#IMAGINE THE PRESSURE THAT SHE PUT ON HERSELF WHEN SHE WENT TO GO SAVE HIS BROTHER!!!! LIKE!! SHE CANT LET THEM DOWN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

[gummiix]

The need is so bad that I can’t go one moment of mind wandering without thinking of that One Lesbian Weed Scene from The Last of Us pt II. Iykyk…. (suffering)

[beiasluv]

hi im in love with ur writing

anyway

my bby boy neteyam and aonung need to be happy because that last fic destroyed me, what would happen if reader survived and the sully family just cling to her for days same with aonung

a/n: glad to hear that people are suffering (just joking 😳, writing that took a part of my soul as well) anyways, fluff to the rescue 🤍 / this would be a continuation of part 1 but just imagine and do your own editing that you survived

masterlist

enjoy! :)

surprise, the sullys were doubting if they would be able to save you in time. neteyam sprinting to the village on his ilu and holding on to your body as fast as he could

while his family are fighting against the demon-blooded na’vi, he couldn’t muster up a will to go one glimpse away from you. your boy was holding on to his dear lifee

ronal, the tsahik, sighed once more of the sight before her. another sully for her to save; but she waited no second, and dove right into it.

“boy, put pressure on her chest …now!” neteyam got into work as his shakiness submerged to his hand. as if everything was a blur, ronal finished her ceremony on your body and stitched up your open, now opened chest. the herbs and the smoke lingered in the air after ronal went out, but her spirit never left the marui. the tsahik, herself, cared greatly for whom her son adored.

your boi, neteyam is panicking to the panicking. he washed a cold cloth over your face every minute and every second he sees a sweat running down your face. big brother mode to the max. swatting every flies that dared to touch you.

he would tell stories, make jokes, and laughing by himself to preserve his sanity. admiring your face, something he wouldn’t do while you are awake. unexpected sobs and tears, here and there. he waited for you until the end.

jake and neytiri came rushing through when they’ve finished. jake holding on to your body as tight as he could. pressing his hand against your chest, making sure there is still a heartbeat in you.

neytiri’s eye fluctuated between anger, sadness, and love. she couldn’t decide whether what to feel in the heat of the moment. her daughter, the daughter of the clan, the awaited daughter, was sleeping mindlessly on the mattress. she didn’t know what to feel. neytiri often broke down quietly in front of your marui and the sullys would comfort her.

our boi, lo’ak, peaked at your marui every. day. he would be too shy to go in alone and express his feelings towards you. when he doesn’t even know if you are aware or still coming back, he would break tf down. 😭

kiri and tuk, the girlss. taking care of you everyday, slayed. they would do your hair and singing lullaby. kiri would occasionally sobs but she had to stay strong for tuk. tuk would cry and lay on your stomach, maybe sometimes curling under your arms ;-;

SPIDER 👁👁 nah, he ain’t surviving. in the heat of the conversation, he did not choose a wise choice of words. now, he’s regretting his life choices. neteyam giving him disgusting looks everyday. lo’ak almost gifted him with a chance to go see ewya.

he still thinks you should’ve been left for good. quaritch made it clear to him blah, blah, blah. “if only one dies for jake sully, then we’re done.” no, we are not having any of your shi

ao’nung sad boyy. a certified lover boy, caring for your condition, as he should. always always ask his mom how are you and if she could help you again. tsireya started getting sick of him, slay

“mother, are you sure that’s all you could do?” he marched swiftly after her. “there must be something you could discover.”

“no means no, ao’nung, it is up to the great mother,” she replied swatting his arm. “you worry for no good, she is strong, i can feel that her spirit is mighty.”

“a sick lover boy, i see,” tsireya giggled. “don’t worry, she’s going to make it.”

ao’nung bringing snacks and flowers to your marui everyday as. he. should. i mean, placing them nicely by your bedside, and throwing them at neteyam. almost cost them a fight but for the sake of you, they agreed to seize the war.

he will definitely kill anyone who mocks you and your condition 100%

until the moment they have waited for arrived, you twitched.

neteyam almost got a heart attack. he was as excited as a mom to a baby’s first kick.

“y/n! y/n! thank the great mother! yes! my baby sister! I knew it!” he jumped around the marui like a maniac, earning looks from the villagers around him. the news traveled far and fast; moments later the sullys and ronal’s family were filling the marui.

“y/n, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand two times,” jake spoke softly. “one…c’mon babygirl…one more…two! yes!” the whole marui celebrated as if you were running and flying, but that’s what family is for, right?

everyday you healed more and more. your first walk out of the marui was like a flashback to your first walk. jake holding your arm, neytiri holding your other arm, and lo’ak holding your waist.

“guys, i can walk” “we know.”

lo’ak feeding you foods, 10/10

jake will spoil you, amen. his baby girl wants, she will get. you don’t even have to move an inch to get something you want.

kiri and tuk are not as protective, which you appreciated a lot, but they are always supportive. kiri will encourage you to take a dip in the ocean, playing in the forest, or doing the things you love to do.

hugs and kisses every moment they could. aaaaaa

family cuddling time. jake will hold you in his embrace and snuggled you close to him. neytiri holding you two. the rest snuggled in and you guys are basically a family ball.

the family overall is clinging on to you to make sure you’re okay. as they said, sullys sticks together, am i right.

ao’nunggggg

they day you woke up he was so happy, running down the village to your marui. got him blushing and shi when you met his eyes in the corner.

tsireya is so relieved when she heard you woke up, she thought have to comfort her broken brother while being broken herself.

ao’nung just clings to you wherever you go. he will get anyone out of your way if it is necessary.

he just loves to bring you out to the ocean and spend time with you, awh. practice breathing underwater and chasing underwater is a must.

once he realized he almost lose his chance. one day, he managed to muster up a courage to ask you OUT.

“y/n, you wanna see baby ilus today?” he guided you through the village. “today is their first day coming out.”

“sure, are you luring me to somewhere private?” “are you doing to kill me?”

“of course not,” he tucked a hair behind your ear.

…

“y/n, i gotta tell you something,” he gazed into your eyes. “i- i…”

“yes?”

“i see you, but i don’t know if you see too,” he sighed. “I know, i have been a bad friend to your brothers but i am trying so hard for you. and you sleeping unconscious for weeks had me dying-“ you placed a peck on his soft blue lips and held his hand.

“i know, thank you,” you giggled at his red cheeks. “thought you were cold blooded but your face is so red now.”

“hey! it’s just so hot here!” “i guess this calls for a slash in the ocean,” without a second word, he pulled you into the ocean and called his ilu. you guys rode it into the reefs and entered a hiding leaf.

“i see you, y/n”

“i see you, too”

lost of love ❤️ happy new year and have a great time! today’s a great day to take care of yourself 🤍

@rosaryos / @bumblinbumblvee / @loudcolorwolfgarden / @nyotamalfoy / @fangirl-2610 / @astablacksword / @lokisblueskin

[sroop]

guided (i)

"This is my puck, so either we both go together, or you stay behind." It's her way of saying: kriff off.

Author's Note: always wondered about the Mandalorian with an apprentice and wanted to write a bit about what I think Din would try to be as a mentor. This is definitely not the most canon accurate and Grogu isn't mentioned

Summary: Bounty hunting is precarious, even more so when it becomes personal. Din is determined not to let his apprentice learn that the hard way.

next

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Reyza is a good listener. Which was inconvenient because Din was a good listener too, and that meant it was mostly just silence between the two of them.

Normally, Din enjoys the quiet. He's used to nothing but the hum of the engines, the rattling of the carbonite system, or the firm whoosh of atmosphere thrumming against the ship. Even the more talkative quarries he brings on board are quickly silenced. So it's not the quiet that unnerves him, just the fact that it's silent when someone living and breathing and certainly not encased in carbonite is within arm's reach.

Plus, Reyza's silence today seems... cool. Din has been privy to companionable silences before, even from Reyza, herself. Today, she's faraway somewhere, and he's not so sure if it was just as simple as an off day for her. He tips his helmet towards her, watching.

"We don't have to go."

"We do. We should."

Din frowns beneath his armor and glances at the navigation system. Only a few hours before they reach Corellia. From what he's gathered about Reyza, she was either born on Corellia, or spent some harrowing years on it. He's not entirely sure if she was anywhere near their destination, Coronet City, or if she had even seen it before; but he was willing to put down a hard bet that she had, judging from the begrudging determination in her voice. He sighs too quietly for the modulator to pick up.

"Run interference from the ship."

That has her snapping to attention, all the distance and distraction of the last few days crashing in the face of the present. Din can't see her face, but he can imagine she's livid.

"What?" she growls.

"Run interference from the ship. Nonnegotiable."

There's a cold pause as Reyza races to find the right words for the Mandalorian. He was treating her like she was a child, as though she hadn't saved his life on multiple occasions or survived on her own as a full-fledged assassin long before he had ever made himself known to her. And the word nonnegotiable ate at her ego and insecurities in a way she was reluctant to admit, even internally. She could take care of herself. She could take care of this bounty, even alone. Reyza ground her jaw.

"This is my puck, so either we both go together, or you stay behind." It's her way of saying: kriff off.

"I'm not staying behind, you don't have the firepower. I'm not taking you with me until you're honest about what's bothering you about this bounty. It's dangerous to be distracted," Din replies. His voice is level and Reyza resents his composure.

But he's right. She's not childish enough to deny that, and certainly not naive enough to believe that she was above the dangers of human emotion under pressure. She glances at him guiltily, feeling a little juvenile.

Maybe it was a good idea to stay on the ship and let Din handle this one himself. She wasn't exactly rearing to see the city again, or the people in it. But she also hated the idea of standing by on a mission so personal to her. Reyza was left a simple choice: confess, or stand by.

The words feel slow and heavy in her chest, crawling their way up her throat and complaining about it the whole way up. It was like vomiting, but worse.

"I wasn't born on Corellia, I know that's what Karga's file on me says. I was born somewhere else, don't know where, and I was abducted to Corellia when I was really small." She huffs through her nose and shrugs. "I was there until I escaped, and that's all. I went to Nevarro, started working for Karga-" she shrugs again, "- and you know what happens next."

Din mulls over the brief story. It contained the absolute minimum amount of information she could have given, but he knew what it was to want to forget.

"Coronet City?" he asks.

"Yeah."

He recalls briefly why he had taken Reyza on as his apprentice in the first place. It wasn't just Karga complaining that the Nevarro guild would have no reliable hunters once he decided to retire. It was the starburst sigil she wore on a silver chain around her neck.

He'd recognized it immediately as the mark of Polaris. In their heyday, before the Empire, they'd been a deadly force of assassins and spies. A network spanning galaxies, infiltrating and plucking fate strings so expertly that it was unclear where their influence started or ended. But somewhere along the way, their name faded and the work of their assassins dwindled and they became more myth than reality. Almost like the Mandalorians.

Except Din was willing to assume that the Mandalorians valued their foundlings and assets a little more dearly than whatever or whoever it was Reyza went through.

"Polaris?" he asked, a pitch quieter.

"Yeah," she answers, a beat slower.

Reyza's knees go to her face and she spends the rest of the flight curled to her right, away from Din and his pesky questions and unfortunate truths. Reyza wonders what this means. Was her answer acceptable enough for him to deem her not a threat to their mission? Was he waiting for more? Was she still stuck a passenger on her own bounty hunt? Leftover irritation scratches at the back of her neck and she bristles again. Stupid Mandalorian and his stupid, self-righteous moral high ground. She turns to glare at him.

"It's my puck," she declares again, though she's not quite sure to what end.

Din chuckles under his helmet. Gods, for someone more competent than most, she could be such a child.

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Thanks for reading, and I'd love to hear feedback!

[theamityelf]

So a friend and I started with a small premise that I hadn't seen covered in any fanfics, and it quickly exploded into this big AU. And I just feel the need to share it. The premise was "What if Ryota didn't escape and get Chisa's help after Nagito got shot". And it ended up becoming a Civil War AU.

See it starts with the premise of Junko subjecting Chiaki to the brainwashing procedure, who then in turn helps put Nagito through it (the memory of her restraining his wounded body haunts them both after rehabilitation). And they along with Mikan go back to Class 77 to make sure everyone thinks things are okay, while Junko reconditions Ryota.

Except...there's a snag. Peko's injuries from her fight with Mukuro, combined with Nagito seemingly no longer being concerned with the Ultimate Soldier, makes Peko and Fuyuhiko think "Something screwy is going on here". And it leads to a schism when Chiaki tries swaying the class to go along with her (into a trap).

On one side are Fyuyhiko, Peko, and Chisa, who are joined by the suspicious Imposter, Hiyoko, and Gundham. Who also manage to sway Ibuki and (just barely Kazuichi). Meanwhile Chiaki manages to win over Sonia, Nekomaru, Akane, and Teruteru through their faith in her. And with a bit of pressure from Mikan they convince Mahiru to go along with them. Exploiting the suspicion that Fuyuhiko was responsible for Sato's murder.

So the AU is heading towards a Tragedy with half of Class 77 brainwashed, and the others trying to capture and save them. With a lot more high emotions this time, especially in regards to Imposter with Ryota and Mikan, as well as the four Twilight Syndrome girls (Hiyoko and Mahiru most of all)...But then we went even more off the rails with the idea that Chiaki thinks to herself "Wouldn't it be so despairing if after all of this, the mastermind was killed by their own thralls before she got to see the fruits of her work?"

Which leads to Chiaki conspiring a coup de tat of Ultimate Despair, and convincing Izuru to side with her. Making incapacitating Mukuro and killing Junko trivial. With Chiaki deciding that actually it'd be far more fun to make Junko's class like the rest of them than go through all that Killing Game silliness. Leading to them going after members of Class 78 to make into more Ultimate Despairs.

Mukuro manages to escape and forms a VERY uneasy alliance with Team Chisa. Peko and Fuyuhiko making it clear that they consider her responsible for what's happened to their classmates, and that they won't hesitate to slaughter her if she gives them one reason.

In the end on Team Chiaki's side we have Chiaki herself, Nagito, Mikan, Ryota, Sonia, Mahiru, Nekomaru, Akane, and Teruteru from Class 77. And Makoto, Kyoko, Sakura, Aoi, Taka, Chihiro, Leon, and Toko joining them from Class 78. Meanwhile on Team Chisa we have Chisa herself, Fuyuhiko, Peko, Imposter, Hiyoko, Gundham, Ibuki, and Kazuichi. And Mukuro, Byakuya, Sayaka, Mondo, Celeste, Hifumi, and Yasuhiro joining them from Class 78. With Syo as Team Chisa's double agent within Team Chiaki. With Izuru kind of low-key supporting the Despairs if he feels in the mood for it.

Just imagine all the character interactions that could go on. Fuyuhiko having to deal with the ramifications of his murdering Sato outside of the Neo World Program. Imposter working alongside the real Byakuya. A whole lot of angst about people close to them being on the opposing side (Imposter vs Ryota and Mikan, Hiyoko vs Mahiru, Gundham vs Sonia, Mukuro and Sayaka vs Makoto, Mondo vs Taka and Chihiro).

And the shipping! Plenty of Ikuzono potential here, with Sayaka being Mukuro's biggest advocate after everyone else feels betrayed by her. Aoi and Sakura being Despair girlfriends. A very twisted dysfunctional Komanami where Chiaki hurts Nagito and he sometimes hurts her back. Which leads to a whole lot of angst after deprogramming, with both struggling to look each other in the eye. And also...Despair Makoto x Servant/Despair Komaegi!

Is this the same person who started the Vampire Chiaki AU? Because if so, I think I'm getting a sense of your narrative tastes, lol! I love how intricate this is.

The first thing that jumped out to me here was the idea of Despair Mahiru and Non-Despair Hiyoko, mainly because I'm so curious as to whether their friendship could survive that.

Like, if the dust settles and Mahiru eventually isn't despair anymore, Hiyoko's trust was still violated by someone she really cared about, and that's a pretty big deal for her.

Also, Toxic Despair Komanami sounds like it could be very fun. They both like to play games, after all! They would be ruinous. I think I prefer shipping both of them with Non-Despair Makoto than Despair Makoto, but that's because I like to whump the luckster, lol.

[howdyfriend]

Celeste LORE?? PREHAPS?? ANYA ?? A N DY ?? FUVKINB- EXPLODES

i am free from the road once more so i will answer ur ask now :)

Im going to talk about Anya and Celeste’s world itself first though so i can get into more character specific stuff.

Since they are super cool supervillains, they gotta have powers right? In this world, magic mostly genetic. There are alternative magics, think like potions and shit, but its weaker and more finicky. The most worthwhile magic is passed down from parent to child. It works like regular genetics, some powers are more dominant than others, generations can be skipped, etc. Anya got her powers from some distant aunt, and most of her close family does not have magic, save her cousin. Celeste’s family have had very strong, dominant magic, so she and her siblings all have their fathers magic. Magic is influenced by where and how your ancestors lived, Anya’s ancestors lived near water, so she has water magic. Celeste’s ancestors were the ones who would keep night watch, and as such has darkness and shadowy related powers. Not everyone has powers, and over time the number and diversity of people who can use magic has gone down.

Anyways Character Time Yay

Celeste grew up super rich. Like uber mega crazy rich. Not Jeff bezos kinda rich but really fucking rich. Eldest of four children, she grew up expected to bear the family name, business, and riches when her father dies. As such, a lot of pressure was put on to her. Everything was chosen for her. Every extracurricular, every class, even her outfits were planned ahead. She was allowed no individuality. She was the heir, designed to be a carbon copy of her father.

You could imagine how terrified she was when she realized she was trans.

She knew she couldn’t come out. While she didn’t like how she lived, it was better than the streets. So, for years, she sat on this revelation, growing more and more uncomfortable and angry at everything. She would reach out for support and be dismissed, restrictions for her behaviour were getting tighter, and the dysphoria was becoming overwhelming. That is until she saw the perfect chance to end all of this.

Her father had just wrote his will. One day, she went into his office to ask a question and saw it lying out on his desk. He had named her both sole heir and power of attorney to his estate, and knew that this was her chance to get out of all of this. Despite her increasing restrictions on her movement, she was able to secure enough cash from around the house to hire a hitman. No paper trail was left behind. Everyone in that house died that day, and she inherited huge money.

Anya grew up in a standard, suburban home. White picket fences, oak trees with tire swings, garages with suvs and minivans. Her childhood was ordinary at best. Despite a lack of expertise in the area, her parents managed her magic well and her abilities developed nicely. It wasn’t until middle school until things went wrong. She had been pestered by a small pack of bullies for a while, but had recently started escalating their behaviour. So she fought back. Small things at first, directing tap water back at their faces, causing clouds to pour rain down onto them, innocuous things like that. Over the course of middle school and high school she was starting to get fed up with the increasingly agressive attacks from her bullies, when it all came to a head on the night of her graduation when they tried to drop the stage lights onto her. She was a theatre kid though, and was able to get out of the way fast enough to not get crushed. In a fit of rage for ruining her moment in the spotlight (which they just tried to kill her with) she lost control over her powers, sucking every ounce of water out of their bodies. Feeling the adrenaline rush, she let herself go completely, savouring the power she felt. Eventually though, she stopped, and realizing the damage she caused, ran away.

She wasnt going to let up on that feeling of power though. Not a chance. After honing her newfound power on the local wildlife, she packed her bags and started life anew in a different country, becoming a hit man. One night she was approached by a young man seeking to inherit his fathers wealth. He knew he would be caught if he was the killer, so saught out her instead. He asked to frame it as a home invasion, as not only would he pay her in cash but in whatever valueables she wanted from his home. She took the deal, and got to work. After everything was said and done, they parted ways, Anya using her extra wealth to fund a far more lavish lifestyle. This lifestyle lead her to a house party, where she would meet an awfully familiar face.

Anyways they get together and decide “fuck it lets just cause problems on purpose” and become supervillains the end.

and for andy i have something planned for him ;) its fun dont worry :)

[lover-of-mine]

Hi again! My ✨️controversial✨️TV love triangle is from Stranger Things. I don't know how much you know about ST (if at all) but there's a "love triangle" between Eleven, Mike & Will. There's a fandom war between Milevens (the canon ship) and Bylers (the fanon/maybe one day possible ship) and I hate it. Because my favorite ST character is Mike and both fandoms treat him like shit and only "tolerate" him because he's the other half of their favorite ship. You can always talk shit about Mike but don't you dare talk shit about Will or Eleven. Honestly? I think both ships are toxic in their own way, they're also teenagers and have their whole lives ahead of them so why should I be rooting for 14-year-olds to have a forever partner? That just feels wrong, if I married the people I dated when I was a teenager then my life would be miserable right now. Sorry for the rant, but hey you asked lol 🤷🏻‍♀️. (No, really. I'm sorry. Oops)

As for The Hunger Games, I'm not really the biggest fan of the series. I think I just expected too much from it because of the hype and just never really saw it for myself. And I don't hate Annabeth, I just never really vibed with her and I loved Percy so I always thought he could do better (and once again, teenagers). As for HP? Eh, I gave up on that one a long time ago. Same thing with Red Queen. Glad we agreed on Twilight tho.

Once again, ✨️controversial✨️

- Bad Love Triangles Anon

OH MY GOD I WILL GO TO WAR DEFENDING MIKE WHEELER THAT KID IS MY SON AND I WILL RUN YOU OVER IF YOU'RE MEAN TO HIM. Personally, I swing toward mileven more than I swing toward bylers, for no real reason, mostly today is that I don't think Will would do that to Eleven, but again they are 14, I'm with you on that point. But it INFURIATES me the way that people seem to forget that Mike is 14. He was 12 in season 1. He was 12 being put in a leadership position because he found another 12 yo, bonded with her, because it's just who he is, while looking for his best friend, SAW HIS BEST FRIENDS BODY, WENT TO HIS FUCKING FUNERAL, HE JUMPED OF A CLIFF AT AGE TWELVE, then was chased by the government, and watched the girl he bonded with "kill" herself saving him. He thought Will was dead, he thought El was dead for a YEAR. The amount of trauma that kid had just from s1 was insane, and then he watched Will get possessed, he was the one with Will, he watched everything Will went through, and sure Will is the one going through it, but they established Mike as a protector and then made the kid continuously"fail" to protect both Will and Eleven, because he's fucking 14 and dealing with a literal evil spirit chasing his girlfriend and his best friend. People act like the way he treats El in s3 is "controlling" as if he didn't watch her disappear in a cloud of dust after overusing her powers, and look, she lost the fucking powers so wasn't wrong to be worried. He's 14. Will goes missing, Will "dies", El "dies", Will gets possessed, El almost dies, El loses her powers, HIS GIRLFRIEND AND HIS BEST FRIEND move to a different state, his girlfriend gets kidnapped, he's repeatedly shot at, all while putting the pressure on himself to be the one with the answers, to be the leader, be the fucking paladin. HE'S FUCKING FOURTEEN. HE IS A CHILD. Moving around a shit load of trauma, that he can't talk about, is actively lying about, and no one will understand, and it's minimized because he was never on the upside down or doesn't have powers, as if just being near all this crazy, watching all that with his own eyes, wouldn't affect him. And people act all "how dare evil Mike be evil" when the boy is trying to cope with having the craziest life imaginable. The way people don't allow him AN INCH of slack makes me violent. And this got heated, sorry lol but I'm 100% with you, people hate Mike and take things way too seriously when we are talking about relationships between 14 year olds.

I understand the not liking hunger games all that much, don't relate, but yeah. HP, honestly, I mostly don't think about it anymore, but I was really obsessed as a child, something the thoughts come back akpaakpaka but twilight is a nice common ground lol

[ascalonianlightbringer]

I followed up the culmination of Gwen's Orders of Tyria arc (Order of Whispers, baby!) with the next phase of the story, the beginning of the best Order of Whispers arc.

So this was all about Gwen meeting Destiny's Edge, Logan's old guild who failed against an Elder Dragon when, iirc, Logan left at a particularly pivotal moment to save Queen Jennah. While this is a kind of boring motivation, given how Extra every other member of Destiny's Edge is, I may be alone in sympathizing with him? Also, if I'm remembering the backstory right, the domino effect of Jennah's survival at that moment was a pretty big deal.

But onto the story. Gwen began by—HEY, OLD LION'S ARCH!!!

Okay, I know it's now accessible outside of old story instances, but I haven't gotten the achievement for that, and I always forget that we get a great view of it in this scene.

<3333

Okay, back to the story for real. Gwen went over to talk to Logan, who was suspicious and telling her to stay close. Gwen responded that she doubted Caithe was plotting an ambush (fair enough; I wouldn't put it beyond Caithe after playing the level 10 sylvari story, but it didn't suit her goals in this case). I do find it pretty funny to imagine Logan keeping Gwen (who is maybe 5'5") close as like ... an emotional support spy?

It turned out that Caithe had sent her message to all the former members of Destiny's Edge, and Logan was pissed about the inclusion of one member in particular: Rytlock, the Charr member.

In one sense, this isn't surprising. But I don't actually remember why Logan is mad at Rytlock specifically. I know they were good friends and that factors into Rytlock's anger at Logan, I get why everyone feels Logan abandoned them and got a friend killed, I get why Logan feels none of them understand what went into his choice or fully grasps the consequences. But he does seem very specifically angry at Rytlock. He tells Caithe he wouldn't have come if he'd known "this Charr" was going to be there, which has always made me wonder if at some level, part of his anger is cultural as well as personal. More on that in a bit.

Rytlock was angry as well, but in a more controlled and contemptuous way—Logan definitely seemed the more hotheaded of the two. Still, Rytlock definitely upped the ante by saying he should just gut Logan (...). It's hard not to think of the Charr NPC who goes on about how all Charr cubs are taught to skin every human they meet. That's horrifying, but in a Charr context, Rytlock talking about gutting Logan while not actually harming him would probably seem pretty cool and collected.

Logan's response was not only furious but one of his more iconic moments, if you ask me:

[Logan: Gut me? With what? That human-made sword you looted from Ascalon? I've had enough! We're done here.]

I can't screencap how Logan's VA says this, but I think the delivery definitely stresses "looted from Ascalon" and sounds genuinely outraged about it.

I do think Logan is defensive here, but it's intriguing that it's his kneejerk response under pressure, and presumably how he really feels about Rytlock taking Sohothin. To Logan, it's an act of looting and conquest in the land where Logan's ancestors lived for hundreds of years. #valid

And I mean, he's a direct descendant of the girl who defied the subjugation the Charr tried to inflict on her and refused to be driven out of Ascalon as so many were, instead turning herself into a woman the Charr themselves feared. Not even Pyre Fierceshot, her eventual friend, really seemed to care about how many thousands of innocent people got killed in a single day or who they were, but Gwen Thackeray made sure the Charr remembered her name.

That is part of Logan's legacy, and given this response, I've always wondered if he feels it in some way. He and Rytlock were close once, but maybe even at their best, there was a strain of resentment that Logan probably couldn't have expressed even to himself, but which comes out here.

The fact that saving Jennah also saved Ebonhawke if I'm recalling correctly, the last stronghold of the Ascalonians in Ascalon, besieged for over 200 years after being established by Gwen, is weirdly understated in all this. In fact, I'm not sure anyone at any point brings up Logan's contribution to the survival of Ebonhawke and, consequently, the survival of his people in Ascalon proper. Maybe the game doesn't want us to think about GW1 too hard wrt this particular conflict, or really wants Logan's motives to be All About Jennah, but as a GW1 veteran, it's kind of impossible not to think about it with Logan's emphasis on "this Charr" and "Ascalon."

Anyway, that's my headcanon and I'm sticking to it.

As for the other members, my Gwen also saw Zojja the Asura, who blamed the leadership(?) of Eir the Norn more than Logan, which is also interesting. Zojja, too, was done with the whole thing and left. Caithe and Eir seemed by far the most reasonable, pleasant, and down-to-earth of the group (kind of funny considering the hardcore and clearly troubled Caithe of the sylvari story) and briefly talked through their discouragement at the failure to reunite. Eir had some plan to bring Logan and Rytlock together, which iirc ends in disaster in the Ascalonian Catacombs dungeon.

I imagine that my Gwen's response to all this was 1000% Team Logan, especially with the specter of Ascalon hanging over his conflict with Rytlock. She might even be uncomfortably so for Logan, perhaps? You know how sometimes someone is so fervently on your side that you almost second-guess yourself, even though you normally trust them? I imagine that's how Logan would feel. And Gwen has her own Ebonhawke hang-ups because her parents died for it, so Logan's actions contributing to its survival would ensure she is very intensely on his side.

I imagine she was pretty neutral on Zojja and Eir, while she understood Caithe's slightly underhanded way of bringing everyone together—Gwen can be pretty underhanded herself—but didn't much appreciate it in the circumstances.

So at this point, she kind of uncritically resents Rytlock and supports Logan, she has reservations about Caithe, while she's meh about Eir and Zojja. Clearly a recipe for group unity!

Gwen and Logan had a brief chat afterward—Logan was still principally angry at Rytlock, though also frustrated and a bit self-pitying with regard to everyone. But when Gwen told him they just needed time, Logan quite rightly responded, "Time is one thing we don't have, my friend," but admitted he needed to cool off. I think that would seem very reasonable to Gwen and only encourage her to jump into the Order of Whispers wholeheartedly while he's figuring out what to do next.

And what should show up in my mailbox but a letter about apples :D

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

The Reconciliation of Hitsugaya and Hinamori: Headcanons

Okay, it’s time. I decided to finally sit down and write all the headcanons and ideas I have around how Toshiro and Momo reconciled after Aizen’s defeat. I’ve scattered a lot of these ideas across my fanfics, with some having come up more than once in different or similar forms.

You can read this as either as platonic Hitsuhina or a shipping post, I really don’t mind either way. There’s also some brotp moments here (Momo and Shinji, Rangiku and Toshiro, and a smattering of others).

However, what started as wanting to make a simple list of headcanons quickly turned into a mega post. Firstly, it turns out I had a lot more headcanons then I thought, and I think it's becomes more of an outline of the events that I headcanon took place in between the end of Fake Karakura Town arc and the Full Bringer arc.

And second, while this post is specifically for headcanons and my ideas based on my interpretation of the source material (mainly the manga), I’ve also done some analysis over in this post (I couldn’t help myself!). The analysis was originally going to be part of this post before it got too long. You don't have to go read that post to know what's going on with the headcanons, but if you're interested and have some time, I would appreciate it if you could check it out!

With that said, let’s get to it!

CONTEXT

Before we go into how I think Toshiro and Momo reconciled, we need to cover a few things that will help with context for some of the headcanons and ideas. These will be short and sweet versions of the analysis I've done in the post I mentioned above, so for the full version you can go look at them over there. However, feel free to skip over this section if you feel like you don't need it:

When did Aizen switch places with Momo?: I’ve talked more about this over in this other post, but in short, I came to the conclusion that Aizen switched places with Momo when Soi Fon went to attack him a second time to activate her shikai ability. However, there’s also the possibility he actually switched places after Soi Fon made her second attack, and while she was shocked and confused by her shikai not working, Aizen put Momo in his illusion’s place on the ice for her to create a shadow and get injured by Kyoraku. This bring me to…

Momo’s injuries and recovery time: during the Fake Karakura Town arc, Momo sustained injuries from Ayon, [potentially] Soi Fon, Kyoraku, and Toshiro. According to Death Save the Strawberry, it took her 4 months after Aizen's defeat to recover in the Fourth Division. Her recovery is the longest amongst the BLEACH cast, with most of the characters who were at the fight against the Espada and Aizen having recovered and returned to their daily lives ten days after Aizen's defeat; at that time Momo was still in the Twelfth Division receiving treatment to repair her internal organs.

Despite what some summaries of Death Save the Strawberry say, I suspect what kept her in Fourth Division was not her physical injuries but the mental trauma she went through during Soul Society and the Fake Karakura Town arcs. I also imagine, certain facets of her personality would make her be hard on herself, like the part of her that's a hard worker and is generally organised and responsible. I can see her feeling pressured to recover, and she wonders why she just can't shake off the melancholy consuming her. There is no captain now, she is the only leadership Fifth Division has, but if she's like this, how can she lead her division to prosper again? Who will be their captain now that Aizen is not only gone but not who she thought he was? Is everyone moving on without her? Why cant she catch up to them?

Then exactly four months after Aizen's defeat, in comes Shinji who tells her what she needs to hear. He essentially says ‘You’re not useless, you’re still a good lieutenant and I think you can help the division prosper again. Your friends aren’t leaving you behind, and I’m not going to either, let’s work together.’ The future is suddenly a bit clearer, enough for her to want to return to her duties and forge a way forward to move on with everyone only a few days after speaking with Shinji. he gives her a goal, guidance if you will, and this sets her on the path to recovery. However, let's not forget that in 13 Blades she not only credit Shinji for her recovery, but also Rangiku, who I imagine had visited her often and helped her return to her lieutenant duties.

Why am I doing all of this?: mainly because over the years I’ve been reading/watching BLEACH, this is the one thing that I have never been able to shake off. I have always wanted to know how these two made up after everything they went through.

On one hand, Kubo not showing us allows fans to imagine whatever they like, creating their own scenarios and headcanons about how it happened (or in some cases, if it even happened at all). On the other, it almost feels like something is missing. Of course, BLEACH is not Momo or Toshiro’s story, they’re side characters who ‘compete’ with other characters for panel/screen time in most chapters/episodes; but as someone who loves both of these characters, seeing these two reconcile and move forward from what happened feels like a vital part of their character development. It’s such a shame we didn’t get to see it in canon.

Also, it’s just fun to write this sort of stuff, it’s what being in fandom is all about, right? :D Now, finally, on to the headcanons!

Side note: if you're someone who likes to listen to music while reading, I would recommend listen to this fantastic playlist of BLEACH songs that I listened to while writing this whole post. Otherwise, find something that's either calming, sad, or both to listen to.

HEADCANONS

PRE AIZEN'S DEFEAT (AKA, THE PAIN, THE PAIN! AKA, PRE FAKE KARAKURA TOWN ARC, THEN CHAPTERS 334-422)

Before she arrived at the Fake Karakura Town battle, Momo had been recovering in her quarters after her conversation with Toshiro in chapter 224. Her division wished her nothing but the best recovery and made sure she didn't do any work. Although her division looked after her, they only had each other to look after; their leader was gone, and now their second-in-command was bed-ridden with the emotional trauma she faced.

Momo felt weak and that she was being left behind by everyone; she felt like she was a failure to her division, but she was also still in denial about Aizen. Everyday she would remember when he stabbed her and the lengths he went to to deceive everyone. She tried coming up with an explanation for why it happened, but no matter how hard she tried nothing made sense to her except the truth she kept trying to deny: that Aizen's actions were his own and he intended for her to die.

She overheard her subordinates who were walking past her room and talking about the plan for the lieutenants and captains to go confront Aizen in a Fake Karakura Town, which they heard from Genji (her third seat, who has been attending meetings in her place). Fifth Division was told not to come to the battle and to remain in the Soul Society; both Genji and the subordinates suspect that the Gotei 13 worry how they'd react to seeing their former captain and any members could be a liability in battle.

Hearing this, Momo became determined to show that Fifth Division (and herself) were not weak, that Aizen didn't have any influence on them. She wanted to also prove to her subordinates that she was better, that after the fight was over and she returned they'd see she was still a capable leader.

Fast forward to after Rangiku got injured by Ayon. While battling Halibel, Toshiro stumbled or froze when he sensed Rangiku was down, and again when Momo was punched by Ayon. He considered trying to get away from Halibel to help them, but then sensed Izuru and Shuhei had arrived to help them and refocused his attention on defeating Halibel. However, in the back of his mind, he couldn't help but keeping wondering why Momo had shown up.

Fast forward to chapter 389-392. Momo is barely conscious as the fight unfolds between Aizen and the Shinigami. She's healed up enough to know she's awake and that there's a battle happening, but not much beyond that. However, next thing she knew, Aizen was above her and in a blur she's suddenly up in the sky, being propped up against a pillar of ice, with Soi Fon in front of her, who looked shocked and confused.

Alternative if you believe Soi Fon injured Momo: Momo was stabbed by Soi Fon. In her shock, Momo grabbed on to Soi Fon's arm and tried to ask why she attacked her. Soi Fon withdrew her weapon from Momo's stomach, and Momo mistakes Soi Fon's shock and confusion for having realised who she has stabbed.

She tried to ask Soi Fon what's going on, but then she's stabbed through the back, just below her left shoulder blade, and looked over to see Kyouraku, who said something about creating a shadow on the ice.

She collapsed against the ice, trying ask 'What are you doing?', but then she heard Toshiro behind her saying 'It's over Aizen', but Aizen was nowhere to be seen.

Too weak from her injuries from Ayon and her fresh one from Kyouraku (and maybe Soi Fon), she couldn't move, could only fall back on the ice and look over her shoulder at Toshiro in panic.

She couldn't see Aizen anywhere, and despite what Toshiro said, he wasn't looking at or for Aizen; he's looking right at her. She's stricken by the hatred in her childhood friend's eyes, and the rage and fury that got more apparent the closer he came racing at her. Why is he looking at her like that? Why is he aiming his zanpakuto at her? She might have even used what little energy she had to scream out to him, desperate to stop this.

She only barely registered Shinji, who's zanpakuto ability she didn't know about, so she didn't figure out Toshiro is actually coming from a different direction to the one she's perceiving.

Then it happened: Hyourinmaru is impaled through her chest as ice broke all around her. In shock and choking for air, she couldn't say anything. She could feel the cold of the blade, and her insides were starting to freeze. The only thing she could do was reach up and grab Hyourinmaru, trying to get blade out of her, but she's too weak and Toshiro just plunged the blade in further, causing her drop her hand and look ahead, consciousness fading.

When Aizen dropped the illusion, Toshiro went into into shock when he saw the back of Momo's head. He'd stabbed her. He uttered her name as he becomes aware that her blood is on his face and hands, and it's rapidly cooling. In the back of mind Hyourinmaru cries out in confusion and regret, but everything is muffled to Toshiro.

Next thing Momo knew, Hyourinmaru was pulled out and she's in Toshiro arms, who looked horrified and shocked. So confused, dazed, and barely conscious, she could only think about what just happened to her, about what the captains did to her and the way Toshiro had looked at her. Why did this happen to her? Why had her childhood friend looked at her with such hatred? She says 'Shiro...chan...why?' before the world fades to black, and the last thing she hears is the start of Toshiro's scream.

Toshiro carried Momo down to a building while still in shock. After she says, “Shiro…chan…why?”, he started to lose it. He laid Momo down, shaking as he does so. As soon as he’s laid her down, the last of his shock vanishes. He sees her there, colour fading from her skin, blood on her face and chest, eyes staring straight ahead; it's a sickening sense of deja vu, but this time he's the one who caused her to be like this.

He flung himself up, screaming in despair and having a near mental breakdown. He's hurt the one person he swore to protect with the powers that were never ever meant to harm her, the one person who has been a constant in his life.

His agonized scream turned into one of rage as he set his eyes on Aizen and he charged at him. He didn't hear Kyouraku call out to him, he only had his eyes on the man who caused all of this and was the source of Momo's misery.

After the Shinigami were cut down by Aizen and fall to the ground, Momo fell in and out of consciousness from then on, struggling to keep her eyes open and cope with the immense physical and emotional pain she’s in.

After being cut down, Toshiro laid amongst the ruins. With his left limbs sliced off, he stopped the bleeding by icing over his wounds. With his rage cooling, he’s filled with immense guilt and was determined to find Momo, unsure where he'd left her in his shock. But it’s as Aizen said, he was able to remain conscious but couldn’t move. He’s essentially left with his thoughts and unable to get to Momo. If he didn’t already loathe Aizen before, he does now.

The guilt and pain overwhelming, Toshiro didn’t completely focus on the battles taking place all around him, all he could do is focus on is Momo’s reiatsu in the distance, flickering like a weak flame, barely clinging on to life. He couldn’t stop remembering what he did, and thinking how he must have looked to her. He shed tears at the thought that he’s harmed her, almost identical to how Aizen did: she was harmed by someone she cared about, with Aizen revealing his true self and Toshiro being blinded by an illusion and his own rage. For all the power and potential he has, he couldn't protect her.

After healing the Visoreds, Unohana sensed Momo is in a critical condition and went to her. She did what she could to keep Momo alive, but recognized that most of Momo’s organs had gone into failure and need to either be regrown or repaired by technologies in the Twelfth Division.

Toshiro, relieved enough that he can sense Unohana’s reiatsu next to Momo’s, now realized Rangiku’s reiatsu was nowhere in the Fake Karakura Town. He feared for her safety, and was perplexed that there wasn’t a single trace of her reiatsu in the area.

Eventually, Fourth Division officers arrived in the Fake Karkura Town and transported Momo and the rest of the injured back to the Seireitei. Momo was completely out by this point, and would not wake again until she was in Twelfth Division. At some point along the way, Toshiro sensed Rangiku's reiatsu in the distance. Knowing his lieutenant was alive and exhausted from his injuries and the emotional turmoil, Toshiro fell unconscious.

THE TEN DAYS (AKA, THE TIME BETWEEN CHAPTERS 422 AND 423)

Momo was immediately taken to Twelfth Division. Her treatment consisted mostly of operations involving organ repair and replacement, so she spent most of her time unconscious. Outside of treatment, she’s conscious but tired and wasn’t allowed to move too much or have visitors.

When she could, Nemu (wanting to repay Momo back for some of the kindness she showed her during their Women Association meetings/skirmishes) would secretly visit her for a few minutes whenever she was sure no one would notice; but even if she wanted to socialize, Momo was too tired to talk for long. She did ask about her friends though, if they were all right and recovering. Nemu gave her brief updates on anyone she asked about.

Toshiro got his limbs back either with Mayuri or Orihime (who according to Death Save the Strawberry spent the month Ichigo was unconscious healing the wounded Shinigami in the Soul Society). I’d like to think Toshiro was healed by Orihime (someone who he knows fairly well and who I wish we got see more interactions with) but I could see him going straight to Mayuri to get the quickest treatment he could to get his limb, and also considering the time frame, Orihime was likely still with Ichigo and co by the time Toshiro got back to the Seireitei.

In Mayuri’s case, Toshiro doesn't like Mayuri and just barely respects him as a fellow captain, but he knows his procedures are quick and effective. I imagine he used hojiku-zai on Toshiro (see chapter 122 for reference). It’s a quick but very painful procedure which likely required the Fourth Division to use kido to ease the pain after his limbs regrew.

Alternative if you want it to be Orihime: she visited him in Fourth Division and quickly got to work regenerating his lost limbs. She tried to make conversation with him, but he's barely responsive. So for the most part they're quiet, but Toshiro thanked Orihime for healing him once she's done. He's going through a lot right now, but internally he's glad Orihime is all right and that she wasn't a traitor (though he didn't really believe she was, leaning more towards the idea she had been kidnapped, but he couldn't rule out the possiblity).

Immediately after getting his limbs back, Toshiro asked for updates about Momo’s condition and where Rangiku was from either Unohana or Isane. He’s horrified to find out Momo is in Twelfth Division undergoing organ repairs and replacement. Aside from not being Mayuri’s biggest fan, he can’t believe she was injured so badly that she needs that kind of treatment. The extent of her injuries is so grave there was no estimate on when she will be released into Fourth Division. He wondered if Orihime could heal her instead, but Twelfth Divsion have already begun their treatments on her. He also learned Rangiku needed to undergo some treatment at Twelfth Division but would be released the next day to Fourth Division.

Toshiro stayed in Fourth Division for 2-4 days, with the first two days spent testing his regrown limbs to make sure they react to stimuli and move normally. The other days were mainly for resting.

On his new limbs, Toshiro noticed any faint scars he once had are gone and that his palm is smoother and softer compared to his other one, which is calloused from years of fighting and training. In a way he’s s bit disturbed that signs of years of progress (the scars, the callousness) have been wiped away from his left limbs. Also the fact that two parts of him that have been a part of his body since he was born, that he has grown and shaped, are gone, no longer a part of him, and in their place are identical looking replacements, but with the skin he used to have as a child, before he became a Shinigami.

Right after Aizen’s defeat, Rangiku was of course not her usually self, struggling to make a smile reach her eyes and being quieter. She's transferred to Fourth Division for a few days to recover and rest after her treatment in Twelfth Division.

Toshiro visited her while they're both recovering in Fourth. Although relieved to see each other, their mood in tampered down by what happened. They have a long chat and he finds out about what happened between her and Gin, and that Gin may have actually betrayed Aizen. This doesn’t sway Toshiro’s opinion of Gin too much, as he still can’t forgive him for the pain caused both Momo and Rangiku. Rangiku was hesitant to bring up what her captain did against Momo, but she gently did so out of concern for him, wanting to see how he was coping.

Toshiro was so uncertain about his friendship with Momo, that maybe she wouldn’t even want to see him again. He's consumed by guilt and doesn't know how he's going to make amends with her. Rangiku though makes him realise Momo will be told the truth of what happened once her treatment at Twelfth is completed, and will know that his actions were never meant for her. However, even though she will know his rage was never directed at her, Toshiro reasons it doesn’t undo what he did against her, that she may feel some resentment or fear towards him regardless. Rangiku can't say for certain, but she's confident that in time, Momo will want to see him again.

While in the Fourth Division, Toshiro struggled to fall asleep, and when he does he usually has nightmares. So at night while he’s staring up at the ceiling, he reflected back on every time he could remember teasing Momo to the point she got flustered or irritated, or when he made unthinking or potentially harmful comments about her. He wondered if he should've gone easier with the teasing and his brattish attitude, if he should've apologized more for some of the things he said. Had he hurt her before without realizing? He also reflected on memories, mainly ones from his childhood. He remembered times where Momo was kind to him, when she stood by him when they wondered around the Junrinan together, and how fiercely she defended him when he was attacked or mocked by other residents.

Five days after Aizen’s defeat, Toshiro is back in the office, but finds himself too distracted to focus solely on paperwork. Hyourinmaru, who had mostly been quiet to Toshiro after Aizen's defeat, looked different to him now. He can’t help but recall what he used his weapon for, how he had been so blinded by his hatred for Aizen and a perceived lack fo control over his bankai. He left his zanpakuto in his room and hadn't picked it up since he returned to his division.

He tried to come up with a guide or plan for himself moving forward, but with irregular sleep and his emotions frayed, he didn't know where to start.

He visited Granny either the next day or the day after, who immediately saw something was off with him. After making tea and stilted small talk, she got him to tell her what happened. Toshiro didn't go into what happened with himself at first. Granny is horrified when she found out what happened to Momo, but she also felt a great deal for her grandson.

When she took his hands in support, she's confused why one feels softer than the other. Toshiro doesn't tell her the complete truth, saying he lost his arm in the fight (but nothing about his leg). For a moment he has to comfort Granny over this news. She wondered aloud how the Shinigami could let such a thing happen, but Toshiro said it was his own fault and he always knew there was a possiblity it could happen to him or any other Shinigami.

He looked around then at her house, the place he used to call home. It's so much smaller than he remembered, so quaint and quiet and peaceful. He remembered so many days spent here, but he can't go back to those. He now has memories that seem to eclipse the ones that make him happy. The world became so much bigger and darker after he left Granny. He was thrust into that world by his powers, one that were freezing his Granny to death.

It's after this silent contemplation that he expressed his fears for Momo and his friendship with her, but Granny assured him that Momo is strong and that they have a bond that’s just as strong; nothing can change what they've gone through, but nothing can also change the past they've had together. She half seriously said he’ll have to find a way to make it up to Momo when the time comes.

This got Toshiro thinking about when that time will be. He couldn’t imagine himself facing Momo after what he’s done, but he also couldn’t imagine not having her in his life anymore. He felt unworthy as a Shinigami or as a friend to see her.

Six days after Aizen's defeat, Rangiku returned to her duties. She actually got pretty into paperwork, trying to distract herself. Toshiro also tried to focus on division duties; he tried to comfort Rangiku as best he could (letting her take longer breaks, telling her to not push herself, allowing her to leave early to see her friends after work, that sort of thing), but he wasn’t really equipped to help her through her grief. She’s appreciative, but could tell both of them are pretty lost right now.

Around this time, Momo learned Toshiro lost his left limbs but they'd been restored. In her fatigued and anxious state, she's upset he was harmed so severely, but a moment later is unable to forget how he looked at her before he attacked her. She also remembered his agonised scream before she fell unconscious. She's also relieved Rangiku, Izuru, and her friends have made full recoveries.

Eighth day, Toshiro picked up Hyourinmaru for the first time since being discharged from the Fourth Division. In the days between his visit to Granny and this day, he knew he had to speak with his zanpakuto spirit and not let the memories of what happened affect how he saw his weapon. He has been with Hyourinmaru for decades, and it's those memories of training with his zanpakuto and communicating with him that help him pick up his weapon again. He performed jinzen and met with Hyourinmaru, who is very remorseful for what happened.

They both contemplated where to go next, with Hyourinmaru feeling guilty for not being able to see through the deception and protect what his master cared about most (a reflect of Toshiro's own guilt). Toshiro had already forgiven his zanpakuto, even though he felt there was nothing to forgive on his part, and blames only himself for what happened, that he, as the wielder, controlled Hyourinmaru's actions.

Toshiro reflected back on his visit with Granny and returned to a thought he had many years ago when he discovered the depth of his power: having this power can harm Momo, so he vowed to use it only to protect her. Believing he can only face Momo once he strong enough to protect her and knowing his bankai hasn’t reached it's full potential, he resolved to finally obtain and control all of Hyourinmaru’s power to better protect Momo. He thought he could discover and realise this potential over decades, but now he felt he was slack with such thinking.

He made plans to train everyday, adjusting his usual schedule to make room for it. As a result, either Rangiku or his third seat will have to cover his share of paperwork while he’s away, or he will have to complete it later in the day after he's done training.

Rangiku was away on the morning of the tenth day, so Toshiro asks his third seat to cover his paperwork for that day. He found the caves – an area he used to train in when he was trying to achieve bankai – and we get chapter 423. It’s the first time since Aizen’s defeat that he’s activated his bankai, and after seeing the number of ice petals break apart above him in a short time, he concluded he's too weak, that he lacked control over his powers more than he thought, and that none of his abilities could have stopped someone like Aizen. It's there and then he vows to train to gain better control over his bankai and Hyourinmaru.

That morning, Rangiku had gone to find Renji and Shuhei, hoping to distract herself by hanging out with either of them, only to find them not around. She then went to check on Momo, but realized she wasn’t in the right state of mind to see her, so she left to go find Toshiro. She found out where he is either by asking their third seat or searching for his reiatsu.

Seeing and hearing his training, Rangiku realized her captain was moving on, creating a path forward to move past what happened. She resolved to move on too after realizing Gin never left a memento for her to dwell on. She sheds a few tears but otherwise remains still, waiting for her captain to finish.

It took Toshiro a while to realise Rangiku was there. When he’s done training, the two of them left for the barracks. Toshiro told his lieutenant he plans to make time to train everyday, and Rangiku half-teasingly said she’ll have ‘pick up the slack of her captain’ to get paperwork done for their division; it’s her way of supporting him to do what he feels he needs to do to move on. Toshiro was relieved to hear her somewhat return to her old self.

TIME APART (AKA, AFTER CHAPTER 423/EPISODE 310)

After almost a whole month in Twelfth Division, Momo was transferred to Fourth Division. Unohana could tell that although physically better (save for a scar where Toshiro stabbed her and a fainter one for where Aizen stabbed her), mentally Momo wasn't coping well (given how she spent most of her time in Twelfth Division, it's not surprising to her). However, Momo was in a better mood only a day into her stay at in Fourth Division, as she was now allowed visitors.

Over the course of her stay in Fourth Division , she is visited by Renji, Izuru, Hisagi, members of the Women’s Association, her division members in the higher seats, and the lieutenants of all divisions. Kyouraku visited her once to apologise for his part in her injuries, but she said there was nothing to forgive. Her most frequent visitors were Isane (who did medical checkups on her), Nanao (who gave her books and discussed them with her), Genji (who gave her updates about the division), and Rangiku (who gave her updates about various Shinigami, listened to her worries, and just chatted with her). Of the four, Rangiku visits the most, usually coming once a week.

Rangiku came to visit Momo as frequently as she does because she wanted to look out for her friend. She also knew her captain wouldn't be visiting her anytime soon but that he'd want to find out how she's doing. She planned to encourage him to go visit at some point, but for now she recognised he wasn't ready yet. She also felt she owed Momo for trying to save her during their confrontation with Ayon. Momo appreciated Rangiku coming to visit her and trying to cheer her up, helping her to take her mind off of her melancholy even it's only for a little while. It helped them grow closer as friends and cope in small ways with what happened.

Momo learned from Rangiku that Toshiro was focused on training, telling her she suspected he's doing to try to move on. She's tempted to ask Rangiku why he hasn't come to visit, but knew deep down it's because it's of the same reason she'd be very nervous to see him. It then she understood that reconnecting with Toshiro wouldn't be as easy as she thought.

Momo's happiness at Fourth Division was brief. She reflected on her actions (ie coming to the Fake Karakura Town) and felt she didn't accomplish what she had set out to do: prove to herself, her division, and the others that she was capable of still being a lieutenant and was strong enough to fight alongside them all.

She also was no longer in denial about Aizen's actions, knowing he had intended to kill her back when he revealed his betrayal, he had intended to bring down the Soul Society, and he had intended for her to die by Toshiro's blade. She called him 'Captain Aizen' now out of habit and because she can't let go of the memories from before Aizen's betrayal, where she was happy with him and their division. Now all she felt towards him and the memories she has of him is melancholy. She felt like a fool for not seeing through his facade, even though she knew he had been meticulous and didn't just fool her but everyone else.

Seeing everyone gradually move on and hearing about the lives of her subordinates and friends made Momo feel more depressed because she just couldn’t shake off everything that’d happened. She gradually started to believe everyone was moving on without her, and may even wonder if some were visiting her out of pity.

Not helped by this is the well-meaning wishes from her subordinates; Genji told her they all believe she will return to be their lieutenant when she has recovered, and wait for that day to come. This put more pressure on her to try and recover as quickly as possible.

While in Fourth Division, Momo’s days usually consisted of scheduled meals, going for a short walk around the division grounds to get some air, reading books given to her, and drawing in her sketch book when she’s feeling up to it. Visitors, like Rangiku and Genji, sometimes joined her for walks when they visited.

A month into Momo's stay at Fourth Division. Rangiku reassured Toshiro that Momo knows what happened in Fake Karakura Town and that she doesn't blame him at all for what happened; he's barely relieved by this, still feeling guilt over what he did. However, it does make Toshiro realise she doesn't hate him, and he asked Rangiku pass on messages to her. These messages were brief, like "Make sure you rest and eat well."

Two months into her stay, Momo asked Rangiku to pass on the message to Toshiro that she isn't afraid of him and understands what happened. She suspects these are the reasons he hasn't come to visit her, and although she wants to see him, she wonders if she's truly ready to face him as she currently is. Regardless, she wants to reassure him, especially after hearing about his pwn injuries and hearing how focused he seems to be on training and throwing himself into work (she worries he's pushing himself too much as he has the tendency to do so). Rangiku passed on the message, and even tried to encourage Toshiro to go visit her, but he wouldn't.

Toshiro was deeply conflicted about visiting Momo from the start: on one hand, he’s concerned about her and wants to be there for her as a friend, but on the other hand he worries that her seeing him will only upset her or that he won't know what to say/do. On top of that, he felt unworthy to see her while he hadn’t strengthened his bankai to be a 'true bankai' yet; until he has tangible proof (reaching a standard where he has a bankai that can best protect Momo), he feels he can’t face her. It would be like the last time he visited her at Fourth Division after Aizen stabbed her: he didn't know what to say her then and there, and he believed that would be the case right now too.

He almost gave in a few times, starting to go towards the Fourth Division, but stops and turns back before he reaches it. He became more critical of himself in these moments, believing he'd almost given into weakness and forgotten his guilt.

There was also an element of ‘what if she doesn’t forgive me?’, but he knows Momo is asking about him through Rangiku, so I feel this question is overshadowed by his feelings of unworthiness and the concern that seeing him would remind Momo of what happened.

While performing jinzen as part of his training, Toshiro's inner world reflected all of the emotional turmoil he's going through. The crescent moon is still present, but doesn't cast as bright a light as it usually does. The icy, barren landscape is more hostile and had fractures running through it. There were blizzards blocking his vision and training in the inner world is a constant struggle, which at times helped him strengthen his bankai through sheer endurance but other times hindered his progress.

Likewise, Momo's inner world changed with her emotional turmoil, becoming more unstable and unpleasant to the point she didn't want to go to it. However, she continued to speak with Tobiume. Her zanpakuto tried to help her through the struggles, encouraging her master and saying she should take her time and not feel guilty for taking so long. However, she also wanted her to move on from Aizen, and was deeply worried for her master. This, her 'failure' to prove herself, and the wishes of her division made her start to believe she was unworthy of being a lieutenant. She can't move on from Aizen, doesn't know how to, and she isn't recovering quick enough (in her opinion).

Four months after Aizen's defeat, Shinji first meets Momo in the Fourth Division. Momo was vaguely aware of who Shinji is thanks to Nanao, who told her about him and the Visoreds. As shown in Death Save the Strawberry, they have a long chat getting to know each other and Shinji seeing how deeply Aizen manipulated her and the whole Fifth Division. Shinji eventually tells her his intention of becoming the Fifth Division's captain. Having heard how well-liked she is in the division, how hard she worked to obtain her position, and her impeccable work ethic, he decided to keep her on as lieutenant. He also sees a bit of himself and the Visoreds in her, in that after being betrayed by Aizen they were not sure where to go or what to do. He wants to give her what he didn't have at the time: guidance.

After her talk with Shinji, Momo went through a flux of emotions. At first she's conflicted about Shinji as the new captain, as she still clung to the memories of how her division used to be with Aizen. She wished she could go back to how it was, but any memory of Aizen only brings her misery now; she admired and felt happy around an 'illusion'. She also wonders how Genji and her other subordinates felt, and wished she could be there for them, that she was strong enough to lead them right now.

Later, after a check up with Isane, she thought more on Shinji's words: that she isn't being left behind by her friends, that they are all waiting for her to recover. All this time she had been focusing on what she'd heard they were doing (some were training, others just getting on with their duties) and not on the moments where they came to visit her, telling her they look forward to the day she returns to her duties. What she took as pressure was meant to be encouragement.

She briefly felt guilty about this, feeling like she's been dragging her feet to recover this whole time, but then it gave her hope when she recalled earlier memories involving her friends - her first Women's Association meeting where she was made an official member, her first times meeting Rangiku and Nanao, working alongside Izuru and Renji when they were all in Fifth Division and when they rushed with her into battle to save Shuhei, meeting the other lieutenants and her subordinates for the first time, seeing Toshiro in a haori for the first time, and other skirmishes or adventures she went on with all of them, including moments where she helped or they helped each other.

After all these decades, after everything that happened, she felt she should have known better. They've been waiting this whole time, they never gave up on her like she had given up on herself. They believe in her, and although they'd only just met today, Shinji believes in her too. Suddenly there's a future, one she can be a part of and shape along with her friends. Part of that future, she resolved, was going to talk with Toshiro about what happened.

Shinji visits Momo on the day of his reappointment, just before the ceremony. There's a difference between when he first met her versus right there and then. Although a little anxious, she accepted his offer to be his lieutenant and even tentatively talked about what she plans to do once she can leave Fourth Division. Shinji said she was way too eager, but was glad that she was better since they last spoke.

Shinji is appointed captain of the Fifth Division a few days after first meeting Momo. Many worry Momo won't accept Shinji as the new captain of the division, believing she still clung to the memories of how her division used to be. In a sense, their worries as correct as it took Momo a while to let go of clinging to the old memories she has of her division, but within a month she made a vast improvement, even referring to Shinji as 'Captain Hirako' without any trouble or hestiation.

Toshiro met Shinji for the first time at the ceremony where the latter was reappointed captain. Toshiro kept a close eye on Shinji initially, and their first conversation was more like an interrogation, with Toshiro asking pointed questions about Shinji’s past and his intentions for the Fifth Division. Shinji took it personally at first, but then remembered 1) what happened with Toshiro during the Fake Karakura Town arc, and 2) Momo talking about her long friendship with Toshiro and how she worries for him after not seeing him for so long. He then understood Toshiro's concerns, but still pointed out that his past isn’t really the younger captain’s business. It doesn’t take too long for Toshiro to back off and see Shinji isn’t another Aizen though, that he's in fact the opposite.

After spending three months in Fourth Division, Momo made a remarkable recovery, able to get back to her division within five days of her first conversation with Shinji. Shinji was there on her final day in the Fourth division to take her back to Fifth. She was welcomed back with open arms and caught up with everyone. Despite the melancholy she clearly experienced, Shinji saw her interactions with their subordinates and knew for sure he made the right choice in keeping her on.

Momo noted when she returned to her private quarters her room has been cleaned. She'd expected there to be dust on the surfaces and for everything to be as she left it when she snuck out to fight during the Fake Karakura Town arc. There was even fresh flowers in a vase she keeps up the window. It moved her to tears knowing her subordinates have welcomed her back and kept her room tidy, and that Genji's words to her while she was recovering were true (that they believed that she would return to be their lieutenant).

But later that night, she had a hard time sleeping. She's come back to her room a changed person; she's come back to the room of a person who no longer existed. She can't be who she once was anymore, and her division will never be the same again. Her subordinates could define their division as 'before Captain Aizen's betrayal and after it'. She even tried to look at her old sketchbooks, but is afraid, knowing there are sketches of Aizen in them, and had a hard time looking at a few books on her bookshelf that were gifts from him.

Toshiro hears about Momo's return to her division. He is still a bit suspicious of Shinji at this stage and even considered going over to the division to see her, but thinks better of it, fearing the timing would be off and also that he still hasn't reached a good enough standard with his bankai.

A week after she resumes her lieutenant duties, Momo attended her first lieutenant’s meeting since the Soul Society arc. Genji, who had been attending the meetings in her place, gave her a run down of the last meeting before she went. When she got there, Rangiku stuck with her through the meeting and brought her up to speed – maybe along with Izuru and Renji or Nanao – on what’s been happening at the meetings, Women's Association business, and news about the other lieutenants. Everyone is happy to have her back, but also go out of their way to make sure they don’t upset her. Momo noticed, but didn’t say anything, mostly just glad to be back with her friends and coworkers.

Rangiku told Toshiro about the meeting when he came back from training, and after a pause he asked if Momo is truly well. Rangiku internally noted how vulnerable he sounded when asking this, and gave her honest answer that she genuinely believes Momo is on the up, and was surprised by just how well she was compared to when she last saw her in the Fourth Division. He doesn’t completely show it, but Toshiro is immensely relieved to hear this.

Rangiku tried to once again convince her captain to talk with Momo, but it doesn't go anywhere. She started to see that neither of them can keeping moving on until they've spoken with each other.

Also, although Rangiku is definitely moving on and accepted that Gin never left her anything to remember him by, she believed her captain and Momo get a chance to work things out between them and talk about how they truly feel; she doesn't want to see the two them go down the same road as her and Gin and grow distant, nto when she can see they care about each other as much as they do.

A few days later, Momo decided to get her hair cut when she realised how long it grew while she was recovering. She also, on some level, wanted to not style her hair in a bun for a while, as it served as a reminder of everything before. Rangiku (and maybe Nanao) accompanied her to the hair dressers. Momo got her hair cut short, both as a sign she’s moving on and just to try something new. She tries to style in different ways based on Rangiku’s advice before settling on the hair-ornament-on-the-side look.

Momo spent the rest of the month focusing on running her division with Shinji. She returned to her hard working self in no time as she and Shinji figured each other out: Shinji is the laid-back one while she's the straight man. She finds their dynamic confusing at first, so used to her [unhealthy] captain-lieutenant dynamic with Aizen, but comes to appreciate it for being refreshing. Shinji both directly and indirectly asks her to speak her mind, leading her to develop a sense of assertiveness with him.

They discuss Aizen when he comes up in conversation. They reflect on their times with Aizen, knowing they never really truly knew him but acknowledging there were moments where he may been sincere (according to Momo in Death Save the Strawberry, Aizen once said that if someone is rebelling against a law, then maybe that law isn't a good law to begin with; this in a way matches up with the true Aizen, who wanted to break the Soul Society's governing system apart because he found out what was ruling over it and believed he should change it).

At first Momo's mood plummets while talking about her former captain, but gradually this begins to change little by little, and it becomes easier to talk about him with Shinji, especially when she found out instances where Shinji had similar experiences to her before and after Aizen's betrayal from 110 years ago.

Meanwhile, Toshiro has returned to being the captain his division knows and loves, and his 'straight man-slacker' dynamic with Rangiku has also more or less returned. However, she did keep an eye on her captain, seeing him trying to juggle his usual captain duties, his training, and staying in touch with their subordinates. She supported him, taking on paperwork and other duties when needed, and noticed the changes in his reiatsu over the months. It'd grown colder and denser, a sign he is strengthened himself and his bankai. However, she also still sensed an flickering undercurrent, a sign he is still troubled.

Toshiro, so focused on his training and running his division, let his hair grow out a little. It got to a point where he has a fringe at the front, which he kept brushing to the side.

Also, as he's strengthened his bankai, his ice has gotten colder. Because of this, the caves are freezing during and after his training. As a result, he took up the habit of wearing an old, tattered scarf given to him by Granny when he was younger.

THE RECONCILIATION

(Couldn't find the gif version of this scene, so have a still instead and pretend that isn't Reigai Momo.)

Five months after Aizen's defeat, Toshiro and Momo see each other for the first time at a captains and lieutenants joint meeting. Toshiro is standing in his place in the Captain Commander’s meeting hall, having arrived early, and then sees Momo and Shinji walk in right on the dot with Momo whisperingly lecturing her captain about punctuality. Toshiro doesn’t hear what she’s saying, too stunned to see her after so long.

Momo is also stunned to see Toshiro, and both of them are distracted throughout the joint meeting, occasionally glancing at the other when the other isn't looking. However, there’s a moment where Toshiro looks over at Momo and she's looking back and doesn’t break eye contact. They look at each other, really look, and see who they’ve become now, and what has become their bond. Are they drifting? Had Aizen ruined their bond? Momo wonders why Toshiro never came to see her, and Toshiro wonders if he’s worthy enough yet to face her.

Momo also can’t help but feel apprehensive when she looks at Hyourinmaru’s hilt. She knows just how cold that blade is now, and the pain it inflicted is something burned into her memory. She can’t hide her apprehension and looks away. It reminds Toshiro of why he stayed away, and that he still needs to work on his bankai.

After the meeting, Toshiro makes to go towards Momo, who is speaking with someone else and has her back turned to him. As in other instances where he had the urge to see her, for a moment he forgets his goal about strengthening his bankai; all he wanted to do was speak with her. He stops after a few steps though, his goal coming back to him as well as the feelings for guilt and shame. He turns and leaves with Rangiku, who saw the whole thing.

What he doesn’t know is Momo had turned around just in time to see him turning away from her. As she watches him and Rangiku go, she takes it as a sign he wanted to speak with her. She leaves for her division contemplating on this.

Shinji notices she's a bit glum and asks what's up. She explains it's the first time she's seen Toshiro in a while, and she's just realising some of her feelings of anxiety about what happened between them still linger - ie how she reacted to Hyourinmaru. But also, she realised just how much she wants to talk with him, and selfishly she hopes he feels the same. She wonders who should be the one to approach, to open the conversation, or where she would even start. Shinji more or less says 'Only if that's what you want, don't push yourself. As is, this has been a long time coming, hasn't it? You two have been friends for decades, right? But nothings going to happen unless one of you takes the first step, doesn't matter who it is.'

Toshiro is left to reflect on his slowing progressing with his bankai training. He feels he has stagnanted, having strengthed his bankai in certain areas - like lowering the temperature of the ice, increasing the duration of the ice petals before they break, producing larger quantities of ice, and having better control over certain abilities like Guncho Tsurara and Hyoten Hyakkaso. He feels like he's on the verge of discovering something, something that would unlock Hyourinmaru's 'true bankai' and show him what his powers are truly meant to be, but he hasn't become strong enough to bring it to fruition. He's missing something, but he has no clue what. He feels he can't face Momo without some sort of tangible progress.

Despite her anxiety, Momo decides she will take the first step. However, she knows Toshiro's schedule is packed and considers sending Hell Butterfly to deliver a message to him, but feels she needs to ask him in person. She wonders if Rangiku will tell her what caves he's training, but then thinks better of it, not wanting to interrupt him and not knowing how either of them will react if she sees Daiguren Hyourinmaru. The only other opportunity she can think of is to go the division on an errand.

She finds the opportunity a few days later. With some trepidation, she visits Tenth Division. She's only guessing Toshiro will be there based on what Rangiku told her about his new schedule; it pays off though, as she finds him and Rangiku in the office.

Before Momo arrived, Toshiro was going over a new training regime for his lower-seated subordinates with Rangiku, but the moment they sensed Momo's reiatsu approaching the Tenth Division, Toshiro was stunned into silence. Rangiku could see he was considering going. She was also aware of how much these two want to speak with each other. She spoke up, telling him to stay and finally speak with Momo. It's then that Momo knocked on the division door.

Rangiku is a witness to the most awkward encounter she's ever seen between the two as Momo, trying to keep a smile in place, hands her some paperwork that needs to be overseen and then asks Toshiro to with her in private. Rangiku says she'll take of the plans and paperwork as a way to excuse them.

Toshiro and Momo take their conversation just outside the office, and Momo more or less gets straight to the point: we need to talk. However, she also gives him a way out in case he's not ready, saying it doesn't have to happen right away. Toshiro agrees that they need to talk, and Momo offers to meet up in a few days at a place where it'll just be the two of them.

The same conflict about visiting her arises in Toshiro - his feelings of unworthiness vs wanting to speak with her and be there for her as a friend. The former almost wins, but then he realises that seeing her again right here and now, despite the uneasiness and anxiety, has lifted a weight off his shoulders. She's really okay, and she wants to talk with him. Why didn't he visit her sooner? He feels like a fool, but he also wishes he were stronger now.

Despite his guilt and sense of unworthiness, he agrees to see her in a few days.

After Momo leaves, Rangiku doesn't ask what happened, she has a fair idea already. She only checks on her captain, who is more anxious now.

Two days later, they meet up. Toshiro has been freaking out about it internally, and Rangiku picks up that something isn't right with her captain on the day.

She eventually asks (a few hours before he's about to go), and he tells her. In a rare show of vulnerability, he admits his fear of how the encounter will go and believes he should have seen her sooner. Rangiku has faith that he and Momo can make amends, knowing both of them want to move forward and see each other again, and deep down hopes he can have what she wasn't able to: a bond that lasted with a childhood friend. She says she was able visit Momo's during her recovery at Fourth Division, and that even though her captain couldn't/didn't want to be by her side then, he has a chance to do so right now.

Momo has also been anxious about this day, and told Shinji what she'd done not long after she'd made arrangements with Toshiro. She appreciates her captain's support, and promises to work extra hard when she gets back to make up for her absence if she takes longer than her usual break time. He tells her she can take all the time she needs and that he and Genji have the paperwork covered while she's gone.

The meeting place is somewhere quiet, like a private courtyard in the Fifth/Tenth Division or somewhere in a forest that they're both familiar with. If somewhere like the former, I can see Momo preparing tea for the two them before Toshiro arrives.

They meet up, and it's tense. Neither are sure how to start, but Momo does, commenting about Toshiro's new look, saying it suits him. He haltingly thanks her, and comments on her hair - he's never seen her with short hair before. She vaguely tells him she cut it as part of her fresh start. However, she also notices his reiatsu is different: it's colder and stronger. She brings this up and assumes it's because of his training.

That gets to Toshiro. He gets on his knees (or deeply bows) and apologises to Momo. As she watches on in shock, he apologises for what he did to her during the conflict, for not seeing through Aizen's illusion, and for not coming to see her while she was recovering. He then says, his emotions nearly taking over, that he'll never hurt her again.

A silence prevails over them, and he realizes in that moment that his feelings of unworthiness weren't the only thing keeping him from seeing her: he was scared. He's afraid that what has happened between them is too much to overcome - he's still having nightmares and intrusive thoughts about what happened sometimes come to mind. He's afraid he'll never be worthy, that no matter what he does he can never make up for what he did.

In his view, she had nothing to gain from befriending him back when they were children, nor from staying friends with him during the years before Aizen's betrayal. Why did she befriend him in the first place? He was a cold, isolated child who everyone warned her to stay away from, but she didn't. He has nothing to give back in return, except for loyalty and a will to protect her; if he can't strengthen his bankai to become a 'true' bankai, how can he fulfill the latter? Even though he knows it was an illusion, that he couldn't have known Momo was there instead of Aizen, he still made the choice to charge forward, to give into the rage; to him, it's damn near unforgiveable unless he has something to show for it, to show he is sorry and will do better.

Finally, Toshiro, to a degree, is still haunted by what Momo said ('Shiro-chan...why?') Why? Because he was too weak, he thinks. He couldn't see through Aizen's illusion and he couldn't stop him from using his powers in the first place. He played right into his palm once again. He hadn't gotten stronger or wiser in the time between Aizen's betrayal and the war against him.

While recovering and again in the hours before their meeting, Momo reflected on everything before the Fake Karakura Town arc. How Toshiro forgave her for the things she did against him, and how he tried to help her. He never once drew his sword against her and even before everything that went down in the Soul Society arc, she could always count on him to be there for her when duties didn't get in the way. She realised just how much of her time had been taken by Aizen and by their respective duties [as a captain and a lieutenant], that they had been growing apart even before Aizen betrayed the Soul Society. She always considered him a friend, but just how much of him was as she remembers from when they were closer? They've certainly both changed now, have seen the darker and most vulernable sides fo each other. Can they overcome that? She feared during her recovery they might not.

Momo is still affected by what happened, but with the help of Rangiku and Shinji has been able to move forward and knows each step forward, no matter how small, is a step toward the memories that haunt her affecting her less and less. She realises Toshiro was moving forward through his training but maybe, just maybe, it hasn't been enough. Seeing him in the most vulnerable state she's ever seen him in, she is pained by the immense guilt he had bottled up inside, and remembers his scream from the battlefield - how agonised it was. In that moment, she wants to give the same reassurance and help that she received from her friends to help her move forward.

I would LOVE to think they hug it out, but a part of me thinks they don't. They're relieved to see each other and talk things out, but they're still anxious. Perhaps all they do at most is hold hands. Momo is aware that Toshiro isn't a big fan of physical affection, but in that moment, high on emotions, I can see Momo taking Toshiro's hand/s (or pulling him into a hug because I really do love the idea them hugging it out), holding him as she responds to his apology. If she holds his left hand, she'll notice how smooth it is compared to her own and remembers he lost his limbs.

Momo starts off by saying after she heard why everyone attacked her, she never blamed him, not once. Even when she didn't know, she was more confused then angry, knowing in her heart that Toshiro wouldn't hurt her. Just as he did for her after the Soul Society arc, she feels there is nothing to forgive, however: "But if it will help you to keep moving, then I...I forgive you, Hitsugaya-kun. Truly."

This brings Toshiro to tears, and even though he tries to not let any shed, a few escape. He still can't let go of the anger he feels towards himself, but her forgiveness immensly relieves him. To him, she still has nothing to gain by forgiving him or continuing to be friends with him or even continuing to care about how he feels, but she does it anyway, and it moves him something fierce.

It's been several decades since Momo last saw her friend cry and this is one of the few times he has done so in front of her, so she's taken aback a little. Still she waits for him to say something, and if she's holding him or his hand, she holds on a bit tighter in reassurance.

When he says nothing, she opens up about how she felt during her recovery. She wondered where he was, why he didn't come visit. Seeing how guilt-ridden he is and how much he has tormented himself, she understands now. She more or less says, 'You always take so much on, even when it's not your fault, and you're always looking out for others, never yourself. You need to take care of yourself more, or else you'll burn away.'

Toshiro disagrees, saying it's her who looks out for everyone before herself. Believing it will help prove his point, Toshiro asks a question that's been haunting him in the back of his mind: why did you come to the Fake Karakura Town?

Momo recounts to him what she heard from her subordinates and that she became determined to prove to herself, her subordinates, and her friends that she was still able to lead and was strong enough fight alongside them. She had similar feelings while recovering in Fourth Division, but she didn't use these feelings as motivation to get better, she dwelled in them. She felt she'd failed to prove herself, she felt she couldn't lead her division anymore and that she was being left behind by everyone.

She tells him something she hasn't told anyone else: as a result of all these factors, she feels she has been selfish and that despite Shinji's vote of confidence, she has days where she doubts if she should still be the lieutenant of the Fifth Division. She believes she only thought of her own pain while in recovery and feeling abandoned by everyone, which is what kept her from leaving Fourth Division earlier. When Shinji told her her friends were waiting for her, on one hand she felt relieved that they hadn't forgotten her, but on the other she felt bad for keeping them waiting, including Toshiro. They had believed her this whole time and she never fully realised; they had to move on, but they were waiting for her to join them. Now, she has days where she doubts her leadership and Shinji's decision to allow her to continue being the lieutenant of Fifth Division, but she gets through these doubts one way or another.

It's not entirely the reason Toshiro thought she came to the fight - he thought she came to show she was better, but also to help her friends and look out for them. He didn't realise the other factors that played into Momo coming to the Fake Karakura Town.

Toshiro again apologies for not coming to see her sooner, saddened that she felt she had been left behind. Toshiro thinks to tell her to look back on her legacy with her division, but realises that much of that legacy likely involves Aizen (even in moments where she and she alone accomplished something for her division), and so out of fear that remembering Aizen would harm her, he doesn't bring it up.

In a true moment of vulnerability, he tells her if she ever doubts her strength or her ability to be a lieutenant again, that she should remember what she once told him many decades ago: our strength comes from others, in believing in them and them believing in you. He says she has always been a strong person, strong enough to stand by what she believes in and by those she believes in, to always provide others with strength or looking out for them. All of this in turn makes her one of the strongest people he knows. It also why no one could ever forget her or think of leaving her behind. Realising how he has spoken up until now, he quickly adds that her strength in kido also shows her apitutde as a Shinigami, being one of the best practioners of kido amongst the Gotei 13. She's also got good zanjutsu skills last he checked, and well, she's a lieutenant isn't she?

Momo sheds some tears at his words. She has never known Toshiro to speak like this. He always shows his care through practical advice ("Hurry back to bed, you're starting to get bags under your eyes" for example) or trying to divert her mind from whatever is making her sad (teasing her about not getting enough sleep). His words become a part of her moving on process, knowing now he still believes in her. However, his quick cover up at the end when he goes on about her kido and zanjutsu makes her chuckle. He's embarrassed by her reaction, asking what's so funny. With a smile as she wipes her tears, she says she'll try to remember what she told him about believing in others and thanks him.

She also acknowledges that she really shouldn't have been at the fight at Fake Karakura Town, that if she hadn't showed up maybe none of this would have happened. However, she knows if she hadn't been there someone else may have taken her place. Toshiro also reminds her that Rangiku may have ended up in a worse condition too, and thanks her for saving his lieutenant after she was attacked by Ayon.

They sit in silence again for a moment, the air isn't as tense as before. They at least know the other still considers them a friend, but where do they go from here?

In the silence they reflect. They can never truly be the same again, as individuals and as friends. They can never go back to being children in Junrinan, or to a time before Aizen's betrayal. They will now have to live with the memories of what happened for the rest of their long lives. Toshiro will continue his training, and Momo will continue to move on from Aizen. Neither of them could have done this though without seeing each other today and determingin where they stand with each other.

After a moment, Momo looks to Toshiro, and he turns to look at her. They see this revelation in each other, and they come up with an idea to have lunch together soon, maybe even visit Granny. The first step in a long path to reconnecting. As the sun sets, they go their separate ways.

Toshiro leaves with a weight lifted, but his determination still set to better his bankai. He wants to protect Momo to the upmost best of his abilities; she has forgiven him and he was no longer afraid to see her, but now more than ever this meant he needed to get stronger. He can't let another threat break their bond again. he returns to Tenth emotionally exhausted, but still considers going to train. However, Rangiku curtails this idea, taking her captain out for dinner and berating him for always being so focused on work. She can tell there's a change in him.

As they eat, Toshiro thanks Rangiku for everything she did while Momo was recovering. Now that he's seen hersaying that it's likely Momo was able to bounce back the way she did because of her. Rangiku is surprised at first, but then says that she's her friend, and that it was all Momo's effort.

Momo also leaves with a weight lifted from her chest, knowing Toshiro still wants to be her friend and that there's a chance for them to reconnect after all the trauma they've been through, even if their friendship isn't the way it was before. She knows she will still have days where she doubts her leadership, but commits to remembering Shinji and her division's belief in her, how Rangiku and her friends helped her during her Fourth Division stay, and now Toshiro's words. She returns to Fifth also emotionally exhausted, but wisely decides she needs to rest rather than do paperwork. For the first time in a while, she remembers her happier days in the Junrinan and Academy with Toshiro and friends.

They both fall asleep that night knowing they can begin again. Aizen sought to rip their bond asunder, but he couldn't. He had power over so many things during this whole ordeal, but the one thing he couldn't ruin was the bonds between Shinigami, including their own. So they won't let him win, they won't give into despair and never see each other again. They have been traumatised with what happened, but they won't let it stop them from seeing each other and continuing to be friends.

TOSHIRO'S TRAINING (AKA PRE FULL BRINGER/THE LOST AGENT ARC)

(Seriously though, how is there no gifs of this scene on here?!)

Toshiro continues his training - though not on as strict a schedule as before - and finds he's making more progress since reconciling with Momo. Up until now he felt immense guilt, unworthiness, and fear, but as they reconnect over the course of the year [before the Full Bringer arc begins] those feelings are slowly being lifted away. It's in coming to terms with these emotions and knowing he ultimately wasn't the one at fault during the Fake Karakura Town arc that he's been able to make more progress. His inner world is also more or less back to normal.

Also, while in the caves alone (save for Hyourinmaru), its given him time to reflect on things other than what happened during the Fake Karakura Town arc. Aside from his bond with Momo, he thinks about his bonds with others and how they stand after everything that happened. He's still focused on strengthen his bankai to better to protect Momo, believing the only way he can maintain her wellbeing (both emotional and mentally) and make amends for what he did is to be able to physically protect her. However, after seeing Rangiku so low after Gin's death, his Granny worried about his injuries during his fight against Aizen, and the hard-work and concern of his subordinates, he wants to gain control and new powers for them too.

Two months after reconciling with Momo, he gains an ability which he has great difficulty controlling: flash freezing using either his blade or a gesture of his hand (like what we saw in chapter 670 where he froze the section of the Soul Palace that'd broken off from the platform to keep it in place). The ability almost frightens him due to his lack of control, and reminds him of how his powers have the potential to hurt those he cares about.

However, he's still missing something to truly unlock his bankai's potential. A few times he feels like he can just touch whatever is beyond him, and this is usually when he's on the last few ice petals. He believes to achieve a 'true bankai', he needs to increase his endurance, and in doing so increase the time each petal can last. If he can do that, he might have more time while in bankai to unlock the powers beyond his reach.

One time he doesn't deactivate his bankai before the last petal shatters; as a result, he undergoes immense pain (including muscle spasms and cuts on different parts of his body; this was his body trying to shape itself into a form that could take the full powers of Hyourinmaru and what he doesn't know at this stage is that it's an 'imperfect transformation').

He used a Hell Butterfly to contact Rangiku to come help him back to the division. By Unohana's orders he's confined to his room until he gets better (she even gives him 'the look' to ensure he follows her instructions) and that she will send someone to check on on him and provide healing kido where necessary. He's out of commission for two days.

It's not the first time this has happened to Toshiro. In the early days of learning his bankai, he let the last petal break to see what would happen. It was why he aimed to defeat an opponent before all the petals broke and also why he allowed the rumor to run that Hyourinmaru transformed back to his shikai state when the last petal broke. Rangiku is the only person who knows the truth, so she already knew why he was in such a pained state at the caves. She tries to convince him to take it easy on the training, worrying he's pushing himself too much for something that wasn't his fault.

The next day, Rangiku tells Momo what happened (saying that something happened during his training but not what caused it) after a Women's Association meeting, hoping she will visit her captain. Momo visits him after the meeting, but can't stay long. She asks about his training, what did he do to end up like this?

Since reconciling, Toshiro wants to be more open with Momo and she becomes the second person to know about what happens when the last petal breaks - he more or less swears her to secrecy to not tell anyone else though.

Momo had hoped after reconciling with him that he'd ease up on training after speaking with him, having suspected it was the only way he was moving on from what happened. However, knowing everyone is moving on in their own ways (including herself), she doesn't pry into why he's continues his strict training schedule. She tells him to look after himself and not strain himself while training.

While Toshiro recovers, he thinks back on his training and what he could try next. He thinks about how he obtained his flash freezing ability; he gained it while on the last few petals, and he remembers a distinct feeling that went with it, one he can't describe or put a word to. It's then he realises he shouldn't be focusing on extending the duration of the petals, but instead on what happens when the last petal breaks. The thing he feels he can almost touch and what will lead to strengthening his bakai is just beyond the last petal, and he has to find some way to access it without damaging himself.

Once he has recovered and caught up with all his division duties, he goes to the caves and performs jizen to communicate with Hyourinmaru and tells him his revelation.

Toshiro wants to learn what is beyond the last petal, and nearly pleads with Hyourinmaru to allow him to find out. Hyourinmaru says his master will need to beat him in combat to find out. Toshiro is surprised by this, as he'd thought they'd gotten to a stage in their partnership where they wouldn't need to combat each other for a new ability anymore.

While they train, Hyourinmaru gets Toshiro to reflect on how they achieved other milestones together, like when he first learned his name or gained his Shikai. The main thing he concludes is all were instances of his will to protect those he cares about (he left Granny to protect her from his powers and went to the Academy to better understand and refine them, then he learned Hyourinmaru's name from his will to protect Momo), and right now he's doing the same thing again: wanting to strengthen his bankai until it becomes a 'true bankai' so he can better protect Momo. He's always wanted to protect Momo because she means so much to him, and having gone through the trauma he has, he realises just how much. He wants to protect her from beings like Aizen, wants to make it that they never have a chance to use their powers against him or Momo or anyone else he cares about.

However, it's only half the puzzle. They continue to train over the next week, with Toshiro trying to understand what else he's missing and Hyourinmaru ejecting Toshiro from his training and diffusing his bankai before the last petal breaks. He senses fear coming from Hyourinmaru, both while combating him and outside fo training. He tries to bring it up with him, but his zanpakuto spirit is elusive.

It's while combating Hyourinmaru one day and reflecting on his zanpakuto's fear that Toshiro makes a discovery about himself: on some level, he still fears his powers, and it's this fear that's holding him back. He fears what they will do to others if he cannot control them (leaving his Granny so she wouldn't freeze to death, warning Izuru to leave the area when he was about fight Gin, believing he needs to control his bankai to better protect Momo to ensure they never harm her again) and that he cannot use these powers to protect rather than harm. But also, he fears what he will become because of his powers. He believes that his powers were the reason he came off as cold while he was a child, they were transforming him such a young age and continuing to inform his personality into the present: a Soul who can be as temperamental as a blizzard but also an icy cold captain with a strict code.

He connects all of this to what happened at Fake Karkura Town, that for a moment Aizen was able to turn him into everything he hated and never wanted to be towards Momo (or anyone else he cares about). For her, he wants to be a fearless protector, one who's powers would never harm her, but now they have and he can never take that back. But it wasn't just her: he'd once harmed Granny, making her thinner and freeze her at night. He's been trying to protect everyone from himself and the powers we was born with since almost the beginning.

Hyourinmaru, sensing his master's thoughts, pauses their training and gets him to think more on it. Toshiro feels a bit of guilt, believing his fears of his powers have reflected on to Hyourinmaru, a being who is a core part of his Soul; he has been affecting his zanpakuto spirit this whole time.

Toshiro more less says: "To protect, I need to change. I need to become whatever it takes to control my bankai and strengthen it. Do I need to be fearless? Is that it?"

Hyourinmaru says something to effect of: "That girl [Hinamori] is the reason you train now, and she is the reason you learned my name, but it wasn't her and her alone that made you do those things. You've never been fearless, not once. But...even if it meant dying on this field, you've always strived forward, reached for me, even when all of this was unknown to you, even when it terrified you to leave everything you've ever known behind. That was the day you decided you were not a child. That was the day you became the wielder of my power. You and you alone can control it. You've done all of that in order to find a way to control our powers and use them to protect those you care about."

Toshiro: "It's not true. I'm still learning how to. I couldn't control it against that bastard, and it cost Hinamori-"

Hyourinmaru: "It wasn't your fault, she said so herself. You know that too. Do you remember at the Academy, what they told us? About protecting those you hold close to you? About fear? 'A Shinigami of your power is not without fear, for it would be foolish to not fear the power you wield...'

Toshiro finishes: " '...but you can't allow that fear to debiltate you. Fear comes from the unknown, but also from knowing what one is capable of.' These powers, they shape you just as much as they shape me. They are me, and also a part of me. I can't seperate them."

Toshiro knows in order for him to traverse into the powers out of his reach, he must transform himself so he can know the unknown. For Momo and those he cares about, he's willing to do that. He wants to be a protector, not just to be able to feel he is worthy of being by Momo's side, but a protector who wants to presrve the happiness of those he cares about and is aware of the magnitude of his power and is not crippled by fear for his powers or himself.

He is alone in how powerful he is, but not in company. Momo, despite everything the Junrinan residents told her, the aura Toshiro gave and the powers he discovered, has never been afraid of him. Rangiku, rather than fear the power she sensed in him, showed him the way to start discovering and controlling it. He concentrates on these sentiments and on facing the unknown, on sitting with his fear and not let it control him as the last petal breaks. He won't run away, he'll allow himself to be shaped by whatever this power is, and in turn will shape this power himself and decide what it will be used for - to protect, always to protect, Momo, the people he cares about, and the Soul Society.

As he's down to the last two, Toshiro can feel what's beyond his grasp become closer. He focuses on what he wants to become - a protector who wants to preserve the happiness of those he cares about and is aware of the magnitude of his power but is not crippled by fear for his powers or himself.

As this happenes, Hyourinmaru reveals why he was fearful and didn't want to reveal the powers beyond the last petal without combating him first: he feared that whatever lies beyond would be too much for his master to handle and that once they've discovered the potential there, there may be no going back. His power is immense, and not even Hyourinmaru knows the full extent of their abilities. Of what he does know, he feared it would take a great toll on Toshiro, that he would have to become something else to harness and control such power, something that required him to confront his fear of his powers and self and of the unknown.

However, seeing now his master overcome some personal issues that were holding him back and learning to cope with fearing his powers (and by extension Hyourinmaru), Hyourinmaru instructs Toshiro on how to finally reach out and grasp that power. Toshiro let's go of his physical forms, allows it to shift into whatever it takes it wield all of his powers. He is not a helpless child with no control over his powers or the teenager desperate to protect those he cares about from himself, he is the wielder of Hyourinmaru and a protector who uses his powers to protect those he cares about.

When the last petal breaks, Toshiro turns into the Completed form for the first time. It comes to him in a blinding white light from the crescent moon of his inner world. There is pain and strain as he ages up, but it's much less compared to his imperfect transformations. After the transformation is complete, the light fades and he's back in the real world. He immediately notices his hands; they've grown larger, and he feels oddly out of proportion. When he speaks to ask Hyourinmaru, he doesn't recognise his own voice (being a few octaves deeper), and when he finds the strength to stand, the world is taller and his uniform is a lot smaller, ripped in areas, and his tabi and waraji are completely torn, leaving him mostly bare-footed. The whole thing disorientates him and he stumbles back, almost falling over. He finally notices the ice covering every inch of the cave, even creating stalagmites from the cave ceiling and mist rolling in waves all around him.

He looks at his reflection in the ice and sees he has aged up into a young adult. He's so stunned by this he doesn't get around to exploring the powers that come with the form. However, he takes a moment to meditate on the power within him, how much more of it there is. It's immense, almost staggering, it threatens to overwhelm him. This is the true power of Hyourinmaru. A minute after transforming, his body can't take it and he goes back to his regular self.

Toshiro now understands why Hyourinmaru was afraid of there being no going back: he's now seen and felt what he needs to become in order to gain all his true powers, and it's a lot to take in. However, he already recognises that the form takes a lot out of him, and that in reality he isn't supposed to have these powers yet, but will continue to train and strengthen his body and mind to increase his endurance. He has come to know the unknown and recognise the power that comes with it; he might be fearful of it now, but he won;t let that fear cripple him or stop him. So rather than fear at this new form, he's stunned and eventually thanks Hyourinmaru for lending him his strength, for allowing him to access all of his powers.

It's now been 11 months since Aizen's defeat and six months since he reconciled with Momo. In his eyes, Toshiro has finally obtained something tangible to show he is stronger now and can be by Momo's side.

He spends the remaining months [before making his first appearance in the Full Bringer arc] training to control and understand the new abilities available to him in the Completed form. As before, he is afraid of his new abilities and the immense power he now possess, but knows he can become less feaful of them through training, to gain more confidence in his ability to control them. It's this way of thinking - and his motivation to protect Momo and those he cares about - that allows him to keep accessing the Completed form. His next several transformations are like the first, in that he transforms back against his will, leaving him only a few minutes to train in the form and explore the powers he has. With Hyourinmaru's help, he eventually acquires the ability to maintain the form and transform back when he wishes to.

He decides given the magnitude of the powers, how painful the transformation can be, and the physical toll it takes on him, he won't use this form unless it's a last resort in battle. Through his training, he has refined other techniques he already has in his regular bankai, and in most cases they should do the trick. If, however, he is facing an enemy like Aizen or one with god-like powers that can't be incapacitated by his usual powers, he will use the Completed form.

On the more comical side, while training in the first week with the Completed form, he forgets sometimes he's become an adult. He hears his own voice and doesn't recognise it and freaks out that someone else is in there before remembering his new form gives him a slightly deeper voice, or he'll forget to duck when going through certain sections of the cave that are now too small for him, resulting in a few bumps on his head.

Then there's uniform issue; learning from the first time he transformed, Toshiro starts to borrow uniforms from the spares cupboard that are a size or two bigger than usual when he goes to train, and brings an even bigger sized shihakusho with him just in case. This includes bringing along a larger sized pair of tabi and waraji. As for his haori, he wears it to the caves but takes it off before starting training, not wanting to risk damaging it in some way. His division members start to notice a few of the spare uniform pieces are going missing, so he's quick to wash

Just like before with the last petal, Rangiku is the only one who knows about the Completed form. Toshiro doesn't tell her right away, but when she catches him borrowing a larger sized shihakusho from the spares cupboard he tells her. She asks for a demonstration, and Toshiro has a feeling he already knows what her reaction will be. He takes her out to the caves and sure enough, she reacts with shock and wants to take a picture so everyone can see. He makes her swear to not say a word about it, that he only showed her so that she knew what to expect if he ever has to use it in battle.

Her excitement sobers up when she sees his abilities. She has known him for decades, was the one who set on the path to dicvoering his powers, she never imagined it would be anything like this. She is a little afraid for her captain wielding these powers; he's still so young and to have these new, powerful abilities must be a lot for him.

In all seriousness, Rangiku vows not to tell anyone. That doesn't stop her from teasing him about it, vaguely making references to the Completed when it's them and someone else and outright talking about when it's just the two of them.

Toshiro decides he will one day tell Momo as well, and a select few others in his division once he has a good grasp on his powers, but otherwise will not reveal or tell anyone about the form unless it's necessary.

By the time the TYWB arc rolls around, he's got a good grip on the powers, calling his Completed form a 'true bankai' and has considered it 'perfected'.

MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME (AKA PRE-FULL BRINGER ARC AND BEYOND)

(Didn't find a gif or still of a scene to match for this part, so have this unfinished, very rough WIP I worked on a few years ago. Can't remember exactly what the scene was, but I remember I had the headcanon about them meeting up for lunchbreaks in mind while drawing it)

While all of this was going on for Toshiro's training, he and Momo were reconnecting over the course of the year before the Full Bringer arc.

As a first step to getting back on track, they spent the next several months meeting up when their schedules align - usually on lunch breaks. In the grand scheme of things, this only turns out to be about six to eight times they meet up before the war against the Quincy begins.

It's a bit awkward at first, as they're trying to understand just exactly what their relationship is now and where they go to from here. Can they talk about their past together, or is that just relying on the past and not trying to build something in the present? Is their shared past the only thing they have in common now?

Both realise that it's been decades since they last spent any 'quality time' together, and that their view of the other have changed since Aizen's defeat. During Soul Society, Arrancar, and Fake Karakura Town arcs, they've seen sides to each other that they never knew existed, and now they have to accept that these characteristics are part of this person.

For instance, Toshiro saw Momo's selfless can work against her, making her feel bad for not 'recovering quicker' and feeling she had been selfish. It's another instance where he sees the positive traits of Momo can have negative sides to them as well (the other time being her fierce loyalty to someone she cares about, Aizen, being turned into an irrational mind state during Soul Society arc). Likewise, Momo saw just how much Toshiro can punish himself for something he perceives he did wrong, and the rage he is capable of expressing in battle.

Every time they go on one fo these breaks, Toshiro doesn't turn up with lunch (he doesn't usually take lunch breaks, so he rarely has lunch). With the exception of the first break together, Momo always takes him out to the Rukongai to get lunch - even though he insists he doesn't need anything to eat...but knows Momo is right - and then they go somewhere to eat together.

On these breaks they mostly talk about work-related matters. Momo talks about what it's like to work with Shinji (with Toshiro checking to make sure she isn't being overworked) and just general division affairs. Every few lunch breaks Momo will ask about Toshiro's training and try to offer pointers. In the last few breaks together, they eventually start reminscing about their childhood together and the Academy days, having at this point accepted the different sides they saw of the other and that there is some things they have in common - both things from before Aizen's betrayal and new things they never realised they had in common. They can create something in present as their changed selves, a friendship with some things are still the same but other things are new and different and bring them closer.

On their first break together they visit the Junrinan and Granny. She's thrilled to see that Momo has recovered and invites them to stay for lunch. While Momo is out visiting her other friends in the district, Toshiro helps Granny prepare the food. She more or less says 'see, I told you everything would work out'. Being in his childhood home and seeing Momo happier than she's been in the last year and a half, Toshiro feels a sense of calm he hasn't experienced in years, and thanks Granny.

About a month in, Momo accidently calls Toshiro 'Shiro-chan' without realising. Toshiro even gives his stock answer in response: "It's Captain Hitsugaya!" It takes them both a moment to realise what she did, and how it didn't affect either of them in a negative way. Momo didn't realise she needed to hear the usual response from him, and she never realised she was worried about calling him by his old nickname. So of course she goes back into the old habit after this, much to Toshiro chargrin but also relief.

In another of these breaks, they bring up the nightmares they've each had, and that a few times something (a sound, a smell, an action they or someone else did) has triggered a memory or image. It's something they both acknowledge they will be dealing with for years. Toshiro internally wonders if being around him will really help with this, but as if reading his mind, Momo says that the only way to get through such things is together with each other and with their friends.

Toshiro (who brought his zanpakuto to this particular break, intending to go train in the caves afterwards) notices Momo staring at Hyourinmaru's hilt strangely. She admits that seeing Hyourinmaru still makes her a bit uncomfortable, but that she's getting over her feelings. Toshiro makes sure not to bring Hyourinmaru with him on breaks with Momo from that point on.

However, for one of the later lunches, Momo requests they he bring Hyourinmaru. As she's been reconnecting with Toshiro, she fully recognises that his weapon never meant to harm her, and based on what Toshiro told her, Hyourinmaru regretted what happened just as much as his master did. Toshiro does as she requests, and Momo more or less engages in exposure therapy, letting herself sit with her anxious feelings and gradually calm down while looking at Hyourinmaru. By the time of the TYBW arc, she's totally fine with Hyourinmaru.

There are some things they don't talk about regarding their trauma (such as Aizen, the scar Hyourinmaru left, or certain places that affect Momo). Some things are still too raw for them to talk about, but in time after the Quincy invasion they get around to it.

When not on these breaks together, they see each other when running errands around the Seireitei or at meetings. Their conversations are five minutes at most and are usually just work-related.

Having almost lost Momo made Toshiro change a few of the ways he interacts with her.

For one, I can see Toshiro avoiding talking about Aizen, fearing it will make Momo upset. We’ve seen him avoid talking about the past in chapter 224, where he is quick to forgive Momo and diverts the topic on to something lighter/comical to try and take her mind off things. Eventually, Momo tells him it’s okay to talk about her former captain, that her talks with Shinji (where he won't bring up Aizen in conversation, but if the former captain so happens to arise as a topic of discussion he won't avoid or dismiss it, instead talk with Momo about him and share his experiences) have made her realise she needs to not avoid speaking about him, even if it still hurts her a little. However, Toshiro realizes talking about Aizen also affects him. As a result, Aizen rarely if ever comes up in conversation.

Toshiro is still a little iffy about his worthiness. Nearly losing her twice has now made him want to spend as much as he can with her outside of his duties. On the other hand, he still feels he has no right to be with her after everything he did (even after reconciling when she fully recovered); he’d convinced himself months ago that with a perfected bankai, he’d able to face her and have a right to stand by her side again with something tangible to show he is strong enough and learned from his failures. He tries to not let this thought pattern stop him from being in Momo presence though, with his desire to spend time with her normally outweighing this sense of unworthiness, since he talked to her and cleared the air. His worries gradually fade away with the help of Rangiku and by spending time with Momo more, and by the time he has a good grasp on the Completed forms powers, he feels more at peace.

In the first few months of reconnecting with her, Toshiro goes easy on the teasing, still a little worried that he may hurt her feelings if he does. In fact, he tries to be more open about how he feels, though it's still very tough for him to do; he's so used either hiding his feelings in one way or another, or just not thinking to talk about them. He's able to smile around her again in no time though, she just brings it out in him and he doesn't want to hide his smile from her anymore. He wants her to know that he's happy to be around her.

This doesn't stop Momo from teasing him though. However, she does notice Toshiro seems to be teasing her less. She almost misses it, having gotten used to it in the past.

There are certain locations that make Momo feel uneasy for a while. The first is the wall where Aizen pinned his fake corpse. Everytime she walks past it she remembers what happened there, from discovering his 'body' to her confrontation with Izuru. The other is Central 46, though she rarely needs to go there. There's been a few days where she's swears she can almost feels Aizen reiatsu emanating from the underground prison, but she knows it's her being paranoid while she's physically and/or emotionally low. In time she is able to overcome these struggles, going past these locations without incidents.

However, many months later after the war against the Quincy has ended, she finds out the wall once caused her so much trouble was destroyed at some point during the invasion, and she can't help but feel at ease to know it's gone.

Momo also reconnects with Renji and Izuru. They came to visit her a few times while she was recovering, she and Izuru had talked about what happened between them during the Soul Society arc and had forgiven each other. They go out together a few times for the start of the TYBW arc, mostly to dinners. Her and Izuru also talk about what it's like to have Visoreds for captains, each of their new captains' quirks, and their more casual atttiudes to their work.

Momo also gets to speak to the Visoreds - both the ones who returned and the ones who didn't return to the Soul Society. She gets along fine with Rose, Kensei, and Mashiro, and they all tell her stories about Shinji, mostly unflattering ones to get on his nerves. Shinji often calls Hiryori and co, and based on his reaction to them she wonders if she'll get along with any of them. Surprisingly, she and Hiyori get along fine; Hiyori even admitted she doesn't know how someone like her 'can stand being around Shinji' and that she's surprised she hasn't run for the hills yet. She doesn't get much of a chance to talk with the other Visoreds. Shinji plans to go to the World of the Living and wants to introduce Momo in person to them.

Shinij and Momo grow closer as a captain-lieutenant team, with Momo comign to appreciate the jazz music Shinji plays in their office and Shinji looking forward to whenever Momo decides to bake something. Further, Momo finds talking about Aizen with Shinji is easing her melancholy. A year after Aizen's defeat, she now refers to him as 'Captain Aizen' not because she is in denial, but out of habit. A habit she is gradually grows out of, consciously referring to him as 'Aizen Sousuke' when she can.

Momo also did some training of her own. With her recovering in Twelfth and Fourth for four months, she has lost some of her physical strength and stamina, and needs to reacquaint herself with wielding Tobiume. She begins a training regmine to increase her physical strength and speed a month after returning to her duties. From there, she also trained with Shinji so they could each understand the other's shikai abilities, and she attended zanjutsu practices/classes with her subordinates.

She works on her kido too, aiming to increase the number of spells she can cast over a short period and also the number she can have at her disposal, work on her kaido (healing kido), dsicover other spells she can fuse together like she did against Halibel's fraccion, and new ways to incorperate Tobiume's fire into the spells.

Tobiume believes that she may have contributed to her master's poor mental state while she was recovering, but Momo instead thanks her for sticking with her and working with her now to help her return to her former strength.

A few months before the beginning of TYWB arc, she has exceeded where she was before Aizen's betrayal, being physically stronger, her stamina increased to the point that she can use several low to medium-grade kido one after the other without tiring herself out, she and Tobiume are as close as ever, her zanjutsu has improved, and her kaido skills having increased to where she can now heal someone with deep wounds that they should be able to walk around with little issue.

The last time Toshiro and Momo see each other before the beginning of the TYBW arc is a week after Ichigo regains his Shinigami powers. They do the usual - get lunch, find somewhere to eat it, and chat. This time, Momo picks a rooftop Internally, Toshiro notices it's the happiest he's seen Momo in a long while. He considers telling her about the Completed form, but decides against because 1) on the comical side, he's worried about her blabbing to someone, and 2) on the more serious side, he's a little afraid about her reaction if she wanted to see it, and also if she asked how he obtained the form (he doesn't want to lie but he also doesn't want to reveal his motivations behind it right now; one day he will be brave enough to tell her why he trained in those caves for so long, but not right now).

He also noticed how different (and better) Momo is under Shinji's leadership. He notices she's more assertive about her feelings, unafraid to show her doubt or annoyance, and that Shinji doesn't try to control her or treat her like she is beneath him (ie Aizen treating Momo like an admiree while he was the admired). Toshiro realises there are things Shinji can do to help Momo's recovery that he can't (such as openly speak about Aizen and relate to her on being betrayed by someone she worked closely with). He feels mixed about this, but ultimately recognizes that Shinji is helping her recover and grow. He's not a fan of the man's laid-back attitude and wants to ensure that Momo isn't the only doing the paperwork for her division, but Toshiro treats Shinji like he would any fellow captain and is grateful to him in helping Momo recover.

Momo notices Toshiro is more open with her, in what he talks about and in expressing himself. Sometimes it's stilted, but she can tell he's making an effort to be more open with her. She never asked him to, but she wonders if it's because they almost lost each other. She knows if she ever lost him, there would be things she'd regret not saying or doing certain things with him. She welcomes this new openess, and when he gets more comfortable with teasing her again, she finds herself oddly welcoming that back too.

Not knowing of course that this would be the last time they'd see each other before the TYWB arc, they had planned to meet up in a month's time. However, this one kept getting pushed back to due other commitments for their divisions.

In the end, Toshiro and Momo overcame everything Aizen threw at them, trying to divide them and traumatise them to the point of breaking. They didn't let him win: Momo moves on with her new captain, not completely unscarred or healed by the time TYBW arc occurs, but it's a tremendous recovery and she will without a doubt oen day be able to refer to Aizen without his title and cope with the trauma she was dealt. Toshiro learned to forgive himself after what he did, had to control the fear he held for his powers, and didn't let Aizen turn him into everything he swore to protect Momo and those he cares about from.

But above all else, Toshiro and Momo stuck together. They reconciled, knowing they were stronger together than apart. Knowing that Aizen's way of seeing the world - as a power hierachy where relationships are a weakness to be exploited - was not how they were going to live their lives. Their bond has remained, and it's proven to be one of the few constants in their lives, withstanding so much and being a strength for both of them.

CONCLUSION

And with that, we’ve come to the end. I honestly didn't think this post would be this big; it went from just several headcanons to an absolute mega post!!

This whole outline of events was purely my take on how I can see it going down, but that doesn't mean I've imagined other scenarios too (like ones where Toshiro actually visits Momo in Fourth Division), and I’d love to know how you thought Hitsugaya and Hinamori made up and/or the events leading up to it.

As I said above, if your interested and have time, I'd appreciate you checking out my analysis post that was originally going to be a part of this post, it explains where some of my thinking came from and includes Momo’s injuries and why it took her so long to recover, if Toshiro and Momo have reconciled in canon, Daiguren Hyourinmaru’s Completed form and it’s powers, and why Aizen showed such callousness towards Momo and Toshiro in particular.

For now though, whether it was all the way to the end or just parts of it, thank you so much for taking the time to read this post (or as I like to call it, ‘the outline of a fanfic I hope to one day write when I don’t feel so daunted by it’), it means a lot and I hope you enjoyed it! :D

[mc-lukanette]

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]

—————

A few days had passed since Marinette had burned the Adrien photos, and Luka was relieved to note that they hadn't come back since. Marinette seemed equally at ease, their daily calls becoming more and more relaxed with each time she told him about her still-empty wall. He did wish he could do a little more concerning the red string around her neck, but his mind was drawing a blank and she was happier than before regardless.

The main problem however, was the relation to the miraculouses. Everyone knew that Ladybug wasn't interested in Chat Noir, a fact that made the knowledge of the red string even worse. He wasn't sure if the red strings were tied to the miraculouses or not - or how if they were indeed connected - but he speculated that it was about more than just talking to Marinette about Adrien; Chat was a factor as well. He couldn’t imagine the societal pressure of Ladybug and Chat Noir being a couple, and no one had to do much research to realize that Chat Noir was okay with it while Ladybug was very much not.

He'd have to take on the red string from both sides of the masks, and it took one particular day for him to get his chance.

"You want me to go on patrol with you?"

Ladybug nodded, balancing herself on his windowsill as she replied, "If you'd like to. Chat Noir is busy tonight, so the position's opened and you're one of the people used to having a miraculous."

Luka caught himself before he could start smiling too much, knowing that it was Marinette under that mask and she wanted him to go on patrol because they were friends.

"I'd be honored to."

She beamed at him, and after the snake miraculous was on his wrist, he was transformed and the two set off for the rooftops together.

—————

Viperion glanced left and right as he went along with Ladybug. He'd been called enough by then to have gotten used to superheroing, though it was his first time actually on patrol. Given the situation they were in, he was thankful that Adrien was busy that particular night with what Viperion could only guess was Gabriel's orders.

The red string was still dangling around Ladybug's neck, though Viperion'd grown attuned enough with his fate sensing that he could stop focusing on it and simply see her if he chose to. It didn't stop him from thinking about it, but it helped.

Ladybug seemed to know the route to take, so he mostly followed after her, but it was partway through where she'd decided that they should take a break. Paris was always quiet right after akuma attacks, meaning that they could afford to take it easy since there'd been one just that afternoon.

They leaped buildings until they reached the Eiffel Tower, scaling the monument until they reached the top platform. He didn't miss that she'd avoided using her yoyo for the job, possibly to put them on an even playing field.

Letting out a breath, Ladybug leaned against the railing and she gazed over the city. Gesturing to the view, she explained, "We'll have a good vantage point from here in case anything happens."

Viperion chuckled. "You really do think of everything."

She blushed faintly, but took the compliment casually. "I'm just doing my job." She turned her hip to more easily grab her yoyo, then opened it and reached inside. "Anyway, are you hungry?"

He tilted his head in curiosity, then grinned as she pulled out a bag of macarons from the Dupain-Cheng bakery. It wasn't anything suspicious given that it was known as the best bakery around.

"Thanks," he replied gratefully, taking one of the macarons she offered him.

She grabbed one as well and they took a simultaneous bite of their respective treats. He was a little surprised to hear that she brought along snacks, but supposed it made sense if breaks during patrol were a common thing after akuma.

They settled down on the ground, Ladybug placing the open bag in-between them so they could pick them out at equal leisure. Tossing him an apologetic but teasing smile, she added, "Sorry, but cushions wouldn't fit in the yoyo."

He raised his brows at her, then glanced down at the hard ground below them. He snorted at her joke, noting, "It's nice to see you outside of akuma battles, where you can relax and play around more."

She smiled shyly at him, in a way that was so Marinette that he couldn't believe he hadn't figured her out sooner. "Thanks. Chat says I have no sense of humor."

He frowned, replying without hesitation, "Chat's wrong."

She waved him off, though he could tell that she appreciated the comment. Hearing that Chat had told her something like that was news to him, despite all the research he'd done into their relationship. Granted, he imagined that anything could be said off-camera and he couldn't have known.

"Does he say things like that a lot?" he asked, hoping he wasn't prodding too much. There was just something about how casually she'd said it that unnerved him.

"Huh?" She blinked, thrown off by the question, then rubbed the back of her neck. "Well... most of the time, he flirts instead. It's..." She hesitated, like she wasn't sure that she could talk about it. Glancing at him, then back to the open sky, she relented and added, "—it's a lot sometimes, but he does his job well enough, so it’s not like it’s a serious problem. I don’t know, it’s not like I’ve never wondered about the what ifs of having someone else, but whenever I think about it, I just—"

She squinted at nothing, Viperion's gaze flickering down to the string, which had became visible now that he was focusing on it.

It had tightened, pressing into the black of her bodysuit in a way only he could see, and he found himself squinting just like she was.

"—I can't imagine being Ladybug without him," she said.

He pressed his lips together, trying to suppress any reaction to the comment. He'd suspected it for a while, but actually seeing it was something else entirely.

The red string demanded dependency on Ladybug's part. He wasn't sure how much it pulled Chat on the other end, but judging from what he'd gathered from Marinette's luck and fate's blatant favoring of Adrien, he could guess.

Ladybug peeked up from her macaron when he remained silent, confusion passing over her features. "What? You look like you have something to say."

"Ah—" He looked down, brows furrowing as he hoped even more that he wasn't pushing boundaries. "—just... I know that he's been with you since the beginning, but I don’t think you need Chat Noir to be an amazing Ladybug."

She straightened, dropping her treat in surprise and then fumbling to catch it. Perhaps she hadn’t caught onto what her words implied, or had said them without thinking due to the string and was now facing it head-on.

He continued, "You've dealt with akuma plenty of times without him, and you work well with all your heroes. I'm sure you could make the best out of any partner you had." He smiled reassuringly at her. "Maybe Chat Noir only seems as good as he does because he's at your command."

Ladybug's cheeks tinted red, nearly matching her mask, as she ducked her head at the high praise. She raised the macaron back to her lips, chewing on it as if that helped hide her face.

It was only after she'd slowly nibbled the treat all the way down and swallowed that she replied, "T-thank you."

He shrugged, having only been honest.

"Chat Noir..." She cleared her throat. "Well, Paris would disagree with you."

"Paris is wrong too," he replied in the exact same tone as when he was discussing Chat. After careful consideration, he asked cautiously, "Do you mean how—"

"Yeah, the—" She frowned and waved both hands vaguely in a gesture that no one but him would've understood. "Yeah."

So she was all too aware of their status of a "couple" in the eyes of Parisians. It made sense with everything he already knew, but he hadn't wanted to be right.

The phrase she'd used when talking about Adrien resurfaced in his mind: made for each other.

He clenched his fist. She was being pressured on both sides of the mask, towards both sides of Adrien's mask.

"I don't like it," she admitted, "but Chat drinks it up and I guess the public is into the idea of this superhero couple. They see us like celebrities."

"It's not right," Viperion hissed, and Sass would've been proud of it. "You save Paris every week and you deserve to be respected."

"There's nothing I can do about it," she told him, almost in defeat. "Besides, Chat... he needs a pick-me-up every now and my pep talks don't always work on him. He pouted when I brought in a male hero for the first time."

"That's not your fault!" he argued. "Chat needs to be confident on his own. He can't keep relying on you or make you feel like you can't do anything without him doubting himself. You're under enough stress as it is, and—!"

He caught himself, his mouth shutting tight before he could reveal exactly how much he knew. Ladybug blinked at him, seeming puzzled by the outburst but not suspicious at least.

He took a breath, reminding himself to stay calm. Reaching back, he grabbed hold of his lyre and brought it in front of him, strumming a few notes and letting them settle the discordant song that was playing in his stomach.

"My point is... Chat shouldn't be someone adding onto the pressure. That's not a partnership."

Her shoulders relaxed, her eyes darting around as she processed his words. She looked conflicted.

"...I'm sorry," he added, settling his lyre in his lap. "Not for what I said, but—I didn't mean to bring the mood down."

"No, no." She shook her head, pulling her knees to her chest. "It's good that you did. I've actually—" Her voice grew quiet. "—been thinking about it lately."

"About what?"

She made the same vague gesture from before. "All of that. There's been a lot going on and it's given me a lot to think about."

He knew immediately what she meant.

"It's... frustrating," she groaned. "I don't like Chat that way. I mean, maybe sometimes he said or did something that I found charming, but that's just—not enough for me, you know? To only feel something like that for a second or two." She averted her gaze, growing distant. "Everyone seems to think we belong together, and... I hate that they might be right."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed. "Well, I'm a hero; a permanent one. I need to be there all the time. Every akuma, every purification, every Miraculous Ladybug. Only I can do it." She hugged her legs closer, burying her face in her knees. "I want a relationship. I want someone to date and be close to, but I can't have it. I'm always running away; always going somewhere with some excuse so I can go deal with the akuma, and I can't tell anyone! Can you imagine how that'd make my date feel?"

He opened his mouth, but a thought occurred to him at the last second that gave him pause.

"You... so you think..."

Once again, he hoped to be wrong. He wanted so badly to be wrong.

But Ladybug looked up, her expression pained as she confirmed, "There's only one person I could be with where it wouldn't have to happen."

His blood ran cold, he felt sick, and the memory of the red string flashed in his mind, wrapped around Adrien's ring.

Fate didn't just tie her to him; it wanted to make her believe that he was her only choice.

Viperion's grip on his lyre tightened, his teeth grinding together behind closed lips as he tried to maintain an aura of calm. He wasn't just angry anymore, he was livid, and he silently wished that the face on the other side of the butterfly miraculous was the universe so he could give it a piece of his mind.

How could you do that? How could you take a girl who's always worked so hard and tried her best, and treat her like she's nothing? No, not nothing, because then at least she'd be left alone. How could you treat her like a plaything, as if she's some prize for a guy to win no matter what? How could you manipulate her to think that everything's her fault, just so she never thinks to fight back against the ones putting pressure on her?

What's love if it's gotten through such force?

"V-viperion?"

A hand falling upon his jolted him back to reality, his head snapping up to see Ladybug there, her pupils shrunken in and her brows knitted in worry. Whatever his face had looked like, it'd scared her.

His first instinct was to feel guilty. He was supposed to be comforting her, not making things worse by letting all of his emotions show on his face.

His second instinct...

He tossed his lyre off to the side, Ladybug's gaze briefly following it until his hands fell upon her shoulders. Her eyes widened, and she let out a squeak as he pulled her onto his lap and into a hug.

The only thing he was grateful for in terms of her superhero status was that he could hug her as tightly as possible without hurting her.

"A-ah..." She seemed tempted to say something, but fell silent soon after and hugged him back, burying her face into the side of his neck. He felt her strength in the way she squeezed him, like she was starved for his affection despite them being in a similar position not too long ago.

He understood. Before, they were tackling her problems when she was Marinette, but Ladybug had never had someone to personally confide in concerning Chat.

She'd needed this.

"You already do so much," he whispered. "You should be allowed to be with whoever you want, and you shouldn't have to settle when it comes to love."

She sighed against him, like she knew deep down that he was right. "You don't know how bad it could get. Some hypothetical boyfriend wouldn't deserve that kind of treatment."

"I get why you'd feel that way," he said, "but I'd hope that this hypothetical boyfriend would know that you're worth it."

Her fingers twitched against his spine. "...You don't even know me."

"I know that you're creative. I know you're smart. I know you work harder than anyone else to keep Paris safe. I know you have a right to feel however you want, and if you think you need to earn being with someone who's not Chat, then you've more than done that." He slid his hand up to squeeze her shoulder. "I also know that you'll find a way to make it work, if you put in even half the care into it as you put into Paris."

"Vi—" She paused, her voice softening. "Luka..."

They stayed like that for a while, the bag of macarons going untouched an arm's reach away. Viperion just held her, sensing that she was feeling out what he'd said and that they didn't need words for it. That was fine with him; her love life was none of his business. He only wanted to help her have the choice to live it.

A breeze blew by, their bodysuits protecting them from the wind chill factor as their hair was lightly shifted by the gentle air. Ladybug stirred, letting out a noise like she felt personally slighted by the wind, then pushed herself up, her hands on his shoulders as she pulled away from him.

"We...we should get back to patrol," she admitted.

He offered her a small smile, noting that she seemed to be in better spirits at least. "Alright." He let her out of his lap, leaning over to the side to pick up his lyre.

He heard her retreating footsteps, along with a light, "You can keep the macarons."

He glanced up at her, surprised. "Are you sure?" he asked, knowing that he was mostly responsible for them not eating all of them. "Is that what you usually do on your breaks: let Chat have them?"

"Oh." She stood awkwardly in place, looking off at the sky before dropping her gaze to the ground. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she grinned sheepishly and replied, "Actually..."

He tilted his head, curious.

She peeked over at him, eyes half-lidded as she told him, "I've never done this with Chat."

He raised his brows, as if that would make her clarify, but she simply turned away from him and started doing a few stretches, clearly prepping to head back out.

Pursing his lips in thought, Viperion turned his back to her, giving attention to the little plastic bag resting neatly on the ground. Even though it was open, the little ribbon that had held it shut was still around it, suddenly feeling more special now that Ladybug had said something so... cryptic.

He looked out at the view they had, then Ladybug, then back at the bag, feeling extremely slow on the uptake as his brain pieced things together based on what information he had.

Then, suddenly his brain supplied: Wait... was this a date?

He buried the thought just as quickly, shaking his head and scolding himself for jumping to that so fast.

"Are you ready to go back to leaping rooftops?" Ladybug asked behind him, her tone light even if she was still in her own head.

"Yeah," Viperion replied, picking up the little bag like it was something precious. Hoping to lighten things further, he then added, "I'm new to this, so I might lag behind."

She chuckled. "You might. Apparently I'm a really amazing hero according to someone I know."

He grinned to himself. Even if she was just teasing, it felt good to hear her compliment herself in a way.

He had just tightened the ribbon to seal the bag back up, listening to the sound of Ladybug's foosteps, when he felt a sudden niggling sensation at the back of his head, or—behind him? He turned, puzzled, then leaped up as he caught sight of a teal wisp in Ladybug's path.

He rushed over as she yelped and tripped over what would seem like nothing according to her. Catching her just in time, he also realized belatedly that it may've been an overreaction, given that she was in superhero form; he could only blame it on reflex.

Ladybug stood up with a start, covering the lower half of her face in shame. "Ugh, that was so embarrassing, I'm sor—"

"It's not your fault," he hurried to say, not explaining further as he grew lost in thought, staring silently at the place where the wisp had formed itself.

He hadn't just seen the wisps this time; he had sensed them. That was new, and he wouldn't have questioned a new addition to his fate sensing had it not been the fact that he hadn't particularly done anything as Viperion; it usually took an instance or two of him using his power for something to manifest, but here...

He glanced up when he realized that Ladybug was looking at him curiously. Debating with himself for a moment, he ultimately trusted his gut and met her gaze, asking,

"Do you mind if I talk to Sass again after this?"

[xoxo-teddybear]

Chaotic Family Tingz - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader ft. Older brother L/N Ryu and Younger brother L/N Itazura

Warnings: Cursing, Crack, Fluff, Tatted Bakugou bc ✨SPICE✨

Summary: You have a very….special family. You were nervous to not only bring your Tatted, motorcycle riding boyfriend to your home but also to show your very loving boyfriend your insane family. Unfortunately, the truth cannot be hidden for long. Unfortunately for your boyfriend, Bakugou, he learned the truth in a very L/N family way.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

A/N: Heavily inspired by Good Luck Charlie. ALSO, I wrote this more based around Y/N and her life but Katsuki plays part in it. I still think it’s good bc imagine Bakugou being in this situation 😆🤣

You and Bakugou Katsuki have been dating for a year. You fell in love with the Bakugou Katsuki.

He who had a sleeve full of tattoos, who wore black combat boots and chains, who rode slick black motorcycles yet was a total softie when it came to you

Even though you had been dating for over a year, you didn’t bring him home for multiple reasons

1. You wanted to be sure he was the one before he met your crazy family, 2. You didn’t want him to meet your crazy family

Notice how we keep saying crazy?

Eventually, Bakugou got tired of waiting. He wanted you to be comfortable but he also wanted to know you loved him enough to think he was the guy you would want to bring home to meet your family

Meeting the parents and meeting the family is a big step and shows that you really want him as part of your life. It would mean a whole lot to him

And when he requested to meet your family and you shut it down again, he began to question you

“Do you not want me to meet them because…of me? Do you not want them to meet me?”

You looked at your boyfriend with a sad look as he stared at you like a kicked puppy

“Baby, no. Of course I want my family to meet you.”

“Then why haven’t they?”

“….Because I don’t want you to meet them.”

“What?”

“Suki! They’re insane! I’m just- *sigh.* What if their craziness drives you away from me?”

Bakugou laughed at you in disbelief. Leave you? Like hell he would. Bakugou’s done a whole lot in his life and you are the one thing he got right.

“Yeah no. Sorry princess but you’re stuck with me for life. I’m not going anywhere.” When he said that, he kissed your knuckles before leaving a kiss on your lips which convinced you to let him meet your insane family

He celebrated right in front of you

Anyway, what you need to know is that you’re family is….crazy crazy. Crazy as in things are never boring in your house because things are always happening

(Mind you, the actions below happened before you said yes to letting Katsuki meet your family)

Now back to what we were saying

Bad things happen a lot. Things like your little 11 year old brother, Itazura, always getting into trouble at school. In fact, this time he got into so much trouble that his teacher called for a parent teacher meeting

Not wanting to get in trouble at home, Itazura had you and your brother pretend to be his parents and go to the meeting

Now you said no in the beginning, but he blackmailed you by threatening to tell your parents you broke their priceless-antique wedding china and so you had to give in

It didn’t take much convincing for your older brother, Ryu, to join in on Itazura’s plan. Ryu was a very….simple person.

“You’re just gonna give in like that?” You asked him

“I mean, in the end it just saves time.” He said, referring to how Itazura will always find a way to get what he wants

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

And so, you and Ryu posed as Itazura’s parents. You dressed in your mom’s work clothes while Ryu dressed in a suit and put on a fake mustache for gags

You both presented yourselves along with Itazura to his teacher, who can barely see straight, and the plan went on perfectly. You guys got away with it!

That was until Itazura’s teacher, who was named Mrs. Iko, saw you at the movies on a date with Katsuki

And this is where it all goes down. Take a seat my bitches, and bros, and non-binary hoes cuz shits about to get real

(Shoutout to you if you get the reference ;)

—

*Ding Dong*

Your brother was sitting on the couch with his boyfriend when all of a sudden the doorbell rang, catching Ryu’s attention.

Opening the door, Ryu was met with the sight of Mrs. Iko. She took notice of his younger clothes, appearance, and mustache-less face. “Mrs. Iko? What’re you doing here?”

“Mr. L/N!” Mrs. Iko said with a shocked face and hand over her mouth. “You look so much younger! And your mustache has disappeared!”

Ryu grew visibly nervous at her words and gulped before letting out a shaky laugh. “O-Oh! Right! Yes, Uh- yes I’ve always been known for my Uh- youthful looks! And I just recently shaved- wanted a new look, you know?”

“Oh, well that doesn’t matter. I’m afraid I have some awful news.” Mrs. Iko said with a worried face as Ryu listened. “It’s about your wife.”

At that, Ryu’s longtime boyfriend, Daisuke, stood and walked towards the two. “Your wife? You have a wife?”

“No.” Ryu said.

“You don’t?” Mrs. Iko asked.

“Of course I do!” Ryu said, turning to her. Mrs. Iko looked around as if everyone in the house was crazy (they were) before speaking.

“Who are you?” She asked Daisuke.

“I’m his boyfriend.” He said. At that moment, you walked into the house holding Katsuki’s hand, ready to introduce him to your family, totally unprepared for what was about to go down.

“Hey guys! We’re back from the- GAH!” You said, yelping once you saw Mrs. Iko in the house. Mrs. Iko looked at you and Katsuki in shock as she pointed to you both.

“And here she is with her boyfriend!” Mrs. Iko exclaimed. Ryu felt pressured to play along and tried to save Itazura’s secret by keeping the husband act going.

“You’re cheating on me?!” Ryu said to you. “You’re a married woman!”

“You’re married?!” Bakugou asked you with an angry and hurt voice.

“No! No, no, no, no.” You said with a nervous laugh, trying to reassure him.

“You’re not?” Mrs. Iko asked.

“Of course I am!” You said, snapping your head to her. At that moment, Itazura walked in from the kitchen, but once he saw Mrs. Iko, he quickly turned back to go to the kitchen once more with a shocked expression.

“Geeeh!” He exclaimed before turning around, unfortunately caught by you.

“Uh- ITAZURA!” You shouted from the door as Bakugou held you close by the waist as a way of claiming his territory just in case things were in trouble for the two of you. Don’t worry, they weren’t. He believed you when you said you weren’t married but he’s starting to notice the weird shit that goes down in this house.

Itazura then came back, slowly poking his head in from behind the door as he stepped out. “Yes, Mother?”

Hearing you referred to that, Bakugou’s eyes popped before looking down at you. “Okay! I’m starting to see why you didn’t want me to meet your family.”

You nodded your head in a very ‘yeah…sadly,’ type of way.

“Uh- Itazura,” you said, walking towards your little brother. “Mrs. Iko has found out that your father and I are having problems.” You said in a ‘help us out of this you evil mastermind,’ type of way.

“Uhhh..and does she know that you guys are the reason I misbehave?” Itazura said, loud enough for Mrs. Iko to hear, hoping she would.

“Oh, I do now!” Mrs. Iko said sympathetically. Itazura came in like the evil mastermind he is and pulled out his fake tears.

“Well, maybe some good can come from all this pain,” he said with his fake tears and pouty lip towards his teacher. You faked a laugh before whispering to your younger brother.

“Hehehe…dial it down.” You said to him before turning to his teacher. “Um, Mrs. Iko, if you’ll excuse us, this family has some healing to do.”

“Which! I would like to do with just my parents and their apparent significant others,” Itazura said pointing to Daisuke and Katsuki.

“Welp! You should be on your way! Stay warm now!” Ryu said, beginning to escort Mrs. Iko out the front door by her shoulders. “Don’t wanna freeze off your toes!”

Unfortunately, right before the two reached the door, your actual parents came in. At the sight of them, you and your siblings flinched, sighed, and groaned before facing them. Luckily, Itazura came in once again to try and save the day in his lying ways.

“Grandma! Grandpa!” Itazura said going in to hug his actual parents to play his part. Your parents looked down to your brother in confusion and suspicion, well aware that your brother can get into some mischievous trouble.

“What’s going on?!” Your mom said, shaking off your brother’s hug.

“I’m Itazura’s teacher, I came to talk to his parents.” Mrs. Iko said introducing herself and gesturing to you and Ryu, to which the two of you scrunched your faces at being caught.

“We’re his parents.” Your dad said, gesturing to your mom and him. Mrs. Iko grew a face of utter shock before Itazura opened his mouth again.

“Hahaha, that’s right grandpa! You’re my dad!” Itazura said before whispering to Mrs. Iko. “He thinks he’s the president too.”

Your mom looked unimpressed at your brother’s lie until she caught sight of Bakugou in his white v-neck tee, and his big beefy arms covered in tattoos, holding his green bomber jacket, wearing his black ripped jeans and black combat boots. “Who are you?”

“Hey, I’m Bakugou Katsuki.” Your boyfriend said, waving with his gentler voice. Your dad looked outside and pointed to the foreign vehicle in their driveway before turning to Katsuki.

“Is that your motorcycle?” Your dad asked, making you nervous before you jumped to stand next to Katsuki to defend him.

“Um, yeah, about that-“

“I love motorcycles!” Your dad exclaimed with a smile.

“We’re dating!” You proudly said with a bright grin as you wrapped your arms around Katsuki’s as he looked down to you with a loving smile, loving when he heard you say those words to other people.

“Will you stop throwing that in my face?!” Ryu said, still playing his act.

“We’re not doing that anymore.” You blankly said to him with a dead stare.

“Great! Because I was getting a bit confused,” Ryu said and wrapped his arm around Daisuke’s waist.

And on that night, Mrs. Iko left, just as confused as Ryu.

—

“Alright,” your mom began, beginning to speak to you, your siblings, Daisuke, and Katsuki. “You, you, you, you, and you, sit. Now.”

“Uh, sorry,” your boyfriend said, “but I’m not your child. I don’t think you can tell me what to-“

“Did. I. Stutter?” Your mother asked with her devil eyes. Your gentler father stood behind her with a pleading look to your boyfriend to try and convince him to save himself. Katsuki felt his heart shake in fear at your mother’s tone and he opened his mouth to speak before closing it and taking a seat next to you on the couch.

“Mama Bear?” He asked you, referring to your mother.

“Mama Bear.” You confirmed. Bakugou nodded his head before relaxing into the couch.

“Okay. Now somebody tell me what’s going on.” Your mom demanded. You and Ryu remained quiet while your boyfriends sat in confusion. You all looked to Itazura who sighed before giving in.

“Okay, fine. I was getting in trouble at school and it got to the point where I had to have a parent teacher meeting. I didn’t want to get in trouble at home so I blackmailed Y/N and Ryu into being my parents so I could get away with it.” Itazura then explained.

“I guess somewhere along the line, Mrs. Iko caught me and Katsuki together so I guess she came here to tell Ryu, who she thought was my husband, that I was having an affair.” You then explained. Ryu was just sitting on the couch with his arm still around Daisuke before he raised his hand.

Your mother sighed at her oldest child being so..childish. “Yes, Ryu?”

“Uh- no I was just wondering if I could put on the fake mustache again.” He stupidly said with a genuine heart. You and your younger brother sighed in disappointment at his idiocy before turning to your parents.

“So? Are you going to punish us?” You asked your mom. She smiled at you sweetly before taking a seat in front of you on the coffee table.

“Oh, sweetie…..of course we’re going to punish you.” She said while placing a hand on your knee. She then stood to hand out her dealings. “Itazura, no video games, no sleepovers, no tv. Ryu, Y/N - no phones, no tv, no going anywhere after school. All of you, grounded. 2 weeks. We’re letting you keep your laptops for school work so if you need to communicate, use those. Am I clear?”

You and your siblings all nodded before your mother sighed and addressed the last thing. “Now finally, what did you say your name was, sweetie?”

“Oh! Uh, Bakugou Katsuki.” Your boyfriend said. Your mother smiled at him kindly before dropping that smile and giving him a look.

“Age?”

“18.”

“Grades?”

“Straight A’s.”

“School?”

“U.A.”

“Tattoos and Piercings. Why?”

“Most of them are to honor the people in my life.”

“Motorcycle. Why?”

“It was a gift I decided to not let go to waste.”

“Are you an asshole?”

“Only to idiots.”

“Why my daughter?”

“Because when she smiles everything in the world instantly makes sense to me.”

His last answer made you smile at him in awe as you scooted in closer. It also made your parents smile before your mom reached over to place a hand on his arm. “Welcome to the family, Bakugou.”

—

“So that’s your family, huh?” Bakugou asked as you both sat in your backyard on the hammock looking at the starry sky.

“Heh, yeah. A bunch of clowns.” You said, resting your head on his shoulder as his arm held you close.

“I don’t think so. They seem fun.” Bakugou said, trying to uplift your spirits.

“Fun. Crazy. Same shit I guess.” You said causing you both to laugh. Katsuki sighed in gratitude at finally getting to meet your family and allowed his head to drop on your own. “Umm..you’re not gonna leave me though..right?”

“Never.” He said with a small laugh and kiss to the crown of your head. “Like I said, you’re stuck with me. Besides. I now know if I’m ever bored, your family will always be around. S’like free entertainment.” He said making you giggle. “Plus, Itazura doesn’t seem so bad. I don’t know, might wanna pull a few pranks on him just to teach him a lesson.”

“Aww, baby.” You said kissing his cheek. “No you don’t, it’ll backfire on you and he’ll set your ass on fire. Doesn’t matter if you’re 5 years older than him.”

Bakugou widened his eyes in offense before chuckling and cuddling in closer as you both swung on the hammock. That was when you raised your head to look at him. “So…when can I meet your parents?”

Bakugou’s eyes once again popped as he thought about his timid father who was a doormat to his demonic mother. “Uh…I don’t know..They’re kinda…insane.”

Here we go again.

Taglist: @sxcker4you @aomi04 @tessabrown101 @ebiharachan @is-this-ash @iris-shihabi @sxturn-stars @isolight @lanantoine @whatdidshesayyy @qtsuki @lazyafgurl @dessykcm @misssugarless @unicornlover25 @sweethcnvy @hanamura-manami @thisuserlovesyouandyouandyou @ssurewhynottt

[golden-barnes]

Plum tarts and red carnations

Pairing: Florist! Bucky Barnes x F! Reader

Summary: Bucky is enamored with one of the employees of the bakery in front of his store.

Category: Fluff

Warning:s some self-doubting thoughts and cursing .

Word count: 2.5k

Author’s note: I have been thinking about this since that one anon and thank you @buckycuddlebuddy because you helped to inspire me further with this. Also think of Bucky as Beefy because I'm a softy for a gentle giant. Comment and reblog pls and thank you!

“Damn Jerry. You’ve been growing nicely. A little bit more, and you will be ready to find a new home, bud.” Bucky whispered to the little sprout he was watering. Bucky loved his morning routine.

Before opening up his shop, he would check on his nursery. Water the plants in his greenhouse, checking them to see how they have grown. He liked talking to them; they never judged him or ignored him. He even named them. Sam would help, too, though he treated it more as a joke.

After checking on the nursery, he would focus on making bouquets and arrangements for the store. Nobody knew he was the one who made those beautiful arrangements, and he liked it.

It was like therapy for him. Matching the flowers and creating bouquets with meaning was a talent Bucky didn’t know he had. By this point, the shop was opened and ready for business.

While preparing a rose bouquet, he saw a woman in an apron running out of the new coffee shop from the table next to the cash register. Oh shit, she’s pretty. He thought. He kept staring at her and forgot the fresh roses next to him, grabbed one carelessly.

“Fuck.” He accidentally pricked his finger with a thorn. He applied pressure to his wounded finger.

“Oh, are you okay, sir?” The pretty woman from the bakery asked. Bucky didn’t notice her entering the shop, and now she was here. Looking disheveled but incredibly beautiful.

“Yeah, happens all the time. What can I help you with?” He said, trying to sound as composed as possible. He could hear Sam’s voice in his head. “Play it cool, Buck.”The woman let out a sigh.

“I’m co-owner of the coffee shop, and it’s our opening day. I was encharged of the decorations, and I ordered some flowers from this other place, but when they got here, they were horrible. Like really bad. And oh god, I’m rambling, but I need a brand new arrangement.” She said all in one breath. Bucky had to fight a smile from appearing. Adorable.

“It’s okay. What colors did you want?” Bucky asked. The woman smiled at him.

“We wanted white and purples. Something simple. But honestly, I know nothing of flowers. I don’t understand why Wanda put me up with this? Now we are late, and I still have to finish decorating the cupcakes.” She explained while Bucky started to search for the flowers in his shop.

“Lilacs, with white peonies and lavender roses, would make a nice bouquet. How does that sound?” Bucky showed her the flowers he was referring to. The woman gasped.

“Oh, they are so pretty! You, sir, are a genius.” She gushed, still looking at the flowers. Bucky felt his cheeks getting red from receiving praise.

“I can bring it to you,” Buckywhispered, afraid that she might not like that idea. “You know, because you still have some stuff to finish, so you can do it, and I’ll bring it to you in less than 10 minutes.” She looked at him and went to hug him. Bucky tensed, not expecting the hug, but soon relaxed.

“You are literally my hero. Just ask for Y/N,” She said, walking towards the exit. “Wait, what’s your name?” She added, opening the door to leave.

“Bucky.” Y/N smiled at him. “See you later, Bucky.”

Bucky has never worked on an arrangement as hard as this one. He was already meticulous, but he really wanted to impress Y/N. Can you blame him? The pretty girl needed his help, and he wanted her to be happy. He even added some baby’s breath and this new white ribbon that had come in for weddings. He was very proud of it but also very nervous.

With a deep breath, Bucky entered the coffee shop. A brunette was at the door, cleaning the tables.

“Sorry, Sir. We are still aren’t open.” She said. Bucky gulped.

“Uhm. I’m looking for Y/N.” He told her; she looked at the flowers in his hands and understood. She yelled for Y/N, who came out of the kitchen with icing on her check, giving him the brightest smile.

“Hey, Bucky! That’s beautiful! How did you make such a pretty arrangement in less than 20 minutes?” She grabbed the vase out of his hands and set it on the counter. Bucky blushed and scratched his neck, shying away.

“It’s nothing.. I’m just happy you liked it.”

“How much do I owe you?” She asked. Bucky put his hands up.

“Oh, it’s on the house. Don’t worry. Call it a welcome gift.” He explained; Y/N jumped and gave him another hug. This time Bucky wrapped his arms around her.

“You are the nicest person on this fucking planet. I have to make it up to you. What’s your favorite fruit?” She pulled away from him and looked at Bucky in the eye. Bucky felt his breath hitch, and his palms get sweaty.

“I-I like plums.” He stuttered. She gave him a big smile and handed him a cookie.

“Hmm, I can make something with that.” She winked at him.

-

“I still haven’t named you, but honestly, I don’t know. You look like a Janelle, but also, I feel like that doesn’t fit.” Bucky said to the new cactus that arrived yesterday, in the afternoon.

“I think she looks like a Lucille.” Bucky turned around and saw Y/N with a box in hand.

“Oh, hi.” He felt embarrassed. She had heard him talk to his plants. Not even Steve had seen that. It was his private thing.

“She’s cute. What type of cactus is it?” She looked at it, not looking weirded out or anything.

“It’s called a Bishop’s cap. They grow to be very pretty and sprout a yellow flower. Not very popular in the shop, but there’s this new cactus crazy going on, and I thought to stock up.” Bucky explained, putting the cactus down next to the others.

“Do you name all your plants?” Bucky gulped and turned around to face her.

“Yeah, and talk to them too.” Bucky fought the urge to punch himself. Why would he say that? Fuck, now she is gonna think he is a fucking weirdo.

Much to his surprise, she smiled at him. She suddenly remembered the box she brought and opened it.

“For saving me yesterday, I made you a plum tart.” She opened it and pulled out the tart. Bucky felt his heart beating faster, and his hands get clammy.

“You didn’t have to.” “Ah! I beg to differ. Everyone that walked into our shop loved the flowers. They were really something. Like I couldn’t stop looking at them. So I had to show you my gratitude the only way I know how. With treats.”

“I couldn’t possibly eat that all alone. Want to share?” Bucky asked, giving her puppy eyes so she wouldn’t say no.

“You drive a hard bargain, Bucky. Has anyone ever told you can get away with murder with those eyes?” Y/N joked.

“I think my grandma’ probably said it. I have some silverware in the shop’s kitchen. When you have to be at your shop?” Bucky said, signaling her to follow him.

“I’m on break—perks of being the boss.” She explained while Bucky grabbed a few paper plates, forks, and a knife. She grabbed the knife and cut a big piece, and gave it to Bucky. Then she cut a piece for herself.

Bucky took a bite and accidentally let out a moan.

“I take it; you like it.” She winked at Bucky. He diverted his gaze from her. Why the fuck did I do that? Bucky screamed internally.

“It’s delicious. I can see why your shop has been packed since yesterday. Reminds me of my ma’s.” Bucky admitted.

“I’m glad, but I can’t take all the credit. You should see the coffee mixes Wanda came up with. They are the real star.” Bucky smiled at her. Nice and pretty… She let out a cough.

“How did you get really good with plants? Like sorry for the personal question, but you have a talent.” She inquired.

“Well, uhm. After getting discharged, my friend Sam suggested that I take classes to handle stress and PTSD. One of the classes was gardening, and I just found it so calming. So I started taking more courses and learning ‘till I decided to start my own business. I don’t think I could ever work anywhere else.” Bucky noticed her staring at him. “What?” He said, smiling awkwardly at her.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how you are the nicest man I’ve ever meet.” She said nonchalantly. Bucky chuckled.

“It’s nothing major. I just found my calling.” Bucky stated.

“I feel the same. I baked a lot in college, and then suddenly I was like fuck, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.” She recalled. Her eyes glowed under the light of the kitchen.

“I felt the same way when I started this shop.” Bucky admitted, she bit back a smile.

“By the way, I like the name—Howling’s flowers. Oh, and how pretty this store is, it looks like I walked in a magical forest.” She complimented.

“I- thanks. I named my store after my squad and the decor well; that’s kind of an embarrassing story.” Bucky chuckled nervously. She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, please. I own a coffee shop named Magic café, and all of our items are named after magical things. I am the last person to judge.” Bucky bit his lip nervously while listening to her.

“I based it on The Hobbit. It was my favorite book when I was younger, and I just couldn’t imagine decoring this store anyway else.” Y/N looked at him with an open mouth.

“Okay, are you government android? Because you are friendly, great with plants and well-read. You are too good to be true.” She laughed. Bucky needs to find a way to blush less in her presence because this is like the fourth or fifth time it has happened.

They finished eating their pieces of tart and talking for a while. Y/N decided to go back to the shop, not realizing how much time she spent there. Before leaving, Bucky gave her some more lavender roses.

“Oh, Bucky, you don’t have to.” She protested.

“It’s just to add to the arrangement. I feel like it was missing a few more roses. You’ll be doing me a favor.” He assured. She grabbed the flowers and smelt them before smiling and giving him a small thanks.

Little did she know that lavender Roses mean love at first sight.

They played that little game for weeks, almost 2 months. Y/N would take her lunch break at Bucky’s shop. Feed him some food and pastries that she was experimenting with, and he would give her flowers.

“To put on the counter. Your store deserves fresh flowers every day.” Bucky claimed. But in actuality, all the flowers meant something. The white camellias? He was telling her that he admired her. The amaryllis? That he found you beautiful. The white and purple stocks? A silent plea for bonds of affection from your part. But he couldn’t bring himself to say these things out loud.

Speaking to Y/N in flowers was much easier. Maybe because she didn’t know and couldn’t reject him.

“Bucky, you gotta tell her, man.” Steve would try to reason with him. “She likes you; you like her. Just tell her that you like her or ask her out on a date.”

“You don’t get it, Steve.” Bucky would argue, which led to an entire discussion on how Bucky is being a coward that ended with him telling Steve and Sam to fuck off.

But they were right; it was simple. She has been an absolute doll with him. She doesn’t mind hearing his rants about the new book he read and helped him water his plants. She even bought waterproof labels to put their names on their planters. She even asked (more like demanded) Bucky to send her the pictures of every bouquet and arrangement he made. She loved seen his creations.

And he loved being her test subject. She would bring him new pastries to try. He was her official taste tester. Anything new in the store, Bucky had already tried it in every one of its variations. Y/N would speak to him of all of her special interests and all of her new hobbies. He had even met all her friends, and they loved him.

So why was this so difficult? Bucky groaned while arranging the flowers at the front of the shop.

“What’s got you all groaning and gloomy, Bucky-bear?” Y/N asked him. She looked radiant in her work clothes. Ugh, Bucky had it bad.

“Nothing, j-just thinking.” He nervously replied.

“Don’t overthink. You might over-heat your brain, bubs.” She joked, entering Bucky’s shop. And like the hopeless romantic he is, he followed.

“Soooooooo I have been trying out this new pasta recipe, and you are the only one I trust to give me the truth.” She said, opening the Tupperware she brought. Bucky’s heart fluttered at her words. He felt light-headed; maybe that’s why he couldn’t stop himself from opening his mouth.

“I like you.” He blurted out. He slapped his hand over his mouth. Y/N turned to him, widen eyes, and mouth gaped.

“Bucky, do you mean that? Because if you are playing with me, I will fight you with this.” She warned Bucky, threatening with a spoon.

“I like you a lot. Actually love you. I- that’s what those flowers meant.” Bucky explained. Y/N put down the spoon.

“What flowers?” She asked, in the softest tone he has ever heard her speak in. Bucky turned his gaze to the floor, embarrassed that this was his confession.

“All of them. They all meant love in one form or the other.” He admitted. Y/N stood in front of him and put her hand on his cheek. He felt his heart do backflips.

“What flower means I’m in love with you, Bucky?” She asked, caressing his cheek.

“Maybe red carnations.” He joked, leaning into her touch.

“I’ll ask this handsome florist with a heart of gold to make me a bouquet to give you.” Bucky chuckled while she let out a little giggle.

“I would love a bouquet, but I would much rather have a plum tart from the sexy baker on the store out front.” Y/N hummed.

“I think I can make that happen.” She said, pulling him closer. “Can I kiss you, Bucky?” She asked; Bucky could only nod.

She grabbed his face and pressed her lips against his. Bucky wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer, molding her body against him. Their lips gliding over each other smoothly, as if they were made for each other.

They pulled away to take a breath, and they both had the same dopey smile. Tarts and carnations. Who knew they mixed so well?

[bloodycassian]

darkness defined - 

az or cass x reader idk if this makes sense or not but here we go, either az or cas POV where reader (their mate) was stuck under the mountain with rhys and doesn’t come back bc she is still locked in the dungeons (rhys just assumed she died, he doesn’t know she is still alive)  Switch to readers POV, a few months later where they think their mate and their family (the night court) has abandoned them bc nobody ever came looking for her. Reader is like on the verge of death and uses her last energy to send a pulse down the bond. Switch back to az or cas POV  who are basically freaking out with guilt and anger and worried-ness. Im sorry it’s super long don’t feel pressured to write this anytime soon idk if it even makes sense  

DONT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SPECIFIC! I LOVE WORKING WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF PLEASE DO MORE LOL

Cassian was a wreck. From the moment Rhys came home alone, and until the end of time it seemed to be. Azriel sighed, watching his brother down his second bottle of alcohol. His eyes were red, face gaunt and pale. The circles under those tortured eyes looked more like bruises. 

He hadn't talked to Rhys much since the news came that you were gone. Cassian had practically blown the roof off the house of wind, then disappeared for two weeks. The only reason Rhys had let him was because Az followed, far behind just to make sure he wasn't going to do anything drastic. 

Azriel watched his brother circle the mountain, only to have to turn away. Wards made by Helion himself refused entry to anyone while the mountain was still being evacuated of Fae. He glared daggers at the people streaming outside the shield. His heart was a painful stab in his chest constantly. His mate.. gone. He refused to believe it. And Azriel saw the denial there, plain as day. 

Azriel had only stopped him once. When he packed a bag and started his flight to Hybern. He earned a black eye and a verbal lashing for that, but it had saved Cassian from going on a suicide mission.

After a month of being out, he went to his brother. Rhys refused to ask Helion to lower the shields around the Mountain, and finally Cassian seemed to give up. He would have gone to Helion himself, but the wards around his court prevented him from doing so. Rhys was torn up over the entire experience of under the mountain, but losing you was one of the worst parts. He would never forgive himself for losing his brother's mate. 

Azriel watch his brother's eyes get more and more dull. Watched the bottles stack up. Rhys wasn't around much, busy regaining control over his city, getting updated. And keeping an eye on Spring Court.  Cassian sighed when the bitter liquid hit his tongue. He drank like it was salvation. Like it would lead him back to you. Plus, it helped him sleep. It was the only time he could sleep without seeing you, without feeling that pull - the command his instincts gave. "Find me, find me. I'm here. I love you. Please."  He often escaped to the cabin. To not have to talk to anyone, and to keep Rhys from stealing his bottles from him. Cassian was convinced Rhys was saving them to drink for himself. That's where he found himself flying, bottle of booze in hand. The guilt a lead weight in his stomach. 

The door shut, and he finished the first bottle in an hour. 

Mor appeared beside him, took the second bottle from his hand and had a long drink herself. He smiled drunkenly, showing too many teeth at her. He wasn't sure if she was actually glowing or if it was his eyes squinting too much. "Cheers." He slurred, taking the bottle back and downing more.

+ The walls were getting drier and drier with each passing day. The once cool winds that would cut through the stone dungeons were turning softer, warmer. It was a welcome relief, but without the muddy water from the walls...you knew you didn't have much left. Your spirit was crushed, on top of it. Death seemed like not a terrible option anymore.  Especially knowing that your court - your friends - your family had left you. They had just... forgotten. Thrown you aside like nothing. Didn't even try to find you. Like the Winter court skeleton in the cell beside you, just left to die.

  You pushed the thoughts back, knowing that logically that wasn't true. But you couldnt come up with a reason why they would leave you down here. You prayed, you tried sending thoughts down the bond. Nothing worked. Sometimes your mind got the better of you, and you would rush to the bars of your prison cell when you thought you heard faint footsteps. 

Then you would hear your own voice echo back, and no one else.  Eventually you stopped getting up. You let the fantasies keep you entertained while you lay on the floor. Not caring about the bugs that crawled on you. You were glad there wasn't a mirror to see yourself in. A wave of dizziness crashed over you, and you fell into darkness. 

When the water ran dry, you stopped bothering calling out for Cassian. The bond was there, but saturated. Trying to grasp it was like trying to hold wind. You were too exhausted. So you propped yourself up in a corner and let the dizziness pull you under again for a moment. Taking rattling breaths, you let your mind wander to that mind bridge. That once sturdy marble that would always remind you of Cassian. 

You sent out a final tug down that bond. Using the last of your energy, you put all your effort into it. "I'm here, I always will be. I love you. I'm sorry." The platform you imagined your bond being seemed to go dark, and lifeless. Empty.

+ Cassian shot upright, head spinning. Mor was asleep beside him, her feet on the table. He shook her, trying to shake the stupor. "Wake up. Wake up!" She groaned, weakly batting him away. He took a breath, trying to steady himself. He wobbled to the kitchen, dunked his head in the cold sink water and slapped himself a few times. The haziness from his stupor crawled away, slowly. 

Mor appeared in the archway, rubbing her eyes.

"Get Rhys. I need you to winnow us." He demanded, patting her face softly. Her eyebrows knit together but she stretched, and sleepily obliged.  + You assumed the crackling was just your starved imagination. Again. But the wind changed as well, and you tried not to let your hopes up. You weakly opened your eyes, to the same familiar cell. A silent tear slid down your cheek.  Then there were the shuffling of footsteps again, and you hid your face in your hands. It seemed like all the imagination tricks were attacking at once. You wanted it to stop. You wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep until you could see and hold Cassian again. Voices, now.

The sweet deep voice of a man who spoke another language. An ancient language. Your ears rang. You cracked your eyes again, to a blinding white light. You held a hand in front of your face, trying to see behind it. 

A thud, and scrape of metal. Then the scent hit you. It was similar to what you had imagined but somehow a million times better. Then, his arms were around you. "Mother above." He breathed. You would have thought the mother took you at last if it wasnt for the pain in your gut.

"We got you honey, I'm so sorry. Im-" He tried to hold back a sob. You smiled weakly at the familiar, yet different eyes that you loved. The marble platform you shared seemed to be lighting up with happiness. At the same time, crumbling and falling with shame. Anguish. 

Rhys began winnowing the group immediately, nodding to Helion. The high lord gave him a melancholy smile back, and winnowed himself in a flash of light. He would check the rest of the mountain with his forces and repair the wards before he returned to his home. 

Everyone surrounded the healer, watching her work. Mor was trying to stay calm, but her hands shook when she held Amrens. Rhys and Azriel both had jaws clenched, shoulders tense. Watching the way Cassian's tears fell on to your shoulder as he cradled you. The healer squeezed  his arm softly, silently requesting him to move. He didn't.

Azriel went to his brother, wrapping an arm around him. "Your mate needs you to be strong, Cas." He consoled, pulling him away gently. Cassian held you tighter, just for a second then nodded and let go. He held your hand firmly. His warmth missing from your body was a shock. You began shivering. Amren tugged a blanket off the guest couch nearby and placed it over your legs. 

"T-thanks." you muttered. Her eyes widened, but she nodded. Her and Rhys glanced to each other. A silent conversation. You didnt care. 

"Cas?" You squeezed his hand, and there he was. His pale face looked ragged. He seemed like he was struggling in every sort of way. You didnt want to imagine what he was looking at when he looked at your features. You could practically feel your cheeks sinking in, your bones losing their density. "I missed you." You smiled, trying to lift his mood. 

His lips quivered, and he nodded. He kissed the back of your hand. "You wouldnt believe how much I missed you. All of us did." he glanced to Rhys. His face was blank, but that steady stream of power seemed to be crackling outside. 

You let your eyes drift to each of your friends. Each of their tear stained faces were such a welcome relief. Over a month alone, their presence alone was enough to soothe that part of you that doubted their love. 

Cassian kissed your forehead, before the healer's light knocked you into a peaceful sleep. 

[writer-panda]

Ruin and Rebirth - Chapter 1

Ruin and Rebirth

Chapter 2

Inspired by @jumpingjoy82 on Tumblr. Thank you for the amazing prologue.

I don’t own the characters, only the plot. Miraculous and Justice League belong to their respective creators

--------

"It's okay Marinette. Everything is going to be fine. You’re too young to understand, but it was for the greater good."

To young.

TO YOUNG!

It was all the Justice League's fault. If they kept their incompetent asses out of Paris, none of this would have happened.

Apparently, they just spontaneously decided to go through the Watchtower’s recycling bin, and what they found astonished them. Years upon years worth of pleas for help from Paris.

They decide to finally investigate, and it just so happens that it was during an Akuma Attack, and they threw everything the Parisian heroes were telling them out of the window, wanting to do things their own way.

Superman was one of the ones there.

And they learned just how far the Miracle Cure could go.

He decided to use his super strength and threw a car at the akumatized victim, who moved out of the way at the last minute, so the car sailed right through the Tom & Sabine Bakery, promptly, catching on fire, giving no time for the people inside to get out. No one got out alive.

Ladybug froze for a moment, before fighting with more determination than before, knowing that the Miracle Cure would bring them back.

She was wrong, which brings us back to this point.

"I don't give a damn about you so-called 'greater good' and now you’re telling me, that I'm too young to understand, but am I too young to experience it? Too young to actually see everything and everyone I love torn from me because of these heroes?! Why the hell are they here now? Where were they when this first started? What changed? And now, because of them, my entire family is dead!"

After that everything was hazy, but she knew, she hated superheroes.

They never knew when to stop, and just like Chat Noir, they expected to be praised for whatever happens, no matter if there were casualties or not.

The world would be better off without them.

----------------

The sun has long since set over Paris. The fires were still burning in some parts of town. For the first time since Ladybug first appeared, the citizens of Paris felt true fear. It was ironic. They didn’t fear the akuma. They feared the heroes that came to their rescue. For the first time in four years, the casualties were piling up. And the akuma was responsible for none.

True, many of them initially asked for it. With each fight, Ladybug and Chat Noir were taking longer. It’s been obvious for some time that they were slowly being worn out. Some media started to criticize the duo, question their skills, age, their right to act in Paris. They weren’t part of the UN Justice League Charter. Their only real authority came from the trust of the citizens themselves. And that trust was lost. The civilian pleas to the Justice League increased in number and frequency. Under public pressure, the mayor had no choice but to issue an official plea for help.

But then, then… the heroes came. 

In retrospection, almost everyone would agree that it was a mistake. Justice League was not used to fighting magical threats. They weren’t practiced in dealing with possessed villains. They didn’t understand. And they treated Ladybug and Chat Noir worse than sidekicks. 

That flying chicken even dared to wrap Chat Noir in a metal bar so he wouldn’t get in the way. 

Ladybug… tried her best. She allowed herself to trust the new heroes. She stopped saving every civilian from the rubble. She focused on the akuma. If heroes didn’t bother with the lives, it must’ve meant they trusted her cure, right?

WRONG

They were like a tank, riding through the city with a singular goal in mind. 

It didn’t help that they deemed the akuma a “world-level threat”. Yeah, right. Stormy Weather was powerful, but the damage could’ve been repaired. 

Or so she thought.

The volcanos, the tsunami, the tornadoes, the earthquakes? Those were fixed. The rubble caused by them was put back in place and those who suffered under them were better than new. 

But not the damage caused by the heroes. 

Not the bakery.

There was no magic in what happened. There was nothing to reverse. Those were human actions. For the first time perhaps, the people could see how much of the damage caused by the fight was the fault of heroes. How many deaths they caused. That is if they admitted, before themselves at least, that it was their fault. 

And yet, the so-called ‘heroes’ dared to lecture her about responsibility. About the sacrifice of few for the lives of many. About the innocence of young. 

She ran away. She managed to dodge them and vanish. Meld with the crowd when there were no cameras in sight and she was sure they couldn’t track her. 

Now, Ladybug stood alone on the top of the Eiffel tower, with her yo-yo communicator in her hand. She sent the message fifteen minutes ago. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but at this point, she no longer cared. There was nothing more for her. 

“He thought this was a trap.” A voice spoke from behind her. Ladybug twisted immediately, taking a guarded stance. She was still avoiding the Justice League after all. Before her stood… someone. She suspected it was an Akuma. The woman had pale skin and wore a black dress, black gloves, and a black veil over her face. 

“It isn’t. I’m alone. The city suffered enough as it is today. I suffered enough.” Ladybug’s voice cracked slightly.

“I see…” The akuma pursed her lips. For a moment, a purple butterfly appeared over her face before the woman nodded. “Fine. Give me your miraculous and I will take you to him.” 

“That isn’t going to work and you know it. You would just leave me stuck here. I’m willing to offer a token of goodwill though.” With that, Ladybug pulled a necklace and dangled it before the akuma. 

“Is that…?” 

“The miraculous of the fox? Yes. No tricks. I want to negotiate. In-person.” She made sure to emphasize the last part. 

The outline of the butterfly appeared in front of the Akuma’s face for a moment before she silently nodded. “I can lead you to him, but not before you reveal your face.”

“Fine.” Ladybug didn’t hesitate. She was past that point long ago. There was no hesitation, no doubt… no regret. Not for her actions anyway. No more.

In the flash of light, instead of Ladybug, Marinette stood before the akuma. 

“You’re…” the woman’s voice was stuck in her throat.

“I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” 

Tikki, floating nearby gasped in fear. The Kwami didn’t get a chance to explain before Marinette resumed her transformation. 

“Fine. Let’s go.”

The two leaped from the tower and started to zoom over the city. At first, they remained silent. Neither wanted to speak. It was tense anyway. It was, of course, Marinette who broke the silence first. 

“Your… your look. Have you lost someone today?”

The woman didn’t answer immediately. She appeared to be mulling over the question at first. Or wondering if she should answer.

“A… colleague; coworker. He was… a friend of mine you could say. We’ve been working side-by-side for at least a decade.”

“I see…” Marinette pursed her lips into a thin line. “I’m sorry.” She spoke up after a moment. “I imagine you blame me now?”

“No.” The akuma snapped. “You’re just a child. I put the blame where it belongs. With heroes. And with people who chose to invite them.” 

“Not hawkmoth?” Escaped ladybug’s mouth before she realized it. 

“He… he never wanted this either. He isn’t a villain you believe him to be.” The akuma hesitated for a moment, but Marinette could sense it was her own opinion. She filed it in her brain under interesting. 

-----------

When they arrived at Agreste manor, Marinette was surprised.

When they entered the study, she was baffled.

When they went down the secret elevator, she was angry. 

When she stood before Hawkmoth, she was furious. And it wasn’t because he was her mortal enemy. 

“So that’s why you neglect your only son?!” She screamed at him as soon as he turned to see her. His mouth moved, probably to give some excuse. “I don’t care if you want to rule the world or be a god or whatever. No matter what little sick excuse your brain found to justify your actions. You are not allowed to just ignore Adrien like that! He needs a father. He is a teenager and he needs you!” 

“Madmoiselle Dupain-Cheng.” His voice was cold, but in a different way than she ever heard Gabriel Agreste or Hawkmoth speak. 

“Gabriel Agreste. And I assume you akumatized your Assistant, Nathalie?” She pointed to the woman next to her. 

“Astute observation, Ladybug. You risked a lot coming here to speak with me. I could take your miraculous now, or any other time. You gave me your most precious protection: your secret identity. So… what was that important?”

“I want to know. What is so important to you that you’re willing to go any length to get it?”

“That’s it?” Hawkmoth raised an eyebrow. “That’s all? You’re ready to risk everything over that little piece of knowledge?”

“Yes.” Once more, there was no hesitation. There was no doubt. Her heart had no place for doubts anymore. Her heart was still stuck under three levels worth of rubble. 

“And what, pray tell, would you do if I told you?” He asked with a hint of amusement in his voice. 

“That depends.” She could see he was now intrigued, so she started to explain. “On whether I like the goal or not. And on whether you understand fully the implications. If you pass, you will get my miraculous and I will deliver you Chat Noir’s miraculous too. If you fail, you still get my miraculous. But you will never get the ring. I made sure that if something happens tonight, he will retire. He will leave Paris and toss the ring into the ocean in a concrete box. You would be left to torture the city all you wish until the League found you, but the ring’s power would forever remain out of your reach. You would be left with nothing but a criminal record. And your son would sooner than later be left without both parents. Of course, you could abandon your crusade, but then I would’ve won. I’m not a naive girl without a plan. Not anymore.” She spat the last part angrily, but her gaze was not focused on Hawkmoth, but far in the distance. 

“I… see. Clever. You’re right. This will probably end tonight.” He looked her over top to bottom. It was the first time he stood so close face to face with Ladybug. His nemesis. 

Gabriel wasn’t sure if he was impressed with her, or infuriated. Scratch that, he was sure he was both. She outsmarted him. She was willing to make an ultimate sacrifice for the sake of ending the fight. In that very moment, in her determined expression, he saw a reflection of another headstrong woman he knew. It was as if Emilie’s spirit stood before him. 

“So? How will it be?” she asked impatiently.

“Follow me.” He simply motioned for her and started walking. 

Soon, the group entered a large chamber, lit by several lights. In the center of a platform in the far end stood a glass coffin. Even from the distance, Marinette easily saw there was a woman inside. She was quick to pass Hawkmoth and get there, even as he was trying to grab her.

When the akuma and Gabriel arrived, they watched as Marinette was carefully pacing around the coffin and muttering under her breath. 

“She overused the damaged miraculous.” It wasn’t a question, but Hawkmoth answered anyway.

“Yes. Only the wish can bring her back.”

“You’re one of the biggest idiots in this whole city!” The girl screamed. “She is not dead, you moron. There are literally five different ways listed in the book which, may I remind you, you possess!” She continued to yell at him. “Hell! You could akumatize someone and give him healing power. You know… use the butterfly miraculous like it was meant to be used!” She scolded. “But nooo! You’ve got to be an idiot and immediately go for the most dangerous, imprecise, reckless, chaotic, risky solution there was! I’m sure she would’ve been ashamed.” 

Gabriel was at a loss for words. Was it really that easy? It couldn’t have been. He checked several times. He would’ve known. The akuma left Nathalie, who collapsed onto the ground. Some tear stains were now visible on her face. “I… I was just… I did what she told me. Only the wish can bring back the dead.” He stammered. 

“She. Is. Not. Dead.” Marinette made sure to punctuate each word. “She is in a coma. She is alive you moron. Tikki! Spots off!” The flash of light signaled the end of her transformation. “Be silent, little one.” She said in a caring voice. She couldn’t bring herself to take her anger on Kwami, but she couldn’t doubt now. “Akumatize me. Give me the power to heal her.”

The corruption left the akuma that was floating in the air, only for Hawkmoth to get his hands around the white butterfly and pour a new dose of power into it. It flew the short distance between them and sunk into Marinette’s purse. She smirked as the corrupted energy passed through her, turning her into an akuma. That is until she could see how she looked. 

“I’m not sure how you can call yourself a designer and yet dress me in this!” she complained. Her skin was now deep red, the color of blood, and her clothes turned into a white nurse uniform. Still, she walked to the coffin and easily opened the top. From her purse (now medic’s bag) she pulled a needle and injected the content into Emilie.

When the beautiful woman started to move, letting out an exhausted groan, Marinette sighed in relief. 

“Wha… what’s going on… the last thing I… Gabriel!” She bolted upright and immediately moaned in pain. Her hand instinctively flew to her back. “Gabriel Agreste! Did you keep me in this coffin for a whole week!?” She yelled at her husband. “And who’re those two?” She pointed at Marinette, who was smiling next to her, and Nathalie, still exhausted on the floor. “You were supposed to only reveal this to Adrien if anything happened to me. There was no talk about your assistant and… um, who’re you?” The woman turned to the akuma, who sighed and tore a strap of her bag. The butterfly left the item and Marinette reverted back to her normal form. 

“I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I’m… was… used to be Ladybug.” 

“But you’re just a kid. And why was Ladybug active… Gabriel!” She roared and her husband took a step back. 

Marinette was… surprised. She didn’t expect Emilie to be like that. From what Adrien told her, she was supposed to be the kindest, nicest person in the world. Then again, he might’ve been looking at it through tinted glasses.

“Yup.” The bluenette couldn’t stop herself from commenting. “He decided that the best way to wake you up was to get the miraculi of Ladybug and Black Cat.”

“You nincompoop. That plan was only for when I was dead.” She glared heatedly at her husband and Marinette couldn’t help but be a bit smug. “And you couldn’t get the items from a kid? How many other heroes are there?” 

“Only Chat Noir. He’s my age. And I sometimes call in some help from others.” Marinette supplied quickly. She was having entirely too much fun from watching Emilie tear Hawkmoth a new one. 

“Two kids! You couldn’t defeat two kids! I leave for just one second and you start getting your rear kicked by kids!”

“He also neglected Adrien for the last two years.” Marinette decided to have as much fun as she could while it lasted.

“Gabriel Agreste. You’re officially grounded until I sort this mess. Now take your secretary and leave. I will sort the mess with you later,” she ordered. Her husband could only nod and leave as quickly as possible. 

Marinette was now holding her sides laughing. ”That was amazing. Merci Madame Agreste. I didn’t think I would get to laugh tonight… But this was too good.” 

“Oh sunshine, don’t worry. I will get him in line for you. Whoever decided to let kids fight for them was clearly sick or senile.” 

“Master Fu was… he made some mistakes. I… maybe if I wasn’t so young…”

“It’s not your fault. Whatever you blame yourself for. You shouldn’t have been responsible for Paris. Or whatever else my husband did. I think some time on the couch will do him great.” The woman got up and walked over to pull Marinette into a hug. She then led the girl back to the (now half-open) coffin and seated them both on the edge. “Why don’t you tell me what ails you? I’m sure I can help.” 

For a moment, Marinette looked the woman in the eyes. Then, she started talking. She told her everything.

About a class full of idiots who believed every lie and actively fought against her.

About Lila, who manipulated everyone and did everything to turn her life into a personal version of hell. 

About the teachers, who preferred to let her be walked on then do their jobs.

About her partner, the dorky cat who couldn’t take life seriously and at times was immature. She came to like his antics, but he infuriated her as much as he kept her sane. 

About the so-called heroes, who came into the city and ruined her life.

About the destroyed bakery. The four bodies inside.

“It was her birthday. Today my nonna had her sixtieth birthday. We were celebrating when the Akuma happened. Except the Justice League came. Funny thing. The cure can return anyone killed by magic. It can’t return those killed by aliens tossing cars around.” 

“Do you have any other family?” Emilie asked, worried about the girl. She walked through so much pain in her short life. 

“My uncle… but he lives in Shanghai now. Papa was the only child and Maman moved here from Asia… I’m not sure what will happen next.” The girl revealed. 

“Next? Next, you will come live with us. No strings attached. I have no need for your earrings or other miraculous and I can keep my husband in check. I owe you that much.”

“I… you don’t owe me anything, Madame.” The girl quickly protested. “You’re not responsible for what happened. I don’t blame your family. Those were the American heroes who killed my parents. They were the ones that destroyed half the city. They are the ones to blame,” Marinette informed the woman in a solemn tone. 

“And that’s why I want you to stay with me. With us. I can protect you. Teach you. You can have your vengeance on those who wronged you. I can make you a queen. They will regret the day they wronged you.”

“I… I accept.” Marinette bowed her head.

[flameoutfics]

We’re Only Young and Naive Still Chapter 1

Summary: Nora is the first woman in the NHL, a recent call-up to the Calgary Flames, who has her own reasons for being there, much to the hesitation of her new teammates. As they get to know her though, she’ll find the family she never knew she wanted and sparks fly with a certain-future-captain.  *This fic will update every Monday. 

Nora waited outside the locker room for the rest of the team to join. She had been waiting for them to head out on the ice, knowing that they were in various states of undress behind the other wall. She had scrambled to get changed in the small bathroom that a member of the Avalanche’s front office had led her to. He’d sheepishly told her that this was the best that they could do and Nora had just nodded. She’d had to change in supply closets before in the absence of a women’s restroom close to the ice level. 

Waiting in the empty corridor for the team allowed her anxiety to fester. Nora could only imagine what was going to await her once she got out onto the ice. There were some who were excited for her to become the first female NHL player to ever play a professional game. She knew they had clambered to get tickets, to show the little girls that anything was possible and that they, too, could join the NHL some day. Nora was nervous to step into that role of a role model, but she didn’t mind. It was the other faction, the one who had already mentioned her on Twitter and caused her to change her Instagram settings that worried her. They didn’t want her to play, they didn’t want a woman in the NHL. Nora could only imagine what they would say after her first game, that anything she’d do wouldn’t be good enough, that she was proof of why women didn’t belong in the NHL. Nora was so lost in her thoughts that she was jolted by the sound of the locker room door opening. 

Jacob Markstrom readjusted his goalie mask on his face and headed out to the ice for warm ups. Nora followed close behind until they got to the ice’s edge. 

“You first,” Jacob nodded towards the ice and gently tapped her on the back of her legs with his goalie stick. Nora sighed. It was tradition for players playing their first game to skate the first lap solo, but she’d rather forgo it. Nevertheless, she gritted her teeth and took her first steps onto the ice. For a moment, she hoped that with her hair tucked into her helmet, people wouldn’t recognize her, but as she started to gain momentum the crowd ignited. It was like everyone had an opinion. Sure she heard the cheers, but intermingled with them she heard the boos. To be honest, she wasn’t sure which there was more of. Much to her relief, after the first solo lap, the rest of the team piled on the ice and joined her for warm ups and she felt herself relax as she began to blend in with the other red jerseys. 

Nora played 5:43 in her first NHL game. It wasn’t a lot, but it was a first. Nothing remarkable happened, and the Flames lost 3-1 in the end. It wasn’t an Auston Matthews level debut by any means but it wasn’t bad. She’d completed most of her passes and she’d made all of her line changes. Sutter didn’t play her much, nor did she expect it. She knew how he felt about having her on his team. She’d been great in the AHL racking up points and causing the hockey writers to wonder if she was going to break the glass ceiling and play in the NHL. Then she was brought up to the NHL and started practicing with the team, always being a healthy scratch when the final line up was decided. But the Flames kept losing and Nora knew that there was pressure on Sutter from the front office to play her. She wasn’t naive to the press that would surround her debut, neither was Brad. So, when Sutter finally announced that she was going to play her first NHL game, it wasn’t completely a surprise, but the timing took her off guard. The rest of the team had acknowledged it with polite cheers, but Nora knew that they weren’t thrilled to have her there either. 

She’d sat in the locker room after the game, still fully in her gear while Sutter reamed them. “None of you played well today. Fuck, she played better than half of you and it was her first fucking game,” Sutter said as he pointed Nora out. She felt the cold gaze of the other players turn towards her as Sutter had pretty much just put a target on her back. She drowned the rest of his diatribe out and as she snuck a glance around the room, it looked like the rest of the team was also ignoring him. When he stormed off, Nora finally felt like she could breathe and retreated to the bathroom where she’d gotten dressed. 

She’d only been in there for a few minutes before there was a knock on the door. 

“Nora, they’re going to want you for post-game interviews,” Tanya, the PR rep said, from outside of the bathroom where Nora stripped out of her gear. She was sweaty from the game but knew she’d have to wait until she made it back to the hotel room before she could 

“Okay,” Nora agreed, even though she knew that she was going to be the focus of the interview, “is anyone else going to be there?” 

“Matthew will be too,” Tanya said. Nora sighed to herself but nodded. 

“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute,” Nora said. She wished it was Jacob or even Johnny doing the interview with her instead of Matthew. She didn’t hate him, but she didn’t like him either. Since she’d been called up to practice with the team, he’d coolly ignored her. Most of the guys treated her that way too, with Jacob and Johnny being two exceptions. 

Matthew was already waiting at the table that had been set up for them for press availability. He glanced up at her and nodded in acknowledgement but didn’t say anything. Nora didn’t know what she was expecting. Did she think he’d say ‘hi’ or ‘great job today’? They weren’t friends, they were barely even teammates. 

“Alright, let’s start with the first question,” Tanya said. 

“Nora, how did your first game in the NHL feel?” a reporter asked. It was a softball question and one that Nora appreciated. 

“It was great. It was a dream come true, honestly,” Nora said, “and I’m really fortunate to be able to be here and on such an amazing team to share the game with them.”

“It’s not the result that I’m sure you wished for, though,” the reporter followed up.

“No,” Nora conceded, “I definitely thought that I could have played better, especially in the third period, but Matthew had an amazing goal in the second period, and really it’s just an honor to be here and play a game in the NHL. 

“Any family here today to celebrate your first game with you?” A different reporter asked. 

Nora pasted a smile on her face, “No, unfortunately they couldn’t make it, but I know they were watching from home.” 

“I have a question for Nora…” another reporter started and Nora wished that just one of them could direct their attention to Matthew. 

“Why aren’t you in the NWHL?” a reporter asked. That caused Nora to pause. The answer caught in her throat. She knew that was the question that thousands of people had on their minds. There was a league for female hockey players, a great league, so why wasn’t Nora playing in it? Nora had rehearsed the answer to the inevitable in the mirror for what felt like hundreds of times, but here the words failed her. 

Tanya looked over at her and watched as she floundered for a response. “Sorry,” Nora said as she brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “would you mind repeating the question?”

“Sure, Nora, why aren’t you in the NWHL?” the reporter repeated. 

“I- I-...”

“Alright, I think our time has wrapped up,” Tanya said as she closed out the interview, saving Nora from answering. Once all the reporters left, Nora turned to Tanya. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I couldn’t answer that.”

Tanya smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, “Don’t worry, we can discuss some possible answers and better prepare you for media availability in the future.”

“Thanks,” Nora said. Matthew hadn’t said anything except for the one question directed towards him about his second-period goal. All Nora wanted to do was go back to her hotel room and take a nice warm shower. She didn’t give either of them a chance to say anything and instead headed out and grabbed her coat, knowing her gear would travel with the rest of the team’s. She walked the couple of blocks back to the hotel. She kept her head down, hoping to remain unrecognized by fans who were still lingering by the arena and made it back to her hotel room without running into anyone. She stripped out of her Flames-branded gear and headed for the shower. In the mirror, she could already see bruises starting to develop from where she’d been checked into the boards.  She should have been ecstatic to be playing in the NHL; most people in her position would be, but she didn’t. She just wanted the day to be over and to go to bed. That was what made her sad, that she didn’t care that much about being in the NHL, it was just a means to an end. Before she went to sleep, she took one more look at her phone and reminded herself why she was doing this. She knew why she was playing in the NHL; she just couldn’t say it. 

Nora glanced around the dining room for breakfast the next day looking for a place to sit. It felt like high school all over again. Ideally, she would have sat near Jacob or Johnny, but their tables were all filled so instead she sat in an open seat with some of the other newer players, Elias, and Matthew. They were happily chatting about some football game that Nora knew nothing about. She tried to follow along for a while, but after realizing that she didn’t really have anything to contribute, she hurriedly ate her breakfast and wanted to rush back to her room. She cleared her plate and offered a faint excuse for something she’d forgotten in her room, hoping to leave. It wasn’t like any of them would notice that she was gone anyways. She’d only made it a little ways before she heard footsteps follow her out. 

“What’s your problem?” Matthew asked as he cornered Nora. 

“I don’t have a problem,” Nora said. 

“You could at least try to pretend to be interested in getting along with the team,” Matthew said.

“What are you talking about?” Nora asked. 

“You didn’t come out with us last night,” Matthew said. 

“I wasn’t invited,” Nora answered.

“Everyone was,” Matthew said. 

“Well I wasn’t,” Nora insisted. 

“It was in the group chat,” Matthew said. 

“I’m not in the group chat, so I didn’t see the message,” Nora said. 

“Oh,” Matthew said. 

“Yeah,” Nora said.

Matthew fished out his phone and fiddled around with a few buttons. “There, you should be added now.”

“Thanks,” Nora said. Matthew looked like he was going to say something more but reconsidered. 

“Ready for the flight?” Matthew asked.

“Yeah,” Nora replied, “I’ll be back down soon.” She headed back up to her room and collapsed on the bed, with just a few minutes before she’d have to pack her things for the flight. Against her better judgement she scrolled through the group chat back to previous messages and saw messages from when it had been announced that she’d been called up to the Flames.

Johnny: That girl from the AHL’s being brought up. 

Peter: Really? I didn’t think she was that good.

Elias: She’s on a five-game goal streak.

Matthew: We’re getting a girl on the team? Are we really that bad that they need to bring her up? 

Nora sighed and put her phone away. Tears pricked her eyes as she tried to blink them away. There were other comments like that in the group chat that they hadn’t bothered to delete and Nora read them, wanting to know what her teammates really thought about her. Reactions ranged from ambivalent to disgust, with most somewhere in the middle. There was a knock on the door as a warning to head downstairs and Nora tried to compose herself. 

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked when Nora arrived downstairs with her bag. 

“Yeah, I’m ready to head to Detroit,” Nora replied with a fake smile on her face. 

[the-lonelybarricade]

Loved your latest chapter and Im so excited to see what happens under the mountain!

I was wondering if I could request a one-shot?(up to you how long and you can do it in your own time)something along the lines of:

Feyre( from either ACOWAR, ACOFAS or ACOSF) time travels back to ACOTAR, but instead of finding herself back in her human body i the spring court, she's still in her fae body and ends up trapped in velaris, having to explain to the rest of IC who she is and why she cant go free their highlord(add some mistrust from the IC)

🙈🙈Id its very similar to what youre doing rn with your other fic but, if you find the inspiration sometime could you please do this? Ive wanted to read a fic for ages were feyre rime travels and meets pre-acomaf inner circle who dont know/trust her, but Ive never found a fic like that

Thank youuu

Hi lovely anon! It makes me so happy you enjoyed my latest chapter! I’m supposed to be working on a project for uni, but I couldn’t resist gratifying my lovely friends (because you're anon and won't be notified I was getting sad at the idea of you checking my blog and not seeing me respond) <3 I’ll admit I’m a bit scatterbrained at the moment, so I hope it’s okay!

I was having trouble brainstorming a reason for Feyre getting sent back in time because I didn't want to borrow the reasoning from ACoFD. So I was vague and twisted the pre-existing rules around the Ouroboros, and ended up getting quite carried away with the story since I don’t like not giving things a happy ending (even though it’s a little cheesy, sorry)

Anyway, I hope this is what you were looking for! I know you wanted the angst of not being able to save Rhys but... I couldn't just leave my poor bat-boy behind, you know? ;)

Also if this didn't quite scratch that itch, I'm always happy to take more requests

Word count: 4,446

The Ouroboros.

It was a massive, round disc—as tall as Feyre was. Taller. And the metal around it had been fashioned after a massive serpent, the mirror held within its coils as it devoured its own tail.

Ending and beginning.

From across the room, Feyre could not see it. What lay within.

She forced herself to take a step forward. Another.

The mirror itself was black as night—yet… wholly clear.

She watched herself approach. Watched the arm she had upraised against the wind and snow, the pinched expression on her face. The exhaustion.

She stopped three feet away. She did not dare touch it.

It only showed Feyre herself. Nothing.

Feyre scanned the mirror for any signs of… something to push or touch with her magic. But there was only the devouring head of the serpent, its maw open wide, frost sparkling on its fangs.

Feyre stared and stared, but all she saw was herself. There was nothing else. Then—

Feyre woke with a gasp, sitting up in bed to shake away the cobwebs of sleep and the strange, foreboding feeling that felt draped around her shoulders like a weighted cape, pulling her down. It hadn’t been a particularly horrifying nightmare. In fact, it was perhaps of the tamer dreams she’d had in the last year.

Yet something about it clung to her, perhaps a lingering agitation that she’d yet to retrieve the mirror the Bone Carver had requested. That must be it.

The bed space beside her was cold. The sun peaking through the window was not high, it couldn’t be long past dawn. However worrisome her own dream, her mate’s must have been worse to draw him from sleep so early. Worse still for him to sneak away.

Feyre rose from the bed, reaching absently for Rhysand’s dressing robe to wrap around herself. She always loved to steal her mate’s clothes, to be wrapped in his scent.

With gentle steps, she made her way to the study, where she could only assume Rhys had sequestered himself in the lone hours of the night. She’d noticed the weary draw to his shoulders, the dark circles under his eyes. This war was weighing on him heavily, and he was nervous. Feyre wished he didn’t insist on shouldering the burden alone.

“Rhys?” Feyre called softly as she got to the study, knocking on the door before she cracked it open.

Peeking her head around the door, she was met with the sight of Rhysand’s abandoned study. The scattered papers and war maps that had become characteristic of his desk space were surprisingly missing. In fact, the whole space had been cleared away and there was a thick layer of dust on every surface as if no one had been in here in years.

Feyre frowned at the sight, and how different it had been just the day before. Where had all the dust come from? And more importantly, where was Rhys? Perhaps he’d taken a morning flight to clear his head.

Where are you, love? She called to him through the mating bond, but was met with silence.

“Who are you?”

The voice was cold and venomous. Feyre turned, coming face to face with Mor, whose face was twisted into a threatening scowl.

“Mor?” Feyre asked, confused by her friend’s cold demeanor. “What do you mean? Have you seen Rhys?”

Mor’s face turned deadly, a look Feyre had only ever seen from Mor in the Court of Nightmares. “Is that some kind of joke?” she snarled.

Then, before Feyre could process what was happening, Mor had gripped onto Feyre’s wrist and they were enveloped in darkness. They stepped into the House of Wind, into the dining room where Cassian and Azriel abruptly stood up.

“Mor?” Feyre questioned when the blonde didn’t release her steel grip. She looked to Cassian and Azriel quizzically. “Guys? What’s going on?”

Cassian crossed his arms, assessing Feyre with a hostility that put her on edge. “Who’s this, Mor?” he asked gruffly.

Feyre frowned as she watched Azriel reach for Truth-Teller.

“Is this a joke?” she asked, flitting her eyes to each of her friends. Where she sought that friendly warmth in each of their gazes she was met with hard stares, filled with distrust, ready for a brawl. She couldn’t make sense of it. Was this an act Rhys had put them up to?

“I found her in the townhouse,” Mor said. “I don’t know how she got in there. She was in Rhysand’s study.”

“And she’s wearing his dressing gown,” Azriel noted dryly. Cassian did a double glance, his eyes going wide, then narrowing with a rage Feyre had never seen from the male. Certainly never directed at her.

There was a whisper of shadow, then suddenly Azriel was behind her, Truth-Teller poised at her throat.

Feyre startled. “Azriel!” she said sharply. Even if it was a joke, Feyre couldn’t imagine Rhysand would sanction this kind of threat. And the energy in the room was off, the tension too thick. “Stand down.”

“And who are you,” he breathed in her ear, his voice coated in shadow and nightmare, “to command the Shadowsinger of the Night Court?”

“I’m your High Lady,” Feyre answered steadily, not letting Azriel’s shadows, nor cunning voice, shake her resolve. “Now, I don’t know what is going on with the three of you, or what strange joke you’re trying to pull, but you will listen to what I say. Put. Your. Knife. Down.”

“High Lady?” Cassian repeated with a snort of disbelief. “You’ve got balls, little girl.”

Truth-Teller danced across the skin of her neck, pressing lightly enough to intimidate without breaking skin. “Do you even know to whom you speak? You should be bowing before the acting Queen of the Night Court.”

Too stunned to properly resist, Azriel kicked his feet out to knock Feyre to her knees in front of Mor. His fingers slid into her hair, gripping it tightly to pull her head back as Truth-Teller resumed its threatening position at her throat.

“Breaking into the High Lord’s personal residence, impersonating a high position within the Night Court, lying to the Morrigan’s face,” Azriel listed, increasing the pressure of the blade with each transgression. “You throw our High Lord’s generosity and protection in his face, something we as his acting Court do not take lightly.”

“Acting court? Acting Queen?” Feyre repeated, feeling as if she’d woken to a different reality. “What are you talking about? Where’s Rhysand!?”

“We’re the ones asking the questions here,” Cassian growled.

Feyre looked to each of her friends, studying their faces. Beyond their militant expression, she could see their grief. Could smell it. She repeated, “where is Rhysand?”

She felt the snarl that rumbled through Azriel’s chest behind her, vibrating against her back. When the question was once again unanswered, Feyre abandoned all sense of patience.

Darkness exploded through the room. She heard Mor gasp as the walls of the House shook from the might of her power. Feyre folded into the shadows, winnowing out of Azriel’s grasp so she stood in the center of the three of them.

“Az, Cass, Mor, you are my friends and I do not want to hurt you. But I am also your High Lady and you will answer me this instant, where is Rhys? Where is my mate!?”

Siphons gleamed red and blue through the thick tendrils of night, illuminating the Illyrian males’ faces. Cassian’s jaw had fallen open, while Azriel was studying her through narrowed eyes, wisps of shadow surrounding him. Feyre wondered what they were whispering to him.

“Mate?” Cassian echoed, the first to break the heavy silence.

Mor took a cautious step forward, her countenance completely changed. Her pupils were blown wide, twin brown depths churning with sorrow and gentle astonishment. Azriel went rigid at Mor’s approach, but no one moved to stop her as she came face to face with Feyre.

“Where did you get this?” she whispered, taking Feyre’s left hand, eye fixed on her mating band. On the sapphire-star ring that once belonged to Rhysand’s mother.

All eyes befell the subject of Mor’s attention. Cassian swore softly in recognition.

“It’s my mating band,” Feyre answered measuredly, still puzzled that the inner circle, her family, didn’t seem to have any memory of it. Nor of her. “I won it from the Weaver, as was the task set by Rhysand’s mother. But you were all there for that. I don’t understand what’s going on. Where. Is. Rhys?”

“Under the Mountain,” Mor whispered, her voice soft and pained.

The darkness ebbed away like a receding tide. Feyre felt her heart sink as she tried to process this information. “He—What?”

“He’s been Under the Mountain for the last 50 years,” Mor said, firmer this time. “And if you were his so-called mate, you would know that.”

“No,” Feyre said, shaking her head vehemently. “No, that’s impossible. We got out. We—”

This was a nightmare. It had to be a nightmare, and she just hadn’t woken up from it.

“Amarantha’s dead,” Feyre insisted, mostly in an attempt to console the unparalleled grief and panic that were raging inside her. “She’s dead, and Rhys and I got out.”

The grim faces of her friends said otherwise. They stared at her, in unbearable mixtures of pity and horror.

“I think she’s having a mental break,” Cassian said, not unkindly. “Should we get a healer?”

“Let me show you,” Feyre said meekly, casting her magic out to tap on their mental shields.

They all tensed, clearly not aware they’d been in the presence of a daemati. Trained well by Rhys, they all cracked their shields just enough for Feyre to send her conjured memories through. She showed them going Under the Mountain as a human, winning the trials and being resurrected, falling in love with Rhys, and eventually becoming High Lady of the Night Court. In turn, the three of them pushed back their own memories, of the current state of the world. Of Rhysand sacrificing himself so that his Court and Velaris would be safe.

A sob broke out of Feyre. “How is this possible? How am I here?”

It was Azriel who immediately went for the jugular. “More importantly, if you’re here as a High Fae, how is Rhys going to get out? How do we stop Amarantha?”

Feyre fell to her knees, grief-stricken by this realization. She was no longer human. She couldn’t stride in as Tamlin’s human lover and undergo the trials. Feyre had her powers, but they were untested. Would she be able to take on the whole of Amarantha’s court?

“What do I do? How do I save him?” she whimpered, staring in mute horror at her mating band.

Mor tentatively reached forward, laying a comforting hand on Feyre’s shoulder. “Rhys sacrificed himself to keep the people he loves safe. He wouldn’t want you getting yourself killed trying to save him.”

“I have to try,” Feyre answered desperately. “Amarantha she’s…” Feyre couldn’t bring herself to say the word, rape. Not to his family, who wear his sacrifice for them like an open wound. “She’s doing unspeakable things to him. He’s suffering so much. I can’t leave him to that fate. I have to try.”

With renewed conviction, Feyre accepted Mor’s outstretched hand and picked herself to her feet. “Rhys said it himself once. Amarantha’s biggest weapon is that she keeps the High Lord’s power contained. She can’t access them herself. But I… I have access to all the High Lords’ powers. And that bitch has my mate. My wrath will be plenty to take her down.” She faced her friends, who watched her warily. “You have my word as your High Lady,” she swore to them. “The High Queen of Prythian is going to fall by the night’s end.”

⟡⟡⟡

Winter had not yet fallen in the Mortal Lands. Feyre wondered if across the world, there was a version of herself curled in a bed with her sisters, clinging to any shred of warmth and survival.

That version of Feyre was very different from the version who strode up the sloping hills of the Spring Court with Azriel by her side. Rhys would be furious that Feyre had allowed him to accompany her. Should anything go wrong, it would destroy her mate to know his family had been put in harm's way after everything he’d done to protect them. Which was why it was only Azriel who came with, the only compromise she could reach with his Inner Circle, who insisted on coming with.

Who better to sneak into the Mountain with than the very soldier who taught Feyre the art of stealth. He was the obvious choice, since Mor needed to stay to rule the Night Court and Cassian was too heavy-handed to handle such a delicate task.

Their footfall was silent. Feyre wrapped them in the shadow of Night as they winnowed through the cave network. Her heart hammered in her chest, panicked to be back in the source of so many nightmares.

But Rhysand was more important than her fear. For him, she would not falter.

With the Shadowsinger by her side, Feyre snuck through the winding tunnels until she came to a familiar passageway. They slid into a massive, dark bedroom, lit only by a few candles.

To attack Amarantha in the throne room would be too messy. Too many variables to contend with, should Amarantha have enough wit about her to use any faeries as a shield. Especially Rhysand.

After several hours of waiting, the lock on the door clicked and swung open. Darkness swirled around the room as Rhysand took in the sight of Feyre and Azriel on the bed.

Immediately, the door slammed shut.

“No,” he whispered, voice dripping with horror. “No.”

“Rhys—” Feyre started, but her mate wasn’t paying any attention to her. He was looking at Azriel as if his whole world had shattered.

“Leave,” he said, his voice cold and commanding. This was no happy reunion between brothers. This was Rhysand’s worst nightmare. “Leave this instant, you stupid fool. That is, if you’re lucky enough to have avoided detection when you passed under her wards.”

“I took down the wards,” Feyre said. They weren’t particularly strong, either. Amarantha had gotten lazy, perhaps thinking herself secure with the only spell-cleaver under her control. Or so she believed.

Rhys turned that quiet fury towards her. “And who are you?”

“Your mate,” Feyre answered steadily, tipping her chin up.

Rhysand laughed. A desperate, humorless sound. “Then you are just as foolish as my idiot brother. And you have both sealed your deaths by being here. Do you understand that?”

Feyre scratched along those familiar adamantite shields. Rhys’s eyes flickered in surprise, but otherwise he looked unruffled as he cracked a sliver open for her.

It would be unwise to underestimate me, mate.

I wouldn’t be going around boasting about such a thing, if what you claim is even true, came his icy response. And I wouldn’t count on a few party tricks to save you, either.

And what if I told you, she purred, that I possess the power of all seven High Lords?

That, at least, garnered a reaction from the stoic male. He narrowed his eyes in disbelief, studying Feyre carefully. His gaze caught on her hands, at the lace tattoos that flowed to her fingers. And the mating band she still wore.

Feyre watched those violet eyes go wide, the silver constellations dancing in astonishment at the sight of his mother’s ring.

Where did you get that?

It’s a long story, love, but you’re going to have to trust me. She lowered her mental shields completely. Have a look for yourself. I’m telling you no lies. I am your High Lady, and I am here to free my husband.

She felt those familiar talons wrap around her mind. A foolish thing to do, to give a daemati unrestricted access to her mind. And if it were anyone but Rhys, it would have been. But his touch was gentle, and he took only the information he needed.

“I don’t understand how this is possible,” he whispered, breaking the silence of the room. Azriel had been waiting patiently, but looked relieved to be included in the conversation once more. “And I hate that you’ve put yourselves in danger for this, but it could work.”

Rhys considered for a long moment, then he looked between Feyre and Azriel and said, “do it when she’s sleeping. That bitch has been playing dirty for 50 years, you might as well level the playing field to give yourselves the best chance. Let’s do it tonight. I’ll leave the door unlocked, wear her out, and signal you once she’s asleep. Her spell prevents me from harming her, but I’ll make sure she’s restrained. All you have to do is drive the ash dagger through her heart, but have your magic ready for damage control.”

⟡⟡⟡

Feyre and Azriel waited in Rhysand’s bedchambers for his signal. There was a revelry tonight, as there was every night Under the Mountain, and Rhys was expected to be in attendance. Afterwards, he’d join Amarantha in her bed and make sure she was, in his words, “thoroughly exhausted”.

It was torturous for Feyre. To know exactly what the implication in those words were, to have to use her mate’s body in such a way. She wanted to roar at the Mountain, at the Cauldron, at anything that would listen, but instead she was next to the quiet, brooding Shadowsinger, and lamented in silence.

She’d begged Rhys to reconsider, to perhaps help them stage a more physical encounter that didn’t rely on his own suffering. But he’d denied any plan but the one he’d proposed, insisting it would cause him more anguish to but Feyre and Azriel in harm's way.

So they waited the long, agonizing hours until she felt a delicate pull at her chest. She’s asleep, Rhys called. Be on your guard.

He sent her directions to Amarantha’s bedchambers. There were guards outside, but Feyre and Azriel winnowed past them, cloaked in night and shadow.

Amarantha’s bedchambers were huge. Feyre had never been inside them before, but she was unsurprised to see they provided any luxury a High Queen could wish for.

Atop a large bed of red, silken sheets, lay her mate and Amarantha, both stark naked. The smell of sex clung to the air, Rhysand and Amarantha’s scents intertwined. Feyre thought she might be sick.

Even more sickening was the sight before her, of Amarantha’s arms restrained to the headboard in cloth. A clever way for Rhys to restrain her under the guise of sex, but horrifying nonetheless, to see the proof of what they’d been up to. The female was fast asleep, so convinced of her authority that she could fall asleep tied-up and not feel vulnerable doing so. How satisfying, Feyre thought, that such arrogance would be her downfall.

Feyre warded the room, putting up a shield of darkness so that no sound would break through to alert the guards. Rhys watched their approach warily from where he perched beside Amarantha, so still Feyre was convinced he held his breath.

He wouldn’t risk moving to wake her up, which terrified Feyre. Should something go wrong, her mate would be susceptible to Amarantha’s wrath. Naked, vulnerable, and completely under her control. It was such a dangerous game they were playing.

The room was as quiet and still as the bewitching hours of the night, their footsteps silent as they picked across the room. Azriel held the ash dagger. If Rhys could not kill Amarantha, his brother wanted to do it on his behalf. Meanwhile, Feyre summoned tendrils of night that carefully wrapped around Amarantha’s legs, slithering up her body like a snake, ready to constrict and restrain.

The female stirred in her sleep, perhaps feeling the ghostlike touch of Feyre’s magic. But she did not wake. Not as Azriel raised the dagger over her chest, and not as he plunged it down.

Amarantha’s eyes shot open as the dagger pierced her chest. She let out a shriek of agony and ire, moving to claw at her attacker. She raged against the restraints, spewing obscenities until they died at her lips as the blade sunk into her heart.

Rhysand’s chest was heaving as he watched the female still, then slump. He looked from her dead body, to Azriel and Feyre.

Feyre’s heart sank as she watched her mate process that it was truly over. There wasn’t a trace of elation in his eyes at being liberated, but she understood why. Rhys would finally be returning home, but as a much different man than the one he had been. He’d survived, but not unscathed, and he’d need time to process this.

Feyre came to him, reached towards her mate with the hand that bore his mother’s ring. Rhys looked to it, then up to her. His eyes were clouded with sorrow, with a melancholy she could only hope to chip away at in time. But she could see stirring beneath it was a breath of hope, perhaps the first he’d allowed himself in a long time.

“Let’s go home, Rhys,” she said gently.

Slowly, Rhysand nodded, moving to grasp her hand. She felt him jolt at the touch and, as she glanced at him questioningly, she saw his lips part in wonder.

I suppose you weren’t lying about being my mate, he whispered, the words a sensual brush in her mind. Thank you for coming to rescue me, High Lady.

Feyre grasped onto Azriel, and together the three of them stepped into darkness.

Then, they were above the House of Wind, tumbling through the night sky. Feyre unfurled her wings before Rhys could move to catch them, worried that her mate would struggle after 50 years without flight.

Both males stared in astonishment at the sight. Rhysand’s eyes danced in awe as Feyre, albeit clumsily, carried them to the training ring on the roof.

Rhys snapped his own wings open as they landed. Feyre watched him tilt his head back in rapture as he felt the wind against his wings for the first time in decades. Then he opened his eyes, his expression shifting to reverence as he beheld the night sky.

“I was beginning to think I’d never see it again,” he whispered, his voice a heartbreaking blend of exaltation and disbelief. “And for this gift… for my salvation to be courtesy of my mate and of my brother… I’m a bit overwhelmed,” he admitted sheepishly.

Feyre hesitated. If this was the Rhysand from before, the one to which she was mated and married, she would come to comfort him. But this version of Rhys had only just been freed from enslavement, and she didn’t know what he needed.

As though sensing her hesitation, Rhys cast his eyes back to the sky. “I know they’re all waiting for me downstairs, but I’d like a little bit of time with the stars. Will you let them know, Az?”

Azriel nodded, though he seemed conflicted. His reunion with his brother was perhaps not as merry as the male had expected. But right now, she knew the Inner Circle would hardly deny Rhys anything. Perhaps for a long while yet. So Azriel headed downstairs to inform their friends, who were sure to be anxiously awaiting their arrival.

Rhysand regarded Feyre carefully once the two of them were alone. “Mate and High Lady,” he mused. “You seem to wear many hats.”

“You forgot ‘wife’,” Feyre said lightly.

“Yes, and ‘Salvation’, ‘Queen Killer’, ‘Most Beautiful Female in Prythian’, it seems there’s many things I could call you. Could we start with your name, perchance?”

Feyre was shocked. She’d assumed he’d taken such information out of her mind earlier, but it seems he’d been even more respectful than she’d expected.

“Feyre,” she answered. “My name is Feyre.”

He looked wonderstruck. “Feyre,” he repeated, testing the name on his lips. A gentle smile curled at the corners of his mouth, the first she’d seen from him yet. He extended his hand towards her. “Would you like to watch the stars with me, Feyre?”

It was an offer she couldn’t refuse. Her hand found his with all the casual grace of a dancer, as if it were a routine they’d been perfecting their whole lives. Their fingers interlocked and as one, they stared up at the dazzling night sky.

This reality wasn’t perfect, Feyre thought. This Rhys was different from her own, and he still had a lot of healing to do. But if she could be there for him, to help him in a ways she hadn’t before, then she would be grateful to the strange eddies of the Cauldron for bringing her here. For allowing her to end his torment early. For giving them this extra time.

She watched a shooting star dart across the sky and smiled as it passed. There was nothing she could wish for except that her mate find peace in all that he’d endured the last half century.

His deep, velvety voice cut through the silence. “Do you often wish on stars, Feyre?”

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He was watching her with a heart-wrenching wistfulness.

“Only when I have a wish worthy of the stars.”

“And do you?”

Feyre looked to the northernmost star, which shined brightest in the sky. “I wished for a light in the darkness,” she told him. “I don’t think the stars would ever begrudge such a wish.”

Rhysand nodded solemnly. “It’s true that they would be begrudging themselves in doing so. But I see no need for you to wish for such a thing.”

Feyre looked to him. He was still watching her, but something in him had shifted. He was smiling at her gently, that lingering sadness already receding. “Why’s that?” she asked cautiously.

That gentle smile widened, showing off his brilliant teeth. “Why, Feyre, to find such a thing, all you’d need to do is look in a mirror.”

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz