#ITS SO DUMB AND IM ACTIVELY AWARE ITS DUMB I JUST HAVE TO WAIT IT OUT

[chortlebot]

oh god not the fucking symptoms agai

[spaciebabie]

PLEASE tell me about your oc lore that comic was SO INTERESTING I'm on my hands and knees begging for more pls

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK I LOVE TALKING ABT MY OCS SM

I HADTA GET MY NOTES OUT FOR THIS ONE!

RANT UNDER READ MORE CUZ IT CONTAINS SPOILERS (EVEN THO IM PURPOSFULLY VAGUE) AND ITS ALSO A LOT

my GOD katherine quin- MY TRAGIC PROTAGONIST BABY WHO FEELS LIKE SHE ALWAYS HAS TA DO SOMTHIN ABT THE SITUATION EVEN THO SHE'S JUST A KID

i LOVE slow burns so everything in the story takes a moment ta kick off. you have katherine, "curiosity killed the kat" quin n her perfect parents, perfect friends n perfect life. everything is good. she's a kookie middleschooler abt ta go ta highschool, she's president of the history club, she's designated as the LEADER of the rexica manor field trip b/c of how dedicated she is ta learning abt their history.

she goes on the trip! it goes great, stupendous even! she comes home!! her parents are unreasonably upset for no reason b/c of a specifc thing that happens that i dont wanna spoil EERURUERUGUEGUEUGR

and she ends up learning a horrible truth. she's like, "i feel like we should do something now, with this thing i aquired maybe i can do something." n ppl keep telling her ta, "leave it ta the adults" "what are you even going ta do?", "everything is already in motion you just hafta wait till it all falls inta place" but-

FROM HER POV THE ADULTS HAVE BEEN STAGNANT, AWARE OF THE PROBLEM FOR 20+ YEARS N HAVENT BEEN DOING ANYTHING (spoilers? this is the incorrect mindset)

so she goes n does something STUPID. she directly puts herself in harms way, she puts herself in the forefront of the action b/c she thinks she can do somthing and the adults are forced ta acknowledge her b/c of this. they're forced ta include her even though they dont want to. again another child has decided that they want ta b involved in an ADULT MATTER and the only way they can make sure she n the other dumb kids stay alive is ta involve them so that they can watch over them.

time passes, a new character joins the fray. a deranged lunatic who will stop at nothing ta get what they want. they fucking flip the WHOLE WELL PLANNED OUT OPERATION THAT HAS BEEN IN THE WORKS FOR 20+ YEARS ON ITS HEAD AND KAT TURNS INTA A DIRECT TARGET.

people are hunting her. they want her dead. the police are aligned w/a new corrupt government that are after the thing she has designated herself ta protect (notice how i said, "herself" THE ADULTS DO NOT WANT HER TA PROTECT THIS THING) she's a fugative. she's an outlaw. she's protecting something the public percieves as dangerous, but she knows its not. her parents cant help her, n while she does have adults there ta aid her its obvi not the same. she misses her parents so much, she's stressed trying not ta get caught n die, having ta move from place ta place b/c of the threat of being recognized n the constant raids on the places she's at. i think that her birthday falls w/in this timeframe so like,,,,imagine trying ta celebrate your sweet 16 when your government is actively out hunting you.

AWFUL ANGSTY JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT

I HAVE HAD THIS WHOLE STORY PLANNED OUT SINCE I WAS 14 OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE THIS ARC!! ITS THE ANGSTIEST ARC OF THEM ALL AND AFTERWARDS THE CHARACTERS HAFTA SPEND THE NEXT ARC HEALING FROM THIS HORRIBLE THING WHILE DANGER STILL LOOMS IN THE DISTANCE.

THEY'RE IRREPERABLY SCARRED. PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, KAT IS NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SUFFERS FROM THIS!

and the best part of it is that some of it is her fault

[system-of-a-feather]

5 and 16 from the fusion ask game

5 Riku already answered

16) Have you had a fusion that you weren't consciously aware of until later?

Most of mine tbh. Rayku was a fusions between two parts that occured before we had much of a grasp on DID so thats a cluttered mess that I just summarize as Rayku and then the Rayku x XIV 1.0 was a fat meme cause I only really connected the dots 3 months after it probably initiated and around when it clearly solidified - meanwhile the whole time everyone in the system was wondering where the fuck Rayku disappeared off to (that part didnt front frequently so it wasn't entirely odd for him to be AWOL so everyone was passively confused)

I forget WHEN it clicked, all I remember is me double taking over something that had me reflect on my sense of self cause then I went "WAIT A MINUTE IM RAYKU??"

(its probably the era of Ray adopting me as his bastard son and student, cause Rayku was at least half an introject into thr subsystem of Ray and there being jokes about me - XIV 2.0 - maturing and becoming a mini Ray)

Then while clowning on the conspiracy Riku and I turned to our Little Gatekeeper to ask for feedback on my suspicion to which she said, and I paraphrase only slightly "Oh I put Rayku into the meat grinder and fed him to you in a burger" (referencing Kingman 2) and she refused to elaborate so we just went "ok seems legit" and just never really asked for any elaboration since cause we really didnt care the details and asking the details from her is pointless

Main take away was that we knew where Rayku was and maybe she had something to do with it, maybe not ' either way, the fusion really served to make me a lot more controlled and a lot less explosive so no one complained. Plus tbh Rayku was a really botched maladaptive romanticization of Ray that was really dumb about how he helped the subsystem so the two dumbasses managed to fuse in a way that they minimized eachothers dumbassery

In hindsight, the period in which Rayku was causing more issues than he was fixing and the period when XIV 1.0 realized the system was genuinely an ally and not an enemy were around the same time so I think our brain kust said "huh a part at a place to step up to a new and more productive engagement and a part that is now dysfunctional and doing the opposite of the intended purpose due to improved life standards" and said "cool lets let A eat B and take up the role as a 2.0 version"

And yeah I also do only refer to fusions as me eating a part, its my preferred terminology 😂

TLDR: Im like one fourth an introject of my adoptivr system Dad / Coach and am technically "literally him"

PS: Riku 1.0 was such a mess that clung to how organized Ray was and how much he saved us at the time that they had an unhealthy internal dependence that they internally cloned him into our subsystem (which to be fair, they were probably only that distressed cause we couldnt find a subsystem gatekeeper and I - as XIV 1.0 - was actively terrorizing them to try to kick them out of host and take over 😂)

PS 2: in short yes, and honestly I only can talk about fusion in terms of before, after, and hypothetically when it wad occuring

-XIV

[justsomefluff]

Hey I saw your ateez reaction to the reader still using their baby blanket and was wondering if you could do one like that but instead the reader still sucks on their thumb when they sleep ( I still do that, it's kind of embarrassing lol but I cant sleep if I dont 😳🥺😗)

you're so cute aw I hope you like this <3

Hongjoong:

you're his baaabbbbyyyyy

adores you so much

and the first time you guys have a sleepover you're nervous about it

and you're worried you won't be able to fall asleep

of course you haven't told him yet bc you haven't needed to

but when youre in bed and all snuggled up together

you can feel yourself getting drowsy

you cant actually fall asleep because you just need that comfort yk

eventually he falls asleep and you're like FINALLY

plan to wake up before him to hide it

but you fail

you're too comfy cozy when you actually fall asleep

and when I say you could have slept forever right there? I mean it

so when Joong inevitably wakes up before you and sees your thumb in your mouth?

he uwus so hard he falls out of the bed

the thump wakes you up and you yank your thumb out of your mouth, embarrassed

you look down on him from the bed and ask if he’s okay

he just stares at you with so much love in his eyes

clutching his chest with his hands

��you- you're so cute”

Seonghwa:

Mama Hwa… ACTIVATE

I feel like seonghwa is the kind of boyfriend who likes being very upfront with things like insecurities and stuff

And by the time you guys start spending the night together, you know this

So you know you’re gonna have to tell him straight up

And when you do you’re super nervous and he gets worried

Like he doesn’t want to be the reason that you look so uncomfortable right now

Wants you to be able to talk about anything with him without fear of being judged

So encouraging and doesn’t push you to tell him anything

Wants you to come to him in your own time

Even though he’s drowning in worry and he wants to know so bad

“I need to suck my thumb to go to sleep please don’t think im weird I won’t do it here if you’re uncomfortable-“

“ITS OKAY”

Like oh… he’s cool with it

In bed that night, he just snuggles up right behind so that you can comfortable do your thing

As long as he gets to hold you? As long as youre comfortable and peaceful?

That’s all he needs

Yunho:

He honestly doesn’t care as long as it doesn’t get in the way of cuddling

When you tell him and you’re so nervous about it that you’re shaking

He just holds your hands and looks at you so fondly

The look in his eyes alone is enough to calm you down

He’ll lean down a little bit, kiss your forehead, and pull you in for a hug

Just kind of rocks you both back and forth

Stays with you until you’re able to process the information lol

Like…he’s really okay with it… Yunho best boy

Waits until you calm down a little bit

Reassures you the entire time

Just tells you how much he loves you and how perfect you are the entire time

When you find your voice again and ask him if he’s really okay with it?

He’ll lean down sweetly and whisper in your ear

“Yes, but if it gets in the way of cuddles?” 

“Im gonna be pissed”

But that makes you laugh a little bit and you promise him you would never let anything get in the way of his cuddles

“Promise?” 

“Promise”

Yeosang:

When you bring it up to Yeosang, he’s already half asleep

But you figured you should tell him anyway so that he isn’t surprised in the morning

Since he’s groggy and isnt really fully aware

Looks at you with big eyes and offers you his thumb

“MY THUMB NOT YOURS”

He looks a little relieved, no lie

But you have a good chuckle about it

“I’m just saying you could use mine if you needed it, I have two of them”

“So do I”

“Still…”

Either way he doesn’t care

He really would let you suck his thumb if you really wanted lmao

Just does not care

Just do what you gotta do to get to sleep

As long as it doesn’t interrupt his sleep? His snuggles? Does not matter

Makes you feel really comfortable

Because he doesn’t push you to give him a reason 

Doesn’t ask questions, just kind of accepts it as a part of you

Will fall asleep before you and you’re just kinda like

Sigh of relief

Happy with your absolutely perfect boyfriend who somehow manages to get even more perfect with every conversation you have

San:

San strikes me as one of the easiest people to talk to

Especially if you’re dating

Just makes you feel so safe and at home that you’re able talk about any topic you need to

Even if you’re nervous to bring something up, he makes it so easy to talk about

So when you tell him you want to talk about something

He’s so willing and receptive

Like yes, tell me everything and I will do whatever I can to help

Having this conversation might be a little bit more difficult for you if you’re really insecure and worried about what he will think about you afterwards

But he will just wait for you

Never pressures you for the sake of time or anything

Just wants to be there for you until you’re ready

Telling him goes extraordinarily well

He’s like “that’s not weird… I mean I sleep with Shiber the majority of the time. Its not really that much different. If it’s what you need, then I’m okay with it”

Happy, loving boy smile

You love that he is able to compare the things you do to make you feel more normal

Just so amazing at making you feel understood

In this house we are soft for Sannie

Mingi:

So you really wanna bring this up to him before you have your first sleepover

But if he senses that something is bothering you???

Worried boyfriend system: ON

He immediately assumes that he did something wrong

And when you assure him that it isn’t anything that he did?

He’s like WHO HURT YOU

And you’re like… I did? Lmao 

Like who hurt me? ME

And he assumes you’re injured 

Wrong again, my dear

He’s full sweating by the time you finally tell him what’s on you’re mind

And he takes the biggest breath

Like THANK GOD

He’s just happy its nothing he did lmao

Literally his response is “oh, ok whatever it’s cool”

And he just moves on from it, no need to dwell

It doesn’t change his opinion of you so? NEXT

Wooyoung:

Okay so you know Wooyoung is a ham okay

And thats why you’re worried

Like you know he would never hurt your feelings on purpose

But he might do it accidentally bc this is something that genuinely makes you insecure

So if he makes fun of it, it will hit you where it hurts, even if he doesn’t mean it

You tell him you need to talk… wrong way to start this conversation okay let me tell you

“ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME PLEASE NO”

“WOOYOUNG NO SHUT UP LET ME FINISH”

“Oh”

When you finally get the courage to blurt it out

He damn near laughs at you

Like “THATS IT?!”

“…I guess that’s it”

“As long as you arent breaking up with me”

like… “I was worried you would break up with me after I told you”

“No, dumb, never”

Gives you a hug and a kiss and spends your first sleepover giving snuggles and loving on you

Jongho:

Protective boyyyyyyy

Just wants the best for you, always

So open to talking about things

Also really perceptive

Know you’re worried before you do

“Do you need to talk? I’m here if you do”

Like he’s so loving im cry

Telling him is a breeze

He calms you down and offers conversation before you realize youre ready to tell him about this habit of yours

Will tease you a little

“Oh my literal baby”

“Shut up”

“Wait… is that more comforting than my cuddles wtf?”

And then you have to reassure him that his cuddles are the most comforting and you love them

And thats how he got you to forget about your worries

Because he made you have to comfort him

Jongho psychologist 

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[ddarker-dreams]

Online Love. Yan Shigaraki x Reader [Part 5]

Shigaraki has never had a full grasp on understanding others.

It’s never presented itself as an issue before, due to his unique lifestyle that doesn’t require him to rely upon others to the same extent most do. He doesn’t need to bend himself to the will of others. If anything, people need to mold themselves to his liking. 

There’s no place for coquettish remarks and hidden agendas for the people around Shigaraki. He wouldn’t care for it, and they’d be cut off without a second thought. 

So where do you fit into that? 

He doesn’t know himself. The black and white relationships that stay in neat, understandable boxes for him are all but wrecked by your presence. Where his underlings bite their tongue and present themselves to his liking, you feel no obligation to do the same.

You live as you please, speaking to him as you please. The rules he’s used to don’t apply to you, you don’t even know they exist in the first place. If anyone acted as you did towards Shigaraki, they’d undoubtedly be killed for it. 

There’s a fondness that’s reserved solely for you. 

Even so, he can’t help but feel aggravated at how you’ve been treating him lately. The past three days have been a miserable stretch, his mood taking a turn for the worst. Not due to anything you’ve said to him, no, but because of the opposite.

You haven’t messaged him in seventy-two hours. 

This has never happened before, in the entire time he has known you. In the past three days you’ve not logged onto any of your games, responded to his messages, or uploaded on social media. He’s aware of the fact that you’re physically fine -- a bit of stalking ensured that nothing had happened to you.

A part of him almost wishes that was the case, so he could make sense of it. It would be undoubtedly easier to digest the situation, and he could get you out of the situation with ease.

But the aspect of the unknown is what troubles him the most. His mind wonders pathetically, grasping at any straws to make sense of why you’ve been living your life normally; just without him. 

Staring at his monitor in the dim light of his room, Shigaraki grimaces at the blinking cursor in front of him. Coarse fingers hover over the keyboard, wanting so desperately to seek you out; but unsure of how to go about it. He wants to demand an explanation. 

Were you really able to live your life peacefully without him? Did Shigaraki delude himself of the symbiotic relationship he once believed you two shared? 

His teeth ache from the hours spent grinding together, neck raw from constant scratching. Sleep has all but evaded him, as he spent hours painfully waiting for you to come back to him. For things to go back into the routine he was used to. 

Your absence serves as a reminder of how much he needs you. 

Narrowing his bloodshot eyes, he abruptly stands from his trash covered desk and stalks over towards the door. How dare you ignore him, how dare you treat him like this! Did he mean nothing to you all along? Have you just been waiting for the chance to cut him off, having been secretly disgusted by him all along?

Fury masks over any secret feelings of hurt, Shigaraki intent on demanding Kurogiri to warp him over to you. He’d get an explanation one way or another. Even if he had to pry it from you. Staying idle any longer would surely be the death of him.

Before he opens the door, he hears the custom alert. The one that he had set for you, so he could always know when you were messaging him. 

Shigaraki’s mind goes blank as he goes back over to his computer. He wonders if it was imagined, only to be disproved by a message from you on his screen.

From: [First] 2:06 AM

hello tomo-kun

That... that’s it? Mouth slightly agape from confusion, Shigaraki’s mind races with countless responses. Ranging from cruel words directed at you for ignoring him for so long, to inquiring about what even caused it in the first place. But none of them are typed out as he delivers an equally mundane response. 

To: [First] 2:06 AM

Hey

Anyone else would’ve been facing the wrath of hell right now, but Shigaraki manages to contain himself. Knowing that you haven’t forgotten about him or discarded him was enough to momentarily distract him from his previous rage. Biting his finger nails that were already short from countless hours of similar activity, he awaits your response. 

From: [First] 2:10 AM 

i’m sorry that i haven’t been around... 

From: [First] 2:11 AM

i’ve been having kinda a bad time lately with some stuff. but if it’s okay with you can we play some comp? i kinda just wanna take my mind off it. if you’re not busy that is 

It isn’t concern that he feels, but an undying curiosity. If something major had happened to you, like a death of a loved one, he would’ve known about it by now. What could’ve happened that upset you this much that he wasn’t alerted about? 

Shigaraki silently ponders to himself. Maybe he needs better scouts. 

To: [First] 2:12 AM 

Whatever you want, idm

An immediate response. 

From: [First] 2:12 AM

thank u, i appreciate it

From: [First] 2:13 AM

aaa i feel so dumb. im sorry im sure i worried you. i just havent been in the mood to talk to anyone. its nothing like crazy or anything im fine, just some life stuff 

Shigaraki’s never been the best at comforting people, as it’s a task that he’s never been given. He can barely take care of himself, much less anyone else. But in situations like this, he feels you’re supposed to offer something. Only for you would he stretch himself in this way.

To: [First] 2:15 AM 

What happened 

It might seem like a lackluster response, but to anyone who knows Shigaraki it would come as a surprise. People’s personal affairs have never interested him in the slightest, but you’re a unique case. 

From: [First] 2:16 AM

wellllll its kinda stupid but ig it doesnt hurt to tell you lmao 

From: [First] 2:17 AM

ive... ive had a crush on this guy for a long time. we’ve known one another for a few years, stuff like that. anyways i worked up the courage to ask him out and he got upset at me. saying stuff like im ruining our friendship. it was just really bad, and ever since then ive been on auto pilot 

The word crush hits him like a ton of bricks. He’s incapable of focusing on anything else in that moment, as time all but comes to a stop. His breathing uneven, and hands shaky; he sits back from the light of his screen. Disgust isn’t the right word for it, it doesn’t begin to describe the barrage of emotions he’s experiencing. 

You liked someone. You liked someone that isn’t him. 

Even if he actually wanted to, he couldn’t fake a decent response to your message. All along he’s been under the impression that you may return his feelings. That all the little gestures meant you treasure him on the same level he does you, and that you would one day be his. 

Hours spent daydreaming of you sweetly confessing to him come to mind, as his vision goes red. 

It doesn’t matter how. He’s going to find out who this cesspool of human waste is, he’s going to savor tearing each limb from their body and take pleasure in his screams of agony. Shigaraki will take care of this individual personally, wanting them to suffer in the same way he has. 

There isn’t any way you could like someone else. This all has to be a joke, a cruel prank with an eventual punchline. There’s no other way to make sense of it. No one else could be even remotely deserving of your affections other than him, and no one will ever have them if he could do anything about it.

He will figure out what to do with you and your betrayal later. For now, only this apple of your eye has his attention. Countless cruel ideas flood his thoughts like a tidal wave, a malicious grin breaking out onto his face. 

Shigaraki will make them pay.

[radiovisual]

(( HMMM ok well now im thinking about how weird Alastor feels about sex again goddammit

(( He's just... like he enjoys the sensations of it. And he knows theres a certain vibe he Prefers his partners to have--dominant, large, Powerful, generally in possession of Something phallic--though those things are definitely not ALWAYS hard yes's. And then theres those juggled feelings he has of like... WANTING to be able to have sex with anyone, anywhere, VS. Knowing how detrimental he thinks that would be towards how his loved ones will see him...

(( hes so dumb. Hes so awkwardly horny and repressed and frustrated and dumb. I love him. He needs to get laid.

(( some of his feelings about kinks are also strangely polarizing... like for the most part hes pretty open minded bc he thinks EVERYTHING people do during sexy times are Silly/of equal merit, but then theres like Basic stuff that he just. CANNOT fucking stand.

(( Like dirty talk? Oh my god he hates it. He hates it so much. He thinks it sounds so stupid, it Actively turns him *off* most of the time, at least when its CLEARLY someone trying to talk dirty, like a bad actor.

(( And then there's degradation--thats moreso like. Hes got Issues and in such an intimate setting hearing stuff like that will actually make him shut down right in the middle of the act, just waiting for them to be Done with him so he can slink off somewhere to hide and lick the emotional wounds.

(( I DUNNO im aware this post is very unstructured and haphazard im just letting myself type while i think bear with me ok

(( god he can just. Not handle rejection, huh. Even fake or merely perceived rejection. He spent so much of his teen + young adult life being sought after and fawned over and desired and admired and he cannot Deal with it when ppl claim not to like him, or that theres something undesirable about him, ESPECIALLY sexually.

(( he really is the type to be like... Al: "i wouldn't fuck you, lol"

(( sb: "thats fine, i dont wanna fuck you either",

(( Al, brandishing an angel dagger, vibrating with anger: "what the hell do you mean you wouldn't fuck me--"

(( point here ig is. Deer man got issues. And its probably a very good idea to Spare His Feeling at any opportunity, if you value your physical well being/His Emotional Stability lmAo

[stuckasmain]

I still don’t think your ready for it, but here’s my Batb Cruise show review:

Yes you read the title completely right, I was made aware of this a day or two ago but apparently one of the Disney Cruises is doing/did beauty and the beast the musical but based upon the live action movie. So naturally a massive fan of the live action I was both shocked and wildly confused, lucky for me I found a video on the entire performance(likely taken from a cruise tv.) from what I skimmed over it looks like instead of full body suits to look like they are it’s going to be regular (human outfits.) and then puppets, so I am Really really interested to see how this goes.

The timing is a little off we skip the prologue (Aria etc.) and start straight in How does a moment last forever... are they placing Belle after it? It was before in the movie. Wait oh my god he’s also narrator- it is the prologue! Pulled a sneaky one on ya.

•Adams dramatic sassy hand movements are my entire life (no dance just this art right here.)

•The enchantress looks straight outa Atlantis but I LOVE the effects used omllll

• MARIE THE BAGUETTES.

•who needs her when you’ve got us (LE DUO OMG- it’s the thing.)

•from what I’m seeing it’s a combination of both the animated and live action, as some lyrics/moments are the animated , like Lefou reverted back to his original sorta idiot phase.

•met HER saw HER *kick* we stan.

•Lefou just waving his bag in the girls face. Legend lmao.

•a LOT more comedy then the movie. When Gaston drops the Boquet Lefou picks it up and smells it and just melts all cute like. My heart?

•”keep moving old legs.”

•Gaston is also a lot more like the animated, more dumbed down for comedic effect.

•so there’s no Philippe so some dudes took her dads wagon. That’s how jumanji started you know smh.

•PUPPETS IM SCREAMING.

Lumire looks like he’s absolutely losing his mind I’m deadddd. Also Cogsworth’s wig is my entire life.

• ok so the beasts voice- he sounds like a Pirate I’m crying “ee stole me rose matey.”

•belle straight up using the stick like a musket

•OML SO I NOW SEE THE EYES ON THE PUPPET AND IM LOSING MY DAMN MIND.

•storage space! Storage space! For all of Lumiere’s shoes! His shoes yes he had a feel large collection of shoes- he rather likes Heels-

Cogsworth.

What?

Stop talking.

•while my love massages my tight caves.

I’ll massage your caves Gaston!

Who has no one snatched you up yet? (He didn’t say girl :0)

•everyones awed and inspired by au

Gaston placing a hand to his chest.

•Gaston kissing his own portait, no bimbettes Lefou sings their line, no Tom , Dick or stanley that I can see either

•they all start russian dancing instead of the stopping/sword fight. Weird flex but ok.

Now the girls are... is that the cancan?

•Fun cult activity’s with friends

•lefou dreamily gasping over gaston along with the women.

•WHERED THE UKALELE COME FROM?!

• they kept my favorite line :)

•So Gaston has the French flag now? Also Maurice runs in automatically? Damn there goes pacing i guess- like aren’t they supposed to be together for at least awhile before going after her jeez

•why’s every single woman in this show use a super high pitched cutesy voice “YeAaA!” Is the audience one year olds and dogs???

•Gaston was a captain :0 Damn high rank.

•or a Budae *laughing* *distant roar* *s c r e a m *

•Madame de Garderobe has me screaming lmaoooo

•Mrs.Potts was a governess? Wack.

•ok so I cant describe the noise i made

L: OH YES! Darling

P: high pitched giggling.

The stage is still black and I can’t breathe-

They were definitely- whatever the equivalent would be of making out

•This plan is uh Dangerous~

I’m-I’m gay for the featherduster. This is not allowed. THEY ARE SO CUTE I CANNOT FUNCTION.

*more adorable couple giggling*

Cogsworth coughing

•food fashion show.. I cannot... I can’t function.

•Lumiere being dramatic:

Coggsworth: if i had hands, I’d slap you.

•*Whispers*Skin.

That’s- that’s not creepy at all lmao.

C’Est LA SALADE I CANT BREATHE WHATS HAPPENING.

•you lost me 2 verses ago now there’s cheese

•no one:

Plumette giggling and calling out everything:

•HOW IS MADAME DOWNSTAIRS IM SO CONFUSED

•OWWWWWWWWEWWWWWWWWWWW.

That hurts.

•ok so Mrs. Potts being a governess in this version now makes sense as she’s the one to start days in the sun instead of the queen/little Adam

•So Candenza is completely gone from this version????? So Lumierè and Plumette get both love lines from the song. Their still busy being cute as hell tho. (Does this imply their also singers? Pretty sure their still just footman/maid.)

•cogsworth now has Mrs.Potts lines but his voice is great.

•instead of soup it’s tea he I N H A L E and belle looks SO done lmao. Also no library?

•oh jeez yea no library just straight into something there.

•oh so the library is now IN something there, alright.

•Adam just DECKS Lumiere. Idk what that was about lmao - showing he’s nice now by uppercutting a candlestick across the room.

• BELLE:D this dork-

•Hes making jokes now.

•SWORDS. FIGHTING.

•”we love you.” But... everyone is still all-

Ok so either Mrs.Potts is a massive liar or they don’t count

•the dress is low key just as underwhelming as in the film

• Adam is trying *SHOVES CHAMPAGNE IN FACE*

•Plumette keeps running on and off stage idk what that’s about.

•the danceeeee

•Adam keeps talking about his mom

•no evermore ;-; my favorite song and it’s gone for a 5 second day’s in the sun reprise.

I’m wounded.

•belle casually taking a dudes knife to cut them free

•I feel like the mob song is cute down a lot, also Lumiere comes in sliding on his knees. Respect.

•”Gaston help.” Is kinda like nothing now as they have been so comedic. I feel nothing.

•i like the way they executed the final fight (beast/Gaston as servents vs the villages was literally nothing.)

•Lumiere sliding in on his knees again *French accent*YAAAAAAS

•ok so the death scene still hurts me like a truck.

Lumire: guys we did it :)

*literally watches the love of his life, his best friend and other friends die(yes it’s technically death.)*

Everyone steps away from the puppet and turns around, the lighting goes dark I’m - ;-;

•the prince is low key better in the suit the guy playing him is uhhhhhhhh I know the whole point is to look past Appearance but who’s dad is this?

•I’m absolutely SCREAMING. Instead of the dramatic one by one they all pop up together and collectively go :00000 what?! Whoa!

•Lumiere and Plumette low key not even a “hi.” Just kiss and start dancing. Mood.

•Ballet attack part 2 and middle aged prince returns.

•No chip or Madame at the end either! :0

•oh wait here’s chip!

Cogsworth melting in the background is me

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬/𝐏𝗼𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐬

so as I’ve said it’s like a mash up of the original and the remake with some of the choices it makes, I think it really makes or breaks some of the characters.

Lefou/Gaston-

Both of them fell back more into their Cartoon counterparts of : here to be the bad guy, here to be funny. Both of them become so overly comedic that you wouldn’t be able to tell who’s line was whos if you were shown them without being told. I think , funny as they were it negatively effected their character’s. Same case with the beast he definitely became more comedic if anything at all.

Lumierè/Cogsworth/Plumette-

These guys I think are the opposite. I think having a slight bit more of the animated made both banter and flirting hike it’s way up. Cogsworth and Lumierè were more showy in their banter , while Lumierè and Plumette were much more loud and showy with banter. Also the accents are art. Mrs. Potts was there to be the mother like figure and not given much of herself

Rip to chip who had like 4 lines and didn’t even show up to seconds before curtain. Also Madame de Garderobe who was there to be a good singer and nothing more as she lost her whole arc.Rip to Cadenza, Frou frou , Chapu and Philippe for being written out all together.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬/𝐭𝐡𝗼𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

As I’ve said the changes either make or break some moments, like adding a overwhelming amount of comedy like the og movie. As funny as it was it did not have that same weight/gravity the remake did in its more serious/emotional scenes like the death/human again scenes I felt little here and Gaston betraying Lefou. As well as having the more serious/soft songs as the remake really backfired with so much comedy, and not even the more Witty subtle humor of the movie. Funny, but odd as character choice

So I know you had to cut it down a lot in order to fit it on stage however, nessisary parts or songs (evermore ;-;) were completely excluded likely do to the slightly unessisary over extension of dance numbers in Gaston(that didn’t need it) and Be our guest. Which could have been time better spent.

The servants are the absolute saving grace of this musical. The costumes! Oh!(again cogsworths wig is my life.) the humor! The acting, the singing, the relationships- all of it- all of it. They carry the entire thing, and if I’m honest it’s mainly Lumierè, Cogsworth and Plumette, occasionally Mrs. Potts if you stretch.

[dongyucks]

Cut like knives - Park Jisung

It’s officially angst hours for me seeing as it’s rainy and fricKIN COLD. it’s legit supposed to be spring and it’s colder right now than it was in winter, im seething. Anyways, I hope you enjoy loves!

You didn’t realise when he’d first talked to you, with that shy smile and heavy blush, that he’d end up meaning so much to you. That gentle purple hair you didn’t realise you’d come to love, the deep voice that made you smile every time you heard it. He’d come into your life so suddenly, yet he quickly became everything you wanted in it. Park Jisung and his god damn smile.

It was at the end of year bomb fire that he’d first talked to you. You didn’t actually know why you went, seeing as you didn’t like the atmosphere of the event nor did you have any friends begging you to come, you just felt socially obligated with everyone talking it up so much as it neared. You were doing exactly what you thought you’d be doing, sitting off to the side with the bottle of water you’d bought yourself as you watched everyone interact and make new memories. It was quite nice really, but the things they were up to just weren’t your idea of fun.

He had come up slowly, edging closer from where he stood off to the side watching the same people you were, except he knew the personally. Jaemin had Renjun over his shoulder, threatening to throw him into the ocean if he didn’t stop talking about aliens or something. By the time Jisung actually took a seat next to you he had been edging closer for about 5 minutes, all of which you were painstakingly aware of. He had a heavy blush on his cheeks and you still weren’t entirely if you were the cause or if it was the liquid that swirled in his cup. A shy smile was playing on his lips as he fiddled with his hands, brain seemingly in full swing despite his lack of words.

“You looked lonely” His tone was harsh, and you couldn’t help but smile at what he had eventually managed to spit out, Jisung however was quick to start rapidly apologising after realising he had accidentally been a little too up front for a first introduction. You still teased him about that, his failed attempt at small talk.

“I’m not, but thanks” Jisung seemed to let out what might’ve been the heaviest sigh you’d ever heard at your humorous response, eyes crinkling slightly as he smiled at you.

“Not a people person?” He raised his eyebrow while waiting for your response, taking a sip from his cup once more.

“Not in the slightest” He laughed at that, taking another small sip before lowering his cup and casting his gaze back to where Renjun was now trying to beat up Jaemin with no avail.

“Not my thing either” You barely managed to pry your eyes from the chaos in the white water, but you were glad you did. The fire seemed to light up Jisung’s face in a way that made him look angelic, and it was the first time you felt that little spark he always seemed to give you.

You wouldn’t have called him a friend the day after the bomb fire, but definitely a close acquaintance. You had spent the night by each other’s sides, talking as only the stars listened in.  

He started waving to you in the halls and you started smiling at him in physics class, but you never really seemed to run into each other too often. It was a house party you’d next met up. Jisung had invited you actually, his excuse being that it was at Jeno’s and he had an odd number off friends that were all too extroverted for him. You knew it was a lie, Chenle would never leave Jisung alone, but for some reason you went anyway, despite hating parties and people.

You had spent a little while just standing off against a wall when you’d arrived, unsure of where to even find Jisung. Eventually you got sick off the noise and headed to the kitchen, seeing none other than Chenle pouring himself a drink. He smiled at you, pouring you one too without asking. It tasted horrible but you weren’t going to tell the poor boy that.

“If you’re looking for Jisung he’s on the balcony upstairs” Chenle winked at you as he walked past, seemingly misunderstanding why his best friend had been looking for you all evening.

So, you took your drink from hell and went upstairs, finding the balcony after finding a rather disturbing activity in one of the bedrooms. You stopped at the door to the balcony for just a second, taking note of way the wind was blowing through Jisung’s light purple locks, tousling them as it lifted from his forehead. You had to say, he looked even more angelic under the moonlight than by he had by the fire.

You had eventually opened the door after spending a small moment admiring the boy. He turned to you, smiling once he recognised you. He smelt lightly off alcohol, but you just assumed he had probably had one or two of Chenle’s concoctions himself.

“I was worried you weren’t gonna show” Jisung patted the ground next to him watching as you took a seat and placed your cup next to his. A spark of recognition fluttered across his eyes as he looked at the drink, probably knowing exactly who’d poured it for you.

“I came a while ago, just didn’t know where to find you” Jisung let out a little laugh at that, the one he does where it’s almost inaudible and breathy. It was your favourite, because he only did that when you were having your late-night chats that meant so much to the both of you.

“Did miss anti-social actually enjoy the party then?” He exaggerated his surprise, knowing full well you most certainly did not.

“Oh yeah, me and the wall in the living room were all over each other” You let out a stifled giggle as Jisung shot you an overly surprised expression, mouth wide as he laughed a little. He scanned you for a second before taking your phone from your jacket pocket and giving it to you to unlock. You shot him questioning glance as you did so, watching as he fiddled before typing something in and handing it back to you.

“So you can text me next time instead of going steady with the wall” You laughed when you looked at his name, hitting his arm as you did. He’d saved his number under ‘only friend <3’.

“You’re actually a rat Jisung” Your shared laughter was loud as he pulled out his own phone this time.

“Okay but at least call me so I have your number too,” You did, watching as he smiled while adding you as a contact. “I’m setting your name as Bingo boy”

You couldn’t help the little scoff that cam out when he said that, his smile evil. “Why?”

“You seem like you’d go play bingo at a retirement village in your free time” 

“I’m literally never coming to a party with you again Jisung.”

You had lied, because the weekend after you found yourself walking through the door of yet another party looking for Jisung. You weren’t sure why you kept going to these parties just for Jisung, but for some reason you didn’t mind that you couldn’t justify it. It was an adventure, and god knows you needed one in your boring life.

You hadn’t stayed long at that one though. They had started playing spin the bottle and you’d shot Jisung the ‘I’m leaving look’ to which he laughed and walked across the circle to you, following you out the door.

“You don’t have to leave to Ji” You didn’t turn to look at him, just kept walking as he laughed.

“I’ll drive you home. I purposely didn’t drink tonight”

For some reason seeing Jisung get behind the wheel of a car was terrifying, despite the fact he was indeed legally allowed to. Of course, being the person you were you had jokingly made him prove he was sober, which he did with laughter and no complaints. By the time you were actually driving in Jisung’s beat up little car, his hand on the gear stick as you chatted away, you found yourself not wanting to ask him if he knew where had was going. You knew he didn’t, he knew he didn’t, you both just wanted to keep talking. So, you just kept driving. Eventually you stopped at a park, lying now on the bonnet of his car.

The conversation flowed as it always did, but when silence feel this time you were left with the genuine silence instead of the background noise of party goers. That’s when Jisung sprung an interesting question.

“Don’t you feel lonely living in your own little world?”

“Don’t you feel powerless living in other people’s?”

“Touché,” Jisung mused, his voice slowing and lowering in pitch as he mumbled one more. “Touché”

You let out a sigh, deciding that maybe, despite the fact you didn’t really know this boy all too well besides the odd party conversation and all the dumb texts, he was a good enough person to actually open up to. “Sometimes. Sometimes it really does get lonely and I just look around and wonder why I never tried harder to make more friends, genuine friends. But mostly its fine, actually. I prefer the life of solitude, because the less people know you the less they can hurt you”

“You’re braver than you think you are you know, y/n” You turned to the boy, catching his gaze and holding it. Neither of you spoke then, just letting the silence say everything you needed to. It only broke when Jisung took in a little breath and moved closer, his face nearing yours. It continued to do so until you were milometers apart, both unsure and nervous. Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing you’d regret later, but with the feelings you got with every little text he sent, you doubted it.

“Can I kiss you?” His voice was quiet, gentle as his breathe feathered across your face. With a small nod the distance between you closed, his lips on yours in a moment neither of you had yet processed. It felt different, but it felt right. It really felt right.

It no longer took a party for the two of you to meet up after that. A simple text and you’d be in his passenger seat again, chatting as you drove. Sometimes you went to get food and sometimes you ended just kissing one another as Jisung’s dumb playlist played in the background. It was good, it was everything you had ever imagined.

He’d introduced you to his friends one day after you’d run into them while getting food. They were nicer than you thought they’d be, just as crazy as you’d predicted though. By the end of the hour Mark had Donghyuck in a headlock and Jeno looked about ready to straight up murder Jisung. You’d really enjoyed it though, it made you feel like you were a part of their friendship, a part of something larger than yourself for once.

You were changing, and it seemed to be for the better. People became easier to deal with, friends became easier to make. You weren’t as scared when you went out to social events and you found yourself more involved and having far more fun than you ever thought possible.

Jisung was changing too. He seemed a little less shy, a little more confident. But with the good changes came the bad. The little good morning texts stopped coming, the 3am food runs stopped, all the nice innocent factors seemed to slowly leave, leaving you only getting texts when Jisung was replying to you or wanted to go for a drive. But a drive no longer meant lying on the hood of his car and talking, it no longer meant belting out high school musical songs, it was only making out with that dumb music.

It didn’t feel right anymore. So, you texted Jisung, and he responded as he always did. It was about 20 minutes later that he pulled up outside your house and you took your regular spot in his passenger side. It didn’t feel the same though, there was an atmosphere you didn’t like that seemed to choke the both of you.

It was already dark outside, the stars beginning to start their beautiful display of colour, your favourite sight by far. When Jisung pulled into a parking space at the edge of the park you’d first gone to, it felt like you’d done a full loop. It felt horrible, because you knew you still loved that dumb boy and his stupid shy smile and heavy blush. You loved him with everything you had, and you had opened up to him, your first real friend and your first lover.

“You haven’t been yourself recently” Your voice wasn’t confident or happy like it usually was, it was cold and quiet, barely audible. Jisung heard it though, and his lips seemed to pull into a tight frown almost immediately.

“Haven’t I?” He wasn’t asking you, nor was he asking himself. You both already knew the answer, it’s just that neither of you wanted an answer as to why.

You took in a deep breath, the heavy atmosphere becoming more and more choking as you gathered your words.

“Jisung,” It sounded foreign to both of you, seeing as you always called him Ji now, but he still hummed in acknowledgement, “If you’ve fallen out of love please just tell me, don’t make me keep loving you if this is going nowhere”

Jisung sighed, his breathing unsteady and light. “I haven’t fallen out of love, Y/n” He turned in his seat so he could look at you, hand on your knee as he spoke. “I still love you, I just,”

Jisung stopped, unsure of how to say what was on his mind. “I just love her too”

Five little words, just five little words that sent your heart plummeting. Who was she? Why was she so much more than you that he could lose his affections so quickly?

“Take me home” Your tone was uncharacteristically cold, sending goose bumps along the boy’s arms as he moved to start the car. He didn’t have a right to refuse your request, not after what he had said.

The ride was sickeningly quiet, the sound of the engine spluttering along the empty road as you neared your house. You had never been so glad to see the familiar neighbourhood. It was then Jisung tried to speak up, but nothing he could say would change your mind. You weren’t okay with being loved by someone who loved another, nor could you love someone who loved another. The second he spoke those words into existence it was over, you both knew that.

“Just, just hear me out” Jisung’s tone was desperate but it fell on deaf ears.

“Give me one single fucking reason I should” Jisung opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Nothing seemed like a reasonable reason, so when he pulled up next to your house he desperately flicked the locks, wanting just a second more.

“Just please don’t lock yourself in your room” You scoffed, unlocking your door and swinging it open as you spoke.

“Don’t act like you care. You don’t care, nobody cares” You stood up, not look back at Jisung as you muttered your last few words for him to hear. “Just leave”

You walked back inside, the hot tears trailing down your freezing cheeks as you curled up in your bed, still clothed and hopeless. Jisung’s car was still outside. It took about ten minutes for you to hear the engine roar to life and him drive off, but you didn’t want to think why.

Monday rolled around way too quickly, and you were not the least bit excited to see the boy that simultaneously held your heart in one hand and another girls in his other. Sure enough, there she was. You knew her, and you suddenly knew why he chose her over you. They were a far better match, but never the less the pain only multiplied no matter how much you tried to avoid it.

In the end all you could do was forget. Forget the late night talks and the sparks of joy he gave you. Forget the newfound friendships and the progress you had made in yourself. You were right in the beginning after all, opening up to people will only get you hurt in the end.

All you could do was forget Park Jisung, because the memories cut like knives.

[pigstepmp3-moved]

the writers really did buck dirty in s01e02

its the post you’ve all been waiting for—my Aggravated Analysis Of Everything That Makes Me Mad about the Therapy Scene tm, now featuring some things that show just how emotionally and mentally fucked buck is. now, i know we All hate that scene with all of our hearts (buck deserves to have a Good experience w therapy for once, but thats just my opinion), but i wanna go into detail about what exactly makes me SEETHE about that scene, complete w gifs and screenshots so i can better explain myself. im putting it all under the cut bc its kind of A Lot, so click that “read more” if you wanna read my angry complaining

alright, lets set the scene (i know we’re all aware of the situation behind this scene, but i think its important to remind you all of it). season one episode two. bucks still very much a Huge horn dog. buck has also very recently suffered his First loss on the job and its taking a huge toll on him. i think what’s most important to talk about before we get to the therapy scene itself is the scene where abby’s watching him on the news with carla.

(not the greatest quality, but that doesnt matter). he very clearly looks uncomfortable just talking about what happened in such a Casual, No Pressure setting. he says, “i was just doing my job. i’m happy we were able to help the people we helped and i’m really sorry about those we couldn’t save.” he stutters a few times as he says it, looks and sounds very uneasy, which seems very out of character for him. he’s usually super confident and chill, but as he’s asked to talk about this (most likely) traumatic thing, he kinda clams up, yknow? theres also something in his voice that reminds me very heavily of the way My voice sounds when Im trying to force back tears, but that might just be The Way He Talks

another thing that he says that really stands out to me (i dont know if this is necessarily important to the topic at hand, but i wanna talk about it so whatever) is, “. . . um, i’m sure they’re just turned on by the uniform. you know, i don’t know if they would feel that way if they saw me out of it.” ignoring the more sexual connotations to what he’s saying there, let’s talk about what he most likely meant by that particular statement. he still sounds a little nervous as he says it and kind of avoids the reporters eyes. it sounds to me like this is a rare moment of buck’s insecurities being let loose. “i don’t know if they would feel that way if they saw me out of it.” this implies, i think, some insecurities about like.. every part of himself. it almost seems like, in this moment, he thinks his only redeeming quality is the uniform. which might actually be what he’s thinking right then, ‘cause he’s still trying to figure out how to cope with his first loss. i think theres some part of him, somewhere behind that overly confident persona, that has a lot more insecurities than he shows, but thats a conversation for another day.

now, let’s move on a little from that. what i think is very important and notable about that scene is some of the things abby says after watching buck on the news. first thing she says that stands out to me is, “i’ve been thinking i might want to call him to see how he is.” she’s worried about him. i think she’s probably been worried about him since the first time he was on the news, earlier that episode. and for good reasons, i think, because later on, she says, “. . . he needs help, you know? i mean, he’s got so much pain in his face. everybody’s treating him like a hero. he doesn’t feel like a hero. as far as he’s concerned, the guy that he was trying to save fell.” like, wow, just tear my heart out and stomp on it a bunch, why dont you? its such a wonderful and apt summary of what buck’s going through. to put it rather simply, he’s fucking distraught, and for good reasons. plus, that quote is one of the Big things that influenced my headcanon of buck having depression, and i could probably analyze every single scene bucks in in this episode that have added onto that head canon of mind bc there are at least a couple different things i could blather on about, but that’s some analysis for another post (if you’re interested in me talking about that tho, definitely feel free to let me know)

now, let’s move on a little further to the Dreaded Scene (i’d totally go into the scene that immediately follows the last one i talked about, where buck and abby are speaking on the phone, but i think i’ve emphasized my point of buck going through some shit in this episode to the point where that isn’t strictly necessary). for the rest of this post, i’m gonna kind of analyze every single little thing that buck does and says in the therapy scene bc pretty much all of it contributes to my burning hatred of that therapist.

like, yeah, no SHIT, honey!! as far as we, the audience, are concerned, this is the First time he’s EVER been to therapy. in my own personal experiences, my first time going to therapy was SO uncomfortable. and just looking at buck right here makes me feel uncomfortable, too—he’s fidgeting with his hands, looks to the side, looks down, looks up at her for a moment before looking away again. this boy looks nervous as hell, and for good reasons. he confirms that he is in fact uncomfortable, and then the therapist says, “well, that’s not unusual. you’ve been through a trauma. that’s why you’re here—to deal with those feelings.” remember that, because i’m not gonna go into the importance of that quote just yet.

the next thing buck says is, “uh, yeah, i’m, uh, i’m not really into feelings.” he kind of avoids looking at the therapist as he says this, though not as much as he did in that last gif. but his voice is like... uncharacteristically quiet as he says it.

more!! avoidance!! he keeps averting his eyes, looking anywhere that ISNT his therapist. and at the end of what he says here, he clenches his jaw a little. a nervous tick, maybe? i don’t know. as he talks here, though, his voice is, yet again, very quiet. he sounds just about broken right here, and it makes my heart ache so bad for him

after a brief break to check out what athena and michael are talking about, his therapist says, "i treat a lot of first responders—people who run toward danger—but maybe there's something you're running from as well? what is it about discussing your feelings that scares you?" the answer buck gives her? a very defensive, “i’m not scared.” if youre not scared, then why are you avoiding talking about your damn feelings like the fucking black plague? and when i say that he says it defensively, i mean, like, way too defensive to Not be suspicious

we don’t get to hear anymore about that particular question because next, we’re checking up on athena and michael again, and then we’re talking about something else. the therapist says, "you lost somebody. that's hard."

as he says this, he sounds fucking SAD. he sounds completely and utterly BROKEN. throughout this whole clip, he sounds entirely broken. the therapist asks if this was his first time. he responds with, "i mean, i've had calls where it was... too late, but, uh, but i've only been doing this not even six months. now, i... i just can't shake the feeling that this one didn't need to go down the way that it did." again, he sounds like he’s hurting really badly. this loss is really taking a huge toll on him and that is Very clear. she then asks him if he thinks there was something he could have differently. he doesnt respond, just looks up at her like this:

his eyes are a little red, and it looks like there are some tears in his eyes. like wow, you could murder me and it would hurt less than seeing buck like this

now, the next snippet is about where everything Starts Going To Shit (this is also the part where i start sobbing like a dumb baby, but thats neither here nor there). 

you see that shit right there?? if you listen hard enough, you can hear my heart breaking into a million pieces. from this point on, buck is CRYING. honest to god fucking CRYING. he looks like he’s hurting so badly, especially at the end of that gif, when he furrows his eyebrows. it looks kind of like he’s trying to keep himself from straight up Sobbing. i’m sure it seems almost like i’m dwelling on this for a little longer than necessary, but i think emphasizing how emotional he is in this part is very important to understand just how much the end of this scene makes me fucking SEETHE. this next little bit is where i start to transition from Sadness to absolute Rage

you see that? this is the start of my slow deterioration into madness. up until this point, everything about this therapy session was completely and entirely professional. but home girl decides, hey, yknow whats a good idea? waltzing my happy ass across the room, sitting down directly in front of my PATIENT, and resting my hand on said PATIENT’s arm. i dunno about you guys, but this seems terrible on so many levels that it isnt funny.

now, yknow what happens next? some classic avoidance from our boy. she calls him mr buckley, so he says, "it's, um... it's actually just buck." (after VERY AUDIBLY SNIFFLING by the way, but i digress). he then deflects even FURTHER by asking her if she friended him on facebook. 

“i thought you looked familiar,” he says. he’s no longer actively crying at this point, but there are most certainly still some tears in his eyes.

now, do you know what happens next, after a brief break to check up on athena and michael? the worst thing that could happen happens! i know it, you know it, little miss unprofessional sleeps with buck! and yknow what she says Immediately afterwards? “i can’t believe i just did that. i am so sorry.” like.... no! saying “sorry” doesnt change the fact that you TOOK ADVANTAGE of someone who is CLEARLY not in the right frame of mind to consent to something like that. yknow what he was doing the last time we saw him? crying. bc hes in a very vulnerable place in this episode. and yeah, sure, i guess you could make the argument that he was seducing her a little, but that doesnt change the fact that this is fucked up. now, side note about me, i’m only in high school and i’ve never had any job before, so i dont quite know the ins and outs of the professional world. but i do know a thing or two about common sense, so its pretty easy for me to assume that shit like this is awful on like a million different levels. i think the power imbalance is super clear to anyone who has any number of brain cells.

now, buck being as emotionally stunted as he is, says that she made him feel better (probably just for a few minutes, but thats neither here nor there). and yknow what she says? “you should go.” remember that quote from earlier? the one that i said was important and that i was going to go into later? “well, that’s not unusual. you’ve been through a trauma. that’s why you’re here—to deal with those feelings.” yknow what buck Didnt do? deal with those feelings. he talked about his feelings for maybe ten minutes, and that’s assuming that, during the cuts to athena and michael, the session was continuing and that it wasnt a matter of like, oh, this stuff is happening At The Same Time.

and all that is just During the session. we dont ever see the aftermath of it, we dont ever see buck talking about that session or anything along those lines. and we most certainly dont see him trying to go talk to a different therapist. the rest of what im going to be talking about this post is purely speculation, but i think its highly probable that this could all be canon. like i just mentioned, as far as we know, buck hasnt gone to another therapist after that shit show. additionally, we can also assume that buck really hasnt talked to like....... anyone about the shit he’s gone through, both past shit and shit that was brought up from this first loss of his. so as far as we’re concerned, he’s never properly worked through it all. he’s also probably never gotten any proper coping mechanisms to deal with any further losses. it seems a little too morbid to think that bucks just gotten used to the feeling that comes with losing someone, so i think its pretty safe to assume that, after every single loss he suffers, he gets like..... super fucked up, purely because he never talked about (a), the reason why hes scared to talk about feelings, or (b), how to deal with said feelings, especially when they’re bad. and thats not fair to him!! that loss clearly took a huge toll on buck, Most of the description of that episode is talking about the roller coaster and bucks feelings, but he never got to heal from it. if buck doesnt get something akin to a redemption arc, where he gets to see a therapist to properly work through all of his issues, i’m going to riot

anyway. thats all i have to say on the matter. i’ve been working on this for most of the day because i have so many thoughts and feelings about the way buck was treated during this episode. i will die mad about it. but i think i’ve said pretty much all i have to say on the topic now, so i hope my frustrated rambling was interesting or whatever to read. so, thanks for reading! ♥

[clownmoontoon]

As the expert on anything and everything relating to jyushimatsu, how would you describe the relationship between jyushi and choro?

IDK ABOUT EXPERT BUT I CERTAINLY DO LOVE THE BOY

you bring up an interesting point bc at the time you sent this ask (SORRY FOR THE WAIT BTW I WAS DOING RESEARCH I SWEAR) i hadnt really thought about their relationship much bc they dont really hang out together a lot in the show so its not as open/clear as like suuji or sue.

so decided to call upon my buddy @aristotels‘ choro expertise to combine w my obsessively useless and vast jyushimatsu trivia haha

AND THE CONCLUSION WE REACHED IS:

CHORO IS MOM AND JYUSHI IS HIS PRECIOUS, STUPID SON 

yknow how in groups of friends you have the mom friend? choro is the mom brother in this group of brothers

i mean,

CHORO IM THIRSTY CHORO IM HUNGRY CHORO IM BORED

the only bros he isnt mom over are kara and oso bc theyre older but thats another post, today we talk about WAKABA🔰

JUST LOOK AT THIS OFFICIAL ART OF CHOROMOM AND JYUSHISON(he acts mom over all the youngest imo but ESPECIALLY for jyushi)

HE’S LEGIT PICKING OUT CLOTHES FOR JYUSHI

EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING THEIR OWN THING IN THESE BUT CHORO IS CONCERNED W JYUSHI 24/7 GOTTA TAKE CARE OF HIS SON

tbh jyushi does much of the same stupid stuff as oso, if not more w craziness level to 1000+ but choro never gets mad or yells at him like he does w oso, IN FACT IN ONE EP CHORO LITERALLY SAYS HE CANT GET MAD AT HIM, EVEN IF HE REALLY WANTS TO.  (an au ep but it makes a lot of sense to the canon story line too)

and we think its bc he thinks oso should know to behave better (since he’s the eldest/leader), while jyushi is just too young and dumb to get it yet, he needs guidance. jyushi needs to be taught. and choro is the one determined to teach him how to behave.

its not always in a condescending way, in fact choro is actually genuinely caring towards jyushi!! in ep 9 he was incredibly supportive of jyushi’s new relationship and even held the biggest flag for him! he never said it doesnt make sense or wont work. he seemed genuinely proud that jyushi made a relationship outside of the family

when jyushi’s heart was broken the first brother you see isnt ichi, or even totty, the brothers we know are canonically closest to him

we see choro

and ofc we all know how heart breaking it is that ichi looks away bc he cant stand to see jyushi in pain, but choro tho

HE LOOKS ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED, LIKE HE NOT ONLY WANTED THIS TO WORK BUT ALSO THAT HE NEVER CONSIDERED IT WOULDNT,

HE WAS ROOTING FOR JYUSHI 1000%

imo kara, ichi and oso never expected it to work (maybe they hoped it would but they werent convinced it was possible), but choro, totty and jyushi thought it absolutely would work out u_u

and even when choro says things that should be considered insults

HE SAYS IT IN A GENUINELY CONFUSED/CONCERNED/SURPRISED WAY LIKE SOMEONE SPEAKING TO A CHILD WHO JUST SURPRISED THEM

bc choro is the kinda person who takes everything at face value. so if you act stupid (even as a joke) choro will think you actuallyare stupid, not even in a mean way, but if you present yourself as that, then thats how he will see you.

and jyushi is just too happy to play along (for the most part) IVE MENTIONED BEFORE HOW JYUSHI OFTEN DOES THIS (acts like a dummy to get a laugh) HE’S EVEN SAID IT ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS

JYUSHI ACTIVELY WORKS HARD ON HIS COMEDY AND IS VERY SELF AWARE. HIS SILLY ACTIONS ARE ALL BROUGHT ON BY WHETHER OR NOT HE THINKS HE’LL GET A LAUGH

and he keeps up this “character” pretty consistently except when things happen that cause him to break. im sure we can all think of at least one example COUGHSEP9COUGH but another less heart breaking example would be when the cold puts him in a shit mood

in this moment he drops all the “im trying to make you all happy and comfortable” and straight up asks choro to get the kerosene, knowing that he wont want to, bc nobody wants to, but like IF YOURE GONNA PLAY MOM THEN ACT LIKE IT IM COLD

choro’s even said on more than one occassion about jyushi “are we sure he’s human” bc he just cant wrap his head around someone like him

and if choro says to ichi “this is our first time meeting” then it can be implied he’s never really met jyushi, bc of this he just does whatever he can to support him and help him grow as best he can since he has no idea of even what he is haha

while all his intentions are pure, it doesnt mean choro is actually good at this but, just like with imaginary taxes, he doesnt let something like his lack of knowledge on the subject get in the way of being the best brother mom he can be!

and jyushi is perfectly happy to be as supportive as he can be in return 💛

((unless its funnier to be against him))

[ddonggeun]

Hey! So I’m suspecting if I got adhd/add but is there any symptom idk. It’s really exp here to get it diagnosed

sorry it took me a while to get back to you because honestly i dont know whats a good alternative for you can be so i guess i can share my own experience? 

first of all i think googling symptoms and types of adhd and reading peoples account on how adhd/add manifest is a good start? my doctor and the reddit /r/adhd REALLY help me to accept myself (which is the first step i think) but the way i get diagnosis (i am adhd with predominately inattentiveness - but at the same time i have depressions and dyslexia which is like a killer combo 10/10 would never rec) is that i came across with an article a couple months about how girls with adhd are more likely to be (mis)diagnosed with depression and it basically fucks up multiple generations because they cant get the help they need and i was like wait whats describe in it sounds kind of like me but at the same time i have always been very lethargic and rather well behaved in class growing up i am nothing like what you would typically associate with adhd (you know the hyper-activeness) so during my next visit to the doctor (im getting treatment for my depression) i mention to the article to her and she said wait you know what describe how you feel in a classroom setting growing up and is there anything you do that teachers complain about repeatedly and tell me how studying and doing homework is like to you and so i did (i can go further into details of my life since a lot contributes to why i only get diagnosis when im 21… let me know if you would like to know i guess?)

my doctor (who just so happens to be an adhd specialist and is quite active in the research area i didnt know before then we stan forever i love her really she is so encouraging and so good at her job) took some notes as i was talking and after im done she said you know what i think you might be onto something but i cant be sure yet (since i have depression and dyslexia which both overlaps quite a lot with adhd/add) why dont i first explain to you what adhd is and i’ll give you the set of official diagnosis questions you dont have to do it just take a look at it first do some research organize your thought talk to your parents about it and if you think getting a test on it is something you want we can set up another appointment and we can go from there - which is really really nice because adhd has always been a taboo at least with my upbringing it makes you a loser socially academically and you know just in general its not something you will want to have…. 

in hind sight there are SO MANY SIGNS even in early childhood how come no one notice i dont know prolly because i grew up in the 00s if you are different you need to kys lmao rip: 

trouble paying attention in school or work,

the appearance of not listening - although im an audio learner funny enough

avoidance of activities that require sustained focus,

being easily distracted 

restlessness

fidgeting and cant sit properly - i shake my legs or click my pen so much especially when im thinking or anxious lmao, i got into trouble a lot when i was younger because i only sit in my seat facnig the teacher 5 mins max at at ime then i move around or i move the chair around i think better when i cross my legs but i went to a uniform school and i always make my skirt too short so you know

interrupting - if i dont say what comes to mind when it comes to mind, the thought is gone forever

frequent talking and talking way too fast - i get the exact same comment every single report day class from when i was 4 till i graduated high school im not even kidding “she has excellent comprehension skill and reading speed. it would be great if parents can help her out a bit in maths or chemistry.  she has a lot of potential if she applies herself, she seems distracted although when we ask her questions she can answer. very helpful and bubbly and yet she talks too much in class. she is not disruptive and her seatmate never complains but she just doesnt stop talking. we have been pairing her up with quiet students in class in the hopes that she will talk less in class but she just turn the quiet student talkative”

trying to do multiple things at once - i cant do one thing at a time, even when im say writing a paper i need to be listening to music or talking to someone if not switching between tabs or word files

mood swings

hyperfocus - oh boy oh boy oh boy

impulsiveness - i dont know if i get better as i age or is it getting worse i just know how to clean up my mess lmaooooo

poor time management - although i would say ever since i start listening to stuff 24/7 it really helps build a sense of the passage of time or whatever? its like now i know ok by the time i get to the third song in the shower i need to be washing out my conditioner; or say i need to go somewhere in 40 mins which is really abstract to me i set timers and put on a show thats 35ish mins even tho im not watching it just so im aware of time is actually happening if it makes sense

fail to follow through - i start things and once i have it figure out in my head i struggle to put it down in words or explain it to others i work well with other adhd peps tho

doesnt follow instruction and only do stuff their way

burnout - this is the worst especially if you are a perfectionist or a control freak and guess who is both 

trouble coping with stress - 

i luck out because im canadian and my doctor (in my schools clinic) just so happens to be a specialist who is very passionate about helping undergrads and grad school students to achieve as much as they can - so doctor and diagnosis for me is free. i do have to pay for my medications out of my pocket for a bit since im on vyvanse (to treat both my adhd and depression-lead anxiety its complicated but it makes sense when my doctor explained it to me lol) and this drug isnt covered by Pharmacare (CAD $130ish for 3 weeks worth of 30mg, im mostly on 30mg but on days when i dont have work on stuff or go to school i take 20mg just so my anxiety dont cause me to explode lmao) and very expensive but recently my doctor and i have agreed that vyvanse really work for me and it is something that i should be on daily for the foreseeable future we applied for special authorization which means i only gotta pay the tax… of course medicating isnt a must but it is what works for me and we figure out a way to make it affordable so i cant be more happy about that

at the same time i work with my psychiatrist to you know configure the whole adhd thing cause you know 21 years of repressing and forcing your feet into a shoes that not even your size frick you up thats something people dont tell you 🤷🏻‍♀️

what my doctor said to me then stuck with me - she told me adhd or add really is no monster or flaw in fact it is a very valuable set of traits we inherit from our ancestor - we hate it now because modern society render these skills useless well you see adhd isnt all about the hyperactiveness you see in the media people with adhd are extra sensitive to their surrounding and prefer hands on experiences (today we call them distracted) they are always aware of the change around them and is capable to attend to a couple things at a time and act fast because their brains are always making sense of things even when they arent consciously doing it. in todays society we dont want these kind of people why? because they ask questions they are curious people who notice trivial stuff that dont contribute to productivity they cant sit still which makes them not the ideal factor workers or pupils BUT! you have to remember that industrialization started like a century ish ago before that our ancestors live in predominately tribal society - adhd people then are the perfect caretakers and protectors, why? because they are always noticing things they adapt and react fast… so yeah it kinda suck for us growing up in a system thats designed to be everything we are and it is something that need to be changed but for those of us who “made it out alive” especially people who only get diagnosed in adulthood more often than not they look back and realize they have developed so many incredible ways to cope to make things work - are they always the perfect way? are they always health? no definitely no but at the same time it shows you how incredible these people are they make things work yes things are really hard sometimes but you got to give yourself a pet in the shoulder for not giving up… with the help of science and research we now know a little more about how adhd affect people we now have medication and programs developed to help people with adhd - they arent to dumb you down or numb you but instead it helps you to focus better so you can actually hear your entire thought and not just phrases or sentence fragments

[system-of-a-feather]

🌗 What is switching like for you? 🎲 Are there any collectors in the system?

🌗 What is switching like for you?

It varies a lot to be honest. A lot of the time it is just really like... disorientating where it just gets so blurry and foggy and detatched (ya know classical dissociation) and then there is like a pressure and then typically a switch. Sometimes I’m like... conscious-ish in like the backseat, sometimes I kinda just find myself somewhere later. When I come to though, I don’t usually have this like... heavy return as much as it feels like I woke up from a long nap or something. If I knew the switch was coming and it was planned, it is actually sometimes kind of nice since I don’t typically worry about who fronted (since I vaguely trust the main fronters to not be dumb and to do something remotely productive and leave notes for anything concerning) and a lot of the alters in my system don’t typically travel a lot (thankfully).

But that is kind of the pleasant ones to be honest. Like... nice and like... semi-expected / aware of switching are nice. But like sometimes its just kinda sudden or the horrid “triggered” switches which actually hurt like the head is being squeezed... those are just gross.

When it comes to Lucille, typically switching is more or less smooth (save for the mandatory period of switching where everything is just soooo dissociated) and there is little major issues with it. We can’t really switch on command or anything, but sometimes we can bait each other out which works sometimes and at least more than anyone else. They rarely hurt unless, of course, triggered switches.

When it comes to Aderis, we just typically have full switches up until like the past few weeks where we’ve been working on being co-con. Typically they also are really heavy on dissociation, having that “shoved back” feel, and sometimes headaches and thats a pain.

The others kind of alternate. Oh and apparently there is a lot of clear like... eye movements and eye rubbing when we are switching or near switching according to my fiance and shit.

Rumor goes around the system that there is an inner world and I have peeked into it, but when Im not fronting Im just kinda like... sleeping.

Oh and we also blur a good number of times which is always a fun confusing feeling. Sometimes we blur for an hour and then notice at one point or the other that its me or Aderis notices that its her or its like “Oh wait where is Aderis? Oh I guess its just me here now”

Partially as a joke, as a signal for my fiance, and to help myself ground, I have a tendency to go “Oh oh, hi hi hello, I’m back hi.” or something similar when I front.

🎲 Are there any collectors in the system?

ARE THERE. I think all of us are at least collectors in our heart to be honest. I think the only ones that actively collect things though are myself, Aderis, and Aya though.

I collect manga, games, bird related things, books, fanart, and really anything related to particular interests of mine.

Aderis I think likes to collect knives in the real world. They can be pricey though so I keep an eye on her and she knows not to buy too many but she really likes her knives. To be honest, I like knives too, but I respect them as her collection.

Aya collects dolls - as many littles do - and like... just a lot of cute things to be honest.

I’m pretty sure if Lucille wasn’t so not-self-treating that he would collect like pocketwatches or glasses or pens or something like that. I don’t really know cos he doesn’t talk about it much but I can only imagine from some of the stuff in his place.

Iris and TA are the other alters in our system but I really don’t know much on them so I can’t say.

-Riku (Host)

[floralkittygambler]

Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening -  Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set.  I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways. 

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit. 

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others.  The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online. 

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog: 

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot.  But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others.  For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now.  Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

[dndfuckhouse]

session 16 - a cultist’s work is never done

> 🎵  DND Ambience - Evil Temple / Michael Ghelfi 

Picking up where they left off the group finish chatting wistfully about their hometowns and the various methods of procreation known to them and look towards the now unlocked metal door at the end of the chamber.

Before the party shuffle through Keva attempts to check it for traps, finding nothing the group push it open and peer down a corridor behind it. Staring down they see a similarly cobbled hallway, though it seems to curve at a point obscuring their vision further, otherwise it looks clear as any they’ve walked so far, bracketed by magic torchlight on its walls.

Han chucks a stone down to check for anything fishy...it seems to roll down the hallway with ease. The group then debate if they should send someone ahead first to stealth and check it out. Finn offers again to float down in his mist form.

Han: should we have one person stealth forward? the rest a couple of feet behind? Finn: if you're that paranoid i can go ahead in my mist form again. Rokka: that sounds like a good plan han! Psalm: that's a good idea finn Finn: 2 good ideas what will the party do

Finn: chip i do my thing Cimmorro: FINN VAPE? Han: finn juul WHERES MY JUUUUUUUUUUUUL Cimmorro: WHATS A JUL?  are u flammable,  watch as he burns over a torch or something

Psalm: idk that much about vaping Plum: sarita wtf do you go to college

Finn transforms into his mist form and floats down the hallway, it winds and turns giving him the feeling that he’s slowly traversing downward, the corridor seeming to widen in size. After some time he comes across what looks like the opening to another chamber, a set of black metal double doors in front of him. Not spotting anything suspicious on his float down he floats back towards the party.

After about 10 minutes time pass, the group get worried and decide to follow ahead, bumping into the cloud of finn on his float back, he quickly transforms back into his regular form.

Keva: she flinches and makes that paul rudd face when she remembers its finn Psalm: psalm has nothing to say about running into the finn cloud Plum: i wonder if plum isn't tall enough to bump into it Rokka: rokka gasp for air before holding his breath so he doesn't breathe in finn which he fails to

Finn: >finn looks a bit confused as to why theyre all here "needless to say the path is safe but you're all aware of that by now. a bit reckless for being so paranoid if i may say so." Rokka: just worried about you finn Finn: did that much time pass? Rokka: felt like it Psalm: not that we didn't just fight clones of ourselves after being a bit reckless or anything Finn: "i see. in that case i apologise." >contemplative sprite

The party move to inspect the large set of double doors, they seem to have a ornate design to them, looking at them they spy the shape of horns and talons melded across it, the door doesn't appear to be locked either. Eyeballing the design psalm picks up that it definitely appears infernal in nature at the very least, the design could be reminiscent of devils of some sort, though he cant really place anything specific.

Deeming the door un-trapped the group ready themselves as Psalm uses mage hand to open one of the doors. It creaks a little bit but nothing else seems to happen, looking down the party see the corridor continue beyond it, opening into what looks like a very large chamber. Han briefly throws a stone again to test the corridor, no reaction again.

Rokka: "COOL A CHAMBER" rokka waltz in Han: both han and i age 20 years Finn: finn just. constantly calculating whether they're dumb or not Plum: i hope theres no single lich in here looking for a partner

Han: psalm: WOW KINDA DARK IN HERE ! Psalm: no please

Finn: well since han threw the rock and it was fine i wanna walk, wait should we wait for pokemon? Finn: I MEAN. POKI Cimmorro: .

> 🎵  Maternal Heart / Silent Hill 3 OST.

The party choose to walk through the door, as they walk down the small corridor they spy small ...what look like vents close to the ground. Taking note of them they walk further to the precipice of the corridor where it opens into the larger chamber. As they get closer they see what looks like a large pool in the centre, filled with a red liquid and surrounded by red runes, letters and symbols on the floor.

In front of it stands a staircase that leads up to a higher platform shaped like a circle over the pool, it seems to be bound with a tight thick rope. Staring the group notice that it seems to lead up to the top of a tall black pillar in the centre of the pool, pointed at its tip and faintly stained with red, it's quite the structure.

Looking about the rest of the chamber they see thick black and red ornate curtains adorning the walls and a set of columns in front of the pool. They also see at the end of the room, three short corridors behind the pool with a large black ornate door at the end of each of  them, seemingly also connected to the red circles around the pool.

To the left and right look like sets of staircases, both leading upwards somewhere, listening close the party can hear what seems to be some sort of whispers or chanting.

Cimmorro: cimm's just gonna "SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN BUSY HERE HUH!" and walk over to try and read shit Psalm: can i try reading too Keva: keva stays at the edge of the room lmao she is Skeeved Plum: so is plum “y’all are just walking in??” Rokka: i also stay back Han: han also stays back with keva, esp after seeing the pool lol Finn: i wanna check if its blood for real

Psalm: maybe we should've collected the blood from the clones, just to see if it's the same substance although i'm not sure how that'd help, i'm honestly just a bit curious Cimmorro: we'll find out if it's from the same pool if something comes out to grab the both of us. would be amusing Rokka: that sounds terrifying Psalm: sounds pretty amusing to me Cimmorro: cimm smiles at psalm "yeah atta boy that's the spirit" Psalm: *grins* Plum: i’d rather not have to deal with another one of you again Psalm: i dont blame you Finn: finn kind of just goes [raised eyebrow] to himself overhearing cimm

Finn: NO JUST A LITTLE LICK. like connor Jez: who Finn: dont worry about it jez Han: dont worry bro its just a nightmare

Plum: finn hasn’t been in a bite one of us or die situation yet where’s the romance anymore get it together guys Guest Appearance By Celebrity Aqua: Cmon finn drink the rancid bog blood

Cimmorro: finn, is your field trip going fun so far mate Finn: if this is your idea of a fun field trip i really don't want to go on one with you 🙄 Cimmorro: there goes my ideas for a first date then Finn: "d-date?" finn tries to brush it off quickly though

The party move to investigate the chamber, slowly the more reluctant ones walk in and peer about as well after watching the others waltz inside. 

Psalm and Cimmorro inspect the arcane writing and runes, between the two of them staring at the red on the floor they discern the writing to be magic circles of some sort, enchanted by something in runes they can't quite comprehend, they do recognise bits of infernal throughout however. They also read what they assume to be a name of some sorts, a ‘Mephistopheles’

The lines seem to give some sort of power to the pool and the three doors at the end of the hallway, though they aren't sure what exactly. They get the feeling they’re part of some ritual similar to the last they encountered, involving the shedding of blood on top of the pillar. 

Han walks in and cranes her hear to discern where the sound of chanting is coming from. She hears it coming from the left staircase, but it feels like its kind of echoing around the whole chamber anyway. Rokka joins her in using his canine hearing, in combination with the chanting he hears the faint sounds of a conversation also coming from the left. Additionally, behind him back where the party came he also hears the sounds of faint talking coming from one of the vents, the one on the right wall in the corridor

Rokka: rokka's ears perk at hearing sounds of people talking and hurries back to tell the others in a semi-whisper tone "guys! guys! there are people here! in the vents! and right corridorrrrrrr" Psalm: does the chanting sound like anything to you?

Finn and Plum walk in and eyeball the pool together, staring at it the liquid seems viscous enough to be blood. Finn moves to dip his finger and takes a taste, he quickly detects the blood of more than one person, it seems to have been collecting here for a while. In his mind Finn is briefly tempted to taste some more, though he also notes that it tastes a little tingly on his tongue, a bit unusual

Finn: "what i can tell you two is that this is fresh blood. of multiple people." finn seems to be unable to tear his eyes away for a good minute,  i choose not to share the unusual taste tidbit. Plum: "easy there soldier" and i hit finn's leg Finn: >finn snaps out of it and looks at plum apologetically

Looking at the pillar the two also notice stains on the sides, seems like the blood drips down from the top into the pool 

Keva moves to take a few cautious steps up the staircase on the left side of the chamber, from this angle she can see that it opens up to what looks like another corridor, though cant make out much else.

Han takes the moment to cast detect portal, quickly she gets a ping from each of the three ornate doors, at the same time Psalm casts Comprehend Languages on himself to see if he can more directly read the runes as well as decipher the chanting.

Han: everyone shut up, those doors are portals to somewhere Plum: uhhh.... how do we figure out where they lead Han: “no way other then activating them and walking through”  han is uncomfortable here lol

Finn: i watch psalm curiously Psalm: mans is just touching the floor Finn: finn: that man sure is touching the floor. crazy. Psalm: i 'll tell you what they're saying in a second Finn: i nod @ psalm and wait, oh wait i guess he wouldnt know if im nodding so ill just say Okay Psalm: hwuhahwa

Psalm: should draw psalm and finn doing each other's nails since they both definitely wear nail polish

Now able to comprehend the chanting, Psalm notes that it seems to be in some coded language, he makes out certain sentences along the lines of "beloved may our lord be, seeing all within his purview" he’s a bit far from the corridor so its hard to hear specifics. The runes on the ground now that he can read them look like some sort of prayers relating again to mephisto directly, but also mention a benefactor, bringing up in scripture some sort of all-encompassing voice. 

Psalm: i think we have an old fashioned blood ritual summoning on our hands

Keva moves to quietly make her way further up the staircase in the meantime, as she does the sound of soft chatter becomes slightly louder combined with the prayer which sounds a bit father away. Slowly she comes out to a cobble corridor, peering to her right she spots a shut wooden door, locked with a silver latch. To her left the corridor goes on, and near the middle of it she sees a group of 3 people, donning red robes and hoods, though two of them seem to be more ornately decorated than the other. 

> 🎵  Null Moon / Silent Hill 2 OST.

As she looks she notices that they appear to be discussing something, she also notices that the corridor seems to be aligned with jail cells perhaps? though its hard to see into them from this angle, making out only dark sack shapes. She cranes he ear to try and listen in on the conversation, 

???: you hear the tiefling muttering something to the one not as elaborately dressed as him “...ou need to be more careful with the brood. Emruz was so very upset one of them had escaped, though now our lord says it was all apart of his design. Sometimes I wonder why she stands as second, she never trusts enough in fate. Of course it was all as planned, his grace would never make a mistake ...” he turns his head to the drow standing beside him “oh please Ida you must discipline the acolyte too, i know you dont like to speak but i'm not good at …” he seems to trail off  Ida: the drow tilts her head in his direction, her eyes staying shut.  ???: “Oh grace, nevermind…” he turns back to the other hooded figure. “For now you’ll stay at your post until Emruz makes a decision...she is leading the prayer right now for our grace, it shall be decided afterwards, understood?” the hooded figure nod, while the tiefling seems to sigh in response “ahh...come Ida i need to check the sigils within the heating dens…”  Ida: The drow nods in response

Keva watches two then walk of to the right out of her vision, listening she hears the sound of a door shut and close as the other hooded figure walks to the left, followed by the sound of a chair getting dragged across the ground and a thump. Once again silence returns to the halls, aside from the faint sound of chanting from down the corridor. She quickly slips back down the staircase and informs the group of what she saw.

Psalm: heating dens? what kinda kinky ass cult Plum: onsen

Rokka moves up the right staircase to scout it out as well, similarly to how Keva did towards the left, he clambers up quietly to poke his head around. In the meanwhile the party thinks on how they ought to proceed.

Rokka: whats the worst that could happen? rokka dies? Finn: HGBDFUNDFOMDFG

Psalm: i'm not sure how to proceed if i'm being honest Plum: neither am i,  im wondering what sigils and heating dens are, like if more people are about to die while we're here

Keva: any way to figure out where the portals go? Plum: i dont think so since everything here's in code Han: “..theyre probably how sammy ended up out on the street” hans still staying back and just. her eyes keep coming back to the pool of blood

Psalm takes a moment to think over the name ‘Mephistopheles’ and what he knows about it, he recalls now that its the name of one of the archdevils that presides over the nine hells. He’s a being said to be thoroughly wicked and cunning but all the same unstable, bards singing of his unchecked temper. It unnerves him to see his name invoked in a place like this. 

Finn moves to walk up the stairway in the middle of the pool to investigate it further, looking now he can tell the ropes tied around the circular slab form the letterheads symbol. Standing at the top of the stairs he also notes that he is within easy distance of the pillar in the middle, he walks back down after taking his look.

Psalm: oh right i relate that new information about Mephistopheles as well just to set the mood Keva: great

Han follows suit in continuing to poke around, she turns back to the corridor they came from and looking near the ground she eyeballs the holes in the walls, they appear to be small vents of some sort. They look big enough for someone to crawl through but only someone of plum’s stature or smaller, through the right one she hears a very faint conversation ebb out. 

Moving to crouch down she tries to stick her ear in and tries to make out the conversation, though all she can hear faintly is the sound of one voice speaking. Briefly she hears"...thus you know just precisely where to strike..." before it becomes mumbles to her ears again.

Rokka reaching the top of the staircase quietly looks about, directly to his left he sees a figure dressed in a red hood and garb, black gloves and shorts underneath. They seem to be standing guard near a wooden door, seemingly unlocked, hands folded behind them. To his right the corridor continues down for a ways before opening out to what looks like a small chamber, halfway down its length he see two more red cloaked figures speaking in whispers, if he squints he can see what look like jail cells lining the corridor, similar to Keva’s corridor, hard to tell from his angle.

Rokka: rokka hurries back to the others and alerts whoever is closest to him about what he saw "guyyyyyyyyssssssssss" Cimmorro: rokka u good Rokka: there are people hereeeeeeeee i saw themmmmmmm  Cimmorro: it looks like keva saw some others as well Han: rokka be like 😨

Psalm: i think our best options are to probably not fiddle with the inter-planar doors for now and pick one of the staircases Plum: agreed Psalm: we should also potentially destroy this altar, but maybe on the way out provided things go well

Psalm: @ han "are you coming? we've investigated the entire room, nothing spooky here to get you"  Han: hans just like uuuughghh and catches up

Cimmorro: i was gonna say this looked like we're on a road trip and han is taking a group pic for us

Han: ;LKHAS;LKHFASDF shes actually taking a selfie of herself

The group decide to head up the left staircase after discussing the number of guards they saw. They devise a plan to roll some ball bearings to distract the one they assume is still somewhere in left corridor, before quickly taking him out at a range silently.

Cimmorro: you guys want him to come over here? what if something comes out of that pool Finn: cimmorro, what makes you so sure someone will come out of the pool? Cimmorro: it's ridden with magic bro Finn: the blood did have a ... unique taste. it was good, but there was something unusual to it. i'm not sure if you can make anything of that. Cimmorro: HGUHFDBKJVHB cimm just standing there like "you said unusual, that's even more suspect??IF YOU ASK ME??" Psalm: i'm pretty sure if something was supposed to come out of the pool it would've come out by now Rokka: i would like to have nothing come out of there

Cimmorro: lure the guy out and knock him out then? Psalm: just whisper "such a shame Mephistopheles caught ligma" into the vent and bait him out vaporising him instantly Cimmorro: BRO

> 🎵  A Stray Child / Silent Hill 3 OST.

As the group discuss their plan to take out the guard Finn attempts to think on taste of the blood again. It seems more than likely that the blood is enchanted in some way by the circle around it, though it doesn’t strike him that the purpose of it is for summoning, it would have most likely had a much more rancid taste if connected to something so directly. The pool is more than likely containing the blood of many for a purpose, effecting the recipients in some way, beyond that he isn’t sure what.

Rokka: DAMN AND WE WERE ABOUT TO OFFER PLUM TO SPILL THEIR BLOOD THERE? Finn: maybe i shouldn't drink the magic blood Psalm: just take a sip Cimmorro: finn become rat poison checker

The group move to stealth their way up the left staircase, Psalm, Rokka and Plum find difficulty in keeping quieter than the others however. The others manage to cover for them however.

Finn: CAN WE COVER FOR OUR CLOWNS Psalm: CAUSE TROUBLE BY ACCIDENT GANG Plum: https://youtu.be/duPJqfKiA78

Psalm: HE CAN'T COMMUNICATE IF HES DEAD, what if it's theyord's favourite mook and he just wants to check up on him and then he's just dead, our entire operation is screwed

Keva rolls the ball bearing down the corridor, after a beat the group hear the sound of wood grinding on the floor and a few footsteps as the hooded figure steps out towards the sound, bending over to stare at it on the ground.

Quickly psalm and keva step out of the stairway, flinging a throwing knife and a blast directly at the hooded figure, the knife swiftly lodges itself in his neck and the blast seems to suck the rest of the life out him, taking him out quickly. The group slowly move now to investigate the corridor, Han staying at the top of the stairs to keep an eye on the chamber behind them.

Psalm: han making sure we don't die

Walking down they now see a series of cells lining the walls, piled with large sacks, a few laying empty. Some of the sacks have the faint colour of blood seeped through, giving the group a bad feeling about what could possibly be inside of them, seems most of the cells are locked. 

Plum: they mumbles to themselves "give me a fucking break..."

Halfway through the corridor they turn the corner and see what looks to be a guard post near the jail cells, a shabby wooden desk and a series of lock boxes on top of it. Seems to house the keys to the nearby cells, to the right they also notice another branch off, a wooden door at the end. They assume this is where the tiefling and the drow walked off towards earlier.

Keva moves to check out the body of the guard, all she finds on him are a dagger strapped this thigh and a red letterheads token in his pocket, nothing much else, she pockets the token. The group then discuss how to hide the body so its not left on the ground in the open.

Finn: we could put him in one of the bags as to not arouse suspicion but its certainly grotesque. Psalm: thats a pretty good idea, cover our tracks 🤔 Han: that criminal background huh

As they discuss this Finn moves to put his ear towards the locked door at the top of the corridor, pressing his ear close to the door he doesn't hear anything other than silence from inside. In the meantime Plum and Keva nab the keys to the jail cells from the guards desk, moving to unlock the one closest to them, Cimmorro wanders over to assist. 

The three work on untying the ropes and opening the bags inside. Cimmorro moves to inspect one of the corpses on how long its been decomposing but is struck by how close the abhorrent smell is, completely distracting him. Finn walks over and its also disgusted, Rokka moves down to keep watch on the door that the drow and tiefling walked through earlier in tandem with Finn.

Looking through the bags Plum attempts to identify the bodies within, their bag specifically appears to house a human male with dark brown hair, keva's bag seems to contain an elven woman, neither of them recognise the victims at all. The three quickly look through the cells for a bag with enough space to shove the guard inside, Plum takes quick notes on the features of the people they find as they go along, soon they find one and are able to successfully shove the guard inside.

As they go about this Psalm continues walking further down the corridor to the end where it opens into another small chamber, it seems filled with storage supplies and large cages, for what purpose hes isn’t sure he’d like to imagine, as he looks about he sees the letterheads symbol scrawled into the wall as well. 

At the far end of the chamber is a set of double doors, made of black metal, it seems this is where the chanting is coming from as he hears the sounds of  numerous voices speaking together in he assumes are prayers. To the right he also see more stairs leading upwards to what looks to be another corridor, though he cant fully tell from below.

He moves to listen to the voices coming from the double doors hearing similar hymns to what was being chanted earlier, but he also hears another voice higher pitched speaking above them in common, she seems to be preaching something about "a time of revenge blossoming soon, the process shall begin to bear fruit" he moves away and relays his observations to the group back up the corridor

While they wait Finn attempts to see if he can hear anything coming from the door hes watching but can only make out a very muffled muttering of some sort and soft shuffling.

Psalm: finn always on the lookout for hot guys pog Finn: we arent only thirsting for blood in this house Cimmorro: wow finn looking for cult bukkake Han: if they arent above a 6 finn cant hear them Finn: jez im going to

Finn: i let the others know that i heard some muffling and shuffling behind that door. but very faintly. Han: theyre making out in that room Cimmorro: GIJFSIBJSOPFBJOSJW

The group decide to head up the stairs Psalm found and move down to the small chamber at the end of the corridor.

Han: han is following but constantly at the back Keva: han the vigilant Rokka: not all heroes wear capes Finn: OKAY NOW I FEEL BAD ABOUT LEAVING HER ON HER OWN Han: 

Keva offers to take point, and stealth's up the stairs, getting a look at the corridor at the top of them. Peeking her head out she sees similarly to the last corridor they walked, another row of of jail cells with what look like more sacks inside. Halfway down she spies what looks to be another guard, his arms crossed periodically looking to the left and right

The group get in position to take him out,  Keva and Han both fire off their arrows, psalm backing them up with a blast, the arrows strike the guard in the side before he is knocked down by the blast, quickly taken out. Han and Plum briefly jog back to the guard post from earlier to grab the keys again so they can hide this guard with the bodies as well. 

Accomplishing that the group see now that this corridor connects between the left one and the right one from the initial pool room, they decide to use this to take out the guards they saw in the right corridor carefully, party members on either end of it. From this new vantage point Keva sees there are three of them in the right corridor now.

Psalm: 16 to hit, god i dont like this im assuming i haven't missed yet.... when the boss comes i'll miss every shot guaranteed, bruh the boss is going to kill me

Psalm, Finn and Rokka head back the long way and crouch by the stairs near the far end guard while the others stick to the bottom to take out the two halfway through the corridor.

Han and Keva shoot of their arrows and with their combined might manage to instantly bring down one of the guards. Psalm blasts the one near the stairs, surprising him but he seems to be still standing afterwards now alert. before he can do anything however Finn rushes in and skewers him, quickly silencing him

Finn: FINE IF YOU WANT ME TO SO BAD ILL GO STAB THE GUY Cimmorro: jude is going to sex town

Cimmorro uses sacred flame on the other guard standing halfway through the corridor but only manages to lightly singe his hair.

Cimmorro: he just does it to provoke Rokka: ;DLKFJSLDKFJLSKDJ Cimmorro: really the only thing he been reading in those sacred libraries is the urban dictionary

He strikes again this time doing a bit more than singe the guard’s hair, Han and Keva both try and fire a series off a quick shots once again after he does, Han's goes wide however, only kevas striking, still leaving the guard standing. Quickly afterwards Rokka and Psalm run out at the same time, Psalm is able to step out and blast the remaining guard from the opposite end, taking them all out before any could retaliate. 

Psalm: ROOMIES Han: oh my god they were roommates... Rokka: I'll move as close as I can and then cheerleader for psalm Psalm: ^_^ greatly appreciated Rokka: Go roomie!!

Han: hey we've been smart and careful about this, we could've been. REAL dumb Finn: honestly we've been really smart, ALMOST LIKE. CAUTION IS A GOOD THING DSHJFBSDUFGSFH

The group about quickly hiding the three bodies among the jail cells again, completing that Keva rummages through the guard desk in this corridor for anything of note. Inside she finds papers detailing some sort of guard training…seems there are at least over 20 acolytes being trained in the ways of assassination around here. 

Psalm: oh can i read the papers or did u just tell everyone what they said  Han: keva found them and told everything else to read iirc(edited) Keva: i did not say that in the rp but yes let's assume yall saw it bc i can't read i forgot lmoa Han: LKH;LKHSAWEFSD Psalm: WHAT'D YOU EVEN LOOK AT THE PAPERS FOR THEN

As she does Finn goes to listen to the door at the top of this corridor, he hears no sounds coming from the inside, it appears unlocked as well.

Finn: now if it were cin, he'd open that door. Han: . Chip: jude reminding us of our good fortune rn

Han goes to investigate the small chamber at the end of the corridor they just came through, looking about she sees storage crates piled high and bags filled with more bags, looking inside them she rifles through small amounts of rations within. Around are more cages and a large metal screen of sorts, it looks to be disuse however, she wanders back down the corridor.

> 🎵  Sewer, Echo, Approaching / 2Mello.

As she does Psalm presses his ear to a door that branches off from the middle of the corridor, listening if he can hear anything or any activity beyond it. As he does he hears the sound of a voice coming through, though all you can really tell is that it sounds like someone giving instruction of some sort.

Cimm, Plum and Keva decide to walk back to the blood pool room, Plum wants to try casting identify on the pillar to see if they can garner any further insight on its functions. In the meantime Psalm asks Rokka, Finn and Han if they can make out anything coming from inside the door hes listening in on. The group stretch their ears once more, though Han in particular recognises the cadence of the voice through the door as the one she heard speaking when she was trying to listen through the vents.

Han: while they're all standing ears pressed to the door han hesitantly asks "is blood letting and stuff like... generally associated with. what you said. cults?" even quieter "actually what are cults lets start there" Psalm: you're asking me? Han: all of you, i guess. you all seem to have more different opinions about this than me Psalm: well from what i just know generally, rituals like these are commonly associated with the more er, 'evil' cults let's say, it does tend to get played up in fiction but since we are also 100% standing in a room with a blood pool and runes on the floor praising a demon you could say that it's played up for good reason. Rokka: rokka just tilts his head like ?? Han: han just looks. kinda processing "what do you mean, "played up"?" Psalm: romanticised i suppose Finn: finn just leaning against the cell. listening. Psalm: like how you'd expect things to be more exaggerated so that they're actually entertaining in a book or play, otherwise it wouldn't be interesting. 

In the meanwhile the other group make their way into the large chamber, Keva stands at the bottom of the stairs leading out while Cimmorro and Plum make their way up the one over the blood pool. Plum reaching the top, stands near the pillar with their hands, taking the time and casting identify upon it. As they touch it an unwelcome feeling fills their senses, like whispers in their ears. 

The pillar is definitely enchanted, it seems the process directly enhances the person who drips their blood upon it. As long as it is collected within the pool below it seems the enchantment keeps its hold indefinitely, combined with the whispers and information they’ve gathered from before, you get the feeling this is used in some way for whoever wrote the runes on the floor to communicate to those that have bled upon it.

Chip: CIMM LIKES TO FEEL TALL Cimmorro: SHUT UPPP ILL KILL YOU

Satisfied the group head back to the corridor with the others, keva noting that it seems the chanting is still ongoing in the background, as they do they walk into the conversation the rest of the group is currently having.

Psalm: That being said though, we are still very much in a situation like out of a novel you could say. And it's not like i have much experience with cults myself...for all i know they're all like this Han: han visibly looks like she regrets asking "like a novel huh" Keva: keva walks in and sees that she has missed smth

Psalm: oh right, a cult is just a group of people that religious practices that aren't commonly accepted, or in most cases, evil. Forgot you asked. Usually they worship a figurehead, potentially a person or otherworldly being, so they're not that far removed from the average religion. Han: han is borderline sweating Keva: wait, we've been chasing after this cult this entire time and you didn't know what a cult was? Han: well. no not really. Finn: finn closes his eyes. I Cannot 

Psalm: why the interest though? i suppose it is a bit messed up in here, and if you didn't know before i guess it's pretty shocking,  what with all the blood and everything Han: just uh. curious is all. Psalm: i see. well if you have anymore questions. Cimmorro: [raised brow]

Half the group subtly eyeball Han to see if she’s lying about her questions coming from a place of mere curiosity.

Han: me just throwing these breadcrumbs Psalm: can't just not eat them off the flor Plum: someone eat them!! Cimmorro: gang beats up han with insight Han: everyone at han rn [raised brow] Cimmorro: 

Finn: han: asks a simple question, the party: lets get her boys Rokka: rokka just rly wanna know if he gotta comfort u or naw

- finn watching from where you are leaned against a cell you easily see through her lie, you get the feeling the question is related to a past experience of hers perhaps, you understand the feeling of wanting clarification well - psalm and keva it seems clear that shes lying and that she has a deeper reason for asking about this, though you dont really know why - rokka han seems upset by all these damn cults, u understand this place sucks

Cimmorro: prolonged strained silence

The group dont inquire any further into her odd reactions at the moment, Finn moves the conversation along, asking if any of the party would like to help him check out the room at the top of the corridor or if they’d like to check out the door they were just listening in on.

Han: "ye shall we storm these dudes" (points to door) Keva: you were all cautious before and now you wanna just barge in? Han: whispers to keva "i was half joking" Keva: you're hilarious. Han: thank you ^_^

The group decide to go along with Finn’s suggestion, preferring to run into as few people possible for the moment and shuffle down the corridor, the group all stand behind psalm as he creaks the door open with mage hand. Peering inside they all see a small room with no one around inside, piled high are a bunch of beds, seems this looks like where the acolytes sleep.

Han: everyone takes a long rest Finn: HBZUFGMIOGF;HFHGJHOW MANY BEDS ARE THERE THIS TIME Han: finn rn like: . Finn: finn: i do not see it. i do not perceive it.

Rokka: rokka barges in and dives into a bed like "ahhhhhh yes" Han: goes back to look out position Psalm: rokka you really want to be rolling around in the beds of people that drain the blood out of innocents for rituals? Rokka: a bed is a bed Finn: A MAN OF SOLID CONVICTIONS Cimmorro: we're in some hazbin hotel kinda shit and u just gonna sleep here Psalm: that's terrifying resilience. i'm impressed, if not a bit scared

> 🎵  Highway, Fog, Visitation / 2Mello.

As the group look about the room watching rokka walk in, Han notices behind them all down the corridor, the sound of a door creaking open. Quickly she moves to push everyone inside the room as quick and quietly as she can, though she’s sure they were heard.

Cimmorro: this cult guy barrelling down the corridor upon hearing han

Han: HAN LEVELS UP FROM STRESS AND FAZES OUT OF EXISTENCE

Closing the door behind them inside the room they look about flustered. They all take a beat to listen and hear the sound of footsteps coming closer down the corridor. they decide to dive under the beds and hide, though there isnt enough for all of them. 

Psalm casts Invisibility on Han while the rest of them pile under, she quickly moves and sticks herself as close to the wall as possible. Finn in particular also quickly shifts into a bat and hangs himself from a corner of the ceiling

Rokka: rokka rolls off the bed with an OOF then rolls under the bed he was on Cimmorro: plum who is the smallest has the hardest time shuffling under the bed and stubs their toe Rokka: stubs toe and screams FUCK, it echoes down the hall

After a beat they all listen as the footsteps near closer and closer to the door, they hear a shuffling before it is opened up by a hooded figure, human, though his cloak looks more ornately decorated that the guards from before.

Han: whats boytoy doing Jez: whipping his dick out,  he came here to jack off bro we all gotta watch him Han: SOME ME TIME Plum: YOU CALLED EM BOYTOYBHHJ Rokka: HSUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPSHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Psalm: HE CAMEM HERE TO JACK OFGF i'm unsubscribing from pornhub right now Plum: jez, jez, what haunts you Cimmorro: LKVGDASJKLGJDSJBSJFNB Rokka: this is like a bad wattpad fic Cimmorro: yall wanted to share beds we're getting a different kind of sharing today Finn: . Han: save a citizen share a cultist Finn: WHAT IS HE GONNA DO WATCH OUR BEDS ALL DAY Cimmorro: HES GONNA WANK IT BRO Rokka: SHUT HT EHLEL UP

He walks inside and peers about the room, eyeing the floors and the walls stepping around and staring carefully. It almost seems as if he makes eye contact at one point with Han but he continues moving his gaze past her. 

Olst: “Where on earth have those louts gotten too” he clicks his tongue and turns to walk out of the room  “Discipline is in order, hopefully our grace feels the need to be more quick with his hand…” his mumbling putters off as he shuts the door behind him

Plum: THEYREEE DEAD Psalm: OH MY GOD I JUST REALISED WHO HE MEANT OH MY GOD WE KILLED HIS FAVOURITE MOOKS Han: THE GUYS WE KILLED ;KASDFKH;LKHWKH3EF Rokka: im laughing MY FUCKING ASS OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

The group one by one slowly emerge from under the beds, Han takes a moment before peering out the door, seeing the man walk down the stairs towards the blood pool room. She whispers out “coasts clear” before walking out the room still invisible to follow him, Finn in bat form follows after her to also trail him.

Psalm: psalm to himself like... god maybe i should've explained how invis works first Han: han said coast clear and fucked off Finn: i wish i could've asked psalm for an explanation on invisible i have no idea when this runs out

The group meanwhile decide to check out the room the man came from in the meantime since he just left it, walking back to the middle of the corridor, sneaking past. Keva stops briefly at the top of the stairs to listen in on any conversation from the blood pool room

As she does Han and Finn follow the hooded man, she slowly scuttles down the staircase standing quietly at the bottom and hanging out of sight with Finn. There she sees 3 other figures, each wearing ornate looking cloaks, one they’ve not seen before. As the human approaches the others he speaks

Olst: “the acolytes are becoming lax in their duties, this is because you aren’t strict enough with them” he stares directly as the tiefling as he says that, to which he babbles back ???: you know th-that is not my responsibility Olst..” the human tuts and clicks his tongue. Emruz: The woman on the far end pipes up “quit your gripping your voice is as annoying as venom, you can discuss the trivialities later our grace has requested all of to assemble now and I’ll have quiet as we do” the two glare at each other for a moment Olst: he relents, responding with an “..of course” The four of them gather near the front of the of the pool and stand at attention.

Han watches them close their eyes, as if waiting for something for a few beats. Keva moves on to where the rest of the group are stationed in front of the door down the corridor. 

Rokka: yo is theyorde going to rise from blood pool Psalm: GOD CAN YOU IMAGINE WE WERE FUCKING AROUND IN THERE Finn: finn and han listening to this shit:  Psalm: YEAH CAN YOU IMAGINE THE TWO THAT HATE THIS SHIT THE MOST ARE THE ONES WATCHING THE BLOOD POOL MEETING Han: MOST FUCKING BAGGAGE Finn: FINALLY WE HAVE A COMMON ENEMY FOR SOCIAL LINK RANK 1

> 🎵  The Final Combat / Darkest Dungeon OST.

Han continues watching before suddenly she sees all of their eyes snap open, they all tilt their heads up before clasping their hands together out of some sort of reverence. The longer she watches the more it looks like they’re listening to something. Slowly her and Finn see smiles begin to form on their faces, albeit who’s mouths they can actually see. After a moment they bow their heads again, before unclasping their hands.

They see the woman on the far left immediately cackle and gesticulate with her hands with joy 

Emruz: “I KNEW IT I KNEW IT, ony two more days’ time, our grace is amazing indeed finally we will bring down those who stand upon their ivory towers, bring them crashing down to a place wherein we might exact our revenge and force their penance.” Ida: Next to her the drow contemplatively nod in agreement while ???: The tiefling keeps his hands clasped together in reverence muttering “ohh it is true it is true, finally we are ready to enact his great design, the results of our tireless devotion…” Olst: the human next to him chuckles as well “the streets above shall run red as they so deserve, the brood will overtake them at every turn, their defences shall be their very ruin”

The four walk up to the blood pool and touch its outer rim bringing one other hand up to their lips, they speak a coded hymn out loud, as they do they their hands glow a faint red before they are surrounded by a flash. Once complete they step away again, the elf woman speaks up once more 

Emruz: “may their soak in their own fluids” before she cackles wildly again.

---

Notes:

🗡 Keva pocketed another「  Red Letterhead Token ✨ 」 🍺 Plum holds the「 Jailer’s Keys ✨ 」 💀5 guards seem to be lax in their duties....

- 48 Hours until 📜🩸 The Reckoning 🩸📜 -

[rqs902]

......i had my doubts about naicha’s group this week..... but OH MY GOODNESSSSS i shoulda trusted in him, like he always says to.... they literally perform the most technically challenging boyband stages ive ever seen??????? ? ?? (at least on a survival show, if not overall...) like last time their stage was challenging and required skill, but this week !?!?!! EVEN MORE SO?!?!! and i didnt think that was even possible for them to put in enough practice in such a short timeline to pull off such a difficult performance wtf???? they mustve worked so hard wow im just... wow.................. AND naicha choreographed it himself AND they showcased so many of their individual talents AND they all pulled it off together well. what a group......... their stages are incredible. 

also gao xin being the most supportive cheerleader and smiling the whole time while he’s watching them from backstage... i love him and this whole group dynamic wow

watching re yati’s group interactions im always stuck on whether i actually like huang boxuan.. on one hand i feel like he seems kinda sneaky?? like the kind of person who schemes a lot, but also on the other hand, he’s just being smart? like he’s just trying to stay alive, which is understandable. i do think he could work on making his smile look more natural on stage LOL. Shi zixun may have thrown a tantrum last time but omg when hes smiling you can really see that qingchun like innocence and happiness its actually so infectious hahaha

zhibo is my bias in pinlin’s group!!! hes got room to improve but i cant help it. also the whole pinlin and yunlong crying when Fei started talking part........ goodness it made me remember how much these swin kids have been through (most of which i am not even fully aware tbh) but i think i (maybe) have an inkling of what cai xukun went through and im assuming they also suffered a lot similarly. but they may have it worse bc xukun is at least very successful now, whereas these kids..... are still struggling, for the most part. Pinlin definitely stands out and he definitely has impressive stage presence and talent and leadership ability. i can see him becoming as successful as cai xukun one day. i’m glad they were able to wow more his performance, bc i agree they haven’t really stood out to me as an impressive group in the past. 

IM SMILING THROUGHOUT ALL OF HE YIFAN’S GROUP. HAHHAAHA omg this performance is an entire meme hHAHHAHA yifan’s soooo cute hahahha AW every interaction between yifan and pinlin....... theyre so nice to see

wow the camera work is really nice during wang di’s group’s stage :o i really think this group has improved. Not gonna lie, xiao bo has never stood out to me before in the past, but this time he really caught my attention on stage! i havent paid attention but i think hes their main dancer / leading their practices, but his stage presence was strong this time

chen zexin’s voiceeeeeeeee omg even singing a song like ‘just right’ he could stand out with his vocals. feels bad for his groupmates tho, like none of them get to show off their vocals lol. i dont like the way they changed the choreo LOL

i really like yixuan but tbh his group’s stage was ..... aight.... like maybe its just bc i dont like this song but idk i dont think they fit this style anyway? everyone except yixuan was kinda awkward tbh... i see why zong ying didnt fit.... im still super sad about zong ying’s loss but.... this stage.... i didnt care too much for, why is the chorus literally them yelling???? I’m happy for hong weizhe’s solo dance part tho!!! wow so many flips what acrobat :o 

omgosh just watching AJ and shuchen making the choreo it just looks like its gonna be so cool wow. uhhh how old is jojo / Song wenxin, bc he looks so smol and cute!!! but also is one the ones teaching the dance?? hahah (o i looked it up, hes born in 2000 omg) JOJO GIVING ME NCT FEELS??? wait omg WHAT THIS STAGE IS SO GOOD WTFFFFFFFF the choreo you can tell has AJ and shuchen’s style in it hahahaha but like wow i actually wanna download this song, and i think this is the first song on this show that has actually given me that strong of a inclination to actually wanna download it. props to huang junze for arranging the music and having the confidence to insist to shuchen and yang tong that he could do it! man and AJ wrote some rap too?? wow he mustve worked so hard and lost a ton of sleep preparing for this stage. honestly i think they should’ve won..................

OMGOHSH THE NEXT EP PREVIEW!! IM EXCITED TO WATCH HONG WEIZHE’S DANCE!!! he looks so graceful and has incorporated ballet!! omg im excited! but also.... as long as AJ’s group is safe (which im rather sure they will be, since theyre popular lol), i dont think ill be that bothered by whoever is eliminated next week. ;;; and as long as these individual competitions... rap, dance, vocal, etc, as long as they dont cause any more of them to hurt themselves/ get in accidents.... at least theyre not doing those dumb physical activities anymore lol and im glad some of them (LIKE WEIZHE) will get to show off a bit of their personal talents!! uhhh also the fact that they have to start having a vip show.... they have literally too much content HAHHAHA too much footage that they’re splitting it into two shows....... 

honestly im liking this show more and more. as we’ve gotten to know more of the kids, and we get to see all their hard work and efforts, and their subsequently shining stages, it’s definitely been more enjoyable. i have definitely picked out some favs within the last few eps, and im sad that a few didnt get to perform on stage, but thankfully at least they didnt get eliminated. (can we please get some more zongying time next ep??) overall, i am still relatively disappointed by the show’s music choices / stages in general. (not because of the kids themselves, but because of what materials the show gives them to perform with). im looking forward to seeing more and more improvement from the show and the kids though!