#PLEASE LORD GIVE THIS TO ME

[finalgowrl]

oh i am not well

[deny3verything]

imagine being eomer. you’re out hunting with the guys when three randos seemingly materialize from thin air, and then procede to tell you that

a) garden gnomes are actually real (and they are personal friends with at least 2)

b) they had passed through the “cursed forest,” and the “monsters” there are actually so cool that one guy is about to physically fight you for disrespecting slender man

c) two of your good family friends have died tragically

d) one guy pulls out the actual nemean lion skin and declares himself to be the descendant of hercules, with indisputable proof right there in front of you

and so naturally, not only do you believe the three insane strangers you just met in the middle of nowhere, but you also give them your police friend’s cop car, ONLY under the condition that they bring it back!!! because otherwise you will probably be actually killed lol byee. what a normal day

[haarute]

willing her into existence this week

[jangmi-latte]

TELELET 📞📳📞TELELET📞📳📞CAN I HALP U?👀🧐😈TELELET📞📳📞TELELET📞📳📞 BORK🐶🐶BORK🐶🐶BORK🐶🐶AYAYAY🎶🎶 AYM🤭🤪 YOR LITOL😝😍😍BATIRPLAY🦋🦋AYAYAY🎶🎶🎶AYM😅😅🤩YOR LITOL😘😘😍BATERPLAY🦋🦋AYAYAY🎶🎶AYM🤩😅🤩YOR LITOL😍🤩😍 BATIRPLAY🦋 call me old fashioned, but i was born to serve vil. i do the laundry, cook dinner, clean dishes. i live to serve & carry out every demand of his on the slightest whim, its what i was put on this earth to do. if he cheats on me then its my fault! he caught me slipping. *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the mouth uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~ Wheeeee! Oinka oinka! Haaaaaaheeee! A- whooooga A-whoooooga! Aaaaaargh! Hneeeeeeeee! Fnrgh! Grunt grunt! Hinggggg! Whazzo! Boink jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely.

[emo-nova]

Okay, au where Shen Yuan is the older than Shen Jiu and Yue Qing. And this boy just goes "I'm a single mother of two" mode, he is responsible but is on the fringes of unhealthily independent as to make sure both of these kids get food and water and have a somewhat decent childhood.

Shen Jiu most likely sees Shen Yuan as a reliable adult but with a bad penchant of focusing too much on Shen Jiu and Yue Qi for resources. Yue Qi sees the same but wants to help Shen Yuan in getting more food and water.

Of course when the Qiu House comes knocking, Shen Yuan puts himself in the stead of Shen Jiu and ensures both of them leave. While Shen Yuan tries to both get a better standing in the house and looking to leave over the course of the years, he doesn't hold out much hope for Shen Jiu and Yue Qi to come back.

Last SY saw of them, they were kids, thin and tiny and barely fast enough to outrun adults. But when almost a decade comes, both of them rock up.

SJ is pissed, but looks composed, but still ready to burn the place down. YQ is livid, looking calm as anything, but is talking very nicely with the Young Master of the house in getting one of their slaves.

SY is brought out. He looks slightly healthier, not much, but he has some weight to him, and he is clothed better than rags. He looks presentable. He looks over to the two and has a mini heart attack.

Dawning realisation that "oh fuck, I was raising the scum villain and the head of Cang Qiong Peak" add a light anxiety attack in his head as he just watches everything happen.

They leave, SY in slight shock as he is now free, to Cang Qiong. Now this can go anywhere.

I personally want SY to not be a cultivator but a librarian to the libraries of SJ's peak to help Binghe get the correct manuel but also guide him a teacher-adjacent way to him and others.

Sure, SY would have a shorter life compared to others, but I think with him trying to become a cultivator when he is an adult already would be more difficult and just not worth it.

But anyone can pick this up to something else, possible with a hibernating system until Binghe comes around? Who knows? But enjoy this random, in the moment au :D

[burglarofbagend]

samwise gamgee was more confused than insulted at gollum calling him fat bc the shire appreciates and celebrates bear bodies send post

[missingn000]

hey all, i wrote a fic about the complex father-daughter dynamic between doflamingo & baby 5 from crocodile's outsider pov! i’d really love if you gave it a read. thanks so much!

link

happy reading!!

[iisthings]

All I want for christmas

iiiiiiiiisssss

Y O U

[maxsix]

[i-d-e-g-a-f]

i ache for katara so deeply, she deserves so much better than her canon fate. i cannot express in words how much her story and how the fandom views/treats her physically hurts me

[falloutdope]

[mcity-xe]

LOOK AT ALL THE HOT MEN OH MY FUCKING GOD

[tofanasmuse]

quick, give me the name of the best Polin fic you ever read ever. the one that just blew your mind, made you laugh and made you cry, or just simply made you go nuts at how beautifully it was written!!!

[crawley-fell]

managers be like nooo don't kill yourself!! who would cover your shift

[starofhisheart]

That was out of pocket, Mr. Spock

[neytui]

Unreal Dialogues 📻

TLOU dreamling au Radio Silence by Moorishflower here https://archiveofourown.org/works/44867335