#Nani…….. I’m sorry I’m so sorry

[mattodore]

ocs aging is my favorite thing to read about, so i wanna ask you a question - how do you see matthias and theo (and their relationship) in their fourties?

and generally for how long you have their story planned? you think only about times when they young or you have “planned” their 50s, 60s etc

ly ly ly

Oh I really love where Theo and Matthias find themselves as they age into their forties.

For Theo, he’s fully out from under his parents’ thumb by the time he reaches forty and he’s also been clean for a good handful of years. The first twenty-something years of Theo’s life were… well, they were really hard on him. He thought of himself less as a person and more as an extension of his parents’ will. He did what they said when they said it no matter how little he wanted to, but once he let go of all that appeasement and supplication… he finally got to relax. Theo’s had pretty bad identity issues his whole life, but in his thirties and beyond it’s like he’s finally found himself again. He was lost before, you know? And in his forties he’s comfortable. I’m not saying he’s magically healed and well adjusted or anything, like he has C-PTSD and he still begs off therapy appointments and taking meds but… he knows who he is and he can see the world in the same colors he saw when he was five and still playing in the garden, unafraid of all the things a child shouldn’t know about.

For Matthias, he’s settled into his forties with grace. I think he’s more grounded after having Theo in his life for two decades. I think I’ve said this before, but he was numb to pretty much everything in his twenties and totally disillusioned and nihilistic. Let me be real… Matthias’s personality hardly changes as he ages, but I think his outlook on life is a little less bleak with Theo in it. Hm… I think in his late thirties he’s finally processed a lot of the trauma he experienced in his teen years, but… I don’t think his insomnia ever goes away. I do think he can sleep a little longer, but he still has auditory hallucinations for sure. Nevertheless, Matthias is fulfilled in his forties. He has his best friend and the love of his life… it’s all he needs. I think Matthias is really just someone who desperately wanted to be loved and he didn’t know what that hunger was for until he was so full of it it got stuck in his teeth.

As for their relationship when they’re older… they’d actually defined it, first off. I think they feel like they’re too old to be calling each other ‘boyfriend’ so instead Theo calls Matthias his partner and Matthias calls Theo his lover. They’re definitely living together but they’re still not married. I think Matthias might’ve proposed sometime in their early thirties but been rejected. Not that it was a serious proposal, mind you—like, the chance that he asked during sex is pretty high I won’t lie lmao—but I think he was probably just trying to get a feel for what Theo wants and that was a good enough answer for him. Day-to-day… hm… Theo’s a working man so he’s often late to meals and Matthias has to find him in his art studio to get him to eat something. Matthias is still a layabout but he does busy himself with writing—just journaling and letters and stories he reads for Theo. Matthias is also sponsoring a few organizations that’re trying to shut down the troubled teen industry. They visit Imani and her husband often and Matthias babysits when asked—Theo is very hands-off when Matthias is babysitting since he still has a pretty emotional response to seeing happy kids... ugh. The friends of Theo’s who stuck around from his party days will have lunch with him every few weeks, but they still don’t like or want to be around Matthias, which, like… fair. Theo doesn’t really hang out with anyone on a regular basis other than Matthias, if I’m honest. Theo just… isn’t actually a people person, it turns out. Theo also does a lot of volunteer work with animals since it’s another kind of therapy for him. They’re just happy, y'know?

As for the actual extent of the planning I’ve done with the characters... well, there’s no end to their lives in my head since I can just picture them at any age. I know Theo and Matthias very well… I don't even really need to think about it (which is also why I hardly ever write anything down… they’re just living in my head). That said, the actual story they come from (which doesn’t actually have a title—echthroi is just a temporary name) only lasts for about two—maybe three—years. It’s not fully plotted out because I would first need to actually make the Big Decisions I’ve been putting off with relation to the plot for foreverrr, but I know where it starts and where it ends. So they’re both forever in their 20s in that way, but to me they’re every age they’ll ever be.

[xrux]

U3U I hope ur okay here's a kiss

hi hi!!! Just been busy with life + work stuff that’s all but I’m ok mwaaaaaah thanks for checking in and so sorry to get back to this so late 😭

[dabuggh3]

Im sad and touch deprived so I wrote this ⭐️enjoyy!! <3

You and Hamzah weren’t having a good day. You guys got into an argument early in the morning about petty stuff, due to stress. You went to work and he went over to Martins to film. Through out the day you guys didn’t speak at all, no text, no phone call, nothing.

While having your lunch break you thought about the argument and it just got you more mad. Through out the day you were silent and just straight faced. Some of your close coworkers even asked you if you were okay. But you just brushed them off and said you didn’t get a lot of sleep.

It was around 8 and you were clocking out of work, you head out to your car and just sat there for a little, “ He didn’t even text me if he was going home yet” you thought to yourself but usually he came home later at night anyways. You play your music and start to drive, half way through the drive you and Hamzah’s favorite song starts to play. Your face softens and you think how stupid the argument was, you love him too much to stay mad over something petty.

Before you head home you decide to stop by Nanis gelato to get some for him and you. You get to your apartment and put the gelato in the fridge, you wanted to wait for him. You get out of your work clothes and get into something comfortable. You clean up the apartment as you watch, 10 Things I Hate About You. You hear your phone ring. It was a text from Hamzah, “ I’m going home” you smile,“ Okay drive safe”. You finish cleaning and decide to start cooking something.

You were still deciding dinner, when you hear the door open. You turn and see Hamzah smiling softly, “ Hi babe”. You look at him,“ Hi baby”, he turns and reaches for something. He turns back around with flowers, “ I’m sorry about this morning I was being stupid and petty, I’m sorry”, he says locking eyes with you, while fidgeting with his hat. You smile, “I’m sorry too, it was dumb”, you walk up to him, giving him a hug.

Hamzah puts the flowers down on the counter and hugs you harder. He turns his head and kisses your check repeatedly, wanting to hear you laugh. You guys let go of each other and you give him a kiss. “ Thank you for the flowers, I got you something too”. You walk over to the fridge and showing him the gelato. “ What, nooo no way” he says excited with a smile, “ thank you” he kisses your forehead giving you another hug.

He leans on the counter facing you,“ So how did it go with Martin”. “ It was good, we finished the video” “ That’s good, oh I was just thinking of what to make for dinner, what do you think? you want anything specific ?” you turn to look at him. He looks at you making that dumb face he makes when he has something planned, “ Do you want to go out to eat?, a date.” “What, yess duh” you say. “ Perfect then go get dressed”

You and Hamzah go out to eat at a new place you’ve been dying to eat at. You guys talk about your days and laugh about dumb things. “ No he said that and I just had to sit there with a straight face”. You laugh, “ You know dam welllll”. You guys head back home blasting music. Once your home, you guys lay on the couch eating your gelato. “ Can I try some” “ Of course”

It’s the little things fr 😭. Also what song would you guys have be you and Hamzah’s ( hope that makes sense lol)

[spicy-apple-pie]

I recommend reading Dick and Damian’s Batman and Robin run. They didn’t like each other from the start! They had to work on learning and trusting each other and that’s what makes their relationship so special now. Sorry this isn’t meant to argue with you, but if you like characters that dislike each other from the beginning but grow past that, then that’s exactly what the Dick and Damian relationship is.

Hey man, it’s all good! Even if you were to argue with me, if you were still respectful, I could handle it.

I think that Damian and Dick need to be like Nani and Lilo from Lilo and Stitch. Someone said it in the tags yesterday and I completely agree. Like Nani and Lilo are both struggling with the loss of their parents. Nani has to work her ass off not only to make a living, but to also prove that she’s capable of taking care of Lilo. And Lilo herself is acting out because she lost her parents, which causes Nani more stress. That’s the kinda vibe I’m looking for with Dick and Damian. Like, Dick absolutely struggling because he’s the oldest and wants to care for everyone because that’s what Bruce would have wanted, but also grieving for the third parent he’s lost. This got really long but oh well lol

[bullet-prooflove]

Valentine's Day Bingo: Break - Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson x Reader (NSFW)

Tagging: @justameresimp @agentorange9595 @handsupforamiracle @lxaah11 @librarian1002 @imaginecrushes @flrboyd @@nani-kenobi @areamir @b-bradshaw @adaydreamaway08 @crimeshowjunkie @shepgurl @inkandarsenic @caffeinatedwoman @tortilla-maria1 @lemmons1998 @dr-alan-grantler @dizzybee03 @burningpeachpuppy @penguin876 @deliriousfangirl61 @goosterroose @kishie8 @skyesthebomb @druby2011-blog @olymosity @@marshmallowflufffox @whateversomethingbruh @soultrysworld @@4everademigod @reneejett4 @notanotherpotter @yousigned-upforthis

Hitting the Bingo Square: Forgetting

Beau knows what it’s like when you get focused on a case. He’s used to the late nights, the intense scribbling as you draft and redraft your arguments. You’ve got a big one on your docket this month, a General, whose been accused of multiple sexual assaults. His legal team are the best of the best but then again so are you, it’s why you were cherry picked for the position in Victim’s Services in the first place.

Still, he worries about you burning out, you dedicate yourself to your work the same way that he does and lately it’s been intense. There’s a lot of pressure on your shoulders at the minute, too much he thinks which is why you’ve forgotten about Valentine’s Day.

When he steps inside the house this evening, you’re situated in your usual place in front of the coffee table. Your back rests against the couch as you read through your notes, making edits with a pencil. You’re wearing one of his jumpers over black leggings, your hair tied up into a messy bun. You barely register his presence, not until he sets the glass of white wine down next to a small stack of papers.

“Ally,” He says softly as he sits down in the space alongside of you. “You need to take a break.”

“Hm.” You respond distractedly, and he knows you aren’t hearing him.

There’s one thing he knows will distract you from your task. It’s his secret weapon, the thing he always uses when you get too inside your own head.

His fingertips brush over the collar of the sweater, moving it aside so that he can kiss that sensitive little spot between your throat and shoulder, the one that resides just in the curve. Your breath hitches as his heated mouth encloses over the space, the sound of your pencil pausing. His hand slips underneath the jumper, his fingers trailing over the lace of your bra.

“Beau…” You murmur, your head tipping back as you set your pencil down.

“Just relax.” He whispers against your skin, his thumb tracing over your pert nipple, bringing it to attention. “Let me look after you.”

It devolves from there, light teasing kisses that leave you desperate and overwrought as he goes down on you to the sound of Norah Jones’s ‘Waiting’. He takes his time, ruining you, his tongue tracing deviant circles over your clit as he fucks you with his fingers. It’s a slow build up, you raise, and you fall, but he won’t let you over the peak, not until he hears his name roll off your lips because that’s when he knows he has your entire attention.

You’re beautiful when you come, so fucking loud and uninhibited. He smiles as he kisses his way back up your body, his hands ghosting over your sensitive skin. Your eyes are still closed, your breathing heavy as his thumb chases over your flushed cheek. You look so peaceful right now, so serene and he knows that he’s achieved his goal.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” He whispers, his lips brushing over yours.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been more attentive…” You murmur, your fingertips trailing over the line of his jaw. “I’m a such a bad wife…”

Beau shushes you, his forehead coming to rest on yours as he looks into your eyes.

“What you’re doing is important, he needs to be held accountable for what he’s done.” Beau reassures you, his nose trailing along yours. “I’ve booked us in at that little B&B in Denver after the trial, the one you love. We’ll take a little time then, get reacquainted.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” You whisper, the edges of your mouth turning up into a smile before he kisses you again. Your fingers thread through his hair and he moans at the sensation when you tug just a little.

“Now…” You murmur with that mischievous tone of yours. “It’s my turn to take care of you.”

Love Beau? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - 2 GREAT Shows but everything else is kinda blah

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. Happy new year, BLabies!

Jan 2024 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 9 of 12 - This show is really earning its chops, and these actors are executing beautifully. I think this is a great BL, and it reminds me quite a bit of ATOTS, only the physical comfort between the actors is more genuine and easy to watch. Unfortunately a guitar came out. Nice communication tho.

That was a very lovely romantic sex scene. Very prettily done. Classy boys, very classy.

Gah what a beautiful final scene with Day saying the last thing he wants to see is Mhork. Pure unadulterated romance of the highest order.

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 7 of 12 - If killer, why hot? Poor Tarn compelled to try to rescue everyone else from their fate, because he cannot save himself from his.

Meanwhile Phaya is finally learning that you catch more water snakes with honey lube than vinegar.

Stellar confession from Phaya brutally honest and very fated mates.

And another lovely sex scene, so I guess that was a vision and not a fantasy Tharn had.

Lets be clear those two shows were GREAT everything else this week was kinda blah.  

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 - I find the backstory very odd. Are they twins? What happened to Blue? Am I meant to care? Do I care? 

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 10 of 12 - I mostly just feel sorry for First. He’s so rightfully confused. Zee/Sprite keeps blowing hot and cold because they two different people! The after sex cuddle was cute. 

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 14 - Love getting more JeffAlan. Also I switch favorite character allegiances in the trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 6 of 12 - Didn’t air this week and I hardly noticed. 

You and My Stars YT 1 of 2(?) - school kids, love triangle, it’s cute enough.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) 1626 ep 20 of 24 - Just so boring. 3/10 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - I’m not into the love triangle. Although I kind of like the new suitor, he’s honest and a good communicator. I appreciate these things in a BL boy. But I begin to wonder if triangles should be left for KBL. Also, this should have been an 8 epper, 10 is too long.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 8 - No ep until Jan 12 

I Became the Main Role of a BL (Japan Sun Gaga) ep 1-3 - AKA BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen - A rising star is paired with an (older) former child actor (doesn’t think he’s good enough) in a BL series. It’s fun, built on a dynamic of off screen paralleling the on screen, so near constantly meta. All the tropes are there but are as a result of the filming process. The star turns out to be obsessed with the former actor and very dorky about it. In fact, everyone in this show is a little gremlin weirdo (affectionate). There’s tons of scenery chewing miscommunication drama, slapstick, voice over head hopping, and eccentric sides characters. “And he comes with feathers” applies to a number of my friends. You know I don’t like stories around fan obsession, but otherwise this was enjoyable. 8/10

A nice start to the JBL year. Keep em coming, Japan.  

It's done I Need to Catch up

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have a spare day.

It's Airing But...

[INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

Night Dream (Sat YT) 6 eps - It’s a pain to track down and I really didn’t like the first episode so… DNF  

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?

In Case You Missed it

All my year end round ups (so far) are as follows:

TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023

Top 10 BL Secondary Pairs of 2023

2023 BLs Best Trope Execution Awards! TOP 10

Best Back Hugs Thailand & Elsewhere

BL 2023 - Cute Bits of Domesticity

BL 2023 - Boys Feeding Boys

BL 2023 - BOOP!

All the BLs Announced for 2023 that didn't happen

Next Week Looks Like This

Starting This Week:

1/9 Time the series (Thai Gaga, WeTV, Channel 3) 10 eps - MFlow Entertainment brings us yet another "fix the past" narrative. After witnessing the gunning down of his beloved, a heartbroken actor uses a magic pocket watch to go back in time and discover the truth and maybe fix it.

1/11 Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Gaga) - Soga, who, after a divorce and relocation to Osaka, seeks solace in dining at 26-year-old Sakae's restaurant. Unbeknownst to Soga, Sakae sees him as more than just a regular customer.

More Coming Jan 2024

Beside You (Thai YouTube)

Love For Love's Sake (Korea ????)- based on the Manhwa ‘Love Supremacy Zone’ by Hwacha. A young man is dropped into a game based off a novel he loves. His mission is to make another player, YeoWoon happy. But then the game starts unfolding completely different from the novel.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan ????) - five years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so... probubly not. I won't be watching this.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Yes, you SHOULD apologize!

This was a FANTASTIC moment! Last Twilight

Night Dream referencing the Shrimp Trope.

Some didn't like this bit BUT I love a claiming moment, even in a briefing room... especially there.

I ALSO love a good Grandma Moment in a BL.

Such a good sex scene. The Sign

(Last week)

[somejazzinthemorning]

tightrope. 10

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Original Female Character Warning: Mature content Word Count: ~14K

My dad had two frames on his desk.

On the left side, nearest to the computer screen, a photo frame showcased Nani, our beloved late Saint Bernard. Bless her soul. And across from Nani's frame, on the right side of the desk, was a photograph of Rio, standing with a smile so big it almost covered his bright green eyes. He stood on the second step of his first and only podium in F3.

It made me smile each time I laid my eyes on it.

The desk itself was a sturdy mahogany, polished to a glossy sheen that reflected the soft illumination of the room. Tall bookshelves adorned the walls, filled to the brim with leather-bound tomes and meticulously arranged files. Dad was a perfectionist.

Everything was perfectly aligned, always.

Against the far wall, a large floor-to-ceiling window bathed the office in natural light, filtered gently by thin, cream-coloured curtains that swayed gracefully in the breeze. The window offered a lovely view of the garden, and even a portion of the pool if we were standing close enough and just at the right angle.

It was a serene backdrop, suited to calm my nerves as I waited for Dad.

He was on the other side of the stainless glass door, pacing the hallway busy with a call. I tried desperately to not focus on his silhouette, a dancing blur of all colours, going left and right, never stopping. Every couple of minutes, he would wave at me, as if saying sorry and asking for one more minute. And every couple of minutes, I would nod and try to find interest in the mutted carrousel of colours of the tomes or the boxes of the files aligned on the shelves.

Even when he entered, his attention didn’t leave his phone. Sitting down on the other side of the desk, he offered me a glance and a quick nod. Seemed so mechanic I wondered how many times he had done the same gesture that day. At my silence, he raised his head.

"Forgive me, Evita. I really needed to sort this out before dinner," our eyes briefly met before his returned to the screen. "But go on, dear. How was your flight?"

"The usual," I replied, trying to hide my growing impatience. I waited for him to shift his attention fully to me, but his eyes remained fixed on the phone, his fingers scrolling through messages.

Realizing that I needed to take the initiative, I pressed on. Hope and apprehension swirled around and inside me. "Did you... set up the meeting?"

"No, I didn't," he finally replied, setting the phone down on the desk. "I've been giving it a lot of thought. As has your brother."

"My brother?"

“He knows you. He knows the field. I asked him for help.”

"And?"

"And I don't think you're ready,” and then silence filled the room. I was not sure if he expected me to say something, or if he was done with the subject. I didn’t say a word. In all honesty, I was still trying to put sense into those words. “I don't know where this interest came from, so I won’t put my name on the line for your whims," he stated.

My heart sank at his words. The weight of his disapproval felt crushing, threatening to extinguish the flicker of hope that had ignited within me.

“My whims? How—?”

“Two months ago you wouldn’t even consider shifting teams, Eva.”

“Because two months ago I didn’t know you wanted to sell the team. I had a team. A good one.”

“I’m more than sure they will be willing to take you,” his eyes dropped to his phone, lighting up on the desk. “Whoever keeps it, I mean. We haven’t made a decision, yet.”

“And why are you selling?”

“Ah, Eva, you know…” with a shrug, he let his back meet with the leather of his armchair. “It’s expensive. And with Rio leaving… just doesn’t make sense.”

“Right. Silly me,” I retorted, my voice filled with a mix of frustration and defiance. “Without Rio, it doesn’t make sense. Not without the driver that just got you the championship.”

My father leaned back in his chair, studying me intently. The perfect facade not trembling for one second, as I felt mine starting to break. Too many emotions erupted through my cracks and the conversation had just started.

“I’ve seen your dedication, child. And your skill, too. But it’s business, you know, and sometimes we have to make hard calls. The sport is harsh. You will learn that, in a good or bad way. It's cutthroat, unforgiving,” he paused. “And, for sure, it takes more than just talent. It takes a certain level of mental and emotional toughness that I'm not sure you have. And money, of course.”

I felt a surge of frustration rise within me, only showing how right his words were. We were not talking about the team, anymore. And what pained me the most was the nonchalant way he spoke. Dad was not wrong, though. I was a mess mentally. I had a lot to learn. A lot to improve. But don’t other drivers too?

"Dad—,” my hands laid on my tights, slightly trembling. I took a deep breath. “I know this is not easy. I’ve faced difficulties before. I've pushed myself to the limit. I’ve raced and I’ve won. And that should be the proof you need to believe in me.” I paused, taking another break to breathe. “I’ve raced older, more experienced men…. and I won.”

“Eva, this isn’t about gender.”

My eyes narrowed, frustration simmering beneath the surface. "I know it's not about gender, but I can’t just ignore the implications. You had no problem feeding your 13-year-old son to this sport when it was clear I’ve always wanted this more than he did. He never wanted this, yet, he got everything. The best sponsors. The best tyres. The seat in F3.” At this point, I was not sure if my dad kept hearing me; I don’t think I was hearing myself. “I’m 25 and I’m asking you to help me. Because I want to do this. I want a better team, or just some team that believes in me and works on my potential. If I don’t do this now, I’ll never get a chance.”

“Don’t talk about your brother.”

“Why?”

There was a flicker of unease in my father's eyes. He didn’t answer my question right away. Instead, he took a second, choosing his words carefully. "Fabrizio has worked hard for his achievements, just as you have," he replied, his tone measured. "This conversation shouldn't be about him. It's about you."

“So let’s talk about me and the opportunities I didn’t have. The chances I wasn’t given. Go ahead.”

"Eva, it's not that I don't believe in your potential. But racing is a high-stakes environment, and there are no guarantees. I worry about the toll it may take on you."

“Yet you had no problem to—”

A bang. Loud and strong as his hand met the mahogany wood of the desk. The sudden outburst left me stunned, momentarily silencing my frustration. I felt my whole body freeze. The sound hung heavy in the air, casting a deep shadow over the conversation. His eyes, darkened by the weight of his disapproval bore down on me.

"You're crossing a line here, Eva," he continued, his voice laced with an undeniable intensity, as his stern gaze fell upon mine. "You keep proving my point. You lack stability. You don’t have a strong backbone. This sport isn’t fit for you."

“I—”

“Listen to me,” he interrupted, rising from his chair and coming to sit beside me. He placed his warm hand on top of mine, his touch both comforting and unsettling. His skin was still tingling from the impact when it met mine. Awful sensation. “It's a tough and competitive world out there. Besides, racing is not meant for delicate souls like you. Look at you, piccina. The racetrack is no place for someone as graceful as you. Your job suits you so much better."

My anger surged, fueling my defiance. I wanted to get up, stand up for myself. But his hand was there, heavy on top of mine.

“You can take any car to the track any day. Enjoy yourself. Do a couple of races here and there to keep the mind sharp. But—”

“But?”

“But this isn't the right career for you, Eva. This isn't where you belong.”

The weight of his words sank deep into my chest. It felt like a physical force, pressing down on the fragile hope that had been slowly rebuilding. It was hard to take in, to digest. Dad was wrong. I knew this. I knew this was my calling. But it was hard to hear him say it out loud. And it was even harder to take in the reality of it.

I stood up from my chair, my body acting on its own accord as if disconnected from my consciousness. Reality seemed fragmented as if the boundaries between my emotions and actions were blurred.

"So what is it? My job? The office job?" My voice quivered, and the words poured out of me, unfiltered and raw. “You don't see? You don’t feel it, too? The trill, the challenge… the adrenaline. How happy I am when I’m on the track? You were there, beside me in the day I felt the most accomplished. You didn’t see it? You didn’t notice that that’s what truly drives me? Not an office job. That was the least I could do to feel merely content with myself.”

“Merely content?” Scepticism was palpable as he responded. So much doubt laced in his words. “You had so much more than many drivers could dream of, and you were ungrateful. Was that it? You own a pretty trophy and now you think you can take the world? What will happen when you get back to the factory? Better…” He got up from his chair, leaving an indented mark on the upholstery. My dad was only slightly taller than me, but he seemed so much bigger as he stood in front of me. “What will you say when you get to Fuji and realize you’ll be standing in the garage for days, not even touching the wheel of the car? Will you be happy? Or merely content?”

“You underestimate me.” A pause. A deep breath. His words had struck a nerve. “I'm not asking for a life of leisure or constant victory. I know the sacrifices and challenges ahead, and I’m willing to work for them. Marketing? Yes. It’s fun, it was something to keep me busy and yes, I can admit that it’s something that may suit me but will never fulfil me the way racing does…” I pointed at the frame of my brother. “Wouldn’t you like to have another child racing in F3?”

“You’re 25, Eva. Be realistic.”

Silence.

I didn’t know what was coursing through my veins, if sadness for my father’s unwavering position, or a surge of determination, keeping ignited the flicker of hope I shielded inside.

“And who defines what’s realistic?” The question left my lips and I dropped my shoulders, partially defeated. I knew it would be hard, and I knew I was probably not gonna make it, but goddammit, I just wanted him to have enough faith in me to instigate me to try.

“Where was that version of you these past months?” He questioned, his voice laden with disappointment. “You have been impossible to deal with, lately. Too emotional. Too frustrated. Too… unpredictable. Those mistakes on the track, that attitude.”

“You told me I was passionate—” I began, my voice tinged with confusion.

“I told you what I needed to tell you so you could stop crying and go back to work,” he interjected, cutting off my words. “And I can’t follow you around the world, whipping tears.”

Again, his words struck me like a blow, leaving me momentarily speechless. The weight of his dismissal and the invalidation of my struggles crashed over me like a wave. Memories of his hugs and comforting words in the garage surfaced, but they now felt like empty gestures. Anger welled up inside me, but instead of drowning me in a sea of fear and self-doubt, it fueled my determination. I had to prove him wrong, not just for myself but to shatter the doubts he had cast upon me.

Whether it took a year, two, or even longer. I vowed myself to make my way to F3 and fight tooth and nail for that top step.

And I would gift him my own frame.

Before I could find the right words to say, or to feel composed enough to turn my back and leave the office, his phone rang. Its vibration made an annoying sound against the wood, echoing in the room. Not to my surprise, my father was quick to turn his eyes in the phone’s direction. He glanced at the caller ID and picked it up from the desk.

“I have to take this,” he muttered and then excused himself from the room to answer the call.

"You talked?" Rio's voice held a hint of anticipation as he picked up on the first beep. It was clear that he had been waiting for my call. The thought made me crack a smile, yet nothing but a melancholic sound escaped my lips. From the other side, I heard, "Pack some clothes and come over.”

Rio was waiting for me at his doorstep with Liv perched on his lap. A large smile cracked on her face as she saw me leave the car behind and walk through the driveway. Rio was not so smiley. His gaze held a silent acknowledgement. Dad had talked to him, of course. He knew his answer. He probably knew it back in Mallorca.

As I drew closer, my older brother pulled me into a tight embrace. Wordless comfort that spoke volumes.

"Papà said you're having a bad day," Liv whispered innocently, her little hand gently wrapping around my neck. "We're going to have a party to make you happy."

"A party?" I questioned, my voice filled with surprise as I glanced at Rio, unsure of what Liv had in mind.

Rio chuckled, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"A pyjama party!"

"A movie night," my brother corrected with a smile, opening the door wider to welcome me inside. "And we’ll all be wearing pyjamas."

The weight on my shoulders began to lift as I stepped into the warmth of Rio's home. The house was significantly smaller than my parents’ and decorated in a totally different way. So different that they rarely visited the house.

There was a groovy vibe to the house. A fusion of retro charm and modern comfort. The house was undeniably Marjorie’s domain, a testament to her eclectic taste and vibrant personality. Rio was on the small details—on the vintage motorsport memorabilia and weathered posters from races, teams or technical drawings adorned the shelves and walls, intermingling with kaleidoscopic prints from the swinging 60s. Even the furniture had a retro flair with bold and eye-catching colours that added to the electric atmosphere.

When we met, Marjorie and I bonded through our shared love for music and art. I found comfort in earthy tones and meticulously organized shelves, while Marjorie revelled in the vivacity of vibrant patterns and her devotion to what she affectionately refers to as “organized messes”. Yet, despite our divergent aesthetics, we found common ground in our discussions about art, our shared passion for Frank Sinatra, and our penchant for lighting incense—a practice my mom couldn't quite fathom. And, of course, our mutual adoration for Disney movies and romcoms.

The living room was a cozy haven, with the sunlight pouring through the large windows, casting playful shadows on the shaggy rugs that covered the floor. The room was adorned with retro furniture, featuring plush velvet couches and bean bag chairs, inviting relaxation and lounging. Between them, a couple of air mattresses, that usually don’t belong there.

Grace and Marjorie were already settled in the living room, their giggles filling the air. As soon as they spotted me, Grace's eyes lit up, and she hopped off the mattress, her unicorn slippers making soft padding sounds against the floor.

"Eva!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with excitement. "Look! Pantuflas de unicornio!”

“Oh, my!” A strident giggle left her lips as I crunched down to observe the slippers more closely. “You always have the coolest things!”

“D’you want them?”

“No, my love,” a chuckle abandoned my lips. “They’re too tiny for me. They're perfect for you, though."

Grace's face scrunched up in contemplation for a moment. The bright green eyes stared down for a moment, until she nodded, probably satisfied with my explanation. God, she’s adorable. Then, she slipped her slippers back on and run back to her mom, bouncing around the room, her laughter filling the air once again.

Marjorie was sitting on one of the velvet couches. While one of her hands held Grace’s, bouncing on the mattress, the other waved at me.

“Go change,” she pointed at the hallway. “Fast. Before he eats all the popcorn!”

“Come on!” Rio screamed from the kitchen, on the other end of the living room. “I literally took two! Two!”

I looked back, before disappearing into the hallway. Liv was laughing, with one hand around Rio’s neck and the other deep into the bowl of popcorn.

“He took more than two, mummy!”

There was a strange feeling in my belly as a hurried down the hallway, but I couldn’t understand what it was. As I slipped into my pyjamas and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, a sense of contentment washed over me. The realization swept through me like a gentle breeze—I was no longer envious. If before I often felt jealous of my brother, his family and the beautiful home he had crafted for himself, now a different set of emotions took hold—excitement, curiosity.

And it was a strange feeling.

A new, scary, terrifying feeling.

“hate to admit it, but i miss you already”

I typed out the message, the memories of the past week seeping into my very skin, dissolving any remains of envy. I was excited. I wanted to embark on a journey of my own, forge my own path and witness where it would lead me—lead us. Me and Carlos, if he was willing to trace the path with me. A stupid thought —a house for both of us—yet, a peaceful one.

And God, I needed some peace.

After sending the text, I returned to the living room, where the infectious laughter of my nieces embraced me. Settling onto the soft mattress, I stole a glance at my phone, hoping for a reply that would bridge the distance between us. I had seen him that morning. Why was I already dying to get a hold of him, again?

"Alright, folks,” Rio declared, holding the remote high above his head, engaged in a playful battle with my determined nieces, their little arms reaching out to seize control. "Tonight's feature presentation is... drum rolls, please..." Rio paused, expecting a grand reaction, but all he received was an annoyed expression from Liv. Undeterred, he continued, "Tangled! One of Aunty Eva's all-time favourites. Am I right?"

The children froze in their tracks, their attention instantly captivated, their arms suspended mid-air, pointing eagerly at the coveted remote.

“Yes, it is," I confirmed with a smile.

Their eyes met, a silent exchange passing between them, and as if in agreement, they lowered their arms in unison.

“I miss you, too. Just a couple more days and I’m home” came the comforting response on my phone screen. And, in that moment, surrounded by laughter and the anticipation of a Disney adventure, I felt an inexplicable surge of gratitude and warmth.

The peace I had sought seemed within reach.

Hours and movies went by. The twins, lulled by the enchantment on the screen, had fallen asleep by the end of Luca, and Marjorie was defeated by her sleep before the conclusion of Pretty Woman.

The familiar glow of the television illuminated the room as we watched How To Lose a Guy In Ten Days, one of my and Rio’s favourite romcoms. Light-hearted distraction, a temporary escape from the weighty realities that burdened my mind and the absence of innocent laughter and ceaseless questions that before had echoed in the room.

In the stillness, I turned to Rio. There was a silent understanding between us, a shared history that allowed us to navigate the unspoken spaces between our words. Yet, as I brushed my fingers through Grace’s curls, I couldn’t contain the question that lingered in my mind.

“He told you he was going to say no, didn’t he?” Rio shifted uneasily, his gaze momentarily drawn back to the flickering images on the screen, a fleeting attempt to evade the weight of the conversation. “Rio, please,” I implored. “He said he talked with you. What do you know?”

If you have a big brother, you know the look in their eyes when they witness you navigating challenges they've once faced themselves. It could be problems at school, petty squabbles with your parents—whatever the case may be. Rio’s eyes, tinged with a mix of empathy and understanding, mirrored the turmoil that swirled within me. Duelling with his own emotions, torn between protecting me from the truth and honouring the trust we shared, he lowered the volume of the movie and then turned to me.

“He made it clear he was not gonna help you,” Rio confessed, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness that softened the blow. His words, like a ghost passing through a wall in a children's movie, permeated my being. "He doesn't believe that you truly know what you want. But," Rio continued, his voice gaining strength, "you and I both know that what he says doesn't actually care. You can make it on your own."

“Why?”

“Why what?” He was sleepy, and we were whispering. “Why doesn’t he matter?”

“No,” I rolled my eyes. “Why does he not believe I want this?”

A smirk played on my brother's lips, his eyes alive with understanding. "Well, he wasn’t spent enough time with you and Chili, ‘Vita.”

“What has that to do with anything?”

You needed to see him, to realize that you were letting the best damn version of yourself fade away." Rio paused, his words hanging in the air like a weighty truth. "I know you know it. You know he's the one who stirs up that… thing within you. And since Mugello, Eva... you've transformed yourself. I don’t know if you wanted to prove him something, or if he simply has some effect on you, but… I'd rather deal with the unpredictable beast than see you trapped in that soft shell of a person you were becoming.”

"Oh God, you're the worst.”

“What? Am I lying?”

I sighed and looked ahead, feeling a mix of gratitude and uncertainty. "It's just...I don't know what to say now.” He laughed. “Stop. Shush. Your kids are sleeping.”

“What then?”

“Do you think I can make it?”

“Get to wag status or d—"

"Oh, you fucking idiot," I said with a grin, throwing a pillow his way.

"My kids are here!" He exclaimed silently, throwing the pillow back at me. "Next one and I’ll make you add to the jar."

“Ok. I’m sorry,” I held my hands in apology. “But I’m serious. Do you think I can make it?”

"I do. Whatever you want, I know you can achieve it. WEC, W-Series...maybe even F3 someday. Set your mind to it, and go for it. You know how to market yourself, you know what you bring to the table. You don't need Dad.”

Rio's voice carried a mixture of conviction and unwavering support. It was in moments like these that I truly appreciated having him around. It was in moments like these I started to miss him. I couldn’t imagine not having him 5 minutes away. Either at his house or in his hotel room. He understood the challenges I faced, both on and off the track. For the 25 years of my life, he was always there.

"You've got the charisma, Eva," he continued, his voice brimming with confidence. "You know how to connect with people, how to leave a lasting impression… That's a skill that can take you far. Read everything in your email, answer the emails as you know and call people. Just… be you. I can help with the bureaucratic stuff. I know any of the Carlos can help, too,” that drew a small chuckle from me. “Just believe in yourself and keep pushing. Now,” he pointed at the screen, “the movie.”

Andie was about to grab the microphone and start singing You’re So Vain and, of course, Rio had to join with his too-high-pitched, terrible voice.

“I miss you already,” I whispered, just as the music died.

“Shush,” he muttered, pointing once again at the screen. “The movie.”

Let's not even begin to mention the struggle of attempting to sleep in an impromptu king-sized bed with two toddlers and two adults. Air mattresses and blankets were strewn about, and suddenly Rio's snoring seemed like a minor inconvenience compared to the chaos unfolding around me. Grace and Liv tossed and turned, their tiny fists finding their way to every limb in their surroundings, without a hint of mercy.

However, when I groggily opened my eyes, sandwiched between my two nieces, a tray of coffee and freshly baked pancakes waiting at my feet, and another Disney movie playing on the TV, I couldn't help but feel a wave of gratitude wash over me. Marjorie was curled up in an armchair, still in her pyjamas and with a steamy cup of coffee in her hands.

“Morning,” she said. Her pale fingers left the mug to slightly wave at me. “I didn’t know if you had work, so I let you sleep.”

“What time is it?” I looked around, looking for my phone, but in between the mess of blankets and pillows, it was nowhere to be found.

“Just a bit after 9,” she threw me my phone, which I caught phone mid-air.

After a quick glance at the screen, I could confirm her words: a little past 9 in the morning. The lack of sleep tugged at my eyelids, but the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the buttery scent of croissants enticed me to wakefulness.

"Thanks, Marge," I mumbled, still rubbing the remnants of sleep from my eyes. "You didn't have to do all this, though."

She gave me a half-hearted smile. "No problem. Thought a little pick-me-up might help after Rio told me what was going on."

And help it did.

The warm cup of coffee worked its magic and coaxed my mind into alertness as I sipped the rich brew, especially when I noticed the not-so-subtle hints of whiskey under the caffeine tones. You can take a girl of Scotland, but can’t take Scotland of the girl.

“Wanna talk about it?” She asked me.

“Not really.”

"Have you got work today, or will you stay with us?" Rio's voice called from the kitchen, still carrying a roughness from sleep. I was not sure if he had listened to Marjorie’s question and my quick answer, or if his question came out of the blue, but his voice was more than enough to change the subject. "Or is it today you're travelling?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving for Milan after lunch. Just need to swing by home to grab my things and say goodbye to Mom."

“Just Mom?”

“Don’t really want to talk with Dad, right now.”

A heavy silence settled between us, punctuated by Rio’s audible sigh. That was enough to make Marjorie swiftly get up and rush the kids inside, leaving us alone to talk. Rio waited until we were alone, gaze fixed on his adorable twins, making their way inside.

“Don’t forget, he’s still Dad, you know,” his voice rang with a certain frustration to it. “Don’t give him reasons to act this way. Try to not be immature about all this.”

I bristled at his words, feeling defensive. "Believe me, if you had the same conversation, you would feel this way.”

Rio's expression softened, “I had some really hard conversations with him, Eva. It takes patience. Especially with him.”

“I don’t really want to pretend I’m okay with what he said.”

“Ignoring him won’t change a thing," Rio reasoned. “Showing him you’re more mature than he thinks might just make him reconsider. Or at least…” he paused, “…bite his tongue.”

“And why is this mature thing coming from?” I stood up from the mattress, my limbs still feeling a bit numb from sleep. My mind, however, was becoming sharper by the second. “I’ve been doing my thing for years. I've always shown nothing but maturity.”

“A bit of self-awareness is welcome, sis,” he mocked. I raised my brow. “C’mon, Eva. Don’t make me go there.”

“Yeah, well. Go there.”

“You know him,” Rio's voice took on a gentle tone as he picked up the pillows, organizing the small nest we had created last night. “You know how dad is. Always so… straight and polite. The way you react to things… I don’t know. He says he spoiled you too much.”

"Now I'm spoiled and immature?" I retorted.

“Stop. You keep proving my point. Just prove him wrong. Be polite, be the most annoying version of Dad you can be.” He looked up at me, hair falling over his sleepy eyes. "He doesn't know you as I do. And I know you're capable of it. I've said it once, and I'll say it as many times as you need to hear it.”

“Also,” he continued, taking a couple of steps in my direction. “If you really want to do this, wrap up all your ongoing projects and focus on getting a team and sponsors. Change priorities. Stop worrying about having a safety net. We won’t let you fall.” I nodded. Words silenced by the surprise his words caught me in. “Also, don’t waste time looking for Dad’s approval or validation. Call whoever you want to call. Stop doubting. Use Fuji to make contacts. Talk to people. Take matters into your own hands.”

Take matters into my own hands.

It was time to actually be independent and take a leap of faith. Not on another, but in myself. And God, I hadn't understood before that that was the most challenging—finding trust in myself.

Throughout that week, as I immersed myself in preparations for the upcoming race at Fuji with my endurance team and meet each night for dinner with my clients from Milan, I started to tie loose ends, just like my brother had advised. I told them about my move and guided them through what was about to happen. I would delegate them to Amanda, showed them how she would take care of them with the same dedication I had, and used the little free time between meetings and training to draft a series of emails, one for my boss and others for the individuals who held the keys to my future.

From afar, I had the help and support from Carlos.

Selfies, texts. A call at the end of the day, even if it was not much more than to exchange a good night.

Thursday night, at the end of the last day, when work was finally behind and the windows of my hotel room framed the lights of the city, I dialled his number. God. His voice. His accent. It soothed me in ways I couldn’t explain.

"You're going back home tomorrow?”

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Yes. And then straight to Avila.”

"What time do you arrive?”

“At Avila? Around eight, I think. Seven-ish.”

“I’ll be there by then, I think. But I can wait a couple of hours at the airport if you wish.”

"A couple of hours? No. Carlos—" I heard a grunt on the other end, a signal for silence. "No. Don’t bother. My parents will be there to pick me up. You can wait at home."

"Well, I can't.” I laughed, my heart fluttering at the sound of his voice that had just joined mine in laughter. “What? I simply can't."

There was a pause, filled with unspoken longing.

I could imagine his playful smile on the other end of the line. I could trace the wrinkle around his eyes, or the scrunch of his nose. Freaking hell, I was down bad.

“Did your sisters say something to your mom? I find it weird to be invited there, like this.”

“I don’t know,” he paused. “I mean, your mom helping set up the dinner. Blanca wants to make the announcement pretty intimate. And after last week, I don’t find it weird she wants you there. Did she call you?”

“Yes, but not before calling my mom. And she almost threw a fit over the phone, saying I don’t tell her anything.”

“Well, did you?”

I paused. “No, we barely talked. After all that stuff with my dad and going to sleep at Rio’s… you know… barely saw her.”

The ruffle of sheets made its way through the phone, suggesting he was moving on the other side.

“Yeah, about that…” his voice rang more serious than before. Deep and heavy. “How are you feeling? I’m happy to finally catch you on the phone at a decent hour so we can actually talk about it.”

A sigh escaped my lips, a mix of fatigue evident in my voice. "I feel like I need a vacation already. From all this, I mean…" I confessed, my weariness evident. Mentally, I felt exhausted from the constant juggling of obligations. From the moment I woke up until the moment I laid down to sleep, my mind felt like a swirling circus. Thoughts and ideas danced and twirled, leaving me overwhelmed with the cacophony of my own aspirations.

"How's Fuji prep going?"

"Oh, that’s going nice. I mean... Yeah, nicely," I replied, the uncertainty creeping into my words. The sound he made on the other end of the line felt like a gentle reprimand. "I mean, it's just that sometimes I feel like I'm not doing anything, or at least anything that matters and I feel like each time I feel like this I’m proving my Dad right…"

"Eva..." his voice held a soothing quality as if reaching out to calm the waves of doubt crashing against my shore.

"Don't get me wrong," I quickly interjected, wanting to clarify my sentiments. "I'm—”

“Grateful?”

“Yes,” I nodded to the empty room.

“But?”

"But... it's hard not to feel frustrated," I admitted, my voice tinged with a mix of resignation. "I want to be out there, on the track, pushing myself to the limits. Not like this… I mean… I feel like an intern. A movie-type of intern, that gets coffee and sits at meetings, whispering one of two things to a superior and goes home feeling like crap. I mean… It’s good. We are improving. We feel like we can fight in the front next week if we qualify well, but… I want to feel the thrill of competing inside the car. The sidelines are not for me. I enjoy it and I’m so grateful for the opportunity, but each weekend I think it will be different, and it isn’t… I’m just tired of waiting.”

“I know that feeling all too well, love.” I can’t lie, my stomach twitched when I heard it. I was not used to that. Perhaps I would never get used. “I’ve been there, it’s natural to want more. The only thing I can tell you is to be patient.”

“You were there with Sebastian Vettel, not with this team.”

“The fight will make it worth it, Eva.”

I let out a sigh, allowing his words to sink in. “I know.”

“And you matter. Your work matters. You’re smart. You know how to give feedback. I’m more than sure the team is grateful to have you around.”

A soft smile tugged at the corners of my lips, comforted by the reassurance. "Thank you for reminding me of that.”

“Be sure to not forget.”

“Hm,” I scoffed, immersed in the power of his voice and the darkness of my room staring back at me. I would have gotten lost in it if it wasn’t for his voice, anchoring me in a port of safety. “It is hard to forget, though.”

“Why?”

“Because the path seems so long and I’m 25. 25. I should stick to WEC or LMS instead of just—”

“Eva,” this time it sounded and felt like actually being scolded. “We’re not going to walk backwards. What do you want?”

“Now?”

“Well…” he pondered, ending up chuckling. I could pay to hear his thoughts. “Not now, but for the next months*.”*

“To race. In a car. To have a proper goal to train to. The Challenge is over and I’m not sure when I’ll actually be in a car. No simulators crap.”

He chuckled on the other side. We had the same view on simulators and racing games. We were raised on the track, under pouring rain and the hot Spanish sun. There was nothing in the world that could simulate the feeling of racing under the elements. Feeling and hearing the engine and the blood thickening with adrenaline.

“Okay, so the first step is to get you in a car, then.” He said like it was obvious. “We will sort that out. But after? What’s your goal?”

We will sort that out. That made me smile.

“I don’t know. Is it dumb to say I would really like to try to reach F3? At least.”

I could feel his smile when he replied. “At least. That’s what I wanna hear. It’s not dumb, at all.”

“You have more confidence in me than I’ll ever have.”

“Doesn’t it work both ways?”

The question came so quickly that it almost fell like a product of my own mind. A shiver ran across my spine, filling my body with this incredibly hard-to-decipher feeling. I had him back, yet it felt like I missed him more than ever, or that I was finally noticing how much I’d miss him.

"Yeah, it does. Always did," I admitted, my voice laced with a mix of nostalgia and affection.

Our connection ran deep—deeper than I dared to admit. Our roots were plunging down in the same place.

“Always,” he echoed, his voice carrying a hint of longing.

Wafting in the lavender-loaded atmosphere of the room was the bittersweet reminder of the times we had spent together, the memories etched in our minds like tire tracks on the asphalt. No matter how much time apart or how deep the sorrow seemed to hit, we would always have each other. We were part of each other. And if that used to bring me pain, now I couldn’t feel anything else other than utter glory.

His breath cut rhythmically the silence, I didn’t say anything because there was nothing I could say, and he didn’t either. For a couple of seconds, I let myself picture him there, on the other side of the bed.

“I’ll let you go to sleep,” he said, erupting through the silence.

Looking into the dark in front of me, I wished for his presence. To be able to stare into his eyes and drown in the honey mantle before me. Let my fingers roam through his hair. Inspire the sweet scent of his presence.

“One sleep away and I’ll be there, again,” he said.

“One sleep away,” I repeated. “See you tomorrow.”

                                                        * 

Ávila, its ancient walls and medieval charm, are just a stone’s throw from Madrid, yet for a couple of summers, it felt like a whole different world.

That day, Dad relied solely on his memories to navigate the road. The familiar sights and scents of the countryside guided him out from Madrid, while stirring up anticipation and memories that had lived inside me and been tucked away beneath a heavy blanket of sorrow and regrets. At the first familiar sight, those memories came flooding back to me, vivid and alive in my mind. The oaks, the radiant sun, and the feeling of the gentle breeze that seemed to slow time down, as if we were stuck in a distant dream.

There were summers I spent more time in Avila than in Madrid.

It was our sanctuary—the days unfolded slowly, so lazy and simple; similar to Mallorca, but right at our doorstep, just an hour's drive from Madrid. I had my own room at the Sainz estate, but it was in Ana's bed that I inevitably fell asleep almost every night, after long hours of talking about everything and nothing.

My favourite tradition was the late-night walks after dinner. The five of us—Ana, Blanca, Carlos, Rio and I, would wander along the estate, bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight and the few yellow lanterns we managed to gather before leaving. It was magic. It seemed like the moon itself was one of us, whispering secrets in our ears, secrets aching to be shared. Often, I would find myself walking along Carlos, footsteps in sync, away from the rest of the group. I don’t know if it was the moon and its particular allure, or just the tiredness of the night, but as the unhurried days melted into tranquil nights, our conversations grew deeper, more intimate. The night concealed our vulnerability, and the tint of our blushed cheeks blended seamlessly into the shadows.

I remember how I dreamed about kissing him under the moonlight, how it made his eyes even more captivating.

But I never did. I held back.

I wanted him to make the first move, although I never thought he would.

And during the days, when we were not laying by the pool or riding horses around the estate, we would give into our adventurous spirits. The whole property was our playground. Through the trees and the dirt road courses, we held impromptu rally races. Sainz Sr. would join us when he was around, turning those days into an intimate racing boot camp. Roaring engines, screeching tires, smoke and clouds of dust. Those were the moments I longed for, when imperfection was embraced and our hunger for knowledge pushed us further. It was so much more than just racing.

Some days, I would stay over, others I would go back home.

And every time I left, the marks La Piñonera had left seemed to reach deeper.

Rio shared the same feeling. It was during one of these days that he discovered that his true passion doesn’t lie behind the wheel but in the heart of the garage. When he heard the roar of the engine after hours of work, while his hands were covered in oil and the bed of his nails were nothing but pitch black, he knew he had found his calling. We all knew. It took him a year to tell Dad and even more time for Dad to let him quit racing.

However, it had been a couple of years since my last visit to Avila, and it was not until I had the first glimpse of the La Piñonera that I realized how much I missed the place. At the end of the dirt road, the house lay under the hot August sun, gates open, ready to welcome us.

Sainz Sr. waited for us on the patio, arms up, waving at us. A trail of dust followed my Dad’s Benz until it was parked under the gazebo, exactly where Senior had instructed to. Against the stone walls of the structure, were a few motorbikes. A fine layer of dust all over them. It was the first time I’d seen them there. They felt so out of place, like a recent photo lost in the middle of a childhood album.

Perhaps time doesn't actually stand still in Avila.

Around us, the air was thick with warmth, and not a leaf stirred on that still day. It was a hot August day, and the second I stepped out of the air conditioner of the car, I felt the heat embrace me. Tiny drops of sweat clung to my nose and temples. Looking around, hearing the crunch of gravel beneath my feet echoed in the stillness, I noticed how the holm oaks stood tall and motionless, the branches casting circles of shadow here and there over the courtyard.

That was just the same.

Reyes met us by the door and guided us inside. My gaze swept across the walls adorned with hunting memorabilia, including the imposing deer heads that had always sent shivers down my spine. I couldn't help but apologize silently to the frozen creatures for their fate. Their frigid stares followed me all the way through the room, as we made our way to the bustling kitchen. The scents of home-cooked meals and the clicking of utensils filled the air. Ana and Blanca donned their red aprons and summer dresses and moved around, their voices blending into a harmonious conversation. At the clink of my mother’s hells, they turned around.

"You’re here! Welcome back" Ana exclaimed. "My God, it’s been so long."

“Do you miss me that much, already?” I mocked, leaving a peck on her cheek and moving to Blanca, washing some vegetables on the sink. “It’s been… what? Four days?”

“Since you visited the house, idiot.”

“Oh, and I thought I was already being missed…”

I settled down near the window, watching them work from afar. My eyes couldn’t help but drift to the outside, taken by the curiosity of seeing how much had changed in the backyard. But it all matched the pictures in my mind. The green around the pool was still there, so saturated, so inviting. Around it, the herbs and oaks kept their brown and yellow hues, dark green leaves standing tall and watching us from afar. Towels on the loungers, a football near the pool… Oli sleeping in the shadow. Just like I remembered.

“How was the drive here?” Blanca asked, “do you still remember the way?”

"My dad drove. And you know how it goes. He found the worst detours possible and my mom desperately tried to not correct him every five minutes.”

“Oh, the joys of family road trips,” Reyes said. “We should do that more, girls.”

“God forbid,” Ana said between her teeth.

“I would do it more often if my husband had yours’s sense of navigation,” my mom commented. “Alessio can’t find the way even with the GPS in front of his eyes.”

Reyes playfully nudged my arm. "Speaking of trips, I hear you had quite the memorable one in Mallorca. Care to share?”

I raised an eyebrow, pointing at Ana and Blanca. "Now, what have these two been telling you?"

They both raised their hands defensively, shaking their heads. Reyes joined in, laughing along.

"Oh, go ahead, girls," my mom chimed in. "Eva hasn't told me a thing about the whole week. I need to hear it from you."

"There's really nothing to tell," I interjected. "It’s not my fault if these two exaggerated anything."

Ana turned around and walked to the fridge. "Who, us? Exaggerate? Never!"

I chuckled, discreetly pulling out my phone and texting Carlos. "Where are you hiding?"

Blanca playfully nudged Ana. "Watch out. With that many knives around, you don't want to tempt her."

“Don’t give me any ideas.” I slid the phone into my pocket, grinning at them. “Is there something I can help with?”

"Don't you rather go sit outside and relax for a bit?" Reyes suggested, glancing towards the inviting patio. She gracefully crossed the kitchen to pick up a couple of jars lined up in the window bay. The jars, adorned with rustic bows, held a delightful arrangement of lilies and lavender, their soft purple, pink, and yellow hues peeking out from the surrounding greenery. I knew my mom had picked those. They were the perfect choice for Blanca’s dinner. “It will be just us for dinner and everything is arranged for tomorrow. You can rest upstairs if you wish.”

I shook my head, a smile forming on my lips. "No, I can help. I'll help you set the table."

With a nod, Reyes motioned for me to follow her into the dining room. She laid the jars in a console in the dining room. My eyes wandered over the walls, taking their time in every door frame and window they met; I couldn't help but glance outside, secretly hoping for a glimpse of him.

The aroma of the meal being prepared wafted into the dining room, mingling with the gentle scent of the flower arrangements. Laughter and the clinking of utensils echoed from the kitchen, where my mom and the girls continued their lively chatter while cooking.

So warm, so familiar. Like I’d never left.

The tablecloth was similar to one of my memories—carefully burnished to fall neatly over the edges of the sturdy wooden table. Reyes took the lead, picking up the plates and laying them down with precision on the table. It was just us for the night, the guests would arrive the next afternoon, after lunch. Then, at dinner, Blanca and Rodrigo would announce their engagement. My mom would help all day with the preparations. She can’t say no to a party. And Dad would enjoy the morning hunting. He’s one of those.

“You know, if it wasn’t so hot today, we would have dined outside,” Reyes commented, leaning over the back of one of the chairs, using her index finger to align two cups on the table. “Carlos wanted to have a barbecue tonight, but after this week I feel like we all need a homemade meal, something… proper.”

“We can save the barbecue for another day. Senior’s a master on the grill, after all. I can say I miss his cooking.”

Reyes turned on her heels, facing me. “I meant the younger one, actually,” she said. “He really wanted to make you some burgers. I don't know what you did to him last week, but…”

“Oh, just...” I began, my words trailing off as a familiar voice filled the room.

“The younger one? Talking about me?” Carlos's voice resounded through the room, echoing off the cool walls that provided us refuge from the scorching heat, now entering through the door he had left open behind him.

Caco entered after, waving as he crossed the door, phone glued to his ear. The door was kept open and the hot air rippled in, gently brushing against my bare arms. When I turned around, pretending that Carlos’ presence was just another ordinary occurrence and it didn’t affect me the slightest, I couldn't help but notice that he too was battling the heat.

Thick, damp hair clung to his temples and neck, his shirt slightly creased against his torso and back, marked by lines of sweat that clung to his skin, accentuating the contours of his muscles. And he hadn't shaved. The sight of him, the sound of his voice, and the casual way he navigated the distance from the table to kiss his mother's temple as if the house and the air we were breathing belonged solely to him made my heart skip a beat. It was impossible to deny that he had an aura. An ethereal glow.

“Mom, she’s a guest”, Carlos remarked, a slight smile gracing his lips as he draped his arm over his mother's shoulders. She kissed his cheek, her hand moving along his back. Up and down, and up again. A warm feeling spread through my chest, and a smile tugged at the corner of my lips. “Why are you making her work?”

With a soft smile, I replied, "I made myself work. I'd rather help."

"Had a feeling you would say that," he responded, closing the distance between us. Carlos leaned down, his lips gently pressing against each of my cheeks in a tender kiss. Our noses brushed against each other's as he made his way to kiss my other cheek. The gentle bump made me chuckle and I noticed it made him smile. His hand caressed my forearm, leaving behind a lingering warmth even as he pulled away. "How was the drive?”

“Quite an adventure, actually. Dad almost sent us down a hill.”

Carlos chuckled, shaking his head. “Sounds about right. That man needs a GPS, or a map, or something.”

"Or a couple of lessons from your old man," I pointed, making Reyes chuckle on the other side of the room. Dusty paw prints marked his trousers and he had a small scratch on his arm. "What happened there?"

"Oh, uh… Piñon," he replied, hastily brushing his hands against the fabric in an attempt to clean them. "I think he missed me.”

Before I had a chance to respond, Reyes swiftly crossed the room. The clack of her sandals made both of us turn her way. I couldn't help but suppress a laugh at her disapproving look, but Carlos looked genuinely puzzled by his mother's reaction. "What? It's the dog's fault."

"Come on! Dinner is almost ready, and you show up like this?" Reyes scolded, her voice carrying a mix of exasperation and amusement.

"Don't I have like… ten minutes to shower?" Carlos retorted. “We were in the field all afternoon. I would need a shower either way.”

"Five minutes. Not a minute less," Reyes affirmed, her tone firm yet laced with affection. "Por Díos, we have guests, Carlos."

Carlos shot me a playful wink before obediently heading off to freshen up, leaving me alone with Reyes in the dining room. Reyes gestured for me to take a seat at the table, her warm smile finally returning. "Make yourself comfortable, dear. Dinner will be ready shortly."

"Could I... refresh up before dinner, too?" As words left my mouth, I saw Carlos slow down until he stopped by the archway. "Since Carlos will delay dinner, anyway."

“"Well… I don’t see why not. Carlos will end you get settled in. Won’t you, Carlos?”

"Of course," he replied from afar. "The one next to Ana's, right?"

Reyes just nodded and turned on her heels, walking back to the kitchen. Waiting for me, not too far away, a Spanish man, with a beautiful smile and a godly glare.

The atmosphere seemed to shift the second our steps fell in sync. My small suitcase waited for me at the top of the staircase, right at the beginning of the hallway. The scent of aged wood and the soft glow coming through the small windows, casting funny patterns on the art pieces on the wall, welcomed us upstairs.

"We are making some renovations," he said, picking up my suitcase. "It's mostly done, I mean. For my sisters' weddings."

"I couldn't tell," I admitted, between the sound of our footsteps echoing softly against the walls. "Everything very much looks the same."

He smiled at me. “I know. Time doesn’t go by in here.” That smile, united with his tousled hair and the faint scent of his cologne fed something inside me. The light, so warm and bright, fell perfectly on his features. He looked pretty. Homey.

"You didn't shave."

"You said you like it when I keep it like this."

My eyebrow pointed up, "That's why?"

"I'll have to shave it for dinner, but... yes."

We reached a door at the end of the corridor, its aged wood marked with intricate carvings. The door before that one was Ana's room, and it held so many of my secrets, shared in the dark, between the covers and girly giggles. Carlos turned the worn brass handle and pushed the door open, revealing the cosy, inviting room I was used to. That, too, felt the same. Soft sunlight streamed in through a big window, casting warm hues over the wooden furniture and the plush bed adorned with a vintage quilt.

Not much decoration, just the basics for a guest.

"You said you'll have to shave for dinner?" I asked, standing outside.

Carlos had his hand on the handle and his eyes pointed at the inside of the room, probably waiting for me to move. But I wanted more time alone with him. Study him. In his home. In his ambience. Understand if he missed me as much as I missed him. Play this game of how much more time I can’t pretend I’m not desperate to touch him.

"My mom doesn't like it," his hand left the handle to caress his own cheeks. "Neither do my sisters, to be fair. I think you're the only one."

"Believe me, I am not," I replied, a playful smile tugging at the corners of my lips.

Carlos leaned against the doorframe, his eyes filled with curiosity as he soaked in our conversation. "Oh, really?" he inquired, a lopsided grin spreading across his face, a hint of mischief dancing in his eyes.

“Yes. A lot of people, actually.” When I noticed, my fingertips were up, extended to him, lingering on the roughness of his jawline. I’d lost my own game. "But my opinion should be enough.”

His gaze intensified, and his voice dropped to a husky whisper. "Oh, love, it is," he responded, his hand reaching out to gently touch mine.

“You can’t do that,” I whispered.

“What, exactly?”

“Call me that like that.”

“Do you blush like that when I call you love on the phone?” His tongue wandered across his lips and I raised my hand to my cheek. “Don’t bother to check, baby. Why would I lie?”

I stepped inside the room, both my hands on my cheeks, leaving both Carlos and my suitcase by the door. The mirror over the dresser confirmed his words. I shot him a glance, but he just stood there, arms crossed, leaning against the doorframe.

“Well,” I moved around. "Don't you want to show me around? Maybe enlighten me on how the faucets work or something like that? Make yourself useful… instead of mocking me.”

Carlos chuckled, the sound filled with warmth and familiarity. "You know this house probably as well as I do, Eva.”

"Well, with the renovations, I can't be so sure anymore..."

"Oh, the renovations," he mused, laughter tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Exactly. The renovations. What a terrible host, Carlos Sainz," I teased, playfully kicking off my sneakers. "I expected your mother to teach you better."

Pretending to take offence, he closed the distance between us. "Terrible host?"

"Yes. Absolutely terrible,” I emphasized, leaning closer to him, our faces mere inches apart. The air crackled with anticipation, and I could feel his warm breath against my skin.

"Well, how can I make myself useful, then?" Carlos's hands tightened their grip on my waist, pulling me closer until there was no space left between us. There was no need for pretense or hesitation. His anticipation matched my own, the way his eyes held mine told me exactly that. His voice turned husky when he spoke again, "What do you want?”

To burn down in anticipation, I wanted to tell him. To drown in the bittersweet feelings that his presence evoked in me, both threatening and soothing—the urge, the longing, the tug in my belly that told me I was beyond ruined. Once again, his tongue wandered through his lips.

"Could you please just—" I began, my voice trailing off as he finished the sentence, his lips hovering dangerously close to mine. The raw desire in his gaze set my senses ablaze, and I found myself leaning in, drawn inexorably toward him.

"Kiss you?" he finished, his breath ghosting over my lips.

The room fell silent as I held my breath, gaze locked with his. And then, I let it wander through his face, taking in every inch of his portrait, from the angle only I had access to. The freckles on his cheeks. The shadow of his eyelashes. The way his iris grew darker, as anticipation flooded his own senses. The droplets of sweat on the bridge of his nose. The way he pulled his lip between his teeth, as my eyes laid on them and travelled up again.

It was this that I needed from him. More than everything.

To be so close to the point of forgetting we were once apart.

With a whispered plea hanging on my lips, I nodded. "Yes, please.”

Carlos's breath hitched at my response, a mixture of anticipation and desire evident in his eyes. Without uttering another word, he closed the remaining distance between us, his lips crashing against mine with urgency. God.

The taste of him, the warmth of his mouth, the grip of his hands pulling me closer, holding me in place. Fingers burning against my skin. My hands instinctively found their way to his tousled hair, threading my fingers through the sweaty strands as I pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. The heat of his body against mine sent pulses of electricity through every nerve, heightening the intensity of our connection.

The room itself seemed to respond to the energy between us, the soft sunlight casting a warm glow that enveloped us in a cocoon of intimacy.

"Eva, I need a shower," he murmured, his lips tracing my jaw, meeting my neck, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine.

"Funny thing," my hands navigated to his nape, meeting the small droplets of sweat that had formed there. "Me too."

Carlos chuckled softly, “My room, then. Quick.”

The sound reverberated through me as he took my hand and led me towards the door. I only had time to pick up my suitcase before I was walking barefoot in the hallway, the warmth of the hardwood floors permeating my socks as I walked behind him, rushing through the corridor.

Once inside, he closed the door. The click of the latch echoed like a sealing promise and seconds after, my back was pressed to the door, his weight pressed against me and his lips travelling down my neck. A mix of nostalgia and passion hung in the air, as the walls themselves remembered the dreams of two teenagers, now fulfilled in their adult forms.

No posters on the walls. A couple of memorabilia here and there. Some photos. Totally different than I remembered. It seemed bigger, now, that I wasn’t looking through a small slit of the door, from the hallway. I think the memory made me laugh softly because I remember a small noise echoing in the room and then his voice following,

“What’s going on?” he asked.

"It's just funny," my laughter danced between us like a playful melody. "I'm finally in here."

He looked around, the smile never leaving his face. "My room?"

"The younger me would die to think of this, right now."

"Oh, imagine if she knew what I'm about to do with you," he said, lifting my shirt. I could see my breasts raise with my breathing, my tanned skin meeting the brim of my bra. He lowered his face to kiss the space between them.

A drip of sweat dripped down my neck to my chest. I looked down, whispering. "Shower." I indicated. And then, his lips were again against my neck. My jawline. "I'm gross.” My lips. “You’re gross.” My chin. ”And we have dinner.” My lips again. “They’re waiting.”

“And I’ve waited all week for this. They can wait twenty minutes.”

“Yeah, but my mom will come look for me,” I protested, even though my body was getting warmer.

"They’re distracted," he said, lifting my shirt over my head. "The…" He didn't finish his sentence. He was so busy trying to undo my bra that he forgot how to speak. He wasn't fast enough, though. His mouth was still gliding down my skin, the uneven stubble of his jaw grazing my smooth skin, but his fingers couldn't find their way. I helped him out, freeing myself of the black bra.

He paused, and then he took a step back, breathing deeply.

"Yeah," he exhaled, eyes on my chest. "This is happening.”

“I know,” I said, breathless. “That’s why we need to hurry.”

He was already taking off his sneakers and shirt as we walked to the bathroom door. My heart was pounding in my ears and my breath was coming faster. I forgot my tiredness and the fact that both our families were right there, just a staircase away.

The world ceased around us.

The glass of the shower was cool against my skin, and the tile of the bathroom floor was cold under my feet but when his lips found mine, my skin prickled with heat and I couldn't think about anything else but the way his tongue whipped into my mouth and how his hands slid down my back to pull me against him, trapping me against the glass divider of the shower stall and holding me there as if he had forgotten I needed air.

So urgent. So needy.

Desperate. Passionate. God. Carlos.

My hands were clumsy on his belt, pulling the leather without success. His hands fell over mine, heavy and warm, so big compared to mine. With a stronger thug and with the clink of the buckle, my way was freed.

He had to step away. The button. The zipper. And then he was undressing in front of me. His muscled kissed by the artificial yellow light of the bathroom. Swiftly, he came back to me, not even giving me time to admire him.

And God, how I wanted to.

I was feeling greedy, so greedy.

Shamelessly, my eyes drifted to the mirror in front of us. Our bodies seemed to be melting into one another. His back muscles flexed under his skin as he moved; drops of sweat slid along his back and disappeared into his boxers.

"The water," he pointed, undoing the button of my jeans and sliding them down my pants, as he knelt in front of me.

My hand searched blindly for the faucet, because this time I couldn't take my eyes off his tan shoulders, and the way his muscles responded with grace under skin stretched taut over them. His lips swooped down against my panties, feeling their elastic around my thighs. Without averting my eyes from him, I leaned forward to my right, my fingers finally meeting the cold iron surface. The water ran from the tap in a gush, ice cold, then cascading down, pooling on the marble floor with a splash that echoed in the room around us.

"In," he ordered, getting up and undressing his boxers.

I stepped into the shower, gasping. "It's freezing."

He followed me with two steps, his arm pressing against my back, trapping me against the glass again, this time on the other side. "That may be because you turned it to the wrong side, smartass."

I didn't see him change the faucet, but in a couple of seconds, the water ran warmer against our skin. He chuckled, his lips grazing my earlobe as his hands explored my waist. Our skin was already slick with sweat before the shower started, and now every inch of us was glistening under the artificial bathroom light. He looked like gold, tanned and carved into perfection. His fingers probed between my legs, arousing me further until I was biting my lip to keep from crying out. The droplets of water danced on my forehead.

And then he was pushing me against the cool tile, his hand finding my nipple and rolling it between his fingers. I gasped, biting his shoulder, and his other hand slid on my back, pushing me firmly against him.

"How is it possible that I miss you this much, uh?" He said, fingers now rubbing against my folds, his mouth whispering in my ear. My breath was coming out in shallow pants. "I'm so hard." His index and middle finger were inside me. Thumb pressed against my clit. Hearts beating against my chest. His and mine both. I pressed my head against his shoulder, my nails digging into his back.

"I missed you." I moaned, feeling my body tightening around his fingers. "I really did."

And I wasn’t talking about the previous week, anymore.

My eyes closed. His stubble was razing the skin of my neck as his lips moved to my earlobe, his tongue flickering over the right side of my neck. He tasted like mint and salt. Felt like heaven.

“You’re so hard,” I could feel it. Pulsating. Against my leg. Desperate. So close. “What if they…”

"They won't.” His teeth captured my earlobe between them. “We got time. Focus on me. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

I couldn't stop the shiver that ran through my body when his tongue reached my ear. I moaned against him, my hands gripping his shoulders. An emptiness hit me as his fingers slid from me, and I opened my eyes. His dark eyes glowed in the hazy fog that had gathered around us, and droplets of water flew over his showers and onto me. He glanced down admiringly at his wet fingers, coated with my arousal.

"D'you want to taste it?"

"No," I said, breathless. God, this man. On his knees, water running down his face. His lips glistened. His eyes glimmering. "I want you inside me."

His hand fisted my hair and his other hand grabbed my ass, fingers clawing my skin and pressing me against him. The desire to feel him inside me was maddening, taking over every part of me.

"Feisty."

"Thought that was a given."

The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile, "I'm well aware." One last peck on my lips, his voice raspy and low.

I closed my eyes and felt his hand guiding his hardness into me, damp tip meeting my folds, slowly and provocatively. It was so warm. He was everywhere. He was still kissing my skin as he slipped inside me. So tight, baby. So good. Filling me, inch by inch.

The cold tire against my back was the only thing that kept me from collapsing. I slumped over it, my hair spilling down my shoulders and chest. Carlos’ eyes dropped to my chest, and my eyes did the same. Water poured from his shoulders, meeting my belly and making my skin glisten.

And then he pulled out, his hands on my hips, keeping me steady. His eyes were on mine, the same dark depths that held me captive since I met him.

"You okay?"

"More than okay."

He smiled, flexing his hips, and then pushed back in, harder this time. I moaned, gripping his shoulders, my nails digging into his skin. I was lost in him. In the way he felt inside me, the way his voice sounded when loaded with lust and pleasure.

His name came out in a whisper. He didn't answer but he quickened his pace, digging his fingers into my hips and kissing me harder. I loved the feel of him getting harder inside of me with every thrust, and I loved hearing him breathe faster and louder each time he squeezed my hips, muffling moans that followed immediately after. I loved the sensation of the water raining on me. How the sound of his breath was turning into something that sounded suspiciously like a groan.

"Wait," I told him, between whispers and pants. Carlos stopped moving and looked at me, confusion etched into his features. "What's wrong?"

My skin was all shivers, my back was almost numb with the temperature of the tile. I only noticed how cold I was when the hot water fell on my shoulder again and dripped through my back.

"I think I'm just a bit cold," I whispered, mouth hovering over his.

"That's okay." Carlos' voice was soft, his hand sliding around my waist to the front of my body. One finger traced the outline of my nipple, back and forth, and I arched my back, pressing myself harder against him. His finger dipped inside my navel and I gasped, biting his lip. "Can we try something different?"

"Please."

"Here, then," he moved, pushing me with him closer to the water. The warmth relaxed my muscles and sent an overwhelming feeling over me. I let the water fall over me, as Carlos kissed my neck and shoulders. He was behind me, erection against my ass, hands on my waist, lips all over me.

My hands met the glass divider, warmer than the tile, but exactly as slippery. My hands searched for support as I folded forward. Water hit me right on the back, dripping down me like gold.

“Oh, God,” he uttered, hands firm on my ass, groping my cheeks and pulling them apart. His wet fingers travelled down my slit, slipping inside me again. My body fold even forward, elbows meeting the wall, ass pinned into him. "Every inch of you, baby. So pretty."

And then his hand was gone, replaced by his hardness again, rubbing against me, pressing against my entries, teasing me and making me whimper.

"Please," I begged, my fingers curled around the cold glass. My nails bit into my palms, the sensation unbearable, but incredibly wanton. "Please."

"Please what, baby?" I bet he was smiling when he pressed his thumb against my needy flesh.

"Please fuck me."

The words had just slipped out, and I didn't even realize it.

But it was okay. He knew what I wanted. And he would give it to me. Hard. Fast. And so deep that I would never be able to forget him again.

And then he was inside me, sudden and hard, and I cried out, my nails digging into the glass. I was so tight, I was almost choking him. He started moving, slowly at first and then picking up speed, and I reacted immediately, twisting around and meeting his thrusts. He muttered something in Spanish, in an accent so deep I couldn't understand his words, and I could feel my orgasm building, threatening to consume me.

"Please," I begged again, my voice trembling. "Make me come."

"C'mere," my body followed his voice, and my back meet his chest. He was smiling against my shoulder. He held me in place as he pounded into me, one hand wrapped around my neck, the other pushing down on my clit. I was shaking, my whole body quivering.

"You like this?"

"God. Yes." Words left my lips as my body was hit with waves of pleasure. Waves after waves of it. My toes curled. My stomach tightened. I'd forgotten how good it felt. How good he was.

"Go on, pretty girl," he said as his tongue flicked between my earlobe and the skin of my neck. His thrusts deepened and went faster, still without mercy, until they turned into a fury. I was feeling dizzy. Head elsewhere. Maybe from his grip on my neck or the heat in the room. Perhaps both."Cum for me."

"I'm so close," I whimpered. My hips swayed against him as I leaned back into his shoulders, arching my back. "I'm so close."

It was almost painful, really, how much I was enjoying this, how my body was responding to his touch, to his voice, to him. Go on. You're so pretty. You're so good.

"Oh, Carlos," I cried out, my head turning to his neck to rest on his shoulder, my hands flat against the glass. "Jesus—"

My childhood crush was making me cum in his childhood room. In his childhood home. And I was loving every second of it. I was coming in his arms, and I cried out loud for him. Pleasure tore through my body as he thrust into me, taking the breath from my body. My skin was covered in goosebumps, and my body was shaking uncontrollably.

Clit trobbing. Nerves about to snap.

I felt my muscles twitching around him, drawing groans and moans from his lips. He didn't stop moving, thrusting into me with more strength and power.

"Inside me," I said between moans and whimpers. "Cum inside me."

And then he did, slamming into me one final time and spilling himself inside me. I swore I saw stars. Felt everything. The way his body was shaking against mine. The way his heartbeat was thundering in my ears. The way he was still moving, still thrusting, still claiming me as his.

"You're mine," he told me, and I could hear the weariness in his voice. The way he was still holding me close to him.

When I turned to him, his eyes were closed still. His hands didn't move away from my skin and he embraced me, holding me there.

He was right. I was his. And I belonged there.

And it was natural. It was easy.

"I am," I whispered, eyes closed, my body trembling and weak.

"Oh, my good girl." Carlos' lips slanted over mine in a slow kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth. My body leaned against his, completely and utterly at his mercy. "You're so pretty. Have I told you that?"

"Hm... I don't think you have, actually."

"Well, you are. Every inch of you," he said, smiling, his hands moving to my shoulders, then to my neck. "Should have told you that sooner."

"In all honestly, you should've done a lot of things sooner."

He shrugged, kissing me again. "Don't you think?" I said, my lips touching his neck. "Don't you think you should’ve kissed me that night during my... what? 16th birthday party?"

He laughed. "Maybe."

"Or, I don't know, when you got that fourth place in Adu Dhabi and hugged me like never before?"

Once again, he laughed, turning around to pick up the shampoo. "Maybe."

"Maybe is not the answer I'm looking for," I said, raising my head to look at him.

"Why didn't you?"

"I think Rio would have killed me. Or your dad. One of the other, for sure."

"So…” I teased, the corner of my lips tugging up as his eyebrows drew closer. “You were a chicken?"

"Yeah, that's one of the reasons." He opened the bottle of shampoo. "Turn around."

I turned and leaned my back against him so he could wash m hair. "One of?" I said, ducking my head under the water. "What's the other one?

His hands began washing my hair with long strokes. "I've told you. I didn't think I could give you what you needed."

"But you had girlfriends."

"I did." His hands began washing my hair. "But they weren't you."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means that I could have fucked it up and I wouldn't be failing you. I could fail. I could not be a good boyfriend because I wouldn't be your bad boyfriend." His hands were massaging my scalp, making my eyes close in utter bliss.

He finished washing my hair and rinsed it before turning me around to face him. His brown eyes were softened as he looked into mine. I watched Carlos in silence, my eyes tracing the shape of his face, the subtle lines of his jaw and his lips, which were still curved in a soft smile.

"And now?" I asked softly. "You think you are?"

He shook his head slowly and sighed. "No," he said, his voice low. "But I know you have a different opinion."

"We still have time to figure that part out, right?"

"We do," he said. "We have not much time until someone comes to call us for dinner, though."

"Yeah. Right." I gave him back the shampoo. "Please, tell me you have a good body wash."

"I'm not a savage, DiMaggio."

"You're a racing driver, Sainz,” he snorted. "That's almost the same."

                                                        * 

2022, 29th August

Unveiling the Victors and Underdogs: Reflecting on the 6 Hours of Fuji

by James Anderson, Motorsport Commentator

In the fast-paced world of endurance racing, it takes something truly extraordinary to capture the attention of fans and fellow competitors alike. At the 6 Hours of Fuji, one driver accomplished just that, proving that age is no barrier to success and talent knows no bounds. Eva DiMaggio, the rising star of DAR Racing, made waves throughout the weekend, leaving an indelible mark on the race and the hearts of racing enthusiasts worldwide.

From the very start, the odds seemed stacked against DiMaggio. Forced to step in during the first practice session due to her teammate Matteo Serra's unexpected bout of food poisoning, she had to adapt quickly to the demanding Fuji Speedway. But adapt she did, showcasing her innate skill and lightning-fast reflexes with a couple of impressive laps during practice. The whispers began to circulate throughout the paddock, and everyone took notice.

As the race commenced, it became abundantly clear that DiMaggio was a force to be reckoned with. Her fearless overtakes in the Ferrari 488 GTE Evo were a sight to behold, displaying a level of confidence and determination beyond her years. She fearlessly navigated through the field, inching closer to the podium with every passing lap. The chemistry between driver and machine was undeniable, as if they were in perfect sync, dancing their way through the twists and turns of Fuji Speedway.

DAR Racing's decision to extend DiMaggio's stint proved to be a stroke of genius. She continued to push herself and the car to the limits, defying expectations at every turn. As the checkered flag waved, DiMaggio and her team celebrated a hard-fought fourth-place finish, a significant achievement considering the challenges they faced throughout the weekend. Their jubilation may have gone unnoticed in the immediate aftermath, as the attention turned to the traditional podium ceremony. But fate had one last surprise in store.

As Corvette Racing, in second place, was disqualified from the race, it was DAR Racing and Eva DiMaggio who were propelled into an unexpected third-place finish in the LMGTE Am class. The garage erupted with joy and pride as the realization sank in—their tireless efforts had paid off, and they stood on the podium as a testament to their resilience and unwavering spirit.

Beyond her impressive performance on the track, what struck me most about Eva DiMaggio was her infectious smile and genuine warmth. Throughout the weekend, she effortlessly engaged with fans, fellow drivers, and teams, leaving a lasting impression. It was heartwarming to witness drivers from different categories flock to congratulate her after the podium ceremony, recognizing her remarkable achievements and undeniable potential.

At just 25 years old, Eva DiMaggio has already made a great step to make a name for herself in the world of motorsports. DiMaggio’s performance in EuroCup and Formula 4, as well as her victory at the Ferrari Challenge Europe in 2022, showcased her talent and versatility. And while Fuji marked her first time in a car after that triumph, it certainly won't be her last. Once again, DiMaggio got the chance to showcase her ability to step up when needed and perform under pressure. I wonder what she can do with proper training and preparation.

Eva DiMaggio has undoubtedly established herself as a force to be reckoned with, both on and off the track. Her relentless pursuit of excellence, combined with her natural talent and infectious spirit, sets her apart as a driver destined for greatness. As we applaud her achievements at Fuji, we eagerly await the next chapter in her extraordinary journey, eager to witness the continued rise of this young motorsport sensation.

Thought a little pick-me-up would help after today's race, so I really tried to finish the chapter today! It's 11 pm and I'm super sleep deprived, so I'm sorry if you find a typo here and there, but I didn't revise as many times as I should've. I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting for so long but life's been crazy. Can't promise when the next one is coming, but the story is not finished yet! It will come! Also: thank you so much for all the messages, comments and reblogs. You are amazing. If you want to be tagged when the next chapter is published, let me know! As always, sending you all the love!

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

🪓 Nerdy Prudes Must Die - Some Thoughts 🪓

I decided to rewatch NPMD (second day in a row 🙈) and wanted to write down some random thoughts and reactions because why the fuck not 😌

‼️ SPOILERS FOR NPMD BELOW ‼️

I loved this show from the second it started omg I love things about murder 🤭

“Riiiiichie… Riiiiiichie…” — kind of gave off IT vibes ngl

They really killed off Jon Matteson’s nerd character in the first 35 seconds 💀

“They twisted his nipples off 🤣” - WHY WAS HE SO HAPPY ABOUT IT

THE PROJECTION OF THE TITLE IN THE VICTIM’S BLOOD, STARKID HAD HELLA BUDGET FOR THIS SHOW 🙌🏻

“🎵I’m dead…the blood is arbitrating from my head🎵” needs to become a trending TikTok sound or something oh my fucking gOD

LAUREN YOU QUEEN 🙌🏻👏🏻 also living for that fucking wig

MARIAHHHHHHH 🎵❤️

Definitely felt the “High School is Killin’ Me” “I’m so fucking dead” in my soul even though I’m a full ass adult now

“I was deep in a Twitter fight about a problematic puppy” ROFL OMFG

Joey as Peter Spankoffski 😭👏🏻

ANGELA AS GRACE CHASITY HELL FUCKIN YEAH SHE IS EATING THIS PART UP

We all knew someone at school who snitched to the teachers lbh 💀

“So you don’t wanna be bullied?” “No, I wanna be invisible.” “…then why do you come to public school dressed in suspenders and a fucking bow tie?” - PLEAAAASE 💀🤣

MICRO-PETER 😂💀

Joey taking off his glasses and going “oh god” under his breath, “IT’S NOT ACTUALLY A MICROPENIS”… oh he ATE the role, R*bert who?!?

“My titties are tenderised” - I MEAN SAME BUT-?!?

“I didn’t know you were funny.” “Neither did I.” “I like funny guys.” — I AM SORRY BUT IM ALREADY SHIPPING HARD

Actually obsessed with Richie’s hair and outfit like I can’t explain it other than I’m obsessed

IT’S MAX JÄGERMAN

“Ohh well there’s a difference between intent and impact - I learnt that at an anti bullying assembly last month, FUCK NUGGET” took me off guard tbh like I know I’m tired and easily surprised but still 🤭

GRACE CHASITY PROTESTING THE CO-ED HOMECOMING DANCE I CANNOT-

Jägerman is literally the archetype of the school bully jock who peaked in high school like omg but also he’s into Grace?!?!

“I run laps in the gym and I don’t want to slip on any SPUNK” - FUCKING HELL

“Can I carry your books for you?” “Carry my books? 🤢 I don’t think either of us are ready for that, I mean we’re only 18!”

“My little dirty girl.” — 😳😲😮‍💨

“I am only one man’s girl, Max, and his name is Jesus Christ!” — IM FUCKING HOWLING ANGELA KILLED THE DELIVERY OF THAT LINE I CANT-

“I’m a literal monster!” - oh so Max is self aware then 🤔

“This is politics, Stephanie 🙄 learn to multitask!”

I love that Starkid keep casting Corey as Mariah’s dad?!?

Stephanie is apparently her father’s “October surprise”… so her birthday is in October, like Hannah Foster’s? 🤔

“Stephanie, please, I’d like to have an intelligent conversation with you - in other words, shut up” - DAMN WHAT A BURN

NOOO NOT HER PHONE 😰 (I am also addicted to my phone so I get it lol)

NOT STEPHANIE THROWING HER HAND BETWEEN HER PHONE AND THE HAMMER OMFG (same though)

Mayor Lauter really said “I don’t give a shit if you lie, steal or cheat to get your grades up, just don’t get caught” - spoken like a true politician

“How am I supposed to study without listening to Spotify?!?” probably should not have resonated with me like it did 🤭

Peter trying to make a joke and Richie and Ruth not getting it is so relatable tbh

I’m obsessed with Ruth’s mushroom jumper tbh

“I just want someone to touch me… anyone, PLEASE” — ROFL (same girl)

“What was it like when she touched your arm?… DID YOU CUM?!?” — 💀💀💀💀

“You and Steph, it’s a fantasy - like a boy and his anime love pillows. It’s a beautiful dream, but I’ll never hold the real Rei or Asuka in my arms.” — I AM PISSING MYSELF LAUGHING JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

“I’m such a loser, telemarketers hang up on me” 💀😭

DID RICHIE JUST FUCKING SAY “NANI!” JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I CANT DEAL WITH THIS SHOW 🤣

Richie and Ruth climbing Pete like a tree and demanding to know what Stephanie is saying is so ridiculously funny 😆

“Really, Ruth? A Star Wars analogy? Need I go into why Attack on Titan is superior in every possible way?” — STARKID UNDERSTAND THE NERDS I LOVE IT

“You’re telling me I gotta be funny again?!? I didn’t do it on purpose the first time!”

“Pete, you’ve been given a once in a lifetime opportunity - someone’s willing to tolerate your presence for a whole evening! This may never happen again!” — damn wish that would happen to me 😭🙈

Not Pete getting a boner during “Cool as I think I am” 🙈

Nooooo not Max finding Pete before he could go into the restaurant to meet Stephanie 😭

“I’m sick of your ssshhhhit!” — YES PETEY STAND UP TO HIM

The fact Max said “Rendezvous” as “Randay-Voose” 💀

The way it transitioned from “say your prayers” to the Chasity family going “AMEN” was PERFECTION

Grace’s father referring to his wife as “mother” is…something 💀

“He came up to me in the hallway and he asked if he could carry my books.” “Oh, Mark - I didn’t know that sort of thing happened at Hatchetfield High! Do you think you should call the boy’s father?” — ?!?!?!

“Mom, will you pass the butt stuff? The butter. Butter. Will you pass the butter? (Chuckles nervously) I just want some head and butter. BREAD! Bread! Bread and butt-sex to go with this big shaft of meat I’m gonna choke down. Oh boy…oh criminy!” - THE SCREECH I GAVE WAS UNHOLY

“I’ve just got some butterflies in my tummy; and they’re flying REAL low today” 😭💀🙈

GRACE FANTASISING ABOUT MAX IN THE BATH I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

“Brewing up a big ol’ pot of dirty girl soup” - ABSOLUTELY NOT 💀

HES FUCKING SHIRTLESS WHAT THE FUCK-

“Everyone’s got their secrets, and this one’s mine. I love… Jesus! 😃” - this was when I definitely knew she was fantasising because ain’t no fucking way-

WAS THE DIRTY GIRL SONG SUPPOSED TO BE VIEWED AS HOT BECAUSE I AM VERY FLUSTERED AND CONFUSED AND TOTALLY VIBING WITH THE TUNE

🎵 DIRTY DIRTY GIRL WON’T YOU PRAY FOR ME🎵

You see, if Christian parents didn’t repress their teenager’s hormones and sexuality then MAYBE their teenagers wouldn’t resort to murder 🙃

Grace’s dad saying he’s going to get the plunger when she said she was doing a big poop 😭💀

Grace really thinks that impure thoughts only happen after marriage and I almost envy her innocence

“Money isn’t everything… looks are.” - yeah no that about sums people up in this day and age 😑

“We thought you were waifu material, but you’re just a bully” — NOT WAIFU MATERIAL 💀

PETE’S BLACK EYE NOOOO 😭🥺

Grace is kind of a psychopath and I’m loving that for her tbh

“I’m not comfortable with the plan if it involves that kind of language” but she’s comfortable with filming someone getting terrified and pissing their pants 💀

The “the place is not structurally sound” comment was DEFINITELY foreshadowing

“I get pus in my pits!” Jesus ☠️

🎵🤌🏻we’re gonna bully the bully🤌🏻🎵

“We’re gonna cut off his nips!” - what is with the obsession with n!pples in this show 😳

I’M SORRY BUT THIS IS ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WHEN THEY TALKED ABOUT KEEPING THE BEANS COOL

“You’re like super nice to me 😀” “…not really. I’m just doing the bare minimum here.” “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” “Oh, that’s sad!” — 😂😅🤣

“Okay, Richie, be honest… Am I reading as ghost or Lin Manuel Miranda” — OH FUCKING GOD IM CACKLING

“You kinda look like that homeless guy from downtown” 💀 FOURTH WALL BREAK?!?

Max must be VERY drunk because ain’t no way he thought Pete was a ghost or Ruth was actually a skeleton 💀

“Grace, we gotta abort the plan, it’s not working!” “It’s working for me, he’s so violent! 😍”

Not Max actually being touched by them putting this whole thing together for him 💀 very much giving off himbo vibes and I love him for that

MAX FELL THREE STOREYS

Oh my GOD THE FUCKING MAKE UP ON MAX FOR HIS DEATH SCENE HOLY SHIT

“NERDY! PRUDES! MUST! DIE!” — oh hey it’s the name of the show! 😃 And also it was written on the wall in… oh 😳

“I did get a lot of incriminating footage of us luring him here with malicious intent!” - uh oh

“My god! We’re going to jail! And with my luck, no one will even bother making me their bitch!” — PLEASE 💀

“It wasn’t murder, and it wasn’t an accident… it was an act of God! 😇” - Grace is UNHINGED

“No more tickling in our mommy spots!” - OUR WHAT SPOTS?!?

“🎵🤌🏻 We’re gonna bury the body! 🤌🏻🎵”

“Oh no she’s snapping again”

“I just cut off his nips 😌” - again with the nips?!?

DAN AND DONNA 😃😃😃

“Two weeks of heartache” - cut to all of his classmates happy without his influence 💀

STEPH PASSED THE TEST! 😃

“Ya know, this is really your C+.” “Oh Steph… you can keep it. It’d really bring down my GPA.”

Steph asking Pete out to the football game 🥹😁 we love to see it!

GO GO NIGHTHAWKS! 😃🦅 (I know it’s an eagle emoji there’s no hawk emoji 🙈)

“N, I-G, H-T… *squawk squawk* Ks!” 👏🏻🙌🏻

Richie is the team mascot and they wanted/needed him in the huddle 🥹

They apologised for bullying him 😭👏🏻

“And we’d like to apologise in advance for if Max ever comes back, ‘cause we’ll probably go right back to doing it”

“Fuck Clivesdale! Fuck ‘em straight to hell! Assholes!” — AGREED! 👏🏻

I’m 90% sure Jon actually struggled with taking that mascot top off but it worked well with the scene so 😌

“I love being alive! 😃” — oh he’s so about to fucking die, isn’t he?

IT’S MAX CALLING FOR RICHIE HES BACK FROM THE DEAD

MAX’S COSTUME/MAKE UP IS AMAZING OH MY GOD 😌💅🏻

“Should’ve joined the smoke club you nerdy prude” — ANOTHER SMOKE CLUB REFERENCE

Every song on this soundtrack fucking slaps I LOVE IT

There’s not very many men that can pull off being absolutely absolutely fucking terrifying while dancing and singing across the stage but Will Branner managed it so kudos to him

The bit where Richie was repeating what Max said (“who will pray for me? When I’m gone?”) was INSANELY GOOD

“What did they find? You don’t say…you don’t say!” “What’d they find, dad?” “They didn’t say” - 💀

“Oh heck… I’m so hecking fudged”

“*relieved* Oh well we don’t know anything about that one!” “Or ANY one!”

“Maybe it’s a coincidence. People tell me to die every day!” — Okay why is Ruth kind of me 😭

THE FUCKING CAMEOS IN “HATCHET TOWN” ASDFGHJKL?!?! ZIGGY?! MAN IN A HURRY?!? GERALD MONROE?!?

“Ohhh I remember before the lockdown” - yeah me too 😅

THE BARBECUE MONOLOGUES GOT ME HOLLERING 💀

Ruth walking onto the stage and into the spotlight 🥺 literally she was me this whole scene omg I relate so hard to most of what she said ASDFGHJKL

Lauren ATE that song up by the way

MAX KILLED HER BY WEDGIE-ING HER IN TWO AND THEN PUT THE PANTS OVER HER HEAD WHAT THE FUCK MAX 😭

Him telling her to “project” so those in the back row could hear her triggered me so bad as an actor omg 😳

Grace really accusing the entirety of Clivesdale 💀

As soon as the WWJD bracelet was brought up I KNEW what was going on 😭

“Who’s plan was it, Grace?” “It was God’s plan! And now he’s leaving me out to dry! Do something, you son of a bitch!” 💀😅🤣

Grace has lost her fucking SHIT and I fully support that for her

“Show Me Your Hands” musical refrain?!

BEANIES?!? PAUL AND EMMA?!? 😭😭😭 ITS FUCKING PAUL AND EMMA I CANNOT-

“Cup of roasted coffee” refrain too?!?

PAUL GAVE EMMA HIS NUMBER 😭❤️

PAUL + EMMA IN EVERY SINGLE TIMELINE, EVERY SINGLE UNIVERSE-

“EXCUSE ME I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE FIVE FUCKING YEARS AND I STILL HAVE NOT RECIEVED MY GODDAMN HOT CHOCOLATE” 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀😂😂😂😂😂 I FUCKKING CANT IM DONE

🎵”Don’t need a lover boy need a lover man / sure I’m a sapiosexual and you’re intellectual but I’ll cut my lover losses when I can” 🎵 — this song goes so hard omg

Grace pushing between them and shouting “leave room for Jesus!” 💀

“Do we need to get ahold of Ruth?” “Good luck getting ahold of her. Does your phone pls cover calls to hell?” “…Hell?” “She’s bisexual and dead, where else would she be?!?” — 💀

Grace whipping out the gun and telling Steph to cool her beans was so iconic of her

“(Canadian accent) ‘Cause if I’m going down, you hosers comin’ with me, eh” — OH MY FUCKING GOD

Doesn’t shock me a cop would arrest Paul for zero fucking reason, fuck the police 💀

“All I wanted was to be a regular girl with no sexual desire until she was safely married 😭” the FUCK-

“Don’t comfort her, she’s fuckin’ weird” 💀

“I don’t give a shit who you kill - but you just had to go and do it in that house, didn’t you?” — Mayor Lauter really said “murder is fine but NOT in that specific house, you fucking idiots”

THE LORDS IN BLACK?!? 😃 WIGGLY AND BLINKY AND POKEY AND NIBBLY AND TINKY?!?!? FUCK YEAAAAHH

“She gave me head in her car - check it out!” *throws Miss Tessburger’s head onstage* — BRO THE FUCK

WELP I GUESS MAYOR LAUTER IS DEAD THEN?!?

“Detective Shapiro, are you a woman of faith?” “Catholic.” “I’ll take that as a no” — THE FUCK GRACE 😑

They’re really about to summon five otherworldly entities who are evil I’m-

The Summoning screams CRACK and I’m living for it

“Hello Fwendy-Wends” - SCREAMING LITERALLY FUCKING SCREAMING

“WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR PHONE” TOOK ME OUT ASDFGHJKL

SHE CHERISHES PETE 😭

“Pay the price or fuck off” 💀

Can I just say that I need would love a show specifically just about the Lords in Black fucking about and it’s Jon the whole time as Wiggly exactly as he was during the Summoning scene because that was AMAZING IM SHAKING-

The fact Pete cherishes Steph and she cherishes him oh my hEART 😭

“Hey Steph, if things were different, would you wanna come to homecoming with me?” “I’d like that, Pete. I’d really like that.” - SHUT THE FUCK UP NO 😭😭😭

Not Max saving Pete from being shot 💀

“So you do know the Bible!” — GRACE OMG IM SCREECHING HELP

“But Jesus never threw a football like you, Max” - WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

Max being confused about what dirty girl soup is and then being turned on when she explains 😭💀

“Take me, Max, right here on the 50 yard line!” — oh dear gOD

Max’s struggle over whether to kill Steph and Pete or whether to bang Grace omfg 😭😅

THE NOISES OFF STAGE OMFG WTAF 😭💀😂😅🤣

Grace got Max kicking his feet, twirling his hair, after one shag, just like a teenage girl 💀 I’m crying so hard with laughter I can’t cope with it-

GRACE GAVE HIM HER CHASTITY AND SACRIFICED WHAT SHE CHERISHED MOST ASDFGHJKL

PETE AND STEPHANIE AT HOMECOMING TOGETHER ASDFGHJKL ✨T H E M ✨

Grace choosing not to get the dance cancelled and she brought a date?!? That’s character development! 😀

She let Jason walk her home?!? O_o and then asked him to kiss her?!?!

“That was… absolutely disgusting! Really, Jason?!? Kissing on the first date?!?” Oh noooo 💀

“You’re a dirty perv, Jason”

SHES GOT THE FUCKING BLACK BOOK IS SHE SUMMONING THEM AGAIN

🎵DIRTY DUDES MUST DIE🎵

Well thIS TOOK A FUCKING TURN DAMN

Anyway, 11/10, immaculate, amazing, incredible, show-stopping, would recommend to everyone of course and will definitely be rewatching it a LOT 🪓

[kyojurismo]

"i decided to open reqs again—" I SAW THAT. (not but srsly i've been wanting to send a reqs to u)

i've never request anything to u so idk if this is the right way to do it lmao but can i like, request a headcanon for soft x mean dynamic with fem!reader x katsuki? i would like it to be sfw, thx!<3

character : katsuki bakugo

tags : fem!reader, fluff, bkg is a meanie ( but not towards r ), last year of high school at UA, not proofread.

notes : hi nani !! you requested my babygirl katsuki ^_^ i hope i got the dynamic right btw — if not pls tell me, alright. plus plus, i’m sorry if it’s short ): i hope you’ll like it anyway <3

katsuki looks like a deadly beast . . . while you just sit there next to him, calm and collected, and smile apologetically for his behaviour. he barks and he bites. but behaves when it comes to you, he’s super sweet to be honest.

katsuki can go from “die, dumbass!” to “what were you saying, baby?” in an instant. he hates if others take advantage of your kindness, he stands behind you like a dark shadow scaring whoever is messing with his girlfriend. the scene is hilarious ngl.

“do my homework, nerd,” you look at the guy. “i can’t help today, i’m sorry,” you truly apologise! but then bakugo is right behind you, throwing daggers at that guy that apologises and runs away. you then turn around and smile at your boyfriend, “hi ‘tsuki!” and all the scary demeanour disappear as his red eyes meet yours. “gonna kill those damn extras one day,” he spits with venom as he glances at the group. “no, you won’t.”

you’re genuinely the only one who doesn’t receive harsh comments, insults and threats from him. no one knows how you two got together in the first place, since you’re totally different.

“the hell you’re looking at, dipshit?!” he stares down at whoever glances for more than two seconds at your hands together and you turn to look at said person to apologise for his behaviour.

listen i had to bc i know he would overthink it

“aren’t you tired?” he gently caresses your hair while your eyes are focused on your book. “a bit, but i wanna read how it goes,” you confess with a soft laugh. “no i mean… of dating me,” at his words you turn your head and meet his eyes. “not really, i like being with you. you’re kind and care deeply about those you love, i’m glad to be part of that group of people. i must confess you’re too loud sometimes, but we can work on it… if you plan to stay with me, of course,” you finish with a smile as you tilt your head to the side, pushing your cheek against his warm palm. “hm, right. come here,” he then pulls you closer and kiss your lips while caressing your face.

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

ArShi TS: Open Secret [2/3]

Word Count: ~2000 words

Prompt by @ruminationsofaraven​

What if all the secrets are revealed during the Holi segment? Can you write about the dynamic shift in the characters and how this would affect the Raizada parivaar in this phase of their lives.

Read part 1

Shyam had intended to color Khushi all along. If only Arnav hadn’t come in between… but for how long? What if the next time Arnav wasn’t around? Then? 

The thought sobered Payal up more than the lemon pickles. Them hiding Shyam’s true colors was a mistake. That man had no intention of changing, his disgust on Khushi being married was evident and so was his desperation to get to Khushi one way or the other.

Oh what had they done! For Payal’s marriage they had all put Khushi’s safety at stake. What if Khushi wasn’t married into the family, what if he had blackmailed Khushi to ensure the safety of Payal’s marriage? 

Khushi’s marriage, more of an elopement, was a blessing in disguise because Payal’s marriage to Akash had just been the leverage Shyam could have used against the Guptas. Especially Khushi.

No, Akash had to know the truth. 

Payal composed herself and head to her bedroom to find a stony faced Akash, a devastated Nani and an enraged Manohar. 

What was going on? 

– – – – – – – – – – –

“What is going on!” Manohar yelled, quieting Manorama with his rare rage as the rest of the family flinched in the living room. Shyam sweated profusely, Khushi blinked in confusion and Arnav was just sobering up. 

“Mama ji-” Shyam began but Manohar stopped him in his place with a look. 

What the hell… 

Anjali sat next to Khushi, holding her hand tightly. Khushi’s attention was diverted to the quivering pregnant woman. 

“Bitwa, please calm down. Anjali bitiya-” Nani began, trying to reign in her son’s temper. Anjali was expecting and she was of faint heart. God forbid if she followed her mother’s footsteps then Devyani would have no will to live at all. 

“How long has this been going on?” Akash asked Shyam, his anger barely in check. When Shyam feigned innocence, Akash rolled his eyes and took Khushi’s phone from Mama ji. 

“Di, I’m really sorry. But you should read the texts that your husband sends out to your sister in law.” Arnav stood up, realizing Akash had figured out what he had. He grabbed the phone from Akash’s hands, stopping him from handing it over to Anjali.

Anjali wouldn’t be able to bear the truth. 

“Akash, leave it.” Arnav warned. Akash froze, Arnav knew. 

“Bhai… how can I leave it? The whole house has a right to know, especially Di-” Shyam paled at the conflict between the cousins. Shit. They knew. But how much? And what perspective? 

If Akash thought what Arnav thought, then Khushi and Payal would be kicked out from the house and everything would work in his favor. 

But Anjali looked strangely calm. Perhaps she wouldn’t believe her cousins. Shyam formulated a plan, he would beg for forgiveness and talk about the way Khushi came onto him. That’s how the Gupta sisters are. Payal grabbed Akash at the first chance and when Khushi couldn’t get Arnav, she and her family latched onto the very married Shyam. 

This would make perfect sense. 

And Garima would never speak to the family - he knew it by her fear of Payal’s broken wedding! 

Anjali stood up and grabbed the phone from her brothers, reading aloud the text message from Shyam. 

“Dear Khushi ji, it’s time to bury the hatchet at this wonderful festival, isn’t it? I miss you, and I still love you. Trust me, Rani Saheba means nothing to me. Yours, Shyam” Anjali’s voice shook. Khushi panicked, disgusted at the text message. She should’ve never given the man another chance. Rather, she should have buried him alive the minute she had got to know the truth. 

He wouldn’t stop. He never would. It was her biggest mistake to have kept it quiet for the sake of Payal’s marriage. But speaking of Payal, where was she? 

Arnav yanked Khushi by the arms, his eyes bloodshot in rage. 

“How dare you-”

“Chote!” Anjali pulled Khushi away from Arnav’s grip - which left bruises on Khushi’s arms, as always. 

“Di?” Arnav asked in disbelief. 

“This is a lie…” She pointed to the text, “or half of the truth. We don’t know everything. I’m sure there’s a misunderstanding.” Anjali begged her brother. 

Oh Anjali and her false hopes.

“Exactly Rani Saheba, this is not what you think it is.” Shyam, finally, opened his mouth. The whole family glared at him except Anjali. Phew, that meant his lottery ticket still believed in him. 

“No Di, I know her. She’s a disgusting gold digger woman with no character-” Khushi stared at Arnav in disbelief. That is what he thought about her? Is that why he married her? But what about their heartbeats? How was he able to give her so much happiness and so much pain at once? The ground slipped beyond her feet as vicious, vile words spilled out of Arnav’s mouth. 

“Bhai-”, “Bitwa-” Akash and Manohar tried to stop Arnav but in fail. 

“ENOUGH!” Payal screamed, her family in tow. 

This was worse than she had imagined. Akash, Manohar and Devyani gave her a chance to tell the truth and she rushed home to bring back Garima and Madhumati to corroborate their version of events. But all they walked into was Khushi’s character assassination. 

How did this happen? It was Shyam who sinned, correct? 

“You’re happy hiding the truth na Amma?” Payal accused Garima, tears pricking her eyes. Madhumati on the hand just stormed off into the living room, her blood pressure rising through the roof. 

Shyam remained quiet, the situation was incredibly volatile and he needed to assess everyone’s tonality before he could give a fitting reply to save his place. But his demeanor slipped looking at Madhumati raging like a bull towards him. 

She paused, switching glares between him and Arnav. Interesting, who would she hit first? By the looks of it… Arnav was the target. 

Instead she grabbed Khushi’s wrist and pulled her away. 

“What are you doing?” Devyani asked. 

“Well this house does not respect my niece, so I’m taking her away from here.” Madhumati announced, pulling a frozen Khushi along.

“Respectwa? Hello hi bye bye, since when have we started respecting these kind of women?” Manorama sneered. 

“Enough!” Payal snapped, tearfully she looked at Akash, “Akash, when I thought you, Papa ji and Dadi ji gave me a chance to bring my family along I thought you were giving the truth a chance. But I see you’ve all already laid judgment - especially jethji.” Arnav frowned. 

“There is no other truth, Payal,” Arnav warned her, holding his sister tight. 

“How do you know that Arnav?” Arnav stiffened as Anjali’s soft, yet firm voice broke through the tension. 

“How do you know everything?” Anjali whispered.

“Exactly saale sahab-” Shyam agreed, “No one’s talking to you Shyam ji,” Anjali said, freezing Shyam. What did that mean? Did Anjali know the truth? How? 

“All you have is Shyam ji telling he loves Khushi, what do you know about what she feels?” Anjali questioned. Arnav balked at his sister’s calm questioning. Where was the anger? Where was the rage? This was her life!

“I’ve not seen anyone ask Khushi what the truth is.” Anjali left Arnav and held Khushi. Madhumati let her go, stunned that out of all people to show rationality it was Anjali. 

“What is the truth Khushi ji, tell me? You’ve already tried telling me once, haina?” Khushi finally broke out of her thoughts, staring at Anjali in confusion. 

Anjali smiled amidst her tears, holding Khushi’s cheeks gingerly, “It’s ok, this time I wouldn’t pretend to fear for my husband’s life.” The whole house fell quiet as Khushi broke into sobs, hugging the other woman tightly. 

– – – – – – – – – –

Anjali had laughed at everyone when they learned Khushi’s fiance was Shyam too. But the laughter quickly faded when she saw the ring on Khushi’s hand to be exceedingly similar to Shyam’s taste and the engagement ring he had selected for Anjali. 

Or when Motilal met Anjali again, laughing how Shyam was buying two rings for Anjali - he must be making up for a crime! 

Anjali’s suspicions solidified when the day she formally introduced Shyam and Khushi, Khushi’s engagement broke and she had come over the next day, tearfully trying to tell her the truth.

She thought all was well with Shyam paying attention to her, Arnav and Khushi’s growing attraction to each other, and Shyam’s joy over her safety when she returned from the accident. 

But one look at Holi and she knew her husband hadn’t stopped chasing Khushi, in fact he had only grown bolder, more dangerous. 

– – – – – – 

The house was quiet as Khushi was done with her version of events - from Lucknow to Delhi. 

“She’s lying!” Shyam cried, but this time Madhumati held his wrist in a menacing grip to let this man escape. 

“Lying? We have the whole of Lakshminagar to confirm your dalliance in our house!” Payal seethed. Garima closed her eyes, the errors of her judgment clear.  

“Hello hi bye bye, actions so down yet voice so louds?” Manorama scoffed at Shyam. Unbelievable! Any emotion, any tears, anything she felt for her beloved damaad disappeared in an instant. Manohar consoled the distraught Devyani but Manorama sought strength from Anjali’s strength. 

If her darling niece didn’t break down from the truth - she would not either. She slipped away from the crowd, calling her police contacts to file an FIR for everything Shyam had done. Attempted bigamy to stalking, siphoning funds off Anjali’s account to continuous harassment of Khushi.

Someone over here had to be practical.

“If you had only asked me,” Khushi asked Arnav, distraught that he hadn’t even liked her enough to ask. Not even asked. He had simply believed the worst of her in the blink of an eye. 

And even if he had believed the truth, did he think he had no right to yell at her? To demand her side of the story? To demand justifications for what all they felt? 

“So everyone knew some part of the truth anyways?” Akash laughed bitterly, settling on the sofa. Arnav could not respond, his heart soaring at the thought that Khushi was innocent but his mind calculating the damage of his actions. 

“And nobody, nobody told me.” Akash sighed. Payal reached out to him, attempting to hold his hand but he shrugged it off.

“You know Payal, I understand Bhai not telling me because if I heard only his version of events I might have not been able to marry you. I get it that he tried to preserve our family as much as he could. I understand Di not telling me because she herself was not sure if what she suspected was true or not. But you? Your family? You all literally did not tell me the truth just so you could marry me?” Akash was hurt, that despite all of his mother’s warnings that the Guptas would like to secure this marriage - a part of her was right. 

“Nahi Bitwa, Payal already had a broken marriage-” Garima began but Akash raised his hand, unable to hear anything else. 

“I know she had, and to be honest I’d understand if you had hidden that from me. But a truth concerning my sister’s wellbeing? I mean don’t tell me you all actually thought Di would be happy with Shyam-” Akash questioned the Guptas, their shame faces telling everything. 

Shyam, meanwhile, had nothing apart from silence to offer. The family spoke as if he didn’t exist, and pretended to not see when the police picked him up and carried him off to jail. This was the heights?! His yells to Anjali, curses to the Raizadas and threats to the Guptas only helped the police further to lock him up. Manorama only bid him a happy bye bye from the doorway. 

“I’m sorry Di,” Khushi whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. Anjali had not left Khushi’s side at all. She had played complicit to Khushi’s harassment. 

“It’s ok, you’re young. People make mistakes,” Anjali paused and looked at a stricken Arnav, “don’t they?” 

Arnav swayed on his feet, collapsing by Anjali and unable to meet Khushi’s eyes. 

What had he done? 

“You are right Akash. My family acted purely out of selfishness for my marriage to happen. As such I have violated the sanctity of truth of our marriage.” Payal whispered, wiping her tears away. 

“Hence, the only way to repair this, is for me to walk out of your life.”

A/N: Finally I've updated this! Last part left! Let me know how you think this would transpire???

[middlechildkin]

Peepaw Convention F!Leo Hall: karaoke room edition

New building, no stank, just vibes and drunk singing

The song in question (song also below the cut if you’re uncomfortable clicking this link)

[The song is I Need a Hero specifically from Shrek 2, don’t know it? You poor soul]

NQK aka Not Quite Kintsugi by @tervaneula

WMAS aka we’ll meet again soon by @chiangyorange

ITBOTB aka In the Bottom of the Bottle by @beeceit

DMD aka Dead Man’s Deal by @nani-nonny

FL aka Full Lair by @shittygaypornmagazine

HW aka His World by @skylerskyhigh

LH aka Last Hourglass by @last-hourglass

AMW aka At My Worst by @teainthesnow

IBEH aka im bringing everyone home by @unfortunate-songbird

2AL aka 2 Arms Left by @intotheelliwoods

Hehe hope I didn’t miss anyone <3 (this is so stupid I’m so sorry I spent way too much time thinking about this and how I would set it up, it’s like everyday I lose brain cells the more I consume f!leo content, but Happy April Fools besties)

[marleyybluu]

Trick or Treat

You and Fez take your daughter trick or treating for the first time.

Halloween may be over for yall but ain't for me

so here's something cute again for Fez cus he is so cute and deserves all the cute things

He never got a normal childhood and as much as he says it doesn't bother him you could tell that it did.

He figured because of how he grew up and having to become an adult at a young age, he would never be a father, let alone the best one your child could ask for.

Ever since your daughter entered this world Fez made sure she got the life that he didn't, he made sure she was a child before anything else and in the process of it, you noticed that he was also tapping into his inner child.

Healing it.

Any toy your four-year-old asked for she got, if she wanted him to play Barbie with her he didn't hesitate-- going all out with the girly voice for special effect. If he was watching a game and she asked for Cocomelon he'd switch over in an instant.

When holidays came around that's when he went all out, even if it was just Thanksgiving it would be the best one she'd experience.

Halloween was the day they bonded the most, the preparation weeks before when they'd shop around looking for the perfect costumes.

This year was her first-time trick or treating though. Fez said he wanted to wait until she could actually remember it so all the years before he'd just dress them up and they'd watch Charlie Brown's It's the Great Pumpkin as their own little tradition.

She was excited and inside so was he.

This year she wanted to be Lilo and Stitch after watching it on a loop for a few days. You giggled seeing him come out of his room in his Stitch costume and a goofy ass grin on his face. "You ready boogie?" He called out using her nickname. "Readyyy."

"Can mommy take some pictures?" You asked pulling your phone out. They both nodded and you snapped a few serious ones but they weren't serious for long before they made some silly faces and weird poses. "Let me get some of Lilo and Nani." He says reaching for your phone.

After taking pictures you locked up the house and ventured off to find candy. You guys were having the time of your lives, she met a few kids on her quest and chatted with them, she was never a shy one. Even those who answered the door found her to be quite charming.

Soon enough her little legs would give out and Fez carried her the rest of the way.

Two bags later and she was out like a light, passed out on his shoulder. You carried both bags on the way back to the house, once you arrived he dropped your daughter to bed and closed the door behind him.

He came back to discover you on the couch already digging through the sweets. "Why you stealin' my baby's candy?"

"I'm gettin' her started." You laughed. "I got some stuff for us."

You sat there a bit puzzled as he left to go to the kitchen and came back with a bag on the front of it was a Vampire with red, droopy eyes and smoke circulating it. "Edibles?" You ask a bit too eagerly.

"Hell yeah."

You two sit on the couch digging through the bag, watching Charlie Brown. "Did you have fun?" You inquired looking over at him. "I did." He admitted. "I'm ready for next year."

He had already planned what they'd be.

Only posting two things, I’ve been sick since fucking Monday and I just can’t be bothered y’all I’m sorry.

If you liked this fic feel free to like this fic. Reblogs and comments help.

Be cool🤙🏾

[not-so-rosyyy]

I have a question do some Filipino consider themselves Pacific Islander in Guam we have a lot of people from there who say they are but when I visit the states many would identify as Asian I’m just curious the lilo and stitch live action may me think a lot about how colonization ruin the islands in the pacific and people don’t know what a native Hawaiian actually is

hi! sorry for the late response to this. as far as I can tell, this debate of how Filipinos identify is only an issue in the diaspora, most especially with young Filipino-Americans. but for those of us here in the Philippines, I can tell you we don't identify as Pacific Islanders. we're geographically located in Southeast Asia, so for all it's worth, WE ARE ASIANS.

all of this is a bit more complicated, tho. I think most of the confusion with our identity stems from the fact that America tends to lump Asians & Pacific Islanders together in one category. but since our people's culture & history are very unique from the rest of our Asian neighbors, Fil-Ams struggle to find where they really belong in the cultural melting pot.

they sometimes find it hard to identify strictly as Asians, because "asian" in the US is often only associated with those from the Sinosphere (Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc). most Americans and those very same Asian neighbors also tend to exclude Filipinos from the group because we have more similiarities with Latin cultures now due to having been a Spanish colony for 300+ hundreds years. (we used to be part of the Spanish East Indies that also included Guam, in fact). but then, we also can't identify as Hispanic since...well, we obviously aren't. we do share a genealogical history and Austronesian heritage with Pacific Islanders, though (for example: similar language, tribal tattooing, etc).

so, all things considered, I think the feeling of being an outsider in the Asian community is part of the reason why some Fil-Ams identify more with Pacific Islanders. and I can't really fault them for that.

to me, however, it's absurd to strictly classify us into a single ethnic category. we're a multi-race nation. a typical Filipino family can have one member look like chinese, another will look mestiza, and another one will look like your average polynesian. some of our indigenous peoples are even black. our people's ethnic DNA is a rainbow, and--I say this without exaggeration--our skin colors are literally the Fenty shade range.

that said, the Lilo & Stitch casting debacle is still a mistake...and not so much because of ethnicity, but because of ✨colorism✨. the girl they cast as Nani is mixed European-Filipino, and is clearly fair-skinned...and Nani is very much NOT.

[melancholy-marionette]

Hi hi! I'm a fan of your yandere games and I just recently found out about your Tumblr account while hunting for fandoms of your games X3 I just finished playing Solipsism Reigns after letting it just sit there somewhere on my laptop for a whole year cuz I got attached to Kuro XD Ik your hands are already full from the amount of visual novels you've been creating so far but would you consider re-creating SR if you can? You don't have to feel obligated to ofc, I'm already impressed with the amount of visual novels you've cooked up XD (I'm quite nervous asking this cuz SR is so underrated and it's rarely talked about these days)

Hey hey! That’s awesome :D Super glad to hear it <3 

Yeeeeah, I mean, I don’t know for sure cos I’ve never looked, but I can’t imagine there's much in the way of fandoms for any of my games since they tend to fly under the radar x3 (my own fault for being incapable of using social media to promote stuff, I know T_T haha)

Since my following is mainly concentrated on itch I guess maybe that doesn’t help since other devs tend to post stuff in places like this and interact with people more. Heck, one of my supporters was even kind enough to make me a Discord server, which is incredible! But even with that, I struggle to use it regularly cos I can’t cope with live conversations very well >.< My social processing power is extremely limited T_T

The most frustrating thing is that I would like to be more active with social stuff, I just can’t handle it very well thanks to my ASD :( It only takes a little bit of social media for me to become completely overwhelmed and have to force myself to come off it so I don’t shut down, haha. It sucks.

Anyways, I’m rambling, sorry x3

That’s so cool you played SR :D my original baby, haha. It looks so old now T_T Every time I see it on my itch dashboard I end up thinking of all the things I would change now I have more experience as a dev! It makes me a happy bunny to hear that you got attached to Kuro though ^-^

Funnily enough... I had already planned to remake SR at some point :D 

As much as the project will always have a special place in my heart with it being my first-ever VN, there are many things about it that bother me too, haha. 

My hope is to eventually remake it from scratch (I kinda have no choice in that anyhow since I no longer have the old Tyranobuilder project files x3) in Naninovel :3 Cos I know Tyrano was kinda clunky >.< In Nani, I could make it all work more smoothly + add more in the way of visual FX and stuff too.

On top of that though, I plan to go over all of my writing because there’s sooooo much I’m not happy with (mainly glaring at the student route >.>) + with any luck add an entirely new route as well that I cut from the original release due to a lack of time to write it properly when I found out Kuro’s VA was going to be moving to another country and putting voice acting on hold, haha. 

There was also a BxG version in the works that’s currently on hold but features redesigned sprites by LazyPolarBear + CGs for a male protagonist x fem Kuro.

I’m not sure what I want to do about the music in the project because I feel like I chose the tracks well to fit the game, BUT, I’ve heard those same tracks in soooo many other people’s games now that I kind of hate that I used so much from Incompetch, haha. Kevin’s music is incredible, but since it’s very generously free to use, it does mean it’s kind of overused in games >.< I didn’t have any other option at the time cos I couldn’t make my own music and I didn’t have any money to buy asset packs.

Now that I tend to create my own OSTs, it would seem kind of insane not to make one for SR in the process of a proper remake. It’s just it would require me to make a lot of tracks x3 I’ll probably give it a go though + maybe keep a handful of Kevin’s ones that I really like too much to let go of, haha.

So yeah, my hope is to eventually remake the original otome version of SR in a different engine with edited + new writing, some new art, new UI, new FX, possibly an OST, and I guess new VA to go with the new writing :D 

I don’t really know when because I need to finish CiQ, DD, and Blue Blythe’s route in Bitter/Sweet before I tackle any more long-term projects x3 So it won’t be any time soon. Once I’ve managed to finish all of those though, I’ll probably make it my next long-term priority project :3

I’m genuinely flattered that you actually liked SR enough to even ask this! It always amazes me when anyone leaves a positive word about SR because I assumed that it had kinda just been lost to the sands of time at this point xD I know it’s definitely showing its age, haha. It’s nice to know there are still people out there who are willing to give it a chance if they happen to come across it somehow ^-^

I feel like my games are probably rarely talked about in general, haha. I mean, since I’m a fan of yandere games and play them myself, I do lurk in some communities + sometimes look at recs threads other people post to get ideas for things to add to my own playlist, and it’s not often that I see any of my games mentioned on recs or being discussed x3

I always kinda hope it’s cos people don’t know they exist rather than it being a case of them thinking they’re not worthy of mentioning xD Either way isn’t exactly great though I guess, haha. 

I just can’t promote stuff for the life of me cos I find it too overwhelming & exhausting + I don’t really have the self-confidence to try and put my games in front of people anyways cos I always feel like what I make isn’t good enough >.< I’m basically 100% reliant on other people sharing my games for anyone to even discover them x3 Either that or searching the yandere tag on itch, but even then, they might be kinda hard to locate cos they’re not super near the top since I don’t get as many people rating my games as other devs do. SR is my oldest game and it doesn’t even have 100 ratings yet on itch xD

If you search the yandere tag on itch and sort by ‘top rated’ 14 Days With You is first with a whopping 1238 total ratings as of searching right now while I type this… my first game to appear is Darling Duality as the 13th result with a mere 427 ratings by comparison, haha. And I’m pretty sure DD only got rated that much because of Manly’s video x3 Bitter/Sweet is next with only 228 total ratings by comparison.

I know people can just click on my itch profile if they happen to find and like 1 of my games and maybe want to see if I’ve made others, but a lot of people don’t realise you can do that, or they don’t know that I primarily make games with yanderes in x3 So they just go unnoticed.

Heck, Dawn of the Damned is related to Darling Duality, and even though DD is my most popular project, I can’t seem to get people to check out Dawn of the Damned, haha. At this point, the tiny demo for DD has 44.7k downloads (this still blows my mind o.o), and yet despite Dawn of the Damned being a completed project and set in the same universe featuring future DD characters, it only has 4036 total downloads as of today x3 If I can’t get the majority of my own followers to check out a game I made that’s set in the same universe, I have no hope of getting them to find my other yandere stuff T_T and even less hope of getting my games in front of people who have never heard of me as a dev, haha.

I’ve even had a handful of people tell me that they think Apartment No.9 is my best game, and that Doyle is their favourite ever yandere guy, but the project only has 3680 downloads x3

But yeah, my analytics on itch are really skewed cos pretty much all the numbers are for Darling Duality and my Yandere Heaven fandub. I may have somehow managed to get a fair few followers on there over the years, but I think probably something like 90% of them (possibly even more than that) are waiting for DD and aren’t interested in my other projects.

My poor Yandere Heaven fandub has received some attention (in fact, it’s actually beating DD on total downloads somehow), but there has been a lot of negativity + a looooot of 1* and 2* bad ratings on itch because, for some reason, people don’t realise it’s a fandub even though I put that very clearly on the page T_T So they rate the game badly with comments saying the story sucks, or that having no choices is stupid, the characters are dumb, or that it’s too goofy and OTT. None of which is even my fault since I’m trying to faithfully recreate the original content. All I wanted to do was make a Japanese drama CD into a VN fandub game >.< haha. 

I can’t believe I’ve rambled so much anyhow xD I’m so sorry, haha. It’s just one of those things that causes me a lot of confusion x3 I know I can’t handle social media very well and I fail at promo, but I can’t understand why a majority of my projects receive so few views/downloads in comparison to DD >.< I can’t for the life of me figure out what’s so appealing about DD and not my other stuff, haha. Unless it’s literally just cos Manly played it x3

Before I go though, I just wanna say a big thank you for playing my stuff :3 It really means a lot! I hope you get to have a super duper year ahead <3

[bullet-prooflove]

Can you do #3- for once, you let go Of your fears and your ghosts for Beau? This made me think of him and Ally!

Tagging: @justameresimp @agentorange9595 @handsupforamiracle @lxaah11 @librarian1002 @imaginecrushes @flrboyd @nani-kenobi @areamir @b-bradshaw @adaydreamaway08 @crimeshowjunkie @shepgurl @inkandarsenic @caffeinatedwoman @tortilla-maria1 @lemmons1998 @dr-alan-grantler @burningpeachpuppy @penguin876 @deliriousfangirl61 @goosterroose @kishie8 @skyesthebomb @olymosity @@marshmallowflufffox @whateversomethingbruh @soultrysworld @@4everademigod @reneejett4 @kmc1989

Syria!Series:

Part One: Syria - You're stuck on the otherside of the world when Beau's captured in Syria.

Part Two: In Sickness & Health - Beau eventually makes it home.

Part Three: Catch 22 - Beau struggles to cope in the aftermath of Syria.

Part Four: The Bottle, The Bullet Or This... - Beau is forced to confront his demons.

Things start to change. The weight on Beau’s shoulders, it gets a little lighter. He engages more these days, takes the time to ask you about your day, to actually listen. Bottles stop disappearing from the drink’s cabinet. He shaves on a regular basis.

There are bad days too, days where he’s too anxious to leave the house, where he can’t vocalise his needs, so you give him a little space. You’re here if he needs, it’s important that he knows that.

Solomon drags him out for a run at least twice a week. The first time he barely makes it a mile but that pain he feels burning in his calves, it’s cathartic. He manages to outrun the thoughts in his head, the demons and that’s what drives him out the next time and then the next.

One evening you come home to find him standing in the kitchen, in front of the stove cooking his mother’s pasta sauce, something he hasn’t done for a long time even before Syria.

“I don’t know why but I just had a craving for it.” He tells you as he adds the chopped peppers.

The table is already for two, the good silver and the plates you use especially for guests. You can’t recall the last time you shared a meal together. It takes you back to the nights before his  deployment. You’d come home from working late and he would be in the kitchen. He’d give you that smile, the one that made you fall in love with him in the first place before ushering you off to the shower.

“I’m still a work in progress.” He tells you over dinner, his hand reaching out across the table and taking yours.

You stare down at it because this is the first time he’s touched you in months and it feels for a moment that you have your husband back, that the man you love is sitting right across from you.

“Maybe I’ll always be a work in progress.” He tells you with the hint of a smile as his thumb tracing over your knuckles. “But I have never stopped loving you, I’m sorry if I’ve made you think otherwise these last few months.”

“Beau…” You whisper, your eyes flickering up to meet his. “We’re gonna be ok you know?”

He squeezes your hand, his eyes stinging because he’s been afraid up until now, terrified that he’d fucked up the only good thing in he’s ever had in his life.

“Thank you.” He says, his voice breaking as he speaks. “Thank you for loving me, for not giving up on me when I needed you the most. ”

Love Beau? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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[whencartoonsruletheworld]

k so before i hop in the shower. with the new princesses of heart in kh, we have four confirmed:

kairi again

rapunzel

elsa

anna

now we can just like. ASSUME that they’ll add moana and make her a princess of heart. that’s like a 99.999999% chance. also she already had a medal and costume in ux so yeah that’s happening. that’s 5!

we can also assume they’re gonna add tiana. cause why the fuck would they not??? that’s 6

we still got mèrida as an official DP but i like. don’t think she fits the vibe?? i feel like she’d be more like ariel, in the lineup but not a princess of heart or w/e

so we’re still missing one. here’s my thoughts on who could be princess of heart #7 in order of how fucking hilarious it would be

Sally (Nightmare Before Christmas) – we’ve already seen her several times but now she has a promotion

Esmeralda (Hunchback of Notre Dame) – same reasoning as Sally

Kida Nedakh (Atlantis) – please

Giselle (Enchanted) – hyperrealistic amy adams

Mirabel Madrigal (Encanto) – she’s like “okay so like. i’m a special princess??” “yeah, i know it’s a lot to take in–” “and it’s NOT isabela?????” “...no?” “oh i am gonna rub this in her face forEVER”

alternate: it’s not mirabel OR isabela it’s luisa or dolores. just throw people off

Elena of Avalor – imagine them making a disney junior show canon

Raya (Raya and the Last Dragon) – she is literally the princess of a kingdom called Heart like come on

Sisu (Raya and the Last Dragon) – would track with the “pure of heart” thing ig. also imagine them just saying the comic relief is now the princess of heart

Namaari (Raya and the Last Dragon) – the princess of a kingdom that is NOT heart but also she has a big gay crush on the heart princess this would give her so many crises

Maid Marian (Robin Hood) – furry world

Roxanne – furry world AND we have to do an entire goofy movie plot

Naminé or Xion – would make me cry

Wendy (Peter Pan) – she’s finally one of the chosen ones

Jane (Peter Pan) – grabbed the wrong darling girl, hook, can you believe

Lilo or Nani (Lilo & Stitch) – whichever sister it would be it would be really funny to see how stressed nani gets over it

Kiara (The Lion King) – 1) from a direct-to-video sequel, 2) a fucking lion

Melody (The Little Mermaid) – ariel’s not a princess of heart but her daughter is

Gabriela (The Little Mermaid) – ariel’s not a princess of heart but this one-off breakout character from the tv show is

Boo (Monsters Inc) – she is literally two fucking years old

Penny (The Rescuers) – just this random baby from an obscure disney movie. jenny from oliver and company is also acceptable

Mei Lee (Turning Red) – the princesses of heart are all actual royalty except for this 13yo canadian girl from 2002 who can turn into a panda when she’s mad

Eilonwy (The Black Cauldron) – disney refuses to acknowledge this movie’s existence but then they put it in kingdom hearts and make it relevant to the story

Ortensia – imagine they finally get oswald into the main story and it’s bc his wife has magic heart powers and heartless wont leave them alone

Anastasia – disney finally delivers the killing blow on the “anastasia is not disney” crowd. sorry guys we bought 20th century fox she’s ours now lol

Sofia the First – come on. tell me it wouldnt be funny. come on

Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit) – it would make so many people mad