#Missed Miscarriage Video

[icelynodette]

Missed Miscarriage 2023

[wearenotjustnumbers2]

On this year women's day, all we could think about are Palestinian women in Gaza.

Nearly 9,000 women have been killed in Israeli attacks in five months. Another 2,100 are missing and presumed dead, while 23,000 have been wounded and over half a million are displaced.

“Palestinian women, especially in the Gaza Strip, are exposed to the worst humanitarian catastrophe,” Ashraf al-Qudra, the health ministry’s spokesperson, said on Thursday.

Dozens of women and girls have also been detained and face harsh conditions in Israeli custody, including sexual abuse.

Women in Gaza also struggle to find menstruation products and access the necessary pregnancy and post-natal care. The consequences on reproductive health, including a rise in stress-induced miscarriages, stillbirths and premature births, have increased significantly.

Women in labour are undergoing caesarean procedures without anaesthetics, and a shortage of post-operative care such as medication, antibiotics and pain relief further exacerbates the situation.

According to the health ministry, 5,000 women give birth monthly in Gaza under “harsh, unsafe and unhealthy” conditions caused by Israeli bombing and displacement.

There are 60,000 pregnant women in Gaza suffering from “malnutrition, dehydration and lack of medical care.

There have also been repeated cases of Israeli soldiers mocking Palestinian women by posting videos and pictures of themselves rummaging through personal belongings in Gaza homes, making derogatory comments and posing with women’s underwear.

[wangxianficfinder]

I'm in the mood for...

Feb 3rd

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1. Hello! For the next itmf if like to request fics where karma comes back to bite people who've been mean to WWX. Particularly anything where Madam Yu gets what she deserves for being so horrible!

Thank you for all you do!! @greywake

Waiting for Spring by thievinghippo (E, 130k, WangXian, Modern AU, MLB AU, Baseball AU, Mutual Pining, Pining while fucking, slight angst, Happy Ending)

🧡🔒Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 151k, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX , caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war, WIP)

🧡 All will be well when the day is done by abCEE (T, 76k, wangxian, time travel, canon divergence, fix it, not YZY friendly, not Jiang friendly, butterfly effect, no sunshot, madam lan lives, lan WWX)

Trials and Tribulations by TriviasFolly (M, 39k, wangxian, Modern, A/B/O, Emotional Hurt, Hurt, Abuse, Physical Abuse, Mental Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, hurt/tiny comfort, abusive YZY, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, experimental drug trial, Drug Trial, Bonding, Heats, flirting with the ooc line, Wangxian Get a Happy Ending, Miscarriage, Mpreg)

Starlight by KouriArashi (T, 38k, wangxian, Stardust Fusion, Action/Adventure, Developing Relationship, Mutual Pining, Murder, Ghosts, Magic, Child Abuse)

🔒If Wishes Were Donkeys by NightOwl1 (M, 101k, WIP, WangXian, SVSSS, Time Travel Fix-It, Case Fic, Mpreg, Fluff and Humor, Dysfunctional Jiāng Family, Bad Parent YZY, WangXian Get a Happy Ending,   Period-Typical Homophobia, Crossdressing, LWJ and WWX Have a Breeding Kink, It’s All The System’s Fault, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Warning: JGS, Good Uncle LQR, LWJ and WWX Are LSZ’s Parents, Inappropriate Humor, Family Feels) for that epic YZY comeuppance 🤣

~*~

2. heyyy thanks for all your hard work! do you guys have any favourites or recommendations on wangxian from the cloud recesses arch?

you think you know something you don’t by nu_breed (E, 12k, wangxian, Masturbation, Semi-Public Sex, LWJ Loves Rabbits, First Time, Pining, First Time Blow Jobs, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Missing Scenes, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Canon Divergence)

Secrets by handwritten (onefromanotherworld) (G, 1k, WangXian, Fluff, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Getting Together, Smitten LWJ, Smitten WWX, courting gifts)

🔒 The Taste Of Cherry by chiyukimei (E, 6k, wangxian, WWX feels angry because he’s not being ravished, Cloud Recesses, Cherry Magic AU, Not JC Friendly, Lots of kissing, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Soft LQR)

when you love somebody, bite your tongue by sophiahelix (E, 17k, wangxian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, First Time, Just the Tip, Only One Bed, Horny Teenagers, Slight Canon Divergence, Sharing a Bed, horny teen LWJ and his confused and furious yearnings, LXC matchmakes but he probably didn’t intend all this, Fantasizing, Size Kink)

Certain foolish perfect hours by danegen (E, 39k, wangxian, underage, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Canon Divergence, POV LWJ, Fluff, the yin iron plot stuff is actually still happening, but LXC is hiding the plot in his qiankun sleeves, Switching, LWJ is a good boy who deserves to have silly dates with his manic pixie boyfriend)

Losing My Mind by pupeez4eva (T, 6k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Humor, Protective JC, JC drinks a potion that lets him hear people's lustful thoughts, Teenage LWJ has a lot of feelings, Canon Divergence, Takes place when they are studying in Gusu)

Three changes. by orange_crushed (M, 18k, wangxian, fluff, hijinks & shenanigans, cloud recesses shenanigans, no war au, everyone lives au, romantic comedy, fade to black, friends to lovers, falling in love, harm to animals, non-graphic violence, sparring, developing friendships, hurt/comfort, first time)

🔒 The Hermit Agenda by wereworm (G, 11k, wangxian, LY & BSSR... lesbians, WWX aspires to be like them, also WWX calls BSSR his grandma bc it's not quite as funny otherwise, Humor, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Getting Together, WWX is dtpjz (down to punch jin zixuan))

The Golden Cutsleeve by syrus_jones (E, 77k, WangXian, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Aged-Up Character(s), WWX POV, WWX is a gremlin, Internally Screaming LWJ, No Sunshot Campaign, First Times, Accidental Sex, Masturbation, PWP, Porn with Feelings, WWX experimenting with things he shouldn't like always, Happy Ending, Porn With Plot)

~*~

3. Hi, I and a friend are In The Mood For fics where a.) Nie Huaisang uses war fans. I'll also take b.) competent Nie Huaisang where he gets to show that while he's not a terror on the battlefield like his dage he's not someone you want to mess with when he decides to get serious.

3A)

shades of grey spill from my veins (bleeding ink all over the page) by Reverie (cl410) (M, 58k, NMJ/LXC, wangxian, NHS/WN, POV NMJ, Canon Divergence, Joining the "Wei Wuxian raised by the Nie Sect" Club, Mentions of WWX's life on the streets, Hurt/Comfort, Accidental Sibling Acquisition, Single Dad NMJ, NHS & WWX Friendship, Fluff, Humor, Happy Ending, Everyone Lives AU, Protective NMJ, Sunshot Campaign, Some angst, Blood and Injury, Kidnapping, Protective Siblings, Found Family) also might fit 3B

The Trials and Tribulations of Growing Up Series by ArgentInferno (T, 175k, WangXian, NHS & WWX, Canon Divergence, Falling In Love, Fluff, Growing Up, Teenagers being awkward teenagers, gender feels, Trans LWJ, Trans Male Character, Nonbinary NHS, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Experimental talismans cause trouble, Accidental Teleportation, Coming Out, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Magical Bond) It’s pretty slow burn but NHS is coprotagonist and it’s basically him coming to terms with his own strength and identity

3B)

the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, WangXian, JYL/WQ, QS & JYL, Canon Divergence, Sacrifice Summon, only the summoner sticks around, slightly dark JYL, WQ lives, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Mild Sexual Content, Switch Wangxian, WWX has to be resurrected & LWJ find out before they can interact, but there's plenty of wangxian once they do, manipulative relationship) NHS is a secondary character but he works closely with the protags and is a formidable conspirator

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4. Hello! For the next itmf can you rec some childhood friends/growing up together fics? I’m okay with any AU except a/b/o Thxxxx

down by the water by astrolesbian (E, 60k, WangXian, Slow Burn, Modern AU, Friends to Lovers, Surfer LWJ, Surfer WWX, Loneliness, complicated family relationships, mention of drowning, but no actual drowning is described, fluff and smut and angst, Reconciliation)

When we were small by deliciousblizzardshark (T, 7k, LXC & LQR & LWJ, Implied WangXian, Modern AU, Kid Fic, Good Uncle LQR, Neurodivergent LWJ, Baby LWJ, Baby WWX, Parenthood, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, POV LQR, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort)

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5. Hii Are there any fics where lwj actually finds wwx 's body after he dies? @karinasnowwwx

kintsugi | 金継ぎ| a transmutation by DrPanda99 (E, 1k, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, major character death, Canon Divergence, dead bodies, evil spirits, Insanity, Unhappy Ending, Cannibalism, Explicit Gore, Dark LWJ, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds, LWJ Whump, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Grief/Mourning, Body Horror) Mind the tags

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6. Do you know of any fics that feature LWJ dealing with disability or chronic pain after the discipline? Tysm for your time.

🔒 the map of days by everythingispoetry (M, 20k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Permanent Injury, Recovery, Disability, Parenthood, Character Study, Thirteen Years of WWX’s Death)

Everything That Could Have Been by QueenXIV (T, 18k, wangxian, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Disabled Character, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt, Canon Divergence, Guilt, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain)

恩仇仙人- Enchou xianren (Immortal Avenger) by AshayaTReldai (E, 163k, WIP, WangXian, Angst, Mental Anguish, Pining, Revenge, Execution, internalinter-clan politics, Reincarnation, TGCF notions of ascension and deity, WWX/LWJ marriage, First Time, Post-LWJ whipping, Injury Recovery, Issues of justice, Torture, Not friendly to the Clans - they all get their comeuppance, Hurt/Comfort, Dark LWJ, novel compliant characterisation)

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7. Are there any time loop fics where Lan Wangji *specifically* seeks to have sex with Wei Wuxian? Before and/or after they are in a relationship. @any-mouse

~*~

8. Hello!!!

For the next ITMF,

Any fic where JYL claims WWX as her kid? If possible adoption.

Thanks a lot for your work!

The Teapot Plot by ToxicAngel13 (M, 52k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, Misunderstandings, Plots, protective Jiang siblings, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Idiots in Love, Damn Jins, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Pre-Burial Mounds, Potential for M-Preg, Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Idiots Everywhere, LWJ 's Biting Kink, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Protective LWJ, Protective WQ, JGS is his own warning, Protective JYL) JYL see WWX as her son but it’s not official

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9. This is a INTMF ask. I'm looking for fics that have both WWX and LWJ able to be a happy family and raise Lan Shizui together. I don't want any dark stories and I would really prefer light angst/cannon angst if there has to be angst. Just to be clear though I'm looking for fics that focus on domestic wangxian with baby Shizui. IDK if a fic like this exists and idk how to search for it. But I viscerally want to read it and I don't have the chops to write it. <3 @omgnectarina

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental baby acquisition, Kid fic, Green card marriage (but not really), Slow Burn, Endless Pining, Happy ending, [Podfic of] The Simplest Way Forward by knight_tracer)

🔒 Meet-Tired by SimpleSoupsandAppleTarts (T, 1.5M, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, Single parent WWX, Meet-Tired, Fluff, Getting together, Slice of Life)

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10. hii, this is for itmf I have 2 requests

A) marriage of convenience/ fake marriage in the modern era

B) I think I sent this before but accidentally categorized it as fic finder I'm sorry. mpreg fics in which they don't know the other is the father! / fics where one of them gets pregnant, and other doesn't know that they're the father. both pregxian and pregji r good

10A)

With No Particular Affection by Chrononautical (E, 92k, wangxian, Arranged Marriage, Modern, Kid Fic, Miscommunication, Family Drama, JFM & YZY's A+ Parenting, Canon typical consent during sex, canon typical violence revamped for a modern setting, canon typical behavior from villains and honestly I toned it down a lot, Good Uncle JC, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Night, Genius WWX, Street Kid WWX, Homelessness, Rich LWJ, Oblivious WWX, LWJ's canon typical communication skills, Cinnamon Roll WN, Implied/Referenced Suicide, WWX Has a Pregnancy Kink, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, Curtain Fic, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst)

A Marriage Story by DeviyudeThoolika (E, 38k, wangxian, NMJ/LXC, married wangxian, but there are some complications, because it’s marriage, Sex is complicated, Angst and Pining, Pining while fucking, Mature elements, Mutual Pining, HEA, Arranged Marriage, Sort Of, Misunderstandings, of epic proportions, One True Pairing, Good Sibling JC, Good Parent YZY, Fluff and Angst, in that order, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Loves WWX, Angst and Hurt/Comfort)

10B)

I have loved you for so long (even when I could only do you wrong) by h0peless_oblivion (E, 22k, wangxian, Modern, A/B/O, Mpreg, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Unplanned Pregnancy, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication, but its cleared up fairly quickly, Reconciliation, Good Uncle LQR, YZY is good, Unspecified Setting, Misunderstandings, Mating Bites, Pregnant WWX, A-Yuan is Wangxian's son, Eventual Smut, Knotting, Mating, Wangxian's canon breeding kink) looks like a WIP, but the end chapters are bonus scenes and the main story is complete

Impermanence, Transience, Permanence by Best Bepsy (BepsyGray) (E, 39k, wangxian, canon divergence, unplanned pregnancy, mpreg, gore, sunshot campaign, assumed miscarriage, medical procedures, childbirth, golden core reveal)

On The Way Home by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 59k, wangxian, Modern, Mpreg, Non-a/b/o mpreg, Unprotected Sex, Unexpected Pregnancy, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Pining while fucking)

🔒 Per aspera ad astra by Sanguis (E, 17k, wangxian, Fantasy, Implied Mpreg, Science Fiction/Fantasy, Space Opera, Secret Marriage, Kidnapping, Explicit Sex, Sexual Frustration, Dubious Anatomy, Male Lactation)

A Joy That’s Hard to Find by airinshaw (E, 26k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Mpreg, Misunderstandings, Minor Angst, Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, Kissing)

Family Pictures (Or: “Mark Rothko is very, very dead, Wei Ying.”) by belleweather (M, 37k, WangXian, Kid Fic, Post Mpreg, Modern AU, Cindarella Story, Mistaken Identity, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, art conservator lwj, idiot WWX, (he gets better slowly), shockingly little actual sex omg what happened to me, fake/mistaken cheating, no actual infidelity)

Blooming in white by luckymoonly (T, 38k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, MM/WQ, NMJ/LXC, NHS/JC, Canon Divergence, Mpreg, Getting Together, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, hidden pregnancy, Mutual Pining, Drama, Misunderstandings, Everyone Lives AU, Miscommunication, WWX and NHS are BFF, matchmaker NHS, Fix-It)

Little fall of rain by luckymoonly (M, 10k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, WWX didn't know he was pregnant, Mpreg, Mention of Birth, Family Feels, Nielan himbo rights, soft LQR, Misunderstandings, jealous LWJ, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Smut, Breastfeeding, Thirsty Granny Wen, JGS being his usual self)

Lan Sizhui's forehead ribbon by I_have_a_fleet_of_ships (T, 1k, wangxian, WWX & LSZ, Married Wangxian, Established wangxian, LWJ & WWX Are LSZ's Parents, WWX is LSZ's Parent, Oblivious LWJ, Gūsū Lán Forehead Ribbon, Good Uncle LQR, Fluff, Light Angst, Post Mpreg, Post-Canon)

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11. Hey for the next imtf I'd like to request the following

A) BDSM AUs were WY safewords in the middle of wangxian's play. LZ realises how far he has gone and is (preferably) shocked. Other reactions from LZ are also fine.

B) fics where FTM WY or LZ deals with having menstrual periods, how he navigates his emotions, how he copes with it etc. I'd be really thankful if you can find fics like this. I prefer wangxian fics but if there are fics like this for other pairings those are also welcome. @imstillthinkingaboutithmm

11A)

🔒 oh, these are real things by typefortydeductions (E, 15k, wangxian, Modern, The Porn Is the Plot, Kink Negotiation, Under-negotiated Kink, Safewording, Light BDSM, Dom/sub, Fisting, Sex Crying, lil bit of gender stuff, Panic Attacks, Top Drop) lwj isn't shocked, it's a bit of a softer scene

11B)

The Housewife's Guide to Causing Chaos by dvasva (M, 127k, wangxian, QS & WWX, NHS & WWX, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, WIP, Canon-Typical Violence, Functionally Trans Character, Mild Sexual Content, Domestic Fluff, Love Confessions, Transphobia, Good Parents LWJ & WWX, Pining, WWX is a Tease, Grief/Mourning, Body Dysphoria, Fake Marriage, Canonical Character Death, Misunderstandings, Doting LWJ, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, lying to your family about your demonic boyfriend taking over your wifes body for fun and pleasure, WWX is not in MXY's body, Misgendering, Mild Angst, Assumptions, Comedic Elements, non-sexual nudity, Blood, Discussion of Various Bodily Functions, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, 4 years of mourning instead of 13, The Juniors start a conspiracy board, Méishān Yú Sect, POV Multiple, Corporal Punishment, Trans WWX, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, pregnancy mention, Warning: Jīn Guāngshàn, Sexual Harassment, Threats) This might work? Instead of Mo Xuanyu, a woman sacrifices her body for wwx, and he has to adapt to having a female body, including menstruation

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12. Hi mods! I was wondering if there is a post canon fic about Lan Sizhui unpacking the trauma of being the last living member of his family. Maybe with him talking to Wen Ning about what happened during the blood pool scene? Thank you in advance @rubberduckieassassin

this blood in my mouth by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 3k, WangXian, LSZ & WWX & LWJ, Post-Canon, POV LXC)

The Past Is An Avalanche Beneath Your Feet by John_lzhc (T, 6k, LSZ & WWX, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Families of Choice, PTSD, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, best boy LSZ, Hopeful Ending, canon typical references to genocide)

~*~

13. Hi! Tus is for ITMF. I want canon diverge where wwx didnt die. I dont know how to explain it. Like instead going to burial mound he and wen remnants goes somewhere. Or he and wen remnants secluded themself in burial mound. Or wwx rescued wen remnants in quiet manner. Or he goes to gusu with lwj. And all those choice didnt result him died for 13/16 years. I accept anything including he run away with a-yuan after wen remnants dies. Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

❤️ kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst, [Podfic] kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by contributor-sky (deepestbluesky), esbielle was also here (esbielle), glittercracker, GodOfLaundryBaskets, jellyfishfire, kisahawklin, Koontyme, Rionaa, semperfiona))

wide enough and wild by impossibletruths (E, 64k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Canonical Accidental Baby Acquisition, Families of Choice, References to Depression, Happy Ending, I Swear To God I’m Giving Them A Happy Ending, Overzealous Use Of Imagery, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Well Except WN But He Was Already Dead So, Fix-It of Sorts, podfic by semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona))

Just as the Snow Melts by draechaeli (T, 66k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, SL/XXC, Everybody Lives AU, Canon Divergence)

To Mourn the Young Man by Iamnotawriter (T, 57k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, BAMF WWX, Most people live, but not the bad guys, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal)

we’re starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 92k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Golden Core Reveal, Burial Mounds, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Starvation, emaciation, Cannibalism, Self-Harm, Amputation, Suicidal Thoughts, Sunshot Campaign, let JZX and WWX be friends club) if time-travel is okay

Unbreakable Heaven, Luminous Earth by carolyncaves (M, 96k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Secret Identity, almost to the point of uncomfortable identity theft, Sharing a Bed, Literal Sleeping Together, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, Suicidal Thoughts, Blood and Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Caretaking, Sexual Content, Domestic Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Power Imbalancemainly between WWX and JGY in an entirely nonsexual manner, this isn't really a kid fic but the kids are there, as are some yunmeng sibling feelings, JYL lives, Not Everyone Dies AU, some COVID parallels, this is not a quarantine fic, but thematically WWX deals w things like face-covering for safety and loss of control, also assume all canon warnings, this AU is gentler than canon but isn't a complete fix-it)

Can almost hold the shape by Rookseeksraven (E, 81k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Post-Bloodbath of Nightless City, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Golden Core Reveal, Grief/Mourning, Blood and Injury, Major Character Injury, Kidnapping, Rescue, Canonical grief stricken JC, No JC & WWX Reconciliation, Dubious Consent, Dual Cultivation, LWJ Has a Biting Kink, Rimming, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Getting Together, Alcohol, YLLZ WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Talismans and Arrays, Fuck Or Die, kind of, Rape/Non-con Elements, The resentful energy cannot technically consent for WWX)

~*~

14. Hello! I'm in the mood for explorations of bad Lan Xichen, or Lan Xichen bashing. It's common to see JC bashing, but really, poor old JC was screwed by his family and lied to, I'd be enraged too. But how could LXC be THAT stupid? What happened to trust but verify? He's either truly truly stupid, or completely complicit. Maybe he loved being JGY's special one so much? I dunno. But no-one is that stupid. And the Lan sect has so much to answer for, with its cruelty and hypocrisy (they were at Qiongqi path as guards) (what, they didn't report to their sect leader? Really?). I understand angry old fart LQR a lot better, he doesn't care about anything but the sect and has no connections outside the sect, I can forgive him. But LXC just ignores his other sworn brother and his own little brother far too much. He is equal to if not more of a villain than JGY, who's just fighting for a place in an unjust world. LXC had that place and does not uphold the responsibility it gives him. Eat the rich, man, they suck. Why, yes I DO feel passionately about this, why do you ask? @lurkdot

break by justdoityoufucker (T, 3k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, LXC Critical, JC Critical, Canonical Character Death, Guānyīn Temple Scene, BAMF WN, Protective WN)

🔒 Bitter Recompense by mondengel (M, 1k, LXC & LWJ, Angst)

aftereffect by justdoityoufucker (orphan_account) (T, 3k, wangxian, LXC & LQR & LWJ, LXC & LWJ, Canon Divergence, Post-Canon, Cultivation Sect Politics, LXC Critical, Gūsū Lán Sect, JGY Survives, (and then dies))

🔒 Wasting Time, Asking Why by mondengel (Not rated, 1k, LXC & LWJ, LXC & JGY, wangxian, Angst, Character Study)

🔒 Ready for Blood on the Ground by mondengel (T, 1k, gen)

🔒💖 When has silence saved anyone? by Vrishchika (T, 6k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX & LWJ, post-canon, LXC critical, family feels, angry LWJ & LSZ, LXC gets scolded)

🔒 I Will Find You Again by Hidenka_chan101 (M, 19k, wangxian, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LJY, Mentions of Death, Angst, Crying, LWJ is a Petty Bitch, Typical LQR, Unsupportive LXC, Gūsū Lán Juniors Dynamics, Canon Divergence, WangXian get their happy ending, Fever, Tender loving care, some smut, WN gets to flex his healer knowledge, Hurt/Comfort)

🔒 To Reveal The Truth by HeloSoph (M, 11k, LWJ & NHS, LWJ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ & WWX, SL/XXC, wangxian, Sad LWJ, Hurt LWj, Rogue Cultivator LWJ, Hurt LXC, Cultivation world Bashing, LQR Bashing, Scheming NHS, Pining LWJ, SL/XXC Get a Happy Ending, SL/XXC Adopt Ā-Qìng, Truth is revealed, Suicide, LWJ Has Feelings, LWJ wants to die until he doesn't want to anymore, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Sassy LWJ, Petty LWJ, Angst and Feels, Hopeful Ending, LWJ is a Little Shit, POV LWJ, JC Bashing, NMJ Bashing, Not Everyone Dies AU, Suicide Attempt, Implied/Referenced Suicide)

they might want to check out the gusu lan bashing tag on ao3

Search lan xichen critical tag on ao3

do they want LXC bashing in canon only, or in modern AUs

恩仇仙人- Enchou xianren (Immortal Avenger) by AshayaTReldai (E, 163k, WIP, WangXian, Angst, Mental Anguish, Pining, Revenge, Execution, internalinter-clan politics, Reincarnation, TGCF notions of ascension and deity, WWX/LWJ marriage, First Time, Post-LWJ whipping, Injury Recovery, Issues of justice, Torture, Not friendly to the Clans - they all get their comeuppance, Hurt/Comfort, Dark LWJ, novel compliant characterisation) link in #6

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15. Hi! I’m in the mood for jealous wangxian! I love all the jealousy fics but is there one where lwj secretly seeks help in order to court/confess to wwx and ofc wwx thinks lwj is in love with someone else? Canon setting or modern, married, roommates.. anything is fine! I’ve read a bunch but I’ll read them again! @starfishderby

~*~

16. IITMF Ask, I'm in the mood for good fics focused on Wangxian or Wangxian + duckling juniors night hunting. It doesn't have to be all that they do, but I'd like for it to be a large focus of the fic. I feel like I've seen one where they had multiple night hunts as a focus in the fic, but I don't think I actually ended up reading it so idk more about it, but recs where they do multiple hunts would be fun too.

爱不释手; never let me go by yiqie (E, 68k, wangxian, Case Fic, Blood and Injury, Demons, Body Horror, Mystery, The intrinsic horniness of wound tending, Yearning 2: The Electric Boogaloo, podfic by argentumlupine)

build me no shrines by occultings (microcomets) (M, 54k, wangxian, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, First Time, Getting Together, Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Hair Washing, Sentient Burial Mounds, Case Fic, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Light Angst, Flashbacks, mild body horror, foot washing, Happy Ending, Non-Sexual Intimacy..., then sexual intimacy, playing fast and loose with mdzs lore, WWX learning to accept intimacy without deflection, occasional LWJ humor agenda, Podfic by flamingwell Available)

~*~

17. fics where lan wangji turns into a child and wwx and everyone has to take care of him!!

Tiny Little Boy by Dyapaya (G, 2k, hints of wangxian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Kid Fic, Cute, Fluff, LWJ bites people, Everyone Lives AU)

A Child's Wish by Hauntcats (Not rated, 13k, wangxian, WWX & Wen remnants, Celestial meddling, Not JC Friendly, Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone gets what they deserve, Age Regression/De-Aging, Child LWJ)

Before the Morning Sun by Vamillepudding (G, 12k, wangxian, JC & LWJ, post-canon, de-aging, protective JC, light angst, implied/referenced child abuse, kid LWJ)

🔒 A new found family by MusicMe_tc (G, 12k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Teenage Wangxian, Cursed LWJ, Soft LQR, Supportive LXC, Fluff, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Getting Together, Happy Ending)

A Little Happiness by Suspicious_Popsicle (M, 20k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Age Regression/De-Aging, if you’re looking at that last tag + the rating don’t worry, the rating is only for the very end)

i carry your heart with me by lulu_kitty (G, 12k, WangXian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Established Relationship, Post-Canon, Fluff and Angst, some knives but honestly this is mostly fluff, possessive littol a-zhan, wei ying may ONLY give attention to a-zhan, no one else it’s the rule)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[writeandsurvive]

I'm sorry for this, it's not good. But somehow, I managed to get something done, so I gotta share. Kinda inspired by NCIS S21E08 'Heartless'.

Warnings: age gap, married couple, established relationship, talks of miscarriage, giving birth, jealousy, womanizer!Alden, daddy!Alden, very slight smut

Mine ~ Alden Parker

When you started to date Alden Parker, as he was still an FBI agent, you never considered becoming friends with his coworkers. Especially, after meeting a few of them he would consider his friends and they turned out to be judgmental towards the age gap in your relationship. Not that you wanted to befriend his coworkers anyways, you just agreed to meet them cause he asked. 

However, it changed when Alden joined NCIS. He immediately started to tell you about his new team, and you could he was fond of them all, including his boss - which was extremely surprising since he never got along with his FBI boss, Sweeney. You quickly knew it would be different this time. It did take him a while before introducing you to them, but once it happened, you all hit it off. The guys were quite impressed with Alden wedlocking a woman fairly younger than him, while the girls, even though they wouldn't go for someone older, they agreed that Alden Parker had a little something. "It's the freaking hair!" Jess joked. 

Before you knew it, this new team felt like family. You'd all hang out together - dinners, games night - and sometimes you'd have girls night with Jess and Kasie. You even babysit McGee's twins and/or Victoria a few times. Which, as much as you loved it, did hurt a little since it would remind you of the struggles you and Alden had been having to have a baby. Between not getting pregnant for months and the miscarriages, you had started to think that it wouldn't happen the natural way for you. Also, Alden really felt like he was getting too old to have a kid, no matter how badly he wanted one with you. 

When you reached your third trimester, Alden felt pretty confident that this time everything was going to be alright while you couldn't shut that little voice in your head saying that something bad would happen like the other times. But finally, the nurse put your crying new born in your arms, and everything felt right. "You did so good, my love." Alden cried, kissing your forehead and looking down at his son. "Our miracle baby. He's perfect." 

You didn't want the nurse to take him away from you but you knew they needed to check him up and clean him. "Do you guys have a name for this little guy?" Another nurse asked. You and Alden looked at each other for a second. "Axel Roman Parker." He said, proudly. 

Obviously, the team was in the waiting room. Alden had been at work when you called him to tell him that your water broke. Nick had been the one driving to the hospital, "Torres, I'd like to meet my son before I die, thank you very much!" Alden shouted, holding onto the handle above the window. 

"Don't worry, dad." Nick grinned. 

Your husband went to see them to let them know that mom and baby boy were alright. "Is it okay if you guys only meet him in a few days?" 

"Of course, no rush!"

"Send us pictures though! Please?" 

Alden didn't want to go back to work after his paternity leave. He didn't want to leave his little family. The night before his first day back, he actually felt depressed. "He's changing so much so fast, I'm gonna miss so much." He sadly said, stroking his son's back, who was peaceful sleeping on daddy's chest. 

"I'll take as many pics and videos I can." You kissed your husband's cheek. "And Vance said you don't have to put many hours like you usually do." 

"I know, but still." 

You noticed the tears forming in his eyes and it broke your heart a little. You didn't want him to go back to work either. You wish he could push his leave a little more, but he had pushed it as much as possible already - director Vance had been amazing and made it easy. You wrapped your arm around Alden's neck, carefully so you wouldn't wake up Axel. He nuzzled your neck as you gently stroked his hair. "He loves you and perfectly knows who daddy is. It won't change in a few hours, I promise." 

"I honestly thought it would never happen for me, you know? Before you and then the issues we had, I thought-- I just wasn't meant to be a dad. But now he's here, and I just don't want to be away from him."

"Aw, baby." You cried with him. "I wish there was a way for you to stay." 

The next day, Alden arrived late at work as he struggled to let go of Axel. Jimmy and Tim, who knew how it felt, were very helpful throughout the following week. 

It took you months to separate from Axel, just for a few hours. And even more time to go out for a girls night while Alden had a boys night with his little man. 

"I almost forgot how champagne tasted." You smiled, having your first drink in over a year. 

"Good thing we took a whole bottle then!" 

The conversation between you, Jess, Kasie and Delilah went on as it usually does when you four get together. Jess talked about her relationship with Jimmy, and her dad. Kasie confessed about her new crush - you and the girls immediately hyped her. Delilah talked about her job, and the twins newest obsessions. And you obviously talked about Axel and your husband. 

"By the way, how's Alden's neck?" Jess asked. 

"Perfect! Did Nick really fix him with a bear hug?" 

"He did! It was pretty funny!" Jess laughed, remembering the scene from a couple of days ago. "Doctor Logan probably thought we were crazy." 

"I can't believe that my husband im-so-scared-of-needles-hold-me-hand worked on a heart surgery." You laughed, trying to imagine the scene. 

"Mr I fainted when my wife got her epidural." Kasie teased. 

"In his defense, it's a pretty big needle for this." Delilah said. "Thank god he didn't faint during the surgery though." She joked. 

"Well, if he did, I'm sure Doctor Logan would've enjoyed giving him mouth to mouth." 

You, Kasie and Delilah turned like one person to look at Jessica. "What?" She asked, confused. Then she looked at you. "He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" 

"Um..."

"Jessica Knight."

"The doc clearly developed a crush on him. She practically flirted with him in front of me." 

You let out a deep breath. "Did he flirt back?"

"Not really, he was genuinely confused."

"Did he not learn his lesson with the senator?" Kasie chimed in. 

You finished your drink in one swallow, remembering when he gave you a piece of paper with a number on it. "Whose number is it?"

"A senator." He had said. 

"Alright and what am I supposed to do with it?" 

"You, nothing. But I guess she wanted me to call when she gave it to me." The jerk was smiling while you used to candle flame to burn the paper. 

"I don't care about the 'it's safer for you if people don't know I'm married' crap, I'm gonna glue the wedding band to his damn finger." 

The girls laughed, always enjoying how easily you get jealous when there's a woman around Alden. When you had learned that some women in the office kinda liked your man, you showed up at the NCIS headquarters for the first time and asked for a tour. When his ex wife got involved in a case, you were feeling anxious, even though she knew about you from the beginning, thanks to Alden's parents. The worst actually was when he saw his first love for the first time in over thirty years. He had admitted that it felt very strange, and maybe if he had been single, he'd have pursued something, but he was married to you, and deeply in love with you and he'd be crazy to let you go. It was one of those rare moments when you and Alden were struggling, and fought a little more often. But he never gave you a reason to be jealous or suspicious, it was just a part of your personality. And to be fair, he was such a womanizer, you couldn't help but to think that any other woman would be better than you. 

You got home slightly drunk, which Alden expected. He was happy that you finally let yourself have some fun away from him and Axel. Barely sleeping on the couch, he immediately got up when he heard you come in. "Hey! What are you doing up? Is Axel awake?" You asked, struggling to take your shoes off. Alden kneeled down to help you. 

"He did wake up an hour ago for his bottle but he's fast asleep now." 

"Good, good." You leaned a little and ran your hand through his hair. "I'm so so so so happy you're my baby daddy." 

Chuckling softly, he got back up and wrapped his arms around your waist. "Thank you for choosing me. You made all my dreams come true." You hugged there for a moment, just enjoying each other. "Let's go to bed, baby mama." He started to carry you, grabbing the baby monitor on the way. 

"No sleeping, gimme another baby." He laughed but quickly got cut off as you smashed your mouth on his. He managed to get to the bedroom while you practically assaulting him, holding his face firmly and french kissing him. Of course his body was responding positively. As he put you down on the bed, you dragged him along. He was on top of you and you started to make out. It was long until you felt his erected cock between your legs. You reached for it, forcing your hands under his shorts. "Fuck, baby." He moaned. 

"Yes, fuck me daddy." 

And he did just that. ~

After freshening up in the bathroom, Alden found you in the nursery, looking over Axel. He hugged you from behind. "Do you really want another?" He asked, cautiously. 

"Not necessarily," you admitted. "I mean, if it happens, I'll be very happy but I can't go through the struggles again."

"Okay. We've got him and he's absolutely perfect." You stroked your son's hair one more time before turning around to face your husband. 

"He really is." You grabbed his left hand and stared at it for a moment. "This wedding band stays on, Alden. 24/7." 

"But--" 

"No but. I'm done with women flirting with you cause they assume you're single. You're taken, you're fucking mine. You keep the damn ring on." 

Alden stayed silent for a moment. "Jess told you about Doctor Logan, didn't she?" You only looked at him, arms crossed. "Fine, I won't take off my ring ever again." He reached for your wrists and made you uncrossed your arms as he hated when you strike that pose on purpose. He brought you as close as possible to him. "Are you ever going to accept the fact that you're the love of my life? That I rather be single for the rest of my life than with someone else than you? That losing you and now Axel, would absolutely destroy me?" 

All you could do was kiss him, but he did saw the tears falling down your cheeks.

[ilikereadingthisiswhatilike]

Bucky Barnes/ Winter Soldier

A collection of Bucky x reader stories. None of the stories are mine.

No Smut

Soldats princess @lokislittlemidgardian Summary: After being kidnapped by hydra the winter soldier saves you from fighting. Warnings: Dubious Consent, Kidnaping, Angst Special Tags: Age Play, Fluff,

Make Me Feel Love @darkficsyouneveraskedfor Summary: Your ex finds you. Warnings: Abuse, Miscarriage, Blood

Smut

Ribs @highonmarvel Summary: What’s scarier than dating Bucky? Leaving him. Warnings: Bodily Harm, Abuse, Rape, Angst, Smut Special Tags: Mafia AU, Multichapter

Miss Me @sidepartskinnyjeans Summary: When Bucky has a rare night off, he indulges in his favorited treat. Warnings: Dubious Consent, Kidnaping, Blood, Smut Special Tags: Vampire AU, Rockstar AU, BDSM, Wax Play

Love Like Bruise @targaryenvampireslayer Summary: HYDRA won. You're quietly trying to live your life without facing their wrath. But then years later your given to him. Warnings: Rape, Abuse, BDSM, Angst, Bodily Harm, Smut Special Tags: Multichapter, Dark

My Legacy @buckyscombatboots Summary: An Orc found their one true mate and he wants babies. Warnings: Rape, Kidnaping, Angst, Bodily Harm, Smut Special Tags: Orc AU, Breeding Kink, Size Difference

Bound @boxofbonesfic Summary: Bucky reminds you who you belong to in the club bathroom. Warnings: Rough Sex, Toxic Vibes, Smut Special Tags: Public Sex, Biker AU,

Wanted @jadedvibes Summary: Your relationship with one of your patients takes a shocking and unfortunate turn. Warnings: Rape, Kidnaping, Stalking, Smut Special Tags: Public Sex, Bondage, Dark

If it Were Summer @pellucid-constellations Summary: You met Bucky in Italy—a summer abroad with sweet gelato and even sweeter words. You never thought you’d see him again, and you were right. Because the Bucky at this frat party, the one with the smirk and the wandering eyes, was nothing like the one you knew. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still completely in love with you. Warnings: Minor violence, Alcohol Special Tags: Collage AU, Frat Boy AU

𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐭 @mavsstar Summary: You take the kids to your ex's house while you go on a date Warnings: Smut Special Tags: Family AU, Soft Sex

Coffee. Emergency. Thighs @angrythingstarlight Summary: Bucky uses you while you sleep. Warnings: Smut Special Tags: Soft sex, Somnophilia, Praise Kink,

Everyone Gonna Know @octoberkait Summary: Bucky video tapes you during sex. Warnings: Rape, Blackmail, Smut Special Tags: Voyeurism, Breeding, Size Difference

First And Last @navybrat817 Summary: Bucky decides he wants you. Warnings: Rape, Forced Bond, Smut Special Tags: Omegaverse

Family Man @giorno-plays-piano Summary:  You thought the rumors about orcs wandering the forest in search of human companions were nothing serious. Warnings: Rape, Kidnaping, Smut Special Tags: Orc AU, Breeding Kink, Size Difference

Dangerous Acquaintances @giorno-plays-piano Summary: Wolves are big mean bullies. You know for sure. Warnings: Dubious Consent, Smut, Dark Special Tags: Hybrids, Breeding, Soft-Dom

The Devil’s bride @straywords Summary:20 years ago your parents promised you to a demon... and now the devil has come to collect his prize. Warnings: Kidnaping, Forced Marriage Special Tags: Demon AU

Sleeping Beauty @straywords Summary: Your strange, lonely neighbor awakens something inside you and, in turn, you awaken something inside him too. Warnings: Rape, Smut, Mental Health Special Tags: Somnophilia, Plus Size Reader

Ribs @highonmarvel Summary: What’s scarier than dating Bucky? Leaving him. Warnings: Bodily Harm, Abuse, Rape, Angst, Smut Special Tags: Mafia AU, Multichapter

Miss Me @sidepartskinnyjeans Summary: When Bucky has a rare night off, he indulges in his favorited treat. Warnings: Dubious Consent, Kidnaping, Blood, Smut Special Tags: Vampire AU, Rockstar AU, BDSM, Wax Play

Miss Me @sidepartskinnyjeans Summary: When Bucky has a rare night off, he indulges in his favorited treat. Warnings: Dubious Consent, Kidnaping, Blood, Smut Special Tags: Vampire AU, Rockstar AU, BDSM, Wax Play

My Legacy @buckyscombatboots Summary: An Orc found their one true mate and he wants babies. Warnings: Rape, Kidnaping, Angst, Bodily Harm, Smut Special Tags: Orc AU, Breeding Kink, Size Difference

Bound @boxofbonesfic Summary: Bucky reminds you who you belong to in the club bathroom. Warnings: Rough Sex, Toxic Vibes, Smut Special Tags: Public Sex, Biker AU,

Wanted @jadedvibes Summary: Your relationship with one of your patients takes a shocking and unfortunate turn. Warnings: Rape, Kidnaping, Stalking, Smut Special Tags: Public Sex, Bondage, Dark

If it Were Summer @pellucid-constellations Summary: You met Bucky in Italy—a summer abroad with sweet gelato and even sweeter words. You never thought you’d see him again, and you were right. Because the Bucky at this frat party, the one with the smirk and the wandering eyes, was nothing like the one you knew. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still completely in love with you. Warnings: Minor violence, Alcohol Special Tags: Collage AU, Frat Boy AU

𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐭 @mavsstar Summary: You take the kids to your ex's house while you go on a date Warnings: Smut Special Tags: Family AU, Soft Sex

Coffee. Emergency. Thighs @angrythingstarlight Summary: Bucky uses you while you sleep. Warnings: Smut Special Tags: Soft sex, Somnophilia, Praise Kink,

Everyone Gonna Know @octoberkait Summary: Bucky video tapes you during sex. Warnings: Rape, Blackmail, Smut Special Tags: Voyeurism, Breeding, Size Difference

First And Last @navybrat817 Summary: Bucky decides he wants you. Warnings: Rape, Forced Bond, Smut Special Tags: Omegaverse

Family Man @giorno-plays-piano Summary:  You thought the rumors about orcs wandering the forest in search of human companions were nothing serious. Warnings: Rape, Kidnaping, Smut Special Tags: Orc AU, Breeding Kink, Size Difference

Dangerous Acquaintances @giorno-plays-piano Summary: Wolves are big mean bullies. You know for sure. Warnings: Dubious Consent, Smut, Dark Special Tags: Hybrids, Breeding, Soft-Dom

The Devil’s bride @straywords Summary:20 years ago your parents promised you to a demon... and now the devil has come to collect his prize. Warnings: Kidnaping, Forced Marriage Special Tags: Demon AU

Sleeping Beauty @straywords Summary: Your strange, lonely neighbor awakens something inside you and, in turn, you awaken something inside him too. Warnings: Rape, Smut, Mental Health Special Tags: Somnophilia

A Perfect Fit   @straywords Summary: Your strange, lonely neighbor awakens something inside you and, in turn, you awaken something inside him too. Warnings: Smut Special Tags: Dubious Consent, Mafia AU, Voyeurism

My Devotion @cryptidcasanova Summary: The one where Bucky doesn’t take your breakup well. Warnings: Angst, Violence, Kidnaping Special Tags: Mafia AU

A Heart of Gold@bluemuisckid Summary: Bucky learns how to be a better husband to the reader. Warnings: Angst, Emotional Neglect Special Tags: Biker AU, Family AU

[corriganatheart]

If I Should Stay / Jude Bellingham x reader

Synopsis: Heartbreaking story of two people growing apart after a tragic event strikes their relationship.

Pairing: Jude Bellingham x fem!reader

Genre: 18+, heartbreaking but happy ending

Warning: mention of miscarriage

Groaning from the slight headache, he touches the spot next to him, hoping to feel the warmth he has been missing for months, but he is left with the coldness and an untouched side of the bed. He opens his eyes to be met with a new white pillow and the new white sheets under it. He then sees the telephone on the nightstand, realizing that he is in a hotel, not his bedroom.

Jude shoves his clothes and soccer gear into his duffel bag. He could’ve left yesterday after winning, but he stayed behind and celebrated with the single guys. His teammates that had someone to go home to left immediately and were surprised Jude didn’t join them, but they all turned an eye after seeing Jude’s reaction.

It wasn’t news that his relationship with you was falling apart; his teammates weren’t buying the endless excuses for your recent absence. You used to be two peas in a pod, always together, and seeing you not here can only mean there was trouble.

Jude stares at your name on his phone; it is still listed as “LOML💞,” despite the recent trouble in your relationship, he still doesn’t have the heart to change it. He looks at the text he sent you last night telling you that he’ll be home tomorrow, and by now, you must’ve seen the videos in Mat’s Instagram story of him partying. Despite that, you still sent him a congratulatory text without any additional prizes like you usually would in the past. He could’ve at least gotten a photo, but that was too much and selfish of him to ask. Jude groans and starts typing a good morning text, but in mid-sentence, he deletes it and decides to shut his phone.

You stare at yourself in the mirror, barely recognizing the person staring back at you. It has been five months since the accident happened, yet you still haven’t forgiven yourself. Your closest friends have tried to help you by setting up lunch dates or sleepovers, but you keep bailing out last minute. You felt terrible, but you felt even worse about what you’d done.

After your morning hygiene routine, you made breakfast and sat alone in the living room with the news on. You weren’t paying attention, though; instead, you were staring at the text messages on your phone screen. Jude sent you a goodnight text last night, but you didn’t respond; you hearted it. The tension between you two was only getting worst, and despite the many times he tried to make conversation, it only ended with a heated argument. After that, you assume Jude has entirely given up because now you guys barely look into each other’s eyes and divert them whenever you are in one another’s presence.

Jude doesn’t know why you haven’t left or why he hasn’t left. It has been five months of constant arguments, and it was taking a toll on your health and his career. He doesn’t remember the last time he got a good night's sleep because he was always up thinking of you and how you were feeling. There were nights when he would hear you cry beside him, but he was too numb to comfort you. And you must have grown to hate him more because you don’t sleep with him anymore but silently move into the guest room.

He sighs as he opens the door to your shared home. The house was cold, and empty. There was no sign of your presence, but the mug on the coffee table answered his question; you must’ve heard him pull up and run to your bedroom. Jude stared at the guest bedroom; the light was on, and despite wanting to knock and tell you that he was home, he forced himself to turn and go into his bedroom. After what seems like ten long minutes of sitting against his door, he heard your footstep tiptoe to the living room, and the sound of a cup getting grabbed was heard. Jude didn’t open the door to see you…nothing was changed.

You look at the picture in your hand; it seems like just yesterday, you received it. Staring at it alone in the cold dark room made you think about that morning in the bathroom. Jude had already left for his morning practice, and you were in the bathroom, walking back and forth. You hadn’t gotten your period that month, and that wouldn’t freak you out if it weren’t for his birthday weekend. You and Jude were very careful about using protections because you guys didn’t want to risk getting pregnant. But his birthday weekend was so perfect, and you wanted to give him everything he begged for, which was to have raw sex. He promised to pull out, but it was in the heat of the moment when he changed his mind. Of course, he had expressed wanting to start a family with you, but that was far from that day. Jude’s career was still just at its peak, and you were still in college.

Your eyes start to water when you think about what happened that afternoon. After seeing a positive sign on the pregnancy test, you immediately contacted your private doctor and drove to her office. After doing an ultrasound, she confirmed your pregnancy with a candid photo. You cried the whole way home, thinking of how this could affect Jude’s career and your future. You two were too young, and the pressure and criticism would be pouring in every way. So for the rest of the day, you made the excuse that you’ll be having a sleepover at your best friend's house and never told Jude about the pregnancy.

The weight was heavy on him as he stared at your door. He was sitting on the floor, head against the wall staring at the white wooden door like a madman. Jude knew you wouldn’t be coming out of that dark, cold room, and that was precisely why he was on the floor, head and back, leaning against the freezing wall. He thought back to the day when you two met at one of his games. Dortmund was playing against PSG, and you were a Neymar girl. You wore his jersey with his number painted on your face; you were a proud fan. He smiled, thinking of your first interaction with him. You were lost and looking for a snack machine, and Jude was doing the same. Coincidentally you guys found the same vending machine, and both wanted the last remaining chips in there. He remembered the look on your face when you saw the practice jersey he was wearing; he had never seen someone look so disgusted. Jude didn’t take offense to that because he was used to it, but he did find it amusing that a girl much shorter and smaller than him was intimidating. Looking back, he thought you were beautiful when he laid eyes on you despite you wearing his opponent’s gear. He even found your attitude attractive when you glared at him for getting the chips you wanted and watched your back as you sassily flipped your hair and walked away from him. The whole game, Jude tried not to stare when you screamed Neymar’s name because you were in the front row. And he tried not to take offense when you glare at him the whole game every-time he took the ball away from Neymar. For some reason, he wasn’t as aggressive but was finding the game amusing because of your reaction to his moves and goals. Jude didn’t realize he really wanted you until he scored the winning goal and pointed at you, dedicating the winning goal to his rival’s biggest fan. But the shock on your face made it all worth it.

Jude sighs, slightly smiling at the memory, but his smile fades, realizing it was just a memory.

You didn’t realize how harsh you were on Jude until you looked at the empty Snapchat memories from the last five months. There was nothing, nothing at all. You remembered the day Jude finally found out; it was three weeks after your discovery. You two argued about your lack of interest in his recent games and the rumors that were going around. Jude was caught up in a dating rumor with an Instagram model who happened to be at the same restaurant that his team happened to be celebrating, at which you failed to show up again. Looking back, it was merely a worthless rumor because the girl denied it the next day and posted her boyfriend. But it didn’t fix that you lashed out at Jude that night, and he yelled back, saying that you don’t trust him and that you must be cheating instead because you have been distant. The argument put so much stress on you that you bled the very next morning. You still remember the horrified look on Jude’s face when the doctor said that you had a miscarriage, and you will never forget the pain in his voice when he cried to you.

Jude placed his head on his knees while thinking of your broken face the day you were discharged. The doctor has given him advice and guidelines on coping with a lost one. He was the only person you got at the moment, yet he felt worthless. He wanted to pull you into a hug when you stared at the sonography with a blank expression, but he was afraid you’d push him away. Jude couldn’t get rid of the image of you screaming for help while the sheets under you were covered in blood. He would never be able to forget the look on your face when the doctor said you had a miscarriage. It was truly dreadful, a broken girl that had something ripped out of her because of her own boyfriend. And when the doctor said you were a month pregnant before the miscarriage, Jude broke down after realizing he was the cause; it was him that didn’t see through you.

Jude’s eyes watered thinking about the painful memory…yet he had no strength to knock on your door.

There were countless tear drops on the six-month-old sonography. You tried to hold on to the tears because it was so quiet in the house that you are for sure he’ll hear you crying. You have blamed yourself for so long after the accident and held anger towards Jude that you didn’t realize what you’ve done. He was also in pain from the loss; constantly taking the fall for what happened. Every time he tried to bring up the topic and apologize to you, you would lash out at him, and nothing changed. You still remember a couple of weeks ago when you woke up to drink a cup of water, only to see Jude asleep in front of your bedroom. He was rolled up in a ball on the floor with the blanket you bought for him many years ago. It was a painful sight because it was already four in the morning yet the tears on his cheeks still looked fresh. Still, you let your emotions get the best of you and ignored his pleading.

His heart was hurting so much to the point where he was clutching it, his nails piercing through his skin. Tomorrow would be the anniversary of the loss of the Angel he created with you, and Jude was devastated. This was when you both needed one another, yet you were locked in a different room from his, and he was too much of a coward to knock on your door. Jude missed you so much that it hurts to even think of you. Even though you were still his girlfriend, and even though you were still living under the same roof as him, you were far from being with him. He loves you so much, and it pains him to think you might not feel the same way anymore. If he had known that you were pregnant, he would have done anything to ensure you had the most extensive support. Sure he was young, and so were you, but he wouldn’t have wanted to go through that with anyone else.

You wipe the now-wet photo and pull the covers off of you. Your feet hit the cold floor and your body was shaking. You couldn’t do this alone, you needed him by your side, and five months was more than enough to give you your space. You don’t know why you needed it in the first place, but it shouldn’t have been this way. You guys were both in the wrong, and it was that reason that you should’ve been seeking warmth from one another.

With no hesitation, you open the door of the cold dark room.

Jude didn’t want to go through this alone anymore. No amount of wins can fulfilled the void in his heart. He missed you and needs you….He needed your warmth again.

With no hesitation, he knocks on the door to your room, only for it to swing open at just one knock.

You guys stare at one another, eyes filled with tears, emotions filled with sadness, hopefulness, joy, love, and all of the above. Neither of you wants to take the next step, neither of you wants to say a word, and neither of you wants to ruin the moment because it was perfect.

You look at the blanket lying on the floor where Jude is sitting, and he looks at the photo clenching in your hand; you both then avert back to each other’s eyes. “I-“ you both said at the exact time, but neither continues. Instead, you smile at one another and take the next step to pull each other intoa hug. You feel him shaking as tears hit your shoulders while his hand stroke the back of your head. Your arms are wrapped around his waist, not wanting to let go, not ever wanting to let go. The middle of his white cotton t-shirt is damped from your tears, but that was enough reassurance to Jude that you both will be ok…the missing warmth finally comes back.

[topgun-imagines]

happy anniversary my love!!! for your celebration how about 🍓 + rooster!!

Thank you Lovely!!

Older, Wiser, More Experienced Bradley knew you were innocent, but he wasn't just sure how innocent you were. warnings: age gap (reader is 23, Bradley is 35), oral sex (f receiving), mentions of phone sex, blink and you miss it corruption kink, a dash of daddy kink. @topguncortez

To Build A Home The trials and tribulations that come with trying to create a family. Warnings: smut, unprotected sex, cursing, vomiting, miscarriage, blood, mentions of blood stains, hospitals, cramps, angst, tears. @topguncortez

Kink.Com You’re offered an opportunity you just can’t refuse ~ To shoot a kink .com video with Jake Seresin and Bradley Bradshaw, two of the worlds most renowned BDSM dominants. Warnings: SMUT! Jake Seresin x F!reader. Bradley Bradshaw x F!reader. Threesomes, heavy use of bondage, sex toys, BDSM. Submissive and Dominant dynamics. STRICTLY 18+ @ohtobeleah

It's Okay, Daddy's Here Even after your honeymoon is over, you find yourself needing your husband all the time. One Saturday, when Bradley is out with the guys, you have an itch you just can't scratch by yourself. When he comes home and finds you a desperate, horny mess, he assures that "It's okay, Daddy's here." Warnings: smut and fluff. @roosterforme

How Could I Forget When Bradley met you in a dive bar in Virginia, he just knew he wasn't going to be able to stop thinking about you. Even a year later, he still remembers your laugh and the way you kissed him. Warnings: fluff, drinking, and swearing. @roosterforme

I Would Never Hurt You Bradley saw the bruises and knew what was going on, but he also knew you didn't need him the way he needed you. Warnings: angst, physical abuse, and fighting. @roosterforme

Sleepyhead Bradley didn't know that he was touch starved until he met you. @roosterbruiser

A Forgotten Birthday You were really looking forward to your birthday party and for Bradley to meet the rest of your family. Until Bradley isn’t able to make it and completely forgets about it being your birthday in the first place. Warnings: Angst, insecurities, sad, arguments, swearing. Out of character Rooster? @colourfulsuitwonderland

Don't Go To Bed Angry You and Rooster have an argument and he storms off. Warnings: Arguments; Martial Strife; Storming Off; Some Angst. @tip-top-cloud-surfer

Join in!

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 40:

And some things you just can’t speak about…

Masterlist - Previous - Next

TW: Miscarriage

Charles POV:

I felt my phone vibrate for the third time, while trying to focus on the questions, wondering what was going on. As soon as Tom Clarkson ended the press conference I stormed outside, taking my phone out. Multiple missed calls from JK. I called him back immediately, a sickening feeling in my stomach.

"What’s going on, JK?" I asked when he picked up.

"Lizzie ran away." JK answered and I was confused.

"What do you mean, Lizzie ran away? Where are you?" I asked, panic starting to overcome me.

"I don’t know what happened. She ran off in the middle of her interview. She’s gone. All of her stuff is still here. But she’s gone. And she’s not picking up her phone either!"

"I’m coming to you…"

"I’m already here…" JK stood in front of me all of a sudden.

"But… she wouldn’t just leave?"

"Julie said that she said 'Fuck this shit. I’m done.' and then left. She’s not at her garage or hospitality. All her stuff was still there, but she’s gone."

"Why did she run away? She wouldn’t just say fuck it and leave for no reason?"

"She was in the middle of an interview and then she left…"

"I bet my ass it was a Spanish outlet." I said and JK nodded "I should’ve said something. Set the record straight. Fuck."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"She didn’t just punch Sainz for no reason, who does that anyways? He said that I should learn how to tame my bitch." I grit out and he looked at me with big eyes and a look of pure disgust on his face.

"Asshole."

"I know… but now I need to find her!"

"Try your hotel. I think that’s the best option then." he suggested.

"Yeah… but what if…" I began.

"Don’t think like that. Go. Look for her. Call me when you’re there. If Lizzie is there, good. If not, we’ll go and find her!" JK patted my back and handed me Lizzie’s bag.

"I go and grab my stuff now, then I go to our hotel. Thanks JK, really!" I sprinted back to the Ferrari hospitality, Mia already awaiting me "Whatever it is, it has to wait, there’s an emergency."

"What happened?" Mia asked alarmed.

"Lizzie ran away… she’s gone. No one knows where she is… I need to find her." I already walked up the stairs, just grabbing my things and ready to leave when Silvia’s voice called out for Mia.

"Mia? Is Charles back from the press conference? He and Carlos need to film a video."

"Charles just left…" Mia began but got interrupted immediately.

"He left? He can’t just leave? Call him! He has to come back!" I rolled my eyes at her shrill voice.

"You don’t want him to come back, Silvia. He threw up. Twice. I’m just glad that he was thinking fast enough to hide behind a container. Just imagine if someone would’ve filmed that!" Mia lied.

"True. That would be something we don’t need right now, one of our drivers vomiting in the paddock." Silvia sighed "Alright, then I go and look for Carlos. You check in on Charles."

"I will." Mia said and walked up the stairs "Alright. Go out through the back door, no one will see you there! And text me when you’ve found Lizzie. Or if you need help finding her!"

"Thank you Mia!" I hugged her and then left through the back door like she said. I made it out of the paddock and back to the hotel without being seen by anyone. I almost sprinted out of the elevator, through the door of our hotel room.

There she sat. On the sofa. Knees hugged tight to her chest. Eyes closed. Quietly humming. Relieve flooding me, although the way she sat there, looking so small, almost made my heart break. I carefully approached her, gently touched her knee and she flinched a little, looking up.

"Hey." she whispered as I sat down next to her.

"Hey." I replied cupping her tear stained cheek "What happened?"

"It’s ridiculous. I overreacted." she mumbled but I shook my head.

"I don’t think so… it was the Spanish media. They are coming after you because you dared to touch their hero Sainz senior." I said and she chuckled bitterly.

"Yeah. But you know, without proof what he said? No one will believe me. And they won’t believe your words, because of course you would lie for me…"

"I’ll find a solution. I promise you…"

"No! You can’t do anything Charles! I don’t want you to lose your seat because of this!" she almost cried and I pulled her into my lap, leaning back.

"I won’t, trust me! I already have an idea and if it works they all see what a disgusting man he is…" I whispered and she nodded slowly.

"I want this season to be over." Lizzie sighed after a while and I kissed the crown of her head.

"Yeah… me too. It’s one to forget, to be honest. But we have to put on a brave face and show everyone who doubts us that we’re better than them, okay? Better than all of them!" I smiled encouraging at her and she nodded slowly.

"Yeah… and we’re starting out with you on pole and me right behind!"

"Hell yes."

"Charles? A word?" Mattia said right as I wanted to grab my helmet.

"What’s up?" I asked, taking a sip out of my bottle.

"I need you to stick to our plan today. You can’t get your feelings for Lizzie get the better of you. You have to defend Carlos. He made it on pole! Keep Lizzie out of his range…" he said and I rolled my eyes "I’m serious Charles!"

"Whose idea was it to start on the softs? To be able to fully attack? Right. Mine. Who said that getting in front of Lizzie at the start is the most important thing to do to help Carlos? Right. Me. I know what I have to do. No need to remind me…" I said grabbing my helmet, wanting to leave.

"I just wanted to make sure that we’re still on the same page."

"Yeah. We are. Can I go now? Thanks." I brushed past him.

"What was that about?" Andrea asked when he took my helmet from me.

"He wanted to remind me to stick to MY plan…" I sighed and Andrea rolled his eyes.

"Your plan to help Carlos win… because he can’t do it alone…" he said under his breath and I chuckled a little.

"Andrea." I chided.

"I didn’t say anything…" he grinned, following me out to my car "But if I did… it would be the truth."

"Lizzie rubs off on you." I chuckled.

"Maybe. But it’s just for the best I think." he shrugged his shoulders and I nodded.

"Yeah, it really is. Let’s go now, let’s help Carlos win this race." I sighed while Andrea rolled his eyes.

"Yay. Sounds fun… not."

"It’s scary how similar you and Lizzie are getting."

"As long as you won’t kiss me, it’s good."

"We'll see about that."

The race was long. Exhausting. After half the distance my fingers began to hurt, but I powered through. After fighting with Charles for multiple laps I finally was able to leave him behind, knowing that he sacrificed his race for Sainz. Now I had to fully focus on him in front. I wouldn’t let him take home this win. He would stay winless after today. I pushed as hard as I could and managed to finally overtake him and create a little gap between us. But he was quick to recover and the next few laps were a tight battle, with me staying in front but not with much.

"Do I have anything left?"

"Negative."

"Fuck. My tires are gone as well."

"Just keep pushing. 5 more laps to go."

I tried. I gave my all. My car was going around the corners with barely an inch between the walls at some parts of the track. My tires were more than gone. And when Pete finally said that it was the final lap I felt relieve flood me. One last lap. But Sainz came closer and closer with each turn. Right as I drove into turn 16 I saw him, closer as ever and I pushed hard. Through turn 17. Straight down into turn 18 and I was still slightly ahead when all of a sudden I lost all control, felt the strong pulling of the g forces in my bones, spun around and crashed right into the wall before the final corner. The impact raged like a tidal wave through my body. My mind buzzing. I was out of the race.

"Are you okay? Lizzie?"

I couldn’t answer. Hands trembling. Arms felt heavy. Neck and shoulders tense. A dull pain in the pit of my stomach, a weird pulling.

"Lizzie?"

I saw marshals approaching. A searing pain shot through my hand. When I tried to unbuckle myself. Of course. My already injured hand had to bitch now even more.

"Lizzie? Are you okay?"

"Did that really happen? Did he really…?"

Radio silence. I knew what that meant. Sainz did in fact drive straight into me. Sent me off track. Won the race.

"You have to wait for the medical car." one of the marshals said but I shook my head and climbed over the wall.

"No, I don’t." I replied, out of breath. The heat. The exhaustion. The impact still in my bones. The pain in my fingers. The abdominal pain, getting worse with every step. It all was too much and I felt myself swaying. I grabbed onto the wall to steady myself and took a deep breath. Then I almost jogged towards the pit lane. Saw how the cars passed me after their out lap, returning to the pit lane as well. I had to be there before Charles got out of his car. I knew that he saw what happened. It was still on replay on all the screens. He would be seething. He would be going straight for Sainz, cameras or not. Another Marshall saw me struggling and held me upright.

"You should go to the medical centre." he suggested but I shook my head.

"I can’t. I have to go to the pits." I breathed heavily and continued "I’m fine. Really!" he let go of me reluctantly and I felt his look on me for a while. I saw how Charles parked his car and knew I had to be faster. I clenched my teeth and kept going. Right as I felt like I would faint I dropped my helmet and someone was catching me from falling.

Charles POV:

The car wasn’t even properly parked, the engine not even switched off when I unbuckled my seatbelt and threw the headrest away. Climbed out. Threw the steering wheel back in. My helmet followed. Then I looked around. Saw how Carlos jumped into the open arms of our mechanics. Saw them cheering. Celebrating. Singing. My blood began to boil. Pure rage surging through my veins. I wanted to break his bones. Every. Single. One. I stalked towards the scene when someone stopped me.

"Wrong way." Pierre held me back.

"Get out of my way."

"Charles, not here. Not for everyone to see."

"Look at him! Look at them! Look how they celebrate!" I screamed and some heads were turning our way.

"I know but…"

"You know nothing! It’s my girlfriend he sent straight into a wall! On purpose! He probably didn’t even ask if she’s okay!" more and more people where looking at us. Some guys from my team as well, all looking conflicted. Pierre still held me back "Let go of me."

"No." he pushed me away from my destination "I won’t let you do…"

"I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU…" I began to scream when I heard a weak voice calling out for me.

"Charles…" Lizzie.

I turned around. My heart dropped. She clung to Alex, who held her upright. She was pale and sweaty. Body shaking. Her helmet on the ground, visor cracked. I ran up to her. Pulled her into me.

"Are you okay, cara mia?" I whispered and she nodded slowly.

"I’m okay. A little exhausted… I honestly didn’t think that the way would be that far. My cardio sucks." she chuckled breathlessly but I pulled away, cupping her cheeks.

"Why didn’t you wait for the medical car? Why aren’t you on the way to the medical centre?" I looked at her.

"Take a good guess…"

"Cara mia…" I began but she shook her head.

"No! You say nothing! You stay calm!" her voice was firm although I could see how hard it was for her to just stand "Please Charles, don’t do anything stupid!" she almost pleaded.

"Okay, I won’t. I promise! But can I please take you to the medical centre?" now I was the one pleading.

"I think you should first go and congratulate your team and team ma-…" she began but I scoffed.

"Congratulate them? For what? He sent you straight into a wall! He needs to be penalised…" I seethed and took her helmet that Alex handed me "Thanks mate, for helping Lizzie…"

"No worries, just get her to see a doc, she almost fainted twice on her way here." Alex said and gently patted Lizzie’s arm.

"Thanks Albono!" Lizzie smiled at him, but I could clearly see her exhaustion.

"Come on, pretty girl, let’s get you to the medical centre." I whispered following Pierre, who took my helmet out of my car, to our weighing.

I waited outside the hospital room, mind reeling. When the doctor at the track said they had to take Lizzie to the hospital I expected the worst. My heart was racing. The minutes I had to wait felt like hours when finally a nurse opened the door and let me in. Lizzie was pale but she didn’t look like she was seriously injured, but the look on the doctor’s face as he told me to wait until she would wake up made me feel uneasy. I looked around, there was a big plastic bag with her racing suit and fireproof on the chair in the corner and when I looked closer I saw something red staining the bag. I didn’t need to look again. I swallowed hard. Blood. But where did it come from? Was there something I didn’t see? Was this the reason the doctor rushed her to the hospital? Breathing got harder and I tried to calm myself down, right when Lizzie opened her eyes, frantically searching the room until they found mine and she visible relaxed.

"Hey cara mia. How are you feeling?" I asked, voice trembling a little, drawing circles on the back of her hand with my thumb. She sat up a little and smiled lightly.

"I’m okay, Charles!" she said and smoothed down my ruffled hair a little, the result of my anxiety over the past hour "What happened? We were at weighing and then all is kinda blurry?"

"You fainted-…" I began when the door opened and a doctor came in.

"Hi Lizzie, how are we feeling?" he asked and Lizzie shrugged a little.

"I’m okay. A little tired. Nothing bad going on." she answered and yawned quietly.

"Were you feeling unwell before today?" the doctor asked and Lizzie shook her head.

"You felt sick for weeks, Lizzie!" I said sternly and Lizzie just sighed.

"It was a stomach bug. That’s it." she said and the doctor shook his head slightly.

"For weeks? And sometimes it was more, sometimes less?" Charles looked at the doctor.

"I see… Lizzie there is something that we need to talk about…" he began and looked at me for a moment.

"Whatever it is, you can say it in front of him, it’s fine." she said and he nodded.

"I’m sorry to inform you, but due to the high forces in the car when crashing into the wall, you had a miscarriage…" the doctor said and I could hear Lizzie inhaling sharply "We’d say you weren’t that far along maybe 8th to 9th week if we’re correct?"

I looked at Lizzie, shocked expression on her face. She was pregnant? We were having a baby?

"Miscarriage? I was… I was pregnant?" she whispered, her voice hoarse.

"You didn’t know?” the doctor asked and she shook her head slightly, then closed her eyes and pulled her hand out of my grasp and put it in her lap, fiddling with her cuticles as always when she was nervous or anxiety ridden "I’m sorry to be the bearer of this sad news. We’d like to have you over for the night to make sure you’re all good and then you can leave tomorrow."

With that he left and Lizzie sobbed quietly, tears streaming down her face, she pulled her knees up to her chest, hissing in pain but hugged them close, her head turned away from me.

"Mon amour? Lizzie? Hey! Look at me!" I whispered and sat next to her in the bed and tried to make her look at me.

"I’m sorry Charles! I’m so sorry! I didn’t know! I would never get in the car if I knew that I was pregnant! I would never… I’m so sorry!" she cried and I pulled her in my lap, hugging her tight "I lost our baby, Charles! I’m so sorry!"

"Stop apologising! It’s not your fault! You don’t have to be sorry for anything! Do you hear me?" I said but she was shaking and whispering how sorry she was over and over.

"Please don’t hate me for losing our baby!" she whispered after a while and my heart broke.

"Enough! You hear me, cara mia? It’s enough! Stop apologising for something that wasn’t your fault! Stop feeling guilty for something you didn’t know! Stop blaming yourself! It wasn’t your fault. And please stop thinking that I could ever hate you! I love you, Lizzie! You hear me? I. LOVE. YOU!" I said and held her close, kissed her temple, forehead, cheeks again and again "It’s okay! We’re going to be ok? Alright? Stop apologising, Lizzie! Please!"

She nodded slightly but I could hear her soft sobs for quite some time, before she finally fell asleep and just then I allowed myself to feel the same devastation. We were having a baby. I would’ve become a dad. And my beautiful Lizzie would’ve become a mum. But not anymore. And she blamed herself for it. Thought I could hate her. Her out of all people. I kissed her on the crown of her head.

"I love you, Lizzie and there’s nothing you could ever do to change that. One day you and I will have a baby and it’s going to be one of the most beautiful days of our life’s!" I whispered and after some time I fell asleep myself.

I woke up when I heard someone talk loudly in Italian in the hallway and sat up, careful not to wake up Lizzie. I got out of the bed and stretched a little before I opened the door.

"…he can’t just disappear like that!" Mattia said to Andrea who scoffed.

"What did you expect? That he would celebrate while his girlfriend fainted multiple times and has to stay at the medical centre? After crashing out? Because someone sent her straight into the wall?" he replied and Mattia rolled his eyes.

"It was a racing incident. She didn’t leave enough spa-…" Mattia began.

"Bullshit. Lizzie had the corner and he didn’t leave her enough space! And instead of backing down he drove straight into her!" I said loudly and they both turned around.

"Charles, that is not what was happening!" Mattia said "They were close the whole last lap and at this corner she should’ve left him more space."

"Why? That he can overtake her? Who does that? Who? She was in front. She had the corner. So he did the only thing he could do, he touched her, made her crash out. In the last corner." I had to suppress my anger.

"Yes, they made contact. And Carlos got a penalty. For causing a collision. The FIA dealed with it. It’s all good now…"

"It’s all good now? IT’S ALL GOOD NOW? Lizzie! She had a mi-… no. Nothing is all good now!" I almost screamed, Andrea putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Look, I’m sorry Lizzie has to be here. But as Carlos teammate I expected you to congratulate him. I expected you to celebrate with the team. It was important. It was his first win after all! He ended the domination of Red Bull. But you left without a word. You weren’t at any interview. You’ll be fined and we won’t pay for it. That is on you. But you’re going to be at the race debrief. I won’t tolerate your absence." Mattia turned around and left, without giving me the chance to say a word.

"How is she?" Andrea asked me and I felt my throat closing in. I shook my head, trying to get a word out but couldn’t. The weight of the news still heavy in my stomach.

"She’s umm- she’s okay. Under the circumstances… I mean… yeah- she… she’ll be okay." I stammered and Andrea nodded, sensing how bad I felt.

"What happened? Come on. You can tell me. It’s okay." Andrea lead me to a seating area and sat down, I did the same and leaned back, closing my eyes.

"Andrea… Lizzie- she was… we would’ve become- she lost our baby…" I whispered the last part and Andreas eyes widened in horror "She didn’t knew that she was pregnant. But the high g-forces when she crashed into that wall? It was too much. The baby… it couldn’t survive it… Lizzie had a miscarriage."

"I’m going to kill him. He stood there, celebrated like he was a king. Celebrated like he won this race through his own brilliance when it was you who defended him for such a long time to create a big, fat gap. Ferrari wanted you to sacrifice your entire race to help him win. And you did and he… he only won by pushing Lizzie off… and then he didn’t even mention you once. He didn’t acknowledge your involvement. He didn’t thank you. Nothing! Mattia didn’t as well! They didn’t mention Lizzie at all! Not saying that they were hoping she’d be fine! Nothing!" Andrea was furious and I hid my face in my hands, arms on my knees.

"I’m not leaving her alone. I don’t care about the race debrief or what Mattia will do. I don’t care about it all anymore." I whispered.

"You’re going to that race debrief and you show them all that no matter what they throw your way, you overcome it all!" Lizzie’s weak voice behind me made me flinch and I turned around.

There she stood, pale, swollen eyes, tired, in her hospital gown. Looking nothing but determined.

"Lizzie! You should stay in bed!" I got up but she took a step back, holding up her hand to stop me "Cara mia…"

"No. You go. Both of you. Carlos won today. We can’t change that. He got a penalty but still won. It’s like this. But you don’t give him, his family, Mattia or anyone else the satisfaction that you can’t handle it or something. No. You go to that debrief. You put on a smile. You congratulate him. You be the bigger person. You show your honour. And from then on you show them who you are. You do the talking on track. You destroy him. In every single race to come. You finish ahead of him at the end of the season." Lizzie sounded determined and I looked at her. She was the strongest person I’ve ever known. I nodded slowly and took a cautious step towards her and she took one towards me as well. Two more steps and I engulfed her in a tight embrace.

"I love you, cara mia. So so much!" I whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek.

"I love you too, Il predestinato! Go and show them who’s the best driver!" she replied and I looked her in the eyes for a moment before I leaned in for a kiss. Her warm lips brushed against mine and for a moment I forgot everything around us "Go now. I’m fine. JK and Julie will stop by later with some fresh clothes. I won’t be alone."

"Are you sure?" I asked her and she nodded "Okay. I’ll be back as soon as I can!" I kissed her once again. I stepped aside and Andrea hugged Lizzie.

"Mia ragazza… I’m so sorry." he whispered and Lizzie nodded a little "I make sure that Charles won’t do anything stupid… don’t worry!"

"Thank you, Andrea." Lizzie breathed out.

"You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met." Andrea said when he pulled away, kissing her cheek "Let’s go." he looked at me and I nodded, watching Lizzie returning back to her room, climbing into the bed.

"Let’s make this quick."

I walked inside. The trophy sitting int the middle of the table. Mattia and Carlos talking with his father and cousin, Riccardo, his race engineer right next to them. A whole bunch of our team still with a big smile on their face, talking animatedly about the race. I sat wordlessly down, at the end of the table, not making a sound and waited for the debrief to start. Alessandro, Callo and Mario came up to me, patting my shoulder and I looked up.

"Hey, how’s Lizzie?" Alessandro asked and I forced myself to smile a little.

"She’s okay. Not great, sure, but she’ll be fine." I replied and they both nodded, smiling.

"That’s good. Really good." Mario said, right as Andrea walked in and sat down next to me, handing me a bottle of water.

"Charles? Hey… how’s Lizzie? I heard she’s in the hospital?" Fabrizio asked, sitting down next to me.

"Yeah, they had to make some more tests, it wasn’t just a little bump after all. But she’s okay." I said again, feeling the bile rise up my throat.

"Yeah? That’s good. I’m glad to hear that." he gently patted my arm and I nodded.

"Yeah, it is." I pressed out, gulping down some water, while Andrea nudged my thigh a little, smiling at me.

"Alright everyone. There’s not much to debrief tonight. We had a fantastic weekend with the best possible result. Tyre degradation was working in our favour this weekend, but it’s still one of our main problems. Also the reliability of some components. But we know now that Red Bull is beatable. It was a tough battle, but in the end we can all celebrate Carlos’ first win now!" Mattia said and I looked first at him, then at Carlos. Big smile on his face. His father and cousin smiling at him looking all proud, his mechanics cheering, beer bottles getting passed along. Everyone started to chat. And I sat there. Looking at Mattia. Laughing and joking with Sainz senior. I felt anger rising up. This was the important debrief I had to attend. The debrief that made me leave Lizzie behind. Alone. No.

"That’s it?" I asked loudly and the room fell silent "That’s the race debrief? That’s all you have to say?"

"What else is there to say?" Mattia looked at me as I got up.

"This is why I left my girlfriend alone in the hospital after someone sent her straight into a wall?" my voice was trembling with anger but he didn’t say anything.

"Charles…" Andrea began but I shook my head, walking towards the door where Mattia stood with Carlos, his father and cousin.

"Congratulations Carlos. Congratulations Matti, it looks like you finally got your long awaited Santander win." I said, then I walked out, Andrea following me.

"Hey my pretty girl, how are you?" Charles asked when he walked inside and I shrugged my shoulders a little.

"I don’t know. It’s weird… I didn’t know that I was pregnant… I just-…" I stopped. Looking at my hands. Not sure what to say and what to feel.

"Lizzie? Hey… it’s okay. Whatever you feel is okay. You can talk to me. Or not. Whatever you need now… just don’t push me away entirely, okay?" Charles took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles, smiling at me "We’re in this together. You and me. Okay?"

"When we talked about us having kids… I didn’t thought about the when… one day sure… but now? I don’t think I would’ve been ready… it would’ve meant giving up my career? Everything I fought so hard for? It’s selfish to think like that… I know… but- but I think I’m relieved that I lost it? I’m a horrible person for thinking that way, I know! But it’s just… I don’t know… I’m sorry." I whispered, not able to look at him, knowing that he would be shocked and hurt by my words.

"Can you please look at me?" he asked me gently and I looked up "It’s not selfish to want this chance, this opportunity not to end. I know how hard it was for you to make it into Formula 1. I know the blood, sweat and tears you invested. And it doesn’t make you a horrible person… because last night? I saw how sorry you were. And how much it hurt you… you don’t have to feel sorry, okay?"

"It’s just so weird. Because although I’m relieved… I’m also sad? This little bean? That was us. You and I. And it was in me. It was a part of me, unknowingly, but still. And now it’s gone. And I’m not sure if I’m even allowed to feel sad? Because I didn’t want it in the first place?" Charles wiped away my tears and leaned his forehead against mine.

"You can feel every way you want to… you can be sad. Mad. Frustrated. Confused. Relieved. It’s okay. It’s a lot to process. But at the end of the day, it’s only important that you know that it’s all going to be okay. I’m with you. Always. And the next time a little bean is growing in your belly? Maybe then is the time for us to be happy. To be excited. But we have time. As much time as you need." he whispered and I nodded slowly.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Always find the right words? Always know what to say? Always know what to do? How are you so perfect?" I smiled and he chuckled.

"It’s easy. I do it for you. And you’re perfect. You deserve only the best. That means that I have to be the best. So I’m trying my best…"

"You’re succeeding."

Charles POV:

I left Lizzie’s room when her doctor and a nurse came to do some final tests. I took the elevator downstairs. The silence in the confined room was deafening. Lizzie’s words still echoing in my mind. She felt relieved. Relieved that she lost our baby. Our baby. I took a deep breath. The bell signalling the doors opening. I looked up when a nurse wheeled in a young woman, baby in her arms. I swallowed hard, stepping aside. I watched the young mother gently stroking the cheek of her newborn. Kissing the baby’s forehead. A void inside of me opening. A cold numbness overcoming me. I didn’t know how to feel. Sad? Mad? Relieved? Confused? Frustrated? Overwhelmed? From everything a little? I flinched when the baby started to cry. I watched how the young mother cradled her little bundle of joy closer to her chest, softly cooing, trying to calm down her most prized possession. I stepped out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened and just started walking, no idea where I would go.

I found a quiet seating area and sat down. My mind reeling. I had no right to be mad at Lizzie. It was her body. Her choice. She would have to end her career. Not me. She would be the one carrying the baby for the next nine months. Not me. I understood her. Of course I did. But still. The thought of this tiny little bean. This tiny little something. A mix of us. Something we created through our love. To hear that she felt relieved that it was gone hurt for some reason. Like hell. After a while I checked the time, realising that I was sitting there for almost 20 minutes and got up, went back to Lizzie’s room. Putting on a brave smile. A reassuring one. I had to be strong now. And supportive. What happened didn’t happen to me, but to Lizzie. And I had to be strong now. For her.

"The cramping usually stops within a day, maybe two. You can take painkillers. It’s normal that there might be some light bleeding or spotting for the next 4 to 6 weeks. You should see your ob-gyn in around two weeks and they may do an ultrasound exam or other tests to make sure all the tissue has passed. Also no heavy lifting. And no sexual intercourse for the next one, better two weeks…" the nurse said and Lizzie nodded.

"Oh don’t worry, we don’t want another accident happen so soon." she joked half heartedly and I groaned. Accident.

"Can you maybe not make these kind of jokes just now…" I let out, harsher than intended, and she looked up from her bag, eyes wide.

"I’m sorry." she whispered, looking back down, her shoulders visible tensing.

"No… I’m sorry." I gently took her hand in mine but she pulled away.

"I’m ready, we can go… thank you for everything." Lizzie grabbed her bag and smiled at the nurse. I wanted to take her bag but she already started walking out the room.

"Fuck…" I muttered under my breath "Thank you!" I nodded at the nurse, following Lizzie, who was almost at the elevator "Lizzie wait…" I called after her "Hey! Cara mia, give me your bag."

"I’m fine..." she whispered, turning away.

"Lizzie, please. Give me your bag." I repeated, but she shook her head, still not looking at me.

"I’ll be in the car on the weekend. I can carry my bag." she said right as the elevator doors opened.

"I know that you can, but you don’t have to. So please, cara mia." I almost pleaded but Lizzie was stubborn and carried her bag all the way to the car and from the car back to our hotel room as well.

"I already packed your suitcase last night, I just left some clothes for the flight out… I hope what I picked was okay?" I said to her and she only nodded, grabbing the clothes and then disappeared in the bathroom. I heard the shower going and could’ve sworn that I heard Lizzie sob "Cara mia? Are you okay?" I knocked on the door.

"Yeah. I’ll hurry, don’t worry." her voice confirmed my suspicion, she was crying.

"Lizzie, can I come in?" I said gently.

"I’m okay, Charles. Just give me a minute."

I sighed and sat down on the bed, thinking about what I did.

"You can go now if you want…" Lizzie said and I flinched, she stood in front of me, fully dressed, her hair wrapped in a towel.

"Can we talk about what happened?" I tried it again but Lizzie walked away.

"There is nothing to talk and if you want to take a shower you need to hurry up, the car is here in 20 minutes." she sat down at the table and began to blow dry her hair and I sighed, knowing that I wouldn’t get her to talk. At least not now. Defeated I grabbed my stuff and want to the bathroom, not without looking at Lizzie once more. Her shoulders slumped, eyes trained down to the floor. Great fucking job, Charles.

I called Julie, silently begging that she would answer the call immediately.

"Lizzie, hey! How are you?" Julie sounded worried.

"I’m fine. Really." I said although I didn’t felt like it.

"Okay… if I can do anything, just let me know, okay?"

"Actually, there is something you can do…" I said, taking a deep breath.

"Yeah, sure, everything."

"Can you book a room for me in Japan?" I asked.

"It’s already booked… Mia sent me the details…" she sounded confused.

"No… umm- a room… for me. Just me."

Silence.

"Okay… whatever you want…" Julie said after a while.

"Thank you… see you in Suzuka…" I hung up and finished my hair, pulling it up into a messy bun right when Charles came out of the bathroom, packing away his things "Ready? Joris texted me that the driver is here."

"Umm yeah. Sure. Let’s go…" Charles replied and grabbed his bag, as well as mine. I cocked an eyebrow but he shook his head "Just let me carry it, okay?"

"Okay…" I mumbled and we left the room, meeting up with Joris. I didn’t listen to anything they were saying and just wanted to get into the plane, put my head down and sleep. Or at least try to. I was never really a fan of sleeping on the plane but maybe after last night sleep would find me easily.

"Cara mia?" I heard Charles whisper and opened my eyes "We landed."

"Already?" I yawned and he nodded.

"You were gone the moment you sat down." Charles smiled and I stretched a little.

"Okay…" I got up and grabbed my bag, following Charles out of the plane and all the way through to the arrival hall, where already a bunch of fans were waiting for us, mostly Charles, but still. I smiled for as many selfies as possible, signed stuff and thanked the fans for coming although I was more than exhausted. Light cramps made me flinch a little and I felt how I had to force my smile more and more with every new selfie.

"Guys, leave Lizzie a little space to breathe. The crash is still in her bones!" Charles stepped next to me and some fans immediately took some steps back, but not all of them and with Charles now next to me, even more people swarmed us and he pulled me to his side. With Joris on my other side and some securities coming to our help, we made it outside and into our car.

"I think we really should consider hiring bodyguards for yo- for us." Charles said hastily when I glared at him.

"I was fine before you and your whole mob of fangirls came along." I said bluntly and he looked at me for a moment, as if he wanted to say something, but then he shook his head and turned to Joris.

"You have a dinner later. You have to attend. Sorry…" he said and Charles groaned.

"How much time do I have?"

"Let’s say, check in, change, go? And we still might be a little late."

"Great. Just great." Charles looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders "I don’t want to leave you alone…"

"I’m fine. In fact, I’m meeting up with Julie anyways, she wants to show me some stuff for Netflix." I lied and he nodded "I’ll go straight to her room when we arrive."

"Okay… but Lizzie? Don’t overwork yourself… the doctor said to take it a little slow. Please."

"Don’t worry, I will." I replied when our car stopped and another mass of fans was waiting "Round 2 I guess."

"How did Charles react?" Julie asked when I dropped my bag on the sofa.

"Umm… he doesn’t know." I replied and she made big eyes "It’s better like this."

"Yeah maybe, but you still should tell him that! And not just let him walk into an empty hotel room…"

"I’m going to send him a text. We need a little space. He’s hurt and mad… and it’s not because I had a miscarriage… it’s because I said that I’m relieved." I almost whispered.

"But you explained him why, right? I can’t imagine Charles being mad if he knows the reasons? It’s Charles after all?" she cocked an eyebrow as I sat down on the sofa.

"Yeah but his reaction? I- I think he’s more hurt than he wants to admit. He needs time to think about it. To process it. And he can’t do that when I’m next to him all the time." I grabbed my phone and opened a text for Charles "He will understand."

"I hope you’re right…"

I groaned, turning to switch on the nightstand lamp.

"What the actual fuck…" I muttered, the hammering at my door got even more frantic "What…" I checked the time 1:17 am. I scrambled out of the bed and walked to the door, looking through the peephole. Charles. My heart hammering in my chest.

"Open the door please, cara mia!" his voice hoarse.

"Charles? What are you doing here? At this time?" I whispered when I opened the door to let him in and he pulled me into a tight embrace.

"I hate it like this. When we’re separated! I don’t sleep well when you’re not next to me… I’m sorry that I woke you up but I just couldn’t stand being away from you for just one more minute…" Charles mumbled, his hot breath tickling my ear.

He looked tired, exhausted, something I noticed this morning as well.

"I just thought that after Singapore… you were clearly mad at me when I made that stupid joke…" I began and he cupped my cheeks.

"I know and I’m sorry. It was more that I had to wrap my head around this all for a moment and you were already joking about it… and I know that it’s just a coping mechanism… but in that moment? I thought about this little bean, our little bean, and it made me sad and hurt that you were happy that it’s gone, although I completely understood why you were relieved! And I fully support you! It’s just… I don’t know? I just needed a moment to get it all sorted out. I shouldn’t have snapped at you! I know that! And I’m so, so sorry that I did! But please understand me as well. And please don’t send me away. I don’t want to sleep without you ever again. It was horrible. I felt horrible. I need you by my side… especially here…" Charles almost whispered the last words and I realised how stupid and selfish I was.

"I’m so sorry Charles! I- I honestly didn’t even think about where we are… I just wanted to give you space and-…" I began but he silenced me with a kiss.

"I don’t ever want space from you, okay? Never. We talk. We find a solution. No one leaves." he leaned his forehead against mine "And can we please go to bed now? I’m so freaking tired…"

"Okay…" I whispered pulling him with me back into bed.

"I love you, Lizzie." Charles said after a while, holding me close to his body, his hand gently tracing my spine up and down.

"I love you too…" I tilted my head up and kissed his cheek "And I’m sorry for leaving you alone here-…"

"You don’t have to apologise, cara mia. I’m just happy to have you next to me again… it’s weird, but when you’re not next to me…"

"You can’t sleep well? It’s the same for me… I’m tossing and turning, but I don’t really sleep…" I whispered and he nodded.

"Yeah… I mean when I’m in Maranello alone, I can sleep because we talk before I go to bed? But this? When we don’t talk? I hate it…" he kissed the crown of my head "But you have to believe me, Lizzie, I wasn’t mad at you, never, okay? I just… I don’t know. The doctor said that there was a baby. Our baby. And suddenly all I ever dreamed of having was just right there in front of me… and in my mind, hearing you say that you were relieved was like saying you don’t want this. Us. I know it’s not the truth! But sometimes my mind plays these kinda tricks on me and I need a moment to sort it all out in my head. But there was not one second where I was mad at you. If I was mad, then at the situation. But nothing else, okay?"

I nodded. Wiping away a stray tear.

"We’re going to be fine. It’s all going to be okay, cara mia. You and me against the world." another kiss on my head "And now we really should sleep. We have quali today. And I don’t know about you, but I really want to wipe away that grin of some certain people’s faces…"

"Yeah… me too."

"Ryan Andrew’s, CBS. Lizzie after your crash in Singapore you seemed to be a little off the whole weekend in Japan, was the crash worse than it looked like? Was it potentially not a good idea to race?"

"Of course I still felt the crash in my bones. It was a high speed corner where I crashed out. But I was and am alright. The result in Japan had nothing to do with the crash." I lied, feeling Charles eyes on me.

"Kelly Johnson, BBC Sports. Charles, in Japan the Ferrari’s looked quite strong, after Singapore another good race for your team. Do you think you can repeat that performance this weekend?" the blonde reporter in the first row asked him.

"Yeah we did quite good, we seem to understand the car better now, so I’m hoping to see some better results in the next races."

"Michael Breitner. Auto, Motor, Sport. Question for Charles. Many people expected your contract renewal to be announced in Monza… that was now two races ago. Are the contract negotiations still going on?"

"To be honest I can’t tell you much about that. Because there is not much to say at the moment. I’m focusing on this season. Then the next season. My contractual situation is not really on my mind." Charles answered with a smile and I knew how hard it must’ve been for him to sit there and look like he was believing his own words, when inside it was killing him to not know what was going on.

"Is it possible that we might see you in a different team after next year?"

"I don’t know. In Formula 1 everything is possible as we know. Everyone knows how much I love my team and that I want to win the championship with them. But at the end of the day I just want to drive and if not at Ferrari then at any other team that believes in me. But for now I can’t talk about things this far in the future when I don’t know about them myself…"

A murmur went through the room, the heads of Max, Lewis and Nico snapping to look at Charles. To say that no one expected this answer was the understatement of the year.

"To make this clear, you do think of the possibility of leaving Ferrari for another team?"

"No. I’m not thinking of leaving Ferrari. I’m saying that if Ferrari doesn’t renew my contract, then I will look for another option." the smile he forced out looked almost painful and when the press conference was over and we left, I pulled Charles with me.

"They’re persistent, no?" he chuckled bitterly and I hugged him, massaged his scalp.

"Don’t listen to their questions. They just want to get a reaction out of you." I whispered "You will get your seat. Preferably at Ferrari, I know, but at the end of the day, seat is seat, okay?"

"Yeah… you’re right."

"Now come on. Let’s finish up and then cool down in our huge bathtub…" I kissed his cheek and pulled away, before he pulled me back in and kissed me tenderly.

"Better?" I laughed when he let go of me.

"Better."

I stopped the car and switched everything off, leaning my head back. Worst race ever. I opened up the visor, hoping for some cold and fresh air to stream in just to be greeted with the searing hot air of Qatar. I was never this happy that a race weekend was over. After taking a few shallow breaths, I tried to get out of the car. The struggle was real. My knees were wobbly. I clipped out the steering wheel and put it on the hood of my car, trying to pull myself up but failed miserably.

"Come here, cara mia." I heard Charles faint voice and looked up. He gently grabbed me by the waist, pulling me out of the cockpit, then sat me down on the halo, clipping my steering wheel back in place.

"Thank you, Charlie." I whispered, fighting with the straps of my helmet.

"Let me…" he said, unbuckling the clasp, pulling my helmet off "Hey pretty girl." he pulled my balaclava off next, wiping my sweaty hair out of my face.

"Hot. So freaking hot." I pressed out, pushing off of the halo, trying to cautiously slip off and take a first step, just to be caught by Charles "Fuck." I breathed out.

"You’re done…" he said, picking me up, holding me tight. He carried me bridal style into the cold hospitality, sitting me down on the floor "You’re totally overheated, Lizzie."

"My water was gone after the first couple of minutes already." I whispered, leaning my head against the cold wall.

"Here." Andrea appeared next to us, handing me a water bottle.

"I can’t. Need to go to weighing first." my voice barely above a whisper.

"It’s okay…" I heard an F1 official say and Charles unscrewed the cap of the bottle, holding it to my mouth, the moment the cold water streamed down my throat I let out a quiet moan.

"Stop making these noises for everyone to hear… only I’m allowed to hear that…" he chuckled underneath his breath and I managed a little smirk.

"Sorry…" I whispered "Is everyone okay? I’m not the only one who’s this done, or am I?"

"You’re definitely not." Pierre sank down next to leaning his head against the cold wall "Almost everyone is done for."

"Can we please never race here again." I sighed a little.

"Yeah… I would vote against it as well." Pierre whispered, his head on my shoulder.

"Me too." George plopped down on the floor in front of us, shuffling down his race suit "That’s just too much heat."

"Well… as director of the GPDA, take matters into your hands." I chuckled and he laughed.

"Later. For now I just need a moment to cool down."

"Same, same."

The room felt warm and welcoming, the yellow walls washing a sense of calm over me, only the smell of the disinfection spray didn’t fit in. When the door opened Charles squeezed my hand and smiled at me.

"Miss Doetterer. I only have good news for you. The tissue passed completely. Your blood values look good, same for everything else. Light bleeding or spotting in the next 2-3 weeks are normal, nothing to worry about." Dr. Bernard said.

"So it’s all good?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yes. It’s all good." he repeated and I took a deep breath in.

"Thanks, Dr. Bernard." Charles shook his hand and I did the same.

"I think that’s it for today. There’s only one thing left to say for me. Good luck in Mexico." Dr. Bernard smiled and we nodded, leaving his office.

"I’d say let’s grab something to eat and then head home, the car will pick us up pretty damn early." Charles opened the door for me and I slipped in "What do you want to eat?"

"I would love a pizza…" I mumbled and he chuckled.

"Pizza it is. I’m not telling JK if you’re not telling Andrea."

"That sounds like a deal!" I leaned back and watched the busy streets of Monaco, all the young families with their babies in the most beautiful and stylish strollers "I never noticed how many babies there are in Monaco." I almost whispered and Charles took my hand in his.

"One day, cara mia. Don’t worry… the time for our little family starting to grow will come." he kissed the back of my hand and I turned a little, looking at him "There’s still enough time. Maybe enough for the both of us to win a title."

"You will win a title sooner than later… me on the other hand? Not so sure, but I sure as hell keep trying."

"No no, our baby will have world champion parents." Charles sounded determined and I laughed.

"Our baby will have one definite world champion parent and one maybe world champion parent… let’s be realistic."

"I am!"

"Okay… whatever you say."

"But until then it’s quite a long way."

"The only way I’m caring about right now is the one to Antonio’s!" I pouted a little when my stomach grumbled.

"Got you. Less talking. More driving."

"Exactly." I laughed again.

"I’m just wondering… you get already really grumpy when you’re hungry just now… but when a tiny human is growing inside you?" Charles raised his eyebrows.

"Good that you’re a fast driver then…"

Chapter 40 - some of you have guessed it 😔 I really hope I could describe the feelings and it all as natural and real as possible… the chapter feels a little rushed towards the end, but I didn’t want to put too much in it… especially now that the triple header is right around the corner and A LOT is about to happen 👀

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

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Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru @shimmermotorsport @janeholt3 @kahhorri @18754389 @chiliwhore @hellowgoodbye @queensassybitchsworld @harrysdimple05 @skynel09

[red-airhead]

𝓹𝓸𝓿 | 𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓢𝓮𝓾𝓷𝓰𝓶𝓲𝓷 |

a sequel to 'She's In The Rain'.

I was talking about baby fever with @j-onedrabbles because I recently became an aunt and just thought about seungmin with baby fever during it- I'm squealing about it right now as I write this too-

word count - 3,242

genre - romance, fluff, smut (MINORS DNI!!!)

warnings - feminine terms, afab! reader, absolute love making, mentions of birth control, slow burn, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), oral ( m + f recieving), slight overstimulation, fingering, slight breeding kink(?), slight nipple play, seungmin is the best at aftercare, lots of baby fever, lmk if I missed anything

It had been 2 years since you had gotten with your best friend seungmin. 2 years since you’ve had a miscarriage and 2 years since Seungmin had decided he’d stay with you. 

You felt so grateful for someone as amazing as him. He’s been patient with you, he’s been caring to you, he’s treated you so amazingly, and for you it was hard to believe that someone like him had chosen someone like you.

You had told him a few weeks ago you were offering to take care of your friends 1 year old for a little while so she could go enjoy a night out with her husband. Seungmin was home during that time as well and it was hard for him to even focus on his work when he saw you with a baby in your arms. 

He could feel his heart melting watching you rock the baby back and forth, singing to him and making him laugh.

Was that where it started? Seungmin’s baby fever?

Shortly after you had finished taking care of the baby and giving him back to your friend, he started looking at baby pictures online. He fell down a rabbit hole that he wouldn’t be able to dig himself out of.

He’d watch videos for hours on end, and when you’d ask what he’d be doing, he’d lie and tell you that he was looking at one of the more recent recaps of his favorite baseball team. 

A few days after you had taken care of your friend's baby, you had gone to the store to go get food to cook for the next week or so, and Seungmin asked to tag along just to help. Shortly after you had gotten all of the food you needed, you both found yourselves in the baby section of the store, cooing at all the cute baby clothes as Seungmin watched you. He joined in at one point. He’d point out extra cute baby clothes that made you squeal with excitement.

He made a mental note to buy those later.

A few days before your guys’ date, he had been sending links to baby clothing, or videos of babies being absolutely adorable. You didn’t know what it was all about so you just brushed it off like it was nothing. 

During those few days, you found him hugging you from behind, pressing loving kisses on your shoulders, nape, behind your earlobe, anywhere he could. His hands resting underneath your extra baggy shirt, his thumb gently rubbing up and down as he continued to press kisses all over your skin.

You loved the affection, and you didn’t want it to end as it made your heart melt.

Two nights ago, you were snuggled up, binging a movie series you both enjoyed very much, and while you had both originally been super distracted by the movie, Seungmin soon found himself lifting your (his) shirt so he could press kisses on your stomach. The exact way he used to when you had your miscarriage two years ago.

You truly weren’t sure what made him do it, but you loved every ounce of it. You felt so blessed to have someone like him during those nights, and you couldn’t help but fall in love with him even more.

And up to now. You two had been on a romantic date, something that you guys did every month just because. You’d both dress up to go to a fancy restaurant. 

You’d wear a simple babydoll dress that Seungmin absolutely adored. He’d wear a button up matching the dress color with a pair of dress pants and dress shoes. It was normal for you two to have these kinds of dates, and he’d spoil you rotten those nights too.

You two had gotten home later that night, in a fit of giggles from something funny that Seungmin had said prior before entering the house. When he was closing the door and locking it all while taking his shoes off, you took the time to think about telling him what you had been wanting since this morning.

Once he turned around, he was surprised when you had gently held his biceps as you began to press kisses to the bare skin that was showing. He hummed from the sudden contact, and he definitely wasn’t complaining. He completely just brushed it off as you being clingy and it made him happy.

His hands would gently slide to rest on your waist, slowly slithering to connect behind your back. 

It wasn’t until you had begun suckling against his skin that made him pause, and quickly try to stop you. You two haven’t done it in almost a month or two because of being extra tired and busy, so he had no time to buy condoms. Of course you were on birth control but neither of you had done it raw yet.

“Hey– Baby– What’re you-”

“Seung.. Can we try?”

Seungmin would actually freeze for a moment, and he’d stare at you, wondering if you were kidding or not, and once he could tell, he quickly asked, “Are you sure? Aren’t you on birth control?”

“I stopped taking it about a week ago..” You responded, your hands gently resting on his chest as you looked up at him with that familiar want in your eyes.

“So you’re 100% serious about this?”

“Yes, I am.. Are you?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Is what he said before pressing your lips against his. He loved your kisses, and he felt like he could get addicted. 

He felt your arms around his neck before you pulled away from the kiss and quickly jumped so he could carry you. His hands resting on your bare thighs just made his mind spin. 

He stared at you for a little longer before carrying you to the bedroom. You had already begun sucking hickeys all over his neck. Making a complete mess of red and purple marks that were sure to stay for a while. It was hard for him to even focus on getting to the bedroom but he practically made it his mission. 

Once he had gotten to the room he opened the door and quickly kicked it shut when he had gotten into the room. He turned so he could sit on the bed with you on his lap. Shortly after sitting on the bed you had begun pressing passionate kisses to his lips. This made him melt as he felt your soft lips press such kisses on his lips.

His hands now removed from your thighs now go up to unzip the back of your dress. 

His tongue had asked for permission to invade your mouth, in which it happily obliged on opening. You had practically melted the moment the muscle came in contact with yours. Both of you passing spit back and forth but it wasn’t the worst you’d both be doing tonight. 

Your dress was soon discarded on the floor, now leaving you braless with your cotton panties. Oh how turned on was he that he knew you didn’t plan for this? It just made him even harder having that knowledge. 

Soon, your hips were grinding against his crotch, causing him to grunt. His hands were resting on your ass now, gently gripping on the soft flesh as he guided your hips.

You pulled away from the kiss for air, panting and feeling breathless as your forehead rested against his. HIs heart was pounding and all you two had been doing for the past 5 to 10 minutes was making out and grinding against each other. 

He had watched your hands slide down to unbutton his shirt to reveal his toned chest and abs. You loved that he had a sleeper build, something that you’d only get to see more than anyone. Not even his friends saw him shirtless that much and it was saying something.

You admired him for a little while longer just before his head dipped to your chest, feeling his lips wrap around one of your nipples. It made you gasp as you felt him suck and flick his tongue against it. Your hand went to the back of his head, a moan emitting from you when a hand went to go play and pinch at the other. 

Shortly after he had pulled away, pressing kisses all along your chest and collarbone as the same hand that was playing with your nipples went to your underwear. He felt the wet patch, and it made him smirk.

“Already? Are you that turned on?” He muttered against your skin, now laying you down on the bed so he could start kissing down your body. He left a good couple of hickeys on the way down as you watched him.

“A girl can’t be turned on from the attention of her boyfriend?” You hummed out, feeling his lips press kisses on your inner thighs as his fingers teased your clothed clit. One of your hands went to his hair, gently pushing it back as he looked up at you with lustful eyes.

“Hm, you can, but I wasn’t expecting you to be this turned on.” He muttered against your skin before pulling away from your thighs as his fingers hooked around the waistband of your panties, now pulling them off of your body. 

Fuck, your pussy was glistening, and he had to resist from going down on you immediately. He tossed your underwear to the side, hands gently gliding on the outside part of your thighs before hooking around the front of it. You watched his every move, and when you felt his hot breath hitting your folds, it made you clench around nothing.

He grunted from the sight, and the feeling of your fingers tangling into his hair didn’t make it any better. One hand left your thighs, that same finger teasing at your clit again. He lightly pushed your folds open as he stared at you a little longer. Those fingers retreated so he could lick a long and agonizingly slow strip from your hole up to your clit, flicking his tongue lightly as he watched you shutter and convulse from the feeling.

“Fuck, you’re so hot..” He muttered, his middle and ring finger going into his mouth so he could use his spit as lube. They'd soon be released as they’d rub against your folds for a little longer.

He could hear you whimper, knowing how badly you wanted it. He was amused from the way you started clenching around nothing again.

“Minnie please– I want it so bad-”

“Just because you said please.” He hummed out, now pushing one finger into your warm walls. This caused you to release a suppressed moan as you shuddered. He could feel you clench around his singular digit inside of your pussy, and the way it was so warm made his dick twitch in his pants. 

He fucked the single digit inside of you for a minute or two before pushing the second one in, causing you to gasp and whine.

He knew you loved this, and he loved watching you. He slowly thrusted the two digits in and out of your dripping cunt as he watched you throw your head back when he began curling his fingers into the right spot. 

Your moans sound heavenly, and he wanted more.

His lips soon closed around your slightly swollen clit, sucking and flicking his tongue against the sensitive bud as you began moaning louder. He wanted to be absolutely ruthless with you, but it was a special night and he couldn’t do that to you. 

This continued a little longer, with his tongue against your clit and his fingers pushing and curling deep inside you. 

“Min– Please- ‘M gonna cum..!” You managed out, hands gripping against his hair as you began to squirm. Oh he was so excited to lap up all of your release. He could feel you clench around his fingers hard and it made him drool in just the slightest. 

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you released, thighs clenching around his head as you whined, whimpered, and moaned over and over.

But he didn’t stop there. He helped you ride out your high, and even after he had started to overstimulate you,

“W-Wait Min! Fuckfuckfuck please! I can’t-” 

And he stopped, panting as he removed his fingers from your dripping hole, licking up all of the release he could before sliding up to press a kiss to your lips. You could taste yourself and it just made you even more eager than before.

Your hands left his hair before they went to his pants, quickly taking off his belt before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, pulling them down with his boxers immediately. He quickly kicked them off before you had sat up and flipped the both of you around. 

He was now laying against the bed, staring at you with love and lust filled in his eyes. You soon began kissing down his body, hands following along before they reached his hard cock.

You admired how red and teased out his tip was, pre-cum already leaking out in beads. Your hand pressed on the front of it before your tongue licked a long strip up to his tip on the underside of his cock, tasting the salty pre-cum on your tongue. 

He let out a heavy sigh, eyes closing as his head tipped back. You watched him with big doe eyes, tongue now resting on his tip before lightly tapping it on your tongue. He looked back down at you and nearly moaned at the sight.

“Fuck you’re so pretty.. Keep looking at me like that gorgeous…” He muttered, hands gently resting on your cheek before he watched your lips wrap around his tip, just before slowly inching down on him. 

He fucking whimpered from the feeling and from the sight. He fucking whimpered.

You had reached his abdomen shortly after, your nose pressed against it as he reached in your throat. You retreated a few seconds after to get a deep breath before you started to give him what would be one of the most heavenly blowjobs he’s gotten.

“Oh my go– Baby.. Holy shit-” He gasped out, eyes rolling as his hands got tangled in your hair. He didn’t want to finish in your mouth though, and you knew that.

You teased him through the entire blowjob. Pulling away when you even felt the smallest twitch. Soon he couldn’t hold himself back, pulling you off of his cock before turning the both of you again so you were laying on your back. 

You looked at him with love in your eyes, a smile falling onto your lips as he pressed a kiss on your forehead, and then to your nose.

“Are you ready?”

“I’m always ready for you Min..”

He positioned himself at your entrance, rubbing against your folds before pushing into you and bottoming out.

He stayed still for a little while, feeling you clench around him with your warm and wet walls made him twitch. You had a light hold on the sheets as you adjusted to his length.

It felt so good to the both of you. Neither of you could believe that this moment was happening.

“You can move Min..” You muttered, looking at him who had seemed out of breath.

“I know, you just feel so good right now..” He muttered out. It had been a few moments later that he actually began to slowly thrust in and out of you. You let out a soft moan almost immediately, hands going from the sheets to his forearms. 

You could hear Seungmin’s heavy breathing as he slowly pushed in and out of you. You were on a whole other world right now, and he knew that. 

“Fuck that feels so good.. Why did we wait so long to do this raw..” He muttered out, hands now going to your hips as he shifted his position a little bit, your hands now going to the sheets again. 

It wasn’t long before he began to pick up the pace, and it made you gasp and let out a broken moan. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your back slightly arched off the bed. 

And Fuck weren’t you a sight. He sucked in his bottom lip as he watched and listened to you moan. Eyes scrunched as he drilled into you. This only made him more desperate as he began thrusting a little harder than before.

You whimpered and moaned louder when he hit your favorite spot. That spot made you weak, and he knew that.

“Is it right there? Is that your favorite spot?”

“Fu-Fuck! Yes ohmygod–!” You managed, eyes watering. You weren’t even close to release and you felt like you were on cloud nine.

Maybe it felt a little different because this time your sex had a new meaning, but that was beside the point, because he knew that you were feeling good and he loved it.

“You like it? Want me to touch you here?” He asked as his thumb went to your clit. An even louder moan escaped from you when he had begun rubbing fast against it. You had whined as well. He could feel you clench against him and it made him just get faster.

“Yesyes! Minnie oh my god..! Fuck I’m gonna cum-” You whimpered. You felt so close, and you knew he was too. It was so unbelievable how just a few moments ago you thought you weren’t even close, but with the knot tightening and getting ready to become undone said otherwise.

“Gonna cum? Cum around my cock for me baby, paint me with your release..” He moaned out, plowing into you like no tomorrow.

“Fuck ‘m gonna cum- Minnie cum in me, breed me please baby–” You had wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him close, and not even moments after your nails had started digging into his shoulders.

His thumb only rubbed faster as he began to chase his release, “Cum with me baby.. Please..”

You had gasped when he hit that spot again, your body quivering and convulsing as you hit your orgasm hard. It wasn’t moments after that Seungmin had released deep inside of you, hands gripping on your hips tight as he held you against him, grunts and moans pushing past his lips. 

You two stayed like that for a little while before you felt him pull out and leave to go get a wet towel to clean you up. You laid there with a satisfied smile on your face. 

“You did so well baby, you’re so good to me..” Seungmin muttered, pressing kisses against your skin as he cleaned you off. He grabbed a change of underwear and comfortable clothes, more specifically his shirt with a pair of your sleep shorts. He tucked you into the covers before putting on clothes of his own, then walked out to the kitchen to get you a glass of water with snacks that you enjoyed so much. 

Once he had gotten in bed, you snuggled up against him, and you found his hands against your stomach almost immediately.

“I’m gonna go out tomorrow, and I’m gonna buy pregnancy tests, and if it doesn't work I’ll keep going until you get a positive test..”

“You’re so sweet Minnie..”

“You’re sweeter..”

[kelcemenow]

Win Or Lose - Chapter 4.

Pairing Travis Kelce x Reader

Words 1774

Warnings Angst, strong language, mentions of pregnancy and miscarriage.

This was a very detailed Anon request that I received and knew I had to give it a go! (I’ll not paste the whole request here as I usually do, as it was rather long but if you want to read it, it’s here. Be warned, it’s rather full of spoilers!)

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

You stared up at the ceiling, the only sound being your quiet breaths. You were physically exhausted, emotionally and mentally drained, having stayed at the hospital overnight. You were happy to be back in your own bed and away from people but you felt numb and empty, missing something that you hadn't even had yet.

Travis' voice grew louder, "Thanks coach...yeah. I don't know...I...I'll let you know. I don't want to rush anything you know? It's...it's okay. Thank you." You could hear a crack in his voice as he spoke, "I will, thank you again."

You blinked, not moving in your bed as Travis slowly opened the door. He tiptoed around to your side, assuming you were asleep but when he saw your eyes were open, he smiled and took your hand in his.

"Coach Reid sends his love. Said I can take as much time off as we need."

"That's good." You said plainly.

Travis reached and stroked your hair, "Baby, I'm so sorry."

"Why? It's not your fault. It's no ones fault, that's what Doctor Tomlin said...these things happen." Your eyes moistened as you spoke, a tremble creeping towards the end of the sentence.

Travis lowered his eyebrows at you, feeling helpless.

You peeled away the blanket that was draped across you, "Come in here with me."

You watched your husbands face soften and he exhaled quickly, crawling into bed with you and curling up. You shuffled in bed and wrapped your arms around him, his back pressing into your chest.

"I am so lucky to have you. I don't think I could've gone through any of this without you."

"No, baby, no. I'm the lucky one. You're so brave and strong. Sienna would've..." Travis trailed off as his voice shook.

You could feel his shoulders shake as you held him tight, "Shhh, baby. It's okay, I'm here."

He grasped at your hands, clinging firmly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're the one who had to go through it all, you know...having-"

"She was...is your daughter too. This is happening to both of us, we're a team remember?"

Travis sniffed loudly before taking a deep but shaking breath. He gave your hand a squeeze and brought it up to his lips, pressing a kiss on your knuckles. You reciprocated the gesture, instead kissing the back of his shoulder.

"You have been amazing, Travis. So truly amazing."

Even though he was facing away from you, you knew he would be smiling at your comment.

"We can get through this."

______________________________________________________________

Travis knocked gently on the ajar bedroom door, careful not to wake you if you were sleeping.

"Yeah?" You croaked.

His head poked through the small gap, a soft smile on his face, "Hey beautiful. Do you fancy coming and chilling on the couch with me?"

You continued to scroll through your phone, "Yeah, I'll be there in a minute."

Suddenly, Andy Reid's face flashed onto the screen in your hand.

"We noticed that Travis Kelce wasn't in attendance at yesterday's or today's practice, why is that?" A reporter asked from off-screen.

Andy pursed his lips for a second, "Travis is taking a rest at the moment, that's all."

"Is he injured?" Another reporter questioned.

Andy shook his head, "No, no. He's fine, there's no injury, he's just...taking some time."

The journalists chattered amongst themselves and one voice shouted over the top of the noise, "Will he be playing this Sunday's game?"

"That will be a game time decision."

You swiped the video away and cleared your throat, "I think you should play on Sunday."

Travis stepped towards you, "What? Are you crazy? I need to be here with you."

"Baby, I'm okay. I'll curl up on the couch and watch from here. It's a home game, so you'll be back soon after. Right?"

Travis nervously ran his hands through his beard, "I don't want to leave you."

You smiled and pointed in the general direction of Arrowhead Stadium, "You're going to be 15 minutes away. I'll be fine here, don't worry."

Travis closed his eyes, "I don't think I can do it."

You carefully climbed out of bed and reached out, grabbing his shoulders, "Yes you can, baby. You're the strongest, fiercest and most dedicated man I know. We might be a team, but you have another team that need you."

Travis met your gaze and nodded his head.

You smiled, "So, it's decided then."

______________________________________________________________

You clung to the blanket that you had become attached to, your knuckles almost turning white. The large TV above the fireplace blasted the stadium noise as various players flashed on the screen.

You reached across the couch to grab your mug of hot tea when Travis' name was mentioned.

"...Travis Kelce is down at the side-lines, reports of him missing some practice's have been circulating with no information as to why, but Andy Reid did say recently that it would be a game-time decision if Kelce was to play at all today. Rumours of an injury or illness have been heard, but there has still not been any confirmation. So, we don't know the reason as to why he was absent but the fans here are just glad to see him at all..."

You felt a stab of guilt in your stomach, a stinging reminder of your situation. You placed your fingers on your temples and stared up at the screen, still showing your husband stretching and warming up. He looked distracted and nervous, awkwardly talking to Patrick occasionally, his eyes fluttering around the stadium.

Taking a deep breath, you sipped your tea and watched as the game began with the Chiefs receiving the ball. Travis sat out of the first two plays and remained on the bench, his left leg twitching and bouncing. He watched the action of the field, fiddling with his gloves and occasionally holding his head in his hands. Eventually, you saw him stand up, jumping on the spot a few times and shaking his shoulders. He nodded towards Patrick and as he passed Coach Reid, Andy patted his back. You smiled softly, safe in the knowledge that he had support around him.

You felt nervous as you watched him on the field. He was playing consistently well, catching the ball and gaining yards often. But in-between plays, you could see that he was appearing distant.

Although the Chiefs had a solid start, by half-time they were 5 points down. The analysts were commenting on Travis' missed practices and implying that was a possible reason for the slow start. You sighed and shook your head.

"I don't know James, Travis is looking tired and although he is yet to make a mistake, if he continues with this distraction, it might not be long before he does."

You lowered your eyebrows and threw your fist down on the cushion beside you, "Shut the fuck up, Phil Simms."

As the second half got under way, Travis began to lose his concentration and seemed to fade into the background of the game. Usually, Patrick would throw the ball to Travis often, knowing he would get the yards and most importantly, the points. But today, it seemed Patrick was avoiding throwing to him, aware of his hindrance.

You chewed at your nails as you noticed the pair talking at the side-lines. Travis' hands were waving wildly and his face appeared almost frustrated. Patrick was shaking his head and placing his hand on Travis' shoulder, you assumed in an effort to console him. You could feel your eyes stinging due to your lack of blinking but you couldn't pry your eyes away from the screen. Eventually Travis gave up the fight and slumped back down onto the bench.

You lowered your head, feeling a slight relief that he was getting more rests than usual, but upset that he wasn't getting to play the game how he usually loved to.

The Chiefs managed to claw back some of the loss but the Raiders were very good to make sure the ball was rarely in the hands of a Chief. Your worries grew with each interception and fumble. You paced the room as the fourth and final quarter began, nervously wringing your hands.

As you reached down to pick up your mug from the coffee table, you accidently knocked a small piles of magazines onto the floor. Rolling your eyes, you knelt down to pick them up, your eyes settling on a grainy, black and white photo that was in amongst them.

A lump formed in your throat instantly. It was your last scan photo. Your eyes slowly gazed over the image in your hands, your fingers gently caressing the blurred shapes. You stared at the photograph, your mind reverting back to all of the plans you and Travis had made, the dreams you had for your daughter and the ideas you had thought of.

You blinked your eyes, releasing a single tear down onto your cheek. You quickly wiped it away and placed the magazines and photograph back onto the coffee table, sniffing and clearing your throat when you noticed Travis crouching into his position, ready for a play.

You clasped your hands together and held them at your chest, "Oh please baby. Come on."

The clock was running down and the Chiefs needed points on the board to win. As Creed snapped the ball, Patrick wasted no time in looking for Travis whose feet were pounding down the field. The ball landed with ease in Travis' arms and he continued to speed towards the end-zone. Your jaw dropped open and tears fell down your cheeks as you saw the determination and tenacity that you had always admired in him.

Your eyes flew around the TV screen wildly, noting that he had almost reached the end-zone, "Yes baby! Yes, keep going!" You screamed in between sobs.

The volume of the crowd increased as his feet crossed the white goal line. He stood still for a second before dropping to the floor, the ball still cradled safely in his arms. Your hands flew to your cheeks as you watched a hunched Travis break down into tears, his shoulders shaking. His teammates were sprinting across the grass and Patrick knelt down, wrapping his arms around him into a tight hug. You cried, seeing how supported Travis was by his team, but also because of how proud you were of his bravery.

The final whistle blew to signal the end of the game and the crowds adorned in red and gold went wild. Travis was still on his knees, feeling the bittersweet sensation of his win, and his loss.

______________________________________________________________

I have to be honest, a sad angsty ending isn't usually my style so I really struggled with this one. To the point where I'm not 100% happy with this chapter but that is probably just me being a perfectionist. This request was a difficult one and I was super nervous about it but all of your comments have been amazing! I have more requests to work through but I have some busy days ahead. I'll get onto writing them as soon as I can. Drop me a message or comment below if you want to be added to my Taglist.

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[armpirate]

The Only One || JJK || Ch. 34

Pairings: mafia!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, mafia, contract relationship

Warnings: Prostitution, torture, blood, use of drugs and weapons

Summary: You've always wished for a better life. Every single day at work, you were hoping something would change. Although you didn't think that change would come in the form of one mysterious man and a contract.

His controlling and selfish behaviour only wanted to keep you away from any other man that wasn't him, and you only had to wait for him.

Too bad you really thought you'd be smarter than Jeon Jungkook.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Aprox. time of reading: 12 minutes

Chapter warnings: angst, triggering content, unexpected pregnancy, miscarriage, mention of abuse and prostitution

Jungkook was staring down at the files Sanhyuk presented him, he looked through every single picture in hopes to find the slightest sign of photoshop in them, he tried to find explanations to all the information that was gathered about the last three months, and how his father started moving as soon as Y/n came into the picture, using a fake name not to be caught. His fist clenched when he saw the several accords and deals Pedro had made with a new person out of nowhere, who was also from South Korea.

But the only thing that exposed him was that particular threat that only he used. He used it whenever he wanted to take revenge on someone who worked for him, or someone else from a different family. That was why most of the leads kept their significant others private, unless they knew it was serious enough to be unable to hide them. One of the men who sent it to Namjoon's apartment was the same person who was his father's closest bodyguard back in the day.

The information in those files went even further. There was no medical data on his father's death, but there was a report of a body going missing from the morgue a day before he was supposedly buried. Trying to confirm whether his father was the one in that coffin, Sanhyuk's men checked his grave, only to find a body that didn't belong to the leader of the old Bangtan, but a homeless man that died due to an overdose.

He had all the signs, he had all the proofs, but he still wanted to find an excuse, an explanation as to why Sanhyuk was probably playing with him and sending him to a trap.

—Mr. Jeon is alive? —Jin's shaky voice sounded over the speaker.

—How's that no one has seen him? —Yoongi asked later.

—And how the fuck did he get any information from Jungkook or Y/n? Someone's definitely working with him right now —Hoseok mentioned.

—It makes no sense —Taehyung interrupted them—. He was killed in front of you. Right, Jungkook?

But he was still focused on all the pieces he needed to tie together. Too focused on that to care about the conversation the members were having.

—Jungkook? —Hoseok tried to get the youngest's attention.

—I need to go to Spain —he muttered.

Namjoon sighed at that comment, knowing there would be no way to convince him to do the opposite. The rest of the members looked at their respective screens, hoping Jungkook would be back to his senses after a few seconds. But when he raised his eyes from the pile of papers and looked up at the big TV, the confidence that radiated through them told them everything they needed to know at that moment.

—You aren't sure Y/n is not okay —Namjoon tried to bring some peace into his head.

—The men that were reported to be around her by Chul were working for our family until my father died. Then, suddenly, they disappeared, and came back again exactly where she is. Do you want to call that a coincidence? —Jungkook blew— Y/n hasn't called in a whole day, and she isn't answering my calls either. And you want me to think she is okay? We don't even have news about Chul.

Jimin was awfully silent when his name dropped for a second time, gulping thick before all the eyes from the people in the video call landed on him.

—Chul was found dead in the truck of his car when I sent a group to check on him. That's why his location hasn't changed in the past twenty eight hours.

Namjoon sighed deeply with that new information, closing his eyes for a brief moment before his eyes met Jungkoko's over the screen.

—I can't stay here without doing anything —Jungkook commented.

—Let's work intelligently, then —Namjoon supported him.

Jungkook bit his lower lip, hiding his lip ring in his mouth while he looked down at the files, trying to get an idea of what he should do next.

—It'll take me half a day to get there —he sighed—. Jimin, you're only half an hour by plane.

—You expect me to mess with your father by myself? —the blond opened his eyes wide, before a smirk showed on his face— I love that. I'll put my people here to work. You mentioned Pedro has been meeting with him these months, so we'll work through him.

Jungkook nodded, looking at the rest of the members whose expressions were serious on that big screen.

—To the rest, just watch your backs. If he went to the lengths of doing this to Y/n, I can't imagine what he'll plan to do if he ever knows you helped me to get her out of there.

—We'll try to. But you're the one who needs to be the most careful —Yoongi reminded him—. Your father was known to be merciless, it didn't matter who it was.

What Jeon Jungho didn't know was that Jungkook could be even more dangerous than him, especially when it came to Y/n and her safety.

—I guess this means a change of plans? —Namjoon raised his eyebrow.

—Forget about the plan B we talked about.

Before, his plan B was running away with Y/n, retiring away from everything that could ever hurt her or damage her to give her the better life he had always promised. But there was no room for that plan anymore, not while his father was still alive and looking for the minimum chance to hurt them and erase them.

✸ ✸ ✸

Y/n felt cramps on the upper part of her arms, wishing there would be away to let go of the cables -although they were tied so tight around her wrists, that at some point they started feeling cold and numb, until she changed her position again, lifting them over her head so her wrists wouldn't be hanging on the material.

While being surrounded by the darkness, that cold gaze Jungkook's father gave her made her genuinely aware of how close her life was to ending. She had been pulling the buttons of fate for way too long, and that was the death sentence she was handed.

Sitting there, not feeling the lower half of her body because of staying in the same posture while laying in the cold ground, she thought of all the decisions she took before life got too complicated for her to survive.

She saw the pregnancy test she had taken only fifteen minutes before, staring at it as if that would change the result, as if that would change the fact that she was indeed pregnant when her life was just getting started.

Wrapping it in paper, she tried to hide the test, before she threw it in the small trash bin in her bathroom.

She was fucked. She was about to ruin all the plans her parents had for her. And that made her even more scared of their reaction.

The sound of the slap against her cheek deafened her while she fell to the ground, holding her burning cheek as if that would ease the pain, while her mother just looked at her as if she was one grotesque creature. Her father just looked at them, unable to defend her, not wanting to get in between them because, deep inside, he agreed with all the words that his wife was dedicating to their daughter. "How the hell are you not even thinking of an abortion? Do you have any idea what a baby would mean?".

And she knew, it scared her to know that another human being was growing inside of her, it scared her to know that she had two options, but she wasn't sure of the decision she wanted to take.

But the hesitation and doubt would pay her a heavy consequence the next day, while she made her way back home from high school and was unable to slip her key towards the door of the entrance. And it was when she looked at the right, that she was aware of a bag with all of her things inside. They weren't willing to give her support, they weren't willing to give her a roof to live under anymore. They didn't even give her the chance to say goodbye properly before they kicked her ass away. Hell. She wasn't even able to kick the main door, because the closed wall was keeping her from doing so. She cried, she begged, she fought with the door, but the only response she got was silence.

The same silence that received her when she went to Lucas' place, and the first thing that she received was rejection. Treated as if that baby was only hers, as if she had been the only one to blame for what happened. "The last thing I want is problems" his mother muttered, holding her clothes tight on a fist before she closed the door on her face.

She learned to live alone, more like she was forced to get herself out there and do something for a living. For her, for her future and the baby that was growing in her guts. She wasn't sure she wanted to have it, but it turned into the only thing that made her look forward into the future, that made her hopeful about what was ahead of her after all the darkness.

At least, until the third month. The pain on her back and lower belly almost made it impossible for her to go to work. She was barely able to stand straight without being forced to shrink. All her hope was gone when she saw all the blood, everything she was hopeful for was disappearing without her being able to stop it. She just saw it all unfold, falling to her knees and crying out loud while she hoped all of it was just a nightmare or an illusion that tiredness was playing in her mind.

She knew it wasn't.

She wasn't even able to mourn her loss properly, getting ready for work on the same day after cleaning up herself and ignoring the pain.

A few days later, her condition only got worse. And she thought that maybe it was due to the lack of sleep and the way she cried to sleep.

She didn't notice her skin was burning, her sight was blurrier with every minute that went by and her heart rate was so fast that it seemed she was close to collapse.

And she did.

She lost consciousness walking back to the small room she rented, in the middle of the rain. She was hopeful death was taking her finally, praying she'd be able to rest before her eyes closed slowly.

A few days later, she woke up in a hospital, while an old man was looking at her with a clear look that radiated concern. And that was by her side when she was told the miscarriage caused an infection that could've ended her life if it hadn't been for him. Just like the doctor said that, she added the impossibility of being able to have kids after the damage her uterus had suffered over the infection. But Y/n just took that information as if it was nothing, completely impassive over the situation. She wasn't expecting any good news, she wasn't expecting things to work the way she liked, and she knew there would be no way to change it. So she just reacted in the most heartless way she could.

Jorge looked after her although he didn't have to, he gave her a home and a proper job in his stationery although he had no compromise of responsibility with her. He did it naturally, and just that way he created a close bond with her, embracing her in his family, along with his small daughter that looked up to her as if she were her older sister.

Life was smiling back to her. But it was too good to be true.

Jorge had a heart attack out of nowhere that almost forced them to close the only income they had at that moment. And it was only when she was forced to take over all his responsibilities, that she was aware of all the debts and loans notices that were close to expire, and that she knew would only end up wrongly for all of them. She worked two jobs, but even then she wasn't able to get enough money to pay the bills and cover the debt.

Easy money was more difficult to find than she thought. Especially when she had to cover such a high quantity. One of the women that worked for the lender advised her to go to a club in one of the most expensive areas of Mallorca, assuring her she'd be able to get the money there.

The man in charge of that place smiled big when she explained her situation. Maybe she shouldn't have shown herself so desperate, maybe she shouldn't have begged for the money, but Jorge's life was more important than her pride in that moment. She owed it to him.

Pedro ignored her sobs when he made her strip in front of him to approve her for the job, and made her feel like an object for the first time when he looked away while she kneeled in front of him to suck him off like he asked her to.

He tied her to a debt she probably would have to pay for for the rest of her life in that place.

Everyday, the reflection she saw in the mirror of the club with the different outfits looked more unrealistic, as if she was seeing someone else and not herself every time she met her own eyes in the glass. Life turned into a thing she was forced to do, and she just went with the flow. Until she met Jungkook.

Maybe... Only maybe if she had taken better decisions in life, she wouldn't have been in that situation.

If she hadn't gotten pregnant at eighteen, her parents wouldn't have kicked her out of her home, her boyfriend wouldn't have broken up with her and she wouldn't have had to deal with such difficulties.

Maybe she didn't regret them that much. Maybe, only maybe, she was glad all of her decisions took her to him.

It was the second time she was face to face with Death, although she had never been so scared to die as she was in that moment. Not because of the idea of dying, but because she thought she wouldn't be able to properly say goodbye to the people she cared about. Once again, she disappeared from Jorge's and Carla's lives without saying a thing, and once again her chest was burning with pain at the idea of not being able to see Jungkook one last time to talk to him properly.

That idea terrified her, making her sob and breathe with difficulty, while her chest ached awfully. So focused in her own pain that she wasn't aware of a person breaking into the room she was in, until she felt the pressure on her wrists disappearing and the bag on her head being removed.

She didn't care who was in front of her. She just let her fist fly to their face, making them fall back to her side and setting the way free for her to run and escape.

The air got stuck in her lungs when a pair of arms stopped her, suddenly placing them on her chest and neck to keep her still. Again, she kicked his feet, she tried to move away, she battled against the person, hearing him huff and groan, before he spoke.

—Stay still, I'm on your side —but she still moved, trying to get away—. Shit, stop moving. You'll end up hurting yourself and Jungkook will kill me.

Her movements slowed down after his name dropped. It could easily be another trap, the man could be lying to her. Until she dared to look up over her shoulder, recognizing his face almost instantly.

He was there when Jungkook claimed her at the party. He was part of Bangtan, and he was there.

—I know, questions —he grabbed her arm by the elbow—. I'll explain it all in the car.

Getting to that place was easy, way too easy. Even if they had thrown breadcrumbs to guide their way to where they had her, they wouldn't have managed to find her as fast and easily as then.

Finding Pedro's car in front of the building was way too easy, to the point of making everything seem off since they stepped there. But that wasn't the moment to doubt the difficulty or guess what the test was. They all just needed to get out of there, and take her to the safe area that Jungkook told him to take her to. 

Taglist: @kaiparkerwifes @sheylamc @amy2006jones @allamericanuniverse @00frenchfries00 @massivelyfullenthusiast

[liaromancewriter]

Every Day

Premise: Cassie shows Ethan she’s ready to move past the miscarriage and look to the future.

Book: Open Heart (post series) Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Cassie Valentine) Rating/Category: Teen. Fluff. Words: 710

A/N: Submission for @choicesmonthlychallenge March prompt “Smile”. Using @choicesflashfics week 24, prompt 1 & 3 (in bold). I'm also using story starter prompts (no.9) from @creativepromptsforwriting for an anon request. Tagging for reblog to @creativepromptfills Latest art commission from the amazing Art by Ainna on Instagram!

She had made a promise to him that she would probably break today. Cassie Valentine knew her husband was worried about her despite her assertions that she was fine. But there was a reason why Ethan Ramsey had been one of the country’s top diagnosticians. Nothing got past him.

Ever since that fateful day last month, she had thrown herself into her work. Between her responsibilities as head of Edenbrook’s Diagnostics team and polishing up the manuscript for her book, she made sure every hour of every day was accounted for.

Anything to not have time to think about what she’d lost. The baby they had lost.

But she was so tired of being sad. It wasn’t her natural habitat.

The Cassie she knew enjoyed watching panda videos on Pictagram, dancing to a fun song with the love of her life even when he grumbled, and laughing. She missed the warmth of a good laugh.

So, today she was determined to get back to who she was. Being stubborn will get you nowhere, she told herself. It was time to look forward.

As Cassie poked inside the fridge, she pushed back the long sleeves of a blue shirt she’d borrowed from Ethan’s closet. It was her favorite color on him, harking back to their first meeting. Today, she wanted to be reminded of that. And everything they were to each other.

The first phase was cooking a lazy Sunday morning breakfast they could linger over. During the week, their respective duties at the hospital kept them busy. But from the beginning of their relationship, Sunday had been theirs to do whatever they wanted together.

The morning sun shone through the floor-to-ceiling windows, its rays brightening the kitchen. Music drifted from the Bluetooth speakers, the playlist set to shuffle. Cassie’s hips shimmied to the music as she plated bacon and eggs and carried the platter to the kitchen island.

She was pouring orange juice when Ethan’s hands slipped around her waist from behind. She leaned back against him, savoring the heat of his body surrounding her. Angling her head to give him access, she shivered as he trailed kisses down her neck.

“Good morning,” his deep voice rumbled, turning her to face him.

Cassie smiled up at Ethan, a familiar mischievous twinkle in her green eyes as she scanned his body from head to toe. His chest was bare; his dark blue sleep pants hung off his hips in a way that was entirely too appealing for words.

Her arms circled his shoulders, and she stretched on her toes to kiss his mouth, a soft brush of lips. He deepened the embrace, and his hands clutched her sides.

Cassie broke away first, whispering against his lips. “Thank you.”

When he quirked one eyebrow in confusion, she explained. “I know I haven’t been myself these last few weeks. I appreciate your patience despite the fact that it doesn’t come naturally to you. I love you even more for it.”

“You’re a mess. But you’re my mess,” Ethan quipped in such a deadpan manner that Cassie doubled over in laughter.

“I’ve missed that laugh,” he said wistfully.

Cassie stilled at the sentiment as much as the words. She reached for his hand and laced their fingers together.

“I’ve missed us,” she confessed. “I promise you that I’m going to work at being fine. We have each other, and that’s what matters.”

Ethan squeezed her hand in comfort, in acknowledgment, in love.

“Dance with me,” she said when the music on the speakers changed to something soft and romantic.

She held out her hand, and he took it, gracefully pulling her into his arms. Cassie looped one arm around his neck, and Ethan rested his hand on her lower back. He clasped her free hand and placed it on his shoulder, covering it with his.

And then they were dancing, their bodies rhythm perfectly matching the song. When he dipped her dramatically, his strong hand sweeping along her back, her joyous laughter bounced off the walls.

As they continued to dance around the kitchen, blue eyes locked with green, Cassie’s heart lifted at the thought of spending all her days with Ethan. Love like this was surely worth everything.

-----------------------

All Fics & Edits: @annfg8 @bluebelle08 @coffeeheartaddict2 @crazy-loca-blog @doriopenheart @genevievemd @headoverheelsforramsey @lucy-268 @jamespotterthefirst @jerzwriter @lady-calypso @mainstreetreader @takemyopenheart @potionsprefect @queencarb @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @socalwriterbee @tessa-liam @trappedinfanfiction

Submissions: @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Ethan & Cassie only: @cariantha @custaroonie @hopelessromantic1352 @mrs-ramsey

[fanfic-obsessed]

Fixing Little

This what if is not quite a fix-it as it fixes very little. What if, in those moments as Order 66 went live, the culmination of what was happening (the ‘betrayal’ of his men, Anakin’s bond going dark, the sheer amount of death he could feel) broke Obi Wan just a little further than in canon.  He didn’t go dark, though if he didn’t go dark then he may actually be incapable of it. But deep inside his soul, the part of him that can do what needs to be done for the galaxy just…shattered. 

He returns to Coruscant, sees the temple burning, and abjectly refuses to believe that Anakin did this. Full on denial, it must be someone else wearing Anakin's face (he tells himself that the technology already exists). He doesn’t say anything to Yoda, whom he fears will break the denial. 

He rationalizes that if someone is walking around disguised as Anakin, then Padme could be in Danger. They must have Anakin restrained somewhere (he can’t be dead, Obi Wan would know if he was dead), and she could be used as leverage. He goes to her. She has heard horrible rumors about what was happening, what Anakin had done. Obi Wan denies the rumors, convinces her that someone else must be using Anakin’s face and they needed to get her somewhere safe so she can’t be used against him.  She tries to argue back that they need to rescue Anakin.  Obi Wan tells her that  she and her Children have to be protected, that if they are to have any hope of reducing Anakin from whoever had him, they need to make sure that Anakin’s family could not be used as leverage.  They don’t know what is going on, just that it can't be safe for her/the kids.  In this conversation it comes out that the 212th had fired on him, that Cody had fired on him and he couldn’t deal with that right now. He admits that they had an understanding, they would explore their feelings for each other after the Clones were freed, that he was in love with Cody. He muses, with an almost manic hope, that they missed, that maybe shooting him off that cliff was the only way to protect him (In this universe it was not, it was a fluke).

They escape, fleeing into the Galaxy mere hours before a crowd of thugs (not even professional enough to be called mercenaries) sent by Palpatine to kill Padme and make it look like a Force User did it (to further tie Vader to Palpatine). One even audibly muses that all it would have taken was a specific hit to the stomach and they could have made it look like she had been force shoved into miscarriage and death.  Instead they knock a few things around and make everything look rifled through, thinking that would be enough. 

Vader returns two weeks later from Mufustar. He has killed the Separtist leadership, and has secretly adjusted the Chips in the Clones so that their loyalty was tied directly to him, not the Emperor (Anakin is many things but actually stupid is not one of them. He knows that Palpatine has betrayed his last few apprentices and wants insurance). He finds Padme missing and their home ransacked and is ready to blame the Jedi (Though he is not sure who survived and who didn’t), however unbeknownst to anyone, even Padme, he had planted a number of spycams in her apartment (Anakin justified it with making sure he could track her if she was ever abducted, but let’s be honest that is not what he was using for, as quick to jealousy as he was).

He watches the videos. Sees Obi Wan not only defends him, but puts Padme and their child’s safety over everything.  Hears how in love with Cody Obi Wan is (thus not likely to be lusting after Anakin’s wife). How broken up Obi Wan is over Cody trying to kill him. A switch is flipped for Anakin/Vader.  Before Obi Wan (if he still lived) was a Jedi, an enemy who might have abducted his wife. Now this was Anakin’s Obi Wan, who had chosen him over the Jedi.  It occurs to Anakin that even after agreeing to fall, he had continued to have visions of Padme’s death for a few days, but the last vision was the night before this video. This cements the fact that somehow Obi Wan had saved Padme. 

Then he gets to the second video, where the thugs break in. It is somehow clear that the Emperor had sent them to hurt or kill Padme and their child.  He memorizes the thugs faces (this is still very much Vader, these thugs are going to wish for death). 

Vader calls Commander Cody to him. In this universe the personalities and memories of the Clones are largely intact, the chips merely enforce that the Jedi are the ‘enemy’ instead of ‘ally’ and that anything that the chip labels ‘in charge’ says is correct (Each clone rationalizes the orders differently).  When Cody arrives he calls Vader ‘My Lord’. Vader cheerfully announces that Cody does not need to call Vader, My Lord. He would be one of the few who were privileged enough to call him Anakin when in private, Lord Vader or Sir when in public.  Vader announces to Cody that Obi Wan survived, that the 212th had missed. Before Cody can offer up any reasoning, but not before Vader feels a sharp spike of fear (Cody fears that the whole Battalion was about to be punished), Vader tells him that was a good thing because it turns out that Obi Wan Kenobi was not actually a traitor. When given the opportunity he chose not to betray Anakin, or Cody.

Vader has Cody watch the first video from Padme’s apartment. After it ends he is quiet for a moment, then asks if Anakin knows where they are. Anakin does not, he says that in the chaos of the Empire rising, it was clear that they did not know who to trust and so are hiding for Padme and Obi Wan’s safety. Vader reiterates that he and Cody needed to make it safe for them to come home. He also tells Cody not to feel guilty for shooting at Obi Wan, that it was likely even Obi Wan didn’t know he wouldn’t betray them all at the word of the Jedi.   

Vader had been planning on sending the 212th out to hunt the remaining Jedi, but he would need them for something even more dangerous. He then shows Cody the second video. Vader tells Cody that the Emperor is the reason that Padme and Obi Wan are not safe to come back, to come home. Cody thinks about it for a few minutes and says that Fox told him slugthrowers are particularly effective against Force Users. Vader claps him on the back and says ‘good man’.  Slug throwers are rare enough that they are only able to outfit three platoons with them. Those three take point when the 212th, backed by the Coruscant Guard storms the newly appointed imperial Senate. 

After killing the Emperor, Vader considers who should lead the Empire.  He knows that he does not want to be Emperor, all he wants is his family.  He knows it’s not safe enough for Padme or Obi Wan to be in charge, and making Cody in charge might take time away from him being with Obi Way (As far as he is concerned Cody is practically already his in-law, emphasis on the his). Cody suggests Commander Fox, remembering that he was practically running the republic. 

Fox is collected and agrees on a few conditions. First Vader/Anakin is to make some kind of binding vow that he would not hurt Fox or his brothers ever again.  Anakin agrees, so long as they do not do anything to hurt his family. He wants to know why they were so ready to obey so Anakin tells him about the chips. His second condition is that his chip needs to be removed, if he is to be in charge he will be actually in charge.  After his chip is removed, Anakin convinces him that the rest of the chips should remain in, to keep the clones from feeling the guilt of what they had done. Fox agrees.  They agree to change the chips so that Anakin and Fox both default to the higher authority, and that the clones have as much free will as possible without letting them realize what they had done. Fox’s final requirement is that the remaining Jedi fall under his personal protection (unless they are actively working against the Empire).  Anakin agreed and they announce that Fox is now the Emperor. A few politicians protest, Mas Amedda is among them, Anakin kills him in a horrific way. Then Fox and the CG also kill a few Senators as a message (some of the worst as far as abuse of the CG went).   The clones work both to secure a panet of their own, subdue any rebellion against the new empire, express their displeasure with those that had mistreated them, and search for the surviving Jedi. 

A galaxy wide announcement that the Jedi were no longer traitors, That any survivors can come forward to interact with the GAR and get help in rebuilding. There were not many who came forward. 

The 212th and the 501st specifically hunt for Padme and Obi Wan, who have buried themselves deeply enough that they have not heard any news. By this point a few months have passed.

In their hidey hole, Padme is recovering from giving birth to twins. It has become abundantly clear that something is broken in Obi Wan, something that is not healing. By this point they have realized that if Obi Wan goes to rescue Anakin (as they both still believe that he is being held somewhere) that he will get them both killed.  The only thing keeping him even remotely in the present is Padme and the Twins.  He was successful in using the Force to keep Padme alive during childbirth, but anything beyond that sends him into a strong panic attack. They are waiting for Padme to heal so that she could go to figure out where Anakin is being held and rescue him.  They are on a barely inhabitable moon, with no contact with anyone.

Because of the conditions they are living in (Slightly wonky gravity, abundant but not particularly  nutritious food, A sun that is a bit too weak to provide all of the nutrients that they need), the twins are nearly two before Padme is fully healed from their birth. Before she is comfortable taking them and their shuttle into the wider galaxy. Obi Wan and the twins stay in their hideaway and Padme is telling herself that she is not anxious over the fact that they have no way off the planet if something goes wrong. But a single woman alone is easier to disguise and hide than traveling anywhere with two toddlers (A man alone would be even better but whatever broke in Obi Wan just wasn’t healing).

She has no way of knowing but her face (and Obi Wans) is among the best known in the Galaxy.  The Empire has been looking everywhere for them and the first Cantina she stopped in to see where to start looking for her husband, she is captured (Exceedingly gently. Lord Vader, right hand of the Emperor, was very specific about what would happen to the person who so much as a bruise on Padme Amidala).

There is a small company of Imperial Troopers (all clones, because Emperor Fox only trusts nat-borns that can make a binding force vow, as any serving Force Users would need to) in a small barracks on the smuggler's moon that Padme chose. This is where Padme is locked up, in as comfortable a room as can be until ‘Lord Vader’ and the two battalions he headed up arrived. They were about a week out.  Padme is panicking, and nearly escapes three different times in the first day (this is aided by the fact that none of the clones were old enough to have fought in the Clone Wars). Afraid of hurting her they finally have to sedate her to keep her comfortable. 

Padme wakes up on the Resolute, Anakin is sitting next to her. He calls her angel and acts like the man she married, felt like her Anakin,  if she could ignore the gold ringing his blue eyes. And unlike Obi Wan, Padme is not in broken denial. She realizes that the rumors that Obi Wan had so fervently denied were true. Her husband had murdered the children at the temple. 

And she has two choices. She can challenge him. She and Obi Wan had spoken at length about what pulling on the darkside does to a being (Though Obi Wan only remembered about half of those conversations) and Anakin always had a temper. It would be too easy to rile him to the point that he killed her on accident. Obi Wan and the children would never be found. They would live and die on that little moon, never having to see.  

But her brother would continue to drift. As the children got older and needed him less. She could already see the signs, the substance of him vanishing. And her children would never see beyond the gray dust of their little homestead, would never know anyone but each other. 

Or she could accept him.

Padme took a breath, “are you able to pretend?” She asks, “at least for a little while?”

Anakin caulked his head, confused “Padme?”

Padme had been a queen, had been a senator, she had given birth and left her children behind to find her husband. Padme was so tired of being the strong one (She had enough conversations with Obi Wan, late at night that he never remembered, to know that he had spent so long being the strong one. Too long. She could not begrudge him the cracks in his soul, but at the same time she wondered when she would break and how).  “Are you able to pretend you never touched the dark? For Obi Wan’s sake?” 

She couldn’t ask for her children, who were not yet old enough to understand. By the time they were, all pretending likely would be done. She could not ask for herself, because she had already seen. But for her brother, for the ice that had made his cortis core brittle, she could ask. 

For a moment she watched the gold spread, a thread of jealousy twining its way through his abrupt glare. Then she watched him take a breath and the gold receded again, and then further until all that was left was blue.

She smiled at her husband, “Thank you. I think the only thing that has kept him alive some days was the thought that we would rescue you. To find that had been beyond his reach from the start would have killed him.”

She heard a soft, wounded noise from further away. There, a few feet from her bed was Commander Cody. “Where is he?” The commander asked. 

She gave the coordinates, which were then passed onto navigation. The 40 hour trip in her little shuttle was cut down to 6 in larger ships.  Those six hours were spent with Anakin basically hanging off of her and getting a little information on what had been happening. Emperor Palptine, the Sith Lord did not surprise her as much as she thought it should have. Fox the successful, mostly benevolent Emperor was somehow even less surprising.  She insisted they had a story to give Obi Wan when they picked him up (Anakin escaped ‘captivity’, freed or fixed whatever caused the clones to fire on the Jedi, killed Sidious (who in turn had killed Palpatine. She did not want Obi Wan to deal with the guilt of Anakin spending time with a Sith Lord while under his care) for being Evil, and put Fox on the throne because he honestly had no idea what to do next). The Clone troopers, particularly the ones from the 212th were practically vibrating in excitement over getting to see Obi Wan again. 

She puts her foot down and only Anakin and Cody would go down with her to collect Obi Wan and the Children (Anakin: Wait Children.Plural. Padme: Twins, I named them Luke and Leia). She had been gone for longer than she had hoped and did not know what kind of day Obi Wan was having. 

The kind of day he was having was panicked, which frankly was a bit better than dissociative,  but only slightly. He had the children herded toward the back of the cave they lived in, shaking but clearly putting himself between them and danger (she didn’t know if it was the potential real danger the ships represented, or something that was within his head).  He held no weapon (Hadn’t been able to hold so much as a knife for anything other than cooking). She managed to get him calmed down, convince him that they are safe and that there were people here who he would want to see. 

It became immediately clear what Padme was talking about and why she insisted on a story to tell Obi Wan. Neither Anakin nor Cody had seen him look that fragile before. They are able to keep the story Padme concocted and get everyone back to Coruscant.  No one  is quite sure how to help Obi Wan (Therapy. The answer is so much therapy. Seriously, even in this universe he has issues that go so far back that he is the only one left alive who even knows what happened, and he is far from reliable. However no one thinks about getting him therapy, mostly because they all need it and are avoiding it).

It helps, a little, that the Force is a little lighter than it had been (the death of so many of the Jedi and the chips balanced against Sidious’s death and the reprogramming of the chips). He gets better every day that they don’t require him to be anything other than Cody’s Husband, Anakin and Padme’s brother, Luke and Leia’s Uncle.  He avoids most of the surviving Jedi (Save Quinlan Vos, who is the only person who never triggers a panic attack, an Anxiety attack, or a dissociative episode) until years later and never even looks at where the temple once stood (The Jedi could not return to it, not a one, the convergence of the Force that it sat on was just too polluted in that location. Eventually it was decided to tear the building down and build a new temple, knowing it would take thousands of years to the living nature of the old oneInstead of building it on Coruscant itself, it is built on Centex-1, one of Coruscant's moons which had been outright given to the reformed Jedi Order).  On his best days he can say he is friends with Fox(helped by Vos’s clear affection for the man), he can accept the affection of the clones (he almost never has an issue with the 212th because they only tried to kill him, and Obi Wan had terrifyingly little issue with people trying to kill him. He tries so hard with the members of the 501st that marched on the Temple, but their signatures in the Force were embedded in the temple of his memories),  and even occasionally leave the home that Cody had built (What had been a top level senatorial apartment) for them while he and Padme had been hiding. On his worst days he can’t even leave the mini greenhouse that Cody had created in one of the rooms. They do not tell him about the chips, or how the chips are still in. The fiction that Anakin did not march on the temple, that someone else was wearing his face, is maintained with a vicious force by everyone who interacts with Obi Wan regularly (Anakin is still half Vader when not in Obi Wan’s presence and is very specific about that point).

At some point after Padme and Obi Wan have been found, Rex comes out of the woodwork. Ahsoka is held behind in case something goes wrong. He and Ahsoka have been members of the Rebellion since its inception (Even with Fox in charge, this really isn’t a fix-it and his Empire is only somewhat better than Palpatines. The biggest change is who is being oppressed and how). Rex manages to get an audience with Cody (Who is head of the Imperial Forces, and longtime brother in law to Lord Vader), and tells him desperately about the chip. He is flabbergasted when all Cody says is “I know”. Rex protests the slave chip, Which Cody fully admits is still in his head. Cody scoffs, “I Ordered Obi Wan shot. If the chip comes out I have to face that. Do you think the 501st should have to live with what they did in the temple? That Bly should have to relive shooting Aayla Secura for the rest of his life.” Rex argues further, reeling and feeling betrayed. Cody says “The Vode know about the chips, have for years. Any Vod who wanted to get the chips removed, are very much able to. Few signed up after a squad from the 104th ate their blasters after waking up from their surgeries.”

Rex eventually leaves. His mission had been to seek out the people he remembered, people he had loved, and feel out if they were open to being recruited for the Rebellion. They can’t. He is not allowed to interact with Obi Wan at all.  Padme had decided, in the Med Bay of the Resolute, that she would accept her husband unconditionally. She mourned the Republic and the Freedom it implied, but has rationalized that the Republic she loved never really existed (She is also carefully shielded from the worst offenses). Cody has bought into the Empire, whole heartedly (there are some consequences to years of having the chip in his head identify Anakin Skywlaker and Emperor Fox as the highest authority), and with him goes 99% of the Vode. Anakin, well it would hurt less if he was unrecognizable. But this is an Anakin that never lost his wife, who got everything that he ever wanted and still faces few consequences for his decisions (his only true binding the vow never to hurt the Vode) and Fox, as Emperor was never really an option (Rex had hoped for a moment that Fox was just as much a puppet as Cody only for that to be dashed when he was told the Fox had no chip any longer). 

He leaves behind the memories of the people they were and reports that the only one he could not get a confirmation for was Obi Wan Kenobi.  The Vode in particular watched him leave, it was always hard to watch your brother from the other side of a battlefield.  They didn’t begrudge him his new loyalties, could tell that he didn’t betray them even as he fought against them. It looked so lonely and they hoped he would come to his senses soon. 

There was only one attempt made, after Rex left, to recruit Obi Wan into the Rebellion. Bail Organa reluctantly helps a few younger members of the Rebellion ambush Obi Wan. It had been a good day, Obi Wan was out at an open air market with a few members of the 212th on leave.  Though the Clones had been free now for longer than the war had lasted, the one he was with had a seemingly never ending delight for such colorful, unique places and Obi Wan delighted in seeing that happiness.  Three well placed distractions were what it took to separate Obi Wan from his honor guard long enough for a Rodian, a Zabrak, and a Human to corner him. Their pitch, unfortunately emphasizing his duty to help the Galaxy by fighting the empire, managed to hit every trigger he had in the space of thirty seconds. 

The resulting force-fueled panic attack cracked buildings, transparisteel, and walkways for eight blocks and 16 levels in either direction.  It was also captured in entirety (Pitch included) and streamed live across the galaxy. It takes a bit of time to get Obi Wan calmed down so that his men can get him back home, and by that time the damage was done. To the Rebellion.  It’s one thing to want to fight tyranny, it’s another to watch the organization that is supposed to do that badger one man into a panic attack insisting that he has to fight the Empire. 

It is this footage that changes Rex’s mind and brings him and Ahsoka home.

[debunkingtherightwing]

The dumbest possible take on Donald Trumps hush-money trial

Naturally, Michael Knowles is going to talk all about how making hush-money payments to a porn star flies in the face of all of his supposed values.....right? (source: Michael Knowles on Daily Wire)

Well, Trump is on trial in New York and MAGA media is pissed. For context, Donald Trump is currently on trial for allegedly falsifying records related to a $130,000 payment to Stormy Daniels made in 2016 in order to keep her from talking about a sexual encounter that the two had in 2006. This is the first time in US history that a president has been on trial and this is certainly an important and quite possibly very messy moment in history. Naturally, the Daily Wires Michael Knowles has the dumbest take possible on the trial. Lets get into it.

03:36, Michael Knowles: "This trial in New York is obviously a miscarriage of justice, the trial in New York is obviously a threat to our constitutional order, the first time a former president has ever been criminally prosecuted ever in American history."

This is the first time that a former president made hush money payments to a porn star. Donald Trump has quite blatantly committed numerous crimes and now the justice system is catching up with him. Needless to say, Michael "Porn is evil and can turn you trans" Knowles spends a lot of this episode tip-toeing around the actual charges. Perhaps this is because if he actually took the time to do his job properly and inform his viewers about what Trump is actually on trial for, it might make is god-king look bad.

04:02, Michael Knowles: "And it's so -- it's so personal that they're not even -- they're not even playing around anymore. They're not even pretending that 'this is just a purely procedural matter and look, you know, Donald Trump he committed this crime.' And what is the crime exactly? He, eight years ago, he donated some money to his own campaign which is completely legal but it was in kind because he didn't fill out form 72b for the FEC and so it was hush-money to this porn star -- I don't really remember but anyway-"

Then maybe you shouldn't be covering this Michael. For a guy who titled his video "The Trial Of President Trump EXPLAINED In 4 Mins", Michael really does not know what he's talking about.

Since Michael doesn't seem to know the details of this trial, allow me to fill in the blanks. This trial is concerning a $130,000 payment that Donald Trump had his former lawyer Michael Cohen make to Stormy Daniels during the 2016 presidential election. It also concerns the fact that Donald Trump allegedly falsified records to cover this payment up. Trump is currently being charged with 34 counts of falsifying business records.

Michael doesn't really get into the finer details of this case even though he promised to EXPLAIN (all caps as per Daily Wire tradition) this case to me in four minutes in the title of the video. Instead he spends way too much time complaining about Trump supposedly missing his sons high school graduation.

04:44, Michael Knowles: "President Trump made one request, he said 'Hey, during this ridiculous political persecution that you're all undertaking against me, can I have one day off so that I can go to my sons high school graduation?' and as of now it appears that the answer is no."

This thing about the high-school graduation is a lie. First of all, the high-school graduation is on May 17th so Michael talking about it like it's already happened is a lie on it's face. But Judge Merchan hasn't even ruled on this yet. He stated that "It really depends on how we’re doing on time and where we are in the trial,” and that he's willing to adjourn for the day of the graduation. In short, call me on the 17th and then we can talk about this graduation.

What exactly makes Donald Trump deserving of special privileges? He used to be the president but that doesn't elevate him over anyone else who walks into that courtroom. Trump broke the law and is now facing the consequences, that's just how the system works.

06:44, Michael Knowles: "This dirtbag judge won't let President Trump go to his kids high school graduation over this farce of a trial. He's gonna punish an eighteen year old kid because he hates Trump so much."

Like I said, this segment of the show is supposed to be the Trump trial explained in four minutes. The only takeaways here are "Trump's trial is a miscarriage of justice even though I don't know the details" and "Trump can't see his sons high school graduation - never mind the fact that the judge hasn't ruled on this yet".

07:44, Michael Knowles: "There's going to be this appearance in Washington D.C before the Supreme Court that will pertain to immunity - whether or not a president of the United States has some immunity from prosecution after he leaves office for things he does while he is in office. This is obviously pretty important to all of the prosecutions against Donald Trump right now, it's very important to our constitutional order, it's very important to the 2024 presidential election and this dirtbag judge Jaun Merchan, I don't even know if I'm pronouncing his name correctly, is not gonna let Trump appear before the Supreme Court."

So, the reason that Merchan isn't allowing Donald Trump to attend the Supreme Court on April 25th is because there's a trial date in New York scheduled on that day. Again, Donald Trump has no greater right to receive special privileges than anyone else.

Lets get one thing straight here, if it was a Democrat on trial for paying off a porn star this would be the main topic on the Michael Knowles Show for the next twenty years or so. I love how he's willing to just push all his supposed "principles" aside just to tow the party line.

Conclusion:

So, Michael Knowles is really obsessed with Baron Trumps graduation and I'm actively less informed on the actual trial than I was coming in. I know this was a bit of a shorter post but I wanted to address the right-wing narrative on Trumps trial and I have more stuff coming down the pipe soon. Cheers and I'll see you in the next one.

Sources:

Original Video:

“Ep. 1469 - the Trial of President Trump EXPLAINED in 4 Mins.” The Daily Wire

Trump Hush Money Trial:

“Trump Hush Money Trial Live Updates: Trump Calls Trial “Assault on America.” ABC News.

Smith, David. “History in the Making with Debut of Donald Trump: Criminal Defendant.” The Guardian, 14 Apr. 2024.

Lee, Ella. “New York Judge Says Trump Can’t Attend Supreme Court Arguments on Presidential Immunity.” The Hill, 15 Apr. 2024.

[duggardata]

Jessa Lost A Pregnancy.

Recently, Jessa posted a video on her YouTube, revealing that she’d been pregnant, but lost the pregnancy just before the holidays. Ultrasound images shared during the video reveal that she and Ben learned of the loss, which she called a “missed miscarriage,” on December 22, 2022, at 11 Weeks, 6 Days Along. Her Due Date was July 7, 2023. (So, no, this isn’t the elusive 29th GrandDuggar.)

According to the video, Jessa experienced a bit of spotting and went in for an ultrasound to check on the baby. During the ultrasound, the technician told them that “the sac looks good, but the baby does not.” Jessa did not elaborate on what was wrong. Since the miscarriage hadn’t begun naturally, she considered taking drugs to induce the miscarriage, but decided against it due to her history of hemorrhaging post–birth. She opted for a D&C instead, and seemingly had the procedure the same day (or very shortly after).

Data analysis to follow.

[pearldog30]

☆❦𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭❦☆

Rules for requesting

All around head cannons.

The guys reacting to you waking up starting your period. cod

The guys reacting to Stone valor. Cod

The guys finding out you were SA.cod

The guys reacting to you writing a mechanical bull. Cod

The guys with an s/o who talks out loud/babbles. Cod

Which Lana del Rey song the guys would listen to. Cod

The guys reacting to a period simulator. Cod

The boys finding out you had a miscarriage. Cod

The ghosts dick sizes and more...

Price playing video games.

Simon (Ghost) Riley head cannon.

A unwelcoming surprise!

Eyes on me-NSFW

Ghost has a sister? Series.

Part 1, part 2, part 3,

Funeral, part 4?.

New dad Simon

I'm sorry I pushed you into the dark.

Johnny (Soap) Mactavish head canon.

Blood stain.

Soap with an s/o that draws/paints.

Let's just hope no one heard us....-NSFW

Alejandro Vargas head cannon.

I told you the night wasn't ruined-nsfw

Rodolfo (Rudy) Parra head cannon.

Your thighs are divine!-NSFW

David (Hesh) Walker head canon.

The last message

The last message, pt2.

Red lighting suits you-NSFW

And graves💀 (he doesn't deserve an aesthetic board)

I've missed this-nsfw