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dailydragon08 · 1 year ago

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hi! if it's ok I'd love to request a scenario for the star wars gang please :) I'd love to see how they all react to a genderfluid s/o (if you have any questions plz dm me :D)

thank you!

Thanks so much for the ask! Sorry this took so long, I was on a bit of a semi-hiatus, but am back now and working on the other asks in my box! Also, thank you to @kaleidoscope1967eyes for some of the suggestions in here!

I think everyone would kind of be in the realm of similar reactions here, but with a few small differences. Everyone is very accepting about you being gender fluid and doesn’t make a huge deal of it, but are very protective of you in different ways. Eventually, they all get a knack for being able to tell whether you’re leaning more masc, fem, or somewhere in between for the day just by your clothes and hairstyle and will adjust pronouns accordingly if necessary.

Growing up as royalty and a major player in both the imperial senate and the New Republic, Leia is always on top of the latest fashions (which I wish they explored more in other media, but I digress). I think she’d be so interested in helping you adapt different clothing and hairstyles to how you were feeling that particular day and loves finding an outfit that either matches or sort of rhymes what you’re wearing to any events—or even just day-to-day wear. Being royalty and a politician, she’s traveled a lot, so this isn’t a new concept to her at all, and she thanks you for telling her with a warm smile and shoulder squeeze before getting down to business for the day. She’s very adamant that you not only have all the gender-affirming things you need day to day, but also that your preferred pronouns are written correctly in all official documents.

And if someone tries to misgender you or discriminate against you in any way whatsoever, Leia will give them the biggest dressing down of their life – no matter the time, place, or audience – and make sure they know to never pull anything like that ever again. By the time she’s done, they’re standing there like a chastised, guilty toddler as they apologize to you. If she had to, Leia would glare down and lecture the entire senate until they not only got it right, but didn’t even think about forgetting or getting it wrong ever again.

Luke is very accepting and wants you to feel safe and welcome with him above all else. He would make sure to give you a soft smile and thank you for telling him before opening up a discussion to make sure he was doing everything he could to support you and learn how he could improve. He does research on his own as well and if you’re also Force-sensitive, he will get you as many custom-made Jedi robes as you want so you have options for whatever you’re feeling day to day. He checks in with you frequently, both verbally and through the Force, to make sure you’re feeling okay and check if you’re using different pronouns from the day before. If you’re comfortable, he starts doing a daily check in via telepathic connection each morning so that even if you don’t have time to talk or are several rooms away, he’s still well informed.

The way he defends you differs a bit from his sister. If someone misgenders you or makes any sort of unnecessary comment, he’ll immediately interrupt and correct them. His face and tone stay as calm and serene as ever thanks to his Jedi training, but you can feel the irritation flowing off of him if it’s anything more than an innocent mistake. If this person continues with their behavior, he’ll correct them again and ask them to be respectful and make it clear in no uncertain terms that he sees any disrespect to you as disrespect to him and that the two of you will be walking away until they can conduct themselves better. Afterwards, he’s checking in on you and apologizing for the experience so gently and doing whatever it takes to make you feel better.

Han being Han of course makes some harmless, playful remark the first time your style drastically changes in front of him. But once you explain you’re gender fluid, he takes it in stride with a “good to know; so what are we doing for lunch?” He tends to be more observant than people give him credit for – especially with those he cares about – and although he gets good at knowing what you’re feeling that day with a glance, still decides to make a “Gender of the Day” game. Traveling around on the Falcon with him puts you in constant proximity and you find yourself stealing his shirts and jackets quite often on more masc-leaning days (which never hesitates to pull a cocky compliment or pickup line from him).

Anyone who dares to make a snide comment gets Captain Solo in full force, with a low “listen here, pal” as he leans across the table and makes sure they know if it happens again, they’ll not only have an angry sharpshooter on their hands, but also a pissed off Wookiee.

To follow up, Chewie (platonic) also is immediately accepting and although you can’t understand his language, you overhear Han keeping him up to date with your pronouns every day. Eventually, you learn from C-3PO’s translation that Chewie goes out of his way to ask someone in the OT gang every morning (and sometimes directly comes to you with the protocol droid’s help) just to make sure he’s got it right. He’s more than happy to help Han defend you as well and even when it’s just the two of you, he gives an ominous growl as he stands up to his full seven feet if anyone gives you trouble.

Similar to Leia, Lando is also well-traveled and an avid lover of fashion. This isn’t a new concept to him at all and in fact, when the two of you meet, he’s already asking what your preferred pronouns are. Like the princess, he’s also always elated to help you adapt your fashion choices and has many things custom-made for you – you can hardly say you like something or wish an aspect of a piece of clothing was a little different before he’s already buying it or having his tailors work on it. He even gifts you some articles of clothing that are a two (or even three!) in one via folding a flap a certain way, zipping something, etc. so that one shirt or pair of pants can double as either more masc, fem, or in between.

He's extremely protective of you, no matter who is giving you problems, and will always insert himself between you and the perpetrator with a hey before correcting them in a tone that leaves no room for argument. Especially with his higher rank in the rebellion, he can easily have someone removed from the room if needed and if Chewie’s nearby, employs the Wookiee’s help as well.

R2-D2 (platonic) chirps and beeps while wobbling on his outer legs to let you know he understands and is more than happy to support you. Although you can’t typically understand his noises, he still will sneakily change code in official documents or computer systems to reflect correct pronouns and if someone’s giving you a hard time, he’ll use one of his little retractable arms to give them a little shock.

C-3PO (platonic) of course is aware of gender fluidity, but has never met someone like you – at least, not that he remembers before his memory was wiped. Ever since then, he’s been glued either to Leia or Luke’s side, so hasn’t had a chance to experience much outside of the chaotic workload the rebellion usually requires. But he’s so interested and excited to ask you questions if you’ll allow, but also makes sure to educate himself on his own. You have to hold back your laughter sometimes when he excitedly comes to you about some new piece of information he found as if you didn’t know it yourself – but of course, halfway through his excited ramble, he remembers who he’s talking to and goes “oh, I’m so terribly sorry” before offering to help you in any way he can, always interrupting and correcting people when needed, and if they don’t back down, telling them point blank “well, I think you’re rather rude.”

Taglist: @kaleidoscope1967eyes @masterlukessaber @coffeeorsomething-irl @eveningserenityyy @victorian-nymph @lxstfathier @rogue-kenobi @lavandula-ipsum @sonofthedunes @pomplalamoose @lex-the-flex @ilovemarkhamill

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astravires · 2 months ago

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Tag Game - Non-sims interests

thanks for the tag @crazy-hazy-sims (i also got tagged by @aching-joints in the five non-sims interests game, so consider this a double up for both (and a little more than five)

i think everyone has put music as an interest, and while i wouldn't really consider myself a music enthusiast i do enjoy a good tune. i'm currently reliving my early years because my other half is listening to Green Day's American Idiot lately, so I'm on a New Found Glory kick. i'm also tone deaf and can't carry a tune, but i'm almost always listening to music.

as for gaming, I am a forever easy-mode player. The foundations for my entire personality was built on Kingdom Hearts. i played when it was first released on PS2 because it had Square Enix on the box and I was just getting into Final Fantasy. i love it, and it's stupidly convoluted story. More recent games I'm big on Baldur's Gate 3 and Vampire Survivors. i'm also in deep in genshin impact (f2p all the way baaaybeee). i've been a massive Dragon Age fan since DA2. I own the official Dorian Inquisition hoodie, the Leliana coat, and the limited edition Varric shadowbox....And FADE KNIFE. i heavily tailor my tumblr fandom experience so i avoid A LOT of drama, but srsly, DA:V got me back into fanfic writing after not doing it since my twenties. DA2 is still my fave, but I just love how i can pick up and play DA:V for a bit (usually until Emmrich calls me dearest and i have to go use a fainting couch)

It's rare i get to indluge it, because adults never have time to actually hang out in friend groups without advanced warning, but I absolutely love playing HeroQuest when I can convince folks to play with me. I have fond memories of my dad playing it with his friends when I was a kid, so being able to GM it now is such a nostalgic feeling. Its a good TTRPG without the extra work like D&D.

OK, so, I'm going to be very honest here; i am an outlier and should not be counted, but Financial Instruments are like, a special interest of mine. Some are entirely made-up, have value only because the market (also made up) says they have value. I will talk about onion futures at the drop of a hat, and while they're awful, i get what crypto is "trying" to do. the products are wild, i will sink into a rabbit hole for the more absurd (weather futures my beloved) types of products, and it is all, realistically utterly pointless and just for "number go up". it's a good thing my job is "report this madness to regulators" ain't it? it's wrong, and the fact that lives are tied to people playing make-believe with numbers is awful, but, ooooohh do i love learning about when they make stupid mistakes.

ART!!! this kind of pulls from above - i love art in theory; people playing make the number go up with some good lightning and a humidifier. i have a degree in fine art; i'm always interested in outlandish, dada-ish mayhem. no, ma'am, your five year old could not make that - the that is the idea, the why, the where, the when - not so much the what. it's why i like financial instruments; why do you need to hedge that commodity with a thirty year interest rate derivative???? I WARNED YOU I WAS WEIRD. in terms of my own art, i do dabble from time to time. i was a teenage furry artist (if you ask nicely, i can show you), and i like drawing and just smooshing paint about. i love sculpture; my degree practice was using papemache and poster paint. i made a giant tentacle monster in uni, it was awesome.

so i'm not very good, but there's something relaxing about knitting that i do enjoy. i don't do anything fancy - my skill set is scarf. but its just so soothing to knit. i'd love to learn to crochet, but my brain can't seem to remember the hand motions once i set it down.

i haven't had time recently, so everything has died, but i both love and hate gardening. i'm not big on fancy gardens with pretty plants, but i was working on getting a kitchen garden going a few years ago before i really had to split my time between home and london. also, my dog ate all my strawberries

i don't care if one would class it as an interest, but i love him and his dumb face:

his name is alan turing and he's a whole three years old.

i think nearly everyone has done this, so ignore me if i tag you and you have - i'm not sure if @ryttu3k if you did???

@notasimblr @gloomiegalaxie @wolkentage

#tag game #leo's stuff oh look she's weird and boring

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aotopmha · 1 year ago

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I understand and agree with a lot of the tone of your post about roulettes but also spamming ranged attack as a tank while pulling is good practice. You'll gradually lose enmity whenever you don't attack (and ranged attack has a slight aggro bonus too) so if you just run between each pack without hitting buttons, especially on huge pulls like some of the shadowbringers dungeons, there's a decent chance the enemies from the first pack or two will lose interest in you and start killing everyone else. It has nothing to do with a necromancer wanting you to play more like potd or w/e. It is something that should be said in more guides, so not your fault, but yeah. Now you know.

Thank you for the clarification!

I have actually been putting this into practice among all the other stuff I do since having heard of it because I have wondered for a while if I should just run from pack to pack or if there isn't more to do while I am running; I've also seen people do it alternating ranged/provoke in footage and always wondered why.

It's just unfortunate people feel the need to be assholes about this kind of stuff and not just tell the other person.

Obviously some will be assholes, but in my experience people will 95% of the time listen and you'll get someone not making the mistake again.

And in my case I was confused with what they meant to begin with because this was the first time I've seen someone be negative about it because it was veiled in sarcasm and I was wondering what they were jabbing me about.

There are several of these kind of tricks I've found out about just randomly.

For example, for the longest time I did not know the fact that Arm's Length is also a mitigation tool besides knockback immunity and that the "slow" it mentioned was actually really useful instead of being just a minor side effect.

I also constantly put tank stance on as an off tank because that's what people always keep repeating for tanks.

(And I still rarely see a case where main/off tank is properly respected, but when it is, the fight usually goes super smooth.)

In fact, the off tank role was really confusing for me for a long while because for the longest time I could not find a proper guide.

(Answer: it's very flexible and depends on the fight. You take the adds, the second target if it pops up, separate targets from each other, replace main tank when they're down etc.)

More than anything, I hope they add some elements that teach you better about maybe the slightly less obvious stuff.

I understand this is an MMO and part of the game is to learn through experience and from others, but I still think a little more help from the game would go a long way to mitigate people just not knowing the basics.

There are still so many players the miss even the basics.

Tanks that pile on all the mitigation at once or barely any at all.

One-skill DPS.

Or even stuff like Swiftcasting a revive being an option.

Yet it is understandable for even non-sprouts because the best way to learn is outside of the game.

Thank you for the ask!

#Final Fantasy XIV #Final Fantasy 14 #FFXIV #FF14 #FF #Final Fantasy #Asks

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tree0frog · 2 years ago

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Hi!! Can I please have a maze runner and the lord of the rings romantic matchup?? (and forgive me if I make a mistake in the writing, I'm not fluent in english yet♡)

I'm pansexual and genderfluid, that uses all the pronouns.

I'm a brazilian, my house is Slytherin (but I have LOTS of Ravenclaw qualities), my sign is Leo and MBTI is INTJ. I have tan skin, dimples, brown eyes, straight black hair that goes below my waist and bangs. About my body, I think what stands out the most are the really thick thighs and the hands and feet that are really small. I wear glasses (I have astigmatism and myopia, my grade is VERY high); where i live is SO hot but i really like to wear sweats and pants so sometimes it's kind of hard but i think i wear any kind of clothes? I like to experiment with new styles and I really want to dye my hair but I didn't have the opportunity; I'm absolutely addicted to wearing necklaces, bracelets and especially rings, I'm always wearing several.

I have a quiet, observant, sarcastic and motherly personality, although from a distance it seems that I will be rude to you, I will actually be very calm and give you soft smiles. I can get stressed out easily but I don't show anything but glare, and above all I NEVER raise my voice, even in a fight the only thing I'm going to do is keep my voice calm with a firm, authoritative tone. I LOVE protecting and caring for people and listening to them talk about what they like, I always give them my FULLY attention. My love language is 100% touch, I am always touching the people I like and care about. Another thing is that I'm not a submissive person in a relationship, like no.

I'm completely in love with all kinds of art, especially dancing (I'm ALWAYS dancing while listening to music, which is pretty much all day long) and drawing/painting (sometimes I end up doing a whole drawing and not even realize it). I love reading and I always have a book with me, physical or digital. I love animals, I have cats, dogs, parrots, turtles and cockatiels, and I would give my life for them all without a second thought. Oh, I also love anything horror related with passion and bake, most of the time I don't even eat, I just bake and give it to people because I love it when they say they like what I made.

Hii sorry this took so long

Masterlist

Matchup -closed

Request-open

I pair you with Arwen

I think I’m the beginning of your relationship Elrond wasn’t the fondest of you but as time went on he grew to see you as family

Like with Aragon she has give you some type of jewellery but you also gave her one so your matching

She finds it cute that when you two are together and your board you will play with her hands or hair

I defo could see you and her falling asleep together watching the sun set

I pair you with newt

Like newt your only louder when you need to be

He has defo tired to learn your mother language but allways gave up

He has defo also taken your glasses and probably broken them once as well

He finds it cute when he wakes up and your laying agents him

He will dance in the rain with you no matter how much he said no you will make him

#fanfic #x reader #maze runner x reader #match up #tmr newt #newt x reader #lord of the ring x reader #Arwen x reader

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sunny-rose · 2 years ago

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Watched the first episode of the PJO TV show and I have Thoughts.

Warning: this is long, entirely too nitpicky, and written like an English essay (sorry). It also isn't wholly positive so there's that...

I've come to accept that we'll probably never get a perfect adaptation of PJO but that doesn't mean I'm not slightly disappointed by the amount of small details that were omitted or outright changed for the television show.

It's very minor, little touches that at first appear insignificant or trivial but ultimately lead to a watered-down story and an experience that lacks the depth the books have.

The first thing that comes to mind is when Percy pushes Nancy Bobofit into the fountain. Not only could we have avoided the Disney Effect Budget rearing its ugly head, having the ambiguity from the book would have added a great layer of mystery to who Percy is and what his powers are.

In the books, Percy doesn't see Nancy go into the fountain at all. He states, "I don't remember touching her, but the next thing I knew, Nancy was sitting on her butt in the fountain" (9). I'm no film director, but a good way to interpret this scene might have been to have a quick cut - like implying that Percy blinked and she was in the fountain - instead of showing her being Force pushed into the fountain. It keeps Percy's powers ambiguous and continues to build up intrigue. It's about the suspense of that moment, rather than showcasing Percy as a demigod early.

Another detail I wish they'd left alone was the timing of Percy learning that he's a half-blood. I understand that they wanted the explanation to occur early in order to keep viewers watching and have them understand the premise but I think it was a mistake to have Sally bring it up on their trip to to the cabin because it ruins the tension. It's implied in the books that Sally knows something happened to Percy at Yancy, but she doesn't want to push him on it. And Percy doesn't want to mention it because he doesn't want to cut their vacation short: "But I couldn't make myself tell her. I had a strange feeling the news would end our trip to Montauk, and I didn't want that" (40). This is EXCELLENT characterization. We can tell that Sally is stressed, that this cabin is her escape. Percy mentions, "As we got closer to Montauk, she seemed to grow younger, years of worry and work disappearing from her face" (37). Percy, sweet, kind, Percy doesn't want to ruin his mother. He knows this trip means a lot to her, that it's a brief moment away from Gabe and the complications of her life and he doesn't want to take that away from her. It's STRONG characterization and allows us as viewers to see Percy as something more than a trouble kid; he really loves his mom. Having Percy learn about being a half-blood at the cabin helps expedite the plot but it takes away from a genuinely sweet and good moment for him, takes something away from his character.

I'm not even going to talk about omitting the Fates I'm going to admit full stop that seems weird to me. It's such a small detail, could've been like a ten second scene that adds to the weirdness and mystery but they just didn't?? Go for it?? That's fine. (Honestly they probably should've cut out Grover telling the principal that Percy pushed Nancy into the fountain and replaced it with the Fates but hey. I'm just a uni student).

My final gripe about subtext erasure from the television show is, of course, Gabe. I can absolutely 100% get behind the idea of why they turned down the implications about Gabe. This TVLINE article by Keisha Hatchett contains interviews with the crew of the PJO TV show and in one of them, Rebecca Riordan explains that, "When you see it visually, it is triggering and difficult to watch. That is why we came at Gabe in a different way, because this isn’t supposed to be a horror show." I can absolutely agree that toning Gabe down was the right choice, especially considering the age range for the television show. I just wish it had kept a bit more of the subtext. Having Gabe shake Percy down to cash might've been a little much but there were smaller details in his conversation with Sally that could've been kept that would've flown over kids' heads but had allowed more mature audiences to realize that Gabe wasn't just your average douche.

In the books when Sally asks to go to Montauk, Gabe asks, "So this money for your trip... it comes out of your clothes budget, right?" (35). As a child, the implication of this completely and totally flew over my head. Even as a high school student this line didn't seem weird to me at all. It was only now, in my last year of university, as I was rereading the series, that I thought to myself, "That's so controlling wtf." To imply that Sally, a woman with a job, is being financially controlled by douchebag Gabe is pretty chilling and although it is undoubtedly still abuse, it's also something that I think wouldn't go too far. As it stands, Gabe feels a little bit toothless and if they stick to his canon fate, it'll feel a little bit unwarranted. In that same TVLine article, John Steinberg mentions that, "When you’re reading a story, you can read past the parts that could be upsetting if you’ve stopped to give them more thought. You don’t really get to do that with the show. It’s all in your face and it’s all presented in a much louder way.” I think that even keeping just this one line isn't too "in your face" but still gets across how much of an absolute jackass Gabe is.

I also think that although it was a strong choice to have Sally stand up to Gabe immediately, I do have a bit of an issue with her characterization. One of the first paragraphs you get when you meet Sally is Percy specifically stating, "I've never heard her raise her voice or say an unkind word to anyone, not even more or Gabe" (33). The books make it a point to show that despite Sally being on the quieter side, it doesn't mean she isn't an absolute badass. She's calm, rational, and cool during the Minotaur scene and then of course kicks ass during The Battle of Manhattan. The books have proven over and over again that Sally's kind, sweet nature is a strength and not a weakness. I can absolutely get behind seeing this side of her earlier in the TV show, I'm just concerned that they're forsaking her softer nature for something more "cool mom." Part of what I like so much about Sally is her kindness, the way she seems to be the embodiment of a warm hug on a hard day. It's not the vibe I got from her TV show counterpart.

Okay that's it, that's all my grievances. I've only seen the first episode and despite this mega page of my negativity I still think that the show is pretty good! It's infinitely better than what we got before and I can tell that there's so much passion and love put into the show. The young actors who are portraying the starring roles are absolutely brilliant, they're killing it, and I hope they have a bright future. I think the show looks great considering it's a Disney+ show (I've seen your special effects, Mouse) and I genuinely hope that the show is enjoyed by old fans and new ones. My brother said, "Hey, the first half was pretty cool" before the pacing kinda nosed dive off a cliff - high praise indeed.

I'm probably still going to watch the show, just to sate my own curiosity (though I'm probably NOT going to write another English essay on why I wish we'd kept some subtext) and I hope that everyone who's sticking with the show enjoys it. I don't think it's bad by any means, I'm just a pretentious literature nerd and this is how I digest media.

So yeah, here's to another decade of Percy Jackson!

#percy jackson #pjo tv show #if you made it allllllll the way to the bottom of this post you're amazing #I don't want to read this thing and I wrote it #again don't hate the show or anything I just think we left a lot of nuance on the table and that makes me sad so I had to exorcise it

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ivanajpeg · 10 months ago

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ODESTA WEEK (DAY 7 LET'S GET SILLY)

Where Annie is feeling a bit silly and Finnick just let's her be

Note 1: English is not my first laguage, If you see any mistakes please let me know. Im always trying to improve

Note 2: This is the last day of the odesta week, I really had fun doing this even though my writing is not that good yet, I learned a lot during this week to improve it. I hope we have another odesta week with other promps to experiment with.

Hope you enjoy this last day of the odesta week <3

"Annie, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Relax, everything is going to be fine"

Annie and Finnick were sitting on their bed. Annie was pretty bored today, so she proposed to him to let her do his makeup. Just for the laughs.

Finnick said yes just because he thought she would do something simple, until he saw everything she pulled out.

"You really need all that?"

"Yep, I need all this to make you look pretty"

Finnick sigh and let her start. Annie started narrating everything she was doing.

"Okay, so ill start preparing your skin"

"Preparing my skin?"

"Preparing your skin" Annie started applying different skincare products, she was having a lot of fun "now... well, this might hurt" Annie pulled out things to shave his eyebrows.

"Annie, we said makeup only, what is that?"

"I just want to shape your eyebrows, everything is going to be fine... I think so" Annie started shaving his brows carefully "Done, see? it wasn't that bad"

Annie applied the first layers of makeup. She applied a foundation way to white for hims, a concealer even whiter and a bronzer. Annie couldn't stop laughing meanwhile Finnick looked at himself in the mirror.

"Ann I look like a ghost, what is this?" he said laughing "is this really your skin tone?"

"Well you like being under the sun more than me, besides it looks like sunscreen doesn't work on you"

"And you used a concealer even whiter"

"That's how concealer work"

Annie continued doing his makeup, she used a blush she just bought, she didn't knew how pigmented it was.

"Hahahaha, you look like a clown" Annie was almos crying from laughter.

"Annie! It looks like someone just punched me! Is new right? because the one you use doesn't look like this"

"Yes, it's new, sorry" he kissed him on the cheek, he rolled his eyes playfully.

Annie applied the powder to him.

"Now I know why you take too long to do your makeup, I'm not gonna lie, I like watching you do your makeup, it's relaxing"

"It actually is, I like it a lot"

"I know, and you always look so pretty"

Annie blushed and gave him a peck.

"Which color you want for your eyeshadow?" She asked him, showing him all her eyeshadows.

"I want blue eyeshadows and glitter, like the sea" he said playing along "and add big lashes"

"Big eyelashes... I'll try, I've never been good at applying those"

Annie started painting sea waves on his eyelids with the eyeshadows and some eyeliners. She also used little stones.

Finnick looked at himself in the mirror and smiled, for him, Annie had so much talent doing this kind of stuff, he was sure he would let her practice with him more in the future.

Annie was very concentrated while applying the eyelashes, at the end she managed to do it and she smiled proud of herself.

She moved on to his lips, he chose the lipliner, the lipstick and lipgloss.

When Annie finished with his lips, he kissed her cheek.

"Finn!" Annie smiled while seeing the lipstick stain on her cheek.

"You always do it, it was time for my revenge" They both smiled and she finished the look.

They took a couple of silly pictures before removing his makeup. Annie was very happy for her masterpiece and Finnick was happy looking at Annie's beautiful smile.

He would do anything in his power to keep that smile on her face.

#odesta #odesta week #odesta fanfiction #annie cresta #finnick odair #district 4 #thg #tgh fanfiction #hunger games #hunger games fanfiction #the hunger games #the hunger games fanfiction #i really enjoyed this week #i hope we get to do it again #these two are so precious to me #they're my roman empire

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bu1410 · 1 year ago

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March 3rd 2024 - Good morning TUMBLR.

Here another chapter of my life's memories.

These are souvenirs of travel and work experiences around the world, over a period of approximately 40 years.

The title is':

''Mr. Plant has owed me a shoe since July 5, 1971."

Ch. 2 - RETURN TO TAIF - SAUDI ARABIA - JAN 1981 –

Before moving on to another chapter, a necessary introduction. Upon my return to Saudi after Christmas 1980 I committed a single crime:

a crime against the laws of Saudi Arabia.

an offense against Islamic tradition.

a great stupidity given that I knew what it could mean for me if I were caught illegally importing alcohol into Saudi Arabia. I therefore take this opportunity to apologize to everyone and in particular to the whole of Saudi Arabia Government and ask for forgiveness for what I have done.

The Christmas and end-of-year holidays soon passed, it was January 7th and I returned to Saudi with a flight from Milan – Rome – Jeddah. Hamed, the Jordan driver who we had brought with us from Tabouk, was waiting for me at the airport to take me to Taif, about 200 km away. The highway from Jeddah led in the direction of Mecca, but about 30 kilometers before the Holy City, a large sign is ordering non-Muslims to divert onto the road that bypassed Mecca, the so-called ''Khafir Road'', the road of non-believers . Then, arriving at the foot of the mountains, the long 25 km climb full of hairpin bends would begin, a sort of Alps Pass of the Middle East (obviously without snow). And here I have to make a premise:

My sister-in-law had gifted me a bottle of fine Ballantine 12 year old for Christmas. My first thought while receiving it was: ''why not take it to Saudi, where I can drink it with colleagues in the evening''? And it was a stupid thought, for many reasons, but above all because I knew that alcohol is strictly prohibited in Saudi – and also because the laws of the country that hosts us must always be respected.............. I went through baggage control at the airport with some ease: the bottle was wrapped in my white bathrobe, and the customs officers didn't notice it. It was now late evening when we arrived at the foot of the climb where - as a meeting of the GCC (Gulf Cooperation Countries) countries was scheduled in Taif this week - the police had set up a checkpoint. And here I made a small but decisive mistake: when asked for documents, instead of showing my Saudi identity card, I gave my passport. The policeman checked the VISA page, and noticed that I had returned to Saudi that same day. The policeman then asked to see the luggage – we opened the Toyota trunk, and then the black Delsey suitcase. The policeman unrolled the bathrobe and the bottle ended up on the floor of the trunk. Somehow surprised, the Saudi ordered Hamed to take the bottle, and we all went to their tent. Sitting in a circle, the bottle of whiskey resting in the center on the floor, the policemen patted each other on the back and giggled. Hamed looked worried and signaled me to be quiet. In the meantime, the policemen wrote by hand what looked like a novel, but must have been the report on the incident. Hamed tried to mediate, speaking in a very respectful tone, but the policemen seemed adamant. After a brawl that lasted a good hour, Hamed told me that it had been decided to take me to the Taif police station, where they would make the decision on my fate. So we set off in our Toyota, escorted by a police jeep. We arrived in Taif when it was already dawn, and there was only the officer on guard and a couple of policemen at the police station. We waited a couple of hours, then finally the Commander made his appearance. I remember him as if it were now: about 50, tall, with a mustache and a goatee beard, that incredibly thin Saudi guy. We were sitting in his spacious office - I would learn in Iraq that these kind of people likes to talk at distances that in Italy we consider ''sidereal'' - we on a sofa, he at the enormous black and inlaid desk, placed on a pronounced rise, just to make understand to the interlocutor who was in charge in there. The bottle was there, at a safe distance, from the Commander, and while he spoke to Hamed, he couldn't help but stare at it with it. And the fateful question came (yes, because the ''question'' is part of the ritual:

What is this? – said the Commander, pointing to the bottle with the index finger of his hand

And I: Shampoo ………

Commander: SHAMPOO?

Me: Yes…shampoo…. Ahahahahahaaa… general laughter, including the agent who had entered the room in the meantime. Afterwards there was a conversation in Arabic between the Commiander, the agent and Hamed lasting a good half hour - the agent was writing in a notebook. Finally Hamed told me that we had to go out and get into the police jeep.

''It seems they want to expel you from the country immediately'' said Hamed.

''Very Good - I said - already happy to return to Italy. I got into the back seats of the jeep and we set off, Hamed following us with his Toyota. At a certain point I noticed we didn't turn to airport road, so I asked:

Where are you going? You miss Airport road

''La taqlaq'' (Don't worry) – replied one of the agents We continued for about 5 or 6 kilometers, and then we stopped in front of a door that closed a very high boundary wall. Someone opened the door at the sound of the horn and we entered. It was a prison yard. In the center was a flowerbed, with a plastic monument about 4 meters high: an enormous key able to illuminate the entire courtyard at night, I would later see. Than I was taken to the Director office - until then I didn't know what my destiny was - which would reveal itself shortly thereafter. The prison Director was a man in his 60s, of enormous build: not only big, but also approximately 2 meters tall - almost bald, strangely he had no beard or mustache and dressed in Western style. Holding in his hand a piece of paper that the agent who had brought me there had given him, he told me that ''at the moment I was detained for having broken the Saudi Arabian Law Article … blah… blah… etc… and that this crime involved 60 days in prison''. But in any case - he said - you need to wait the Judge to rule on the final sentence. In the meantime I would be held in this prison.

He then added: Your driver has been made aware of the situation, and will certainly inform the managers of your company, who will send a lawyer to assist you. Than the agent took me to a sort of large room with walls on three sides and a grate at the front, where there were already about forty or fifthy inmates (all of them foregneirs). At the corner of the large room there was a tap from which water dripped, plus a sort of partition, with 3 urinals. It goes without saying that the ''fellow sufferers'' were all types with unsavory faces, mostly Asians, Pakistanis, Indians, Filipinos. The evening came, and I was called by one of the guards: my lawyer, an elderly gentleman of Syrian nationality, had arrived. He was with Hamed, who passed me a cooler which contained dinner: rice and meat, fruit, and 2 bottles of mineral water. While I was eating the lawyer told me that he had studied the case and he was preparing the defense for tomorrow's hearing – I would have to admit my guilt, and we would appeal to the Court's clemency. He also told me that he had spoken to the prison Director, and the next day I would be transferred ''elsewhere'', without specifying where. I spent one of the worst nights of my life: I slept (slept???) with only one eye (maybe) and the night seemed to never end. In the morning the driver arrived to bring me a breakfast, and so I discovered that the Royal Saudi Prisons did not provide food to the inmates, but only one bottle of mineral water per day!! Then I asked Hamed:

What if someone doesn't have anyone to bring them food?

Need someone to bring it in from outside'' replied Hamed. At 10.00 am I was called to go to the Court – it was not far away, due to the Saudi custom of building prisons almost next to the Palace of Justice. The lawyer was waiting for me in the courtroom, and everything was concluded in a few minutes. The charge was read by the clerk, after which the lawyer asked to speak to the Judge separately. They disappeared for a few minutes, and upon their return the Judge read the sentence: my guilt was confirmed, aggravated by the fact that I had been resident in Saudi for one year and therefore had to be aware of the laws in force in the Kingdom. He therefore sentenced me to the maximum sentence, i.e. 60 days in prison, a suspended sentence - if during my stay in Saudi I had committed another crime, the present sentence would have been added to the new one.

So they're releasing me? I asked the lawyer.

Yes but not immediately, it will take a couple of days for the paperwork related to the sentence'' replay the lawyer. I was then taken back to prison, accompanied by lawyer Mr. Saeed Al Mawas, who made sure that I was immediately transferred to the telephone switchboard premises of the prison itself. There I met the agents who acted as telephone operators, who had a 12-hour rotation schedule. The switchboard was a relatively small and bare room, just a desk, a device for sorting phone calls, a bench in front, and a bathroom with an adjoining toilet. I would have slept on the concrete floor, with a couple of blankets and a pillow. Three days passed like this, punctuated by the meals that Hamed used to bring me, together with some books that my colleagues had passed to him for me. The nights were more difficult, especially when there was a guy called Abdullah on duty at the switchboard: he was passing his time whispering love phrases on the phone to a woman!! (He never revealed whether she was his girlfriend or not ).

Ahib aridik …. ashtaqt alik kathiran …(I want you… I missed you so much…) On the fourth day something happened that I can't forget: the Director called me to his office. I went there hoping that he would announce me the imminent release. And indeed it was, he told me I was free to leave!

Can I go out now? I said.

Sure you can! he replied with a smile that didn't convince me - Night Express, the film about the guy put in prison in Turkey for drug trafficking, had just come out, and I was very suspicious of the Director, who reminded me of the actor who played the character in the film's same part.

Buuut……I said…I have to sign something…a release document……something…….

No, he said… you can go like this… Open the door Rachid!! he said to the officer who was escorting me.

Yadhhabi! (Go!) the Director said again, seeing as I didn't show any signs of moving.

I was undecided, but I felt it was a kind of dirty trick - I looked from the Director to the agent but I didn't get up from the chair.

At the end I said: good Director, thank you, now I'll let my lawyer know, and then when he arrives we'll stop by to you say goodby ''. I then asked the officer to escort me back to the switchboard, which was located right next to the prison entrance. I managed to call lawyer Saeed, to whom I explained what had happened – Saeed replied: ''Don't move until I will be there''. When he arrived, after about an hour, I explained to him again what had happened with the Director, and he replied:

Now I'll go and talk to him, I was promised by the King's Prosecutor that you will come out immediately! And so he stormed off towards the building that housed the Director's office. I saw him again after about half an hour, rather dejected - he explained to me, mumbling that there were still problems, some signatures were missing on the release decree, and that he hoped to resolve everything by the afternoon.

In the meantime, a fellow inmate had arrived: a Swiss lorry driver whose only fault was stopping his truck at a red light. A Saudi had hit him squarely with his Buick, and had come away battered. So the police had ''rightly'' arrested the Swiss, who was awaiting trial. I later learned that he had been sentenced to 4 months in prison on probation, and was released from prison only when the company he worked for had paid adequate compensation to Saudi who had caused the accident.

Lawyer Saeed had not specified ''which afternoon''…… Another 8 days (and nights…) passed and when I was starting to lose hope, on the morning of the thirteenth day lawyer Saeed arrived triumphant, with a bunch of sheets full of stamps and signatures!

Let's go!! He said imperiously ''that now they can't stop us!''. After the agent from the enrollment office had checked all the documents, the large door finally opened and I was hit by the light of a blinding sun, the sun of freedom! Hamed was waiting for us outside with the car, and so we left for Al Hada, where - in the house in the middle of the woods - my colleagues had organized a little party for my release. Final thoughts: You should never break the laws, especially if you are a guest in a foreign country. Especially if you are a foreign country that apply strict laws.

CAMPOUND LEADER AND STAFF HIRING Preparations to start the project were in full swing: FEAL had rented an area adjacent to the Taif–Jeddah state road, on the other side of the existing hospital, and therefore in front of the construction site, where the compound consisting of containers arriving from other Saudi construction sites would be built. The personnel office had plastered the city of Taif with posters seeking general personnel, such as bricklayers, carpenters, labourers, mechanical assistants, etc. One morning I got up and went to the bathroom, and while I was shaving I opened the little window: I almost cut myself!! We were surrounded!!! The house was located in a hilly area, and all around there were hundreds of blacks looking towards our house! I went down into the living room alarmed and shouted to my colleagues:

Have you seen outside??? We are surrounded by a lot of black people!! What they want???

No problem – replied a staff member – they are the candidates for employment.

Ahhhh…- I said with a sigh of relief, I had forgotten about that…. The candidates for the job were divided into two main ethnic groups: Somalis and Eritreans, but without distinction everyone answered the question ''which kind of job are you looking for? the answer was always ''driver''. I later understood the reason why everyone wanted to be a driver: essentially, in addition to not risking heavy work, drivers were the highest paid category, by virtue of the many overtime hours that were booked for them - hours that the drivers mostly spent sleeping inside cars or pick ups. In any case, as good Italians, we had already succeeded to allow an internal Eritrean mafia to be created, hiring a sort of regional manager of the Eritrean guerrilla as an ''assistant camp leader''. A guy who will prove to be a real nosy / businessman (among other things we discovered that he had even written to Pope John Paul asking for a private audience in the name of what title …) This guy obviously favored the hiring of his fellow countrymen, magnifying their qualities, and badmouthing the Somalis as an inferior race dedicated to the most serious atrocities. The camp leader was an individual from the province of Taranto, Italy - one of those moneylenders who get rich by making a profit on food and non-food supplies - a guy who shot things bigger than himself, to the point that one evening, he told us that he had been a submariner during World War II. Someone objected that ''Given the year of your birth, you must have been 5 years old at the time, and the regulations of the Royal Italian Navy did not allow the use of children in war - ergo you are telling yet another hoax''.

BAZAAR IN FRONT OF OUR COMPOUND By building the compoun in that location, we had made the fortune of a Saudi who ran a shop/shack just on the other side of the road. The area where the camp was located was completely devoid of services, and Rashid El Kanoon's shop was the only one within a radius of several kilometers. Shortly after our arrival, the store had been expanded, and was able to provide all the useless stuff that all Saudi stores of that type normally provide. Among other things, Rashid sold those small gas cylinders for cooking. There were a large quantities, and in the event of an explosion, we all would have swept away - and where were they stored them? On the floor, behind the shop (but in the shade.....). Rashid employed 3 Pakistani boys in his shop – not because the volume of business required it, but simply because he didn't want to do anything at all. In fact, I never saw Rashid standing, but always lying on a sort of camp bed, watching TV. He even had an opening cut in the corrugated metal of the shop's cladding, so during the day he watched TV lying down inside the shop - while in the evening he had the TV turned towards the wall, and the camp bed placed outside, so as to enjoy the coolness of the Al Hada night.

SAUDI OWNER OF COMPOUND LAND The Saudis are historically great traders and negotiators. The Saudi owner of the land on which our compound stood was no exception. One day he arrived in his metallic red Mercedes 600, with an interior upholstered in pure karouf (sheepskin) leather. Dashboard protected by prayer mats, steering wheel heavily trimmed with camel skin, perimeter of the roof with lights of various colours, to which others were added in the rear window like a Christmas tree when braking. In short, a real gem and you know what? He had decided to sell it!! – and to whom? To me……… This went on for days. Among other things, the car was like four years old, but he demanded a higher price than a new car ''because where can you find a Mercedes equipped with all this precious optiinals like that''? Two years later - I had already left Saudi Arabia at that time - I was told that, seeing that the Company began to clear out the containers, the landlord showed up with a lawyer and an extract from the local land registry which demonstrated that Company had occupied about ten to fiftheen square meters more than those agreed upon - and therefore demanded the rent of this additional area, plus compensation because ''You tried to cheat me'' - Needless to say, he obtained more than 140,000 Saudi Rials (30,000 $) with the threat of taking the matter to the Court (where he would certainly have won the case).

PROJECT HALTED With the arrival of Sub Contractor INCISA of Faenza, the earth moving works for the new buildings had begun. The difficulties were considerable, the land where the new hospital pavilions would be built was mostly made up of granite rocks, and with large erratic boulders scattered up the hill. So we started by drilling the boulders with large drills, to facilitate their demolition - based on the size of the boulders, we would have opted for dynamite or the introduction of large hydraulic wedges. I saw the big D8 and D9 Caterpillars in action for the first time, which despite their size, were capable of going up and down the mountain overcoming impressive gradients. The activity had been going on for a few weeks, when one day we saw 4 pick ups arriving on the access road to the construction site. About ten bellicose-looking locals got out of the vehicles, and once they got closer they began to shout and throw stones at the construction vehicles. We had been warned the fact that the Saudis of the mountainous region of Asir had the reputation of being particularly bellicose and backward, compared to their compatriots who lived in the big cities. So we were careful not to confront them, even though the Caterpillar operators would not have hesitated to put in forward gear, pushing the pick ups into the ravine. We begged them to stop throwing stones and prepared to listen to their complaints. Which were based on the claim that we were working illegally on land they owned, and that the Government had not yet paid them any compensation. And then we gathered all the construction vehicles, made them safe and returned to the offices in the camp. Here we notified the Project Manager of what had happened, who immediately communicated with the Client's representative, an American who had an office inside the hospital. The next day a meeting was called, where we were told that the Works Management had received a letter from the Secretary of the Emir of Taif, in which he was ordered to suspend the works until further notice. As soon as they began, the works were suspended and no one could predict when they would start again. It was the beginning of March, and after a few days we were told unofficially that the situation would only be resolved with the arrival of the King in Taif.

But when is the King coming to Taif? The question arose spontaneously

Well, no one knows this……maybe in May……depends on how hot it is in Riyadh…… A bad period began for us, because having nothing to do in a country like Saudi Arabia is one of the worst things that can happen. In a ''normal'' country you can find a thousand ways to pass the time, even pleasant ones. But in Saudi nothing could be done, especially in a place like Taif, more than 200 km away from the sea and with a steeply descending road of almost 30 kilometres. So we concentrated on the topography of the project, the only activity we were allowed to carry out.

SURVEY WORKS To work on the topography of the project, the team had to move around the entire construction site - so up and down the mountain, with the terraces of the hospital and the buildings where the nursing staff lived, almost all Asian, always in sight below us. We had a very powerful Kern Total Station available with the computer already installed. In the afternoon, on the terraces of the buildings reserved for the nurses, the girls lay down to sunbathe, and between the installation of one stronghold and another, we took a look with the tacheometer. Until one day, probably due to the reflection of the sun in the lenses of the instrument, a girl realized that we were observing them! She disappeared inside the building, to return immediately afterwards with binoculars!! And so for a few moments we looked at each other. Then the girl called her friends and indicated the point where we were placed. From their attitude, it seemed that they were laughing at it, waving their hands in our direction, as a sign of greeting. It must be considered that these girls were subjected to an almost ''prison'' regime: two years of contract without trips back to their country of origin - half a day of rest per week, during which they could not go anywhere - their only entertainment was once a month, when a minibus used to take them into the city for an afternoon of shopping at the Taif Souk. Half an hour passed from when the girls noticed us, and we saw a couple of Security men arriving on the terrace, to whom the girls pointed out our topographical position. Shortly afterwards Security arrived where we were working, and asked us to show what could be seen through our surveying instruments. Thus they found that a person could be observed even at a great distance as if the person was just a few meters away. They told us to suspend the activities, and to follow them to their office. Which we did, since there was certainly no objection. Once we sat in front of the Chief of Security - a big Saudi, - we listened to the report from his subordinate. The big man told us that for the moment our activity was suspended, awaiting further investigation. We tried to explain our reasons, but we were immediately silenced. A couple of days passed, long days because with nothing to do it was hard to kill time. Then we were called by the Project Management, a meeting in which the Security big man was also present. It was explained to us that ''yes, we understand that you must carry out your topography activity, but everything must be carried out safely and in harmony with the rules in force - from now on therefore in the morning, before starting work, you will have to go to the security office, where you will be assigned a soldier who will accompany you during the activities''.

So it was like that: every morning we went to pick up Abdullah, a local Security guy who naturally at the first position wanted to look through the instrument, and immediately asked:

But where are the nurses

KING KHALED ARRIVAL IN TAIF And then one day someone warns us: ''The King has arrived in Taif, the hearings will begin soon!! At an early hour, we all breathed a sigh of relief. But since we were still in Saudi Arabia, there was no need to rush - after all we had only been stuck for ''three months only''…… And in fact it was still a month before a plebeian hearing. In short, it went more or less like this: The people who claimed to be owners of the land where the hospital extension would be built had been summoned to the large khaima (audience tent). The protocol provided that the ''subjects'' could not speak directly to the King, but had to do so through his First Secretary. And so it was. -His Excellency, we are here because a foreign company has begun work on the extension of the Al Hada hospital, but we who are the legitimate owners have not received any compensation. -The Secretary reported, and King Khaled whispered something in his ear.

Then the Secretary turned to his subjects and said:

His Majesty King Khaled has received your message and gives you his word that you will receive fair compensation for your lands.

So within 2 minutes the controversy was over, and the next day we were able to access the construction site and start activities again. King Khaled's word was enough to convince the owners to lift the block of the construction site. And this is one of the positive aspects of an absolutist monarchy like the one that still exists in Saudi. You cannot compromise on the King's decisions, you just have to obey, also because the people who stopped the work knew two things well:

That they would receive a large reward upon release of the land, of infinitely greater value than a few hectares of barren and mangy mountains.

If they had raised the slightest objection to the King's will, the Royal Guard would have arrested them on the spot!

LEAVING SAUDI FOR GOOD (FOR GOOD?) Something had gone wrong from the beginning between me and the Project Manager, Eng. Birago. An elderly man and unsuitable for the dynamic role that the job required, but that's it… In a recent conversation with one of my my old colleagues - Mancin Silvano - he revealed to me that Birago had accused me of a ''racist attitude'' towards the Somalis and Eritreans who worked with us: nothing could be more false. In any case, at the beginning of July 1981 I left Saudi Arabia for good. (or at least I thought…). The last journey home was ''unforgettable'' if only because Birago made me do it using one of the Fiat 127 ''station wagons'' (Made in Brazil) that he - a thrifty man - had purchased. No air conditioning just to say!! So it was more than four hours of sauna before arriving at Jeddah airport, where I boarded an Air France flight coming from Mogadisho and flying towards Paris. I was sitting in one of the first rows, and next to me was a man in his sixties, who later turned out to be an Italian professor. He told me that he was professor of Agronomy at the Rome's Tor Vergata University and that as part of the aid from the Italian Government to the Somali Government, he used spent 4 months a year teaching agricultural techniques to the Somalis.

You know - he told me - in Mogadisho at the moment it's not bad - life is quiet - I live in a hotel on the seafront - the only thing is that in the evening, at sunset, when one would like to be in peace sipping a coffee 'and maybe a rum on the terrace of the restaurant…well there are those little Somali girls…cute ehh…but they are persistent…in the end one always has to resort to the help of the hotel Security to get rid of them…very annoying.....''

He was telling all this to a guy - me - who had last seen a girl like 6 months before…………..

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nursingwriter · 3 months ago

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Nurse Educator: What I Have Learned My interaction with a nurse educator has been positive because the educator provided a good learning environment by essentially banning negativity from the classroom and promoting an atmosphere of positivity. This inclined me to want to excel and to do my best in the class, and it also diminished any fears of failure I might have had because I knew that the teacher would not harp on failures but would always be encouraging. Thus, the teacher removed the pressure from the classroom and made the experience very enjoyable. I wanted to do well in the class just to show my gratitude for the positivity that the teacher brought. The educator was also always attentive to questions and needs of the students, going above and beyond the average teacher: this educator always asked how we were, if we were getting everything we needed, if we had any questions. The teacher would take time to meet with anyone who wanted extra help and never showed any signs of annoyance or of being busy with other work. One way the nurse educator made a difference was through the art of "empowering others" which the teacher made it a point to do (Conger, 1989, p. 17): not only did the teacher provide the information but also provided the tools to succeed through an excellent assessment of ethics and how to interact with patients, giving the student a firm grasp of practical exercises. The teacher also emphasized the duty of the nurse to be honest and even if one makes a mistake to admit the mistake and let everyone in the unit know so as to avoid troubles from trying to hide it later down the road. This is an important part of being transparent in the nursing field (Philipsen, Soeken, 2011). On the other hand, faculty behaviors that do not provide a good learning environment are related to the atmosphere as well. Nurse educators who do not show up on time for class give the impression of not caring about the class and cause students to not care as well. They appear to be busy and the spread the example of being too busy to give attention to others, which is dangerously contagious. This sort of behavior has a negative impact on the class and does not produce a good learning environment. Plus, when the educator allows negativity to permeate the classroom it reduces the ability of struggling students to want to reach out. If I were to select faculty behaviors and incorporate them into my own teaching style, I would incorporate the one regarding the banning of negativity. I believe this is a very important step in cultivating the right kind of teaching atmosphere. Positivity is forward-motivating whereas negativity simply serves to pull one down and to keep them held back. The teacher should always be positive and always reinforce concepts and support struggling students by giving positive reinforcement and inspiring through an uplifting message that is full of encouraging words and tones. This is the essence of proper orientation that needs to be more of a trend in today's classrooms. Negativity is too daunting of an obstacle for many learners, so it becomes the task of the teacher to orient the classroom towards a policy of positivity -- essentially banning negativity from the classroom so that the learner is better able to focus on what he can do and what the goal is rather than on doubts and frustrations (Knight, 2011). Faculty should handle situations of harassment, bullying, hearsay, and gossip in a learning environment by addressing those issues directly and not trying to sidestep them or get around them by ignoring them. They are serious issues that need to be addressed in the classroom where they are happening. Bullying, for example, can be very negative on the classroom environment and can keep students from learning, which is why they are there in the first place. Thus the teacher should make an effort to remove such learning obstacles as this. Bullying, it should be noted at the beginning of the class, will not be permitted or tolerated and once that is made clear then the class can proceed in an orderly fashion. It is important however to make these rules clear at the outset so that students know what to expect should someone decide to engage in that sort of behavior. It is also important for the teacher to make sure that he or she actually makes good on the promise to discipline the class. The same goes for harassment, hearsay and gossip -- none of those are good or positive forms of communication and each should be stopped in the classroom. Students will follow the example of the teacher if that sort of behavior is not tolerated, but if a teacher himself engages in that sort of behavior then it sets a bad example and a bad tone for the class. The process of completing the Ethics Game case studies and DiSC® changed the way I view my professional role as a nurse educator in that it gave me a lot to consider in terms of ethical principles and personality. DiSC was especially helpful as a personal assessment tool: it helped me to determine my own personality type as well as those around me. It showed the behaviors that dominant persons, or influential persons, or steadfast persons or conscientious persons demonstrate, so I can now better pick up on my own ways of behaving and also pick up on those of others. It is helpful in that if I am dealing with someone who is optimistic and showing enthusiasm, I can mirror that trait and practice my influential type of personality. In this manner, it is a lot easier to get along with individuals. Especially considering my role as a nurse educator, it is helpful because one comes into contact with so many personalities, it is very helpful to be able to identify them and adapt. So now I can use DiSC to better understand patients, students and other colleagues -- even myself -- in terms of behavior that I exhibit and what it means to other people. The importance of lifelong learning in developing my professional nursing role as a nurse educator is found in the fact that learning never really stops, no matter what you are doing. For example, if I don't constantly engage myself in learning again and again good nursing tools, then I learn the opposite -- I learn to be disengaged, to be lethargic. I learn to forget. It is far better and far more important to learn to remember. Towards this aim, there is the lifelong learning process that helps me to develop professionally as a nurse educator and to keep myself in top form. Others will be looking to m for an example of how to conduct themselves and if I do not demonstrate that form every day and everywhere, then I am setting a bad example and not fulfilling my role as a nurse educator. Education takes place everywhere -- not just in the classroom. It takes place on the job, outside work, outside the class, in social settings. This is not to say that one should always be "professional," because surely one can be more laid back when in a social setting -- but nonetheless one should always be aware of the standard of conduct that is expected of a professional, and this is no less true for the nurse educator. Lifelong learning this helps to ingrain this principle in me. It also keeps me up-to-date on the latest development trends in the nursing field, which is useful information to know when acting as an educator. One should be in a position to provide quality guidance to others with less experience. That is why lifelong learning is so important to me in this capacity. References Conger, Jay A. (1989). Leadership: The art of empowering others. Academy of Management Executive, 3 (1) 17- 25. Knight, J. (2011). What good coaches do. Educational Leadership, 69(2): 18-22. Philipsen, N. C., Soeken, D. (2011). Preparing to blow the whistle: A survival guide for nurses. The Journal for Nurse Practicioners, 7(9): 740-746. https://www.paperdue.com/customer/paper/ethical-considerations-for-a-nurse-educator-2156163#:~:text=Logout-,EthicalConsiderationsforaNurseEducator,-Length4pages Read the full article

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scarsandpurpose · 5 months ago

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Journal Writing ❤️

Self-acceptance is the key to unlocking the peace we’ve been searching for all along. Accept that we are not, and cannot be perfect. Accept that we can never please everyone at the same time, no matter how much we try. Accept that we will make mistakes, but can always learn from them. Accept that it is our responsibility to heal our wounds, even if they have been caused by others. Accept that we have parts of ourselves that we may not be proud of, and learn to gently work on them in a way that helps move us forward. Accept that our traumas are not a free pass for any hurtful behaviors. Accept that not everyone will stick around forever, so learn to make the most of our time with them. Accept that we are a work in progress and have a long way to go. Accept that our body will change, and our face will change, and that is beautiful. Accept ourselves as we are, and we will begin to change our life. I like being weird to people. The black sheep, the odd duck, the one who don’t quite fit in the places everyone else seems to belong. I like being the one who sits quietly, watching, thinking, while the world rushes past others. The one who sees things differently, who ask questions no one else dares to ask. The eccentrics. The artist. The dreamer. The person who paints outside the lines, not because I can’t follow the rules, but because I know the rules were never meant for me. The loner, the thinker, the one who refused to let the world tell me who to be. My soul is unshaken by the crowd. My kindness is quiet but unrelenting. I carry stories in my heart that most people wouldn’t understand, and maybe that’s what makes me beautiful. Not my strangeness, but my truth. The way I remind myself that being different isn’t a flaw, it’s a gift. I am shaped by a blend of experiences, thoughts, and emotions that no one else in the world can replicate. My quirks and strange behaviors are reflections of my individuality, the little pieces of myself that make me human and real. What’s beautiful about my weirdness is that it breaks the monotony of sameness, reminding me that life is vibrant, unpredictable, and endlessly creative. These differences allow me to connect on deeper levels, as I recognize and celebrate the beauty of being imperfect and wonderfully diverse. In embracing my weirdness, I honor my truth that my uniqueness is not something to hide but the very essence of what makes life extraordinary. I embrace myself. Express myself and love myself. I hope you all do too. You’re amazing and one of a kind. Sometimes it can be really strange how we can be almost at peace with something that happened to us. But it will continue to be a defining moment of our life for the rest of our life. We won’t think about it much anymore, but every once in a while, something small reminds us of it. And we will think how strange it is because it’s like living a life in two acts. At the end of day, it’s us. It’s us who has to make sure that we’re okay. It’s us who has to hold ourselves. It’s us who has to decide to keep going. We have to keep holding on and keep trying. We can do it because we are strong and we’ve made it so far. The love you give yourself sets the tone for how you experience the world. Nurturing yourself allows you to grow, heal, and show up fully for the life you’ve been given, embracing both its challenges and its beauty. God has your back because his love is infinite, reminding you that even in moments of doubt, you are guided, supported, and never truly alone. Trusting in yourself and in God allows you to walk through life with courage, knowing that your strength comes not only from within but also from the grace that surrounds you. Together, your self-compassion and God’s unwavering presence create a foundation for hope, resilience, and the unshakable belief that you are always enough. God is with you.

-DC

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only-lonely-lovers · 2 years ago

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07.18.2022

tags: pee, blowjobs, sick during sex

notes: includes discussion of personal experiences with chronic illness and sex

Bird is あ / Avvy is つ

[discussing a draft of our fic, which involves assisted peeing]

つ：oh my surprise at… pee…. ah my embarrassment is so immense over it that I get shy like n-no you don't have to cater to meeee don't force yourself!! but. I know bird likes too and, this is very tasteful…. I like uhm, that it feels like sucking it clean is actually such a natural tsukasa impulse, if licking tears is… why not? I like that Amane's response is as good as being raspberry'd on the tummy, like WHEEUUhh hehe but like hrgh stop at once, as much as it is with anything…. Tsukasa really does feel like a little alien without a naturally forming sexuality, it's more like all of amane's body is equivocal… there can't be disgust about tears, pee, boogies, anything…..

I like that this would be earlier in the TL, maybe when he's more like 3 or something…. not the world's sickest kid. but a very sick kid. an early 3 i mean

あ：Uhuhm, I wanted it to be like… You're starting to be more quarantined and missing out on stuff, and it's frustrating because you miss it. But you're not going to DIE from the strain, it's just foolish, a genuine hubris…

つ：its just inadvisable…. not yet feeling enough intense consequences as to completely understand you can't do it…

あ：Anddd... when I think about being very sick at 3, it really feels like ah, wouldn't it be soo easy to get into incidents where you wet yourself or something. Just didn't plan it. But amane also being like sooo the kind of kid who is going to want to die at such a mistake

つ：would be so humiliated…. you imagine this is a kid who was quick to potty train, anyway….

あ：Wanna do it m'self. Always more geared to that mindset, like mleh no thanks i got it…

Hehe I was hoping to just kinda keep the contents a surprise. but i want it too and I hope Avvy can keep that in mind when she looks over something like this hehe💞

in general tsukasa comes off as such a 'oh, you missed a spot. mlem.' kid , genuinely just showing affection this way, isnt able to at all worry about the optics

つ：such an earnest PoV…. mm I just do like nothing ah, 'interrupting' in its tone or tenor, just cuz weenie involved… since it's tsukasa's PoV, the neutrality of it all, and benign curious interest and ah, the desire to problem-solve for Amane is the root of doing anything…

あ：Despite everything he has a caretaker learn and is trying to think about Amane's wellbeing and entertainment

There's really no dramatic emphasis its like oop. careful with your weenie here let me just

and on Amane's end it's almost like sigh i did this to myself. But i liked the thought of this just being a sensation he kinda has in the back of his brain like mguh….

It happened so quick and also so seamlessly with everything else and he wasn't even looking. that it's like. what was that. something

つ：shouldn't have complained bout this or that… being fussy about anything just creates more circumstance for tsukasa to be forward-thinking

あ：ahh yes. a kind of boy… Lick you clean you up

つ：nobody likes to be messy… amane is like a cat

but its like ah…. Tsukasa is legitimately and consistently the thoughtful sibling, memorizing your favorite things, and needs… I like that Tsukasa is this, but not responsible… shows here. his allegiance is to Amane, and that's that there would be no disobeying Amane's command even if it was inadvisable, even if it would be better to listen to mom…

あ：It's really like, I cannot not-listen to Amane…. It's what he wants…. Tsukasa simply trusting that if Amane wanted him to fetch parents, that he would cave and beseech

つ：and the lack of empathy, means he can just watch you cough and note the cadence, repetition, how often it is… less mm, overwhelmed or panicked than someone else would be…. if amane said to wait and he can do it… then…. ok! i wait.

あ：i am good i wait. rub rub. nuzz. i love you simply in observation of amane's pain.. perhaps, feeling too much admiration of him during it. but not malicious!! so key

つ：and it's touching, if he's enduring it to be outside with you…. that feels beautiful.

あ：it's like oh… I promise I will appreciate it sooo much i do i do

つ：uhm but, bird did a good job capturing the energy… I'm feeling like our take on tsukasa's ah, interest, is ssso satisfying and rewardingly congruous with the canon…. it feels like a pure kind of love. I like that Amane, who is a bit more typical in his brain shape in some ways, is mystified by it… he has a sliight more natural inclination to be like, urghk… tsukasa…. [a little exasperated]….. its so… ah why are you like this.. (shouldn't you know its a little…..) but, not even at an age where its like, you know, "dont do that its weird/sexual/etc" as much as a natural sense of protectiveness i think anyone has for private/embarrassing things or 'gross' things….! its really not a… no homo at that age, its a. [just sortof feeling boundaries a bit crossed over, and that it's self-evident as well]

lacking the language to really state any of that, either

_______________

つ：uhhhooo I will saaay…~ that you don't likely remember anything said during Big Blowjob, buuuuut there was an instruction amongst the rambling, and it's enabled a certain kind of fantasy since…. genuinely a kind I wouldn't indulge without the urging! I feel so: hai. About it. ! Amane said… that I should think about doing this (smex) with him at any point… that he should have been doing it from the start. He wanted me to think about it! Naturally, it just isn't plausible or a thing that happened, so I don't just think of it….. but, thinking of completely different timelines… its very nice~ in particular very little sick blowjob is pleasant… having to be extremely gentle, slow by design…. being pet while Amane lays back, and yet when he coughs it tenses the body in such a way to shortly buck him up into mouth a few times, so even the coughing fits intermittently, are a treasure… an aspect not to be sad about, but to cherish…. more of a soothing sensation to share than anything…. and rewarding for him, to have something nice. Very clipped in words… having to focus on breathing. Just muttering 'thank you' or 'good job….' now and again… not talkative.

あ：Uoh. Well….. …… … it's like Amane just wanted to take you where he has been at I suppose. Don't leave me here all alone with these thoughts … …… but also enjoy yourself too….

Feel soo basic about sick blowies but I like the thought of them too… it's the thought of getting a taste of pleasure amidst such a troubled time. As embarrassing as Amane could feel I think the brain is just so desperate for a soothing sensation, the binkie of a slow blowjob could be immense. Long and very slow… don't want to leave it… In a way it's as kind as Tsukasa sneaking you extra ice cream or something, have to just be appreciative. Thank you for. being willing to do this.

It'd be a low pressure enough situation where he doesn't have to think about performing much, it's nice to just lay back and receive. And space out through the experience

つ：I like Amane becoming very casually spoiled… and yet also, arrogant about it a bit… his life is so hard, and it all hurts so bad, it's not something he's embarrassed or shy to ask for once it's going…. if tsukasa is so healthy, if breath isn't so precious to him and hard-earned, he may as well be here doing this

I imagine like for Bird it can feel like it keeps symptoms at bay sometimes….. a brief interlude

あ：seems like the sort of thing that one could just get acclimated to like (doesnt lift head or look up, just reaches hands in the direction of, grabby motions.) give… come here…

It's really like whatever sex fires off in you, sometimes just dulls everything and you stop coughing or sneezing so much.

Sick boy is removed enough from having to think about idk the consequences of doing such a thing, it doesn't feel risky or bad to teach Tsukasa this. it's like his personal right. if i like it, then it's my choice and it's fine. [like not capable of worrying abt what this does to your relationship or something]

almost like a bit too confident like: ehh tsukasa likes it ofc >> much like tsukasa will like many thing. its my choice tho just looking for pleasure. [griffin voice] ohh any moisture at all

つ：it is like.. tsukasa is not picky…. about his time… and he's always putting stuff in his mouth, whateverrrr

_______________

あ：oh to see you like sobbing when days go by and there is no tsukasa

the fact that amane is really more quick to cry and frequently crying…. makes it soo easy to imagine just miserable. so sad

つ：oh it makes me think of the brainlessness of the amane looking for tsukasa like hehe where are you. [looks around] …..

あ：it surely started out ala jake singing where - is - finn! and then devolved into this

finds your teddybear and just sorta feels like ❔ idgi

つ：sleep with both bears….

あ：oh all the stages of grief a newly healthy amane can have. he's , just a kid, i think it really was like sobs. but likely not in front of parents i think, it's like. you watch your parents freaking out and trying to call the police and going out looking for tsukasa and you're shut down for that. but i think laying alone in bed is like [facedown crying]

and surely just being like . maybe he got lost. maybe he's in the backyard somewhere maybe he saw something…

つ：hnnhnhnnnnn snfsnf.... i imagine mom/dad are also very like... its gonna be okay amane... we'll find him soon.... and he's just . ok.

あ：to his face they are surely placating and reassuring, don't worry son. but i think he can observe as they are frazzled and panicked…

i think amane just has to feel so stupid like. …. i not sick anymore. ………. ………… .. [doesnt. want to do anything outside.] maybe really becoming two bears everywhere boy. its the last thing he touched. ohhh roachie…. oh my god roachie no no no… [intrinsically sad that this is the last thing tsuaksa put his mouth on]

with my new healthy boy body i run around the yard calling tsukasa's name, further devastating my grieving parents inside the house that stupid emotion like, you're gonna find tsukasa asleep under a log or something. he got lost and was on his way home and got tired and fell asleep behind a tree

つ：thinking maybe the police don't know where to look…. you know where tsukasa would go… use your newfound stregt to yell into storm draains. maybe he chased a frog down into one….

あ：amane, bearer of 500 emotions: why tsukasa… why did you have to run outside… [angry] why did you leave me-!!! what did you see something shiny. MG D FHD!!! FDHG [crying] or…. maybe he… he didn't like the birthday….? [devastated] ….. … or, he- [idk imagining him falling into a river] nooo

what if he's in the well

つ：he's in that storm drain

あ：Truly its like. but hte police don't know tsukasa. They don't know he could've been beguiled by a shiny beetle

#22 #playtimes #pre-shinjuu #i

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mothinked · 1 month ago

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Ellie scuffed a boot against the asphalt as she walked and replied to Abby with more docility than she'd shown before. More passivity, less caution but tentative of their fragile armistice. Offering Abby her full attention. "I'd believe you, if you told me," she said softly, just loud enough for her companions to catch. It was mostly mono-syllabic communication up until this point for the two women while she talked at length to Lev. Answering his questions to the best of her ability, even if they were more of a personal nature.

She was willing to entertain him and patient in showing him things he was unfamiliar with. Teaching was important, to pass on your knowledge and experience was invaluable. It was something she learned after leaving the Boston QZ and settling in Jackson for the first time. She had Joel to thank for learning so much. But also Dina and JJ as well. Meanwhile Tommy was the uncle she never had... Her last connection to Joel. She loved him and Maria like family, and they were her family.

Lev was Abby's family, there was no mistaking that.

Ellie found him to be well-mannered and kind, much like her son. Endearingly inquisitive, too. He covered Abby's weaknesses, helped draw her strength when she faltered and helped to ground her mentally. He was brave and compassionate in equal measure and Ellie told him once, unbidden, that she thought he would make a great leader. That the world needed more men like him. The way he shyly dipped his head and smiled was enough to make her day. Ellie knew she wouldn't have lasted this long being alone with Abby and so she was grateful that he came along for the journey.

Ellie noticed a lot about these two. And she doubted he would have let Abby do this on her own regardless. Nah, not this kid with his unwavering determination and stares that could make even two very headstrong women like them listen and relent, however begrudgingly. Abby needed him, that much Ellie knew beyond the shadow of a doubt. Nothing was able to tear these two apart.

Perhaps to make her first real effort to have Abby open up to her or to fill the quiet, Ellie began enumerating some fucked up shit she had experienced. "Came across a group of cannibals when I was fifteen." It was said with a nonchalant shrug. She'd lived through much worse in the years since. "Then a couple of years back, there was this other group I came across. Near Colorado Springs... I think? This man and woman saw me come out of a building filled with spores—" Here, she chuckled humorlessly. "—no mask. They saw how I wasn't showing signs of infection so naturally, they were curious. Shocked. I went with them to their camp when they offered me food."

"Yeah, I knew it was stupid but I hadn't caught any animals in days. They started acting.... really fucking weird in the next day or two and before I could get out of there, the man... their leader, I suppose, gathers his people in some kind of cult circle and draws a knife on me." Ellie added imagery to the story by holding out her switchblade, her eyes going from Lev to Abby as she lowered her voice and adopted a gruffer tone. "He said, 'We want your blood'. Like he was asking for me to give him the last piece of jerky or something. So I let them see their own blood instead... but then the woman got the others to grab me. They sliced my hand open."

She could still see the line of faded scar tissue on the palm of her left hand. Barely there but a souvenir of this unsettling encounter nevertheless. Ellie's switchblade was tucked away into the back pocket of her jeans before she continued. "They thought drinking my blood would make them immune. I'm sure they would have tried to eat me or worse if I hadn't gotten away. And I couldn't let them follow me either."

The rest of the tale was fill-in-the-blanks. She was quiet for a moment, staring off at nothing in particular as they walked, pensive. "I don't know if it would have even worked. My blood could be different though." She made eye contact with Abby, green seizing blue—like the earth meeting the sky. "Guess we'll find out soon enough." This brokered agreement was why they put aside their history and in spite of said history, they were choosing to co-exist without the threat of violence against each other.

Could she say she still hated Abby with every fiber of her being? The answer was no, she didn't. The hate and the wrath that came with it was gone. Did Abby feel that it wasn't there anymore? If she were to ask, there would be no point in lying. Ellie wasn't willing to choke on her own blood before she'd swallow her pride... Not anymore. Not over this. Abby had her own reasons for being the one to talk Ellie into the whole thing. In truth, Ellie wasn't so sure she would have trusted the Fireflies had they brought others to find her.

She, too, had her reasons, ones that didn't involve helping make a cure. To right her wrongs... To understand the woman who changed everything. Things she couldn't entirely made sense of let alone admit out loud.

Did the Firefly leader pick Abby because of her history with Ellie or did she volunteer beforehand while suggesting they continue Jerry's legacy? Ellie stored that question away for later.

She still wanted to make her immunity mean something, even if that also meant she was betraying Joel's and Jesse's memory in having her peace with Abby. The Fireflies could take her blood, run their tests and ask their questions. But they couldn't have her life—this was something she could not give up while she still had the people who loved her.

"So, what's this thing I wouldn't believe?"

Such a dismissive reaction to the offer of leading them didn’t come as any surprise to Abby. Sure whatever was right. The idea still didn’t thrill her but it was either try to navigate blind or leave it to someone who knew the area better than the two of them. The choice seemed simple enough, even if neither of them were a fan of the idea. She manages to contain an eye roll which is impressive. Lev could at least be proud that she was trying to somewhat come off as reasonable at that moment in time. A quick look in his direction and a nod in return is the reassurance she needs that everything is going to be okay. With such a fucked up history, his was the only judgment she could trust at this point and as long as he continued to trust Ellie, Abby would be forced to do the same. Even if it went against every single instinct in her body. She would be ready at a moments notice though to spring into action if needed. The remnants of the violence Ellie was capable of were scattered about her skin, visible on sleeveless, suntanned arms. No reason had been given on this trip to keep her guard up but she certainly wouldn’t be letting it down around her.

The two of them watch as she hops up onto the roof of the car and their gaze falls into the direction she’s looking at. Mention of a horde makes her tense up, her jaw locking into place. It’s less than ideal, even with the alleged distance between them and infected. Abby had encountered her fair share of infected groups but in terms of numbers, nothing had quite outdone those that had chased her through the snowy Jackson mountains. A horde that nearly killed her if it hadn’t been for… No. She shakes the memory out of her head and forces herself to lock in on the task at hand. “I’ve seen shit you wouldn’t believe,” she states calmly and looks in the direction of the other woman. There’s no sarcasm in her statement. No smugness. Maybe the slightest hint of fear in the way it comes out. No matter how hard she tried, that fucking abomination in the basement of the hospital had not been forgotten. The fact that something like that could exist was one of the things that brought her genuine terror. Making it out of Seattle was an accomplishment but making it out of that place was a miracle unlike any other.

Her focused is back on the land and she takes the binoculars as they’re offered to her with no hesitation. Ellie is right. Definitely a horde and thankfully a solid distance away from them. Not enough for her liking. She scans the surrounding area more before taking one final look at the horde. The faster they can depart, the better. At least they seem to be on the same page with that sentiment. “C'mon,” Abby mumbles to Lev who also takes a look through the binoculars. “I don’t want to stay to find out what kind of shit might be out there.” He’d heard the story of the hospital before and knew better than to question it.

She doesn’t even notice the slower pace and finds herself walking ahead until Lev calls out her name and she glances over her shoulder at the both of them. Too many recollections from her past have her in a momentary fog and the snapback to reality is all it takes for her to lock back in and nod. “We can boil some water for reserve, cool off. I’ll get things going for the night if the two of you want to have a look around.”

#imafirefly

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moo-nstone · 4 years ago

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ASTRO OBSERVATIONS PT. 7

gemini and pisces placements are similar in the sense that geminis are able to see things from all perspectives, while pisces are able to empathise with people who have all sorts of different perspectives. pisces placements... be careful with over-empathising with the people who hurt you to the point where you’re understanding why they did it and you start excusing their actions. gemini placements... be careful with seeking the multi-layers and million different perspectives in everything and everyone to the point where you’re driving your own mind insane and you don’t know what your opinion is anymore because you hyper-analyse so much. too much of a good ability becomes a curse.

people with venus-mars aspects have a talent for making people who hate them fall in love with them 💋

moon in the 11th house natives tend to attract friends who get into scandals. moon in the 10th house natives tend to be the ones who get into said scandals. it’s a PERFECT FRIENDSHIP

capricorn placements have a talent for knowing how to make things last. they want to prolong the enjoyment they get out of something for as long as possible, which is why their hobbies, friendships and relationships tend to last a lifetime... hedonistic sluts

since both the 7th house and the 11th house rule fandoms, celebrities with a 7th house or 11th house neptune can attract fans who view them as angels who can’t do nothing wrong — because of this, those celebrities rarely take accountability for their mistakes, since people keep pushing the “but they’re perfect :(“ light on them

pluto conjunct ascendant natives always come off as very serious during first impressions, no matter how approachable and inviting they strive to appear.

sun and moon in the 10th house people may feel as if they’re always exposed to the public eye, they can’t get away with keeping things secretive. others always notice whatever they want kept on the low. this can be especially frustrating if they notice that others aren’t exposed to the same kind of scrutiny that they are for simply existing

lilith in pisces bitches have a natural talent for appearing like angels even in situations where they are 100% guilty. it’s very easy for them to put on their vulnerable, lost puppy act lmfao, which triggers others’ protective instincts. they may be able to cry on cue when people call them out on their bullshit, making them feel like THEY’re the shitty ones for confronting the lilith native... it’s insane

lilith in the 12th house natives may feel as though the themes of lilith are trapped in their psyche, at the core of who they are and those themes become unavoidable for them — they’re always there, lurking in the shadows, becoming the center of their nightmares

people with mercury in the 1st house can feel veryyy threatened and defensive when someone possesses knowledge in an area that they don’t, it’s like it hits them right on their biggest fears. they often either try to “one-up” the other person in an attempt to heal their broken ego or shut down altogether in insecurity. it’s imperative that they work on developing a strong sense of self-worth because they can be extremely prone to comparing their mental skills to those of other people.

people with personal planets in the 12th house may feel as though a lot of their artistic drive is stifled by their lack of energy. like... in the mental realm there’s a lot going on and it’s incredible, but then you pick up a pen to actualize your visions and you feel exhaustion immediately overtaking you. it can feel like there’s a lot to your psyche that feels inaccessible to you not because you don’t want to explore it, but because you have yet to restore the energy to dive deep into it. this can be especially noticeable if there’s absolutely no 5th house energy in the chart

people with jupiter in an earth sign love being surrounded by greeneries in their home; they may take a lot of enjoyment out of taking care of plants, gardening, cooking and stuff of the sort. it makes them feel more grounded, independent, and even healed. they also LOVE scents that connect them to nature like the scent of grass and the ocean.

air mercuries can be very beware of strangers, they can feel offended when their friends make them socialize with someone they don’t know and it can take a hot while before they trust the person enough to lower their defences a bit. they need to know it’s safe before expressing their usual sexy eccentric selves in front of someone new. on the other hand, aries placements can also hate being introduced to new people through their friends but it’s mostly because they’re very territorial over them, and can’t stand the thought that this new person can hurt their friendship in any possible way

meanwhile, it’s probably an earth or leo/sagittarius mercury introducing new friends to the group. they’re so fucking good with people and it shows in how they make people feel welcomed so easily, it’s like they “take” the person in and adopt them into the group. they can’t stand seeing someone being treated like an outcast because they know how it sucks to feel rejected, so they’ll try their best to make you feel included

while on the subject of people who hate seeing others be treated like an outcast because they know how it feels like to be rejected: SCORPIO RISINGS. bro. people underestimate how chill they can actually be. if they see you being left out, they’ll approach you with no fucks given and do anything in their power to make you feel comfortable. they do so well in group settings.

and while on the subject of scorpio risings... i have a scorpio rising friend and he goes thru it on the daily. he often complains that people are always suspicious of him and that they seem repulsed by him, strangers on the street will stay tf away from him. and it’s so heartbreaking because his personality is so friendly and welcoming and it doesn’t at all match his intimidating appearance. scorpio risings have this energy that not many people can handle, others feel either really drawn to them or downright scared of them because of the “danger” element they seem to carry in them

i know two people who are both scorpio suns and libra moons and they look the exact same, even though they have different risings. brown, deep-set eyes, coarse dark hair, naturally tanner skin tone — and they have the same style as well, using lots of band t-shirts and dark clothing. scorpio energy is always so noticeable wherever it is i swear, it’s like it takes over the rest of the chart

gemini moons are what yall claim gemini venuses to be. like, seriously... have you ever met someone with a gemini venus? they don’t need constant stimulation or else they’ll get bored and cheat. not in the slightest; actually, they’re often incredibly loyal and crave longterm, committed relationships. if anything, they need stimulation outside of their relationship in the form of a good, exciting career and hobbies so that they don’t get too addicted to their partner and to constantly analysing every aspect of their relationship. gemini moons however, tend to have multiple partners throughout life and they often feat deep commitment. they can be huge players imo, IT’S THEM YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT!

sagittarius placements are so... tactile? like, they love to touch things. when they go to stores and stuff, they’ll start holding everything that catches their attention— it’s like they can only decide if they want to buy something after thouroughly exploring how it feels, the texture and the energy that the object gives them through touch. and they talk so much with their hands. it makes me so anxious like bitch you aren’t selena gomez, i promise you that you CAN keep your hands to yourself

taurus placements are so weird to me, i can’t understand them. it’s like they’re afraid of exploring their own depths, which in turn makes me unable to explore them. okay, how do i put this... it’s like they have this preset idea of who they are and after deciding so, they’re unwilling to let go of it. “i’m the stable friend who’s here for everyone even when i can barely take care of my own self” and then that’s who they are: the people who are a steady rock in the lives of others, taking care of everyone. and then they refuse to change even after getting hurt. and then, it’s like... well, you can’t just be that. you are a human who contains multitudes, but i don’t think you give yourself enough credit on how layered you are. that fear of changeability, that need to be the one stable thing in a world full of unpredictability will only damage you in the end, because you won’t get to fully experience life’s greatest pleasure: knowing yourself. becoming your own best friend, exploring every layer that there is to your being. i think you deny yourself of that experience because you fear that, with self-learning comes self-growth which leads to transformation. and you fear transformation because you don’t want to change for the worst. but like... transformation is necessary and with that comes adaptability + flexibility, which are things you could greatly benefit from.

scorpio venuses can be so pessimistic— and when they’re in a dark mindset, it’s so difficult to pull them out of it. it’s so difficult to get them to see the good in difficult situations, and to help them believe that it gets better. but even if you don’t believe me, i’ll keep telling you; it does get better. you’ll get through this.

jupiter in the 4th house is an indicator of food having been an amazing part of your childhood; there might’ve been a lot of feasts and you could’ve had a parent who loved to cook. being well fed might be a huge concern for you now; you might get sick easily when you’re eating fast food and non-traditional plates.

mercury square uranus is an extremely difficult aspect to have because, in your earlier years, you might’ve felt dumb or like there was something wrong with your intelligence because you might’ve found school difficult due to it’s structured nature that didn’t fit with the way you like to learn things— you need to learn in an interactive way that piques your interest. your anxiety and any traumatic experienced that you faced could’ve heavily impacted your school performance. you might’ve had an ease with learning but then, when it came to doing the written tests, you couldn’t perform to the best of your abilities. either way, school might’ve been a source of a lot of stress and difficulty.

mercury square pluto can have some weird manifestation where, like... you suspect things but you always suspect the wrong things. i’ve met a few people with this aspect and all of them were extremely suspicious of the most random things who were literally normal and innocent. this aspect can cause a lot of chaos to one’s interpersonal relationships because you might find yourself suspecting your loved ones in the weirdest circumstances due to your trust issues, which in return causes them to lose trust in you + the want to confide in you because you keep questioning everything they’re up to WHEN THEY’RE NOT UP TO ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE. probably the most frustrating thing that can happen with this aspect is when you always suspect what you shouldn’t, but then, when sketchy things are actually happening that should be questioned, you don’t bat an eye to it. omfg it drives me insane

moon conjunct the ascendant can make someone have a very delicate appearance that gives others the impression that they need to handle you like fine china or else you might break. my mother has this at a very tight orb and whenever i bring people over, their first impression of her is always “she looks so frail”. the native might be extremely sensitive to every minor inconvenience which brings a lot of frustration to them, a feeling that they can’t control their reactions and inner turmoil. it can also suck when you don’t want to be depicted as the victim but then that’s the way everyone perceives you. the native might have very expressive and shiny eyes, and they can cry easily. it’s very difficult for them to hide their emotions.

your jupiter sign can signify where you feel an overflow of energy. jupiter in cancer may feel like you have an overflow of nurturing and protective energy towards your loved ones, with a lot of intuition and need for introspection. jupiter in leo can make you feel like you a talent for self-expression and dealing with others, being overly dramatic and prideful at times, and with a huge drive to have fun. jupiter in virgo can feel an overflow of perceptive qualities, with a huge amount of self-awareness and also awareness of your surroundings, ability to constantly analyse and a constant strive for perfection (which btw is impossible since perfection is unattainable and you’re a human being who makes mistakes and that’s completely fine. stop finding flaws where there aren’t none).

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erodasfishtacos · 4 years ago

Text

Not Your Charity Case

prompt: Harry is a frat boy - who doesn’t need sympathy from anyone. He makes Y/N feel a sense of home when they’re together. But is Harry just like every stereotypical frat boy?

word count: 6.2k

warnings: minor violence, language, deaf!harry, smutttt

other: when Harry is talking to Y/N or any other characters - it is to be noted that he is signing. When Y/N talks to Harry - she is also always signing

Let me know if you’d want to see anything else from this verse:)

+++

You were rushed - you really shouldn’t stop at the local coffee shop for a sugary, delicious mocha chip frappuccino.

Despite what people say, professors are much more lax and carefree in college.

It was about two weeks into the new semester, - your third here- and the seasons were changing - becoming autumn.

Chilled breezes, falling leaves, and vivid colors of nature made you happy.

When you arrive in line, there are two people ahead of you. A girl currently in front of the cashier and a tall male with a red and black flannel on behind her- typing away on his phone.

When she moves to the left, the broad man steps forward. His snapback facing backwards, brown curls dancing around his neck. You can’t help but notice how tall and lean he is, shoulders broad and straight.

You definitely haven’t seen him before on campus. You’d remember.

From what you can see, he shows the young girl behind the counter the screen of his phone without saying anything at all.

The raven-haired girl’s face pinches in annoyance. “We don’t accept orders like that. You need to tell me what you want.”

You’re a little surprised by both the rude cashier but also the man who doesn’t respond right away.

He attempts to show her his phone again but she shakes her head - annoyed.

You become interested in the situation when I watch him sign, a few gestures before pointing to his ears. In the most obvious form of saying “I can’t hear.”

The clueless girl gives him a blank look, “Listen, there’s a line. I don’t have time for this.”

You hoped you weren’t overstepping your boundaries when you slide up next to him, tapping him on his shoulder to get his attention.

It is a bit startling how gorgeous the boy is. He was tanned with bright green-eyes and a defined jawline that was currently clenched in frustration.

You sign, “What are you trying to order?”

He studies you for a second with hesitance before his long slim fingers begin to move, slowly as if he thinks you may be inexperienced in the form of language.

He replies, “Large coffee with a little cream and two sugars.”

You squeeze in front of him, “It is not only rude but illegal to not serve based on disabilities. Refusing an order from a deaf person isn’t moral or acceptable.”

The girl has enough decency to mumble an apology and turned bright pink, “Sorry, he doesn’t look deaf. “You roll your eyes - how can you tell that someone is deaf based on solely appearance? This girls a fucking idiot, you think.

You repeat his order to her, along with yours - sliding your debit card towards her and give her your name for the order.

The man trails behind you to the small waiting area. “Thank you,” he signs simply. You nod and return the pleasantry. The. hand him his steaming hot coffee.

“Thank you again. I’m going to be late to class, so I have to go,” he tells me, seeming a little out of place signing with a stranger.

“Go ahead, I’ll see you around.” It was the first time in a long time you’ve signed to anyone outside your family.

+++

Sipping your drink as you are only five minutes late and the class hasn’t even started yet. The man you just helped was sat in the back of the classroom, unloading his laptop.

With a little bravery, you wriggle your way through and plop into the wooden chair easily. Letting your backpack fall to the ground. Curly looks over at you with a frown, he signs, “Why are you sitting next to me?”

You blush, “I don’t know? Thought it’d be good to have someone to talk to.”

His hands are tense as he replies, “I’m not a charity case, so you can leave me alone.”

“Never said you were,” you huff when you tell him. Not appreciating how rude he was being. Signing had its own tones and expressions so to speak. For example, when someone is happy their signs and movements are different than when they’re sad or frustrated.

Harry seems to be the latter. You wrestle out your laptop to the PowerPoint that was going to be discussed today in class. You noticed Harry stared very intently at the professor to read his lips and expression.

You was surprised he didn’t have an interpreter with him but you’re sure he got special accommodations elsewhere. Even though that was absolutely none of your business.

His shoulders are tensed and he makes sure your arms don’t brush like you have cooties for the entire two hours. The nameless boy is up and out of his seat as soon as the professor shuts off the projector and turns on the lights - signaling class to be over.

Well fuck him then.

***

You don’t make the mistake to sit next him again. But that doesn’t mean you could ogle his strong muscular back and big hands.

It wasn’t your place to care but you felt twinges in your tummy when you noticed him struggling to keep up with the fast-speed class on certain days.

You were in the large, rustic library that smelled of old books and damp wallpaper. It was dead silent as people furiously studied or worked on papers due.

As you paced the shelves, you could not find the book you needed for your American Literature class. Fuck the Dewey Decimal System.

Part-time uni students probably just stuffed returned books in any open space they saw fit. But you need this book in particular, a discussion board post due by midnight and it was currently eight-thirty. They had ran out of copies at the on-campus bookstore.

After a valiant effort, you trudge up to the checkout counter. A little sign reads, “ring me if no ones here!”

You impatiently ring the silver bell. But no one comes. You give whoever is working a minute or two but nothing. Another ring it is.

Silence. No one. Of fucking course, luck is not on your side tonight.

You dramatically clunk your head onto the high counter top in front of you - groaning at the fact you may fail the assignment.

A tentative pat on your shoulder makes you snap your head up. To see the boy you’ve been constantly avoiding standing behind the checkout desk.

“Are you okay?” He asks. He had a name-tag on - Harry. He honestly looked a bit out of place. Harry appeared to be a frat boy. He was still had a boyish air about him but an intensity that was unmatchable.

He didn’t look like he would work in the library. He looked like...well he looked like he would be a beer pong referee or something.

You couldn’t see below his torso but he had a plain black snapback on and a vintage Elton John concert tee. A cross necklace dangling over the worn shirt.

You smile, embarrassed, but reply, “Just being dramatic. I can’t find a book and I was waiting here.”

There’s mirth in his eyes when he points to the bell,”Did you ring the bell?”

Your brows furrow, “I did.”

“Well I can’t hear it, I’m deaf,” he deadpans with a straight face and a dry sense of humor.

You roll your eyes, laughing nervously, “I didn’t know you were working!”

“What do you need?”

He helps you locate the book in two minutes flat before checking you out and you rushing home to finish the homework.

You felt bad ignoring your little sister’s FaceTime calls but you promised to call her back tomorrow.

***

Though once again, you hadn’t interacted with Harry since last week - you constantly found yourself studying his stoic profile or fast moving fingers.

You would never befriend Harry because you feel bad for him - like he presumed. You enjoyed American Sign Language and it actually made you feel back at home.

You’re little sister was born completely deaf. She was much younger than you - eight years old. Fifteen years apart to be exact. You learned the language along with her and your parents.

When you were at home and your sister was there - you guys tried to only sign so she didn’t feel left out. So Harry felt like home - a little despite his completely off-putting demeanor. It made you a little bit more persistent than with any other frat boy.

***

The bulletin board in your advisor’s office caught your eyes. None of the little tabs ripped off in interest.

‘Student with ASL experience and above a 3.5 GPA needed for tutoring sessions - twice weekly. $16 dollars an hour.’

After your meeting, you tugged the little scrap of paper off and tuck it into your pocket. You couldn’t know for sure if it was Harry but you didn’t know of any other deaf students in the program.

You say ‘fuck it’ and type out an email to the advisor of academic affairs and accommodations to throw your hat in the ring.

***

You don’t hear back for three days - nearly forgetting about it in the mean time. Your eyes scan quickly over the email to grant you the position. They include contact information for no other than Harry Styles.

After psyching yourself out a little and a few paces across your kitchen tiles - you text him.

Hey! I’m your new assigned tutor. Would you like to set up a time and place? As well as what kind of help you’re looking for.

The reply text comes shortly after

Hello, thank you very much. I am just in need of hearing ears. I am deaf and have a hard time keeping up with the my professor. I have begun recording the lectures in hope that you can sign then to me.

Sure thing. That won’t be a problem!

I live in Alpha Sigma on 3rd street. I have my own room. I’d rather not have the tutoring session in public. However, if that makes you uncomfortable - we can figure something out.

You take a minute to debate. You understand why this would be a task too loud for the library and why he’d want privacy. You didn’t feel like I’d be uncomfortable with him.

I saw twice a week so does Tuesday and Thursday at seven work?

Sounds great. Thank you again x

Did he know it was me? Was he expecting it to me?

***

He was definitely not expecting you. You automatically knew that by the way his friendly smile dissipated into a frown when he opened the door for you.

You attempted to look nice today without trying too hard. A loose crop top with the university’s name, a pair of tight black leggings, bulky white socks bunched at your ankles, and white sneakers. Very 80’s.

You try to keep your composure, “Hi Harry, I’m going to be your tutor.”

He slowly nods at you, huffing out a breathe of irritation before inviting you into the frat house.

You’d only been here once or twice for a party so you had no idea what the house actually looked like when there weren’t bodies and booze everywhere.

He’s walking you past a group of boys playing FIFA on the flatscreen in the living room, white claws open everywhere.

“Y/N! Hey babe!” You look over to see Niall - one of your good friends from your part-time job at the bookstore - trotting over to you guys.

The blonde pulls you into an overexcited hug. He reminded you of a cuddly, soft puppy dog most of the time.

“Are you Harry’s little tutor?” Niall coos, leaning over to pinch Harry’s cheek.

Harry- who was observing the conversation, focusing in on our lips, immediately bats his friend away. A small scowl forming on his face.

It automatically turns into a playful brawl where Niall tugs Harry into headlock. But he has no strength on the brunette.

Harry turns out of it quickly and pushes Niall to the ground. He straddles his stomach and begins to jokingly pinch and slap at him.

Niall hisses, “Ouch! You motherfucker! Big oaf!”

Then you don’t know why you find this endearing but Niall signs the word, “uncle” a few times to signal he’s accepted his lost.

The fact that they wrestle so much that Niall learned to sign how to give up made you giggle more than it should.

Harry crawls off of him, running a hand through his messy curls, his face a little flushed.

“I’ll talk to you later!” You tell Niall as your trailing behind Harry up a flight of stairs.

His room is extremely neat. A fluffy navy comfort decorated his bed with a few photos of flowers and nature on his wall. A tidy desk tucked away in the corner that had all of his school work loaded on top of it.

He chooses to sit in his desk chair, motioning for you to perch on his bed. You look at him expectantly when he pulls out the tape recorder and sets it on the surface.

He pulls his laptop into his lap and begins signing, “I need you to transcribe the lecture for me so I can follow it. We can skip through the bits where he is rambling or off topic.”

You nod, letting him know to begin whenever he’s ready. He presses the side button and the recording starts but it super unclear and garbled.

“Did you record this from your seat?” You ask, the professors words nearly inaudible and fuzzy.

“Yes.”

“You need to bring it to the front of the room. Ask Dr. Morrison to lay it on his desk before class. I can’t hear anything but static and mumbles,” You tell him.

He laughs and shakes his head. His movements rough and angry, “Of course its fucked up. I get you as my tutor and then the recorder is shit.”

You glare at him, offended as you haven’t done anything to this boy. “Excuse me? I’ve literally been trying to help since I’ve meet you. What is your fucking issue?”

“I’m not a charity case! I don’t need you to feel bad for me. I’m not helpless! You’re probably just a silly little girl who took ASL in high school because it was cool and trendy. Go back to focusing on psych.”

“Fuck you, Harry,” Your gestures getting sharper and your face sour, “You know nothing about me so don’t act like you do. I don’t feel bad for you or think that you’re helpless.” You put up a hand and tell him to not talk.

“I was just being nice because I thought you were handsome and at first, seemed friendly. It turns out you’re just like every douchebag frat boy I’ve met. What a disappointment,” You chuckle, swinging your bag on your shoulder and storm out of the room without another look.

***

The cafe was jammed packed - it was Waffle Wednesday. You had said waffles in your tray and were about to plop down on a stool when you hear your name being called.

“C’mere, come sit with us!” He hollers over the commotion of the crowd. Niall.

You’re about to decline when some dude slips behind you and snags the stool. Shit.

A bit unwillingly you slide into the booth next to Niall, cracking open your sparkling water. “Mates, this is Y/N, we work at the store together and she’s Harry’s tutor,” he tells them. “Y/N, this is Liam and Louis.”

“Hello,” you try your best to come off as friendly even though you can feel Harry’s glare on the side of your face. You ended up falling to easy conversation with the boys. Niall has a very limited ASL vocabulary but tries.

The boys are also trying to talk slower and more pronounced so Harry can watch and understand. A couple of times he taps Niall on the wrist to repeat what was going on.

Your phone begins buzzing and you apologize for the interruption. It’s your little sister, Mazie, FaceTiming.

You answer the phone with a frown, signing “Aren’t you suppose to be in school?”

Mazie looks upset, eyes a little watery. She gestures back, “I left early. I’m sick.”

“Are you really sick or where you getting bullied again?” You asks her.

Your sister hesitates before sniffling, “You already know. I hate my school.”

Mazie has had other children bully her for her disability since she started preschool and it as still happening in fourth grade.

“What can I do to help?” You frown, never wanting to see your baby sister cry.

You chat for a few minutes to help her calm down. When the phone call ends, you don’t realize that all the boys were watching you in interest. Harry in particular, keeps his focus on you with a wrinkled forehead.

“My sister’s deaf,” You tell them. The whole time you’ve been sitting with them you’ve been signing and verbally speaking to help everyone be able to be included in the conversation.

“That’s sick!” Louis says, smacking Harry’s arm. “Just like our lad Harry.”

Harry grumbles when Louis shakes him a little. It seems like the boys loved to physically interact with Harry which was endearing.

Harry allows him to for a moment before he flicks his cheek hard and laughs when Louis flinches. The conversation goes back to normal.

***

Harry jogs up to you after your group shares farewells and a few punches. You pointedly ignore him as you trek to the class you two have together so it’s not like he can’t walk this way too.

“Please, wait,” Harry asks. He walks in front of you.

“What do you want?” You huff, keeping my glare firm and directed alley at him.

“I’m sorry. I made the wrong assumption.”

“You made a lot of wrong assumptions. The fact that you think of me so lowly is sad. I’ve been nothing but nice,” You try not to focus on his large palms that curve over the caps of your shoulders.

“I’m not very trusting of people.”

You snort rather unattractively, “No kidding”

“Can we please start over?” He asks, stepping back to give you space. He didn’t realize how close he’d been standing to you until your hair wisps across his nose.

“One more chance, Styles.”

Harry lays a hand on your upper arm and squeeze lightly before signing the simple gesture of ‘thank you.’

***

It turns out Harry is very handsy and physically affectionate. It wasn’t creepy though or something that ever made you feel uncomfortable.

You were still tutoring him but you hung around the frat with Harry nearly everyday. The days you just wanted to lay in bed resulted in a grumpy FaceTime from Harry.

Harry once stated during a tutoring session, “It is easier for me to show how I’m feeling with touch than words. If I ever make you uncomfortable - please tell me and I will stop.”

You smile slyly at his words that sounded more like a question, asking if he can touch you. “I guess I’ll let you feel me up every now in again.”

He giggles and looks down wolfishly - like an entertaining thought is dancing around in his mind.

You tuck your finger under his chin to gaze at you. “In all seriousness, I give you my consent to show your feelings with physical touch. I trust you and know you won’t do anything to make me uncomfortable.”

The curly-haired brunette smiles happily, his hand cupping the side of your neck and brushing over your pulse point.

He hadn’t touched you here before and it seems like it was his first goal to do so once he got permission. You can’t help but take in a deep gasp of air. You prayed he didn’t notice but by the small lift of his lips he did.

The simple touch made a flame of arousal swirl in your lower stomach. You felt like you were about to start sweating.

“Anyways,” You clear your throat and snatch back up the recorder. It now had better quality after Harry listened to you about placement.

***

The frat house was ridiculously full of drunk college students. Everybody on the dance floor was sweaty and sticky with a variety of different substances.

Niall had invited you - so you were searching about for him. Pushing through the crowd and nobody was able to hear you say ‘excuse me.’

You finally found fresh air in the backyard where beer pong and cornhole were set up. Niall was tossing his ball across the table, trying to splash in Liam’s red solo cups.

Harry was sitting on a cushioned patio chair, watching the game commence. Maybe he was a beer pong referee after all.

He looked so fucking good tonight. He had a yellow snapback taming his curls - backwards of course. A black Rage Against the Machine shirt and his signature black skinny jeans. **

You made eye contact and were about to wave when a girl plopped down in the seat across from him.

Awkwardly you turn away, greeting the other boys and taking a seat in a lawn chair to watch them start their third round of the game.

Your eyes keep darting over to Harry who is staring blankly at the girl. She starts stroking his biceps and tracing across the tattoos like they belong to her.

Harry is attempting to let her know he’s not interested. His signs uselessly as she’s staring at his lips and not hands.

You’re moving before you know it, without another thought, you squeeze in between the two - separating them. You dramatically slide into his lap, funnily enough one strong arm wrapping happily around your middle.

The pretty blonde pouts out her lips, “Is he your boyfriend?”

Before you’re able to reply, Harry signs the obvious signal for ‘yes’ to the girl. Then rudely makes the shooing gesture. She’s up with a huff and stomping back towards the house.

Harry turns you sideways on his lap so that you two can see each other’s hands, “You saved me.”

“You’re just such a stud, have to protect you,” You joke - but not really.

He raising his eyebrows and smiles, “You were jealous.” It was a statement not a question.

You blush wildly, avoiding eye contact which you know he hates. He hates anytime you cut off ways of communication.

Harry taps your lips until you look up at him, “it’s really fucking sexy when you are.” A perk of sign language. He could dirty talk just about anywhere and mostly no one would ever know.

His thumb drags on your full bottom lip, signing clumsily with one hand so you had to use context clues to piece it together “Don’t think I forgot when you called me handsome a few months ago.”

“I don’t remember, doesn’t sound like me,” You boldly lie, snickering and nipping at the top of his thumb

His eyes become a shade darker when your teeth meet his skin. He presses his thumb further in until it’s in-between your teeth. The moment is broken when Niall screams, “Styles! You’re up next!”

You and Harry become separated after you spent nearly two hours watching all these drunk boys play beer pong. Harry was ridiculously good at the game and only had to drink two cups from the table.

You had wandered back into the house where the party had died down. There were only a handful of stragglers left but mostly just the fraternity brothers and their close friends.

With a fresh alcoholic seltzer in your hand - you didn’t trust open bottles at parties like this - you gaze at Harry through the back window.

Harry was being jumped by Liam and Niall. He was snarling playfully as Liam toppled them all over into the grass. Niall tries to stand up but Harry’s hand wraps around his ankle and makes him fall right back on his bum with a girlish squeal.

Niall leans over to give Harry a wet-willy but Liam manages to throw a plastic cup directly at Niall’s forehead. Harry and the other boys dissolve in childish giggles. Faces red from laughter and liquor. You feel a smile painted fondly on your lips from watching them.

“Hey, Y/N right?” A voice interrupts from behind.

You spin to face a guy you barely recognize from a previous class you shared. You smile nonetheless, “Hi...”

“Jake, Jake from Social Constructs and Society last semester.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right,” You smile and allow him to talk your ear off because you struggle to say ‘no.’ He was fine, nothing special, typical business major who thought he was hot shit because his daddy owned a golf course he wanted to take you to.

It was a normal conversation until his voice gets lower as if he’s trying to be more seductive, “Want to head to a room with me?” He nods towards the staircase.

You chuckle in disbelief at his bold and forward question. “No thank you, I’m good.” You really had eyes for one person right now and he was currently cussing out Niall in sign language in the backyard before tackling him once again to the ground.

“C’mon, I can really show you a good time,” He persuades persistently, stepping into your space - causing your nervousness to spike.

“I said - no thank you,”You bite out, starting to feel scared when he blocks your way out of the kitchen and presses himself against you and the counter.

“You’re really something gorgeous, you know?” He asks, ignoring my struggles to get away from him.

“Stop touching me!” You scream, hoping Niall or one of the boys would hear your wail. He puts a hand up to your mouth to muffle you but that only results in you biting him.

“Fucking bitch!” He cries out, pulling his hand back and winding up to either punch or slap you right in the face. You prepare for the impact.

Then in a blink off an eye, it becomes a blur, a muscular figure is crashing into Jake with full force and knocking him straight into the linoleum floor with a loud crash.

It’s Harry. Broad shoulders and thick but lean tattooed biceps. He’s standing over the harasser and drops on top of him. It shouldn’t look as graceful and tactful as it does.

You’d never seen anything like this from Harry before. Once you really got to know him - he was a gentle giant who liked romantic comedies, soft blankets, and vanilla cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles.

Harry’s fist is repeatedly connecting with the dark-haired boy’s jaw with full force. The only noise is from Jake as Harry is dead silent but his eyes zeroed in on the target.

When blood begins gushing from the man’s nose - Niall and Liam decide it times to physically pull Harry up. Harry had a slight red mark on his jaw when Jake had managed one punch before being defeated quickly.

Harry signs to Niall, “Tell him.”

Niall places his foot on the dude’s chest to keep him down, “My mate wants to let you know if you touch her again we’re not going to pull him off and he’ll gladly beat you to a fucking pulp.”

Jake groans, clutching his nose to stop the bleeding, “Fuckin’ asshole.”

You were still blown away as you watch Harry’s heaving chest as he glares down at the boy. His fist clenched and knuckle bloody and swollen. Harry’s attention turns towards you. His furious expression melts into worry. You can read his face so clearly. He’s afraid he’s scared you off.

It was hard to believe you had this drop dead gorgeous frat boy defending you past midnight on a Friday night. A boy who didn’t need to hear but just to see you needed help to step in.

All your desires and lusts after the man in front of you burst like a rubber-band and the urge to have him felt uncontrollable. “Take me upstairs,” you demand quickly, arousal creeping up your spine.

He doesn’t understand you’re extremely turned on. Instead he looks like a kicked dog who’s about to get in trouble again.

Nevertheless, he takes your hand and maneuvers out of the kitchen and up the stairs until his bedroom door is closed.

Harry lips are turned down unhappily as he begins, “I’m sorry, love. I...” he pauses a moment before continuing. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe. I hope you don’t think less of me.”

You look him dead in the eye and sign, “Kiss me.”

He blinks slowly at you like he just hallucinate the gestures.

So you repeat your motions, slow and with intent, “Kiss me, touch me, do something.” No more time is wasted as he is stepping in front of you and cupping your face in his hands.

Without any hesitation now, he pressing a bruising kiss to your lips - taking your bottom one between his and sucking.

Your hands are immediately tugging at the hem of his vintage shirt, pulling apart to bring it over his head. Dark ink decorates his torso, for some reason something you weren’t expecting. A butterfly on his abdomen, two fern branches, tattoos on his side.

Harry chuckles, “This is new to me.”

Your eyes go wide and you sign, “You’re a virgin?”

Harry snorts and rolls his eyes before telling you, “God no. I mean I’ve never been able to really communicate during sex.”

Then before You can speak, he cuts in a bit frantically, “I’ve always gotten consent - not like that. I mean-“ You cut him off with a kiss - knowing he would never do anything you didn’t want.

You wanted everything from him.

“If you’d believe it, I like a bit of dirty talk when I fuck - but no one understands what I’m saying,” He tries to crack a joke but for some reason seems insecure and nervous.

“Hey,” You take his chin so he shyly meets your eye, “I can’t wait to hear it - you’ve already made me so wet.” His eyes light up like a kid on Christmas.

“You’re such a good girl,” he signs before tugging off your shirt and instantly finding your lips again. His hands are skillful as they unclasp your bra without any struggle and tosses it.

You tugs a bit as his hair to show your enjoyment as his tongue finds your nipple - lapping before taking it between his teeth. As good as it feels, you want him to feel even better.

You push him back until he’s sitting in the edge of the bed, legs spread and hands behind him on either side holding him up. Jaw clenched with arousal and restraint.

He’s pressed against the zipper of his jeans. And all you wanted to do was see him in all of his glory. You’re quick to undo the button and determined to get the finicky zipper down as well.

His fingers come beneath your chin until you’re looking at his sparkling eyes, a look of lust made his lids a little droopier and his mouth slack from heavy-breathing.

“Are you sure you want to? You don’t have to - I want to eat your pussy either way, pet,” He signs, leaning in for a slow, wet kiss.

You sign back with a pout, “Shut the fuck up.” He huffs out a laugh, letting go of your chin and wrapping a hand in your hair to keep it out of your face.

As soon as he’s helping you wriggle his briefs and jeans down his narrow hips, you’re met with the prettiest cock you’ve ever seen.

When you make eye contact with Harry, he raises a eyebrow and grins cockily, “Is it nice enough for your liking, love?”

You nod breathlessly - wasting no more time before ducking down to take him to your mouth, a slight burning in your throat from how big he is.

His hands keep ahold of your hair, thumbs pressed against your temples as you bob down his length with sloppy, warm licks.

Harry’s moaning as you pop off to kiss and suck at the underside of him, hands coming to cup and roll his balls. It is a few moments later when he taps your cheek to get your attention, one hand leaving his hair to sign that he’s close.

Your mouth speeds up, wanting to give him all the pleasure you could. Your hand coming to stroke at what couldn’t fit in your mouth, pumping quickly.

Before you know it, Harry’s rutting his hips upwards and coming with a long, deep moan from the rumbles of his chest. He’s pulling you up into his lap, pressing appreciative kisses to your cheeks and jawline.

Big hands palming at your breasts before slipping down into your leggings, brushing softly over your mound.

You whine and hitch forward to grind against his palm as soon as he cups you. He smiles widely at your desperation, pressing the heel of his palm harder against you to create more pressure.

You were already so wet and turned on that it wasn’t going to take much. The ball of your climax was burning low in your tummy. However, you wanted him to taste you like he said he would.

You sign, “I’m close. Please, I want your mouth on me.”

With that, he’s flipping you until you’re laid out on the bed. His hands tugging off your leggings and underwear with no further ado. “Holy shit,” He gestures, gazing all over your body and not stopping on one spot for too long.

“What?” You ask, fishing for the compliments you know he’s about to shower you in.

“You’ve got such a pretty pussy,” he signs, dimples popping in his cheeks and a curious finger traces your entrance before dipping in.

You lightly kick at his stomach, “Get on me.” He pouts, crooking his finger against your spot before pulling it out. Fucking tease.

Then his face is disappearing between your spread thighs and a strong lick is delivered from your clit all the way down to your bum.

Since he can’t hear you, you grabs handfuls off his hair. Tugging at the roots, scratching your nails into his scalp to let him know how good he is. So fucking good.

When you accidentally buck your hips hard against his mouth, you curse and run a apologetic hand through the locks. He doesn’t look up at you but lift a hand and signs, “Again.”

You absolutely whine, begging to ride him with determination - climax on the brink. He hums causing vibrations on the sensitive nerves. With that, your hips are meeting his tongue and you’re coming. His face dampening with your release - happy as a clam when he pops back up.

You can’t remember the sign for condom, so you sign, “Protection?” Harry understands right away, rustling through the drawer until he finds a stray packets, “It’s been awhile.”

“Same,” You gestures - watching as he slides it down his length and crawls overtop of you. He was pink and swollen - having to be a bit sensitive from just coming a little while ago.

“Ready, love?” He asks, pressing soft kisses to your jawline. You nod, reaching down to guide him in.

And you weren’t lying, it had been a while and he was big. The stretch wasn’t uncomfortable, just a lot. But his wet, open-mouth kisses made you stay grounded.

Harry’s moans were absolutely obscene as he slide all the way in before stopping to give you a moment. His arms strong, holding himself over you. The cold metal of his necklaces brushing against your tight nipples.

When you have him the okay, he begin giving you deep, hard strokes on each thrust. His noises so loud they had to be able to hear them downstairs. They were deep and low - rumbling in his chest with pleasure.

Then his hand is coming to your throat. For a wild moment you thought he was going to choke you but instead he rest it lightly, palm flat.

It takes you a moment - then it hits you.

Holy fuck. He is feeling the vibrations of your moans - erupting from your vocal cords. Feeling out the movement from your throat so he can feel how much you’re enjoying it.

You should be embarrassed but you can’t find it in you when you come again right on the spot. His fingertips nudging into the skin to feel the intensity as it wracks through you.

When you’re done riding out your orgasm, he reaches for the headboard behind you with his other hand, gripping it tightly as he begins to pound in with all his strength.

The bedframe is hitting the wall so loud that the whole house must be able to hear it. Hitting with every directed thrust until his mouth is dropping down into a long, timbred moan and he’s coming.

---

Later, when the two are you have settled for the night in the warmth of his bed. Harry seems a little nervous, once again. It takes him a moment to meet your eyes and brushes a strand of hair off your forehead.

“What is it?” You ask, tucked into his side. His body so solid and comforting.

“It’s corny,” Harry frowns, eyebrows furrowing as his eyes flash across your face.

“Tell me,” You insist, bringing his hand to your lips to kiss his fingertips.

“I feel like you were made for me. Like...we were meant to be together,” Harry signs, hesitant to share his thoughts. But it doesn’t scare you away. You can’t help but agree.

“I think so too,” You reply before pressing another kiss to his puffy pink lips.

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milliedazzledust · 4 years ago

Text

In Loving Memory (Bucky Barnes imagine)

Request: @missroro the reader is steve twin and she married to bucky after the blip, she had enough of the 'new captain america' thing shes really mad, so when walker and his friend start talking about joining forces she snap like she pull out a gun and pointing right at them, also sam ofc dont forget about sam. Sam trying to stop her while bucky "nah let her do her fun"

Words: 2021

Warning: !!TFATWS SPOILER!! without context - violence

A/N: wrote this today, it basically follows the events of ep3 of fatws but without context. I have a couple of exams this week so I won't be able to post until next saturday. Until then, enjoy

"You shouldn’t have gave him the shield"

Sam frowned, turning back to look at Bucky.

"I didn’t gave him the shield" He defended himself, making a point.

"Well, Steve definitely didn’t" Y/N ironically answered back.

He gave her a pointed stare. They had had this conversation countless times and Y/N never missed a chance to remind him of what she thought was a huge mistake.

"You are the reason this is happening, Sam. You chose to take on my brother’s legacy and threw it out the window"

The man didn’t reply and pursed his lips. He knew she didn’t mean any of her harsh words, she was angry and still mourning. If taking it out on him could make her feel better, he would let her.

"Y/N, stop" Bucky took a step toward his wife, clasping her hand in his metal one. He had hoped the physical contact would be enough to calm her down.

"He abandoned me, Sam" She continued, her voice filled with emotions. "He was gone and all I had left was memories. I chose this life for him, I fought with him, I believed in everything he represented. I looked up to him, to Captain America. And today, even those memories are gone, taken by the same government you and I were up against, mocked by clowns pretending to be heroes, all because you gave up"

The Falcon closed his eyes and dropped his head. She couldn’t see his point of view, or share his opinions when her judgment was clouded by so much pain. He wished she could understand the dilemma, the duality that represented the shield for him.

"Y/N, please, that’s enough" Bucky whispered next to her ear.

She turned her head toward him and as usual, his heart broke when he saw the torment in her eyes. She didn’t need to speak, she was an open book to him. They both had lost so much and yet were all each other had left. They were collateral damage, their own team against a world that wasn’t theirs anymore. She silently nodded, assuring him she was fine. Sam watched Bucky kissing her forehead and he furrowed his brow. He would never admit it but he was glad they had each other, because no one could carry that much pain alone without crumbling apart.

Before any of them could add anything, soldiers in blue and red erupted in the room, bursting through the door of the apartment where they were hiding in Latvia. Bucky instinctively grabbed Y/N and forced her body to move behind his. The two man stood in front of them, tall and proud, a smug smile on their lips.

"Alright, that’s it, your time is up" The man calling himself Captain America announced, the shield in one hand, the other pointing at the three avengers. "Tell me where Zemo is"

"We know you’re hiding him" His sidekick added.

"I’m ordering you to turn him over"

Sam eyed them up and down.

"Let’s be clear, the only thing you’re running here is your mouth" The Falcon firmly replied, crossing his arms.

"I gave you a chance to work with us" He mentioned.

" ‘For us’ is the correct way to put it, tough guy. And we said no." Y/N reminded him, her face showing how much she was annoyed.

"You’re obviously in over your head so I suggest you turn back and go" Sam argued.

"You really want this conversation to go there ?" The hero threatened.

Bucky straightened up when he felt Y/N tensing. He knew she was already on the verge of snapping. One wrong word from the man she hated and this could go down to hell.

"Should I put down the shield ?" He continued to challenge Sam. "Make it fair?"

The woman groaned and when John Walker dropped his weapon, without a second thought, she grabbed the nearest knife and threw it right at his face. The man had barely enough time to move back and his eyes rose in surprise when the blade stuck itself into the wall with force.

"Sorry, it slipped" She ironically explained, shrugging.

"You don’t want to play this game with me" He tried to intimidate her, tilting his head to the side.

She smiled, pleased he was giving her the opportunity to smack his face. Bucky clenched his fists when he saw her walking in front of Walker. Without tearing her eyes away from his, she seized her knife and pulled it out of the wall with a sharp movement.

"I think someone should teach you a lesson, Walker" She told him in a low tone.

"Are you offering ?" He challenged her.

"Don’t tempt me"

"You’re lucky you’re his sister" He grinned. "But don’t push it. This Captain America is not as lenient as the previous was"

Bucky swore under his breath. It was too late now. And just as Sam looked at him with concern, Y/N threw her fist in a curved punch at the soldier. He used his forearm to counter the blow, but she was faster and had far more experience. Using the momentum, her foot rose up and kicked him in the face. The man was thrown back, shaking his head in confusion.

"We should do something" Sam advised the former assassin.

"No. Let her have her fun" He crossed his arms, harboring a small smirk.

The soldier tried to hit her back, but even when he took the shield she blocked his attack. His sidekick soon joined the fight and distracted her for a second, just enough time for Walker to punch her. Immediately, she felt the taste of blood in her mouth, but no pain. She was passed that, far too pissed to feel anything.

Another blow on her chest send her to the ground and Hoskins hold her down while his friend was about to hit her with her brother’s shield. He raised it in the air, with every intention of beating her, but a strong metal hand stopped him in his movement. A very infuriated Bucky stood before him, his blue eyes darkening with anger. He firmly took the weapon, knocked Hoskins out with it and threw it across the room.

"If you wanted to make it fair, you shouldn’t have chosen to hit my wife" His tone was terrifying.

Walker didn’t seem as confident anymore. Bucky looked imposing, brute force ready to strike. His metal arm clenched in a fist and, without warning, it collided with the soldier’s jaw, sending him a few feet away. He strode to the man on the ground and grabbed him by the collar of his uniform

"This is all easy for you, isn’t it ?" Walker spoke with venom, staring at Bucky. "All that serum running through your veins"

With a swift movement, Y/N took the shield and launched it with power right on the soldier’s chest. The blow was so violent his body crashed into a door before landing on the floor. She was furious by his statement and he could see it with every step she made toward him. She grabbed the gun attached to her thigh and pointed it at his face.

"Lesson number one: learn when to shut up. Especially when you don't know what you're talking about" She was fuming but had not intention on killing the man, despite the sheer desire to do so.

She didn’t realize Sam was next to her until she saw his hand lowering her gun.

"This isn’t what Steve would want." He calmly expressed. "Remember, there’s always another way"

Her lips quivered and she closed her eyes, remembering how many times her brother had told her that. She let him take the weapon and looked up at him. The conviction and kindness in his stare were enough. He didn’t have to say anything. Every words she needed to hear, he spoke them in silence.

She turned back to Bucky and he cupped her face, inspecting the bruise on her skin. He seemed ready to go back and beat the man down. Y/N softly smiled and clasped her hands around his wrists. He stroke her cheek and pulled her toward him before carefully kissing her lips.

"Good ?" He asked in a soft voice he only used with her.

"Good"

It was something between them, a single word they spoke every time they fought. Wherever they were, whomever they were up against, if one of them asked, the other had to answer. It was their intimate way to always know they were alright.

Later that day, Sam and Bucky had decided to go talk to the leader of the Flag Smasher, Karli Morgenthau, while Y/N had been charged to follow Walker and Hoskins. As soon as she had seen they were going after the young super soldier, she had warned her friends about the danger. She knew enough about the new Captain to guess he had no intention on arresting Karli. He wanted to make justice himself. She pitied his sidekick. He seemed like a decent man with good ideas struggling to find virtue on the wrong side of the battle. He was Walker’s collateral damage.

She wondered what Steve would think of all that if he could see them fighting both super soldiers and Captain America. He never cared for the star and stripes, never used his shield to harm. His heart was with the people he defended. Even when it had been against Tony, he pursued what he believed was best. Was that what Walker was trying to do ? She couldn’t know. But she was sure of one thing, the man had nothing in common with Steve. Pride, ego and selfishness were never traits anyone would have used to describe her brother. She couldn’t bear for him to be replaced, especially to a man that didn’t share his morals or any of his opinions. The shield he was carrying wasn’t just a weapon, it was her brother’s symbol of hope, a symbol he had fought so hard to forge. The man made the uniform, not the other way around. That’s what Walker didn’t get. Up until that point, people had not been following Captain America, they had been following Steve Rogers.

Standing in that public square, she didn’t realize she was crying until she felt Bucky entwined his fingers with hers. She couldn’t avert her eyes from the horrific scenery. Powerlessly, she watched a man she didn’t know being executed. His opponent was merciless, striking with determination and rage, using the only piece of memory she had left of her brother to bring terror and death. Frozen on the spot in the middle of the crowd, she could see the fear in all those strangers eyes and it felt like grief coming in waves, a shard in her guts that would never leave. It felt like this particular moment was choking the breath out of her body, short circuiting her mind. What was whole once completely shattered and she couldn’t find the strength to be angry anymore. All her brother had built had fallen apart in the split of a second and all the world had left was a bloodied image of his symbol of hope. A symbol that was no more.

“Sam...” She called him, almost like a scared child.

“I know...”

Both men looked worried. Y/N felt Bucky’s hand trembling and she squeezed him harder. She could easily guess how he felt. Steve had saved both of them, he had gave them a purpose, had allowed the former assassin to be more than the weapon Hydra had made of him. Pieces by pieces, he had brought their family back together. And as they both stood there, witnessing the horrifying end of his legacy, Bucky realized everything his bestfriend had fought for was turning into dust.

"I’m sorry" Y/N whispered to Sam. "But there’s no other way now"

Her husband dropped his head, trying to regain a sense of control over his emotions. Wordlessly agreeing with her, he turned to their friend.

“He has to be stopped”

Tags: @taina-eny

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