#Obi wan you brave sad kind man

[todreaminscarlet]

of complete simplicity

He sits silently, his back straight and head bent, with his hands resting on his crossed knees, palms open to the universe above him. His eyes are closed, and the whispering sands and mournful winds of the desert around him are falling away to be replaced by the susurration of the Force, swirling around him and through him. It is everything, demands everything, and he willing gives all it requires.

[swbumblebee]

Mace Windu, Master of the Order and one half of the Jedi’s only time-travelling duo, looked at the clock.

It had been a depressing kind of evening. Plo had something on and Depa was away, he’d been left with his paperwork and messages and one sad glass of wine.

He sighed. Ah well, tomorrow might be more fun, may as well turn in-

He froze, frowning as his thoughts were interrupted by the person slowly approaching his door. He’d recognize that presence anywhere, but it was a little…off.

He didn’t make it to the door before the chime went off four times in quick succession.

“Yes, alright I know you’re there” the bemused Master grumbled, opening the door to reveal the now familiar face of twenty-three-year-old Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Mace stopped short in the doorway. The young man in front of him looked awful; hair sticking up all over the place, his face the same colour as the white wall a part from the starkly dark circles that hung beneath glassy eyes, and there was a smattering of stubble on his chin.

His horror must have shown on his face as Obi-Wan flushed awkwardly, flashing a very quick tight smile.

“Hello. Sorry. This is a mistake. Goodbye.” He said quickly starting to turn away and flee.

Mace sprung into action.

“No Obi-Wan –“ he managed to grab hold of his arm before the young Knight could escape. “I’m sorry, I’m pleased to see you, do come on in” he said genially whilst practically dragging the young man into the room.

“Oh no it’s alright I know you’re-“

“Never too busy for you” Mace said firmly, the internal panic rising with every word. “Sit down”. The push he was aiming for turned into rather more of a shove in his desperation to get his charge safely on the squashy sofa.

“Mm thanks.”

Mace observed the man before him, a suspicion creeping into his mind.

“Where’s Master Plo?” Obi-Wan asked looking around, slightly more animated than usual and genuinely surprised that they weren’t together.

“He has his own rooms you know” Mace answered tartly.

All he got was a rather dubious look in response.

“Obi-Wan” he said slowly, pouring a glass of water from the pitcher on the caff table. “Have you been out drinking?” the Master asked lightly.

The knight covered his face with his hands before admitting.

“ I have had a drink. Yes.” he confirmed slowly. “s’ my anniversary.”

Mace stalled in confusion.

“Your…anniversary?” he clarified.

“Mm Hmm.” Was all he got in the way of an answer from the usually articulate man.

Mace dithered. Plo was so much better at this kind of thing!

He allowed the silence to stretch, mentally going through the high-carbohydrate food in the kitchen and the time it would take to feed to the inebriated young man.

“Qui-Gon agreed to train me ten years ago today. Again, I mean. He kind of had to but still. It was nice.” He volunteered, staring at something on the wall in front of him and seemingly forgetting who he was talking to.

Mace blinked.

What?

“Obi-Wan, I don’t understand.” He said softly, unwilling to break the spell; he’d never known his friend to volunteer this much information, in either timeline.

“Melida/Daan.” The younger man answered blandly. “Ten years ago. I Arrived, kriffed it all up, he had to come get me, an’ I made him train me again.” He said, flippancy entering his tone.

Mace looked at him in horror. Melida/Daan, how had he forgotten? It was a chapter in his and the order’s history that he was deeply, deeply ashamed of.

He looked at the capable, strong person currently melting into the sofa next to him and released his sadness into the Force.

“Obi-Wan, my friend” he said gently “that’s not how I remember it.”

Large blue eyes turned to him, accompanied by a confused frown.

“I remember a brave child, determined to follow the force at great, great cost to himself, determined to save as many lives as possible.”

“But I didn’t-“

“I’m sorry”. He cut the young man’s excuses off, turning to look at him solemnly. “We made a grave mistake, you should never have been in that position, and I am so thankful that you were so strong and clever and talented, and you came back to us.”

Predictably, Obi-Wan looked away, silently and slightly awkwardly contemplating the glass of water in his hand.

Mace pressed his advantage.

“And I do not believe, that in his entire life, anybody made Qui-Gon Jinn do anything.”

The mention of his Master’s name had the young Knight taking a deep shaky breath. Still, he looked down at the glass in front of him.

Mace barely resisted the urge to give him a hug.

“Being your Master was the honour of his life, and he took you back because he was appalled at himself for ever letting you go.” Mace explained gently, wondering when to reign himself in.

Reassurance, support and care he and Plo could do, mind healers would have to do the rest. Who, this time around, Obi-Wan Kenobi was going to see come hell or high water.

They sat in pregnant silence for a few long moments, Mace politely not noticing the man next to him struggling to get himself under control.

“He was very proud of you.” He continued quietly. “Hells, getting him to shut up about you for five minutes was damn near impossible.”

As predicted, that earned him a watery smile and a hiccup as finally, finally, the usually so reserved and wooden young man leant ever so slightly towards him, and Mace didn’t hesitate to do the rest, pulling him tightly into a messy hug on the sofa.

It was a breakdown that had been a long time coming. Obi-Wan had taken everything so far firmly in his stride, adapting himself and his life to accommodate his grief and his new responsibilities, but this was always going to happen. A very small, selfish part of Mace was very proud, and grateful, that the fiercely independent Knight had sought him out (he and Plo, he supposed) for comfort and care. They were making headway in their mission!

“Shhh I know, that’s it” he said encouragingly, having a vivid flashback to a heartbroken Depa in this exact same position once upon a time as he stroked a skinny back and projected comfort and acceptance into the force around them.

They stayed like that for Force knows how long, Mace eventually entering a vaguely meditative state until Obi-Wan shifted against him, flushing as his stomach rumbled.

“Oh, sorry.”

The older Jedi nearly rolled his eyes and made a mental note to warn against drinking on an empty stomach, but untangled himself all the same and headed to the kitchen.

“Anakin is with Madam Skywalker?” Mace clarified as he returned with a plate of tubers and another pint of water.

Obi-Wan nodded, taking the offerings gratefully.

“’till Primeday.”

“Good, stay here tonight” he instructed, leaving no room for excuses he knew were coming, by throwing a blanket over the vulnerable young man on his sofa.

“…thank you Master” came the unexpected, and rather quiet response.

Mace smiled as he left the room, making a note to return with an emergency bucket the moment his companion was asleep.

---

Lying in his bed he fished out his communicator to keep his co-conspirator in ‘Operation Kenobi Support’ in the loop.

‘OWK staying here tonight. Having a wobble. Bring extra breakfast - M.’

Not a second went by before he received a response.

‘Telling me now? Coming Over. P.’

‘OK, he’s asleep. M.’

‘Coming anyway. Should be there! P.’

And then a moment later

‘Should have told me at once! P.’

Mace grimaced. Vaguely, he felt bad about the coddling Obi-Wan was sure to get when Mace filled his partner-in-time-travel in. But not as bad as he felt for himself, at the prospect of the earful Plo was going to give him the moment they were alone.

[sunniebabe99]

Reuniting

Warnings; none maybe just mentions of killing?

Sith!Obi-wan x Darth Vader

Just a random little short writing. Let me know if you would like to see more like this!

Darth Vader walked down the halls of his base on Mustafar and thought of the recent mission his master had assigned to him…

“There have been sightings of a force-sensitive man taking out many bases across the Empire. He was last seen on Cato Neimoidia and stole files from the bases data banks…it seems he is looking for something…or someone…You are to track him down and put an end to this. Kill him” The words of his master echoed in his head as he thought back. What kind of man would go through all that trouble to steal a couple of files? Unless he wasn't just any ordinary force sensitive. He could be a Jedi that escaped the purge. Darth Vader looked forward to putting an end to him even more. 

He was almost to his office until he felt it. He froze and stood there. His signature trembled slightly as he felt the force of another. One that he had known very well. He could easily feel it coming from his office. It was as if it was seducing him to come along and follow it. The familiar feeling of the cool force signature pulled Darth to his office. His anger flickered as he thought about that man, that man who ruined everything for him those ten years ago.  He had no idea how the old man could have snuck into this highly guarded facility. He would have to go and fix that security issue after he was done killing this sad excuse for a man.

He brought out his lightsaber and ignited it. Walking to his large office doors and they opened quickly with a hiss. 

He looked across the room. Seeing the familiar copper head peaking over his office chair. Looked over at the window at the vast flowing lava that consumed Mustafar. 

“You are either brave or a fool to come here….Obi-wan” his deep modulated voice rang in the air. The tension deafening as he felt a surge of confidence through the force. A light chuckle came from Obi-wan. Turning around smoothly in the chair, his legs crossed as he looked at Darth Vader. He almost inhaled sharply as he took in Obi-wan's appearance. He was ragged as ever, hair long and beard untamed. Wearing darker robes and having a confident, cocky air to him that seemed out of character for the Master he knew since he was a boy. One thing that had mostly caused Vader’s surprise though…was Obi-wan's glowing yellow eyes staring right back at him and grinning. 

“It's good to see you too Anakin,” He said, but then held his hands up in mock apology. 

“Or is it Darth Vader now? It's hard to keep up with all of these name changes nowadays”.

Darth moved closer and kept his lightsaber activated. 

“Stop the idle chatter and get to the point…you need something,” Darth Vader said sharply.  He had no idea why he didn't just cut him down where he sat. something was telling him not to as if whispering in his ear softly to let the man speak and to be wary.

Obi-wan moved off the chair and stood up. Sighing and then glanced at Vader gripping his saber tightly. His caution made Obi-wan grin. Anakin had every right to be cautious. Obi-wan was already a master of the Jedi way…but with the power of the sith fulling him…who knows how powerful he could be now. Obi-wan enjoyed feeling his anger through the force. His signature brushed against the broken bond they once had shared all of those years ago. Obi-wan leaned on the black desk. His sharp eyes examined Darth Vader’s body and the helmet that hid his burnt face from him. Vader felt his advances on the broken bond. The feeling of his signature touching the bond felt like silk touching his skin. Cool, smooth, and inviting, almost calling to him. begging him to let the bond mend.  

“It isn't what I want my darling Anakin…It is who I want.” Obi-wan said as they both felt their old bond slowly begin to reform.

[photogirl894]

Can you cast your mutuals as Clones or Star Wars characters?

Ooh I've never done this! I'll do my best! 😁 I tried to get as many as I could that I interact with a lot! If I missed any mutuals that would like me to cast them with a character, let me know!

Rex: @bad-batch-supremacy cuz you have good leadership qualities

Cody: @pentowrite-wingstofly cuz you are a very loyal friend

Echo: @theoneandonlyslick cuz you're a caring and loyal individual

Fives: @nahoney22 cuz you're courageous and you do what's right and put people in their place

Jesse: @loth-wolffe cuz you stand up for your friends and what you believe in

Hardcase: @m-o-o-n-s-g-o-o-n-s cuz you're spunky attitude reminds me of him

Waxer: @fantasyproductions cuz you're a precious sweetheart who looks out for other people

Hunter: @darthzero22 cuz you're a Hunter girl like me, but you also never give up on the things that are important to you

Crosshair: @thisistheendtimes cuz you're resilient, strong and clever

Tech: @moonstrider9904 cuz you're a genius and super smart

Wrecker: @all-aboard-the-tech-deck cuz you are buff as hell! And also super sweet and fun!

Omega: @critical-endangered cuz you're my adorable, sweet bean!

Din Djarin: @nimata-beroya cuz of your profile picture, but you also look out for everyone, especially me, and are always willing to help

Kit Fisto: @kybacrystal cuz I know he's your man and you're a brave soul

Ahsoka Tano: @incognito-lezbean cuz I know she's your girl and you're a strong, courageous woman who would do anything for her friends

Obi-Wan Kenobi: @mrskenobi677 cuz of your name, of course, and you are a very supportive person

Luminara Unduli: @the-sad-batch cuz you're wise, kind and level-headed

Jyn Erso: @monako-jinn-stories cuz of the name and cuz you bring out the best in people

Hera Syndulla: @d1n0-dan cuz you're a cutie and incredibly ambitious and creative

Plo Koon: @a-crazy-starwars-fan cuz you're always looking out for those around you and want everyone to be happy

[tennessoui]

Pleaseeee do 43 or 46. I love your work btw

(insert months late panicked noises about how I thought 45 was 'falling in love with best friend's partner' and so wrote hold me fast for it, but actually 43 is 'falling in love with best friend's partner' very whoops very my b)

so i did 43 again anyway, but in a modern au and where the couple is actually in love (but it is an obikin happy ending because kit did write it)

(wife is unnamed the entire time so no character bashing it could literally be anyone ive been calling her rebecca in my head lmao)

43. Falling In Love With Best Friend's Partner (2.7k.......)

Obi-Wan’s kettle goes off with a whistle right as there’s a fierce banging on the door. He almost drops his favorite mug in surprise, which puts him in a bad mood from the get-go. But for the love of Christ, who would come call at his house at nine at night? It’s more than rude; it’s downright indecent.

He stalks through the house until he can unlock the door to give the person on his porch a piece of his mind, but then he sees who it is.

It’s Anakin, and he’s crying.

If there’s anything that can make Obi-Wan quiet his temper on a normal day, it’s Anakin Skywalker. A distressed Anakin Skywalker brings out every ounce of his compassion.

“Anakin?” He asks immediately, stepping forward to touch the man on his arm gently and guide him inside. He doesn’t even have to suppress a sigh when Anakin doesn’t remember to toe off his shoes in the entry way--that’s how worried he is at Anakin’s tears and the way they only increase in frequency and sound when Obi-Wan moves his hand to his back and pushes him further into his house, all the way to the dining table where he urges him to sit down.

Anakin still hasn’t said anything resembling actual words yet, so Obi-Wan goes to the kitchen to make them both a cup of tea. It’s either that or give into the temptation to thumb the tear tracks off of his cheeks and that’s a little more revealing than Obi-Wan likes.

He’s not that brave, for one.

For another, Anakin is a married man. A man married to one of Obi-Wan’s closest friends, a previous grad student turned co-author of at least seven publications, with more on the way. He can’t risk tenderly wiping away her husband’s tears because Obi-Wan Kenobi has been at least a little in love with him since they were introduced four years ago, when he’d swanned up to him holding two champagne glasses in one hand and stuck out the other to shake. “My wife talks about you nonstop, Professor,” he’d said. “I used to be so jealous until I sat in on one of your lectures when I was still in school. Made sense then.”

Obi-Wan had not known what to do with that, but had taken the proffered champagne glass and assured this strange man he had nothing to worry about.

After all, Obi-Wan wasn’t the sort of man to chase after former students or people in marriages.

Over the next few years, however, it became quite clear to him that there was a big addendum needed in his moral code: people in marriages to former students drew his eyes apparently the way no one else has ever managed to in his life.

Or perhaps it was just Anakin. Perhaps it’s always been just Anakin.

Coming to terms with the shameful, quiet love he carried for a man who flirts like it’s second nature and always has a warm touch or word to bestow on Obi-Wan had been difficult, to say the least.

Anakin’s wife had been one of Obi-Wan’s closest friends. His inconvenient and persistent feelings for Anakin had turned her into one thing only: his wife. They could not be friends when Obi-Wan spends half his nights wondering what it would be like to sleep with his arms around her husband. They could not be friends when the last dozen times the married couple had invited him over for dinner, he had paid more attention to her husband than to the food or to the other topics of conversation or to her.

And she has to know. She has to know why their latest paper has taken eight months to write. She has to have seen the way Obi-Wan perks up so obviously when Anakin brings his wife her lunch, the way he has to turn away from their chaste kisses, the way he listens keenly to any information she gives him on her husband, the way he had excused himself from the room when he heard her tell another colleague that they were trying for children.

In academia, you learn fairly quickly that it is useless to resent someone for having what you do not. It seems that Obi-Wan has to learn this lesson all over again when it comes to people. It’s hard. It’s selfish. He hates that he loves Anakin. He hates that he loves Anakin the way he does, that it’s been four years and he still loves him, that not even his happy marriage, his love for his wife, the fact that his wife is Obi-Wan’s friend, can change it.

Anakin considers them friends now, which is so much worse and yet still more than a pathetic old man like Obi-Wan deserves. Worse, because when Obi-Wan had started rejecting dinners at the Skywalker household, Anakin had pushed back with worry. When he’d noticed that Obi-Wan’s lunch most often consisted of whatever cold cut sandwich was on sale at the gas station next to campus, he’d started bringing Obi-Wan a lunch along with his wife. When Obi-Wan had stopped responding to his texts, he showed up to drag him to a night out.

Worse, because being Anakin’s friend is nothing like being his husband, and the differences make him ache as much as the acts of kindness make him want to weep.

It’s still more than Obi-Wan deserves. He knows that intimately, the way he knows that nothing can ever happen between the two of them because Anakin loves his wife. And his wife--

“She cheated on me,” Anakin gets out between uneven breaths.

Obi-Wan promptly drops his favorite mug and watches it shatter on the floor.

“Oh!” Anakin exclaims at the loud noise, peeking around the corner, and looking like he’s about to offer to help. Obi-Wan shoos him out of the kitchen, and grabs the remaining mug of tea to follow him. The mess can wait for a later time.

“What did you say?” he asks carefully, nudging the mug over to Anakin, who wraps his hands around it.

Anakin blinks up at him wetly. “Don’t make me say it again.”

Obi-Wan drags his chair closer and dares to lay a hand over Anakin’s arm, watching his face for any negative reaction. Anakin just looks at it though, as if he can’t even comprehend it.

“Please, tell me what happened,” he entreats softly.

Anakin blinks and takes a sip of the tea. It’s chamomile, which is the only tea blend Obi-Wan knows Anakin likes.

“I, um.” Anakin clears his throat and reaches up to wipe at his eyes. Obi-Wan thinks his breath leaves his body for a second when he sees the slighter lighter ring of skin around Anakin’s fourth finger. He never thought he’d see what that sliver of skin looks like.

“I came back early from a work trip, cause. Um. Cause we’ve been having problems,” he starts with a quick side glance at Obi-Wan. “Just some fighting. Going to bed angry. I guess stuff you’re never supposed to do.”

Obi-Wan tries to arrange his face in an expression meant to convey that he definitely knows what stuff one is supposed to do in a marriage.

“So I thought I could, you know. Surprise her. But when I got in, there was someone else in the house. In our bed, Obi-Wan, she fucked someone else in our bed. I--” Anakin starts crying dropping his head into his hands and dislodging Obi-Wan’s arm completely.

“Oh,” Obi-Wan murmurs, at a loss for what to say. He settles for kneeling down next to Anakin and rubbing his knee. This is platonic.This is fine. This isn’t taking advantage of Anakin in this state.

Obi-Wan has absolutely no desire to take advantage of Anakin in this state, not when he’s so hurt and sad and in need of comfort. Obi-Wan just wants to provide him with comfort, but it feels like a grievous violation to touch Anakin like this willingly. It breaks one of his most cardinal rules.

But it turns out he’d break a lot of rules for Anakin, apparently.

Especially when Anakin responds so well to his touch, practically throwing himself out of his own chair and into Obi-Wan’s arms, tea forgotten on the table.

“How am I supposed to go back there?” He sobs into Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “I thought...we were supposed to raise kids in that house and she...she’s been...she’s been cheating on me in our bed--”

Obi-Wan tentatively strokes through his hair, adding pressure when Anakin reacts positively. He hates seeing him like this, so torn up and aching. He’d loved his wife, it’s so clear to see.

But Anakin has always struck Obi-Wan as the sort of person to put loyalty over everything else. For his wife to break his trust so suddenly and quickly must spell the death of his love for her. That must be what Obi-Wan is witnessing now, with Anakin, sans wedding ring, sobbing into his arms like this. This must be how Anakin’s love dies.

“I’m so sorry, Anakin,” he murmurs into the man’s temple, pressing his nose there at his hairline and inhaling as softly as he can. He’s disgusted with himself. He can’t help himself. He--

“She said she loved him,” Anakin sniffles, seemingly unaware of anything but his own pain. Obi-Wan gathers him closer at these words and rubs at his back, offering silent comfort. To have Anakin close like this is agony, but to be an appropriate distance away from him as he fell apart would also be agony of a different sort.

And if the last four years have proven anything, Obi-Wan will choose the agony that causes Anakin any modicum of happiness he can give him.

“She said--” here Anakin pauses and takes several deep breaths against the cotton of Obi-Wan’s now damp sleepshirt. “She said she didn’t when they started, but then I--I didn’t notice and it--she said it just happened, but--”

He breaks off and freezes in Obi-Wan’s arms quite suddenly. Obi-Wan stills his own hands in response. “But?” he asks, barely more than an exhale.

“But she said she couldn’t feel sorry about it,” Anakin whispers back, pulling away so that he can look at Obi-Wan’s face.

Obi-Wan stares at him, uncomprehending. Anakin’s wife is the unapologetic sort of woman, yes, but to be caught cheating on her husband and then refuse to apologize for the betrayal? That’s something else entirely. “What?” he stutters out in a completely unflattering way.

Anakin’s eyes glisten, but he purses his lips and flexes his jaw before he speaks again. “She said she couldn’t feel sorry about falling in love with someone else because it’s quite clear I’ve done the same thing. And--and she may have physically cheated on me first, but I’ve...I’ve been emotionally unfaithful to her for years now.”

Obi-Wan blinks quite a bit and very fast, tightening his hold on Anakin before pulling away just as quickly. “That’s absurd,” he spits out, trying to calm his rushing heartbeat. “Anakin, you’re the most loyal person I know. You would never--”

“She was right,” Anakin cuts him off, breaking eye contact with him to look over his shoulder and then down at...at his lips. “I didn’t even realize she was right until she said it, but. But I’ve been in love with someone else for three years of my five year marriage. I--I’m not who we thought I was.”

And his eyes well up with tears again and Obi-Wan isn’t strong enough this time from stopping himself from reaching out and brushing one of his tears away with the pad of his thumb.

“Anakin, you’re not…” thinking straight, serious, in your right mind, in love with anyone but your wife. “You’re hurting, Anakin,” he settles on saying. “You need to...sleep. To rest.”

You need to stop saying things that will break my heart in a few days when you realize you don’t actually mean them.

But Anakin has always been stubborn, especially when it comes to Obi-Wan’s demands. “Obi-Wan,” he insists, shoving his face forward so that their heads connect with a thump. “Obi-Wan, it’s you. It’s been you. For. For longer than I knew. For three years at least. Maybe longer. It should have been you from the beginning. When--”

“Anakin, please,” he finds himself begging, scrambling up and off the floor and away from this troublesome man. “Do not say anything you cannot take back. You are in distress, you’re not thinking clearly.”

Anakin follows him to his feet. “I need to say this,” he says, voice breaking. “Please, Obi-Wan. Let me say this.”

Obi-Wan has never known how to say no to Anakin. He closes his mouth instead.

“Before we even started dating, that’s when I sat in on your lecture. When we were seniors. I just wanted to see. Wanted to know why she liked you so much, measure up my competition. But then I liked you, more than I’ve ever liked a guy before. And it only got worse after I met you again, at that party, I don’t know if you remember, but. The days after, I drove my wife insane asking questions about you and your work and your interests and your hobbies, and I didn’t even realize I was doing it.

“You were just...you were so amazing. But I loved her so much I didn’t even notice I had any love left in my heart to give to anyone else, but then there you were. There you were and every time I saw you it was like...coming up for air. Like I was living someone else’s life and then sometimes I just got to be myself and it was only ever when you were around and--I didn’t know it was love until my wife told me tonight that she fucked another man because she couldn’t stand that I fell in love with one first, and I knew immediately who she was talking about. It was you. It’s...Obi-Wan, it’s always been you.”

Anakin closes the distance between them slowly, as if he’s giving Obi-Wan a chance to run. Obi-Wan does consider it, he won’t lie, but he stands stock still as if frozen to the ground. Anakin reaches up gently and wipes at one of his tears. Obi-Wan hadn’t even realized he started crying.

“Please don’t cry,” Anakin whispers through his tears. “I understand if you--if you don’t feel the same way, but I couldn’t be quiet about it once I realized. I don’t know how to love quietly.”

Obi-Wan does. Obi-Wan’s spent four years loving Anakin quietly, and now he doesn’t have any words left in him to love him out loud.

Anakin’s hand falls away from his face at his continued silence and he looks, if possible, more heartbroken. “I...I understand,” he murmurs. “You don’t feel the way I do. I--yes. I get it. I...deserve it.”

At this, Obi-Wan has to say something because it’s been one of the tenets of his world for years now that Anakin Skywalker deserves all the love there is in the entire universe. “No,” he says roughly, dragging the words kicking and screaming from the pit of his stomach. “It’s not that. It’s--”

Anakin looks at him with wide, wet, blue eyes.

“It’s that if you...if I say it and then...tomorrow you decide you don’t mean it...darling you have to know there would be no recovering from that, for me. I’ve been so obvious.”

Anakin blinks as the words register in his brain, and Obi-Wan can tell the exact moment they do because he inches closer and clutches tightly onto his shirt. “You’ve not been obvious at all,” he murmurs, eyes still shining, even as he directs his entire attention to his lips.

“What would I need to do?” Obi-Wan breathes, aching to wrap his arms around his waist and terrified that doing so will startle Anakin away from him. “What would I need to do for you to understand how much I...how much I’ve loved you for all these years?”

“Kiss me,” Anakin whispers, leaning down as if drawn by some magnetic pull.

Obi-Wan knows he will hate himself in the morning for giving in when Anakin is so obviously grief-stricken and looking for no-strings-attached physical comfort. And yet, he meets him halfway anyway.

[calltomuster]

oh my gooshhhh my first ao3 friend is doing prompts and is amazing always ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

“I thought I’d never see you again,” with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan?

I'm so honored to be your first AO3 friend! Thanks so much for the prompt and for your endless patience on this, @the-last-kenobi!

From these caretaker dialogue prompts: 10. "I thought I'd never get to see you again."

"Obi-Wan!"

Anakin's scream was strangely muffled, like Obi-Wan was hearing it from underwater. He felt numb except for the heat spreading in his chest, flooding it with warmth where the rest of his body went cold. When he looked down, he saw the red lightsaber poking through the space just next to where his heart rested.

He blinked, confused, then raised his head to see Anakin running towards him, but now his vision was shifting, lowering, twisting, and Obi-Wan realized his legs had given out from under him and he hit the ground. It did not hurt. Nothing hurt. He just felt that hazy warmth carrying him away, away...

The next moment he was aware, he was in a soft white void. Light and shadows dappled together to form some sort of depth, but beyond that he could not make out any sort of surroundings. What really struck him was the Force in this space. It was stronger here than he had ever felt before. Stronger than sharing a bond with Anakin, stronger than a group meditation with Master Yoda, stronger than being on Mortis. It was like... like it was the Force.

Then it hit him, and he felt dumb for not realizing sooner. The visage that appeared in front of him only confirmed it.

"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon Jinn said, sounding confused. "This isn't... You're not supposed to be here yet."

"Master," Obi-Wan smiled, a light peace settling inside him. So he was one with the Force now. That was alright, he supposed. It had to happen sooner or later, and if the Force deemed it right that now was his time, who was he to argue?

He told this to Qui-Gon, who continued to look puzzled and slightly off-put.

"No, it wasn't," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan frowned. "Wasn't what?"

"Wasn't the will of the Force," Qui-Gon replied. "This wasn't the will of the Force."

Now it was Obi-Wan's turn to be confused. "Well, I'm here, aren't I?"

Qui-Gon peered at him, looking down as he always did. Even in death, the Force had not corrected their height difference. "Yes. You are."

"So it must have been the will of the Force."

It was then that Qui-Gon took on a face that was dearly familiar to Obi-Wan. It would appear that they were about to depart down the well-treaded path of arguing differing Force philosophy opinions. "Saying that everything happens because of the will of the Force implies that we have no free will."

Obi-Wan obligingly took up the opposing side of the argument. "Does it matter that the choices are preordained if we choose them freely? That is, that we ourselves still feel that we have that choice, and only the Force knows which one we will inevitably pick?"

"Yes," Qui-Gon pressed, brow furrowing together in the way it only did when he was particularly passionate about something. "Because in the end there really was no choice."

"But we believe we have that choice, and isn't that really all that matters?"

Before Qui-Gon could respond, Obi-Wan shook his head and held up his hand. "No, enough. That's not really the point."

"Of course you leave me without a space for rebuttal," Qui-Gon huffed, but smiled. "Regardless, it's good to see you, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan blinked away the tears that had suddenly appeared. "I thought I'd never get to see you again."

"Whyever not?"

"Because this isn't what happens when you die!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "You become one with the Force, not, not," he gestured at Qui-Gon, "this!"

"We are one with the Force right now, are we not?"

Obi-Wan took a breath, then continued. "Yes, but we shouldn't be ourselves still. We should have returned to the endless pool of energy in the universe."

Qui-Gon shrugged. "The sum of the amount of knowledge in the entire universe of what the Force of capable of could fit inside the palm of my hand."

"So the Force allowed you to retain your consciousness?"

Qui-Gon smiled at him. "I thought you said everything that happened was the will of the Force. Why are you questioning this?"

He had to resist the urge to sputter and say because that's not how the Force works! But of course, Qui-Gon was right. They could never hope to possibly understand the Force, and in the end it was folly to try.

"Alright. So what happens now?"

Qui-Gon looked at him. "I suspect you'll wake up soon."

"...Wake up? Wake up where?"

"Back on... Where was it? Cato Neimoidia?"

Obi-Wan nodded, confused. "But I'm one with the Force."

"For the time being, yes, but as I said, this was not the will of the Force."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said things didn't happen because of the will of the Force, Master."

"Ah, so you are deliberately misunderstanding my argument again. What I said was that not everything happens because of the will of the Force. Someday you will understand, my very young Padawan."

"Not as young as I once was," Obi-Wan smiled softly. He had truly missed this, this banter with Qui-Gon. It took a few years after Naboo for him to stop turning to his side and expecting to give or receive some witty riposte. Anakin eventually learned, and that was greatly enjoyable in its own way, but it was never quite the same as it had been with his Master.

Qui-Gon returned his soft smile. "No, not as young as you once were. You've grown into a fine man, Obi-Wan. I'm very proud of you."

Obi-Wan looked down, away, anything to hide the tears that arose upon hearing those words. Words he had dreamt of hearing, once upon a time. Words he'd hoped to hear at his Knighting ceremony. Words he woke up one day realizing he would never be able to receive. But now he had, and it was the most precious gift he could have asked for. But he knew deep down he did not deserve it.

When he had composed himself, he opened his mouth to speak again, but did not raise his head. He was too much of a coward to say this head on. "I fear I have disappointed your teachings, Master."

"Oh?"

"I have been angry, arrogant, judgmental. I have not been mindful of the Living Force as much as I should have been. I did my best in training Anakin as you asked, but sometimes I think I have only passed my flaws onto him too."

"Look at me, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said gently, and Obi-Wan meekly met his eyes. "You are a sentient being. Yes, you have made mistakes, as everyone has. But you have done your best. And you have done well. You are compassionate, and wise, and brave, and resilient, and you have done your best to spread these qualities to everyone around you. And I am proud of you, Padawan."

Obi-Wan huffed out a laugh, because it was the best of the options in front of him to release the emotion welling up inside. "All thanks to you, Master."

"Oh no," Qui-Gon said. "I gave you tools, but it was up to you to decide what to do with them. In the end, Padawans rise and fall on their own merits." He gave Obi-Wan a strange look at that, but it passed so quickly Obi-Wan half thought he might have imagined it. Qui-Gon finished, "And you have risen."

"Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan said, shaking his head slightly. He didn't quite know what to do with all of this, like he wasn't equipped to carry all these kind words with him.

"I just wanted to tell you that before the Force takes you back," Qui-Gon said, folding his arms in his robes. "It will not be long now."

"Will of the Force," Obi-Wan mumbled as he finished composing himself again.

Qui-Gon laughed. "We'll have another chance to argue this. Perhaps sooner than you'd think."

Obi-Wan looked up at him, alarmed. Would he truly be joining the Force again so soon?

"No, not like that," Qui-Gon said. "You'll see."

He was giving Obi-Wan a very particular smile, one that from experience Obi-Wan knew meant he wouldn't be able to pry any answers out of the man. Best to drop the matter.

All of a sudden, something occurred to him. "Will I remember this when I go back?" Would he remember what Qui-Gon had told him?

"No." Qui-Gon's smile turned sad. "It will be like waking up from a dream that grows further and further away the more you try to hold on to it."

Obi-Wan nodded melancholically. It would have been too much to hope for, perhaps. "Then remind me when we see each other again, alright?"

"Of course, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon replied, getting fainter both in voice and appearance. Or perhaps that was Obi-Wan, and not him. "May the Force be with you."

And with you, Obi-Wan tried to say back, but then his ears were ringing with the chaos of battle and his chest was burning something fierce and his eyes were hazily focusing on Anakin's frantic face, and then he could not remember why he had even been wanting to say the words in the first place.

Thanks for reading! Requests are currently closed!

[anakinisvaderisanakin]

Seeds of the Past (aka Ahsoka and Luke FINALLY Meet) Fic

She’d waited too long to approach, long enough to make the encounter more awkward than it had to be. He didn’t know her, and she technically didn’t know him either. But she had to know, she had so many questions. She had to speak to him, to confirm the rumors, to put a face to the name that had haunted her so. She hadn’t given the kid much thought when mentioned in passing, had simply celebrated the fact that another talented young pilot had joined the ranks of the Rebellion. She’d already mostly phased out of the Alliance’s radar at that point. Then, she’d caught wind of his last name.

A Jedi, they said. Rebuilding the order, walking in his father’s footsteps. A kind, good hearted, brave young man. The phrasing sounded eerily close to the way in which she had once heard his father described. His father, the only thing they had in common. As she resolutely strode up to the boy, standing not much taller than herself - a slight build, much like his petite mother - she braced herself. All she saw was the back of a black cloak with its hood down, revealing an unruly mop of dark blonde hair. That, too, brought back memories. She took a deep breath, and opened her mouth.

“Are you Luke Skywalker?”

Ahsoka’s tone was a bit harsher than she would have liked, mostly due to a hoarse nervousness. It spurred a reaction though, as the man immediately turned to face her. Her eyes widened, as a familiar shade of blue stared back at her. The man bore a few distinct battle scars, but his face was youthful, his jaw square, his chin dimpled. His expression was surprised but gentle, sweet in its polite greeting. He raised his eyebrows for a split second, before responding with a shy smile and a nod.

“I am. Can I help you, ma’am?”

His voice was soft, and warm, and welcoming. He spoke with an inherent dignity, carried himself with grace, words slow and deliberate and neatly aligned as he spoke. But all Ahsoka could pay attention to was the fact that he had his father’s features. Anakin Skywalker’s features. Blue eyes, sandy blonde hair, boyishly handsome. Clad in black, muted colours.

But Anakin’s son, Luke, had a sweeter disposition. Luke may look like the splitting image of Anakin, but he bore his mother’s fierce, yet restrained edge. The glow in his eyes was hers, the tilt of his chin. Luke was calm, collected, and his small half smile gave off a curious, yet knowing impression. It suited him, and Ahsoka realized she was blatantly staring. She realized she hadn’t even answered his question in turn.

“No. I mean, yes. It’s complicated. I only wanted to see you in person,” she finally said, her sincere tone earning her a perplexed pout.

“See me? Well, I’m afraid I’m not much to look at,” said Luke, another genuine smile gracing his features and Ahsoka recognized Anakin’s sarcasm, his rambunctious sense of humor in the boy - although Luke’s sarcasm was much more mellow and humble than overtly smarmy.

“You look so much like Anakin,” she blurted out without thinking.

Ahsoka had initially wanted to ease Luke into breaching the subject of his paternal legacy, but found it impossible to restrain herself. His expression conveyed some shock, followed by a forlorn sadness as a sombre sense of understanding came over him. Ahsoka gave him an apologetic look, but sensed no emotional discomfort from the boy. It gave her enough courage to continue.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spring that on you.”

Luke shook his head, still clearly taken aback but his posture was just as inviting as before.

“It’s alright. I’m kind of used to it,” he shrugged and grimaced a bit, then the prevalent curiosity Ahsoka had noticed previously bubbled back up to the surface. “You knew my father?”

“I did, many years ago.”

Ahsoka hoped it came off right. She’d sometimes found herself questioning whether she ever truly knew Anakin at all. The man she had looked up to and admired as an older brother had been jovial, carefree, easy going. Not the sort of man who would fall to the Dark Side, not the sort of man who would committ genocide and murder children. None of the brooding, budding darkness within Anakin that she had come to realize must always have lay dormant.

Anakin had been a perpetual optimist, in her eyes. The Anakin she had seen, the Anakin she had felt but refused to acknowledge until the truth was staring in her right in the face was anything but. Luke had gone to face him and Palpatine alone, how had he lived to tell the tale? Luke seemed so pure and innocent, incorruptible even - but so had Anakin.

“He was my master,” Ahsoka added after some deliberation.

Luke nodded, sharing her grieved expression.

“You’re Ahsoka Tano, aren’t you?”

This time it was Ahsoka’s turn to be surprised, and she tilted her head to the side, scrutinizing the boy’s friendly disposition.

“You’ve heard of me?”

“Just a bit. Father has… spoken of you. Not much, but enough for me to know who you are and what you meant to him,” Luke admitted, and his expression mirrored the apologetic look Ahsoka had shot him earlier. “You and Obi-Wan were such important parts of his life.”

Still visibly sad, there was a jagged edge to Luke’s Force signature upon being reminded of his father’s legacy and the monster he had become - the monster who was thankfully remembered as a separate entity in the wake of his death. Ahsoka furrowed her brow, not understanding what Luke was hinting at, but she accepted it for now. Somewhere deep inside, the knowledge that Anakin had spoken fondly of her and Obi-Wan even whilst overtaken by darkness soothed her. In her youth, Ahsoka may have found it impossible to bide her time and patiently wait for Luke to open up, but now, a kinship needed to be established first hand. She wanted to learn more about Luke, where he had been all this time, and she could sense he wanted to find out what her past held as well.

“I… have so many questions for you, Luke. And hopefully some answers to the questions you wish to ask me, in turn,” she said, almost amused by how similar to Obi-Wan her phrasing came off.

Luke appeared to catch the same vibe, as the corner of his lips twisted slightly upwards. He looked bashful, almost, like a small child. Then again, he was barely more than a child. When Ahsoka was his age, she had already seen war and death for one lifetime - and it was only the beginning. It pained her to know Luke may be dealing with a similarly difficult burden.

“I’m certain you’re right, Ahsoka. Can I call you that?”

Luke’s eyes were questioning her with a hopeful yet timid reverence.

“Yes, of course,” was all she could reply, offering him a warm smile as she reached out by habit and squeezed his shoulder for encouragement.

“In that case, let us talk about it,” Luke said as soon as he was given the go ahead, and Ahsoka could do nothing but agree with the statement.

---------------

Because we all want this to happen in canon, and I can't wait for the moment when it eventually does. I imagine it might go a bit like this, when Ahsoka and Luke finally do get to share the screen together and discuss Anakin's impact on their lives past and present.

Ao3 link below:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31695377 

[kernelmeow]

Fictober Day #3

For Kyber <3

Title: This Moment

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: Obikin

Fate, it seems, had not been kind to them.

The fumes of Mustafar are toxic. They choke his lungs, curdle his stomach, and pollute his mind with a sickness that he shakes his head to relieve with no avail. Every move is laboured, every swing of his lightsaber costing a reserve of stamina he can’t spare. Yet the fate of the galaxy was at stake, and if it meant peace in the wake of violence and suffering that had already been wrought, what would be his toll? For Obi-Wan had been consecrated by Yoda himself as the harbinger of peace.

He back-flips and lands on unsteady feet. They can’t keep this up, he acknowledges gravely. Even Anakin suffers from the scorching heat. He breathes like a man starved of air, harsh and strained. But he will fight until he collapses, Obi-Wan knows, or until he bests his foe.

Anakin follows after him, leaping from the hover-board. His intent clear, his eyes ablaze with yellow wrath. His uncorrupted lightsaber spins rapidly, the movement almost making Obi-Wan dizzy.  But he senses it. This is where fate would be decided. He asks himself what will be the price of his choice?

Obi-Wan breaths in the force and invites his fate.

With a flash of blue they are united. Bound as a singularity of passion and pain and longing.

Confusion replaces viciousness as Anakin registers the finality of the act. He stalls, lost for what follows next and Obi-Wan welcomes the interlude to study his face. Even now when darkness distorts his fair features, he considers Anakin beautiful. Radiant. A foolish thing to think at such a time.

In a moment of clarity, Anakin extinguishes his blade, and Obi-Wan gasps. Then he’s falling. He expects to meet the ground, only to be enveloped in a familiar embrace and lowered with such care.

Anakin.

The molten hue and smoke are blocked from view, instead his sky is a series of emotions fighting to dominate the other.

“Why,” Anakin croaks.

“No answer I have would you accept readily, Padawan.” The term of endearment full of affection and sadness. “Instead, we have this moment.”

“No. Not this. Not like this.” Anakin shakes his head and grips the fallen Jedi tighter. “You were supposed to fight me--”

“-- and there would be no winner no matter how it played out. It is better this way.”

Anakin’s face contorts, ugly, and he turns away, his tangled curls brushing Obi-Wan’s nose.

“Damn you, Obi-Wan.” 

He braves the risk and cups Anakin’s cheek, a gesture long since regarded too personal for his now grown Padawan. Yet, Anakin accepts it eagerly, inclining into the touch, and for a moment he resembles the boy he met eons ago on that desolate planet. 

“Oh, Anakin.” The Sith turns back to him, eyes swimming. “You must go,” he says, and is surprised how his words are reduced to a whisper.

He’s out of time. They’re out of time.

“No. I won’t leave you, Master.” And in an instant the seven year old boy he meet on Tatooine is holding him, and Obi-Wan almost weeps.

“You could never,” Obi-Wan assures. He would touch that sweet face one more time, but alas he’s expended all he has left. “I will be with you always, my Padawan.”

Anakin raises a shaky hand only for light to slip through his fingers.

.

.

“What have I done.”

[ilonga]

new fic!

ao3

"Haven't you heard? Master Skywalker's out in the Gardens!" 

The whispers start in Jula's Navigation class, jumping from padawan to padawan until everyone in the class has heard it at least three times. Apparently Leshi had heard it from Isde, who heard it from Aalani, who heard it from a padawan in saber class who heard it from a padawan who had just gone meditating. 

"Psst!" Leshi elbows her, whispering under her breath. "Can you believe it? We might be able to see Master Skywalker!"

Jula doesn't think anyone in the class has actually ever seen the man before—even if the Temple wasn't as large as it was, apparently the war hero is notorious for rarely leaving his quarters. Not like Master Yoda, who's always around the younglings, or Master Windu, who both Jula and Leshi have caught glimpses of every now and then.

"Only if class finishes quickly enough," Jula whispers back, "and only if we're quiet about it. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be if he realizes a bunch of padawans invaded the gardens just to stare at him?"

Leshi bites down on her lip— "Good point." —and the teacher heads over to shush them. "Those star charts better be perfect if you two have the time to stand around and gossip."

"Of course, Master, sorry, Master," they mumble, and turn back to the work at hand, even as the other padawans continue to whisper.

A couple minutes later, Leshi leans over again. "But we're totally going to the gardens after this, right?"

"Totally." Jula says with a grin.

* * * * *

"Master!" Jula rushes into her quarters after the endless-seeming Navigation class, slamming the door open with a thud. "Master, all of the padawans are medidating in the Gardens today after classes, can we go too? Please?"

Master Katooni startles and drops the tea cup she's holding, snatching it up with the force before it can hit the ground. "Peace, padawan." she grumbles, bending down to wipe up the spilled tea. "And you owe that door an apology."

"Sorry, door." Jula mutters, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. "So, can we go?"

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the rumors I've been hearing, would it?" her Master says, placing the tea cup back on the table. "About Master Skywalker leaving his rooms for the first time in years?"

"In years? Really?"

Master Katooni laughs. "That was an exaggeration, Jula. I don't think anyone could survive trapped in a room for years on end."

"Oh. Anyways, can we please go? All the padawans will be there, and Leshi and her Master too!"

Katooni grins at her and grabs her robes "How could I ever say no to making you do more meditation?"

"Yes!" Jula shouts then quickly backpedals. "Uh, I mean—thank you, Master."

Master Katooni just laughs.

* * * * *

When they enter the gardens, they make for her master's favorite spot by the featherferns, dropping to sit crosslegged by one of the fountains. Jula spots Leshi and her master a couple fountains over, and a couple other padawans from her class chatting, meditating, or pretending to meditate while sneaking glances across the gardens. Leshi gives her a little wave and a grin.

"Now," Master Katooni says, closing her eyes, "open yourself to the Force; release your worries, your doubts. . . "

She lets herself fall into an easy breathing pattern, arms loose and hands folded in her lap. Jula, for her part, breathes in tandem with her, but soon she remembers the real reason she and the other padawans were so adamant on coming today—Master Skywalker.

She turns to look for him, not even bothering to disguise her curiosity. There! He's at the edge of the uneti tree, eyes closed and deep in some sort of meditation. He's human, so his hair is turning silver-y—she tries to imagine Leshi with silver hair and shudders—and he has a jagged scar running down one eye. 

"I sense that you're distracted, padawan." Katooni says, and Jula jumps. 

"Sorry, Master."

She opens herself to the force, and tries to float above it all, letting the room's various presences flow through her. That's Leshi's joyous figure, and some of the other padawans from Navigation, and there's her former crechemaster, and there's the Knights from saber class, and there's—a deep, deep sorrow. 

Is that Master Skywalker?

Jula opens her eyes.

"Master?" she says, tugging on Katooni's sleeve. She opens her eyes and gives her a quizzical glance. "I—it's just—"

"Ask, padawan."

"He seems. . . sad." Jula says, gazing at Master Skywalker from across the gardens. Master Katooni follows her gaze and a glint of understanding passes her eyes. "Why is he so sad, Master?"

"Ah," Master Katooni clicks her tongue softly. "How much do you know about the end of the Clone Wars, padawan?"

Jula frowns. "Only what we learned in class. The Jedi Council discovered that Chancellor Palpatine was a Sith Lord, and Master Skywalker, Master Windu, and. . . some others managed to defeat him." She looks up at Master Katooni. "I don't remember all of them. But the Separatists surrendered after that, right?"

"Yes." her Master says, folding her hands in her lap. "One of the Masters in the battle was Skywalker's Master, Obi-wan Kenobi. He was killed by Sidious."

Oh. Jula thinks with a pang. She doesn't know what she'd do if she ever lost Master Katooni. She can't imagine a life without her warm wisdom and teasing laughs. "Many Jedi lost their masters in the war, right?"

Katooni nods with a faraway gaze. "That wasn't all for Skywalker, though. Only a few days later, Senator Padme Amidala died in childbirth. He lost his master, wife, and child all in the same week."

"Wife?" Jula claps a hand over her mouth. She hadn't meant to shout. She sneaks a glance over at Master Skywalker, at the far end of the Gardens—thank the force sound doesn't carry too far in the courtyards.

"It was a big scandal at the time," her Master says, gazing off into the distance, "But after the way that battle ended, and after Senator Amidala and the child were lost. . . well, there wasn't really anywhere else for him to go."

"Oh," she says softly. "That is sad." She turns away from him and back to her Master and suddenly she wonders. "Did you know him?"

Master Katooni puts a finger to her chin and slowly shakes her head. "I don't remember if we ever met. His padawan saved my life though, once. Me and a whole host of younglings, on our first trip to Ilum."

"He had a padawan?" She tries to imagine being apprenticed to the Chosen One—the sheer pressure sounds exhausting. Although she supposes that sort of thing hardly would have mattered, in wartime. Everyone would have just been trying to stay alive. "Who?"

"You wouldn't have heard of her, padawan." Katooni smooths a hand over her lekku. "Her name was Ahsoka Tano. She left the Order about a year before the end of the war. She was very brave, though. Kind, and clever. I imagine you would have liked her very much."

Ahsoka Tano. Jula turns the name over in her head. It's a very pretty name, she decides. Kind of badass. From her master's description it sounds like Padawan Tano was definitely badass. She wonders vaguely why she left. Probably something to do with the war.

"Hey," she says impulsively, glancing downwards. "Master. Do you think Master Skywalker would like a featherfern?"

"Like. . . a featherfern?" Her Master raises an eyebrow. "You want to give him a flower?"

"Um." Suddenly Jula feels quite embarrassed. "Maybe? I don't know, it always makes me feel better when you bring us flowers for our quarters."

"Padawan." Katooni puts a hand on her shoulder. "I think it sounds like a lovely idea."

So she picks a featherfern, and heads over to the other side of the greenery, stepping carefully around stray roots and branches. She comes to a stop in front of Master Skywalker, who's still meditating with his eyes closed and face taut. 

"Um," she says, trying not to lose her nerve. "Master Skywalker?"

The Jedi in question blinks opens his eyes blearily and focuses on her in surprise. He opens his mouth to speak—to ask what she's doing here, maybe, or maybe even tell her to leave him alone—but she beats him to it.

"You seemed kind of lonely," she says matter-of-factly, "so I brought you a featherfern. They're my Master's favorite type of flower."

"Oh." says Master Skywalker in surprise. His voice sounds sort of croaky—Jula imagines he doesn't really talk much. There's a long pause. He looks up at her, then down at the flower, then up at her again. "Thank you, padawan."

"You should come to the gardens more." Jula says impulsively, then wishes she could take the words back. Ugh, she sounds so stupid. 

"Really?" he says. She's relieved to find that he seems amused more than anything. "And why's that, young one?"

"It's nice here!" she says defensively. How anyone would need a reason to come to the Room of A Thousand Fountains is beyond her. ". . . I guess if you don't want to, you could always just keep the featherfern in your room. They're very resilient, you know."

"I didn't know that." he says, and gives her a small smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." she says. 

They exchange a few more awkward words before she excuses herself and heads back, leaving Master Skywalker to his meditation. He seems a little. . . less sad now, she thinks. Or maybe she's just being too hopeful.

Still, as she's heading back to her master, she imagines the force feels a little bit lighter. 

Behind her, a featherfern blooms.

[icannotweave]

star wars for blorbo game! (just the whole dang extended universe go nuts lol)

lmfao thx so much friend 😂😂😂

cracks knuckles let's fuckin' goooo....

~

my blorbo: I mean, obi-wan kenobi was one of my first crushes and he's a sad, gay little man trying so hard to be normal, he's so repressed, he's so tired, his ideology is incompatible with his conscience, he's a longsuffering monk who's also a teen dad who's also a child prodigy who's also emotionally stunted he's also an asshole he's also overly polite, please send help. I'm obsessed with him and his unique brand of Repressed Martyrdom and I don't wanna fix him it's much more fun to study him and coo over his suffering

my scrunkly: finn, my beloved, the light of my life, he's been through so much and he's Kind! he's Brave! he's awkward and earnest and sweet and he deserves nothing but joy for the rest of his life and frankly, it wouldn't be enough. I see him and I go all warm and happy. he's so fucking precious and I would kill for him. he's shaped like a hero. he's shaped like a FRIEND. he was robbed and I would kill for his honor. his archetype is SO MY TYPE and I am filled with impotent rage whenever I recall how butchered his arc was but he's still my love and the best.

(luke and rey are both very close but finn is just So Shaped to me.)

my scrimblo bimblo: you know what?? padme motherfucking amidala doesn't get anywhere near enough analysis or appreciation!! I'll say it!!! her whole concept went off, her aesthetics went off, her being - to quote @dykerory - bug-fuck crazy in A Tame Way is fascinating. she's got such delusions of grandeur, she's got a good heart and objectively decent set of ethics but ya girl's worldview is so flawed in such a juicy way?!? she's such a fucking neolib and her husband is a bit of a totalitarian and you know what! that tracks! she's just so unique in this universe as a politician and Lucas does nothing with her glorious potential. sexism sucks. anyway, @amidalis converted me to be a padmeapologist and I've never known peace since.

glup shitto: ironically, for all that this franchise spawned the glup shitto type, I don't think one exists for me as strongly as for some. I will say that baze & chirrut don't get nearly enough attention and love, they're such an iconic pair of husbands, soulmates, tropes subverted and delightfully lived into at the same time. them as a couple should be all anyone's talking about, frankly, and it wouldn't be enough love. gosh, they're so good.

I must say though, whenever I get even a hint of ahsoka 'the goat' tano in any star wars media that isn't tcw, I start crying and shaking, my BELOVED. she's not really underrated though from my perspective so maybe it doesn't count but wow, I Stan her so hard. the growth!!! the arc!! an icon!!

poor little meow meow: real talk, could this be anyone BUT anakin motherfucking skywalker??? (tbf he is kinda everyone's meow meow, I'm not original, but choosing anyone else would be a filthy lie) my man has objectively been complicit in multiple atrocities and he has a pretty face. I wanna send him to therapy. I wanna punch him in the dick. I wanna study him under a microscope. he's the worst. he's my baby. he did nothing wrong. he's objectively a war criminal. he's a frankenstein monster-victim and I would give him a cup of coco and, again, so much fucking therapy holy shit

horse plinko: as a professional whump writer, I would hurt any character for any reason, so this isn't super fair but my most Hurtable character? poe dameron, quite honestly!! I just wanna make him suffer emotionally and physically. pile on more angst, the man can take it!! he's so snarky and brave and noble and Pretty and also fucking exhausted, those are the most fun to break hehehehehe. I adore him so much and he was VERY much my blorbo when 'the force awakens' hit theaters. also, bohdi rook looks so tired, he's trying his best, let him sleep I wanna see him cry

eeby deeby: once again, could this be anyone but kylo ren?? he's literally so boring. he's! so! dull! it's so fucking funny he's a shitty fanboy of Vader lmfao cause he could never. he's the dudebro who idolizes vader and doesn't know he's interesting cause of anakin. he's not even charismatic like tarkin or a garbage fire like krennic or hilariously pathetic like hux. he's just this unbearably dull little spoiled egoist whose most interesting trait is that he's a shockingly apt meta-analysis of toxic fanboy culture and unwitting commentary on the resurgence of young white male fascists. but he? himself? YAWN. I wouldn't even hate him so much less - cause, again, (scott pilgrim voice) boring - except that his existence stealing space from finn boils my fucking blood.

~

@yakuzadog I beg you to send me more fandoms cause this was incredible 😍😂😍😂😍

questions from this ask game

[jasontoddiefor]

Anakin/Vader, time travel, emperor Vader, possessive behavior, hurt Anakin Skywalker

Anon, I need you to know that you’re too powerful:

He looked like Padmé.

Anakin couldn’t believe that out of the hundred thousand different thoughts rushing through his head right now, his mind had to latch onto that one. The boy’s eyes were his, or at least similar enough to his on the good days. He didn’t have too many of those nowadays, but today had been one. Bright blue, light as the sky Anakin saw so seldomly anymore. His nose and cheeks were as round as Padmé’s, soft and kind, even when he looked like a warrior.

Like a Jedi.

The boy’s training had been limited and Anakin mourned the fact that he hadn’t been able to teach and guide him, that he hadn’t ever been able to run his fingers through his hair and wave the strands to a Padawan braid.

“You are Luke,” Anakin said. He knew right off the bat that this was his son despite never having seen a holo of him.

Vader had been trying to use knowledge of their child against him to make Anakin more willing to go along with his schemes. Anakin had been promised recordings, information about his possible whereabouts, and again, more holos. He had resisted until now, but he didn’t think he’d be able to deny Vader again now that he had seen Luke.

He was perfect.

All Anakin had ever imagined of a child born to him and Padmé.

“Yes,” Luke replied. “I- We’re here to rescue you.”

His eyes drifted away from Anakin’s face only once, down to the bruises around his neck, on his hips. Dressed in soft silk, Anakin knew that he didn’t look much like the Jedi that Luke had probably expected or at least hoped to find. It hurt him to have disappointed the boy not only this once but twice. Where once he had been glad when Vader told him that Obi-Wan had stolen their child, now he was almost angry at his old Master. He should have told Luke the truth so he wouldn’t have to be devasted learning his father had turned into a monster or-

Well.

There were a lot of words for what exactly Anakin was and none of them fit quite well.

“How did you get here past the guards?” Anakin asked his child.

He was only a few years older than Luke. Sometimes he couldn’t quite believe how much time had passed since the Force had dropped him right in front of Vader. Often enough, he felt close enough to his past, the Clone Wars, the Jedi-

And then there were moments like this where he felt so grounded in the present, the darkness, that it hurt. He tried to stay calm. He didn’t want to chase Luke away when his eyes flickered. The last thing he needed was learning how weak any iteration of his father truly was.

“We have a mole in the guards. They helped us out,” Luke answered quickly. “We don’t have much time, Vader is currently out, but he’ll return soon.”

Despite the anxiety Luke was feeling, he was much calmer than anyone else in his situation would be. He had come to rescue Anakin despite having no real reason to. He didn’t need Anakin and yet he had staged this undertaking.

Luke was smart and brilliant and Anakin found that he agreed with his mirror image.

Luke would make a great Emperor someday.

“I can’t leave,” Anakin said, shaking his head. “We are connected.”

So much more than anyone could ever possibly understand, not even their child.

“You don’t have to stay with him. Nobody- nobody else knows. They think he just held you capture for years, kept you young through some Force techniques. Nobody would have to know of his identity. You could help us fight back. Rebuild the Republic, the Jedi.”

Luke spoke with growing desperation. His heart was so big and he cared so much for a man he had only ever talked to in his dreams. Anakin swung his legs over the side of the bed, chains clinging against one another. While he had hated them at first, he had grown used to them. They were almost a comfort, grounding. Since the shackles had been replaced with something much kinder to his skin, they also didn’t irritate his ankles anymore and Anakin didn’t have to watch for injuries.

He walked over to Luke, who watched him with wide eyes. Ever so gently, Anakin put a hand on his cheek. It was the first time in years that he had touched another living being that wasn’t Vader. It was so much warmer than he remembered.

“I’m so sorry, Luke,” Anakin whispered. “You shouldn’t have come.”

“What, what are you talking about-“

Anakin only smiled sadly when suddenly the temperature of the room dropped. Luke‘s head whipped around, finding the dark shadow that loomed over both their fates. Anakin used to spit curses at Vader, ridicule the added height of his prosthetics, but even he couldn’t deny their effect. Vader towered over most people in any room, now over them both.

Luke didn’t waste any time. His eyes darted from Vader to Anakin, then he quickly turned on his lightsaber, a bright green blade, and cut through Anakin’s chains.

“Run!” he ordered. “I will hold him off.”

His dear, foolish, brave son.

“Oh, Luke,” Anakin just said. “There is no use in fighting.”

He had learned that long ago when he had decided to kneel in front of his Emperor, not even glancing at the beheaded body of his former Mentor.

“I- I don’t understand,” Luke said, terror still running through his mind, freezing him and urging him to move at the same time.

“You will in the future, my son,” Vader said. His voice was dark, low, so very different from Anakin. In moments like this, it was almost possible for Anakin to pretend that they weren’t the same person, that they hadn’t been born in the desert in the dead of night.

“Well done, Anakin,” Vader praised him and called him closer across their bond. Anakin didn’t hesitate to walk over to his other half, leaned into Vader’s touch when his other half tilted his chin up, gold meeting blue, dominating it until, eventually, the gold overtook him.

This was never a question of Anakin’s strength, merely of his devotion.

Good, Vader purred. All mine. Our son will do well, so eager to protect.

Anakin exhaled.

“It’s over, Luke,” he told their son. Vader’s hand resided low on his back, promise and threat all the same. Anakin didn’t know what it even said about himself anymore that he would rather their son disappear into his quarters now so that Anakin could welcome his other half back.

Luke’s eyes widened in horror.

“You can stop fighting now.” Anakin couldn’t see any disgust, only sadness, determination too, perhaps.

And Anakin was so, so sorry.

He knew what the Rebels were telling each other, of course. Anakin’s appearance had been sudden, Vader’s coup entirely unexpected at that point and the manner by which Vader had presented Anakin to the Imperial Court after spoke miles about their relationship.

His Imperial Consort, Knight Skywalker.

“I’m sorry,” Anakin apologized again.

He stepped closer to Luke, carefully reached for his trembling hands, well aware Vader would keep their son from hurting him. Anakin deactivated Luke’s lightsaber and clipped it to the chains wrapped around his waist. They weren’t meant to hold a weapon, but they did well enough. Anakin hadn’t held a lightsaber since they had killed Sidious together and he was keenly aware of Vader’s eyes on him, his mind in him.

Anakin had a chance.

He didn’t take it.

“Just accept it,” he told Luke and pulled his son, suddenly feeling so much older, into his arms as they slowly sunk to the ground. “All will be well.”

Vader would ensure it.

[katierosefun]

Just got “Sad Dad (honorary)” on your latest quiz (so many kudos for those quizzes btw they seriously give me life) and am very proud of being an (honorary) Sad Dad but now I am Very Curious™️ what the “Sad Dad (disaster)” result description was. Din Djarin immediately comes to mind. I guess I’m just glad I haven’t been marked as a disaster (yet lol).

aaaaah i’m glad you enjoy the quizzes, because i certainly enjoy making them!! 

and while i’m at it, i think i’ll just list all the options that you could have gotten, including sad dad (disaster)!!! (and lol yes, din djarin was.....def. sad dad (disaster) in my head sdafdsf) 

sad dad (disaster): dude. you're probably right up there in the ranks with characters like din djarin and lowkey kanan jarrus. as in, you've got a lot of stuff on your plate already, and you're just doing your best. you put on a brave face and you're kind of awkward, but you've got a heart of gold and just wanna make sure everyone's okay and protected. you're doing your very best, and i see you. love you, sad soul. people love you too.

sad dad (honorary): you probably vibe with characters like plo koon and obi-wan kenobi, as in,,,you're just dad shaped. kids love you a lot for some reason, but that's okay, because you love kids too. you're very soft and gentle, and you're a big fan of giving love and comfort when needed. sometimes it feels like you're the only one ever giving love or comfort or hope or whatever it is people turn to you for--and that can be hard sometimes, because you're human too, and you deserve someone to look out for you every once in a while too. anyways, love you. i'm the one looking out for you today! i hope you get all the love you give returned. have you had something to eat yet? maybe you should take a nap.

GayTM: like it says. you're the certified gay cousin. sabine wren and you would vibe. also luke and poe. they would just vibe with you. you've got a rebellious spirit and there's no one else like you, and not just because GayTM vibes, obviously, but just because you've seen enough of the world and just kinda shrug and go "okay cool but im gonna do my own thing", and that's very cool of you. you probably have excellent fashion and music taste because duh. keep being cool, dude.

spunky child who outlives everyone: you're cool by default because i was thinking of ahsoka tano and ezra bridger when i wrote this answer. you're the kiddo who everyone adopted and there's probably people out there who think you're overrated but they're lame and just saying that to look cool. you're awesome. you're brash and loud and got a lotta things to do and a lotta people to see, so keep doing you. can't wait to see whatever the heck you do later, because i know it's gonna be awesome.

Mom-shaped: ily. you're the best. that's all there's to say. you give great advice (even though your own life can sometimes lowkey be in shambles), but you've got a good head on your shoulders. you're nice to people and you're hella good at planning things, but also you're not afraid to go off the rails a little bit. someone hurts someone close to you, and game's over for them. you also regularly check in on people because, see title: you ARE mom-shaped, but also good mom. solid mom friend who's nice to everyone but also would not be afraid to cut a man. good for you.

chaotic bastard who we mostly love but jury’s still out: simply put, you're the hondo ohnaka of the family. stupid chaotic person who keeps dragging the rest of the family into trouble and may be morally grey but it's fine because you have good stories and tell good jokes and deep, deep, deep, DEEEEEP down care a lot for your family / friends, but god help the world if you ever have to actually ADMIT that ohhh no you just cover everything up with jokes and a good time. that said, MOOD, and i hope you're having a weird, fun, chaotic day, you stupid bastard.

Certified Big Brother: idk whether you're rex or anakin or zeb, but you fit in that category of chaotic big bro who kinda is sometimes dumb but is actually super smart and actually gives good advice despite NOT FOLLOWING IT THEMSELVES. you're very fun to be around, very supportive, would not hesitate to punch someone's lights out if they're bothering your family / friends. kind of a disaster. kind of has a lot of deep down sad stuff, but you're working on it. love you, big bro. you can barge into my room and shout "NERD" at me anytime, and i'll do the same because ily.

[ariainstars]

Ben Solo - A Sad Star Wars Story

Warning: longer post. (And possibly, a few unpopular opinions.)

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For a start: I’m not here to say I like how the sequels ended with Episode IX, in particular the way they handled their protagonist.

It sucked, to say the least.

I am writing this because looking back now, I can hardly imagine how the authors could have wrapped up the sequel trilogy with the happy ending we expected.

Let’s start with that word: happy. Honestly, did anyone want Ben to be “happy” with what Rey has become? I did expect her to fall down the rabbit hole. We repeatedly have witnessed how aggressive and judgmental she is; and by all logic, she had to meet her own Dark Side in order to realize that she has no right to judge the man she first knew as Kylo Ren. The moment I heard Palpatine’s evil laugh in the first trailer, I figured he had come to pursue Rey, not him. Unfortunately, her moment of shock was short and she hardly learned from it; if anything, since Luke sent her right back into the battle. This scene may have been what fanbros expected from Luke, but honestly, it was ridiculous. It did not fit to The Last Jedi’s Luke and it did not do Rey any favor.

And: had Ben emerged victoriously, found his happy ending, how would the title “The Rise of Skywalker” be justified? He is a Skywalker by blood, but in fact he is a Solo.

  Wrapping Up the Saga

The sequels were received with mixed feelings from the start. Fans of old were angry at The Force Awakens since it seemed to say that history was repeating itself; that the heroes or the original trilogy had brought down the Empire but not managed to preserve peace. We saw them separated from one another as they once had been, disillusioned and worn out. Not the mention the wasp’s nest that was raised by The Last Jedi! If the Prequel Trilogy dismantled the illusion that the Jedi were perfect, the Sequel Trilogy definitively does the same with the Skywalker family. Both messages are clear for everyone to see, provided one is ready and willing to see them.

If Star Wars is a tale with a moral - and given its approach and the fact that it was handed over by Lucas to Disney of all studios it is - then the authors are trying since the 80ies to teach our minds to a compassionate approach on both villains and heroes. One of the main reasons why many fans dislike the prequels is that they expected to see the Jedi and Anakin / Vader being cool; they felt let down by witnessing the Jedi’s narrow-mindedness and Anakin’s strong emotionality. The affronted reactions to The Last Jedi were on the same line of thought. The prequels showed that the Jedi were not the good guys, and for the observant viewer this is already clear enough in the original trilogy. But it was only with The Last Jedi that the elephant in the room was finally approached.

Through Rey, The Rise of Skywalker makes clear that wanting to be a Jedi does not entail actual heroism but the conviction of being a hero. And Rey’s dyad in the Force, the tragic figure of Ben Solo, warns about the dangers coming from a child and teenager no one believed in as a person because everybody only saw his powerful potential.

The Jedi’s Failure

Neither Luke nor Anakin nor Rey needed the Jedi in order to become heroes. They already were good-hearted, brave and idealistic when we first met them. The Jedi ways did not make any of them happy; they learned to use their powers and employed them for short-lived “victories”, but they never found lasting peace.

Not a few fans have wondered how Luke Skywalker, who believed in his father despite all, could give up on his nephew that fatal night (even if it was only a moment of panic). Simply put: as strong and mature as he is by the time of Return of the Jedi, Luke suffers from a father trauma, and he desperately wishes for Vader to become Anakin again, his father, who used to be a hero. When he asks Vader to leave and come with him, it is not out of pure idealism but also a personal request. But Luke did not need his nephew. The moment he had at the temple was a personal issue, it had little to do with Ben’s strength in the Force or his status as Luke’s model student: Luke was afraid that Ben would be the end of everything he loved. Luke, Leia and Han were thrown together by a trauma bonding; Ben had no place with them because he hadn’t been through the same.

The actual tragedy in Ben Solo’s life was the bitter realization, over and over, that he was not needed by anyone (except for being abused, e.g. by Snoke). Ben desired Rey even before he had met her because she was powerful but unexperienced, and he hoped to find sense and belonging by protecting and instructing her. No wonder Rey’s rejection in the Throne Room drove him out of his mind with rage: it was another confirmation of what he had experienced all his life - that people can do without him. So he decided, bitterly and sullenly, that he could do without others as well. But over and over, he had to realize that he could not escape his want for connection. He kept hunting for Rey; and he was very conflicted both when it came to his father and his uncle, letting on that he did have an emotional connection with both of them although he didn’t want to accept it.

Ben’s tragedy was that he did not want to be special at all, and that contrarily to his uncle and grandfather he was aware of it. Ben simply wanted to belong somewhere.

It is an intrinsic part of the saga that a hero is never a hero “because he is superior to others for… reasons”: Star Wars does not bow to that cliché. Some people are born with the capacity to tap into the Force, but not all of the saga’s heroes have it. The morally good qualities a person has, the right decisions they make are not inborn but passed on, learned, communicated. In A New Hope Luke was saved by Han, to whom he had offered companionship and set an example by trying to save Leia. In Return of the Jedi Vader was won over by his son’s loyalty and sacrifice. For an average action film hero, this kind of attitude or outcome of his adventures would be unacceptable: a hero is expected to be triumphant, not saved by someone else. And I know enough fans who don’t understand Luke and prefer Han or Vader to him, who are both cooler and more predictable.

In film, where characters need to be introduced to the audience within the scope of minutes, narratives are applied in a way that the general audience gets them quickly. The downside is that this goes at the expense of nuances. Fans don’t like to see Anakin being passionate and stormy because as Darth Vader he was coded as brutal but cool; they don’t get Obi-Wan’s many mistakes because he was coded as a hero, or Yoda’s arrogance due to his status as a wise old mentor. The sequels brought this dichotomy to a new level coding Rey as the heroine although she has a bad attitude and comes from bad blood, and Ben Solo as the villain when his attitude is conflicted at worst, and who is the offspring of the original story’s heroes. The difference lies in their intentions - hers are good, his are bad. This is interesting because it makes us, the audience, question ourselves as to how and why we believe we can tell good from evil.

You could probably say into a megaphone that the Jedi are not the good guys who always win, that the Force is not a superpower belonging only to the Jedi and that there is no simple Dark and Light but that the Force needs balance: some viewers will never get it. I guess everybody feels the saga’s subtext on a subconscious level; but woe betide if someone like Rian Johnson brings it up to the surface for everyone to see.

  Narrative Key

One of the main reasons why The Last Jedi is so divisive is, I think, that its major theme connecting all of the others is communication. While the prequels told much about miscommunication or lack thereof, Episode VIII is packed full of beautiful examples of what happens when people actually manage to communicate; and even when they do not, they learn from their misunderstanding one another (e.g. Poe with Admiral Holdo).

It is a common but major mistake not to question the narrative key to a story. Many Star Wars fans believe the story is simply about the good guys defeating the bad guys, so they overlook the deeper themes of the saga and respond with outrage when the authors try to humanize their heroes, bringing them down from their alleged pedestal. It is e.g. helpful to know Joseph Campbell’s monomyth theory; to consider that a film saga is not the same as a TV show and that therefore if the characters go through changes these must be significant from one instalment to the next due to the time limitations; to watch a few films by Akira Kurosawa, in particular The Hidden Fortress, to understand the significance of a major event seen through different eyes; or consider the prequels’ parallels with legends, classic literature, or the Bible - Lucifer’s fall, Romeo and Juliet, the tales of King Arthur. Star Wars is a conglomeration of many narratives, from Western films to the Japanese to French fairy tales to Greek mythology to Shakespearean drama. Who approaches these films expecting mere “action” is bound to be disappointed. It is understandable, however, that if you are used to certain kinds of stories, you will assume that every story should basically follow the same lines, and you will have difficulties accepting anything that is different, or believe it’s just badly made.

I still remember the (sometimes vicious) quarrels I followed in an online forum a few years ago about a Japanese mecha anime who some fans by hook or crook wanted to fit into the structure of a French novel. Of course, those two narratives don’t fit together: no wonder most of the other fans didn’t accept that kind of interpretation.

The Phantom of the Opera’s film version of 2004 was largely a failure both with regard to quality and audience appreciation because it made a tacky Byronic romance of a story that actually is a mystery thriller, probably expecting that it would be more appealing that way. What the filmmakers accomplished was making the story flat and the characters annoying by stripping them of the drama behind the original story.

Filming Rebecca’s film version from 1940 Hitchcock managed the transition excellently maintaining the storyline of the original novel; but Daphne duMaurier’s book is a coming-of-age story, and who expects a crime thriller may feel irritated by the narrators’ meandering and detailed inner monologue.

Game of Thrones also could not culminate in “all’s well that ends well”. The last season was not well-made, but I think now that was not the whole reason behind the audience’s disappointment. The show always was very crude and included loads of horrific events; even the worst victims of the war, who seemed to have a justification for their actions and seemed well-meaning, at times did terrible things. It would be a misfit to apply a happy ending to a “sex and violence” narrative as with another martial epic, like Aeneid and Iliad. Who waits for happy endings ought to avoid this kind of story from the start. (Yes, I know, I should listen to my own advice - had I imagined how depressing Rogue One is, Star Wars fan or not, I would probably have skipped it.)

Stories of this kind can be dissatisfying because as an audience, we follow our heroes’ adventures, sometimes for years, and we usually want to see them to find their happiness in the end. But in all honesty: we should have imagined.

That is why I think it was naïve to believe that the sequel trilogy would lead Ben to a happy ending with Rey. I have read more than one fanfiction which irritated me at first, until I realized that they were told on the lines of Fifty Shades of Grey, or Pride and Prejudice. That may work well for a fanfiction, but Star Wars is not a mere romance. Even if there was a hint of the overture to Romeo and Juliet during the abduction: couples based on that trope are not destined to end well. I myself was hoping for a happy ending due to the fact that the saga’s rights were in the hands of Disney of all production companies; and giving that the Skywalker family is one of the most famous in pop culture, I was certain they wouldn’t wipe them out. However I was not quite sure how they would do that and make it convincing, and I was wary when it came to the assumption (which many Reylo’s took for granted) that the love between Rey and Ben would be strong enough to save the galaxy and give them a happy ever after.

When a guy is introduced by murdering a defenseless old man, letting an entire village be wiped out with practiced ease, going on with torturing another guy both physically and mentally and climaxing with the horrible crime of patricide, one can hardly expect a happy ever after for him; even less since so very little was explained in terms of his childhood and adolescence. Some viewers identified with Ben Solo and saw his abandonment and abuse issues; many others didn’t, and none of the sequel films really thematized them. That he made peace with his parents and died to save the girl he loved is sufficient for a convincing redemption arc, not to offer him a happy closure.

  The Trope That Comes Closest

There were a lot of speculations with regard to the trope Ben (Kylo) and Rey were actually modelled on. Romeo and Juliet, Hades and Persephone, Pride and Prejudice or Beauty and the Beast, and there were probably more. Rian Johnson is known for loving The Phantom of the Opera more than any other musical. I don’t think that’s coincidental.

- The phantom is disfigured by birth, Ben is extremely powerful by birth; and Ben also gets disfigured by Rey during their duel. (Vader’s sunken, charred face under the mask was, for a long time, how I imagined the phantom unmasked by the way.) - The phantom is highly intelligent and has huge musical talent. Ben was born with a strong power in the Force. - Both wear masks and look much less threatening without them. They also wear a cloak, and black clothes. - The phantom had committed terrible crimes both to protect himself and to punish a world which would not accept him. Sounds familiar? - In the musical we do not get to know how he became a ruthless monster in the first place. Ditto. - The phantom dies (or disappears, in the musical) because only the girl knew that he was lonely and unhappy and that he still had goodness inside him. She had forgiven him, but the rest of the world wouldn’t have believed her or forgiven him.

Both Kylo Ren and the Phantom are creatures who are at the same time terrible and wonderful. The normal world, populated by average people, cannot accept them because they are both too fascinating and too terrifying. In order to find lasting fulfilment, Ben ought to have found back to humanness. The phantom couldn’t due to his disfigurement and his criminal past; and though Ben loses the scar on his face, the Cain’s mark of the patricide he committed, his deed and his former status as Supreme Leader of the First Order never would have been forgotten.

“Yet in his eyes all the sadness of the world Those pleading eyes that both threaten and adore…” Christine in The Phantom of the Opera (on the rooftop)

  Heroes: Dynamic and Static Characters

A general rule of storytelling is differentiating between dynamic and static (also called “impact”) characters. A static character is like an anchor for others: while they live through crises, learning and maturing, this character always remains his old self and always stands for the same values. He may be misunderstood, opposed and belittled, he may lose the battle, but never the war; and after having helped others through their troubles, he usually is on his own. (Cue: cowboy riding into the sunset.)

Superman stands for peace and justice, Jack Sparrow for freedom, Peter Pan for the innocence of childhood, Paddington for faith in people’s goodness. No wonder they are so popular: it is familiar and reassuring to follow the adventures of someone who is always like a rock in a storm. Static characters are in essence childlike, two-dimensional; which is probably why our child self easily gets attached to them and may be outraged at the idea of them changing, or maybe (gasp) being wrong about something.

But George Lucas developed his saga along the lines of personal growth, and by exploring its themes: thankfully, otherwise it would have become as boring and repetitive as so many other franchises. To continue a story you can either make it dynamic, or press the repeat button over and over. The Skywalker men with their strong emotionality may be unusual heroes, but much more interesting than other, “cooler” guys whose actions are more or less foreseeable. So, I can understand the Disney studio’s choices. On the other hand, it is not surprising when fans of old get angry when their supposedly unalterably perfect heroes make mistakes: everybody wants to know that some things (or persons) never change. Even if on the long run, change might be for the better.

I think one of the sequels’ most important messages was that the Skywalker-Organa-Solo family failed their heir precisely because their mindset did not change. Ben grew up in another world than they did; obsolete political structures, dictatorship or rebellions did not matter to him. But his family wanted him to adhere to the ideals that had gotten them through the war against the Empire, discouraging him from searching and finding his own place in the world, a world that now was very different both from the old Republic and the Empire.

Whether a static or dynamic character is more relatable to the audience is a personal matter. Many fans adore Darth Vader, Leia and Han Solo etc. precisely for the fact that basically they always remain their old selves. Padmé also is a favorite, probably due to the fact that she does not change considerably. Anakin changes a lot, which is perceived as a sign of weakness. Some fans may relate more to Luke, who undergoes serious trials and emerges from them stronger and wiser, far away from the greenhorn he was in A New Hope. And yet Luke’s final decision to throw his weapon away before Palpatine is often perceived as weird to this day. It’s not “heroic”.

The outraged fans who ranted at Luke’s portrayal in The Last Jedi did not realize that Luke was doing something both Obi-Wan and Yoda, or the other Jedi for that matter, never had done: he took responsibility for his actions. In this context Ben was the audience’s self-insert, he was as appalled at Luke’s misstep as we were. Such a blow is enough to send someone on a lonely island to meditate about his mistakes for years, convinced that the world is better without him.

But for the action film audience, that is not acceptable. If you have a light sabre and the Force (an alleged superpower), what do you need responsibility for? You can’t do wrong if you’re the hero, right? Luke also was the only character from the original trilogy who underwent character growth, which makes it all the more ironic that the many, many critics who tear the sequels to pieces are fuming at how Luke could be so “defiled”. Luke grew beyond the person he had been in A New Hope; these fans obviously did not. Which is why the studios thought they had to produce The Rise of Skywalker in order to “appease” them and to give them the Luke Skywalker they wanted.

  Where Does the Galaxy Go From Here?

A conversation between my husband and me, about a year before The Rise of Skywalker came out.

Me: “I hope Ben Solo will survive at the end of the trilogy.” Him: “I do hope that, too. But they won’t give him a happy ending.” Me: “Why?” Him: “He killed his own father.”

I hate to admit it, but he was right. I’m not aware what ethics code is under use in the film industry now, but in any case, the horrible crime of patricide was done; even if it was under coercion, the son traumatized by it, and it ultimately brought him back to redemption. You can’t make a patricide, the former right hand and for a time leader of a terrorist organization a hero and give him a happy ending; in particular when you are Disney of all film studios. (Not to mention that he killed Han Solo, a very popular character.) And from exchanges with other viewers I am aware that many do not understand how Ben killed Han under Snoke’s coercion, and the implications that led him to kill Snoke: they believe he simply did it because it’s something an evil, power-hungry person will do.

Ben dying without anyone knowing that he was not a villain at heart and worse, leaving the fates of the galaxy in the hands of a young woman whom we often saw giving in to evil influences again and again within the scope of minutes was a dangerous turn. If he was but “a child in a mask”, Rey is a child who believes to be a Jedi. How is Rey supposed to be a heroine, with the other half of her soul gone? She and Ben fitted together perfectly because she had the good intentions but a violent attitude, while his intentions were bad but his attitude desperately conflicted because inherently good. Rey came from evil blood but was kind-hearted because she believed in her parent’s love. Ben was the heir of a family of heroes but did not feel loved by them, which made him lonely and bitter. What good is Rey on her own, even more so when at the end of Episode IX she deliberately leaves her friends and goes to a literal desert? The little girl inside of her is still starving for connection, and neither being a Jedi nor a “Skywalker” will appease her. She had to meet Luke to realize that he was a good man but still just a man; a lesson she didn’t quite internalize yet. The sequel trilogy wasn’t her story because her personality hardly developed. It was Ben who went through hell and back.

Films (and film sagas) have a determined length and as a film studio you need time to explore all themes, which in Star Wars are quite complex. The worst mistake I found with Episode IX was that it broke the Campbellian monomyth in favor of a Marvel type B-movie to appease the fans of old who had hated The Last Jedi. Which is understandable from their point of view, but went at the expense of quality. The Rise of Skywalker may have quenched the fire a little, but as a film, it’s frankly forgettable, and compared to the other films from the saga, I doubt that it will age well. Had the sequel trilogy continued Rian Johnson’s approach instead of putting a band-aid on The Last Jedi, it would have been good enough to make a cultural impact the way the classics did. If the sequel trilogy was meant to follow The Hero’s Journey, no one completed it: Ben died and Rey went into exile, and no one brought any kind of elixir or salvation into the world.

All of this is not to say that I have grown to like The Rise of Skywalker and that I am not disappointed about the ending, or no longer sad about Ben Solo’s death. I hope that the next trilogy will give him a second chance: I am still convinced that his ultimate fate should have been to bring lasting Balance to the Force. If I am wrong and his existence practically cancelled the past without improving anything, the whole saga loses its sense. I think that by now he atoned more than enough for his sins.

When I learned that Rian Johnson had negotiated his own trilogy after The Last Jedi, I remember wondering what it would be about. After all, almost everything had been said about the Skywalker saga, hadn’t it?

It hadn’t. I had naively assumed that like with Episodes III and VI, the final revelations were preserved for Episode IX. By now it seems to me like The Rise of Skywalker is meant as an appetizer for the next sequel. It can’t be that the studios unlearned how to make good films in so short a time after The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, also considering that everything else they made about Star Wars in between (Rogue One, Solo, The Mandalorian) is solid work and not by a long shot as flat as Episode IX.

The studios assuredly will keep their secrets as long as they can. The Mandalorian was met with huge expectations, yet nobody knew about Baby Yoda before the first episode was aired. Due to their depth and love for details, Star Wars films can be watched and discussed over and over, and the message regarding the necessity of Balance is still widely unknown or not accepted by the fans. If this is supposed to be not only an entertaining but also an educational tale, authors must give new fans room to get to know the saga, and old fans time to let the new ideas sink in. Lucas and his collaborators have taken decades trying to teach us that morals are not black and white. But still when The Last Jedi came out, the message was utterly hated.

Whatever Johnson’s trilogy will be about, it can’t be a part of the Skywalker saga any more: they are all dead. Even if Ben is brought back somehow, he is a Solo, so this time it would be the story of his own family. The Skywalker saga was basically Anakin’s, and by reconciling with a Palpatine and giving his life to save the woman he loved his grandson ultimately made up for his sins. The Last Jedi was a bold move; but what are “bold moves” supposed to be good for if they are not followed through? Apart from the fact that the sequels weren’t even exactly bold but drawing sums from what we already could see in original trilogy and prequels about the Jedi and the old Republic.

  Family Is the Key

Star Wars is a family tale. It is for families and it is about families. One of the most frustrating things about The Rise of Skywalker was, for me, that the “new” heroes didn’t make any kind of home or family of their own; and a Star Wars film or series never works without a father figure at its heart. I am sure Ben Solo was ultimately meant to be a father figure; the sequels couldn’t work without even giving him the chance to be one. Anakin and Luke both founded a family - one through marriage, the other befriending many different people. The third generation did not even get a chance either way.

“I believe that you are redeemed by your children.” George Lucas

In Star Wars, children always have to pay for their parent’s sins, and only they can make them atone. Which makes it all the more tragic that Ben is not a father; by this logic, only his child could have saved him, or an adopted one. On seeing the enslaved children of Canto Bight, of whom one is Force-sensitive, I was convinced that the sequels would be the children’s trilogy. (I might have accepted Ben dying had he saved and left them with Rey, who also is an abandoned child and so would have found a meaningful task.)

What the galaxy needs most are not heroes but people. Heroes exist to save desperate situations; lasting peace can only be made by normal people. With Luke becoming a hero in the original trilogy and Anakin a villain in the prequels, I was expecting Ben to find back to humanness. Since we have another trilogy to look forward to, I do still hope Ben will get another chance and this time he will find his happiness; but I also believe that he will have a long way to go before that. By the end of The Rise of Skywalker he is a hero, but in order to be happy he would need to learn how to be fully human, realigning both sides of his personality and healing the gap between them (the way Anakin couldn’t). And you don’t learn how to embrace your humanness quickly after having lost it within the scope of years and years. Ben wanted Rey because she was the only person in the galaxy with whom he could be completely honest. But being human also entails bonding with other people, not only with one’s significant other.

Ben tried to pull off the “bad guy” role and failed because it’s not in his nature. A lot of fans see him as a loser, because whether good or evil, a male protagonist is supposed to be always unfazed. The gentle, nurturing and emphatic personality that comes out in Ben when he is balanced is not that of a warmonger but of a peacekeeper: I see nothing inacceptable or emasculating in that. Unfortunately, who has Luke, Anakin or Han as blueprints for “real” men, won’t accept someone like Ben Solo. I hope that in time, he will be more appreciated, and that his life story will be a warning both for the audience and for the saga itself, i.e. that it is more to the point not to punish a criminal but to prevent him from becoming that way in the first place. Which brings us again to the topic of children and a better way to raise them, Force-sensitive or not.

Rey and Ben both are children with unhealed wounds. Their brief moment of harmony during the Force connection on Ahch-To was so powerful because both were speaking to each other’s inner child: Ben saying to Rey that she was not alone, Rey offering Ben an understanding he had not known before. Padmé also always saw in Anakin the good little boy she had first met; one of the reasons of the unbalance in their relationship was that he felt powerless to do something for her in return.

I think that the sequel trilogy of the Skywalkers wanted to tell us is that even if you save the whole galaxy, it’s not sufficient if afterwards you can’t support and protect your own offspring. When we met Han, Leia and Luke again, their personalities were pretty much as we left them; their mistake in handling Ben can’t have been something they actually did to him, the blunder must lie somewhere in their attitude. All three of them were traumatized by cruelly losing or never having known a healthy family life, so we must assume that after the war against the Empire, they tried to build a new world that would fit to their needs. But if adults build a home, they must do so thinking first and foremost not of themselves but of the ones who need it more than them. Children shape the future, not a victory of “good” over “evil”. And I find it interesting that the codebreaker DJ, who had such a pragmatic view of war, was also someone we met on Canto Bight, like the children. He was a traitor, but as everyone in the saga, even he had a point when he said that ultimately, wars are useless because they always flare up again.

“Good, bad, made-up words. You blow them up today, they blow you up tomorrow.” DJ in The Last Jedi

The last scene of The Last Jedi showed us a Force-sensitive boy sweeping an open space before looking up at the sky and dreaming about being a Jedi. I still believe that this scene’s meaning was “Clear the stage, it’s time for us - the children.”

The Jedi, respectively Force-sensitive creatures, must find new and better ways if they want to be advocates for peace and justice. No institution can claim to have a moral standard if it does not protect, nurture and encourage their most vulnerable and needful members, i.e. the children. Watching the prequels it is shocking to follow how the intelligent, brave and affectionate child Anakin could become the most hated man in the galaxy, crushed in the powerplay between the “good but narrow-minded guys” and the “bad but not always wrong” guys. Both his and his grandson’s dark fate could have been avoided, had it not been for the Jedi mentality based upon the conviction of having the right to destroy everything that does not (or does not seem) to line up with them.

The Star Wars saga told us over and over that power is not what it takes. The Jedi lost the Clone Wars; Vader was a lonely, bitter guy (not to mention Palpatine); Kylo had all the power his grandfather never had and it did him no good. Anakin, Han and Ben all were loved most by their women when they were at their weakest. And this brings me back to what I stated above: stories can be interpreted in different ways, but what about the message the author actually wanted to convey? If I am not getting it all wrong, it’s that compassion and not power is the key to everything good.

Episode VII and IX mirror one another, only VIII hints at a possible balance. Star Wars has a cyclical narrative; Anakin / Vader had his happiest moments and successes in his youth, while his grandson in his own youth hit rock bottom and committed his worst sins. If Kylo Ren’s destiny, as per Adam Driver’s words, is supposed to be the opposite of Darth Vader’s, how can The Rise of Skywalker really be the ultimate ending for him?

  P.S. What do you think, could baby Yoda and Ben meet? Then Obi-Wan and Yoda would be together again in a new way. P.P.S I would also like to see the Force, for once. I’m sure it’s not black and white at all. How about a rainbow? (Does anyone have Rian Johnson’s e-mail…? 😊) P. P.P.S. On the other hand, if the next film starts with Rey being pregnant and not knowing how, I might be sick… ☹

[madeofsplinters]

for the symbols ask, would you mind all of them that you havent yet done for vader? you have very good opinions on him and i would like to hear them

Aw, thank you! Although man that is A LOT of Vader headcanons left to do :D But I like writing random stuff about him, soooo... Sad:

Vader still remembers all the Jedi younglings' names.

Angry/Violent:

I mean, what in Darth Vader's life *isn't* angry/violent? Lol. The particular way that he uses the Dark Side produces a really fucked up feedback loop: he's angry and in various forms of pain all the time, which produces an energy he can channel into violence, which produces self-hate and further pain, which produces more energy. Lather, rinse, repeat.

A lot of Palpatine's work with Vader is simply about managing this loop and adjusting as necessary. Giving him enough outlets for his rage that he doesn't just combust where he stands and start breaking things he isn't supposed to; tormenting him enough, and giving him the tools to self-torment, so that it never quite subsides into peace.

This isn't the only way of using the Dark Side, but it's a common one for Sith warriors; both Maul and Kylo Ren use something similar.

Sex:

Disabled people can, too have sex - it just takes a little more creativity. Vader has plenty of creativity, as well as magic super powers. If he doesn't indulge in such things - which, honestly, in canon he probably doesn't - then it's due to psychological factors: a conservative upbringing and ascetic lifestyle, unresolved grief for his wife, self-hate, depression, not wanting to let anyone in that close, etc.

Anyways if I see one more "BuT hIs DiCk DoEsN't WoRk" post here on Tumblr dot com, as if that body part is all that sex boils down to, I may actually scream.

Living Quarters:

When he's meditating in his stupid lava fortress, Vader senses the Dark Side nexus underneath him as if it's a living being, a kind of elemental lava spirit. Sometimes he talks to it in his head. (Is it "really talking" back to him? Is he just carrying out a strange symbolic drama in his own head? Don't ask - if you don't intuitively understand how a spiritual experience can be both these things at once, then you're not on Darth Vader's level.)

His favorite thing about the lava river is that it isn't Palpatine. Vader of all people knows how destructive lava is, but lava is direct and straightforward. It doesn't lie to him. It doesn't play games on purpose just to jerk him around. It just flows on and burns what's in its path, and there are days when Vader finds that both relatable and soothing.

Romantic:

Vader has a weakness for partners who are older than him, brave, smart, outwardly stable (the insides may vary), have a cute accent and strong negotiation and leadership skills, feed him attention in measured amounts, and are convinced they know better than him about everything. Padmé and Tarkin (and Obi-Wan, for that matter) all fit this type...

Friendship:

I mean, Vader doesn't really have friends, though. He is capable of forming really intense attachments to a few specific people, and tolerating others because of their competence, but anything in between those ends of the spectrum? Doesn't really compute. Vader does not chill or hang out or make pleasant conversation, not a lot of room for friends here.

Even as Anakin, he was a little like this. It was harder to tell, because his social circle was a lot bigger then - there were way more people in the "would die for them" circle, and way more who he went out of his way to be nice to, even if they weren't exactly close. But all of these social relationships involve some kind of power relation. Anakin has masters and fellow generals and an apprentice; he has favorite loyal troops and a favorite droid; he has a Supreme Chancellor who is being very nice to him for some reason. These are all people he works with, or who want something from him; he doesn't really have anyone he hangs out with just for the sake of hanging out with them. Padmé is the closest he gets to that, and even with her, he’s acting out a romantic role in the way that he thinks is expected of him so that he’ll deserve her love. (And doing a bad job of it, because Anakin is awkward, but never mind.)

Anakin has a huge heart and many attachments, don't get me wrong. But I don't think he's ever fully grasped the idea of a social connection that doesn't revolve around one of the people involved being useful to the other.

Quirks/Hobbies:

(I already did a “workshop/tinkering” one, so here’s a “flying” one...)

Vader's special experimental prototype TIE fighter is in constant need of repairs because of how recklessly he flies. It's not even that he crashes into things - it's just wear and tear because you're not actually supposed to yank the throttle that hard every damn time you turn the ship, Lord Vader, seriously how are you not passing out from those g-forces.

Vader is genuinely confused why the techs keep complaining. Podracers are used to having to rebuild their entire pod after every race. By that standard, he's doing great.

Childhood:

Tiny little bb Anakin wasn't actually any angrier than normal, at least by the standards of traumatized child slaves. Like, he was about at par. There were plenty of angrier ones. You couldn't have looked at him, in comparison to the other child slaves doing similar jobs in Mos Espa, and said "oh yeah that one in particular is gonna have anger and attachment issues."

He did stand out from the other kids, though, on account of just being a weird little nerd. He built a whole droid and a racing pod by himself and his master didn't even make him do it! He keeps talking about how he's going to be a Jedi and fly all around the galaxy and save the planet and marry a queen, when everybody knows there are at least three good reasons why that's wrong. He thinks random customers who come into his shop are his new friends! Anakin is just... weird. Off in his own little world. The other local slave kids know not to be too mean to him because he will always help you out in a pinch, and he is really good with machines, but other than that, I dunno, would you wanna hang out with Mr. I’m Gonna Be A Special Jedi?

Shmi sees this dynamic happening, but there's not much she can do, except to give Anakin all the love and reassurance that she wishes he was getting from his peers.

Cooking/Food:

Idk the Wookieepedia says that Vader can eat nutrient paste out of a straw in his mask if he wants to, but he doesn't want to because it tastes awful. So my questions here are (a) considering everything else they have to do, how can the suit's recesses possibly fit enough nutrient paste inside them for Vader's needs, and (b) seriously we're how many years in the future and we can't even make a nutrient paste that tastes good? We haven't even hit on "bland"? For the Emperor's chief enforcer, whose personal care budget is virtually unlimited? Yeah no, I'm calling canon error on this one. He can't eat, or it's too much trouble to get food into him with the other life support, so he's tube-fed. That's my headcanon.

Appearance:

Vader is very muscular. (This isn't really a "head"canon? He's literally played by a bodybuilder? But some fans disagree, so, eh.) He was already tall and strong when he was Anakin, but the suit adds height and it adds a LOT of extra weight that he has to be able to carry around with him literally every time he moves.

His recovery process after Revenge of the Sith involved having to learn how to move again, with new prosthetic limbs and horrifying new chronic injuries, basically from the ground up, and having to do it well enough that he could sword-fight Jedi Masters to the death, and he had to put on a ton of muscle in order to do that.

Palpatine was very strict in the nutrition and exercise regimes he imposed for this purpose. I have a sneaking suspicion that steroids were also involved.

[tennessoui]

obikin and 35 👀

35. One of them is trying to get the other off of drugs

(all below the cut because cw: drugs, though it's framed as anakin's first time using and obi-wan is trying to help him with the come down) (mostly angst and a bit of miscommunication)

Anakin’s never in his entire life seen Obi-Wan this mad at him. Not even when he’d been arrested by the Coruscanti police for crashing his speeder into a public fountain. Not even when he’d been arrested for illegal pod-racing. Not even when he’d been arrested for illegal pod-racing again. Not even when he’d followed Obi-Wan to Utapau, completely ignoring his own orders because he couldn’t let his master fight Grievous alone. What would have happened if Anakin had not been there in the fight against Dooku when the Chancellor had been kidnapped? Obi-Wan would have died. Anakin made sure that didn’t happen. Only Dooku had died, which Obi-Wan hadn’t liked finding out about, but Anakin had been acting on orders.

Sure, a Sith’s orders, but Anakin hadn’t known that then. But it makes sense, looking back on it. Only a person made of pure evil would try to insist on Anakin leaving Obi-Wan behind to die without Anakin beside him. He should have known something was up then, and all the times the Chancellor had said something not nice about his master.

Obi-Wan is so nice! And so pretty. And so kind and brave and strong and smart and fit and handsome and perfect and good.

What was Anakin saying? It’s hard to think in straight lines right now. The room is kind of spinning, or maybe the floor is made of tiny little oceans. Anakin would hate that. Mostly because Obi-Wan can complain for hours when his socks get wet, and he’s already looking angry enough.

Oh! Obi-Wan is mad at him. Oh. Anakin hates when Obi-Wan’s mad at him, especially now that they kiss sometimes, because whenever Obi-Wan is even a little annoyed with him for doing stuff like leaving droid parts on the floor or not washing his dishes or putting his cold toes in between Obi-Wan’s very warm legs when they’re in bed, Obi-Wan holds his kisses hostage until Anakin’s corrected whatever behavior the older man doesn’t like. It’s awful, it’s agony to be denied kisses and cuddles now that he’s had them before.

In Anakin’s opinion, he should get an unlimited amount of kisses and cuddles from his master, whenever he wants them. Maybe that’s an established relationship privilege though. Anakin wants to establish their relationship, but whenever he tries to bring up his serious, very obvious attachment to his master, Obi-Wan changes the subject. Mostly by kissing him, which is very highly effective.

The reminder makes him pout even as Obi-Wan keys in the code to their quarters and the door slides open. Obi-Wan goes straight to the kitchen, doesn’t even check to see if Anakin’s following him in. He hasn’t looked at Anakin once since he found him in the club and got a good look at his eyes.

Anakin feels like crying, curling up into a little ball on the floor and letting the oceans swallow him whole. He’d rather die than live in a world where Obi-Wan hates him. And he definitely hates him. He definitely never wants to be in a relationship with him, probably wants to break their bond and move out, start training another Padawan just so he can forget all about the first one who failed him so terribly.

He doesn’t even realize he’s started crying until a sob breaks its way out of the tightness in his chest. Somehow he’s on the ground, although he doesn’t remember deciding to consciously relocate. He pulls his knees up to his chest and buries his face in them, clutching tightly to himself as he tries not to shake apart.

It had been a normal fight on a bad day, when Anakin already was not thinking clearly. And so he’d excused himself from the silence of their apartments and gone into Coruscant proper, which had led him down to the lower levels, which had led him into a seedy bar. And when someone had offered to sell him deathsticks, his first thought had been how much Obi-Wan would disapprove, followed closely by the thought that it would be rather nice to get out of his head for a bit. He hadn’t thought Obi-Wan would track him down a few hours later, hadn’t thought that Obi-Wan would be so furious at him, enough to snatch him out of the pile of strangers he’d been lying amongst and take him, tight-lipped and silent the entire time, back to the Temple.

There’s footsteps right in front of him and they’re so loud, even though logically Anakin knows it’s just Obi-Wan. He still flinches back. Obi-Wan’s always had the capacity to hurt Anakin the most, but it’s even worse now since they started doing whatever it is they’re doing. Obi-Wan could single-handedly destroy him now. He might be getting ready to do that now.

Anakin raises his head to look up at Obi-Wan, who’s kneeling just in front of him with a glass of water held tightly in one hand. He doesn’t look as mad anymore, but he definitely looks sad.

That’s even worse. Anakin made him sad. He reaches out with his hand to touch Obi-Wan’s frown, but the world gets too unfocused before he can quite get there. Everything had felt light and floaty at the club, like he and everyone else had been weightless entities. Now the same feeling makes him feel nauseous.

He just wants it to stop, just wants this over with. Can't they just get this over with? He never should have done it in the first place, never should have said yes, now everything is wrong and awful and Anakin knows it was a mistake from the beginning.

Obi-Wan flinches back as if he’s been struck. He stands abruptly and turns away, running a shaking hand over his face. “Ah. I understand, dear--Anakin. Anakin.”

Anakin blinks because he doesn’t understand anything anymore. Had he been speaking out loud?

“Would you allow me to…help you to bed?”

Anakin nods because Obi-Wan’s always allowed to help him to bed, especially if he’s going to be staying with him afterwards.

Obi-Wan sets down the cup of water and gently pulls Anakin to his feet. He immediately latches onto the man’s heat, just now realizing how cold he is. Obi-Wan is stiff in his arms, which makes Anakin want to cry again.

He gets deposited on the mattress, but a hand presses against his back before he can lie down.

“Drink this,” Obi-Wan says quietly from somewhere next to him. Or behind him. It’s hard for Anakin to tell right now. The water is pressed to his lips.

“Tastes funny,” he says between sips. Obi-Wan seems instinctively to know just how fast to give it to him. Obi-Wan’s perfect. Obi-Wan deserves so much better.

The thought makes his chest hurt in panic. He presses his face past the glass, into the familiar warmth of his master’s tunics. “Are we gonna stop now?” he slurs. He tries to find the words to articulate himself better, even tries to use the bond, but Obi-Wan’s shields are drawn tight around his mind. Anakin is shut out.

But Obi-Wan’s still here, taking care of him. It’s all very confusing.

“If that’s what you want,” his master says very softly, as if in a great deal of pain. “I would never force you to continue to...be with me in that way. I thought you wanted--but. No, dearest. I mean, no, Anakin. I’ll put in a request for a room transfer tomorrow. You don’t...need to poison yourself with deathsticks to get away from me.”

Tears well up in Anakin’s eyes and he flips around on the bed so he doesn’t have to look at the face of the man who’s breaking his heart. He isn’t strong enough for some things. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. A hand falls onto his hair and gives it a few strokes. Anakin flinches away. There’s no love in the motion. He doesn’t want it.

“Leave, please,” Anakin demands, trying to find solace in his closed eyes and only finding a spinning sense of darkness.

Obi-Wan inhales sharply, but Anakin can feel him get up from the mattress slowly. “We can talk more about this in the morning when you are more yourself.”

Anakin remains stubbornly silent.

“I’ll be just outside if you need me.”

Anakin is trying to make himself believe that he’ll never need Obi-Wan or anyone else ever again. All it gets him is pain.

“Okay,” Obi-Wan breathes out, and then there are steps and then the sounds of the door opening and closing and then Anakin is alone.

[ayo-cowbelly]

Maybe - Captain Rex x Reader

*All POV’s will be female unless requested otherwise*

So.... I’m in the mood for angst. This idea has been in my head for days, and I’ve been listening to a lot of instrumental soundtracks lately, which only fueled this (lots of Across the Stars and Burying the Dead). Eventually I decided to just sit down and write it.  Got pretty into italics with this one. It’s kinda long. Also this is the first time I’ve posted something like this, so I hope you like it :)

Part two can be found here!

Y/n: Your name

Y/l/n: Your last name

masterlist

***

You walked the never-ending halls of the Resolute, a neutral expression on your face. Your mental shields were strong, or as strong as they could be. You weren’t really sure if you were fooling anyone. 

Hopefully you were, because if people (namely, other Jedi) sensed your inner turmoil, things could go horribly wrong; after all, Jedi don’t feel this way. They don’t spend their nights crying silently, hoping that nobody hears. They don’t simultaneously curse and cherish their memories with a particular person. Jedi do not have broken hearts. 

Because a broken heart could mean you broke up with someone. And to do that, it usually means you fell in love. 

And Jedi do not fall in love. 

Except... when they do.

*** 

It started two years ago, when the war had just begun. When you had first stepped foot onto the Venator-class starship that would soon become your home. When you met him.  Your captain, CT-7567. Rex. 

“Hello, Captain.”

“General.” 

“Sorry, do you have a preferred name? Seems we should get to know each other a bit.” 

“It’s Rex, General.” 

“Well, Rex, I look forward to working with you.”

“And I you, Sir.” 

That’s where it all started- and eventually ended.

***

The war was hard on everyone. You watched as the people you knew so well started to- well, change. Anakin seemed angrier, Obi-Wan more stressed, and you… you seemed, for lack of a better word… hollow. The men dying all around you, your order seemingly breaking (you were never meant to be soldiers, yet you lead men who had never known anything else), it felt like you were being crushed on the inside. Yet, you had him. 

He was there. 

Whether it was quiet talks in the night, locked eyes in the briefing room, or a lingered touch in a turbulent LAAT/i, he was there. The war escalated and the world changed and sometimes it felt like your soul was on fire with pain- but he was there, until he wasn’t. 

Eventually it really was too much. The war put a strain on an already fragile relationship (Jedi are not meant to fall in love). The threat of you being caught had always loomed heavily on both your heads. You would be expelled from the only family you’d ever known… and he would be court-martialed, or worse- decommissioned. The thought of the man you loved being cast aside and killed for following his heart plagued you with fear. 

Fear was not the Jedi way.

You started fighting. Little things, that sometimes exploded into larger issues. The survivors’ guilt and the stress of so many battles (you never knew what the next day would bring; could one of your names be added to the list of remembrances? You didn’t know… and didn’t want to, ever) made you both edgy and it was hard to discuss it without conflict. 

Your relationship burned bright for so long until it crumbled. 

“So, that’s it then? A year, and then… we’re just… done?” 

“I think that would be best, Sir.” 

“Don’t! Don’t call me that! Not now! Right now, I’m just Y/n, and you’re just Rex. You and me! What happened to that?” 

“It’s not right, General-” “Stop calling me that!” 

“It’s what you are! You’re the general, and I’m the captain. Jedi and clone. That’s all it ever should have been, and it has to go back to that.” 

You were supposed to be the composed one… but your emotions were spiraling and gripped your heart. “I won’t let it.” 

“You don’t get to decide that, Sir.” 

“Rex, I-” You choked out, but couldn’t finish. You didn’t even know what to say. What would fix it? 

You just watched as he put his helmet back on and left your room quietly. 

With your head in your hands, you tried, really tried, to repress the tears- until you couldn’t. 

***

If your Co-General and Commander noticed your changed demeanor, they were kind enough not to mention it. You and Anakin used to have a game, of sorts, of who could get away with the craziest maneuvers on the battlefield without an injury- whether it be jumping out of a flying LAAT/i, taking on a whole droid squad alone, or grabbing onto a rocket droid like a speeder. You and Ahsoka would team-up and tease Anakin together pretty often around the ship. But that all changed. 

You wouldn’t take on as many droids alone- something Kix was probably happy about. The crazier ideas all came from Anakin, the more “sane” (as the rest of the legion would call it) plans came from you. Ahsoka would poke fun at Anakin while you watched with a forced almost-smile. Actually, that forced content on your face was probably your most common expression these days.

Life took on a grayer hue. 

So, you worked on shielding and repressing, keeping your pain hidden until the dead hours of the night. 

***

Were the hallways smaller, now? It felt like it. Every turn, every corridor, no matter where you went, it felt like he was always there. Somehow, you ran into him everywhere, with a shallow nod and the slightest of glances. 

 2 years. Strangers. Friends. Lovers… Then strangers again. 

It was a cruel cycle. 

***

For a while, you had thought about requesting a battalion to lead alone. At the beginning of the war, you had been assigned to co-lead the 501st due to your familiarity with Anakin- both Crechemates and eventually Padawans with your masters as good friends, you spent a lot of time together growing up. The Council felt it would be good to have their resident loose-cannon lead a legion with another, to make sure he didn’t go too off the rails.

 What the Council hadn’t realized was that yes, while you were the more rational of the pair, you enjoyed Anakin’s crazy plans- most of the time. Sometimes, they really were insane, which was where you stepped in. 

A bonus of being assigned to the same legion was that you met Ahsoka. The young Togruta sometimes felt like your own Padawan, and you adored her. She was endlessly curious and brave, and wise beyond her years. And you grew even more proud of her as she grew up. 

Now, she was older, and more experienced- and as she came into her own, you realized you weren’t always needed anymore. Granted, the missions were sometimes shorter and had more solid planning due to having an extra Jedi General around, but your presence was no longer a necessity. Anakin and Ahsoka would do just fine without you. Besides, leading a legion as large as the 501st meant you had to watch more and more clones be taken with every battle. The longer the war went on, the more recruits there were (who seemed to be getting younger all the time). 

And even though it was selfish, with your own legion you wouldn’t have to be around Him all the time. Maybe it’d be nice, to be away from him; maybe you could heal without the pain of it all filling you when you saw him. Maybe.

You could handle your own battalion. You were capable, and more than ready. You knew this, but didn’t necessarily like it. 

***

Eventually, you reached a decision. It was the last thing you wanted, to leave Him; you loved him fiercely, still. Yet, leaving was what you needed. You had to be at your best to lead the troops, and lately, your best was sloppy. It was time to reign in your emotions and gain control again. 

Of course, nothing was final, but the feeling of something ending echoed around you. 

The last time eating in the mess with the men who almost felt like brothers. 

The last time going through a briefing with your Co-General, watching Admiral Yularen’s face fill with exasperation and irritation as Anakin laid out a daring plan. 

The last time you met His warm Golden-Brown eyes in the halls. 

Your comm chirped, and you ducked into an empty storage closet to take the call. You were met with Masters Yoda and Windu’s holographic forms. 

“Something you wanted to discuss, you had, young Y/l/n?” 

“Yes, Master Yoda.” 

***

A week later, you stood in the briefing room with the usual command crew: Anakin, Ahsoka, Admiral Yularen, and Him. 

Deep breaths, Y/n. In, and out. “I called this meeting because I have some… news, and I thought you should be the first to know.” You glanced around at them, swallowing. “I’ve requested to lead my own battalion- and it’s been granted.” Letting that sink in, you continued: “I’m leaving at 0800 tomorrow morning, in my fighter. I’ll head to Coruscant, where I’ll meet the men, and then we’ll ship out sometime next week.” 

Silence. 

Anakin was the first to speak. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”

“I’m getting my own battalion. I requested it a few days ago.” 

“Why?” You heard the growing anger in your friend’s voice and decided to tread carefully.

“Anakin, you don’t need me here anymore. Ahsoka’s more than qualified to lead the 501st with you, and with the war- there’s more and more troops who need leading, and not enough Jedi to do it. But I can, and I have to; It’s my duty. The Council agreed with me.” 

“Y/n, when did you talk to the Council about this?” 

“A few days ago- but it’s been on my mind for a while.” You said gently. You didn’t meet His eyes, didn’t even look over there; if you did, your resolve would crumble. You just kept your gaze on Anakin, occasionally looking to Ahsoka. She looked surprised, and a bit sad, but understanding. Anakin looked… well, it was wise to be cautious of your tone. 

“Do you know where you’ll ship off to?” Ahsoka asked politely. 

“Not yet, but I’ve heard that it might be Cato Neimodia, or maybe Anaxes. I can’t be sure, though.” You looked down. “I just thought you all should know first.” 

“Well, best of luck, General. It’s been an honor.” Admiral Yularen nodded at you, then went out to the bridge. Eventually, Anakin and Ahsoka left too, the latter guiding her Master with a soft hand on his arm. 

That left you and the Captain. Alone, for the first time in weeks. 

“So… your own battalion. That’s… big news,” He said quietly. “I know you’ll do well.” 

“Thanks, Rex,” You practically whispered. “I’ve enjoyed our time together,” You met his eyes briefly, barely keeping the floodgate of emotions at bay. “I’ll miss working with you.” I love you. I love you more than anything. 

He nodded. “And I you, General.” 

***

You left that next morning, with your men watching from the hangar. His presence, the one you had treasured and held onto like a lifeline... the one that got you through the worst of it all, the one you had loved (and still did, so much), stayed behind, slowly fading from the forefront of your mind. 

It’s for the best. 

Maybe you’d start to heal. 

Maybe. 

Fin.