#Prozac kicked in maybe idk

[sun-lit-goth]

[skittsyteacup]

Tw vent. Not too hardcore on trauma just hardcore on description And stress (I don't think anyone reads these?? But if your ocs need trauma or issues ig????😭 This is just a convenient way to get things off my chest)

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Spades and diamonds am I so fuck stressed lately!! I start a new job today, cool. Best friend A is moving STATES AWAY in less than a month, that's hip. Best friend B has spotty availability due to recovering from a surgery, awesome sauce. My younger sibling is moving out in less than a month, chillin. I'm being kicked out before the year ends, fucking. Cool beans. dude. Jesus God damned Christ.

I don't want to love my family or need to be nice to them!! I just fucking learned that me and my younger sibling both dislike my mother!!!!! My older brother keeps trying to act like my dad at the worst. Fucking. Times. And I'm going NUTS.

Basically Everyone™ at my new job LOVES my mother.

When getting kicked out, it's probably either I take my cat or cats or they get put in a pound or left outside. Fuck. Fucked fuck fuck fuck fucker.

Like do I leave early or what. God damnit. Advice might actually be useful, Tumblr. I'll try to censor and explain easily.

NON TW STARTS HERE.

I'm 17 years old physically and I'm 18 on December 10th. I will be homeless but I have a couple options on housing.

A) I beg and beg and cough up all money to stay here with my mom, her fiance, and my older brother

B) I go live with my friend cat. Pros is I can bring my cat probably, cons are the transportation is unreliable and it's cramped.

C) I see if I can live with best friend b. Pros are I might get my own room or suchlike and I'm basically family, cons are my cat can't come I think.

My mental health isn't really the priority right now. I have a bit of things to take aka my clothing (about 1 large tote? Maybe), a 7ft shelf and the things on it, xbox, my bed if needed, and my stuffies(tote full). Other things are honestly sentimental or just small idk.

I'm still in school and I will be for at least 3 more years. Not including college, if I can go.

I make around $400 per check but this job pays less so it'll go down to about $250 I think?

I can't drive and I take medicine (prozac and meclizine), I'm also undiagnosed depressive and possibly (heavily) auDHD. I need to find a dentist too but wtvr.

On a list of things to do should I

A) start downsizing possessions to 3 totes max minus the shelf itself

B) start talking to cat about moving in, see how it'd work etc

C) pack a bit. Idk.

My options aren't a lot since my mom, who I'll start calling Diane now (not her first name it feels weird), places a 7pm curfew on me since I've been to a psych ward(self admitted). She tends to stick her nose in my business if I'm not too careful and anytime we're alone there's a 70/30 chance she'll mention me being kicked out and ask about it. I plan to keep being as secretive as possible, she isn't even aware of any arrangements or stress. She's not sheltering but she's not a good mom. It's a weird balance of careless and overbearing.

To inform more on my mom I'll write a separate post that'll probably be shorter but wtvr I'm just scared I guess. Mostly for my cat. He thinks I'm his mom or something so I'm scared that if I don't take him with me he'll die. Advice of any kind is appreciated, any questions too.

[qnwlf]

We don’t have sex anymore. He says he’ll try but never does

Been with my husband going on 6 years now. Initially we’d go at it as much as possible, then after moving in together, it was fine until it started to decline.

Now I’m practically begging him to do me or play with me. He’ll play with me maybe 50% of the time, and that leads to sex (both of us having fun instead of him just essentially masturbating me) about .05% of the time.

I asked him what I can do to be hotter for him. He suggested we get lingerie. However, he made it clear he doesn’t want me to seduce him or try and dress sexy to get him horny bc it puts too much pressure on him. (And yeah, if I dress hot he just compliments me but doesn’t lead to anything) So tbh idk when i’d even wear the lingerie. It also took MONTHS before we even found the right time to pick out lingerie he liked (even though i offered to pay) because it was never the right time for him.

He’s suggested we see a couples/sex therapist. However our insurance doesn’t kick in until Jan so I’ve been just kind of trying to handle it.

In the meantime, he refuses to try out anything websites say sex therapists recommend trying. No scheduled sex (too much pressure), no night sex (too tired), no morning sex (too sleepy), no daytime sex (wants to do his own thing), no romantic dates that lead to sex (too much pressure), nothing that’s just foreplay and no PIV (doesn’t do it for him). Whenever he finally feels like doing something sexual, he’s only ever really down to play with me, and even though he gets hard, we hardly ever play with him even though he knows how much I want to and enjoy it.

He says his dick has issues cos of prostatitis, but doesn’t do the exercises recommended. I try to steer focus away from the dick (like he wants) and ask him what touches he likes elsewhere. He says doesn’t have any. He’s too ticklish. Before, we thought maybe his libido was so low bc of depression. Now I’m like “ok maybe the prozac?” but he won’t even ask a doctor if that’s possible. I asked if he was asexual (which would honestly be fine and i would stop caring about this, which i told him) and he said he definitely isn’t.

My birthday came and went and I wasn’t even offered an orgasm. I always have to ask and initiate. How am I not supposed to feel humiliated begging for sex? He swears I’m hot and sexy to him and I turn him on, but that me “relying on him having sex with me for my self esteem” is too much pressure on him. I’m shocked he’d say that to me since my libido has never been very high. Usually I’m only horny 3 days a month :(

People are gonna say he’s gay and I’m his beard, but a few years after the dry spell started I came out as FTM and I’ve been worried it’s gonna get worse because while he’s pan he’s “more attracted to femininity”. And that’s fine. I’m a feminine guy. But if he didn’t fuck me as a girl, i feel like my chances of sex are about to go extinct.

We tried opening the relationship. He never tried with anyone. I actually did try and even went on a date and had an LDR, but couldn’t go through with sleeping with anyone else. I’m only really attracted to my partner :(

I can’t tell you how many chats and discussions and arguments and crying talks we’ve had that lead to him promising to try but he never tries. I’m holding out till we can see a sex therapist but atp I’m resigned to just quietly retreating to the bedroom to masturbate like i have been for the past three years (something he doesn’t even notice anymore and even says “i don’t know why you can’t masturbate” when i ask for sex. Curb Your Enthusiasm theme plays.)

Believe it or not, he’s a great and very loving and equitable partner in every other respect. He cuddles me and kisses me 24/7. We wake up in each other’s arms. Our house cleaning and cooking is split 50/50. He has done things for me nobody else would. I know for a fact he loves me, which is why i just DONT UNDERSTAND why he won’t try a little in this one part. We also both wfh so i would know if he was cheating.

Please, if you guys think I’m doing something wrong please tell me. I never coerce him. I ask once and if he says no, I say ok and handle it myself. I swear i don’t even say it in a paggro way (not that he’d even notice anyway since he’s usually not even looking at me when he denies me lol). I’m at my wits end. I desperately need to feel sexy and wanted by him but that’s “too much pressure”. All my old Ugly Duckling high school trauma resurfaces sometimes when this happens but i don’t like telling him that. probably would add more pressure.

I’ve asked so many subs and nobody helps me then i feel embarrassed and delete the post. please help me out.

submitted by /u/t0g3t1c [link] [comments] from Sex https://ift.tt/3pIUhQW

[find-the-real]

So... I started on lamictal 25mg almost a week ago. Its been about 1 1/2 months since i started prozac 20mg. Hasnt really changed anything. Maybe less depressive states? Or is it just because im not in a depressive state? Idk. My doctor said he would give me med for bipolar as long as i went to a psychiatrist soon. He gave me the option of the medication and ive seen some good things about lamictal, so i chose it. I like my job but dont like the drive and feel like im wasting time with it when i could be selling and making good money on ebay. So i asked for one day less at work, to give hours to the associates i work with. Hopefully my store manager likes the idea. I love the idea of having a stay at home job. I sell on ebay so i could go to thrift shops several times a week and find good things to sell, that costed me not much money. Overall, i need to get my health better. I need the cpap machine (in a few weeks). I need this medication to kick in. And lose weight. And take care of my body better. The medication at 25mg isnt much and you up dosages with it pretty fast. But i wont be able to get an appt with a psychiatrist for, most likely, a couple months. I just wanna feel better.

[subjectsilver]

I wish i was mr happy.

here a story for you - i can't see anything because i got drunk and didn't properly close my contact case then i kicked them on the floor while i was sleeping...now I'm blind as fuck because i have only 1 contact left and don't want to wear just one... i asked my mom to send some like a week ago but she didn't so I'm going to be blind until tuesday afternoon....btw  being blind is not fun because what I've learned is that when you can't see you have one less distraction for your thoughts -  laid in bed all day with thoughts of suicide and refused to leave so i didn't hurt myself. eventually it passed as i took a shower and cried for a little

Monday night i had a dream that emma was bragging to me about her next boyfriend and my response was “HA HA tbh i don give a fuck and they shouldn't either (i was pointing at josh and hand)” bc she was bragging about how her life is set and all planned out now and i was like tbh they should be just as disappointed in you as i am for planning out your life because thats not happiness i was like spontaneity  is happiness - and thats not who you are you are spontaneous not this future planner girl - and then she got up and ran to me started crying and hitting me and hugging me and she was like i wanna be with you and i started crying and i was like no i can't do that right now

i woke up sobbing and soaked in sweat

TUESDAY i had a dream that i was on the side of this road in this own wish grass field with my mom and grandma and suddenly josh smith showed up and i distinctly remember him wearing a white shirt with horizontal orange stripes one inch thick and all the trees around me had n leaves and i went to climb one so i could pee off of it and my mom climbed up and pushed me off and i woke up.

i had a second dream that night that was at a are sremmurd concert except it wasn't at a large venue it was some basement looking type place and it was some random artist that was complete trash i went to this board that had facts about the show and i saw that the show was put on by this guy who was famous in history for his tragedies  - so i think the show was suppose to emulate some trash event in history but it as modern day rap and it was god awful.

WEDNESDAY i had a dream that i ate this caesar salad then i couldn't stop spying out lettuce from my mouth....kinda like  how a clown pulls scarves out continuously, i just kept pulling out mouthful sizes of lettuce it was extremely weird, I've never had a dream like it before

this week started off decent but then went downhill tbh.. when I'm not actively doing something to distract me i literally just sit and  my own head until i tilt off the face of the planet. i hate how much i think about dying and death in general i just can't escape the thoughts. there are multiple times a day or a week that i feel so numb and i just want to hurt myself just so i can feel something physically not really sure if it makes a lot of sense but its like an addictive feeling t me...its like a craving like cigarettes like i want to hurt myself so badly sometimes i just want to see myself bleed.

its really sad when i think aboutt it

when you think thoughts in your head i feel like generally its your own voice that you hear your thoughts in and u are consciously generating these thoughts.... sometimes when i get low i hear a voice in my head that ins my own and like it just appears and I'm not really sure if its just there or if I'm generating it..because when i catch it finally it goes away...but whatever it tells me is usually horrible and downs the fuck out of me and tilts me and makes me feel so small.

6 days into taking prozac one or two weeks to go.....havent really been eating - nothing new i have noticed tho that when you're skinny and don't need a lot to fill up you save so much money on food. i bought 2 chippotl bowls and i got 4 meals out of it.

i think that I'm going to try harder to stay away. maybe less snapchat stories - and less soundcloud reposting of songs because like my ex can hate me but for her to actually move soon i feel like i need to just become a memory to her and maybe thats not for e to say but i feel like she wants to move on from me and doesn't like me and even though its the exact opposite of what i want ill try to give her that.

its actually so annoying to type when you can't even see the letters of the keys when ur mac sits 18 inches from your face. i have to pull the laptop super close to my face if i think i made a mistake so i can correct it. even though i literally laid in bed all day i still kinda feel tired...im also trying to get 8 hours of sleep a night bc my mom said it'll make me feel better -  well that and I'm not really trynna have many episodes of forgetting 30 minutes of my life by zoning out into a sleep or day dream.

i had so many thoughts during the week for this moment where i sit down and type it all back to myself but now that I'm sitting ere I'm just kind of drawing a blank.

lief is just crazy for me right now.... its just such a weight on my back and its crushing me and suffocating me and drowning me

when i get down i feel like I'm a completely different person.. when I'm up or even bc I'm never really up killing myself makes zero sense to me...but when I'm really low i feel like its the only thing that makes sense like it is my destiny. 

i laid in bed and watch batman and youtube and listened to hella music toady it was pretty relaxing ig guess except not rule because i was role low and had a ton of anxiety until i started watching batman after i took a hot shower.

my whole family on my dads side is actually in NC right now... they drove thru the city I'm in to go on vacation to the beach...wouldve loved to go to the beach with the little ones but i guess they didn't feel like picking me up or thought i was busy or something, maybe didn't have the room idk.

loose rocks gotta fall its part of the climb...i am a few peoples loose rock and i understand  that as much sense as it doesn't make i can still see where it does. but i need to start my own climb. the thing that gets me is that i feel like if I'm a loose rock to someones life they are a loose rock to mine bc thats not the people i want in my life but i do understand....idk ?fate? ?trial?

that whole paragraph probably didn't even make sene I'm  not rule sure how to convey it and i can't even see what I'm saying so whatever...

oh shit i almost forgot that i watched so many fucking space views today it was crazy dude space is wild and we probably live in a snow globe also the earth is flat.

i hope this week is better than the last. i really do

“every breathe that i inhaled felt like i was trying to push 150 pounds with the movement of my lungs” -cam meekins