#PHYSICS PROJECT TOPICS/MATERIALS

[loveemagicpeace]

🌌Lilith in Houses🌌

Lilith in 1st house- often gives an aura of mystery and intensity. People may find you captivating or intimidating because of the way you embody Lilith's energy. You exude confidence and a refusal to conform to societal expectations. This placement makes you fiercely independent, with a strong desire to define yourself on your own terms. There may be a natural rejection of norms or roles imposed by others, particularly around appearance, identity, or how you express yourself. This placement often grants an alluring physicality, whether through intense eyes, a commanding posture, or an unspoken confidence. People notice you when you walk into a room. You may exude a potent sexual energy, even if it's not intentional. This can make others project their desires or insecurities onto you.

Lilith in 2nd house- emphasizes themes of self-worth, material security, and values. This placement connects Lilith's raw, untamed energy with personal resources. You may struggle with or rebel against traditional ideas of value, especially how others define worth through money, possessions, or status. You may have moments of abundance or deprivation, leading to lessons about power, control, and attachment. The 2nd house relates to the physical senses, and Lilith here intensifies your connection to the sensual and material world. You might embrace your desires unapologetically, but there could also be guilt or societal judgment tied to indulgence or pleasure.

Lilith in 3rd house-This placement emphasizes themes of expressing your truth, breaking free from conventional ideas, and navigating power dynamics in how you share ideas and connect with others. You speak your truth boldly and unapologetically, often challenging societal norms or expectations. This directness can make you magnetic and compelling, but it may also provoke others or attract criticism. Your mind is drawn to taboo, forbidden, or unconventional topics that others shy away from discussing. Your words carry a deep emotional or sensual power, and you may have a natural gift for writing, speaking, or storytelling. Others may find your voice or ideas hypnotic, even if they don't always agree with you. Interactions with siblings or people in your close environment may involve power struggles, jealousy, or intense dynamics.

Lilith in 4th house- brings its raw, untamed energy into the domain of home, family, roots, and inner emotional life. This placement often highlights themes of rebellion against family norms, a complex relationship with the concept of home, and the need to reclaim personal power in private, emotional spaces. You may have experienced power struggles, rejection, or feelings of being the "black sheep" within your family. You might reject traditional or societal expectations about family roles, upbringing, or home life. Themes of shame, secrecy, or taboo may be present in your family history or early home life. Your inner emotional world is intense, raw, and unapologetically authentic. There's a powerful, magnetic quality to your personal and emotional space, making it a source of intrigue or fascination for others.People may feel drawn to the depth and authenticity of your emotional expression. Uncovering and embracing these truths can be part of your healing journey.

Lilith in 5th house-You have a powerful, magnetic presence and a unique way of expressing yourself. Creativity and passion are essential outlets for your individuality, often embracing themes of taboo, rebellion, or raw emotion. Relationships, especially romantic ones, are often charged with deep passion and intensity. You might attract partners who embody Lilith's qualities or experience power struggles, jealousy, or unconventional dynamics in love. There's a boldness in how you approach pleasure and sensuality, often challenging societal expectations. You may resist traditional ideas of romance, parenting, or creative expression. This could lead to unconventional relationships, artistic pursuits, or ways of experiencing joy.Early experiences might have led to suppression or shame around your creativity or enjoyment of life's pleasures. Your creative talents may lean toward the unconventional, controversial, or taboo.

Lilith in 6th house-This placement often highlights challenges and transformations in how you approach daily life, relationships with coworkers, and your sense of duty to yourself and others. It pushes you to redefine productivity, balance, and self-care on your own terms. You may resist rigid schedules, traditional work structures, or societal expectations about productivity. A desire for autonomy and freedom in your daily life often clashes with the demands of conformity. Relationships with coworkers or authority figures may involve power struggles, jealousy, or misunderstandings. You might feel undervalued or judged for your unconventional approach to work or problem-solving. Health may be a sensitive or transformative area for you, possibly involving struggles with chronic conditions, alternative medicine, or shadow work related to the body. You are drawn to healing modalities that embrace the holistic, taboo, or unconventional. Early experiences may have instilled feelings of inadequacy, leading to a drive for perfection or overworking yourself to prove your worth.

Lilith in 7th house-brings her intense, magnetic energy to relationships, partnerships, and the way you connect with others. This placement often highlights themes of power, attraction, rejection, and the quest for balance in one-on-one connections. It pushes you to confront shadow aspects of your relationships and reclaim your power in how you relate to others. You exude a mysterious, irresistible energy that often draws others to you. Relationships tend to be intense, passionate, and transformative, often involving power dynamics or taboo themes. You may experience unconventional or challenging dynamics in romantic or business partnerships.Power struggles, jealousy, or unbalanced dynamics could surface, prompting growth and self-awareness. You might feel drawn to people who reject societal norms, or you could face rejection yourself in relationships. This placement encourages you to understand the deeper reasons behind such dynamics and heal wounds of unworthiness. Relationships serve as mirrors, reflecting back your own unacknowledged aspects, both empowering and painful.

Lilith in 8th house-amplifies themes of transformation, intimacy, power, and the mysteries of life and death. This placement invites a deep exploration of taboo topics, hidden desires, and emotional or psychological depths. It often brings an intense connection to sexuality, shared resources, and spiritual rebirth, challenging societal norms and personal fears. You exude a magnetic and mysterious energy that draws others to you, often in profound and intense ways. Sexuality is a significant area of exploration and empowerment, though it may also involve struggles with shame, repression, or taboo. This placement encourages you to face fears and embrace the transformative power of the unknown. Intimate connections often involve themes of control, obsession, or vulnerability. You may attract partners who embody Lilith's intense energy or experience struggles around trust and merging. You have the ability to rise from the ashes, using these crises as catalysts for profound transformation. This placement often calls for shadow work, helping you heal wounds related to intimacy, power, and vulnerability. You have a natural ability to sense energies and delve into the mysteries of life and death. By owning your desires and vulnerabilities, you can transform pain into empowerment.

Lilith in 9th house- channels her untamed, independent energy into the realms of philosophy, beliefs, travel, and higher learning. This placement emphasizes the rejection or rebellion against conventional ideologies, societal norms, and traditional education. It invites a journey of self-discovery and truth-seeking, often through unconventional means and experiences. You challenge traditional or dogmatic belief systems, often feeling at odds with societal or religious norms.A strong desire for freedom and independence drives your pursuit of knowledge, travel, or spiritual growth. Authority figures in education or religion may have tried to suppress your free-thinking nature. This placement often brings a resistance to being told what to believe or how to live. You are drawn to alternative philosophies, esoteric studies, and taboo topics in your quest for meaning. Your worldview is likely to be eclectic, shaped by personal experiences rather than traditional teachings. There's a strong pull toward adventure and experiences that push boundaries, whether through travel, education, or spiritual practices. You may seek the forbidden or dangerous, craving excitement and growth through bold exploration. Your wisdom comes from lived experiences and a deep connection to life's mysteries. This placement often indicates a powerful spiritual journey, marked by rejecting imposed beliefs to uncover a more authentic spiritual truth. You may explore mysticism, astrology, or other non-traditional paths.

Lilith in 10th house-This placement often highlights challenges and growth opportunities in navigating societal expectations, personal ambition, and how you present yourself to the world. You may feel drawn to careers or public roles that challenge societal norms or explore taboo topics. You might have a complicated relationship with authority figures, including bosses or societal structures. You exude a mysterious, captivating energy that can draw attention and admiration, though it may also provoke jealousy or criticism. Your public image may fluctuate between admiration and misunderstanding due to your unconventional approach. Early in life, you may face rejection, judgment, or struggles in gaining recognition for your efforts. These challenges often serve as catalysts for self-empowerment and a more authentic expression of your ambitions. Your professional life might involve subjects considered taboo, such as sexuality, power dynamics, or esotericism. You are deeply attuned to dynamics of power and control in professional settings, often learning to navigate these strategically.

Lilith in 11th house-This placement emphasizes independence, social dynamics, and a desire to challenge societal norms in the pursuit of authenticity. You may feel uncomfortable conforming to the expectations of social groups or communities. There's a strong desire to break free from groupthink and redefine what it means to belong. Your friendships may be unique, unconventional, or even controversial, with a strong attraction to those who share a sense of rebellion or independence. You may often be drawn to outsiders, misfits, or people who challenge the status quo. You have the potential to bring powerful transformation to groups or social causes, especially those that focus on personal freedom, equality, or unconventional ideals. Superficial or shallow group connections may feel limiting or draining. You seek deeper, more authentic bonds that allow you to express your individuality. Lilith here can give you a forward- thinking, progressive mindset, pushing you to question what the future of society or humanity should look like. You are likely to question the ideals, beliefs, or systems upheld by larger communities or society as a whole. You may also experience moments where you are marginalized or rejected by groups, only to later realize your own strength and independence.

Lilith in 12th house-channels her intense, mysterious energy into the subconscious, hidden realms, and the more shadowed aspects of life. This placement is often associated with deep, internalized struggles, the uncovering of repressed desires, and confronting hidden fears. Lilith in the 12th house often symbolizes the suppression of deep, primal desires or emotions, sometimes due to societal taboos or personal insecurities. There may be a tendency to keep hidden parts of yourself buried or to hide from your own truth, often because you fear being judged or misunderstood. This placement gives you a profound connection to the subconscious mind, where unacknowledged parts of yourself-such as hidden desires, fears, and traumas— reside. Lilith here can lead to a sense of isolation, whether physical or emotional. You may feel misunderstood or disconnected from others, yet this can also lead to profound self-reflection and inner growth. The 12th house is often associated with the spiritual or mystical, and Lilith here can indicate a deep, intuitive connection to unseen forces or the collective unconscious. Lilith in the 12th house challenges you to confront the darker, repressed parts of yourself, especially those parts that you may have been too afraid to acknowledge. There may be an unconscious resistance to control, authority, or restriction, often manifesting in self-sabotage or passive rebellion. You may unknowingly reject what others expect of you or what society imposes, especially when it conflicts with your internal truth. Therapy, shadow work, or spiritual healing practices may be particularly transformative for you, allowing you to release old wounds and reconnect with your authentic self.

-Rebekah🪄☁️✨

[thatonebirdwrites]

(I wrote this article to help remind myself that even small actions like maintaining my microlibrary matters. I've included my methodology below and why I do it. I also includes some resources that go into further depth).

Archiving Our Works Offline

Since we are entering a fascist era where I live, archiving literature of all types becomes more pertinent. Especially with the current rise in book-banning and censorship (much of that focusing on marginalized groups like LGBTQIA people and Black and Indigenous people).

So how do we archive literature and keep knowledge safe from censorship or destruction by authoritarian regimes? There’s various methods, but I’ll speak of a way one can do this without a degree or beforehand knowledge of archival practices.

I’ve been archiving my eBooks and the studies I’ve read for a long time now, but it’s only recently I’ve been working on transferring them to a safer, offline drive. I also have a large physical library of books from various genres and covering many different topics. I collect books and can often find them cheap at book sale fundraisers, estate sales, sales in book stories, discounts in online stores, etc. 

Due to how extensive my library is, it’s inspired my friends to read new authors or genres or to tackle new topics; the archive gave us room for discussion. It also helped friends or community members who don’t have access to a library still access a digital copy by checking-out a copy from me. Now, one doesn’t have to share their archive with anyone, but I find it helpful to do so.

The goal however should not be to archive the most famous books — as if everyone did that we wouldn’t preserve much knowledge, so focus on unique and lesser known literature and media to preserve those too. This is why I focus so much on marginalized authors, who are not well known.

Archiving knowledge is why physical libraries in a town is so crucial. They are bastions of knowledge and archived books, media, and documents. Supporting your local library and fighting with your library to keep them open is crucial. This also requires fighting against book bans that would censor/restrict what a library is allowed to put on their shelves and archives.

What I’m suggesting here isn’t to replace libraries. It’s to augment the community’s archives of knowledge, media, documents, and books. Since Public Libraries are the forefront of the fight against banned books, it can be crucial to make sure the banned or censored books are preserved somehow.

While the authoritarian state may easily target Public Libraries, they can’t so easily target civilians, especially if the archival project is done quietly among small groups of people. These smaller projects are how some of the lost knowledge from before the 1930s Nazi book-burnings were salvaged; everyday people like you and me archived books and documents and kept them safe.

Experts often discuss four stages to censorship:

Stage one: Not allowing certain topics to be discussed. This is similar to laws in Florida, where speaking of LGBTQIA folks (trans in particular) can be penalized. This primarily impacts schools, but not necessarily the publishing industry as a whole.

Stage two: Bills that censor the Internet. The terrible KOSA bill (Kids Online Safety Act) is an example, where it sought to censor the existence of LGBTQIA and/or Black and Indigenous literature, media, and documents on the Internet. This is where sites that carry these media may start to go dark digitally.

Stage three: Penalizing anyone who sells, disseminates, or produces censored materials. This is when authors, publishers, bookstore owners, libraries, and others are attacked directly and penalized for having any literature or media the state deems ‘bad.’ The penalty can range from fines to jail time to death.

Stage four: book burnings. This is full-on blatant Nazi-esque book burnings and trashing of any institution or public archive of knowledge and media that holds the censored materials. For example, the Sex and Gender Institute in Germany in 1930s was the first targeted institution for book burnings by Nazis. A century worth of data on LGBTQIA (and specifically trans and intersex individuals) were lost. The only remnants that survived was documents smuggled out before the book burnings.

For the country in which I reside, we are hovering between stage one and two. I suspect by the end of these four years, we’ll be closer to stage three. This is why it’s crucial to keep an archive of knowledge, and if many people are doing this, the higher likelihood that more data can be preserved. It may seem daunting, but that’s why it’s helpful to work with other people and focus on a specific genre or topic for the archival project you start.

I personally started with Leftist books focused on anti-capitalism, anti-racism, building communes, and science fiction and fantasy by marginalized authors. I was a little broad in my choice of topics, but there’s no need to be this broad.

For example, one could pick to archive only trans literature or only literature by Indigenous authors. Also remember, you cannot archive every book in your chosen topic. You will be curating these archives to some degree because that’s inescapable. Do not fret over this or agonize over being unable to archive all the books.

Preserving some knowledge is better than losing it all. That’s the goal. Take it a step at a time. For me, I’ve been adding to my archive for over four years. It’s sitting at around 25 gigabytes, and it’s something I added to slowly over that time. I took breaks. I set aside time each month to update the archive, and I asked others for help during high pain times. (This was helpful during the start of Covid, where I started up a digital archive of studies. Friends helped catalog them.)

Preserving knowledge and literature is crucial in times where censorship and book bans are on the rise. There’s a lot of great knowledge, literature, and media out there that should be preserved for future people to read or watch.

When an authoritarian regime starts to censor the sharing of knowledge, data, and stories, this is when archival practices become crucial for the survival of people’s history, culture, and stories. Anyone can work on an archival project, though I recommend building up a group to help make it easier in the long run.

1. Hardware. 

Obtain a large storage drive, as in a 1 or more terabyte SSD drive. This will serve as the data repository for the digital portion of the archive. This drive must not be used regularly. It’s meant to store the data, then be placed in a safe storage area (at just the right temperature to avoid degradation of the drive).

Since books can range in size, multiple storage drives may be needed. If one is seeking to also rescue/archive media such as photographs, videos, music, podcasts, etc — then you’ll need larger storage drives. This storage drive should not be connected to the Internet in any way. It’s meant as an offline archival device.

Servers can also be used as archives, where the data is stored on the server, but a server is connected to the Internet. Depending on the circumstances, it may not be wise to have the back-up archive in the cloud. A back-up should be stored offline for any archive security.

Try to avoid cloud storage, especially if based in the USA. Do not use googledrive or dropbox or any similar cloud storage. If you must use cloud storage, always have an offline backup on your own SSD drives, and seek out a storage service that is based in a country with good privacy laws that has encryption embedded in it such as cryptpad.org.

Next make sure the computer hardware needed to open those drives are kept in top-notch shape. The digital archive will end up useless if there isn’t a device capable of connecting with the storage drive. Most devices with USB ports have the capability to connect to a storage drive.

2. File types.

You need to make sure the file types used in digital storage can be easily accessed by the majority of devices currently in existence. At this time of writing in January 2025, PDFs, ePub, .Doc, .mp3, .mp4, .wave, and .zip  are the most common file types and the most accessible. Could this change in the next decade? Maybe, but for now, focus on the most common file types that are accessible by the majority of systems.

3. Avenues of procuring the literature for archiving.

There’s two forms of archival data: Physical form and Digital form. 

For the physical form, that consists of print books, magazines, newspapers, photos, etc. These can be purchased online or in physical stores. They also can be traded for using a grey market system. (Grey market is where the item is obtained legally but then sold by someone who may not have a license to sell. Black market is when item is obtained illegally.) Physical forms of literature are the superior archival forms. Books can easily outlast our lifetimes if stored in a dry, lukewarm temperature storage space.

Digital forms do not have a physical version of the data. The storage device or server is the only sign it exists in the physical realm. Digital forms can be compressed into smaller file sizes for long-term storage. Buying eBooks is also cheaper than a print physical copy. There is also online PDF/eBook libraries where one can download the book for free (for legal reasons, I cannot recommend. For ethical reasons, I maintain archiving literature to make sure it doesn’t disappear or is destroyed by censorship is important in the long-term).

Once the item is procuring (in hopefully legal way as I in no way suggest breaking the law), then it becomes important to store it appropriately.

4. Storage of archival data and literature.

The storage drives in point 1 become crucial for the digital forms of literature and other data. Storage drives need to be kept in a relatively dry, cool space and kept offline. When I saw cool, I’m speaking of between 50 to 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Best to keep it at a steady temperature. I prefer 70 to 75 degrees Fahrenheit. This prolongs the shelf-life of your drive. To avoid stressing the drive by using it often, try to time the storage so that you store as many files as you can in one boot-up.

Another important component to using storage drives is the power of encryption. A drive can be encrypted, and the key needed to use it safely guarded. I’d recommend this only if there are concerns of increased scrutiny to penalize the possession of certain types of literature and archival documents and media.

For example, if a law is passed to ban trans or queer literature, there’s a few ways the law could be written: it can focus on who sells or prints this literature, which means possession of it is not part of the law. A second way is to penalize both selling, printing, and possession. It’s this latter form of law that needs to be watched out for, and if it comes to be, that’s when encrypting the drives and keeping that key safe is crucial.

I am not an encryption expert, however. So be sure to research encryption to determine the best way to build up this security.

For physical storage, the area needs to also be dry and in that same temperature range. Storage in bins such as metal or plastic bins can also help preserve the books and magazines. Finding a space big enough can be difficult. Sure, a storage center could be used, but if you lose access to it or one is raided, you’d have no control over rescuing your archive. Better to work with your community (and friends) to store it yourself, so you have control over who has access to it.

5. Building up these archival Libraries in your communities.

If this feels daunting, then take a step back and think about who you know that may be interested in assisting. You can then talk with those people and work out a system to spread the tasks and make the project less intense. By working together in community, you will lessen the risk of burnout, which is crucial since it can take anywhere from weeks to years to recover from burnout.

What is burnout? It’s when stress on the body and mind pushes one past their limits and causes illness — physical or mental illness. The body and mind are exhausted, and so activities becomes increasingly hard to do. The best way to avoid this is to share the burden in projects like these. Take breaks often to give your body and mind rest. Spend time with family and/or friends and/or pets to help recharge. Take some solitary time too.

Working with other people in community is crucial for surviving fascist regimes. We are not islands, as that saying goes, and even islands are not isolated and independent. For the island relies on the larger, interconnected ecosystems of earth to exist. 

Mariame Kaba, who wrote ‘We Do This Till We Free Us,’ wrote about her father and something her father shared with her: “You have a responsibility to live in this world. Your responsibility is not just to yourself. You are connected to everyone…. because the world doesn’t work without everyone.” 

We are interconnected with other people and the environment as a whole. No one is “self-made” as that is individualistic capitalist propaganda; all of us had people throughout our lives that taught us what we know, socialized us into society’s norms (or out of those norms), assisted us in hard times, and so forth. Humanity are inherently social creatures, so do not discount the power of community.

Resources

For ways to build up your own groups and communities, I recommend starting with Surviving the Future edited by Branson, Hudsen, and Reed and How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong. Group-building can be as simple as a book club, who meets monthly, deciding to take on archiving the books they read.

For further reading, the following article discusses archiving and rescuing trans literature, but it’s tips apply to everything I’ve discussed above and to many other types of literature: A Practical Guide To Resisting Censorship. It includes tips for ways people can work together to safeguard knowledge and literature, which is nicely organized based on your role in the literature ecosystem. 

Feel free to share thoughts and tips below. :)

[pinkroseblooms]

obsessedloner!Choso/chubby!f!Reader) pt.1

Summary: modern day college au! Choso pines over his cute classmate. Ngl this is super self indulgent, probably OOC, with lots of fluff and smut, borderline crack really. Enjoy!

Warnings: stalking, unhealthy behavior, p in v sex, unprotected, possessive/obsessive behavior, smut, and etc. Choso is clingy and borderline yandere.

wc: 4.2k

You’re a sweetie pie, friendly to everyone but seemingly not close to anyone. You wear cute dresses and blouses, and have adorably round cheeks, so plump and cute, with a warm smile that puts every person you speak with at ease. Choso on the other hand, though not socially inept per say, simply doesn’t put much effort into socializing with his classmates or really any person outside his tight knit circle. All Choso really needs is his family and a couple close friends, the ones he’s had for years. He doesn’t need to win any popularity contests and with his pale, nearly translucent skin, inky black hair, and somewhat somber expression, Choso had something of a reputation for being creepy. Walking down the street, zoned out eyes and a thin lipped frown, it wasn’t uncommon for a person to double take, wondering if they had seen a hulking onryo in physical form.

And so, when he met you, Choso was at a loss. Suddenly everything he did seemed so awkward and stilted. He was fumbling over himself attempting to make your acquaintance; from being assigned to class projects or during group discussions, of which Choso found himself hanging on your every word with rapt attention no matter how boring the subject material actually was, he could never seem to find the right thing to say. It was a miracle when he was able to speak at all, outside of strictly school related topics. 

On a mild sunny day, it was a classmate had ultimately been the one to indirectly help Choso make a connection. They had pointed him out to you, who had been sitting unaware on a blanket in the campus courtyard with a book and a snack, Your peaceful, cozy study session outside was interrupted when a classmate came by to say hello and warn you of the strange man watching you from the smattering of trees and bushes surrounding the area.

“He’s always staring at you.” They winced as Choso ducked further behind the large oak he was half obscured behind. “What the hell? I can call security for you.”

“Oh it’s Choso.” you beamed in his direction, waving one of your arms over your head. “Hey Choso! Wanna study with me?”

Unsure if he was hallucinating, Choso ventured from his spot, steps heavy as he walked briskly to where you were camped out on the grass. Your classmate gave you a strange look. "Will you be okay?”

“Aw, he’s just shy.” you told them, your smile widening as Choso lingered a few feet away from the edge of your blanket.

“Uh huh. Alright then” 

With a shrug, they left you and Choso alone; for a few seconds, neither of you spoke.

“Hi.” Choso looked from you to the retreating classmate, and back to you again. “Can I sit down?”

“Sure!” you patted the spot next to you. “Are you hungry? I have some cookies in my bag, made them myself.”

You chatted with Choso about nothing in particular; he mostly nodded or gave one syllable answers as he munched carefully on the cookies you offered. He heard you talk about baking once or twice before; granted Choso is pretty neutral on most desserts but ever since hearing about your casual hobby, one of his favorite fantasies was you gifting him with sweets made with care: chocolate on Valentine's Day, a special cake for his birthday, or maybe you wearing nothing but a cute apron in his kitchen while he pinned you over the table and-

Well, maybe he's getting ahead of himself.

“You know, you could have just come over. How long were you gonna stand there?” you asked after Choso finished the cookies; you had brought extra, hoping to see him around campus again. Nothing said, "let's be buddies" like sharing homemade goodies, right?. “Besides, someone might think you’re stalking me.” you joked.

Choso hadn’t exactly meant to follow you; he really had intended to come over and greet you properly, ask if he could sit or if you wanted to get a coffee, something. Every time he tried to approach you, Choso ended up lingering near you, telling himself he would say something, a hello at the very least, but his feet would end up feeling like lead blocks and his palms would get clammy. Besides, you looked so content to be alone typing away on your computer or leisurely reading a book in your lap. What if you thought he was annoying? What if the only reason you treated him nicely in class was because you didn’t want to be rude and you secretly thought he was an off putting weirdo? Just imagining you looking up at him with apprehension or disgust made Choso’s resolve crumble. By the time he found an ounce of nerve to take a few steps toward you, you were already heading out of the library or the courtyard or the campus cafe and he was left feeling stupid and cowardly. Besides, of nothing else he could be near, just in case someone unwanted came along to bother you. Choso would put a stop to that easily.

“Sorry. I was going to, but you looked busy and…yeah.” Choso scratched at the bridge of his nose, nail grazing over the tattoo; his stomach flipped, remembering how you complimented it the first week of classes. No one else really talked to him but everyone seemed to like talking to you. He had been so surprised, he hadn’t even said thank you, just nodded and averted his eyes back to his notes. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You don’t bother me. Actually,” you pause before taking out your phone. “I was going to ask during our next class: do you want to exchange numbers?”

Choso looked up at you, stricken faced and back straight. “You were?”

“Sure, this way we can make plans to hang out.” you explain casually, smoothing out your skirt as you shifted toward him, contact list open and ready to add his name. With that brief movement, your skirt hiked up higher over your thighs just well past your knees; Choso bit the inside of his cheek and prayed you didn’t notice his gaze flicker downward. It would take less than a second to reach over, feel the exposed skin, squeeze with his rough hand, and then he could get a better idea of how it would feel to have his head trapped between your quivering thighs while he-

“You mean it? So," Choso gazes at you hopefully; his eyes are so intensely fixed to yours that you almost feel the need to look away. "We would see each other outside of class?”

“Yeah, let’s get coffee or something. Also, if one of us is already busy, we can just reschedule. Or, you know, we can just text each other whenever. No pressure.” you gave him a thumbs up. “Sound good to you?”

“That makes sense.” Choso types his number into your phone; the pads of his finger are thick and he’s trembling a little, so he has to redo it twice. “Um, can I sit with you? Like, right now, I mean.”

“Of course.” you nod and scoot over a little to make more room for him on the blanket. “By the way, that song I heard coming from your earbuds the other day, it sounded good; what was it called?”

Choso was wrong, assuming approaching you would be the thing to test his will power and courage the most. Now that Choso has your number (he put a little rabbit emoticon by your name, his cute chubby bunny) he has to rein himself in from messaging you every fifteen minutes and even then he knows he texts you too much. Even so, no matter how many messages Choso sends, you never seem annoyed. Weeks go by and Choso has gone from sending you brief inquiries about the class material and when the next day off is to regularly texting you good morning and goodnight, links to videos he thinks you’d find funny, songs that remind him of you, pictures of ramen from the new spot he and his brothers had gone out to eat at, even an occasional selfie that had been taken about a dozen times until Choso felt confident enough to send it.  And that wasn’t getting into the questions, unprompted and random, about your favorite color, food, time of day, your family, your birthday, your preferred sleeping position.

You can’t lie, the attention is flattering and you find your heart seize up whenever Choso is brave enough to approach you first, when he starts cracking jokes, bringing you coffee and snacks every class, and finally volunteering more and more info about himself without your prompting. You want him to share things about himself with you, to feel comfortable and at ease. It took a little time and careful coaxing, but it was well worth getting to know this fiercely strong yet oddly gentle man. Choso who seemed to operate on a completely seperate set of rules and morals than most people yet still tried so hard to please you, as if it were his life's mission to do so. You never felt so curious about someone or so determined to have them be a part of your life.

In a short amount of time, Choso has become your shadow, always scrambling to pack up his notes and pens to follow you when you leave the room, practically bounding at your heels when you say you’re going off campus for a meal or shopping. He insists on accompanying you, offering to foot the bill, carry your bags; if you so much as sniffle, Choso is urging a packet of tissues and a bottle of tea into your hands. He knows it’s a lot, but he can’t help himself and you’re so quick to return the favor, to pay for him, bring him little gifts, check up on him if he’s looking particularly tired (usually because he was up all night stalking your socials and planning your next “date”)

You say one nice thing to him and Choso wants to shower you in praise; he doesn’t care if it’s excessive. Sure, technically you’re not his girlfriend, but in Choso’s mind, you might as well be. Besides, he’s happy just making you happy. So when the day comes where you put it all out on the table and ask him to be honest about what his feelings are, Choso is surprised he even has to spell it out.

“What are we?” 

The movie has been paused and you put aside the bucket of popcorn Choso had just made fresh for you with extra butter topping along with the pack of your favorite candy as a surprise gift for movie night. You’re sitting on the edge of his bed, fiddling with the hem of the band t-shirt Choso had lent you when he accidentally spilled coffee over your pretty new blouse. You never did give it back and Choso had never asked for you to return it. This is the first time he’s ever seen you so hesitant. 

“Listen, Choso, I like being your friend, I really do. I’ve never gotten this close to anyone before. You’re very...special to me, but I haven’t been completely honest with you.” you admit quietly. “I really, really like you, as more than just a friend. I’m sorry if that makes things weird. I know when you care for someone, you go all out, so maybe I’ve been misunderstanding this whole thing. I just had to tell you. You deserve to know. You’re such a great guy, I hope you’ll consider still being my friend.”

“I love you. Be my girlfriend.” 

Choso’s tone is so blunt and matter of fact, you’re almost startled into silence. 

“Oh. You love me?” 

“Yes.” 

"Oh." you repeat, still a tad taken aback. "I guess I was worried over nothing. I figured you might have a crush on me, unless I was mistaken, but I...really didn't expect this. Choso, are you sure? When you say love, you don't mean like a friend; you mean, love in 'that' way, right?"

Choso nods, pretty much looming over you; his outward expression is stoic, but you recognize the way his hands clench at his sides and his posture stiffens as him trying to calm his own nerves.

“I do. I meant it exactly how it sounds. I always wanted more, but I didn’t,” he shifts from one foot to the next, unsure whether it would be okay to sit next to you. “You aren’t scared of me? It’s really not…too much?”

Choso’s blood runs cold as you abruptly stand; you’re leaving. It’s too much too soon. Your patience has run out. You think he’s an overbearing freak and you’re going to run away, block him, avoid him. His eyes widen as you stare at him resolutely and it takes every ounce of strength he has to not crumble at your feet and beg you not to leave, to just give him a chance to show you how happy he could make you, the lengths he's willing to go to have you love him.

"I, I'm sorry." Choso steps forward, as if to block your path. "Just hear me out, one more time, plea-"

“I think I love you too.” you say softly, reaching for him slowly and cup his face in your warm palms; Choso brings his large hands up to cover yours, like he's trying to get you to squish his face. “I want to be with you.”

“Are you serious?” Choso exhales shakily. “You really love me?” 

You nod and lean forward barely a centimeter. “You’re really just too cute; can I kiss you now? Am I moving too fast?"

The words are barely out of your mouth before Choso wraps you into an almost painfully tight bear hug, your face is squished into his chest, arms trapped to your sides as Choso mutters softly into your hair.

“Are you really mine?” Choso asks quietly, his deep voice cracking a little as he drops onto the bed, cradling you like he’s afraid you’ll change your mind any second now, caging you with his whole being. “I know I get carried away. I just want to keep you safe. If I could, I’d keep you by me all the time. Is that wrong?”

“I don’t mind.” you smile into his sweatshirt and inhale his scent deeply. “I know you’re not a bad person. I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Never!” Choso looks scandalized and you can’t help giggling a little at his bulging eyes and gaped mouth. “I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I’ll try to do my best; if I ever hurt you, even by accident, you can hit me.”

“But I don’t wanna do that.” you tell him with a pouty frown. “Aways so extreme. How about we just talk and apologize or something?” you wriggle out of his strong iron band like arms enough to look him in the eyes properly. “Choso, you’re kinda squeezing too tight, can you…?”

Choso immediately loosens his hold, but he doesn’t give you any additional space. “Sorry.” he mumbles, nuzzling his nose into your hair. “Can we still stay like this for a while?” 

“Oh shoot, I was going to make a joke about you taking my breath away.” you grin impishly and return the hug with your newly freed arms. “So, about that kiss? Not that we have to! I guess we’re already moving pretty fast.”

“Not fast enough.”

"Huh?"

Choso’s eyes flicker to your mouth and his tongue darts out to lick his own bottom lip briefly. “Can we?”

“What?” you have to gather your thoughts as Choso sits back; your legs are on either side of his hips now as you find yourself propped up on his lap. He’s looking at you with a familiar intensity, but you can’t help feeling a little nervous; after all, it’s the first time you’ve been this close to each other, in this kind of position.

“Wanna kiss.” Choso’s words come out faintly slurred, despite not having a drop to drink all night. The movie that had been playing on his tv is still paused, the only source of light in the room. Choso had one hand on your lower back to steady you; the other was on your hip, his thumb rubbing circles underneath the hem of your shirt. “I’ll be gentle.”

“Okay. Thank you.” you offer him a smile before leaning in again, pressing your lips to his lightly, once, twice, three times, until Choso apparently decides chaste pecks aren’t enough. He groans into your mouth, the tip of his tongue wet and broad, tentatively licking as you part your lips wider. He’s getting loud now and suddenly his hands are gripping your thighs; you gasp, but it’s muffled by Choso’s mouth fully over yours as he rocks his hips. He’s grinding into you, hands rubbing your thighs and waist, traveling up your body to your chest. He loves how your plush tummy feels, how his fingers easily sink into your thighs. Choso has the sudden urge to bite into your chubby cheek.

“Choso,” you manage to break the heated kiss only for him to switch to nipping and sucking at your neck. “Wha-what are you-?”

“Can we keep going?” Choso pants, resting his head on your chest. “Please? Can I touch you more? Please?” he’s groping your breasts, staring at them almost in awe. “I want to see them. Can I…?” Suddenly, a look of dread overtakes his needy expression and he draws his hands away back to your waist. “Is it okay? If you don’t want to, I’ll stop. I just,” he breathes in and out shakily; you can feel him, pressing in between your legs. He’s hard, moving frantically, like he's not in control of his own body, rutting against your plump ass and pussy to feel some relief, frustrated he can't feel you completely with stupid clothes getting in the way. “Sorry. I want it so bad, I’ve never done anything before, so…but I can wait, I just get so worked up and you feel so soft, I'm s-sorry-”

“It’s alright, I’m just surprised: I've never seen you like this before.” you confess as you run a hand through Choso’s hair; it’s still a bit damp. He showered before you came over for movie night; you don't think he anticipated this, but then, Choso’s been surprising you all evening. “Are you ready? I'm okay Choso; you’re making me feel good. I didn’t think you would want to go farther than kissing, but if you're up for it,” with a teasing smile, you spread your legs and rub against him. “Do you want to fuck me tonight, Choso?”

Choso can’t speak for the moment, so he nods his head rapidly, cheeks flushing, brows furrowed as he rocks his hips in time with you, nearly bucking you right off his lap from the force of it. 

“Hold on.” you slowly lift your shirt over your breasts; you hadn’t bothered wearing a bra and from the way Choso lets out a ragged curse, you think he appreciates that. “You definitely want to keep going? Here, you can play with them; it’ll feel better if you get me all wet first. Go ahead, touch me all you want.”

“Does this feel good?” Choso’s thumb lightly rubs back and forth across one of your pert nipples; he’s practically salivating as you keen and whine, back arching, your hands gripping tight onto his broad shoulders. “Can I use my tongue?” he slowly moves forward to the other side, lips parting already, eager to know how your skin will taste.

“Oh god, yes!” your voice pitches higher as Choso gently circles the tip of his tongue around your nipple before suckling it; his hand gropes at your other breasts, pinching and rolling his thumb and forefinger carefully around, sending shocks of pleasure through your body. Choso's looking up at you through his eyelashes with a hooded adoring stare. You look like a dream come true, writhing on his lap, his shirt pushed up to your neck; he’s been dreaming of this, having your tits in his face, his hands, in his mouth, imagining how they’d feel, what your skin would feel like on his tongue.

After a few minutes, Choso releases your breast from his mouth. “More.” he demands in a low, hoarse voice. “Want more. Wanna see it…wanna see your pussy now.” you move up on your knees so Choso can slip your shorts down past your thighs. His fingers trace the cloth of your panties almost teasingly but really he just wants to savor every moment of this. Choso feels how wet you are through them and gulps. He's so close. He’ll get to feel you soon, feel how hot your insides are, how hot and wet your pussy will feel on his throbbing cock. Hurriedly, Choso yanks off his own sweatpants, barely taking a second before he has you on your back, head propped up on his pillow and recently washed comforter. He hoped it would be like this someday, that you would be here for him like this, naked, legs spread, his shirt still pushed up to show off your cute tits, your shining eyes basically begging for him to split you open on his cock. He’s happy you’re his first time; if Choso has his way, you’ll be his first and only. 

“I want to fuck you while you wear my shirt.” Choso strokes himself, from his base to his pink, leaking tip, settling between your thighs. “You’re mine now, right?” he asks, grunting as the thick head of his cock prods at your soaked pussy; he’s teasing your clit, loving the way you toss your head back, the way you’re actually dripping as he bottoms out. The feeling could knock the wind right out of him if Choso wasn’t so determined to have you just as overwhelmed and needy as he was feeling right now.

“Is this okay? Does it hurt?” Choso pistons his hips, holding your thighs open as he moves inside you; you manage to shake your head before letting out a shrill wail as Choso begins grinding into you as deep as he can. He’s rambling, greedily grabbing at you, holding you open, kissing and biting all over your exposed neck and breasts. “Fu-fuck, you feel so good! So soft and warm, I can’t get enough….wanna cum deep inside. Does it feel good? Am I making you feel good, am I making this pussy feel good?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” your nails drags over his shoulders and back as you struggle not to go limp from the force of his thrusts. “Choso, want to cum, touch me, please, I can’t take it anymore!” 

“You’re gonna take it. Gonna make you cum all over my cock.” Choso mutters; he’s slowly lapping at your hard, oversensitive nipples, salivating, completely lost in the way your pussy is clenching and the sweet pain of you scratching him, the burning red lines surely visible against his pale skin but he’s happy to let you mark him up. “Like this?’ he reaches down, still holding one of your legs up slightly while his free hand rubs his fingers over your clit. “Fuck yeah. I felt that, felt your pussy gush again. Go on, go on,” Choso grinds himself into you as he rubs your swollen clit, steady and quick. 

“CHOSO!” you scream as your body spasms; the sheets underneath you are damp and your body is hot and tense. The way he's stimulating every one of your most sensitive places is driving you crazy, you can barely think, just feel and listen to Choso’s low, raspy voice egging you on. “Oh god, please! I’m gonna-” 

“Yeah, cum on my dick. Cum all over me, you look so fucking hot right now, so cute...my chubby bunny.” Choso’s lips form an oddly soft grin as he watches you come apart; he feels it, feels you cumming around him, your pussy suddenly impossibly tight as you shake and sob. “Sh, sh, you’re okay.” his touch is slower, gentle on your clit, letting you ride out your orgasm. He thinks you’re so precious, twitching and whimpering as you come down from the high. “Shhh, relax. I’m going to move, okay? Can I?” 

Somehow you hear him through the haze and your rapidly beating heart and you nod. “Ye-yes, I want it. Keep fucking me.” you carress his cheek, smiling weakly. “Keep going, cum in me Choso. It's okay, I love you.” 

That’s when what little self control Choso had left snaps like a twig.

“Thank you." Choso wraps your trembling legs around his hips, anchoring you to him whole he shoves his cock as deep as he can inside you. Your mouth falls open but you can't even scream; somehow, it's like Choso’s gotten even harder. "Oh fuck thank you, I can’t believe it, can’t believe you’re letting me, thank you, thank you so much!” The headboard is knocking into the wall; all you can do is cling to Choso as he moans and babbles under his breath, rams his cock in and out of you like a man possessed. “Mine.” Choso has you wrapped in his arms again, pressing your limp ragdoll body to his. Your voice is too weak to let out more than little whispers of moans and frail, broken cries. “Fuck, you’re really mine.” Choso smiles down at you, cheeks flushed and eyes glistening with affection; he’s so close to cumming but he doesn’t want this to end. “Wanna keep you here with me all the ti-time, in my bed, gonna fuck you until you can’t go anywhere. Heh,” Choso kisses your temple with a satisfied, drunken smile as he strokes your fucked out face almost reverently. “You like that? Your pussy just got so tight. Let me, okay? Let me just take care of you from now on.” he picks up the pace again, molding you to him, kissing you as you go light headed; you may just pass out from this, but you don’t care, too busy getting swept up in Choso’s pleas and whines as he gets closer and closer to his own release, though he's the one at your mercy.

“Can I? Can I really cum in you?” he stutters, more begging than asking but either way he’s already losing himself in the sensation as his cock twitches and throbs with overstimulation. “Yes, yes, more, wanna stay like this, deep inside, gonna cum, gonna cum, shit, I’m gonna-!” Choso’s jaw clenches tight and he buries his face into your neck with a long, rough sob, rocking against you until he’s sure every last drop of his cum has been spilled deep inside your aching pussy. He has you in another deathgrip of an embrace but you melt into his arms, smiling dazedly as Choso brings your hand up and presses a loving kiss to your palm. 

“Sorry...I got carried away again, didn't I?” 

“You don’t look very sorry.” you pant, poking his tattoo lightly and let out a soft laugh. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sit up for a bit.”

The bridge of Choso’s nose crinkles and he does look a bit guilty now. “Sorry. I’ll take care of you. Hang on, I’ll get a towel.” 

“Mm, thank you.” you kiss his forehead. “You made me feel really good, I’m just super worn out. Could you bring me some water?” 

Choso nods and quickly stands up to fetch what you need; he’s still a bit dazed himself. When he comes back into the room, you’re still wearing his shirt with nothing else; he can see his cum slowly dripping down the inside of your thigh and has to stop himself from mounting you again. It’s obvious you’re tired and besides, there’ll be plenty of time for round two tomorrow morning when you’re waking up in his arms. “Hey,” Choso murmurs as you settle in under the covers with him. His finger lightly traces a particularly large love bite on the side of your neck. “Are you really mine?” “Choso, you really do worry too much.” Still, you can’t help but smile; he’s staring again, waiting raptly, looking absurdly innocent and almost childlike as he gazes at you beseechingly. “I’m all yours.” you kiss him tenderly once more before snuggling into his chest; Choso inhales sharply and has to fight back the tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He could die of happiness right now but then he wouldn’t get to have more kisses. 

“Come over for dinner tomorrow? I want to introduce you to my family.”

“I’d love to.” you sigh, content as Choso’s hand strokes up and down your back. “I can bake something.”

“Would it be too soon to say you’ll be their sister-in-law?”

“Hm, let’s hold off on that for a while.”

“Okay, I can wait.” Choso smiles, kissing your head gently. “Do you want to have kids?”

“Choso.”

“Sorry, right.” 

“It’s alright.” you murmur sleepily. “Talk later, sleep now.”

“Okay….can we do it again when you wake up?”

“Yes.”

[a-minke-whales-tale]

Delusion, Clinical Zoanthropy

I am a clinical zoanthrope. I have schizophrenia. If you have read my posts or blog before this should be no surprise as I am quite open about it. These labels that have been put on me affect nearly every aspect of my life, and greatly affect how I interact with the community. There is often a lot of discussion surrounding ideas of physical identity, delusion and if these things should be acceptable within the community or how to handle these topics.

Length: 3676 words

TW: delusions, reality checking, mentions of medical abuse

The year before last, I had spent quite a bit of time working with another academic to construct a historical materialist analysis of therianthropy. Historical materialism for people who are not familiar is a method of analysing history through the lens of production and class society. In particular, given the apparent wealth of historical therianthropy among “primitive” society, and the narrow niche of modern therianthropy, as well as my own treatment at the hands of the medical system, I wished to understand the origins of the oppression of therianthropic identity. I have to date not completed the project for a number of reasons - limited available literature regarding the transition from pre-class society to slave society particularly regarding religious and spiritual beliefs, personal health and time, and forcing myself to create a complex system of double bookkeeping and analysing my experiences through a materialist lens essentially constantly and forcibly reality checking myself constantly was very taxing.

Although I did not get to the state to write and publish the paper, I did learn a fair bit, and I think the most important concept within this discussion is the concept of delusion and how we define it. There is a common vulgar definition of delusion as believing anything that is not real or not backed by scientific consensus. But then there are many things people believe which is not backed by scientific consensus. While certainly there are people who would say that anyone who believes in ghosts or the Christian God are delusional, nearly half of the people in my country believe in God, however we lack any materialist evidence at this point for such a thing. The state of being identified by others as delusional comes with some pretty serious consequences, it should be noted though that these consequences are not applied to people who believe in God. Similarly, there are times when scientific consensus is simply wrong. Is the man who rejects the inherent inferiority of the [Sub-saharan Afrikan] race because of their skull shape and “thick skin” delusional? We today would collectively say no. For a man in the early 19th century, this would have been scientific consensus even if now we should find such a thought abhorrent. Was he then delusional? (Though some people did try to justify slaves escaping as a mental health condition Drapetomania, and historical terms like madness are often connected to modern terms like delusion and psychosis). I think often modern humans can create an almost religion out of science and progress and belief in their own rationalism - that not only is there absolute objective truth, but they can and do know it all in this particular moment, and that the society they exist within does not effect an impact on their view.

It is important to understand that delusion has a fairly specific definition and caveat when talking in a medical definition. That important caveat is that the belief conflicts, or is not standard, within their culture or subculture. Not only that, the belief must be very fixed and firmly set which does not respond/change to the presence of outside evidence. This cultural context is an important factor in the diagnostic criteria for delusions, as well as dissociative disorders like OSDD and DID (it may well be important for other conditions diagnostic criteria as well though I lack experience to speak on that topic).

Delusions -are- very much socially defined. I make the joke often that a rich man hears the voice of God he runs for office, I hear the voice of a spirit and need to be on antipsychotics. There are a number of examples namely in SEA where the experience of transforming into another animal would be considered entirely within the range of normal possibility (though notably with tigers primarily). There are also cultures and practices in which physical transformation is not considered delusion but a normal part of ritual notably among the Xan peoples. Among some Siberian cultures as part of hunting some will take essentially the mind of a wolf. In South Asia there are also recorded practices in which a person’s soul is bonded to and moved to an animal’s body in the night. Most people those reading this might encounter day to day would think these are surely delusions, but for those people, it is just a normal part of life and culture.

Most people here would collectively agree that therianthropy is not a delusion, however from outside the community many easily could argue it. You -are- human, you can look at your body and it and see that it -is- human. If you argue for past lives, there exists no evidence supporting that and no evidence supporting the existence of spirit or plausible explanation beyond hallucination despite many attempts to measure their existence. Nor do you have the instincts of that animal because you are clearly a human, and any "instincts" you might have are phantoms of the mind or attaching to a certain animal as a way to manage your life. However neither of these explanations would be acceptable nor would they convince you that you are wholly and entirely human.

Similarly with transgender identity, people here would collectively agree that is not a delusion. But 60 years ago? Or among transphobes? You are experiencing a delusion. You are obviously a wo/man, and no amount of hormones, [presentation], or [surgery] will change that. We would all collectively say fuck that shit, but you know who agrees under certain circumstances? WPATH in their Standards of Care directly notes among certain conditions of transgender identity as delusion (or at least in their old SOC before informed consent became common). It is common for people with schizo-spectrum disorders and higher level structural dissociative disorders to be denied care, or to face significant pushback. But this can also be true for all sorts of other “less serious” conditions such as austime, adhd, depression etc. This is something I have faced, and who knows how many others have faced it as well.

But what a delusion is very much defined by perspective and culture. It is easy when sitting on the "non-delusional" side of a cultural belief, to believe the order of things is logical. However, when I must construct materialist explanations of experiences, a task for which I am forced as part of double bookkeeping, the differences between my "delusional" experiences, and others "nondelusional" experiences especially in regards to therianthropy is one of degree, not of kind. Do not make the mistake to think that in other scenarios, other cultures, your experiences may be seen as delusions, and in other places, mine as natural and grounded in reality.

My experience as a clinical zoanthrope has left me often feeling quite divorced from the community, that I am separate, unwelcome, or an interloper in what is supposed to be my own community. I have been in the community for a while, but only at certain points felt comfortable to really call myself therian, a feeling which is again waning. There is a strong push constantly against physical identity. Even the most (in)famous phrase in wider culture about therians is the “on all levels except physical I am a wolf”. However this pushback against physical identities, especially from the concerns over P-shifter cults and abuses, created an environment that for me to be tolerated, I would have to constantly “show insight” or really reality check myself, and ensure all the others there knew that I knew my experience was not real and was not like their experiences were (that theirs were real and different). I still often have to do the dance describing my experiences, and even in the terms I use for myself as a clinical zoanthrope is indirectly that same dance.

The therian community often prides itself on how accepting it is. Though to be honest, I really have to question if this is the case. I have always felt unwelcome by the broader community. But so have very many others. It always strikes me that whenever I really share my experiences, how many others really relate to that feeling of not feeling wholly secure or belonging within the community. My orca friend, Ike, has talked quite a lot how they simply did not join the community for so long for feeling unwelcome. Sharing my experiences on a discord server a few weeks ago I learned another member was also a zoanthrope but had never shared it for fear of ostracization. A number of others expressed sentiments of feeling not total included, some for shift strengths, some for things like sexuality, theriomythics often get excluded, etc. Heck, by some accounts even the transition to the term Therian away from Were was an effort to include more people besides just shapeshifters.

Really when you think about it, it is not surprising so many people feel excluded in various ways. Therians have all these lines that you have to sit inside of and not cross to be acceptable to the community. But when you try to actually measure those lines many are not only extremely blurry, but vary person to person. Indeed my own experience is that there are people that do accept me, even if the wider community does not, and that is really the only reason I stayed.

The community has historically for instance a pretty hard stance on delusion and hallucination. The question though is, when does a shift move from being a socially acceptable phantom shift, to an unacceptable hallucination. For me in particular, my sensation of shift goes through a fairly long process of getting more and more intense, but it is also really a quite smooth process. It is like following a colour line, when does ‘blue’ truly begin? The first sensation is often a slight tickling, and very light phantom touch that you can sort of see through the feeling on your body. Beyond that the sensation gets more intense and becomes bothered from having things push against or intersect it. Further it begins to have not only form but colour and texture, but still if I look at the limb I cannot see it, I still see a human limb, though I do not expect it. Further the visual appearance comes in more and more until eventually my human parts are gone, transformed into animal parts I can see and I can touch. When we write it out like this it is pretty separately defined, but in the process this occurs for me, it is very smooth.

After enough quantitative change, there is a qualitative change, but where and when that occurs is hard to say. I think the first two experiences are very common among therians. I think the third experience is also fairly common but that starts to get more and more into the blurry lines, and if you cannot see where that line is you are likely to downplay your own experiences for fear if you say too much, you will be excised or ostracised from the community. But this fear also has the doubly cruel aspect that you can never really know where that line is because many people downplay their experiences to make them palatable, and so though many others might share in these experiences, people simply do not speak of them because they only see either extreme being shared, the particularly minor shifts being accepted, or the extreme shifts being sorted into delusions. I think it creates a false binary from a spectrum of experiences.

So many of these blurry lines exist though. What age can you be taken seriously? What platform do you use? How many kintypes is too many? Theriotypes being too common? Theriotypes being too rare? Are paleotherians acceptable? Are theriomythics acceptable? Can a dragon be a therian? Can an otherlinker or copinglinker have their identity so long it becomes therian? Are beastly animals from fictional settings acceptable or should they be with fictionkind? What sort of sexual and romantic expression is allowable? Is transspecies an acceptable identity? Some of these are blurry, some of them are clear, but they all wiggle around in different ways of some people will find them acceptable and some not. This leads to people self-censoring to the safe answers that they know are acceptable and prevents them really exploring their own identities, but also these questions within the community as it learns and grows and becomes more inclusive. In a certain irony, therianthropes as a community, are actually quite demanding in their conformity while preaching of their acceptance.

There has been a significant push in recent years to give greater levels of inclusion to therians with both delusional identities and physical identities. People are generally more accepting of zoanthropes and at points I have felt comfortable even to call myself therian and not just a member of the community. But there are also a number of additional terms, namely endel and holothere, which cover these experiences. However, something I note often when people talk why I as a clinical zoanthrope can be acceptable, while P-shifters and at times holotheres cannot, still comes down to that I acknowledge my experience as delusion. When I read the experiences of at least some p-shifters and holotheres, often the difference really is not so great, I often see their experiences mimicking or mirroring my own. I do use the word clinical zoanthropy, which on some level does indicate an understanding I know that at least others see my experiences as not real. This is a pretty common feeling among zoanthropes, we use this word, we know the humans think our experiences are not real, but they are incredibly real to us.

The question then is what should be done with us? There is a lot of comment that allowing us in the community to share our experiences or not reality checking people is encouraging delusion. People also say that delusions are harmful and that we should seek medical help. There are quite a few people who even wish to excise or isolate those who are anti-psychiatry and anti-recovery from the community.

If I am forced to analyse my experiences through a materialist and distant lens, it is quite clear my experiences are heavily rooted in delusion. I am a scientist, and there is no means under current knowledge to explain what I experience except hallucination - still I believe it fully. My knowing this is the only logical explanation does not lead me to believe it, to truly believe it inside. I mentioned before I had to give up on projects I did really enjoy because forcing myself to continuously deny my experiences and continuously reality check myself, brought to me very much distress. There are times I have wanted to be reality checked, but for vast part that is the remainder it is really distressing. It is distressing to be told a core part of your identity is not real, to be told the you that exists isn’t the real you, and sometimes see people mourning the “sane you”. Individuals in the community are not going to solve my “delusion” by reality checking myself or others.

Nor will them blocking me from the community or ensuring I do the dance for them encourage my “delusions” away. Delusions are heavily fixed experiences, and though you can encourage them in certain ways (think the example of people making “in your walls” jokes at schizophrenics), us talking about and sharing our experiences with each other and in our own community helps us feel understood and a sense of belonging. There are so few of us to start with, and the community closest to us either often disallows us, or makes us sit at the edge never really able to join. All banning us does is further isolate us, and for many delusions reinforces that we will never be acceptable or tolerable to others and it is best we are alone so we don’t hurt others with our presence.

I cannot speak on every person’s delusions, but I can speak on my own. For the question of if delusions are harmful, I think it often asks the wrong question. Who is it harmful to? Under what framework? Who thinks it is harmful? What does the patient want? I think one could say that my delusions of turning into a whale do harm me. I have trouble to interact with humans, I cannot work a full time job, I struggle in relationships, many nights I lay on the couch stuck for hours simply unable to move. These are all pretty negative things no? But it fails to ask why are these things harmful? A doctor looks through a very human framework and sees that I cannot do the human things and sees that I must have a poor quality of life and these delusions need to be addressed. But I am a whale and it is a core part of me, these things can be distressing, but whales cannot interact with humans the same way two humans would, work a full time job, have relationships with humans, and if you stuck them on a couch they would also not be able to move. This all is distressing and perhaps harmful, but then what other option is there? What the humans offer to me as solution is far worse.

I am anti-recovery, at least for myself. I think it is important to ask what does recovery look like? For me recovery would be to return to the water where I belong. But the humans would certainly say otherwise. For them recovery would look like fitting into and functioning within human society - having a job, a house, a car, a husband, kids, going on holiday, etc. I am not a human and I do not wish to be a human and live among them. However what is worse is how the humans would go about fixing that. I have been locked in hospitals, I have been strapped down, I have been sedated, I have been put on horrible meds that destroyed things I cared about and have often left me a shell of a person (there is a reason they were marketed as a chemical lobotomy). Some things I have gotten better in over time, and I can hold a job for the moment, even quite technical and difficult jobs.

However, the damage done to me from the humans was severe. Although I can talk about being a whale as delusion, the why is really far more impactful and distressing in my life. I was taken from the water, turned human, and am a useful thing for the humans. This understanding of myself as merely a tool and something the humans can do whatever they want with me is the real distressing aspect of my life. For me, the ‘help’ I received at the hospital only strengthened and set this delusion in so much firmer. I can look back at certain experiences, I can see the humans don’t have the technology to do what they did to me, but then I also have those years in the hospital, those years where everything was very apparent and clear and something that others can confirm and it seems to only further make plausible the experiences of the past, and those in the present the fear for what the humans will do to me. I know that I am deteriorating, I am struggling more and more, but nothing the humans offer me will make things better, they will only hurt me more, and if I ask for help, and reject it, they will only see it as proof I need the help more and force it onto me, which will only further reinforce that delusion.

If someone wishes to see a doctor and talk about therian things, I do often warn them of caution for what happened to myself and I do not want others hurt that way. I also urge them to think about what they want as the outcome from that discussion or what they hope will happen. A lot of mentally ill people have been hurt by doctors who thought they knew best, and once something is said, it cannot be undone. However, in the end they are free to decide what they will, and are free to navigate the medical system if they think it will benefit them.

For myself, I struggle to believe that doctors would really help me and instead work to help myself and my cetacean friends so that maybe someday we could swim again and swim forever. That we can fix ourselves and heal. That in time the deep scars across our bodies might start to fade and look like the scars of other captive cetaceans. That instead of surviving merely trying to please the humans to not be hurt, that we might actually -live- and have the life we were denied.

We are still people with agency, agency to choose our own path, to choose what brings us joy, to decide what we want from life, and from our healthcare. Or at least we should be granted that agency. We should not be excluded from the community or forced to dance around our experiences as not real for the comfort of others who happen to lie on the other side of the sane-delusional line, afterall the positioning of that line is very arbitrary and could easily swing to find yourself on my side of that line.

~ Kala

[s-soulwriter]

Research Tips for Writing Your Book

Are you diving into the exciting world of writing and researching for your book project? Here's what you need to know to make your research journey a success:

Define Your Purpose: Before diving into research, have a clear understanding of your book's purpose and goals. Know the themes you want to explore and the message you wish to convey. This will give your research a focused direction.

Create a Research Plan: Outline the specific areas you need to research, set milestones, and establish deadlines. A well-structured research plan keeps you on track and helps you manage your time efficiently.

Use Multiple Sources: Diversify your sources. Books, academic papers, interviews, and digital resources each offer unique perspectives and insights. This diversity enriches your understanding and adds depth to your writing.

Organize Your Notes: Keep your research notes well-organized. Consider using digital tools like note-taking apps or physical notebooks with labeled sections for different topics. Efficient organization will save you time and effort later.

Fact-Check: Ensure the accuracy of your research. Verify any details that are crucial to your story or argument. Misinformation can erode your credibility and disrupt the reader's immersion.

Cite Sources Properly: Keep meticulous records of your sources and be diligent about citations. Use a recognized citation style (e.g., APA, MLA, Chicago) to give credit to the authors and avoid plagiarism.

Interview Experts: Reach out to experts or people with firsthand knowledge relevant to your topic. Interviews can provide you with valuable insights, real-life experiences, and unique anecdotes to enhance your book.

Visit Relevant Places: If your book is set in a particular location, consider visiting it if possible. Experiencing the environment firsthand can help you capture its atmosphere, culture, and nuances more authentically.

Take Breaks: Research can be mentally taxing. Don't forget to take breaks to recharge and maintain a fresh perspective. Stepping away from your work can also lead to new insights and ideas.

Stay Open-Minded: Be open to unexpected discoveries during your research. Sometimes, the most profound insights come from unrelated sources or tangential information that you stumble upon while researching.

Keep a Journal: Maintain a research journal where you can jot down notes, ideas, and thoughts as they occur. This journal can serve as a valuable resource when you're writing your book.

Join Writing Communities: Connect with other writers in person or online. They can offer guidance, share their experiences, and provide emotional support when you face challenges during the research and writing process.

Revise and Refine: Don't think of research as a one-time activity. Continuously revisit and refine your research as your book evolves. New ideas or directions may emerge, and you may need to adjust your research accordingly.

Respect Copyright Laws: Understand the copyright laws applicable to your research. Ensure you have the rights to use specific materials, especially if you plan to incorporate them into your book. Obtaining permissions or licensing may be necessary.

Balance Research and Writing: While research is crucial, there comes a point where you must transition from research to writing. Avoid getting stuck in a perpetual research phase. Once you have enough information to start, begin writing and integrate research as needed in your work.

Remember that your research phase is an integral part of the creative process. It's where the foundation of your book is built, and it can be a fascinating journey in itself.But keep in mind, as you're writing your first draft, you can never know everything, never research everything. A second opinion is always good, and for that, you can ask friends, family, or even me on this blog.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Vittoria Elliott at Wired:

Elon Musk’s takeover of federal government infrastructure is ongoing, and at the center of things is a coterie of engineers who are barely out of—and in at least one case, purportedly still in—college. Most have connections to Musk and at least two have connections to Musk’s longtime associate Peter Thiel, a cofounder and chairman of the analytics firm and government contractor Palantir who has long expressed opposition to democracy. WIRED has identified six young men—all apparently between the ages of 19 and 24, according to public databases, their online presences, and other records—who have little to no government experience and are now playing critical roles in Musk’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) project, tasked by executive order with “modernizing Federal technology and software to maximize governmental efficiency and productivity.” The engineers all hold nebulous job titles within DOGE, and at least one appears to be working as a volunteer. The engineers are Akash Bobba, Edward Coristine, Luke Farritor, Gautier Cole Killian, Gavin Kliger, and Ethan Shaotran. None have responded to requests for comment from WIRED. Representatives from OPM, GSA, and DOGE did not respond to requests for comment. Already, Musk’s lackeys have taken control of the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) and General Services Administration (GSA), and have gained access to the Treasury Department’s payment system, potentially allowing him access to a vast range of sensitive information about tens of millions of citizens, businesses, and more. On Sunday, CNN reported that DOGE personnel attempted to improperly access classified information and security systems at the US Agency for International Development (USAID), and that top USAID security officials who thwarted the attempt were subsequently put on leave. The AP reported that DOGE personnel had indeed accessed classified material. “What we're seeing is unprecedented in that you have these actors who are not really public officials gaining access to the most sensitive data in government,” says Don Moynihan, a professor of public policy at the University of Michigan. “We really have very little eyes on what's going on. Congress has no ability to really intervene and monitor what's happening because these aren't really accountable public officials. So this feels like a hostile takeover of the machinery of governments by the richest man in the world.”

[...] “To the extent these individuals are exercising what would otherwise be relatively significant managerial control over two very large agencies that deal with very complex topics,” says Nick Bednar, a professor at University of Minnesota’s school of law, “it is very unlikely they have the expertise to understand either the law or the administrative needs that surround these agencies.” Sources tell WIRED that Bobba, Coristine, Farritor, and Shaotran all currently have working GSA emails and A-suite level clearance at the GSA, which means that they work out of the agency’s top floor and have access to all physical spaces and IT systems, according a source with knowledge of the GSA’s clearance protocols. The source, who spoke to WIRED on the condition of anonymity because they fear retaliation, says they worry that the new teams could bypass the regular security clearance protocols to access the agency’s sensitive compartmented information facility (SCIF), as the Trump administration has already granted temporary security clearances to unvetted people. This is in addition to Coristine and Bobba being listed as “experts” working at OPM. Bednar says that while staff can be loaned out between agencies for special projects or to work on issues that might cross agency lines, it’s not exactly common practice.

WIRED’s report on the 6 college-aged men between 19 and 24 that are shaping up DOGE in aiding and abetting in co-”President” Elon Musk’s technofascist takeover.

[otterlyinluv]

Hey do any of the egos have advice for when someone (like me) is feeling disappointed because of college stuff? Hope all is well, love this account <333

Sooo, I know you asked for advice, but I myself am currently struggling with the same thing, so the best I can offer is how they'd encourage you! And I am extremely sorry for only replying now, I wanted to have something to actually give you so hope this will make you feel better :3 Oh and I'm very glad you like my account!!

You're sitting at your desk, not even bothering to look at all of the studying and projects that have piled up around you. There's more to do each day, and you just can't take it anymore. That's when he walks in and sees you.

~~~

Damien gives you a massage after seeing that you have not changed positions for an hour. Having gone through this exact process, he understands how overwhelming it gets, especially when it's close to deadlines and exams. He offers to be your audience if you need to study out loud and nods enthusiastically, even though he understood precisely zero information relayed to him.

Dark tells you extremely matter-of-factly that you can accomplish whatever you need to do. When he sees you roll your eyes at what you take to be empty words, dead serious, he stays quiet for a moment. You feel his arms gingerly snake around your shoulders as he pulls you back into him. He tells you that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, the sincerity in the statement unmistakable this time.

Illinois promptly drags you out of the room and takes you out. You've studied enough. You need to take your mind off things. Not a whole adventure, of course, but a little hike in nature to clear your head. You get a great view of nature (and him) on one cliff. Okay, and maybe you get dragged off into a little adventure, but at least you got distracted.

Yancy thinks you need a distraction, but not physical, like Yancy. No, no, you've been using your brain too much. You need a cleanse of your mental palate. Since he can't book tickets to a musical and take you to it on the spot, he settles for the next best thing. His own rendition! He starts with the songs you'd hear in a "We can do it" scene and then goes into the soft, soothing ones. Your mind settles in time with his deep voice and earnest eyes, which are locked on yours the entire time.

Google tells you the statistics. The probability of failure or success in the project you're doing or the class you're studying for. It is a bit unnerving at first, particularly if the odds of failure are higher than you'd like them to be, but you've never expected Google to be anything less than utterly objective. After he quickly googles (ha!) ways to support an overwhelmed person, he gives you a stiff but gentle pat on the head. Did you imagine that, or did the last tap feel like he did it with feelings???

Wilford somehow already has a game show ready about the topic you're studying for. For every multiple-choice answer you get right, you get a piece of candy. And for correctly answered open-ended questions, he gives you a kiss on the forehead. (Yes, I know Bim is the one who does game shows, but shhh, Wilfordddd)

Actor incorporates the material you need to study into a script. He needs someone to practice acting out emotions with, so it's convenient for both him and you! You suspect he only did it for his sake, but when he kissed your forehead after finishing the "scene" and told you you'll "knock them dead out there, darling", you would reconsider. Maybe.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @jacksepticeye-simp

If anyone wants to get added to the taglist, drop me an ask

The wkm stamp by: @outntherain

[martialartslover7]

Weird Wednesday Headcanon: Inner Sakura is a STAND!

Let's be honest, guys, the only reason why the female characters in Naruto got held back so much in their overall potential and fighting prowess, was because of Kishimoto's, very likely, and I mean, VERY LIKELY (we don't even really know, all I am saying is, everything that happened so far in his material, and some of the things he said in interviews about the female characters, doesn't do him any favors), underlying misogyny, since...

Off-topic, but c'mon. Demon Slayer would like to have a word with him. The entire IP was written by a female mangaka, and yet she managed to make both males AND females in her story, equally as interesting and compelling. Sure, it was more on the simplistic and straightforward side, it's Shonen after all, but it was really well done, regardless. And even the "housewife" archetype was done in an appealing fashion, with Tengen's three wives, who were more than stay-at-home housewives, they were his bodyguards too, they kept active to not lose sight of their, now sadly, physically handicapped husband. Sometimes, you don't need to make every single aspect of your IP so deep and philosophical to be good. The point, "more is less", exists for a reason. And once again, because this is a mentality I kept seeing on Reddit and Twitter, just to remind you all, who will try to get all smart on me:

THIS. IS. FICTION. YOU CAN WRITE, ANYTHING YOU WANT! NOTHING LIMITS YOU! ESPECIALLY NOT WHO ARE YOU!

Like, this is fucking ridiculous, you really mean to tell me, that, just because you have a penis, all of a sudden, you can't relate to the problems of women, as though, they are an entirely different species from you? WHAT NONSENSE IS THIS? If you write, you write, nothing should be limiting you, unless maybe, you tackle serious, real-life problems, then it's best advised to do a little research first, before tackling them in a tactful way, but aside from that, NOTHING should hold you back.

Anyway, venting over, back to the topic at hand.

You know what'd be a serious buff to Sakura, overall? Outside of gaining access to the 8 Gates, thanks to Rock Lee and Guy?

...taming Inner Sakura, and turning that joke character into a dangerous weapon. And the way it works, at least if you were to go off of what the 2000s PS2 era was showing off with her, Inner Sakura is an inner, astral projection, manifesting in the real world, and making you eat her dust. Not convinced? Check it out:

C'mon, people! There is no doubt about it. Sakura. Is a STAND USER. And that stand of hers, is like if you were to fuse the lady that King Kong kidnaps, with himself. It just makes you ask: Why wasn't regularly used by Sakura? It could just be a unique extension to her Genjutsu toolkit, in that, her Genjutsu, is so painful, it has real-life effects on you. Basically, her anxiety and delusions are so strong, along with her wild, livid imagination, her mind ends up creating this astral projection of her inner turmoil. And with that, Genin Sakura, buffed to hell. And before becoming a healer, she is mostly a wrecking ball.

All she needs to do, is catch you in her Genjutsu raidus, and you're toast. She will toss and punch you around, like a little kid, venting its frustrations on its plushie.

Just imagine how devastating that technique might look for reals, and the reason I am saying this...

...mentally replace Jotaro with Sakura, and just picture Inner Sakura bombarding, her opposition, who might be, hypothetically, Kabuto, who is tormenting Naruto from afar, so Sakura decides:

Kate Higgins. Chie Nakamura. I will pay you, real-life money, just to replicate this, while replacing the ORA with CHA.

PEACE.

[loveemagicpeace]

Pluto in houses & your transformation

Pluto's workings seem to represent the beginning of things and the end of things; the beginning and end of a chapter in our lives; the beginning and end of our lives.

The symbolic psychological meanings of Pluto, when exalted in a sign, house, or aspect, include transformation, transmutation, rejuvenation, revival, regeneration, exaltation, and transition. The symbolic psychological meanings of Pluto, when disabled in a sign, house, or aspect, include death, decay, destruction, carelessness, the struggle for existence, fanaticism, sensuality, adventurism, and some black magic as opposed to Saturn's ceremonial magic. The symbolic sociological meanings of Pluto include sorcerers, witches, and vampires, and people who project charisma to crowds of people, such as actors, politicians, public speakers, and propagandists. The symbolic biological meanings of Pluto include the collective consciousness, the regenerative forces of the body, the creative forces that give life. Some astrologers consider Pluto to be the ruler of the pineal gland.

Pluto in 1st house -It shows strength, courage, transformation. You will experience a lot of transformation in your life, which will have a very emotional impact on you and your personality. Your personality and appearance can change whenever you lose something. You will have to let go of many things in your life and you may struggle a lot with your ego. The person may have a robust constitution, often with an ability to recover quickly from illness or stress. However, due to Pluto's deep and transformative influence, the individual may also experience periods of dramatic shiftsin their health or energy levels. Pluto can indicate susceptibility to injuries or health challenges related to the head (such as migraines, head injuries, or mental strain) and the bones (particularly the spine or joints). Early experiences may have involved control issues or feeling the need to assert personal power in some way. This could involve transformative sexual experiences or relationships that allow the individual to explore deeper emotional or psychological themes, whether through travel or meeting new people who push them out of their comfort zone.

Pluto in 2nd house- You will experience a lot of transformation through money, material things. Your inner feelings can be very strong and you can experience your surroundings very strongly. Your memory can be good but things leave a more emotional impression on you than a mental one. With memories tied to physical objects, family heirlooms, or places of significance. In some cases, the person may collect things out of emotional need or as a way to exert control over their environment.It will rarely happen that you will borrow money from others, you also do not talk much about it and can be very private when it comes to your finances. You can find comfort in intimacy or a strong emotional connection. You are a person who gives a lot but if you lose what you have given or if someone betrays you, it is difficult to trust again. The person may receive large inheritances that radically change their life, but the process might come with deep psychological challenges or conflicts regarding the use or management of that wealth.

Pluto in 3rd house-You can have a strong connection with your siblings or you can be very estranged from them. Here you can have siblings who can be jealous of you or are more intense, possessive. Your travels can be very transformative and can completely change the way you view the world, you can live away from your family for a long time. At some point in your life you may have to separate from your siblings due to moving, which can be very difficult for you. Siblings usually live somewhere far away. You have very strong opinions and like to explore topics that are deeper. Moving away from home is usually transformative and can also bring you difficult goodbyes. Many times moving can be emotional.

Pluto in 4th house- The relationship with your mother can be intense and your mother can have a big impact on you and your development. You may have a mother who is more possessive and controlling. Your mother may also have psychological problems at some point and you may be by her side a lot. The home may be in a darker neighborhood or somewhere more secluded, lonely or private. Your childhood and home environment may have been deeply transformative, possibly marked by power struggles, secrets, or emotional upheavals. There could be a dominant or controlling parent, or you may have felt like you had to protect yourself emotionally. Your family may have strong karmic ties, and you could feel a sense of duty to break generational patterns.

Pluto in 5th house- Your love life is anything but casual. Relationships can be obsessive, passionate, or transformative. You attract powerful or intense partners and might go through major changes in your romantic experiences. You express yourself with depth and intensity. Your art or creativity could have a dark, mysterious, or taboo element. If you have children, they could be a major source of transformation in your life. There may be power struggles or deep karmic connections.You might be drawn to high-risk, high-reward situations, whether in love, creativity, or even gambling. Passion is all or nothing. Pluto intensifies the need to gamble with life’s pleasures. There’s a strong urge for risk-taking, and gambling can become an outlet for this desire. The intense nature of Pluto could also manifest in gambling as an obsessive or addictive behavior.

Pluto in 6th house- Your routines are very strict and planned. You like to stick to a certain routine. You can become obsessed with your body or the way it looks and have a need to constantly change your body. You can have pets that change your life and have a strong influence on you. The death of a pet can be very painful and emotionally transformative. You tend to have a strong attachment to animals and are reluctant to trade one animal for another if you lose it. Work can change.Pluto in the 6th may indicate that marriage brings responsibilities, obligations, or power struggles that directly affect work and daily life. A partner might have control over work choices, either through direct influence (e.g., financial dependence) or indirectly (e.g., responsibilities in the marriage limiting career flexibility). If Pluto is negatively aspected, marriage could bring health issues due to stress, emotional burdens, or even legal restrictions related to work and location.Avoid toxic work environments. 

Pluto in 7th house- Marriage can be very transformative for you and bring about many changes. You usually have a partner who can have a great influence on you and you can learn a lot and transform emotionally through the relationship. The end of a relationship can be very painful and transformative for you, you can become a different person after that. The partner is usually intense, strong, very protective, can also be jealous,powerful, dominant, mysterious, or deeply transformative in some way. If connected to the 6th house or 12th house, health problems could be deep-rooted, chronic, or related to psychological/emotional trauma. The person may experience conflicts with doctors, hospitals, or medical treatments, needing to take control of their own healing process. The father may experience power struggles, hidden conflicts, or legal issues in later years. Mother may remarry or go through an intense personal transformation due to relationships in later years.

Pluto in 8th house-Here is a pluto in your house, which means it is more exposed to strong changes that will change your life. Pluto here can bring large inheritances, but often through dramatic or intense circumstances (family conflicts, legal battles, hidden assets). This placement naturally enhances psychic abilities, astral projection, and connections to the spirit world. Pluto in the 8th often makes a person fascinated with the occult, life after death, and deep esoteric knowledge. The native might deal with banking, stocks, loans, insurance, or business partnerships where power dynamics play a key role. Pluto here suggests that an aunt or uncle of the same sex may have intense experiences while traveling abroad, possibly involving financial, legal, or spiritual transformations. Many people with this placement experience near-death experiences (NDEs), strong premonitions about death, or a natural understanding of life’s transitions.

Pluto in 9th house- show long journeys to places that are more realistic, dark, and perhaps even dangerous. You  may be drawn to esoteric knowledge, secret teachings, hidden wisdom, or alternative education paths.  You might start with one field and completely change direction due to a life-altering event. You may experience culture shock, karmic encounters, or major transformations in a foreign land. You may experience a spiritual crisis that forces you to question everything you once believed. The person may gain money, power, or recognition through psychic work, astrology, or spiritual guidance. The parent of the opposite sex (father in a female’s chart, mother in a male’s chart) may experience major health crises, surgeries, or hidden illnesses. This parent might be a powerful influence in the native’s spiritual or philosophical development. Love relationships may involve people from different cultures, long-distance relationships, or karmic soul connections.

Pluto in 10th house- Maybe you always felt like your father had control over you or some kind of pressure from him. Government figures or other authoritative persons may be significant throughout the native’s life, either as mentors, power figures, or adversaries. There can be karma to resolve with authority figures, especially in the professional realm. Fame may come through overcoming significant challenges or gaining recognition for powerful work, leadership, or radical innovations. There may be ego challenges or times when the native’s pride and personal identity are tested by external forces(bosses, the government, public opinion). The death of the spouse could involve secrets, power struggles, or unresolved issues that require deep healing.

Pluto in 11th house-friendships are likely to be intense, transformative, and karmic.The native may attract friends who are powerful, mysterious, or transformative, or they may themselves be a transformative influence on their social circles. At times, the native may feel the need to let go of certain friends who no longer align with their path or whose influence feels controlling or manipulative. There could be an intense magnetism for certain types of experiences, hobbies, or items, possibly drawn to things that have a transformative or deeper meaning (e.g., items with a mystical or esoteric nature). They could spend money on social causes, innovative ideas, or group projects, often going all-in on what they believe in. There could be hidden opportunities for financial gain, career advancement, or personal growth through international connections. These agreements may involve powerful business partnerships, karmic connections, or even the transformation of beliefs and ideals when dealing with people from different cultural backgrounds. The native and their spouse may experience life-changing events or power struggles together, particularly when it comes to shared interests or future dreams.

Pluto in 12th house- This placement encourages self-help and self-healing, as the native has to confront the deepest, hidden aspects of their psyche. Opening up to others, particularly in terms of vulnerability, is a significant challenge for Pluto in the 12th house. The person might face losses that force them to confront the impermanence of life and to let go of attachments, but these events will also ultimately lead to rebirth. Pluto's influence in this house often signals emotional intensity, secret attachments, or unresolved issues from the pastthat come to the surface and cause the relationship to dissolve. The native may feel fated to experience psychic or spiritual awakenings in a place away from home, or they may undergo a deep psychological transformation while abroad. Living or working in a foreign country can help the person break free from the limitations of their past or ancestral patterns. Sleep can be a time of dreams and psychic experiences, and the individual may experience unusual dreams, often related to spiritual matters or psychological healing. The person may have a strong psychic intuition, an attraction to esoteric teachings, and a propensity for spiritual awakening. The native is often deeply connected to their soul's purpose and may feel an inner calling to undergo intense spiritual growth.

-Rebekah🧜🏻‍♀️🌊

[a-d-nox]

what's a dna (asteroid 55555) persona? what can a dna persona chart show you?

hypothetically, your dna chart can tell you more about the genetic predisposition of your health, what genetic diseases and mutations you are at risk for, your ancestry, and your genetic traits.

mini disclaimer: genetic/ethnicity/ancestry can be a delicate subject for a lot of people - this is is topical post about what the planets and houses could mean. i am not a doctor or geneticist - this chart can not be used to diagnose health issues/problems or anything else with 100% accuracy.

paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu

enjoy my work? help me continue creating by tipping on ko-fi or paypal. your support keeps the magic alive!

sun

your genetic identity, your projected vitality, genetic predispositions you should pay attention to, genetic prominence, genetic connects to royal/famous/infamous individuals, and/or how your genetics are different from your ancestors / what makes you an individual (not a clone - or perhaps different from a twin)

moon

what you inherited from your mother, your family's heritage, how your ancestors have adapt/evolved to make you who you are today, neanderthal ancestry ratios, hereditary menstrual issues, genetic fertility factors, and/or the brca / pcos / uterine fibroids gene

mercury

genetic mental health conditions, neurological conditions/diseases, taste/smell/hearing, how you can change your genetic "fate," what genetics can be forgot, aptitude to speak the languages of your ancestors, and/or how your daily routine affects your genetics (nature versus nurture)

venus

genetic attraction / who you attract to create viable offspring that is meant to survive, your genetic beauty, your ability to preform self love (aka your ability to cope with hereditary depression and anxiety), genetic hair type, genetic femininity (xx, x0, xxx, etc), genetics you share with a majority of your family, values and festivities with have due to heritage, genetics diabetes, genetic cheerfulness versus depression, and/or pcos gene

mar

genetic confidence in public speaking, competitiveness that makes your genes superior to past generations, genetic athleticism / muscle composition, genetic masculinity (xy, xxy, etc), genetic dominance, and/or prone to violence (neanderthal influence)

jupiter

where you are lucky in the genetic lottery, where you have an abundance of genetic information, where are successful in breaking genetic trends, your opportunity to beat the genetic odds, your knowledge of your genetic makeup, genetic blessings, where you can afford to be optimistic about your health, and/or genetic predisposition to macular degeneration

saturn

what you should work hard to be your genetic makeup, genetic health challenges, what you inherited from your father, genetics fears/anxieties, how long you can live if you are healthy, your genetic limitations, ancestry, genetic deficiencies, and/or the effort you make to beat your genetics

uranus

genetics of social anxiety, sudden changes historical genetics - where you are the first in your family diagnosed with a genetic mutation/disorder, what makes you genetically unique, and/or shocking/unexpected ancestry/origin

neptune

genetic alcoholism/escapism, hidden genetic knowledge or ancestry, delusions surrounding your heritage, disappearance of heritage, and/or the fascination you have with your ancestry and genetic

pluto

genetic transformation, the power in your genes, genetic sex, destructive genes, you genetic projected death, regenerative genes, your obsession with your genetics and heritage, and/or your genetic evolution

1h

genetic identity/self, outward physical traits / appearance, physical body, physical genetic build, genetic individuality, and/or passion for genetics

2h

genetic wealth, effort you put in to beat your genetics, genetic material, values surrounding your heritage, genetic stability, giving/receiving your heritage, and resources surrounding your genetics

3h

how your genetics are communicated, genetic mental health issues and disabilities, your opinions about your heritage, how you can consciously fight your genetics, genetic relationship with your siblings, interest in your heritage and genetics, and/or information you have on your ancestry and genetics

4h

genetic/familial origins and roots, your parents genetics, how you were treated in childhood based on your genetics, heredity traits, traditions you upload because of your heritage, and/or genetic femininity

5h

your children's genetics, creative methods of celebrating your heritage, who you are attracted to based on genetics/ethnicity, vacations you take to reconnect with your heritage/ethnicity, hobbies/festivities/traditions that are related to your ethnicity, and/or genetic fertility (pcos, fibroids, etc)

6h

how your daily routine is affecting your genetics or rather triggering your genetics, your genetic health, how fitness/hygiene/medication/diet can benefit for life expectancy because of genetic factors, the self improvement you do to fight genetic pre-destiny, how consistency aids/harms your health, how you help others to better understand their origin, and/or genetic analytics

7h

your significant others' ethnicity/heritage, genetic attraction, genetic attractiveness, contracts with genetic storage banks (for instance mine is in a 23&me storage data bank), how others treat you based on your genetics, and/or genetics share with those in your family

8h

dna mutations, projected longevity based on your genetic makeup, changes you should make to live longer, how much time invest into getting to know more about your genetics and heritage, what you inherited from your ancestors genetically, genetic reproductive rates, assets of your ethnicity, secrets about your ethnicity, the spiritual transformation that occurs when you learn more about your heritage/roots, and/or trauma related to race/ethnicity/heritage

9h

beliefs/religion/ideologies associated with your roots, what can learn about your heritage/ethnicity, languages associated with your roots, where your ancestors immigrated or where they emigrated from, genetic ethics, and/or what you can learn about your ancestors

10h

your genetic legacy/offspring, what the world believes your origins are, how you can beat genetics, long-term health goals you may have, what you inherit from your father, and/or genetic experts in your life

11h

what you gain from having knowledge of your ancestors, genetics you share with a half sibling, what makes you genetically unique, how technology can help you learn more about your genetic background, social awareness you have others ethnicities/culture/heritages, and/or how your genes manifest

12h

how you can heal using your genetic information, the hidden features of your genetic code, your projected age, how well you sleep based on your genetics, mental health issues you have a predisposition to, genetic fears you have in place so that you can survive, what you don't know about your genetics, and/or how you should restrict yourself to promote longevity/vitality

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© a-d-nox 2023 all rights reserved

[rallentando1011]

Rise Donnie x Plus Sized/Curvy gn Reader Ideas

Content: brief mention of insecurity in oneself, cuddles, intentionally bad flirting, cute fluff

Word Count: 1026

As a man of science and just an overall sensible, thoughtful person, he acknowledges that attraction obviously goes far beyond anything material

Personality, sense of humor, how well the participants click with each other being just a few of the numerous qualifications

However, having established that fact, that was not to say physique was completely nongermane from the topic of attraction

No, certainly not

Physical appearance is the cover of the book; while the best material is inside of the novel, and you shan’t judge a book by its outside, an enticing cover can definitely be admired and appreciated

Especially when that cover has curves like yours

Not to be crass in any regard, but the first thing he gawked at respectfully observed when meeting you was your stunning physicality overall

Your comely smile, your confident stature, those hips, your nice posture, stuff like that

(but seriously he was drinking in your movie star-like looks so adamantly that Mikey had to wave a hand in front of his face, Raph had to yell, and Leo had to bonk him on the head before he was back on this plane of reality)

(Leo was whacked right back, but that’s beside the point)

The point was, by Humboldt, he was not prepared for the Reuleaux triangle that was your waist

Eventually, after seeing you a few times, he managed to externally contain how whipped he was (because, in all honesty, he still admires you and your looks)

However, getting to indulge in learning your personality, reading into you, definitely beats the already auspicious initial impression he had of you

Oh, Galileo, you have a nice demeanor and genuinely enjoyable character?

Yes, please sign him up

Once you two are together, certainly expect him to randomly say the nicest compliments ever, how cool you are, how enjoyable your company is, how much he appreciates you

No prompting, no build up, just the softest, gushiest comments out of the blue

Just sharing the thoughts as they come to mind

He’s definitely the type to drop the worst pick up lines/puns to ever exist, sardonically, of course

But you parry that blade right back

Once while he was tinkering in his lab with you sitting beside him, he abruptly asked if you were Copper and Tellurium

You were puzzled until you pieced together the chemical symbols of those elements respectively - CuTe. That one was bad

You deadpanned before grinning mischievously back at him, asking if he was from Tennessee

Puzzled, he stuttered for a moment before you interjected with “Because you’re the only ten-I-see”

Both of you physically tensed as you said the line, but the awkwardness quickly dissolved into laughter and the exchange of more similar sayings

It was safe to say the pick up line war that ensued meant not much productivity occurred in the lab that day

On Halloween, absolutely expect to have the crème de la crème of costumes

Whether you two are dressing up together or wearing your own attire

Oh, you’re customizing your costume? Are you talking enamel pins, sewing, 3D printing? Whichever or whatever it is he is SO on board and will absolutely volunteer his assistance

That being said, don’t enlist his help unless you’re prepared for it to get needlessly complex, e.x. possibly some mechanics, so many intricate details

It’ll be a project, but the fun times along the way and the killer final product will be worth it

Trust that during the cold months of the year that cuddles will be abundant (insulation in the sewers of New York City shockingly has quite a steep price, so calling you over is easier)

Movie nights, sitting with an arm slung around you, bundled up with your knees ever so slightly resting on his

Working on blueprints or small tweaks in the lab with you swished beside him on his desk chair (Is it a little cramped? Yes. Would he ignore the slight inconvenience of his workspace and ability being hampered for your company? Also yes.)

Sleepovers and late-night cuddles with your back pressed to his plastron, your legs curled with his practically adhered to the back of yours, his arms wrapped loosely around your abdomen, his thumbs soothingly tapping your sides, his chin tucked onto your shoulder

However, cuddles that thorough would only occur on nights where he’s feeling really lonely or tired, like after a long fight, or a mind-melting project, or if it’s been a long time since you’ve seen each other or shown affection like that

Snuggles outside of that domain normally consisted of laying with your sides pressed to each other and that’s it

Or, another typical means of cuddling, both of you curled up on your sides, facing inward, knees and foreheads gently pressed together as you feel each other’s featherlight breaths, soft reminders that the other’s still there

No matter which way you ended up cuddling in, it never failed to send a wave of warm relaxation crashing peacefully over you

Until he fell asleep

Snoring, drooling, kicking, if you name it, he did it in his slumber

Some nights you would wake up to being shoved unceremoniously off of the bed by an innocently sleeping Donatello

Other nights, instead of pushing you away, he pulled you even tighter to him, wrapping you up in each and every limb

His sleeping habits were not suitable for having a companion at his side

You assumed it was because of his dreams or the temperature or something, but all you knew for sure was that every time you slept beside him was its own unique adventure

If you have insecurities or any self-consciousness, whether it be physical or mental, he just doesn’t understand it at first

How could someone so incredible in his eyes not see themself the same way?

But then he considers his own mentality, his own insecurities and doubts, and comforts you any way you need

Words of affirmation? He’s got you

Hugs? He can manage that

Just need him to be there for you? He will be

Bottom line, whatever your size or build may be, he fully embraces and supports you

[mwolf0epsilon]

At some point I should definitely sit down and figure out designs for my versions of the humanized engines, but for now while I'm still dealing with other art projects, all I got are vague details for what some of them do outside of work.

Edward I feel like would be a model train enthusiast. He's not got the largest or fanciest apartment, but he does have a section of his living room dedicated to a layout he's been building for years. It's a bit of a conversation starter whenever he has guests over. The messiness of materials strewn around that one space is a massive contrast to just how tidy the rest of his home is. It's like that's his one bubble to let loose and not worry about anything but enjoying himself.

Emily strikes me as a collector of vinyls and detective novels. Her living space is thematically constructed to almost look like a noir detective's office, with a flair for the romantic here and there. It's not something you'd be able to tell right away at a first glance, but once you get to know her you just notice what the aesthetics are about.

Gordon is into photography as both an art and as a means to document and preserve memories he holds dear to him. He has converted his guest room into a darkroom, and has album after album, box after box, just filled to the brim with photos of varying topics and quality. When almost all of your family is gone and all you have left of them are preserved physical fragments of the few precious moments you had with them, you start to value the true power of a camera. It's the only way he knows to show love without being openly affectionate (it's also the only way he knows how to show love without feeling uncomfortable or exposed).

Despite his dyslexia Percy is into writing. His one sanctuary in his shared apartment is the study, where he practices various forms of literary arts. Novel ideas, poetry, even drafts for news funnies are strewn about his desk (and sometimes forgotten on the floor when a grand new idea frenzied its way out of the back of his mind and into being) and essentially decorating the study in chaotic yet endearing fashion. You can just tell the passion that goes into every piece, even if all of them are essentially WIPs that Percy never really has time to finish.

Just a few nuggets of ideas for the lives of humanized engines. And there's a lot more where these came from, I just have no time right now to really articulate the ideas I have.

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

Powers post!

I wrote something up on COG yesterday which explains the entire cast's powers in a little more detail, and I thought it'd be nice to crosspost here.

Here you are!

Altruists

Dion - Can create energy projections which emerge from terrain, e.g. walls, floors, ceilings. These can also extend from each other to a more limited extent. They specifically seem to manifest as geometric shapes, as in, rather than just a vertical energy barrier, it would be a cube-shaped projection

Mal - Exceptional durability/resistance towards physical harm (cuts, blunt trauma, etc.) Capable of altering their own appearance, including height/bulk, but not precisely enough to accurately mimic others (could maybe hold up to a cursory inspection, but nothing more)

Kay - As well as having sheeplike physiology, she is able to absorb impact (and energy to some extent?) and ‘charge’ herself with it, resulting in an electrical aura. More charge = harder hits and greater speed.

Teddie - Constant bone growths that push through his skin. Luckily for him, his body works with these to not be, y’know, constantly bleeding everywhere. Unluckily for him, he still feels the growth. And he can only get rid of them by breaking them off. He’s able to influence/stimulate growth to an extent, allowing him to construct exoskeletal armour for missions (hence his more elaborate setup on the two jobs so far)

Wil - Able to drain energy from others via touching them, temporarily boosting their own strength and speed. Apparently works on constructs like Portrait’s too, neat!

Hounds

Surpass - Super strength, durability, and speed. Doesn’t work quite as straightforwardly as advertised, but we’ll get into that in time. ; )

Vantage - Creates precognitive simulations which enable her to predict roughly how likely a given course of events is to happen. The more information she has on the topic, the better her prediction. Has limitations: introducing outside factors to a simulation will likely render the previous simulation useless, and she’ll have to do it again, and she doesn’t have infinite concentration/mental energy to constantly run every possible permutation of events at all times. 97.65% was a bluff.

Arcade - Shoots lasers!! - fires colourful lasers from his hands, growing in intensity the longer he charges them up. Easily capable of causing burns/starting fires.

Enfilade - Augment. Cybernetically enhanced in various ways, boosting physical capabilities. Most prominently, her arms are almost entirely artificial, and one forearm houses a powerful bolt launcher.

Portrait - ‘Paints’ constructs from inorganic material, with the creations taking on some characteristics from the material (i.e. a concrete construct would be hard-skinned). The constructs have limited autonomy and are heavily reliant Portrait’s orders, which as you can imagine is a significant weakness. Struggles to maintain more than three at a time, though there’s no diffusion of overall power (they don’t get weaker as he makes more) Unclear whether the animal theme is a preference or a requirement.

Phalanx - Telekinetic manipulation of metal (so nope, she’s not Magneto). Metal she’s manipulating exerts force roughly proportional to the weight/size, meaning she’s liable to dragging herself around. Though that essentially renders her capable of flight, score!

Coven

Hypothesis - Still a secret!

Catalyst - Physical attacks are repeated threefold. He punches you once, you feel it thrice. One two three.

CG - Superhumanly perfect balance. As in “can run on walls and stand on pretty much anything capable of bearing her weight” perfect.

Variable - Can teleport themself a short distance, leaving behind a weird membrane like they just shed a shell.

Gremlink - Augment. Cybernetically enhanced with a particular view towards integrating tech with her senses. Absolutely none of this was done through legal channels. Tinkers her own cyberware because, to be frank, she’s possessed of a reckless disregard for her own safety.

Lullaby - They sing, you snooze.

WPP

Ranger - Can produce a temporary chameleon-like effect, allowing him to blend in with his surroundings. Maybe chameleon isn’t quite the right word as it’s maybe a bit more like stealth camo from Metal Gear? Anyway, he goes gloes to invisible, albeit still possible to make out a silhouette, with effort.

Hit - Greatly enhanced accuracy, especially with projectiles. Technically works in close combat but uhhh he’s kind of shit in a fistfight.

Mis - Greatly enhanced reflexes. Operates on kind of a scale depending on how close and direct something threatening physical harm is. Hence, in a straight up brawl it’s nigh-impossible to land a clean strike. Nowhere near as effective with grappling or indirect attacks, and, well, she doesn’t have eyes in the back of her head and she’s no stronger than any other young adult in decent shape.

[tavyliasin]

Disability Pride Essays - Halsin, Carer Fatigue, and The End Of Healing's Path

Halsin might be one of the last characters you’d be thinking of with disability parallels and chronic conditions - he seems to be pretty well adjusted, arguably easily the most stable of the companions - but that’s where we find another couple of angles to the topic. First is around carers, and the potential for burnout when someone takes on the responsibility for the wellbeing of too many others. The second is more about how Halsin’s story can show us what recovery can look like much further down the line, the result of time, work, and healing. So there is a little mild mention of trauma, but nothing in depth, so whilst there is still a CW here for talk of mental health and healing, it shouldn't be as heavy as other topics. Still, know yourself and feel free to skip whatever you're not in the right place to read~ Your well-being matters. So I hope you’ll forgive me for this one being a little less direct than our other character examinations, but it’s still a topic well worth covering~ 

What is Halsin’s Disability?

When you look deeply and closely at Halsin’s character, and listen to the little throwaway lines he can drop so very casually, you’ll notice a couple of things. First, he talks very casually about an incident that sounds intensely traumatic - years of being held captive by drow - but in a way that suggests, along with his actions, that he’s no longer struggling with the impact of this trauma but has come to accept it. There’s another aspect, too, that we see in the romance scene where he struggles with intense emotions physically transforming him into a bear. Now, this is obviously not a real disability that we see in the real world, but plenty of people do struggle with overwhelming emotions that can leave them feeling like someone different or unable to communicate in the ways they normally would. Beyond this, we see a carer. Someone whose instinct is to support, listen, and quite simply help in any way he can. When we first meet him, he’s very quick to offer his aid in dealing with the tadpoles even if he doesn’t have the solution yet. Halsin simply wants to do everything he can, because he can. 

How Do We See The Disability In The Game?

The bear transformation is something we only really see happening without his choosing to in the romance scene, though at this point I’m almost certain that those of you who haven’t romanced him have encountered the scene somewhere by now. It’s one of the most famous scenes for how unexpected it is, and has been in plenty of promotional materials at this point. Arguably what we see most from Halsin through the game is in his interactions with others, and also if he’s Orin’s victim the things she says in his form are instantly gut-wrenching - talking about being held captive, tortured into losing control, harming innocents - these are easily what we can interpret to be Halsin’s worst fears about himself. Things he keeps well controlled and very carefully in check, with his instinct being to help not harm, although we know it isn’t Halsin, there’s a moment where it’s believable. Painful. And it works because it can reflect the real fears that people who have worked hard on their mental health can have about having a bad day and saying or doing things they would never consciously choose.

How Does This Reflect Real Life?

The thing I keep coming back to as I think about Halsin and his story is how he is similar to Astarion in some ways, which might well entirely be some heavy personal projection going on I’ll admit that one! But where Astarion shows us the early stages of recovery, of trauma still fresh and the difficulties of healing from it, Halsin shows us later stages. There’s more time that has passed, more work that has been done within himself and outside of himself. As a result Halsin has come to that point where he accepts the things that he has endured, even if they are still painful and he doesn’t approve of them, and they are no longer impacting his day to day life. Arguably we see this most clearly when he is quite happy to join in at the brothel with the Drow, despite his past experiences. Now, all that said, there is a point that can be made that someone who talks too casually about their past trauma might not have processed it in the best way, but for the most part what we have is someone who seems to be coping well in their day to day. It’s quite relatable, to see both the earlier stages of healing and those later ones, and comparing them can be helpful to see how far we have come in ourselves as well as the potential place we could be if we keep going. Otherwise, what we have in Halsin is the closest thing Faerun has to a therapist and/or carer. Whilst leadership isn’t his aim entirely, it’s a role he naturally falls into because he has that calm and understanding presence that many around him respect. Arguably, leadership isn’t good for him either - not because he’s bad at it, but because like many who fall into a caring role for the people around them, he doesn’t know when to stop. That’s the thing with caring, you don’t want to say “no, sorry, I can’t help you” even if you’re running on empty. But eventually there has to be a limit, for your own well-being. Just this morning I came across a meme that fits perfectly: “You can’t pour from an empty cup” doesn’t entirely work, because all you get from that is nothing. “You can’t boil and empty kettle” is far more accurate, because not only do you risk damaging the kettle if you keep trying to boil it whilst empty, if you really push it you might just set the whole kitchen on fire.

And this, really, is what we have going on in the Grove in Act 1. Not only is Halsin trying to lead and protect the druids, but he’s also taking in the Tiefling refugees, then going out after the goblins to investigate and protect everyone. He’s stretched himself too thin, not asked for help when it is needed, and as a result we have a Grove in chaos with nobody to prevent the conflicts from escalating between druids and Tieflings, Halsin himself captured, and the goblins now know the way to the Grove to stage an all out attack if the druids don’t perform a forbidden rite first. It’s a mess, and one he has landed in by trying to lead from the front with his fingers in too many pies, but when you do that too much you won’t know which fingers have gravy on and which have custard any more. Maybe that’s a very silly analogy, but good gods did I realise that I’ve been far too close to this myself with taking on too many projects. Luckily I usually know where the line is before ending up in captivity in a goblin castle, but if you’re also reading this and feeling like it’s getting a bit close to home: take a break before you burn down the kitchen. 

Therapy and Therapists

When we look at Halsin as a therapist-like character, which admittedly may come more from the fan created content than the game, there’s plenty there that reflects life. There are a good number of people who go into therapy and care professions because they have direct experience with mental and physical health difficulties. There is a reason why all therapists also see a therapist themselves to cope with their work, and whilst it isn’t universal there is a reasonable venn diagram of people who have felt the same over this. To borrow from my own prior essays, “to truly understand suffering is to avoid being its cause”. Those who have felt harm will often seek to reduce it in others. It’s almost a shame that we don’t get to explore this much further, with how he can easily be a healing and stabilising presence for many of the companions, but that’s where fan works can come in and build on that foundation. I admit I often find myself thinking about how Halsin might use his experience and deep capacity for care to work with each and every one of the companions to help them heal from their own wounds. That, in itself, can be cathartic and soothing. I highly recommend it.

Taking On Too Many Burdens

So that downside of being a carer… I’ve already covered some of this, but we are very close to having a burned out Archdruid crumbling under the immense pressure in Act 1, then we go straight in to Act 2 where he has to face the consequences of past mistakes and all of the guilt that goes along with that. It’s clear he has not forgiven himself for what happened with the Shadow Curse, Thaniel, and Shar’s influence spreading over the region. This can sometimes be seen in real life, too, where someone has tried to help and made things worse, given bad advice, or generally made mistakes that they quietly hold on to for decades. Forgiving ourselves is hard, even when we rationalise it, look at it objectively to know we were young and didn’t know any better, or didn’t have the experience needed to help in the way we would now. But I want to take a moment to remind everyone still here that we are only human, not perfect, not infallible. Mistakes are how we learn, and we should focus on what we can do rather than what we cannot change. In Halsin’s story, we know he has been avoiding the Shadow Curse. He even tells the player that the land should be avoided if at all possible, because he knows the danger there, but still offers to be a guide. It’s difficult to face up to past mistakes, but with the right help and support, Halsin is able to find a way to help at last and ease that burden from his own heart. He’s no longer turning away, running from it, or feeling like there’s nothing he can do - instead he is able to find that solution with the help of the player and companions, healing the land as he heals himself. This really can be such a reflection of trauma and how we handle our mistakes, as well as the importance of knowing when we have taken on too much and need help and support. Just as Halsin asks the player to help him find a way to break the curse, to fight for him to keep the portal open as he retrieves Thaniel, we can see this as a parallel to a carer asking for help or respite care. It’s not saying “this is a terrible burden that I don’t want to bear” but instead “my strength has a limit, your help will make it possible to keep going”. With that support, with being able to know the Harpers can take care of the refugees, Halsin is able to find not only the healing for the land but begin to heal the hurt from the weight of responsibility he has shouldered alone for centuries. And just as a side note here, for those wondering why he seems so guilty about it all, there’s some lore from Early Access that was eventually cut from the game that explains he was the cause of the curse when he accidentally killed Isobel - that set off the sequence of events leading to Ketheric’s desperate actions, Aylin’s imprisonment, and Shar’s curse settling over the land. 

The End of the Path of Healing

Act 3 for Halsin, if the curse has been lifted, really continues to reinforce that this is someone who has learned from his mistakes - both the recent and the distant past. He’s not rushing back to take over the Grove again once his work is done with the Elder Brain, instead he’s finding a new path. One that still allows him to be in nature where he wishes to be, helping the cursed lands continue to heal, as well as caring for the refugees and others who need a place to go. In the epilogue, too, it sounds as if he has learned not to take on all the responsibility himself either, instead sharing the work of caring for his people so that if he is gone for a few days he doesn’t need to worry about it crumbling apart or falling to friction and arguments like the Grove once did under Kagha’s leadership. Halsin shows us that although we cannot take on everything ourselves, we can resolve things when we have the right help and support. He also shows us that our mistakes won’t always define us, nor can our traumas, and although they cannot be erased or undone, there are ways we can reconcile them with ourselves. To move forwards with what we have learned and reach a point where we are no longer so deeply haunted by them.

What We Can Learn From Halsin’s Story

There are a few things we can learn from Halsin’s experiences and how they are portrayed in the game, and largely they serve as an example of that later stage of healing and reconciling past experiences with the present self. This might for some feel like a reflection of themselves now, but for others instead it can be an example that it is possible to make that progress and reach that goal.

Whilst we do see that moment of Halsin not being able to control his Wild Shape in the heat of intense emotions (in this case, lust and passion), it’s also shown that he still does have that control. That he’s learned how to handle that change and bring himself back to where he wants to be - in this case, going from non-verbal in bear form to resuming his usual body shape and calming himself. I feel like this can serve as a good example that although our emotions might still have moments that they overwhelm us, once we have taken that time to process them and learn how to cope with them, we can use those techniques to bring ourselves back to where we want to be. Not easily, of course, but we won’t always be completely at the mercy of the whims of powerful emotions. They’re still there, but what has changed is how we cope with them. Really what I’d like to take away today is that caring for others is a good and positive thing to do, but there must always be a limit. Drawing that line is going to be tough, naturally, but if we continue to try to do too much with caring for others we risk neglecting our own needs and ending up in a much worse place. It’s alright to ask for support even when you’re providing it to someone else, whether through a professional career or through a more casual role of being a carer for a loved one or simply supporting friends through hard times. You won’t always be able to do it all alone, and this is not a failing. It’s normal and reasonable to need respite, help, and support of your own. In the wider experiences of disability, many of us who are disabled learn this the hard way, that we might want independence but there are quite solid limitations to that which need to be worked with and around instead of fighting against them and making things worse. Many of us rely on carers and support to differing degrees, so it is also important to recognise when they may need reminding about not boiling that empty kettle.

So as we finish off this last of the planned long pieces, I encourage you all to keep in mind that healing is possible. That you can be a support to others in the ways that you once needed yourself. But to not let it be to your own detriment, you are still worthy of care and support even as you provide it to others. 

[queenshelby]

The Law Student (Rewritten)

Part Two: Tutoring

Pairing: Cillian Murphy (20) & Reader (30)

Note: This plays in 1996, just before Cillian drops out of law school.

Three days after you had agreed to tutor Cillian, you also began to tutor a young woman by the name of Siobhan. Siobhan was in her second year of the Law program; hence, you didn't have her for any of your lectures.

Siobhan was twenty-one and straight-forward, independent, and easy-going. In addition to her obvious academic prowess, she possessed a strong and assertive personality, something that could only be described as an asset in such a demanding field while, at other times, it would be rather frustrating.

Confidence was Siobhan’s middle name; you respected her for it, although you could tell that she struggled with her own insecurities and self-doubt at times, something that she masked through her feisty behavior and sharp wit.

"Are you okay Siobhan?" you asked half way through the session when you noticed the frown on her forehead and her restlessness while you were trying to explain the intricacies of a particularly challenging legal precedent.

Siobhan sighed deeply, almost defeatedly. "Sorry Miss Y/LN, I am just distracted," she admitted. "I have a lot going on at the moment. There is this guy who's really messing with my head. He is such an eejit," she confessed, raking her slender fingers through her mane of chestnut hair, evident as she glanced downwards, avoiding your gaze.

"Well, I am afraid I can't help you with that, but I can give you a little break if you like. Maybe getting some air will make you feel better?" you suggested, offering a gentle smile in her direction.

Siobhan looked up, meeting your gaze gratefully. "Thank you, Miss Y/LN. A little break sounds good," she confirmed and you both stood up, setting your books aside and allowing the fresh air to fill the room. You could see the relief in Siobhan's features as they relaxed into a more natural state of being while you started talking about less academic-related topics silently acknowledging the need for a distraction.

Siobhan was from a wealthy family with high expectations and you learned later in the day, after your tutoring session had already come to an end, that the young man who was causing her grief was no other Cillian, the student who had captured your undivided attention ever since the first day of classes.

You did not know what happened between them and you knew that, under no circumstances, could you get involved. Not only were you his professor, but you were also her tutor and as such you had to keep your distance both physically and emotionally.

As such, you made a mental note to keep a comfortable distance between Cillian and yourself, hoping that this would solve your ever growing attraction towards this much younger man.

**********

Thursday arrived faster than you expected. You had spent the last two days preparing your lesson plan for Cillian's tutoring session.

You wanted to make sure that the material you covered was relevant to his struggles in Contracts and Torts and, as you reviewed his previous exams and assignments, you noticed a pattern in his mistakes. He often misapplied legal principles to specific cases, highlighting his lack of confidence in his understanding of the subject matter.

Just as you had planned, you arrived at the small lecture room early as your heart was beating a little faster than usual. You had prepared extensively for this session, and you were eager to help Cillian work through his challenges.

The room felt strangely intimate with its small round table and four chairs placed in the center of it. You took a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves. You were a seasoned lawyer who had tutored many law students before either at work or through a university project you were part of, but there was something about Cillian that made you feel a little more off balance than usual. 

You heard a knock on the door, and Cillian walked in, a sheepish look on his face.

"Sorry, I'm a bit early," he said nervously, biting his lower lip as he walked in and you smiled at him, trying to hide your nerves.

"No problem at all, Cillian. Come on in, take a seat," you told him with a smile, and he sat down across from you, and you could feel your heart racing. 

"So, we're going to focus on Contracts and Torts today. I see that you've been making some good progress, but there are a few areas where you could use some improvement," you observed and Cillian nodded, looking serious.

"I appreciate the help, Miss Y/LN," he told you before admitting that, perhaps, he had not spent enough time studying for these subjects in recent weeks.

"It's just so boring ," he said quietly, and you could not help but laugh at his honesty.

"Yes, it can be, especially when you don't fully understand the material," you agreed, recalling your own experiences as a student when you found certain legal concepts dry and tedious. But, you continued, "it's important to push through that and find ways to make the material interesting and applicable to real life situations. That way, you're less likely to forget it and more likely to excel in both the classroom and as a lawyer."

Cillian nodded, appearing to take in every word. "Yeah, I don't even know if I want to be a lawyer which might be part of my problem," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "I wanted to study theatre, but my father didn't think it was a practical option. He wanted me to have a stable career, and I kinda just went along with it because I didn't want to disappoint him."

You paused, taken aback by the vulnerability in his voice. "Well, Cillian, it's important to do what you love," you said gently. "And it's never too late to change paths.

If you are passionate about theater, then you should pursue it. Life is too short to spend it doing something you don't enjoy," you said, empathizing with the young man who sat across from you.

You has been in his shoes before, feeling the pressure to conform to others' expectations rather than following your true passions. You knew firsthand how it felt to sacrifice one's own happiness for the sake of others.

Cillian looked up at you, his deep blue eyes searching yours. "Yeah, I know. But, it's not that easy," he  responded with a hint of frustration. "I need to figure things out. I need to know what I want to do with my life. But, that's really not your problem,"  Cillian said, attempting to diffuse the sudden heaviness in the room with a weak smile as you sat there, watching his actions intently.

You returned the smile, albeit a little more sympathetically. "I understand, Cillian. Trust me, I do. Just know that I'm here to help you figure things out, whether it's with contracts, torts, or just finding your path," you offered, hoping to reassure him while, almost inadvertently, placing your hand on top of his in a comforting manner.

Cillian's eyes widened at the contact, but he didn't pull away. Instead, he looked at you with a mixture of confusion and gratitude. The tension between you was palpable, and you both knew that something had shifted in the room, which is when you quickly removed your hand , returning it to your lap.

"Uhm, so how about we start with Torts ?" you suggested, hoping that diving into the lesson would help to dispel the tension.

Cillian nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, sure. That sounds good," he replied, fidgeting slightly in his chair.

Over the next hour, you worked through a series of Torts in painstaking detail, hoping to help Cillian understand the subject matter more fully. He took notes diligently and asked insightful questions that revealed a deeper level of understanding than you had initially anticipated.

Cillian's curiosity about the subject matter was infectious and you leaned in to look over his shoulder as he wrote down some notes .

Your proximity to him sent a flutter of butterflies through his stomach and he seemed to tense up slightly under your gaze. 

Inhaling your scent , a blend of vanilla and jasmine, did not help his composure in the slightest, and for a moment, a faint blush surfaced on his cheeks which was a blush that grew even heavier when you leaned in and pointed to two of the sentences he had written down. 

"These two points are crucial. Without proving both of these doctrines you cannot possibly establish a case of negligence," you stated as you traced the lines with your finger while accidentally brushing against his hand, sending sparks flying between you. 

Cillian swallowed hard, nodding his understanding. "That makes sense," he said, his voice barely above a whisper and, by this point, the intensity in his gaze was enough to make your heart race.

"Your hair smells really nice by the way," Cillian then added suddenly as your curls had been so close to his face and you blinked in surprise, your face heating up at the unexpected compliment.

You didn't know how to respond , that simple gesture had caught you off guard, and you took a moment to recover before replying with a soft, "thanks" before stepping back to create some distance between the two of you.

You wondered if Cillian could sense the tension in the room, tension that went beyond mere physical attraction and veered into uncharted territory.

Taking a deep breath, you decided that the most professional thing to do would be to focus on his education, putting your own feelings to the side.

"So, shall we continue?" you asked, although your voice trembled slightly and Cillian nodded, his own breathing uneven.

"Yes, sure," he replied, his eyes never leaving yours  and, for a moment, the world outside that little lecture room seemed to fade away.

You cleared your throat, trying to refocus your attention on the task at hand. "Okay, so let's go over this next case together," you said, picking up a folder and handing it to him.

Cillian took the folder and opened it, his eyes scanning the pages as you began to explain the details of the case.

You noticed, however, that his gaze constantly drifted towards you, and a flush of warmth crept up your neck as the weight of his stare settled on you and it was almost like he did not even bother to hide his attraction.  Every now and then, you would catch him glancing at you from the corner of his eye, the smallest of smiles playing at the corners of his lips. You cleared your throat and shifted uncomfortably in your seat, trying to focus on your lesson instead of the young man sitting across from you.

Eventually, time passed and you managed to finish the session without any more awkward moments, though not without a bit of difficulty. You couldn't help but feel a constant tension between the two of you, as if you were both dancing on a knife's edge.

Cillian packed up his things, managing a smile as he did so. "Well, uhm, thank you, Miss Y/LN," he said. "This was really helpful,"  he admitted before pausing for a moment, his eyes searching yours.

You smiled at him, trying to make light of the situation. "You did all the work, Cillian. I'm just here to guide you," you told him truthfully, proud of the progress that he had made.

Cillian grinned, a hint of playfulness in his eyes as he stood up, ready to leave.

"Well, you did a fantastic job of guiding me then," he replied as he slung his backpack over his shoulder but, just as Cillian walked towards the door, he hesitated, turning back to face you. "And I was wondering whether, maybe, you would like to grab a drink with me?"  Cillian asked, his eyes sparkling with an unexpected boldness that was both endearing and intriguing.

Your breath caught in your throat as the request took you by surprise. "What? Now?" you stammered, your mind racing as you tried to think of a polite way to decline.

Cillian shook his head, his cheeks coloring underneath your surprise. "No, not now, of course. I just thought maybe, on the weekend or whenever you are free?" he said, his voice softer than before, as if he were afraid of scaring you off.  His proposal caught you off guard, sending a surge of conflicting emotions through you. You hesitated, unsure of what to say and how to say it.

" I uh, I appreciate the offer, Cillian," you stammered, trying to regain your composure. "But, I think that this would be highly unprofessional of me." You knew that giving into your temptations would only lead to trouble. Not only was there a significant age gap between the two of you, but you were also his professor. Such a relationship could only result in disaster.

Cillian looked disappointed, but he nodded, understanding. "I understand, Miss Y/LN. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he said, and you could hear the hurt in his voice but, before you could respond, he quickly turned and left the room, and you were left alone, feeling even more conflicted than before. 

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[spotaus]

Tauverse thought!

All of the boys (except Cross, rip Cross) love working on all sorts of projects that bring them back to the days that they were Sans. (I like to think Killer was from a normal timeline, Dust was from a Dadster timeline, and Horror came from a handplates version of his au. So, in this vein, they also all have preferred specialities.

Killer likes to study magic, sure, but he's figured out he likes chemistry a lot too. He can recite the periodic table off the back of his head no-sweat, and can probably make at least 5 explosives with just some stuff lying around the mansion thanks to chemical reactions :] However he takes his practice very seriously, so he's only liable to mess stuff up in *other* aus when on missions. In the mansion he's the go-to for getting stains out of your shirts and destroying evidence of wrongdoing. He has at least 1 jar of highly corrosive material up on his shelf.

Dust is an engineer at heart. His dad was always good with the living stuff, but Dust was responsible for a LOT of the wacky traps and conveyor belts in Hotland back in the day, and he only fell out of experimenting and building when he had to start taking care of Paps. He'll do all sorts of stupid shit around the mansion. His most iconic was when he installed orange lazers in the hall outside Killer's room just outside his door. No one ever got hurt, but Nightmare made him take them out. To quell the pranks, Nightmare set Dust on a quest to install blue-magic traps on every window, exit, and entrance of the mansion. For security purposes. Dust also delights in making Killer random upgrades for his prosthetic once he convinces him + gets Nightmare's permission (technically-).

Horror's main field is Physics. He doesn't exactly remember how or when he stumbled across the passion, but he thinks it was when he and Paps stayed with Asgore for a little while and he got ahold of a book of constellations. His specific track is Astrophysics but he dabbles in particle-physics too. He's a bit out of practice, the head injury sure doesn't help and his field is a lot harder to casually study than the others (Especially in a universe with no stars and no access to any big particle colliders) but Nightmare does his best to let Horror visit surface AUs and go to observatories with telescopes and big ol' satellite dishes whenever possible. The others are also shockingly encouraging when Horror brings up a good point only to lose his train of thought halfway through, usually prompting him back to it because they were genuinely curious.

The three tend to have nights where they don't have a mission the next day and they'll sit there and talk about their favorite topic, current project, plans, etc. They used to do it secretly in the training room but now they have a dedicated white-board in the main living room just for it. (Their marker colors are: Purple (Dust), Blue (Killer), Green (Horror), Red (Nightmare), Pink (Cross))

It used to be just Killer and Dust for a long time, but after Killer's leg Horror finally stopped being so nervous around them.

Nightmare occasionally sits in because. Well. He's from a universe where he's pretty sure people were still blood-letting to heal sickness in areas without magic, so most of this "science" is something new to him. It's a good bonding activity because Nightmare gets to see the guys passionate and excited to talk about something, and the guys see Nightmare as a bit more down to Earth, if just briefly.

And at some point Cross is dragged into the hang-out nights and encouraged to talk. He doesn't *do* science though, he'd always been training for the royal guard. So the others tell him to just talk about *something*, doesn't have to be science, and it results in Cross going on long linguistic rants. Because while he was with Dream he got to meet Epic, and Color (a different one from the dead one), and Delta, and CORE Frisk, and a bunch of other aus and got curious about why people all had different speech patterns and dug into that... a lot. And everyone's really just interested and they'll sometimes request explanations of words/phrases for the next time they meet up-

But yeah. Nightmare tries to keep them curious and motivated (Ccino's suggestion) and letting them indulge their interests really helps.