It's weird how your memory holds random things. Like, I remember where I was when I found out Leave won the Brexit vote. I was in a ride-share in Seattle on my way to the airport to get back to Austin after the last trip I ever took with my birth family.
I just remember thinking "oh shit... This seriously didn't happen..." and that's when the possibility of Trump actually winning really hit me, but I still brushed it off like, "nah that can't happen" and then it did.
I also remember where I was when it was announced Trump won. I was in the living room of my tiny apartment in San Marcos, and it was one of the few sober days I had while living there because I had work at 5 am and couldn't risk both staying up to watch the election and get so high and drunk I pass out. I had recently just adopted Milo, too, and he was freaked out because I was freaking out and pacing in my like 500 square foot apartment.
Anyway, memory is weird, huh?
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I hate gasparilla.
I hate what this city has become.
That I can't afford to live in the same apartment complex I grew up in even though I make more money than my mom did all those years ago now that I'm her age.
I hate that 300,000 people descend upon the city. Drunk off their ass by 10am...leaving garbage and beads in their destructive wake. And after, when the bay finds itself replenished with plastic and the streets are strewn with empty bottles and cans and flags and trash.
I am angry that people who paid for an airbnb listing two doors down from me walk by in the late of night. I am enraged that I can hear their voices clear as day, "I couldn't live here...my garage is bigger than this." Assholes that slink by my door at 3am, alerting the cats and scaring the breath out of me as they drape beads on the doorknob as if I know them, as if I give two shits about this annual pseudo celebration that has gone on for as long as I can remember.
As if I live here by choice. As if I can't get ahead because everythings going up except for my income. As if I haven't been in this city my entire life. As I've cradled my breaking heart, watching as gentrification consumes the very neighborhoods now clogged with out of state plates. The ones that used to leave but now they seem to stay. This rich unique history of storied architecture demolished and replaced by the ever exponentially increasing l u x u r y squares.
And yea, maybe some of that is on me.... For being lazy, for hating the "job search"... I'm angry about that too. Yeah, I've kept a roof over my head since I left at 18. Yea it's "smaller than your garage" but at least it's a roof and it's safe and it's quiet and at least for the next 30 days it's mine.
Fucking pesudo pirate garbage assholes. Who are you to shit on all of it?
I'm so angry.
A ball full of rage. Seething and writhing under the weight of this entrapment.
Fuck.
I hate gasparilla.
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The fact my wife kins diluc while I kin kaeya, our colours have always been red and blue, she's always hot while I'm always cold, it's like we were meant to find kaeluc, I've always felt that we were meant to be like I was never a "fated lovers" person growing up
I met her when I was 10 and she was 13. She terrified me, she was older and quiet and different and I didn't know how to talk to her, I didnt even think of her again until I got her younger sister as my "reading buddy" when I was like 12 and I didn't remember who she was lmao
Cut to me at 13, drinking heavily, smoking and all around just not doing well, I get invested in a dumb anime to distract myself which was Ouran, autism took over and it became my personality and queued a message from her, first time we spoke in nearly 4 years
I don't have a memory of when exactly I started liking her through our few months of new friendship, I just know when I told her she outright rejected me lmaooo it hurt so bad but we were still friends
Three months go by and someone else is interested in me, a new friend I'd only known a few weeks, I plan a date with her and my wife texts me the day before and asks if she can come talk to me about something, I say okay
She tells me she likes me and she'd like to go out, now fun fact I have bpd and autism and just issues so my feelings are muddled super easily and it was always hard to tell feelings from friendship, I thought I was past my feelings but I was wrong
We started dating on September 7th 2013,it wasn't an easy start between my self esteem and attachment issues and her general awkwardness due to sheltered upbringing so I thought she didn't like me when it turned out she was just embarrassed to ask to kiss me, communicating wasn't our strong suit
We've never broken up, never had a break in general but had a very rough patch that we came out of so much stronger, we've been together 9 years, 13 and 15 to 23 and 26 (she's got 2 years and 11 months on me lmao) I really genuinely think with my entire being that we were meant to be together, she came into my life at a really awful time and we've helped eachother through our worst years
We have our own place now, we're engaged and have a cat and are happy despite not having much other than eachother
She's my Diluc, I'm her Kaeya, that's why I'm so obsessed with the concept of them together because they're so so similar to us and I am so in love with her
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'Saying things in a funny way' is an op skillset for real though.
Latest example 'when you're late coming home and I don't know why I get worried about you and think perhaps there has been a car accident and this is why I send check-in texts' = distressing concept, explains the texting as something other than controlling behavior but still sounds neurotic and may increase any aversion felt toward it
'When I don't know why you aren't home yet I start to think maybe you got eaten by a car' = funny, sympathetic, likely to make such texts less burdensome to receive.
Why is communication like this.
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