayed.

Namjoon hums, his gaze slow as it shifts around the room. It’s a space that screams of him, light wood tones and plants breaking from the pristine white walls. Space carved for nature, a grounding sensation living within these four walls – something that seems to live inside of Namjoon too.

“How are you?” He suddenly asks, turning slowly to measure your features. 

You blink hard, only realising then that you’d been staring at his face for a second too long. “F-fine. I’m okay. Just busy, y’know. Finals coming up, planning events; the usual.”

“I know,” Namjoon says with a ginger smile. “But that’s not what I’m asking. How are you? With Jeongguk and everything.”

“Oh.” You can’t answer that, his unexpected brazenness shocking your system. The smile on his lips fades, a solemnness in the brown of his eyes. His next words are earnest, and they settle in the pit of your stomach.

“Y/N, I know you didn’t just come here to chat for no reason. We can talk about Jeongguk, that’s okay.”

“N-no, we don’t need it. We’re over. It’s been two months already. We’re seeing other people and I don’t really want to discuss one of my exes with another one. And maybe I did just come to see you,” you tack on an empty laugh at the end, hoping Namjoon doesn’t read right through you.

But he does. Like a part of you hoped he would.

“I’m your friend, you know. We had something but nothing like what you and Jeongguk have. Two months isn’t going to make a lifetime disappear. It’s okay if you still feel bad.”

That’s what cracks you, a well-aimed hammer knocking your walls right down. You bite your lip hard, fingertips pinching the ceramic in your grasp, and swallow the tears looming in your throat with a choked laugh. 

“I’m fine, Namjoon. I feel a little like shit but I’m working on it. And Lucas is a great guy–”

“But he’s not Jeongguk.” The sentence feels heavy as if it carries the weight of many hearts on it. But it’s also a line you were thinking about earlier, even with Lucas pressed against you.

“That’s not what I would say–”

“But it’s what you were thinking,” Namjoon cuts. Maybe there’s a peephole in your head that only Namjoon has access to. “And that’s fine. It sucks for Lucas, though. But you shouldn’t feel bad for thinking that way. Especially when you know how special Jeongguk is to you.”

Special. The word is bright, glimmering like Jeongguk’s eyes do. 

“I-I just–it just–I don’t know.” The tears you’d attempted to seal inside burst, slipping down your cheeks quiet. Namjoon pry's the mug from your hand, replaces its warmth with his own, and for a split second things feel bearable. 

“Hey, hey,” he murmurs, a calloused palm on your damp cheek, his steadiness clearing away the gloomy skies in your head. But he doesn’t tell you to stop crying, doesn’t whisper that it’ll be okay. He just tugs you closer, rests your splinting head on his wide chest, and soaks up the tears on your face with his shirt. Like the earth does for the pouring heavens. 

You eventually hiccup the despair down, finding the words to explain to Namjoon what you were feeling in between the moments where breathing didn’t feel like a race. He takes the news of Jeongguk kissing somebody days after your break-up with wide eyes, his eyebrows drawing together. And then comes the second girl, you don’t even know her name but it still cleaves something out of you. And finally, Hyeri. Her name is a lament.

“And it sucks because he looks happy with her and I still want him to be happy because I still love him. I love him so much it hurts.”

Namjoon cocks his head then, his wide palm sliding down your back. “You think Jeongguk looks happy?”

“Yes?” But it’s a question, your upward gaze on his face imploring.

Namjoon shakes his head instead. You don’t hear it, the following words a deep muffled murmur, “Both of you are idiots.” But you see the twinkle in his eyes and it makes your back straighten.  

You want to pester but Namjoon pulls you closer, and you lose yourself in the feeling of him, before a question can register on your tongue. His arms are huge, like sturdy branches defying the blistering gales of your heart. He lets you cry for a little longer, listening intently to the continuing spew of words from your lips, until the storm quiets into a breeze. 

“Okay?” Namjoon asks.

You stick your head further into his chest, breathe him in deep. “Okay.”

When he shifts away your skin freezes, but then you realise he’s reaching for a blanket. He swathes it around you fondly, pulling you in for a swift hug before falling out of your reach once more. 

“Now, I think we both need a moment to process that.” He’s talking about but you’re not listening, your eyes on his face, gaze gently trailing the curve of his lips. “I also think we need food before we start unpacking the mess you’re in–”

You swallow the sentence with your lips, salt singeing the corners of your mouth. But your movements are not reciprocated, Namjoon’s mouth is still under yours. The soft hand on your neck guiding you away is what pulls you back, right out of that strange dark desperate ocean that held you. 

“Y/N–”

“Sorry, shit–shit, I shouldn’t have done that.” But there’s no use now, you can’t take it back. Namjoon is looking at you with those eyes, the ones that feel like pity. His sympathy suddenly makes you feel sick, and you wish the ceiling would give away and shatter your head. “I should go.” 

He tries to stop you, firm but gentle with his words and hands. But you’re a wild storm again and nothing can stop you from snatching your butterfly tote bag from the floor of his room and fleeing. The black thing that had been subdued for a moment reemergence with vengeance the second you hit the sidewalks, vision reeling. How could you do that? To Namjoon? To the stable friendship you'd created? But he felt too warm, too caring, too much of everything that you longing for and that Lucas could never give you.

Just a reminder of the swimmer's name as you skidding to a halt, the thump in your chest vicious. Maybe Jeongguk was right. Constantly painting yourself the victim while actively hurting the ones around you. Maybe you should have never let him kiss you again on that rooftop. Maybe you should have never tried to love him.

—

It’s silent in your head when you get back to your apartment. Sieun is home, finally back from her trip to her boyfriend’s parents place, so you’re not surprised to hear the soft hum of laughter filtering through the house. You don’t expect to find Chayoung there though. 

They’re huddling in the kitchen, drifting out cheery greetings when you trudge it, only to fall silent when you mumble back a hollow response. A gentle song floating from the radio fills the empty space, three bodies navigating something tense.  

“Were you with Lucas?” Sieun eventually pokes. She’s not a big fan of him. She’s not a big fan of the current break-up between you and Jeongguk either. She’s going to hate you for what you’re about to tell her.

“No,” you mumble. There are twenty notifications flashing across your phone screen, all from Namjoon. You feel sick, and you might cry again.

“Well? What’s with the long face?” Chayoung adds. 

You take a deep breath, gripping the marble counter tight before twisting around. Better to rip it off all at once right? And there’s no way you could hold this inside of you, not when there is barely any room for your broken heart.

“I kissed Namjoon.”

“WHAT?” Sieun’s jaw slams into the ground and Chayoung freezes beside her, like her joints have suddenly been welded together. They stare at you for long you might have grown a second head during it. And then the questions come, a torrent erupting. You blank for a second, and then the guilt crawls up your spine. It may only be thirteen past five in the afternoon but you definitely need a drink.

[duckymcdoorknob]

Karasuno Boys x Reader as Theatre Duets.

IM SORRY YALL I CANT IGNORE THIS. ITS JUMPING AROUND IN MY HEAD

I rly pulled all the rent duets from this one but y’all pls it just works.

THIRD YEARS

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚌𝚑𝚒: 𝑃ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑜𝑚 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑂𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑎 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑚𝑒, 𝑃𝑂𝑇𝑂

MF IS A REALLY ACCURATE SINGER OKAY??

He just doesn’t do anything cool dynamic wise so all of his lines are kinda anti climactic.

STILL NAILS HIS HARMONIES N SUCH.

He really radiates phantom energy.

And looks sexy as hell in the half mask.

Dude, dude, he just.

Absolutely fucking ADORES the end of the song.

When he’s saying, “sing for me.” In a deep, husky voice

And you’re slowly just climbing up the scale into hella high note land.

Absolutely incredible for him.

𝙰𝚜𝚊𝚑𝚒: 𝐿𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑀𝑦 𝐶𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑙𝑒, 𝑅𝑒𝑛𝑡

I can’t imagine any other character besides Asahi here.

It just-

A confident and cocky (Y/N) meets a stuttering, awkward Asahi as they recall how they know each other.

Mediocre singer. Just like Tanaka, he’s no Jeremy Jordan, but he isn’t buttfuck awful either.

His immediate thought when he heard he was performing this duet with you was to get a small electronic candle to get him more into character.

He really loved the whole song. No specific favorite part. The constant back and forth “bickering” is so much fun for him character wise.

But his favorite line of the song is “the wax! It’s-“

“Dripping. I like it between my-“

“F-fingers! I figured!”

𝚂𝚞𝚐𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚊: 𝑇𝑖𝑚𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑀𝑒, 𝐻𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑝𝑟𝑎𝑦

Sugawara is a bundle of pure love and joy

Of course he loves to sing with his bestie about how they’re absolutely perfect to him!!!

He isn’t the best vocally, but he sure can talk with a lot of emotion in his singing lines

Gets a little too into it and...

Surprise? Y’all dating by the time you perform.

His absolute favorite part of the song is the instrumental break.

Literally because he gets to do a completely stupid ballroom dance with you.

He also adores your giggling as you both step through the disastrous attempt.

SECOND YEARS

𝚃𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚔𝚊: 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑑 𝑊𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑈𝑠, 𝐵𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐶𝑙𝑦𝑑𝑒

Y’all ever see the mafia/mobster AU for him?

Yeah he’d get hella into this.

Not a perfect singer, but not an absolute shit singer either.

Really touchy. Like when he sings a specific line, he’ll snake an arm around your waist, hold your hands on duet lines or turn your neck to face him with his pointer finger and thumb.

His favorite part is when you go in to “kiss him”, then just take his hat while he’s singing.

“Bye baby.” You get dangerously close to his lips, then take the hat and stifle a giggle.

“See you soon, sugar.” He cocks a sly grin. It’s showtime now.

𝙽𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚘𝚢𝚊: 𝑆𝑎𝑦 𝑀𝑦 𝑁𝑎𝑚𝑒, 𝐵𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑙𝑒𝑗𝑢𝑖𝑐𝑒.

Oh come on you can’t tell me you don’t hear his dub voice

He would have a ball singing this with you

He’s SO INTO IT IT’S SO FUNNY

A big, stupid, smile never leaves his face

His vocals aren’t the best buuuuut, he’s absolutely incredible at doing vocal gruff and the emotions in his lines are impeccable.

His favorite part is the chorus. He just really likes how you just let yourself flow with your lines.

“Be a doll and spare the lecture!”

He groans, “I’m offering you a full time specture!”

“Are you any good?”

“You betcha’ trust me, baby.”

“I just met ya! Really it’s a flattering offer.”

𝙴𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚝𝚊: 𝐼’𝑙𝑙 𝐶𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑌𝑜𝑢, 𝑅𝑒𝑛𝑡

The only one on the team with stage experience?

Looked so cute in his lil costume, really working the stage with you.

Better actor than singer, but he carries a tune fairly well.

Actually pretty accurate?

Gotta be a bass. He’s gotta be a super low singer, I just get them vibes.

Adores the bridge before the end of the song, it just really really suits your voices.

“I’ve longed to discover something as true as this feels.”

HE JUST LOOKS AT YOU WITH SO MUCH LOVIN’

Absolute screeching applause after your performance.

𝙽𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚊: 𝑆𝑎𝑦 𝑁𝑜 𝑡𝑜 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠, 𝐻𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑡𝑜𝑛

I don’t know much abt this mans, but he just gives off soft boii vibes.

He would really have fun with this song.

Probably at Suga’s skill level. Not a great vocalist, but a very good vocal actor.

Has room for growth though? If he took lessons, he’d do very very well,

A closeted theatre kid.

Mans LOVES Hamilton

Had to completely brush off his eagerness to do this duet.

“Psh. Yeah, sure. Sounds like some nerdy history stuff? But I’m in.”

Can’t decide if his favorite part is Nishinoya playing James Reynolds

Or you absolutely DESTROYING Maria’s high note.

𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚘𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚝𝚊: 𝑇𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑜: 𝑀𝑎𝑢𝑟𝑒𝑒𝑛, 𝑅𝑒𝑛𝑡

Now given I don’t know much about this guy either yet, he just radiates BDE.

Like he knows he’s a bad bitch.

I just feel like he’d be ready to do a bad bitch duet with another bad bitch.

Is not a very good singer, like at all.

I’m genuinely calling him bad, but in a nicer way.

He talked through all of the lines, but somehow, by some gobshite grand miracle managed to NAIL his harmonies.

Best part of his song? Oh, it’s a tie between:

“Say something, anything.”

“Test, one two three.”

“Anything but that.”

Or

“This is weird.”

“It’s weird...”

“Very weird.”

“Fuckin’ weird.”

FIRST YEARS

𝚃𝚜𝚞𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚊: 𝐴 𝐿𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑃𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠𝑡, 𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑦 𝑇𝑜𝑑𝑑

Sweet baby Jesus and the wee donkey.

Yes

Kei Tsukishima as Sweeney Todd is something I need in my life.

3rd best singer on the team, behind Yamaguchi and Hinata.

Really enjoyed the duet because it was a challenge for him lyrics wise. It’s a huge mouthful, especially with all of the puns he had to master his comedic timing for.

Is also a closeted theatre kid, so he already knew the song.

His absolute FAVORITE part is:

“haven’t you got poet or something like that?”

“No, y’see the trouble with poet is how do you know it’s deceased?” a pause, “Try the priest!”

You do the cutest little snort during the pause and he finds it completely enamoring.

𝚈𝚊𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚞𝚌𝚑𝚒: 𝑆𝑢𝑑𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑆𝑒𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑟, 𝐿𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑆ℎ𝑜𝑝

I just??

Can y’all agree with me on this one??

It just radiates his vibes.

Soft song with a sweet message.

I HC Tadashi to be the best singer on the team.

Like a lot of them are accurate and so it sounds good, but Tadashi like practices so he knows just what to do to make his lines sound better.

Absolutely melts when you sing the final chorus, you just let yourself free with the vocal run in your line.

“Suddenly Seymour, showed am I Ca-a-a-a-a-an!”

“Yes you can!”

𝙺𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚢𝚊𝚖𝚊: 𝑆𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑛, 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠

Oh comE ON YALL

It’s too easy.

ANGSTY TEEN WITH A LOVE FOR SOME KIND OF BEVERAGE

I’ll shut up now.

Kageyama sits between Daichi and Tanaka on the vocal skill spectrum. Like yes he’s very accurate, but he really just doesn’t try.

Gives me big baritone vibes, more on the tenor side. Baritone equals in between high and low. Tenor is the high, Bass is the low.

His tenor voice is so powerful. Like. He REALLY knows what he’s doing??

Except he’s completely oblivious to that fact?

Best part for him is “Don’t stop looking in my eyes.”

You always glance right into his irises, staring at your own reflection.

That small detail mixed with the sheer power of your voice absolutely kills the poor guy.

𝙷𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚊: 𝑆𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝐵𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝐼𝑛, 𝑁𝑒𝑤𝑠𝑖𝑒𝑠

He’s a naturally great singer, he just doesn’t act on it so it doesn’t go anywhere.

If he practiced and put effort in, he’d have the chops to dethrone Yams.

He’s so accurate and naturally sings with dynamic lines, making his listeners get goosebumps.

He absolutely loves this song with you!

Really likes when the harmonies start to rub together.

“Look into my eyes and see.” Is the best line for him.

When the chord rubs together it scratches his brain just right.

𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚊 𝚍𝚞𝚎𝚝: 𝑂𝑛𝑒 𝐷𝑎𝑦 𝑀𝑜𝑟𝑒, 𝐿𝑒𝑠 𝑀𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑠.

Y’ a l l

Seriously

I can’t with this

They all would sound SO GOOD

I literally can imagine this. Like. Listen to the song and imagine them. Just imagine this cast. For y’all who don’t know Les mis, the voices are by order of appearance here.

Like this is my list:

Okay so it starts with Jean Valjean, I totally hear Yamaguchi as Valjean??

Then Sugawara as Marius

COSETTE AND EPONINE WERE HARD TO CAST BUT I THINK I DID OKAY

Kageyama as Cosette, Has to be in tenor range or else he’ll die.

Hinata as Eponine, obviously in the tenor range.

Enjolras 100% Tanaka. Like y’all. C’mon you can’t tell me otherwise.

TsukiSHIMA AS JAVERT PLSSS. THAT’S IT

Asahi and Noya as the Thenadiers

Everyone is company obviously.

YALL PLS DO ME A SOLID AND LISTEN TO THIS SO WE CAN CRY TOGETHER IF YOU CAN SEE IT TOO.

——————✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞——————

[scarletwidowaf]

broadway, baby. (part 1)

Florence pugh x female Reader

Summery: reader is a singing waitress in a new York restaurant (like in glee) where many famous people go to, and one night the little women cast are are there and R is their waitress.

Warnings: there's some cursing and harassment. Its not revolve around it but its there.

A\N: im soft for florence pugh and this is a complete shit.

masterlist

Credits: Glee Gif Credit • Florence Gifs Credit

“I'm just a Broadway Baby, walking off my tired feet, Pounding Forty Second Street to be in a show. Broadway Baby, learning how to sing and dance, waiting for that one big chance to be in a show.” - Cast of follies

Life can be hard and some days can be rough, especially in your line of work where people competed for the spotlight on a daily basis. but that's life and that’s the road you chose to walk through.  And it's alright, after all, what's life without a spark? A movie without a breaking point? or a shift at Clayton's without drama?

This was one of these days, the kind of days who kept you on an edge as your body and mind both ached for a break.

'Just roll with it. just a few hours for your day off.' You silently said to yourself.

Being a young artist in New York was a challenge you’ve taken on yourself, luckily for you working at "Clayton's" was a good way to start a career.  most people who started working there were young talented artist who were determined to make an impression over the industry. The place was always packed with many famous people, from actors to singers and producers. So, in many ways, working in "Clayton's" could be a ticket to Broadway or the music industry. And that was the reason you moved there in the first place.

You tried the traditional way, but after months of trying to get into college and fix your past mistakes, like your high school career, you decided that this path wasn’t for you. no matter what you did or how hard you tried your ADHD still managed to kick your ass. So, that’s how you ended up as a singing waitress in NY. You liked your job, truly. You liked singing and dancing and meeting cool people along the way, but sometimes it was just too much.

"You look like shit" Aaron said from his spot at the bar.

Aaron was a sweet guy and probably the only straight person in your group of friends. He was charming and talented and most importantly; he was the first friend you got in NY.

Aaron pulled his long brown hair into a bun as he chuckled at you. You huffed in frustration in return.

"Thanks" you muttered as he passes you a mug with coffee, hoping to help you get a grip before the restaurant opens.

"You need to rest" he said. "properly" 

"that’s overrated" you joked and took a sip.

You felt an hand on your shoulder and you turned around to meet your friend's stern gaze. "You, okay?" she asked

"Always" you answered Mackenzie's question and she raised her eyebrow, knowing full well you were lying. 

"we should sing as a warm up!" David, another one of your coworkers and Aaron's twin brother said.

"Let's not" Aaron said as he rolled his eyes at his brother's enthusiasm. 

You laughed quietly as the two started bickering. Mack and you glanced at each other knowingly. Both of you already know who will win in the stupid argument.

15 minutes later, after a group warm up and Aaron's dramatic sighs 'Clayton's' was open for business.

It was a nice evening, not too full, not too loud. And most importantly, not too many known faces.

Of course, you liked to have famous people on your shifts, and it could obviously be a game changer for you but it can get intense at times and you want in the mood. Seriously, how can you be the only one who found singing "defying gravity' in font of Idina Menzel as a very stressful experience?? You were terrified by the idea you'll fuck up in front of the original singer- and make a total fool out of yourself. 

When 10 pm rolled around, every opinion you had about the evening flew out the window. at this point, the restaurant was full with costumers and some known faces as well, and you found yourself holding every inch of you together as you approach the table who was occupied by the one and only Meryl Streep, and some fellow little women cast members.  

 *rule number 1 of working at Clayton's: don't make costumers feel uncomfortable. Don't annoy the costumers, don't ask for autographs if they're famous and generally treat them as normal and respectfully as you can. *

 "Hello, my name is Y/N and ill be your waitress for tonight" you introduced yourself with a small smile. The women smiled at you brightly.

"How does it work" Meryl held the tablet with a puzzled expression. "Am I that old?" She joked

"Barley" One of the other women, Emma fucking Watson, said. 

"I know it looks complicated-" you told them as you took the tablet from Meryl's hand."-But it's pretty simple, actually, I promise. As you can see the top part of the tablet is divided into two sections: The right one who says 'ask for a waiter'- which means that your waiter- which in this case, me, is busy- probably performing at the moment, and you can ask for a different waiter." You said with an ease, knowing the explanation by heart.

"The left section says 'ask for my waiter' which is a pretty simple one to understand... I guess- if you'll need me for whatever reason, you can press it and it'll page me. Feel free to use it."  You said with a smile as you scanned their faces, making sure they understand the first part.

"And the bottom section?" Saoirse asked. 

"The bottom section is the 'refill' sections. It will get into validation only after ill place your order in my own tablet and send to the kitchen." You explained as you gestured to your own tablet. "It's pretty useful, the point of it is that you can ask for a refill without having to social with me. Its awesome"

You noticed one of them, Florence pugh, scanning the tablet with a small smile- as she listened to your explanation. She was absolutely a sight for sore eyes, that's for sure.

"Thats pretty cool" she said and you nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I got really excited over it when I started working here" you admitted awkwardly "most importantly- When a section isn't relevant its will be grey instead of in color so you won't get confused. Like, for example - if You haven't ordered anything yet you can't get a refill, for the obvious reason. or if I'm not performing you can't ask for another waiter... which means you're stuck with me for the time being" you finished with a small chuckle.

"I don't think any of us mind that" Florence smiled and the others agreed. The blonde smiled at you again and you blushed slightly. "You're singing, right?" she asked out of the blue, just when you were about to leave and let them look through their menus. 

"Yeah, i do. In a few minutes, actually" 

"Thats cool! Good luck" she smiled and you wondered if Emma, who set the closest to you, could hear how fast your heart's beating. 

"Thank you" you said with a smile and turned around to the stage. 

__________________

"you paged? I'm guessing you guys ready to order then" You said as you approached their table after your performance. 

"YOU WERE SO GODD!" Florence said excitedly.

"Thank you" you blushed slightly. 

What. The. Fuck. Y/N?! You scolded yourself.

The others joined into the conversation with their own compliments and you thought you'd die when Meryl Streep, the legend herself, complimented you.

After another few moments the conversation calmed downed and moved to the next, and most important topic: the food. You tried your best to not blush under Florence's soft gaze and keep your focus on the other members of her table as they consulted you about the dishes, but damn, that was hard.  luckily for you it didn’t take long and a few minutes later, their order was sent to the kitchen. 

 The next hour and a half weren't much different. you sang and placed orders, you smiled to costumers and even pretend to laugh at some old man's joke. And maybe (just maybe) you glanced over to Florence every now and then.

The thing about Clayton's is that apart for the famous people who visit there frequently, it also contains many of the rich and the snobs of New York, so you weren't surprised when you got paged from a table who was occupied by two guys with fancy clothes and their parents credit card.

"Hey" one of them said to you as you approached them. 

"hey, welcome to Clayton's! You're David's table, right?" You said and pointed at your friend who started his own performance.

"Yeah, the fag one" the other guy said and your smile fell.

Take a deep breath, Y/N. It's not worth it. 

"I see you guys already ordered a few minutes ago" you said as you checked your tablet.

"Yeah" the asshole confirmed. 

"Okay, in that case, how can I help you?" You asked politely as you could. 

"we would like to get the check." The first guy said politely as he pulled out a few bills from his wallet. "Keep the change" he said as you took it and made sure it was enough.

"Thank you" you smiled politely and made a mental note to give David his well-earned tip.

"my brother want to know if you're single" the asshole said and the nicer guy looked at his with his eyes wide.

Shit.

"I'm sorry, I'm in a relationship" you lied after a moment, hoping the lie will spare both his feeling and any more questions in the subject.

The guy nodded in understanding but on the other hand, the other guy didn’t seem to get the massage.  

"I'm sure he won't mind sharing" the asshole said and you felt sorry for the poor guy for being related to this ass.

"What the fuck Chad" the nice guy said as chad smirked at you.

"yeah... that’s not going to happen." You glared at him "have a great weekend tho" you gritted out and turned around to leave.

you were taken by surprise when you felt chad's hand on your ass. Again, what the fuck?!

"What the fuck is wrong with you' asshole" you gritted out and moved away from him. 

Don't make a scene. He's not worth it. 

"C'mon-" he started to say as he got up. You moved away, knowing you were cornered since the place was full, the lights were deemed and the music was loud. 

"Don't touch me" you said and moved away; you're back hitting an empty table who stood nearly.

"Hey what's going on here?" You heard and turned to catch Florence walking to you.

If a look could kill chad would’ve been dead. that’s for sure. It's like the sweet and excited Florence had left and a different, intimidating (and hot) version of her took her space and so help you god, you were glad she was on your side.

"Nothing! we were just leaving, really" Frankie said.

"None of your business" brad said and Florence raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow, daring him to cross her.

"I see" she said "well, I'm sure y/n won't mind my intruding" 

'Thank god for Florence Pugh.' You thought.

Before chad could press the subject any further David, who just finished his performance, got there. You were sure he noticed that something was happening.

"what's going on here?" he asked after he scanned the situation quickly.

"nothing as I said to your friend, we were just leaving" Frankie said again. 

he didn’t want to draw any negative attention, just like you, and thankfully for the both of you, not many people noticed the situation.

This time chad didn't answer, he just glared at Florence and you while his brother pulled him away from the place.

"so, are you going to tell me what happened?" David asked Florence and you after the two left.

Florence looked at you, waiting for you to answer him. 

"Nothing" you lied. "it's okay David, you can go" you promised your friend. David looked at you with his 'I done believe you' expression, but he didn't press it any further. He just nodded before he turned around and left. 

 Rule number 2: do not make a scene under no circumstances. At Clayton's, everything you do while you're on the clock is practically showcased. You slip? you fall? you sing out of tune? Its under a spotlight, everyone can see that and everyone will have something to say about it. Thats the thing about this place.  most people who started there and moved on to bigger things as Broadway or Hollywood were practically trained to keep their best poker face, act on the demand or pretend that everything is okay when it was clearly not. 

 "You should go back to your table" you said to Florence 

she looked at you with an unreadable expression before she went back to her table. You didn't have much time to read into it since a few minutes later you found yourself at her table, printing their check and having a small friendly conversation with the women. You smiled at them as they left before you turned your tablet off and went to cover for Aaron at the bar.

 "I thought you guys left" You said with a smile when the blonde approached you a few minutes later. 

"Why did you lie?" Florence asked with the same unreadable expression from earlier.

Okay. No smiling then.

"I didn’t" you pulled out two shot glasses and filled them with tequila. The blonde gave you a 'are you kidding me' kind of look and you couldn't help but to chuckle. "I didn't see a reason to make a scene over nothing" you explained and downed one of the shots.

"It wasn't nothing Y/N" she said before taking the other glass. 

"its fine. I'm fine. He didn’t do anything " you said as she downed her shot.

"Yeah, because I was there" she argued.

"I can handle guys like him. Seriously, at this point it might as well be a part of my job" 

"you're not helping yourself"

"I liked you better smiling" you chuckled as she glared at you.

"I'm sure you did"

"shut up" 

"How's your back?" She asked/

The blonde definitely didn't seem convinced about the chad situation but you were just grateful for the change of subject.

"It will be alright"

"Good"

"I appreciate your worry, truly. But I'm fine and I really don't want to hold you back here over it" you said  

"Who said I was worried" she smirked at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh, you don't?" You played along 

"Nope"

"Then why are you still here? Its almost 12 am, don't you have something better to do" you teased her 

"no. Do you?" She turned the question and you laughed. 

"I guess not - considering the fact I work here and I'm still on clock"

"Oh, please we both know this place is about to close" she argued your logic

"True" you admitted

"So, if you have nothing better to do, and you don't, would you like to go out with me? You kinda owe me after I saved your ass earlier"

"Uh, and here I thought you did that as an act of kindness" you joked. A small smile playing on your lips.

"Ew no" she said and You laughed. "Well?" Florence pressed with a cheeky smile.

"Yeah, why not. It's not like I have something better to do" 

"Just what I wanted to hear" she joked.

[oneeyekitten80]

Head cannons for Sam!

She had the biggest crush on Selena Gomez when she was little she was OBSESSED with wizards of Waverly place. I'm taking bedspread, posters, toys when they had the dress like ur fav Disney star clothes in target she lost her shit!

She likes to draw. She doodles here and there it's all over her notes for school Miguel likes to borrow them so he can see what she drew for today. When she figures this out she starts to draw little comics for him on the sides. He'll add to them but he's AWFUL compared to her.

Victorious was one of her favorite shows too. She and Aisha became friends because of this the both were crazy about it. She is a big crush on jade she turns pink on the ears whenever she was on screen and bright red when she sang. Aisha thought this was SO FUNNY. she still colors when she hears jade sing which Aisha LOVES.

she was a warrior cats girl

She was really into ever after high ( her and Robby will have deep discussion about this bc ever after and monster high were supposed to get a movie together and that would have been SO COOL)

Both she and Anthony are big marvel fans it's their sibling bonding thing

I think she was like a WEIRDO become the first season of Cobra Kai like in middle school and like a little in her freshmen year she was weird. I still think she's weird but she's embarrassed about it more. But I think she was like warrior cats run on all fours till she was 12 type beat. She knows a lot about animals. And Amanda will still by her cat stuff when she sees it in stores ( “mom im not 12 🙄” “but you love cats! I remember you used to wear those cat ears and paws for three years straight!” “mom!! 😳” )

Idk I just love the idea of little weird girl Sam (ppl who were little weird girls are the best ppl now!)

She was wary of johnny when he first started hanging around more with her parents. (she figure they were swingers when she was like 14 bc she meet her mom's “best friends” Kathy too much time for it not to make her question) she mostly disliked him cause of what her dad told her and Robby she knows a lot of the shit he did to Robby so she dislikes him heavily for a while but as he starts coming over more and more and TRYING with Robby and cooking with her dad and dancing with her mom and playing with Anthony she starts to like him a bit more. Plus he is kinda funny. (he becomes her favorite after a while the feeling is mutual)

After talking with moon she realizes she doesn't like men she tells Aisha first who is so super happy for her then Robby who is also really happy for her. She’s nervous to tell Miguel bc of how much he likes her but he's super supportive and he just loved her so he's fine being in her life non romantic plus its kinda healthier for them.

She has a crush on tory but also hates her so much. She wants to kiss her and punch her.

(“Dad is so frustrating! I just wanna hit her then kiss her! It's driving me crazy!!”

“Yeah I know that feeling”

Looks over at johnny angrily trying to send a picture to Miguel through Instagram

Daniel “😑😒”)

[jaeqtstuff]

― 𝑔𝒽𝑜𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊

words count: 1.7k

playlist: ghost by justin bieber (recommend to listen to it while reading, just to get the feels because im suck at angst lol)

pls note that english is not my first language. but i had fun writing this so i hope you too! xx

[10:15pm] after escaping the most boring blind date that your friend set you up with, you came across the usual late night bar that you used to go during your days with beomgyu. yeah, your famous ex among your peers.

everybody knows how in love, how insanely perfect the two of you were for a love story but that was during high school. college was a whole different story. it suddenly becomes so toxic that it drained both of you. waking up every morning was a burden to the point you can't even breath in each other presence. you didn't know what went wrong, neither did he but as years passed, it was all because of childish reason. the most hurtful thing about this one is, you knew it could be saved but you didn't do anything. and neither did he.

"whiskey on the rocks." you choose to sit far from others, wanting more privacy. the bartender seems to recognise you by the way his mouth formed a big smile as if he was welcoming a friend. you smiled back, nonetheless.

let's just call it off. it's better this way. i mean can you do this everyday? doesn't this itch you?

you shut you eyes close as you slowly savouring every drops of it. why does it taste bitter? it shouldn't taste like this. i should've just go home.

fucking sick of it. fucking sick of everything and just piss off. don't you get tired of me? honestly i am. so get lost from my fucking sight.

the more you sip, the bitter it got. you didn't enjoy it. maybe that's the reason why some people avoid old places but you were there, drinking alone in the most romantic set up you could ever imagine for a late night bar, the low dimmed lights and slow soul music playing in the background and not to mention all the couple around you. you hate it so much but you can't deny the obvious fact that you missed it. you miss how this place used to caress you with memories you still keep in the deepest part of your heart.

"do people still come over to sing?" you casually asked the bartender as he slips your second drink. you remember how beomgyu used to say that he will sing at the small stage and dedicate a song for you infront of everyone in the bar but he never did.

"well yes. in fact, we're preparing for one." he replied, with much excitement at you. you look passed your shoulders, eyes fixed to the small stage at the corner. they were getting ready with the mic and there was single stool with a guitar at the side.

"he's a good singer." the bartender commented as he was wiping all the utensils he had used just now with a clean cloth. "really?" you look away from the stage and bring your glass close to the mouth. without wasting much, you gulped down the rest of the drink in one go before taking out your purse to pay. you could hear the soft melody of guitar playing at the back but you were more focus with the text displayed on your home screen. "it's weekend. leave me the fuck alone." you hissed under your breath.

Youngblood thinks there's always tomorrow

I miss your touch on nights when I'm hollow

I know you crossed a bridge that I can't follow

Since the love that you left is all that I get

I want you to know that if I can't be close to you

I settle for the ghost of you

I miss you more than life

you shut the phone away and bring the card out to pay. you waited for the bartender to notice you but you were now interested with the song. your head unknowingly move with the beat, fingers tapping slowly on your bare legs. the lights on the stage were too dimmed and you couldn't see well who was the one singing but his voice was causing a whole war flashback in your head.

And if you can't be next to me

Your memory is ecstasy

I miss you more than life

I miss you more than life

you never knew a song could break you so much, not when you least expected it but the one singing was also not helping the situation any better. he was singing his heart out, as if he was the one writing the lyrics from some kind of painful experience he ever had in his life. anyone in the bar could say the same thing.

Youngblood thinks there's always tomorrow

I need more time but time can't be borrowed

I'd leave it all behind if I could follow

Since the love that you left is all that I get

I want you to know that if I can't be close to you

the more you listen, the more your heart ached. all these years, you thought you moved on from him. you can finally accept the fact that you can live without him by your side. in those years, it's a lie if you say you never thought of him during those drunken nights with your friends. but tonight was brutal. you could relate to the lyrics so much that you had trouble holding yourself back from any breakdown that would cost you every time you said you were good without him.

I'll settle for the ghost of you

I miss you more than life, yeah

you were never good.

And if you can't be next to me

Your memory is ecstasy (oh)

I miss you more than life

I miss you more than life

you were never calm after both of you called it off. you forced yourself to drink every night so that you can sleep without thinking of him but the terrible headaches every morning was torture. the moment you get up, he was all over in your head. you remember how you wanted to run back to him every night, tell him to forget all the bad pieces and just start new but by looking at the sight of it, it would make you throw up. you definitely knew it will make things worse.

you looked at the stage, still trying to see who was the one singing. heart still hurting but deep down, you were expecting something out of wicked love story. the tears building up in your eyes were not helping as your visions got blurry from the lyrics. blinking the tears away, you were nervous to look back to the stage again.

So if I can't get close to you

I'll settle for the ghost of you

But I miss you more than life

And if you can't be next to me

Your memory is ecstasy

you breathed in deeply, struggling to gain your composure. nonetheless, the shaky eyes went back to the stage where suddenly, the lights around the stage were slowly looking brighter. you could clearly see how he was playing the guitar effortlessly with his eyes closed. the expression on his face was tormentingly raw or maybe it was just your eyes telling the lies to the mind, telling you that he was also in much pain just like you were. one thing for sure, you eyes couldn't lie the one infront of you.

I miss you more than life

I miss you more than life

how can you forget his voice? you gasped for air, breathed in every sharp air you could get because you knew, the night will only get worse, will only wreck you even more than it did before. you could never get better from it.

the people around you start clapping, telling you that he was done singing on the stage. you could hear the soft giggle from the mic before the countless thank you from him. you carefully eyed him at the stage before taking out the cash from your purse, putting the card back inside. you couldn't be bothered about the points because the last thing you want was beomgyu seeing you in this helpless state. smudge eyeliner and mascara because of the tears and also the short lacy black dress you were wearing. it was too obvious.

so you left without looking back. and oh boy, the moment the cold air hit your face, you couldn't hold back the tears. no, you were weeping, sobbing, almost throwing up on the side road. walking to home will be hard but you were quick to stop a cab.

thank god the tears stop the moment you were in the cab. the warm seat kinda cool you down a bit but your heart was eager. you didn't stop there and pulled out the phone from your back. eventhough you didn't contact each other, you knew where to find him and in those nights like this, you always check on him. last time you did was two years ago and maybe it should just stay unchecked.

the moment it hits you, there i knew i am still holding on to the past just like how i always did. and perhaps it's because you are always there. not leaving me nor forget about me. i will just settle like this, holding on to that life i miss most. ― 15 minutes ago

wish you can stay longer so that this night would not be lonely again but it's not what i thought it is. i'm sorry. ― 2 minutes ago

you lost at the last words and now fighting your own mind, telling the cab to turn around but you couldn't get the words out from your mouth. you knew beomgyu saw you, he probably saw you in that bar. sitting alone at the furthest table from the rest. he probably saw how you were struggling in your seat, looking so pathetic in that dress.

he was right. beomgyu was right.

this night will only get lonelier. if only you stayed, maybe things could change but you knew, it can only work if both of you wanted it. he had his chance but he didn't use it. in between those tears, you laugh it off, thinking how stupid could you be with just simple words like 'i'm sorry', you were ready to throw yourself again to the deepest pit of hell with him.

choi beomgyu,

the only man who wreck you this much. the only man who can prove to you that there will be no other lover like him.

"choi beomgyu."

[timothy-chamlet]

the afterparty - t.c. fanfic

pair: timmy x female reader

warnings: unprotected sex, general smut

word count: 2.6k (2640)

a//n: ok er ive never written for timmy before so im nervous snsvsj but if you read it tell me what u think !! <3

°•○●○•°

people often thought the two of you were dating. paparazzi tended to make it look that way through press. despite all the candid photos of you and timothée plastered in magazine spreads and floating around on blogs, he would tell people you weren't together. interviewers would ask, and time again he would put an end to the rumor by saying you weren't dating, you were just friends. 

to be fair, you honestly couldn't even be mad at him. it was a good marketing tactic, at least. if all the girls knew he was single they'd still be invested in the persona of a young, attractive starlet that - despite his more than desirable qualities - is still single. genius. meanwhile you were being his best friend and his trophy for award shows. 

it was growing on you though. you enjoyed walking red carpet events and going to extravagant parties and meeting big names in the industry. it was really a win-win for both of you. 

another one of those win-win situations was tonight. the past three days had been crazy. hair appointments, nail appointments, dress fittings, photoshoots, brunches, and dinners. running each new day on an hour of sleep - maybe two if you were lucky. fueled by energy drinks and the promise of rest after the event. showing up to an awards ceremony on nothing more than a 20 minute nap and a double shot espresso. being timothée's showpiece was exhausting. but it was good for you. 

you had just finished your last consultation for dress fittings and were on your way to your styling appointment. the dress would arrive shortly after you so everything was ready to go. things were set for timothée to meet you there in an hour or so, after his own styling. 

currently you're getting your makeup done. a swarm of professionals all around you, handing products, giving directions, telling you how gorgeous you look, at least three hands on you at all times. after almost an hour all the disembodied hands move from your face to reveal the *almost* finished product. you still need your hair done, but your face was flawless. your skin was insanely smooth; not a pore in sight, your lids were a bronze shade, and your lips were a perfect nude. 

a hair stylist soon steps into view, also admiring your makeup before diving into your hair. it was simple. a slicked back ponytail is all, careful not to draw away from your face and your dress. 

the strong aroma of hairspray clouds you as you maneuver to step into your dress. stripped of your previous clothes, you step into your dress and a couple people help you pull it up. the woman attending to the supper in the back steps away for a moment, seeming to answer a question. 

"what's his name?" she asks into her ear piece. "uh yes. she's in here with me. send him in."  

she returns behind you and does up the zipper to your dress. to your surprise, you see timothée waltz in the room. dressed in a charcoal gray suit with a light lavender button up underneath. "y/n," he exhales, walking towards you. "you look breathtaking, ma chérie." 

"you don't look too bad yourself, timmy," you say, stepping down from your pedestal to be almost eye level with him.

"is she done here?" he asks everyone around without taking his eyes off you. 

one of the women there swoops in with a pair of shoes and says, "slip in to these and you're ready to go, darling." 

you step into your shoes and link arms with timothée. "carriage awaits," he says as the two of you get escorted to the limo. 

once inside you let out a deep breath you didn't know you were holding. "you okay?" he asks from beside you. 

"yeah, just.. tired." 

he chuckles and drops his head. "absolutely exhausted." you two had similarly scheduled days so he knows exactly how you feel. "don't worry, mon amour, i'll have you home in about 8 hours." 

"i thought the awards show was only 4-" 

"there's always the afterparty.." 

you audibly groan and drop your head as timothée places a reassuring hand on your knee. 

"we're here," he says with fake enthusiasm as the limo pulls up to the event. the past 45 minutes felt like hours as your head began to pound from the lack of sleep. yet, lucky you, 45 minutes in l.a. traffic was a miracle. 

the two of you step out into the scene. flashing lights from camera flickers, the general buzz of the crowd, people you knew trying to get your attention, people timothée knew trying to get his attention. being the kind person he is, he doesn't shy away from fans calling his name. he walks over to give high fives, say hi, sign things, and really interact with the people that are so invested in his career. you look at him with a fond smile on your face as he greets  people.  

"timothéeeee," you both hear and turn around to match the loud booming voice to a face. 

"armieee!!" he yells in response, hurrying over to hug his co-star. 

you stand idly by as the two hug and catch up. fiddling with your ponytail and the skirt of your dress. until that same voice catches your attention. 

"bring it in hot stuff!" 

"hey, armie! how've you been, handsome?" you two had only met a handful of times, but it's like your souls clicked instantly. he had kept in touch since the first time you met and you guys had been pretty close ever since. 

"oh i’m doing great. really. just excited for this evening. can't wait to see how many awards lil' tim brings in," armie ends with a light laugh before timothée chimes in. 

"oh god no-" 

a cheery voice interrupts the conversation. 

"helloooo," armie's wife says in a sing-song voice and joins his side. "nice to see you again, y/n. and congrats timmy on your nominations." 

you and timothée nod in response and utter small, nervous 'thank you's' before armie excuses the two of them, promising to catch up later. 

"well, well, well- this is it, timmy." you say from your seat next to him. the host reads the nominees for best breakthrough of the year, and timothée's name is mixed in with so many other talented actors. he nervously puts his hand over yours. "you are absolutely amazing. everyone knows that. you're gonna get it." he looks at you and you pass him a reassuring smile. 

"and the award for best breakthrough goes to… timothée chalamet!" 

his head shoots up in shock. cameras pan around him and his baffled expression appears on huge screens behind the stage. he slowly stands from his seat and makes his way to the stage. making a beautiful speech, thanking almost everyone he's ever known. giving gratitude to everyone he's ever worked with, his parents, and his best friends. he comes off the stage and returns to his seat beside you. a year runs down his cheek, and you move to wipe it away, but he grabs your hand away from his cheek only to press his lips to your knuckles. "thank you for always believing in me." 

"you're an amazing actor and an even better friend. 

the night was nearing an end. people were saying their goodbyes and their 'see-you-soon's and going their separate ways. you and timothée walk out of the event, arms linked, with his hands tightly gripping his award. the smile never leaves his face. "i can't fucking believe that, y/n."

"you did it, timmy! all you and your hard work. lemme pick a nice spot on your shelf for it yeah?" 

"i was thinking about sitting it on my dresser right above the drawer full of your shit you keep leaving at my house," he says with a barely visible smirk. 

"oh, well if it's such a problem," you begin "i guess I'll just have to come get my 'shit' then?" you finish sarcastically. 

"oh! how dare you?" he begins to shout, going on a tirade similar to that of hamlet; overly dramatic and mostly nonsensical. "leave them be! small, small remnants; reminders of thee." he trails off softly, dropping his head to your shoulder and bringing his other hand up to trail his fingertips down the side of your face. 

you can't help but chuckle at this. "bravo timothée! amazing performance." 

he straightens up before taking a bow and returning to his previous position on your shoulder. "do you wanna skip the afterparty?" 

"and do what, tim? i thought you were gonna catch up with armie?" 

"i dunno- go to my place?" 

you nod your head, and timothée let's the driver know to just go to his house. 

you get out of the car in front of his apartment, quickly thank the driver, and dash inside; excited to remove the day. "can i shower?" you ask quickly already making your way upstairs.

"oui, mon trèsor, make yourself at home. ill be up in a while." it was almost as if he had it scripted. a routine more or less. you'd ask to shower - despite him telling you almost each time you never had to ask - and go up stairs to do so; him trailing along about an hour later behind you. 

you finish your shower earlier than planned so you decide to lay on his bed until he comes up. you let your freshly washed body relish in the textures of the cotton t-shirt and shorts you're wearing and the damp-cool feel of the comforter on his bed. 

you're not left alone for long before he darts up the stairs and into his room, catching your attention. you watch as he walks around, dropping various articles of his clothing haphazardly on his floor. left in only his boxers. 

"timmy?" you ask in a drawn out voice. 

"hm?" he asks lowly in response; his eyes trained on you. you don't respond to his muffled question and instead watch as he comes to lean over the foot of the bed, by your legs. "i've been thinking," he continues, "a lot recently. about us.." 

"us?-" 

"about what the media thinks we are. what the people say. the blog posts, the tweets. i read it all… what do you think about it, y/n?" he ends with a light sigh, making drawing light swirls on your leg. 

"i dunno really. i've never thought much about it," you say sitting up. 

he moves up from his place in front of the bed, crawling up to sit to the right of your legs. knees drawn up to his chest, eyes meeting yours. he raises his hand so his fingertips ghost the curve of your cheek. "you never think about.. the possibility of us?" he pauses as his eyes drift from yours. hands falling to his lap as he scoots even closer to you. you sit stunned, not knowing how to answer as if it was some rhetoric instead of a simple question. filling the silence, he continues. "i think about how different things would be if we were together. what it would be like to hold you and kiss you and- can i kiss you?" 

his voice wavers as his eyes meet yours yet again. with quick movements, he moves to straddle your legs, both hands resting lightly on either side of your face. 

"can i kiss you?" he asks again, his face millimeters from yours. 

you shake your head yes as your eyes fluttering closed, your lips brushing against his as you move. 

he plants his lips firmly on yours. innocent at first, but the kiss quickly gets deeper. more desperate, his hands moving from the sides of your face to tangle in your hair, pulling your head back giving him access to your neck. his lips dance around the skin of your neck, being careful not to leave any marks. “is this okay?” he whispers, dragging his hands from your hair to the hem of your shirt. 

you nod your head vigorously and he pulls your shirt up and over your head, throwing it to the floor with his clothes. you lean back and give timothee free reign of your chest and stomach. he makes his way from your neck down and across your chest. your hands rush to knot in his hair as he takes a nipple in his mouth, carefully flicking his tongue across the hardening bud before doing the same to the other. 

"timmy.." you breathe out as he leaves your chest and explores lower. his eyes meet yours as his teeth come into contact with the flimsy waistband of your sleep shorts. "please," you whisper. 

he hooks his fingers into the waistband of your shorts and pulls them down your legs; eyes going wide when he sees you have nothing underneath. 

"so pretty," he whispers almost to himself as he throws your shorts in his floor with the rest of your guys' clothes. he runs his finger along your slit, collecting some of your wetness, tasting it. laying back down with your legs over his shoulders, he hooks his arms around your thighs to keep you in place. he runs his tongue along your folds and you arch your back in response. he sucks on your clit making you squirm and tangle your fingers tighter in his hair, pushing against his face, eager for more. 

"tim-... timmy," you beg.

timothée kisses his way back up your body. "hm?" he hums softly beside your ear only for you to utter another weak 'please' in response. 

"please… please what, mon amour?" 

"baise moi.." you didn't know much french. you had picked up on a few of timothée's most used phrases, but this you hadn't learned from him, so it caught him off-guard. stuck in a moment of shock. hearing you say something so dirty in french felt so strangely intimate; you didn't have to ask him twice. 

he slips his boxers, finally accompanying you in nakedness, and slips into you, moaning at the feeling of you around him. 

"fuck.. timmy-" you groan as he picks up his pace. he coos sweet nothings into your ear while drilling into your core. 

his head drops to your chest and the soft, sweet praises slowly turn into obscenities. "merde," he groans, picking up his pace even more. holding himself at arms length above you, he throws his head back; lips parted in pure bliss. 

you lift one of your hands to trail down timothée's torso. you lazily drag your fingertips across his chest and down to his stomach. the pleasure building inside you, your hand finds its way to your clit. “timmy... fuck! ple- please don’t stop. fuuuuuck!” 

“défaire pour moi, y/n.” you didn’t think french could ever drive you to orgasm, but when it came from timothé anything was possible. you convulse around him as your wave of pleasure washes over you. timothée reaching his own peak soon after, pulling out and emptying on your stomach. he quickly finds something to clean you up with before plopping down on the bed beside you. many silent moments pass - nothing but heavy breaths leaving either of you - before he speaks up. “you know,” he begins in a soft whisper, “i felt bad- like i was using you. just to go to events with me. i know you don’t really like them but-” 

you cut him off and turn to face him. “i might hate going to those award shows, but they’re a little less bad with you around.” 

he breaks into a wide smile and pulls you closer, putting his head on your stomach. "mon amour, je t'ai toujours aimé." you reach down to play with his curls and begin to drift off on your way to sleep. 

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

@sicktember Prompt # 27: Blankets

Title: Sick Day Spells

Fandom: N/A

Based on an ask box prompt. The prompt: “It’s all well and good until the cleric gets really sick.” 

What does a party of adventures do when their cleric is forced to take a sick day after a battle? Featuring a Halfling Rogue, a Dwarf Fighter, an Elf Sorcerer, and a Human Cleric.

(Author’s note: Holy crap this was fun to write, and I’m thrilled with how it came out! I can’t believe it took me so long to write a D & D-based story. This is the first time I can say with confidence that you will almost certainly see these OCs again. I loved them way too much to let them go. And there's three more people here for me to whump in all ways magical and physical. So keep your eyes peeled for them again soon!)

They say pride comes before the fall, but most people like to think that applies to everyone except them. Still, perhaps the adventuring party should have kept their pride in check, or else watched more vigilantly for the possibility of falling. 

The party of four were riding out of the village they had simultaneously saved and partially destroyed. True, they had fought off a school of necromancers that were terrorizing the local area and destroyed the necromancers' constructs, but the fireball they had used to wipe out the zombies had also wiped out the entire market and half of the residential district. Still, collateral damage was to be expected, and the slightly-singed foursome were in high spirits as they left the smoking town in their wake.

Their calamity came from a very unexpected source, and it started with a sneeze. The party always traveled in pairs of two, with the fighter and the sorcerer in front and the cleric and the rogue in the back. This meant that Filius and Kandry were generally surrounded by a cloud of dust while on the road, but they didn't usually mind, both being the hearty sort.  

Today though, the dust began to make Filius sneeze even before they'd left the town. After two sets of three sneezes nearly back to back, Lorellyn turned, looking at him with concern.

"Are you all right, Fil? Your cold is still bothering you, isn't it?"

"I suppose. Honestly I'm so tired I barely notice it right now. I just want to get back to camp and sleep for a day or two," said the cleric, congested and hoarse, trying not to cough.

"Well yeh certainly earned it. It seemed yeh were everywhere at once ou’ there, throwin' out healin' spells left an' right, an' destroyin' th' zombies in droves, plus flingin' necromancers here an' there with tha' mace o' yourn," Gundor said.

"He's right. We couldn't have done this without you," Lorellyn said earnestly. "You're the hero of the day."

Filius smiled tiredly, but before he could reply, a sickly green bolt of energy hit him in the back, making him spasm. He froze, then slowly his eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped forward on his horse. 

The other three jumped into action immediately. Kandry leapt off of her mount and onto the back of Filius’ with flawless acrobatics, somehow managing to prevent him from falling off of his horse and take control of the steed immediately, though she couldn't reach the stirrups. 

Lorellyn whipped around, immediately shooting a firebolt from her palm, aimed at the bush from which the offensive spell had come. The dry bush caught fire immediately, causing the pair of tiny goblin mages hiding inside it to run out shrieking, heading toward the smoking village. Gundor was already off of his mount and chasing them down with rage in his eyes, ending them with his axe before they knew what hit them. 

Gundor and Lorellyn were at Kandry's side as soon as the threat was eliminated. The halfling was anxiously checking Filius over for visible injuries.

"He's burning up!" she cried. "What did they hit him with?"

"It was a wimpy Ray of Sickness. I saw it out of the corner of my eye," Lorellyn said, taking over assessing the cleric. "Those mages were barely second level. I'm surprised they were able to hit him at all. There's no way this is just from that. There's something else."

"Well can't you figure it out?" Kandry snapped.

"I'm trying! But divination is Filius' specialty, not mine!" Lorellyn snapped back. 

"Let's jus’ get ‘im back ta camp. We need ta get off th' road. We're too exposed, an' distracted ta boot," Gundor said, looking around worriedly. "Yeh can look ‘im over there just as well as here."

The other two quickly agreed. They hastened back to their base, with Filius slumped in the saddle in front of Lorellyn, and Gundor leading Filius' horse behind his own. 

The ride was somber, the high spirits from their successful battle all but forgotten. Filius had a raging fever and was dead asleep, unable to be woken, but seemed to be in the throes of terrible nightmares, for he writhed and cried out the whole time they were moving. Whenever he would yell, it would send him into an awful coughing fit that left him panting and sweating. Lorellyn tried her best to soothe him, but she was clearly distressed, especially when it seemed to have no effect, and she had tears in her eyes most of the trip.

Arriving at their camp, they made a makeshift stretcher for him from a blanket, gently carrying the tall man to his tent and laying him down on his mat. They lingered at his side, unsure how to proceed.

"Why don't you do a healing spell on him or something?" Kandry snapped at the sorcerer. "There's got to be something we can do!"

"I don't have any spells left after that battle," Lorellyn hissed. "I need to rest my magic! And anyway, sorcerers can't do healing spells. Our magic is too chaotic. Bad things would happen if I tried. Do either of you have any healing potions?”

"I never waste time with that. They're too heavy to bother with. You all always carry them... Or Filius takes care of it," Kandry mumbled. 

"I gave mine ta th’ villagers tha' got hurt in th' blast," Gundor said sheepishly. "Filius planned ta brew some more, so I wagered I wouldn't need 'em."

"Some adventurers we are," Kandry groaned. "We can't even take care of our cleric."

Lorellyn wrapped Kandry in a hug, which the halfling immediately tried to wriggle out of, but the elf was stronger. 

"We'll figure something out. It will be fine," Lorellyn said bravely. 

At that moment, the party heard a commotion on the highway, with many people screaming and yelling loud enough to be heard at the camp, though they were well away from the road. The three healthy members of the party gave each other worried looks. Lorellyn attuned her hearing to better assess the situation while Kandry and Gundor waited breathlessly.

"It's a green dragon," Lorellyn gasped after a moment. "Something angered it and now it's flying around, attacking randomly. It's already killed dozens of people." 

"It's all well and good until the cleric gets really sick," Kandry groaned, covering her face.

They didn't have time to make any sort of plan, for immediately they heard the sound of running footsteps approaching their camp. A young man with wild-looking eyes dashed into their midst.

“Adventurers!” he gasped. “Have you heard? There’s a dragon terrorizing us! We need your aid to defeat it!”

Gundor stepped forward. “We hadn’t heard o’ this trouble. O’ course we’ll do what’s necessary in this time o’ danger.”

“So you’ll come? We must go right away!”

“Give us time ta make our necessary preparations. Leave us fer now.”

The lad nodded, hurrying away again. 

Gundor, Lorellyn, and Kandry shared a look. Without a word, they quickly began to break down their camp, hastily packing their things and snuffing out the fire under cover of Lorellyn’s disillusionment cantrips, and taking full advantage of Kandry’s stealth. In minutes they had packed their belongings on their horses and were heading in the opposite direction of the main road, deeper into the forest. Through it all, Filius remained unconscious, mumbling and sweating and weak with fever. 

After another hour or two’s ride, having hidden themselves deep in the forest, Kandry found a secure cave in which they could hide out. The party was in no shape to fight a dragon right now. Here, they wouldn’t be in danger, or be run out of town for not assisting with the dragon. Gundor secured the perimeter while Lorellyn attended to the sick cleric, laying him out gently on his bedroll once more and bathing his sweat-slicked face with a wet rag while Kandry saw to the rest of the camp preparations. The cool water slowly brought Filius to consciousness, with much coughing and trembling. However, wakefulness did not bring awareness with it. He looked around dully, his eyes heavy-lidded and fever-bright, but seemed to take in little of what he saw. He closed his eyes again wearily without acknowledging his companions hovering over him worriedly. Shivers wracked his body.

“ ‘m so cold,” he coughed. “Thirsty….” 

Kandry rushed to get him a mug of water while Lorellyn snatched the blankets off of each of the other bedrolls and brought them over, covering him in all of them. They seemed to have no effect though, and he continued to shiver violently. Gundor built up the fire frantically, but it took a while to catch, and the smoke only made the sick human cough more. After drinking two mugs of water, Filius fell back asleep, which was somehow both a relief and a worry to his friends. His fever never changed, neither going lower nor higher.

“I’ll run ta th’ village ta get ‘im some kind o’ potion,” Gundor murmured over supper. “I can’t watch ‘im suffer like this.”

“And risk being seen, or worse attacked by a dragon?” Kandry scoffed. “After all the trouble we went to to find this place and stay hidden? Please don’t.”

“She’s right,” Lorellyn said. “That’s at least two hours' ride, and one of us will be left alone and vulnerable. At least wait until morning, when our health and spells are back up. If he’s the same or worse, then go. We’ll see how he does through the night.”

Once night fell, with nothing else to do, the party tried to sleep, rotating 6 hour shifts keeping watch, as usual. However, even when not on guard duty, the party members found they couldn’t settle, and kept lifting their heads to shoot worried glances at their cleric, or make sure he hadn’t worsened. Gundor had had the first watch, and when it came time for him to rest, he settled on his bedroll, but then tossed and turned for a long time. He was usually snoring like a bear within moments of shutting his eyes, so this had the ladies on high alert. Finally, the dwarf got up with a huff, picked up his bedroll and carried it over to Filius’ side, dropping it there. When he lay back down, he was close enough that his shoulder touched the cleric’s. The dwarf then pulled a corner of one of the blankets over himself and rolled to his side, pressing up against the human, and immediately falling asleep with a weary snore. 

Lorellyn had the second watch, and she kept shooting tender, but envious looks at the sleeping men. Filius never woke, but he seemed to sleep more peacefully after Gundor had joined him. As soon as her watch was finished, she followed the dwarf’s lead, pushing her bedroll up against the other side of the sick human, sliding under the blankets, and resuming her meditation. 

Kandry was not so easily swayed, and tried to ignore the thoughtless sharing of germs happening behind her as she took her turn at the watch. However, when no one was looking, she surreptitiously slid her bedroll around to the other side of the fire, placing her closer to her companions.

Had Gundor and Lorellyn been aware of their surroundings, they would have noticed that in the wee hours of the morning Filius began to sweat profusely. He had hardly moved after the other two had settled in with him to share their body heat, but he began to mutter and toss a bit once more. Finally, just as dawn was creeping over the horizon, he woke with a gasp, sitting bolt upright with a hacking cough. Lorellyn and Gundor were instantly awakened as well, and Kandry was at their side in an instant. Filius tried to catch his breath, pushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes. 

“Where ‘m I?” he croaked. “What happened?”

Lorellyn leaned over to press the back of her hand to his forehead, then his neck. “We’re safely hidden in the forest. Are you alright? How are you feeling?”

“Awful,” Filius groaned. “Sick. How long have I been asleep?” He yawned hugely. 

“Almost a day,” Kandry said, pressing a mug of water into his hands. “You scared us half to death. You got hit with a Ray of Sickness and you just… passed out.”

“I did?” he said worriedly, looking confused. “I don’t remember that….”

“Yeah. Did you have some poison in your system too or something? I’ve never seen Ray of Sickness do that,” Kandry said accusingly. 

“Not that I know of. Might have to do with me already being sick when it hit me. Just exacerbated everything, made it worse temporarily.” He coughed roughly into his shoulder, wincing, then downed the mug of water. 

“Well your fever is much better,” Lorellyn said happily. “Let’s hope you’re on the mend now!”

“I’d be on the mend faster if I got some whiskey,” Filius sniffled, looking meaningfully at Gundor. The sleepy dwarf readily got up and shuffled to his pack. Finding what he was looking for, he returned with an amber-colored bottle and handed it to the cleric, who took several unceremonious gulps. 

“Good ta have yeh back, mate,” Gundor rumbled happily, reclaiming the bottle and taking several swigs of his own. 

“What are you all doing over here anyway?” Filius said after a moment, yawning again. “This cave is plenty big enough for all of us.”

“You were freezing, so we shared our blankets with you,” Lorellyn said.

“Really? You mean you slept here all night?”

“Tha’ we did. ‘Twas a mighty fine night’s rest, too,” Gundor said. “Matter o’ fact, I could use some more shuteye if it’s all th’ same ta you lot.” With that, he lay back down right where he was, pressing up against Filius once more and closing his eyes. The cleric looked surprised, though not unhappy with this development. 

“Some more rest would be nice. Filius, are you able to put up some protection spells so we can all relax for another day? I hate to ask so much of you--” Lorellyn began.

“No, it’s fine,” he said, coughing chestily. “I can manage.” He grasped his talisman of Njord and closed his eyes, his brow furrowing. After a moment, an opaque barrier appeared over the cave’s entryway. No creature, magical or otherwise, would be able to pass through. Looking exhausted now, he lay back down alongside Gundor and shut his eyes, a tiny smile appearing on his face as the dwarf shifted cozily against him and Lorellyn too pressed closer. 

Lorellyn was also grinning. “Come join us, Kandry.”

The halfling rolled her eyes. “I don’t cuddle.”

“I don’t either, but here we are,” Filius mumbled, almost asleep. “Just call it team bonding.”

Kandry almost declined again… but it really did look very cozy to be surrounded by blankets and pillows and teammates. With a little sigh, she shuffled over and slotted herself in, with Filius’ long legs on one side of her, and Lorellyn’s on the other. 

They spent the rest of the day just like that, sleeping and eating and talking, content to take a day to simply enjoy each other’s company as they let their cleric take a sick day.

[faithinthefuture28]

Larry songs timeline & what it tells us about the evolution of their relationship

**These are all just my interpretations but the more I listen to the music they wrote, the more it all fits together. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THROUGHOUT THE YEARS THEY’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WRITING “AUTOBIOGRAPHICALLY” AND “FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE”

I deffo missed some songs but these stood out to me:

2013

L-Strong: Love isn’t easy (waves trying to break it) but what we have means something and it’s worth fighting for. read: love is only for the brave (Think of how much love that’s been wasted...there’s nothing i’m running from...i don’t care, I’m not scared of love) And we bring out the best in each other so lets not throw this away (i’d do anything to save it...when i’m not with you i’m weaker). 

H-Happily: I want to fight for us too bc we’re on fire and our love is powerful af. ik we have to do stunts and stuff (and if (s)he feels my traces in your hair, sorry love but I don’t really care) but what we have is insane and fuck everyone else bc you’re MINE and i’m YOURS at the end of the day (i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep). Together, we’re magic so just be with me so happily

H-Something Great: ****this song is very straightforward so i won’t explain it much***** (i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i dont have to keep imagining... We’re better off together here tonight). Written as a longing for what could be if they dont have to suppress the relationship. (script was written...want to rip it all to shreds) Louis’ response (you’re all I want so much it’s hurting) basically says “it’s not too much to ask babe, i want it too.” This has the kind of longing that ‘wouldn’t it be nice- beach boys’ which Harry has admitted is kind of a theme song. 

L-Through the Dark: I know all this bs we’re going through is taking a toll on you and hurts you and i hate seeing you upset (you tell me that your sad...you tell me that you’re hurt and youre in pain and i can see your head is held in shame...i just wanna see you smile again) but I will do everything physically possible to protect you from any pain bb (i’d never let you fall and break your heart, if u wanna cry or fall apart, i’ll be there to hold ya). We’re going through this together and I will take on any responsibility needed to keep you happy.  I’M WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL TO FIGHT FOR US HARRY LOVE (entire chorus basically).

L-Better than Words: holy fuck our love is amazing can’t even describe it can i just sing to you foreva love u babycakes

L-Why don’t we go there: what if...we just forgot about the world and escaped and enjoyed each others love and rode the high??? Also sex

2014

L-Ready to Run: *******Followup to Why Don’t We Go There*********** But this time let’s escape for real bc (there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time). Like i’m ready to get out of here and it could just be us living happily ever after (this time i’m ready to run). Honestly nothing else makes sense (without you i’ll never make it out alive...wherever you are is the place i belong). I know what i want out of life and IT’S YOU HARREH (i want to be free and i wanna be yours, i will never look back). 

L-Steal My Girl: all u thirsty hoes find someone else bc Harry is MY pretty princess. Srsly ask his family. But you can still admire how he looks in those jeans. We all do. You know the ones

L-No Control: boy u fine, let’s do what lovers do IN THE MORNING. bc we can. also you own me and i am urs

L-Clouds: WE KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE HARD SO WHY ARE YOU BEING A LITTLE BITCH (you dont like it complicated...but love is never ever simple...you are tired of all the changes, but love is always always changing). We could be great yo, just keep fighting (if we’re never coming back down, we’ll looking down on the clouds...we go and we go and we dont stop)

H-Where do Broken Hearts Go: IM SORRY LOU BABY YOURE EVERYTHING (rest of my crimes dont come close the look on your face when i let you go... the taste of your lips...is at the top of the list of things i want). H&L’s call and  response at the end is basically forgiveness and acknowledgment (come on baby come and get me out, come on baby cuz i need you now)

H-Two Ghosts: *****was written around this time according to Harry******. This is fucking hard yo. We’re drained and exhausted and idk how much more we can fight for this... (it’s not you and it’s not me...sounds like something that i used to feel). That infatuation and electricity and hope that fueled our younger selves isn’t really there anymore and i’m just tired man (we’re just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat, we’re not who we used to be...this was all we used to need). We’re empty vessels going through the motions (same eyes blue, couple more tattoos). AND WE AREN’T FUCKING COMMUNICATING (we dont say what we really mean). 

2015

H&L-Perfect: so what if... we get rid of the pressure of forever? What if we just have fun doing the stupid shit we love and makes us feel alive (trouble up in hotel rooms, secret little rendezvous, things you know that we shouldn’t do). Like we won’t be out of each others’ lives, I’m still around and we can find comfort in each other and even mess around here and there (I can be the one you love from time to time). Remember how we used to be young and EXCITED (when i first saw you from across the room, i could tell that you were curious) let’s get that energy back without the responsiblity of an adult relationship. And we can keep making art lmao (if youre looking for someone to write your breakup songs about). 

L-Long Way Down *****this song fkn hurts man. It’s overlooked a lot but shows so much insight**** We were...everything. And maybe that’s the problem? We’ve been through so fucking much, more than anyone our age should have to endure. (We've been in fire, Went down in the flames. We sailed the ocean And drowned in the waves. Built a cathedral But we never prayed) We didn’t know what we had. We were damn kids man. We weren’t prepared for all this. We didn’t know how powerful this would be. We didn’t know what it required of us. (We had a mountain But took it for granted. We had it all yeah. Who could’ve planned it). We didn’t know what to do with it, how to deal with it, so here we are. (We had a spaceship But we couldn't land it) We’re each other’s everything, but we can’t keep going on like this babe. (We found an island But we got stranded). I don’t want to leave you but being together is breaking us down. (Point of no return and now It's just too late to turn around) We thought we were untouchable. That love conquers all. Maybe, we were wrong. This is gonna hurt like a bitch (We built it up so high and now I'm fallin', it’s a long way down)

H-Olivia: I LIVE FOR YOU, I LONG FOR YOU, I LOVE YA. And i think i’ll always love ya. And I’m scared...of life without you (i get the feeling you’re walking out, time is irrelevant when i’ve not been seeing you, the consequences are falling now, there’s something i’m having nightmares about...dont let me go). But maybe just maybe thats okay, because you’re AIMH (you live in my imagination...i love you, it’s all i do). 

L-Love you Goodbye: I fucking love you and I’ll always fucking love you but i think this is the right thing to do even though it feels so wrong (i know there’s nothing i can do to change it, but is there something that can be negotiated?) We made some goddamn fireworks together though (unforgettable together held the whole world in our hands) and do ya maybe think...we can make them just once more? (if tomorrow you wont be mine, let me give it to you one last time, baby let me love you goodbye...one more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we’ve been and the nights we’ve had because if this is it, then at least we could end it riiiiight). ********in the interview with our FAVE Gwen Garcia, she asked if it’s better to say goodbye and end a relationship that’s not feeling right or keep trying even if your heart’s not in it. Harry responds with “I think it’s better to say goodbye...but sometimes if youre trying to protect..” Then Louis cuts him off and says “you’re going deep aren’t you”, brushing the question off as a joke but imho i think there was pain in that answer. Then Harry continues “if you’re not 100% in it, I think it’s better for both parties if you say goodbye”. And Louis adds a “yeah” at the end.********

H-Walking in the Wind: I know this is scary but i think we can do it, (you said to me do you believe i’ll be too far? if youre lost just look for me you’ll find me) I think because youre AIMH and i’m always in yours, it’ll be good for us. And look at us being mature, we’re killing it babe. We can live our separate lives and grow on our own. We dont need to make it messy and hurtful. We’re on the same page. (the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won. A necessity for apologies between you and me, baby there is none). At this point, we’re kinda part of each other right? So it’s healthy for us to be apart for a bit. (it’s not the end, i’ll see your face again... i know we’ll be alright...just close your eyes and see i’ll be by your side any time you need me). And you’ve helped me grow into the person I am, and I you, so that’s cool as hell, right? (you will find me in places that we’ve never been). We had a TON of fun (we had some good times didnt we) so i feel okay that we’re doing this (goodbyes are bittersweet) and starting the next adventure in our lives. 

H-If I could fly: I. am. yours. Louis. William. Tomlinson. (for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart). Maybe this growth thing isn’t worth it, let me prove to you how much you mean to me (i think i might give up everything just ask me to). This is gonna be hard as shit because i’m so dependent on you (i’m missing half of me when we’re apart). I’m being honest and I’m being scared and I’m being vulnerable because I can’t lie to you and pretend I’m strong (i let my guard down, right now i’m completely defenseless). But we’re part of each other, right? (i could feel your heart inside of mine). I’ll always be here for you Lou (for when you’re lonely and forget who you are) even if for now we can’t physically be together. 

L-Home: I’ve tried, Harry. I’ve tried to play pretend (told myself i kind of like her but there was something missin in her eyes). But i was lost (i was stumblin, lookin in the dark with an empty heart) because none of it was enough, none of it was YOU (it was there i sawr it in your eyes). And then i met you and you felt the same and we’re both lost souls playing pretend who found magic in each other (but you say you feel the same, could we ever be enough?) Is our love enough to overcome everything? Maybe we can be enough. Maybe I can make this enough, let me try to make it enough for you. And if we go our separate ways, know that I’m here for you no matter what. I won’t let you be lost again. (When you’re lost I’ll find a way and I’ll be your light, you will never feel like you’re alone, I’ll make this feel like home). So go. wander. find yourself. Then when you’re ready, come home. 

 2016-2017

H- Sweet Creature: ***Harry admit that this was the first song he wrote for the album**** We aren’t in the best place rn. We’ve been fighting (had another talk about where it’s going wrong...it’s hard when we argue, we’re both stubborn). But it’s you Louis. It can’t be anyone else. (don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong... wherever I go, you bring me home). That’s not even a question. I’m still trying to figure out who I am, but the one thing I know is that a large part of who I am is you (we started 2 hearts in one home). And aint no way I’m losing that part of myself (when i run out of road, you bring me home). It was always you. 

H-MMITH: Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready (just let me know i’ll be at the door,  hoping you’ll come around). I know I need to work on myself a little more (i gotta get better, and maybe we’ll work it out) but honestly i’m getting impatient and i want things to go back to how they were and i want to be yours again (once you go without it, nothing else would do). But I can’t communicate this to you clearly so let me just put this in a song and hope you get it (we dont talk about it, it’s something we dont do) ****Harry mentioned in an interview that he expresses himself through songwriting when he can’t say the words directly to a person because it’s easier to just write it in a song than have difficult conversations*****

H-ESNY: ****honestly no idea what this song is about but it’s something to do with them fighting and not communicating and being in a weird place before their relationship is rekindled******* edit: this could be about his stepdad

H-FTDT: I MISS YOU AND I’M TOO FULL OF PRIDE TO TELL YOU DIRECTLY JUST COME BACK INTO LIFE LOU I’M LONELY AND SAD AND EMPTY AND IM NOT FUCKING FINDING MYSELF LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD (woke up alone, played with myself where were you...we havent spoke since you went away, why wont you ever say what you wanna say) So until then I sit and wait for your sorry ass to make the first move (maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too...but you never do). Also like i have to hear from other people how you are?? (i saw your friend that you know from work, he said that you feel just fine) ANd you’re sharing OUR clothes with people?? wtf just swallow your pride and call me 

L-Miss You: OKAY BUT I CANT JUST CALL YOU BECAUSE I HAVE PRIDE TOO also my mates are trying to make me get over you (now i’m asking my friends how to say I’m sorry, they say lad give it ttime there’s no need to worry, and we can’t even be on the phone now). So i’m just numbing your absence with partying and drinks but CLEARLY ITS NOT WORKING (should be laughing but there’s something wrong...shit maybe i miss you...when i feel it coming up i just throw it all away, get another few shots cuz it doesn’t matter anyway...such a good time, i’ll believe it this time). This is weird bc like you were my everything but im trying to get used to this and it fucking sux (oh how shit changes, we were in love, now we’re strangers). And tbh, its scary af bc what if this is it (i’m asking myself, is it over?). BUT ALSO LIKE WTF U COULD REACH OUT FIRST YA KNOW (i’ve been checking my phone all evening).

H-Anna: wtf Louis how do you not see how much this is killing me. I miss you so much and seeing you on tv or in pics drives me wild bc you’re not mine. (I don’t want your sympathy but you don’t know what you do to me...everytime I see your face there’s only so much I can take...I guess it would be nice if I can touch your body). And idk if you’re replacing me (don’t know where you’re laying, just know it’s not with me) and we’re in SUCH a weird place rn how do I tell u you’re the loml (don’t know what I’d say if I passed you on the street...don’t know what I’d tell you if you asked me for the truth) so I refuse to put this song on the album and let you know this and give you satisfaction from knowing how gone I still am for you bc I have 0 idea how you feel (hope you never see this and know that it’s for you)

L-Always You: SO THIS IS ME SWALLOWING MY PRIDE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU SAYING IM SORRY FOR THAT NIGHT... ok but fr i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u and nothing else compares like i can travel the whole world and all i think about is how much more fun it was with you and the memories we shared and i wish i could just say thx fr th mmrs and move on but actually no thx actually fuck you for making me not able to enjoy my life without you. So like...come home? and wrap your legs around me? also lmao i took El to a gay bar in amsterdam for her bday lmao i miss u come cuddle me and i’ll tell you all about it

L-We Made It: looks like we made it, look how far we’ve come my baby. They saidd I bett they’ll never make it, but just look at us holding onn, we’re still togetherr, still going stronggg. Also to the fans, miss our single bed and the nights we talked about our dreams :-* also Andrew my man luv u

2018-2019

L-KMM: our love was youthful and exhilarating and fucking electric and i think it still can be. dont know what i’d do without you now H 

L-DLIBYH: We’re strong babe and we’ve grown and we aren’t gonna let life drag us down. I’m doing better, you’re doing better, this is what we wanted. And now any shit we go through, we’ll go through TOGETHER 

L-Too Young: Okay but looking back, that was a lot of shit we went through and we were just babies and i’m sorry for not fighting harder (i cant believe i gave in to the pressure when they said a love like this would never last so i cut you off cuz i didnt know no better) baby i tried, i tried to protect you but like it was just so much and i hate that you got hurt and i wont ever let that happen again. ALso go us for being mature and COMMUNICATING (face to face at the kitchen table, we can finally have a conversation that I wish we could’ve had before). ANd i know you’re an arrogant son of a bitch who can���t admit when he’s sorry so here let ME say i’m sorry that i hurt you darling. Like we were too young to know we had everything BUT now we’re old(er) and can realize that when we’re together, we DO have everything now and omg is this our happily ever after and we can have a daughter and name her Darcy 

L-Habit: do i need to spell it out for you iiiiii aaaaaaaaammmmmmm sssssssoooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy. But tbh i let you go because it felt right because mentally you were already out the door and i needed to give you room to grow babe. And i needed the space too (you gave me the time and the space i was out of control and i’m sorry i let you down). but like also i’ve learned i can’t escape you Styles. You’re always in my fucking heart and my fucking mind and in every essence of my being and somehow I knew that 9 years ago and it took me this long to realize how powerful this really is (guess that that i know what i already knew, i was better with you and i miss you now). Ooooh also my favorite line i wrote (took some time cuz i ran out of energy of playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be and honestly i dont have to choose anymore) like who am i kidding, im done pretending i just wanna be yoursss now

L-Defenseless: I can’t help it okay theres something about you that doesn’t let me stay away. I need you and I know that rekindling this relationship isn’t going to be easy even though it feels so so right. It’s going to be hard work (sleeping on our problems but we’ll solved them in our dreams, wake up early morning and it’s still under the sheets) and we need to communicate and solve our problems but here I am, raw and unfiltered and emotionally naked in front of you ready to lay it all on the table (not sure how to say this right, got so much to lose. NEver been so defenseless). So like this branch I’m reach out to you and you be honest with me too babe (you dont have to keep on being strong for me and you. Acting like you feel no pain, you know i know you do...I can’t get inside, when you’re lost in your pride but you don’t have a thing to prove). Be open with me. Lets talk. Let’s solve problems. Lets have an adult relationship. I’m asking for a little vulnerabiltiy babe. It’s just me. Theres nothing to be scared of

L-Walls: And here you have me in my purest form. No lies, no secrets, no insecurities to hide behind. Losing you was fucking painful but i got through it. I’ve been through hell and back and I’ve fought. And without you, I grew into the person I am. And any further growing i’m doing is gonna be with you. bc it was all for you babe. and honestly i can take anything life throws at me now. I’m strong baby. I’m fucking strong and fucking brave and fucking resilient and...fucking yours. ***** wtf is the I just hope i see you one day and you’ll say to me oh oh********

H-Golden: You are the literal sun and I’m not ready. YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON (you were way too bright for me, i’m hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky). I’m scared to go through this alone, I need your comfort and your guidance (i can feel you take control of who i am and all i’ve ever known). But you’re scared to go through this with me bc you dont wanna get hurt and i’m too open so where tf does that leave us. ******this could be about coming out especially with the London AND NY secret shows where Harry added the lyric I’m hoping someday you’ll open*******

H-Adore You: You dont have to say you love me, you dont have to say nothing, you dont have to say you’re mine. I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore Lou. Like its the only thing I’ll ever do. read: Louis is a great person to just admire what he’s like. ALso I dont need anything back. I just dont want to hide my love for you anymore. I don’t need answers or promises. Just let me adore you. ********the music video is also basically a Louis appreciation post. He was the boy with the smile that the world took away from him. He found Harry lost and loved him and nurtured him and made him confident and allowed him to be who he wanted to be. But in doing so, Harry became big and unsatisfied and wanted to explore the world and was clearly interested in Hollywood and Rockstardom especially evident in his behavior 2014-2015. And Louis wasn’t about that life and didn’t want to hold him back. So he let him free. But they realized that they don’t work apart. Wherever they’re going, they’re going together, as the boy sails into the unknown following the fish. I see it as Harry’s version of “this one is a thank you for what you did for me” ************* I see it, I appreciate it, and I love you for it

H-Lights Up: ****fight with Louis. (What do you mean I’m sorry by the way) About coming out? About fame? (Step into the light, so bright sometimes) Either way, L is the guy driving the motorcycle in the video who makes H feel comfortable and safe until they get pulled over because SOMEONE wont let them love*******

H-Falling: What if i’m out, what if i’m someone you won’t talk about? Okay maybe I lied I do want you to claim me. Would me coming out of the closet make that hard for you? I CAN’T GO THROUGH AN IDENTITY CRISIS WITHOUT YOU LOU. I picked someone supportive and now I’m spoiled and I dont know how to be with myself. You want back in my life but what if I dont deserve it? (you said you cared and you missed me too...what i’m someone i dont want around). What if you’re better off without me? (i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again). I know youve been through so much shit because of me, things you’ve never even told me about and im afraid...that I wasn’t worth it. Am I being selfish? because either way, i want YOU (what if you’re someone i just want around). Does that make me a bad person? 

H-TBSL: ****Probably when they starting talking again but it was v casual and they didn’t really discuss their relationship yet*****. I MISS U BUT I WONT TELL U THAT and its nice to talk to u again i missed your voice but if u call me baby i will kill u bc that word has weight OKAY. Like i know you just call everyone babe and darling and sweetheart but baby is FOR ME and only for me when you wake up with me and cuddle me and if you think you have any right calling me baby without giving the luxury of being in a relationship with you then piss off because that shit hurts dude. (i know that you’re trying to be friends, know that you mean it...it’s hard for me to go home to be so lonely). ALso it’s not my fault i’m like this, you literally captured my heart when i was 16 like wtf do u expect (dont blame me for falling, i was just a little boy)

H-Sunflower Vol. 6: we were babies and i was so enamored by you and you’re so bright and beautiful and i want to watch you all day and make you smile and i want you to touch my hair and call me curly and i hope im not making you uncomfortable with my heart eyes but like how are you so perfect. I hope you think i’m cool, i’m really trying but like you’re SO FUNNY and charming and everyone loves you i hope im not embarassing myself. And now it’s like 8 years later and i think i can have you again and i want you so bad but i dont wanna seem too eager and im trying to have dignity and not text you first but like also i want nothing more than to talk to you. Do you think i’m cool now? did you like my new hairstyle? Do you think i’m funny on tour? I want everything i want to be domestic again and kiss in the kitchen and i want to cook for you and as;ldfa;sdhaf i want to buy you flowers everyday and shower ur cute face with kiss. boopx28 

H-Canyon Moon: Hell yea i got ma man back and i have a girlfriend named Jennifer ;) and we are domestic and even though I HATE being away from him for work (so hard to leave it) we have the 2 week rule yall then i can wrap my legs around him and after so so so long I’ll be h.o.m.e. Also did i tell you his eyes are so so blue like sky who i dont know her

H-TPWK: So we’re really doing this. We don’t need to have it all figured out. We can just be us. and happy. and dance. The world loves us babe. (Giving second chances, I don’t need all the answers and if we’re here long enough we’ll see it’s all for us and we’ll belong)

H-Fine Line: You’ve got my devotion but man I can hate you sometimes....We’ll be a fine line. Between what? love and hate? public and private? out and in the closet? each others’ and ourselves? Idk. But i’m going to swallow my pride (my hands at risk I fold) because no matter what, the worst possible outcome is not having you. And I never wanna go through that again. I know we have work to do on our relationship (spreading you open is the only way I know you). And there’s lot of unknown here (there’s things that we’ll never know) but what i do know is that i cant resist you (you sunshine you temptress) and i cant be without you ever again. I think it’ll be hard as hell. But when have we known love as anything but hard? And when have we known our love as anything but worth it? We’ll be a fine line baby. But i know, i knowww with every part of me that we’ll be alright. Because these past 10 years, we’ve been through A LOT. ANd it could have ruined us and made us cynical and cold and closed off. And I think at one point it did. But you know what we did? We fought it. We fought it together. Then we fought it individually. And we became BRAVE. And a brilliant man once said, “love is only for the brave”. 

[little-silly-bear]

Hello Cookie!! Can you explain autism symptoms for me?

Hi dear! Well it’s a very big argument and I want to talk about my experience that is different from others on the spectrum since every person is unique. I was diagnosed the last year and it was a shock since I’m 23 and I lived my whole life thinking “what is wrong with me? Why I just can’t get friends or having a conversation like the others?” Tumblr literally saved me, I saw a lot of post of regressors that are on the autism spectrum and I was like “Wait..that isn’t normal? I mean not everyone do that?”. So I did a loooot and I mean a looooot of researches on this argument, I tried to study more that I could and I found myself at home.

I can try to summarise the big symptoms for you (I’m not an expert I’m just a kiddo pls don’t be mean if I say or spell something wrong it’s also 5 am here) :

Sensory issues-it means that you have one or more senses very high, you’re sensitive to touch, smells, tastes, sounds or sights and they are more but I don’t remember those ahah! You can have all of them or a mix of them, usually they are more that one. You can’t stand having targets on your shirt, some kind of fabrics drives you crazy and you just really need that blanket to live a regular life and can’t understand why? Yeah me too. Most of the time they are bad, like some sounds literally makes me crazy, in high school I spent a terrible time because no one believed that I felt pain for certain sounds or lights. But I try my best to concentrate on what makes me happy like the fluffy blankets, not having socks, sleeping with a weight blanket, walking with my cancelling headphones and the taste of a cheesy pizza. You just need to listen to your brain if that light is too much please, when possible turning off, your health comes first! I tried to suppress this feelings my whole life to make other people “comfortable” aroun me but not anymore! If a room is too crowded and I literally hear every person talking, I usually feel very sick and need to recharge in another room. When I was a kid and my parents used to take me to the mall I literally fainted, they thought it was something that makes me unique but now we now it was my body reacting to overstimulation.

Having trouble socialising and in building relationships. This was the first criteria that convinced my therapist that I needed a test. As I told before I never get other people, they seemed like a different species to me and if I wanted a friend I needed to work really hard on acting and behaving like them. Obviously I failed every single time because I couldn’t resist more than few weeks? Also this was around elementary/middle school when in my head I needed friends like a task to do 😂 when I realised that I was way more happier by myself I didn’t try it again! But for me, like a lot of us is difficult because everything is built in a way that isn’t ours, every single conversation is based on a neurotypical way. The small talks, the chit chat, I never get this things, why we need to talk about the weather when we can talk about how cool is the Pokémon Go game? Do you know what I mean? I think you does. Also big tip try to talk with a person on the autism spectrum and see if you’re more comfortable and tuned with them, I had three friends irl ,we’re all on the spectrum and let me tell you that is so much easier talk and keeping a relationship when you both understand each other.

Special interests!! Omg! Pls don’t get me started I will never end this post 😂 they literally saved my life, I didn’t know they were special interest until my therapist told me but let me tell you that I have a lot of them!!! Special interests are one or more subjects that you have a deep, almost professional, passion about. They can be simple, scholastic or very complex topic. And you don’t need to be an encyclopaedia to prove that is your special interest, the same fact that you have something that you reaaaaaally love talking about and can’t stop learning more and more about it makes it valid. Let me tell you that at the age 10 I learned Japanese because I fell in love with Japan culture, I didn’t have internet I studied from books and old movies/animes. I never thought that was a special interest because for me it was just my way of loving something.

Stimming. This is something that our dear cousins with ADHD have in common with us. Most of the times someone in the autism spectrum have also adhd and viceversa but it isn’t always the case. Stimming is a natural process to express our emotions, it comes naturally and it’s like an electric feelings (for me) it’s something that you can’t stop and if you tried to suppress it will grow and make you feel worst (not like in a tic or ocd way more in a mental state). Everyone stim, people stimming to music is very acceptable and well viewed by the society but people like us need to stim to express our emotional state. I personally suppressed my stims for so many years because of bad teachers that im still trying to relearn most of them. It’s a common thing to having your diagnosis or starting to accept your autistic traits and then see your stims grow like never before! Most are gestures like flappy hands or jumping when you’re happy or if you ate a good food but they could be everything like chewing, singing, humming, bouncing legs, hair wrapping, scratching, eating nails, watching aesthetic photos, listening a song on repeat or clapping hands.

They’re more and more things to add in this list but I already did a long post and I got so excited for this question that I forgot to take my meds 😂 I tried to summarise with the points that my therapist told me were the most relevant for my diagnosis. Let me know if you need more advices, my dms are always open for you little beans that need help or tips from your big sibling! Have a good day and happy stimming to everyone 💕

[talas-starlight]

Scarred Spirits - zuko x fem!reader (pt.6)

SUMMARY: Y/n has been tailing Azula since Omashu and struggles to carry out her mission while protecting what matters most (AHAHAH THIS WAS THE WORST SUMMARY EVER IM SORRY)

WORD COUNT: 4k (uh wow this is my longest piece ever and i- AHAHA)

WARNINGS: panic attacks, fighting, swearing, angst? Tbh if you’ve made it this far in the series nothing new I think (lmk if I forgot anything)

KEY: *** = flashback && italic = internal dialogue

PREVIOUS PARTS: part 1  /   part 2   /  part 3  /  part 4  /  part 5

MASTERLIST: Here!

The cool breeze swept through the palanquin as Azula sat assuredly, ruling everything she passed. “Okay girls, Father has sent word that the machinery and our wonderful new pets will meet up with us soon to chase down the Avatar until he’s too exhausted to even think anymore! Then, we’ll be off to capture Zuzu and Uncle! Victory will be ours.”

“That sounds extremely boring.” Grumbling as if Mai had so much more better things to do with her time.

“Hmm, I have to disagree Mai. What would be more fun than making them feel like there’s no escape but having to fight which they would inevitably fail at trying to win because they’re tired beyond repair!! It will be such a sweet victory.” Letting out a small laugh that sounded nothing but maniacal to you, Mai didn’t say another word as Ty Lee giddily nodded in approval.

Now, that is a tragic sight to see despite how understandably so.

Azula, Ty Lee and Mai have been planning how to hunt down the additional target from the moment they all stepped out of Omashu. Yet, based on that recent encounter, it was more so Azula rather than anyone else. Luckily enough, you were able to stay out of sight the entire time, and nothing requiring you to intervene has occurred. It was only a matter of time before that lucky streak broke.

After much contemplation and sleepless nights since the third anniversary, along with recent events, Zuko finally came to a conclusion. Approaching his uncle with great certainty, he finally let out what has been on his mind.

“Uncle, I thought a lot about what you said.”

“You did? Good, good.”

“It’s helped me realise something.” Letting out a deep breath, getting to the point came quite easily to him, especially since Iroh’s back was still faced towards him.

“We no longer have anything to gain by travelling together. I need to find my own way.”

Not wanting to stay for any of Iroh’s possible rebuttals, he silently reached for his belongings that he had pre-packed for the occasion and turned to make his solo journey into the forest. As he began to walk further into the woods on his own, Iroh knew he wouldn’t turn back for him, so he did the first thing he could think of to aid his nephew if he couldn’t physically be there for him.

“Wait!” Rushing over Iroh grabbed the Ostrich Horse and gave him to Zuko- for someone who has barely been exposed to the real world, he knew his nephew couldn’t do entirely on his own. Even if the animal couldn’t properly speak with him.

Accepting his uncles’ gesture, he climbed on top ready to get on with his own mission of sorts. On his own, Zuko would finally have the chance to do something he never had time to consider until now; find you.

Looking out onto the horizon, the giant, ugly piece of machinery continued to charge its way towards a hopeless group of young teenagers. “Despite how much I hate that girl, I will admit, her determination is unparalleled.”

“Eerrnngggghhhhh!”

“You can say that again.”

It had been approximately three days since Azula received her new toy, and she spent every single minute catching up with the Avatar. To your relief, she seems to have finally caught sight of him, and hopefully, this would also mean that you might finally be able to stop tailing her. In the past three days, you haven’t managed to catch a single minute of sleep or a break, and while this was something you have experienced before, you were sure that your ride was more than ready to collapse at any second.

In all honesty, when a Fire Nation hawk landed near your campsite four days earlier, the last thing you expected was word that you would be receiving assistance for your mission. Not once before had this occurred since you’ve been entirely left to your own devices. You supposed it was because the stakes were too high this round.

***

Y/N.

I am pleased to hear that my daughter is able to catch sight of the Avatar and his assistants in crime against my great nation. While I am sure you are clearly focused on your task with ensuring Azula succeeds in bringing my disgraceful relatives back to the palace, you must extend your attention towards the new targets as well. Regarding my son and brother, I was disappointed when I heard word that they got away since I made it perfectly clear that you must finish the job. On this occasion, I will take the benefit of the doubt since it would be too suspicious if you completed the mission on Azula’s first attempt.

I have dispatched 3 mongoose lizards for Azula and her company. A fourth will be on its way for your use, as it is paramount that you do not let her fail whatsoever.

I have taken the precious and personal time out of my day to write and send this letter so that word does not reach my daughter of your mission. Let this also be a reminder of the possible bounty on your head if you choose to fail. I am sure the pitiful state of your body is enough of a reminder of what I can do to you.

Regardless of your past services to me, remember this is the ultimate test of your loyalty to your nation and me.

Your Fire Lord, Ozai.

Despite informing you that help that was on its way, you spent the rest of the night in a state of turmoil. Talk about having a way with words.

How in Spirits name did that stupid bird find me?! It flew away quickly too so I guess I don’t need to send anything back but… What am I really doing here?

Ozai seems to have some way of finding me so clearly, I can’t run away. Yet, I’m not going to allow him to take anyone back to the Capital…

Frozen in your thoughts, your focus stayed fixated on the fire you ignited earlier in the night.

Fuck I wish I could talk to her. She’d know the right thing to say, and everything would be okay again.

Roughly tugging at your braided hair, you held your legs to your chest desperately trying to clear your head. Stop, don’t think about her too.

Oblivious to any concept of time, when the first rays of yellow and orange peak over the horizon, your mind instantly enters a state of calm. Almost as if it were able to strengthen you from your core. Although while the problem remained, with a stronger mindset, you forced yourself to accept that you were just going to have to work it out further down the line. At this rate with Azula’s split focus, you weren’t even sure if you would have to take care of the Avatar or Zuko first.

***

Funnily enough, it seemed that fate decided you would have to deal with both at the same time since Zuko has caught sight of Azula and friends and now you were tailing both him and his sister. How convenient.

I wonder where Iroh is? Didn’t he get away with Zuko when they ran off the ship?

After keeping out of sight through every moment Azula came even remotely close to Aang, you decided to follow her when she separated from Mai and Ty Lee. But before you entered the area to keep an eye on everything from afar, you noticed Zuko on his Ostrich Horse as if he was waiting for the right moment to interfere.

“Be careful Zuko.”

Whipping around at a speed that could give him whiplash, his face instantly turned into nothing short of a scowl when he recognised your voice.

“You again?! Whoever you are, you need to get away from me. Leave. Me. Alone!”

Attempting and failing to take a step closer to him as he steers his horse a few steps back. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m just trying to protect you, that’s all I want to do. If I could have it my way, you’d be far away from this place; away from Azula. You can’t trust her. This isn’t right, and you should be somewhere that could give you a fresh start, like Ba Sing Se.”

“As if you would know anything about Azula or why I’m here! I need to regain my honour, and I’m doing the right thing! Stop trying to meddle with my life when your role in it is completely insignificant!”

An indignant sigh passes through your lips. “Fine. Just be careful. Please.”

Scowling at you once more Zuko tugs the reigns on his ostrich horse to take him further into the abandoned village. You try not to let his anger get to you, but at this point, you’re unsure if you’re more upset or annoyed with his attitude. Sighing under your mask, you do a quick check that all of your weapons are strapped in place since it seems that this interaction isn’t about to end peacefully.

“Let’s do this.”

Hopping off your new lizard friend, you stealthy broke through one of the broken windows of a nearby building, ensuring that you were staying out of sight.

Ah, it seems he wasn’t wasting any time.

“Back off Azula. He’s mine.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

As the three of them got into their fighting stances, you almost wanted to jump in right then and there to help Aang. The sight of his painfully dark under circles was too much of an indicator that this fight wasn’t going to be an easy one.

Making the first move, Azula strikes her blue fire towards Zuko. Luckily enough for him, he was able to deflect it with his own. Observing the fight take place before you, it eventually gravitates further away, leaving you to only listen to what is occurring from your hidden spot.

I wonder how long until I’ll have to step in. With both Zuko and Azula on the offence, it’s clear that one of them is going to get hurt. Something tells me it’s not going to be Azula either. If only he fought smarter rather than harder.

What. A. Pity.

Soon enough, your suspicions were confirmed when you heard Zuko let out an angered scream, followed by a loud crash. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t let out a small snicker at that.

As Aang comes back into view, you scan around for an exit knowing that if you stay where you are, you’ll get caught. Yet when you make your move to run, half of the roof is swiped off clean, causing him to plummet towards the ground. Abandoning any thought, you sprint back to where he’s about to land, quickly catching him.

Stunned that there was another person in a building, Aang frantically looked around, trying to identify who it was that caught him. Eventually, he noticed your eyes peering through some of the broken wooden ceiling around him, your black mask confirming that it was you. “Woah! What…? Oh spirits, it’s you!”

Eye’s widening at how fast he managed to work out that it was you, you desperately tried to dig yourself into the wreckage as you felt Azulas fire coming closer. “Shhh! She’s coming.”

“What? How do you know-?”

As Azula saunters into the building, her infamous smirk adorning her face. Wordlessly lighting up the room's perimeter in flames, Aang begins to struggle against the piece of wood on top of him, consequently crushing you further from under him.

Letting out a small grunt, you scold him under your breath, “stay calm.”

Your inner peace y/n.

Just as Azula raised her right hand to strike, you closed your eyes, imagining a moment you felt at peace. A moment that made you forget all of the chaos your created in the world.

***

Cold, smooth fingertips tenderly reached out towards you, instinctively making your lungs tightly squeeze together as she brushed the hair out of your eyes. The delicate giggle emitting from her pink stained lips was enough for you to lose all sense of constraint as you take a small step towards her. Hesitantly as you stare that the ground, you take her hand in yours, stroking the back of it with your thumb. The action is so small yet feels so loud in your chest because this is as close as its ever gotten.

Just when you’re about to pull it away completely, terrified that you’ve gone too far, her other hand reaches up, lifting your chin ever so softly as she makes you look at her.

“It’s funny y/n, because even though I’ve lived here my whole life, I’ve never seen snow look quite as beautiful as it does in your hair.”

***

When you reopen them, the heat of your fire runs its way through your veins and your fingertips. The fallen remains all around you burst away, freeing yourself and Aang from its constrains. Seeing your golden fire of pure energy light up the room, Azula is stunned into place, instantly recognising it from the day she visited your cell all those years ago. Glowing golden, eyes peering into the deepest parts of her, it's unnerving how the unusual feeling sinks into her bones. Yet, her moments of distraction leave her as Katara reaches the entryway whipping her arm with water.

Complete rage fills Azula’s body. Not only had she been wholly blindsided by your presence, but she also lost focus. And Azula never loses focus.

Whirling around, she strikes at Katara, sending her running out into the open. Needing to make up for her prior incompetence, Azula runs after her.

“Woah! How did you do that?! That was so cool.”

“There’s no time; you need to go out there and help your friends. Never underestimate that princess.”

Aang’s amazement towards how you freed both of you from the crushing weight of the ceiling faltered as he noticed your choice of words.

“Come with me. Please. I need you.”

Sensing the certainty of his decision, you brushed off some ash from your clothing, wordlessly making your way out of the building.

I’m going to regret this.

With Aang following closely behind, you both join Sokka and Katara, and they face Azula, ready to corner her. Yet she wasn’t giving up just yet. Sending her fire with precision, she takes turns in having a shot at each of you. Luckily enough, you were all able to hold your own.

Backing away slowly, you can tell she thinks that she’s almost about to get a proper hold of the entire situation. But to your greatest joy, she falls flat on her face.

“I thought you guys could use a little help.”

This must be Aangs new earth bending teacher.

“Thanks.” Did Katara just smile?!

Not wasting the opportunity that came with their small distraction, she makes a run for an ally as an escape. Although, once again, she is faced with another hurdle being Iroh, ultimately allowing all seven of you to finally corner her.

In true fashion, she doesn’t allow it to bother her one bit, “well, look at this. Enemies and traitors all working together.”

Taking in everyone one by one, she pauses when her eyes lock with yours. “Even you. Pathetic scum, it seems you still haven’t learnt your lesson. I always told father we should have disposed of you from the moment we caught you.” With that comment, you see Zuko glance towards you in your peripheral vision. This is nowhere near the time right now coal brain.

“I’m done.” Raising her arms in surrender, you almost want to laugh. Do these people seriously believe Azula right now?

“I know when I’m beaten. You got me. A princess surrenders with honour.” Standing before everyone, you instinctively fixate yourself on her, searching for a microexpression to indicate what she’s really about to do.  Her smug smile clearly shows that she’ll most likely attack. But who?

By the time she decides on her target, it’s too late. Sending a direct stream of fire towards Iroh, Zuko lets out a horrified scream, instinctively setting off everyone to attack with their element, or weapon in Sokkas case. You on the other hand, rushed to Iroh’s side knowing that the others were more than capable on their own.

As he lays passed out on the ground, panic slowly swarms in your chest. Fuck, another person is dying because of me! I literally saw her focus on him!

Placing your hands on his chest, you let out a deep breath trying to remember a trick you learned on a mission a while back when you got a deep cut to your side. Focusing on him and his faint heartbeat, despite being a bit shaky, you were able to use your fire, providing him with enough energy to bring his breathing to a steady rate. But the moment was short-lived when you heard an explosion go off, giving Zuko the opportunity to get to his uncle's side, and in turn, shove you away from him.

“Get off him! You’re always in the way! Arghhhh!”

Haistly scrambling to your feet, you stand beside Sokka, understanding that it’s best you try not to help him right now. Katara, on the other hand, didn’t seem to share those feelings with you.

“Zuko, I can help.”

“LEAVE!” as he strikes towards you and everyone else, you stumbled backwards. Memories of a similar flame being struck towards you by his father felt like something inside you snapped. While not directly hitting you, the heat radiating down upon you caused your head to spin, and vision to blur.

It seemed that despite training with fire for the past three years, the action coming from him sent you down a spiral incomparable to anything else.

i-I can’t... I’m…

The earth bender girl immediately sensing what was happening to you didn’t hesitate, “Sokka! Grab her! Quickly, we need to go to Appa.”

“What?! Why me!”

“Shut up!! Her heart rate is literally through the roof right now. We need to help her! Can’t you see her shaking right in front of you?!”

Finally taking a good look at your trembling form, Sokka was too stunned to move.

Aang immediately agreeing with Toph, nudges him before setting off in the direction of Appa. “Sokka, NOW!”

Snapping out of his panicked, frozen state, he rushes towards you, scooping you up into his arms.

“Oh Spirits, I am so so sorry if I’m invading your personal space right now. Please, I’m so sorry. It’ll only be until we reach Appa, okay? I’m so…”

Fisting the cloth of his shirt, you shake your head. “It’s o-okay.” Pushing your face into his chest, you try to regulate your breathing in time with his heartbeat. Something was so unexplainably comfortable about having someone hold you that all of the memories of Ozai burning you, began to make its way back into the depths of your mind. So comforting, that at some point between the village and Appa, you passed out.

When you awoke again, you were high up in the clouds with the sun high in the air. How long was I out?

Deciding to sit upright, the first thing you see is the Water Tribe siblings and the earth kingdom girl facing you.

At first, you thought Toph was about to speak up, yet it seemed that Katara’s suspicions of you beat her to the punch. “Don’t think of moving too fast or trying anything! You're cornered now.”

Your eyebrows raised at that. “Alright, then. How would you like me?”

Upon, hearing your voice Aang physically perked up, completely beaming that you were awake. Without a second thought, he trusted that Appa would be able to fly for a bit on his own, making his way to all of you.

“I’m so glad that you’re okay! I was really worried about you.” Taking his place next to Katara, you were shocked at the stark contrast between his attitude towards you, and hers. It’s like he genuinely cares. Well… I guess that makes sense considering he’s an Air Nomad. Oh spirits, does this mean he’s going to pay even more attention to me than when we first met?!

“Uh… thanks. I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to.”

“No, of course I did! Plus, I’m grateful that you helped me out with Azula! It’s the least we could do. Right guys?” Still having his glowing smile, he turns to his friends, and it seemed that the only one who truly looked indifferent with the entire matter was the earth kingdom girl who just nodded.

“Thanks, Toph!” Finally, a name.

Once again, Katara was displeased, “yeah whatever. If she’s going to stay with us, she’s going to have to tell us who she is. Don’t think we didn’t hear what Azula said back there about you. You need to explain what she meant by that. How does she know you, and what do you have to do with the Fire Lord?!”

At those questions, you weren’t too happy either, “I don’t want to stay with you! I just need to leave and find Azula again.”

For the first time since you woke up, Sokka decided to say something. “Why would you ever want to do that?! Why do you keep wanting to go back to her when you keep getting separated?! If you ask me it’s clearly a sign that you should stay away because she’s completely insane! She even knows you followed her and everything, so she’s going to have her guard up.”

“You don’t understand. If I don’t get back to Azula, people are going to get hurt. I’ve literally saved your lives on two occasions just by tailing her. Now, think about all of the people she can harm when no one’s watching. I’m also a threat to all of your destinies by being here.”

Uncomfortable with the tension that’s been building at an alarming rate, Aang moves so that he’s sitting in between you and the other three. “Okay, I understand, but could you please explain why you’re a threat by being here? You need to stay safe too, your life matters just as much as everyone else’s and even though you’ve proven yourself more than capable of protecting yourself, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll be safe if you go to her and I can't let you go knowing your life is at risk.”

“Aang, there are always risks. Spirits, all four of you are at risk, but you know that it's for the greater good to end this war.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not the same. We have each other; we look after each other. You don’t have that. Please. You don’t have to tell us everything now. I understand since we’ve only met once before, but I promise no matter what it will all be okay and you can be apart of our team. Our family.”

On that note, you hesitated. A family?

No. The spirits have made it clear enough that a family is not in my cards.

“That sounds great, but I don’t think it’ll work out.”

Sokka lets out a frustrated groan, “What? Of course, it will! I know I’m not your biggest fan, but it's clear you’re just as against the Fire Nation as the rest of us!”

Looking around at all of their faces, you can tell that even though Sokka and mainly Katara, still clearly have their reservations about you, they understand where Aang is coming from. Heck, if it meant that they had another person on their side and against Azula and the Fire Nation, that was already a win. You almost felt guilty when you saw their horrified faces as you revealed the truth.

“It won’t work because I’m the Fire Lords personal assassin.”

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a/n: hehe hiya friends!! Thanks for reading hehe I hope you enjoyed!! Lelel lmk your thoughts or any predictions for what you think is guna happen next hehe

alsoooo did anyone spot my lil inserts for our second lead? AHAHAHAHAHA

don’t fear either!! Zuko will learn eventually hehehe

but anyway i would love to hear from all of you if you have any feedback as well :))