#Most depressing are the people I met and care about who suddenly dropped off the face of the earth point blank one day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tomboy-writer · 3 years

Text

Prompt: Chris Evans story where your boyfriend is a cheating douche-bag. He cheats on you time and time again and you get into a bit of a depression. You confide in your best friend, Chris Evans. His consoling leads to sex, the sex soon turns into a regular thing and you get happy again. Your boyfriend sees your change and promises that he will never cheat again and that he will treat you better. You’re happy but sad at the same time because now you have to break things off with Chris. But Chris won’t have it; he says that you should stay with him and not your boyfriend. You’re not sure of which decision to make, so Chris lists off reasons why you would be better off with him.

Chris Evans x black!reader

A/N: my first Chris Evans story!! Let me know what you guys think of it.

A/N 2: I started this story a few years ago and it took me a long time to finish cause I was on a very long writing hiatus and didn't finish this until earlier this year, so some of the story goes off of what the summary says and I decided to turn this into 2 parts (could be more, depending on how long the 2nd part is). So no smut in this part, just angst and dumb jokes. This also originally wasn't going to be a black reader story, but seeing how my ACTUAL 1st Chris Evans story went pretty well (the Game On story) I decided to make it another one cause I love it.

C/W: angst, swearing, my dumb jokes, 3rd person story (it hurt my brain to write it this way, but I wanted to try something different)

“He did it again, Chris! Michael cheated on me with some big titted chick,” Y/N said as she sobbed into her best friend’s shoulder.

Chris rubbed his friend’s back, trying to calm her down. He knew how to handle situations like these since Y/N went through so many of them with her boyfriend. Chris thought her relationship with Michael was like a broken record: always repeating itself. It was good at first with the couple being so obviously in love, but that changed six months later when Michael decided that Y/N wasn’t enough and started to cheat on her with multiple women. Y/N had been given advice by Chris countless times about guys like Michael and she listened to him, she really did. But she always ended up forgiving her unfaithful boyfriend and enjoyed the makeup sex that Michael would give her after.

“He and that big titted chick can both go to hell for all I care,” Chris replied. Then he lifted his friend’s head from his shoulder and made her look directly in his eyes. “Hey hon,” he said using his ‘friendly’ nickname for Y/N. “I think it’s about time you dropped that lame ass zero and got yourself a hero.”

“Okay, Captain America,” Y/N chuckled while wiping her face.

Chris laughed too, but deep down he was really hoping that Y/N would actually consider dating him. They met seven years ago and became fast friends. But the bearded actor didn’t count on falling for Y/N a few years later when he was doing an interview for one of his new movies and Y/N was there to help support him and make sure his anxiety didn’t get the best of him. While in the middle of the interview, Chris started to feel a little fidgety, so he tugged on his ear; a sign that told Y/N that he needed her help. She was standing right behind the cameraman, so Y/N could see everything that Chris was doing. She saw the signal and started to make some weird faces for her best friend.

Y/N made Chris and the interviewer crack up that day, especially when she stood right behind the cameraman and started to bulge her eyes out at him, making him laugh as well. At that moment, Chris realized that he had found that special someone. That special someone that he wants to spend the rest of his life with and just keep forever, never let go.

Y/N was sweet, considerate and loved Disney movies and dogs as much as he did. So he felt that she was just perfect for him. He even started to mentally kick his ass for taking so long to realize this.

The interviewer asked Chris one last question before he had to leave.

“So, Chris, is there a special lady in your life? Ya know, besides your mother and sisters,” she asked.

Chris chuckled and looked right in Y/N’s direction with a bright smile on his face. “Well, I don’t have anyone yet,” the blonde answered, his eyes never leaving Y/N’s, “but I’m looking for her.”

“Chris? Chris, did you hear me,” Y/N asked suddenly, stopping Chris from remembering the day he fell for her.

Evans shook his head no. “Sorry, I zoned out for a few seconds.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “I said I would love to find a new boyfriend, but I’m still in love with Michael.” Chris rolled his eyes this time. “Don’t do that, man. I can’t help that these are my feelings for him.”

“But what are your feelings for him right now! Aren’t you sad? Pissed? Or feeling like you just wanna punch that douche-bag in the face so hard that his face caves in a little bit?”

Chris’s friend nodded her head yes and started to sob again. He felt bad for making Y/N cry; he would never want to make her tears fall from her eyes unless they were tears of joy. He grabbed Y/N and embraced her for a few minutes until she was calm again. Once was she was, Chris pulled away from Y/N enough to look her in her eyes.

“Hey, promise me that you’ll forget about that douche for at least two weeks and just try to find someone better. Okay?” Chris begged with sincerity in his eyes.

“Okay,” I promise,” Y/N complied.

Chris kissed Y/N’s head and, after saying goodbye, left his friend’s house for the night.

* * *

Chris returned to Y/N’s house a few weeks later. He rung the doorbell and heard a faint ‘it’s open’. Evans opened and closed the door behind him and blushed at the sight in front of him: there stood Y/N, wearing only a pair of boy shorts and an over sized t-shirt, no makeup. That’s when Chris thought, no knew, that Y/N was the most beautiful woman out there.

"Hi Chris," Y/N greeted her best friend with a warm hug and a kiss on his cheek. Evans couldn't help the blush that crept onto his face. He also couldn't help but to imagine if he and Y/N were together and he'd come home from being on set all day long, her greeting him the same way she was now except that she'd try to pull back a little to ask him about his day. But Chris would hold his lover in a tight embrace, kiss her so lovingly, so passionately, and ask about her day instead.

Yeah, Christopher Robert [Jamal] Evans would love that.

"Hey, Y/N," Chris replied as he breathed in the embrace. "How've you been lately?"

"A little bit better; not fully okay, but I'm getting there I think," Y/N answered.

Chris shook his head in disbelief. He knew when his best friend was lying to him. "Y/N," he whispered, "I can see in your eyes that you're hurting more than letting on. You sure you're doing fine?"

Y/N's smile was quickly replaced with a small frown. "I'm doin' fine, Evans," she answered, mocking Chris's Boston accent. "And, before you ask, yes I have went on a few dates with other guys; three to be exact. First guy wouldn't shut up about his ex-wife; like I was supposed to be his therapist or something. Second guy -this gorgeous dreadhead- we connected and shit, but he too wouldn't stop talking about his ex and his table manners were terrible." You rolled your eyes before finishing your list. "Last but not least, I went on date with Mr. I-Got-Tons-of-Money-Baby. We didn't connect at all and I'm sure it was cause of his cocky attitude and the way he talked down to people -it was disgusting! " The dateless woman flounced into her big living room and plopped down onto her L-shaped sofa. "Trying to find a new man is pointless, Chris. Either I start dating women cause why the fuck not!? Or I just give up on love all together."

Chris chuckled but then nervously cleared his throat after he came up with a great -but what he also thought was a heart attack inducing- idea. "Y/N," he stammered.

"Yeah, man?"

"If the whole thing with you dating females doesn't work out, but you still want to try to find love, then I know exactly who you should date next."

Y/N gave Chris a questionable look. He didn't say anything back, just raised an eyebrow and grinned mischievously. It took Y/N a few seconds to understand what Chris was talking about. But once she did, her mouth went into an O shape, showing her shock and surprise.

"Are you serious, Evans," Y/N exclaimed; eyes now wide as golf balls. "You wanna date me!?!"

The actor chuckled. He didn't think that his friend would be so shocked by his words. "I've been wanting to date you basically almost ever since we first met, Y/N. I just- -I just never knew what to say to you about it, or if you felt the same way or not and if you didn't then I didn't want to ruin our friendship, or if you did feel the dame way but then something bad happens to us down the road and then that messes with up our friendship and then there's the thing with paparazzi..." Chris was rambling on and on but Y/N was listening to everything he was saying. Hanging onto every word that was coming out of her best friend's mouth.

Y/N had never known that Chris had felt this way about her. It wasn't that she was completely oblivious (well, maybe a little), but she also never saw any signs of her friend being in love with her. Wait. Was Chris in love with Y/N? As far as she knew -or as far as she thought from what she was told so far- this was just a crush. A crush confession that apparently was a long time coming. She wondered how she felt for Chris; did she have the same feelings for him like he did for her? When they first met, all Y/N cared about was how Chris acted as a person, not as Captain America or as an actor in general. But as Chris Evans, an everyday man. Y/N knew, after that one day of meeting Evans, that she wanted to be best friends with the man, nothing more and nothing less. But now, with Chris' confession and continuous ramblings, Y/N was having different and a little bit confusing thoughts.

Sure Chris Evans is an very attractive man, physically speaking. But Y/N doesn't care about looks -much- when it comes to dating or anything for that matter. She thinks what makes people attractive is their personality more than anything, and she knows Chris has the best personality she's ever seen from a person. But she wasn't sure if she was ready to date him or anyone else for that matter. Although, if Y/N was going to date more, then Chris would probably be her number one pick.

"So, what do you say, Y/N," Chris asked, hopeful.

______________________________________________________________

And that's the end of part 1, everyone. Part 2 will be posted....probably next week or so. It is currently one of my WIPs so I'm definitely working on it.

But what do ya'll think will happen next? What will Y/N's answer to Chris be? Will she say yes, or will she say no? Who knows??? Except for me; I know. Also, you're Y/N; Y/N is you, so you better hope that you say something positive back :P Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this! Thanks for reading!!

#chris evans #chris evans imagine #chris evans smut #angst #black writing #black reader #chris evans x black!reader #friends to lovers #chris evans fanfiction #christopher robert jamal evans

222 notes · View notes

jschllatt · 3 years

Text

𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀 𝐁𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 | 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦

Prompt: (Based off of the song I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys) Clay’s recent fame leads to a difficult decision to be made. Months later, he’s still regretful. You seem to be fine, so why can’t he move on, too?

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, slight angst

Pairing: Dream x GN!Reader

Words: 2.5k

Masterlist

I spent a week on this and idk how I feel about it but I hope you enjoy <3

Clay had been consumed by an overwhelming emptiness, his entire body hollow as the lack of your presence took its toll.

Two months. Two devastating months had passed since he’d made a grave mistake, and now he was facing the agonous repercussions. He was a mess—anyone could see it. Between his long, disheveled hair, the light scruff that covered his face, and his bloodshot eyes, it was clear that Clay’s mind had been somewhere else. And it had been. Every passing second was a constant reminder of his solitude, causing the emptiness in his heart to evolve into a deep, incessant void, no longer inhabited by the happiness you had ingrained in him just months before. Why? Clay was overcome with a sense of deep regret as a result of your absence, feeling more alone than he ever had before. What could have possibly happened to make him feel this way? To make you leave? The answer was rather simple—he was just too damn busy.

Clay had dedicated a considerable amount of time to his career, filming or streaming during the little free time he had. As he grew more popular, the time that you had spent in each other’s presence dwindled significantly, each day becoming lonelier than the last. Your interactions with him had shortened drastically—what were once long, lingering kisses placed on your forehead had devolved into chaste pecks, void of any true care or meaning. While you understood entirely that Clay’s career was important, you found yourself slowly losing hope.

You realized it one day as he was filming.

It was a day no different from the last. Clay was recording a Manhunt video in his office, his voice shrill as he begged his friends for mercy. He was always loud when he filmed, and though you had chastised him for it countless times, he never listened. A loud sigh escaped your lips, going unheard, and you shifted your position on the couch, uncomfortable. Everyday seemed to be the same—each as lonely and frustrating as the last. Clay’s ignorance only fueled your apathy towards your relationship more, and you couldn’t help but find yourself growing hopeless at the thought of Clay being unaware of your unhappiness. Your troubled thoughts continued until a week had passed—a long, grueling week in which you had hopelessly tried to burrow your apathetic thoughts. But you couldn’t. You were giving up. The realization of your unhappiness made a pit grow in your stomach. You knew that you cared about Clay, but you couldn’t keep living the way you were—tired, unacknowledged, pitiful.

And so, you let him go.

Clay was editing by the time you gathered the courage to face him, your stomach nauseous as you approached his office door. A light knock signaled your presence, and Clay muttered a quiet ‘come in,’ his voice raspy after hours of unuse. Blowing out a breath, you entered the room, your expression sullen upon noticing Clay’s inattentiveness. His eyes were still glued to his monitor, deeply focused on editing rather than your presence. You waited for a few seconds, silently hoping he would pay you any mind, but he didn’t. A wave of disappointment washed over you, though you managed to keep your voice steady as you declared, “We should break up.” Clay tensed in his seat, suddenly fixated on your words rather than the hours worth of footage he was editing. His chair turned with a quiet squeak as he swiveled around to face you. “What?” You sensed the subtle indignation of his tone as he squinted confusedly at your abrupt words. “We should break up.” You were much quieter this time, unable to meet his eyes as your words died silently in the tense air. You wrung your hands together anxiously as you leaned back on your heels, feeling awkward under Clay’s intense gaze. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe you should’ve just stayed quiet and dealt with it. Maybe—

“Okay.”

Immediately, your eyes flickered up to meet his, filled with a silent desperation as you searched his emerald irises for any indication of his intentions. Nothing.

“Okay?”

Clay remained silent for a moment, his body stiff as he leaned back in his noisy chair. His expression was inscrutable as he stared at you blankly, trying to find the right words to say as he watched your face remain solemn at his confound brevity. His voice was level as he spoke, “I know I’ve been busy lately. We haven’t spent a lot of time together and that’s my fault. I could sit here and promise to change, but we both know I can’t—not right now.” Though you felt your heart shatter, you knew he was right. His job was too important, too time consuming.

A nod signaled your understanding and you turned to leave, feeling overwhelmingly dejected.

“Hey.” You turned around to meet Clay’s eyes, noticing the hurt that was settled in them. “I hope you know I care about you.” You fought the urge to cry and shot him a watery smile, struggling to keep your tone unwavering as you agreed, “Me too.”

Two months had passed.

Clay had been struggling. Everyone knew it—his friends, family, even his fans. It was clear that the once cheerful, happy man had become melancholy, suddenly depressed and unable to hide his unhappiness on camera. There had been numerous speculations of why this was, but only few knew the truth. Sapnap was among one of them and had been staying at Clay’s for the past month, creating content with his best friend while simultaneously making sure he was okay. Though two months had passed, Clay was still a mess. Perhaps it was because it hadn’t hit him that day. He had momentarily convinced himself that his career was more important than you, but deep down he knew that wasn’t true. He wanted so desperately to reach out to you, but assumed you had moved on—another incorrect belief of his. Clay cooped himself up in his home, never leaving unless it was urgent. He had sunken into a deep depression and the only remedy for his pain was you. You. He treated you so poorly. Everyday was a constant reminder of your absence and it was his fault. He could’ve made more time for you, or at least spent the free time he had with you.

Remorseful thoughts ran through his head everyday, nearly driving himself crazy, and Sapnap knew he needed to get Clay out of the house.

“There’s a party tonight, I think we should go.” Clay immediately denied the offer with a shake of his head, grumbling to himself. His best friend sighed indignantly, blowing out a breath of frustration before stating, “You don’t have a choice, you need to get out of the house.” Sapnap stood his ground, arms crossed as he stared at Clay sternly. A minute had passed and Clay, aware of his best friend’s stubbornness, gave in begrudgingly, “Fine, but only for an hour.” Sapnap grinned triumphantly, exiting the room with a smirk. He slammed the door behind him, heading back to his room while yelling, “And shave, for fuck sake.” Clay shook his head, cracking a small smile at his friend’s words.

The party was overwhelming to say the least. Bodies swarmed the crowded living room, reeking of alcohol and sweat. Music blared from a speaker, a shrill, nearly deafening melody that was sure to give Clay a headache by the end of the night. The room was buzzing with conversation, every word drowning out in the loud atmosphere. Almost immediately, Clay was passed a beer, and he lifted the bottle to his lips to take a swig. If Sapnap was going to make him stay here, he may as well take some edge off while doing so. A few minutes had passed and he finished the bottle, discarding it in a bin nearby. “I’m gonna go get another drink.” Clay muttered to Sapnap, who was talking loudly to a group of people he’d recognized. His best friend patted his back in response, chuckling as he gave him a playful shove towards the kitchen. Stumbling through the drunken crowd, Clay soon broke free as he neared his destination. He grabbed a beer, opening it skillfully off of the edge of a table, and turned around wordlessly. Taking a big sip, he hoped to free his mind from thoughts of you. Though he wasn’t one to drink, especially when upset, Clay knew that, aside from you, alcohol was the only other solution to temporarily mask his pain. He’d already drank half before he warned himself to slow down, knowing that if he got too drunk, he’d probably do something he regretted. Turning around so he could rejoin Sapnap, Clay nearly dropped his drink on the floor, feeling his heart drop.

His eyes met yours. And then, he heard the music.

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner

Breathin’ in your dust.

Clay felt his breath hitch in his throat, noticing the surprise in your eyes as you stared at him, astonished. As he stood there, staring at you shamelessly, he regretted it—everything. He regretted how he neglected you, ignored you, prioritized all of the wrong things when the only right thing in his life was right in front of him: you. Memories flashed before his eyes, quick and familiar, yet saddening all the same. The way you smiled at him from across the room when he was filming, the way you held him when he was stressed, the way you spoke to him, softly, while he was streaming to check up on him. Everything.

I wanna be your Ford Cortina

I will never rust

You looked away, suddenly nervous, though the eye contact was all-too-familiar. You felt your heart begin to race as you processed every detail of Clay’s face—from his anxious expression to the dark circles beneath his eyes. He looked like a mess. But so did you. You mirrored most of his tired, dejected qualities because you, too, were hurting.

If you like your coffee hot

Let me be your coffee pot

Snapping you out of your daze, you felt a tug on your arm. “Hey, you alright?” Your friend asked worriedly. Nodding briskly, you muttered a quiet ‘yeah’ and smiled in a poor attempt to sound convincing. Seconds passed, and you could still feel the intensity of Clay’s burning gaze as your friend tugged you through the crowd, handing you a drink in the process. You dared to look up, instantly locking eyes with Clay, and swallowed thickly. You knew you couldn’t avoid him forever, not when he was looking at you like that—desperate, longing.

You call the shots, babe

I just wanna be yours

Lifting up the red solo cup to your lips, you downed its contents quickly, eliciting a few laughs and impressed hollers from your friends. You were never the type to drink, but you felt that it was necessary, especially when you knew Clay was still staring at you intently. Downing another shot, you risked glancing up towards Clay, but he was gone. Suddenly anxious as a result of his absence, you surveyed the room. Nothing. “I’m gonna go get a drink.” You said before you could stop yourself, not giving your friends the chance to answer you before you ventured into the kitchen. You tried to dodge the swaying, drunken bodies as you made your way quickly into the room, frowning upon entry. Clay wasn’t there either. You sighed, frustrated, and grabbed a beer, struggling to open it. You nearly laughed at your incompetence, feeling sadly nostalgic despite the humor you found in your struggles—Clay had always opened your beers, then teased you for being incapable. You fought back an onslaught of tears at the memory and sighed deeply, leaning against the table with your head in your hands.

Secrets I have held in my heart.

“Hey.” Your body jolted at the sound of his voice. Daring to turn around, you felt your chest constrict at the sight of him clutching your now-opened beer, a sad smile plastered on his tired features.

Are harder to hide than I thought.

“Hey.” You breathed. Clay passed the beer to your shaking hand, trying to ignore the way his fingers brushed against yours. Chewing on the inside of his cheek nervously as he tried to find the right words to say, Clay admitted, “I’m sorry.” A few quiet moments passed, though they felt like an eternity, and you replied simply, “Don’t be.” You tried to hide the tremor that shook your arm as you took another swig of your beer, noticing how Clay’s face fell in sudden disappointment. What? Did you say the wrong thing? You didn’t want Clay to feel guilty, to blame himself for your failed relationship though it was mostly his fault. Why? Because you cared about him. You could immediately sense the despair that washed over him. And, though you weren’t sure if it was the alcohol coursing through your veins or the pure adrenaline from the moment, you hugged him.

Maybe I just wanna be yours

I wanna be yours

Clay tensed at your touch, wondering if the beer had gotten to him or if this really was happening. It was. He soon wrapped his arms around your waist, grip purposeful as he tugged you into him. Your head rested against his chest, the steady thumping of his heartbeat in your ear far more of a melodic sound compared to any music you’d ever listened to.

Wanna be yours

Clay swayed the two of you softly, resting his chin atop your head. You clung to him tightly, shutting your eyes as he held you, gentle. “I missed you so much.” You admitted before your mind could even process it. Clay chuckled, lowering his head so his lips were close to your ear, “I missed you more, baby.” You tried to fight the grin that plastered itself on your face as you took in his words, squeezing his torso with such force you were sure he’d explode. Clay went to speak again, caressing your sides so gently you could barely feel it, before being interrupted.

“Holy shit, there you are, dumbass!”

Sapnap.

Clay pulled away from you to glare at his best friend, trying to ignore the shit eating grin on Sapnap’s face as he glanced at you. “My bad, I didn’t mean to interrupt...whatever the hell I just interrupted. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, but you clearly are.” Before either of you could respond, he left, shooting his friend a thumbs up before disappearing into the crowd. You couldn’t help but laugh at the interaction, noticing the slight rosiness Clay’s cheeks had suddenly sported, embarrassed. “Sorry about that, he…” Clay struggled to find the perfect word to describe his best friend, but trailed off. “Yeah.” You agreed, seemingly understanding what he meant despite his silence. Clay laughed, then. The sound was music to your ears, and when his smile faded, the two of you were serious again. Clay’s hand found refuge in yours as he began to speak, his face solemn as he confessed, “I lied. I can change. I will right now if you want me to—I’d do anything for you.”

Wanna be yours

You smiled lovingly at the man, interlocking the fingers of his hand that wasn’t already occupied in yours, and pulled him closer to you, wanting him near.

Wanna be yours

“Deal.”

#dream imagine #dreamwastaken imagine #dream x reader #dreamwastaken x reader #dream angst #dreamwastaken angst #mcyt x reader #mcyt imagine #mcyt angst

646 notes · View notes

kirishoshego · 3 years

Text

Listen before I go//Bakugou

Summary: Things won’t always go your way, but what if the person you love the most has to watch you take your final breaths? Note: I fucking cried at the end myself, be prepared for lots of sad emotions! I’m sorry in advance!

TW: This is a fic filled with ANGST, DC; the reader is going to die and also mention of depression and all that, so please read at your own risk

inspiration: Billie Eilish: Listen before I go

You didn’t really know when it started. Was it the bullying? The fact neither one of your parents cared about the fact you’re drowning? You don’t remember, really. But depression has been your “friend” for a long time.

But you do remember when it stopped. You moved, away from the memories, away from the people and started over again. Created a new you, a you you could get along with, a you someone fell in love with. Bakugou and you met at your job at the café, you made his hot cocoa after a rather cold day. Because of said weather you didn’t really had any costumers and he enjoyed the warmth of the shop (and your company, which he would tell you later when you’re wrapped up in his arms). He introduced you to his friends and they became your friends within a few days. They where shocked to see Bakugou with a SPARKLE in his eyes whenever you were there or mentioned. Kirishima knew he was hooked, enjoying his best friend turning (slightly, we’re still talking about Bakugou) softer. You were one of the few people who knew how to handle him, biting back and letting him be when he needed to let it all go. You were the one person for him where he could let go, who showed him what love is like, slowly letting go of his abusive past. You were his home and he was yours.

You got out of your shelf more, finally having enough strength to fulfill your wish to study. And you loved it, the first two years went so well.Your grades where amazing and because you moved in with him, you could drop out of your work and concentrate on school. Bakugou and you were so in love, planing your wedding, maybe starting a family once you’re done with your University. Being hero #1 suddenly didn’t seem so important for him. That changed almost a year ago. Midoriya was almost on top. Hawks was now #1, Midoriya close #2. How could he let that happen? Stupid Deku is now two places in front of him, he had to train more again, train harder. Spend less time with you and save more life, he was a hero after all. When he wasn’t at work, he worked out, he came home late most of the time and because University took a turn you could’t stay up so long anymore. Couldn't keep waiting for a two minutes conversation about how amazing his work as a hero is. How amazing he is and how he will beat Izuku in no time. You tried to stay above it, really you did. You stopped talking to your friends so you can focus more on school, they came around a few times but you told them things where fine and you just need some time to focus, you will let them know when you have time and when you need help. But at night your old enemy would creep up again. You tried shutting them out at first. You got this, you just need a bit more time. But then your grades came back. C-, D. Trying to hide it from Bakugou didn’t work, he had caught you crying in the shower one night when he came home early after Mina called him with worry laced in her voice. “She looked so pale Bakugou, so tired and thin. We’re worried about her but we can’t reach her, she’s shutting us out,” He left the gym immediately and bought your favorite take out and planned a movie night just for the two of you. He even got you your favorite flowers. And for a few weeks he was there again, he cared again and he saw you did better, you even went out with Mina and Kirishima once who invited you for a karaoke night, Bakugou joined you later and you enjoyed ever second of it. But it didn’t last long, Bakugou had to put his head back to Hero work. “When I’m on top, I will have all the time for you, I will take you on vacation and we can finally pay for our wedding,” he would tell you. But you didn’t want to go on luxurious vacations or expensive dates or dresses. You wanted Bakugou again. Your pleas fell to deaf ears, sometimes he would loose his temper, yell at you and get angry for not supporting his life long dream. “Of course you’re all that matter to me!” he would yell when you would tell him you missed him and feel less important to him. His actions showed you different. Don't say I'm all that matters Leave me Deja vu So you stopped asking for his time, stopped waisting it or the time of your friends. You can be alone, you know the feeling. And you stopped shutting those voices out, craving the familiar feeling of having company. You knew it was wrong at you tried putting up a fight, but you were so, so tired. So alone. “Maybe its because you gained weight? Stress eating doesn’t look too well on you you know?” the voice was worried, pointing at your belly. “That’s why he doesn’t touch you anymore, or maybe he has someone better, it’s not hard,” you dismissed the voice, telling it, it was just the stress. “If he would care about you, he would work less. Look at you, such a mess! If I was him I would try to do as much outside as I can,” you looked into the mirror and the voices where right, you did look so done. No colour in your face like there used to be, your skin dull, just like your eyes. And your hair was a mess as well. You haven’t showered for a while, you just couldn’t. You stopped working on your school tasks. “You’re going to fail anyways, why even try? You are stupid, pitiful and useless,” everything Bakugou isn't, something Bakugou didn’t deserved as a partner. He deserved better. You knew those voices, knew they were right, right? They knew you better than anyone, they knew you better than you knew yourself. But now, after a year, a new voices creeped up from somewhere dark. “He wouldn’t care if you would be gone, you know? It would make it so much easier for him to become Hero #1. You are holding him back, your friends too. You’re such a burden to them, always checking up on you. They could use their time so much better, than this. At first you ignored this voice. You didn’t want to go, didn’t want to leave him. You wanted to be by his side, wanted to be his wife. But the more he was away, the easier the voices could haunt you. Until it was too much. They won. You had two more weeks left. Two more weeks to say good bye, two more weeks until you will feel at peace again, until the voices will be quiet. Two more weeks until Bakugou had nothing holding him back. You could take a shower again, could go get your hair done, eat again. Mina was so excited for the two of you to meet up again, she didn’t had much time and apologized for it, telling you about her plans to move into a bigger apartment with Momo and Kyouka, how stressful it is next to hero work. “Don’t worry about it Mina! I know how busy your life can be, you’re always such an amazing friend to me, I love spending time with you and being able to laugh until I cry,” you had told her. She wasn’t supposed to blame herself, it wasn’t her fault. “Before you go, I really wanted to gift you something! It’s really small but when I saw it I just knew I had to get it for you,” you explained to her, wrapping a bracelet around her wrist. She thanked you, tell you she loved you and how pretty it was. Kirishima came to your place by surprise. At first he told you that he didn’t had time, trying to keep up with Bakugou, but when he looked at your tired face something told him that that wasn’t as important right now. He brought you a hot drink and took you out for a walk. For once your eyes sparkled again, the snow covered nature filling your heart with joy. The world was so peaceful for a while. Kirishima told you about his girlfriend’s pregnancy, showed you the first pictures. He told he was secretly hoping for a girl. You spend a few hours with him, until you couldn’t feel your hands anymore and he had to go to the doctors with his girlfriend to check up on the baby again. You called his name after he went to leave your doorstep. When he turned around, you hugged him tightly. “Thank you for today Kiri, this means more to me than you’ll know,” you whispered. “Anytime Y/N,” Kiri’s voices was so warm and you knew he meant it. Bakugou wouldn’t be home the next three hours. You had enough time for your letter to Bakugou. You tried putting it off, trying to escape reality as long as possible. But now you could’t anymore. Two weeks were over. Your hand was shaking, tears threatening to fall out of your eyes, but you had to do this, had to give him closure. You didn’t want anyone to blame themselves. It wasn’t their fault. You weren’t sorry, this is what you wanted, you were too deep down, too far, too weak. And for once you wanted something to success, wanted to feel at complete control over your life.

My love, when you’re reading this I will no longer be with you, no longer around to hold you back. I went to my favorite spot, to enjoy the view one last time. I wish I could enjoy it with you, but that’s a selfish thought. I love you, I always have from day one and always will. Remember the first day you came into my shop? I remember feeling the butterflies erupt in my belly when I saw you for the first time three years ago. Your rambling about how stupid extras can be and the way you almost spilled your drink all over yourself while using your arms to put more emphasis in your sentences. I knew I was falling for you right then and there. I still remember the day you asked me to be your wife. You were pissed at how nothing was working out the way you wanted it, that they messed up your order at the flower shop or that you burned the food because we were so occupied with each other, so lost in our love. (I still remember the bruises I had even three days later, god, you always knew what you did). And the fact you had to drive me to the hospital because I cut myself open with the knife. And there you were in the room with me, my clothes sprinkled with blood and feeling dizzy from losing so much, on your knees. You yelled at me for being so clumsy, but I saw the tears in your eyes you held back so much. And then you pulled out the ring with a shaking hand. “Damnit shitty woman! I planned this whole day and you had to get yourself injured. Why are you always so clumsy?! I have to wrap you up in foil, I can’t let anything happen to you,” curses spilled out of your mouth and I just had to laugh until my stomach hurts. I love you so much. And then you asked me and I felt everything turn brighter, warmer, more colourful. You always made me feel so happy. The way you would fall asleep when I read you a story, how your arms always found your way around my waist even when you slept or the gentle kiss on my forehead whenever you had to leave for work. Remember the time everyone was here? It was Christmas and you cooked such a tasty meal, you really were a master chef. Kirishima dropped the potatoes and you were so angry at him, running after him and setting small explosions off, making him stumble and fall head first into our pond. He was freezing and even though you told him off and said it was karma you still made sure he took a hot shower and his towel was heated. Or how you had to carry Mira back to our apartment because she was so drunk, complaining about how careless she is and you’re not her personal taxi. You still made sure she had a glass of water and pill next to her for when she woke up, telling Denki to shut up because she will have a head ache. Or remember the last time you bought me flowers? You bought the biggest bunch of flowers I ever saw, it was probably three times my head. They smelled so lovely. But not as lovely as you. I always enjoyed the lazy days with you the most. How warm you were, how you always smell like caramel, not the deodorant you always put on before leaving me. How you would play with my hair for hours, whisper sweet nothings in my ear. You gave me a home, a family, all I could have asked for. Thank you for that Bakugou Katsuki. I want you to know that I made this decision a while ago. This was not just a rushed thought in the moment. I want this. I can’t keep trying anymore. There is nothing for me left. I fought against it for so long, telling myself things will be okay again, telling myself we will be okay again. But to be honest I stopped believing this a long time ago. I'm not okay, I feel so scattered I’m so proud of you, of what you have accomplished and without me holding you back you will finally be Hero #1. I just know it! I believe in you, you really put in everything in it. I will be watching you from up above if something like heaven exists. Please let me go and don’t beat yourself up, okay? I want this and there is nothing you could have done to make me feel better. There is no way out. Call my friends and tell them that I love them and I'll miss them. Always in love, your Y/N

You couldn’t stop the tears from falling now, this really is it. And you felt at peace, you felt calm, you felt happy. The pills stood next to you already and you knew once you swallowed them you will have fifteen minutes until you’ll fall asleep and your heart will stop. It will all stop. You wore your favorite dress, the one you always wanted an occasion for but just never found it. Know you knew, it fitted perfectly. You took a deep breath and poured the pills into your hand. Next to you stood your favorite drink that you wanted to enjoy one last time. You kissed Bakugou’s letter and started taking the pills. He wouldn’t be home for another hour so you had enough time. Suddenly your phone binged. Kirishima. “Hey! Amazing news, we will have twins! So far it seems like a girl and a boy, isn’t that cool? I’m so excited, hope to see you again soon, love you lots x Kiri!” You smiled. His wish came true, you were so happy for him. You called him but he didn’t pick up, probably spending his time with his girlfriend now. Should you leave him a voice mail? Before you could overthink it your mouth started moving. “Hey Kiri! It’s me Y/N. Obviously... Uhm, I just wanted to let you know I’m so happy for the both of you! Or well, four of you now! You will be an amazing father, I know it. And have amazing and beautiful little babies run around. You’re almost 7 foot tall, Pro Hero #5, nobody will mess with these babies. You are so gentle and loving, warm and caring. You’ll be the best dad anyone could ever ask for. I’m so proud of you. Greet everyone, I love you too!” it cut off right there and you were glad because you couldn’t keep your voice strong anymore. Twelve more minutes. You signed and looked at your apartment one last time. You cleaned it before, you didn’t want Bakugou to deal with this mess. You opened your apartment door to make your way all the way up to the garden. Nobody goes up there in the winter, it was too cold for them and parents feared their children will drop from the roof. The pills started to show their effect, you felt tired slowly, your body getting weaker the more you try to walk up stairs. just a few more steps you could it. “Woah Kiri, that's awesome! Two babies, I hope they aren’t as annoying as you are... I’m just kidding! Just kidding! I can’t wait for ours to run around too, time flies by, huh?” No it can't be! Why is he here already? This can’t be happening, no, no, no. Your legs grew weak and you felt yourself slowly falling to the floor. No, you don’t want to leave here, you want to the roof top, this can’t be happening. “Hey Kiri, I will call you back okay? Something isn’t right,” you could hear the worry in his voice, could picture the way his eyebrows furrowed together. You left the door open. Ten more minutes.

Heavy footsteps run up the stairs until his eyes landed an the fabric of your dress. He appeared right in front of you, tears streaming down his face when his eyes landed on your fragile body. “Please... Please don’t leave me Y/N,” his voice was weak, broken. “You weren’t supposed to find me, you weren’t supposed to be home for almost another hour,” you very shocked at how thin your own voice was, so timid. “I came home a bit earlier cause I wanted to make dinner for us, spend the evening together, the sun will set-” “In 3 minutes I know, I wanted to see it one last time,” you explained to him, your eyes looking up at the dark ceiling. “It’s not too late, I can save you, I’m a hero, I can- I have to, I just, no, no, no. How could I let this happen? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please let me save you,” he was begging now, praying to whoever will listen. He picked you up bridle style. “That’s not how I imagined my first time bridal style,” you joked weakly. But he didn’t listen. He wanted to save you. But before he could move you put your cold hand onto his cheek. It was wet and warm. “Don’t, there is no use,” he knew. He knew as soon as his hands landed on the empty pill bottle. But he was hoping it wasn’t to late, that you haven’t taken them. He didn’t want his worst fear to come true, but here you were, in his arms. The arms he saved so many lives with, just not the one that matters the most to him. “This can’t be it,” he hugged you tightly, letting his emotions out. “Take me to the rooftop, I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue,” you whispered into his ear. He couldn’t bring himself to not do it. He knew he couldn’t stop from what was about to happen, but he didn’t want your last moments to be on this godforsaken staircase.

So he took you there, each step he took heavy, dreadful, broken. As the door opens you could finally breath again. Finally you felt peaceful and completely happy. He sat down on the bench, dismissing the snow drenching his jeans within seconds. The sun started setting and you had the most beautiful view in front of you. “I love you,” you whispered while you both looked into each others eyes for one last time. “I love you too, so much. And I know sorry won’t save you know but I should have listened more, should have been more observant, I’m sorry I wasn’t the man you deserved by your side. You matter more than anything in the world to me. I love you misses Y/N Bakugou,” he kissed your cheek and could taste the salty tears on your cheeks. “It’s not your fault love, it was inevitable. I was sick long before I met you. You gave me the best three years of my life. I don’t blame you and please don’t do it either. It’s just my time to go now, there is no place here for me anymore, nothing holding me here. I’m finally happy again now. I want you to fulfill your dreams and become hero #1, I love you Mister Katsuki Bakugou,” you voice wasn’t more than a whisper, he could barely hear you, but he tried so hard. You looked at the sunset one more time, taking it all in one more time. The fresh air mixed with a hint of caramel. The quiet whimpers of the love of your life. You looked at him with a smile on your face. Taking in your last breath you kissed him, with all the love you ever felt for him, with all the love you wish you could have still gifted him. And then you went limp. He didn’t want the kiss the stop, wanted to repeat the last minute over and over again. Bakugou hugged you so tightly he was afraid to break your bones, but he couldn’t stop it. He cried into the crotch of your neck, the sun long gone before he could muster to look into you face again. “You were my dream,” he whispered, stroking your face gently before screaming into the night. ©Kirishoshego NOTE: Please know that suicide is NOT the only option. Someone close to me took his life a long time ago and let me tell you, people care, people love you for who you are and you’re amazing. You matter and you can do so much more than you think. If you ever feel like giving up please talk to someone, you can always come to me, I will see your messages and I will care and listen!

208 notes · View notes

tealquacks · 4 years

Text

They Share a Kitchen 3: Grocery Gathering

Originally posted here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24317644/chapters/58625389

@alexalexisalexej

I’m sorry this took so long, but I hope y’all enjoy!

It had been a little over a week since Remus made the croissants, and the daily routines still hadn’t quite recovered. At breakfast, Virgil showed up ten minutes later than usual, and stood nervously in the doorway, checking to make sure nobody unexpected would be in the kitchen. Roman never came to visit the kitchen, but Patton brought him meals three times a day— 9:30 am, 1:20 pm, and 5:50 pm. Virgil would occasionally join him.

Patton and Janus still met for tea every single day, but they never stayed in the kitchen anymore. Patton would ask Janus to take walks with him. They’d stroll through Roman’s side of the imagination, then drink their tea and talk. The only reason Logan knew this was because Patton brought it up at dinner one night. Virgil left shortly after.

The only people who remained unaffected were Remus and him. They kept to their usual schedules. Except now Logan found himself staying up late to talk to Remus while he cooked. He had yet to make paella— something about wanting to save it for a special occasion.

Every day felt like a special occasion. Logan couldn’t help but stare at the charts he had made, one pre-Remus, and one post-Remus. Color coded and organized. Pristine.

“It’s surprising,” Logan had said at breakfast that morning, eating some waffles Patton had made, “that Remus spending one day in the kitchen threw all of our schedules into chaos.”

Virgil glared at him silently. Patton stared down blankly at his waffles.

“I don’t like him,” Patton murmured.

“You seem to get along with Deceit just fine,” Virgil spat, lip twitching in silent anger. Patton sighed.

“His name is Janus, Virgil. Be polite.”

“Why should I care?”

“Because it’s rude to call him Deceit— Logan, how would you feel if we only called you Logic?”

Logan sat straight. If he said he didn’t care, that would be mostly honest. If he said he did care, that would make it seem he had some sort of emotional attachment to his name. He swallowed.

“I don’t care either way. However, Janus now seems to prefer we address him by his real name. Besides, deceit is not his only function.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, staring angrily down at his plate of waffles. That was the end of the conversation at the breakfast table. Logan ate in silence, slowly sipping water out of a glass with a lemon on the rim.

Now, he sat at his desk. The clock said it was 2:28 pm. The kitchen would be perfectly empty, since Virgil and Patton no longer had their little talks in the kitchen. Logan didn’t know where they went, and he didn’t care to ask. Of course he worried about them, but he didn’t think where they talked mattered so much. He set down his pen, thinking of when Roman had run from the kitchen in horror, Remus doing nothing but sitting at the table.

Suddenly, someone knocked at his door. Logan stood from his comfortable office chair, and walked to the door. He adjusted his tie and smoothed his hair down before calmly opening it. That calm facade almost broke when he saw Remus on the other side, wearing a painfully bright yellow bucket hat, a fishnet shirt, and a green pair of cargo shorts. He had a bag slung over his shoulder.

“Hello, Remus.”

“You remember how you said I should make paella? Well I thought real long and hard and I thought that you could not only help me with the cooking but you could also help me with gathering the shit that goes in it! Like clams and mussels. One recipe says squid but I’ve honestly never cooked with squid and I’m not interested in fucking with that.”

Logan blinked, slowly trying to take in the information, and the sight of Remus before him. Remus never came to his room. Nobody did. It seemed like there had been an unspoken rule made, that he was never to be interrupted. Now the matter at hand.

“You want me to accompany you in collecting the ingredients?”

Remus nodded violently, causing the bright hat to flop off his head. He picked it up, and put it back on. Logan blinked.

“I’ll take that as a yes. And this involves going under the water?”

“No shit Sherlock! That’s where the mussels are! Unless you count these guns—“ Remus flexed his arms, a stunning smile on his face. Logan looked at the bag he carried, then to the yellow hat on his head.

“I think it would be best if you changed into something more… sensible.”

Remus wagged his brows, leaning up against the doorway.

“Oh don’t worry, I’m wearing a speedo under these shorts.”

“I meant the hat. It will make you very, very visible.”

“It’s okay,” Remus rebutted, “I think fish are colorblind. Maybe. Do you know?”

Logan gnawed on the inside of his lip. He didn’t know. He couldn’t say so, that would be seen as weakness. But Remus was… different, somehow, uncaring about strength and weakness. He took a slow, deep breath.

“I honestly don’t know,” Logan responded, “most fish only see two colors, but I’m unsure how many can see yellow. However, if your plans are to go underwater, it would be wise to forgo the hat.”

Remus shrugged, took off his hat, and tossed it into Logan’s room. It landed on the neat sheets of his bed.

“We won’t be in the water the whole time,” Remus said, “we still have to get other things? Like, erm, I don’t have the recipe on me but we’re almost out of apples, and honey— honey will be a bitch to get but you know what I have?”

Logan furrowed his brows, staring at the bag.

“A beekeeping suit, a smoker, and an apiary of some sort?”

“Nope! Just my morning star and overwhelming hubris!”

Logan didn't know what he’d expected. Of course Remus wouldn’t go about getting honey in any sort of logical way.

“There are other things we will need.”

“You have a special request?”

Logan shook his head.

“I don’t. But paella requires saffron,” Logan explained. “Saffron is derived from the stigma of Crocus sativus.”

“Huh? What’s uh….” Remus trailed off, snapping his fingers a few times. “What’s the common name of that?”

“They are also known as autumn crocus, or saffron crocus. Do you know where these flowers grow?”

Remus raised his eyebrows, tapping his fingers to one another— thumb to index, thumb to middle, thumb to ring, thumb to pinkie.

“Lemme think… I have a spice garden in my side, but I didn’t know that saffron came from a fucking flower! But I do have a bit of land I could… flowers. Goddamn! Saffron from flowers! That’s pretty cool! I have to ask— how did people think of putting it on shit?”

Logan suppressed a smile as Remus flapped one of his hands a little. It felt nice, being asked harmless questions, not being interrupted. Even then, he couldn’t help but wait for the other shoe to drop, for Remus to tell him to shut up. He took a deep breath.

“It is commonly believed that saffron originated in Greece, however most of it is grown in Iran, I believe.” He paused, giving Remus ample time to say something. Instead, Remus waved his hand at him.

“Well? Go on.”

Logan shifted from foot to foot.

“Saffron is incredibly expensive due to the fact that one flower only produces three strands when it blooms, and the flowers only bloom for one week each year. Saffron has been used and cultivated by humans for more than three thousand and five hundred years, and has been used not only as a seasoning, but also as a dye, fragrance, and medicine.”

Remus grinned, eyebrows raised.

“Cocaine used to be used as a medicine! Freud diagnosed it to some of his patients for depression, I think! Did you know that cocaine, like meth, can cause people to hallucinate vermin crawling under their skin? And they’ll scratch at their skins to get them out!”

“Ah, yes, delusional parasitosis, also called formication.”

“Fornication?”

Logan shook his head.

“I doubt formication and fornication could be mistaken for one another, unless ones idea of fornication is subdermal penetration.”

“Oh, talk dirty to me!” Remus cried, rolling his shoulders. Logan couldn’t stop his lips from twitching up into a small smile, but turned his expression back to a straight face as quickly as he could.

“So what are you looking to retrieve?” Logan asked. Remus reached into one of the many pockets of his cargo shorts, and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He dramatically unfolded it.

“Apples, honey, saffron, I guess, and mussels and clams and whatever else we may find. So is that a yes?”

Logan paused for a moment. He’d been to Roman’s side of the imagination, and the land was bright and beautiful, filled with fantastical creatures and lush landscapes. However, Remus was the opposite of Roman, or at least the bits of creativity that Thomas considered unpleasant enough to purge from his consciousness. So what did that include? The horrifying, the macabre, and the explicit. Dicks, drugs, and the disturbing. None of it could hurt him. And judging by the fact Remus sought him out to come with him, he wouldn’t even be threatened. As long as he was cautious, he would remain unharmed during their journey. That was reasonable enough to assume.

But what about the others? He would be expected back at dinner, which was at five pm. That would only give him two and a half hours with Remus, and time seemed to go much faster while around him, probably something to do with how Remus’ nature distorted reality around him, that reality including the way one would perceive time passing. Logan looked into his room. If he left the door closed, the others wouldn’t bother him. Patton would leave dinner outside of his door, he’d done it before, many times, but he wouldn’t come in. So he could miss dinner. If they asked questions, he could say he was busy. And they’d believe him.

Logan stared at the yellow bucket hat, garish and blinding on top of his sheets. He swallowed.

“Yes, I will accompany you.”

Remus flapped his hands expressively, smiling like a million and a half suns. He hopped from foot to foot, then did a little spin.

“Fuck yeah! I’ll let you get changed, meet me in the kitchen as soon as possible! It’ll be so much fun!”

Just as Logan opened his mouth to tell Remus he would be wearing his usual clothing, Remus sprinted away. He let out a deep sigh. He wore his usual outfit— black dress pants, a black polo, indigo tie, dress shoes. Comfortable and professional. If he were to open his closet, there would be exact clones of the exact same outfit. Of course there was always the clothing he wore on Halloween, but a bulky, velveteen coat would be even less practical. The Sherlock costume would be out of the question, and he’d long since gotten rid of his onesie.

So that left him in his typical outfit. However, the tie around his throat could possibly get caught and damaged. Logan touched his striped indigo tie, and slowly loosened it. Halfway through doing so, he realized he would look like an absolute fool without his tie. Even to Remus. Logan pulled the tie tight, so tight it almost choked him, and walked out of his room, slowly shutting the door behind him.

Logan silently crept through the hallway then down the stairs, making sure to skip the one squeaky step. If Virgil caught him with Remus, willingly spending time with him… well, he didn’t know how he would react. Virgil hated him, saw him as a nuisance, and there certainly was some history between the two of them. He had no clue what, despite the fact Virgil had once been a ‘dark’ side.

He stepped into the kitchen. Remus sat on the table, kicking his legs back and forth. Somehow, even wearing those ridiculous clothes, he looked like he belonged in the kitchen. Logan pushed his glasses up. Remus smiled at him, hopping off of the table and grabbing his arm in a tight grip. His hands felt burning hot.

“Are you ready to go?”

Was he? If the others—

“—Yes, I am.”

Remus tugged on his arm, and they both sunk down into the white tile of the kitchen floor.

A gust of warm, sweet air hit him in the face. Logan gasped at the sensation, staggering backwards. He tripped on a stone, and landed on his ass in tall grass. All around them grew wildflowers and grass, and the clouds gently danced in the sky. The flowers swayed in the wind, blossoms of all hues growing around them. Truly, a beautiful landscape. Strange.

“Is this your side of the imagination?” Logan asked, ignoring Remus’ offered hand in favor of standing up by himself.

“Yup! Wild and uncivilized. I had an idea for a monster— it’s an intelligent being that’s made of fungi that connects to the roots of plants, like how a brain makes neuron paths! Earth brain! We’re currently standing upon the brain of the smartest being in the imagination! Well, except for you, now that you’re here.”

Logan nervously looked down at his feet, face flushed. He really didn’t want to ask what the thing looked like, but his curiosity begged him to. His ego, meanwhile, preened at the small praise.

“Does it have a body?” Logan asked, “does it need to feed?”

“Yes to both questions!” Remus proclaimed, “The body is like. Laying down sort of? It’s like a big, smart pancake! And it eats! Don’t worry, it won’t eat us. Or any other side. Or cows since it’s lactose intolerant. But it won’t eat any sentient beings, like us sides! Except for Roman and his creations of course.”

Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Why only him?”

Remus twirled around, then pointed off into the distance. Logan looked to where he was pointing, and there in the horizon he spotted a massive palace, one he immediately recognized as belonging to Roman..

Remus opened his mouth, then suddenly shut it, a manic smile splitting his face.

“Look, here comes a unicorn! Oh, you’ll love this.”

And just as Remus had said, a white stallion with a gleaming horn pranced into the field of flowers. It wandered forward, then bent down and started to graze. As it opened its mouth to take a bite, the plants suddenly burst to life, wrapping around the unicorn. It fought and kicked as the thick grass dragged it to the ground— no, into the ground, as if the prairie earth had turned into quicksand. The unicorn whinnied and thrashed, until it was pulled fully under the ground, horn disappearing in the thick foliage.

“It absorbs its prey, like a protist.” Logan said breathlessly. If he could feel, he wouldn’t know if he felt shocked or impressed.

“Yeah! This land, in like a mile wide stripe, is the border between my land and Roman’s. And I don’t want anything to do with his shit. So anything that comes over here gets chomped up by Bartholomew!”

“Bartholomew?” Logan asked.

Remus crouched, patting the ground. He flopped onto his front, pressing a little kiss to the earth.

“It goes by Bart for short. And don’t worry, we had a conversation and it’s fine with it/its pronouns. Anyways what should we get first?”

Logan stared at the earth, shifting from foot to foot. Thousands of questions were bubbling in his head, but Remus had brought him to gather ingredients, not to ask questions.

“Apples,” he croaked out. Remus leapt to his feet, looking him in the eye.

“I said it won’t absorb you. It only eats Roman and Roman’s shit. And even if you did get eaten, you’d be able to sink out. You’re safe.”

Logan inhaled slowly, then let out a deep breath. He didn’t care if he was safe. He wanted to ask how Bartholomew dissolved its prey, what acid it used to break down prey, he wanted to ask about the ph of the soil—

“Let’s go get the apples,” Logan insisted.

Remus nodded.

“The orchard is like, ten miles away? I don’t know but I can teleport us. Will it make you puke? Since Jannie told me that when he and Patton were in the imagination they saw Roman and Roman teleported them away from him and then Patton puked his guts up!”

“I don’t puke,” Logan explained, “I’m not human, and I can’t pretend to be.”

“You are a part of a human. Anyways, let’s go!”

Remus grabbed his arm, and the world shifted around them, the ground fell out from under his feet— for an instant, he felt like he was flying and falling all at the same time.

Then the ground appeared again. Logan stumbled. The sun was filtered through the branches of tall trees, taller than any apple tree he’d seen. The ground felt hard, and thorny bushes grew between each massive tree. Strangely enough, even though the air felt warm, the branches had no leaves, as if winter was coming. Logan looked down at his feet. The earth was covered in a layer of frost. He crouched down and touched it, and his fingers brushed coarse weeds and warm frost.

“This is fascinating,” Logan said. He scooped a little bit of frost into his hand. It didn’t melt.

“How so?”

“Where do I start? The trees— they’re far too tall to be apple trees, yet they still bear fruit. And they have no leaves, which raises the question of how they perform photosynthesis. Not only that but the ground is covered in frost, and the frost is warm. The frost is warm, but it also doesn’t melt in my touch. Truly fascinating.”

Remus flicked his wrist, and a red apple the size of a fist fell into his palm.

“I like the way that frost looks, but I fucking hate the cold! So I made this place! And the branches are high so I can climb them and see out above the entirety of the land! But if you take issue with the height of the trees…”

Remus took a bite of the apple. He stomped his foot. Suddenly, one of the trees shrank, smaller and smaller, until it was the size of an actual apple tree. Ripe, beautiful apples hung off the branches.

“There,” Remus said, “that should be low enough for you to reach.”

“I’m not that much shorter than you,” Logan said, “do you have something to keep the apples in?”

Remus reached into the bag, and pulled out a wicker basket. Logan almost asked how he managed to do that, but realized it would be pointless. This was Remus’ land, it ran by his rules.

“I have a question!” Remus proclaimed.

“Go ahead,” Logan said, silently glad Remus had gone back to asking questions.

“Why are you so touchy about shapeshifting? Like. You never do it. I mean when the cameras aren’t rolling. You look exactly like Thomas and you never change it up!”

Logan froze. He pulled an apple from one of the branches and set it carefully in the basket.

“Patton is emotionally unstable. Virgil is a ticking time bomb. Roman tends to prioritize fantastical ideals over reality. Janus is level headed, but Thomas only just accepted him. And I’m unsure if he’ll ever accept you.”

Remus took another big bite of the apple.

“And what does this have to do with you not shapeshifting?”

Logan sighed.

“Thomas needs someone to be steady. Someone for him to rely on and trust no matter what the situation is. I don’t want to lose his trust.”

Remus giggled. Logan picked another apple.

“He trusts Patton even when he’s a fucking puppet. It’s not about trust, is it?”

Logan set the apple down in his basket.

“How many of these do we need?”

“Fuck if I know, fill the basket. But if it’s not about trust, then what is it about?”

Logan picked an apple, staring at the deep red color. He rubbed it against his polo, and he could see his reflection.

“Thomas hasn’t been listening to me as much as he should. I’m hoping that if I maintain the same appearance as him, he’ll be more inclined to listen to what I have to say.”

Logan stared at the apple. He shouldn’t be here. If the others found out he’d spent so much time with Remus, then what would they think of him? Would they consider him a friend anymore? That plus the fact he was picking apples, something they didn’t even need to do because they could be summoned with the snap of a finger. He didn’t need to eat. Logan set the apple in his basket.

Remus hummed. He flicked his wrist again, and apples began to rain from the sky. They struck the ground hard enough to bruise, and the noise they made was thunderous.

“Do you think the apple rain helps or diminishes the experience of apple picking?”

Logan stared up at the sky— cloudy, with a chance of apples.

“I don’t think catching apples in a basket counts as picking.”

“But it does count as fun!” Remus insisted.

“It’s not very effective.”

“Really now? Watch this!”

Remus pulled another wicker basket from the bag, and held it above his head. One, two, three apples hit the basket hard. The fourth made a sickening crunch as it hit the basket, and Logan flinched.

“What was that?”

“Some of the apples have bones!”

Logan furrowed his brows, looking at Remus. Another apple fell into his basket, thankfully lacking the crunching.

“An odd feature for an apple to have. What are the purpose of the bones? Structural stability? Do the bones assist in reproduction?”

“None of that!” Remus responded, “I just like the crunch! And Jannie likes the extra calcium!”

Logan nodded. Somehow, the fact that nothing made sense was logical. This was Remus’ land, it obeyed him. He plucked another apple from the tree.

“You know, Logan,” Remus said after a moment, basket held over his head, “I think you’re Eve.”

Logan raised his eyebrow.

“And what do you mean by that?”

Remus shrugged. Another apple landed in the basket with a crunch.

“Well, you see, Eve ate the apple from the forbidden tree, because she wanted to know the difference between good and evil, she wanted to see like god. In all honesty, I don’t think she was tricked. She knew what she wanted. She knew what she was getting into. She was just scared to be held liable. She was scared of the judgement.”

Logan plucked another apple from the tree. He had to stand on his toes to reach it. What Remus was saying made no sense. If God had dropped him in the garden and told him to not eat the apple, he would’ve followed the rules. And he certainly feared no judgement. Certainly.

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t? So you would have rather stayed ignorant? Unharmed by what you don’t know?”

Logan froze. Remus continued talking.

“I remember Janus told me you really went off at him when he suggested that ignorance is bliss. So, I think you’re just like Eve. I mean, would you give up peace for knowledge?”

Logan plucked another apple. Of course he would. What he wanted more than anything was a life full of books and reading, knowing everything there was to know. Being an academic.

“That isn’t my choice to make. Thomas has chosen his path in life.”

“But what if it was your choice? Then what would you do?”

Logan picked another apple. The basket was close to full.

“I would choose knowledge. I have told you what I would do as a human, I would pursue knowledge above all. I wouldn’t be able to stop my pursuit. I would never be satisfied.”

Remus snapped his fingers, and the apple rain stopped as suddenly as it started.

“Wisdom cries out in the street; in the squares she raises her voice. Proverbs 1, verse 20. You’d never be able to stop learning once you started. Which I think is pretty cool!” Remus looked him dead in the eye, lowering his basket from his head. “You’re a passionate guy, Lo. Show it. I liked hearing you talk about saffron. And if they won’t listen? Then—“

“Then make them listen. Yes. You said it before.” Logan sighed. “I must admit, I don’t think I would be able to. Once they see me as a joke, it’s over. I’m only listened to when I’m being used to counter something that inhibits Virgil and Patton. For example, when you and Janus first appeared. I… I think we have enough apples.”

Remus took his basket, full of apples, and shoved it into the bag. Logan gave him his basket, and watched Remus make it disappear.

“If they won’t listen to you just because they see you act improperly, because they see you smile and feel happy, then they’re a bunch of hypocrites that I want to punt into the fucking sun.”

Logan took a deep breath in. A tiny little voice inside of him screamed to lash out, punch a tree in anger and frustration and pain, but that would be illogical. The apples had been picked. That was all. Now saffron, or honey, or whatever Remus would drag him to next. Then he’d be back in his room, asleep in his chair, then in the morning—

“I honestly don’t know why you care so much,” Remus said.

Logan exhaled.

“They’re all I have.”

Remus set a hand on his shoulder.

“Well, you’re have me now, too. Let’s go get the saffron!”

The earth suddenly fell out from under his feet. Logan couldn’t help the surprised yelp that escaped his mouth, hand flying out to grab Remus’ arm. Then as quickly as it disappeared, the earth came back, and his feet hit the ground. He yanked his hand away from Remus, brushing invisible dust off of the front of his shirt.

They had appeared in a desert. The sun beat down bright and strong, no clouds in the sky to inhibit it. His feet sank into the sand. A harsh wind kicked up the sand, and it flew around in a flurry like a blizzard. Logan gazed at the horizon. Nothing for miles and miles, just sand, low and level.

“Is this where you find saffron?” Logan asked. Remus crossed his arms.

“You should know better than anyone that flowers can’t grow in a desert! And besides, I just found out saffron came from flowers. So I have to grow them!”

Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Why bring us to a desert then?”

Remus smiled.

“Oh, you’ll see.”

Remus turned away from him. He raised his hands out, like he was conducting a band. He slowly breathed in. Logan felt the sand under his feet shift, pull together, and shake. Logan’s eyes went wide.

“What’re you—“

Remus turned back to Logan, eyes filled with fire.

“What is the best condition for crocuses, Logan?”

Logan swallowed, mouth suddenly dry.

“Saffron crocuses bloom in early to mid fall, and prefer sandy loam and lots of sunshine. They prefer soil with good drainage, as well as a pH range of 6.0 to 7.0. Crocus grow best in hardiness zones 5 through 8, not too hot, but not too cold either.”

A cool, fall breeze ruffled Remus’ hair and the fishnet shirt he wore. Logan raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t tell the temperature, but it certainly had gotten cooler.

“What is sandy loam?” Remus asked, knocking Logan’s train of thought off the tracks.

Logan paused for a moment. Remus really wanted to know. But why? The imagination didn’t follow the laws of physics or nature, why would he want to know? He said he liked hearing him talk. But did he?

“Sandy loam is soil that, while containing silt and clay, has primarily sand in it. It is a good soil for gardening because of its draining abilities… Does it matter?”

Remus tilted his head.

“Well, if you were to be making a big ol’ crocus field, you’d care about the soil! Everything about it! So since it matters to you…”

Remus smiled brightly, and grabbed Logan’s arm, tugging him. Logan let himself be pulled, finding himself right in front of Remus, stumbling as the ground shifted under his feet. Bright sand melded together and changed, turning into dark, rich earth. Logan knelt, scooping a little bit into his hand. Sandy loam.

The soil in his hand moved, like a miniature earthquake. A small, green sprout rose from the dirt, reaching towards the sun. Delicate green leaves grew, and so did a small, purple bud. It opened. Vibrant amethyst petals showed themselves to him, but so did three red stigma. Saffron.

“My god,” Logan said, “that was amazing!”

Remus snorted out a laugh.

“What, you've never seen Roman do something like that?”

Logan shook his head. Roman preferred to run his side of the imagination like an actual human kingdom, planting saplings and waiting patiently for them to grow. Sometimes, he’d see Roman in the wheat fields, harvesting wheat with a large iron scythe, just how a human would do. He let everything take its time, and grow at its own pace.

“Really?” Remus crowed. “Well then— watch this!”

Remus cackled, and snapped his fingers.

The ground shifted under Logan’s knees, and hundreds of little green sprouts poked out from the dark earth, basking in the gentle sunlight. Glorious purple buds opened to reveal perfect crocuses, each with three sprigs of saffron inside. Logan gazed out to the horizon. The desert had turned to a field of purple, as grand and never ending as a sunset.

Logan’s jaw dropped open in shock. For miles and miles, nothing but crocus…

“Amazing,” Logan whispered, “absolutely amazing.”

With a thud, Remus sat down next to him. He leaned forward, and tore one of the crocuses from the ground, holding it up to Logan. Then, the petals shuddered, as if blown by an invisible wind, merging and shifting until they had formed a purple frog.

“Look,” Remus exclaimed, “it’s a croak-us!”

Logan couldn’t help but snort with laughter, covering his mouth quickly. His eyes went wide. Remus didn’t seem to have any intention of poking fun at him for laughing, but it was better safe than sorry. Though he couldn’t help but think of Remus, sat at the kitchen table in nothing but an apron, saying that he’d beaten him fair and square, and could do so again. Logan lowered his hand from his mouth, chuckling quietly. It was a pretty funny pun.

"Yes," Logan opened his mouth, closed it, then exhaled. "'It's quite ribbit-ing."

Logan looked up, meeting Remus’ eyes. There was no judgement, no smugness. Remus looked absolutely fucking delighted, a manic glint in his eyes.

"You've toad the line!” Remus cackled. Logan laughed quietly, staring right at the little frog in the flower, trying to think of another frog pun. His brows furrowed in thought.

"Did you know that in South America, there's a species of big frog with enough poison to kill two thousand men?” Remus said, interrupting Logan’s train of a thought.

"I don't believe that's true. The golden dart frog grows only up to five millimeters, as opposed to the goliath frog, which can grow up to three-hundred and twenty, and weigh just over four pounds."

“Damn, you know a lot about frogs,” Remus said, “it’s pretty cool!”

“I researched them extensively after Patton turned into one, just in case another problem arose.”

They stared at each other, much too long to be considered normal. Remus's lips twitched. The silence grated on Logan’s nerves. Had he said something wrong?

“Would you like to play a word association game?” Logan nervously asked.

"Part two: Electric Boogaloo!" Remus exclaimed, startling the croak-us enough to hop into the fields of its former kin.

He brought his hand down onto Logan's in a low five, purple petals smeared onto his palm. Remus was still grinning, parts of his moustache standing on end, like he'd been shocked. Electric Boogaloo. Remus sat, cross-legged in the new soil so they were face to face. Logan brushed against him, and felt the burn of a spark go out on his leg. Electric Boogaloo, again.

"Vampire,” Remus said.

Logan’s mind jumped to when Virgil had dressed as a vampire for halloween.

"Halloween."

“Black?”

"Orange."

"Bok choy!” Remus chirped.

Logan paused. What led to that connection? Remus shrugged.

"Plant,” Logan said, brushing off his previous confusion.

"Maple.”

"Canada.”

"Pancakes."

"Syrup."

"HONEY!"

Remus snapped, loud as a cracking whip. Logan watched him shake a freshly printed page he clutched in his hand, peering at it intensely.

“It says on our list that we need honey!”

Logan looked back out at the field of crocuses. Every single one of them had three sprigs of saffron inside, red and beautiful. He could smell it, the aroma beautiful and heavy.

“We have to harvest the saffron first, for the paella. How much will we need for the recipe, Remus?”

Remus sighed.

“Harvesting saffron ourselves sounds like a big waste of time. Don’t you think?”

Logan brushed his fingers on the warm, rich soil. He imagined Remus and him in the field of saffron, carefully plucking saffron from the flowers, putting the delicate threads in jars to be dried later. Then he could ask all the questions in the world about the soil, the saffron. He could spend hours talking to Remus about everything he wanted to. He wanted to say so much. And yet his mouth wouldn’t obey him. Remus wouldn’t tell him to shut up, so what was stopping him? Nothing was stopping him.

“Yes,” Logan said, “it would take up a good deal of time. But honey won’t take that long, will it?”

“I don’t even need honey,” Remus admitted, “I just wanted an excuse to spend time with you without any of the others popping in or having to wait until like five am. You’re the functional one, you gotta get some sleep.”

Logan’s eyebrows shot up. Oh. Remus’ words slowly went through his head. His heart did a backflip— even though that certainly was anatomically impossible— and his lungs stopped taking in air.

“Yeah,” Logan said, voice quiet, “I do. I mean— uh. Spending time with you is much better than laying unconscious for eight hours.”

“As if you get eight hours of sleep,” Remus said, a bright smile plastered on his face.

“So. We don’t need honey?”

“We still need mussels.”

“Mussels, yeah,” Logan said, breathless, standing up, “lead the way.”

“What about the saffron?” Remus said, raising an eyebrow. He stood.

“...Well. We can always come back for that some other time.”

Remus nodded, a bright smile plastered on his face.

“Yeah, some other time. Well then. Off we go!”

Remus grabbed Logan’s arm, and the world fell away from them. Logan closed his eyes.

Waves crashed gently. He could hear them, and feel a cold sea breeze blow on his skin, ruffling his hair. He slowly opened his eyes. Apparently, night had fallen while his eyes were shut, and moonlight bathed everything in a pearly pale light. The air smelled like salt. Both of his feet were solidly on a wooden dock. Remus’ hand still felt warm on his arm.

“How long did that take?” Logan asked. The sun had still been up when they left.

“It’s always night here,” Remus explained, shifting his weight from foot to foot, “I like it better that way. Look at the beach and you’ll see why.”

Logan turned his head. The moon shone gently on the black sand beach, but more impressive were the waves— each foaming, rushing wave carried with it an ethereal teal glow, like all the stars in the sky were gently ebbing with every wave. Logan stared at the water, eyes wide.

“The waves glow like that because of an algal bloom, right? And when the water moves it causes the algae to glow. It is absolutely wonderful, Remus.”

Remus smiled, running his hand through his hair, almost as if he was shy.

“Thanks, this place is one of the first places I’ve ever made, and the first one I felt satisfied with. The rest of this place I like to keep constantly changing, but not here.”

Remus walked to the end of the dock. He calmly set his bag down, then yanked off his fishnet top, holding it in his hand. Logan watched his hands undo the button of his shorts, then watched Remus toss his shorts onto the dock, revealing the bright green speedo he wore, leaving nothing up to the imagination. Remus raised his arms out like Christ on the cross, looking up at the full moon. Then he tilted backwards, gracefully falling off the dock, and landing in the water with a loud splash.

Logan slowly walked to the end of the dock. He knelt, knees pressed against wet wood. Even through the glowing waves and the dark water he could see Remus’ back, his legs, pale skin disappearing quickly underwater.

Logan’s hands clasped the indigo fabric of his tie. Then they drifted down. He sat down, cross legged, staring down at the water. Slowly, he took one shoe off, setting it carefully behind him. Then the other. He pulled off his socks and placed them in his shoes. Then his pants, leaving him in boxers, his shirt, and his tie. He took off his glasses.

His hands clasped his tie again. He gazed at the water, dark as the night around him except for the beautiful waves and the occasional glimpse of Remus’ skin. Then he raised his head, staring out into the distance. He could see for miles. Empty, dark ocean, with no land in sight. Slowly, he loosened the knot. His hands shook.

Remus wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t care if he took off his tie. He wouldn’t see him as less. He would see him as Logic, as Logan. Nothing less.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath of cold, salty air. pulled off his tie, setting it with the rest of his clothing. Before he could lose his nerve he yanked his shirt off, threw it haphazardly in the pile of clothing, and ran to the end of the dock. He jumped. Time seemed to slow as he rushed through the air, flying to the water—

He landed with a loud, graceless splash. The water around him lit up like fireworks. Surprisingly, the water felt warm compared to the bite of the wind. Logan couldn’t tell where Remus was, he just knew he was underwater with him now. Logan kicked and paddled until he reached the surface, gasping for breath. A sharp laugh escaped him. His heart pounded in his chest— he could feel it beating, even though he knew he didn’t need one to function. The waves rushed over him, bright as all the stars.

Logan treaded water in place, then let himself tilt back, until he floated on his back. Waves gently rocked him, and he let them. What had he been so scared of? He laughed again, much quieter, listening to the waves rush to shore.

Next to him, he heard Remus surface, taking a deep breath.

“You good?” Remus asked. Logan turned his head a little, looking at Remus. His hair was soaked, plastered to his forehead.

“Perfectly fine,” Logan responded, “and you?”

Remus didn’t answer, just smiled and sunk into the water. The wind blew cold over his skin, sending a shudder up his spine. Remus had to be swimming under him, collecting the mussels he’d use for the paella. Logan couldn’t help but wait for the time they’d be able to spend in the kitchen, knees bumping, or the time they’d spend collecting saffron, the sun shining on violet flowers in a golden gleam.

Logan breathed out slowly. There was something with Remus that made all his thoughts become portraits. Cohesive, yes, but coated in a loveliness that never used to be there. It might have to do with the imagination. It might not.

The waves beneath him swelled, then gently ebbed out. Remus surfaced again, treading water as easily as breathing. He’d changed his fishnet top into a net, which was full of mussels and what looked like clams, maybe? Logan couldn’t tell.

Remus gingerly grabbed Logan’s arm. The waves under them swelled.

“Let’s go back up onto the dock,” Remus whispered.

Logan nodded. Within the blink of the eye, they both appeared on the dock, both of them soaking wet. Remus shook his head like a dog, water flying everywhere. Logan raised his hand to keep the water from hitting him, even though he was already absolutely soaked. Remus set the bag of shellfish on the dock with a clatter.

He calmly took one out of the net, and Logan realized they were oysters, not clams. Remus grabbed his bag, unzipping one of the pockets and pulling out a knife. He held the oyster carefully, curved side flat against his palm, and wiggled his knife into the hinge between the shells. Remus’ hands were surprisingly steady, even as the knife slipped between the shells and the oyster popped open. He scraped the knife against the inside of the shell, freeing up the meat, then knocked the oyster back like a shot.

Silently, he offered Logan the knife. Their fingers brushed as Logan took the hilt of the knife, grabbing an oyster from the net. He mimicked Remus’ movements, trying to slip the knife between the two shells. Remus chuckled, and grabbed the hand that held the knife.

“You have to press harder,” he said, “you can’t finesse your way into the shell, you have to put some oomf behind it. If you don’t, it’ll never ever open up.”

Logan swallowed. He felt oddly lightheaded as Remus guided the knife between the shells of the oyster, helping him push the knife into the space between the shell, easing the hinges apart with the flat of the blade. The shell slipped into the cup of his fingers, just so, supported by the weight of Remus's hands over his, thumb pushing against his, twisting the hinge open with a pop.

"See?" Remus was grinning, that ever-present expression of glee, and Logan tore his eyes from it to the movement of hands again, guiding the knife under the oyster to lift the flat shell off.

"These would be good for the garden," Logan blurted out. Remus looked up, just as attentive as he'd always been, and the words caught in his throat for a second. "For- for the soil, oyster shells, when ground into powder, have been shown to improve soil pH and nutrient status, strengthening cell walls due to an increase in calcium, overall resulting in healthier produce.”

Remus tilted his head. Logan’s face flushed.

“...I know you employ an extraordinary method of growing and cultivating, and therefore have no need for this knowledge, but tossing them aside or simply letting them disappear seemed.. unnecessary."

"I think you need to stop worrying about what I need to know, and start asking what else I'd want to hear,” Remus said with a grin, “But it is flattering that you think it's extraordinary. Now why don’t you try the oyster?”

Logan stared at the meat of the oyster.

“I just… drink it?”

“Like a shot, yeah.”

Logan slowly brought the oyster to his mouth. Slowly, he tilted his head back, opening his mouth.

The taste made his eyes go wide. The meat of the oyster was plump against his tongue, but it tasted like coppery brine. He swallowed it without chewing, since he hadn’t noticed Remus’ jaw moving. The coppery taste lingered on his tongue. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath of fresh, ocean air.

“Why don’t you stay here?” Remus suddenly asked. Logan’s eyes shot wide open. He had another oyster in his hands, wriggling his knife between the shells.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Remus looked down at the oyster, face surprisingly blank and unreadable.

“You spend all day in your room except for when you come out and cook with me. I have a feeling that I almost wasn’t able to get you out of your room today. So why don’t you just stay here? I can make you a castle or a cottage for you to study in, and you won’t have to worry about the others bothering you. And you’ll be able to come here whenever you want. So what do you say. Will you stay?”

Logan stared down at his hands. He could. He could say yes, and watch Remus make him a place to stay, a place that was truly his. No worries of anyone walking in and seeing him disheveled, just himself and Remus.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t say yes. I’m needed with the rest of the sides, and Virgil may see my leaving as betrayal, or a sign of untrustworthiness. I need to keep them on my side. I need them to trust me, to listen to me.”

Remus still was fixated on the oyster. The knife slipped between the two shells, and it popped open. Remus’ brows rose.

“I still think you’d enjoy it here more than you would crammed in your little room all the time. And I don’t know how to tell you in a way that’ll make you listen, but they need you more than you think they do. You are all of Thomas’ cleverness and wit. Where would he be without you? Creativity is nothing without knowledge— whether its working with or against knowledge.”

Logan shook his head. Remus slowly reached for Logan’s hand. Logan let him take it, pull his fingers open, and press something into his palm. It felt like a pebble. Logan felt his hands ball into fists.

“Roman seems to mostly work against me, but at least Thomas heeds his words. I really can’t stay here. I…. I should honestly go. It’s late.”

Logan awkwardly stood, fists still clenched. Remus looked up at him with wide eyes, brows furrowed.

“Are you sure?”

Logan opened his mouth, but no words came out. A part of him still wanted to stay, to sit with Remus at the dock and watch the glowing waves, to eat oysters with him. He closed his mouth and nodded. Remus sighed.

“Alright. I’ll teleport you and your clothes back to your room. Just… you’re welcome back whenever you want. Don’t be a stranger, Logan.”

Logan smiled. He wanted to say something, but the next thing he knew the world vanished around him. Then it reappeared, and he saw the door to his room. There was a bowl of spaghetti in front of it. It had long grown cold, but Logan picked it up anyways, and stepped into his room.

He set the bowl of spaghetti on his desk, and haphazardly tossed his clothes on the floor. He felt soaked to the bone, and started to shiver a little, even though he knew he couldn’t feel cold, couldn’t feel pain, couldn’t feel the cocktail of conflicting emotions inside of him. With a sigh, he sat in his office chair. His hands, still curled into fists, shook slightly. What had Remus given him? Slowly, he relaxed his fingers.

Resting in his palm was a round, black pearl.

Logan stared at the black pearl in his palm. A million different thoughts rushed through his head, most of them strange and illogical. He could go back to the pier and watch the luminescent waves, or help Remus grind the oyster shells down into fertilizer. And they would eat oysters together until they had enough pearls to make a necklace, a necklace he’d wear wherever he went.

Then what?

Then Logan would wear the necklace, and someone would ask where he got it from.

This was for the best for Thomas’ stability. It had to be.

Logan let his head flop against the headrest of his office chair, and shut his eyes, hoping sleep would take him.

He never let go of the pearl.

#Sanders sides #Logan sanders #remus sanders #intrulogical #sanders side fic #they share a kitchen #patton sanders #virgil sanders

724 notes · View notes

levis-hazelnut · 3 years

Text

Summary: when you and your best friend, Hanji, were younger, you had made up stories about your dream guys - what they would look like and how you would meet. What happens when the one you had made up appears to be real?

Warning(s): mentions of abuse (if you squint). Please do tell me if there are anymore.

Taglist: closed

Status: completed!

part 1 > part 2

series masterlist

(a/n: i love mikasa, she’s a queen. But I’m sorry because she’s gonna be a bitch in this lol)

"(Y/N)! (Y/N)! (Y/N)! (Y/N)!!!!!!!!" Before that call, I was peacefully eating lunch with my friends and didn't wish for any interruptions from my crazy, loud best friend. I was just sitting there with some of my calm friends that I was in the mood for; quietly speaking about life, no stress, no laughter, no loud talking - just nice conversation. Other times (most of the time), however, I would be in the mood for my best friend, wanting laughter, craziness and loud talking. But this wasn't one of those times... So why the hell was she here sprinting and screeching for me? "(Y/N)!!!!!!!" "For fuck's sake," I murmured. "What do you want, Hanji?" I asked when she pushed off Connie, who was sitting opposite me, and sat in his place. She leaned forward and caught her breath as her gaze was not at me, but behind me. Before I could turn around, she grabbed my head and forced me to face her which made me frown. "What the hell is going on?" "Okay, so... Remember about five years ago when we would talk about our dream guy and meeting them later in life. And remember when we said that you would find your dream guy in university..."

"Hanji--" "Don't talk. Let me finish the story of the past." *FLASHBACK* With the sun beaming down on me and Hanji as we ate our lunch together on the grass, we stupidly and crazily told each other about our dream husbands. The appearance of my dream guy was based on a character from a show I watched. And because we were still young, horny and stupid, we let our imagination create stories of how we would meet our dream guy. Let's forget about Hanji's and skip to mine... So, Hanji had thought of it with that extraordinary brain of hers. She said that, "We would be having lunch with our new friends, and maybe some of our school ones like Connie, Eren, Sasha, Jean and Armin. Anyway, you would be talking to someone as I sit next to you, quietly eating--" "Hanji, that's already not going to be true. How are you going to be quiet?" "Hush, let me carry on. So, I'll be eating, maybe not quietly, and then I look around the canteen and see him... walking with his lunch in his hand. Standing there in his handsomeness, with black hair, grey eyes, a light complexion, emotionless expression. I don't know what his personality is when he's there, but his appearance is pretty similar to how we imagine him to be. I gasp and smack your shoulder many times to get your attention which you click your tongue at. I point towards him and you look where I'm staring, which is when you gasp as well, trying to find the words but I already know what you're going to say. And we get up and stalk him. As we do that, I spot his keys in his bag and cleverly take them, passing them to you. When he sits down, I tell you to give it to him but you're too shy so I push you forward until you're in his sight. He looks at you and you shyly hold them out to him, saying: 'I think these are yours. You dropped them'. And then he thanks you and you live happily ever after." "... That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. But, if that does happen, then I love you and your brain." And since that day, she kept on adding to the story which made me excited to meet my future husband. Of course, however, I knew this story of hers wasn't going to come true, no matter how young, horny and stupid I was. *END OF FLASHBACK* "Yes, Hanji, I remember that. But why are you telling me this?" "You idiotic fool! He's right there behind you!" "I swear, if you're lying--" "I'm not, I'm not!! Just look!" I slowly twisted my head to see the man I've wanted to marry for many years. Was he really there? Is Hanji just playing a prank on me? I took a deep breath and looked to see who she was talking about... And there he was, exactly how I had imagined. Well, maybe not exactly, but extremely similar. "Hanji, you already know what we're doing?" She vigorously nodded as both of us got up and raced towards him, and then slowed down when we got closer so we don't look like weirdos or creeps (which we technically were). He was holding no bag, but luckily, Hanji saw his credit card in his back pocket and somehow got it without him realising.

I never knew how much I loved her until this moment. This mysterious, kind of magical man sat down on a table with two of his other friends. But I could care less about them. Taking a deep breath, I tapped his shoulder and he looked up at me with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They may have had no shimmer or emotion in them, but they still entranced me. I didn't realise I was staring for too long until he spoke, "Are you just going to stand there and look at me, or actually say something, brat?" Maybe those weren't the first words I expected to hear, but at least it was something. His voice was deep and velvety and void of any emotion and I wanted to hear him speak more. It probably wasn't even that attractive to other people, but this was someone I had made up in my mind and he's right here in front of me, so I'm going to fall in love with every aspect with him. "Oh, sorry... Um, you dropped this," I said quietly and held out his card to him. He lifted an eyebrow at first before taking it from me, his fingers skimming my skin as he did that. "Hey, are you okay? Why do you keep staring into space like that?" "Uh, yeah, I-I'm fine. Just a little tired. Anyway, um... I'm going to go... eat my lunch. Bye." "Thank you, by the way, random person." I laughed lightly. "(Y/N)." "Thank you, (Y/N)." "So--" "Hey, (Y/N)!!" I mentally rolled my eyes when my name was called and my best friend appeared beside me, throwing an arm onto my shoulders. "What do you need, Hanji?" I murmured. "I just wanted to know who your new, little friend is. Looks like you were having fun." "Um, no. I just gave him his card since he dropped it." "Oh, so you're best friends now! Why don't you sit right next to him and have lunch together?" "Hanji," I said in a tone for her to back off. But she carried on anyway, pushing me onto the seat next to the man. "I'm so sorry about her. She's... insane." "I can tell," he said, eyeing both of us up and down. We were both definitely going to be the weirdos he should stay away from. "Well, you can go--" "(Y/N), I think you should stay! You seem like a delightful person!" the girl with pigtails opposite me squealed and I smiled at her. "It's nice to make new friends," a blonde male next to her stated with a polite smile. "Let her stay, Levi." "Oh, it's fine. My friends are probably wondering where I am," I stated, turning to find Hanji, but she wasn't there. "Shit," I mumbled. "What's wrong?" "Oh, nothing. I mean, I literally just came to give him his card and now I'm having lunch with you three. It's kind of weird." "'Him' has a name," he muttered bitterly. "It's Levi." "Sorry, Levi." I want to marry you, Levi. "You can leave now if you want." "Uh, yeah, I should probably go," I said and started to get up. "No, stay! Levi, you can't just push someone away!" the female with green eyes scolded him. "We barely even know her." "So? It's good to meet nice people and become friends." "Tch. You two can do whatever you want, then." "Maybe I can join you guys for lunch another time. Looks like Mr Moody doesn't want company." "Mr Moody?" he repeated and lifted an eyebrow at me. "You just met me and you're giving me that nickname?" "Uhh... I'm going to go now." "Bye, (Y/N)! I'm Isabel, by the way, and this is Farlan." "Bye, Isabel, Farlan. It was nice talking to you." I got up without addressing the raven-haired male and made my way back to my table, huffing as soon as I sat down. "I messed up bad," I complained to myself, causing the bald male beside me to inquire what happened. "It's nothing. Just me being stupid and childish to think that I'll magically be able to become some gloomy guy's girlfriend." "Who is this 'gloomy guy'?" "It's (Y/N)'s crush who's sitting right over there with that grinning girl and some other guy!" "Hanji, just forget about it. He hates me." "I've never seen him before," Connie stated, taking a secret glance at him. "We just saw him today as well." "And he's already your crush?" "Basically--" "Hanji, we promised that we won't tell anyone," I snapped. "It's stupid and I never want to talk about it again." "I mean, it's not really stupid if he's real. It could just be your fault because you were nervous and acted awkward around him. But then again, it could be my fault because I kind of forced you to sit next to him. Maybe I should let you do it your own way. So, for once, (Y/N), I won't get involved. I don't want this chance to go." "I doubt you'll be able to keep that promise." "I will! I don't want you to be annoyed and depressed forever. So you do whatever you want. And you can slap me if I get involved in the tiniest way." "Okay. Thank you, Hanji." "I'm still so confused," the baldie said. "Maybe I'll tell you one day, Connie. Maybe when I make progress." "Okay--" "Oh my god!! I just realised - he's actually real and right there!" I suddenly yelled, causing the canteen to quieten as students looked at me with confusion. "Ugh, I'm such an idiot. I need to stop making a fool out of myself. Did Levi look at me, Hanji?" "No. But he obviously still heard you." "God, I just want to die..." ~/~ Thanks to my roommate, I had to rush my morning routine and miss breakfast since I had to run to the university, which was about a five-minute walk away. Since I was running, however, it took me three minutes. I was definitely going to give Hanji what she deserves for not waking me up. I stumbled into the lecture hall to find that they had already started. I quickly apologised for being late and found a random spot to settle down and catch my breath. I took my laptop out of my bag and gulped on some water as I waited for it to load. And I soon got to work, focusing on the lecture and not taking notice of the people around me. As I was listening to my professor, someone beside me whispered my name and so I rotated my head to look at them. Act cool. Be calm, (Y/N). Just because you're taking the same course and you're going to see him more than you thought, doesn't mean you can freak out. "Do you have a pen I could borrow?" Levi asked in a hushed tone and I sifted through my clothes and bag to find a pen that he can use. After about a minute of looking, I found one at the bottom of my bag and passed it to him with a smile. He thanked me before both of us got on with our work. I could barely concentrate now that I knew who I was sitting next to, but I still tried my best. Towards the end of the lecture, which seemed like hours, my stomach rumbled and I froze and internally cringed. Why did that have to happen? Well, I didn't have breakfast so I guess it's understandable, but still. Shortly, I was able to leave, so everyone filed out and I packed my things away, slinging my bag over my shoulder as I made my way out. As I was leaving the hall, a familiar, husky voice called for me and I stopped. "You know, for someone that doesn't like people, you sure like saying people's names," I joked. "I was just going to give you your pen back and ask if you wanted to grab something to eat since it sounds and looks like you haven't had breakfast." "Shit, was my stomach that loud?" "I couldn't hear Professor Erwin," he said with no amusement, but something told me that he was just joking with me. I playfully rolled my eyes and let a small laugh escape my mouth before taking the pen from his hand and walking out with him following after me. "Hey, so yesterday, I was kind of in a bad mood which is why I acted like that. Though, I am usually cold and unfriendly and--" "What are you trying to say?" "Let's start over. Isabel and Farlan made me feel guilty, so let's get you some breakfast and know each other some more. All I know is that you and your glasses friend are weirdos." "Well, thank you very much for saying that, Mr Moody. We are weirdos, and we're proud." "Hey, Levi!" "Hey, (Y/N)!!" There were two different voices and two different names being called at the same time, yet they were coming from the same direction. Two sighs sounded when I saw Hanji and Levi saw Isabel. "What did I miss? Why are you two walking together?" Isabel asked. "We're going to get some breakfast. Since you, Hanji, never woke me up," I replied, arching an eyebrow and folding my arms over my chest. "I didn't know when your first lecture was, and I thought you would've put an alarm. How late were you?" "You weren't that late, you know. We started about a minute before you came." "So, I look like a mess and didn't make coffee for no damn reason? Ugh, I'm so glad I have no more lectures today." "Well, I need to head to my next lecture, so I guess I'll see you at home," Hanji smiled before fast-walking. "Me, too. Bye!" "Let's go?" I suggested and he nodded in response. Some words were spoken as we took our time in getting to a cafe that was a two-minute walk away. I told him a bit about myself, but he had very little to say as if he was hiding a shady past or something like that. Nevertheless, I didn't pry. "So you're not only a weirdo, but a perv as well?" "Hey! I'm not a pervert," I pouted, trying to fight back a smile. "It was a dare from Hanji... Though, I don't regret doing it," I muttered. "Perv." "Hush. Eren's ass is perfect to squeeze." "I don't want to know that," Levi said with a hint of disgust as he opened the door to the cafe, letting me go in first. We walked towards the queue and continued our conversation. "Well, if you want to start over and get to know me, then you have to know that I'm a weirdo, maybe a perv, and let's just say that you don't want to make me angry." "So you are a perv?" "Okay, fine. Yes, I am a perv," I announced. "And just like how I'm proud of being weird, I'm also proud of being a pervert." "Are you proud of letting your stomach rumble as well?" "Shut it, Ackerman." "Oh, hey, (Y/N)," the male at the register smiled. "Hi, Eren." I grinned back at him, seeing his gaze on the raven beside me. "This is Levi. I guess you could say we're acquaintances." "This is Eren?" Levi inquired and I saw a certain glint in his eyes. That is when I realised that I had told him I squeezed Eren's butt after getting a dare. Oh, why did I have a feeling that he was going to embarrass me? "Yeah. Nice to meet you, Levi. What do you guys want?" "You go first," I told the male and he nodded. "An Earl Grey, please." "Okay. And you, princess?" "Well, loverboy, could I get a coffee and pain au chocolat?" "Of course. Anything else?" "No, thanks," I replied, searching my pockets for my purse. Then my bag, but I couldn't find it. I bit the inside of my lip and turned to Levi. "I don't have my purse on me. Sorry. I'll pay you back." "You're too broke to do that, princess," he murmured and paid for our food. "Shut up. Thank you, Eren. Thank you, Levi." "No problem. I'll bring your drinks and food in a bit." I shot him another smile before strolling to a table with two seats facing each other. I took a seat, hanging my coat on the chair and dropped my bag to the ground, under my feet. "You and that kid in a relationship or something?" he randomly questioned after there was a moment of silence. "Me and Eren? No, no. We just have that kind of friendship where we act like a couple and call each other names. We don't actually like each other or anything. And he has a girlfriend, well, sort of." "What do you mean 'sort of'?" "It's not a stable relationship. There have been a few problems, and I've tried to tell Eren to just forget about her but he can't. I just want him to be happy with someone that truly cares for him and doesn't cause him any distress. He's come to me so many times just to cry over her." "What's her name?" "Mikasa." "What about Mikasa?" Eren spoke with a slight frown, placing down our things in front of us. "Oh, I was just talking about how she has the same surname as Levi and was wondering if he knew her." "Okay. Well, here's your coffee, tea and pain au chocolat. If there's anything else you need, just tell me." "Thank you." "... You're a good liar." "I'll take that as a compliment. Also, I'm surprised you haven't taken the chance to embarrass me yet." "Embarrass you? Why would I ever do that?" he remarked sarcastically, but obviously my dense ass couldn't sense that. "Because you know which boy's butt I squeezed, and you could expose me for being a pervert. Though, he already knows that I am. Everyone I know knows what kind of person I am." "A weirdo and a pervert," he stated after taking a sip of his tea. "I wonder what other traits you have." I snorted. "Are you sure you want to know?" He gave me a small glance, perfectly arching his brow. I felt as if I've known this person for longer than two days. Probably because me and Hanji have spoken about him for many years now. But, even then, I feel like we have a certain bond. And no, I'm not just saying that because he's the love of my life; I truly think we can create a strong friendship... and then, maybe something a little more. Even though he's a made-up person that became true, I sometimes forget who I'm talking to and just internally scream when I realise. But, seriously, how did this happen? I don't think I'll ever be able to believe that he became true (and maybe one day, I won't believe that I'm marrying him hehe). "Oi, you're spacing out again. Is that a habit of yours or are you just always tired? Or do you have someone on your mind?" "There's no one on my mind, I'm just always tired. Boys can piss off and leave me alone... apart from you, Levi. I love you-- Uhh, I mean, obviously I don't love you. We literally just met, I don't love you. It's just, uh, it's fun to hang out with you. You aren't like others... Ugh, I'm an idiot." I facepalmed the table and refused to look back at the male in front of me. "You aren't an idiot, you're a weirdo. Don't forget that. Anyway, I think we should head out because you look like you're going into a meltdown or something." "Sure. I'm just going to quickly finish my coffee." I gulped down the last few sips and left the mug on the table, thanking Levi for paying. He only nodded as I waved at Eren, who stopped us from leaving. "Could you wait like two minutes? My shift's over and I just want to relax at yours." "Yeah, sure. Levi, you can go if you want. I feel like I'm just dragging you around." "I'm the one that brought you here. I don't care about waiting for a brat." "Brat? He's the same age as us." "Yeah, I know. I just call people that, don't get offended, darlin'." "Darling? What's with these nicknames you're so generously handing out?" "Says that one that called me 'Mr Moody' in the first ten minutes we spoke." "Hey, you said yourself that you were in a bad mood." "Thanks for waiting. Should we go?" the teal-eyed boy beamed and I nodded, hooking my arm with his as he stuffed his hands into his pocket before all three of us left the cosy cafe. "So, where did Levi magically come from?" "He joined my uni yesterday, but we got off on the wrong foot and decided to start over. And since we're both doing biochemistry, he saw my miserable entrance, looking like a mess. And, my stupid belly chose to rumble so Levi kindly offered to get me breakfast. Now, we're just getting to know each other." "She's a pervert," Levi curtly said. "Yeah, that basically sums her up. Along with her being weird, tired, broke and an awesome friend." "You're lucky you added that last one before my fist was in your face." "Oh, she's also an adorable threatener. But, do not get on her bad side because she will be a monster towards you." "Yeah, Levi knows most of this already." "And I already regret talking to you," he teased. "Shut up, Ackerman." "Anyway, I'm going this way," Levi announced, pointing to the left as we were about to turn right. "We don't have any lectures tomorrow, so maybe I'll see you on Wednesday?" "Yeah. Bye, Levi." "See you later, darlin'. By the way, Eren, (Y/N) likes your ass." "Jerk," I muttered before looking at Eren, who just grinned at me. "And that's why you're a pervert." Both of us started to walk again but since I was holding onto him, I came to halt when he stopped in his tracks, pulling me to the side. "Tell me: why are you so comfortable around someone you just met?" "I'm not that comfortable. And you know I'm always friendly to new people." "Yeah, but not like this. What's the deal with you and him.?" "Nothing, Eren. Stop worrying. I'll tell you what this is all about one day." "... Fine. But, I have a bad feeling about him." "Levi? Why? He's perfect. I mean, I don't know that, but his friends seem to be really nice. And you can't get friends like that unless you're nice, too." "If you trust him, I'm going to have to trust you to not get into any trouble." "Yes, yes. Now, stop worrying." Eren rested an arm around my shoulders as we carried on going towards mine and Hanji's apartment. We walked there in silence, but my keys broke that serenity when they jingled against the door as I unlocked it and opened it, allowing Eren to walk in. We both took off our shoes as I locked the door behind us. Eren plopped down onto the sofa as I went to the bathroom to see my reflection. God, I looked like something out of a horror movie. How did people stand to look at me, or even talk to me? But I was home now, so I didn't bother fixing my appearance as I went to the living room and dropped onto the comfortable furniture next to Eren. "I would ask you if you want a drink, but we went past that stage of formality ages ago. Help yourself to whatever." "Thanks, but I just want to rest." "What's up? I know there's something you need to tell me," I said, ruffling his brunette hair like he was a little kid. "... I barely got any sleep last night. I was meant to go on a date with Mikasa yesterday after my evening shift. I reserved a table at some restaurant that has great reviews. So, after my shift, I dressed all nice and left to go to the restaurant. I took the bus and it took me half an hour to get there. She then called me as I walking up to the restaurant, saying she can't make it because she's sick. Obviously, being my stupid self, I just said okay and said that we can postpone our date. However, I was starving so I wasn't going to put that reservation to waste. When I got there and told them about the booked table under my name, they told me there were already some people that took the table, telling them that their name was Eren. I was so confused and looked over at a table, where I saw Mikasa and that jerk: Reiner." "And then you stormed off, went home and cried?" I asked, saying it like it was something ordinary. "... Yes..." "What's this, like the fifth time you've seen her with a different boy? I swear, it's not the same boy every time as well. I still don't get why you don't just break up with her. She doesn't deserve you, she doesn't make you happy, which is what you deserve. I say you break up with her sometime this week." "(Y/N), that's too soon." "I don't care. She's causing you into depression, and I don't like seeing you like this. I haven't seen you be happy once after you got into this relationship. And I don’t want to hear any excuses. You know that you aren't happy with her, so I don't get why you don't break up with her. Is she threatening you or something?" "..." "... Eren?" Shit. Eren, you better say something before that silence gives me the wrong idea. That bitch better not be hurting or threatening you, I thought, biting my lip as I waited for him to speak. "Eren, please say--" Once again, I pulled him into an embrace when he requested it and he quietly sobbed, nestling his face into the crook of my neck. This time, I truly felt sorry for him because he wasn't crying over another wrecked date, or another man he caught Mikasa with; it was something I've never heard about. I still haven't, but his silence implied it. I didn't want to say anything as I got lost in my thoughts. What kinds of things has this girl done to Eren - one of my closest friends? As I was in the middle of pondering, a phone's ringtone sounded in the room. It was Eren's and I didn't know if I should pick it up or not. When I saw the name of the caller, my bitchy side took over and I grabbed his phone which was on the coffee table in front of the sofa. I answered it with a sweet 'hello', waiting for a reply as I continued to hug Eren with one arm. He soon lifted off of me and tried wiping away the tears as he looked at me with an expression that destroyed my heart. "Who are you?" "It's (Y/N). You probably can't recognise my voice since I haven't seen you in so long," I said with fake politeness. "Oh, (Y/N)... Where's Eren, by the way?" "He's in the bathroom. I can take a message if you'd like." "No, it's fine. Just tell him to call me when he's free." "Yeah, like I'd do that, whore." "Excuse me? What did you just call me?" "(Y/N), what the hell are you doing?" Eren whispered angrily so I retracted the phone from my ear and covered the speakers. "Teaching her a lesson. How's she going to threaten you, cheat on you, reject every date, and still have the balls to call you? She's stupid to think that I'm going to let that slide. I don't like her, and neither do you, so I'm going to invite her here and you can talk to her." "(Y/N), please don't do this. I know you're doing this for me, but I don't know, I just can't break up with her. Even after everything she's done." "Eren, this is for your own good. You're always depressed and tired because of her. You need to let go and be free. This isn't how you're meant to be enjoying life." "... Fine. Bring that bitch over here." I smirked. "Good." I brought the phone back to my ear. "Sorry about that--" "What are you going on about? Why did you just call me a wh0re?" "If you want to know, come to my apartment. You know where I live. You can see your precious boyfriend as well." "I will. Because no one talks to me like that." She cut the phone and I passed Eren's phone to him. I got up and gave him some tissue to wipe his face that had some snot and tears. "Hey, I'm kind of nervous." "That's normal. Anyone would be nervous if they were about to break up with someone. Though, I feel bad. Did I just force this onto you?" "It's fine. I'm glad I'm finally getting it over with." "Also, was she threatening you?" "Yes..." "I would say you should've told me, but that was obviously something you couldn't say since she would do something. Damn, she's some messed up girl. Sorry. But I just had to say that." "No, I understand. I don't even know what I saw in her in the first place." "Don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone makes mistakes and you're going to learn from this for your next girlfriend. First of all, if she cancels a lot of your dates, break up with her. Second, if she cheats on you once, break up with her. And third, if she barely talks to you, or tries to avoid you, break up with her." "Okay. Thank you, (Y/N). I'd literally run back to her every time if you weren't here." "No worries, love. Just helping you with your problems." "Well, let me help you with yours, baby girl. What's on your mind? You've been acting a little distracted." "Mm... I guess I'm thinking about Levi..." "What's so special about him?" "... All right, I'm going to tell you this. But don't tell Levi, or anyone, because it's a stupid thing me and Hanji made up." "What happened to trusting me all the time? You always told me everything." "Yeah, but since you got with Mikasa, you've been a little occupied. Don't worry, though, you're still my second best friend," I grinned at the statement I had said years ago when I was around ten years old. I then changed the subject and told Eren about what me and Hanji created in our young, horny and stupid minds. "Wow... That's actually crazy. You guys never thought he was going to be real, but damn... Still, I don't think you should trust him too much. To be honest, that guy's suspicious, even supernatural if he was just someone made up." "That's what I was thinking. But, half the time I forget that he was someone I dreamt about. I feel like I've bonded with him before and we're just catching up with each other's lives." "I understand. But, unless he proves to be completely normal, don't get too attached to him." "Okay. And, it's been about twenty minutes since Mikasa hung up. I think she's going to be here soon. Do you know what you're going to say?" "Kind of. I've been thinking of a breakup scenario for a while, but I was never able to make it happen." "Hey, me and Hanji made up a guy and he happened. I think you can make this breakup happen; I believe in you." "Thank you so much, (Y/N). You honestly don't know how grateful I am for you." "Whenever you need me, I'll be here." I heard the buzzer echo through my apartment, meaning someone was asking for an entrance. I shot a glance at Eren before getting up and walking towards my front door, answering the phone and speaking a confident 'hello'. "It's Mikasa." "Oh, it's you," I spat with disgust. I pressed the button for the main door so she could come in and waited a couple of seconds before opening my front door. She barged past me, and I muttered: 'Never met someone so rude'. My bitchy side was locking in again and I locked the door before following her into the living room. Eren was now standing up, appearing as bold and someone who was ready to break up with Mikasa. "Eren, why did she call me a 'whore'?" "Well, is she wrong?" he pointed out.

#levi ackerman #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #aot #aot fanfiction #aot imagines #snk #snk fanfiction #snk imagines #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #x reader #reader insert #anime #dream guy #modern au #series #i want hanji to be my bff

116 notes · View notes

spenciegoob · 3 years

Text

The Fifteenth

A/N: I’m so sorry in advance.

Pairing: Spencer!POV x Fem!Reader

Category: Angst/Fluff

Content Warning: death of a major character, talk of drug abuse, mentions of blood/cases (usual criminal minds terminology), mentions of panic attack/depression

Masterlist

Word Count: 2,163

____

As I sat down with the woman that made me feel whole, I felt the familiar serenity of her presence fill my senses even as the rain around us poured down in sheets. The pressure felt like sharp, cold glass sinking into my skin, but with her in front of me, I couldn’t find myself to care because her warmth held me like it was always meant to do.

“Hi, sweet girl. Do you remember the day you told me I was your world for the first time? I think about it everyday. I wish I could go back and just-”

She laid her head on my bare chest, her hair spreading out to tickle my sides, and her arms tucked securely around my back. Usually, a position so intimate would cause me a great deal of discomfort, but with her it felt natural; peaceful; perfect.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” She asked out of the blue. Even as a whisper, the question startled me. Before, in the moments of serene quiet, her breathing evened out, and I thought she was fast asleep. I was about to allow myself the relief of saying everything I couldn’t find the perfect words for when she was awake, looking at me with those loving eyes I fell in love with.

“I love you, too, Y/n.” But that answer did not satisfy her. She pulled her head from it’s previous position to look at me directly, and while I love to look at those eyes, the tears that welled there were gut twisting: soul crushing; heart wrenching.

“I mean it, Spence. You are my whole world.” A tear escaped when the words left her mouth, the ones that caused my own eyes to water, threatening to join hers.

I brushed my thumb across her cheek, catching the fallen drop before it finalized on my chest.

“And you are mine, sweet girl.”

“But what I meant to say was you’re not mine. Y/N, you are bigger than my world. You are the sun, the one that I rotate, the light that I need to survive, the power source that keeps me habitable.”

I had to clear my throat before continuing.

“The first day I met you, you unknowingly saved my life, and to this day, I regret not telling you until now. It was the day I quit. I didn’t understand it then, how my mind changed so suddenly, but now I do. It was that smile, it was always that smile-”

I need a fix. Just one. It was one of the worst cases I’ve ever worked. I deserved a fix. I would say it was out of my control once I set that text message, but it was long before that. The second the jet landed my mind had been made, and once that happens, not even me could stop it.

So I walked out of my apartment into the night that held too many unknowns, pulling myself further into my jacket and keeping my head down. I know that no one knew me to judge, but if I were to look at the very few strangers as they walked past me to live their own equally as destructive lives, I would’ve felt daggers piercing my skin instead of a needle that night.

But then I turned a corner, and from my position with locked eyes on the concrete, I could see a head come into my vision, hit my chest, and fall to the ground.

“Oh my g- I’m so sorry I wasn’t loo-” I had started to explain myself before a giggle interrupted my plan. I allowed my eyes to forget the laser vision on the sidewalk, and meet the eyes of the source.

My god was she beautiful. Her eyes so full, looking up at me from the hard ground with something that could only be described as pure, unadulterated joy.

“It’s quite alright, I wanted to be on the ground tonight, anyway.” I titled my head, peculiar with the beautiful strange woman on the ground, but when she let out another giggle at my confusion, I couldn’t help but let out a breathy chuckle.

And then she held her hand up, silently asking for help from the position I so rudely shoved her into. While I would usually politely decline hand-to-hand contact, it didn’t feel right to refuse to help her stand after I all but tackled her.

So I took her hand, and the warmth generating from her in the cool night was like a breath of fresh air after drowning for so long.

When she regained her balance in front of me, she asked the question I least expected her to.

“I was just on my way to get coffee. Would you like to join me?”

“Wha.. I um- I’m a stranger on the street that just pushed you to the ground, and you’re asking if I want to get coffee?” When she nodded, I asked her another question, hoping to be able to teach her a lesson in stranger danger she so obviously lacked.

“How do you know I’m not a murderer?”

“With kind eyes like yours? I find that highly unlikely.”

“How could I say no to you? Y/N, you were my guardian angel that night. I didn’t look back when you linked your arm with mine, and led me to your favorite coffee shop. I still go there, you know? I don’t even have to order anymore, they just silently start making my coffee when I make my presence known-”

“Can I have an iced french vanilla with 3 pumps of liquid sugar?” She asked the barista Sam who had already started punching in her order before Y/N started speaking.

“What the hell did you just order?” I couldn’t stop the question from leaving my lips. Whatever concoction the barista was making was quite possibly the weirdest coffee order I’ve ever heard.

“Hey, Sam, can you make it two?” She ordered another instead of answering my question. “Trust me, stranger on the street. It’ll change your life.”

“Oh, um, my name’s Spencer by the way.”

“Well, stranger on the street named Spencer, I’m Y/N, and it looks like our coffee’s ready,” she said to me with the most beautiful smile. That smile can cause grown men to drop to their knees. Quite frankly, I almost did. She was the most peculiar and intriguing woman I had ever met.

She grabbed the two cold drinks and sat on one of the many different couches around the tiny shop. I just watched, my eyes following her lead without my control as she put me in a trance her presence induced.

“You coming?”

“Oh, uh, yeah sorry.” She only giggled as I quickly shuffled my way to her. We were the only people in the cafe, not surprisingly so as it was 10:42 pm on January 15th, a Tuesday night.

“You, Spencer, are infatuating.”

“Me? Why me?”

“It has to be something in those eyes.” We stared deeply at each other for what felt like an eternity, even if it was merely a second too long. She was the one to pull away as if she was done studying whatever she found.

With a deep inhale, she shook her head and handed me my beverage.

“Allow me to change your life?” She asked like I wouldn’t let her if she continued to beam at me the way she did.

But instead of freaking her out and saying that, I took the coffee from her hand, and hesitantly took a sip.

It was so sickeningly sweet, like drinking melted candy with the amount of sugar to send someone into sugar shock. It was perfect.

She was perfect.

“When I first started showing up to work with a large iced coffee that was basically cream with a dash of coffee bean, I got weird looks. Derek even made a couple comments, but I didn’t care. It was a part of you you decided to share with a stranger that night. Eventually I told them the story, and now when I walk into the bullpen with the same coffee like clockwork, they give me solemn looks, but no comments.”

“The day you met them was one of the best days of my life, even if it was by accident-”

“Reid and Morgan, I want you two to go down to the dump site. The woman who found the body is there, I want you to interview her.” Hotch’s voice boomed. It was a local case, and while no case is the end goal, the locality was enough.

I got to go home to lay in her arms.

Derek and I drove to the site, bouncing off theories to each other to fill the time. When we got there, news vans had already taken up most of the space, and a sea of reported crowded behind the barricade.

We shuffled our way through, avoiding eye contact and the “dire” questions from the press. When we made it to the front and flashed our badges, one of the officers led us to the body.

A prostitute in an alley. Easy profile, not so easy scene. There was major overkill, the blood from the body deep in the hallway trailed all the way to the sidewalk. It was only 7 am, my theory being a morning jogger found the trail and followed it to the horror show.

“Do we know where the person who found the body is?” I asked the officer who was next to me.

“We tried to ask her questions, but she got too worked up and couldn’t breathe. She’s on the back of the ambulance now I believe.” A panic attack.

It wasn’t uncommon for an unready participate in a criminal investigation to have a panic attack. Not everybody was made to see such things.

Derek and I made our way over to the ambulance when we started to hear a very heated argument.

“I AM FINE! There’s no reason for thi-”

“Y/N?” There she was, sitting in the ambulance, fighting with the EMT who was just trying to do his job. I don’t know who I felt bad for more in this situation. She knew how to win an argument, trust me.

“Oh Spence, thank god.” She quickly got up to crash her body into mine. I don’t think there was a speed that would be sufficient when it came to how quickly I squeezed her back. “It was so scary.”

Her body started to shake with tears she was probably holding in. She didn’t like to cry in front of me for the longest time, let alone hundreds of cops, reporters and pedestrians.

“I know, sweet girl. I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m so sorry.” I ran my fingers through her hair. It aways calmed her down.

And it seemed to partially work, because she pulled her head from my chest to look up at me with wet cheeks and terrified eyes.

“I just... I was runni... She’s d-”

“It’s okay. You’re okay. It’s over now, okay?” Slowly she nodded, her eyes trailing down to her feet. That was until Derek spoke up. In the midst of my concern, I had completely forgotten he was there.

“Uh... what?”

“Oh Derek, this is Y/N. My uh, my girlfriend. Y/N this is Derek.” She looked up to find my baffled coworker looking between me and her and smiled. Hey, his stupidity got her to smile!

“So you’re the lady’s man he tells me about?” Shit.

“Hey now wait a minu-”

“Maybe we should go back to Quantico. You’ll be safe, and we can ask you questions when you’re ready, yeah?” I had to deflect quick, but Derek would rip me a new one for this.

We all piled into the SUV. I got in the back knowing that she gets car sick back there ever since she was a little girl.

“So, you and Spencer, huh?” Maybe that was a mistake.

“They loved you so much. I loved you so much. I still love you so much. I miss you every day of my life, but it doesn’t hurt to think about you anymore. Life gave us all the time it could spare, and I am so grateful I literally ran into you that Tuesday night 8 years ago. Sometimes I hate my mind, my eidetic memory is a curse on it’s own, but when it comes to you? The memories we shared I will never forget are the ones that keep me fighting. You still keep me going, sweet girl. You always will.”

With that, I got up and placed the sunflowers on top of her headstone, brushing off the dirt and leaves that accumulated during the fall season.

The rain stopped pouring then, and the sun shone down on me. On us.

My sun.

____

Join a taglist here Tell me your thoughts on this fic here Have a request? Send it in here

#spencer reid #spencer x y/n #spencer x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction

184 notes · View notes

sweetchup · 3 years

Text

A Helping Hand 4: Ghosts of Pasts // Day 1

Type: Shalnark x reader

Au?: Savior Au

Word Count: 2,800+

Warnings: Reminsing of last chapter, Injury, Meteor City mentioned

Author Note: Ah! I’m glad to be back writing this series sorry for the long wait. I split chapter 4 up into multiple parts so it’s going to be looooong.

Also, I’ve started a Taglist for all of my series to make it easier for people to find out when the next installation is. So if you want the be added just sent me an ask thats not anonymous and I’ll add you.

<—(Pt.3) / (Pt.4.2)—>

A Helping Hand Masterlist

It was the eve of December 18th, when snow finally fell throughout the Republic of Padokea. However, there was no celebration or cheer by the citizens as all of the festive winter holidays had already passed by then. With most just deciding to bunker in for a quiet night at home. Even at the Hospital near the bloodthirsty Heaven’s Arena it was rather quiet, almost dull in a way.

Though, one specific doctor, Doctor (y/n) of the intensive care unit, had little to complain about the lack of patients and activity. It was rather refreshing actually, mostly due to the fact it was your last night on the job before you went on your week long holiday break, a break you had planned out with your supervisor months ahead of time.

Months before you had met a specific man. Much more specifically, a specific patient named Shalnark Ryuseih. A member of the infamous Phantom troupe who you had saved from his demise at the Heaven’s Arena.

…. As well as someone you might have developed a really really big crush on during your time taking care of him. But, that’s a story for another day and something you shouldn’t be worrying about right now. Especially since you still have plenty of time left on the clock before you go home.

As the seconds click a way, you find yourself letting out a groan. It was no use. You couldn’t get him out of your mind.

You just wished that it was the usual thoughts of Shalnark that festered in your mind during work. The ones that were caused from something as simple as him holding you in his arms tighter than usual while he slept one night or perhaps a teasing comment he shot at you while passing in the hall.

But that sadly wasn’t the case.

For the last couple of weeks, Shalnark had been acting…… weird.

Well he technically always acted weird—a man who actually enjoyed indulging in birthday cake flavored ice cream could not be considered normal in your book— but this time, he was actually acting quite strange.

Sometimes, when doing check ups or just visiting his room you could hear him sigh. It was quite unnoticeable at first, you had just thought he was frustrated with some new tech thing he got into, but as December went on the sigh only got heavier and more frequent. This was also when some of Shalnark’s other actions started to be strange as well, something as simple as,“What are you doing for the Holidays?” Or, actually now that you think about it, anything that was remotely related to the holidays would have the corner of his lips drop slightly. Something very strange for him, for he hardly faltered that smile of his.

And it wasn’t as if you weren’t trying to find out what was wrong. You had asked him plenty of times about his new habits. Though, in a Shalnark fashioned way, he would just brush you off with a grin and be confused as to what you were talking about.

So, if Shalnark isn’t going to tell you himself what was wrong. You were just going to have to take it upon yourself to make him feel better. Emotional health is just as important as physical health in your book.

“For the last time (y/n), I hope you know what you are getting yourself into.” Mal reminds you for the 15th time since you entered her office space.

“Yes, yes. I understand, don't worry about it.” You reassure the older woman as you continue to fill in the blanks to finish up the paperwork. All the while attempting to ignore her as she nags your ear off. “Okay I’m done. Thanks by the way Mal, I really owe you one”

As Mal takes the paperwork from your hands, she gives you one last warning of caution,

“I know Shalnark is under your care and all, and you have gotten pretty close to him during his stay…. but don’t you think having him leave with you for vacation is a little much? It’s legal, for some odd reason, but you should be careful. Not only is he a grown man that could try anything while you are alone with him but if any of the higher ups hear about this, you could get in a lot of trouble.”

“True, but I doubt that,” You hum out as you fumble with grabbing your winter coat off the rack, “The higher ups don’t exactly care much about paperwork unless one of the secretaries, like yourself, reports something. So unless you choose to report me, I don’t have much to worry about.”

“Fine. Just…. be careful. I swear you have been getting more and more reckless the more you spend with that man.”

“I will. Don’t worry, Mal. See you in a week!!”

“Okay, see you in a week.” Mal responds back, her wave goodbye immediately faltering as you close the door. Taking a deep breath to calm down the uneasy feeling in her gut, She just hoped you knew what you were doing.

Once Mal sends you off, you make your way in the direction of Shalnark’s room. You are excited to tell him about your little surprise but also quite scared because you did not exactly ask him… permission…. to sign him out.

“Come in.” Shalnark's voice rings out from behind the door as you knock. Coming into the room, you see that, as per normal, Shalnark was clicking away at his laptop. He seemed busy with something since even when you took the seat at his bedside he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the screen.

After a couple more minutes of listening to the clicking of keys, Shalnark finally closes his laptop and turns his attention to you.

“Hello (y/n)! What brings you in here today?” He asks, resting his chin on one of his hands as he observes you. As Shalnark scans you up and down you can’t help but notice the mischievous look in those blue eyes of his. You kind of wondered what he was thinking, or possibly planning, but then again— knowing Shalnark —you didn’t want to know what was running through that brain of his.

“Can’t I just visit you?”

“I guess you could.” Shalnark comments halfheartedly as if you don’t already visit him for fun on the daily already, “I’m just surprised you haven’t gone home for your vacation. It’s your last shift tonight, right?”

Shalnark might have asked the last part as a question, but you already knew— from tons of experience with dealing with him —that he already formed his own answer in his head.

“Missed me that much huh?...” Shalnark whispers out, his eyes seeming to sparkle under the light as he leans back against the headboard of his bed.

“S-shut up.” You grumble out. Swiftly putting the paperwork in your hand up to your face as you could already feel your cheeks begin to flare up from flusteration. You swore this man had no sense of fear or dignity.

“Hmm?” You feel Shalnark grab at the paperwork wrinkled in your hand; recognizing his photo ID on the cover. “What’s this?”

“Paperwork.”

“What type of Paperwork?” Shalnark presses forward, already taking it from your hand to examine it. No matter how close you two have gotten during his stay, he has always been extremely thorough about looking at what you put down on his paperwork. Must be something he picked up while being in the troupe you guessed.

Suddenly, you see Shalnark’s gaze pause on a section of the paperwork. His body unintentionally freezing up in surprise as he rereads it again. However, instead of instantly asking or explaining his confusion, your eyes are trained to his lips, ever so slightly parted due to confusion.

Unconsciously, you run your fingers over your neck. Your mind flashing back to what happened when Shalnark was under the effect of the aphrodisiac drug. The tingly feeling of his lips raking up and down your neck. Kissing, sucking and biting at any possible skin he could—

“(Y/n), What is this?” He mumbles out, his eyes still trained to the paperwork.

“U-uh Well…” You pause for a second as you try to calm yourself down from your thoughts, thinking about what you should exactly say, “Recently, I’ve noticed you being quite down. Kind of depressed or miserable in a way—”

“Huh? I haven’t been depressed.” Shalnark exclaims, snapping out of the trance he was in as well as cutting off what you were saying.

“Let me finish idiot.” You grumble at Shalnark, flicking his forehead in anger. “Also even if you aren’t depressed—“

“Which I’m not.”

“...Do you want to get punched this time?” You threatened, watching as Shalnark suddenly broke out in a cold sweat. Memories flashing in his head of Lara pissing you off and facing your unwavering wrath. After one last glare, you continued what you were explaining, “As I was saying, Even if you aren’t depressed, it would be good for you to get out of the hospital. Hence why I decided to sign you out for my vacation week.”

It’s silent in the room as Shalnark just stares at you; an unreadable expression on his face. However, before you can figure out what expression it was, he quickly snaps out of it.

“Oh nice. That’s actually awesome.” Shalnark announces out, letting out a small giggle. “Just one question though… Is this even legal?”

“In a way…” You squeak out, watching as Shalnark looks at you with a knowing smile. Clearly understanding that you were pressing the line of legality and a possible felony in this situation.

“Well,” You watch as Shalnark shuffles out of bed; Planting his feet in front of yours before sending you a subtle wink, “Let’s get out of here before we get caught, okay?”

—.—.—.—.—.—

“So,” Shalnark starts, looking at the small white townhouse in front of him, “This is your house?”

“Um. Yeah?” You answer questioningly as you fiddle with your keys, “What about it?”

“Oh nothing.” You watch as Shalnark squats down in front of the garden gnome next to your tomato plant. Seeming to take in the plethora of plants covering your front patio. “It’s cute. I like it.”

“Thanks.” You mumble out bashfully as you unlock the front door, “I only rent the bottom floor of this place so it's quite small. But it's home.”

Before you enter, You offer a hand to help Shalnark up (He still has quite the injury in his legs after all) and watch as he walks inside your house; a limp still ever present as he walks. You just hope that he doesn’t push himself too far while with you. He might be a nen user but—

“Oh wow!” Shalnark’s voice calls out from inside the house, breaking your train of thoughts as you shut and lock the door. Confused yet curious at what he found interesting in your house, you slipped off your shoes—taking a small mental note that you should tell Shalnark to take off his as he forgot to— and walked over to his location. As you round the corner of the hall and gaze into your living room, you can’t help but let out a huff of a laugh. You can’t believe you totally forgot about Chloe.

There she stood, your 8 year old Sphynx cat that a college roommate had given you years ago, curled up in a fluffy blanket on top of her cat tree. Shalnark stood in front of the tree, looking up at the cat with an amused look as it glared down at him.

“Chloe.” You call out to your cat as you make your way next to Shalnark, “Come here baby.”

As you lift the cat off the tower, still wrapped in a blanket, and cradle her in your arms, you feel your breath hitch for a second. You turn your head as you feel a sudden pressure on your back and see Shalnark leaning over your shoulder. You stood there frozen and flustered, unable to move or look away from his face, from how close he was to you. However, Shalnark doesn’t notice how flustered you are; his attention focused on the cat in your arms. Eventually, he brings his hand down to pet her. Watching curiously as she sniffs his hand for a second before allowing him to touch her.

“They truly don’t have any fur…” Shalnark muses out as he rubs at Chloe’s ears, causing you to smile as you feel the rumbling of her purrs against your chest. “Hey (y/n)... did you know these guys are actually from Meteor city?”

“Wait… Really?” You shout out surprised, finally snapping out of the trance you were in.

“Yep!” Shalnark states rather proudly, “They were caused by accidental breeding by abandoned cats in the junkyards. …Though, the ones from Meteor city are quite rabid and terrifying so you can’t pet them like this. They would surely kill you.”

Startled, you give Shalnark a confused look, “No way…You're joking…”

“Nope.” He responds, popping the ‘p’ at the end as he walks away from you two and takes a seat on the couch. Your back suddenly feeling quite cold now that he was no longer next to you. “Even our toughest members like Phinks and Feitan were scared of those things.”

“Oh wow…“ You mumble out in amazement, placing Chloe back at the top level of the cat tree before taking a seat next to Shalnark. “...Meteor City sure sounds scary.”

“Eh, in a way.” Shalnark sighs out, stretching his back before suddenly resting his head on your lap. Startled at the act of affection, you freeze and stare down at him. Your mouth agape in shock. What… What was he doing?

“Oh.” Shalnark murmurs out as he takes note of your expression, already beginning to sit up, “Sorry, I stepped over a line didn’t I—”

“Ah! No!” You shout out, startling the both of you at how loud you were, “I mean… uh. I don’t mind, it just surprised me that’s all.”

“Oh. Okay?” Shalnark says, raising an eyebrow at you. As he sees your still worried expression looking down at him as he lays back down, he decides to flick at your forehead, surprising you. You two stare at each other for a couple of seconds before breaking out into light laughter at your stupid expression.

“W-what was that huh?”

As your laughter eventually stops, leaving you two in a comfortable silence, you stare down at Shalnark; his arms lazily crossed above his head with his eyes shut.

“You know…” You start, a stifle of a giggle sneaking up as a funny thought crosses your mind, “...You remind me of a cat right now.”

“Oh really?” Shalnark huffs out amused, popping one of his eyes open to gaze up at you.

“Yeah. All elongated on the couch, looking like you're about to fall fast asleep… Just like a little kitty cat.” You cooed out at him, taking two strands on the opposite sides of his head to form cat ears.

Shalnark sputters out a laugh before sending you a wink, “Go on. Give me a pet, Doc.”

You feel yourself freeze up as everything that has happened in these last couple of minutes hits you like a truck. Shit… You're his doctor, you idiot. This was what Mal was talking about about you getting too close with him. You have feeling for him but you can’t—

“Hey (y/n). You know…” Shalnark murmurs out, snapping you out of your thought, “One day…, I would like to take you to Meteor City.”

“R-really?” You answered, confused as where this was suddenly coming from.

“Yeah…” You watch as Shalnark eyes shift up towards the ceiling. His eyes unfocused and expression dazed as if he was off in a distant memory, “Not right now… But, In the spring…”

A smile slowly edges its way onto his face.

“Yeah… The spring,” He murmurs out again, sort of to himself, before looking at you, “You wouldn’t believe what it is like in Meteor City at the start of spring, (Y/n)... After a long hard rainy winter, seeds from rotten food, or hidden in garbage, come blooming out. It hardly lasts a month but… It’s gorgeous….”

As he stares up at you with those dazzling blue eyes of his, you can’t help but finally allow your hand to rest in his blonde locks. Wanting to understand more about that far off memory he had.

“I-I…” You murmur out, pausing as a small smile comes upon your face, “I can’t wait… Shal. Do… Do you think you could tell me more about your home while I wait?”

Just…

Just one more time, you’ll let your affections slide.

Allowing yourself to blur the lines of professionalism and wanting more.

Taglist: @meromelodi, @quartetstarheaven, @yumezai, @lvndrhwis, @writtenappreciation , @jojo-sinner, @pastelbear12, @aly-kurta, @bbunnycore, @feifood

#hxh #hunter x hunter #phantom troupe #shalnark #shalnark ryusei #shalnark x reader #a helping hand

62 notes · View notes

asthmark · 4 years

Text

❝ only us ❞, n.jm

summary → it was obvious to anyone that you guys had practiced this various times. or maybe it was just natural chemistry? jaemin isn’t sure what’s worse.

request → “could you write about bestfriend jaemin getting jealous when he sees you kiss jeno for a play at school that you're in” (anon)

word count → 3k

a/n → this request made me so incredibly happy because all the knowledge i acquired my musical phase finally came in handy!! also i haven’t listened to dear evan hansen since i downloaded the illegal bootleg on my laptop like last year so i don’t remember much abt it :( i just kind of described it really vaguely lol anyway hope u enjoy ;)

jaemin dropped his backpack carelessly onto the floor of the crowded cafeteria. he set his plate down on the lunch table, not even glancing at you as he eagerly dug into his food.

“sorry i’m late,” he says to you, eyes concentrated on the orange citrus in his hand. his fingers skillfully begin peeling off the skin. “i had to stay a couple minutes after history class as punishment for eating during the lesson.”

you roll your eyes, an amused smile on your face. “disappointed but not surprised.”

at hearing this comment, he glares at you. “hey, i didn’t have breakfast today and my stomach was growling like, really loud! seriously, it sounded like a whale mating call or something.”

“and who’s fault is that?” you ask, tucking your hands beneath your chin.

he frowns as he pops an orange wedge in his mouth. “mine, i guess. but it’s only because coach told me i should eat less if i wanna play better. something about less body mass making it easier to move around the court.”

“well, i’m pretty sure he didn’t mean skipping out on entire meals, doofus,” you retort. “breakfast is the most important meal of the day, isn’t that what everyone says?”

“true.” suddenly, his eyes light up. “so, you’re gonna start bringing me breakfast in the morings?”

you raise an eyebrow. “i’m sorry, when did we decide on that?”

he flashes you one of his infamous na jaemin smiles. “just now.”

“yeah well, tell your coach you’ll be losing that weight because there’s no way i’m going to wake up at the crack of dawn just to get you a mcmuffin.”

“but it would make my mornings so much better,” he whines. “having basketball practice so early sucks but with my cute little cheerleader there it would be totally worth it... the mcdonald’s is a bonus.”

you can’t help but laugh. “sorry nana, but i prefer sleeping in over watching a bunch of sweaty guys toss a ball around at 6 a.m.”

“fine... buy me a coffee after school and i’ll let you slide.”

“maybe tomorrow, i’ve got theatre today.”

“well, after that then,” he suggests.

you shake your head. “but then you’d have to wait and we’re doing a full rehearsal today.”

he shrugs. “i can wait, i don’t have practice.”

“yeah but i know how you are, na jaemin. you have the attention span of a goldfish.”

“not when it comes to you. you always have my attention.”

you’re about to laugh at what you assumed had been a purposefully cliché one-liner on his behalf but there’s no sign that he was joking. his devilish smirk and teasing eyes that usually appeared when he flirted with the girls on campus were nowhere to be found. instead you’re met with a straight face and his glimmering eyes that seem almost expectant, concentrated on you only. it takes you by surprise. was he being serious or something? the thought alone has your heart beat steadily increasing.

“okay fine, fine. anything for you to stop staring at me like that.”

he tilts his head to the side, resembling a lost puppy. “staring at you like what?”

“like—“ you pause, debating on whether or not you should say it. “like you’re in love with me or something.”

he only chuckles. “you have no idea.”

you almost choke on your sandwich. before you have a chance to ask him what in the world he meant by that, one of his teammates from the basketball team appears behind him, stealing his attention away.

“hey jaem,” donghyuck greets as he ruffles the younger boy’s hair. “coach just called a team meeting.”

“right now?” jaemin asks, displeased.

the brunette nods, folding his arms over his chest.

jaemin suppresses a groan as he stands and grabs his belongings. “sorry y/n. i’ll see you later for your rehearsals, okay?”

you nod. “see you later, nana.”

“bye jaemin’s girlfriend!” donghyuck exclaims receiving a punch in the arm from your ‘boyfriend’ although he doesn’t deny.

“i’m excited,” comments jaemin later that day. he has a bright grin on his face as you make your way through the hallway to the multipurpose room where you usually went for theatre club .

“oh really? i didn’t know you liked musicals.”

“well not really. but i like you.”

for the second time in one day, jaemin catches you off guard. you kick yourself for letting his shamelessness get to you. after all, wasn’t he like that with every girl? he had always been a charmer, you knew that before you had even met him.

na jaemin—point guard and certified flirt.

the only reason you had grown closer was due to him being in critical need of academic help and your teacher seeing you as a fit tutor. at first everyone found it amusing; the classic popular guy and quiet girl cliche. nobody had expected that you two would become practically glued by the hip. especially not you. maybe that was why you were so opposed to jaemin flirting with you. you were best friends but you knew how he was: not interested but never one to turn down any kind of attention. there was just no way that among so many girls you would be an exception.

“well, i hope you can like me for two hours because that’s probably how long this is gonna take,” you say, trying to move the conversation forward.

“i already told you, i have nowhere to be!” he exclaims. “besides, when would i ever turn down an opportunity to stare at you for a couple hours?”

you can’t help but roll you eyes, playfully. “please refrain from using any of your cheesy pick up lines on me while we’re there.”

“why?” he whines. “are you embarrassed of me?” when you turn to look at him he’s making those ridiculous puppy eyes that he knows you find hilarious.

you snort at seeing the familiar face. “when you do that, definitely.”

“alright fine. i’ll try to be on my best behavior in front of your little theatre friends.”

“thank you.” despite not believing a word he says, you still push open the door leading to the multipurpose room.

before you even get one foot in the door, your cast mate is already in your face.

“y/n, finally!” he says, looking beyond relieved at your presence. “i thought you’d never come! c’mon, you gotta change into your costume so we can start.”

“it’s not even opening night, jeno, calm down!” you say, laughing. “and i’m only a couple minutes late, it’s fine.”

he frowns. “you know how anxious i get. everything needs to be perfect.”

“yeah i know, sorry renjun.”

jeno makes a face, showcasing his disgust with your comment that compared him to your strict director. “shut up, you’re gonna summon him.”

“summon who?”

speak of the devil.

you shake your head at renjun who has appeared besides jeno. “not important.”

he smiles sarcastically, brushing his blonde bangs out of his face. “oh good. so can we move on to the actually important things now? like how you’re 6 minutes late?”

you sigh. “i had to wait outside jaemin’s class that’s on the other side of campus, sorry.”

but renjun doesn’t seem to care about your apology. instead, his attention has shifted to jaemin who stands behind you, hands stuffed into his pockets and eyes curiously observing the interactions between you and your friends.

“hello there.” your director moves past you, extending his hand towards your best friend which he takes awkwardly. “pleasure to meet you. you’re on the basketball team, right? i heard you scored the winning touchdown at the last game. congrats!”

“um, it’s just called a point in basketball but... thank you.”

renjun ignores jaemin’s correction. “is it your first time visiting the theater club?”

the brunette nods.

“oh, that’s wonderful! do you plan on coming to see our play on the 15th of this month?”

jaemin scratches the back of his head. “um... to be honest, i didn’t even know you guys had one coming up.”

renjun laughs, harder than usual. “that’s quite alright. it’s called ‘dear evan hansen’. it’s about the trials of high school life for a depressed teen who’s caught in a huge lie.” his hands fly around wildly, using them for emphasis as he dramatically explains the plot to jaemin. “you should come support us!”

“well, i would love t—“

“great! entry is $10.00, cash only. and definitely invite the rest of the basketball team!” with that, renjun rushes off, shouting something about how that was ‘exactly how to sell tickets for the play’ to the rest of the staff.

jaemin gives you a confused stare. “what just happened?”

you chuckle and give him a pat on the back. “you just experienced firsthand what we call here at the theater club the huang renjun effect. never fails to suck somebody into buying tickets for our shows.”

“well, now i kinda wanna buy one.” he turns to you, his eyes widening so big it’s comical. “wow, he’s good.”

“he’s more of a salesman than a director, that’s what you always say, right?” you turn to jeno who nods at the statement. “oh, this is jeno, by the way. he’s one of the few people around here who is not crazy.”

jeno waves at jaemin who smiles weakly at him, too busy observing his physique to say anything. his costume consisted of a blue polo shirt that made his biceps and veiny arms much more prominent. the shirt was pretty tight as well, making his toned chest and torso visible to just about anyone. the khakis he wore were fitted and his thick thighs were impossible to ignore. jaemin can’t help but wonder what a guy with his body was doing in a theatre club when he could be such a useful player on the court.

he looks up at his face, his cheeks curved into a smile that reached his squinted eyes. he would admit, he was a good looking dude. he then glances at you and realizes—you spent almost everyday with jeno. he feels guilty for it but he can’t stop himself from feeling slightly threatened by your cast mate.

jeno clears his throat, trying to ignore the awkward silence that has settled upon the three of you. “um, it was nice meeting you.” he shifts his attention to you. “i’m gonna finish getting ready.”

once he has left, you let out a giggle that you had been holding in during the entire exchange. “what’s the matter? you got all choked up just now. look, i know jeno’s hot but you gotta keep your cool just like the rest of us, okay?”

he frowns as he folds his arms over his chest, your last comment only fueling his feelings. “quit teasing me.”

“aw c’mon, you know i gotta give you a hard time,” you say, knocking his shoulder with yours. “it’s my duty as your best friend.”

before he can even respond, renjun’s voice is heard, being amplified by the megaphone in his hand. “rehearsals will start in 15 minutes instead of 5 because y/n wants to chit-chat with her friend instead of going to hair and makeup!”

you scowl at having been called out. “alright, i’ve gotta go get ready. please enjoy the show, though, okay?”

jaemin nods, smiling at seeing the genuine glint in your eyes. “of course.”

you were reaching the half point of the musical and jaemin had already cried twice.

with the looks he was receiving from the stage crew and even some of the cast members up on stage, he could tell they hadn’t expected him to be as emotional as he was but he couldn’t help it. the play was incredibly sad and he found himself not even knowing who to pity.

there was jeno’s character, evan hansen, who was stuck in a hole he had dug himself into but there was still a bit of him that was innocent and so helpless.

then there was connor murphy played by a kid named park jisung, who had only been around for a couple of scenes since his character was so tormented he had taken his life at the beginning of the play.

there were many other supporting roles, such as family members or friends and they all seemed to have their own issues but the character that truly got to him was yours.

you were playing zoe murphy, connor’s sister who was grappling with the death of her brother the entire musical, not sure whether to mourn him or remember him for the abusive person he was. in fact, your performance had tugged at jaemin’s heart strings so intensely that your solo song was the reason he had cried the first time around.

your acting skills had impressed him and your vocals left him stunned. all the times you and him had carpooled and sung the songs on the radio at the top of your lungs, he had never noticed your heavenly pipes. now that he had, he could feel himself becoming even more into you, if that was possible.

he sat on the edge of his seat, eyes focused intently on you and jeno as the 10th song began. as soon as the sound of the soft piano begins, jaemin prepares himself to shed tears once more but to his surprise, it seemed to be taking a more romantic turn.

he could only watch as you and jeno sang about being together and not letting go of each other... basically saying everything he wanted to tell you. he knew it was all a part of the act but seeing a guy as perfect as jeno pour his feelings out to you as you watched him with heart eyes and sang about how mutual it was proved to be incredibly tough. it made him feel like all his shameless flirts and stares that were too long to be just friendly were useless. why couldn’t making you his be as easy as jeno was making it seem?

before he can beat himself up for it anymore you and jeno lock lips. it isn’t just a quick peck, either. your hand tangles itself into his gelled back hair and his hand ends up on your waist as your lips move against each other, rhythmically. it was obvious to anyone that you guys had practiced this various times. or maybe it was just natural chemistry? jaemin isn’t sure what’s worse. all he knows is that he can’t take another second of watching you two engage in your passionate kiss when all he wishes is that he were in jeno’s shoes.

so, without a second thought he gets up and rushes out the door. he doesn’t look back at you because he doesn’t want to see the confusion and disappointment that will surely be on your face. he doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of his childish actions. he doesn’t stop running until he reaches the gym and takes a seat in the bleachers. he doubles over, head in his hands as he pants heavily in an attempt to catch his breath.

shortly after, much to his surprise, the door swings open and there you stand.

“what are you doing here?” he asks, sitting up straight.

“me? what about you, jaemin?” you approach him, slowly. “you just ran out of the room, for god’s sake. everyone’s worried, i’m worried.”

he feels another wave of guilt wash over him for interrupting your rehearsal and going against the one thing he said he was going to do: behave. “please go back. i’m fine, y/n. just needed a breather.”

“oh no,” you say walking up the stairs to the top row of bleachers where your best friend sits. “don’t ‘i’m fine, y/n’ me. you are most definitely not fine.” once you reach him you take a seat to his left, making sure to leave a generous space between you and him. “what happened back there? i swear, if renjun said anything to you i’ll personally make sure he never looks in your direction again.”

“no, it’s not that.” he pauses. “you and jeno were just—“ he trails off, his throat going dry.

you carefully place a hand on his arm, letting him know you would wait for anything he had to say.

“you were just really convincing.”

“well, isnt that a good thing?”

“it was... too much for me to see,” he confesses.

“so, what you’re saying is it’s too unrealistic? do we need to tone it down a bit?”

he nearly groans in frustration. “it’s not that! i wanted to be him, y/n! i want to feel your lips and hear about how much you want me!”

you retract your hand from his arm. “are you serious right now?”

he shoots you a harsh look and you notice how his eyes are glossed over, confirming just how serious he was. he gets up to leave, accepting his rejection before you grab his arm again and yank him down. he lands back on the bench and stares at you, visibly puzzled.

“if you would have waited a second longer you would know how badly i want those things too, you goldfish.”

the tears in his eyes fall but he still shoots you a toothy grin, showing he was anything but unhappy. you bring your hand up to his face, your thumb softly rubbing away the wet stains on his cheek. he unconsciously leans into your touch, never once breaking eye contact. once he’s had enough of delicate touches, he pulls you into his chest and you breathe in his scent—peppermint and coffee.

“i’m sorry.”

“for what?”

“for basically trading spit with jeno right in front of you.”

“it’s alright, baby... let me be the only person you practice that kiss scene with and i’ll let you slide.”

“deal.”

1K notes · View notes

mashiraostail · 4 years

Note

I've been having a lot more depressive episodes lately.(dw, im getting help) But, can i have Nemuri and Aizawa comforting a s/o who just had a depressive episode? You don't have to do it if you're not comfortable with the topic, but if you do thank you so much

Thanks for the request! I can do this for sure and I hope it helps! As someone who is also depressed I put some lil tidbits from my own struggles in here (specifically the gargantuous amount of energy turning the shower knob can take me and how that simple action has literally stopped me showering for weeks) If you’re struggling right now please remember to extend your body the same kindness you so consistently extend to other people!! Even by sitting here reading my writing you’re being so amazingly kind to me!! Project that back onto yourself and give yourself a reward, a glass of water at your favorite temperature, or even a snack if you can stomach it! It’s easy to drown ourselves in comfort content and neglect tangible acts of self love but I promise the energy will be worth it!

Nemuri: It’d been a while since Nemuri heard from you, and even longer since she’s seen you, which was rare. You didn’t drop off the face of the planet or anything but you had been evading her invitations to go out or even just to spend a night with her. She wanted to avoid showing up unannounced but it was becoming concerning. The last thing she wanted was to make you think she didn’t trust you or to startle you, but whenever she brought it up you brushed her off. She hated the idea of you being sick or even just swamped with work all alone when she was more than capable of helping you out. Eventually she just decides to show up, she texts you first but you don’t even appear to open it, she just had a bad feeling and if hero-work taught her anything it was to always trust a bad feeling. She knocks on your front door for a while to no avail, ringing the bell intermittently, she’s just met with silence. Her key works which at least is a good sign that you didn’t pack up and move across the country or something. “Hello??” She wanders into the apartment. It’s dark and radio silent. But there are dishes in the sink, your shoes strewn around the entryway and your bag on the table. “You here??” You were definitely here, your car keys were on the couch and your usual walking around sneakers...or. one of them was underneath the coffee table. She decides to check your bedroom. “I’m gonna open the door okay?? If you aren’t decent now’s the time to say it don’t freak out at me okay?? I’m opening the door now.” She opens the door with covered eyes. “Hello?” She peeks between her fingers and is greeted with the sight of you, or the lump that is probably you, curled up underneath your duvet. “Nemuri.” Your head pokes up overtop your pile of pillows and the fluff of your comforter. “Well hello!” She piques, clearly relieved to see you, “good morning to you sleeping beauty, though it is 4 in the afternoon.” She pushes the door open the rest of the way and enters the room. “What’s up?” She leans against your dresser, “where have you been?” “Where does it look like I’ve been?” You sigh. “What’re you a vampire or something now? Decided to go fully nocturnal?” She grins but you don’t mimic her amusement. “What’s wrong babe? I’ve done like 4 things that you would have laughed at by now. Something’s obviously wrong. I texted you and called but you didn’t reply...are you upset with me? This isn’t how you normally act when you’re upset with me...” She wrings her hands together, “normally you come to see me all the time, I’m not saying you have to be inseparable from me or anything but...well this just isn’t like you..if I made you mad I’d rather you tell me babe since I’m clueless..” You sigh, suddenly feeling guilty for your radio silence for the past few days and the increasing distance you’d put between the pair of you for the past week or so now. It was intentional you just shut down and you didn’t mean to but everything was a chore, even the things you loved, sometimes especially the things you loved. “No...it’s not you.” “Well I’m...” She looked confused, “I’m glad to hear that but I’m still kinda lost. Are you sick? Did someone else make you upset? If someone else is giving you problems you need to tell me.” Having the green light gets her to venture further into your bedroom and sit on the edge of your mattress, “I can set some people straight if that’s the problem.” “No it’s..nobody...no one is giving me any trouble that’s not it.” You also suddenly feel sort of stupid. You don’t even know what put this on. One day you were fine and the next you were worse, and then next was worse and the next was worse than that until you ended up where you were now. In bed 5 days removed of a shower where your one meal of the day consisted of a plain bagel sometimes toasted other times not. “No one?” She reaches out and holds the bend of your knees, “are you sure?” You nod. “Okay then...well what is it? I wanna help but you’ve gotta let me know how.” “I just...” You scrub your face, “I just...it’s been a really bad week or..2 weeks or..however long. I don’t know. I feel so depressed and exhausted and everything is annoying and tiring and no matter how much I sleep I can’t seem to stay awake.” She takes in a breath at that and nods with it. “Oh. OH. Well now I feel stupid pulling away so much. I just didn’t wanna be overbearing and offend you or..well...well what’s up? What set all this on? Did something happen to...to make you feel upset or?” “I don’t know...I just think I haven’t been taking good enough care of myself. I’ve been slacking and procrastinating and then I got overwhelmed and then I got upset and now...I’m here. I just feel like such an idiot and now to think I made you think I was upset with you because I was too-” “Don’t even finish that sentence.” Nemuri shushes you, “it’s alright. Really you don’t have to feel bad about that. I get it, I understand now so it’s okay. I’m sorry for making it about me.” Her hand moves up to squeeze your thigh. “I wanna do everything I can to help okay? Whatever I can do to help you come out on top with this thing...” Her other hand squeezes your lower arm, “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me with this sort of thing okay? We don’t have to get into the...deep emotional part of it if you don’t wanna talk about that with me. But we can start small can’t we? When’s the last time you had something to drink?” She looks at the empty glasses on your bedside table. “And when’s the last time you ate or took a shower?” The face you make at that tells her more than enough. “Okay you don’t have to answer that.” She reaches out tuck your hair back but you flinch away from it, the last thing she need to feel was your dirty hair. “Come on with that.” She sighs, “I don’t think you’re gross. I’m not grossed out at all okay? I promise. I’ve had my fair share of shower protests. It’s in the job description, no ones perfect. I love you, smelly or not. Now hold still and let me give you a kiss.” You relent at that. She presses a long kiss to your temple, sighing into your skin, “I’m sorry you feel this way. I don’t wan you to feel this way ever..so let’s start small.. How about a nice bath, yeah? I’ll set one up for you you can soak in it for a bit, while you do that I’ll clean up around here, change your sheets and...work on that.. situation.. in the sink, then when you’re ready I’ll come wash your hair for you. After that you can relax in the bath a little more, shave if that’s something that will make you feel good, or I could put some conditioner in your hair. Or you can just sit in a nice warm bath with a cold bottle of water and get your energy back up. I’ll get you some real food in the mean time.” She doesn’t poke or prod for information, she washes your hair with the same care and consideration that went into most of the things she did, she didn’t ask to join you, or to stay. She asked if you wanted to be alone for a little bit longer and left you to it when you confessed that you did only poking in to leave ‘the comfiest looking pajamas I could find’ for when you were done cleaning up. You manage to get yourself up and out of the bath without having to call for the help or extra motivation to do it. She only looks delighted to see you. “How’d the bath go? Did I use enough bubbles?” “It was nice..I didn’t realize how..far gone I was..I feel better..” You rub your arm, if she’s at all perturbed by your confession it’s not detectable. “Yeah?? I had a feeling it would help. Now come here. I really want a hug.” She pats the empty bed beside her and you make your way over. “Good, there you are.” She wraps her arms around you and sighs, “I missed you.” She tucks you easily into her chest, her free hand scratching the nape of your neck, “don’t apologize for that.” She stops you before you can talk. “I ordered some food from that place you like. I wanted to make something so you could get some food in you a little faster but...you’re running a little low on raw materials.” She combs her fingers through your wet hair, “it’s okay though having your favorite might make you feel a little better.” “Yeah..thanks for being here.” You close your eyes, still exhausted but your chest felt lighter, your whole body felt lighter. “Of course. I only wish I came sooner but...” She pulls back and looks at you, holding the base of your skull in her hands, “I get wanting to be alone sometimes. Needing space to get your feet on the ground is normal but...don’t be afraid to ask for my help either. If there ever is a time that you want me here, need me here even...I want to be here. I know I can rely on you so I hope you know you can rely on me too.” She presses a long kiss to your forehead at that. “I think I’ll feel a lot better tomorrow.” Your voice is quiet and your fingers brush against her collarbone. “That’s good.” Her palm pulls your hair off your forehead, “in the meantime I’ll be here to help you get there.”

Aizawa: Aizawa was an introvert himself. He liked being around other people at times of course but sometimes he just needed a quiet room to recharge. He figured you did too, and plus you were both plenty busy. For the most part he trusted your judgement and tended to not be very insecure when it came to how much time you spent together. He liked being around you, and would rather be with you than not for the most part but he understood probably better than anyone what exhaustion can do to a person. If you were tired then you could recharge. That being said he wouldn’t avoid you if he saw you out and about, and he saw you out and about. It was actually late for you to be out, late for anyone to be out really. You were leaving a convince store and he was getting ready to call it a night with patrolling. “Hey.” The way you jump out of your skin at his voice tells him he maybe should have approached you with noisier steps. “Sorry.” “It’s okay.” You clutch the bag you were holding, “I just thought I was getting mugged is all.” “You think there are criminals running around when I’m out here? I don’t know if I should be insulted.” He teases a little and you jump. “That isn’t how I meant-” “I know.” He chuckles, “I know. What are you doing out so late? It’s almost midnight.” “I...had to get some stuff.. You bounce nervously on the balls of your feet, the last thing you needed was him seeing you like this. It was the first time you’d gone out in like 2 weeks, you were sure you looked as terrible as you felt. “You don’t look very happy to see me.” Ever intuitive. You supposed you didn’t keep it much of a secret, the first thing you did whenever you saw him was reach out for him, his hand, his arm, his waist, you just wanted to touch. Or normally you did, but now all you wanted to do was get away. “I’m just...exhausted. Sorry I am happy to see you. I’m always happy to see you.” You rub your eyes, “like you said, it’s late.” “It is late.” He agrees, “I’m finished here.” “O-oh that’s good..are you hurt at all?” “No, slow night...but.. why don’t we spend the night together? Since we’re both here.” He didn’t need to see the state of your apartment. “U-uh okay yeah we can go to yours..” “You’re closer.” He raises his eyebrows, letting his goggles fall around his neck, “and you just bought stuff. I’m assuming it’s for your apartment not mine.” He peeks into the bag, “I don’t remember sending you a midnight shopping list.” “W-well yeah but there’s school tomorrow and you’re closer so it’s probably easier for you and-” “You’re an extra five minutes out.” He laughs at that, “and unless you trashed all my things in the week I went without seeing you I have plenty of stuff to wear at your place.” “Y-yeah I mean..that is true.” He raises one eyebrow at you, “so?” You couldn’t think of a good reason to say no, the mountain of dishes in your sink, the full washer and dryer and 2 baskets of unfolded laundry didn’t seem like an excuse, especially considering it was knowledge you wanted to withhold from him in the first place. “Y-yeah sure..it has been a while.” “Alright, let’s go then.” He reaches out and takes your bags from you batting your hand away as you try to stop him. “You’ve been working-” “I got it. It’s fine come on. You really shouldn’t be out so late by yourself you know.” “You’re probably right..” You murmur, making to follow him down the road. He doesn’t pry about your jittery state, he asks a few question about how your day went and seems to back down even more when you take a hold of his arm on your walk. “It really is slow tonight.” He looks around, “at least you picked a good night for a midnight excursion.” He nudges you a little playfully and you hum. You wanted to be more engaging but every step brought you closer to the impending doom that would be Shota seeing the abysmal state in which you were living. Once you get to the front door you realized you didn’t have your keys. “I...” You look at your shoes and he leans against the wall. “What’s up?” “I don’t have my keys..” “You really are lucky you ran into me.” He straightens up and shifts the bags to one arm to fish around in his pocket, “I’ve got one. Are you feeling alright?” You don’t reply because...well he’d figure it out. “Please don’t say anything rude.” You warble mostly to yourself as the lock clicks, he pushes the door open. “What do you mean don’t say anything rude, why would I-” He clicks the light on as he steps inside. Oh it’s worse than you remembered. How’d your laundry get to the couch? And why did you get a new glass every time you wanted water? Especially when you didn't drink it half the time. Everything is clearer in hindsight. “Oh.” He sets the bags down on the coffee table, which is really the only clear surface in a 10 foot radius of him. “I’m sorry.” You groan, slumping into the wall and scrubbing your face, “I’m so gross-” “I didn’t say that...But let me ask again.” He turns to you, “are you feeling alright?” “Not really no..” You look down again and he starts to pick up some of the glasses. “The sink isn’t any better..” You warn him, hugging your chest. “Yeah I figured.” He turns to you, arms full of various aspects of your mess. “Don’t look so guilty. Come on.” He nods you towards your kitchen, you figure the least you can do is pick up a few spoons, bowls and glasses on your way in. “You don’t have to clean up after my stupid mess I-” “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” He shakes his head, “you don’t feel good. I wish you’d said something sooner. I would have come when you asked.” “Don’t feel bad.” You murmur, “I wasn’t ready anyways.” “Come here.” He holds an arm out and you cringe, “I probably smell terrible I haven’t-” “It’s okay. It’s all okay. I’m not holding any of this against you, no one is. Come on. Over here.” So you shuffle into his chest, eventually wrapping tired arms around his ribs. “Does this help?” He’s rubbing long strokes up your back, his palm his firm against you every stroke pushing you a little closer. You just nod into his chest. “Did something happen? Did someone upset you? Or are you just having a hard time right now?” “I’m just having a hard time.” You reply, trying not to let your voice sound to wet or warbly. “Cry if you want to. If you need to. It’s okay. I won’t hold that against you either. Sometimes the best thing you can do is cry. I’ll be here for you while you do.” It’s not loud hiccup-y sobs, you aren’t bawling and sniffling. It sounds just as tired as the rest of you, it’s listless and exhausted and downright empty. It honestly hurt him to hear it a little. He’s been there too. One hand holds the back of your head the other keeps running those lines up your back pressing between your shoulder blades. “What do you think about taking a shower?” His fingers glide along the hem of your tee shirt, grazing your neck lightly. “It’s not that I don’t want to-” “I know. Hey, I know.” He pulls you away and slicks your hair back, “but you’re neglecting your body right now. Even if you don’t mean to. Your skin and hair will be really thankful for a shower right now. How can I help you get there?” He takes you to the bathroom and carefully undresses you going as far to turn the shower nob for you. “Sit if you need to.” He reminds you, gathering your clothes off the ground, “I’m going to leave the door open so call me if there’s anything you can’t do, but I’ll come check on you in 10 minutes okay? Is there anything you don’t want me touching or cleaning without you? Is there anything that’s off limits?” “No...it’s okay...I just feel bad you’ve been working and now-” “Don’t feel bad. I’m not doing anything that you wouldn’t do for me. Take your shower, I’ll come back in a few minutes after I fold up the laundry out here. Try to stay focused.” “Thank you.” You nod and squeezes your shoulder. “You’re welcome. And thank you for trusting me.” He helps you out of the shower and wraps you in a towel. In the time you’d spent in the shower he’d gotten most of your dishes into the dish washer and you could see your couch again. “New sheets.” He kisses your temple, “you ready to go to sleep?” You nod as he tosses a tee shirt to you. “Tomorrow morning you’re gonna eat a good breakfast with me right?” “I don’t really have much to cook with-” “We’ll make it work.” He leans back against the pillows, “don’t worry about it now. Right now just focus on getting some sleep, real genuinely restful sleep. Wake me up if you need me.”

#tw depression #aizawa shouta x reader #aizawa x reader #nemuri kayama x reader #midnight x reader #nemuri kayama #aizawa shouta #aizawa #bnha hc #bnha x reader #bnha request

264 notes · View notes

cafeinthemoon · 3 years

Text

Founders with s/o who’s struggling with depression and alcoholism 💔

This request was made by @akimurachang (@nakaakiko) and since i’ve already had some ideas for a scenario/situation like this, I decided to write it. Thank you for requesting this and for trusting my capacity to write it! Also, I hope you can forgive me for taking this long to do so. I will try not take so long to make requests from now on. Please people be patient with me, I'm trying my best XD

So here we have the Founders finding out their s/o has problems with alcohol and depression because of the proof that’s all over the place (broken bottles, etc.). How would they react to this? What would they do to take care of their loved one?

I’ll be using the same scenario for all of them, which is they going to their s/o’s house to find out why they didn’t attend to a mission about which they talked the day before and then finding s/o lying unconscious in the living room with a dripping bottle around.

Fandom: Naruto | Founders

Symbols: 💗 | ◻ | ▶▶

Warning (s): mentions to depression, emotional exhaustion/trauma and alcohol, minor injury

Hashirama 🌱

The thing with Hashirama is not that he doesn’t know that something’s not right; instead, his first reaction is to refuse to believe in his eyes

But all the signs are there for anyone to see

The missions you didn’t attend to and never justified your absence

That time when you casually met in the village and he noticed you were talking too much with a strange alteration in your tone

Somehow a mess in your house that persists and seems to increase in the weekends

A broken bottle you tossed into trash and that small cut in your hand you got while taking out the glass

Your physical tiredness (a result from your habit of using alcohol to replace food) and a decrease in your reflexes and other skills as a ninja

Hashirama is not stupid; he sees all of this

But is hard to accept that you, his strong, brave and lovely s/o could be a victim of such thing

That day when you don’t apply for the mission about which he talked to you the day before, he goes to your house to see if you’re okay and what he sees there is heartbreaking

You’re lying unconscious on your living room’s couch, and a bottle is dropped, its content dripping out and staining the floor

He takes the bottle out of the way and looks closer at you. You have an exhausted expression, your lips had some remaining drops of alcohol on them and your cheeks were wet with what he noticed to be tears

He takes the bottle to the kitchen and tries to wake you up

You wake up dizzy, with a some sort of numbness in your muscles and a terrible headache

When you recognize Hashirama by your side, you suddenly remember the mission

But before you can speak, he explains that he already sent other person in your place and that for now you have to take care of yourself

He tells you to stay where you are, because he’s going to run you a bath

When everything is ready, he takes you to the bathroom and helps you to take off your clothes and to find the shower

After the bath, he takes you to your room and leads you to bed, saying he’s going to prepare some food (it’s obvious that you’ve spent the night before and the morning drinking and haven’t eat anything)

He brings the meal to your room and doesn’t let you leave until the bowl is empty

Then he tells you to take some rest. He leaves eft a wood clone with you in case you need something while he cleans the house

With all the minor inconveniences fixed, you have time to focus on the primary stuff

Hashirama has a way to make people be honest while talking to him, and this works on you too

You tell him your story with alcohol since the start, when you drank for the first time and when it became a real problem. You reveal to him what you feel before, during and after drinking, your fears, your insecurities, your reasons and your failed attempts to stop

He is a good listener, has empathy as no other, and most important, he’s never judgmental

He assures you he would never be disgusted or look down on you because of your problem, which was your biggest fear and your reason to not speak out before

Hashirama is not he most practical person around, so he has a hard time creating measures to help you

In this matter, you show to be more prepared than him: you suggest not leaving anything that reminds you of alcohol at your sight, not going to places where they offer alcohol and things like this

He uses your suggestions to create codes you can share in case you need immediate help

You reschedule your free time to keep your mind occupied with the things you’re good at: if you feel useful, necessary to yourself and the village, your self love and self respect will grow, and with them you will to overcome your problem

He also says that if you feel comfortable, you two can seek for advise with someone who’s been through the same as you

It is true that after some weeks of improvement, there are some relapses and you are caught drinking again

And maybe Hashirama doesn’t show necessary firmness when this happens

But he compensates this with his ability to transmit the strength of his will to other people

Hashirama doesn’t let you give up on yourself, because he knows that this is the key to your cure and he wants you to be aware of that too

When you are with him, you feel like everything is possible and that even someone with your problems can be saved

Tobirama 🌊

Now, with Tobirama things seem to happen faster

Because he's not blind to the signs

So he doesn't take long to take some action

He has been observing your behavior for a while now, but never interfered because he was hoping that you would reach out to him sooner or later

But this doesn't happen, and when one day you don't show up to the mission you were assigned to just the day before, he decides to stop waiting and to do something

The first thing Tobirama feels about the situation is frustration

He thinks you weren’t being honest with him for all this time, and that you don't really trust him

In his mind, it means that to you he's not important enough for you to share your stuff with him

Tobirama doesn't say anything. He just goes to your house to confront you for your reckless attitude

Yeah, you might have some trouble in your personal life, but neglecting your obligations? That's too much

However, none of his previous observations have prepared him for what he finds there

Lying on the couch, unconscious, visibly exhausted and with a bottle on the floor right under your hand, you were nothing like the person he knew

He starts to question himself: did he take too long to do something to help you? Was it his fault?

Being the practical person he was, Tobirama doesn’t waste time with deliberations and approaches you

He’s not a medical ninja, but he doesn’t have to be to understand what happened there: you emptied that bottle, passed out and didn’t wake up because you probably started drinking late at night

He also notices that the skin of your face is a bit clingy: tears rolled down on it hours before

Tobirama’s first measure is to create Shadow Clones to work on your house while he is going to take care of you

While there’s a clone organizing the living room and other two or three verifying the conditions of the other rooms, he uses his sensory abilities to examine your chakra flow

It’s not that good

He uses some basic healing technique to bring you back to consciousness

When you wake up and understand what’s going on, you try to explain and apologize all at once, but he tells you to stay quiet

You do it, and he runs you a bath. But you can do it by yourself thanks to the jutsu he used on you, he goes to your room and comes back bringing you clean clothes

While you dress up and such, he goes to the kitchen to prepare some food. The Shadow Clone he sent there tells him about broken bottles he found on the trash. He dismisses the Clone and decides to talk to you later about this

You come to the kitchen and he puts the bowl in front of you

All the time you stay there in silence. It’s hard, after what happened, to have Tobirama’s eyes on you and not feel judged

You’re in the middle of the meal when you stop eating and break in tears

You hide your face in your hands, so you don’t see him approaching; you only notice it when you feel his hand on your hair

He invites you to a calm place where you can talk without distractions

You accept the invitation and he uses his Hiraishin to take you to a river’s shore

At first, you don't know what to say and he doesn't know what to say to encourage you. But you have known Tobirama for a while now, so you have no choice but to accept that the first words won’t come from him

You don’t try to justify yourself or explain your feelings right at first. You just tell him the sequence of events

He listens to you without interrupting, nodding to confirm he’s following everything. It’s always strange when you have to open your heart to him, cause these emotional matters are not his specialty

Still, he tries his best

He doesn’t sugarcoat anything: he clearly tells you how disappointed he is, not just because you failed with your appointment but mainly because you didn’t reach out to him

He says he wants you to trust his capacity of doing anything on his reach to help you

He then explains that he’s going to be by your side for anything you need, but you’ll need to fight for yourself if you want it to work

You explain that periods of depression and relapses are common for people in your situation, and that it’s not going to be easy for him to deal with you when they happen: your previous partners gave up on you during the process

You are going to need his strength, love and patience for the whole journey

Tobirama looks in your eyes and states that you are not just his loved one; you are part of the village, part of his family, and he won’t give up on his family without trying to save them with everything he got

Madara 🔥

Well, don’t get me wrong in this one

Madara loves you and cares about you as much as the other Grandpas

But unlike them, he has a hard time to understand that even the person he loves most has their flaws and makes mistakes

With all your qualities, abilities, and after all you have been through, how could you fall for such thing?

Yes, Tobirama also finds it difficult to understand that you have a problem that you can’t fix all by yourself, but with Madara the whole question is about strength

It was never a secret to you that weakness disgust him

nd to him, your problem with alcohol is exactly a weakness

So how can he find himself by the side of someone like you? Impossible

But the evidences are all around: the appointments you’ve missed, the alterations in your behavior during weekends, the mess in your house, the headaches and tiredness on Mondays

There was one time when he noticed a cut on your hand and immediately knew it wasn’t caused by a kunai or any other weapon

When he questioned you, you lied. He knew it, but he didn’t dig deeper

However, now its impossible to close his eyes to what’s going on

You didn’t show up to the mission you had together, so he goes after you to find out what happened

When Madara finds you lying asleep on the couch, with a bottle that must have slipped from your hand and now stains the floor with the last drops of its content, he’s confused

He really doesn’t know what to think nor how to feel about the scene

He checks your vital signs to understand the seriousness of your situation

You’ve been unconscious for a couple of hours, but your heartbeats are regular; your levels of chakra seem to be normal as well, but your reflexes will be impaired for a while and you won’t be able to stand up and walk without help

When you finally wake up, you find Madara sitting next to you. It’s clear that he has been there for a long time

You’re experiencing a terrible headache and it seems that your body doesn’t respond to your brains commands

He approaches and helps you to sit on the couch

You can’t look in his eyes. You’re so ashamed that he found you in such state that you’re unable to say anything

He helps you to leave the room and says he’s going to take care of you

You’re aware of the Clone he sent to other parts of the house under the excuse of “checking if everything is in order”, but you don’t argue; you just nod and let him manage things

The first thing he does is to take you to the bathroom. You watch while he warms up the water and brings clean clothes for you

You’re so tired that you don’t even try to protest when he helps you during your bath

It’s also when he notices more marks all over your body that remind him of that one you had on your hand

When the Clone disappears, he receives his memories and finds out that you’ve tossed some broken bottles on the trash. It’s when he finally realizes that this shattered glass are the origin of your injuries

He finds some medicine for the recent (and more serious) ones and lets you resting on your bed, only returning to bring you warm food

You think of refusing it, but it smells so good and you’re so hungry you’d just eat everything in five minutes if he wasn’t there to stop you

He then brings some medicine for the headache

When everything seems to be fixed, Madara tells you to take some rest, explaining that he will return later, and you agree in silence

Days after that, your first attempt to discuss the problem is a total failure

Like, it’s clear that Madara is concerned: the idea of seeing the person he loves following a destructive path like this is intolerable

But he’s divided between this feeling and his vision of strength and weakness, which influences his manners and his talking

So every time he says “you have a weakness”, it sounds like “you are weak”

You’re already in a fragile state, both mentally and physically; you sense you won’t take this for so long

You try to explain your side to him, but he doesn’t seem to understand

Finally you become angry enough to tell him to just leave instead of wasting his precious time with a burden like you

There’s something in Madara’s silence that seems to tell that he regrets the way he talked to you, but no apology comes from his mouth and he in fact leaves

The days pass and your situation only gets worse: while you drown in your alcohol addiction, he suffers for both of you but doesn’t take action anyway

When your absence is noticed by other ninjas (in the village itself and in missions), Madara puts his pride aside and goes after you

He comes at the last moment

You’re on a pitiful and also dangerous state

He immediately takes you to the village’s hospital and asks Hashirama to examine you, which he does, not without scolding his friend for his attitude

This time, Madara is too desperate to argue

He spends day ad night by your side, and makes it clear how much he loves you

When you wake up again and find him there, you read the regret in his eyes

He tries to say something, but you dismiss his attempt, making a sign for him to approach

You say that you current situation is like the one a war would put you through, and that you can’t get out of it by yourself:

“I need the greatest warrior beside me to win”

He kisses your forehead and holds you as tight as your conditions let him

“No. I need the greatest warrior beside me. Forever”

#naruto headcanons #tobirama #madara #hashirama #hashirama headcanons #hashirama x reader #tobirama headcanons #tobirama x reader #madara x reader #madara headcanons #founders

196 notes · View notes

honestlyfrance · 3 years

Text

( oranges in october )

You’d think that just because he had wings and he flies, that makes him an Icarus. Icarus fell to his death. He did not resurface, he did not live beyond that power. Sam Wilson soared high into the missiles of war and came back battered and red, dripping love and death as he stands in the aftermath of it all. You think he was an Icarus when he was actually Apollo. Anyone who gets too close to him falls to the ocean waves, then sooner than later, he’s left singing eulogies as his heart rattles in a cage.

He’s sadness in a bottle. He’s got a lot of baggage, and it took so much of him to figure out how he was going to carry it.

If you ever wondered why tragedy is always romanticized, it was because the red was too much, and what else is there to do? They made songs out of the fallen and poems from their last breaths. Sam Wilson gasped, “Let him live. Let me catch him,” and his arms caught the air that whisked Riley away. He only had a few regrets.

Sam’s thoughts ran that day. He wondered what would have happened if he did catch him. Would Riley say some ridiculous remark, or would he be shaken, overcome with the trauma of near-death? Would Riley cry, or would he be quiet, forever empty? Would Sam never have left the Air Force or would he be more careful, a never-ending feeling of death following him? It was no use anyway. All that Sam thinks of was What if I never met Riley? What if Sam never loved a man so much his death shattered his very soul. He’s battered. Gold can’t glue him back together. He’s seen so much red, it’s bleeding in his heart.

They buried an empty coffin.

Maybe if he had never let himself love then he wouldn’t get hurt. If Sam never let himself be vulnerable, maybe he could think of death as a missing person. Gone from your world, but somewhere out there living their best life, now that would be quite the belief. Sam wouldn’t have to spend so many nights alone if he had only let himself believe that. What if I never met him? He thinks that he would be better off okay.

It’s selfish, he knows, but seeing it happen and pretend it never did was something awfully wrong to him. It was like driving through an empty highway in the dark, speeding by with your headlights the only source of light, and suddenly by your right, you see the mangled corpse of some dead thing on the side of the road. You were too late, you couldn’t stop now or turn back around. It was dream-like, it always was. Sam couldn’t turn back and save it. It was like he didn’t know him anymore.

He’s screaming in his head because Riley wasn’t supposed to die young. That man had ambitions and plans. The world hadn’t had the right to do something so cruel.

If anyone tried to touch his hand, it would only go through. Sam couldn’t feel himself as he mourned. It’s all falling apart.

The thing is, it wasn’t just Riley. It was everyone who ever tried to be close to him. He’s a grown man whose most feared words were still, “Your mother isn’t coming home” and he wouldn’t even know how to begin to explain it. He knows he doesn’t owe an explanation about his grievances, but the thing that terrifies himself is the fact that he can’t even begin to explain anything. Sam can’t say how much he loved these people to even begin to comprehend how much it hurts. It’s a pool of love that drained itself every time he tried to do so. He can’t reach the seafloor.

Sometimes he thinks his remorse is just an overreaction, and then he becomes numb to the point it’s his normal to grieve this deeply.

He’s trying. He’s trying so hard. Please believe him when he says it.

He sees himself break and he doesn't even know what from. He's falling so slow he braces for the impact before he even brought out his wings. God, he’s trying, believe him when he says it.

Sam knows he's shattered. He's looking like a lost cause. Like a bruise pressed every time he sees it, he's screaming for the ache. He wants to live but at the same time, he wants every tear he shed to drown him. Heaven sighs at their angel, and Sam's going down like Babylon.

He's lonely, after the war. He's curled into his sheets as if everything was too loud to look at. He left the Air Force then he's looking up into the sky, wondering if every pararescue was an angel in disguise. Sam’s eyes were tired and he wished for a kiss goodnight.

Forgive him. He's sad and lonely. He wants to romanticize every single quiver of life before he loses it.

Goddamn, how he loses it. Sam walked alone on the pavement and dropped his umbrella, feels the first drop of rain on his cheek like a lover's kiss. And, oh, he's gone mad — mad with loneliness. He wants to kiss the sun all of the sudden but his tongue tasted like ashes from the war he died to escape from. He's losing his mind deciding if he's allowed to love again, and now he's shattered as he thinks about it.

Is a kiss any less lovely if it had been a different set of lips? Sam's turned to Shakespeare just wondering about it. He's still trying, believe him. It's just that the wounds on his back ran deeper than the trenches in the ocean and no one seemed to want to even acknowledge the depths of it. No one wanted a scar so deep they'd have to fill it with love to dig out the doubt.

War made poor boys angry and Sam might be one of them, he doesn't know. The pull of heaven’s light is enough to blind him but he knows the books, don't trust his own faith as much as he's used to. He's praying blindly and confesses as if he's got the right to in the first place.

If repentance was a kiss, Sam wouldn't even think he'd deserve to think about it.

He moves sluggish but that’s what depression does to you. It takes all of his might to even hold his niece in his arms without crying and then his sister's whispering in his ear, "I love you, Sam, but don't you ever hurt yourself." He finds himself in front of the VA Hospital in D.C. and suddenly he’s crying in the car as he drives home afterward. It was like an ocean wave cleansed his soul, but the shore was still a mess, he knew as much, but he'd watched the water ebb and flow for as long as the day burns bright.

There are years of healing after that, and he knows he’s trying, believes it some days but sometimes he forgets. It felt like eons finding help. Sam tells himself that war kept chasing him when in reality he just misses it, jumps at the first sight of danger, and follows it through the depths of hell. It wasn’t his fault — no one’s fault really. Who was to predict that Sam would be an Avenger?

No one thinks that what he does is like war, but Sam could sense the familiarity. He’s soaring into the sky and he’s kicking helicopters by the tail. He’s following orders and sending them out, back on a team so different from his own that it grounds him into reality. This isn’t war, he thinks, it’s just what your body wants you to think.

Sometimes he’s falling and he feels like he’s in another dream. Other times, he’s dreaming and he screams. But he knew that he shouldn’t regret what he had lost, all he needed was to take care of what he has now before he loses it later. You know, Natasha Romanoff once said that he was the embodiment of the present, so aware of your surroundings, you pick out exit strategies as if you made the floorplan. You don’t think of how the past is haunting you or even think of what you could have.

I’m trying to get through the day, he says to himself and her. Little things like these keep me okay.

Years pass and he finds what he could have had a little too late. He appreciated what he had had with his closest friends but he feels like pouring alcohol on a wound that never truly healed. Sam finds out Natasha was gone and he breaks even further, grief becoming too much of a permanent thing in his life.

He's singing Ave Maria as he's dying.

( read more on AO3 )

#sambucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes #winterfalcon #repost but ok :)#france: works #france: writing

44 notes · View notes

glitxhwayventeen · 3 years

Text

We Might Be Dead By Tomorrow

Minghao: Chapter 2 (Mr. Brightside)

Characters: Minghao x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, smut, unprotected sex, mentions of voyeurism, mentions of exhibitionism, public sex, nudity ish, marking, mating, creampie, dirty talk, angst, fluff, blood and gore mentions (I’m not really good at being descriptive busy still, it’s there in this chapter and if you’re not up for it, please don’t reader), runaways, domestic violence, death mentions, violence. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.

Author’s Note: I recommend listening to Mr. Brightside by The Killers. It sets a good mood for this chapter I think.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

🥀 & 💋 & ☁️

We Might Be Dead By Tomorrow Master List

Chapter 2: Mr. Brightside

The pack decided that once morning came, they’d send out a group to investigate the screams you had heard last night. Low and behold, after breakfast was finished and everything was cleaned up, Seungcheol, Wonwoo, Jun, Mingyu, and you went out to see if you could find any remnants or answers on what had happened last night. Of course, Minghao fought for you to remain at the house and have him go in your place as he didn’t want you around any danger, but you insisted on going out with the others instead. You were the only one who really had any knowledge of or experience with Sirens. It just made the most sense. So he reluctantly agreed that it would be best for you to go, after some heavy convincing from his Alphas.

As you all sat out on your adventure, Mingyu was the one that lead the charge. He had the most reliable sense of smell compared to the rest of you and, as a single man, he would have a better chance at tracking the Sirens whereabouts than you would. After what seemed like hours of false leads and suspicious activity, you all finally stumbled upon something worth while.

“Ew. What is that?” Jun questioned aloud while covering his nose to try and mask the scent of death that met his nostrils as you approached the scene.

“I think the question is: WHO is that?” A disgusted Seungcheol stated, nearly vomiting from the sight in front of him.

You couldn’t blame either of them for their reactions. The picture in front of you was enough to churn even the hardest of criminals stomachs. On the forest floor, there was a dead body, though you couldn’t really even classify it as that anymore. It was a mess of blood, bone, meat, and skin that trailed on for about five feet around its center. Bits and pieces had gotten caught on the rocks and trees around. It’s smell was putrified as it had been sitting out in the middle of the night. It was so unrecognizable, the only reason you all figured out it was human was because of the scent. Animals and humans had different auras around their essence. Animals had more rustic scents to them while humans smelt more … fresh in nature to wolves. And whoever this was smelt more fresh than your average animal.

“Yep. This was definitely done by an angry sire boys.” you let out casually as you knelt down to examine the victim more in depth, holding your breath as much as you could so you didn’t have to inhale the scent of death anymore than you absolutely had to.

“How the fuck did some poor person end up as a piñata on the forest floor?” Wonwoo asked, still in quite a bit of shock at seeing a human so messed up. Wolves could get vicious, and they had all seen a lot of carnage in their time, but this took the fucking prize for most traumatizing corpse they had ever dealt with.

“Sirens use men to get pregnant. They know within minutes if it worked. And this mess here tells me this guy didn’t… satisfy her needs. So she killed him” you declared, bringing yourself to stand back up in an upright position, dusting your hands off once you were standing.

The boys were all honestly shocked that you remained so cool during the whole commotion. The thought of what happened even made Wonwoo wince, but not you. They were a bit taken back by your ability to deal with such a thing and not want to draw back in disgust.

“So he didn’t get her pregnant. Big whoop. For most girls, that’s the dream. Why does the bitch care so much about it?” Seungcheol responded to your last remark, attempting to bring back his usual cool exterior while crossing his arms over his chest.

“Sirens are like wolves in that department. Any wolf with a mate will tell you just how hard it is not to mate them to have kids. It’s a primal urge. Even humans feel it, just not as strong. But with Sirens, their goal is to continue spreading themselves around the world to wreak havoc.” You explained, using your knowledge of them to your advantage so you could tell the boys more about the dangerous creature you were dealing with.

“And when a human can’t give the siren a baby to continue it’s work, they eat the human they used to procreate. The result’s… pretty brutal as you can see” you added, gesturing to the mess around you.

“So this is for sure the work of one of those things? A siren?” Mingyu asked, clearly wanting to know whether or not he would be in danger as he was one of the few boys in the pack who always had to have sex, regardless of who it was with.

“Yeah. I’m pretty positive. Which means everyone needs a curfew now.” You huffed out, pinching the bridge of your nose in annoyance at the thought of being stuck in the house all day again.

“Hey (Y/N), you said that these siren things really only go after single men yeah?” Jun inquired while dropping to his knees next to the pile of flesh beside him.

“Yeah. Single men are the easiest targets as they’re the ones most susceptible to their song. Most sirens, not all, but most used to be scorned women when they were mortals. They don’t usually want to put that fate on another woman, so they just find horny single guys. Why?” You responded to Jun’s question.

“Well…” he said as he picked something up off the ground and brought himself to his feet again, “I think this… pretty much proves that this thing doesn’t care if the dude’s taken or not.” He continued as he held something out for the rest of you to see.

It looked like the remains of a human hand. But there was a gold band wrapped around one of the fingers. Shit.

“That’s- that’s really REALLY not good.” You gulped as you took the hand from Jun and examined it yourself, praying that his first hypothesis was wrong.

“Why? It just means that she’s not picky, right?” Seungcheol let out a dry chuckle at his own shitty joke.

“No. It means that she was probably born a siren. If she’s able to seduce a man in love, she’s worse than a conjured siren. It means She’s half human. So she can walk around during the day looking like a normal human.” You shuddered out, worry now spreading throughout your whole body for everyone around you. This was bad. This was really REALLY bad.

“Hey baby!” Minghao exclaimed as he came and kissed your head, meeting you guys right outside the house just as you returned home.

“How’d it go? Find anything out?” He spoke as he quickly engulfed you in a hug, having been waiting by the door for your return the entire time you were gone.

Once he had caught up with you and had you in his arms, you suddenly burst into tears. You buried your face in his chest and sobbed uncontrollably, worrying Minghao a great deal. He looked to his brothers for answers as to what your sudden outburst could’ve been about but, all of them were just as shocked, they had all thought that you were fine after everything that had happened. So they saw no reason to panic as your coolness earlier showed them they could handle what was coming. But clearly, your currently state meant that something was very wrong and, regardless of how curious they were on what it could be, they knew you well enough to know that you just needed to be alone with your mate when you were like this. They knew he’d get to the bottom of it and come to them if it was anything important or concerning. Everyone bowed their heads towards Minghao and then quickly made their way toward the house.

You didn’t mean to start crying. You tried your best to hold it in. But you were absolutely fucking petrified on what could happen with the siren running around. You weren’t a protective Alpha like Seungcheol, you weren’t as level headed as Wonwoo, you weren’t as innocently curious as Jun, and you weren’t as optimistic as Mingyu. Seeing everything that happened to that married man and knowing everything that the siren could still do to the people you loved hurt you on deeper level that even you didn’t understand.

You held a solid face in front of the others earlier as you didn’t want them to see your pain or feel scared themselves. But Minghao always made you feel safe and loved and knew how to comfort you and he took all your bad thoughts away. So when you saw your mate’s face, you just lost it. You needed him. You didn’t care that the others saw, you could explain it all away to them later. You just needed your mate to hold you and tell you that everything was gonna be alright, even if it wasn’t.

“Baby, what’s wrong? What happened?” Minghao asked as he picked up your depressed form and walked with you into the forest, far enough away so that the pack couldn’t hear you.

“Hao- I- I’m so worried. The siren- she- she destroyed a man. He was just a puddle when she was done with him. We wouldn’t have even been able to see that he was human if we weren’t wolves.” You sniffled as you clung to his shirt for dear life.

“What if she- what if she does it to one of you? She- she can do it whenever she wants. She can hurt anyone anytime she wants. She can walk around during the day- she’s half human. She- she can hurt anyone. She can hurt you. I- I cant lose you Minghao. I- I just can’t” you choked into his chest as he sat down with you on his arms on the forest floor with his back against a tree.

“Baby, it’ll be okay. I won’t let her hurt the pack. You don’t need to worry about me. I’m all yours. Siren be damned.” He spoke softly as he kissed the top of your head.

“There- there was so much blood Hao” you whined as you looked up to his angelic face, watery eyes causing tears to stream down your face.

He subtly wiped the water off of your cheeks and held your chin with his index finger and thumb.

“I know. I’m sorry you had to see that my love. But it’s over now. I’ve got you.” He shushed you with a small kiss to the top of your nose.

“He was married. He was in love with someone and she- she still got him. I- I don’t want her to take you too” you whimpered out, he brought his hand up and cupped your face gently, stroking your salted cheek to help sooth your pain.

“She won’t take me baby. You’re the only girl I could ever want. You’re the only girl for me” he smiled at you, the adoration in his eyes evident. But you were still unconvinced.

“But… how- how do you know that?” You whispered as you look down at your hands, trying to focus on something else so your tears wouldn’t start up again.

“Because my love” he said, pushing some stray hairs that had fallen in front of your face behind your ear, “No one in this world could EVER give me what you can”

“And what’s that?” You mumbled. He quickly pushed your face up to look at him and connected your chapped lips to his plump ones.

His lips were beyond the softest thing that you had ever felt. You had kissed him before, but this was different, it was like he was trying to express everything he felt for you through one kiss. It was powerful and passionate. You responded immediately, grabbing the nape of his neck and pulling him deeper into the kiss.

He slid his tongue over your bottom lip, asking for access, which you swiftly gave him. Your tongues started fighting for dominance and, although both put up a good fight, it was Minghao who came out on top, as usual.

The kiss quickly escalated, ending with him lying you down on the ground and placing himself between your legs. His lips started traveling down your neck, leaving bright purple patches on your skin, before he stopped at your breasts.

He gave you a devilish smirk moments before he ripped the tank top that you were wearing in two. You gasped, using your arms to help cover your semi-exposed chest as a blush rose to your cheeks.

“Relax baby. It’s just me and you here. And I…” he said in a deep, almost inhuman voice while unhooking your bra, “want you just like this.”

Before you could react, he attached his lips to one of your perky nipples, rolling the other between his two fingers and groaning. The vibration sent shivers down your spine, making you lose touch with reality for a second. When you regained your senses, you grabbed his face and brought it up to yours to gain his attention.

“But we’re in the woods. You tore my shirt off. And I cant just be naked on the forest floor while you pound into me. My back’ll get all torn up. And what if someone comes and sees us fucking. What’s then?” you pouted at him before you pecked his rose petals lips.

His bottom lip protruded out before an idea struck him. He pulled his shirt off of his toned body and slid it on yours. It was obviously much bigger on your petite frame than it was on his, it came down to your mid thighs.

“There, now you’ll be protected from the ground and any gazing eyes and we’ll both get what we want” he smirked before he started unbuckling his belt.

You had to admit, after the day you had, you REALLY needed him. And the thought of him taking you right there out in the open had you wet within seconds.

You bit your lip in anticipation as he finally managed to pull his hardened member out of his constricting jeans. You never got sick of this part, wtching his dick smack back up to his stomach after being restrained for so long always made you giddy.

He grabbed his cock and stroked it a few times, smearing his pre-cum down the base to help lubricate himself. He pushed himself back down to kiss your lips one more time before he glided himself in your entrance, leaving you momentarily stunned.

You had had sex with him a few times before, but Fuck, you’d never get used to his length. He fit inside you like a glove, hitting all the right places with the perfect amount of pressure. Like he was made to fuck you stupid. You loved it.

He paused for a moment after bottoming out, wanting to give you a few seconds to adjust. You groaned out and, even though you were still feeling a dull pain from the sudden stretch, you lifted your hips to meet his, indicating that you wanted him to continue. He quickly got the hint and slowly started pulling himself back from your heat before he thrusted in at full force, making you wail out his name.

“Fuck. It hurt so good. Please go faster Hao. Please!” You moaned in a pleading voice while grabbing at his biceps and scrapping your nails down them.

“Whatever you say baby” he smiled to himself as he picked up his pace, placing his hands on the sides of your head for leverage. You let out a Yelp and a gasp before throwing your hand over your mouth so you wouldn’t get any louder, not wanting anyone to find you in such a compromising position.

He felt your walls tighten around him and he couldn’t help the growl that emitted from his chest. He lifted your leg and put it on his shoulder. Hitting deeper into you causing you to lose your breath.

He tilted his head down to look at you. Fuck. He loved how you clung to him while he pounded you. He loved the dirty little moans that passed your innocent lips as he pushed into you deeper. He loved how quickly you would get wet at the thought of him fucking you. But most importantly, he loved how your pure little face scrunched itself up in pleasure whenever he hit the right spot.

“God, you take me so well. It’s like your little cunt was made for me. So tight and warm. Who do you belong to baby huh?” He grunted out, gritting his teeth as he moved to kiss your neck, enhancing your pleasure by sucking at your sweet spot under your ear.

“I’m yours. I belong to you. Only you. Please, don’t stop. I’m so close” you whined, dragging your nails down his biceps so hard that it no doubt must have broken part of his skin.

Just as he hooked your other leg to his waist to add to your ecstasy, you heard a twig snap nearby. Minghao immediately darted his head up to look around, though he didn’t stop his pace.

“W-what is it?” You question, trying to form words even though you were close to your orgasm. Your walls starting to flutter around his dick, earning a groan from him.

“It’s just a dear baby. Don’t worry. Nobody can see me ruining you. Not that I would mind the boys seeing me take you like this” he said while thrusting as deep into you as he could. Your walls started to clamp down on him at the thought. He laughed slightly.

“Maybe then they’d finally get the hint that you’re mine. Maybe then they’d stop thinking about fucking you. Everyone would know you’re mine. Everyone would know this pussy is all mine.” he bit his lip before he grabbed your hair with one of his hands, jerking your head to look him directly in the eyes.

You were so close, you felt like screaming. And, almost as if he could read your mind, he stopped you by lightly squeezing your neck with his dominant hand. The lack of oxygen felt incredible and your eyes began to roll to the back of your head. Minghao was quick to take notice of your sudden increase of pleasure and decided to tease you.

“Do you like that baby? Do you want me to show everyone who owns you? Is that what gets you off? Or do you like the idea of them fucking you huh? Which is it?” He sneered out and tightened his grip on your neck a little more.

“Answer me baby. You know I don’t like being kept waiting” he stated, continuing to fuck into your heat like it was his sole purpose in life.

“Fuck- both. Both! Part of me wa-wants them to take turns fucking me. Part of me want-wants you to force them to watch you rail me. Both.” You scream out at his sudden roughness, knowing full well the ideas both make him hard too.

“What a naughty girl you are. Wanting to be their little slut and wanting to be claimed by me in front them. I should go fuck you in the living room right now to show them this cunt is mine. But…” he started in a sexy tone that seemed to be only half joking, his fangs elongated as he got closer to his release, “I think making you cum and marking you right out here in the open will do. For now”

He smirked as he took the hand that was wrapped around your thought and started to rub your clit, finally tipping you over the edge, making you see stars. He bit down on your neck and made your release ripple out in the most jaw dropping orgasm you’d ever had.

Soon after, Minghao came inside you, his hot cum painting your walls in the most delicious way possible. He pulled his teeth from your neck and ran his tongue over the wound to have it close up. He found your panties and shorts and slid them on your exhausted body before he laid down beside you.

“You’re- you’re not mad are you?” You wondered aloud in a small voice.

“Mad? Why would I be mad? You just let me mate and mark you out in the open. What could I possibly be mad at?” He chuckled out as he moved you to his chest.

“Because of what I said before I came…” you trailed off, drawing small invisible shapes on Minghao’s chest.

“No baby. I’m not mad. I think it’s kinda hot actually. But we can talk about that another time. The only thing that matters to me right now is that you’re okay. Are you feeling any better?” He asked, concern laced his tone as he rubbed your back with his large hand.

“I’m okay. It helped comfort me. I just hope that the siren doesn’t try and take you away from me.” You responded earnestly, snuggling further into his torso.

“Don’t worry. She won’t. I’m all yours” Minghao declared confidently.

“But… how can you be so sure? I know we love each other, but the siren can take anyone she wants.” You added, nervousness surrounding your tone.

“Relax baby. She won’t get me. It’s never gonna happen because I love you too much.” He stated positively before kissing the top of your head.

“When did you become Mr. Brightside?” You smiled up at him with playfulness glistening in your eyes.

“One of us has to be my love” he laughed out, “Now rest up for a minute. We’ll have to go back inside soon or they’ll send a search party. That is… unless you want them to know we fucked out here” he let out questionably with a mischievous grin.

“Hmm… Relaxing for a minute it is.” You say shyly as you nuzzle into his chest. God you loved him.

Another Author’s Note: Okay so smut chapters take a lot longer for me to write so so only wrote this one. But technically Mingyu’s went up after midnight so I actually wrote two today. Which isn’t awful… but I want to write more. I’ve just been sick. But I swear tomorrow I’ll read these two chapters for errors and as soon as I get better I’ll start writing more!

(Updated 8/22)

#seventeen #seventeen angst #seventeen au #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #svt au #seventeen x reader #svt minghao #minghao #the8

25 notes · View notes

truckloadoffrogs · 3 years

Note

SamBucky runaway groom? 👀Bucky is the groom and he doesn’t want to get married with whoever it is and Sam pulls up to take him away and they ride off into the sunset together

Ooh cute! I like it. I hope I did it justice!

(tw: cheating)

—

Bucky watched the low light of the bar glance off his half-empty beer bottle as he twisted it in his hand. What the fuck was he doing here? He was supposed to get married to Brock tomorrow, to the love of his life, and here he was, sitting by himself at a sticky, dark bar, regretting every decision he ever made.

He brought the bottle back up to his lips and took a long sip. Maybe if he was plastered it would be easier to go to sleep knowing that this time tomorrow he would be married.

He was sure Steve was looking for him. Steve took his best-man duties very seriously, especially considering he hated Brock. With a passion.

The first time Steve met Brock, Bucky had been dating him for almost three months. Brock was hurt Bucky waited that long to introduce him, and told him that often, but Bucky honestly was worried about Steve’s reaction. That should have been his first clue.

Brock was just a bit— what’s the word? Crass. He wasn’t outright rude or anything, but he would just say things that would have made Bucky’s Ma give him a sharp look, then ask what he said his parents did, dear?

Needless to say, Brock and Steve very much did not hit it off. Dinner was very awkward, Steve glaring daggers at Brock and Brock glaring daggers at Steve and Bucky trying in vain to lighten the mood. This happened any time the three of them got together, and eventually Bucky gave up, and decided to have two separate lives: one with Steve and one with Brock.

For the next year, Bucky tried to rationalize his relationship with Brock. Brock was just honest, he didn’t have much of a filter but he wasn’t a bad guy, he obviously loved Bucky very much, et cetera, et cetera.

When Brock proposed, Bucky said yes because he thought he had to. He had never been in love before he met Brock, and this is what love felt like, right? If you love someone you have to lock them down, right?

But now here he was, the night before his wedding, alone and depressed.

Someone next to him ordered a beer. Looking over was automatic, and it was no sooner than had he turned his head that Bucky saw possibly the most attractive man he had ever seen in his life.

A grin was parting his lips, showing a charming gap between his two front teeth, and his mouth was framed by a neat goatee. His cheekbones were sharp enough to cut glass, his eyes were dancing with mirth at something someone on the other side of the room said as he looked over his shoulder, and oh my god he was big enough to hold Bucky down while he slowly pushed into him--

Bucky cleared his throat as he turned back to face the bar. What the hell was he thinking? He couldn't thirst over some stranger the night before his fucking wedding! Bucky groaned and dropped his head to the sticky bar top. He grimaced in distaste, but didn't have the energy to lift his head back up again.

"Hey man, you good?" The man next to him asked.

Bucky rolled his forehead around until he was looking at the man. The man's beautiful eyebrows were furrowed in concern, and his beautiful lips were in a gentle smile, and his big, beautiful body was turned towards him so Bucky could see his beautiful chest straining the turtleneck he was wearing... God. Maybe Bucky was already plastered.

He remembered that the man had asked him a question, so he nodded, blinked slowly, and rolled his head back so he was looking at the bar-top again instead of this Adonis.

"Yup. I'm fantastic," Bucky mumbled, "Absolutely fantastic."

"What's that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of your very obvious misery seeping out of you."

Despite himself, Bucky chuckled. He lifted his head and rubbed at his forehead, trying and failing to get whatever was making the bar sticky off of his skin.

"Yeah, I'm good," he repeated. Holding out his right hand, he introduced himself, "Bucky."

"Sam," the man-- Sam-- said as he shook hands with him. "What kinda name is 'Bucky'?"

Bucky laughs and shakes his head self-deprecatingly. "My real name is James, but there were, like, four other James's in my grade in elementary school so I went by my middle name, Buchanan."

"No fucking way you're named after a president!"

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Bucky giggled (giggled?? who was he? a middle school girl?), "And anyway, isn't it worse to immediately know that I have the same name as a president? Nerd."

Sam let out a bright bark of laughter, and shoved Bucky's shoulder. "Man, shut up."

Sam's fingers caressed Bucky's arm as his hand dropped, and Bucky could almost feel the tension between them, sparkling like static electricity. Bucky watched Sam's hand drop back to the bar, then looked up at Sam, making eye contact with him. Bucky's smile shrank slightly when he realized he had never felt this kind of chemistry with someone before, and he had only met Sam maybe three minutes ago. He looked back at his beer bottle.

Clearing his throat, Sam said, "So you never did say why you're sitting here alone being all sad."

"Uhm, I'm gettin' married tomorrow." He let out a nervous laugh.

"Oh." Sam looked disappointed. Maybe he felt the same chemistry Bucky did. "Wait, why are you here, then?"

"I just realized that I'm pretty sure I don't love him," Bucky mumbled, "Which is a shit way of ringing in a wedding." He refused to look up at Sam, not wanting to see his reaction.

"Well at least you figured it out now, right? Instead of months or years later."

Bucky looked up at Sam, surprised. "You don't think I'm crazy?"

Sam smiled. "Hey, if you know, you know."

Bucky felt caught in Sam's gaze, he wasn't able to look away. Is this what love felt like?

The past year flashed by before Bucky's eyes. When had he ever been excited about a text from Brock? When had Brock actually made him feel good, feel loved, feel cared for? Did he really want to spend the rest of his life with someone he couldn't even bring home to Steve?

"I gotta," He stood up so quickly his stool tipped backwards, and clattered loudly on the ground behind him. "I gotta call off a wedding--"

Mouth open in shock, Sam watched as Bucky backed up out of the bar.

"Wait here for me?" Bucky called to him, before turning around and bursting out onto the street.

He sprinted down the block to the hotel the wedding party was staying at, and suddenly slammed into a body coming the other direction, both of them falling to the ground.

"Holy shit, I'm so sorr-- Steve! Thank god I found you!" He stumbled to standing, holding out a hand for a bewildered Steve to do the same.

"Bucky what the hell--"

"We have to call off the wedding, Steve!" Bucky gasped, still holding onto Steve's hand. Steve gaped.

"What?"

"Yeah, I met Sam at the bar and he’s beautiful and I figured out that I don't love Brock at all and I have to break up with him before I get stuck in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life!"

He tugged on Steve's hand, forcing him into a run towards the hotel.

"Sam? Who the hell is Sa--"

"Never mind that, Steve!" Bucky yelled.

Panting, Steve yelled back, "Well I can't say I'm not happy about it!" He flashed a grin at Bucky. "I never liked him!"

Bucky laughed, giddy with relief. He had no idea how much the prospect of a life with Brock had been weighing on him until it was gone. "You'll like Sam!"

They burst into the hotel lobby, parting people like the Red Sea as they ran to the elevators. Jabbing the button Brock's floor's button frantically, Bucky bounced on his feet.

"Oh shit!" He suddenly realized something and turned to Steve, "I have no idea what to say to Brock!"

"I'm not the one who has to break up with him, this is your call."

The elevator doors opened, and Bucky hesitated. "Am I making the right decision, Steve?" he asked quietly.

"Bucky, these past ten minutes have been the happiest I've seen you in months," Steve responded gently, throwing out an arm when the elevator doors began to close again.

Bucky took a deep breath, and stepped out of the elevator, leaving Steve inside. He began to walk to Brock's hotel room, shaking his hands where they hung by his side. Once he got to the right door, he stopped, let out an explosive breath, and knocked on the door.

"Just a min'!" came a harried yell from inside. After a beat, the door swung open to reveal Brock, wearing low-slung sweatpants and no shirt, damp with sweat. Brock's eyes widened with panic, and he reflexively looked behind him where a rumbled bed was able to be seen, complete with a naked woman who quickly pulled up the sheet to cover her breasts.

Bucky let out a loud laugh. "Thank god! Now I don't feel bad about breaking up with you!" He turned on his heel, and threw Brock the middle finger over his shoulder, "We're through!"

His cheeks ached with how big his grin was. Thank god. Right before he reached the elevators again, he glanced behind him to see a dumbfounded Brock standing in the hallway.

"You're paying for the whole wedding, dickwad!" Bucky yelled as the elevator arrived. He stepped inside, not sparing Brock another look.

The elevator doors closed, and Bucky laughed with delight, leaning against the wall. Holy shit. Once the elevator arrived at the lobby again he walked out to Steve, who looked up from a magazine when he heard Bucky arrive.

"He was cheating on me!" Bucky said with a huge grin. "I'm going back to the bar. I'll see you in the morning?"

Steve nodded dazedly as Bucky turned around to leave the building.

"Wait!" Steve said, causing Bucky to turn around, "You're okay?"

"Never been better, Stevie."

He hummed tunelessly as he walked down the block. He hoped Sam was still there.

When he pulled open the door to the bar, the gentle hum of people talking rushed out. He scanned his eyes around the room, before walking up to Sam, who was still sitting at the bar. Tapping on his shoulder, Bucky held out his hand when Sam turned around.

"Bucky, newly single. Can I buy you a drink?"

let me know what y'all think!

#sambucky #runaway groom au #froggie writes #asks #steveng-rogers #fic #winterfalcon

51 notes · View notes

wreckofawriter · 4 years

Text

Heartbeat Part 2

(Final Part) <Part 1>

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Word Count: 3,580

Warnings: Angsty at the beginning, umm mentions of suicide and depression, swearing

Summary: An idea given to me by @mcluuvin666 Thank you so much! Reader moves on from Sirius and he realizes he made a mistake

A/n: This took me forever to write, I hope you guys like it!

You used to tell yourself you didn’t cry, that it was weak. But that was never true. The truth was you had cried far more in your life than you would ever admit. You had cried when your parents yelled at you or when your father hit you or your mother cursed you. You had cried when you fell from the tree in your backyard and when you slipped off your bike when you were nine. You had cried when you failed your first exam in the second year and recently you cried for no reason at all other than you simply needed to. You never let anyone see it but you cried a lot. But you had never cried like this before

You lay in that classroom for what could have been an hour or could have been a year. Loud sobs clawing from your throat like a feral beast that had finally been released. You felt your head pound as you pressed your forehead to the floor. After some amount of time had passed your throat no longer allowed any sound but whimpers from you. You could still feel tears slide down your face dripping off your nose and pooling on its curves. Your face felt hot, too hot like it was boiling, flesh burning.

Your mouth tasted bitter. You felt so frail. So incredibly weak. When you finally managed to get to your feet it was dark out, the moon nearly full, stars so bright they seemed only inches away.

You made it outside easily, no one was around to stop you if there was you doubt they would have succeeded. You stepped out onto the dewy grass where you once lay with Sirius. Where he had kissed you, where you had said you loved him and where he hadn't responded.

You should have felt stupid, so fucking stupid, but you didn’t. You didn't feel anything, anger, misery, hatred, despair and so many other bottles of feelings had been released. And now they were gone. And you felt numb. Your heart had slowed to its normal pace as you continued across the grass appearing silver in the moonlight.

You walked until your feet met with wood, you traveled out to the dock, the sound of crickets and small frogs filling you.

You stopped at the end of the dock. You contemplated taking another step, letting your body become a part of the darkness before you.

And then you did.

Your body hit the water and you were plunged into a cold you had never felt before. Your robes soaked instantly and you began to sink. You slowly parted your eyelids, you looked upwards at the celestial being above you quivering under the lense of wetness. You could see the moon, but your eyes didn't stay on the small planet for long. They traveled to the brightest star in the sky. Sirius. It blinked back at you slowly moving further and further away as your lungs began to burn. Your hair began to float in front of your face, your robes reaching towards the light as you were dragged backward by an unseeable force.

Then your eyes slipped shut and the fire inside you built, the burn strengthening. You could still see the bright star in your eyelids.

You felt the numbness suddenly disappear and for the first time in your entire life you were alone and you actually felt alive.

Your feet began to kick, black dress shoes moving in a flutter. You pushed yourself upwards, arms pumping as your eyes popped back open, your chest burnt, you would make it you knew you would, because you were still alive, and you would stay that way.

When you broke the surface of the water you immediately drew in a harsh breath forcing water further down your lungs as you began to cough. You managed to the shore collapsing in a heap of coughs. Until your lungs cleared and you were finally allowed to breathe normally again.

You're sitting staring out at the lake, ripples lingering from your plunge. The moon and stars reflected back at you making you feel as if you were trapped between two godly works of art and you could only stare, your heart thumped loudly you felt amazing, amused, and absolutely alive. Because you were alive. And you weren't about to let so asshole with mommy issues change that.

You felt a smile creep onto your lips as you stood. Your robes weighed what must have been thousands of pounds but you didn't care. You let out a light bubble of laughter chin tilting upwards as you breathed in deeply the scent of midnight dew and pond water filling you as your hair clung to your face. You extended your arms, spreading them like an eagle.

"I'm alive." You whispered up in the sky. And you were.

You awoke the next morning feeling as if you had dropped 50 pounds. Standing wasn't a struggle, your eyelids didn't drag downward, your heartbeat was lively and awake. You simply felt good.

When you arrived in the great hall for breakfast you were met with quite a few surprised faces. You could see Sirius staring at you from his corner of toxic masculinity. The surprise in his eyes made rage cycle through you. You were tempted to run and scream at him, but you didn’t. You took a deep breath reminding yourself that was exactly what he wanted and you refused to give in to his wants ever again. You ate breakfast while reading one of your favorite books you had dug out of your trunk that morning. Everything seemed so much easier after last night.

You surprised just about everyone in your herbology class by being quite kind to the Hufflepuff who sat next to you. You had even asked for some help baffling the light-haired girl. During Transfiguration, you had made a point to apologize to McGonagall for missing that morning’s detention. Her eyes had gone wide and she had looked a bit pale, asking if you were alright which you assured her you were.

On your way to lunch, you did something absolutely unliveable. A young Gryffindor had been cornered in a remote hallway you used as a shortcut. You had come across five second-year girls who were teasing the poor girl, snickers leaving their mouth. You had debated continuing walking but you let out a sharp sigh and took a few steps towards the girls grabbing the two who were currently taking charge by their hair.

They had shrieked as you yanked them backward. Once they had turned and met your face the color had drained from their own. A sweet smile graced your lips. You asked them if they knew who you were. Both nodded quickly.

“Good.” You continued to grin, “Then you should know I don’t bluff. Now I will ask you once. Leave this girl alone or next time I will rip the hair from your head.”

They had scattered after you released them, their friends already long gone. You walked towards the girl on the ground. She had on large horn-rimmed glasses which magnified her sky blue eyes. Her teeth held bright pink banded braces, her hair a dirty blonde.

“Let me guess, you’re a mud- muggleborn.” You said catching yourself quickly.

She nodded slowly, she looked terrified.

You laughed a bit and she jumped. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m a changed woman, plus muggles write the best books.” You winked. “I’m y/n y/l/n.” You extended a hand.

“Rebecca Lastings.” She responded quietly, taking your offer as you helped pull her to her feet.

“Well, I’m starving. You wanna get lunch?” You asked as you helped gather her scattered books.

She smiled a bit, “Yeah sure.”

Lunch was... interesting. Turned out that Rebecca had an older sister named Laney Lastings - in your opinion a very catchy name - and when she saw her sister eating lunch with one of the most infamous Slytherins she was reasonably concerned.

When the Ravenclaw had marched up to you as you were shoveling chicken salad into your mouth you had once again done the shocking thing. You smiled and greeted the girl.

“What are you doing with my little sister.” She had hissed cutting you short.

You shrugged, “Eating.”

The blonde scoffed, “Becc lets go.” she snatched her sister’s arm but to her surprise Rebecca resisted.

“But she was just telling me about a book she read.” The younger girl spoke softly. By the look on the older’s face, you guessed she didn’t defy orders often. “It sounded very interesting.”

Laney looked up at you. You just shrugged. “What is going on?” she looked a bit shook up.

“Look I know what you think of me, hell what every single person in this room thinks of me but I’m a changed woman.” You explained, “I am honestly just talking to your sister, I have no intention of hurting her in any way shape or form.”

Laney’s eyes narrowed but Rebecca sat back down and took a bite of her peanut butter sandwich. “Come on y/l/n people don’t just change overnight.”

You shrugged again, “I did. Feel free to join us.” You motioned to the seat next to Laney’s sister and to your surprise she took it. And for the first time in your entire life, you had made actual friends.

You dreaded detention the next morning but to your surprise, it was rather pleasant. When you entered the large room it was already sanctioned into two groups. One contained three boys sitting in neighboring desks while the second held one dark-haired boy at the back of the room glaring at the former group.

You raised an eyebrow in confusion and sat a few desks away from both crowds. You then began to sort the paperwork you were told to, taking a walkman out and clipping in a favored artist.

About halfway through the hour, you were drawn from your work when a figure appeared before you. You looked up to see a pair of hazel eyes and curly hair hidden under a navy beanie. You removed your headphones letting them rest around your neck giving him a questioning look.

“Hey.” He managed, looking a bit unsure of himself.

“Hey?” You responded, glancing at the group he had left meeting to pair of eyes which quickly darted away.

“So umm, I know it's not really my place to say but I’m sorry,” Remus spoke, biting his lip.

“Why are you sorry?” You asked, still visibly confused.

He lowered his voice, “What Sirius did was really fucked up.” Suddenly the sanctions made sense, “And I just thought I would let you know that I’m sorry on his behalf.”

You let out a small laugh, “Please don’t Remus, you clean up enough of that boy's messes already, don’t put this on yourself. But thanks anyway.” You shrugged going to put back on your headphones.

“Laney told me about what you did for her little sister.” He spoke in a rush.

You stopped, “And?”

“She has been trying to get those girls to leave Becc alone for like three months, she started skipping classes and meals to avoid them, it was bad. But you stopped them with one conversation. That was really nice of you y/n.” Remus stated.

“It was whatever.” You answered with a shrug.

“It really wasn’t,” He protested, “But look we both wanted to ask you if you wanted to come to our study session tomorrow night. We get together three times a week, it’s me Laney and a few others, they’re all pretty chill and it would be great if you could come.”

A smile found your face, “Really?”

“Yeah, we meet in the library after dinner.” He was playing with his fingers now.

“Okay, sure. That sounds awesome.” You said.

“Great.” He grinned bouncing on the balls of his feet before turning and leaving.

“Hey, Remus.” You called just before he made it back to his seat. He whipped his head to look at you. “Thanks.”

In all honesty, being nice was completely exhausting, actually caring what others thought of you took its toll, especially after the well-crafted reputation you had built for yourself. You had also started paying attention in classes for the first time in a long time so you had mountains of homework and suddenly understood your peer’s desperation for good grades. You tried to convince yourself that a study group was a brilliant idea but your worries ate away at you.

What happened when most of the group hated you? Would they cuss you out? What if they refused you despite Remus’s invitation? There was so much room for failure. Godric making friends was difficult.

You busied yourself with the nightly homework in the common room, you had gotten used to the strange looks you received. A whistle drew yourself from your herbology sketch.

“Wow y/l/n, I did not expect you to turn into a loser when you found out.”

You rolled your eyes at the familiar voice, “Avery.” You drawled.

“What has gotten into you?” He asked, taking a seat next to you, “First you help out a mudblood, then you go and make friends with her filthy sister and now you're doing Herbology homework?”

You glared at the boy, “Don’t call them that.”

He only smirked back, “I must say you look much prettier without the bags beneath your eyes and a little effort put in.”

“Go fuck yourself.” You spat resisting the urge to strangle him.

“There’s the y/n I know.” He smiled triumphantly, “But where has she been? People don’t change overnight.”

“Well, I did douchebag.” You hissed.

“No you didn't.” he sneered, “You're still the same stone-cold bitch, you’re just hiding it and let me tell you, I can’t wait for that mask to break.”

Your hand tightened around your quill, “Shut up.”

“I’ll be there to catch you when you fall y/l/n. I’m glad you’re wearing skirts again, you look hot.” He taunted his face so close to your own you could smell his cologne.

You were about to slap him but before you could a voice resonated through the air, “Avery back off her.”

You both looked up and you met the gaze of a Slytherin you swear you had never seen before. He had dark hair and darker eyes, his face was sharply cut, lips looking far too rounded on his visage.

“What do you have on it Dapperton?” Avery asked leaning away from you.

“Just back off.” His tone was harsh, a thick Scottish accent in his voice.

“Whatever.” Avery scoffed standing and shooting you one last glance before leaving the room.

“You okay?” The boy you now knew as Dapperton asked.

“Yeah, fine.” You managed.

“Cool, listen I was wondering if you could help me with my Arithmetic, I’ve heard you are pretty good at it.” He said.

“Sure. I’m y/-”

“I know who you are.’” He laughed, “I’m Lewis. Lewis Dapperton.”

“Okay, nice to meet you, Lewis.”

You had made three official friends.

You tried not to let Avery’s words bother you as the days passed. But it was hard. The study group had been a bit awkward but not all that bad, Lewis was actually a member much to your surprise. Nights became difficult again. The idea that maybe this was just a passing phase and that it was simply a few good days got to you. I mean people didn’t just change overnight.

But I did. You screamed at yourself. I swear I did.

It all came crashing into a dreadful climax two weeks after night it all started.

It had been two weeks of confusion that morphed to anger and soon into sadness and jealousy for Sirius Black. When he had seen you in the great hall the night after you had found out about the thirty points he had almost shit his pants. You were up? And you were smiling?! He was sure you were going to come over and rip his throat out at breakfast. But you didn’t You just sat at your isolated seat at the end of the Slytherin table and read, looking surprisingly relaxed.

You had left a bit early and Remus had dumped his pumpkin juice on him saying he was a complete objectifying asshole and part of the reason why women were not viewed equal to men. Leave it to the feminist to ruin a perfectly normal bet. He had made the mistake of saying that out loud and caused an uproar at the Gryffindor table.

He had seen you working in the few shared classes you had and had been quite surprised. How was it you were having a better day than him? He supposed karma bit harshly. When you saw you at lunch sitting with a young Gryffindor girl he had once again been completely boggled. And soon you were joined by a Ravenclaw as well. What universe was he in?

That night he had gotten into another heated argument with his best friends. One that ended in him sleeping in the common room, locked away from his bed.

He had dreamt of you. That night when you had stargazed. When you had kissed him. When you had told him you loved him. He dreamt of your lips on his, hands in his hair, the dew seeping through his robes and the chirp of crickets.

The next morning sucked. He sat alone during detention forced to watch as you happily hummed along to your music. Your hair was pulled back and it looked surprisingly nice. You were also wearing a skirt. When did you get so pretty? Remus talked to you and mentioned him. Sirius bit his tongue not wanting to cause a scene. Plus the glare James was giving him hurt on another level.

The week got worse and worse. Suddenly you had friends and had started hanging out with a far too handsome Slytherin. You also choose that week to look ridiculously gorgeous and suddenly his thoughts were full of you. He found himself missing your scent and the texture of your hair. The sound of your laughter was a drug he had been deprived of.

His dreams of you got worse. He dreamt that he had told you he loved you when you asked. He dreamed he hadn’t left you alone. He dreamed of laughing in detention with you, making out in broom closets, going to quidditch matches together, sleeping with you.

He woke each day more aggravated than the last. Why the fuck was he the one suffering? It wasn’t fair. Well, he supposed it was. Finally, he gathered his remailing pride and tossed it out a window before cornering you on the way back from herbology.

“Y/n please just give me a minute.” He begged as you began to walk away.

“Sirius I have wasted far too many of my minutes on you.” You spat glaring past the boy.

“Please.” He pleaded.

You sighed tapping your foot angrily, “You’ve got one minute.”

It was then Sirius realized he had absolutely no plan, “What’s up with you?”

“What?” You glowered refusing to meet his eye.

“I mean you’re all nice and shit and you’re actually hanging out with people. It’s weird.” He explained.

“So, me being nice is weird?” You clarified.

“Yeah! People don’t change overnight!” He rationalized.

“So I’ve been told.” You murmured, “Look if this is all just about me being nice then please save me time and leave me alone.”

Sirius groaned, “It’s not just that! How are you so, so I don’t know okay?”

You finally looked him in the eyes and he really wished you hadn’t. Your eyes were dark with anger, narrowed to slits, reminding him of a snake. “You wanna know why I’m so okay?” You asked and suddenly he didn’t. “Because I was really really not fucking okay.”

Sirius was visibly confused, “What?”

“I almost drowned myself that night Sirius.” You hissed.

His heart stopped. “What.”

“Yeah.” You snarled, “I walked straight off that dock, shoes and all, and I let myself sink halfway to the bottom before I decided I wanted to live.” You spoke gesturing towards the lake.

Sirius wanted the earth to swallow him whole. You wouldn’t have opposed.

“And when finally reached the shore I had an epiphany.” You spoke with false glamor. “I suddenly realized I wasn’t going to let cock suckers like you and my parents decided anything about me and the way I live my life.”

Sirius wanted to break into tears. He started at you. The face he had been dreaming of for weeks meer meters from him and suddenly realized how desperately in love with you he was.

“So guess what, I changed overnight because I would have died if I didn’t.” You spat before brushing past him without another word. Sirius grabbed your wrist as you passed.

You turned glaring at him.

“I think I’m in love with you.” He spoke his voice breaking halfway through the sentence.

“You know I can’t answer that.” You scoffed snatching your wrist from his hold and turning to leave.

Sirius watched as you left so full of regret he couldn’t think of anything but what-ifs. When you were out of sight he sat on the ground and began to cry.

Taglist:

@wtfdanness

@darkhorse-of-your-dream

@geeksareunique

@songforhema

@wangmangagavroche

@evyiione

@accio-rogers

@roslea

@k3nz-doodl3

@theseuscmander

Masterlist

1K notes · View notes