#Just felt like revisiting X•D

[crabbypalsart]

Amnesha 🥶🥶🥶

[orshii]

Crashing Waves and Second Chances

☆ Summary: You’re enjoying a well-deserved vacation with your best friend after finishing college in Greece when you run into Wooyoung, your first love from high school. The unexpected encounter stirs up old feelings and unresolved issues from your past. As Wooyoung tries to explain and make sense of what happened between you, you’re faced with a choice: revisit the past and seek closure, or move forward and see if there’s a new possibility for your relationship. Will you let him explain and explore the chance for a fresh start?

☆ Pairing: Jung Wooyoung x female reader ☆ Genre: fluff, angst, idiots in love ☆ Word count: 6,8 k

☆A/N: Waa this is my first Wooyoung ff and I'm crying. Wooyoung recently is so insane like?? I just love him and he reminded me he also exists next to my two biases :'(( But I'm back in my Wooyoung era again, yess!! And as I want to be in Greece I wrote this story, because I'm going feral staying home. And of course, because it's Greece I needed to include some Greek God references too haha. It is worth reading it till the end cause I kinda died. :D Also sorry for the mistakes I am still learning. Soo enjoy this little drabble hihi!! Byee! (divider)

The slight waves of the turquoise sea crashed along the sandy beach, sparkling from the sun beaming at its highest point. The sound of the waves lured me into a daze as the world's nestled sounds slowly disappeared. The sun burnt my skin like I was in the underworld, the sun being Hades himself, looking at me with hungry, burning eyes. But then a slight chill ran through my body as the summer breeze crawled through my skin, trying to cool down the heat I was feeling. Suddenly I felt like I was in heaven as I walked on the beach, the waves of the cool sea crashing against my foot, the wind blowing through my hair, through my white dress, as the sun slowly went down, creating a breathtakingly beautiful landscape as the sky was full of orange and red colours, the sea copying its beauty, making it look like the sky was never-ending, just as the sea.

Then I heard screaming.

And that was the moment when I opened my eyes quickly as something cold wetted me and I immediately sat up from the sunbed just to realize I was, in fact, next to the sea, but the screaming came from a little kid that just ran next to me and he just needed to get rid of the water dripping from his hair next to me. The next thing I noticed was me being as red as a crab because I fell asleep under the sun. Great, now I'm going to sleep on my back for a weak and look like half-cooked meat. I squinted from the pain as I wanted to stand up to get into the water to cool down at least.

My best friend next to me looked at me through her sunglasses a book in her hands and completely under the umbrella's shadow. She smirked at me enjoying my suffering.

"Thank you for waking me up to not burn into ashes," I said to her ironically as I squinted my eyes at her.

"You looked like you had a good dream, I just couldn't wake you up." He said acting innocent.

"Whatever, I'm going to drown in the sea," I said joking to her as she giggled at that.

"Be careful, you might get dragged down by Poseidon himself." My best friend shouted after me as I was walking towards the shore.

"I wish, dude, I wish." I turned back for a quick moment to say it to her with a smirk.

Then as I hit the water, I felt relieved because the cool water chilled my hot body and mind a little. I quickly went deeper into the sea, diving underwater just to open my eyes and look around the crystal-clear water, where I saw a few little fishes swimming around –actually swimming away from me because they were scared little shits—well I would be too if a shark would swim towards me that is no question.

The water was sparkling around me from the sand that flew upwards from the bottom of the sea, and as the sun beamed through the water it sparkled and I just lived for it, because it was so mesmerizing, I honestly could live as a mermaid, I would volunteer—

I swam around a little, cooling down so I could feel like a human again, I turned on my back and just floated on the water like garbage, pretending I was dead. Meanwhile, I thought about how I was waiting for this moment, to get away from the full-year pressure I was under, with my best friend, as we planned to get away from home for a vacation after we just graduated, leaving the stress and the pressure behind trying to figure out what is going to happen next. We just wanted to enjoy our little time together here and close out the responsibilities that came with us being unemployed as we finished college.

We decided we were going to travel to Greece, which was both of our favorite places on earth, because we felt like this place connected us, and a little piece of our hearts just felt like it was made from the soil of this landscape. We just felt a connection towards it, that pulled us towards this place. And let's not talk about the tell stories of the Gods, each of them beaming a uniqueness that didn't exist on this Earth. And when we finally arrived, we couldn't stop smiling, every stress and uneasiness leaving our souls just to feel a little relieved.

As I walked back to our sunbeds, where my best friend, Bora was sitting, still holding a book in front of her, being lost in the imaginary world, I glanced through the beach and my eyes immediately got caught on people surfing on the big waves of the crystal water, the waves making a tunnel where the professional surfers went through. I immediately got excited, wanting to try it, as I arrived at my best friend with an excited smile.

"People are surfing, look!" I pointed towards the shore, where two surfing tutors were standing, helping people out to try this sport. "And those tutors might be our next catch, just saying." I winked at her, to catch his attention, as she looked towards them with now an interested look. Her face looked like she was thinking, calculating if it was a good decision or not.

"Please?" I interlaced my hands and looked at her with puppy eyes. I always wanted to try out surfing, and this was the perfect occasion. And not for the tutors that I wanted to check closer, not at all—

Bora sighed. "Okay, let's go, surfing seems fun. And the two men there look interesting from the back." She smirked at me as I nodded in agreement as we collected our stuff and wore our flowery beach dresses.

We approached the spot, where the surfing boards with different kinds of designs were stuck into the sand and when I spotted a well-defined back with a tattoo on the nape, that was too familiar to me, I immediately regretted my decision of wanting to learn surfing.

But it was too late because before I could signal somehow to my best friend to turn around, the black-haired one with the tattoo, who wore only black swimming shorts, turned around and his eyes immediately landed on me.

And I just wanted to shout for Poseidon to drag me deep into the sea and make me his slave, because that was better than being here standing in front of my first love that broke my heart, and he didn't even know about it.

Well, he was my high school crush and I was head over heels for him, and he gave me signs that were so questionable, he made my little heart believe he wanted something from me as well. But in the end, he got together with a blonde girl with perfect red lips and a perfect body. So, eventually, I needed to let it go and get over him somehow that felt impossible. I managed to forget him with time as I didn't see him for years. But seeing him now still made my heart beat crazy like we were back in high school. And I hated it.

As he saw us approach, he nudged the person next to him, who had black hair with some blonde stripes in it, and he turned as well just to his eyes start to sparkle with excitement his lips in awe, seeing us. His dimples slightly showed from the smile he beamed at us, wearing light blue swimming shorts, his well-defined body on the sight.

They were standing there, waiting for us to approach, looking at us with different expressions. Song Mingi with pure happiness and Jung Wooyoung with wide eyes.

Jung Wooyoung the black haired and Song Mingi with the oreo hair, we were all classmates along with my bestie, Bora. The four of us were kind of inseparable. But when I started to feel more than friends towards Wooyoung, things got complicated and when we finished high school, we never saw each other. That was why some uneasy feelings swam back to me, when Bora hugged Mingi in excitement, their friendship ending just because both their best friends were fools, it wasn't fair, but this was a best friend's job after all, to be there for your best friend.

Then I just put aside all my thoughts about the past and hugged Mingi with a generous smile, I really missed Mingi, because he was like my brother back in high school. We had been friends since the beginning of school and with time Wooyoung and Bora joined us, but before them, it was just me and Mingi, we could speak about everything and anything, making us inseparable. But after what happened between the four of us it suddenly disappeared, the friendship we built through the years lost like it never existed.

When I hugged Wooyoung it wasn't sincere, I still hated him, for treating me like he did in the past, and it made me want to run away as quickly as possible.

"What are you guys doing here?" Bora asked as she hugged Wooyoung as well.

"We got a summer job here," Mingi spoke up as I avoided Wooyoung's gaze on me, focusing on Mingi only. "We are teaching people surfing and we are on a vacation at the same time, isn't it perfect?" Mingi said with excitement, his eyes shining from how sincere he was with his emotions that were always so obvious if you knew him sincerely.

"I didn't know you were into surfing," I said a little frowning, as I looked at Mingi as Wooyoung's presence still annoyed me.

"Well, we tried it out with Wooyoung for fun, and here we are, aren't we Woo?" He nudged Wooyoung with a smile, who was quiet the whole time, which was very unlike him, he just never shut up back then, and it was weird seeing him staying in silence. When Mingi nudged him a little that was when he caught up on himself and smiled back at Mingi.

"It's a vacation and we even get paid, is it heaven?" Wooyoung said as he chuckled, then looking towards us, well at me, with sharp foxlike eyes that I hated at that moment, but loved back then. "And you girls? On vacation?" He asked staring into my soul as I unwantedly looked through his still-handsome features, the unforgettable mole under his left eye, his wet hair a few strings falling into his eyes, making his gaze more intense, his bare torso on the sight, a new tattoo on his ribs that was a writing in another language.

"Yeah, we graduated and we are celebrating," I said shortly, with a fake smile as I averted my gaze from his handsome face. I hated how he made me lose my mind by only looking at him, after years of not seeing him.

"That's so nice, sometimes I regret that we missed out on college, it could have been wild," Mingi said as he chuckled looking at Wooyoung for a slight moment, who chuckled in agreement, then Mingi looked towards us again. "So did you want to learn how to surf or you just wanted to say hello?" Mingi asked curiously.

"Y/N wanted to try it out," Bora said quickly side-glancing at me with a knowing smile. I am going to kill her, so she can stay in Greece for the rest of her 'not' life.

I looked at her, somehow not too obviously telling her with my eyes that—I did not want to anymore.

Mingi clasped his hands together, "Cool, then you found the perfect men to teach you and it's even free for you girls." Mingi winked at us with a proud smile.

I wanted to back up, but I just couldn't be childish like that, to run away because my high school crush was in front of me years after, I wasn't like that…but I sincerely hated him at that moment.

With that Mingi started to explain the tactics of surfing, and firstly they showed us how to stand on the board on the dry so we would have at least a little knowledge of how to do it on water.

Meanwhile, Mingi taught Bora, next to them Wooyoung and I were standing as he explained to me how to hold the paddle, that beginners needed to use at first. I avoided his eyes in every moment I could. It was awkward and I counted the time so we could say goodbye to them and avoid them for the rest of the trip. But the education lasted a while, because we tried it out on the shallow water as well, sitting on the boards at first with the paddle and the first mission was to stand up, which I was struggling with at first but after countless fallings into the water I finally managed to stand up on the board.

Eventually, I had fun, I really did, because I put aside all my concerning thoughts and how I hated the man in front of me, who just sincerely tried to help me and catch me whenever I fell off the board. My emotions were a mixture of letting go of the past to start over and a mixture of not letting myself fall into his trap again.

But when I fell off the board again—because I celebrated my standing successfully on the board too hard—arms circled my waist to pull me up underwater, just to meet with two sharp eyes gazing at me with a smile, I lost against my own rules. It was just impossible not to fall into his trap when his wet hair fell damp on his forehead, his dimples showing from the curve of his lips, his chocolate brown eyes staring down at me, which looked almost orange from the sun shining at us. I just wanted to get away from him, because my heart started to beat fast, and I didn't want these feelings to eat me alive, it destroyed me and I didn't want that again. And as he smiled at me his face close to mine, where waterdrops fell to his chest, the thoughts of his girlfriend came back to me and that made my heart ache as I just felt overwhelmed by the fact, I nearly fell into his trap again.

So, after separating from him, I swam back to the seashore saying 'That was enough for today.' And I knew I seemed weird in their eyes, I knew my best friend also looked at me with questions in her eyes, but I just wanted to get away from there so I could breathe again normally.

My plan of avoiding them for the rest of the trip, seemed to completely fail because we just bumped into Wooyoung and Mingi every day. And we started to hang out together like in the old times. It was weird at first but after a little, I relaxed a bit and I didn't let my feelings fuck up my well-deserved vacation. So, I started to be there with them, to laugh with them and just enjoy our time together.

One evening, Mingi told us we should celebrate our graduation with some drinks, which seemed the best idea because we hadn't really drunk for our success with Bora, so we agreed immediately.

"So, how's it with Wooyoung?" Bora side-glanced at me while putting lipstick on her thin lips that was a strong red color standing in front of the mirror in our hotel room.

I scoffed at her. "Nothing? You know I sincerely hate him." I started looking at him quite sharply.

She looked at me from the reflection of the mirror as I stood next to my bed, thinking what should I wear. "C'mon, Y/N, it was a long time ago, just enjoy yourself," Bora said, closing the lipstick she used.

"I know, it's just…" I sat down on my bed staring down at my hands. "He still owes me some explanation of what happened in London and with everything, like I'm so confused from day one, Bora, it's insane how I can't forget what happened." I rambled to Bora as she turned around to look at me with concerned eyes.

She came next to me and sat beside me to caress my back. "Yea, it was so fucked-up, that whole trip was a disaster, and you really deserve an explanation of why he did that." She smiled at me genuinely, "And I'm sure Wooyoung wants to talk to you, he wanted to since we met with them, you just avoided him the whole time."

"Yes, because I can't fucking look into his eyes, without my old emotions coming to the surface and I hate it…" I looked into Bora's concerned eyes.

"Well, I think you two should talk, because it looks more complicated than it is." She said as she smiled, her eyes forming crescents.

I scoffed at that. "Just help me pick out an outfit." I leaned down towards my luggage which was a mess just like myself.

"So you could look pretty for Wooyoung?" He nudged me with his elbow, smirking as I hit his upper arm in response.

"I want to look pretty, for myself and not for others."

"Great, you should absolutely wear this," She pulled out a little black dress with a v-line and some ruffles on the end. "It's cute and sexy at the same time." She winked at me.

I rolled my eyes at her and ripped my dress out of her grip annoyed just so I could wear it. When I looked into the mirror as I was wearing the black dress, a confident, cute, and sexy girl stared back at me as Bora said. The dress reached a little above my knees, the v-line leaving my neck empty, so I put on a silver necklace with matching earrings. I left my hair to fall onto my shoulders naturally, the shorter strings of my hair falling into my eyes. As Bora stood next to me to check herself out as well, she looked gorgeous, she was wearing a tight purple dress, highlighting her perfect body line, and her black hair was in a tight bun with some silver earrings and rings. We looked hot and we were ready to gradually celebrate our graduation.

We arrived at the bar next to the pool that was lightened up with a few colorful led, that matched with the lights of the bar that was surrounded with tables and bar stools. It was already close to midnight as we were searching for the boys. Then Bora spotted them and we walked towards them between strange people, who enjoyed the free drinks as well in the perfect night weather.

When I spotted Wooyoung, who was standing next to a table with Mingi, drink already in hand, I just couldn't take my eyes off him, as my heart started to beat fast. He looked so handsome in his black shirt, the last two buttons undone, his sharp collarbones on the sight, paired with black denim shorts, that reached above his knees, his tattoo peaking a little that I just noticed he had, then my eyes landed back to his face, where his hair was wiped back a few strings falling onto his eyes, making his sharp gaze, more intense. His silver earrings hung low from his ears with a few piercings that matched with his silver necklace. He eyed me up and down very obviously with his intense gaze. And I just prayed for Poseidon to kidnap me, because it was hard to keep up, above water.

Mingi was standing next to him, wearing a bright purple shirt with blue denim shorts and a lot of accessories like necklaces, earrings, and a lot of silver rings. And we just needed to laugh because we unintentionally matched with each other, this was our dynamic, and it wasn't the first time.

As we started to drink a few cocktails and some shots the party started, the colorful lights making us disappear into the crowd that surrounded us. I danced with my hands held high jumping to the beat of the music as I felt free after an overwhelming year. The four of us were standing in a circle as we made a few silly dance moves laughing at each other. My eyes met with Wooyoung's a few times, which was a very big mistake because I felt his gaze on me the whole night the tension between us heavier and it made me uncomfortable because all of this was unfair.

So, I decided I needed more drinks and went to the bar counter to ask for a lighter cocktail and sat on the barstool until it got ready, watching the bartender in awe as he made the cocktail with some tricks.

Then suddenly I felt a hand on my waist and a strange black-haired man's face came in front of me. He was wearing a white shirt, unbuttoned his well-defined chest and abs in sight, his shoulders broad and a silver necklace ending with a cross on his popped-up chest, as he was wearing sunglasses, and I frowned.

"Am I blind or the sun is somewhere up above?" I asked the strange man in confusion as the alcohol made me feel woozy as I looked around.

The stranger chuckled at that and lifted the sunglasses to his forehead lifting his hair, making his undercut more visible. His sharp eyes were now on the sight, which reminded me of a cat. "Yes, it's up don't you see it? It's everywhere." He showed around with his hand to the lights that surrounded us and he plopped down to the barstool next to me. He smiled at me as his deep dimples showed and made his face more handsome.

I giggled at his statement and reached for my drink, sipping from it as I looked at the strange man.

"So, what does a pretty girl like you, do here alone drinking?" He leaned closer to my ear so I could understand what he said as the music was too loud.

"I'm with my friends, I just came for a drink." I pointed towards my friends, where my eyes immediately met with Wooyoung's, who was just standing there with folded arms, looking at us with killer eyes. It was my time to shine.

"Are they only your friends?" He asked with a knowing smile.

I just nodded.

The stranger hummed. "I'm Choi San." He leaned closer again and I barely heard what he said. "What's your name, pretty?" He looked deep into my eyes and suddenly I forgot my name.

"It's uh—Park Y/N." Finally, I could somehow stumble my name out as I reached my hand towards his to shake the handsome man's hands. And when he accepted it, he smiled at me and pulled me closer to him so he could whisper into my ear. "Will you dance with me, pretty?"

The alcohol swam around my body making my mind not to think at all, so I accepted his invite and I found myself dancing with a total stranger on my strange vacation where my high school crush shot daggers into the stranger's back.

As we danced along to the music, our bodies flushed together swaying our hips to the rhythm of the music, enjoying ourselves, suddenly we were separated by a hand that belonged to Jung Wooyoung himself, as he glared down at the stranger standing in front of him, they were the same height, but the expression on Wooyoung's face just made the stranger slightly smaller, as Wooyoung mumbled a few words to him that I couldn't expel. I only saw that San lifted his hands in surrender and grabbed Wooyoung's shoulder with one hand mumbling something back that seemed an apology. And with that, the stranger who looked like Ares himself just disappeared. And I looked after him wide-eyed, then at Wooyoung as I scoffed at him and turned around, trying to escape from the torturing crowd.

I felt angry at Wooyoung because what did he even think? Was it normal to send off a stranger that tried to just fucking dance with me? We were back when we were teenagers, back when I didn't understand anything he did, and it made me feel sick of him.

As I got out of the crowd, I just felt Wooyoung was following me with angry steps. And when he reached me, he grabbed my wrist and turned me around to angrily face him.

"Do not fucking run away from me!" He said as he yanked me closer to him, he looked pissed.

"What the hell did you think there?" I said with a sharp expression, trying to free my wrist from his grip, when I succeeded, I folded my arms in front of my chest. "Oh, I'm Jung Wooyoung, I should totally send this dude off, because he is flirting with her, and no one should touch her, only me. Even though I have a girlfriend." I started to ramble my thoughts out, as I gesticulated with my arms stressed.

"What are you talking about? I don't have a girlfriend." His expression changed from angry, to confused.

Words got stuck in my throat for a moment. "What about that blonde girl?" I asked confused.

He sighed, puffing air out of his lungs. "Nothing, she wasn't my girlfriend..."

 "Well…it doesn't matter. Let's just leave it." I said as I wanted to turn around.

"No, Y/N!" He grabbed my wrist again turning me around, not letting me go this time. "Stop this stubborn attitude and let's talk!" His voice raised as his face became a little impatient.

"I don't want to talk Wooyoung! We should have, a long time ago, but it's too late now because I'm so sick of your games, I can't do this Woo." I said as my voice became lower, whispering his nickname that I loved so much.

"What games are you talking about?" His grip on my wrist became a little stronger as he held my other hand in his hands pulling me closer to him. "You confuse me just as much as I do you," He whispered it close to my face.

I looked down at our hands, and I was thinking about the fact, of how much my younger self would have liked this situation. At that, my emotions suddenly hit me and I was just too tired for this conversation.

"I'm talking about London…" My voice was barely a whisper, as I still avoided his staring eyes.

He scoffed at that, letting my hands go as he ran his fingers through his raven-black hair in frustration. "London was messed up, we both made mistakes there."

I scoffed. "Yeah, whatever you say," I said giving up.

"No for fuck's sake, don't fucking do this, Y/N! You have no idea how much I had suffered because of you." He grabbed his hair stressed as he looked at me with an emotional expression.

I was too stunned to speak, my heart pumped blood into my ears as I barely heard what he said.

"If you—If you would have told me to stay…back in London, I would've Y/N! But you said nothing and let me go, it was all on you." He said stepping closer to me, his eyes watering.

I shook my head as I stepped back. "You can't fucking say that! You knew I liked you, Wooyoung, haven't I given you enough signs?" I raised my voice at him, losing my patience.

"No, you haven't! Because you were always with that fucker, Yunho and it seemed he was more important than me the whole trip." He lifted his hands shrugging his shoulders with a disappointed look.

I laughed at that, we both acted so childish and it made me feel sick. "You know what?" I stepped closer to him as I lifted my head his face close to mine. "It was a long time ago, let's just forget it. But one last thing." My eyes stared into his sharp eyes. "You can simply fuck off," I said as he looked stunned, and I turned around walking as fast as I could to disappear from there because I had enough of him.

My life was so easy after we finished high school, it was so easy without Wooyoung…too easy. But four years later he had to come into my life when all I wanted to do was to relax a little, but he had to knock on my door and step into my life again. What was the point of it? We did not belong to each other and I learned that a long time ago.

 It was 4 a.m. already as I was lying in my bed after I slammed our hotel room's door. My thoughts drowned me as I was just staring up at the white ceiling, Bora nowhere to be seen. I was thinking of the things Wooyoung said and remembered all the things that happened in London.

Well long story short—We travelled to London as a celebration of finishing high school. The things that happened there weren't a big deal thinking about it now, but back then as I was still young, life throwing out into the wild to experience the things that would make me stronger, to experience love and heartbreak at the same time, was unforgettable for a young girl.

It was our second day in London, and we went out to see the nightlife of the city. It was the four of us and a few classmates, who joined us for the night. And yes, Yunho was a good friend of mine and yes, I might happen to be with him a lot. But I was just trying to forget Wooyoung because I knew he did not return my feelings. As we got deeper into the night Wooyoung was by my side all night, holding my hand, and hugging me the whole time, and then the boys made a bet, where Wooyoung needed to kiss me out of the blue. And he did kiss me and he did tell me that he liked me, but I did not know what to do with that information as he was drunk and it might have been part of the bet.

That kiss was the best kiss of my life, it made my feelings grow deeper for him, he made me believe he felt the same, but on that night as we walked back to our hotel I unintentionally eavesdropped and heard that he did not like me it was just a bet. Then the next thing I saw was that he was kissing a girl from our classmates in front of his hotel room. And that broke me into pieces. From then I ignored Wooyoung the whole trip, not wanting to see him. Then thanks to my luck, he needed to go home sooner for some unknown reasons and I did not beg for him to stay, because I simply did not want to see him anymore.

As I was deep in my thoughts I heard the loud ping of my phone, which broke the silent bubble that embraced me. I checked my phone and it was an old group chat that I thought I was never going to see again. It was a group chat that the four of us used back then.

-Mango to 4 makes 1 team- Guys where are u??! We've been searching for u everywhere... Woo-woohoo sent a picture.

As I opened the group chat the picture that Wooyoung sent was of his hands that held a can of beer and the sea, as he was sitting on the beach, I assumed.

Mango Bro, what are you doing? Do you want to die? Woo-woohoo I'm with me, myself and I, we get along a lot. bahahahshbdwef Mango replying to Woo-woohoo Dude are u okay?? Woo-woohoo I wish the water would wash me away to Londonn. Y/n-ooo If you depart now, you might get there by the morning. Borie Guys, are we really stuck in the London situation? Woo-woohoo I don't even know what I did there... Y/n-ooo Breaking my heart? Woo-woohoo ??? Can we talk Y/n? Please... Mango These two should be locked into a dirty cell in the middle of the Pacific Ocean...istg, get your shit together you creatures!!

I sighed as I just realized I couldn't just ignore the things just because he broke my heart years ago, I was too stuck in the past that didn't even make sense.

Then another chat popped up on my screen.

Woonderland sent you a voice message.

"Y/n c'mooon, let's talk, I have no idea what I did in London but I'm sure I can explain…like the night I kissed you was the best kiss of my life and I was so glad the boys made that bet…how could someone so beautiful like you, like me, a boy who was so over himself, I couldn't believe that, I was confused, I was young and I didn't know anything about love…oh my God what am I even saying…I'mma just drown in the sea, see ya, u know like the sea. Hah, that was a nice joke."  His voice stumbled the whole time I assumed he was drunk as a skunk. His words did not make much sense. I needed to find him and clear things up.

Y/nnie Where are you?

As I was walking on the beach the waves of the turquoise sea crushed against my foot, the water felt warm against my skin as my foot sank into the soft sand leaving footprints behind me, that the water washed away immediately. The wind blew on my white dress that I changed into, the sun was slowly rising from the other side of the sea, still painting it red and orange, creating a breathtaking view of the sea.

Suddenly I felt peace as my dream popped up in my mind, where I was walking on the beach. It was the same feeling, but it wasn't a dream, there weren't any kids that could wake me up screaming next to me. I was heading towards a drunken Wooyoung that I would've never imagined because if somebody had said to me, I am going to meet with my first love who broke my heart, and I was on my way to forgiving him, I would've laughed at their face in a blink of an eye.

Then I spotted Wooyoung, who was sitting on the seashore his legs pulled up to his chest a can of beer in his hands as he was staring into the infinity of the bluish sea in the twinkle of the sunrise.

As I approached him, I sat down on the soft sand next to him folding my legs under me, and stared in front of me, mimicking Wooyoung. We sat in a comfortable silence then he reached the can towards me that I took and gulped from it, the beer left a bitter taste in my mouth that went down to my stomach, leaving an emptiness on the way.

Then I just couldn't hold back anymore and I tilted my head towards him to look at his sharp side profile, he looked like Aphrodite's son, who got banned from Olympus because he was too reckless. His jawline was as sharp as Mount Olympus, his sharp eyes gazing at the sea where Poseidon was waiting for us, the sun slowly getting up as Hades cursed our blooming connection.

"So, what happened in London, from your point of view?" I broke the comfortable silence that embraced us, breaking the peace to make peace again.

He slowly turned towards me, as his eye with the mole under was now visible, which made him look more like a God. Then he broke the eye contact and stared down at his hands, fiddling with them.

"Well, when we kissed, I told you I liked you. But you did not say anything to that. It made me believe you didn't feel the same as me, so I just gave up…I just simply gave up, because I was an asshole." His voice stumbled as he explained the situation.

"I saw you kissing that girl," I said as I averted my gaze from his face towards the sea.

He looked at me wide-eyed, as he face-palmed himself. "Fuck, I was so stupid…I did kiss her, but only because I wanted to make sure it wasn't just a fling, I wanted to know if I only imagined the sparkle with you…" I felt as if he looked at me, trying to find out what I was thinking. "But then, you ignored me the whole time…which I understand now."

I just hummed. "Can we just forget the past and start over? I'm sick of this push-and-pull game we are playing…we were just two idiots…" I looked up at him with sincere emotions as he was closer than before.

"Two idiots in love?" He beamed a sincere smile at me, as his dimples were showing, making his features more handsome. And we were just staring at each other like we saw each other for the first time. We really did start it with a clean slate.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered with so much emotion in his eyes as he leaned closer to my face his breath warming more my already blushed cheeks.

I giggled at his compliment trying to hide behind my hands.

"Hey, hey, don't you dare to hide from me." He caught my wrist taking them away from my face with a smile.

Suddenly I stood up. "No, no. I'mma just go drown in the sea, I might get a lover there." I started to walk towards the sea with a smile. Then as I looked behind my back all I saw was Wooyoung getting up from the ground and running towards me.

"Not without me." He shouted as he tried to catch me. I screamed from excitement as I was running from him, nearly waking up the whole hotel. When Wooyoung caught me, he lifted me and held me on his shoulders as my head swung towards the ground. I screamed as I saw the world upwards and he started to run towards the sea crashing into the chill waves, wetting us immediately, as he finally took me down deep in the water that reached both our chins. Both of us were laughing as I started to splash him with the surprisingly warm water, our clothes long soaked as we did not care about that. The beach was echoing with splashing water and our sincere laughter, the shore was nearly empty because of the early hour as the sun just had risen, with only a few people lurking around to watch the sunrise.

As I got a little away from Wooyoung in the little splashing war we had created, he suddenly started to swim towards me and when he reached me, he caught my waist underwater, his hands encircling me, holding me strong, then he suddenly brought the both of us underwater, as we were sinking down towards the bottom, slowly opening our eyes to look at each other's mesmerizing features, both of us looking like Poseidon's stunning creatures, with our hairs flowing around us like a crown. The water sparkled around us with the sun shining above us. When we ran out of oxygen, we swam above water, just to Wooyoung pull me up close to his wet body, I naturally wrapped my legs around his waist, as his hands travelled under my thighs holding me close to him. My arms did the same as I was staring into his foxlike eyes, the waterdrops on his features perfectly slipping from his face to be one with the water that embraced us. The shirt that was glued to his skin, made his collarbone and chest peak out, where a black necklace was hanging with a moon. As my eyes found their way to his lips, I couldn't avert my gaze from his perfect red lips, salty waterdrops highlighting the mole on the bottom of his lips. My eyes met his, where desire burned with a passion that came from hell, making him look like Hades and Eros the God of carnal love.

And when his lips met mine as he held me close to him in the blue sea where we were floating like two paper-made ships, I felt like I could drown in the sea, because as his lips moved against mine, I felt like all the Gods kissed me at once, it was passionate and full of lust that made us whole again. My fingers crawled into his wet hair while we kissed pulling at it slightly as he moaned into my lips, at that my tongue found its way into his mouth discovering all the hidden places. When he got his senses back a little his tongue tangled with mine, fighting for dominance, as his hands lifted me a little to find their way on my ass as he pulled me impossibly closer to him, the water splashing between us.

When we separated after an eternity our foreheads met and we stared into each other's eyes with joy, the waking sun beaming at us from above, painting us with colors of yellow and orange that made the both of us look like a God and Goddess that could rule the world together rewarding the good and punishing the bad.

A/N: I might write Bora's and Mingi's stories as well because they aren't just old friends, they also have a complicated story. :PP

(Ateez masterlist)

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 1 - the gc birth

in which two online friends navigate a romance through a minecraft groupchat with their stupid friends

or, newt, the quiet, stoic boy, and y/n, the bubbly girl both curse the world for keeping them apart, but at least they can send each other cute emojis and hope the other doesn't notice their blossoming feelings.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

notes: hi :p im very new to writing on tumblr (but ive always been a reader) so pls bare w me! and im trying to revert back to being 14 (im 23 lols..) so im revisiting my old favs including the maze runner/thomas (bc i binged the artful dodger and now im obsessed again). there will be non-text chapters in the future as well, when everyone eventually meets. this will be newt focused so enjoy !! also everyone is like a realistic age from 23 to 28

__

THE GLADE

[ 7:45 PM ]

alby added minho, y/n, newt, tommy, and gally

alby: Hello, guys.

minho: wtf is this

newt: uhhhh

tommy: hi :3

y/n: so this is why you asked me for my # in private

gally: i didn’t consent to this when i gave you my number

newt: don’t give strange men your number y/n

tommy: oh that’s y/n?

alby: Wait, Newt you had Y/N’s number already??

newt: yea

tommy: o.O

y/n: i gave it to him like two weeks after we met lmao

tommy: SO HE HAD YOUR NUMBER FOR A YEAR AND I DIDNT????

y/n: well he asked and you guys didn’t :p

newt: lmao

minho: ik he smug as fuck rn

not u asking for a girls number lmao simp

newt: stop

y/n: we all talk in discord anyways so i didn’t really think about it

plus you guys are friends irl so idk

it felt kinda weird to insert myself heh

minho: we’ve known you for a year and a half y/n

we play games all the time

call all the time

we even send packages and shit

you’re very much considered our irl friend

y/n: REALLY?? 🥺🥺

tommy: internet friends are real friends 😍❤️

minho: the heart eyes are crazy

but yes dude

newt: of course you’re our close friend. just cuz we live near each other and you’re a bit far away doesn’t mean we don’t adore you

minho: ADORE IS CRAZY LMFAO

but real ig

y/n: AWWWWW YOU GUYS LOVEEE MEEEEEE

hahahahha

HAHAHHAHJFIEKMGOR

I LVOE YOU GIYYYYSSSS IM PUTTING ALL OUR MINECRAFT BEDS TOGETHER LATER

gally: i do not want my bed to be infested by you guys

minho: gally sleeps in the corner

gally: no i dont i sleep in my mansion

y/n: cherry blossom mansion*

gally: and you sleep in a shed

y/n: cherry blossom shed* its pink and that matters.

tommy: love you y/n 😊🥰

y/n: love you tommy <3333

minho: that’s actually nasty stop now

y/n: u mad ur unloved

i love how the gc name is our minecraft town name :((

newt: aw it is

minho: can we talk about why tf this was made when we have a perfectly good discord

alby: I’m done with Discord.

newt: you got your shit hacked didn’t you mate

minho: mate 💀💀

british people so crazy

alby: Yes maybe..

I don’t want to make another.

y/n: or your old ass doesn’t know how to

minho: LMAO REAL

alby: Gonna ignore that. But I am getting too old for it. I have a new promotion at work so that means I won’t have time to play with you guys as much anymore. So I decided to make this groupchat in hopes to talk to you guys more to make up for it :)

minho: every group always has the old head with the job 💀💀

newt: minho admitting he’s jobless

minho: you work at a library be so fr rn

newt: i have an income. you have a room in your grandmas basement. we are not the same.

gally: LMFAOOOOOOO

minho: stfu :////

y/n: AWWWWWWW ALBYYYYYYY

tommy: YAAAY!!!!

im going to text you guys all day

tell you every meal

every thought

every interaction will be meaningful and glorious

newt: you are 24 years old you don’t have to do all that

minho: no fr im turning off my phone if he starts this shit

why not just do it before in the discord ??

tommy: easy access now and i tried before but stopped since no one really replied..

y/n: i say we all do it :D i will too tommy

newt: ok second thought that’s fine

minho: .

gally: that’s wild.

y/n: YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! NEWT YOU GO FIRST

newt: first with what

y/n: say what u ate today

newt: didn’t say i’d do it.

tommy: i ate muffin, monster energy drink, and hamburger :3333

you guys next

minho: that’s all you had bro..

y/n: hot cheetos and french fries and coffee :D

minho: ??????? BRO

how are you guys alive

y/n: it's my day off and no class so i just wanna rot in bed and that means no cooking

newt: please eat and drink water.

like for real and document it

y/n: ok wait

there

tommy: yum!

minho: y/n..

newt: cereal does not count

y/n: I DONT HAVE ENERGY TO MAKE ANYTHING OKAY

im a 23 year old broke college student my fridge is bare

newt: alright what do you want?

y/n: wym?

newt: like if you could pick.

minho: that’s so cruel 😭😭 just making her imagine it

i like it go on.

tommy: i want chick fil a

minho: i knew you hate the gays

tommy: I AM THE GAYS?????

y/n: ugh that does sound good

mmmm chickem sandiwh waffle fry I Want that Os mYch

newt: that’s what you would order?

y/n: mmmcm yeahshhhhh

newt: ok

minho: that’s it?

i thought soemthing would happen

tommy: me too

like a spell! magic 🪄

y/n: sigh

my cereal tastes bad now

newt: well it is cocoa puffs.

minho: L cereal

y/n: DTOP SAYING L ITS SO ANNOYITIGJNGGGGG

minho: she so madddd 😂😂 L

newt: you're annoying minho

minho: youre just saying that bc shes saying that

newt: no ive always said it. and i will continue to. youre fucking annoying

minho: who bought you your coffee yesterday

newt: ???

myself

and i paid for yours too

im the one with an income

minho: .

well i didnt think youd remember that well.

newt: it was literally yesterday.

minho: yeah but ur old

newt: IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU

minho: yeah but im 🤗✨ 26 ✨🤗and youre... 26😬😔

tommy: guys stop fighting

newt: we aren't fighting

maybe this gc was a bad idea

tommy: NO!!!!!!!!!

y/n: NOOOO!

tommy: this is like y/n is here w us irl

y/n: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

minho: no it's not. we would smell a foul stench if she was

y/n: i ahte you sooo bad.

wait there is a knock at my door im scared

newt: answer it

minho: aren't you supposed to say don't open the door for strangers ????

newt: well usually yes

y/n: no im not expecting company

newt: just do it pls

y/n: ok :D

minho: bruh..

i hope she gets robbed and u feel bad forever newt

newt: why would you want that

minho: bc she owes me money

newt: YOU owe ME money

minho: yes but i have a good reason she just wanted robux

tommy: Y/N DONT DO IT!!! I HAVE SEEN DATELINE

y/n: :o....

tommy: Y/N?????????

OH GOD THEY GOT HER

minho: why would she text a silly face if she got got

tommy: clearly its a surprised face

maybe its not her

its like those cut out magazine letters murderers use

y/n: who got me chick fil a!!!!!!!!!!

minho: me

newt: you literally did not

minho: shut up

y/n: newt it was u i see ur name on the receipt

newt: well

y/n: :(

newt: what why are you sad?

minho: im hungry too

y/n: u spent ur money :(

newt: you're hungry are you not?

minho: she's not but i am

y/n: yeah but..

i feel bad you shouldn't have

newt: just eat it or i'll be mad

minho: i think i want red lobster

newt: it's really no big deal y/n

y/n: thank you newt :(((((

newt: you're welcome

go eat and watch ur show or smth

minho: i owuld love to eat and watch a show rn <33 ohhhh im starving

newt: can you shut up

gally: im muting this gc if this means i have to deal with your guys' shit more than usual now.

minho: thank god

newt: good

tommy: good

y/n: good

the food is good too <3

newt: good.

_

lmk if you want to be tagged!

[fanfichubcircuit]

Bullfrog Alphabet NSFW 18+

While I'm working on the Bullfrog x Reader here's my sexy Bullfrog HCs to tide y'all over. Enjoy!

A = Aftercare (What they're like after sex)

Bullfrog is a very sweet person so aftercare can range from laying together talking before sleep to rubbing your sore muscles and cleaning you up. Whatever your comfort level is and whatever you need. You’d probably have to be forward and ask him what he needs. He also has like any juice or Powerade type deal you could want after.

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs)

Non-sexually he likes his eyes the best. He thinks they’re nice and bright and loves making them pop with his eyeliner. When it comes to the bedroom his tongue is his favorite. It’s really large and soft so his partners enjoy it, and he loves the excuse to taste who he’s with. If you have a size kink, he can definitely satisfy it.

C = Cum (Anything to do with it)

You could literally cum anywhere on him. The only rules are no eyes, nose, or ear holes that just sucks. He likes feeling the proof that you enjoyed it and secretly he likes being marked by it. He wants to mark you too across your stomach and thighs or your back and ass (He couldn’t reach your face if he wanted to). If he gets to cum inside he wants to hold it in. And if you gently wipe some of yours on his face he’ll melt.

D = Dirty secret(s)

He totally stole your underwear. You two had been hot and heavy the night before so it was covered in you. It’s the only thing he’s never asked you permission for, but he was going on a mission solo and wanted you there, so he figured this was the next best thing. Throughout the whole ordeal of sneaking into that facility he kept shoving his face into your underwear to fill his lungs with you. He’s a little sex freak, but he’s YOUR little sex freak. Besides you two were well established at this point he didn’t think much about it.

The other secret he thinks about waaaay too much in his opinion. He had a dream that you clamped a spiked dog collar on his neck and dragged him around, complimenting him in a demeaning tone. You roughed him up and made him beg for a leash. He woke up in a sweat, confused, and blindingly hard. He’s not new to rough sex or the talk the leash stuff however makes him feel.. guilty. He’s very open minded when it comes to sexuality, but being a hybrid the whole leash thing felt like something he shouldn’t want. He totally revisits it when he touches himself.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Before his guild sect of the brotherhood was wiped out, back when he was first training with all the others in his age group. A bunch of super athletic young adults in close quarters all the time? Yeah. It was as randy as the Olympics. As he got older and moved away from the guild’s main compound he kept in touch with his fellow assassins as fuck buddies until.. well. He also had his fair share of romantic flings and one-night stands. Bullfrog knows his work is dangerous so he’s not ever afraid to shoot his shot. He wants to enjoy life as much as he can and he wants whatever partner he’s with to be as happy as possible as well and with his plethora of experience he is very good at keeping people happy.

F = Favorite position

He loves when you’re on top and pin him down with your hands and your body. But he also loves 69’ing so whatever creative position makes that magic happen he’d be over the moon for. Definitely wants to combine the two. You’re scared of smothering him? “A truly honorable way to go, but I am much too strong for that.”

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? More humorous?)

He loves to keep you happy and isn’t afraid to be silly. Anything embarrassing that happens turns into a shared laugh before jumping back into things. Any anxieties he jokes away with you. He can be serious too, but he sees the value in both. It’s sex, and his ego isn’t fragile, he’s not afraid to laugh. He loves having fun with you.

H = Hang-Ups (Stuff to Work through possibly) Replacing Hair

See the Collar Dream*. Bullfrog is very leveled out, but he’s not the best at focusing on himself. He loves to give, but you will have to remind him to be selfish sometimes and voice what he wants more.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? Romantic wise)

He is very intimate even when he’s silly. Being able to laugh and smile with you is a big part of it for him. But he also loves peppering your skin with kisses, tracing patterns into your skin, and if you’re down with eye contact he’s going to give you loads of soft heated looks up through his eyelashes. And the talk during? He’s either sweetly complimenting you or talking about your future together with such confidence you know no matter what Eden throws at you two you can handle it.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation Headcanon)

He uses his bubbles to relive past times instead of watching porn. He can also suck himself off he’s that flexible.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He has so many. But a few top ones are he loves to be teased and denied. He also likes being rough with each other as long as it’s safe. His absolute favorite is knife play with his hidden blades. The fact that you would trust him so much when he’s so dangerous really gets him going. He doesn’t even need to cut you just having it laying against your neck while he’s in you is enough to make him lose his mind. He would love to cut off your clothes beforehand. He would let you choke him or step on his dick. But if you’re not a fan of rough stuff he doesn’t mind just being soft with you. He is top/bottom sub/dom whatever floats your boat. He loves giving you what you want. Having the power to bring you pleasure. Also wants to watch you masturbate or get dicked down. Not as a cuckold thing, he just wants to watch you in pleasure and doesn’t mind sharing.

L = Location (Where?)

Where do you want to do it? He can probably make it happen. If it’s a crowded room with no hiding spots it might be up in the rafters though. Hope you’re not scared of heights.

M = Motivation (What turns them on?)

Anytime you do something that’s super cute or just reminds him of why he loves you he’s already planning what to do to you when you two have a moment. He just won’t tell you. Unless you like being teased as much as he does. That’s the other part of it if you try to turn him on you’ve already succeeded. Even if you totally fell on your face, he would find it way too cute.

N = No (Hard and Soft boundaries)

Hard Boundaries: No big wounds and nothing dangerous or permanent. He likes things a little rough, but he’s not a maniac about it. He doesn’t like being outright cruel either. He’ll tease, but it never goes that deep emotionally. Soft Boundaries: He doesn’t like roleplaying as other people. He’ll roleplay different scenarios about how y’all first banged etc. all day, but he doesn’t want to ‘be someone else’. If he’s gotta be a pizza delivery guy it’s going to be him as a pizza guy not some dweeb named Paul.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Already stated in B, but his tongue is so big and soft. King of oral. Loves to go down on you and loves to receive. He really likes 69’ing because then the two of you can get lost in each other, but it’s a difficult pose to find with the size difference. Wants to see how much he can fit in you.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

After a high stress mission or long time apart absolutely fast and rough, but if he’s feeling romantic slow and sensual. Either way if you want something and voice it it’s yours. The pace is whatever you want.

Q = Quickie (How do they feel about it?)

Hand stuff and oral absolutely is a go whenever and wherever as long as you two aren’t in mortal danger. Full on penetration though? Nope. Not quickie material. Quickies in his mind are fast and free. Just giggling and touching each other without being super complicated.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks?)

Absolutely. He’s confident bordering on cocky when it comes to his skill set. You want to fuck in a space you’re not supposed to? He can get y’all there and keep you hidden. You want to try a new kink? He’s probably had experience in it and if not he’s a quick learner. He risks his life all the time. Risk in sex is a cake walk.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go?)

More than you.

T = Toys (Do they own any toys?)

Absolutely. He has some for himself, and some to use with a partner. A good assassin isn’t afraid to take advantage of his tools.

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

He’s very teasing when it comes to his flirting, but pulls back when it comes to the bedroom until you prove you can take it.

V = Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make?)

His breathes get heavy during, but if you’re doing your job, you could ring some sweet cries out of him. He’s not afraid to get vocal.

W = Wild card (Random Headcanon)

He knows how to pull. He’s not afraid to be cute and sexy and it is a deadly combo. That sensual look he can throw out just by lowering his eyelids? He knows what he’s doing. He’s making you laugh one minute then you look over to him. He’s on his side, head propped up on his fist so his arm pops, looking at you like that. “Would you like to see how flexible assassins have to be?” Yeah, you were screwed from the start.

X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He does have a cock I mean he’s a hybrid he’s bipedal and has eyebrows he’s not exactly 100% bullfrog. But he doesn’t have balls and it’s a reddish purple instead of pink or straight red. Smaller than the average I would say about 4 inches, but he’s really thick.

Y= Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Like I said before you being you turns him on. His drive is very high. But he also likes the anticipation so being ready more often than you and having to wait adds a little something extra for him.

Z = Zzz (How fast do they fall asleep?)

He loves pillow talk so most of the time he’s the last out. Unless it’s really cold outside and he’s snuggled against your warmth. He’s out like a light.

[whenlostinthedarkness]

Afterglow: Chapter 2 / Part 1 - In My Way

Leader Singer!Reader x Lead Guitarist!Ellie Williams

Photo by @abbysthighs ; edited by me

Summary: You and the band attend a party after the show, which leaves you social exhausted. Ellie takes note and you both decide to head back to the hotel for some much needed come down time from the surplus of social interaction

Warnings: Social anxiety, Weed smoking, and mentions of reader & Ellie’s past relationship; I believe that is it.

A/N: If you haven't caught on by now, each chapter will be named after a MUNA song that is fitting for the situation. Listen to ' In My Way' here.

Intro | Chapter One |

A soft towel was thrown around your shoulder by Dina as you and the rest of your bandmates exited from the stage, leaving a crowd still screaming as they begged for yet another encore, even though you'd already given them two on top of the one you did every night of every show.

"Well, they were fucking crazy", Jesse laughed while dabbing his forehead with his own towel.

"Seriously! I think that was the highest energy we've gotten from a crowd so far," Ellie said, mirroring Jesse as she too held the towel against her forehead that was dampened with a few locks of hair.

The thundering crowds noises were quickly dissipating the further your band walked into the back stage area, until you all had finally made it to the large, shared dressing room.

"God, it's fucking hot!," you exclaimed while dramatically fanning yourself as you stood in front of a table top revolving fan that was turned up to high.

"Yes, yes you are," Dina teased as she began undoing her button up shirt, joining the rest of the group that had already started undressing out of their sweaty clothes.

In a flirtatious manor, that you both knew held nothing but friendly intentions, you turned around with your hand on your hip.

"Don't tease me D."

"What if I'm not?"

Both of your coquettish expressions caved into humored ones the minute you made eye contact.

"We've already been down that route in college, no need to revisit it," you joked with a pointed finger as you began undoing your top.

"God, don't remind me. It was like fucking my sister-no offense." You nodded in agreement with Dina as you voiced your mutual feelings about the night both of you had drunkenly hooked up after a party in college.

Thankfully, It wasn't a completely bad experience. It was the reason the both of you had become friends after all. What better way to bond than after a hook up that neither of you felt a romantic connection with, yet still enjoyed the others company.

As Ellie began zipping out of her jeans, she couldn't help but listen in on yours and Dina's conversation and reminisce about that night.

You, Ellie, and an apartment that was much too small for the amount of people that were walking in through the back door.

A local college band was playing in a space that no doubt was originally a living room that had been moved around to arrange a space for the band and others to gather around them.

You held on tight to the back of Ellie's-aka your roommate who you had met just a couple days ago- shirt as you allowed her to guide you through the mass amount of bodies that were somehow fit into this space that couldn't have been more than 1,000 square feet.

As college parties go, you and Ellie ended up talking with cheap beers in hand for awhile as you watched the people around you, until you saw Dina walk in. She was clearly the life of the party, which is what caught your attention in the first place…and she wasn't bad looking either.

Ellie remembered you whispering how hot you thought the dark haired girl, who you would come to know as Dina, was. Urgently, Ellie turned her head to look at you with furrowed eyebrows that begged to ask a question.

"Are you gay?"

Present day Ellie laughed quietly in the dressing room as she recalled you saying "do I look like I'm straight?", in a way that was so deeply offended, you would've thought you had been mistaken for the worst possible human being one could imagine.

Suddenly, there was a feeling of fear and hope spun together in a braided ribbon. Because now that she knew you liked girls, that meant that her immediate attraction to you wasn’t something that she could shove off in a corner. No, now her mind would conjure up all these scenarios and universes where it was you and her tangled up in sheets as your bare skin touched her bare skin, all because it was something that was possible.

Sure, it wasn’t definite and, at that time Ellie had no idea that you had felt this immediate attraction to her as well, but now, it was easier for her to picture herself with you because it wasn’t like the crushes Ellie had on straight girls in the past. This time it was real and raw and vulnerable.

"What so funny?"

Ellie hadn't noticed you, snuck up on her as she changed with her back to the rest of the group.

Quickly she peaked over her shoulder as she continued getting undressed.

"Remember when you were offended that I didn't know you were gay?"

A warm, comforting feeling filled you as you thought back to your very first outing with Ellie.

You nodded, "Yeah! I'm still pissed about it."

Ellie chuckled, "You're dumb."

You didn't reply, merely just watched silently as one by one, Ellie's legs slipped out of the denim, leaving her in plain colored boxer briefs and an undone button down shirt while her back was still to you.

You knew better than to allow your eyes and imagination to linger too long-that was dangerous territory; a been there done that type of territory.

The group continued chatting as each of you finished changing into less dampened clothing.

"You guys going to that party tonight?"

At Jesse's words your eyebrow raised in question, until you recalled the big name popstar's birthday gathering you all had been invited to that was happening tonight. Quietly, you sighed as you finished grabbing all of your personal belongings.

"Not sure. You?"

Jesse 'pst' his lips, "Ah c'mon! You have to come. It'll be a nice way to decompress. We haven't had a night off in ages."

You couldn't disagree. It had indeed been a two week spread of shows every single night...maybe a party wouldn't hurt.

But on the other hand, you knew you dreaded any sort of social gathering that was bound to leave you overstimulated and exhausted by the end of the night.

"I don't know.."

"Babe cmon, you deserve it. I deserve it. We all deserve it! Besides, we can ditch if we're too exhausted or if it's lame or something," Dina said as she turned around, joining the rest of you and your bandmates as you all naturally gathered in the center of the changing room.

You wagered your plan of staying in the hotel in stretchy clothes with takeout in hand and a shitty movie on the tv as you snuggled into the fluffy blankets…but the looks you were getting from your bandmates pretty much prepared an answer for you.

"Fineeee," you dragged your words as Dina took the initiative of leaving as she opened the dressing room door.

"Who knows, maybe you'll get laid."

You shook your head, shoving Dina playfully on the shoulder as you followed behind her. "Shut up slut."

Ellie followed behind you, and Jesse behind her as he chuckled at the usual banter between you and Dina that continued for the entirety of the walk to the black vehicle that was ready to take your band to the party.

----

You'd been at the party for only an hour before you felt your threshold being pushed to it's farthest limit.

Dina and Jesse had been loved up on the dance floor, shouting the words of a song that was unfamiliar to you as Jesse had both of his arms around his love.

Ellie had caught your eye as she talked with other people throughout the party, always having some sort of whiskey drink in hand as she fidgeted with the small black straw she was swirling around her drink.

You knew how awful Ellie was in conversation, or rather following along with a conversation. Her thoughts always seemed to take over, making it hard for her to be fixed in on the entirety of a conversation as she, instead, resorted to zoning out or fixating herself on some sort of habit like she was right now.

With your back lent against a crisp white wall, you raised your drink to your mouth as you took a sip while still watching Ellie attempt conversation, until her eyes locked with yours.

She knew this version of you too well. The crowds, the socializing, the various amount of different noises all going on at once, none of it was ever your forte.

You quickly averted your gaze downwards into the honey colored drink in your glass, which made you oblivious to the fact that Ellie had already dismissed herself from her conversation and began making strides towards you.

"Over it already?"

Her familiar tone made your eyes glance upwards briefly before bringing them back down to your drink. You shrugged, "You know how I am at these things."

Ellie indeed knew too well. She also knew how much you resented yourself for not being able to handle a party without feeling like shit before, during, and after.

"Wanna head out? I'm kind of over this too." Ellie said as she mimicked your position of back resting against a wall with nearly empty drink in hand.

Your eyes remained low as you talked. "You don't have to leave because of me."

"I'm not," Ellie assured, "you're the one who can't do social gatherings, I'm the one whose bored of superficial small talk with people that I couldn't give less of a fuck about."

At her words, you chuckled, your neck now raising as your tipsy squinted eyes finally made contact with Ellie.

"Promise it's not because you feel sorry for me?"

Ellie's face lit up with a familiar, warm grin as she held up her pinky to swear her promise was true. "Promise."

You wore a lazy, but genuine smile as you extended your own pinky and gently hooked it around Ellie's. "Let's get the fuck out of here then."

---

The drive back to the hotel was silent except for the easy listening radio the Uber drive had been playing in the vehicle. You were thankful they were playing music that was appropriate for the 3am hour that it was. The last thing you needed was heavy bass to fuel your already slightly aching head.

Both you and Ellie made your way into the hotel once the uber had reached your home for the night. Thankfully, your manager had taken care of check in so your room key was already tucked inside the palm of your hand, leaving the only thing to do was slide your key through the appropriate suite numbers door so you could fall face first into a fluffy, white bed.

Your mind pulsed with the room number as you got closer. '208, 2010, 2011, 2012."

A literal weight seemed to fall off of your body when you mentally read the 4 digit number.

"This is me. What room did you get?"

'Fuck', Ellie thought as she did a double take on the room number that was written on her key card and the room number engraved in a gold plaque on the door you were both stopped in front of.

"Me too. Guess we’re rooming together."

Ellie didn't mean for her words to come out with a grimace expression, but you understood why the second she said it.

Annalise. You'd told her once about not wanting to room with Ellie due to your past with her and it was never a forgotten thing..I guess not until now.

It wasn't that you didn't want to hang out with Ellie. Ellie was your best friend first, ex girlfriend second. Despite the past the both of you shared, you always made it your mission to never let it interfere with one of the strongest friendships you've ever had with a person.

Not rooming together was more of a...preventative measure. You and Ellie had dated for a couple years, obviously you also slept together during that time. Keeping separate sleeping arrangements was just a way to keep certain situations less likely to happen.

Without either of you making eye contact, you slid the card in, then out of the slot in the door as a light flashed green, signaling the release of the lock.

You could feel the very dim way your hands shook as you grasped the metal knob in hand, allowing you and Ellie entry into the spacious suite that, thankfully, had two queen sized beds in it. You couldn’t imagine what would happen if the hotel somehow made a mistake and gave you a suite with a single bed; at least one thing was on yours and Ellie’s side. Though it didn’t make the situation at hand any better.

The tension was thick like a humid august day in Florida.

You and Ellie had taken to silence as you both worked on unpacking the few essentials you had on your person - thank god your team had already managed to put both yours and Ellie's luggages by each of your bedside, leaving not too much work to be done tonight unpacking wise.

Once your shoes had been tucked away in the small closet, your phone charger plugged in with your phone attached to it, and your pajama's in hand, you set off for the bathroom in the still silent hotel room.

A quick shower paired with freely brushed teeth, a clean face, and much more stretchy clothing had you feeling almost fully recovered post show and post social gathering.

As you walked out of the bathroom, you couldn't help but follow the trail of clothing that was sprawled sloppily on the floor and on top of the bed that was Ellie's for tonight.

It was like a mouse hunt as you followed along the fabric and items Ellie had no doubt shoveled out of her bag instead of putting them away neatly - typical for Ellie. She was never the cleanliest of the band members.

The humored smile remained on your face as you walked from the area in the suite that contained the beds, over to the small hallway that led to the living room area.

Ellie was sprawled along the couch with nothing but a table side lamp on as her eyes were glued to her phone while her finger moved along the screen.

Thankfully she hadn't caught wind of your entrance or else she would've seen the way you ran your eyes up from her sock clade feet all the way up to the athletic shorts and hoodie that was branded with your bands logo. She only looked up when you sunk down on the opposite side of the couch she was on.

Startled, Ellie looked up at you, looking as if she had forgotten you were even here, and for a minute she honestly did. Ellies eyes had been zoned in on the text exchange between her and her girlfriend, Cat, since the moment she flopped herself onto the couch in a living room that wasn't hers- this was somewhat of a routine she had subconsciously started doing ever since the tour began.

Your eyes naturally followed along to Ellies screen as curiosity got the best of you, but when you saw the name and photo labeled at the very top of the text exchange, you felt that same god damn feeling. That drop, that warmth, that surge of an energy that was anything but positive.

It was as if Ellie could read your mind as she followed your eye line and quickly locked her phone before setting it on the arm rest of her side of the couch.

Clearing your throat, you tried your best at creating a diversion.

"I see you're still messy as ever." Your eyes remained low as you fiddled with the hem of your sweats that sat on top of your ankle bone.

Ellie smiled, mimicking your lack of contact gaze as her vision zoned out on the grey colored couch cushion.

Her mind began to dump through memories upon memories; when you and Ellie were roommates, you were always complaining about her side of the room, which quickly morphed into the entirety of the room as the floor was filled with various clothes, personal items, etc.

You only genuinely got upset about it once- finals week, freshmen year. You were stressed, Ellie was stressed, thus ensued the first of many fights that the both of you would have over petty things.

But the both of you were grown now and surely you could have a conversation over something like that.

"Shit, I'm sorry." Ellie made the move to get up from the couch until you spoke with a waving hand.

"I'm fucking with you El. You're good," you said with a calmed smile and warm tone.

"You sure? Cause I can-"

You were nodding quickly, having to fight back a large grin and laugh at how quick Ellie was willing to get up and tidy the space. You couldn't help but interrupt her quick thoughts that you could tell were piling up a mile high in her mind.

"Ellie."

At the sound of her name, Ellie felt her thoughts fall from their whirlwind as she instead focused her attention on one thing at a time and that one thing was you.

"You're good, I promise."

It was crazy how, just at the confirmation of your words, Ellie was able to calm herself down. There weren't many people in the world who could fully put her mind at ease and allow it to stop the overthinking, but you always could. You held a sense of magic over her.

"Wanna watch a movie or something?"

Though Ellie hadn't agreed yet, the remote control was already tucked in your hand as your thumb pressed down on the appropriate buttons. As if you already knew what a routine of assisting Ellie from an anxiety come down was like, which you did.

"Yeah that sounds good." Ellie's words were straight laced as she recognized her pulse for the first time and just how rapidly it was beating.

"Do you mind if I smoke? I usually do it after shows, but since we don't room together I wasn't sure-"

"Yeah your good." You interrupted, making Ellie let out a breathy laugh as she walked over to her bag that sat on top of her bed.

"What?" You asked with confusion.

"You've interrupted me like five times already." Ellie's tone was anything but malicious which assured you that she wasn't upset with your bad habit, but that didn't make you feel any less ashamed either.

"I'm soooorry," you dragged out, the sound of rummaging in the background as Ellie grabbed her trusty tin box that contained a single pre roll and her lighter.

"You know I'm fucking with you." Ellie made her way back to the living room area as she scouted out a source for proper ventilation to ensure the smell of the potent greenery wouldn't cloud up the room or the entire floor.

Thankfully the suite was equipped with massive windows that looked as if they were from the 1920’s. Adorned with different variations of swirls and florals that made the layer of cream colored paint anything but some plain colored windowsill.

Using two of her hands, Ellie grasped the bottom of the window and pulled it upwards as far as the rusted parts would allow. As if out of some sort of rom com, Ellie took a seat on the windowsill as she flicked the lighter with her thumb until it lit a small flame.

At the noise of the lighter, you turned your attention to Ellie just as the flame caught the tip of her joint- a line of smoke streamed from the now charred stuffed rolling paper. You watched Ellie’s chest as she deeply inhaled with her eyes closed, the end of the 'j' searing red as she did so, and held the smoke in her mouth for a few seconds before releasing the breath she was purposefully holding.

Even though Ellie was used to the weed, she never failed to let out a string of coughs after a deep inhale. After her second cough, you turned your body fully around to find Ellie with her mouth tucked into the crevice of her elbow as her body tried to rid itself of the irritant in her throat.

“Water?”, you questioned, to which Ellie nodded as she continued to blow out on last cough until you were standing in front of her with your steel water bottle in hand.

The way Ellie’s mouth wrapped around the tip of the bottle made your pupils dilate as you watched her gulp down several sips of water. She muttered a “Thanks” while handing the water bottle back to you while you scolded your mind for reminiscing on exactly what Ellie’s mouth could do in certain situations.

Once her throat had been cleared enough times for the saliva in her throat to break up, she leant her back against the window frame again, relaxing as the high in her mind began to build.

“Wanna hit?”, Ellie said with hooded eyes as she looked up at your standing form.

The fact that you had to stop and ponder your answer made you cringe. You were a far off version of who you once were only a year ago. Now, you got up early in the morning and did yoga just after you made yourself a hot cup of decaf coffee because, for some god awful reason, you needed a change and that change happened to be weening yourself off of caffeine.

It was funny how well you were convincing yourself and others that you were better and striding along nicely on the path of self love and content while being by yourself. What others didn't know is that you had never felt more lonely in your life. Even after Ellie and your's breakup nearly 4 years ago, you had never felt this bottomless pit that you only had to deal with once off that stage.

Maybe thats why you felt so addicted to performing. Maybe thats why you were the only one who didn’t complain when you saw how many shoes you would be putting on this tour. It took your mind off of reality..it was your drug.

"Sure," you answered Ellie as she reached her nearly limp hand out to you with a relaxed grin on her face.

The moment the joint was held between your pointer finger & thumb, it felt instinctual, despite a year or so without the substance.

As the smoke sucked down your throat, you could already feel your head beginning to float.

"Nice, right?"

You nodded, as you passed the joint back to Ellie just before taking a sip out of your water bottle that moments ago had been pressed against Ellie's mouth. You could still taste the vague cherry chapstick flavor of her lip balm. “I haven't smoked in fucking ages."

Ellie nodded as she took another big hit that made her shoulders slump even more against the window as she delved into a state of relaxation. "This shit is the only thing that calms me down after shows now."

"Seriously?"

With a nod, Ellie's eyes scanned you as if she were searching. For what? You didn't know and neither did she, but yet she allowed her eyes to linger until she landed on your arm. "How's the tattoo healing?"

Your eyes pulled down to your arm, but not without feeling a lag in motion due to the weed in your system. The amount of at ease you felt was something you hadn't felt in years. You couldn't help but question why the fuck you stopped smoking in the first place, until you came back to that self love journey, bullshit, blah, blah, blah.

"Tattoo is good. The shading on it is soo beautiful”, you dragged along your words more than usual as you prepared for your last statement that would inevitably bring her up. "Your girl is good."

At the mention of her girlfriend, Ellie felt comfort in her smile. "Yeah, she's great”, she answered honestly.

You knew her words held double meanings-yes, Ellie's girlfriend was a great tattoo artists, but you knew her and Ellie were good for each other, at least from your view it seemed that way.

"You seeing anyone lately?"

The hairs on your arms began to raise at Ellie's question. It seemed that anytime relationships or partners, whether romantic or sexual, were brought up..it always felt awkward to you. But maybe that was because you were just being you, and Ellie was matured past the college relationship you and her shared.

Not that you weren't stuck on the relationship itself entirely. You were more so stuck on the feeling of being loved like that and loving that person in return just as much. You craved it, yet no one ever scratched that itch for you after Ellie.

"Nah..I'm good," you lied through your teeth, but Ellie saw right through your faux satisfaction.

"C'mon, it's been, what? A couples years since your last relationship?"

Ellie hadn't intentionally meant to strike that nerve when the words left her lips, yet she could tell she managed to do just that according to the look on your face.

"Fuck, 'm sorry. Didn't mean to bring that up..I forgot that your last relationship was us."

You felt the urge to spit in Ellie's face out of pure spite that was bubbling inside you even though you knew she meant zero malice with her words. Deep breaths consumed your chest as you repeated a mantra to yourself: You were the one who had the problem. Not her. You were the one who had the problem. Not her.

"Yeah...it's been awhile," You chose to ignore the subject as best you could, yet it felt so damn difficult when your last relationship was sitting right in front of you, looking beautiful as a joint hung from her lips.

Ellie breathed the smoke through her gritted teeth before snubbing the end of the joint on the brick that sat on the outside walls of the hotel just outside of the open window she was relaxed against.

"So you really don't want to see any one?"

"Can we talk about something else," you huffed out with aggravation, taking Ellie by surprise, making her eyes fill with sorrow.

"Sorry."

"Don't be...", you trailed off for a moment as you took another drink out of your water simply just to give yourself something to do that wasn't sitting in silence. "I'm just sick of people asking me about it,” you shrugged. “Sorry to get pissy with you."

Ellie nodded her head as silence built between the both of you.

The longer you both sat in silence, the higher and higher Ellie felt as her eyes began to alter her perception, her brain began to cloud her judgement, and her filter on her words grew thinner and thinner.

"Do you ever think about us?”, Ellie said with a head tilted backwards and her eyes staring up at the ceiling.

Meanwhile, your lips hesitated as they forgot how to move in time with your tongue. You were finding speaking to me exceptionally difficult when it was a question like that from a person who used to be your everything.

—-

Part 2 coming soon

[kairiscorner]

OMG IF YOU WANT PLS DO WRITE THE FIC ABOUT MIGUEL SEEING OUR THIRST TRAPS 😭 salamat talagaaaa wala na kasi akong maisip maliban kay miguel

HELLOOOOO, OFC I WILL ANON, I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS HEHE this is another excuse to make more text fics bc it's starting to feel fun for me LMAO <333

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

is it not for me? – miguel o'hara x reader (reacting to your thirst traps)

a/n: kind of suggestive shit underneath the cut, sorry if you don't like it, you have every right to scroll away ^^

after getting used to the controls and operations on social media and understanding the basic goal, or lack, of it–miguel had begun scrolling through his feed like you and lyla directed him to do. he scrolled and scrolled through the endless photos, videos, and posts sent his way by the very strange algorithm of the app. he still hadn't found the right thing for him on social media and he honestly wouldn't be here if you and lyla didn't force him to try it out so much, but when he least expected it... he happened upon your account.

he saw a photo of your back, it was you taking a selfie in the mirror with hardly anything covering your back. your behind was in full view but covered up, the lighting was dim, save for the flash of your phone's camera. the caption read: "for m, hoping you'll enjoy this three-course meal 🍓"

...that did something to miguel. it set some sort of feeling off of him, something that urged him to not just click like, but to comment right then and there: "who the shock is 'm'?" but if only he knew how to comment; all he knows how to do is click like and scroll.

he clicked the like button, unsure of how to feel about that very... eye-catching photo of yours. he tried shaking the feeling off, but he just couldn't; he couldn't stop thinking about it. he scrolled back up to see who else liked your photo, it took him a few tries to figure out how to do that. he also saw a few of the preview comments, complimenting your looks and tagging their friends who had 'm' in their names–joking that the photo was for them.

it pissed miguel off that these people could think your photos were for them, when you promised him you were all his. it damaged his ego slightly, but he figured these people were just douches, simple as that.

...but he needed to be doubly sure, so he click on your profile and looked through the posts you made. you really did love showing off your behind, it seemed like you were incredibly proud of it; miguel's totally in love with your ass, don't get him wrong, bur to know other people could see it and get to revisit the sight of your ass? oh, that made him feel a bit of a stinging pain in his chest.

he hated that feeling, where he felt like you were sharing intimate bits of yourself when you kept reminding and telling him you're all his. that, and as he scrolled through your comments, he saw a lot of people who not only loved your photos and sent you many compliments, but many who told you to get off the platform–many also catcalled you in the comments, too, much to his disgust.

"can't even keep this shit in real life, what losers." he muttered under his breath as he felt his anger rise as he kept scrolling through your comment section. he had gone through almost all of your posts, memorizing all the details of your posts and how you looked in them, feeling his face and chest flare up in a fit of heat as he looked through them all one by one. he sighed as he noticed you were a little too bold in these photos, in his opinion. he didn't want you to jeopardize yourself, seeing as how there were a lot of creeps on your account, he wanted to bring it to you attention.

hence, he messaged you all about his concerns.

"for... her mother?" miguel repeated to himself as he reread your message to him. he sighed, not believing your excuse one bit, believing you directed it to someone with an 'm' in their name, like him, but he decided to play along for now to get you to fess up eventually. that, and he doesn't think you'd wish your mom would have a lovely three-course meal with your ass picture, but he did see that you took pictures of food afterwards, so... it was plausible. but you were not off the hook yet.

he sighed as you laughed at his attempt at guessing who that post was for, who 'm' was. he felt a little embarrassed, a little ashamed he thought it was him, but then he thought of who would be closest to you, had 'm' in their name, and would enjoy the three-course meal that was... you already know what. he sighed as he typed and retyped his message after deleting the previous one, trying to get himself together after outing himself as being a little expectant that those thirst traps were for him.

he finally messaged you, trying to sound stern over text, but he was completely ignored by you when you sent him a selfie of your bottom half, with little letters on your bottom that read: "good????? bad????? should i get em....."

fuck, you baited him again.

he felt his cheeks grow hot and his breath hitch in his throat as he stared at your photo for a second, hoping you wouldn't post this, that this could remain as just a little thing between you two. but then again, he couldn't control you, so he'd just try to respond back–seeming unfazed. hopefully.

he was so easy to please sometimes.

moral of the story?

miguel loves your ass and wants to beat up the creeps in your comments section, while making it known to both you and the world that your ass is all for him–nobody else.

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @binibinileonara @fiannee @fictarian @yuridopted0 @arachnoia @meeom @ophanimgold @melovetitties @hisachuu @wreakingmarveloushavok @popeheywardssecretgf

[eisforeidolon]

The thing with doing 'so and so consumes x media' content? Is that you have to consistently bring something to the table that is more interesting to your audience than them just revisiting the media themselves. It can be something like BTS insider information, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that big of a something. Just enthusiasm and surprise as a new viewer can do it. In-depth media critique can do it. Snark can do it in the right circumstances (though that doesn't really apply with a podcast you're selling to fans). Etc.

I haven't and am not going to listen to the Now & Then podcast, but from the people who've talked about trying it that I've seen, I get the impression Rob & Rich don't really understand that. Or they mistakenly think that listening to two middle-aged dudes who appeared in a bare handful of episodes yammer at each other is in and of itself a draw. Uh, guys? Tuning in for you specifically as opposed to deciding to see you at a convention they're already at are very different things.

I feel like they tried to bill the podcast as being an insider take, but they themselves aren't insider enough to do that so they're intermittently hosting some guests from cast and crew who were. Except they fill time between the guests with them doing a first time react to the show. Which could work ... except it sounds like they're doing it badly. They don't actually seem to like the show, but are trying to sell it to SPN fans who are, you know, fans. They frequently miss or fail to understand major moments, themes, and plot points. In short, they fail to make it consistently entertaining to the general audience they were presumably trying to pull. So most of the fans that actually love the show and were tuning in hoping to enjoy them watching it as a way of revisiting it? Have tuned back out. Which leaves who to give them money for continuing to do it? Oh, right, the weirdos who would happily throw money at studio janitor #5 or random non-speaking extra #207 if they told them D/C was real and canon. R2 haven't 'seen D/C is real, OMG!'. They've seen that they can continue to make money off having been on SPN without even bothering to rewatch the show and pretend to enjoy it! All they have to do is go down a checklist of 'D/C moments' and hint they can see how shippers would be into it and hellers will happily throw money at them. They'd already lost most of the fans who tuned in hoping they actually had interesting things to say, so why not?

All that is dumb enough, but Insisting this means that if Jensen rewatched the show he would totally [understand D/C was canon/make it canon] is an impressive level up in absolute batshit stupidity. Jensen isn't some rando who was in a handful of scenes in 10-20 episodes across 15 seasons, only trying to pretend he cares about the show for money. No he hasn't watched the entire show back over, but he's read every script, talked to the writers and directors, and every fucking thing (bar a few flashbacks/de-agings) Dean Winchester ever did on screen did it through Jensen acting out what he saw as Dean's motivations. Despite their constant self-delusion on this point, the GA and most of the fandom did not watch the show and think there was any kind of romance between those two characters. So insisting Jensen himself would entirely change his mind on who Dean was and what he felt despite his prominent role in determining exactly those things by watching the show back as a whole?

It's the same old fixated obsession with their own fanfic and denial of rationality that has lead them to make these same stupid predictions queerbaiting themselves over and over and over and over and over and over and over and ...

[trashytoastboi]

I really love your writing! Some of my favorite headcannon are the reader scared of physical intimacy due to trauma, could you do those headcannons for Ace and Sabo please??

Heyya bean! I apologise for the very, very long wait >_< I've finally gotten around to writing things again, I'm thankful you enjoy my writing and hope you enjoy~

🍞 Headcanons: Kid, Killer x S/O who is afraid of physical intimacy due to past trauma

🍞 Headcanons: Zoro, Law, Marco, Katakuri x S/O who is afraid of physical intimacy due to past trauma.

Headcanons: Ace, Sabo x S/O Who is afraid of physical intimacy due to a past trauma.

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> (Gender Neutral) <

> Warning: Implied abuse/mention of panic attacks. This includes implied trauma due to something in the past, if you think it will be triggering for you please avoid this. It is written and intended to be a comfort piece, but first and foremost take care of yourself and mental wellbeing🍀 

Portgas D. Ace

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🔥 Ace has a very physical love style, he enjoys expressing himself through touch and affection. Though it makes the situation at hand all the more difficult, he would never complain or be upset about it. He understands, he truly does. Ace just doesn’t understand how else he can fully convey his love other than affection. He believes actions weigh more than words and even though he always tells {Name} just how much he loves them, it just never felt adequate. Ace never once desired to push {Name} beyond their limitations. 

🔥It was obvious there was aversion to touch and affection. {Name} had always kept people at arm's length, Ace was a little closer than most and he treasured the trust placed in him by his partner. Ace came to learn through their mannerisms and occasional openings in their guard about how they were uncomfortable with physical touch and the idea of being intimate. Ace held off on affection, unless he felt {Name} was having a good day, he moved slowly and always checked to truly make sure they were fine. If any minute reaction showed discomfort or fear, he would leave them be and comfort them when {Name} apologized for being this way. 

🔥Ace felt there were strides of progress, regarding his relationship with {Name}. They had gotten into a comfort zone of sorts, hand holding and the occasional hug was steadily becoming more frequent and comforting, sometimes it was even {Name} to be the one to initiate. Maybe due to the constant security and comfort Ace provided, {Name} felt safe enough to divulge their very painful past. The trauma that made them this way and how that trauma made even the most gentle of touch feel like fire and fear in one fatal combination. 

🔥{Name} dug deep to pull everything up and out. They thought they would be ready to discuss everything, it proved not to be the case. The revisitation of trauma set the panic deep in their bones, they choked up. The cold feeling began to run down their shoulders, down their back as the feeling faded from their hands and feet. The tears came out uncontrollably.  Ace panicked internally, he didn’t want to show it outright in case it made {Name’s} current state worse. He comforted them, speaking in a soft voice telling them it was alright not to face it right now, not until {Name} was ready. He informed them over and over again how {Name} never had to force themselves to do anything. 

🔥They sputtered never ending apologies on repeat, alternating between words of self blame and apologies to Ace. This had sent {Name} back into the worst possible mindset, thanks to how adamantly and patiently Ace listened, comforted them and gently hushed their apologies. He deemed the apologies unnecessary, after all there was no reason for {Name} to say sorry when they were never the ones in the wrong. Maybe it was that very warmth and comfort that helped them gain a grip, something that helped to steady their uneven and shallow breath, easing the pain in their chest. The world stopped spinning and they were calming down. 

🔥Ace inwardly blamed himself, the initial happenings he knew was not his fault. He just spiraled with the concept that maybe had he just not been so eager, or forthcoming and overwhelming with his advances then {Name} might not have felt so pressured to discuss this, or put themselves in a position to relive their worst trauma. {Name} never once actually thought like this, they felt so trusting of Ace that they wanted to tell him. Ace smiled on the surface, a soft and meek smile. One designed to comfort his partner without alluding to his true thoughts of guilt and self blame. 

🔥It took a lot of communication and understanding to see where both of them were. Trying to hold these fragmented talks while suffering in their own thoughts was only hurting them. {Name} took Ace’s comfort to heart, knowing they weren’t obligated nor were they ready to talk about things and that was okay. Ace communicated his own misunderstanding and insecurities, the talk was difficult but they found a middle ground. A comfortable place in which to meet each other emotionally, taking it one step at a time.

Sabo

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🎩 Sabo noticed the hesitation, it was not outright. Hidden, disguised as if {Name} didn’t want him to know. He loves them too much not to notice how they stiffened; the anxiety that passed through their eyes and contorted their expression into fear for an instant. The nervous stumbling of their words when Sabo pulled away in surprise worried about accidentally hurting them. Given his injuries, his scars that remained Sabo related their reaction to something similar. His body had healed, on the surface. The trauma remained and it took a long time without him having to flinch away, associating touch with treatment of his injuries and the grueling pain he had to live through during his recovery. Or how he hated his scars when they first started to settle, the uneven and rough skin under his fingertips. He learned to accept them, live with them and in time liked them as it was his proof of survival, he was still alive. Sabo likened it to a deep rooted trauma, he didn’t bring it up but his actions became more reserved in nature. 

🎩 Sometimes it can take the smallest thing to fall over the edge, Sabo’s more and rarer playful side came out when he and {Name} were sharing some banter, joking around and the like. Sabo playfully grabbed their wrist in the hopes of pulling them in for a kiss, but what ensued was nothing he expected. {Name} was fine one moment, the next it looked like their world shattered. He let go, panicking and asking what happened, did he grab too hard? {Name} shook their head, dismissing it with a strained smile. The cold sweat didn’t convince him when they showed so much fear. Sabo had noticed it a while ago. He gently broached the topic, not wanting the details but he needed to know. Sabo wanted to know how he could help. How he could protect them and prevent anything that could hurt them. 

🎩Nothing really could have prepared Sabo, for what {Name} entrusted to him. A very bleak and too upsetting for words recollection of the incidents that made them this way. Sabo felt angry, towards the people who hurt his partner, towards himself for not realizing some of his actions could have triggered them. Logically, he knew it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know of the situation and couldn’t change it. He felt sad seeing how heartbroken and frightened {Name} was. Not only from recalling the vivid and horrific memories but also from their fear that Sabo might perceive or treat them differently, in a bad way. They had been on the terrible side of listening to those who blamed {Name} for what happened in the past. {Name} grew to believe what was said, that it was their fault. 

🎩 Listening to how their words laced their own blame into it. “I shouldn’t have… they wouldn’t have.. I was the one…” Sabo only grew angrier towards the people, the vicious attitude they must have had upon saying those poisonous words to {Name}. Things that led to self doubt and blame. Sabo approached them, carefully enough to see if his touch and comfort would be welcomed. He could only hold them, swallowing his own anger. He pushed it aside, to whisper the words of validation they so desperately needed. Even the simple statement “It wasn’t your fault.” Brought tears to {Name’s} eyes, his voice resonates so deeply, unearthing all of those suppressed feelings that they held back. At this point all Sabo could offer is comfort and security, away from the memories. 

🎩 He tried to take their mind off of it. Trying to calm {Name} down and offer whatever reassurance he could. From the beginning he had been undemanding. {Name} never felt things in the way of obligation, they never felt forced to do anything. Sabo had created a safe space for them truly, one where they learned the hardships of healing but healing nevertheless. He helped and supported with what he could. Giving {Name} space when they needed it, giving them comfort and support when they wanted it. Sabo knew he could not change the past, nor what happened to his partner. But he could try to help them now and in the future. The past may have been full of hurt and terror, he tries, strives to make sure that the future will never be like that. Neither for him, nor {Name}. 

[cocogrrrl]

HIIIIIII ugh ur writings are so freakin good and so fun to read it makes me AHHHH could I request kyle, stan, and kenny (separate) with a f!reader that can’t control her facial expressions at all so she’s pretty much an open book? Maybe have the reader be an artist so when she’s drawing she’s like 🤩😙🙁😋🤨😱😐 THANK UUUUU

expressions

(headcannons + drabbles!) the main three's separate reaction to their artist gf who is very expressive whenever they draw (requested!)

main three (separate) x female!reader no cws wc: 1007 overall

an: omg its my first time writing in an hc listed format also the drabbles are a lot more artist gf than the expressive thing sorry huhuuu (also i forgot to reply to the ask last time i took up a request LMAO)

🍀 k. broflovski (wc: 330)

He really wants to comment on it, but doesn’t wanna bother you

I don’t mean that in a bad way! I just think that he finds it entertaining to see your mood and facial expressions shift around a lot

Like okay imagine you two parallel playing, both of you off in your own worlds

Kyle looks up at you to see you go from happy to frustrated to upset to shocked all in the span of a few seconds

He definitely finds it adorable and just basks in it by the side

Completely forgets what he was doing cause you’re just so gosh darn cute awwww

You were lying face down, arms holding you up, on his bed. You were tasked to make landscapes of any place but from different perspectives and views. To be honest, you were struggling a little bit. Backgrounds and scenery aren’t quite your strong points, but that didn’t mean you weren’t trying! You were lying down there, tongue poking out as you focused really hard to get the drawing looking at least a little bit realistically correct. You were real deep into it that you didn’t even realize Kyle was watching you until you heard a soft giggle in the back, which immediately made your head whip up. “Hmmm?” You hummed, questioning what he was laughing about. “Ah, it’s nothing.” He smiled at your curiosity. The look of amusement on his face was still there, so you had a hint of what was going on. “You’re just really pretty." You felt your cheeks heat up, giddily smiling to yourself as you felt your legs kicking back and forth in happiness. “Thank you…” You hummed. He only laughed more in return. “Don’t thank me.” He said, lifting your head up by the chin with his fingers as he placed a little kiss on your nose.

🍁 k. mccormick (wc: 360)

FINDS IT SO CUTE

but definitely teases you about it like

“You should take up acting, YN. You’re really good at changing emotions.”

Do you know how some people make facial expressions and random body movements for reference while drawing?

When he sees it for the first time, with no context whatsoever, he thought you got possessed or something CAUSE YOU WERE JUST FLAILING YOUR ARMS AROUND WHILE LOOKING INTENTLY AT THEM

I can just imagine him lying down, watching you drawing, while he’s kicking his feet in the air HEPL

You and your boyfriend, Kenny, were sat slumped against a wall in the back of some alleyway, spending your time together in the quiet where only sounds of passing cars, footsteps and chatter of pedestrians, and the soft winds blowing every now and then. You were getting into your drawings on your little sketchbook, moving from one doodle to the other and leaving many unfinished. Every couple of minutes, you’d revisit the other, but that was only if you were still up to it. Other than that, you had new ideas pulling you away from your drawings every other second. Kenny was playing with the hair that fell by the side of your face as you were doing your own business—twirling, braiding, and unfurling it over and over again. You stretched out your hand and formed it in a reached-out, grabbing motion, shifting it every so often to get a better view of what it looked like. Kenny watched you observing yourself in intrigue as well, resting his chin on your shoulder. As soon as you were done and about to get back to drawing, he lifted himself back up and started to play with your hair once more. While you were drawing out the hand same hand you motioned earlier, you felt a soft kiss on your cheek, which caught you off guard. You turned your head in Kenny's direction, giving him a look that asked, ‘Why?’ Not in a bad way, just out of curiosity. He shrugged in return, cupping your face in one hand with his fingers resting on both cheeks as he squeezed them. “Cutie.”

🎸 s. marsh (wc: 317)

He doesn’t pay much mind to it honestly

He sees it for the first time and thinks it’s kinda silly, but not much after that

He brings it up sometimes though like

“Oh, yeah, I think it’s funny how you’re really expressive.”

But really its not something that bothers him

If anything, he finds it really adorable sometimes, especially when you get a little too into the zone and you’re just changing expressions every millisecond

Honestly, I think it’s a neat little dynamic since you’re probably really bubbly while Stan’s more aloof

You and Stan were in your favorite corner of the world—Stark’s Pond. Okay, technically, it’s one of the farthest things from a corner, given that it’s a whole landscape, but it was a special place unbeknownst to many, especially people who aren’t from the small town of South Park. You two were sat on a bench by the pond, Stan playing the guitar cross-legged, and you were leaning towards it while drawing on your tablet. You hummed along with the songs he was playing, familiar to you as it was your relationship’s self-declared theme song. Your face was twisted in a pout, trying to get a small detail, but important (to you), correct. You clicked your tongue, flipping your canvas every so often to make sure it looked right or physically possible. You sighed, resting your body weight on Stan as he paused to look at you and your art’s progress. “Frustrated?” He hummed, putting his arm down so that it was more comfortable for you to lean onto him. “No,” you clicked your tongue. “Just need to get around this little part. Like, I can’t  draw feet for the life of me.” You sighed, tipping your head a little further as you ground into Stan's shoulder. He found himself giggling at you, patting your back, and giving you a little kiss on the cheek.

[angelbaby-fics]

Chosen Family

Pairing: CG!Ransom x Little!Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Mean family members and a canon referencing curse word!

A/N: Ahh the Ransom feels continue.... I saw Glass Onion recently and I absolutely loved it, but it sure made me miss Chris 😅 so of course I've been revisiting Knives Out now 💕 This is kind of based on a true story with my own family, only I wish I had protective Ransom to come rescue me 🥺😣 so even if that didn't happen in real life, I can just write it instead 💕💕 enjoy!!

The tires of Ransom’s car threw gravel across the driveway as he peeled in, coming to a stop directly in front of the house. He didn’t want to be here a second longer than absolutely necessary, and this was the easiest way for a quick getaway. You’d fallen asleep in the backseat on the drive over, the rain on the windows and the winding forest roads lulling you to dreamland. Ransom grabbed your backpack out of the passenger seat and got out of the car. He circled around to your door and opened it, noticing you wince as you felt a blast of cold outdoor air enter the heated car. He undid your seatbelt and lifted you out of the car and into his arms, while you buried your head in his sweater clad shoulder, desperately clinging onto your nap.

“I know, I know, doll. We just have to make an appearance and then we can go home and cuddle by the fire, you like that?” Ransom said softly in your ear, petting your head against his chest. “You wanna walk by yourself, baby?”

“Mmm…” You mumbled, which Ransom knew meant no. You’d been more little this week, more often. The dreary weather and stress of the holiday season, the fact that the sun was gone by 4pm, all this had you falling deeper and deeper into headspace as winter settled over Massachusetts. Not that Ransom minded at all, but you’d never been so little at one of his family’s big gatherings, and he was anxious to see how this day would play out. 

“Aww, come on, baby, I know you can do it.” He said, attempting to lower you to the ground, but your legs latched around his torso. Just then, Harlan’s dogs came bolting from across the yard. Ransom backed up against the car, trying to shoo the dogs away, not wanting to get dirty paw prints and slobber on his clothes. They growled at him, sensing his rigid energy, before you unclenched your fist from Ransom’s sweater and reached a little hand down to give the nearest pup a pat on the head.“Hello good doggy.” You said quietly with a smile, wriggling out of Ransom’s grasp to better play with the dogs. 

“So you won’t walk for daddy, but you will for a doggy, huh?” Ransom laughed, patting your head as your affection subdued the dogs. They happily trotted alongside you as you approached the big house, and Ransom grabbed your hand, giving it a squeeze before you walked in. “Well, nice of you to finally join us.” A scathing voice floated through the foyer. 

You shifted behind Ransom, slightly shielding yourself from the judgment of his family. You knew they didn’t like him, and by extension, that meant they didn’t like you. Usually you were big enough to hold your own against them, or to stay home alone when you weren’t feeling up to it, but you’d been inseparable from Ransom lately, and when you were still regressed the day of the Thrombey’s annual holiday dinner, he brainstormed all the ways to get you through the event with as little incident as possible. That’s when Ransom shrugged your backpack off his shoulder and handed it to you.“Here you go, angel,” he whispered, “go run upstairs and play with your toys until it's time to go, alright?”

You nodded, taking the bag and running up the staircase to an empty room where you knew you wouldn’t be disturbed, leaving Ransom to face the brunt of his family on his own. As much as he hated having to spend an afternoon with them, he’d do it a million afternoons if it meant you could be spared. 

You dumped the contents of your backpack onto the rug, scanning your eyes over them before reaching for your iPad. You didn’t get much screentime when you were little, Ransom preferring to have you spend quality time with him, so you were delighted to see he’d packed your tablet for you, allowing for a rare opportunity to rot your brain on mobile apps all afternoon. Your favorite game was still on the loading screen when you heard a voice carry out in the hallway. 

“So bizarre… like his little pet.” You heard someone say.

“Honestly, if I were Ransom I’d be so annoyed.” Another one chimed in.

And you felt it. The words hit your core like a bomb, wiping out any bit of confidence and joy you had in your headspace. You knew they probably talked about you and your relationship with Ransom, your big self knew that kind of gossip was inevitable, but you’d never heard it for yourself, especially in such a sensitive state. The words cut through you like icicles, freezing your blood and your body in place.

Annoying. 

Bizarre. 

Little pet.

Was this true? Were you annoying to Ransom, following him around everywhere, relentlessly clinging to his side? Was that why he’d sent you up here all by yourself, to get rid of you for at least an afternoon of relief? The faces of the colorful characters on your favorite app blurred through your tears as these thoughts swirled around your head. You wished you’d never heard them at all. 

Someone else had heard them too.

Ransom had been stomping his way up the steps, already wanting to leave the gathering after just a few agonizing minutes with his mother, when he heard his cousin’s voice from a nearby room, and then his name. He heard the nasty things they said about you and prayed to anyone listening that you weren’t within earshot. As soon as he found you, still sitting frozen on the carpet with tears streaming down your face, he knew that prayer hadn’t been heard. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Ransom muttered, coming towards you with open arms, but you pushed him away. “No, it's okay, I just want to go home.” You whispered, shoving all your belongings back into your backpack.

“Absolutely, honey, I was just about to say the same thing.” Ransom replied, taking the backpack from you and slinging it over his shoulder. “I could’ve carried that.” You spat, hurrying past him out the door and down the hallway towards the stairs. Ransom sped up to match your stride, wanting more than anything else in the world to get both you and him out of that house as soon as possible. You pushed open the front door, Ransom yelling an emotionless “goodbye” to the rest of the family before slamming it behind him. He reached towards the back seat door to open it for you, but you were already getting settled in the front, pulling your seatbelt across your chest. Ransom got in the driver’s seat, zooming out of the driveway just as hastily as he’d arrived. The two of you remained silent throughout the journey home. You stared out the window with a head full of overwhelming thoughts until finally they got too much and spilled out.

“Am I annoying?” You whispered as the Beemer pulled into yours and Ransom’s driveway.

“Not in a million years, angel.” Ransom answered, confidently and quickly, with all his heart.

“But I heard Joni say… I’m like a pet. And Meg said you’re annoyed by it. Your family hates me.”

“Baby ignore them. They’re idiots and they can all eat shit.” He said with a grin that he hoped you’d return, but once again he was out of luck.

“But… but they’re your family!” You sniffled, finally turning to look at him. . “Not anymore, not after tonight. I don’t associate with people who can’t respect my little angel. You’re the only family I need, babydoll.”

The tiniest hint of a smile ghosted your face when you heard your favorite pet name. Ransom hooked a finger under your chin, lifting your face slightly so he could see it better, and gave you a soft, sweet kiss on your lips. “You are too, daddy.”

“There’s my baby. Now to make up for today, I think someone deserves lots and lots of cuddles!”

[esther-dot]

I feel very conflicted and I know I’ll get hate if I post this on my blog but I just want feedback. I loved D for years after watching the show until season 8 came out and I felt betrayed. I thought it was out of character. I wanted happy romantic J x D. I saw myself in D. I’ve read the books at long last over the past year and I know I have confirmation bias. I love Sansa too. And I see myself in her as well. Deep down I know that I am far more like book!Sansa than I am like the character D really is and that the D in my head is not truly who the character is. I want to love Jonsa. I think that could be such a happy end for Sansa and I want to want that (that being specifically Jonsa; of course I want a happy end for her). But I don’t know how to shake my attachment to D and the character I want her to be. I can’t let go and stop projecting despite consciously being aware that she is not truly very much like me at all. I think perhaps because Sansa’s arc has not yet had as much direct payoff. She has not yet been able to claim power in the way D has and I think thus identifying myself with her may cast a light on uncomfortable feelings of helplessness within myself. But I’m not really sure. All I know is that logically I wish for Sansa to be my favorite and I want to love Jonsa instead of JxD and I know Sansa is quite a bit like me but I just can’t seem to embrace that. I’m not sure if I am looking for any sort of advice or wisdom or perhaps just wanting to put my thoughts out there. I’m curious about anything at all that you might have to say

I have my opinions and preferences, but there’s a difference between emotionally connecting and intellectually engaging. I’ve read loads of classic novels because I want to know what they say, why they matter, but I often fail to find them personally meaningful. That’s simply due to life experience which is why certain things resonate with me or don’t. I’ve found, none of us read the same novel, even if we agree on certain aspects or characters, there’s always something else that hits us differently. That’s not an indictment or vindication of a person because I’ve revisited books years later and my response is wildly different.

The book didn’t change, life changed me so I read it differently this time around. That's a good thing to bear in mind when we're talking about the same series for years on end, there's room for us to evolve our stances because we're changing. I leave room for that with others, I permit myself the same understanding. I hope you do that for yourself too!

Also, my sensibilities aren’t Martin’s, so even if I make arguments about why a certain thing shouldn’t/should happen, I know it still might or might not. Jon and Dany isn’t a universally accepted pairing for no reason. And even though most of what I say about Dany I tag with “anti,” that’s just because I want people to be able to avoid it if they’d like. I don’t hate her, I have a lot of sympathy for her. I think her story is full of tragedy, so I don’t think there’s anything weird about reading the books and your heart going out to her. Many, many fans identify with her, some because they too are abuse survivors. That’s why a lot of fans connected so deeply with show Sansa as well. I was frustrated before the GoT finale because the people who argued with us about Dany were actively defending her burning people alive and denying where her story was going, but after GoT ended, I went into the Dany tag and saw a few posts by more normal fans who simply loved a girl who had inspired them and helped them in their own struggles, so I understand who she is to people even if she isn’t that to me.

I loved D for years after watching the show until season 8 came out and I felt betrayed.

This was a pretty universal sentiment, and I felt betrayed too (although for different reasons, coming from a completely different direction), so I sympathize.

Deep down I know that I am far more like book!Sansa than I am like the character D really is and that the D in my head is not truly who the character is.

I think the “problem” (not really a problem, but we’ll call it that) is that Martin wants his characters to be more than one thing. I’ve said in the past, he has quite an expansive view of what one person can encompass which means, I look at, let’s say, the Hound quite differently than many in the fandom. Every bad thing I have ever said about him is true, but there are good things about him that are true too, and Martin wants both to coexist. That’s true for Tyrion (another villain), Jaime, Theon….it’s true for Dany too. She’s even more enmeshed with good things, as more good desires, than those guys, so it’s easy to let it eclipse everything else. I’ve pointed out before that with Dany, it’s always a one-two. She “saves” people, then we discover it wasn’t salvation at all. You have to be open to questioning her to realize that though.

The way the show framed her, a lot of people saw themselves or who they wanted to be in Dany, and even now, I’ll hear people occasionally compare themselves to Dany in a positive way, because for years, she was a #girlboss. We might have a lot of skepticism around that idea now, realizing it was to hide what her story actually was, but it resonated because, who wouldn’t want to be capable of fighting injustice? Of walking into a situation and taking control of it and rectifying wrongs? The problem is, in the books, we’re presented with the reality that her methods aren’t improving things, and in the show, they mute that as much as possible. When the author is trying to show the devastation of war and the showrunners opted to glorify it, the audience is gonna have a reaction that’s no longer compatible with the original intent. For instance, Arya killing all the Freys. That’s presented as a bad ass moment, that’s their view, so why would a fan realize, “but over here vengeance / unnecessary bloodshed is bad.” It’s careless storytelling, but D&D were also dishonest too. They included certain moments to justify the ending, but undermined it so fans wouldn't track it, rewrote characters to make them obsequious to Dany. And then they drowned it all in bs interviews / commentary, loads and loads of hype and marketing....they twisted it completely out of any discernible shape. Confusion is an understandable response to such contradictory nonsense. People I'm a fan of made sense of it, predicted it, but I do think y'all were lied to by the showrunners which annoys me to no end.

But I don’t know how to shake my attachment to D and the character I want her to be.

That's love though. I've experienced this so often in real life, wanting good for someone I care about, desperately wanting them to see the self-destructive patterns they have, and not being able to get them to change anything and learning to either accept where they are/who they are, or learning, I can't accept it and ending the relationship because it wasn't healthy for me to be involved. Martin loves his villains, Tyrion is his fav, he wants you to care, that's where he'll get the tragedy in Dany's ending rather than it simply being a clear cut good vs evil ending. I think he wants us to have sympathy on both sides of the coming struggle, and to have fans see the heroic path Dany could have and watch her fail to follow it and walk down a path she didn't have to choose...it's gonna make it heart-wrenching rather than cliche. I think you may be almost just where Martin wants you.

I think perhaps because Sansa’s arc has not yet had as much direct payoff. She has not yet been able to claim power in the way D has and I think thus identifying myself with her may cast a light on uncomfortable feelings of helplessness within myself. But I’m not really sure.

Obviously, I don't know you, but from what I've seen people write about Sansa, I do think her relative powerlessness is a major detractor for fans. For some it makes her boring, for others, they despise her because they're so frustrated by her not doing something. But it's a dose of reality in this fantasy world to have a character constrained by her situation and her life dictated by her gender. I'd argue that Sansa is a more impressive character for the mercy and bravery she shows even thought she is a captive herself, but I understand that's not as thrilling as other characters' stories.

I want to love Jonsa instead of JxD

Sansa has had a few crushes which are fairly...I’ll say, detached from reality. She connects to the characters emotionally by imagining them as romantic figures, less a tangible knowing and loving the individual. It’s all very daydreamy, but mainly, she's been the object of desire for creeps. So, while I disagree with them, there is a part of me that understands why fans aren't looking for her to have an actual romance because the way it has existed in her story thus far isn't tangible for her or rewarding, and of course, there's her age. Dany on the other hand, as young as she was when this story began, has had sexual partners she loves. We say Drogo was an abusive POS, we know Daario doesn't truly care for her, so I understand, with one part of my mind, that fans are looking for her to have a mutual, sexual relationship. If you love Dany, a healthy sexual relationship feels more pressing than one for Sansa, due to past experiences. It feels more appropriate due to her age as well. So, I understand why one can have hooks for you as a fan that the next doesn't. It’s always good to remember though, while we connect to these characters as if they’re people, the author is using them to discuss ideas, and they will experience, or not experience, certain things as a result.

I feel very conflicted and I know I’ll get hate if I post this on my blog but I just want feedback.

I'd like to tell you that isn't the case, but it's probably true. I still get rude messages because I'm a Sansa fan/Jonsa, and I can't imagine a situation like yours, loving both characters and being open to Jonsa but shipping J/D, would allow you to be fully comfortable anywhere. I can't assure you that my corner of the fandom will treat you with the utmost understanding either, so I'm glad you reached out this way and felt safe coming into my inbox. I find talking about things is helpful. There isn't always an answer, but it makes me feel better, so I'm happy to read your thoughts on this even if I can't offer any advice, in the hopes it makes you feel better too. 💗

[wardingshout]

your ALTTP drawings are so cool <3333 and your artstyle looks awesome!

What are 3 things that inspire you to draw?

thank you so much I'm so excited to hear people like them !!! ;v; I have sooo many things I want to draw that are super challenging for me right but I hope I can get to do all of them at some point !!!!

I feel like it's almost hard to narrow smth down to 3 things bc So many things inspire me to draw ! (my struggle is more so in motivation and energy department I guess)

I ended up typing a lot bc I got excited but I think these 3 are my biggest ones !

1) Nostalgia! especially when felt from environments around me or in little random moments! I always end up with a bunch of random photos of like environments or buildings or the clouds on my phone bc I felt a certain way in a certain moment and while my memory is pretty bad, snapping that photo usually helps me revisit that moment even if it may have been on some random day! and while not rly related to feeling there's also always smth fun to see around like the shape of a tree or the way shadows fall or colours ! maybe it's more about general vibes than nostalgia hmm...

I definitely don't draw environments as often as I'd like to and even when I do I haven't posted much but even so it's smth that fills me with a want to draw! to try and also bring out that kind of nostalgia or warmth !

I want to do more edgy dramatic stuff too but trying to make warm feelings has too strong a grip on me haha

2) Video games a lot a lot !! and other media too!! I absolutely love creating fanworks, I'm just a nerd and I want to share and show my love for stuff !!

video games are especially fun bc I already get to spend my time in x world and depending on what game it is that either means being bombarded with interesting visuals, fun little moments to recreate or for visually "simpler" games you get to imagine it in a 3d space all on your own and I love that ! like right now of course I'm losing my mind over alttp but in the past, games like Yume Nikki (and fangames), older pokemon games and Star Stealing Prince have had this exact effect on me too !

for a little add on I wanna say I used to worry a lot about accuracy and it could make fanworks pretty intimidating but one of my friends (shoutout to Cai) said smth earlier this year that I cannot for the life of me remember right now But it completely changed my mindset to instead be like. it's more important to make up my own interpretation of stuff rather than make sure everyone agrees it's accurate right? I can't even remember it right now but it completely changed the way I played games since like Bloodborne and Zeldas bc rather than worry about getting things instantly Right in my brain I would discover little lore pieces at my own time and instead try to put stuff together in my own way and idk games have been infinitely more fun since And it's inspiration machine to me !!

3) and most of all other people's art !!!! I could spend days browsing the internet just looking at all the amazing things people make and it's so contagious to me ! even if I couldn't ever create the kinds of things I enjoy seeing myself I can't help but feel so inspired and motivated to create something too no matter how it ends up!

creating an inspiration folder for myself that's full of just Anything like environments and character art and photos and colour schemes has been on of the best things I've done for myself! I rarely look at other stuff When I draw (for worse imo, like I rly need to get better at referencing) but if I ever feel stuck I can look through that and almost instantly find smth that kicks me in gear ! sometimes I see art and it's amazing and impressive and sometimes I see it and just think "man that looks like it was so Fun I want to have fun too!" and both work perfectly for me! :D

anyway uuuuh take pictures of nice things and save cool stuff there's always smth to be inspired by in little things! here's a little collection of random photos of my own from the past year that make me happy and also go !!!!!! (not a lot of city stuff tho bc usually ppl are on those )

I ended up going through my camera roll and it was so hard to pick stuff bc everything made me go !!! ocean and buildings are the big themes tho only one shows here haha

[hazelnut-u-out]

Hello mutual! For the writing thing: 🥺, ✨, 🎶,  👀 and/or 🤲, 🧠 for Rick, and if there’s anything you particularly want to answer that you haven’t been asked then that too if you want to?

thank you for sending in an ask!! <33

i just saw your reply to mine, hehe. answers under the cut!

🥺Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

hmmm... this one is kind of difficult to answer because, yes, but it's difficult to pick just one lol. if i had to pick one that makes me the most emotional, it'd probably be a tossup between young rick being any sort of paternal/doting to baby beth or any kind of moment where morty shows how sweet and pure his intentions are when everyone he puts himself on the line for is so undeserving.

also, rick crying or morty getting angry enough to just tear into someone. it's kind of their respective, "something is really wrong here."

✨Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it.

thank you, hehe. i'm my own worst critic, but i feel like i can make anything angsty and painful if you want me to. i also think i'm pretty good at painting visual details with words??

🎶Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

i have a hard time listening to music while i read or write because i get overstimulated SUPER easily lol. i do base a lot of my fics off of songs, though!

one i keep coming back to for rick is "storms" by fleetwood mac:

"did i ever really care that much? is there anything left to say?

every hour of fear i spend, my body tries to cry

living through each empty night

a deadly calm inside

i haven't felt this way i feel since many a year ago"

one that always makes me think of morty is "ghost on" by angel olsen:

"when should i believe the things you say?

you change your mind from day to day

and i don't know if you can take such a good thing coming to you

and i don't know if you can love someone stronger than you're used to"

i also have plenty i revisit for birdrick stuff.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

i'm working on a couple of multi-chapter concepts atm! i've been rereading the original "the adventures and memoirs of sherlock holmes" rn to work on my rick and morty x holmes and watson au!

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

some morty dialogue from an upcoming angst fic between the boy and his mad scientist grandpa:

"What, Rick? Woul- Would that make for a better story? W-Would it make me a more developed character? Or maybe a different answer would make you feel better! I-I'm so sorry! D-Did you have a different character arc in mind? One that would make you feel better about the character you've wr-written me to be? Would it be easier for you to forgive me if there was a-a-a reason that I did what I did? Would it tie up loose ends if -(redacted for spoilers)-? Give you closure? W-Well... 'tough luck, buddy.'"

also, just for you, a birdrick snippet from a revenge-era space cowboy multi-chapter wip:

The young man was unfurled below his companion like a blanket beneath the stars, and they studied one another like a loner’s wide eyes would peruse the cosmos sprawled out above them- Rick's quivering fingers and lips taking note of constellations divinely created for nothing more than his sinful touch along the way.

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. (Rick)

i have so many silly headcanons about rick. my favorite is probably that he doesn't let morty get adult meals when they go through drive thru's. he has to get the kid's meal, but rick demands he give him the toy.

[thegiandiediaries]

On School & Homeschooling

Two posts in one day?! Wow!

Since my last post was extremely long I decided to do a separate post discussing where I'm at with schooling. If you're interested in learning about where I'm at with Ballet, I would recommend reading "Holiday Bootcamp".

Over the summer I took two classes, Physics I (Calculus based) and Calculus I. For context, I had already taken both of those classes previously at a different college through an online program. I got a D in Physics previously but was "passed" with a C by my teacher. And in calculus, I got a B but definitely with the help of Symbolab, Mathway, and the likes at times when I shouldn't have used them.

I knew that if I was as serious about studying Physics as I felt, I would need to revisit those topics because I didn't truly pass either of them. So, I decided to take them at my current college during the summer since it would go faster and I already was somewhat familiar with the topics. How did I do? I got a D in Calculus and a B in Physics. Yeah...

At first, I chalked it up to the fact that I was taking these two demanding classes while also working two part-time jobs and trying to juggle ballet and cello classes as well as a randomly (and unexpectedly) active social life.

I wrote it off and moved on. For the Fall, I registered for Physics II, College Algebra, Pre-Calculus, and Gateway to Physics (a Physics elective). I chose to take Algebra and Pre-calc because even though I mentally wrote off my grades, I still felt like something was missing in my knowledge and that if I could just figure out what it was, I could stop struggling so much.

By the midpoint of the semester, I was so far behind in the work and they assigned so much of it, I couldn't keep up! A deeper issue was exposed. I watched a youtube video by this YouTuber named Amy and she spoke about being seen as smart and good at math (took AP Calc BC in 10th grade, was Valedictorian, went to Caltech) and mentioned having had a tutor for a good part of K12. For some reason this was mind blowing and eye opening. I knew, conceptually, that tutors weren't just for little kids and those who struggled with a particular subject but this provided proof, I guess.

That same day, I went out and found some tutors to try. I ended up working with this woman named Sofia. She was a kind Brazilian who I zoomed with for 2 months and she opened my eyes to a few key things:

I'm not college ready in math

How to actually study math

She never said to me "You're at an x grade level" or anything of the sort, but she assessed my knowledge level after working with me on some of my algebra and pre-calculus assignments and based off the starting point, it was definitely pre-college level. Which is okay and made total sense when I stopped and actually thought about it. My struggles in math started long before I ever set foot on a college campus, so it makes sense that my level of understanding is back at that point.

After realizing this, I looked at the mountain of schoolwork piling up in those two classes and decided to withdraw. I asked her before hand if she thought it was a good idea and would be willing to teach me what I needed to know. She agreed and up until a few days ago we met 2-3 times a week consistently. She's on a break for the next month and while she's doing that, I am utilizing the 2nd key thing I learned from her: how to actually study math.

The secret? Do it, don't just read about it. Coming from someone who spent every spare minute as a kid nose deep in a book, I am used to reading something and gaining understanding from that. But math and science? That is not how it works and I think this core idea is something that has tripped me up for so long. That and the fact that while my mathematical skills stayed rather stagnant, the work I was receiving didn't and so anytime I tried to solve problems I was so out of my depth, I would turn to the textbook to read about how to solve them but still lack the foundational skills necessary to carry out problem solving independently. This cycle I was unknowingly in kept me busy and working hard, but I was like a hamster on a wheel. I wasn't making any real or tangible progress but I was burning a lot of energy.

"Doing it" is as simple as watching a youtube video (such as Professor Leonard's) and listening as they explain how (and why) to do something, then following along and solving the problems given. Sofia always asked me to pause the video and solve it first, then play and watch them walk through how to solve it. Another thing is to check your answers immediately after solving a problem. She would assign a worksheet on a topic she explained during our session and then I would need to solve them, check my answer, if I was right do the next problem and if I was wrong, work out why, redo the problem and then move on making sure to integrate that understanding I just gained into how I approached future problems.

It's surprisingly that simple! The important bits are being consistent with doing it, understanding what you're doing and why (textbook and youtube can help if you don't have a tutor), and starting at your current knowledge level.

Another thing Sofia helped me realize is that I was missing a math pre-requisite in Physics II and should work on getting taken out of the class. I did and it was a long and stressful process, but ultimately the Registrar's office removed me from the class!

Now, I'm just taking my Physics elective, but I looked at my graduation plan and I'm still on track to graduate in 2026, so long as I do what I need to do with my self studying and am prepared to resume major classes in the Summer (2024).

Which means that I have a lot to learn. My skill level is currently in between beginner and intermediate algebra. I was super embarrassed about it at first, but now I'm just excited. I know what the problem is! I feel like I could shout it from the rooftops! I was getting very discouraged in my math/physics study but trying my best to smile and keep pushing. But discovering this has lifted a mental load off. I'm not the problem. It's not that I'm not capable, it's that I'm not ready. And that's okay. I can get ready!

So, how am I getting ready? By homeschooling myself! At first, I was definitely like "I can't homeschool myself! I'm not 15 anymore!" but then I thought about it and decided I could lol. I make the rules. And I've ruled that I will homeschool myself for the next ~8 months. My plan is to work through Chapters 1-3 of Swokowski and Cole's Algebra and Trigonometry with Analytic Geometry as well as Professor Leonard's Intermediate Algebra course in November & December. I bought a book called Schaum's Outline of Basic Mathematics with Applications to Science and Technology which I am going to use to do additional practice problems in (outside of the textbook and videos). In Physics, I bought a high school algebra-based physics textbook called Cutnell & Johnson Physics (5 ed). My goal is to work through the first few chapters (between 3 and 7 chapters) of this text. I also plan on going through Dan Fullerton's videos in conjunction!

I was homeschooled for some of middle and high school and I definitely miss it. I have busy days ahead, but I'm super excited!

Bye for now!

Gia

[benefits1986]

Carpenters PL Revisited x Mother Dragon's Hello, Love, Au Revoir

Bakit kasi nag-stick 'yung mga super basic phrases in French from grade school? Ayan tuloy. Ang aga-aga na naman.

Went to restock my pantry with healthier options because though I don't like to admit it, the virus is still in my system. I was legit tired even when I just filled a cart. Or is it the universe telling me to compartmentalize my work and life, before I indulge in workaholism dressed to the nines? I'm on the cusp, to be honest. It looks more than gold, it's like titanium encrusted with diamonds. Or is it time to put my work ultra-smart hat mode on so we'd have a character development? Sinabi ng I won't think about work in this WL e. Sinabi ng tigilan muna e kasi kahit anong work naman hindi mauubos, laging may kulang, laging may sobra. I don't know if it's just me, but I can still feel mother dragon's presence. Perhaps it's her version of Are You Afraid of the Dark: Magandang Gabi Bayan x KJMS. And this morning, I revisited her go-to PL which is The Carpenters. I used to abhor this group because they're not as popping as her other vibes --Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Madonna and The Beatles.

She loved Karen Carpenter and was devastated to know that she lost her anorexia battle. She watched me carefully during the time when bulimia and anorexia looked cool. She reassured me that being big-boned and plus size is NEVER a liability. My stretch marks are my tigress stripes. My ample hips, thighs and legs are part of my being and doing.

She taught me to embrace my flaws, like my dyslexia. She never believed that I am a slow reader. LOL. She felt that my poor grammar skills can be neutralized by writing and speaking. JUSQ. While I usually get a line of 9 in English, the truth is, I struggled so badly with every timed Phoenix comprehension worksheets. While I misread, mispronounce and misspell a lot, mom felt that I am but making an alibi. She branded me as careless and distracted easily. LOLOLOLLOLL. Mother dragon for three, always! She told me to that while I keep skipping lines when I read out loud, I can use my pointer finger to guide my handicap. Of course, she used verbatim that's too graphic, it's traumatic, because her Tagalog is tumatagos hindi lang sa buto pati sa kaibuturan aka verbal abuse minus the cursing; because she is a classy bitch looking after her kanal daughter.

Reading out loud was always an internal shit show until she instructed me to join declamation contests in English and Filipino. Later on, she egged me to give extemporaneous speeches and debates their precious chances. The struggle escalated because I can barely organize my thoughts, but she told me: It's not about winning. It's about how you play the game AND what you learn from it. She was RBF when I bring home a few medals during my years in school. You see, I am so poor in Math. I guess, the science and history subjects actually keep me up and giddy. However, mom said, that of course, science and history make sense because they're part of the obvious world. LOL. Hindi po talaga siya nagpapatalo. She's poor in math herself so, she can't teach me a lot. We can't afford a math tutor and my grades won't make it to remedial classes, as they're barely hanging.

In mother dragon speak, barely hanging grades meant anything that's lower than 89. May sarili siyang grading system sa utak niya. :D Though I had a few merit cards and was generally part of the Top 10, I was never an honor student. She didn't push for the top of the batch, but she has her own way of grading me. Because I am generally moody, whenever there's something off about my conduct and homeroom grades, mhie, mas lagot ako sa kanya. She has this belief that while grades matter, it's the decorum that goes with it that matters most. Hindi ko na alam saan ako lulugar because I noticed that most of the high achievers in my hood have a seeming social withdrawal and may come off as outlandish and worse, anti-social or socially awkward.

I remember asking her one time if I could try out for the swimming team because the coach is Eric Buhain. Also, I wanted a Speedo duffel bag, too! Iba 'yung feeling 'pag nasa diving board tapos nakakasabay ako in my thicc frame and lampa sa larangan ng sports. Also, I love the water. Iba 'yung effect niya sa akin. Nakakalma ako kahit overthinking pa rin ako. Most importantly, 'pag nasa swimming ako, wala akong ibang iniisip kung 'di 'yung hindi ako lumubog and makatawid sa other end ng pool. The Olympic size pool is like my ice skating rink. Though punggok ako, may advantage naman since bouyant ako saka generally, I can take a deep, deep breath and hold it kahit malimit akong may URTI growing up. The tanned and lean build is just sooooo appealing to me. I can imagine that my shoulders will be broader and my clavicles would pop. I can also shape my wide hips and thicccc thighs and legs. She told me to forget it even when I excel in swimming. She told me that I won't be getting a Speedo duffel bag, swimsuit and swimming cap because we can't afford the expenses that go with it. Ayaw daw niya akong maging kawawa and that while co-curricular activities are good, these don't fit my schedule especially when my brother is still recovering from meningitis. And knowing me daw, for sure, mapapabayaan ko 'yung school stuff because swimming makes me forget the world. Baka raw malihis pa ako ng landas. Syempre, I was beyond heartbroken when I heard this. Sabi ko, okay, wala ng Speedo. I can go with department store stuff (our suking Landmark or SM) and that I won't forget my duties as a forced dutiful ate to my brother. I even told her that I'd do better in math. HAHAHAHAHA. Lahat na po nilagay natin sa table pero, mother dragon put her claws down. She breathed fire to the pawn me. Ashes. Ashes everywhere. Super sama talaga ng loob ko sa kanya noon. She told me that since my skin usually gets fucked when I swim in a pool of chlorine, I might just end up more fucked. She didn't use the word "fucked" ha. That's me hearing what she meant lang talaga. HUHUHUHUHU. I honestly felt like I was treated unfairly even borderline inhumane. At a tender age, I felt like mother dragon wanted to force things in my system instead of allowing me to blossom through adversity. Aywaw. Naisip ko talaga 'yun because we always fight, fight, fight. Siya naman laging nagso-sorry kahit ako mali, as our Taurus-Cancer game is always up and running.

Para kaming may scoreboard kung sinong nananlo at natalo. She told me that she doesn't care about that scoreboard because para daw sa kapakanan ko 'yun. LUL. 'Yan na naman siya. Akala mo alam lahat. E siya nga, ending is housewife when she could have been a legit career woman on her way to the top of her game. :p Bawing-bawi ako 'pag ganito comeback ko sa kanya. Hahahahahaha. Syempre, she'd whack me back saying that: Kaya nga, ako ang nanay. Ako ang masusunod. Kung gusto mo, palit tayo. Ikaw na 'yung nanay, ako na 'yung anak. Me: OK. Fine. Bye. Bukas ulit. Or mamaya.

I think it took me ages to let go this angst go. Actually, iyak-tawa na naman ako writing this out. The Carpenters PL made me bleed e. So, okay. Go lang. Andito na rin e. Speaking of this PL, it hits different AND it hits home. Mas na-appreciate ko and... love ko na PL na 'to. Currently hunting down a good vinyl for this nga, preferably 'yung vintage. I noticed that the quality of the new vinyls are MEH and BLECH. Kakabadtrip though the aesthetics are better. Hindi pixelated or malabo lang talaga kuha. Bangkal, Makati Cinema Square, or Cubao X na siguro ito 'pag mas oks na pakiramdam ko. Sana bukas na 'yun please. UGH.

While I can definitely score a good item in Amazon or Ebay, iba pa rin 'pag nahahawakan mo, naamoy, nilalagay mo sa player. Iba pa rin 'pag pumipili ka sa vintage piles. May kakaibang euphoria siya as a mababaw person. Today is the day to remember the dead. I find this absurd to be honest. Why so? Because we don't really need to have this day of commemoration, to be honest. We always remember. Sometimes, we choose to forget. Most of the time, we the dead people become so alive in micro-moments and even zero moments of truth. Today, I'm thinking of lighting my Nasugbu candle for mom. I never believe in traditions, but let this be a curious day. Let this be day of remembering her life and her lessons as I make sense of my limited time across this universe, this lifetime. And yes, I'll play her PLs throughout the day. Maiba naman. Try natin if I won't spiral or be triggered. May this day be a day filled with glimmers as her au revoir non-horror keeps coming. Humanda siya. Mature na ako. LOL. Ready na ako to face my demons and hers, too. LUH. Labas ko na ulit 'yung dusty and rusty scoreboard namin.

[pixelated-stories]

Hollow Knight: Goldheart Edition

(A Hollow Knight x Dave and Bambi fic thingie lol)

After a strange dream, his heart burns with the desire to return, it almost hurts him physically, so he sets off. Tristan, once caterpillar, now butterfly, returns to Hallownest. There, he discovers the powers of his Heart of Gold, Hallownest's mysterious past, meets old and new friends, and after meeting a certain Knight, his revisit turns into a heart-pumping, heartbreaking, wild adventure, and find a cure for the raging infection.

Below page break is all of the 1st chaper cnp'd on to here, I recommend viewing the ao3 version here because of better formatting and stuff. Enjoy, and leave constructive criticism below if you have any!

“Tristan…” a voice, barely above a whisper, called out to him.

The caterpillar with an oversized, blue, fluffy cloak turned around at his name being called, seeing the mask of ████, his prosthetics shined, the lumafly’s light reflecting off of it. He responded with a trill, tilting his head.

“It’s time, let’s go.” The person said, picking Tristan up in his arms, “B████ I'll be back, I’m taking him to the place.” They called out to another bug it seems.

“Okay, stay safe you two!” Another, more accented voice yelled back, sounds like they’re in another room.

In the bug’s arms, he is carried outside their house, he feels like he knows this bug on a deep level, but he can’t recall who it is, their face is blurred out, but he is so sure he knows who this bug is. He wants to talk, but he can’t move, he can’t speak, at least on his own, he and this bug speak on their way to this destination. He can’t hear the conversation, it was silent, so he tries to look around as best as he can. He sees the bug walking on their metal prosthetics, their dark blue cloak and the back of the bug, he also sees lampposts passing by, lit up by lumaflies.

The wind picked up, his head automatically turned around, craning their neck to look behind him, there was a wasteland, he looked up to see the bug looking down at him, “This is the wasteland, the border of ██████████” They told him. All Tristan was nudge himself more into their arms, suddenly feeling drowsy.

The bug walked further out, the sight of where their home was quickly covered up by the dusty winds, they kept walking in a direction, as if it was no trouble. He felt them stop, looking to see what made them stop. It was a cabin; tiny, but strong enough to withstand the winds.

“This is the farthest of where bugs go before they lose themselves,” They- he looked at him, if Tristan looked closely, he could see the shadow of his face slowly starting to fade away. “It’s almost time for you to undergo metamorphosis, huh? No wonder you look tired.” He mused, as he went in the shack, closing the door behind him, he set Tristan down on a comfy feeling nest. “Look, before you sleep, can you do me a favor?”

Tristan sleepily looked up at the bug, mewing, fighting the sleep as best as he could.

“When you wake up, I’m going to need you to get away, okay? It’s not safe here.” He instructed.

Tristan’s eyes widened, waking back up a bit as fear and uncertainty shot through his body, “But what about you?” He was too distracted to notice that he actually spoke.

“I’ll be fine, I’ve lost 2 legs, and I’m still going strong, a puny sickness isn’t going to keep me down,” D███ chuckled, then he adorned a… what looked like a serious face from what little he could see, “But I don’t know if you’d be fine, after you wake up, you have to go, promise me that.”

Tristan looked down, silent, his vision began to blur, realizing he was now crying, “O-Okay…” He reluctantly accepted, “I promise.” He looked to the side, then up at Da██, “Will I be able to come back?”

Da██ nodded, “Of course you can, it’ll just be a while before you can.” He said, his optimism sounding forced.

Tristan sniffled, seeing the cracks of uncertainty on Dav█’s face, hearing it in his voice too, “How will I know when to come back?” He questions, voice cracking.

Dav█ is silent, unsure of how to answer for a while, he looks at Tristan for a bit, not at his eyes, but somewhere on his body, then he smiles, now making eye contact. “You’ll know when you’ll feel it in your heart, so-”

Tristan shot up with a gasp, panting heavily, his chest hurts as if he held his breath, but he knows it’s something else, he doesn’t know how he can tell, but he feels it, a strong desire to return. He looks down at his chest, he sees his chest glow with a faint golden color, something he’s used to by now… maybe that dream was a sign.

–

Now a young butterfly for a couple of years, he wandered these wastelands for a long time, his pale red abdomen was visible due his blue, fluffy cloak being open a crack, his face obscured by the hood of said cloak, and his wings were a were a translucent yellow, with some darker yellow lines along his wings, it looks like they spelt something if you looked closer at them, it looked like the word “wings” itself written on them. Tristan, the aforementioned butterfly, walked in the direction his gut- no, it felt like his heart was telling him to go, holding the rim of his hood with a tight grip to prevent it from flying off his head from the gusty winds. His legs were tired from fighting the wind, barely able to breathe with how strong it was, but he continued to trudge on, little by little, he could feel it, he was inching closer to where his heart was telling him to go.

It seems the winds have gotten stronger since he last remembered, he could feel it trying to push him back, if he was crazy, he could almost say it was telling him to turn back. Tristan shivered from how cold it was getting, his exhales could be seen as puffs of fog for a split second before they were instantly blown away by the wind. Out of nowhere, the way the winds blew changed direction, almost falling over at the change. He looked behind him, he stared at the strange sight that was the dust picked up from the winds going two directions at once, surely that must be a sign that he's near, right? He was now focusing on trying not to be pushed forwards too fast, looking side to side, as if he's searching for something.

Tristan saw something off in the distance, squinting his eyes so that he could make out what it was as he walked towards it. His eyes widened when he could see what it was, it was the cabin that the bug in his dreams told him to rest at, and run! He's surprised that the cheap little thing is still standing in winds like this, so he heads in to check it out.

"It looks like when I just left it," he murmurs to himself, he stares at the dry cocoon, surprised it didn't wither away after all this time, brushing it with his fingers.

He stayed for just a little while longer before he headed back out, shutting the door behind him, and walked the way he was originally going. He goes along, the winds settling, eventually, he stumbles upon corpses of large bugs, some round and plump, others thin and long. He stares at them solemnly, wondering what could've happened to them.

He moves on from the corpses, jumping over the cracks of the rocky roads, like a child would until he sees a lamppost… a lamppost! He's here! He's finally made it! His heart speeds up, he runs, jumping up ledges, racing past tiktiks, vengeflies and the like. He continues, panting heavily as he exerts himself, yet the feeling of excitement bubbling up in him doesn't go away. He stops at the edge of a very large drop, in the distance he can faintly see a lot of houses, it could be a village or a town!

"I found it…" He whispers to himself as he looks down at the village, he feels a mix of nostalgia, and relief, nostalgic as he feels like he's finally made it back home, relief as the strong desire that led him here fizzled out.

Tristan looked down at the massive hole, it was a huge drop! He backed away from the edge, a shiver running through his carapace before he steeled himself, donning a brave expression before he leaped down. He gripped his hood tight as he fell, as he saw the ground approaching, he flared his wings, instantly slowing his fall by a huge margin, he fluttered his wings to slow down some more before he landed gracefully on his feet. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, then he laughed as the adrenaline went away, that was quite a rush for him. He took a deep breath, relaxing his shoulders, fixing his cloak before he jogged forward!

The first thing he noticed were tiktik corpses, fresh ones too, some orange substance pooled around them instead of normal hemolymph, the second thing was that this place looked worse than it did in his memories, as fuzzy as they were; he could tell that this place used to bustling with life in the past, despite not having any memory of said past. Along the way, he is met with more corpses, more fresh than the ones behind him, he worries that someone… murder-y, so to say, may be just ahead. He figures he might wanna be slower, he doesn't wanna catch up to that bug now does he? He exits the tiny passage, his jog halting to a stop, looking up in awe.

"Wow…" He looked on, he already felt small and he's barely been here. He closed his open mouth, lowering his gaze, he continued onward at his leisure pace, walking up ramps, jumping up ledges and over platforms, narrowly dodging a falling spike, he would rather not get impaled through the head.

Just ahead said spike, some dark part of the walls lit up with a pure white color. It looked like writing the shape of this patch of the wall looked like an egg, gentle whispers overlapping each other around the butterfly, startling him a bit.

"What… is this?" He asks himself, getting closer to the strange wall.

He almost yelped out loud when he heard a loud whisper- not from around him, but in his head.

'Higher beings, these words are for you alone-'

Tristan put a hand on his head, it ached due the words being forced into his mind.

'Your great strength marks you amongst is. Focus your soul, and you shall achieve feats of which others can only dream.'

Tristan shook his head, blinking his eyes, these words felt strong too. Focus his soul… how does he do that?

As if reading his mind, the gentle voice continued.

'Reach deep inside yourself.'

Tristan squinted an eye in confusion, but he tried to follow nonetheless.

'Draw it out, and let it envelope you.'

Tristan tried to do it, his abdomen reacted instantly, it warmed up, then that warmth spread across his entire body.

'Let it mend any wounds on your body, and HEAL.'

He doesn't have any injuries, but does feel rejuvenated, stronger, more durable. He opens his eyes, and immediately sees the golden aura emanating from his body, "Woah… this is cool!" He exclaimed, feeling giddy. Suddenly, that feeling went away, replaced by exhaustion, it was like experiencing a very short sugar rush and still feeling a full powered crash. He just learned that he can do something like this, so he won’t be good at this immediately, but that’s what practice is for, right? He catches his breath, and prepares to move on, but is interrupted by the sound of a rock being kicked over, he spines on his feet, getting into a defensive stance incase is was the bug that murdered all those tiktiks. Instead of seeing some bug with a crazed look on their face, instead it was a tiny bug, shorter than him, somehow, by a couple of inches.

Tristan eases his guard seeing the tiny bug, it didn’t look like any other bug he’s familiar with, their body is entirely pitch black, no light bouncing off what looks like a very soft shell, a white mask with two horns curved inward, a triangle-shape carved out at the tips. After staring for a short moment, he gathers up the courage to greet the bug.

“Hello?” He waved, waiting for a response. All Tristan was met with was silence, making him nervous, so he tried again, in case the bug didn’t hear him the first time, “Hellooo?” He tried again. This time, he got a response from them, the bug glanced at him, at least from what he could tell, it was hard to guess from their blank stare, even harder when he couldn’t see a semblance of a face under their mask.

Tristan put a finger on his chin, they’re not a statue, they clearly responded to his greeting, but they didn’t speak, what if… “Can you not speak?” Their response was a shake of the head. “Ah, that makes things a bit difficult…” He thought of the next question to ask, eyes drifting to the strange wall beside him, he knew his next question, “Can you read this?” He gestured to it with an open palm and a tilt to his head. They answered with a nod, fantastic yes or no questions are really easy to do for now, he’ll try to stick to those for the time being.

“Can you focus?” Tristan asked, if this bug can read the words meant for higher beings, he assumes (because they were meant for higher beings alone, that’s what the wall said), then he must know how to focus, right? The bug did look injured, maybe they were about to heal anyways?

Well, his questions were answered when the bug hunched over, a white aura surrounded them, not unlike his golden one, it quickly went from a dim light to almost blinding, building up, rocks floating up from the ground due to the energy reaching its supposed climax before it pulsed, sending a slight shockwave out, Tristan stumbled back in surprise, caught off guard by it, squinting his eyes from the blinding intensity of it. He opened his eyes when the flash disappeared as quickly as it came, he looked at the bug, their injuries looked better, the scratches on their mask went away.

“Oh… my GOODNESS, that was SO COOL!” Tristan jumped in place as he clapped, child-like excitement radiating off of him like an infection. He stopped jumping and clapping, but he is still full of energy, all up in the bug’s face, hands balled up, nearly touching his chest. He realized he was up close when he saw the bug back up. “O- Oh, sorry, but that was different from mine! Mine was gold and I felt strong and full of energy, but I couldn’t keep it up, and it felt like a sugar crash and…” He stopped when he saw the bug somehow look overwhelmed, “Sorry, should we go?” He pointed behind him, where they were originally going. The bug hesitantly nodded, walking past him.

Tristan followed the bug right behind him, jogging behind them to keep up with their pace. Tristan watches as the begins killing of the tiny bugs, he starts to connect the dots that this bug was the murderer of all those tiktiks, vengeflies, and other very weak bugs around.

“Hey bud?” He called out nervously, when the bug turned around, he saw that Tristan treated him as if he had a 10 ft pole. They tilted their head, waiting for an answer. “Are you the bug who murdered all of the poor bugs at the beginning of this place?

To his horror, they nodded, seeing Tristan’s horror on his barely visible face, they quickly showed that by hitting enemies, he can get enough soul to heal. That explanation eased him up a bit, but he was still frightened at their lack of reaction, killing these bugs for existing harmlessly. Well, most of them, the vengeflies were aggressive, attacking the bug when they got close, but still, they’re most likely protecting their territories, no need to kill them, he thinks. He follows their lead regardless, they seem like they know how to wield that nail, as broken as it looks, he’s surprised that they can even kill with it, the sharp sides look as dull as a spoon, their swing must be that strong.

Ascending a staircase, Tristan almost bumps into the little bug, stopping just before he did, “Hey! Why did you-” He pauses, noticing a tiny glowing blue butterfly, it was really tiny, attached to a blue vine, the fluttering of their wings shaking the vine, “-stop?” He finishes his question, staring at the bug before them with his… partner.

Tristan heads on a head, skipping a couple of steps as he runs up to the top of the staircase, stopping at the top of them, looking to his left, he saw a glowing blue cocoon, the same color as the butterflies he saw earlier. He turns around, seeing his partner seemingly awestruck by the butterfly. “Hey!” He called, getting their attention, “Come check this out!” He beckoned, motioning the tiny bug to come over.

They ran over to where Tristan stood, following Tristan’s gaze with their own, seeing the same blue cocoon, it looked to be filled with fluid. The bug drew their nail, walking over to the cocoon, “Hey, what’re you doing?-” Tristan nearly panicked, he was going to stop them, but he was too slow as the bug swiftly, yet gracefully slashed at the cocoon, splashing both with a thick blue liquid substance. They stood there for a couple of moments, the bug shook the liquid off of them, picking up a tiny bug filled to the brim with a viscous, blue liquid, the bug looked at it for a couple of seconds before squashing it with their hand, the bug popped under the force of their crushing grip, squirting a blue liquid that hovered in the air before the liquid raced towards the bug like they were a magnet.

The bug shivered as they felt new energy coursing through their body, and it tasted amazing, they picked one up and offered on to their friend, to which Tristan quickly put a hand up, shaking his head, “N- No thanks, I don’t really eat bugs like thi-” He was cut off by their insistence, pushing the squirming bug in his face. With a defeated sigh, Tristan relented, taking the bug in his hands, “Fine, I’ll try it, but I won’t like it.” He pulled his hood back, revealing his face finally, he had no mask, his pale yellow carapace on full display, his head shape was a symmetrical circle, his eyes were misshapen, his right eye way bigger than the one on the left, his antenna protruded at the back of his head, curving up at the tip, he opened his mouth, revealing sharp fangs so unlike a regular butterfly.

He nipped at the bug’s sack hard enough that it would penetrate its soft shell, sucking the liquid out of it with his tongue, his eyes widened as a very delicious taste came across his taste buds, it was sweet, like nectar. He hasn’t even realized how fast he drained the bug’s juices until he felt the thing shrivel up like a caprisun (not that Tristan nor the tiny bug would know what that is), “Aw man, it’s gone… Are there any more of those bugs?” He looked at his partner expectantly, though his disappointment was obvious when they shook their head, “Aww… Well, that sucks, pun unintended. At least I feel way stronger and energized now, it feels like when I focused that one time!” He recalled, comparing the two feelings.

They continued on, Tristan trying to converse with his new (most-likely temporary) companion, it was very weird, as the bug couldn’t answer complex questions, but Tristan had introduced himself, to which the bug bowed their head in greeting, Tristan did the same back to them. Down a hole, jumping on stone platforms over some dangerous looking spikes, from both from above and below. They almost went up, due to the bug having already went another path, only to have it loop (Tristan felt proud of himself when he was getting used to communicating with the bug), when they saw another path behind them, his partner seemed to have missed it, so they went back to check it out.

They found a tiny corner, it paled in comparison to the other path his partner went through, it was a mild size, but it was like an ant to the other one. They were going to turn back when Tristan noticed something gleam in the corner of his eyes, he turned sharply to it, making sure it wasn’t just a trick of the eye, and it wasn’t. “What’s this?” Tristan asked out loud, bending over to pick it up, it was a brown stone carved into a shape, it was very particular too, there were markings of many many eyes engraved all around the rock, he showed it to his partner, “Do you know what this is?” He asked them, hoping they would get an answer from them. They shook their head no, it was an answer, but an unsatisfying one, he supposed. He puts it in a pocket in his cloak, telling his partner (He was going to keep referring to this small bug as ‘his partner’ until he gets a name from them if he does), to keep going.

After slicing a wooden support beam, the ground above them harmlessly drops on them, they jumped up, realizing that they had made it past the hole they had to drop down earlier! “Yo, we made it past! Let’s keep going–” He turned around, seeing a big, cracked door blocking the exit to this place, “Oh, that’s blocking our way.” Tristan deflated, he would’ve suggested to turn around, he saw his partner run up to it, “H- Hey, what’re doing, I said we’re blocked, we have to find a different way there!” He exclaimed, running after him.

He was about to grab them to make them stop, but he saw a black spherical object, looked like an egg, light up with mysterious engravings like that one earlier, on the wall. Layered voices sounded in his head again, stopping him in his tracks.

‘Higher beings, these words are for you alone. Beyond this point, you enter the land of King and Creator. Step across this threshold and obey our laws.’

Tristan didn’t have the chance to speak up on it before it continued.

‘Bear witness to the last, and only civilisation, the eternal Kingdom. Hallownest’

When Tristan came too, he shook his head, like he was in a trance this time. He turned to ask his partner about it when he saw them swinging at the door with their nail, the sound didn’t register until he turned to them, he was about to call out to them before the door broke away into a million pieces, “Oh… Wow.” he walked to the edge, it looked like there used to be some sort of elevator system here, he turned back to his partner, “You have a very strong arm for your size.” At that comment, Tristan could swear he saw an offended look from their expressionless mask, he giggled, laughed even, at their possible offense, maybe he was already losing it, but Tristan didn’t care all that much.

They both jumped down, more like Tristan floated down slowly, the cliff. He was astonished that his partner didn’t seem bothered, just the discomfort of landing from high altitude jumps. “Hey, look, I think that’s the town I saw all the way up there,” He pointed to the houses up ahead, “C’mon, let’s go!” They ran towards the town, stopping to read a large sign came into view, “Welcome to Dirtmouth.” Tristan read aloud, he glanced at his partner, it was a very… quiet town, he wondered if anyone was even here.

They continued on, this time they were walking, looking around, until they came across an iron bench. Tristan sat on it with a sigh to rest his aching legs, surprised to feel a rush of energy, then he relaxed as a warm feeling blanketed his body, “Woah, this bench is amazing, come try it!” He pat the spot next to him, inviting them to come over. When they sat down they were still for a moment before they relaxed back into the bench, almost flopping, they must’ve been tired.

“Oh, hey!” Tristan’s eyes widened, hearing a familiar accented voice greet him, he sharply looked over his shoulder, seeing a bug with a big green cap covering most of his head, his carapace was a pale green color, with his belly being white, a fluffy red scarf covering his neck.

They stared at each other for a few moments, as they felt like they recognized each other.

“Bambi!?”

“Tristan!?” They blurted each others names, startling the bug next to Tristan awake.