#OKAY so half the people in the comments are asking for misha!!!!!! please say they ask him

[orionsangel86]

SPN Conspiracies - Applying Logic to Chaos

Its been over 2 months now since the Supernatural finale aired. I am still so angry, hurt, and confused by it and I don’t think I will ever get closure unless someone like Andrew Dabb, or Jensen Ackles, actually opens up and gives us an explanation that makes sense.

What annoys me most right now is people trying to gaslight fans into believing that we should accept the narrative we have been given at face value: That the finale was always planned to be that way, that Destiel was never on the cards, that there was no Network interference, that the only changes made were due to covid and were minor at best.

This harmful gaslighting is FALSE.

NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED.

Look, I don’t agree with some of the crazier conspiracy theories. I don’t believe that there was some huge campaign among the CW Network execs to remove anything remotely gay out of homophobia. I don’t believe that the finale was changed because of some desire to make it into a Walker promo. I don’t believe that the finale was really bad on purpose in protest by Dabb for not getting to do an ending he truly wanted. I don’t believe that Dabb left us smart fans a bunch of secret messages in the finale to hint that he was on our side all along and that everything was fake.

I do, however, believe that all of these conspiracy theories have some elements in them that are plausible. At least, more plausible than the bullshit narrative mentioned above that some people are pushing in some desperate attempt to defend the Network (which imo is really strange behaviour anyway - why would anyone care about a TV network with a history of terrible behaviour?!?)

We have facts, based on information provided before the covid lockdown, which for some reason, people like Misha have since backpeddled on. So let me try to outline some of the information that makes no sense.

Below the cut I go on a deep dive into the conspiracies and statements I have heard about the SPN finale and try to make some sense of this whole fucked up situation. It gets long.

1. “Cas was never gonna be in the finale”.

False: We have many fan accounts of Misha confirming that he was filming the finale. We have video evidence of Misha confirming he was going back to film the finale after the lockdown. We have confirmation from fans in Misha M&Gs from March that he had about 5 days of filming left.

We also had fan accounts of discussions with Alex Calvert (I think) where he confirmed the final shot of the final episode was all four of them though I would LOVE if someone can find a source for this.

2. Okay, Misha was gonna be in the finale, but only as Jimmy Novak

False: I heavily side eyed Misha when he said this. But I think I can come up with a plausible explanation for it. Per above, Misha was supposed to film for 5 days. This does not align with the half a day he described of filming as Jimmy Novak. My own belief is that after Cas was cut from the finale (for whatever reason we don’t know) someone (probably Jensen Ackles) put up a fight and complained that Misha should be there for the final episode. The writers probably tried to come up with a way to bring Misha back without having to deal with Cas, and pitched the idea of Jimmy Novak being in Heaven. Misha, obviously annoyed about this, turned this stupid pitch down.

3. Destiel was never a thing, never planned, never part of Dabb’s ending. Bobo and Misha pushing the confession was the part of the season that was Wrong.

False: We have a SPN writer on record saying that Castiel’s confession was the first thing written for Season 15 when the writers returned to the writers room. If it wasn’t planned, why was it the first thing written, why does it align so well with the rest of season 15? Look I know some people either a. hate destiel and refuse to see it even if it slaps them in the face, or b. have major heteronormative goggles on, or c. are just homophobes in denial, but 15x18 fits in perfectly with the narrative of season 15. Everything Cas says, everything that happened in that scene was so in character it just works. It fit. If you just rewatch the season whilst applying some critical thinking skills and pay attention to the narrative and character arcs, trust me, the confession fits in with pretty much every other plot point, and character story in the season.

Also: We have known for a while that the network did market research into Destiel, wanting to know if it would go down well or not. They were well aware of its popularity and considering it. Where would this have come from if not pitched by the showrunner? Dabb must have at least been considering it. If you take all of Dabb era into consideration, starting with mid season 11, all the way through the season 12 build up, season 13 grief arc, and then Bobo’s Destiel break up arc in late season 14, early season 15, it is clear that there was some toing and froing on the issue of Destiel, but ultimately, I still believe that Dabb was on board. He wrote 13x01 for christs sake. No way he wasn’t taking it seriously.

 4. It’s always been about the brothers. The finale just stays true to what Supernatural is all about.

*rubs temples* Fundamentally FALSE: The show has time and again reasserted the message of “Family don’t end with blood”, as well as the messages of AKF and YANA. Sam and Dean may be at the heart of the show, but a heart can’t exist without a body to support it. Without bones, and lungs, and blood, and muscles, and a BRAIN. The finale abandons the shows core messages. It forces the characters back into their season 1 characterisations and the whole thing becomes hollow and souless. But I’m not here to complain, I’m here to lay down the facts. Dean’s heaven was supposed to be surrounded by loved ones right? We know OG Charlie Bradbury was gonna be in his Heaven, we also know CAS was gonna be in there. So this idea that the finale as it currently stands was how it was meant to be is wrong. Dean was supposed to die and reunite with his found family and loved ones. This alone would have been a far better ending than the one given. Do I think this was solely a covid issue? Fuck no.

The randoms that WERE in the finale are proof alone that they could have got people in and quarantined. We also have several actors on record saying that they WOULD have quarantined for the finale had they been asked to return but they WEREN’T.

Lies have been told. Samantha Ferris and Chad Limberg have confirmed that we have been lied to about the original plans for the finale.

This alone is proof enough that there is more plausibility in some of the conspiracy theories than any bullshit narrative some people are pushing in defence of the barbaric mess of a finale we were given.

So lets address some of the conspiracy theories now:

Conspiracy No.1: The CW Network reviewed Supernatural during the covid break, and due to homophobia, refused any Destiel arc that wasn’t already filmed, shut down any potential reciprocation from Dean, and forced Dabb to change his finale.

I don’t think this is entirely what happened. But I do think it is very strange how there is a such a huge disconnect particularly in Dean’s characterisations between what had come before the lockdown, and what came after. The one fact we have here, and please someone provide a source if you can find it because I know there is one, the finale script was still going through changes up to only 2 weeks before it was filmed. We know that there was some weird editing in 15x18 (which was still in post and uncompleted before lockdown) and we know from Jensen’s own mouth that there was more to the confession scene on Dean’s side that was cut. We also know that this isn’t the first time that Destiel heavy moments have been changed in post - the prayer scene is another big scene that went through a lot of changes and Bobo fought to have his script play out the way he wanted it.

There are certain things that in my own opinions, are basically true of SPN which I have put together from years of keeping one eye on the writers room, the network, and all the various comments made. My opinion is this:

The writers room has always been split on Destiel. Some writers heavily supported making it canon, others did not care, or were against it.

The Network considered it over the course of several years, did market research, green lit it, then changed their minds, possibly several times over the course of Dabb’s era. Destiel was pitched to the Network early in Dabb era.

The crew on set were also split. Some people heavily supported it, and worked to assist the reading, whereas others did not care/did not support it. The same can be said for the editing room.

Bob Singer supported the subtextual homoeroticism, but never supported bringing it into text (this is an opinion, but I think it aligns with everything we know about him.) IMO Bob Singer also supported subtextual homoeroticism between Sam and Dean - the guy is gross is what I’m saying. He isn’t exactly a progressive person.

Fun fact - a while back our old enemy Sera Gamble went on a Twitter rant about writers rooms and the ways a script goes through changes. I don’t think this was in relation to the SPN finale wank but she basically inadvertantly confirmed that the Network can step in and make sweeping changes to a script if they want to and if they decide they don’t like the direction of a story. Sera Gamble confirmed this as a fact.

Now. I’m not saying that this is what the CW did with Destiel. I just think its very strange how pre lockdown, the last thing filmed is a heartfelt homosexual declaration of love between Dean and Cas, and we have a finale script that Misha had not seen, but knew that he was meant to film as Castiel for 5 days (5 days on set is over half of an episode as far as I know). Then all of a sudden, Covid happens, and Cas is cut from the finale completely, a desperate attempt to bring Misha back only as Jimmy Novak takes place, which Misha rightly refuses, leading to a finale which makes zero sense narratively and appears in every way completely and utterly butchered.

The only explanation provided by anyone involved is that Covid meant changes had to happen - but that covid didn’t change the actual story at all.

But this makes no sense because we know that Cas was cut from the finale. This is FACT. Do not let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise. Misha was preparing to quaranting to return to set as Cas post Covid, so whatever happened to cut Cas from the finale, it wasn’t Covid.

I’m gonna have to Occum’s Razor this and say that the most logical explanation here is the one that is most likely true. Someone got cold feet with the Destiel story, and to prevent any possible interpretation that included Dean reciprocating, any hints of Destiel were removed from the finale script, including Castiel’s whole appearance.

Now, this isn’t me saying I think that Dabb’s original finale was full of Destiel love confessions and a homosexual kiss or whatever, but I am asking you all to really think about it and ask yourselves WHY Cas would have been totally cut from an episode he was supposed to be in at LEAST half of? 

We will probably never know the real reason Cas was cut, but he WAS cut. I’m not saying it was all homophobia, but some fuckery went down.

Conspiracy No. 2: The CW Network changed the finale to make it into a Walker promo because they only cared about raising up Jared and not Jensen and Misha as they were losing them anyway.

I don’t agree with this in terms of the finale being butchered solely to make it into a Walker promo. There are however moments in the finale that are clearly supposed to be Walker Easter Eggs and added to excite fans of Jared/Sam in particular such as Sam’s gratuitous and unnecessary topless scene, as well as the call on the “case in Austin”.

I will take this moment to say something pretty damn controversial though.

*Deep breath*

The fact is, Dean Winchester has been the “lead” character of Supernatural’s narrative for years now, with Sam often being sidelined and not given great storylines himself. Even in Season 15, right up until the finale, I myself felt bad for Sam sometimes because so much of this show has become all about Dean. Jensen Ackles is clearly the better actor when it comes to emotional story arcs, so the emotional heart of the story has most often leant on him.

So you can understand my confusion, when this is turned on its head in the final episode, to make Sam carry all the emotional weight, and have the most lines/screentime, and story resolution (even if his story resolution was just as crappy as Dean’s).

If we pretend that Destiel is not a thing, and ignore Cas’s confession, the story change in the finale from Dean focus to Sam focus is still rather suspicious. Again, I’m not saying I completely approve of or agree to the conspiracy theory that Walker influenced the butchering of the script, but I can believe that perhaps a note went down from the CW to someone like Bob Singer, to emphasise Sam/Jared more than they perhaps would normally, because the CW wanted to shine the spotlight on Jared to raise excitement for Walker.

I can also believe this note might have said something like “we wanna cater to fans of Sam/Jared the most - don’t do anything to piss them off.” but now I am getting into my own conspiracy theories so by all means dismiss this as me being bitter.

Conspiracy No.3: Dabb purposely made it bad, as a secret message to Destiel fans that he had been silenced, by layering meta clues into the episode that he knew fans would notice.

I doubt this one is true. Though some of the theories are quite compelling. The old vampire silent movie theory for instance starts off quite well, but loses me the moment it brings up Urban Dictionary slang.

Sometimes I have just had to accept that Supernatural is a bad show that is sometimes accidentally a masterpiece. However, some writers really did go That Deep with their stories - anything by Ben Edlund or Steve Yockey for instance, their episodes are meta masterpieces with a hundred different layers of beautiful subtextual storytelling and are a joy to analyse. Bobo Berens has certainly done some A+++ work especially now we KNOW that he was working hard all this time to bring Destiel to canon text (so any analysis of Destiel in the subtext in his episodes is very accurate). There have been many other key elements analysed over the years which have been confirmed true. Cas’s death in Season 12, Dean’s time as a demon in season 10, Season 11 ending in unity of dark and light, these were all plot points predicted by meta writers just by analysing the narrative. Sometimes the writers really have been very smart and they do add things to the show to aid us in our meta.

Richard Speight Jr for instance, confirmed that SPN has a visual library that the production team use to give clues and hints in the narrative. Pizza, for example, always means a lie has been told. Whenever Pizza is being eaten or even just mentioned on screen, there is dishonesty in that particular moment.

The beers also have a very specific message and the one thing I can’t let go about the finale, was that Dean was drinking El Sol beer. The beer his dad gave him, that was terrible.

El Sol has been used in the show to indicate something being wrong, a fake reality, or another lie, for the longest time. It is the beer of deception.

The fact that in the final episode of this entire show, Dean is in Heaven, supposedly at peace, and then he gets handed an El Sol beer to drink? Thats a HUGE red flag for any meta writer watching who can read SPNs visual library.

If they had given him the Margiekugel beer of family then it would make sense. Dean is in Heaven, with Bobby, his family, at peace. Margiekugel should have been the beer of choice. But nope. El Sol. Something is wrong.

I don’t know if it was Dabb, or Singer, or some disgruntled ADs and crew members who added these elements into the finale, but their very presence confirms some message of Wrongness.

I could go into a huge rant about Vampire Mimes not making sense and the very glaringly obvious symbolism of cutting out peoples tongues too, but that is high school level film analysis. It’s obvious. It means to silence someone. There is validity in interpreting this as Dabb saying he was silenced. I don’t know how true it is, but i can’t 100% dismiss it, because as I said, this is high school analysis levels of obvious subtextual storytelling.

So in summary, whilst I don’t think that Dabb intentionally went out of his way to sabotage his own script, and leave a breadtrail of secret messages for savvy fans to put together to confirm that he was silenced by an evil network into not getting what he wanted... I do think that there is validity in questioning these odd choices for the finale. Cutting out tongues? Vampire Mimes? El Sol beer?

The evidence is somewhat compelling is all I’m saying. I don’t believe the full conspiracy theories, but as I have said many times before, some fuckery went down.

So What Do I Believe?

That some fuckery went down and whatever company line they are pushing is bullshit.

I believe that the original script included Cas (since thats fact). I believe that the original script probably always had Dean dying on a vampire hunt (due to Jensen’s issues with it and in particular, his sarcastic comments about vampires in the past year or so which in hindsight are hilarious and prove he never really came to terms with Dean’s idiotic death). I believe Dabb’s original script was some less crappy version of what we got, which potentially included showing Jack rescuing Cas from the Empty and resolving the outstanding Empty plot points (potentially this was actually a 15x19 plot since Mark P commented that his final scenes were supposed to be with Jack and Cas), had Cas reunite with Dean in Heaven and had them have a discussion about Cas’s confession. I believe that there was probably a lot of back and forth over how to handle that with some people wanting Dean to obviously reciprocate and others believing they should keep it ambiguous. I believe that Dean and Cas would have reunited with Charlie Bradbury, and Bobby Singer, and possibly others (though if this was the case it must have been very early on since no one ever looped in Sam Ferris, Chad Linberg or any other Roadhouse people).

I believe that Sam’s ending probably didn’t change much, but I do feel that initially they were planning on him ending up with Eileen, because it is the only thing that narratively makes sense. Cutting Eileen and giving him a blurry wife is something I won’t ever understand and Jared’s bullshit explanations are quite clearly pulled out of his ass to appease bronly types. I believe the reunion on the bridge would have included Cas and Jack, with a final shot of all four of them together, at peace (as this aligns with Alex’s comments from around a year or so ago that the final shot was all four of them). (I also am not sure it was always supposed to be on a bridge since the foreshadowing in an earlier episode showed Dean, Cas and Sam all in the Roadhouse together).

I believe that script went through countless changes and redrafts, and not even production people or the types that some fandom people claim as their “sources” would even have seen those early scripts, since even Misha never saw it. I believe that these rumours of Dabb never having Cas in his finale and ignoring all Destiel elements likely come from people who only saw later versions, weren’t party to network discussions and felt bitter about the final scripts they did see (being the crappy butchered one that was ultimately filmed). Those “sources” are now spreading rumours to discredit Dabb.

I obviously believe Dabb is a weak ass pushover who either didn’t care enough to fight back, or gave up since he’s been stuck with fucking Bob Singer on his back for years, but I will NEVER believe he didn’t care about the DeanCas love story, because he has been one of the few writers who has championed for it for years. You can’t look back at Dabb’s episodes in earlier seasons and claim he didn’t care. Dabb was a writer whose creative ideas were beaten out of him by an unforgiving Network only concerned about where their future money was coming from. Do I think he gave up too easily? Yes. But I also have one other huge reason for not believing the bullshit about Dabb being this anti-Destiel villain.

Bobo. Because if Bobo truly believed Dabb was gonna fuck that up at the end, I don’t think he would have given us Cas’s love confession to begin with. If he had known it was gonna end like that, I think he would have reconsidered, because had Cas not confessed his love, I don’t think he would have been cut from the finale. Bobo - a gay man, would not have wanted such a horrible message for queer fans being put across in the show he worked so hard on. He started writing that confession scene the day they returned to the writers room. Dabb would have been there, would have seen what he was writing, probably discussed it with him, after all, other episodes were written with the confession in mind. No way was Dabb planning to fuck up the ending knowing what Bobo was giving us. Nope.

Something went very wrong over lockdown. Someone, somewhere up the chain of power caught wind of the confession scene in 15x18, realised that it demanded a resolution which would make Dean Winchester, their protagonist, queer, and pulled the plug. I believe this did not come from a place of homophobia, but of bad business sense.

The CW is constantly trying to win the approval and attention of the one demo group that they seem to fail at getting the most: young straight men. Supernatural was one of their only remaining shows that appeals to young straight men, and Dean Winchester is more often than not the fave character of those young straight men who project onto him. Making Dean Winchester, established Han Solo of Supernatural, queer and in love with his best friend in the finale would have come across as a betrayal to those young straight men. The CW probably feared they would lose that demo group for good, and with a show like Walker starting soon with Jared at the helm, they couldn’t take the risk.

Hence there was probably a whole bunch of back and forth script redrafts with the Network, with Dabb and Singer fighting to make a finale that would appeal to everyone. There was most likely no way that they could bring Cas back without addressing what had already been filmed, because any resolution of that plot would either a. make Dean queer, or b. address it awkwardly by having Dean reject Cas (this storyline would probably have been slammed by critics worse than the finale because it meant addressing it. It might have got the attention of LGBTQ activist groups and caused a bigger shitstorm than what we got). The best option was therefore C. Bury it and Cas, pretend it never happened. Never address it again and distract Dean with other things. Hope that Destiel fans will accept no answer from Dean as ambiguous enough to imagine a future reunion rather than shutting it down with a rejection, and still keep hold of the blissfully ignorant heteronormative straight boys so they can carry over to Walker when it starts.

I also believe (controversially probably) that there was concern that any resolution of Dean and Cas would have overshadowed network darling Jared Padalecki. If Dean and Cas had come together in the finale, with a very clearly textual homosexual reunion, then that would have been all anyone talked about. The reviewers, the critics, the audience, everyone. It would have been nothing but Dean and Cas (and look, if they did think this, they were right, Destiel trending over the US ELECTION.)

So what is the network to do, when they are losing the two stars who would get the most attention from this storyline? The one star they were holding on to and getting his own show, relegated to third place in the finale of the show where he was first on the call sheet? Nope. That’s pretty unacceptable. Even without Walker I can imagine people at all levels side eyeing the Destiel thing over the years. This IS a show about two brothers, and their relationship should be the core relationship, we can’t have one brother pushed aside in the finale to make way for a queer relationship that will get all the attention instead. It was never gonna get approved for this reason ALONE.

At the end of the day, if I look at it from a business perspective, it makes far more sense that the CW shut down Destiel, rather than “oh Dabb never cared and ruined it because he’s an idiot.” The writers cared, and had built on that story over years. But their mistake was leaving any Destiel resolution to the finale. If they had instead gone and got Dean and Cas together in early season 15, then they could have ended it in a way that satisfied everyone. Destiel wouldn’t have threatened pulling focus away from Sam and Dean, and the show could have gone out on a high.

When I lay out all the conspiracy theories, and line them up next to the cold hard facts, the conspiracy theories in some way or another, make more sense. To believe the company line, the narrative we have been fed, is to ignore your own eyes, ears, and memories pre March 2020.

All I’m asking people to do is take a look at the show, the narrative presented in the show, and the information presented above. I’m not telling you to believe what I’ve written here, half of which is just my own opinion. I’m asking you to ask yourselves if it makes sense to you. Because it sure as hell doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied.

[cooloddball]

I woke up to see a lot of people saying that they no longer believe in cockles because of the Gish zoom reunion and a very long ask on the same. I was skeptical to watch it at first but some very nice people @green-blue-heller and @thegandy told me it was an amazing panel. Well, ladies, the peer pressure worked and I watched it. I have to say, that panel was the most adorable zoom panel they've had together. It was 20 minutes of pure joy and serotonin boost on my pant. So thank you.

Now back to the panel. I watched this video from the official Gish YouTube account so that's what I'll be referring to. I don't know if there are any other videos but well, let's go.

Let me be honest, waiting for the ceremony to begin, I was nervous. These two are total chaos together so I was already suffering from second-hand embarrassment way before it began.

Jensen being an old man who doesn’t understand technology will never not be funny to me because this guy has been in Hollywood since he was 18 and you would think he would know how to operate a camera.

What’s happening with your face, ‘I can’t.” who taught you that lingo, Jensen? It’s very hip.

Misha pretending not to know that he had that filter on, yeah sure Jan.

Jensen’s excitement when he saw Misha’s face. Can someone please look at me like that? I mean I don’t have big beautiful blue eyes like Misha but still—c’mon.

Is it just me or was it more like they were flirting while talking about the whole "how’s filming going?"

Mish saying, “Early on you were worried that you gonna have to act professional.” Is it just me or does this sound like pillow talk?

They look so happy to be together again even if it's not in person.

Misha knows Jensen won’t go back to the States until June. How do you know Misha?

Misha calling Jensen Buddy?Man?Dude? Is it just me or is Misha trying way too hard to call Jensen all the dude-bro names that he can come up with?

The look Jensen has on his face when talking about JJ’s birthday

Jensen is so handsome.

Why was the conversation about Jensen technically being a Canadian so funny? is it an inside joke that we missed or? Misha is literally just saying that Jensen is technically a Canadian having lived there for almost 20 years.

Their conversation flows very naturally. It’s not forced or anything.

Jensen hulking out. Yum. I'm looking respectively, please.

"It's like hat head on your face."

The hat head comment is followed by Misha saying, "jensen, I miss you so much, man"

And Jensen saying, "you too brother" then immediately segues to talking about texting Jared and how they all can’t all wait to be together. Not weird at all. Also, is it just me or does Misha look kinda ‘not happy about that? Not in a bad way but maybe he wanted Jensen to say he misses him too?

Misha knows Jensen stoic about showing emotion. Yeah, they know each other well. Misha calling out Jensen for not showing emotion- performing masculinity and Jensen agreeing.

The silent disco moment was lit.

Are they moving closer to the camera?

Also, Misha showing a sliver of skin. Yes show your man your titties on main Misha why don’t you?

Also, Jensen pretending not to know who Jewel is when they clearly know each other. He was even and has even been on her show with Dee. See, this is how he acts. This is to all the people who say he and Misha are not friends because he doesn't know anything about his organizations. That's just how he is. He likes playing coy and grumpy.

Why did Misha specifically ask if his [Jensen's] family was still Colorado?

In regard to Jewel? He could’ve just said “she’s from Colorado too” It’s either,

he wanted people to know where Jensen’s family was which doesn’t make sense, or

he wanted us to know that he didn’t know where they are which is also weird like guys you don't have to try so hard to prove you don't know each other's whereabouts.

They are so in sync even on a zoom call. What do they say about old habits? Keep moving closer why don't you?

That hand sign Jensen did. Did Misha teach him that? Misha does that sign a lot.

Beard grooming regimen. Yes, Jensen come through for the beard growers. Thank you Misha for that question btw.

When Charlie said Jensen uses a horse brush on his beard.

Misha is so cute guys. Wtf? Also his eyes. Misha’s nose crinkles when he laughs and Jensen’s eye crinkles when he laughs.

Jensen talking about his beard was freaking hilarious.

When Misha is showing his greys Jensen keeps moving closer to the screen as if he will see better or touch it the closer he gets to the screen.

"See this is what happens when I don't see you for the better part of the year." So it means you have seen him between May last year and May this year, right? Tell us more.

What does for the better part of a year mean?

It means more than half. The better part of a year could be used to describe a period of seven to eleven months. It's typically used to give emphasis to how long something took. Like many idioms (keep an eye on something, face me, smell a rat) it isn't literal.

Misha saying he’s going grey because he is incredibly stressed out for not seeing Jensen for a while. That laugh and the awkward pause after Misha said that. And Jensen agreeing

Misha, you know about the album. This is just marketing for your husband’s album. We saw you liked that post of the album post so don't play coy now.

Jensen asking Misha where he is? Okay, hear me out. This is weird because when they organized the zoom, they had to talk about Time zones, right? So, why wouldn’t he know where Misha is?- performing masculinity, again.

Jensen camped in Ojai and calls it a special place. Reminds me of how they talked about the Vatican being magical when a priest conducted a mass for just the two of them under the Lucifer and Micahel mural.

Misha wants to go to Marfa really badly. Did your husband share those gorgeous photos with you? Jensen please put them up. We wanna see. And take your husband to Marfa once you are back home.

Love you, my friend. Misha finally said he loves him back, live on video.

Wait, Misha is trying to end the conversation but Jensen keeps on interrupting so he can linger on. Hmm..

I swear Jensen said okay babe. The way his lips moved to form the /b/ sound. He said it people.

Jensen stop lingering.

Why did Jensen say he’s going to sit on the couch for the rest of the day? Did he want Misha to tell him to join them for the hunt?

Misha is texting Jensen right? Because his whole demeanor changed when Jensen left and got this serious look on his face. You can clearly see it's like he received a text right after Jensen logged off and he had to respond.

Charlie is so cute.

Overall, I think this panel was sweet and flirty, and fun. Jensen calling Misha brother had the same effect as Misha calling him man/dude/my friend. Did people expect Jensen to call him sweetheart throughout the panel when clearly this was an event that people who are not even in the spn fandom are watching from all over the world? C'mon. But in the end, he called him babe so there's that.

I'm also happy that they didn't talk about the show because it shows their friendship is more than just about that shit show (affectionate) that was spn.

[bostonbashers]

mercs react to their s/o being terminally ill. ~

Hi I don’t know if you’re an angst person but I hope you consider my request. May I request the mercs with an s/o that gets diagnosed with a terminal illness that has no cure and could potentially be fatal? How do they deal with the idea that they could die?

How about mercs with an s/o who is very sick? Thank you and good luck!

so y’all tryna break my heart today, huh. i love writing angst but it always ends up hurting me :’)

terminally ill could be considered a heavy topic so i will tag it accordingly! poor mercs.. please enjoy! ❤️

[ TW: TERMINAL ILLNESS MENTION/ALCOHOL MENTION]

-

Scout:

scared to death for them. his face grows white upon hearing the news and he freezes, his stomach turning at the realization that he may lose the only person that could understand him, not as a scout but as himself.

will probably hurt more than his other half and the news weighs him down greatly, affecting his everyday tasks. he becomes very clingy and is worried that once he leaves their side, they’ll be gone from his reach.

not the best caretaker and doesn’t really know how to assist a sick person, so he calls his ma up for advice and tries his best to follow it, even if he makes a few stumbles here and there. you know he means well even if he nearly burns all the food he makes for you.

Soldier:

demands the medical center to do something about it and says it’s an order, his voice booming around the quiet area. when they apologize and inform him that nothing could be done, he nearly loses his shit and has to be held back before he decides to blow up the place.

tries to be strong for them, even if he’s godly worried but doesn’t show it. he highly believes they can make it through their sickness and tries to keep their spirit up no matter how low the day is; “this disease has got nothing on you, cupcake! you are the strongest fighter i know!” and when they smile, it motivates him to continue on.

Pyro:

they whimper cause they know something isn’t right. though they can’t quite put their finger on it, they do notice the change of behavior their s/o has as time passes. the way they drag their body, eat and sleep less, often too weak to move and it just worries them. they know something is wrong.

hugs and rainbows and everything bright makes everyone happy right? so they do just that. even if they can’t understand what they’re going through, they try to cheer them up with everything they have; stuffed animals, their favorite food, cuddles and even sets up little skits for them.

on their worse days, where they’re terribly ill and can’t build up the strength to do even the simplest of tasks, they just stay by their side, hugging them here and there to show that they’re not alone.

Demoman:

tavish is heart broken but he doesn’t show it to his s/o. the last thing they need to see is another crying face around them. instead, he asks how his s/o how they’re feeling and comforts them in their time of need despite the tears threatening to spill.

he mostly grieves in silence at first, not even alcohol being able to silence the pain that ached inside him. he cries to himself for a while until his s/o catches him one night, hunched over on the table while he let out soft sobs. they hug him from behind until he’s ready to talk and when he does, he feels much better. 

once he composes himself the day after, he tries to cut down on the alcohol to be sober enough to care for his s/o properly. he wants to be there for them completely in their time of need.

Heavy:

is deeply saddened for his s/o, not knowing the impact it had placed on their shoulders. he doesn’t say much but hugs them gently, caressing their back for comfort. “(y/n) will be okay. misha is here.”

he’s already a worry wart so upon learning this, he becomes even worse with his concerns and frets about his s/o often, commenting on every little thing. if they cough too loud or even vomit, he freaks out inwardly and does everything and anything he can to help them.

he often asks medic for advice on how to help them cope with their disease at the least and follows his tips to the bone. he also makes sure that his s/o doesn’t overwork themselves at all and tells them to rest often.

Medic:

he thinks that the doctor is just pulling shit out of their ass and probably just giving his s/o a scare. they’ve been acting and looking fine lately, so it’d be strange for them to have an incurable disease. he brushes it off his shoulders for the time being.

but then as he slowly observes them more, he does notice major changes that he hadn’t caught before. the way they moved, spoke, and even the way their beautiful smile weakened eventually caught up to him and he’s completely devastated, reality finally striking him.

stays up countless nights to find a cure, anything and everything that could at least prevent it from worsening. it’s true, he could always bring people back to life but it wasn’t always an assurity and he wasn’t sure if a disease was the same, so it worries him more. even if his s/o begs him to take a break, he just won’t. not when they’re in danger.

Sniper:

he gets angry at the doctor at first, spewing out questions that he knew the doctor couldnt answer himself; “wut do ya mean ya weasels can’t do a thing? isn’t that your job?” when his s/o drags him out of the medical center, he grows eerily quiet compared to the moments earlier and keeps his head down the rest of the way home.

when his s/o does confront him later that night, they cup both his scruffy cheeks in their hands and he leans into their touch unconciously. “i’m gonna be okay.” he stays quiet, staring at them with a sullen expression. “oi know.” he murmurs, “oim just- just afraid to lose ya.” and they shake their head and wrap their arms around his torso, “you won’t.”

afraid is just the beginning. he’s utterly mortified with the idea of losing them, often keeping him awake at night and sending him into nightmares. he’s lost so many people in his life and he knows the pain of it, but this was different. this pain is absolutely unbearable and he holds them tight as they sleep, silently begging that they don’t take away the one perfect thing he has going in his life.

Engineer:

he tries not to cry right in front of his s/o as they announce the news to the both of them, but his s/o knows he’s one second away from breaking down so they pull him out of there as soon as possible. he tearfully apologizes to them, blaming himself for not taking care of them more often and how he should’ve noticed. his s/o tries to reassure him it’s not his fault but it doesn’t really change his mind.

doesn’t deal with the idea of losing his s/o very well. he smiles less and worries more, stressing himself out but tries to maintain his positive attitude for the sake of keeping them happy during these times.

anything his s/o needs, he does without a complaint. no matter what time of the day or how busy he is, he will drop it just to attend to them. he takes it up a notch once he’s aware his s/o is sick and you best believe it’ll be done in a heartbeat once those words leave your mouth.

Spy:

he’s had a feeling for a while that his other half was sick, hence the reason why he forcefully decided to drag them to the hospital. when the news is confirmed, he thanks the doctors and quietly pulls them out of the building. he sees the teary eyes of his s/o and sighs deeply, embracing them in a tight hug, whispering sweet nothings to them.

is aware that their s/o’s mental health may decline due to the sudden shock and tries to lighten up their day often, buying them things they want or complimenting them whenever he sees them. he also starts conversations whenever they’re around. even goes as far as dancing with them in the middle of his quarters.

makes sure his s/o is relaxed as possible at the same time. he messages their back and wherever it hurts, holds them whenever they need it, and becomes a mother hen whenever they fall terribly ill. even if he’s outwardly fine, he’s honestly devastated but tries to keep his head on his shoulders, knowing that panicking will only worsen the situation.

[green-blue-heller]

hey, can you explain the cockles breakup? i saw u just posted about it and s7 and ive seen speculations but i dont think i really understand what happened lol

Hi Anon!

Thanks for your question!!

First off - DISCLAIMER: I do not know Jensen or Misha, or anyone they know. I do not have any direct information or confirmation of any information in this post. This information may or may not be correct (if anyone has any further clarification, feel free to add it - just please know that this same disclaimer will extend to such comments). None of this should ever be discussed with Jensen or Misha. Their lives are theirs, and while the fandom may discuss and speculate, it’s not okay to do so with the actual people.

Ok... now that we have that out of the way!

I will find the post that gave me the most of the information that I have about it, and reblog with it.

But it’s after 1 am, so I’ll give you the quickish answer now lol.

So, in 2011 Misha was essentially fired from SPN as Sera Gamble was killing off Cas (he’s in S7 ep 1-2, and then doesn’t come back until ep 17, I think it is). He wasn’t supposed to come back, at all. He was supposed to be dead dead.

Summer 2009 is where the earliest flirting is seen with JenMish. I think it was AHBL 1. It is on YT. They’re doing a signing, and Jensen and Misha are going back and forth saying about how they couldn’t see each other and they were worried. Jared pipes up and says that he’ll keep an eye on them and let them know the other is still there.

Vicki and Dee are behind Jared and there is definitely giggling going on.

Then Dec 14 2019 is when Jensen posted what’s referred to as the 10 year anniversary pic and it’s assumed that the original was taken around the same date (if anyone has any links to the pic being talked about, can you please share?)

So, if you assume Dec 2009 is when cockles officially became cockles, then it wasn’t very long after when word would have trickled down that Cas was being killed off. I’d say maybe late 2010 to early 2011.

As far as I can tell, no one knows who ended it. Speculation is probably Jensen, saying it would be too difficult now that Misha wasn’t part of the cast, even though he only lives like an hour and a half from Vancouver.

It also has to be taken into consideration that Jensen and Dee got engaged in 2009 and married in 2010. Then 2011, Misha is written off the show.

It’s fair to assume Jensen wouldn’t have wanted to rock the boat at home for something that he wasn’t sure could be sustained.

So, during the 2011 con panels (I think starting around the time of the Asylum convention) Misha is totally different and a little sarcastic/meanish. The matching rings and bracelets also disappear during this time (but different matching/coordinating jewelry shows up later though).

At Rising Con 2011, Mish and Seb have a panel, and Seb says his favorite sound is when he’s laying next to someone he loves and listening to her sleep.

Misha buts in and says “or him” and looks really sad. He’s off the entire panel.

This continues for a while with panels.

I don’t know what con it is, but at one of them, Jensen does talk about how he is glad that Misha is back on the show. I don’t know if they’ve made up yet at this point, since I don’t know when it is from.

I haven’t watched all the 2012 panels (hardly any) but by JIB, they seemed to have maybe made up.

Jensen jokes about their panel being sort of like a blind date. And apologizes that it might be a bit awkward, sort of like working together. Then Misha says that he rather enjoyed working together.

Jensen assures him then that it was great, and that he had a great time. Then tells Misha it was not him (Misha), that it was him (Jensen).

Then Misha says he thought it was really special. And Jensen makes a comment about how maybe they can give it another shot and Misha kinda shakes his head.

This is either Jensen still in the groveling phase, or the trying to be cute and apologize and say he’s happy they worked things out.

Jensen is a little extra flirty.

But it’s obvious after this that things are fine. Since by JIB10, they ran outta fucks to give and Misha literally straddles Jensen on stage and Jen gets a boner and has to adjust himself. Lol.

Though it’s obvious they’re sad about the show ending. I’m sure the breakup (if there had actually been one) over them not being on the same show anymore from 10 years ago is coming back to them. And I’m sure it’s especially not easy with covid.

But they still seem to be bringing up each other when talking, when it’s not really necessary. And Jensen still gets his stupid (in the most loving meaning) smile when he talks about Misha.

And they were obviously texting each other during the panel on Tuesday.

So, hopefully, cockles is still going strong. It’s been 11 years now, not like 1. So hopefully they have learned how to deal with things.

If only The Boys was shot in Vancouver and not in Ontario. Then he wouldn’t be far from Misha, to be able to see him once there aren’t mandatory 2 week quarantines when arriving in Canada.

But I know during JIB10, Misha made several remarks about moving to Austin.

This would be amazing, though idk of him and Vicki would actually want to uproot the kids. So it may be a more wishful thinking. Even if not, I’m sure covid is making that impossible at the moment.

So... I hope I answered your question, nonnie. Lol.

Like I said, I’ll reblog it tomorrow with links to the post I found on it, as well any other links to the panels in question (if I can find them again).

Though all the ones I talked about are on YT.

Let me know if you have further questions, either in the comments or via another ask! 💕

Edit: the post now has additional pieces, with links to other posts and references. So I suggest checking the comments to get the latest version!

[jawritter]

Life Of The Party

Summary: A game of truth or dare gets’s really interesting, when alcohol is involved. 

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader

Written for: @spnchristmasbingo​

Square Field: Rob Benedict

Word Count: 1410

Warning: Implications of past as well as future smut, oral (male receiving), alcohol consumption, mentions of being drunk, language. This one is pretty much porn, not sorry. 

A/N: This fic is completely unbeta’d, so all mistakes are mine! This is my first ever Rob x Reader fic, so please be nice lol. Feedback is golden, do not copy my work! I hope you all enjoy this one!

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“Okay Y/N, truth or dare,” Richard asked, staggering into your circle of friends in his living room with an open bottle of Crown, and a bag of popcorn, flopping down with an exaggerated grown next to Jared, who chuckled at the thought of what he was gonna do to Richard when he passed out first as usual.

“Dare, pick dare,” Misha drunkenly whispers yells, elbowing you annoyingly. 

“Okay, okay dare,” you growl, swatting at Misha, who promptly falls off of the cushion he was only half balanced on, causing Jensen to snort out a laugh into his own red solo cup. 

“YAS QUEEN!” Richard yells, slapping his hands together, and giving you a mischievous grin that seriously made you a little uneasy. 

Richard had flown Jensen, Misha, Rob, Jared, Briana, Kim, and yourself to his house as soon as the quarantine was lifted in order to have a friend’s get together/Christmas celebration now that people were safely able to be in the same room with each other again. Richard’s parties were always a promise of two things, a good time you all hoped no one would remember in the morning, and a damn horrible hangover the next day. 

“Okay, okay, you have to go in that room back there where Rob is having a pity party for himself, don’t say shit, just drop down on your knees in front of him, and suck him off,” Richard slurs. 

Misha pops up off the floor like a gopher out of his hole, and Jensen nearly chokes to death on his drink, while the others laugh at their reactions. Briana slaps Jensen hard on the back as he sputters, and Richard keeps locked eyes with your completely shocked face. 

“Can’t I just go flash him or something?” you whisper to the circle in front of you.

Richard shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest. “Nope, you either go in there and blow him, or you have to tell us what happened between you and Sebastian at Comic Con last year.”

Your ears burned and you knew you were blushing. The whole circle seemed to perk up at that little bit of information. You had told Richard about that little hookup in confidentiality, but apparently, alcohol brings forth loose lips from your extremely drunk friend. 

You weren’t about to throw Sebastian under the bus like that. Plus you don’t know if he wanted it out that he’d fucked Jensen’s PA at Comic Con. 

“Fine, fine,” you grumble, getting off of the floor with a huff. 

“Well, next time I’ma go sulk in a back room over my ex, then maybe I can’t…” Jensen started, but before he could finish Briana elbowed him hard in the side, “Ouch!” 

You chose to ignore his comment and tried to calm your nerves, crossing the floor to the bedroom door. An eerie silence had fallen over the room behind you, and you knew everyone was watching.

“Remember Y/N, not a word, just do it,” Richard said. 

Man, you hopped he didn’t freak out on you. Rob had been friends with you ever since you started working for Jensen as his PA when he took on a new role with the boys, as well as his new production company. It was a big workload, and he needed the backup. It was the best decision you had ever made. It opened up a lot of doors for you that you never thought you would have opened, but it also gave you friends you would cherish for a lifetime. 

Opening the door to the room you see Rob sitting on the edge of the bed with his phone in one hand, and an open bottle of beer in another, taking a deep swig as he turns his head to look at you from where he was gazing out of the window.

“Hey, Y/N/N,” he smiled at you as you closed the door behind you, slipping the lock to prevent them from getting too curious and coming in for proof. 

You cross the floor with your heart pounding against your rib cage, coming to a stop in front of him, and placing your finger to your lips, shushing him as you wink and sink down to your knees in front of him. 

You watched confusion flashed across his face as your hands slipped sensually up his thighs, making their way to his belt, undoing it quickly and lowering his zipper before he had a chance to react. 

“What...What are you? Oh, God.”

Reaching inside his pants you quickly remove his flaccid length stroking it in your hand and blowing lightly across the tip, smirking as his hips jerked in response, and his cock started to swell under your administrations. 

“Oh my God,” he murmured, quickly undoing his button and swatting you away only long enough to shove his pants and boxers down in a hurry. You bit your tongue, desperately wanting to respond with, “I thought you went by Rob now,” but remembering you weren’t allowed to speak.

By the time you took him in your hands again you were pretty impressed at the fact he was already fully erect, and already forming a little bead of precum at his swollen tip. Even more impressive was the sudden need you had to taste him.   

You had always thought Rob was cute, but you had never really seen him that way, not until this point. 

Giving him your best doe-eyed look you slowly run your tongue all the way up the thick vein on the underside of his cock, stopping to tongue at his slit, your own pussy clenching around nothing at the little moans that were already falling from his lips as his eyes closed and his head lulled back; the salty taste of precum invading your taste buds as you hollow out your checks and swallow all of him that you could until you were nose to hilt with him. 

“Holy shit,” he groaned, grabbing your hair and moving it out of your face as you bag to bob up and down his shaft, licking, sucking, and jerking what you couldn’t fit in your mouth as you went. 

You never expected this to turn you on the way it did, but damn. The weight of him on your tongue was downright intoxicating. It didn’t take long for his legs to start shaking, and his breath to come in short, uneven bursts as he got closer and closer to his release, his hips moving along with the pace you had set. 

You could tell he was close, right on the edge, all he needed was a little push to get there, and you had a feeling you knew just how to do it. 

Carefully you slip your left hand under his quickly tightening sack, massaging slowly, pulling more strangled groans from his lips as his legs tightened and jerked, almost there, but still not quite falling over the edge. Taking a deep breath through your nose, you hollow out your cheek and swallow him whole in one goal, gagging slightly around the tip, that was all it took for him to spill into your waiting mouth, and you eagerly sucked down all he had to give until he couldn’t take it anymore. 

Rob sat on the bed, wide-eyed and panting as he slowly got to your feet, carefully wiping your mouth because, well, dammit you were a lady after all, and giving him a wink as you head towards the door. 

“Merry Christmas Rob,” you say as you grab a hold of the doorknob, knowing damn good and well there was a crowd waiting outside the door because you heard them shuffle away at the close sound of your voice. 

“Merry Christmas Y/N,” he replied, voice much higher than normal. 

You exit the room grinning only to find a very disgruntled Jensen standing not far from the doorway. 

You remember his previous comment as you cross your arms in front of you, leaning against the doorway, more than a little riled up from the task you just completed, the alcohol making you braver than what you would have been normally, and after all, it was a party. 

“Truth or dare Jay,” you say with your best devilish smirk, one that he quickly returned, taking a deep swing of the whiskey bottle he was holding before pinning you to the door frame. 

“Dare.”

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[nickelkeep]

With a Little Help From Our Friends

Pairing: Dean/Cas, background Jody/Donna, past Claire/Kaia Rating: Teen Word Count: 3.3K Warnings: minor mention of alcohol, mention of canon minor character death Written For: Representation Week, hosted by @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover and @specialagentrin On Ao3

Bad boys, bad boys/Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do/When they come for you

Dean pulled out his cell, shrugging off Sam’s eye roll. Only one of two people would be calling him with that ringtone, and Dean would be damned if he was going to let Sam take the joy out of the phone call. He looked at the screen and smiled.

“Jodes, what’s up?”

A brief pause made Dean nervous, but before he could question it, Jody spoke up. “Dean, you’re not in the middle of anything, are you?”

“Nope. Just got back from a vamp nest in Tulsa. We’re keepin’ an eye out, but taking it easy at the same time.” Dean kicked his feet up to emphasize the point, even if Jody couldn’t see it.

“I hate to do this to you then, but I need you.” Jody sounded defeated, and Dean quickly sat back up in his chair.

“What’s going on, Jody?”

“It’s about Claire. And you’re the only person I think would be able to help her out.” Jody let out a sigh. “I wouldn’t call if I thought had any other options.”

Dean frowned. Jody was normally on top of things when it came to all of the girls. “Alright, let me get Sam and Cas–”

“No. No, no.” Jody interrupted. “Just you. Please.”

“Are you sure?” Dean looked over at Sam who had closed the book in front of him. Dean held up a finger and shook his head.

“Dean, she’s going to be embarrassed that I called anyone. But out of all the people I could think of… You’re the one who can probably relate the most.”

“Alright, let me pack my bag, and I’ll be on the road in about twenty minutes, okay?” Dean tried to sound reassuring. “I’ll see you soon, I promise.” He hung up the phone and put it back in his pocket.

Sam raised an eyebrow and rested his chin on his hand. “What’s that all about?”

“Jody needs some help. Hold down the fort? Call me if something comes up, I’ll join you and Cas when I’m done helping her out.” Dean shot a finger gun at Sam before heading to his room.

…

After a quick goodbye to Jack and Cas, Dean took to the open road, hoping to make the trip to Sioux Falls in less than four hours. He popped some Seger into the tape deck for the first half of the drive, and as if they knew the tape was over, another phone call came in.

“D-Train! What’s up?” Dean smiled as he answered.

“I hear you’re on your way to Jodio’s.” Donna’s thick-but-sweet accent came through the speakerphone.

“I am. You know what’s going on?” Dean reached down and grabbed the box of tapes off the floor while keeping his eye on the road.

“Claire’s in a bad place right now, Dean.” She hummed a little, as if in thought. “You know it’s been about a year, right?”

Dean snorted. “Donna, I love you, but you’re assuming I even know what day it is.”

“What are we going to do with you, Winchester? Hmm?” She took in a deep breath. “It’s been a year since the Bad Place.”

“Shit.” Dean briefly closed his eyes and ran his hand down his face. “Wait. What can I do to help her out with that?” Donna started to reply, but her voice was cutting in and out. He picked the phone up off of the seat and noticed his phone only had a bar of signal. “Donna, I can’t hear you, I’m going through a bad spot.” He heard the phone beep in disconnection and shook his head. “Well then.”

He reached into the box and pulled out a random cassette. Upon looking at it, he realized he grabbed Metallica’s Black album and push it into the deck after pulling out Seger’s Night Moves. He tossed Night Moves into the box and took a look at his phone. The bars showed full signal again, and for a moment, he contemplated calling Donna back. He shook his head and turned his focus back to the road.

…

Rather proud of himself for making the drive in three hours and fifty-seven minutes, Dean pulled up in front of Jody’s home, parking Baby next to Jody’s Jeep. Donna’s truck was parked on the other side, and Dean was even more confused as to what he could offer that Jody nor Donna could.

“I thought I heard that engine!” Donna walked down the front steps and pulled Dean into a hug. “I swear you got a horseshoe up your butt with how fast you got here.”

“Probably.” Dean leaned into the back seat after Donna let go and grabbed out his duffel. “So, where’s Hunter Barbie?”

Donna pointed over her shoulder at the house. “In her room. Jody’s trying to get her to eat.”

“Trying to get her to eat? What the hell? Claire puts away food like it’s going out of style.” Dean’s face dropped as he followed Donna into the house.

“We know.” Donna nodded in agreement. “But…”

“Is that Dean?” Jody appeared from the hallway, a full plate in her hand. “Thank goodness you’re here.”

Dean looked back and forth between the two women. “You gonna let me know why you wanted me here?”

“I thought I would be able to relate to her.” Jody hung her head. “With what happened to Sean and Owen.” She leaned into Donna as Donna wrapped her arm around her shoulder. “I get that first love strikes fast, but she blames herself for Kaia’s death.”

“So, how am I supposed to help again?” Dean asked, slightly nervous about where the conversation was going.

“Dean, you’ve gone through something similar, when Cas died.” Donna smiled sadly at Dean.

“I’m not…” Dean shook his head. “Nope, you got that wrong.”

Jody’s head snapped up. “Don’t you dare say that you don’t love Cas, Dean Winchester. Don’t you do it.” Jody got into his personal space and jabbed at his chest with her finger. “You can pretend all you want, but your family has eyes, Dean. Now go in there, and talk to the girl who looks to you for fatherly advice.”

“Jodes,” Donna quietly chided Jody and took her hand. “Don’t push.” She looked at Dean. “Go talk to Claire. Please?”

“Still don’t know how it’s going to help.” Dean walked up the stairs to the bedrooms, vaguely remembering which one was Claire’s. He listened carefully, and heard the soft sobs coming from behind one of the doors, and stopped to knock on it. “Claire?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Dean heard the muffled retort and couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s what I said, Kiddo. I’m coming in.” He pushed down on the door level and opened the door. Claire was laying on her bed, hugging the Grumpy Cat that Cas had bought her for her birthday. “Hey.”

“Jody seriously called you?” Claire’s bright blue eyes peaked over the stuffed animal, and Dean could easily see the resemblance between her and Jimmy. “I’ll get over it. I just need a few days.”

“Yeah, that’s what we tell ourselves, isn’t it?” He reached into his pocket “Remind me, you’re over twenty-one, right?”

“Dean, I’m twenty-three.” She pushed herself up to a sitting position. She tilted her head curiously. “What are you doing?”

“Jodes probably has you dry at the moment, doesn’t she?” He offered his flask to her. “Just a little burn down your throat to ground you.”

Claire looked at Dean in surprise. “Seriously? Jody has the guy who suggests getting drunk to deal with his feelings come and talk to me?”

“Excuse me?” Dean closed his flask back up and put it in his pocket. “A shot of whiskey never hurts anyone.”

“So a bottle of JD is a shot now?” Claire shot back.

Dean pointed his finger at Claire while trying to find the words to prove her wrong. “It’s better than the alternative, and I’ve done the damn alternative.”

“You’ve been sober?”

“Sonofabitch.” Dean ran his hand down his face. “Is this how you’ve been treating Jody and Donna?”

“Nope. They walk away when I tell them to go away.” She laid back down, grabbing the stuffed animal and rolling over. Her back fully to Dean, she commented. “This does mean I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Now I know why they called. I can out stubborn your ass any day.” Dean crossed over and sat on the foot of the bed. “Now. I understand we’re about to hit a year since that… place.”

“And the fact that you all hid from me that there’s an Alternate World version of Kaia here. And you keep telling me to get over her.” Claire’s voice raised in anger with each sentence. “Why should I get over her? Cause there are other girls out there? Cause there are boys out there? Newsflash! I’m a big flaming Lesbian! And this isn’t exactly the best area to go looking for that.” Claire sobbed into her Grumpy Cat. “And I want Kaia.”

Dean’s heart broke, watching Claire collapse in on herself. “Hey Kiddo, come here.” He put his arms out to the sides, offering a hug. “You’re getting softie Dean right now. Come here.”

A sniffle and some shuffling around on the bed and Claire curled up in Dean’s arms. “I know as hunters, we’re not supposed to entertain what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. But Dean, I’m young. She’s… she was young. We should have had more of a chance. I promised to protect her.”

“I know, Claire.” Dean rested his cheek on the top of her head. “And in turn, she jumped in front of you. Protecting you instead.” Claire nodded into his chest, and he took a deep breath. Dean knew why he was there. “I promised to take care of Cas like that, you know.” He gently rubbed Claire’s back as she cried into his chest. “But he’s a freaking angel of the lord. What can I do to protect him?” Dean shook his head. “I’ve watched him die too many times. And this last time? It was too real. It hurt so much.” He closed his eyes. “Claire, he died not knowing how much I love him.”

Claire pulled back slowly. “Did you just admit…” She shook her head. “You do love him.”

“Yeah, I do.” Dean nodded. “I’ve loved Cas for a long time.”

“Does he know? You got a second chance.” Dean blushed at Claire’s question, causing Claire to erupt. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD GIVE?”

“Calm yourself, Barbie.” Dean threw his hands up in defense. “I want so badly to tell him, but it’s never the right time.”

“Newsflash, Dean. It will never be the right time. Stop pushing it off.” Claire squinted and shook her head. “What are you so afraid of?”

Dean stood up abruptly, nearly knocking Claire off the bed. “Nope. Not turning this around on me. I’m here for you.”

“Yeah, well sometimes, one finds healing in the healing of others.” Claire pointed at the recently vacated spot. “Sit your ass back down. You’re supposed to be acting like my Dad and taking care of me, now do it.”

“Because this is how you win me over.” Dean rolls his eyes. “Besides, you said I’m supposed to be helping you. How am I helping you if you’re talking to me about Cas?”

“I’m not thinking about Kaia. I’m working on another problem. Which is why you won’t tell Cas you love him.”

Dean mumbled to himself, despite knowing that Claire was going to make him repeat himself.

“Did you think I wasn’t going to hear that?” Claire glared at Dean. “Look who you’ve surrounded yourself with. Donna and Jody are my moms. They’re together. I just told you I’m a lesbian. Charlie is a lesbian. Rowena has no idea what gender means and will sleep with anyone that’s pretty. Sam is your brother and loves you no matter what. Hell, he’s been putting up with you and Cas forever.”

“Putting up with?” Dean stared in disbelief. “The hell is that supposed to mean?”

Claire laughed and the first hint of light returned to her eyes since Dean entered the room. “Dean, do you really think that you’ve hidden the fact that you’re in love with Cas? Part of the reason I hated you was because I saw how much you loved Cas. And as much as I wanted my father back, I couldn’t do that to you or Cas.” She shook her head. “Dean, you love Cas like the sky is blue, like the grass is green, and like how you think Dr. Sexy deserves one more season.”

“That obvious?”

“That obvious.” Claire nodded. “You really haven’t told him because you thought that your family would disown you? Dean, you’re Bi, not a…” Claire chewed on her bottom lip as she thought of her next words. “You’re human. Humans come in so many different flavors.”

“Shouldn’t I be saying this to you?” Dean sat back down on the bed next to her. “You’re the one who’s suffering.”

“I’m finding this rather cathartic.” Claire leaned against Dean again. “You know, you can’t exactly have this speech with me anyway. It’s not like I’m hiding in the closet. My issue isn’t that I was afraid of telling Kaia how I felt. It was that we never had a chance to explore it. You have Cas. You have love.” She held up her finger as soon as Dean started to open his mouth. “Don’t you dare say that Cas doesn’t love you, cause he’s just as obvious as you are, probably hoping that you’ll pick up on it.”

Dean let out a sigh. “So, you’re calling us idiots?”

“Your words, not mine.” Claire held her hands up in defense before putting them back down. She paused and rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you, Dean.”

“What the hell for?”

“For coming. For distracting me. I’ll always wonder ‘What if’ when it comes to Kaia, but through your inaction, you’ve reminded me to keep living.” She smiled coyly.

“Now that’s just rude. You can make it up to me by joining me for some of Jodes’ cooking.” Dean bumped his shoulder and playfully pushed Claire up. “Come on, Kiddo.”

…

The next morning, after packing up Baby with a ton of leftovers, and getting hugs from the available wayward ladies in his life, Dean hit the road back to Lebanon. He relaxed on the drive, letting Zeppelin keep him calm as he calculated his next steps.

Unlike making the trip to Jody in less than four hours, Dean took his time and clocked in at closer to five. He was almost dreading returning to the bunker, and when he pulled into the garage, he took a moment to calm himself, using a breathing technique Donna had showed him. Dean looked towards the entrance to the bunker, and let out a sigh, getting out of Baby and grabbing his duffel.

As he entered his room, Sam popped in behind him, quietly closing the door. “So?”

“So what?” Dean dropped his bag on his bed, not bothering to turn around and look at his brother.

“What happened up at Jody’s?”

“You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Dean grabbed out the leftovers, turning around and shoving them into Sam’s hands. “Apparently we need more food from Jody.”

“Jody did not have you drive ten hours round trip for food, Dean.” Sam looked down at the containers in his hands. “What’s the actual reason you were there?”

“It’s been a year.” Dean shrugged. “I didn’t realize it until now, but it’s been about a year since we found out about other universes, and we went traipsing around in them, trying to find everyone.” He grabbed out the extra clothes he hadn’t needed and started to put them away. “It’s been a year since Claire lost Kaia, and Jodes thought I had a similar enough situation in which Claire could identify.”

Sam nodded. “You watching Cas die.”

“Yeah. While protecting me. Us.” Dean nodded. He let out a sigh knowing that the easiest hurdle to jump was the one in front of him. “Sam, I’m Bi.”

“No shit,” Sam replied. “Did you think I didn’t notice? Or did you think I would hate you?”

“Dad, uh…”

“Not a good enough excuse, Dean.” Sam interrupted. “Dad didn’t raise me. Dad didn’t take care of me when I was sick. Dad didn’t make sure I got to go on field trips. You did. You’re my brother and my best friend. You honestly thought I’d care that you’re Bi?” Sam shook his head and crossed the room, pulling his brother in for a hug. “I know we don’t do this, but dammit, Dean. I’m not going to hate you because you’re in love with a guy.”

Dean held up his finger, before adding another to make finger quotes. “‘A multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent.’ I love Cas.”

“So what are you going to do about it?” Sam raised an eyebrow, clearly amused.

“I’m going to go tell him.” Dean stepped past Sam and opened his door.

“He’s in the library!”

Dean shook his head and moved down the hallway slowly. He tried to convince himself that things wouldn’t change. He tried to remind himself that no matter what, he and Cas would remain best friends. And as he turned the corner, finding a smile appearing on Cas’ face when Cas saw him, his heart stopped, and the need to fly almost overtook his desire to fight.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas pulled the ribbon of the book he was reading between the pages and closed it. “Sam said you had gone to Jody’s. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I think I was able to help. Maybe not in the way that they imagined, but things were better when I left.” Dean crossed the room and sat in the chair next to Cas. “You hold down the fort okay?”

Cas tilted his head to the side. “You were gone for a day, Dean. Nothing significant happened in your absence.”

“Maybe not here,” Dean muttered, hoping Cas didn’t hear him. He took a deep breath in through his nose and slowly exhaled. “Cas, you know you’re my best friend, right?”

“Yes.” Cas nodded, as he carefully watched Dean. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“Hear me out, Cas. Please?” Dean waited until Cas nodded before continuing. “There’s something I’ve been hiding for a long time, because I was afraid that I’d be disowned, or Sam would hate me, or I’d lose you.”

“While I refuse to speak on your father, there’s nothing you could do to push Sam or myself away.” Cas shook his head.

Dean hung his head and closed his eyes. “I’m Bi. Like, Bisexual.” The silence that hung in the air could only have lasted seconds, but to Dean, it felt like an eternity. He looked up, his eyes finding Cas’. The angel was looking at him, his eyebrow raised in confusion. “Cas, say something.”

“I’m trying to figure out why you think that would chase me away. I’ve told you before I have no preference when it comes to gender or sexual orientation.” Cas turned in his chair to face Dean better.

“I didn’t think it would be my orientation that chased you away.” Dean moved to the edge of his seat, getting closer to Cas. “Please don’t hate me?” He leaned in, wrapping his hand around the back of Cas’ neck before pressing his lips against Cas’. Dean felt Cas freeze under the gesture. He pulled back slightly, his lips still close enough to feel Cas’ breath. “I’m sorry, Cas. I just needed to know–”

Dean didn’t get to finish his sentence. Cas’ mouth crashed back into his, swallowing the whimper of surprise that escaped Dean’s lips. Unlike the first kiss that scared him, Dean felt warm, he felt safe. Dean knew that Cas loved him as much as he loved Cas.

Dean was home.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Fallout 6

SPN RPF 

Warnings: RPF, Smut 

Link to Chapter 5

Words: 3,724

Pairings: Richard Speight Jr x Reader

______

You sat in the passenger seat of the rental car enjoying the cool mountain air on your face. With a smile, you glanced over at Richard. While this was the happiest you had been in a very long while; you also knew the two of you were going to face one hell of a shit storm soon. Running off and eloping was definitely one of the craziest things that you had ever done! You didn’t regret the decision that Richard had come up with at three in the morning the day after returning from Germany.

  “What are we waiting for? Why have a big fancy wedding when no one else cares? Your parents won’t be able to come, mine certainly won’t be there. Now Rob won’t even talk to us about it or anything for that matter.”

  You had said when Richard made the comment about just eloping. Richard looked a little surprised when those words came out of your mouth. He was partially being a smart ass so when you agreed with his idea it was definitely shocking.

  “Wait, you don’t want to have a wedding with the dress and all that…stuff?”

  You shook your head.

  “Not at the moment. If my own brother won’t be there let’s just do a quickie. Yeah, the rest of our friends will probably be bummed but they will get over it. Besides I won’t be fitting into a wedding dress much longer anyway.”

  Richard raised an eyebrow. He knew that you were irritated with Rob for avoiding but this just proved how devastated you were over it. Rolling his eyes, Richard had to fight the urge to call Crystal and give her a good piece of his mind to tell Rob. He let his eyes look down your body to her stomach. You still didn’t look pregnant. 

  “I don’t want you to regret it later.”

  He responded, softly. You shook your head.

  “I won’t.”

  Richard shrugged deciding now was the time to give up.

  “If that’s what you want, babe. I have an idea. We can do our little shotgun wedding and I’ll book us a week or two back in Tennessee. We can get away from all the cameras and nonsense. It would also give us some time alone without interruptions.”

  You looked pleased enough. At the moment, you would have probably agreed with any quickie idea that he could come up with.

  “Sounds good to me.”

  Pulling yourself from the memory of the day before, the only real regret you did have was not telling Rob. But at the same time, if Rob wouldn’t answer your or Richard’s call and texts, there really wasn’t much that could be done. Judging from the look on Richard’s face you were beginning to worry if he was regretting the decision as well.

 “Do you regret what we did?”

  You asked softly. Richard quickly looked at you. He was worrying himself that you were regretting the hasty marriage. If you did, it would crush him! During the ceremony, your eyes hadn’t left his. It almost felt as though you could see his whole soul. If it didn’t work out with you, he would never fall in love with anyone again!

  “What?! No! Not at all, sugar. Are you?”

  You shook your head and wrapped your hand around Richard’s that was resting on your thigh.

  “No. I’m just worried about my brother.”

  Richard nodded.

  “Yeah, that is going to be a barrel of monkeys. Look Y/n, I’m serious when I say I don’t regret marrying you. My regret was not asking you sooner. I just don’t want people thinking the only reason I married you is because I got you pregnant.”

  He slowly brought your hand to his lips before returning his focus to the road ahead. You meanwhile, looked down at her wedding ring. A few weeks ago you would have never even considered marrying Richard. The two of you were only repairing the broken relationship. However, after the eventful trip to Europe, finding out that you were pregnant, being involved in one of the weirdest train incidents to hit northern Europe (big shout out to Jared, you thought with a smirk), and finally getting some alone time with Richard things had started to look up.

  “What’s so funny?”

  Richard asked as he began to mess with the radio. You chuckled.

  “Just thinking about Jared causing havoc in Europe.”

  Richard rolled his eyes.

  “We are seriously never traveling with them again. I thought we going to jail. Amsterdam was nice though.”

  “We didn’t get out of bed for two days.”

  Richard gave you his best “innocent” look.

  “That was my point. I may be keeping you in bed for the next week and a half. When we get to Missouri to see your mother you may not be walking straight. You may want to think of a clever excuse to tell your mother so she won’t know what you have been up to.”

  You rolled your eyes.

  “You are so full of yourself! You won’t be able to go straight for a week in a half. You may play an angel on TV but hate to break it to you love you are just a man in real life ...and kind of like a bottle rocket the moment you get inside me.”

  You watched as he gave you the most confused and bewildered expression.

  “I can go for a long time….if you recall in Amsterdam it was you that needed to keep taking naps. Baby girl, I can get hard for you any time any place. Speaking of which, we could always pull off and fool around.”

  You shook your head.

  “I am not letting you fuck me in some roadside bathroom where tourists might show up.”

  Richard rolled his eyes going back to the radio.

  “Didn’t stop you before.”

  You gave up trying to argue with him knowing he would have some sassy comment that you wouldn’t be able to keep up with.

  “Ugh everything in this state is damn country music. Do you see why I moved to LA now? Imagine growing up in Nashville.”

  Richard grumbled before giving up and stopping at some random station.

  “We’ll be there soon.”

  You said softly running your hand over his crotch. Richard groaned looking over at you again.

  “I’m really about to pull this car over.”

  Taking your hand away, you leaned back with a satisfied grin on your face. With a yawn, you closed your eyes. Jet lag was still holding on from the trip to Europe. A small nap sounded like a good idea. 

    You were pulled out of your light nap when Richard said your name.

  “Huh? What’s wrong?”

  You focused on the radio.

  “In other news, musician and Supernatural actress Y/n Benedict married co star and long-time boyfriend Richard Speight Jr. yesterday…”

  Your mouth dropped as Richard turned off the radio and pulled over. Both of you sat in silence for a moment before Richard laughed.

  “Well, that cat is out of the bag!”

  You groaned realizing that everyone knew now. The little secret was out.  

  “So much for having a week of peace.”

  You looked down at your phone that started ringing. Seeing Jared’s name followed by Jensen, both Marks, Matt Cohen, Sebastian, Misha, Vicki, and everyone else that you seemed to know. Everyone but Rob, your brain supplied. Richard hadn’t taken his eyes off of you.

  “Don’t answer it.”

  Richard said calmly, running his hand through his hair. You frowned.

  “Do you think Rob knows?”

  Richard shrugged.

  “He hasn’t blown my phone up yet so I’m guessing no. Sugar, turn the phone off. Let’s just enjoy our week of peace. We can worry about the mess back home when we get home.”

  (Meanwhile in Missouri)

  Rob’s morning started like any other. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Crystal left to go to work around 8 am. Rob shuffled into the living room picking up his iPad. He frowned looking down the device. Still nothing from you or Richard. Rob couldn’t help wonder what in the world was going on with the two of you? They never just disappeared and avoided him like this.

  Logging onto Twitter, Rob had enough if the two of you wouldn’t answer his calls or texts he would blow your pages up until someone talked to him. Going to your page Rob froze when something caught his attention.

  “Katherine Benedict Speight.”

  Rob frowned muttering “the fuck?” under his breath. Taking out his phone he dialed your number and it automatically went to voicemail.

  “Y/n, it’s Rob. Call me now!”

  He did the same thing to Richard before sitting down with a frown. Seriously what the fuck was going on? Rob was beginning to regret his decision to unplug from the world while he was getting over his stroke.

  Looking further down your twitter page, he froze seeing all he needed to see at the mention of you marrying Richard.

  “Is it that hard to pick up a phone?”

  Rob muttered before angrily closing the iPad. How could the two of you not call him? Just because he was across the country didn’t mean he wouldn’t want to be there when his sister was married!

  “They’ve lost their fucking minds!”

  Rob thought angrily before trying to formulate a plan.

    Meanwhile…

    Walking into the cabin, you were bound and determined not to let the stresses of life come in the way of a nice honeymoon.

  “Are you okay. sugar?”

  You looked up as Richard shut the door.

  “Yeah. I’m good.”

  You knew he didn’t believe you. Richard quickly pulled you into his arms. 

  “If you’re feeling bad it’s okay to say so. You haven’t been at all like my ex. She was sick all the damn time when she was pregnant. I think I handled that pretty well.” 

  You smirked at the fear in his eyes. Most men seemed to have this look when it came to their pregnant partners.

  “I’m fine. I promise.”

  Richard nodded as he picked you up and sat you on the island. He had been keeping a close eye on you since she said the word “pregnant.” He was no longer questioning whether or not he really wanted a baby. While he wasn’t fully on board or over the moon, Richard had accepted it. He tried to smile and appear happy when you mentioned anything baby related. Surely by the time the baby was born he would feel a little more at ease.

  You meanwhile, watched his facial expression carefully. You were no fool, you knew Richard wasn’t thrilled with the baby but he wouldn’t say it. After you almost left him over the baby, Richard had changed his tune. He was more attentive and gentle towards your needs. You had even caught him stroking his fingers over your stomach a few times.

  “So are you going to fuck me on every surface of this cabin?”

  You asked with a smirk. You pushed a strand of Richard’s hair away from his eyes before leaning in for a kiss. Richard groaned into your lips.

  “Richard, can you please just lose control like you used to and manhandle me?”

  “I can’t hurt you right now. You’ll have to deal with soft and easy until the baby is born. Don’t give me that look!”

  You didn’t listen to his last sentence and gave Richard a pouty face.

  “A lot of people have sex while pregnant, Rich.”

  He shook his head and pressed a few kisses to your neck and the exposed parts of your chest.

  “Not like what we have.”

  “You’re not being fair! You have me sounding like a slut again.”

  Richard stood up with a cocky smile He quickly yanked your sweater and tank top off.

  “You can be a slut for me. That I’m cool with.”

  You whimpered, trying to ignore the need building inside of you. From the time you realized that you were pregnant, you were almost always horny. The pregnancy hormones were driving you nuts.

  “And you talking like that isn’t helping!!”

  Richard shrugged.

  “I never said that I wouldn’t fuck you, sugar.”

  You slid off the counter only for Richard to reach out and put you right back.

  “Fucking tease.”

  Richard smiled. He was genuinely pleased with the comment.

  “You take my cock so well, sugar.”

  The look on your face made Richard chuckle as he reached behind you to remove your bra.

  “How the fuck do I get this thing off?”

  He asked upon finding no clasp in the back. You took his hands placing it on the front between your breasts. Richard rolled his eyes mumbling about stupid lingerie designers and their fancy ideas. After a few tries, he started to pull. You quickly pushed his hands away.

  “Oh no you don’t! I paid a lot of money for this bra. You’ve torn too many of my lingerie items when you’re turned on.”

  Richard shrugged unbuttoning his shirt and undoing his jeans.

  “Well, I didn’t get a fucking MIT degree in bra engineering. It either opens in the back or gets ripped off.”

  You carefully undid your bra and tossed it aside. Richard reached up pressing your breasts together before taking one in his mouth and gently bit down. You whimpered, pulling his body closer to yours.

  “Stop being a fucking tease, Richard.”

  “What’s the rush, sugar? We can play for a while? We have all week to consummate our marriage. How about I eat you out in front of the fireplace? I can make the wait worth your while.”  

  You looked like you were ready to scream at this point.

  “Richard Speight Jr, if you don’t make love to me I will blue ball you until this baby is born!!”

  Richard stood up straight looking at you with honest surprise.

  “You wouldn’t…”

  “Try me.”

  You said before you went to put the sweater back on. Richard lunged forward tossing the sweater somewhere behind him.

  “Fine, bossy.”

  He reached out pulling you into his arms and carried you to the bedroom.

  “I still plan on eating you out in front of that fireplace.”

  He said with a devious grin. Richard laid you on the bed. You quickly wiggled out of your remaining clothes as Richard undressed.

  “I have to say I do enjoy these pregnancy hormones. You being horny all the time will make it better for me to just bend you over whenever I damn please. ”

  “That would be lovely. You’ve always taken what you wanted so bending me over when you damn well please isn’t anything new. Seeing as we have spent a lot of time in airplane bathrooms, closets, dressing rooms I think your sex drive is as crazy as mine.”

  Your lips were on his neck while a fee hand wrapped around his erection. Whatever sassy comment Richard had in mind left his mind as you tightened her grip. You bit down on his neck as Richard bucked his hips into your hand.

  “Sugar…please.”

  You slowly eased your way onto Richard, placing yourself right over him. Richard groaned raising his hips to grind further against you.

  “What’s the matter, baby? You want me as bad as I want you, huh?”

  Richard nodded, looking at you with the best puppy eyes he could come up with.

  “Sugar, you can dominate me later. Let me make love to you know.”

  You shook your head.

  “Sorry, lover boy. You made me wait now you have to wait.”

  Richard glared up at you. Normally he would have flipped you and pushed in. Once he was inside, you wouldn’t have made him stop. Now it was different. There was no way he could do that now.

  “It will make your orgasm better.”

  You cooed as you leaned down pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

  “At least do something. You sitting there looking hot as hell rubbing your pussy on me is killing me!”

  You continued rubbing yourself against him again. Richard groaned when you got off of him. The sudden loss of pressure was more than he could handle.

  “Sugar... please…”

  He panted as you lay with your back the opposite direction so it was possible to see how wet for you were for him. 

  “Now you get to watch me. I don’t want to see you touch yourself.”

  You watched with a pleased smile as Richard put his hands behind his head.

  “Whatever you want, baby.”

  He watched with hungry eyes as your hand slipped between your legs, stroking over your clit, and began to toy at your entrance. From your position, you could clearly see the lust-filled about to lose all grip on reality look on your husband’s face. Richard gripped the sheets so tight they ripped off the bed.

  Richard sat watching a moment long before quickly moving over you.

  “I’m done waiting. I want what’s mine.”

  He pushed in before you could make any protest.  You cried out as he sunk in balls deep. Richard made sure not to put too much weight on you as he began to move.  

  “Mmm sugar you are so tight right now”

  You cried out as he began to slowly push into you deeper if possible.

  “Harder, please.”

  You moaned. The cocky self-assured expression had returned to Richard’s face. 

  “Looks like little ms. bossy has changed her tune.”

  You sighed against his lips as Richard moved a little faster.

  “Rich, for the love of all things holy, please go harder. I’m not that delicate!”

  Richard ignored the comment before pressing a kiss to your lips blocking any more comments. His hand went between your bodies and pressed hard on your clit.

  “Since I can’t fuck you sore I can think of other ways to make you come like crazy. I know you like this.”

  You tried to ignore the tingling in your core. As usual, he was right. There wouldn’t be any holding on much longer!

  “You can come for me any day now. I’m not going to make it much longer after you teased me like that.”

  Richard moaned between gritted teeth.

  “I thought you wanted to eat me out in front of the fireplace?”

  You asked with a cheeky smile. Richard’s eyes rolled down to yours.

  “Darlin, you have a long fucking week ahead of you after this today! Now like I said come already!”

  You dug your nails into Richard’s back as one final thrust pushed you over the edge. Richard pushed in a few more times before coming hard as well.

  “Well being bossy sure got you all hot and bothered.”

  You said with a grin as Richard slowly pulled you into his arms.

  “Yeah yeah. You’ll be paying for that too, princess.”

  You snuggled against his chest. Finally, you were fully his wife now and you were fully happy. You didn’t let the thoughts of Rob, Crystal, or your friend's reaction bother you in the slightest as you drifted off to sleep.

  Around 5 am, you were awoken by the sound of Richard’s cell phone ringing and you being dropped out of his arms. Richard muttered a few cuss words under his breath as he flipped on the bedside lamp before finally locating his phone. He had reluctantly turned it on halfway through the night at the thought of something being wrong with his kids and no one being able to reach him.

  Fishing around for his cell phone that must have gotten knocked off during the previous night's activities, Richard couldn’t help but be annoyed. Who the fuck called someone at 5 am? Someone had better died! He wasn’t a morning person anyway and after getting fucked like he had the previous night all Richard wanted was to sleep.

  Finally finding the phone, Richard didn’t even look to see who it was before answering with a curt, “hello?”

  “So you finally decide to answer your phone?”

  Hearing Rob’s voice, Richard froze before getting suddenly angry.

  “I guess I should ask you the same question. So is it customary to call people at 5 am now?”

  Richard kept his voice cold. Rob was silent a moment.

  “You married my sister!?”

  “Hey look you can check the internet. Too bad you couldn’t check your phone. So I get we aren’t friends anymore is this why you called me at five am…to torture me? You know I’m not a morning person!”

  Rob was silent for a few moments.

  “Wait, why aren’t we friends?

  Richard rolled his eyes.

  “Well shit, Rob, I don’t know! You ignored mine and Y/n’s calls for the past however, the fuck long you’ve been in Missouri.”

  “You idiots haven’t called me!”

  Richard rolled his eyes.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?! We’ve called and texted you. Not to mention your Cuntzilla of a girlfriend who always says he will call you back. You want our phone records because I will send them to you! Rob, you really hurt your sister and that’s not cool. Right now I just don’t have the patience to deal with this. Call me at a normal human hour. I have to go I have a pregnant wife to deal with…”

  Richard hung up when he heard Rob say…

  “Pregnant?! Richard wait!”

  You were sitting up looking at him sadly.

  “Sorry, sugar.”

  You blinked looking down at your lap before Richard pulled you back against his chest.

  “Rich, even though I want to be stubborn we should hear him out. You two are too good of friends to have it end like this.”

  Richard closed his eyes.

  “Yeah. We’ll listen to him at a normal human hour when I have had coffee. That conversation is going to need coffee.  Remind me to print those fucking phone records!”

_______

@brokencasbutt67-writer

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[kumkaniudaku]

Heard About Us: One

A/N: Maya and CoCo are finally meeting. I won’t say too much until the last part is posted but, I would like to say (type) a huge thank you to @brianabreeze for creating such an iconic character and agreeing to work with me on this. If you want to be added of removed from the tag list, let one of us know. Enjoy. 

Friendly conversation pinged from table to table as women from all walks of life settled into the Ritz Carlton ballroom for the scheduled event. Spearheaded by a Los Angeles based support group, the weekend was reserved to celebrate and encourage women that have endured miscarriages. Ladies from all walks of life were invited to share their stories of pain and triumph in a safe and uplifting environment.

Tasha Boseman stood in the near the door, assisting with check-in to distract her brain from the nervous energy surging through her body.

“T, why are you over here,” her best friend and event planner, Yvonne, asked walking up to the table. “I appreciate the help but, I think I got it from here.”

“Damn! Excuse me for wanting to help my girl.”

“Don’t start, heffa. I know you well enough to know that you don’t want to go in there and talk to people.”

“You don’t know shit,” Tasha mumbled, looking around the room at the unfamiliar faces. Motherhood and being a wife had been her security blanket for five years. Now, she was forced to interact with people that weren’t her husband or daughter and she was uncharacteristically nervous. “Okay, you’re right!”

Grabbing her shoulders, Yvonne led a deep breathing exercise. “You are here to meet and bond with women that share your story. It’s okay to be scared but, you’ve gotta get out there and make new friends.”

“Are you saying you don’t want me anymore?”

“I’m saying,” Yvonne turned Tasha’s body to face the large ballroom. “Go mingle. It’s time for you to make more mommy friends. Go on!”

With a light shove, Tasha found herself shying away from the moment. Always the life of the party, she never had issues sparking conversation and meeting new people. Life managed to force her into a cocoon, making her first event since having her daughter feel like her first day of high school.

Nervously, the threaded through the see of people to reach her table. She sat alone and observed the cocktail hour, mentally complimenting outfits and eavesdropping on nearby conversations. Curiosity got the best of Tasha as she began to wonder who she was seated next to for the night.

“Serena Williams, oh thank God,” she commented, thankful that at least one familiar person would join her. “Jacquelyn, Tracy and...Maya Udaku, Queen of Wakanda.”

Her eyes bugged at the nameplate situated beside her seat. Tasha had met various women at the top of their professions from Beyonce to Soledad O’Brien but never a Queen.

Whipping her phone out, she tapped away in the Google search engine, trying to gather any information she could before the event began.

“Bachelor of Arts from Yale, songwriter, and award winning actress? Okay, sis, I see you!” Scrolling through the images, she smiled at a photo of the Queen in her sorority attire. “Uh oh, we got a ‘K’ in the house.”

As an alumnae chapter member of Delta Sigma Theta, Tasha had long pushed past the undergraduate jokes between the sororities and enjoyed spending time with other members of the Divine 9 organizations.

“Good evening, ladies,” Misha, the event’s organizer, started. “If I could get your attention for a moment, we’ll be starting in about ten minutes. Please, continue to mingle as you find your seats.”

As Tasha sent a quick text to her husband to find out more information, a regal presence settled over the room. Maya, in all her glory, came sauntering into the event space flanked by two fierce warriors on either side.

Her energy was warm despite seeming physically uncomfortable. Others would mistake her short introductions and nonchalant demeanor for snob behavior but, Tasha knew better. She was all too familiar with the defense mechanism because she frequently employed it in unfamiliar company. Maya was nervous.

“She looks familiar. Think I’ve seen her on stage before when we lived in New York.”

Chadwick sent back, not answering any of the questions that his wife had asked. Closing the message thread, Tasha focused her attention on the two guards flanking the owner of the last seat at the table.

“My Queen, your seat,” the deep brown woman informed the monarch. All eyes fell on Maya as she took her seat in silence.

“Thank you Ayo. You and Kali can stand outside the doors. I’ll call you if I need you.”

The guards eyed her curiously, remaining steadfast until they were given a reassuring nod. Turning back to the table of women in front of her, Maya gave everyone a once over, trying to decipher the various facial expressions around the table. When she stopped at Tasha, she was greeted with a warm, half smile and extended hand.

“I’m Tasha, Tasha Boseman. How you doin’, sis?” Her familiar Southern accent made Maya smile as she reached out to return the gesture.

“Maya Udaku, Queen of Wakanda. I’m good, girl. Nervous as hell.”

“Girl, you must be reading my mind!”

The new acquaintances shared a brief smile before their attention was drawn to the woman stepping to the podium at the front of the room.

“Again, good evening,” Misha waited for the responses to die down before continuing. “Welcome to our first ever women’s retreat, sponsored by my women’s support group based in LA. We’re so excited to have you here with us. To kick us off for the night, we have a few ice breaker questions in the bowls in the center of your tables. We want you to find a partner at your table and pick questions from the bowl to learn a bit more about each other. How does thirty minutes sound?” Murmurs of agreeance sounded in response. “Good! Time starts...now!”  

Pairing began immediately as the women around the room began to gravitate toward those they knew best. Tasha attempted to turn to Serena, finding that her friend had already paired with Gabrielle Union. Looking to her left, she noticed Maya nervously tapping at the table, watching the commotion around her.

“Should I go first or do you want to?”

Maya snapped out of her daze, offering a small smile. “You go ahead.”

“Okay, first question! Where are you from?”

“Originally? Savannah, Georgia. But, my parents raised me in New York. What about you? I hear that twang in your voice.”

“I was born and raised in Lithonia, Georgia. We’re basically next door neighbors,” Tasha laughed. “Your turn.”

Maya reached for the bowl to pick a slip of paper to unravel. “Oh, this is a good one. Share an interesting fact that not many people know about you.”

“Damn, that’s hard. Uh...not too many people know that I have my husband’s initials tattooed on my ring finger.” Tasha removed her wedding band to show the small “CAB” inscribed on the inner portion of the digit. “Don’t judge me. In my defense, he got his first!”

“Girl, how can I judge? I have my man’s name on me too!”

“Oop,” Tasha quirked her eyebrows at Maya. “I’m gonna assume that you not showing me where it is means that you got it somewhere that only he would see.”

Maya mirrored Tasha’s expression causing the two to fall out in a bout of loud laughter.

“Okay, you caught me! What’s the next question?”

“Alright, let’s see what we got,” Tasha fished for another piece of paper. “Are or were you a member of any organizations?”

“I think the one I take the most pride in is my sorority.”

“Sorority? Let me find out you’re a soror!” Though she knew the answer to the question, Tasha decided to let Maya reveal the information on her own.

“Only if you’re part of the first and finest sorority in all the land.”

“Oh no ma’am. I prefer to identify as a woman of vision, a devastating diva!”

“A Delta! Girl, I’m so sorry.”

The ladies shared another laugh, both of them silently excited to find someone that shared their sense of humor. Had Maya attempted that shade with anyone else, it would almost always turn into a passive aggressive altercation. With Tasha, she felt comfortable enough to drop the tidbit of sass and know that it could be appreciated.

“I’ll let you have that one! So, line name and number? You look like the tre.”

“Close, I was the quad. Akatress is what they called me. What about you?”

“I’m the lovely four duck known as Legend4ry in Deltaland,” Tasha answered, flipping her twist out dramatically. “I didn’t get the undergrad, Alpha chapter experience unfortunately. I was in way too much to pledge but, I’m an alumnae chapter member back home in Los Angeles.”

“You all have time for one more question!” Misha informed the group.

Maya unraveled the last slip of paper and read the question, “This is a cute one! Do you have any kids and, if so, do you have any pictures?”

“Lord knows I love showing off my baby,” Tasha beamed, reaching for her phone to show off her only daughter. Clicking the button in the side of her phone, she revealed an adorable picture of Micah showing off the awards she received at her kindergarten graduation. “This is my little one, Micah Noelle.”

“Girl, she is gorgeous! She looks likes my baby Malaika when she was younger. Here, look!” Maya opened her phone to search for a baby picture of her oldest child.

“Wooooow! Literal twins! What does she look like now?”

It was true. Give or take a few features, Mala and Micah could’ve been mistaken as twins at that age. Swiping to the next picture, Maya came to a more recent picture.

“This is her now with her brother, Abdul.”

“She’s such a little model. And look at this handsome young man! Your kids are beautiful!” While viewing the photo, Tasha scrunched her face in curiosity at a figure in the background. “Hey, who i-”

“Times up, ladies!” Maya, oblivious to the confusion on Tasha’s face retrieved her phone before turning to focus her attention on the front of the stage. She didn’t want to seem crazy but, she couldn’t shake the familiar face in the background of the picture.

“Tomorrow is about sharing our stories but, tonight is about fun!” The women in attendance applauded, happy for the opportunity to let their hair down and enjoy themselves. “There’s food, music and enough alcohol to make sure everyone has a good time. Feel free to indulge and mingle. Remember, our panel discussion starts the day at 11 am, followed by some group therapy sessions. Now, let’s get this shit started, shall we?”

On cue, DJ Queen of Spade started the mixer with Rihanna’s “Pour it Up” to encourage women to get up and move around. The energy of the room created an open environment for all in attendance, famous and blue collar alike, to spark conversation and enjoy the festivities.

Like magnets, Tasha and Maya remained close for the remainder of the night. As Maya moved, so did Tasha and vice versa. They shared stories of motherhood during dinner, introduced each other to their respective friends and colleagues and made time to take keepsake pictures in the provided photobooth. In a short time, the two women from worlds closer than they thought, became inseparable.

By the end of the night, they were holding each other up, drunkenly engaging in a battle of compliments while they took the elevator from the hotel lobby to their respective floors.

“Oh my God, Star, your shoes are so cute.”

“No no no, Co, your hair though...it’s like, so beautiful.”

“No, your hair is fuckin’ amazing. In Wakanda do they-” Tasha paused to hiccup and laugh at herself. “What was I saying?”

“Girl, I don’t know. What was I saying?”

They laughed together, missing the soft ‘ding’ of the elevator as it reached the19th floor. Neither of them noticed the annoyed figure that stood in front of them with his arms crossed as the doors slid open.

“Kitten, where have you been? It is time for you to come to bed. Do you know how long I sat awake waiting for you?”

Maya kissed her teeth and rolled her eyes at her husband’s pestering, “Cletus, I was having fun. Take your grumpy ass upstairs!” Turning to address Tasha, she noticed her company’s strange expression. “This is my husband, T’Challa. T’Challa, this is Tasha.”

“Good morning, Tasha. I assume you are the one that kept my wife away from me for so long?” He extended his hand to the bewildered woman, growing more agitated when she did not return the gesture.

“Ch-Chadwick?”

“I’ll give you one minute, Maya. Do not make me come and find you.” He warned, ignoring Tasha.

“Yeah, whatever, nigga. I’m grown, too!” Maya shook her head at her husband before turning to address Tasha. “He’s such an old man but, he’s so fine.”

“That’s your husband?”

“Most times. Some days I feel like trading him in for a bottle of Hennessy,” the joking tone in her voice dropped when she noticed Tasha’s expression. “Girl, you are fucked up. You sure you can get back to your room by yourself? I can have one of my guards escort you. Ayo!”

Snapping out of her haze, Tasha shook her head. “No! Don’t...I mean...I can make it on my own. I’ll be okay. I just need to get to my man so he can fix all this.”

“Oooh, same, girl! Challa is mad and I love Daddy when he’s mad! See you in the morning. You wanna meet for breakfast. I don’t know if their food is good but, we can try it out.”

“And if it’s not, I know a place where can go get some good ass biscuits!”

The two Southern women shared a moment, grasping hands while they bonded over their love of a fluffy biscuits and authentic breakfast items.

“Good night, Tasha. Thank you for helping me loosen up.” Past the thin, alcohol induced gloss over her eyes, Maya’s sincerity was on display for Tasha to observe.

“Don’t mention it. We gotta stick together out here. Even if you are an AKA.”

“Oh, girl!”

“KITTEN! I A-”

“I’m got damn coming, T’Challa! Go to bed!” Tasha watched in amusement as the King rolled his eyes and recoiled to enter their suite. Maya returned her attention to the woman in front of her, adding a small smile. “Is 9:45 a good time?”

“It’s perfect. Now, go ahead and get to your man before he comes back. I don’t want no problems.”

“Eh, he’ll get over it. He shouldn’t have followed me here if he was going to complain the whole time.”

After a brief hug, Tasha stayed put to make sure Maya got into her room safely before pushing the button to get to the next floor. The stagger in her walk prolonged the trip and, when she finally reached the door, she fumbled with the key to grant her access to her bed and husband.

On the fifth attempt, the wooden door flung open to reveal her shirtless and groggy partner.

“Somebody had a good time,” He yawned while scratching his chest.

“Are you really Aaron or is this a joke?”

“What are you-” He paused to identify the smell oozing from her pores. “CoCo, you know you can’t drink. Come in here so I can get you in the bed.”

“Aaron, I-”

Chadwick tuned her out as he pulled her inside and closed the door behind her. Her sloppy recounting of the night’s events fell on deaf ears while he undressed her and did his best to tie her scarf around the perimeter of her head. When he was done, he carefully guided her to the bedroom to tuck her in before crawling into the space beside her and pulling her body into his.

“Baby, I swear he looks just like you!”

“Mhmm, he looks just like me. I hear you, sweetheart. How about we save this conversation for the morning. Hm?”

“M’kay,” the alcohol was beginning to transform her talkative spell into drowsiness as she snuggled closer to her husband. “You don’t think I’m crazy, right?”

“Of course not, baby. I think you’re drunk,” he kissed her forehead and pulled the covers over her bare shoulders. “And crazy.”

TAG LIST: @njadont @k-michaelis @wakandanmoonchild @idilly @texasbama @afraiddreamingandloving @inxan-ity @daytimeheroicsonly @onyour-right @brianabreeze @sisterwifeudaku @ironsquad @killmongerdispussy @90sinspiredgirl  @willowtree77785901 @maynardqueen101 @heyauntieeee @halfrican-heat @purple-apricots @lalapalooza718 @blue-ishx @profilia @ljstraightnochaser @girl-wtf-lmao @dramaqueenamby @royallyprincesslilly @melaninmarvel @thiccdaddy-mbaku @lavitabella87 @purplehairgawdess @unholyxcumbucket @airis-paris14 @uhlxis @oshasimone @maliadestiny @drsunshine97 @cozyshack2 @zxddy-panther @queentearra @skysynclair19 @retro-melanin @mermaidchansons @misspooh @melanisticroyalty @babygirlofwakanda @wakanda-4evr @sarahboseman @karensraisns @blackmissmarvel @wakandankings @kaykay4454fan @ororowrites @awkwardlyabstract @mixedmelanin @brownsugarcocoabutterwildflowers @sunflowerpsalms @panthergoddessbast @justanotherloveaffair @jaeee-http @iliketowrite1996 @blackpantherismyish @thompettiedatheaux @msincognito67 @reignsxjackson @yaachtynoboat711 @syreanne @ilcb7

[orionsangel86]

Season 15 - Spoilers and Speculation

OKAY HI EVERYBODY GUESS WHO HAS BEEN SCREAMING OVER ON TWITTER FOR HALF AN HOUR!

There I was happily trying to watch the Great British Bake Off as you do, and my notifications start blowing up because someone decided to go write a ridiculous spoilery article about season 15 in the TV Guide magazine and all the good and terrible things we have to look forward too! So I promised I would attempt some sort of time line of spoilers and events so that we can jumble together some expectations (and some yummy speculation) about the upcoming season! 

Episode 1 - we know that Cas is in this episode as Misha was filming. We know that Alex was also filming though potentially either as a corpse, or as a manifestation of someones guilt/hallucination (these are theories not confirmed). Other than this we know that Jack “won’t be coming back from the Empty for a while now” and hasn’t been seen filming since. (source)

Episodes 2 and 3 - The main spoilers of relevance are that Dean and Cas are still not okay with each other. There is tension between them and they won’t be okay for a while (sources on this are from SDCC and well, everywhere, unless you’ve actually been living under a rock all summer).

Now today we got this spoiler:

[Twitter link]

“Theres a scene we shot recently that really got to me. Cas decides he’s going away for a while. And it wasn’t necessarily a goodbye, but it felt like that to me.”

and this one:

[Twitter Link]

“Cas feels he’s losing Sam and Dean, the only other people in the universe he has a connection to”

and this:

[Twitter Link]

“God becoming his primary enemy bent on destroying everything he cares about is a really difficult transition for Cas to go through” as a result, after a few episodes of chaos, Cas gets fed up and takes a personal time-out before returning to the action, or as Collins puts it, “He leaves in a huff.”

So we have been speculating that this likely takes place in episode 3 following some big dramatic showdown. Cas leaves because he just can’t deal with everything that is happening. Poor angel has lost his son, found out his father is basically enemy number 1, and he has lost the one person he cares about most in the universe (honestly I just don’t see Sam falling out with Cas here because those two are TIGHT but Sam’s friendship alone won’t be enough to make Cas stay - it’s the DeanCas tension that all the PR has been going on about lately).

So then we have two Cas free episodes with 4 and 5 (and I love that there was early speculation following a pic that Jensen posted that Dean might have a beard in episode 4 because OMG GRIEF BEARD OVER LOSING CAS HELLO YES PLEASE GIMME THIS!)

Episode 6 set spoilers show Jared and Misha filmed together, whereas there were very few Jensen sightings. We can therefore speculate that Sam reaches out to Cas because he is fed up of his brothers sulking? Or maybe Cas finds a hunt and calls Sam because he’s still mad at his husband. Or well, anything along these lines. If Dean and Cas don’t reunite in episode 6, then that makes for a very interesting timeline with episode 7. Which is looking to be EPIC.

We have received quite a few spoilers for episode 7 so far. We know that Christian Kane is going to be playing an “old friend” of Dean’s from his past (who it appears Sam doesn’t know, or at least isn’t involved with). We know there will be a fight scene which “the fans will love” whatever that means, and we know that they filmed at “Swayze’s bar”. [Twitter Source]

*rubs temples and tries not to reach for the red nose straight away*

We also now know that Jensen will be singing in this episode and that Dean and Leo have a “wild night” together where Dean will “recapture his mojo” [Twitter Source]

*starts painting face with red and white*

So Dean was down on his mojo eh Dabb? This is starting to sound a bit like early season 13. Dean clearly doesn’t take too well to Cas leaving him in episode 3. >.>

Now I am convinced that no matter what happens in episode 7, the homoerotic tension is gonna be EXTREME, but please allow me to go full clown mode here for a second 

*adjusts rainbow wig*

*HERE BE SPECULATION FOLKS - JUST SOLID CLOWN FACED SPECULATION*

If this episode does indeed go down the route of Leo being an ex boyfriend, if something DOES happen between Dean and Leo beyond just bros being bros, then we have a legit coming out episode here following a huge bust up with his actual husband that somehow ends with Dean getting his mojo back. This episode, like every Dean focused episode, usually ends up with Dean getting some big realisation. Dean growing a little bit more, and the audience learning something new about him. Whatever goes down, we are now in a prime position for a DeanCas reunion either by episode end or in episode 8. 

IF in episode 8 Dean is able to reconcile with Cas in someway, but because some other horrible shit goes down (which based on latest spoilers could potentially be an Adam/OG!Michael return/Cage breakout of hell nightmare) plus since episode 8 is a Bucklemming episode meaning it will be overly jam packed with plot stuff so a potential Jack return plus Empty entity in this one too - then...

*deep breath*

The time line fits.

Episode 8 plot filled mayhem interrupts a true DeanCas make up scene but we get at least some reveal that Dean wants to have a “conversation” with Cas, then imagine if following the episode 8 drama Jack returns. Imagine if we get a midseason finale in episode 9 where for at least a small part of the episode it looks like the family is back together? Following all the angst and separation of the early season we are right back to where we were during the midseason finale of season 14 - TFW2.0 together again and fighting side by side. Enough to bring some joy to our poor angels otherwise broken heart?

Imagine if though, when all is said and done, right after the boys think they have a win, Dean gets his moment. The show has already given us his coming out ep. He has already realised what it is he truly wants, now he finally gets the chance to reach out and grasp for it...

But when he does it’s a moment too late. It’s time to pay up. Cas gets his moment of true happiness - and the Empty takes him. Midseason finale ends with a horrified Dean having just laid his heart on his sleeve, and a dead Castiel at his feet.

THE TIMELINE FITS.

(I know. I’m a clown for having any hope in this - but my god the potential is too much for me to bare. HONK HONK)

Standard Disclaimer: Nothing I say here is claiming to be factual other than sources from PR related material and spoilers from set. Speculation is all based on what we have seen and my own foolish hope that this show might actually go the way it has been building up to for 10 fucking years. I am not a psychic. I do not have a crystal ball. Readers are asked to manage their own expectations and not blame me for daring to squee about my own excited enthusiasm on the internet on my own blog. Hate is not welcome. Negative comments and moaning accusations are not welcome. Either squee with me in excited delight or scroll on past. You are welcome to join my screaming over on Twitter as well.

Manage your own expectations. I am not telling you anything is going to happen other than what I would LIKE to happen. As always PR IS NOT SHOWRUNNING.

Thank you and good night.

[honeypiehotchner]

dancing on my own -- part nine

Oh hello. *hides behind a blanket* I have had a very rough couple of weeks but writing this cuteness has helped me a tiny bit so I hope it makes you smile :)

Words: 1,710

Summary: More con shenanigans, basically. 

Warnings: fluff, probably bad writing, but hey I’m trying my best here and I’m really tired I haven’t slept in so long so pls be gentle

EDIT like five seconds after I hit post: Shoot, here’s the masterlist.

~~~ “Dickchat!”            

“Shh! Rich!”            

“It’s Dickchat.”            

“She’s asleep.”            

I stir, rubbing my forehead against the softest surface I find.            

“Dammit, Rich!”            

“Dickchat.”            

“Get away from me.”

I finally open my eyes, giggling at the two of them. They bicker like an old married couple. If anyone didn’t know them and heard their arguments, they’d probably think they were married. I swear.            

“She’s awake!” Rich pauses, bringing his phone back out. 

“Dickchat!”            

“Dickchat,” I reply, humoring him. And as expected, he cheers and walks away, posting the Snapchat a little too triumphantly. I shake my head before turning to look at Rob. “How long was I knocked out?”            

“Half an hour,” he replies. “You okay?”            

I nod, smiling softly. “I’m good. Sorry for using your shoulder as a pillow.”            

But he shakes his head then, dismissing my apology. “Anytime.”            

I try not to grin, stretching my legs and arms out in front of me. “When’s lunch supposed to get here?”            

“I don’t even know.” He glances around the room. “I thought Rich was bringing it back.”           

“Who knows,” I shrug. I pull my phone out from under my leg, checking my text messages.

>Anna-banana: Wanna go to Hardrock for lunch?

>Anna-banana: Shoot the wait is too long            I chuckle at the screen. We live here and she knows how busy Hardrock Café is.>Anna-banana: Are you workinggg            

And then as I’m reading her messages, I see another one come through.

>Anna-banana: Nevermind. I saw what you were doing 😉            

I quickly dim the brightness on my screen, not that it matters anyway, because Rob has picked his guitar back up and is more focused on that right now, but still.

>Hush!! I may or may not have taken a short nap

>Where did y’all end up going for lunch??            

She tells me they went to somewhere in Midtown, dad deciding to move the car and everything because that’s how he is. Thankfully they’re back now because Anna has a photo with Misha soon. I promise to meet her in the room to see Misha.            

“There’s lunch,” Rob breathes, nodding toward the door where Billy, Stephen, and Mike are coming in, arms full of pizza boxes.

>We’re having pizza, want some?            

It takes my sister, possibly the biggest lover of pizza I know, less than six seconds to reply.

>Anna-banana: PLEASE>YOU JUST ATE

>Anna-banana: SO?

>I’m coming to get you. Crazy.            

“I have to go get my sister,” I inform Rob as I push myself off the floor. He does the same, standing and leaning his guitar back up against the wall.            

“I’ll come with you,” he offers.            

And part of me, the part of me that knows how Anna is, immediately wants to tell Rob that I’ll be fine, I’ll just be right back. But then he smiles, bumping his shoulder against mine as he shifts around waiting for my answer. And I can’t tell him no.            

“Sure,” I smile. “Come on.”            

We make our way through the people starting to get pizza, passing by Kim, Bri, Ruth, and Rachel who all give me knowing looks – except Bri, she downright gives me a suggestive look that nearly causes me to burst into laughter right there.            

As soon as we’re out in the hallway and away from everyone – most notably Rich, who would be the one to tease Rob the most – Rob bumps his shoulder into mine again.            

I glance over at him with a smile, bumping my shoulder with his.            

“Can I…hold your hand?”            

The warmth in my chest spreads so violently that I nearly collapse, nodding my head and watching as his face splits into a grin. He threads our fingers together then, squeezing my hand tightly before bringing the back of my hand to his lips in a gentle kiss.            

I don’t know how I’m still walking. I swear my legs feel like they could give out on me at any moment.            

We turn the corner, almost out into the main area where I told Anna to meet me.            

“Do you wanna get dinner tonight?” Rob blurts.            

My eyes find his, my eyebrows furrowing. “When?”            

“After the concert,” he replies. “I’d have to shower and all, but we could grab something together. Or room service, if you wanna do that—”            

“Don’t you want to go to SNAP in Bri’s room?”            

“I thought you weren’t going.”            

“I’m not,” I smile, shaking my head. Bri and I have already talked about it. There’s usually alcohol there; that’s the whole point. And just because I don’t drink and I don’t trust myself around large amounts alcohol at the moment doesn’t mean I want everyone else to suffer. And she understood that, so SNAP is continuing as planned, and we can have another slumber party sometime soon to make up for me missing it. “But I don’t want you to not go just because I’m not.”            

“No, I just wanna take you to dinner.”            

“Robert Patrick Benedict,” I tease. “Did you just ask me out on a date?”            

“I think so,” he laughs. “I’m not sure if you said yes or not though.”            

We stop at the double doors that open up into the convention hall, our fingers still intertwined with one another. We know we’ll have to put the distance between us again when the doors open, half for our own sakes and half because…the fans spread information quick and we both haven’t really established what exactly this is just yet.            

Knowing this, I lean forward and press a kiss to his cheek. “Yes.”            

He exhales dramatically – or knowing him, he really was that nervous. “Cool.”            

I laugh loudly, pushing against his chest, our hands falling away from each other. I shake my head as I grab my phone, seeing a text from Anna telling me she’s outside.            

But before I can open the door, Rob is pulling me into his arms, taking a deep breath. I do the same without thinking, letting myself enjoy the feeling that is a hug from Rob – he gives the best ones, sorry Jensen.            

“I’m supposed to be feeding my sister.”            

“I know.”            

“Rob.”            

“Fine,” he whines. “I get to take you to dinner.”            

“Yes,” you nerd, “you get to take me to dinner.”            

I push the doors open, Rob following behind me as I search the hall for Anna. Thankfully she is close to where I asked, so we don’t spend too much time out there. I’m never recognized near as much as Rob is at these things, even though he swears he is not that popular.            

He’s wrong, in case you were wondering.           

Anna spots Rob behind me and immediately grins, causing me to give her a near death glare in the process.             

“Hey Rob.”            

“Hey Anna,” he smiles, pulling her in for a side hug as we walk back through the doors into the back hall.            

“Did you have a good nap?”            

“Anna!” 

I’m going to kill her.            

But all Rob does is grin, giving me a mischievous look. “It was nice. I had someone snoring next to me, but…”            

I gasp, shoving his shoulder which only causes him to dissolve into laughter. “I don’t snore.”            

He gives me a look.            

“Okay, alright,” I chuckle, wrapping my arm around my sister’s shoulders. “Let’s go get pizza and leave the judgment behind.”           

“Oh!” Rob laughs loudly, moving to walk on the other side of me.            

“Are you singing tonight?”            

I turn to look at my sister. “Yeah. Why?”            

She shakes her head. “Just wondering. People have been saying you are but I hadn’t heard.”            

“Well I guess I really am now,” I laugh, nudging Rob in his side, bringing his eyes back to mine. “Are we practicing later?”            

“We need to,” he nods. “We’ll have time.”            

The walk to the green room is shorter than I remember, but I guess Rob and I walked a little slower.            

As soon as the door opens and the girls spot Anna, though, they are pouncing on her with bear hugs before she has time to think.            

“Did you leave any pizza for us?” I tease.            

Rich is the first to answer me. “Mm, maybe.”            

I smack him on the head with a plate, grabbing Anna a slice of cheese and me a slice of pepperoni. I take her plate back to her, still marveling at how she can eat pizza when she just got back from eating lunch. The girls have her caught up in conversation, though, and I swear they like her more than they like me.            

I jump a little when I feel a soft touch on my elbow, turning to see Rob standing by me, a plate of pizza in hand.            

“Do you wanna come sit over there?”            

I glance toward where his head nodded, finding an empty table…where two drinks and some napkins are already set out with breadsticks. I give him a look, whispering, “Are you asking for a pre-date before our actual date?”            

He looks around, acting like he’s contemplating his answer before he finally says, “Maybe.”            

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Sure. I’d love to.”            

We make our way over to the table, ignoring the comments we know the rest of the room are silently sharing. We’ve gone from denying it straight to their faces, subtly showing some signs, to now eating lunch together as a semi-date all in the span of one day.            

I need a breather. I think I’m getting whiplash here.            

But in all honesty, it doesn’t even feel like that. I don’t feel winded or like this needs to slow down because we’re moving too fast. Oddly enough, I feel like we have returned to old times. When we would eat lunch together at a separate table, when we would have an acoustic jam session together, when we would take naps on one another, when we would talk and laugh and genuinely have a good time hanging out with one another. It’s back to…normal, I guess. This has always been our normal. The only difference now is that we’re not necessarily denying feelings anymore.            

Which is weird to say. I’ve spent the past six years since I’ve met him avoiding my feelings and denying it to oblivion.            

I guess we’ve both gotten tired of doing that.

~~~

Tags (Or should I start calling you guys my Rob peeps? I have other Rob stories drafted...): @itsfunnierin-enochian @sirraxa @sherlockedtash88 @shanghai88 @natasha-cole @rblstrash  

[winchestergirl-13]

We Are Strong

prompt: “we're much stronger than we pretend to be” (A Lot To Learn - Louden Swain)

pairing: cast x reader

Warning: fluff, angst (sort of), stress, understanding cast

Word count: 1,866

A/N: this is for @natasha-cole‘s 400 Followers challenge. This may seem upsetting for some, or maybe some would relate to it. Either way, I hope it’s not triggering in any way as that was not my intention. But just know that there is someone out there that you can talk to. You Are Not Alone, fam. Always Keep Fighting.

Being one of the younger cast members had its perks. There was always someone looking out for you, making sure you were okay. It was like having a lot of older siblings and parents; it was great. But there were times where ones mind got away from them and sometimes there wasn't anything someone else could do. That's what happened to (Y/N) one day.

Between taking online classes for school, being an actor on Supernatural, and just over-all life, things can get stressful. There's no classes at school that prepare one for this sort of life. There's no handbook on how to juggle being apart of a famous show and maintain a normal school life; it's just all trial and error and learning as you go. It just gets to be too much sometimes. (Y/N) found herself holed up in her trailer, waiting to be called to set, trying to keep her mind focused on her lines and not the stresses of school. A knock on her door broke her out of her musings.

“Hey (Y/N), you're needed on set now,” Clif called out through the door.

“On my way,” she replied, grabbing her script and her characters jacket on the way out the door. Clif waited for her and walked to set with her. They made small talk, about school, the episode, something to pass the time as they made it to where the others were. Richard was directing this episode, should be easy right?

It wasn't easy. They had to redo takes a lot, there was a lot of goofing around, pointers, and just an overwhelming amount of exhaustion by the time they broke for lunch. (Y/N) heaved a sigh, bracing her hands on her knees. They weren't even half way done for the day.

“Hey (Y/N). You doing okay?” Richard wondered as he made his way over to where she stood.

“Yeah, I'm good, Rich. Just want to get this scene done with,” her smile seemed forced, eyes a little duller than usual.

“I know what you mean. Come on, lets get some food before those two giants eat it all,” he joked, getting a chuckle in return as they made their way to the food tent. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

The day continued with a lot more filming. In the end, they had to redo two more takes and it was just getting to be too much. (Y/N) was stumbling over her lines, the words getting jumbled in her head as she tried to stay in character.

“Sam, we need to find...find...Damn it!”

“Cut!”

This was the fifth time she couldn't get her line right. Normally it was due to Jensen, Misha, or Jared goofing off out of frame, trying to get her to laugh and mess up on purpose. But tonight it was all her. There was just too much floating around her mind that schoolwork and lines for the show were getting mixed up.

“(Y/N)? Do you need to take a break? We can take a few minutes and come back to it,” Richard offered for the second time. He could see this was getting to the younger actress.

“No. I'm-I'm okay, I just need to look at my script for a sec. I'm okay,” she waved off his concern, skimming the script in her hand for a few seconds before getting back on her mark. She knew he'd force her to take a break if he though she really needed it, but he didn't want to. If she said she was alright, he wasn't going to argue. Even though everything was telling him to call it for ten, fifteen minutes.

“If you sure. Alright places, reset. And action!”

“Sam, we need to find the object tying Sarah to the home. Dean's waiting for us to find it and torch it,” Delilah stated, rummaging through a chest of drawers.

“I know. The problem is is that we don't know what it could be. It could be anything in this house!” he replied, flashing his light over to where Delilah stood.

“There's got to be something here,” she mused, looking around.

They managed to get through this scene without any problems, but (Y/N) knew it wasn't going to last. Trying to be strong in front of her cast mates, her friends, was harder than it seemed. She knew she was close to breaking. Everything that was weighing on her shoulders was about to come crashing down.

* * *

They were almost down for the day. Misha had come on set to film a few of his scenes with Mark Sheppard. So far it was going well. Until the final shots for the day. (Y/N) couldn't believe what was happening with her today. She had missed a few cues and messed up another handful of lines again. It was pissing her off and she feared she was making everyone else upset at her forgetfulness. In the middle of a scene, her resolve cracked. Pressure built up behind her eyes, tears threatened to fall as she felt a tension headache forming. Another missed line. She just broke.

Richard called the scene, got up from behind the camera and made his way over to where Jensen and Jared were trying to comfort (Y/N). She shrugged them all off, pushing past them on her way out of the set. She needed to breathe. She needed to get away for just a minute. She felt like she was suffocating.

“What's wrong with (Y/N)?” Mark questioned as he and Misha entered set just in time to see her rush off.

“We don't know. She wouldn't say anything. She just broke down in the middle of shooting. Do you think it might have something to do with school?” Jensen wondered, looking out towards where she left.

“It's possible. It seemed like something was off about her all day, but she wouldn't tell us anything. She knows she can talk to us. Come on, lets go find her,” Jared commented, leading the group out on a little search party for the girl they consider family.

(Y/N) curled up against the wall of one of the other sets they had, away from everyone else. Knees drawn up to her chest, her head buried in her crossed arms. Silent tears were still trickling down her face. She messed everything up. She just wasn't as strong as her fellow actors.

“Guys, I found her!” Misha called out to the group, slowly making his way over to curled up figure of (Y/N).

“Please leave me alone,” her voice cracked, head never leaving her arms. Multiple footsteps made their way over to her, ignoring her demand to leave her alone.Someone sat on either side of her, not too close to crowd her. Three people sat around in front of her, no one made any move to get her to look at them. They were just a silent comfort at this moment.

“Hey kiddo. You doing okay?” Jensen asked from her left, gently tucking some loose hair behind her ear. She gave no verbal response, just a small shrug. Jared placed a comforting hand on her back, gently rubbing up and down, trying to get her to relax if only a little.

“We're here for you, (Y/N). Take your time; it's okay,” he whispered, massaging her shoulder a little. The five of them softly conversed with one another while they waited for (Y/N) to gather her thoughts. They didn't have to wait long.

Slowly sitting up, she wiped at her eyes, tears having stopped for now. Her (h/c) hair still in her face, hiding her flushed face.

“Hey (Y/N). Feeling better?” Misha asked. He stood up to take off his trench coat before laying it over her shoulders.

“Not really. My head hurts,” came her soft reply as she pulled the coat closer to her. Someone had leaned forward and gently pushed her hair away from her face and back behind her ears. Mark.

“There, now we can see your beautiful face,” he smiled, handing her the handkerchief from his coat pocket. They were all still in character.

“Thanks,” her voice rough from tears. Richard was scrolling through his phone for a few minutes, trying to find something to cheer her up.

“Aha! Here (Y/N), take a look at this,” he handed her his phone. It was a meme about Supernatural. A moment later, her laugh broke out as she doubled over, trying to hand the phone back to Richard. It did make her feel better. They all relaxed after the chuckles faded, leaning into one another.

“(Y/N), you know you can talk to any of us. Do you think you can tell us what happened? We want to help you,” Jared pushed, twisting slightly to look of her.

“It's just...it just got to be too much today. School, work, school, work, back and forth and everything just got so jumbled that I...I just broke,” she replied, wiping at her eyes as a few new tears fell.

“Why didn't you say anything? You know we'd be able to help you with anything. Why didn't you come to us?” Jensen pondered, squeezing her shoulder comfortingly.

“Because I thought I was strong enough to deal with this myself. But I'm not strong enough. I'll never be strong like you guys,” she admitted, not looking her friends in the eyes.

“Oh sweetheart, you don't have to be strong for us. We're not that strong either. Do you remember the song “A Lot To Learn” from Louden Swain?” Jared inquired, slinging his arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah. What about it?”

“Well, there's a line in that song. It goes “we're much stronger than we pretend to be”. We all try to be strong for others, to not let them see what's wrong. We pretend to be braver, stronger than we really are. When in all honesty, we don't have to pretend. Just admitting that something is wrong or that you're hurting is enough proof of how strong you really are. It takes guts to say to someone that something is wrong. So you don't have to hide behind a mask, (Y/N). We don't, you shouldn't have to either. We are all here for you. You just got to let us in to be your shoulder to lean on every now and then. Do you think you can do that?”

(Y/N) looked around at her friends, they all had looks of encouragement, love, and support. She realized then just how lucky she was to have these guys as her friends, as her family. For the first time that day, she gave a smile that reaches her eyes. “Yeah. Yeah I think I can do that.”

And she did. She told them everything. Through it all they were there for her, helping her when she got scared to go on, when she needed a hand to hold. In the end, they all stood up, bringing (Y/N) with them, and brought her into a group hug. Laughter flowing from their lips, she felt a sense of ease wash over her. She had her second family behind her. She wasn't alone. She was never alone.

[assbuttyourlife]

When We Were Young - Chapter Fourteen

Pairing : Misha/OFC

Warnings : Language, Fire, trauma, PTSD, family members’ death (including child), therapy, flashbacks (not in every chapter), injuries, cheating. Long fic. Angst, fluff, Smut. Mention of suicide.

Words : 5502

Summary : After her grandmother’s funeral, Lily must return to the place she lived in when she was young and has to confront the ghosts of her past. She will run into an old friend that she thought was lost forever.

WWWY Masterlist

AO3 link

CHAPTER 14 - PTSD

The sun had just risen when Lily started to drift from a deep sleep to the half comatose state she was when she usually woke up. That state where she always wondered which day it was.

Her eyes still closed, she squeezed her pillow and twitched a little.

Mmh that's warm and firm and it smells good...

She tried to stretch her legs a little, and winced when she found one of them intertwined with... another leg that didn't belong to her!... And didn't belong to Peter either!

And suddenly she remembered she was in a hotel in Northfield with Misha and fell asleep next to him yesterday. Her eyes popped open, she let go of him and jumped to get out of his arms, feeling guilty, but she was too close to the edge of the bed so she fell on the floor, back first, bumping her head on the nightstand in the process.

"Ouch! Fuck!"

Naturally, the movement followed by the loud thud woke Misha up.

"Damn! Lily are you okay?"

He laid on his stomach to look down the bed and stifled a laugh when he saw her laying on her back, wearing only the large T-shirt and shorts that she slept in, her legs spread, rubbing on the back of her head.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

Misha's face fell when she pulled her hand away from her head and he saw blood on it. He immediately jumped down the bed next to her and supported her head.

"You're bleeding!" He helped her getting up slowly and sat her on the bed, examining her hair, and spotted the wound where it was sticky.

"I don't think you need stitches, but let me clean it."

She was awfully quiet the whole time. Misha went to the bathroom and could only find alcohol to disinfect the wound.

He sat behind her and applied the gauze on it. She jumped once again.

"Fuck! It hurts! What did you put on it?"

"Oh she speaks! It's alcohol, don't be a baby. It won't be long."

She hissed when he cleaned the wound but didn't say anything.

"Why did you jump out of bed like that?"

"I don't know, I... I woke up and I saw you... I felt guilty and in the half-asleep state I was in I jumped like an idiot."

He was amused.

"That's a first! You feeling guilty because you slept with me."

"That was totally inappropriate. I'm sorry."

"We watched TV and fell asleep. Big deal! We're not teens anymore, Lily. And it's not like I have a jealous wife in the first place. Just relax, would you?"

"I know! I just need to get used to it, I guess."

"Okay, you're fine."

He stood up and disappeared in the bathroom. When he reappeared a few minutes later, he was fully dressed and ready to go.

"I'm gonna get breakfast. Get ready. We've stalled long enough."

She sighed and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower and get dressed. Misha was here with breakfast when she went back in the room to get her stuff.

"Your morning dose of caffeine, ma'am."

She took the cup from his hand with a smile. That was just what she needed.

They left the hotel and jumped into the rental car to finally drive to the farm.

The short trip was quiet, they were both sipping on their coffees when they soon arrived in front the property where Misha parked the car.

"I'm kinda nervous..." He admitted.

"I know... I was too. But you'll feel better when we're done."

"Where do we start?"

"Let's go directly to the house and we'll walked back to the car stopping by the other places."

"Okay..."

He got out of the car and started walking on the large main path, Lily by his side.

"Why do you always say Vicki's not the jealous type?"

She didn't even know why she asked that question at that moment, but the silence was making her nervous and it was the first thing she could think about.

"Because it's true. I'm not either, and I guess we've been together for so long because we found a certain... balance."

"You??? Not jealous??? Are you kidding me? Do I have to remind you what you did because of Ty in Italy?”

"That was different." He said, his voice becoming lower.

"How?"

"Well... It was you. I don't... you I can't share."

"Share? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you saying you're sharing Vicki?"

They were now walking between the cottage and the pond.

"Yeah. She's probably banging her girlfriend as we speak and I don't mind."

"Wha-"

She stopped walking, and when Misha realized she wasn't next to her anymore he turned around.

"What? Don't tell me you're tired already!"

She walked next to him so she didn't have to scream.

"Do you realize what you just said to me?"

He kept walking and she followed, they were now on their way to the orchard.

"Of course I do. I wasn't lying went I told you we're not enough for each other. She loves me, but she's in love with her friend too and I'm okay with it. They have sex, they're happy, and if I need to, I just... join them."

Lily's mouth dropped.

"Excuse me???"

Alright... he was definitely messing with her now. It couldn't be real.

He didn't add anything, so she scoffed.

"You're not serious. you can't be."

"I assure you I am, Lily."

"But... But... But.... The kids! And... and... How could you change that much?"

"The kids are out of this. They're too young to understand anyway. And I didn't change, I just met a woman with other... convictions. I don't think it would've happened with you."

"Of course not! I mean no offense but... I would be full of rage if I knew my husband was screwing another woman, friend or not!"

At that moment, she pictured Peter and Katie having sex and felt nauseous.

Misha laughed.

"You mean like the time I left with my family and you were sick the whole time thinking I was banging every girl on my path?"

Damn he had a good memory. She felt so stupid...

"Ah... You remember that." She looked down at her feet, walking pass the barns.

"I was too disappointed to forget. I told you I would be back and I would be faithful and you didn't believe me. That hurt."

She let out an annoyed and embarrassed moan. He knew exactly how to make her feel guilty.

"I knooow... We've been over this a long time ago already! Don't remind me."

"I wouldn't be able to share you. Not even now... not even with Vicki."

"Okay... end of the conversation! This is making me super uncomfortable. We're here anyway."

The half burnt house was indeed right in front of them.

"So what now?" She asked a little confused.

"Well... Now we get inside."

She ran after him as he started his way to the house.

"What?? Have you lost your mind? It's too dangerous! It will collapse the second we step inside!!! Get your ass back here, Krushnic!"

"Woose!" He screamed.

Oh my god she couldn't believe it... Now she was just terrified that something bad could happen to him. It was so damaged and nobody took care of the house in more than twenty years, the wood was probably rotten and too weak, and it was definitely dangerous.

He tried to open the large front door and turned around.

"Can you believe it? It's locked!" He laughed. “Who locks the door on a destroyed house? Do you have the key or should I go through the broken window?"

She walked next to him.

"How about you do nothing? We can just go chill to the orchard, it's late August there must be plenty of fruits and-"

He started to walk towards the patio, ignoring her comments.

"Okay, broken window it is, then."

" No, no, wait! You're gonna cut your leg, you moron! Of course I have the damn key! What a stubborn ass!"

She handed it to him reluctantly and he opened the front door.

“Yeah, that hasn't changed.” He chuckled.

They stepped inside the hall, revealing an almost intact ground floor, and when Lily saw her old house dirty and messy, but still looking the same as it was in her memory, her heart skipped a few beats, she couldn't breath anymore, and she collapsed on the ground.

Misha didn't have the time to react fast enough to avoid the impact on the ground, but he came quickly to her side and shook her gently.

"Lily!" His voice was full of panic, but he saw her eyes twitch.

"Lily, please wake up!"

She opened her eyes and saw his worried face.

“Are you okay?”

"Yes... What happened?" She asked weakly while he helped her standing up.

"I'm not a doctor, but if I had to guess I think you just had some sort of a flashback. You really have to stop knocking your head!"

She slowly walked a few steps further inside the hallway, observing everything around her.

"I... I thought it would be all black and smelly and empty... Look at that! Everything's here!"

"Well, except a few curious people and the police, nobody came here since the night of the fire. I came back but I never dared enter."

"Look!"

She stepped inside the great room where the grand piano was still waiting. She pushed a couple of dusty keys to play a chord but winced when she heard the raspy sound of the instrument.

"Ouch... out of tune."

Everything was here... it was so strange! It was like opening a door to the past. The huge boat model was still behind the sofa, the stuffed animal heads were proudly hanging on the walls... the books... the logs next to the fireplace...

Misha stepped near that same fireplace to admire the huge wooden bear that Lily's grandfather carved.

"I need that thing in my house."

"Sure. Take what you want. It's heavy though... and we can't bring that in the plane!"

"Yeah... We'll have to come back with Sasha and Darius...and a truck."

"That should be fun."

He took something that looked like a tiny guitar case.

"I think I found your first violin!"

"Oh god... Open it!"

He did so and her face lightened with a huge happy smile that reached her eyes. It still smelled as good as she remembered.

"So many memories... It's so small!"

Misha left the room to explore further in the house while she placed the violin back in its case.

"And I think I know why nobody could come up to get us out by the stairs..."

She heard Misha and ran to see what he was talking about. The first half of the wooden staircase was intact, but the top of it burnt, and the ceiling of the second floor collapsed on the lower floor, blocking the path.

"I'm gonna climb."

"Uh no. You won't."

"Watch me. I need to see your room."

"Misha no! It's destroyed! You're gonna hurt yourself! The floor won't hold!"

He ignored her, placed a table near the stairs, jumped on it and clambered to reach the next level.

"Misha! Please!"

He heard the fear in her voice so he looked down at her through the hole in the broken ceiling.

"I'll be fine. Stay here. If I see it's too dangerous I won't go."

He disappeared into the next floor's mess, and when she couldn't hear his footsteps anymore, she understood he was near the tower entrance, so she ran outside through the back patio and looked if she could see him from here.

"Misha?" She called worried.

He didn't answer, and she hated the sensation of helplessness she felt. The same feeling she had when he was half dead in her arms.

Misha knew she was worried so he should say something, but he just couldn't talk.

He made it to what was left of her old room and was so shocked that he just stood here speechless.

The ceiling and the roof were gone, half of it crashed on the floor, and half of the floor crashed down on the lower level, blocking the stairs.

Everything burnt... The walls were black, all the furniture were ashes except the metal frame of Lily's bed.

That same bed they used to share in secret... They were right on that bed's foot the night of the fire. Nothing was left... nothing... but they made it. He made it without a damn scratch thanks to her.

He stared at the spot they were when they lost consciousness, and saw a huge pile of wreckage that probably fell from the ceiling too... burning her back.

"MISHA!!!"

Still no answer... Was she supposed to go in there? She didn't hear any crash sound but she was now biting her nails. Should she call someone for help?

Misha broke down crying on the floor, realizing how close to death they stepped. When he calmed down a little, he took his phone out of his pocket and took some pictures of the room.

"MISHA IF YOU DON'T ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW I'M COMING TO GET YOU! DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT TO ME AGAIN!"

"I'm going down! I'm fine!" He finally managed to reply after he cleared his throat.

Thank god!

She waited in the backyard near the fountain and the well, and ran towards him when she saw him getting out of the house.

She didn't care how dirty, dusty and smelly he was, she ran into him and slammed her arms around his neck, holding him tight.

He did the same, circling her waist with his arms.

"Why didn't you answer right away? You scared the shit out of me!"

She wasn't lying, he could feel her body shaking. He lifted her and sat her on the edge of the condemned well, took his phone out of his pocket to show her the pictures of her old bedroom.

She took the phone from his hands and observed.

“Oh my god...” She whispered.

“Where would I be today if you hadn't saved me that night? How would I look now if you hadn't laid on top of me with your blanket?”

A silent tear fell down her face and Misha brushed it with his thumb.

“Thank you, Lily. I really wish I was the one with the scar today, I really wish I could've protected you from this... but thank you.”

She didn't say anything, she just leaned her head into the hand he still had on her cheek and closed her eyes, and another tear fell.

Misha kissed her forehead. When he pulled back, her eyes were still closed, so he kissed her left cheek. She still didn't move, so he gently brushed his lips against hers. He looked at her to see any reaction, and he saw that her eyes was shut tighter, a pained expression on her face.

He leaned forward and crashed his lips on hers one more time, insisting because he just needed her to kiss him back. He opened his mouth a little, and she finally did the same, kissing him slowly and desperately. Her hands raised to his hair, just as she liked to do when they were young, and Misha put his hands on her hips, squeezing gently.

He pushed his tongue inside of her mouth and he heard a soft moan coming from her. That was delightful. He had forgotten how she tasted like, and now that he had tasted it back, he didn't think he could get enough of it, he didn't think he could stop.

So she was the one who broke the kiss.

“We can't do that.” she whispered, resting her forehead against his.

“Why? It feels right to me.”

“Because you're m-”

“I know! It doesn't matter!” It sounded harsher than he'd wanted to. She just didn't understand...

She jumped down the well and walked back toward the house.

“It does.”

He sighed and rubbed his face in his hands in frustration.

“You coming? I think we should go see our tree.”

They didn't stop by the barns or the orchard. They were too eager to go back to their favorite spot at the pond. When they arrived near the willow tree, the sky began to be menacing, it would rain soon so they had to hurry.

“So... are you still flexible, Mr Collins? Can you still climb on it? I sure can!”

She didn't wait for him and jumped to climb on the first branch, the same one they always shared since they were kids when they wanted to talk and share secrets, away from their families.

“I'm impressed!”

He did the same and joined her, sitting on the huge branch next to her. She was sitting too, her back leaning against the trunk.

“See? Who says we're old?”

“My son does.”

She giggled and looked at the water behind them.

“Remember when we used to jump from here?”

“Of course.”

“Ew, the water is so gross now! Katie was right I wouldn't swim in it for a m-”

“I love you.”

She froze and stared at him.

Okay... no panic, this is normal, they were in the place they shared for many years, surrounded by memories, good and bad, they were here to move on, so his reaction was normal. No big deal. They were friends after all, so yeah... of course they loved each other.

“I... I do too, Misha. You know that.”

He scoffed and shook his head.

“Nice try, Lily. You know perfectly what I mean.”

She sighed deeply, swallowing the heavy lump in her throat. She wouldn't even look at him.

“We're here because we wanted to turn that page... and you just say that to me like it's no big deal...”

He took her hand.

“I really came here in order to move on... But I realize now that it's not possible for me. I don't want to move on anymore. I want you back.”

Her jaw twitched.

“This is PTSD... You saw the house and the burnt room and it brought memories back, so now you think you have these feelings back too, but you don't.”

“Okay, Doctor Freud... just look at me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel the same and I'll move on. Tell me you don't love me.”

She frowned and made eye contact. It was painfully similar to what happened in Rome and she personally hated it. She already broke up with him, it was enough.

“You're being ridiculous! Come on, Misha!”

“I'm waiting...”

“Fine! Just keep in mind you asked for it!” She cleared her throat and looked directly into his blue eyes, her hand still in his.

“I don't love you anymore. Not like that.”

He expected everything but this...

“You're lying.”

“I'm really not.”

“Why are you crying then?”

Oh damn, she didn't even notice her tears!

“Because... I never thought I would say that one day, and I hate to hurt you. I love you as my friend... but I'm not in love with you anymore. I moved on, and it's your turn now. You owe it to your family. I won't be the one destroying what you've built. I just can't... I'm sorry.”

Misha looked down at the water. Sadness was written all over his face, and she hated herself at this moment. He jumped down the tree, took her bag and walked toward the cottage at the other side of the path, where he used to live.

“Alright, one more stop and we can leave this place.”

She didn't move from the branch... she just stayed up here like an idiot and silently sobbed in her hands. When she looked up, he was far already, he almost made it to the small house. He probably needed to be alone.

She waited a few more minutes, trying to compose herself, and she finally jumped down the tree to head toward the cottage. She didn't even have the time to reach it when she saw Misha coming back already. She tried to read his expression but she couldn't.

“Misha... are you okay?”

“No... But it's only PTSD, right? I saw what I needed to. Let's go back to the hotel, I'm hungry.”

Fuck!

She thought she couldn't hate herself more but she was wrong!

They reached the car and drove back to the hotel in total silence. They didn't even share a single word. She wanted to say something, but what could she really say to him after what she just did?

[showmethedestiel]

Like I said; I don’t like Hospitals

Chapter Twelve

[Masterlist]

Summary:  You help Misha while he’s going through a hard time. The two of you quickly become friends, but will it lead to something more in such trying circumstances?

Words: 2,714

Pairing: Misha/Reader

“Y/N, can you come here for a sec?” Misha calls through from the kitchen.

You wander through to see him on his phone, leaning against the countertop. “What’s up?” You ask, taking an apple from the fruit bowl.

“I kinda need to talk to you about something.” He sighs.

“Uh-oh.”

“It’s nothing bad.” Misha chuckles, “It’s just that Darius finished editing the episode of Cooking Fast and Fresh with West, and all the good bits have you in them.”

You nod slowly. “So, you want my permission to post it?”

“Well, yes. But it’s more than that. I’m a public figure whose wife died recently and now I’m living with this beautiful girl who clearly loves my kids, who I film retching into my toilet.” Misha chuckles. “People are gonna assume stuff.” He hesitates, “And unfortunately you might get shit for it.”

“Do you mind?” You ask, taking a bite of the apple.

Misha shakes his head, “Not if you don’t.” He pauses as if he’s thinking, “Darius suggested it might be easier to go public at this point.”

You consider this for a few moments before nodding. “Okay. If that’s best, I’m cool with it.”

Misha raises an eyebrow, “You sure? You don’t have to.”

“I’m sure.” You smile, walking over to wrap your arms around his neck. “I love you, after all.”

Misha smirks and leans down to kiss you, before taking your arms and moving them from behind his neck.

You give him a confused look, before he takes a bite of your apple, smirking.

“So,” He says, “You wanna see the tweet?” He walks over to his laptop on the table.

“You’re doing it over Twitter?” You laugh, following him.

Misha shrugs, “It’s my preferred method of communication.” He turns the laptop to face you, “Here.” He says.

On the screen there’s a picture you’ve never seen before, and didn’t see anyone take at the time. It’s of you and Misha two nights ago among the trees. You’re looking around in awe, and he’s looking at you with pure adoration.

“Jensen took it when we first got there.” Misha explains, watching you to gauge your reaction.

“Well damn,” You say, nodding in approval. “We look good.” You grin and Misha smiles widely.

You look at the screen again and read the caption:

Found: one girlfriend; short, adorable. Please claim if yours (although if you do – I know you’re lying because she’s mine.)

“Nice.” You laugh.

A few hours later Misha posts both the announcement and the episode of Cooking Fast and Fresh with West. For the rest of the day you very carefully avoid going on any social media, but once you’re lying in bed next to Misha curiosity gets the better of you.

You pick up your phone and sign into your personal Twitter – where, of course, people have found you already. You have a couple dozen Misha fan accounts following you, but that’s manageable so far.  

You go to Misha’s Twitter, mentally bracing yourself to go through the replies on his post.

There’s the typical “dad” and “marry me”, but once you get past those, you see

You look so happy!

Aww, y’all are so cute together

She is so pretty!!!

Slayy Misha

You cover your grin with your hand, the positivity overwhelming you.

“Babe, you okay?” Misha asks, noticing you.

You nod slowly, “Have you seen the comments on your post?” You ask, smiling.

Misha grins in relief, “Yeah – they love you.” He laughs.

You go back to scrolling through Twitter – there are a few tabloids calling you Misha’s Rebound but they don’t ruin the fan’s reaction.

After a few minutes you ask, “Hey, do you mind if I tweet a photo of us?”

“Sure – just no nudes.” Misha teases. “Although your social media will get mobbed.”

“Yeah, I know.” You say, looking through your pictures. “I’m prepared.”

Eventually you settle on a picture you took a few days ago, of you and Misha making faces at the camera. You caption it –

Hello world. You might have heard of my adorkable bf Dmitri.

You put your phone down and wait for Misha to check his Twitter. You watch him as his phone buzzes, he smiles – then he glares at you.

“Come on,” He laughs, “Dmitri? Really?”

You grin and shrug. “You have my Twitter notifications on?”

Misha shrugs and murmurs. “Not anymore.”

Later you notice he retweeted your photo anyway. You scroll through some of the comments and laugh when you see:

Yes! A new source of adorable Misha photos – score.

You decide to reply with:

True. There will be a lot of Misha pics from me; it is my true purpose in life.

You toss your phone away and look over to see Misha asleep, you frown – it’s late but you’re not tired in the slightest.

You carefully slip out of bed after turning the lights off, and wander down the hall, wondering what to do at midnight on a Tuesday.

You make your way into the living room, where there’s still a small pile of your things that no one put away, kneeling down you notice your sketchbook, a few canvases and paints.

Hmm.

You fill a jar with water and take everything upstairs, turning on the dimmest light in the bedroom. There’s nowhere to sit with a good view of Misha, so you move a few of your things off the dresser in the corner of the room and clamber on top.

Here you have a good angle of Misha’s sprawled out form, half under - half on top of the covers – his bedhead hair sticking up at angles on the pillow, and the sinews of his toned back emphasised by the warm, low light.

You sketch out his form, and then begin to paint. Art runs in your family – but you had never considered it more than a casual hobby; something you’d do at weekends, or if a friend asked. That wasn’t to say you weren’t good – you were very good, but art had never seemed like a real future for you.

You end up painting for hours - into the early morning, until pale morning sun begins flowing through the curtains; ruining your lighting.

You squint through your tired eyes, inspecting your work. You’ve always been a perfectionist when it came to your work – but it is perfect.

Exhausted, you place the painting haphazardly onto the dresser and slide off the hard wood surface, collapsing into bed next to Misha.

Misha doesn’t wake you when he gets up to drive the kids to school, instead letting you sleep until midday.

When you finally wander into the kitchen, yawning, Misha’s at the table – on his laptop. In front of him is your painting from last night. You’re sincerely taken aback – seeing as you genuinely forgot you’d made it in your weird, sleep-deprived state. “Morning.” You say, coming over.

Misha looks up, startled. “Morning Y/N, did you paint this?” He asks, gesturing at the painting.

You nod casually, getting a bowl from the cupboard and turning back to face him.

Misha’s staring at you incredulously, “Y/N this is incredible – I didn’t know you could paint!” He exclaims.

You shrug, “It’s just a hobby.” You bring your newly made cereal back to the table and sit across from Misha, taking another look at your painting.

It’s good – better than you remembered.

“You should paint more – this is fucking amazing.” He says sincerely.

“Hm.” You say, taking a spoonful of cornflakes. “Maybe I will.”

The next morning Misha comes back into the kitchen after dropping the kids off at school and sighs dramatically.

“What’s up?” You ask, putting the kettle on to make tea.

“Work wants me to come back soon; which I don’t mind – I’m kinda looking forward to going back - but it means moving back up to Washington – Jared and Jensen left yesterday, and…” He trails off, frowning.

“What?”

“Well it’s just… Vicki always used to look after the kids when I was gone, but now… I’m gonna have to get a nanny or something.” He flops down onto a chair.

“Well…” You start hesitantly, before sighing. “I think we should have a conversation.” You say reluctantly before adding, “Like a real, adult conversation.” You take a seat next to Misha.

“Okay…”

“So, you’re gonna be gone sometimes – the kids need looked after. Right now I’m taking time off work with a personal emergency, but I’m meant to be back next week.” You state, absent-mindedly playing with the sleeve of your shirt.

“Y/N, do you like your job?” Misha asks abruptly.

You shrug, “It’s just a job.”

“Do you like painting?” He continues,

“Well, yeah.” You say, starting to regret starting this conversation. “But it isn’t sustainable – I wouldn’t make enough to live off my art…”

“Which is where I come in.” Misha interrupts. “I think you would make more than enough to live off, because your stuff is fucking amazing, but even if you don’t…” He trails off.

“Misha no.” You say firmly.

He raises his hands in defence, “It’s just accommodation.” He says, “And food. And it would give you time to look after the kids… It’s just a suggestion. Think about it. Okay?”

You sigh, “Okay, I’ll think about it.” You roll your eyes. “I guess it would mean West and Maison wouldn’t need a nanny…”

“Exactly! That’s the attitude.” Misha chuckles, standing. “Plus…” He adds, “We have a spare room up North that would look incredible as a studio.”

“Stop.” You laugh, standing to cover Misha’s mouth with your hand.

He just grins, “I’ve been wanting to do some renovating – it’s a perfect excuse.”

“Are you serious about all this?” You ask.

“Yes.” Misha says simply, moving your hand to lean down and kiss you softly.

Misha has to go back to the set of Supernatural a short three days later. In those three days, you quit your job and Misha packs the both his car and your mini with things for the move.

You sigh, taking a step back to admire your work. Your car is filled to the brim with clothes, bags, food and your belongings.

Misha’s driving the kids because he “didn’t want to subject you to that hell”, and you’re following him up to Bellingham – stopping overnight in Medford, Oregon. You’re setting off early tomorrow.

“You ready for tomorrow?” Misha asks, coming to stand beside you.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” You chuckle, slightly nervously. “I’ve never driven this far before.”

“It’ll be fine, as long as you’re stocked up on coffee, snacks and good music – you’re good. Just be glad you don’t have to deal with those monsters.” He gestures at West; currently chasing Maison along the sidewalk.

“That I am glad of.” You say, genuinely relieved.

The four of you stop at a hotel overnight, which is stressful because the kids have so much pent up energy. Luckily, you and Misha do not have any energy – so you basically pass out as soon as you see the bed.

As the sun’s setting on the second day, you see that heaven-sent road sign – “Welcome to Bellingham”. You breathe a sigh of relief and follow Misha’s car to a navy house, looking out onto the marina.

You park and get out of the car, stretching as you walk over to Misha – who’s doing much the same.

“How was that?” He asks.

“I’m sore, sweaty and exhausted. So I’d say it went better than expected.” You say, opening the back door to retrieve a sleeping Maison.

Misha takes West and leads you in through the front door and up the stairs to the kids room. You tuck Maison in and follow Misha to the master bedroom, not even bothering to undress before collapsing onto the soft, white blankets.

“We’ll unpack the cars tomorrow.” Misha mumbles, crawling under the covers beside you.

You wake up early – before anyone else, so decide to look around a bit. The view out of the bedroom window is a stunning picture of water glistening in the morning light.

After taking a shower, you change into a robe and wander downstairs to find the kitchen – deciding to make pancakes, you get out some plates and a pan, but realise all the food is in cool-bags in the car.

You sigh and wander outside, grabbing a few bags of food and some clothes for everyone.

“Do I smell pancakes?” Misha says, appearing at the kitchen door.

“That’s why I admire you darling – your good nose.” You tease, leaving the pancakes to wander over and kiss the tip of Misha’s nose.

Misha scrunches up his face before pulling you in by your hips and kissing your lips.

“Mm,” You hum, breaking away. “Pancakes!” You say, skipping back to the stove.

Misha chuckles, following you. “Are the kids not up yet? That’s weird.”

You shrug, “Peaceful though.”

“True.” He laughs, “They might lynch us if they miss pancakes though.”

“Good point – our lives are in serious danger, you should wake them.

Misha has to go to work that afternoon, which means – after unpacking the cars – the rest of the morning is spent showing you where everything is, how everything works and what to do if something goes wrong.

“I’ve got it Mish.” You laugh, batting his hand away from one of the many dials on the electrical box. “I’m not gonna need to use any of this stuff.”

Misha sighs, “Fine. I’ll be back late tonight though – and if anything happens-“

“Mish.” You cut him off. “I know, you said. I’ll call. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

“Remember to feed the chickens.” He adds, kissing you cheek. “I’d better get going, have you got this?”

“Have fun at work babe.” You say, following him to the front door. “Say hi to Jared and Jensen for me. Go knock everyone’s socks off.” You smirk, kissing him before he goes out to his car.

You’re checking your phone on the couch once you’ve fed, read to, and put to bed the kids that evening.

You notice that basically the entire cast of Supernatural – who you may or may not have googled - have congratulated you and Misha on Twitter.

You smile and get to replying to everyone, as well as answering a few of the fans questions.

After that, you go to check out the room Misha said you could use for art – it’s spacious and lets in plenty of natural light. There’s very little furniture in it, aside from a wooden table and a few chairs. You bring all your art supplies in, dumping them on the table. Your sketchbook falls open on one of your best pieces – it’s of your sister, dancing with one of her ex-boyfriends. You smile, and briefly consider posting it online – to gauge the reaction – but decide to call your sister and make sure she’s cool with it first.

“Hey Y/N.” She answers.

“Hey.” You say, subconsciously doodling on the table. “Oh, first things first – I’m in Washington.”

“The state?” She asks, surprised.

“Yes. Misha had to go back to work, so I went with him.”

“Right. Of course.” She says, laughing. “I saw that you went public on Twitter – people even found me you know.”

“Ah. Sorry about that.” You say awkwardly. “But um, I was wondering if you’d mind if I published one of my drawings of you?”  

Beth sighs. “I guess not – the one of me dancing with Liam? Yeah, it’s good.”

“Yeah. Misha convinced me to start doing shit with my art.” You chuckle.

“Huh, give that man an award – I’ve been trying to do that for years. Anyway – I’d better go. Have fun in Washington.”

“Bye Beth.” You say, hanging up.

The drawing is just a taster, so you take a photo of it and post it to Twitter with the caption:

Does anyone know why this happened when I put a pencil to paper?? Is it cursed?

Immediately a hoard of your new followers comment on “this is amazing” and “she can draw too? Damn”. You smile to yourself and put your phone down, deciding to start another painting; this time of Misha and his kids. You pull up the reference image on your laptop, roll up your sleeves and get started on the large canvas.  

Chapter Thirteen

[jawritter]

Jokes On You...

Request: Can you write reader x J2 (platonic), like reader is teen actress, she is close with Jared but Jensen hates her coz she is very childish prob but reader loves him like a brother. One day some accident is about to happen and reader throws her before Jensen and saves him. She gets injured and then Jensen learns her mistake and they make up and go out for a movie and dinner and stuff? Like reader gets a little drunk at dinner and Jensen takes care of her the whole time even if Jared offered? TY!

A/N: Hope you enjoy this one! As always feedback is gold! Please don’t copy my stuff!! All mistakes are mine!! If you want to be added to my tag list let me know!!

Word Count: 2014

Pairing: Jensen x Reader, Jared x Reader

Warnings: Launguage, underage drinking, Jensen bing mean, that’s about it.

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

****MASTERLIST****

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Walking from the makeup trailer to the set was always interesting because you never knew what, or who, was going to jump out from behind something with a whipped cream pie, or something that they were going to throw at you. 

Today was no different. 

Jared had promised to pay you back for the one that you’d slapped in his face on the way to his car yesterday, and you knew your hay day was coming. 

You’d been working on the set of Supernatural as Sarah, Garth’s little sister that had taken up hunting with the Winchesters. It was your first acting gig, and you couldn’t have been more excited. It was hard to get started in the Hollywood period, and most people were successful started as children in some way, shape, or forum. You on the other hand, didn’t get started until you turned 18. Which made your break on Supernatural a blessing. Most people wouldn’t take a chance on an 18 year old with no experience, but they had, and you loved every minute of it. 

You had gotten really close to Jared very quickly because of your shared childish behavior when it comes to pulling a good prank on people, and you loved Jensen like a brother, even though he seemed annoyed with you most of the time. You learned quickly that he could be pretty grumpy and to not push his buttons. Jared had even warned you not to pull any pranks on him.

You took his word for it, and left Jensen alone most of the time. Though he still seemed to keep up his grumpy persona, no matter what you tried to do. 

Speaking of said grumpy pants, here he comes now. Walking toward you with a sour look on his face as usual. Why did he not like you? You loved him to death. He was like the big brother you never had, and you had more than a little crush on the older actor, though you’d never admit it.

“Hey, they’ve pushed filming this scene back about thirty minutes because they’re having trouble with the lighting on set, so we’ve got to wait to go in there.” Jensen said, looking more than a little annoyed that filming was going to be behind schedule again today. Yesterday they had problems on the same set, and here you go again; more problems. 

You were about to answer him when you heard Misha yell from somewhere behind you. 

“Y/N DUCK!!” 

That’s just what you did, you didn’t even hesitate, you just hit the ground like shots where being fired. About the time you hit the ground Jared threw a whipped cream pie at the back of your head, which was now all over Jensen. Because you had ducked, he caught it right in the face. 

You looked up at Jensen from the ground. His face was livid! 

Reaching up with one hand Jensen wiped most the cream off of his face, slinging it to the ground next to him.

“You know Y/N, I hope you grow up a hell of a lot before you try and actually get a professional role somewhere that’s not a sitcom.” 

With that he turned on his heels, and stalked off towards his trailer to try and clean off some of the damage. Jared and Misha were rolling, but you on the other hand, you didn’t think that one was so funny. 

That one stung. It stung a lot. You knew you could act a little childish maybe, but you were just having fun, and you didn’t like the fact that it made Jensen think so little of you that he would say something like that. 

You picked yourself up off the ground, and make your way over to the waiting area they had set up for the rest of your crew members, your eyes stinging as you tired to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

Thirty minutes later Jensen stood before you completely cleaned up, and in full “Dean mode.” 

They had “fixed” the lighting issue by basically tying up the lights on a big metal pool. It wasn’t really a fix, but it was hopeful that it would be enough to get this one shot done between Dean and Sarah. That’s what mattered today, so that was everyone’s main focus. 

You kept watching it though, because you couldn’t tell if it was your eyes playing tricks on you, or if it was really moving, but you could have sworn the damn thing kept swaying like it was about to fall, and the biggest problem with that was Jensen was standing right under it, and if it falls it would literally crush his skull.

“Sarah, you can’t keep being so reckless! You can’t keep throwing yourself under the line of fire to save me!” Dean yelled at Sarah. 

Before you could get your lines out it happened. The wires holding up the pool snapped, and you pushed Jensen out of the way as hard as you could shoving him back just before the pool and the lights came crashing down to the ground, throwing glass everywhere, and scratching your hand pretty badly. You didn’t care though, you got him out of the way, that’s all you cared about.

“Y/N! Oh my god are you okay?” Jared yelled from his seat next to the director.

Jared came running onto set, jumping over the mess on the ground with his overly long legs. Jensen stood there in momentary shock before his feet would move, his mouth hanging open as he stared at the pole that had almost crushed him. 

There were people everywhere it felt like all at once. People checking Jensen to make sure the lead actor was unharmed, trying to figure out how it all happened, people rushing to clean up the mess, and usher everyone away from it.

Jensen pushed them off of him, and grabbed your hand that was bleeding. 

“Fuck sweetheart, that could have killed both of us!” Jensen said, checking over the rest of you, he looked mildly panicked, which was odd compared to the annoyed look he usually gave you.

“Well I’m fine, It’s just as scratch. If that thing would have hit you though it would have killed you.” 

“Come on, let’s get you to the medical trailer and see about your hand.” Jensen said, shoving off your comment, more concerned with the fact that you were bleeding than the fact his head almost got knocked in the head by a big ass pole.

The crew decided that close call was enough for today, and after your hand was cleaned, stitched, and wrapped up you were ready to get the hell away from there just like everyone else. Jared had gone with you to the medical trailer, and Jensen refused to leave your side either, holding our hand the whole time they put in the three little stitches. 

He was now following you to your car, carrying your gym bag for you, refusing to let you walk alone, and trying to talk you into letting him drive you home.

“Come on Y/N, it’s gonna be hard to drive with your hand wrapped up like that. Let me drive you home, and Clif and Jared can follow me in Clif’s SUV to bring me home once I make sure you get there safely.”

“I’m fine Jensen, really I am, I only live five miles from here, I think I can manage. Go home, you’ve had a long day too. I accidently got you pied in the face, and you almost died a little bit ago.”

Ignoring his third try at getting you to ride home with him, you get into your car, atching him sit your bag into the back seat.

Jensen raised his hand stopping you from talking. 

“About that, Y/N, I’m sorry, but I’ve been a total and complete ass. You’re not childish, I’m just a grumpy old man who needs to learn how to take a damn joke. I’m sorry I’ve been so mean to you; you didn’t deserve it. Let me take you out to dinner and a movie to make it up to you. Just as friends, me and you. What do you say?”

You couldn’t deny your heart skipped a beat when he asked you out to dinner and a movie. You loved Jensen like a brother, but you weren’t blind either. The man was insanely attractive. 

“You don’t have to do that Jensen, really,” you say to him, not sure why you were trying to get out of a date with Jensen, even if it was just as friends. Were you stupid or something? Maybe you got hit in the head and didn’t know it?

“I want to, please,” he said, giving you puppy dog eyes that would have made Sam Winchester jealous and you just couldn’t say no.

“Fine, okay, I’ll go with you,” you tell him. 

“Good, It’s a date then, I’ll be around tomorrow night to pick you about 6,” he said before strutting off toward the Clif’s SUV, satisfied that he’d talked you into going out with him. 

You on the other hand couldn’t stop shaking your head and grinning like an idiot.

———————————————————————————————–

6 PM rolled around quicker than you expected and you found yourself pacing your apartment waiting on Jensen to show up and half expecting that he would just stand you up. You never were really his favorite person, and you were sure he had a lot better things to do than take you out for dinner and a movie, but here you were, waiting anyway. 

True to his word Jensen showed up at 6 pm exactly, and you were off to the movies. After watching Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey he took you to a little italian restaurant that wasn’t far from the cinema, ordering you both a glass of wine, even though really you were too young to drink.

His exact words were though, “I did a lot worse at 18 than have a few glasses of wine, and it’s not like you are driving yourself home anyways.”

The conversation flowed easier between you than you would have expected. 

You talked about everything and anything. Jensen growing up in Texas, family stuff, sibling issues, what movies and stuff you liked, what you wanted to do with your career. 

Before long you started to feel the effects of the wine. Not having remembered that you had taken something for the pain in your hand before leaving for your date, the wine was having a greater effect on you than it normally would have, and before long you were slurring your words and flirting with Jensen. 

“You know your pretty right? You have a pretty face,” you tell him with a giggle and he smiles at you.

“Sweetheart, you know I’m old enough to be your dad, and I think you’ve had enough to drink,” he said, taking your wine glass gently from your good hand.

You laugh at him, and the fact that he seemed more amused than he wanted to let on.

“Okay, maybe I’m a little drunk, because I forgot I had taken something for pain before you came and got me tonight, so yea... My bad... But you still have a pretty face, and I don’t care that your old enough to be my dad, I’ll just call you daddy then. I’m legal damn it!” 

Jensen laughed loudly at you, throwing his head back in one of those beautiful whole body laughs that you loved so much. 

“Come on, let’s get you home so you can sleep it off before you start throwing up or pass out on me.” 

With that Jensen loaded you up in his car, and you were out before you even made it back home. 

Jensen carried you into your apartment, and laid you down in your bed before getting a glass of water and putting it by your bed, along with a trash can and some tylenol for in the morning, because he knew from experience that wine hangovers came with pretty bad headaches. 

Just as he was making himself comfortable on the couch for the night his phone went off in his pocket. Pulling it out he saw it was Jared, checking on how the date was going. 

Jensen briefly gave him a summary of how your date went, and also your current state. 

Jared offered to come and help him with you, but he didn’t want help, he wanted to take care of you himself. 

Even though he didn’t want to admit it, he cared about you, deeper than he probably should have, and if he was lucky; this could be the start of something special, even if you didn’t know it yet..

Here he was thinking you were too childish... Looks like the joke was on him. He was the one being childish, running from his feelings….

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Tag List:

@deanwanddamons​​ @imabitch4jensen​​ @rvgrsbrns​​ @bi-danvers0​​ @onethirstyunicorn​​ @i-love-superhero​​ @akshi8278​

[ncdover1285]

Birthday Boy Blues

Jensen/Misha

If you like it check out my ao3 ncdover1285

Jensen was out on stage, he loved doing these conventions. The fans were always amazing and being around the guys was always something he loved. Yeah, Danneel was cool with the relationship between him and Misha, but he still enjoyed the alone time the conventions afforded them, with no kids around and the girls back home he could relax into Misha in a way he wouldn’t allow himself at home. She had been a little surprised when he brought it up to her, but she had been open minded to the idea and even embraced it once she saw how happy he had been after he became comfortable with his feelings toward Misha. Jensen had never thought of himself as anything other than a red blooded heterosexual american male, then Misha had came along and changed all that. He still wasn’t interested in other men, although he could admit whether or not someone looked good, this was something he had always been able to do. He wondered if he would have been as accepting if Danneel had come to him asking for a relationship with someone else, even if it was someone they both knew fairly well. He wasn’t sure, but he hoped he would never have to find out. Misha and Danneel flirted around a little bit and had even both been with him at the same time. Misha had never been with her alone though at least not all the way. They were best friends so they would goof around and sometimes after quite a bit of alcohol they would get handsy but that’s usually when one or the other would call Jensen to join in.

Jensen was brought out of his thoughts by a fan addressing him with a question. Misha smiled a little amused at him when he realized he hadn’t been paying attention. Usually when he would space out like that he was remembering something they had gotten into in the nights before the panel, or even thinking about what he wanted to do or have done to him. Misha laid a hand on his shoulder, looking at him now with a little concern and Jensen just smiled and shook his head. He looked in the audience to the fan and asked her to please repeat her question, determined to pay attention this time. “So, Jensen, you have a birthday coming up. Don’t think we could ever possibly forget.” At this the entire crowd began cheering and Jensen felt his face flame up. “Yeah, I do. I seem to have one of those every year, I just don’t understand it.” The fan giggled a little bit but seemed to focus back in on her question. “So how does it feel to be almost half a century old.” Jensen spluttered a little at this comment and turned to Misha as if to ask did she really just ask that? He eventually got himself together enough to respond to the fan after the crowd had died down. There seemed to be just as many boos as there were cheers at the question. “Well, I’m only turning forty, but I guess it is closer to fifty than it is zero, but I still feel thirty so I’m not too sure.” The crowd seemed to notice his discomfort and allowed him his time to process what he was feeling about the question. Misha was answering what questions he could and deflecting the ones that were directed towards Jensen. This was part of the reason he loved doing panels with Misha. He truly understood what Jensen needed and worked extremely hard to make sure he got it. He did manage to answer a few more questions as the panel went on but the fans seemed to avoid bringing up his age anymore and Misha kept giving him sympathetic looks like he completely understood what he was feeling right now, about the mini melt down that Jensen is having in his head right now.

Then again Jensen thinks, he might just understand. After all Misha is even older than Jensen is. He forgets about that quite often. Misha is so outgoing and full of life that Jensen sometimes forgets that he isn’t some twenty something year old running around set being a goofball like the rest of them. Speaking of Misha, he keeps giving Jensen these looks, like we are so talking about this when we get back to the room. The guys on set of course know about their relationship, but they keep it pretty private because all the fans would go nuts, I mean they already have hundreds of blogs and thousands of fanfiction accounts dedicated to cockles, which he found out recently is a “ship” between him and Misha. Now that doesn’t include all the ones for Destiel, but these are based on them, the actual actors and not the characters and this makes him just a little more uncomfortable. While they are in the green room with only a few fans around because they have to sell tickets back here as well, no time for the actors to actually unwind and turn off their public persona, Misha comes up and lays a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing his thumb over the spot where his neck and shoulder come together. Jensen doesn’t really mind the fact that the fans are back here normally, but this has hit him hard and today he would really like to just curl up next to Misha for a few minutes before autograph sessions begin.

“Hey big guy, what’s going on? You still upset about that one fan’s question?” Misha always seems to know him so well. “Nah, well, yeah just a little. I guess I just sort of forgot that I was that old. I don’t really feel like I should be ‘half a century old’ but I don’t know. Do I act like it to you? Do I look like it?” Misha looked around and noticing that the only fans that had been back there had already been lead back out to the main room of the convention, sat down on Jensen lap. This of course made Jensen laugh and those little laugh lines that Misha was so in love with showed on his face. “First of all, she said ALMOST half a century, and second of all, you definitely do not look or act like an old man. I should definitely know since, you know, I am older than you. Also, because well, I don’t think old men would be able to do some of the things we do in bed.” This last part was said in a whisper against Jensen’s ear and sent a shiver down his spine. Misha would need to behave or they would be late to autographs. As it turns out that wouldn’t be a problem as Jared came bounding around the corner and plopping his long frame down onto the couch next to the couple. “Hey hey, none of that now, someone might see you, because you know, you guys are so awesome at keeping this whatever it is between you both secret. Oh, so get this, I saw something online the other day about you two. It was one of those fan story things but it was about you all not Dean and Cass.” “Don’t tell me you read those Jared that’s a little scary since, you know, you actually do know us and don’t have to just make up some stuff to post online.” Okay, so maybe Jensen was not in the best mood today, sue him. “No for real, some of them actually sound like they KNOW you. There was one I found it was called something about Cockles and it had stuff in it I swear they had to have had cameras because it was so true. That or maybe you guys just don’t keep as good a secret as you thought. Anyway just wanted to let you know, oh and I was told to let you know autographs were supposed to start about three minutes ago. Okay bye!” With that Jared bounced right back out of the room leaving it so much quieter than it had been only seconds before.

“You know those people who write the fanfiction seem to get his personality down pretty good too. He really does seem like an energetic puppy sometimes. Thank god he doesn’t pee on the furniture though.” This made both of them laugh and Misha just shrugged like he hadn’t just been talking about their friend peeing inside, just ew. Jensen and Misha then stood up to make their way to autographs and Misha stops him and leads him around the corner into a room that was just a little more private. “You know that whatever they say, you are still an amazing person and someone I want to spend the rest of my life with right?” This made Jensen blush and smile so big he thought his face would break. These are the smiles that Misha loves and the sparkle in Jensen’s eyes that he hadn’t seen much of today was slowly starting to come back. “You are such a cheese ball you know that? Of course I know that though, even if I share you with the ladies, I still love you and you keep me sane sometimes when I think I would lose my mind otherwise.” Misha gave a thousand watt smile back to Jensen and then kissed him starting around the corner back through the green room they were really late now. “Yeah but you like this cheese ball.”

So finally when they made it to autographs they were separated again, Misha had a table off to the side with Mark and Alex. Apparently they were playing up the two dads thing at this convention. Jensen of course was in the center with Jared who was waiting with his dopey grin already on display. “Have fun?” He quietly questioned as Jensen slid into his position behind the table. He just looked at him as if to say really? You want to talk about us keeping quiet? But instead he just rolled his eyes at the big puppy and started talking to the first fan in line. This was going to be a really long day. The autograph session actually went faster than he thought it would at first. There were fans there who were helping the different actors with their respective charities. He thought this was pretty awesome and actually wished he could talk to the one girl a little longer. She was the one who started it and while they were named after a certain blue eyed angel they still helped all the different charities supported by the cast. She had a beautiful pendant for him and a book. The book was a compilation of notes from different fans describing what he meant to them. This made his eyes get a little damp and he had to put that away for later, couldn’t be crying in front of everyone again.

After autographs they went to photo ops. These were always his favorite, well most of the time, because the fans always had some really out there ideas for how they should pose. He looked over to see Misha talking to Alex and waiting for their photo area to be rearranged. The photos they were doing now were the ones with him and Jared both in the pictures and believe it or not they actually had puppy ears for the big dope to wear to make him really look like a puppy. The fans in this op had also brought a net and instructed Jensen to be the dog catcher, he was sure there was some meaning behind it that he wasn’t going to think too hard on. He knew that not everyone “shipped” him and Misha and that there were quite a few who thought him and Jared were together as well. Those he didn’t understand at all. He could see that maybe he and Misha acted like they were more than just friends on occasion, those occasions were blatantly labeled on youtube, but he and Jared had only ever been friends. Granted they were best friends, on the verge of brother type of friends but lovers? No way even the thought was hilarious to him and he started grinning. The girls eat that right up, commenting on how his smile made him look so much younger. This however caused the real smile to slip right off his face and caused him to have to put the fake one back on. He really didn’t want to think about his age anymore today. His birthday wasn’t even for another few days and already he was dreading it. Finally, the photo ops with Misha came around. He definitely preferred these to the ones that he had to do with Jared and the ones with him and the fans alone. The fans usually wanted something cute with them holding hands or acting like they were kissing and he always had to act like he thought it was horrible, when in fact, these were the best. They were able to be close and semi intimate without anyone saying anything about it. Yeah, he could definitely see where they got him and Misha being together. Oh well, it was too much work to try and hide it any better.

Photo ops finally finished and away from the prying eyes of the public, Jensen was standing in the bathroom of his and Misha’s motel room. He was just standing there looking into the mirror like it held the answers to all his questions. Questions such as where did all the time go? What happened to the young guy who started out on this crazy show fourteen years ago? Hell, where was the guy that was so flustered over the cute new quy that he couldn’t remember his lines and all the other guys gave him grief over? He was starting to wonder what made Misha still want to be around him. He definitely wasn’t the attractive young actor that he used to be, and with the kids and wife at home he wasn’t able to devote very much time away from work and conventions, not nearly as much as he had once been able to. Speaking of kids and a wife at home, Jensen needed to call Danneel and let her know that his head wasn’t completely in the game tonight so if he seemed distant in his text messages that was why. She would worry about him otherwise. He really did have an amazing family. He had three great kids that thought he hung the moon and stars, an amazing wife who loved him more than anything on the planet, and Misha. Misha was a part of his family that he had never expected, but he wouldn’t know how to function without him in it now. Misha had introduced him to polyamory when Jensen had never even thought to know what it was. Why would anyone want to share their relationship with anyone else? Well it turns out that you can love more than one person without it taking away from the other. When Jensen was at home with Danneel they had family time, which sometimes included Misha and even Vickie, and these were some of Jensen's favorite times. He was able to have not only his wife and kids but Misha with him, his kids and Misha’s kids didn’t see anything wrong with all of them getting to spend time together. Holidays especially were a big thing to Misha, so they all got together and had big celebrations for even the silliest holidays.

There were times when he and Danneel would need a reset, some time just for them or for them and the kids. These times Misha never seemed jealous of, he understood because he and Vickie needed these times as well. When they were away from home however, like at work in Vancouver or at the conventions, that was Jensen and Misha’s reset time. They always stayed together while they were away, going so far as to have a place in Vancouver where they both lived while filming. Of course with Danneel being on the show there were a few weeks where they had to share the house in Vancouver but it had definitely been worth it. This had been one of the funnest times during filming recently, not only did he and Misha get to pick on her on set but they made it all better when they would return home at night. Jensen wasn’t jealous at all watching Danneel with Misha. It almost felt like home, the two people he loved the most loving each other and responding to him together, that was why he found the whole polyamory thing to be their best relationship choice yet. Jensen realized he had been off in his own head again while standing in front of the bathroom mirror as a strong set of hands made their way around his waist and up under his shirt to rest on his chest. Misha rested his head on Jensen’s shoulder and continued gently tracing the muscles on his chest. He had kept his figure because, well, Dean was a hunter. Dean was a hunter who for some reason enjoyed going topless, so Jensen kept his physique quite nice. Even for an old man, he quipped in his own mind.

“Quit that, I can tell you’re doing it again. Don’t let it get to you. You aren’t that old, and I’m not the only one who finds you sexy as hell. No, I’m not talking about Danni either, even though that’s true she does also. No, I’m talking about the hundreds of fans that came to see you today. They waited in line for hours for the photos and the autographs, even just a chance to speak to you one time for a couple of minutes. That made their entire lives.” Jensen raised his hand and placed it on Misha’s through his shirt. “God complex much?” Misha laughed and nuzzled even closer into Jensen’s neck. “Nah, just a little character bleed. Remember, Castiel was like god for a while.” This made them both laugh and Jensen was once again reminded that Misha was perfect for him. “I was about to go call Danni want to come with me out of this bathroom, I mean I know they are actually pretty clean but I just realized that I’ve spent way too much time in here tonight.” Jensen started toward the bedroom pulling Misha by the hand and when Misha pulled him to a stop and pushed him up against the wall between the bathroom door and the one that lead out into the hallway he easily fit between the smaller man and the barrier behind him. Misha unbuttoned his shirt while Jensen kept his mouth attached to Misha’s neck, just below the collar line. This was his area, the part where no one but himself, Misha, Danneel and Vickie ever had access. If they ever did a shot where misha didn’t have a shirt on they would have to cover the slightly varying shades of bruising left from Jensen’s skilled tongue and lips, but for now he wasn’t worried about it at all. They were starting to let their bodies carry their minds away as Jensen heard a sound from further into the room. Misha groaned as he leaned back to look Jensen in the eye. “That’s her ringtone isn’t it? We were just getting started.” He put on a pouty face that Jensen knew was just for show. Misha enjoyed talking to the girls as much as he did, but it wasn’t Danneel’s ringtone going off. “Nope, that’s Vickie’s new ringer on my phone. Now, why pray tell would your wife be calling me at a convention?”

Misha honestly didn’t know so he just shrugged and stepped out of the way to allow Jensen to get to his phone which had been dropped on the nightstand when he came into the room before his long stay in front of the bathroom mirror. By the time he got there it had already stopped reading and as he picked it up it beeped signaling an incoming text message. He held it out for Misha to see what had been written.

Hey sorry if I’m interrupting your all’s guy time, but have you seen my husband? I can’t seem to get him to answer his phone. Danneel was wanting to see if we could all get together after this convention and do something for your birthday. Maybe invite Gen and Jared too. It’s been forever since we all had the chance to hang out, and Sarah agreed to watch the kids for us so we could all have a few drinks and be adults instead of just parents for once. Well, anyway if you see him please tell him to call me. Thanks.

    “That actually sounds like a great idea. We should totally all get together and have a huge celebration for your birthday. Might make you realize that you do still have people who care about you, and I have no idea where my phone went, if Jared took it I’m going to kill him.” Misha then went off to supposedly look for his phone so Jensen figured he’d go ahead and message Vickie back.

Sorry, he has no idea where his phone ran off to, and you can message me anytime, you know that. As far as the party, that sounds great whatever you and Danni want to do is fine with me. As far as Gen and Jared, well that will probably depend on if he took Misha’s phone or not. If he posts anything else on Misha’s twitter I’m not sure the fans are going to believe him when he says it wasn’t him.

    He put the phone back down on the nightstand while laughing at his friend and boyfriend’s silly antics and went to his bag to get some fresh night clothes out. While he was getting dressed for the night his phone began ringing again. Guess people really do love him. He laughed out loud at the silliness he was feeling after spending a little while with Misha. This time it really was Danneel, she was calling because Jared told her that he may need some special attention. Jensen rolled his eyes at this, yeah that sounded like something Jared would say. He explained to her what the fan had asked him during his and Misha’s panel that afternoon and how he felt about it. She calmly sat and listened and gave support where it was needed. God he was one lucky man. He was laying on the bed still talking with Danneel when Misha came back into the room. Apparently he had found his phone as he was furiously typing away at the screen as he walked through the door. “Stupid Jared, so help me he is nothing but an overgrown child. He doesn’t have any respect for other people’s things. Can you believe this? He did it again. Why does it have to always be something stupid on my twitter feed?” Finally Misha looked up from his phone when all he received from Jensen was a low snicker. He mouthed it’s Danni as Misha sat down on the bed beside him. “Oh sorry, hey Danni! I miss your beautiful face!” She giggled at Misha’s silly comment, “miss your ugly mug too,” and he continued to type away as he stuck his tongue out at her when she clearly couldn’t see it. Jensen did let her in on the response though. He finally hung up the phone and Misha finally finished explaining to his minions about Jared’s stupidity, AGAIN. “How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?” Jensen asked laying his head on Misha’s chest. “Don’t know, but I feel like the lucky one most of the time.” He wrapped his arm around Jensen and they just laid there enjoying the quiet and each other while Misha’s phone was chiming continuously in the background.

[fanficcollection]

Tumblr - Girl (Part 4)

Tumblr – Girl (series)

Part 1 Part 3  Part 5

Masterlist

Pairing: Misha Collins x reader Summary: you heard others talk about yourself Word Count: 2.400ish Warnings: panic attack, angst, depression, mental illness, self doubt Notes: thanks to @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki​ for beta-reading. It is my first ever fanfic and I am not a English native speaker so please don’t hate me

Now enjoy part 4!

Mishas POV

When I opened the message, just a few minutes after it got in, I felt guilty when I only read the introduction. It was wrong, I wasn’t called Dmitri, yeah I was given that name but I don’t use it anymore. I sat on my bed and stared at my phone. I regretted not telling her my real name, of course it was a risk on the first moment, but she wouldn’t think that I would really be on tumblr, nobody knows that and by the amount of family-members there were surely some other Mishas. But now? If I told her now she will certainly get the relation of those two names I told her. I had to play Dmitri for a while, even if I felt bad with it.

I quickly read the rest of her message and could nearly feel the self-doubt, but as it looks she got a bit better compared to the text before. She seemed pleased to have someone to throw her thoughts on, but on the other hand she tried to make herself look unimportant.

“Hello Y/N,

Nice to hear you are better, even if it’s just for now (If it gets bad again, I’m here). Tell those voices they have no more room here because my voice is here instead. :) Don’t listen to them you can do better, you deserve better than those nasty voices talking.

You don’t have to be sorry, although I didn’t really know what to say, I’m kinda glad you told me the truth, so I can better understand in which situation you are. It shows that you are a honest person.

I see, I see. Have you ever thought about what could be the trigger to such feelings? Maybe disputes with people you like? Nasty comments? Bad grades/bad success at work? Often you don’t really catch the trigger but your brain catches every one of them, even if you know they aren’t meant seriously.

Please never ever talk like that about yourself. Would I still be here if I wasn’t interested in getting to know you? As you said I could stop writing and I didn’t, I won’t, your life is interesting, your life is worth talking about forever. But I don’t want you to stand in the dark about my personality. I worked really hard for my job, I often had moments when I thought giving up would be much easier, but I kept fighting for it, now I’m quite successful in a long running company. Like I said I’m on the road very often so there isn’t a lot of time for private things.

So now about you again, tell me something about you I don’t know by now, there are sooo many things, just pick something, something you want to share.

Love, oldbonesgoingdown”

Your POV

Days went by and Dmitri supported you as good as he could. He didn’t tell a lot about himself, but you were okay with that, you understood that he didn’t want to talk about himself, you were the same for some time now, but with him it was easier for you to open up. You told him everything that bothered you, what pulled you down, when you had panic attacks and why. Sure, you were interested who was on the other side of the line, but on the other hand you didn’t want to push him to something, and for sure you didn’t want to lose him. He was caring, and he was there for you when you needed him the most.

The first time since months you went to university every day and you had that feeling that you got everything together, slowly but constantly, you really understood the praise of the SPNfamily now. Nearly every day you wrote Dmitri at least one message and you got an answer, every time, you got into normal talking, when he realised you were getting better he didn’t stop caring for you, once in a while he always asked if you were okay and you normally answered with “of course”.

Two or three weeks after your first contact with Dmitri it happened; no he didn't do anything wrong, he was always his caring self; you accidentally overheard the girls from your course at uni talking in the bathroom. “What about Y/N? You think she is lesbian?” – “No, she just isn’t able to get a boyfriend, she is going to die alone, just look at her, who wants to be with her?” Then they laughed and went back to class. You just sat there on the toilet and your felt your heart speed up, you knew they were right, no one was interested in you, you had no one, just some strange guy you met over the internet, he could be a total creep. You realized you were alone, it was a total illusion that there was somebody for you. Even if Dmitri wrote you, what did you really know about him? You didn't know where he was living, where he worked and what as, you didn't even know what he looked like. And if you did find out, would it really change things? He still wouldn’t be there, you still would be alone.

After a relatively long time without panic attack this one hit you right at your weak spot. You couldn’t catch any air and you got dizzy. You realized you had to go or you would pass out on the university-toilet. You unlocked the door, tried to cool your face with some cold water as it went black in front of your eyes and you collapsed, hit your head on the sink and felt yourself fall to the floor, then you were gone.

Beep. Beep. Beep. This sound made you insane, what was that? Stop that. You tried to open your eyes, where were you? Beep. Beep. Beep. “Stop.” You whispered, your throat completely dried out. Again you tried to open your eyes and this time it worked but after a fraction of a second you snapped it close again, it was unbelievably dazzling. Where? Your lungs reached for air, your head hurts. The speed of the beeping-sound increased, beep, beep, beep, beep. What was happening? You didn’t know what to do, your eyes opened once again, now longer. Suddenly there was a woman next to you. "Calm down honey. You're okay, your're safe." You stared at her, unable to move. Trying again, you managed to say the word "Stop" before coughing dryly.

The woman beside you held out a cup of water, and watched as you took it from her hand. "Here, drink this honey. It'll help." Before she even finished speaking, you had drunk the whole cup down.. You shivered, but manage to speak, louder than before. "Stop" - "What should I say stop Honey?" the woman asked, looking at you with a questioning look. You pointed to the direction you thought the sound was coming from, and the woman smiled. “Ahh. Yes, sure.” She pressed some buttons and the sound was out.

“Thanks” you whispered. “Where? – I mean.. What is this?” you desperately looked at the woman. She smiled. “You’re in hospital. One of your classmates found you passed out on the university toilets yesterday. Your head hit the sink and you needed some stittches. When you looked down on yourself you saw your arm in a plaster, you stared at her. “Yeah, you also broke your upper arm, probably when you hit the floor, honey, but that is going to get better.” – “Okay. And when can I leave?” you asked. The nurse seemed sad “What is it?” you asked her a bit annoyed. “Honey, when the doctors put your arm in plaster, they…” she stopped, she didn’t know how to carry on. “They did what?” you got a bit angry. “They, no, we saw some scars, some healed and some fresh ones. So… you have to stay a bit longer, the doctors prescribed you an appointment with Dr. Richard, the psychiatrist of the hospital. He will get here in a few minutes; I already told him you are awake.” You stared at her “I won’t –“ – “You’ll have to, darling.” Just in that second somebody knocked at the door. “Come in.” the nurse said and a very young man came in the room. “Hello Abbey” he said to the nurse “And hello Y/N, how are you doing?” he asked and looked at you with a smile. “I’m Jacob, Jacob Richard.” He introduced himself. Wow. To be honest you hadn’t expected to see such a young and pretty guy as a psychiatrist. “I’m…. I think I’m well.” You said and watched his lips again turning to a smile. “Okay. Would you mind if we talk a few minutes? Just some smooth, normal talking?” You looked in Abbey's direction for her approval, she smiled giving her silent approval, before heading out the room, carefully pulling the door closed behind her as she left.

"If Abbey seems to think it's okay, then I guess it's okay. I don't really have much choice in the matter though, do I?" You watched the Doctor half smile, carefully thinking about what he wanted to say, before he spoke again.

"You are correct, but we can save the nasty questions for another time. We can discuss nicer things today." You nodded. You never thought a psychiatrist could be this nice. “So what are you studying at university?”  - “I’m in my 3rd semester of German and just started Business-Maths as a second subject.” – “Wow, that sounds nice. An unusual combination, isn’t it?”  You nodded again. “Yeah. Many people say that, but I just need this ‘solving riddles’, and Maths is exactly that, solving riddles, logic, understanding. I kinda need that.” Now he nodded. It really was a smooth talk, talking seemed to help calm you. Between the two of you, you talked & talked, answering all of his questions. And as you talked, you found out little facts about him: where he was from, what pets he had, and the reason he became a Psychiatrist. After what seemed like forever, but was only an hour, Dr Richard said he had to go, as he had other patients to go see. Before he left, he gave you a card with his number on, telling you that if you ever needed to talk on the phone, or arrange an appointment to talk in person, to call the number on the card. You didn't say anything, simply nodded your head, and watched as he left your room.

When he walked out of the door, Abbey came back in. “You have to stay just another night, the doctor said. Just to see if your head is okay, it hit the sink very hard, you know.” – “I feel it.” You answered and gave her a little smile. “You will get some more painkillers and then try to sleep, it will help you to recover quickly.” She gently patted your shoulder and left as well.

The next day the doctor came in, told you some medical details and that you had to wear the plaster for about six weeks, then he showed you your things and said you could leave now. You gave him a smile, took your clothes and threw the hospital shirt on the bed. Before you could leave the room Abbey came back and gave you the prescription for your medication, some painkiller and the other ones were antidepressants, what you found out after googling the name. You thanked her and left.

At the pharmacy you got your medication, but you didn’t intended to swallow any of it. All the blame was on you, so it was only right that you felt it; the pain, your emotions and feelings, all of it. You needed them, you earnt them, you couldn’t just swipe them away with some pills.In the drama of the last few days you had completely forgot to text Dmitri, what with talking to Dr Richard. The talk had been nice, and there really wasn't much left to talk about, in your mind at least. Texting Dmitri simply got forgotten about.

Mishas POV

The last weeks went good, Y/N did well, it seemed as she recovered fast. I wrote to her nearly every day, it was strange when one day was without a message, but if that happened it was always explained the next day, I got to know her very well. When I didn’t got a message back from her it for nearly three days now I was worried again, what happened to her? She never just stayed quiet like now. I shot her some messages and got a bit stressed out, just like the first time I got no response from her. But what could I do, except waiting?

When it was nearly 3 days gone by, I texted Jensen.

“Jensen, remember that tumblr-girl I told you about? -Misha”

“Yeah, what happened with her, is she feeling better -J”

“I thought so, but she hasn’t answered for some time now? Should I be worried? -Misha”

“You are anyway, buddy, you wouldn’t have texted me if you weren’t. So how can I help you? -J”

“I don’t know, what should I do? -Misha”

“Time for a walk? I think it’s easier to talk about that than typing. -J”

“Okay. See you in 5min outside? -Misha”

“That’s fine, see you in 5 -J”

When Jensen saw me outside he hugged me tight. “So buddy, tell me, tell me everything. Don’t you dare skip a detail.” The tone of his voice calmed me, and as Jensen started to walk, I open up as I walked along side him. I told him everything that happened since the last time Y/N and I talked. I also told him that I had the feeling I failed, that I had somehow failed at keeping Y/N happy. Jensen listened as I spoke about just how worried I was, and how I felt something bad must have happened. I hoped that my gut feelings were wrong, but until Y/N messaged me, all I could do was worry.

Part 5

@jannalionheart​ @thing-you-do-with-that-thing​ @evyiione​