#It'd be nice to feel like I could actually not have to control myself for once just to be acceptable

[flare-dragon]

How to make friend with someone and feel like my actual self for 5 minutes

[chosokamosbf]

(N)SFW JASON TODD / RED HOOD HCs.

☆ 18+ only/no minors.

WARNINGs: 18+, gn (gender non-implied)! reader, daddy/mommy kink, mentions of abuse (jason nor reader are doing it), minor mention of blood, sub/dom, pain play, fear play, "prey/predator," brat taming, reader is referred to as "prince(ss)" and "sweetheart" once.

WORD COUNT: 900-ish+

Based on canon, I firmly believe he's on the ace spectrum, specifically demisexual. And even then, he rarely experiences sexual attraction at all for his partners. This isn't because he doesn't love them (enough) or any other assumptions similar to that; it just doesn't happen much.

Furthermore, as much as he'll indulge you here and there if you do, (sexual) intimate moments with Jason would be far and few between, making them all the more important to him.

He's a switch, leaning on dom and top. Mostly because he likes the control and is more comfortable that way. Getting him to be submissive instead is a gradual endeavor. He doesn't hate it; it just takes a lot of patience and trust.

First and foremost on actual kinks, I think Jason has a thing for "daddy," both on the receiving and giving ends. He likes the title, and he's definitely the type to whisper something like, "C'mere, sweetheart. Give daddy a kiss." in even private, innocuous moments just to mess with you.

(Note: I don't think he'd have as much of a mommy kink because—y'know.)

Rough sex is a top favorite of his. This goes hand in hand with play wrestling as a form of foreplay, breathing heavily down on his partner just to continue that energy into bed with sweat-slick bodies. It's less about "winning," and more about being allowed to confide in someone in a way and the fun that can come with it. He wouldn't be against being the sub in this situation either, even if his partner is weaker than him, because he knows how important control can be in bed, so he'll let them win. Sometimes. He trusts you, and he wants you both to feel good.

Degradation/praise wise, he'll give either out depending on the moment. He's going to tease and utter dirty shit like, "C'mooon, prince(ss). You're sounding like a real whore for someone who didn't want it a couple minutes ago—" if you tried to struggle against. It depends more on the moment than position because he could be pounding into you and huffing out praise right next to your ear with what little air he's catching, to riding you, telling you to keep up while his head is already thrown back.

He enjoys pegging a lot, but as always, it's going to take some convincing to get him to comply.

Brat taming is another go-to of his, along with sub/dom. On the other end, it seems to be a near equal opposite—he's not into it, and it can get uncomfortable real fast. There's a few times he'll indulge himself, and they're all after more intense days to sort of solidify the trust he has in you. You're not going to hurt him; he's still in control in a way.

He doesn't seem like he'd like being on the receiving end of any sort of pain play. He already deals with chronic pain on a day-to-day basis. To have it overwhelm one of the few aspects of intimacy that he loves and simultaneously take his head off things for once just doesn't seem like it'd be enjoyable for him. No, on the giving end—

(Note: I'm not into pain play myself, nor do I even know what even makes it enjoyable for people, so I'll be segmenting this with fear play and "prey/predator.")

It wouldn't be something he'd ever bring up, far from it, but if it's what you like, he'll gladly take a knife in a steady hand to softly trace it down from your stomach to your underwear. In a smile almost cruel, he'd drag it across just enough so a few drops could be licked back up if you asked nicely enough again.

Jason knows you're just asking for it if you're weaker than him and bring up the idea of a different kind of foreplay. He'd pick a place, somewhere with a lot of spots you could try to hide away and run to (an abandoned office of sorts is the best go; he's not going to risk infections).  Just for him to stalk, pin you down with ease. If the spot he found his little prey in isn't satisfactory (or clean) enough, he'd have no qualms settling you over his shoulder like a sack and manhandling you where he wants it.

He definitely isn't going to go too far, though. As well-trained as he is, he's going to be especially attentive after any scenes involving that. Sadism isn't a big one for him. He'll enjoy it in the moment but then feel real guilty afterwards, so, just as a reminder, aftercare goes both ways.

I don't know why some people think he's into "dark" (ex. pedo stuff such as ageplay and actual rape.) kinks when he's canonically and literally has hunted down murdered several (sexual) abusers before. If you try to break boundaries, he's going to be reconsidering the relationship, and quite possibly if he even knew you as a person.

On a lighter note, consent is a big thing for him, and he's also big on aftercare. A go-to would be a bath for the both of you (stuffing the sheets in the washer right before and bandaging any "scratches" if need be.), then cuddling. Depending on whether he has the energy, he'll pop something in the microwave real quick. (Takeout is usually a last resort because the last thing he wants while enjoying the afterglow with a partner is social interaction with a stranger.)

If you wear make-up and it gets ruined by the end, like in the latter part of the previous section, if he can, he's going to help you wipe off the mess and maybe help you reapply it as a form of care.

[fatuismooches]

Kind of dark stuff ahead? Basic Dottore warnings to be honest (blood, experimentation, he pretty much dissects someone, straps them down while they cry and beg for mercy, in front of the other Fatuis since they made you cry as a lesson, so yeah)

Been thinking about Dottore displaying to everyone in the lab what would happen to them if they crossed you, or Tsaritsa forbid, made you cry. By this point, everyone who works with Dottore or in his labs would know of you. And it'd take longer if you were sickly, but as soon as your presence is discovered, and the regular workers are aware of your standing as their Lord Harbinger's lover, immediate respect is afforded to you without any question. Do they have millions of questions? Yes, absolutely, but they prefer to keep their lives. Surprisingly though, you're... quite nice to them? It's honestly a breath of fresh air considering how the segments treat them, so the respectful way the agents treat you is a mixture of how they actually like you and how they don't want to end up as the Doctor's next test subject. There are always newcomers who are wholly unaware of you and who you are, so the older agents try to inform them as soon as possible. However, one learned the truth far too late, sealing his fate. Berating you for one minor slip-up that was just an accident, that was out of your control. And the other Fatuis are there absolutely panicking, trying to explain that you were not just an experiment, that you were- it was too late, because tears were already rolling down your eyes as you quickly exited the room. And the agents think, they are so fucked because they have no idea what the Doctor will do to them now that you've cried in their presence. They can only hope that he will have mercy on them, and punish the idiot who made you cry directly.

The next day, a multitude of Fatui agents, soldiers, scientists, and really whoever happened to be in the lab that day, were called into a room. It was very random, considering they never had meetings since the segments didn't like to be bothered with such frivolities, but upon entering the room, the same sinking feeling pooled in their stomachs. There was a lone operation table in the middle of the spacious room, along with a small table that had yet to hold anything. Strapped to the operation table was one of their fellow agents, bound and gagged, his screams were the only thing filling the room as the other Fatuis could only watch on speechlessly. Next to the (former) agent, was their Lord Harbinger. And no, this wasn't one of his segments, it was Prime, the real Il Dottore himself. Prime himself came to make a statement. Many of the agents hadn't even seen him until now, only encountering his numerous segments. And to the side of him was Omega too. The combination was enough to make some Fatuis want to faint and throw up, but they knew they couldn't for they weren't sure if they'd wake up again.

"I do believe that this is enough people. Word gets around quite fast around here, anyway," Prime hummed to no one in particular as if there wasn't a man crying next to them. Nonchalantly, he circled around the operation table, paying no mind to the muffled "please" and "i'm sorry" echoing like a broken record from the agent's mouth.

"It has come to my attention that some of you have trouble understanding orders," Prime Dottore began, his voice striking the highest amount of fear into the Fatuis. "I make myself clear, do I not? So why do you all still lack common sense? Why..." his gaze suddenly snapped to the tied-down man, "have I discovered that some of you still fail to respect [Name] the same way you do with me? Do you believe that you, a lowly person such as yourself, have the authority to speak to them in such a way?"

"I despise having my time wasted, especially by fools. Therefore, I expect this will serve as a reminder if you ever dare to think about crossing [Name], and consequently me." Prime then adjusts his gloves and motions to Omega, who then begins to set the table with... medical instruments he's retrieved from a bag. Only that they will certainly not be used ethically. The man only becomes more frantic at the sight of the dangerously sharp and pointy objects, but there's nothing you can do, once you're in the Doctor's clutches.

And so the group of onlookers got a front-row seat of one of the Doctor's experiments. As horrifying as it was, no one dared to look away.

Let's just say no one ever dared to make you sad ever again.

[maybecoffeemixed]

MAIN PLOT LINE OF DLC HAS BEEN FINISHED, SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT (long post, be warned)

7.8/10, kieran doesn't actually kill us.

Seriously though, I enjoyed it!! Since I don't actually own the game (we poor), I watched a no-commentary playthrough so there are plenty of things I very likely missed, including optional dialog, side-quests, and whatever that thing with the professors is (still lookin' for a video without some guy over it), so I can only comment on the bits I saw! That being said, here we go.

First of all, the BATTLES!! Despite not being able to play them myself, they looked SUPER fun!! I screamed when I saw Lacey's tailwind/lightscreen prankster whimsicott, and even MORE so when I saw it was sashed! I loved the usage of competitive items, and the fact that all their teams weren't completely mono-type, each having one exception to their type (Lacey's excadrill, Crispin's Exeggcutor, Amarys's Reuniclus, and Drayton's Sceptile) that they DIDN'T terrastalize was lovely touch!! Amarys's fight was super hype in particular, despite having an over 20 level advantage, the person I watched still nearly wiped to her! Her trick room AI does appear a bit goofy, but it's a small flaw. Finally, Kieran's battle... I personally adore a good rain team, but unfortunately Kieran's politoed was frozen at the start of the battle, and remained that way all the way til the end, so I can't honestly say how difficult it looked. The one thing I will say is that before the indigo disk was out, I created a hypothetical team for Kieran, and I CALLED that Grimmsnarl!! Literally even the focus sash. If anyone's curious, here was the hypothetical team I made. I'm a nuzlocker, not a competitive player, so it very well may be shit. Apologies in advance.

Next is the characters!! Every design slapped as always, and I enjoyed their personalities! Lacey was adorbs, Crispin was fun, and Amarys might just be one of my new favorites! As for Drayton? Let me tell you, I was side-eyeing him the whole time the MOMENT after he said THIS to Kieran.

After all the hype around dokutaro/peechikeen (now know as pecharunt, apparently), and all the speculation that Kieran would fall victim to its influence, him saying "that's just peachy" made my rat brain go into overdrive. In the end, I think it was just Legends Arceus giving me Volo flashbacks.

Now, the main event... KIERAN! Let me tell you, he gave me GOOSEBUMPS. Every time he appeared, I could feel a chill run up my spine, and his battle had my heart RACING. ESPECIALLY his breakdown at the end of it! One of the best times I've had in a good while. The animation, his reaction, all of it was GREAT!! It was so refreshing to see him not immediately heel-face turn.

Unfortunately, though, what happened after that all disappointed me. I admit I got too attached to the Dokutaro Posession theory, buy it was still disappointing for Dokutaro (I know that's not its name, leave me be) to not play any role in the main story. It felt like a natural conclusion to what the game was setting up, I thought he'd throw the master ball at terapagos, it'd fail, and he'd become so overwhelmed with everything that has happened that he'd succumb to Dokutaro's control and we'd have to fight the Dokutaro-Kieran with Terapagos's aid. That's not what happened, and I felt a bit sad. His recovery from his breakdown was still set up nicely and had some atleast sufficient justification, but it still felt like too-little too-soon. It felt more like he just gave up all together rather than defeated his demons. He'd never be as strong as the player, and that's that, which is a sour note to leave off on.

We see that he legitimately has nothing. All the other students left the MOMENT he was defeated. No one came to help the kid who was clearly having a panic attack. The BB league cares about him, sure, but I wouldn't consider them his friends. They all thought Kieran getting defeated would "fix" him, and even when he clearly wasn't any better after being defeated, they didn't do anything to assist him. Sure, sometimes when someone has climbed so high, you gotta let them fall, but once they do, you can't just leave them lying on the ground. You need to be there to lift them back up before they start digging.

This isn't an attack on the BB league at ALL. Like I said, I really enjoyed their characters! In fact, this reaction is part of the reason I like them so much. It adds depth.

I just wish that Kieran DID start digging, and that it led to something bigger. Even if Dokutaro wasn't involved, I atleast wanted the final battle with him to be that big thing, and not just a turtle that can't do anything but throw out weak earthpowers.

Though the biggest failing to me is that Kieran apologizes to us, but we don't apologize to him. We as in the player, and Carmine

Kieran's actions are his own and I'm not saying he shouldn't have apologized, but he wasn't solely culpable for how things turned out. We and Carmine purposefully lied, kept a secret that was dear to him, and were the straw that broke the camel's back. Even if we the player didn't apologize, Carmine should've!! Her treatment of Kieran heavily impacted him, and he mirrored her abuse (Kieran telling Carmine to "Shut it", just like she did to him, for example).

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, was in the wrong here. Kieran took things too far, Carmine behavior is a serious problem, and the played character was complicit.

I'm not demonizing anyone here, I am the number one Carmine defender after all, but everyone needs to take responsibility. Not. Just. Kieran.

I relate heavily to both Kitakami siblings, as both an elder sister with younger siblings who she's accidentally mistreated, and as a little sister with an older sibling who treats me like I'm lesser.

I've lashed out at my older sibling, and while my reaction wasn't proportional, it doesn't mean my emotions weren't justified.

I have severe genetic anger issues (that I'm now thankfully medicated for), and have unjustly taken them out on my younger siblings.

Carmine needs to apologize too, or the cycle will just continue. Maybe she already did and I missed it, or maybe it happens in the post-game. However, if she didn't? It makes me feel unresolved.

Anyways, that all I gotta say on it!! Hope someone enjoyed this overly long rambling!!

(P.S. I still don't trust dragon boy. "Thats just peachy" my ASS, you know something ya toothpaste haired cunt. Why did they request to bring ya along to area zero anyways, ya plot relevant FUCK.)

[bomberqueen17]

*vibrating slightly in place*

So ok. When I was in kindergarten, my classroom was arranged so that four desks were linked together, so we were in little groups. I used to regularly vibrate my desk and the three it was attached to, with three other children in them, across several feet of floor space, until the linked desks ran into the teacher's desk, which was larger and did not move with the force of my vibrations. I was a good student, but hard to control, and markedly uneven in my ability to like. Do anything. "Well," my mom said once, upon beholding my entire spectrum of a report card, "we'd just hate to be bored."

When I graduated with my bachelor's degree, seventeen years later, my mom said "I never thought you could do it," and when I, shocked, said "what?" she said "well what with your ADHD and all," and I said "my what?" and she said "well, i never wanted to shake your confidence, and I thought once they put a label on you it'd be over, but you super have like, turbo ADHD. Why, what do you think your deal is?" She said it nicely and not in those words at all, but it was the first time I'd ever really realized that I wasn't just mildly eccentric, I did seem to actually have something wrong with me.

I've been trying to get a diagnosis ever since. I've never been able to. I had no health insurance at all for a huge chunk of my twenties, which put a damper on things. One doctor told me "you'd know if you had that" and when I was like "I... do" she was like "no i mean. you'd already be being treated." Which shows a wild and totally unwarranted optimism in our medical system, but she was a resident. The doctor overseeing her care of me suggested I try taking fish oil capsules. To "rebuild my brain tissue".

I did. It didn't help. I still buy them but mostly I use them now to get my cat to take pills.

Eventually in my 30s my doctors started sort of believing me maybe, or at least realizing they couldn't really brush me off (I have gotten... less easily-cowed as I've aged) but they were all like "oh, I can't evaluate that. You'll have to research and find a place that can do a neuropsych eval for you. Insurance doesn't cover those. So good luck. Have some antidepressants in the meantime."

I slid into my 40s, still undiagnosed. I read as many self-help books on the topic as I could find, did all the checklists I found. They all said "girl you super have like turbo ADHD." I tried meditation. I tried divination. I tried bullet journaling, which was hilarious. I tried yoga.

I actually damaged myself doing yoga and am banned from yoga, but at least I'm in physical therapy now. (Word to the wise: if you have really really flexible hip joints, don't fucking do yoga. "Usually I don't have to tell people not to get into that position," said my bemused physical therapist. "Oh," I said, blissfully bepretzeled. "It feels super good." "Mm," she said, "you've torn your labrum. Stop doing that." Now I do really, really boring stretches that don't feel nearly as good, but I also can walk without limping, so. Like. We take the good with the bad I guess.)

Anyway. My PCP in January was like "wait you didn't follow my super vague directions to go see 'the guys downstairs' and see if they can squeeze you into their eleven-month waiting period to get an evaluation that i cannot mention without saying it's several thousand dollars and your insurance surely won't cover it? you must not want this diagnosis very badly!" (At no point has anyone ever given me a phone number for 'the guys downstairs'. I still don't know what she meant by any of those directions. This PCP and I technically speak the same language but I've never understood a single thing she has told me and I don't think she understands a word I say in return, everything I tell her seems to be such a shock to her. You blame antidepressants for your weight gain? I've never heard of that. Ma'am please look up what the incredibly common side effects of antidepressants are.)

I called around but noplace both took my insurance and was accepting new patients. Finally I gave up. Then my Dude went on our insurance company's website and took over the search. He found that there's some kind of concierge service thing, which the insurance company normally charges $450/mo for but our plan includes it, because it's pretty well-hidden on the website and most people aren't ever going to find it anyway. So he said, you know what, I am going to instigate a query on this.

They took two weeks but eventually came back with a list of 13 places, most of them not remotely local. Ten of them were red X's, disqualified for varying reasons-- one because the phone number didn't work, another because it's a seven-hour drive away and doesn't do telehealth. One was in New Jersey. None of them were the local places I had already called.

Two of them were valid, but the insurance wouldn't cover the evaluation for various reasons.

One of them was fully covered, the insurance company said. So I went there.

Their website said "no you're not we can't see you". But Dude was like, call them on the phone. Surely, surely, the concierge service couldn't have lied??? Bet, I said, and called them and left a message, and said to him, if they call me back I will eat a hat.

But they did. They called me back. "Our insurance checker widget is down," they said. "But we do take your insurance! We can see you. We just don't know how much it will cost."

Ominous.

But. They could see me later in the week, via a telehealth appointment.

So I signed up.

The appointment was this morning. I turned up. Their insurance checker thingy still wasn't working so they couldn't be sure how much the appointment would cost me. I at this point don't care, and gave them my HSA credit card, and said do what you will.

I waited 45 minutes and then texted the number they'd texted me from with the confirmation, and a moment later the guy showed up. "Whoops," he said, "that system isn't working quite right either!"

He talked to me for like. Three minutes, and was like "yeah that sounds. Pretty textbook. I'm going to prescribe you stimulants." He then proceeded to take a very basic medical history, and I recognized all the questions because I have researched stimulant medication for ADHD so much. And he was like "We're going to start with Adderall, check at your pharmacy in like an hour." And then he gave me extremely useful and detailed instructions on how to take it, when to take it, what side effects to worry about, what to expect, what to note down in case it might mean a problem, and how to be safe about it. (He asked me three times if I'd ever been suicidal, and it had also been in the online pre-screening. I am aware that can be a rare but very serious side effect of stimulants!)

And then I went to Rite-Aid and I now have 16 pills in my possession, and i am going to wait until tomorrow morning to start taking them, and I am already scheduled for my follow-up in 15 days.

I have absolutely no idea how much any of that is going to cost, but for the record the pills were eleven dollars.

So. I don't know why the last decade of my life has been spent being told that a comprehensive and unattainably expensive neuropsychological evaluation was my only option. Maybe this place is a disreputable pill mill or whatever. But. I am going to get to try to medicate this disorder that has warped my entire life to this point, and I am going to try to see if I can't have some more control over my life, and if it doesn't work then at least I will know, instead of on my deathbed being like "i wonder if i'd ever tried amphetamines maybe I'd have been able to finish a project ever in my life, guess we'll never know".

Which was what I was starting to genuinely think was going to happen.

Literally though why can't a primary care doctor just refer you to a psychiatrist who can then decide whether you need an assessment or whether your condition is likely to respond well to a basic diagnosis?? I get needing the whole nine yards if you're not sure what's wrong with this kid and you don't want to give them the wrong thing-- like I know misdiagnosing a bipolar sufferer with depression can give you really bad outcomes, for example-- but-- I don't know? I don't know.

I just want to be able to start and finish projects. What I'd really love is to be able to make to-do lists meaningfully, as that is an ability I did used to have and now absolutely don't. I legit cannot make a to-do list in any meaningful or useful way.

So we'll see. I'm going to keep a journal and the real test of whether the pills work is to see whether I can actually keep the journal.

But I need to find some kind of edible hat, at some point, just to keep my word.

[imagitory]

Review: Wish (2023) [SPOILERS]

Evening, everyone! Tonight my mother and I went to go see Disney's most recent film, Wish, which fortunately came to theaters in my area right before its formal American release date. I'd been very curious to see how this tribute to Disney's last 100 years of filmmaking would turn out, and now that I've seen it...well, I have to be honest, I was a little disappointed. I want to be very clear both that I was going into this with a rather sunny outlook and that there are things I really liked in this film...but overall, it felt like a lot of the good ideas it had were only half-baked, and I found myself -- forgive me -- "wishing for something more" than what we got.

For a more comprehensive deep-dive...a cut!

The Good!

+The single best element in this film for me was Chris Pine's performance as our villain, Magnifico. There are definitely some things I can critique about Magnifico's overall storyline and "character arc" further down, but Chris was clearly having a grand old time being an egotistical, sassy jerkwad, and it totally showed. Even in his villain song This is The Thanks I Get?, which just screamed "passive-aggressive abusive parent," you can hear how much fun Chris was having in the studio, recording it. I just about always enjoyed when Magnifico was on screen, and I actually did really like the idea that a lot of his villainy is rooted in him being obsessed with control over everyone and everything. In a weird way, Magnifico's turn to the Dark Side parallels Anakin Skywalker's in the sense that he lost so much in the past that he's determined to never lose anything important to him again -- especially the power he's accrued to make himself feel strong, after having felt so powerless. I find that very interesting, and I kind of wish that aspect was really highlighted more in the story, but we'll talk about that later.

+Asha was a likable enough heroine, even if I found her to be a lot like a two-way fusion of Mulan and Anna placed in a vaguely Snow-White-ish role in her clearly Seven-Dwarf-inspired friend group. Ariana DeBose portrayed her rather well, both acting and singing-wise. I also liked the "social justice" bent to Asha's character where she wants better things not just for herself and her family, but also Rosas overall -- in the French translation of her main song "This Wish," they even push this further by having Asha wish "to see the world happy again someday." We haven't seen a heroine really express this kind of desire for a positive change in the world since Esmeralda in The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and that's cool! Plus representation in mainstream media for previously underrepresented groups is always nice. ^.^

+As much as I don't think they all got enough focus as individuals, I liked Asha's friend group! Especially the fact that it is a friend group made up of people that are around the same age as our protagonist, which -- let's be honest -- isn't that common for Disney heroines. Often with "sidekick groups," you're more likely to have situations like Cinderella with the mice (who are more like cutesy sidekicks than equals) or Snow White with the Dwarfs (who are all quite a bit older than our heroine)...so a friend group made up of peers with their own personalities and motivations was kind of fun.

+The setting of Rosas itself could be pretty. I liked a lot of the Mediterranean-inspired architecture, especially inside Magnifico's tower.

+The combination of 3D and 2D-esque animation was also interesting! It really served to give the film its own distinctive visual style that sets it apart from other Disney projects, which I always appreciate.

+Star was...cute. Obviously just designed to sell plushies and definitely reminded me way too much of Kirby, but cute enough. I do think it's kind of cool that they're never gendered at all in the entire movie, because it'd be silly to think of a sweet little androgynous ball of stardust as being specifically male or female.

+I liked the idea of Simon "betraying" Asha, only to be turned into a pawn by Magnifico in the process, but not being treated unsympathetically by the story for it. Didn't love the full execution of the idea, but hey, that's what the negative section is for.

+The idea of everyone finding the power inside of themselves to stand up against Magnifico (because they're "all stars," and presumably all have the magic needed to make their wishes come true) was a little predictable, but still sweet. I have problems with how the film wrote it (which we'll get to), but the idea itself was wholesome and fitting.

+I like several of the songs, just on their own -- I added This Wish and Knowing What I Know Now on my ITunes as soon as I first heard them prior to the film's release, and now I've added At All Costs too: it's a really pretty duet! (Gorgeous work, Chris and Ariana!) I'll leave my praise here, though, because sadly the soundtrack is going to get a lot of discussion in the less positive section.

The Not-So-Good...

+This film being "Disney's 100th anniversary film" really got in the way of this movie telling a compelling and unique story sometimes. The whole movie really twisted itself into a pretzel trying to check off all the usual Disney tropes, and there were points that certain choices made the story seem incredibly stilted. For instance, one common Disney trope is a dead parent, so of course Asha has lost her father -- but we learn so little about him and he ends up playing such a small role in Asha's arc and story that it seems like an unnecessary detail. Asha's grandfather honestly plays more of a role in Asha's motivation throughout most of the film, so it would've made just as much sense to have Asha's grandfather be the one who believed in stars having power, rather than her father. Another example is the concept of the cute animal sidekick who's just there to make jokes -- as much as Valentino the goat didn't annoy me personally, he added just about nothing of value to the story whatsoever aside from comic relief, in contrast to other funny sidekicks like Sebastian from The Little Mermaid or Olaf from Frozen, who also serve a plot purpose and have a developed relationship with the protagonists. Then there's Asha being cut from the same "naive, awkward, wide-eyed idealist" cloth as many of our Disney Revival heroines like Anna, Rapunzel, and up to a certain point even Mirabel are; Star being in a similar vein to cutesy, innocent sidekicks like Pua, Crikee, and Baymax while Valentino is more akin to sassier, comic ones like Mushu and Sisu; her friends literally being based on the Seven Dwarfs from Snow White; our heroine getting a pretty standard "I Want" song and the villain getting his own solo number that doesn't really take any risks...oh yes, and we mustn't forget the trope of the Storybook opening, which (I'm sorry) I know was supposed to be a reference to Snow White, Cinderella, and Enchanted, but just gave me Shrek vibes the entire time. I was waiting for Shrek to rip out the page and use it for toilet paper any minute. It just felt a lot of the time like the movie was very paint-by-numbers, rather than throwing in much that was surprising or different.

+This isn't even touching all of the pointless meta references to other Disney movies. Asha wearing the Fairy Godmother's cloak and getting a wand like hers at the end -- the mushrooms crowing "we love crazy!" the way Hans did in Love is an Open Door -- Asha riding the reindeer the way Kristoff did in Frozen 2 -- Magnifico using green smoke hands a la Ursula -- the ending with those obvious Wendy and Peter Pan look-alikes, come on, really??? That was just painful.

+As much as Magnifico was an awesome idea for a character and Chris Pine's performance was beyond entertaining, the movie did not always write him as well as they could've. From the very start, we see this guy is an egotistical control freak -- obsessed with his own image, incredibly hard-to-please, arrogant, vain, desperate for attention and unwavering praise and adoration from all of his subjects, and determined to keep an iron grip on everyone else's wishes because of the power it gives him. He's ALREADY a terrible person, from the start -- and yet the film tries to introduce this dark magic book that gets no explanation or backstory whatsoever and has no real characterization or presence, so it leaves no real impact on the audience corrupting him and making him a bad person, when it didn't need to! Magnifico was already the villain this film needed! Just let him fall head-first into madness without the book prompting anything! Even if Magnifico "lost everything" in the past, that doesn't make him a good person, if he takes everyone's wishes away from them and hoards them all to himself, only to grant a few now and again when it would make him look good.

+This above point actually leads nicely into one change I really, really wish the film had been ballsy enough to make -- have Asha already be Magnifico's apprentice, not trying to become it at the start of the story. Give our villain and hero a real relationship, with history that started before the events of this film! Asha lost her father at the age of 12...how interesting would it have been -- whether to make Magnifico more of an anti-villain or show how manipulative he really is -- if he'd tried to fill that fatherly role for our main character and twist her to serve his ends? What if At All Costs was rewritten to be about Magnifico not just being determined to hold onto all of the kingdom's wishes, but also this apprentice he sees as an extension of him and his legacy, while Asha is determined to protect this Star she's accidentally summoned and the suppressed wish of hers it represents? This change would've made Asha's break with Magnifico so much more powerful for both of them -- it would've both justified Magnifico's descent into madness and given Asha more reason to feel like it was her responsibility to stop Magnifico. You even could've then played more with Asha's relationship with Queen Amaya too, in this kind of a scenario.

+Oh yeah, and on that note, Queen Amaya. OOH, this really annoyed me -- okay. So this woman is supposed to be a good guy, in this story. But as I touched on earlier, Magnifico was already a pretty awful person, hoarding people's wishes away in order to make himself powerful. Was Amaya truly so blind to that? Did she truly never question anything, ever? But no, really, she only turns on Magnifico after he starts using the dark magic book and actively threatens her. Only that makes her turn from him, and it's pretty damn immediate. Now okay, I hear you saying, it's like Amaya sings in Knowing What I Know Now, right? "The good in him, I've watched it melt // I was blinded by the love I felt"? Excuse me, lady -- but Magnifico wasn't a good person, before. He was just playing a part so as to stay powerful and adored by the masses. And if the story wants to claim otherwise, and act like that dark magic book was responsible for Magnifico going bad, then why would our Queen decide to keep him locked up in his staff's crystal forever? If the book was responsible, then Magnifico would be the Frodo or Golum to the book's One Ring -- he'd be a victim, in such a scenario: one in need of help and pity, not punishment. So either Amaya is a selfish person who only cared about her husband's mistreatment of others when it affected her, or she's a needlessly cruel person who decides to punish her husband for a vice that anyone could fall prey to. Either way, I don't want this woman ruling anyone! Make this woman a straight-up villain, same as her husband, and have the whole monarchy come crashing down after she and Magnifico both go down in flames! VIVE LA RESISTANCE! (Playing into my idea with Asha being Magnifico's apprentice all along, maybe there could even be a twist on the Evil Stepmother trope with Amaya, where she's jealous of how much Magnifico has tried to groom Asha as his apprentice, rather than spending time and/or starting a family with her or something.)

+As I touched on earlier, there wasn't even close to enough time to develop all of these characters properly. Since our heroine and friends are most similar to Snow White and her friends the Seven Dwarfs, let's compare cast size. Snow White is 83 minutes long and has a cast of ten (Snow, the Prince, the Queen, and the Dwarfs) -- Wish is 95 minutes long and has a cast of fourteen (Asha, Magnifico, Star, Valentino, Amaya, Asha's mum and grandpa, and our seven Friends). This results in us getting the vague idea that "Grumpy" role Gabo is sweet on our "Bashful" role Bazeema, but no time to develop their relationship or give it any kind of conclusion; the others saying "Sneezy" role Safi apparently loves the castle chickens with no sympathetic explanation why, to the point that he gets super excited about a chicken growing to a giant size for no real reason; "Doc" role Dahlia having a crush on Magnifico that is then dropped immediately after Asha turns against him; oldest kid and "Sleepy" role Simon feeling incomplete without the dream he gave Magnifico and "betraying" Asha as a result in an attempt to get it back, only to get stabbed in the back by Magnifico, and then have no time for a proper redemption after he's unhypnotized; Asha's grandfather turning on a dime about whether or not he wants to know what his wish was if Magnifico thought it was dangerous; Magnifico getting some justification in his backstory for his bad behavior, but Amaya's backstory being a complete black hole before she married Magnifico when you'd think it'd explain all the more why she stuck with him so long; and Asha's mum having her wish crushed to dust by Magnifico and then given back without us EVER LEARNING WHAT IT EVEN WAS IN THE FIRST PLACE, even after we see just about everyone else's wishes as soon as somebody picks it up and Asha's mum's wish gets picked up multiple times!! Come on, if you're going to set up NOT showing it, you may as well have a pay-off for it!! At least give us some moment where Asha's mum hugs her in relief and acknowledges that her daughter was her wish! That would've been a nice "aww" moment for everyone!

+Okay, I said I was going to talk about my problem with the songs, so here goes. As I said before, I listened to the soundtrack before watching the movie, and even when I did, I could immediately sense a problem: these songs did not tell me much of anything about the movie, just on their own. Welcome to Rosas, which is pretty much just an exposition dump about the kingdom and how Magnifico founded it, didn't really paint a picture of our setting or characters much at all, the way opening songs like Belle or The Family Madrigal do. This Wish, although pretty, was something I could hear just as easily on the radio -- it didn't feel as tied or necessary to understanding our heroine the way something like Part of That World does. I'm a Star, quite frankly, felt like a lot of inspirational word salad, rather than anything particularly memorable or revelatory -- why else wouldn't it even be worthy of a musical salute in the reprise, where Asha remembers that she and everyone else are stars during the climax? Even after reading summaries of the plot and spoilers from the storybook for this film, I could not figure out for the life of me how At All Costs would fit organically into such a story, being sung by our villain and hero. It wasn't until I saw the film that I saw how the filmmakers decided to fit it in and honestly...the song didn't help tell that particular scene at all. It's a really pretty song and I like it a lot -- but it lacked any of the irony or contrast that kind of a scene that introduces the difference in focus between our hero and villain required. If the scene itself is needed to understand what's supposed to be going on while the song is playing, then the song is not effectively telling the story and is therefore unnecessary. There wasn't even a particularly Spanish or Mediterranean flair to the soundtrack to help set the stage, aside from the occasional flourish of castanets -- instead it sounded very contemporary, which I guess is appropriate, since it was largely written by pop composers rather than any musical theater talent.

+There were also points where the songs felt the urge to shove in a bunch of extra words just because, rather than have the words flow well and really mean something. I'm a Star is most guilty of this, of course, but even in This is the Thanks I Get?, we hear Magnifico gripe that "I let you live here for free and I don't even charge you rent" -- mate, THAT MEANS THE SAME THING! If you live somewhere for free, then you are NOT paying rent!

+Knowing What I Know Now is a bop and I like it (aside from Amaya's stupidity), but I'm sorry, all I can think when I hear it is "This is clearly trying to be Ready as I'll Ever Be from Tangled the Animated Series, but that song blows this out of the water." However fun the song can be, it would've been so much stronger if it actually addressed the contrast between the characters and revved us up for a big final battle, instead of it just being our eight underdeveloped characters psyching each other up.

+The idea of everyone being stars was a lovely idea, but the execution of Asha remembering this fact and using it to defeat Magnifico was terribly handled. First off, there was no revelatory phrase or action that prompted Asha to remember this fact, so her suddenly saying that "they're all stars" came out of nowhere. Second, even putting aside that there'd be no way any of her friends could hear Asha from all the way up on the tower if they're stuck in the courtyard below, there's no reason I can see for Asha's friends or family to know what the hell she was even TALKING about. They weren't there when the I'm a Star number happened! And the way that number made it seem, just based on the visuals, it looked like the "star" power came from a person's dream, since it's the same glow that returns to Asha's grandfather when he gets his dream back, but most of the town's dreams have been already yanked out by Magnifico at this point! I think the idea is that since everyone is a star, even with that big piece of them and the power accompanying it taken out, they still have enough stardust inside of them to be powerful enough to chase their heart's desires...but yeah, I'm sorry, for all the word salad I'm a Star threw around, this world-building aspect was really not made clear, and because of that and the lack of a proper callback to this plot turn, the climax didn't hit as strong as it should've.

Overall, this film felt a lot like a batch of unbaked chocolate chip cookies that someone decided to throw a bunch of brightly colored sprinkles on top of, just because they could. A lot of ideas just don't feel like they were fully developed, and there was a lot tossed in that didn't contribute to the overall taste or bring the disparate elements together in a cohesive whole, instead feeling more like a distraction than anything of actual substance. That doesn't mean I couldn't eat it -- I like eating cookie dough as much as the next person -- but that doesn't mean it felt like a complete, finished product worthy of great praise. Instead I'm left looking at the wasted potential and wishing the movie had carved out its own path more, one distinctive to itself, rather than just be a mashup of previous Disney concepts and tropes. I won't act like there's nothing to like here, nor that it's completely lacking in heart: I actually would love to see fandom for this movie re-imagine it in ways that could've improved the story and characters, because there were SO many good ideas here...but for me personally, this movie left me colder than it should've and -- like Asha after meeting Magnifico -- a bit disappointed.

So I make this wish...to have Disney make a film better than this.

Overall Grade: C-

[coff-in]

being a writer is truly suffering, I hope you can enjoy yourself in peace with the books and DnD, and push through with working on ren'py (I'm actually planning on making something with it myself someday).

On that previous note I actually have a confession (🤓) to make- I actually fool around with a 5th ed DnD statblock maker and making up statsheets for characters and monsters sometimes, and made one for Andrew as a rogue/warlock character part of a small party of his own, and thinking abt making one for Ashley as a sorcerer/warlock with a focus on charming and mind-affecting powers (also with her own party). A [reader] would be screwed enough dealing with the siblings with their canon abilities, imagine how awful it'd be for Andrew to be stalking you while totally invisible, or Ashley with the power to just hypnotize you into going along with her demands if manipulation fails...

notes from coff-in: i need them to use mage hand inappropriately on me

[gender neutral] reader-insert, D&D AU (LET'S GO), NSFW

gooddd.... i need them to just... take control of me right now. i need them to make me stop thinking, to just empty out my head and make me go dumb :( it's so much effort being your own person, i just wanna be their pet or toy for a bit, not having to focus on anything else but feeling good and being used

andrew being rogue makes so much sense in my head in a way i cannot describe, same with ashley being a sorcerer. like... andrew is about being sneaky and discreet and ashley... has that innate power in her, you know? something she was born with that makes her special. it was probably hard for renee to raise her-- ashley's magic was very wild when she was younger. andy had to teach his little leyley how to control it so she doesn't burn down a classroom on accident (she does it on purpose now).

hnnnngh imagine!!! long lifespan [reader]!!! like and elf or a halfling-- what would andrew and ashley do then? their precious darling would live long after they would, they could find someone to love!!! they can't have that!!

mmmm.... mmmm this all rubs my brain very nicely... a dark thought: andrew using his rogue abilities to constantly take advantage and rape [reader]. it's the middle of the night and everyone else in the party is asleep. andrew sneaks into [reader]'s tent, at first just to lay in the same bedroll as them, but then can't stop himself from fucking them. putting a hand over their mouth when they wake, "shh shh shh. not a single fucking noise from you before i cum, okay?"

GRRRR!!! I'M CLAWING AT MY ENCLOSURE!!! I NEED TO BREAK FREE FROM SOCIETY'S SHACKLES AND FUCK THESE INSANE BITCHES!!! >:(

(if my graves sibling ocs were in dnd, one of them would definitely be a cleric who's deity/patron would be their siblings, andrew and ashley. so enamored by them that their faith in them is how they draw their power; and ppl think "oh oc just looks up to them how sweet!" but no-- they're wholly devoted.)

----

coff-in

[anonzentimes]

Hi!! I’m the same person who sent out my first ask last time so I have another question for you! I’m curious to know how you feel about KamuKoma! Do you think they’d be good together? And how do you think they’d be different from Komahina? I know some people think they’d be toxic, and I guess I could see it but maybe they could work together to heal each other or maybe it’s just wishful thinking ! Also I’m sorry if this ask makes you uncomfortable!!!

hi there again! so sorry I know I didn't even touch this ask while I was on vacation lol, It took me a bit to form my thoughts!

Honestly I don't think about kamukoma as much as komahina, they're definitely different ships lol. But I do enjoy kamukoma casually I think, their designs look really nice together and I think the concept that since Nagito is a "servant" who is actually a bit more in control of things than he seems meaning they probably would bend what roles you would expect from their dynamic which is interesting. I think they're cool, and I'm sure there's certain ways they can be written to be healthy, I just kind of have a hard time seeing it myself. I really do enjoy seeing other people's thoughts and fanart of it though! Just for some reason I struggle to form my own thoughts for them. I'm not sure if they'd be healthy or not I think it depends on circumstance? Canonically Nagito's interest in Nagito is pretty one sided, I'd like Izuru to be reciprocal just because I care about Nagito getting reciprocation when he has gotten so little in his life. I think if someone can think of how they can be reciprocal and make it work, which people have, then I think it's good.

Basically, for Kamukoma It's kind of an odd spot in my brain ship for me where I have a hard time coming up with how it'd work, but I enjoy seeing how others make it work with fanart and such! I like them casually I just struggle to form thoughts on them myself Lol.

Thank you for your Ask <3

[angryaromantics]

hi. i need help. i understand you're not a professional so i hope this isn't too heavy but i've been needing and needing to talk to someone about my internalized arophobia and never had a real chance to do it.

anyways, i've been really lost and hopeless over the past couple years because of my aromanticism. identifying as demiromantic was a cover, but even when i thought that was the full extent of my place on the aro spectrum, i hated how hard that made it to find romantic love. now i know better and think i'm probably a lot closer to fully aromantic than i thought, and by extension i'd be cupioromantic too. i've forced crushes before, since i knew they came so rarely. that ended in repulsion and an inability to communicate it just about every time. it sucked. it still sucks.

the thing that makes me feel alone is that i haven't seen anyone else in the aro community express how i feel, and those i have are saying that i shouldn't talk about it since it's technically still arophobia, even if it's towards myself, and could hurt other arospec people. then they go on to say that it's just amatonormativity and something i can get over. but i don't want to!! i know that i want a fulfilling relationship!! i'm frustrated and it feels like an erasure of how i feel!!

i'm sure it'll be damning and maybe offensive to say this but i feel like i need to be fixed and i wish i could fix myself. my desires don't match with my real attraction and it leads me to believe i'm broken in a somehow unique way. i guess it'd be nice to find a community of other cupio-aligned people and build pride for who i am, but i'm just depressed because that won't solve my problem. who i am isn't who i want to be, and i can't change that or better it in any way. i'm hurting because of it. i fear my activity in sapphic spaces is just performative since i'll never actually be sapphic, or straight, or anything. why bother if i'll never know that experience and have the happy endgame with another girl that i truly do want? am i even really bi? could i just be a lesbian if i only experience sexual attraction to girls but no other type to any other group of people? or am i just clinging onto any other orientation label to deny that i'm aromantic and don't belong in the LGB parts of queer spaces? i hate this.

thanks for letting me vent. sorry this is so long. thanks for running your blog, i really appreciate it.

Hi, anon - I apologize, I've found this in my drafts folder, and I have absolutely no idea how long it's been there. Hopefully not too long, but either way, I'm sorry I missed it.

I think the first thing is, I don't believe feelings are ever the incorrect response. You can't control your emotions. If being aromantic makes you feel negative feelings, that's okay. It's normal even. I definitely felt that way for many years, and occasionally slip into it now. I don't think it much matters if it's internalized arophobia or amatanormativity, because either way, the effect it has on you is the same.

I will say, I think the aro community has sort of over-corrected in the way we deal with negativity surrounding aromanticism. I feel like, not even that many years ago, it was rampant. A LOT of the posts, a lot of the talk, was about a lack, of what we're missing out on, etc. Especially once the big aphobia boom around here. And I think people took that, and about faced it so that negativity isn't deemed acceptable by a lot of people. I disagree with this, just fundamentally. I think talking through the negativity you feel toward your orientation can help you work through that negativity. It can also help you find like-minded people, and feeling less alone will probably make you feel less negativity.

I do think it's a dangerous line to walk, though. Because it's easy to tip over into All negativity in such insular communities, and that can honestly be dangerous for everyone's mental health.

I hope you find some peace. I hope you come into yourself. I hope things settle, as they often do with time. I'm sorry none of this has an easy fix. I hope writing it down and getting it off your chest helped. There's nothing wrong with you, and you belong here <2

[dualityvn]

So there is this card game called we’re not really strangers and some of the questions are real silly (aka a little depressing) and id like to ask some of the questions to the boys

1. What is something u tolerated from people in the past that u no longer have space/time for?

2. What kinds of people do you enjoy most being around?

3. What's a feeling you're uncomfortable sharing with a partner?

4. What is your most toxic trait you can admit to?

5. What did your last relationship or friendship teach you about yourself?

6. What would your younger self not believe about your life today?

7. What’s the hardest part about dating you?

8. What makes you feel closer to your partner or helps you have a stronger connection with them?

9. What memory instantly makes you smile?

10. What's something you believe to be true that no one else around you believes is true?

I know there’s like hella questions so pick and choose whatever you want to answer :)

"Oh, great. Alright, if Keith answers these honestly, anybody who gives him a hard time for his answers is getting tied to a tree with a sign that says, 'Punch me, I'm a freaky masochist'." - Tenebris

P.S. For those who don't know: orange is Keith, blue is Tenebris, green is both.

1. "Um, I used to try to please every single person to the best of my abilities, even my bullies. I thought it'd make them like me. But now I limit that to the people I care about."

"I'm more tolerant now than I was before. I used to tolerate nearly nothing."

2. "People who aren't judgmental."

3. "Sadness caused by them. And my hatred for myself."

"Guilt. Then I have to talk about why I'm guilty."

4. "I get jealous easily."

"I have anger issues."

5. "I could do better..."

"I actually have some self-control."

8. "Being myself without having to fear or worry."

"Them being nice to both of us. And head pats."

10. "There are gods out there and they are not benevolent."

[corvid-language-library]

Tw for ED/food mention

I realised yesterday that I might actually have last withdrawn cash before my last payday, which would mean I actually still have all of this month's allotted money to use. Which should be good because I definitely should not be living on half the recommended daily intake of a toddler. It's bad for my work and I'll inevitably end up binging until I end up puking come pay day.

But also, the challenge of making my money stretch that far and restricting that much is very exciting and appealing (bad thoughts bad thoughts). Additionally, I need need need to stop drinking as much pepsi zero as I do. It's insane how much I drink and this is making me realise just how much money I spend on this shit. I need to break the habit and this feels like a good way to do it.

So I'm resisting checking my bank balance because I'm scared to find I actually have more money than I expected because I know I'll then have to choose between withdrawing it and risking continuing as I have been (wasting money on binge food and pepsi zero, bad for both my wallet and my health) or purposefully not withdrawing any, at which point this becomes less about money and more about control. And that control is very hard to let go of. If I don't check, at least I have a finish line.

I just want to have a normal fucking relationship with food dammit. I wish I could trust myself to just withdraw cash and be responsible with it but noooo. It'd be nice to have a middle ground where I just set my own budget but alas, I am not that disciplined.

[classicallyunprepared]

The Ski Lodge Revisted

Grayson teaches Avery how to ski, but more happens afterward.

"You're allowed to want things. Max keeps telling me that."

"The last time I wanted anyone, it nearly tore my family apart." I feel my face getting hot. I don't mince my words. Although, my statement had been accurate.

Avery saw my face. Her lips part slightly, and she’s for me to say something but I can’t muster anything to say.

"What was she like, Emily?"

Oh, Emily? I didn't know where to start.

"She was bold and brilliant and daring. She was chasing, always chasing after what was next, the next thrill, the newest adventure. She wanted to be a part of everything. Always. She hated being left out and hated when life got stale. She knew how to make sure she was never bored. And she never was, she had this way about her: she felt so full of excitement. It made you feel like you were a part of it, her world."

Avery bit her lip and looked at the ground, not quite meeting my eyes.

"Did you love her?"

I took a breath.

"I did. I, I thought I did. We were brought up so close, but I don't think she let me in. I knew she was running, from the pain, from her sickness. She told me that I made her feel like I was the one who really got her. But I don't know if I ever did."

I let out another breath. I felt tears welling in my eyes. A cool hand took mine.

"I'm sorry." Avery met my eyes. "I'm sorry. For losing her, for everything. I can only imagine how much it'd hurt." I took a deep breath.

"If I had been there, if I had gotten out and moved my body, I could have saved her."

"Grayson, you can't blame yourself. It isn't your fault. You have to believe that."

There it was. People had been telling me this ever since. Xander had said it when she died. It had been one of the first things he'd said to comfort me. You can't blame yourself Gray, Emily was sick. There is nothing you could have done, even if you had run to save her. And later, when he'd skipped dinner for days, spending time in the pool, swimming or looking at Hawthrone Foundation papers: you can't do this, you can't keep hiding yourself in your room away from everyone. Emily is gone, but you can't keep blaming yourself. You have to live.

And he had. He started going back to dinner, spending time with his brothers, playing games and joking with Jameson and Xander and Nash. Xan was right. He needed to be there for his family. But falling in love, that was off the table. Losing control like that, there was no way he could do it again. Keeping everyone safe, it was the least he could do.

"You know, you and Xander aren't too different."

"Really? Am I a crossaint-loving mastermind behind all this?"

I couldn't help but smile, just a bit.

"More than you think actually. He told me the same thing. That I shouldn't blame myself, that I should go on and live."

Avery's hand held mine tighter.

"It helped. I've been back to business, trying to keep this family from falling apart again."

"And that's working great."

"Well, there have been plenty of unexpected complications." I rubbed my temple.

"And I'm one of them."

"It isn't your fault." I looked her in the eyes.

Avery bursted out laughing. She smirked, amused.

"Not, not on a personal level. Grandfather would have thrown us into chaos no matter what. I know he would."

"It's kind of funny, isn't it?" Avery smiled. "I'm some random girl that got thrown into all of this."

"Avery, it wasn't random. He chose you because you're special. You're brilliant, thoughtful, and so strong. I don't know why he wouldn't choose you...why anyone..."

I bit my tongue, searching for the words for half a second.

"Grandfather saw something in you. Something that impressed him. It makes perfect that he'd chose you for his heir."

Avery looks at me and raises her eyebrow a bit.

"You keep doing that." She says, "You keep doing that thing where you say something so nice to me and then it feels like you're biting your tongue."

"Pulling your guard back up. You're allowed to feel things, Grayson. You're allowed to... you're allowed to want things."

I realize that my hand has moved away from hers. I put my palms together, clutching my fingers. It feels too close to be like this with her. I feel her breath, her sitting next to me, and I remember the chill of her touch.

"I can't do this. I can't do this to him again. I told Jameson I would teach you to ski, that's it. Avery, I'm here to help you, but I can't be anything more than. I can't let Jameson get hurt again."

Avery let out a deep breath.

"But what about yourself? Do you really think it makes it better for me to see you like this? Do you think it's easier for me to pretend there is nothing there? That I don't feel things for you, that I don't care. That every time you're with me, I feel like I'm floating and safe and like there's no one else. Don't you think it hurts me to be around you and watch you shut down. Every single time. Not because you don't care, but because you're so afraid, so afraid of feeling something. Of taking any chances or trying, even trying to be happy. You're allowed to want things Grayson, and I don't know if that's me or Emily back or what, but... You can't, no a person can't go on like this Gray. I can't stand to watch you like this."

"You kissed me. When they asked me about Toby. There were a million ways to distract me, to cover up my words, to keep everyone distracted. Why did you kiss me, Grayson? If you didn't want to."

I almost want to deny it. To cover myself with lies, to build up the wall again. To protect myself, to protect all of us, but I can't. And thankfully, Avery doesn't stop.

"Because I haven't stopped thinking about it. I can't stop... Max told me once, when I was afraid. When I felt like, after my mom had died, that I didn't deserve to feel again. That to be open to more love would be to betray her, would make me in the wrong. Max said to imagine standing on a hill. Who is with you up there? Who is the one standing by your side. For so long, I thought I was standing alone. But it's you, Grayson. Every time I think about that hill and who I want standing right beside me, it's you Grayson."

Avery's gaze hadn't left mine. It was all out there, all of it. My mind could be swarming with possibilities, but I go still.

"Avery" I breathe.

She took my hand. She is sitting close, so close. Her hazel eyes are lit up and they rest on mine. I can hear her breath.

"Grayson, please"

I move closer and my lips meet hers. Gently, slowly at first. I hold onto her hair and kiss her more. Letting myself want it. Putting myself into it all. I feel the heat between us, the soft pull of her lips on mine grow stronger, deepening into the kiss. Letting myself feel and fade and fall into the moment. Letting myself let go, and be, really be with her. I smile, after what feels like forever and an instant, when she gently pulls away.

Avery Kylie Grambs. It was a very risky gamble.

[lostusagis]

@jiraipink asked:

"Oh um. I just thought it was really cute. I adore your way of thinking. O-Oh! Thank you! Don't worry your secret is safe with me, Mui." She even does the whole zipping lips gesture and takes the cream puff, before taking a happy bite out of it. Sitting closely next to him. "I never thought of it that way before. Now every time I want some cream puffs, I'd think of puff puff action eheheh~! I think that's so cute! I hope you don't mind me using that phrase to you? I think it's fun to use that just between us. Like friends saying inside jokes that's out of context to everyone else except us hahaha." Despite him appearing unbothered, she still felt a little anxious. Staring down at her bitten cream puff; studying the creamy thickness inside the doughy pastry with a pensive expression. "But you know I... I really care about your feelings, so... If I hurt you, or you feel you're being mocked, you'll... let me know, right? I-I'll stop and say sorry and never tease you again if it's something you're really not comfortable with me doing. I promise. I like playing with you, but... if I'm the only one having fun, then it's not fun at all. I want to have fun WITH you, Kamui." She wipes off a piece of cream that was near his lips with a napkin she took out from her Kuromi bag and mournfully smiles at him. "You're... my favorite person. I know that being friends means there's bound to be some hurt sometimes, despite being so close and so happy with each other. Honestly? It's one of the reasons why I found it hard to be friends with people. I had a distrust with anyone who tried and hated myself as well at the thought of ever hurting them, so I always kept everyone at arms length. I had a terrible experience with friendships, so... I never wanted to feel that pain again and kept running."

She thought back to how things used to be between them and then how they started putting in the effort of being better friends with each other after he regained control of his Yato blood. It was on that day that started it all. A new beginning for them. "But with you... With you I... I could trust you. I knew what I got myself into when I decided to be your friend. I knew the risks, but... something told me deep down that it'd be okay. That we could mend things together and overcome anything. We've come a long way and been through a lot, after all... Eheheh. Have you ever wondered why I was acting incredibly shy and awkward with you at first? It's because I wanted to be careful and kept worrying if I bothered you. I really, really didn't want to mess up being friends with you. It had been a long while since I've made a friend that I had forgotten what it was like to be friends with someone. To feel so happy with someone." Namida places her hand that's adorned with the matching friendship bracelet atop his own that's also adorned with the bracelet she made for him. "I want to be someone you can trust, rely on and be the happiest with. Share all your secrets with, be vulnerable and feel safest with. Like a best friend should be."

She shyly looks at up him tenderly stares for a silent moment, as if desperately searching for his soul deep in those ocean blue eyes of his, before continuing. "You're so special to me, Kamui... I-I'm sorry for rambling there, it's just... If I lost you because of what I said or did..." Tears began to well up in her eyes as her face tightened and teeth clenching. Frowning lips quivering. "I don't want to lose you... So please... Please be honest if I hurt you in any way... I want to try and fix it. I want... to be with you forever." Sniffling ensues at just the mere thought of Kamui cutting ties with her. Her name "Namida" matching up with her emotions right now: tears. Deep down, she's actually a big crybaby who gets emotional easily. Droplets of her tears falling down on her cream puff.

Kamui just kind of sighs due to her finding his ignorance 'cute'. He does smile at her, since it was nice to know she wouldn't tell anyone any secret he'd share with her. He wasn't one who trusted so easily, only able to name three people he actually wholeheartedly trusted. Her included in that circle.

The way she used that term though, earned her a laugh. It was hard not to find it funny given that he knew what it actually meant now. Kamui really wondered why it was even called that. It was so misleading, for him anyway.

''Sure, go ahead. It'll be entertaining to see what kind of reaction people will have if they overhear us.'' He'd take another cream puff, munching on it contently. Although, the Yato noticed the change in her demeanor and wondered what was wrong. Kamui does tend to be careless with words, and assumed maybe he slipped something out that could've upset her. At least, until she started talking about what was on her mind.

He hadn't even noticed he had food on the side of his mouth, up until she cleaned it for him. Kamui still retained the habit of eating a bit messily.

The words she'd say to him, really had him taken back. It honestly.... meant a lot that she cared about his feelings so much, to be that antsy over upsetting him. Luckily for her, only CERTAIN things would really get under his skin, but not a lot. His feelings weren't easily hurt. But, he would recall that time he had been mad at her. Over something petty. So much so, he didn't want to be taken care of by her despite his sickened state, and likelihood of dying had he remained in the sun any longer. But, they were able to talk things out at least. Kamui was happy for that, she's definitely been the reason he'd be more wary of how he spoke. Given that he had upset her when calling her a crybaby.

There was a smile, ever so full of warmth and gentleness. One reserved for her alone, when he'd look down at their hands. It was as if on instinct, he'd lace their fingers with each other.

''Hey....'' He put aside the box of cream puffs, so he could caress one side of her face. His thumb brushes away tears from her eyes,

''You won't lose me. Nothing you say will ever get me to stop annoying you.'' He'd stroke her cheek gently with his thumb still. His gaze taking in the sight of her, the face he'd always have on his mind. Always thinking about her, always wanting to be around her. He really wished he knew what this obsession stemmed from, wishing he could understand more. The thought of losing her would make a tightening pain in his chest ensue.

Hopefully that'll never happen. Losing someone. . . . so precious to him.

''You should already know it takes a lot to truly piss me off. Even if you'd tease me, I really wouldn't mind. You should see how my men are sometimes, they say a lot of annoying crap. It never actually bothers me though.''

Has he ever truly been upset with her before? Kamui couldn't really think of anything. At least not before they became friends. Although, not even back then too. It was merely slight annoyance, but nothing major. It was interesting that she'd constantly talk back to him without any bit of intimidation. Hence why he kept on and on and on when it came to getting on her nerves.

''Don't apologize, but also. . . don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me either. You can feel comfortable joking around with me, and even if something crosses the line, which I doubt would ever happen, you know I'm always honest with you. You're one of the few people I'm like that with.''

Eventually, he'd pull her onto his lap, her back against his chest and he'd hug around her waist and rest his cheek against her shoulder.

''I'm really distrusting myself, maybe not as bad as your reason but... it sucks when you put all your faith in someone who promised something extremely important to you, only for them to lie constantly, and screw you over.'' His grip on her did tighten when thinking back to childhood memories.

''But... I trust you. I trust you a lot. I know you'd never betray me.'' He was assured of that much given everything that's happened between them thus far.

''You make me so happy.... you make me forget about all the bad things that'll often go through my mind. You....'' Crap, he was trying to keep himself together. He swallowed thickly.

''A-Anyway. . . .'' He'd heave a shaky sigh for a second. ''Don't stress so much about upsetting me alright? If anything, we can just talk it out afterwards anyway. We've done that before, haven't we?'' Lips pressed against her cheek, gaze retaining warmth when looking at her.

''I'll always be there for you, no matter what. I promise. You're MY favorite person as well, and I'll do anything to make sure we can stay friends.''

[gurokichi]

Hehe, no need to apologize for getting excited! I love being your Doll and am so happy to see how excited you got when I called you my bon <3

All of the inverts take care of themselves most of the time, other than making sure they have enough food and water; And we've almost always had cats and dogs so it would be more of a chore to not take care of them! The chickens are the ones that feel out of the way in my daily life, but they are great, so I don't mind!

Most people think the feeling of someone watching them is unsettling; but when I know it's just you, it's so nice and cozy!

Bon really knows how to fluster it's Doll (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

You enjoy such a variety of games! Doll also love loves pixel art, so pretty! I've always been interested in Stardew Valley because of the graphics, I'm honestly happy I haven't gotten it already after hearing about Fields of Mistria!!! It looks so pretty! Doll wouldn't be able to keep up playing so many different games at once, how does Bon do it!!! That issue with steam sounds so annoying,,, I used to share a Spotify account with a friend and it'd do the same!!! Ooo, I've watched see my brothers play red dead redemption 2 before, usually I don't like games like that but I've actually been quite interested in it, I may give red dead 2 a try one day! Doll would probably accidentally abuse their horse too, Doll doesn't game much so wouldn't be used to the controls (╥﹏╥)

Recently ive played Minecraft, Sims 4, fallguys, and a few games on roblox if I play with friends,,, but I also a few on my list to play once I get a computer, which should hopefully be soon ^^ league of legends, stardew valley, and now Fields of Mistria, sweet pool, slow damage, and I'm sure I'm forgetting some-

Sorry this response has taken so so long!!! Doll keeps on getting busy, I hate it I just wanna spend time with My Bon~

-Your Dolly 🎀💕

You really love being my doll? Yay!!◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜ I'm glad that I can make you happy, my doll deserves to be.

Ah, that's really cool!! How come you keep so many different animals? I wish I could have a pet, but the others who live here are very against having anything besides people living in the house. I once got close to convincing them to let me keep rats, though. Did not happen in the end </3

Stardew Valley is definitely worth a try, even if you get Fields of Mistria. It has a lot more content, and if you get it on PC, there are tons of mods that you can use to add even more content and make it look the way you want it to! As for me playing so many games, I have a lot of free time on my hands. I don't have much else to do... most of my time is just spent waiting for someone to come talk to me. Everyone else is busy with their own things, so I gotta kill time somehow while waiting for them. I find RDR2 interesting so far; it's definitely not something I'd usually play either. Someone I know seems to really like it, and I also used to watch my brothers play, so I decided to finally pick it up. Ehehe, I'm sure you'd get the hang of it eventually!! The controls are pretty confusing, though..

Ah, I've played all of those before! What do you enjoy doing in Minecraft and the Sims? What games do you like playing on Roblox? I hope that you're able to get a computer soon to play all the games that you want to play!! I've heard of LoL but never played it myself. You'll have to let me know if it's fun. I only know of Slow Damage after looking through your blog, but not what it's about. I've never heard of Sweet Pool. What are those two games?

That's totally okay, Dolly. No need to apologize; I understand you might be busy, and I don't mind waiting. It's not like I'm going anywhere, so take all the time you need to reply!! (≧◡≦) ♡

[originalgenshinscenarios]

Monthly special: Variable Barricade crossover!

I joked that I'd finish it on Miko's birthday- to actually finish it on her birthday lol. Anyways this isn't exactly proofread because I honestly just wanted to post it already. I get that's it's messy and all over the place but that's how things are when I try to make a short chapter out of something that should've been multiple chapters where I go into more detail with the issues, but if I did that we would never have this thing finished ever.

If you want to join the taglist just send an ask or dm me!

Reader here is female and has established background.

Cw: Age gap (Reader is 18 and the ladies are ages 20-24)

|First Chapter|

<= Previous chapter

You're slowly starting to understand Miko, she started to become your place of comfort even with your routine. Now she had helped you see things you were too stubborn to notice.

But what will you do about it?

Miko's part one: chapter 2- Like a bird in a cage.

Another weekend has made its round as you slowly get used to everyone being around. Although you still don't enjoy this situation, at least you don't feel scared as much anymore. You feel more like you have 4 obnoxious roommates rather than having 4 women competing for your heart.

"Y/N, can you come here please?" Miko asked as she patted the place right next to her on the couch as soon as you went downstairs. She didn't even look up from her book and she already knew that it was you who's here which is quite impressive. Perhaps it was just luck, or perhaps you were the only one who hasn't left your room yet. Regardless you were curious what could she want from you.

"What is it Miko?" you ask as you approached her, you didn't sit down though as you could only spare a moment for her.

"I was just wondering if you'd like to go out today, I found a nice store for us to go to. It sells quite adorable accessories so I figured it'd be to your liking" she smiled "They certainly piqued my interest, so I wouldn't want you missing out on it" she didn't look like she was teasing you.

"Pardon my intrusion miss Miko, while I do think it's a lovely offer, don't you think that such items aren't suitable for a L/N heir?" before you got a chance to respond, Thoma joined in the conversation. It seems like he knew what store she had in mind. But you aren't really surprised by his reaction, it's not the first time he has controlled your wardrobe. So far his judgment was right, so you never really complained about it. However, Miko had a different opinion on it.

"And Why is that? It's just something she can have in private. I'm not saying that she has to do serious business wearing these accessories" her mood shifted too, her smile changed into a more judgemental look as she spoke to your butler.

"I don't think you understand, being an heir it's something you can take a break from" as true as it was, you honestly just wanted to leave this conversation.

"It's okay Miko. I don't think there's anything I'd like to wear anyways, but thanks for the offer" you decided to cut the argument short. It definitely wasn't going anywhere and frankly you wouldn't want to see it going any further.

It's not like you had the time to go today anyways, because you and Ayaka had plans.

-

When you came back home you went to Miko's room for your usual "fluffy therapy". It was a little different this time, because it was clear that she was still annoyed if not furious.

"Are you still thinking about what happened in the morning..?" you decided to be direct, you saw no point in changing the topic for it to gradually change into what you truly wanted to discuss.

"Not really. It's… something else entirely actually. Although I'd be lying if I said that Thoma didn't upset me" she sighed "But it doesn't matter. After all now I get you all to myself" she winks, her good spirits quickly coming back to her "I actually did get you a little something" she took out a small bird keychain. It was… adorable.

"Thank you but-"

"No need to thank me or refuse the gift. I don't expect you to attach it to anything" she stopped you before you had the chance to bring up what Thoma had said.

"Then why bother giving me this..?" you're happy that you don't need to turn it down but, at the same time what were you supposed to do with it?

"Y/N, not every item is going to serve its destined purpose set by the producer. Besides, I just wanted you to have a little something that would remind you of me. So as long as you don't throw it away, I'm fine with whatever you do with it" she explained, putting her hand on your shoulder.

"Oh… Thank you, I'll be sure to take care of it" you felt a little speechless by what she had said. The first sentence was definitely not just about the keychain, you know it's her way of nudging you in the right direction. But, it's not something you're willing to agree to. You are a responsible young woman, therefore you're not interested in such idealistic talk of a perfect world.

"I believe keeping it out of Thoma's sight is a perfect way to do just that" she laughed "Or not, I think it'd be funny to start hearing how bad of an influence I have on you"

"Those aren't exactly Thoma's ideals you know, he's just following orders for the most part" it's important for you to clear it up before anything. You don't want her to get any weird ideas, after all even if he sometimes acts against you in the end he's your ally. You could always count on him, so you're aware that he does everything in your best interest… but the situation with suitors is that one exception where you're still mad about him keeping it secret.

"If that's what you want to believe, I won't push my opinion on it any further" she was definitely disappointed by your defense "Let's not talk about it, we got a little distracted and now it's time to resume what you came here for originally, okay?" you nod, as you don't want to continue it either. Now it was your time to relax.

Still, there was one feeling of doubt playing around with your heart, and you didn't even know what you were doubting to begin with. In the end you allowed yourself to forget it, but you have the feeling that if you continue your relationship with Miko you will eventually find your answer.

-

You ended up not attaching the keychain to anything, but you do have it with yourself and occasionally glance at it for a moment. You're not even sure why. But it is rather adorable, so it'd be a shame to just let it gather dust in your room.

"Destined purpose huh..?" you mutter to yourself. It was clear that Miko was talking more about you than this little bird… but why do you care? Just because she got some way of getting close to you, it's not like it makes her understand you completely. Her gesture is nice, but in no way she can dictate what to think. You're happy with how things are, sure sometimes you get upset over how things are but you're strong. You're a L/N and you take pride in that.

"Greetings Y/N" Ayaka walked up to you. You almost forgot that you were at school… Regardless she looked at the object of your previous attention "That's quite an adorable keychain, where did you get it?"

"It's a gift" you didn't want to lie. But now you are bound to have a talk about your progress.

"Oh! Is it from one of the suitors? From who exactly?" she smiles "It's very nice of her, don't you agree?"

"It's from Miko. And well, I'm not sure if she did it for me, or if she wanted to upset Thoma instead" honestly you thought about the second opinion just now. It made sense.

"But Thoma isn't the type to get upset so easily. Especially over things like that" you knew she'd bring it up.

"You tell me, it's just that the two had an argument that morning about what I'm allowed to wear. With how Miko is, he probably thought she'd buy me something too cute to tease me" you pause for a moment "Besides, she doesn't know Thoma in a way either of us do. So she probably thought that her ignoring his advice would be her winning"

"So I'm guessing you haven't explained the situation?"

"I did, but just so she doesn't get any weird ideas. It's not my responsibility to make sure the suitors get along with Thoma" if anything it's in their favor to do that on their own.

"I guess you're right" she looked a bit troubled "I'm surprised Thoma even stood up to her. I remember how he talked to me about her when it was all starting" given how easily Thoma gets along with everyone you were quite surprised to hear it. Ayaka had no reason to lie though, so you didn't question her mention.

"Look at me, I was scared of them too but I'm slowly getting used to it"

"That's good to hear, but I still think there might be something more to it…" she trailed off for a second "But uhm… don't mind me! I was just thinking out loud, I wouldn't want you to feel paranoid for no reason"

"You can't just say stuff like that and expect me to not think about it!" you immediately started to think what could she even mean.

"Sorry Y/N but really, it's just a random thought I had. You don't have anything to worry about really!" she looked panicked a little as she realized her poor choice of words.

"You're not making this any better Ayaka…" you sigh. You know she's trying but that seed of doubt made it's way to you, and it won't be something you could get rid of easily. Especially since Ayaka does have her suspicions and she admits to them.

"I know…" she looked down "But it wasn't anything serious. I just wondered why Miko and Thoma have that pointless war going on" she tried to clear it up, but it was too late for you to not overthink it. She must've had something more specific on her mind and shortened it for a reason.

-

Next day, Ayaka's words kept haunting you. Just what did she mean? What did she want to say? Even if it was just her imagination, she should just tell you her "theory" because now you're overthinking it. What could Miko have against Thoma, or the other way around? Why does it matter? What are they hiding from you? These never ending questions are really driving you insane. To get your answers though you can't just be straightforward about it. You need a plan to get just the information you need. Which won't be easy. Miko definitely would know your intentions before you even speak… same with Thoma now that you think about it. You really had no way to go about it.

As you were slowly giving up, you heard Miko's voice. She was talking to someone over the phone and seems to not have noticed you "Oh please, you don't need to go that far now" her voice sounded troubled and it caused you to worry "You'll do what!? I had no idea you'd be this desperate" she sighed as she continued to listen "Alright, I get it. Just give me some time. I promise everything will be done on time" before she hangs up you leave the area. You wouldn't want her to know that you were eavesdropping. Still, her conversation concerned you. What if she was being threatened? It sounded like that. Even if she seemed calm it's still Miko, she probably put on a brave face. You need to help her… but she probably won't be willing to talk.

-

You couldn't get this out of your head so you decided to talk with the rest. Maybe they would be able to help.

"Have you talked to Miko first? Maybe you misunderstood the situation" Ningguang was the first one to point it out.

"I'm not sure if she'd tell me the truth" you answer.

"Makes sense, a lot of people tend to avoid asking for help in situations like these" Yelan nods "But Miko isn't like other people, I'm sure that even if she's being threatened she has some sort of a plan" she adds.

"Yeah I agree, she'll probably end up playing the person who threatened her" Eula said with an annoyed tone.

"I can definitely see it too" Ningguang now seemed less concerned as she laughed lightly "Whoever chose her to pick on is probably regretting it now" with that the atmosphere of the conversation switched… and you didn't like that.

"Do you think she might be acting dumb? Or is she straight up just insufferable?" Yelan asked, clearly holding back a chuckle.

"My bet is that she's a mix of both and acts accordingly to what the other side says" Eula rolled her eyes.

As they continued to talk like that you could feel the anger in you growing…

|"How dare you say things like that!?" (Romance)|

"Just why do you think this is something you can joke about!?" the look on your face was mixed with disappointment and fury "Miko might be in danger and all you can think of is how SHE'S inconvenient to THEM?" the room fell silent "Come on, tell me. Why do you think that this is okay?" you look at them with your arms crossed.

The actual reason for them being quiet though… wasn't your shaming "I see that you're concerned about me. That's really sweet but… why?"

|"That's not the point…" (Reason)|

"Look, I'm pretty sure that she can handle herself. But I still would like us to talk to her about it" you sigh at how they think this is appropriate time to joke "She sounded like she wasn't in the biggest trouble but I'd still prefer to make sure"

"Then why make such a gathering instead of talking to me directly hm..?"

-----

You turn to see Miko smirking "Go on, I'm listening"

As caught off guard as you were, you had to speak the truth "I overheard your conversation on the phone"

"And what about it? I was just speaking to one of the former writers I used to help. I can hardly see how that could be worrisome" she shrugged "Unless you took that completely out of context. Then I must say you have quite the imagination to make it out into something like that"

You were glad that she was alright… but it almost sounded like she was mocking you. It made you regret worrying for her "I see, in that case I apologize for the misunderstanding" you say gracefully but on the inside you felt extremely embarrassed. You turned and left the scene. Nobody followed after you, which you appreciated.

What is it with you making things into such a mess? What's the deal with this constant overthinking? First was that "war" and now this. This whole suitor situation is making you even more paranoid with each day and now you can see it.

"Y/N?" it definitely wasn't Thoma's voice "I know I'm not supposed to be here, but I was worried because of how you left" you could clearly hear Miko from the other side of the doors.

|If you picked romance options the most|

You have no idea what to do. You don't want to let her in, so you just peek your head out "You have nothing to worry about"

"Oh really? Then care to explain why you act like we're back at square one?" she sighed "You still don't understand your own feelings, do you?"

"Because you're the expert, aren't you?" your sarcastic tone was sharp, but she remained unphased.

"I don't claim as such, but it's not hard to tell that you're lost" she didn't attempt to enter your room. But from the look on her face it looked more like she wanted you to come out instead.

She doesn't ask that of you, and yet you still chose to do just that "Listen, I appreciate that you care enough to continue reaching out" you pause for a moment as you want to once again arrange your words in your mind before you speak "But I want to be the one to explain my feelings to me. I don't need any directions, and I most certainly don't want you to treat me like I'm here to amuse you with my somewhat naive behavior"

"I understand, thank you for telling me" her smile was somewhat sinister… "I suppose that means I don't have anything else to say to you. See you later then" she leaves without your answer once again.

|If you picked reason options the most|

You're done with her for today. It's not that you're really mad at her… but more in need of a break. You remain quiet, wanting to see if she'll respect your boundary.

From the other side you couldn't hear any more sounds other than faint footsteps getting quieter with each second. She must've left so now you got to calm down at your own peace. It was nice of her to worry, and even better that she gave you the space you needed.

-----

In the end, whatever you do you can't understand her intentions. She probably thinks of it as a game, and yet you find yourself hoping that you're wrong in thinking so. She managed to get herself close to you, but it doesn't mean that you trust her. As sweet as her gestures are, you could only see it as tricks. Then again, anything your suitors do could be considered as such.

So all you can do now is to keep your eyes open.

-- TAGLIST:

@audre-falrose @frozengenderfluid @watamehorns @bebeluvvv @fandangotales @yumi-genshin-writer

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

I posted 551 times in 2022

That's 155 more posts than 2021!

178 posts created (32%)

373 posts reblogged (68%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@letters-to-lgbt-kids

I tagged 175 of my posts in 2022

#lgbt - 150 posts

#lgbt+ - 149 posts

#good addition thankyou! - 2 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

My dear lgbt+ kids,

"I am Oliver. We don't know each other yet. It's nice to meet you!"

Those are pretty simple sentences, easy to understand, right? You don't need to be an expert on language to use sentences like that. I am fairly certain that even Elon Musk could do so - even though I used pronouns in each of them.

I and We and It and You are pronouns. A pronoun is a word that is used as a substitution for a noun. If we used no pronouns at all, we'd have to constantly repeat nouns: Instead of "Lily likes coffee. She drinks it every day.", it'd be "Lily likes coffee. Lily drinks coffee every day."

That's not how the majority of people speak now and it wasn't the way they spoke a few years ago, either. Pronouns are not a new invention and they weren't invented by trans people.

You probably don't need an English lesson from me - I just want to highlight how silly it is when people claim stuff like "Nobody used pronouns before 2020, it's ridiculous to expect people to suddenly know how to use them now" or "Most people don't even use pronouns, it's just a tiny majority of people who use them" or "Most people are not trans, so they don't understand how pronouns work" or "Pronouns ruin our beautiful language! We can't just suddenly decide to change the way language works".*

Just think of this letter as your permission to roll your eyes at statements like that (internally, if necessary). It's not your job to teach basic English to adults.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

* Note how all of those statements actually contain pronouns as well?

1,605 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

#4

My dear lgbt+ kids,

I just committed the big mistake of looking at the notes of a random cute "I love loving men" post that I stumbled across and, wow, it's disappointing how something as sweet as talking about love can attract so much hate.

But among the obvious bad takes ("If you like men, you are not queer" and all that jazz), there were a few that I assume were written by well-meaning people and I noticed a common theme in them, so I wanted to address it here:

No, you do not help trans men by talking about how much you hate cis men.

You do not help trans men if you take positivity for men and turn it into a "this is only about trans men! cis men are evil" thing.

You do not do anyone a favor by separating men into good (trans) men and bad (cis) men - and you can only do that online anyway. How would you do it offline? You can't always tell if a man is trans or cis just by looking at them. Do you assume we all look feminine? Or would you ask us about our genitalia to determine if we are good or bad? And if so, then what about trans men who got bottom surgery? Do they suddenly turn from good to bad after surgery?

As a trans man myself, I can tell you that you do not make me feel safe or supported by adding "Yes but only trans men lol" to positivity posts for men. In fact, it has the opposite effect: You are just telling me that you only see me as "a man who is Not Really A Man". A man lite. Not the same gender as cis men.

Trans men and cis men are both men. We all equally belong in the category of men. We are the same gender! Making a big deal out of hating some of us doesn't help any of us.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

1,716 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

#3

My dear lgbt+ kids,

If you know you don't want to get pregnant anytime soon, here are some options to consider.

Implant

A birth control implant is a plastic rod (about the size of a matchstick) that is implanted under the skin. It releases progestin which blocks ovulation. It lasts up to 3 years and can be removed anytime. It doesn't require a pelvic exam and it doesn't have estrogen (important for people who want or need to avoid it).

It can cause side effects but they are usually minor, such as acne or breast tenderness.

Copper IUD (also called nonhormonal IUD)

An IUD is a small, T-shaped instrument that gets placed in your uterus. Sperm don't like copper - when they run into a copper IUD, they swim in the opposite direction which keeps them from getting to the egg. It lasts up to 12 years and can be removed. (If you change your mind and want a baby, you can even start trying immediately after removal!)

Side effects can include random spotting during early use as well as a heavier flow and more cramps during your period. Some people experience discomfort after the insertion but that's short-lived and can usually be relieved with OTC painkillers.

Hormonal IUD

The same as above but it releases a small amount of progestin (much less progestin than found in birth control pills). It lasts for 3 to 7 years and usually makes you stop having periods or makes them much lighter. (If you change your mind and want a baby, it will take some time after removal before you can start trying.)

You may experience cramping or dizziness during the insertion procedure. Some also experience spotting and cramping for 3 to 6 months after but once your body gets used to it, it goes away.

All three of these are very effective ways to prevent pregnancy (with over 99% effectiveness) because they are "forgettable". You don't need to remember any schedule or plan ahead before you have sex.

Important to remember: They do not prevent STDs!

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

1,757 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#2

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Here are simply a few short reminders:

trans men and lesbians are not enemies

trans men and lesbians are allowed to relate to each other and find comfort in shared experiences

trans men can find comfort in content that was made by/for lesbians, and the other way around

friendships between trans men and lesbians exist and are beautiful

claiming that such friendships are by default predatory/toxic/weird is bullcrap

"We can support each other but unfortunately we are fighting for totally incompatible goals :( " is bullcrap too (and also a big red flag that you are talking to a terf)

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

1,933 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Here are some good things that happened in 2021!

January:

Just hours after his inauguration, President Joe Biden (USA) signed an executive order for more protections against discrimination on the basis of sex, sexuality, gender identity and sex stereotypes.

The Labor Department (USA) suspended an executive order banning government agencies from providing diversity training.

Also USA: transgender people are now allowed to serve in the military.

February:

Homosexuality is no longer a crime in Bhutan.

Homosexuality is no longer a crime in Angola.

The new penal code in Angola contains anti-discrimination protections on the basis of sexuality and gender identity

In New York, commercial surrogacy has become legal for same-sex couples.

March:

The EU parliament decided that all EU member states are a "lgbt+ freedom zone".

Victoria (Australia) banned conversion therapy.

April:

Religious leaders in Uganda released a video documentary preaching love and support for the lgbt+ community.

May:

In the USA, healthcare companies are no longer allowed to deny coverage to gay and transgender people.

Croatia allows adoption for same-sex couples.

June:

The Mexican State of Sinaloa legalized same-sex marriage.

India banned conversion therapy.

The UK allows gay men to donate blood.

France allows gay men to donate blood.

July:

Minnesota (USA) banned conversion therapy.

Argentinia included "X" in the National Identity Document as an gender option for nonbinary people.

August:

Yucatán (Mexico) legalized same-sex marriage.

Yucatán (Mexico) banned conversion therapy.

See the full post

3,248 notes - Posted January 3, 2022

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