#Not exactly like it but I'm tired and I feel good about how I sketched this

[123puppy]

Context

[hyunnieshannie]

SKZ: In Bed

A shit show of a conversation was started in my writers club discord (Feel free to join!) with @maeleelee & @d4vekat-otp so here are my unhinged thoughts about how SKZ are in bed:

CHAN: SUB / SWITCH (SUB LEANING)

-He has so much control right now, even if it may not seem like it sometimes he just needs someone else to take control.

-Needs to be loved on and pampered, he's tired of taking care of his 7 kids all day

-Would love just being told what to do

-Seriously just tell him what to do, let him turn his brain off for once.

-SO SO SO in love with a calm, sweet, after care ritual:

- cuddling,

- kisses,

-a bath,

-snackies,

-hot chocolate,

- just be gentle with him after <3

MINHO: SOFT DOM

-Everyone imagines Lino as a hard dom. me included. based on his looks and demeanor but what if we based it off how he looks at Jisung?

-Suddenly the man is softer than SoonDoonDori

-Consent is sexy KING: asks if you're okay with everything he does

-SO SO SO passionate

-Gentle unless asked not to be

-Will bring the cats in after sex to let you cuddle up to them because he loves seeing his four babies all together.

-"want me to make you a snack?"

-SO MANY KISSES

-TIGHT cuddles, man will literally NOT let you go

-Would check in to make sure you're not hurt anywhere if he got 'too rough'

-Gives you his hoodie and sweats to sleep in

-HELPS YOU change into everything because "I'm changing the saying from No one helps you once you're fucked." (he's a lil dumb sometimes, he's doing his best okay?)

CHANGBIN: SWITCH (Depending on the day)

-Loves a good rough fuck

-but GOD WOULD HE LOVE being taken care of.

-Either manhandles you with his thicc muscles

- or pouts for you to be gentle with him

-IMMACULATE aftercare (HAVE YOU SEEN HOW SWEET HE IS WITH HIS MOM AND SISTER? HE WAS RAISED RIGHT AND KNOWS HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN)

-Massages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Bubble Baths <3

-Would CARRY you to the bath <3 (Even if you can still walk. he WILL carry you)

-HE PREPARES!!! Whether he assumes he's gonna get some, or not, hes ALWAYS prepared for what you'll need after just in case! (Like water and snacks, or advil) (he do get a little sleepy after sex please cuddle him)

-PRAISES THE FUCK OUT OF HIS PARTNER 100% SO SO SWEET. "You're doing so good," "You take me so well" JKBDSFJKBVSFKJBGSKJDFVBG

HYUNJIN: SERVICE TOP / SOFT DOM

-Soft boy, Shy when people compliment his looks BUT

-Behind closed doors, he KNOWS. He KNOWS hes hot. and uses it against you

-He's a slut (lovingly)

-LOVES roleplay LOVES being a character so he can forget he was shy earlier about receiving a compliment

-PRAISES YOU "you're so perfect." | "More beautiful than any art piece in any museum" | "Made just for me,"

-SENSUAL ASF

-He wants to be in control, but doesn't want to hurt you ever, only wants to make you feel good

-Will sketch you naked while you look fucked out (paint me like one of your french girls)

-The Most EXTREME Aftercare (it's such a long process)

-Will not let you lift a single finger, while he massages you, helps you bathe, puts lotion on you, gives you a face mask, changes you, and ultimately puts you to bed

-KISSES ALL OVER YOUR FACE before you fall asleep <3

JISUNG: SOFT DOM

-STOP DOING HANJI WRONG AND CALLING HIM BITCHLESS, WHO ARE WE KIDDING? HES NOT BITCHLESS AND WE ALL KNOW IT

-BIAS WRECKS EVERYONE EVERY SINGLE CB? EVEN IF JISUNG ISN'T YOUR BIAS... HE'S STILL YOUR BIAS.

-JISUNG MAY BE SHY BUT HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.

-LOVES EDGING. (Ignores us on bubble forever, knows we want him, knows EXACTLY when to drop content, and leave us begging him for more)

-HEAD GAME STRONG. PROVE ME WRONG RN.

-LOVES watching you beg for him. "I don't think you deserve it though-"

-WHORE (lovingly)

-WOULD SEXT YOU WHILE EITHER ONE OF YOU IS IN AN IMPORTANT MEETING "How bad do you want me right now?"

-AFTER CARE INCLUDES CUDDLES AND ANIME

-LIKE SO MUCH ANIME (FOKN WEEB)

-Showers TOGETHER. you're not allowed to go in there alone wtf??

FELIX: HARD DOM. / BRAT TAMER

-WHY EVERYONE THINK HES A SUB??

-HATES being seen as a pretty, fragile, princess

-NEEDS to take out his frustrations but what BETTER way than to show his partner whos in charge (Spoiler: It's Him.)

-The type to fuck you against the wall

-Seriously. He wants to pick you up and fuck you against any flat surface he can find- especially- when you piss him off.

-Leaves SO MANY marks on you. "Everyone needs to know who you belong to."

-LOVES face fucking. L O V E S it

-PRAISES YOU (if you deserve it) "Just like that, you're doing so good"

-IF YOU DONT DESERVE IT THO: "Stupid little whore, forgot whos in charge again huh?" (NOT HAPPY. STILL SO HOT OF HIM THO)

-SWEET BABY DURING AFTERCARE, WHOLE 180 CHANGE, "Baby what do you need?" "are you ok my love?" "Thank you for letting me get my anger out..." SO SO SO SO SO SOFT

SEUNGMIN: HARD DOM. FULL ON SADIST.

-Man isn't just a dom. He's a mother fucking SADIST

-Teases you until you cry

-LOVES making you angry/frustrated

-LOVES watching you fight back (like the brat you are)

-LOVES it more to see you lose the fight (Source: Trust me bro)

-TOYS TOYS TOYS.

-LOVES Using toys to overstimulate you.

-THE TYPE TO DO GUIDED MASTRUBATION

-LOVES the power he has over you!!!!!!!!!

-DENIAL. DENIAL. DENIAL. THIS IS BEYOND EDGING. ONE WRONG MOVE AND HE WILL DENY YOU AT LEAST 7 TIMES.

-JEALOUS FUCKING. "so you wanna act up in front of other guys? REMEMBER who fucking OWNS you."

-AFTERCARE IS SO NICE WITH HIM THO. HES A TOTAL PUPPY. Following you around to make sure you're okay, like a dog with its tail between its legs he needs lots of attention, cuddles and kisses. He loves you SO Much, he can't help his jealousy issues...

JEONGIN: HARD DOM

-DOESNT want to be Baby bread. HES SAID IT. (he wants to be Daddy Toast fr)

-Hes SO innocent looking? RED FLAG. HES 100% A WHORE (Lovingly)

-LOVES using his hands and his tongue

-Will over stimulate you with them before he even THINKS of fucking you

-When he DOES fuck you, the grip he has on your body will leave bruises on you for a week

-WOULD MARK YOU SO MUCH

-Wants YOU to mark him in forms of hickeys or scratches

-CHOKING - HAVE YOU SEEN HIS HANDS???????????? (Chanting: BREATH PLAY, BREATH PLAY, BREATH PLAY yeah. Im part of the breath play cult...)

-ALL THE KINKS, HES A FUCKING F R E A K "You see me as a baby? I'm about to prove you wrong little fox."

-WANTS YOU TO WEAR A FUCKING COLLAR WITH HIS NAME ON THE TAG. "You're mine. don't fucking forget it."

-SUCH A BABY DURING AFTERCARE. WANTS CUDDLES, WOULD NUZZLE INTO YOU, BABY FOX IS VERY SHY AFTER LETTING OUT HIS DOM SIDE ON YOU.

Tags @chanlixiiee @amalieworldidk @jaebaebaegot7 @maeleelee @iadorethemskz @maenijw @hangin-out-with-the-street-rats @jinniespuppy @painstakingly-juno @lethallyprotected @elizalabs3 @jisungsbff01 @seungminslittlepup

[kozachenko]

Ok the WIP I posted a little while ago is no loner a WIP yipeeeeeee I am so tired of looking at this drawing.

Artist's Notes:

THIS DRAWING IS FINALLY DONE YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Ok so this drawing was a WIP that I had had sitting around for a while, and so because I wanted to do a test run with the new face style I'm trying out, I decided to pick it back up again. Now you may notice that compared to the other version of the WIP, the shading is different, and that's because I had to change all of it to match the light source of the moon, which was.... not exactly fun (especially cuz I stayed up late at night to finish this which was tiring), but it was worth it because I am a lot happier with the shading now. Also, when I initially redid the shading on the white trim of her outfit, I ended up making them look like indiscreet white blobs that just looked... bad, so I had to fix that and I think it looks a lot better.

My favourite parts of this drawing have to be the face and the hair, though I'm not surprised about how much I like the hair since hair is my favourite thing to draw. Also the wolf, I really like how the wolf turned out, since I also love drawing animals from time to time. I also like how the background turned out.

Also, Enoko's design was a hit hard to get right, and I decided to add the white trim separating her shirt and skirt mainly because I didn't like how abruptly it changed in the original design. Also, for some reason her dress makes me think of 1800s-y southern/western clothes, which has given me the headcanon that Saki gave her these clothes when they first met. Makes me wanna draw the two of them together in very western styled clothes, I think it would be cute. I also changed up some of the colours on her original design to fit in more with the palette that I was going for with this piece. Also, I like how her tails turned out, mainly because when I was working on some of the sketch for this I tried to make them smaller, but they didn't look right so I just went "fuck it" and made them big and poofy. Also drawing her wolf ears was fun, I like drawing simplified wolf ears like that. Overall, I'd say I did a good job incorporating elements (like the bear trap hands, the tails, the gem) in a way that didn't feel like they were out of place in the piece (something I was concerned about with Enoko's design).

All in all, I wouldn't call this my best work, but I do like a lot of aspects of it. I've also noticed that I'm kinda getting a bit frustrated with certain parts of my style like the lighting (mainly the lighting), so I think I wanna try and branch back into that more painterly style that I started out with when I first started posting here while still mixing in some elements of my lineless style. Also, I need to get better with my colour values, mainly just for clarity since I kinda think that's where this drawing falls flat a little.

[do-it-for-the-fandom]

Cloudy With a Chance of Murder.

Part I: leaving the crime scene.

Part II: the phone call.

Part III: a visit to the morgue.

Part IV: the lunch break.

Part V: lunch part II.

Part VI: the perfect cover.

Part VII: the storage closet.

Part VIII: case closed.

Part IX: finding their way.

Must you always be so... so stubborn, Katie?

Apparently, the answer to the question her parent's had frustratedly asked her on many occasions was a big, fat yes.

It's not that she hadn't tried to be a little softer, a little less headstrong. She had decided - the moment she arrived home, alone... again - that she could forgive and forget this whole mess. Because, like Lanie had said (and like she already knew) Castle had only done what he thought was the right thing.

He had explained how they had ended up in his Loft rather than the fancy restaurant he had made reservations at. He had explained the alarming phone call, the shattering glass. And he had explained that no matter what he said or did, Kristina had been on a  mission to get exactly what she wanted.

If anything, he was the victim in all of this. Maybe, just maybe, it was her who owed him an apology. 

Then, as if timed by fate itself, there was a knock at her door. 

He came bearing a heartfelt apology, the intent to start and finish a true conversation about them (one they probably should have had before returning to work, but better late than never) and a promise. A promise that he understands, that is scared too, but that he truly believes they can find their way. 

And just like that, she was ready to forgive. 

She leant in, smile still bright on her face, and Castle dipped his head to brush his  lips against hers. However, it seemed forgiving was going to be much easier than forgetting. The images she had spent the better half of the night fighting off flooded back to the forefront of her mind and she pulled back from the impending we're good now kiss. 

"I'm sorry, I can't," she said as she shook her head slightly, hoping to erase the images like an etch-a-sketch. "It's too soon. I just keep seeing her boobs in your face." 

She walked away, just a few steps to gain a little bit of distance, a little bit of perspective. She just wanted her mind to stop taunting her like this. She wanted the memories to be gone, for good. 

And then came the softly spoken, heartbroken words that managed to do exactly that.

"Do y- do you want me to leave?" 

She turned to face him, took in the pained look of regret that was etched so deep in the tired lines of his face and shook her head.

"No," she said definitively, closing the space between them. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired."

And confused, and angry, and a little hurt; but mostly just tired.

She reached up and delicately traced her thumb over his cheek.

"Stay with me?" she whispered the request. "Please." 

He nodded, followed as she led him toward her bedroom. He removed his clothing, down to his boxers, as she pulled back the covers and climbed onto the bed. Kneeling, she moved over to his side and placed her hands on his hips. He joined her on the mattress, kneeling before her, and brushed the hair of her ponytail over her shoulder. 

"I'm sorry, Kate," he whispered and she nodded. 

"Me too." 

She leaned in, kissed him slowly. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting - the taste of betrayal, perhaps - but his lips, his tongue; it just tasted like him. Sweet, loyal, hopelessly in love Castle. And her reservations melted away.

Castle pressed his forehead to hers but cupped her face to keep her close; he didn't want to lose this connection, but he also didn't want her to feel rushed. 

"We don't have to," he assured her.

But she shook her head. "I want to." 

Still, he hesitated. She knew that was her fault: she had let her emotions lead her actions too much over these past few days. These past few weeks, actually. And now he was being overly cautious, taking on the role that she would usually fill. Because that was how they worked: serious and unserious, head in the clouds and feet firmly on the ground, a hopeless romantic and a logical thinker. They levelled each other other, brought one another to this ideal middle ground that just seemed to work so perfectly for them. 

But this? This role reversal they had slipped into, it wasn't them It wasn't right. 

"I'm okay, Castle." She assured him with a kiss. "We're okay." 

And she was determined for her words to become truth. 

She kissed him again, with more urgency than before, and he gave into his desires. 

His arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her closer, relished in the feel of her body pressed flush against his. 

"I want you," he panted as he moved his attention to peppering kisses along her jawline and down her neck. His hands wandered down her body to her thighs, then glided back up the bared skin and underneath her sleep shirt. "Only you." 

"Show me," she whispered. They broke apart, looked into one another's eyes for just a few short seconds before she smiled and repeated her request. "Show me how much you want me." 

He did exactly that. He poured all the love he had for her into a long, slow, reverent kiss as he lay her back on her bed. He touched her with gentle hands, like she were a priceless artifact to be handled with the utmost care. Kissed her in a way that soothed the hurt and confusion they had both felt in this tumultuous transition into life outside of their little love bubble. Their love-making was a promise that tomorrow was a new day - undoubtedly with new challenges to face - but no matter what may have come their way, they could figure this out together... they could find their way. 

And, in a way that only they could, they righted all their wrongs.

[mins-fins]

☆ 3 jaemin the virgin sacrifice

❝ i hope the board demon takes jaemin. ❞

⌗ NOTE 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 hi!!!! what's going on with you ☺️?? okay the xiaojun fic is about finished and this week im practically going to be GONE (regents week + my winter formal this friday) so this is like my last update before i crawl into my hole and suffer.. um i hope this somehow makes someones monday better and i'll see you this weekend hopefully with xiaojun 👍

⌗ WORD COUNT 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 1.4k

⌗ PREVIOUS | MASTERLIST | NEXT

"WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU DOING?"

it is currently nine pm, the shift today tired you, but not enough for you to drop everything and immediately head to bed, though you wanted to do that, your body wouldn't exactly just let you. you had the sudden urge to draw an architectural sketch of a house, it was like when you drank an espresso shot and then had the sudden urge to bake cookies afterward (you hope that's normal for most people— you hope). you understand why renjun walks in and is instantly concerned.

"this is how i de-stress" you reply, continuing your sketch, but all renjun does is narrow his eyes, trying his best to judge your behavior nicely.

"you look more stressed than anything" renjun clicks his tongue, taking another sip of his tea. "have you tried to sleep at all today?"

"i can't sleep!" you exclaim, throwing your hands up in the air. you end up startling renjun, who jumps back at the volume of your yell. "sleep is practically impossible at this might, i'm just trying to distract myself" you say, giving him your run of the mill fake smile.

renjun blinks, then sighs, knowing there's nothing he could say to convince you to stop working. so, he rubs his temples and shakes his head. "alright then, i made us dinner, come eat".

"i'm not hungry—"

"y/n, come eat or i'm going to force feed you".

the threat, though presumably a false one considering renjun never actually puts his hands on people, somehow scares you enough that you drop your pen, rolling your sketch up and finally taking your hands off it since you began it a good two hours ago.

"have your parents still been urging you to visit them?" renjun asks, though his words are muffled because there's a spoonful of fried rice in his mouth. he covers his mouth and clears his throat, still awaiting your answer.

"yes, but they always get mad when i inform them i can't just not attend my classes to visit them" you lean your head on your hand, moving your spoon around in your meal, not really having an appetite.

"don't play with your food" renjun scolds like a mom, giving you that familiar but rare cold glare, the type he always gives to donghyuck or jaemin when they do something fairly idiotic. "eat".

"okay okay" you frown, and renjun just smiles, feeling victorious. "don't kill me".

renjun smiles a totally non–threatening smile and just hums. "i'll consider it".

"DID YOU KNOW WE SELL OUIJA BOARDS HERE?"

you look up from your phone and at jaemin, who stands before you holding, low and behold, a ouija board. a small chuckle escaped your lips as you stare at the display, and you can hear jisung's gasp from behind you. "ooh! we do?"

"we should try it".

mark's statement is met with immediate rebuttal from the rest of your coworkers, which is a huge surprise to you, because knowing them, you assumed that they would've been elated at the opportunity to summon something from a ouija board at work.

"are you crazy? yoon would kill is if we somehow summoned a demon in the store" chenle crosses his arms as he deadpans at the eldest of the group, you laugh at the way he isn't inherently against the idea of using the board, he just doesn't want to get in trouble for summoning a demon using the board.

"we should sacrifice jaemin to the board demons" donghyuck comments absentmindedly, the empty tone of his voice causes for mark to burst out laughing, pretty much dying right there at the counter. "like those virgin sacrifices that happen in movies".

"jaemin's a virgin?" jeno asks, as if that was the most concerning thing about donghyuck's words. the words make you snort, and jaemin's jaw just drops as he stares at all of you.

chenle turns the other way and crosses his arms, trying to not make his giggling obvious, jeno glances at all of you, still waiting for an answer to his question. donghyuck isn't laughing though, just looks at jeno and scrunches his nose.

"that wasn't— how is that all you got out of the conversation!?"

"i heard jaemin and virgin sacrifice in the same sentence so i put two and two together!"

and you might be asking— why aren't you guys doing your jobs? well sunday's are never busy, and even if you do get customers, they usually just do things on their own and only come to you to check out, ask for something minor, or just pay for their stuff and go.

so really, sunday's are just free days for you, all the eight of you do is stick around, probably do some missing schoolwork, and gossip (okay that's mostly donghyuck and chenle, but everyone participates in it once in a while), and while you know that's probably not what you should be doing when you can be restocking shelves or cleaning messes on the floor, but whenever you guys have a chance, you like to be lazy.

"speak of demons.." chenle mutters, pointing towards the door, where your manger can be seen on his way in.

donghyuck quickly hides his phone, and jaemin totally not suspiciously throws the ouija board on the ground, out of sight. "good morning" jeno politely greets, but the older man is anything but polite.

"it's almost twelve thirty".

"good afternoon then!" though his correction comes off as sweet, there's no hiding the obvious distaste in his voice, and jeno has to restrain himself from rolling his eyes because he doesn't want to be written up for "disrespect".

"how was yesterday?"

you laugh awkwardly, twirling your finger between your finger. now you could so easily eat jisung out and let him face the punishment he should face for the idiotic stunt he pulled the day prior, so you bite your inner cheek and do not say the words that laid on your tongue.

"fine, fine" you say, and it comes out so casually that it really seems like that's it. you can pretty much feel jisung's inner sigh of relief as you say those words.

"really?" he raises an eyebrow, totally suspicious, and you nod again, so so awkwardly that renjun has to touch your arm as a way to tell you to 'stop nodding'.

"i heard something about.. a fire?"

you awkwardly laugh out loud again, and you feel donghyuck pinch you, hard, as a way to say "cut it out and act natural".

"oh that was.." you pause, trying to figure out what exactly to say. "that was a false alarm! i left food on the microwave for too long and wasn't paying attention, so the fire alarm went off!"

you are so impressed with yourself, because you came up with that lie so fast it was like that scenario actually happened, if you weren't so anxious right now, you'd look like a natural, but you are currently very anxious, but you manage to keep standing.

well— that's mostly because jeno is rubbing your back, coaxing you just enough that you don't feel like you'll breakdown anytime soon.

"okay then.." he narrows his eyes weirdly at the eight of you, but you all just pretend that nothing is wrong. "make sure to.. you know, do your jobs?"

"yep!"

"we got you boss!"

the moment he leaves the room, you finally let out the breath you'd been keeping in for a good few minutes. your stomach curls uncomfortably, and you feel as if there's bile sitting in your throat.

you have no idea why you felt so bad, it's not like you haven't lied to your boss before, but this one time just makes you feel horrible, sick even.

"i'm gonna throw up".

you don't even try to talk to your fellow coworkers, just brush past them and make your way to the bathroom, having no time for any more small talk.

your day was just going amazing!

[theonethatyaks93]

Just One Kiss (PaTB/Brinky Fic)

Hello everyone!! It's kinda been a little while since you've heard from me but I'm back here with a little warmup I did so I could get myself ready to work on other things!! I honestly wasn't feeling too good about this one but I still wanna post it for all of you!! Thanks to @therealhayyhay for the confidence boost and the prompt this fic was based on! I hope you enjoy!!

Plot: All Pinky wants is kiss from Brain. Just one before they execute the plan. But Brain is focused on his work and doesn’t want to be disturbed. So, Pinky will have to get a kiss the hard way.

Pinky paced rapidly around the cage, the boredom and anticipation starting to affect his usually cheery mood. While instances like this weren’t unusual, for some reason, this time, he could barely sit still for a single second. All he could think about was the fun couple-y things he could be doing right now with his bestest and sweetest boyfriend in the world. Oh, how he wanted to kiss him and hold him tight, never letting go. The thought alone made him feel dizzy.

But Brain had been working on this plan for surely many hours! And he still wasn’t finished!

He was beginning to believe Brain would never complete his blueprint, especially since he hadn’t moved his oversized pencil in a few minutes. All he was doing was staring at the paper, eyes scanning the writing on it repeatedly. The only other motions from his face were the slight turning of his head from side to side and the occasional way his lips upturned into a slight scowl. He looked so focused.

And it was driving Pinky crazy.

The small shifts of his body made the lanky mouse antsy; he tried standing still to watch but he fidgeted in his spot instead. Every time Pinky noticed Brain’s mouth lift, he felt a sensational feeling in his stomach very much akin to butterflies. He bit his lower lip in an attempt to prevent his romantic thoughts from spilling out. That bite forced him to let out a light squeak, barely silencing him.

He really wanted a kiss from Brain. Right now. It only had to be one! He’d do anything to satisfy the ticklies in his tummy!

Taking in a deep breath, Pinky strolled a little bit closer to where Brain was seated, being able to make out the sketches on the paper. He hovered over his partner with slight curiosity and eagerness, hoping with all his heart that he’d agree to just one little smooch. He placed his paws on Brain’s shoulders, taking note of how his boyfriend stopped moving and how he seemed to relax. “Narf! Oh Brain! Are you almost done with your plan-thingy? It’s been hours and hours! I’m getting tired and you’re not doing anything!”

Brain took his eyes off his blueprints and glanced and Pinky, slightly groaning. He placed the oversized pencil on the ground before responding.  “Pinky, it’s only been twenty minutes since I began. If you’re so bored, then you can go read a magazine or watch T.V. But I’m working on tonight’s plan, and I don’t want to be disturbed by your inane comments or temper tantrums.” He returned his focus to the paper in front of him without saying anything else.

It had only been twenty minutes? Egad, it felt like a million-billion hours!

Pinky was slightly relieved that it hadn’t been too long, but he still felt those lovey-dovey-magical-fluttery feelings swirling inside. He needed a kiss, so he could respect Brain’s wishes and not bother him for much longer. Then he’d go do something else. He promised Brain that.

“But Brain, I just wanted to ask for a…mhmmm…” His hold on Brain shifted from his shoulders to the sides of his face. Yet he kept on stuttering. Those words he wanted to say wouldn’t come out, though he was really trying.  

Brain looked at him again, a quizzical expression shown prominently on his face. “Ask for what exactly, Pinky?”

“Can I just have one little kiss before I go? Zort. Please, Brainy?”

Whew! He’d said it. That wasn’t so hard!

Pinky felt a blush creeping onto his face, a sheepish smile forming rapidly. Asking for kisses wasn’t exactly the simplest task. It was always a guess with what Brain would say about kissing during a plan. Sometimes it was a yes, sometimes it was a no. That’s just how it worked. But he really wanted it to be yes this time.

However, the previous excitement faded away a little when Brain’s face contorted into a sharp frown, his eyebrows turned downward.

“Pinky, not now. I’m working on my plan still and I need to concentrate. You know the rules for world domination plans. I can’t have any distractions, even ones from you. We can do that after tonight.” Brain moved from Pinky and turned around, back facing his companion as he returned to his musings.

His ears drooped and his heart sank like the Titanic. After tonight was such a long time to wait for a kiss! He couldn’t not think about kisses until that point. He needed Brain’s love now! He’d been so patient already!

Without a moment’s hesitation, Pinky wrapped his arms around his lover and held him firmly, whimpering and whining. “Please, Brain? I only want one before the you do the plan. Just one! Is that too much to ask for? We’re boyfriends! We’re supposed to do that! Please?”

A growl was elicited from Brain. He removed Pinky’s paws from him and stood up, an annoyed expression on his face, despite the slight reddish glow on his cheeks. “No, Pinky! Affection and kissing can wait until later. Plans come first! Now, go and leave me be! You’ve already distracted me enough.”

The taller mouse backed off from Brain, giving the shorter mouse enough room to settle back down in front of his blueprints as he went back to pondering some more. While Pinky felt a little bad about making his bestest friend so angry with his pleas, he knew that Brain probably wanted kisses as much as he did.

Suddenly, a rezvelation popped into his head, causing him to perk up.

Brain was playing tough to get! Like in those movies with the teens and the popular kids trying to go after the athlete boys! He was so smart!

Pinky grinned at this, fondly snickering at the fact that Brain might have been attempting to flirt with him. But he couldn’t get away without a fight! Pinky needed a kiss from him. But Brain wasn’t playing fair. Pinky supposed that it was his turn to give it a try.  

If Brain wanted to play a game, he would happily join in. It was a competition to see who could last the longest without kissing the other! What fun! Brain was already doing such a remarkable job! But it was time for Pinky to even the score!

Sighing contently with his happiness restored and a newfound confidence present, Pinky sauntered back over to Brain, adjusting his posture to appear more seductive and sultrier. He stuck out a hip, placed one paw on his shoulder, and moved the other one to cup Brain’s cheek. He chuckled quietly before starting his round in the game. Before he began, he made sure to change his voice a little so that Brain would notice.

“Hello, Brain. Fancy meeting you here at this hour. Poit!”

The megalomaniac grumbled, clear irritation lingering in his body language. “Pinky if you ask for an insipid kiss one more time, I swear I shall…”

Before he could finish, Pinky used his paw to turn Brain’s head to look at him, where he batted his eyelashes fervently and pursed out his lips in a pout.

He nearly dropped his suave composure when he saw Brain’s face change from displeasure into a flustered stare, his face turning a light red and eyes widening. Brain was doing a fine job of holding his ground! But he couldn’t lose the challenge! He wanted Brain to be the one to kiss him!

“Like what you see huh?” Pinky moved his body around, tail swishing. Carefully and slowly, he moved his paw from his hip to Brain’s shoulder, kneeling as he pulled himself closer to his boyfriend. “I’d say I’m quite a catch if I do say so meself. Which I just did.”

Brain swallowed heavily, his blush darkening in shade. He tried to regain his words, but they invaded him; he was practically tongue-tied. “Pinky…t-this i-is highly inappropriate for…the current…”

Pinky pressed a finger to Brain’s mouth, preventing him from saying anything further. “Shhh, no more talking. You’ll only ruin this for yourself. Troz. Your big words will only keep you from me longer.” He kept his tone low as he began toying with Brain’s ear, biting back a laugh when it twitched in response.

“A big, handsome, strong mouse such as you deserves all the love in the world. And I wanna give it to you. In more ways than one. Just let me have you, babe. I care about you, and I want you to be so very happy. I’ll make you happy, trust me, Brain.” He was nailing this. Brain was basically gasping for air, and he was as red as a tomato! Pinky stroked the fur on Brain’s chest, humming in approval at the soft moan Brain made in reply.

“W-what are you d-do-”

“Hush, hush, honey,” Pinky briefly moved a paw so his fingers could trace along the curvature of Brain’s face. When he touched Brain’s nose, the megalomaniac froze. “Let me do the talking for you. Your face is marvelous and absolutely gorgeous. Your eyes shine like the night sky. Well, more like a pretty sunrise but it’s not too far off. Someone could get lost in them if they stared too long. I know I have.”

“Y-you…h-have?”

His grasp on Brain increased as he advanced closer so their faces could be at level. “I’ve gotten lost many times in your eyes, Brain. They make me feel so special. And your nose is so perfect and round. What more could you want? Zort.”

As he continued to trace his fingers the fur on Brain chest, Pinky took his other paw and rested it on Brain’s cheek, using his thumb to rub it. “Are you a marshmallow, Brainy? Hard on the outside but melty and gooey and soft on the inside? It sure seems that way. I bet I can make that soft side come out and stay. If I try hard enough.”

Pinky nearly kissed Brain after he’d said that, especially after the whine Brain made, so high and stunned. He needed to keep going though, he needed the kiss.

Before returning his attention to his face, Pinky buried his face into Brain’s shoulder, lightly nipping at his collarbone. A small bite didn’t count as breaking rules according to Pinky. It wasn’t a kiss so he thought it would work enough! Brain made a quiet yelp after the nip, nearly causing Pinky to lose again.

But he would not give up.

Brain tried speaking up, but he could only muster a funny sound. Pinky took this is a sign to move onto something new, so he placed one paw on Brain’s while moving the other to tease Brain’s lips.

This would surely make Brain kiss him!

“Your lips are like clouds Brain. Has anyone ever told you that? They’re stunning and warm and gentle, like pillows almost. I would definitely like to put my lips against yours for a long time. Poit! It would be a magical experience for me. And hopefully for you too.” Pinky kept his hand lightly gliding across Brain’s lips for a while until he moved his paws back to Brain’s chest.

 Brain was finally able to speak after Pinky’s touch left his face. “P-Pinky…what…did I s-say about a-asking f-for…kisses.”

“I know what you said, Brain. You said I couldn’t ask you about a kiss right now.” Pinky inched closer to his partner, sliding his fingers along Brain’s spine as their chests made contact. He could hear Brain’s breath hitch and his heartbeat was erratic, which caused him to smirk a little at what he’d done. “But you never said that I couldn’t do this stuff. The kind words, the touching, the teeny bites. I didn’t hear you say no to those. Narf! I know you love them.” He traced a finger under Brain’s chin and nuzzled his nose against Brain’s.

Brain shuddered, sweat forming on his forehead so quickly it was somewhat startling. “I-I guess…y-you make a… valid point.” He gave in a little, moving his paws to hold Pinky by the waist.

Oh, he was winning the game! Brain wasn’t playing tough! In fact, Pinky didn’t know what Brain was playing anymore, but he liked where it was going.

Pinky purred, moving both hands to rest on Brain’s cheeks again. He continued to keep his face close to Brain, feeling his partner’s quick breaths against his fur. “You’re so beautiful, darling. You sparkle like one of those pretty flowers. You smell like one too. Poit! If only you’d realize how special and important you are. But I can help with that.”

“Pinky…” Brain muttered, though his voice waivered as soon as he started. He unknowingly tugged the other mouse closer to him, their noses touching again.

Oooh Brain was about to break! Just a few more attempts to woo and the game would be over!

Pinky rested his forehead against Brain’s. He smiled a little before speaking in a flirty whisper. “I love you, Brain. I hope you know that. I love you more than life itself. I wanna hold you and squeeze you forever and ev-”

He was cut short when he felt a pair of lips crash into his own abruptly, leaving him in shock. The kiss was aggressive and needy, yet it still felt tender. Pinky sighed and moaned softly, reciprocating Brain’s affections with ease. He felt Brain’s paws travel from his waist to his chest as he deepened the kiss. It was utter bliss and a welcomed finish to Pinky’s intense seduction.

Brain pulled out to breathe, his face a pleasant crimson shade. Pinky was breathless, though he was also excited because he had finally gotten a kiss out of his grumpy bestest boyfriend. He gazed lovingly at Brain, who was smiling quite a bit.

“Was that enough to please you, my dear?” Brain spoke quietly, grabbing Pinky by the shoulders and holding him.

Pinky began to giggle, returning to his normal high-pitched voice. “Oh, it was amazing, Brain! I’m sooo happy! Poit!” He quickly kissed Brain’s cheek before adjusting his posture. “You can go back to working on your plan now. I promised I’d leave you alone after I got a kiss.”

He was prepared to get up and leave when his arms got firmly grasped. He was surprised when he saw Brain restraining him from moving, holding him in place. “Uhm, Brain? What are you doing?

The pink-eyed mouse looked super lovestuck. “I did say that before, yes. But I might have been mistaken in my priorities. I believe that you are certainly more important than the plan. So, uh…”

“What is it, Brain?”

Brain inhaled sharply. “So, I think we can hold off tonight’s escapade for a… few hours. It wouldn’t hurt me that much.”

Pinky gasped. “Naaaarf! Egad! Do you mean that you want to kiss some more? Not just because I asked?”

He nodded. “I believe that it will be an effective way for me to replenish my energy and also so I may spend some quality time with you. You only asked for one kiss, but I don’t want to give just one. You don’t deserve that. You are far too alluring currently, Pinky.”

“Braaaaain!” Pinky squealed, his face turning red as he pulled his boyfriend close. “You are just the sweetest and nicest and lovingest mouse alive! Troz! I would love more kisses. I always love that!”

“I’m glad you love me, Pinky. Even though you’re an imbecile, I suppose you are in fact my imbecile.” Brain pulled Pinky to him, and their noses became squished together. He held Pinky’s paws in his, intertwining their fingers. “And by Ptolemy’s sake, I am madly in love with you.”

Pinky swooned. “I’m madly in love with you too,” he murmured delicately so that only Brain would hear him.

Before either one could say anything more, Pinky and Brain’s lips met again for a longer and far more passionate kiss. Pinky felt all fluttery as he felt Brain’s body press against his. Pinky also melted inside when Brain was the one to produce a gentle noise. When they parted for a quick breath, Pinky wasted no time in placing his mouth against Brain’s again.

As they kissed and kissed, Pinky felt victorious. Mainly because he was getting kisses from his sweet and lovey-dovey Brain, but also because he’d won the game. Brain had kissed first! But he supposed that the feeling of a win came second to the real prize: having Brain truly love him so much. While Pinky knew that Brain was sometimes a tough and rough cookie, he also knew that Brain would always love him no matter what happened.

He was positive that Brain realized how much he loved him too.

Ao3 link:

[lucy-the-demon]

Lucy goes on a ramble about character designs and how Harveys character design sucks in comparison to others

Hear me out.

The best character designs in my opinion are designs that tell you something about the character, very few times deviating from that actually work

Let's start by comparing Raymond to Harvey Both work in an office of some sort, they're similar looking, but Raymond has more personality and looks way better then Harvey (in my opinion)

Raymond is a smug villager from animal crossing, they're charismatic, snarky and full of themselves.

Harvey Is there.. but let's talk about what little personality i can see with him. He's anxious, he's quiet but he's apparently kind and extremely patient

Theirs a reason why people were in love with Raymond in 2020, overrated or not the character is well designed.

When i look at Harvey, I see a serial killer or a creep, intimidating perhaps, not an anxious guy who's sweet and extremely patient with everyone. His older designs looked more like that than the final design.

When I look at Raymond, I see a snarky charismatic, office worker. Which is exactly what he is

And Sdv has great character designs,

Like Shane he looks disheveled, he looks tired, his hoodie has holes in it and it's stretched out implying it needs to be replaced, it's been overused. his hair is oily, it implies that hes messy and doesn't care about himself which is exactly what he is. It's amazing character design, it's absolutely fantastic and it makes me absolutely go feral

Sam is another great example, his collar stands up, showing he's rebellious, his clothes look like something a rock star would wear, but his color palette is bright and welcoming which makes him look friendly and approachable, charismatic even, which is exactly who he is, he's very friendly to everyone he meets it seems.

I could go on forever about all the great Stardew valley character designs (Elliott, Sebastian, Maru, etc..) but we dont have all day.

I'm very passionate about character design if you can't tell.

But Harvey's character design says nothing that explains his personality, it says nothing, it shows the opposite of kind, patient and friendly, he looks intimidating to me, I don't think that's what concerned ape was going for when he made him as I said his older designs portrayed that anxious patient and sweet personality more than his final design does.

This really is a shit post and a half but I don't know what to say really, i just wanted to talk about character design and how Harvey's character design isn't very good. In my opinion at least

Disclaimer:

Even though I don't like Harvey, I won't shame you for liking him as a character, I like to poke fun at fans of Harvey but that's just it, just poking fun. It's a joke, I like to make jokes but whether they're funny or not is up to you, but this is a genuine thing I feel, that his character design doesn't reflect him as a character and it doesn't make him feel approachable or friendly to me, he freaks me out really and scares me away. His character design poorly reflects his personality to me at least.

The artists of this fandom do better work reflecting his character with than the game itself does despite the poor design he was given, but that's just the magic of art style and expression it's probably hard to reflect his personality despite the design he has. It can be done, I've seen people do it very well but sadly the game did him dirty I'd say at least in the design category. No offense to concerned ape though, most of this game is very well done and absolutely beautiful, honestly i could never do pixel art as well as he can and i won't even attempt it honestly, I'll stick to my mechanical pencils and paper to sketch and my tablet to digitalize it.

But that's all really I gotta say here, I'll see ya later..

[yuraslefttoe]

hey, it's me again! I came to pester you with questions!! *there should be a scary laugh, but it sounds more like mean giggles*

(by the way, I’m thinking about sending you such long texts with questions (because I have a lot of them!!) once one or two weeks, if you don’t mind. . . . . . .you don't mind..??? (god, I hope you don’t get tired of me..!) I'm so sorry, please, I'm just very interested!! *qwq*)

ok, let's start with the sweetest part, prelude. ACTUALLY, I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT YOU REPLY SO QUICKLY, GOD, NOT PASSED A FEW HOURS!!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU HAD TOO MANY QUESTIONS SO I DID NOT EXPECT A SO SOON REPLY!!

I’ll remind you once again how much I adore your work (after all, you deserve it!!), and I’ll also say that I specifically shouldn’t talk about posts tagged with the  adm, because I’ve read your tumblr and twitter in its entirety several times, I even have a separate album in my gallery with answers that particularly interested me, there are several hundred screenshots there and I don’t regret anything! (sorry if my hyperfixation may be intimidating!!)

*=^._.^= ∫*

and now the questions!!!! 

1. my wife doesn’t have a tumblr, but her suggestion interested me and can be seen in the first two screenshots(the translation sounds like: “after the release of “red hour” I have an assumption that andrey is more... athletic than misha. either this is because of ferry’s drawing style, or he really has such wide shoulders")so now we are interested to know about the physique of your characters!! maybe some of them are thin, or vice versa, a little overweight. and what about physical training? did you have any headcanons for this??? ( by the way, when I ask about “characters” I mean not only misha and andrey, but also europe and maya, because they are also worthy of attention <зз) 

2. what about the abbreviation "dyusha" for andrey? in russian it is... not used very often, but still, it sounds very cute. so it would be interesting to know how you would feel about this? 3. I also want to hear about the names of the characters!! how did you choose them? I mean........ how did it happen that from ☺europa☺ you switched to 👹MiKhAiL👹?? (I'M SO SORRY, BUT MISHA'S FULL NAME SOUNDS SOMETHING THREATENING. MY UNCLE'S DOG HAS THE SAME NAME EHE- *ᕕ(ಥ▽ಥ)ᕗ*) 

4. and lastly, let's return to my wife for another moment. she suggested that andrey was now also in a time loop. what do you say about that? and also in enigma, she noticed that misha seemed to be addressing the second person in the lines: "and if you wanted to be anything more than just free" and "you��ve seen a hundred lies I see that all the time". is this second person a viewer? or maybe one of the previously mentioned characters??

the last photo, by the way, is one of the sketches that I found so far in my gallery! ^^ 

initially it was planned to attach two sketches, but andrey turned out TOO bad, I’m ashamed to show him. someday I'll redraw it into something normal.... maybe. but! I really like the pic with misha and the wolf(I hope this is the wolf you were talking about lol. google didn’t show me anything else, and I’ve never been to ikea myself, ehe...) 

(and I don’t want to post all this yet, because running a tumblr was certainly not part of my plans, haha)) I registered here solely to read your blog, and not to maintain my own) 

sorry again for possible illiteracy, and also for the chaotic nature of my thoughts, haha, I don’t know how to adequately express them in english.. and also, I’m really REALLY apologize that the text was too long, next time I’ll try to be shorter...

okay im gonna try and answer everything here in a coherent way so sorry if nothing makes sense

im just fine with lotes of questions :) answering asks and responding to comments is one of my favorite things ever and i brings a verry big smile to my face

on andrei: i consider him to be a skinny little gut but not exactly unathletic, and in addition i think he would have basic combat training and probably be good with firearms. misha is probably a very average bodytype, nothing special, not particularly athletic.

i do not speak russian (though ferry has recently encouraged me to learn so maybe in like four years ill be able to form a sentence) so i dont know anything about the short forms so you can do whatever you want. if you coin it and peoples tart calling him that i will not stop it from happening

i do not name my characters, i usually let me friends name them (i think that the only one i named was europa and his partner). going forward maybe ill try to make it more cohesive

the time loop idea im seeing thrown around alot is really cool and while i havent particularly wrote any of my songs about that in general i see it fitting into the loose narrative i have going on. also in enigma misha is definitely talking to andrei whenever he says the word "you" but it could also be to the listener because the entire theme of enigma is 4th wall breaking and meta shenanigans like that

that sketch is SO CUTE oh my god

[aceofspades-sml]

My extensive thoughts on the main characters in Newsies uk

Last post about the show I promise but I have too much to say about those guys

(Again I was sat in Manhattan and everything you guys know the drill at this point )

Starting off with Jack !

He has so many emotions ??? Like Michael is so good at portraying Jack's feelings here, and I think the one that comes back the most throughout the show is anger. He is angry at the world, he is angry because the newsies' life is literally so unfair, and don't get me started on his disgust toward Katherine in act 2. Like he doesn't even want to be near her he is staying as far away from her as possible and that's very striking

And that's the thing about Jack's anger, he is never just angry he is also incredibly sad and bitter ?? You can see exactly how broken this boy is and I love it

Also his version of Santa fe is legit so sad. Because first of all, he really makes you notice that Jack just got out of a fight. He is soaked and tired, stuggles to walk and has to hold on to everything he can find to keep his balance. And the way he sings is kind of a mix of angry and hopeless and his voice breaks and it hurts so much

And the final note ?? One of the best I've heard, it's not only the tone it's the emotion in his voice it's the way he is reaching desperately for something he knows he can't get and you can really feel that in this one note

I have so much stuff to say about hopeless Jack and I need to talk about his attitude in the watch what happens reprise because he is literally tired of this, he is desperate and genuinely scared for all his guys because he just wants to protect them and he can't. And that's why he gives up later on in Pulitzer's office, because the mention of Crutchie is enough to literally break him so don't even try telling him about Davey and other newsies going to the refuge

His speech at the rally is so heartbreaking istg I can't deal with this. The way his voice just breaks on every sentence because he understands exactly what's at stake here. And his "how long can you go without making money" line ? I'm like 99% sure he was speaking directly to Tommy boy. Tommy boy who had been a scab, and the last of them to join the strike. It's so specific and so cruel but at the same time devastating because Jack knows his newsies so well. He knows Tommy boy will be vulnerable to this I-

Also after the rally the newsies all pass by Jack shooting him darks looks and he just. Doesn't want to look them in the eyes. Excuse me while I scream in my pillow

His relationship with Katherine was very interesting too. Their dynamic was actually quite different from anything I've seen, overall much more genuine and less superficial than in some productions

+ during I never planned on you, his physical comedy is literally adorable ?? Like he makes Kath pose for him to sketch her and at some point he even tilts her chin up

One more thing I have to talk about, because getting a poc Jack is absolutely amazing and it changes so much stuff in the show ??? Like not explicitely, but the undertones are really different in the context of Jack being black. E.g. his entire Seize the day monologue feels so much more emotional, and Michael really speaks slowly to insist on every single line and make sure we know what he is talking about

Another striking scene about this is Something to believe in. I think that's part of why I said the Jack x Kath dynamic hit different, because this context really changes everything in this song, with the turning point being "I know girls like you don't wind up with guys like me". And it's not just about Jack being poor it's about him knowing very well what having a different skin color means in this world and he is scared to hell about it

The point I'm trying to make is that having a poc Jack gives a whole new dimension to the show and I absolutely adore the way Michael chooses to show this

Also I want to talk about Javey because why not but uh let me tell you Jack does not like Davey at the beginning. He is actually mean and when he talks about needing Les to sell newspapers he is clearly implying "but I don't need you." This changes later on, I really liked the scene before they run from Snyder when Jack thinks Davey need a place to sleep because it feels like okay I don't like your vibe but you're one of my guys now so I want to protect you

Anyway they become closer after that but yeah the way this dynamic starts off is very different

But then they become so intimate ?? I'll come back to this with Davey but they actually get close physically and emotionally, not only with the strike but also because they genuinely start liking each other. I think you need the context of the fandom's vision of Javey to appreciate this relationship development to it's fullest but when you have it boy oh boy

Davey < 333

This may not all be coherent because the most constructive thing I can say about him atm is very close to "alekkkajja" so deal with me here

He is autistic. And gay. Ryan kopel I owe you my soul for this

The first time he comes on stage it already looks pretty clear that he is extremely anxious socially, and as the show goes on it's literally obvious that this guy is autistic as hell

He is stimming for the entire show ??? Always fidgeting and doing something with his hands, little nervous gestures all the time, stuttering when he has to speak in front of people...

When I say stuttering, I mean it. At the beginning it's clearly because he is extremely anxious and doesn't want to speak up on front of the others, he is refraining himself from saying what he really thinks. But then it changes ! Character development !!! He starts stuttering because he is rephrasing what he wants to say so he can make it clear, not because he is afraid to speak up !

Also his character development as a whole is just so amazing. It's not just the way he gets more self-assured throughout the show, it's the way he is clearly becoming more comfortable with all the other newsies ! It's the way at the beginning he is standing very far from the other (literally the other end of the stage) because he doesn't want to be a part of the strike, and then he goes toward them, he comforts them. It's the way he goes from the scared guy who stutters all the way through the "you gave me nineteen" line, to the guy who has to speak up at the rally in front of all the others ! And it's so clear he does not want to do this, he would rather be anywhere else, but he still has the courage to do it ! I could go on for hours about this but the way he gains self-assurance is just. So interesting.

Obv I can't talk about this without talking about the watch what happens reprise. For me it was the moments where I could really see how much he had changed (and how autistic he was) because he is just so excited ! He is talking fast and loudly, he goes toward Jack, tries to establish physical contact with him ! He just got so comfortable around him, he feels free to behave like this with Jack ! Also plotwise this is really the best interpretation of this scene imo, because his excitement is SO contrasting with Jack's hopelessness and it makes the whole dialogue 100% more moving

Also the way his voice goes from "is that a real place ?" = excited bc Jack you're so talented - to "ohhh is that Santa Fe ?" = okay this is bad

Also "we. Are. Inevitable." *Ninja pose*

+ "tell me how quitting does Crutchie any good ?" "Exactly" in the most I-told-you-so singsong voice ever

Did I ever mention this boy is gay

The scene after Jacobi's ? That's gay flirting if I have ever seen it. "Why don't you come over ?- TO MEET MY FOLKS" yeah sure we believe that

"It's- it's good to have you back again" he is so bright and happy and it's just adorable to watch pls

Idk who cares about this but um. When they all get in the triangle to say their names during Seize the day. He says Davey. He doesn't say David. He calls himself Davey. I'm gonna need a moment to recover from this

Coming back to the "being comfortable around Jack" thing but !! The reaction to meeting the governor !!!! When Roosevelt's shakes Jack's hand Davey runs toward him excitedly and they both fangirl so hard like "bro did you see what just happened ???"

Okay one last thing and i'll stop but he is incredibly protective of Les. During Seize the day he is the one to drag him away from the fight instead of Jack and during the rally he is pulling Les behind him to prevent Jack from getting to him and that's honestly so heartbreaking because it also shows how deeply disgusted he is with Jack at this moment

Yes I'll stop now sorry but I love this Davey so much you don't even know

Katherine

I'm gonna be honest here, I never really liked Katherine. But Bronté's Kath ? I can and will die for her

She seems to be more aware of the situation. Like in Watch what happens and at Jacobi's she seems to actually understand what is at stake, maybe even more so than some of the boys

Also she is very responsible, during WWK she is on the aisles (right-hand side looking at the stage), taking notes about what the boys are doing ; and when she meets them at Jacobi's, instead of giving in to them turning her down and to Jack's flirting later on, she always tries to come back to the topic at hand= the strike. Imo this was very nice because it establishes her as an actual and serious reporter

Due to this it actually feels like she is very present in the show, because I think part of why I didn't like Katherine before was bc I felt as if she was established more as a plot device for Jack's love story than as an actual character (that's only my opinion tho). But here she really appears as a reporter who is essential to the strike, like a mix of Broadway!Kath and 92!Denton, which makes her whole arc so much more interesting imo

Sidenote but this essential role is also shown when she is the only one we see on stage looking at the banner at the end of Once and for all which is really cool

And she is so sassy ??? Like at Jacobi's she replies to the boy's insults in a very sarcastic tone, and during watch what happens she goes "a girl ? It's a girl ! Is that even legal ?" and mimics/mocks the attitude of the editors . Okay queen

"the guy painting places he has never seen is calling us crazy ?" is said to Davey instead of Jack

Also yeah "now would be a good time to shut up" I think a guy behind me gasped so yeah thanks queen

After the rally the emotion in her voice felt SO real and genuine. The way she proposes her plan to Jack feels like she is trying real hard to make up for not telling him everything, because she knows she has no excuse for it so now she can only try to do her best to make him forgive her. Also if I'm being honest, I never really liked Something to believe in as a song, but again, Michael and Bronté actually made me fall in love with it. Their voice were really intense - tho it was last sunday's show so I can't tell if this level of emotion with their voices almost breaking is and everytime thing or if Bronté was really losing it. Which, fair.

Moving on to Crutchie !

YES ??? This interpretation of Crutchie is just so different (in a really positive way)

Just to make it clear, I love AKB and I have nothing against his Crutchie. But after years of watching Crutchie be this little soft ball of sunshine who sometimes talks to Jack, this one really felt like he was finally allowed to express his full potential on stage

Because boy this Crutchie is loud. He is center stage. You can't miss him, he is always whistling, talking loudly, being noticed, you don't have a choice but to see him, you can't just not aknowledge him because he is right here and he makes you notice him

Also he is like. Essential to the narrative. Because he has a clear leadership role toward the other boys (telling them to run after Seize the day...). And his relationship with Jack is incredibly important here, from the beginning to the end it's them, Crutchie and Jack. That's established very clearly in the Prologue, but to me the most important scene to show this was the WWH reprise. Because Jack is so heartbroken and hopeless because of Crutchie. He is almost giving up because he's so genuinely scared for him. And don't even get me started on Jack's attitude when Pulitzer talks about Crutchie in the refuge bc my boy is this close to a breakdown

Also due to this Letter from the refuge hurts so much ?? He misses Jack and all the boys, and he clearly put the accent on telling Jack to take care of all the others ! To protect them !! He is in the refuge and all he wants his to know his friends are safe !

And his whole arc his so much darker in this ?? He is very aware of their situation, willing to buy the papers before the World will know and when Henry asks "at those prices ?" his answer is a very definitive "like we got a choice ?". And when he gets beat up after Seize the day he is actually pleading very loudly for the boys to come back for him and for Wiesel not to hit him. In Letter from the Refuge he actually seems to be in physical pain, and at the end when he gets back from the Refuge it's not just "yeah I got back that's nice" it's literally yes I went through hell and I came back. And oh boy his "may I ?" before cuffing Snyder and hitting him ? He's not joking around, he actually wants to make him pay for what he did

This is the Crutchie this fandom deserved and I would die for him thank you very much

And finally (yes I'm almost done I promise), Race !!!

Okay this is definitely my favorite Race

He has nothing to do with Ben's Race. If you ask me, he is much more like 92sies Race, though obviously not the same

He isn't just a goofy idiot joking around, he is really mature. He is one of the oldest and most mature newsies, and it shows, through the way he dresses and his attitude as a whole

Yes he still likes messing around, like in King of New York, but he is also very responsible toward the other newsies and is really shown as Jack's right-hand man, with many scenes where it's really obvious that he has a leadership role. E.g. at the beginning with his "Henry get down here", and during once and for all when he seems to be giving instructions to the newsies around the stage. Also he clearly cares a lot about them and wants to protect them so yeah overall a much more mature Race than what we got with Broadway

From what I saw he is still very close to Albert, and also to Specs ? Which makes sense because they are all among the oldest newsies. Finch also hangs out with them sometimes but less frequently

Also he is literally rough around the edges. He is actually ready to pick up a fight with the Delanceys at the beginning and oh boy don't get him stressed because then he is ready to lose it

Okay I really want to talk about his relationship with Davey because um. Race actively dislikes him for a solid half of the show (let's just assume no one likes Davey at the beginning okay). His "aren't we the hoi poloi ?" is actually mean. Maybe my take is entirely wrong, but imo the way Race sees it, Davey is just that priviledged guy who suddenly came in and has no idea what's at stake for most of the newsies, and he very strongly despises him for it. And at the beginning he is clearly not happy with Davey putting his guys in danger with the strike, which comes back to the idea of him being a leader and having to care for the younger newsies. Overprotective Race we stan

This changes after Seize the day tho, during Kony they actually seem to get closer and establish an intimate bond during the song

Also at some point (I think Seize the day ?) he gives Les a piggyback which is pretty cute

Okay I promise now I'm done ranting but this version of the show is actually amazing because the actors have an entirely different take from the Brodway show so it really feels like you're rediscovering it all over again

[studynxiety]

06/09/2023

Lately, I have been tired. I am not sure if it's burnout, a random depressive episode or executive dysfunction. All I know is I haven't been really doing as much as I could be. I didn't want to admit it since I was still doing enough to get 80% on most tests and things could be worse.

Looking back, however, I haven't really done much that enjoy lately. I don't remember the last time I turned on some good music and wrote away, burning the midnight candle for something that made me alive. And there has been this constant knot of anxiety at the bottom of my stomach. So, things haven't been vibrant but things aren't exactly bad. It's like waking up on the wrong side of the bad; nothing's horrible but everything's off nonetheless.

All this is to say, I think I need to bounce back and I'm done being passive for this year. I've always been ambitious and I'm going to start pursuing things I want again. I woke up today feeling weirdly motivated so I've decided to start the 100 days of productivity challenge!

Things I hope to achieve from this challenge:

Become good enough in Physics that I can enjoy it again

Finish at least half of the CS50 course

Study for SATS

Make a complete compilation of which Unis to apply to

Finish at least two WIPs

Get better at French

Extra/Less-prioritized goals:

Get abs

learn to cook

Sketch/Draw more often

I think there will be two main obstacles in the way of me accomplishing these things. The first will be finding time. Most of the goals I've mentioned are things I have been putting off for more immediate concerns or just, generally, people needing me for things in the present that need to be dealt with but don't have much of an impact in the future.

The second problem is my undeniable internet addiction. Okay, I feel like internet addiction is too broad; my addiction to constantly consume some form of creative media, be it in the form of books, movies, TV shows, anime, cartoon, comics, or fanfiction. I really need to cut down on that. I think this will be the most difficult part. I'll try cutting out serialized content and instead explore more indie books and movies again. They're usually less addictive but fulfilling in the same.

As always, I'll be ending this post with some talk about the most recent shows that I have been enjoying, which is kind of ironic given the previous paragraph is me just complaining about my inability to stay away from them. Lately, I have been into the ongoing Kdrama "My Lovely Liar." I think the chemistry between the main characters is great and the mystery is alluring. An 8/10 in my books.

Other than that, I've been watching "The Boys." Currently, in season three. It's one heck of a show and it's just so believable and feels like a mirror to reality. The corporate greed of pharmaceutical firms, the corruption among the people who have sworn to protect us, and how hard the world works ... only to maintain the status quo. I think it's very interesting and directly draws parallels to the real world. It's definitely a 10/10 for me. The world building, characters, humour; everything hits just right.

That's all for today. I'll do some chemistry, look over the CS50 course and fill out some forms for some official stuff today and kickstart the productivity challenge tomorrow. I'll try to be more active on tumblr during the 100 days as I need something to keep me accountable. Here is to hoping for better me's and better days and better outcomes.

[feeblescholarmyass]

Headcanons

to motivate me to write chapter three

these all take place after they're all together and are completely separate from the plot

tags: poly relationship, Sumeru Boys x GN! Reader, sfw, fluff, slight spoilers for the fic in the future but idgaf (wanderer/scara is now involved. I can't get him oUT OF MY HEAD)

cw: cursing (mild), mentions of the reader's parents (m&f, good relationship)

masterlist

Alhaitham

I'm gonna be totally honest rn if you're hella tall good for you but I see the reader as like Cyno height so keep that in mind

Haitham here is definitely going to do that thing where he pretends not to see/hear you because of your height (half because you startle him all the time since he doesn't see OR hear you approaching)

he's not that big of a fiction reader but he loves listening to you recount the plot of your latest favorite book or fic and sometimes he actually gets really into hearing you tell the story so if you leave him off on a cliffhanger if you need to go do something he will seek you out until you finish telling him the story

if you're in his way/can't reach something he just like,,, picks you up

say you're putting away the dishes or standing in front of a cabinet he'll lift you up by your waist either to help you reach something or to put you down somewhere else

smells really nice so sometimes you take his shirts or something when you're at home all day and you look like you're wearing a tent and he notices but doesn't say anything unless he wants to get his laundry done and reminds you to put his things you took in with the rest of it

both your parents have mixed feelings on him but he doesn't give any shits

Kaveh

You two definitely spend hours alone in the studio of your shared living space sketching either in silence or having the most distracted conversations ever

he'll be designing something meanwhile you're sketching one of your boyfriends (one of the actual ones or some character from a book you've decided is cute)

and he'll look up at you and ask "what's missing?" while holding up the sketch

you'll spin around (of course you've got the spinny chairs you aren't living unless you have a nice spinny chair) and peer over at it for a while, the either describe it or sketch something down silently and he'll go "that's exactly what it needed!"

and vice versa

say you're having trouble with a pose/lighting/detail and you'll point at it and say "how do I fix it" and he'll give you a few pointers or suggestions

eventually one of the others has to remind you to leave and go get some sunlight and both of you will be shocked at how much time has passed

also y'all know that voice line where he says he's already learned to play an instrument? you learned to play along with your father at a young age and now being able to play together makes both of you so happy 🥺🥺

I can totally see him trying to practice one day but just not being into it until he hears you harmonizing to what he's playing, either with your voice or your instrument of choice

and don't get me started on the improv opportunities

like he plays one pattern and you build off each other back and forth until you're both tired and giggling

he cherishes those moments with you the most, seeing as how art is so rarely appreciated as highly as academics in Sumeru

both of your parents adore him and ask about him all the time

Tighnari

as your Amurta senior he gets on your ass about schoolwork even more than Alhaitham 😔😔😔

but you don't mind since he helps you with your work rather often

he is the most worried about your health so he checks up on you rather often. if you're inside for too long, he'll ask you to take a walk outside with him. if you haven't eaten yet, he'll make you a meal and chastise you for forgetting to take care of yourself. if you've been a little overwhelmed lately, he will sit down with you and keep your mind off what is stressing you, either by snuggling with you and talking nonsense about fungi or a grooming session for the both of you (face masks and painting of nails, the whole shabang)

of the four, he also is the most critical of the way some (*cough cough*, Scara, Alhaitham, and Kaveh's endless bickering *cough cough*) of the others act around you. If you ever need a break from them, he is more than willing to pull you away.

very open with his feelings and affections for you, almost as much so as Kaveh, who is ever such a romantic

not against PDA, but if you're not a fan he keeps his hands to himself. in public, he loves soft, quick brushes of his hand against your back or cheek, a quick kiss stolen in the privacy of your home

also top tier cuddler. of all the five, he finds himself sleeping in your bed the most often.

your mother absolutely adores him

Cyno

he definitely had some trouble getting the hang of things in the beginning, especially with being affectionate

he gets very flustered 🤭🤭 sometimes you'll say something to him with so much adoration in your voice that he'll just go silent and stare at you with the most loving look in his eyes like he just witnessed magic

he once tried to throw in a pick-up line with his usual joking, but got wayyyy too embarrassed and ended up not saying the punchline, instead just staring at his feet with a mortified look

you love to play with his hair, trying out new hairstyles and cute accessories in his hair. any time you ask he'll sit down and let you do his hair. he doesn't say it, but he loves sitting like that, with his eyes closed and your thighs around his waist as he feels your fingers combing through his hair. sometimes he even lets you cut it if it's getting too bothersome or has a lot of split ends

gets along with your dad scarily well like you didn't think he would get past that awkward "yeah I'm dating your child yeah I know it's weird yeah please don't hate me" stage but now your dad texts him every day and they go back and forth making jokes all day every day

he taught your dad emojis and now it's the only way your dad communicates with you

there are so many more for him that I can't say yet because it spoils the plot

Scaramouche / Wanderer

as the newest victim of your allure, he still is getting used to the dynamic of the group

since he's the only one the same age as you, you have a lot more core classes together. he also follows you around and glares at anyone who he doesn't deem worthy of your time.

when he's not with you, he talks about you all the time. he thinks about you constantly. it's a little insufferable, to be honest. he's a complete ass to your classmates, and he still holds a grudge against them. for what I can't tell you yet 😔

he spends the most time in your room, just observing you and being near you. he'll complain about something or other while you do your school work, and you'll listen and smile. he sneaks closer and closer until he's practically draping himself over you and you give up on finishing your work, instead opting to hold him and tease him for being so clingy

your animals won't leave him alone. they follow him around *almost* as much as you

your mother hates him, your father thinks he could bother to be a little more respectful to others, but otherwise likes him

taglist: @ratty-rat-toot @em-asian @hypernovaxx @surgeonsofazaroy @xiaosimper @i-loveyou013 @strwbrysweets

let me know if you want to be added! (if your name is in bold, it means I can't tag you)

[horriblepoet]

Fall of Earth

Hi guys!This is a small project i've been working on,i'm gonna post it on a couple more sites and see if i should continue it.If you have any critisicm or tips on how to make it better,feel free to tell me about them.(English isn't my first language so sorry if i've made a mistake here and there.)

This is a work of fiction,all characters in it are fictional,and any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.

New York,the most dynamic city in the world,as they call it.Full of life,energy in its every corner.In november,the Big Apple shines in the great time of the year that is autumn.A perfect place to live,or die,in Anna's case.

She laid there,in her bathtub soaked by her own blood,when the ambulance arrived.The concerned look on the of a young volunteer was only amplified when Anna resisted medical help,although the desperate attempts were to no avail.A good amount of blood was lost since the beggining of her suicidal endeavour,thus she was at a great loss of strength that flew away with each drop of dark crimson blood.And with strength,her consciousness leaked away slowly,until it went black.

But it was not the moment of the blackout that was so striking,but the second before.The look on her face resembling that of a mixed feeling.The picture of emotions she felt,not knowing if she was just passing out or going for the last sleep of her lifetime,had shades of gray fear mixed with light brushstrokes of remorse,accented by the distinct reds of horror.But that all stoped,moments later,when the blacks splattered over the canvas.

She woke up in a bright room,which was obvious even before Anna opened her eyes.The smell of medical alcohol was present in the room,and Anna connected

the pieces.

'Medical room'-the thoughts echoed through her mind.

She opened her eyes and scanned around.She noticed both Betty and Patrick,bed side.The silver-haired older woman was resting her head on her husbands shoulder when she noticed Anna had woken up.The younger woman spotted Bettys puffed eyes before her thin,circular glasses and came to a realization.

She had been crying.

Her husband,a bald wrinkled man about Betty's age,was slower to notice Anna had awoken,only doing so after being startled by his wife's gasp.

What followed was conversasion regarding Anna's previous suicide attempt.

You can probably guess its obvious result.        

Chapter 2

'Humans are so tiring,they consume your energy until their neverending needs are satisfied and only then they will leave you alone,without a word of apology,without a sign of regret on their nonchalant expresion'.

This was the ending of the essay James wrote on the essay themed:'My view of life'.

Mrs.Peterson or Johnson(James was bad with names,he would forget them even seconds after he heard them) did not find this particularly poetic as James walked out of the classroom with a D-,feeling frustrated.A grade lower and he'd be expelled.

In a desperate attempt to tame down those emotions he rushed down the hall towards the only place in this institution where a snippet of privacy can be discovered:the restroom.

Entering the stall and locking the door the young man sat down and grabbed the small olive-coloured sketchbook from his backpack.Once he made sure all in the bathroom left,he started.The pen raced down the page agressively,like blood seeping through the bandage of a freshly wounded soldier.The chaos on paper was perfectly reflecting his current mood swing.It's been constant ever since his brother died.He has been feeling departed from reality,in a way.The violent red and horrific black on the paper began to shape a character,a person.

Thomas.

Or James?

Nobody could exactly tell who the face on the sketch was,not even the creator of it himself.His pen was scraping across the canvas such as nails on a chalkboard.

James was getting so angry he wanted to scream his lungs out and rip the page of his sketchpad.He started hearing his incresed heartbeat punching him in the chest,louder than the ringing in his ears.But then suddenly,as if he swallowed down an antipshycotic,the bell rang,and a wave of calm washed over him.

The young man could finally go home now,or to whatever his mum had tried to convince him what home was.

Chapter 3

"Hello,Anna."-the platinum blonde slender woman in her mid 40's broke the uncomfortable silence that took place after Anna's foster father left the office.

"How have you been feeling after our last session?" The woman asked.

"Pretty good."-she lied.

"Have the pills I prescribed been helping you?"

"Yeah,I've never been better."-that was a lie too.

Every morning when her foster mother gives her the small white box,Anna pretends to swallow the pill,only to spit it out when she looks away.The pills made her unwell,but not in a way that could be discussed with the therapist her fake parents take her to every week.She felt as if she was in a prison of some kind,her own thoughts being restricted away from her being.

"Look,I know you're not being sincere with me,your mother saw you spitting out the pills,so what's going on?"

Shit - thought Anna.

"Why would you think that even for a second i would be honest when talking to you?"-words just flew out of her mouth before she even thought of them.

"You sit here before me taking my money knowing damn well that you can't "fix" me and you expect me to be truthfull?"

She left the office with urgency,tears falling from her blue iris.No one in the world understood her,no one listened,yet they all heard.

Chapter 4

James was on the roof of his apartment building,waiting for a sign from a higher power,a hint,a clue,an indicator that he should keep living and not jump off the 12 story building he's standing on.He stayed there,waiting and eventually,the sun fell upon the horizon.Almost on cue,the door to the roof opened,and out came a girl about his age,with wavy dark brown,chocolate-like hair and ocean-like blue eyes.In his eyes,she had an energy radiating around her,an aura of a kind.James took a step back from the ledge he was standing on,as he felt something he never did before.It was strange.

"The view's better on the building across the street!"-he yelled.

"I'm not here for the view!"-the girl answered while walking towards him.

"Then why are you here?"

"Frankly,I don't even know myself.I guess i just got on the first roof i could find." She was now a few meters away from him.

"We got that in common." James was good at reading people,so was able to roughly guess her situation based on only the couple words that left her mouth,and the scars on her wrist's.

"James Gray"-he shook hands with her.

"Nice to meet you,James Gray. Anna Washington." Anna introduced herself in a manner of friendship,one utmost strange to James.

The young man noticed the scars,the way she just barely flinched when their hands made contact,and soon enough,the picture was pretty clear.

"Did you come here to end it all,Anna?" the looks on their faces were now stone-cold,a shift happening to their conversation.

"That was my intention,"-said Anna,

"I thought I'd sit here until a sign came from God,or some sort of clue about what to do in life."-she added.

"Why do you wanna die?"-the young man asked.

"My parents died when i was 7,and ²since I had no close relatives that wanted to bring me in,I was put in an orphanage.Being there until last year I was adopted by a sweet elderly couple.Turns out bad marks,skipping class and never being in my room can and will get you through three foster families in two years.But now,I wake every night drenched in sweat after those damn dreams.I get dreams at night,or rather visions of my parents lying dead on the asphalt road,not moving a muscle.I wake up,of course,but I'm scared that the next time I close my eyes I don't wake."

James noticed a tear sliding down Anna's cheek.

A few seconds passed in silence.

"But enough about me,why are you here,James?"-she asked,finally having numbed out the emotions.

"I was born in Manchester 17 years ago and I had an older brother,Thomas."-Had?- Anna thought.

"He was a boxer.During a tournament around two months ago he got knocked out and suffered a stroke.They cut the plug on him two days later."-spoke James as if he could read her thoughts.

"I moved with my mother here a month later and I've hated it since.I've been feeling lost,as if I'm in a maze inside my mind."

This was the first time he opened up to anyone other than Thomas.

"So you came here."-continued Anna.

"Yeah,I did."

"Let's not die,James Gray."

"Let's not die,Anna Washington."

In the following moments,what took place was something neither of the two individuals on that roof expected.

That "something" would go on to change the course of the human race,as we knew it back then.

[hecatesbroom]

For the fic titles ask game: number 9 for "the finish line" and "it's still the same old story", number 11 for "i'm tired of wanting more / i think i'm finally worn", plus a bonus - one question among these you really want to answer for any one of your fics! :)

Ooh different fics in the same ask, that's fun! Thank you! <3

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

the finish line

Not exactly, but also kind of? I started with the introspective bits in chapter 1, but there was no setting yet. Eventually I added in the bits where Dorothy is looking at Lucas and holding back her tears, because I thought framing this in an actual scene would give it more weight — and would make it easier for people to connect to the emotion.

I was originally planning to leave it at that, but felt so bad for Dorothy (and honestly also a little for myself, because I'd properly broken my own heart 😂) I had to give her a hopeful ending. So I added chapter 2 as a fix-it (and an apology) for the pain I inflicted lmao

it's still the same old story

Ohh my Maude fic! Thanks for asking about this one! :')

Yeah, there were two! The original version of this didn't include the movie theater — it was just the introspective bits. And while those worked fine on their own, I thought I could increase the tension and weight of the story if I added an actual scene to frame it. Kind of like the finish line, haha.

Though after writing the movie theater scene, I felt like a different setting might suit this better — so I started a half-baked attempt at another scene, one where they're having a movie night at home. It was fine, and I think it could've worked out well, but my mind was already set on the initial setting and I couldn't get the new one to work. So I ended up going with the first (ish) option eventually!

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I'm tired of wanting more / I think I'm finally worn

Ooh, this is a hard one. In terms of technical details, I had a great time with the way this is structured. Going through Dorothy's life year by year, opening with a similar line each time. I gave myself a few rules to stick to (open every part in the same way, sketch her life at that moment, and tie it all in with the physical weight of it all) and I think it ended up working really well :)

I also like that this gave me the opportunity to explore how to write about different types of exhaustion and fatigue, and distinguish between them. It's a topic near and dear to my heart, so let's just say it was nice to be able to put my knowledge to good use for a change!

And for the bonus question (thank you for that!) I'll add on to #11 with another fic :)

Farewell to a Daughter (in C Major)

I tried to include some symbolism in here, and it was so much fun weaving it in! There's Sophia's gray dress, of course, but there's also the second to last line -- where she finally dabs at her eyes with a black handkerchief, essentially giving in to the notion she's been struggling with throughout the entire scene: she's mourning, instead of celebrating.

My favourite part of symbolism in the entire fic might be the title, honestly. The tragedy of Farewell to a Daughter, contrasted with (C Major) at the end -- putting Sophia's feelings against a cheerful tune that is, in fact, the key Mendelssohn's wedding march is played to. But of course you knew about that already, haha.

[captainhysunstuff]

How do you deal with continuous, seemingly raging artblock? I want to draw but damn— my hatred towards my own art seems unforgivable. It's like whatever that was produced by my own two hands will cause carnage, a sin dissaproves by all humanity.

Hmmmmmm, I’m probably not the best person to ask for advice on overcoming art blocks unfortunately. It’s such a paaaain. I 100% relate to your feelings, and overcoming them isn’t easy.

Also, my methods aren't exactly the healthiest either, but I'll share regardless. Just keep that in mind. Ehehe.

(I'll put a Read More. It's a little lengthy.)

Whenever I find myself not drawing for a long period of time, I try to reinstate drawing as an addiction or habit. Have it become a craving that's only satisfied by actually drawing something--anything--regardless of quality. In recent days, my art block stems from a lack of being able to multitask and being unable to focus on the drawing process (being tired from work doesn't help either). Therefore, setting aside a space to draw helps, too. Putting on some music you find easy to zone out to or help your flow helps.

The hatred towards your own work is a very hard hurdle to jump. I suppose the key to this is to learn to stop criticizing every stroke you make. Be at peace that not every mark made in the moment is gonna be perfect. This is way easier said than done of course, but when I start falling into the "everything I do is crap and unworthy of eyes" hole, I try to remember that not everything I draw has to be shared. I'm not getting paid to do this (not sure about you, but that's my situation). It's a hobby, and it's supposed to be fun. It's not life or death for me if the character's eyes are skewed or their head is annoyingly asymmetrical. I'd love to be a master artist and have every work I make be a masterpiece, but I'm allowed to draw "crap." If you really feel like your subject isn't coming out the way you want, find or make references to work from and feel good about the effort you put in. There's never any shame in using references. The more you draw, the better you get. That's a straight fact. Eventually, you won't need refences, and that's a pretty cool feeling~.

Basically, if you're facing a bout of art block, try and doodle something with the mindset that it doesn't have to be perfect, and no one has to see it unless you want to share it. You could always surprise yourself and be like, "Hey, this is actually pretty cool~. Check it out!" But if that doesn't happen, it's okay. It's not a failure. Just add the drawing to the pile and bask in the satisfaction that you actually put strokes to the page, and you've gotten a bit better just by doing so. (That's kind of the point of my whiteboard to be honest~. I also use it to hold up my recent drawings or pages of my comic as a reminder to draw and of how far I've come along in whatever "project" I'm working on. It's neat to see it all hanging up in a physical space. It's a little bit guilt trippy to myself, but it does put a clear bookmark in where I am when I pick it back up, and I can edit it whenever I see something strange as I walk by it~.)

If the block stems from lack of inspiration rather than skill, try exposing yourself to some new media (a new show, movie, book, fanfiction...) or do something that stimulates your brain like going outside or talking to your friends. Don't feel like these activities are procrastinating from creating. They are necessary aspects of your life, and you shouldn't feel guilt for doing them instead of drawing something. Your art isn't made in a vacuum. While out in the "field," you may encounter something that inspires an idea that you can't wait to express through your medium ("Whoa. I HAVE to draw this when I get back!" Write it down if you can so you don't forget~). If you're really passionate about drawing, the urge will come back, and you'll find the time to try and sketch something, even if it's small. I'll admit, I don't do these life things as often as I should, so I need to take my own advice, lol. The list of new stuff I wanna check out is massive~. I am working on leaving my home and observing my surroundings more often though (Covid makes it a little difficult, but I get by).

I know your question was more about trying not to hate your own work, but I also addressed things that I felt were relevant because they make me want to draw regardless of how I feel about the end result. Try your best to not compare yourself to others too much and draw for yourself more. Acknowledge that you want to improve, but don't beat yourself up for not meeting your self-imposed standard of "perfect." So, draw with lower expectations sometimes, I guess? *shrugs and laughs* Like I said, the more you draw, the better your get. Even if you personally think it looks like crap, be like, "Yeah, I did that!" Just own it. Own your "carnage~." ^__^

(*laughs* Carnage. That's such a great way to refer to one's artwork~.)

[petalbypetalmyself]

260/366 | Bowie's song—I'm Tired of My Life—inspired this

So, I smoked (once) and overate (thus, the smoking). (Both because of boredom, not exactly out of lack of interest, but out of not changing from a sedentary position or activity during the whole of the day.)

But the more times I stop doing both, the more successful I will be.

Besides, once I finish the translation—even if what comes next doesn't come any nearer to being as mentally pleasing or mentally stimulating—will allow me, I believe, more time to study and work out + walk, and see if that way I can reduce the body fat I'm not used to, and don't want to, have.

So, today's workout was a simple 32-minute lower body superset strength training.

I did enjoy it, but it felt quite "easy." It focused on the hips—thus the functionality in it—and that's a weak point for me, thereby I believe it's good for me. But I think, once I finish both this Challenge and FBFit 30, I will try for at least a week or two my sketched routine—2x upper body strength, 2x Ballet Beautiful workouts, and 2x AEF workouts—and see how it feels.

I recovered an old To Do Planner (with no dates, so I'm using it now) I bought in 2022 and there I wrote down the same goals I have at the end of 2024—quit smoking, eat better, lose 2 kg and 2 cm all over, as well as read more, write more, play more piano.

I've really been in an impasse for almost five years. Yes, life has happened, and some of it has been good, I have recovered from my eating disorder almost completely (except for the binging which counts as self-harm, since it's not pleasant to binge, and it comes when something else is bothering me, be it body image, be it personal life), meaning I eat now more foods (eggs, some dairy, fish, meat and cold-cuts, sweets, etc.) than when I thought I was "recovered," i.e., when I didn't eat as varied as I do now. (I was skinnier then, though, and I definitely smoked more frequently, even though I didn't go past the 2x, but, at the same time, I seldom overate.)

Like Bowie's song—I'm Tired of My Life.

I have a good life, not going to lie about that. But I need excitement in myself, in my doings, not because someone externally gives it to me.

I'm certainly tired of overthinking about what workouts to do and not to do, quitting smoking, eating X number of calories and X grams of protein/fat/carbs. Because reading, writing, playing the piano and studying are the things that should give me joy internally, that should make me forget I once smoked, that my thighs might get bigger doing weighted squats, and even of eating, period. I should feel excited about what I do.

[keefwho]

September 04 - 2024 Wednesday

10:46pm

5.5/10

I had planned to get groceries on Thursday originally but mom said she was already going to Seeley to pick up stuff from the store so I figured I'd save her a trip and go with her today. We also went later than I wanted but I easily let go of that because I'm trying to get used to things not going perfectly. As long as I was taken to get groceries, thats what mattered. Mom didn't talk about politics or Jesus at all which was a rare treat. She also agreed to follow me in the store with a calculator to add up an estimate of my bill as I went which helped me keep it around the $250 range successfully. This Tristan guy was my bag person and I asked him if he was the same Tristan I went to school with. I knew he was but he didn't recognize me and implied I looked much younger than 28. After that we went the liquor and weed stores and mom bought me some popcorn chicken from the ice cream place which I haven't had in maybe a decade.

I had a hard time doing work today because my eyes hurt since I woke up and I REALLY didn't wanna do it but I keep motivating myself by reminding myself of who I want to be. I take pride in being an artist who can buckle down and get to work and do a good job almost every time. Usually after I start, it's not so bad anymore anyways. I did put today's request off until tomorrow though so TK and I could get in VR and paint together for the first time. She's not an artist at all and thought it would be fun if I guided her a bit.

It went well, she seemed to have a lot of fun and showed a lot of progression in 3 hours. Thats always to be expected when someone tries something new and means it. She actually made something kinda deep while life drawing my horse and it had me feeling a bit.

I said it reminds me of myself running through the emotional chaos in my life chasing this magical fairy thats not even real. WX said it feels exactly like when he's heard me talk about my struggles and what it means to be running towards something I know I want even if I don't know what it is. And this is indeed how I feel.

Also WX was singing out loud a lot and it got pretty annoying just because I don't like hearing people sing out loud randomly, especially to music I don't know.

DS also joined me to paint after a break from VR. She drew Draculaura and I sketched her avatar real quick. I mostly watched her because my eyes hurt and I just did not want to paint anymore.

I am so so so so tired in general. I have been for a long time. Or empty in some way. I don't know. But as decrepit as my heart might be, I try so hard to be a good friend and a beacon to those around me. I just don't think I do a very good job sometimes. I think deep down most people can tell that I'm not all there and not really connecting to them. It feels isolating and scary because I want so badly to connect but I almost never can and I've been trying so hard for so long. The only thing that keeps me going is the drive to keep chasing this thing I know I want even if I don't know how to foster it effectively yet. I know like everything I refuse to give up on, it will click eventually. I just hope it clicks in time because it feels like I have a time limit.

I keep detecting that I need my space, I need more of that time to be myself by myself. But I'm scared of it too. Maybe Im scared it won't work and I'll have wasted time or that it's not even the real problem. It also feels kinda bad to neglect anyone in order to do my own thing. I do have a lot of time where no one is requesting my company but I'm always treating myself like I have to be ready at a moment's notice just in case someone important reaches out. I gotta start saying no more, respectfully. Like yes I really do want to hang out but I need some time for myself, so no.