#Katie does not appreciate Lance making comments

[chibi-pix]

I wanted some Mama Pidge AU. And Realities Collide. And I keep thinking of VF Lance not liking the idea of Katie, a literal kid, raising a kid herself. And the fact that that kid is actually Galra/Drule. But. Katie doesn't care. She loves her son and she won't let anyone ruin that or insult him. Meanwhile, Darrell's just amazed by how big of a bump his mama caused on the commander's head. It is impressive.

Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this one! Until next time!

[izlaria]

Someone you like (part 2)

This is the second chapter of my “Someone you like” inspired fic. It’s also available on AO3 in case you prefer that platform.

Feel free to write comments in the tags or send me messages about this. I love feedback!

16 and 14 years old

Pidge Gunderson. I am Pidge Gunderson.

Katie looked herself in the mirror, trying to convince her brain that the image reflected was hers, that it was a boy, with no previous links to the Garrison, someone who had wanted to go into Communications.

It didn’t really work. All she saw was Matt: his glasses; his short, unkempt haircut; his nickname for her.

Maybe it was better like this. Katie had initially meant to immerse herself in this new identity, to go so deep into Pidge Gunderson that no one would be able to see past the cover, but the truth still kept slipping through her defenses. Katie was a Holt and her family was missing, so she was gonna find them. Pidge was just a tool.

It would be easier if there weren’t so many risks in studying at the Garrison.

Her father hadn’t brought her around often, but Katie had become infamous among the night-time security for her excursions to discover sensitive information regarding the Kerberos mission. Iverson, in particular, was probably expecting a new advance on her part.

He hadn’t recognized her, yet.

Sometimes Katie worried that she’d already been exposed and that they were just gathering evidence before actually making a move against her. If the Garrison was willing to lie about her father’s and brother’s deaths, then she couldn’t overlook the possibility that corruption ran deep within the organization.

She sighed, tugging at the ends of her hair.

“Come on, Gunderson!” she heard someone shout from outside her door. “You’re coming to lunch with us whether you want to or not!”

Lance continued to make noises, probably talking to Hunk. They usually threatened to hack into her keypad if she didn’t come out to join them for meals. Katie couldn’t really understand their stubbornness. She might have appreciated their offer of friendship back in Middle School, when she’d felt ostracized by her peers, but now it was just another hazard to her already convoluted plan.

“Go bother some poor girl, McClain!” Katie shouted in response, feeling more inpatient than strictly necessary.

She knew that Lance meant well, but she didn’t have time for his hijinks. Katie had a duty to her family, first and foremost, and any effort spent placating her teammates was a waste in that regard. Not to mention that Lance had a knack for attracting attention that completely opposed her own need to remain unseen.

Her door slid open with an elegant swoosh.

Katie poked her head from the bathroom to glare at the two boys who stood there. Hunk had the sense to look ashamed, but Lance just grinned.

“It’s bonding time, Pidge!” He stepped into the room, arms wide open. His easy smile was the same as ever, despite the news they’d received earlier that day about their performance stats. It was probably why Lance was there, after all.

Katie actually felt a little bad about the whole thing. She wasn’t particularly invested in training as a communications officer and, though she wouldn’t say it affected her retainment of the knowledge demanded from her, it certainly translated into frustration when they were in the simulator.

She wasn’t much of a team player, Katie could admit.

“If you’re trying to get on my good side, this is not how to do it,” she grumbled, trying her best to keep her voice low. Too much of a change would eventually weight on her vocal cords or sound plain ridiculous, but a difference in pitch and speech patterns were certainly necessary to disguise her true identity. Thankfully, any slip up could be attributed to puberty, as she’d been seeing many of their male classmates endure the difficulties of cracking voices.

Lance took her by the shoulders and shook her indiscriminately. “Quit being the worst!” His cheerfulness hid the vexation that Katie knew he truly felt. “We’re having burgers today, so I’m not letting you bring us down.”

She snickered. Lance was notorious for his love of junk food, despite Hunk’s attempts to get them more nutritious meals. He frequently spoke about his mother’s cooking but didn’t seem to have that same interest in the dietary plan prepared by the Garrison.

Katie couldn’t really fault him for that. Their meals were usually so blend that they seemed to withdraw taste from any of the condiments added.

From behind Lance, Hunk had finally gathered enough courage to come in. He looked around in such false innocence that Katie might have believed him, hadn’t she caught him going through her drawers the previous week. That boy was nosy as hell.

Just another reason to keep them away.

“If I go with you to the cafeteria, does that mean I can get you out of my room?” She fixed them with a stony look.

“For a time,” Lance offered, all cheeky and bright and annoying.

Hunk put a hand on his shoulder, pulling his friend back from Katie. “We noticed you didn’t eat yesterday, again.” He sighed. “If you took better care of yourself, we wouldn’t come here so often.”

Katie let that reasoning sit with her for a bit. She usually sneaked granola bars and other less-perishable types of food into her room to eat while she worked, but it was true that she didn’t really sit for meals unless the boys pushed her. She didn’t think they would notice.

It brought a strange warmth to her chest. She’d felt cold for so long now, always at arm’s length from those around her. Her mother had tried, but she was grieving and her suffering filled her until there was no more room for her daughter. These small kindnesses had gone away with Matt.

She struggled not to reach into her pocket for the picture she kept of them. Hunk had a curious soul and Lance was a gossip; they had almost caught her one too many times.

“I guess I did want your input on how to recalibrate this old radio I found in the junkyard…” Katie huffed out a breath, which the boys took as a surrender.

“Ah, nothing like the smell of oil and grease to really improve the day!” Lance put an arm around her shoulders, but she quickly dodged away, lest he recognize anything different about her body. Even though she was already pretending to be a boy, Katie didn’t want to also have to pretend to be trans. It was a line that she dared not cross, morally.

She felt the dysmorphia more acutely than she’d imagined she would. As a child, she had enjoyed cutesy things and dresses and her long hair. The sudden departure from those possessions was supposed to remove her from her previous identity, but Katie would always know the truth. There was no escaping it.

More than anything, it was the inability to choose that left her frazzled. The loose clothes and glasses and boyish haircut didn’t bother her and they did give her a liberty that more feminine wear didn’t, but Katie wished the circumstances allowed her to be a girl too, sometimes.

Alas, here she was, stuck between Hunk and Lance as they basically escorted her to the cafeteria. Matt would have a conniption if he ever found out there were boys breaking into her room at all times of the day.

“You thinking about those amazing fries we’re gonna get?” Lance sighed dreamily. “Honestly, I don’t know how they do it. Every other meal freaking sucks, but then Monday comes around and the cooks just nail it!”

Hunk chuckled, nodding along. “They probably want to put us in a good mood for the week. Everybody knows that getting back to classes after the weekend can be hard.”

“Hard? It’s impossible.” Lance dragged his hands through his face. “I nearly fell asleep during Arithmetic today. Professor Reeves is such a bore!”

“Maybe you wouldn’t fall asleep if you didn’t spend Sunday nights in town,” Katie quipped before she could stop herself.

“Yeah, well,” Lance floundered. “What’s your excuse, then? You won’t come with us, but you still look dead on your feet in the mornings!”

“I’m just not a morning person.” She crossed her arms, turning away from Lance.

In doing so, however, she came face to face with Hunk, who was staring at her with an inquisitive look. He was less loud about it than Lance, but it was clear that he also had questions about what Katie spent her time doing.

She tightened her arms around herself, feeling her stomach drop.

This was why Katie didn’t like to talk to them. It was usually easy to ignore Lance, because of how over-the-top he was, but Hunk’s gentleness and concern made the guilt rise within her. She didn’t want to involve other people in her lies, didn’t want them to believe Pidge was their friend only to be faced with a betrayal.

And that’s how they would see it, wasn’t it? Katie didn’t have a lot of experience with friendships, especially not ones as deep as Hunk and Lance’s, but no sane person would take it lightly to find out someone had lied about their whole identity and motivations.

Besides, if she ever did find out what the Garrison was hiding, it could possibly affect the future of the organization and disrupt the trajectory of every student there.

Before Katie could go further into her spiraling thoughts, she felt Hunk maneuver her into the cafeteria line. She had tuned out the rest of their conversation and now Lance spoke of a girl in his Aerodynamics class.

She ignored his ramblings. Lance tried to project this image of a lady’s man, but the few dates he’d scored since they started school never seemed to really move forward. They ended up in an endless cycle in which Lance fixated on some girl, hit on her endlessly, then finally gave up and went crying to Hunk.

Katie couldn’t see the appeal of it, but it most likely had to do with Lance’s self-esteem and need for validation.

“I think Jiya might actually like me!” he declared, despite how both Hunk and Katie were more focused on filling their trays with food. “Whenever the teacher asks me to stay behind and clean up, she stays to help! That has to mean something!”

Katie collected her juice box and went to sit down, pointedly ignoring Lance’s questions.

“I’m sure you’re right,” Hunk said agreeably. He didn’t sound too sure, but his expression showed that he was trying to be positive for Lance’s sake.

“Or, you know, the girl is just a nice person who thought you were being picked on by the teacher.” Katie raised her eyes to give Lance an unimpressed look. “And you’re reading too much into it.”

The boy scowled at her. “What would you know, Pidge? I’ve never seen you with a girl before.”

“Yeah,” she raised an eyebrow, feeling smug that the other two wouldn’t understand the humor in this. “What do I know of girls?”

Katie had to suppress a laugh when Lance turned to her with a very confused expression. Hunk, however, gave her a small, secretive smile that set off all kinds of warning signs.

“I don’t get it,” Lance complained to Hunk, then turned back to her. “I don’t get it!”

“Well,” Hunk started and immediately her heart started pounding in her chest. Outwardly, Katie tried to remain impassive. “The girls in our class all love Pidge.”

“They do?!” Lance burst out, eyes widened. His gaze shifted back and forth between her and Hunk.

They didn’t, Katie was pretty sure. Did they?

“They think he’s cute,” Hunk confirmed, waving his fork in the air as if trying to recall the exact words. “Pidge is quiet, but he’s smart and mostly polite, so Denise decided he was a good guy and the rest of the girls kinda followed her lead.”

Now that Katie thought about it, it was true that she’d helped Denise with her Bio homework and that people had been nicer to her since. She supposed they could see Pidge in a good light, especially because he seemed so much younger than the other students in Engineering.

Katie blinked rapidly to dispel her thoughts. She’d been thinking of Pidge in the third person, again.

“Fine, then.” Lance narrowed his eyes at Katie. “What miraculous advice do you have for me, oh Great Pidgeon?”

Despite his sarcasm, it was clear that Lance truly wanted an answer. It was one of the most ridiculous situations Katie had ever found herself in.

“How about you show some interest in what these girls like, instead of showboating around them?” She flicked a fry at him, which Hunk quickly stole for himself. “Sure, some people want to be impressed, but we all got into the Garrison and a lot of them already know your grades on the simulator. Most girls want someone who will listen and who they can have fun with.”

“I can be fun!” Lance protested.

“I get what Pidge’s saying, though,” Hunk intervened. Katie hadn’t meant to be harsh, but Lance suddenly looked a little deflated. “We know that you’re great, but you’re always so busy trying to be what these girls want from you that you don’t really get to know them. A little kindness goes a long way.”

Katie nodded along, munching on her burger. “No girl wants an egocentric boyfriend,” she added, mouth still half full. Lance glared at her in both disgust and indignancy.

“I don’t want to hear this from you, Mister I’m-not-here-to-make-friends!”

She shrugged and continued to eat her burger.

“Okay, okay…” Hunk put his hands up placatingly. “How about I get us some dessert and we change the subject?”

Lance glanced at him through the corner of his eyes. “Those guava-flavored popsicles?”

“You know it!” Hunk grinned back at him and the two shared a high-five.

“You’re so easy to please,” Katie commented once Hunk had gotten up. She used her last fry to soak up the mayo leftover on her plate.

Lance glared at her for a moment, before letting the last of his annoyance slip away. He reached into his backpack and took out an apple.

“Here.” He deposited it on her tray.

Katie frowned at him. “What is this?”

“You always eat fruit after we get something greasy, right?” he asked it casually, distracted by trying to squeeze ketchup onto his remaining fries. The condiment bottles in the cafeteria were continuously blocked.

“Yeah.” She blinked up at him, caught by surprise. Her voice had gone soft and she had to clear her throat to dispel the emotion that knotted there. “I didn’t think you would remember.”

Lance looked up from his food to give her an exaggerated eye-roll.

“You’re my friend, Pidge.” He kicked her under the table. “In spite of all your efforts to keep me away.”

She stayed silent for a moment, staring at the apple.

“Thank you,” she said. I’m sorry, she wanted to add, but it would make no sense to him. As far as Lance knew, Pidge was cold and self-involved and clinical to a fault.

“Don’t mention it!” He threw a fry up and tried to catch it with his mouth, but it merely bounced off his nose, marking it with ketchup. “Dang! One more!”

Katie let out a breath of laughter. Then, sitting up to better her odds, she waved at Lance. “Try me.”

By the time Hunk returned, Katie was biting into her apple as Lance complained about the ketchup stains he’d gotten on his uniform jacket.

--

She didn’t know what had driven her away from the dorms that day. There was a restless energy within her that demanded space and, though she’d never been the biggest fan of nature, it had sent her directly into the Arizona desert.

Katie felt like Pidge, today. Not like Pidge Gunderson, but like the little girl who’d yelled a misheard swearword at locked doors, until her brother had come to her rescue. She felt young and impulsive and alive, despite the grief that still weighted on her shoulders.

More than anything, she missed her mom.

In Katie’s eyes, Coleen Holt knew everything there was to know about agriculture and plant life. She was a different kind of genius from her father and brother, possessing a peacefulness about her that none of the other Holts could ever hope for. It had been a comfort through the years of Katie’s adolescence.

Sitting underneath one of the few trees distributed across the Garrison grounds reminded Katie of her grandmother’s place in Italy, where the fruit trees spread as far as the horizon. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine the sweet smells that rose from the vegetation.

“I wonder if they have lemon trees here,” she murmured to herself.

“I don’t think they do, Pidge.”

Katie lurched back in shock. She felt her shoulder scrape against the tree trunk and had to stretch out an arm to keep from falling. Lance sent her a carefree grin, bent down at the waist to look her in the eye, as he usually did. It irritated Katie to no end, not only for how condescending it was, but because it always put him too far into her personal bubble.

“What are you even doing here, Lance?” she asked once her heartrate had gone down.

“I saw you through a window and thought we could eat together, since Hunk is sick.” He looked pointedly at the half-eaten sandwich she’d tossed in her surprise. “I see you started without me.”

“Well, now I’ll have to buy something else for lunch, so thanks for that,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Don’t be like that, Pidgeon.” Lance poked her on the ribs. “I even brought you something as a bribe.” And then he extended an apple towards her.

Katie took it, trying to cover up her amusement with exasperation. “Do you think I’m obsessed with apples or something?”

“Next time I’ll bring you a lemon,” he teased.

Maybe it was because she felt more herself than she had in weeks, but Katie snickered at him. While his sanguinity could be exhausting, this time it was a welcome relief from the stagnation she’d fallen under.

Lance pulled out a sandwich from his pack, one of those 30 centimeters subs in Italian bread and multiple fixings, and Katie felt her mouth water at the sight. He must have noticed, because Lance chuckled and broke out one end for her.

“I think this is a palo verde,” he remarked after swallowing his first bite. At a confused look from Katie, he clarified, “the tree. You were talking about it before, right?”

“You speak Spanish?”

“Yeah…” He sounded like he was laughing at her. “I’m Cuban.”

Katie suddenly felt very stupid. He and Hunk had probably mentioned this already, but she didn’t pay them that much attention. It was a little embarrassing, especially when Lance seemed to be memorizing every small piece of information she offered him.

“Oh.” She searched for the right thing to say. “I didn’t know. Your last name sounds American.”

The whole situation left in her a sense of déjà vu. She couldn’t quite remember why, but the words pulled at her memory.

Thankfully, Lance took it in stride. “Our family has been to the US, then back to Cuba, then back to the US for generations. My whole name is actually Lance Serrano Mcclain.”

She nodded. Normally Katie would let the conversation drop and focus on finishing her meal, but she had already decided to take a bit of a break that day, in order to be more attentive at night. It couldn’t hurt to find out more about her teammate.

“So… Palo verde?”

“It means green stick, which seems kind of unfair, because this tree is actually pretty big, especially for the climate around here.” Lance fanned himself. “I hate how dry it gets.”

She almost agreed with him, but, as far as Lance and Hunk were concerned, Pidge Gunderson had no reason to have been outside of Arizona. Instead, she pretended to ponder his comment.

“The desert can be pretty unpredictable. The lack of humidity during the day is bad, but I wouldn’t want to be caught out when the temperatures drop.”

Lance faked a shiver. “Don’t even talk about that! I have too much tropical blood to handle the cold well. Hunk’s Samoan, by the way,” and there was unnecessary emphasis to his words here, “so he’s the same.”

“I didn’t realize both of you weren’t from around here.” Katie could imagine how much they missed their families. Choosing to voluntarily leave so that they could study at the Garrison must have been difficult.

“That’s nice to hear.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just…” He scrunched up his nose, as if he wanted to take back the words as he said them. “You were so cold to us when we first met, we weren’t sure what it was about.”

It was her turn to grimace. Katie hadn’t wanted to seem like so much of a jerk. She could be snappish and patronizing, even with those she loved, but her haughtiness towards her teammates had been a façade created to keep them out. Not that it did any good.

“Ugh, you’re already closed off, again.” Lance threw his head back in frustration. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s just personal, Lance.” Katie played with the apple in her hands. “I swear it’s not about you two.”

Without looking directly at him, she couldn’t tell what expression Lance was making. He stared at her, letting the silence extend.

Then he popped the last of the sub into his mouth, spreading back onto the grass.

“We will pester it out of you.” She turned to see him grinning. The confidence there was a quiet thing, so much different than Lance’s usual hyperboles and that much more effective. She felt dazed by it. “Eventually.”

Katie had never understood what the girls in her school meant when they talked about crushes. They always seemed frivolous, going on about someone’s hair or how handsome they were or how strong. Meanwhile, Katie had simply hoped for a friend, for a respite to the unending mocking.

Still, Lance suddenly looked very interesting under this light. His chin was too pointed to be considered attractive, but his blue eyes caught the sunshine like polished stone. He could be funny and thoughtful and inventive, attributes Katie hadn’t expected to value.

She moved her gaze to where another group of students was sitting, uncertain if the heat running up her neck would translate into a damning blush. She bit into the apple to keep from incriminating herself further.

[toocool2btrue]

Confessions

Katie Holt didn't need to look up to see who had just entered the lab, there were only two people who had access to her lab other than herself. Considering she just ended her call with one of them.

It could only be..

"Hey Lance" she greeted, her eyes still fixed on the new vehicle designs.

He simply nodded, taking his usual seat. He sat there patiently, looking at her with thoughtful eyes.

She finally set her work aside, turning her attention towards her friend.

"So how did the date go?" she asked, leaning closer

Lance didn't know what exactly triggered the matchmaker inside her, he had a hard time remembering if she was ever that enthusiastic about his love life before.

"It was alright" he commented, trying not to imagine the disaster that was yesterday.

She nodded, "So I see loverboy Lance is back in business"

Subconsciously his hands reached for the alteans marks on his cheeks. He couldn't believe there was a time he proudly used that nickname.

He scratched the back of his neck in nervousness, "I appreciate your and Hunk's efforts in finding me a date but this isn't exactly what I had meant"

Pidge frowned at him, "Lance please don't tell me your having second thoughts about moving on. You do know it's what she would have wanted"

His eyes widened hearing the misunderstanding, "This isn't about Allura" he hurriedly confirmed.

"I have truly moved on and I know she would have wanted me to but the thing is-"

"You didn't like Ashley?" Pidge wondered.

Her attention fell divided as she started rearranging the design sheets.

"It's not exactly that either" he grumbled, his frustration growing.

Pidge snickered to herself, "Well she is your type. Would be surprising if you didn't"

"What!" he squeaked offended.

"I don't have a type!" he defended.

"Sure Lance. Whatever helps you sleep at night" she teased, standing up and walking towards her latest project

"Look at this" she marvelled.

"Don't tell me your replacing Chip" he questioned, inspecting the half built robot.

Pidge lightly punched his shoulder in response, "Of course not, Chip is like my first child" she stated earning a stern look from Lance.

"I mean second child. I haven't forgotten about Katlenecker" she corrected and he nodded in satisfaction.

"You know I am going home next week, you should come with me" he suggested.

The wide eyed look on Pidge's face gave him a quick reality check.

"To visit Katlenecker!" he quickly added, The nature of their friendship had taken a strange course over the past few months . There were times he felt sure that they were moving towards something more and then there were times like these that made him feel that they were nothing more than friends.

"I'll think about it" she replied quickly. Both of them considered it wise idea to look at the Chip's new sibling rather than each other.

"So how long have you been working on it?" he asked deciding to change the topic.

"Not very long. In fact Matt's gonna come over soon to help me with it" she said inspecting it's arm.

"Don't tell me your working during lunch"

"Its the only free time I have and we really want to finish this soon. Besides Hunk is here so it's not like you are going to be alone" she answered.

"I am more concerned about the fact that you won't be eating. It's not healthy" he chided.

"I know you'll bring something for me" she informed gleefully, lightly patting his shoulder as she made her way back to her desk.

"I also need to work on these designs before I hand them over to Stella" she muttered to herself.

Lance ears pricked hearing the familiar name, "The engineer one? Hunk tried to set me up with her" he informed, feeling mentally exhausted. His younger self would feel disappointed that he was not cherishing the attention of these beautiful ladies.

But then again, he considered his younger self an idiot. If his younger self had been smarter and you use the time he had with the former green paladin to his advantage.

He wouldn't be yearning over her right now.

Pidge momentarily paused from her notes giving him a brief look.

"I am surprised that it didn't work " Pidge commented.

"Well I am not" he replied, Observing the designs from behind her shoulder. Old habits die hard indeed

"And she isn't my type either in case your wondering" he informed.

Pidge scoffed leaning against the wall as Lance stood in front of her, his hands crossed against his chest.

"Well you could have fooled me. So what is your type?" she asked with a cheeky grin, it was a question for which she wasn't exactly looking for an answer.

Lance grinned to himself, "Would you believe me if I said. It was you"

She simply smirked, "I am afraid I don't believe you" she retorted satisfied with her come back.

She turned back to her work, awaiting for a overdramatic reply. She was caught off guard with what happened next.

Impulse had taken over the love struck man, he leaned forward erasing the distance between them. His hands slapped against either side of the wall, trapping her against it. He lowered his head, maintaining eye contact with the startled amber eyes.

"Lance?" she managed to whisper in surprise.

His intense gaze didn't waver.

"Damn it Katie! What does a guy need to do to get your attention" the desperation evident in his voice.

He took a deep breath, hesitating to say the words he had been wanting to say for so long now.

"That night when I confessed to you that I ready to move forward. I had a very specific person in mind" he stated firmly.

Pidge was aware that the color of her face was getting redder by the second but still she couldn't help but tease.

"I wonder who that person is?"

He leaned in closer, if one might daresay was possible. His lips dangerously hovered over hers but he simply just smirked in response.

"I think you have figured out by now" he answered slyly.

"Maybe I have. So will you let me go now?" she wondered, making a half hearted attempt to escape.

"Not so easily, you have no idea how long I have been trying to do this. I will only let you go when you answer my question."

"So Katie would like to give us a chance ?" he whispered softly, nervousness evident in his voice.

It was a rare occasion for she didn't have any witty reply to his question this time. The moment seemed surreal, it was like a dream that she had abandoned a longtime ago but it still existed in a small corner of her heart.

"Pidge?" Lance called, snapping her back to reality.

"Your taking an awful lot of time for someone who wanted to escape a few moments ago" he joked trying to disguise the pain in his voice by idea of a possible rejection.

His hands slightly shook as he decided to release her from the human cage but it wasn't just letting her go now that terrified him but it was thought of letting go of the idea of them being together. Pidge, subconsciously had become someone without whom he couldn't live without and the thought she might not feel the same way felt like sharp stab in the stomach.

But at the same time he was willing to accept and respect it.

"Do you really intend to keep hold me captive till I don't give an answer?" she questioned, her mischevious tone surprised him.

Pidge's face was bright pink and she tried her best to bite back a smile as she uttered her next words.

"Guess I don't have much of choice than to say yes" she shrugged casually, trying to ignore the tingles that ran through her spine.

Her heart beated wildly against her chest but Katie knew she was ready to take this leap of faith.

"You what?" he shouted in truimph, his bright blue eyes shining like the stars.

"I hope your not teasing me" he warned to which she rolled her eyes.

"Well according to Matt we have been going on dates anyway might as well make it official" she stated nonchalantly as her heart performed jumping jacks.

"Now will you let me go?" she asked teasingly.

"Not on your life" he replied, his face held the impish smile that Pidge hadn't seen in years.

Without another warning he picked her up bridal style.

"Lance! Is it the day you vowed to give me a heart attack!" she shrieked in surprise as her feet were taken of the ground.

"I have never felt this happy before " he confessed

"Never?" she asked with a hint of nervousness as she firmly held on to his arms for her dear life.

"Never" he confirmed without missing another heartbeat, he leaned closer closing his eyes and Pidge followed.

Unfortunately the moment didn't last long for the door of the lab opened revealing non other than Mathew Holt and Commander Iverson.

"I assure you Commander Iverson the designs of the ships-Katie!!" Matt screamed, scaring the daylights of the two while Commander Iverson simply shook his head.

"It was bound to happen" he uttered those wise words.

________________

Hope you enjoy!

Please reblog if you liked it.

[hushman]

Curse you Pidge the Paladin

Summary:

Pidge the Paladin (known also as Agent P) is an agent for O.W.C.A. (the Organisation Without a Cool Acronym) and dedicated to helping keep the world safe. She does this by stopping the "nefarious” schemes of “Evil Genius” Lance McClain, founder of Lance McClain Evil Inc. and evil invention tester for L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. (the League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness). Armed with the best untested equipment L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. can supply him with, Lance will work tirelessly on his plans for global conquest, unless it's on the weekends, after 5pm or if he’s takes a personal day. Taking over the world is all fine and dandy but a good work-life balance is essential.

Rating: Everyone

Tags: Comedy, adventure,

My entry for the Plance Mini Bang over at @planceminibang

Special thank you to @oddreycharge for Beta reading this and to @perrytheplatypusgirl for making a gorgeous piece of art for this fic.

Check it here

You can read the story below or you can read it over at Archive of our Own

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19764709

Enjoy

****

Pidge, hotshot O.W.C.A. agent, arrived in her secret base in a teal smart suit, orange tie, brown fedora, and black-rimmed glasses. She sat down in her chair in front of a screen as her boss, Coran Smythe, appeared onscreen.

“Greetings, Agent P,” Coran said. “Our intelligence shows strange frequencies being transmitted from the headquarters of Lance McClain as well as “how to detect increase in bird behaviour” on his web history. Your mission is to go there and put a stop to whatever nefarious scheme he is up to. Best of luck, Agent P.”

Pidge gave a salute, climbed into her jet-powered hover car, and flew off just as her theme song was starting.

Dooby dooby doo-bah Dooby dooby doo-bah Dooby dooby doo-bah Dooby dooby doo-bah Pidge!

She's a computer savvy, tech loving lady of action! (Dooby dooby doo-bah) (Dooby dooby doo-bah) She's a scrappy young hacker, Who'll never flinch from a fray-ee-ay-ee-ay!

She's got more than just all that, Fe(Wah-ah-ah) She's got a snazzy suit and a hat, Fe(ah-ah) And the men all swoon whenever they hear her sa-a-a-ay

“Hold up, who said anything about swooning?”

She’s Pidge, Pidge the Paladin But you can call her Agent P. Pidge! I said you can call her Agent P! A-gent-P!

A short flight later, she arrived at Lance McClain Evil Incorporated by crashing through a skylight.

Waiting for her was Lance McClain in a lab coat and holding a remote.

“Ah, Pidge the Paladin, what an unexpected surprise,” Lance commented. “And by that I mean entirely expected!”

Lance pushed a button. A massive pole popped behind Pidge. Before she could react, a stream of bola flew in, tying her to the pole.

“It appears you have fallen for my cunning trap.”

“Cunning trap?” Pidge deadpanned. “This is the third time you've tried to use this thing. You even marked out on the floor where you wanted me to stand.”

“And yet, you fell for it,” Lance crowed in rebuttal.

Pidge gave as much of a shrug as her restraints allowed. “I wanted to see if you had fixed the aim on the bola launchers.”

Lance pursed his lips. “Fine, act all high and mighty tied to that pole while I enact my evil scheme.”

“And by “enact”, you mean tell some backstory to justify whatever hairbrained scheme and device you have today.”

Lance ignored this jab as he introduced his latest “tragic backstory”.

“You see, it harkens back to my miserable youth spent in my cold and unforgiving fatherland.”

“You grew up in Cuba.”

“It’s a metaphor,” Lance snapped back before continuing. "My siblings have always despised me."

"Just last week, you said Veronica was wrapped around your little finger and loved you with all her heart."

"That was last week,” Lance dismissed. “As I was saying, I was left to face the endless shame and ridicule from my elder siblings. But no more! Finally, they shall learn true terror with this: the Fowlagitationinator!”

Lance flung his arms flamboyantly towards the glorified satellite dish.

“So what exactly does it do?” Pidge asked.

“I am so very glad you asked.” Lance paused briefly as he failed to discreetly pull back his sleeve notes. “This device will emit a frequency that will increase the aggression in every bird within the city.” He read monotonously, “All urban activities will grind to a halt as everyone is terrorised by millions of feathery foes, leaving the city ripe for the taking.” His voice and arms pitched in confidence, dropping his speaker notes in the process.

“Millions?” Pidge raised an eyebrow. “I think you’re overestimating the city’s bird population.”

“I was going for dramatic effect.” Lance let out a groan. “Look, you’re here to thwart my schemes, not criticise them.”

“Fair enough,” Pidge conceded. “Speaking of thwart...”

At that moment, the restraints fell off her body.

“So, did it actually take you this long to escape, or were you waiting for me to finish talking?”

“Didn’t want to be rude.”

Pidge pounced at Lance with a jump kick. The man dodged with a last minute swivel, just barely missing Pidge’s boot. While the first strike had not connected, it had placed her between Lance and the device. He tried to throw a right hook at her. Pidge ducked and delivered a double palm strike to Lance’s abdomen.

“Your gut feels firmer,” Pidge commented. “Have you been working out?”

“Why yes, I have. Thank you for noti..Argh!” Lance was interrupted by Pidge flooring him with a roundhouse kick.

“Are you ever going to not fall for the compliment sucker punch?” The agent snorted.

She fell to ground with a yelp when Lance yanked one of her legs.

“It’s not a crime to appreciate it when you notice the effort I put into this body,” Lance replied as he stood up and wiped his mouth to check for blood. “Speaking of which, would you stop going for the face?”

“Sure.”

Lance managed to catch Pidge’s foot before it connected with his groin.

“Not what I meant.”

Lance flung Pidge by her leg across the room, causing her to hit the brick wall with a crash. He raced to press the large red button on the device. Pidge fired her grappling gun. The cable shot out, wrapping around Lance’s arm and pulling him back. He managed to get his arm free from his lab coat in time to bring his guard up against a furious onslaught of limbs.

What followed was a series of back-and-forth blows. While Lance had a higher endurance, Pidge was harder to hit. This continued unabated until he picked up a nearby chair. Pidge snatched a stool of her own.

Before either of them could take a swing, a ringtone interrupted the battle. Both Lance and Pidge put down the chairs.

“Is that your phone or mine?” Lance asked.

“Yours,” Pidge replied. “I changed my ringtone last week.”

“Huh.” Lance checked his phone. “It’s my brother. I’d better take this.”

Pidge nodded her consent as Lance answered the phone.

“Hey Luis, how’s it going?...Not too bad. Same old, same old...Yeah, she’s here to thwart my scheme...Nah, it’s fine, what’s up? Sure I can watch them tonight...not a problem at all...You’ll be here at 7? Yeah, that's fine.” Lance looked up and saw Pidge pointing to her watch. “Listen I’d better get back to work but I’ll see you tonight...Love you too.”

Lance hung up and put away the phone.

“Thanks for that, so do you want go back to chairs?”

“Nah, the moment’s gone.”

“Fair enough.”

Pidge proceeded to duck and perform a leg sweep, causing Lance to fall to the ground. As he picked himself up, Pidge raced over to the device. She pushed the self-destruct button and pulled out her grappling gun. She fired out a line, yanking herself through the skylight as the device exploded.

“CURSE YOU, PIDGE THE PALADIN!” Lance yelled.

Once he was certain was alone, he picked up a broom and started cleaning up the debris.

“You know, just once, it would be nice for her to stick around to help with the clean up.”

****

Lance had just finished sending his report to head office when the doorbell rang. He opened the door and was tackled by two blurs of energy.

“Come on you two, don’t break Uncle Lance within the first two minutes.”

“Hey, I can take it,” Lance laughed. “How about you both pick a game on the gameflux?”

At that sentence, the two raced off to where the gameflux was set up.

“I swear that thing is 90% of the reason they like me babysitting,” Lance commented.

“Well, that and the fact you usually offer pizza,” Luis said. “So you okay? You’re developing a bit of a bruise.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Lance replied. “The agent O.W.C.A. assigned to me just got a lucky hit in.”

“The compliment sucker punch?” Luis asked.

“Gets me every time.”

“You know, man, you really need to see about getting out of that franchise.”

“Eh…” Lance gave a non-committal shrug. “It’s not that bad. Besides, we both know it takes three million dollars to buy out of the place before the two years are up. I got into this mess. I can take the lumps to wait it out.”

“Just promise me you’ll stay safe.”

“Trust me it’s fine. Sure, that woman kicks my butt on a regular basis, but at least we’re keeping things professional.”

Luis rolled his eyes. “Only you would consider being punched in the face as professional.”

“Well, it kinda is her job to punch me in the face since I am technically trying to take over the city slash country slash world.”

“That sounds like the best job in the world.”

“Love you too, bro.”

With a quick hug, Luis left. 20 minutes after watching his niece and nephew screech at each other in Combat Cousins X, Lance heard the doorbell.

He answered the door. Standing there was Katie Holt, holding a couple of pizza boxes.

“Battle supplies as requested,” she said with a wink.

“Thanks, Katie. You're a lifesaver.”

“Oh please, considering the stuff I’ve seen you survive, you’re practically immortal,” Katie replied flippantly.

Lance scowled at her suspiciously. “What exactly have you seen me survive?”

“For starters, Charlene LeManche.”

“Objection withdrawn.”

Katie’s watch started vibrating.

“Excuse me.”

She stepped out onto the balcony. Satisfied that Lance had given her privacy, she activated her watch to see an image of Coran.

“Hope I’m not bothering, Agent P,” Coran said. “I just wanted to congratulate you another job well done.”

“Thanks, Coran. Though if you don’t mind, I’d better head back inside. Secret identity to maintain and all that.”

“Of course. Have a good night, Agent P.”

Katie hung up on Coran and went back inside. Tomorrow, she would probably be kicking Lance’s butt again, but she was perfectly satisfied with beating him at Pancake Dojo 2 whilst enjoying a slice of pepperoni pizza tonight.

****

It was Tuesday morning. Lance had finished his breakfast and was savouring the first sip of coffee. The blissful start was interrupted by the doorbell. He answered the door to find several men with crates.

“Morning, guys,” Lance said as he stepped aside to let the movers in.

After everything was moved into the open space “Evil Lair” area, Lance got to work opening first crate.

“Alright, let’s see what L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. cooked up for me today.”

Lance pulled out a letter from his superior. The latest device was something called the Vapourmatroninator. Apparently, there was a little extra assembly required.

After all the other crates were opened, Lance realised that that by “a little extra assembly”, they meant that this assemble would be bigger than a minivan, yet not a single piece was bigger than the palm of his hand.

“No worries. So long as the instructions are clear, I’ll just work through it piece by piece.”

Not only were the instructions incomprehensible, Lance wasn’t even sure that it was in English. After an hour of failing to make any headway, he picked up his phone.

“Hey Hunk, I need some help with building the latest world conquest machine… I know what I’m doing. It’s these instructions that make no sense...Look, can you come help me without making fun of me?...Alright, but can you still come or not?...Thanks, Hunk. You’re the best.”

****

Pidge kicked open the door to Lance McClain Evil Inc. at 4 p.m. on the dot.

She was ready to get her thwart on when she saw Hunk working on the device. He looked up to see Pidge standing there.

“Katie? What are you doing here?” Hunk asked. “And what are you wearing?”

Before Pidge could answer, Lance walked in.

“Hi Pidge, sorry I’m running a little behind so I had to call in some help.”

“Wait, this is Pidge?” Hunk asked in disbelief.

“Oh right, where are my manners?” Lance said. “Hunk, this is my nemesis Pidge. Pidge, this is my friend Hunk.”

“This is Pidge?” Hunk asked again. “As in the person that thwarts your plans daily.”

“Well, it's more of a Monday to Friday basis, gotta keep that work life balance, but yes. That’s her.” Lance answered “What’s your point?”

“Lance, that’s...argh!”

Hunk was interrupted by Pidge grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back.

“Shut up,” Pidge hissed to Hunk. “Play along and I’ll explain everything later.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, Pidge! Let him go this instant!” Lance scolded.

Pidge complied.

“Hunk doesn’t work for L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. He's just helping me out as a favour. Do whatever you want with me, but I will not have you attacking my friends!”

Pidge looked genuinely remorseful as Lance took out some money and handed it to her.

“Now you are going to say sorry to Hunk, and then you’re going to go the donut shop and pick up a dozen lemon cream-filled donuts with passionfruit sprinkles. When you get back, he should be done with the Inator and then you can thwart me.”

Pidge complied, sending Hunk one last pleading looking before heading out the door.

“Sorry about that,” Lance said to Hunk. “She honestly isn’t that bad, she’s just a little wound up at times.”

Hunk eyed Lance with utter astonishment.

“And she doesn’t remind you of anyone?” He pressed.

Lance paused thoughtfully.

“Now that you mention it, with that fedora, she kinda looks like Indiana Jones.”

“You think she looks like Indiana Jones?” Hunk asked, clearly not sure how to react.

“Kinda.”

“So when are you next due for an eye exam?”

“Next year, I think. Why?”

“Might want to move that forward.”

****

Pidge arrived with the donuts just as Hunk finished assembling the Inator. She handed them over Hunk he packed up his tools.

“Well, I better be out of your way,” he declared as he headed for the door with tools and donuts in tow.

“Leaving so soon?” Lance asked.

“Yeah, as much fun as it would be to watch you getting thwarted, I’d rather not watch the device I worked so hard on get destroyed.”

“Fair enough, catch ya later.”

Hunk shot Pidge a meaningful glance before leaving.

He hopped in the elevator and waited for the ding signalling the ground floor. Just as he exited the building, the Vapourmatroninator crashed onto the sidewalk, inches from his ears.

He could faintly hear Lance yell, “CURSE YOU, PIDGE THE PALADIN!”

****

A while later, Hunk and Pidge, in her civilian attire, were at Hunk’s favourite sandwich place. Only after he was halfway through his sandwich was he ready to address the elephant in the room.

“Alright, Katie, tell me what the heck is going on.”

“Okay.” Pidge took in a deep breath. “You remember that internship I took with a think tank? Well, that think tank is a secret government agency, and that internship is more of a field agent position.”

“So, who do you work for? The CIA?”

“No, I work for O.W.C.A., the Organisation Without a Cool Acronym.” Pidge watched Hunk raise an eyebrow. “Look, the name isn’t great, but they do good work.”

“And why exactly are you kicking Lance’s butt on a daily basis?”

“When Lance signed on to an employment contract with L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. that marked him as an ‘evil genius’, O.W.C.A. protocol is to assign an agent to be a nemesis to every evil genius. This was my first nemesis assignment, so the higher ups wanted to assign me to something lighter to chew on.”

“And the fact that you and Lance being friends isn’t against policy?”

“It would be if Lance recognised me,” Pidge explained. “I would get reassigned and he would get a new nemesis. I’ve been busting his scheme for nearly a year, and I thank whatever miracle that he still hasn’t worked out that I’m his nemesis.”

“How can he not know? All you do is put on a hat and glasses. You don’t even change your voice!”

“Look, are we really going to debate Lance’s intelligence? He has some strong suits, but he signed on to an evil organisation because their name was L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. And it took three weeks of being friends with him before he realised I was a girl.”

“To be fair, we were 12 at the time, but I see your point,” Hunk conceded. “But why stay as Lance’s nemesis? Franchise or not, you know Lance isn’t evil. Wouldn’t you rather spend your time taking down real bad guys?”

“Three reasons,” Pidge explained. “First, if I don’t do it, O.W.C.A. will send someone else, someone who will actually think he's evil. Second, Lance has been a surprisingly useful asset in undermining L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.

Any tech that fails with Lance tends to get scrapped, so stopping Lance also prevents some of the actually dangerous tech from being used by actual evil geniuses.”

“And the third?”

“Being Lance’s nemesis means that my work day is usually done by 5 and I get weekends off. Nothing wrong with appreciating a good work/life balance.”

Hunk rolled his eyes at this. “Alright, so what happens now?”

“Well it’s up to you,” Pidge explained. “Standard procedure would be to take you in to have your memory erased.”

Hunk choked on a piece of sandwich. A long sip of his drink helped him to speak again.

“Erase my memory?”

“Just the events of today,” Pidge assured him. “But if you promised to keep this secret under wraps I could conveniently forget the part where you recognised me when I file my report.”

Hunk deliberated for a moment. “Alright, I don’t like keeping this from Lance, but I’m not risking forgetting my great aunt’s banoffee pie recipe over this.”

“Thanks Hunk,” Pidge said gratefully.

“Though if you ask me, the real reason you like this gig is because you get to spend all your time with Lance.” Hunk emphasised his statement with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

Pidge glared at Hunk. “Don’t make me change my mind.”

“That wasn’t a no,” Hunk singsonged.

Pidge was about to respond only to let out a cough.

“You alright?”

“It’s nothing,” Pidge replied.

****

Wednesday morning was somewhat easier for Lance. The day’s Inator came in mostly assembled. So now all he had to do was wait for Pidge to arrive.

An hour later still had no Pidge. He was starting to worry. Just then, his phone rang. He answered for only to have his ear fill with the noise of hacking.

“Hey Lance,” Katie said in between coughs. “Sorry I can't make game night.”

“Jeez Katie, you don’t sound good.”

“It’s fine, just gotta rest up and I’ll recover soon.” She let out more coughs.

After hanging up with his friend, Lance felt conflicting emotions swirling in his chest. He really wanted to check on Katie, but he was also meant to be trying to take over the city in time to get thwarted.

It certainly was a dilemma.

****

Allura the Altruist was on her way home from stopping her nemesis when she got a call from Coran.

“Great work, Agent A. Though would you stopping by Lance McClain Evil Inc? Agent P is not feeling well.”

“Right away, Coran.”

Flying her car over to Lance’s evil lair, she parked her car on the roof and dropped elegantly through the sky light, ready to battle. To her surprise, the lair was completely abandoned. She then noticed a large device in plain sight with a note attached.

Dear Pidge,

Sorry I can’t be there. Had to go check on a sick friend. I’ve marked out the self destruct button. See you tomorrow.

Lance McClain

P.S. Curse you, Pidge the Paladin!

Against her better judgement, Allura pressed the marked out button. As she left the ruins of the lair, she couldn’t help but wonder if O.W.C.A should reassess Lance’s threat level.

****

“Here you are, Katie,” Lance said as he carried in a steaming bowl of soup.

“Thank you,” the sick girl wheezed as she took the soup. “You didn’t have to come over to take care of me. Don’t you have work?”

“It's all good,” Lance said dismissively. “I’ve got it covered. Besides, I wouldn’t leave you hanging.”

Katie blushed. If asked, she would claim it was fever.

****

On Thursday, a recovered Pidge arrived at Lance McClain Evil Incorporated, refreshed and ready for a day of thwarting. She flew in through an open window. As she arrived in the lair, she realised Lance wasn’t there.

“Er...hello?”

“Pidge! I’ll be right there,” Lance called out before coughing.

A dishevelled and ill-looking Lance stepped into the lair. He was still in his pyjamas and his lab coat was crooked.

“What a...an unexpected sur…” Lance started coughing again. “Sorry, think I might’ve caught something from my friend.”

Pidge looked at Lance in dismay. “You should be in bed,” she scolded.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Lance insisted. “So, behold my… achoo!.... Latest invention the...Something...inator!��

Lance gestured towards a crate that was barely even opened.

“With this I...shall take over the...world.” Lance’s half-hearted speech was shot through with more coughing.

“Lance, seriously, go to bed. I can come back and stop you tomorrow.”

“No, I flaked on you yesterday. I’m not going to do it twice.” Lance raised his fists, staggering slightly as he fought to keep balance. “Thwart me if you dare.”

Rather than fight, Pidge took hold of his hand and dragged him to the kitchen. She pushed him into a chair and silently heated up a can of chicken soup. She plopped the bowl in front of him and said, “Eat.” After making him eat all of it, she hauled him to his bedroom. She took off his lab coat and pushed him into his bed.

“There,” she quipped as she draped a blanket over him. “I’ve thwarted you. Now get some rest.”

“Curse you Pidge the...zzzzz,” Lance was asleep before he was even able to finish his sentence.

Not too long after, Katie arrived to check up on Lance.

****

Friday came as Pidge arrived at the hideout.

“Ah Pidge the Paladin, so nice to see you,” Lance greeted. “Sorry about dropping the ball the last couple of days. Still, I promise to make up for it as I unleash my TRINITY OF TERROR!”

There was a dramatic orchestra and flashes of lightning.

“Head office finally approved your effects budget?” PIdge asked.

“Why yes, thank you for noticing. Anyhoo, behold! The Degravitinator!” Lance held out a handheld, ray-gun-looking device. “Capable of disrupting the personal gravity of its victims. Behold the Plantinator!” He gestured towards a device with a large antenna. “Capable of sending out a pulse that will cause all the plants in the city area to grow at an uncontrollable rate. And finally the DX7J.” He pointed to a large cubic machine. “Capable of...something equally evil, I guess.” He noticed Pidge’s raising eyebrow. “Cut me some slack, not only did I have to finish building yesterday’s device, head office sent me two inators instead of one today. It's a miracle I know what the first two do.”

“And you had time to set up the special effects?”

“Look, are we going to fight or waste time criticizing my workplace priorities?”

Lance jumped back just in time to dodge a right hook from Pidge. He aimed the ray gun at Pidge and fired. Pidge jumped out of the way, narrowing missing the purple ray that shot out. The ray instead hit a nearby couch. It glowed purple as it started to float. Lance continued firing at Pidge. The agent kept ducking until a desk, several crates and a metal barrel were floating.

“Darn it!” Lance muttered. “Why didn’t they put a decent sight on this thing?”

Pidge leapt onto a floating crate, hoping to get high ground. She leapt to another crate to avoid the ray. She finally lunged at Lance with a flying kick. The kick hit Lance squarely in the chest before he could let out another shot. He fell back to the ground and accidentally pulled the trigger.

A purple beam shot out and hit the Plantinator. The Inator started to float in the air. Seeing her opportunity, Pidge kicked with all her might. It flew out the open balcony door. It then came to a rest between the two buildings.

Both Lance and Pidge stared at the floating Inator.

“Honestly, I wasn’t sure I was expecting,” Pidge admitted.

“Well, we can’t leave that out there,” Lance said. “Eventually, the ray will wear off, and it'll fall onto incoming traffic. I already got a citation for what happened with the Vapourmatroninator. I don’t need another.”

“Fair enough, any ideas?”

“Do you have your grappling gun?”

“In shop getting a tune up. You?”

“The winch on mine broke and I’m still waiting for the replacement to arrive. How about your hover car?”

“Came here on the moped today.”

“Fair enough.”

Lance turned a dial on the ray gun and aimed it at the floating Inator. He fired a red ray that vapourised the floating inator.

“That thing has a disintegrator setting?” Pidge asked in shock.

“Yeah, you really think that would be the main feature of this thing.”

“If it could do that, then why were you bothering with the gravity setting?”

“I’m not firing a disintegrator ray in my own lair,” Lance said indignantly.

“That’s surprisingly responsible of you.”

“Thank you.”

“Still got to destroy it.”

“Fair enough,” Lance replied as he turned the ray gun back to gravity mode.

Lance spun round, firing the ray gun at Pidge. Pidge dropped and sweeped out Lance’s legs, causing him fall flat on his back. “Nice move,” Lance said, winded but clearly impressed.

“Thanks.”

Pidge picked up the nearby raygun and smashed it against the handrail. She then started to head back inside to deal with the DX7J only for Lance to snatch her foot, tripping her up.

Lance scurried to place himself between Pidge and the DX7J.

What followed was another fist fight. Lance was holding his own until Pidge hit him with kick to the gut, knocking him backwards.

Lance bumped into the DX7J, turning it on. Sounds of moving parts and sloshing liquid echoed in the machine. Shortly afterwards, there was a loud ding and a small hatch on the device opened to reveal a cup of steaming liquid.

Curious, Lance picked up the cup and sniffed it. He then proceeded to take a sip, much to the panic of Pidge.

“False alarm,” Lance said. “This isn’t an Inator. It’s the coffee machine I ordered.”

“You ordered a coffee machine?”

“Yeah, and not just any coffee machine. This is top of the line, does everything from expressos to cappuccinos.”

“That sounds pricey.”

“I charged it to the head office,” Lance replied. “They’re an evil organisation trying to take over the world - the least they can do is fuel my caffeine addiction.” He proceeded to take another sip from his coffee.

Pidge nodded; she couldn’t really fault the logic.

“Wait, does that mean I already thwarted you?” She questioned.

Lance paused his drinking.

“Huh...I guess so...Oh well. CURSE YOU, PIDGE THE PALADIN!” He hollered before returning to his normal tone. “Do you want a coffee for the road? I’ve got a travel mug I can lend you.”

“Can that machine do a Chai Latte?”

Lance scoffed. “Do you honestly think I would charge my boss top dollar for a coffee machine that couldn’t do Chai Lattes?”

****

“So glad we managed to switch game night,” Lance said as he brought in a bowl of chips.

“I’m just glad neither of us are mucus factories anymore,” Pidge commented.

“I’m just glad I didn’t catch it,” Hunk commented. “So care to explain how all that stuff is floating?”

“Today’s evil invention was an antigravity ray.”

“Antigravity ray?” Hunk repeated in surprise. “How does that work?”

“I aimed the ray gun, pulled the trigger and then whatever got zapped with it would start floating.”

“No, I mean…” Hunk paused as the realisation of who he was talking to struck. “Nevermind.”

“I don’t get what the end game was,” Pidge commented “As cool as it is, I just don’t get how your bosses expected you to take over the world with an antigravity ray.”

“They don’t really look at how so much as they just throw whatever random idea that comes to them at me and wait to see what happens.” Lance explained. “I’m still not sure how I was supposed to take over the world with an iguana cannon.”

“Buddy, you really need to get out of this gig,” Hunk affirmed.

“Would love to, but we all know that’s not going to happen until my contract expires. Besides it's not so bad. I set my own hours, I don’t pay rent on this place and I now have a coffee machine. Speaking of coffee, you guys want one? It's pretty good.”

“I’m good,” Hunk said.

“Chai Latte, please,” Pidge requested absentmindedly.

Lance paused and stared at Pidge suspiciously.

“How do you know it can do Chai Lattes?”

“Would you honestly invest in a coffee machine that couldn’t do Chai Lattes?”

Lance let out a laugh.

“You got me there. One Chai Latte coming up."

As Lance went over to the coffee machine, Hunk turned to Pidge.

“You know, eventually, he is going to figure it out.”

“Agree to disagree,” Pidge replied as she watched Lance come back with her latte.

Lance handed to the latte to her. As she took a sip, Lance spoke.

“So guys, I’ve been wondering. Should I invite Pidge to join us for games night?”

PIdge did a spit take.

“Sorry,” she sputtered. “It’s a little hot.”

Hunk kept his composure.

“You want to invite the person whose job is to kick your butt on a daily basis to games night?”

“Alright firstly, I can hold my own just fine.”

“Have you ever stopped her from destroying your stuff?”

“Well, no, but that’s not the point,” Lance argued. “Neither of us take the whole thwarting thing personally, and she’s the closest thing I have to a work colleague that I actually like.”

“You like her?” Pidge asked, not really sure how to process this.

“Well sure, she’s skilled, self assured, witty and honestly kind of a badass,” Lance replied.

“She also wails on you almost every time you face off,” Hunk added.

“No one’s perfect,” Lance replied. “Come on, what could it hurt to ask her? If she says yes, it will be a chance to get to know her better.”

“If you feel so strongly, I think you should do it,” Pidge replied.

“What?” Hunk said in dismay.

“Great, next time I see her I’ll ask,” He looked down and realised his hands were empty. “Whoops, forgot my coffee.”

As he went to get it, Hunk turned back to Pidge.

“I know this week has been full of shocking revelations, but how do you plan to be two places at once?”

“I won’t have to,” Pidge replied. “I’ll simply say that O.W.C.A. forbids me from fraternising with supervillains outside of work.”

“You know that’s only going to be a temporary fix.”

“It will do for now,” Pidge replied. “I’ll cross that bridge when I reach it.”

“Yup,” Hunk replied. “Keep telling yourself that.”

[calligraphist-artemisia]

Across Time and Space (Chapter 15 - Final)

Summary: Sequel to I’ll Take Her Place.  Slav is showing off a piece of experimental equipment, when it malfunctions and blasts Katie and Keithir to another universe. At the same time, it drags Pidge and Keith over into theirs, effectively swapping places. With their fate resting in the hands of Slav, will they be able to get back home? Or are they stuck to live the rest of their lives in the wrong universe?

Also posted on AO3 and fanfiction.net under the username “kishirokitsune”.

–

Here we are at the very final chapter. A big THANK YOU to everyone who has reblogged or liked chapters over the course of this fic. And a bigger thank you to anyone who has left a comment on some of them! I know I’m not the best at responding on here, but I do read and cherish all of them. With this chapter up, the poll is now closed! Next up on my list of Kidge fics to write is the one shot "Instinct", so keep on the look out for that. As far as the next multi-chapter goes, it's a secret. ;) I will say, that it will be fun and set in a non-canon universe.

Chapter 15

Keith comfortably sat on the couch in the paladin lounge, one arm holding a tablet so he could help review possible battle strategies and the other draped lightly across the back of the couch where Pidge sat and was scanning over the latest attempt at integrating Altean tech into Garrison fighter-class ships. If he glanced over, he could see a header which read: “Mecha Flex Exofighter – Prototype 0.8”.

“Do you ever want to just punch Lotor in his stupid, smug face?” Pidge asked, completely unsolicited. She dropped her tablet into her lap and threw back her head in a display of pent up frustration.

Keith set aside his work in a more gentle manner. “You know I do. What's going on now?”

“Nothing. It's just the usual,” Pidge grumbled. “Going on about how the Galra need quintessence and looking into the rift in the remains of Daibazaal is the best way to do that, even though Shiro's pointed out a number of times that without the war, the Galra don't have a need for that much quintessence. I think it's the only reason Allura hasn't given in and started to help him. Well, that and Lance redirecting her to whatever issue the Garrison is having in figuring out how Altean technology works.

“I just wish we didn't have to have him around, even if he has been useful.” Pidge sighed and tipped her head to the side, her hair just barely brushing against Keith's shoulder.

“Best to keep him where we can keep an eye on him,” he recited, trying not to focus on how close she was. Just a few more centimeters...

Pidge grinned and sat up straight so she could playfully nudge him. “Now you sound like Shiro.”

“Does that mean you'll listen to me?”

“Ha! Not a chance!”

The door slid open and they quickly separated as Krolia and Travis walked in. Keith blushed and removed his arm from the back of the couch, pointedly looking away as his heartbeat quickened.

Krolia raised an eyebrow, but said nothing about how closely they were sitting, which Keith was grateful for. He still wasn't sure what was going on between him and Pidge and he appreciated the room everyone was giving them to figure it out on their own.

“Is everything alright?” Pidge asked.

“We got a message from Slav askin' us to meet him here,” Travis explained. “I'm guessin' he's not here yet.”

Keith wondered if he had an appropriate excuse to leave before Slav arrived, but couldn't think of a single one that his parents wouldn't immediately see through. It was a talent his dad had been surprisingly bad at in the beginning, whereas it took his mom roughly two weeks to figure it out.

It was hard to believe it had only been one year since everything in his life changed for the better. Shiro was back to his old self. He had both of his parents in his life. A close friendship with Pidge. The respect of Commander Iverson and other officers of the Galaxy Garrison – which had always felt like an impossibility.

Pidge picked up her tablet. “I should get back to the lab and see what Hunk thinks about the flaxum assembly. There have been some concerns about it coming loose during flight and I need to run some ideas by him.”

“Nice try, but you and I both know Hunk's with your mom talking about solutions for food production in space,” Keith said, stopping her before she could stand up. If he had to deal with Slav, so did she.

Pidge slumped back. “Just wait until it's my turn to design another holo-deck exercise.”

“I look forward to it.”

He knew she meant it as a form of revenge for making her stay, but he genuinely enjoyed the programs she created so far, even the ones he failed at. Each one had its own challenge and unique solution.

Keith's favorite so far was the one most hated by everyone else who tried it. (Except, amusingly, his mom and Kolivan – maybe it was a Galra thing.) It was a ninety minute obstacle course which Lance nicknamed “The Death Gauntlet”. Between the various traps, the training robot stalking the participant through a maze, the portion run in complete darkness, and a half dozen other tasks, it was little wonder that most people failed halfway through. And even if they did complete it, no one managed it in the intended ninety minutes, though Shiro came the closest on his third attempt and got his time down to one-hundred-and-three minutes.

“It will be worse than the Death Gauntlet,” Pidge warned, jostling him from his thoughts.

“You heard about Lance's name for it, huh?” Keith asked.

“Kind of hard not to when everyone calls it that now,” Pidge said with a shrug. “Anyway, you're really not going to like the next one. I've gotten requests for a team-building version of it and while I could just copy the original and add the allowance of more than one participant, that would be boring.”

Keith nodded in agreement. It would be boring, not just for Pidge, but for him as well, even if it did require working with an unknown team.

“But if you're nice to me, maybe I can swing it so you're with someone who takes it seriously, like Shiro,” Pidge tried to bribe him.

As long as it wasn't Griffin, Keith figured he'd survive. Luckily, everyone knew that it wasn't an option as the last time.

The door slid open a second time and Slav shuffled inside, his arms laden with an unfortunately familiar machine.

Pidge went still next to Keith. “Why do you have that?”

Krolia and Travis exchanged worried looks, keeping their distance from Slav as he made his way to the table and set it down. He began pushing buttons and flipping switches.

“Slav, why do you have that?” Pidge asked a second time. “I thought you destroyed it because it's too dangerous to keep around.”

“Don't worry, it's perfectly safe!” Slav cheerily assured them.

Maybe Keith should have let Pidge go after all. Or rolled with her excuse to leave and made up a reason to go with her. His parents probably would have let him.

The trans-reality extrapolater hummed to life and a blue light began to shine from the top, causing the space above it to waver. After a few seconds, an image began to form – a figure with dark hair and pale purple skin.

Travis stepped closer. “Keithir?”

The image solidified until it was clear that it was Keithir, who appeared to be trying to speak to them. Travis walked over until he was standing in front of the machine, at which point a second blue light began emitting from the side and scanned him up and down.

“Dad?” Keithir's voice came through. “Can you hear me? Slav, are you sure this thing is working correctly?”

“There's nothing wrong with my machine!”

Travis chuckled. “I can hear you, but I don't understand. I thought...” He paused to shake his head. “It's good to see you again.”

Keithir smiled back at him; a smile which grew broader as Krolia joined Travis in front of the machine. “We asked Slav to hold off on destroying it and helped him get it to work the way he intended. This is... this is our last chance. It was a risk waiting this long.”

“But one worth it,” Katie said off-screen.

Keithir shifted aside to let his wife step into frame next to him. In her arms, wrapped in a deep purple blanket, was a baby with the faintest fuzz of  black hair on top of her head and the trace of darkening markings up each cheek.

Pidge breathed out softly, reaching for Keith's arm.

“We'd like you to meet your granddaughter, Princess Krolia of Daibazaal.”

[b-kitsune]

Many ways to say I love you: Day Sixteen.

Kidge-a-palooza 2019 Prompt: Incompetent. Pairing: Kidge (VLD) Universe: Victorian!AU. Status: Part 3/4

Matt was reading a new novel he found in the corners of the house, while patiently waiting for the door of the corridor to open at any moment on news. The atmosphere in the room was tense and considerably anxious, where his family and those closest to him barely breathed in anticipation. He could see his father talking outside the terrace with Mr. Kogane and his brother-in-law, Lieutenant Kolivan, a man of great bearing and an undaunted face, who at that moment was suffering from a severe look at the anxiety of the situation. Around him, Hunk and Lance were sitting talking about the banalities of country life, trying in some way to calm the sorrows of his brother-in-law, who hadn't stopped observing the door at any time as soon as the women closed it in the instant that Katie started with the first contractions.

It was a terrible environment, but Matt had the incredible ability to keep calm in situations that escaped his own hands.

Like at that moment, while they waited for the news about the condition of his beloved younger sister, who was in labor for many hours. He looked up to see the central gardens, the sky had already darkened and wondered naively if that would affect his expected nephew in any way.

''Hey.'' Matt looked up to find Shiro at his side, a little nervous with his arms crossed. ''Do you want to accompany me to take a short walk around?''

''Of course.''

He raised from a soft movement leaving the book half-read on a nearby piece of furniture when they made their way into the corridors to give a charming view of the central gardens of the McClain house. Neither his father nor his friends made any comment about it, assuming there were still several hours of waiting before they knew about Katie and her expected son.

They walked for long minutes in silence appreciating the art of the vast gardens in the surroundings. While Lance McClain was a guy of eccentric tastes and unorthodox behavior for someone in his category, Matt could recognize that his delight in gardening was exquisite and impeccable. Around shrubs and flowers of varied origin, large ponds and fountains adorned their way like a large canvas of fantasy. They could both understand why Allura really enjoyed visiting Lance during her free time, independent of her alleged romantic interest in recent months.

Shiro sighed heavily as they stopped in a pond, watching as some small fishes swirled around the corners in search of food.

''I'm worried, Matt. '' Said Shiro crestfallen, Matt took advantage of the absence of employees around him to rest his head on the outline of his shoulder. ''I'm afraid for the life of Katie and her son.''

''Everybody does.'' He answered in a whisper. Shiro looked at him for a few seconds, seeing a soft smile on his face as he watched the water. ''Keith has not stopped observing that door since the maids closed it.''

''Did you don't? It's your sister we're talking about.'' He questioned incredulously to the tranquility of his voice. ''Already suffered a terrible loss at the beginning of their marriage.''

''I don't know Shiro, I just feel that Katie will be able to do it this time.''

When he and his family heard from Keith about the new pregnancy many months ago, the news had hit them badly in the first weeks, especially Matt. Who had accompanied his dear Katie during the hardships before the loss of her first child while her husband was on the outskirts of the city, ignorant of what happened. They had been terrible days, and Matt felt helpless to not get rid of the pain in the heart of his beloved little sister.

But now, when the screams were heard inside the room where Katie rested, Matt was the only man able to stay calm as a gentleman of his class. Since he and his family arrived at Lance's estate in the vicinity of the delivery a few weeks ago, he could see that Katie's mood, along with her weight, improved considerably, with a big belly that highlighted the last weeks of pregnancy of her long-awaited son. And while there was still danger during childbirth because of her delicate body, Matt was sure his sister could handle it.

Inside, he sensed that everything would be fine.

''Little Kogane-Holt has reached the end of the weeks of gestation, and all the women, including my dear mother, are helping Katie get it.'' Shrugged Matt.  ''There are more than fifteen people inside that room, my dear sister couldn't be more protected.''

Shiro hummed according to his words, after meditating a few seconds.

''I hope Keith could see it that way.''

''Oh, Shiro.'' Matt kissed the outline of his cheek. Funny at his words. ''I'm pretty sure if he spends a single minute more without anyone leaving the room, Keith will break down that door.''

 ...

 Keith felt incompetent.

They had spent so many hours waiting for some resolution about Katie's condition outside the room, that Keith felt it like long days. Not even Lance and Hunk managed to cheer him up while talking about banalities and news in the capital. How could he, take a few minutes of rest, while his wife was in labor a few inches from his place, and wasn't able to do anything for her at all?

Even if he had the opportunity to peek into the room for a few seconds to know Katie's condition, his mother and sister would hit him as invasive. Keith knew he was being impatient and overly dramatic, but he couldn't help but worry about her...

Through the months, his wife's health improved considerably as they spent time with Lance and Allura, who decided to visit them during Katie's stay to help her with whatever she needed now that she was pregnant with a healthy child. His wife enjoyed so much welfare around her to the point that she was able to do any kind of work without any problem on her own, even at the expense of the big belly she gained thanks to the good growth of her first child.

One night, while she caressed her belly with sweetness and Keith read a letter sent from his father to let him know about the news of the company, Katie told him that she wanted to forget her first pregnancy forever. Since the memory only brought pain and suffering, along with the constant fear of not being able to give birth. Keith could not deny her anything at that moment, seeing her so fragile and vulnerable as her eyes shone with longing for that child that grew inside her, so healthy and strong. So they decided to consider him as their firstborn.

Several times during the day and especially during the night, Keith would hold her while he listened to her sing, touching her belly with deep longing. Talking about their gender and the names they could give. They never managed to agree on what they expected, Keith longed for a daughter to teach her about hunting and the values ​​of his family, while Katie prayed to the heavens that it was a boy, for not to suffer the same sorrows that she lived with her mother in her younger ages. Keith just laughed listening to her family stories.

He had promised to Katie when she began to feel the first contractions, that he would behave just outside the room. But Keith could only breathe as panic hit him with every second that passed.

After a few minutes, when Shiro and Matt returned from their brief walk through the corridors of Lance's home, they heard loud cries that echoed on the walls of the house, Keith knew it was his wife, but even when his chest seemed to break before the supposition of a deep pain of his beloved, he wasn't allowed to enter until everything was in order. Keith moaned in frustration, but he paid attention to his mother's words.

He had to believe that Katie and his son were in good hands. He had promised to her.

The maids came and went quickly without mentioning anything that happened inside, and when he saw the sheets full of blood carried by one of the women, he completely chilled his skin. Shiro and his father decided to move him towards a chair so that he could rest, the color of his face was as pale as snow, and his body trembled with worry.

A deeper and heartbreaking cry made even Matt, who remained with extreme temperance at all times, made him look away in a panic to the room, where some women began to carry large amounts of hot water giving orders with extreme urgency. Keith couldn't stand it anymore. He moved his foot furiously while his father's hand on his shoulders didn't allow it to rise abruptly.

Another cry more painful made Keith stand up strongly, against the indications of his father and Shiro, who was no less reassured than him.

''I'm going in.'' He said hurriedly, but Kolivan, his maternal uncle, prevented him by placing himself in front of the door, with a calculating, but understanding look at the concern he was experiencing. ''Please, Kolivan, I ask you to understand that I'm afraid for Katie's well-being, I need you to move away.''

''No, you need to calm down, boy.'' He answered placing one of his hands on his shoulder. Keith groaned desperately, clenching his fists. ''You will not make any change inside the room, just wait.''

He wanted to refute his words with fury, to hit him and to make his way through the doors listening to the screams inside. But Keith was only able to nod like a reprimanded child.

After long minutes of silence, Allura left the room with a pause. Alerting all present by getting up quickly from their positions. She smiled happily, taking Keith's hand gently.

''Congratulations Keith, is a healthy and strong boy like his parents.'' Soon the room was filled with great puffs of relief and congratulations to his back. Keith felt he could finally breathe after many hours. And the knot in his stomach dissolved quickly. ''Katie is still delicate, but you can enter for a few minutes, you have to let her rest.''

''Thanks, Allura.''

He hugged her tightly and went inside, careful not to trip over a maid or friend who helped in the delivery of his wife, who were still leaving the room in a hurry, but with a pleasant smile as they congratulated him around. The light was dim, being illuminated only by a few candles.

There, in the bed he shared with his beloved wife, he saw his mother and Colleen taking Katie's hands and dictating words of comfort and relief. She looked exhausted and sweaty as if she had run a long distance, but Keith couldn't blame her for having spent hours in a great fight.

Katie smiled at him as soon as she saw him approaching, the women got up to give them the space they needed, but not before being kissed by his mother in a quick movement, Keith accepted her gratefully for all the work.

When he was by her side, he could see that her lap a small bundle moved just to recognize that he was alive. Keith's tears began to fall as soon as he saw the hair so characteristic of his wife on a small reddened head. He was a healthy child, Allura had told him, but Keith couldn't help thinking that he was the smallest and most delicate thing he had seen in the whole world. Katie laughed briefly as soon as she saw the first tears of her beloved, taking one of her hands.

''We made it...'' Katie said just in a soft whisper. Keith smiled happily kissing her lips, they felt somewhat dry to touch them. ''Our first son.''

''First?'' Keith questioned amused, sitting on the side of the bed. ''Do you want to go through this torment again? I was dying of worry out there.''

''I don't doubt it; you've always been a bit dramatic.'' The little boy moaned uncomfortably; Katie tried to fit him a little more in her arms.

''It seems that our little one is defending my integrity.'' Katie smiled burlesque at his words.

''Of course he does, he made a terrible show before he was born. My mother said that he wasn't in an adequate position during childbirth.''

''What a terrible situation you have lived, dear.'' Keith said, drying his cheeks with one of his hands. Katie, however, swallowed heavily.

''For a few seconds, I thought I would die of pain. One of the nurses told me that bringing a child to the world is an act of survival. I had never been so in agreement in all my life.'' Keith nodded in agreement with her words, caressing the thin hair of the head of his son.

''Allura told me not to take up much of your time. Do you want me to let you rest?''

''No, not yet.'' Katie answered, somewhat sleepy, but with one of her hands firmly in the arms of her beloved. ''Stay close to me, a little more.'' Keith smiled melancholy as he saw her fall more and more defeated, but without moving away from his touch, his beloved wife gave a strong battle. The least he could do was fulfill all his wishes.

''All the time you want, Katie.''

Keith saw her fall into a deep sleep after a few minutes. After that night, watching his wife dreaming along with his firstborn son, they would begin a new life with the responsibilities of a family. While Keith heard the laughter outside the room of his family and friends, he couldn't feel more fortunate in his entire life.

[xfirechickx]

Arrow Rewrite

So I’ve (finally) caught up with the latest seasons of all the DCTV shows on Netflix, and to the utter surprise of no one, including myself, Arrow has definitely not gotten any better since the first two seasons, and the only good thing that’s come out of this train wreck of a show since killing off the Black Canary, is bringing Katie Cassidy back as the Black Siren. But still, to say that this show is a huge disappointment is a gross understatement, so much so, that the only reason I still watch is for Katie and for the annual crossovers. But, to actually make keeping up with the show tolerable, I had to pretty much mentally rewrite most of the show and headcanon the shit out of it, and make my way through with all the denial I can manage. So, this is how I like to pretend that the show actually went. And even though I doubt anyone will read this - this is more for my getting my thoughts down -  bear in mind, this is super anti F*licity with all the nolicity feelings I have. Also, after reading a whole bunch of posts with the same feelings as me, this became a sort of mashed clusterfuck of ideas that came together from everywhere.

SO first of all, Laurel is a metahuman, you know, like she should have been. What the fuck was the idea behind not giving her actual powers? That’s just stupid. So yeah, either Laurel was in Central City when the particle accelerator exploded, or some other freak accident gave her the canary cry. I don’t care how it happened, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that Laurel is the team’s meta, and it caused her to want to don a mask even before Sara was killed.

Next, I’d like to think that she got the hang of street fighting a lot faster. Like, I appreciate that it took her awhile to be able to handle herself on the streets, but this “Oliver is the best fighter” mindset is absolute bullshit. Ik we’ve all been thinking of the Arrow as a bargain-bin Batman (and the horrendous bullet we dodged that was the mere suggestion that F*licity could ever be anything close to Oracle didn’t help), but I am so sick of Oliver’s fighting abilities being thought of as if he was the freaking Batman. Bullshit. I’ll admit, Oliver can fight and hold his own; he’d have to to be a vigilante facing down supervillains on a constant basis, that’s fine. But the Black Canary is one of the best fighters in the DC universe, and I will be damned if that was never acknowledged here. 

So the way I see it, Laurel not only kept up with Oliver and Roy while on patrol, but after he came back from his new life in Ivy Town, Oliver comes to realize that she’s actually better than him. Like, I want them to be out on the field, and she’s literally outdoing him at every turn. And at first, he’s all, “Damn, I must be a bit rusty,” but it becomes clear after a couple more episodes, when he no longer has that excuse, that she’s actually running circles around him, whether it’s on patrol or while they’re sparring. In fact, I want an entire scene of them sparring in the bunker, and as distracted as everyone else is doing their own thing, everyone can clearly see that she’s holding back, and Oliver thinks that her head’s just not in it.

Oliver: Come on, I know you can do better than that!

Laurel: Nah, it’s okay. This is a good pace.

Oliver: Come on, you’ll never get better if you don’t give it your all. Let me have it!

And then she brutally knocks him on his ass.

“Lucky shot,” he grumbles as he gets up and gets ready for another round, and Laurel has a look on her face that’s almost annoyed, but honestly, she’s been waiting for forever to knock him down a peg. Diggle, Thea, and Roy are trying not to laugh in the background.

And speaking of Thea and Roy, holy shit, Roy doesn’t leave! Whoever came up with that idea needs a good smack. Team Arrow comes up with literally any other plan and Roy fucking stays! Thea, is instead given the mantle Artemis with her own outfit. Yeah, ik it still wouldn’t give us the Artemis Crock storyline, but it’s still better than the Evelyn Sharp bullshit that we ended up with. We currently have two tech geniuses on the team, what’s wrong with three archers? They could continue having their relationship ups and downs as subplots as the show goes on. I would even like that at some point, they decide to get their own place together, and Thea decides to sell her old apartment (you know, the one she was brutally stabbed in) to afford a nice one with Roy. And I would like F*licity try in vain to hide how much of an asshole she is by getting all indignant about it. Like, Thea offers to sell it to F*licity first, but she tries to spin it like, “You didn’t want it anymore, so I took it, so it’s mine now?” And everyone’s like, “What? No, that’s literally her apartment, which she bought with her father’s money? Idk how the hell it came to be thought of as yours anyway?” And she eventually has to break down and either buy it or move out because Thea and Roy have their hearts set on getting their own place.

As far as nolicity goes, I always thought that they would at some point have a brief relationship (a ship that I originally didn’t care for, but quickly became my ultimate notp) which would be doomed from the start due to having little to no romantic chemistry, and even though F*licity definitely had a strong sexual attraction to Oliver, she mostly seemed to view him as an older brother; or at least, Oliver viewed her as a slightly annoying younger sister.

But because of Guggenheim’s constant interference, the will-they-won’t-they crap just kept dragging on and on and on until holy fuck I have negative five care points to spend on these two assholes, just give me more BC! Their relationship has to be the most boring aspect of the show, something that’s definitely not helped by the fact that F*licity is an emotionally abusive and manipulative piece of shit Mary Sue. Seriously, for the amount of times that she’s been really vocal about how hypocritical and controlling she is, it just boggles the mind how few times anyone has called her out for it. I say few, because it has happened before, twice I believe, once by Oliver, who calmly insisted, “Enough,” and once by Ray Palmer after she threw his dead fiance in his face. Classy lady, isn’t she? But the farther this show goes on, the more she gets away with and the more infuriating it is that Oliver becomes the bad guy in her place. And holy shit the fact that literally everyone needs to assure Oliver - and the audience - that they are, in Guggenheim’s world, the perfect couple. I honestly can’t tell anymore if he actually believes this, and is just trying to shove his own weird obsession with EBR down everyone else’s throats, or if he’s just trying to get those of us who don’t like the ship to come to the dark side. Either way, I’m not buying any of this shit. SO, for every time that there’s a character to remind everyone how “good” Oliver and F*licity are together, take a shot, and then block out their words and then replace them with various observances and reassurances on Oliver’s behalf. I’d like to think that those closest to him, like Diggle, Laurel, and Thea were totally ready to call F*licity out on her shit whenever she started taking things out on Oliver, but he would subtly shake his head and calmly assure them later on that “F*licity’s right, I’m wrong. But no really guys, we’re totally happy together, I’d just appreciate it if you guys not confront her because she’s the queen of right on every subject ever and I’m just lucky to be with her.” 

And the rest of Team Arrow just reluctantly agrees not to say anything unless Oliver is the one to bring up that he has a problem with her, but are totally ready to throw down at moment’s notice. Even people outside of Team Arrow notice it and tend to comment, with characters like Mick and Constantine on the crass side of the spectrum with phrases like “Does she occasionally let you take your balls out of her purse?” and more sensitive words from people like Barry and Sara, who actually try to get it through his head that, despite what F*licity says, not everything is his fault, and he does not deserve to be kicked around by her over situations that he had little to no control over (Samantha and William, anyone?)

And then there’s Damien Darhk. Hoo boy, my hate towards him killing Laurel burns with the fury of a thousand suns. There was literally no reason for it, you know, besides eliminating her as a threat to Nolicity. Except, she wasn’t even a threat?? It was pretty clear that Laurel and Oliver weren’t even considering a romantic relationship, and even I, as a hardcore GA/BC shipper, didn’t even want them to get back together at this point. Despite the unintentional victimization of Oliver, Laurel absolutely did not deserve any of his shit. So, as much as I wished that F*licity was the one who died, Laurel was still targeted by Darhk in order to get back at Lance, but she doesn’t just die and that’s it! She gets to be critically injured - getting intentionally stabbed by a former member of the League of Assassins tends to be pretty life-threatening - but she does get to heal while in the hospital and make it back out onto the field to continue as BC.

Hell, I’d even be okay with her actually dying that night if, and only if, they brought her back. For a universe based on superhero comic books, Guggenheim and company seemed to have totally forgotten (or just outright ignored) how often characters get brought back from the dead, at times in pretty nonsensical ways. But here, there was a way to conceivably bring her back; there were three in fact: In Arrow, the Lazarus pits would have been available; Flash could have brought her back with the introduction of Flashpoint, or you know, Sara, who happens to captain a fucking timeship could have brought her back, either by manipulating the timeline, or by pulling a Kingsmen II and had just shown up right after Darhk stabbed Laurel to revive her. I would’ve happily gone along with Team Arrow believing that Laurel was dead if the plot twist was that the Legends brought her aboard the Waverider so that Gideon could heal her.

Sidenote: ik that this would have never have happened simply because all of the Arrowverse shows have to check in with each other to some degree so that they’re all on the same page, but wouldn’t it have been absolutely fan-fucking-tastic if, after Arrow had confirmed that BC was for sure dead and wasn’t coming back, that Flash and LoT just totally undermined it. Like, if Laurel was brought back with either Flashpoint or the Waverider, and KC’s just hanging out on a different set while Arrow just tries its damnedest to discredit them?

Arrow: She’s dead.

Flash/LoT: Well she was, but she got better.

Arrow: She’s def not coming back.

Flash/LoT: Not until you learn to be nice to her anyway.

Arrow: She’s not the real Laurel. Our Laurel is D E A D

Flash/LoT: Nope, this is definitely her, and she’s going on cool adventures with us because SHE’S A DAMN GOOD CHARACTER AND YOU DICKBAGS NEVER DESERVED HER

All the while more of Arrow’s fans flock to every show except Arrow until the assholes in charge of the decision to kill Laurel finally have to (publicly) beg to have her back because literally no one will watch their shitty show anymore without BC, and then they’re forced to respect her character and give her a fair amount of screen time. That would just be poetic justice in my book.

So as season 5 kicks off, Oliver, Roy, AND Laurel take in and train the new recruits to join Team Arrow. I don’t have much to change about this season except that since Laurel isn’t dead, and as much as I like Juliana Harkavy, there’s literally no reason to bring in Dinah Drake. Also the shared hallucination in the Invasion! crossover partially rekindles the romance between Laurel and Oliver, which actually feels pretty heartfelt and like it could possibly lead to them getting back together for real. 

And then F*licity ruins it because that’s what she does.

F*licity and Oliver get back together and things progress normally, with the rest of Team Arrow quietly building up a resentment towards the abusiveness of their relationship. I’d also like to think that since Curtis had progressed as a team member, that there’s a slight undertone of “what is she even here for anymore?” among them. Like, whenever she butts in with her hypocritical opinions, someone else will actually step in like, “Hey, you’ve had a long day, so why don’t you go ahead and go home. Don’t worry, Curtis knows what he’s doing, so we’ve got this. Yes, we’ll call you if we need something, but don’t worry. You’ve worked hard today! You deserve a break!” Meanwhile, the rest of the team is literally patching themselves back together with bandages and whatnot, blood and sweat everywhere, all giving each other The Look™ when she nods like, “Yeah, you’re right, I could use a hot meal and a shower. Plus, this tracking system is so simple an idiot could use it, just try not to fuck it up while I’m gone.” Still, no one says anything because Oliver is back to trying to make it work between them, and she occasionally helps William with his homework, so he can’t complain.

William btw, while appreciating the fact that F*licity brings intelligent conversation with her, has not forgotten how much of a bitch she was when trying to save him. Sure, he wasn’t present while all the shit-talking was going down, but there was no way that Samantha didn’t mention it at least in passing later on. “I’m amazed at how much Oliver has grown as a person. He was a real jackass when I knew him before, but he was genuinely worried about you and how we’d get you back. I just wish that the blonde chick he was working with wasn’t being such a pain about it. Like she had any right to any of our business, or any right to be a bitch about the rescue mission.” At this point, nolicity’s domestic life is pretty much out of some crappy fanfiction, and I will be damned if William doesn’t get to bring up F*licity’s pettiness at least once.

And since F*licity apparently feels threatened when Oliver’s past love life gets brought up, William tends to go to his Aunt Thea whenever he feels the need to talk about his mom without having to feel as if he’s the one bringing up a touchy subject. She’s also the one to get him out of the house whenever Nolicity gets especially nauseating at home, and he ends up growing a bond with the rest of Team Arrow in the process. While he still doesn’t want Oliver to be the Arrow anymore, he grows to respect the rest of the team, and ends up with all of their numbers in case he needs any of them to kidnap him for the day. He gets to spend some time in the bunker while they’re out on missions (with Diggle under the hood, of course). Funnily enough, after one mission without F*licity or Oliver, he asks Thea, “So what exactly do you need F*licity for anyway?” And Thea explains that she’s usually down in the bunker handling all the tech stuff while they’re all out in the field, but then he says, “Yeah, but Curtis was handling all that and working in the field??” And Thea and Roy exchange The Look™ again and change the subject.

Things finally come to a head during the Crisis on Earth-X crossover. Oliver, totally taken by the magic that is WestAllen still proposes during the rehearsal dinner, and F*licity, still very publicly says no. Classy. Naz*s invade and everything goes to shit, and Oliver and F*licity still try to make things about them while shit is literally falling apart around them, and to the people whose wedding actually got ruined for some reason. To her credit, Iris doesn’t outright tell F*licity that she’s being a self-obsessed drama queen at what is literally the worst possible time, but she does put out a few comments that both remind F*licity that it was in fact Iris’s day that was ruined, and gets her to shut the fuck up.

F*licity: Oh, wah! Oliver and I had a fight and then naz*s ruined any chance of makeup sex! Wah!

Iris: They literally ruined my wedding and abducted my groom.

F*licity: *internally* oh fuck I forgot about that

Meanwhile on Earth-X:

Oliver: Oh, wah! F*licity said she wouldn’t marry me after I proposed at your rehearsal dinner! Wah!

Barry: Yeah, what the fuck was that about anyway?

Oliver: Ikr? She wouldn’t say yes even after all the beautiful things that were said during the speech! If that doesn’t scream romance, idk what will!

Barry: I actually meant, why the fuck would you propose at the rehearsal when you can do it at literally any other time that isn’t supposed to be about Iris and I getting married?

Oliver: There was magic in the air!

Barry: *facepalm*

No, but the conversation between Barry and Oliver would go on to a touching, if not repetitive explanation about how Oliver was so taken, not just with Barry and Iris’s union, but the idea that Barry has been able to balance his life as a hero and his personal life. Oliver had once told him, “Guys like us don’t get the girl,” but Barry actually did it. And Oliver was envious, because his own life was one clusterfuck after another, with an on-again-off-again relationship that he’s only sort of making it work, and after the Dominator’s simulator, he realized how much he wanted his life as Oliver Queen to be fulfilling and filled with love, and how much he wants a partner in both halves of his life, like Barry and what he has with Iris. And throughout all this, Barry listens and quickly notices that throughout his whole explanation, Oliver never once uses F*licity’s name; he doesn’t even bring her up specifically. Barry probably means to point this out, but Oliver brushes him off thinking that he’s just going to tell him off some more, because that’s what he’s come to expect from having F*licity around all the time, and that’s what people who love you do, right?

It’s actually Snart’s doppelganger who points this out (after eavesdropping on their entire conversation) and suggests that maybe Oliver just hasn’t found the right person to be his partner the way he wants. “Just look at Barry and Iris, or me and Ray.” Oliver shrugs him off too, and just resigns himself to the loneliness of either being without F*licity, or being with her in all the wrong ways.

They get back to Earth-1, Supergirl is saved, yadda yadda yadda. I would like to change Stein’s death into him also making a miraculous recovery and leaving the show still intact. Just, using naz*s to kill off a Jewish character? REALLY?? Fuck all of that. Anyway, Barry and Iris still decide on an impromptu wedding right after *insert literally any event that doesn’t involve killing off Martin so disrespectfully* and Barry still brings Diggle to perform the ceremony, and Joe, Cecile and Wally are present because of course they fucking are. You could even argue for Cisco and Caitlin, but it doesn’t matter to me as much if they’re there. So Barry and Iris exchange vows, say their I do’s, and-

Fucking F*licity interrupts. Because of course she fucking does. “Would you marry us, too? Would you marry me?” A moment of silence and then everyone just explodes.

Barry: Seriously, though? After waiting my entire life for this, two more seconds is literally all I could have asked for

Wally: I’m a speedster, and I could have waited a couple more seconds

Iris: Really? Can I not just have one (1) wedding go uninterrupted?

Joe: In retrospect, we probably should have waited until these assholes left and done this at STAR Labs or something

And F*licity just gets overwhelmed because she’s literally never had so many people tell her she was wrong in her entire fucking life and Diggle tries to mediate (no matter how much he agrees with the rest of Team Flash).

Diggle: F*licity, you don’t even have a marriage license.

F*licity: Oh, no, it’s okay, John! We could just share the moment with Barry and Iris, and then go get a marriage license when we get back to Star City and have our own wedding there.

And then everyone explodes again because, seriously what the FUCK? “So I have to share my second interrupted wedding, and you’re just going home to have another one of your own?” And literally everyone is so fucking frustrated and angry, even more so because they all knew they should have been celebrating at that very moment but F*licity seems to think her awkwardness is still cute when it might just be the most infuriating thing ever. Finally she turns back to Oliver, who hasn’t said anything since she proposed like, “Hey?! A little help here?!” And Oliver is busy with finally seeing her without the rose-colored glasses and seeing her as the selfish and problematic person she is and it’s fucking glorious because he’s just so calm but everyone hears him when he just says, “No.”

F*licity: What? NO? What do you mean, NO?

Oliver: No, F*licity, as in, no, I’m not gonna help you ruin their second wedding, no I’m not going to defend you after fucking this up, and NO I won’t marry you. Not here and definitely not now.

Everyone else is pretty taken aback because up until now, no one’s ever told Queen Fefe off and they’re all doing an internal happy dance at how, for once, Oliver isn’t backing her up. Oliver and F*licity have a staring contest, F*licity waiting for him to back down, and Oliver holding his ground, until F*licity, finally realizing that she’s been unanimously outvoted, just storms off without saying anything, probably expecting Oliver to come running after her to apologize. But he doesn’t. He actually just quietly apologizes to Barry and Iris, and stays in his place as a groomsman (best man, my ass) and stands and waits for Cecile to take up her new place as matron of honor (how the fuck Fefe got that position is beyond me) all the while having this look on his face that says “It had to be done, but I’m gonna catch serious hell when I get home.” Diggle repeats himself in pronouncing Barry and Iris as husband and wife, they kiss, and the crossover ends with an UNBLOCKED shot of them two while their remaining wedding party claps it out.

I would keep everything in the gift scene in next episode of The Flash exactly the same except for Iris’s line is changed to, “Okay, not on the registry, but I guess trying to get married during our wedding wasn’t on the registry either. I’m not bitter.”

The whole wedding reception scene in Arrow is also completely done away with, and replaced with a long-awaited breakup scene, the one to end all breakup scenes (between nolicity anyway). Down in the bunker, it starts off with (what else?) F*licity trying to blame everything on Oliver. “Shit like this is why I didn’t wanna marry you. And then I put MYSELF out there and what do I get? Rejected, that’s what! I get rejected and humiliated in front of everyone!” And then she rambles on and throws in a couple references of the island and how he hasn’t changed since his frat boy days for good measure. Some guilt tripping and a few hypocritical statements later, and then she ends it. Or, at least, that’s what it’s supposed to be, but it really comes off as more of a threat to end it. Her closing statement sounds a lot like “You better straighten up because you’re damn lucky to have me.”

And Oliver just kind of silently stews until she finishes and he immediately jumps into how far he’d obviously come since his five years on the island, and how unfair it was for her to throw that in his face, and even worse how she tried so hard to justify butting her way into Barry and Iris’s special moment to further put herself in the spotlight. She tries to butt in a couple times (like she does) but gets immediately shut down because hell to the fucking no that was not okay. It ends with them trying to yell over each other, and F*licity yelling, “Well maybe I shouldn’t even be on this team anymore since you’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t need me!” right as the rest of the team walk in. They immediately try to backtrack, but F*licity, being her usual dramatic self yells, “No! No, you stay! I’ll go! He obviously doesn’t need me anyway!” and just leaves.

The rest of the team is just so shell shocked and embarrassed at having walked in at that exact moment (they’d all secretly been hoping to be there at that exact moment because that’d mean they’d officially have permission to drag F*licity the way she should have been several seasons ago) but the moment turned out to be more awkward than anyone could have hoped, so no one really knows what to do. “You alright, Hoss?” Oliver pretends that the past minute never happened and redirects everyone’s attention to the latest update on Cayden James. Meanwhile, Laurel, recognizing that Oliver is going to opt out of dealing with the problem, quietly excuses herself and leaves the bunker after F*licity. And Laurel finds her just outside the bunker, pacing because was she was actually expecting Oliver to run up after her after causing that big scene.

Laurel: That was some fight you guys just had.

F*licity: What, oh that? Nah, Oliver’s just being a jerk. Don’t worry about me, we’ll be-

Laurel: Where the hell do you get off talking to him like that?

F*licity: Wait, what?

Laurel then unleashes the mother of all lectures, bringing up every single problematic thing F*licity has ever said or done, which is pretty much anything and everything anyone has ever had to complain about the Mary Sue-ish nature of her character, every time she’s been an asshole, every time that she and the rest of the team has wanted nothing more than to tell her to shut the fuck up but how Oliver had asked them not to because of how much he wanted their shitty relationship to work, whether they were together or broken up at the time. F*licity tries to keep a stoic facial expression, but it’s pretty clear that she’s embarrassed and angry and incredibly surprised because damn, first Oliver and Team Flash, and now Laurel is calling her out on her shit and she was so far from expecting it. Laurel, to her credit, never even raises her voice, because she doesn’t want the rest of the team to hear and get involved, and she makes it clear that no one is kicking her off the team (if she wanted to leave, then that was her own prerogative) but she’s just so glad that she finally gets to unload everything she’d been holding back since Oliver and F*licity had gotten together and the bitch was not going to worm her way out of it this time. Her rant ends with the sentence, “Don’t think for even a second that you’re in the right about any of this,” and she turns on her heel and heads back down to the bunker while F*licity stays frozen where she stands, still trying to absorb that she’d just been told off, and how no one was going to apologize for it.

In the upcoming days, it seems like F*licity is gone for good; she hasn’t come back down to the bunker or contacted anyone on the team, and the team slowly adjusts to not having her around (and encouraging Oliver in that he did the right thing by breaking it off). Curtis pretty much takes over her role on the team (he’s the third smartest person in the DC universe, dammit! Why in the fuck has he been reduced to Fefe’s sidekick?!) and makes time to go out on patrol with the others and besides not having anyone back in the bunker, the team dynamic really doesn’t change. But just as things escalate with Cayden James, F*licity comes back; she shows up unannounced at the bunker after the team comes back from the field, and insists that she’s ready to resume her role as Overwatch. The rest of the team is pretty iffy considering all the drama that she’d left in her wake, but they agree to take her back because they’d probably need all the help they could get against Cayden. So the show goes on, with some tension still between Oliver and F*licity, but Laurel quickly shuts her up with a look every time it looks like she’s about to start some shit.

Team Arrow obtains the list of people on Diaz’s payroll, and after some celebrating on taking down the bad guy, F*licity announces that she was officially leaving the team. There’s a lot of confusion, since she made such a big deal about wanting to come back, but she explains how she only wanted to finish what she started with Cayden James, and now that the mission is over, she’s ready to go back to a normal life, like what she had originally planned when joining the team back in the first season. This scene is actually a bittersweet one; no matter any of our opinions on how badly this character was fucked up, she was a part of the original team, and her departure from it should be treated like the end of an era. She leaves, but not before assuring them that she would help out if they ever need it.

Idk what the future holds for the plot, but as far as GA/BC being endgame (because they were, dammit) I actually wouldn’t want it to happen in the next season. Now with F*licity gone, Oliver got bumped up from the second to the biggest asshole in the Arrowverse, and like I said before, Laurel absolutely does not deserve his shit. So I don’t want there to be any romantic relationship between them at all, for at least one whole season. Hell, I want them to date other people during this season. At this point, I’d just really like to see their friendship to become more solid. I want them both to come to terms with what happened between them in the past, and decide to extend their partnership. I want Oliver (and the rest of the team) to see Laurel as his equal, not as his potential love interest, and definitely not his sidekick. I want Oliver to start resembling his comic book counterpart at this point. I want him to more frequently crack jokes and become less like a Batman wannabe. It felt like that’s the Oliver we were supposed to get when this show started, after he’d had a chance to deal with some of his trauma.

The eighth season is when Oliver and Laurel start showing romantic interest in each other again. They maybe start flirting while on the field, and eventually they go out on dates without the masks. And at first it’s weird, because of all the history they share, and a running gag where every time they sit down, they’re immediately summoned on a mission (original, ik). But they not only find the time to be together, but they actually realize that the life actually works for them, because there are no more secrets between them anymore. I want them to start calling each other Pretty Bird and Robin Hood and pretty much all the fluffy (and probably smutty) scenes that it would take for their relationship to better resemble their comic book counterparts. And their chemistry is just as good as it was in the first season, when you could just look at Oliver and see just how in love he was with Laurel, only better now that they both share the vigilante lifestyle.

This all eventually leads to them getting married; it doesn’t matter if it happens in the eighth season or the ninth, but the proposal is similar to the 2010 Green Arrow short, where he proposes while in full costume after completing a mission together.

Their wedding could be the premise for the annual crossover, but I wouldn’t mind if it was purely an episode of Arrow. If it’s not a crossover, then I would at least like a brief cameo of Barry and Iris, probably calling or video chatting them before the wedding, wishing them luck because they sadly can’t make it due to having to deal with this season’s villain. But Sara has to be there, for sure; with or without the rest of her team, she needs to be present as the maid of honor.

And their wedding gets interrupted, because of course it does (probs by Orm leading the Atlanteans or some shit) so they break up the wedding party to suit up and join the fight. This is actually the first time we see F*licity since she left. They need her tech skills yet again because Curtis was either incapacitated during the fight, or he’s off on a trip somewhere with the hot police officer from this past season. Anyway, they’re at whatever office/genius bar she’s working at, hovering while she does her thing, and she’s rambling on as per usual until she says something like, “I expected to hear from you like everyday, tbh. I’m honestly surprised everything didn’t fall apart the moment I left.” And everyone just kinda rolls their eyes like, damn, what a bitch. And then she makes it more awkward when it comes out that Oliver and Laurel’s wedding was supposed to take place earlier that day, and it’s like, “Oh, so I guess you are willing to get married, just not to me!” And Oliver has to physically hold Laurel back from cussing her out because, “We need her, okay?”

The episode/crossover ends with the team (and William and F*licity because reasons) back in whatever location they’re using as the Arrow Cave at this point, everyone in full costume, patching up their injuries, and it overall looking like the shawarma scene from the first Avengers movie. And despite having just won the day, everyone’s still sorry that they couldn’t finish the wedding. So, just like how Barry and Iris should’ve had their second wedding in STAR Labs, they decide to hold their wedding in the Arrow Cave. So, everyone still tired and dirty from their recent fight, but it still makes for an interesting ceremony. But it’s mostly because I want Oliver to lift Laurel’s mask the way he would’ve lifted her veil. And not only do they actually have vows, they’re actually pretty fucking beautiful. Like, Oliver’s are about how he’s loved her for most of his life, but how this is the first time where he feels like he’s finally worthy of her, and how he sees her as an equal, and as his partner in both halves of his life. Laurel’s reflect on how they went from friends to lovers, to strained acquaintances, back to friends, to actual partners, and eventually back to lovers. And no matter how many times their paths lead away from each other, they were forever intertwined. And then Diggle pronounces them husband and wife and everyone cheers.

F*licity hangs back from the rest of the crowd that’s hugging and kissing and congratulating, because she really can’t stop herself from thinking “That should have been me,” but she manages to keep it (mostly) classy and only hints towards the thought twice in her rambling congratulations. In the end, she hugs the both of them, and makes her exit right after Oliver and Laurel stroll out to catch their plane to their honeymoon.

[life-death-thepursuitofhappiness]

So @lvtvr requested Unintentional Fond Looks for romantic klance. Here you go, Charlie, you beautiful magical writing genius.

@fluffbingo

“You really need to be less obvious.”

Keith’s head shot up from where he had been looking down at the ends of the red scarf around his neck, though he kept a firm grasp on them. His eyes quickly lost their startled look and instead narrowed suspiciously at the two smartasses who took the seats at his table.

“Ok 1: How did you know I was here? And 2: What do you mean?”

Pidge smirked at him. “I know everything.”

Keith raised an eyebrow. Matt chuckled in response and said, “She does know everything, but this time it was dumb luck. We - ow, don’t kick me again, Katie, he didn’t believe that line anyway - like this cafe too, you know. Especially the fall decor.” He gestured expansively to the windows from where they were seated outside, which showcased various displays of all things autumn, ranging from Halloween to Black Friday, and everything in between.

“It is pretty great,” Keith conceded. “But it still doesn’t explain what you mean by needing to be less obvious.”

Pidge gave him a look. “Your Titanic sized crush on Lance is what I mean. We all saw him give you that scarf last Christmas, and here you are smiling at it like it saved your life and carried you off into the sunset. In public. Where people can see you, Keith. Where’s your dignity?”

“Bold of you to assume he ever had any.”

“BUUUUUUURN,” sang Pidge as she high fived her brother gleefully. Keith rolled his eyes.

“You’re not on ‘That 70’s Show,’ no matter how much you wish you were, you know.”

“True, but those are squad goals and you can’t deny it.”

“Whatever.”

“That means he agrees,” Matt stage whispered, which gave him and Pidge a new fit of the giggles.

“Why am I even friends with you? Don’t answer that,” Keith said, effectively stopping the two menaces from teasing him further. He took the chance to keep talking while they pouted.

“And crush or no, I would be smiling at any present I got from anyone! I -” He swallowed and blushed, processing what he had just admitted. Nevertheless, he pressed on. “I. You know. I appreciate you guys. And your effort or whatever.”

This time, Matt was the one who sighed, but he waved for Pidge to respond to their friend. She complied.

“Look, Keith, we know that. But while you’ve smiled all dopily at every present you’ve ever gotten, you haven’t looked at anyone else with the same gooey expression. Just Lance. Unless there’s something you need to confess?” Pidge smirked. “Sorry Keith, but...I’m just not into you that way.” She reached over to pat his arm in a mockery of sympathy.

“You're the worst.”

Pidge just laughed. “Not so. Otherwise I would've told Lance about your crush forever ago. It's honestly disgusting how clueless he is to the dreamy looks you give him.”

Keith crossed his arms and glared. “It's not like I do it on purpose! It just kind of...happens.”

“Yeah, that makes it five million times worse. Get your shit together.”

Keith slouched in his seat, sending a half-hearted pleading look to Matt. Predictably, Matt sided with Pidge. Keith often wondered if they shared one huge brain.

“She's right, dude. You're not doing yourself any favors here, you know.”

“Stop pretending to be mature. I've known you for over half my life.”

“Your point is?” Matt grinned, showing off his teeth. Pidge snorted beside him.

“The point is, go away and stop bothering me. I'll see you guys later.” The small smile that accompanied the words belied the slightly harsh comment.

“All right, all right. We'll get some coffee and then be on our way. Come on, Ka -” Matt looked around, bewildered, before he finally spotted his sister holding the door of the cafe open and waving him over eagerly. He shook his head fondly and made his way to her, while Keith hid a smile in his cup of hot chocolate. He fiddled with his scarf absentmindedly.

Pidge and Matt received their coffees and started the walk home. Once they were out of Keith's hearing range, Matt spoke.

“Do you think we should have told him that Lance accidentally gazes at him too?”

“Nah. Eventually they'll look at each other at the same time and figure out the crush is mutual.”

“It's Lance and Keith, though. Even when they figure it out, they'll make it difficult. They might even pine more than ever somehow.”

“I know. But we'll deal with it when the time comes.”

“Eh, fair enough.”

[ao3feed-voltronlegendarydefender]

Wait- You Died?!

read it on the AO3 at Wait- You Died?!

by FireQueen7

Yeah, Lance died when he took that hit for Allura. Yeah, Allura revived him. Yeah, nobody mentioned it again. Yeah, Lance thought it was because they didn't care.

Words: 719, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 3 of NaNoWriMo 2018

Fandoms: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Characters: Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron), Pidge | Katie Holt, Hunk (Voltron), Allura (Voltron), Coran (Voltron)

Relationships: Keith & Lance (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron), Lance & Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Allura & Coran & Hunk & Keith & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt & Shiro, Allura & Lance (Voltron), Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt, okay guys do i need to go on its just the team in this large fluffy platonic relationship, although i guess you could look at some of the things as a ship. i dunno man.

Additional Tags: SOMEBODY ADDRESSING LANCE'S DEATH, MY BOY NEEDS M O R E APPRECIATION, EVEN THOUGH HES ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR CHARACTERS IN THE ENTIRE FANDOM, IF YOU CANT TELL IM REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT LANCE, I actually dont know if i should put a major character death warning on this, cuz like he dies, but its canon, and he gets revived, NaNoWriMo 2018, The title for this is actual shit, i should probably be doing schoolwork right now but i dont wanna, i actually dont know what to tag this as, should i say self sacrificing lance?, because he does sacrifice himself for allura, in the episode, Lance's Canon Death, actually y'all could probably read this as klance, i was thinking to myself DONT MAKE IT KLANCE while writing this, i was all like P L A T O N I C R E L A T I O N S H I P S, but then i kinda started to write it as a budding klance relationship, i dunno i guess if you dont ship it you can ignore it, YOOOOO GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF AN ACTUAL TAG, Hurt/Comfort, GUYS IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF, this is actually so short, like really really short, depressingly short, but whateversies, okay but guys seriously im so bad at tagging, and coming up with titles, if anybody has any suggestions for a tag or title, please TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS, because this is probably the worst title ive ever come up with, and ive had some pretty bad titles...

read it on the AO3 at Wait- You Died?!

[dreamworksworddump]

Captive in the starlight: Ch. 3

(a/n: As always, reblogs and comments (even just in the tags) are always appreciated. You can also find this story on AO3 under the same name, written by MorteMistrata.)

Previous:

First:

Katie wakes up with her back pressed against Keith’ chest. His arm is draped over her side, pulling her close as if she were a stuffed toy. She can feel the heat of his breath on the back of her neck, can feel how it stirs her hair, and brushes it aside, leaving her undeniably aware of his presence behind her. She hasn't shared a bed with anyone since she was a kid, and still believed that the loud rolls of thunder meant that the sky was falling in. She recalls being called a wild sleeper, but it seems like Keith is the one who moved the most during the night.

She shivers at the coolness of the air; The sheets are tangled in his legs, pulling most of them off of her in turn.

Is this what it will be like, once they are married? Will they wake up every morning intertwined like this, like wood and fire? It’s a strange thought to linger upon, and she quickly brushes it aside as Keith stirs, rolling onto his back.  

She immediately misses the warmth he’d provided; without the blankets, or her fireplace on, her room is just as chilly as it is outside.

“Damn.” Keith sits up, and leans back against the headboard. His shirt is wrinkled now, and blood has stained the front. “I’d meant to sneak back to my room before morning. It’ll look bad on both of us if someone sees me sneaking out of your room.”

“Yeah,” Katie pulls the covers back up to her chest, and turns onto her side, facing him. She’s not quite ready to get out of bed yet. Getting out of bed implies that she has a plan for how to deal with the bruised Galran Prince sitting in her bed, which she most definitely does not. “It would. But that sounds like a problem for future us to figure out.”

Keith’s whole body shakes with laughter, and then halts as the red stain on his shirt begins to grow. He sighs, and tugs his shirt away from where it’s been dried to his skin.

“If he hadn’t caught me unaware he wouldn't’ve got me so bad.” He mutters as Katie brushes her blankets aside, and grabs the first aid kit from where it rests on the floor beside her. “The windows were open in that hall. I couldn't hear anything over the storm.”

“That was underhanded. More so than usual. “ She sets it down beside her, and then pulls out a bottle of alcohol, and a rag. The smell of alcohol reminds her of the night before, of the wine, and mead, and whiskey that had been served. “You must've had him feeling threatened, if he had to rely on tricks like that to get you.” Katie says, pulling his collar down so that she can see the cut.

The shirt won't stretch enough to give her good access to it, but she refuses to ask him to take it off. She doesn't like seeing him shirtless; it always leaves her flustered and unfocused, and feeling.

“That’s glass-half-full way of looking at it.” Keith remarks.

“It’s the only way of looking at it. He’s scared of you. Your fighting skills have surpassed his.”

Keith taps his chin pensively. “I've never really won against him, but now that I think about it, I have started putting marks on him.” Katie tugs again, revealing the top part of the cut. She tries to press the rag against it, but he pushes her hand away. “You could've just asked y’know. I've got no problem taking my shirt off for you.” Keith rolls his eyes, and pulls his shirt off, tossing the ball of fabric at her face.

Katie’s cheeks redden at his teasing. “You’ve been in King Lance’s company much too often.” She says, inspecting the cut. “It doesn't suit you.”

Keith scoffs mockingly. “Oh, but you like it. I can tell.”

The slash is about two inches long, and wider at the top than at the bottom. Keith’s already started to heal, although at a slower pace than a full-blooded Galra would, so she decides that with bandages, he’ll be fine. Sore for a bit, perhaps, but in no danger of dying. She surveys the rest of his chest as casually as she can manage for other wounds. A small cut, already scabbed, near his shoulder. A multitude of faded and fading scars decorates his abs, stopping just below his navel where a happy tail begins to peek out from his waistband.

“Katie?” Keith calls, and she blinks, realizing that she’d been staring.

She presses the rag to the cut, and looks away. “Sorry,” She offers, as he winces at the sting. “If you let me do it last night, it wouldn't have hurt so much now.”

“Well at the time, sleep sounded more important.” He protests as she smooths the bandages onto his chest, fingers lingering at the edges as she presses them flat against his skin. Keith is warm, she realizes. She’d known that before, of course, but to actually have her skin touching his puts the observation first and foremost into her mind.

She can feel his heart beating beneath her palm as she shifts it aside, can feel the gentle rhythm pumping his life force throughout his body. “You-”

“Your Majesty!” Shiro throws the doors open, igniting a whirlwind of papers from where they’d rested on her desk. The paper land all around them, some in puddles made from the night before. Katie drops her hand as Shiro continues, out of breath. “Your mother- it’s urgent. You must see to her at once.”

“My mother? What- what’s going on? You didn't even knock.” Katie grabs her dressing gown from the dresser beside her bed, sliding it on inside out in her haste to cover herself. Her mother, she should be fine. Nothing has changed with her in weeks, no, months! Of all of her worries, she should be the least of them.“She’s fine, isn't she?”

Shiro’s steely gaze drifts over to Keith, offering him a curt nod of acknowledgement before looking back to Katie. He looks serious. More so than he’d been yesterday, before her coronation. “Put on a dressing gown.” He insists. “You must see her now.”

Katie’s blood runs cold. The only reason that Shiro would burst in like this, the only reason why he would refuse to answer would be if her mother was at death’s door. She can't seem to get her legs to work now that she understands. The air feels too heavy. Her body is too weak to move against it. How is she supposed to go to her, when she’d been so angry at her only a day before? When the rest of her family is already gone?

Beside her, Keith slides off of the bed. He slips his hand into hers and squeezes, hard. “C’mon, Pidge. Get up. You don't have time to play around.”

Anger burns in her stomach at his words. She’s not playing around. She's scared. Scared of her mother dying. Scared of being alone. The warmth of her anger pulls her out of whatever daze she was in, and she stands, her feet landing on the wet clothes piled beside the bed.

Katie can’t seem to focus as she looks around for a pair of shoes. If she doesn’t wear them, she’ll hurt her feet. If she leaves with Shiro, if she goes to her mother, then this becomes real. Her mother is dying, and she’d give anything in the world for her not to.

Keith places a hand on her shoulder, cautious of standing too close under Shiro’s heavy gaze. “Do you want me to come with you? I can, uh, hold your hand or something.”

Katie shakes her head. When she gets there, she is going to break. She can’t break down in front of him, not in front of Keith, who has always been so strong, so indestructible. “No. I want- I have to go alone.”

Keith nods, and passes her a pair of shoes- something worn and soft that she suspects came from under her bed. She slips them on, and he places a hand on her shoulder awkwardly, as if about to divulge in her some kind of deep wisdom. “Okay. Go. I’ll see you later.”

Katie isn’t sure what to say, and Shiro runs out of patience. He grabs her wrist, tugging her away as fast as he dares. Keith closes the door behind them with a soft click.

Katie knows this wing well. It’s where her family lived, the ward where she’d spent most of her days as a child, and so she knows every detail of every stone she passes by on the way to her mother’s room. It's exactly four hundred and thirteen steps away from her own. There are two corners, and one curve. She passes by fourteen windows. Normally, it takes four minutes to walk there. Today it only takes two. She can’t recall a thing that she passes by, can’t make her eyes focus on anything.

Shiro doesn't relent with his manic pace until they get there. Even outside the door, she can smell the heavy scent of death leaking from her mother’s chambers. He pulls the handle, and pauses then, looking down at her with his mouth pressed into a thin line. For a moment, she thinks he’s going to say something, but then he shakes his head, and steps aside to let her through.

The medic stands by the side of her bed, his mask held in his hands. His face is young, but his eyes weathered, and although he is standing less than a foot away from her mother, he does not shy away from the smell she emancipates.

Katie steps forward cautiously, lingering at the edge of the bed. Her mother stares dreamily at the ceiling above, a slight smile resting on her lips.

“Mother?” She calls, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Mother are you-”

“Matt?” Her mother’s voice is bright, but raspy with disuse. Her head turns, and her eyes lock onto Katie. “Matt! You came back.” She smiles wider, causing her face to mar with wrinkles that Katie knows hadn't been there before.

“No, mom, it’s Katie. I'm Katie.” She says her name slowly, hoping that she’ll understand.

Her mother’s face scrunches up in confusion. Her hair, cut short in mourning has begun to grow out again. It reaches the edge of her chin now, choppy and tangled. “Matt? What are you talking about?”

Her mother had pronounced Matt and her father dead after only a year of searching, and the cutting of her long locks had made it final. Who does she think died, if not Matt? Does she not see Katie’s hair spilling across her shoulders?

Katie isn't sure how to respond; there are tears welling up in her eyes, and her throat feels thick with the urge to cry.

“I heard that you did great at the coronation. I'm so proud of you.” Her mother says, smiling.

Katie wipes her eyes, and nods. “Yeah, I did.”

Her mother reaches for her hand, and when Katie takes it, she can feel her bones poking through her skin. The honey-water that they’d used to keep her alive hasn’t been enough to keep her muscles from atrophying away, to keep her body functioning above a bare minimum.

“Katie is getting married soon.” She says, but her mother does not respond. She looks up at the medic, but he only shrugs.

“She comes and goes. We call it the final push. A last bit of clarity before leaves for the Great Beyond.” The medic wrings his mask in his hands, and the leather squeaks as it rubs against itself. “I’d give her a week or so. Maybe less.”

A week. Seven days. A full month before the wedding will take place.

Katie doesn't know how to feel. Her mother is dying, which means that she won’t be laying here, staring aimlessly like a portrait instead of a person. Maybe she’ll find relief in the afterlife, where ever that is. Relief from this incessant waiting for her family that never returns. Katie knows that she shouldn’t be thankful, she knows that it’s bad, that it’s horrible of her to find relief at losing her mother, but she is. She wants her to live again.

Katie pulls her hand away, and stands. “Is there anything we can do to make it easier for her?”

The medic pulls a vial from his pocket. It glows dimly against his hand, and pulses, as if a heart was beating inside. He hands it to her, and she turns it over, watching as the green liquid casts strange lights through her fingers.

“What is it?”

“It’s an elixir. They call it Desolation.”

“What does it do?”

“It’ll give her an hour of clarity, and then she will pass away peacefully.”

Katie looks over at her mother. Her face looks blank again, as if their conversation had been swept away like water down the drain. If she were to use this, she wouldn't have to suffer any longer. If she were to use this, Katie would be killing her own mother.

She stuffs the vial into the pocket of her robe, and turns back towards the door. “Thank you.” She says. It feels like she’s being crushed under the weight of her decisions. She doesn’t want to be the one to make them. Katie doesn't want to even consider them, but she’s the queen now, and when has ruling ever been easy?

[thesinglesjukebox]

SZA X JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE - THE OTHER SIDE

[4.50]

The final battle between corporate shilling and rockism awaits us!

Tobi Tella: SZA sounds smooth and fun, free of the baggage that makes her R&B so good and fully committed to making a great pop song, JT wisely plays backup. Why is a song from Trolls World Tour this good? [7]

Kylo Nocom: Okay, quick aside, can we talk about Trolls World Tour? It seems like it's actually going to try to tackle music genre distinctions in a way that's accessible to the kids: the trolls are all visiting worlds named after Pop, Funk, Classical, Techno, Country and Rock for the sake of defeating Rock World's dictator in some sort of Last Airbender quest. The premise basically being anti-rockist propaganda is badass even though it just confirms everyone's beliefs that poptimism is corporate shilling. But, really, what the fuck is going on? How are they tackling, according to the cast, the reggaeton troll, the K-pop trolls, the smooth jazz trolls, and the presence of a hip hop troll but no hip hop land? Like, duh, these are all just cameos to appeal to a broad audience, but there's no way this movie doesn't just confuse the kids. If the end-goal is to raise a bunch of children to piss off people that care about what's being called disco or not, then I'm all for it! But it's still weird! What I'm basically trying to say is that "The Other Side," like SZA's other two big white-man-funk singles, makes funk sound like the least fun thing in the world, and that if I was a 5-year-old having to listen to this I'd end up a Rock Troll too. [5]

Nortey Dowuona: Baby Keem waits on a plastic chair between 2 couches. Finally, SZA, Isaiah Rashad, Reason, SiR, Lance Skiiwalker and Zacari come in and sit on the right couch. Kendrick, SchoolBoy Q, Jay Rock and Ab-Soul come in and sit on the left couch. Baby Keem says, "Go." After 5 hours of rage, recriminations, tears, hugging, and Lance and SiR showing them a flowchart for watching King of the Hill properly, SZA wrote this for Justin Timberlake. [4]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: There's a focus-group-tested, sterile quality that keeps me from genuinely liking this breezy, summery collaboration. Still, I'm sure it'll sound pleasant enough planning in the background of whatever JCPenny or Apple store. [5]

Alfred Soto: "You start to feel like you're losing your shine," Justin Timberlake mumbled while regarding his thickening features in the bathroom mirror. SZA might wonder if letting this lamprey attach himself to her will atrophy her self-control and innate sense of rhythm. Certainly neither needs canned Daft Punk post-disco. [2]

Katie Gill: Well that Man of the Woods period was thankfully short, wasn't it? This is a perfectly serviceable song that does its job of playing over the credits as something animated trolls can dance to. It's not as much of an earworm as "Can't Stop The Feeling" and thus I doubt it'll have a fraction of that song's staying power, but I appreciate its existence if only so I'll change up the earworm I inevitably get when someone sings the title phrase. The whole song sounds nostalgic, to the point where when I first heard this song, I spent a solid minute trying to think of what it samples because I've heard that sound before, it has to sample something. Turns out the 'something' is the mid 2000s Justin Timberlake sound itself. [6]

Will Adams: Timberlake's been flogging this cod-funk horse for nearly fifteen years; I don't know what else I could have expected. It's like he heard Calvin Harris's remix of "The Weekend" and figured he could do the same. A few problems here: 1) a "Can't Stop the Feeling!" retread that's been sweetened with aspartame; 2) SZA's vocal buried in an already muddy mix; 3) centering the song on a cliche as ground down as "the grass is greener on the other side." [3]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: "Say So," but even more kidz-boppified. SZA sounds good, but Timberlake sounds like he's a reanimated corpse. And yet, the electric piano loop still draws me in, elevating this from kids movie schlock to moderately groovy kids movie schlock. [4]

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