#MUST BE PREGNANT.

[healingheartdogs]

Doctors visits as an AFAB person that have absolutely nothing to do with potential pregnancy and do not at all match symptoms of pregnancy be like:

Doc: "When was your last period?"

Me: "I'm currently on my period, it started (date)."

Doc: "And are you on any birth control?"

Me: "Yeah I have the nexplanon arm implant."

Doc: "And are you currently sexually active?"

Me: "Nope, haven't been for years."

~ Fifteen minutes later ~

Doc: "Well your pregnancy test (that we didn't tell you we were doing or ask your consent for) came back negative so it's not that."

No. Fucking. Duh.

[fbfh]

I've literally only seen the pilot of game of thrones and I already wanna fuck Jon Snow so fuckin bad. "oooh but his oath, but his vows" I DON'T CARE. COCK IN MOUTH RN. fucking look at this

WHY DOES GOD KEEP SENDING ME THESE MISERABLE WET LITTLE BRUNET MEN WITH BIG OLD COW EYES AND EMPATHIC DOGMATICALLY LOYAL SENSABILITIES. STOP RIGHT NOW send more. bc I'll be so astronomically for real with you. this man pulls up on a horse with a fuckin direwolf puppy following him along fully believing he's its mama???? fold. instantly fold. no one can not fold at that. he's channeling all his yearning and desires into being loyal and noble and it fucking HURTS to look at him and know he's never had the sloppiest most earth shattering fucking top of all time. I'm thinking about a lot of things right now, mostly how good the tension of "I shouldn't do this I shouldn't do this I shouldn't do this" running through his mind while his heart betrays him and he moves closer to you is. the kicker is, he hasn't even done anything yet. he's maybe knelt and kissed your hand at most, but good GOD did it get you wet. because you can tell how much he's holding back. you can tell how badly he's aching for more, and the self control he's exercising makes you want to see him fucking snap. but you know he won't somehow it just makes it better and better. like you breathe in his direction and he's trying to get rid of impure thoughts unbecoming of a brother of the night's watch. and it's all self inflicted.

thinking also about Jon being assigned as your bodyguard for some reason. maybe you're of nobility, maybe you were requested to be delivered to some king or other, but now it's Jon's job to take you through the snowy wastelands of the north and deliver you safely to your destination. he quickly realizes that there is no way he'll be able to maintain his professionalism (he does, he just feels like he's throwing caution to the wind cause you make him blush). sitting you in front of him on his horse? you keep resting your head against his chest and speaking so sweetly to him to pass the time!!! sitting you behind him? your arms are around his waist!!!!!!!! he's losing it girlfriend!!!!! don't even get me started on making camp in some cave for the night to wait out a particularly bad snowstorm. you stay close to him at his insistance, knowing it's the only way for you both to stay warm. You're snuggled up in his arms under his cloak looking so sweet in the firelight. something howls in the distance, and you jump, moving closer to him. he realizes you feel protected by him. not in a professional guide-through-the-north way, in a way that you choose. you feel so deeply in your subconsious that if anything were to happen, you'd be safe in Jon's arms. you look up to him, feel protected and safe with him. you feel safe with him. and motherfucker if that doesn't stir something uncontrollable and irreversable in his chest. he knows he shouldn't, but his heart betrays him, and his arms wrap firmly around you, holding you close.

"It's alright," he murmurs so gently, "it's only the wind."

[systemdeez]

Reblog if you'd let your mutuals impregnate you!!!

[zombie-eats-world]

When Crocodad is confirmed true I expect every non believer that dismissed all the evidence with a shrug and a “I don’t like it so it’s not true” that’s ever argued with me to apologize. Not to me, to Crocodile! He deserves respect for carrying that crazy monkey to term!!!

[otps-in-plastic]

I just want to put out a word of warning that The Ultimate Guide to Barbie from A360 Media is not a reliable source for Barbie facts. I noticed multiple errors, such as referring to Francie as Frannie.

Some random dolls are used as part of Barbie's family tree to represent Barbie's aunt and grandmother. The text refers to her appearance in a Barbie movie, so why not use an image from the movie? Again, poor research skills. Or maybe laziness. Another aunt is represented by what appears to be a Sims character.

This magazine also uses a non-Barbie doll (Mommy to Be Judith) to represent Pregnant Midge. This is a VERY common mistake, but it shows poor research skills.

There's also the usual Bild Lilli slander, but that's to be expected.

[bisexualfemalemess]

He’s literally leaning down y’all and still taller than her. She’s two apples tall 🥺🥺🥺🥺

[bodega-catto]

[zach-is-an-alien]

RONNN

[manglam-marfach]

dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden

[sagisbrainrot]

I have $4, 3 braincells, vyvanse and a dream,,, svsss stans we must mobilize and fix this

[mamanbou]

THIS GODDAMN HOMO

[fisheito]

hiya l'il-- medium?...large?? Assorted Sizes-Guy

oh thanks! i could always use more spices-

. what am i supposed to do with this.

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

i love the rise of intersex male omegas for a/b/o aus now bc although i've always loved the genre i'll be honest the anal birth has squicked me out in the past

but i feel like this version of the au tends to gloss over Presentation as a thing or otherwise make it so that the pussy just like. Appears. which is fine. but i think kind of an untapped potential of a/b/o in general is in the gender fuckery of it, and like the fact that male omegas and female alphas have more or less the same deal down there

so i propose that until puberty, it could be that female alphas and male omegas are entirely the same- treated as their own neutral gender bc no one can tell if they'll end up alpha or omega until puberty hits and the hormones make the relevant changes

like you could do so much there?? like the usual 'well OBVIOUSLY im going to be an alpha wait what im an omega?' but also the potential 'people were so sure i was gonna be an alpha that they used feminine pronouns for me even before i presented and the change to masculine has me feeling Some Sort Of Way (positive or negative)' or 'people aren't treating me neutrally anymore and i don't care for it' or 'yeah im glad im an omega but i was hoping i'd get to be a woman' or 'i've hit puberty but people still can't tell if im an alpha or an omega. What Do'

like a/b/o has so much gender you could be doing with it (literally as a trans guy who wants to be pregnant some day i think it's genuinely helped me to come to terms with that) but i feel like people still end up with a dichotomy of gender when you could be doing So Much More

[totallyasloth]

okay but why did the urge to write a fic in which ted is pete's biological father strike me at 4 am???

hear me out: jenny left because ted got her pregnant after a one night stand, leaving baby pete on the spankoffski's doorstep. ted's parents decide that they'll raise pete as their own with ted as his brother because they don't think ted is responsible enough to raise a kid. this is also the reason they send ted to abstinence camp.

idk if it'd change much but like... food for thought I guess?? might write this after my check please au and angsty soulmate oneshots

[g1deonthefirst]

wasn't alfred a hedge fund manager? i get where ur coming from re: the class divide post otherwise btw but am somewhat stumped ab this bc he was definitely the one making the most money and likely highly educated as well, and ended up a cav. ig it is STEM/nonSTEM divide?

hi! yes, alfred was a hedge fund manager — he was also augustine's brother and so comes from a similar (presumably very wealthy) background. this exception doesn't really disprove the rule to me: either way, john was disproportionately likely to make people who were highly educated necromancers and people who were not cavaliers. i want to walk through a couple possible reasons for this.

the first possibility is that john (1) believed that people who were more "intelligent" were more likely to be able to understand necromancy and (2) implicitly believed that people who were academically high-achieving like scientists, lawyers, doctors, etc. were more "intelligent." clearly, john and the lyctors all seem to think pretty highly of their own intelligence. john in particular went from being a poor māori kid to being an accomplished scientist, and i don't think it's a stretch to say he probably believed he deserved it on the basis of intelligence.

in contrast, both alfred and cristabel have their own talents and intelligence disparaged — john describes alfred as "useless, but a darling" and augustine describes cristabel as "not hav[ing] the intellect you'd ordinarily find in a sandwich or an orange." additionally, necromancy is talked about in scientific terms, which lends itself to the idea that you might need some scientific understanding to be good at it. i think it's entirely possible that john consciously decided that some people wouldn't be intelligent enough to hack it and made them the cavaliers, a problematic assumption chiefly in that it equates academic achievement with innate intelligence.

the second possibility, and to me the more likely one, is that john simply made the people closest to him necromancers while making people he wasn't as close to (essentially his friends' friends) non-necromancers. it's pretty clear that the people john made necromancers were people who directly worked on john's original cryogenics project with him, while the cavaliers were all people who got dragged into his cult by those original project members. alfred is a perfect example of this — he's there because he's augustine's brother. other people have made posts about the possibility that john did this to intentionally separate his friends from the people they loved.

but either way, i think this demonstrates who john as a character cared about. john, as a successful scientist, surrounded himself by people who were highly educated and successful, predominantly (as you note anon) people in STEM. people who are disproportionately likely to be white, neurotypical, and cis, or at least disproportionately likely to be able to conform to white/european, neurotypical, cis standards. not only is john not as close to people in his project-turned-cult that aren't as highly educated, but poor people aren't present at all. there are no janitors, no retail workers, no manual laborers, no farmworkers. i don't get the sense that john ever really unpacked his internalized biases or questioned why he primarily values people who are highly educated.

"but," i imagine my hypothetical reader who's somehow made it this far protesting, "of course he's surrounded by highly educated people. he's working on a cryogenics project!" well...precisely. tumblr user sophelstien's scratch a liberal and a fascist bleeds essay touches on how this project demonstrates that john is not as progressive as some people assume he is, but what i'll say here is simply that john didn't have to make the people in his cryogenics project the leaders of his new society. and by installing the very people who our society rewards into positions of power, john — consciously or not — shapes the new society he's creating with the old society's inequalities.

[boywifesammy]

afab!dean or omega!dean alone at planned parenthood getting his papa’s baby aborted because john knocked him up before a hunt. he’s all ‘hello maam’ and ‘yes maam’ while filling out the papers silently and the lady at the desk takes one look at this 5’2 kid with shaggy clothes as he mutters out excuses and knows that he is obviously not 16 like his ID says. she hands him a lil dollar store lollipop and dean sucks on it in the corner while waiting for the nurse to come get him, his feet kicking in the air because they don’t touch the ground when he’s on high chairs.