#Merry is a little chaos gremlin

[coconut530]

HE HAS RETURNED TO US

[bakubunny]

f!reader | thinkin abt daddy!kats sitting his pretty girl on his lap in front of the fire on christmas morning. you’re in the cutest footed pajamas with the drop seat wide open. he’s holding you by the hips, fingers digging into the fat of your ass as one of his hands holds your panties to the side. you sink down onto his fat length with a whine.

“merry christmas, babygirl,” katsuki quips with a grin.

a shiver runs down your neck and you clench at the sound of his gruff voice. his smile widens. you bury your face in his neck when your hips meet his lap, legs already a little weak from how good he feels inside you.

“m-merry christmas, daddy,” you say softly.

a large, warm hand runs up and down your back as a way of soothing, but it only encourages a moan to slip out of your mouth when your hips grind into his. katsuki chuckles, his chest rumbling as he does.

“y’need daddy to make you feel good, don’t ya?”

you cling to his neck and nod. he kisses you on the head.

“that’s my girl. hold on tight, princess. daddy’s gonna help you ride his cock.”

happy holidays, everyone. thanks for being here. ♡

gremlins: @arlerts-angel @dcsiremc @darkstarlight82 @bookcluberror @neon-gothicc @zazter-den @breadandbutter33 @i-literally-cant-with-this @rinalouu @stvrfir3 @r4td0lll @emmab3mma @aria-chikage @mhadabiandhawks4eva @yazminetrahan @doumadono @dreamcastgirl99 @maddietries @jazzafayesworld @karebear5118 @unofficialmuilover @cherriluvs35 @erensslut @ruu-https @hana-yuri @keiva1000 @katsul0vr @trickster-kat @ayeohoh-blog @dinomeow @flamgosstuff @mistressreaper @angelltheninth @anonymously-ominous @amberexe2 @hisconsistency @nanamisbigassschlong @223princess @honeeslust @naughtygobbo @acenanxious @blumoonwisteria @chaos-gem @gold24fish @levizonlywife @nuttyunknowndetective

[gffa]

Hello! I love your posts about the Jedi, and I was wondering if I could ask you a question: What's something you would love to see explored with the Jedi?

Hi! I'm glad you're enjoying them, I love the Jedi and I hope I can help make being in the fandom around them a little more fun for people. <3 For me, my #1 wish for things I'd love to see explored with the Jedi: TELL ME ABOUT OUR FAVE JEDI'S APPRENTICESHIPS. I want to know so much more about Mace's apprenticeship, I want to know who was Shaak's Master, I want to know if Shaak and Plo were Padawans at the same time together, I want to know just exactly how Depa was a chaos gremlin for Mace, I want to know how much trouble Kit Fisto got into, I want more stories of Obi-Wan & Siri & Bolla & Pre being "a merry band of brats" as Yaddle called them, I want more stories of Yoda training Dooku and probably forcing Dooku to let Yoda ride on his shoulders! I want more stories of Luminara's time as a Padawan, I want more stories of Adi as a Padawan and what made her take the career paths she did, I want to know if Saesee was as much of a hellion as a Padawan as I suspect he was. I want to know more about various Jedi and their time as apprentices, rather than just more about Obi-Wan or Anakin's time as Padawans. I also want more worldbuilding on everything about the Jedi, I want to know what their schooling scheduling looks like, given how well-educated every Jedi we meet is, I'd love to know just how their classes are arranged, I want to know exactly what the layout of the Jedi Temple is, I want to know what special holidays the Jedi have that are unique to them, I want to know what special rites they have around their kyber crystals, given that they become extensions of the Jedi's soul. I want to know how the Force influences their art--there's statues and Force-sculpting and murals all over the place in the Jedi Temple, but the Force is more than just lifting clay or paint, at its heart is that it's your emotions that are your connection to the Force. Mace was a theatre nerd, how did the Jedi's psychic abilities work with that, did the actors project the emotions of the characters out into their Jedi audience? I want to know how emotions soaking into the walls affects the Jedi's way of doing things--when Anakin and Ahsoka get back to the Temple and can still hear the screams of the bomb that went off days ago, because it's echoing all around the space for them, how do the Jedi approach that? How do they try to mitigate leaving behind sorrow and pain and horror, especially in a hospital area where people are often sick and wounded? I want to know exactly what kind of games the Jedi babies play in the creche, especially since they would be teaching games, as the Jedi are a teaching-centric culture. I think one of the games mentioned in a book somewhere was a Jedi version of hide-and-seek, but what about cute little treasure hunt puzzles for developing psychometric skills? They have to pick up clues from the stuffed bantha toy to tell them where to find the next stuffed nexu toy, etc. each of the toys soaked through with warm, soft, comforting feelings by the creche masters to make it fun for the babies. There's so much that's under-explored (for my tastes, I've certainly cobbled a lot together to get a general idea of some things!) specifically through how the Jedi interact with the Force and to expand outside of just Obi-Wan or Anakin's time as an apprentice that I go a little gremlin-like just thinking about all I want to see explored!

[tiger-willow]

I’ll be honest, The Christmas fireplace stream is very relaxing. It has a sort of comfy/comfort feeling just sitting with Cucurucho. Like for real I’m sipping tea and dunking my cookies in milk. I kinda wish I could have a day just chilling with Cucurucho weather it’s Christmas or not. I absolutely love this!!! (Also Richas just sneaking around like a little gremlin is very cute and funny as well as the appearance of the capybaras, Frirusflais and a random rat is nice too)

(edit: also BADBOYHALO?! WHAT IS GOING ON LMAO?!?

(Second edit: TUBBO TOO!?! AND NOW THEY ARE PLAYING MUSIC?!)

(Third edit: FOOLISHGA TOO LMAO!? And Tina <3)

(Fourth edit: this crazy haha, the stream went chaotic so quickly and I regret speaking so soon LMAOOO)

(Edit five: BRO CUCURUCHO JUST FUCKING DIPPED LMAOOOOO)

Edit six: OH SHIT NEVERMIND HES BACK! THEY’VE BEEN CAUGHT! CUCURUCHO PLEASE SAVE US FROM THIS LOUD CHAOS LMAO /hj)

(Started writing this since 7:10 EDT and just started editing after BBH showed up lol)

~Anyways I’m going to sleep lmao, Merry Christmas and happy holidays! <3 :]

[staysafedontdie]

Vampire Spawn Lore/Headcanons Help?

Hey friends and strangers, Long Post here.

I have noticed in my attempts at research that there is almost nothing but a stat block for Vampire Spawns. But we do know lots about Vampires themselves.

I'm going to break this down into things that are consistent in BG3 and a couple things I noted in other RPGs that could be relevant?

Please feel free to comment with things you believe are true or could be true, or things you know from actual Vampire/Vampire Spawn lore! It'll be fun to see what people in the community do, think, and use for story writing and such!!

(Also, please note that I wrote this between playing BG3, Deep cleaning my apartment, and ADHD kicking my ass, so apologies if it's a little scattered.)

What we do know, per Forgotten Realms Lore:

Spawn share their masters' weaknesses, to a lesser degree (can't enter private dwellings without permission, running water is acid damage, can't see themselves in mirrors, sunlight burns, garlic, etc)

They also can share their masters' strengths: Spawn are said to be able to turn into mist and climb on walls like a spider. They also seem to be able to charm & "Like most undead, their bite and touch caused blood drain and domination" (Aka. the spell Dominate Person)

Spawn do regenerate health, but the damage they take from running water & sunlight is higher than their regeneration, which is why they can die to these things.

Their features become more distorted/sharp/predatory when infected.

As Astarion mentioned, Spawn are less slaves and more puppets designed to do their master's bidding. Free will is non-existent, even if they're fully aware of what they're doing. Obviously it would depend on how controlling the individual Vampire is, but when given an order they cannot disobey.

Once a Spawn is freed, they can no longer be enslaved (by another Vampire. So, one master and if said master dies then the spawn is free to go on their merry way without fear.)

"When it came to a life of adventuring, vampire spawn would seek vengeance on their creators, or penance for their new damnation. If these monsters could overcome their ravenous emotions, they might seek out knowledge, glory, or power. Pride was the true driver of the vampire spawn, since they believed themselves better than others."

A point of contention: Yes a Spawn can feed from their master to become a True Vampire, but the Spawn needs permission to do so. It's a consent thing. So, yes, while it would be nice to bully Cazador into turning Astarion with a series of fun intimidation checks, that man would rather die than concede.

Besides, per the Lore True Vampires lose their humanity in the process of the change and all of their emotions twist into dark shadows of themselves. Love becomes possessiveness, etc.

Stakes do not kill Vampires, they paralyze them. Thus making it easier to kill them. Astarion's preferred death of decapitation is - from what I've seen - one of the most widely supported ways to permanently kill a Vampire in not just FR Lore, but IRL too.

Some other things that I thought were interesting: (Admittedly this could be partially due to the tadpole)

Despite the inherent nature of Vampire Spawn, Astarion doesn't seem to be evil - in fact, the more we learn about him, the kinder he seems and the more the evil act seems to be for protection. He's definitely firmly self-serving and Chaotic, and will forever be a mischievous chaos gremlin who talks shit and plays mean-spirited pranks on people for sure, but he is kind.

Astarion seems to be able to imbibe in at least drink if not food as well. He's shown drink wine at several points throughout the story.

He sweats and bleeds and salivates, indicating he does have bodily function to some degree. (I'll touch on this a bit later.)

If his features are distorted/more predatory HOW SOFT MUST HE HAVE LOOKED BEFORE WHAT THE FUCK?

ALL OF CAZADOR'S SPAWN HAVE SOULS. This is Weird for Vampires/Undead.

Notes from other (Non-FR) Lore sources:

Midgard (D&D 5e supplement from Kobold Press):

Vampire Spawn are able to have children and sometimes those children are Dhampir/Dhampyr (do with this what you will)

Honestly this system has a ton of cool lore, but that is the only different Spawn-specific thing I found by skimming. But if you want lots of Vampire/Dhampir/cool character backgrounds related to those things? Please take a look. Not associated, just found it while researching and Thought It Was Neat.

General/IRL Vampire Lore:

Originally Vampires couldn't see themselves in mirrors because they were backed with a thin layer of silver - a very pure metal said to repel vampires and werewolves. So theoretically a Vampire in the today times would be able to be seen in a mirror, as ours have aluminum backings. So you could, potentially, with a bit of work, find an exotic mirror that might work for Astarion and the horde of other Spawn you may or may not have released into the Underdark.

Running water has the same implications in that it's pure, which is why a Vampire can't touch/cross it.

Sunlight as a Vampire weakness only came about during the film Nosferatu where it then became public lexicon - prior to that, Vampires were more active at night, but not inactive during the day.

I read somewhere - probably on this hellsite - that a Vampire's fangs are technically their reproductive organs, and I hate it. Please make this joke more in fanfics.

Vampire, The Masquerade (which is now not the most up-to-date World of Darkness lore, but more widely known):

"Vampire bodies do not function like the bodies of living organisms. They are (more or less) preserved in a life-like state, but they do not age or die from illness." - pretty standard among all Vampire lore

"Vampires are also vulnerable to so-called "True Faith", that is, the strength of a person's true religious conviction (which is, fortunately for vampires, very rare). Such faith need not be religious per se — one of the rulebooks mentions a yuppie repelling a vampire with his credit card, thanks to his faith in the power of money." - lmao please this is so funny, please imagine some rich idiot in somewhere in Toril pulling a 'The power of Christ compels you!' with a sack of gold pieces. Let's be honest, it's probably some rich merchant from Amn.

"Vampires are immune to most diseases, drugs and poisons, but can be affected by some if present in the blood of their victims." - cheap and easy way to save money on wine

"Normally, a vampire looks the part of a corpse. They're pale and register no pulse. They exist at slightly below room temperature. Food and drink taste terrible, and immediately cause violent, bloody vomiting. They also cannot function sexually, or convincingly fake enjoying sex."

The Blush of Life skill! "By spending a point of Vitae, Kindred may invoke the blush of life for a scene. This makes them functionally human. They become warm to the touch, with a full, hearty pulse. They produce natural bodily fluids. They function sexually in the way a human can, becoming physically aroused, erect, and lubricated. They can keep food and drink down, ejecting it later in the night. They’ll pass medical inspection while the blush remains active."

I can't remember where this came from:

I remember reading somewhere that Vampires probably need to feed in order to continue to have regeneration properties. So they have blood/fluids but they need to feed to be able to maintain those fluid levels. So if a Vampire gets injured, they'll continue getting weaker until they feed rather than naturally recouperating like other beings. - This actually ties really well into both the lore Astarion's exhaustion and hunger when he asks to feed on the player. It's the first time he's had to fight in a long time, and he was mostly starved by Cazador, so his vitality is quite low. (Unfortunately this wouldn't be very fun mechanically if implemented that way, so it's headcanon territory.) EDIT TO ABOVE: Apparently he's only feeding to see if he can disobey Cazador per his Origin route, but leaving that up as it's a valid interpretation if the Origin is excluded, since there's no reason to think otherwise as the Player Character.

Vampires look more alive once they feed. They may be a little warmer, have a bit of color in their cheeks again, etc. Different to VtM's Blush of Life as this is specific to feeding, when the other is a skill that can be performed.

As weird as it is to think about, I love whatever the fuck this answer is on Quora: It goes into depth from the perspective of a Vampire on how the body processes nutrients and expels waste.

LORE'S OVER, HERE'S THE FUN PART!

I have questions. SO many questions. Even if it's stupid, I want to hear your answers!

ARE VAMPIRE SPAWN IMMORTAL? IF NOT, HOW LONG DO THEY LIVE FOR? A: Idfk, I assume immortal, but literally nothing confirms whether this is the case. Either way it's A Very Long Time.

CAN VAMPIRE SPAWN EAT & DRINK? IS IT A TADPOLE THING? Honestly this could go either way for me. I do like the VtM interpretation of not being able to keep it down for long if they do.

HOW DOES THE BODY WORK? DIGESTIVE SYSTEM? CIRCULATORY SYSTEM? Idk tbh. Please help. (Though I do like the non-regenerative fluids idea.)

BODY TEMPERATURE? I agree he runs cooler than normal body temperature and is probably That Asshole With The Cold Feet in bed but I also saw this cute af headcanon of him of him being cold-blooded like a lizard. So self-regulating body temperature by sun-bathing and such and I can't stop thinking about it.

OTHER QUESTIONS I FORGOT?

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS NONSENSE!!

[vanilkaplays]

I'd never been interested in the hirelings that Withers offers, because why would I, when I already have a group of perfectly loveable and most efficient companions, my precious little disasters. I have trouble choosing who to leave behind at camp as it is because I love them all. But eventually I decided to try the hirelings for the achievement and...

Actually, perhaps he'd fit fine in our merry band of self-destructive chaos gremlins.

Also, apparently the hirelings cannot speak for themselves, so Withers speaks through them.

I think Withers would like it on tumblr.

[frodo-with-glasses]

Discord Highlights: Bilbo Gamgee

From a discussion on 4/28/23

meg is me:

Headcanon for no reason that Bilbo Gamgee is like my own bby cousin who spoke zero words until he was like 2 and a half and then suddenly decided to talk one day and turns out he had been building quite the vocabulary 😂

InvisibleWashboard:

That goes well with our previously established chaos gremlin lore, I think.

meg is me:

is baby bilbo autistic. Maybe. Yes.

InvisibleWashboard:

Yo, so for some reason for YEARS I have thought Pippin's wife is autistic. Don't know where that came from or why, but it's firmly stuck in my head.

meg is me:

Little bilbo gets it into his curly little head that dwarves WILL come to his house one day and he's always watching for them Gimli and Legolas come for a visit one time Bilbo goes WILD with excitement IT'S TIME that it is one dwarf and an elf and not 13 and a wizard bothers him not a trifle

Me:

Bilbo swiftly gets himself into a wrestling match with Gimli

InvisibleWashboard:

And Legolas and Gimli definitely take him on a mini adventure while they're visiting.

Writing Valkyrie:

He asks Gimli about his beard.

Me:

*Mean Girl voice* “Oh my GOSH, Bilbo, you can’t just ask people why they have beards!”

Writing Valkyrie:

He wants to know for when he has his own beard! Gimli is like, "Um, lad, I don't know if you'll have a beard." But still teaches him anyways..

Me:

Where’s that headcanon post about the Brandybucks being the only hobbits who can grow even a little bit of facial hair, and Merry is inordinately proud that he has three chin hairs he’s gotta shave every day??

InvisibleWashboard:

Estella absolutely makes fun of him relentlessly for this.

Writing Valkyrie:

He treats 'em with the same importance and respect as the three hairs Galadriel gave Gimli.

meg is me:

Little bilbo asks to see the map of The Mountain and the key and everything and Gimli is like.... here's a Gondor map? And bilbo is like YES but you gotta put a dragon on it and Gimli is like I borrowed this from aragorn I can't deface it and Legolas is like I personally will draw you a dragon little hobbit child

Legolas can't draw

InvisibleWashboard:

Legolas not being able to draw is giving me fits.

meg is me:

I imagine little Bilbo being adamant that he is BILBO And he wants Bilbo's adventure When he leaves the house he forgets his handkerchief on purpose just so he can say he forgot it 😂 He loves Gimli because Dwarves are essential to The Bilbo Story He hears Legolas is from Mirkwood and he is OVER THE MOON

Me:

This is 100% in keeping with Tolkien’s own epilogue (in which all the Gamgee kids are nearly carbon copies of their namesakes) (Except for Frodo Gamgee, who is a carbon copy of Sam)

Windmill to the Stars:

Frodo simply cannot be copied

meg is me:

Elanor is more like Frodo than her brother is

Me:

this is why she’s Frodo’s favorite in the Magnolia AU

meg is me:

Help i am becoming obsessed with autistic!Bilbo Gamgee

InvisibleWashboard:

No help, just encouragement in your obsession.

Windmill to the Stars:

Now we all have our favorite bbys XD

meg is me:

He can RECITE "there and back again" Or at least large portions of it

Bilbo jr wants to be a spider killer but Elanor hates killing things and he refuses to make his sister sad

"Dad" "Yes, lad?" "Dad i dont think I want to kill a spider" "You don't have to, son" "You did." does sam admit the spider might still be alive

Me:

no. that just makes it worse

Windmill to the Stars:

Bilbo gets to kill spiders once Elanor marries and leaves Bag End

chaosandwhatnot:

The days before her wedding, he would constantly look at the spiders with narrowed evil eyes and tell them that it is only a matter of time

meg is me:

Becomes a Ghostbuster

Spiderbuster

InvisibleWashboard is @invisiblewashboard, Writing Valkyrie is @writingvalkyrie, Windmill to the Stars is @windmilltothestars, chaosandwhatnot is @grondds-and-roses, and meg is me does not have tumblr :-3

[monster-character-poll]

Round One Brackets

Welcome to round one! In total, we have 116 characters competing for the title of Best Monster! Voting will start June 26th. Good luck!

(Special shout out to my friends for helping, thanks guys!)

PART ONE

Ken Kaneki (Tokyo Ghoul) VS Power (Chainsaw Man) Denji (Chainsaw Man) VS Tony Tony Chopper (One Piece) Koro-Sensei (Assassination Classroom) VS Garou (One Punch Man) Kumoko (So I'm a Spider So What) VS Byakuroku (Amatsuki) Imperfect Cell (Dragon Ball Z) VS Dio Brando (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure) "Hikaru" (The Summer Hikaru Died) VS Shin-ah (Akatsuki no Yona) Moerumba (Futari wa Precure Splash Star) VS Sparda (Mahoutsukai Precure) Shindoine (Healin' Good Precure) VS John Doe (Yumekui Merry) Envy (Fullmetal Alchemist) VS Migi (Parasyte)

PART TWO

Frankie Stein (Monster High G1) VS Frankie Stein (Monster High G3) Draculaura (Monster High G1) VS Clawdeen Wolf (Monster High G1) Lagoona Blue (Monster High G1) VS Cleo de Nile (Monster High G1) Ghoulia Yelps (Monster High G1) VS Abbey Bominable (Monster High G1) Twyla (Monster High G1) VS Robecca Steam (Monster High G1) Spectra Vondergeist (Monster High G1) VS Operetta (Monster High G1) Deuce Gorgon (Monster High G1) VS Clawd Wolf (Monster High G1) Seth Ptolemy (Monster High G1) VS Jackson Jekyll/Holt Hyde (Monster High G1) Catty Noir (Monster High G1) VS Scarah Screams (Monster High G1)

PART THREE

Frankenstein's Monster (Frankenstein) VS Dracula (Dracula) Godzilla (Godzilla) VS King Kong (King Kong) Grendel (Beowulf) VS Gremlin (Gremlins) Mothra (Mothra) VS Minotaur (Greek Mythology) Baba Yaga (Slavic Folklore) VS El Coco (Folklore) Bigfoot (Folklore) VS Mothman (Folklore) The Wolfman (The Wolfman 1941) VS The Mummy (The Mummy 1959) Nosferatu (Nosferatu) VS Carmilla (Carmilla)

PART FOUR

Kelpie (Scottish Folklore) VS Nuckelavee (Orcadian Folklore) Santa Claus (Christian Mythology) VS Krampus (German Folklore) The Creature from the Black Lagoon (The Creature from the Black Lagoon 1954) VS Audrey II (Little Shop of Horrors) Shrek (Shrek) VS The Grinch (Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas) Elmo (Sesame Street) VS Venom (Marvel) Mike and Sully (Monsters Inc) VS Bowser (Mario Games) Monster House (Monster House) VS Giggling Green Ghost (Scooby-Doo) Edalyn Clawthorne (The Owl House) VS Vee Noceda (The Owl House)

PART FIVE

Springtrap (Five Nights At Freddy's) VS Sans (Undertale) Oz (Monster Prom) VS Polly Geist (Monster Prom) Faust (Guilty Gear Strive) VS Tenebrae (Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World) Reese Kelly (Scarlet Hollow) VS Zoe (Monster Prom) Chaos (Sonic Adventures) VS Teddie (Persona 4) Alucard (Castlevania) VS Ludwig the Holy Blade (Bloodborne) Asterius (Hades) VS Phonegingi (Dialtown) Lord Raptor (Darkstalkers) VS Firebrand (Ghosts 'n Goblins)

PART SIX

Mimikyu (Pokémon) VS Wormmon (Digimon) Impmon (Digimon) VS Guilmon (Digimon) Pikachu (Pokémon) VS Tyson (Percy Jackson) Lorgar Aurelian (Warhammer 40k) VS Rykard (Elden Ring) Mr. Hyde/Brain (Arthur) VS Twerkey (Miitopia) Micheal (The Magnus Archives) VS Jonathan Sims (The Magnus Archives) Elias Bouchard (The Magnus Archives) VS John Doe (Malevolent) The Hound (RWBY) VS Falin Touden (Dungeon Meshi)

PART SEVEN

Ankh (Kamen Rider OOO) VS Momotaros (Kamen Rider Den O) Graphite (Kamen Rider Ex Aid) VS Hajime Aikawa (Kamen Rider Blade) Urataros (Kamen Rider Den O) VS Kintaros (Kamen Rider Den O) Ryutaros (Kamen Rider Den O) VS Sieg (Kamen Rider Den O) Deneb (Kamen Rider Den O) VS Teddy (Kamen Rider Den O) Gubila (Ultraman) VS Pigmon (Ultraman) Nowhere King (Centaurworld) VS Pega (Ultraman Geed) Reimon (Ultra Galaxy: Mega Monster Battle) VS Kate (Ultra Galaxy: Mega Monster Battle)

[ginbenci]

for the year end ask game: 2, 4, 9, 11, and whichever one you most want to answer

2: How many fics I worked on: 25+ ! They divide as follows: Interviewing & Counseling series took 3 (and if we're counting "plans that should be posted by end of year", it gets 5! --that's part of the +); Imperial Green series took 4; Holy Subjectivity, Batman! series took another two; and the rest are stand-alones of varying length and completion status -- including two massive WIPs for Marvel Trumps Hate, and my Black Widow meets Agent Carter time travel extravaganza Back in the (US)SSR, at which I continue to chip away!

(the + also contains one (1) unpublished dialogue exchange in the Supernatural bunker between Cas and Sam. It cries out for a surrounding plot, but I don't have one.) 4: Most inspiring media: the 1998 movie Shakespeare in Love, which I mashed (along with Richard Gere's character beats in Pretty Woman) into one of my favourite works, All the World's a Stage, in which disaffected businessman Slade Wilson ends up investing in a shoestring theater in Gotham that is crewed by Dick Grayson and every bird there's ever been, and Slade finds himself (and love) in the process. Also -- playwright Jason Todd in happy Joyfire! Tons of parental angst! Tons of pratfalls!

9: Meant the most to me: Tossup bw All the World's a Stage (cf. 4, above) and Ripples (A Little Larger Than the Entire Universe), which at 726 words is my shortest fic (of this year and of all time). It feels a lot like a poem to me--I'm a careful editor, usually, but bc Ripples was so very short every single word was chosen purposefully, polished, picked up and turned over and put down again like a little gem. It's also about Krypton, the essential tragedy of Superman/Clark Kent, and astronomy (which I love)—and it made me reread Pessoa, which is also always good.

11: Most satisfying to finish: Okay, tossup with All the World's a Stage again, but only because it's this year's only completed longfic and my other longfics are still trundling along their merry ways 🤣 The other side of the tossup is Bus Error (even though I actually finished it in December 2022) because it was due for posting as part of the Birdwatchers 365 event on January 1 and when I signed up for the word "Bus" I was terrified we'd start off with a fumble and a pinch hit because of me 😂

24: Something that surprised me in a fic: DYLAN. Dylan Miller, eelman, mobster, chaos gremlin, completely unpredictable OC in The Passing There. He KEEPS changing the story and it's frankly getting a bit silly--Dylan contains multitudes. (Alternate Universe Bruce "Alan" is also a bit of a wildcard, there, but every major Dylan moment takes me by surprise.

Thanks for asking, @draskireis, this was very fun to go through ♥ Onwards to 2024 (etc--once I'm finished up for 2023!)

[draftingteacups]

Whole human babies facts because you get them.

In Heartslabyul during a merry unbirthday. Happiny

is wearing her adorable uniform, cue everyone just

silently in awe how adorable she looks. As she joins

the tea party. She even let some help put a cute little Spade on her face to match her papa, and Cater provided the cute little barrettes with the card suits thanks to the power of hair clips he bought on sale.

Now for Octavinelle! And trust me it's more flipping

adorable!

Listen. Watch every student there, watching Sobble

do his first little job. Giving people their drinks, since

he's small and young. He can give people their

drinks. Cue everyone taking pictures and recordings

while all working goes "you're doing great, little

Sobble". Azul tries to denies it, but he's like. Trying

hard not to show proud man tears of his child like.

"I'm a proud person of this child." Best part? He gets a cute little mer form. He keeps his tail and fins. So when that form was discovered, all say they heard Floyd squealing how adorable he looked. Swimming practices? Jade was i n on it.

Scarabia (yes. It's gonna happen. I said it. Lets do

this)

Now. That Joltik gets the few seconds of being human, they are very short. Short enough to hide in Kalim sweater, trust me. That alone is adorable, and there they are, in a tiny scarabia uniform. It still possess some of their form features. No right eyes. Just the clamps on their face. Which is no harm, it’s all round and gentle. They can still climb on the walls, and Jamil silently fears them. Let Kalim throw a banquet for the adorable little Joltik, and everyone is all in. It’s their tiny child, and tiny child is precious.

Savanaclaw (yes. I’m bringing the hangry baby in.)

Morpeko. Oh man. They are mischievous as they are cute, wearing matching uniform with Ruggie makes it cute. They have that cool unique hair that still change color depends who they speaking. If it’s not a hungry side, they are all good happy. But if they are hangry, they better provide them and Ruggie food. That’s a small person you don’t wanna fight.

The small ones also have a lovely group, it’s all cute and giggles and hungry kids.

Have fun, enjoy your day, and I will return with fanarts. Possibly one with Soni. This is a promise. And I have improved, so it will be awesome.

aw, the Pokebabies! 🥺

Human!Happiny having a matching Spade with Deuce, Sobble and his little job around the dorm, Joltik lol him on the walls and Jamil LOLOLOLOL, and Morpeko basically looking at people and being a hungry gremlin alskdfjklasl

I can also see Happiny being fussy with her hair (because of the Pokedex entry/what I read on Bulbapedia) because she hates how curly it can be. Chaos ensues when the others want to style her hair and she only lets her Mama put up her hair into the classic bow style she loves as a Happiny with a Spade barette.

One scenario: Sobble singing "Just keep swimming" as he swims in the ocean with the Tweels and Azul.

Joltik singing the Joltikboy theme song as he climbs the walls; cue Jamil just hearing that and giving it the same vibes as the Jaw Theme Song alksdjfjlak

Morpeko and his throne of sweets, sharing only with Ruggie laksfdljkajkl

[my-major-is-k-howard]

Lover

There’s no better way to celebrate my birthday than to share the first chapter of this story that I finally finished editing. This is inspired by “Lover” by Taylor Swift. Hope you guys enjoy!

Word Count: 1469

————————————————————

Ch. 1 - Christmas Lights

Anne smiled to herself as she quietly pushed open the door of the bedroom that she and Cathy shared. She squinted her eyes as the light of the setting sun threatened to blind her. She averted her eyes away from the window to the wall opposite of the bed and focused on the string of fairy lights adorned with Polaroid pictures. Several of them glinted in the light as Anne approached them. Each of them held a special memory of her and Cathy, each one a special moment they had shared in their relationship. 

Anne felt herself getting emotional as she scanned each of the photos briefly, remembering each one vividly as she passed them. It seemed like only yesterday they were falling in love for the first time, sharing their first kisses and “I love you”s. Cathy and Anne had been falling in love every day since then. They had built a home together, filling their lives with laughter and the occasional displays of chaos from the gremlin herself. It never failed to make Anne smile when she remembered she had a home to return to at the end of each day, with her favorite person. Her lover. Catherine Parr.

Anne found her gaze fixed on the first Polaroid they had put up. It was from Christmas a couple years ago. The queens had gotten together at Anne and Cathy’s house to celebrate the occasion. The Polaroid showed all six queens in their best Christmas apparel. Cleves had thrown up her hands in rock n’ roll gestures, while Kat was laughing at her antics. Catherine was posed like a nun with her eyes closed, with Jane doing her best to dab appropriately. In the middle of the photo, Anne was kissing Cathy’s cheek as the latter queen smiled outrageously big at the gesture. 

~~~~~

“Please don’t fall!” Cathy exhaled as she watched Anne precariously perched on a chair, putting the star on top of the Christmas tree.

“I won’t, babe. I’m very careful,” Anne replied, placing the star slightly lopsided on the top of the tree before hopping down from the chair.

“No, you’re not and you know that.” Cathy shook her head slightly. “Help me hang these Christmas lights up?” She gestured to the final string of Christmas lights in her hands.

Anne crossed the room to where Cathy was and wrapped her arms around her, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “Of course.” 

The two worked in perfect unison as they wrapped the final lights around the handrail of the stairs, the last place they had chosen to fill with Christmas cheer. They took a step back to admire their work and smiled at each other.

“We make a pretty good team, don’t we,” Anne joked as Cathy giggled. 

“I would hope so. We are in a relationship, love,” Cathy joked back and gave Anne a peck on the cheek. Her gaze shifted back to the lights. “You know, for all the effort we put into decorating, it’s a shame they’ll only be up for a few weeks.”

“Well, we could just keep them up,” Anne commented quietly. “You know, until we decorate for the next holiday.”

Cathy looked to Anne curiously. “Until Valentine’s Day?”

“Yeah! Why not?” Anne beamed at Cathy and flashed her a quick smile. Cathy smiled back and leaned in for a kiss but was rudely interrupted by the doorbell ringing repeatedly. Anne groaned as Cathy left to answer the door.  

“Merry Christmas!” Kat loudly exclaimed to practically everybody in the neighborhood. Anne grinned to herself before following Cathy to greet her overly excited cousin. 

Anne was quickly embraced by Kat as soon as she saw her. “Merry Christmas, Anne!” Anne pulled her cousin a little closer and replied, “Merry Christmas, Kat!”

Anne looked up to see that the other four queens were smiling fondly at them. The two cousins parted and they all exchanged Christmas greetings before Kat ushered them all to the tree.

“You’ve decorated quite nicely,” Jane commented as she placed her and Catherine’s gifts under the tree. 

“Thanks! We added a few finishing touches right before you all arrived,” Cathy mentioned as she watched the pile of presents under the tree grow. “I’m going to make some hot cocoa before we open gifts.”

Kat protested at the delay of opening presents but was quickly appeased by Anna whispering to her that they could cuddle until Cathy returned. Anne was sitting on the couch, watching the exchange with a smile on her face. She was happy that Cleves treated her cousin so well, especially when taking into consideration how terrible her past relationships had been. Anna truly loved Kat and it warmed Anne’s heart to know that. 

Before she knew it, Cathy was returning from the kitchen with a tray of steaming mugs. They each grabbed one before Cathy settled down next to Anne and snuggled into her side. Anne felt butterflies in her stomach as she wrapped an arm around her girlfriend.

“Can we open presents now?” Kat asked impatiently. All the other queens laughed and they began handing out the gifts from under the tree. Of course, Kat ended up with a large pile of presents, much to her delight. Each of the queens began unwrapping their gifts and making excited comments on each as they saw what was underneath the wrapping paper. 

Anne was excited to see what the other queens had gotten her for Christmas. She eagerly ripped the paper of each of her gifts to shreds to reveal what was inside. Jane had gotten her a lovely green sweater that looked like it was knit by hand. Aragon’s gift was a red choker with bells on it that Anne would make sure to annoy the other queens with before the day was over. Kat had gotten her a Nerf gun that Anne was already excited to use against Catherine, which had earned a loud groan from said queen when she saw what the gift was. 

Next, Anne blushed when she saw that Anna’s gift was a framed picture of Cathy. How she even got that picture, Anne had no idea. A quick glance to the girl next to her revealed that Cathy was having a similar reaction to a framed photo of her. 

“You guys are so whipped,” Cleves exclaimed from her spot next to Kat. This caused both girls to turn even deeper shades of red before locking eyes and giggling to themselves.

“You haven’t opened mine yet,” Cathy whispered, gesturing to Anne’s last unwrapped gift.

“I’m saving the best for last,” Anne responded and unwrapped the paper hurriedly. Anne discarded the paper to the side and admired the beautiful leather bound journal that she recognized immediately. “Is this…”

“Yeah. It’s my journal. I finally filled out all the pages in it. I figured since most of the pages are about you anyway I might as well let you read them,” Cathy blushed as she admitted the sentiment behind the gift. 

Anne was so touched by this and slowly leaned in to give Cathy a loving kiss. “I guess it’s fitting that I got you a new journal for Christmas then,” Anne smirked after pulling away and gestured to the blue journal lying next to Cathy. 

“I guess it is,” Cathy smiled and leaned in for another kiss, only to be interrupted by a loud squeal of excitement. 

“NO WAY!” Kat shrieked as she held up the pink Polaroid camera that Anne and Cathy had gotten her. The couple knew that Kat had recently taken interest in photography and were hoping she would enjoy the classic style of the Polaroid. Her reaction definitely didn’t disappoint. Kat quickly skimmed the instruction manual before inserting the film into the camera. “We have to take a picture together!”

All the queens immediately shuffled into position as Kat set up the timer for the picture and put the camera on a ledge. They all smiled at the camera and waited for the flash to go off and the picture to eject. Kat grabbed the photo and set it aside, claiming they needed to take a silly photo too. The other queens all showed their silly sides, while Anne pulled Cathy closer into her side and kissed her cheek. It took fifteen minutes before Anne saw the blush on Cathy’s face from her action.

“Those are so cute,” Aragon commented as Kat showed the other queens the final products.

Kat shyly approached Anne and Cathy before handing them the queen’s silly Polaroid. “Thank you both for the camera. I want you to keep this picture as my ‘thank you,’” Kat whispered to them.

“Aw, babes, that’s so sweet,” Anne cooed to her cousin and gave her a hug. “I hope you enjoy the camera forever, Kitty Kat.”

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 16 For Candia (Part 1)

The Second Most Stressful Conversation All Season

The Rocks family sails up to Cola River, concealed in Primsy’s ships with a small contingent of soldiers. As they go, they pick up another set of allies--the remaining knights from Theo’s order.

Ruby gets called to speak with her mom and dad and Cara asks her to close the door behind her. When she speaks, it’s with more candor than she’s ever used with Ruby that we’ve seen. She says that all she’s ever wanted for Ruby was her safety and she tried to secure that by protecting her from secrets but now she is truly a woman grown and the best way to protect her is by sharing secrets, an approach Ruby seems to appreciate. 

Cara fills her in on what she and Amethar learned last episode--Ghee died before she married Amethar. That means she’s still queen, he’s still king, and though Rina is still Amethar’s first born heir, Ruby is also trueborn. 

Ruby asks if they’re going to tell people and Amethar says he wants to wait. Things are heightened right now and it would make things weird in battle. Ruby says that if that’s what he wants, she won’t tell anyone. Ruby also says she doesn’t trust Rina’s people, something Amethar cites as another reason he doesn’t want to tell people yet.

Cara asks Ruby’s opinion on Rina and she says that she thinks she’s dangerous. Cara agrees and Amethar thinks she’s being a little harsh in her assessment but Ruby goes on. She thinks that Rina has tunnel vision in her hatred of the church and there are good people who follow the Bulb (again, Cara is a devout Bulbian). Cara chimes in that Port Syrup is in ruins because of her people. Amethar wants to delay all this talk but Cara drops an absolute banger of a line, “Amethar. The delay of conversation has been perhaps your most cardinal sin.” 

Ruby thinks that maybe Rina can be good but her people are full stop, bad. She didn’t order Port Syrup sacked (good) but it was by her people in her name (bad) and she doesn’t seem super bothered by the collateral damage (also bad). However, she does think that maybe if she wasn’t surrounded by these people, she'd make different choices. 

Cara says that with Rina on the throne, Candia’s future is written in flame. She says that Theo was pretty quick to join up with Rina and asks Amethar what he thinks he’ll do with the new info about his kingship. Amethar thinks he’ll be loyal so she thinks maybe they can tell him but Ruby points out that he’s not good with secrets. Cara says that’s a wise observation. She also says, in not so many words, that this is going to be a dangerous battle and during dangerous battles, sometimes people--like your husband’s pesky half daughter who is bumping your own daughter in the line of succession and has a merry band of war criminals--die.

“Hey, you’re talking about my daughter,” says Amethar.

“I am talking about the future of Candia,” says Cara. 

She tells Ruby that if she doesn’t think it’s a good idea to talk to Theo, that’s fine, but she should listen to her heart. She has the sight for the future to come and “If fortune cannot be on our side, we will have to do what fortune cannot.”

The Most Stressful Conversation All Season

The ship continues to sail upriver. Brennan makes a little roll that he doesn’t announce but seems entirely too pleased about. 

There’s a lot of debate about arriving and attacking and they decide to get to Dulcington late so they have cover but can attack when it starts to get light and have some visability for archers and such. 

It’s the middle of the night as they approach their destination and Rina hears a knock at her door. It’s Swifty and, wouldn’t you know it, he just eavesdropped on a *reaaaaaal* interesting conversation by the royal family (we get a quick cut to Brennan’s mystery-roll). But before he can spill the tea, she stops to tell him (and Gooey who is also there doing the bodyguard thing) that she was *not* about the carnage of Port Syrup. They NEED to be better than that. These people may never accept her but she doesn’t want them to *hate* her. Swifty is like, “lol, about that.” She tells her what he heard--or at least *some* of what he heard. He tell her about the death/wedding timeline and about the fact that they’ve been sitting on the news for a day (leaving out the bits where Amethar defended her and Ruby thought she might be good) and implies that they’re waiting for her to die in battle (something Cara implied in fairness) or kill her themselves (a little more of a leap--but not by much). Rina, not quite seething but something akin to it, says that if they had just told her this information, she would have worked with them seeing as the crown was only ever a means to an end for her but they had to be dishonest with her. Swifty says he’s excited to waste all their enemies during the upcoming battle and, once it’s over, if she wants them to turn their slaughter efforts a little closer to home, she just has to say the word. In response, she says she wants to speak to Theo so she can seek his counsel. She also reiterates that the Port Syrup debacle was a full war crime and shouldn’t have happened regardless of her relationship with the Rocks family (Swifty and Gooey exchange a glance she doesn’t fully parse) and then Gooey gets Theo.

After some weird flirting with Gooey (he makes an appointment to get “slammed big style” [sic] by her), Theo shows up to talk to Rina. She says that she’s been helping the Rocks family a ton in battle but she’s only been rebuffed. Is it worth it? Should she keep helping them? Theo says that he’s known the family for a long time and they’re good people who wouldn’t hurt her. Rina says that Theo is an honorable man and she trusts that even if he doesn’t side with her, he’ll do the honorable thing. Then she tells her what she knows, info that he is, of course, hearing for the first time. On an 18 Insight check, he knows he’s not being lied to and he knows he has a choice to make. He remembers Lazuli, all those years on their first meeting, telling him to think for himself and he amends his earlier statement. He might have spoken too soon about Amethar. He’s reckless, he wishes he could have worked for any of his sisters rather than him, and he clearly doesn’t have love for all of his family based on the way he’s treating her. He’s officially Team Rina (like he kinda was before but even moreso). She makes it official by casting the Dedication version of Ceremony on him and he feels more connected to her than ever before (also +1d4 to all Saving Throws for 24 hours). 

War is Hell (to Recap) 

The group gets into position with a bunch of stealth checks to get ready for their dawn attack. Despite pledging himself to Rina, Theo doesn’t want to work against Amethar and he wants to tell Cumulus. Rina agrees since she doesn’t fully trust her people and she thinks it’s good to bring another trustworthy person in on this.

Right before fighting breaks out, Theo gives the CliffsNotes version to Cumulus (ie: there is some weirdness in the line of succession and the family is plotting without us) and also messages Liam that Rina is potentially in danger, getting back the message that he’ll for sure help protect her. Ruby rolls Insight to see if she can tell Theo’s being weird but with a Nat 20 deception check from him, she’s sure that Theo is loyal to them above all else and would never betray them.  

OK guys, here’s the deal. Almost everything else in this episode is truly just chess. Moving units across the board. Taking out troops strategically. Placing minis. Stuff like that. Not at all interesting to recap or read. So all you really need to know is, “The Rocks family and their numerous allies (cheese sailors manning catapults, monks, Candian fighters) get into position and the fight begins at dawn, with them doing pretty well once it starts.” Pretty much everyone gets to do at least one clutch thing and you can check out the episode if you want more detail than that.

The only really important thing to know is that Kerradin is there, Grissini is there, and Plumbeline is there. In fact, not only is she there, she comes down from the castle walls so she can ride in on her meep chariot and knock Theo prone.  

Unfortunately for her, she hasn’t gotten the news about Peppermint Batman. Three attacks+flanking+sneak attack+favored enemy damage+bursting arrow+hail of arrows=58 damage to Plumbeline immediately.

As she stands over Theo, two crossbow bolts explode through her eyes and she drops down dead.

And that’s it for this episode! Join us next week for the actual finale of a Crown of Candy!

1 Million Years Dungeon

SWIFTY!

Man, Swifty really is the personification of Brennan’s craving for some sweet, sweet PvP action huh?

You homicidal little chaos gremlin, it is BAFFLING that you have the queen’s ear and I hate it.

Things I’m Concerned About

Emily had Rina use the word “fools” and I know that she grew up on the same Disney movies that we did where fools is an antagonist exclusive word. Hate the implications of that!

Do you remember what I said about Cara in her literal first appearance? I generally like her but I’m getting some light Lady Macbeth vibes. Well here we are. It was so weird to see her and Ruby getting along but I really loved the scene. So tense and so careful with every word. (Also, I *knew* that info was going to get to Rina as the conversation was happening and I was bracing for it but it was still like, damn).

We still haven’t gotten to, “Family is exposed, family is vulnerable.”

That look Gooey and Swifty shared? Don’t love that. 

So, as I’ve been concerned about for a while now, we’re gearing up for some PvP. It still doesn’t have to happen but things are getting dicey and lines are being drawn. Theo has made his allegiances known and Cumulus from way back when said he stands with the magic of Candia, not the Rocks family--plus he just pledged his whole order to her. Ruby and Amethar obviously are on the same side if this happens (though you know no one wants to avoid PvP more than him) and I think Liam would be more inclined to stay with the family if it comes to it, though he also doesn’t seem like he’d be down for this.

Continuing on from my last point, if there’s a big PvP fight potentially on the horizon and the other side has a DRAGON and also ALL THE HEALS...mmm, I wouldn’t love that. Oh also, I didn’t mention it in the recap but Rina said she wasn’t gonna waste her spells on Ruby/Amethar anymore which is a SCARY THING for your HEALER to say before the FINAL BATTLE.  

Edit: I forgot to mention (s/o to @fjordgofurther for the sideways reminder)! Because of the way it’s been framed (“we will have to do what fortune cannot”) and because of the poetry of it and, practically speaking, because they’re the two main casters, if it gets to PvP I can see it ending up being Rina and Ruby, head to head and...do not care for that image one bit lemme tell you. 

Five More Things

I am VERY happy that Rina told off her crew about their casual war crimes because it would have dropped by opinion of her HUGELY if she was just chill about it. 

I don’t want to downplay the amount of work that went into the battle stuff in this ep. There were a lot of cool large scale battle mechanics and home rules for fighting with troops and letting them use your abilities and stuff. But it’s very hard for me to recount that without sounding like a history textbook chapter on the Civil War or something and I’m not Ken Burns. 

Place your bets. Blessed Ally Nat 20 on the wish-egg-seed or on icing Kerradin?

Very wild that they destroyed the afterlife RIGHT before this fight. Like, before they knew that if they died, they could at least still talk to their loved ones to some degree. But now that’s gone. Perma-death is suddenly extra-perma. I wonder if that was a conscious choice on Brennan’s part.

Did I ever get to say, “newly *mint*-ed” with regard to Liam’s Peppermint Batman status? I don’t remember and it would be a shame if I hadn’t. 

I have more thoughts but this episode ends so clearly midway through the action that I feel it’s best to leave them for the actual finale. 

One More Thing!

As I’ve mentioned on here before, I’m working on an audiodrama podcast which should be dropping later this year! Absolutely No Adventures, a podcast about avoiding dangerous quests, making weird friends, and baking. It’s also a podcast about baking.  

The Twitter handle is @noadventurespod and we just got our art!

I’m very excited to start releasing stuff for it and I hope some of y’all check it out!

[tinyballofcanadianrage]

Merry Christmas Tumblr! And happy holidays to all my non Christmas followers!

Here is my gift to you, a fun fact! Here it is: Maria was not supposed to be as she is. That's right! If you've been following me long enough you may remember her in the beginning; she was supposed to be this beautiful, suave, confident, not mentally ill glorious woman who took no shit but actually cared a lot. If you've ever read the Phryne Fisher books, I based Maria off her.

Then, somehow, along the line she slowly less refined and more of a feral chaos gremlin. And then I decided that she should be a disabled woman and then POOF. Fully self actualized and realized character. But also an angry ball of mental illness memes and Too Many Feelings™.

Important disclaimer: she is not mentally ill because she is a disabled woman and she is not a disabled woman because of her illnesses. She is a "human" being who deserves help and support and love just like anyone else. But, realistically, you can't live 400+ years and go through two world wars plus so much else and NOT be at least a little mentally hurt from it. Maria's "chaos gremlin" side is NOT because of/equal to her illnesses or disability. Even if she was a neurotypical abled woman she would still be a gremlin agent of chaos. It is an inherent part of her character, from day one. It has just grown and changed as she has.

[lucarioisinthevoid]

Dark was the night. The moon shined bright. Snow was covering the green fields outside- Wait. This doesn’t work in English. Dammit. Oh well. It was a peaceful evening- or rather, late noon. It just got dark THAT early, so it felt like evening already. The restaurant laid abandoned, in silence, as everyone had gone to sleep ea- BAM, DOOR BUST OPEN, JEREMY EMERGED FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL, LIKE A TRUE GREMLIN. “CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAS!” DAVE AND OLD SPORT CAME FROM THE CEILING, DROPPING DOWN IN LIQUID FORM BEFORE BECOMING SOLID AGAIN. “CHRISTER MISTER, CHRISTER MISTER, CHRI-“ Poor Mike who sat there, wearing a Christmas hat was close to losing it. “COULD YOU STOP FUCKING SCREAMING!?” “NO,” Dave responded, mercilessly. “IT’S CHRISTIAN’S BIRTHDAY. WE GOTTA CELEBRATE.” Jeremy made an offended noise. “No- not- don’t make fun of this! This holiday is REALLY important to me!” “Why.” The response was pretty casual. “Because- well- it’s a very happy day that is meant to remember that all of us can be forgiven!” Old Sport turned away, trying not to laugh. “Aw, I’m sorry Jeremy. We didn’t mean to make fun of you.” “YOU BETTER! BECAUSE THOSE THAT DO ARE NAUGHTY AND DON’T GET COOKIES!” As threatening as the average golden retriever puppy he pointed at them. However, both of the colorful killers whined and rolled over. NOT DENYING COOKIES! Simon entered the room, eggnog in hand. “What’s the chaos about?” When he spotted Mike, he moved over to hand him a glass. This was met with a scoff. “I can’t have alco-“ “It’s free. I’ll spike my own drink.” And with that Simon took out a giant flask and began pouring it into his own cup, more and more much to Mike’s amazement. “… thanks… I guess…?” “No problem. I look out for you.” He took a hearty swig from the eggnog. “I love the holidays. I love being allowed to drink.” “Yeah, sure, rub it in.” Grumpy Mike responded. “Oh, sorry, didn’t, uh- didn’t mean that.” “As if.” They looked out into the group that surrounded them, throwing around snowy glitter and chattering on about what kind of cookies they wanted. Eventually Mike nudged the Phone. “… hey, is that the detective there or am I losing it again?” “That is the detective, yep.” “… so nobody planned to tell me, huh?” At this point he wasn’t even surprised. The detective was being ushered around by the giant machines around him, pushed forward towards the two of them. Awkwardly he approached, looking at each of them. “… I… I think the animatronics would like to be decorated. Would that be- can we-“ Two bodies crashed into him right away, before he could even finish and both the Orange Guy as well as Jeremy, sitting on top of him, excited. “YES WE TOTALLY CAN DECORATE THEM!” “W-we could cover them in fake snow and give them little ornaments-“ “FLASHING LIGHTS. EVERY KID IN THE WHOLE CITY SHOULD GET SEIZURES. WE COULD RACK UP SUCH A KILL C- I MEAN, CHRISTMAS COUNT FOR ALL THE JOY WE ARE SPREADING!” Jeremy looked at him from the side. “Listen, Old Sport, I really love and look up to you, but if you ruin Christmas for me, I WILL do things to you that won’t make me proud.” Four sets of eyes stared into him, but he didn’t waver. Christmas is NO joke. And he wouldn’t let ANYONE get in the way of it. After he felt like the seriousness of the situation as set in, he was cheerful once more. “Anyways, can we decorate them Mr. Phone Guy? Please, please, please! We’ll be careful!” Freddy joined in. “Yes, boss, it would be nice… wouldn’t you let us have some holiday spirit too?” “Uh-“ Unsure he looked between the people. “… sure?” Children’s cheering sounded, as they all ran off to get something festive to put onto them. The Phone Guy sighed. “I’ll regret this, won’t I?” With that he took out the flask again and downed the liquid without a hint of hesitation. Ethan was still sitting there, seemingly lost. “… I really can’t leave.” “Wow. Big fucking surprise.” Mike responded, dripping sarcasm. “I- I just meant that’s why I’m still here. I didn’t mean to- interrupt your Christmas celebration.” For a moment Phoney inspected the detective, then shook his head. “We don’t mind you here.” “I didn’t even get a present for anyone.” The man blurted out. “We, uh- nobody did.” “Oh.” Insecure he looked around. “I… I suppose then it’s okay.” Suddenly he yelped as a sudden cold feeling hit the back of his head. Snickering came from the door, Chica was looking in and snickering. “H-hey- are- is she supposed to do that?!” Quickly the detective wiped away the wet feeling from his neck. “Won’t it hurt their- the mechanics inside of them-“ Smugly Mike grinned. “The only one I’M seeing getting hurt is your fucking ego. Getting hit like that? PATHETIC.” Staring down at him, Ethan paused, then slowly crossed his arms. “… true. You’re right. I won’t bother you any further.” Quickly he left towards the door. “Think that little bitch was insulted?” The guard asked his friend, but only got a shrug in response. Soon enough his mind was taken out of it though, as Jeremy came out of the back again, handing out plates of warm cookies. The machines had been decorated with paper snowflakes, with actual false snow, Foxy had a little glittering balls hanging from him, while Bonnie was covered in colorful lights. Everyone was happy and proud so far. Jeremy gifted everyone handcrafted papers with a thank you and what they appreciated about them- even the detective was supposed to get one, now that he was confirmed to be here and stay around. The others promised to get him something as thank you and that they were sorry for not having prepared anything for this year’s Christmas. He reassured them that he didn’t need another gift aside from their company, but secretly was looking forward to getting gifts. Happily he bit into his cookies, sitting in a circles with the others, in front of a fire that they just started in the middle of the main hall. “I hope everyone is having a nice Christmas! And remembers that each Christmas is a new chance to forgive and that there’s nothing more valuable than peace in your heart.” Dave chimed in. “Nothin’ except a tank. A tank is fuckin’ valuable. Jeremy, imma build you a tank for next Christmas.” All in all it was a peaceful Christmas Eve. Oh yeah, Mike and Phone Guy were later in the evening found drowned in a pile of snow. Chicken and human footprints were found in the snow, but no strong suspects were found. An oversized duck that we saw on a street near the incident commented on the event with “Pathetic.”

In the distance, in the void, a small figure sat alone in front of a fireplace, wearing a Santa hat and drinking hot chocolate. The little lizard had a decorated tank, which included a miniature decorated tree that he seemed to be pretty happy about, as well as a few stacked grasshoppers that he occasionally ate from. It looked like Henry was watching the fire, but actually he was watching the people in the restaurant, lost in thought. Jealous? “… not in the slightest. Stuff like that stresses me out, I am happy to not be part of it. I do lament the lack of snow in the void though.” Wouldn’t you know it, snow started to pick up, dancing through the darkness, not cold, not warm, only there for a second before disappearing again. And for once, Henry smiled a little, peacefully. Bless you, murder monster man. “Bless you too. Whatever blessings you may wish for.” (I just felt like writing a small something for Christmas, to get everyone in the mood... seeing as I couldn’t make a dedicated chapter for it Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukah or Bestested Holidays, I love you all and hope you have some wholesome days the next while :3 )

[afterthelastreset]

(Finally got around to finishing Ace up)

Name: Ace Kaard (named after the Ace card) Personality: boisterous, happy-go-lucky, can snap if pushed enough, pretty friendly and open, can come off as crazy Age: 12 Species: a mixture of stuffed cat and imp Family: Rouxls Kaard: Step Father, Seam: Other father, Jevil: father, J.K.: half brother, Ace: Half brother Powers/Abilities: out of the trio of sibings he's the only one who can summon aces, spades, hearts, and diamonds though it's limited unlike Jevil's, most flexible and well balanced of his brothers, can speak partially a 2nd language, sharp claws, Can't remove his head but he can float in air like Jevil  Appearance: orange cheeks/ear insides, wears bells, black,orange,and purple jester suit, black shoes, orange and white eyes, tan fur around neck/tail, black fingerless gloves, orange paw pads, purple skin Bonus: Out of him and his brothers, Ace was the only one created by magic and was actually an accident created by Jevil and Seam when they tried to combined their magical abilities to create a new trick. The result being a small gremlin cat babie being created from it all. The day he was brought home, two toddler brother were happy to have another sibling and Rouxls groaned because he'd have to change more diapers. Ace was named after the Ace card and just like his two older brothers, had incredible flexibility and performing skills. Out of the three Nosuit siblings, Ace is the only one who inherited Jevil's full magical abilities which includes hovering for long periods of time, summons all the cards symbols, and sometimes even make a magical double of himself. The only thing he can't do that Jevil can is spring his head of his shoulders, but he can remove his head at time. Though he still has to practice this abilities. While the most magical, he isn't too bright. J.K. would often have to drag him away from dangerous stunts or fix up cuts and brusies his little brother would get from his skills. Ace is somewhat protective of his two older brothers though. After the attack J.K. received and the constant bullying that effects Buttons, he usually threatens anyone who tries anything with a cheery voice and red eyes- "OH! You want to punch my brother? Go ahead! Though I won't gaurentee your mother will have anything to bury afterwards! Did you like the show btw?" Like Buttons, Ace wants to become the new jester to the kings when he gets older when his dads retire. You'll often find the two practicing their magic tricks together with Seam and Jevil's help. Since he's part cat like Buttons, the two can often be found lying around, purring, or chasing after a light. But unlike Seam and Buttons, Ace isn't effected by catnip. In fact he down right hates the stuff. Smells weird. Though ace is part cat, he has no cotton or stitches in his system. Like Buttons, the stitches and patches on his body are birthmarks inherited from Seam. He can overheat easily if he's not careful with the heavy fur around his neck and on his tail. His joker hate has two cat ears which is held up from the inside by his horns. He also has an obsession with bells he proudly wears like. J.K., the ones he wears all the time he received as a gift from Pearlie. Relationships: Jevil: Dad to him and his siblings, Jevil encourages Ace's dreams of becoming the next Jester and often helps Buttons and him practice. Though he has a bad habit of also enabling Ace's more destructive habits as well, which lead to some problems Rouxls had to pull strings to get them out of. Though the two get along well, Jevil has a nasty habit of being too overprotective for obvious reasons.  Seam: Pops and The only sane one in their family, the old cat often has to be the voice of reason between fight his siblings or other parents would have and if need be, have to physically pull them apart and use magic to keep them apart. Ace sometimes doesn't understand how he's able to keep up with him despite his old age or why he rather not help with his magic training, but it's nice to have one voice of reason around the house of drama and chaos. Rouxls: Like his two brothers, he refers to Rouxls as his Mother and calls him Mom. Rouxls is used to his fate of being a 'mom' to these kids now but still sighs whenever he's called that. Ace received Rouxls last name despite not being blood related to help him blend into the family together. Ace loves his mama very much but is very confused on why D.J. calls his ma Lesser Grandpa and King Lancer calls him Lesser Dad? Buttons: He's closer to Buttons slightly than J.K. because of how much they train together and want to work together, but Buttons can be...A little too serious and is prone to anxiety or panic attacks easily in big public gatherings. So he has to often act like his lifeline when they performed for the kings or if someone decides to test their patience with them. He wishes he'd lighten up a little more. J.K.: To be honest he envies his oldest bro in a way. He's got full control of his limited magical abilities and is always having a ball. But he also doesn't appreciate how much he puts himself through for them. It's not like he's weak or anything. But he is a ball to be with. Just the right mix of him and buttons. But he doesn't get why he doesn't like his name? King Lancer: There's not much to say about the king except that he's the best and most fun king to work for! He's always encouraging and laughing at the shows he puts on and very understanding of mistakes. He's very fond of Splat noises for some reason.  D.J./Khristy/Azzy/Merry: He adores the young royals! He spends hours playing with them and putting on shows for them. He loves watching their amazement at his magic and strange habits. He is very confused on why D.J. calls his mother Lesser Grandpa though. Kris/Susie/Noelle/Ralsei: He's aquianted with the neighbor royals of the next kingdom over but doesn't really know much about them other than them being the heroes that saved their world way back then and the parents of the Royal siblings. Though Queen Susie can be quite intimidating when she wants to be. Pearlie: Ace thinks Pearlie's a pretty chill gal to be honest. The way she can mold things to create stuff is pretty cool. Like how she made J.K.'s bells, and the jewelry she sells at her stand. In a way, she's like a big sister to him. In fact, Pearlie was the one to made his bell earrings and necklace one Christmas after she found out how much he loved their sounds. He jokingly like to call her Sister from another mother. Ace sees the way J.K. looks at Pearlie at times and is pretty sure he has a thing for her.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #459

Top Ten Christmas Elves

It’s the last one of these before Christmas! And yet Christmas is still ages away really! Maybe I should have done the Christmas one next week! That’d be Boxing Day! Is that more Christmassy! Who knows! Woohoo!

Ahem.

Right, every year I try to do one of these that’s something about Christmas because, well, Christmas. Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. Just once I’d like a regular normal Christmas. Eggnog, a chuffin’ Christmas tree, a little turkey. But I’ve got to right these mother flippin’ lists all the time. And the more of them I do, the more I use up all the easy lists! Three years from now, what on Earth can I find to tie into Christmas? I’ll be ranking the Christmas specials of The Vicar of Dibley.

(That’s not a slam on Dibley, by the way, which is obviously in a particular style but can be devastatingly funny, and the recent specials have been quite moving, touching on the death of Emma Chambers. Anyway, there’s a Dibley Digression for you.)

Anyway, here’s another one that you kinda thought I’d have already done, and one that you’d kinda think would be pretty easy: best Christmas elves. Except when I sat down to write, it transpired that although there are a lot of Christmas movies, and a lot of movies featuring Santa Claus, elves are comparatively thin on the ground. Especially as I’m talking about real Christmas elves here; so Tony Cox in Bad Santa does not count.

And so, across movies, TV, and literature, and with a hearty “ho ho ho” in our hearts, and with no further ado, here I present my favouritest of favourite festive elves; a veritable cavalcade of Santa’s Little Helpers. Merry Christmas everybody! Be good – and what’s your favourite colour?

Buddy (Will Ferrell, Elf, 2003): I mean, it’s got to be, right? He’s the embodiment of Christmas spirit, he’s kind, he’s attentive, he throws a mean snowball, and he brings down the Elf Choir by a whole octave – in a good way! Elf is slight film, but a really enjoyable feel-good one, and Buddy is just so damn nice. He really is the best elf.

Bryony (Ashley Jensen, Arthur Christmas, 2011): a spikier, fast-talking elf, who seems so much tougher than Buddy (check out her two-tone hair and facial piercings). She’s got no time for any shit, but she is above all else just a top-notch wrapper.

Patch (Dudley Moore, Santa Claus: The Movie, 1985): a nice guy in the Buddy mould, but simultaneously more of a sadsack and more of an egotistical bellend, whose performative strop almost ruins Christmas. I’m being unduly harsh, of course: Patch is a sweetheart; naive and maybe a bit needy, but full of ideas and just wanting to make everything better. Has a sweet car, too.

Bernard (David Krumholtz, The Santa Clause, 1994): another fast talker who takes no guff, Bernard is suitably business-minded, caring only about completing Christmas satisfactorily, and giving little heed to the mental gymnastics poor old Scott Calvin is having to go through now that he’s murdered Santa in a cold-blooded attempt to seize the throne, Lannister-style. At least, I think that’s what happens. Anyway, Bernard is cool and funny, like many Krumholtz characters.

The “Santas” (Rare Exports, 2010): a sinister and slow-burning mystery surrounds the naked old men who show up during an industrial digging expedition in Lapland; is it Santa? But there’s more than one! The truth is shocking and, frankly, hilarious; a superb little pitch black comedy. The naked old men are grimy and gruesome but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

The Elves (The Christmas Chronicles, 2018): coming across almost Gremlin-esque (especially in the sequel), these CG critters are a fun and fresh take on Christmas elves. They’re part Minions, part Mogwai, part Attack of the Clones’ Yoda; leaping about in a dervish to help deliver Christmas.

Wiser Older Elf (David Graham, Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom, 2008-2013): Graham’s Wise Old Elf is one of the best things about Ben and Holly (a show I’ve regrettably not had cause to talk about for far too long – it’s awful when kids stop watching the best shows, isn’t it? I really miss this and Hey Duggee being on all the time in our house); giving him an older (twin!) brother who has the more “important” Elf job of running Santa’s workshop is suitably hilarious.

Ian and Wolf (Dan Starkey and Nathan McMullen, Doctor Who “Last Christmas”, 2014): they’re supporting characters – barely more than cameos, really – in a one-off Christmas special of Doctor Who; their very existence is all wibbly-wobbly. But they’re delightful fun, especially when they sarcastically chide Clara for not believing in Santa. And while we’re at it, Moffat’s writing of Santa in this episode is exemplary, one of the finest screen Santas.

The Forest Spirits (Klaus, Grant Morrison and Dan Mora, 2015): another excellent and rather post-modern take on Santa and Elves. In this comic, Klaus is betrayed and left for dead, but saved by mystical and mysterious “spirits of the forest” who may or may not be aliens. They grant him strange powers and eternal life, in a way that marries Christmas folklore with superhero mythology. It’s another intriguing idea from Morrison.

The North Polar Bear (The Father Christmas Letters, J.R.R. Tolkien, 1976): what? He’s not an elf! He’s a bear! But Tolkien’s accounts of Father Christmas’ life at the North Pole are rather interesting in that there’s not really a great deal of elfishness about them. Various clans of elves do crop up – especially during the wars with the goblins or if there’s a party, which feels typical of Tolkien Elves – but really for the most part the role of “elf” (as in “Santa’s Little Helper”) is given to the North Polar Bear Karhu. Intensely helpful and good-natured, but also incredibly clumsy and thin-skinned, he’s probably responsible for more chaos than anything else, but he’s sweet and adorable and the friendship between him and Father Christmas is genuine. He’s a truly terrific character, and although he’s not technically an elf, I think we can afford him honorary elf-hood for the purposes of this list.