#MY HEARTACHE IS REAL OK

[thedreadvampy]

My housemate is moving out in January

She told us this a week or two ago, when she sat down and, after sitting with us watching TV for over an hour, said "hey so I bought a house and I'm moving out. We agreed on 2 months notice so I won't move until the end of January."

The last time she talked in the immediate terms about buying a house was in 2021, when the sale she was working on fell though and she was unemployed so it was a "when I'm back in a position to look I'll start looking again." Since then I've occasionally asked her how she's doing on the house buying front and she's been like "oh I'm getting there financially" but hasn't mentioned anything concrete.

She didn't tell us she was looking at places. She didn't tell us she had put in an offer. She told us when the offer was finalised. A week AFTER she emailed the letting agent about getting out of her part of the lease. And, it increasingly feels like, only because the letting agent's response was that we had to agree to change the lease.

The letting agent's response (which our housemate obviously didn't copy us into; we had to follow up separately and they copied us into the email chain) also includes that when we change the lease, they're empowered to change the rent, quote, "no cap". Rent was already going up in January - there's no possibility of Sam and I paying her share of the rent.

The really fucking upsetting thing is we're not strangers. This isn't a casual "housemate we found on flatshare" thing. She and Sam have lived together literally their entire adult lives. Me and her have known each other well over a decade. I lived in her and Sam's flat when I was homeless. We were the first people she came out to as trans. We're not super close but I thought we were fucking friends. And she's literally gone out of her way to not talk to us about this for what must have been months while the sale completed - which means she's lied to my face at least once cause I've asked her about her finances in that time (cause she's in a job she hates that she only took to get the house money, so it's like. when we've been commiserating about work stuff I'm often asking 'are you almost free?'). she literally went out of her way to talk to the letting agents before talking to us about putting us in a situation where we could lose our fucking home.

And she keeps. trying. to pretend nothing's happened. Every time I've seen her since then she's not mentioned anything or apologised or anything, she just keeps chatting away and offering hugs and fistbumps like nothing's happened. Like we're still fucking friends.

All it would take for us to still be friends and to be happy for her would have been one fucking sentence in the groupchat like "hey, just put an offer in on a house" or "I'm looking at properties, just so you know, that might happen in the next few months". Like nobody begrudges her for buying a house! It's very cool for her! She's 31 she's worked really hard to get the money I would love to be happy for her! Unfortunately she decided avoiding conflict is more important than giving the people she fucking LIVES WITH (who btw fronted her a month on the rent here while she was unemployed and agreed to take on a larger proportion of the move-in cost back in 2021, if we're still holding ourselves to shit we said 2.5 years ago), so no, you are not entitled to our friendship or to going back to normal.

like if she'd been honest with us it would have been something to process but we'd have had time to figure out our next steps. instead she's left us in a position where we have to find a new roommate before she gives her one month notice, which means finding someone by the end of December, which oh look that's the middle of the fucking Christmas holidays. and she didn't tell us anything until the START of December, or copy us into her conversation with the letting agent, meaning we still don't know what the rent on that space will be so we aren't yet in a position to advertise it. Has she offered to help find a roommate? Has she fuck. Has she offered to help out by moving her move-out date? Nah, she's moving as soon as she gets the keys because, quote, "that means her finances won't have to change". SOUNDS LOVELY. NOT HAVING YOUR FINANCES SUDDENLY CHANGE. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY REASONABLE FUCKING GOAL.

Thirteen fucking years she's lived with Sam. Four fucking weeks over Christmas she's left us to figure out a way to not turbofuck our living situation. And she's got the fucking nerve to try and pretend we should be interacting like nothing's changed. Jesus Christ. What a fucking unhinged way to treat...anybody, honestly. never mind the friends-your-entire-adult-life part. literally cannot imagine a scenario in which I would buy a house without telling the people I lived with.

(haha actually this is what my parents divorced over so apparently it's not unusual. although at least my dad had the decency to tell the woman he shared finances with at the point he put in an offer not the point the fucking sale went through.)

Like we'll be fine. It's a huge city centre flat with decent rent and queer housemates, hopefully even when the rent goes up it'll be an easy sell in a city with a huge housing shortage and big queer community. We've got a couple of people interested already, sight unseen - worst case scenario we have to live with someone we don't get on with. And it's given Sam and me a push to look at our own finances and as of today, we've got a mortgage decision in principle and can start looking at flats in the area - mind, we'll be transparent upfront and tell any prospective housemates that yeah, we're looking to buy and move out in the next 6-12 months, and we'll tell them if we put an offer in, because we're decent fucking people who aren't going to spring that on someone out of the blue.

But it's been I think 2 weeks and I'm so fucking angry I could spit. It's such a fucking betrayal. And frankly you know selfishly like. I just had a breakup a couple of months ago, I'm in the middle of moving jobs, both me and Sam have a history of housing instability and this has been the first decent, stable, safe, not-mouldy not-freezing home I think any of us have had, and this is so fucking triggering and upscuttling I could just start biting. like I was talking to my friend about it last week and it's just like. Can I have One Fucking Thing of the three main tentpoles of survival - home, work, relationships - that are fucking stable right now? because shit has been In Flux lately. and at least the work and relationship stuff has changed because of my decisions. going through all that work to make myself short-term unstable to gain long-term stability has been really hard and draining and then just as I was reaching the crisis point with work stuff BOOM, IT'S HOUSING INSTABILITY WITH A STEEL CHAIR. fuck. seriously fuck this and fuck her. we're going to make something good come of it but what a deeply, unbelievably shitty thing to do.

[charlotte-zophie]

Therapy conversation

Dear Fandom, dear Mr. Gaiman,

I hope this isn´t weird but i have something to confess.

Since I watched the second season of Good Omens, I've gone through so many phases that I barely recognize myself anymore.

My first reaction after episode 6 was shock, then I was disturbed because I didn't know that it was possible for a series to have such a strong influence on my psyche, I questioned myself and doubted my sanity. Then I was overcome by an incredible sadness and was really heartbroken. I felt like a pubescent teenager, in my mid-30s. I couldn't sleep properly for several days, had nightmares and my thoughts were with these two ineffable loving idiots the whole time.

And the worst thing about it was that for the first few days I was really ashamed to admit to myself and my husband that I was completely and hopelessly immersed in this world. I did nothing but watch videos, listen to sad songs, and read heartbreaking fanfictions for days. And of course I read the book again and watched the series over and over again. All in the hope that it will ease my heartache a little.

But as is often the case in these situations, after a few days in which no real change occurs, you have the thought that you will be lost in this feeling forever. But since I have 3 children that I need to look after, of course locking myself away for weeks with heartbreak wasn't an option, so I had to find an outlet for myself to channel my pain.

So I started painting a picture. By Aziraphale and Crowley. And stroke by stroke I let my feelings flow out of me and into the picture.

It took over a week until I had a motif in which I could see my thoughts and feelings expressed and then it took another week until I finished the picture. On an old canvas with paints that haven't been used for a long time, with many, many layers of old paint underneath.

But when the picture was finally finished, it really took a load off my mind. It was like I had broken a dam and was finally able to let it all out and convert it into creative energy.

But I think the most important thing was that I uploaded the picture to Tumblr and received such a response that I was incredibly touched and immediately motivated to paint more pictures.

Since that day, hardly a moment goes by when I am not holding a pen in my hand or not thinking about a new picture. I'm in one of the most creative phases in a very long time and I'm really enjoying it.

I am so grateful for the wonderful people here! Here I see that I'm not alone with my strange feelings that I still don't really know how to classify. Here I read thoughts that are so similar to mine, here I see works of art that melt my heart, here I feel understood!

And I am so grateful for the pain that showed me the way back to my creative energy!

Thank you Fandom!

Thank you Neil Gaiman!

I would have been lost without you!

Because I don't know my way around here very well, I didn't think about pinning the picture in question as a link when I created this post, but since many people have asked about it, I've pinned it here. Thank you all, love love love

[pedrithink]

delicate ✩ jude bellingham

about: the massive hate you are getting on internet and the way jude stood by you, supporting you.

couple: jude bellingham x reader! singer

request: hey babyyyy! what do u think about a jude x reader (maybe olivia rodrigo fc) ?? xxx love u

face claim: olivia rodrigo

NOW: Jude’s Bellingham talks ‘Real Madrid’, His first World Cup’s impressions & His favorite Y/N’s songs.

comments ⬇️

user1 he’s so perfect 🥹 yn and him seemed like soulmates

user2 I REMEMBERED WHEN YN POINTED AT JUDE DURING GORGEOUS AND HE TOOK A PHOTO AND SHE WAS ALL GIGGLY

user3 yn once said “you’re so gorgeous, it actually hurts” and “they say home is where the heart is, but that's not where mine lives. you know I love a london boy.”

user4 @user3 im yn

user5 imagine being jude bellingham and having yn write her best love songs and best title tracks about you a DREAM

judebellingham has added to their story

ynusername

Liked by judebellingham, selenagomez, and 5.682.972 others

ynusername vampire song and video out now 🧛🏼. writing this song helped me sort through lots of feelings of regret, anger, and heartache. it's one of my favorite songs on the album and it felt very cathartic to finish. im so happy it's in your hands now and I hope it helps u deal with any bloodsuckers in your lite. all my thanks 4ever 🫶🏻

View all 21.567 comments

judebellingham proud of you, vampie 🧛🏼🩸🥹🫶🏻

ynusername @judebellingham love u babs

user1 vampire is one of the best songs ever

user2 another song about another ex 🥱🙄

user3 @user2 literally let people write out their feelings or WHATEVER they want. obviously yall can only attack women for this tho...

user4 people calling yn boring or overrated for writing songs about her ex does not sit right w me …. like let her write about whatever she wants?? she’s 20??? all singers have songs about their ex’s???? stfu

user5 @user4 SPEAK. ON. IT

user6 "yn makes too much songs ab her ex" "all she write is break up songs, she’s so obsessed"

ok then stop listening to her songs 🤷🏻‍♀️

user7 whaaaaat 😭 why are there so many people mad that yn wrote some songs about her ex. meanwhile, there are men who only write songs about fucking hoes and using drugs and yet they still get praised for it 🥱

judebellingham

Liked by ynusername, masonmount, and 7.899.082 others

judebellingham date night with vampie to celebrate all of her achievements, proud of u ❤️‍🩹

View all 34.872 comments

ynusername 🧛🏻‍♀️🩸❤️‍🩹🧛🏼

user8 JUDE CALLING YN VAMPIE >>>>

user9 i hope i find someone who supports me the way jude supports yn

user10 ill always be soft for these two. its amazing how jude supports yn in any way he can and yn never forgets to save jude a seat. fucking POWER COUPLE!!!

user11 @user10 i just love them

user12 lets talk about the fact that at the 2020 grammys she didn’t feel like there was someone to celebrate with and now she has one and he helps her and supports her and take her on dates when she achieves more and more in her singing career 🥹

user13 yn and jude be like: happiest relationship of my life, so let’s go cheer for my breakup songs together 💕💞💓💗💖💘

ynusername

Liked by judebellingham, arianagrande, and 10.927.526 others

ynusername delicate is out now 🫧 surprise song for y’all, hope u like it 🫶🏻

View all 101.872 comments

user14 delicate video really speaks to me. yn let go of the world's expectations of how she should act, smile and behave. once she did that, she was able to find who she was looking for. i’m shaking and crying, so so proud of our baby!!!!

user15 @user14 it’s already my favorite music video of her!!!! i love the lyrics 2

user16 these pics were taking by jude i’m CRYING and the lyrics… I JUST LOVE HIM EVEN MORE

user17 @user16 yeah 🥹 i’m so happy that she found someone that makes her feel like that

user18 delicate is one of the most beautiful songs yn has ever written, it’s so GENUINE.

[chibigaia-art]

Do you have any favorite webcomics?

oh boy, do I

ok, addressing the elephant in the room immediately: homestuck. just read it. don't read anything after the main webcomic ends, don't get into the epilogues, or the sequel, but hs? fun, still love it dearly.

now for the others!!!!

Paranatural - middle schoolers with supernatural powers fight supernatural entities, it's one of the funniest thing I ever read that also managed to punch me in the gut and make me want to draw even more

Sleepless Domain - magical girls protect the city at night from monsters. Everything is fine until things happen :)

Heartstrings (18+) pop star/punk lesbians :]

webtoons:

Public U. Art Club - it's an art club. liloth my beloved

Cursed Princess Club - story about self love and acceptance, I just really really love this comic and I am still so happy I followed it while it was updating. It's finished so it's a good binge read!

Love Advice from the Great Duke of Hell - this one is also finished, idk how to pitch it, just read it, it's so fucking funny, also read Vampire Family from the same author

also on tapas:

Fantasy x Grounds (I'd say 18+ for this one too) - the summary on the page just says "A funny fantasy comic with nameless characters". This is true but it's also a lie, it's also a fantasy comic full of heartaches and characters that feel like real people This one is from an italian author and I've been following it for years, I'm so in love with the story, the characters and their arcs it makes me unwell. There is an english translation and that version has updated art on old pages, some fixes for colors and redrawn sequences that are very very cool - the translation itself is also kinda rough at first but it gets better. I will also say, the earlier parts of the comic didn't age super well BUT. IT'S SUCH A GOOD COMIC. YOU HAVE TO SEE WHAT FUCKERY HAPPENS LATER, YOU HAVE TO SEE THE INSANE THINGS THEY FIGHT. YOU HAVE TO READ THE [MOONANGEL KING] ARC BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE MY FAVOURITE GUY STARTS BREAKING FOR REAL

edit also if you read any of these pls let me know what you think

[emerald-taur]

More Than a Friend

~Summary:

You're in love with your friend, and she makes you crazy with her behavior .

~Parings: wanda × reader

~Warnings: drinking 🍸

~Word count: 2.3K

~A/n: This was inspired by a song 🎵✨️

DO NOT COPY ANY MY WORK | MINORS DIN 18+ ONLY Disclamer: Englisch is not my first language. Fell free to comment and like

You caught sight of her among all these people ,standing near the bar, talking to someone.

She wears a red dress, it's laying gracefully around her form, reminiscent is the vibrant color of deep crimson red. It's adorned with delicate gold accessories, and each piece glistens softly against her honeyed skin.

As she turned your way, a smile graced her lips, a sight that always meqns so much to you. You couldn't help but remember the times when her expression was clouded with tears instead with her heartwarming smile, following the loss of her twin.

You stood by her side through every tear and heartache. However, as time passed, you weren't as close anymore.

No midnight talks, no movie night, no girls' nights anymore.

Maybe it's for the better. Now, you can at least overcome this stupid feeling you get every time you look into her eyes.

Feeling a tap on your shoulder, you shifted your gaze away, turning to face the person standing behind you.

It was Natasha, as stunning as ever in her impeccably tailored dark blue pantsuit. She handed you a drink with a gentle smile, the glass filled with a red cherry swimming in perfectly clear vodka.

This drink was exactly what you needed in this moment, still felt the lingering presence of those emerald green eyes. As the comforting warmth of the liquid coursed through you, you finally could shake the memory of this green.

"Feeling better ?"

"Yeah , thanks, Tascha. Please tell me, will it ever go away ?"

"You ask the wrong person , you the only one who I let come this close , still don't know how that happened. "

" I'm just that charming am I."

"Funny but no, not really, you're just you."

"Mh"

"Just so you know, she's on her way to you."

"W-WHAT."

She already left, that b-tch.

Not even a few seconds later, you knew tascha was right. The tap on your arm confirmed it.

Looking down at your , now emty glass, you took a gulp, then turned to Wanda with a slightly awkward smile.

"Hey wands, y-you doing ok ?"

"Yeah, everything is okay. Are you this is your fourth drink tonight."

"Yeah, yeah, no worries, I'm fine, and tascha looks out for me, so no troubles."

"Oh, ok"

Now, both of you stood there awkwardly, your gazes locked, unsure of what to say or do next.

Then, she excused herself and hurriedly left to catch up with Vision, you assume . Their bond had been strong since the day he came. You think it's because of the Mind Stone, but it also was the day she began to distance herself.

Turning back to the bar, you signaled for another drink, hoping to make a stop to the swirling thoughts in your mind.

The rest of the night blurred , you just awoke the next morning in a friend's bed but not the one you wished you would have. She, too, possessed green eyes, but they were not the ones that haunted you.

Before Natasha awoke, you quietly slipped away to your own room.

Breakfast was an awkward affair; all eyes seemed to turn toward you as you walked in. Even Tony couldn't resist his playful jab, sending his regards for a "very fun night".

You want the floor to swallow you and never let you return.

What you didn't expect was Wanda settling beside you, her smile melting my heart and igniting a warmth within you.

Now, smiling foolishly idiot at your plate, you couldn't help but wonder what had happened yesterday night.

"Y/n we're both of duty want to watch a movie, I know there is some new movie that just came out you would like."

"Ah-h real-ly, I mean yeah, sure."

"Good I will come to your room after training."

You nodded with a big smile that reached your dark blue eyes.

Continuing to avoid Natasha, you took charge of planning the evening, gathering snacks and drinks, securing Tony's Beamer, and grabbing a few extra pillows for added comfort for both of you.

Natasha was puzzled, wondering why you had left before her. Knowing you weren't a morning person, it was unusual for you to be up before her, and she couldn't help but notice your attempts to avoid her.

Knowing Natasha's direct nature, she wasted no time and headed straight to your room,wanting an explanation, coincidentally crossing paths with Wanda along the way.

You opened the door with a smile that quickly faded when you saw Natasha standing there, her expression confused and determined.

"Sorry, wanda, I will steal her for a few minutes."

She nodded, looking at both concerned.

Natasha walked inside. She closed the door behind her and took a seat on your bed, her presence filling the room with an air of tension.

"What your problem ?"

"Mh no, no problem."

"Bullsh-t. I won't ask again."

With Wanda standing just outside, your nerves were on edge, uncertain if she was listening in on your conversation.

But with Natasha determined to talk things out, you knew she wouldn't leave until you had a conversation. So, despite your nerves, you began to talk.

"Look last night , what we did I-I was-/."

"Wait, what do you think we did ?"

"You know ."

"Yeah, no, we didn't, but this let's me know you don't remember anything, do you ?"

"Uh, you don't know how happy it makes me , I mean your coll and all, but .."

"I know you're madly in love with the one waiting outside your door."

"Sssh."

She laughed: "No, you don't remember."

"Remeber what ?"

"What you did."

"Why, what did I do ?"

"Talk to wanda."

With that, Natasha left, allowing Wanda to enter your room.

You were afraid to ask her, so you simply started the movie, hoping to distract yourself from the unresolved mystery.

That's when you began to grow close again, rekindling your movie nights and midnight talks and more. Despite the lingering tension, it felt like old times were finally returning.

Like today, she came over, and you talked about what had been happening with the others. Although you still didn't know what had transpired at that party you think you don't need ro know.

She shared her excitement about the new coffee shop she visited with Natasha, expressing her love for the cozy atmosphere and delicious drinks.

Seeing her talk so passionately once more made you yearn to hear her voice all the time. The way she becomrd excited over the smallest things reminded you to appreciate the little joys in your life.

She paused mid-sentence, her gaze shifting to me with a smile playing on her lips.

"What ?" You asked her.

"Nothing, I just like how you look at me like that. "

Your cheeks flushed with warmth, a definite hint of red coloring them in response to her.

Then she laughed sweetly and reached for your book from the bedside table, her laughter filling the room with a sense of lightness and warmth.

That night, you tossed and turned, unable to sleep, the memory of that moment and her words replaying incessantly in your mind. Making you smile the whole night.

Tony barged in in the morning, disrupting the peace and quiet, as he rallied everyone to go to his ridiculous party.

Despite any reluctance, it seemed obligatory for all of you to participate. After all, it was his birthday, and Tony wouldn't let you forget it, making sure the day was one to remember for "centuries."

"Y/n, I will trop by to get ready with you, alright."

"Yeah, no problem, wands.

That's how you found yourselves getting ready together right now. You were lying on the bed while Wanda worked her magic, giving your makeup a makeover.

What was decently needed, her world not yours.

She was so focused on your makeup that you couldn't help but watch her, taking in every detail of her concentration and skill.

You noticed her mouth; she had a habit of biting her lips when she was concentrated, a subtle gesture that added to your sinking heart.

Just as if she could sense the moment Natasha barged in, questioning why it was taking so long. Wanda and you quickly pulled apart, distancing yourselves faster than you could even process the situation.

Natasha led both of you to the party, discussing her time to relax after her hard work. However, your attention was elsewhere as you found myself watching Wanda instead of listening to her.

And as usual at all parties, you drank, perhaps a little more than usual. Oh, the last party was far more than usual , so just you now.

As the night progressed, you couldn't help but wonder if Wanda felt the same way you did.

Your hands wrapped around her body as you danced together, her gaze meeting yours with a hint of something more, and she was bitting her lip in a way that sent shivers down your spine.

You decently want to be more then friends.

After that party, confusion consumed you. The mixed signals from Wanda left you questioning everything.

So fucking confusing the way that she texts you ,keeps saying I love you. Does she really mean it ?

Especially when she bites her lips and looks at you like that.

Then, one night, on the team's get-together, you had only one drink, but that was enoth .

She came over , called it a girls' night, she took her clothes, you knew she was your type.

So you keep in this in touch because you want to touch each other.

Those nights were the worst and simultaneously the best you can have. Beacuse you had her, but it felt like you didn't. So, you truly have didnt had her at all.

This girls has you all messed up.

Natasha was the first to notice the change in your relationship. Wanda's shift in attention toward you instead of Vision didn't go unnoticed, and you weren't as sad as before, but also nit as happy as you should have been.

Lastly, she saw the two of you together in the middle of the night, a sight that confirmed her suspicions about the changing dynamics between Wanda and you.

As she noticed your lack of genuine happiness, she sat you down to talk, wanting to understand what was wrong now that you were finally with Wanda. But learning that Wanda and you weren't in a relationship and were just having fun took her by surprise ,cause she knew that both of us loved each other, which made the situation even more perplexing for her.

"Why don't you tell her ?"

"I can't, Tascha."

"Why not ? You two are basically made for each. "

"I remember Tascha."

"What ?"

"The night at the party."

"But that good then you should know ? I mean, you two were so into each other, and wanda was .."-/-?

"I tolled her I liked her."

"Wait you did ?"

"She said you're the best...."

"Oh"

"Yeah, oh , so I want to destroy what I have now."

Natasha didn't understand. Wanda had mentioned she was considering telling you, so why did she respond this way to your confessing?

She remembered overhearing Wanda and Vision talk about you. It waz Wanda wondering if you wanted to be more than just friends.

"Vision, I want to more than a friend .Do you think she feels the same ? Does she want me back ?" Wanda was wondering.

With Natasha's confusion, she concluded that the reason only could be miscommunication. So what could she do to help you ?

......

Sometimes, the stupidest ideas are the most effective. So yeah It sounds like a plan.

The next morning, both of you found a letter at the doorstep instructing you to meet Natasha in the training room.

Both of you went, uncertain of what Natasha wants and feeling nervous and unsure of each other's intentions (wanda and yours).

What they didn't know was that Natasha was waiting behind the door, instructing Friday to close it the moment both of us entered. She was determined to let you two have a private conversation and would fight anyone who thought now would be the perfect time to train.

Now, there you were, alone in a room with no escape, the awkwardness hanging heavily between you two.

And in that moment, amidst the palpable tension and uncertainty, you knew that whatever happened next would change everything.

Sitting on the bank, five meters apart, a comfortable and not so complex silence enveloped you. You started fidgeting with your fingers, and Wanda absentmindedly twirled her necklace.

"Y/n do you remember now ? Is that why Natacha locked us up."

"Yeah, look, I'm sorry we don't have to talk about it. o know we're we're just having fun, nothing new ."

"If you want it just to be fun, thats ok"

"If you want to."

Then, she turned to you and asked if you would be upset if she didn't want our relationship to be just fun anymore.

At first, you misunderstood, thinking she meant she didn't want to be with you in any sense anymore. But ypu soon realized you were strongly mistaken.

Wanda closed the distance between you two. Your lips met in a kiss filled with all the pent-up emotions, expressing all the longing, confusion, and love that had been building between you two. And in that moment, everything else faded away.

With your hearts racing and your breaths synced, you pulled back slightly, gazing into each other's eyes. "I've been wanting to tell you for so long," Wanda whispered, her voice barely above a whisper. "I love you, more than words can express."

tears welled up in your eyes as you reached out to cup her cheek. "I love you too, Wanda," you confessed, your voice filled with emotion. "I've never felt this way about anyone before."

With both of your heartfelt confessions, the fog of confusion that had clouded your relationship finally lifted, and everything became clear.

You were sure a bright future awaited you, and Wanda will be by my side, ready to face whatever challenges came your way.

In the end, it was clear that both of you wanted more than friends.

[codename-adler]

Oohhh a French speaking AFTG fan!

Can I ask what’s the general opinion on the Marseille accent? What do Canadians think of it? Is it fancy? Or rough?

ouhh what a question anon! i'm tagging @givemethedamnflowers so she can help me out too if u want to <3

also i don't speak for all Franco Canadians / Québécois. fiy. ya know.

as a Québécoise first and foremost (Canadian comes 2nd in how i view my identity), and as someone WHO HAS A MOREAU FROM MARSEILLES in my close family, i love the accent. to me it's somehow much less grating than the Parisian accent (not the international French accent, that one's ok) despite being much more pronounced and how do you say... quirky? not weird, but like it's definitely peculiar. special! i like it a lot. it also makes me love Jean Moreau even more because it adds character, an edge, another area of fondness. i personally think it's very easy to spot, but contrary to the north of France, it's easier to understand.

i would say the most northern accents are much rougher, more difficult to understand than Marseilles or Paris, also because of the disparity in colloquialisms and regional expressions. but i do love them so. Bourgogne?? Normandie?? oh how lovely. and then down down down down south, neighbor to Marseilles, l'Occitanie (a fave)!!! oh and la Corse!!! so so beautiful to me. music to my ears. maybe bc, as Québécoise, like i said, i feel a little kinship with those regions' accents, bc the Paris/Île-de-France spit upon our accents as shitty, ridiculous, "not real French" or generally make fun of us, like we're somehow less smart bc of the way we pronounce things and speak with our accent. in my experience! and trust me, i've had a lottttttt of 'em. so the little scene where Jean keeps being annoyed by Thea calling him 'Paris' when he's from Marseilles? ACCURATE & GOLDEN! made me smile.

that being said, as it has been discussed many many times in the fandom, characters like Neil, Kevin and Jean, and even Andrew and Nicky, have such wild backgrounds, with how much they move around geographically + their mixed heritage, that all of them must have unique accents you can't really pin down. Jean left Marseilles at 14, was homeschooled, then forced to learn Japanese then English, in West Virginia, from native Japanese speakers. he doesn't have the Marseilles slang, the refs; his French is stuck at that level and it can't progress, and he also probably loses a lot of it, breaking down over time. finding his words must be a a nightmare. imagine trying to translate a word that isn't even considered French nor translatable outside of Marseilles' region!!! also, how old were his parents? what generation of slang has he picked up by default? or was he, sadly, taught international French?

SO MANY QUESTIONS! UGH! aftg & languages, French specifically, give me a headache (and heartache) every time.

i would say, watch films and series! please! from every part of the Francophonie around the world! Belgium, Louisiana Cajun, Acadia, Québec, Marseilles, Niger... it's a beautiful language, despite his devastating shameful hand in colonization and racism. the way the people forced to learn and speak it to survive have all found ways to make it theirs in infinite ways that help the language evolve and become richer. French is as much theirs now, if not more. French is much more that than the Republic. French is not Paris.

thank you again anon for allowing me to go off on a tangent, and apologies if there are any mistakes, misinformation or harmful things. please let me know kindly and i'll own to it and correct anything that needs correcting!

[yuri-is-online]

Ruggie 🤝 yuu 🤝 jamil

Being tired of everyone's shit.

They can be polyarmory or something. Of you're so tired you're ready to just fall over? Idk bitch have a cuddle and a quick nap. The two others can watch your respective spoiled little shit for you. They can all feed eat each other their cooking while screaming about their uncertain futures. Making plans to try and stay together while all silently acknowledging that it may all be for naught. But hey, if it does all go to shit, at least they had these moments of peace and freedom while they lasted. (They all breathe a huge sigh of relief when, years later, they're standing at an altar with matching rings and trying not to cry).

On another note. Adueceyuu is one of my favorite ships unironically. Classic friends to lovers trope with a big ol' slice of possible angst. Just going through the whole "What are we" anxiety stage and them not wanting to put a label of it because, "what if yuu leaves?" "What if we all drift during internships?" "What if we all hate each other next year?" "What if our entire dynamic changes as soon as we acknowledge this thing we're doing for what it is?" And they're trying to save themselves the heartache.

And then it all just boils over at a party when they start making out in the heat of the moment or something stupid like that. Have fun dealing with the consequences of those actions ace! Cause duece is ready to commit and do the honorable thing and yuu already rearranging their entire lifes future in their head to stay with their stupid stupid boys.

Grim looks on in utter disgust

>Grim looks on in utter disgust I live for this dynamic with him because it literally only applies to Ace and Deuce. He is ok with everyone else, just not those two. He knows what you are. (idiots)

I'm not the biggest fan of poly ships if I am being honest, I'm strictly monogamous so writing for poly stuff well/at all is hard for me. But for some reason literally none of that applies to Adueceyuu, I unironically love them all together. I think Deuce is the first to realize his feelings for Yuu, but he struggles with his feelings for Ace. He knows they're there of course, but he also has this image of Ace in his head as his rival he isn't fully willing to give up. Ace makes such a big deal of how lame romance is Deuce isn't willing to deal with the humiliation of being rejected and made fun of. Ace on the other hand... he knows what he's feeling but he is going to deny it for as long as he can for all of the exact reasons you listed. He loves so deeply and is so protective of both of them, but he cannot say it out loud because then that makes it real. So all three of them do this awkward dance that's just painful for the other members of their friend group to watch because they know that the card trick trio aren't together together, but try telling that to the rest of the school. You can't.

Que a fourth year graduation party where Ace opens his stupid bratty mouth and suddenly he's getting tagged teamed with open mouth kisses by both Deuce and Yuu, and wakes up the next morning with Yuu squished firmly between him and Deucey. Good luck getting out of this one Ace.

He totally pretends he was the one who asked them both out and made it official but all you have to do is glance at the look his partners faces to know that's not the truth.

I like the situation you wrote for Jamil and Ruggie, they clearly have mutual respect for each other in GloMas and both are deeply sympathetic to Yuu's situation. I could see them planning together for the future behind Yuu's back and discussing if they should encourage Yuu to stay, unfamiliar with the feelings of guilt the idea brings. It would be such a relief for them when things work out for them without any underhanded tactics.

[lilycolbertsstuff]

I just finished the Addicted/Calloway sisters series and I’m positively weeping.

While reading these books I really felt like I was going through a journey with all those characters and I couldn’t be more grateful for that because they taught me so much.

I will truly never forget the way they made me feel and how I learned to accept, love and care for the core six as if they were my friends. I’ve never experienced characters feeling so raw and real and that’s what makes these novels special. What they went through in terms of personal growth and emotional turmoil feels like something that any of us could live through in our lifetimes.

These are the kind of books that remind me why I love reading. We bottle up so much of our feelings to appease society’s standards that sometimes it feels like we’re becoming robots, so it’s nice to have a reminder that it’s ok to feel all sorts of emotions whenever and wherever we feel them and if someone tells us otherwise we bring out our inner Rose Calloway Cobalt.

Ultimately the most important value that these books want to transmit to the readers is that we should never be afraid to love and be loved because without this blazing force that drives human beings we would just be hollow shells.

Round of thanks:

- Lily, thank you for showing me that anything is possible if we learn to accept the help of the people around us. Thank you for showing me that being shy is not a weakness. It’s ok to struggle, it’s ok to take it slow and it’s ok to fall down on our path to happiness but in the end we will make it and we will be deserving of it. There’s no right definition of strength and I’ll make sure to remind myself of that.

- Lo, thank you for showing me that the people who struggle in their early years are not doomed to a future of failure and despair. I struggle with my insecurities just like Lo did, feeling inferior, stupid, worthless but watching him evolve and become the amazing person he is moves me to strive and work on myself to become someone I will be able to say I am proud of in the future.

- Rose, thank you for reinforcing in me the fact that love is the most powerful force in the world. You are a blazing fire that is not afraid to drop everything and put herself on the line for the people she loves, I aspire to be as courageous as she is one day. She is a feminist and is never afraid to put out her ideas into the world and confront with her head held high all the men who would even try to doubt her. She loves fiercely and without any restraints and I think that’s what we should all live our lives like. I think the greatest lesson she has taught me is that you should always be true to yourself and never try to change your personality just so you might be appreciated more by others, for the people who cherish you accept you for who you are to your core with all your vices and virtues.

- Connor, I’ve loved your character ever since your first appearance, thank you for taking us along your journey of learning to accept love into your life. I know it’s hard, especially if you’ve never felt something as strong as that but in the end, even though there might be heartache along the way, it is all worth it. His open mindedness helped me get more comfortable in my sexuality and I will never be more thankful to him for that.

- Daisy, I want to thank you because watching you go on your journey of finding your own voice and learning to speak your mind without being afraid of other people’s judgement. We can’t always pretend to be ok with what other people tell us to do and that’s completely fine because in the end expressing what we think and want in a respectful way will help define our own path.

- Ryke, I wish I were as selfless as you are. Your compassion and will to do good and help the people in need are qualities that not many people have. I think of Ryke as a lighthouse, always there to show the right way to the people who may have lost their own light. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Having said so, I will for sure revisit these books in the future because these characters feel like family now and to me family comes first.

Until next time 🪷🌹🌼

Ps. Poppy Calloway I wish we could’ve seen more of you.

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘚𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 ║ ⓞⓝⓔ๏ⓞⓕⓕⓢ

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This Side of Forever

| PAIRING(s): Marcus Pike x fem!OC Bodie Edunn

| RATING: explicit material | 18+ | WORD COUNT:  6.6k | CONTENT: angsty!Marcus throughout, pining?, Bodie talks a lil whimsical but that’s bc she’s based on a Goddess ok?, half of this is me self-therapizing, lots of allusions to magic and fruit, following your dreams, is somebody gonna match my freak? vibes, accepting fate, overly sentimental bc it’s Marcus duh

| SYNOPSIS: After back to back failed relationships, Marcus tries to find meaning and distraction in his work. When he's presented with an offer that appears to be a nudge in a whole new direction, he isn't sure he can make the leap of faith.

The consultation offer had come through at just the right time. Marcus had been burnt out with his work despite the change in scenery and job title. As it turned out, being head of the International Art Theft Task Force in D.C. wasn’t a whole lot more gratifying than being Special Agent Marcus Pike with the Austin Art Squad Unit. It was a bitter pill to swallow, the rhapsodic thrill of getting a second chance at love and life in Texas turning to nothing more than ash and heartache come Virginia. 

It was torment being back in Austin for an assignment and learning that he’d ultimately been nothing more than a bridge for his would-be fiancé and her now other half to finally realize what they felt for one another. It was hard to believe this was the same woman who had told him that night at dinner she, too, felt the same things for him. That she couldn’t deny their chemistry and connection. He loved that she was independent and really thought about his offer to move to D.C. with him before she’d accepted.

And then he’d gone and followed his heart again with the proposal. The words felt like poison clinging to his lips almost the moment he uttered them, her expression one of stunned anxiety making his stomach turn.  Then it all seemed okay again when she said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, too. Looking back it was easier to see that she didn’t feel as strongly for him as he did for her, but in the moment he’d thought that maybe it was just a lot for her to take in. He had a tendency to be too much for the people he cared about.

He spent a lot of time in the aftermath of the breakup lamenting over every word and action, playing them over and over again in his head to try to figure out where he’d gone wrong, but he couldn’t bring himself to fully regret honoring his emotions in the moment. He’d been forthright and honest from the start with her because it felt real. It was real. Until it all fell apart.

So, he finished his assignment and returned home to D.C. with nothing but an empty, cold apartment waiting for him. The thought of just leaving all this behind and starting over from scratch was becoming more and more appealing. The ghosts of the past followed him everywhere, and it was beginning to feel like he’d always be chasing some phantom of a dream that resembled happiness. His voluntary sabbatical might not have been the best idea with all this inner turmoil brewing, but he had to take a step back and at least attempt to get himself together. The third night in a row of packaged ramen noodles for dinner, ass firmly parked on the couch with reruns of Antiques Roadshow playing back to back, her email had come through.

He read it twice to make sure it hadn’t been sent in error. As the sole owner of the wildly successful spa and wellness center Eternity Hill Orchard, Bodie Edunn was looking for a consultant regarding the yet to be established Art Director position and coinciding Art Program for her resort. A former colleague and shared mutual had passed his name along to her with a soft endorsement for the job. The referral name checked out and everything seemed legitimate, but Marcus had been burned too many times to believe his luck could be this good.

A phone call with her the next day had that thought going right out the window. He could hear the smile in her voice and how genuinely excited she was that he received the offer and reached out. Before he knew it, agreements were outlined and plans were made. The last few weeks of his sabbatical were going to be spent back and forth between the few hours of travel from D.C. to the mountains of Virginia where Eternity Hill Orchard was located.

The payday was already enough of an incentive, but the picturesque scenery as the vehicle climbed switchback roads wasn’t too bad, either. The ascent felt like he was heading to some other world entirely, and perhaps given the constant grind of life in D.C., this was a completely different life up here in the mountains. His first step onto the grounds already felt energizing, the inhale of fresh air crisp in his lungs. 

He could just make out a distant figure atop a rather grand set of steps leading up to a striking manor structure. It was somehow modern and antique all at once, as if it had been built here so long ago that it simply transcended the concept of time. Lush greenery at every opening and slope gave an impression of liveliness and growth. Small, warm white bulbs danced in the darker recesses of the flora, and Marcus could imagine the balmy, intimate glow it would emit come nighttime. 

Despite the impressive scene, he found himself eagerly skimming back to the figure coming into focus as they climbed down the stairs towards him. The pictures and videos he’d seen of her on the website did no justice to the firsthand encounter. He’d thought it was high quality editing – something to sell the whole wellness image the business touted - but seeing her here in person made it clear there was no alteration involved.

It was hard to pinpoint an age, but she looked like she’d sipped on every enchanted youth tonic from every fairytale ever told. A “glow from within” hue to her skin. Soft, supple curvature of pink appled cheeks. Piercing but kind green eyes. A sharp mouth with a delicate cupid’s bow, all balancing the mesmerizing smile underneath.

How old was she? How could someone establish and develop this level of business acumen all before the age of 50? Was she just the face of the business while some gnarled, hunched octogenarian hid away in the shadows and counted his payday? Was she some sort of trust fund baby? Was this all just an elaborate babysitting project to keep her out of the trouble that wealthy, bored children often found themselves in?

“Marcus, I’m so glad you made it,” Bodie softly greets him as she makes it to the bottom of the stairs. She envelops him before he has time to insist on a handshake, pulling back after a moment and rubbing each of his biceps in a welcoming gesture.

He isn’t sure where to put his hands, and he internally cringes at the realization of just how touch starved he is. His mouth feels a little dry, and he can only attribute some of that to the higher altitude. “Wow. Hi. I mean– Yes. You’re– It’s beautiful,” he responds a little breathlessly. “Glad to be here.”

The mischievous twinkle in her eyes blooms into the grin curving her mouth. “I’m partial, of course, but I really think there’s nowhere else as special as here. I hope you’ll come to find the same thing.”

The closer she was to him, the thinner the air felt. The sun cast a hazy blur of light around her long flax tresses, forming a little halo of brightness that made her seem all the more ethereal and divine. Bodie had several science degrees according to the website, although it didn’t say from where or when. Maybe this place was the real deal after all. Usually these retreat spaces offered little more than a whopping dose of placebo laden manipulations meant to drain desperate people’s wallets. He tried not to be so jaded about it all, very much aware of the more bitter version of himself he’d been morphing into for the past several months.

Obliging staff appeared from nowhere and whisked his things away. He really didn’t care where his things were going or where he was being led as he walked along quietly while Bodie conducted a guided tour of the grounds and the buildings. She carried herself so effortlessly and spoke so confidently. None of it sounded rehearsed, either, as they both meandered through the picturesque backdrop of the plot. She shared all the history of the resort and the scientific approach to wellness that incorporated the native resources as much as possible.

Everything he sees is nothing short of magnificent. He can envision sitting out here and painting a quick oil landscape while Bodie sits nearby and chats. He can hear her unwavering knowledge and commentary in his mind’s eye, but he forces himself to focus on the present. The sprawling backdrop of mountains and trees and orchards frame the welcoming facilities and services here. An expansive natural swimming pond lined with large rocks that lead to private cabanas and plush lounge chairs. He wonders if Bodie ever goes swimming. 

An indoor heated pool with adjacent teak sauna. Three stories worth of amenities built right into the mountainside with multiple buildings above that she explains are guest rooms. One building has a long, shared balcony with large potted trees and rooftop gardens. The other building has private balconies with big, round lounge beds and floor to ceiling fireplaces. He wonders which one of them is hers and what she sees when she wakes every morning.

The winding decks that slope into each other feel endless, and yet Marcus could enjoy hours of hearing her talk about anything and everything. It was infectious and calming, almost like walking through an art museum and discovering all the tiny surprise gems amongst the overarching beauty of artistry. Even the staff looked young in the way of someone who has never experienced a day of stress in their life. They don plain uniforms – soft white linen shirts with loose taupe colored pants – with some sporting half aprons or utility belts, depending on their job.

It was one thing for every patron thus far to look relaxed and content, but the workers also appearing well and youthful? How on earth did Bodie manage all of this? She was still talking about some sort of zero gravity massage clinic when the intrusive thoughts got the better of him.

“So how old are you anyway?” he blurts out.

The back of his neck blazes with embarrassment, but he forces himself to maintain eye contact. She smiles at him again in that easy sort of way, and his stomach flips. Whatever secret restorative methods she had up here were certainly doing something to him. Either that or he hadn’t adjusted to the altitude yet.

“I’m thirty one,” she answers graciously.

His jaw parts, all agog and inelegant, while she titters and waves off his unspoken compliment. 

“I apologize for the question. I’m usually not so–” He motions with his hand aimlessly in the air, floundering for a coherent end to his sentence. “Your methods and programs are obviously very effective.”

“I guess you could say between the mountain air and enough apples a day to keep the doctor away for a lifetime…,” she trails off and shrugs with a lopsided smile.

God, he could really get used to seeing that. It made his knees all jittery every time she directed that energy his way. He’s so wrapped up in it that he misses something she said and has to ask her to repeat herself.

“I said: I’m proud of everything we’ve built here, but I’m always looking for what else we can incorporate to enhance the experience,” she says again. “It’s always been a sort of bad habit of mine, always looking for something to take everything to the next level.”

She doesn't even know how much it resonates with him when she says it. If he had to identify a singular fault of his, it would be the hope of the next best thing. He had a well-worn pattern of romanticizing things and letting his thoughts run away, all buoyant and hopeful. A big part of that had been stripped from him after the failed marriage, divorce, and then failed proposal, but maybe that was for the best. Maybe he wouldn’t get hurt so much if he didn’t put himself so far out there.

“I get what you mean,” he commiserates. “It can be hard to feel like you’ve done all you can. That you’ve upturned every stone and made something as good as it can be.”

Bodie eyes him thoughtfully and, after a moment of contemplation, nods. “Yes. Exactly. That’s exactly it.”

“So, am I the ‘taking it to the next level’ in this equation?” he jokes, attempting to steer the conversation back to the consultation at hand and away from things that remind him of past failures.

Her grin is devastating and intoxicating, and Marcus turns a lovely shade of pink at the poor phrasing of his question.

“I-I meant– not me personally. I meant the art director and art program,” he stammers. “You know, me being here to help with that.”

“Something like that,” she replies with a gentle laugh.

It’s not until she’s finished showing him around and walking him to his private suite that his head feels clear. Every syllable that fell from her lips felt like a tugging thread, whipstitching musings and what-could-be’s across the divots in his mind and suturing them together with thoughts of her cinched in between and tucked away tight. The feeling doesn’t let up over the next few days where every interaction with her feels like he’s had the wind knocked out of him. 

This wasn’t the same sort of draw he’d experienced before with his ex-wife and ex- fiancé. This was the opposite pole of the magnet hurtling towards him and grabbing hold. This was some sameness, some kindred nucleus of existence. A funhouse mirror reflecting parts of himself back, a warped delineation. Something metaphysical and mystic putting him exactly where he was meant to be: here in this side of paradise with Bodie coming to drip soothing words of perpetuity into his ear. He belonged here, although he couldn’t exactly explain why or how he knew it to be true.

It took everything in him to focus on the task at hand. He’s better acquainted after a couple of days with the grounds, resort scheduling, and “wellness lifestyle” habits being taught and practiced. He wasn’t expecting the legitimacy in some of the newer programs, like the accredited and licensed therapists onsite who conduct group sessions as well as individualized, immersive sessions for select guests. The idea of an art based therapy program felt like a natural addition, according to Bodie. It was the “next logical step” in what Eternity Hill Orchard could offer, and he couldn’t agree more.

By the time he knew it, he’d extended his stay by three more days, but she didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. In fact, she seemed delighted that he was even able to. For some reason, he divulged his voluntary sabbatical from work and the fact that he was only able to take this job because of it. She’d simply smiled warmly and said it “sounded like fate.”

It should’ve been hokey. It should’ve been an eyeroll the moment she turned away. Instead, he found himself inclined to agree. Throughout his rapid appraisal of the resort, it started feeling less like work and more like a challenge, something stimulating and meaningful. The overwhelming sense of magic in the atmosphere had him questioning himself almost daily. He’d take breaks from his assignment and join Bodie in several of the offerings at the resort, and every time without fail his head felt cloudy and light and elastic. He hadn’t felt this way since his first few months in the FBI when the world was laid at his feet for the taking.

He almost wished this bubble would pop already so he could fall back to reality, but day after day it remained intact. Gentle brushes of her hand. Leaning closer when they spoke. Angling her body towards him whenever he sat down next to her – and there somehow was always an empty seat, like she’d saved it just for him. The warm, dizzying embrace the first day he got here was just the beginning of an endless well. He wanted so badly to know how her lips would feel against his. He tried to stop himself imagining the sorts of sounds he could pull from her, all the ways he could make her feel good. They could fall asleep here every night together, dreaming up new programs and projects.

As much as he wanted to stretch out his time with her, he loathed the idea of wearing out his welcome or, worse yet, letting hope fester long enough to make him entertain all his delusions about a life here. The trek back home to D.C. is tedious and pallid. It’s as though every foot of elevation lost on the ride down leached color and life from the world.

The dreary silence in his apartment might be the worst of all as he sets his things down and takes a long breath – one that doesn’t feel satisfying no matter how deeply he pulls for air. At least there was an objective and a deadline to keep his mind occupied and distracted from his stifling abode. He compiled his recommendations with due heed, never rushing through the retrospection and assessment he was being generously compensated to produce.

He didn’t have any legitimate reason to go back for another visit since he’d extended his initial one by so many days. Any clarifying questions could be answered via email or phone, and it better served his timeline to not travel again right now anyway. The Art Therapy Degree Program tabs in his browser stare loudly back at him. It was initially a portion of his informational findings, but he’d made the mistake of venturing into the curiosity of what it would take for him to obtain such a degree. Turns out, not very much. The extensive training and education accrued throughout his years before and during his life as an Agent meant he was fit for most bridge programs out there.

He didn’t know what to do with this new possibility, and the knowledge of it was more disquieting than anything. The awareness that something else existed out there for him felt cruel and imposing, like it was trying to force his hand to take the leap of faith. He’d done that before, and it’s what got him into the shadowlands in the first place. It started to eat at him the longer he sat with it, and what irked him most was the sole thing he knew would make him feel better: a trip to Eternity Hill Orchard. 

He racked his brain for a reason – any reason – to go up there again. He concocted some weak excuse about needing to evaluate some of the spaces before making a final recommendation, and of course Bodie was immediately receptive. He steeled himself to remain professional and impartial about things as he made his way back to the fated resort. His late start out the door meant the sun was nearly setting by the time he arrived, but it was just as enchanting as he remembered it. Bodie wasn’t at the top of the stairs to greet him this time around, but he attempted to quell the disappointment of not seeing her by reminding himself that he was here for work and that he’d see her when it was appropriate. It was bad enough that he’d let his whims bring him here again.

After checking in and getting settled, he figures a walk around the grounds is his best bet at coming across Bodie organically. So, he sets off and silently scouts potential spots for an art studio and corresponding office space. The dwindling daylight makes the endeavor less than fruitful, but he isn’t really focused on it, anyway. He’s really just out here hoping to find her. When he turns onto a secluded pathway off the side of the natural pond, the first instance of dissonance in this place emerges: a man’s aggravated voice. A few beats and then what Marcus thinks might just be Bodie’s more neutral voice. He edges closer to the sound.

“Because it’s bullshit, and you know it,” the man fumes.

“I don’t think it’s anything of the so–”

“I come here spending an ungodly amount of money, and for what? For this sham of a place?”

Marcus picks up his pace and follows the voices until he finds Bodie standing face to face with a visibly angry man. She appears in no distress despite the aggression being hurled her way. He keeps his distance until he can fully assess the situation, but his extensive federal training has him ready to intervene if needed.

“You feel like your time here has been unproductive?” She poses the question tactfully, but the man doesn’t waver.

“Well I sure as hell thought I’d get more out of it than I have! I mean, how much time and money can I throw down the drain before I speak up for myself and demand answers?”

“And what is it you were hoping to get out of your visits here?”

“I dunno! Maybe some-some sort of control back in my life?! All this wishy washy feel good bullshit hasn’t done anything! It’s all some scam to take advantage of people like me who are desperate!” he snaps, taking a step forward with arms raised to the side.

Marcus starts to close the gap but stops when Bodie gestures for him to hang back. A glance isn’t even spared his way as she focuses her attention on the angry man.

“I hear you, and I hear your frustrations. I do, however, feel that you are missing a key consideration.”

“Oh? And what’s that?” the man laughs through his nose.

“Finding and using tools to help you regain control of your life is much more beneficial than some external force coming through and offering some temporary illusion of control. And, above all that, there are things that will never be under our authority.”

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?!”“It means that, yes, we could create some fantasy of the self-actualization you’re after and make you feel like it’s true, but the whole illusion would fall apart the moment you left because it wouldn’t be real. There is no handing ‘it’ over to you – by us or anyone. The entire notion that control is something we give or take from you defeats the entire purpose of you learning to take hold of things yourself. And, you can learn all the coping skills and interventions under the sun, but they will never be useful if you try to pit them against something that will never be in your control no matter how hard you try to force it.”

The man stands straight and blinks a few times, the words overtly taking hold of something inside him.

“Part of control is acceptance, Gordon,” she explains and extends a comforting hand to his bicep. “You have to accept there are things you cannot and will not ever be able to control, and those are the things you have to learn to let go of. No amount of fighting them or screaming or anger will ever change that.”

The man – Gordon, apparently – deflates a bit at this and hangs his head. His voice becomes so quiet Marcus can’t make out half of what he’s saying. His body language speaks to remorse and embarrassment, but Marcus moves in closer just in case he is misreading the energy. He can hear the apologies now and the all too understanding acceptance of them from Bodie. Gordon catches sight of Marcus and quickly excuses himself with Bodie calling after him that she will follow up with him tomorrow.

“Well that’s a first,” Marcus quips, trying to break the dissipating tension altogether. “I was starting to believe nobody could get upset here.”

“Glad to have you back, Marcus,” she deadpans with a budding smile that gives her away.

“In all seriousness, that was, uh, that was pretty impressive.”

“What?”

“Deescalating that situation. Keeping your cool. Maintaining control of the conversation. Actually the sort of thing that makes a really great undercover or intelligence agent.”

“Well, you’d know what it takes, wouldn’t you?” she agrees warmly.

His smile falls a little at the reminder. He was, indeed, the person that would know. At the end of the day, he was still employed with the FBI. This fairy tale in the mountains was on borrowed time, and a couple of weeks from now, he’d be back to his usual responsibilities at work. It’ll be like none of this ever happened, the souvenir of a padded bank account the only remnant of this experience. The realization that he doesn’t want to be Special Agent Marcus Pike anymore hits him like a blow to the gut.

“Marcus? Are you okay?” She reaches out and slots her hand into his.

“Hm? What? Oh, oh yeah, I’m fine.” He forces a chuckle and waves off her worries, but he knows she won’t buy it.

“If you’re not too busy right now, I’d really love for you to join me on my walk.”

And of course he agrees. How could he not? Even if he knows he’s being led to the death of his guard, he can’t turn her down. The tranquil sky and mellow breeze amidst the lines of apple trees are no match for his racing mind. The last time he was here, it felt pacifying and calming. This time it feels as though all the defenses and excuses have been stripped from his brain, leaving nothing but the bare, candid emotions underneath.

“You know,” she begins, interrupting his storming thoughts, “I was thinking back to how you were talking about never being satisfied with what you’ve got. You know, how we’re both guilty of always looking for the next best thing. Worrying about ‘leaving a stone unturned’, as you put it. It made me think back to when I almost gave this up because I thought some place closer to the interstate was a better investment.”

Marcus listens in quiet disbelief as Bodie shares the memory of when she’d come across a great plot of land that was closer to the main highways in the area but located further away from the mountains. She was content at the time with the state of Eternity Hill Orchard, but it wasn’t anything near what it is today. It wasn’t even a fraction of what it is currently because she was so consumed with worry over whether or not there was something better out there. The new plot would’ve been more readily accessible for travelers, which could’ve potentially meant more patrons and a wider reach. It wasn’t until the last moment that she rescinded the offer and decided to keep what she already had and give it the devotion and nurturing it needed to thrive.

“I’m grateful every day that I didn’t go through with it,” she reflects. “The things that I thought were drawbacks were actually what made this place special. The seclusion. The terrain. You can’t get this atmosphere anywhere else. I could’ve lost all of it if I had let my fears override my instincts.”

“I couldn’t imagine this place anywhere else,” he concurs. 

“And I didn’t realize my unturned stone was right under my feet.” She levels him with a probing gaze and silently waits for him to speak.

“I’m supposed to start up my position again in a few weeks…..” he begins weakly.

She doesn’t respond beyond a gentle nod, and it compels him to keep going.

“But I don’t think– I feel like maybe there’s… maybe there’s something else for me.” He swallows hard and drops her hand, opting instead to lean against the sturdy base of an apple tree for some kind of support.

“You found a new opportunity, but you’re afraid it’s just another case of chasing after the next best thing?” she surmises.

“Yeah, I– Something like that. I think.” He laughs and drops his head back. “God, this is so unprofessional. I apologize. I really shouldn’t be talking like this.”

She ignores his appeal to decorum and instead pushes for candor. “So, Marcus, where’s the line between romanticizing a hypothetical and following your heart?”

When he doesn’t have an answer, she leans against the tree beside him, and Marcus feels a thousand fiery licks of magnetic pull.

“This whole experience with you has made me consider leaving my work to become an Art Therapist.” It comes out before he can stop it, but he’s rewarded with a beatific smile that makes his insides feel warm and syrupy.

“You know, I have it on good intel that there’s a really nice place up in the mountains that’s in the market for an Art Therapist. I mean, they’re awaiting a report from a consultant about how to implement the Program, but still. I mean, hey, one lucky Art Therapist might just find themselves with the freedom of creating the entire structure of the Program from start to finish.”

Marcus shakes his head, unwilling to accept the insinuation of being offered a job he wasn’t even qualified for. Yet.

“And I bet that Art Therapist would be able to help a lot of people,” she adds softly. “Could really change the lives of the people he’s around.”

He turns to meet her gaze at that and fumbles for the right thing to say. “I can’t— I couldn’t possibly ask you to—”

“You didn’t ask. I offered,” she points out. 

“So, what? I’m just– I start tomorrow, just narrowing down a list of online bridge programs? Until I find one and apply? And then magically I just use that degree here?” he scoffs.

“Either that or you could spend the next few days trying and failing to talk yourself out of it,” she muses with a grin.

He balks and stalls but can’t argue with the assertion. Truth be told, he doesn’t even feel like trying to talk himself out of it. The fight left in him to ignore his heart is quickly faltering. 

“And, if I might take a turn being unprofessional, I really, really wouldn’t mind you being here on a more … permanent basis. It was nice having you around.”

“Y-Yeah?”

“Mmmhhmmmm.”

Marcus’s eyes flit between her glittery eyes and plush lips. All those years of unfulfilled promises melt away. Every unreciprocated outpouring of love and emotion, gone by the wayside. No more were the feelings of having so much to give without anyone to give it to.

“I really want to kiss you,” he admits in a hush.

“I thought you’d never ask,” she murmurs back.

He doesn’t give himself the opportunity to linger on hesitations. He dips his head and presses his mouth against hers and finds an ardent response. The kiss is  slow and deliberate, like so much time has been lost to the absence of it that every facet must be savored. Her tongue rolls along the ridge of his lip, and he opens with a soft gasp when she pushes their bodies together.

She tastes of sugar and earth, body firm and potent. Still, he holds her like a delicate, timeless artifact meant to be admired and cherished. He follows her pull to the cool grass below and groans at the weight of his body sagging against hers. She hooks a foot behind each knee and tugs, the shift of it sending him off balance. Her pliant body eagerly accommodates his searching hands. The dip and swell of her form under his touch has his mind tracing static orbits, something barely tethered to anything resembling cognizance.

When they finally part for a breath, chests heaving and lips swollen, he sees the incisive tenacity burning bright in her eyes. She rolls their fused bodies until his back settles against the ground, and he lies as a stone unturned beneath her feet, ready to be inverted and suffused by her entirety.

“I’ve known I wanted you from the moment we spoke on the phone,” she confesses quietly. Her hand drifts down his torso, stopping carefully at the button of his waistband.

His heart lurches at the disclosure, brazen in all its laid bare inelegance. “All I could think about was getting back to you,” he confides. “All I wanted was to be back here with you.”

Bodie’s lips crash against Marcus’s with unbridled force, the curve of her tongue licking and darting its way deeper into his mouth. The light blanket of night air ripples against their exposed skin as they hastily remove piece by piece of clothing until they’re laid bare against the strewn fabric. Bodie lies staring up at him, and Marcus somehow has the inkling of clarity left enough to pause and check in.

“Is this okay?” he pants.

“Stake your claim on your path forward, Marcus,” she purrs like it’s an invitation. “Leave your mark on what fate brought to you.”

All reason and restraint leaves his body at the call. His teeth graze and nip hungrily down her neck, across her chest, and tug at the hardened nubs he finds there all pert for his attention. Her body curves up from the ground to meet the wet slip of his mouth and rocks mindlessly when it connects with her sex.“I wanna taste you, I wanna taste you” is all she hears between greedy laps of his tongue. He ruts against the mounds of fabric laid about, desperate for any sort of friction after experiencing the high of her taste. Every little moan and gasp is a brush stroke in his portrait of her pleasure. He feeds off the taction and responsiveness, using those hues and depths of bliss to bring about the definitive, live rendering. A heavenly sound slithers up her throat when he slowly inserts two stacked fingers.

“I feel you. Christ you’re so wet,” he rasps. “Come on my fingers. I wanna feel it. C’mon, baby, come for me.”

She cries out under the careful movements of his mouth and fingers, the soft tufts of his hair gripped tight in her hands as she rides it out. His groans fill the air as he laps up each and every gush of arousal. She hauls him up to share another heated kiss, almost relishing in the taste of herself on his tongue.

Marcus breaks away first, pupils blown wide, with a small shiver running up his entire body. He knows going further is risky, and he knows, just like everything else about this moment, it’s driven entirely by raw connection and want. The feeling of finally having someone to pour himself into far too overwhelming to ignore, and there’s never been anything in his life that felt more right than everything in this moment.

“I don’t usual– I just– Can I….?” He trails off with a glance down at his thick length, bobbing heavily with every movement and demanding attention.

Bodie branches her legs out wider to make room for him – for the place he wishes to be buried in. “Please.”

He wastes no time notching himself at her entrance and slowly feeding his cock inch by inch until he’s fully seated inside. They groan in unison at the assimilation of their bodies merging into one synchronous entity. He’s rambling now, unable to stop the torrent of declarations and hopes and craving. Admitting to having already imagined pinning her down just like he is right now, legs pressed against her chest so he can drive deeper. Not hiding the multitudes of ways he wants to profess and display his affection for her.

Bodie responds in kind. Each kiss of his cockhead against the mouth of her womb punctuated with a rush of oaths and calls to freefall into one another. She clings to him like he holds her next breath. They sway and pitch in turn with heavy breaths and wanton cries of bliss released to the sky. Her lids are heavy with exertion when he brings her upright and back flush against his chest, both of their knees digging into the ground.

“I wanna fuck you slow,” he pants, gently rocking his hips against the swell of her ass. “Wanna feel this forever. Want to take my time with you.”

She grinds back onto him, meeting stroke for stroke, and hums contentedly. “You feel so good. Feels so good.”

“Yeah? You like when I make you feel good? You gonna let me make you feel good?”

“You always make me feel good,” she breathes.

He groans and rolls his hips faster, harder. She turns her head to kiss him, latching a hand onto his neck to hold him there. The momentum of his thrusts hastens and sends her to her hands and knees, and Marcus drapes himself across the plane of her back with an arm winding tight around her chest as he drives deeper. All the noises he imagined are nothing compared to the real thing. He can feel her getting closer, and he goads her on.

“There you go–there you go–yeah–let me have it–let me have it, baby.”

He sinks his teeth into the rounded skin on her shoulder and bares down as she moans and clenches around him. Her soft flesh pillows around his bite as the kick of his cock pulses against her walls. She cries out from the sting of his marking but leans into it all the same. Their bodies slump to the ground, still connected at the crux of her thighs, but it’s still not close enough for him.

They lay together in quiet content as their highs level off. He presses the wet of his lips to each little indentation he left, and he hopes they’ll be gone by morning. The guilt of having marked her so deeply – and the guilt of how much that turns him on – occupy his thoughts as he pays his penitence with each kiss. She interrupts his amends and turns to face him, a playful smirk emerging when he hisses at the last drag of her satiny clutches.

His half-lidded, nebulous expression is mirrored, and she can’t stop herself from seeking intimacy again by way of a kiss, which he readily returns. He cradles her to the sinuous line of his body, and it’s as though she was always meant to fit there. The night sky looks down on them as they struggle to not let sleep take them right then and there.

“We should really head back,” Bodie reluctantly points out.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Marcus agrees.

The task of dressing is much more appealing with one another’s help, and they do so until each is as put together as before they came up the hill. They walk hand in hand back toward the main buildings with easy, lulling conversation to pass the time. Marcus smiles ear to ear when Bodie asks a staff member to move his things to her room.

“Wow, moving in together already?” he jokes.

“I feel like it just makes things easier since we’re going to be planning the rest of our lives, you know?” she lobs back with a cheeky grin. “Logistics and all that.”

“So I guess tomorrow is the start of my new life, huh?” he half-teases, but the undercurrent of nerves still comes through.

“I think you knowing about it is new, but I’m pretty sure it was waiting here for you all along.”

And in that moment he wanted to tell her all the ways he adored her. Confess all the varieties of hope she instilled in him. Scream from the rooftops how much he loved her.

But there was no need to rush. Those things could wait, now that he had forever to say them.

This fic was my contribution to @perotovar's Frith Challenge where I received Marcus Pike x Idun. I don't even know where to start with how wild of a journey this fic was to write, and honestly idek if y'all would believe me if I told you lmao.

As always, thank you for reading and sharing!

catch ya later, ♥Puddles♥

[panur]

OK So, but what if after the combined trauma of countess de stael dumping him, almost dying from djinn and watching the love of his life his bestie fuck some crazy woman who threatened his bollocks, Jaskier isn't having the best time of his life, exactly?

and what if, he meets some random nobleman who's out to slum it out with the rest of them? jaskier's got some experience on the matter, having been one, and he's only too happy to take him carousing to the best places, introduce him to several parties and fellow creatives while spending this guy's coin?

Jaskier has a lovely winter, and is half in love with the guy, but alas, the fact he's (very badly) lying about his identity, that he's got no idea what he's doing and that he has more money than the redenian bank show this guy is prolly someone important and jaskier is kind of sick of heartache, so they end up parting in bittersweet but good terms after several weeks worth of affair.

and then, it's like 15 years later and Vespula is throwing his shit (and some that isn't even his!) all over the muddy streets and a very scary sexy sorceress is threatening him and he turns around AND WHO'S SATNDING THERE.

"comma prince" is gonna hit WAY different.

guys I'm dying imagining the whole drama of it, like, you can keep every single scene pretty much the same with them both pretending they don't know each other BUT IT ALL HITS SO MUCH MORE DIFFERENT, and now jaskier is the winter fling Radovid never got over and never thought he'd see again, and now Radovid is the one that got away but could have been something more if Jaskier had been less flighty and less guarded of his very tender heart, oh my GOD.

CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW 'EXTRAORDINARY THINGS' HITS SO MUCH MORE DIFFERENT FOR BOTH OF THEM NOW.

AND THE SHED…?????

#it’s free real estate prompt just tag me so i can read

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

3 of swords

OK, so I'm already joggling with some ideas in my head regarding the background story behind Syd's tattoo.

I think it was inspired by a previous bad breakup in which she sword to herself: NEVER AGAIN. Maybe a love triangle she was involved in and that ended up badly for her? It resulted in so much heartache and pain that she decided to literally ink it in her skin as a reminder not to fall for it again.

Which would explain why she was so flustered and jumpy with Claire's presence and how it affected her dynamic with Carm. She wanted to be treated like the priority, and since Carmen didn't treat her like that for most of the season, well, we know how she took it. It wasn't just about the business, it had a deeper meaning for her. She doesn't wanna share, even if this time around I don't think it has any romantic subtext for Sydney, it definitely hits a nerve because of her history.

BUT THE REAL DEAL HERE IS THE "DENIAL OF EMOTIONS". That's a hint. A prediction. Not about how that tattoo represents her past and whatever lesson she learned from it and wants to be constantly reminded of not to make the same mistake again, but in this case, because of Carmen, it becomes a prediction of what´s to come or maybe is already happening right there beneath the surface, simmering, and we'll get to see it up close in S3.

Who knows?

I wonder...

[soleilnomoon]

Hey there! I’m loving the ~selection~ of your blog! I was wondering if I may request a strawhat!fem!reader x Law, please? Something like they meet on Punk Hazard and it’s a ‘love at first sight but I will die before I admit it’ sort of situation. They get closer to each other as time goes on, becoming sort of ‘unofficial’ as a couple, but then when the alliance is over and they have to part ways there’s this really deep aching for each other and they find ways to secretly meet up so as to not cause an incident. Of course, because it’s the Straw Hats, they get caught sneaking around pretty quickly. I’m okay with smut and if you want to make the reader GN, that’s cool too!! Thanks in advance!

hihi! hope you had fun perusing through said selection~ i do love secret relationships, and making law suffer through feelings is my favorite pastime <3 ty for your patience, i hope you like it😊i kept it tame (shocker), but mostly bc i knew i'd be writing forever if i didn't lmao

2.1k words, fem reader (no pronouns), sfw, 18+, mdni; tiny, tiny bit of angst (i promise, ok maybe more than a tiny bit), fluff (???? in this economy??? idek anymore); no real warnings, rly, just law x reader being idiots in love somehow. robin makes an appearance (briefly!) & reader is over-complicating things 💛

“i am tired of explaining the fire, / it burns because it must.” — gwen benaway

it was never your intention to fall in love; you were actively against it for as long as you remember, finding heartache to be comparable to miniature deaths where you don’t quite die all the way. a morbid, ridiculous affair, one that you want to eliminate before it spins and transforms into something wholly unrecognizable and equally difficult to get rid of.

you actively remind yourself to guard your heart, to steel your emotions — to ensure that no one ever penetrates the concrete walls that surround your heart. to love, you fear, is to give away the most vulnerable parts of yourself; you’re not quite ready to do any of that just yet. or ever if you have it your way. being a member of the straw  hats crew makes it all the more easier for you to distance yourself from bothersome feelings — where you can, instead, pour your focus into getting stronger, into protecting your crew mates, and into enjoying the adventure without any flimsy romantic ties.

to survive the harshness that comes with the territory of being a pirate, you mercilessly carve out the parts of yourself that you predict will willingly leave you helpless as hope continues to remain out of your reach. in your quest for liberation from your absurd fantasies, from your wily desires and cumbersome thoughts, you fail to fortify yourself properly — what you think is an impenetrable, thick glass casing around your fragile heart, is something much more delicate and easier to crack.

impossible is not a word you use often, but that’s the only thing that comes to mind when you meet hm for the first time. it’s all you hear when he opens his mouth, when his eyes catch the way you openly stare at him — shameless on your part, really — like a fish flung out of water, you find yourself gasping and before you can embarrass yourself any further, you decide that a quick walk will suffice in freeing your mind.

it’s not that he’s incapable of romantic love, but he prefers not to deal with needless emotions if he can help it. for as long as he can remember, love’s always been the one thing that overcomplicates his life. it leaves him breathless, as if there’s never enough air around him whenever it passes through; and when he meets you, it collides into him so hard, he’s pretty sure he must be dreaming. because dreams cushion the fall, makes things easier to deal with; they’re collectively an infinitely more gracious, uncomplicated ordeal — one that law would rather deal with than the alternative.

reality, it seems, is entirely too brutal; the truth of the matter is, he’s never been quite this taken with anyone before in his entire life. it’s unnerving, to say the least, and while he’d rather gouge his eyes out repeatedly than admit anything like that, he can only deny the truth for so long.

you ask the others about him, as your original opinion — taken from tidbits you’ve read about him in the papers — needs some serious amending. here before you stands a formidable foe-turned-ally, a man who is more myth than legend, one that exudes an intimidating enough aura to make you nervous enough to look away several times. he doesn’t understand why you do that; why whenever he attempts to cut through whatever bullshit façade you’ve constructed for the time being, you always find a way to escape.

what is it that you’re running from, and how long will you keep running? and why is he so intrigued by your plight, even when he doesn’t know the exact details behind it?

it’s bad enough that you can hardly stomach a few minutes of conversation with him; you find his haughtiness absurd, and his confidence even more so — although, he wouldn’t be a pirate captain if he didn’t exhibit those qualities at least, right? still, it doesn’t exactly stop you from seeking out his company, nor does it stop your curiosity from growing. you’re engrossed with his manner of speaking, with his rigid views and inability to stop luffy from derailing his plans. you think it’s funny that law thinks he has a handle on the alliance, when you know your captain will have his way regardless of who says what.

while he may have initially thought that his insistence on surveilling you was simply a force of habit — to ensure you can be trustworthy, that you won’t mess up anything he’s set in motion — he knows that, deep down, that isn’t exactly true. he also thought his inclination to ensure that you’re always accounted for, to come up with additional plans in case you’re in danger, to find reasons to talk at you in that patronizing tone of his was normal behavior. but, on a brisk evening, robin breaks it down for him — into bite-sized, digestible chunks, for him to mull over for the duration of the night, for his brain to agonize over certain realizations and ignore the way his heart beats a tiny bit faster around you.

and, because she’s not done playing the role of matchmaker, robin also approaches you, tells you that you’re being a little silly, doing all you can to avoid prolonged contact with law, while also watching him from afar. you don’t know how to take that, try your best to come up with excuse after excuse, but she gives you a knowing look, which only makes your face grown unbearably hot. it’s childish, really, this feeling; the way it slows your movements, dulls your reflexes, makes you think about law more frequently than you should. and when it gets to be too much, when you keep finding yourself in compromising positions with him, you eventually blurt out things that don’t make sense.

“your face is distracting,” you tell him bitterly as you sip your coffee and glare at him over your mug. he chokes on his food, eying you warily as he wipes his mouth. “do something about it.” you’re not one to give out commands like that, let alone give them to him, but you find it ridiculous that you can’t seem to focus whenever he’s around. if he could reel back his attractiveness, then you’d function better. you’ve shattered one too many dishes over the past week, and you can only come up with so many excuses to give sanji and nami.

law finds your argument lacking, yet somewhat comical; he tilts his head and studies you carefully, the corners of his lips tugging downward as he tries to wrap his mind around your logic.

“it’s my face,” he waves your concerns off, “there’s nothing i can do about it, so…” and even if he could, he probably wouldn’t. “why do you have a problem with it now?”

you don’t know how to explain it to him without sounding completely out of your mind, so you don’t; you dump the remainder of your coffee into the kitchen sink and huff under your breath, hands shaking as nerves get the best of you.

“of course, you wouldn’t understand.” because you can barely understand it yourself if you’re honest. “i won’t bother explaining, then.” again, you say the impossible, and he’s left feeling frustrated; rather than let you walk away, though, he corners you. he grabs onto your wrist firmly, and rather than fight him, you stay.

“every time i think i have you figured out,” his eyes narrow, but he lets out a sigh, face softening briefly, “you say or do something that makes me think otherwise.”

you’re not sure if you should feel offended or relieved or both. so, you remain silent, instead letting his words slowly crawl along your skin. it’s the closest you’ll get to a confession right now, but you accept it anyway.

what begins as a begrudging curiosity, turns into an awkward friendship wrought with petty arguments and witty jokes, which soon fast-tracks to a full-blown romance. it’s silly, really; the sneaking around, the shared looks and secret kisses, the moments during the day where you both disappear for hours, the way you think you’re being subtle, when both of you are so terribly obvious with your affections for one another.

there are a few, of course, who are oblivious — zoro, luffy, chopper, the like — but the rest are well-aware; it’s robin who advises them to keep quiet about it, who suggests that the two of you think you’re being clever by keeping things a secret. if anything, it sparks another bet between all of them, one where they debate over how long you’re determined to keep your relationship hidden from them.

it's not that you don’t want to tell them, but you dislike the idea of them knowing, because you have yet to process the relationship completely. he’s also of the same mind, although he’s made his peace with it much sooner than you have. it’s less him not wanting people to know, and more his concern with what will happen once people do find out. distance certainly does not make the heart grow fonder; he can attest to that.

and when the alliance finally runs its course, he’s faced with a reality he didn’t anticipate. he became so accustomed to being around you constantly, that not having you by his side feels… strange. unwanted, even. there’s an emptiness that sits inside of him that he can’t fill no matter what. you’re equally as miserable, pouting and sighing whenever you find the time; you attempt to write him several times and rip the letters up before you can send them. he asked if you wanted to join his crew, you turned him down out of loyalty for the straw hats.

you don’t feel burdened by your decision, but you don’t exactly feel whole afterwards. it’s by using transponder snails and encoded messages that you make plans with one another. the beauty of having a submarine for a ship means he can travel wherever he pleases; the downside is that his crew often questions the various deviations on their route to various islands. he reminds them that it’s to ensure they’re always stocked on supplies, but bepo sees through that flimsy excuse. whenever he tries to broach the subject, law waves him off, dismisses his theories, and insists that his first mate is wrong.

it's zoro who confronts you, who tells you that what you’re doing is putting the crew at risk; he questions your loyalty, not out of malice, but out of genuine curiosity. you understand where he’s coming from, and even try to talk yourself out of meeting law again (and again, and again), but you think about how you’re not ready to give anything up just yet. you’re not sure why you’re being forced to choose, but a small voice in the back of your mind reminds you that love, while a truly beautiful and miraculous thing, is every bit as insidious as it is outrageous.

still, you don’t think about that when you’re with law; your mind stills, a sense of peace taking over, making things feel warm and right. he doesn’t bother telling you about the worries from his crew mates, and you don’t saddle him with your grief over potentially having to end things one day. you tuck it into your heart, compartmentalize it meticulously, shelving the box to be dealt with in the distant future. instead, you enjoy telling him about various things you’ve seen since you were last together, and he pretends that he’s not trying to find ways to convince you to come along with him.

love is every bit as fickle as it is draining — constantly demanding your full attention, lording guilt over your head whenever it can. you’re not sure how much more of it you can take, but you’ve come too far to turn back now. and every time you kiss him, you willingly lose a piece of yourself; he’s collected so much, you’re afraid you’ll disappear by the end of it.

it was vulnerability that you feared for so long, but it should’ve been longevity — feelings are fleeting, but what happens when the particularly irksome ones, the ones that have you blushing and stumbling over your words around him, when they stay for longer than necessary? you don’t know what to do with it all — with the excessive anxiety over what ifs and why nots — so you bury it all over again in the hopes of uncovering it when life isn’t quite as complicated. he refuses to let you retreat into yourself, and reminds you any chance that he gets, that no matter what you try to tell yourself, everything that’s happened is real.

because if he must suffer the burden of carrying love around with him every moment of the day, you will to; he absolutely will make certain of it. and even though your crew mates aren’t particularly pleased with your decision, it’s not up to them, now, is it? you don’t go flaunting it, but you’re tired of hiding; after all, what’s the point of keeping up a charade where everyone is already privy to your secret?

[hypergamiss]

what’re your thoughts on causal dating? Like dating around for the experience and fun? I’m not interested in anything serious rn bc I’m still young, and I don’t want to sleep around w multiple ppl, but if I like someone and they like me I’m willing to be casual. But my sister says it’s a waste and that I should only date seriously. I’m still going to work on personal development stuff, but I don’t want to be lonely in the process.

Ok, let's unpack this sisterly advice situation. Your sis is Team No Casual Dating, while you're wondering if it might be a worthwhile detour on your self-improvement journey. Let's face it, she does have a point. And as your fellow sister, I'm betting she's looking out for you, not trying to condemn you to a lonely future. She's probably trying to save you from some heartache she's already experienced.

The thing is, a lot of us feel pressured to date just because everyone else seems to be on that carousel. But trust me, there are definitely folks who should steer clear of the dating scene entirely until someone truly worthy comes along. Finding a person you click with is way more fulfilling than dating just for the sake of having a plus one.

And let's talk about that emotional rollercoaster. Energy is a powerful force, and expending it on the wrong person can absolutely derail your self-development goals. Casual dating sounds liberating in theory – fun, flirty, no strings attached. But emotions are sneaky little ninjas! One minute you're enjoying a carefree date, the next you're picking out china patterns in your head and desperately wanting that "define the relationship" conversation.

Men can emotionally compartmentalize better in casual situations. Now, not all guys, but enough to make it a risky game for women who tend to invest emotionally. Cue the vulnerability and the whole "what does this even mean?" spiral.

So, can you avoid ending up with a wounded heart? Sure, if you're an emotional detachment black belt. But let's be real, most of us aren't. There's nothing wrong with giving casual dating a shot (dating, not sleeping with men), but I agree, that the cons tend to highly outweigh the pros.

[etinceelle]

My heart goes out to you, I’m so sorry you are fraught right now and I hope I can give you some strength for today. I would make a comment about the impact your creations have on me personally, but maybe centering my condolences on your art (fantastic as it is) wouldn’t be very sensitive to how you’re feeling rn. Heartache can engulf all our creative energy

I just hope this message helps even a little bit, you seem really nice and I want you to be ok even though we’ve never met

(This is my first ask— not sure if I’m supposed to literally ask a question. Um, maybe if it hasn’t been asked yet, what inspired you into making your own music compositions?)

That's super sweet, thank you so much ♥♥ And to reassure you even if they're called "asks" you can also simply leave messages like these, I appreciate it :)

It's true that drawing is more difficult right now, I managed to doodle something today after getting some inspiration, I just changed and went on Procreate again instead of using my usual tablet and software, I needed something smaller and "messy", also my cat Citrouille was taking all the place on my desk and I just wanted to cuddle and let her sleep so I just drew next to her (with the small place she gave me aha)

I'm glad to know my art inspire you, even during time like these, I'm happy to know about that, and I'm also happy you consider my current feelings as well so thank you ♥

As for music composition, I always loved to "compose" music in my head but it always stayed only there, and even if I studied music at the conservatory (I was in a choir for a few years and learned cello and music theory for 2 years) it's something that was there before I started to study there. I don't really like to write music and I'm not the best at it, so I just love to do it with feeling. Music is already a huge inspiration in my life and I guess I could associate music to every single moment of my life, and drawings as well. And at some point I also wanted to really do something of my own but for real, not only in my head, and associate it with drawings/animations, because it's a complement and it feels like stuff comes to life and it's such a great feeling

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 155 spoilers n thoughts below cut etc u know the drill

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bug when u lift a rock

i love when he has lil soft smileys like this theyre his best look heehee

THIS IS WHAT MY BRAIN WAS MELTING OVER EARLIER TODAY BTW. IM GOING INSANE

THIS HAD ME SHIVERING . TREMBLING LIKE A WET CAT. "when someone really misses another person... they might meet again here." GHH . HGGGGG AAAAAHHH

ok sorry uh. i dont have much insight this time around im just going insane over it,,, a place that represents happy memories and promises to stay together and yet suho has returned here, unable to hold onto both without the ache of loss bc his parents r gone AAAGGHHHG AA

how cruel how cruel how cruel,,, cruel reminders of what he can never return to,,, WHICH MAKES HIM SAYING "i already met my family." SOOO HEARTACHE TO ME

ok sorry im jumping ahead a bit but yeah suho feeling at home as a frontera and moving forward, beyond the memories and the past,,, im gonna THROW UP what the FUCK

ok bouncing back to some sillies this ep LOL

A MAN ON A FUCKING MISSION 😭 LLOYD U MONSTER HAHAA javier being happy that lloyds back to his motivated self tho makes me so happy WEEHEEHEE

ALSO JAVIER IMMEDIATELY BECOMING SOCMED FAMOUS IS SO FUNNY HAHAHAHA honestly the ppl who r taking pics. so real. me too. i can only imagine how insanely pretty javier would b if he was in our world,,, his protagonist-level good looks are dimensional constants .

i am a little bit confused as to why javier said this considering he was so ready to bring lloyd back at all costs when they first got here? mmm maybe his worries were quelled when they were taking the mountain trail to the tower? im not quite sure,,, maybe i missed smth

ALSO HIS FRIEND OMGGG

IM SO GLAD WE GOT TO SEE HIM AGAIN hes working construction now too!!! wahoo!!! hes still got that face tho lol

OH OH AND THE COP CHASE RIGHT

javier folding the clothes is so silly hes such a good lil guy 😭 vs lloyd just leaving them scattered LMAOOO it was nice of them to leave a note n the gold for the cop guys tho!!

i also liked that the cops kept fucking posing thru out the whole ep HAHAHA ive never seen jjba but its like jjba level posing theyre so silly

AND FINALLY YAA THEY GOT ALL THE MATERIALS SECURED

i rlly liked javiers lil "!!" at the bottom here HEHEHE

so so happy they got the stuff!!!! restoration of fate can SUCK AN EGG THEYRE GONNA BEAT IT!!!! hopefully

afaik theres no telling what the jewel of truth is gonna actually say abt fighting fate,,, or whether or not the jewel will give the answer that easily,,, hopefully it goes smoothly lloyd deserves a break atp 😭😭😭

also how r they gonna put the thing together havent they been flying over the ocean w draggy recently . werent the mermaids tryna figure out who was commanding draggy so that they could sic em for opening that portal to hell 😭 WILL THAT B A PROBLEM? (dont actually answer that)

man oh man milestone achieved but still so much to do for these guys,,,, i wanna put them in a box and contain them and let them have a break they deserve it

ok thats it for now,,, if i start brainrotting again ill prolly post abt it here or on twitter,,, see yall next week!!!!

[lesharl-eclair]

simi fic recs pt. 1

um i wrote half of this at 2am so.. any errors mine ::::) heed the tags etc etc i think this doesnt; need to be saisd

all fics below the cut; if you enjoyed these fics, please show the authors comment and kudo love; should you be the author of a fic that's here, and don't want to be here, please reach out to me and your wish is my command :)

individual fics first as always!

maybe just a little by neonbreadsticks (G, 4.1k)

Kimi doesn’t remember much these days. Only the soft glow of the sunlight through the beige curtains, and the smell of the flowers in the garden before they bloom. The sound of a beat-up Aston Martin idling in his driveway and his dustless shelves in his living room. The curve of Seb’s lips, pulled back against his cheeks, the crows feet that only appear when he laughs at things beyond Kimi’s level of understanding.  Kimi doesn’t remember much these days, but he remembers enough.

ok fr i cried (and proceeded to write this)

this is one of my all-time favourite simi fics because of how beautiful it is - their story isn't over-embellished, it's just given a lot of space to shine. there's a certain heartache that comes w/ the added complication of ferrari & discarding of naivete & us vs the world levels of heroic framing & the idea that seb isn't ok but kimi's there that makes the fic really bring on the waterworks for me.

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to survive the tides by @shih-coulda-had-it (T, 4.6k)

The surge of want nearly overwhelmed Sebastian’s impulse control, sorely tested since the beginning of their partnership in Ferrari, and now so worn and tattered that Sebastian almost said, ‘Yes, go ahead, take whatever you want, I will give it to you.’ Sebastian Vettel attends the 2018 FIA Prize Giving.

OH MY GOD i spent an embarrasingly long time making sure it was actually your tumblr hehehaha.

something really special about the way you wrote the interactions. everything is incredibly true to life (warily impressed at the amount of research you must have done)

there's a sense of restrained tension slash want slash bittersweet something that runs through this entire thing. am very compelled. every time i reread this it's a different experience.

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to the finnish line by @rosyjuly (E, 3.2k)

"It’s the perfect car to have some fun. Might even take the roof down.” They do. They also take Charles back to their hotel room.

can i just say i let out a very embarrassing noise when i realised who the author was on tumblr like oh my GOD. OH my goddd

SIMI DOMESTICITY SHINING THROUGH??? as unlikely as it seems in such a fic. inside jokes. the very questionable power dynamics lol. seriously torn about how to feel for charles. very brilliant unexpected characterisation.

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what a thing to choose by @thereisstillalifetolive (E, 2/2, 10.1k)

If someone had asked Kimi what he thought about Seb’s acting ability prior to this he would’ve laughed in their face, Iceman or not. Because while Seb’s ability to talk circles around a question he doesn’t want to answer is unparalleled, a reasonably trained goldfish could discern how he feels about it. Except. Right now, Kimi’s not entirely certain what year he’s actually in.

still don't know how to talk about this fic coherently it was one of the holyshit moments for me

there are still some tiny sweet moments that shine through. amidst all the Stuff going on. and the vulnerability becomes all the more devastating. like yes this is ageplay this is performance (to some extent) but it's also very real. characterisation is breathtaking, sex speaks for itself, possessive kimi + desperate seb is hmmmmhmmhm. rearranging my brain.

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thanks for reading, etc. there's loooots more simi fic recs coming your way if i can be bothered

as always, if you enjoyed this, or if i missed any fic, please let me know :) drop me an ask for any ship if you're dying to see something!