#My favorite book in the whole wide world

[covergirlnay]

What are they reading this summer? ☀️📚🤓👀

How will they know that these books are available for them to read if they are BARELY promoted at stores and at school?

[paralellograms]

Hmm… maybe my next book shall be the secret history

[spod3]

// i will say you were young and straight* and your skin fair, and you stood in the door and the sun was a shadow of leaves on your shoulders, and a leaf on your hair. //

*PISSING MYSELF

[achingly-shy]

jeremiah’s fears about how things are going to change if/when conrad confesses he still has feelings for belly are the very reason i don’t ship jere and belly. a relationship full of doubts is not healthy and jeremiah deserves better (and we all know a part of belly will always love conrad)

[lovebugism]

Hi!!!

Could you write jealous!eddie x reader…🫣

I’m down so bad for this man istg

ty for requesting :D i too am down bad for this man — grump!eddie can't believe other people get to look at you (jealous!eddie, established relationship, 1.7k)

bug's one year celebration ♡

Eddie thought the comic book section of Family Video was the coolest thing in the world until he met you. And it’s weird ‘cause now you’re all he can think about. He’s holding a collector’s item in his hands, but all he can see is you — and how close you’re standing to Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington.

The boy lays two VHS tapes on the counter before you, each packaged in a thick plastic case. My Neighbor Totoro and The Land Before Time. He waits for you to make an impossible choice while you idle just ahead of him, elbows propped on the countertop with your head in your hands. Your wide-eyed gaze darts between the two options.

Your head shakes between your palms. “I can’t decide,” you conclude, rising to full height with a final huff. “It’s like choosing your favorite child.”

“Well, good thing you don’t have to,” Steve quips with a lopsided smirk. His nose scrunches, and it makes his honey eyes sparkle. “‘Cause you’re getting both. On the house.”

“You don’t have to do that,” you tell him, brows pinched in a quiet sort of protest.

He drops the tapes into a plastic bag, then shrugs like his hand slipped. “Too late.”

“Won’t your boss get mad?”

“What Keith doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“I don’t want you getting in trouble because of me,” you agonize, face twisted with every bit of it.

Steve meets your worry with a wider, pink grin. He bounces a shoulder and jostles the nametag pinned haphazardly to his emerald vest. “I’ll be fine, alright? I’m strong— I can take one of Keith’s stupid lectures.”

Your hesitant fingers brush his golden ones when you take the bag from him. “You’re so brave, Steve Harrington,” you lilt with a teasing glint in your eye, tilting your cheek to your shoulder to feign sincerity.

“The bravest, actually,” the boy jokes in return.

Eddie watches all this play out from where he lingers at the comic book stand. A whole rack of his favorite superheroes, and he isn’t paying an ounce of attention to a single one. 

He was only halfway listening at first, still mostly focused on the cartoon in his hands — if only to pretend he wasn’t completely eavesdropping on your conversation. But now he’s outright staring the two of you down, with an unabashed glare pointed at the asshole flirting with his girl. 

“God, he’s disgusting,” Eddie grumbles under his breath when Steve says something that makes you laugh.

He’s not talking totally to himself. Not entirely, anyway. Dustin’s crouched just beside him in search of one of the newer comics that he swears Keith is hiding from him. “He’s just being nice,” the curly-haired boy reasons with a shrug, obviously distracted as he flips through a stack of flimsy magazines.

Eddie scoffs and finally turns away from you to look at the boy below him. He blinks for the first time in several minutes as he shoots the kid a deadpan stare. “Oh, so it’s not because he thinks my girlfriend’s hot?”

“He’s definitely doing it because she’s hot,” Dustin answers without thinking twice.

“Watch it, Henderson.”

“You asked!” he argues, tilting his chin to look up at Eddie with a wide, ocean-eyed stare. “I’m just saying. Steve’s a good guy. He wouldn’t do that to you— Now, can you please help me find this stupid comic book before I lose my mind?”

Eddie huffs. He decides it might be healthier to distract himself with this metaphorical treasure hunt than stare daggers at you and Steve from across the room. “Which one are you looking for again?”

“Metamorpho— The original. Not the stupid reprint that just came out.”

The older boy stills. He closes the comic book between his palms with one pale hand until the cover of it flips down. Metamorpho, the vibrant cover reads, The Element Man. He’d been too busy looking at you, he hadn’t realized he’d been hiding the thing from Dustin for five whole minutes.

“Is this it?” Eddie murmurs, shoving the thing in the boy’s face.

Dustin’s head shoots up. He snatches the thing from the boy’s grip and gapes at it, with all his practiced teenage boy dramatics. “You had it the entire time?!” he shouts, but Eddie’s already sauntering to the front counter — where Steve’s still making you laugh. 

As pretty as you are smiling (so much that it makes his chest ache), there’s a simmering anger burning orange in his chest. Making you laugh is his job. Not Harrington’s.

You seem to notice his presence before he’s even wrapped you in his arms. You flash him a beaming grin that makes his stomach whirl. He gets sick with it — with nostalgia or something equally tender. 

The green of his envy starts to fade when he realizes you’re wearing his skull and cross-bones sweater, all bundled up in it like it’s yours. He feels a primal sense of ownership, knowing that you’re swaddled in something that belongs to him, knowing he has you in a way Steve doesn’t. It’s not every day the local freak gets to one-up the king.

“Ready to go?” Eddie grins, rosy and broad, as he wraps his arms around you in a loose, sideways embrace. The warmth of the proximity has your stomach doing backflips. The familiarity of his scent, musky and woody and smoky, makes your heart thud hard against your ribcage.

“Yep,” you nod, still smiling. “Steve’s letting me get the movies for free.”

Eddie’s lips smack against his teeth as his jaw drops in a feigned sense of awe. His wild curls bunch at his shoulder when his head tilts softly sideways, looking at the boy across the counter. “Aw,” he croons, high-pitched and sarcastic. “Isn’t that sweet?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Shut up before I revoke your comic stand privileges.”

Eddie squints. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me, Munson.”

Eddie, deciding to be the bigger person, chooses to abandon the petty argument. He feels like the bigger person, anyway — like he’s ten feet tall, walking out of Family Video with you under his arm. He could lose a thousand arguments and still feel like a winner as long as he gets to crawl home to you.

You can’t help but notice how weird he’s being, though. There was a foreign bite behind his words as he spat his sarcasm at Steve. The tension follows you even now, as he opens the passenger side door of his van for you. 

Eddie holds onto the rusted latch with a pale, tattooed hand. You turn to face him instead of planting yourself onto the chipping pleather seat. “Are you okay?” you ask, a subtle furrow between your brows when you peer at him from beneath your lashes.

The boy scoffs a boyish laugh, obviously overcompensating. “Yeah, I’m fine— what are you talking about?”

Your eyes narrow. “You’re being weird.”

“I think you’re being weird, doll— interrogating me outta nowhere.” 

He expects you to laugh. Then he could tell you how pretty you are, and you’d be so flustered by the compliment that you’d forget this entire conversation ever happened. You don’t laugh, though. You don’t even crack a smile. You just keep staring at him.

“I’m fine,” Eddie groans, wild curls billowing when a breeze rolls by. He still tries to smile, though the bright pink expression doesn’t quite meet his eyes. He shrugs and tries to play it cool because anything less than that is so not metal. “I’m just… I’m just a little annoyed. That’s all.”

Your chest stings and your stomach starts to ache. Your mind reels as you try to understand what you could’ve done because the oh-so-sensitive you feels like it must be your fault.

“Annoyed at me?” you press in a tiny voice.

“No!” Eddie booms instantly, much louder than you. He quietens, but his face still swirls with protest. He could never be annoyed at you. As far as he’s concerned, you’ve never done anything wrong in your life. “No— are you kidding? You’re perfect.”

He takes your face in his ringed hands, cradling your cheeks until they squish softly together. A perfect thing, indeed.

“Then what happened?” you mutter through your gently jutted lips.

The boy drops his chin to his chest and sighs. He hates that you care so much about him that you actually make him talk about his feelings. He’d much rather bottle them up and save ‘em for a rainy day. But no, you love him enough to pry the hidden emotion from his cold, black heart.

“I don’t know,” he answers first in an inaudible murmur, kicking at loose pebbles on the concrete because it’s easier than meeting your eyes. “Sometimes it gets annoying when… Other people look at you, I guess…”

He peeks at you beneath his long lashes, button eyes made of chocolate. They swim with a glittering emotion. Something tender and sheepish. He’s like a puppy when he looks at you this way. You can’t help but find him utterly adorable accordingly.

He’s a little surprised when his words make you laugh. He wasn’t joking, really, but he’s relieved to hear the honeyed sound. It runs over him like drops of summer rain and absolves him of all his envy.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think I can fix that,” you reply, smiling wide between his calloused palms.

“I know,” he whines, pouting softly. “And it sucks. ‘Cause you’re too pretty for your own good.”

You lean further into his warm hand. You blink at him with pretty eyes, and in a pretty voice, you wonder, “Would it make you feel better if I said that I only care when you’re looking at me? And that everyone else is basically invisible when you’re around?”

Eddie’s heart swells so much it starts to ache. You’ve awoken something in him — something that used to be dead before you came around, or something that didn’t exist at all. It’s something golden and made of velvet. Something warm and honeyed. Something that doesn’t have a name because you don’t even know you’ve invented it.

Despite trying not to smile too wide, a beam begins to pull at the corners of his mouth. A second later, and he’s grinning with all his teeth. He gets all shy, ducking his gaze as he nods at you. “Yeah, actually— that does make me feel a little better.”

You beam up at him, all lovesick and stupid. With your cheeks still in his hands, you rise to the tips of your toes and press a smacking kiss to the flushed apple of his cheek.

Eddie figures it doesn’t get more metal than this.

[giddyfatherchris]

I can't sleep

pairing: bang chan x reader

type: not requested

warnings: none, pure fluff baby

word count: 1k

requests: open for stray kids and bts

a/n: i thought of this when i had an insomnia episode for a few weeks and it always helped make me feel better, i hope it does the same for any night owl out there xxx

summary: the reader cannot find sleep, but instead finds comfort in the arms of her sweet sweet sweet partner

You awoke for what felt like the millionth night in a row. Eyes wide open, a little hot, and completely lucid. You stared at the ceiling, praying you would fall back asleep, but nothing.

Lately, you felt like a broken record. Almost every night, you would have the weirdest dreams and wake up every hour, struggling to get back to sleep. You would either end up on the couch reading a book or stay in bed trying every trick to reach a peaceful slumber once more.

Some nights, Chan was right by your side, and you cursed him for being asleep while you weren't. Of course, you immediately chased the thought from your brain every time. You knew how much sleep evaded him. The rare nights he could get were a blessing, and you would be a horrible person if you ever were mad at him for recuperating all his missing hours.

You checked your phone, hoping the time on your device would be decent enough for you to get up. You let out a growl of disappointment when you saw the numbers 3, 1, and 0 flash on the screen. You couldn’t help a spasm of frustration only to stop the motion dead in your tracks. You winced, praying you didn’t wake Chan up. After a few seconds of statuesque immobility, you realized your Aussie boyfriend was not in bed. You patted the blankets, searching for his muscular frame, but found nothing. You sat up and noticed the door ajar with a feeble light filtering through the crack.

You got out of bed, not before wrapping yourself properly like a burrito, and went out. Unsurprisingly, you found Chan in his office, gaze focused on the screen before his eyes. His hair was disheveled beneath the hood of his sweater. He wore his favorite pair of sweatpants and looked cozy as all hell. It seemed you weren’t the only one sleep eluded tonight.

You observed him for a few seconds, admired his handsome features, and marveled at his concentration. You felt your heart flutter with love for the man before you, gently humming to some mysterious song only he knew about. You shuffled to him, attracting his attention.

"Oh, hey baby. I didn’t know you were awake." he smiled at you like you were the best thing in the world, and you felt a herd of butterflies take control of your stomach but pouted at the mention of your insomnia.

"I think I caught your illness," you whined with your lower lip deep set in a pout. "I can't sleep well lately." He looked at your moody expression with a small smile illuminating his bare face. God, you were cute.

"Poor baby," he cooed, "I'm sorry to hear that." He opened his arms, motioning for you to sit on his lap.

You did so happily, sitting on his thighs and facing him like a koala. He stroked your back and held you tight.

"I'm sorry for saying I caught your illness. I feel so guilty telling you I can't sleep knowing you've been dealing with insomnia your whole life. I sound like a bratty kid, I'm sorry," you mumbled on his clothed shoulder.

He pulled back enough to meet your face. "Hey, I never said anything like that and didn't even think it. I get how frustrating it can be. As you said, I can't even remember a time when I didn't have insomnia. I'm so used to it that I don't really care anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't show you compassion for going through something similar. Okay? So I don't want to hear anything more about feeling guilty."

You nodded shyly before letting your head fall on his shoulder.

"My beautiful angel", he whispered while kissing the side of your head, just above your ear. You nuzzled in the crook of his neck, took a deep breath, and inhaled his familiar scent, appreciating the calming effect it always had on you.

You finally looked at his screen, wondering what he was working on. As usual, when Chan couldn’t sleep he used that time to work. He figured at a young age that if he couldn't use the late hours of the night to rest, he might as well put that free time to good use. He quickly explained the new song he was working on, inspiration striking in the dead of the night. You nodded appreciatively before settling your forehead on his chest.

You stayed like that for a little while, hoping sleep would find you, as it sometimes happened when you were cuddling with Chan, but nothing. Not the faintest sign of sleepiness.

"You really can’t sleep, uh?" he asked when you wiggled on his lap for the third time. He also hoped the cuddles would have lulled you to sleep as it usually did, and wondered if he had lost some of his effect on you.

You sighed deeply, "I don't know what's happening to me."

He sat back in his chair, hands on your thighs, to face you. He gently lifted his hands to cup your cheeks. You leaned into the touch and almost started purring like a kitten when he stroked the side of your face.

"I think it’s time we use the big guns," he suggested magnanimously.

He carried you to the couch and gently laid you down before disappearing. You heard him rummaging in the kitchen for a little while before he returned with two steaming cups of tea.

"First, a little chamomile tea. It helps to relax and fall asleep." He smiled before handing you the cup. "Careful, it's very hot."

He disappeared again and reappeared with more blankets, his Wolfchan plush you loved, and his laptop in one hand.

"What are we doing?" you stared curiously at him, the hint of a smile playing on your lips.

He sat down next to you and grabbed the remote.

"Now, we put on one of your favorite movies, and you just relax. I have to finish this tiny thing for work, and then we can cuddle. Does that sound good?"

You couldn’t help the smile on your face as you looked at your oh-so-caring boyfriend. You grabbed his face and kissed him deeply. You loved the way his lips just seemed to fit perfectly with yours. Once you pulled back, he seemed a little dazed but stared at you adoringly.

"Woah, what did I do to deserve that?" he whispered, gaze still going back and forth between your eyes and lips.

"Oh, not much. Just being the best boyfriend on earth."

He smiled shyly and kissed your forehead before putting the movie on play.

You cuddled into his side, lightly playing with his free hand. You watched the first movie, sipping on your comforting cup of tea while he worked. Once done, you watched another together until sleep finally graced the both of you with its peaceful embrace.

[charlesslut16]

-He's sick-

summary : Sebastian is sick and you and yourk kids do everythingf you can to help him recover...

PAIRING : sebastian vettel x fem!reader

WARNINGS : none

note : i hope that you like this!

december masterlist ; masterlist   

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You woke up to the sound of gentle sniffles coming from your husband, Sebastian's, side of your shared bed. The soft morning light filters through the curtains, casting a warm glow on his face as he stirred restlessly.

He was clearly not feeling well, and it was evident from the way he shifted uncomfortably under the blankets. Either he threw them away, because he was hot or the other way around, he held the blanket to him, as he was cold.

"Seb, my darling, are you okay?" you murmured concerned, reaching out to feel his forehead. It was warm, not alarmingly so, but enough to confirm that he had definitely caught a sickness bug.

Sebastian's voice was hoarse as he responded, "I think I've got a little bug, my love, nothing major."

Your heart went out to him. He rarely felt ill, but when he did, it was like the world had turned upside down. Today was supposed to be a relaxed day with the kids, full of fun and activities.

But plans needed to change now, and you were determined to make it as comfortable for him as possible. He needed to recover swiftly, because you hated when he felt off.

"Okay, my love, don't worry. I'll take care of everything," you assured him, gently kissing his forehead before slipping out of bed. Today was his day to do absolutely nothing but relax.

First things first: a comforting and tasteful breakfast for your loving but ill husband. You prepared a pot of steaming hot tea, a bowl of chicken soup, and some toast.

The aroma wafted through the whole house, and even though Sebastian's appetite was subdued through his sickness, he managed a few sips of tea and a spoonful of soup.

Meanwhile, the kids, full of boundless energy, burst into the room with wide eyes and curious expressions. They were confused that Daddy wasn't there in the morning to wake them up.

"Is Daddy sick?" your youngest asked, concern etched on their little face.

You nodded, crouching down to their level.

"Yes, sweetheart, Daddy's not feeling well today. We need to make sure he gets lots of rest and feels better soon, so we can play and have lots of fun as we had planned, okay?"

Their little heads bobbed in agreement to your statement, and with that, the mission to cheer up Daddy began. The whole day would be devoted to helping daddy feel better.

Throughout the day, the house was transformed into a makeshift haven of love and care. The kids gather their toys and books, setting up a cozy nest beside the bed.

They brought their favorite stuffed animals to keep Sebastian company and insisted on reading stories aloud, their voices a melodic chorus that filled the room.

You brewed more tea for your husband, bringing it in a cheerful mug with a bright smile. Even if you didn't want to admit it, secretly you loved taking care of Sebastian.

"Honey, I made you some herbal tea. It'll help soothe your throat."

Sebastian's lips curled into a weak smile, touched by the thoughtful gesture. "Thank you, love."

The day unfolds with a blend of tender moments and laughter. The kids created handmade "Get Well Soon" cards, decorating them with colorful drawings and heartfelt messages. They sang songs, trying to make up lyrics that would magically cure Daddy's sickness.

As evening approached, you prepared a simple yet nourishing dinner. Nothing fancy, just comforting food that might entice Sebastian's appetite. He managed to eat a little, and though his spirits were low, the love and care surrounding him uplifted his mood.

Before bedtime, you gathered the kids around for a family hug. "Let's send Daddy lots of healing hugs and positive thoughts so he feels better tomorrow," you suggested, and the kids nodded enthusiastically, wrapping their little arms around Sebastian.

As the day winded down and the kids drifted off to sleep, you tucked them in, whispering promises of a brighter tomorrow. Turning to Sebastian, you saw him looking at you with gratitude shining in his tired eyes.

"You're amazing, you know that?" he whispered, his voice still raspy.

"It's what we do for our loved ones," you replied softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You just focus on getting better, okay?"

And as the night settled in, you lied beside Sebastian, holding his hand as he drifted into a peaceful slumber, surrounded by the love of his family. Tomorrow would bring a new day, hopefully, one where the sickness bug had bid adieu, leaving behind memories of a day filled with love, laughter, and unwavering support.

[toasttt11]

never grow up

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger

A five year old Quinn walked into the hospital room while his little brothers were waiting outside with their grandmother. He saw him mom in the hospital bed looking tired but extremely happy and smiled bigger when her oldest came in, and his father was holding a pink bundle smiling down at it.

Quinn walked over to his mom leaning up and kissing her cheek, “Hi mama.”

“Hi Quinny you want to meet your little sister?” Ellen smiled brushing a hand over his hair, smiling at his enthusiastic nod, knowing her sweet boy have been very excited to meet his sister.

Jim walked over as Quinn sat in the chair, Jim leaned down gently setting his daughter into Quinn’s arm.

Quinn softly gasped seeing his baby sister look so cute he slowly brushed a finger over her soft cheeks, before her little hand went to her face and her tiny fingers wrapped around Quinn’s finger.

Quinn smiled widely at his baby sister, “I’ll always protect i promise.” Quinn smiled at her holding his finger and knew he was already wrapped around her finger.

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

A three year old Carter slowly sliding of her bed, quietly opening her bedroom door and tiptoeing down the hallway to Jack’s door, she gently opened the door sliding into his room.

The whole house silent as her family is all sleeping, but she wanted to be with her brother.

Carter gently lifted up the corner of Jack’s comforter and pulled herself up into his bed and sliding right into his side.

Jack woke up slowly feeling something move next to him, and he looked over and saw through the strips of moonlight coming through, a tiny body with brown curls and he smiled wrapping an arm around his sister.

Jacks hands curling around her curls as he felt his little sister relax againt him and fall back asleep , he pulled the blanket up more around her before falling back asleep.

Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreamin'

A six year old Luke was watching a hockey game with his five year old sister sleeping with her head on his lap, as their mom was in her office and their dad and brothers were at a game.

Carter slowly moved around making Luke look down seeing her still sleeping but moving around and her eyes fluttering, her nose scrunched.

Luke gently put his hand into her curls gently rubbing her head making Carter slowly relaxed and fall back to a more peaceful sleep.

So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

Carter whimpered seeing the shapes move around on her dark walls, the wind howling outside and she whimpered again before throwing her blanket off running out of her bed into the room next to hers, Quinn. She quickly pulled the door handle running into her room.

A eight year old Quinn looked up from his book that he was reading in bed, before he had to got to sleep, and he saw his almost three year old sister biting her lip and shaking as she busted into the room.

Quinn quickly jumped out of bed rushing to his little sister, he kneeled down in front of her pulling her into a hug rubbing her back.

“What’s wrong Reesie?” Quinn frowned feeling how much his sister is shaking, he kissed the top of her head.

“Dark.” Carter whimper out hiding her face in Quinn’s chest.

Quinn slowly nodded understanding what’s wrong, He picked her up still holding her in a hug and setting her on his hip, he walked over to his desk digging in the top drawer looking for something, before he found what he was looking for.

He walked them out of his room back into her room, he clicked on the main light before waking to the outlet and plugging in the nightlight he grabbed. He turned it own making stars shine across the whole ceiling.

“Hey Reesie, look!” Quinn cooed making Carters head slowly move from where she was hiding in his chest and smiled at the stars, blue and purple stars filled her ceiling.

“Woah!” Carter gasped seeing how pretty they all are.

Quinn slowly walked back with Carter still sitting on his hip but focused on the stars and clicked off the main light and breathed out a sigh of relief seeing Carter not notice.

He slowly walked them to her bed and set her down onto the bed, he kneeled down on the floor by her bed covering her up with her blankets seeing her tired eyes watching him, “That use to be my stars, i use to have to sleep with them too.”

“You did?” Carter gasped not thinking her big brother would be afraid of anything.

“Mhm, but i learned that the stars protect you when you’re scared. If you’re ever scared just look at the stars.” Quinn leaned down kissing her on the forehead slowly humming until she feel back to sleep.

To you, everything's funny

Carter who was six was making a grunt looking down at her dinner plates seeing the peas, she hates peas.

Jack who was nine was sitting across the table from her and as she put the food in mouth he gently tapped her leg making her look up at Jack who scrunched his nose and made a pea come out from both sides of his nose, Carter laughed forgetting the food in her mouth making it fly across the table and hit Luke who was sitting next to Jack.


The table paused before Carter was laughing so hard she was leaning out of her chair and not quick after Jack was wheezing trying to catch his breath as he laughed so hard and Quinn tried so hard not to look at the mashed potatoes that splatted all over Luke’s face but the when he saw them he couldn’t help but bust out laughing just as hard as his siblings.

Luke was trying to be annoyed but when he saw his face in the reflection in the mirror in the dinning room he couldn’t help but break out laughing as well.

You got nothing to regret

Carter who had just turned six was playing outside hockey a 1v1 with her seven years old brother, Luke was behind her trying to get the puck she had in her hands when suddenly she went to move and her stick went up and it flung right into Luke’s nose, Carter quickly dropped the stick turning seeing Luke holding his nose in pain and his eyes teary.

Carter eyes widened with worry, “MOM! MOM!” Carter screamed towards the house having her hands on Luke’s arms as his nose started to bleed heavily.

Ellen rushed our hearing Carter scream, Quinn was quick to follow behind her, they saw Carter holding Luke and Luke holding him face.

Ellen quickly ran to Luke making Carter’s hands drop from Luke’s arms, “What happened!” Ellen gently demanded as she gently lifted Luke’s hands wincing seeing all the blood but his nose was still very much straight and looked like it was just a very bad bloody nose.

“I accidentally hit with the end of my stick when we were playing.” Carter tearfully and hurriedly explained.

“Quinn go get toilet paper.” Ellen asked her eldest who nodded now realizing that it must just be bloody nose.

“Is he going to be okay?” Carter softly asked holding Luke’s hand tightly.

“He’ll be okay, it’s just a bloody nose.” Ellen soothed her daughter worries as Quinn walked out with a toilet paper roll handing it to his mother.

“I’m sorry.” Carter regrettably whispered to Luke as they walked back into the house and Ellen was holding toilet paper on Luke’s nose to stop the bleeding.

“It’s okay Reeses pieces.” Luke whispered back, it didn’t even hurt that bad but it was uncomfortable with all the blood but he knew his sister didn’t do it on purpose.

I'd give all I have honey

If you could stay like that

A recently just turned six Quinn snuck out of his bed in the middle of the night. He tiptoed out of his room and down the hallway towards Carter’s room he quietly opened her door and walked to her crib seeing her eyes fluttering open and shut, he leaned into the crib gently picking her.

Quinn picked up the blanket hanging over the back of the rocking chair before sitting in the chair with Carter in his arms, he covered himself and Carter with the blanket.

Carter cooed making Quinn attention immediately go to her, Quinn saw his baby sister staring up at him and he gave her his finger and she wrapped her little fingers around it.

Quinn slowly rocked the both of them back to sleep and he hep Carter all night long until Ellen came into Carters room the next morning and found her oldest and youngest fast asleep in the rocking chair.

Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

“Mom!” Carter groaned frustrated sitting on her bedroom in frustration, it was the first day of first grade tomorrow and she couldn’t figure out an outfit.

“Reesie?” Ellen responded out in concern walking down the hallway to Carter’s bedroom seeing Carter sitting on the floor looking frustrated, Ellen walked over kneeling down in front of her and gently rubbed Carter’s back, “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t find an outfit.” Carter huffed out.

“Would you like some help?” Ellen softly questioned still enjoying the days where her children need her help, especially since her youngest seems to want to do everything on her and is always very independent.

Carter titled her head before slowly nodding, Ellen smiled and looked at the clothes all around them and saw a grey and black plaid skirt and then looked and saw a black long sleeve with ruffles, she help them up to Carter, “What about this? With your black headband?” Ellen smiled at her.

Carter nodded happily a smile now forming on her face as she hugged her mother, “Thank you.”

“Anytime Ressie, Anytime.” Ellen closed her eyes savoring the hug.

Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

An eleven year old Carter rubbed her eyes as she quietly walked into the kitchen in the middle of the night wanting cold water, she blinked seeing her dad sitting at the dinning room table, “Dad?”

Carter soft voice got Jim’s attention who turned around seeing his daughter standing there, “Hey bug.” Jim softly smiled at her patting the seat next to him.

“Are those the cookies mom made? Carter cocked an eyebrow at her father as she sat next to him seeing him have cookies and milk in front of him.

“I won’t tell, if you want.” Jim mischievously smiled holding a cookie out to his daughter.

Carter looked at the cookie knowing they are really good because her mom made them before grabbing the cookie and taking a bite out of it, “Deal.”

Carter happily grinned as she munched on the cookies with her dad.

I won't let nobody hurt you

Quinn turned around just seeing as his sister was smashed into the boards after the whistle was already blown, and before anyone even knew it, Quinn had his gloves dropped and he was on top of the Calgary Flames player tackling him to the ice and not stopping hitting him until Quinn was dragged off him.

Quinn knew his mouth was running but he didn’t care he shrugged off the referee and took his penalty seeing his sister not on the bench, the second the period ended Quinn had jumped out of the box skating across the ice hurrying down the tunnel to the medical room, he bursted in seeing the doctors holding a light to Carter’s head checking for concussion.

“Is she alright?” Quinn hurriedly questioned, gently grabbing her hand.

“She’s okay, i would like her not to play the rest of the game as they was a very bad hit to the head, she doesn’t have a concussion but for safety i suggest she doesn’t.” The doctor kindly instructed Quinn before leaving the room.

Quinn pulled her into a hug pressing a soft kiss to her head.

Won't let no one break your heart

And no one will desert you

Quinn frowned as Carter denied the FaceTime something she never does and then she texted “sorry can’t talk now” Quinn frowned deeper having feeling like Carter has been off lately.

He quickly got up and packed a bag and getting into his car, he had three days off from work and decided to drive the five hours to his little sister.

Quinn drove the five hours to Regina and walked up into her apartment building, he took the elevator to her floor. He knocked on her door waiting for her to open the door.

A fifteen year old Carter looked up from her couch and got up walking to the door, she opened it and was shocked to she her brother, “Quinny?” Carter softly questioned feeling her eyes fill with tears.

“Ressie.” Quinn softly smiled at his baby sister, she lunged forward pulling him into a hug.

Carter let out a shaky breath as she felt comfort from her big brother, she didn’t realize how alone she would feel in a new city all alone.

Just try to never grow up

Never grow up

Carter got off the plane from Sweden after staying there for almost a year only really doing school and playing hockey, she turned 16 there, she did end up growing a good few inches while she was away and she knew she put on a lot of good muscle, and a lot of her baby fat on her face went away. Carter saw Quinn waiting for her and she quickly walked over to him a smile, “Hey big brother.”

“Can you stop growing please.” Quinn questioned wirh a wide smile pulling her sister in a long overdo hug, her now only being three inches shorter than him.

Quinn drove her to their parents houses were the rest of their family was waiting for them.

Carter laughed as she was covered in confetti from Jack and Luke as she walked into the house and she saw the welcome home banner.

“This is not fair.” Jack pouted seeing how tall his sister got and how his younger siblings are way too tall.

Luke pulled Carter into a tight hug swaying back and forth. Jack pushed Luke off her and pulled Carter into a tight hug, “No more growing ok.”

“Ok.” Carter fondly rolled her eyes at her brother.

Ellen pulled her youngest in a tight hug pressing kisses to her face having missed her so much, “Oh my love you got even more beautiful.” Ellen smiled softly holding her daughter’s face in her hands. Of course the family had facetime while Carter was away but it was hard to tell how much she grew up from a screen.

Jim rested his chin on his daughter’s head holding her a long hug.

Don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

Luke walked into the living room seeing his three siblings cuddled up together so he walked over to the couch towards them.

Luke layed down in between Jack and Carter resting his head on Jacks thigh and gently grabbing Carter’s hand gaining a squeeze in return. Quinn was cuddled against Carter.

The four siblings cuddled together on the couch for a long time just listening to the pouring rain and thunder outside until they all fell fast asleep, just like they always did when they were younger.

Jim and Ellen walked down to the basement that was usally always loud but was completely silent and they saw all their kids cuddled up together. Ellen and Jim smiled, Ellen took a picture of her kids as Jim grabbed the other blankets on the back of the couch covering Luke with one and Quinn with the other.

And no one's ever burned you

Nothing's ever left you scarred

Carter was on her roller skates in the front driveway of her house playing with her brothers, when she slipped and her knee slid roughly across the asphalt. Carter gasped seeing the blood starting to run down her leg and could feel the tears running down her face rapidly. Quinn saw her fall and quickly dropped his stick and skated to her, Carter who was only four.

“Sshh, Your okay Ressie.” Quinn softly cooed bending down in front of her and wrapping her in his arms, “Jack can you go get mom.” Quinn calmly demanded his brother not taking his eyes off his sister, Jack quickly nodded and skated towards the house.

Luke sat on the other side of Carter holding her hand looking at her in worry. Ellen came out with Jack seeing her daughter crying sitting in the floor and her boys comforting her, “Oh honey, what happened?” Ellen brushed her baby hairs that fell out of her ponytail.

“I slipped.” Carter soflty hiccuped being more frustrated at falling than being hurt, and crying because she was so overwhelmed.

“Ok, why don’t we go inside so we can clean your boo-boo up yeah?” Ellen softly talked to her daughter, Carter slowly nodded and looked up at her big brother with her big wide eyes that were filled with tears.

Quinn picked up his sister bridal style and carried her into the house. Jack made sure to pick up of Carter’s hockey stick off the driveway, and Luke kept a hold on Carter’s hand the whole time.

And even though you want to

Just try to never grow up

“Bye Quinny! Bye Jacky! Bye Lukey! Bye Mom and Dad!” A recently turned five year old Carter smiled widely waving at her family as she happily skipped into her first day of school.

“Does she have to grow up.” Quinn frowned unhappy his baby sister seems to never stop growing.

“Can’t she just stay little.” Jack pouted hating seeing her grow up.

Ellen and Jim shared fond looks having thought the same things many times with all their kids.

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Carter who had just turned 14 looked around the room she grew up in, the dark green shiplap that her mom picked out years ago and Carter never got rid of it having always loved it , the wall full of her old hockey’s sticks, the bulletin board above her desk filled with photos of friends and family, her bay window that has way to many pillows and throw blankets, the star nightlight that Carter could never get rid of.

Carter looked around seeing a now empty room having packed everything up and loaded it onto the moving van to their new house in Michigan.

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Carter was sitting at the dinner table working on her spelling for her kindergarten class but perked up hearing the sound of the car in the driveway and it turning off. Carter hurriedly dropped her pencil and scurried across the house to the front door.

She heard the key in the door unlocking it and the door opening it, Carter smiled running right into her dad’s legs.

“Dad! Your home!” Carter grinned up at her dad, Jim tiredly smiled down at his youngest kid, “Hello Bug.” He picked her setting her on his hip as he held her with one hand and the other grabbing his bag.

Carter wrapped her small arms around his neck, “I missed you.” Carter leaned her head on his shoulder.

“I missed you too Bug.” Jim kissed the top of her head.

Remember the footsteps, remember the words said

Carter pulled the cover over her head trying to block out all the noise in the morning and go back to sleep not wanting to be awake this early.

Carter groaned frustrated hearing all her brothers and their friends stomping around in the morning. She could hear all of their loud voices traveling through out the house and she knew she wasn’t getting anymore sleep this morning.

And all your brother's favorite songs

Carter groaned hearing Jack playing another country song on the speaker as they were all out on the boat and Jack grabbed the speaker first.

Jack and Trevor sung to the music dramatically jumping around the boat together.

Carter just shook her head feeling the headache forming but knew she misses these kinds of moments in the season so she put up with listening to him sing his favorite songs.

I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

Carter was sitting in her new bedroom in their new Michigan house that they moved into a few months ago. She opened the email from the WHL and knew exactly what it would be, either the acceptance or rejection. Carter had applied for the WHL, when they were still living in Canada and now knew if she was accepted she would be moving away from her family.

Carter let out a breath as she realizes she got accepted into the Hockey League she’s been dreaming of and the first player to ever get accepted a year early something her brothers didn’t even get approved to do.

Carter proudly smiled to herself as she got accepted to one of her dreams, but frowned when she remembered that the only close team to Quinn only had one draft pick this year, and all the other teams are at least two hours away from Vancouver, Carter knew it was going to end up with her being all alone.

So here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder than I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on

Carter looked around her new bedroom in her little apartment in Regina, Canada. She looked at how little things she really did bring with her from home, she frowned feeling the chilly breeze and seeing nothing but dark in her room. She looked through her suitcase and found the nightlight she brought, the one she has had for ten years.

She plugged in and slowly relaxed seeing the stars fill the ceilings, something she’s always slept with ever since Quinn gave it to her.

She put on a hoodie she stole from Jack and got under her comforter trying to warm as she slowly fell asleep all alone in her new apartment.

Wish I'd never grown up

[saekkas]

𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆

summary: in a different universe, michael kaiser comes home to you, and every single hardship he's endured has meaning when you wrap your arms around him. in this one, he has only himself to blame for when his house becomes a shadow of the home he used to live in.

tags: f!reader, kissing, angst (minimal comfort), lovers to strangers, neglectance, second chances, fools gold.

wc: 1.8k

notes: inspired by an angsty ask @mirahua sent that's been plaguing my mind for the past week. also, my debut as an angst writer so pls go easy on me ಥ_ಥ and the tags kind of sort of don't make sense, forgive me for that </3

"i'm home," kaiser whispers, opening the door to his apartment only to click it shut a few seconds later, his eyes fighting to keep themselves open.

he leans against the door, taking in the wide space. everything's dark and still, there are no signs of life, as to be expected when one comes home at 4AM.

he sighs, passing by the books and empty mug you must've used earlier in the day. some of his stuff is cluttered around yours, like the small sanrio plushies he bought with you only months ago. they occupy the sofa along with your pillows, and he smiles sadly at the sight. where did the time go?

even with so many trinkets and things littered around, his house feels empty. lonely as if no one's lived in it for weeks and months. his steps falter as he enters the kitchen to find a portion of a home-cooked meal, sitting on his favorite plate. it's cold but it still glows with the warmth and love you prepared it with.

he sighs once more, rubbing his hand across his face. putting the meal into the fridge with shaky hands, kaiser's quick to drop onto one of the chairs.

he stops for a second, looking around his house, the place he's lived in for the past 3 years. something's changed within the space, like there's an object that doesn't belong between the four walls. deep in his heart, kaiser wonders if it's him.

fishing his phone from his pocket, he takes in the messages that start to trickle onto the screen. it's been on airplane mode the whole day, a habit he needs to break, you've once told him.

his thumb lingers above your contact.

scrolling through, his eyes take in every single text you've sent him dating from months back. he sees the way they started; love filled descriptions of your days mixed in with questions about his own. reading the text you've sent today, he feels a pang go through him at the lone message. good night. get home safe. nothing else.

his hand clenches around the table, sadness turning into guilt that spreads like a plague when he realizes he's barely replied back to any.

this has been his life for the last 9 months. he wakes up, leaves for practice, comes back sometime around dawn, only to repeat the next day. his muscles scream at him every second, his shoulders groaning under the weight of exhaustion. it's the price one has to pay for the fame and fortune, kaiser tells himself.

self-assured as he makes himself out to be, kaiser isn't stupid enough to leave things all to fate. he may be a star striker now, one that has everyone vying for his time and attention, but who knows what will come in the next few years.

there will always be new talent, people with incredible skills and the greed to propel them into stardom. into taking his place. he knows because he's seen it before. been it before.

as the clock sounds to signal a new hour, his vision starts to blur. everything is starting to feel foggy, his head pounding and body screaming at him for sleep. he can't quite grasp anything. not when there's a distance separating him and the world around him.

"mihya?" comes your voice, soft and slightly raspy. kaiser snaps back into focus, the ringing in his ears dulling into background noise. "you're home."

"hi, baby." you're swaying on your feet, one of his shirts around your body. he recognizes it to be one of his favorites and he almost chuckles at the sight if not for the lump that's appeared in his throat. "shouldn't you be asleep? did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did.'"

the first thing that comes to mind is how delicate you look. as if one wrong move, one wrong word is going to push you into a shell. he takes in everything about you, starting from the messiness of your hair to the slump of your shoulders.

he hasn't seen you. hasn't had the opportunity to breathe you in like he used to. those night when he traced every single one of your features, giggling loudly with you in the dead of the night seem so far away now.

he misses it, those moments you shared from who-knows how many nights ago.

when you rub the sleep out of your eyes, looking at him with a small smile, his trance breaks. he takes in the distance between you both, like a chasm that's gaping and mocking him because he was the one who let it widen this far.

"you didn't. i just needed to pee," you say, tone just barely above a whisper. there's something floating between you two, the things unsaid. you're afraid they'll come pouring out if you break the silence. "how was practice?"

kaiser realizes, even when you're right in front of him, your presence feels like a ghost. hesitant, locked up into a small ball of a person that's only being held together by hope and love, no matter how small.

"i'm sorry i didn't reply to your text." the words pour out of him like a waterfall, blunt and bruising. i'm sorry i haven't been with you. his eyes trace your form, and he sighs, moving to engulf you into his arms. "practice was.. busy."

please don't leave. please tell me that this is enough. that i'm enough.

"it's okay. i'm used to it." your tongue slips and you sigh as he wraps around you. it feels foreign, his touch. like he's not exactly the same person he used to be, but neither are you. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean it like that."

kaiser can only clench his eyes. he leans his head down to press a kiss to your forehead. "i know, it's okay. and i'm sorry."

i'm sorry i haven't been there for you. i'm sorry i haven't taken you out on another date. i'm sorry that i'm selfish and all i know is to take and take. i'm sorry that it's leaving you hollow and bruised. i'm sorry my love isn't enough.

the thoughts swirl, pinging around like warning signals going off in his head. he opens his mouth, only to close it right after. "let's go to bed."

even when the softness of his duvet embraces him, kaiser can't relax. his body stays stiff, timid as he waits for you to settle beside him. when you do, he's slow to reach out, placing a hand on your hip to test the waters.

he relaxes when you mold into his form, curling around his body as if he's never done any wrong. he presses you hard against his chest, wrapping his arms around your body.

he doesn't get to hold you like this anymore. between practice and exhaustion, whenever his head hits the pillow, he's out like a light. he misses the intimacy, the feeling of having someone beside him.

"do you think about me?" he hums, asking you the question. his hands nestle around your waist and back. he breaths in your scent, his body finally letting the coils of his muscles loose. "because it feels like i think about you every minute."

you respond in kind, caressing the hand that's nestled on your waist. you don't say anything. you don't need to, not when you let him kiss you for the first time in months.

"you know i love you right?" he whispers. there's nothing but him, him, him. you're surrounded by his presence, his touch is everywhere, and there's barely an inch between where you lay. his hair tickles your cheek, the faded blue molding into blonde. "and you know that i would never want to hurt you?"

you should know better. you wish your heart wouldn't give in so easily. you're nothing but an ordinary girl from humble backgrounds while the man wrapped around you is a shooting star that landed on your palm on a rainy summer day.

you should know better because shooting stars fade away.

"do you really?" you whisper, drained and tired out of your mind. "because you've done nothing but hurt me, mihya."

he isn't surprised by your words, but the truth stings all the same. he sighs, pressing his forehead against yours. the weight is back on his shoulders, his head starting to spin as he takes your words in.

"i promise i'll be better," he whispers back, pleading as he looks down into your eyes with tears lined in his. "why don't i take you on a date tomorrow? to that place you've been wanting to go."

"mihya," you trail off, shaking your head. "i-"

"i'll buy you flowers. i'll come home from practice early. we'll drive to the restaurant together." michael kaiser is nothing but greedy. the words that are flowing out are rushed, and his voice cracks under his own emotions. he'll say anything. he'll take and take, if it means he'll get you to stay. "you mean everything to me. i can't lose you."

you don't reply, not for a long time after. looking into his eyes, you process every bit of guilt and hope he has strewn inside. you wonder if they're enough to fix whatever's left.

"okay," you say with a hesitant nod of your head. "one last chance."

kaiser's eyes light up, brightening his whole visage.

"thank you." he kisses you, deep and passionate. there's nothing but you and him in the moment and as you fall asleep, kaiser whispers against your ear, placing gentle kisses on your cheek, wishing they'll be enough to take back every ounce of hurt he's given you. "i love you."

the next morning, kaiser leaves with a light heart and a kiss on his cheek. his steps are confident, his eyes bright. there's nothing in his head except for you and your date. he hums to himself, letting his thoughts roam about your reaction for when he surprises you with flowers when he gets home.

and yet, the universe is a cruel thing and so is his greed. kaiser loses himself in his practice, scoring goal after goal even as his phone rings. he doesn't see your texts of "mihya, don't forget our date tonight! can't wait!" "mihya, what should i wear? should we match?" "mihya it's getting late, where are you?" nor does he see the multiple missed calls you leave.

and when he gets home, soaked in rain with wilted flowers in his hand, kaiser is greeted by the sight of a truly empty house. your warm presence is gone, taking every moment of happiness with you.

he has only himself to blame for every single self-destructive habit that's led to him losing the one he calls home.

[iouinotes]

Heroic Betrayal | Luke Castellan (part 1)

SPOILER FOR THE PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS SERIES AND THE BOOKS

pairing: Luke Castellan x female!reader

show: Percy Jackson and the Olympians

warnings: dark!character, betrayal, implied sexual content, heavy angst, kidnapping

word count: 5,8k

summary: When Luke switches to the dark side, he tries everything possible to win you for him.

a/n: so as the show comes to an end (dont cry dont cry dont cry), I thought I would finally post this :)))

read part 2 here

"I'll find you!" his voice echoes through the forest, my laughter much louder than I intend to. But that´s just how it always goes. It's our own little tradition.

Every year when the camp starts again and we meet after the holidays passed, we play hide and seek in the dangerous forest of the half-blood camp. The creatures usually don't come across our path, in recent years it has rarely happened, that we actually had to defend ourselves against them.

Once it was an angry dryad, who threw branches at me (she had a crush on Luke and wanted revenge, but since I could understand her feelings and felt sad for her, we sorted it out).

Another time we were spotted by some camp members, who made fun of us, but Luke must have said something to them later, because we haven't been bothered by these troublemakers since.

It is always the same pattern, but each time there is still something special about it. We have grown, became more mature (I think), and have more and more experience about the struggles in life.

So being able to just let go for a few moments and being completely alone with him is probably the best thing to keep myself sane (even if he drives me a little bit crazy with the love I hold for him).

But a lot has changed recently.

It all started when rumors spread, that Zeus' lightning bolt had been stolen by Poseidon's son. And then the most supportive, bravest, sassy kid in the world showed up here. Percy Jackson. Ever since I met him, even though it's not his fault, there's been war going on. The gods are angry, the monster attacks became worse and again, rumors about the oldest, most powerful titan Kronos reached the camp.

It scared and frightened many people, including me. That's why we've been training harder and stay awake, even when the stars are shining, so that we can prepare for any catastrophe. To be able to fight.

My mother is the goddess Demeter, my father a simple man. I adore them both, even though my mother isn't one of my closest contacts. But I never really held that against her, because at least she decided to acknowledge me as her daughter. After all, it's a privilege that not everyone gets. My siblings and friends at camp are important to me, but the world is changing and so is everything around it.

The only stability I have left is my boyfriend Luke.

If I had to rely on one person in the whole world (and by that I also mean the underworld), it would be him.

He's been my best friend since I arrived at this camp. We've been together through ups and downs, I know every side of him and he knows everything about me too. Many of the people here are like blank pages to me, but not him. He is like my favorite book, that lays open to me and allows me to read each letter individually. Just as I know every of his dreams, every secret, every truth and every lie. He is my protector, my hero in every dark night and every bright day. Without him, I don't even know who I am. He is a part of me and my heart wouldn't be whole without him.

I watched him grow up. From the small, thin boy whose eyes hid so much pain and sadness to the strong, soulful leader he is today.

His beauty cannot be influenced by anything, he is like my very own sun, without him I could not survive.

I wouldn't want it any other way though.

Now, I'm hiding behind a tree with my back pressed against the bark and I am able to hear the cracking and swinging of the branches.

I smile so wide, that my cheeks start to hurt, when I hear his voice calling. My heart is beating in my throat, but it's not just the adrenaline of not getting caught. It's because of my love for him, which is so strong that sometimes I'm afraid of it. But only in the moments when I realize that nothing, but him is my biggest flaw. I think I would do anything for him.

Then I concentrate again and listen to the sounds around me. But his voice has fallen silent and I don't hear his footsteps anymore.

My eyebrows furrow, confused I try to look around the tree and search for an orange t-shirt. Likely together with his slim body, biceps, beautiful face and wonderful personality.

But when I want to withdraw again, it's already too late. A branch breaks behind me and before I can move I'm pushed against the tree from behind.

I immediately feel his body against mine, hear the laughter in his voice and listen to his strained breathing. His hands wrap around my body and turn me towards him, so that we are now face to face.

He's taller than me and as I look up, I feel the familiar fluttering feeling in my chest. I am so in love with him.

He grins triumphantly at me and I lean against the tree, smiling kindly.

"Found you, princess." The light reflects in his brown eyes and some of his curls are laying wildly on his head. He looks like an angel.

"I made it easy for you." My voice teases him and when he leans in so close to me, that our lips almost touch, I forget how to think properly. A habit I can't change. He's just so captivating.

"Yeah? You think I wouldn't have found you otherwise? Funny. I remember that in the last few years, I always was the winner of our little game." His lips brush mine, I want nothing more than to kiss him. But he knows that, which is why he slowly pulls back, when I start to lean forward.

When I want to complain, he puts his hand around my waist and pulls me into his chest. My knees almost give out, I feel so intoxicated by his presence.

"I-I wanted you to find me." My voice whispers quietly.

His eyebrows rise in mock surprise.

"Then I guess, I can claim my prize without feeling bad." In the next second, his lips are on mine and I'm unable to do anything, other than kissing him back. I wrap my arms around his neck and enjoy the warmth that radiates from him. He sets my heart on fire.

While pushing me against the tree, I've completely forgotten about, he lets his hands wrap possessively around my waist. Digging his nails into my hips, to keep me grounded. Otherwise, I would probably get lost in those sensations.

Luke kisses in a way, like it's the last time he'll have the chance. (As if I would ever want to keep him from doing that).

He's passionate, my body feels like it's on fire and the heat inside me feels so good, that I want more. I can never get enough of him and he knows it. He grins against my lips, but he doesn't break the kiss. I think he secretely loves knowing how much he can mess with me, with just a few kisses.

My hands find his hair and pull him closer to me, our chests touch and his breathing mingles with mine.

It is wonderful and so precious, I would refuse any gift from the gods just to be close to him.

When he pulls away from me, our bodies are still close. My eyes open and look dreamily into his, our gazes reflect a familiarity and love that is like nothing I have ever experienced.

He smiles at me, pushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear and leans himself against me. His fingers stroke the exposed skin of my pulled-up shirt.

"I've missed you." If my heart hasn't melted before, it has now. I give him a kiss on the cheek and hug him, we stand in our embrace for a moment. Enjoying each other's closeness, the calm feeling until the next chaotic situation happens.

"Now we are together again. Only that matters." It's quiet around us and when I close my eyes for the second time, I hear his fast heartbeat. I have to supress a smile.

The wind is the only thing I hear until his voice breaks the silence.

"Something will happen soon. Something big." The peaceful atmosphere is threatened by his words and when I look at his face again, I see his worried eyes.

I sigh, but then nod to agree with him. "I thought about that too, it feels different. Like something is coming our way, that we can't control."

His fingers stroke my cheek and for a moment, his face holds an expression, that I can't understand. It resembles regret.

But before I can ask him about it, he smiles tenderly at me again.

"Nothing will separate us. The world is just a game. It's a matter of time and making the right moves." That is his motto. But I'm not always convinced of this. Even though I trust him to do the right thing.

"I'm just worried we'll get seperated, you know? Evil can be sneaky and traitors always exist. You never know who you can trust." Something I said must have really bothered him, because he looks like I just stabbed him.

This time I ask him about it.

"What's on your mind? You can tell me. Two people who worry about something are better, than one who is alone with it." I take his hand and stroke his skin, it feels cold even though we have summer.

"Nothing, just- I don't want to lose you. I couldn't be here without you. I need you. I mean...I-I love you. You know that I would do anything to keep us together, right?"

His words surprise me. I know he loves me. I can sense that, everyone probably does. But he has never worn his heart on his sleeve and the three magical words only come out of his mouth on special occasions. The fact that he's telling me now surprises me.

"Of course. I trust you. We will survive together, I know that. Are you worried because of the rumors about the Titan King?" This topic is always very critical and he usually doesn't like to talk about it, but this time I decide to address it directly.

"He will come. I just want you to be safe, when it happens." He sounds so confident it gives me goosebumps.

"Perhaps. His followers will definitely try. But love is stronger than anything else. Especially our love. We will get through it." He doesn't look convinced, so I turn his face towards mine and kiss him.

My voice sounds soft, when I speak again.

"Luke, I love you. I could never leave you. Not even the King of the Underworld will be able to keep us apart. I promised to be by your side in every moment of our lives. You are my soul and without it I am damned."

This seems to reassure him, but I feel like he's not telling me something of great importance. But I don't want to push him, I know he will tell me when the time comes.

He always does.

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

As the day comes to an end, I say goodnight to my siblings and report for my night watch duty. The situation has been a lot more worse the recent weeks. Kronos exists, my worst fear was confirmed. And he is building an army, that is so strong that it will be difficult to fight against it. But what I'm really worried about are the rumors about our people, who have also joined his cause.

Nobody knows who, the spies have been hiding ever since. I've never felt like I was paying more attention to my words than I am now. The only person I don't have to hold back to is Luke.

But even with him I notice the effects of the bad news. The circles under his eyes are darker than ever and his nerves are so frayed, that every little thing makes him want to explode. His temper is hanging by a thread, that is increasingly threatening to break. And I'm trying everything to prevent this.

No matter if I try it by making him laugh (which has become difficult), massaging his tense shoulders, trying to kiss him to the point of forgetfulness (usually it's the other way around) or when he takes out his frustration by burying himself deep inside me. With every thrust of his hips, I feel him relax, his hand so tight around my body as if I would run away, if he didn't hold me close enough.

He's changing and I'm trying my best to maintain his good sides. That he doesn't completely lose himself in his responsibilities and the pressure, that he has, because he is a member of the camp council.

Besides, I can't complain, when he fucks me until I can't breathe aynmore and I block out everything around me. When he comes, he whispers the sweetest things in my ear. Even if sometimes they sound so protective, that I could almost come from his voice alone.

When he whispers to me how good I am for him or how much he loves being able to have such a power over me like that - maybe it should scare me, but I trust him like no one else.

My mind concentrated his best for my shift, but when I finally go to bed after quiet some time, my eyes quickly close.

Looking back, I wish I had never let myself sleep that night.

Because, when I close my eyes I see waves. Hear the seagulls screaming in the sky, the fish swimming in the water and the distant cries of strangers.

It's all unusual and the bright light would blind me, if I didn't avert my gaze. And as soon as I do it, I see a ship. It's huge, rust shimmers in the sunrays, the anchor shows that it's been in the same place for a while now.

I feel something pulling me towards it, pushing and burning in my chest, leaving me with a tremor that I can feel, even in my deep sleep.

As I flit through the window like a ghost, I feel paralyzed. My blood freezes, I want to disappear immediately and in my mind I scream at myself to wake up.

But it's no use, whatever is here, someone decided that I have to see it. Only then, my wish will be fulfilled and I can wake up. So, I hide in a corner, there are scratched picture frames above me and broken glass is scattered on the floor. The monsters that loudly crush the glass ahead of me seem unstoppable.

I tremble as I look at at least seven dracaenae, several shaggy hellhounds and set my eyes on gigantes, that take up almost the entire room.

But that is nothing compared to the terror, that grips me when I see my classmates. My friends. People I trusted, who I fought alongside, for who I cared about. People I would have sacrificed myself for. They all betrayed me. And I feel close to tears. When I want to turn away, I hear a voice that almost brings me to my knees.

It's Luke.

My faithful and caring protector, my heroic love. Someone, to which I had dedicated everything. He was my life, with every single breath I took. The motivation behind my every action. The reason I wanted to survive in this cruel world. He was everything I had and everything I will ever have and in that moment it was abruptly taken from me.

I didn't have the strength to concentrate, it was as if every fiber of my body was on fire, triggered by the torment of my suffering heart. Seeing him like that, in black armor, Kronos' silver mark glittering around his neck, instead of his colorful necklace. A stoic, hostile expression on his face, his hands gripping his sword, it all hurt too much to watch.

And as I sank to the floor and covered my eyes with my hands, I was still forced to listen. I couldn't understand why he was saying such things.

"With every day he becomes stronger, with every participation in our army, we become stronger. Everything is planned, the camp is weak. Just like all of its residents. The surprise is on our side, because we will show no mercy. We will kill anyone, who does not confess to us. Do you hear me? No hostages will be taken. Only Hades population will be expanded."

The screams around me are so loud, so angry and horrific that I feel tears running down my cheeks.

I don't want to see any of that. The person infront of me is not my Luke.

A kind of fog creeps around me and I feel cold, it seems too late to forget it now. When I notice the golden coffin and Lukes hunched posture, the scar on the side of his face, I realize he is praying to him.

To the fall of Olympus. Kronos.

I want to cry, to scream, to be angry - but I just feel like every part of my heart is breaking and will never be whole again. Luke will never again be the one to heal it.

My consciousness leaves the ship until I finally wake up, but I can't move at first. I feel lost, my muscles are stiff and after a few seconds I notice that I'm shaking. But it's not because I'm cold, the summer air is wafting in the air.

Such dreams are rare, but are like the own scary predictions of the future.

And then it comes all back so me, the memories, that have just turned my whole life upside down. Traitor. The word appears in my mind, I feel like I almost can't breathe. And then there is a finger on my cheek, gently stroking the skin and my chest immediately becomes warm.

I know this gesture.

When I open my eyes, I see his loving eyes and the smile that covers his mouth makes my heart clench in sorrow.

It was just a nightmare. Luke would never betray me.

But the whispers in my head say otherwise.

As we continue to look at each other in silent, I notice his furrowed eyebrows.

"What's wrong, my love? Did you have a nightmare? You look scared. Don't be afraid, I'm here. I will always protect you." His voice is so calm, so usual loving and it makes the butterflies in my stomach fly around like crazy.

He is so beautiful.

As he briefly turns his head to tighten the blanket around me, I see his side profile and the scar. Reminders of my dream crash onto me like a lightning strike from Zeus himself.

I sat up abruptly. Luke is a servant of our enemy. How could I ignore that? I feel like I'm almost starting to hyperventilate. The thought, this nightmare, Luke's appearance, this evil feeling - it makes me sick. And I'm suddenly so afraid, more than I have ever been in my life. But I can't tell if it's the fact that I just found out he joined Cronos' army or that he broke my heart doing so.

I see him tense, my panic seems to be affecting him too.

My thoughts are so confusing, I don't know what to do, I have to tell someone. I have to-

His hands find their way to my cheeks, cupping them gently to direct his gaze towards himself. I would have preferred not to look at him, but I have no choice. His eyes search mine.

Then, as if the weight of Atlas punishment was put on his shoulders, he lowers them. His lips tremble slightly and his eyes look at me, as if I am the most valuable thing in the world and he is about to lose it.

"You know it." He doesn't have to say what he means by that. We both know.

I want to break away from him, but he won't let me. He's always been much stronger.

But everything still feels so different, light surrounds us and I can't really feel my body.

"Listen to me, please. I can explain it. Please-" The world goes silent, before he can finish his sentence.

It is too much.

I stifle a scream. I want to jump out of bed, but his hands hold me close. I only manage to fall to the ground, breathing heavily, but his arms are much stronger and I'm still weakened by my dream. He trys to hold me in a position, so that his back hugs me. His hands grab mine and one of them covers my mouth to silence me, when I want to scream for help.

With any other person, I would have known what to do. With anyone but him, I could have defended myself without any problems. But it wasn't just anyone and what he had done to me, the betrayal he had committed, was nothing I could handle.

I tried to wriggle out of his grip, to kick him, but the more I cried and the more hysterical I became, the easier it was for him to have control over me.

And for the first time, it scared me.

"Please calm down, I have to explain it to you- you have to know, that I never wanted to deceive you, please-" I notice how his voice is failing and he has to pull himself together, to not to lose his composure.

When I shake his hand away and want to yell again, he grabs my neck with such a warning force, that no sound escapes me.

I tremble in his hold. Tears stream down my cheeks and I literally feel my heart breaking.

Then he starts whispering in my ear and his grip feels like a tragic prison.

"Nobody can know. I never wanted you to find out. Not until I convinced you, that it is the right thing to join him. Because he will win, sweetheart. I want us to win by his side." His voice sounds so confident and at the same time, as if he was a completely different person.

Tears continue running down my face and he slightly let's go of me, so he can comfort me.

"If you would just listen to me, you will understand my actions. Please, just listen to me-" but the world blurs infront of my eyes and I am only able to whisper three words, before darkness surrounds me.

"You betrayed me."

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

When I wake up, my head hurts so much, that it takes me several minutes to open my eyes. When I finally do it, I almost have a heart attack.

I recognize the similarity of this room from my dream. When I stand up, I run to the round window and look out, being only able to see the blue sea. Feeling empty and alone.

When I want to step out the door, I expect it to be locked. But instead the handle turns and I step out of the room. I'm so surprised about that, that I'm acting without thinking twice.

As I walk around the next corner, the deck creaks and I see an ugly creature in front of me, that makes every instinct to escape kick in.

I run in the other direction, but every turn makes me more desperate and, without any consideration, I run into the hall, I was so afraid of.

It is filled with all kinds of ciders, and I also see the figures of my classmates, wounded and unhappy.

It's all so overwhelming, that I dont even see him standing on the podium, in the first place.

But as the monsters try to grab me, his voice echoes through the room with an affable authority.

"Nobody touches her. You hear me? Nobody. She is under my protection." I almost freeze into a stature, as he comes towards me and I have no way of avoiding him. No weapon is within my reach, his eyes notice my growing panic.

"Everyone leaves the room. Now." Nobody discusses it, even if some roll their eyes or quietly protest. His authority is unquestioned, it sends a cold shiver down my spine.

When the last doors slam shut, we stand a few meters opposite each other.

"The doors are guarded." It's the first thing he says.

When he tries to approach me, I lose my nerves and run to the corner with the broken glass, that I saw in my dream. I take them in my hands.

I see his eyes widen and he stops in his tracks.

"You- you want to fight me?" He actually sounds surprised and sad. Like I was the one who betrayed him and not the other way around.

"Don't come any closer. I may not have been able to do anything last time, but if you take one step closer then-" I don't know what to say. In no scenario did I ever think, I would have to threaten him.

But despite my warning, he comes towards me with his hands raised, the panic within me so palpable, that I can feel every muscle in my body.

I dodge, when he is only a few meters in front of me. Right into the next corner. As far away from him as possible.

"Princess, you can't keep me away forever. I've always loved that about you. You need me as much as you need to breathe."

It's supposed to sound sweet, but his words make me feel sick

"I'd rather suffocate." He didn't expect that. My words hit him so unexpectedly that he is almost speechless. Almost.

"I won't hurt you. You just have to let me get to you and I'll show you everything. You will understand, believe me." He really thinks, I'll just stay by his side and let him explain.

"Are you crazy? You're a traitor, Luke. You- you betrayed everyone. You betrayed me. How could you do this?" I suppress my tears, because that's exactly what he's waiting for. That my defense becomes weaker. I can't allow this.

"You dont understand. I always told you I would protect you. And I can only do that, if I'm on the winning side. And I am now. We are." His eyes flash with a craziness that makes me tremble. I don't recognize him.

"Why are you acting this way? You are doing the wrong thing - you give up everything. You're giving up on us." Tears leave my eyes and I see him take a few steps in my direction.

"I'm doing the right thing for us. You'll see. You just have to trust me, please. You know I always win. With the power he gives me, I will be invincible. You don't have to worry about one of us dying in this war anymore." I can't move, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have a way out now. He's too close.

"You are wrong. I would rather die in this war than join this monster and his deceitful army." The shards in my hand hurt, but I don't let them go. They're the only thing I can use to defend myself.

"You would leave me?" His eyes are staring into my soul.

"Would you fight me?" Every word is more intimidating.

"Would you stop loving me?" His words are like his own shards, leaving deep wounds in my heart.

He's standing right in front of me now, looking at me like I'm fragile.

Then he whispers "Would you kill me?"

In the next second, he suddenly has my hands in his, making me drop the glass. Be is only a few centimeters away from me now, his eyes are looking into my own.

"Would you, princess? Then show me." Suddenly he does something, I would have never expected. He takes out his sword and puts it in my hands.

His own hands go behind his back, his eyes tempting me. I feel all the blood in my body drain.

"Do it. I can't live in a world, where you don't love me anymore. In which you are no longer by my side. I am yours. That will never change, just like my love for you."

I can barely hold the sword, it's so wobbly in my hands. He stands in front of me and gives me every chance to defeat him. But I can't move.

It's quiet for a moment, then I see new hope in his eyes and when he speaks again, the tone of his voice melts my heart.

"What did you say a few months ago, you would always let me win? Let's win together this time. Please, just listen to me." His hand strokes my cheek. Wipes away the tears.

Then he drops his hand and grasps his sword, letting it fall to the ground.

He takes my hand instead.

"Follow me." He pulls me behind him, closer and closer to the golden coffin, it's like I'm in a trance, but when I finally feel the cold aura of something cruel, I'm able to think clearly again.

"No-" I don't want to be one step closer to this thing.

He turns around so quickly, that I can only slap his cheek, before he grabs me again.

"That was for kidnapping me. Let me go now!" I want to avoid his grasp. But again he does something I don't expect.

He holds me still, catches my gaze and then, kisses me so gently that the feeling alone makes me almost completely defenseless. His hands cup my cheeks, grip my hair, hold my body.

This is probably his worst trick. I've never been able to resist one of his kisses. And he knows that. He uses it against me.

Then he murmurs words against my lips, that barely reach my ears.

My heart is pounding in my throat.

"You feel this? We belong together. It is not written anywhere on which side we need to be. As long as we are together." His fingers stroke my lower lip, his figure towers over me and for a moment my surroundings fade. It's almost like always.

But he's not wearing his orange t-shirt, his expression isn't relaxed, and I don't hear any insults from the camp members in the distance.

"You're manipulating me." I am powerless against him. I thought we were on the same team, that no one had more power over the other one. But I was so wrong.

His eyebrows furrow again, and when his hands try to pull me against him, I hit his chest, without thinking, with the only piece of glass I hid in my pocket. But unlike I expected, nothing happens. The shard bounces off his skin and falls loudly to the ground. I can only stare at him in disbelief.

"How-" He just looks at me worried, no anger is visible in his eyes.

"You can't hurt me. I have the curse of Achilles upon me." I suddenly become aware of the effect the lake Styx in the underworld hast and I almost fall to the ground at the realization, my knees weaken.

"That was a test earlier. You wanted to see if I would kill you-" my voice fails.

He just looks at me sadly and smiles in regret. My heart becomes heavy.

"And I knew you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. You would never hurt someone you love. Not if you'd kill me in the process." What can I do? He knows me better than anyone, he can see right through my every thought.

"I can't do this, Luke. I-I can't be together with you, if you are like this." I'm serious, but he doesn't believe me.

"That's what you think, but it's a lie. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the more pain you avoid. Our souls are linked together, without me you are not able to live. I know, that you will continue to love me, no matter what I decide to do. That's how much you love me. You would rather die than not loving me."

I can't listen to him. I can't.

But his eyes are like all the promises in the world. He is my world. How could I ever forget that?

"Please come back with me, Luke. I-I won't tell anyone, but please. Let's go, let's forget everything, please-" I cant deal with this anymore. It's like he's draining all the energy out of me. More with every word, that leaves his lips.

"I can not do that. It will stay the way it is now. Don't fight against me, fight with me. You are so smart and loyal, you will be convinced. He will show you." His eyes now flash with something that frightens me. I see his hunger for power, something that has always been dormant within him.

"Luke, the only thing I ever really wanted was you. No power, no war, no prosperity. Only you. But I'm about to lose you. Don´t do this to me, I beg you." My hands find his face, stroke the skin and I look into his eyes. But they are no longer the same ones I fell in love with.

I never thought he would love having power more than he loves me. It breaks my heart.

"I have decided. Nothing will change about that. Not even your pleadings. I'm sorry." His eyes reflect my desperation.

"What's holding you back? All you need is me." He says it so confident, that I almost wonder, why I don´t agree with him.

But my conscience has always been my greatest strength.

"I won't betray them. I couldn't live with myself, if I did." He takes a step back.

"But you could live without me? You would rather be by Jackson's side than mine?" His words hurt me. But he speaks the truth.

"I love you Luke, more than I ever thought was possible. But just as you put power before me, I put loyalty first. And I'm not sorry about that."

Frustration finally seeps through his perfect facade. I wonder how long he's been playing with me. The thought of it makes everything inside me tighten.

"I am not letting you go. Our fate is set. You will recognize it too and when that happens, you will be on my side."

His conviction frightens me, but this time it doesn't freeze me into a statue. Now, I'm running away.

And luckely, he didn't expect that.

For a few minutes now I've noticed one of the windows, that doesn't look very stable. I just have to jump against it to open it.

"NO!" Luke's voice echoes across the room, loud and warning, but it doesn't stop me. Before he can catch up with me, I jump towards the window, my shoulder hurts, but I was right, it breaks.

But I didn't think about the height difference and I realize it might be too late to do something about it now.

As I try to hold on to the wall outside, two thoughts repeat in my mind.

Either I die or I'm trapped.

Then I hear Luke's voice. He sounds desperate and at the same time angry, like I have never heard him before.

The wall is slippery and it takes every bit of strength in me not to fall, I know it would be my death. I hold on to the broken wall.

"She is outside. Get her back, NOW!" My muscles hurt and I don't know what to do. Then I hear the loud beating of wings. Before I can see who it is, I hear Percy's quiet voice. I feel like crying.

"Drop down, I've got you." I have to trust him. So, I let myself fall without thinking.

Then I feel myself landing on something soft, I hold on to it and my knuckles turn white.

The screams and shouts of the monsters make me tremble, I just want to get out of here. Even if it means, that I perhaps will never see Luke again.

"Come on, now. They'll be here soon." As the wings of the Pegasus move towards the sky, towards freedom, I let the tears fall. The wind is beating around my ears and I can only see in the corner of my eyes that we are getting closer to the clouds.

Luke's threatening voice is the last thing I remember as I close my eyes from the grief of leaving him.

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

Hot take. Everyone needs to stop pointing at one character in Jade Winglet and be like “AH! They're THE asshole of the group! That one! That one specifically!” Because everyone is an asshole.

Moonwatcher won't shut the fuck up which causes people to feel bad (Reference; Winter Turning, Pg. 75) because, hypocritically, she only has a censor if it “benefits” (hard quotation because it has always failed her. Reference; Luna and Moonwatchers interaction) her.

Qibli is an ass, like, a HUGE ass. He pressures Turtle and berates the very thing he's self-conscious about. He's got massive main-character syndrome; he wants power, he always wanted power, but he wants COMPLETE control of power without any repercussions. One of the reasons he refused Darkstalker's offer was because he wasn't entirely sure he would slip something in there.

Winter is an ass, he literally attacks other dragons without thinking about it (Reference; Peril), he's quick to strike and like Qibli, berates Turtle for being “a waste of potential” to his tribe.

Kinkajou goes off on everyone's backs and uses the remnants of the magic scroll to control and transform Darkstalkers against his consent or will. She has essentially killed him via poison. The whole book and DS character arc was trying to push through a narrative that you shouldn't control people, that you shouldn't take away their free will, and that you shouldn't transform their being into a form for your desire and comfort. Yet it's completely flipped on its head because Kinkajou wanted to be “a little silly” with her solution in ending the IceWing and NightWing conflict. She does exactly just this and that makes her part of the asshole list.

Turtle is inactive, his inaction causes a lot of problems for the others in a negative way in order to preserve his own self. He uses animus magic on Anemone just to make sure that he doesn't get any attention but this backfires and his sister is left not only being used as a WMD by Queen Coral, additionally, she is also left feeling alone in her magic. Turtle just sat on the sidelines as he actively watched Anemone get used like a tool by her mother and groomed by a disgusting snotball of a power-hungry political obsessed eel bbq dragon. His “neutrality” was incredibly toxic towards the upbringing of his sister. Yet, despite being the one guy everyone likes to pounce on and beat down he's probably the LEAST asshole character out of everyone in Jade Winglet. You can point at Turtle's issue of “not doing anything” and dig deeper to realize he's a child for one (an even younger child when he enchanted Anemone) and for two it's an unhealthy trauma response from his family. He has helped and supported every single Jade Winglet member in their “fall/on their knees” development and all he ever got in return was those to treat him like garbage (with Peril being the only one who wanted to help him and realizing how shitty animus magic is for him and attempted to make a situation better by ripping up the scroll with good intentions in mind).

Peril is probably the most self-explanatory but she tries. I can't really say anything else about the flaming toaster oven w/ the pizza box inside it dragon that not everyone else has said negatively about Peril before. She's uncontrollable and she constantly talks about hurting others, yak yak yak… Brownie points is that she's attempting to become a better person and trying to find her own path in life.

Now that everyone has run away typing furiously in the comments reblogging tags about this and that I want to emphasize that everything I said above is about CANON CONTENT. You can LOVE YOUR ASSHOLES!!! I personally LOVE MY ASSHOLES!!! There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that the protagonists that you read aren't the greatest people in the whole wide world. I know I wouldn't want to be in the same room as Peril if she was an actual person; with that said that doesn't mean she ISN’T my favorite dragon in the whole gosh darn freaking series. Winter is a bastard, I love Winter. Qibli is a bastard, I love Qibli. Moonwatcher… Actually, no. Moonwatcher can not. (this last one is a joke and a personal opinion, if I was to look at her into it retrospectively and have a positive thing to say I would say she's very neurodivergent relatable, and her power is very autism-coded.).

Jade Winglet is full of bastards.

I love my Jade Winglet bastards.

Stop being in denial and using “well I don't like [Insert Jade Winglet Member] because of what they did with [Insert Plot Point Here]” and accept that your favorite is a bastard. Tired of hearing about this rank system on who's more fucked up than the other and debating if they deserve love and respect for that. Ofc they do. They're your favs, y'all don't need to push or morally justify trying to like your favs by putting another Jade Winglet member down. You aren't impressing anyone or going “GOTCHA!” for this thought process.

Now stop fighting you cursed dragon hyperfixated disaster fandom. (/j)

Drops Mic

.

[monstersandbrothers]

begging all my samdean girlies on hands and knees to read “I Loved You In Another Life” by David Arnold. this book has THE MOST weecest coded brothers I’ve ever encountered in literature. i am physically running a fever over this. Some quotes for your perusal:

“To look at Will is to experience firsthand that people are generally good, that life is a beautiful gift. Right away, you know he’s a sweet kid, a soft, too-good-for-this-world kid, and I’m not just saying this because he’s my favorite human on earth (he is), but there’s a light in his face, a look that somehow feels happy and sad all at once, heavy and featherweight, like a candle burning from the bottom of a well, and he may leave a mess wherever he goes, and occasionally forget to stop talking, but I love him more than anything loves anything else.”

“I’m not afraid of big love. And maybe it’s weird for a seventeen-year-old to think this way, but sometimes I worry what kind of dad I’ll be. I worry because a dad should love his kid more than anyone else on the planet, and as far as I’m concerned, that position is filled. I worry because, when I hug Will, I feel the fragility of his life, and I imagine him as a tiny-boned bird in the middle of a raging storm, and I wish I could save him by clapping my hands and saying I believe, but I can’t. I wish I could tell him his ouch-shields will protect him, but I can’t do that either.”

“Sometimes I hate Maya, to be totally honest. Sometimes she says something so true, it scalds the skin around my ears. Mostly this happens when we talk about Will, and how I want to take care of him, protect him from the world, and she reminds me I’m not his dad, and I’ll have a sudden inclination to set her office on fire.”

“Their hearts light up. Bright red. It’s part of how they communicate, E.T. and the other aliens. First time we watched it, Will said it reminded him of us. We were on the floor, backs against the couch, an open box of pizza on the coffee table. When the little alien hearts lit up, Will didn’t miss a beat. ‘It’s like us,’ he said. ‘My heart glows to you. And yours glows to me.’ ”

“And now he’s in front of me, those little arms wide open, head tilted off to the side, and it occurs to me that for the rest of my life—from now until the day I die—every embrace will be measured against this. “My heart glows to you,” he says in my ear. “I’ll be right here,” I say. And I consider the physics of love, wonder how it’s possible to fit the whole world in a hug.”

“I think you should let your brother’s love make you better, not lesser.”

“I often wonder if I’m the emotionally erratic mess of a person I think I am, or if my brother’s love induces emotional erraticism.”

“I keep rubbing his forehead, just this small sign of stability: I am here. This won’t change.”

“‘Do you like it?’ ‘It’s the best thing I’ve ever seen, William.’ He climbs up on his knees, leans his mouth to my ear, and whispers, ‘You can call me Will. But just you.’”

“At his door, I whisper the only thing that really matters, the thing that makes us us: ‘I’ll be right here, Will.’”

begging you . BEFGING. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[garbinge]

Shoulder to cry on

Richie Jerimovich x Reader

Day 23 from these April Prompts: “Somethings aren’t replaceable”

Summary: Mikey’s funeral brings an unexpected person into your life more.  Continuation of these fics: Pillow Forts and Soft Spot. 

Word Count: 8.7k (i got carried away, okaaaaaay)

A/N: okay, this is probably one of my FAVORITE fics, this universe as a whole is my favorite but this specific fic just... has a special place in my heart.  Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of content. Heavy angst, shit talking, cursing (lots), mentions of death, drugs, drinking, abuse, alludes to sexual situations.  The Bear Taglist: @drabbles-mc​ @justreblogginfics 

Previous Fic: Soft Spot

Everything was moving so slow. The people, the time, the words coming out of people’s mouths. A lot of sorrys, a lot of introductions, a lot of really old people with that old people scent to them. You felt alone. In a room full of people you considered family, you felt alone. Carmy was nowhere to be found. You booked the flight for him, a cheap spirit flight, you could care less about the money wasted, you just needed to know he was alive. Not okay. Because who the fuck was going to be okay. Just alive. 

You shook the 18th person’s hand, you kept count because it was the only thing keeping you awake and grounded within the moment. There was an empty seat next to Pete in the front row, but something felt off about sitting there. Sure, the Berzatto’s were family to you since you were 7, you spent more time there than your own house, the siblings were your best friends, your bullies, and your protectors. All signs pointed to your right to sit in that receiving line reserved for immediate family, but when it came down to it you weren’t a Bear. Mikey Bear. Sugar Bear. Carmy Bear. You never got that nickname, because you weren’t a Berzatto. It never mattered to you, it never even crossed your mind, that was until this moment. You felt someone’s hand on your back, shaking you lightly out of your thoughts. 

The blond that the world knew as Natalie, but you knew as Sugar, was offering you a soft smile and bending down to be eye level with you as you sat at the end of the aisle in the back. 

“Hey.” Your body turned to look at her, grabbing the hand that was on your shoulder into your own. Your voice was soft, like her smile. 

“You know you can sit in the front row, there’s a seat next to Pete but I’ll kick him down one and you can sit right next to me.” Her hand squeezed yours. You appreciated the offer, but you weren’t sure if you could handle the extended family asking who you were. By the looks of it, that's all that was left. You had said hello to Uncle Jimmy, cousin Nicky, and Carol, and just about everyone who knew you or at least your face. The rest of everyone who showed up were people who only knew the siblings from the one baby picture they had seen from 25 years ago and you weren’t about to deal with that. 

“Thanks, that means more than you know.” You rested your forehead against hers and you both closed your eyes. There was a part of you that wished you could stay in this moment forever, not think about Carmy, not think about Mikey, just be with the one sibling who showed up. 

You pulled your head away when there was some commotion by the front door, some woman had burst into tears and made a scene. Sugar made a face that she quickly disguised immediately, but you had caught it. Probably someone just looking for attention, funerals tended to bring them out. 

“I hate that bitch.” Sugar seethed. “I don’t even know that bitch.” She shook her head like she was shaking the thought to fall out of her mind. 

You let out a little laugh at her statement, unable to hold it in and directly brought your hand to your mouth to cover it. Sugar looked at you shocked, her eyes wide and a small smile creeping onto her face as she let out a snort and followed suit by bringing her hand to her mouth. 

“Fuck that bitch.” You whispered in between chuckles. That statement made her lose it but she was able to hold it in well, only a few people were looking at you two laughing in the middle of Mikey Berzatto’s funeral. He would have loved it. 

The two of you took a deep breath, letting the moment naturally pass. You grabbed her hands again and squeezed. “I think I’m going to stay back here.” 

There was no more explanation needed, she understood and wasn’t going to push or argue with you. Hell, you weren’t going up against the craziest competition, but you had shown up and apparently that was all it took to be on Sugar’s good side. 

“Sug.” Richie’s voice alerted the both of you. She stood up and you thought this was going to go one of two ways. She was either going to slug him or ignore him. To your surprise, she did neither. In a turn of events that left you shocked, you couldn’t pry your eyes away from her embrace with Richie. I guess you were right when you thought that showing up really was the only criteria needed to be on Sugar’s good side right now. 

Before you knew it, the hug was over and Sugar was back in the front of the funeral home. Richie was standing completely still, his eyes were looking at the casket, getting lost in what you were sure were memories and regret. You saw something shift in him as he looked at the casket which is when you extended your hand out to place it on his arm. 

“Rich.” You whispered hoping it would get his attention. He didn’t look at you until your hand touched his arm, and that was out of instinct. “He’s not in there.” Your voice was softer than before. It was a secret that only you and maybe 3 others were in on. He had gotten cremated, but Sugar knew the family was going to have a lot to say, so they rented the casket for the viewing. It was twisted, but it was the Berzatto way. 

“What?” Richie questioned in the same tone as you. 

You moved over a seat and patted where you just were for Richie to sit. Without hesitation he sat down which is when you leaned your right shoulder against him and whispered again. 

“Natalie got him cremated, he’s not in the casket.” For some reason, you knew it’d give him some type of relief, some type of breathing room. Once you said it, he let out a sigh, and you could tell he loosened up a bit. 

“I just felt like–” He started to try and explain himself but couldn’t get the sentence out. He stuttered a couple more times when you brought your hand to rest on his leg that was shaking. Richie stopped moving the second your hand landed on his leg. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Richie. Not to me at least.” You shrugged and stared straight ahead, your hand still on his knee. “And you don’t need to stop shaking your leg either. This is all fucked up. You can be fucked up.” 

You removed your hand from his leg, he frowned at the loss of heat and also as he tried to take in every word that you said.

The two of you sat there, next to each other, backs straight, hands picking at skin or nails. 45 minutes must have passed, no one else came up to either of you. Richie didn’t move, he didn’t make an attempt to go up and kneel at the casket, look at the pictures, or try and talk to anyone else. As the time passed, you thought the place would empty out, but it just got busier. I guess what Carmy had said to you was right. Everyone felt like Mikey was their best friend. While it made Carmy jealous, it made you happy. To know Mikey the way you did felt like an honor, it was also nice knowing he knew you too. 

“You want a cigarette?” 

Staring at Richie, you nodded your head and stood up without hesitation, he was up and out of the funeral home within seconds, you were actually trying to figure out if you ever saw Richie move so quickly before. Maybe once before, when he was scaring off your ex at the restaurant with a fuckin 22. 

The two of you moved to the side of the building that had the wheelchair access ramp. It was away from most people who had congregated in the front and were arriving and leaving. There were a few scattered people here, but it was less likely someone was going to bother you. He lifted the parliament box and brought it to his mouth, taking a cigarette out with his mouth before offering the open box to you. It had been a while since you had one, so you stared at the box for half a second before grabbing the white stick in between your fingers. Richie searched his pockets for a lighter, patting down his suit jacket pocket, inside and out. 

“This is why I fuckin’ hate these things, too many pockets.” He mumbled with the cig between his lips. 

“Said no girl ever.” The joke mumbled back at him as he found the lighter and brought it to your cigarette first before his own. 

Leaning against the wall of the parlor you both looked out into the section of woods that was just past the building. It was probably one of the few areas around you that had a large section of trees in Chicago, and large was probably an overstatement. 

You felt yourself getting lightheaded as the smoke burned. You were just about halfway done when you felt yourself wobble a little, the nicotine high hitting you stronger than you expected. 

“You alright?” Richie was leaning forward trying to get a look at your face. 

“Yea, it’s just been like a year or something since I’ve had a smoke. The nicotine high was just getting me a little dizzy.” 

He let out a laugh. “Fuckin’ amateur.” 

You let out a scoff to match his laugh, “Alright, Richie. You got me beat at smoking cigarettes. You win.” Your voice had a mocking tone to it. 

He enjoyed the back and forth, you could tell by the smile on his face. It was probably the only genuine smile on his face today, which you wouldn’t blame him for. 

“Have you talked to Carmy?” All your thoughts came barreling down as you saw someone walk by with a blue denim hat that looked just like Carmy’s. Your heart rate was raised, and that mixed with the lightheadedness was starting to make you breathe a bit heavier. 

“No, I haven’t.” Richie’s answer didn’t make you feel better. He must’ve noticed because he followed it up with a question. “I’m guessing you haven’t either?” 

“No. He isn’t answering my calls or texts.” Your phone was being pulled out of your pocket so you could show him the constant texts. 

You: 2:28PM yesterday Hey, I’m tracking your flight, says it’s landing in 40 minutes, I’ll be at the airport waiting for you. 

You: 3:06PM yesterday Hey, I’m here, text me when you land. 

You: 3:34PM yesterday It says you landed, Carm. Where are you? 

You: 3:56PM yesterday Carmy. If you missed your flight it’s okay, we can get a new one, no worries. 

You: 4:25PM yesterday Forget the fucking flight can you just let me know you’re alive? 

You: 5:05PM yesterday Carmy. 

You: 6:32PM yesterday Pulse check. 

You: 7:13PM yesterday Pulse Check. 

You: 8:55PM yesterday For fucks sake Carmy. PULSE CHECK. 

You: 6:55AM today I’m going to assume you’re okay. But please, when you can just answer my pulse checks please. 

You: 4:25PM today Thinking of you. Love you. 

You were expecting Richie to give you shit for the amount of texts you sent and you were surprised when he didn’t. 

“I guess that means he’s not answering calls either.” He took a big drag of his cigarette and shook his head. “What’s pulse check?” 

“It’s just something we came up with when we moved out of Chicago, things got busy but it was our way of checking in making sure the other person’s okay.” You explained the reasoning behind the words. “He’s never not answered one.” The last fact was added so Richie could understand where your worry came from. 

 “Kid’s a mess.” 

For a second, you went to defend him. Old habits die hard, you know. But then you really took in what he said it was true. Carmy was a mess. Even before this. You were still mad at him, though. 

“I texted. I called. Hell, I thought to send a fucking carrier pigeon but he’d probably just kill it and call it squab de papier.” An awful french accent came out of your mouth and Richie looked at you impressed, his nostrils flaring as he blew air out of them in a half laugh before letting a real laugh out. 

“That was good.” He nodded and tossed the bud to the ground and stepped on it. 

“I know, I’m funny.” A frown wrinkled on your forehead and you squinted your eyes before smiling. 

You both laughed again as you started leaning into one another, shoulders grazing against the other. It was what you both needed, something light to get you through the heaviness of the night and the week to come. In the middle of your laughing fit, there was a loud backfire of a car in the funeral parlor lot. It sounded like a gunshot, which wasn’t unheard of in Chicago, but considering the circumstances, it caused you to freak out for a moment. 

Your fingers straight away went to grab Richie’s arm pretty tightly. Out of impulse, he stepped in front of you. Scanning the parking lot and the others around it was pretty quickly that he realized the noise was a car backfiring and not shots. 

“Fuckin’ afterburn.” He looked over his shoulders to see your terrified face. It was still something new to him, you were never scared. The only other time he remembered seeing you remotely like this was that day at The Beef, with that douchebag. “C’mon, let’s go sit down before you fall over nicotine newbie.” He grabbed your arm and guided you over to the bench that was tucked away in the corner. 

You never were able to shake the feeling, you two just sat there, in silence as you tried to get back to whatever you considered normal at a time like this. 

“You got a ride home?” 

Looking around you saw that it had gotten pretty empty, you looked at your phone for the time or maybe a text from Carmy. 

“Yea I drove myself.”

Richie’s face looked like he was about to question or protest your means of transportation. 

“I’ll be alright, Richie.” 

“Alright well pulse check me when you’re home or whatever.” 

You went to argue on the usage of the term when you looked at Richie, like really looked at him. It was genuine. He actually cared that you made it home. You simply nodded and offered him a quick wave before walking away. 

_________

Time was passing slowly, and when you’re looking towards time to heal all wounds, you had to take the whole passing by leisurely thing as disrespectful as possible. The days felt long and the weeks felt even longer. It was 2 weeks to the day since Mikey’s funeral, and 3 weeks to the day since it happened. Your apartment was lonely, it always was but when your best friend was ignoring you and the guy you looked at like a big brother just killed himself, the loneliness followed you differently. You did whatever you could to pass the time. Visited Sugar and Pete, went down to the beef occasionally to see everyone, called Carmy, had 30 second conversations with him, which to be honest you cherished over the silent treatment. In addition to that, you also took on extra shifts at work, the barista position wasn’t exactly bringing in the cash but it paid the bills and the overtime put money into a rainy day fund. Plus, it was what you loved. Coffee. 

It was another Tuesday night where you fell asleep on the couch. Your mattress was more of a decoration these days than an actual useful piece of furniture. The ringing of your phone turned you over, the sound was different than the normal alarm chime you were used to waking up to. As you came more to it, you realized that your alarm wasn’t going off and it was actually someone calling you.

1:14AM. 

The time flashed above the unknown caller number.

“Hello?” The raspiness of your voice was hard to mask, your hand scratched at your eyes trying hard to wake yourself up. It was then that you realized you answered an unknown number at 1AM without any hesitancy. 

He said your name in a way that you could hear the embarrassment in his voice. You knew who it was right away. Who would have thought that hearing Richie’s voice at 1AM would have been what woke you up entirely. 

“I–uh,” You could imagine his head hanging low as he spoke to you. It was obvious why he was calling. Late night, unknown number. It didn’t take a genius to put the pieces together. “I need your help.” 

He sounded like a little kid, even with his age difference, he felt below you. It wasn’t really a feeling you wanted to dwell in, you didn’t like it one bit.

“I’m locked up and need you to bail me out.” The words flew together so quickly that even though, you knew what he was going to ask, it still took you a minute to process. 

“CPD or Northwestern?” The keys were already being scooped up from your coffee table. 

“CPD.” 

“Fuck.” You mumbled as you held the phone to your ear, slipping one arm into your jacket. Chicago Police Department meant a more serious charge, it wasn’t loitering or vandalism. It was a step up from that, but you weren’t going to ask him on the police line. “I’ll be there in 20.” 

With that, you hung up and quickly slid your other arm through your jacket as you ran out of your apartment. 

The ATM wasn’t exactly your favorite place to be at 1:43 AM  in downtown chicago, but you also didn’t want to be at CPD either. You stuffed the cash in your pocket quickly and walked into the station. 

After you posted bail, Richie was out within minutes. Good thing about Tuesdays were they were generally slow nights. 

The black eye he was sporting was red in irritation and starting to discolor. You assumed it had to do with his little stint in the slammer but you weren’t going to ask questions, yet. 

“Thanks.” He mumbled the appreciation, still clearly embarrassed. 

You nodded and got into the car, immediately turning over the ignition to get the car warm. 

He stood outside the car, like he was waiting for an invite in or debating walking home. 

“You thinking of freezing to death or do you want me to send you a formal invitation to get in the fuckin’ car?” You had leaned over to open the passenger door from the inside.

“I didn’t really wanna ask for a car ride home, too.” 

He was like a dog with his tail between his legs and you truly hated it.

“Alright, 1. It’s not a big deal, Richie. Relax. 2. I’m not taking you home, you woke me up, you owe me a cup of coffee or a drink.”

Richie awkwardly got into the car.

“Liquor store is closed now” Richie pointed to the car clock, his voice starting to level and sound normal. “And all your stupid fuckin’ coffee places cost probably the same amount as my bail. Which– how did you pay for that?” 

“Rainy day fund. I’ve been picking up extra shifts lately.” 

“Thanks, I’ll pay you back.” He answered automatically how one does when they’ve borrowed money. 

“Just show up to court.” You offered a different answer in response. 

He nodded and brought his hands to his head, like wiping them across his face was going to wipe the shame of the night away. 

“I have good coffee at my place. And I have alcohol. You down? There’s no way I’m going back to sleep tonight.” 

“Yea I’m down.” 

———-

You walked back into your apartment, keys hitting the table with a light throw, your jacket being flung on the couch. As you circled back around your kitchen table from the couch you approached the freezer. Grabbing a pack of something vegetable like and frozen to give to Richie. 

“Here,” You tossed him the frozen mixed veggies. “For that gnarly eye.” 

His face twisted in sarcasm as he nodded at you, which instead of being bitchy back you just smiled. You’d take this over embarrassed Richie anyday. 

“I feel like I don’t need to ask but, alcohol or coffee?” 

“Alcohol.” He responded too quickly. “Please.” The added pleasantry was appreciated. 

Grabbing two glasses and filling them with ice, you brought them over to the small dingey bar cart that sat next to your open window on your 5th floor apartment. 

“I’ve got rum, gin, vodka, tequila. All bottom shelf and probably expired. Pick your poison.” 

“Gin.” 

His answer shocked you, you expected vodka or him to ask for something dark. You had already scripted some beggars can’t be choosers response back in your head that you were forced to table. 

Placing the glasses and two bottles on the table, you passed him the gin and pushed his glass towards him. 

“Tequila, huh?” The question came as he poured the ginninto his glass. 

“Always my drink of choice.” You nodded and sat at the head of the table with him to your right. “You wanna tell me what happened?” 

He had already downed what would be his first shot of many, and started to repour his glass a little higher now. After another sip, he replaced the veggies against his eye with the glass of gin.

“Wanna? no.” He retorted. 

“Assault and disturbing the peace?” You read off both charges that were sitting in your head.

The look he gave you was annoying to describe in the least. “How—?”

“To pay bail they tell you the charges. To make sure you want to go through with vouching for someone.” 

It was your turn to refill your glass now. 

“I don’t know I was down at Cerces, bunch of fuckin’ shmucks in suits and shit, I just wanted to drink and hang out.” He shrugged his shoulders as he explained the situation. “Who the fuck am I kidding, I fucking slugged this motherfucker for being a smart ass. He got me back.” He pointed to his eye with his free hand. “Got kicked out and then decided to make some noise on the street.” 

You looked over at Richie, eyebrows raised waiting for him to tell you what he said. 

“Guy had a British accent, must’ve been traveling for work or something so I called him a wanker. The last word he spoke came out in an accent that made you almost spit out your drink from choking on it. 

Richie choked down a laugh at your reaction. 

“Why?” You leaned back in your seat. 

“Why?” His voice raised in question as his brows furrowed. 

“Yea, why’d you do it?”

“I don’t know just somethin’ to fuckin’ do.” He spat out quickly. 

“It’s a tuesday fuckin’ night. Sleeping is what you should be doing, you gotta be at The Beef in what? 4 hours? To pick up the meat shipment tomorrow morning.” 

Richie looked a little in awe as he stared at you. 

“I spent half my time at the restaurant, Richie. I know the schedules, I know the people, I know.” The last two words were deeper. They meant more. You were trying to tell him that you knew what he was going through, not like the people who shook his hand and offered their condolences, but like a person who spent a lot of time with Mikey and was now feeling that loss every day. 

“You uh,” Riche leaned forward on the table like he was gearing himself up to ask you something. There was silence in the kitchen for a beat, you didn’t say anything, he’d say what he wanted in time. 

“I just can’t shake the damn guilt.” His head was practically touching the table as he leaned forward trying to get out his thoughts. “I should’ve fuckin’ chained him to the desk or something, or intervention his ass with rehab.” 

He wasn’t really looking for an answer or response, he was just talking, so you sat there listening. 

“I don’t know what the fuck to do. Every day I’m just like waiting for something and I don’t know what.” He slammed his hand on the table in frustration and leaned back. 

The loud noise caused you to jump. His eyes darted to yours. “Sorry babe.” He apologized quickly and brought his drink to his lips again, taking a big gulp. “It’s like fucking groundhogs day.” 

“Not today, though.” A smile filled your face. “Unless you get arrested frequently and you’re working your way through your contacts.” 

“First time in 4 years.” He corrected you like it was something to be proud of. “Drunk indecency, with Mikey.” The charge was explained to you. 

“Oh. I remember. Mikey called Sugar and she called me on the way to pick you both up.” You looked smug as you drank your tequila. 

“I don’t even know why I went out tonight.” Richie started up again. You were following him, he was spiraling but it seemed to be somewhat helpful to him. “I just want to feel fucking normal again.” 

You took a breath, preparing yourself to respond back to him but he cut you off. 

“And I don’t want to hear that stupid bullshit, ‘some things aren’t replaceable Richie, you gotta move on.’ Fuck off.” He was speaking to you but he wasn’t really speaking to you. 

“I was just gonna say me too.” Your voice was soft which wasn’t really like you.

“Fuuuuuccckkkk.” Richie groaned at the overwhelm of emotions and went to grab the bottle of gin to pour more into his glass, you both had lost count of how many glasses this was but neither of you cared. 

“Anyways, enough about my shitshow of a life, how are you doin’?” He wasn’t even looking at you but when he asked the words hit you in your core. Why did you feel like you were going to cry? Maybe because over the last 3 weeks no one really cared how you were. Sure, people asked but they didn’t care. And even though Richie wasn’t even paying full attention to you, you knew he was genuinely asking. Maybe it was also because your best friend hadn’t asked you that in over a couple years. So Richie asking you this brought out a lot of emotion. 

“Yo. You fuckin’ good?” 

“Sorry. Zoned out.” 

“So, how the fuck are you?” He repeated the question. 

You let out a laugh that was followed by a few stray tears. “I don’t even know.” You laughed again as more tears fell. “Carmy won’t talk to me, he hasn’t talked to me truly in god damn years it feels like, my dad is who the fuck knows where, and I just lost the only Berzatto who gave me the time of day.” You let out a deep exhale. “And that’s not to shit on Sugar, she’s just been doing her own shit. It’s more shitting on Carmy.” You clarified yourself as you stabilized your voice more. 

“If you want to turn this into a shit on Carmy fest, we can. I’ve got ammo for days.” 

“That’s the best part, I don’t even want to shit on him. I just want him here. I want him to be present. Carmy is my best. fucking. friend. I don’t have anyone else.” Richie could get that. That’s what Mikey was to him, and even though Carmy was still alive, he understood what it was like to watch as you lost a friend. He watched it with Mikey. 

“He doesn’t even know that I was getting the shit beat out of me in Minneapolis all those years ago. He does know that my dad’s been in and out because that’s been just a normality in my life, but he hasn’t asked. I tried to tell him about Mikey, but he didn’t even let me get a word out. And you know what, I don’t even give a shit. I fucking get it. Mikey pushed him away and welcomed me in with open arms and that hurt him. I’d be furious. But he doesn’t know that I was struggling. I left practically all my shit in Indianna and flew to fucking New York with my last $300 dollars. I had to open up a $500 limit credit card just to book my flight back home. Which is when I came to the beef and while Carmy was blowing me off, Mikey was literally the complete opposite. He called me. He checked in on me. He sent me home with leftovers. And I couldn’t even just tell him to lay off the fuckin’ drugs!” You were worked up, your voice carried through the apartment. The echo of your hand slammed on the table caused Richie to jump, very similar to what he did moments ago. 

“Sorry.” You said in a much lighter voice. 

“Hey don’t apologize, babe. We’re fuckin’ goin’ through it.” He laughed as he finished off the bottle of gin. “Clearly.” His hand raised the bottle in reference to his sentence and also to say thanks for the drink. 

“Do you have a cigarette?” You were now calm, it was crazy how quick you processed things and just stored them away. It was something you had to do the entire time you grew up while your dad came and went. 

“Yea, wanna head downstairs?” His finger pointed over his shoulder to the door. 

“Fire escape.” You pointed in the opposite direction. 

You made your way out to the black metal escape. There was enough room for both of you to stand comfortably as you smoked your cigarettes, the view was clear to the riverwalk as you stared out. 

“Can I ask you something awkward?” You looked up to him as you leaned forward with your one arm hanging over the railing with the other on the cigarette in your mouth. 

“I’m drunk so it’s probably the best time as any.” He agreed. 

“Why wasn’t Tiff at the funeral?” 

It was a substantial question. Even though you didn’t know why, you felt the weight behind it. 

“Uh she had to– uh, well she had to, you know.” He started to trip over his words. “We’re getting a divorce.” The sentence just fell out of his mouth like water. It made your stomach drop, you weren’t exactly sure why. Probably because you knew that this was the worst time to be going through a divorce, not that there was exactly a good time for one either. “We uh, just were fightin’ all the time, arguing about stupid shit, I guess, you know, I’m a little immature, always at the restaurant, always with Mikey, well used to be, I’m a little hard to depend on.” 

You knew he was just repeating the things that Tiff had said to him. Her reasoning, probably thrown at him like daggers in the middle of the fight. She probably wasn’t wrong, they probably did argue all the time, he was immature, you knew that, he was always right by Mikey’s side which generally meant he was at the restaurant. But all those things were obvious to you. That was who Richie was. And you weren’t going to shit on Tiff for not wanting to deal with it, but it didn’t mean you didn’t question why she got into it to begin with. I guess the answer was love, but you didn’t really know much about that. One thing that stuck out to you was the last part of the sentence. Hard to depend on. It was crazy how everyone had different views of people, Tiff had known Richie as hard to depend on. But you knew him as the opposite over the last few years. 

“If it’s any consolation, you’re the most reliable person in my life.” 

“I don’t know what that says about you or the company you keep.” He snorted. 

You laughed at him, pushing into him with your shoulder as you took in another drag of the cigarette. There was another moment where all that could be heard was the sounds around Chicago. It was late so while the sounds weren’t comparable to a rush hour smoke break, it was Chicago so there was some city noise. Your eyes fell onto Richie’s hand as he gripped the railing. The gold ring was still on his finger, which was curious to you. 

“Still got the bling.” Your head nodded to his left hand. “Why are you still wearing it?”

For a second, he frowned, confused by what you were talking about and then his eyes followed your nod. 

“Oh, you know.” He shrugged and immediately took a big inhale of cigarette smoke. 

“No, I don’t.” You raised your eyebrows and turned to have your back against the railing as you waited for his answer. 

“I don’t fuckin’ know. Habit I guess.” He flicked the cigarette into the air and watched it fall 5 stories until it hit the ground causing the last sparks of it to jump. He moved, closer to your window and sat against the concrete wall, folding his knees up to have his arms rest on them as he was now in front of you and extending his legs out would give you no room. 

“Habit.” You nodded, taking your last inhale and doing the same thing as him to get rid of it, still leaning with your back on the railing.

“Yea, you know I’ve had it on forever. Plus like I don’t know, the papers aren’t signed yet, I’m not saying things could be different, but they could, you know. They could go back to how they were. I don’t know. It’s just there’s been a lot happening, I haven’t thought to take it off.” 

He was rambling. Understandably so. You pushed yourself off the ledge and went to sit next to him, copying his positioning with your own legs. 

“Who the fuck am I kidding?” He looked down at his hands. “It’s over.” 

The words were finite, the way he said them felt like it wasn’t his first time coming to that realization, but you figured it was probably the first time he said them outloud. 

“But are you over it?” It was a genuine question from you, a little curious too, if Richie was letting you in, you were going to take it, it was the first time you felt like you had a real conversation with someone in a while. 

“I mean, I don’t think we’re like us anymore, I don’t know if we ever fuckin’ were, like I think we had this idea about who the fuck we were together, right? I mean, I love her, she’s the mother of my kid y’know. But that shit was over a long time ago.” 

“What’s the point of holding on then? Seems like it’d be best for everyone to just move on. I’d say let go but I think you both have.” 

Richie looked at you, taking in what you said. Everything you said was true, it was a perspective he felt like he knew deep down but there was just something about hearing it outloud and from someone else that made it feel a little more realistic and grounding. 

He nodded slowly as he brought his hand up to his mouth, covering it as he digested the information. 

“So this is why Carmy kept you around all these years, you’re fucking smart. You should be like a shrink or some shit.” 

You let out a laugh at his words, the irony that this was all you wanted from Carmy, a moment to chat, it didn’t have to be about Mikey, it didn’t have to be about New York, or anything, you just missed these deep conversations with him. 

“Somethin’ like that.” You let out a deep sigh and looked over at Richie as he began to speak. 

“So can I ask you an awkward question?” His head turned to stare back at you. 

“I’m drunk so it’s probably the best time as any.” You repeated the answer he gave you which made him smile before gazing back out at the riverwalk through the bars of the railing. 

“That guy, that came into the restaurant a couple years ago, he was the one beating on you?” 

Richie knew the answer to the question, he felt like he just needed to hear you say it to get the clarity he needed, and maybe a few more details if you were open to talking about it. 

You paused for a minute, not sure how or if you wanted to answer, but you thought back to that day. You thought back to how Richie didn’t ask any more questions when you told him not to. He never brought it up again, he probably had a million questions, but yet he just asked this one. 

“Yea.” You held your breath for a minute thinking back. “My ex.” You pointed across the street to the little corner store. “I met him there, he was in Chicago for work, from Minneanapolis.” You felt Richie’s eyes jump to stare at you as he started to comprehend everything. “We dated for a few months, I saw him whenever he came into town, which was often. He was charming. We didn’t really do much, I guess I’m an easy date.” You let out a laugh at how unchallenging you made it for the guy. “I didn’t introduce him to anyone, one of many red flags. I knew that no one would like him, especially Carmy, he has that like shithead detector, you know? Anyways, he was wrapping up his last work trip to Chicago at the end of that August and invited me to come back with him. Carmy was leaving, all of my other friends were already back at school or moved out of town, I had nothing going on here, so I did went.” Your head shook as you recollected all of it, especially how naive and stupid it was. 

“It took two days for his true colors to show.” You honestly forgot Richie was next you as you thought about the first time he hit you. “I, uh, was unpacking my stuff. Spilled my soda on the dresser, he wasn’t too happy about it.” Your hand moved to your face out of habit, like you could still feel the sting of his hand across your face. “It stopped for a while, which is why I stayed plus you know, abusers abuse hard but apologize harder so I believed him. I honestly don’t remember when it got worse but it did, and I couldn’t leave. He broke my phone, I had like no money left, no friends, a shitty job.” A stay tear fell and landed on your cheek and you quickly wiped it away. “On paydays, I’d go to a check cashing place on my break, take $20 from my paycheck and put it in my locker, because the rest of it was going to my ex for rent or whatever the fuck he used it on and anything more than $20 was cause for alarm, I had tried and failed. After a few weeks, I saved up enough for a plane ticket and flew to New York. I left in the middle of the night. It was terrifying. I left half of my shit there, not to mention my fuckin’ dignity.” 

“Yea, but, uh.” The tears were now falling more frequently, you weren’t blubbering, your voice was still pretty steady, but the drops weren’t stopping. “Carmy had his own shit going on. I lied to him. I don’t even remember what I said to him about the bruises, but he believed it. He was so fucking out of it and so, I sucked it up. Found a credit card that I could open immediately with my god-awful credit score and booked my flight home.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Richie’s voice was soft, something you didn’t hear from him too often. “That’s– that’s some seriously screwed up shit.” His head was shaking as he processed it all. “I wanted to kill that motherfucker. Like I knew, right? You had that mark on your arm, I’m pretty sure I fuckin’ asked you, but you looked so damn scared and small and not like a kid, I just mean like stepped on. And out of all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never looked scared let alone small. I just felt this anger in me, like I wished I pulled that fuckin’ trigger.” 

A laugh escaped from your mouth thinking about that day, you didn’t find any of this funny per say, but laughing was just what your body could come up with to respond. It was muffled from the congestion of your tears, your nose was slightly red. Your hands moved up to your eyes and rubbed them before you told Richie your final thought. 

“You know, that day, that was my first day home. I was so nervous walking into the restaurant, I didn’t know how everyone was gonna be, if they were mad I left or what. But you looked up and me and smiled and I thought ‘Hell must be freezing over if Richie fuckin’ Jeremovich is the one saving me from my sorrows.’”

He smirked at that, there was some peace served to him knowing that.

“Can I say something else awkward?” His voice was still steady. 

You nodded. 

“Thanks.” 

That was it. That was all Richie said. 

You licked your lips and brought them inside your mouth, trying so hard to hold in what you knew would be exploded laughter. After one successful second, you failed. You let out the craziest noise as you laughed out loud. Your head fell onto Richie’s shoulder as you laughed and caught your breath, Richie joined in the laughing, the two of you louder than you should have been at 3 in the morning. 

“Shut the fuck up!!!” A random voice called out from below you, which caused the both of you to try and shush yourselves while uncontrollably laughing even more. 

As you both calmed from the laughter, there was a brief second where the two of you were looking at each other. It was short, but it was electrifying, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the emotions, but something was gravitating you two towards eachother. 

There was no shot you could explain when or how it happened. But when your mind came to it, you realized you were horizontal on top of Richie on your fire escape with your tongue practically down his throat. His lips were soft, surprisingly, which was what this entire situation was, surprising to say the least. You thought your reaction to kissing Richie wasn’t going to be to lean into it more, but when you both took a minute to catch your breath, there was nothing else in your head but the thought of wanting to kiss him again. 

“I’m so–” He started to come to it and get flustered but you didn’t let him, you were back to kissing him before he could even finish apologizing. The shock didn’t last long on him, he was melting back into it pretty quickly, his hands moving to your face, the heat of his breath exhilarating you more. Your body grinded on his out of habit, feeling his excitement that you were moving into him. A groan or two or five left your mouth, you lost count and honestly any consciousness in your mind was also out of the window. You were a one track mind, and that was to get Richie into bed. 

________

The cold air mixed with the rising sun glares woke you up. The pounding of your head being the first thing you felt and heard thumping in your head. A groan came from your throat as you rolled over to hide from the sun, letting the thin sheet get tangled up more across your body. That’s when you realized how cold you were, the thin sheet wasn’t much but it really wasn’t helping since you had no clothes on underneath. Memories from the night before crashed onto you which didn’t help the headache that was getting progressively worse. 

Expecting to bump into the man you shared the bed with last night your hand was met with an empty bed. A deep sigh came out from your mouth as you collapsed deeper into the bed. You weren’t disappointed or hurt, it was just a lot to take in, thinking about what exactly happened, what you talked about, how good the sex was. Which you had to admit was really good. Not to say you thought sex would Richie would be good or bad, it was that you never thought of it before, so the thought in itself was shocking. Then there was the thought about what this meant moving forward. That was a notion you spent little time on, you weren’t going to make anything awkward. It was a one night stand and it was Richie, it wasn’t going to be weird. 

There was no point in trying to go back to bed, you rolled over, grabbed what you hoped was a tylenol and not a breath mint that was loose on your nightstand and reached for your sunglasses. 

You sat at the edge of your bed for a minute, trying to work up the courage to get your legs to work. “Alright, clothes. Then water. Then food.” You mapped out your next few moves. To get food, you had to go downstairs, you had nothing in your apartment except for stale leftovers. 

The elevator dings were aggravating, you wished the sunglasses on your face did more than block your eyes from the bright lights but being hungover you just had to face the consequences. 

As the sign flashed first floor over the buttons, the doors whooshed open. As you pushed off the back wall of the elevator you stopped in your steps when you saw Richie standing in front of you with a bag of what you assumed was food from the smell. 

“Hey, I went to grab breakfast.” His voice was courtly, not his normal Richie self, more polite. 

You said nothing, just ushered him into the elevator with your arms as you fell back against the wall leaning your head back to rest there as well. Both of you stood there in silence, you weren’t trying to make it awkward, in fact that thought didn’t even cross your mind. All you could think about was how hard your head was pounding and how much agony work was going to be later. Richie on the other hand, didn’t exactly thrive in silence, he was fidgety, switching which hand he held the bag of food in, leaning back, standing straight, making noises with his mouth, casually trying to look over at you. 

“Why are you wearing sunglasses?” His voice switched from polite back to his normal abrasive Richie voice. 

“Because I have a headache.” Your voice monotone. 

“Oh, well I have food.” He held the bag out a little to show you. You would have picked up on what he was insinuating, you have a headache food could fix it, but you just felt like he was repeating himself when all you wanted was silence. 

“Yea you fuckin’ said that, Richie.” Your eyes closed now, not that he could tell under your shades. 

He got quiet again as the elevator beeped and flashed the number 3 as you passed the third floor, but that didn’t last long. 

“I didn’t get coffee because ya know I figured you had stuff here and it’d be better than shit out there.” His voice raised an octave which triggered you. 

“You’re right.” Again, answering in a monotone voice. 

“Are you like mad at me or something?” Richie frowned and stepped somewhat in front of you. 

Normally you would have bugged out on Richie, any other day, any other circumstance, but it clicked. Things weren’t normal, you slept with him, this was weird new territory so you offered him some peace. 

“No, sorry, I’m just really hungover, I appreciate this.” You pointed to the bag of food as the elevator opened on your floor, you squeezed past him to your apartment, opening it and welcoming him in and immediately moving to the coffee machine. Not bothering asking Richie what he wanted, you started to concoct two warm drinks, turning back around with the mugs in your hand to see him laying out the spread he bought. 

“I don’t know what you like so I tried to cover my bases.” He started to point at the styrofoam take out containers. “Sausage and Eggs, Bacon and Eggs, Bagel with Cream Cheese, Bagel with Butter, and pancakes or waffles.” 

You were impressed. Richie just kept surprising you. 

“Wow, uh, I’ll take the bacon and the waffles.” 

“Alright, cool. Waffles.” He mumbled as he searched for the container before handing it to you, sort of like he was taking a mental note as he was searching. 

He took a sip of the coffee, shaking his head in approval, “Yea that’s good fuckin’ shit.” 

You hummed a light laugh as you thanked him, opting to shorten his nickname even more and call him Rich. 

The silence crept up again, the sounds of eating and the wind from the open window the only thing filling the void. You felt the awkwardness and the tension, which was not what you expected, it was Richie fuckin’ Jerimovich, he never made anything awkward, although he was trying to fill a lot of the silence, typical of him and you were offering short responses if any. 

“We’re good, Richie.” You decided to speak up. 

His head turned, mouth full of eggs, bagel in his left hand, it was a sight that put a smile on your face. “Huh?”

“I just, I want you to know like we’re good, this doesn’t have to be awkward.” 

“Alright, yea, not awkward.” He nodded in agreement and went back to his food. 

The two of them awkwardly said goodbye, their short understanding not being enough for them to be on the same page but at least they both knew they were still cool, it was just managing the tension of ‘I saw you naked last night and now know a lot of your deepest darkest secrets so do I hug you goodbye or wave or what.’ But you both managed to get out of it unscathed and with a kiss on the cheek and a ‘call me if you need anything’ which was successful enough in your book. 

Work that day had dragged on, your mind and body were not equipped to deal with people all day but yet you were stuck pushing through. By the time your shift ended, you walked outside, taking in the cold Chicago air as you walked home. The heaviness of life started to weigh on you, the thought of how even though your daily routines hadn’t changed everything was different, how you couldn’t stop by The Beef while they were closing up and meet up with Mikey and Richie to hang out and bullshit around. But then something dawned on you, you still had Richie, and what better way to make things not awkward then by breaking the tension between you. 

You: 10:37 You wanna go to Cerces?

Richie: 10:37 I got banned

You: 10:38 When has that ever stopped you before? Richie: 10:40 Yea, I’m on my way I’ll be at yours in 10 minutes.

Next Fic: The Smell Of Rain

[roxygen22]

ABCs

"My Little Cocoa Bean" Series

Summary: 4-year-old Ben (AKA Bean) starts to learn his ABCs

C/W: None that I can think of, 100% tooth-rotting fluff

<><><><>

Willy came home from the factory a little earlier than normal one winter day to hear you and Ben chattering excitedly in the study. Not wanting to interrupt, he quietly tiptoed his way to the door and leaned on the frame to take in the scene.

It was too cold to play outside, so you made the most of being stuck indoors. You and Ben were sitting on the rug in front of the fire, your backs to the door and surrounded by papers with a few large, handwritten letters. "Alright, Benny, let's go over these one more time before Papa gets home." Willy hid himself further behind the door frame so he didn't spoil their practice time.

"What letter is this?" You asked as you held up a paper.

Ben concentrated. After a brief pause, he confidently announced, "A."

"Very good! What sound does it make?"

"Aaaaaapple," he exaggerated. "Nood-uhl, nood-uhl, apple stood-uhl," he sang. "We go see her?"

"Maybe tomorrow. I'm sure she will love to hear about your progress. Now, what's this?" You held up Ben's favorite letter, never getting enough of the reaction it elicited.

"B is for buh-BEAN!!" Threw up his arms in excitement with such force that he rolled to his back and spotted Willy at the door. "Oh - hi, Papa! You look upside down," Ben giggled as he splayed out on the floor like a starfish.

You looked back to see Willy kneel down with a gleam in his eyes. "Huh, you look upside down, too, Bean. Let's fix that." But instead of helping the boy upright, he picked him up by the legs. "Oh no!" Willy gasped with fake alarm. "Bean is going to see the world upside down for the rest of his life." Now you were giggling, too. You were in love with an overgrown boy, apparently.

Ben laughed and laughed. "No, Papa, you hold me upside down!"

"Oh goodness gracious, my apologies, young sir." Willy flipped Ben upright and set him on his hip. "Is that better?"

"You silly, Papa. Do again!" Willy dipped him backward a couple more times before he sat down in the arm chair with Ben in his lap.

"Alright, back to business. Can you tell me what you learned today?" You handed Willy the sheets of letters.

"A is for aaaapple. B is for BEAN," he shouted.

"And Ben, and Benjamin, and Benny," you reminded. The boy had procured a number of names in his short four years.

"What letter is next, Bean?" Willy asked as he flipped to the next page. You had not yet covered the letter C, so you weren't sure how Ben would respond.

"Umm..." the boy looked at you tentatively. You shook your head at Willy, who tilted his head up in acknowledgment. He decided to continue on with the lesson himself.

"C is for cat! That was one of the first words Aunt Noodle taught me. Want to know what else starts with C? Chocolate!" Willy scooped Ben up with one arm and helped you up with the other. With his family in his arms, he started to waltz and spin around the study singing, "Only Wonka's makes your eyes pop out their sock-elets!"

After a few minutes of dancing, the whole family plopped down on the sofa to catch their breaths. Willy was sandwiched between the two of you, your head on one shoulder and Ben's on the other. He looked down at his two loves and breathed out a contented sigh before kissing Ben on the crown of his head. "You're doing great, Bean. I am very proud of you. Soon you will know how to put those letters together to spell words. I was FIVE TIMES your age before I learned, so you are way ahead of me."

Ben looked up at Willy with wide eyes. "Aunt Nood-uhl teach you?"

"Yes, and it was hard, but it was even harder to go through life without knowing how to read. Which is why I'm glad your mother is teaching you early." Now it was your turn for a kiss on the head.

"Papa, we go to lie-berry tomorrow?"

"Sure, Bean. We'll stop by on our way to the factory. Aunt Noodle said she has a book for you about animals. It even has tigers and giraffes! Two very important words to know how to spell..."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

MASTERLIST

[harufluff]

‘i love you 3000’ nishimura riki

warnings - none. let me know if there are any.

genre - fluff, angst, idol!riki x gn!reader, enhypen x reader, established relationship au, enhypen au (feedback appreciated :))

sorry i’ve been so inactive. lots of school stuff and mental stuff. send in some soft hours cause i finally have some time and i feel bad for not posting in 10 days…

you had no plans of being where you were right now. sitting in your boyfriends arms for the first time almost two years.

two years…too long to be away from your favorite person. riki being the famous idol that he was, you didn’t get to see him anymore.

your best friend since grade school, turned love of your life at the age of 14, just before he left to pursue his dream.

and his dream took off. he became a member one of the most well known kpop groups and the world knew him just as the baby of enhypen.

you knew him as riki. the shy boy who loved dancing and the boy you for in love with for just that. although he had come back to his home, it was only to see his family due to limited time.

seeing him was the best thing ever. how did you get here you ask? well he did the most romantic thing posible. practically straight out of a kdrama.

quietly sitting on the cinder block fence along with your other peers. your friends talking amongst themselves as you sit in the world of your book.

‘y/n!!’ your head pops up from the book you were reading at the sound of a familiar voice. your head whips around to the tall boy standing at the gates of your school, and his old one.

with his eyes wide he starts sprinting over to you in excitement. you barely get up from your seat without falling and run over to riki as well.

you heart was beating so fast it was getting hard to breath. oh god but you had to keep going if you wanted to finally get him in your arms. it felt like if you stopped now, he would be gone for another 2 years.

but after what feels like a million years, your jumping into his warm grasp. your legs circle around his waist as he lifts you off the ground like it’s nothing.

to be honest your whole school could be looking at you, but it’s all the same people you’ve been with since middle school. if they were to be confused, we’ll that would just be rude in your mind.

riki starts swaying in attempts to calm the both of you down, but stops when you say this and his heart swells.

‘i love you’

——

‘why did you say it all of a sudden…?’

riki asks, you still laying in between his legs on your bed as you watch some random tv show, not even caring what was happening.

it was just peaceful riki catch-up hug time.

‘what do you mean?’

you ask, your voice muffled from your face being buried into his chest. he smiled sweetly at you cute action.

‘why did you say the L word right when i got back?’

‘why do you think?’

your face being pulled out of your very comfortable position to look at the boy in front of you in the eyes. his expression was questioning, still waiting for your answer.

he seemed to think for a few seconds before shrugging his shoulders and looking back at you with a pout. you smile before saying,

‘i’ve wanted to say it this whole two years. but i wanted to say it to your face more.’

his eyes widened and a contagious smile grew on his face, his eyes turning into crescents. rikis hands moved from their previous position to your cheeks, gently cupping them and continuing.

‘i’m glad you did’

riki kisses you sweetly but passionately, letting you know you are just where you are supposed to be in this moment.

‘i love you 3000’

©️Harufluff 2023 | Do not copy, repost, or claim any of my works.

send in soft hours!!

[maple-seed]

What Ails You

Loki x Fem!Reader

Content: Pining, fluff

Summary: Loki is your closest friend in the tower, which leaves you struggling when you want something more.

Word Count: 3,444

Author's Notes: A fluffy little oneshot to see if I'm capable of telling a story in less than 100k words. Results are mixed! I'm dedicating this one to my friend @sarahscribbles and her follower milestone celebration. Congrats, Saz! You've earned it. <3

AO3 Link

Loki Fic Masterlist

You had decided to take advantage of the quiet and do some reading in the common room. The quiet never lasted long in the tower, and especially not in the common areas. Still, it was hard to beat the way the sun came through the windows in the lounge, so it was worth the attempt. Even if it was doomed to be short-lived, the quiet was nice.

As you turned your page the exact opposite of "quiet" strolled into the room.

"There she is!" Loki's arms spread wide. "My favorite mortal." You kept your face neutral, without looking up from your book. "What do you want, Loki?" Loki feigned hurt. "What do I want? Why should I want anything other than your company?" You looked up at him now. "You want something. You're trying to butter me up with that 'favorite' line." "Darling, it's true. You're more dear to me than anything else on this planet." "Loki, you hate this planet." He smiled brightly, spreading his hands. "All the more reason to rejoice; you have so little competition." You kept your expression hard, though the both of you knew you were going to give in.

When Loki first came to the tower the two of you became fast friends. It was probably easier for you than the others, since you hadn't been around for the whole "world domination" thing. Whether is was that or simply your natural proclivity for mischief, the two of you fell in together almost immediately. Then, later, you did a little more falling on your own. You had managed to keep your feelings under wraps so far, or at least you hoped you had, but every day was a new frustration.

Today it was the way the light hit his cheekbones as he looked down at you, leaning forward onto the back of the adjacent chair.

"Out with it, Laufeyson." You muttered. "Well, if you insist that there must be a favor to be garnered here, there is something that you could help me with." He casually inspected the upholstery, as if anything Loki did could ever be nonchalant. "Oh, is there really? Who could have thought?" "I am wounded. I was simply seeking you out to pass the time. This task was purely an afterthought." You rolled your eyes and closed your book. That was all he needed. "Excellent. You likely haven't heard, but yesterday I was issued an insult of the highest order-" "You once said that about a sandwich I made you." "Yes, and I stand by it. You used cheddar when it clearly called for provolone." You rolled your eyes again and waved for him to continue. "Thor has-" You held up a hand. "Stop. No. I can't prank Thor. He was pretty upset with me last time." He scoffed. "Hardly a concern." "It's a concern to me!" He dismissed it. "At any rate, you will not be committing the trick. In fact, you'll barely be involved at all." You sighed and fell back in the chair. "What do you need me to do?" He grinned, victory in sight. "Very simple. This afternoon after our training Thor will pass through the kitchen for one of those atrocious pastries before heading to his room to shower. Just post yourself in the kitchen and stall him. Distract him for a few minutes. A short conversation is all that's needed." "And what will you be doing during this conversation?" "I will be occupied elsewhere." His smirk told you that he wasn't going to give up anything else. You pursed your lips as you thought it over. Inevitably, you relented. "Fine." "Wonderful!" He stood and rounded the chair, lifting your hand and placing a kiss to your knuckles, which had you scrambling to remember how to breathe. "This is why you are my dearest friend." He flashed you a devastating smile before turning and striding out the room just as he had come.

You watched him leave while the word "friend" settled in your stomach like a lump of lead.

**

You were perched on a stool in the kitchen with a sandwich that was more of an alibi than a meal. Their training session would be over any minute now and you were peering cautiously down the hall.

"What are you up to, Trouble?" You jumped, nearly falling off the stool, and swung around to Tony. "What? No. Nothing." It was not your best performance. Tony raised a brow at you as he opened the fridge. "Don't give me that. I can tell when you and Prince Harming are scheming. I can practically smell it." You lifted your chin. "I don't know what you mean." "Fine. How about this." He pulled out a Chinese takeout box that was clearly marked "Rhodes" and grabbed a fork from the drawer. "Whatever it is that you're doing, leave me out of it, and I'll keep quiet." He speared a forkful of noodles and took a bite. You watched him for a moment. "Deal." He pointed the fork at you and winked before leaving the room.

You settled yourself back on the stool just in time to see the gods and the super soldiers coming down the hall in their post-workout ensembles. You watched Loki saunter past with his hair tied back, face flushed and glistening, and almost forgot why you were here. The sound of Thor rustling in the pantry brought you back to the task at hand. He had retrieved his pop-tarts and was turning to leave.

"Hey Thor." The greeting was casual. He stopped and smiled at you. "Good evening, my lady." You made a note of the super soldiers rummaging in the fridge. "How'd training treat you?" He grinned and flexed an arm. "You tell me." You laughed and prodded his bicep. "Pretty good. I mean, it's not vibranium, but that's pretty good." Behind Bucky, Steve's eyes widened. He gave you an imploring look and quickly shook his head. "Hah! A measly, metal, mortal arm is no match for a god's physique." Thor shifted and flexed again. Bucky scoffed and turned away from the fridge. "Hey, I gave you a run for your money today!" "Oh, certainly." Thor turned to the super soldier with a jovial smile. "But you are a friend, I didn't wish to hurt you." "What, so you're saying you were going easy on me?"

This devolved in the predictable way. In short order everything was swept off of the breakfast bar and they stood on either side and commenced an arm wrestling match. In the background Steve went about making his post-workout smoothie while periodically shooting them a disapproving look. Loki had said he only needed a few minutes, so when sparks of static began to crackle over their stalemate you stepped forward and placed your hands over their fists.

"Okay, guys, I think you've proven your points." You spoke to them as if they were children. "You're both very strong, I'm proud of you." The situation defused immediately. They reluctantly let go and both grumbled something about the next training session. You took your sandwich and made your way to your rooms.

Loki was already there, which was not a surprise. He often retreated here after pulling off a scheme. As if it were some kind of sanctuary. Maybe it had been at first, but everyone had caught on by now. If someone was trying to find him, his rooms would be the first place they would look. Your rooms would be the second. He was lounging casually on your couch with a book and had apparently used your shower, his dark curls hung damp on his shoulders. You pushed away the mental image of Loki in your shower and took a seat beside him.

"So, are you going to tell me what you were doing?" You asked before taking a bite of your sandwich. "Of course not, darling, I know how you like surprises." "I don't like surprises." "You know how I like surprises." You rolled your eyes. "Trust me, the reveal will be divine." He took the untouched half of your sandwich off the plate and took a bite, immediately frowning at you. "Really? Cheddar?" You smirked and shrugged. "It's my sandwich." He shook his head disapprovingly but took another bite.

You propped your feet up on the table and sat back. The two of you passed the time reading and chatting. It was not much time, the expected interruption arrived fairly quickly.

A pounding fist rang out at your door. "LOKI!" Thor's voice boomed through the wall. You looked to Loki, who smirked and waved you toward the door. More pounding. "LOKI! I know you are in there, you coward! Come out here at once!" You walked to the door and settled your face before opening it. "Hey Tho-" Your words were choked off mid-greeting. A hand flew up to clamp over your mouth as you took in the image before you with wide eyes.

Thor was standing before you, clothes hastily thrown on, it looked like he had showered too. His glorious golden locks had a new color: a vibrant shade of green.

He was wearing a powerful scowl and spoke through gritted teeth. "Where is my duplicitous brother?" You fought back your laughter and dropped your hand. "I'm sorry Thor, I don't know. I haven't seen him since this morning." "Lies!" He boomed. "I know this is his refuge." You stepped back and let the door swing open, giving him a full view of the room. It was empty. Thor scanned the room with a frown, giving you another doubting look. "Maybe check the library?" You offered helpfully. He scowled again, looking across the room one more time before silently storming off.

You closed the door and placed your back against it, immediately breaking into a fit of laughter. Loki reappeared on the couch with a victorious grin.

"Loki! His hair!" You wheezed. "You are awful! He's so mad!" He shrugged. "It was a just retribution." "I doubt that." You wiped away a tear and returned to the couch. "I'm hurt you would take his side in this." "Hey, I'm harboring you, fugitive. That's hardly taking his side." "A true friend wouldn't doubt my motives." That word again. You ignored it. "A true friend wouldn't make me an accomplice." "You would be terribly bored with a friend like that." He stated confidently as he opened his book. "Lots of people like peace." "Not you." You scoffed. "What makes you say that?" "Because you like me." He looked at you, smirking and satisfied. It made you want to grab him by the collar and show him how true that was. Instead you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms. "Barely."

Loki stayed with you until he felt it was late enough to safely return to his rooms. When he was gone you took the throw pillow he was laying on to bed with you. His scent clung to it, and as you fell asleep you told yourself this wasn't pathetic at all.

**

You arrived in the kitchen early the next morning and made yourself breakfast as usual. Natasha was already sitting at the table with her mug. You took the seat beside her.

"Morning, Nat." "Good morning." She was drinking tea. That was strange. Usually she had coffee, especially this early in the morning. You didn't ask. The others were slowly filtering in and you didn't want to miss Thor's entrance.

You kept an eye on the doorway as you spread jam on your toast, the room filling up with the murmur of quiet conversations. Without notice, Nat reached over and snatched a triangle of toast from your plate. "Hey!" You dropped the knife back into the jar. "You make it so much better than me." She took a bite. You narrowed your eyes. "It's toast." "I know. It's my greatest shame that I can't get it right." She winked. Something wasn't right. You didn't have time to dwell on it, Wanda's gasp told you that Thor had arrived.

You looked up to see him walk through the door, dejected. The green had not faded in the slightest. The room had fallen completely silent. Then it exploded with laughter. It blended together into a roar, with a few jibes being thrown here and there. Thor simply stood and took it with a stern expression. From across the room Tony met your eye, giving a silent thumbs-up and sipping his coffee.

"Alright, alright, that's enough." Thor held up a hand to quiet the crowd. "This is not that funny." "It's pretty funny." Clint replied. Thor scowled. "This is a tremendous slight against me." "Come on, big guy." Tony jeered. "Why so serious?" Another roll of laughter. Thor glowered. "Has anyone seen my treacherous snake of a brother?" A murmur of answers in the negative between more laughs. Thor frowned. "I might kill him for this."

The cacophony had dwindled and normal conversation was returning. You took another bite of your breakfast then froze in place.

Natasha walked into the room, making her way to the coffee pot. She chuckled as she spotted Thor. "That's a look."

Every eye in the room turned in unison to the Natasha sitting next to you. She was wearing a very familiar smirk. "Well, you didn't think I was going to miss the show, did you?" A green light washed over her and Loki sat in her place.

A moment later the shape of Thor blurred past and suddenly the chair was knocked to the floor and two gods were having it out in a frenzy of limbs. The crowd watched with mild amusement as the brothers wrestled on the ground, growling ancient expletives at one another.

"And don't think-" Thor dislodged an arm from around his neck. "that I'm not aware your lady had a part to play in this." Your heart skipped a beat. His lady? "Hah!" Loki twisted a leg free. "You're only trying to target my mortal friend because you can't best me!"

Friend. You hid your reaction but it stung. You didn't need to see the rest, you knew how it would end. They would carry on for a bit then Steve would probably break it up, Loki would eventually change the hair back. You quietly stood and carried your plate to your room.

It was irrational, what you were feeling. You like being Loki's friend. You like that he claimed your room as sanctuary. You like that he steals food from your plate. You like that you were the first person he turned to for mischief.

Still, you want something else. You flopped onto your bed, lovesick, and wallowed for a bit. After a sufficient wallowing you decided you needed some time alone to clear your head. When a familiar knock came from your door you remained quiet and pretended you weren't there. He left. You didn't feel better.

**

Over the next two days you changed your routine. You ate at different times, trained at different times, you avoided the quiet places where Loki would usually find you. You started to think it was working. You didn't feel that lovesick ache in your chest so much. That came to a sudden stop when you turned the corner in your hallway and ran into Loki. Literally. You slammed into his chest and he caught your arms to keep you upright.

His face lit with a bright smile. "Dear heart, where have you been?" That was a new pet name. It had your stomach floating immediately. "Oh, I've been around. Just... busy. And tired. Tired lately." His hands slid down to take yours, his thumbs caressed your knuckles. "I've missed you." You stared, trying to decipher what his expression might mean and how you should respond. "I've just come from your room." Seeming to remember himself, he dropped your hands. "Barton will be hosting one of his... meat festivals." "I know you know that's not what it's called." He waved it away. "I can't be bothered to learn every inane detail of Midgardian culture." You pointed a finger. "It's a barbecue and you know it." He smirked. "At any rate, I wanted to make sure you would be attending. These rooftop events are unbearable without your company." You couldn't deny him, and numbly nodded. "Yeah, I'll be there. Sure." He smiled a gentle smile. "Excellent news." He took your hand again and pressed a kiss to it, like it was nothing, before releasing you and taking a step back. "Are you busy?" You recovered your faculty of speech. "Y-yeah, sorry. I was just about to go take a shower and head to bed." You glanced away. "Tired, you know." His disappointment was visible, but he only nodded and said, "I won't keep you." You managed a quick smile before stepping around him to head to your room. You felt his eyes on you the entire way.

You shut the door and leaned against it, closing your eyes. How did he do that? It was nothing for him, and you barely made it out of the interaction still on your feet. A cold anxiety settled into your stomach. You were going to end up giving yourself away. Embarrassing yourself. It was inevitable.

You hadn't actually been tired before, but you were exhausted now. You dragged yourself to bed, miserable.

**

It was inevitable, yes, but you decided to delay it anyway. You kept yourself away the next day, shut in your rooms, and when it was time for the barbecue you messaged the team to let them know you weren't feeling well and wouldn't be attending. You curled up on your couch with your book and did everything you could to avoid thinking about dark-haired gods and their perfect faces.

It worked for a while. Then there was a knock at the door. You knew who it was. You remained silent, maybe he would think you're asleep.

There was another knock, then he called your name through the door. You winced, calling back. "Loki, I'm sick. I'm not coming." "Yes, I've heard." His voice came through muffled. "I would like to come in." "You probably shouldn't. I'm sick." "Darling, you and I both know I can open this door." His tone made it clear that this was a courtesy.

You heaved a sigh, trudged over to the door and pulled it open.

Loki stood placidly on the other side. He didn't look upset, but you felt compelled to apologize regardless. "I'm sorry I didn't come, I'm just feeling a little under the weather." "Never mind it." He stepped past and turned to face you as you closed the door. "I haven't been feeling myself either." When you looked up you found he was studying you. You withered under the scrutiny, looking away and rubbing your arm. "I'm sorry, I'm just not up for having company right now." He wore a soft smile and stepped closer. "Surely you don't consider me to be company." You took a step back and hit the door. "No, I'm just... not feeling well." "Yes, so you've said." He stepped closer again, with a knowing look in his eye. "Tell me, what are your symptoms?" There was no space to back away. "Just... you know... tired." His gaze was making you squirm. He seemed to know it. "You did mention that." His eyes raked over you once and a slight smirk pulled at his mouth. "I think I may have the cure for what ails you." You scoffed. "Right. Of course you do." You looked up at him to retort but froze when you found something new in his expression. "Yes." His gaze was gentle and open. "I believe I suffer from the same affliction." You gaped at him, wide-eyed, and no longer felt the need to get away.

He slid an arm around your waist and dipped forward to kiss you as he pulled you close. You eagerly returned the kiss and as your hands found their way to his neck you felt his muscles relax beneath them. You pulled him closer and he hummed approvingly, his other arm finding its way around you. You clung to him, perhaps the only reason you remained upright. He broke the kiss with a sigh, pressing his forehead to yours. "How are you feeling?" You tilted back to see him more clearly. A smile curved one corner of his mouth, you reached up and traced the crease with your fingertip. "Better." You said quietly, looking up at him through your lashes. "But I think I might need another dose."

****

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