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awkness · 8 months ago

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Serial Killer! Platonic! Yandere Older Brother & Genderneutral Teenage Reader (Part 3)

(Part 1) (Part 2)

His voice is weary yet patient. Just loud enough to be heard over your muffled sobs. Under normal circumstances, you could be reassured, letting his words soothe you into a less frantic state. But this wasn't normal. You would never have any kind of normal with your brother again.

Alternatively: things get better before they get much worse.

Content Warnings: mentions/non graphic depictions of murder, violence, child abuse, death, and alcoholism. Features manipulation, confinement, and general yandere behavior. Please let me know if I need to put additional warnings.

Authors Note: I know it's been a few months but hiiiiii heres a 10k+ wordcount update <3 I know I said I was going to end this series after Part 3 but I've been thinking about continuing this and have laid the ground work for further updates with vauge ideas on how to actually end it. Nothing concrete, I'll need to do more outlining, but this isn't the last of Ben :3

The morning after you and Ben patched things up was strange, but only because it wasn't strange at all.

You had woke up exhausted and barely conscious, not remembering what had transpired the night before. It's only after staring at the ceiling, watching the slowly shifting patches of sunlight morph on your walls, do you recall everything that happened. The hang out with Alex, the... argument, and the reconciliation after. The feelings race by as quickly as the memories, going from happiness, to fear, to relief and joy once again, leaving you feeling a little hollow, like you had run in a circle. Exhausted by the work, only to be at the same place you started with nothing different. But that wasn't entirely true, wasn't it? Something small tugged at the back of your mind, telling you that you weren't in the same place you were, that something had changed. But what was it?

The usual morning tiredness made it difficult to hold onto the thought, and the moment you got up and began to start your morning routine, it sat quietly in the back of your mind, patiently waiting. It wasn't until you were making your way into the kitchen and heard Ben cooking did it begin to pull at you again, sharper than before.

You were only a couple steps away from the entrance of the kitchen when a sudden knot of anxiety gripped your body. The fear was nameless, wordless, leaving no room for thinking, just the sudden compulsion to be away from the kitchen and to go back to your room.

But it wasn't reasonable. Why would you want to run away? It was only Ben in there, and you had no reason to want to be away from him. You two had already made up, so it was fine. Everything was fine.

Despite your fear, you willed yourself into the kitchen. Ben was at the stove, back towards you, cooking pancakes. He softly hummed a familiar tune you couldn't place, tapping his foot to the rhythm. He seemed in a good mood, but a strange uncertainty gnawed at your nerves that made you question it anyway. How would you be certain he was?

Before your apprehension won you over, he turned around, body language loose and relaxed, his grin growing warmer when he laid eyes on you.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

The constriction in your chest loosened as you smiled back at him.

"Morning." You reply, wondering if any of your previous anxiety was still in your voice.

If it was, he didn't seem to notice. His smile was still on his face as he turned back to the stove.

The rest of the morning went perfectly normal, with you both eating and making plans for later before he headed off to work.

Just like that, both of you picked up your life where it left off like nothing had happened. And if you didn't think about it too much, you found yourself believing it. Which was pretty easy, considering how busy you were.

The attic was finally cleaned and ready to paint. Ben had taken you to the hardware store so you could mull over your options, being a begrudging but good-humored accomplice in your paint swatch thievery, the tiny cards practically bursting out of his pockets as you'd slyly slip them in. But after your petty theft, you had finally chosen a color you liked, and (legally) brought back the paint so you could finally make the attic your own.

You were excited to start painting, but Ben had insisted on the both of you waiting until his next day off so that you could do it together. He kept on going on about you ruining the moulding or not layering the paint right no matter how much you told him it would be fine. You suppose being an (almost) homeowner made you concerned with those kinds of things.

But he made the wait easy. Late movie nights with takeout, keeping the kitchen stocked with your favorite foods, and you even convinced him to take you to second-hand stores to do some shopping for your new room.

That wasn't completely surprising though. He was in a much better mood in general since you two made up, and it made him more willing to go along with whatever you'd like. You noticed it the first couple of days when you had off-handedly mentioned craving pizza for dinner and him picking some up after work. Or how you complained about your favorite pants tearing and him offering to take you shopping. He seemed almost over eager to make you happy.

The mood shift on your end, however, was much different.

The basement nightmares had come back. It wasn't every night, and they weren't always the same as the ones you had before. Sometimes you would find yourself dead in the basement, other times it was your father, and sometimes it would be a younger version of Ben. Then there were the ones where no one would be dead, but you would venture down into the depths only to find a void you'd fall into, falling and falling until you would wake up. The worst one, however, was when you would open the door and find nothing. You would sneak inside, and then the door would slam shut behind you. The door would be locked tight, and nothing you did could open it. You would spend the rest of the nightmare yelling and crying for a person who would never open the door, only to wake up in the dark of your room, the bruises on your arms that Ben had given to you aching.

You had also developed a new, and rather odd, habit.

Occasionally, you found yourself having anxious moments like you did the first morning post make up. You would see him out of the corner of your eye, focused on something, and have these feelings of doubt and uncertainty. You would watch him, overanalyzing every furrow of his brows, the twitch of his mouth, his body language and general demeanor, just to figure out what mood he was in. You didn't understand why you did this and, honestly, didn't even know if there was a reason to begin with. But it still occurred, in those small points in between the happy moments. And then he'd notice you looking and smile at you, like he was happy just to see you, and all those nervous feelings were gone.

Maybe that's why you kept pushing him for more stuff. Small little test to see if those moments meant anything, or if it was all in your head. You'd go up to him and ask for something that you would of second guessed yourself about before any of this drama had happened, and stare at his face, waiting for his answer. And maybe he would tease you, or pretend to think it over like he might say no, but he would always give in with a smile, or a hair tussle, or some light-hearted words about not being able to say no to you. When he did, it made you feel a deep sense of happiness, the kind that can only be achieved by the relief of all your anxieties being, if only temporarily, put to rest. And that happiness would carry you until the next moment of doubt, which seemed to happen less and less as the days went by.

Then painting day came. The work was easy, and the drying took only a few hours. You were moved in by the end of the day.

That night, after the last of the furniture was moved up, you both sat down for a late dinner while watching TV when your phone rang. You quickly checked the phone ID before guilty dismissing the call.

"Who's that?" Ben said between bites, quickly taking a glance at you.

And there it was again, the familiar erratic beat of your anxious heart.

Ever since the argument, you had been very careful not to mention Alex around Ben, which seemed to work out just fine as Ben never brought him up either.

The whole thing would have been much easier to accomplish if you had stopped talking to him, but you didn't. You both talked daily, often through text or video calls while playing minecraft together. You'd plan these gaming sessions ahead of time, often late at night, so you could talk to him without worrying about Ben finding out.

After all the work of setting up your room, you had forgotten to text him that you'd be late for your nightly gaming session, which left you wondering how you were going to explain this to Ben.

Not that you believed you were doing anything wrong, what was wrong with texting a friend? Yet you felt a knot begin to form in the pit of your stomach anyway.

"Alex."

You think you sounded nonchalant.

"That kid next door?"

You think he sounded nonchalant, too.

"Yeah, that one. I told him we were going to play minecraft tonight and I guess I lost track of the time."

"You play with him often?"

"Most nights. We finally found a stronghold and we're planning on fighting the dragon tonight."

You said all of this while looking down at your plate and messing with your food, not quite able to take a bite.

"You sound like good friends."

"Yeah, uh, I guess we are."

The conversation lulled, with nothing but the TV keeping the room from being totally silent until Ben spoke again.

"You know, maybe you should invite him over."

You glance up from your plate to look at Ben and see him looking at you. His expression is unreadable.

"Really?" It came out more disbelieving than you had liked.

He gave a quirk of the mouth like he found the question funny.

"Yeah, why not? It doesn't make sense for you two to keep texting when he lives so close. Plus, it'd be nice to meet him."

His body language had relaxed much more by the time he finished, with you subconsciously following along.

You hesitated, but only out of confusion. This isn't how you thought this would go at all.

"Uh, actually, that's a great idea. Would tomorrow be okay?"

"Probably not, seeing as you need to clean up the house before then."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. Okay, the day after then?"

"Sounds good to me."

And just like that, you both went back to eating and watching TV like nothing had happened. And had anything actually happened? You just made plans to invite a friend over, that's pretty normal. So why did it feel so off?

Maybe it was the fact that you had never invited anyone over before due to your father's behavior that caused you so much anxiety, the stress keeping you from falling asleep until much later than you intended. That same stress woke you up before your alarm, making you feel more alert and aware than coffee could ever hope to achieve.

The morning was a blur of excessive cleaning and nerves. Between the dusting and mopping, you had almost forgotten to ask Alex if he could come in the first place. But you did, and he sounded excited, the both of you agreeing for him to come over for dinner. You spent the rest of the cleaning session on the phone with him as you worked, planning out what you would do before quickly getting sidetracked to other topics.

At one point, the subject of his minecraft necklace got brought up, and he told you how the online store had got it from had accidentally shipped him a duplicate, so he had a spare one lying around. And, rather awkwardly, he asked if you wanted it. You, equally sheepish, agreed.

By the time Ben got home, you were exhausted. You both ate dinner before telling him the plans and then going off to bed early, excitedly anticipating tomorrow.

You woke up a little later than usual, as you had another nightmare. In this one, you were the one cleaning up your father's corpse, cleaning and mopping the floors like you had just done hours ago. When you woke up, instead of feeling distressed, you only found yourself mildly perturbed and annoyed, easily falling back to sleep. Maybe you should be concerned about how accustomed you were becoming to the nightmares, but at this point, you were more annoyed about the lack of good rest.

Groggily, you checked your phone and found Alex had sent you a message after you had fallen asleep. You shot him a text back and then headed down to eat.

You found Ben looking disheveled, hastily munching on a bagel as the coffee machine let out a beep.

"What's up with you?" You ask.

"Slept through my alarm." He said between bites.

"You never do that."

"Didn't get much sleep last night."

He finished off the bagel, grabbed his coffee and ruffled your hair.

"I'm off to work. See you later."

"Have a good day."

"You too."

And like that, he was out the door.

You made yourself breakfast and went to check your phone to see if Alex replied, but he hadn't.

You shrug it off, thinking he just slept in late.

The morning slowly crept by as you tried to pass the time. When noon came around and Alex still hadn't responded, you got a little worried. Maybe he didn't get a notification the first time around? You decided to send another text.

You tried to find something to eat for lunch but had trouble finding something that sounded good, your stomach too nauseous from the slowly mounting stress. After a good few minutes of staring at the food pantry, you rationalized that it might be better not to eat anything since you would be having a nice dinner later, and didn't want to spoil it by forcing yourself to eat when you're not hungry. You skipped lunch.

After mindlessly scrolling for an hour, you decide to put your phone down and watch some TV in an attempt to relax. It only half worked. You found yourself checking your phone throughout each episode, and then putting it back down in frustration when there was no message.

That's how Ben found you when he came home from work, with you lying down on the couch, sighing in disappointment as you put down your phone for the umpteenth time.

"Hey, kid." He said, tussling your hair as he made his way to the kitchen.

"Hey."

"What's got you so down?"

You let out another sigh. Something about having to say the problem out loud made you hesitate, but you responded anyway.

"Alex hasn't texted me back."

You hear Ben open up the pantry and begin going through it.

"Well, maybe he's busy getting ready. It is getting close to dinner time."

"Yeah, but I texted him this morning and he still hasn't texted me back."

You hear him placing food on the counter as he rifles through the fridge.

"Which is really weird for him, he never takes this long to reply. And yeah, he could be busy getting ready, but it doesn't take all day?"

As you talk, you find yourself more energized, and sit up to face towards Ben as he begins chopping up vegetables.

"And what else could he be doing? It's summer break and it's not like he has a job. Not that I'm judging, I don't have one either. But, well- you get what I mean, right?"

"Teenagers suck." He said without taking his eyes off the cutting board.

"I'm a teenager."

"Other teens suck, you're okay."

"Oh, I'm just okay? I see how it is." You flop back down on the couch.

"Come on, you know I didn't mean it like that."

You let out a long, dramatic sigh as your only reply.

The sounds of the knife chopping stop as footsteps approach you. You feel the couch shift as he sits near your legs.

"You know I was just joking, right? You're one of the best tens I know. Definitely one of the top 5."

"Do you even know any other teens besides me?"

"No, but if it did, you'd still be my favorite."

You let out a small huff of mock disbelief before letting the conversation fall flat. It stayed silent for a few beats before you broke it.

"Do you think he's coming over?"

"Maybe, maybe not, it's hard to say. But it'd be a shame if he did come over and saw us moping about with no dinner ready."

"I guess we should get on that, then."

"I like the way you think."

You watched him get off the couch and turn towards you, offering his hand and a smile.

"Come on, let's go."

You take his hand and he helps pull you up, and you both make your way to the kitchen.

After an hour or so of chopping, tenderizing, sauteeing, and excessive taste testing, dinner was prepared and your spirits were a little lighter. As you set the table, you began to let yourself believe that Alex might show up at the door, apologetic and with the perfect excuse for why he couldn't reach out before.

Your hope waned as the agreed-upon time passed, the first few minutes being the worst for your nerves. Then ten minutes passed. Then fifteen. Twenty. By the time he was half an hour late, he still hadn't shown up or texted, and dinner was cold. Ben suggested for you to go over to his house and knock, and you reluctantly agreed to the idea.

As you walked out, you saw his mom's car missing, which wasn't unusual, as she often worked long shifts as a nurse. It was normal for him to be home alone for long stretches of time until she came back.

You made it to his front door, knocked, and waited a minute. Then knocked again. And waited. You tried looking at the windows to see if any lights were on, but they weren't. You thought of knocking again, but quickly tossed it aside and headed back.

When you made it home, you silently began fixing yourself a plate of food, and Ben followed suit.

You scrolled on your phone as Ben practically shoveled his food down, hungry from a long day's work.

While in the middle of rereading you and Alex's text from last night, Ben spoke up.

"You should eat."

You glanced at your plate before looking back to your screen.

"I'm not really hungry."

"Uh-huh. When's the last time you ate?"

You thought of how you skipped lunch and decided not to answer.

"Just because he decided to be a no-show doesn't mean you can't enjoy the food."

You put your phone down and half-heartedly poked at the food with your fork.

"Do you think he's mad at me?"

"What? Why would he be mad at you?"

"I don't know, I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I can't think of any other reason he would ignore me."

"Well I can think of one: he's a dick."

"He isn't though! He's nice and thoughtful. And he sounded so excited over the phone about coming over."

You stopped poking your food, and simply stared at it, refusing to look up.

"All my life I had to hide what my home life was because of dad. I couldn't invite people over, I couldn't talk about what home was like without people looking at me like I'm weird and telling me that my life wasn't normal. And I guess they weren't wrong about that either. I'd hear them talk about what their dads were like and what life was like in a normal house, and I'd feel so alien. I thought it would be like that forever, with me looking in on a world I didn't belong to. But with Alex, I never felt like that. I could talk about what life was like and he never pitied me or acted like I was some kind of weirdo for what happened to me, he accepted me for what I am. I felt normal."

Your shoulders hunch together, and your voice grew quiet. You did everything to ignore the wobble in your lip.

"But what if I was wrong? What if I was too much, and he was just tolerating me? What if I was too messed up even for him and he didn't know how to get me go away so he stopped talking to me?"

Your voice had started to wobble, so you stopped yourself, even though you could of kept going. You tried to suppress the million questions and possibilities that ran through your head as you covered your face and took a deep breath.

You were so lost in trying to calm yourself, that you had almost forgotten that Ben was still in the room until he spoke.

"So what if he did?"

You looked up, shocked.

"What?"

"What if he did think you're weird? What if he is ignoring you? You were your honest self and tried being a good friend, that's all you can ever be. If he can't give you the basic decency to show up, then he doesn't deserve you."

"I just don't understand. Everything was going so well."

He gave you a small, sympathetic smile and squeezed your hand.

"Maybe it was. But that's the thing, kid, it doesn't matter how good of a friend they are, or how well you think you know them. People will lie to you, betray you, and leave you in the end, and there isn't a thing you can do about it. People are terrible. It's just how the world works."

"But family is different, it's forever. I'll always be your brother, and there isn't a thing on this earth that can change that. As long as I'm alive, you'll never be alone."

You squeezed his hand back and returned his smile with a tentative one of your own.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

His smile turned more genuine.

"Now, you've been thinking about this guy all day, I think it'd be good if you got your mind off of him. How does a movie marathon sound? You get first choice."

"Hmm. I can pick any movie?"

"Anyone you like."

"Even those cheesy lifetime romcoms?"

The question was less about you wanting to watch a romcom and more about knowing how much he hated them.

"Yeah, even those. But I reserve the right to complain through the whole thing."

You found your grin growing wider, his annoyance giving you a spark of joy after a long, miserable day.

"Deal."

You both settled down on the couch and picked out the cheesiest romcom you could find, much to Ben's (very vocal) dismay. After it ended, he made it his mission to find a movie tailor-made to annoy you. Every time you complained, yelled at the screen or went on a mini rant about how hilariously awful a scene or character was, he'd sit there and listen with the most smile you'd ever seen. For the third movie, you both searched for the most low budget, horrible-looking movie you could find, both firing off jokes and jabs as soon as it started. But it was getting late, the sun had set hours ago and the only light was the soft glow of the TV. Halfway through you both had grown tired and less energetic, slumping on the couch while wrapped in blankets. You ended up laying you head against his shoulder, both of you dully watching the screen as you fought off sleep.

"Hey, Ben?" Your voice was thick with grogginess, barely audible over the TV.

"Yeah?"

"I think you're my best friend."

A beat passed, the TV the only noise you could hear.

"I think you're my best friend, too."

Nothing was said after that. It wasn't long before your eyes fluttered shut, your mind drifting off to a deep, dreamless sleep before the credits could roll.

The morning after, you woke up on the couch to Ben's phone alarm. After some brief grumbling, you both got up and went about your morning routine before sitting down to eat.

You checked your phone while munching on some cereal and let out a sigh.

"He still hasn't texted me."

"Figures. I don't know why you're still thinking about him."

"I started wondering if maybe I was overreacting last night. There could be a reasonable explanation and could be mad at him for nothing."

"Yeah, there is a reasonable explanation. He sucks."

You let out a huff and set your phone down.

"But what if-"

A piece of fruit was shoved in your mouth before you could finish.

"No buts. You spent all day thinking about him yesterday and all it did was make you miserable, you're not doing the same thing again today."

You chewed rapidly, trying to finish eating your food before you complained about being interrupted. Your face must of given away your intentions because he spoke up again.

"Promise me you won't worry over him today, okay? Watch TV, play video games, whatever you want. You could blow up the house and I wouldn't mind if you'd stop thinking about him. Just... if you can't do it for yourself, do it for me."

You thought over his words as you chewed before finally swallowing the food.

"Okay, fine, I guess I can try."

He gave you a relieved smile, and you both carried on with breakfast until it was time for him to leave.

After he left, you did exactly as he said and spent the day as you pleased, not expecting much to happen until you heard a knock at the door.

Who could it be? Ben would of told you if he expected someone coming over, and you certainly didn't invite anyone today. Unless... could it be Alex?

You make your way to the front door, nervously checking the peephole before opening the door.

It was Alex's mom.

Taken off guard, you open the front door and are greeted with a polite smile.

"Hey Ms. Roger"

"Hello, (Y/N), it's nice to see you. I was wondering if Alex is here?"

"Uh, no, he isn't, sorry."

"Oh. Well, I remember him saying he was going over to your house yesterday, and didn't see him this morning, so I figured he stayed the night here."

"He didn't come over yesterday."

Her smile fell slightly, becoming more strained.

"He didn't?"

"No, I didn't hear from him at all yesterday."

A tense moment of silence passed as you watched the beginning of panic seep into her face before she managed to compose herself again.

"Did he happen to mention any other plans, or say he was going somewhere?"

"No, I'm sorry."

"Well, thank you for telling me. If you hear from him, would you mind letting me know?"

"Yeah, of course, no problem."

She gave a nod and then turned to leave as you closed the door behind her.

You stood next to the front door, unable to move an inch, as a horrible realization began to dawn on you.

Alex was missing.

And from what his mom had said, he had been missing since yesterday.

Dozens of thoughts flooded your mind as you tried to figure out what this meant.

Could he be at another friend's house? That didn't seem likely. He had a pretty good relationship with his mom from what you could tell. If he did ditch you to see his friends, he would have told her. But now that you're thinking about it, did he have any other friends? You don't remember him mentioning any.

Could he have run away? That didn't make any sense either. He didn't seem unhappy with his home life at all. In fact, he seemed pretty happy. You remember him talking once about how much better his life got after his mom left his dad, and how much more happy he was to live with her.

Could something have... happened to him?

You wrack your brain, trying to put together a timeline. The day before he was supposed to come over, you remembered he had texted you after you had fallen asleep, which would make the earliest he could of disappeared. Was there anything else suspicious that happened that night? You can only recall the nightmare you had and how Ben had overslept the following morning.

Huh.

Slowly, your feet began to move away from the door and further into the house as your memories from the past few days transitioned to memories from a few weeks ago, to the day you found Ben in the basement. How he never told you where he put your father's body, how he kept going down into the basement, and how he never gave you a reason why.

Your only came to a halt when you found yourself staring down at the basement stairs, hesitating for only a moment before you unwillingly descended.

The stairs groan under your weight is both familiar and sickening, each step making you cringe as you expect to hear Ben come around the corner. The dim florescent light made everything look more dingy and washed out than it already was. When you arrived at the bottom, your hands grabbed the doorknob and froze, memories of dozens of different nightmares pleading at you to let go and leave. But you push them all aside. After all, this wasn't a nightmare, right? You turn the knob.

The door is locked.

You had forgotten Ben had put a lock on the door.

You head back up the stairs, a whirl of emotions inside you as you ascend. Relief, disappointment, frustration, dread, but above all of them, a mysterious but undeniable urge to find out what was inside.

You check the key hooks, the pockets of his coats, the junk drawers, anywhere and everywhere, except in Bens room. The mere thought of going inside made you nervous, your heart racing like you were a mouse about to be spotted by a cat. But as you looked at the clock, you realized how much time had passed and how little you had left. If you wanted in, there was no other choice.

A wave of guilt ran over you as you opened his bedroom door.

The room was relatively clean, with only a few odds and ends out of place. The air was stale and cold, holding faint traces of his cologne, something that you would of found comforting under different circumstances.

The search was slow. You had to memorize the layout of the room so that when you would go through his belongings, you could put them back without drawing suspicion. The last thing you wanted was for Ben to find out you had been in here. You already felt ashamed enough as it is, rifling through his room like he was some sort of criminal. Well, he was a criminal, but that was a completely different situation, that one time was justified. And as far as you knew, there might not be a crime at all. It could just be your sleep deprived, stressed-out brain making you paranoid, connecting dots that weren't meant to connect at all.

After going through all the drawers, under his bed, through his dirty clothes pockets, and anywhere else that a person might hide a key, but found nothing. You had lost a lot of the drive that you had before, it being slowly replaced with a terrible sense of guilt and shame for violating your brother's private space.

It didn't occur to you until you finished that maybe it wasn't in the house at all. He could have kept it on his person, stuck on his key ring like his house key was. Why wouldn't he keep it there?

The thought was frustrating, but not as much as it was comforting. You didn't have to invade Ben's space anymore. You could leave, and pretend that you hadn't suspected your brother of killing a kid your age for no good reason, or that Alex was missing, or that he killed anyone at all. You could close the door, go back to your room and go about your day like you always have, living in complete ignorance of the world around you.

As you made your way to the door, you heard the creak of a floorboard, and a memory came back.

When you were both younger, and your father was still alive, Ben had gotten good at the art of stealing money off of him, to help keep the both of you fed when the man couldn't be bothered to. He would open his wallet and take as much money as he could without causing any suspicion, and squirell it away where your father could never find it. One day, Ben had decided it would be a good idea to show you where it was, just in case something had happened to him and you needed to take care of yourself.

He took you into his room, pulled out a loose floorboard near his bed, and found a small wad of cash with strict instructions to only come in here in case of an emergency.

If he were to hide the key in the house, it would be there.

You got down on your knees and pried the floorboard open just like he had showed you.

Underneath, nestled between the underflooring and cobwebs, was the same wad of cash, and a shoebox pushed to the side, away from the opening, so obscured by the shadows that you almost missed it.

You take a moment to carefully memorize exactly where it is and how it's placed, before gingerly reaching down to grab it, careful not to disturb the dirt and debris around it.

You placed it on your lap, surprised at how light it was and the lack of dust on the lid. Anticipation shook your hands as you opened the box.

There was no key.

Instead, a handful of trinkets lay in the box. Some of them were things that seemed completely out of character for Ben to own, like a pair of earrings in the shape of dinosaurs and a pink and orange friendship bracelet that had been cut. Others were less conspicuous, but still odd, like a pristine pin button with the art of an anime character you didn't know and what looked like a scuffed, golden wedding band with the words "Always and Forever" engraved on the inside.

The items were all completely unfamiliar to you, except for two.

One was a bottle opener key chain with the words "Bar Buddy" so worn out that it was barely legible. But you remember what it says. After all, your father had it as long as he had been alive.

The other was a necklace with the pendant facing down.

You pick it up, your hands shaking so back that the pendant trembled in its chain. It flipped, showing you the front, a familiar, metallic minecraft creeper head.

The exact kind that you had seen Alex wear.

You immediately drop it, running out of the room in a blind panic. You could barely see anything, the walls passing by in a blur of motion as you navigated on pure instinct. The only sound was the rapid pace of your feet and the heavy thumping of your heart, until you crashed through your door and landed on the floor in a crumpled heap.

In those moments, the world had shrunk down to nothing other than your ragged breath, the pulse in your ears, and the cold, unforgiving floor that you blindly starred at.

How long were you there? A few seconds? A few minutes? Someone could have told you that you had sat there for an hour and you would have believed it. Every breath was it's own separate eternity that your consciousness would jump towards when one ended. There was no before or after, just one moment of forever that lived whenever your lungs would rise and die when it would fall, only to come alive again with a new intake of air.

Eventually, you felt yourself growing sluggish, your heart slowed to a normal pace, and you became more conscious of the world and yourself. The air felt cool on your skin, slightly clammy from sweat. The afternoon sun was shining from the window, part of it falling on your form, warming you. There was a slight ache in your knees from your fall, and you numbly dimly recognized the feeling of bruises beginning to form.

Like a newborn fawn, you pull yourself up, legs shaking from the after effects of the adrenaline.

That was Alex's necklace. Ben had Alex's necklace, underneath his floorboards, along with your fathers keychain and other trinkets. This was- this meant...

You couldn't finish the thought, your mind numbing over before it could be fully voiced.

You take a step towards the door and stop. You turn away, making your way towards the bed before faltering. Nothing felt right.

What should you do? Call the police? Hello, officer, my brother has a collection of trinkets under his floorboards. No, there's nothing illegal in there per se, but it's odd that he's hiding them, isn't it? Well, yes, the necklace is a mass-produced item sold by a world famous company that millions probably own, but isn't it weird that one used to belong to my friend, and I found it here after he went missing? What do you mean, "circumstantial evidence" and "paranoid nonsense"? Hello, officer, did you hang up?

But you certainly couldn't just ignore this, right? This wasn't nonsense. There has to be something you could do.

In the middle of your musings, you failed to hear the sound of a car pulling up your driveway, or the opening and closing of a car door after. It wasn't until the front door was being unlocked did you hear, and a sharp, terrible dread seized your heart when you realized what it meant.

Ben's home.

His door was still open, and the floorboard was still open, exposing that you had been in there.

By the time you rushed out of your room, Ben was already inside, heading to his room.

So, you did the only thing you could to buy yourself some time.

"WELCOME HOME!" You yell in the most excited voice you can muster.

You ran at him full speed, lept up and tackled him into a hug before he could take another step.

He staggers from the impact, and unable to regain his balance, brings you both down into a controlled fall.

You're still stuck to him like an octopus, face pressed firmly in his shoulder so he doesn't have to see your face.

He ruffles your hair and lets off an amused chuckle.

"It's good to see you, too. What's got you so excited?"

"Nothing, just missed you extra today."

He brings his arms to wrap around you and places his chin to rest on your head as you both stay like that for a quiet moment.

"I missed you too, kid."

You feel him begin to pull out of the hug. In your panic panic, you tighten your grip.

"How was your day?"

His arms stop trying to leave you, and instead rest on you loosely.

"Eh."

Eh? You needed more than that.

"That bad?"

You felt his shoulders shrug.

"Not bad, just boring, like any other work day."

How were you supposed to keep him distracted with a response like that? Is this how deers feel when they see the oncoming headlights of a car? You scramble to find a way to keep the conversation going.

"That's gotta suck, knowing that most days are gonna be like that. There's not a lot to look forward to."

"That's not true, I always have you."

Your heart seizes in your chest. Under normal circumstances, you would of responded back in kind, letting him know you enjoyed him coming home to you, too. But you couldn't say that and be totally honest, not now, anyway. The mere thought threatened to make you cry. Instead, you nuzzled his shoulder, hoping it's a good substitute. He chuckled and tightened his grip before speaking again.

"That reminds me, did you check the mail today? There's a package that was supposed to be delivered today."

You fling out of his arms, sitting straight up. This was perfect.

"Nope! Completely forgot."

You climb off of him and begin making your way to the front door.

"I'll check now!"

You hear him sputter, not expecting you to leave so fast.

"You don't have to check it now, kid, it can wait."

You're already at the doorway, slipping your shoes on without bothering to tie the laces.

"Don't worry, I got it." You yelled.

You're out of the door before you can hear him get up, bolting down the walkway, heading straight to the only place you can think of.

You almost run face-first into the door, stopping yourself before you could give yourself a bloody nose. Without sparing a second, you knock on the door.

"Mrs. Roger? Mrs. Roger? It's me, (Y/N)! Are you there?"

Were you being to loud? Could Ben hear? Tears form in the corner of your eyes and you pound on the door harder, glancing over your shoulder to your house. You only stopped when you heard the door begin to unlock.

The door opens, and Mrs. Roger's head appears from behind it, face pinched in panic and confusion.

"(Y/N), what's wrong?"

"Please, let me in, it's an emergency."

"What do you mean, what-"

"Please, you need to let me in now."

She hesitates for a moment, before opening the door and ushering you in. She barely closes the door behind you before her hands are on your shoulder, guiding you to the living room and sitting you down on the couch.

Had Ben made it to his room yet? Did he figure out what you knew? Did he see you running towards Alex's house? Would he come looking for you in here?

Each new question made your heart jump in your chest, and horrible, nauseating dread settle in your gut.

"(Y/N), can you hear me, what happened?"

What happened? How do you even begin to explain what happened? Did you even have the time?

Your breath was rugged, and your hands gripped the couch like a lifeline. Your eyes never made contact with hers, staring blankly ahead.

You hardly register her rubbing your back, trying fruitlessly to soothe your panic. Her voice is soft but urgent.

"Is it Alex?"

You nod. That was the only thing you could be sure of. There was no way that necklace wasn't his.

"Is he hurt?"

Your knuckles go white from how tight your grip is. How do you answer that?

"(Y/N), this is important, I need you to answer. Is Alex at your house?"

You didn't know that one either. Is he at your house? Is your father with him? What about the other trinkets you found in that box? Each had to belong to someone. Where did Ben put them? In the basement?

The image of that horrible night flashed in your mind, of the first time you saw Ben in the basement, with him bent over your fathers body as he took it apart, separating the joints into small, easily movable parts.

Without warning, the image of your father's corpse is overlaid with Alex's friendly, welcoming face, his body covered in blood and viscera, dismembered before your mind's eye.

You cover your mouth before you can let out a sob, your body shaking with horror.

How do you tell her that? How do you tell a mother that her child had one of the worst fates imaginable? Where do you even begin?

The couch shifts as Mrs. Roger gets up, heading toward the door.

"(Y/N), I'm going over to your house. I need you to stay here, okay?"

You spring off the couch, startling both of you into stopping.

"No! Don't! You can't!" It's all you can get out, your emotions too strong for anything else.

"(Y/N), if he's hurt I need to see him. Stay here."

The words choke you, forming a lump in your throat, and you can't speak. How can you make her understand?

She was in the hallway, a few steps from the front door and even fewer from being out of your line of sight when you heard the front door open and close.

You see her eyes go wide.

"Who are you?"

There's the sound of a heavy step near the door.

And the sound of her lighter one as she steps back.

Another step forward.

And another back.

Forward.

And back.

It goes on like that until you see a tall, familiar shadow along the wall, and you tremble.

You see Ben emerge, his face dark and focused as he slowly makes his way to Mrs. Roger. His movements are fluid, practiced, and silent, except for his footsteps. His eyes briefly flickered towards you, before being drawn back to the terrified woman in front of him.

Distantly, you recall the time you saw a stray cat in your backyard, hunting the birds and other small animals that lived there. It would stalk forward, body carefully controlled so it wouldn't be noticed. But on occasion, it would make a noise, and its prey would hear. The commotion would be over in a few seconds, the cat always able to overtake the animal before killing it, walking away triumphantly with its limp body dangling from its mouth.

Mrs. Roger's steps got faster, more panicked before she turned and fled.

Ben gave chase.

They both left your line of sight, and you stood there, completely frozen in fear as you helplessly listened to to the noises coming from the other room.

It was only a few seconds.

The sounds of rapid, uncoordinated footfall moved away from you. A blood-chilling shriek cut off with the sound of shattered glass, followed by the dull thud of a body hitting the floor.

Then silence.

It's enough to shake you out of your stupor, and your mind desperately tries to catch up with reality.

You can't run, he's too fast and too close, you would end up caught, and he would... what he would do after is not important right now.

There was no way to try and talk your way out of this, not after what he just did. He's beyond reason at this point.

You jump at the sound of footsteps calmly making their way back towards the living room.

Without thinking, you push yourself behind the couch, tucking yourself behind the tiny, dust-filled space between the furniture and the wall.

Only a second after you pull your foot in, you hear the steps transition from hitting the hardwood of the hallway to the carpet of the living room. Your pulse quickens the closer he gets

Calm down, deep breaths...

You draw a slow, shaky breath, and count.

One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... Seven...

He reached the center of the room.

You exhale, counting again.

One.. Two.. Three.. Four.. Five.. Six.. Seven..

The footsteps approach the couch. Tears prick your eyes and a lump forms in your throat. You cover your mouth to try and suppress the sob trying to climb its way out.

Deep breath in.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.

The steps have stopped, and you close your eyes.

Exhale.

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven

OneTwoThreeFourFiveSixSeven

Out

You don't bother counting anymore.

Your heart sounds so loud to your ears.

Your eyes are warm and puffy, with your face wet with tears.

Why hasn't he moved yet?

"(Y/N)?"

You open your eyes, slowly turning towards the opening between the couch and the wall.

It's Ben. He's standing at the opening, staring down at you, his face unreadable.

"Come out."

No one moves.

"If you don't come out, I'm going in to get you."

You scooch further into.

He heaves a heavy sigh, before bending down to pick up the end of the couch and pushing it aside.

You stumble to your feet, hoping to make a mad dash away from him and out the front door, but you hardly make it to your feet before he grabs you, pinning you to his chest.

You yell so loud it makes your throat hurt, and he almost immediately brings his hand over your mouth to muffle your cries. His arms wrap around you like a cage, keeping you immobile. No matter how much you kick, struggle, or scream, he doesn't budge, but it doesn't stop you from trying.

"Shhhhh. It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you. You're okay. You're fine. Calm down, kid."

It lasts for only a few minutes. Your sharp kicks to his legs grew weaker and your erratic thrashing slowed, until you fell limp in his grip, and your hysterical shrieking became nothing more than quiet whimpers against his hand.

"Are you calm now?"

You give a nod, throat too sore to speak.

He takes his hand away from your mouth, it slightly sticking to your skin from the dried tears and snot.

"Good."

You both stood there for a moment, still entrapped in his hold as silence engulfed the room. It gave you time to look at this stranger's living room you had invaded. The couch was left askew, the carpet dirty from you and Ben walking on it with your shoes on, there were framed photographs placed on the shelves and tables, some older photos of what you assume is Alex as a child, some older with his mom and looking much happier, all with stories you would never get to know. Your eyes stray towards the windows with its curtains drawn, afternoon sunlight peeking through between them. It would be dinner time soon.

Ben took a deep breath and then let go of you, your body sagging with the sudden loss of his support.

"Sit down, we have a lot to talk about."

It was easy to comply, your body sinking into the couch, and then in on itself as you pulled your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs. You chin rested on your knees, and you kept your head looking straight ahead, unable to look at Ben as he sat down beside you.

"Why did you go in my room?"

He didn't sound angry or accusatory, but disappointed. Exasperated, even. Like you were caught staying up past your bedtime.

"I know you were in there, (Y/N), I saw the box on the floor."

You curl up tighter into yourself, and his voice grows sharper.

"Was it the money? Were you trying to steal from me?"

You rapidly shake your head, still facing away from him.

"Don't lie to me, why else would you look under the floorboards? You know that's where I keep the emergency money. What do you need it for? I feed you, clothe you, keep you safe. Hell, was the new room and furniture not enough? And then what, you run away to the neighbor's house when you're about to get caught? Choosing a stranger over your own brother? That's a low blow, (Y/N)."

You didn't speak. You didn't move. You could barely think, his growing anger causing a thick fog of panic to overtake your mind. You could only stare ahead, away from him.

"Goddamn it, don't ignore me."

His hand darts out to grab your shoulder. You let out a shriek and jerk away.

He recoils back in surprise, face blank.

You hurl yourself to the farthest end of the couch, watching him from the corner of your eye as you huddle further into yourself.

You watch him as he turns away from you, his leg bouncing, back bent forward as he rests his elbows on his knees and with his hands clasped together. He looks away from you, eyes distant and a troubled look on his face.

He looks almost exactly like he did that night when you found him with your father's body.

You swallow, trying to wet your dry, sore throat. It hurts.

"I was looking for the key."

Your voice is hoarse and cracks a little, but it's more than enough for both of you to hear.

His leg stops bouncing, and he faces towards you, looking less troubled and more confused.

"What key?"

"The basement key."

His mouth pulls into a grimace.

"Why were you trying to go in there? I thought we were over this."

Your heart skips a beat as you reply.

"Mrs. Roger came over. She said Alex was missing."

Helplessly, you watch his face freeze and slowly contort in anger. His lips pressed thin as his jaw clenched, brows knitted together.

Subconsciously, you start to lean away, clutching your legs close to your chest.

He notices, and the anger passes almost instantly, and instead, he seems... ashamed? You weren't sure. You could count on your hand the number of times Ben has been ashamed. Seeing him like so vulnerable makes a small part of you want to say something to reassure him, but you smother it down. There's no comfort here.

And just like that, the moment is gone, quickly replaced by a stoic expression as he turns away from you to stare at the coffee table in front of him.

"So you hear your friend is missing and immediately think I'm the one who did it?"

"It's more than that."

And it was. The flimsy story Ben gave you when he killed your father, him being mysterious about his reasons for going to the basement, the lock on the basement door, how he insisted that Alex come over yet started insulting him the first chance he got. It was never just one thing.

"I wasn't wrong, was I?"

He sat there like he was thinking over what you said.

"You always were a smart kid, (Y/N), I don't know why I ever treated you like you were dumb."

Dimly, you realized this was the closest thing to a confession that you were ever going to get.

"Mrs. Roger, is she dead?" You rasped.

"No, she's only unconscious."

That confused you. He didn't kill her?

Perhaps your bewilderment showed on your face, as he clarified his statement.

"I checked her pulse, she's still alive. I'm not gonna kill her yet."

You shifted in your seat as you grip your arms tighter. The nails dug into your skin.

"Yet?"

"She'll be coming back with us. Whether she lives or not is up to how you behave."

You wet your lips, trying to prepare yourself to ask the question you've had on your mind since you found the shoebox in his room.

"What are you going to do with me?"

He turned towards you, brows furrowed in confusion.

"I'm taking you home. Some things will have to change, but we can work that out when we're home."

You don't answer, staring back at him.

A slight frown begins to form on his face.

"What did you think was going to happen?"

You don't know what to say.

"You don't think I'm going to hurt you, do you?"

Your eyes dart away, unable to meet his gaze. You know you can't give him the answer he wants.

Your voice is like a child's, small and quiet.

"I don't know."

Something in him deflates, his body seeming to sink into itself as he looks at you with the expression of a kicked dog.

"(Y/N), you're my only family, there's nothing that could make me hurt you. All of this-" He gestures vaguely.

"-doesn't change that. You're the most important thing in my life, you always have been. Everything I've done, it's been for your sake."

"Alex was my friend." You can't help but sound indignant.

"He would of hurt you, kid. People always do."

"You don't know that. He could of been different."

Ben let out a sigh, tiredness seeping into his voice.

"I know you don't believe me now, but you will eventually."

The rest of the evening was fairly straightforward after that. Ben went to clean up the mess that left the both of you left behind. Everything from the shattered glass, the dirt on the carpet, the messed up furniture and more was fixed. You weren't sure if it was cleaner than it was when you first came in.

He took the time to bind and gag Mrs. Roger. Not that you saw him, he was adamant that you remain in the living room while he took care of everything. That was fine, you didn't want to be more involved than you already were.

So you spent the next hour sitting in silence, thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

When he was done, he sat down on the far side of the couch, texting on a phone you didn't recognize.

"What's that?"

He glanced your way before turning his attention back to the screen.

"Her phone." He made a gesture towards where Mrs. Roger lay.

You swallowed.

"What are you doing?"

"Quiting her job for her. She doesn't seem to have any close friends either, so this should buy us some time before someone notices she's gone."

Buy us some time.

You turn away from him and stare at the window, curtains drawn but doing little to block out the fading light. How long have you been here? Was it dinner time already? Did you leave out chicken or pork to thaw? What was Ben planning to cook tonight?

You spend the rest of the time in that house obsessively thinking about what dinner and a normal evening would have looked like, playing different scenes in your head. Everything from pad thai, alfredo with chicken, roasted pork loin, store-bought frozen lasagna, home-cooked soup. Sometimes it would be him cooking the meal by himself, sometimes you would be helping him, and other times it was only you, trying your best to cobble up a decent meal. But no matter how many different variations you thought of, you could never picture you and Ben sitting down together and eating. That didn't stop you from trying, though. If you could just find the right scenario where everything goes right, maybe you could eat together, and spend the rest of your evening like you always have, in peace.

A hand rests on your shoulder.

"It's time."

You snap out of your daydreams and look around only to see your neighbor's living room cast in shadow, the only light coming from the neighbor's porch lights. You don't remember watching it get this dark before.

You nod, and slowly get up, following Ben out of the room.

The plan was to leave in the middle of the night, exit through Mrs. Roger's backyard and enter through yours. Ben would carry her, and you would carry the bag of containing the remnants of the glass vase that Ben used to knock her out.

She was still unconscious as Ben was carrying her. At first, you felt relieved, knowing that you wouldn't have to watch her struggle and plead to be let go, and then felt guilty over it. But as you made your way to the back of the house and saw Ben heft her limp body across his shoulders, the relief vanished. With each step he took, her body would sway unnaturally. Her blood-encrusted head would move like it could pop off any second.

You found yourself wanting to reach out and take her pulse, not fully trusting Ben's word that she was alive. But both your hands were in a death grip on the plastic bag containing the glass, and the cables around her wrist would have made it impossible. So you settled for watching her like a hawk, making careful note of every movement she made as all three of you entered the house.

Your house was just as dark and silent as the neighbor's. If it wasn't for Ben guiding your way, you would hardly be able to navigate your way through the rooms.

He made his way to the living room and set Mrs. Roger on the couch, then turned towards you.

"I'll be right back, stay here."

He didn't wait for a response before turning away and going further into the house.

For a moment, you stood there in the middle of the living room, bag clutched in your hand, as you watched Ben disappear in the dark.

When he was out of sight, a thought appeared in your head.

"This is your chance. You can leave. If you're quick enough, he won't be able to catch you before you're able to get help."

You could feel your eyes go wide at the thought, your heart beat picking up in anticipation of the chase.

But you didn't move towards the door. Instead, you slowly bent downwards to gingerly place the bag on the floor, before going over to the couch where Mrs. Roger lay.

Your eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness, allowing you to see her better. Her hair covered her face haphazardly, and her arms were positioned uncomfortably, one under her and the other falling off the couch with her hand touching the floor. Her legs were no better, and her clothes sat off-kilter, her shirt half untucked, pulling at her in odd directions.

The most remarkable thing, however, was the slight rise and fall of her chest.

Ben didn't kill her, she was alive.

You found your breathing syncing with hers the longer you stood there, her slower heart rate forcing you to calm down, giving you a moment of respite.

But then you heard Ben's heavy steps approaching you, and the moment was gone.

You turn around and make out a pair of handcuffs and his somber face.

"Let's go."

His hand weighs on your shoulder as he guides you through the dark towards the attic. You appreciate it more then you should. You were light headed, and the world felt strange around you, the hallways, framed pictures, and even your own room no longer felt familiar. You might as well be back in Alex's house.

He closes the door behind you, and maneuvers you to sit on the bed.

You wrap your hands around yourself, trying to think of ways to delay what you knew was inevitable.

He reaches over to snap on the cuffs onto your bed frame. The noise is deafening.

He looks towards you expectantly. You hug yourself tighter, the grip starting to hurt. It grounds you, if only a little.

"Please." Your throat is still hoarse, and you're too exhausted to say anything more.

At least he has the decency to look apologetic.

"I don't like this either, and I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to, but I can't trust you not to leave."

His free hand goes to your shoulder again.

"So, let's just do this the easy way, okay?"

The unspoken implications of what the hard way would be floating in the air between the both of you.

You sniff, and then hold out your shaky hand, trying hard to blink away the tears.

He takes his hand off your shoulder.

"Thank you."

You watch as the cuff clicks into places, the sound like a gunshot to your ears. The cold from the metal burns on your wrist, sapping it of what little heat you have.

You're stuck there, staring at your constraints, unaware of anything else in the room until Ben speaks again, his voice soft and tender.

"It won't be forever, kid. I'll find something else, something better. And that won't be forever, either. Things will go back to normal. Not anytime soon, but they will, when I can trust you again."

He pauses.

"We'll be okay. I promise."

The words roll off of you, and you continue to stare at your wrist. He sits in the silence with you, before the bed creaks as he stands up and makes his way towards the door, steps slow and meandering. He lingers at the door before you hear the door hinges creak as he closes it.

His muffled footsteps grow softer until they as they fade away. It's only after they're gone that you feel truly alone.

#yandere #platonic yandere #yandere platonic #yander x reader #x reader #gn reader #yandere original character

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todayitwillrainblood · 1 month ago

Text

★ a wine for the sunset,

a/n: im so sorry for the delay, i had a lot of things going on at home. thank you for being patient, i'll be returning to my normal routine of an update every other day.

on a side note, i've never actually personally been to build a bear, but i have seen a bunch of videos growing up and what not, so i shouldn't mess up that bad.

this fic is super goofy, and the fourthwall is broken a bunch, either by narration or gun and goo purposely spoiling it up. enjoy!

btw, gun's voice message for his bear was...inspired by a reddit post. (I was lost okay?!)

☆ masterlist!

⟲ synopsis;

gun and goo went to build-a-bear!

— "ARE YOU OKAY?" gun has been zoning out while waiting for goo. seriously, the man took longer than a woman in a corset to get ready.

"not after waiting so long," he barked back...gently.

goo grinned, "great! you're still you, i thought i lost you there!"

he swung his arm around gun's shoulder, dragging him in the process, "it's not like you to be late, gun! how come tod—"

"you made us late."

"huh," he stole a look at gun, "are you sure this—" he gestured dramatically to himself, with his one free hand, "—doesn't make up for it?"

gun followed the movement of goo's hands, letting out a low whistle. he hooked a finger to goo's collar, tugging at it, "i'm more interested in what's under this." he grinned toothily, proud at the flush that now covered goo's neck.

goo coughed into his mouth, looking away with a loosening grip on gun's neck.

gun's lips twitched up, having him right where he wanted, he leaned in, his head just centimeters away...but, a blaring horn broke their sugar sweet moment.

"ah, our bus is here."

"how awful." despite the interruption, gun still snuck a kiss to goo's lips before promptly dragging him to the bus.

the bus wasn't their first choice, or second, it was purely because of the journey there, not the destination itself.

the build-a-bear they chose was out of the city, and although it was no problem getting there by either of their cars, it would have been deadly romantic too, this bus, which allowed only a certain number of people, stopped by a gorgeous cherry farm; which was hell to get into normally.

they didn't want to get to the specifics, after all, they were almost on the bus—

"excuse me...?"

gun barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. they really aren't getting a break today, are they?

he turned around to the sound of the voice; it was a young boy holding the hand of his grandmother; they presumed.

she was frail, a stick in one hand and fiercely holding on to the boy with the other.

the boy gathered the courage to speak, "uh..there are only two seats left. we would have reached earlier but i'm sure you can understand why not," every other word he spoke, intesified the glare gun donned, and the kid cowered more with every passing second, "...please?"

gun and goo beat people up for fun! so, a kid and his grandma shouldn't be all it needs to make them succumb—who am i kidding, watch the losers sitting on the faraway sidewalk sharing a coke the kid offered as a 'thanks'.

"how pathetic," goo murmured, dunking half the coke down his throat, leaving the other half for gun.

"can you believe we are thugs?" gun groaned, his head in his hands, deeply ashamed.

"respectable thugs, apparently," goo shrugged. "well, we can say bye to that lame cherry farm."

"it wasn't lame when you were squealing about it."

can you believe these words are coming out of gun's mouth? squealing? really? that's a big boy right there, can you believe.

bet you can believe the smack gun got on his head, though.

they sat there for several more minutes, sweat pooling on their skin and dampening their sleek clothes and hair.

"we can still go to that factory, i'll drive," goo offered.

"you'll drive the day i wanna die."

"then, you drive! its so far away that i had booked us a hotel to stay in for the night too," goo bit back, putting his face all up in gun's.

gun signed, took one last pitiful sip of his cola, and got up, "fine."

taking a drive along with goo meant having to listen to songs he chose, or he would whine and threaten to take over the wheel by force. it wasn't that his taste was bad or something...it just doesn't suit him.

—"ruby-chan!"

"hai~"

—"nani ga suki?"

"choko minto yori mo a•na•ta♡"

goo singing along to a song equivalent to a slice of life anime wasn't exactly a sight you see every day (for the common man at least, gun got to see it even when he did not ask for it.)

between you and me, were goo ever to stop, gun is willing to pay him just so he continues.

moving on, after three gas station stops, one oopsies (gun spilled his canned coffee all over goo, when they hit a particularlt rough road. but! not to worry, goo carries like four different outfits at any time he has to step outside the house), and two speeding tickets later, they were finally here — build-a-bear.

it was simple, first you grab the skin!

"woah, that sounds wrong."

"what do you mean wrong? i've seen you skin a bunch of men for fun, you can't pick a fabric skin for what plushie you want?"

"gun, you—!"

next! you pick the clothes.

"since this is you, i'd rather keep it without."

"gun—"

ehem, after the clothes (or lack thereof), you pick the accessories.

"hm, naked and a diamond necklace, the whole french fuck."

"the titanic was not even based in france—"

now, a voice box! generally, if you go with someone, you record your audio away from each, as a surprise. and for you dear reader, since you have been tagging along for so long, it'll also be a surprise! tee-hee~ (they exchanged the voice boxes, so gun got goo's message in a bear that looked like him and vice versa.)

"so, you stuff half of it with the cotton," gun and goo did as the employee directed, "put your voicebox wherever you'd like. a lot of people prefer it over the heart. after you're done, put in the rest of the cotton."

"hmm, it really is you," gun had a blonde bear, with tinted orange hair, because 'it suits goo,' after being forced to pick clothes, gun had decided on a long dark blue overcoat, with a singular blue pendant under it. it was a resemblance to their first date night, goo had met him wearing a long overcoat and nothing under it, they had ditched dinner and crashed at gun's place for nearly a week. (the pendant was just a memo for the first movie they saw together, and also because, since gun is an artist, goo had begged him to recreate his favourite scene. they were busy for another week...)

"i guess i could say the same?"

goo had chosen a black bear, while simultaneously calling it the big bad wolf, 'you even have the teeth for it'. (ps; he did!) the bear had gun's signature yellow shirt and dark jeans, and a little belt that sometimes got lost under all that fluff. and, although it had taken time, goo had managed to switch out the eyes with custom ones, to match gun's. he had also gotten a pair of black sunglasses, ones that could be removed too! for the eyes!!!

"how adorable," an employee remarked while carefully packing the bears in two separate boxes, "i'm guessing this is you two?"

"unless he has a side-piece, yeah."

gun got a nasty glare for his nasty tongue.

anyway! after paying and taking their own bear-boxes, gun, and goo headed to the car, where they finally heard the messages. knowing gun, it was best to do it where no one else could hear.

"squeeze me harder."

goo flushed, he knew that gun was going to squeeze in whatever dirty thing he could. (get it? get it??)

"i know you like my head."

that was a tiny jab to the first time goo went down on gun, he knew he was good, please. gun was just too prideful to admit it.

gun replayed the message over and over, before pausing and meeting goo's eyes, "i think i've forgotten, why don't you show me how it feels?"

#dear reader #gun and goo are a little shy #so no nsfw!#on another note #i have been imagining little bear gun and goo #its adorable!#gun park #joongoo kim #gun x goo #lookism

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homestuckreplay · 6 months ago

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Webcomics at Day 100 #8: El Goonish Shive

Pages read: 1/21/2002 – 12/27/2002 & 4/14/2009 – 12/29/2009; about 300 pages (including author’s commentary)

Reason for selection: To be honest I just wanted to read it. It’s best known for its real-time exploration of transgender themes via science fiction technology as author Dan Shive (along with many others on the internet) explores his personal experience with gender.

Current status: Ongoing since 2002 with no major hiatuses; update schedule has varied but is currently three times a week for the main comic.

Content warnings: nonconsensual gender transformations, non-explicit sexual themes with 16-17 year old characters, cultural appropriation (Japanese language; dreamcatchers), period typical sexism and homophobia (early strips only)

Note: To the best of my understanding, Dan Shive uses he/him pronouns, but if anyone has a recent source stating otherwise please let me know and I’ll revise this post.

Overall thoughts:

‘And then Susan was all like "I am NOT your strawman", hit me with a hammer, and developed into one of my most favoritist characters ever in anything.’ (Commentary for 5/29/2002)

On August 1, 2014, as part of a Patreon goal, Dan Shive began going through the archives of his already long running webcomic, adding author’s commentary to early strips. In the twelve years between making and commenting on his 2002 comics, Shive has gone from being a teenager with no formal artistic experience who’s absorbed the sexist attitudes of his culture, to an experienced artist and writer with a vision for his project and an honesty about his process who’s ready to be both excited and critical about his early work.

Shive states several times that his commentary isn’t designed to be read on a first read of EGS, but I personally disagree. Around May 2002 in the archives, I realized I was reading for the extremely compelling commentary and not the then-fairly mediocre comic. Shive’s clear excitement for future storylines and regular references to his improvement as an artist and person gave me the drive to keep reading, knowing the upward journey ahead of me. The commentary also provides an alternate, twisting path through the narrative, frequently linking back to previous comics when they’re relevant to help the reader notice foreshadowing and continuity, which is really helpful for a new reader taking in lots of information at once – and I like seeing an author clearly proud of himself for his hard work foreshadowing, where some creators might be dismissive of the feat or ignore it altogether.

EGS – named for the ‘goons’ hired by supervillains - begins by focusing on regular(ish) high schoolers Tedd, Elliot and Sarah, and top-secret lab experiment squirrelgirl Grace. Tedd has a mad science laboratory in his home where he creates questionable technology, including a laser gun that can change the target’s species and biological sex. The characters form relationships and experiment with this technology. When Elliot gets ‘stuck’ in a female form, an adventure to restore his original form ends in his male and female forms becoming two separate entities, after which point Ellen, the female version, explores her existence as essentially the human form of Elliot’s removed curse, and achieves self-actualization while fighting a giant pile of goo.

Ellen’s identity exploration in October 2002 was when I began to connect emotionally with the comic itself, and I started noticing improvement in the art in November. Shive improves massively in the first year, and even he’s surprised by it – a character casually mentions that he’s gay in June 2002, and Shive’s commentary says that he doesn’t remember this happening so early. 2002’s ‘Sister’ arc, which runs for around nine months, uses a board game metaphor to describe the story beats – it’s a little clunky in places, but I like what it’s going for. By 2009, Shive is far more confident with complex emotional arcs, and with balancing serious/comedic and magic/realist elements in his story, which can only come from those first efforts to improve.

‘You look in the mirror, but someone else looks back. You remember a life you never had, one that cannot be yours. You are the piece that does not fit, you don’t belong in this game. The board has been knocked over, you shall be swept away…’ (Strip title (!!) for 10/02/2002)

Shive is an anime fan and former martial artist, and the comic assumes a knowledge of anime – especially anime fight scenes – that I just don’t have. However, Shive is good at citing his influences, mentioning Ranma ½, Dragon Ball Z, Pokemon and The X-Files as inspiring specific choices, among others. With the exception of an excruciating ‘how dare you not get that reference’ in-comic moment in June 2009, knowledge of Shive’s influences isn’t necessary to enjoy EGS; he’s just giving credit where it’s due.

EGS begins with a typical newspaper format – a horizontal black and white four-panel strip, with a full color A4 strip on Sundays. Although Shive never experiments with animated or interactive elements, he plays around with the strip format and panel size in the early years. In July 2002, Shive uses three-panel strips describing the actual continuity, with a fourth horizontal panel below containing events that ‘don’t actually happen’. Shive also tries out using the comic’s title for extra information, as in May 2002’s ‘Jeremy is Juggling Dinner Plates Off-Screen in the Last Three Panels’. By 2009, the majority of comics fill an A4 page in shaded grayscale, a format that carries through to this day. In an August 2009 author’s commentary, Shive considers how a scene would look if animated, but doesn’t express any desire to actualize on this.

My favorite thing about EGS is how Shive discusses his characters. In his commentary, he addresses ‘past me’ with criticism like ‘you should at least have a decent reason if you're going to make Grace upset like that’, or says he ‘honestly didn't want to write commentary’ for a strip where Ellen was upset, showing a really strong emotional connection to the leads. He also addresses the characters directly in commentary, and discusses them as though they have agency beyond his own, for example, ‘I gave Tedd access to something he could totally abuse without anyone knowing, and he didn't’. He’s very interested in alternate universes of his own story, claiming to be an Elliot/Tedd shipper since 2002 despite their not being canon in the main comic, and creates the EGS: NewsPaper subcomic for non-canon storylines.

Among literary writers and critics, it’s very unfashionable to discuss characters this way, but a lot of mainstream and hobbyist writers (including me!) have had these experiences. I think it’s human instinct to connect with other people, and it’s a strength that we’re able to create the idea of a guy and see them as real, like when we see a face in the clouds or in raindrops running down a windscreen. It helps with having compassion for real people we’ve never met. And while it’s definitely not the only way to look at characters, an author being so excited and invested about their own OCs definitely helps me get excited about them too.

The first villain introduced in the comic is a sentient pile of goo, accidentally made by Tedd in science class. The goo, which can mold and change shape, becomes a recurring enemy – an ultimate shapechanger for a story that’s so deeply focused on transformations. It’s a story about malleability and getting the chance to physically shape yourself into the person you want to be, and at its start, it’s definitely a wish fulfilment comic. That applies to lots of things that a young person might think is cool – the existence of an ‘anime martial arts’ class, getting a squirrelgirl gf who walks around your house naked, breaking in to government facilities to steal jewels – but applies especially to the transformations.

Actually, no, the title of this comic [‘The Real Reason for the Male/Female Options on the TF Gun’] is such a liar. It is lying super hard. I don't care if that's a spoiler. I'm just gonna say it. Liar liar, metaphorical pants on all SORTS of fire. I'm not 100% sure, but I think this is yet another example of me basically saying "not that that sort of thing interests me and has been on my mind for nearly literally as long as I can remember" (and only "nearly" because I think my earliest memory involves looking out at a porch or something and I'm pretty sure I wasn't thinking about being stuck as one sex at the time and how that was not a preferred state of being). (Commentary for 5/28/2002)

Relevance to Homestuck: [spoilers for Act 6]

‘Alright, someone send a message to past me to send a message to his past me telling past-past me to get back to me in regard to…’ (Commentary for 8/28/2002)

Both Homestuck and EGS are known for causing fans’ queer and transgender awakenings, which leads to a particularly powerful personal connection between the fans and the comic. Both feature characters with uncommon experiences of gender and sexuality, and characters who begin life as regular humans but develop animal traits. Both also feature multiple versions of the same character spread across different timelines and universes, and both even use the terms ‘alpha’ and ‘beta’ to distinguish between these versions. They explore identity in similar ways, including a focus on whether one version of a character can ever be the ‘true’ version, and the different potential versions of ourselves we all have the power to become depending on what choices we make, thereby exploring free will as it relates to identity formation. In both cases, this broader theme is explicitly connected to how characters choose to express their genders.

Also in both, the theme of gender is obvious from early on – before the authors themselves were fully aware of it. The exploration of this theme does date both comics, as understandings of gender among online queer communities have radically progressed in the past decade, but both are attempting to reflect changing understandings – Shive uses sex and gender interchangeably in early EGS strips, but becomes attuned to the distinction as time passes – and both are radically ahead of the mainstream media of their time. I’d also argue they better represent trans peoples’ real experiences of gender, instead of the ways we might describe our genders to cis people – but others might disagree.

Both comics start off with a very fast update schedule, which rapidly slows down over the course of the story in response to the author’s changing schedule – in both cases this dramatically affects the pace of the story, and storylines which would finish in months instead take years. EGS’ ‘Sister’ arc includes 158 comics released over 9 months in 2002-2003, while ‘Sister II’ includes 133 pages over 21 months in 2008-2010. This means that in-universe time passes far slower than real time, Homestuck famously taking two and a half years to cover a single in-universe day, and EGS taking nine years to cover eleven in-universe weeks. In Homestuck, Hussie is already much older than the characters at the story’s start, but in EGS this has major implications for an author who began as a peer of the characters aging much faster than they do – this has been softened by an in-universe timeskip.

Both comics contain occasional author-driven retcons; while Homestuck’s famous examples concern the characters’ race, EGS’ concern better characterization, and Shive is more open about them. A June 2002 comic contains an altered line of dialog from Susan, as well as a link to the original version, and the explanation ‘If I had to somehow explain how both the new and original version could be canon, my explanation would be this: The original was what Tedd imagined Susan was saying!’ (commentary for 6/27/2002).

There’s also some clear differences. While Homestuck becomes a collaborative project over time with Hussie moving into more of a director role, EGS continues to be one person’s very weird, unedited vision, with little outside input. It also primarily contains actual foreshadowing, instead of the ‘retroactive foreshadowing’ described by Hussie in their end of Act 2 Q&A.

Q: Is Tedd REALLY a guy? A: Yes! Well 99-- um, make that 95% certain. 90%. Yup. 80% certain he's a guy. Totally. ...65% certain. (EGS FAQ, archived on 2/13/2002)

Continue reading? Definitely. It’s not without problems, but I think EGS is important to the trans community, and I think Shive is an attentive, dedicated and gifted storyteller with a deep love for his own work, which is rare to find in something so long-running.

#webcomics 100 #egs #el goonish shive #i did originally want to do these fully in character but later hs (and just later years in general) tends to be Very relevant #this post is sorta from 2002 and 2009 and 2014 and 2024 all at once #which is very homestuck in itself tbh #chrono

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sandyca5tle · 5 months ago

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Slimeshifter HRT - Month 3(/28)

Well, hello again, I’m back after what feels like ages (even if it’s only been a couple months), but instead of Slime HRT I’m bringing you Shapeshifter/Polymorph HRT (not sure which I’m going with, Shapeshifter’s what I default to, but Polymorph is a more technical name (also seen ‘Omnimorph’ thrown around, but not really a fan of that myself) we’ll see how it shakes out).

Before I get into my new changes tho, I’ve actually got some life updates: We got a job! In Hyper City of all places. It’s not very glamorous or anything, it’s just cleaning/washing up glasses and stuff, but it pays the bills - turns out that, with the control I’ve learnt over my acidity, I can actually clean things like that very well, just kinda melt all of the dirt and grime off, and eat it up. It can take a little while to do it, since I have to be careful not to damage the glasses, but I’ve gotten really good at it, and it’s helped my acid control too, so win-win there, not to mention with additional limbs I can then polish multiple of the glasses at once (although only like, two at a time, otherwise it’s hard to quality control)

On top of the new job, I also got a place to live in Hyper City too, just a simple apartment for myself. It doesn’t make the commute that much different, but it lets me deal with a few less weird looks from people, and I can be nosy at all the cool things here, not to mention it makes attending appointments just that bit easier too. Not to mention I can meet my friends and partner easier here too - it being only like a twenty minute trip from anywhere on Earth makes it an amazing meet up point.

Anyways, on with the transition update!

Unfortunately there’s really not much to say at this point, it being early on and stuff, much like with the start of my Slime HRT, but I have been paying very close attention and trying to spot anything that seems off, so I have a few things to talk about.

First thing, and honestly I’m not sure if this is the tail end of Slime HRT or the beginning of Shapeshifter HRT, but I feel very connected to my whole body. Now, I say I’m not exactly sure which transition this is exactly, because Slime HRT definitely kinda removed the distinction between body parts, at least as humans understand it as I only really have two now - my core, and my slime - so everything I make with my slime is just part of that, which definitely led to a greater sense of wholeness and connection to my body (also y’know, the whole feeling more comfortable in my goo helps). But this is new, it’s like I almost kinda know what each part of my body is doing - which I know sounds weird to say, like ofc I know what my body’s doing, it’s my body - but to use a human analogy, humans don’t know what their organs are up to 98% of the time, other than hoping they’re doing their job, so it’s kinda like if a human knew that for certain? The line’s a lot blurrier with slime biology, but idk, it feels more like my mind properly extends all throughout my body, rather than just being in a centralised location, even if (I think) I know it’s all stored in my core.

This change has both improved my dexterity - being able to more keenly feel any limb or extension I make makes it a lot easier to have fine motor control - and also improved my ability to alter my shape, hence why I think it might be a part of the Shapeshifter HRT, but either way, being able to feel every inch of my body has certainly helped with perfecting shapes - I can actually make my slime kinda sharp now! Although it’s still made of goo, so it isn't great at cutting things, but it’s a bit sharper than my previous attempts, so progress!

The other thing that’s helped with shapeshifting, and that I’m fairly certain is the Shapeshifting HRT, is that I’ve noticed my body has gotten, well, less viscous, more fluid. It’s been a little awkward, as I’ve gotten used to a certain level of solidity, and while I can change it back to normal if I focus, at the moment I’m stuck being a little less cohesive than I’ve gotten used to, which has led to a couple instances where I’ve suddenly ended up a bit, or a lot, more puddley than normal, which is both inconvenient and embarrassing. Fortunately I’m very adept at reforming myself, so it’s no worse than tripping over your feet and ending up on the floor, but it still sucks that I’m having to deal with it again. But hey, the benefit is that it makes it much easier to alter my shape, and I’ve been loving the increased fluidity, even if it has made shapes harder to hold… have had to be careful with my wings, since there’s less structure to hold them up and in shape, which sucks a little, especially as I’ve had to forgo them once or twice.

As another annoyance to this is that it also makes me occasionally leave slime behind me when I walk, or otherwise move, which both sucks from a cleanliness perspective and a mass retention one, although the former is much more of an issue than the latter, particularly in the new apartment.

The other main thing I’ve noticed since starting is that…. argh it’s hard to describe, it’s like a new understanding of… things? Like when I look at something I’m automatically picking out more little details about their shape, and the same when I pick something up. I’ve found myself idly staring at things, or rolling them around in my hand, or engulfing them in my slime (mostly without dissolving anything), and just picking out all the details in them, sometimes mimicking cool shapes I notice either at the time or later. It’s kinda weird, it’s like a whole extra bit of information on top of the normal sense. It’s actually helped a lot with my job, since i can feel any imperfections be they dirt or scratches in the glass much more easily that i might have otherwise

Between that and the greater connectivity to my body, I’ve been dealing with a lot more sensory information, primarily with touch, but a little with the other senses too. This has all led to some bouts of sensory overload, which have been…. unpleasant to say the least (it’s an overload for a reason), and it’s particularly hard to block it out when it’s touch - ever tried not touching anything? Fortunately if I limit how much I do touch when it happens, as well as other stimuli, I can recover, but it is distinctly unfun…

But asides from those issues it’s been overall chill with these early changes, and frankly the improved altering of my shapes has been a great change.

As a quick note, separate from my latest transition, I’m very curious about how I’m storing all the mass I have - I mean, I can eat and eat, and I don’t gain any size unless I want to (and I know that sounds like boasting - and I guess it is a little, but not like that), but like, I have eaten some really big things when i’ve had the chance, and there’s been no change - I don’t even weigh more, or at least, nowhere near as much as I should for what I’m eating. I can go from my 4’4” self to the size of my apartment block, maybe even taller now, and I don’t become some kind of super dense slime when I’m small. I’ve hypothesized before that I think it’s stored in my core, since I really started noticing this once that had formed, but there’s too much to just be stored in there, and again, the density would be an issue too, I should have started making some kind of way towards becoming a black hole or something. I’ll send an actual message to the company that supplies my medication to ask about this, see if they know anything about it, because honestly, I’d like to know what’s going on and also, if it’s some kind of weird timelord bigger-on-the-inside deal, that’d be really interesting - not to mention it could be really useful if it’s something we could learn to replicate with technology or something. So yeah, hopefully we can find out more about that if only to satiate our curiosity.

So yeah, that’s the first update for Shapeshifter HRT! Hopefully I’ll actually get to do some proper shapeshifting by the next time I post but until then: See ya!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, here we go, Slimeshifter HRT, and I've got some plans for this next 'season' of this story hehehe, so hope you'll look forward to that hehe. Also wanna add a little something here about @ayviedoesthings 's Dragon HRT and @welldrawnfish 's Fish HRT having ended soon, given that they were some of the first to start writing their stories, and inspired so many of the rest of us to start our own, which has led to a wonderful community where we've made a bunch of wonderful new friends. So sad to see their series each wrapping up, but thankful to them both (and the others who started all this of course) for bringing us all together by lighting the spark that created this awesome community. And on a more individual note, this all also encouraged me to actually start posting my writing, something I'd never done before, let alone maintained a project this long, so I'm really glad to have had this inspiration to actually do this, which has also lead me to putting other (shorter) pieces up as well, and all in all that's been wonderful too, so yeah, really happy for all of that. So yeah, thanks to everyone who started this, and to all the new friends who are a part of this community and who've helped me in writing all this hehe. First - Prev - Next Previous Side Story - Two of One

Tags List under cut (Let us know if ya wanna be added)

@calliecwrites, @friedsputnik, @now-entering-the-goop-zone, @scrubbinn, @lilacinthefog,

@mint-and-authoress, @losttodreams, @redroversendjayover, @ariathelamia, @kanithecatdemon

#slime hrt #slime girl #shapeshifter hrt #slimeshifter hrt #shapeshifter #non-human #non-human hrt #non-humanity #species hrt #therian hrt #otherkin hrt #humanity replacement therapy #transgender #my writing #our writing

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sol-consort · 8 months ago

Note

Any hc about Mordins nephew? Some people do, curious what you think about him

You know I actually never thought about him much, huh... So let's look at all the available information we have so far!

The scene transcript itself:

[Start scene]

M: Yes. personal matters on mind, actually. Got call from nephew.

M: Promising geneticist himself. Just turned 16. Got tenure at university. Following in my footsteps.

M: had to lie about what I was doing. Think he was suspicious. Doesn't matter. still good to hear his voice.

S: Your nephew got tenure at 16? Is he a genius or a scientific prodigy?

M: No. Wait, don't want to insult him. Yes, but not in manner you meant.

M: Remember, salarian lives short. Mature rapidly by your standards. Don't live much past 40.

S: Does anyone in your family know about what you really did for the government?

M: No. Know I'm lying, but won't pry. Salarians curious as a people, but also have social cues. Keep two types of secrets from family.

M: First type personal or guilt-based, invites suspicion, exploration. Puzzle to be solved. Reward for curiosity, intelligence. Drama! M: Other secrets more serious. Dangerous if discovered. Signals discourage curiosity for protection of family.

S: Why wouldn't everyone give clues that their secrets were too dangerous to be uncovered? M: Not conscious. Social. Reflexive body language. Can't fake it. Example: yawning perceived as contagious among humans. M: Subject observes yawn, sensory input deactivates left periamygdalar region, subject yawns in response. Social empathy. Also works with dogs. M: Salarian faking signals to discourage curiosity similar to human faking a yawn. Can try, but effectiveness limited.

S: does anyone in your family know about what you're calling him because you're worried we won't make it back

M: No. Aware survival unlikely, but actually contacted him for family connection.

M: Hard to imagine galaxy. Too many people. Faceless Statistics. Easy to depersonalize. Goo when doing unpleasant work.

M: For this fight, want personal connection. Can't anthropomorphize galaxy. But can think of favourite nephew fighting for him.

S: I'm glad you got to talk to family before we finished this. And I'm glad we talked, too, Mordin.

M: Honoured to be part of this, Shepard. Helped preserve galaxy before with genophage. Dirty work, ethically ambiguous. Problematic.

M: Collectors mission simpler, cleaner. Will be proud to see it in Mordin Solus biography Vid. Unless we all die. Proud posthumously in that case.

M: Regardless... thank you.

[End Scene]

And the video here for frame of reference

youtube

Then there is the wiki brief description of the interaction

Known members of Mordin's family include a nephew who earned a university tenure at 16, a promising geneticist following his uncle's footsteps. Mordin fondly remembers this nephew and maintains contact with him during Shepard's mission, finding the familial connection a better motivation for saving the galaxy as opposed to the bigger picture and depersonalized statistics. Mordin is not above concealing his work from his family, however.

And those are all the available buildings blocks to make our Nephew Solus base out of it. Let's refer to him as Neph for the sake of simplifying things.

The well-established facts about Neph so far are:

He is a salarian male

He is 16 (48 in human years)

He is a geneticist

He has a close relationship with Mordin

He is his favourite nephew

And on the more subjective side, we have these conclusions:

He is naturally curious and suspicious

He looks up to Mordin and respects him immensely

Mordin might have been a mentor figure

He shares one or more similar physical traits with Mordin

He is a civilian leading a domestic life, possibly on a salarian owned planet (being a prof at uni and all)

He often calls Mordin to update him on his life and milestones

He is Mordin's only family connection that reaches out outside of obligations and despite Mordin's detached nature

He probably doesn't know Commander Shepard since Mordin couldn't mention his work with you

Now I want you to focus on this scene from the video, specifically the cinematography of it.

In most of Mordin's usual dialogue scenes, the camera faces him upfront. Yet, in here, it was a deliberate choice to show the side of his face.

And what stands out most? The scar. This particular position puts heavy emphasis on the X shaped scar under his eye, the bullet holes above his eye, and even the long scar on his forehead.

Even the dialogue emphasises the word "fight" it appears twice in the same sentence. This fight, against the collectors, he's fighting for him.

If you take in the context clues, the faded scars, the rushly healed wounds, then Mordin might have been fighting for the sake of his nephew for much longer than this. That Neph has been his motivation in so many fights, even during the lowest times of his life.

Maybe he often thinks of his nephew's happy and excited face looking up at him—back when he was still a small hatchling with stars in his eyes as he listens diligently to Mordin's retelling of his stories. As he proclaims in a moment of sincerity how much he wants to be like him when he grows up, how Uncle Mordin is so cool and amazing.

Maybe that memory and so many like it, are what keeps Mordin's sanity intact. What keeps him on the ethical morally just path. What makes him listen to you when it comes to sparing his student at the end of his personal mission, he saw his nephew in him.

Even when life is shit and pain is debilitating, I still smile when I see my niece. I still kneel on the floor next to her as she shows me her toys and tries including me in what she's playing. I still act happy and excited, and unlike the bitter mask of happiness society makes you wear just to appear polite even while you're miserable, this pretend happiness with her doesn't feel fake at all.

It feels the most beautiful of white lies. Sometimes, I start to believe that I'm truly happy, forget all my burdens.

It's fullfilling, to lie to them in these situations and smile. You never have to force it, either; it comes so naturally. I could be on the brink of a breakdown, yet seeing her and getting to play the role of the fun happy grown-up becomes the purpose of my life for those few hours before I have to leave.

What an honour it is to be part of her life.

I'd imagine Mordin to feel something similar about his nephew. It seems impossible to imagine anything else.

One last thing to consider is that Neph might not have the last name Solus. It's not explained how Salarian culture functions when it comes to titles and if surnames are even a thing or hereditary to begin with.

Like not all human names work the same either. I know western names go [First name -> Last name]

But middle Eastern names use [First name -> Father's name -> Grandfather's name -> Great Grandfather's name -> surname]

And eastern names often use [Last name -> first name]

Salarians are matriarchal, women making up only 10% of the population and yet holding the most important positions as the heads of the family and in society aristocracy.

It makes sense for their full names to include the female headfigure of the clan they originate from. To not mix genetics + to keep track of the family's prestige and standings amongst the rest.

The surname Solus most likely originated from a great grandmother. That or it's Mordin's mother's name. Or maybe the current matriarch's name?

Either way, if it was a surname, the mother is the most likely candidate to pass down her surname to the children when it comes to Salarian culture.

And we don't know if it's Mordin's sister or brother which this nephew came from. So Neph being a Solus isn't set in stone.

#☆character study #☆Neph #☆Mordin #mordin solus #Mordin's nephew #mass effect

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bloodibambiidoll · 2 years ago

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Sugar and Spice: Part 2

(E.M. x Fem!Reader x S.H.) Part 1 Series Masterlist.

Summary: You come to terms with your feelings for both boys, movie night with the gang brings out some jealousy, and Steve finally gets the courage to ask you out. 18+MNDI

Warnings: Eventual smut, Angst(Minor..For now.), Reader Steve and Eddie all having thoughts of self doubt, hurt/comfort, No upside down, mutual pining, eventual Steddie x Reader, No use of Y/N so a ton of pet names (Eddie calls reader “Bunny” and she calls him “Teddy” there’s a cute little backstory behind this that I’ll explain in a later part). I will update each chapter but I think that’s it for this one, lmk if I missed any! WK: 6.3k

A/N: thank you for all the love on part 1 of this fic!! I know it took me a lil longer than I intended to get this part out, I had it all mapped out in my head but I was having a hard time actually writing it down. It definitely took a different direction than I intended but they should be coming out faster now! At least once a week. Next part will have some ✨spice✨ divider by: @firefly-graphics

“You like Steve, right?” Robin reiterated

“W-why would you say that? Like what brought that on? I thought we were talking about Eddie.” You tried to keep your voice even but they could hear just the tiniest shake in it when you spoke.

“Well… you know how I asked what you would do if you met someone you really liked? It’s kinda because I figured you liked Steve. There’s just a vibe there.” She shrugged.

“What do you mean ‘there’s just a vibe there’ I feel like he and I are pretty neutral with each other. I don’t know where you got this idea in your head that I LIKE him, I can barely tolerate the guy.”

“Suuuure, is that why you’re always making goo goo eyes at each other? Or what about when you sit on his lap? Or when he’s all ‘I got you honey’” she said that last part in an attempt to sound like Steve which made you snort. “And you’re all ‘oh Stevieeee thank you soooo much’ kinda seems like a little more than neutral if you ask me.”

“Okay so say I did like Steve? Which I fucking don’t, but if I did it wouldn’t matter anyways. He would never go for a girl like me.” You made sure to let out a laugh that you hoped was convincing enough to hide your slight disappointment at your own words.

“Pft! That’s a joke right?” Nancy said.

“No? Why would I be joking? He literally thought my entire friend group were a bunch of satanist freaks in highschool and I’ve seen the kinds of girls he dates. I mean, look at YOU, I’m nothing like you. But it doesn’t matter either way because I. Don’t. Like him.” You were trying your best to keep up your facade but they could tell you were cracking.

“Well, then you’re just blind. Steve ALWAYS liked you. Even when we were together I’d catch him gazing at you sometimes, and when all of his friends would shit talk you? He would stand up for you. JUST you. ‘She’s really not that bad guys seriously, she just doesn’t surround herself with the right people’” she did the same terrible baritone impression of Steve that Robin did, making you laugh this time.

“Whatever, there’s no fucking way. I don’t understand why we are even still talking about thi-”

“STEVE LIKES YOU! HE TOLD ME!” Robin blurted out before covering her mouth with her hand, her eyes wide. She was fully in meddling territory now and there’s no going back.

You looked back at her with a similar expression, your jaw dropping. “What…?”

“Oh my god ROBIN! Why would you SAY that!?” Nancy snapped at her and you know Robin was responding to her but all you could hear was the blood rushing through your ears. There was no way you heard her right. Steve couldn’t like you?… could he?

A hand waving in front of your face snapped you from your thoughts “HELLLOOOO? Anybody in there? I know I definitely shouldn’t have said that… but you were so sure Steve could never like you that you weren’t even entertaining the idea and you said your thing with Eddie wasn’t official and isn’t going to be so even though I definitely told Steve I wouldn’t meddle I wanted you to know that he does like you because you were so insistent that he didn’t and it just kind of came out and-“

“ROBIN!” You grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly to get her to look at you. “Can we just calm down for a second? I can’t even compute what’s happening right now. Just take a deep breath.” You started taking a breath in and she took the hint and inhaled along with you. Once you had both taken a few deep breaths you dropped your hands from her shoulders and looked at her.

“You good?”

She nodded in response.

“Okay, so, Steve likes me?..”

“Yes! He does! And Nancy was right, he has always liked you. He’s got this like total schoolgirl crush on you dude. It’s honestly pretty cute how he talks about you.”

Steve talks about you? Steve actually likes you? That can’t be true. But why would Robin lie? She’s his best friend she would know more than anybody..

“Hey! I can see you spiraling, don’t. I’m not lying or whatever reason you’re trying to come up with to convince yourself it’s not true, he actually likes you.”

“That’s… fucking horrible news, FUCK!” You dropped your face into your hands and groaned.

“What!? From how you were talking I thought you were finally going to admit you liked him too!!”

“Robin…” Nancy said before turning to you with a sympathetic look on her face. “I think I get it. You like Steve right? But you never thought he would like you back so you figured it didn’t really matter, you could push it to the back of your mind. But now that you know he does like you, you can’t do that. Which in a normal situation would be a good thing. But this isn’t normal, is it? Because you love Eddie?”

“What, are you a mind reader or something? UGH! This is so fucking stupid. This is exactly why I didn’t entertain this! THIS right here! I don’t want to think about this, I don’t want to think about if Steve likes me or not because then I have to think about what would happen with me and Eddie and that’s the last thing I want to think about EVER! So can we just please watch the fucking movie now!?”

You threw your head back against the couch cushion and sighed. “Fuck, I’m sorry for snapping. I just… can we not talk about this anymore right now or preferably ever please?”

Robin came and sat right next to you, resting her head on your shoulder. “Don’t be sorry babes, I’m sorry for pushing. We don’t have to talk about it anymore, but just know if you do want to, I’m here okay?”

Nancy patted your leg on the opposite side of you “Exactly, you can talk to us any time. We aren’t just Eddie’s friends, we are yours too. Maybe even more so now. We love you. Now let’s look at Patrick Swazye’s ass in those tight jeans…”

You haven’t seen Steve or Eddie since your conversation with the girls but tonight was movie night at Steve’s house so it was pretty much inevitable unless you decided to veto going all together. Which you knew wouldn’t go over well because if you faked being sick Eddie would come check on you and see that you were in fact, not sick. Then he would ask you a million questions about what’s wrong and know if you were lying, you wanted to avoid that. If Eddie noticed you were acting weird he would get it out of you one way or another and you absolutely did not want him to find out about your feelings for Steve.

So as you got ready, you mentally prepared to be around them both at the same time. It was already almost unbearable before but now that you have spoken your feelings out loud you had no idea how to act. Eddie was picking you up and would be at your apartment any minute so you checked your outfit in the mirror a final time before taking a deep breath and going to the porch to wait for him.

You only sat there for a few minutes before you heard him speeding down the street, metal music blasting through his old vans speakers. He pulled into your driveway with a screech before hopping out to greet you.

“Hey Bunny!” He said as he bounded over to you, extending his hand to help you up off the porch steps and pulling you into his arms. “I missed you.” He mumbled into the hair at the crown of your head, placing a small kiss there.

“Hi Teddy, I missed you too. Even though I saw you two days ago.” You chuckled, nuzzling your face into the soft material of his worn out Black Sabbath tee. A wave of calm washed over you as his familiar scent filled your nostrils. You could do this, it was just like any other movie night you’ve had with the gang since you’ve been home.

“Two days too long!! I always miss you the second I’m away from you.” He looked down at you smiling, placing his hands on either side of your face before nuzzling his nose against your own.

“Can I take you home tonight?” Fuck. Maybe this wasn’t going to be as easy as you thought.

“Y-yeah of course, I always want to go home with you.” You smiled sweetly at him, it was the truth after all.

The drive to Steve’s was like every other time in the car with Eddie. Both of you singing along to and yelling over his music to talk, giggling at each other's dumb jokes. When you pulled into the driveway you didn’t bother getting out, letting Eddie come around to open your door. “Princesses don’t open their own doors.” He would always say.

“After you, your highness” he bowed dramatically as you exited the car, making you laugh.

“Why thank you, muh lord!” You both giggled at each other as you walked up to Steve’s door.

Eddie made sure to grab your hand and place a kiss on it, he wasn’t planning on letting you out of his grasp or sight tonight. Not after that conversation he had with Steve. It’s been eating away at him for days. Was he seriously going to ask you out? Would you say yes? He doesn’t think he could handle it if you said yes. You don’t know it but Eddie has been trying to think of a way to bring up being official to you for weeks now. What Steve said only lit a fire under his ass. Why the fuck did he tell Steve he was scared to be with you? He should’ve just been honest, he probably would’ve backed off. It’s not too late to tell him he was full of shit. Maybe he would let you out of his sight tonight just once, so he could talk with Steve.

The door opened before you could knock, revealing Steve, looking as fine as fucking ever with his hair perfect as always, his stupid fucking red crew neck and jeans fit him perfectly and you wanted to scream. Why did he have to be so goddamn pretty all the time? If he could just be ugly, or even maybe if he would be an asshole like he used to be you wouldn’t have to feel so torn looking at him. You wouldn’t feel like Eddie’s hand suddenly felt heavy in yours.

“Hey guys! You’re the first ones here, I saw you drive up.” He smiled at you as he walked over and when you reached him he grabbed your hand and pulled you by it causing your opposite hand to fall from Eddie’s, wrapping his arms around you in a welcoming embrace.

“Hi Stevie, it’s nice to see you.” You wrapped your arms around him and squeezed, his scent invading your nostrils. It was comforting, not in the same familiar way as the smell of Eddie, but still comforting nonetheless. Eddie noticed the way you leaned into Steve, how the hug lingered just a little too long and he felt like someone poured acid on his insides.

“It’s nice to see you too honey. You look really pretty today.” He smiled down at you, still holding you in his embrace.

“Oh, thank you Steve.” You felt your face warm at his compliment, ducking your head into his chest in embarrassment.

“Hi Harrington.” Eddie sounded anything but pleased and your stomach whirled with a combination of anxiety and excitement. Was he jealous?

“You gonna stand there and flirt with my girl all night or are you gonna let us in?” His girl, it wasn’t the first time you heard him say that, and you knew it wouldn’t be the last, but god did it make your heart skip a beat. This time for more reason than one, you felt Steve tense at Eddie’s words and something in you wanted to comfort him, tell him you weren’t Eddie’s girl. But at the same time, you couldn’t, because it was kind of true, wasn’t it? You were his girl, in a sense.

“Your girl huh?” Steve snorted, but didn’t elaborate. Instead he released you from his hold and stepped to the side to make room for you to come in. The minute Steve let you go Eddie grabbed onto your hand again, dragging you inside behind him.

Steve was nervous to see you, he'd been rehearsing how he was going to ask you out for days. Robin told him a little bit about her conversation with you (yeah, she totally abandoned the prospect of not meddling in this situation at this point) at first he wanted to freak the fuck out on her for telling you that he liked you but when she further explained he was almost thankful. She didn’t tell him everything, but she told him enough. Enough to give him hope he had some semblance of a chance with you. When she told him that you thought he would never like a girl like you he felt like shit, because who wouldn’t love you? But of course you felt that way based on his track record. He wanted nothing more than to prove you wrong. He wanted to show you how amazing he thought you were, how amazing he always thought you were.

When he heard Eddie’s van drive up he peaked out the window and instantly almost wished he didn’t. Eddie was opening the door for you, bowing dramatically and making you giggle in that cute way that Steve had committed to memory at this point. He grabbed your hand and kissed it, you smiled up at him with a look of love in your eyes. God he wanted you to look at him like that. He decided not to waste anymore time stewing and walked over to the door to open it before you could knock. When he did, he suddenly forgot who Eddie Munson even was. You looked beautiful, you always did, but he had never seen that skirt before. It was the cutest baby pink mini skirt that had little bows on the sides. You were wearing a little white tank top that had a pink bow that matched the color of your skirt, the cutest white and pink thigh high socks, and of course your big chunky boots and studded choker that made the whole look uniquely you.

He couldn’t help but pull you away from Eddie and into his arms. He couldn’t help but tell you how pretty you looked. He had to at least say that instead of dropping down to his knees and worshiping you like he really wanted to. He also wanted to tell you how fucking good you smelled but he stopped himself, not wanting sound like a creep. He probably hugged you for a little too long, but you didn’t seem to mind. He was so lost in you he totally forgot Eddie was even there for a second before he shattered his illusion with those two simple words “my girl”.

“You got any beer Harrington?” Eddie held your hand tight as you trailed behind him towards Steve’s kitchen.

“Yeah dude, in the fridge.”

You went to release his hand so he could get his drink but he held on tighter as he used one hand to open the fridge, grab a beer, and open it. When he was done he released your hand and you started to walk towards the living area to set your bag down and check out what movies Steve got for tonight but he laced his arm around your shoulder before you could even move and tucked you into his side.

“Eddie, I’m trying to go put my stuff down, why are you being weird?” You laughed and tried to walk off again but he didn’t answer, just held you tighter. “Oh my god Eddie, seriously what’s going on??”

You looked up at him and his jaw was clenched, brows furrowed, eyes set into sluts, glaring. You followed his gaze and saw Steve looking back at him with a very similar expression.

“You guys? What the hell is going on-“ you were cut off by the sound of the doorbell and a chorus of knocks. Steve didn’t say anything, just turned around to open the door.

“UGH! What took you so long!?” Robin groaned when Steve swung the door open, she walked in followed by Nancy, Jonathon, and the kids.

“You were knocking for like two seconds and you rang the doorbell once.” Steve rolled his eyes at his ever dramatic friend before turning to greet everyone else.

Snacks were handed out, drinks poured, and pizza ordered. Everyone was cozied up around Steve’s living room on various couches and bean bangs. You of course ended up on the three person couch between Steve and Eddie and you couldn’t decide if it was a blessing or a curse to have them both this close. All that was left to do was decide on what movie to watch, which was always a battle on nights like this.

“DUDE! You made us watch freakin Pretty In Pink last week and we’ve all seen it a million times, I’m NOT watching Ghost.” Eddie rolled his eyes at Nancy and shot daggers at Steve. He was not going to sit in a room with you and him and watch another fucking romance movie. Pretty in Pink was bad enough, he’s always hated that movie because he disagreed with the ending but now that he felt like he could end up just like Ducky he despised it even more.

“Okay well it’s not up to you MUNSON. If everyone else wants to watch it then you don’t get to bitch about it.” Steve scoffed. “You literally only ever pick horror movies and don’t give any of the other ones a chance because of your pretentious bullshit.”

“Okay well if you didn’t want to watch a horror movie why the hell did you even rent any!?” His voice raised a bit at the end, a little more than it would with their usual banter and everyone felt the tension immediately.

“Umm because she likes them, dumb ass.” Dustin butted in, pointing at you. Steve’s face went red and Eddie’s jaw clenched, the veins on his neck protruding. You felt an outburst coming on and you were not about to let him ruin movie night with his dramatics and what has become apparent to you now, jealousy.

“Okay okay how about this…Steve, you want to watch Ghost, right? And Eddie, you want to watch Child’s Play 2 since it just came out and you’re excited?” They both just nodded, like puppies listening to their owner tell them what to do. “So how about we compromise, since Steve wants romance and Eddie wants horror… How about we watch Edward Scissorhands? It’s got a little of both and I missed it in the theater so maybe we could watch that one?” You and everyone else in the room looked between them expectantly, just wanting to choose a movie at this point.

“Fuckin fine.” Eddie grumbled, crossing his arms and borrowing deeper into the leather of the couch cushions.

“Okay honey, if that’s what you want to watch I’m sure we will all enjoy it.” Steve smiled over at you, placing a hand on your knee before getting up to put the movie in.

“‘Okay honey if that’s what you want’ mehmemehe shut the fuck up.” Eddie mumbles loud enough for only you to hear.

“Oh my god, are you seriously mad right now because he agreed to stop arguing with you? I was literally about to tell you we should ask him if we can take child’s play and watch it back at your place later but if you’re gonna be a dramaaaa queeeen about it then I don’t knowwww” you said playfully rolling your eyes, trying to lighten his mood.

“Okay, fine, but only because I’m the one that gets to take you home and devour you later…” he said the last part in a hushed voice, breath tickling your ear causing a shiver to run down your spine and straight between your legs. Fuck.

Steve came and sat back down and you swear they were both sitting as close to you as possible. Steve’s Jean clad thigh is pressed up against one of your bare ones, Eddie’s on the other. Eddie has his arm around your shoulder and he’s absentmindedly playing with hair at the nape of your neck and the tips of the fingers of the hand on Steve’s thigh keep grazing along your skin. You felt dizzy, and maybe a little sweaty. You couldn’t even focus on the movie you’ve been dying to see, hyper aware of every move they made. Eddie’s hand trailed down your shoulder to caress your collarbone and he accidentally bumped Steve’s arm, noticing his hand touching your thigh. His nostrils flared and he held back the possessive growl that was building in this throat. He brought his hand under your butt and scooped you into his lap between his thighs causing you to let out a little yelp in surprise and look at him wide eyed.

“Mmm much better, just where you belong my lil bunny.” He wrapped an arm around you and possessively gripped onto the thigh Steve had been touching. You look up at Steve and he looks pissed. His breath is ragged as his eyes stare daggers into Eddie’s. Eddie just looked back at him smugly, like he was daring him to say something.

Okay something is definitely up with them and you didn’t know how to feel. Your fight or flight activated and in that moment you chose flight.

“I need to go to the bathroom, don’t worry about pausing it, I can just watch it again later.” You said abruptly getting off Eddie’s lap and dashing out of the room.

“Nice job, idiots” Nancy rolled her eyes at them.

“Yeeeahhh dude… kinda not cool.” Jonathan agreed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Pause the fuckin movie Steve.” Max scoffed.

“WHOAAAA LANGUAGE!!” Steve shouted.

“Well? You guys are idiots, she really wanted to watch this movie and you’re both silently fighting over her like we don’t all see exactly what’s going on!!” Max was not only the most upfront of the kids (aside from Dustin), but she was your kid. You and her had bounded instantly and felt very protective of one another.

“Fighting over her? What do you mean? She’s mine, there’s nothing to fight about.” Eddie said matter of factly.

“Dude!! No she fucking isn’t!! You don’t get to just-“

“Annnd there you guys go AGAIN, Max is right, we all see it and it’s getting in the way of movie night now so you guys need to figure it the fuck out! And stop fucking messing with her!!” Dustin snapped at his two older friends. The ones he’s supposed to be taking girl advice from, and here he is, giving it to them instead.

“Steve, you should go talk to her.” Robin hinted, wiggling her brows at him.

“No the fuck he should not! I’M going to talk to her because she’s MY bestfriend!!” Eddie started to get up but Steve was faster, pushing him back down by his shoulders and running down the hall after you.

“Eddie… you are always always there for her, and you introduced us to her so she would have some other people in her life that would be there for her too. Maybe just let Steve take this one, yeah?” Nancy tried to reason with him as he stood up to follow after Steve.

“That’s not what he’s doing though! He isn’t there for her as a friend, he wants more than that! She needs me right now. Her best friend, I always make her feel better.” The way he said it was like a child who got their favorite toy taken during recess.

“Now maybe it’s time to share that burden, don’t you think? Steve’s got this, just let them talk.” Robin smiled at him with what he thought was supposed to be reassurance but he felt anything but. This is exactly what he was trying to avoid all night, Steve getting you alone. Would he be better at making you feel better than he is? Was he going to ask you out? Were you going to say yes? If you did, what did that mean for you and him? He was spiraling fast.

“Whatever. I’m going to smoke.” He snapped before going out the front door and slamming it behind him.

Steve knew you didn’t really need to go to the bathroom, he’s spent enough time observing you at this point that he knows you were just overwhelmed and needed to get away. He walked past the downstairs bathroom just to be sure, but just as he thought the door was cracked and the lights were off. This had happened once before when everyone was over, it was a bit bigger of a get together, some coworkers and friends of friends so you didn’t know everyone. He could tell you were nervous from the beginning of the night so he kept an eye on you and at one point it had been a while since he’d seen you so he went looking.

He found you that night just like you are right now, sitting on the back deck on the ground, back leaning against one of his moms over expensive lounge chairs. Your legs tucked up under your arms, chin resting on your hands. You were staring off in the direction of the pool but he could tell your mind was elsewhere. He stood there for a moment, allowing himself to just admire you.

“I can feel you staring at me Steve.” You chuckled but didn’t look over at him.

“I- how did you know it was me?” He asked as he walked towards you, sitting down next to you with his legs crossed.

“I could just sense you with my super secret Steve detector, obviously.” You snorted out a laugh.

“Really? I thought I was the one who had a device to detect you, didn’t know the feeling was mutual, babe.” “Oh my GOD Steve, that was so fucking cheesy shut up.” You playfully smacked his arm. “I saw your reflection in the pool, nerd.” You pointed toward the pool, the glare of the back door shining on top of it.

“Oh, well I meant it. I feel like I can just feel your presence. Even if that’s cheesy.” He shrugged and gave you a nervous smile. “But I came out here to see if you were okay?”

It took you a second to process what he just said, did he really feel that way? You’re starting to notice how perceptive he is of you, maybe Robin and Nancy were right. “Oh uh- yeah… I’m all good. I was just getting kind of warm and overwhelmed, needed a second to myself.” You smile at him, but it doesn’t reach your eyes and of course he notices.

“If there’s something else bothering you, you can tell me, you know that right? I know we weren’t always… friends. But I’d like to think we are now, and I like to be there for my… friends.” You don’t miss the way he chokes on that last word.

“I guess I’m just… confused? You and Eddie are being really weird, that’s not just me right?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “I guess we kind of are being weird. I’m sorry.”

“What’s going on? Did something happen with you guys? Did I do something?” The look on your face broke him, you looked so confused and honestly a little bit hurt by their actions.

“No honey, you didn’t do anything. Maybe I did? I think maybe it’s my fault. I… I told Eddie I liked you, and I don’t think he’s very happy about it.” He didn’t look you in the eyes when he said it, he couldn’t, he didn’t want to see your face when you inevitably rejected him.

“I kind of figured it was something like that. Fuck.” You put your face in your hands and sighed.

“Hey, it’s okay if you don’t like me back, I totally don’t blame you if you don’t. Plus Eddie told me you guys kind of have a thing going on and I’m not going to get in the way of that. But I do like you. A lot actually.”

“God fucking damn it Steve, you just had to say it didn’t you?” At first he thought you were about to go off on him but before he could apologize you continued talking “Of course I fucking like you! It’s just- it’s complicated, okay? I’m so afraid to like you, first of all. I know you aren’t who you used to be, I know that person was never even the real you and I know you’re a good kind hearted man. But I’m still scared, I still have the memories of the things you said to my friends, and I’m just like them. How could I not think you think that way of me? Even still? It terrifies me. And then there’s Eddie… I don’t think I even know where to begin with that.”

“You like me?” He was smiling like a kid on Christmas, did he not hear anything you just said?

“Is that all you got from that? Because I said several other things after that.” You huffed.

“No I heard you, but I don’t care about any of the other stuff. All I care about is that you like me back, that means I have a chance.” He smiled at you sweetly, eyes full of hope.

“Why are you making this so much harder? With your stupid pretty face and your dumb sweet words, always checking on me and shit. UGH!” You threw your head back against the lounge chair with closed eyes.

Steve honestly loved it when you got irritated like this, even at him, he wanted to kiss your grouchy lips until you smiled.

“Listen… I know this is a complicated situation. I know Eddie like loves you or whatever and I know he’s going to get pissed off at me for telling you I like you but I don’t really care. If he isn’t going to make you his girlfriend I’ll do everything in my power to make you mine.”

Your eyes widened at his statement. I’ll do everything in my power to make you mine. And Eddie loves you? You know he does, but does he mean that he loves you for real? Did he tell him that? Fuck.

Steve noticed the way you were picking at your already chipped sparkly black nail polish, while you chewed your lip so hard it looked like you were going to break the skin, the moon reflecting off the pretty little rings that adorned your fingers. Some silver, some starting to bronze from how long you’ve been wearing them without taking them off.

“I can see you thinking from here.” He grabbed both your hands in one of his, stopping your movements and running his thumb over the back of your hand, soothing you. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to go to the bookstore at the mall with me this weekend? I know that new Anne Rice book you wanted to read just came out and we could get some trashy food in the food court. Maybe even catch a movie if there’s anything good. Whatever you want.” He continued rubbing your hand, grounding you.

“Like a… date?” You looked at him with raised eyebrows, was he seriously asking you out after all of that? And he remembers the book you mentioned weeks ago in passing? Fuck. You were so fucked.

“Yeah honey, like a date.” You opened your mouth to respond but he brought his finger to your lips gently silencing you. “Let me finish before you answer, please?”

You just nodded at him.

“It doesn’t have to be anything serious if you don’t want, it doesn’t even have to be a date, would I like it if it was? Yes. But ultimately I’d like to get to know you, for you to get to know me, just us. We can figure out all of the other stuff later. Just give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me. Please?”

Well how were you supposed to say no to that?

“Okay.” You grabbed his hand and smiled at him, this one reaching your eyes. “Let’s give it a try, one date, and we go from there.”

“Okay sweetie, whatever makes you comfortable, I’ll do it.” He smiled back at you, his eyes flashing down to your lips for a moment and you were sure he was going to kiss you. You wanted him to, so you started to lean in and just as you felt his breath against your lips you heard it. Eddie’s voice.

“Are you guys going to come watch the movie or what!? We paused it for you!!!!” He did not sound very happy. Steve stood and offered you help up, walking towards the house with you following behind him. Eddie stopped you before you could walk into the living room, grabbing you by the hips.

“You okay bunny? What was that about? I was worried.”

“Yeah Teddy, I’m okay, just got a bit overwhelmed.” You decided to wait to tell him about your date with Steve until after you left, the night was already drama filled enough. He studied your face like he didn’t believe you, but he didn’t say anything. For now at least.

“Let’s go finish this movie so I can take you home and we can ‘watch child’s play 2.’”He rolled his eyes. “Yeah riiiight, you know the only thing you’re going to be watching is my head between your thighs.”

Your breath hitched as he placed a gentle kiss on your jaw, cheek, and then finally your lips. He deepened it and you immediately fell into him, letting out a little moan. You let yourself get lost in it for a second, not wanting to think about anything other than kissing Eddie. But he broke away before you felt ready, and your face fell.

“Don’t worry bun bun, there’s plenty more where that came from when we get back to my place later.” He winked at you and placed a final kiss on your lips before gesturing you back toward the living room. Now all you had to do was sit between him and Steve for the next hour without acting like you were about to spontaneously combust and then go home with Eddie and tell him about your date with Steve.

When you walked back into the living room Steve patted the middle seat on the couch and smiled up at you, his caramel eyes twinkling like you hung the moon.

“All good honey bee?” He set his hand on your thigh and ran his thumb over the skin there and smiled at you sweetly. Honey bee? Jesus Christ, that was new.. he was officially trying to kill you.

“All good.” You smiled back and patted his hand before letting it drop at your side. But his hand didn’t budge, resting right on your thigh like it belonged there. It kind of felt like it did, if you were being honest.

Eddie walked in the room seconds behind you and sat down next to you, putting his arm around your shoulders with a huff. His eyes shot daggers at Steve’s hand on your thigh before he brought his that wasn’t around you to your opposite thigh, but much higher up. His pinky played with the hem of your skirt while he squeezed the meat of your thigh. You looked down at your lap with wide eyes and your mouth agape. Two large veiny hands rested on each of your legs, one adorned with the rings you loved so much, the other decorated with an over expensive wrist watch and the weird thing was that it felt so right. You felt like your whole body was on fire, subconsciously clenching your thighs together while you let out a shaky breath. Praying neither of them noticed.

But they definitely did, you felt both their hands tense in that exact moment. Steve let out a shaky breath through his nostrils and Eddie groaned slightly in the back of his throat. You refused to make eye contact with either of them, eyes glued to their hands on your thighs, entranced. Eddie ducked his head into your neck so he could whisper in your ear.

“You like this don’t you princess? Both of us touching you like this? I can tell. You’re clenching your thighs and breathing in that way you do when you’re turned on.” Oh fuck. You don’t know what you were expecting him to say but it most certainly was not that.

“I think you do, you like the thought of us both touching you, huh?” Steve must’ve heard him because he’s whispering in your other ear and you can’t even comprehend what’s happening right now.

They’ve been at each other's throats all night and now they’re ganging up on you? You honestly don't know which is worse. Now all you can think about is both of them all over you, not that you haven’t thought about it before but in this moment you had never wanted anything more than for them to just take you. A few minutes ago your head was swimming with thoughts of anxiety and now the only two thoughts you can form in your head are their names. Eddie and Steve.

#eddie munson x reader #steve harrington x reader #steddie x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson fanfic #Eddie munson angst #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fic #Steve Harrington x Eddie munson x reader #steddie x pastel!goth reader #steddie x oc #sugar and spice #WIP #my writing #dollys fics

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read-write-thrive · 6 months ago

Note

hello friend, for the end of the year director's cut ask game I would love if you would talk about the trans!Edwin fic! And I always love hearing about Jerry the Rat King, but I don't think I knew about the trans!Edwin fic! Have you been working on it long? (Or is there anything you want to ramble about with it, feel free to use this ask to do so!!)

-V

Hello friend!! I’d love to talk about the trans!Edwin fic! I have been working in it a while but it’s taken a backseat since Jerry and the Goo got me by the throat 😅

I’m not sure if you were in the haunt for this but I actually made like a whole family tree for this fic ? Edwin’s parents, multiple sisters, they all have names and birth and death years and I even went down a few generations to see who would still be alive in the modern day… one of my good ol tangents spiralling into a lot of research and work lmao

Actually I don’t think I ever posted the family tree so there’s a treat (that people are free to use with credit :). But yeah I wanted to play into the “family needs a boy as an heir” idea so Edwin needed older sisters and a mother getting old. I’m also playing around with the idea of Edwin being intersex, so his parents basically went “close enough” and raised him masculinely. If I go with that, though, then it starts calling into question how we define transness (and Edwin wouldn’t have an understanding of transness either, making it doubly complicated)

Actually. Charles would even have a different idea of it. Oh now I’m thinking of the boys figuring out Edwin’s sex fuckery bc of *insert case reasons* and defining it along the lines of transsexualism. And all the gender and sexuality stuff that would go along with that. But then modern day, girls show up, *more case reasons* make the girls start updating the boys on transgenderism and intersexism and cue another linguistic-gendered-sexed-whatever crisis for Edwin (and Charles to a lesser extent).

Okay now I’m thinking I might need to rewrite my outline but the only scene I’ve written thus far is Edwin admitting to being vvvv minor nobility (needed to have stakes in the inheritance plus I think it’s funny) and then the girls finding pictures of Edwin’s family online and asking about it. I’m thinking either Edwin’s lesbian sister writes a tell-all or maybe after Edwin’s death his parents blamed their deception for why Edwin was taken as an “act of god” and somehow that makes it to the press… as you can tell, it’s in its early stages, but I’m hoping to put some of my queer history degree to work 😂

Thank you for the ask!!!!!!!! I need to go back and return the favor here soon, excited to hear more about your works!!!!

(Idek if you can read this but let’s find out shall we)

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ancha-aus · 4 months ago

Text

NewAgeAU Drabble - The Winter Ball

Hi!! I am back! And @spotaus and I have been talking about these a few times now and well.

It is about time I gave Ccino some happy times instead of just more trauma.

So a happy moment! Still early after Nightmare took the crown and before Killer joined them! about half a year after Ngihtmare took the crown and like... 4 maybe 5 ish months after Killer joined? Ish? Spot please correct me if i am wrong on the timeline Lmao.

*---------------------------------*

Ccino frowns as he checks the list.

This isn't right.

Ccino looks back at the decorations in the hallway and stares at the very warm light green colour of the decorations hanging high.

That is not the colour he had picked out for this party.

Ccino frowns as he crosses his arms. One of the few cats sitting by his feet staring at the decorations with him.

Ccino hums "I agree. It is unlike them to not follow my directions." Ccino is still getting used to his new title and role in the house. Things had been easier now that Nightmare felt ready to be the king and had found his balance with his new duties. It is unlike the others to not follow Ccino's lead.

Ccino is honestly still confused with how easily everyone listened to his directions and orders but it makes for a very efficient running of the castle.

Ccino blinks and actually looks down at the cat by his feet. Wait when had this one sneaked into the castle.

The cat stares back at him and lets out a questioning meow.

Ccino pulls a face "Little friend. You are not helping with the rumour that I own you lot." he holds out a hand to the small cat and the cat rubs its tiny face on his hand. Ccino sighs before deciding this is probably fine. It are just a few cats. Ccino thinks there is only like five running around at this point. That isn't that bad. The cats will probably leave once they feel like it.

It is just that... The idea of people thinking they are his cats... He likes cats, that isn't the issue. He just remembers how the old king... when she thought he had owned cats.

The ache in his back flares up and Ccino takes a few deep breaths. There is nothing there. It is nothing. He just needs to calm down.

Ccino turns away from the cat and starts walking. Ignoring the small shadow following him around the castle.

It is fine. Things are fine. Nightmare doesn't mind the cats and Nightmare had been furious when someone implied whipping Ccino for some broken rule. Nightmare had wanted an explanation and Ccino hadn't been happy with it but he had managed to explain a bit. Nightmare had looks horrified and had been left shaking.

Ccino held him for the whole evening after to help calm him but that hadn't seemed to help Nightmare.

Ccino just wants Nightmare to be happy. That is all he wants and he knows that him just worrying about him won't make Nightmare happy.

Ccino spots some maids in the distance and joins them "Ladies."

The maids look slightly nervous because seeing him and smiling with relieve "Master Ccino! What do you think of the new decorations?" They look downright excited.

Ccino feels a bit bad about wanting to ask them why they messed up and decides to change his question "They look lovely. I was just wondering why the decision has been made to make them green instead of the cyan that was agreed upon?" It was suposed to be white and cyan. White to signal the winter itself and the cyan to honour their king.

The maids share some confused looks before one smiles, Robin it seems, "We were confused by the switch ourselves but our king wanted it to be a warm white with a warm light green. We were honestly lucky we had enough in supply to make all the changes."

Nightmare had requested the change? Why?

Ccino gives a nod and smile "Well it looks absolutely fantastic. How are the other preparations?"

The three happily give him an update about how the cooks are all ready with the last few changes themselves and how the band is getting ready to perform. The guards are all prepared and have a good rotation planned to make sure everyone has a chance to enjoy the evening at least a little.

There are people ready to make sure no one brings any weapons from outside the castle and the spare masks are ready.

Ccino still doesn't understand why Nightmare would want to do a masquerade ball. Ccino knows that Nightmare values the masks above everything else and he always saw the masked balls as a way that others made fun of their traditions and values.

But Nightmare had reinforced that it was of the upmost importance that this ball would be an occasion where people would walk around masked.

Ccino had thought it was a way for Nightmare to take control of the type of party. To make it something that would show the importance of the masks.

Ccino walks and thinks about the matter with a frown on his face. Walking past the ballroom and he is unable to not stop and stare in awe. It is truly beautiful. There are decorations and large ice sculptures. Other servants are setting tables and preparing the banquet tables to hold all the food.

Ccino is happy that more staff is actually staying now instead of leaving. It had been tough to get people to actually agree to work for their King. The fear of their new king is as a silent noose around their necks.

Ccino is happy to have been able to find some staff to help around the castle. Before it was just too exhausting to keep it all taken care of. The extra help was a must have and Ccino is happy to have it.

Even if their king has picked up the bad habit of picking up criminals and thieves. So far they haven't tried to do anything yet but that is mostly thanks to Captain Rogers. Ccino is still every day thankful that the new captain of the guard seems to be so willing to work with him and seems deeply loyal to Nightmare.

Ccino still has his doubts. He knows how others betrayed Nightmare and tried to trick him before. His king is already worried as it is. Ccino is trying to make sure that he at least feels safe in his own home. That there won't be any harm towards him from inside his own home.

Ccino just wants to help him. It is probably stupid to think Nightmare still needs him.

He should be happy he managed to help Nightmare until now. Enough that his king had even gifted him a mask! A mask! Ccino is still scared to touch it. It is precious and beautiful and Ccino is scared to ruin it somehow. He doesn't understand why Nightmare gave it to him, Ccino just did what was right.

He stops by the kitchen and frowns at all the food that has been prepared. It isn't that it is wrong. It looks delicious. It looks truly amazing.

They thing however is. That these are meals he personally liked to enjoy, when he could get himself to eat that is. But Ccino knows not many people like these.

Poached pears, glazed cherries, sea bass pie, coffee cream cakes.

The list just keeps going and Ccino is very sure this is not the list he put together for the party.

He knows he had spoken with his king about what he should put on the menu. They had discussed what would be liked by most and spoke shortly about their own personal favourites as Ccino had wanted to add some of Nightmare's favourites.

Ccino glares as he turns around and goes striaght towards the king's dressing room. He uses his secret pathways to make it up very quickly. He goes into the dark tiny room and holds unto a stone branch and on a large stone leaf. The stones move soundlessly as they transport him upwards a few floors.

Ccino leaves the dark tiny chamber as he continues down the hall. Some guards jump when Ccino turns the corner and he just gives them a nod as he goes towards the right door as he ignores the mutters after him.

"I thought the stairs were the other way? Where did he comes from?"

"Don't. Don't start questioning him. The king made him Head of House for a reason."

Ccino really needs to use the normal halls more. He is starting to view his secret routes as normal routes. Ccino disappears into the dressing room.

It is large and made with mostly white materials. Large mirrors along the wall and Ccino can't bring himself to look at his own reflection. Instead he walks towards the large and imposing figure in front of the large set of mirrors.

Ccino spots Sasha looking up excited as she grins. She has multiple needles in her mouth as she tugs on a piece of thick and purple fabric which makes up a large cape.

Ccino joins the king's side. Nightmare is wearing robes in a deep cyan with the cape being a dark purple.

It is... a choice.

Nightmare tilts his skull slightly as he looks into the mirror "I take it isn't the best fit?" He sounds more amused than anything.

One downside of Nightmare beign able to feel his emotions directly is that it is a lot harder to remain diplomatic about some things.

Ccino finds his answer "Both colours fit you rather well." It is truthful.

Nightmare looks back at the mirror amused "Just not at the same time." He seems highly amused.

Sasha gasps "No it is alright my lord! I just need to find the right balance!" she stares at the fabric as if it holds the mysteries of the world.

Nightmare hums as he unclips the cape. Sasha stammers but quickly grabs the fabric. Nightmare looks to the side as his tendril grabs the black furred cape with cyan and silver detailing, The one he wears daily ever since Ccino gave it to him months ago. He puts it around his shoulders and looks content "Much better."

Sasha grumbles but makes a deep bow.

Ccino feels a bit bad for her. She really is just trying her best with what she has. It has been less than a year since Nightmare took over the throne and it took him a while to get comfortable with his magic and his new position.

Sasha had had less than that time to switch everything to fit Nightmare instead of Dream as she had been trained to serve Dream, like all of them had been.

Ccino misses Dream so much. He knows Dream is safe in the neighbouring world but it still feels wrong to have Dream be exiled. He is only fourteen now and all alone. Ccino won't challenge Nightmare on his decision but Ccino still misses him.

Nightmare tugs on the cuffs on his shirt as he doesn't look at Sasha "Is the other outfit ready?"

Ccino raises a brow as Sasha looks downright excited "Yes it is ready. I will get it right away my lord!" and she runs out.

Ccino looks back as he door closes before he speaks once again "Is there something you wished to tell me my king?"

Nightmare turns towards him and frowns "I do not believe so. Why did you think I wished to tell you something?"

Ccino turns to face his king "My king, you changed the decorations and the menu." he frowns a bit "Were they not to your liking?" He thought they spoke about what Nightmare would have enjoyed at the party and they had settled on this together.

Nightmare watches him closely "I had... come to a different conclusion after some thinking." He doens't look directly at him as he messes with the cape around his shoulders.

Ccino knows that face. He knows that body language. The last time Nightmare acted like this he was hiding the fact he and Dream had broken the vase. Ccino had been more worried about the fact the two had tried to hide the shards and had gotten their hands cut off.

Ccino groans as he holds his head in his face "Please tell me you didn't break something big." Some small item is easy enough to replace but if Nightmare broke one of the painted glass windows they are in trouble. Then more pressing "Are you hurt? Do you have any issues?" He hadn't seen Nightmare get hurt yet since the attack from Dream and he settled in his new body. Ccino had just thought that the magic made him immune to harm but what if he was wrong?

Nightmare sputters and his tendrils spasm as he looks at him "I didn't break anything!"

Ccino's first instinct is to believe Nightmare. His second one is to remember how often the twins got into trouble and messed with the wrong things and how often Ccino had to quickly glue something together or repair their outfits.

Nightmare sputters as he looks to the side with something that Ccino can only describe as a pout. He knows others would call it Nightmare looking angry but Ccino can still remember the tiny 10 year old glaring and pouting with his full might.

Nightmare must notice what Ccino is feeling as he looks very embarrassed. He tugs on his cloak as he rubs the fabric "I didn't break anything..." it is said with a pout.

Ccino can't help but grin "Okay. What did Killer break?" he crosses his arms and waits with a smile.

Nightmare shakes his skull "Killer didn't breka anything either!" He sighs as he looks away "It is just. I wanted it to be perfect. It needs to be perfect for you."

Ccino is confused. He isn't even sure what Nightmare could mean with this and so he walks towards his side and puts his hand on his shoulder "Waht do you mean? It doesn't need to be perfect my king." sure it is the first party Nightmare is throwing since his ascencion. "I know that... the old king would throw parties almost monthly. But you aren't her. You don't have to follow her standards or rules." He smiles softly.

Nightmare looks at him "I don't care about meeting her standards. Everything she did was wrong... I just..." He sighs again and leans against Ccino's side "I wanted this... I just wanted to do this right."

Ccino frowns as he tries to catch Nightmare's eyes "I am sure it will be a great party Nightmare. The people are all very excited about your first official ball." he smiles.

Nightmare sighs and he just seems to sink more against his side "It isn't for them... I just..." Nightmare finally meets his eyes "You are twentyone now... I wanted this to be worthy of that."

Ccino is shocked. What... Nightmare... Is he implying that this is... all of this is for? Him?

The door creaks open and Ccino quickly pulls away as he nudges Nightmare back upright. Nightmare seems more annoyed about losing the contact than anything else. It is still hard to help Nightmare keep to etiquette or the hierarchy that his relatively new stature demands of him.

The door opens and Sasha walks in with the biggest smile on her face "I have a few options!" She walks over as she lays the outfits out and Ccino can see a cream white in the outfits as well as green accents. There is furr and beautifully crafted and treated leather into the outfits as well.

Sasha lays out four outfits and Ccino stares in shock at the many details in the outfits. Some have what seems to be snowflakes stetched into them. Others have silver on the cream white in the shape of vines with very tiny leafs made with small beads. Another one has a fabric that Ccino is very sure is a curious combination between velvet and silk.

Nightmare looks at the outfits before turning towards Sasha "They are beautiful."

Sasha preens as she puffs her chest up proudly "Thank you my lord! They were a pleasure to make and I just could not decide on a single design! I wanted to try a few thinks and I was hopeful that you two would be willing to see which was best liked?"

Ccino is still confused as he watches Nightmare interact with Sasha. Sasha ends up leaving with a bow after saying she will look forwards to hearing their likes and dislikes concerning the made outfits.

Ccino watches the door before turning towards Nightmare in shock "Nice work distracting her from you once again rejecting everything she made for you."

Nightmare blinks before seemingly just turning towards the many outfits. Ccino snorts as he shakes his skull. Nightmare does not like being figured out.

Nightmare holds up the white tunic with many silver vines and the tiny green leaf patterns. All in a cheerful range of light green. Nightmare tests the material before looking curiously at him "Which one do you like best?"

Ccino frowns at the outfits beofre shaking his skull as what he just learned hits him "Why did you order an outfit for me? It is better to just work in my usual outfit." He never needed a special outfit for the balls before. He was a servant. He is suposed to be invisible and unnoticable, especially with parties.

Nightmare looks at him confused for a moment before speaking "How will you be able to join and enjoy the ball in peace otherwise?" Nightmare looks curiously at him "It is your celebration."

A new anxiety as this once again reinforces what Ccino had feared. He laughs as he looks to the side "Oh I don't know. I mean. It is amazing yu want to to this and I appreciate it, I truly do! But I can't... I can't join the ball like that." He is just a servant. He is just another person meant to help. He is just suposed to make sure Nightmare is happy. He can't. He can't get distracted with these kind of silly fancies and fantasies! He needs to remain focused on his task!

Nightmare tilts his skull "Of course you can join the ball. It is your birthday celebration." a bit sadder "I know I don't know when your birthday is... I apologise for that. I should have... I should have asked this much sooner." more regret on his face and Ccino wants to hold the other so badly but knows he can't.

Guards are almost always around same for other servants.

Not to forget that Killer has the bad habit of just popping up randomly and Ccino is very sure he has already seen more than he should have. Ccino just knows as it is unlikely that Killer missed all of those. Ccino still isn't sure why Killer hasn't asked some questions about it yet, maybe he asked Nightmare but than Ccino does not understand why Nightmare never told him.

At least he seems content to remain loyal to Nightmare. That is good. Nightmare deserves to have something work out for him, and if that is Killer being one of his Knights than Ccino will try his best to make sure that goal gets completed. Even if he can't help a lot with it at all.

Nightmare looks at him again "I want you to be able to enjoy your birthday. To have a night to celebrate you." he looks ashamed as he bows his head. "I should have held a celebration when I gifted you your mask. It is the highest honour possible and I did not even gift you it right."

Ccino ends up holding his face as Nightmare leans into the touch. Ccino keeps his voice gentle "I know the meaning of the mask Nightmare. That is what matters. I am very thankful for it." Ccino still does not think he deserves it. It is such a high honour and Ccino is just Ccino.

Nightmare frowns at him before looking down as he keeps leaned into Ccino's hands "I just want to... I want you to be happy. I want you to have this. A celebration to just celebrate you. But I am... I am terrified they will hurt you if they realise how important you are. I can't lose you. I am sorry I am this weak."

Ccino shakes his skull as he holds the other. Nightmare is still so much taller than him and Ccino is still not used to it. Even so he holds the other and hums softly. A familiar sound even as it is soft. Nightmare melts into his hold.

Ccino leans his skull against Nightmare "You aren't weak by being afraid Nightmare. You are so strong and brave, you always keep going and trying your best to make things right. That is a hard thing to do Nightmare." He smiles before glancing back at the outfits "I... But don't you think people will realise that when I have this celebration?" He doens't want to make Nightmare stress but he doesn't understand this step in logic in the other.

Nightmare looks up and smiles a tiny bit "It is why it is a masquarade ball... You will be able to wear something nice. Something worthy for you. You can wear your mask. And for at least tonight it can just be a celebration of you. While we hide the meaning behind the winter motif and making the people happy."

Ccino feels so touched and honoured for this. How can he even explain that? He looks at the outfits and touches the different fabrics. He frowns as he still thinks this is too much. Ccino doesn't need these things.

But if it makes Nightmare happy.

He picks up one of the dresses and checks the fabric. He is quick to lay it back down and consider the tunic that Nightmare had been holding. He does really like the vines.

Maybe for one night he can just be. He can belong in the higher rings of the society. He can enjoy some food and songs without feeling guilty for not working. He can act as if he is some foreigner... Or maybe some far away relative to Nightmare.

He tries on the tunic and ends up putting on the harem pants green of colour with white detailing.

There are very beautiful shoes. Comfortable to wear as well.

Ccino doesn't want to stare at himself in the mirror and smiles at Nightmare "And?"

Nightmare looks happy as he presents with the beautiful white cat mask. Ccino blinks at it before looking amused at Nightmare "When did you retrieve that?"

Nightmare chuckles as he looks rather proud of himself. The tendrils seem to rise as well "I had hoped I could convince you to enjoy yourself tonight," and he holds out the mask.

Ccino laughs before smiling at Nightmare "Okay. Everyone should know how to manage the guests without my help." He takes the mask and puts it on. Looking into the mirror he can actually enjoy how his outfit and mask look together. It is beautiful.

Nightmare walks towards the door and waits. Ccino happily joins his side.

Tonight he can just be and let himself enjoy a piece of the life that was never suposed to be his.

Just one night.

----

Killer pouts as even more servants rush past him as he stands by the table with snacks. He had thought the party could be the perfect excuse to try and be helpful but he hadn't even found Ccino yet. Meanwhile Nightmare seems content to talk with nobles even when Killer knows for a fact that Nightmare hates talking with them.

Killer sighs as even more guests walk past him, all wearing masks. Killer had been offered some guest mask to wear but he rejected the idea.

He knows masks are a big deal. And damnit all if he is going to wear a mask it is going to be the fancy important one! Not some weak immitation! He isn't going to hide who he is unless it is for the fancy honourable one!

The one that will prove he truly belongs!

That he is worthy.

That he is trusted.

Killer sighs as he leans against the table. He already helped some of the others with set up. He spots one of the nice maids and grins as he shoots her the finger guns. She looks downright excited before running off. Killer grins, she should be on her way to ask her crush out, a colleague of her. Killer helped her set up a small dinner area. He hopes it works out for them.

At least some romances here will succeed.

Killer groans as he leans against the table and quickly hides his soul with his crossed arms. His stupid soul is doing that stupid woobly thing again. It always does when he thinks too much about Ccino. He really needs to learn to extent his pokerface to his soul.

Killer shoots it a sour look "You know. it would be easier if you just remained in my body." except he can only do that for very short moments of time. As it starts to ache and feel like a very bad sunburn but inside his body.

Killer doens't want to find out what would happen if he forced his soul fully into his body. He is scared it will find a way out.

Killer sighs as he looks at the floor. See? He doesn't even have a normal soul. How could he be someone worthy?

killer shakes his head and frowns as he speaks to himself strictly "No. Don't. Don't act stupid."

as soon as he mutters it a softer memory returns. Sitting y the fireplace and staring into it. Nightmare finding him and asking him what had been bothering him. Killer mentioning how dumb he was before, and still is.

Nightmare telling him that speaking strictly to yourself about past trauma isn't helpful. To remain gentle with your past hurt to help yourself heal. There is no use kicking someone who is already down, why do it to yourself.

Killer takes adeep breath and mutters "It is okay. That is just Chara's lies. They lied to you, things are different now. It is okay." It is okay. It is okay.

It is still hard to be a person... To be someone instead of something just following orders.

He still likes it better. Even if it is hard.

Killer watches across the room. It is large and beautiful and decorated everything perfectly. There are even fake magical snowflakes in the air above them.

It seems like a fairytale.

Killer can't help but wonder if everyone sees it like that. Like a magical evening which could be their happy ending. Killer watches ladies and men all flirt with one another as they dance to the slow jazz music in the background.

Some younger girls giggle as they shoot the guards, Killer included, looks. They clearly believe this could be their magicla night. Shame for them that Killer is one; not interested in teens, sorry kiddos, and two; there is only one person he would want to dance with.

It is honestly a crime that the very people who work hard on these celebrations can't even enjoy them.

Killer sighs as he leans against the table as he grabs one of the little cake things and stuffs it into his mouth. It is fucking delicious.

He just watches the guests dance as he frowns. Now that he thinks about it, Ccino makes very long days. Maybe he isn't here on purpose? Maybe he is sleeping? Getting some much needed rest? Killer eyes the snack table. Maybe he can bring Ccino some of the food? Ccino brought him stuff when he had hard days or late nights. Maybe he will appreciate the return of the favour...

Killer is trying to decide what to grab when he sees him. Killer turns and can't help but stare. He isn't even sure why. Others were hot and pretty but none of tem demand his attention.

It isn't even as if they are doing anything. If anything they seem content to just stand there. A white tunic with silver and green detailing. Soft looking green pants with some small white dots and shapes. The face is covered by a white cat mask. They hold a glass with some liquid as they stare at the dance floor. Swaying lightly with the music.

Killer can't help but stare. That is one of those masks! One of the special ones! It is in the way the wood looks to have a shine of magic to it. Small silver and gold detailing into the mask itself.

Killer is confused. The only person who is allowed to gift those type of masks is Nightmare! And his king does not trust anyone! Who would he even-

Oh.

Killer stares as others talk around him. Conversations he had been ignoring starting to filter through even as some people seem to try and strike up a conversation with Ccino.

"Who do you think they are?"

"Maybe they are our king's secret lover?"

"No. I doubt it. I thought our king had this thing with the Head of House? They arent exactly subtle about whatever that is."

"Ssh!! you know our king does not like when that gets spoken about!"

"Anyway!! I don't think they are connected to our king in that way... They are gorgeous! Do you think they are maybe a relative of our king from another country?"

"Maybe? It is an option... Oh i know that look! Are you going to ask them for a dance?"

"Hah! I mean. Maybe? It could be nice... Some far away royal heir. All the way here to show support to our king... We dance at the first ball the king throws. We connect and fall in love... You know what? Maybe I will! Okay how do I look? Do I look okay?"

Killer is already walking over. His mind blank except for seeing some other nobles talk to Ccino. Killer doens't like them near him.

He gets to the small group "Hello!" Everyone turns to him and Killer can see those eye lights through the mask eye holes. Staring at him with some light curiousity. Killer is so used to staring into his eyes. Trying to see what he thinks and how he thinks about him.

Killer smiles as he gives a deep bow "Hello my lords. I do hope I do not overstep but..." He looks back up and sees that Ccino has his skull just ever so slightly tilted. He usually does that when he is curious or worried... Killer gives it a go "I realised e have a guest and I was hoping you would do me the honour of dancing with me." His soul is a mess. His mind is a mess. But he wants this so badly. And this way he can get Ccino away from these people who aren't worth his time without selling out Ccino's identity! It is perfect.

The nobles mutter and huff as one laughs "You are a brave guard. How long have you been here now? Still in your first year of training." more chuckles.

Killer isn't listening to them however, he only has eyes for the other.

Ccino is still still as he looks at him. There is a moment of hesitation in those shoulders. The way he looks to the side for just a moment. But then, Ccino nods his head as he holds out a hand.

Gloves cover his hands and arms completely, hiding his skeleton shape easily without pulling attention to those items of clothing.

Killer feels nervous and giddy, almost dizzy even. But he takes the hand and it is warm and soft and Killer can feel the other's body heat through the glove.

Killer leads the other towards the area for dancing and spins the other around before placing his hands on the other.

His mind is a mess and he desperately tries to pull the memories and old classes on dancing. Their king tried to give him some classes in case he would go to a ball on a mission but those haven't been many.

Even so. He holds one of Ccino's hands in his own as he has his other hand on Ccino's hip. This would be the right moment to tell him he knows who he is, that he was just trying to help get him away from the nobles. But what if...

What if he just...

He spins Ccino in a circle and dances with him to the cheerful music.

Killer keeps looking back to the mask. Back to the eye lights hidden behind it. He wants to just stare and see if he can see what Ccino is thinking or feeling. Killer notices however that it is easy to read his body language. Ccino is curious but seems relaxed, he enjoys the music and seems to know exactly which way the music swells or falls. Killer may be leading with the dancing but Ccino is faster. In sync wiht the music.

Maybe... maybe this is what Ccino wanted. Maybe Ccino wanted to just dance. Maybe it didn't matter who. Would Ccino have accepted a dance from one of the nobles?

He probably would have... He accepted Killer's offer after all. And Killer is a criminal and a murderer.

He spins Ccino into the next dance as the music dips for a moment before a new song starts up. If this is his one chance he is taking it and enjoying it.

Ccino doesn't seem bothered. In matter of fact he spins with him as they dance. He is still silent but if Ccino is trying to sneakily enjoy the party... If Ccino just wants to be for a moment and enjoy his night. Killer won't break that illusion. He will dance with him and they will have fun. Killer can have one magical night.

For a moment he can imagine that this could be more.

He regrets not having a mask now. He wishes he had worn one. Killer could have hid behind it. He would have been able to be a mysterious handsome stranger to the other. Maybe they could ahve had a magical night... Maybe he could have left the memory of the mysterious knight from a beautiful night in Ccino's mind. Someone to think fondly off.

Now it is just him... the criminal. The murderer. The killer.

Someone that isn't even trusted yet. Someone that shouldn't be trusted. Much less deserve to be loved.

Still. Killer leads him into another dance when the music changes slightly. He swears he will let go of him if he pulls away. He swears he won't force him to dance or make him feel uncomfortable. He just wants to be part of this.

They continue to dance just like that but Killer notices. The way that Ccino seems to glance towards the table with food.

Killer immediantly remembers Ccino's strange relationship with food. The way he seems to skip meals. Killer grins at him before looking towards the side "Want to grab some? I only grabbed one of the many options but they all looked great." and he smiles. Ccino pauses before giving a slow nod. His voice is soft and not quite as he normally sounds, probably using the tiniest bit of magic to project his voice out to be able to be heard correctly beyond the mask.

"That would be nice. It would be a shame to not dance anymore." a soft wishfulness to that soft confession.

Killer smiles as he feels his hope swell more "We can always dance again after we ate some! I really enjoy dancing with you." Maybe he can do this right.

They go towards the table with food and Killer tries some of the different dishes. Small bites first before taking more of the things that he enjoyed. Ccino doesn't do this. He instead grabs a few things with focus and seems to eat them slowly. Obviously enjoying himself even as he never removes the mask fully, just shifts it enough to enable himself to eat.

Killer stands nearby as he just talks, mostly about gossip he heard from the other guards.

They end up grabbing a small plate with food before going towards one of the many large balconies around the ballroom, They settle on one on the second level of the room and they stand by the railling. Watching the other party goers as they enjoy their snacks.

Soon they jsut watch the people silently. Killer glances at him and he can't help but stare. He looks even more beautiful in the low light. His eyes are so much clearer and the designs seem almost alive. The decorative fake snow falls outside just enough to fall around the other in the air.

Killer feels his throat choke up as he wants to confess. Admit how he feels and has been feeling. How he had been having these feelings since the start and how those have been changing and evolving with him as he learned more about himself.

The problem is. That at that point he would lose this little peace. Killer wouldn't just have to admit that what he feels but he would also have to admit that Killer knew it is Ccino.

That Killer lied to him about not knowing who Ccino was.

And if Killer knows one thing it is that Nightmare and Ccino both hate liars.

...

Killer... Killer doens't want Ccino to hate him... The bravery that had taken hold of his soul leaves again as the fear of him hating him returns.

Killer is already in a tough spot. He is already struggling to gain their trust as it is through all his past deeds.

He can't.

Killer smiles as he holds out a hand "Would you like for us to dance again?"

Ccino puts his own hand in his "Yes."

Killer smiles as he feels happiness. Ccino accepted his request for a dance. He said yes to him again.

Killer smiles as he pulls the other back inside. Back into the light and away from the dim intimate light. The mood he isn't ready to see just yet. The conversation he isn't ready to have just yet, and maybe he will never be.

And maybe. That is okay. Maybe having these tiny moments is enough.

Killer holds the other close as a slow music sounds out. They dance closer and Killer can feel the other's bodyheat as they dance. Close enough that Killer can feel Ccino's breath on his bones.

It is enough.

it is alreayd more than he could have hoped for.

#Fuck it. if it is my party i am going to have fun and dance with the hot skeleton and not care about his pas #past for a while!!#newageau #We did it!#another drabble!#this time. Ngihtmare ccino AND killers first winter ball.#Also important to know.#The balcony scene was happening and the tree was using the little magic it had to make it more magical and romantic.#the tree may not approve of ccino's choice in man but damnit they want ccino happy so if ccino wants a magical evening then #it is going to do its best to make it happen!!#which does mean that Killer was getting wingmanned by a tree for a while there but he chickened out.#killer is still dealing with a lot of emotions on his own.#meanwhile Ccino is running on #That is all I ahd to say about it ahhahaha #Hope you like it spot!!

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