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#Im tired and i feel like ill go to sleep soon BUT
theclosetedskeleton · 9 months
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SAPPY KINDA NIGHT TONIGHT ^^
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nights-flying-fox · 1 year
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Ah-a I'm free from exams!! Happy new month ^^ *hands you Magnetic Duo doodle*
(I call this "doodle" but it's actually "was supossed to be a doodle but took almost 2 hours to complete")
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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I'm always waiting, just waiting and waiting and waiting for something that I don't understand but I need so desperately
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apricote · 8 months
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hi guys, how are you
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goblinpercy · 2 years
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once again i am anxious about health related issues outside of my control
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
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toastsnaffler · 2 months
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one unfortunate thing abt watching bloody violent up-close-and-personal movies is that it makes me even more crazy touchstarved than usual after.. I need to wrestle someone NOW
#i need to BITE. or lie in someones lap and let them stroke my hair#also now my family have left i probably wont even get a hug for a longass time......... its dire out here#ik my flatmate said a while ago she wouldnt mind if i wanted more physical contact or whatever but ik thats not true#bc she always seems so physically uncomfortable near me or moves so distinctly far out of my space like i get the message man#and its just difficult for me for so many complicated reasons. sigh#im just tired of feeling so lonely always all the time. and so ostracised or alienated in every community and relationship in my life#and i know thats my own fucking fault bc im stupidly incapable of allowing myself to trust and believe other people abt anything#and partly also bc im disabled and autistic as shit etcetc and so will always come across weird and Other and i have no control over that#but mostly its my fault. and i dont even know where to begin trying to fix that man. if its even fixable in this lifetime i dont even know#but it sucks ass im so tired of being sad and close to tears 90% of the time i cry on the fucking daily even on good days#dont get me wrong im doing pretty okay at the moment like i dont even really have any Real problems its all just in my fucking head#but unfortunately thats the head i live in. and will live in the rest of my life so i guess im always gonna feel like this on some level#so i need to just accept it and be grateful for the shit i have bc it could be so so much worse#and yet i cant just do that so here we are!!!!!!!!! oh well.#maybe a part of me likes being miserable. or feels like i deserve it. bc im really fucking good at it lmao#anyway i should go to bed soon before this gets worse. at least i dont have work tmr so i can do smth nice or chill all day#and there have been lots of nice things today too.. ah i just need to sleep#sorry for rambling my ass off with my mentally ill monologues again 🙃 well not that sorry bc youll see me do it again lol#.vent#.diaries
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thistlekiss · 5 months
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Ignore
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ninkikong · 1 year
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blwh
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taintedcigs · 4 months
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i slept with someone from corroded coffin and all i got was this stupid song written about me.
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ROCKSTAR!FBOY!EDDIE X READER
summary: fooling around with a famous rockstar who's a notorious playboy sounds perfect on paper, until you catch feelings for him. that's why you decide to end things, to not get your feelings get hurt, and its all going perfectly, until eddie releases a song, written all about you.
warnings: smut, p in v, MINORS DNI!!!!, pet names, praising?, lovey dovey, kinda angst and arguments, drgs & alcohol mention, swearing? idk this is kinda cheesy n cute with a mix of fluff sprinkled honestly!
author's note: the indented parts are texts between steve and reader and thenn reader and eddie. they look confusing as fuck im sorry i just wanted to make them look unique but they look stupid. also yes. i patted myself in the back after i found this title (thank you fob). and yes the lyrics are inspired by i don't care im on a fob kick sue me! and ofc fboy!eddie isn't actually that much of a fboy bc if i can't write lovesick eddie ill die. this is super cheesy so i still struggled a lot but UGH. not proof-read ignore all mistakes
also credits to @dumplingsjinson for the prompts! (i changed them but still!) and @saradika for the dividers! pls like + rb + interact w me in anyway to support my writings!! ty!!
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DINGUS sent you a spotify link. did you listen to this? yeah. its kinda romantic. no. the lyrics are insane. n all about u okay? are u at the party rn? yeah. u comin? soon he’s there too u already knew that, didn’t u?  false accusations r rude, steve.
You click your phone off with a groan, but he was right. You couldn’t stay away from him, and maybe, just maybe, this was your way of running into him, accidentally. 
Because ever since he released the song, the tabloids had gone crazy with it, half of the lyrics screamed you and all of the old headlines pointed at you, the mystery girl Eddie used to be seen with, and you really were growing tired of seeing your name next to “Munson’s new girl.” 
Because you weren’t his new girl, you weren’t his anything. He was a cocky asshole who was good with a guitar and was even better at fucking. And that was something both of you could relate to, the only thing you had in common with him. Or, so you thought. 
But of course, as with everything else, the things between you changed, you started staying over, he started staying over, and the two of you even went on fucking dates, disguising them under ‘we were just hungry, is all.’ 
You tried to keep up the cool girl act, like you could fuck someone and not catch feelings. Every inch of you itched not to care, to act like it was all fine, but it was all fucking bullshit, you cared, so fucking much that your chest ached. The more you got to know him, the more you fell for him, and the more you fell for him, the more you realized there was no fucking way this would work. 
Cocky rockstar who spent more time doing drugs than sleeping, with girls all over him? The imaginary red flag bells rang in your ear, even now. He wasn’t looking for a relationship and you knew that. That’s why you ended it two months ago. Or at least, you started ignoring him two months ago. 
Yet, he had been calling and texting you, wanting to meet up, drunken slurs of nonsense, gibberish voicemails, and yet you never answered, because if you did, you knew you’d be back to pathetically swooning over him.
Until today, just because of that stupid song, like it meant anything. That douchebag probably wrote songs about every girl he fucked. 
You weren’t special. 
Another ding sound from your phone almost startled you, the contact name made you groan even louder. “don’t FUCKING answer.” That didn’t mean shit. It was just something stupid to make you feel better that you couldn’t stay away from him, because you knew, deep down that if you really didn’t want him to contact you, you would’ve deleted his number, and blocked him. You were too chicken shit to do that, and still desperately wanted to hear from him. 
So you settled on that contact name. Like it made a difference, like it changed anything. 
DONT FUCKING ANSWER did you listen to the song?
Don’t fucking answer. The contact name should be enough to convince yourself that.
Too late.
                                                                   no. don’t lie to me, sweetheart.                                                                            why would i lie?
You sink into the couch, a much quieter corner of the party, not even bothering to socialize. Your brows furrow, index finger flying to your lips anxiously, as you chew on it to patiently wait for an answer.
You sip on your drink with a nervous gaze on your screen, barely noticing the way the couch sink further when someone else took a seat next to you. 
“Hi.” The gravelly voice pulls your attention away from the screen, making you set your drink aside as you look up, finding yourself face-to-face with him. 
Shaggy bangs cascade onto his forehead, and with your exaggeration, it looks longer than the last time you saw him. Black jeans cladded with chains. A graphic tee messily thrown over his heavily tatted chest, that you could still imagine right about now—pathetic. He looked just about the same, the deep dimple adorning his soft cheeks had seemed to disappear, wearing a scowl instead, that tiny voice in your head told you that was your doing, that maybe he was just as miserable as you. Maybe your feelings weren’t fully one-sided.  
Shit. 
“Eddie?” Squeaky, and annoying, you were sure that’s how your tone sounded, yet he didn’t seem to comment on it.
“‘m glad you remember my name, sweetheart,” he scoffs sarcastically, leaning further into the plush couch, elbow propped at the side, eyeing you with frustration. 
“W—what the hell are you doing here?” You stutter as if you weren’t expecting to run into him. Full of bullshit. 
“Did ya really think you could ignore me forever, huh?” He tilts his head slightly, almost expectedly, earning an eye roll from you. 
“I wasn’t ignoring yo—”
Eddie tuts quickly, his gaze locking onto yours with an intensity that cuts through the ambient noise of the party, “I thought we said no more lies, huh?” 
With a huff, “Why are you here, Eddie?” you mumble.
“Am I not allowed to party?” He banters, brows slightly raised, making you huff out an exasperated breath, your eyes bore into him, almost to signal him ‘Take this seriously.’
“I wanted to know what you thought.” He shrugs like it was normal to just come running after everything just to know what you thought of the song. 
“The song?” He nods in confirmation.
“Didn’t like it,” you confess, avoiding his gaze, but your brows betray you, lifting ever so slightly.
He tsks, shutting you off quickly, “You see that little quirk your brow did? That only happens when you lie, you can’t help it. You do that when I ask you if you ate the last pizza slice, or when I ask if you watched the next episode of the show we were supposed to watch together, or when you—” 
“Fine, fine! I liked it,” you groan, interrupting him and suddenly standing up from the comfort of the couch, being so face-to-face with him immediately making your nerves bubble.
“Just liked?” He tilts his head slightly, a smirk curving on his lips. 
A deep sigh of breath, “what do you want, Munson?”
He stands up with you, making you back away from him with a heavy footstep, the entire party was too loud and crowded, yet, in this stupid corner, it was just the two of you. “For you to admit that you loooved the song, and how much you missed me,” he sing-songs, taking a step closer to you, musky smell invading your senses, making you take a deep breath.
Both of you stand near the wall, and it should be awkward, it should be enough to make you leave, but all it does is draw you closer to him.
“You’re annoying.” 
“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”
“I wasn’t avoiding—” He tuts, with his stupid index finger up, rejecting your lie.
“I—I don’t know what you expected.” You shrug, so nonchalantly that his gaze narrows, chest aching with the implications of your words.
“We both knew this wouldn’t last forever, didn’t we?” You chew the inside of your lip to stop those tears that had been begging to flow ever since you listened to the song, wiping off that smirk on Eddie’s lips. 
“Would’ve been nice if I got a reminder, and not have been just fully ghosted, huh?” The brunette grumbles with a downturn of his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. 
“Oh, don’t act all high and mighty, isn’t that what you do all the fucking time?” you snap, gaze narrowed, and arms crossed against your chest. 
“Fuck girls and then leave them? Did it crush your ego this fucking much that I did before you could?” 
“What the fuck does that mean?” He retaliates. 
“It means I was smart enough to pull myself away from your bullshit,” you rasp, disdain written all over your face.The room seems to shrink as the distance between you decreases. 
Another step closer to you, and you didn’t realize your back had hit the wall now. “My bullshit? God, that’s fucking rich, if I seem to recall correctly sweetheart, you were in this as much as I fucking was!”
“Oh, was I?” You bark out a chuckle, cruel, mocking, “I don’t remember being okay with you fucking half the city.” Realization of how bitter and jealous that sounds, dawns on you much later than the words leave your lips, and thankfully, Eddie’s too fucking immersed to realize the double meaning of your words. 
“Are you fucking kidding? No strings attached! Non-exclusive! That’s what you fuckin’ signed up for!” His voice echoes, mirroring his frustration, and you open your mouth.
But he doesn’t let you speak further, cutting you off sharply. “Is this all because of that new guy you’re seein’?” 
“What? What guy?” 
“The one who was all over you earlier,” he bites out, jaw clenched, and you can almost taste his bitterness in the air.  
“The same one you fucked at Jeff’s party.”
“Are you stalking me, Munson?” 
“Did you just want an excuse to end things? Are the two of you serious or somethin’?” His voice wavered between anger and desperation, gaze pathetically searching for yours, to gauge your reaction.
You scoff. Did he really think you’d end things because of a stupid fling you had which in the first place occurred just so you could forget him? He was so goddamn clueless it drove you insane. 
But what you didn’t realize was that you were just as clueless, if not more, because why would he write a song all about you, if this was just about sex? Because who would get so jealous of someone they didn’t care about? 
Say my name and his in the same breath.
I dare you to say they taste the same. 
The lyrics from his stupid song swirled your thoughts, yet you were still too stupid to see it, weren’t you?
Another step closer to you, a dangerous game the two of you liked to play. He smelled alluring, a fucked up mix of nicotine, his musky cologne, and that damn leather jacket. “Do you really think, he could compare to me, sweetheart?” 
Say my name and his in the same breath.
“Tell me he’s fucking better, and he’s actually what you want, and I’ll fucking leave, I’ll bury all the other songs I wrote, tell me, and I’ll be out of your hair forever.”
I dare you to say they taste the same. 
And just like that, all the defenses you put up, all the times you ignored him, they are cracked, disappearing into thin air. You hate it, you hate that he has this effect on you, you can feel your mind getting hazier, eyes blinking rapidly to process what the fuck is going on, and his face is mere inches away from yours. You knew their names didn’t taste the same. And you knew he could never ever compare to Eddie.
“Tell me,” he encourages, dares you to. You fail to notice how much emotion his gaze carries, how the corners of his lips twitch, just at the thought of you finally admitting you don’t want him. His stomach turns at the thought, this is his last chance, he knows that, and he can’t fucking lose you. He can’t. 
And you don’t know any of that, but you knew, know that no one else could compare to him. And you hate yourself for thinking that, you hate yourself for falling for him, the world stops rotating on its axis when he’s in your peripheral vision, and it’s fucking disgusting. Pathetic. Stupid. Because you know the two of you have no chance. But here you are. 
“H—he is b—” Of course, your brow quirks up almost immediately, betraying you quicker than you can even attempt to lie. 
That dawning smirk appears on his lips again, it’s mocking, and just as much smug. You want to wipe it off of his stupidly pretty face. “Tell me,” he dares you, again. This time much cockier and confident, and you suddenly realize how small you feel under him.
“He isn’t,” your meek voice is barely audible.
And you don’t register the shaky breath he draws when the words leave your lips, giving him the confirmation he needs. You wanted him, he had no fucking clue why you ghosted him, yet you still wanted him. Just as much as he wanted you. 
Both of his hands were placed on the wall now, towering over you, making your breath get caught up in your throat. “Speak up.”
“No, fuck! You know he’s not, you know he could never fucking compare to you, you fucking know tha—” He shuts you up with a rough kiss, lips pressed against yours messily, letting the petty comments die down your throat. Because this is all he wanted, needed to hear anyway. 
“Up,” he grunts into the kiss, tapping your thighs, hoisting you up from your waist to help you wrap your legs around him, tight, he wants you at his mercy, locked to him. 
You wrap your legs around him, barely, the melty sensation in your knees making you so shaky that he barks out a laugh into your lips, holding you close, firm, the butterflies in your stomach traveling all across your body.
He lifts you up as if you are weightless, arms wrapped around you strongly as he carries you to the nearest empty bedroom, impressively without hitting your back anywhere, so roughly that your core throbs at the feeling of his arms around you.
“Baby,” he mutters as he lowers you down on the bed swiftly, smooth, gaze darkened and pupils blown wide, all the pent up desire waiting to explode. 
“Eddie,” you beg, shaky voice sounding purely angelic to his ears once he got rid of his shirt, shrugging it off with a huff, his fingertips grazing against your top, feeling your hardened nipples, causing gasps out of you, he’s quick to pull it over your head while you run your fingers up the grooves of his stomach, the tip of your fingertips almost burns everywhere you touch. 
He groans at the sight of your bare breasts, “missed thi-you,” he corrects himself, because that’s all he wanted anyways, you. 
He nips at your nipples, tongue good at giving attention to both of them, all wet and warm, making you squirm under his touch, you’re quick to get rid of everything else, leaving you in your panties, making him grunt. 
The pad of his thumb rubs against your left nipple, leaving goosebumps in its wake, while his other hand travels down your chest, then your stomach, finally drawing circles when it stops between your thighs, ghosting over your panties before he tugs them down your legs, spreading them apart with a slight hum, pupils blown so wide that you can’t admire those chocolate hues anymore. 
He visually drinks in that sight of you, laid down on the couch, eyes squeezed shut, back arched, and he hasn’t even touched you yet. You’re completely at his mercy and his chest aches with need. “So pretty like this f’me,” he coos into your chest, pushing his middle finger inside of you. Making you feel so good that you can’t stop the gasps coming out of your lips.   
Pleasure shivers through everywhere he sucks and touches, his finger eases into you when he adds another one, a moan escaping you quickly. “Need to be in here, sweetheart, d’ya have any idea how much I missed this?” 
You don’t. You don’t know about the sleepless nights, the drunken ones, the drug-induced ones in an attempt to recreate the high you gave him. It’s fucked up, it’s insanely toxic. Yet, he can’t get enough of you. 
His gaze upon you is dangerous, maybe it’s because he had missed you so goddamn much, or maybe because he didn’t know where this would lead, but it felt fucking sentimental, different somehow, and he could feel you, everywhere on his skin.
Your hips start rocking up against him when the pad of his thumb flicks over your clit, making you arch your back, whines, mumbles leaving your lips. And all he can muster is, “so goddamn beautiful, look at you whining for me.”
You can feel his bulge rub against your thigh every now and then, it’s distracting, almost agonizing. You desperately need it inside of you, you had missed him, missed his touch, missed the feeling of him filling you to the brim, you missed seeing his face contort in pleasure when he was inside of you, you wanted him to never forget you again. 
That’s why you feel so numb, can barely speak, and of course, Eddie notices, how unusually quiet you are, and he wants to make this unforgettable, just so you have another reason to come back to him. Just so you don’t leave him, just so you stay forever. 
“Gone too quiet on me, honey, tell me what you need,” he coos down at you, thumb still caressing your pussy, and all you can fucking do is chew down on your bottom lips, eyeing his bulge that was begging to get out. And he barks out a goddamn chuckle, “P—please, Eddie.” Pathetically leaves your lips. 
And normally he would make you beg, tease further, but he reaches to tug down his pants quickly, because fuck, he had missed you. And he can’t bear the thought of not being inside of you any longer. 
Thinking is not your strongest suit right now either, your brain is mushy, all the nights and days spent thinking about him, about this explodes into your body. Your pussy aches when you finally see his cock again, a sound of need leaving your lips as you eye his length, so big that pleasure ripples through you, especially when you see his gushy tip, glistening with pre-cum. 
You want every fucking inch inside of you, and Eddie’s more than ready to oblige, “What do you need, baby? Tell me.”
“Need you, Eddie,” you moan, all fucked out, his fingers slip in and out of you still, but it isn’t enough for him. He needs more, he craves your validation like he never has before. 
“God, you’re soakin’ my fingers, princess,” he grunts, wedging himself between your thighs, weeping cock drips onto your inner thighs, making you moan breathlessly. “Tell me exactly what you fuckin’ want, honey.”
“Eddie.” His name sounds like silk, even when it’s so lewd, Eddie decides, and it makes him let out an impatient huff. “P—please. Need you to fuck me.” It’s so goddamn desperate that you can feel heat rise to your cheeks, but it’s everything to him.
“Want you to fuck me like you mean it.”
“Oh, that’s easy, sweetheart,” he grunts, lining his cock through your entrance, coating himself in your slick, enjoying your mewls before he doesn’t hesitate to push his cock inside of you, inch by inch, relishing the way you cry out for him. 
Greedily, you rock your hips into him, making him let out a frustrated groan. “Have no fuckin’ idea how much I missed this greedy cunt, sweetheart, shit.” He thrusts in a few more inches, and breathless moans and babbles of his name fill the air.
“Suckin’ me right in, baby, fuck, you’re so pretty like this, mhmm.” His cock moves inside of you, and your hands are wrapped around his back, desperately clawing at it, the fullness making you want more, “you like that, baby, like bein’ full of me?” A heavy sound leaves his lips, pathetic and you pulse around him. 
“S’so good Eddie, and s’big,” you barely manage to let out, and he watches you with that burning amber gaze, thrusting all the way in without hesitation. Those plushy lips that hang open, that filthy mouth, the prettiest fucking features—you, were going to be the death of him. 
Maybe it’s because you had missed him, or maybe because you hadn’t experienced this in a long time, or fuck, maybe, just maybe that the song had created a new type of need between the two of you. Using sex as a sort of connection that the both of you desperately needed. But, shit, was it this different this time. 
He felt different—his lips, touch, skin as it slapped against yours, it was different. 
Full. You feel so fucking full that your back involuntarily arches against him, fingers clenching desperately, your screams and cries filling the room the more he plunges inside of you, deeper, hungry, and just as greedy as you. 
“Yeah, better than that asshole?” It rolls off his lips so bitter and jealous that you can barely register it. Not being used to this possessive side of him, and it’s glorious, especially when he’s pounding his frustrations and insecurities into you. 
“Mhmm, so much better.” You clawed at his back, every thrust of his hip making you feel higher and higher, mind filled with nothing but him. 
“So pretty like this when you say my name, sweetheart… so goddamn beautiful, and all mine, yea?” He wants a confirmation, and wants to hear you say it, his head ducking between your breasts again to kiss, taste, suckle them. Make sure he never forgets it. 
“Wanna hear you say it.” He hums, the vibrations reverberating through your chest straight into your core, cock plowed so deep inside of you that you can barely speak through your cries, hitting that sweet spot that every other asshole misses. 
You’re too scared to give him what he wants. But you feel him, everywhere, and you still want more, of course, you’re his. That’s all you fucking wanted anyway. Plushy lips shake as you gaze up at him, his amber hues are so sticky-sweet that you still struggle to process it, words come out in a ramble “All yours, Eddie.”
His mouth crashes onto yours roughly, desire coursing through both of your bodies, almost interconnected. “Shit, fuckin’ hell sweetheart, ‘m not gonna last long.” His thrusts are getting sloppier, yet you feel the ravaging desire coursing through your veins. 
“So perfect,” he murmurs, the kiss he lays on your lips just as relentless, not letting you breathe or think for a goddamn second, you’re so goddamn close.
And you wonder, how the fuck did you even go two months without this? Without him?
“Eddie!” You cry out once you feel the pad of his thumb rubbing against your clit, eyes squeezed shut as your orgasm washes over you. Pure bliss overtakes you while you claw at his back, his body tenses, and cock flexes as he cums inside of you, groans and curses left in your hair. 
Minutes pass of you lying next to each other, breathless, processing everything that just transpired. And you should feel guilty, embarrassed, and should run to the hills for doing this with him again. 
But you’re obsessed, addicted. He’s like an excitement that you’re sure you’ve never felt before, running through your veins, like a fucking drug. 
Both of you get dressed in silence, the party booming outside is quick to bring the two of you back to reality, and out of the trance that he pulled you in. 
He breaks your bewilderment with a slight “Fuck.” Standing on the opposite side of the bed before he fully turns to you. “This wasn’t—I was supposed to talk to you.” He mutters, fingertips anxiously running through his tousled hair.
Caught off guard and awfully curious, you mumble, “About what?”
“The song…”
“I told you I liked it.”
His brow furrows deeper, and he shakes his head in frustration. “No, that’s not it—uh, did you not listen to the lyrics?”
“I did.”
“And?”
Your face searches his for some clarity, you take a step closer to him, the distance between the two of you was still awfully much according to him. “What are you asking of me, Eddie? Did you really think one song would just solve everything?”
“You don’t get it, do you?”
“W—what am I supposed to get Eddie? You wanna have your cake and eat it too! And I just can’t fucking do that, not anymore.”
“That’s—that’s not it!” His voice wavers, with urgency, and desperation in his tone. He takes a step forward, attempting to bridge the emotional gap, feeling so fucking frustrated that he wants to rip his hair out.
“Then fucking explain it to me!” You plead. 
“You want an explanation, fine! Fucking fine!” His frustration echoed through the room, pacing back and forth, making you take a deep breath. 
Was he… actually gonna do this? 
“You wanna know what the fuck I’ve been doing ever since you ghosted me?” He ran a hand through his hair, scared, gaze all mellow and vulnerable in a way you have never seen before. It makes your shoulders slump when you nod. 
“I go to those stupid Hollywood parties, meet asshole rockstars—the most interesting shit, yet somehow someway the thought of you will pop up in my mind, uncalled for, might I add, and then I can’t stop thinking about it, can’t stop thinking about you the whole fucking day.” Your eyes widen, trying to absorb his revelation, yet he won’t stop rambling and you feel your chest tighten with each word, fuck, he’s finally doing it.
“I—I never—shit! I never thought myself capable of feeling things like this, but fuck, you came along, with that goddamn smile, throwing a manicured middle finger right in my face, a—and just put up with my bullshit.” His voice softened, and he couldn’t help but trace the contours of your face, to desperately know if you were on the same boat, and you look at him with such glistened eyes that his heart leaps to his stomach. 
“My world flipped upside down, and you have proven me, so goddamn wrong that I don’t even know who the fuck I am anymore!” The tears almost welled in your eyes, because, fuck, there was no way this was real.  
You reached out instinctively, the corner of your mouth twitching uncontrollably. “E—Eddie, please… please stop saying things you don’t fucking mean.” 
“Things I don’t mean?” He gives you a breathy chuckle, ironic, and nowhere near funny. His eyes bore into yours, intense and searching. “Do you think I like feeling whatever the hell this is? I fucking don’t, you have me acting like someone I’m so unfamiliar with, to the point where it scares me. All I can think about is you, you, you, because you occupy every single space of my mind.” Your eyes soften, the room seemingly pulsing with his emotions, making you feel hot everywhere on your body. 
He felt the same way.
Eddie felt the same way. 
“B—but fuck I’m scared, honey, I’m so goddamn scared,” He admits, the vulnerability in his voice cutting through the tension before he’s at your side, calloused hands grabbing you by the shoulder, so softly that you melt into him.
“Because what if—what if all of this comes crashing down one day?” His voice trembles, gaze avoiding yours, he was scared, so goddamn scared of losing you. Forever. He doesn’t want that, he couldn’t afford that. 
“Just two months away from you fucking sucked. I didn’t—I don’t wanna feel these things, but you make it so hard not to.”  His forehead rests against yours, making you suck in a deep breath, it’s all so fucking sentimental, and all you wanna do this kiss him, tell him you feel the exact same way. Tell him about your fears. 
“And now I can’t fucking stop, fuck,” He confesses, admission punctuated by a frustrated sigh. 
“I wrote you a song,” he gently caresses your cheek, and you’re so scared to look up at him, to meet his tender gaze, because you know you can’t hold yourself back. 
“I came over to this party in a frenzy when I found out you’d be here,” he continued, his fingers tracing a delicate pattern along your jawline. “I—I just I haven’t even been able to touch another girl.” Your eyes snap open, you’re sure they’re almost heart-shaped now, with the adoration you look at him.
“And, do you actually fucking think I'd write songs for just anyone—” His question lingers in the air before you shut him up with a kiss, rough, sweet, and making Eddie feel dizzy all over, his head struggles to comprehend it all, breathless but he manages to react just in time.
The booming music becoming a mere background noise when he had you, mind swirling with all the possibilities and mouth begging to never stop tasting you. He wants to let you completely engulf him, feel you everywhere.
Everything he wanted and more.
He fucking hates himself for doing this, but he pulls away, mesmerized, eyes so wide that you can’t believe this is Eddie, he’s all flustered, salmon pink. And it makes a wider grin sit on your lips. “So… you—uh, what does this mean?”
You smile at him, lips widely stretching into a grin, as you shrug. “It means I feel the same, Eddie.” you admit, tone a tender reassurance. “That’s why I tried to shut you out… to try to move on, because I was scared—fuck, but I feel the same way.”
“So, does that mean we're dating now?”
“We can take things slow, figure everything out?” you mutter with a shy gaze, lips itching to twitch into a smile, again. “But I—uh—I like you, I really, really like you.”
“Gone soft on me already, sweetheart?” he mumbles with a stupid grin, making you elbow him softly, with an exaggerated playful huff. 
He’s quick to flinch, rubbing his arm as if you even delivered a powerful blow. “Ow—what the hell is wrong with you?”
“You think I’m going soft? You’re the one who wrote his feelings as an exaggerated love song!” 
He leans further slightly, his grin widening when you gave him those adorable eyes, finding you both equally amusing and endearing. “Oh… just you wait.”
You arched a brow, curiosity piqued, “What the hell does that mean?”
“The album is coming out soon, sweetheart. If you think this was an exaggeration, you should hear the whole fucking thing.”
That glint re-appears in your eyes just as quickly, gaze softening as you melt into his embrace.
“You’re an idiot, Eddie Munson.” You tease, scrunching your nose at him, so adorably that he leans down and presses a gentle kiss onto your hair.
He's an idiot, a total complete fucking idiot, but he's all yours.
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winstonsns · 8 days
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the gang with a soc!reader
authors note: sorry the last one was kind of all over the place. i tend to ramble when i write so ill try to stay more on topic this time. in this preference, you and the characters will already be a couple :3 im also wondering if people are clicking the hashtags then they see my posts?? so if that’s what’s happening and you can see my posts when you click the hashtags please tell me because i have no idea if it’s working LMAO
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includes: ponyboy, johnny, darry, soda, dally, two-bit and steve
word count: 2.0k
warnings: mild cussing, mentions of fighting/getting jumped
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PONYBOY CURTIS
you both are academic BEASTS so you’re somewhat rivals and trying to get to the top of the class
but you’re still together, it’s a healthy relationship
most of the time, you’ll actually walk him home from wherever you are since it’s safe for you to walk home on your own, but since he’s a greaser it’s not safe for him
when you met the gang they taught you how to fight in case some greasers or even some socs tried to fight you
by walking him home, you’ve actually prevented him from getting beat up
you like to take him out to get food or something he wants when he gets a good grade since he gets happy when they’re high
sometimes you’ll get lower grades than him and you two will study together, or reversed
you’ll get him a new book every time he finishes another one, by the end of the year he has a new shelf just filled with books you’ve given him
you occasionally read him to sleep when he’s having a hard time, or again reversed
he falls asleep pretty quickly when you do this and he really appreciates it
you always sit together during assemblies and choose to be each others partner in the classes you have together
if you don’t decide to do track one year you’ll go to his meets, and after you always take him out to eat since you’re proud
if he’s extra tired then he’ll ask to go home so you will
you learned how to cook so he can have big nice meals, along with baking chocolate cake when soda and darry aren’t there to make it
pony thinks you make it better than darry but will never tell him that
he really loves spending time with you and feels like you’re the first person besides johnny to really understand him
you made him think about socs in a different way too, in a good way
yall are just humans doing what you know best, some in different environments and had different parents with different parenting styles
you like to bring him to the best places in tulsa to watch the sunsets
you also get the best polaroids of the sunsets and the colors are so beautiful
JOHNNY CADE
as soon as he told the gang that he was dating someone they were excited for him, then they found out you were a soc
dally told him to break up with you without even knowing you, johnny told him to give you a chance
when johnny invited you to the curtis house to meet his friends, you brought presents for all of them since you wanted to make a good impression
you had your ways about finding what they like and don’t like
they immediately took a liking to you when you gave them presents and a kiss on johnnys cheek
you’d patch him up and give him bandaids to take home after getting beat up by socs or his parents
sometimes you’d give him money and he would use that money to get you something you’ve been wanting for a while
he’s always so thankful for everything you do for him and everything you give him
since your parents don’t really care about the differences between greasers and socs, they let johnny stay over since they know things are rough at home
sometimes they’ll take you and him out for dinner with them and you think it’s so cute
he was nervous your parents wouldn’t like him since most of the socs parents would think he’s gross
he’s always proud of you for naturally getting good grades and seeing the smile on your face when you get your report card
sometimes when he’s upset you two will cuddle in your bed or you’ll drive him to a restaurant or fast food place
he always feels bad about spending your money but you tell him not to feel bad about it since you have more
DARRY CURTIS
things got more financially stable when you came into his life
you’d help him pay groceries and the bills if he was struggling, you also helped around the house
sometimes he’ll wake up to the smell of bacon, waffles, eggs, etc and suddenly its like he doesn’t have to be the responsible one 24/7
having you in his life has improved everything, and his brothers are so thankful to have you there too
you’re like a mother to them and they’re comfortable enough to open up to you
sometimes you’ll ask him out on cute little dates randomly just so he can get a break of hard work
he’ll take the day off and get all dressed up since you told him you were taking him to a really fancy restaurant
occasionally you’ll get your nails done just for your dates and he always notices
you’ll ask him “which color is better” and he’ll say “aren’t they the same?” then you have to explain to him that one is darker than the other
he still doesn’t see the difference but chooses one anyway since he likes to see you happy
he’s literally so in love with you and how you’ll do romantic and domestic things for him
you’re so beautiful and perfect in his eyes, and sometimes he’ll stare at you and his brothers will tease him
he really loves being around you and having you by his side
you also helped him become calmer, that pony and soda have their own problems and darry yelling at them probably just makes them scared
he starts to actually communicate with them and you’ll give him gifts for completing or succeeding because why not
he’s always like “hon, you didn’t have to get me this…” but you can see he’s happy with whatever you give him
he just loves you so much and his brothers love you too but obviously not romantically
SODAPOP CURTIS
people actually think the both of you are socs, i mean they’re half right
they think soda is a soc since he’s so handsome and think you’re a soc because of your mannerisms and how you’re very beautiful
you’ll always visit him at the DX just to hang out with him
your parents love him and how he treats you so they also let him stay over at your house
sometimes when it’s sodas turn to get groceries from the store, you’ll go along with him
he just wants to be around you whenever he can
you’ll offer to pay for the groceries plus stuff he doesn’t need but instead wants
once he got a pimple and he freaked the fuck out
you bought him some cleanser, moisturizer, sunscreen and pimple patches
you taught him how to use them and when, and in which order to use them in
his pimple went away in a few days
since you’re so smart and get good grades, you’ll help pony with his homework sometimes
soda will stare at you helping him from far away, he thinks it’s adorable that you two are bonding
when the two of you are in your room, you’ll play frank sinatra and the little dippers while having a home-date with sweets :3
you two have so much fun and he even opens up to you about his problems
you offer to get him a therapist but he says it’s that bad, you tell him to talk to you if he wants to talk about it again
he legit treats you like a princess and you love it
yall are the most attractive couple EVER no one can tell if they wanna be you or be with you
DALLAS WINSTON
when he realized he liked you he knew he had to protect you with his life
he needed a break from loud and annoying girls, then he found you
you could get quiet at times and you weren’t constantly screaming and acting like an annoying 12 year old boy
you got him to steal less since you could pay for things on your own
he didn’t really listen and still stole money from other people so he could get you things
whenever he got put in prison you could always bail him out due to the money you have
if he had to serve time then you’d give him money so he could spend it and get necessities
you’ll also make diy crafts for him on your guys anniversary and his birthday
he brings you to meetups with the gang, and they love you being there with him
you spoil him rotten and he loves it
makes him feel like a princess, weirdly enough
he’ll steal money to spoil you too, pays for your nails sometimes
you told him you wanted specific flowers once and he got you flowers sometime the next week, he acted nonchalant about it but he loved the happy look on your face
TWO-BIT MATTHEWS
sometimes you’re quiet but he always finds a way to bring you to tears after laughing so hard
he’s literally the funniest person you’ve ever met
he never really expected a soc to get so loud since they were normally reserved and didn’t talk to many people
anyway you brought him to fucking disneyland once and he LOVED it
you booked a hotel and everything so yall saw mickey mouse
two-bit kinda laughed at him but he seemed happy so he didn’t care
he loves traveling with you and brags about it to the gang all the time
they say it’s cool then act like they don’t care but they’re kinda jealous he gets all that stuff
they’re happy for him though
sometimes you’ll get him little mickey figurines and he’ll put them on his nightstand, sometimes even carry it with him if it’s a keychain
he never would’ve expected a soc to be so nice to someone like him
he’s really glad that you love him and you show it
STEVE RANDLE
before you two started dating he tried to avoid you at all costs
he kinda thought you’d beat up him and his friends so he just stayed away from you
anyway when you guys started dating you’d drive him to the DX
you’d give him tips just for fun even if you didn’t buy anything from him
you’d buy him all sorts of little trinkets and such just so he’d have something to mess around with
i don’t have a lot of knowledge on him bro pls bear with me LMAO
he’s almost always with soda so you kind of became his best friend naturally
you’ll buy steve food on his breaks and drive him to restaurants or fast food places and you’ll eat on a bench or in a field together
you talk about some shit that happened at work while he listens
he’ll occasionally get you some food since he knows you like sweets
then you repay him with something he’s wanted for a while that he’s been asking for
whether it’s a book or food or a trinket idk
he loves you so much and is glad soda gets along with you so well
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sorry this one’s shorter! i’ll try to make the preference longer next time. i’m gonna try to post at least twice per week but if im feeling good ill try to post more 💗 thank you for reading!
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strqwberryfield · 5 months
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jongseong park - cuddles in the sun
context: y/n invites jay over to her home whilst her family were out.
contains fluffy fluff (i had a dream about this last night and its stuck in my brain) and food.
₊✧⋆⭒˚。⋆
you know the feeling of being home alone. the events that take place like eating all the food in the house, blasting out songs and pretending you're a singer performing on your world tour, talking to yourself like you would do on a talk show after you become famous and then the final stage. loneliness. y/n went through those stages in a space of an hour so now she found her current situation rather uncomfortable, considering that she has been through this situation numerous times.
after around 5 or so minutes, she messaged her boyfriend, jay.
| y/n: bae hii :))))
| jay: hi lovely, is there anything wrong?
| y/n: im home alone rn and im lonely :(
| y/n: do you wanna perhaps come over!?!, i miss u ^ ^
| jay: how could i say no to you, ill be over in 10. i love you <3
| y/n: i love you too!! stay safe and see you soon :)
jay took longer than 10 minutes, he stopped by a store to pick up some essential stuff like your favourite food and snacks to accommodate the cuddling session that is yet to happen.
knock knock knock. that was jay. you knew it was him since he had a unique style of knocking. it was kind of like a secret code.
y/n unlocks the door and he walks in, kissing the top of her head and pulled her into a hug. swaying side to side, one hand softly patting the back of her head and the other arm around her waist. the smell of peonies and linen cologne that he owned filled her senses.
"hi" he whispered. pecking her head yet again. "hey" she replies. she was so drunk in love with him that her friends were tired of her constantly talking about him. she led him to the living room so they could relax and talk to each other as jay had a jam-packed schedule due to the upcoming comeback that was going to happen that month.
the sun was setting. it was a beautiful sight. it was also so warm because the log fire was on along with the sun cascading down through the windows. jay set out all the snacks on the table beside the couch and got himself comfortable. he opened up his arms as he slowly went to lie down. "come here" he said softly, with a cute smile on his face. y/n clambered over to lay on top of him to lay her head in the crook of his neck.
"i was about to have a nap in the dorm, you sent that message at the right time" he mumbled, with the same smile on his face. his eyes were filled with love and adoration for the girl that was in his arms. soft jazz played on the speakers as the young couple had a small catch-up on what had happened over the past week when they were apart.
sleep was catching up to the boy so he got the fluffy blanket that was rested to the right of him to put on him and his girl (who was asleep). he kissed and whispered one last "i love you" before sleep overcame him.
₊✧⋆⭒˚。⋆
a/n: im so touch-starved wtf.
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gurofushi · 11 months
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a–tt–en–t–i–on
꣑୧ tsukishima kei x fem! reader. (fluff)
summary; it had been a long day and you were craving for your boyfriend's attention. thing is, all his attention was being occupied by some stupid mobile game.
warnings; nsfw implications but dw nothing actually happens, mentions of murder (in video games but ill put this here just in case) <3
(apologies for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language^^)
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“you have slain an enemy!”
you silently grumbled to yourself as you watched tsukishima furiously tap and slide his fingers against his phone's screen.
you had just gotten home from a long shift at work and now, all you wanted to do was to lay down and cuddle with your boyfriend of 6 months.
much to your dismay, he didn't seem to have any interest in getting comfy with you any time soon.
tsukishima had his eyes fixed on the game, occasionally furrowing his eyebrows and clenching his jaw as his long, slender fingers skilfully moved along his screen in quick motions.
you had to admit it though, he looked so attractive like this.
but you were too tired and pissed at the moment, so you kept your cool.
time had passed, you ended up just sitting there at the edge of your bed and patiently waited for him to finish the match.
‘he's been playing for 30 minutes now, how much longer is this match going to take?!’
you thought as you sighed and decided that you would just lay down next to him, not caring about cuddles anymore.
you turned your body away from him and pulled out your own phone to entertain yourself before you went to sleep.
tsukishima knew you were upset.
he felt so bad and wanted to put away his phone as soon as you entered the room, but he couldn't do so cause yamaguchi, hinata and kenma were playing with him.
the four teamed up and started a group call, despite all of then being to focused to say anything (hinata was screaming at the top of his lungs because he kept dying).
he figured that since he was playing as a party with his friends, he could end the match faster and smother you with cuddles right after.
he was dead wrong, though.
hinata was having problems with his connection, resulting in him being targeted by the enemy team as easy prey.
tsukishima ended up having to carry the rest of his team and did most of the killing, while his teammates pushed through the enemy base.
after a long and painful 43 minutes, the match finally ended with his team's victory.
he was, unsurprisingly, crowned the mvp and got sent a few praises by both his teammates and the enemy's team.
he payed no mind to them though, immediately exiting the game and hanging up on his friends before he placed his phone on the bedside table.
he finally turned to you and shot you an apologetic look, even though you couldn't see it since you were facing the other way.
you nearly jumped when you felt tsukishima wrap his arms around your waist.
the blonde had pressed himself up against you and you could feel his hot breath on your neck.
you almost melted in his touch, but you quickly swallowed your feelings back in when you remembered that you were still mad at him for ignoring you.
“y/n,” he called you in a soft tone, yet his voice was hoarse.
you pretended that you didn't hear him, but he knew damn well that you heard him.
“look at me, please.” he said, gently grabbing your chin to turn at him.
when he saw that you still refused to look at him, he spoke up again.
“'m sorry, baby,” he apologized. “i should've stopped playing earlier–.. but im here now. im all yours, doll.”
your eyes shifted to look at him with a longing gaze.
he was stunned when you immediately wrapped your hands around him and shoved your head into the crook of his neck.
“stupid game..” he chuckled at your grumpy remark and placed his hands on your back to rub comforting circles against your thin pyjamas.
he placed a small kiss on the top of your head and continued to listen to you grumbling about how much you despised that game of his.
“i know, baby, i know.”
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+ bonus! (⁠。⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)☆
“hey, how'd you do that by the way?” you asked after you finished ranting to him about how jealous you always felt whenever his friends got to play with him everyday on that stupid game.
“do what?” he raised an eyebrow.
“you knowww.. that.”
“i can't understand you when you're being all cryptic with your words like that, y/n. speak up.”
you sighed in embarrassment, you felt like you probably shouldn't have said that, knowing well that tsukishima would never let you live peacefully once he knew that you found his fingers attractive.
“..howdidyoumoveyourfingerssoquicklylikethat? iswearialmostgotdizzywatchingthemmovebackandforthlikethat.”
(translation: how did you move your fingers so quickly like that? i swear i almost got dizzy watching them move back and forth like that.)
“what?”
“what.”
he simply laughed, finding it amusing that you got so flustered by just watching his fingers earlier.
“practice. lots of it. you wanna test and see just how fast they can go, doll?”
“what.”
“what.”
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fakeuwus · 8 months
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GUILTY CONSCIENCE | sim jaeyun
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now playing ☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°。 guilty conscience by 070 shake
⁺ ⋆˚ genre: idol!jake x nonidol/femreader, just angst man am i sorry, established relationship
⁺ ⋆˚ warnings: lowercase intended, cursing, being drunk, infidelity, gaslighting(?), baby is used as a nickname, one suggestive text, jay is mentioned BRIEFLY
⁺ ⋆˚ word count: ~1.2k
⁺ ⋆˚ message from nic: i know i already did a piece ab cheating but all of my works are inspired by songs or i try to connect them to a song,,, i just feel it sets the tone of the story and its fun to connect a story to a song!! and since this song is one of my favs atm i HAD to write ab it. i definitely recommend u guys listen to the song while reading or even listen to it after. kinda ironic how cheating is one of my pet peeves (i fr despise it sm dont get me started) yet here i am writing ab it lmao. i promise i'll write something more lighthearted and/or anything that isn't angst soon LOL. but hope y'all enjoy and feedback is always appreciated!
"5 AM when i walked in, could not believe what i saw"
yn: JAKEY JAKE JAKEY pleaseee come tk the club rn i habent seen u since u got nack :(
jake chuckles at the message as he reads it. he glances over at the clock that reads 4:38 AM. he knows that clubs in korea don’t close until 8 but god damn how are you still partying with your friends this late? he figures that you must’ve had a little too much to drink and your party animals for friends don’t help at all.
jake: ik baby but we had schedules right when we landed and im so tired… how are u even still there rn???
yn: TOO MICJ FUN :D
yn: COME HAVE FUN WITH ME BABY ;)
jake: u make it rlly hard to say no to u
jake: ill be there soon<3
jake sighs as he rises from his bed, making sure not to wake jay who’s fast asleep. he envies how jay can be sleeping so peacefully when jake is experiencing the worst jet lag of his life. you being out at 4 in the morning and his racing mind doesn't help him try to get some shut eye either.
he dresses quickly, making sure it's quiet when he exits the dorms. it’s not his finest fashion moment but he could care less about what he looks like. he’s only going out to see you and to possibly save you from whatever crazy antics you and the girls are up to.
jake isn’t going to lie when he says he hasn’t made the best effort to see you after getting back from tour. but he also didn’t lie when he said his schedule was super jam packed these days. he should’ve immediately ran to you as soon as he landed but he just didn’t have it in him. guilt gnawed away at his heart as he hailed a cab to lead him to the club you were having the time of your life at.
jake enters the back of the club smoothly without drawing any attention. thankfully your friends secured a vip table upstairs in a secluded area, making it easy for clubgoers to not notice that an idol was going to a club at godforsaken hours.
approaching the table he sees you right away. it’s not hard to spot your beautiful red dress, hugging every curve on your body. your long hair flows as you sway your hips back and forth. jake smiles to himself. how did he manage to bag the most gorgeous girl in all of seoul, korea? it was clear you were having way too much fun, giggling and dancing with your friends and-
he quietly gasps. the scene before him makes him halt in his tracks. it was like time stopped and the flashing lights began to blind his vision. his heart rate slowed and his palms were becoming clammy.
maybe he was mistaken. there was no way you would do this to him, he thinks. but there you were cuddled up next to a man, drunk out of your mind. jake can't stand another minute watching you and the mysterious person grind up against one another.
in a blinded rage he rushes towards the guy and pushes him away from you with all of his power. “GET THE FUCK OFF MY GIRL!” you shriek and the guy stumbles backwards sending a few drinks flying off of a nearby table. “YOU MIND TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE YN?!”
your mouth is agape and your mind is scrambling to figure out what to say. you know you can’t explain how you were practically dry humping a stranger, too shocked and the alcohol still strong in your system. you're struggling to say something, anything to try to make things right.
“and you,” jake turns and gets too close to the man’s face. “she’s clearly too inebriated to make the right decisions. how DARE you take advantage of her like that?!” you’re confused as to why he’s flipping the script and blaming the stranger but jake rips you away from everyone too fast for you to think another second. you stumble as you’re dragged away to a dark corner.
the two of you are standing in awkward silence, no one daring to say a word. your eyes are looking everywhere but jake. you’re too afraid to see what kind of expression his face has. “jake i-” “no. you don’t get to speak right now. there’s nothing you could say to justify what i just saw.”
ragged breaths begin to come out of your mouth and your chest is tightening. “jake please baby i just- i was so drunk and these guys came up to us and…” your sentence trails off, every word you’re saying just sounds so ridiculous at the moment. he’s right. you couldn’t say anything to excuse your wrongful actions.
“and to think i came here at fuck ass o’ clock just to come and see you. i’ve barely gotten an ounce of sleep these days but i gave that up to come because you were BEGGING for me to be here.” his voice is angry and you know he has every right to be screaming at you. at this point tears are threatening to spill from both of your guys’ eyes. “jake… i know i know and i’m so sorry i swear nothing like that-”
“NO. no just no,” he pauses carefully choosing the words he’s about to say next. “you’re right. there won’t be a next time… we’re done.” the tears that brimmed your lashes are now falling. the alcohol that once ran through you is now gone. you move to grab his hand but he takes a step back. the distance between you two grows larger and he seems out of reach.
“jake please we can work this out! please don’t leave me because of this.” your pleas are ringing in his ears but he ignores them. “we can’t come back from this yn. how could you think i’d ever trust you from now on?! don’t contact me ever. have a nice life.” the loud music pounds on the walls just like your heart is in your chest. you’re left alone sobbing, wondering how you managed to fuck up the best relationship you’ve ever had.
jake stumbles out of the club, trying to clutch onto anything to help him out. the fresh breeze of the night blows onto his face and helps him regain his breath. he struggles to get his thoughts together as he walks down the sidewalk back to the dorms.
maybe he was too harsh with the way he spoke to you but he knew it had to be done. seeing you cling onto someone that wasn't him was his ticket out. he knows that you're absolutely going to be broken for awhile but you'll be okay, right? he knows that you're going to blame yourself for this for who knows how long but you're going to be fine in the end, right?
he convinces himself that it's better you than him because now,
he'll never have to admit what he was doing while he was away from you on tour.
"i caught you but you never caught me, i was sitting here waiting on karma, there goes my guilty conscience."
© fakeuwus 2023 do not repost, translate, or plagiarize
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
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.
#diary#personal#...i got myself worked up on accident. so idk if ill be able to sleep anytime soon.#im just so tired of all the effort im putting in all the time. im just really tired and frustrated#i feel like im doing this all to myself but also not. like this feels like its all in my head and well i mean im not wrong but not right.#its just. why am i so fucking tired. why cant i do anything. and just. ive tried to do everything i can and in the end im so so tired.#and idk. i guess thats sorta why i gave up? like. im tired of figuring stuff out on my own. and everything upsets me.#haaah. i wonder what i can really do. it feels like nothing. im just really frustrated#like. its too tiring to try anymore. so ive just sorta given up on everything in a way?#idk its not good to do but. i cant keep going on like how i have.#ill make a routine. ill stick to it. and then ill burn out or get depressed or something! and then i cant anymore!!!#and just. nothing feels like its working. and no! i cannot do that thing that i should be able to!#and no!!! i cannot explain why i hate your idea so much!!!!#and people!!!! im so fucking tired of people!!!! i can handle limited interaction but this is too much...#like! i hate i have memories of the last few days or weeks! i hate this all bobing around in my head!!!#i like it better when i never leave my house!!!! i dont wanna leave my house.#like. a few people are okay. very few. the people i know and am comfortable with are fine. but i hate everyone else.#you all make me so tired and feel so judged and stressed all the fucking time!!!! im so tired of it!!!!!#its exhausting. and whats more frustating is idk how i can even study or do anything anymore and im tired of making things work#it isnt working!!!! none of this is!!!!!! and i dont know what to do! and i dont have any solution!#im so so so tired. of this all. god i wish i could lay in bed forever. im so sick of all of this. i dont wanna no more.#...i really hate myself sometimes. its hard not to. with the way i act. with how i behave. my literal inability to do FUCKING ANYTHING#drugs tw#im so tired. thats why ive been high all the time lately. it just makes things slow. it makes it tollerable to exist.#really. ive just let everything get sorta out of hand. and now im too tired to do with these thoughts and emotions#im exhausted. and im not quite sure what to do about it. like if i could get someone to help me figure out what to do id be okay.#but thats sorta hard to find. and im headstrong.... haaah. i dont even wanna talk about shit bc how do i fucking explain this.#LIKE HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT NO I WONT EAT BC THERES TOO MANY OPTIONS AND I WANT THEM ALL BUT CANT HAVE THEM ALL SO I GAVE UP.#BUT NOW THATS DISTRESSING ME BC WHAT IF I STOP EATING AGAIN. so instead i basically just. break inside and it hurts just a bit more.#idk man. im so sick of this shit. i have so many things i wanna do n stuff but i cant see it happening bc im always falling apart.
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