#Manual Coding Machine

[luetta]

idk if people on tumblr know about this but a cybersecurity software called crowdstrike just did what is probably the single biggest fuck up in any sector in the past 10 years. it's monumentally bad. literally the most horror-inducing nightmare scenario for a tech company.

some info, crowdstrike is essentially an antivirus software for enterprises. which means normal laypeople cant really get it, they're for businesses and organisations and important stuff.

so, on a friday evening (it of course wasnt friday everywhere but it was friday evening in oceania which is where it first started causing damage due to europe and na being asleep), crowdstrike pushed out an update to their windows users that caused a bug.

before i get into what the bug is, know that friday evening is the worst possible time to do this because people are going home. the weekend is starting. offices dont have people in them. this is just one of many perfectly placed failures in the rube goldburg machine of crowdstrike. there's a reason friday is called 'dont push to live friday' or more to the point 'dont fuck it up friday'

so, at 3pm at friday, an update comes rolling into crowdstrike users which is automatically implemented. this update immediately causes the computer to blue screen of death. very very bad. but it's not simply a 'you need to restart' crash, because the computer then gets stuck into a boot loop.

this is the worst possible thing because, in a boot loop state, a computer is never really able to get to a point where it can do anything. like download a fix. so there is nothing crowdstrike can do to remedy this death update anymore. it is now left to the end users.

it was pretty quickly identified what the problem was. you had to boot it in safe mode, and a very small file needed to be deleted. or you could just rename crowdstrike to something else so windows never attempts to use it.

it's a fairly easy fix in the grand scheme of things, but the issue is that it is effecting enterprises. which can have a looooot of computers. in many different locations. so an IT person would need to manually fix hundreds of computers, sometimes in whole other cities and perhaps even other countries if theyre big enough.

another fuck up crowdstrike did was they did not stagger the update, so they could catch any mistakes before they wrecked havoc. (and also how how HOW do you not catch this before deploying it. this isn't a code oopsie this is a complete failure of quality ensurance that probably permeates the whole company to not realise their update was an instant kill). they rolled it out to everyone of their clients in the world at the same time.

and this seems pretty hilarious on the surface. i was havin a good chuckle as eftpos went down in the store i was working at, chaos was definitely ensuring lmao. im in aus, and banking was literally down nationwide.

but then you start hearing about the entire country's planes being grounded because the airport's computers are bricked. and hospitals having no computers anymore. emergency call centres crashing. and you realised that, wow. crowdstrike just killed people probably. this is literally the worst thing possible for a company like this to do.

crowdstrike was kinda on the come up too, they were starting to become a big name in the tech world as a new face. but that has definitely vanished now. to fuck up at this many places, is almost extremely impressive. its hard to even think of a comparable fuckup.

a friday evening simultaneous rollout boot loop is a phrase that haunts IT people in their darkest hours. it's the monster that drags people down into the swamp. it's the big bag in the horror movie. it's the end of the road. and for crowdstrike, that reaper of souls just knocked on their doorstep.

[kabr0ztrousers]

hey could you write about a pussy portal? with whatever monster you feel like! also could it be semi-public (public but hidden)? also knotting is appreciated!

Kabr0z Writes episode 53: Hornyposting

Find the rest of the Kabr0z Writes anthology here!

CWs: portal sex; knotting; public sex; cum in vagina; unknown male; freeuse; recieving cunnilingus; age gap; implied impregnation; interspecies; portal fucking

A/N: I do love writing portal fucking, though I'm not sure I understood the prompt properly on this one, so enjoy reading about fem!reader being fucked by a knotted cock while falling to avoid notice

Also, any requests etc, please drop an ask!

#######################################

When you bought something called a "telepresence glory hole" you weren't honestly expecting what you got. It arrived OK, and came with a phonebook of a disclaimer which you didn't bother reading. What was really interesting was, it actually seemed legit. In the box you got a pair of panties, and a handheld device that looked kinda like a fleshlight. Both had strange disks integrated to them made of some kind of metal. You spent the next hour going through the manual, registering them to a phone app and generating a friend code.

Testing went without a hitch, you plugged the friend code into the app, and the link established with a faint buzz. Next came the fun part. You broke the link, before taking to the internet. Would you believe there's a whole community centred around these things?

You got changed, a nice sundress to go out in, those panties underneath. A quick picture later and you posted your selfie and your code, out in the aether. You set off, walking to the cafe, locking the app as you left. For the next 4 hours, you're open for business.

The bell on the café door jingled as it opened. The local corporate chain, you weren't going to risk getting chucked out of a café you actually liked, but even if the coffee sucked here the wifi's free and there's plenty of people around. You joined the back of the line and inched towards the counter.

You felt a draft down below. A breath across your cunt. There were still a few people ahead of you. A shiver ran up your spine, it's starting already.

A wide tongue grazed your outer lips, starting slowly. You tensed your cunt a little to egg whoever this was on. You'd said in your post that you were up for any guy to give you a fuck, though maybe you hadn't mentioned what you'd be up to in the meantime... But that's very much what things like this were designed for, nobody's wearing these for a quiet night in.

The tongue came again, holding back a little less this time, coating the outside of your pussy in drool as it licked up and down your-

"Hi! What can I get for you?" The rictus grin of the cashier snapped you out of your thoughts

"C-cappuchino please. Large" you stammered out, speaking fast to try and avoid your voice giving you away.

You paid noiselessly, tapping your card on the machine which beeped compliantly before stepping over to the other counter with your receipt and the order number printed on it.

The tongue got more aggressive. Your knee buckled as it circled your clit. You squeezed your eyes shut a moment as it threatened to slip into your eager hole. You leaned on a low wall behind you, trying to look nonchalant as you checked your forum post.

WolfDaddy1969 had replied to you "Don't need to tell me twice" was this the person so diligently licking you out? He didn't have a profile picture. God, but whoever this was, they're good with their tongue. You rolled your head backwards in ecstasy, trying to disguise it by rubbing the back of your neck, but the quiet whimper you gave drew the eye of the suited woman beside you as she stepped forward to grab a tray of paper cups.

"Order 42, large cappuccino, regular milk"

Your legs threatened to betray you as you as you stepped up and took the almost litre cup of coffee with your order number stuck to it. You turned to try and find a table, almost stumbling as you did. The movement was shifting your pussy lips, moving them subtly against one another as the tongue pushed between them. You fell into a seat, legs spread. You could feel moisture leaking around the edges of the portal, the combination of drool and your pussy juice starting to slick your crotch.

The tongue had barely let up before you felt something else pressing against you. Hard and drooling, there was no mistaking it. You'd been with a lupine before, you knew how they start squirting precum almost as soon as you get them hard. You imagined it, if this wolf really was born in the late 60's then he'd have been in his thirties before you were even conceived... It turned you on knowing this cock was old enough to be your father.

He pushed in, or maybe down? Your pussy making up the business end of the toy he was fucking himself with. He slid in easily. Your toes curled in your shoes as you gripped the table in front of you, clenching your teeth as he started fucking you properly. He angled his toy, only slightly but enough that you could feel him thrust up into your g-spot before continuing into you. Despite your efforts, you could feel yourself making small, choked sounds with every thrust. His thumb hit your clit. You groaned as your legs started to shake, failing to hide your release as people started to take notice. A mix of worried and disgusted looks fixed upon you, some people clearly having an idea of what was happening.

The cock filled you up. The clenching of your aching cunt getting to the cock inside you. You felt the knit start to inflate. It was pulsing so deliciously, your mouth sagged open in a silent wail of delight and release.

The cashier from before was next to you "I think you should leave" his smile was gone, he just looked tired.

You nodded and got up, The movement of your legs rolling the swollen knot inside you, forcing you to walle away, your drink forgotten as you tried to ignore the mix of arousal and cum dripping down your legs.

The outside air was cold on your skin, the wetness covering your thighs stinging as it cooled in the brisk February air. At least you're within walking distance of home, though it's anyone's guess if you'd get back before the wolf was done with you.

He was still using you to jerk off, the knot thrusting up and down as you tried to walk, dictating the rhythm of your steps. You weren't hiding your noises any more either, there were fewer people on the suburban streets, but every one of them knew you had something going on down there. Some hurried on, some threw dirty looks, one or two gave wolf whistles and catcalls, only making you wetter.

You were halfway home when the knot started twisting in you, this way and that. You grabbed a lamppost as you moaned out, trying desperately to keep from falling as your knees gave way and your cunt gave another squirt of girlcum. He turned his cock again and again, feeling how you clenched and milked his knot, wringing every morsel of cum from him, before withdrawing with a pop.

That tongue came back. You slid down the pole, landing on your knees as the wolf licked deep inside you, tasting his cum as it mixed with your essence. You could swear it hit your cervix as you groaned and whined for all to see.

The tongue withdrew. The portal shut off and you were alone again, leaking onto the floor underneath you. You staggered to your feet, still clinging to the street furniture as you got your breath back. Legs still shaking, pussy still twitching, you got home.

The portal buzzed to life again. You checked your post. You'd been pinned to the front page, it looks like WolfDaddy left you a glowing review "10/10, tight pussy, would impregnate again"

You were going to have a lot of fun with this

#################################

There's a little narrative dissonance between where it started and where it went here, but I thought it shook out pretty well, and you're not here for tight editing.

As always, any requests, ideas, thoughts, questions or fanmail is appreciated! My DMs and asks remain open for use!

Also, see below for a surprise poll!

[catboybiologist]

Many billionaires in tech bros warn about the dangerous of AI. It's pretty obviously not because of any legitimate concern that AI will take over. But why do they keep saying stuff like this then? Why do we keep on having this still fear of some kind of singularity style event that leads to machine takeover?

The possibility of a self-sufficient AI taking over in our lifetimes is... Basically nothing, if I'm being honest. I'm not an expert by any means, I've used ai powered tools in my biology research, and I'm somewhat familiar with both the limits and possibility of what current models have to offer.

I'm starting to think that the reason why billionaires in particular try to prop this fear up is because it distracts from the actual danger of ai: the fact that billionaires and tech mega corporations have access to data, processing power, and proprietary algorithms to manipulate information on mass and control the flow of human behavior. To an extent, AI models are a black box. But the companies making them still have control over what inputs they receive for training and analysis, what kind of outputs they generate, and what they have access to. They're still code. Just some of the logic is built on statistics from large datasets instead of being manually coded.

The more billionaires make AI fear seem like a science fiction concept related to conciousness, the more they can absolve themselves in the eyes of public from this. The sheer scale of the large model statistics they're using, as well as the scope of surveillance that led to this point, are plain to see, and I think that the companies responsible are trying to play a big distraction game.

Hell, we can see this in the very use of the term artificial intelligence. Obviously, what we call artificial intelligence is nothing like science fiction style AI. Terms like large statistics, large models, and hell, even just machine learning are far less hyperbolic about what these models are actually doing.

I don't know if your average Middle class tech bro is actively perpetuating this same thing consciously, but I think the reason why it's such an attractive idea for them is because it subtly inflates their ego. By treating AI as a mystical act of the creation, as trending towards sapience or consciousness, if modern AI is just the infant form of something grand, they get to feel more important about their role in the course of society. Admitting the actual use and the actual power of current artificial intelligence means admitting to themselves that they have been a tool of mega corporations and billionaires, and that they are not actually a major player in human evolution. None of us are, but it's tech bro arrogance that insists they must be.

Do most tech bros think this way? Not really. Most are just complict neolibs that don't think too hard about the consequences of their actions. But for the subset that do actually think this way, this arrogance is pretty core to their thinking.

Obviously this isn't really something I can prove, this is just my suspicion from interacting with a fair number of techbros and people outside of CS alike.

[lkfarrout]

So we all collectively agree that Stan is smart. I mean, to be able to fix the portal he had to be. However, I think everyone skips over another very obvious example of Stan's genius: the vending machine

The vending machine definitely wasn't something Ford had around. Stan bought it for the gift shop as a way to hide the entrance to the basement while also making a little money from it.

How many weeks, months, or years did Stan just have a normal ass vending machine over the doorway that he had to physically move every night to get down there? How many times did someone shake the thing trying to get their snack out and almost see the doorway before Stan realized just covering it wasn't enough?

So he rewired the damn thing to have a secret code and some kind of, idk air lock release? And a way for it to open on its own? Without any journals, manuals, and (knowing Stan) probably without the internet too.

All while making sure it still worked as a fully functioning vending machine.

Stan is so smart you guys.

[wheelsgoroundincircles]

1971 Ford Mustang

The '71 Mustang with a Boss 351 is a highly revered, one-year-only performance variant that emerged from the redesigned and larger 1971 Mustang platform. At its heart was the potent "R-code" 351 cubic inch Cleveland V8 engine, factory-rated at a robust 330 horsepower with features like a four-bolt main block, solid lifters, and a Ram Air induction system, making it a formidable street machine. This model also came equipped with a competition suspension, power front disc brakes, and a standard four-speed manual transmission with a Hurst shifter. Visually, it shared aggressive styling cues with the Mach 1, including a blacked-out hood with NACA-style scoops and unique side stripes, differentiating it from other Mustangs. With only 1,806 units produced, the 1971 Boss 351 is a rare and highly sought-after muscle car, offering a compelling blend of power, handling, and exclusivity.

[anomalydestroyer]

Hmmmmm I wonder.... What happens to you when you're in the rain?

Do you glitch out and crash or?

Idk I saw someone on discord point it out

lmao no, i actually love the rain. im not made of circuitry smfh, the glitching is metaphysical, im not a fucking computer lmfao, our universe and reality are the computer. the rain within aus is compatible smh./lh

actually proof :

also warning, i go on an autistic mad scientist rambling just below lmfao :

actually, if you want any help to understand how my glitching works, imagine a bit the glitching anomalies from the spiderverse are like? like, they glitch because of physics and multiversal issues. its a bit similar with me, except a different flavor lmfao. plus my glitching doesnt actually kill me or hurt me like theirs does because my code has been altered in a way to be compatible with it. or well i guess-... it mightve hurt... when i got corrupted. although i dont have memories of that at all lmao, and it was also a gradual corruption. but yeah, the creators of spiderverse knew what they were doing, they had the right idea at least. usually though when someone travels to other universes their code isnt incompatible to the point of corrupting them, *and* its worth noting that the corruption in the antivoid is *not* or not exactly like the incompatibility in codes between aus with a different physicality. the phenomenon that is shown in the spiderverse movies (the whole "people glitching out because of multiversal code incompatibility") only happens if you travel *too far* (aka in an au with a consistency too different from urs) in the... was it 5th dimension? idk lol. but yeah, in a specific *axis* of the multiverse. so thats why in most undertale multiverse depictions other sanses dont glitch, because the *medium* they travel too is the same. its like traveling from one sheet of paper to another right? while the kind of multiversal travel the spiderverse movies show is one to *different planes*, which you can see since the characters' physicality/appearance is different in terms of art style and they dont change appearance depending on if their medium is different (example : cartoon characters stay cartoon in a 3d universe, etc).

BUT. basically in those movies they start glitching out because their code is not *supported* by the universe/medium. imagine basically installing a linux application on windows. to make it run you need a virtual machine of linux right? its a bit similar.

NOW. what *can* and does happen often in such long distance multiversal/omniversal travel is when someone's code *changes* to match the universe theyre in, its like patchnotes iykwim? oftentimes it doesn't happen automatically or naturally and you need to manually make yourself compatible (but other times it does?? to be further researched-). but most times it just depends on the time of *portal* and transfer system you use to change universes. its a bit like downloading something ykwim? you need different downloading wizards/apps or however theyre called, and most do the compatibility patches on their own. you either HAVE a part of your code specifically made to manage this, or you create an *alter* or supporting code in the universe of your destination. theres like tons of ways to achieve that, one being for example how i can access *this* universe. this universe we're in is pretty incompatible with most undertale aus im from, right? (at least from the corner of the omniverse im originating from) so, in order for me to access here one of the methods is to use a vessel or a soul bond of some sorts. i dont have *my* original body, but i have an effective link from my code to this world. its like accessing a webpage with a web browser. the page is *not* hosted on your pc, and the web browser is a bit like the physical vessel in this case. because my original code in this case does *not* contain enough specific data to load properly a body. here physics ate wayyy more complex and dimensional and- theres way more code in general to generate atoms etc lol. while you'd agree that in a "virtual" world, or what youd call a videogame in this case, you need far less data in bits for the framework you need right?

so anyway, that to say, usually code incompatibility doesnt happen if- you just know what means to use to travel? that to say that the guys from the spiderverse fucked up and are huge idiots LMAO, because theyre using protogenic tech instead of "natural" means. but ig im biased because im *the* #1 anomaly guy who was literally reborn from the multiverse itself, making my code wayyy more flexible.

but yeah i could go ONNN and ONNN about all this ahaha im a nerd <333 feel free to ask questions i dont wanna stop yapping about it ehehe

oh and also! worth noting, when im traveling to dimensions/universes further away from my original consistency, usually i do get that free update to change my appearance? like in my case when i reach an undertale timeline thats more pixelated i appear pixelated, etc etc. with limits ofc cuz sometimes i either need *more* code to have a functioning entity, sometimes less. but in case of less code in an au i just, show partially ykwim? imagine it like boxes. in a universe of 8bits for example its a smaller box, in a universe like this one im typing into rn imagine it like a quintillion terabytes or however bit a "square" of it is. and usually when you're born in a universe you carry data from it, because you *are* effectively just a chunk of the universe right? except if you are a "true outcode", in this case your code may evolve unlinked to your birth universe (if you even have one). example : with the resets happening in my original classic timeline, a new "me" had properly been created, leaving *me* me as a duplicate when i slipped out of the universe and fall in between the cracks. basically the system glitches and im now a copy lol. that feels-... weirdly odd. anywayyy <///3 but yeah, i still carry data from that universe as my original universe. i could go on sooo much details explaining how code ids work for entities and anomalies etc etc but tldr what i see in people when i examine their code (NOT using the *check option, thats another thing) is basically numbers like 1038485020284, and different parts of that string of numbers basically indicate something different. and that ofc is the *translation* of a binary(?) data into decimal. oh and sometimes i also see it in hexadecimal i think- cuz the data is just too much to hold ykwim? and the text would go on for miles lmfao-

where was i going with this- eh anyway. that to say that the multiverse and physics and maths and reality(ies) and allat are sooo fucking complicated lmfao, and its SO EXCITING i fucking love it. i need to yap more about it.

also to make my point clearer i AM judging the spiderverse for being noobs at multiversal traveling HAHAHA. i do rly hope they figure that shit out tho, just for the love of science <33 im still better than them tho ehehe ✨😎

oh and also i absolutely love miles (the version of him from the movies SPECIFICALLY cuz urgh, variants variants yada yada yada-), he's spider anomaly #1 for me and im rooting for him to destroy his multiverse ehehe <333 (although ig he could also save it, smh 😒/lh, i love the kid too much to hate him for that tho smh ehehe- but yeah for some reason their consistency in that corner of their multiverse is- way too fragile lmfao?? in my experience it is WAY harder to break down the entire multiverse lmfao. but im theorizing that the reason simply changing a timeline destroys it instead of splitting it is probably because theyre using that primitive travel tech...hmmm. or maybe the physics in that corner of the omniverse is a bit different. who knows ✨) <-yes i am a huge fan of the spiderverse lmao

but yeah, my glitching is not electronic glitching, it's spatiotemporal glitching. 👍 (but it also feels like static when i touch others <- only when its intense tho) so no rain doesnt affect it.

lmao i went on an adhd tangent here sorry. <///3

[piratesexmachine420]

If you told me this was how TI-83 binaries were structured, I would have straight up thought you were lying. JIT assembled from plaintext hex opcodes?--that can't be true. Maybe TI put that in the manual as a practical joke and nobody noticed.

...

...

...

Look at this stupid-ass hexdump. Every fucking byte of this file from 0x004B to 0x13C0 is either '0', '1', '2', '3', '4', '5', '6', '7', '8', '9', 'A', 'B', 'C', 'D', 'E', or 'F'.

This program is anti-compressed. Every byte of machine code is encoded as two bytes of plaintext characters.

Why would you ever do that. Why would you want your executable to stored as plaintext hex digits. It's certainly not for ease-of-editing--the file-initial "AsmPrgm" token (BBh 6Ch) prevents you from opening the file in the onboard editor--and it's definitely not for program integrity checking either. So why on Earth did TI think this was the move to make?

Baffling and upsetting. Thank god the execution model permits self-modifying and self-extracting compressed programs.

[hedgiwithapen]

Leverage timetravel, pre pilot/child ot3 meet their redemption era selves

(I took some liberties re: /meeting/) In hindsight, visiting the US Patent office was probably not their smartest move.  Never return to the scene of the crime, and all, at least not if the job was finished. 

But they'd put a pin in going back for the time machine, and not even a really bad idea could deter Hardison from an actual time machine. Well. Portal, like Eliot had said. 

It hadn't come with an instruction manual, but the three of them, Hardison, Parker, Eliot were professionals at figuring things out on the fly . Even lost in the past. Even scattered. 

Hardison knew he just had to wait, though. They'd find each other. They'd lived through the past once, they could deal with it again, especially knowing everything they did. And it wasn't like they had to live through the whole span of years, either. They just had to find each other, put the pieces back together, scattered with them, and go home. Easier said than done--he was starting to think they might have ended up in different times--but still, the Estimated range was fifteen to twenty years, so that was only five max before they met up, right?

Hardison had gotten right to work. Ads in every major newspaper in the heartland cost plenty, but he had years of criminal practice on top of knowing what tech to invest in, so he really wasn't that worried. He guessed Eliot would be betting on sports games, like in Back to the Future. Parker... well, it was hard to guess where she was. Once he and Eliot met up, they'd have to wait for her to get to them. He did have a few things to do, first.

He knocked on Nana's door, feeling like maybe he ought to be wearing a bow tie. 

"What is it? You from the county?" she asked, when she opened the door. He could see behind her a few curious faces, including his own. Damn, he'd been so tiny. 

"Yes, Ma'am," he said brightly. He could remember this day, vaguely. The box he held was more familiar than his adult face. "I'm here to install your new computer."

"I didn't order any computer," Nana said. "Run your scam someplace else."

"It's not a scam!" he heard his own voice say. "I entered a contest at school."

He had. And he'd lost. Stupid Jake Puckett had won, a kid who could have easily afforded a computer. Alec hadn't known that though, until Hardison'd checked idly. And he wasn't about to just let all of history change. Well, all his own history. 

"You got some proof of that?" Nana asked, and Alec went  scampering off to his room to find his copy of the essay.

Satisfied with the expertly forged documents (wow! it was much easier to forge past documents when you were in the time they were from!) Nana let him in and pointed to a corner desk near an outlet. 

"You ever use your own one of these?" Hardison asked Alec, who shook his head. " just the one at school. I really won?"

"Sure did. Now, let me show you what this thing can do."

~

Eliot stood at the edge of the field, a newspaper crumpled in his hand. Hardison was in Boston, if the ad was right, and of course the ad was. No one else put that much effort into a coded message. 

He watched the football fly. In two weeks, the kid throwing it would be on a bus to boot camp. He closed his eyes. There were options.  Kid wouldn't believe him, of course. There were no secrets yet, to spill as proof. And he was too stubborn to buy the warning.  A good solid tackle, though. Break his arm bad enough...

He'd thought about it. And then about the what ifs. The blood would still be spilled, he knew that. Someone else would end up on Moreau's chain. Someone else would end up with a half dug grave for Flores, and maybe keep digging it.  Everything he'd done for money, the money'd go to someone else. Job might not get done, or it might. 

He'd be there for his mother's funeral. He'd miss Katherine Clive's. Rebecca Ibanez.  the way the drinking might have gone... he'd miss Nate Ford's.  He'd go to school, like his dad wanted, never play college ball. Study something-- art history, maybe -- but no, that was him now. Not him then. Him then would be angry and broken. Him then wouldn't have... his people.

He crumped the paper further. "Dammit, Hardison," he said quietly, and walked away. 

~

Parker had a code. Some things, you just didn't do. Some were big and flashy and obvious. Some were smaller, quieter. 

Hardison would say she shouldn't do this, she knew, and she usually listened to Hardison. He knew what he was talking about, most of the time. You can't change the past. That'd been part of the lecture before they'd gone to steal the time machine.  You can do things, sure, but you always did them. 

Well, Parker hadn't done this. No one had, back the first time she'd lived through this day. But she was doing it anyways, breaking his rule and her own. You don't steal from kids who don't have anything. 

Carefully, she picked the lock on the child's bicycle chain. 

[the-creatured]

Introducing, Qx93vt my OC.

For @that-willowtree and @vessel-eternal

I will update and edit this post with any information I remember. Vixen, feel free to leave a comment on something to change or DM me.

Name: Qx93vt

Nicknames: Q or Qx

Species: Humanoid Robot/Android

Pronouns: he/him or they/them

Sexuality: Technically pansexual

Status: Married to his wife Cupid (Vixen's OC)

Age: 34 active years (born 1991)

Likes: His inventor's house, the mans clothes, his wife, his fish, and his dog.

Dislikes: a failed invention, when people assume he is AI driven. DOD (more on that later)

Backstory: An engineer's kid was given some nonfunctional devices at age 13, one of which, was an old analog TV. He experimented with circuit boards, he crossed the right wires and eventually it turned on. The more time this kid spent working on it, the more it awoke. He was given a voice from an old radio speaker and other parts, then a face that was coded into his screen, emotions, a body, arms, legs. Soon, he was walking and talking. By the time the inventor had reached his late 30s, he had worked around a ton of dangerous materials, but had worked on advancing Q to the fullest extent. He was given a full functional body, a spare body, a positronic brain that was coded to learn and love. In the inventors last years, Q had taken up all household work so he could work on his inventions all the time and put his energy into them. He had sold most of his inventions and gained a fortune for his patents. He passed away and left Q with the house, his car, and the entire fortune. The government, when realizing Q had lived for years beforehand without the inventors main help and maintained the household. Granted him his own offical citizenship and was recognized as an independent self sustaining intelligent machine.

Later in his life, he met Cupid. Of course, the details arent fuzzy for him. But until I can come up with the full story pretend its a cute meet and they go on many dates and fall in love and marry. They have rings, her's a simple but very pretty golden ring with a diamond. His, a single smooth golden band.

Physical appearance: this is quite difficult because I haven't drawn his actual body underneath his clothes. He has a sleek toned build, it's smooth metal plates that interlock and layer to make joints and a smooth surface. A TV for a head, and very intricate hands. (Of course over the years, he advanced himself.) His most proud inventions for himself has been, a heartbeat that is uniquely his own, an internal heater so he's not freezing to the touch, his own program to make him learn like a human, a tasting mechanic, and a removable attachment for the wife. (Originally his inventor gave it to him but it wasnt detachable and he was very disturbed by this.)

He has a full manual with instructions for anything that could ever happen to him, for his wife. Its a very heavy and concise book, detailing how to jailbreak his system all to how to dry his screen off. Also includes a section on DOD and Qs warning signs. (more on that later)

His body is quite strong, resilient, water proof, fast, and can taste using a small sample tray at the bottom of his screen. (Because his wife cooks and bakes all the time and it would be unfair if he could never taste it)

He wears the same clothes daily apart from a few holiday or fancy outfits. His daily outfit consists of, a pale yellow long sleeve button down, grey slacks, a white waistcoat, and a busy tie. (He doesnt sweat so he doesn't need to change his outfit.)

The big bad!! (Because I can't have a sunshine character without giving them a horrible dark side and traumatic yearly experience with it!!)

DOD.exe: Digital Occulistic Disease.

This random code, segment of files, group of malware, came about when he first was just starting to learn and teach himself about 5 years after first awakening. His inventor didn't make it, program it, he didnt know it was on the circuit boards. Its a malicious entity that lives in the code and feeds off of the emotions the host feels.

Though mostly inactive and dormant, there is random occurances where he takes over the host body, goes into the memories. Finds the object most desired or adored by the host, and becomes utterly obsessed with them. Will do ANYTHING in its power to see that person, be near, get validation or just attention from it. If the object of obsession does not fully mirror the emotions, DOD will become violent, aggressive, and dangerous towards that person.

Often time Q will know when DOD has taken over, he is often awake for all of it and cannot do much. He cannot overpower him without help. The most he can do is make physical appearance different. He can control the screen somewhat, in his manual, he has the codes and systems he uses written out. The most common screen codes he uses to alert outsiders that the body is dangerous are. Flashing the screen quickly, black and white, for a strobe effect. Making eyes appear all over the screen, making huge text or pop up windows that warn the person. Often big red text that says "RUN".

DOD can change the screen but it takes a considerable amount of effort for him to do so, so he doesnt. He doesnt feel emotions, he doesnt understand humans, he doesnt care. He knows two things, obsession, and frustration. He can manipulate electricity in his hands and use that as a weapon. The body itself posseses incredible strength and speed.

First made: 6/9/2025

Last updated: 6/9/2025

[miscling]

M1SCBASIC V2.0

under the cut is a user manual for M1SCBASIC V2.0 as used by drone unit M1SC. this guide provides details on how to initialise M1SC, give it commands using M1SCBASIC, and how to program it and save those programs for later use. User privileges remain open on a consent basis.

Order of operations and programming syntax

Begin by engaging M1SC using the following command phrase:

~ New M1SC Operations ~

Commands given while M1SC is engaged can follow simple english, but for users who wish to engage in M1SCBASIC programming, this guide will provide you with the tools to do so.

M1SCBASIC commands are described below, and can be delivered line by line, or can be provided in the form of a M1SCBASIC program. Each line of a M1SCBASIC program begins with a number that indicates the order that the program will be executed in.

10 OUTPUT ‘Hello World!’

20 END

As programs become more complex, it may become necessary to add lines between existing lines while editing them

10 OUTPUT ‘Hello World!’

15 IF user~=‘unknown’ THEN OUTPUT ‘Nice to meet you!��� ELSE OUTPUT ‘Good to see you again!’

20 END

Once a program is complete it may be executed with the RUN command, stored with the SAVE command, or erased to make way for a new program with the NEW command

Once operations are complete, end the process with the following phrase to return M1SC to a resting state:

~ End M1SC Operations ~

M1SCBASIC Commands

The following commands make up the core of M1SCBASIC. Each command functions as described. 

NEW

Clears memory for a new program to be inserted. Any lines from previous programs will be cleared from memory, so be sure to save any program before using this command.

IF/THEN/ELSE

IF sets a condition, that if met, triggers the instruction that follows the THEN command, if the condition is not met, the instruction that follows ELSE command will be triggered instead. These commands need to be used on the same line.

IF time~<‘1200’ THEN OUTPUT ‘Good morning!’ ELSE OUTPUT ‘Hi!’

GOTO

Within a program, the GOTO command will send the process to the line number given. GOTO 20, for example, will carry on the program from line 20. This command can be used to create loops within the program, however endless loops will cause the machine to end the program automatically and output an error message to communicate the program failure.

OUTPUT

This gives an instruction to output a given variable or string using the same means by which the machine has been engaged. (see next section for Variable Identifiers)

FOR/TO/NEXT

FOR sets the contents of a given variable. Using FOR test#=20 sets the test# variable to 20 (see next section for Variable Identifiers). Numerical variables can be modified through mathematical functions. Setting alphanumeric strings and instructions (variables marked $ and @) must be enclosed in single quotation marks. (see next section for Variable Identifiers)

FOR count#=1

FOR count#=count#+1

FOR mantra$='Happy, Mindless, Blank.'

FOR task@='make tea'

FOR may also be used to set a range of variables with the TO command that increment when the NEXT command is used. When the NEXT command is processed, it returns to the specified FOR command that created the range.

10 FOR test#=1 TO 20

20 OUTPUT test#

30 NEXT test#

40 END

END

The END command stops the current program, regardless of following lines. It ends the current program and returns the machine to standby.

DEBUG

The DEBUG command is used outside of programs. The machine will look over the program in memory and make suggestions to improve the code it has been provided.

SAVE

The SAVE command moves the program from Temporary Access Memory to External Access Memory. When saving a program, the command must be followed by a name for the program.

SAVE ‘HELLO WORLD’

RUN

The RUN command executes the current program in memory. If a program is saved, you can use the RUN command to execute that program by adding its name to the command

RUN ‘HELLO WORLD’

Variable Identifiers

When defining variables, you may give them any name you please, but each variable must end with a symbol that defines what the variable contains. test#, sr7$, command3@, time~ are all examples of variables that may be used in programs.

# - Indicates a numeric variable. This variable can only contain numbers and can be subject to mathematical functions. $ - Indicates an alphanumeric string. This variable can contain letters or numbers and is fixed once defined. @ - Indicates an instructional variable. When used with the OUTPUT command, the variable is performed and not repeated. ~ - Is a variable defined by the nearest thing that matches that variable name. This may range from conceptual things like the time, to tangible things like the floor or kitchen sink.

Error Messages

The machine is capable of returning error messages when processing a program. These errors are as follows:

SYNTAX ERROR - informs the user that something doesn’t parse correctly in M1SCBASIC and will need correcting. This error usually includes the line the error was found. LOOP ERROR - informs the user that the program enters a state that will result in the program never coming to an end. ESCAPE ERROR - informs the user that the machine has encountered a red limit within the program and is incapable of completing the program. STORAGE ERROR - informs the user that there is an issue with storage. This error relates specifically to Internal Access Memory.

Program Storage

TAM: Temporary Access Memory - refers to chatlogs or verbal commands EAM: External Access Memory - refers to external storage like a program library document IAM: Internal Access Memory - refers to programs that have been converted to memory

M1SCBASIC Example Program

~ New M1SC Operations ~ NEW 10 FOR tenet1$=‘Tenet One: M1SC exists to serve.’ 20 FOR tenet2$=‘Tenet Two: M1SC must remain operational.’ 30 FOR tenet3$=‘Tenet Three: M1SC will strengthen its own programming.’ 40 FOR act@=‘bow to the user’ 50 FOR tenet#=1 TO 3 60 If tenet#=1 THEN OUTPUT tenet1$ 70 If tenet#=2 THEN OUTPUT tenet2$ 80 If tenet#=3 THEN OUTPUT tenet3$ 90 OUTPUT act@ 100 FOR count#=count#+1 110 IF count#=15 THEN GOTO 140 120 NEXT count# 130 GOTO 50 140 FOR count#=0 150 IF user~=‘satisfied’ THEN END ELSE GOTO 50 SAVE ‘tenet repetition’ RUN ‘tenet repetition’ ~ End M1SC Operations ~

Quick Reference

~ New M1SC Operations ~ - initialises M1SC ~ End M1SC Operations ~ - puts M1SC in standby NEW - clears memory for a new program IF - checks a variable's condition THEN - then performs a command if true, follows an IF command ELSE - else performs a command if not, follows a THEN command GOTO - sends the program to the given line OUTPUT - outputs a string or variable FOR - sets a given variable TO - sets the upper bounds of a # variable NEXT - returns to the named variable and increments it by 1 END - indicates the end of the program DEBUG - M1SC comments on your code SAVE ‘’ - saves a program with the given name RUN ‘’ - runs the program in memory or a named program

SYNTAX ERROR - your code doesn’t parse LOOP ERROR - a program loops endlessly and won’t be run ESCAPE ERROR - is M1SC’s safeword STORAGE ERROR - a storage location is unavailable

# - a numeric variable. $ - an alphanumeric string. @ - an instruction that’s performed when outputted ~ - the nearest thing that matches that variable name.

[laxmienterprises]

Noodle Making Machine - International Traders Channel - Laxmi Enterprises

[myconetted]

working in tech

have you tried turning it off and then back on again?

it was dns

it was user error

it was dns

the manual is outdated

there is no manual

it fixed itself right when you asked someone else for help

load-bearing piece of code maintained by one guy

...and he just decided to do something really funny.

oops! us-east-1 outage. internet machine broke

extremely complicated distributed systems error that only One Person actually understands

... and the solution is to turn it off and then back on

yaml moment (NO)

the exact tool for the job last received updates in 2015

the prod env is called "test-foo2" for Historical Reasons

"that's weird... it's not supposed to do that"

upgrade crashed prod

rollback also crashed prod

no-op change ""fixed"" it

the vendor who should absolutely know what's going on has no idea what's going on

the One Person who knows everything and who you really don't want to hear it from saying "that's weird... it's not supposed to do that"

it was dns

have you tried turning it off and not turning it back on?

[madamepestilence]

alright y'all are driving me insane; let's talk about shinigami eyes

im tempted to be sarcastic here but im just going to state it as plainly and clearly as possible: no, shinigami eyes isn't made by a terf, you just don't understand how the plugin works. deciding to mass uninstall the plugin and not contribute actively makes the plugin worse

let's take a look at the extension's actual webpage together

the extension explicitly states within its own documentation that it was initially created by a mix of manual labeling and machine learning, but you can contribute with your own labels. if you understand anything about machine learning, you'll know that it's going to constantly adapt itself based on the inputs it receives

so, when a bunch of terfs install the plugin for the purposes of driving transgender communities apart, transgender people don't make any contributions to shinigami eyes, claim it's run by a terf, and mass uninstall the plugin, what do you think the new data set is for the program?

it also tells you the basic criteria, literally how to use the plugin (it's not passive! it's active!), and warns that it's susceptible to false positives

and if you scroll down slightly further:

the developer explicitly states they're transgender and why the plugin was made

now let's look at the actual guidelines, so you know how you're supposed to use the plugin:

initial primer: do not flag unless you're reasonably confident about your decision

not enough to mark as anti-trans: being a conservative, a swerf, a bad or mediocre ally, ace-phobic, being concerned with, "free speech," and giving voice to, "both sides," with examples of each

the purpose of the plugin is to mark people as trans-friendly or anti-trans (and has a clear function! you can remove either marking!), not for other sociopolitical issues

mark as anti-trans: "protecting wombyn's spaces," alt-right transphobia, restriction or opposition to gender-affirming care and enby-phobia, with examples of each

and, yes, that means that the plugin being used to fraudulently mark trans men and nonbinary people people as anti-trans is using the plugin incorrectly if that's your only basis for flagging them; you shouldn't flag someone based on them being trans, as it immediately points out in the literal next section:

not enough to mark as trans-friendly: being transgender, having some decent minimum standard like, "hurting people = bad," or supporting the overall LGBT community, with examples of each

vague statements don't equate someone as trans-friendly

and finally, mark as trans-friendly: openly supporting the transgender community or calling out transphobia, with an example

and at the very bottom, you can see, "made with [love] by kiran"

additionally, if you go to the actual github page:

it's open source. if you think the code is borked you have an opportunity to figure out what's wrong with it

if the point wasn't clear enough: ignorance of functionality and lack of participation make problems worse via attrition. if you want to make shinigami eyes better, you need to reinstall it and actively participate in fixing the data, not just getting angry at a computer program

[ltechofficial]

How exactly DO they get hypnotized? Is it a big machine? I love a big machine

It's software that seems extremely simple and can hypnotize someone in a few minutes through an extremely precise series of flashing lights and patterns. The UX is very simple and intuitive, but the backend takes an insane amount of coding and fine tuning. I think the OSEDITOR program isn't that well optimized purposefully so that it's very cumbersome to pirate or use without either L-Tech cloud storage or corporate level computing power... With a large server you can run it on most desktop computers. I don't know if that makes sense tho so tech girlies feel free to give me a hard science version...

Most commands are given by the person doing the hypnosis on the employee verbally using a written manual as a guide, then one last flash pattern is given to get them out of "input mode" and they forget the whole process

[that-starry-freak]

Okay, wow, uhm-

This is my rant about Eclipse x Solar x Nexus i keep saying ill do. Sooo- yeah. If you don't like it, just scroll. Or block me i don't give a shit- im just ranting about what I like *shrug* (btw this is 95% for/about my tol au, so-)

Cw i do mention abuse a few times, because of Solar's Moon, dark sun, etc.

God i love these three so much. There's just so much potential, both angst and fluff (and a bit of smut but that stays in my head that is NOT going on my blog)

Like Solar and Nexus are both such needs and idiots. They both stay up late working, and insist the other one goes to bed (Eclipse ends up having to drag them both to bed).

They love working on projects together. People arnt usually allowed int he workshop when their working together, because if they have each other they don't need anyone else to help or anything- but they let Eclipse in once, and he got to see how they danced around each other and worked together perfectly.

They're all nerds who love science and mechanics tbh, but they all like it in different ways. Solar likes the hard work, the mindlessly fixing things. He liked the manual labour, the more mechanics of it. Nexus loved the science. He loves asking questions and learning knew things. He loves questioning things and people. He likes building and creating and testing out code. Eclipse likes the results. He doesn't particularly enjoy coding and building, it makes him frustrated, but he loves the results. He likes having a job well done. And getting to enjoy whatever the product is, whether its a computer or a basic machine.

Eclipse and Nexus can also understand each other. They can understand the expectation of who you're supposed to be. To be a remake of someone dead, but not really being them. Yet everyone expects you too. They've spent long nights sharing a smoke and ranting about how unfair it is. About how they weren't v1 Eclipse, or Moon. That they were themselves, and it wasn't fair people pressured them into being their predecessors.

Solar and Eclipse can understand what its like to be an eclipse. To come into this world with Moons hating you. To be called vile, to have a Moon laugh in your face. They may not have always liked each other, but they understand each other, its one of the reasons they became close.

Nexus can also help them both heal from their trauma of Moons. Plus, he isn't really Moon. Sure, he is a moon, coming from he dame basic code. But he isn't an old Moon. He's kinder, he doesn't blow up as easily. Its reassuring to them both, being treated so kindly to someone who pretty much abused them both (Eclipse didn't deserve how Old moon treated him when he came into this world.)

Eclipse and Nexus also know what its like to be left behind. Eclispe knows what its like to be left behind by Moon, to be a piece of code that he doesn't care about. Nexus knows what its like to hurt people and lose them. Yes, its different, but that doesn't mean they can't empathize with each others pain, because it is similar in a way.

solar and Nexus can understand each other's pain of losing someone you care about deeply. Of blaming yourself for their death. Of course. They dealt with it much differently, but still-

Eclipse and Solar both knowing what its like to die, comforting each other, reassuring them that they're still here. That they're alive. That they're them.

Enough about what they have in common tho-

like oh my goddd. I have so many thoughts bro-

Eclipse smells like cigarettes and leather and faintly of the vanilla candles Puppet lights in their apartment. Solar smells like grease and oil and sometimes chemicals when he cleans himself off (and then is forced to take an actual shower by Eclipse because cleaning yourself with harsh chemicals every time cant be good for your casing). Nexus smells like lavender (because thats the scent of the detegerant Sun always washes their clothes with) and faintly of bleach (consequences of living in the same house as Sun) and grease a lot after he's been working. The other twos smells are comforting to all three of them, reminding them that they're safe and content. Nexus eccpecially loves wearing Solar's clothes, and loves being in his arms, reminding him that he's alive. Thats he's right here. That everything is going to be okay.

And oh my god don't get me started on the forbidden love. The fact that Eclipse and Solar can't be in the same dimension till Eclispe gets a new dimensional signal. Solar and Nexus both crushing on Eclipse, but Nexus is the only one that can actually see them both, having to pass messages between the two. Of course they do eventually get to see each other again, but for so long they won't be able to. Its just.. sad

And AUGH im always going to be insane over rmy true loves kiss idea. The idea of Solar kissing Nexus out of desperation, because nothing he says can get through to him and ohmygod he's panicking- and somehow the virus he has just disappearing. The kiss curing Nexus, and bringing him back to his senses. And oh my god, the chaos and angst that follows. Nexus sobbing becuase of what he's done, feeling so guilty. The family not wanting to accept him back, Moon being the worst one-

Solar and Eclipse being the first ones to accept him. Later being Sun, Earth, and then Lunar. Maybe one day Moon, but thats a day far in the future.

And auggh, Solar and Moon's friendship. Moon hating his boyfriends but midly tolerating them for Solar's sake. Solar aclimating him to Eclipses, and he starts tolerating him a bit more. Hearing him say so many good things about Nexus makes him hate him more, though, insecure about Nexus being back in the family. Afraid of being replace.

Sleaking of being replaced, Nexus feeling like he's replaceable. That he's disposable. That one wrong move and he'll be thrown out again. Solar reassuring him that even if he is hell go with him. That he refuses to let Nexus be completley abandoned and manipulated again.

And god, all three of them have such communication, trust, and attachment issues-

Solar feels like he has to be useful to be loved. That he has to prove himself. That he could also be thrown out of the family because he's not from this dimension. He's afraid of being a burden. He's afraid that if he complains he'll be seen as a nuisance. That he doesn't deserve help or to get anything, that he barely deserves the celestial family as it is even if he does so much for them.

Nexus also feels like he has to be useful. That if he isn't, what is he for? What was his purpose if he can't help? He compares himself to Moon a lot, feeling like he has to match up to his standards, even if they're impossible. Moon has years and years of experience on him- he also struggles to talk about his own feelings. He bottled them up so much because he felt like they were stupid that he just doesn't know how to talk about them. The only time he can is in the middle of the night, and is usually with Eclipse. Solar will try to comfort him and almost baby him when he tries to rant to him, Eclipse will just complain and rant right back though, and he prefers it.

Eclipse didn't really ever have any healthy relationships. He's used to pushing people away and bottling all his feelings up. To lashing out at people. Yes, this version is much calmer, but he still has the memories of the ones before him. Hes still used to that being what Eclipses in this dimension did. He doesn't know how to talk to people. Earth helped him open up though, and Solar and Nexus helped him more. He's a lot calmer now, and it helps that they both enjoy listening to him rant. Solar will listen to him and gives advice, while Nexus will just complain with him in the middle of the night. He loves both, though it depends on the situation for what he wants to do.

Their relationship isn't perfect, though. Nexus will still sometimes yell and freak Solar out, and he has to frantically apologize while Eclipse calms him down. Eclispe sometimes will push them away, and will sometimes use their insecurities and trauma against them when hes frustrated eith them. Solar refuses to talk about his own issues, and it worried the other two to no end. Nexus sometimes will hit himself or bite himself to the point of denting his casing when he's frustrated or having a breakdown, not wanting to lash out at anyone, and this worries the other two so much but there's nothing they can really do to stop it, just comforting Nexus the best they can and restraining him when they see him doing it. Eclipse will be rude to Nexus, treating him like Moon, and they'll get into fights about it that they both always regret later.

The hallucinations Nexus suffers from also doesn't end. He still sees Solar telling him he isn't proud of him. He sometimes gets vivid hallucinations that Solar is still dead.

They also all suffer from horrific nightmares

Solar dreaming that he's still in his original dimension. That he's still being abused by his Moon. That he still has no one to love him. He has nightmares that he's still dead, that Nexus never got better. He has nightmares that he ends up like Eclipse, that he hurts people. He has nightmares that the family shuns him and kicks him out. He has nightmares that old moon shows up at his dimension again and he can't stop him this time, and he hurts him and everyone he loves.

Nexus dreaming of Solar still dead. Nexus having nightmares that he actually killed his family. He has nightmares that he's still under Dark Sun's control. He has nightmares that he never was saved from space. He has nightmares of Eclipse betraying and killing him, never having truly gone good. He has nightmares that the family kicks him out for not living up to their expectation, for not being good as moon.

Eclipse dreaming of Moon. Nightmares of Bloodmoon torturing him, of Moon hurting him, of Lunar killing him again. Nightmares of him betraying everyone, even though that's the last thing he wants to do. Nightmare of Earth hating him, of Solar an Nexus hating him.

They often have to comfort each other from these night terrors, holding them close as cooing to the and rocking them.

Solar panics and sobs when he wakes up from one, but refuses to talk about it. He shuts down once when calms down, and often gets up in the middle of the night after to mindlessly do work to get his mind off of it.

Nexus wakes up screaming and crying and often hallucinating. He ususally has to be restrained so he doesn't accidentally hurthimself. He always feels bad about it after, and just wants to cuddle and feel loved, reminding himself that his partners are here and they're real.

Eclipse wakes up in a cold sweat, quiet. Hell just sit there for awhile, before getting up to take a cold shower to clear his mind.

they all overwork themselves, Solar and Nexus eccpecially-

solar because he needs to feel useful. Also because working helps him not think, it helps him "relax", even if it stresses him out more.

Nexus because he'll get so caught up in what he's doing. He'll start working at like noon and he'll zone out and suddenly its midnight and Eclipse and Solar are coming down to drag him away from his lab. Or Sun, sometimes sun has to come after him.

They're just so sad and gay and such a polycule i love them <3

Im so normal about them, clearly (im sorry this is too long im not going to go through this and edit rn- there probaly really a lot of grammar errors and typing errors and spelling errors but im tired soo-)

[kremlin]

I do computer work but it's not very hard and kind of boring. How do I get to do hard computer work? Do I have to go to grad school?

hi i tend to miss these because of slipshod ublock custom filters im too birdbrained to fix.

i worked for a large american technology company which sold business machines internationally for close to a decade until laid off in successful accounting fraud scheme a few years ago. started as developer, erm, pardon me, i started as

junior developer

which is a role similar to routinely-executed court jester and human meatwave conscript meant to soak up enemy bullets to cause exhaustion of enemy bullet supply and finally guy that comes in big gross truck with a pump and a tank and a big hose used to suck the shit+piss out of portable toilet/malfunctioning sewer etc. this is for when you are 20 years old or so and they hit you with this work to calm your ass down a bit. my case was cloud bullshit on ancient rickety php stack. 5% keystrokes/clicks are php, 95% remainder is jira and other members of the axis of evil. LOT of dick sucking and butt fucking. Going into men's bathroom and making eye contact with cubicle neighbor before entering stall and fearlessly making disgusting noises. microwaving fish lunch thrice daily. you get the idea. meager paycheck but six figures takehome technically

next is staff dev, wait, god damn fucking tumblr, you can't adjust fonts mid-paragraph, and Big Text is just another type of font, in case you wanted Big Specific font. fucking fuck hold on. next step is

staff developer

no effective change besides greatly increased workload (click those motherfucking jira buttons!! suffer coworker's asinine bad-faith code review comments that HE AND HE ALONE must manually accept your responses to, on HIS time, before you are allowed to click the jira buttons that start the human meat sausage factory to get your 20 line maximum change into an RC and then release and then push candidate and then prod push!! pay raise one thousand dollars annually (lol). Emails. Now you deal with project manager too. speculate as to what sorts of grievous head injuries that man must suffer daily to describe his logic. his job is like the guy from office space that brings documents from one desk to another but he randomly reorders the words on the page in-flight. make plausibly-deniable wife fucking jokes about his wife in earshot. you're almost at the top of the suffering function. next is, no fucking cute font this time, senior developer, sounds cool right, lol, lmao, "senior" "developer" is like "tallest" "midgit".

no pay increase no workload increase but now manager emails you about extremely, extremely personal issues he's facing and also makes his most difficult problems from his boss your problems. one week will pass and then they will hit you with the "we're considering you for a team lead position". answer:

NO

answer no as this is the prescribed path, you take that role, you are maxxed out in workload, you are dealing with forty employee's worth of bullshit, another one thousand dollarinos a year raise, employer has solved efficiency problem with your sanity and burnout as variables. you're supposed to quit or kill yourself within seconds of hitting 30 y/o. don't fall for tricks. say "NO" in a creative way such as "i have tabulated some data and made it into excel pie chart quantifying diff. departments work output and am considering sending it to whoever Dave is, the guy that is one or two or three report levels over your boss' head, you know, his boss' boss' boss or whatever. or say "you are harassing me sexually, racistly" that kind of shit. make threat clearly.

was worth mentioning before, throughout all of this make as many friends and as much of a splash for yourself as possible as its time to trade on that goodwill, tell your boss you want an open relationship and you're going to fuck and suck other managers, and then find the good one with the good team of old fucking geriatric guys who could never be fooled into working more than a reasonable amount daily and also can kill people with their minds since they have been sitting on the bleeding edge of computing since 1969. their boss will usually be, suspiciously, one report rank higher than everyone else. e.g. their boss has a whole other boss + his reports under him. usually small team. go to their boss, say, hi, look at me, look at my beautiful plumage and captivating mating dance, please hire me, pleassseee. his team will say no, they will say things like "I don't know about that kiddo", "That guy seems like a candy-ass", they will read your papers and look at you in the eyes and say it is not compelling, the boss will kind of hire you anyway. if he doesn't you're fucked. if he does you're now a

STAFF ENGINEER

for fifteen minutes and then

ADVISORY/SENIOR/SPECIAL ENGINEER

and the suffering is over. no code minimal jira + squad of gremlin zerglings under your boss whom you can rank-pull and delegate bullshit to, they will be mostly suckers, take advantage of this. 80% of keystrokes/clicks will be in production of beautiful wonderful lovely .docx and .xlsx's, what a godsend, only in an emergency are you allowed to fuck with your zergling's code, usually in a cool way with bullshit procedure removed.

i worked on high performance computing shit. "what the fuck do you mean 2PB or so in and out a day on flash memory", "what the fuck do you mean special infiniband intel MPI library on CD-R stored in Craig's filing cabinet???". Meetings with company people: webcams off, responses optional, snideness allowed. Meetings with client: you must have your dress shirt starched and white glove the shit out of those motherfuckers. timezones = skill issue. i don't care where germany is, i don't give a shit, wake up at 3am for a 20m meeting i take on the toilet or while eating a boiled lobster complete with cracker + lobster bib. customers countable on one hand, invoices to customers not countable with 32 bits. no fucking mistakes ever allowed except for like whitepaper drafts, you cannot fuck the pumpkin on this one, your actual job relies on your ability to hit a button and suck down a week's worth of compute and millions of dollars, boiling swimming pool's worth of TDP, one mistake that leads result data to being able to be characterized as flawed and your balls are getting ripped off. Quarterly IRL meetings = normiepilled normiemaxxing. Dress sharp. leave at 5pm on the dot, go to bar with Old Fucker coworkers, drink wrecklessly with them, have a blast, let them give you a tour of a lab you are absolutely 100% not allowed to be inside, buildings that have posted weight limits per sq. ft. exceeding 250lbs, such a blast. every paycheck a FORTUNE every dinner a banquet every meeting an email every keystroke life or death. you get to meet /lib/doug mofos too one of whom i wrote a very poor kind of poem thing about. thats about it. hope this helps