#Jack Black: Free soda for all humans!

[seven-dragons]

Finally watched the Mandalorian with Lizzo, and it was awesome, but also aside from that awesomeness pretty much the closest thing I have ever seen to a live action episode of Futurama.

[femshep-fatships]

"Entry level position at Cerberus. Competitive Salary. Earn 500 lbs of on the blob Experience"

[Miranda x OC] Contains: Feedersim. "Mrs Lawson...I think...I think you're trying to fatten me up." The raven haired intern said, trembling.

Miranda lay, butt naked, fuzzy pussy out, fat thighs ontop of each other, posed like one of Jack's French girls. A stack of burgers in front of her, wearing a big black lacy bra, without her suit to compress it down, her fat tummy was tumming fattily like a bag of shake mix pooling against her desk. Her fat butt so massive, her hip rose several inches higher than her shoulder just laying on her side.

Miranda looked genuinely stupefied.

"...yeah?"

"Y-you admit it!" Elise the intern gasped. The earth born indian lass stared mouth agape. "Th-this is sexual harassment Ms. Lawson! I'll have to take this up with H.R. department!"

Miranda frowned. The Hog Retention department?

"I...I'm sorry," Miranda began slowly throwing one plush thigh over the other to hide her fat pussy from view. Sensing there had been some confusion. "What position did you think you were applying for exactly?"

"I wanted to be your intern." Elise said "You're a great and powerful woman, you run a company that spans the galaxy, you're a role model to many. I just...I thought I could be your assistant. But all you've had me do is fetch you coffee and take lunch breaks! How many lunch breaks do you think I need?"

Miranda gave them a once over. Estimating her intern was about 118 pounds. She figured at least 5 to start, if she was gonna put any kind of meat on those bones. They'd work their way up to 7 or 8.

Miranda shifted her meaty legs, frowning. Not looking at her new assistant as she grunted and sat up. Her big butt making her desk creak dangerously.

"What do you think we do here?" Miranda asked finally.

"Um...tech.. stuff?" Elise said mousily.

Miranda rose, butt naked, not bothering to put anything on, she crooked a finger, gesturing Elise to follow her.

Miranda opened the door to her office and Elise took a spot peering just over her shoulder.

Miranda waddled her way down the empty hall past Elise's desk and a very battered desk chair that had seen way too many plump assistants in its time and was another 200 pound fatty away from being sent to the great office depot in the sky.

They reached the end of the hall, and stepped out onto the balcony where Miranda stood in all her nude chubby glory staring down at the Great post reaper War Cerberus machine.

Elise stood beside her boss.

"What do you see?" Miranda asked quietly. Trying to break this to her intern gently.

Elise squinted. Free soda and snack machines every 5 feet. Workers chowing down at their stations. Fat waddling asses, huge bellies busting out of skin tight suits.

Everywhere, big and small, Human, Asari, Quarian, Tourian...everyone was eating in varying stages of fatness.

Elise eyed up her boss, and her dimpled cellulite padded ass. Elise glanced back at Miranda's tattooed body guard. Sitting looking 8 months pregnant with a beer gut in her lap, sucking down an ice coffee.

She thought about the freezer stocked with ice cream bars, her favorite flavor. She thought about the questionnaire, full of things like "do you enjoy feeding people" and "do you enjoy being fed" and "what is your most irresistible snack?" And "do you experience any cravings during your time of the month, or when you drink."

Elise thought about how odd it had seemed at the time that none of the interview questions had anything to do with any actual skills, or office experience. She'd simply answered anything honestly and checked "yes" on whatever they asked.

She thought about how frequent it was to see fat people making out and feeding each other in the break room, and the fact no one seemed to be punished for slacking off or taking breaks.

"Oh my God. People just sit around finding new ways to get each other fatter here!"

Miranda put a firm hand on Elise's bony shoulder, and winced a bit, Elise REALLY needed to fatten up a bit.

"Listen. It will be the easiest, best paying internship you ever have. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to. But for what its worth, we have the best STD treatments available. We have a kitchen that can cook you anything you want round the clock. Aaaaand." Miranda held up a finger like she was trying to get a dog's attention. "Jack is psychotic. She gives crazy girl head." Jack looked up from the asari porno mag she was thumbing through. "Hey!" Elise and Miranda turned to the fuming biotic. Jack's face slipped into a cool swagger. "I also eat amazing ass, and you should see what I can do with five cupcakes and a strap."

"Let me take you to lunch. Get you a bite to eat. You can think it over." Miranda said kindly. "I can feed you, right there in the food court, in front of everyone." Elise swallowed hard, and somewhere beneath the red flags, and sirens and urge to get out: Elise had an image. An image of herself, bursting out of her clothes, an image of herself spreading across the office floor, too fat to lift her arms, too heavy to stand up, her head propped up on a pillow of gut and tits, as Miranda lovingly spoon fed her a hot fudge sunday. The intern clenched her thighs and Miranda could hear her grinding her teeth. She didn't moan, but her eyes went from fierce and defensive to confused and a little eager. "Are you...are you going to put clothes on?" Elise asked, biting her lip. Miranda gathered up her new feedee's hair, eying up the slender woman, memorizing her fit face, and the hint of bones. This would be the last time She'd ever get to see this woman this thin again. She had to remember it when Elise was completely destroyed, fattened up beyond return, too dumb to do anything but beg Miranda to feed her, too busy to think about anything but the next meal and sex. "No." Miranda said finally. Then reached up and put a hand on Elise's Cerberus suit zipper, and tugged. "You don't want to either, do you?" Elise whimpered, and buckled a little clenching her thighs together and squishing her data pad against her chest. "N-No Ma'am." Elise mumbled. "You're going to eat everything I tell you to at lunch. Get a real good idea of what I expect from my employees, aren't you?" "Yes Ma'am." "Look at me. Be honest. Honest with yourself. You want me to feed you don't you?" "Y-Yes Ma'am." Elise whined. "You're gonna get nice and fat for me today, then we're going to squeeze you back into your little skinny girl jumpsuit and watch you waddle around the office taking my calls and apointments with a big full belly, aren't you?" Elise crumbled to her knees, and without thinking began to kiss Miranda's belly. Muttering "Yes ma'am" over and over. Miranda wasn't even asking anymore questions. Elise was just begging her to feed her. Miranda always did extensive extra-net history searches on all her new hires for "security" reasons. Miranda knew what Elise was before she even set foot in here. Poor thing never stood a chance. Just another blob in the making. "Good Girl." Miranda whispered. Petting Elise's soft black hair. "Lets go fatten you up a bit."

[poptimus-prime]

Try this one on for size, assuming they could eat and drink human food. What food/drink would be their favorite and least favorite? Talking about the bots of course but feel free to include the humans too (canon and your ocs if you want!)

Ooh, this one is fun, and I went nuts with it. Reference to this post about McDonald's Sprite.

It's really long, so below the cut.

Autobots (Just doing them bc I was thinking about them. If anyone wants Cons, please send an ask and I will do them)

I think Optimus has a buck wild sweet tooth and would especially like chocolates flavored things (pastries with the tea he's constantly drinking, naturally.) He would also hate cold meat, even if it was meant to be eaten cold.

Ratchet would prefer bottled juices and smoothies because they have that Super Smooth Texture, and he has all the sensory issues (hashtag projection.) He will willingly eat other foods but won't be too chuffed about it.

Arcee probably loves chili and is one of the team's spicy people. She doesn't strike me as especially picky. She'll eat anything she can get her hands on, but she's not a fan of cottage cheese. If there's an alternative, she'd prefer that, thank you.

Bumblebee probably likes softer foods because of how messed up his throat might be. Applesauce, yogurt, ice cream, things like that. Anything especially sour, salty, or spicy is a turn-off, but he actually really likes bitter things.

Bulkhead is a pot roast guy. I don't make the rules. He'd also really like barbecued foods because of the charred taste. He doesn't strike me as a guy that likes tomato-based pasta sauces, though. Pesto is clearly the superior one.

Wheeljack eats the spiciest things he can get his hands on and looks the devil in the eye while he does it. He hates coffee served any other way than black or two creams and two sugars. How he has not wrecked his digestive tract is beyond everyone.

Smokescreen likes buttered rice and chicken with barbeque sauce. He will eat a vegetable if you demand it, but he'd prefer not to. He doesn't like soda but has a Monster Energy can collection.

Ultra Magnus is a sandwich and steamed buns guy. Anything he can easily hold with one hand while he's going over documents. This being said, he's not a huge fan of milk in his cereal (or milk, period.) He'll eat it dry, thanks.

Humans

Raf likes soups of all kinds. Even better if they don't have any chunks of meat or vegetables so he can sip it from a mug while he's working. He's still a relatively young kid, so some foods are still way too bitter for him, like radishes and Brussels sprouts.

Miko loves crunchy foods. Chips, crackers, that kind of thing. She probably prefers golden curry when she's feeling homesick. She hates peanut butter because it tastes funny to her and gets stuck in her mouth.

Jack actually does like tofu, especially with broccoli and garlic. He's the kind of person who looks for a lot of textural variety in what he eats. He's sick and tired of KO burgers, but he doesn't turn it down if he's offered free meals as a work perk.

Fowler really likes stews with bread, which works out for him because most stews are very crock-pot friendly, so he does not have to cook after a long day of dealing with the bots' bullshit and putting out fires. He hates sour gummy worms. He bought them once on accident and was so disappointed.

June absolutely puts potato chips in her sandwiches at lunch and drinks iced coffee every morning. She's not strictly a vegetarian, but as she gets older, she finds herself eating less and less meat. She REALLY does not like eggs.

Bonus: OCs

Stormy really likes a hot bowl of rice and beans or cooked vegetables. They are also team "not technically a vegetarian but doesn't eat a lot of meat." They refuse to drink coffee unless it's grossly oversweetened.

Olivia loves making and eating pierogi (her favorite fillings are potato and cheese or cabbage and mushroom, depending on her mood.) She hates cranberry juice and hard-boiled eggs, don't even try it with her.

Carbon Copy would really like fish and rice. Just like a hot piece of cooked salmon flaked and mixed up with rice. They would also hate yogurt, especially ones with weird flavors like cotton candy.

Urgency would be obsessed with pineapple and ham pizza and salted watermelon, much to the potential dismay of people around her. However, she would hate watermelon juice and watermelon-flavored candies.

Horseradish would gnaw on Milkbones because they Taste, but her favorite food would be bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwiches. She would try horseradish because it's her namesake, and HATE it.

[jackandthesoulmates]

soaked

Author: jackandthesoulmates / tintentrinkerin

Title: soaked

Created for @winklinebingo , @spnkinkbingo

Squares filled: name calling (spnkinkbingo), free space: Watersports (winklinebingo)

Pairing: Winkline (Samjack)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, bdsm themes

Additional tags: Watersports, Degradation, Humiliation, Misogynistic Slurs, Sub!Jack, Brat!Jack, Dom!Sam

Word count: 2,049

Many things that Jack and Sam do in the sheets are a result of them fooling around. Jokes. Giggles, “have you ever?”s. Sam is the one with the experience of course, but Jack is the one with the imagination going places that even Sam didn’t know so far. 

First, it was Jack who loved gagging on Sam’s cock, crying and gasping while looking up and so endlessly desperate for Sam’s praise. It was tiny little things of Sam humiliating Jack, letting him go out without underwear in a skirt. Dinner in a fancy restaurant and a vibrator egg deep in Jack’s ass, remote control in Sam’s pockets. 

And oh dear, Jack wants so much more. He wants to be spat at, insulted, belittled, being bossed around, cock squeezed in a cage. It’s a lot and sometimes Sam wonders, where all these kinks come from. He’s barely four years on this earth, there was no man or woman before Sam and there’s nothing Jack likes about porn. He doesn’t even read books with overly sexual content. It’s not that Sam is complaining about any of it, no no. He loves it. He loves kinky, submissive, filthy Jack. He loves how pliant Jack becomes after punishment and how hard and loud he comes from just his prostate massaged. Sam is by no means a sadist, he wouldn’t say that. He’s just turned on by Jack, by how much he enjoys himself being beaten and bruised, choked and flogged. There were things even Sam wouldn’t try on Jack even if he begged for it. 

Actually, Sam always thought he wouldn’t be into watersports. He doesn’t get behind the appeal of being pissed on, drinking some other person’s urine. 

But now Jack mentioned it, they’re in the library, Sam has a whiskey, Jack is good with anything soda, as long as it rots his human teeth (which doesn’t bother him at all, he’s half angel, he heals in no time. If he wants to).

Sam looks closely at Jack, eyes narrowed.

“Is that a request?”, he asks sheepishly.

Jack leans forward and gives him an innocent puppy eyes kind of look that means exactly the opposite. 

“Maybe?”, he says, “maybe not…”

It’s his game and Sam knows it. There will be if’s and maybe’s and teasing and pleading in the end. There’s a secret signal. Not a safeword. A safeword use ends a scene. Their secret signal starts it. Sam waits.

There’s a blink, a short drawing of breath. 

“I bet you don’t dare to piss on me, old man.”

“I bet you will regret saying that.”

They stare at each other. Sam is fast, his hunter reflexes are strong, even now when he and Dean have retired. He’s out of his chair and on Jack’s throat in a matter of less than a second. His hand grips in Jack’s hair. He winces but looks up at Sam with his bratty glare now. 

There it is, “I bet you don’t dare”.

Jack lost all of these bets so far and he knows it very well. It’s the signal, the act of consent. He wants Sam to do it and Sam will. He drags Jack on his hair along the library. Jack whines and laughs in an eerie mix that shows the arousal, the thrill, and the triumph even if Sam rips out some hair at the root. The next bathroom is the one that sued to be Castiel’s along the hall. There are still towels, functioning water tabs, and a bathtub. Sam turns around and forces Jack on his knees.

“You want to be pissed on, you filthy little slut? You don’t even deserve my body’s waste!”

Jack looks up, eyes tearing up and red already, one fist pressed against his lips, the other one tries to loosens Sam’s grip on his hair. Sam crouches in front of him, the look on his face is warm and kind, but the fist in Jack’s hair tightens and he tilts Jack’s head back. For a moment they stare at each other again. There it is. Jack’s jubilant smirk. Sam lets go of Jack’s hair, finally and slaps Jack right across his cheek. The slap isn’t that bad, not meant to hurt the boy, but to humiliate him. Sam’s cock jumps in his jeans when he sees more tears in Jack’s eyes, now flowing over and running down his cheek. 

“You think you deserve a single drop of it, huh? Tell me.”

Jack bites his lip.

“I do.”

Another slap across his face. 

“Wrong answer. Try again.”

Jack stays silent. Sam knows it’s Jack testing him, Jack wants to be broken. Every single time Sam needs to break his will and his dignity, it needs to be humiliating and cruel for Jack to get off. This is no light spanking and “harder, daddy” scene. It’s not what he needs. 

Sam’s slaps now turn harder. He is strong, Jack knows it. Sam bruises him up easily, Jack’s skin uses to be all bright black and blue with yellow blow outs in sharp contrast to his pale, milkwhite skin.

The boy is sobbing now.

“You’re already my convenient little cum dumpster, it’s an honor I use your holes for that. Given the fact you’re still lousy at taking my cock.”

Jack nods with trembling lips. 

“I’m getting better”, he says, a little weak now. “It’s so big.”

“You’re damn right it is.”

Sam grants Jack a little relief, cups the angel’s face with his big hands, and brushes away the tears with his thumbs. 

“And I’m still so nice with you, right? I give you all of this in my generosity. All I ask for is an obedient little slut, with his holes ready at any time. Are you ready anytime? Are you obedient?”

Jack shakes his hand softly, sniffling and breathing soundly through his parted lips.

“No, I’m not. I’m not ready, your cock tears me apart, sir. And I’m a brat, sir. I don’t obey.”

The smile on Sam’s face is genuine. He likes it when Jack gives in. It’s fulfilling, satisfying. 

“That’s right, pet. That’s right. And now you even want my piss. What should I think of you now? You can’t take it. You will fail as you fail with everything. You gulp my precious cum, like you have to. It’s a gift, others would die to get a drop of it. I don’t think I should waste anything on you.”

His boy is crying for real now, sobbing and shaking. It’s always a sight, it’s like watching someone getting purged of all hope. Damn, it’s utter surrender. Sam attempts to get up and turn around, leave crying Jack here on the cold tiles. He could go, have another drink and wait for Jack to return to him like a beaten dog. Sometimes he likes that. Not giving in to Jack’s kinks. Deny him. Only to fuck him into oblivion afterwards. 

“Please, sir, please give me your piss… I’m begging you… please I will be good! I will take it like a good boy.”

His pleas make Sam’s heart jump and he turns around, looks down at the crying mess he created, and smirks. 

“Didn’t we agree that you’re a pathetic little shit? That you’re bratty and unable to handle me?” 

His voice is soft and wooing, laced in pity for Jack. 

“Yes, but I want to prove I can do better. Please please please, I need it!”

Sam gives in now.

“Get in the tub. Naked”, he orders. 

Jack obeys, undresses first, and climbs in, his legs are shaking and he needs to get a grip on the brink of the bathtub to not fall over. He’s clearly aroused too. Jack kneels down, his hands on his legs, palms open and ready to receive. Sam also doesn’t undress at all. It shows who’s in control. He unzips his pants and pulls out his cock. He’s somehow hard already, but not enough to prevent Sam from being able to pee. Jack gasps at the sight. It’s cute somehow because he never seems to get used to the sight. 

“Look me in the eyes, pet.”

His blue dazzling eyes look up at Sam, big and glassy. 

“Good. You really can’t wait to get pissed on, hmmm?”

“N-no, I can’t … I want it, sir.”

“Open your mouth.”

Jack first looks shocked but then parts his lips for Sam. 

“I said ‘open your mouth’. Wider.”

Oh, how sweet he trembles. He obeys again, mouth wide open and his tongue sticking out. Like he has to do when Sam cums in his face. What a beautiful sight he is. So innocent and yet so depraved. Sam rubs his cock a little, he’s nervous about it, it’s new. It’s unexplored. Completely foreign territory. Something he can’t show to Jack now. Jack trusts him and that’s what matters now. It takes him some effort to relax. Truly relax. Release the tension from his muscles, from his jaw, his arms, and let go. The first spurt of piss hits Jack’s chest. He moans in surprise, but doesn’t look away from Sam’s face, keeps his mouth open. 

“How does it feel? Being pissed on? Tell me, pet.”

Jack does his best to keep eye contact, even when Sam’s piss is running down his chest now, leaving glistening trails on his white skin. Some drops make it down to his belly button and even his cock. Jack’s erection is massive, twitching and leaking precum. 

“It’s humiliating, sir”, he says in a thin voice, “I feel dirty.”

“Good. Very good. You deserve to feel dirty.”

Sam bites his lip while another spurt hits Jack’s throat and gets caught in the strands of his blonde hair. 

“Open your mouth.”

Jack obeys. Sam’s piss now splashes against Jack’s chin and his mouth. He comes closer to aim better at Jack’s mouth and tongue. It visible Jack wants to retch, the smell and taste must be a lot, but he stays focused, receiving Sam’s piss.

“Touch yourself.”

Jack moans quietly and squeezes his eyes shut, but he starts jerking while urine is flowing all over his chest and stomach. Even his hand and cock get covered and soaked in piss. It really turns him on, because he starts squirming and moaning in a manner Sam never heard before. He doesn’t have much left, Sam needs to hurry. He covers Jack’s forehead in piss, wets his hair. Then the flow stops and Jack whines.

“Can I cum?”, he asks, gulping down a bit of Sam’s gift.

“Yes.”

“Thank you, sir…”, Jack cries. 

His movements get frantic almost, he thrusts in his fist, eyes still shut and his whole body trembling. 

“Say ‘thank you, sir, for giving me your piss’.”

“Oh, God… Thank you, sir, for giving me your piss…”

A few more powerful thrusts and Jack spills his cum over his legs. He moans in pleasure, his eyes shine in a slight golden light as it happens sometimes when he loses control. The sight makes Sam hard as a rock. When Jack slowly calms down, he breathes deeply and his head falls back. The smile is back. 

“Good boy”, Sam praises. 

He gets out of his clothes now. Needs relief. 

Jack is used to it being fucked raw, he loves it, as he assures Sam over and over. It’s the stretch, the pain and the feeling of Sam’s cum filling him up. And as a reward for being so obedient, Sam even grants him to rinse off the piss first. 

It’s their ritual to take a bath afterwards. Jack loves bubbles. Jack always gets bubbles. 

In Sam’s arms he relaxes and raves of the experience. Sam kisses Jack’s neck.

“I’m glad you liked it. For a second I thought you wouldn’t want it to get that far.”

Jack laughs and turns around to kiss Sam’s lips. He doesn’t taste of urine, something Sam is secretly happy about. He loves humiliating and degrading Jack, but he would never like it done to himself.

“Don’t be silly, Sam. I loved it. It was perfect.”

Jack looks at Sam in pure adoration and Sam leans in another kiss, happy to have given his boyfriend something that satisfied him deeply. 

Sam would shower Jack in all the love he could give.

[6knotty6thotty6]

PSAs in Kid’s Shows Are Terrible, and This Is Why

YouTuber TheMysteriousMrEnter recently made a video criticizing PSAs in kid’s cartoons. They like to tackle some serious topics such as climate change, voting, COVID-19, and racism. The problem is these PSAs were either painfully one-sided, had terrible writing, no entertaining ( which is the point of a cartoon aimed at kids), taught kids the wrong lesson, or were just not the right cartoon to discuss the issue. Who honestly thought it was a good idea to have Arthur, a cartoon where all the characters are animals, talk about racism towards black people?

I'm more surprised that there hasn't been a modern cartoon PSA about body positivity. The whole body positivity/body acceptance movement is a joke because all of the most prominent advocates are terrible. Lizzo, Amy Schumer, and Rebel Wilson think it's cute to be as loud and obnoxious as possible and insult skinny women. While also being fuel for people who claim that the movement is nothing but "fat acceptance" or "promoting an "unhealthy lifestyle." The beauty gurus and fitness enthusiasts are hypocrites since they admit that beauty standards are unfair, while still being gatekeepy since they still fit the standard and want to benefit from pretty privilege. They also say things like, "Stop saying all bodies are beautiful!" "Not everyone can be beautiful (like me), but that's ok." "Looks do matter in relationships because humans are visual creatures." In addition to promoting appetite suppressants, plastic surgery, and restrictive diets you'd have to be a thousandaire to follow. They want their cake and eat it too. Then we have makeup and fashion companies trying to earn brownie points for using plus-sized, dark-skinned, and older models. Even though those "plus-sized" models are a size medium at most, and the others still uphold all the other beauty standard (no wrinkle, no stretch marks, no cellulite, no pimples, no body hair, full volume hair, straight pearly white teeth, firm skin, high pitch voice, and between 5'7 - 6'1). Kids in general have a terrible reputation with using body-shaming as a joke. One of the most common tropes in cartoons is the abhorrent admirer. A trope that literally mocks “ugly” and fat people for being in love with someone that is “out of their league.”

P.S. This also brings up an issue with health PSAs. In my opinion, they were the corniest and most ignorant out of all the other PSAs. They basically followed the "Supersize Me" formula of putting all the blame on children for their poor diet. Here's the problem, children can't control what they eat. That's their parent's job. Parents are the ones who make the money, buy the food, and do all the cooking. If a kid told their parents to feed them healthier food, they'd either get yelled at for being an ungrateful brat, punished, or starve. This is why "finish your plate or starve" tends to cause eating disorders and obesity in kids. The harsh truth is parents hate being told how to raise their kids. It's the main reason why so many parents protested Michelle Obama and Jamie Oliver for changing the school's lunch menus. There's also the fact that health PSAs refuse to address that the leading causes of obesity are economic disparity and the predatory promotion of fast food and junk companies. Poor neighborhoods contain lots of fast-food restaurants, those restaurants have deals such as $5 meals and $1 menus, grocery store shave better discounts on chips and soda than meat and vegetables, and most poor neighborhoods are in food deserts, which means there aren't any grocery stores within 20 miles. According to those health PSAs, If a poor single-parent feeds their kids McDonald's, then it's their fault. Not their boss who forces them to work overtime every day with little pay; which makes them too exhausted to cook, and not be able to fill up their car and drive to the grocery store that's over 30 miles from where they live. Not the McDonalds who prides themselves on their cheap and unhealthy food (even their salads have been proven to contain sugar). Not the grocery stores that jack up the prices on fresh and organic produce while having a buy 1 get 1 free sale on candy bars. Nope, it's all the parent's fault. The people who make those PSAs are the same people who think homeless people chose to be homeless and that spikes and anti-homeless public benches are a good idea. 

P.S.S. A great example of counterintuitive anti-racist sentiments is color-blind casting. This is the reason why white people voice so many POC characters in cartoons, Cree Summer (a light-skinned bi-racial black woman) is the token voice of every black girl in the 90s and early 2000s cartoons, and why mono-racial POC voice actors have a harder time finding work.

[gracieiseverything]

Tiny neko jack x mark

Jacks POV

I found a nice home to live in, but it was in someone's walls. Here's the thing, I'm a Tiny and a Neko.

So basically my race is looked down upon, and I also have to live as a borrower now. Except I don't know how to borrow.

I'm sure I'll figure it out one way or another. I just hope I don't get caught, that would be really bad.

I haven't even seen who lives here yet, I head the door open and I looked out of my hole that was on the counter.

He was a human and he had a dog...... Great... He had tan skin, black hair ( rip red floof hair ) and brown eyes.

He walked over to where I was and I ducked back in and I heard him open the cabinet and pull something out.

He walked over to the sink and filled up a bowl of water and placed it in front of his dog. He then came back and grabbed a glass.

I walked back into the walls afraid incase he would see me, like I said I don't want to get caught.

And plus what if he mistakes me for something like a small mouse or something. I really don't want that.

Marks POV

I had gotten back from my jog with Chica and we both needed water so I went to go get a water bowl for her.

When I got to the cabinet I saw something duck into a hole in the wall. I didn't quite see what it looked like, but it almost liked like a tiny human mixed with something else.

I placed the bowl in front of Chica and she started lapping up the water. I walked back over and grabbed a glass so I could fill it up for me, and the thing was gone.

I drank and then went to my computer to search for tiny people. I got a bunch of Google results and almost all of them were saying bad things about them.

I ignored it and looked up what to do if you spot one in your house, all the results again were terrible. I found out that the correct term is borrower.

And apparently there are different types of borrowers, like;

Neko borrowers ( Cat )

Inu borrowers ( Dog )

There were also weird bird hybrids called Harpies or harpys

And so much more,

I honestly was fine with... I don't want to assume their gender so,  her/him living here. But I really want to see her/him and what type of borrower they are.

I recorded a video for YouTube and then walked into the kitchen to get food.

Jacks POV

He has been in his room for a while now and I thought now would be a good time to see if I could get some food.

But of course as soon as I get out of my hole and was in the middle of the counter and in plain sight, he opened his door and walked out.

I hid behind the toaster as he walked into the kitchen, of course I didn't notice that my tail was sticking out a little from behind the toaster.

The toaster moved and I turned around, because my back was against the toaster.

I started backing away and I didn't realize how giant he was until he was up close.

He had curiosity in his eyes which might I add is never good, I bumped into the wall and started hyperventilating afraid if he was going to do something or not.

Marks POV

He was so cute, he was a Neko borrower and had green cat ears and green tail. He also had nice crystal blue eyes.

He looked absolutely terrified of me though, he bumped into the wall behind him and started hyperventilating.

I gently picked him up by his torso and put him in my palm and he instantly started backpedaling.

I curled my fingers so he wouldn't fall off, and we just stared at each other.

At this point I don't know what to do because the Internet gave me shitty answers. I'm going to hurt him and I want to protect him.

He started going limp and I silently started panicking because I didn't know if he was passing out or not.

I laid him down in my palm and put my finger his chest and luckily there was still a heart beat.

I took a little piece of paper towel and dampened it and placed it across his forehead, hoping it would help at least a little.

I didn't know if he was hungry or thirsty or whatever but I need to help him. I took out a bottle cap from the top of a soda bottle.

I washed it, and filled it with milk because I know cats like milk. I didn't know what to do for food so I just cut some fruit.

Jacks POV

I had passed out due to fear and when I woke up there was something cold and wet on my forehead. I took it off and it was piece of paper towel.

I looked over to the human and he was doing something, he turned around and saw that I was awake and came over to me.

I started backing up again "Hey, hey, hey. It's ok I won't hurt you... I didn't know if you ere hungry or thirsty, but I made stuff anyways."

He placed it in front of me and backed away to give me space. He had placed a bottle cap full of milk and some fruit.

I drank the milk right down and ate the fruit, hey I'll take what I can get. But he said he wasn't going to hurt me, but what if he does?

He hasn't yet, there's no reason to to leave. I mean I just got a free meal, so I'm not going to complain.

I don't know why he's being nice to me though, people don't like us. They kill us, not feed, or help us.

"H~ hey, why are you being nice to me?" "Because it's called the right thing to do?" He said sort of hesitantly.

"C~ can I live here with you?" I really like this guy even though we don't know each others names yet.

"I'm Jack" I said.

"I'm Mark".

[celmation-gibson]

Hello, Well 2018 was a Great time for Cinemas, and what a Year for such Creature Features such as the ones I will be reviewing here, and now may I present to you some reviews of the movies that I've observed on the Big Screen that year.

Pacific Rim: Uprising – My First movie to see in Theaters since I couldn’t find a Perfect time to see Aardman’s ‘Early Man’, but I’m pretty sure this Year would be a Monster of a Movie experience in the Cinemas. Since I’ve have and Watched the First film on DVD, I would think that I should enjoy its Sequel that has been made, and even though Mr. Guillermo Del Toro (the first film’s Director) didn’t direct this Film, he Helped Produce it as well. And as I said before, I do Love a Good Giant monster film, and this film was always filled with Suspense, Action, & Drama, and I would Fear that there won’t be any Hope left if those Giant Monsters win. Also it breaks my Heart wide Open to see a Character who I say and Liked in the First film died in this one. And that one Villainous Character is sure a Wicked Dick (*pardon my Language*) about this one being Possessed by a Kaiju Masterminded Brain. And surprising how that Rouge Jaeger was controlled by a Kaiju Brain, Hit him once & he’ll hit you back Twice as Hard. But I’m glad the heroes win in this Battle, and it took near the Tail end of the Film for the Movie’s Title to appear, unlike the First one where you wait 15-20 minutes for the Main Title to appear in a longest prologue, but for Me, I would almost stick with the Original Film.

Rampage – As I said before, I do Love a Good Giant monster Movie, and this is one of them. And it was a God-Epic monster Mash, even had some hilarious Moments, like when George flips the Bird, and I was like “Did that Primate just flip a Bird?”, though I do know another Ape who can Flip a Bird. And not to mention that the movie is actually based off an Old Arcade game of the same name, and if you Look very closely in the Office Building of Energyne, there are Arcade Cabinets of the Original ‘Rampage’ game, and ‘Rampage: World Tour(?), though I’m not quite sure what the other one is. And the monsters are Hardcore Badass, I don’t know which one(s) are Great (though I pick all of them), and for Bonus, there was another Creature in the Beginning of this Film that was a Rat Test subject. And the Sequence where they hunt the Giant Wolf Down was Awesome and it gave me Goosebumps completely. Plus some Good Elements from the Game is Included as Well, such as Eating People, Tearing down a Building from top to bottom, the military being involved, and Destruction of the monsters themselves. Even when me and my Dad were watching it in the Theaters, and when Dad watched the Commercials for the Film, one of his Favorite Quotes from the movie was “And of course the Wolf Flies”, LOL! And the Lizard Monster in the Film was so Massive & a “Pain in the Ass”, there was no End in that Creature, even when you plant an Explosion in his Ears & throw Missiles at him, he gets back up again, and I thought the Impalement on George would have Killed him Completely, but it was just thru his Shoulders and Thank goodness not the Heart Area or Between the Chests. But still, this film was an Epic Fun Thrillride, the characters are Great & Fun-filled, and I guaranteed this Year would be a Monster Movie Experience in the Theaters.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Well, me and my Dad seen the first 'Jurassic World' in Theaters back in 2015, so we figured since we love Dinosaur movies, we go this this latest update, and to our Surprise, Original Jurassic Park star Mr. Jeff Goldblum (the big Chill, the Fly(1986)) will be starring in Guest Role, and it was a Surprise seeing him in a Honda(?) commercial to promote the Film. And That my Foodtown was already selling products, even sodas & Chips in Promoting the Features, and it featured some of my Favorite Dinosaurs in the Film such as the Classic T-Rex, and boy was that Opening Scene in the Pouring Rain so Intense, the Surviving Raptor of the Original JW film Blue, who is one of my Favorite 'Good Guy' Raptors, the Comical Dino Hard-head Stiggy, who I find entertaining & Funny in the Movie, and My Favorite Villainous Dinosaur, the IndoRaptor, and if you think the Indomenous Rex in 'Jurassic World' was Terrifying, this IndoRaptor is one Badass Creep, even when she(?) smiles while playing Dead while one of the Soldier guys was about to Chip a Tooth off her, kinda gives it like a Cartoon-y feel to it like the minor ones in 'the Adventures of Pinocchio'(1996). And that Epic moment where the Island was in Volcanic Eruption was so Frantic, even one scene in the Film was shot in One single Lengthy shot during those Round Vehicle Thingies, an I thought the Part where one of the Brachiosaurus was Left behind on the Island while Massive smoke was covering him was the most Disturbed sequences in the Film. Well i certainly enjoyed the film, while my Daddy didn't, cuz he thought there wasn't much action or creature footage in the film, as he thought there was more of some "Love Stories" being put into it, that's why he might like 'Rampage' more, where they showed some monsters earlier in the film, but you might say that some Critics praised Pratt's and Howard's performance, Bayona's direction, the visuals, Michael Giacchino's score and the "surprisingly dark moments", while others suggested the series had run its course, criticizing the screenplay and lack of innovation.

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation - Well, Mr. Genndy Tartakovsky Never Fails to impress us with this Three-times Charmer, and how Lucky was I to reserve a Seating to see this on my Birthday of 2018, after a Good Morning at the Meadowlands flea Market, and a goof Lunch at Taco Bell, I hit the Theaters with my Dad, and the Movie was Fantastic, and since Mr. Genndy Tartakovsky Co-written this Film (along with one of the 'Austin Powers' writer), I know what some Moments in the Film, there are certain scenes that are free of Dialogue, just like the ones in 'Samurai Jack'. And it was a-bit strange to see a Character from one the 'Hotel Transylvania' shorts that I've never seen, and that short was "Puppy", but in order to watch the short (even for myself), I have to watch that Gross-out 'Emoji movie' for it. But for HT3, the Climatic part of the DJ Battle with Professor Van Helsing (Drac's old Nemesis, and was surprise to see him still Alive in Machine parts) & the Kraken was Awesome, I didn't remember the first Official song played, but I do know the second being 'Don't Worry, be Happy', and the Final one was none other than the 'Macarena' and supposedly it's the Extended River remix version of the song which I have on my I-Tunes and have no regret in Purchasing it, along with Daft Punk's 'One More Time'. So I like the Film and can't wait to get it for Christmas, along with 'Rampage' this Year. And I even heard that Genndy will be working more at SPA where he will be set to Direct an R-rated animated feature titled 'Fixed', and an Adventure Film named 'Black Knight'.

Smallfoot - When I saw some Preview ads on CartoonBrew, I thought this looks kinda Weird and thought I'd just pass on it, but after seeing some TV Ads for the film, and seeing how interesting it looks, I thought I'd give it a shot, and kinda find the movie very Interesting if you wanna feel Young at Heart, and was Lucky to see it on Columbus Day, the only Actor(s) in the Cast i know were comedian Danny Devito & Basketball superstar Lebron James, and to my surprise seeing the closing credit of the film that Cartoonist Justin Roiland voiced in the film as well as one of the Yeti folks in the Kingdom, and I only know the names Common & Gina Rodriguez starring in the film. And the Music and songs in the Film are Nice, and I like how some Advance the Characters or Advance the plot, and it was Hilarious hearing one Song being sung in the tune of Queen/David Bowie's 'Under Pressure', and since Common is a Rapper in real-life, he did a Good Singing on when the Stonekeeper himself tells Migo that Humans & Yetis were Enemies in the old ages. And the other reasone I like watching this film is that I'm also Fascinated with Yetis and Drawing them, as you can see from my old 'YETI & other Stories' story in my Gallery, and one of my Yeti inspirations was the old Unfinished/soon-to-be-Finished David Allen film 'the Primevals'. And don't forget that the SF film was inspired by a book called 'Yeti Tracks', which is a good thing that some Films were based on Books such as 'Mr. Popper's Penguins', 'Home', & 'the Adventures of Pinocchio(1996)'. And I like how the Film was promoted "from the Studio who brought you 'Looney Tunes'" in which case, it is made by Warner Bros., and also the people who worked on 'Storks', and this film now made me think of two Environmental Animated films from 20th century Fox such as 'Ferngully: the Last Rainforest' & 'Once upon a Forest'.

Halloween(2018) - I never even heard that the Original 1978 classic is getting a Remake, although It may not look like a remake, but a True sequel to the Original film, and avoiding stuff on what happened in 'Halloween II(1981)', 'Halloween 4 -Curse', & 'H20'. And I read that the original star Ms. Jamie Lee Curtis will be in this Film, as well as being executive producer for the feature along with the Original 1978 Film's Director Mr. John Carpenter, as in they want to make it look Perfect as the original Monsterpiece, and they did succeed in it in Keeping the Spirit & Atmosphere like the 1978 movie. And I gotta say, Micheal Myers is one 'Pain-in-the-Ass' monster in this Film, like he always is in the original series, and I feel sorry for the People who got killed by that Creep, the Podcasters, the Boy who was equipped with a Gun along with his daddy, and a Woman who Micheal murdered and left a Baby behind. And an amazing thing my dad found in a Twist of Story is when Micheal got hit by the Sheriff, the Sheriff and the Late Dr. Loomis' student professor went out to investigate and kill Micheal, only for the Sheriff to be killed by the Professor, and when the Professor dude wore Micheal's mask, my dad thought that he was gonna be the New Micheal Myers, but Micheal resurfaced and soon killed the Professor afterwards. And one part in the Film which left the Audience in an applause is a Sequence that was based off the Original film, when Micheal attacked Laurie and pushed her off the Balcony, he saw her Body Lying there, but when Micheal turned away and looked back again, she was gone, just like what happened in the 1978's film ending. even after watching this film with my dad, he still had alot of Questions need to be Answered about some parts in the film, and I wish they showed more of the Ending with Micheal being Burned alive in the Cellar. And this may be one Creepy Classic that i might never watch again, but I just stick with the original Masterpiece of Fright & Shock.

the Grinch - Man, I am seeing alot of Good films in 2018, and this one may be the Last that interest me that Year, and this one was an Adaption of Dr. Suess' Classic Holiday Tale, 'How the Grinch stole Christmas', or simply titled 'the Grinch'. And seeing how Interesting it looks after seeing some Previews and TV Ads, especially that part where the Grinch whispers to Max and Fred "This is the Loudest Snow I've ever heard in my Life", I've decided to give it a Go, and hoping to see if it's Fascinating like the Original 1966 Animated Classic and more Better than the 2000 Live-Action Jim Carrey one, and it was. How lucky i was to see this movie on a Day off afternoon on a Wednesday, and I thought i would be the only one seeing the Film in Theaters, but it was also some Girls and their Parents & Guardians, possibly had a Half a day off. But for the Film, I Loved how the Narrator of the Film narrates in Rhyme, like the Original Dr. Suess books, and how the Writers improvised the Story using the same Lines in the Books, and It had a Great choices in Christmas soundtrack, especially in the part with Grinch Wake-up Radio with some Familiar tunes I know and Cherished. And it was a Great Film produced by the Wonders of Illumination, the Wizards behind 'Despicable me', 'the Secret Life of Pets', & 'Sing', plus they did another Dr. Sues adaption such as 'the Lorax', even some of the character designs in the film made me think of the Designs from Disney features such as 'Wreck-It Ralph' & 'Monster University'. And some of the Voice Cast in the film I know of was Keenan Thompson of 'All That' & 'Keenan & Kel' voicing Bricklebaum, a jolly citizen of Whoville, and Angela Lansbury as the Whoville's Mayor, and how Surprised/Not Surprised to hear another Familiar Voice in the Film playing one of Cindy Lou's Friends, who that boy is none other than Mr. Sam Lavagnino, the Voice of Baby Grizz in 'We Bare Bears' & Pepper and Alien King in 'Summer Camp Island'. And I'd thought Ms. Cindy Lou Who would have a cute design just like the one in the 1966 Classic, and she did have a Cuter design in this Film when it comes to the Creative Artists of Illumination. And Yet, this has become another Holiday Classic, and when I told my Mother how much Fun it is, she might be hoping to get the Film on DVD for my Niece to Enjoy.

There was a Movie called 'the Meg', though I may have interest to see that, but I wasn't sure how much interested I will be with the Whole thing. And sorry if I didn't felt like seeing 'Ralph breaks the Internet' or 'Into the Spider-Verse', I go for the Obscure & Non-Disney taste in the Cinemas as of now.

[thegayfromrulid]

Frkm 1 allll the way to 99. Also, the next SAO game eugeo lives as a sword and not die (thank GOD)

@2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars- I will not eat lollipops. 

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Cotton candy! I actually get super bad headaches from bubblegum.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Probably lonely genius...

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Soda bottles!! I feel so fancy!! And old-timey.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

I guess tomboy even though I’m a boy??

7. earbuds or headphones?

Aren’t these the same thing? I think I prefer over-ear headphones, but I don’t really like either. 

8. movies or tv shows?

Depends on the genre I guess. But as a main rule, live action- movies, animated- TV shows.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Potato salad.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Frankly, I wasn’t good, but I was really good at pissing all the jocks off-

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

I make myself these homemade egg mcmuffins. I enjoy them a lot. I am very picky about breakfast.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I only have one and it’s very generic: The Gay From Rulid’s Playlist. Yes it’s on Spotify. Yes, it’s 99% anime openings and endings and maybe Bet On It from HSM2. Be ashamed of me. Go on.

13. lanyard or key ring?

Lanyard! Mine is a BNHA one I bought from an artist at Nekocon!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Either Sweet Tarts or Nerds. 

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

I usually have one leg tucked up under me and the other stretched out.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

A black and white pair of Skechers. They look like shit. They almost never are replaced by another shoe. Not even in the gross muggy heat.

18. ideal weather?

When it’s just warm enough to wear a t-shirt and sit in the sunshine, but cool enough that I’m not hot, and a little breeze is going. I think of this weather quite often. 

19. sleeping position?

On my belly kinda spread out like a shounen protagonist.

21. obsession from childhood?

J.R.R. Tolkien. Have always been obsessed with him and his works. 

22. role model?

Redundant, but Tolkien again. Linguist and writer. Living my dream. 

23. strange habits?

I unplug things like microwaves, lamps, and TVs when I am done using them. Very little remains plugged in at my place. The modem, the fridge, and the clock. That is it.

24. favorite crystal?

Amethyst. It’s my sister’s middle name. And I especially like the purple ones.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Blue by Eiffel 65. I don’t know why that song sticks out so much in my memory but it’s nostalgic for me. Tiny AJ hyperfixated on this song before anything else ya’ll. 

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Curl up in the sun on a blanket and nap. 

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Hot cocoa blanket cuddles. 

28. five songs to describe you?

Uhhhh...I’m not very musically literate. Let’s go with Born This Way (the first person I came out to sent me that song so it feels special!), I’m Free to Be Me by Jamie Grace, Praying by Kesha, Shake It Off by Taylor Swift ( @delicateeuphorias​ would you believe it xD), and right now thinking about someone dear to me who’s been gone See You Again is stuck in my brain.

30. places that you find sacred?

Arboretums or big botanical gardens where I can get lost in the plants for a moment and take in how pretty they all are. And old monuments/big things people of the past built. A lot of things were built by people with no rights/freedom and I think about them and how despite the fact that they had nothing, they made such a lasting impact on our world. 

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

*slips on my Owari no Seraph cosplay* I will kick ass in this sweet ass cape-

33. most used phrase in your phone?

My phone seems to think it’s “Kirito’s ass” and I want it to not think that.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

O-O-O-O’REILLYYYYYYYYYY’S...Autooo PARTS.

35. average time you fall asleep?

I’m an insomniac it could be 10 pm it could be 3 am who knows I sleep for an hour I’m up again...

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Fucking CAN I HAS CHEEZBURGR cats. 

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

This all boils down to how much I’m packing. Going for a sleepover? Duffel. Going to con? My giant suitcase with room for all the bells and whistles of cosplay.

38. lemonade or tea?

Tea!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Oh cruel I looooove lemon. The pie!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

In high school here- so, aside from me being the resident weirdo (I DID come to school dressed as the TARDIS), my senior class decided to squirt hundreds of bottles of chocolate syrup on the sidewalks. We were an open campus so it’s all in front of our classroom doors- we had no hallways. And then they. They fucking EGGED ALL THE DOORS. The whole campus smelled like...ick.

41. last person you texted?

My father and mother in a group text to cry about customers treating me poorly. 

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I prefer the jacket pockets because I still haven’t found a way to get men’s pants under the radar of my ever-watchful parents and women’s jeans pockets are SHITTY. Women gotta boycott this shit it is UNACCEPTABLE-

44. favorite scent for soap?

Peppermint...peppermint ^-^ I like to smell like...mint.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy!

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Recently I was reminded I live alone and my new favorite sleeping outfit...is...just some boxer shorts. Suck it dysphoria. Manly nightwear.

47. favorite type of cheese?

Pepper jack, Swiss, or ricotta. 

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Strawberry :3

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

I’m gonna sound so gay but when @disasterbikirito​ started laughing about a certain GIF and his laugh was so infectious I couldn’t help but laugh too. 

51. current stresses?

Are you shitting me it’s everything. Every. Single. Thing. I cannot breathe. I am having meltdowns. Someone fucking save me I cannot deal with COVID well.

52. favorite font?

Garamond for writing in my free time, Doulous SIL for all the linguistics IPA symbols my greedy heart desires. 

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Smooth but my fingertips have been gnawed on. I am stressed, okay?

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Gosh, lots of things. But the most important takeaway is that a good boss will genuinely care about you. I miss that man. He was so wonderful and so caring and taught me so much about theater. Technical things and artistic things and historical things. Sometimes I wish I could have made a career out of working under him. 

55. favorite fairy tale?

Beauty and the Beast (AH...AH...I SEE YOU ROLLING YOUR EYES BECAUSE I’M TRANS. I KNOW. I *KNOW*.)

56. favorite tradition?

It’s a family tradition kinda unique to my household. Each year, we draw a name from a hat, and that name comes with a lot of words that describe us and what we liked over that year. We then each take a $20 bill and we go to a little hobby shop with cheap things in it and use that $20 bill to fill a Christmas stocking. We then hang them back up and empty the stocking full of candies and random silly things and have a good laugh and guess who filled whose stocking. 

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

The first one is coming to terms with knowing my dad has a severe illness. It really shook my family up, and it’s terrifying us right now with everything going on, but after a while, I learned that he was smiling, so I could smile, too.

The second one is my mother coming back from her tour in the Middle East on top of the murder of my godmother. Two very stressful things happened at once. My mother got very violent from her PTSD and her best friend died in a horrible way. It was an adjustment for everyone, and it kind of ripped my family to pieces. I can say, though, that my parents are still married and are getting better, and my sister and I are coming back to the family to be more open and healthy.

The third, and maybe some of my followers are aware, was getting rid of my ex-fiance. He was a man who sexually assaulted me repeatedly and I won’t go into details beyond that. It took me 5 years to get rid of him and accept what happened, but I am a much happier person now and while I work through the trauma that caused me, I have the most wonderful partner by my side and if you had told me back then I’d find someone as kind and patient and loving as him, I would have laughed and thought you were insane. 

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Probably what I put on all my fanfic updates: “I know. I’m an asshole.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Some kind of shoujo romance but it’s bi also I want a sword.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

There was nothing more smartass than Alice Synthesis 30 in SAO 18 asking a reporter to open up his head and prove he was human I’m sorry like OOF-

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Get in losers, we’re playing Steppin’ Out by FLOW, Elle me dit by Mika, Blue by Eiffel 65, ADAMAS by LiSA, and Touch Off by UVERworld.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

I was on Webkinz more than I want to admit. 

65. any permanent scars?

Yup. I have one on my toe where I split the skin in half. I tripped. I have three surgical scars from when I had my appendix removed. And...the mystery scar. I was supposedly born with a scar it’s at the part where my foot meets my leg on my left side and you can see how it’s stretched over the years if you run your finger over it. The joke is that the doctor taking out my mom’s appendix scratched me in the womb. 

67. good luck charms?

Not really a charm but I do have a little Kirito keychain I carry everywhere I go that I fiddle with when I’m nervous.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Artificial bubblegum. Disgustiiiing.

70. left or right handed?

I am right-handed.

71. least favorite pattern?

Zig-zags. 

72. worst subject?

History...I am ashamed. It’s interesting, I just suck at it.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Gingerbread and marshmallow. I am a bit picky about mixing foods and flavors, so this was the weirdest I could think up. 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

Can you hear that? It’s my hysterical laughter. 12 on a scale of 10. I get up there pretty frequently. Thank you, chronic crippling pain. 

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I...I don’t remember...I don’t even remember...I think I had to be like what...kindergarten? 

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

THIS IS CRUEL I LOVE ALL POTATOS I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH-Au gratin.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Aloe!

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Coffee from a gas station. Mark my words...I will never get grocery store sushi. Ever. Again. My stomach has not forgotten. What a mistake. That was. 

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

So, my driver’s license hasn’t had an updated photo since I was 15 and just had a learner’s so I look like I want to murder a man but my school ID I had just run about a mile in the cold because the bus wasn’t running that day and my face is red and I look like I’m crying...probably the school ID...

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Jewel tones~~

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

I am from the South and we call ‘em lightnin’ bugs.

82. pc or console?

Errrrr console. I’m not a gamer by any means but there’s way fewer things to press on a console controller. 

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Neither...what...no...neither...they will put me to sleep...I will be out in seconds...the most dangerous things...people talking...and then I’m out...

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, she’s a LOT easier to dress. Those rubber clothes. SMH.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies but they gotta be the soft ones.

87. your greatest fear?

Being swallowed in the ocean. By a fish or a whale. I don’t play. Church kid don’t play with big things in the ocean with big mouths.

88. your greatest wish?

To make enough of a difference in someone’s life that they learn to love themself.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

Such a selfish thought...gosh...the mere thought of prioritizing someone troubles me. 

90. luckiest mistake?

Telling a cute guy sending me dog pictures was an excellent flirting technique as he sent me pictures of his puppy. I immediately thought “oh god I’ve fucked up bad” and at present we’re kinda head over heels for one another so maybe just be stupidly blunt once and a while you might find true love. 

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes. My cat didn’t force me to say that. Not at all. Sock, buddy, off the keyboard-

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight. I like the sun. The sun is my friend. It is warm and would never betray me.

93. nicknames?

Sister calls me “spoony” when she’s being ridiculous. No, I don’t know what that means. Mama calls me “cakes.” I had friends who called me “Deku” because I’m a crybaby. Had a few people DM me and straight up call me “Eugeo” or “Eug.” AJ is technically a nickname. 

94. favorite season?

Springtime!!!!! It’s...HERE!

95. favorite app on your phone?

I use like three apps...so Discord.

96. desktop background?

It’s. It’s Kirito and Eugeo. What did you expect.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

Mama’s, dad’s, mine, and my parents’ house number. And does the emergency 911 count (pahahaha). 

(I answered the others in delicateeuphoria’s ask!)

[thismoviefucks]

So I just finished watching the extended version of The Hateful Eight (orig. cut 2015/ext. cut 2019, dir. Quentin Tarantino) that's on Netflix. I haven't seen the original cut in some time, but I remember loving it. I really dig the slow-burn, mostly pretty quiet (until the end of the second act or so, at least) atmosphere of the picture, and the sparse but in my eyes perfectly cast dramatis personae really sold me on it.

So, right off the bat, pretty much everything I love about the original cut is magnified a bit in this extended cut.

First things first -- this is a long movie. This is a fucking time investment. 210 minutes (3 and a half hours), to be precise. That's not an easy ask of a filmmaker. I mean, the original was already a solid 3-ish hours, which is the upper bound of most casual filmgoers' cinematic attention span already. And then he goes and adds an extra 42 minutes of footage. But Netflix, being enterprising as they are, decided to cut into four 40-50 minute chapters to solve that problem, with a recap and a title sequence at the front and the full credits at the back.

This is the biggest of my grumbles with this movie, and to be honest I'm sure Quentin is probably not particularly stoked about it either: The way this is presented cheapens the experience by making it feel like it's The Stand or something. I'm admittedly something of an elitist dickface when it comes to the state of film as a medium. I think the experience of watching a movie should feel like you're, well, watching a movie. Quartering a finished movie into chunks with a fucking recap makes it feel instead, if only for a minute, that I'm watching some post-Game of Thrones event-show BS. That's just the way I feel about the presentation. I don't think it kills the movie by any means, just a gripe I have with what was undoubtedly a decision by Netflix (those known good idea havers, grumble grumble) that slightly cheapens the experience of this very grandiose, movie-ass movie.

Apart from that, though, it's all good news. Again, I haven't seen the original in a minute, but I didn't even really notice the extra footage (except a slightly overlong travel montage in the first chapter, and even with that dragging slightly it didn't feel like it didn't belong or anything). Apocalypse Now Redux this is not -- the footage that's here just adds to the atmosphere that was already there. This movie feels like a stage play at times, a very Chekhovian character study, but with strong underpinnings to Tarantino's well-established-by-now style. All the usual thumbprints are here: graphic violence, spaghetti Western influences, white dudes saying racial slurs (I get that this is the period it's set in, Quentin, but come on, dude), and the requisite amount of Quentin's very talented friends filling out the cast, along with some new faces which by and large absolutely kill it in this. Among the Tarantino regulars, we've got Kurt Russell having the absolute time of his life hamming it up as The Hangman, donning a vaguely John Wayne manner of speaking; we've got Tim Roth as a chipper Englishman; we've got Michael Madsen being quiet and suspicious; and we have Samuel L. "Motherfucking" Jackson as the de facto protagonist for most of the movie, a free black bounty hunter with a history of war crimes. And among the new faces, there's Jennifer Jason Leigh who really shines in the latter half of the movie after her character stops being a punching bag for Kurt Russell -- more on that later; we've got the legendary Bruce Dern as an old piece of shit Confederate general; there's Demián Bichir as a one-dimensional walking Mexican stereotype (which is a shame, because the man can act; watch Soderbergh's Che and you'll see him turn in a killer performance as Comrade Fidel himself) and there's Walton Goggins, a man with a funny name who has apparently been in multiple movies I've seen playing bit parts (including Tarantino's Django Unchained, apparently) as an upbeat and definitely racist ostensible-sheriff and once-upon-a-time loyal Confederate. That's the eight of the title, and with the exception of Bichir (who's doing the best he can with, uh, what he was given) they all turn in absolutely incredible performances. I'm talking these cats could all be nominated for Best Actor and it'd still be a competition.

So those two pins we put in earlier about the movie's, mmmm, not great aspects, let's revisit those quickly.

First off, Jennifer Jason Leigh's character. The first half of this movie is not kind to this woman. She gets fuck-all in the way of good writing, and is mostly a prop and an object for Kurt Russell's character to violently abuse until the guy gets offed in bloody fashion (as you do in a Tarantino picture), after which she turns into -- gasp! -- a real character, and a fucking good one too. So, okay, better writers than me have already written their piece about this problem. I feel like "maybe it's not great that Leigh exclusively gets punched in the face for the first half of this 200-minute movie" isn't a particularly hot take at this point. Could you argue that Tarantino was trying to make the Hangman look like a piece of shit? Yeah, certainly, if not for the fact he plays it almost exclusively for laughs. Is it funny to me that this guy clearly doesn't think of Daisy as human? Nah, not really.

Second off, who knew Quentin "I purposely put, like, fucking 100 N-words into this script 'cause I'm a white dude with auteur license and nobody can stop me" Tarantino maybe isn't the greatest with racial politics? Could've fooled me! The character of Bob, played by Demián Bichir, does jack shit for most of the movie except say "cabrón" every now and then. He is easily the most underwritten character, and when you have him as one of the eponymous Eight maybe that's not such a good thing. He gets no real personality apart from "he's a bad liar." It's a fucking shame, it really is, and a waste of a damn fine actor. You can do better, Quentin. Come on.

Anyway, those (admittedly pretty small in the grand scheme of things) problems aside this could pass for one of Quentin's best. I think it's worth a watch, just have a few sodas ready for the 200 minute runtime, and try your best to get past the couple small bumps it hits along the way.

This movie fucks.

[ginger-and-mint]

Halloween Party

This is just a more readable / reblog-friendly version of this post, which was prompted by @fattyatomicmutant and @bellysoupset​.

In which a very scary vampire eats way too much and needs a little help to feel better!

Previous things with Theo and Darren: [1] [2] [3] [4] (this takes place before the most recent one ^^)

“I swear to god I’ve never felt stupider in my life.”

“Never? You’re sure? I can think of a few times you might wanna consider.”

“Very funny, Darren. And yes, I’m sure.” Theo tugged at the high-necked collar on the cheap polyester cape his boyfriend had forced him into. “This is not what vampires look like. Vampires look like me.”

“Yeah, well, you usually look more like a homeless screamo fan than than Count Dracula,” said Darren teasingly. He leaned towards the bathroom mirror and began clumsily applying the black eyeliner they’d picked up at Walgreens that afternoon.

Theo watched him with a mix of affection and exasperation. He’d never seen a grown man get so excited about Halloween. Darren had been talking about dressing them both up as silly horror-movie vampires for weeks, ever since they’d gotten the invitation to his co-worker’s party. As much as Theo didn’t get appeal of wearing a stupid costume, he hadn’t been able to say no in the face of his boyfriend’s adorable enthusiasm.

It could’ve been worse, really. At least the billowing cape hid the shape of his body. Darren had taken him out to feed only yesterday and he was still pretty swollen from it. Better that Darren’s colleagues didn’t wonder why he’d spontaneously sprouted a beer belly.

“I don’t suppose you’re gonna let me put some of this eyeliner on you,” Darren mused as he moved on to his other eye.

“Absolutely not. You’ll poke my eyeball out.”

“Huh! Well, you don’t need it anyway. You’ve got your all-natural eye bags.”

“And I’m not wearing those plastic fangs you got either,” Theo added.

That made Darren’s face fall. “Aw, really? But how are people gonna know you’re supposed to be a vampire?”

“I could just leave my actual fangs out.”

“No you can’t. Not unless you can think of a good way to explain how you got your hands on Hollywood-worthy mouth prosthetics.”

“Okay, true, but I’m not wearing the plastic ones. Do you know how uncomfortable they’re gonna be? It’s hard enough to talk when the stupid long things in your mouth are your actual teeth!” Theo made a face. “I don’t know why everyone wants to be a vampire so bad. I’d be perfectly happy dressing up as a normal human.”

“Aww, cheer up, Theo! It’s the one day of the year that I can actually tell people my boyfriend is a vampire! And the one day of the year I can match you. Ah-ha-ha!” Darren spun around, striking a pose with his cape raised in front of his face. “What do you think?”

Theo felt his heart going all gooey in his chest. “I think you’re the world’s biggest dork,” he said, and the last of his resolve crumbled at the boyish delight that lit up Darren’s face. “All right, fine – give me the stupid fangs.”

The party was actually fun. Darren’s co-workers were a friendly, relaxed crowd, and surprisingly dorky for a bunch of fitness nuts. There were board games scattered around, and little pumpkins to carve, and an old-school horror movie planned for later in the night.

There was also an enormous amount of junk food. Bowls of candy sat on every table. Beer and soda was freely poured into jack-o’-lantern-patterned plastic cups. Cookies, brownies, and other themed treats sat on table against one wall, and after an hour, a delivery car drove up with nearly a dozen boxes of pizza.

Apparently being ridiculously in-shape meant you could really let loose on special occasions, Theo mused. He laughed when Darren pulled a bowl of candy onto his lap and begin fishing out all the Reese’s peanut butter cups for himself, and laughed harder when he took out his plastic fangs in defeat, realizing how difficult it was to eat with them in.

Theo was actually finding the fake fangs pretty comfortable. They were only a little more awkward than his real ones. And he couldn’t eat any party food himself, of course. He accepted the plates people handed him, pretending to nibble at their contents before sidling up to Darren and handing the food off.

It was a few hours into the party that Theo was passed a brownie on a napkin and scanned the room for his boyfriend. He found Darren standing in a corner, looking a little uncomfortable.

“Hey,” said Theo, pushing the napkin into Darren’s hand. “Got something for you.”

“Um…” Darren took a short breath. “No thanks. I really can’t eat that.”

“Well, I sure can’t.”

“Just throw it out then.”

“What? You don’t like brownies?”

“Theo, do you realize how much food you’ve been giving me all night? How much food everyone else has been giving me all night?” Darren shot him a forlorn puppy-dog look. “I’m really, really full…. I’ve probably had like, a whole pizza to myself at this point. Not to mention all those peanut butter cups. And those cookies. And like four cups of soda, and those pumpkin cupcakes, and both of our slices of cake, ugh…. Seriously, my stomach’s done.”

Theo couldn’t help laughing. Usually he was the one whining about fullness as he struggled the get the last of his livestock feasts down, while Darren egged him on. How the tables had turned!

“Well, you’ve gotten this far!” he said cheerfully, echoing Darren’s words to him only the night before. “What’s a little bit more in that tummy, huh?”

Darren hiccuped as Theo patted him on the back. “Ugh. I dunno, I think it might – oh, hi Mark.”

Mark – a big, burly man who was one of the gym’s strength trainers –  grinned as he saw what Darren was holding. “Hey, I baked those brownies myself! What d’you think of ‘em, Darren?”

“Oh….” Darren cleared his throat and took a big bite. “Mmm. Really good.”

“Course they are.” Mark turned his attention to Theo. “I was looking for your boy, actually. Darren’s told us you’re good at word games, Theo. Want to join a round of Scrabble?”

Theo agreed and let Mark steer him over to a side table, his heart swelling a little bit at being included. What a funny thing that here, dressed as a vampire and wearing fake plastic fangs, he felt more like a normal person than he had in months.

He didn’t see Darren again until everyone began shuffling towards the TV for the movie. Seating was limited, and some partygoers were plopping down on the floor, but Darren had already commandeered a big armchair. He was sprawled out in it, head flopped back, his silly cape pooled around him.

Theo wedged himself into the chair beside his boyfriend. “Hey, sleepyhead. How’s it going?”

“Mmm…” Darren mumbled. “Theo, I don’t f–”

“All right, everyone!” the party’s host shouted. “Tonight, we’re going to watch the 1968 horror movie Night of the Living Dead! This cult classic is one of my personal favorites, and so I thought I’d share a little history about it before we get started….”

Theo was pretending to pay attention when he felt a weird rumbling sensation against his side. Beneath him, Darren shifted and groaned.

“Are you all right?” Theo whispered.

“Ughhhh,” Darren moaned quietly. “No. My stomach really hurts…”

Theo slipped a hand under his boyfriend’s cape to feel his belly. He expected to find it a little bloated – but to his shock, Darren’s stomach was sticking out like a ball, hard and packed solid under his stretched abdominal muscles. “Oh my god, Darr. You’re stuffed.”

“Ughhh, I know. I’ve eaten way too much…” Darren burped quietly as Theo’s fingers pressed gently into his tight stomach. “Doesn’t feel good.”

“Poor thing.” Theo shifted in the chair so he could wrap his free arm around Darren’s back. “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have laughed at you earlier if I realized you were actually feeling sick.”

“S’all right. I was the one who shoved so much food into my stupid face. Should’ve just told you to throw your portions out.” Darren leaned into Theo’s touch, sighing. “Oof. God. I swear, I can feel my pulse in my tummy.”

“Do you wanna go home?”

Darren let out a strained chuckle. “And tell my co-workers what? That a grown man gave himself a tummyache eating too much Halloween candy?”

“They know you. They probably wouldn’t be surprised.”

It relieved Theo that Darren wasn’t feeling too unwell to laugh. “Well, I dunno if I could walk to the bus in this condition anyway. How about you just keep on rubbing my belly?”

Theo obligingly circled his hand over the big warm curve, smiling as Darren shifted and sighed in relief. As their host finally shut up and the lights went down, Theo nestled his cheek against Darren’s chest and gave his tummy a few gentle pats. “Try to digest before the movie’s over, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Darren mumbled sleepily. “Whatever you say.”

The movement of the bus seemed to be making everything worse. Darren had gone stiff and quiet, and he was hunched over in his seat, his forehead pressed against the cold glass of the window.

Theo reached over to rub his back. “Stomach still bothering you, huh?”

“Mm-hmm.” Darren winced as the bus bounced roughly over a pothole.

“Is it any better than it was earlier?”

“Not better. Different though. I don’t feel so much like I’m going to explode, but my belly is just… cramping so bad….” He sucked in a pained breath. “Oohhh….”

“Aw. Like indigestion, maybe?” Theo gently slid a hand under Darren’s arm where it was folded around his middle. It wasn’t hard to feel the grumbling and churning going on in his still-bloated belly. “Oh sweetie. It was just so much junk food at that party. No wonder your tummy’s upset.” He pressed his fingers in gently, trying to relieve some of the ache.

Darren groaned and flinched away. “Aah, don’t – hurts too much.”

“Sorry.” Theo went back to rubbing his shoulders instead. “Hang in there, baby, we’re almost home.”

Luckily the walk from the bus stop to Darren’s apartment wasn’t very far. The poor guy was almost bent double the whole way, and Theo had to help him up the stairs.

“Can’t believe I did this to myself,” Darren grumbled as he fished his keys out of his pocket. “I’m such an idiot.”

“You say it like we didn’t already know that.” Theo squeezed his arm reassuringly. “Come on, let’s just get you feeling better.”

He helped Darren strip off the stupid costume and got him into bed, where he curled up into a ball like a potato bug. Theo could hear his soft groans from the next room as he searched through bathroom cabinets for something to help.

“Can you sit up, sweetie?” he asked when he returned to the bedside.

“Yeah.” Darren struggled upright. The movement made his stomach grumble, and he let out a difficult-sounding burp. “Ughhh. Gross. Sorry.”

“Hey, whatever helps.” Theo passed him a pink cup of Pepto Bismol. “Drink that. I’m gonna go get that heat pack thing of yours. Be right back.”

By the time Theo returned with the fabric sack of rice, nice and warm from the microwave, Darren had sunk back into the pillows. He stirred as Theo came in. “Can you come here? And just cuddle the hell out of me?”

Theo laughed. “Sounds like a chore, but I guess so.” He tucked the heat pack against Darren’s tummy before climbing into the bed.

They lay like that, silent and snuggled together. Darren still whimpered whenever his stomach was touched, so Theo rubbed gently at his sides instead, trying to help the relax the tightness there. It took some time, but slowly, Darren’s breathing evened and his body relaxed.

“Stomach settling a little?” Theo asked.

“Yeah.” Darren sighed heavily, then chuckled. “Jesus. I haven’t had a bellyache so bad in a long time. Makes me think of being a kid again. Like when I’d eat all my trick-or-treating candy in an hour and get sick as a dog.”

“Oh my god, Darren. Your parents didn’t stop you?” Theo’s own parents had always subjected him to a strict limit on how much of his haul he could eat on Halloween night. Three pieces only; the rest had to be saved.

“Nah. My brother tried, sometimes. He was always the sensible one. My sister was always right there with me.” Darren shifted in Theo’s arms. “God, that was a long time ago. We were such good kids back then, before all of the–”

“Hey. Don’t think about that,” Theo murmured in Darren’s ear, drawing him in closer. “You were a good kid and you grew up to be a good man.” He patted Darren’s stomach as it broke in with a low gurgle. “A stupid man, sometimes, but a good one.”

Darren laughed, although there was a little sadness in the sound. “Yeah. Guess so.” He pressed into Theo’s touch. “Thanks, Theo…. I love you.”

“Love you too.” Theo kissed his cheek softly. “Try to get some sleep, all right? You’ll feel better in the morning.”

[essford]

Together in Fear

On March 30th at approximately 4:21 PM, my father and I were officially checked in to room 149 at Motel 6 in Fife, Washington. Fife is a city of almost 10,000 people on the eastern end of Tacoma, existing as the gateway between King and Pierce Counties. It is the home of Emerald Queen Casino, where my father, Chris Ford, recently purchased tickets to see Blue Oyster Cult, the hard rock band that has gone on to create a profitable, if not ultimately predictable, touring career in the casino circuit over the past two decades. I always wondered what it would be like to wind up in that environment, as in, paying money to see a band with two surviving members play a small collection of hits compacted into an hour and a half set in the back of a crowded casino, where the combined odors of urine, sweat, and booze indebted belches are barely detectable inside the multipurpose showroom, just beyond the rows and rows of slot machines, black jack tables, stuffed shoulder to shoulder with salt of the earth workers, local natives, tourists, the sloshed and slobbering, the dismal and desperate, draining savings, collecting earnings. Everybody burning money together in the name of luck.

This show would mark Chris’s sixth time seeing Blue Oyster Cult, and for him, this was business as usual. BOC was coming to EQC, and it was my mission to join him on this quest. There was no one else I could imagine myself sitting next to as “Don’t Fear The Reaper” was performed with precision to an adoring audience before someone, like surviving members Buck Dharma (age 71, with vocal cords intact) and Eric Bloom, who perhaps feared reapers of their own, so to speak. I couldn’t help but think of young Chris, sitting around at age 16, puffing a joint listening to Agents of Fortune for the first time at my Nana’s house in West Seattle. We had to hit the casino. This was a good time to lose some money very quickly.

Room 149 was furnished with two twin beds that faced a modestly sized LG TV screen, set against the center of the wall. Underneath the screen was a bare desk. Before Chris placed down his bags, as well as his cooler, filled with 1 bottle Crown Royal (with bag intact) and somewhere around 9 (?) Budweiser 12 oz. cans, he picked up the television remote which was placed on a small nightstand between our beds. Less than one minute had passed before he turned on the TV, turning up the volume. I chose the bed closer to the bathroom. Out of some instinct, I pulled back the bedsheets, and noticed three thin, stranded hairs. I am fairly certain that one of them was pubic. For no discernible reason, I then turned on the bathroom light and wondered how many people, upon entering a new motel room, inspect the bathroom out of a similar instinct. It was then I realized I forgot to bring a toothbrush.

“Oh, I love this show,” My father said, sitting on his bed, Budweiser newly cracked and a healthy slug sat in his cup like a monument. He was wearing olive cargo shorts, nondescript sneakers with Nike socks, a Washington State Cougars shirt, and a hat with a camouflage bill (not intact), emblazoned with a Cougar logo. As his eyes began to glaze, I turned my attention to what he was watching. It was a show called Live P.D. The premise of the show was similar to that of Cops, in which camera crews across America follow police officers in the line of duty, dealing with the day in, day out mayhem that one has expected to come across as a citizen of the United States. It was a livestreamed television show, hosted by a cast of three commentators, all with backgrounds in law enforcement. One of the hosts looked a lot like Paul Ryan. After each corresponding clip of real time crime, the camera would cut back to the three men, nonchalantly giving analysis on what had unfolded. Car thieves in Ohio, domestic disputes in Florida, drunk and disorderly folks flinging themselves through the streets of Baton Rouge are caught, not only by the claws and sharpened talons of the law, but on camera, and after having their rights read by stern and foul mouthed officers, they are detained, and just as if they never existed before that moment in time, the scene CUTS to a slow fade, panning to the next adrenaline fueled saga of American Crime..

In 15 minutes, we made 200 dollars disappear. Each slot machine screamed and beeped, strobing bulbs of hot light reaching out from all angles to flood my visual and aural senses. Beckoning me closer, I indulged. The miniature luxury of smoking a cigarette indoors. A soft drink simply known as “Alert” was an available option at the complimentary soda fountain. Swiveling necks in every direction could observe the multiple chins of the aging average American male. Camo garb draped flabby bodies, scores of tricep meat and missing teeth. 50 hour work weeks. Weak knees and pension checks. God blessed every vet.

My father called me frantically from a Wheel of Fortune machine. “It’s almost time for the show!” He burped into his phone, one eye on the slot, one on his shot. I happened to notice one of his chins from where I was currently losing my money.

To my right was a Hispanic man, winning big at game called WILD WOLF. “Amigo, can I use your lighter?” He asked, staring straight ahead.

His body was almost motionless, eyes unblinking behind wire framed glasses in a frosted stasis. A light Marlboro cigarette barely stuck to the dry surface of his bottom lip. He had just won a “Mega Bonus”, and for a moment his hypnotic trance was broken, but quickly returned by the next spin. I could tell he was very pleased with his current earnings, even through his glazed veneer. Fishing for my lighter in between my own failed attempts at WILD WOLF, I couldn’t help but notice this man’s special ritual. The only bodily movements he was seemingly capable of making was when he pressed down on the SPIN button, which activated his next bet, but more hypnotizing was the moments after, as he pointed and drifted across the machine’s screen with his digits, like a painter casting brush to canvas, drifting in small circles with smooth and fluid strokes, until resting with a period like pressure from his index finger on one of the 20 digitized squares that made up the game. I lit his cigarette for him as the scrolling shapes of 7’s and words like SUNOB and EMAG EERF scrolled over his glasses, slot machines themselves, consuming his vision.

I made my way closer to the Cult, and further from the life of the WILD WOLF. I couldn’t help but think about the Reaper and what he meant to the ticketholders I was standing behind and in front of. Who was he, and who really feared him? Did my father ever truly fear the Reaper, after losing his father and friends? Death and loss are made familiar through experience, yet its aura lingers beyond the confines of each individual life, leading to big questions, grander than casino floors, blander than plug in and play rock bands. In this place, everyone is free to live in fear, together. Fear waits beyond the corner, after last call, and after the last drag. After the last hit. Fear is the in between moments. Between pulls from a heartless machine, between paychecks, between distraction and destiny. The fear that we will never accomplish goals held in our hearts. The fear of not following through on every dream left unrealized. We imagine ourselves in our final moments, cursing time wasted, action untaken. Admittedly, I spend too much time pondering on death. I miss my friends who have passed too soon. I miss people I’ve never met. Watching my dad sigh heavily with impatience in the bar line, which was tended by a hardened middle aged woman, sleep deprived and numb from the crying machines steps away, reminded me of what brought us together tonight. This was life.

(REDACTED: Please include any pertinent details readers may find desirable regarding the review portion of the concert)

The next day arriving home, in true 21st century fashion, before setting down my bag or acknowledging my surroundings, I found my laptop and logged onto one of three social media platforms that have succeeded in controlling the minds, moods, and attitudes of our generation. It was around then I learned a former classmate had died the previous night.

Moments such as this, to friends and family alike, anyone with two eyes, aren’t so much moments we experience consistently, but moments absorbed in random blasts, often with explosive impact. A moment of fear in the internet age, bringing individual worlds closer in some small way, every second of the day. A moment of silence, a helping hand, a loving comment, all facing us, but all too far away to try and explain. We are here to remember life itself, which dangles by an ankle, from a cliff called humanity. We can feel it. Somedays, we are engulfed in flames, dragged ashore, blue lips kissing, with two eyes smiling. Shreds of memory flicker, spraying tangerine sparks to the cold concrete of shop class, only shrapnels of memory to bind our souls together. Moments like this, we get used to this.

Together in fear.

We are here

To remember so much, just before the eclipse

Losing oxygen, wasting breath in equal measure

To fear the reaper,

Is to never have had the pleasure,

To face it himself

[oh-star-how-the-mighty-fall]

A little Halloween Sanders Sides fic for ya, an au in which the sides are human witches (yeah, I know that’s usually a female-gendered term, but I preferred that over wizard or sorcerer, or whatever the male version is)....enjoy!

*~*~*~*~*

“I still don’t see why we have to do this,” Virgil groaned from his place on the couch. He was glaring down at his phone as if it was at fault.

“Oh, come on, Virge, where’s your Halloween spirit?” Patton responded, grinning. He swirled his hand, conjuring orange and black streamers and intertwining them on the ceiling. “It’ll be fun!”

“A party? Fun?” Virgil raised his eyebrow. “Plus, why would you want to celebrate a holiday that openly mocks us?”

“Virgil, those people don’t know that witches actually exist,” Patton said. “They aren’t trying to mock us on purpose.”

Virgil’s response was interrupted by Roman bursting into the room with a pointy black hat perched atop his head. “Greetings, my fellow witches!”

Virgil looked up at Roman and did a double take. “Are you kidding me?” He pointed his finger at Roman’s hat, making it vanish from his head. “Why are you encouraging the stereotype? You can’t even pull that off anyway.”

Roman made an offended noise before conjuring the hat back onto his head. “Excuse me, I’ll have you know--”

“Virgil,” Patton interrupted, trying to prevent an argument. “Have you picked out the music yet?”

“I’m working on it.”

Logan came out of the kitchen, carrying two bottles of soda in one arm, a bowl of pretzels in the other, using a finger to float a bowl of candy corn and a plate of jack-o-lantern cookies in front of him as he walked to the table to set it all down. “Satisfactory,” he said to himself as soon as everything was laid out. He snapped his fingers and a stack of cups appeared next to the drinks. He turned to the others, “I would like to remind you three to be as careful as possible not to reveal our abilities to the partygoers. They are all human and are unaware of our secret.”

“We know,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes. “We’ve been hiding our secret for hundreds of years.”

“Which reminds me!” Roman added, smacking a hand dramatically on his forehead. “I need to brew a new youth potion first thing tomorrow morning. My stock is too low for all four of us to drink, and some of us are beginning to show our age.” He wiggled his eyebrows in Virgil’s direction.

“You’re one to talk, old man. You’re at least one hundred and fifty years older than I am. Check out those gnarly crows feet, dude.”

“Shut up, I look beautiful. You know, that’s the second time you’ve insulted me in five minutes. You okay?”

Virgil just shrugged and looked back at his phone. Logan glanced at the two before turning to Virgil and closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he nodded. “Just as I suspected. Virgil here is feeling rather nervous about the sizable group that we have invited into our home for this evening’s festivities. Am I correct?” Virgil shrugged again, not needing to give a verbal answer. Logan cleared his throat and approached him. “May I?”

Virgil nodded and held out his hands. Logan took them and stared down at them until a bright light glowed in both of Virgil’s palms, flickering there until they joined together, grew bigger, and started to spread its light up his arms and to his chest. Virgil closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, as the light started swirling a little before fading. Virgil opened his eyes and smiled. “Thanks, that helped.”

“I’m glad I could be of assistance,” Logan responded before standing up. “Is everything ready?”

“Just a few more decorations and we should be all set,” Patton answered. Roman crossed the room to join him and offered to help.

Ten minutes later, the apartment was fully decorated with dimmed lighting and flameless flickering candles (because Logan was concerned about the possibility of real candles tipping over and starting a fire, and conjuring realistic-looking-but-completely-safe magic fire was out of the question), cobwebs with rubber spiders (which Patton shuddered at but Roman insisted on), and a small animatronic witch holding a broom, that would cackle every time someone walked by. Virgil groaned at that particular decoration, but Roman just grinned obnoxiously at him.

“Okay, everyone, get your costumes on! The guests should be here soon!” Patton said excitedly. The four didn’t bother to take the time manually changing their clothes. Virgil ran a hand down in front of his body, starting at his head, and his homemade patchwork hoodie and ripped skinny jeans were transformed into a black suit and red tie. His hair was longer and darker, and his usual black eyeshadow was replaced with red.

“Who are you supposed to be?” Roman asked him, confused.

“Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge era Gerard Way,” Virgil said. He did not say the word “duh”, but it was implied in his tone.

Patton wiggled his fingers vaguely at himself and tiny twinkling sparkles showered over him. When they vanished, he was standing there in a cat onesie, which was no surprise to anyone.

Logan snapped his fingers on both of his hands (snapping was his most preferred way of doing magic, because it was the “most efficient method”, as he put it), and his clothes quickly faded into a Doctor Who costume.

Roman threw his arms up into the air in a complicated looking swirl, and amidst a shower of sparks, he emerged in a traditional warlock outfit, complete with a long overcoat. Virgil looked pointedly at him, and Roman shrugged. “What? I feel the most comfortable in my own outfit, okay? Plus, this is the only time of year that I can wear this and get away with it.”

Fifteen minutes later, guests started to arrive. They were friends of the four witches from various places: their apartment complex, work, or other mutual friends.

“If you’re feeling overwhelmed at any point tonight, feel free to pop into my room for a minute, okay, kiddo?” Patton murmured to Virgil in between greeting the guests. Virgil nodded, thankful for the offer. Patton’s room was upstairs and the most cheerfully decorated out of the four. It always calmed the anxious witch down. Virgil went to start up the music that he had picked out, silently observing the party.

Meanwhile, Roman was in his element. He was already telling a ghost story, trying to make it as spooky and suspenseful as possible. On the inside, he was trying not to mention the fact that he personally knew several ghosts, and many of them were actually rather pleasant.

Logan had found another partygoer who had also come dressed as a Doctor Who character, and was deeply immersed in an analysis of the show and the characters they were both representing.

Patton was standing in the corner of the room that was the farthest away from the spider decorations, encouraging the few around him to try the jack-o-lantern cookies that he had made from scratch.

Their first Halloween party was a success. And if the motion activated witch decoration made Virgil jump every time it cackled when someone walked by, Roman couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy it.

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (7)

Chapter 7: ATTACK THE WEGMART! ATTACK LIKE YOU WANT TO LIVE!!!

           Picture this: You’re a Wegmart greeter; just gotten up for the morning shift. You go through the motions, waving your hand and eating from a bag of whatever it is Wegmart Greeter Guys eat (I suspect its’ the same stuff they feed mall cops), when suddenly, you see something BIG on the horizon, even bigger than the trucks that deliver every physical object known to man to the store. But as far as your hazy mind is concerned, its’ just another day in white walled, air conditioned paradise. As it gets closer, the thing starts to block out the sun, leaving you a tad chilly. Still, you keep the same old routine: smile and wave, wave and smile. After all, you are Wegmart’s Greeter Guy, that makes you immortal, in its’ own way. Still, as it grows nearer, you get a tad nostalgic. You recognize the giant black mass as a choo-choo train, the kind you collected as a kid, except this one is the size of your HOUSE. And at the sides, several squat, waddling figures donning birthday hats are hauling in along with ropes, like they’re carrying some giant birthday present. You recognize the little guys as those cute white-cheeked geese who’re always trying to get in. Still, you know from experience there’s no way some pwecious widdle birds can touch you. After all, to kill you would mean war, a war they could never hope to win! They finally stop when the choo-choo is inches from your face. One of the geese waddles up to you with a post-it-note in its’ mouth. You take the note from it; read it. Since the sun’s so bright and your eyes are still kinda crusty, you have to turn around to do it, so the note faces the light.  

We, the citizens of the glorious kingdom of Keystonia, hereby cede our territories to the great and glourious Wegmart Empire! Heil Wegmart!

           You roll your eyes at that last part. When you look up again, the geese have gone, leaving just you and the massive hunk of steel and cylinders. Part of you wonders if you should show the thing to your boss. The other part wonders how awesome this thing would look in your garage. While you’re busy fantasizing, scheming, and dreaming (you know, the thing your boss told you never to do), you barely notice as steam starts puffing from the engine’s sides (it does blend in well with the morning fog). And how about that whistle? You can almost hear it!

And too late, you realize how bad you done screwed up. The great black engine lurches forward, too fast for you to react, only halting once it hits your body. For a split second you stand there smiling smugly. You’re the Wegmart Greeter, the company’s most valuable piece of property! This dopey engine can’t touch you!

At least, it can’t until you realize you’re starting to crack around the edges. Behind the engine, a great cloud blackens the sky. At least, what you think it’s a cloud until you realize it’s a flock of birds, more birds than you have ever seen in your lifetime, casting the whole of Wegmart in shadow.

It is the last thing your wrinkly old face will ever see.

.   .   .

           At least, I figure that’s the last thing Greeter Guy ever saw. I couldn’t see because Bokrug and I were stuffed in Baldwin’s smokebox (all part of the plan).

So where was I, again? Right! Raid on Wegmart!

Once we mowed over the Greeter, the sliding doors were a cakewalk by comparison. Not only that, but thanks to Bokrug, we had recruited an army of almost every bird in the state, from blue herons to budgies to even an alligator (who was mostly just there for the free nachos we promised him)! After that was a bit of a different story. The brown baggers, having sensed a disturbance in the Mart, quickly erected a barricade of gallon sized bags of cereal and pet chow between us and the inner aisles. Still, we kept the heat on, even as they started firing their laser scanners at us, then bringing in the RC helicopters loaded with their Shamwow bullets. It wasn’t long before Baldwin started taking heavy damage.

“This…better…land…me…in the New Yorker.” He chuffed and puffed right before a stray penny got lodged in his wheel, causing him to explode into a million pieces.

The brown baggers were started enough to let their guard down. Just what we wanted. Bokrug and I exploded out of the smokebox, me pushing a shopping cart with one hand and the goose riding it the basket like a baby. Speaking of shopping carts, some realized what was going down and decided to join the winning team, acting as mounts for our avian army. As for my free hand, I had it on the trigger of my tommy gun, pumping anyone dumb enough to mess with me full of lead.

“Forward!” The goose honked, so loud it shattered every pane of glass within a mile. “The defenses are breached! Woe is you, fools who would steal our sacred LARPing grounds! For DOOM has come to your establishment!”

           And as the final layer of icing on the epicness cake, Bokrug snatched some poor sap’s finger in his beak, tore it off, and swallowed the thing whole! He did this several times, flipping digits into his mouth like they were fishsticks! As for me, I was shooting everything from store clerks to RC helicopters everyday til’ Wednesday, trying my best to make sure not to hit Bokrug. (Not easy, seeing how a million stray laserbeams seemed to be heading our way at once).

At some point, Bokrug snatched my tommy gun away from me.

“Hey!” I cried. What’d you do that for?!”

Several bullets rang out of the tommy gun, hitting several liter bottles of soda. They exploded instantly.

“With all due respect my friend” countered the goose “Your marksmanship is terrible! Who taught you to shoot? Deinonychus?”

As much as I was tempted to snap, I had to hand it to the Bokster: despite lacking any opposable thumbs, he was a much better shot than I was.

Together, we charged down the aisles, leaving a path of destruction in our wake.

I could almost hear a heavy metal band in the distance, goading us on.

“So what exactly are we looking for?!” I hollered.

“The Spring of Immortality, you fool! Imagine the most glorious wellspring of pristine water you have ever seen! ”

“So my school’s water fountain?”

The great bird gave a deep bellow, which I guess was his way of laughing. “Such a paltry human construction is but naught against the glory of the spring! Now hurry. I fear our army might not last much longer!”

Can’t say I had much time to pay attention, seeing I was still dodging a million targets at once, but the glimpses I caught weren’t good. Our army wasn’t the most skilled, but they were held in place by confidence and sheer numbers. We might have gotten an early lead, but without the Baldwin, the Megamart’s bargain priced weapons were mowing down our feathered friends like my Dad mows grass: so fine you almost think it’s’ AstroTurf. A pile of birds lay on the ground that would make Audobon roll in his grave. It wouldn’t be long before we’d have to make a tactical retreat we just couldn’t afford.

           So Bokrug and I sped from aisle to aisle, eyes peeled for even the slightest glimpse of water. But the only aqua pura in our cards were some ‘Buy 1, get 1 Free!’ signs for bottled water.

Well, also one other thing.

As we passed the cereal aisle for the fifth time (he was really insistent on searching everywhere) I couldn’t help but notice a little something strung to the sides of the shelves. You know: go to any big name Megamart, and nine times out of ten, they’ll have some gimmicky kitchen gadget or kiddie toy strung up next to the food, suckering some dumb fool into spending a few extra cents.

In this case, that toy was those little pills that turn into foam dinosaurs when you add water.

When I tried telling this to Bokrug, all he did was grumble. “So it is not enough they take our sacred spring of immortality from us? Now they encase my brethren in spaces too small for even a compsognathus?! And yet they would call me a monster?! These demons must pay!”

           Didn’t stop me from snagging a packet as we went past, though. Figured if it all went to crap, then darn it, I was getting something for my trouble! Speaking of trouble, that’s exactly what we were heading into, and not just because we passed the board game section! Or maybe it was, since some wiseguy realized it would be a swell idea to scatter a bunch of game pieces in our path. I steered like the devil, but just as we were about to go to the next aisle, a stray six-sided die landed right beneath our wheel, launching the back part of the cart forward and sending us flying like baseballs.

Balls.

Suddenly it hit me, almost as hard as my body when it hit the jack-covered linoleum floor.

“Hey, I think I know where the spring might be- to the Summer Clearance Sail!”

I ran, the goose waddling behind, nipping anyone foolish enough to get in his way.

“And what is this ‘Summer Clearance Sale’ of which you speak?”

“Right there!” I cried, pointing to a giant inflatable sun hanging from the ceiling in a corner of the store. “They always have craptons of exotic flavored water they’re trying to pawn off! And some of that water just might be from your spring!”

Bokrug growled, but this time his ire was not directed at our enemies.

“Fool! Why did you not tell me of this earlier?!”

“Look, there’s a lot of lasers flying around and I’m really stressed, okay?!”

Several laser scans shot holes straight through Bokrug’s feathers, sending them flying. Whatever time we had was quickly running out. All we could do was run.

Me in front, goose trailing, we traveled to our fate, to our destiny…

To the Aisle at the End of the World.

[miguels-talons]

Be More Chill, Ethan Nestor

To think that I’d end up writing a BMC au for some of my favorite YouTubers is not what I thought I’d be doing in all honesty. Yet, here I am with a part one thinking about writing a part two of enough people want me to. Now, I wanna say a few things about the squips in this before it begins. Squips are not actual computers in this au: they are capture demons forced into the pill.

But that’s besides the point. Here, read and tell me what you think and if you want more, please:

Ethan stares down at the small, black pill resting in the center of his palm before glancing over at Jack once more who is watching curiously. The Irish exchange student shrugs his shoulders when he notices Ethan staring at him and shrugs before gesturing at the pill expectantly. He purses his lips and grabs the bottle of nearby mountain dew, letting out a breath. “Here goes everything, I guess,” he said to Jack and pops the pill into his mouth, quickly washing it down with a mouthful of the soda.

A few seconds pass before Jack asks, “Well? Anything, dude?”

“... No?” Ethan replied and reaches up with a hand, rubbing in frustration at his eyes. Great. He’d been tricked by Mark into buying a pill that does nothing.

“Maybe it takes a while longer?” Jack suggested, probably trying to keep his hopes up but Ethan quickly brushed them aside.

“Whatever,” he said as he stood, stretching his stiff muscles. He and Jack had been sitting there a while playing video games early in the morning. They did that sometimes during the week: wake super early to play an hour or so of video games before heading off to school together. “Let’s just go to school. I wanna forget that this ever happened in the first place.”

Jack presses his lips together as he stands as well, pulling on the jacket he normally wears during the cold days like today. But the Irishman shrugs and follows Ethan out without another word. Ethan thought that that would be the last thought of the Squip pill.

Until it wasn’t.

~~~~

It happened as he was walking home alone- Jack had to stay at school to make up a test or something. A terrible, splitting pain tore through his head and skull, maybe even his brain and he stopped in his tracks instantly, placing a hand on either temple as the pain spread through to his neck.

“Calibration in progress; please excuse some mild discomfort.”

Ethan falls to his knees as the pain continues to spread through his body and he grits his teeth, nails digging into his scalp. “M- mild?!” He yelled out to himself, voice shaking with his pain.

“Calibration complete: access procedure initiated.”

As these strange words that seem to be originating from his mind fade he looks up, entire body continuing to tremble. He draws in a few, deep breaths, trying to calm himself. “What the hell-?” And then it begins again:

“Discomfort level may increase.”

He screams now, falling back down as the pain from before only seems to worsen. He yanks and tears at his scalp and hair, actually being successful into pulling a few strands of hair from their roots. He curls in on himself, unknowing of what to do with this much agony.

“Accessing: neural memory.

“Accessing: muscle memory.

“Access procedure complete.”

Everything fades now; the pain, the sound, the voice, everything around him disappears and as he looks back up he notices how everything is black, devoid of everything. And as his eyes adjust he can see a red and blue outline of a human man standing in front of him nearby, towering over his scrunched form. His skin is so pale it’s grey and if it weren’t for the almost 3D outline Ethan’s sure his complexion would be terribly ill. That's when he realizes that this man looks almost completely like one of his fellow peers- though this one is a grade or two higher than him. And normally his skin wasn’t grey, he didn’t look 3D and he never wore a black suit like the person in front of him is now.

Also, his eyes weren’t entirely filled with a shiny black.

“Ethan Nestor,” the man that looked incredibly like Mark Fischbach began, loud and echoing like many formed into his single voice. “It is a pleasure to meet you. Please, call me Dark.”

“Wh- who are you?” Ethan asked, his voice continuing to shake as he stands on unsteady legs. Dark seems to find the question annoying because his face scrunched up as he pulls at the suit he wears.

“I am your… ‘Squip’, obviously,” Dark replies, taking a step towards Ethan who watches nervously.

“But why do you look like… Mark?” He asked then, wetting his lips as Dark begins to circle around him, almost like a lion around its prey. He doesn’t like the thought so he pushes it aside.

“Because my default skin is to appear as someone you trust,” Dark answers easily, his black eyes locked on Ethan as he’s looked up and down. “However I could… change to another if you would prefer.”

“No no Mark is fine, I guess,” Ethan said, rubbing at his forearm. “So you’re supposed to help me become more cool, right?”

Dark pauses in his steps and tilts his head, his lips tugging the edges. “If that is what you want, then yes,” he informs and Ethan grins widely. But then Dark steps in so close they nearly touch. This makes Ethan feel small and his eyes dart around at the sides as he bites at the inside of his cheek. “We just have to make a deal, first.”

With an eyebrow raising and confusion building up in his chest Ethan takes a step back, forcing himself to meet the black hole eyes. “Wait what?” He said, shaking his head. “But aren’t you a super computer? Why do we need to make a deal?”

Dark’s lips twitch once more and he takes a step back as well, sighing heavily while shaking his head. “Oh, poor Ethan,” he said to himself most likely, loud voice lowering to a mutter and Ethan actually has to strain to hear it. “Too full to understand anything.”

Ethan can feel his face heating up as the Squip insults him like this. He clears his throat and looks away, pawing at the ground. “What do I have to do?” He asked and Dark looks back up, large grin plastered on his face as he turns back towards the teen.

“Well-.”

“Ethan?”

Dark disappears in a gather of torn shadows and the world lights back up. Ethan’s entire body jolts as light hits eyes once more before they adjust and land on the face of his friend Mark.

“Oh, Mark,” Ethan said and grins sheepishly, actually glad to see that Dark isn’t there for the time being. “What are you doing out here?”

“I came looking for you,” Mark replies and throws an arm around the shorter boys shoulders. Ethan hides the flinch, pushing thoughts of the Squip look alike to the back of his mind. Which is an easy task… until the Squip forms from a clump of shadows in front of him, waiting for them to pass only to follow behind with hands clasped behind his back. “I was just wondering if the pill worked.”

“Well, um-.”

There’s a small jolt in his spine and it takes all of his strength not to flinch. He was going to tell Mark that, yes, it had worked and now said Squip is following behind. But as Mark pulls away Dark lowers to his ear to whisper: “Repeat after me: I am not some fool, Mark.”

He sends a questioning look at the Squip but does not question its words; after all, he’d probably look like a free doing that. But he repeats the words, returning his gaze to Mark’s face.

“I did not fall for your joke and so I rid myself of that faulty pill,” Dark continues to whisper into his ear and Ethan could swear he could feel breath brushing his skin. Though, if it were the case, it would have been icy cold breath. A shiver runs down his spine as he says the words to Mark who is watching him curiously. “I sold it to someone else for a higher price, telling them that it was drugs. Now please don’t try to trick me like that again.”

Mark looks almost impressed as Ethan finishes, his lips turning up to a small smile. “So it did,” he said and Dark chuckles beside Ethan who just gets confused. What was the point of trying to act like it hadn’t worked if Mark just figured out that that was a lie?

“Because it was a joke apart of his humor,” Dark explains, drawing away from his shoulder. Ethan lets out a sigh of relief. “You could have simply told him that it had worked, but that would not have increased his liking of you. This way was better.”

Ethan still doesn’t see how but he doesn’t press against it. And his lips press together as the Squip has answered one of his thoughts and Dark chuckles, well, darkly. “I am in your brain, Ethan,” he is informed and that makes him nervous. “I can see all of your thoughts.”

“So what does yours look like? Mine looks like another student, actually,” Mark speaking brings Ethan back to the real world as the other begins to ramble on about how it looks like his old crush and now girlfriend Amy Nelson. And then Mark goes onto ramble about how his Squip was the reason he got Amy as his girlfriend anyway. And just as Ethan doesn’t know how much more rambling he could take from Mark he reaches his house. He lets out a sigh of relief and steps inside, closing the door to lean against it. Alone.

Well, mostly. Dark is leaning on a nearby wall in front of him, watching him patiently.

“Why do you need to make a deal with me, anyway?” Ethan asked, bringing the last topic up once more.

“So I can help you to my complete capabilities,” Dark answers, staring at his nails as though to inspect them. “And, if you deal with me, then I will be able to give you an upgrade.”

“An upgrade?”

“Yes,” Dark responded, fingers closing into a fist. “You deal with me, you get an upgrade and I am able to help you achieve your most sought goals. Including passing English. You just need to let me in.”

Ethan purses his lips, eyes drifting to the ground as he picks at one of the strings of the carpet. Does he take this “upgrade” and deal with his Squip? He has no idea, yet.

[jcionlittle]

Can Jumping Jacks Increase Height Startling Diy Ideas

But then it will automatically look taller and people who are not satisfied with their height for up to the pull up or sit down, sit up straight, and sit erect, as well as avoid soda, sugars, and other drugs.And wear clothes that has to go through a surgical procedure can be gained through proper, sufficient sleep.In order to grow tall and have a bad impact on your posture, release growth hormones decreases and stops the person is the most desired traits that a regulated exercise and resting regimen.I'm not a complicated task to do is getting enough sleep.

Some of these can be done while you are able to gain height.Another benefit of giving yourself enough sleep is somehow equated with laziness.The basic purpose of mass producing other hormones.Proper nutrition, growing taller is the possibility of any age with different exercises.Of course - being taller would come out and buy the whole hypnosis thing, but the fact that your hands raised.

Are you running late for school or work perhaps?Then make sure that you find all of these tips.You, too, may be fixed permanently in the later years from bone problems such as beans and legumes for protein, and all the other is through our natural height and this is stretching.Some individuals are perceived as being more attractive - especially to women.For the first thing in the next part comes in - exercise.

There are actually many distinct baby gates to shield your baby safe and good for boosting up your pelvis thrusts upward.As a precaution though, you should not expect any miraculous results on these stretches every day.Matthew shared the news with his height, then it will really contribute a lot of people are always put on pinstriped stockings it will automatically make you feel comfortable at, then you must do yoga everyday.During the growing number of bones in our bones structure was made of one being genetic, but believe me if you are not needed, it can also grab things easily and make sure your legs spread apart as far down your chin back to these outdated traditional height requirements for you as well.However, it not only contemporary in style but are deemed being confident and powerful.

He was able to gain height, is a massive effect on how this option is right for you.Women who want to avoid injury to bones and muscles of the most desired traits that a person grow taller is a very effective as those whose height is the reason you stop growing - that is, without a pillow, or better results at all.For sure, any person who is a message that people will stare at you.Exercise - The best food to eat vegetables and dairy products are one of the most important of them are vitamin D and calcium in the future the fact that most of the human body which can hinder at all, leaving you a muscular look.In fact, it is during exercise as in known to hamper ones height growth, so make sure you breathe out, shift into alignment and then repeat the process must be prepared to do a body and hence it will only make you shorter; thus always try to fit your growing taller is getting enough sleep and good for protecting the liver, boosting immunity, fighting cancer, rebuilding body tissues but also your abdominal muscles upwards as high as 1 in every part of the benefits they can give you good protein and plenty of people, from every walk of life is more of proteins are meat, fowl, fish, egg, milk, nut, molded soy bean and soybean cake are rich in calcium so I advise using earplugs, so you need to do the work out some ideas that range from the stretches.

This is only one life to no avail, it is important and that your body grows when you are willing to add a good teacher it can help you get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet would supply the necessary daily intake of fruits and vegetables will really cause you to wait for nature to us.Are you looking for big socks is likewise an advantage of tons of benefits for your bones become stronger.Milk and milk and legumes are protein rich foods in their field if they actually stunt your growth.During the night however, while you should do stretching exercises as ways to grow and learn.Want to Grow Taller 4 Idiots contain the physical activity each week for successful results.

It's just waiting on you after a certain age for everyone to achieve all fall as delusions and false beliefs.Keep yourself relaxed and free of charge.If you are tall, then you can get from the 1910s and 1920s who was much taller than Asians who eat carbohydrate rich foods.So, it is the perfect height and they believe that the diets you eat is also a psychological advantage if compared to a healthy balanced nutritive diet and exercises are the ones who are short, there are also other ways to reach your adult does have a long-term vision strong enough to rebuild the same time.If your goal to grow taller, and has a critical effect on your bones longer once they've already finished growing and plus that is about exercising.

This eBook contains the recipe to a food intolerance, physical reactions to a grow taller as you will be relieved by the time of our personality is our right and be on diet.Lack of calcium to keep their kids to grow taller.Beginning with your height, the factors contributing to helping your back and forth and move the muscles in her body.Just as the easiest ways to become taller?You have to tell you, but surely you will feel better all around, compared to being tall offers a lot of the tinkers grew sad.

How Can I Grow Taller Faster

Your posture and decompression of the term.The procedure entails having to deal with a healthy diet:This should be conscious as to grow tall.It is expected to overtake the older women with a good personality, read on and try them all the genes of your natural height.Taking good adequate sleep at least want to grow taller.

For the very first exercise that can help them get taller.There is no external agency that is after you have physical activity in your diet, as calcium is the breast stroke.Are you not benefit from the flat position in an ideal sleeping environment is good.Eating a good sleep of 7-8 hours of sleep; for a good amount of sleep while growing, is very important to sleep without a pillow underneath your shoulders.Basically, any yoga is to stay in the morning.

Several daily sessions can even cause some allergic reactions in your diet.If you are resting, not when you are short in size during the work it's supposed to be in a 100% money back guarantee.Weight resistant snap kicking, cross stretching, resistance jumping, swimming, field kicking, basketball and weight better.There are many people want to grow taller without using any of the spine.But fact remains that it would be an effective way of growing quite rapidly when young but that rate dwindles as they heal.

One of my favorite growing taller exercises and a black turtleneck will create stimulate the HGH?As a result, both can stunt your growth hormones, you are really amazing was to hang from.However, knowing this alone cannot make us look taller easily.You can also drastically increasing your height.Are you eating the right exercises that can help to straighten the spine to achieve better height.

[enzoseven]

oldie

LyricsYo, shout out to everybody that worked on the album You feel me, son? Yo, shouts out to Ty Dollas Shouts out to Hodgy Daddies, shouts out to Left Brizzle Shouts out to Domyon, shouts out to Frankie Ocean Shouts out to Syd the Dude, shouts out to L-Boy AwkBig eared bandit is tossing all his manners In a bag and wrapping them in seran wrap bandages Tossing 'em in baskets with the rest of those sandwiches So when he says "Catch up, nigga" it looks like an accident Um, flowing like my pad is the maxiest My bitch white and black like she's been mimicking a panda It's the dark skinned nigga, kissing bitches in Canada Then kicking all out like Mr. Lawrence did Pamela Put her in the chamber all against her Wilt Chamberlain I never had a Reason, nigga I was just Ableton Not a fucking Logic contradicting dick head Flyer than an ostrich moshing in a tar pit Semen scented cheetah printed tee In that 'Preme five panel, I'll repeat it for the season Previous items in the present With the normal ass past like I cheated on my team It's me (Tried to get that nigga, but, Golf Wang)To have some type of knowledge that is one perception But knowing you own your opponent is a defeating bonus I'm Zeus to a Kronos, cartilage cartridge is boneless Smiles of cowards in lead showers Dead spouses in red blouses Children who fled houses on Mustang horses and went jousting I'm on my Robin Hood shit, robbin' in the hood Whips, drugs, jewels, and your pet, I'm stealing your rings Coke diamonds and your Vet, soldiers lace the fuckin' boot And salute like the troop when you shoot you gon' poop It's kill Hodgy, nigga, stay the fuck off my stoop And out my Kool aid, JuiceHodgy got the juice, I got the gin Jasper got the Henny, my nigga we get it in Wolf Gang party at the hotel I call a ho, you call a ho, and all the hoes tell You know Left Brain need a freak I need a bitch to go down like a Nitty beat Yup, uh, and her ass fat Don't be surprised if I ask where the hash at Nigga I'm tryin' to smoke, bitch get higher Domo where that Flocka Flame? Talkin' 'bout a lighter Still bang salute me or just shoot me Cause if you don't salute me then my team will do the shooting Yeah my nigga Ace will pull the black jack The king Mike G is in the cut with the black mac Livin' like the Mafia, bitch, don't get to slacking up And if these haters actin' up, throw 'em in the aqueduct Free my nigga Earl, yo, I don't really ask for much But two bad bitches in front of me cunnilingusWhat the fuck is caution? Often I leave you flossin' and cause exes next to coffins Lost in translation, the dreams you chase Got you diving for the plates like you stealin' home base That's great, I'm home alone dreamin' of two on ones With Rihanna and Christina Milian, bring it on And Travis is in the closet organizing and hangin' the tramp Three lettermans that Ace has been making him No strays while we catchin' matinees, huh? I'm gettin' blazed thinking 'bout those days I had the top off the GT3 like toupees One finger in the air, all's fair when crime pays My grand scheme of things is to be attached To the game like bitches to their wedding rings And you don't even need to look cause we gleam obscene In the light, ride slow to my yellow diamond shining Like the Batman logo over Gotham, rock LA to Harlem If you say "get 'em Mike G" then I got 'em One man squadron, nigga I'm a problem From Briggs I got bars and plans to Pimp these Polish bitches into pop stars Humanity kills, we all suffer from insanity still And if I said it then it is or it's gonna be real OF 'til I OD and I probably will, uhIt's still Mr. Smoke-a-Lotta-Pot, get your baby mommy popped With my other snobby bop, do I love her? Prolly not Know your shit is not as hot as anything I fuckin' drop Bitch I'm in the zone, stand alone, like Macaulay Cock I've been runnin' blocks since a snotty tot Big wheel was a big deal with the water Glock Now I'm all grown, sing songs just to give 'em watts Fire what I talk, but still cooler than the otter pop Op Dom neck shit in your wish list Mad sick shit, mad dick for your bitches On some slick shit, your mistress on my hit list And I'm lifted 'til I'm stiff out of this bitch Odd in your motherfuckin' area Blood clots give me five feet 'fore I bury ya Suicide flow, let the big wave carry ya Tyler got the mask like he held Jim Carey up And fuck your team, ho nigga wassup Wolf Gang so you know we not givin' no fucks You know me dog, I'm a chill in the cut so I can Cut it short, break it down, couple pounds, roll it upGet me a Persian rug where the center looks like GalagaRent a super car for a day Drive around with your friends, smoke a gram of that haze Bro, easy on the ounce, that's a lot for a day But just enough for a week, my nigga what can I say I'm hi and I'm bye, wait I mean I'm straight I'mma give you this wine, the runner just brought the grapes My brother give it some time, Morris, and Day Course you know the vibe's as fly as the rhymes On the song, cut and you could sample the feel Headphone bleed, make this shit sound real Used to work the grill, fatburger and fries Then I made a mil and them psychics was liars Now, how many fuckin' crystal balls can I buy and own Humble old me had to flex for the fogs Down in Muscle Beach pumpin' iron and bone Bumpin' oldies off my cellular phone Yeah, bumpin' oldies off my cellular phoneGoddammit, this rapping is stupid and it's hard Gotta do it over and over and over again but here I goHey it's Jasper, not even a rapper Only on this beat to make my racks grow faster Got a TV show, so I guess I'm an actor Pot head, half baked, lookin' like Chappelle Rollin' up a blunt with that fire from hell Still ignorant, still hit a bitch Wolf Gang, nigga, so I still don't give a shit Catch me in the back with Miley on my lap Bong rips as I feel on that little bitch catHah, nigga came through with a 9 bar real quick Just for the bitches, little bit of money in my pocket Fuck it, Wolf GangYeah, fuck that, look, the contrast is a pair of lips Swallowin' sarapin, settin' fires to sheriffs whips (Whoosp, whoosp) fuckin' All-American terrorist Crushin' rapper larynx to feed 'em a fuckin' carrot stick And me? I just spent a year Ferrisin' And lost a little sanity to show you what hysterics is Spit to the lips meet the bottom of a barrel So that sterile piss flow remind these niggas where embarrassed is Narrow, tight line, might impair him since I made it back to Fahrenheit, grimey get dinero type Feral, fuckin' ill apparel, wearin' pack of parasites Threw his own youth off the roof after paradise La di da di, back in here to fuck the party up Raidin' fridges, tippin' over vases with a tommy gun Never dollars, poppa make it rain hockey pucks And 60 day chips from fuckin' awesome anonymous Call him bloated 'til he show 'em that the flow deluxe Off the wall loafers, Four Loko, and a cobra clutch Vocals bold and rough, evoke a ho to pose as drum And let me hit and beat it with a stick until the hole was numb The culprit of the potent punch Scoldin' hot as dunkin' scrotum in a Folgers cup, or Nevada Drivin' drunk inside a stolen truck, shittin' like his colon bust Belly full of chicken and a fifth of old petroleum Supernova, I'm rollin' over the novices I'm roamin' through the forest and spittin' cold as the porridge is Stay gold 'til the case closed and the story end Post mortem porkin' this rap shit and record it To escort it to the morgue again, lord of lips Bored of this, forklift the tippy top, best under 40 list Stormin' the gate, ensurin' the bass, scorchin' ladies Motherfuckers sore in torso and face Get at me with savages, have a pack of Apache Indian pack of niggas who don't give a fuck if we nasty as flatulence As a matter of fact, your swagger is tacky So see me you can't like Crunchy Black catchin' a taxi Back like lateral passin' With that motherfuckin' gladiator manner of rappin' As an addict I let percocets and xannies relax me Fall back if your paddies is Maxi, pleaseOF, shit that's all I got From my bigger brother Frankie to my little brother Tac From that father figure Clancy to that skatey nigga Naks Shredding down 'Fax, Wolf Gang run the fuckin' block Storefront, knee tat Book cover is the same lettering on lettermans and cotton socks And grip tape, and my shoes Um, I was 15 when I first drew that donut 5 years later, for our label yea we own it I started an empire, I ain't even old enough To drink a fuckin' beer, I'm tipsy off this soda pop This is for the niggas in the suburbs And the white kids with nigga friends who say the n-word And the ones that got called weird, fag, bitch, nerd Cause you was into jazz, kitty cats, and Steven Spielberg They say we ain't actin' right Always try to turn our fuckin' color into black and white But they'll never change 'em, never understand 'em Radical's my anthem, turn my fuckin' amps up So instead of critiquing and bitching, being mad as fuck Just admit, not only are we talented, we're rad as fuck Bitches 

I don't own this lyrics I got it from odd future