#MIDLIFE FAMILY MEETING | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pedgito · 2 years

Note

Smut request for Eddie, but I’m worried you might think it’s too close to your single!dad series! But I’m just gonna give it to you anyway because you’re my favorite smut writer. Dad!eddie and babysitter!reader? (Obviously 18+)

author’s note: it’s not at all!! i really wanted to try out something a little different so hopefully this isn’t terrible lol. i hope you enjoy!

cw: 18+ (minors dni), large age gap (21 & 36), dad!eddie, power dynamic (but it’s still pretty balanced, just given the content), virgin!reader, oral (f&m receiving), fingering, all the sex stuff—don’t come into my inbox with bs, if you don’t like, don’t read. but if you do, ily.

word count: 5.6k

Eddie liked to think that with being older came more wiser thoughts, actions—but through experience, he was still fumbling his way through life the same way he had back when in his early twenties, fresh out of high school and making the decent money that he could between shifts at the plant with Wayne, who had to nearly bribe his boss to give him the job, and the small shows he kept up with Corroded Coffin—not that it ever brought in a lot of money.

But, it did bring him to the life he had now; nearing his late thirties, fresh divorcee and a spirited young daughter to prove it. He couldn’t even believe it himself half the time—marriage was never something he planned out, or kids, or searching for babysitters instead of opting to force his child into daycare—spending hours looking through possible prospects, vetting them thoroughly. It felt like he was living a dream most of the time, until reality plopped down on his lap with a giant grin on her face, stray curls cascading down her forehead.

“Do you have to go, daddy?” His daughter asks, “Can’t you play another night?”

Any shows he did now were more for his own enjoyment—monthly shows at a small bar at the edge of town. They gathered a decent crowd and lended to Eddie meeting some very friendly ladies, not that he cared that much.

He had his eyes elsewhere and it was a damn shame nothing would come of it—as horrible as he felt about.

“Sorry, sweetie—I made a promise.” He explains to her, trying his best to lay it out in her terms, “You know I can’t break promises.”

You step through the door only a few moments after, overnight bag snug over your shoulder as you squealed gleefully at his daughter—her previous qualms about Eddie leaving disappearing in an instant.

“You could stay home and play board games with us!” She suggests excitedly, pulling at your hand. You smile knowingly at Eddie, it was typical behavior that didn’t surprise either of you.

“Yeah, Mr. Munson—she’s a pro at connect four, believe me.”

You say his name the way he hates, the way you know he hates. He’s told you time and time again—Eddie. It’s Eddie.

It felt like you were doing it on purpose most of the time.

And so what if you were?

“Oh, I do.” He smiles smugly, crinkling his nose toward the young girl as he fetches his keys from the letting. “Her mom said she might come tonight—maybe in the morning. I can never really predict her, but you’re fine with staying the night just in case, right?”

“I did bring my bag for a reason.” You retort with a playful tease to your tone, swinging the back around as you drop it on the empty loveseat. “You know I don’t have a problem with it.”

“I just—there’s no telling how tonight is going to go.” Eddie admits.

There was no telling how drunk he was going to get—that’s what he means to say. Your eyebrow quirks up in interest and Eddie only shakes his head. There was never any judgment—his life was his life. But, being so young and naive still, it made you wonder how life could really be as you grew older. Eddie seemed to be happy; great friends, nice house, a small but close knit family, he had it all.

Eddie felt the monotony set in the moment he tied himself down to his ex-wife, but being newly single—it had sparked something inside him that wouldn’t die out. Maybe it was an early midlife crisis, a lapse of judgment, but it made him want the things he knew he couldn’t have.

The clues weren’t there initially either. Eddie was as respectful and stern as you expected when you first met, scrutinizing and over-examining every part of your life—you were the secondary protector of his daughter outside of him, it only seemed fair.

But, things took a slow turn as you started to come around more—dinners were occasional, cigarettes out on the porch before you drove home, small talks about what you had to deal with while he was away that soon turned into Eddie being more open with his personal life, and in turn, yours.

There wasn’t a part of his life that was much of a secret anymore—you knew the dirtiest details, the saddest ones. He confided in you a little too easily, but you were just as much at fault for letting it happen.

The first night things shift, you keep telling yourself it’s not actually happening. You had your keys in hand, ready to step out the door until Eddie grasps at your wrist, nodding you back in for a glass of wine, Chardonnay, or whatever the hell he kept around in his cabinet.

“I…don’t drink wine, Eddie.” You say wearily, not complaining about the tug on your wrist as you follow him.

“I forget—you probably like beer, don’t you?” He teases, “At least I did at your age.”

Admittedly, you were twenty one—so it wasn’t like you were doing anything wrong per-say. You had graduated, opted out of college, and made most of your living through odd jobs and nannying—Eddie’s was probably the most stable you’ve been, even if you weren’t a live-in. You saw his daughter nearly everyday, dealt with his chaotic ex-wife as often as he did, and it felt like you had embedded yourself in his life. Eddie couldn’t complain, he liked having you around.

“I—I really shouldn’t.” You say regretfully, twisting the key in your hand. Eddie senses your nervousness, leaning an arm out against his open fridge. “I have to drive home and I—“

“Just one.” Eddie barters, holding up the two frosted bottles, “You don’t have to finish it if you don’t want to.”

You smile slightly, nodding despite your better judgment.

“Fine. One.” You say sternly, “And you still have to pay me for this week, don’t think I forgot.”

“Can you stretch it a week?” He asks, “I promised the little devil I’d get her that guitar she’s been begging for and her birthday is in a couple days.”

“I know.” You tell him obviously, but the smile you return is sweet. “But that’s fine—just, next week for sure. I have to pay rent.”

��Promise.” He grins, a perfect smile that has you clenching your thighs together every time. “Cheers.”

The clink of the bottles is deafening and Eddie moves to the corner of the counter where you take your seat in the barstool, leaning his torso over as he sips at the beer.

Being close wasn’t strange—you’ve sat next to him on the couch, at the dinner table, but the air is so thick you feel it caught in your throat. Your eyes flick up as the bottle tips to your lips, letting out a small giggle as he tips it up with his finger, a small amount of the liquid trickling down the side of your mouth.

You recover with a small cough, shoving at him weakly.

“Hey, that’s not nice.” You say, feigning annoyance. “You’re wasting a perfectly good beer.”

“Sorry,” He lies, taking a long chug of his own before placing it down on the counter. “So, plans for the weekend?”

He asked every week, it wasn’t strange to you. Eddie always seemed genuinely interested, but for some reason, it didn’t feel like that now—and maybe he was just stringing you along to keep you here, but you played into it so well.

You wanted it—maybe not as bad as him, but it was there.

“No,” You say shyly, shaking your head, “Just my bed and a couple movies. Same old thing.”

“No bars? No clubs?”

“Nope.” Your lips pop around the consonant, taking a small slip before shoving the bottle toward the middle. “They don’t interest me.”

“Come on,” He prys playfully, “There’s gotta be something you do for fun, sweetheart?”

And it was the same thing he had called you after a week of taking in the job, a kind endearment that didn’t make you feel any certain way, a sweet way to differentiate from calling you by your name, but it sits on his tongue like sin—begging for you to lick it off, let him defile you the way he desperately wanted to. It wasn’t lost on either of you how tense the air had become—it was Eddie’s web and he had you caught.

And as much as you enjoyed it, tonight just wasn’t the night.

He’d had a bit too much to drink, alcohol dripping from his breath.

“That is fun.” You insist, “Some of us don’t need to go out to the club and relive our younger years to feel good, you know?”

It’s meant with all the care in the world, a playful jab for how insistent he was being in keeping you here tonight, dragging out the conversation instead of getting to the point.

You would’ve been more satisfied if he had just kissed you at the door and let you leave, but then again, this was pretty enjoyable.

“You’ve never seen me play,” Eddie points out, “I think you’d really enjoy it.”

“I’m sure I would,” You agree before shaking your head slightly, “but I wouldn’t be caught dead at that bar.”

Eddie makes a face, a little taken aback at the insult.

“How come?” He asks curiously.

“A bunch of creepy old men who stick around to prey on the younger girls who sit and watch you play—no thank you.”

Eddie laughs through his nose, leaning into your space slightly.

“What about me?” He asks, wide eyes glazed over in a haze.

“Creepy? No.” You assure him. “Old—-eh?”

“I’m thirty six, that hurts.” Eddie pouts slightly.

“So old,” You reinforce, “We should probably put you into a retirement home already.”

“I can promise you, sweetheart.” Eddie says menacingly, bottom lip pulling between his teeth briefly to nip at the skin. “Nothing about me is old.”

Your eyebrows raise in subtle interest, leaning forward slightly.

“I could show you.” He suggests, eyes glancing down at your lips briefly before catching your gaze. He’s close enough that you can feel his breath, see the freckles on his face this close, faint but there. “If you want.”

He can see the gears in your head turning, deciding. But, it quickly fades as you pull back, his lips barely brushing yours.

“I have to go.” You tell him again, insisting more sternly despite how kind your voice sounds. “Eddie, we can’t.”

He looks instantly dejected, pulling back slightly and rubbing at his eyes with the palms of his hands. He’d forget this in the morning surely, his words had been slurring together most of the night and he wouldn’t have acted so boldly otherwise—would he?

“Let me walk you.” He insists, sliding your bottle toward the trash, his own following until the clink to the bottom.

The walk is slow, palpable, his toes on your heels as he hovers behind you. He grabs the door handle before you can reach for it, pulling it open silently.

“Tell her happy birthday for me?” You ask hopefully, knowing you wouldn’t be around in the day despite how much you wanted to be. “Please?”

Eddie nods quietly, lips pursed together in a tight line.

“Yeah, of course.” He assures you. “Goodnight.”

You lean up on your toes as you turn, caution to the window as you press a chaste kiss to his cheek, stubble rubbing against the sensitive skin of your lip. You can feel the sigh Eddie releases as you make contact, his hand coming to rest against your hip gently, a featherlight touch that if you were to have blinked you would surely miss.

“Goodnight.” You smile, words spoken against his skin.

It’s the same touch Eddie reminds himself of as he tightens his hand around his cock that night, stretched out and writhing on his bed in the loneliness of his empty house—and god did he wish you were there to keep him company.

His ex-wife shows up an hour before midnight, a lot more put together than you’d usually expect, but she fetches her daughter without fuss, leaving you to clean up the mess left behind.

It doesn’t take long, only a little over a half an hour—and your immediate thought is to leave, get the hell out of there, enjoy your weekend like you planned, but you still hadn’t been paid for the week prior, and you’d be damned if Eddie didn’t follow through like he promised.

“Hey—“ His voice is soft as he shakes you away, your figure hunched over the arm of the couch where you napped briefly, peering up at him through bleary eyes. You poured slightly, his face becoming clearer by the second, “did she pick her up?”

He looks surprisingly sober, which is unusual for him.

Admittedly, it was a weird night. His mind had been racing all day, he didn’t play as well as he’d wanted, and he spent the entire night hoping you’d still be there when he got home.

At least one thing has gone right for him.

“What time is it?” You ask, avoiding the question.

“A little after midnight.” He tells you, watching as you leaned up from your reclined position, adjusting your clothes and smoothing out your hair as best you could.

“Uh yeah—yeah, an hour ago.” Your speech is slow and spacey, “Why?”

“Well, I figure you would have left already.” Eddie says admittedly, running a hand through his tousled curls, the hairstyle never changed—and you were kind of grateful for it.

You’d seen pictures of him younger, mid-twenties and dating all the way back to his first day of high school—he didn’t look all that different aside from the slight aging in his face, worry lines buried into the corner of his eyes and that light scruff he wore every now and then when he didn’t shave for a week.

“You still need to pay me.” You retort with a tinge of annoyance, holding your hand out expectantly.

Eddie snorts, reaching for his wallet and slapping the fold of bills into your hand. He hadn’t forgotten at all.

“Did you have a good time?” You ask curiously, stuffing the money in your wallet before burying it back into the back placed on the coffee table, kicking your feet up behind you on the cushion as you stared up expectantly.

You could’ve fled immediately after he handed over the cash, but something was telling you otherwise. Eddie frowned slightly but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

“It was alright.” He tells you halfheartedly, “I hope my kid didn’t give you too much of a hard time, she can be a little, uh—“

“She’s never a problem for me.” You assure him.

There’s a long beat of silence as Eddie lingers about, hands shoved in his pocket as he leans against the wall. You hadn’t talked about that night, hadn’t even mentioned it, but it was still heavy on your mind—and hopefully just as heavy on his.

You pat the cushion next to you expectantly, friendly—it wasn’t out of the ordinary or weird, and Eddie doesn’t hesitate as he throws himself down lazily, stretched out at the other corner as he kicks his shoes off and onto the floor, smiling at you like he always did.

“No groupies tonight?” You tease, knowing he’d had a few experiences with them, none of them memorable or positive.

They were always messy and weird and everything he hated.

Eddie mocks a laugh and rolls his eyes slightly, “I shouldn’t have gone out tonight anyways, too much on my mind.”

You give him a skeptical look, turning to him fully with your arms bugged around your legs, chin tucked up by your knees. He tries to ignore how innocent you look, wide eyes and eager, hanging on his every last word.

“You wouldn’t understand.” He excuses, letting out a deep, heavy sigh as he rests his head against the back of the couch, legs spreader unnecessarily wide. Your eyes draw to the stretch in his jeans near his groin, quickly darting up to meet his gaze with a soft smile.

“Try me.” You shrug, tongue poking out slightly between teeth as you bite down gently, “You’d be surprised.”

Eddie huffs again, a mix between a laugh and flippant noise of dismissal, “Come closer.” He suggested, motioning toward the cushion positioned between you two. You crawled forward without question, resuming a similar position. “Are you uncomfortable?”

“No—this couch feels amazing, actually.” You tell him honestly.

“Sweetheart.” He says like a prayer, head tilted down slightly despite how his gaze still stays. “That’s not what I mean.”

And he’s not drunk—stone cold fucking sober, actually. That’s what intimidates you the most, his willingness to do whatever he felt he needed to have you. It wasn’t just the influence of fuzzy inhibitions. It was genuine, selfish want. Something he knew he shouldn’t have, couldn’t have—yet here you were.

“Around you?” You ask, he nods slowly. “Never.”

The touch he returns is careful, fingers wrapping around your ankle gently, rubbing soft touches into the skin. You follow his movements, the silence lingering.

“And now?” Eddie asks quietly, eyes flicking toward you briefly before returning back to his slowly moving hand.

A slow drag of his middle finger up your calf, up under the curve of your knee until he can wrap his fingers around it and widen your legs slightly, arms spilling from where they’re snug and tight around you, forcing you to sit up slightly. There’s no resistance when he pushes your legs apart, eyes darting toward the apex of your thighs. Your breath catches slightly, hands falling behind you in an effort to keep you upright. You’ve never been more thankful than to have chosen a dress on a night like this and Eddie can’t even act like he’s able to keep it together, thin lace panties on display before his very eyes.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asks when you don’t answer his first question, your chest rising and falling rapidly at his lingering touch, guiding along the inside of your thigh. The leg that isn’t bracketed against the back of the couch falters to the floor, spreading you so wide that Eddie has no other choice but to rub his fingers over the clothed mound of your cunt, pulling a soft gasp from your chest. “Answer me.”

“Nono,” You rush out embarrassingly quickly, “please, don’t.”

It’s exactly what he wants to hear. Needy, desperate—everything he was feeling just as intensely.

“Have you ever been touched like this?” He asks, words careful and precise, his movements as such, dragging a single finger down the seam, pressing into the growing spot of wetness there.

And you can’t take your eyes off of him, same as he does for you, it’s so much more than admiring your body, rather admiring the way you react to his touches, taking it all in. Your mouth hangs slightly, soft breathy gasp escaping.

You shake your head shyly. As much as you would’ve liked to lie and say you had tons of experience, you didn’t. Most of the time you lied, afraid of the ridicule, but you’d been saving yourself for someone special—and if that was Eddie, so be it.

His finger curves around the barrier of your underwear, forcing it to the side until there’s skin against skin and he feels it, if he wasn’t attempting be so coy he’d make a comment about how wet you already were, but the words are lost on him as he drags a finger through the pool of wetness and presses gently against your clit, unmoving as he watches you.

“Is this okay?” He checks in again. There was never a doubt in his mind, but he needed to ask for reassurance, to know that he wasn’t just dreaming again. “Do you like it?”

You bite harshly at your bottom lip, nodding a fervent yes in response. The heat invades your face, your eyes, practically your entire body as it flushes under Eddie’s gaze. The tension had always been there, but it had finally snapped and you couldn’t help but stare at him now, watching as his face contorted into his own version of pleasure, idly running his open palm over the front of his pants, palming his growing cock as it sat heavy in his jeans.

“Talk to me, sweetheart.” He encourages, “Don’t go shy on me now.”

You giggle softly—it was completely unlike you, knowing you talked his ear off every chance you had, but there wasn’t a single word or thought in your head that made sense right now.

“I’m sorry,” You apologize meekly, “I don’t know what—what to say.”

Eddie smiles warmly, head resting back against the couch as he slips a finger inside you wordlessly, just the beginning of his first knuckle, not enough of an intrusion to make you feel anything.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” He says softly, “how you feel, maybe?”

“Good,” You chirp quickly, “I’m okay.”

His finger pushes in more, breaching past the tight entrance and you gasp, finally breaking eye contact as your head luls back, gaze caught on the ceiling as he moves slowly, pulling his finger out gently before pushing back in—it’s torture, count throbbing with every movement he made. You could hear the soft ruffle of fabric, metal against metal and a zipper being undone and when you finally have the courage to look up, you’re not sure you’ll ever recover.

It’s not the first dick you’ve seen and you’re not sure it will be the last, but you can’t help staring and taking it all in. They’re never pretty or enticing or enough to make your mouth water—but with Eddie, that’s all out the window.

He’s thick, cut, and everything that intimidates you. He’s confident in the way he holds him, let’s spread wide as his hands come down to cup his balls gently before traveling up his shaft, squeezing over the sensitive head.

“Fuck, sweetheart.” He coos, pulling his working fingers out to glide over your clit, rubbing soft and timid circles until you’re moaning out his name—it’s like music to his ears. “You’ve really never done anything?”

“I’ve—I’ve kissed boys.” You admit, “And girls—but never, never—“

“Never let them touch you,” He finishes for you, “have you?”

You nod, affirming his statement.

“Can I have you?” He asks softly, voice sweet and dripping with adoration, “I want you to be sure, don’t lie to me.”

And you can’t even properly describe how badly you’ve wanted him. It felt like crossing a line—like sleeping with your boss, but lust wins you over.

You nod slowly, “Yes. Just—I don’t know what I’m doing, not really. I don’t want to screw anything up.”

“There’s not much to it,” He comforts, removing his hand from your aching cunt and grabbing your own hand, guiding it over his dick, pulling his shirt up slightly where the tip rests against his lower stomach. You always forget how toned he is, how well he takes care of his body, always hiding himself under his work clothes and suits, “I’ll talk you through, okay?”

“Okay.” You answer, letting him squeeze your fingers around the shaft, dragging your hand up slightly before pulling back down, creating a slow rhythm. He grunts softly, eyes half-lidded as he continues the motion until he thinks you’ve got it, resting his hand over your thigh, traveling up until he can squeeze at the curve of your hip, feet tucked under you as you lean over his lap slightly. It’s like soft velvet against your even softer fingertips—Eddie notices the difference immediately, used to his horrible calloused hands all worked and worn out from his jobs, the joints aching with age. It gets the job down, but it’s never as good as this. Ever.

It does grow boring though—not that you didn’t enjoy every soft sound and subtle face that Eddie made when you squeezed him a little too harshly or teased your thumb over the head of his cock, swirling through the oppulescent precome heading at the tip.

“Can I—“ The words catch in your throat when his eyes lick on, peeking out from under his previously closed eyelids.

He sees the way you glance toward his dick, smiling at your bashful awkwardness and nods, “If you ask nicely, that is.”

He’s only teasing, but he loves watching you squirm, trying to find the courage to ask for what you want. You’re always so confident, sure of yourself—it’s one of the reasons Eddie adored you so much, there was never any doubt with you. He never had to worry.

“Please?” You retort playfully, watching as Eddie’s grin grew wider, “Please, Eddie?”

He nods, urging you down between his spread legs, forcing his jeans down further until he can remove them fully, letting you settle until you're comfortable.

You expect it to feel a little awkward, peering up at him as he does down to you, cock still heavy in your hand as he pushes your hair away, gathering it into his hands skillfully—but truthfully, the feeling never approaches.

You’ve talked to your friends about it before, seen small clips in porn, and none of it ever really made sense, and especially not now as you’re sitting between his legs, staring at his dick and hoping that you weren’t about to make a complete full of yourself.

“Don’t laugh.” You tell him, a small pout forming on your face.

“Never, sweetheart.” He comforts you, free hand rubbing the underside of your chin, following as your lips draw forward, closing over the head of cock, swirling your tongue testingly over the tip, through the slit to taste the salty slick of him that had formed there. Eddie groans softly, the first real noise he’s made all night, face scrunching up in concentration as he cradled your head, hair and all, as you moved your way down, taking him sparingly into your mouth until your lips connected with the hand you had around him, covering what you couldn’t reach.

“That’s it.” He compliments, “Fuck, that’s perfect.”

You barely acknowledge him, but given how hard you were trying to concentrate on not fucking up, he understood. His words flowed freely, openly, and once they started they never stopped.

“Look at you, so pretty with my dick in your mouth.” Eddie says softly, pulling your chin forward slightly from where he had a tight grip on your face, forcing you deeper. You gagged slightly, breathing through your nose. “Hold it, sweetheart. I know you can.”

If you weren’t so eager to please, you would’ve pulled away immediately, but you allow him to hold you there, cock heavy on your tongue until you can’t take it anymore, pulling away with a harsh gasp, lips shining obscenely as you stared up at Eddie.

It’s the same look he had the first time he met you, but a sharp edge of something more, something dangerous.

“Stand up,” He instructs, a guiding hand running along your thigh as you go, fingers delving under your dress to pull at your underwear, slipping the fabric down your legs carefully. He flips the fabric of your dress up, dragging the soft surface of his lips along your upper thigh, eyes following you the entire way, “good, sweetheart—can I taste you?”

You nod quickly, hands cautiously running over the top of his head and through his thick curls, whimpering soundly at the way he chuckles, deep and gruff against your cunt, raising your leg over his shoulder carefully, his hands resting at your back to steady you.

It’s like scolding hot fire with the first touch, his tongue delving deep and running up your cunt, ghosting along your clit as he bites playfully at your folds, looking up at you sparingly to gauge your reaction.

You couldn’t even act like you were able to keep it together, moaning unabashedly as the hands in his hair soon traveled down his back, body curling over him slightly as he made it his mission to torture you relentlessly, sucking at your sensitive clit until you’re softly tapping at his back, silently begging for a break while the words are still caught in your throat.

“Tapping out already?” He teases, squeezing the soft globes of your ass. You shake your head defiantly, peaking his interest

“I want you,” You tell him coyly, “I’ve been thinking about it and—“

“Oh, hey—“ He soothes, “That’s special, you don’t have to give that to me, sweetheart. You’ve already given me plenty.”

Another defiant head shake, shoving his hands away as you took a careful seat on his lap, his eyes following you intensely, arms held out at his side as you seated yourself against his cock, the heat of your cunt striking his body with the reality of this situation.

“No, you don’t get to do that.” You tell him, noticing the concerned look on his face, “I’m capable of making my own decisions.”

Eddie smiles slightly, reaching up to cradle the side of your face tenderly. He can see the subtle pout on your face, bottom lip poking out slightly—and he feels the overwhelming want to kiss you, force it off of your face. So, he does.

And he kisses with a forcefulness you’ve never felt—he’s not timid or unsure. Eddie’s confident, given his experience, he had no reason to doubt himself. You whimpering softly, his teeth pulling your bottom lip in, tongue sneaking its way in and tasting the saltiness of himself on you. He pulls away briefly, nose bumping yours.

“One problem, sweetheart,” Eddie starts regretfully, “I don’t have any condoms—I’m not really used to using them anymore.”

You shake your head fervently, “That’s not a problem.” You assure him, “Trust me.”

You didn’t need to explain and Eddie didn’t feel the need to ask—it wasn’t hard to piece the information together. But god, he’s never been more thankful for modern medicine.

“You sure?” Eddie asks again, lips grazing yours as he speaks, chin resting against his fingers, rubbing delicately at your skin. “I need to hear you say it.”

“Eddie,” You chide softly, “I want you to fuck me.”

He laughs at that, your boldness startling him slightly.

And he doesn’t need to be told more than once, taking control of the situation as he lifts your hips, bracing you over the head of his cock, allowing you to ease down at your own pace. It’s nothing like you were expecting, more of a dull sting if anything—but the filling of fullness, it’s overwhelming.

You rock your hips gently, watching as Eddie’s eyes fell to the place where you were joined with him, dress lifted up slightly as he reached for your clit, rubbing gentle circles to distract your wandering mind—and it works perfectly, gasping when you feel him deep, buried inside you as the back of your thighs hit his lap.

“God, you’re fucking perfect.” He comments idly, eyes falling shut as he leaned back—and it’s infuriating that you can’t see his chest, hidden behind the buttons of his shirt; a ridiculous black button up, making him look well beyond his years. You yank at the buttons with steady hands until the skin peeks through and you can shove the shirt off his shoulders, hands placed firmly against his chest.

You’ve never seen his tattoos this close, not that you could focus much now, but your hand closes over the one of his chest and your blunt fingertips dig into the skin as you lift your hips and seat yourself just as swiftly, punching a ragged groan from the both of you.

“Knew you’d be this good,” Eddie admits, “Thought—thought about it every fucking night.”

“Oh?” You challenge softly, “Tell me?”

Eddie nods, though the struggle to remain cool is evident on his face, losing his focus every time you clench around him, grunting with every little movement you make.

“Just like this,” He admits, “taking me so fucking well, too.”

You nod in agreement, humming as you leaned forward to drag your lips along his jawline, “Like…I was made for you?” You ask teasingly, giggling at his airy groan.

“You’re fucking devious,” Eddie retorts, “not nearly as innocent as I thought you’d be.”

His hands grip your hips tightly, pulling you impossibly deeper, closer, and you can’t bother to keep yourself upright, letting him do the work, hips snapping into you with force.

“What—what do you mean?” You stammer through broken gasps, “I’m so innocent, Eddie.”

“Not a chance,” Eddie disagrees, eyes squeezing tight as he buried his face into your neck, sucking a faint bruise into the skin, “be honest with me.”

“I wasn’t—wasn’t lying.” You respond, words dying out on a desperate plea, his hand snaking between you both, rubbing insistent circles over your clit. “I don’t do this stuff—was waiting for the right person, you know?”

Eddie nearly comes then, panting desperately into your skin.

“You think I’m the right person?” Eddie asks redundantly, given your current situation—that was pretty goddamn obvious.

“Your cock is inside me, what do you think?” You ask playfully, eyebrows furrowing in anguish as Eddie makes a quick pass over your swollen bundle of nerves, driving you over the edge unexpectedly, clinging to Eddie out of instinct, letting him rock you through the duration of your orgasms until he’s coming deep inside you, legs shaking as he groans pitifully.

And despite his obvious exhaustion, he retorts a snarky, “I think I’m the perfect person, sweetheart.”

You smile, leaning forward to press a sloppy, passionately filled kiss against his lips, nodding slightly at his response.

“Same time next week?” You ask cheekily and Eddie chuckles in response, biting gently at your shoulder at your obvious playfulness.

Eddie hums thoughtfully, “How about tomorrow?”

And even if you had plans, they diminished into thin air, offering Eddie an affirmative smile.

Please consider a reblog if you enjoyed this fic! It’s makes a huge difference. ♡

#eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson blurb #my writing #1kfic

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rhysdarbinizedarby · 1 year

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How ‘Our Flag Means Death’ Became the Funniest Show on TV

Creator and showrunner David Jenkins breaks down the new season of TV’s most adorable star-crossed pirates.

Our Flag Means Death debuted in March 2022 to respectable viewership numbers that grew. And grew. And grew some more. With each week of its 10-episode run, viewership increased, eventually tripling its original audience. The little gay pirate workplace and romantic comedy-cum-historical fantasy that could is back for a second season on Max, and fans will be glad to know that piracy power couple Stede Bonnet (Rhys Darby) and Ed Teach, aka Blackbeard (Academy Award winner Taika Waititi) won’t be parted for long.

The first season of Our Flag Means Death introduced viewers to fictional versions of the real historical figures Stede Bonnet (aka The Gentleman Pirate) and Blackbeard, as well as their respective crews. The two captains instantly forged an unlikely connection. Stede, who decided to exorcize his midlife crisis by abandoning his family and taking to the seas, despite being at best a piracy novice, hero-worships Blackbeard and is thrilled to make his acquaintance. The fearsome Blackbeard, who among friends goes by his real first name, Ed, is taken with Stede’s commitment to enjoying the finer and frillier things in life, marveling at his new friend’s on-ship library and massive, beautiful wardrobe.

While the two captains are an odd couple, each of their crews regards the other as an entirely different species. Aboard the Revenge, Stede reads bedtime stories to his crew and encourages them to use their words when conflicts emerge, while on Blackbeard’s ship, Ed’s first mate Izzy Hands (a deliciously scowling, jealous Con O’Neill) rants that his captain is now a shell of the terrifying legend he used to be. Over time, Blackbeard’s crew begin to appreciate the healthier work-life culture on the Revenge, where there’s room for romantic and collegial dyads to form and pair off.

Of course, the path of true love never runs smooth even for a couple as invested in each other as Stede and Ed. At the end of the first season, the crews are split between ships and land, and Ed believes Stede has permanently abandoned their relationship for his original family, causing a heartbroken Ed to revert to his fearsome Kraken persona. As the second season opens, Stede is frantically trying to get back to Ed and explain that he’s all in on their relationship. Ed’s behavior has been swinging erratically from depressed to murderous, even toward Izzy, and when the two captains and crews meet again, there’s an extra twist: Stede and company have been co-opted by the far more capable and successful Chinese Pirate Queen, Zheng Yi Sao (Ruibo Qian).

On the eve of the second season’s three-episode premiere, creator and showrunner David Jenkins reflected on the series’ approach to workplace dynamics, male friendships and romance, and the character arcs he’s most excited for fans to see.

The first three episodes of the season premiere feature a bunch of breakups and reshuffling of romantic and work relationships—not just Stede and Ed. Were you chasing anything in particular, narratively, by splitting up so many dyads?

Definitely. To watch the effects of Stede and Blackbeard’s relationship reverberate through everybody's lives is so interesting. Their separation doesn’t just happen to the two of them, it’s happening to all of them, because they’re a family. Just as the breakup reverberated throughout both crews, getting back together is going to do the same thing.

That makes sense.

The goal was just being true to the character beats and finding ways to make them ring true. Oluwande (Samson Kayo) and Jim (Vico Ortiz, they/them) are friends who got romantic. It rang true to me that they’d watch each others’ lives move forward, and then come back together to find that they still care about each other, and each of them is also happy for the other person. I've seen that happen in real life a bunch of times, but I don't see that dramatized a lot. I think there should be a lot of different flavors of relationships in this show. And there's so many different pairings that you get a lot of chances to be like, “Oh, how are these two different from Stede and Ed?”

How does that relate to your interest in exploring tenderness and vulnerability in male characters? In previous interviews, you’ve referred to Our Flag Means Death as examining the burlesque of masculinity. What does it bring to your work to be exploring it over the course of many hours of storytelling?

That’s an area where Taika’s and my interests overlap a lot. There’s something so understated about his sensibility—I think some of it derives from his New Zealand accent, actually—that suits asking questions about masculinity. And it's fun to look at pirate stories, to play against that genre’s whitewashed, heteronormative conventions. Growing up as a guy, you get a lot of pressure to be just one type of a guy, the guy who refuses to feel things. Men are in terrible trouble in that way. We’re getting better about talking about feelings, but there’s so much more to cover—body dysmorphia, vulnerability, not just talking about feelings, but understanding them and having this whole range of emotions—those are always the things I want to watch.

Do you have favorites among on-screen stories that make room for a broader emotional palette?

Heat and Midnight Run are two really lovely Robert De Niro movies where characters have these very big emotional lives. It’s a similar thing with Robert Redford and Paul Newman in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I like extending that. We can push it further, because there's so many different ways to be a man! Not everything has to be a shoot ’em up action thing where people don’t have feelings. A lot of men feel like they need permission to just be their weird selves, to be funny, to dress differently. Try some different things! Maybe wear a color! Put some product in your hair! Don't worry about it, it's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine.

Our Flag Means Death is not a casual show. It’s very funny and playful! But there is not one single frame of the show that plays it cool. As an artist, what’s the significance of qualities like sincerity and earnestness?

I hate coolness, it’s so ungenerous. And I like that you said that it’s not casual. I’m not a casual guy. This is a deeply uncool show. There’s something so special about seeing comedic actors like Rhys or Taika, who are so used to coming into a scene, being incredibly funny and destroying, and then leaving, having to use their earnestness, and not using their weapon of immediately diffusing it by going for a laugh. When I see that, it makes my heart leap. There’s something particularly special about seeing a comedic actor do it.

It’s really fun to watch comedic actors dispel the notion that dramatic acting is 180 degrees away from comedic acting.

Characters that call for that type of performance are a lot of what I love about Robert Altman, Christopher Guest, and Harold Ashby movies. They’re comedies, but those characters really grow and they experience pain, and the pain they feel is real. And then the funny shit that they do is even funnier because of it. Those are the things that bring me the most joy.

Tell me about Zheng Yi Sao, the Pirate Queen. She’s such a good foil for Ed and Stede—her ambition, competence, and leadership style are all so distinct from theirs.

Zheng Yi Sao is the most competent pirate captain on our show, and was the most successful pirate captain in history. She lived about 100 years apart from these fellas, and she was so successful that China had to cut her in and do a treaty with her so she would move on to some other field. She wound up making another fortune in gambling!

One thing that jumped out at me in these first three episodes of the season is how much therapy-literate dialogue is used—where did that come from?

I just think it's funny. The thing about a workplace is that they all see everything that’s going on with others, because they're all on top of each other all the time. I don't want to go l too far with it, but it’s fun that some of these characters can see that one of their friends is in a weird relationship with his boss, and then say “hey, you might want to look at that.”

Where do you think that comes from for the characters themselves?

There’s a level of care on that ship that Stede almost infected them with in the first season, and now those ideas are more alive because of how Stede built the Revenge’s culture. You can see that that spirit is still kind of alive when Jim tells the story of the wooden boy to Bang to calm him down. That’s a little bit of Stede’s kindness being alive in the world still, and of Jim needing and being able to call on it now that everything’s so dark. For them to go from an “every person for themselves” ethos to thinking “there was a time when life meant something on this ship, it doesn’t have to be this way” is interesting growth for the character, and is true to Vico as a person. There's a real kindness to how they carry themselves—they’re one of those people that just makes everybody feel safe. It’s nice to see some of those character traits bleed through to Jim.

Without getting too spoilery, what’s coming up over the rest of this season that you can’t wait for viewers to see?

I’m really excited for Izzy’s journey. Con O’Neill did such beautiful work, and getting to see where that character goes and how he grows, I think is one of the most exciting things of the season. To see where Ed and Stede’s relationship goes is gratifying—to see how they navigate each other and find, hopefully, a more mature way of being together.

Jim's relationships with Archie (Madeleine Sami) and Olu develop, too, and more broadly, the crew coming together as a new kind of family, now that Mom and Dad are getting back together. I also like that Lucius (Nathan Foad) is back, and has an angry young man thing going on that he has to process. For Lucius to go through something really harrowing and have to grow up with it is so interesting, because he had all the answers in the first season.

We can’t not talk about the mermaid sequence at the end of the second episode. How did that come about?

We really have to pick our shots on the show, so that was very storyboarded out. I knew I wanted Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work” for the scene, so that was incorporated in it. Unfortunately, Rhys had had a really bad near-drowning experience shooting in a tank before, but I didn’t know that until we were working on the stunts! But when Rhys saw the gorgeous tail, and it looked so cool and beautiful, he decided to go for it. He knew the scene was going to look awesome. So he navigated that costume, which is basically a big flipper that he needed to move his entire core to make it work, and Taika’s there with all this glue to keep his wig on underwater all day. When it’s humming and all the departments are working, everyone feels safe. It gives everyone a feeling of “let’s do it—let’s jump in!”

Speaking of jumping in, what degree of pressure did you all feel coming into the second season, knowing how high the expectations were from the show’s incredibly passionate fan base?

I don’t feel pressure from the fans, I just feel unconditional love and acceptance, and I think that the writers room feels that too. We all want it to be good, and we want the storylines to be cool. But it’s less pressure, and more just the level of freedom that it gave us, knowing somebody’s watching. It makes doing all the hard work a joy, because you know it’s going to be appreciated. Some people will have critiques, and that’s fine.

I just know that this—the fan reaction to this show—will be the honor of my career. The fan community is so kind and nice and talented—it's just a good vibe, and it’s been safe and affirming for everyone.

We’re all basking in the glow of the adoration of the show from our fanbase. It’s infectious—when we all get together, it saturates every element of the show, and it's a very special thing for all of us.

Source: The Daily Beast

#rhys darby #ofmd #our flag means death #taika waititi #david jenkins #ofmd s2 spoilers

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regaliasonata · 6 months

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Your Power Ranger seasons in a nutshell

MMPR: After school daycare fights bald ass man’s space ex

MMPR 2: ALL HAIL THE W- TOMMY

MMPR 3: Fish babysitting

Zeo: Praying to crystals to fight artificial intelligence

Turbo: Passing on car insurance will

In Space: Siblings make their argument everyone’s problem

Lost Galaxy: Star Wars meets Magic Mike

Lightspeed Rescue: Gay Demon Son or Nurse Lesbian Daughter

Time Force: Futuristic Racism

Wild Force: Tarzan zoo keeping

Ninja Storm: Family barbecue drama becomes everyone’s problem

Dino Thunder: Man nearly destroys the world because of his midlife crisis and projects it on children

SPD: Nepotism ass beating

Mystic Force: Parry Hotter

Operation Overdrive: Walking metal detector lives out his One Piece dream

Jungle Fury: Gay furry trauma

RPM: Spandex propaganda vs Terminator

Samurai: Generational issues

Megaforce: Copyright infringement

Dino Charge: Absent father causes problems

Ninja Steel: Absent father is useless

Beast Morphers: Terminator fighting semi-furries

Dino Fury: Daddy issues

Cosmic Fury: COSMIC daddy issues

#power rangers #mmpr #mighty morphin power rangers #nostalgia #show #childhood shows #tv #boom! comics power rangers

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kindheart525 · 1 month

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I can’t make a Smiling Friends next gen without showing what our own Allan Red is up to! Other than paying for abortions of course /j

Allan never really thought about having kids or starting a family. Sure, he has the occasional one night stand, but that doesn’t mean he expects them to go anywhere. Plus he doesn’t like little critters running around and invading his space, even without counting the especially bad experience he’s had with that. Once his coworkers start having kids and he’s forced to be around the rowdy little ras-cales, it only affirms for Allan that this is not the life he wants. He does not like kids and isn’t eager to get married either. In my personal headcanon he’s on the aromantic spectrum, but Allan doesn’t care to label himself like that. All he would say is that he’s simply not interested and he has better things to do.

But that doesn’t mean Allan is a total loner. He cares about his friends and enjoys a little companionship even though it’s not the kind most critters prioritize in their lives. So as the rest of his friends took on the title of “father,” Allan became a proud cat owner! But don’t call him a “cat dad” or the cats his “fur babies” or anything like that; he finds the whole thing to be pretty ridiculous.

To him they’re more like roommates and close friends who he happens to feed and clean up after. They’re quiet, well-behaved, and nothing like his friends’ children (who aren’t allowed to meet the cats for the most part). He finds it insulting for them to be compared to children and arguably the cats are insulted by that too. I don’t know, their faces just all look like that.

Here are the cats themselves:

Noodle (pronounced “New-dell”) is the Foreign Shorthair that Allan adopted when his friends’ kids were little and who he owned throughout his 30s. He fits the classic “pet looks like their owner” stereotype with his squinty, judgmental eyes, his long gangly limbs, and his unusual “honking” meows that kind of sound like Allan’s monotone voice. He’s very selective with his affection yet seems to think of himself as some kind of god; he’ll scratch almost everyone who touches him but will loudly demand that Allan carry him around everywhere like a king on his throne. Allan will argue with Noodle over who’s really the boss of the house, but oblige anyway to keep him satisfied.

Coca Cola and Pepsi (pronounced “Cokey Coh-lah” and “Bepis”) are a bonded pair of Sphinx cats who serve as Allan’s companions during his midlife. Much like Noodle before them (and most cats to be honest), they have a god complex and expect to be treated like royalty, which is amplified by these littermates egging each other on in everything they do. They’re like a sassy villain duo that you would see on TV, causing mischief in their stylish coordinated sweaters that Allan paid a lot of money for (“it isn’t a fash-awn statement, they have a medical condition-uh”). One minute they’re screaming at their owner to feed them and the next they’re looking photoshoot ready, so you can never expect what kind of mood they’ll be in.

Quesadilla (pronounced “Queue-salahd-yuh”) is Allan’s final and longest-lived cat. An ugly, scraggly black hairball since kittenhood, she was the runt of her litter and the last to get adopted, but ended up outliving all of them. Allan takes excellent care of all of his cats, providing them the best food, enrichment, and exercise he can reasonably afford, but even he is surprised at Quesadilla’s longevity. She makes it to almost 30 years old! He didn’t even have to spend a fortune at the vet to keep her alive like some critters do for their pathetic little dogs—Quesadilla would kill the vet herself if he did subject her to that. Even as she slowed down, even when she was blind, deaf, and could barely walk straight, she stayed alive out of pure spite.

#KindsArt #smiling friends #allan red #allan smiling friends #smiling friends allan #alan red #smiling friends alan #alan smiling friends #noodle red #coca cola red #pepsi red #quesadilla red #dottieverse #cat

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naughtyneganjdm · 1 year

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A Compromise - Chapter 21

Summary: Y/N attempts to make amends with her family after everything she put them through, but she's not sure she deserves there forgiveness. Especially when it comes to Negan.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), etc.

Warnings: Swearing, massive angst, smut, sadness, etc.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27834154/chapters/127977427

Notes: This is the second to last chapter of this story. I'm just really desperate to finish the stories that I have left that are open. Sorry it has taken me so long to finish this one.

Nothing was harder for Y/N than when she coached herself to walk up the sidewalk of the home she used to share with Negan and their children. After Shane pulled what he had at the apartment, Y/N hadn’t seen or talked to the children and Negan. Right now, she didn’t feel like she deserved to be around any of them. That night proved it to her.

Finally gaining the courage to knock on the door, she waited when the sound of the dogs barking inside of the house were heard. God, she hated to admit it, but she actually missed that. Even if she told herself not long ago that she hated it. It was something that was part of her everyday life and it was strange not having both Cooper and Oliver with her.

Once the door opened, Cooper pushed his way through the door to hop up toward her. Immediately the younger golden retriever started kissing at her face and a sigh filled the air, “Cooper! Get down. You’re not supposed to be doing that…”

“It’s okay,” Y/N assured lifting her stare to finally meet the familiar pair of green eyes before her. Suddenly the courage that Y/N had to come up to the home slipped her at the sight of the person before her. “Hey Sam.”

“Y/N…” Sam breathed folding her arms out in front of her chest while Y/N lowered down to see Cooper who was extremely happy with her presence. Once Oliver had heard the familiar tone of Y/N’s voice, he was eager to come in behind Sam to meet Y/N at the door. Pushing his way through, Oliver curled up against Y/N when she wrapped her arms around him to give him a big hug. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

“I know,” Y/N cleared her throat pressing a kiss over Oliver’s head happy to see that he was still doing good after the time she had been away. There was so much that was flooding through Y/N’s head but by the expression over Sam’s features she knew that Sam wasn’t happy with her. “Listen…I’m not sure what you know…”

“Dad didn’t want me to know anything,” Sam answered her with a slow nod, her young features getting more intense with her eyeing over Y/N. “But I’m not stupid. I’m not twelve years old anymore.”

“Even at twelve years old we would have never been able to hide anything from you Sam,” Y/N responded with a sigh, standing up slowly so she could face her stepdaughter. An unbearable ache settled in over the center of Y/N’s chest and she let out a long sigh. “I don’t really know what to say to you Sam.”

“What is there to say? You broke my dad’s heart and you pretty much traumatized NJ. I guess I should be thankful that I got through college before you decided to have your midlife crisis,” Sam stammered, tipping her head to the side when Y/N’s lips parted, but nothing came out. “I had your good years. So you don’t have to apologize to me.”

“I deserved that,” Y/N noted feeling the lump in her throat growing. Sam wasn’t wrong. She fucked up big time and she knew that. “I actually deserve worse.”

“I don’t even know what happened to you. The woman that I met and the woman that I know you are now…they aren’t even close to being the same,” Sam informed her stepping away from the doorframe when Cooper headed back into the house, but Oliver stayed attached at Y/N’s hip. “What happened to you Y/N?”

“I can’t explain it because there is no good excuse,” Y/N admitted with a loud swallow knowing that she had been questioning that same thing a lot lately. “I screwed up. Really bad.”

“That’s an understatement,” Sam agreed with Y/N noticing the way that Y/N could barely even look at her right now. “You know, you were about my age when you got with my dad. You had your whole life figured out by then. Most people don’t find the love of their life at the age you did. Someone who was willing to give them everything they wanted in life. I thought my dad getting with you was the best thing for him and I’m not sure someone has ever hurt him as much as you have.”

“You’re right,” Y/N agreed with Sam, not fighting her on what she knew was true. “I was lucky and I fucked up really bad. I lost sight of the things that were important in my life and I made the worst possible decisions that I ever could. You can��t make up for the things that I have done. But I regret every choice that I made that hurt your father and your little brother.”

“What are you doing here then?” Sam inquired throwing her hand up in the air, her green eyes visibly getting more upset when she threw her blonde hair back over her shoulder. Sam’s dimples grew in intensity and it was the same way it would get when Negan was upset. “Dad isn’t here right now. That’s why I’m here watching the children.”

“I was actually here hoping that Negan Junior would talk to me,” Y/N confessed in broken breaths hating to feel the way she did about things. At this point she wouldn’t blame NJ if he didn’t want to talk to her at all. “I wanted to see him and talk to him about some things.”

Pushing open the door, Sam waved her hand about motioning Y/N to come inside, “He’s in his room reading some of his comics. The girls are in the backyard trying to catch some fireflies which is where I’m meant to be right now. So if you want to talk to your son, you are going to find him in his room.”

“Could you bring him out here?” Y/N begged of Sam who immediately shook her head. “I don’t feel like I deserve to walk into that house after everything I’ve done to all of them.”

“If you want to make up for the things you’ve done, sometimes you have to face those fears and thoughts and just do what is right. Which is going to your son’s room and talking to him,” Sam suggested pushing open the door further and pointing in the direction of NJ’s room “I’m needed in the backyard. While I trust Isabella with Avery, they are still children and they shouldn’t be left to themselves around the pool. So if you want to talk to NJ, you’re going to have to come in.”

With a nod, Y/N’s heart skipped a beat at the center of her chest and she moved into the house. Oliver eagerly followed and Sam closed the door behind her, “I’ll be in the back with the girls if you need me.”

“Thanks Sam,” Y/N commented gathering her bearings enough to force herself up to NJ’s bedroom. She hated to admit it, but she felt horrible about everything and didn’t even know if she should be here right now trying to talk to anyone in the first place. Sam already made it clear how much damage she had done to the family from her mistakes. Pushing at the door to NJ’s room, she felt her throat tensing up at the sight of her son laying on his back reading his comics. His hair had grown out and his hazel eyes were heavily focused on the comic book. Once the door was open enough, Oliver pushed his way into the room and jumped onto the bed with NJ. A groan fell from her son’s throat before a laugh followed.

“How did you get in here?” NJ set the comic book aside and started to rub at the ears of Oliver who had crawled in over NJ’s chest to give him a hug. Looking toward the door, NJ’s smile slowly faded when his eyes locked with Y/N’s. “Mom?”

“Hey baby,” she spoke softly, her chest aching further watching the expression in his hazel eyes changing when he pushed up on his bed and Oliver adjusted appropriately. “Would it be okay if I sat with you buddy?”

“Yeah,” NJ adjusted on the bed, sitting up enough to make room for her and for Oliver to be next to him too. When Y/N moved beside him to take a seat, she set her bag down in front of her and could sense that NJ was uncomfortable with her sitting next to him. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” she informed her son with a shuddering breath, finding herself getting emotional as she sat beside him. “NJ, I haven’t been a good mother. I’ve been really terrible in fact. I got so caught up in the things that I thought I wanted in my life that I was ignoring all the things in my life that actually made life worth living.”

Tears were swelling up in NJ’s eyes while she sat beside him and he forced himself to look away from her as she took in a shuddering breath, “I know I’ve made a lot of horrible mistakes and I’ve done things that I can never make up for, but NJ...you are the best thing that ever happened to me. You and your sisters. I never thought I wanted to be a mother, but God, the first time I saw you I knew that I was wrong. You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life. And then when those doctors put you in my arms, everything felt right in that moment.”

A single tear slid down NJ’s face and she felt her voice tremoring while she spoke to her son, “I got lost. Your grandfather reminded me of all the things I wanted before I got with your father and I let that blind my judgement of what was right and what was wrong. You have been and you will always be more important than any job Negan Junior. I should have never missed those games or your birthday. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me forever and you never wanted to forgive me. When I was your age, I was so angry at my father and I turned out worse than he was.”

“I don’t hate you,” NJ whimpered, looking to his mother with his beautiful hazel eyes causing her lips to part and she let out a tremoring breath.

“I don’t deserve you forgiving me NJ. I hurt you. I said terrible, awful things,” she acknowledged to the things she had done in the past to her son hearing his breathing getting louder and he started to cry. “And I was wrong. I was horribly wrong and I want you to know that. You deserved a mother that was just like your father who is perfect by the way. Anything I ever said about him that was negative was so wrong. I should have never stopped being the mom that I was at first before I got that stupid job. There is so many wrong things that I did to you, your sisters and your dad. I screwed up kiddo and I am so deeply sorry.”

Shakily reaching her hand out, she caressed her fingertips in over the side of NJ’s face to sweep at the tears that were over his cheek, “I want you to know that I quit that job. I hated the person I became and it took you talking to me that night at the apartment to see exactly what I was doing wrong.”

Pausing, she felt her chest ache when she thought back to the words that NJ had said to her about wanting his mother back. The look in his eyes still haunted her to this day. There was so much pain and anguish in her young son’s eyes that night and she knew it was her fault and her fault alone.

“I miss the woman that I used to be too, but I don’t deserve you children or your father. I messed up so much that there are things that I will never be able to fix. But leaving that job was a start. I forgot why I wanted to be a lawyer in the first place. I thought I wanted to be successful, but being successful is not the most important thing in the world. You are. You are the most important thing and I am so sorry that I got lost along the way baby,” she spoke and there was a tremoring breath that fell from NJ’s throat showing that her words were making him exceptionally emotional.

“You quit your job?” NJ’s bottom lip quivered, his hand reaching up to place in over the back of Y/N’s while she touched his face. NJ’s hand was shaking, his eyes locked on hers when she nodded. “What are you going to do?”

“I talked to my old job and they were willing to take me back, but I stressed that I had to have a lighter schedule because I wanted to spend more time with my children,” she explained to NJ hearing his cries getting harder and she tipped her head to the side. “That’s if my children want to be near me after all I’ve done.”

“That’s all I ever wanted mom,” NJ admitted lowering his head and he let out a shuddering exhale. “I’ve always loved you and wanted you happy, I just missed you so much.”

“I know baby and I see that now,” she whispered reaching out to wrap her arm around NJ to urge him closer to her. A relieved breath fell from her throat when NJ allowed her to hug him tightly to her. Nuzzling her nose in against the top of his head, she let a kiss follow. Holding NJ tightly in her arms, she cherished the moment knowing that she questioned if she would ever have a moment like this again. “I am so sorry. The things I said to you…the things I did…I don’t know what I was thinking. I love you so much baby and I’m sorry that you thought I hated you. I was overwhelmed and I was putting the blame on people that you were never at fault for. You have always been the shining star in this family. You are my beautiful, perfect little boy and you are an amazing young man.”

“You mean that?” NJ pulled back enough for her to stroke her fingers through his longer, dark hair to brush it behind his ear.

“Every word,” she whispered knowing that she likely looked terrible herself with how she was crying but she didn’t care. “You have always been the best of me and your father. People could only dream of having a child as good as you. You’re such a good big brother and you are so talented. Your heart is so big and I know that.”

Pressing forward, she placed a faint kiss over his forehead and curled her fingers around the back of his neck, “I’m sorry I got lost about what made me really, genuinely happy NJ. I wish I could take it all back, but I know that I can’t. And I know that I will never be able to take back that pain that I gave you. I don’t deserve you forgiving me and I know that…”

“But we can try,” NJ pulled back, swallowing down loudly when he squeezed his fingers against hers. “If you really mean everything that you said.”

“I do,” she assured him bringing his slender hand up to pepper loving kisses over the back of it. “You mean everything to me NJ and if I can, I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” NJ whispered, his reddened eyes staring out at her when he looked down toward her hand holding his. “I just want you to be my mom again. You don’t have to make up for anything. I just want you in my life mom. I love you and that’s all this was ever about. I love you mom. I always did.”

There was so much she wanted to say, so much she should have said, but instead of saying them she just wrapped NJ back up in her arms tightly holding him lovingly. Stroking her fingers through NJ’s thick, dark hair she was thankful that he was such a sweet boy, “I want you to know that Shane is no longer in my life. After what he did that night, I kicked him out that day. No one touches my son like that and gets away with it. I’m sorry you were put in that position in the first place. It’s my fault that it happened and I should have never had Shane there to begin with.”

“Shane is gone?” NJ tipped his head up to look at her behind his long eyelashes. After she nodded, confusion flooded his features. “Then why have you been gone? We’ve been so worried about you and I didn’t know what to think.”

“Because I don’t deserve any of you NJ. After the things that I did…” she started to ramble on, but NJ immediately shook his head and grabbed a tight hold of her hands. “After everything I did, you all deserve better than me.”

“You’re our mom,” NJ reminded her with a bit of strength behind his tone. “It doesn’t matter what you think because we love you. We just want you in our lives. We all love you. And if I can forgive you…I know they can too.”

“I love you so much kiddo,” she whispered stroking her fingers through his dark hair feeling a large amount of weight being lifted from her chest hearing her son saying the things she felt like she never deserved to hear. “I’m not sure that I should be forgiven so easily.”

“It won’t be sudden, but if you really mean everything you say, then I’m willing to try,” NJ reminded her giving her hands a firm squeeze. “You’re my mother and the only thing I ever wanted was to be close to you again mom. I miss us.”

“I miss us too,” she cried hating that she ever let it get this bad to begin with. Pulling one of her hands away, she motioned him to wait and then reached for her bag that she had brought with her. Grabbing what she had brought for NJ, she held it out for him seeing his hazel eyes gazing it over. “I bought you this. At my old job, we had a client that was a professional baseball player and I talked to him about you. I told him that my son wanted to be a professional and he told me that this was the kind of glove to get you. Also told me that if I was interested, he would be willing to put you into one of his programs where he helps children like you that want to make it big.”

“I thought you didn’t want me to be a baseball player,” NJ reminded her of the things that she had said previously and she shook her head immediately.

“Negan Junior, I want you to be whatever you want to be because I know if you put your mind to it, you are capable of anything,” she lowered the glove down to stare out at her son with sincerity in her eyes. “If you want to be a baseball player, I am going to support you every step of the way. I know you’re capable of it and I want you to be happy. I promise you, I will never be disappointed in whatever you decide in your life because I just want you happy NJ.”

“Thanks mom,” NJ accepted the glove looking over it and he let out a shuddering breath. “You need to see the girls. They have wanted to see you.”

Setting the glove aside, NJ hooked his fingers with hers and led her to his door. Oliver followed them not far behind as she followed him toward the backdoor where the girls were playing with Sam. Once Isabella spotted Y/N, she immediately set the jar down that she had and ran out to where she was standing with NJ.

“Mommy,” Isabella called out and lowering down, Y/N allowed her to run into her arms for a big hug. Squeezing her tightly in her arms, Y/N saw the way that Avery headed over toward the group of them with her little legs making Y/N smile. Hooking her other arm around Avery, she squeezed them both in tighter to her. Kissing the sides of their faces, she felt emotional with how eager they all were to have her near. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too baby,” Y/N muttered noticing the look that Sam was giving them when she approached them. “I’m so sorry that mommy has been away for so long. I promise I’ll try to be here more for all of you.”

“I wish daddy was here too, he misses you so much,” Isabella alerted her mother and a nervous breath fell from Y/N’s throat. “You are going to be around more?”

“I hope so,” Y/N confessed with a loud swallow. “As long as it is okay with your father.”

After talking to the children a little longer, Y/N knew that she was likely overstaying her welcome and she had said goodbye to the children who weren’t exactly eager to say goodbye to her. When she headed for the door with Sam while NJ stayed in the back with the girls, she reached for something that she brought with her that was in her jacket and held them out to Sam.

“Would you give these to Negan, please?” Y/N saw Sam eyeing over the papers and Sam let out a disgusted breath when she realized what they were. “Please.”

“You’re still trying to divorce my dad?” Sam inquired, her eyebrow arching up in curiosity and a disgusted breath fell from her throat. “After all of that? You still want to divorce dad?”

“I don’t deserve your father after the shit that I pulled Sam,” she declared with a hurt sound looking to the papers that were in her hands. “Your dad deserves better than me. You know that. I know that.”

“All he wants is you though,” Sam pointed out with a huff, her eyes narrowing while she looked to the papers again. “Do you even realize what today is? What day it is? He’s where he has been every day on this day for the last twelve years.”

“I don’t…” Y/N thought about what Sam was saying causing her to let out a shuddering breath when she thought about what day it actually was. “He’s there?”

“Of course he’s there. Because regardless of what you’ve done, he still loves the hell out of you,” Sam insisted with a huff, pushing the papers in closer to Y/N in a polite enough manner. “I won’t give those to him. If you want him to still sign those, you take those to him yourself. Because I won’t be the one to break his heart and I don’t deserve that either Y/N. Dad deserves better than that. It’s not fair to put that kind of thing on my shoulders.”

“I doubt the thing he wants to see tonight is me,” she pushed and Sam shrugged her shoulders.

“I highly doubt that. You’re probably the thing he wants to see the most tonight,” Sam shook her head pointing toward the door. “I’m sure if you make it in time, you can catch him before you have to wait for a long time.”

Putting the papers back where she had pulled them out of, Y/N went to leave before stopping and looking back at Sam, “I’m sorry Sam.”

“Y/N, you never hurt me,” Sam pointed out with a sigh, her expression softening when she stood before her. “You were the best stepmother I could have asked for. I don’t like seeing that you hurt dad and NJ, but you were always good to me. I think I turned out so good because I had four loving, amazing parents. I think you have to remember the woman you were because she was pretty damn good. And I love her…a lot.”

There was a sinking feeling in her chest when Sam stepped forward to wrap her arms around Y/N to give her a big hug and Y/N eagerly accepted the gesture, “I know the woman that raised me is still in there. And she’s fully capable of making things better. If she just tries. But if you want to see Negan, you have to probably leave now.”

Saying her goodbyes, Y/N sat in the car for a moment debating if she should really go to see Negan after Sam told her where he was. Even against her better judgement she drove to the area that she knew Negan would be and like every year before when she got out of the car, she saw the hot air balloon at the center of the large field. It was the anniversary of the first time they had slept together. Negan would always come back to this place to celebrate the relationship that they shared together. Rain or shine. And on the good days, he would always do an air balloon ride like they did that first night.

Walking quickly toward the hot air balloon, she could see that they were about ready to leave. In the distance, she could see that Negan was already inside of the basket, his arms folded in front of his chest and his head lowered. He looked sad. And she knew why. Even if she knew the last thing he needed tonight was her, she headed for the hot air balloon and when she got there, she curled her fingers around the basket edge. Immediately, Negan’s eyes lifted, surprise filling them when he saw her standing there. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Negan repeated, his arms lowering down at his side, stepping forward toward her.

“We need to talk,” she whispered. Yeah, that was vague, but it was true.

“We’re about to take off,” the man running the air balloon informed her looking toward the controls. “You either have to get in or you are going to have to wait.”

“Can’t you hold off?” she begged seeing the man shaking his head and when the basket started to lift from the ground she tried to pull herself in. Before she could slip, she felt Negan helping her into the basket causing her to fall in against his chest. Allowing her to gather herself, Negan’s long eyelashes fluttered when she lifted her eyes to his. “You’re still doing this?”

“Of course I am. Today is a special day for me, even if it no longer means anything to you,” Negan informed her watching the way that she looked over the side of the basket to see the further they were getting away from the ground. Involuntarily she cuddled herself further into his arms showing that she was still uncomfortable going in the hot air balloon after all these years. Deep down, he didn’t hate it though. It had been so long since he had her in his arms like this. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s complicated,” Y/N responded noticing that she was clinging onto Negan like she wouldn’t let go and she knew it was inappropriate. Stepping back and away from Negan, she had a hard time looking him in the eye considering everything that had taken place. “I went to see Negan Junior to apologize. I wanted to talk to him and Sam told me you were here.”

“And how did things go with NJ?” Negan inquired, folding his arms out in front of his chest again. Everything felt awkward and this was definitely a strange conversation to be having in this situation.

“They were good,” she didn’t know what she should and should not say, but Negan was their father so she knew he deserved to hear everything. “I was being a really bad mom. I know that. I admitted that. I told him that I was sorry and I wanted to start trying to build our relationship again. That is…if you’re okay with it since you are their primary parent.”

“Of course I’m okay with you being around our children,” Negan reminded her, shrugging his shoulders like it was silly for her to even ask something like that. “I don’t even know why you would ask me that.”

“Negan, I’ve fucked up really bad,” she reminded him of all the mistakes she had been making lately. “I know what I’ve done and we don’t have to pretend like I’ve been a good mother. Wife. Or person even in that matter.”

“We all make mistakes,” Negan spoke in a whisper and she shook her head.

“Not this bad,” she denied to believe that everyone made the kind of mistakes that she made over the last few years. “I told NJ that I quit my job. It wasn’t working with the schedule I know I’m going to need to be around my children. I contacted my old job and told them I just need a lighter schedule so I can be with my children.”

“You quit your job?” Negan’s arms dropped at his side, shock flooding his features. “No one expected you to do that Y/N. I don’t think you needed to quit your job for NJ to forgive you. That was the career of your dreams.”

“That was a bad dream,” she insisted with a half laugh, lowering her eyes to stare down at their feet. “Any job that keeps me away from my children during the most important points in their life is not the job for me. I don’t care if I was a partner. I don’t care if my father gets angry with me. I need to be there for my children growing up. They deserve the mother that I used to be, not the piece of shit that I became.”

“Y/N,” Negan didn’t know what to say and she could see that his eyes were tearing over hearing the words that she had just said. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything at all,” she suggested with a sigh knowing that the man controlling the air balloon likely felt uncomfortable with her mouth vomiting everything that she was. “I realized that I hated the woman that I had become. I actually used to like me and then something changed. I should have never allowed that change to happen because I lost the things that were the most important to me. And that was all my fault.”

“You never lost any of us,” Negan corrected her, his Adam’s apple bouncing in this throat. Staring out at him, Y/N noticed that Negan looked tired. It made her wonder how well he was sleeping and more than anything she wanted to touch him right now but she knew that she couldn’t. “We were always there waiting for you.”

“After what I did, I don’t deserve any of that Negan,” she pushed her feelings on the whole thing and he threw his hands up in the air.

“Well, you can’t help it when you love someone the way that we love you,” Negan pushed the subject further, his thick eyebrows bouncing up when he spoke. “Things haven’t been the same without you at home and I know the children miss you. I miss you.”

“You deserve better than me Negan,” she whispered and it made him roll his eyes. Shoving his hands into his pockets, Negan gave her a certain look that she knew was him being disappointed with what she said. “You do.”

“I’ve loved two people in my life. Lucille and you…” Negan reminded her of how he felt, his deep, raspy voice making a chill flood her spine. “I know how things have been and I understand you feeling the way that you do, but I promised you as long as we were both still on this world you were always going to have my heart. Always.”

“You’re too good for me,” she felt herself getting emotional over what he was saying. “You’ve always been too good for me.”

“I’ve obviously made some mistakes,” Negan pushed letting out a long, extended exhale. “I promise I will try to be better. I know that I’m boring and…”

“No. No. Don’t do that. What I said was so wrong. You’re not boring. In fact, you are the most amazing, interesting man that I know,” she hushed him, throwing her hands up not wanting to hear him attacking himself personally over the things that she said in the past. “I miss your flowers and your daily notes. I wake up every morning expecting to see them and then I remember all over again how badly I messed up.”

There were tears burning at her eyes and she knew that they shouldn’t have been having this discussion in front of a stranger, “I miss coming home and seeing all of the kids sleeping on top of you like it’s a puppy pile up because they love you so much. There has never been anything wrong with the man that you are. I’ve loved you whether you were smoking or not. Whether you are gray or not. Whether you’re wearing leather or sweatpants. Everything about you is perfect. Everything. And I have always known that. You are the sweetest man I’ve ever known. You are the best father and the best husband. You are the sexiest man I’ve ever known. Don’t ever question who you are…you’re everything anyone could want and more.”

Sucking at his bottom lip, Negan was trying to hold his emotions in and his dimples sucked in when he looked down toward their feet. A shuddering exhale fell from his throat when she let out a hesitant sound, “To be honest, the sweatpants do look really nice on you. When we were together, they would always turn me on when you wore them because the bulge they always gave you…”

The man that was with them choked making Negan involuntarily laugh and he lifted his head to stare out at her with amusement. “I’m sorry, you fill out sweatpants very nicely and I like the way they look. I know it’s inappropriate, but it had to be said.”

“Thanks,” Negan spoke with an innocent nod, his cheeks flushing over and he pushed his hands further into his pockets. “I’m wearing jeans tonight though.”

“And you look good in those too,” she commented causing the man that was with them to turn his head to try to stop himself from looking and she snickered. “Truth is Negan, there is nothing about you to hate. I’m the one that has problems. I’m the jealous one. I’m the stupid one. I’m the one that had perfection in front of me and I let it slip through my fingers.”

“You are such a silly woman,” Negan muttered with a shake of his head, pulling one of his hands out of his pockets. Placing it over the center of his chest, Negan’s voice was broken as he spoke. “You have held my heart in your hand from the beginning and you still have it firmly grasped. As long as I’m fucking breathing, my heart will only belong to you Y/N.”

Stepping forward, Negan’s rough hands cupped her face and he tipped her head back so she could look up at him. At this point she was crying and he stroked his thumbs over her flesh, “I love you so fucking much and I always will.”

Claiming her lips in an extended passionate kiss, Negan hoped to show her all of the emotions and love he had behind the kiss. Over and over again they shared that kiss with his hand sliding down from the side of her neck over her shoulders and down the side of her body to rest it at her hip. Their breathing grew louder with every kiss they shared until the man controlling the hot air balloon cleared his throat.

“I think I’ll end the flight a little sooner than planned so the two of you can have some time together,” he offered causing Negan to snicker while Negan’s nose nuzzled against hers and the sensation of his fingers sweeping over the back of her neck made her sigh.

“Take your time,” Negan instructed hearing her panting against the side of his neck. The man tipped his head to the side before continuing with what he was doing in minding his business. Giving Y/N another loving kiss, Negan swept his thumb in over her jawline. It looked like there was so much that Y/N wanted to say, but instead of allowing her the chance, Negan turned her in his arms to have her face outward to stare out at the world around them. Hooking his arms tightly around her, he held her close to him like he had done the first time they went up in one of these things.

Sliding her hands down, she hooked her fingers with Negan’s and closed her eyes tightly when the warmth of his breath pressed in over the side of her neck. Exhaling loudly, she wish she could go back to then and have a redo with things because she fucked things up so bad.

“Shane is gone. I threw him out the day that you came to pick up the kids,” she informed Negan leaning in closer to him with the way that his short beard tickled at her flesh. “I should have never brought that man into my life in the first place. I’m so sorry that I did Negan.”

“Stop apologizing right now,” Negan hushed her, depositing a faint kiss at her jawline noticing the way that she tremored in his arms. “For the first time in a very long time, take some time for yourself to relax.”

“I’ve just done so much wrong and I feel like a lot needs to be said,” she explained to him leaning further back against his chest. It had been so long since she last had Negan hold onto her like this. Her body yearned for it and she knew that she shouldn’t have wanted it as much as she did. “Plus, I was never very good at relaxing up here.”

“Touché,” Negan chuckled at the side of her neck agreeing with her in that sense. Every year since their first ride together they would always come back to this spot and every single time they were back on the ground she was always thankful for it. “It’s a nice night, no wind and we should enjoy this moment. I can’t remember the last time it was just the two of us being able to enjoy silence.”

Nodding, she slid her hands down in over Negan’s and hooked her fingers with his. Silence was not really something that she was used to at all. It was going to take a lot of getting used to after she left her job. There were so many things that she kept thinking about. What she should say. What she didn’t deserve in terms of being with Negan. Every negative thing she had done in her life was spiraling in her head and she hated that she let it get to this, but she knew she was a terrible person. There was no way that Negan and the children should have been accepting of having her back in their lives. If anything she had to work for it, but she wondered if it was too late for that.

Exhaling loudly, she felt Negan cuddling his face in next to hers and the warmth of him surrounded her. It was nice compared to the chill that surrounded them in the night air. Even if the heights always scared her, Negan was right. It was beautiful up here. Everything was so serene and it always put the world into perspective for her. Compared to the rest of the world she was so small.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Negan whispered causing a chill to flood her spine. “I don’t think this would have had the same effect if you weren’t here. This is where you are meant to be.”

“Negan…” she frowned knowing that this is where she wanted to be. Where she should have been all along, but there was no reason for Negan to forgive her as easily as he had.

For most of the trip they stayed quiet. It was likely awkward in general from the conversation she had with Negan earlier for the person flying the hot air balloon. So because of that the silence was comforting. Once they finally finished their trip, Negan got out first and helped her out. He spoke with the man before reaching for her hand and leading her to the same area they had stayed together the first time. His car was up on the hill and she felt her throat go dry.

“Negan,” she muttered his name watching him set up a blanket before starting up a fire for them. “I’m not sure you want to have me here with you like this.”

“There is nothing I want more,” Negan sat back on the blanket and pat the area beside him. His dark eyes were hooked on hers and she cautiously lowered down beside him after taking her jacket off and setting it aside. “The sky is pretty clear today which means we will be able to see a lot of the stars,” Negan laid back staring up at the sky. It was amazing how he found awe in so much. “Isabella told me the other day that she wants to be an astronaut.”

“I’m sure your fascination with space helps her have that opinion,” she admitted lying down beside Negan enjoying having him near. “So we’re going to have a baseball player and an astronaut. What do you think Avery will be?”

“A food critic,” Negan joked, a snort following when he turned to stare out at her. “That little one spits more food out on me than the other two combined did. She has a specific taste and if she doesn’t like something, she lets it be known. The restaurants will hate her.”

It was cute hearing that assumption from Negan, but it made her realize she really didn’t even know Avery that well. Which was awful since Avery was her daughter. She was around Negan Junior and Isabella in their younger years, but Avery she was very detached from.

“I missed out on so much,” she noted hating to admit it, but it was true. “I barely know our little girl Negan. And with the other two, I just checked out completely.”

“There is time to learn,” Negan suggested, turning on his side and balancing his weight on his arm while he looked her over “Avery came at a rough time, but she’s still young. She won’t know.”

“But Isabella and Negan Junior always will,” she commented, her eyes looking sad when Negan outstretched his free hand to trace over the side of her face with his rough fingertips. In the past his comforting her would have made her feel better, but tonight it didn’t. “I hurt Negan Junior really bad. He can say that he forgives me, but what I did…that’s going to stick with him the rest of his life. And you know that.”

“But you still have time to make up for what happened. Allow the good to overwrite the bad,” Negan suggested and she knew that wasn’t true. The bad was always the things that stood out the most in life. No matter how much good was done.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” she pointed out knowing that she had been so work coded over the last few years that she would have to work on the mother part of her again. “I wish I could just go back and change everything. Make new choices, but that’s too late.”

“We’ve all done something we regret,” Negan claimed with a shake of his head. “We can spend a whole lot of time going on about my mistakes in the past. I’ve made big ones. We both know that.”

“But when it mattered, you showed up. You’ve been an incredible father and husband…I failed as a mother,” she hated to be the person to admit all the awful things she did, but she did them. There was no erasing them, she had to face them. “I can’t even picture the pain that I put you and the kids through Negan and it hurts me to think of what I did. I never wanted to be like my father and I think I was worse than my father.”

“Your father never changed, but you have already attempted to make that change Y/N,” Negan assured her, sweeping his fingers underneath her jawline to get her to stare out at him. “You want to change. That’s something your father never did.”

“But it still happened,” she kept her foot down not wanting him to give her the benefit of the doubt. “You can’t just forgive me for the things that I did like they never happened Negan.”

“I didn’t say I was just going to forgive you,” Negan replied back with a frown, his hazel eyes shifting a bit when he thought of what to say next. “I just know how I feel without you in my life and I’m willing to work on things. I’m willing to work on us.”

There was that urge to continue to bicker with Negan about things, but the way he was staring out at her made a breath catch in her throat. Leaning in, Negan’s lips brushed over hers. With the sweet, sweeping sensation it made her eyes flutter to a close. It was hard to deny the kisses from the man she had grown fond of for so long. Sliding in closer to Negan, her hand settled in over his side and she felt his kisses tampering off over her jawline and toward her neck.

“I love you so much,” Negan breathed against the side of her neck, nibbling faintly at her heated flesh. “My heart has and still will always belong to you Y/N.”

With everything that he was saying, it took her right back to the first day they ever spent here. This was the same spot that they had sex the first time. And Negan was just as perfect now as he was then. Crawling in over Negan had him pressing up on his hands so that she could continue to kiss him. Stroking her palms in over the sides of his face, she found comfort in being this close to him again. Nuzzling her nose in against his, she felt her body tremoring with the warmth of his breath lingering over her lips.

Bracing his weight on his right hand, Negan reached up with his left hand to trace over the side of her face. There was still so much love in his eyes for her while he stared up at her and she knew that she didn’t deserve it.

“I love you Negan,” she breathed out, her words vibrating against his lips and it made him smile when she said it. Stroking her fingers through his thick hair, she leaned back enough to look him over and felt a lump growing at the center of her throat. “You never broke your promises. I just turned into a terrible person.”

“You got lost,” Negan responded, his thumb drawing out over her bottom lip. Lifting up enough, Negan pressed a delicate kiss over her bottom lip and he made her eyes come to a tight close. “But in this life, I want no one else. I just want you Y/N. Only you.”

Hearing him say those words, she believed it. There was something in the way that he looked at her, that he always looked at her that made her know that Negan loved her. Capturing his lips in another loving kiss, her hands reached down to press up underneath the material of his t-shirt. Palming down over the planes of Negan’s abdomen, she teased her fingers through the curls of hair that covered his flesh and heard his breathing grow louder. Tugging at his shirt, she moved back enough to help Negan pull it from his body and toss it beside them. Immediately, she lowered down to press kisses over his shoulders where his freckles were. At the same time, his hands were pressing up and under the back of the shirt she was wearing. Just the sensation of his rough fingertips over her flesh had her heart fluttering in her chest. Chills were flooding her veins with Negan nibbling at her bottom lip before brushing his tongue between her lips.

“Up,” Negan breathed against her mouth when he grabbed a hold of her shirt to help her pull it from her body. Once her flesh was revealed to him, he leaned forward to kiss down over the side of her neck toward her collarbone. Gradually his fingers skimmed up over the lengths of her back toward the back of her bra. Unhooking the material carefully, Negan managed to get it from her arms and tossed the material with their shirts that were beside them. Tipping his head back, Negan’s eyes connected with hers. At first, his hands started at her sides and slid up them unhurriedly. Tremoring against his touch, she felt his hands sliding up over the front of her abdomen before palming at the bottom of her breasts. Cupping them tenderly in his large hands, Negan watched her reaction to being touched by him and when she whimpered it made him smile. God, those dimples always got her. “You are still the most beautiful fucking woman I’ve ever seen.”

With his thumbs sweeping out over her nipples, it had her purring out and it gave him the courage to lean forward to press wet kisses between the valley of her breasts. Pressing his kisses over her breast, Negan took his time knowing that he wanted to draw this out for her. When his lips covered her nipple, it had her tossing her head back with her fingers hooking into his hair. Circling his tongue over the taut nub, Negan sucked faintly at the flesh and then turned his attention to the other breast working to pamper her body equally.

Pulling on his hair, she managed to get him to look up at her. His lips were wet, his breathing loud when he dragged his tongue out over his bottom lip. Moving back in, she brought their lips back together in a heated kiss where Negan wrapped his arms around her tightly to bring them close together. Dropping her hands down between them, she worked to undo Negan’s belt hearing him groaning against her flesh. Stealing a look between them allowed Negan to kiss down over her jawline and over her neck while she undid the button in his pants and pulled at the zipper. Lifting up enough, she managed to tug the material of his pants and his boxer briefs from his body to get them down to his thighs. Negan’s erection was rigid, resting against his lower abdomen causing her throat to go dry. Wetting her lips, she wrapped her fingers around his length taking her time to caress over his distended flesh.

“The way you look at me still gives me the most addictive feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life,” she whispered, her lips hovering in over his while she continued to touch him. It made his eyelashes flutter to a close, a muscle in his jaw flexing. Peppering faint kisses over his lips, she gave him one final touch before getting up from his lap. Undoing her pants while she stood before him had him looking up at her with desperation. The way he looked at her would have anyone swooning at the sight of him. Finishing getting the rest of her clothing off, she felt nervous being naked around him for the first time in a very long time. Once she calmed herself, she moved careful enough to lower back down over him. Her lips hovered over his while she reached down to grab a hold of his length. Leading it to her entrance, she took her time to tease him with the idea while she kissed him. Negan’s arms were hooked tightly around her wanting to keep her close while they got reacquainted with one another. By the time she finally did lower down in over him, it had Negan moaning against her flesh and she clung tightly to him. “You are perfect in every way.”

“I love you so much,” Negan slurred, nibbling at her jawline with his hands settling at her hips to help her movements over him. Pressing her forehead to Negan’s, they breathed in unison while she moved unhurriedly over him. It had been a long time since she really made love to Negan, so she was going to take in everything that she could.

From the way he was looking at her, to the way he was touching her, it was making her feel incredibly loved and he was the only one that ever was capable of doing that. Adjusting her position over Negan, she rolled her hips over him allowing him to fill her fully causing him to moan out in a raspy rumble.

“I love you,” Negan breathed out against her lips between kisses, his tongue dragging out across the inside of her bottom lip. Crying out, she curled her fingers into his hair and quickened her movements over him. Warmth pooled at her stomach with him hitting all the right spots inside of her. Closing her eyes, she clung tightly to him and felt a rush to her head. Pulling her hips away from him had her crying out while Negan’s growl vibrated against the side of her neck. Gasping out, she felt Negan rolling her over onto her back. Carefully lowering himself between her thighs, Negan braced his weight on his arms and laid over her.

“I love you too,” she responded while he brushed her hair away from her face. Tipping her head back, she cried out when Negan filled her again. His thrusts were slow, drawn out and perfect while he made love to her underneath the stars much like he did the first time they slept together. When his moans grew more frequent, she clung tightly to him wanting to have him near her when he reached his release inside of her. Neither one of them were desperate to pull away from the other. Negan just laid in over her while she stroked her fingers over the back of his neck playing with the small curls of hair that were there. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”

Pulling back just enough to stare down at her, Negan smirked and nuzzled his nose in against hers, “I forgive you.”

Hearing that made her chest hurt. There was no world where she deserved his forgiveness. Not that easy. Not when she didn’t work to earn it back. For a while they just laid like that and she cherished it. Hell, it felt perfect and she couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else in the world right now.

When Negan did finally move, he laid in beside her and wrapped her up in his arms. Easily Negan had fallen asleep and it made her wonder how many nights of sleep he lost because of her. Watching him sleep broke her heart. It made her think of how much she had missed out on over the last few years. Even more so over the last few months. The pain she put Negan through had to be extremely significant. Yet here he was willing to take her back with open arms. It almost didn’t seem right.

Eventually she had fallen asleep in the middle of the night in his arms and woke up to the sensation of him moving out from underneath her. Fluttering her eyes to an open, she watched Negan reach for his pants that were on the ground. Slowly her eyes adjusted to the small amount of sunlight that was surrounding them from the morning.

“Hey,” Negan looked over his shoulder at her after her breathing alerted him that she was awake. Turning around Negan faced her and she couldn’t help but chuckle to herself when Negan tipped his head to the side. “What?”

“I just missed waking up to all of that,” she pointed out making Negan snicker and look down at himself. “It’s a nice sight.”

“Does that mean you’re ready for another round?” Negan teased reaching down to stroke over his body a few times causing her to laugh out and drop her head back against the blankets. “I can get him fully hard if that’s what you’re asking for.”

“I think we should probably figure things out first,” she looked over to Negan playing with himself and she couldn’t help but laugh at his antics. “You’re still a goof.”

“I can be,” he agreed with her, his nose wrinkling in amusement when he started to work his pants back over his legs. Adjusting his body, he pulled them together and zipped them up. “I was thinking we could pack up and go get breakfast together. Sam texted me that she was spending the night with the kids so we have a few more hours.”

Negan reached for her clothes in attempts to get her dressed and let out a surprised sound when something fell from the jacket that she had deposited last night when they laid down together. Reaching for it, he let out a tense breath when he saw that it was their divorce papers. Looking back over his shoulder at Y/N, he watched the color drain from her face when she sat up carefully on the blankets.

“Why do you have these?” Negan wondered, his eyebrow arching in curiosity while she cleared her throat. “Did you bring these here last night with the intentions of having me sign them?”

“It’s complicated,” she breathed out slow and it made the happiness that was plastered over his features when he woke up disappear. “Yes, I thought you should sign them yesterday.”

“Why? Why would you think that after talking about wanting to change things for the better?” Negan waved the papers about and she lowered her head down. “I thought you wanted to fix things with us. Why would you bring these?”

“I don’t deserve you Negan,” she reminded him, getting up from where she was seated to reach for her clothes to put them on haphazardly while Negan stood before her in just his pants. “You should have realized that a very long time ago.”

“I don’t care what you think I deserve and don’t deserve,” Negan stressed, his eyebrows furrowing when he clasped tightly to the papers that were in his hands. “I want to be with you. I told you that I forgave you for everything.”

“It shouldn’t be that easy Negan. I’ve done nothing to earn that trust back,” she reasoned with him and she could see that his face was turning red. “One day you are going to realize the mistakes that I made were too big to heal and you’re going to be stuck with me.”

“I would never think that,” Negan tossed the papers down on the rest of his clothes that were still there. “I think if you are worried, we should just go to a therapist. Talk things out. Work out our marriage. That way it would make things feel right again.”

“You are too good for me,” she stressed, placing her hand over the center of his chest when he went to kiss her and she felt tears burning at her eyes. “You really should sign the papers Negan.”

“I don’t want to,” Negan shook his head, his tone extremely upset that she was even suggesting that to him. “After last night, I think it was more than enough proof why I shouldn’t sign the papers. We have a second chance at our relationship.”

“That’s the thing Negan, it’s not a second chance. It’s more like the hundredth chance for me,” she declared with a frown, pulling herself away from him and she shrugged her shoulders. “I love you. So much.”

“Then that tells you I shouldn’t sign those fucking papers,” Negan snapped, his jaw clenching in frustration.

“I love you enough to know that you deserve better than me,” she stressed, a single tear sliding down the side of her face. “Which is why I think we do need to go forward with the divorce. Not because I don’t love you. Not because you aren’t perfect, because you are the most amazing man I’ve ever known, but because I will only bring you down Negan. I’ve brought you down from the moment that we got married. You are this amazingly beautiful man, inside and out. I had you questioning that. I don’t think we ever belonged together Negan. I put you through hell for so long.”

“Hell for me is life without you,” Negan stressed, his bottom lip quivering when she looked to him again. “I want to be with you.”

“Then make me work for it,” she suggested, her throat tensing when Negan let out a hurt sound. “Allow me this. That way I can work to earn back your love.”

“You never lost my love,” Negan snarled, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “You can work it out married to me. We don’t need to get divorced for you to earn back my love because my love is still there.”

“I’m telling you Negan, I don’t think things will be able to be fixed unless you give me this,” she blurt out and it confused Negan to hear her talking like that. Snatching his shirt from the ground, he pulled it back in over his body and worked to pull it down. “I need this.”

“You want this? You really want this? It’s the only way for you?” Negan questioned with a hurt sound seeing her nod her head once. “I thought you said you loved me.”

“I do,” she explained with a broken breath. They were both crying at this point and she shrugged her shoulders. “It’s just this needs to be done or I will never be able to forgive myself for things. The things I did to both you and the kids…”

“You truly believe that? That’s the thing that is going to make you happy?” Negan wondered and she nodded her head. Letting out an upset breath, Negan reached for the papers. Staring down at the divorce papers, he saw that there was a pen that had fallen out of her jacket as well. Picking up the pen, he gave her one final look and bit down on his bottom lip. Flipping through the papers, he stopped where he was meant to sign his name. A tremoring breath fell from her lips when Negan signed the papers and tossed the pen aside. Stepping before her, Negan held them out and watched her shakily reach out for them. When she grabbed them, Negan stood before her, his eyes narrowing when his breathing grew louder. “I hope you’re happy.”

“Negan,” she muttered his name when he stormed off toward his car. Watching him get in, she could tell that he was upset and she stood at that hill. Frozen, she didn’t know what to do other than watch him drive away. It was the thing she wanted for a while, but now that he had done it, she felt like she was broken and wondered if it was something that she would be able to ever fix between them.

----

Tags:

@slutlanna976 @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @hotfornegan @sanctuaryforthelost @ayumi-wolf @redmercysugar @a-girl-interupted @akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03 @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @hollyismentallyillhelp @promiscuousbarnes @tone-stark @jimmymcgillsgf

#Negan #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #negan x reader #negan fanfiction #The Walking Dead #twd fanfiction #negan x you #Negan Smith #Negan smut

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rainroses45 · 6 days

Text

My Ghouls

ཐིཋྀdescription: your brothers soon realize a secret between you and your fathers outings Winchester Brothers x sister reader

ཐིཋྀa/n: I’m having a midlife crisis rn thinking about if i should change my major BUT MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR WAS LIKE WRITE OR DIE (btw he meant about the presentation but i took it this way :)) I also hate how rushed this felt so I might delete NOT EDITED

ཐིཋྀsong inspection: House of The Rising Sun & Daddy Issues

ཐིཋྀwarnings: child labor/neglect, cursing, unwanted touching, daddy issues (does that count?) john being a dick basically MAJOR FAMILY DRAMA

“I’m taking your sister for an outing.” John said as he grabbed his jacket from the chair. “Stay here until I come back.”

“Dad isn’t Y/n a little old for your daddy daughter dates?” Dean raised an eyebrow as you walked past him. You were dressed in jeans and a yellow long sleeve shirt, which anyone could hardly see over the knee length leather jacket.

“Nonsense she is still my little girl,” he wrapped an arm around you. You leaned into his embrace. It was one of the few moments he actually would showed his love. Or at least his bribery of love.

“Are you sure Sam and Dean can’t join us?” You look up from your father’s shoulder. If you were being honest, you really didn’t want to go. You never did.

“Next time sweetheart next time.” John gripped your waist tighter with a fake smile, a sign to tell you to shut the hell up. “Next time.”

“Okay well you two have fun, dean and I will probably continue on researching on our angry spirit.” Sam sat down and pulled his laptop from the table, not making eye contact with either one of you.

“Will do.” John opened the door for you. “After you princess.” He smiled, before gently placing a hand on your back and leading you to the truck.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad as the last time, you thought.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ ❀ ɞ˚‧｡⋆

“I’ll meet you at the bar,” John ordered as he handed you a bag of clothing. You opened it to find the same clothing from last time - short shorts and a tiny, pink, spaghetti strapped cropped top. Guess it wasn’t going to be any different from last time.

After you finished changing in the bathroom, you made your way towards the bar. Several eyes followed your figure, sending shivers down your spine. You felt naked and most definitely very afraid even with the sliver dagger hidden in your boot.

“You are late.” John took a swing of his whiskey before pulling out something from his jacket.

“Sorry sir,” you said. Before you could even ask what he was taking out, a pair of bunny ears was placed on your head. The headband clasped against your skull, making it extremely painful near the back of your ears.

“This should attract Bremen,” he said, adjusting the ears for one to be folded down and the other pointing up. “You remember the drill?”

“Keep singing till I see green.” You stated back his motto. It was practically tattooed into your brain since you were able to stand. Sing for food. Sing for information. Sing for the savior of the night. It was a past time of the greedy and the tormented of the poor. Don’t stop singing till you see green.

“Good girl,” he patted your cheek lightly making sure not to ruin your makeup. “Now go make daddy proud.”

And like clockwork, they called upon the entertainment of the night. “Put your hands together for the one and only Y/n Winchester!” The sleazy bar owner announced. A wave of cat calls from older men filled your ears.

“Dad they aren’t going to touch me this time-” You turned around to ask your father but were greeted with an empty seat. As per usual your father already began to hide in the crowd searching for any dollar signs or information about the murders.

“Please God, don’t let my voice give out,” you whispered as you made your way to the stage. To die by the hands of a spirit is different compared to ones of a father. “Please, don’t make me fail.” And with that you pulled yourself together with a flirtatious smile and got up on stage.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ ❀ ɞ˚‧｡⋆

“Come on Sammy,” Dean placed the Impala in park, “you’re hungry and i’m bored.”

“We could have gone to some diner not a rundown bar with creepy drunks.” Sam groaned as he looked at the demographic heading in. It was practically a crack house dunked in a salted rim. “Plus dad said to stay in the motel.”

Dean scoffed at Sam’s words, “since when have you ever listened to dad?”

“Since I realized how impulsive you are.” Sam got out of the car before slamming the door shut. “I swear if I get food poisoning Dean I will vomit all over your car.”

“You do that and i will have your head as a keychain.” Dean dragged his fingers across his neck, show casing how he would decapitate his brother.

"Whatever," Sam rolled his eyes playfully. Both of the brothers began to walk into the dingy bar only to be greeted with the most beautiful voice ever.

“Oh mother, tell your children not to do what I have done!” The voice was like silk but was raspy enough to give a twist to the tune.

"See Sammy they even got some live entertainment, it's not that bad." Dean nudged his brother in the stomach with his elbow, walking towards the bar.

“The voice sounds familiar.” Sam stayed behind, turning to look at the dimly lit stage. There was a young girl swaying to the rhythm of the beat. Her face was covered by the shadow yet she had this sorta sadness in her eyes.

“I’m goin’ back to New Orleans,” she raised her hand towards the gleaming light. “To wear that ball and chain!”

“She really got a voice on her.” Dean came back to where Sam was standing and handed him a beer. “I think Y/n would have enjoyed coming here to see the show.”

“I think she’s already here.” Sam says.

“What do you mean-” “Look,” Sam pointed towards the girls wrist.

On her wrist was a little tattoo, with the letters S, D, and Y/L/N in maroon ink. And just as they found the missing link to the situation, a hand grabbed the back of Sam’s collar.

“What in the hell of you doing here?!” Forcefully Sam was pulled back causing him to stagger backwards into a chest.

Dean caught wind of this and quickly reached for his gun in his side coat pocket, but to his surprise a familiar set of dead beat eyes met his.

“Dad?” Dean eyes opened in shock. “What are you doing here?!”

"I should be asking you fuckers the same." He pulled Sam's collar tighter. "I told you to stay in the motel."

"We got hungry dad, now let go of Sam before he turns purple and his spirit haunts our ass." Dean gently grabbed Sam out of their John's grasp.

"So, I'm guessing this is your idea of daddy daughter date?" Sam rubbed his neck angrily, "I mean what kind of father brings their daughter to a bar to perform in front of perverted drunks. And dressed as a play boy bunny mind you."

Dean stomached twisted from just looking around the seating area. Men practically salivated in lust at his baby sister, and you just stood there singing with what- a set of bunny ears on. He knew his family was fucked up, but he didn't think it was this fucked up.

"She wanted to sing, I'm just helping her explore her talent." John shrugged his shoulders before a round of applause and whistles echoed through the building. The boys watched as you hid behind the mic, trying to cover your chest as much as you could. Men throwing money at you like a stripper at a club, yelling at you to give them a show.

"Oh really? So this is what a supportive dad does?" Sam rolled his eyes as he did quotation marks in the air as he took a step towards his father. "You thought college was bad, but this is okay?"

"Don't sass me boy, you never had a chance out there." John gritted out from his teeth completely ignoring you making your way down stage.

Sam was ready to push John towards the floor, but Dean quickly got in between them.

"Hey! Enough both of you!" Dean shoved the two across from each other. "Why are you here?" Dean turned to face his father who looked like he was ready to shoot a built into someone's skull. He has been through enough bullshit in his life, but he would be damned if his sister had to go through it too.

"None of your business." John flared his jacket out, getting ready to go find you in the crowd. Luckily for him he didn't have to try to hard searching for his money maker.

"Dad can I take a break now- oh hi Dean," you waved back at him. Your hair was frizzy, and puffed out from the performance, some of your baby hairs stuck to your forehead in sweat. Your clothing stuck towards your skin, as your push up bra practically shoved your titis out. "What are you guys doing here?" You nervously asked. The wave of awkwardness and feeling uncomfortable flood your system and got even worse as your brothers eyed you up in disgust and worry.

"We could ask you the same thing." Sam crossed his arms in annoyance. He wanted to hear his sister explanation. He knew damn well he wasn't going to get anything out of his dad.

"I didn't want to be-" John put a hand over your mouth stopping you from speaking.

"Sweetheart it's not right to brag to your brothers." John pulled your body closer to his. His right hand twisted both of your hands behind your back. His other hand covered your mouth firmly.

You tried to move out of his grip but it only caused him to tighten his arm around your arms. You let out a muffed cry as you felt tears begin to prick at your eyes.

"Dad you are hurting her." Dean said as he tried to step closer but John took a step back.

"Go back home Dean, your sister and I aren't finished." John ordered the oldest Winchester brother.

"I will right after you let go of Y/n." He argued back. The flood of alcohol in his system seemed to give him even more confidence to stand up to his old man. John was shocked by his son but didn't let it shown too soon.

"Fine take the stupid brat, take her while I finish doing her fucken job." John shoved you forcefully into Sam's arm before turning his back on his kids.

You looked at your father's back as he soon disappeared into the crowd. You wanted to reach out - to gain his love once more, but you knew it was all an act for him. He fed you with fake love once, and you kept coming like a stray dog searching for more scraps.

"Come on kiddo, lets go," Dean wrapped an arm around your shoulders leading you out the bar. You roughly took of the headband as your once perfect mascara now began to run down your face blinding you from what was in front of you.

"It's going to be okay," your older brother reassured, "it's going to be okay."

⋆｡‧˚ʚ ❀ ɞ˚‧｡⋆

After arriving back at the motel and taking a well deserved shower, an award silence filled the room as you faced your older brothers again.

"We aren't going to get mad at you sweetheart," Dean said as he took a seat next to you on the bed. "We just want to know the truth."

Sam soon followed his brother lead and sat next to the other side of you. "You don't have to tell us now." He reassured you with a soft smile. "We just want to protect you."

"Dad has been using me for money and information." You said softly. There were no tears to cry, or any sobs to let out. You were drained. You were tired. You were numb.

"What do you mean?" Sam asks.

"He would make me dress in skimpy outfits and sing in bars in order to gain cash for food or as a distraction to grab the attention of any suspects." You clarified your recent statement. "Every one of our daddy daughter dates was him telling me to put on a show so I could earn his love. The more money I got the more love I received afterwards."

"How- how long have you been doing this for?" Dean asked nervously.

"Since I was seven." A pang of guilt hit him from your confession. You were 19 years old. You had been doing this practically your whole life and he never protected you. He was so worried about Sammy, he never realized he forgot about is other sibling.

"You don't have to do it anymore Y/n." Sam stated. "You don't have to worry about going up on stage or showing anything you don't want to. Nobody touched you right?"

The room went silent.

"It never led that far," you messed with your fingers, "dad always intervened at least when it came to that."

A giant weight of relief fell from the brothers' shoulders, but it was soon replaced with a bubbling overwhelming feeling of anger.

"Thank you for sharing this honey." Dean kissed your forehead before gently moving you to lay under the covers. "Now go to sleep me and Sammy are going to go do something real quick."

You nodded lazily, letting your eyes flutter closed, but before your vision turned black you saw the reflection of sliver bullets in your brother's hand.

The son of a bitch was going to be killed.

#winchester brothers #winchester sister #winchester family #spn #supernatural #winchester boys #sam winchester #dean winchester #dean Winchester x sister reader #sam winchester x sister reader #john winchester #daddy issues #hurt/comfort #angst with a happy ending #rushed writing #Winchester brothers x sister reader #im tired #I hate my writing

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toomanystoriessolittletime · 9 months

Text

New Years wishes

Week 5 of the Winter Writing Challenge

prompt: "I wanna be your last first kiss.“

Summary: After spending difficult six month without Marcus he surprises you for New Years Eve.

Pairing: Marcus Pike x fem. reader

Wordcount: 2.1k

Rating: G

Warnings: fluff, also angst, little heartbreak, Marcus is having a tiny midlife crisis, but it all turns out good in the end

A/N: totally stealing from Greys Anatomy I'm not even sorry

follow @toomanystoriessolittletime-fics and turn on notifications to get notified when I post new fics

You don’t know why you let Charlotte talk you into going to her New Years eve party. You weren’t big on parties, and you definitely weren’t looking forward to this one.

But you were looking forward to this year finally being over.

That’s the only reason Charlotte used to talk you into coming to her party, to celebrating this year finally being over and to starting a new year which would hopefully bring you more than heartbreak.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, your gaze landing on the necklace you were wearing.

The necklace Marcus had gifted you for your first anniversary.

It was a little cupcake on a golden chain, because it was through a cupcake that the two of you reconnected a year before.

Marcus was Charlotte’s big brother. Growing up you had the biggest crush on him but it would almost take twenty years for it to finally become more.

And it was a chance meeting.

You were working in your little bakery, not far away from FBI headquarters and Marcus had moved to town after getting offered to be the leading agent of the art crime division. You would only learn later that this new job originally also entailed a new fiancé.

But her loss was your gain in the end. Marcus started to spend all his lunch breaks in your little bakery, reconnecting and slowly falling in love with you.

And things had been going perfectly.

Eight months after you officially started dating he moved into your little house, just outside of the city you had inherited from your grandmother after she died.

You were so in love with each other, that you really didn’t know how to react when Marcus wanted a break.

It had been after another lengthier mission that Marcus had come home and asked for a some time apart. That he needed some time to think about his life and how he could be the best version of himself for you, and while it broke your heart, you were willing to give him everything he wanted if it made him feel better.

That was almost six months ago and you had both only seen each other a handful of times. He assured you that it wasn’t you, that he had some things he needed to work out with himself and that you deserved to have the best version of himself if you still wanted him.

Of course you wanted him. You would always want him.

You were beyond confused, asking yourself if it was something you did that made him feel this way.

You missed him. Every single day.

You went from daydreaming about the future with him together, both of you planing your wedding, where you would live, how many children you would have, to lonely microwave dinners and reruns of the bachelor until you fell asleep in front of the TV.

Christmas had been beyond depressing.

You never had much family left in the first place, and the last years had been spent with the Pike’s. You were invited of course, but you could not bring yourself to go there and spend the day with Marcus and his family, when you were hurting deep down about your relationship status.

You had tried to talk to him since he moved out, but he had only asked for more time, telling you that he would understand if you were getting tired of waiting, that he did not want you to wait until he figured his shit out.

Charlotte had warned you that Marcus was supposed to be attending her party that day too, and your heart already was hurting only thinking about seeing him again, without being able to actually be with him.

You just hoped that he would figure his issues out, because you could not keep living like this.

The taxi was driving through the busy city.

Charlotte had asked you to make some cupcakes, so the taxi was taking you to your bakery where Charlotte’s husband Eddie would be waiting for you to help transport the cupcakes back to her place for the party.

You could have just taken them to her yesterday, but she insisted she wanted them today.

Paying the taxi driver you grabbed your purse and took a look around, trying to check if Eddie was there already, but all you found was a black town car with a driver waiting in front of it. Shrugging to yourself, you searched for your keys, making your way to the entrance of your bakery when you heard your name behind you.

Turning around you found the driver, an older looking man smiling at you, asking your name again.

„Uh, yeah?“ You answered confused.

„Hello, I am Andrew. I am instructed to take you to your surprise,“ he said.

„Which surprise?“ You asked.

„I do not know. I only know I should take you there,“ he answered.

„Who told you to take me there?“

„Marcus Pike.“

Before you got into the car you tried to call Marcus, but he did not pick up the phone. Then you tried to call Charlotte who only told you that she knew about a surprise, but she didn’t know what it was about.

Still hesitant you sat in the backseat of the car, the radio quietly playing while the landscape flew by.

After a while you had an of idea where you were going.

One of your last dates with Marcus was spent house hunting. You had been searching for a while but could not find something you both liked immediately. You did however find a piece of land that you both fell in love with. It was overlooking the whole city while still not being to far out to commute to work every day, which you and Marcus could do together since you worked only two streets apart.

But before you could have made any further decisions, Marcus had asked for this… break. You were getting more nervous the more familiar your surroundings became, until the car stopped and you turned your head to look to the side, a sea of candles illuminating the night.

The car door opened and Andrew gave you a warm smile.

„I’ll wait here if you’ll need me,“ he said before he helped you out and walked back to the drivers side to get back into the car.

You took a deep breath, before you slowly rounded the car and walked towards where you could already make out Marcus waiting for you, surrounded by what must be hundreds, if not thousands of candles.

You were suddenly glad you had decided to wear your winter coat.

As if this whole set up wasn’t overwhelming enough, it was the first time you saw Marcus since the beginning of November.

He was waiting for you in the middle of this set up, a soft smile on his completely shaven face. Nervously you sucked your bottom lip in, walking towards him, while you looked around, seeing that these candles seemed to make up a shape. Of what, you were not sure.

„Hi,“ you heard Marcus say as you stopped in front of him.

„Hey,“ you whispered.

„You look… you look beautiful,“ he smiled, his hand reaching out to touch you, but stopping himself halfway through. You took a step closer, taking his hand and he sighed.

„You shaved,“ you said and he smiled.

„Yeah. I think I shaved my midlife crisis right off with the beard,“ he huffed nervously, his brown eyes set on you. He squeezed your hand.

„I owe you an explanation. And the biggest apology of my life,“ he sighed, shaking his head to himself. He took your other hand before he looked at you.

„Yeah. What happened? Was it something I did? I…“ you began but he shook his head.

„Remember the undercover mission I had been on for a couple weeks in May?“ He asked. You nodded.

„I ran into my ex wife.“

„Oh,“ you whispered. He took a deep breath.

„And I let her fuck with my head. And then I ran into Theresa and I couldn’t talk to you, because of the Undercover thing and it left me with my stupid thoughts for two weeks up to the point where I was certain that something must be wrong with me and that you deserve so much better,“ he said.

„Marcus…“ you mumbled, shaking your head.

„I know,“ he smiled sadly, „And instead of finally talking to you when I was back I pushed you away. You, the person I want to grow old with. I love you. So much. It’s…,“ he took a deep breath.

„Charlotte told me how miserable you were. She also told me what an idiot I am. My therapist too,“ Marcus continued.

„Therapist?“ You asked.

He nodded.

„Yeah. I wanted to find out what was wrong with me,“ he shrugged.

„There’s nothing wrong with you, baby. You’re just…“ you were looking for the right word.

„An idiot?“ He offered. You smiled.

„Yeah. But you’re still my idiot,“ you said softly and he released a deep breath.

„I’m so, so fucking sorry what I put you through these last months. If I could erase these last months, I would.“

You looked at him, your Marcus. There would be more talking about this in the future. Yes, these last months were hell, but he was here, right now. He loved you and you loved him. That was enough for the moment.

You got on your tiptoes, your arms wrapping around Marcus and kissed him. He stumbled back surprised before his arms pulled you against him and he deepened the kiss.

„I missed you so much. I’ll kill you if you ever hurt me like that again,“ you mumbled against his lips.

„Never,“ he vowed, rubbing his nose over yours.

„So… what is all this?“ You asked, looking up at him.

„This… This could be our dream house,“ he said. He pulled away from you, taking your hand and started walking.

„Right now, we could be standing in our living room. Fireplace right there, biggest couch we can find right here,“ he gestured. You smiled, following him. Now you could see the candles on the ground made out lines of different rooms.

„This,“ he lead you forward along the line, „could be the kitchen. Got you that big island you always wanted so you can have enough space to bake too,“ he winked and you grinned.

„What’s on the other levels?“ You asked. He turned and pulled you in his arms.

„Bathroom, Office, Guest Bedroom, Bedroom with walk in closet….“

„What about a nursery?“ You asked and he smiled shyly.

„We can fit one in there too, I think,“ he mumbled and kissed you.

„Two,“ you said and he nodded.

„I gotta say, this is all very romantic but last time I checked we don’t own this piece of land.“

He hummed.

„When did you last check?“ He asked, a smile sneaking to his lips.

You tilted your head, narrowing your eyes.

„I signed the papers this morning. It’s yours,“ he said and your mouth dropped open in shock.

„What?“ You gasped out.

„I bought it. For you. For us, if you want. I just… I want to make you happy. I…“ you stopped him with your lips on his mouth.

„You’re insane,“ you chuckled.

„Now you notice?“ He joked and you shook your head with a grin, letting your head rest against his chest when you heard the first firework go off, the sky glittering in pink lights.

„What time is it?“ You asked and he looked at his watch.

„Almost midnight,“ he whispered.

You both looked up at the sky, more and more fireworks lighting up the sky.

„I want to spend every single day of my life loving you. I wanna be your last first kiss. I wanna be the best version of myself for you,“ he whispered against your ear. You blinked the tears away, cuddling closer against him.

„I love you,“ you mumbled against him.

„Happy new year,“ he whispered, kissing your hair. You looked up at him, the man you loved.

„Happy new year.“

#my fic #Marcus Pike #Marcus Pike x fem. reader #Pedro Pascal #stephswinterwritingchallenge #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction

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