#Julia Ambrosia

[vilandel]

Silver Cats & Black Roses

Chapter 16 – Lady Orchidea and the Nobles

A/N Little warning, we learn more about the past of Charlottes mother, lady Roselei... and it is not a happy one 💙 Also, a bit of Vanessa and Finesse friendship 💜

Ao3 link

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Grenadine always had the habit to wake up early. Back in the inn where her mother worked and lived, it didn’t changed when she became a Magic Knight.

A new habit actually was to get a copious breakfast. Back at the village in the Forsaken Realm, she only got a glass of milk in the morning and when her mother or the inn keeper were in a good mood, a slice or two of buttered bread.

But here at the Silver Eagles, she had been amazed by the good food and Grenadine couldn’t help but fill her breakfast tray always with most food she could find, especially that roasted bread nobles called toast and all those different kinds of jam. Sometimes it filled her stomach for the whole day. And when it was early morning, she had the most choice of food.

Grenadine didn’t eat breakfast back in the squads refectory, though. It was such a big room and it intimated her when it was as good as empty. Which was always the case early in the morning. So, she just took a tray, filled it with her breakfast, would talk a bit with the chefs and then go back to her room.

But because the night wing of the Silver Eagles was almost on the opposite site of the refectory, it always took a while to go back to her room. The only direct disadvantage she considered in the Silver Eagle’s base. Otherwise, Grenadine was always excited to have her own room.

She sighed. That hadn’t been the case back in the inn, where she shared a tiny room with her mother. Even more so, Grenadine was the one who slept on the floor on a too soft mattress while her mother had the wobbly bed. Well, Grenadine admitted that her life became better and not only in terms of food and living place.

Her mother was always bitter, but that Grenadine could understand. She wanted a better, easier life and maybe she had thought being the mistress of a noble would be the best way. But the noble she choose, Cygnus Évantail, just had her fun with her for a while before he left her pregnant and alone. Yeah, no wonder she became bitter. But what was less understandable was how her mother considered her own daughter guilty for her condition, while the only thing Grenadine did was being born a bastard.

Another problem was that the village they lived in was a conservative one. Bastards weren’t loved, considered less and Grenadine had those looks on her every day she lived there. The inn keeper who engaged her mother out of “charity”, even had to point out her condition. The only person who loved Grenadine and who took care of her was the inn keepers wife. She was the one to believe her, to never mock her for her wish to become a Magic Knight and who encouraged her to train her fan magic.

That woman sadly died not long after Grenadine got her grimoire. So, nothing else held her back in that village. Grenadine tried to talk things out with her mother, but she wouldn’t hear anything. So, Grenadine left the village for the royal capital, determined to join a Magic Knight squad.

She was lucky, then she got there just in time for a special entrance exam. This year, there would be two, because of the whole raid in the Spade kingdom, so Grenadine didn’t need to wait for months for the next one. She seemed to have done well , because she managed to impress six captains out of nine.

Six captains wanted to give her a chance and let her join their squads. The villagers were certain that none would take her, and yet…

One of those captains was Nozel Silva, a royal and the captain of the Silver Eagles.

This had taken Grenadine aback. Everyone told her that the Silver Eagles only accepted nobles and royals in their ranks, no one less. And yet, the captain of this squad raised his hand, offering her a place as a Silver Eagle.

Honestly, it was too good to be true, so she accepted. Actually, Grenadine had been surprised, because most of the knights she met were welcoming of the bastard she was. Sometimes, she wondered if it has always been like this behind the appearances or if the Silver Eagles just started to be more open minded recently.

Of course, she met a bunch of arrogant nobles within the Silver Eagles, like her half-brother Samuel. Grenadine first had naively hoped that some of her father’s family would accept her, but interacting with her half-brother made her unwilling to try to reach out. She learned that the Évantails were mostly arrogant jerks and the family tree was incredibly messy. If all members of this noble house were like that, then Grenadine didn’t want to interact with them at all.

The Silver Eagles were her home, almost becoming like family to her, as strange as it might sound. The older knights were like mentors, the younger ones became somehow siblings, vice-captain Agatha was always nice and supportive. And captain Nozel, despite being busy, always tried to find some time to supervise her training and even helping her, in his own ways. He was a good captain and today, Grenadine was deeply grateful that he gave her chance, even though she was a bastard daughter.

If only she could give him back some of his kindness somehow.

While she was thinking and remembering, Grenadine reached the night quarters. Although, not exactly. She reached the hall were captain Nozel has his chamber. He didn’t often slept at the base, but when he did, it was always in this particular chamber that was pretty much apart from the rest.

Grenadine thought that he must have his reasons why his bedroom was not along the others. Honestly, captain Nozel was always very secretive with his private life, if he had any, and was still a mystery to her today. She was curious, but also knew better than to push or digging. The few things she gathered from the history of house Silva, especially concerning the late lady Acier, sounded tragic and she wouldn’t be surprised if captain Nozel suffered terribly back then.

The door to his chamber was slightly open. Did he slept at the base last night? No, if he did, the captain would have closed and locked his door. That was always a habit of his, he always locked his office three times when he left and when he was in there, no one could just waltz in, everyone had to knock and wait for his answer before entering, even vice-captain Agatha.

But his room at the base was also always locked, even when he wasn’t sleeping there. Maybe he forgot? But it was so unlike captain Nozel to forget anything. He had such a good memory, he even always remembered a small detail a knight said like a year ago.

Suddenly, Grenadine grinned, putting her tray on the floor against the wall. It was actually a unique occasion to see what his room was like. Many Silver Eagles always speculated what kind of style he had. Well, she was about to find out.

Just a peek, though. That would be enough, entering his bedroom would be highly disrespecting.

But when she took a glance to the gap of the door, the first thing Grenadine saw was the bed. Not empty. To her surprise, captain Nozel actually was here.

And he wasn’t alone in his bed…

The wheels in her brain were only working slowly as Grenadine tried to understand what this could mean and to recognize the woman who was in her captains arms.

Rosewood hair, a really beautiful face who seemed very familiar. Grenadine frowned. She had seen that woman before, sometimes. Always when there was a report coming from another squad, the Black Bulls actually. So, wasn’t that Vanessa Enoteca, the witch who was also a Magic Knight, member of the Black Bulls.

The Black Bull witch was here, in captain Nozel’s chamber, in his bed.

Actually, they were in each other’s arms, bodies intertwined, silver and pink hair mixed, a blanket covering them from the waist.

Wait a minute!

Grenadine jumped away from the door and leaned against the opposite wall, trying to breathe normally.

The captain of the Silver Eagles was in the arms of the Black Bull witch.

Nozel Silva and Vanessa Enoteca were lovers.

One of the most eligible royal bachelors of the kingdom had a witch, someone way far away from his own circles, as his lover.

A royal and a witch were lovers!

Holy Grimoire!

Grenadine stood frozen against the wall as she slowly realized was this would imply for nobility, for royalty and more importantly… for those two lovers especially.

She did hear some rumours within her squadmates about the dreamy state captain Nozel had lightly. But even though she wondered about it as well, Grenadine would have never imagined that he could be in love.

At least, not with someone out of his circles. But should this really be surprising? Was she more shocked that it was a witch or about the reaction corrupt nobles would have?

Grenadine wasn’t blind, she did saw how some nobles, even some Silver Eagles, were treating captain Nozel, subtle for sure, but still disrespectful. She didn’t know why and since when, but she also knew that he didn’t deserve to get some little respect. Especially since he always put others before himself. He deserved some kind of happiness and right there, with Vanessa Enoteca in his arms, captain Nozel actually looked happy while he slept.

But nobles would never accept that, right?

“Oh, little newbie hatchling, what did shocked you that much to glue you against the wall?”

Grenadine jumped as she heard the voice. Thankfully, it was only granny Julia coming from the refectory as well, with a tray of breakfast.

“Goodness, are we attacked again by devils that you react like that?”

“No, it’s just… captain Nozel…”

Julia’s smile faded away, while concern appeared in her golden eyes. “Did something happened to him?”

Granny Julia didn’t even waited for an answer, as she rushed to the still slight open door, taking a glance into the room.

“Oh. Oh my. Oh by my old bones.”

Julia immediately took a step away, closing the door silently. Grenadine bit her lip. Actually, she should have done that from the start instead of looking and getting shocked. Damn curiosity.

The golden eyes of the oldest Silver Eagle were now filled with relief, although the concern didn’t disappeared.

“Well, I was certain that young Nozel was in love, but I haven’t expected that his lady love would be the Black Bull witch. Although, it explains why… Never mind. Captain Nozel and his witch lover will need a lot of support. His jerk of a father will give him hell if he ever finds out.”

“Father?” Grenadine asked. Lady Acier, the mother of the four Silva siblings, was always a subject, but she never heard about the father.

“Yes, young Aciers husband. Lac Silva, anciently from that good for nothing house Wavecliff. A true jerk, trust me. He was always thinking about himself. Besides, he has no inch of love for his children, especially Nozel. Don’t ask me why, though. Fact is, if he learns that his son is in love with a witch, he would give them hell.”

“That sounds awful…”

“Exactly, little hatchling. Captain Nozel deserves to finally have something good happening to him personally and while I don’t know Vanessa well, she seems like a very kind hearted person. She doesn’t deserve hell either.”

“But… what can we do?”

“You and I will have a discussion over breakfast about that. I don’t know everything about that family’s history, but I know quite a lot, I was knight already under Roland Silva, young Nozel’s great-uncle. And if you want to help, you need to understand a bit more. Now, take your tray, we’ll eat and talk in my room.”

When Julia Ambrosia decided something, there was no chance to argue. So, Grenadine took her tray and followed the old knight.

♣♣♣

Charlotte was just looking at her mother.

And her mother looked back.

Alright, this silence was starting to get on her nerves. As if she wasn’t fed up since she came here. Charlotte got an invitation for tea for her mother, just the two of them. It was the first time her mother reached out to her since that soirée from two months ago, when Charlotte stood up to Orchidea.

Charlotte had no idea how to feel about this. Her bond with her mother was strained since that evening and given all the arranged marriage discussions lately, she hadn’t been too eager to rekindle that bond, sadly.

Although she never would have thought that her mother would reach out first. But she was still met with silence since she entered lady Orchideas boudoir. By her honour as a Magic Knight, Charlotte didn’t came here to just get silence in return! She preferred to return to her squad.

Or to see Yami. She once thought that the moment they got together, the longing for him would calm down. But it just got stronger. Was it because they came from different circles, had right now a secret relationship which was still very young and were both very aware of their situation?

It wasn’t too long ago, but the more she thought about it felt to be in his arms and making love, the more she longed to be back in his arms. Not only to sleep with him, but also to just talk, to tease each other, to cuddle, to spend time together…

To do any of those things a couple would do. The possibilities were actually endless.

She really had enough of this silence.

“Mother, if you don’t-“

“I’m sorry that I reached out to you only now,” lady Orchidea immediately said and from the tone of her voice, she was really sorry. “It’s just… what you told me two months ago, it reminded me of memories I tried to forget for years now. But those are also things I shouldn’t have put under the rug. It’s just… I was a coward, many times in my life. And to be fair, you… you were right to stand up to me.”

Alright, Charlotte didn’t expected that. She didn’t have any idea what to answer.

Looking over at her mother, who always looked younger than her age, she realized for the first time that lady Orchidea had wrinkles around her bright green eyes and there was already strands of grey in her black hair. And she looked so tired.

A mask was fallen. Her mother had decided to show her a very vulnerable side of herself, something most nobles would never dare to do. Charlotte started to feel bad for her mother.

“I warn you, it’s a bit a long story. And won’t tell you that to excuse my actions or to give good reasons to marry you of. I… don’t even beg you to understand me. But you deserve to know. All I ask of you is to listen to me.”

“I promise, mother.”

Orchidea took a deep breath. “I was sixteen when I was married of to your father. No surprise here, it’s still very normal for nobility. But what isn’t normal and what no one knew until now… I wasn’t a virgin anymore when I got married.”

Charlotte was very grateful that she didn’t have a cup of tea in her hands right now, because it would have fallen from her hands and break into thousand pieces.

“I understand your shock. And you can call out on my hypocrisy, as I always taught you noble ladies should stay virgins until their wedding day. It doesn’t matter that most nobles think that, I followed the rule. This was my mistake, one of many.”

“With… whom…”

“A peasant, Pierrot. Yes, I lost my virginity to someone way outside of my circle. But Pierrot and I… we were hopelessly in love, passionately and innocently at the same time. First love for the both of us. We always met in secret. We actually even planned to run away together, in another kingdom, even another continent. It was never a real plan, more the fantasies of two teenagers hopelessly in love. No one ever knew about us. Except his mother, she find out. You can imagine her panic. Her son, a peasant in love with a noble lady. It was dangerous, the consequences would have been terrible if someone with ill intentions would have found out. She reasoned with us and since I was about to get married, Pierrot and I listened to her. His mother was kind enough to give us one last night together. And that’s how I lost my virginity. At least, it was to someone I loved.”

“That man, Pierrot… Is he-“

“No, he’s not your real father. Although I would have preferred, Pierrot is so much kinder than Fidel. But it just wasn’t possible. You never knew, no one ever knew except my mother and an aunt, but… it is almost impossible for me to have children. It’s not quite an illness and not complete sterility, but still a difficult condition. I hated it, especially since I never could have gotten a child from Pierrot. I actually even believed I would never have some… Until I got you when I was eighteen. My little miracle. But I feared that you would inherit the same condition as me. Thankfully, the healer I brought you to gave me the relieving news that you didn’t got that condition. You would not have difficulties to have children. That was my relief. I just regretted that I was never able to give you any siblings.”

Charlotte looked away. Well, she actually got a sibling, but not from her mother.

“I tried to accept my life, to make the best out of it. I don’t love my husband and never got more children after you. But I had you and my position was secure, I wasn’t an outcast in the family. It should have been enough. I just couldn’t forget my love for Pierrot and I tried to fall in love with Fidel, so that I would have something similar again. It never worked, but during the first years of marriage, I kinda forced myself to live in an illusion that it worked. But then, your father… he cheated on me and-“

“I know that already. He had an affair with a poor innocent girl from the Common Realm and conceived a bastard.”

“You know already?”

“I was there, mother. Remember that I was supposed to come with you and other family members on a shopping trip? But I wasn’t feeling well, so I stood behind. I witnessed how father treated that poor girl, I saw how he chased her away with his own child. Why do you think I never gave father presents since I was ten years old?”

“Oh, my poor Charlotte…”

“How did you find out?”

“I forgot something, so I went back home to get it. That’s how I found out, about your fathers affair and the fact he got a bastard son. And of course he chased her and his own child away, he is a typical noble on that matter.”

Charlotte never saw her mother this upset before. It was an uncommon sight, especially because Orchidea still looked so upset about it. Her mother sighed deeply before continuing, “That whole affair hurt me, more than it should have. But I found it so unfair. I was never able to get more children and your father just throw his second child away, because it was a bastard, humiliating that poor girl by doing so. I tried so much to love him and wanted to believe it was true, but he cheated on me like it was no big deal. From that day on, I stopped trying to love Fidel.”

“Mother…”

“It was a dark time for me. You might remember that I was kinda absent back then. I’m so sorry for that, my sweet girl. I just… your father’s adultery hurt me more than it should have. Since I had to know better… Pierrot’s memory became so strong, I longed for the feeling he gave me. I haven’t thought about anything, I went back to the Forsaken Realm to see him.”

“Did you… became lovers again?”

“No. Actually, Pierrot never saw me, but I saw him from afar. With his family.”

“Oh…”

“Pierrot did something I wasn’t able to do. He moved on. He find himself a kind wife to cherish for the rest of his life and who loved him back. They got eight children together. I saw them play on the grass in front of their cabin. Three boys and five girls. I heard the name of one of his daughters. Orchidea. He named her after me. Pierrot never forgot me, but he still had the strength to move on. All of them seemed so happy. Who was I to destroy their idyl, just because I was unhappy in my own life? So I left, Pierrot never knew I came back.”

Tears filled her mothers eyes. Still grieving her lost love. Charlotte felt so bad for her. She never knew what her mother had to go through. It maybe wasn’t a curse, not a loss because of devils, nothing like that. Just emotions. But those could also hurt as much as a curses or devils.

While handing her mother a handkerchief, Charlotte asked softly, “Where you able to move on after that?”

“From Pierrot, yes. But not from my longing for affection and love. It was terrible. And… it was around back then when I commit one of the biggest mistake of my life. Shortly after I came back from the Forsaken Realm, there was a royal ball at the Vermillions. The Roseleis were invited too, of course. I didn’t had any fun, I was still moping, even though I forced myself to never show anything. I drank a lot during that ball, trying to cope. My mind wasn’t clear anymore. And then… Oh, Charlotte, I’m so ashamed of what I’ve done. A man came to me… I don’t if we talked first or if I just followed him. I was drunk and starving for at least a bit of affection. We went to an empty bedroom, somewhere in the Vermillion palace. And I… I slept with that man!”

Orchidea started sobbing and all Charlotte could do was to stand up, walk over to her and hugged her mother as much as she could.

“Mother, please. It’s not your fault.”

“It is! I was mad at your father for his adultery and then, I did the same. I’m a hypocrite.”

“Father had no regrets and was totally concious of his actions, he had no excuses. But you have. You were in a dark phase of your life and you were drunk. If anything, that man practically took advantage of you.”

This made Charlotte furious. She was always hated when something like that happened to any woman. But here, it happened to her own mother!

“Who is this man? Don’t tell me he left you in a drunk sleep after you… slept together.”

“No, he waited until I was awake the next morning. But… given the circumstances, I would have preferred that he left. The fact that he staid was worse. Because he used our night together somehow as a leverage.”

“How dare he! He was more at fault as you!”

“You heard of Lac Silva’s reputation, right?”

This made Charlotte froze. Lac Silva. Nozels father. One noble really well loved, so popular even that king Augustus and Achilles Vermillion spoke so highly of him, even though lord Lac only married into royalty, so wasn’t a full royal and actually came originally from low nobility. And still, he became so influential within nobles, mostly those who weren’t knights.

She never that man personally, she just mostly knew of his reputation within nobility. She also knew that Nozel didn’t seem to love his father at all and his siblings also never talked about in particular. Charlotte was even certain that Lac Silva wasn’t a kind man, just a very intelligent noble who knew what to do to gain his goal.

And this man was the man her mother had a one-night-stand with?

“What… what did he said to you?”

“First off, he laughed at my shock. Then he told me casually that thanks to my condition, he actually didn’t need to use protection this time.”

“The audacity! And what did he meant with this time?”

“It probably wasn’t the first time he had an one-night-stand with someone. Poor lady Acier… I remember how she always seems so deeply in love with lord Lac. Back then, she was still recovering from her last pregnancy. Solid Silvas birth had been quite a difficult one and there was rumours that the healers and midwives told her she better had to wait for at least five years if she wanted another child. But as you know, she got pregnant again before that with Noelle Silva. It wasn’t an easy time for the Silvas. I think lady Acier somehow found out about her husband’s adultery and wanted to win him back with a child. I don’t know. But I felt so guilty. I took her husband away from her, even if it was just for one night.”

“No, the only culprit is Lac Silva. You were a victim just as much as lady Acier. Oh mother… If I had known, I wouldn’t have been so harsh on you!”

“No, you were right to stand up. You had the courage I never had, Charlotte. I wish I was as brave as you.”

“It took already a lot of inner strength to go through that and still walk with your head high. And it was brave of you to tell me all of this. Trust me, mother. I know from experience how difficult it is to talk about heavy secrets.”

Both mother and daughter hold each other for a while in silent, enjoying a closeness they never knew before.

But after a while, Charlotte couldn’t help but ask with a quiet voice, “What… what did Lac Silva told you after that?”

“He gave up on casual talk immediately. Actually, he told me about you… Or rather, your future marriage.”

Charlotte tensed.

“You have to know that lord Lac is an important authority on the marital market. Just like lady Bianca, the head of house Évantail. Or lady Athénaïs Vitrail, even though she isn’t twenty-six yet. Six or seven other people as well, maybe more. It’s not an official business, it’s not even considered as it. Officially it doesn’t exist, but it has power. Those people don’t make the final decisions, but they are very popular within nobility and their influence is strong. To a point that in some cases, their suggestion for arranged marriages can be definite.”

“And… Lac Silva?”

“He definitely is one with the strongest influence and reputation. And he wasn’t very subtle when he talked to me about you. Lord Lac directly said that he didn’t trust me to find you a potential match and that our house would probably more listening to me if I don’t get better on this topic. I protested, but he pointed out that since I drank last night and slept with him, it doesn’t speak highly for me. Then he left, leaving me alone. Our house members think so highly of him and I practically gave him a reason that I shouldn’t be trusted. But… I just couldn’t let him decide over your future. I couldn’t!”

“Is that… is that why you try to marry into royalty?”

“Oh, Charlotte, my baby girl! I feel so bad for this! But I stopped believing in love since that fateful night and all I wanted was to find a good man for you, so that my history wouldn’t repeat itself. And marrying you into royalty seemed like a good idea to get you out of his clutches. The Silvas probably don’t held their father in high regards and people like lord Fuegoleon or lady Océane have a good authority in house Vermillion and aren’t hypnotized by lord Lac. I have considered lord Damnatio as well, as he’s not someone lord Lac could manipulate. But I don’t think he would make you happy, unlike lord Nozel or lord Fuegoleon. That’s why I…”

Orchidea stopped, sobbing again. But Charlotte understood what she wanted to say.

“So that’s why you tried to pair me up with two of my captain colleagues.”

“I was wrong, I realized that now. The day you stand up to me and claiming you wanted to marry out of love, I realized that I was wrong. It wasn’t my intention, but now I know that I was hurting you with those potential candidates.”

“At least, you wanted me to be happy, to be safe. You never wanted to use me for some goal like aunt Rosamund or father. It wasn’t the best idea and it did hurt me. But you were hurt too, mother, and at least, you still put my happiness before anything else. I can’t deny you that and I don’t want either. Speaking of aunt Rosamund, is her suggestion to marry me to lord Reginald Évantail in fact Lac Silva’s idea.”

“No, I can guarantee you that. She has lord Lac in high esteem, that’s true. But you know Rosamund, she’s too stubborn to let anyone suggest her anything.”

“That’s true… Mother, there’s something I need to tell you. About me marrying out of love. Well, do you remember my curse?”

“How could I forget?”

“Well, I don’t think you know, but… the catch to break the curse was for me to lose my heart to a man. And… this is exactly what happened to me. I fell in love with the man who saved me from the thorns running wild. I loved him for ten years. I still love him today. I don’t think I can ever stop loving him.”

It was true. Charlotte was certain that she won’t be able to ever stop loving Yami. Especially now, after they finally started their relationship.

How much she wanted to be back in his arms right now. Especially after she learned all those things from her mother. But at the same time, she couldn’t leave Orchidea alone.

For the first time since Charlotte came, a small smile was on her mother’s lips. “Whoever this man is, I have to thank him for saving you. But don’t tell me who he is. At least not yet. I’m not trusting myself to be really someone to trust with this kind of things.”

“I think you are trustworthy, mother. But I respect your position. Let me tell you this still. He’s not a noble or a royal.”

“I expected that. I promise you to support you from now on as much as I can, even if it’s against the status quo.”

“Thank you, mother.”

A comfortable silence settled between mother and daughter. Charlotte sighed deeply. All those arranged marriage problems weren’t over, but it still felt like a burden fell from her shoulders. She knew now why her mother truly wanted to marry her off and now she had her support with Yami. That was more than she could ask from Orchidea.

Feeling herself in a sharing mood, Charlotte said after a while, “You know, I actually met my half-sibling recently. My little brother…”

“Really? Can you please tell me about him?”

“His name is Luck and…”

Charlotte spend the rest of her visit to tell her mother everything about Luck. To a point that at the end, lady Orchidea Roselei looked like she wanted to adopt him.

♣♣♣

“What a nice place to be,” Finesse smiled, taking a sip from the blue juice Charmy gave her and enjoying the afternoon sun.

“Indeed, it’s one of the calmest place at the hideout. Granted, we don’t have a lot of calm spots, we’re the Black Bulls after all. But this one is the best,” Vanessa replied in a giggle, searching for a light blue thread within her sewing box.

Both women were currently sitting on the bench next to Charmys vegetable garden. Indeed one of the calmer place at the Black Bulls hideout and the best spot if someone wanted to be alone for a moment or just hang out in peace with someone.

And honestly, given Finesse’s health and even though the Black Bulls learned to pull themselves together around her, it was the best place for her to rest properly from Bull’s behaviour.

Finesse came again for a visit and while waiting for Finral until he finishes his shift, she asked Vanessa to keep her some company. Which Vanessa accepted. She liked Finesse a lot, not only because she made Finral happy, but also because she was just such a kind lady.

So, Vanessa brought Finesse to the Vegetable Bench, as the Black Bulls called this spot, and took her sewing box with her, for a nice girly chat.

“Does Luck cope well, by being the little brother of captain Charlotte Roselei?”

“Of course Finral told you. In fact, Luck is overjoyed. He’s really bragging about having such a strong big sister. It’s getting on Magna’s nerves especially, but I think it’s cute.”

“I’m glad he and Charlotte have such a strong bond already. It is pretty rare in those bastard situations, sadly. I hope it will become better one day. Maybe Luck and lady Charlotte can start to make a difference.”

“You’re really kind-hearted, Fin. But that won’t be for now. Both still want to keep it for themselves for now, before the storms, as captain Charlotte put it.”

“It’s very understandable. Nobles can be so quick to jump to conclusions most of the time. I guess that I’m the only one outside of the Black Bulls and the Blue Roses to know about those new found siblings.”

Vanessa giggled, but didn’t answered. After all, she was the only one who knew that Finesse wasn’t the only one outside of both squads to know about Charlotte and Luck. Nozel knew it too, after all.

But both Finesse and Nozel were perfectly able to keep the secret until it was time to make it official to the world.

Vanessa smiled, probably dreamy. It had been a perfect morning when she woke up in Nozels arms and even more so when she kissed him awake. They just started their relationship a few days ago and it already felt like they were together for longer than that.

It was still a secret, yes, for many reasons. Right now, no one else knew about them. But surprisingly, it didn’t bothered Vanessa as much as she imagined. It still felt like a pretty normal relationship, when they continue to meet pretty much like dates, under the willow in the parc, the café or anywhere else, really.

Also, Vanessa understood why it was still a secret. She might still not know or understand everything about royalty and nobility, but still enough to understand why it was better to not blurt it out.

Actually, she was enjoying this calm secrecy. For now, it was enough, being just with Nozel was enough. Even more than that. Sometimes, she had the feeling that it was him would sometimes felt fed up with the secrecy.

Maybe because he had secrets for so long, he probably had enough of them and didn’t like to keep secret something that made him happy.

Indeed, since they spend time together and even more since they were a secret couple, Nozel seemed happier than he was before. His eyes seemed to brighten up every time he saw her and his smile was more often to seen when they were alone together. As if she made his cold mask disappear by her simple presence.

Did she really had that effect on him?

Well, Nozel definitely had an effect on her. She felt more curious about the world of royals and nobles, she drank less than before and… well, she couldn’t sleep alone anymore. It just felt somehow terribly wrong to be alone in her bed, without someone next to her. Without Nozel, being in his arms or he in hers.

Even more, he definitely cared about her. All those little gestures proved it, even though he always seemed to fear that he wasn’t doing enough. But he was, more than that. Nozel maybe even already cared about her before they became a couple. Why else would he have gifted her that amazing sewing box?

“You really love that sewing box,” Finesse commented, gesturing at said box. Right, she had been there when Vanessa got that gift.

“Oh, that I do. It just has everything! I already loved any kind of needlework before, but thanks to this, I have more motivation than before. Speaking of motivation, when do you and Finral plan to have little babies? I volunteer to sew you all the baby clothing and tiny Black Bull robes for the little ones.”

Finesse chuckled, clearly amused. “When the time is here, we will surely talk to you about it, Vanessa. But I think that won’t be for soon.”

“Oh, why? You don’t want some yet?”

“Oh no, that’s not it. But Finral and I would love to have children one day. It’s just difficult, due to my health.”

“You can’t have any?” Vanessa asked quietly, suddenly scared to asked something hurtful.

To her relief, Finesse just laughed gently, not looking pained by the question at all.

“I understand that this would be the first thought you have, but no, I am actually fertile. I can have children. But a pregnancy in my condition is very risky, so we need to be very cautious. Finral and I talked about adoption sometimes. It’s not usual for nobility to adopt and not loved either, but I don’t really care if it’s the norm or not.”

“Why is adoption not loved in nobility,” Vanessa asked, surprised. “You don’t need to be only bond by blood to be like family.”

“I know. You Black Bulls are one of the best proofs of it or Astas little church family in Hage. But family feeling and affection isn’t the norm within nobility. What’s more important is to continue the line, the bloodline, and for that, you need heirs. Not adopted but from your own blood. The reasons and excuses for this are various and complex, so I won’t bother you with them. But adoption is considered a commoner or peasant luxury, because nobles care more about the bloodline and if the heirs will get a magic that matches the family standard. Even I have sometimes to understand this logic myself. But this is sadly how the majority of nobles view things that should actually be beautiful and honourable.”

 “This sucks.”

“Crude, but true. But I know the status quo and this is not a useless knowledge. Knowing how it works is always helpful if you want to make a change, even the tiniest one. There’s not much I can do because I’m not so healthy, but I still can do something. Adoption is one of those things I can do. Even better if it’s with Finral. We have already Langris’ support for this decision and my mother is on our side as well, that’s important.”

Vanessa paused in her embroidery to look at Finesse with surprise, but also admiration. Despite her poor health, Finrals wife was much more determined than she looked like. She might seem just kind, accepting and discreet, which she was, but underneath she was more than that. She used her knowledge to help and to change things into a better shape. Finesse might knew that she couldn’t do much and not everything she probably wanted, but that didn’t seemed to stop her. It seemed that for her, even the smallest changes were powerful successes.

Vanessa smiled. Finral got himself a wonderful wife.

But Finesse’s words, it still made her wonder…

Was it so difficult for uncorrupted nobles and royals to make a change in their circle? Vanessa knew now that not every noble and royal in the kingdom were arrogant jerks who just thought about themselves. Finesse and her mother weren’t, Finral too and Langris as well, now that he was free from the influence of his parents and starting to be more decent. Noelle wasn’t like that either or Gauche. Mereoleona was a league on her own, captain Fuegoleon was loyal and true to a point it deserved an award, and Leopold, and Mimosa. Even difficult people like Kirsch Vermillion and even more so Nebra Silva at least started to use what they could to make a change, as tiny as it seemed.

There were actually more uncorrupted nobles and royals than one would thought.

And Nozel was one of them…

Did he want things to change? It wouldn’t surprise Vanessa, honestly. Nozel seemed so often unhappy about so many topics, be it responsibility or not. He didn’t show it, but it was there, Vanessa didn’t learned to look behind his cold mask for nothing. Whatever his course of action was, it certainly wasn’t open and direct, more hidden and on the long run for the results. At least, that’s how she came to understand him.

Why was he acting like this, though? Why the most difficult and complicated way? Has it to do with the fact he lost his mother and had to take over a royal house while still being a child? A grieving and broken child at that? How did this influenced the view others had of him, especially those nobles who didn’t seemed to respect him like at first glance.

Vanessa liked at Finesse again, who was just enjoying the afternoon sun. Well, she was a royal, even though she was came from a secondary branch and by that wasn’t directly a Kira. But that didn’t matter to Vanessa now, those topic about main and secondary branches were too complicated anyway. But as a royal, Finesse surely has her opinion on Nozel.

“Finesse…”

“Hm?”

“What do you know about Nozel Silva?”

“The captain of the Silver Eagles? Why do you ask? Do you want to join his fan-club? Well, he is good-looking and many girls have a crush on him.”

“No, that’s not it,” Vanessa replied as casual as she could, trying her best to not blush. She really hoped that she didn’t already said too much

She also hoped that the fact of Nozels fan-club won’t bother her that much. She already knew he was popular within the kingdom, she already knew he had admirers. Why wouldn’t he, he was handsome, more than that? Besides, Vanessa had his heart and she knew him, unlike those girls who probably only saw an image of him. So, why should this bother her.

Finesse just smiled, but didn’t ask or tease. In fact, she just put her hands on her lap and started to tell, “Well, you know, Nozel and I almost got engaged years ago.”

“Wait, what?”

Vanessa almost let her embroidery fall due to the shock. Finesse just chuckled with compassion at her reaction.

“I know, it is kinda surprising. It’s no wonder you’re a bit shocked. It was never public knowledge, so there’s that.”

“How… how was that decided?”

“It’s not really a happy story, it is more sad. You know, there aren’t many Silvas anymore, not even secondary branches. Just four. Nozel, Nebra, Solid and Noelle. Compared to the Kiras and Vermillions who counts many members, it is less than the accepted minimum, in a way. Some believe that house Silva is cursed, because most of the members either die young or in celibacy, for most. Personally, I don’t believe it’s true, it just happens to be a sad coincidence. Add to this that the current house heads of the Kiras and the Vermillions doesn’t like the Silvas, especially Nozel. I don’t exactly know where this Silva-phobia comes from, exactly. It was already there before when lady Acier was house head, maybe even at the times of her father, Roc Silva. But it seems to have increased after her death, when Nozel came in charge. He was only fifteen, after all.”

Vanessa had no idea what to say.

“It is rare that royals marries into another royal house, but it can happen. But I’m not fully a Kira, just a Calmreich and with my health, me bearing children was a high risk. Some people thought back then that maybe I won’t have any. And I think this was a reason why I was suggested as potential fiancée for lord Nozel. Giving the head of house Silva a spouse that probably won’t give him any children, won’t continue the Silva bloodline, while there was so few Silvas left. I think it was lord Achilles Vermillions idea, he’s always so harsh on the Silvas. But that didn’t continue, because even he knew that fragilize another royal house like that could fragilize the whole royalty in Clover. Besides, Lac Silva, the father of the current Silva siblings, wasn’t so keen on the perspective and since my uncle and lord Achilles have him in high regards, they gave up on the project. Which was a relief for both Nozel and me. Now, I’m married to Finral and I hope Nozel would find someone as well to cherish.”

There was almost a teasing undertone within the last sentence, but Vanessa didn’t jumped on it. What Finesse told her lined up perfectly with what she already gathered concerning Nozels world and story. She had no idea what to say, what to even think concretely. It was so fucked up and unfair, to both Nozel and Finesse.

But one thing was clear to Vanessa. “Neither you nor Nozel deserved to be treated that way. Adopted or not, you’re going to be an amazing mother, Finesse.”

She was certain of that. Finesse had been treated unfairly with that almost engagement to Nozel, just because of her health. It was admirable how she dealt with it and how it proves that she was stronger than most people would give her credit for. She and Finral deserved to be parents in the future.

Nozel too deserved this kind of happiness, not for continuing the Silva bloodline, but because it was time that good things would happen to him, after what he’d been through since his mother died.

Vanessa wondered for a moment what kind of parent he would be. Maybe overprotective, but certainly caring, that she was sure of it. She could see him taking time for his children, being a good father for them…

Well, it was of course too early to think about this kind of future, but Vanessa couldn’t help but dream a bit. Nozel smiling, with a silver haired baby in his arms. Or was the hair more pink?

Wait, what was she thinking about? That was way more focused than the daydreams she had lately. Why was she thinking so clearly about such a future when their relationship was still so young and still a secret?

And somehow, it made her happy…

“Thank you Vanessa. Well, I think you’re going to be an amazing aunt. And a mother as well, but it’s really too early for that for now, am I right?”

What?

Vanessa almost dropped her embroidery again, stunned, while looking at Finesse, who had a kind and know smile on her lips. Wait… Did Finesse know about… Did she had suspicions of a sort? How?

Vanessa couldn’t ask, because Charmy called for dinner. Finesse stood up immediately, putting a hand on Vanessas shoulder before going back into the hideout. Somehow, that gesture had felt so encouraging, telling her to not give up.

Shocked, hopeful, frightened, happy… A mix of emotions run through Vanessa, as she almost automatically put her work back and took her sewing box, before walking back to the hideout.

Was she ready or not? For what exactly?

But one thing was certain. Nozel would now always be part of her life.

[alexridersecretsanta]

The Great Reveal!

Today is the day to lift the anonymity of the authors! We hope you had fun reading all the Yalex goodness, here come the authors reveal:

A Spark of Magic by LastlyMatt for Myulalie (T, 5k) Alex is dragged back after years to finish what he started. Scorpia wants to reawaken the vampire Julia Rothman, and it's up to Alex to do it. During this, he reunites with Yassen, who tries to help him one more time. Inflection Point by Kelkblr for RavenJames (T, 7,5K) There are moments that change your life, moments where you might have made a different decision and taken a different path. A routine mission takes an unexpected turn, giving Alex an opportunity to take advantage of one such moment.

Somebody To Die For by RavenJames for LastlyMatt (M, 5K) The legends are true. They are just not what we expect them to be. Entangled in a strange enemies-with-benefits relationship with Yassen, Alex has an assignment to keep the man under close surveillance. He doesn’t know that things might get even more complicated.

The Right Touch by Strange_Soulmates for countessrivers (E, 3K) Lieutenant Yassen Gregorovich of the ISB spends enough time stalking Rebel Agent Alex Rider in real life. Alex just wishes the man could stop stalking his dreams as well. He has no idea just how accurate the idea of Yassen "stalking his dreams" is. All things are possible through the force, after all. A birthday Surprise by Sigma for kelkblr (E, 35K) When Tom informs him that he's hired a stripper for Alex's 18th birthday party, he wasn't quite expecting what he received. Yassen Gregorovich wasn't quite expecting the hurricane that was Alex Rider either.....it remained to be seen which one of them ended up more surprised....Alex Rider Yalex - somewhat AU. Alex and Yassen have never met before in this. The Last Job by fredbassett for kelkblr (T, 4K) When a close personal protection job ends in disasterous failure an injured Alex has to survive a freezing night and even colder encounter with his former lover.

Alex Rider 2024 by DarlingNikki for greenkite (shirohyasha) (E, 14K) Time moves on and Alex is no longer a scared fourteen year old swimming completely out of his depth. Almost twenty-five years have passed and the world is a completely different place with changes he’d thought were pure sci-fi are just boring reality now. Or Alternatively, Alex gets his retirement from MI6, but too bad they think he's a disposable pawn that's the prefect guinea pig for testing some dodgy new tech, and ends up with a very familiar ghost living under his skin. A Cyberpunk 2077 inspired AU/fusion that's also a prequel for the game technically, but 100% blind readable.

tissue culture by greenkite (shirohyasha) for Polarnacht (n/r, 3,5K) He's not in the dacha. He knows every centimetre of that house, and the dark, cold room he woke up in isn't in it. Alex goes to rescue Yassen from the mad scientists of the week. He finds more than expected.

Dangerous Tastes by Myulalie for turtle_snail (E, 14k) After a failed assassination attempt during his horse ride around the property, Alex gets a bodyguard against his will. He keeps flirting with danger from then on, even at the risk of getting his heart broken.

Spare the Rod by countessrivers for TheOtherBlue (E, 4,5k) Alex goes tAlex gets caught trying to escape from Point Blanc. Mr. Gregorovich handles the punishment.

Devil in Disguise by Polarnacht for DarlingNikki (E, 7K) Alex is sent to break into Yassen’s house and retrieve important documents. He discovers more than he ever bargained for.

Collateral by Rirren for Strange_Soulmates (E, 12k) Alex was asked to come in to speak to an imprisoned Yassen. He didn't know he was signing up for 24 hours of hell. Like A Delicate, Dangerous Desire by turtle_snail for Sigma (E, 5k) There was something so serene to look down at Alex like this, and the wide expression of uncertainties etched on Alex’s face. It was akin to ambrosia. A delicate desire that only Yassen could enjoy. “Maybe I should teach you a lesson… about what happens to apprentices who misbehave.” Alex didn’t respond, instead whatever fear was present in Alex’s eyes morphed into determination. It was a look that was so characteristically Alex.

Who By Brave Assent by TheOtherBlue for Rirren (E, 6,5k) When Yassen is offered a sixteen-year-old Alex for the night, he has no choice but to accept. He has never enjoyed sleeping with strangers as part of his work, but Alex is no stranger... Vastly Different Things by Myulalie&Polarnacht for fredbassett (T, 4k) Alex almost gets tossed from a helicopter into a river in Chile, and spends some quality time with a certain assassin.

We hope you enjoyed the event, reading & commenting and guessing! How many did you guess right? Happy Yalex holidays to everyone!

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (10-16 Dec 2023)

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🥰 Second Chances in New Port Stephen (TJ Alexander, author; Aden Hakimi & Feodor Chin, narrator) - 2nd chance romance between 2 former HS sweethearts after Eli comes back home to his small FL home town (post-transition & unemployed due to proximity to an industry scandal) and reconnects with Nick (who left for college, came back, got married & divorced and became a (hot) dad). Also there is a fat ginger cat named Sweet Potato. I kind of love what a mess Eli is. Nick is also a bit of a mess but masking it better. I loved them both.

💖💖 +120K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

The First Rule of Book Club series (Deisderium) - MCU: stucky, 28K - reread for stucky bookclub; a forever fave where recovering Bucky joins a book club - just a warm hug of a series, with a fantastic OC (unfortunately does have period-typical reading of HP but I was able to just focus on everything else)

tattoo your last bruise (ftmsteverogers) - MCU: stucky, 9K - great post-WS recover fic

Blood, Sweat, Ambrosia (AidaRonan) - Stranger Things: steddie, 4K - amazing gift of a monsterfucking fic. aida has truly blessed us this holiday season

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Doctor Who: The Giggle (2023 special #3)

D20: Fantasy High: Sophomore Year - e8-15

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

The Sporkful - How Do Michelin Stars Actually Work?

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Diddy, Hip-Hop, and #MeToo

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Ol Pejeta Rhino Cemetery

Our Opinions Are Correct - What Makes Us Quit Reading a Book in the Middle?

Today, Explained - A concrete solution to climate change

Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Julia Gets Wise with Darlene Love

NPR's Book of the Day - Jordan Peele curates a new Black horror story collection 'Out There Screaming'

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Knoxville Weather Kiosk

Pop Culture Happy Hour - 2023 Pop Culture Favorites [love that D20's Dungeons & Drag Queens made this list!]

Switched on Pop - Nicki Minaj's Roman Empire

The Allusionist - 186. Ravels

It's Been a Minute - Music trends that took us by surprise in 2023

Shedunnit - The Murderless Christmas Mystery

Vibe Check - It’s Like an Inspirational Relay Race

⭐ 99% Invisible #563 - Empire of the Sum

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - New Bedford Whaling Museum

⭐ Off Menu - Ep 216: Dawn French (Christmas Special)

Twenty Thousand Hertz+ - Tournament of Champions

Ologies with Alie Ward - Quasithanatology (NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES) with Bruce Greyson

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Gourdlandia

One Year - 1990: Art on Trial

Sara & Cariad's Weirdos Book Club - Persuasion by Jane Austen with Andrew Hunter Murray

Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Sneaky Snowmen, Horny Dogs, and The PC vs The People’s Champion

Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Julia Gets Wise with Rhea Perlman

Up First - Gaza Post-War Plans, Ohio Prosecutor Misconduct, Comer Shell Company

What Next: TBD - Shein’s Newest Offering? An IPO

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Wonka And What's Making Us Happy

Dear Prudence - I Rejected A Friend’s Sexual Advance—Now He’s Being Weird. Help!

Endless Thread - This song wants you to stick out your what!?

⭐ Welcome to Night Vale #240 - He Is Holding a Knife

Today, Explained - Why millennials dread motherhood

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Classic Rock Instrumentals

Presenting Stevie Ray Vaughan

Presenting Santana

Dropkick Murphys Radio • Familiar

New Blue Sun [André 3000] {2023}

Throwback Workout

my christmas playlist

[lenialenient]

I just finished reading your book 'Real Jobs' and I really loved it! I really love your writing style!!! :)

Do you have anything planned for this book universe in years to come? Or if not are you working on any other interesting projects?

auuuuughhh thank you! for reading and for enjoying!! these types of comments really do make my week :')

as for real jobs - i've actually toyed with the idea to, at some point, write a spinoff reversing main and supporting cast (so it would be about oskar, tien, & mona rather than julia, hayal & kiwi) but unfortunately i am not a sequel girlie at ALL, i have way too much other nonsense in my head that i need to put on page

speaking of: there are 3 new books you can expect in the coming years and they are progressively getting weirder!

AMBROSIA - my "pseudo-dystopian girlgroup novel" which combines my passion topics of capitalism bad and strange lesbian homoeroticism. this one is DONE and i'm already working with a cover artist for it :)

THE WORLD ENDS IN 13 AND A HALF DAYS: AN APOCALYPSE ROADTRIP or TWEI131/2D:AAR (password level: SECURE) where I'm juggling my most ambitious cast of 6 main-ish characters who come together to get silly with it in 9 different countries before the world ends. This one needs one more edit cycle B)

Then there's the Homunculus Support Group Novel which I'm writing right now! wherein homunculi go to therapy and the main guy is a fungus. It's about bullying I think?

[eyesxindisposed]

starter for: @deidiavoli​ (julia) loc: ambrosia café

hot and bitter as it filled his mouth, the tattoo artist breathed a satiated sigh, coffee set back on the table in front of him. long, thin fingers trembled, thumb brushing a pearl of ambrosia away from the lid where his lips had just been. as if he needed anything else to lift him higher, as if he needed another buzz humming behind his eyes. body shifting back in his chair in the hopes of correcting his posture, abraham’s gaze settled on a sudden, hovering figure. he couldn’t remember her name, not her real one, anyway. instead, he smirked, one black brow quirking over ocean blue. “waitress.” 

[sylphgeneral]

A late afternoon we find Robin the Boy Wonder, although still young and spritely Robin isn't much of a boy being a full-time student at Gotham University. "Gosh, Batman studying around the clock has eaten into my schedule. Especially my eating schedule today."

"Not to worry old chum, many a late night of crime fighting has led to innovations in batsnack technology." The caped crusader brings out a bat-shaped box that when opened reveals small meals the size of little chocolates, small roast chickens, salsbury steaks, meatloaf etcetera. "Try one of these while you monitor the Batcomputer, I'm going to fix the Batmobiles second turbine" And so Robin watched the blinking lights of the most high-tech dot-matrix computation devices available. He reaches in and grabs a bite-sized sandwich, and throws the whole thing into his mouth. "Holly Julia Childs! It tastes just like a club sandwich!" Robin searches the box of bite-sized meals looking to sample another, his gloved hand plucking a roast chicken and popping it in his mouth. It's exactly what he expects it to taste like. One bite a full steak dinner, another sweedish meatballs, even sweet fluffy ambrosia salad. Suddenly the Batcomputer starts beeping rapidly.

Tearing Robin from his place of experimenting back to the dotsheet spitting out information a handful of small treats going directly into his mouth. As he read aloud "Riddler spotted at the Gotham art museum stealing abstract art!" Robin grabbed one more tiny meal tossing it into his mouth as he ran to the Batmobile. "We got a call, Batman! Riddler that Plundering Puzzler is Pilfering Pollocks!"

"The Gotham Art Museum, of course! Let's go, Robin!"

"Gosh these bat-snacks are good, they taste like the real thing!"

"Because they are old chum, I've been able to dehydrate individual meals so that I may fulfill my nutritional needs between cases" Robin gulped trying to remember just how many he swallowed.

It wasn't long before he started feeling the effects, before he and Batman could reach the museum he was already feeling full. His stomach was still visibly flat but just beneath the skin, his gut was already struggling. As its many small meals grew to their proper seize rehydrating. "Come on old chum the riddlers right inside!" The caped crusader charged forth unaware of his young ward's discomfort. Robin's gloved palm hovering over his stomach barely aware of the slight protrusion nonetheless, he rushes forward stalwart in his determination. Managing to slide in as the door to the museum slides shut.

[dbenfordworks]

Performances & other incidents

Contact: douglas.benford@gmail.com

See also: http://douglasbenford.org.uk

Sound gallery: http://douglassoundgallery.tumblr.com

Bandcamp: https://dbenford.bandcamp.com/music

Further links at bottom of page

◾️◾️◾️◾️

2024

September

- Performances as part of a quartet with Ecka Moredecai, Emily Shapiro & Tom Jackson at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Steve Beresford, Ashley Wales, Martin Hackett, Teresa Hackel, Julien Woods, Aurelie Freoua and Olga Ksendzovska at Ad Lib, Open Ealing, Ealing, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Steve Beresford, Ashley Wales, Martin Hackett and Faradena Afifi at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

August

- Trio performance with Iris Colomb & Tom Ward - as ‘Small Print Drama’ - at Zen Jerk, The Endeavour, Deptford, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Steve Beresford, Olga Ksendzovska, Ashley Wales, Martin Hackett, Ivor Kallin and Chris Killick at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

- Performances as part of a trio with Hannah Marshall and John Bissett, and of a quintet of John Edwards, Daniel Thompson, Hannah Marshall and John Bissett at Ad Lib, Open Ealing, Ealing, London, UK

July

- Performances as part of Blank Canvas Tentet London using System 50:50 at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK, with Alan Newcombe, Chris Hill, James Malone, James O`Sullivan, Martin Hackett, Phil Morton, Keisuke Matsui, Jonathan Griff and Dariusz Blaszczak.

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra, with conductions by Julia Brüssel, Adam Bohman/Adrian Northover, Loz Speyer, Steve Beresford, Charlotte Keeffe, Olga Ksendzovska and Ashley Wales at Cafe Oto, Dalston, London, UK

- Performances as part of a quartet with Rachel Musson, Phil Durrant & Roland Ramanan at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Steve Beresford, Oliver Jarvis, Julian Woods, Gina Fergione, Ashley Wales, George Garford and Faradena Afifi at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

- Two trio performances with Mirei Ya & Adam Bohman, and Martin Hackett & Georgina Brett (short melodica trio) at a Lion Heart production event, The Royal Albert pub, New Cross, London, UK

June

- Attended and performed at the London Improvisation Workshop at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Chris Hill, Ross Lambert, Tony Hardie Bick, James Malone, Jame O’Sullivan, Keisuke Matsui, Peter McPartlan, John Macedo, Ed Shipsey, Emmanuelle Waeckerle, Alan Newcombe and Mirei Ya

- Performances of Phil Morton’s 50:50 timer project alongside Alan Newcombe, Chris Hill, Martin Hackett, Andy Rowe, Phil Morton, Levente Dudás, Kostas Chrondas, Darius Blaszeck, Helena Paul, John Eyles at Open Ealing art space, Ealing, London, UK

- Performances as part of a quartet with Catherine Pluygers, Sue Lynch & Benedict Taylor at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Olga Ksendzovska, Steve Beresford, Faradina Afifi, Martin Hackett, Lox Speyer and Kristjan Kannukene at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

May

- The Ambrosia Rasputin radio show on Resonance FM airs an piece from ‘Melting Frames’ - the Bandcamp album by Douglas Benford, Julie Pickard, Yoni Silver and Ross Lambert, listen here (37 mins in): https://m.mixcloud.com/Resonance/the-ambrosia-rasputin-show-19-may-2024/

- Performances as part of a quartet with Alan Newcombe, Iris Colomb & Tom Mills at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Steve Beresford, Jerry Wigens, Julia Bruessel and Pascal Marzan at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

April

- Quartet recording live session at Antenna studio, Crystal Palace, London with N. O. Moore, Tansy Spinks and Clive Bell

- Trio performance with Iris Colomb & Tom Ward at BRAK, Water Into Beer, Brockley, London, UK

- Attended and performed at the London Improvisation Workshop at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Emmanuelle Waeckerle, Paul Margree, Chris Hill, Keisuke Matsui, Ross Lambert, Helena Paul, Kostas Chondros and Regan Bowering.

- Performances as part of a trio with Benjy Sandler & Julian Woods at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances and conduction as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Steve Beresford, Faradena Afifi, Gina Fergione, Olga Ksendzovska and a joint one by Douglas Benford & Aurelie Freoua at St Mary’s New Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

- Trio performance with Nat Catchpole & Dominic Lash at Ad Lib, Open Ealing, Ealing, London, UK

- Duo performance with Sue Lynch at a Lion Heart production event, The Royal Albert pub, New Cross, London, UK

March

- Performances as part of a quartet with Tilly Coulton, Caius Williams & Jamie Coleman at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- The BBC Radio 3 Freeness radio show airs an excerpt of ‘Glancing Blows’ from the Bandcamp album by Douglas Benford, Cath Roberts, Sylvia Hallett and Dominic Lash

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Steve Beresford, Faradena Afifi/Ivor Kallin, Theo Finkel, Oliver Jarvis and Martin Hackett at St Mary’s Old Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

February

- Attended and performed at the London Improvisation Workshop at the Welsh Chapel, Borough, London, UK. Other performers: Eddie Prevost, Nathan Moore, Emmanuelle Waeckerle, Jessica St Bruno, Kostas Chondros, Ross Lambert, James O’Sullivan, Alan Newcombe, Tom Mills, Helena Paul, Chris Hill and John Bissett.

- The Ambrosia Rasputin radio show on Resonance FM airs an excerpt of ‘Glancing Blows’ from the Bandcamp album by Douglas Benford, Cath Roberts, Sylvia Hallett and Dominic Lash, listen here: https://www.mixcloud.com/Resonance/the-ambrosia-rasputin-show-11-feb-2024/

- Performances as part of a duo with Mirei Ya and Multiple Melodicas (w. Steve Beresford, Georgina Brett, Martin Hackett & David Grundy) at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Steve Beresford, Loz Speyer, George Garford, Jonny Martin and Martin Hackett at St Mary’s Old Church, Stoke Newington, London, UK

- Performances as part of a trio with Angharad Davies and Sofia Vaisman-Maturana at Ad Lib, Open Ealing, Ealing, London, UK

January

- Performances as a member of London Improvisers Orchestra with conductions by Ashley Wales, Maggie Nicols, Philipp Wachsmann and Terry Day as part of the tribute to Martin Davidson event at Cafe Oto, Dalston, London, UK

- Public screening of documentary on artist Calum Storrie - ‘Drawing, etc’ - with music by Douglas Benford on the soundtrack, at Cafe Oto, Dalston, London, UK. This documentary is also available for streaming / rental here. This film has also been screened at Tokyo International short festival 2024.

- Performance as part of a quartet with Ecka Mordecai, Sylvia Hallett & Roland Ramanan at Mopomoso, the Vortex, London, UK

- Performed on 3 pieces with the Charlotte Keeffe Quartet Right Here Right Now at Cafe Oto, Dalston, London, UK

- Performances as part of a quartet with Emily Shapiro, N. O. Moore & Clive Bell at Hundred Years Gallery, Hoxton, London, UK

- Performance with Clive Bell at the Horse Improvisation Club & Shrike Records takeover event at Iklectik, Waterloo, London, UK

Continued below…

[newsiesjathrine]

A lot of things to think about first witch story do you want to hear keep in mind I made my own

Lucy and kate

Bonnie and eliza

Julia and luke

Katherine and olivia

Stella and snow

Rosabeth and binx

April Rose and ophelia

Annalise and Andrea

Deliah and morgan

Aspen and Lily Green

Cordelia Morgyn and Auoura

Masie and cara

Lacey and juniper

Garnet and cass

Ambrosia and electra

Jennifer and Rue Honor

Vaughan and Ally Ivory

Rachel and Alamanda Wovey

Sofia Jade and Coyro

[summersturned]

Closed starter- @bellyflops

It was a morning where he was already drunk having the ghosts of this house and his failures claw into his back. he had kept his distance from Belly in order to take care of her. He was the cancer. The person who she had given her heart too only to drop it into a thousand pieces over and over again. Jeremiah was in love. The Fisher boy had promised his mother that he would care for his younger brother. Jeremiah was the right choice. And he was lost for her. The way his gemstone eyes practically became a forest fire on her entry. She was poisoned wine that Conrad was addicted too. For jer, belly was ambrosia. He saw his body throw itself into action upon the the single breath of the smaller figure. But the morning light danced on her skin. And the brunette found himself struggling not to thaw under the look of her scrunched nose and bright smile. He needed joy. Needed some expanse of joy in the midst of his evil Aunt Julia's destruction. A soft hum passed his lips. Maybe the alcohol had loosened his tongue. But he could remember the day his mother had insisted they dance together. Could remember the warmth of her body against his. The vice grip she had on his heart. "What do you say we do something for old times sake?" he breathes. Surprising even himself.

[aquoteamusetheword]

Coco – Nut

 “Life is short, lick the bowl” – Julia Child

 I have loved coconut for as long as I can remember. I love coconut cake, Mounds bars, Almond Joy, Outshine coconut bars, coconut ice cream, coconut milk, virgin pina coladas, coconut shrimp, coconut shampoo, tropical coconut air freshener in my car… (this is starting to have a Forrest Gump vibe), you get the idea.

 I can trace my fascination with coconut back to two origins.

 The first is every Easter of my young life. I remember waking up in the middle of the night hearing the plastic from my easter basket being placed in my room. I was terrified, not daring to sneak a peek at the imagined six-foot-tall Easter Bunny at the foot of my bed. Once and if I was able to go back to sleep, I would awake to an amazing Easter basket, with a 3-foot-tall chocolate bunny (not a hollow one mind you). There would be baby powder “bunny tracks” making their way to the holy grail of my Easter… (trumpets sounding) my coconut bunny cake, with different colored coconut for the pink ears and a gum drop nose. Me consuming over half of the cake in one sitting was not uncommon. It is entirely probable that much of the ADHD epidemic of my generation was a misdiagnosis; it may have been over consumption of bunny cakes.  I am not ashamed to admit, mom made these cakes well into my teens.

 The second is the world-famous Lorene Thompson six-layer (spontaneous diabetes) coconut cake. Whenever I visited, my grandmother made this cake. This cake is even the subject of Thompson’s folklore. After a trip to Albertville, Alabama, my stepmom Cherryl saved a piece and took it all the way back to Texas. After a meal she relished the last piece, my Pops walked by and scooped off all of the ambrosia that was the icing and licked it off his finger. If a marriage can survive this…

 She even showed me how to make it once. The ingredients were Betty Crocker white cake mix, two fresh coconuts, a 50-gallon oil drum of Crisco, 24 eggs and all of the sugar in the world. Seriously, she would hand shave two coconuts, emulsify some of it in sweetened condensed milk. Then cut three cake layers in half, poke holes in the cake with toothpicks, douse each layer with the milk. She would whip up four cups of egg white icing (fortified with more coconut), there was a layer of icing on the entire cake and in between each layer. Finally, the entire thing was dusted with the remaining shredded coconut. If you tried to create a nutritional information label for this behemoth it would look like a CVS receipt. But it was all ok, she used Splenda to make her sweet tea.

 Love and coconuts…

Happy belated Mother’s Day to Mom and Cherryl.

[vilandel]

Silver Cats & Black Roses

Chapter 9 – Two and a half Realizations

A/N I love the tile of this chapter, it is such a good sum up of what is happening 💜💙 And Nozel definitely has problems with one of his knights...

Ao3 link

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

“I have more than enough of your excuses, Samuel.”

“But, captain Nozel-“

“What did I just say? Stop with your pitiful excuses. We both know that none of them are even true.”

Samuel Évantail tried to talk again, but Nozel just glared at his knight, making him close his mouth again. Good, not only would he have said something terribly stupid, but he also had a terrible, screeching voice, making your ears bleed. Nozel refused to listen to him more than necessary.

“You have no right to protest that you didn’t got a star on the last mission. Do you really think I haven’t read the rapport Rob Vitesse and Alysanne Dragonstone wrote about it? Do you really think I wouldn’t listen to Julia Ambrosia about her complaints?”

“But that old lady is senile, she should have retired a long time ago, she doesn’t think-“

“Julia Ambrosia has one of the best and straight-up spirits in this squad, despite her old age. It was her choice to not retire and given the energy she still has, it is clearly not a loss for the squad. Besides, you should show more respect to the elderly. Don’t you dare think I haven’t heard about how you insulted Curtis Warren two days ago?”

“It was his fault, he-“

“You tried to force your chore duty on him, despite him being of a far higher rank than you.”

“But he’s from low nobility!”

“Curtis Warren is still a noble and he’s acting with more nobility than you by miles. Do you think I forgot how badly you talked about the Wizard King when his current form became public knowledge? And just after he thanked every squad for the help they gave to the civilians in the Forsaken Realm.”

Samuel looked down in shame. He was arrogant, yes, but even he knew that insulting the current Wizard King was something all squad captains and almost every Magic Knight wouldn’t tolerate. Even the majority of the nobles would think twice before talking ill of Julius Novachrono.

“Back on that mission,” Nozel continued coldly. “Rob Vitesse, Alysanne Dragonstone and Julia Ambrosia pointed out that you took a toilet break during most of the mission and that you only came back when everything was over. Not even barely, you had no action taken during this mission, why do you think you would deserve a star?”

Samuel looked like he wanted to reply, but of course, with what Nozel just said, he didn’t had any counter argument.

Which didn’t meant he wouldn’t still try, sadly.

“You should be ashamed,” Nozel said in a colder tone. “Do you really think you can call yourself a knight when you just wearing the robe of your squad? A robe means nothing if you don’t act like a knight. Protecting the kingdom and his inhabitants is a knightly duty and it takes many forms. Even helping people who are commoners or peasants. We Magic Knights often failed them in the past, as I witnessed it myself. And before you say something stupid again, commoners and peasants are also essential to the kingdom. With this mission, you had also the opportunity to learn it directly and you didn’t took it. This is on you alone.”

Samuel bit his under lip, clearly holding back to say something. Nozel knew that it wasn’t because he was ashamed and regretted what he did. No, like most Évantails, Samuel was too blinded by noble rank to care about anything that would go against his arrogance.

And he was stubborn. Nozel knew that there was no way he could make Samuel understood where he did fail. But not scolding him would be wrong. Samuel might have only be accepted as a Silver Eagle because of the centuries old agreement the squad had with house Évantail, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to let him pass with his intolerable behaviour.

“Did you also felt unnecessarily insulted because your half-sister was also sent on this mission? Samuel, after being part of the Silver Eagles, of a Magic Knight squad, for six years, you should have learned that it is also necessary to team up with people you don’t hold in your heart, for the sake of the kingdom. Putting your pride aside won’t kill you. Besides, unlike you, Grenadine took the mission seriously and got rewarded with a star.”

“She is a shame!”

“To house Évantail maybe, but not to the Silver Eagles.”

“No, she is also a shame for the squad! It was a mistake of you to even accept her as a Silver Eagle.”

Oh, now Samuel was concerned about the squads reputation?

Nozel closed his eyes, trying to not get affected by this pity accusation. He was used to it, after all. Since more than seventeen years, he was used to so-called critics and accusations, to a point that he couldn’t even recognize if it was ill-intended or actually to help him.

In appearance, he had the reputation of being a perfect royal, of being a perfect royal Head of House. But behind that golden curtain, the truth was something entirely different.

Even when he didn’t took other people than nobles and royals in the Silver Eagles, so many people already had critics about him. Whatever he did, it was never good enough for nobles, for most royals and his father always used his so-called failures for his own goal, whatever this was.

But now, with Grenadine, he made a really bold move, which made the offences clear instead of subtle. Of course so nobles felt for some reason personally insulted that he took a noble bastard daughter in his squad. Nozel admitted that he wasn’t the most open-minded royal, but he respected strengths, even from people outside his class. The Black Bulls magicless peasant proved himself very quickly and even rival worthy. In fact, all the Black Bulls were strong in their own ways. Especially Noelle, who bloomed in this squad who never cared about her past reputation. And Vanessa, of course… Even though her strength wasn’t only due to her magic, of that he was certain.

Grenadine was like that as well. She might be a bastard, but no Évantail was able to wield and control fan magic like she did. She was clever with her magic and never let her bastard status hold her back.

Considering the captains, Yami, Jack and Dorothy were also examples. A foreigner, a commoner, a witch and yet, each one of them had unique magics and were strong in their ways of using it. In some cases, it was hard for Nozel to recognize strengths of others, but he still did, because it was better for the kingdom to work together than to cling on arrogance.

And when he saw how most nobles still clinged on their status and privileges, Nozel decided that it was actually much easier to swallow his pride.

“You shouldn’t question my decisions that easily, Samuel. If you can’t continue in this squad, we could of course transfer you to another one. Although I highly doubt that you would be happy in any squad, since none of the other captains think that bastards are unworthy to be one of their knights.”

“I just thought, that… you took some liberal decisions considering the squad,” Samuel replied and immediately put his nose high in a snob attitude.

Liberal… For most nobles and royals, this was considered the biggest insult. And Nozel wasn’t known to be the most open-minded, so Samuel obviously hoped to have hit a hurtful point.

But Nozel didn’t care about so-called critics against himself. If someone wanted to hurt him, his mother had to be involved somehow or his siblings, his Vermillion aunt and cousins, his rival, most of his knights. Vanessa as well, at this point, even though he still didn’t quite know why.

Why was he thinking so much about Vanessa?

“The squad comes before my own preferences. If a liberal decision is more beneficial than a traditional one for the Silver Eagles, of course I take the liberal one.”

“Don’t you have any pride anymore?”

“You can still leave the Silver Eagles, if you can’t take it to be commanded by a liberal captain. With how you are now, it won’t be a big loss the squad. So, if you don’t want to leave, you better get a grip of yourself.”

“You can’t throw me out, the Silver Eagles have a contract with my house!”

“And when did I say that I will throw you out?”

It was sadly true, he couldn’t throw Samuel out because of that agreement between the Silver Eagles and house Évantail. If only he could at least exchange Samuel for another Évantail. But most members of this house were such a pain, so Nozel highly doubted that he could exchange one horrible knight for another horrible knight.

Samuel was about to reply when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in.”

Grenadine entered, a bunch of envelopes in her hands. Samuels eyes hardened as he saw his bastard half-sister. Nozel sometimes wondered why he never blamed his father, Cygnus Silva, for having conceived a bastard daughter. Then again, it was almost like a golden rule within nobility to always blame the bastards for their existence and never their noble fathers.

Another reason why Nozel hated adultery.

But it was actually pretty obvious that Samuel and Grenadine were half-siblings. Like any Évantail, they both had delicate, angelic traits, an elegant frame which gave each of them naturally elegant gestures and of course, the typical turquoise coloured eyes. But while the Évantails had either cold or pastel hair colours – Samuels had baby blue hair – Grenadines hair colour was a dark, strong red. Not to mention that her eyes were always brightening. Most Évantails Nozel knew made the turquoise of their eyes dull with their arrogance, which was honestly impressive for such a vibrant colour.

“What are you doing here?” Samuel asked, not hiding his disgust.

Grenadine didn’t answered, she only went to Nozel and handled him the envelopes over. “Some evening letters for you, vice-captain Agatha told me to give them to you, but she doesn’t think it’s anything urgent for now.”

“Oh, now you’re bootlicking the vice-captain too? Must be easy, she is just from low nobility.”

Both Nozel and Grenadine turned towards him with such a cold glare that Samuel actually got a bit scared.

“I’m not bootlicking and it’s not my fault that YOU can’t bootlick anyone in the Silver Eagles, dear brother.”

“Samuel, have you already forgotten the talk we just had? I won’t tolerate how you talk about my vice-captain. Sure, Agatha Austen might not be from high nobility like you, but she’s done more to the squad than you ever did. Why do you think I have chosen her as my vice-captain? Now leave and think about your attitude. Because if you continue, I will report to the Wizard King. And trust me, you being from high nobility and house Évantail won’t help you in this case.”

Samuel looked like he was about to explode, but thankfully, he was clever enough to not reply. He just run out of the captains office and slammed the door behind him. Which wasn’t very suited for a noble, ironically.

“With all due respect, captain Nozel, I don’t think Samuel will question his behaviour. He’s a lot like… our father.”

“I know. I will need to report him to the Wizard King soon. You can leave now, Grenadine, good evening.”

“Good evening, captain Nozel.”

Grenadine was about to open the door, before she actually stopped and turned again.

“Um, captain Nozel?”

“What is it?”

“I just… wanted to thank you for giving me a chance. I think you’re the best squad captain in the Clover kingdom.”

Nozel was taken aback by this compliment. It was so unusual. Even more, it was normal that he gave Grenadine a chance, she proved herself very well at the entrance exam and never stopped since she joined his squad.

But it seems to mean a lot to her.

Nozel had no idea how take compliments, so he just nodded. Grenadine wished him a good evening again and left the office.

What was with the compliments, lately? First Vanessa who never stopped those with her flirty nature. And now, Grenadine thanking him for that chance he gave her and saying he’s the best squad captain in her books. That was not like the fake compliments nobles would gave him on balls and receptions, Vanessa and Grenadine were more genuine. Something he wasn’t used too since…

Well, he better look through the letters before he’ll take his evening. He would have loved meeting with Vanessa again, but she had a mission with some her squadmates today in a dungeon, which meant she would need rest once she returned.

Somehow, it made Nozel sad. He enjoyed her company, it was soothing for his soul. He knew he didn’t deserved her kindness, but once it was with her, that thought didn’t seemed important anymore.

Why did Vanessa had such an effect on him? She was just being nice and surprisingly enjoying his company as well, it seems. Which he didn’t understood, but it didn’t seemed that important.

She even loved the sewing box he got her a few days ago. In fact, Vanessa was enthusiastic about it and she lately told him she already started to use it for a special project. She winked at him while telling him this and Nozel didn’t know what she should think about it. But Vanessa was happy, this was the most important.

Back on the letters, Nozel admitted that Agatha had been right. There was nothing urgent, which meant he could go home earlier than usually today. A perspective that didn’t appealed to him, since he wouldn’t see Vanessa today.

Why was he immediately thinking about her again?

As he reached the last letter of the pile, Nozel froze. He recognized the seal. He recognized the handwriting. He even recognize that high-quality paper with the branded initials on it, L.S. on the left upper corner.

His father wrote him.

Nozel felt anger and fear dangerously mixing up within him. How bold of his father to write him directly at the Silver Eagles headquarters after leaving him and his siblings alone in their time of need and always trying to put him down in order to go higher.

How dare he write him after years of ignorance, disgusts and attempted manipulation? How dare try to get contact again after he put him down during the few times he visited after his wife died? How dare he sent a letter after he didn’t even appeared at his wife funeral?

Nozels hands were shaking while he was holding the letter. Remembering all the times his father ignored the affection and love his mother was giving him, using her position and her house for his own goal, whatever that was. Nozel couldn’t forget how that man definitely broke his mother’s heart that fateful day…

What did Lac Silva wanted from him? Nozel knew that it was something for himself, not for any of his children. Should he read the letter? Should he ignore it? No one could knew what that man was up too. Last hope of a house of low nobility, he abandon them and manipulated three royal house heads good enough to get a perfect marriage. Not to mention he managed to have perfect reputation within nobility, he was loved, considered perfect royal even though he wasn’t born into royalty and even though he was now widowed.

Nozel hadn’t heard from his father for so long. Seven years, maybe even ten? He didn’t know. So, after all this time, what did Lac Silva wanted?

Slowly, he broke the seal and took a prudent look at the first lines.

Like always, fake kindness, apologizing that he couldn’t be here, that he will stay in another country for longer due to his diplomatic skills. Nozel probably should stop before he came to the part where his father put him down with all his glorious subtility.

Suddenly, a word got his intention and made him froze even more.

Marriage.

Son, you can’t stay a bachelor for the rest of your days, you even should have been married years ago. Given your incapacity to choose a bride, it’s better that I…

Nozel didn’t continue to read. He stood up, took the letter, ripped it in so many pieces that it couldn’t be put back together again, throw it into his bin and left his office and his squad, all that in not even one minute.

As he flew back home, Nozel tried to calm down his anger.

He haven’t thought about his duty of an arranged marriage lately. The bonding of his sisters, the still new peace the kingdom lived after Spade and Vanessa filling most of his rare free time… That uncomfortable thought didn’t seemed that important anymore.

But now, with his father talking about it, even mentioning he would take this matter in his own hands… Nozel now hated that perspective even more.

He never liked it in the first place and it had been more for his siblings freedom on that matter than for the reputation of house Silva.

But now that his father talking about finding him a betrothed, Nozel loathed that perspective of an arranged marriage even more.

Lac Silva would choose a party who would not be beneficial for house Silva, but for himself. Nozel knew his father. If he let him decide over him like a marionette, Nozel would either get married to a noble lady from a house who owed a lot to his father or to a woman through which Lac Silva would get better control not only of house Silva, but maybe even more.

Nozel refused to be a chess piece. His father might be popular and have influence. But he wasn’t head of house Silva. Nozel was. The decisions concerning the Silvas were his, it wasn’t his father’s political chess plate.

Besides, he was out of the country right now and enjoying the diplomatic missions the king gave him so much, he won’t come back so soon. He said it himself once, years ago, to insult him and Nozel knew, his father was many things, but he never lied. In fact, Lac Silva used the truth to gain what he wanted and put others down. Especially his children.

Nozel hoped it endlessly. If he never saw his father again, it would be the best on many levels.

Oh, how he wished he could meet Vanessa right now. She always had that mysterious talent to somehow soothe his worries for a while, to make his problems smaller as long as she was with him.

But he couldn’t allow himself to be selfish and wanting her presence every time. Vanessa also had a life outside of their meetings, the Black Bulls were like her family and as such, more important for her.

It hurt a bit, but he could live with that. He lived with that for more than seventeen years, since his mother died… It what he deserved, after all the wrongs he did.

At least, thinking about Vanessa was already enough to calm himself down a bit. How can she had that effect on him, even when she wasn’t here?

When he arrived at the Silva palace, one of the head butlers told him that he got a package today, which looked mostly like a present, and the servants were so free to put it in his bedroom.

Nozel frowned. Why would he get something? His birthday wasn’t until the end of the year and why would he of all people get something out of the blue? He did nothing that would deserve a spontaneous gift in return.

Still, he was curious. And he hoped it was nothing from his father. Every time that man gifted something, as rare as it was, it was mostly another tool for his own goal.

As Nozel entered his room, he immediately saw the present on his bed. It was covered with brown paper and there was a letter on top of it. The brown paper was already a proof that it wasn’t a present from his father. Nozel sighed in relief.

He first took the letter. If he wanted to know who gave him a present and for what reason, this is where he needed to start.

Hello there, Stud!

Hope you had a good day today. Sorry I can’t meet you, but it was a long mission and I need some rest. Which sucks, I hate it when I can’t see you, you’re one of the best company I know. But at least, I can send you this. Yep, handsome, it’s a present for you! Made thanks to the amazing box you gifted me! I told you already, but I LOVE that box so much! And I thought you deserve a treat too. So, the first thing I made using the material in the box is for YOU! As thanks, for many things and because I love being with you. Hope you like it. I used silver threads for the embroidery, I haven’t forget that you prefer silver over gold. But I used a fabric with darker colour, because you look so good with darker colours. I haven’t forgotten how handsome you looked at Finrals wedding, in fact, it was my inspiration for this gift. Don’t worry, I choose a colour that goes well with silver, but to be fair, I think any colours goes well with silver.

Your absolute favourite witch

Vanessa

Nozel couldn’t help it, a small smile appeared on his lips. Vanessa was always so full of joy, even when she wrote letters. But he still couldn’t forget that she could be sad and upset as well. Sometimes, he wondered if she just hide her sadness, ignoring it. Hopefully not, he knew first-hand how terrible this could feel. But unlike him, Vanessa didn’t deserve that kind of terrible feeling.

He wanted to comfort her when she was sad.

Nozel frowned. Did that thought just came to it like that? As if it was only natural for him to comfort Vanessa…

Shaking his head to clear his mind, Nozel now focused on opening the package.

The first thing he felt was satin. High quality satin. One of the fabrics he gifted her along with the box?

It was indeed a piece of satin. Burgundy satin, with some silver embroidery representing vaguely branches and leaves with birds. But in the middle of those birds and leaves, there was something like an eagle and a cat, standing really close to each other.

This embroidery was really a work of art. None of the royal tailors were able to create something like this and Nozel doubted that even the ateliers of Soie Velours ever did managed such a magnificent embroidery on their creations.

Putting the piece right in front of him, Nozel realized that it was a one shoulder cape. A bit like the one he wore on his ceremonial suit at the royal wedding. But somehow much prettier. How did Vanessa remembered so well what he wore back then? Sure, they had danced together, but still.

Nozel wanted to try it, so he went out of his knight robe and tried the cape on.

How surprised he was to find out that it fit him perfectly. Also, burgundy suited him better than he thought. Red wasn’t his usual colour, but this shade? It was perfect somehow. After all, it wasn’t a Vermillion kind of red.

No, this shade reminded him of Vanessa.

Vanessa…

As he took his new cape off, Nozel couldn’t help but bury his face in it. Somehow, he could smell Vanessas scent, the cheap but sweet rosewater she always used. As if she was right there with him…

Wait. Did he really just thought that? By smelling a one shoulder cape? Why did he smell it in the first place?

There it was again, the uncertain feeling he always had since his talk with Fuegoleon. Alone in his room, thinking every passing second about Vanessa… and what she was to him.

Fuegoleons words basically haunted his nights, when he wasn’t thinking again and again about Vanessa. Or when he wasn’t sleeping. His thoughts about Vanessa were a different matter, because she not only haunted his nights, but also his dreams.

It wasn’t that much at the beginning, it became more frequently only after they started to interact more and more, since almost a month. But if Nozel was honest, maybe all started originally from their talk in Spade… 

It was as she bewitched him somehow and knowing Vanessa, it was surely not on purpose. But it became almost impossible for Nozel to not think about her. Even when he was working at the Silver Eagles, even during the captains meeting. He was not as attentive as he was before during those reunions. And he had been one of the few captains to pay the most attention!

It should have upset him to not be this attentive anymore. But he wasn’t.

Nozel sighed. He let himself fall on his big canopy bed, lying with his back on the mattress and stared at the ceiling, as if he hoped it would gave him answers. As if a ceiling could give any answers.

Or did he already know his answers? Was he just afraid of them and so, tried to avoid them with ignorance? Why wouldn’t he have realized it?

Was he overthinking this matter?

Fuegoleon pretended to be sure that he was in love. Nozel had first find it ridiculous. He couldn’t be in love, because… of many reasons. He was unable to feel romantically, he didn’t deserved it, he just made a friend who was kind and caring, just because he wasn’t attentive as before or thinking about her practically every day, didn’t meant that he was in love.

And many other reasons that were more or less ridiculous. Nozel felt so embarrassed thinking about them.

But it didn’t took long before Nozel realized something. If it really was true that he wasn’t in love… Why would he then still convincing himself over and over again that he wasn’t love?

Since then, it had been like this. He was frozen, denial behind him and the unknown truth right in front of him.

Nozel still had so many questions. Was it really possible to fell in love this quickly? What consequences will that have for him, his house and his siblings? Would he be able to choose between duty and his heart?

He groaned, hiding his face between his hands. Every question revealed other questions and for some mysterious reason, each one hurts. Especially… Was love even an option for him? Nozel Silva, head of house Silva and captain of the Silver Eagles? Brother of Nebra, Solid and Noelle Silva? Son of the late Acier Silva?

Mother…

She had been in love. With her husband. Some would consider her really lucky, since it was an arranged marriage. But Aciers love had been one-sided, Lac never loved her back. She was just an important step for his own goal.

It had broken her heart when she finally realized it. Romantic love didn’t brought her joy. Often Nozel had wondered if that would be the case for him as well, if he ever would fall in love.

Slowly, his eyes wandered to his bedside table or rather, to the two small pile of books on it. Another memory of his mother he refused to flee anymore. Romance novels she had loved and to be fair, he loved them too.

Wasn’t it kinda ironic he, of all people, had a secret appreciation for romance novels? This wasn’t something he wanted to be out in the open, but… Nozel wondered what Vanessa would think of it. He suspected her to be a romantic, given how sometimes she would rant and even complaint about some of her squadmates being too oblivious to love. The names Gauche and Grey fell most often, but sometimes she complained about Yamis dense mind as well.

And there, he just thought about her again. It’s he couldn’t stop at all.

One pile were novels about courtly love. Tales of very old times, back when Magic Knights weren’t divided in squads, when knights were just serving their king and their country, riding from one place to another, defending widows and orphans. Back when a knight offered his heart to a lady of his choosing, even when they couldn’t be together. Loving from afar in all innocence, without hoping for more and cherishing that pure emotion.

Nozel often thought that if, if he would ever fall in love, that only this kind of romance would be possible for him. He was more than aware of his duty for an arranged marriage. At least with courtly love, there was not such a risk as adultery. He would just offer his heart to someone, without hoping for more and do his duty while cherish that feeling of purity in his heart.

But that vision didn’t seem very appealing anymore.

The books of the other pile were novels from his mother favourite author. Romance novels, simple romances with happy endings, but those still touched the soul and the heart very deeply.

Pride & Prejudice, Persuasion, Sense & Sensibility…

Nozel knew the titles of each of those novels by heart. They weren’t as sad as the courtly love novels and more hopeful. Some of the male heroes were aloof, like him only in certain ways. And still, they did find love.

But none of them had done such horrible mistakes like he did and they were just fictional. Wasn’t that another proof that it wasn’t possible for him, that he didn’t deserved that kind of happiness?

That mantra had followed him for so many years and for the first, Nozel wondered if he was maybe lying to himself.

He had a few crushes in his life, yes. But he had to admit that concerning romance, he was completely clueless. Except with romance novels, but those were just fiction, they didn’t count.

So, how could he be sure he was in love?

Of course, he could ask someone. But Nozel immediately groaned at the thought. No, he couldn’t. He still had his pride and it was so… ridiculous. Him, a captain, a royal, asking for help because of… love. Besides, who could he ask? His Vermillion aunt? Fuegoleon, who was apparently in a happy relationship? Kaiser, who was apparently happily married? Another captain? But the rest of the captains were all single. Okay, Charlotte was in love. But she wasn’t in a relationship and she was in love with Yami! Who was Vanessas captain! No, that just couldn’t go. Besides, Nozel didn’t even want to ask anyone for help.

Actually… No, that was wrong. There was one person he definitely wanted to take advice from. But that person was dead and buried since over seventeen years.

“Mother… what would you tell me to do?”

Nozel waited in the silence of his room. But of course, there was no answer. He didn’t even know why he even expected her to respond him. Nozel tried to imagine his mother talking to him. But he couldn’t.

Not because he was unable to imagine Acier Silva talking to him. But because next to her, Vanessa appeared in his mind. Both smiled at him, with their completely different smiles and still in a way so similar.

Acier Silva, Vanessa Enoteca. Two different women, from different circles, who never met, never knew each other.

But for him, they became somehow equally important.

One was dead, the other was alive.

One was his mother, the other was… was…

“Why don’t you smile more often, stud?”

That gorgeous smile…

“You really should stop working so much.”

That gentle care…

“Guess it’s too much to ask for letting me do your braid.”

That laugh, like waves crashing on the beach…

“Let’s go to our café again, shall we?”

That kindness…

“You know, you can look me in the eye when you talk to me.”

Those eyes, like amethysts in the sun…

“Thank you so much for the gift!”

That joy…

“Your hair looks really great in the sun. Guess that silver is more shiny than gold.”

Those hair, that breathetaking shade of rosewood…

“Don’t you have any baby Noelle stories to tell me?”

That genuine curiosity…

“Like what you see, handsome eagle?”

That frame…

“Thank you for holding me…”

That gratitude…

Nozel slowly took his new one shoulder cape, holding it close to him. He had no idea where he would go with this. He ignored if he could keep the secret forever or if he would be unable to just do like the knights with their ladies in the novels. He had no idea what the next steps were supposed to be.

But…

“I love her. I love Vanessa Enoteca.”

It was just a whisper, but Nozel had the feeling that his words echoed through the whole Silva palace.

♣♣♣

The cemetery of Heladise just looked like any other cemetery in the Common Realm. Crosses and gravestones on grass. A tree here and there. Some tombs looked like they were taken care of, but must were probably abandoned a long time ago.

But Yami didn’t care about that. He cared about the investigation and even more about Charlotte.

Seriously, why did Goldie Guts speech from a few days ago making him think and overthink EVERYTHING about Prickly Queen?

Yami side-glanced at his companion. Charlotte was focusing on the tombs, searching for the mother of her half-brother. A dash of sadness and compassion was shining in her eyes and for him, it made the blue of her orbs even more brightening than normal.

Wait, did he really just thought that? Why did he always have thoughts like that about Charlotte since his talk with William?

And why he focusing on Charlottes beauty instead of their quest? Fuck, he already knew that Charlotte was more than beautiful, he didn’t need to look at her beauty as if he just discovered it for the first time!

Besides, they had an investigation for a lost sibling going on!

The first thing they did Heladise was searching for the inn where that Grace girl was working. Only to find out from the innkeeper that she died years ago and that her son – that stupid innkeeper was getting old as he didn’t remembered the name – had been sent to an orphanage. Apparently, that kiddo has some weird habit to fight and to always smile, even at his mother’s funeral. After he got his grimoire, left to become a Magic Knight and well, he never returned.

That story sounded pretty familiar to Yami, but he didn’t gave it much attention. His thoughts were turning around Charlotte mostly or to things related to her.

It was like his something in him, maybe his subconscious or anything hidden in his spirit, wanted to tell him something. One specific thing. Like for many, many years and since he probably didn’t listened, it was now screaming that thing. And he still didn’t get it! What was going on?

“Looks like that we need to search within the Magic Knight squads for our next step. Too bad the innkeeper didn’t remembered my brother’s name. Well, he probably doesn’t have good memories of him as well, he must have caused him some difficulties in the past, given how he talked about my brother.”

“Hm…”

“Yami, are you listening to me?”

Charlotte punched him slightly with her elbow, causing him to interrupt his merry-go-round of thoughts about her.

Normally, Yami would have been happy for the distraction. But since Charlotte was the one haunting his mind, it didn’t really helped. Which honestly sucked in his books. But Yami would never dare to accuse his Prickly Queen of it. After all, it wasn’t her fault he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Wait… did he just considered her his Prickly Queen?

“Oh, um, sorry, I was in thoughts. What did you say?”

Charlotte sighed deeply, before repeating what she just said. And afterwards immediately adding, “I can’t say it’s not like you to not pay attention, but this seems too much even for you. Couldn’t you at least tell from my Ki that I was talking to you?”

“Come on, Prickly Queen, you know me. I’m not an idiot, I can read every Ki.”

Except hers, for some mysterious reason, but he wouldn’t tell her that. Although, this was indeed the proof that something was wrong with him and that he included Charlotte. Her Ki was so unique and he was unable to understand it. Him, one of the two only Ki-readers in the whole kingdom and the only one out of the two who wasn’t an idiot. And didn’t Goldie Guts mentioned something about his ability to read Ki in his speech? Damn, William really put his finger on something and Yami couldn’t tell what it was.

But that didn’t meant that it was stupid or dense. No, no, no! He wasn’t stupid when it came to Charlotte, he was just…

What was he, actually? Something else than stupid, surely. But what? It was so difficult for him now to not think about Charlotte. She even haunted his mind when he was taking a dump now! And since he thought more about his Prickly Queen than the fierce battles he fought against his digestion system, his toilet breaks took longer these days. Much to his brats worries.

Hold on… he just considered Charlotte his Prickly Queen again? What was that supposed to mean?

Time to change the subject, definitely.

Yami took a look at the bouquet of purple lilies and white roses in Charlottes hands. “What are those for?”

“For Graces grave. Didn’t I told you that already?”

“Of course, of course,” Yami replied, hiding the fact that he haven’t listened to that part as well. “It’s nice of you, but why actually? You haven’t known her at all.”

“Just because I didn’t know her doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t care or that I shouldn’t pay my respects. What happened to her was horrible and she didn’t get any justice. She deserves respect, even after death. It doesn’t matter that she’s my brother’s mother or not.”

“Actually, you’re right, Prickly Queen. Sorry.”

Charlotte just nodded. He traits were soft and sad, as she walked to the cemetery, searching for Graces tomb. That caring and compassionate side really made her look so much more beautiful as she was already. Oh, she might seemed cold and aloof, but Yami knew very well that Charlotte was a caring person. For the kingdom, for her girlies, for any other people, civilian or knight, noble or commoner, royal or peasant.

His Prickly Queen was probably the most caring person Yami knew.

There again! He thought again about her like his… For the third time in less than five minutes! Vanessa would have said that the third time always was a charm and for the first time, Yami might admit that she was onto something.

Okay, Charlotte was definitely special for him, even more so, unique. But how? And why? Couldn’t he just have the full answer and be done with? Apparently no, whatever was messing with him, Fate or something else, probably thought he needed more steps to get his answer.

While he was blaming something he didn’t even know what it was, both he and Charlotte finally found Graces tomb. The innkeeper did described the gravestone as a simple cross with her name, her birth date and the date of her death.

“Oh… she wasn’t even twenty-five when she passed away,” Charlotte said, her voice full of sadness and compassion. “And this also means… She probably got my brother very young.”

Yami just nodded. That poor girl didn’t get a fair life. Losing her parents very young, working her health away to supply, got pregnant by a noble jerk who abandoned her with a newborn, was left alone taking care of her kiddo and died very young probably due to exhaustion, because it was too much for her.

Grace deserved justice, to be taken care of and didn’t get any of it.

“I’m sorry for what happened to you…” Charlotte whispered while putting the bouquet of roses and lilies in front of the grave. Some tears were lingering in her eyes, one of them rolled down her cheek.

Yami looked at her. It was clear that this whole story went close to her. Her father did this and Charlotte was deep down a sensible, caring person. She probably wished that Grace was still alive, to give her protection and to take care of her. Some would say it would be too late, but Yami knew that often, it was better late than never. Sadly, for Grace it was never.

Her father was a jerk, no doubt about it. Yami wished for a second that mama Roselei would have cheated on him with a better man and got Charlotte from her lover instead. Because it was so hard to believe that a jerk like that got such a wonderful daughter.

But Charlotte had his eyes, so there was no doubt. Sadly.

Strange… they had this in common. A jerk dad. Yami haven’t thought about his father for a while and his memories of him were pretty much never positive.

Looking at Charlotte, who now knelt in front of Graces grave, Yami couldn’t help but realize that both their fathers didn’t hated them, but were still jerks. Well, his father died. Hers was still alive.

Yami had the sudden urge to take Charlotte in his arms, to hug her. He had this strange longing quite often lately after his talk with William. But since he didn’t make any sense to him, he ignored it. Which hadn’t been as easy as he thought.

But this time, it felt different. This time, he didn’t want to hug her because some mysterious power pushed him specifically to her, making him long for her touch. No, he wanted to hug Charlotte to comfort her.

Would she accept to be hugged by him, though? Just because they were getting along slightly better didn’t meant that Prickly Queen would appreciate to get hugged by him out of the blue. She sometimes complained about his smell – which was true most of the time, but Yami would never admit that – or about his rude attitude – true as well, but well, being polite was future Yamis problem.

But this time? Maybe it was the right thing to do. After all, he didn’t need to drown Charlotte in his arms. A hand of her shoulder or one arm around her seemed more appropriate than a bear hug and could say so much more than any word.

So, Yami knelt down beside her.

But just as he was about to put a hand on her shoulder, something did catch his eye. On Graces gravestone.

The cross stood next to a tree and the shadows of the branches and leaves covered some of the inscriptions on the stone.

Like Graces family name.

But a soft blow of the wind, a small movement of the tree branches, the sun fell on that spot for one second.

Yami frowned, looking more closely, trying to identify the letters.

Grace Voltia.

Voltia. Voltia… Wait a fucking minute!

He heard Charlotte gasp next to him and when he turned to her, she was looking at him as well. Her eyes wide open in surprise, proving that she was doing the same conclusions as Yami.

Voltia… That was the family name of Luck.

Which would mean…

That Luck, one of his own knights, was the lost half-brother of Prickly Queen.

[stylesthebrave]

not sure I'd like to help you procrastinate, feels very wrong of me. but I'm a curious being so I'm still gonna ask; 25 & 38 :)

Hehe thank you Julia!

25- what’s your favorite line you’ve ever written?

why’d you have to ask me the most difficult question??? Bold of you to assume I remember even half of the things I write hahah. 

It’s impossible for me to know my favorite line I've ever written, so I'll answer with me favorite line I’ve written recently. This was actually from a kinktober chapter a few days ago but I love it:

Louis would give anything to ensure that he always has this, that he’s always lapping up the sweet sweet ambrosia of his one true love.

38- do you re-read your own stories?

sometimes! most of the time it’s when someone is reading my fic or talking to me about it (or both—to everyone who has ever read a fic of mine and sent me live updates, I love you always) and I realize that I don’t remember half of the things they’re talking about 😅 it’s at that point that I'm like, oh maybe I should revisit. it’s always fun seeing how I've grown as a writer, even though sometimes things from a while ago make me cringe hahah

ask me fic questions!

[inkedmyths]

Just some TMA Avatarsona shenanigans, ft. Trevor, Julia, Jon, and a poor, poor McDonalds employee

[ambrosiadarling]

bro julia michaels hits different when you’re vibing

[livehorses]

Hispanic names (Both genders)

Here I leave a list of Hispanic names for people who write Coco and Encanto fanfics or any other Hispanic inspired story. I'll have reblogged each gender section separatedly because, as always, Tumblr doesn't allow me to have more than 4096 words per post. I'll start with both genders names and red will be used for less common names.

Adrián/Adriana

Alejandro/Alejandra

Alexis/Alexa

Andrés/Andrea

Camilo/Camila

Carlos/Karla

Cristian/Cristina

Daniel/Daniela

Emilio/Emilia

Eugenio/Eugenia

Esteban/Estefanía

Gabriel/Gabriela

Jorge/Georgina

José/Josefina

Juan/Juana

Julián/Juliana

Julio/Julia-Julieta

Luis/Luisa

Mariano/Mariana

Miguel/Micaela

Pablo-Paulo/Paula-Paulina

Patricio/Patricia

Renato/Renata

Valentín/Valentina

Víctor/Victoria

Agustín/Agustina

Alberto/Alberta

Alfonso/Alfonsina

Ambrosio/Ambrosia

Antonio/Antonia

Benito/Benita

Bernardo/Bernarda

Bruno/Brunilda

Ernesto/Ernestina

Félix-Feliciano/Felicia-Felicitas

Francisco/Francisca

Guillermo/Guillermina

Manuel/Manuela

Pedro/Petra

Rafaél/Rafaela

Tomás/Tomasa

Vicente/Vicentina

Ángel/Ángela

Claudio/Claudia

Eliseo/Elisa

Silvio/Silvia

Valerio/Valeria

Carmelo/Carmela

Constantino/Constantina

Cornelio/Cornelia

Fabio/Fabiola

Jacinto/Jacinta

Lilian/Liliana

Manolo/Manola

Marcelo/Marcela

Oliverio/Olivia

Pricilo/Pricila

Tulio/Tulia

Valeriano/Valeriana

Click here to see the male names and here to see the female ones.

This is so far the most of names I could remember. If I get to remember more, I'll be adding them all, of course, if Tumblr allows me to.

I have to point out that there are non-hispanic names that have become popular and that they don't have any translation in spanish. Some of them are "Brandon" "Brian" "Nelly" "Denisse" or "Leslie" Or that they actually have one but people prefer the foreign version. These ones can be "Marion" instead of "Mariana" "Karol" instead of "Carolina"

I guess you would also like to know the nicknames of each one of the names I provided you with, or maybe even last names. If you want me to dedicate some posts to that, let me know! For the moment, I hope all of these names are useful for your O.Cs and fanfics. 😉

[mcnecter]

@crimsonsunsets​​: “Whose blood is that?” (from flynn!)

injuries | accepting.

                         ‘ how naive of you to assume i still bother with formalities such as names. ‘ 

                          ( goddess in all her SUBLIME celestial glory, unashamed in the aftermath. he finds her sprawled lazily on the ground, back against the wall gazing LANGUIDLY upon still heap of limbs sprawled across the ground. her VICTIM, whose blood now colors aquiline features with such ATTRACTIVE flush - indeed, while hot VIRILE life force of the male softens sharp PRETERNATURAL visage to seem almost human, the eerie temperament of strigoi is still evidenced, painted across full lips &. streaking down her chin. even now long, tapered fingers trail up, up, gathering still-wet remnants of victim splattered RED over milky complexion. onyx hues flutter shut as she tastes lazily, DREAMILY, shuddering as thirst begins to burn just so with renewed flavor. perhaps this was a little THEATER for the librarian - he had yet to witness fresh, BRUTAL death at the hands of her kind, especially from vampyrs as VIOLENT in the taking of their victims as the bride &. her master. still, though VISCOUS lifeblood stained her lips the scarlet AMBROSIA fills her with life, with YOUTH - without the COLD countenance normally displayed her human age was easier to witness. if not for SMUG, self-satisfied grin julia looked as MORTALLY, vulnerably beautiful as miss westenra. ) 

                         ( gaze opens, flickering to him, a deep, dark brown instead of empty STARLESS black. once she had been a girl, she had ALWAYS been soft, helpless, doomed to fade away &. die as was the natural order of things before marriage to her master. the difference is STRIKING though mortal beauty is now only a LURE, soon to fade to cold skin &. BESTIAL appearance until her next feeding. still she does not CONCEAL her true nature to mr. carsen, bloody grin bearing PEARLY fangs, stained claws pointing to corpse in faint DISGUST.  ) 

                         ‘ do not worry, bookkeeper - his blood told me he was an experienced killer himself, or as experienced as a mortal can be. besides, it is more than he deserved. death at our hands is painless, in the end. ‘