#Me: *messes up the posts order* Great I guess time has come to delete this blog

[x3kristax3]

Eternal love - Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry for such the long delay on this chapter. Between taking a break mentally on everything and getting sick I had ideas but could not right. This chapter is not exactly what i wanted for but things don't always go as planned.

Everything with Phil has been going great, it's been a fun couple of weeks going on dates and waking up next to him. I would never admit this to anyone but he is something nice to look at.  However this morning, I find myself wanting more. Phil has admitted he doesn’t want to settle down and I can’t blame him. He has a reputation to keep up in this town and as a bar owner. 

I’m home today alone and I pull out my phone. For some reason I never deleted a picture of Jake and I, you can’t see his face but I know it's him. My heart starts to break all over again. I put my phone down and go and make myself another cup of coffee trying to get my mind to focus on work.

Jakes POV: Last time I reached out to her she told me she never wanted to see or hear from me again. I can’t blame her but I have to know she’s safe. I look at my laptop and see she’s home. It's where she has been lately. I’m 200 miles away in colville to keep distance between us because if I see her face I’m going to lose it and run to her.

I take a sip of coffee as I watch my screen between tracking her and my pursuers. I’ve had little sleep but I need to make sure they stay away from her. I realized they were only close to her last time because I was so I stayed away. Everything in my heart is telling me to run to her and kiss her one more time but her safety will always be my importance. I just don’t see what she see’s in Phil still. She told me I didn’t have to worry about him and yet they are together, at least for now. 

I know guys like him, he will mess up and she will walk away. I had learned things about her and she isn’t one to give second chances. I hope I can be the expectation that once I get everything cleared up because god how I miss that smile as she looks at me with those eyes. The touch of her hands on my face that is used to being covered by this mask. She saw me and while I should be worried that someone is going to come after her I can’t let her into this life with me. That's why I ran all those weeks ago from her. I knew she would hate me for it but it was the only way I could keep her safe.

MC POV:

It’s been a couple hours and I finally got work done today, thankfully my boss hasn’t noticed me slacking lately. I keep telling myself I won’t go down the rabbit hole of finding a way to help Jake but I find myself on the dark web. He had shown me some of it when we were together so I found myself in a forum. I never post or talk to anyone but I hope to know he is okay.

I finally about to close when I see a notification pop up: “if anyone knows where Nym is or that girl he is with there is reward for him alive”

Shit, shit, shit. He’s already with someone else and they are looking for him and her. I grab my phone and I still have his number saved. I go to type something when I see he comes online and I stop. 

“No MC you are not to get caught up in his issues” I say aloud to myself. As I delete his number this time and delete the account I created in that chat form.

I take a deep breath and I call Phil up. He answers and I hear him already in the bar. “Hey love” he says.

“Hey, I was hoping to catch you before the bar opened but I guess I'm a bit late tonight.” I say sadly.

“You can always come stop by, once one of my employees comes in we can head upstairs.” I hear that sly smile of his.

“No, I should rest. Today was a rough day at work and I haven’t eaten except for drinking coffee and a protein bar,” I say with a sigh.

“I’ll make it up to you” he says as I hear him helping a customer.

‘Its okay really. I’ll come stop by in the morning tomorrow as I don’t have work.”

‘Okay see you then love, goodbye” he says as he hangs up.

“Goodbye” I say into the phone to noone.

I go and order myself some takeout and decide to do a little bit of cleaning as I throw on my favorite playlist at the moment. I hear my phone go off but I decide to ignore it. I need to stop jumping at my phone everytime it goes off. It's a bad habit I got into with Jake as I always wanted to talk to him. I hear the doorbell ring and the food is there. As I’m about to close the door a hand stops me and I see it’s Dan and Jessy.

“I tried calling you, boo,” says Dan.

“Sorry I was doing some cleaning,’ I say with a sigh as I let them in and put the food down. “What's going on?” I am concerned they are both here.

He pulls out his phone and there's a text message from an unknown sender. 

???: Tell us where nymos girl is and no one gets hurt

“I didn’t answer because I know you're not his anymore but obviously someone else didn’t get the message and you're in danger. Have you heard from hackerboy?” Dan asks.

I look at him and Jessy concerned, “no not for a couple weeks. I deleted his contact from my phone because he’s part of my past now” I say as I turn around to grab my food.

“Well someone things you're still his, MC” says Jessy.

“Well I’m NOT! I don’t care what he’s up to anymore, for all we know he could be someone new.” I yell.

Dan looks at Jessy, “what's going on? Don’t tell us anything because we know you MC.” Dan states.

“I still miss him okay! I thought he was my eternal love and he walked away from me. I thought we could work through whatever issues we had but he decided to run away instead of fighting for us. So I'm trying to do the same.” I cry out.

“Is that what this is with Phil?” asks Jessy.

“Phil is just something fun for now. There is no end game with him and I plan on breaking it off tomorrow.” I say with a sigh.

Dan comes up and wraps his arms around me. “MC, you still love him don’t you?” he asks

The tears fall and I lean into Dan’s chest. “How am I supposed to stop loving the man that my soul is made for?” I ask looking up at him.

“It won’t be easy but you will make it through I promise you.” he says.

We enjoy a night watching movies and eatting dinner while also playing some games.

I wake up the next morning and remember I have to go over to Phil’s Jessy and Dan are still there so I make up coffee and leave them a note. I head over there and knock on the door.

“Morning” he says as he answers the door in just sweatpants with that sly smile.

“Phil, can we talk?” I ask

“You're not happy are you?” he asks

“No, it was fun. I won’t deny that but my heart isn’t in it. I need more time to get over him. I’m sorry” I say looking down.

“It’s okay,we both knew this was just something fun. No hard feelings.”

“Thanks Phil, I’ll see you around.” I say with a soft smile.

[babeczka415]

Eternal Love - Chapter 4

Everything with Phil has been going great, it's been a fun couple of weeks going on dates and waking up next to him. I would never admit this to anyone but he is something nice to look at.  However this morning, I find myself wanting more. Phil has admitted he doesn’t want to settle down and I can’t blame him. He has a reputation to keep up in this town and as a bar owner. 

I’m home today alone and I pull out my phone. For some reason I never deleted a picture of Jake and I, you can’t see his face but I know it's him. My heart starts to break all over again. I put my phone down and go and make myself another cup of coffee trying to get my mind to focus on work.

Jakes POV: Last time I reached out to her she told me she never wanted to see or hear from me again. I can’t blame her but I have to know she’s safe. I look at my laptop and see she’s home. It's where she has been lately. I’m 200 miles away in colville to keep distance between us because if I see her face I’m going to lose it and run to her.

I take a sip of coffee as I watch my screen between tracking her and my pursuers. I’ve had little sleep but I need to make sure they stay away from her. I realized they were only close to her last time because I was so I stayed away. Everything in my heart is telling me to run to her and kiss her one more time but her safety will always be my importance. I just don’t see what she see’s in Phil still. She told me I didn’t have to worry about him and yet they are together, at least for now. 

I know guys like him, he will mess up and she will walk away. I had learned things about her and she isn’t one to give second chances. I hope I can be the expectation that once I get everything cleared up because god how I miss that smile as she looks at me with those eyes. The touch of her hands on my face that is used to being covered by this mask. She saw me and while I should be worried that someone is going to come after her I can’t let her into this life with me. That's why I ran all those weeks ago from her. I knew she would hate me for it but it was the only way I could keep her safe.

MC POV:

It’s been a couple hours and I finally got work done today, thankfully my boss hasn’t noticed me slacking lately. I keep telling myself I won’t go down the rabbit hole of finding a way to help Jake but I find myself on the dark web. He had shown me some of it when we were together so I found myself in a forum. I never post or talk to anyone but I hope to know he is okay.

I finally about to close when I see a notification pop up: “if anyone knows where Nym is or that girl he is with there is reward for him alive”

Shit, shit, shit. He’s already with someone else and they are looking for him and her. I grab my phone and I still have his number saved. I go to type something when I see he comes online and I stop. 

“No MC you are not to get caught up in his issues” I say aloud to myself. As I delete his number this time and delete the account I created in that chat form.

I take a deep breath and I call Phil up. He answers and I hear him already in the bar. “Hey love” he says.

“Hey, I was hoping to catch you before the bar opened but I guess I'm a bit late tonight.” I say sadly.

“You can always come stop by, once one of my employees comes in we can head upstairs.” I hear that sly smile of his.

“No, I should rest. Today was a rough day at work and I haven’t eaten except for drinking coffee and a protein bar,” I say with a sigh.

“I’ll make it up to you” he says as I hear him helping a customer.

‘Its okay really. I’ll come stop by in the morning tomorrow as I don’t have work.”

‘Okay see you then love, goodbye” he says as he hangs up.

“Goodbye” I say into the phone to noone.

I go and order myself some takeout and decide to do a little bit of cleaning as I throw on my favorite playlist at the moment. I hear my phone go off but I decide to ignore it. I need to stop jumping at my phone everytime it goes off. It's a bad habit I got into with Jake as I always wanted to talk to him. I hear the doorbell ring and the food is there. As I’m about to close the door a hand stops me and I see it’s Dan and Jessy.

“I tried calling you, boo,” says Dan.

“Sorry I was doing some cleaning,’ I say with a sigh as I let them in and put the food down. “What's going on?” I am concerned they are both here.

He pulls out his phone and there's a text message from an unknown sender. 

???: Tell us where nymos girl is and no one gets hurt

“I didn’t answer because I know you're not his anymore but obviously someone else didn’t get the message and you're in danger. Have you heard from hackerboy?” Dan asks.

I look at him and Jessy concerned, “no not for a couple weeks. I deleted his contact from my phone because he’s part of my past now” I say as I turn around to grab my food.

“Well someone things you're still his, MC” says Jessy.

“Well I’m NOT! I don’t care what he’s up to anymore, for all we know he could be someone new.” I yell.

Dan looks at Jessy, “what's going on? Don’t tell us anything because we know you MC.” Dan states.

“I still miss him okay! I thought he was my eternal love and he walked away from me. I thought we could work through whatever issues we had but he decided to run away instead of fighting for us. So I'm trying to do the same.” I cry out.

“Is that what this is with Phil?” asks Jessy.

“Phil is just something fun for now. There is no end game with him and I plan on breaking it off tomorrow.” I say with a sigh.

Dan comes up and wraps his arms around me. “MC, you still love him don’t you?” he asks

The tears fall and I lean into Dan’s chest. “How am I supposed to stop loving the man that my soul is made for?” I ask looking up at him.

“It won’t be easy but you will make it through I promise you.” he says.

We enjoy a night watching movies and eatting dinner while also playing some games.

I wake up the next morning and remember I have to go over to Phil’s Jessy and Dan are still there so I make up coffee and leave them a note. I head over there and knock on the door.

“Morning” he says as he answers the door in just sweatpants with that sly smile.

“Phil, can we talk?” I ask

“You're not happy are you?” he asks

“No, it was fun. I won’t deny that but my heart isn’t in it. I need more time to get over him. I’m sorry” I say looking down.

“It’s okay,we both knew this was just something fun. No hard feelings.”

[sumeragi-hokuto]

I fully understand if it’s impossible but do you plan on finishing this project?

Hi to you and everyone else still following this blog. It's probably been what, almost two years since I last posted anything?

Short answer: probably not, though I want to.

Long answer: So a lot happened. I got my laptop back after the water damage and everything was wiped. Everything. Not just TB. I DID have some backups of the raws for volume 5, but I lost the rest of the completed pages that I'd been working on which put me back several weeks. Combine that with the stress of starting a new semester of college with a broken laptop, in a new place, with COVID messing everything up... I basically lost all motivation to keep working on TB. Time passed and I got more and more guilty about not posting, so I told myself that I would just work in larger batches that meant when I did post, I could post a ton in order to make up for all the time when I did not. Of course, that started to stress me out too, and so all it meant was that I kept delaying everything even more because the idea of doing MORE than usual after being gone so long was so daunting I couldn't bring myself to make the first step. Time passed. I got a job and was doing both school and work, which took a lot of time, and ended up committed to a group that took 9 hours per week minimum. The semester went by, and the next, and then was my final semester and my thesis. Keep everything from before and add in *that* time commitment...

By the time I was ready to get back to TB, I'd graduated. And my school pulled my Photoshop license basically the second my diploma was in hand. Buying Photshop will take me $22-35 a month, and Adobe is so weird with their commitments and forcing you to keep it for a long time or putting a cancelation fee on you that I keep worrying I'll miss something in the fine print and end up having to pay way more than anticipated. So basically, trying to get Photoshop back would cost a lot of money that I don't exactly want to pay given how long I think it'll take me to do these scans. It's just me working on this. There is no one else. I have a lot of things I want to do in my life, and paying for another year or two of Photoshop will put me out a few hundred bucks that I would like to put in savings. I guess I could really buckle down and try to get huge chunks done at once, but I need some other life things to calm down a bit.

If this seems like excuses excuses...yeah. pretty much. I have a million excuses and none of them are great. I loved this project and it brought me a lot of joy, but now I've come to a financial decision that has kept me from coming back to this.

That and the other big thing, which was the idea of "Oh. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this." Because while I may not be earning any money by doing this, I'm also not paying anything to do this. The profits aren't going to CLAMP or anyone official. People are reading their material without them earning a single penny. And sure, I read every CLAMP manga I've ever read on unofficial online sites before buying them myself (so, I read without paying before I fell so in love that I did). But should I be doing this? What happens if CLAMP or whoever owns the licensing does a crackdown one day?

I'm already so far in it probably doesn't matter. I'm not going to go delete everything I've ever posted. So why not just finish what I started?

I think it comes down to shoving down the guilt of the absence and the worry of whether I should or shouldn't be doing this and figuring out financially (and time-wise) if it's truly worth it. Like I said, I loved this project. I love TB. I have a ton of fun making the pages. But it takes a lot. It will take more from me now than it ever has with the added financial burden and the fact that I have way more commitments than I did when I started (which was, I think, actually in high school. And here I am now with a college degree and a real world job).

So that's the long answer: Will I finish this? I don't know. I really want to. I just need to figure out a way to make it work. That'll require some shuffling on my part. Some figuring stuff out. Some weighing my options. I can't say yes because I don't want to promise something and not give it, which has historically been what I've done when promising more frequent updates that never increased in frequency.

So to both you and the few other people who've messaged me in this long gap, or to the ones who said such nice things when I first mentioned my broken laptop and losing everything and all the kind of sucky stuff that happened nearly 2 years ago now...Thank you for caring. It does mean a lot. It's really nice to know that people actually appreciated the effort I put in, and that they're still thinking about me (or at least, about what I can do for them). I've never stopped thinking about this blog. I used Photoshop for my thesis and every time I opened it I told myself, "maybe next time I open this will be for TB." It even was. I think I did one more set at some point, never posted because of that thing I mentioned about feeling guilty and wanting to make a mega post.

With that I'll finish off for now. Apologies for the giant blob of text. I don't feel like proofreading this right now. I still have stuff I need to get done today. Real life calls. I hope that one day I will be able to get back to this. I'm just not sure when, or if it's even feasible.

Thank you,

Mariyekos.

[popopretty]

🌟GUIDE TO NAVIGATE MY BLOG🌟

So after years of using Tumblr, I finally feel the need to create a pinned post. I hope it helps you find things you need easier in this mess of a blog that I created. Also, please read the FAQs below for commonly asked questions ^^

Bungou Stray Dogs related posts:

All BSD (not spoilers free - nothing in this blog is)

Monthly chapter summaries (more like write-ups cuz I just write down everything)

Storm Bringer related posts (translations, replies to asks, summaries etc.)

The Day I Picked Up Dazai - Size A related posts

The Day I Picked Up Dazai - Size B related posts

Translations of Asagiri’s comments on characters in BSD exposition (updating irregularly)

Vanitas no Carte related posts

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun related posts

Piko related posts

My scans and translations of bonus or omakes (mostly but not all BSD)

Merch sellings, group orders (mostly but not all BSD)

Answers to asks

My BL sideblog

❓QUESTIONS I GOT ASKED A LOT❓

- Where do you find your raws? I don’t “find” them. I buy them through sites like bookwalker or animatebookstore, sometimes Amazon or just any website that provide digital books.

- Why do you always get the raws earlier? I don’t. I am the type who can’t wait so I always buy the new chapter the very moment it is released, which might make you think I somehow get the chapters before everyone. Japan has a “flash get” system where the physical stores might have things on the shelf a few days before the actual release date and I sometimes got my hands on my copy early that way but I try my best not to spoil things before the official date. (I still do sometimes when I am too excited though...)

- Will you post the raws? I don’t post raws in most of the cases. There are other people doing it already and since I am living Japan, I do want to minimize the risk of getting charged for sharing copyrights content. (Again, I still do that sometimes if I feel the need to, but most of the time, no)

- Is it okay to use your contents for this and that? It depends on the content so I always put a note at the end of the post if I don’t want it to be reposted. Honestly, I generally don’t mind sharing at all but I do want to encourage people to actually buy the stuff and support the authors. Also, sometimes I want the contents (mostly scans and videos) to stay in my Tumblr because I don’t want the authors or the Japanese fans to accidentally see it on Twitter or other more popular social platforms. If you don’t see any warnings, that means it is okay to use.

- Do you take translation requests? Normally I don’t because my time is limited (not to mention I still have lots to learn about my Japanese). Sometimes if I receive a request and I’m interested in it too, then I will find time to work on it but it might take months because I prefer to do things my pace. Same with scan requests. If it is a card I can easily scan it but I won’t go so far to bend and damage my books to scan an image.

- Do you need credits? I am happy enough at the fact that there are people checking out my blog so credits are not mandatory but are really appreciated. Unless you decide to ignore my instructions and reupload my contents without my permission, then I’d prefer you to NOT credit me please.

💋MY OTHER ACCOUNTS💋

I am actually active on many other platforms but I prefer to keep my social media accounts separated for different purpose so this blog will be the only place where I share contents.

Due to the situation where BSD accounts on Tumblr are being reported and deleted, I have created a Twitter page just for announcement purpose. If my account here gets deleted all of the sudden, you can find me there @popopretty1

By the way, I do have a Ko-fi so you can buy me a coffee if you want xDD I don’t drink coffee but I am gonna eat ice cream instead 🍦https://ko-fi.com/popopretty 🍦Thank you 🥰

I guess that’s all? I may come back and make changes to this later if I come up with anything else. Hope you have a great time here :3

[deeranger]

Fic Writer Questions!

@oddsocksandstuff tagged me in this, thank you so much, sweetie!  ❤️

 1) How many works do you have on AO3? I’ve got 40 so far (of which 25 are SPN fics). There’s more to come! 

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 486,667, apparently. That tells me each of my fics has an average wordcount of 12,166.675… Seems about right. I was never any good at keeping things short.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Uhh… On AO3 I’ve written for Supernatural, Supernatural RPF, X-men (Cherik) and McFassy (James McAvoy/Michael Fassbender). But I’ve written a lot when I was younger that has never made it online, including NCIS, Pirates of the Caribbean, and lots of weird one-shorts starring everyone from Michael J. Fox to Kevin Sorbo from “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys”. 🤨  

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos? “A Lesson to be Taught” – an SPN Wincest pwp fic where a dominant Dean fucks (and spanks) Sam and they discover that Dean apparently has a daddy!kink. Comes with a photo manipulation too! There be dick.    

“Taking Game” – a semi-dark medieval Cherik (Charles Xavier/Erik Lehnsherr from X-men) AU. Basically, Charles is a poacher hunting on king Erik’s land to his great dismay. And so, he’s captured and gets the choice between losing his life or serving the king for a bit… Dubcon and smut ensues.   “Only Like This” – a little SPN Wincest dub-con fic about hopelessly pining Dean doping Sam just so he can touch and kiss his oblivious little brother. It’s okay. Sam won’t remember when he comes to.   “It’s Only Carnal” – A dark SPN Wincest noncon fic where soulless!Sam needs to blow off some steam. And when it comes to carnal activities his brother isn’t exactly a novice – so why not use Dean’s body to make them both feel good?   “Demonized” – a long and dark af SPN noncon fic written in collaboration with the awesome @palishere. Sam is captured by some nasty demons who use him to lure in his brother. At first it seems the demonic scumbags are just really perverted and have a weakness for sexual torture, but they turn out to have ulterior motives…  

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes, always. I think it can be a bit demotivating for a reader to leave a comment and get zero response – and so, they might not bother to comment on the next fic. At least, that’s how I feel personally. And besides, I really want to let readers know that I appreciate them taking the time and effort to actually tell me what they think.  

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oufff… Seriously? How can I possibly pick just one when 99.8 percent of my fics are not only dark af but have gut-wrenching ambiguous endings as well? I, err… I’m gonna have to think really hard about this one, hold on… *Insert buzzing cicada sound*… Uhh… Well, I guess it might be… “Play or Pay” – a dark female!reader-insert Wincest fic where demon!Dean has you and Sam trapped somewhere underground. Sam ends up being on the receiving end of the demon’s cruelty when he tries to save you. Using Dean’s body the demon ends up raping Sam while the reader tries to escape to get help... There’s a little twist in the end. Loads of dead dove here, including death (not Dean or Sam).     “The Orange Hour” – where undercover inmate!Dean has to rape CO!Sam in order to save both of their lives and get them out of the jail in one piece. It doesn’t go completely as planned. (Comes with an nsfw photo manipulation).  “Demonized” – loads of bottom!Sam torture, full of hurt and absolutely no comfort... It’s just… I dunno, I think I and @palishere had a collective meltdown in the noncon and angst department. Sorrynotsorry.      

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Nope, I’ve never in my life written a crossover. Usually, I’m too laser-focused on 1 obsession at a time. I can’t multitask, okay?   

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic? Yes, the fandom purity police has visited me on AO3. The usual self-proclaimed know-it-alls vomiting their bullshit all over the comment section about how “problematic” noncon is and how “sick” I must be. I thought about moderating comments for a while, actually – but I just deleted their follow-up comments until they left me alone. 😤

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yes!! Gimme! Usually, I write noncon smut or just good ol’ pwps that feature some sort of dominance. That’s it. That’s my jam. In general, the only smut I don’t write is the cute, fluffy, feel-good, cuddly stuff… My smut’s usually pretty rough and/or some sort of dub/noncon.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes. Someone stole “It’s Only Carnal” and posted it as her own on some Portuguese fanfiction site. She even replied to comments, answered questions and talked about how much she loved writing it, etc… Luckily a sweet mutual on Tumblr let me know about it and I reported her for plagiarism. The stolen fic was taken down shortly after and the account deleted. Goddamn thief. 😡  

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes. Honestly, I can’t remember which fic(s). But people have contacted me on AO3 and asked for permission to translate my stuff into Chinese. I have - of course - happily allowed them to. It’s such an awesome compliment to get, I think!  

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, 2. “Demonized” and the fluffy Ficfacers prompt fic “The Masks We Wear” starring Sam and Dean taking their pranks a step too far. Basically, the brothers get angry with each other and they need to talk it out… No smut in this one, can you believe it?!! But that was kinda the prompt we received. The prompt was literally: “Sam and fluff”. Anyways, both fics are co-written with the lovely @palishere. You can find her AO3 here. 😊

14) What’s your all time favorite ship? Wincest!!! Definitely. Gimme all the brotherfucking, please. No contest. And coming in on second place I guess there’s Samifer – never paired consensually, though. I just love Lucifer messing with Sam’s head and torturing him in all kinds of cruel ways.    

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Oh, that’s a mean question… I have a noncon WIP where Sam and Dean are in prison. I wrote a whole story outline, gathered my own little dictionary of prison slang, etc… But I never made it past page 10 or something. Sam was supposed to get jumped by a gang of inmates and then Dean was supposed to helplessly watch from the sideline, offering to trade places if they’d just leave his little brother alone… And after that it’s all about a mix of healing and vengeance… But the story has been lying on the shelf for more than a year and I doubt I’ll ever continue it. Oh, wait! I almost forgot – I have a long Cherik WIP sequel to “To Have and to Hold”! Just checked, its wordcount is 18,729! Holy crap…. What a waste, huh? But I honestly don’t think I’ll ever finish it, because I’m not into Cherik anymore. That ship has kinda sunk for me…. So, now I’m hyperfixating on Supernatural, yeah?     

16) What are your writing strengths? Description, I think. I just love details and setting the mood. I like to think I’m pretty good at writing in English too even though it isn’t my native language… I wish to be better and expand my vocabulary but I’m doing okay nonetheless.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Description, I think. Yes, you read correctly. I often describe things TOO much. Sometimes to the extent where the pacing gets so slowed down that I feel like the scene loses its ‘feel’. I don’t know if it’s just in my head, but that’s my major concern about my writing. That and my signature ambiguous endings, lol.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Love it. It can be difficult to pull off, but if you get it right it can be magical. Just don’t overdo it and make sure that the reader can follow. I don’t think I have any fics online where I do it, but I’m not a complete stranger to it either.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? Ack, my poor brain trying to go back to when I was friggin’ 13… You know how many years ago that was?! 25!!! Okay!? *Huffs*…. Anyway, I THINK it might’ve been Keanu Reeves’ character in “Johnny Mnemonic”. Or maybe David James Elliott’s character as Harmon Rabb in the early seasons of “JAG”. I dunno. Either way this question makes me feel really old and I don’t appreciate it. Don’t @ me. 😅   

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? That’s probably a tie between “The Orange Hour” and “It’s Only Carnal”. They’ve both got nice pacing and that’s my biggest challenge, I think. Also, I love the whole Morse code thing in “The Orange Hour”. I don’t even know what happened or how I came up with it, but hey, I can surprise myself if I want to, I guess! And of course there’s the smutty noncon and all of the hurt… So, those two fics are my personal faves. 😏  

I’ll tag @jackandthesoulmates, @pinkoptics, @palishere, @wrenseroticlibrary, @decadent-prince, @negans-lucille-tblr, @juinae and @impala-dreamer and everyone else who feels like doing it! Feel free to ignore, of course. 

[nugnthopkns]

tell you i miss you but i don’t know how

word count: 2.7k

warnings: insinuated fem!reader, a singular swear word, it’s kinda angsty i guess

recommended listening: the story of us | taylor swift

a/n: long time hockey fan, long time reader, first time writer. i’ve been thinking about posting for a while and decided to bite the bullet. no time like the present i suppose. tagging some folks i feel might be interested (but there’s literally zero pressure please feel free to ignore) @matbaerzal​ @davidpastrsnack​ @troubatrain​ @jamiedrysdales​

Breaking up was for the best. 

You repeat the phrase like a mantra. It’s the first thing you think when you wake up, in the back of your mind as you sit in your cubicle, and verbally repeated anytime you pass a mirror. Deep down you know it’s right; you and Tyson aren’t on compatible lifepaths, and that’s okay. You just wish it didn’t hurt so much to say goodbye. He’s an easy person to miss, with his infectious smile and quick wit. Tyson’s the only person who’s made you laugh so hard tears roll down your cheek; the one who always picked up a bag of pretzels on his way home from the rink so you could have a snack after work. Though you didn’t expect to get over him quickly, you had no idea you’d still miss him nearly a year later. Or that it would hurt so much every time you see him in public. 

♠♠♠♠♠

The bar offers a reprieve from the brisk Denver wind. October has been unusually chilly so far, but the bodies packed like sardines in the open room create all the heat insulation you need. It’s a Friday night and you’re hoping to unwind after a stressful week at work. It’s audit season, meaning you’ve had to pull crazy late nights as you read over the financial records of the firm’s junior partners. Today was particularly terrible, with the computer system crashing, and you really need a drink. Your friends are supposed to meet you, but a text confirms that traffic is heavier than they anticipated and they’re running late. 

Not wanting to waste precious time, you head straight for the only empty space at the bar. A bartender a few years older than you sees you approach and leans close to hear your order over the thumping bass. “Could I just grab a gin and tonic?” you ask, and she smiles before turning away to make your drink. A minute later a drink is placed in your hand and you scour the venue for a table. A small booth is available in the corner; the perfect size for your party. It turns out to be the perfect spot for people watching, and you casually sip your drink and occasionally scroll through instagram while you wait. A text from your friend alerts you everyone is fifteen  minutes out. Though it’s pretty crowded everyone seems to be congregating on the dance floor so you don’t hesitate to leave your table and order a second drink. 

This gin and tonic goes down easier than the first, and soon you’re on your third. There’s still no sign of your friends anywhere and the balls of your feet ache from the heels you wore to the office today. You abandon your plan to meet them at the door, firing off a text giving your location in the venue. Once sitting down, you take off your shoes and rub at your feet. Why did you choose today to abide by the dress code? You typically wore a discreet pair of sneakers and wished you could go back in time to change your shoe choice. 

“I see you’re still drinking gin and can’t wear heels for more than two hours.”

His voice sends shivers down your spine. You look up to see Tyson smiling down at you, and the room spins around you. The entire reason you picked this bar was because it was the only one the boys didn’t frequent, but it seems they’re here anyways. 

“I’m consistent,” you say, trying to keep your voice even. The sight of Tyson makes your heart clench. He looks good, glowing the way that means the team came out with a win and that he played well and put up some points. 

Tyson nods to the empty seat across from you, and against your better judgement you allow him to sit. A small section of your brain thinks he’s going to confess he’s been miserable the last few months, that he’s still madly in love with you. It seems to be the part controlling the rest of your body. “That’s one thing that’ll never change. How’s work?”

You hum wistfully, wishing he wouldn’t make small talk. How is this so easy for him? “Busy,” you sigh. “It’s audit season so the department is swamped. The boys still causing issues?”

“They’re annoying as ever.” He smiles at you again. The sick feeling in your stomach doesn’t subside. Tyson gives you a quick recap of the Avs’ season so far, and you half pay attention. You’ve gone to great lengths to avoid seeing him: switched the way you drive home, where you hang out with friends, what grocery store you go to. It’s a little ironic he’d find you here of all places. 

Idle chatter occurs for a while. Tyson’s talking to you like he’s reuniting with a childhood friend, not an ex-lover. As much as you find the conversation uncomfortable, you can’t turn him away. You miss sitting with him, talking about anything under the sun. Life hasn’t been as bright since the break up. No matter how hard you try, nothing fills the Tyson sized hole in your heart. In a twisted way his presence is comforting, a reminder of what once was. Eventually his teammates realize he’s gone missing and come to whisk him away. 

“See you around Y/N,” Tyson says, a little bewildered because J.T is dragging him by the belt loops. 

All you can croak out is a feeble “Yeah.” He doesn’t look back once he’s away from the table. You shouldn’t have expected him to; he seems to be doing fine. Well even. Every step he takes breaks your heart a little more, and you curse yourself for missing him and down the rest of your drink. 

Your friends find you crying in the bathroom and usher you home. 

♠♠♠♠

Despite being separated from Tyson, you’re still close with some members of the Avalanche extended family. Mel Landeskog continually reaches out, ensuring you’re doing the best you can given the circumstances. It isn’t easy when your ex-boyfriend is the pride of Denver, plastered over every billboard in a fifteen mile radius of the city. When she called to ask if you’d emergency babysit Linnea while she ran errands you jumped at the opportunity to help. 

“Thank you so much,” Mel says, cooing to her daughter who’s comfortably placed in your arms. 

“It’s not a problem,” you insist, “I’m just glad I can finally start repaying you for everything you’ve done for me.”

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, telling you to text her if you need anything picked up at the store. You’re then left alone with the baby who is luckily one of the happiest you’ve ever seen. The first hour or so is spent entertaining Linnea with various toys and games. Her smile and laugh melt your heart, and your mind briefly flashes to conversations you had about children with Tyson. You push them from your mind, not wanting to lose your focus. The child in front of you is the one that matters, not the hypothetical one from times past. Around two she gets fussy; a bottle and quick diaper change satiate her. 

“You having fun pretty girl?” you coo. “I’m not always the most exciting to be around.” She doesn’t respond; just looks up at you with heavy lids. You pull her closer to your chest, rocking gently back and forth on your heels. Within minutes she’s soundly asleep and you head upstairs to place her in the crib. 

Back on the main floor, you settle into the corner of the couch. The baby monitor is on the coffee table and you keep your laptop at a low volume to ensure you’d hear anything. You sift through the mess in your inbox, deleting promotional emails and replying to those that need your attention. After killing half an hour, you quickly check on Linnea before scrolling through social media. According to twitter the Avalanche are on a six game winning streak and are looking to keep it alive. You honestly could care less about hockey anymore; it’s a painful reminder that Tyson is no longer yours. In truth you’re happy for the team because they work hard and deserve it. Other social media platforms yield nothing of interest and you soon feel yourself nodding off. Looking at the clock you realize there’s about an hour left in the baby’s nap, so you let yourself sleep. 

A knock on the door startles you awake. Careful not to cause a commotion that could wake Linnea you head in the direction of the entryway. The knocking increases as you approach, and you open the door to a disheveled Tyson.

“What are you doing here?” You didn’t mean for the question to come off so rude, but it does. 

He pays it no mind. “Is Gabe home yet?”

“No,” you sputter. “I’m watching Linnea while Mel stepped out.” 

Tyson looks stumped. “He should be home by now. We had plans to unwind before the game.” You make no attempt to stop him from entering, and he takes his shoes off without another word. Aimlessly trailing behind him, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when he heads to the guest room. “I’m gonna take a nap, have Landy wake me up when he gets home.”

“Can do,” you sigh, but it falls on deaf ears. Tyson’s already got the door shut, and you imagine he’s climbing under the covers, blissfully unaffected by your presence. You can’t say the same. Knowing he’s less than fifty feet from you sends you spiraling. Flashbacks of pre-game cuddles grace the back of your eyelids, and you rub your temples furiously to get rid of the images. It doesn’t help. You want nothing more than to not be bothered by how much you miss seeing him. You miss the way his hands felt entangled with yours and how sweet his voice sounds in the morning. Being this hung up on a person so long after a relationship has ended can’t be healthy. 

The baby monitor crackles, signaling the baby, and the only reason you haven’t fled, is once again awake. Linnea’s room is bright and cheerful; the perfect hideaway from Tyson. Sometime during your tenth reciting of Green Eggs and Ham Mel returns. She finds you upstairs and giddily sweeps up her child, missing her terribly even though she was only gone for a couple of hours. 

“Did everything go okay?”

You nod. “She was a dream. The happiest baby I’ve ever seen. She might need to be changed soon though.” 

Mel nods. “I saw Tyson’s car in the driveway, did he meet Gabe?”

“He’s actually asleep in the downstairs guest room,” you whisper, scared he’ll sense you’re talking about it, and by extension thinking about him, missing him. 

“Oh. Shit.”

That’s the understatement of the year. “Yeah.” You quickly help put away the groceries before heading out, not wanting to disrupt the routine more so than you already had. Really though, you want to be as far away from the Landeskog’s as possible before Tyson wakes up. You’ll have to do a better job of avoiding him in the future, you decide on the way home. You’re heart can’t take seeing him this frequently – or at all. 

♠♠♠♠

You would rather be anywhere than the Pepsi Center. It’s the first time you’ve been in the arena since breaking up with Tyson and you’re downright miserable. However, you promised your younger brother you’d take him to a game the next time he visited Denver with your parents and you aren’t about to break his heart. Ryan is borderline obsessed with the Avalanche and hockey in general. At eleven he’s showing significant promise and you know he works hard.

“Ry, slow down,” you huff, desperately trying to keep up with him. The kid is swaying through the throng of people at lightning speed, desperately trying to make it to your seats to catch warmup. Wanting to make the experience special for him, you purchased seats along the glass across from the Avs bench. Your brother halts, tapping his foot impatiently as you join him and match his stride. 

Contrary to what Ryan thinks, your seats have not been stolen and warmup is just starting. His winter jacket is soon placed on the seat, revealing the too big jersey underneath. The number seventeen nearly sits at his elbow and the name-bar is askew because one side keeps slipping down, but your brother’s happy. He’s preoccupied with watching players do passing drills, hands pressed against the glass, and you allow yourself to look around. Virtually nothing has changed since the last time you were here. The banners are still the same, the energy electric. One small difference is your seating arrangement: the better halves’ box is no longer a luxury you have available to you. A quick glance in that direction confirms they’re enjoying themselves, laughing and no doubt in the midst of planning the next off-season wedding. 

Ryan grips the hem of your sweater to get your attention. “Look Y/N,”  he squeals, “Tys and J.T are coming over!” Sure enough, the two friends are making a beeline in your direction. Tyson waves and Ryan eagerly reciprocates. You’re reminded just how much he misses Tyson; they were the best of friends whenever they could get together. Another piece of your heart breaks in that moment, as you realize you aren’t the only hurting from the breakup. 

“You’ve got him in the wrong jersey Y/N,” J.T smirks. “Think he’d look better with thirty-seven plastered all over.”

You roll your eyes. “I’ll remember that Compher. You got the spare change lying around to buy him one?” There’s no malice in your voice; you truly miss joking around with him. 

Tyson throws a puck high enough to clear the plexiglass. “Ry-Guy, catch!” It lands unceremoniously at Ryan’s feet, but he beams as he picks it up. The two boys share a makeshift fist bump and quickly catch up with each other. It’s been over a year since they’ve seen each other at this point, and Ryan has so much he wants to talk about. J.T tells a joke that makes the younger boy laugh, and Tyson turns his attention to you. 

“It’s nice to see you again,” he says, doing his best to convey his sincerity. The energy of the area and the adrenaline have Tyson shaking slightly, and he rocks back onto his blades. 

You study his facial features as you inhale. He’s still incredibly handsome, just slightly more defined, like he’s growing into himself. “Likewise,” you exhale. You know you shouldn’t lie but you can’t help it; for Ryan’s sake you need to pretend that seeing Tyson doesn’t make you want to curl into a ball and cry. He smiles sadly, like he knows you’re putting on a show. He probably does – you’ve never been good at hiding your emotions from him. Has been able to see how much you hurt every time you interact?

Ryan recaptures Tyson’s attention for a few final moments before he has to return to the locker room. With a high-five and a promise to call soon he skates away, leaving your brother to gush about his idol. The game goes better than you could have ever imagined; the Avs gain a landslide victory and Tyson gets a hatrick. After each goal he points in your direction and Ryan goes berserk. You catch yourself smiling, proud of his accomplishment, before you realize you won’t be at the celebratory afterparty. That isn’t your life anymore. 

The traffic out of the arena is terrible, and Ryan’s asleep in the backseat before you hit the interstate. In some sort of daze you think about what you’d be doing with Tyson right now if you were still together. Maybe you’d be getting ready to make an appearance at a club to celebrate the big game, but it’s more likely you’d be pressed together on the couch, watching a nature documentary to unwind. It’s moments like that you miss most; where you were both too comfortable and enamored with each other to care about your social obligations. A single tear escapes and flows down your cheek. One turns into ten, and soon you’re sobbing over lost love. 

♠♠♠♠

Tyson Jost isn’t someone you could ever stop loving. He’s the human equivalent of the sun, and even now your life revolves around him. It’s centered on missing him, sure, but that’s a part of him nonetheless. You can only hope it gets easier to deal with.

[nightswithkookmin]

MONDAY, JANUARY 18TH: GOLDY'S LOG

I miss Suga. Scratch that. I miss Agust D. My spirit animal.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately, wondering if his injury isn't an exemption to military service. I wonder if he qualifies, in light of his injury, as an able body. I wonder what their law defines as able body.

I wonder if he passed the legal physical exam and health assessment test when he turned 19, since he's had that injury way before debut. Or if BTS have undergone that mandatory military service assessment since they are all past 19 and what their results are.

Jimin has chronic back pain too. That should qualify him for an exemption to military duty. He can still do desk work if it's that serious.

I should talk to ***** and look into South Korea's law on exemptions to military service.

Moon values the arts and culture industry. There's already been an extension for conscription for the benefit of BTS. Their success and longevity in the spot light perhaps influenced this decision. Should BTS maintain this momentum, an exemption would be inevitable I feel.

I miss them. They've been gone for too long. I'm worried about the impact this is going to have on their popularity if they disconnect from fans for so long or be mechanical about the way they connect with their fans.

I hate the limited access to them. But Scarcity increases the value of a product and it's not surprising if this is the approach BigHit is adopting in the wake of the pandemic.

Limited access not only raises value, it creates demand. Bang PD is a bigbrain marketing genius- I hate it.

They are taking a huge risk with this new marketing strategy. Personally, I'd stick to what works but then I am no marketing guru. Just a consumer who likes to play it safe. I guess I won't be getting hired anytime soon. Fuck.

It's all very fascinating.

What's equally fascinating is the shippers out here on these streets. The Jokers.

I... they confuse the hell out of me sometimes.

How are they going to question my rationality when I talk about moments I feel Jikook are having issues in their relationship or had broken up etc but then have no problem with and even applaud that same rationality when I talk about moments that has led me to believe there is lack of depth in Tae Kook's dynamics or that they are not real by any standard or that another ship in BTS isn't real.

Do I have two minds? Or are they more inclined to be selective in their beliefs based on their biases towards Jikook and against other ships? It's weird.

By the same lens I define Jikook as real, I define Tae Kook or any other ship that includes JK and Jimin as not real. And by that same lens if I feel Jikook aren't together then I'm wrong and irrational?

It really confounds me.

Not sure if they expect me to apply double standards to Jikook in those instances.

I don't think there is right and wrong opinions or perspective when it comes to shipping, but I think if they are right about me being wrong about my perspective on Jikook then I must be wrong about my perspective on any other ship in BTS as well.

I can't be right about one and wrong about another. I'm either right about all or wrong about all.

I can't be 'right' about Tae Kook having 'issues' in their bond in such a way I think it often bars them from fully nurturing their bond and developing depth to it but then be 'wrong' about Jikook also having issues that mess with their bond from time to time when it's the same measurement I use in accessing the depth of bond of both ships.

I really don't understand their way of thinking.

What is right and what is wrong and who decides on that?

I think we ought to substitute right and wrong with 'believe and believable.' The approach to such discourse should be about what one is willing to believe or not believe about certain discussions: I believe this. I don't believe that. Because believes stem from our personal biases towards a subject.

And the people that come running to me with 'look, Jikook smiled at each other in On era so change your mind'

I would except I hear this debate all the time. I wonder if they realize they sound exactly like the Tuktukkers in my DMs trying to convince me Tae Kook is real.

'Look Tae sat on JK's laps! How can you say there is no depth to Tae kook' ' He squished JK's cheeks' 'Jk said he wants to ride with Tae, if there was no depth why did he say he wanted to ride with him'

I have a feeling Soft Koo is back. The days of Terminator JK might be over. Too bad, I liked terminator JK. He was a bad ass.

I like that he is experimenting with his looks. But I'm glad his Ravi-esque phase is over. I wonder who he is drawing inspiration from this time. He reminds me of Jimin though. There is something peaceful and serene about his looks.

Can't really tell much because Bighit is sitting on tons of footages. I think I need to send a truck to Bang PD HQ.

I don't like that Jimin posted a Vhopemin photo for Tae's birthday. It was cute and all but I don't like it. That shit felt passive aggressive as fuxk. Lmho. What, he didn't have a V or Vmin photo in his gallery? Sounds like someone didn't put much effort in their VMin agenda for this post.

I wonder if he will keep the same energy come JK's birthday. I mean both him and Tae didn't post for him💀

May be I'm reaching on this one. But a single post where V was not even the focus of the post... I think his birthday means a lot to him and he enjoys when people shower him with love and attention and I don't think his birthday is an exception.

And he kept reiterating after such said birthday how he recently discovered he loves to be loved and how he does most of the things he does in order to be loved by his fans, friends and family.

And it breaks my heart that, the headlines read BTS shower X, Y with love on his birthday but the two people close to him were missing from that list this time. The media talks about BTS posting for eachother as them showering eachother with love. Certainly they all know this.

And the fact Jin posted for Tae after Tae's birthday says a lot about Tae and JK. Tae had no intention of posting perhaps because he left JM a message on the packages. With Jin I feel he was overcompensating for not posting for him on his birthday...

JK gets a pass. If JM wasn't happy about him not posting for his birthday, he would have pulled a Jin.

Jimin talking about coming to the realization he loves to be loved makes me think JK withholding his affections openly made him come to the realization he loves to be loved. Just a hunch. And the only reason JK would withhold his affections is if Jimin himself estopps him. Those two give me headaches.

I think I got the closure I needed from this.

LESSON: dont get on JM's bad side and bloody post for his birthday 💀

Tae been releasing photos of Jimin and Jhope a lot lately. Not sure how that makes me feel either. I think it's beautiful. But when I think about all these beautiful photos he has of Jimin on his phone and how generous he is with them- I think they would have been more meaningful had he released it on JM's birthday. The snow photo he posted still sits in my Vmin heart somewhere.

I really don't like this not posting for each other's birthday business. It's 2021. They need to cut it out.

I feel JK set a bad precedent but personal happiness first so good for him.

This moment haunts me for some reason.

What was going through V's head. I want to know. RM looks done. Lol.

Jimin is really beautiful. I love his eyes when he smiles and the thing he does with his shoulders.

Some people complain I write a lot. Some say I don't write enough. Ayayayai!!!!!!

What to do.

I think I accidentally deleted a post.

I'm looking forward to JKK1. Stay Gold, Still with you, Your eyes tell... I hope he hasn't given his best away cos those were bops.

PJM1... oh God I'm nervous. I'm excited for it but nervous. I think Serendipity is a classic. The Christmas song was equally great and frankly the only good Christmas Ive heard so far and I don't even like Christmas- nothing against Baby Jesus I just think it sucks. That bridge in Dis-ease is something.

I want to read his thoughts. His spotify playlist is insightful but I want to confirm if he really sees himself as a mess who is always causing his lover grief.

I mean he did say he has realized he needs to be considerate towards those that love him. Not sure yet the connection there.

I want to read his thoughts.

PJM1....

I love JHOPE. I think his ship with Jimin is beautiful and healing. They make my insides warm. Not sure if their shippers think they are real. Do they? That would be awkward.

I think RM and Jimin need to spend time together... it would be good for them.

Jimin and Sungwoon shippers are alleging Jimin has been staying with Sungwoon all this while. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

But the bit about him living with Sungwoon before the start of Bon V 4 has me🤔

Around that period, I don't believe JM was at the dorms and Jikook were not together then too. He must have been staying somewhere...

I'll let them have that.

But around November 2019 when he was having issues with JK he was staying with Tae too so no I don't think that means Sungwoon is queer or that Jimin is sleeping with him💀

They need to get out of their imaginations.

I think Jikook will drive me crazy one day.

I can feel my cranium swelling.

JiRose shippers need to pack it up. They really think Jimin is straight? 💀

It's the bad editing for me.

That doesn't look like a straight face to me. Unless his butt was on fire and he was uncomfortable looking at that black interviewer, I think that's his flirting face.

Lately I've been thinking about what ifs.

What if Jikook is not real?

I wish I believed that.

[tirednotflirting]

i am missing you more than i should (guess i'm not out of the woods)

i attempted to post this to ao3 and then the page crashed so tumblr gets some rights today i guess.

this is another addition to the maisie thing i’m working on. title and inspo from look at me now by maisie peters 

read here on ao3 if you wanna

(it’s kinda emo i apologize)

It’s a cold November night when Luke sees Calum again.

Despite the outdoor temperature being displayed on his phone screen, Luke is warm from the alcohol in his belly and the bodies milling around the bar. He’s ordered a drink to feel natural in his current setting but it’s just soda and lime. He’s stepped into this place to wait for Ashton to come pick him up. He had read one top many horror stories about ride share apps and young drunken people and now always gripes at Luke for not calling him for a pick up on a night out. So after watching all of his friends (though that’s kind of a stretch for the people he frequents clubs with) head off into the night, Luke wandered to the place he currently sits at, feeling drawn to the little dive bar he hasn’t been to in ages and sent Ashton his location.

It’s while he’s waiting for his drink that he remembers why he was drawn to this bar. This is Calum’s place. Luke can’t even think up how many pairs of hands he would need to count the number of times they had stumbled into this place, laughing with their arms around each other while tripping their way up to the bar. It’s close to the complex Calum had been living in while they were still in school. Seeing him here now at the other end of the bar, the glitter in his eyes shining even though they’re not taking a single glance in his direction, makes Luke wonder if Calum’s stuck around this area of town.

Because of course Luke wouldn’t know. Luke hasn’t said a single word to the man in ages, hasn’t seen him in probably a year and a half at this point. (He’s tempted to pull out his dying phone to find the last text messages they exchanged to track the time but he knows Ashton probably deleted their messages during one of the many times he ended up on the other man’s couch with tears raining down his cheeks.) 

We want different things. That’s what Calum had told him. Luke wanted to see the world. They were about to graduate, he wanted to see everything and he wanted to see it all with Calum. The idea of settling any part of his still mess of a young life scared the hell out of him. Luke wanted to run but he wanted to do it with Calum’s hand holding his own. Calum was so practical, his mind somehow years ahead of Luke’s. They were graduating, it was time to slow down, he was always trying to explain to the boy he’d laughed with and loved for the last four years. The speeds they were trying to live their lives at during those last few months pretty much started pulling them in opposite directions, Luke supposes. Though that didn’t change how much it hurt the day he returned to his apartment to find a box of his clothes and belongings sitting in front of the door with a little note tucked into the side.

Luke had stuck to his plan. It was only in the last couple of months that he’d returned to the city and found a job more permanent, reconnected with Ashton who had stuck it out in the area for law school. He had seen so many places, so many people, so many pairs of brown eyes that had him nearly chasing after strangers on the other side of the world. He hadn’t dared to try to love someone else but eventually his brain stopped trying to play tricks on him to make him see what he had lost because he couldn’t just slow down. Eventually he didn’t wake every morning expecting to see someone curled up beneath the sheets beside him or to walk into the kitchen to find the ever studious business major drinking from the blue mug with the chip in the handle as he checked the news on his phone

Though from what he could see down the bar, Calum hadn’t been on his own since Luke saw him last. Or at least he wasn’t right now. 

Luke watches a laugh escape Calum’s lips while he reaches for his glass on the bartop (always a whiskey man, Luke was never not teasing him for his old man drink preferences). He takes a sip and then raises his brows, his lips moving to ask a question Luke can still hear rolling off his tongue if he thinks back hard enough. He watches the glass get passed along to the blonde sitting in front of him and facing away from Luke. The glittering in Calum’s eye changes some as his bottom lip gets pulled between his teeth while a smirk forms on one side of his face. Luke can see the other man’s shoulders rise slightly in response to taking the sip and he wonders if the scrunched up face he used to pull when sipping Calum’s liquor is anything like this new man’s. He figures it must be as Calum’s face softens in a still vaguely familiar way and Luke watches him lean forward to press a kiss to the blonde’s cheek while a hand lifts to cover the other. 

Luke squeezes his eyes shut and forces his face away from the couple. He takes a sip of his soda before shrugging his denim jacket from his arms, the bar suddenly feeling far too warm. He’s reaching for his phone in the pocket of his jacket, ready to send Ashton an SOS to get him to hurry along, when a soft voice behind him nearly throws him to the opposite side of the bar. “Luke?”

He jumps as he spins in the stool he’s seating in, Luke’s eyes suddenly meeting the ones he’s been searching for in every corner of the world. He used to spend hours lying awake thinking about this exact moment, about what it would be like to speak again for the first time with his lost great love. (If Ashton were able to hear him thinking that he would scold Luke for being so dramatic. You’re literally 24. Calm down, Luke.) “Hi, Calum,” he returns, praying his voice isn’t as shaky as it feels. The name feels foreign on his tongue and he can’t tell if he’s thankful for that or not.

“How’re you doing, man?” Calum asks, a small smile playing at his lips. “It’s wild to see you in here, not gonna lie. Thought you were still off somewhere with your wanderlust.”

Luke tries to be as subtle as he can as he reaches for his wrist to pinch himself since he’s not entirely sure he believes this moment to be real. He coughs and shakes himself out of his daze. He’s got to be an adult about all of this, he’s a grown up now. “Yeah, I moved back a couple months ago. Was starting to really stress out Mom with the whole travel thing. I’ve moved in with Ashton, if you remember him? He helped me get this admin job at the law firm he’s interning at.”

“Of course I remember Ash!” Calum beams. Luke wonders if he’s also playing at being cool but then he remembers that Calum actually had the guts to walk over to him so maybe this is just a part of being settled down. “Happy for you, Luke. Sounds like a good set up.”

Luke ignores the nostalgia threatening to cloud up his mind at the sound of his name falling from Calum’s lips a second time. “You still working for Donny then?”

“I am! He gave me like, a month after grad to chill before I got back to my old desk with a stack two feet high of files,” Calum laughs and Luke finds himself doing the same. Calum’s internship boss had always been fond of them together. Donny had once helped Luke get flowers delivered for their third anniversary. He was a good guy. “Actually, just got promoted to Managing Financial Advisor earlier this week. Was here, uh, celebrating tonight wit-”

“Hey Cal, thought I lost you there.”

The blonde Luke had only seen the back of before steps into view, his hand dropping to Calum’s back. He’s just barely shorter than Calum, though that’s likely due to the boots the latter is wearing. His eyes are wide and a pale green, like leaves in early spring. Luke wants to hate him but he can’t. This guy looks pretty nice, unfortunately. 

“Sorry, love,” Calum replies softly, his hand lifting subconsciously to push hair from the other man’s eyes. It’s an action Luke remembers fondly (and somewhat painfully, if he’s being honest with himself). “Found a familiar face. Michael, this is Luke. Luke, this is Michael.”

Michael’s eyes widen just the slightest bit. Luke isn’t surprised. He can basically guarantee that he’s sitting right at the top of Calum’s ex-boyfriends to discuss list. They spent nearly all of undergrad together. If Michael’s been around for even a little bit it makes sense that he’s heard about Luke. “Nice to meet you, mate.” 

“Yeah, you too.” Luke accepts the hand being offered to shake. The whole situation feels way too formal but also dazed. Though Luke is still drunk and there’s way too many memories dancing through his mind of nights out with Calum and nights in with Calum and Calum Calum Calum. 

“Well,” Calum starts, his hand moving to rest lower against Michael’s back. “Our Uber is here but I’m glad I saw you Luke. Take care of yourself.”

Luke nods and wishes them both the same in a small voice while they wander away from him. He can’t hear it but based on the worried look he can see on Michael’s face as they head for the door and the way he wraps his arm more firmly around Calum’s waist, Luke knows he wasn’t the only one faking a brave face. 

(He allows himself a moment to give into memory then as he thinks back on one of the last times he was headed out of this bar with Calum. It was early February, just a week and change past Calum’s birthday. The air is cold enough to see their breaths as they giggle and bumble about their new courses. Calum keeps lifting Luke’s hands between his own to blow warm air onto them to keep them warm as they head in the direction of his apartment. 

When they finally make it up to the third floor and through Calum’s door, they both kick off their boots. Luke’s gone for his easier to remove ones so he has a moment to lean against the door while laughing as Calum pulls at the laces of his Docs. Once removed, Calum steps over to Luke, his arms looping around his waist while Luke’s drop to hang over his shoulders. Their laughter dies out as they sway back and forth slightly in the entryway. 

“God, I love you,” Luke sighs as he drops his forehead to Calum’s. “Never want to stop loving you.”

“Please don’t.” Calum laughs gently before turning his head so their lips press together. 

Whether it's seconds or hours that they stand there kissing while holding each other in the dull entryway light, Luke doesn’t know. He doesn’t care. All that matters is that Calum never lets go.)

Luke’s phone buzzes on the bartop, a text from Ashton appearing to alert him that he’s waiting in the lot out front. Luke tips back the last of his soda and shouts a thank you to the bartender. He pulls on his jacket and heads in the direction of the door.

He turns for a moment before reaching to push through back out into the cold. He glances around the open room, quick moments of memories playing out in front of him from the years before. He sighs and pulls himself out of it again. 

Maybe it’s time to find a new spot to land.

*

[realfuurikuuri]

Chapters: 14/? Fandom: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon) Relationships: Mao Mao/Tanya Keys, Mao mao/badgerclops Characters: Mao Mao, Badgerclops, King Snugglemane, Adorabat, Orangusnake, Basically everyone from the show, Fanchild - Character, Tanya Keys, Shin Mao

Summary: MissingArm!AU: When escaping the cave, it wasn't his tail that got crushed. In exchange for his innocence, he gained a sordid past. The Pure Heart Valley seemed like a good place to escape. To start a new life with a new family to forge a new identity. However, when the past rears its ugly head Mao Mao's forced to step up or be put down.

Direct AO3 Link: XXXX

Chapter Below Cut: 

AN:  Fun fact: this chapter was actually finished and ready to post Wednesday, but I forgot to post it, so now it's coming to you Friday. I was also busy playing SUPERHOT and it's sequel MIND CONTROL DELETE. It's a great game and I don't even like FPS that much. Still haven't finished Devil Survivor, but I'm getting at Belial's fight so I'm making progress. As always thanks Spookylovesboba and enjoy the chapter. This chapter's song rec: The Mystic by Adam Jensen (A strange creator with a strange sound, but I like it I guess)

Was he dead? There was darkness all around him. It was terribly cold. He was wet, too. Had he finally crossed the River Sanzu? Or maybe he was still crossing it? Strange, he thought he’d be hung up about dying, but Mao Mao couldn’t actually say he was. There were a few things he still wanted to do. Make up with his son. Make up with Tanya. Enjoy being free from the Mao-clan. Oh well, there’s nothing a dead-man could do about that.

Fortunately, he wasn’t dead. It took some time, but his eyes adjusted to the darkness revealing a rocky ceiling, rocky walls, rocky floors, and a rocky everything else. He was underground, but this certainly wasn’t a grave. He must have fallen down the sinkhole, he rationalized to himself, although the stalagmites hanging from the ceiling, the shallow river running underneath him, and the vast empty darkness made him think this was more than a sinkhole.

“Who woulda thunk that there’s an entire cave system underneath the town,” he told no one in particular, which was why he was so surprised when he got an answer.

It wasn’t words, instead, it was a nasal grunt of pain. Mao Mao sifted through the rocks to find the source. He suspected a sweetipie was the source of the noise, but when he saw Orangusnake’s head poking through the rubble he grabbed him by the throat and yanked.

His heart skipped a beat when he pulled the head, the neck, and the rest of the body. Mao Mao staggered back and began to wretch. What just happened? What did he do? He just killed a man! Normally, that wouldn’t bother him, but he just yanked out a man’s head like this was some sort of video-game. Mao Mao took a step back to gather himself. He breathed in and breathed out. The panic drained out of him only for more to settle back in.

“What are you doing,” Orangusnake’s head asked.

“Nothing I’m just-” Mao Mao did a double-take. Orangusnake was fine, or more aptly put, the snake was fine.

“You! You! How- why- what are you!” he screamed at the snake, snatching by the throat again.

Instead of answering back, he let out strangled gasps. Mao Mao groaned and dropped the snake to the ground. He tried to slither away, but Mao Mao stepped onto the end of his tail.

“Alright, alright,” the snake said,” my name is Coby.”

“I thought it was Orangusnake.”

“No, our name is Orangusnake.”

“What do you mean by our name ?”

“Me and Tanner.”

“Who the fuck is Tanner?”

“The orangutan!”

“What Orangutan?”

“You know the arms, the legs, the face on my stomach.”

“Wait… the face isn’t some weird decoration?”

“No!”

“That’s a person?”

“Yes!”

“... is this some weird sex thing?”

Mao Mao never got his answer. The snake wiggled from his grasp and began to slither away. Mao Mao snatched at the ground only to catch pieces of gravel. He turned to the snake who had wrapped himself on a stalagmite out of his reach.

“Get down here,” he ordered.

“No,” Orangusnake spat back.

“I’m not going to chase you around this cave all damn day.”

“Then I'll stay up here.”

Mao Mao put his face in his hand and sighed,” look. Orangusnake, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, where is the other one? Tanner?”

The snake’s head perked up.

“See my point? Now get off your ass. We certainly won’t find an exit like that.”

“What about finding Tanner?”

Mao Mao looked to the pile of rocks and debris that now plugged the hle they fell through. He’s either dead underneath all of that, or,” he added before the snake could object,” he’s on the other side of the mess, which hopefully connects back over here.”

The snake dashed from the stalagmite, wrapping himself around Mao Mao’s torso and tugged to drag him forward. “Then what are you waiting for? Let’s go!”

Mao rolled his eyes and sighed, taking solace in the fact that half-of-Orangusnake, Coby he called himself, was finally moving.

* * *

Mao Mao explored the winding caverns. For once, having a glowstick came in handy. He held up Geraldine to get the only light they had. More than once they came to a dead-end and had to double back. Coby complained the entire time like he was the one actually doing all the walking. He whined and whined with that annoying nasally voice of his. The only saving grace was that it all became an Indistinguishable mess to his ears. Thankfully, if Shin taught him anything its how to fake paying attention.

“Do you understand what I’m saying,” Coby asked.

“Yeah, sure.”

“So, what should I do,” Coby asked.

“I can see that.”

“Are you even listening?”

“Not now,” Mao Mao said too late to catch himself.

“Of course, you weren’t listening,” the snake said,” you don’t even care!”

“At least you know that.”

“This is why your son doesn’t like you.”

Coby immediately recoiled back, regretting his words. For good reason. Mao Mao’s first instinct was to choke the life out of him. What did this snake know about Jǐngtì? Then came the sobering thought that the snake probably did know a lot. More than Mao Mao did, at least. Everything he knew about Jǐngtì was 5 years out of date. He was no longer the same toddler he carried on his shoulders. He was different from how he remembered. Maybe he never remembered correctly in the first place. He was different from how he remembered. Maybe he never remembered correctly in the first place.

“Alright, fine. I’m sorry for not listening. What were you saying?”

Coby seemed taken aback by the heel-face turn. He eyed Mao Mao suspiciously. “Why the sudden change?”

“It will pass the time while we look for an exit,” Mao Mao said.

“You mean look for Tanner,” Coby said.

“Yeah, sorry, look for Tanner is what I should’ve said.”

Orangusnake pulled back and narrowed his eyes. “What has gotten into you?”

“Nothing. Noting at all,” Mao Mao lied.

He wasn’t going to tell Orangusnake the truth. He wasn’t going to tell him that when Jǐngtì was born Mao Mao constantly told himself he’d be different from Shin. He wasn’t going to tell him that he quite literally regurgitating the same meaningless lines Shin used. Mao Mao would’ve laughed at the irony if self-hatred wasn’t boiling in his stomach.

“I was talking about my crew.”

“What does the rest of the Sky Pirates have to do with anything?”

“Everything! They’re why we’re stuck down here.”

“They are?”

“Yes. Weren’t you listening?”

“Sorry?���

Oragusnake rolled his eyes and gagged. “And stop being so apologetic. It’s weird.”

“Sorry,” slipped out of Mao Mao’s lips before he even realized it. Orangusnake sighed and brushed it aside. “As I was saying, this is all the fault of my crew.”

“How?”

“Because they weren’t listening!”

“What do you mean?”

“They just don’t listen! I say to do this, they do that. I tell them to do one thing and they do something else.”

Maybe you should try being more clear with your directions?”

“It’s not that they don’t understand. It's that they just don’t follow directions. It’s like they just want to spite me.”

“Then I don’t know what to tell you? If they don’t want to listen then they don’t. I can’t really help you with that.”

“What about your team? Why do they listen to you?”

That question made Mao Mao stumble, figuratively, and literally. Mao Mao managed to break his fall before he smashed his head against the rocks, although it was a second before he got back up. He was distracted by the hundreds of thoughts that flashed through his head in an instant. The first answer that came to mind was that they listened to him because he was reliable. However, even he knew that wasn’t the answer. If anything he’s the one relying on them. To take care of Adorabat, to take him to the hospital, to fix the house, to even watch his son. The next reason why they might listen to him is because of his experience, but the only thing he has experience with is failing everybody around him. Why did they listen to him?

“I don’t know,” Mao Mao answered in a voice barely above a whisper.

“What’d you say,” Coby asked.

“Nothing, just a grunt of pain,” he lied, making his stomach boil all over again. “Actually, I said I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what?”

“I don’t know why they listen to me.”

“Oh… well, don’t ask me. I don't know why they follow you either- urk!”

Mao Mao pinched Coby’s mouth close with his hand after having stabbed a glowing Geraldine into the ground. He closed his eyes, listening to something. Underneath the sound of their conversation, underneath the ambient sound of the stream by their feet was something else. A quiet chatter; like someone absently muttering to themselves, or the grind of teeth. Soon, Mao Mao’s eyes could make out a vague shape in the darkness.  It was not something Mao Mao released his hand from the snake’s mouth, resting it comfortably on Geraldine’s hilt.

When the creature finally got close enough he pulled out Geraldine and swung at the figure, however, he stopped just short of slicing off an Orangutan’s head.

Mao Mao jumped in surprise when Coby freed himself from his waist, traveled up his sword, and wrapped himself around the Orangutan. Mao Mao watched the two, he heard them say things, but the words were lost somewhere in the confusion of watching a snake and Orangutan kiss. It was then that Mao Mao realized something Orangusnake: Orangutan - Snake. He assumed the name had some meaning but didn’t expect its meaning to be so literal.

“So, you just let him guide you? You let him fight for you and do basically everything at his whim?”

“Yeah,” Coby, err Orangusnake said unironically.

“So you’re willing to let him risk your life because you trust him?”

“Yeah.”

Mao Mao squinted his eyes and had his mouth hanging open like a fish. He didn’t move until he cocked his head to the side as he felt some sort of answer starting to form. The relationship Tanner had with Coby was similar to one of his own. The reason why Coby let Tanner control his movements and why Badgerclops and Adorabat followed his lead was the same, and it was the lack of that reason that made Jǐngtì so rebellions. But, what was the reason?

Mao Mao racked his brain, forcing the gears in his head to turn. He could feel an answer coming. It was right in front of him, yet it was like the steam from a teapot. Something you could briefly feel if you reached out, but would always disappear leaving a vague notion of what it was. He’d probably be able to grasp the answer if it wasn’t for that chattering!

Mao Mao’s eyes shot open. Mao Mao took his sword out of the ground to rest it on his shoulder. Orangusnake noticed this and was about to say something before Mao Mao glared at him, scaring him to silence real quick. The chatter hadn’t disappeared. The noise surrounded them like a barely audible whisper. He assumed it was Tanner making that chattering noise, but he was wrong. They weren’t alone in these caves.

Something approached and Mao Mao thrust his sword forward, stumbling when it glanced off the ant’s exoskeleton. It was large and red, like a fire ant, but its eyes glowed a furious yellow. Coby screamed and to Tanner’s credit he quickly moved as the ants began to swarm. No point in fighting a losing battle. Mao Mao joined them, running blind in the darkness.

The ants came out in droves, following them with their mandibles chattering and chomping at the air. Mao Mao cursed his hubris. There wasn’t a cave system underneath the valley, but an entire ant colony. Certainly, a problem that should be dealt with, but that would come later. Right now, he followed Orangusnake up a rocky slope. The slope grew steeper and steeper until they were scaling a vertical wall.

“We’re almost there,” Orangusnake shouted,” just keep moving.

Easy for him to say. He wasn’t the one climbing with one arm. Mao Mao held Geraldine with his tail, doing his best to climb the wall, but claws don’t work on stone. He reached the top, grabbing onto the rocky ledge only to have it crumble under his fingers. The air was beginning to whistle past his ears when Orangusnake snatched him by the wrist. He pulled him over the ledge.

The two, perhaps three depending on how you count, stopped to catch their breath.

“Let’s never do that again,” Orangusnake insisted.

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Mao Mao huffed,” and Orangusnnake…”

“What?”

“Thanks for saving me.”

Orangusnake stared at him for a solid second before pretending to retch,” that was so sweet I feel like I’m going to die of diabetes.”

“Well, I know what to do the next time you try to take the Ruby Pure Heart,” Mao Mao said.

Orangusnake mimicked vomiting before turning his attention to the path ahead. Mao Mao did the same when he noticed the echo of a gentle melody. Strange, but worth investigating. He and Orangusnake headed down the path as the music grew louder. Mao Mao had the feeling he heard the song before. He wanted to say at the thumb wrestling festival, but that couldn’t be it. Why would festival music be playing in the depths of a cave? Actually, a better question would be why is any music playing in the depths of a cave?

They came upon a massive ornate door. Gilded doorknobs and felt coverings and the works. If Mao Mao was an idiot, and he was in just a good enough mood to be one, he might have fantasized about whatever big phat reward waited for him. He looked to Orangusnake who gave him a nod and threw the door open.

Snugglemagne let out quite the undignified shriek. “Sheriff? What are you doing here,” he asked.

“What am I- what are you doing here?”

“Practicing Harpsichord.”

“20 feet underground in a sealed chamber?”

“I’m very shy.”

“What about the monsters?”

“Overgrown pest, I’m afraid. I’ve laid out traps, but they don’t seem to be working.”

“That’s because they’ve made a nest underneath the town!”

“Oh. Better get an exterminator then.”

Mao Mao pinched the bridge of his nose. “Where’s the exit to this hellhole?”

“You can’t miss it. About 60 yards back, up the steps, and through the secret passage.”

* * *

The passage opened to the front of the castle. The sky was dark, only lit by stars and lightning bugs. Mao Mao was surprised to see the critters were still out; summer’s end was only a month or two away. Orangusnake took a deep breath of fresh air and stretched. It looked rather weird without the armor.

“Well that was a trail,” Orangusnake said,” I’ll be back for the Ruby Pure Heart some other time.”

“You can try. Kill you later?”

Orangusnake paused before repeating,” kill you later,” in confirmation as the two went their separate ways.

* * *

Mao Mao walked up the large hill back to HQ. His stomach growled and he hoped Badgerclops made actual food instead of a toast-tower again. It was just his luck that the one time Badgerclops doesn’t forget the Aerocycle is the only time Mao Mao would need it to get back. He went for the doorknob to find it locked. He went for his keys only to find them gone. With no other choice, he knocked on the door.

He could hear voices on the other side and it was another second before the door actually opened. Mao Mao couldn’t tell who was more surprised to see the other person: him or Jǐngtì.

[mieczyhale]

a messy explanation of things and unnecessary information about life lately

soooo... right. i’m sorry i haven’t really been around aside from popping in here and there, and that i’ve been taking longer than usual to reply to things / not replying to things at all. it’s NOT that i’m upset with anyone or trying to ignore / avoid anyone, and it’s not that i don’t care / don’t love talking to you (whomstever you may be) i love chatting with y’all and wish i could get myself to reply to things quicker but i do not control the me lmfao honestly my sleep has never had a schedule but in recent weeks it’s kinda been operating like there’s a lil gremlin in my head who spins a wheel and picks my sleeping times at random - and it’s either like.. two hours or most of a day. there hasn’t been a lot of in between so that’s a thing!!

also in a fun added mix of maybe sleep?, missing meds, being stuck in the house more often than not, and the FUCKING EVERYTHING happening in the world right now my mental health is... probably run by the same goblin that runs my sleep schedule lmao consistency whomst?? since the lockdown started the depression has of course been around more but actually, worse than that, is how my anxiety - and by extension: my ocd - have really amped up and i need y’all to know that the struggle is painfully real (and another thing that affects shit like my replies and writing. reading as well. fics have been kinda stressful and that should be illegal. who authorized this?) i don’t hate talking about it but i don’t really like it either?? especially like.. in depth. but i will say there has been crying, screaming, pain!, and i’ve acquired a few physical injuries.

so

yeah

on a personal level - a ‘just me’ level - shit is an even bigger mess than usual lmao but all these things will get better eventually - they always do. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOW

ON A PERSONAL LEVEL - THE FULL LEVEL - THINGS.... are pretty great actually! i mean aside from the state of my fucking house e__e but Josh has been working from home for two (2) months now and it’s been really nice - people complaining about their partners being home?? can’t relate. yknow what?? i just might love that tall bastard even more from all this.fuck all y’all miserable fucks

we’ve been going out for drives and we’ve gone fishing and the only place i’ve gone too that’s re-opened is goodwill. because i require.. the shop. they do have a masks required rule! (at least at the one here) and, alongside that, the places we’ve gone that never closed (like grocery stores and the gas station and the hardware store) have social distancing rules and stuff in place which i love. can we keep social distancing after this is all over?? more things here in wisconsin are opening up and we might go to some. idk though. we also might not. either way its still a weird kind of exciting to see things opening back up?? even though i do think we’re not totally in the clear because most of our gov. sucks (our mayor tried to extend our stay-at-home order - keyword there is TRIED. we are the land of cheese, cows, and no fucking braincells for anyone) 

having pets is obviously not a new thing for me but it’s still a thing. so it takes time and effort and energy and patience and love and a certain disregard for your own safety (claws. they really be as sharp as you think) so... it can be stressful, especially cuz we’ve had to keep them inside more as it gets hot out and something keeps breaking our porch screens (our cats are allowed onto our screened in porch or they can go out in a harness but we will never let them run free outside. fuck that noise)  my bbies are all so cute and their personalities and idiosyncrasies are just... *chefs kiss* i love em and they’re definitely a part of what has made quarantine better

i’ve seen my mom a few times, like for my birthday and when she needed help moving Isaiah from one dorm to another and such, but that’s primarily been an option because she has become anti-mask and anti-stay-at-home-order. initially she wasn’t - she gave Isaiah and i fun lil masks since at that time trying to buy them would be impossible and she thought nothing of staying home - but i guess either as its dragged on or as she’s consumed her middle-right wing news that changed s o. she does take social distancing in public very seriously though, so at least there’s that. our favorite coffee shop, where we - pre-lockdown - always went one (1) or two (2) times a week to do art for hours re-opens on monday and that’s one of the few things i’ve truly missed.

josh’s camping trip for this weekend with his friends had to be cancelled because the parks weren’t going to open in time. so today they’re going somewhere to do at least some of the things they would have done if they had gone camping. bikes, bonfires, and cigars. i’m kinda jealous negl but he was really excited about it so mostly i’m happy

trying to figure out how human services was running things during lockdown was rough but thankfully it didn’t take much to get it sorted. mostly because my mom made the phone call i was supposed to lol (the phone anxiety is on its own level) so wednesday afternoon my mom sat with me while i had the appointment with my psychiatrist over speakerphone (which was.. an experience)

ummm.....

OH YEAH! Probably absolutely my favorite thing that’s happened is: WE’RE STARTING THE SEARCH FOR A NEW HOUSE!!!! it doesn’t mean we’re gonna be moving soon or anything, we don’t want to make the same mistake twice (buying the first house you tour that you love) because while it is a great house ultimately it is way too small for us. i mean there’s me and josh, all six cats, and ALL OUR SHIT. listen: i have an entire room dedicated to my various hobbies. and a walk in closet that isn’t big enough. and we both have collections we love and want to display (right now upstairs its hello kitty and downstairs its astronomy and the titanic. and then there’s pop figures, mtg, collectibles, our bottle collection and various knickknacks, etc.) plus all our books! then furniture and cat furniture (i.e towers) and all their shit because they are spoiled babies. and god forbid we ever have a human kid?? yeah. it’s just not big enough. 

so we’re gonna take more time with this choice but what we do know is:: we wanna live out in the country (i’m paranoid and don’t like to be looked at and he loves the outdoors, lived on a farm for awhile. i also enjoy the outdoors but mostly since we moved into this house i’ve struggled with doing anything outside... while we only have one neighbor on our road. but there’s one across the road and one at the other side of our backyard and that’s just too much lol) 

lets see.. um.... my birthday was may 2nd and that was pretty nice, for a pandemic birthday. there’s been a lot of stuff happening involving josh’s family but that’s not something i really wanna get into on here, tho i will say things have been better in recent weeks and it’s been... really nice. josh and i went to his mom’s house the other night and got drunk with her for fun and i actually had a really good time?? and didn’t complain about going?? that’s kinda unheard of.

i don’t have a job anymore - haven’t since early march-ish - and it kinda sucks but also the universe really did me a solid because my choices were either allow myself to work until i have a mental break again or quit. and i was leaning towards quitting (things had been going down hill with the owner and other employees and just the business as a whole for awhile and there’s a limit to the amount of bullshit i can take thanks) but now it doesn’t seem i have to. why do i think i’m jobless? i was barely working anyway, bc of the snow business was slow, and in march i got really sick and stayed home for a week. the day i was supposed to go back i was still sick, and covid19 was starting to become more of a serious situation everywhere, so josh called in for me and explained that between still being sick and my anxiety over covid (asthma + a not so great immune system) i wasn’t going in that day. i never heard from them again. so. 

but it’s all good - there are some options but i’m not looking into them seriously until it’s safe to.

SO

THAT’S ALL OF FUCKING THAT ON THAT

i felt it wouldn’t be a bad idea to come on here and explain A. what’s been going on and B. where i’ve been and C. that if i haven’t responded to you or acknowledged something you sent me / tagged me in it’s literally just because i either forgot to (for all reasons and none) or i don’t have the mental space / energy to. but that doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to me! even if i don’t respond or respond immediately i do read everything and i would die for any one of you fuckers (especially my clowns and the tom hardy movie) 

oh! and just btw - sometimes i don’t get notifications (quelle surprise) tumblr and skype should really pair up and talk about their truly great systems that function so well /s 8| ANYWAY: the best and most reliable ways to get my attention are twitter ( @/mieczyhale) and discord (same name) because i have yet to see their notifications fail. ahem.

i feel like i’m missing things / forgetting things but honestly this post is long enough and also enough of a rambley mess that i’m just gonna try and ignore that feeling and carry on with my goddamn day so i might actually accomplish something. sorry if there’s spelling off or missing words. i’m not taking the time to re-read this and might even delete it bc it’s already giving me anxiety bUT WE’LL SEE ALRIGHT HI AND BYE I LOVE YOU GUYS <3

[spinblue]

—How I Run My Blog!

if it wasn’t obvious already, I literally cannot shut the fuck up ever. I also never heard of condensing. That is a foreign concept to me.

Speed Basically I’m as slow as Sonic is fast — 

I wish I could do replies faster, but I just can’t? I have literally sat at my computer for hours trying to reply and it just doesn’t happen. I guess I gotta be in a certain mindset to do replies, but heck if I know what kind. awoienaoweawenawe 

I just don’t want to give out shitty replies, and in order for my replies to not be downright awful I gotta work on them a lot aowienaowie it doesn’t come naturally to me at all. 

Replies

I'm all for rping any lengths and mostly I just try to match my rp partner’s lengths, and try to keep in mind what it seems like they are comfortable with. 

Which includes not going over, and I gotta tell you, there have been threads were I have deleted multiple paragraphs of my reply because I realize that not everyone is up for multiparagraphed (borderline novella at times) threads. I just physically do not know how to NOT ramble.

That being said, if I ever do go off in one of our threads — you don’t gotta match lengths. Just give me your best shot and it’ll be fine, I promise. I’m never counting paragraphs here. 

Formatting is very minimal, with usually just one icon per reply. I try to reply more or less in order ( so I try to reply to the threads where I was given the reply first ) but, unfortunately my muse doesn’t work that way all the time, so I do skip around here and there. I apologize if you’ve been waiting for a reply for a long while, I promise it’s not because I don’t want to rp with you, but as I said, I am horrendously slow at all things. 

Starters

I don’t usually post starter calls. I lack the creativity honestly aoweianwe But also I am usually super behind on replies as is so ( though then again, that doesn’t stop me from liking other people’s starter calls and inbox calls bc I am a fool )

I do inbox calls occasionally, though! Usually when I’m lacking muse for anything in my drafts but wanna do something small. These can absolutely turn into threads and can sort of be seeing as a super mini starter? Though they also do not have to turn into anything more than a one-off interaction. Usually I ask if it’s okay to reply to an ask answer before I reply to it. 

Inbox

My inbox is always open! I am horrendously slow at answering asks too though. Gosh I’m a mess. But if you ever do have something you wanna send me, please do! I’ll get to it eventually I promise aowienaowe

I’m forever accepting any and all memes that I reblog! If you wanna interact with me but lack ideas/kinda shy, sending in a sentence prompt meme is probably the best way to start, tbh. 

Though I’m also perfectly okay with unprompted asks being sent! Just send me anything and everything tbh 

I’ll always be open to turning an ask that I answer into a full thread if you want to! 

Selectivity

I’m semi-selective and completely mutuals only. I do wish I could rp with everyone, but as I have said for each of these sections bc it affects literally everything I do — I am horrendously slow. 

I also like to keep my dash clean, so I may not follow back if there are a lot of non-rp related things reblogged. I also usually don’t follow back blogs that have no rules, though sometimes I make exceptions if I know the mun is someone chill. 

If you break my rules, that’s an automatic I’m never going to interact, sorry. It just says to me that either you didn’t bother to read them in the first place, or you did read them but then decided to ignore it. Neither is great honestly. 

Please respect people’s rules. They are there for a reason.

Wishlist ( some of these I have threads for already, but I always want more okay aoweinwe )

I want to do a thread with Sonic signing for most of it, for whatever reason.

Someone calling Sonic out on his bullshit and how he has royally fucked up in IDW. I want someone to actually blame him, resent him, because those were actual, real, people that were all affected just because Sonic wanted to play the ‘good guy’ and believe in the ‘good’ in people despite having every reason to not. 

Sonic actually talking with someone and telling them how much he cares for them. I don’t see him as the mushy-talky kind of guy. He usually likes to speak with actions rather than words — but at the same time words can be powerful. And one day he’ll just have to let his friends know how much they mean to him. 

Basically give me anything with soft. 

I live for supportive Sonic who’s life advice is basically just to go for it. To smile, to run, because you do have the freedom to, you just gotta make use of it. 

I’d like a thread where Sonic can just joke around too?? Like he’d poke fun at someone, be poked fun at back, and just be general little shits together. Just a small silly thread for the fun of it 

A lot more but I have zero memory when I need it

Honest Note

Okay real talk for a sec, but I sit on replies for weeks, and yet I want to always create more threads?? 

There are times where I want to invade people’s dms and talk about ideas and such that I have and that I want to thread. But then I look at my drafts and see that I still owe a reply, and feel too guilty to ask for more aoweinawe 

Also I’m awful at one-on-one conversation. I just??? Don’t have the capability of keeping conversations going aoiwenaewoaieniaw I have no idea how to. So if we have talked and the conversation just fades out on my end, I am so very sorry and i promise it’s not a sign that I don’t want to talk with you. I just fail at human interaction aoweianwewe 

But I do want to get to know everyone that I follow. You all are awesome as heck alright. 

Other than that, know that I adore you all a lot. It’s a lot of fun seeing everyone on dash! Whether you are doing ic stuff, or ooc things. Keep doing what you are doing, because you’re doing great just as you are! 

[astarlightmonbebe]

☪ ⋆ Table For Two ☪ ⋆

When your friends set you up on a blind date, you’re expecting to hate it, but Han Jisung takes you by surprise.

Word Count: 3.7k

Pairing: Han Jisung x fem!reader

Other members: Hwang Hyunjin and Lee Felix

A/n: this is just a thing that came to mind; hope you all find it cute!

“On a scale of one to ten, how opposed would you be to going on a blind date?” Felix asks, sticking his freckled face right up into yours.

“Firstly, get out of my face.” You say with a look of disgust, slamming your locker shut and throwing your equipment bag over your shoulder. “Secondly, I’m so opposed to that idea that a number one through ten wouldn’t be able to rate how much I’m opposed to it.”

Felix sticks out his tongue at you. “Too bad for you. It’s at seven o’clock tonight, at Scoops For Two, with one of Hyunjin’s elementary school friends. He says he’s super nice, super single, and super cute. Sounds perfect, right?”

“No.” You deadpan, starting to walk towards the double doors. Felix trails after you, chattering away about Hyunjin’s great friend. He’s apparently a musician and he has dyed hair and he talks a lot, so he could totally carry the conversation—you held up a hand right in front of Felix’s mouth, stopping him from saying more.

“Felix, I’m not going on a date with someone Hyunjin set me up with.” You say with an annoyed sigh. Felix’s mouth opens and closes in resemblance with a fish.

“But y/n…” He whines, flinging his arms around your neck and dragging his feet. You try to shove him off to no avail; Felix has all the cling-ability of an octopus, even without little suction cups to keep him in place.

“I’ll pay you.” Felix whispers in your ear. You stop and tilt your head back to look at him. You raise one eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue. “I’m a little broke, but twenty bucks?”

“Yeah, right.” You say with a snort, turning back around.

“Thirty!” Felix bargains. “Come on, mate, I promised Hyunjin that you would definitely be coming.”

“Your mistake.” You reply lightly, pushing through the doors and out into the sunshine.

“Fifty.” Felix says with an air of resignation to him. You spin around, smiling.

“Deal.”

—

Scoops For Two is a popular ice cream shop on the edge of a giant strip mall that’s taken up half of your small town, a small cafe style restaurant best inhabited by high school kids much like yourself. At the moment it’s not occupied by that many people, the dinner rush past, especially for a Tuesday.

You enter it cautiously, tugging at the edges of the dress Hyunjin had stuffed you into. As soon as you had caved in for the blind date, Felix had called Hyunjin and the two of them had promptly taken over your bedroom and executed a mass cleaning as they looked through your closet for appropriate clothes, yelling at you when you tried to interfere, because you apparently ‘had less fashion sense than a human hippo would’—the compliment courtesy of Felix, but seconded by Hyunjin.

It’s not hard to find your blind date: there’s only one single guy sitting at a table for two among the couples scattered across the shop. He looks up at the sound of the bells jangling, eyes alighting on you and—oh, wow—he’s more than just super cute. He’s really cute. No, he’s so handsome it’s making your eyes hurt.

You look away, walking over to him and sitting down across from him. “I’m y/n.” You say, crossing your arms and trying to look as disinterested as possible. “Are you Hyunjin’s friend?”

His eyes fixate on you, a beautiful hazel shade that seem to be kaleidoscoping when you focus on them for too long. His hair is indeed dyed, a violet that is fading into his caramel roots, tousled and messy, falling in front of those eyes when he moves. He has that grunge style you’re kind of into, though you’d rather die than have people find out you have a type. Dressed in a pair of black jeans faded with time and torn with it too, red Doc Martens laced up over his feet, a matching red plaid shirt tied around his waist, his shirt an old Rolling Stones one. You’re not sure if he has the shirt just for the aesthetic or if he really likes them—you won’t judge either way.

Still, his casual style makes you feel extremely dressed up, all cutesy in your little knee length white sundress with the straps that keep sliding off your shoulders. At least you have your combat boots on, the metal buckles catching the light. He’s seen them too, and he’s smiling because of that.

“I like your shoes.” He says.

“Thanks.” You reply. “Name, please?” You’re chewing gum, mint, and you blow a bubble deliberately. He watches it pop, the gum disappearing back into your mouth.

“It’s Jisung. Han Jisung.” He tells you. You like his name, even though you won’t tell him that. It sounds nice. Jisung. Han Jisung. It goes together well too.

“Um, did you eat?” He asks. You nod.

“This is an ice cream shop, dude, not a dinner buffet.” You figure that if you’re as mean as possible, it’ll hurt his feelings and he’ll go away soon. Jisung nods.

“Of course.” He says, more to himself than to you. “So...do you want to go up and order something?” He’s clenching his fingers into fists underneath the table and you realize he’s nervous. Huh.

“Yeah, sure.” You say, rising effortlessly and tugging at the bottom of your dress. It’s a little too short for your comfort, but you managed to slip on spandex shorts underneath in case any mishaps happen.

Jisung follows you up, hanging back. You wonder if you’re intimidating him. Hyunjin had given you strict instructions to seem like the best possible version of yourself, and also to smile lots, because you apparently looked ‘scary’ when you weren’t.

The ice cream is arranged colorfully, labelled on the glass by someone with noticeably messy handwriting. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since you’ve actually had ice cream. Sports keep you busy, and you’re not one for social outings.

“One scoop of mint chocolate chip with hot fudge and whipped cream and a cherry.” Jisung orders beside you, smiling down at the ice cream. You look at him with a raised eyebrow. “What?” He asks, expression souring. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who hates mint chocolate chip ice cream.”

You laugh. “What? No. I just think it’s funny you know exactly what you’re going to order.” Turning to the other worker, you say; “I’d like a scoop of cookie dough with caramel sauce, sprinkles, whipped cream, and a cherry.”

Jisung laughs. “You say that, but you’re exactly the same way.”

“No, I’m simply fast at making decisions. Time doesn’t wait around.” You say back crossly, leaning against the glass and watching the worker drizzle caramel over your ice cream. Jisung leans across from you, smiling again. He never seems to stop smiling. Usually that bothers you, but you like his smile, so you decide to just let him.

“Uhuh.” He says, the grin broad on his face. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” You scoff at him, then thank the workers as they hand you your ice cream. “I can pay.” Jisung says, reaching into his pocket.

“I’ll pay for myself, thanks very much.” You reply, lifting your chin. Jisung blinks, then slowly puts his wallet away and nods, motioning for you to go first.

As you’re paying, the worker asks you; “First date?” You stop, so that he has to tug the money out of your hand.

“No.” Jisung answers behind you. “Not yet.” You nod along, wondering why you were so caught off guard by the question. It wasn’t like it was anything deep.

The two of you take your ice cream back to that small round table for two, the chair hard against your back. It seems even more awkward than before, so you eat your ice cream in silence, poking your spoon in the whipped cream and watching how it gets stuck. You can feel Jisung looking at you every time you look down, but you don’t comment on it.

“So, Hyunjin says you play hockey.” Jisung finally starts, sitting back. You look back up at him.

“Yeah. Field and ice.” He nods appreciatively.

“That’s so cool. I’m not good at sports at all.” He chatters on. “I make music instead. Do you like music? Sorry, that’s a stupid question, everyone likes music. Well, not everyone. What artists do you like?”

You set your spoon down and sit back. “Hey, Han Jisung.” He blinks at you again, rapidly. “Do you talk a lot when you’re nervous.”

“Uh, no, I, maybe?” He stutters, and you find yourself smiling against your will.

“Forget it, it’s fine. I like producers like CB97 and r&b. I’ll listen to just about anything, though, because you have to have something to occupy your mind with when you work out. What about you?”

“Um, well, like you I’ll listen to anything. I like rap, but also ballads...yeah, I guess you could say my music taste is pretty varied.” He laughs a little, eyes scrunching up, and gosh, that’s kind of adorable, how they become crescents of happiness. You can feel the awkwardness melting away piece by piece, chipped away at with the start of this conversation.

“Hyunjin did mention you’re a musician. Are you like in a band?”

Jisung laughs, covering his mouth when he does. “Not exactly. Mostly I just mess around with like...Soundcloud...I swear I’m not cringey though! There’s just not really other platforms to post stuff on.”

You’re already pulling out your phone as he talks. “What’s your username?”

His eyes widen in surprise. “What? No! You’ll think it’s so bad.”

You hand the phone over to him and he tentatively accepts it. “Username, Han Jisung. Besides, Hyunjin will just tell me if you don’t.” Jisung sighs, accepting the truth of that statement, and passes the phone back to you.

“J.ONE?” You say aloud, tilting your head. He has a lot of music, you discover, as you scroll through it. Like, a lot. Too many to count. “It looks like you’ve been doing this for a while.” You observe.

Jisung gave you a dry look. “I went through a weird emo middle school phase, so please don’t listen to any of my old songs. I’ve been meaning to delete them, but a lot of people have listened to them...and also made fun of them, but that’s not important.”

You frown. “Okay, I promise I won’t listen to your emo phase music, but the rest of it is up for dibs, right?” You grin, and Jisung’s cheeks redden a fraction. He touches them with the backs of his head, looking even more embarassed.

“Whatever you want, y/n.” He finally responds with a sunny smile. “I expect adequate feedback though. I don’t usually give out my music to pretty girls on first meetings.”

“Well, I’m known to be an exception to that rule.” You proclaim airly.

“Wow, confident much?” He asks, but he’s holding back a laugh as he ducks his head.

“Actually, yes.” You answer as seriously as possible, teasing at this point just to see the expression on his face. “No one matches me when it comes to totally unneeded confidence, so don’t think you’ll be able to even come close.”

“I wasn’t even going to try.” Jisung replies, holding his hands up in an I surrender motion.

“Good.” You say, feeling yourself smiling hard, your cheek muscles aching. It’s been a while since you’ve found yourself smiling for so long. This scruffy looking cute boy has somehow managed to quite possibly win a little bit of your heart. Possibly. Only possibly, of course. It’s too scary to admit that completely to yourself.

“Are you finished?” Jisung asks suddenly, noticing your empty ice cream cup. “Because I have something I want to do. Only if you want to, though.”

You are indeed finished, but you look at him suspiciously all the same. “What sort of thing?”

He smiles cheekily at you. “Can it be a surprise? I pinky promise I’m not going to kidnap you.”

You aren’t concerned about that, which is a surprise given your usual skepticism when meeting new people, especially when you’re alone. “I’ll go along with it just this once.” You say as breezily as possible, feeling a faint pinkness rise in your cheeks. Since when did you blush over boys—albeit very cute ones with really nice smiles and Soundclouds?

He pushes open the door, opening up something on his phone, and turns back to you. “Ready?” He asks, hand outstretched towards you. You stare at it, thinking about what it would feel like to hold his hand, and by the time your mind has returned in order for you to think to grab it, its dropped by his side again.

“Wait.” You say, grabbing it. It’s warm and a rough all at once, old callouses healed over, but that doesn’t bother you. Your own hands hold the remnants of what it’s like to clutch a hockey stick year round. Jisung looks startled but in a pleasant way as he leads you down the road, eyes narrowed at his phone screen.

You walk around the corner and down the road before he stops in front of a bike, scanning a QR code to check it out. “Um…” He glances down at the bike, then back at the two of you. You smirk.

“Get on behind me, lover boy.” You state, swinging your leg over the bike. You’re glad you had the foresight to wear those spandex shorts now.

Jisung sputters at the name. “I swear I’m not a player!” He exclaims, sounding so sincere you can’t help but let out a loud laugh, doubling over the handles as your body shakes.

“Chill, dude, it’s just an expression.” You smile from underneath your veil of hair. “I know you’re not a player, Han Jisung, so don’t take offense.”

Jisung runs his fingers through his hair and has the grace to look embarrassed. “Sorry.” He mumbles, and you motion for him to get on behind you. There’s an awkward moment when he has to squeeze himself to fit, knees almost up to his chest. His arms find their way to your waist, wrapping around it tightly, as if he considers you his only lifeline.

“Where are we off to, Han Jisung?” You ask over your shoulder.

“The boardwalk.” He answers, voice muffled by your shoulder, which he’s leaned his head against without asking, hair tickling the back of your neck. It’s almost...nice, how you can feel how he’s so relaxed against you, as if he trusts you. Who trusts strangers they’ve just met? Only Jisung, apparently.

“What’re we doing there?” You ask jokingly, and you can feel him lift his head to look at the back of his head.

“It’s a secret, of course. Now get pedalling.” You roll your eyes, feeling the burn in your muscles as you set off.

“By the way, you need to swear you won’t sue me if you fall off and get a concussion.” You throw over your shoulder.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Jisung replies, sounding sleepy, even though your pedalling is rough and messy and there are lots of cracks in the sidewalk. “Besides, I thought you had more confidence than anyone else in this world. Aren’t you confident you can keep me safe?” His voice is soft around the edges, wrapping around you and curling through your veins, warm and tingly.

“Don’t worry, I don’t want to ruin that pretty face of yours either.” You respond gently, and he settles back against you as you spend the ride in silence.

The sun is dipping down into golden hour and you tilt your face up to it, enjoying the breeze against you, a relief from the hot summer days you’ve all been suffering from lately as school draws to a close. You like this feeling, you decide: a comforting weight at your back and the wind in your face and the sun making everything prettier, knowing you’re not really that alone.

The boardwalk is old and rickety but surrounded by sand and water, the fair still in session with its glittering lights and larger than life ferris wheel. You park right at the entrance, and Jisung untangles himself from you. It feels empty without him there, after a silent bike ride that lasted for at least a good twenty minutes.

“Golden hour looks good on you.” He acknowledges, and you toss your hair, even though you’re blushing from the compliment.

“Of course it does.” He shakes his head, but he likes your confidence and you both know it.

“What are we going to do here?” You ask, but Jisung just grabs your hand away and leads you in, showing off two tickets he must have stashed in one of those pockets that are scattered throughout his outfit.

“First, we get accessories.” He announces, leading you right to a small shop filled with souvenirs. “To get in a carnival mood.” He declares, and you laugh, looking it over. You pick out a headband with cat ears, sticking it on his head.

“If that’s the case, then I think this is the one for you.” You announce, examining him with a laugh. He does look cute in it, but he pouts at you anyways, finding one with devil horns and jamming it on your head.

“If that’s the case, then I think this one suits your personality.” He says, half laughing at you. You look in the mirror. He’s put it on lopsidedly, of course, so you adjust it with some self consciousness.

“What’s after this?” You ask, looking out across the fair. “Please tell me we’re riding the ferris wheel.” Jisung swallows and looks up at it. “Please?” You add, because if you’re here, then you’re going to have your way for at least one ride.

“I wasn’t planning on rides, but for you, I’d do anything.” He pulls a finger heart out of his jacket and you swat his hand away playfully, even though your heart feels like it’s pumping an electric beat inside of your chest, threatening to break free of your rib cage and jump right into Han Jisung’s hands.

The line for the ferris wheel is short, and soon you find yourself crammed side by side with Jisung on it, only a bar in front of you preventing you from falling. Jisung turns his head to watch the ground disappear, then settles back against the seat. His hands are in his lap, too tightly entwined for you to dare reaching over to grab one of them.

“Truthfully, I’m only on this blind date because Felix said he would pay me fifty dollars.” You tell him suddenly, and it’s so sudden that Jisung starts laughing, leaning out over the bar with his eyes bright.

“So I’m only worth fifty dollars to you?” He asks, poking you in the shoulder. You brush his hand away, nose scrunching up.

“That’s not what I said! You didn’t let me finish.” You pout, and he mouths a silent apology and waves for you to continue on. “I’ve actually had a lot of fun, though, especially considering it’s the first blind date I’ve been on. It’s been nice getting to know you, Jisung.”

Jisung smiles softly at that. “Thanks, y/n.” The ferris wheel creaks upward, then jolts to a sudden halt at the top, sending you both forward. The bar bites into your stomach, and you groan.

“Oh, come on. Isn’t it a little cliche to trap couples at the top?!” You yell down to the worker, who doesn’t seem to hear you as they fiddle with the buttons. You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Wow...we’re really high up.” Jisung notes, his voice coming out shaky. You look over at him and see that your date for the night is looking unusually out of sorts.

“What’s wrong?” You ask in concern.

“Since we’re admitting things tonight, it might be a good time to say that I have a very big fear of heights.” Jisung says flatly, craning his neck to look at the frothing ocean only a drop away. “I don’t suppose you have any good distractions for that, do you? Because I can tell you right now just talking to me will not help in the slightest.”

An idea is formulating in your brain, and you smile. “I do, actually. Look me in the eyes.” He does, turning his head, his eyes colorful orbs with the reflection of the ferris wheel lights in them, hair blowing in the wind.

“What are you doing?” He whispers as you stare up at him, concentrating. You hold up one finger to your lips, making him go quiet. He stares down at you and you gaze up at him, everything going quiet except for your breathing.

Slowly, carefully, you reach up. His eyes track your hand as it traces over his shoulder and around to rest against his neck, pulling him down closer. You can tell he has more to ask, but you suck in a breath and pull his face down towards yours, lips connecting.

It’s brief, two pairs of lips brushing against each other, but it makes you feel things you’ve never felt. Han Jisung’s lips are soft and warm, and his mouth parts against yours in a silent exclamation as you deepen the kiss, hand furled into the collar of his shirt.

The ferris wheel jolts back to life, startling the two of you apart. Jisung is staring at you, chest rising and falling, and you smile at him, feeling shy.

“Did that distract you enough?” You ask innocently, and Jisung blinks several times in rapid succession, then nods slowly. He’s tilting his head, looking at you in a different light, and you wait patiently.

“No wonder you have so much confidence.” He finally murmurs. “You’re freaking beautiful.”

And when Han Jisung kisses you for a second time, you think he’s worth more than money could offer. Up among these clouds, surrounded by light, the water washing up against the shore steadily, you think that he’s quite possibly the best person you’ve ever met.

End.

[vensoul]

So.. I’m kinda gonna do this 40 question for writers thingy because I’m bored and I think it’ll be fun!

Gonna tag.. @erenaeoth ok let’s gooo

Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic: I stay in the mlm realm typically. I like writing slow burns and long stories but sometimes I’ll cook up a one shot

Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to? : I really really wanna write a kinda forbidden love story but I don’t know how many people are down to read about internal and external homophobia :/

Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole? A/B/O never.

How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?: I have so many fic ideas bro. I really really really wanna write a Shane/Rick slow burn but I have too many slow burns already

Share one of your strengths. I like angst?

Share one of your weaknesses. Not very good at making people cry

Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it. Viktor knows the cause of his father’s pain. Supposedly, Balboa, Creed, and Drago were at a party celebrating Balboa’s win again. And it was great for awhile, before some guy tried to pick a fight with Creed. Drago had to break up the fight, and not too long after he had stopped it, Creed was stabbed. So there Ivan was, staring at Apollo desperately trying to stay alive. He could recite every detail. Hand on his bleeding abdomen, the blood running from out of his mouth. Balboa trying to get somebody to help them, yet nobody would help. Apollo’s last words, everything. His friend died in his arms, and it messed with him. In more ways than he could explain, he couldn’t even eat for awhile.

Okay, so I was experimenting with an idea for Rocky and I guess I’m proud of the fact that I can be creative with the way I can bend timelines?

Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it. The two of them locked eyes with each other, Rambo only began to get more nervous than he already was. Neither of them were sure what to say, there wasn’t much to talk about. Neither of them wanted to talk, they barely knew each other. But, assuming that the conversation didn’t have to be about the war, Austrian vet scratched his facial hair, before sitting up straight.

“What’s going through your mind?”

His Austrian accent was probably thicker than the hair on John’s head. John sat in silence for a moment, what was going through his mind? Could he find anything else that wasn’t related to a painful experience? Anything at all?

”Blank.”

John probably spoke for the first time in days, and the change in his voice even surprised him a little. The best way the Austrian vet would describe it, there was not a shred of hope in his voice.

I’m proud because it’s stallonezenegger I love Arnold and Sly they are so 😌💕💕💕

Which fic has been the hardest to write? Warmth.. I’m not straight so writing wlw is kinda hard bc i’m not rlly invested in it?

Which fic has been the easiest to write? Theraputic, Fighting Spirit. Anything with Arnold or Sly or any of my other faves really..

Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby? For me it’s both! I’m passionate about writing but it’s something I do bc it’s a rlly fun hobby for me uwu

Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more? Episode? Not really but I guess Rocky has changed me a bit 🤠

What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across? My friends suggest that I try to be more descriptive.

What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across? None so far

If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose? Please film Fighting Spirit, sly please Adonis and Viktor are dating

If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be? Sly and Arnold..

Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order? From start to finish, I didn’t know you could write any other way.

Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines? I sometimes use notes to keep track of the plot so I don’t forget it

Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse? No?

Describe your perfect writing conditions. At night alone or in a dark place 💕

How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting? No.. not always.

Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions). Do I really wanna do that? In another post.

If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why? A fic I deleted called new home, it was a fic where Kano was a dad with kids and yea it was crazy

Have you ever deleted one of your published fics? Mmhm, I deleted the Kano as a dad fic, then I deleted a Kano/Terminator fic and i don’t even know why I wrote that but it’s funny, then I accidentally deleted a letter John wrote to the T-800. So yeah.

What do you look for in a beta? ...A bottom??

Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you? I’m verse but we’re not ready for that conversation.

How do you feel about collaborations? Depends?? But I’m open to it.

Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much. AAA @erenaeoth @badbessie and someone on ao3 but idk if he has tumblr. They’re stories always keep me interested, and they’re everything I wanna be in a writer and I just 😭

If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? yo.. lemme write a sequel to this Viktor/Adonis fic called trust fall. BRO

Do you accept prompts? I don’t just accept them, I need them.

Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant? I will do some things with canon compliant if it benefits the plot idea I have but all my fics are usually set in AUs. Kinda?

How do you feel about smut? I well.. it’s hard for me to write bc I just.. embarassment. It’s slightly hard for me to read to bc it’s like hhh bro i just wanted y’all to cuddle

How do you feel about crack? It can be funny as fuck the less sense it makes

What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con? I mean.... i’m very touchy about it. Maybe if it was used correctly and it was for a plot then yea. But if someone is genuinely into it it’s like... ur into a federal crime sir.

Would you ever kill off a canon character? I have... and I’d do it again

Which is your favorite site to post fic? AO3, can’t imagine posting anywhere else really. WELL, tumblr maybe.

Talk about your current wips. Currently working on a Rocky/Apollo oneshot, then after I finish that I’m making Florian/Masias. It’s crazy

Talk about a review that made your day. Ughh anytime somebody compliments my writing 🥺

Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them? I haven’t gotten one yet! Haha only criticism. I’ll listen to what they have to say, then use what they say to try and better my writing

Write an alternative ending to Theraputic.

..... in another post doe 👀

[ergomaria]

The Past is Gone (but something might be found) Preview Pt. III

Somehow, the text from the original post was deleted when I tried to edit the tags to make this easier to sort. I’ve restored it. Once again, I’m just posting this as a reminder that I’m alive and still trying to write!

PLOT: Vann, Meetra, and Carth touch the wrong thing at the wrong shrine and are turned into themselves at 18. Alek finds himself paying his penance to the Force when he has to simultaneously watch over the trio while trying to figure out how to restore them to their proper ages.

Now saddled with three teenagers and very few clues, Alek nodded in acquiescence as he trudged back towards the Hawk. Luckily, they were all fairly well behaved during the walk. Once they reached the ship the real fun began.

“So, do any of you know the codes to get back on the ship?”

There was a long bout of uncomfortable silence during which it became clear that no adult knowledge about the freighter had stuck with the teens. The worst part was that Alek did know the codes but couldn’t admit that fact without seeming suspicious. The next best option was to rewire the door panel and go from there.

“Alright, here’s a better question. Do any of you know how to rewire a hatch?”

Predictably, it was Deran who raised his hand. “Obviously I can, at least if I have the correct tools. Unfortunately, I don’t have my normal gear…”

The amount of places that Vann had broken into or out of during his search for the Star Forge still grated on Alek’s nerves. He knew for a fact there was a multitool tucked somewhere in that worn black jacket, but it was yet another fact he couldn’t openly share. “This might sound absurd, but everyone check your pockets. If your clothing originally belonged to spacers, and it looks like it did, the original owners may have left something useful behind.”

It was a risky gamble since there was always a chance that one of them had identifying documents on their person. But Alek was hoping they’d left those behind to perform a mission as covert as hiding a highly dangerous Sith holocron. Onasi’s civilian clothing was the best indicator that this might be the case. For once the Force was on his side and the search produced nothing but various odds and ends. An extra reload for the blasters, a few credits, a ration bar, a medpac, and finally a multitool that Vann had definitely purchased illegally.

Deran was predictably pleased to find the item and immediately set to work rewiring the door to his own ship. Meanwhile, Alek quietly filed that irony away for later. When the exit ramp slid open with a smooth hiss, Onasi practically cracked a tooth in his desperate attempt to not look impressed.

The inside of the Hawk was in partial disarray, though it was hard to tell if this was from whatever had transpired to turn three adults into teenagers or the mere fact that it was Vann’s ship and thus naturally full of clutter. Either way, the mess made it easier for Alek to order the teens to remain in the main hold where it was neater and theoretically ‘safer’ while he ‘checked’ the rest of the freighter. As soon as he was sure they would stay put, he moved into the cockpit to look for further clues.

Despite his tendency towards random piles of mechanical parts, Vann was absolutely fastidious when it came to researching locations and making notes about what he discovered. Before the original trip to Dromund Kaas he’d compiled an entire datapad full of files on the history of Sith purebloods, their laws, and their customs. While Nirauan had significantly less information recorded, there was still a pad with multiple paragraphs discussing the planet’s connection to both the Rakata Infinite Empire and the Force itself. It seemed that the crew was aiming to land near a series of suspected Rakata ruins that had a notable presence.

Datapad in hand, Alek peeked into the main hold to inform his charges of his next step. “Just so you’re aware, I think I found a series notes mentioning that this planet has a strange connection to the Force. I don’t know if it has anything to do with your current situation, but we can’t rule it out. I have a friend who might be able to untangle the few clues we currently have, so I’m going to comm her using the ship’s unit. Just wait here until I’m done.”

“Is she a Jedi?” Meetra was sprawled across two seats looking dangerously bored.

“She was at one time, but she’s since left the Order. However, she’s very knowledge about certain subjects and I feel that her input will be extremely helpful.” One of the subjects she had a great deal of experience with was being a Force prodigy and another was ancient artifacts from the Infinite Empire, currently making her the galaxy’s only authority on the situation. When there were no further questions, Alek hurried away to contact Rakata Base in the hope of begging Bastila for assistance.

“Vann?” The young woman’s face immediately darkened when she saw who was on the other end of the call. “Why are you there and where is Vann?”

“I’m here because Meetra contacted me when there was a complication with their current mission,” Alek hissed as quietly as possible. Noting the concern that immediately overtook Bastila’s face he assured her, “Everyone is healthy. I hesitate to say ‘fine’ because, well… Somehow, through a combination of some Rakta ruins and a Sith holocron, all three members of this crew are currently teenagers with no memories of their adult selves. I’d estimate them between seventeen and nineteen, if I had to guess.”

The incredulous glare was absolutely scathing. “You’ve picked a poor time to develop a sense of humor.”

“Why in Sith hells would I joke about this? I currently have three teenagers in the hold of this damn ship who are convinced that I’m a Jedi Sentinel named Naver who happened to sense a disturbance in the Force. Since it’s blatantly clear that my creativity it lacking, you can be sure that I couldn’t make this bantha fodder up if I tried!”

“Dustil, can you please come here? Our former ‘master’ is on the comm and he believes that he’s being hilarious. Perhaps you can convince him to tell me what’s really going on.”

“What the hells is going on now, Malak?” The younger Onai looked supremely irritated, which actually mirrored how Alek was currently feeling.

“That’s not my name.”

Appearing unbothered by the correction, Dustil sneered for a moment before snapping, “What kinrath nest did Vann get my dad into this time?”

“Oh, did he not tell you? Supposedly through the will of the Force, Vann, Meetra, and your father are now teenagers with no memory of their adult lives.” Bastila looked equally unamused. “Funny, yes?”

“Hi-kriffing-larious.”

Alek was about two second from hanging up and hoping that Rand would be more helpful, if only to get Meetra back into her proper body, when a slender figure crept into the room just within view of the comm unit.

“Um, Knight Naver, I apologize for bothering you but…”

There was a loud pop of static from the other end of the comm, which turned out to be Bastila covering the microphone with her hand so that she could curse for about thirty seconds straight.

“Yes, Deran? I was actually just telling me friend Bastila a bit about you and the others in the hope that she’d be willing to assist us in figuring out what happened. Perhaps you’d like to speak with her about your current situation? It could be useful.”

It was hard to tell who was more bewildered by the entire scenario. Luckily, Deran’s natural curiosity quickly took hold and he slipped over to the console and situated himself before the camera. “Hello, Bastila was it? What did you want to ask me?”

“Oh stars…” The young woman was doing a poor job of disguising her surprise, though she still managed to stutter, “I apologize for my lack of manners. You just… remind me of someone I know. No matter. Actually, Deran, I was just wondering how, ah, how old you are.”

“You really aren’t a Jedi, are you? Sorry, that was rude. It’s just… everyone in the Order always seems to know everything about me. But uh, I turned eighteen a few months ago.”

“Two years before Knighthood…”

“Bastila, be careful. You don’t want to scare the boy!” While it was technically true that Deran became the youngest Knight in the order at age twenty, that wasn’t information his eighteen-year old self knew. It wasn’t until nineteen that his trials actually began.

Plastering on a false smile, the young woman quickly stammered, “That’s just a guess on my part. Though, of course, I could be wrong. It’s not like I can see the future and you’re so very… young.”

Unfortunately, just the mention of Knighthood had made Deran’s back go stiff, his jaw ticking in the corner even as his expression remained stoic and proper. “Well, that’s for the Council to decide. They know best.” Even at this age he sounded thoroughly unconvinced. “What else do you want to ask me?”

“That’s… that’s it.” Turning to Alek, Bastila stated, “I believe you and I’ll do whatever I can to help. Just tell me what you need.”

“I’ll send you all of the data I have in a minute. Let me just find out what brought Deran in here in the first place.”

“I came in to let you know that Carth and Meetra left the ship. They said that they got tired of waiting for you and decided to explore on their own.” The teen winced slightly. “Also, they may have been flirting? I’m not always great at telling that type of stuff, but it’s possible they just went to go and… you know.”

The snort of hysterics from Dustil was all the confirmation that Alek needed to know that this entire situation was his punishment from the Force. Part of him considered letting Meetra and Onasi do whatever they wanted. Someone else could deal with the fallout. But he also needed to get Deran out of the room to prevent him from snooping. “I’m concerned that they’re going to get themselves into trouble. There are some very powerful ruins on this planet and I’d hate for them to make the current situation even more complicated. Can I trust you to find them and bring them back safely?”

It was an underhanded ploy. Alek was fully aware that Deran’s facade of teenage bravado combined with his crippling fear of failure would make him agree to almost any task without question. But the former Sith didn’t have time to chase two teenagers down, all while trying to keep a third from learning that he was currently speaking with his own kriffing Padawan.

As expected, Deran immediately nodded. “Of course. I’ll bring them back as quickly as possible.”

It wasn’t until the teen’s footfalls disappeared off the ship that Alek sat down with a sigh, his head pounding from the sheer mental acrobatics required to keep this situation moving forward. As he uploaded the information from Vann’s datapad he grumbled, “For Force sake, Dustil. I thought your father would be the responsible one!”

The damned kid was still laughing. “Just checking, but is Meetra the teenager as pretty as Meetra the adult? Big blue eyes and wavy blonde hair?”

Attempting to be objective about the attractiveness of someone who was like a sister to him, Alek shrugged. “I suppose? She was more petite at this age, almost willowy. I honestly think she looks better with some muscle. Less delicate.”

“I don’t care either way, it’s just… My dad kinda has a type. Or, at least he did at that point in his life. My mom was petite with wavy, honey-brown hair. They met when he was twenty.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Nope, you can look up the files for Morgana Onasi if you want. I um, I have. Just to see her, you know? It helps me to remember her face…” Shaking away his melancholy, Dustil cleared his throat. “Ah, anyway, at eighteen my Dad was really responsible when it came to official things. Training and studying? He was incredibly dedicated. But when he had time to himself he kind of… let loose. Nothing really bad, just a lot of drinking and fooling around with his fellow cadets. Put a bunch of bored, horny teenagers in the same dorm and stuff happens.”

Alek had lived in the Jedi dormitories during puberty and was well aware of what could happen. He winced.

“The good news is that my dad definitely liked men at that age as well… Please don’t ask how I know this. It was a really awkward conversation that only happened because I got mad at him and… ugh. But the good news is that he might rediscover how amazing Vann is. He is really great at this age, right?”

“He’s actually an anxious mess who likes to pretend he’s confident, which just comes off as arrogance. It doesn’t help that he’s actually good at whatever he does. Honestly, I think your father currently wants to throttle him.”

“Ouch. Well, maybe they’ll lose all memory of this once they get restored to their actual ages!”

“We can only hope the Force is that kind.” Rubbing his forehead, Alek asked, “Bastila, have you looked over those files I sent?”

“I’m reading them now and I’ll run them through the Rakata archives when I’m done. But you should be aware that, while we have a significant amount of information on the Infinite Empire, we don’t have much else. Vann tries to update what he can, but it’s still nothing compared to what the Jedi possess.”

“Do your best, it’s still more than I have access to on this ship.”

“I do have an idea, but you’re not going to like it one bit.” Upon noting Alek’s hopeful expression, Bastila sighed...

[prorevenge]

Friend lodges a Police Report just to throw away his chances at life.

This story mainly revolves around a friend (K) of mine and a (former) friend (J) of his. K's sister, C, was also involved. I played a very minor role.

K as a person is a great individual. Extremely smart, aces every test, loves history/politics/economics. He is the self classified nerd of the grade with an ace in every subject. Contrary to popular belief, he was not bullied for this. In fact, due to his generosity and intelligence, many had already pegged him as going far in life.

J was also along similar lines, but was very eccentric. Still, both were nearly inseparable and were great friends.

The two of them loved talking part in History Bowls and academic competitions of any kind. Over the years, the schools cabinet had begun to teem with their accomplishments.

However, after a History Bowl both of them attended together, their relationship started to fray. While they had come in third as a team, K had come in 1st under individual rankings while J came in a distant 7th. Both positions received a trophy, so in total they received three trophies (one for the team, one for 1st place and one for 7th place). As a courtesy, seeing the J could had no space for the trophy that day, K offered to take it back with him, and return it during school. J obliged.

Our school usually honours students who win outside events by calling them up on stage in front of the whole school and getting the director and HOS (head of school) to present the award to the students. As such, they did the same for K and J. However, on that day, J had an exam he had to be in, and as such, missed out on the presentation. K received the awards on behalf of both of them, and specifically took the microphone to mention that J was a team member as well, incase anybody felt that all the awards belong to K only.

But, when J heard what had conspired, he was furious. He felt that the presentation should have been postponed and felt that K was doing it on purpose. He felt even more verified in his theory when K forgot to bring the trophies on another day in order to return J's back to him (K is like that all the time, its something we all like as it adds a bit of character to a person in a world where everyone strives to be perfect, but clearly J does not). He went full on atomic on K, calling him all sorts of names and effectively throwing their friendship into the bin. K felt hurt, but thought that was the end of it.

No, that WASN'T the end of it. J went around slandering K's name behind him. As a school, we all knew K well, so really didn't take anything seriously. J got really pissed, and started making Facebook posts, messaging K's professor friends to slander his name further. K's older sister, C, got wind of this. She turned red with fury. She was School President and felt it was her duty to protect the students, but if somebody messes with her brother, god save them. And that's what she did. She cornered J one day and let him know in not so pleasant terms that he is messing with the wrong person and to stay away.

For some reason, J suddenly took this to another level. His mom and him went to the police the next day and lodged a report against K, C and their parents for slander and harassment. Then, J's mom proceeded to call K's mom and go Godzilla on her, boasting about how she is going to go to jail and that "she is going to regret creating her two kids." Luckily, we live in a single consent state, and I guess you know where this is going.

But, guess what the police did. They threw the case out. They cited a lack of evidence for the case and threw it out.

You would think this would be the end of it, but no, we keep going.

J and his mom were properly pissed at this point. Nothing was going according to their plan. So they kept with the slander campaign, ramping up efforts on Facebook. I have no idea what they were thinking.

While this was going on, J was running up trouble with the school's administration as well. You see, J was in the grade above us, and was in the midst of applying to universities. As part of his application, he needed a school code to verify the application. But the school was delaying the handoff of this code. J had been severely abusing his mother's influence and connections to bend the school administration backwards, giving him better predicted grades which would be sent to the universities.

The teachers were pissed at this, as they had spent countless evenings doing the predicted grades for all the students in the cohort, and here was a kid abusing his influence so that he could get an unfair advantage over others. Understandably, therefore, they delayed the handoff.

J got even more pissed. CC'ing his mother in the email, as well the director and HOS, he sent three scathing emails to the Curriculum and Course Co-ordinator of the school, calling her "a bitch" who was too interested in "serving others" and wanted "him to die", even though she had never mentioned this. This was too much for the school, who struck him off the roll of graduates and blocked all contact with him, never sending him the code. This was in March, which will be pertinent later.

It is important to note that except for J and the school administration, nobody had any idea that J was off the graduations, and when graduation rolled around in August, and he was not there, we were surprised but relieved, as we thought that this would be the end of it.

Fast forward a few months to November, and I was scrolling through Facebook when I saw J had made a post with screenshots of the emails he sent to the administrator. In the post, he was gloating about how he had played the administrator, by apologizing to the administrator a month after sending those emails, and how they replied back with the code to get him out of their hair, and how he has the upper hand now and had got into university (he mentioned which but I won't post it) and wanted the world "to see the school as it really is".

What he did not count on was me seeing it, and K's inactive second Facebook account which was still friends with J. I quickly let K know, and screenshot the emails in case K needed it later. K did the same, after which he posted on the account that he was deactivating it because there was spam on it. J must have seen this post, because less than two minutes after, his own post was deleted.

But this is not where it ends. K wanted to take revenge for the months of abuse and psychological harm his family and him underwent. Thus, with my help, we collated the evidence, including the phone call and screenshots of the email, as well as screenshots of the other posts he made, and, I am not sure on this part as I was not involved here, K sent the email to the university he was enrolled in, and to the school.

This was the last straw for the school, who proceeded to officially expel him, and then sent the details of the whole incident to all universities they were partnered with and have contact with to which he had applied, leading to them cancelling his application to their universities.

Last we heard (we all blocked him afterwards) he knew it was us, but had no evidence to prove this. His offer from the university was retracted, and he has been unable to apply to any university in Europe and US.

TL;DR: J decides to get all pissy because he missed out on award ceremony, slandering K and lodging false police reports against K's family and K himself. Same time, he starts being hostile with the school administration and boasts about it. K pulls all evidence and phone call, and sends it to school and J's university, getting his offer retracted and effectively blacklisting him from a majority of the universities in Europe and US.

(source) (story by HeavyVictory0)

[shadowsong26x]

EPIX/Rise of Skywalker Reaction Post

So, I got back from seeing EPIX this morning, and I figured I should get all my thoughts down!

Everything spoilery is behind a cut, and this post is also tagged with the spoiler tags I’ve listed here. If you want me to add any additional tags, let me know and I will to this and any future EPIX posts.

Okay, so, before I really get into this, I should mention two relevant contextual things that probably strongly impacted my feelings on this movie.

I’m not super-invested in the sequel trilogy. I love (most of) the characters, I’m not really into the story that’s being told with them.

Given where TLJ left us, I went into the theatre expecting something between A Trainwreck with Some Delightful Moments and A Delightful Trainwreck. Basically, it was going to be a Hot Mess and I knew it, but I was pretty sure there was going to be something to love, even if the film as a whole didn’t delight me (which, honestly, is even where I stand with TLJ, which remains my least favorite film of the series). And, you know what? I got exactly that. A Sometimes-Delightful Trainwreck. I’d say it’s even towards the upper end of that Delightfulness scale.

All right, moving on to actual thoughts. I’m trying to focus on the positive here, mostly because I did overall enjoy this movie, but I also had some Problems with it.

I’m gonna talk about Kylo Ren first, mostly because I want to get this out of the way. I will say that--when I first saw TFA, I thought I could be interested in this character. I thought they were gonna maybe go the burnt-out gifted kid route with him, which would be hella interesting to explore for the child of Heroes like Han and Leia, and the Legacy he had to live up to. Obviously, they didn’t, and while the direction they went is certainly topical, it’s not super engaging, at least to me. I know it is to some people, and far be it from me to harsh anyone’s squee, but he basically doesn’t do anything for me. I personally don’t find him particularly interesting or intimidating.

Basically, I don’t particularly care about Kylo Ren. (I don’t know if I’m quite at the point where, as my roommate puts it, I aggressively Do Not Care, but the Not Caring is definitely a thing.)

Anyway, that disclaimer aside--his arc was okay, I guess? I mean...I think my general feelings on the subject are not that it felt phoned-in, exactly, but that it was mostly there because the writers thought it should be there, rather than it flowing organically from the character(s) involved. It also felt rushed, but that goes back to a problem with the movie as a whole that I will get into later in this post. But, given that, the actual beats that were involved in said arc I thought were effectively done. The bit with Han in the wreckage, in particular, was nice.

As for that Kiss though.

...I mean. I’m actually kind of pleased that the end of the film left the romantic threads dangling? It gave me plenty of OT3 feels (though I felt like, especially in the first third or so, the film was leaning more towards Rey/Poe and Finn/Rose, but there was some later stuff that seemed to hint at the full OT3 with a question mark on where Rose stands.)

But I do have a problem with the fact that the only on-screen kiss between Major Characters was between Rey and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo. That being said, I can backfill/justify it in that...you know how some people headcanon that Luke’s initial crush on Leia was some sort of “There is a Connection Here that I Cannot Name and it’s probably supposed to be Romantic given our ages and genders and presumed lack of other relationship so let’s go with that?” Between something like that and the fact that he just gave up his life for her in a very literal way (side note: the Force has always been New Powers as the Plot Demands; but the healing thing was a) if not actually in a canon novel at least strongly implied and b) ALL OVER fanon so even if I had a problem with Random Force Powers suddenly occurring I wouldn’t have an issue with this one; the Force Diad thing was ~handwave plot device~ sure fine whatever). ...anyway, given all of that, I can backfill it to a way where I don’t hate it (i.e., if he’d lived, I don’t think it would’ve been followed up on very much/they would’ve settled into a non-romantic relationship of some kind, whatever that might’ve been). Except that it’s the only one, which kind of leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

Then again, he did immediately die, so...yeah, I can live with this. I don’t like it, and I don’t think I ever will like it, but I don’t hate it either and it’s not a dealbreaker for me.

Most of the other problems I have with this film come down to structure and pacing. In that, thanks to where TLJ left us, this move had to do so much to bring the story to any kind of cohesive end, and not enough time to do it in. Trying to squeeze too much plot into too small a space.

(I actually had the same problem with ROTS initially--although that was more due to the PT having pacing issues as its Primary Narrative Flaw; TPM was way too slow; AOTC actually had good internal pacing but couldn’t quite make up for it; and then ROTS was as a consequence of that really rushed. Meanwhile, with the ST, I feel like the writers are relying on “it’s all there in the manual” a little too much, so not really...trying as hard, if that makes sense? To make it all connect within the film, I mean, as opposed to depending on people going into other/outside/supplemental material to connect the dots (still not as bad as the Prisoner of Azkaban movie on that front, but it’s still Bad; and, like, all film versions of novels leave some stuff out, just look at the LOTR films; but POA left out a key plot point and that--is a rant for another post. Back to EPIX). It’ll be interesting to see what kind of deleted scenes come out, or if it’ll grow on me in future watchings. Not that it’ll ever become a favorite, I don’t think, but it might improve in my eyes.)

Anyway, basically, a lot of this felt rushed or like...introduced but not really addressed/wrapped up in any kind of satisfactory fashion? Kylo Ren’s arc in particular, as I’ve mentioned before, plus the Threepio stuff felt rushed and non-consequential, and also with Rey’s arc to an extent (it...again, all the beats worked for me/I thought it was fairly effective, but it really needed two movies to pay off as well as it could have). ...I mean, there are more plot threads I could probably mention here, but those are the three that stuck out the most.

Also, this movie needed More Rose :( I LOVE HER and she was barely here!!!!!

Another thing I would’ve liked to see is...okay, I really liked the Overlapping Voices bit, but it would’ve been nice to have more Presence from the ghosts? Like...there’s a bit at the end of season 1 of Sailor Moon where she’s in the Final Battle, the other four have died (or just been left behind, if you’re watching the English dub), and their ghosts show up and place their hands on hers and lend her their strength? A visual cue like that would’ve been great and helped the arc feel more complete. Especially since Palpatine had all of his predecessors/Sith ghosts backing him in a more visible fashion. But, then again, that’s a Personal Taste thing and while it would’ve, IMO, made that moment better, not having it doesn’t make it worse, if that makes sense?

(Also, the credits moved too fast for me to track, but I definitely saw Qui-Gon Jinn listed, though I don’t recall hearing him, and I definitely recognized Anakin/Hayden Christensen and Mace/Samuel L. Jackson and Obi-Wan/Ewan McGreggor (and Alec Guinness I’m pretty sure?) and obvs. Yoda/Frank Oz when actually listening, but I couldn’t identify the other voices--anyone have the full list? Was Ahsoka and/or Kanan and/or Ezra involved, or was it restricted to movie-only Jedi?)

But...yeah. Apart from the Kiss being very ....:/ for me, most of my identifiable problems with the film is stuff like this.

I think the other thing I want to talk about in detail is the Rey Palpatine reveal.

So, up until this movie, I was actually in my corner flying my tiny but determined Rey Kenobi flag, and the more I think about it, the more I like Rey Palpatine for some of the same reasons? Like...I don’t remember everything I’d thought through about Rey Kenobi, but it had to do with the cyclical nature of Star Wars, and bringing it back where it started--and we get that with Rey Palpatine, in a nice arc, healing some of the damage her grandfather did, both to this family and to the galaxy as a whole.

That being said--those of you who know me and my fic projects know I’ve been writing a child (daughter) for Palpatine for quite some time now, and I have no intention of stopping, lol. Am I going to take this/Lavinia’s (presumably) half-brother into account in future projects? ...probably not. But I am looking forward to/hoping we get a novel or something about him and Rey’s mother. Because that is actually a story I’m interested in--why canon!Palpatine chose to have a kid, and how said kid managed to break away and got to this point. [...y’know, I actually think Rey Kenobi’s background/thread of descent would be less interesting to me? Since I subscribe to the idea that a) Korkie Kryze is Obi-Wan’s biological son; and b) Obi-Wan had many Friends With Benefits throughout the galaxy and figuring out exactly which one Rey descends from carries less weight for me.]

...okay, I think that’s all the Detaily Bits I want to get into, so here are some bullet points of things that really stuck out to me, in no particular order:

Bawled like a baby re: everything involving Carrie Fisher. Just...yeah. Miss you Space Mommy.

LANDO! I loved his entrance, I loved him adopting Jannah at the end, I loved all of it.

Chewie’s fake-out death was also actually pretty good/well-handled. I mean. First Boom happens and I’m like DDDDDDD: but then I remember how people reacted to his death in Legends and I’m like would they really do it and then DELIGHT.

HUX. Okay. I never really cared about this dude before, and honestly I still don’t really care about this dude but at the same time, those of you who know me know I have a Thing for double-agents and defectors and I LOVE THIS WHOLE ENTIRE PLOT THREAD. I LOVE THIS SHITHEAD TURNING TRAITOR FOR THE MOST VENAL REASONS AND STILL BEING A BAD GUY/EVIL/AN UNREPENTANT JACKASS. THIS WAS PERFECT.

(Also Finn shooting him in the leg instead of the arm as requested was DELIGHTFUL)

SPEAKING OF DELIGHTFUL gotta love Zombie Skeev Palpatine Unliving His Best Afterlife. Was he as Delightful as he is in ROTS or ROTJ? No. Did I still enjoy every minute of his scenery-chewing nonsense? You bet your ass. So happy, Ian McDiarmid looked like he was having tons of fun and honestly what more could I have asked for?

The whole scene on Ahch-To was just *chef’s kiss.* Use of Yoda’s theme with the rising X-Wing, Luke being snarky and kind and beautiful, him emerging from the fire with the saber...just loved it.

LEIA HAD JEDI TRAINING AND HER OWN LIGHTSABER. BB!MARK HAMILL AND BB!CARRIE FISHER’S FACES.

LEIA TRAINING REY. REY CALLING HER ‘MASTER.’

USING THE BOND TO ARM KYLO REN okay like I said I have Mixed Feelings about the arc as a whole but that moment was SO COOL.

Poe’s ex-girlfriend was pretty great, ngl.

JANNAH AND EX-STORMTROOPERS YESSSSSSSS

HINTS OF/SHREDS OF EVIDENCE FOR FORCE-SENSITIVE FINN GIVE THEM TO ME NOW.

D-0 was pretty cute!

All of the Badass Finn.

Also that MOMENT where Finn runs up to Poe like “I NEED TO TELL YOU A THING” and Poe is all “I NEED YOU TO FIGHT WITH ME” and Finn just interrupts himself to thank Poe and they have that “General” “General” moment and it’s SO CUTE I’m love it.

The entire thing at the Lars farm at the end. Just. Burying the lightsabers, seeing the twins’ ghosts, claiming the Skywalker name, Rey having her own saber now. This movie was a Hot Mess but it definitely ended on a high note.

...that’s pretty much what I have for right now. I will probably have more thoughts after discussing it with other people/seeing it again (because I will be seeing it again). But overall...do I like it? Well, it’s Star Wars, which I love and which frankly always has some Super Dumb and/or Frustrating Stuff, and the things I disliked weren’t bad enough to Ruin It for me, so yes, I liked it. Is it my favorite Star Wars/good for a Star Wars movie? ...not really, no. It did have some gorgeous moments, but it doesn’t really hang together. Like the rest of the ST, it relies way too much on It’s All There In The Manual and, between that and the fact that TLJ didn’t do the work necessary to set it up, the movie felt rushed and a little bit...I don’t want to say hollow, maybe shallow is a better word? I mean, I know this is Star Wars and It’s Not That Deep (but the ground is soft and I’m ready to dig or however the quote goes), but this felt particularly shallow even for Star Wars. Like...cotton candy, fairly good/tasty but a little bit prone to melting away and with very little substance holding it together. On that level, I’d actually probably rank it around Solo (which, let me say, I really like)--so, better than TLJ, but still A Hot Mess of a movie. But I enjoyed myself, and I think overall my feelings are middling-to-positive on it. Even if...honestly, even like less than four hours after the movie ending, I’m already forgetting like half the plot points...? Like I said. Cotton Candy.

What did/do you guys think?