#IT WOULD BE FUNNY

[spirits-n-giggles]

Must.... conclude.... Beetlejuice story.... after.... 2nd.... movie....

Go on this journey with me.

Picture it:

A few years go by, Astrid is a young adult now.

Astrid and Lydia had become inseperable, immediately moving in with her mom after their Halloween from hell, but she eventually talks about wanting to experience dorm life for her first year of college. Lydia is happy for her daughter but is now afraid of being alone, not entirely sure with what might happen with so many dreams since the resurgence of 🪲he who shall not be named🪲 - and I want them to use that line as much as they used "keepin' it real."

The house on the hill will become internationally known as the notorious "Lydia Deets' Haunted Arthouse", she doesn't have her show anymore, but that didn't stop her reputation from growing exponentially after the Halloween fiasco. People wanna buy this property for millions of dollars, but Lydia will be too afraid of whatever might happen to anyone, should they ever meet the demon from her nightmares, so she keeps the house by using some of Delia's fame funds to keep the home in their name - something Delia would HATE lol- but Lydia doesn't wanna actually be in the house.

Betelgeuse is stuck in the underworld, trying to hide from a revived Delores that continues to terrorize the afterlife only now she is destroying the place. If the Sandworm can't kill Betelgeuse, how tf is it gonna kill Delores? Wolf Jackcon is of course on the case, but things are getting out of hand. This makes Betlegeuse a prime target for anyone with a soul that might wanna rat him out. And there are PLENTY who wanna rat him out. Trying to find a way out or a way to kill the broad, he has to get creative as he stays in hiding. And where is the place to hide? In a certain model town in a certain model home.

Rory will be undead and use his winning personality to act like he worships the ground Delores walks on so she doesn't suck out his soul. She will say she wants Betelgeuse and wants to kill Lydia. He is cool with that and says he will help her achieve that goal. He will then become her lacky and tell her how pretty and perfect she is to keep the target off his back. He will be terrified of her, but this will gradually make her love Rory, and this can cause some potential fun for future scenes.

Lydia has nightmares that always involve Betlegeuse, even including some wacky cartoon adventures from the show, but they'll be creepy and dark and stop-motion because Burton. She tries therapy, but it will end up being a bust. It's hard finding the right therapist with someone as much truama as her. OH MY GOD HAVE MICHAEL KEATON PLAY THIS CHARACTER!!!!! AND it will freak her out thinking she's seeing Betlegeuse everywhere!

This will cause her to become a shut-in after getting rich off the royalties of selling her personal story - a melodrama of love and the loss of two parents after a lifetime of hauntings. She sells this story to various people who want to write it into something. She will end up reading raving reviews about a live theater production of her story called "Ghost House" or "Scared Sheetless" after a graphic novel that was released or some shit. Supernatural levels of meta. Might as well!!! 😂

After a particular dream that ruffles Lydia awake in her own apartment, (the dream at the end of movie 2 maybe?) something strange will happen to the house on the hill, causing Lydia to go back and figure it out. Astrid will hear of this. Not wanting her mom to be there alone, she goes with her to help solve the mystery. Lydia thinks she knows what (or who) it is and doesn't want Astrid to come along, but she does anyway.

Hiding there in the model, Betelgeuse will see that Lydia and her daughter have returned, thinking she's finally come to her senses and come back to him lol. Betelgeuse gets desperate and gets Lydia's attention in the best way he knows how - dreams. They've got a phychic connection, right? And he's done it plenty of times, but now it's for business as well as pleasure.

It would be some kind of earthquake that shakes the hill. Being careful and walking around whatever damage was mysteriously done, some locals say its another haunting and they want to tear the house down and make something new. Aatrid can hear these comments and relay them to her mom. This will start making Lydia curious about the history of the hill this house was built on, especially since it's so close to the graveyard (the same place Betlegeuse was buried in the model in movie 1)

So she goes on a hunt in the small town, expands it a little. She can maybe even find the Mainlends old shop? This can parallel with expanding the afterlife a little too, while Betlegeuse is trying to find allies. Betelgeuse tries to round up anyone he knows that he can trust literally anyone from the past - gotta bring Catherine O'Hara and Gena Davis back, right? Stop motioning her in as a ripple in dimensional shifts or something and just use her voice. Richard would help as a thanks for helping his kid in the past. And I KNOW we can get Bob back if we tried.

Lydia can end up learning about some of Betlegeuse's history - finds a picture of an eerily familiar couple - but all this place knows is that they were only two of the many that were tossed in mass graves on this land centuries back but they don't know details other than they came from Italy. She will make it a mission to go to their original resting place to try to get more info. She's rich. She can do that. (Their love story was in Italy, right?)

Getting there, Lydia learns the urban legend of a murder suicide of some nutorious bad couple who was known for terrorizing the nights in their hellrsising escepades, but after they were dead and buried, the two lovers corpses, along with many other discarded corpses of dead evil people, were moved out of their original land and brought to several new places to be buried. Some corpses were even sold illegally to cargo ships, anything to get rid of the unwanted bad individuals so they could bring in the industrial revolution. There will be several names, but two will stand out along with a picture.

Delores and another name that's crossed out. Make it Lawrence, lol. Isn't that Betlegeuse's name in the cartoon?

"Betlegeuse?" Lydia whispers.

"MOM!"

"S-sorry."

Astrid tags along with her mother, happy to travel and hunt creepy shit again. Her dad would be proud. This time she won't meet a boy but maybe a girl who was also doing her own research for school. Jeremy was technically her first experience with a boy, and it's possible to stray away from reminders of bad experiences and kids experiment at this age anyway. It will be a cute goth girl who is a fan of Lydia's old show and is one of the first girls Astrid's age to ever actually be nice to her. A nice connection. This could also be a ploy to pull Lydia back into BJs world again, too - yay twists! She can maybe be an illegal ghost girl looking for help from Lydia because she thinks she can help everyone in the afterlife.

Underworld is in chaos, and here is a rift between worlds after so many souls had been taken from the afterlife. There's no more order, and reality is breaking, and the only way to get everything back in order is to destroy the soul sucker and release the souls she has absorbed. The more she absorbs, the more power she gets.

They get home, and another shift happens between worlds, and with so much death in the afterlife, it's causing serious problems in the real world and Astrid has an idea to maybe call someone for help. Lydia shuts it down. But more rifts and earthquakes happen. She will have another dream of him trying to get her to call his name. And maybe she can awaken in a living nightmare caused by the rift between worlds, and they are both almost is almost killed (by a sandworm, why tf not!!!) before calling Betlegeuse for help.

Get real 'out there' and put those practical affects to good use and let the shenegins begin! As much as I love watching Betelgeuse try to marry Lydia, there is no attempt at marriage this time. There's too much to do. "I just saved your life, now you can help me save mine and finally kill that soul sucking witch for good"

Have him turn into a tour guide as he shows off different aspects of the afterlife, while the three of them run from people who have allied themselves with Delores to find Betlegeuse.

Imagine the reunion of seeing Rory with Delores. Imagine crazy shit that can magically appear to help end the story. Hell, have the goth girl Astrid meets to come back and redeem herself at the end. I dunno. She can appear and admit to being Delores daughter (before meeting Betelgeuse) and thats why she was at the same place Lydia and Astrid went in Italy to find answers- she was too.

This relationship can parallel Lydia and Astrid's positive one- have Delores sacrifice her daughter to start her sacrificial rite for power, and her daughter never forgive her (I swear I am just pulling this out of my ass) have the girl hold vengence for her mom and she can give Lydia the dagger that her mother Delores killed her with that still has the young girl's cursed blood on it. Dhe says to use it to kill Delores, but Betelgeuse is the only one strong enough who can get close enough to do it.

With so much chaos and so many souls taken, anything can happen in the underworld, and chaos ensues. Maybe even break in to see glinpses of the afterlife, a glimpse of hell and see how Jeremy is being tortured (it will be a silly Tim burton way). They can see part of the great beyond maybe Delia too? They meet Delores and she will say she is over Betelgeuse, and happy with her new pet Rory, but wants to keep "the juice" alive to torture him, satisfied with the new power she's gained.

Lydia will give Betelgeuse the dagger so he can pop her like a bubble and all the souls she's consumed will escape and go back to their soul holders. But why waste energy killing Betelgeuse when Delores can just use him? She is able to levitate him up but Lydia pulls him back down. Getting angry, Delores grows in size to show her strength, so Lydia will get a plan -

"Oh... you're not into him anymore, huh? So... you wouldn't care if I did this?" And she pulls that fucker in to kiss him. (This feels very Phantom of the Opera coded.....) Just a peck is enough for Delores to RAGE and she goes full attack mode. She goes after Lydia and Beletgeuse steps in front of her and kills Delores with whatever magical shit her dead vengegful goth daughter supplied, lol.

End it with Lydia being recruited by Wolf Jackson to find those who have been lost in the real world or something. Make it to where she and Betelgeuse have to work together to keep the plane between the living and the dead closed with her as the keeper of the house.

Have the house be the main character in the end!!!!

He'll then say, "So, you'll kiss me but you won't marry me? I get it-" He'll try to pull her in for another kiss, but she'll push him away.

"Nooo! No-" He lets her shove him to the floor, "I just knew something like that would save your ass." She wipes her hands clean of him. "You're welcome." He quickly jumps back up. "I know jealousy when I see it."

"Mmhm," he inches closer to her, but she crosses her arms looking away, seemingly uninterested.

She starts the countdown to make him leave.

"Betelgeuse..."

"I can wait, honey. I know you want me." He flexes as he slowly walks away with pride. "No one can resist the juice once they've had a taste." He winks. Astrid groans for her mother, but she just looks to him like she always does.

"Betelgeuse..."

"You'll wanna kiss me again." He holds his arms out in his iconic way. "I got all the time in the world." He thinks this is his end.

"Betelgeuse."

Turns out when killing the spirit of the soul sucking witch, the souls did escape, but her power needed to be absorbed by someone, and Betelgeuse didn't... really... need.... help with obtaining more power, did he?

Saying his name will do something... but it's no disappearing act.

Would he be like demi-god state now? Why the hell not? Give me an Aatarion evil ending kind of transformation. Give me love and deepspace realness. Go the whole nine and make him HOT AND SCARY in the end. Michael Keaton is attractive. It's doable! Antihero status! Make it wild! Demigod!!!! Imagine THAT being interested in you, Lydia. I don't think you'd say no. 👀

Throw in a musical number somewhere, and justice for Bob and you have a lovely story.

There. Done.

I don't think a 3rd will be made, and if there is one, I don't think it would be this ^ stupid! Lol

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

Jason Kicks down Dick’s apartment door with a duffle bag in hand: turns out it’s not going to work out with Danny.

Dick about to enjoy some Chinese: oh no I thought you were really into him.

Jason, sitting down with a huff: I am but it’s just not going to work out.

Dick: what happened jason?

Jason: I fucked up that’s what.

Jason: he kissed me.

Jason: and afterwards, I panicked

Jason: and, just exclaimed “golly!”

Dick, trying to not keep a straight face:…

Jason: I said it very loudly..

Dick: oh jason-

Jason clutching a pillow: I can’t step foot into crime alley again Dick, I’m going to have to burn my bridges, start over-

Dick, lightly chuckling: it’s not that bad-!

Jason, into the pillow: just put me back into my casket!!

[little-pondhead]

[multiverse-singularity]

Love how Lost Legends said that they're both criminals but in completely different places. Both twins are smart and criminals, let them commit crimes together please.

Extra frame-

[the-sword-lesbian]

Okay Stardew Valley peeps hear me out.

I know a lot of us like to use the farmhand cabins for extra storage. And with the introduction of 8 person multiplayer that means you can now put 7!!! farmhand cabins on your farm.

But I’m still going somewhere with this.

So they added some new cabin designs so that everyone doesn’t have to have the same look if they don’t want it.

And this

Is one of the new “cabin” designs.

So what I’m saying is we should plot out a corner of our farms with 7 of these and decorate it like a trailer park.

[a-hazbin-reader]

HEAR ME OUT (i love him)

Just Alastor:

[xhanisai]

i think we as a fandom should do a little more exploring of Adrien having imposter syndrome with every single one of his personas, including his civilian one.

[possuminnit]

i hope tommyinnit says faggot live before ranboo does

[prisonhannibal]

I wish daniel molloy was real so I could follow him on twitter

[nychthemeron-rants]

I have a theory/ headcanon for why Chilchuck was so comfortable tossing around half-foot Marcille during the first changeling situation, despite HATING that kind of treatment himself and being an advocate against the infantilization of half-foots.

Chilchuck mentions that if Marcille is going to age like a half-foot, she has less than 40 years. Specifically mentioning she has less than 40 years left suggests she's somewhere in her teens as a half-foot. Assuming her equivalent tall-man age is 20, she'd be 16 as a half-foot. Which just so happens to be about how old Meijack and Flertom are.

So my theory/ headcanon is that Chilchuck got solid confirmation that Marcille is the same maturation as his daughters at the same time as her struggling to cope with her new body in both mundane and combat situations so his dad instincts take over and he starts treating her with the same familiarity he'd treat his daughters if they were struggling/ putting themselves in danger.

[gecko-in-a-can]

I’m not saying I WANT it to happen, but if they’re making a season 2 of the fallout show it would be really funny if they got Danny Trejo to reprise his role as Raúl

[feroluce]

SO LIKE. As much as I roll with the Emanator of Elation Sampo theory, I do have. Some doubts about this specific instance of it. Not that I think Boothill is lying, or that I think Sampo isn't an Emanator, but I wonder if the person Boothill actually met was Sampo.

Just! Sampo is so careful. The only reason we even knew he wasn't of Belobog was due to a dialogue-dependent fourth wall-breaking dream sequence that no other character could have seen. It took a missable dream bubble in an out-of-the-way spot that was seemingly left only for the trailblazer at the very end of a side mission just to confirm him as a Masked Fool. Like it's not just the fact that Boothill mentions this person being an Emanator. It's that he knows they're also a Masked Fool, which is also something Sampo is incredibly dodgy about. Sparkle even seems to call him out on this in her party join line fjkdjaskldj

((But also, Boothill, baby. WHY were you trying to get them drunk????))

And regardless of if you believe him when he calls himself an old timer, he obviously has a lot of experience in doing what he does. He knows what he's doing, he's good at it, and he is viciously capable and competent, unfortunately for his victims smhznskdn

So it just. Feels very unlike him, for him to let his guard down enough to not only let himself get drunk in front of Boothill-

a total stranger btw whom Sampo has absolutely no reason to trust, and a dangerous Galaxy Ranger to boot who has plenty of blood on his hands and a significant bounty on his head

-but to get SO drunk that he lets loose the secret that he's an Emanator.

When Boothill brings this up, he mentions that if Emanators were obvious and known at a glance, it would lead to atrocities. And for as much as Sampo is disliked by his victims (there's an entire anti-Sampo organization in Belobog JFDKLASJFDL), it's all for fraud. He's wanted by the IPC as an intergalactic thief. He scams people out of their money, and only rich people at that. That's mostly all that he's known for. Nothing he does is violent, even though Sampo surely has the capacity to inflict a lot of harm.

And I don't mean that he's exactly a pacifist or anything; Firefly comments that Sampo seems like a highly skilled covert fighter. His voicelines make it sound like he enjoys combat- hell, his ult line makes him sound like a hitman. I like to hc him as being a pretty high ranker in the fighting rings at the World's End Tavern, like we see in the Simulated Universe occurrences.

But I don't think he would enjoy being the cause of uncontrollable violence and bloodshed.

Like yeah he's a dick who scams people on the regs for funsies, but he has lines he refuses to cross, which we see a lot of in how he interacts with Sparkle. More than just not enjoying it, I think he would hate it if he were found out and it caused an incident, especially since he seems so endeared to Belobog and her people now and it looks like he plans to return there. He wouldn't want to bring any of that back to them.

So I just can't imagine him carelessly fucking up bad enough to out himself to a random stranger that could easily put a bullet right through his head.

Sparkle maybe could, though.

Because as we find out later the dreamscape had expanded FAR beyond what it seemed, far enough that the trailblazer had been dreaming since the warp jump in. Most people enter it unknowingly, and don't realize they're already dreaming when they think they're still awake. Boothill and Dan Heng should have already been dreaming during their exchange on the Express that started all this.

And as long as someone knows they're dreaming, completely changing their appearance is easy, even for the common layman. We see this with a couple of NPCs and also Sparkle herself, with her (in)famous impression of Sampo.

Thank youuuuu Sparkle

And yeah, the trailblazer and almost all of the other characters wouldn't know about the expansion until near the very end. None of them realized they were dreaming even outside of their dream pools, and surely none of them would think to be suspicious of another person's appearance outside of the dreamscape like that.

But Sparkle has a script from Silver Wolf.

She knew all the secrets of the dreamscape, and she knew them from the very beginning. There would have been nothing stopping her from appearing as Sampo in front of Boothill and spilling all his secrets.

And she apparently has a long-standing history with Sampo, including trying to get him in on her own much more fiery and aggressive version of Elation.

Maybe all Sampo needs is to be outed as an Emanator, and then when all the violence and bloodshed catches up to him, then he'll finally understand! ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩

[spidey-webs]

Edgy DC stuff like Suicide Squad and Injustice are always like "what if the Justice League was EVIL and the bad guys had to KILL them" and then present their designated protagonists with the lamest evil Justice League ever. That's a cop-out. Cowardice. Make them fight Parallax.

[science-lings]

AU where Phoenix is a drama teacher and Edgeworth is an English teacher and they’re both really weird about Shakespeare

Or

drama teacher!Phoenix and dance teacher! Edgeworth have to work together for a high school play without trying to kill each other (it gets real fuckin close)

[valeovalairs]

They shouldn’t tell us when Riptide comes back. Just no warning drop it on us one random day. Surprise. Chaos ensues.

[sidus-viat0r]

cannibal hoffman is a thought i’ve been thinking of in my brain where i think thoughts