#Puppy is gonna be so sad he’s so depressed when they leave for a weekend and it’s gonna be 14 days 😭

[yoohyeon]

At first I didn’t really realize it, but my dad is saying at least 5 times a day how much days is left before him and my mom leave on vacation of 2 weeks so that mean I’m gonna be alone with Puppy for 2 weeks…I’m gonna d*e of stress 😭

[littlemissagrafina]

Comfortember Day 12. Therapy/Emotional Support Pet

Cinnamon Hot Chocolate

@comfortember

Read On AO3

Peter was sad.

Usually he could push it away, shove it down and occupy his mind with something else but there were still times that his sadness and loneliness felt like a heavy cloud that never wanted to leave.

It was a permanent fixture in his life, it came and went just as the days of sun did.

Peter preferred sun days. They didn't have the same restless exhaustion that cloudy days did. He could smile easily, laugh freely, and walk tall on the sunny days because his heart felt at ease. Happy.

That wasn't always possible on cloudy days for they brought deep resonating sadness with them. It always felt like they dredged up every bit of hurt and sorrow that Peter had felt in his life. It was exhausting but he couldn't sit still, couldn't relax, couldn't sleep.

And so he walked. There was a chill in the air and remnants of slush on the ground in some places but the cold was nothing that his thick coat couldn't ward off.

He walked past Delmar's, past the numerous subway entrances and street vendors. Past a building that he had accidentally webbed himself to the rooftop of once.

Tony had never let him live it down after seeing it in the suite's footage.

The brief thought of his mentor made him smile but it faded when he remembered that the man was away on a business trip for the weekend.

Peter found himself walking the same route he would take to the tower but didn't change his course since he didn't have any desire to go and distract himself alone in an empty lab. Even Tony had admitted that he didn't like the silent loneliness of the lab after so many days with Peter.

Said teenager probably wasn't meant to hear it of course but he couldn't exactly stop his super hearing now could he?

So yes, lab time was out of the question. Instead Peter found himself on the familiar path to a nearby park.

As he walked, Peter couldn't help but watch the people there with their friends or family, how they smiled and laughed so easily. He was jealous.

Peter would never wish his depression on anyone, not for a second, but it didn't stop him from wishing he could be like them, carefree and happy even just for a moment. He wanted to forget his worry, his sadness, his fears, but he didn't know how.

And so he let them fester. It wasn't a good idea and he would probably regret it, but he was tired of fighting his thoughts off. It was nice to just let them free.

Peter saw a food cart nearby, the smell of peppermint, chocolate, and cinnamon soon drifted towards him. He walked over and bought a cinnamon and whipped cream hot cocoa with the couple dollars he had stuffed in his pocket.

The smooth taste of the chocolate gave him a burst of sunlight before it faded slightly.

Peter moved over to sit on a bench nearby. He didn't trust himself not to trip and mess his drink everywhere.

He sat there until his hot chocolate was long since finished, the empty take away cup sitting on the ground next to his foot.

Suddenly a cold but gentle nose nudged his hand and Peter lifted his head to look into possibly the cutest puppy eyes he had ever seen.

A curly haired retriever sat in front of him, tongue lolling out of its mouth as it huffed a doggy smile up at him.

"Hey there, Woofy." Peter murmured, his voice sounding fake even to his own ears.

"Mec! There you are!" A new voice called out from a few feet away, a slightly southern drawl to the words. Peter looked up, and saw another boy around his age walking towards him. He had dirty blonde curls and blue eyes Peter noticed as he got closer.

"Hey." Mr Southern stopped in front of Peter and the calm dog, who's name was apparently Mec, and Peter vaguely noticed concern in the other teen's eyes but dismissed it because why would a random person be worried about him? He didn't deserve that. The thought was proven correct only moments later when Mr Southern spoke again.

"Are you doing okay?" He asked before turning slightly red. "Uhh, sorry. Um… I just wanted to ask because Mec is an emotional support dog and he usually only goes up to people he feels are having a rough time. So uh… yeah…" The other boy trailed off awkwardly but Peter was too surprised to worry about it.

"Oh! I um… today hasn't been the best day but I'll get through it." Peter found himself saying and he was shocked. How did this random guy make him feel so comfortable with being open like that?

"Thank you for asking."

Peter received a crooked smile in return. "No problem. And thank you for answering."

"I'm Harley Keener by the way, and this is Mechanic." Mr Southern said, ruffling Mec's fluffy ears and sticking his other hand out to Peter.

"Peter Parker." Peter smiled at Harley as they shook hands.

"I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to cut this short." Harley apologised with a grin. "I actually have an appointment I gotta get to. I was wondering, though, if I could get your number before I go?"

He actually wants to talk more? To me? Peter thought before realising he had started at Harley for a moment too long.

"You don't have to if you don't want to or anything," Harley said quickly. "I just thought it would be cool or whatever."

Peter couldn't help but smile at the constant rise and fall between Harley's awkwardness and his confidence. "You're good, don't worry. Here." He passed his phone to Harley and watched as he put his number in. His phone was handed back.

"Thank you. I really have to go now but it was nice meeting you, Peter Parker."

"And you, Harley Keener. I guess I'll see you around?"

"That you will." Harley waved as he walked a few steps backwards before turning and heading off with Mec trotting on at his side.

A moment later, Peter's phone vibrated with a new message. Wanna grab some hot cocoa later? I know a really nice cafe a few blocks over. Only if you have the time and are up to it! The text said.

Peter replied with Only if it's cinnamon hot cocoa, then you've got yourself a deal.

His phone buzzed again.

Cinnamon it is.

[capraqua]

Blank: a songfic

Hey guys! I just spent 6 hours inside our school’s library writing fanfiction haha. Time flies when you’re having fun! I got this idea from a challenge posted by @ilsanghyuk, one of my favorite people here in the amino. This is a sad song to write a fic about so I’m anxious to know your reactions about it as well. Sorry if Zuho’s part is a bit short but I hope you guys enjoy this one!

~~~~~~~~~

Dawon: a blank space that can never be filled

I feel the heat of the sun burning against my hand. I wake up slowly, another boring day at school. I look at her seat, a mannerism I developed from the previous year and I see no one there. I chuckle to myself and remember that no one has been there for a month. I sat up slowly, scrubbing my eyes and the teacher notices. She was about to call me out but then looked at me as if she just remembered something. She looked at me with pity.

“Dawon, why don’t you go to the clinic to rest up. It looks like you’re going to be more comfortable on a bed rather than your desk.” I didn’t say anything. I just got up, took my bag, bowed to her and walked out of the room. The other students are in their classes now, it makes the school look more quiet and I feel more isolated. I’m not usually like this, sleeping in class, not paying attention to the teacher. I’m always at the top of my class, always studying, always hanging out with friends, always smiling with her. Her smile resurfaces from my memory. I shake my head, trying to get rid of the thought as I neared the clinic. I looked through the windows and saw that the nurse was writing down something on a clipboard. She looked distracted enough that I stealthily sped past her door and went out of the school doors. I can’t stay here, everything reminds me of her. I walked past the gates, ignoring the protest of the guard and turned the corner towards the bus station.

I stand still, waiting for a bus. I don’t care where it goes. I just need to get her off my mind. A bus arrives, I go inside and I take a seat at the farthest one from the doors. I plug my earphones in and tried to listen to some songs but all of them reminds me of the times when we ride the same bus home, sharing earphones and bopping at the same time to the beat of the song. The bus stopped and I notice that I’m the only one inside. The driver tells me that this is his last stop. I get out and walk absentmindedly. I don’t know where to go. I feel lost. There’s something in my chest that feels so heavy and it gets heavier as time goes on. I stopped at my tracks as I realized where I was. Standing at the same soft grass a month ago, it looks like someone had replaced my flowers from a week before. I sat down infront of the cold, stone slab and stared at the date engraved.

1997-2017

Tears started stinging my eyes as I remember all the times that we shared. She was my life, my sunshine, my everything but my world came to an ubrupt stop a month ago when she got into that accident. I was sad. I was angry. I was depressed. I felt like drowning and everything hurts to death. I can’t remember me without her. I can’t even remember being happy. My heart will always have this blank space that will never be filled.

Taeyang: cold, empty and blank

I noticed someone walking outside the classroom. It’s Dawon again, I wonder where he’s going to this time. He’s been like that ever since she died. I feel so sorry for the boy. I focus on the lesson instead and listen to the teacher in front. A piece of paper flew from my right side. I side eye Chani and he mouths that I should read what was written on the paper.

Check out the latest school news!

I stealthily got my phone from my pocket and made sure that the teacher wasn’t looking my way. I logged onto the school’s news webpage when the bell rang for lunch. I almost fell from my seat in surprise as I gripped the phone in my hand. My classmates stood up to go to the cafeteria when Chani approached me, putting his arms around me.

“Well? Did you check the website?” Chani asked. “Not yet.” I replied. “Let’s eat first.”

I opened my phone as we walked to the cafeteria. There she was, her face strewn across the webpage. They wrote another article about her because her group made a comeback recently. I still remember the last time we spoke to each other. It was a nasty break up but I love her so much that I just let her go to do what she wants.

~Flashback~

“Taeyang, jagi, we need to talk” She looked at me quietly but her hands are fumbling with her necktie. Something was up, she has a problem. She always does that with her clothes if she has something on her mind. I follow her outside where we sat on a secluded bench behind the school building.

“What is it, jagi? Is something wrong?” I asked her as I rubbed circles on her back.

“Taeyang, I’m gonna drop out of school soon to work on our group’s debut.” She admitted.

“You’re gonna leave me here?” I asked her with puppy dog eyes. She looked at me, sighed and took my hands in hers. I sat up because she never does that. I’m usually the one who initiates skinship. I face her and she breathed deeply.

“I don’t think we should continue this relationship further. Taeyang, I’m breaking up with you.” she finally said, eyes closed, wincing, like it was painful to let out.

“Oh,” I said. I stayed quiet, dumbfounded by her statement. I mean, we are drifting farther apart from each other lately but I always send her texts and call her when she’s resting. I look at my hands and stayed seated on the bench. She got up and stood in front of me. She took my face in her hands and wiped the tears that I didn’t notice were falling already. She gave me a quick peck on the lips, said she was sorry and turned to leave me crying quietly on the bench. I didn’t go to school the next day. I didn’t even get up from my bed. I was feeling cold and empty. I was feeling blank.

Jaeyoon: Gone

I sighed as I notice another student bringing out his phone while I am in the middle of my lesson. I ignored it and continued to point out the relationship of demand and supply to these highschoolers as I heard the bell ring for lunch. I dismiss the class and head to the teacher’s lounge to get some coffee. Another teacher, clad in a brown sweater approaches me.

“I heard you we’re moving apartments. Do you need any help moving? I have the weekend free.” Youngbin asked.

“Aren’t you going to Busan with your girlfriend?” I asked back. He shook his head and pat me on the back.

“Nah, something came up and she couldn’t go.” he replied.

“It’s okay. I’ve already moved some of the big stuff last weekend. Thanks for the offer.” I said. He nodded his head okay and went back to his desk, sipping the coffee he got from the machine. I just couldn’t wait for this day to be over.

[timeskip]

I wait for the elevator as another person arrives and wait with me. It’s my neighbor, I think his name is Rayoon or something. I nodded my head to say hello and he nodded back. The elevator dings and we both went inside. The elevator ride was quick and we both arrived in front of our apartment doors in due time. I mumbled something about him having a good night and I heard a muffled ‘you too’ as I closed the door to my apartment. My apartment was too big. I mean yes, it has a nice view of the Han River but it’s too lonely to live in alone, considering that she moved out without even telling me in person. She only left a letter taped to the refrigerator that she wants to breakup and for me not to find her. I shiver at the memory. I put my bag and takeout dinner on the kitchen counter and proceeded to clean up some of the boxes. Something in the corner of the room caught my eye. I walked towards it and breathed deeply as I saw her old pajama top hooked on the corner of the bed. I sat down on the duvet and unhooked the piece of cloth. I smile at the memories we shared together and wonder where we got everything wrong. It just seemed so sudden that she left without a goodbye. Now everything’s so quiet and empty and blank.

Rowoon: ”i don’t remember, me without you”

I wait for the elevator doors to open as I felt the heaviness of the plastic bag holding my dinner get heavier as it begins to slip from my fingers. I caught it at the last second as the elevator doors open revealing a hallway of doors. My neighbor walked behind me as I fumbled with my keys. He said something about having a good night and I replied ‘you too’ at him as he closed his door. The apartment was dark when I got inside. I almost stepped on bottles strewn on the floor from my previous dinners. Everything is a mess, the kitchen sink with unwashed dishes, the table filled with beer cans and takeout boxes. I staggered towards the bed and sat down as I got a can of beer from the plastic I brought earlier. It opened with a hiss and I took big gulps as I layed down on the bed, not caring if the beer spills on me. I just feel so helpless and tired. My sunshine was gone. Left me for another guy. I chuckle. She said that she wants someone more stable, one that can give her more time than what I was giving her. I laugh at her reasoning. She just wants a richer man. I can’t help it if I work long hours at the office. I was saving up for our wedding. I guess that money’s just gonna go to the alcohol I consume nowadays. I sit up and look out the window. The Han River looks so pretty in the night, with the lights reflecting from its surface. I notice a motorcycle speeding along the sidewalk and watched as it caused some paper held by a boy walking along the sidewalk fly away. I smirked at the event, took another swig from the can and layed down with a thump on the bed. I took a deep breath and caused my chest to heave as I stared at the blank, white ceiling of the apartment.

Inseong: blinking bar

The wind moves against my chest as I sped along the sidewalk by the Han River. I had to feel something. I feel so numb right now. I didn’t notice the boy was holding something when I sped past him. I just looked behind as the papers he held flew from the sudden harsh breeze from my bike. I stopped as the boy immediately fell on his knees to gather the papers but some of them were already in the water. I looked at him in pity but turned to start my motorcycle once again and began to speed past the couples walking on the sidewalk. They were giving me glares but I don’t care. Love is a bitter pill and I was forced to swallow it. How could someone so small and innocent break my heart with only five words.

I don’t love you anymore.

Tears sting my eyes as I came to a stop and unmounted my motorcycle. I sat on a nearby bench and held my head on my hands in between my knees. I gripped my hair in anger and wonder where I went wrong. I love her so much that it hurts to breathe. I see her face everywhere I go. How could she leave me like this. I open my SNS accounts to check up on her but what greeted me as I open our messages was a blank screen. She had deleted me from her conversations, she deleted me from her life as well.

Hwiyoung:”scent that remains is sweet”

I gather up the letters she sent me from months before and close my eyes in delight as I smelled the sweet smell that came with those papers. I start to open one to reminisce in the memories when I suddenly heard muffled shouts from the apartment next door. I glared at the wall and stood up to get my wallet and keys. I gathered the papers once more and decided to go down by the Han River to let her go once and for all. Muffled screams and shouts were still heard throughout the apartment complex floor as I rode the elevator down to the main entrance. I walked slowly and tried to collect my thoughts when a motorcycle sped past me causing her letters to fly away. I immediately got down to pick them up but some of them flew farther from me and landed on the water. I sighed in disbelief and looked for the motorcycle that is now speeding away. I leaned on the railings beside the river and stared at the papers on the surface get wet. I sighed and let go of all of the letters I had in my hands and watched as they tumbled onto the river, never to be read again. Her letters were the only thing that got me by in the city. I left my little hometown to study but I still continued exchanging letters with her even if the only communication we have are letters. She doesn’t have a phone and she can’t visit me either. Her frail, weak body stops her from visiting me here in the city. I was so excited to visit her because of the winter vacation when I recieved a letter from her,weeks ago, telling me not to go home. I got confused and sent her a letter immediately. When she didn’t respond, I felt that there was something wrong. I focused on my studied in the last week of school when I recieved a different letter. I’m used to receiving girly, fragrant stationaries but this letter was inside a white envelope and was written by her mother. She...

She passed away, succumbed to her disease. She was keeping her illness a secret from me and clueless me just thought that she was too frail and weak. I stared at the letter in shock and cried for days. I still remember her sign-off from her previous letter.

Remember that I will always love you. Keep in mind that a blank piece of paper will always symbolize a new beginning. I love you so much, Youngkyun. Goodbye.

Youngbin:”regrets... excuses... complaints”

“I don’t know what your problem is! You always complain about this and that and I don’t know what to do!” Youngbin shouted. He couldn’t help but raise his voice towards his girlfriend as they argued for the fifth time today. Their scream-off matches always end up with Youngbin sitting on the bed and her standing behind the kitchen counter as they held their breaths, exhausted from screaming at each other.

“That’s the problem, Youngbin! You always don’t know what’s going on! You always pretend that things are okay when they’re not!” she shouted back.

“Problem, problem, problem! There’s always a problem with you. Everything’s a problem. We couldn’t even order food without running into a problem.” Youngbin retorted.

“You know what, I can’t deal with you right now. Maybe it’s better if we just break up.” she replied.

“Then maybe we should!” Youngbin spat out immediately. She stopped and looked at Youngbin, surprised at his words. She ran towards the door and slammed it shut. Youngbin stood up to chase her but when he opened the door again, the elevator door just closed. He slammed his door shut and slid his back down against the door. He massaged his forehead. He couldn’t even remember what they were fighting about. Will it just end like this? He just realized that his words were just blank and empty, constructed to negate what she was arguing about. How could it end like this.

Zuho:”end of the night starts and ends with you”

The scream-off match next door ended with two door slams. I chuckle as I remember how she and I argued like that before we broke up. I stood up from my table, wiped my eyes as I got dizzy from writing down lyrics on a piece of paper. I walked to the refrigerator to get a drink of water and stared at the picture magnetized on the refrigerator. It was a Polaroid of me, wrapping her in my arms for a backhug as she looked up at me smiling. Those were happy days. I chuckle and returned to my seat. I stared at the piece of paper in front of me and stared at the words I wrote down. After realizing that they won’t work together, I pulled out a fresh piece of blank paper from my paper stack. A new beginning indeed.

Chani: “now the spot you were in is just empty”

“Thank you for coming!” I shouted as the last customer exited the cafe. We still have two hours left until we close. I proceeded to wipe the mugs I just watched earlier as the cafe doors open.

“Welcome!” I shouted at the customer, not looking to know who it was. I look from behind a counter and saw the same set of uniform I was wearing earlier. I got my notebook and pen out and neared the customer and realized that it was Dawon. He looked so tired and roughed up. I cleared my throat as I stopped beside him.

“Dawon, nice to see you here, what’s your order?” I asked him.

“Chani? You work here now?” Dawon asked in confusion. I nodded yes and he told me to that he wants a latte. I wrote it down and thanked him. I barely got to the counter when three people came inside the cafe. It was Taeyang, followed by two teachers of ours, the one who teaches economics and the one who always wears that hideous brown sweater. They all seemed to be tired as well. I took their orders, two americanos and a caramel latte for Taeyang and watched as the three of them sat with each other, talking about something in hushed voices. Our economics teacher, I think his name is Jaeyoon, rubbed circles on the back of the other teacher, comforting him and Taeyang is hunched over the table, talking to the teacher in front of him, I think his name is Youngbin, trying to cheer him up. I swear Taeyang is such a teacher’s pet.

I went behind the counter and started to make their drinks. I put all of them on a tray and balanced it as I gave Dawon, Taeyang, Youngbin and Jaeyoon their drinks. The door opened again and in staggered this tall boy who stank of alcohol. I caught him before he fell and sat him down on a nearby chair.

“Coffee please, black with two packets of sugar.” he slurred. I guess he’s here to sober up. I nodded at ran to the counter to make his coffee. I didn’t want to stink of alcohol too. When I served his coffee, he smelled it, took a slurp and smiled at me to thank me. He looked normal after a few gulps of coffee. I went back behind the counter to arrange some of the pastries inside the display refrigerator. The door opened to reveal two of my frequent customers. They always come here together, they’re brothers, after all.

“Zuho, Hwiyoung!” I greeted. “ I guess you want the usual?” I asked them. Zuho nodded as they both sat down on a table opposite to Dawon. Hwiyoung looked like he had been crying. Is there something wrong? The door’s bell rang again, causing me to shake from my daze and in comes a man in a jacket, helmet on one hand.

“Is it safe if I park my motorcycle outside?” he asked. I nodded yes.

“Okay, a latte please, and a piece of your strawberry cheesecake.” I confirmed his order and began working on it, along with the previous ones, americano for Zuho, hot chocolate for Hwiyoung and a latte for the motorcycle guy. I cut three slices of cheesecake and put it on different plates, one for Helmetman, and another for Hwiyoung because he always orders this with his hot chocolate. I cut one out for Dawon too because I rememeber that he like strawberries. I proceeded to distribute the orders to Helmetman and Zuho and Hwiyoung. Dawon sat up when I put down the plate of cheesecake on his table.

“I didn’t order this.” he said waving his hands to refuse.

“It’s on the house.” I said. He smiled a small smile and thanked me for the cake.

I went behind the counter to clean up my previous mess and observed my customers from the counter. They all look so sad and tired, like they’re hurting. I feel sad for them, their faces look blank. I guess that’s what a broken heart does to you.

[gotov-otvechat-blog]

The theft of a hoodie

pairing: Bucky x reader

word count: 2.3 k

summary: cheesy fluff, sushi, and a stolen hoodie [shit summary I know, but spoilers ;)]

warning: like probably none, just one (1) cheesy Bucky. oh and a really bad joke. I warned you

a/n: this is gonna be a little bit scattered, as I wrote this while neglecting studying bio for the exam the next day and now I'm neglecting studying maths but like who gives a ---. any way this idea came to me while after I bought this oversized hoodie and just had to write it down. and thank you so much @jitterbuck for reading this before hand you are pure and sweet and deserve the world.

It was a late hazy Sunday afternoon; Sundays were always weird to you, they held a certain tinge of sadness and drowsiness to them, the like a post-weekend depression. Sitting down in the Avengers living room, you were curled up in a bundle of blankets with a book in your hand, staring out the window, watching the rain softly descend from the light stormy sky.

Gentle tapping soothed your mind as the peace sunken into you turned you into almost a trans-like state. Your mind wandered to and from different topics, and it wasn’t long before it settled back on a James Buchanan Barnes, who occupied your thoughts more often than not. The two of you spent a considerable amount of time together, watching movies, wandering the city together, trying new things so you could help Bucky find a new hobby. You helped him with his nightmares, and he grounded you in the moment. The thing was, you didn’t know what you were. You weren't friends. Both of you knew that. Nevertheless, maybe a label was something that the two of you didn't need.

Besides that point, Sundays were usually a relaxing time for the Avengers, after training in the morning, everyone just spread out through the compound or went out.

Wanda and Vision were out for date night, something the two of them did at least once a week, which you thought was very cute, the rest of the team complained about them being too mushy but as soon as the couple turned away most of them would practically fangirl over them, which was comical in its self. Nat and Clint left a while ago arguing about Natasha having developed a new poison fro Clint to try, and he caught her trying to slip it into his coffee, to which Nat replied the last one was not too bad, leaving Clint huffing about how the constant dizziness when he stood up almost drove him crazy. The last you saw of Tony was him yelling at Steve for chucking his cell phone at Tony’s head because of he was annoying Steve.  Bruce muttered something along the lines of late for yoga again while speed walking as whilst Thor asked him what yoga was and Clint asked if he could come too, to which Bruce replied with a hasty yelp of ‘NO’ then grumbled about how he spends way too much time with them, at which you chuckled. Bucky was bickering at Sam putting magnets on his arm and threatened to put an explosive in his wings so that they blow up the next time he uses them.

All that was hours ago, and you hadn’t noticed how the sky had gone dark and a massive storm replaced the lightweight rain. Your body was stiff and aching from sitting in the same position for so long. You let out a groan as you stood up, picked up your blankets as your stomach growled. While you headed to your room you thought about what would be the easiest to do for food. with your eyes trained on the blankets and the book in your arm, you ultimately didn’t notice Bucky standing in front of you with his phone out. As you crashed into him, you ricocheted backwards as he dropped his phone on the ground and put his hands on your shoulders to steady you.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t lookin-” you started saying as you lifted your head and your eyes met Bucky’s.

“Where were you? I’ve been trying to find you for like an hour.” His eyes were a little wide, and voice sounded just a little anxious. “I’m sorry, you just had me worried there doll.”

“I was in the living room reading.”

“I didn’t see you there when I walked by earlier,” he commented, eyebrows furrowed, sending a questioning look your way as he knelt down to pick up his disregarded phone.

“I was sitting behind the couch facing the windows,” your voice got quiet, and guilt crept up as you looked down. You hated making Bucky worry.

“Anyway, its um very late but I was wondering if you wanted to get food, or order take out maybe?” Bucky had a look in his eye that you couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“Sushi?” you asked. Ever since you introduced it to him, it actually became one of his favorite foods.

The best part of it was you trying to teach him how to use chopsticks. It was an absolute disaster but an unforgettable night. At one point he just stabbed the roll with one of them and brought it up to his mouth but just before he could eat it fell on his lap, and he looked down at it, so heartbroken with puppy eyes and a pout that you just about died of laughter right there. But then he ate yours off of your chopstick right before you put the roll in your mouth, and smiled at you, his cheeks full of sushi almost as if he were so proud of himself. Your laughter never stopped, but then you decided to make another attempt at teaching him how to use them Then that lead to you holding his hands to position them to keep the chopstick properly, which lead to the two of you getting lost in the moment and Sam and Tony coughing loudly at the same time.

“Yeah sure, I'll order and meet you in my room? Also, I get to choose the movie this time. Saw was fucking creepy,” his voice echoed as he walked down the hall and visibly shuddered at the mention of the night that the two of you binged all the Saw movies.

“Says the hundred and one-year-old assassin!” you laughed.

“That guy has issues far worse than mine, and you know it!” he called out as he disappeared down the corner of the hall.

You shook your head and laughed at him while making way to your room so you could dump all the blankets and get a hoodie instead.

As you rummaged around you couldn’t find your favorite one, and so you settled for another one of your best ones. Most of your hoodies were oversized, so on lazy days it always felt like a huge soft, warm hug. You made your way to Bucky’s room. You walked in and threw yourself on his bed as he stood by the window finishing the order.

“Did you order my usual?” you asked while sorting his pillows into the most comfortable positions.

“You know I did.” He sat next to you and turned on the tv.

You cuddled up next to him as he lies down leaning his back against the headboard. An idea pops into your head.  

“Wanna watch the 2017 remake of King Kong? I haven’t seen it yet,”  you looked up at him as you asked.

His breath got caught in his throat and he just merely nodded at you, not that you had noticed.

A good twenty minutes into the film, the food had arrived, and Bucky went to collect it, which is when you noticed something. That hoodie looked eerily similar to your favorite which had magically vanished into thin air. It also was just the tiniest bit too small on his body, especially having trouble accommodating his broad shoulders. You giggled at the thoughts and decided to start the interrogation when he returned.

Just about ten minutes later he walked into the room, boxes of food piled up in his arms. Right before he was about to announce that dinner is served (because he is the dork of the century), you jumped up at the opportunity to catch him by surprise so that he would be honest with you.

“Hey Bucky, is that my hoodie, by any chance?” you stood on your knees so that you were at the same eyesight.

He thought you were way too close to him, and you shouldn't be wearing another one of your oversized hoodies he loved so damn much but wouldn't admit to. Your messy hair and snoozy eyes staring up at him in a challenge, asking him a question he wasn't ready to confront himself about.

“Uh, well, um, no,” his cheeks flushed, eyes widened, and he froze an antelope in headlights [i know I know don’t kill me]. “ I, got this hoodie when last time Steve and I went to Brooklyn.

“Really? Because mine was just about exactly the same, coincidence?” Oh teasing him was just about your favorite hobby.

“Yeah, coincidence,” he mumbled. Even the tips of his ears were turning into a shade of red.

You laughed at him, “ Is there a reason why its just a little bit too small for you?”

“It's comfier?” his statement hung in the air like an unanswered question.

“Okay, mister coincidence.” You had your share of teasing him for the night. You weren't that bothered by the theft of your best article of clothing; after all, it was Bucky and the fact that he stole your clothes just made your heart flutter and try to tear itself into little pieces. “ Let's eat before you turn into Nat’s hair.”

Both of you sat down on the bed and resumed the movie, opening the food boxes and laying them down between yourselves. You put the poxes together when you finished and then threw them in the trash. Your body was catching on to the sleepiness of your mind, and you made your way beak to cuddling Bucky. By the ending of the movie, you were almost asleep with your head on Bucky’s lap and his fingers threading through hair.

A low grumbling voice broke you out of your half dazed sleep, as he quietly asked: “Do you want it back, doll?”

Your brain didn't comprehend what he had said this late in the night, as well as how you were practically purring at the slow tug and faint scratches through your hair. His fingers stilled before he repeated himself.

“Do you want the hoodie back?” There was an edge to his voice, almost like he was on the verge of building up walls around himself to shield off any pain that may come from the oncoming conversation.

When you didn't answer since you were practically dozing off, he decided an explanation for his actions was due.

“I’m sorry for stealing it. It's just that your hoodies are always so big and comfy that they actually fit me, they smell like you, and they comfort me when you’re gone, and just everything about them is so you.” The words behind Bucky's lilting low voice made you lift your head up, and your eyes cover over with concern.

“I was teasing you earlier, Bucky. I love that you stole it and then bashfully denied that it was mine.” with your words, Bucky finally dared to look at you, with a small smile playing on the corner of his mouth. “Granted it was my favorite hoodie...” you grumbled playfully.

You were now fully facing him, with your weight distributed between the both of your hands on the bed, which rapidly changed with Bucky tackling you and landing on top while the two of you bounced on the bed.

Both of you burst out laughing, and without a second of thinking, Bucky closed the distance between your lips. Just as fast as he did that he pulled away fearful that he stepped over your boundaries, instinctively ready to hide, resulting in a soft peck that left you wanting, craving for more.

"Come back here right this second you thief. You already stole my hoodie, don't you dare rob me of my well-deserved kisses and happiness," your sleepy voice demanded of him, and this time it was his heart that was warming up and beaming from every angle.

"Right before I do-"

You cut off him speaking to mesh your lips against his, your delirious sleepy brain, not at all comprehending that this wasn't one of your many dreams. The tiny groan coming from the back of his throat spurged you on, and you ran your tongue along his lip before opening his mouth and delving deeper into the kiss.

Without pulling away, he muttered against your lips what he was previously was trying to say.

"What I was going to say earlier before I was so rudely interrupted was that would you do a favor for me?"

"There's very little I wouldn't do for you right now, as long as it gets you mouth back on mine: I'd set the entire world on fire," you sighed jokingly while rubbing your nose on his. Dear universe, you were happy that you could do this to him now.

"Would you wear your hoodie for a few days? It's starting to lose your scent, and that's actually one of the things I love most about it," his puppy eyes that he pulled out every time he asked anything, pleading with you.

You snorted at the notation. " You do see the irony of asking me to wear my hoodie, right?"

He let out a huff of laughter that passed through his body into yours, travelling through it, sending shivers down your spine as he put his face between the space of your neck and shoulder.

"Oh shut up. I thought I was cute and sweet."

"Cheesy."

One word out of you got him to give up another huff of laughter. He was so high over the moon for you.

"You promised me kisses, Barnes. If I don't get them, I will set the world on fire."

"I thought the deal was you do what I asked?" he questioned, his mouth got unbelievably close to yours, and you glanced down to see them in a perfect shade of red and pink.

"I'd told you I'd do anything."

"I'd say get on it then." It was mere seconds before the smirk was wiped off his face.

lemme know whatcha think--- love the feedback, always!!

masterlist

[welllbeing]

so idk what’s happening to me but like

my days are all running together. like I literally have alarms on my phone that go off all week just to remind me what day it is and basic tasks that i do every single week but I still set the alarms because i am about 73% sure I’ll probably forget what day it is at some point during the week and wont realise it until friday when everyone is asking about my weekend plans. you know the other week when I thought it was wednesday for like three days? yeah like that.

and then i also have them for basic every day tasks like taking my meds and brushing my teeth and showering. like these things used to be engraved in me, I would religiously shower every night and brush my teeth no less than twice a day, it was habit, but in the past few months i have been forgetting EVERYTHING and i will literally wake up at 3am and my brain is like ‘SHIT WE DIDNT SHOWER’ and then i cant sleep until i wash so i will literally wash myself in the sink so i dont wake myself up too much and can still go back to sleep after or i will wake up to brush my teeth and go back to bed.

my meals are all off wack because sometimes i forget to eat, some times ill forget that i already ate and will eat again, and sometimes i eat normally but just at weird times because my timing is off. for instance, on thursday, for whatever reason, my brain was like 3 hours behind so i ate breakfast around 11 (I remember because i didnt finish since i had to go get lunches for my boss’s meeting and I do that at 11), lunch at like 4 (I remember that because I left work shortly after and i leave at 4), and then didnt notice until i was ready to eat dinner because it was totally dark outside that something was off. i think thats just because im used to it getting dark early though idk.

but anyway yeah ive been forgetting about stuff like that and ive also been forgetting about people too like I would always call grandma at least every other day but now its been about a week and i literally just realized as i was typing this that i havent called her. and i have been totally forgetting that i have a boyfriend like he probably doesnt think i love him now because ive only remembered to text him twice in the past week and a half and then i just forget entirely until someone asks me about my boyfriend and im like ‘oh yeah.. I have one of those.’ and its nothing that they did, im just stuck in a really weird headspace and it’s progressively getting worse.

it just started as constantly feeling emotionally and physically disconnected from everything. it hard to explain but i have one general emotion that just very ‘whatever’ about everything. like i have no interest in anything anymore, i dont feel excitement or pleasure when i do things i usually like, it feels different than depression to me because i dont typically feel sad or down i just feel.. idk. like a robot? like im doing things because im programmed to do them rather than because i have an interest in trying to do them. like i just dont care about anything and its not in a cynical or angry way, I just feel neutral about everything if that makes sense. anyway, now its that in addition to forgetting everything and then this week its all of that and also the random crying and depression but i know thats just because i started my period and thats what always happens

so idk maybe this is a form of depression i just haven’t experienced yet but its just really weird and i dont want it to stay like this

i mean i even feel disconnected from my boyfriend, i havent talked to him much because i forget and because i just havent wanted to. i dont get the butterflies with him anymore, the puppy love is gone, and now that i think about it im not really even sure if its just moved to that ‘im used to you and am comfortable with you so this is just a normal every day thing now’ or if this is me falling out of love with him. if its the former then thats fine because when he gets back then maybe all of that will come back, like maybe its just because I was gone and then he was gone and its just been a while since we’ve been able to spend any real time together so maybe when I see him things will be normal. but if its the second reason then im afraid that when he gets back im just not gonna have any of those good feelings anymore and im not gonna feel any of that and then I’ll feel like the biggest asshole in history because he has been the sweetest guy ever to me but my head still decided that it didnt want him

maybe this is all just something that will pass? maybe my meds just arent the right ones? maybe im just getting worse? i dont know anymore

[contrivedcoincidences6]

15 and 27 MSR

15. “I’ve never felt this way before….and it scares the shitout of me.” 27. “I love you, you asshole.”

From this prompt list

Edited by @alittlemissfit

This is gonna hurt. I’ll probably write a second part. I had an idea like this floating around but was inspired by @wtfmulder‘s condom fic and the idea solidified into something you guys are going to yell at me for. 

He was drunk and making a mistake. Even as he pushed intoher he knew it was a mistake but it had been so damn long and he was so damnlonely. Back when he’d first met Diana they had seemed like a match made inheaven, they had all the same interests and she didn’t think he was crazy. Ofcourse it didn’t last.

Diana wanted more than just the X Files, Mulder didn’t. Whenshe was offered a job in Europe she took it and left Mulder feeling empty andcheated.

She was an expert in Mulder manipulation and he knew it, butit didn’t stop him from falling into her traps every time. He’s always had aweakness for powerful women who show him attention.

Lately his favorite powerful woman, Scully, had not beenshowing him any attention so when Diana came to him with sweet words and sexyunderwear he gave in.

They drank and talked about old times and when she put herhand on his knee and told him how much he turned her on he kissed her.

When he closed his eyes he tried to imagine Scully butcouldn’t. Diana was so different than Scully he couldn’t even use his famousimagination to conjure her up.

The fact is that he had little interest in having sex withanyone besides Scully but he was frustrated with her and horny. Part of himwanted to spite her and he began to picture her face if she were to see them.

She’d been so indifferent to him lately and he’d do justabout anything to get the stony look off her face.

“Yes Fox….” Diana hisses in his ear and he pulls back.

“Don’t talk to me,” he says. Diana has been playing thisgame since she got back, stopping at his apartment at any hour, calling him inthe middle of the night, and Mulder knows she’s using him too.

He saw her jealousy over Scully and he knows that herattempts to be with him have only come from her wanting to mark her territory.They are both using each other and they know it. He doesn’t want her to pretendit’s more than that.

She just narrows her eyes and moves her hips in a way thatmakes him moan.

Afterwards she puts her clothes back on and leaves without aword. It’s fitting really that only minutes after Diana leaves Scully knocks onhis door for the first time in months.

Of course she would avoid him like the plague until the onenight he fucks a woman she can’t stand. For a cold moment he wonders if somehowshe knows. His earlier fantasies about her walking in on him and Diana don’tfeel pleasant anymore. Now the thought of Scully finding out fills him with allout terror.

He rushes to throw on some clothes before she lets herselfin but she never does. After he’s fully dressed in a tee shirt and sweats hegoes to open it, not sure what to think of her not just using her key.

“Scully,” he says, trying to act normal.

She nods at him and he can tell, suddenly, that she’s beencrying. He’s revolted with himself when he pictures Scully alone in herapartment crying while he fucks Diana.

The way she’s looking at him leads him to believe that she’snot been crying over him and he ushers her in.

“Are you okay?” he asks, rubbing her arms.

She shakes her head sadly and bites her lip.

The day had been a long one for Scully, filled with Mulder’shovering and background checks. He followed her around the bullpen like a lostpuppy and never got any of his own work done. As of late she had been feelinglike more of a babysitter than an FBI agent.

“So big plans for your Friday night, Scully?” he had askedher with an annoying grin. He knew damn well she never had plans.

“Just looking forward to a relaxing weekend alone.” She putemphasis on the last word and felt a pang of guilt at the fallen expression onhis face.

“Want to hit the town?” he asked and for a moment sheconsidered it but then remembered the contamination showers and their last bigargument about their current elephant, Diana.

“No thank you, Mulder, she responded evenly and collectedher things to avoid looking at him.

When she got home she decided to put on the TV and clean hergun. It was one of her typical Friday night activities that probably labeledher as a spinster. If she was being honest with herself she was depressed.

She’d been depressed ever since the X Files had been shutdown she just showed it in a different way than Mulder.

She expressed it by leaving her apartment only for work andshutting herself tight inside her own little world, Mulder expressed it bytrusting busty spies and slowly driving her insane.

As she began to clean her gun she tried to picture what anight out with Mulder would have been like. Though Mulder could be the mostselfish, pigheaded person she knew he was also, when he wanted to be,thoughtful and even romantic.

At the word romantic entering her brain Scully shook herhead at her own foolishness. Maybe once upon a time she had pictured that kindof relationship with Mulder but she realized these days that Mulder had eyesfor someone else. She didn’t doubt that he had once had romantic feelings forher but even if he still did Scully was not going to play second  fiddle in the band with Diana and the XFiles.

Sighing she opened the drawer to find another hankie andfound the photo of Emily that she hid away in there.

At the sight of the smiling little girl Scully felt a cagedsob rise in her chest. Images of Mulder’s tenderness with the sick child filledher mind as well as the flowers he’d brought to her funeral. He had been soperfect during that time, so tender and kind. He’d held her hand and talked heroff the cliff when she needed it. Scully couldn’t help but wonder where it hadall gone wrong.

The fact was that their relationship wasn’t going to heal ifno one took the first step and she knew that she needed to. No matter what shehad once wanted their relationship to be she knew that she still needed him in herlife. So she closed the drawer and gathered her things to go see him.

She didn’t wait a moment after parking before heading up thestairs, knowing that if she waited she would think better of it.

At his door she wrung her hands and hated that she felt sonervous about seeing Mulder. It showed her how bad things had gotten.

She didn’t use her key and instead waited for him andrehearsed what she’d say.

He was rumpled but wide-awake when he opened the door.Something was off and she wondered if he’d been watching one of his secretmovies before she arrived. She had to wrench that thought from her mind beforeit became distracting.

“Are you okay?” he asks tenderly and rubs her arms.

Scully feels the tears coming back and looks away.

“I just have been doing some thinking, I have not beentreating you fairly lately-” She began but he cut her off.

“Scully, I’ve been an asshole,” he said guiltily.

Scully’s hand covers one of his, “Maybe, but I shut youout.”

There is something about how desperate he is that issomewhat frightening to her. Her eyes track his face and suddenly land on apurplish mark on his neck. She freezes and so does he.

Mulder remembers the way Diana was sucking on his neck lessthan an hour before and knows without seeing it that she left a mark. Idly hewonders if she did it on purpose, one more way to fuck him.

“Scully?” He asks and hears the fear in his own voice.

She starts to pull away from him but he holds on to her.When her eyes meet his again they are wet with tears but not the sad ones frommoments before, these are angry tears.

She looks past him and he follows her gaze to Diana’spanties on the ground near the couch. Mulder knows this was purposeful and hefeels the heat of anger rise up in him.

While he’s distracted Scully pulls away from him and startstoward the door.

“Scully…” Mulder says helplessly.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it, Mulder.”

In an instant the anger that was directed at Diana focusesin on her.

“Is there some kind of secret rule I missed where we’re notallowed to fuck other people?” He can’t believe he hears the words coming fromhis own mouth and shrinks back.

Mulder expects fiery anger from her but when she turns backto him all he see is terrible sadness and he damns himself to hell.

“You’re right, Mulder. There’s no rule. You can do whateveryou want.” Her voice is despondent and Mulder tries to think of any way he cansalvage this. She is almost to the door and Mulder knows that if she leavesthey won’t ever discuss it again.

“Scully, please wait!” In a last ditch effort he movesforward and pulls her close. His arms wrap around her from behind and he burieshis face in her hair.

“Don’t leave, please.” He begs her and feels a tremor run throughher.

“Mulder, let me go.” Her voice is icy.

“She came over and I was so lonely, Scully. I knew it was amistake the whole time but I just couldn’t stop. Please, Scully. I’m so sorry.”He nuzzles her neck and tightens his arms around her

She wants to kill him. The pain and anger in her are sostrong that she’s afraid she might actually hit him. In the state he’s in he’dprobably let her.

“Who Mulder?” She knows who it was but needs to hear him sayit.

“It doesn’t matter.” He mumbles against her neck and despiteherself she feels a thrill between her legs.

“Was it Diana?” She finally asks.

He’s still against her and that’s an answer in itself.

“Please don’t leave me.” His breath is heavy on her neck.

She wants to turn into him and let him hold her but then shepictures those same arms wrapped around Diana. She imagines his lips kissinganother woman just hours before and her body hums with humiliation and anger.

Why should she feel this way? It wasn’t like she and Mulderwere sleeping together, they weren’t dating and yet she felt betrayed. Itdidn’t seem fair to either of them that they hang in this relationship limbo.

“I will no compete Mulder.” Scully says after a long pause.

“There is no competition.” Mulder’s pillowy lips pressagainst her neck.

“Well you just slept with another woman Mulder.”

Mulder sighs, “You slept with Ed Jerse.”

Anger wells back up again, “That is not the same and youknow it!”

Scully pulls herself out if his arms, cursing her weakness.

“It felt the same! I felt how you’re feeling now Scully! Iwas so angry and I knew you didn’t owe me anything but I felt like I’d beencheated on. I’ve never felt this way before… and it scares the shit out of me.I love you Scully.”

“It’s not the same Mulder.” Scully said weakly and recalledhim telling her he loved her in the hospital. She wonders if he’d meant itthen.

She breathes, “You know what I think about Diana.”

“I know.”

“And you have a history with her. Ed Jerse was just a onenight stand.”

“I want a future with you Scully.”

“Then why would you fuck you ex?”

“Because I’m an idiot. Because I was drinking and she wasthere and I was lonely.”

Scully could see he meant what he was saying but the paingnaws at her.

“I don’t love her Scully, I love you.” He cups her cheek.

“And I love you, you asshole. But I need some time tothink.”

When he was standing so close to her she had a hard timefocusing.

Mulder looks like he wanted to keep going but he just nods.

Scully gives him a short sweet kiss on the corner of hismouth and takes her leave.

[morningstarfallen1-archive]

Do the surprise me q's mun!!

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?[[ Tbh I don’t sleep anyway, so I’d basically just do what I already do, spend all my time playing PS4, browsing tumblr and smoking weed! ]]

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you own/owned?[[ My favourite piece of clothing right now would have to be my LiS T-Shirt! ]] 

3. What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue?[[ Would either have to be acting or MMA, completely different sides of the spectrum, but yeah! ]]

4. How often do you play sports?[[ I don’t at all. I used to play Badminton when I was in high school but that was it! ]]

5. What fictional place would you most like to go to?[[ NGL I would love to be in Storybrooke! Once Upon a Time is a brilliant show and I love all of the characters so I would have to say Storybrooke, yeah! ]]

6. What job would you be terrible at?[[ I would be atrociously bad at being an accountant or an English Teacher, I’m terrible with numbers and I’m dyselxic with reading! ]]

7. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance at winning a medal for?[[ Does smoking weed and being a lazy shit count because I’m sure I’d win gold? ]]

8. What skill would you like to master?[[ I would love to master playing at least one musical instrument, I only know basics of guitar, very very little piano, basic flute and obviously vocals but I would love to master one of them! ]]

9. What do you not want me to ask you?[[ …tbh I don’t mind what I’m asked so please feel free to ask me anything at all, I’ll be happy to either answer or expertly avoid answering it! ]]

10. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?[[ I would love to go on a major road trip to visit all the abandoned asylums of the world! Ngl I’m a bit of a weirdo like that but they always fascinate me! ]]

11. If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would you change and why? [[ I would change the fact that I am a major mind fuck and need to properly sort myself out before I ruin my own life and others around me :/ ]]

12. What’s your favorite drink? [[ Non-Alcoholic would have to be Irn Bru and Alcoholic would have to be Southern Comfort and Lemonade ]] 

13. What do you consider to be your best find? [[ I’m not even gonna try and make an answer up for this one, I have no idea, I have a memory like a sieve ]] 

14. Are you usually early or late?[[ I’m usually early. I HATE being late for things so I always try and make sure that I leave with plenty of time to spare! ]]

15. What pets did you have while growing up?[[ I had a puppy that unfortunately got run over because he escaped the house when he was only a few months old :( and I have also had a rabbit and 2 hamsters. I’ve not got any pets now though ]] 

16. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?[[ Relationship advice (funny seeing as I’m single and yet again questioning my sexuality :/) and Transgender issues and advice ]]

17. What takes up too much of your time?[[ UNI…UNI…OH DID I MENTION UNI?! ]]

18. What do you wish you knew more about?[[ I wish I knew more about the course I am currently doing at uni because I’m ngl I am genuinely going in blind here, I am at so much or a loss it’s unreal! ]]

19. What would be your first question after waking up from being cryogenically frozen for 100 years?[[ How much more have we fucked the world compared to 100 years ago? ]]

20. What are some small things that make your day better? [[ Weed, My friends (especially Tristan and Fraser), stupid jokes in the internet, listening to music ]]

21. Who’s your go-to band or artist when you can’t decide on something to listen to? [[ Pentatonix ]]

22. What shows are you into?[[ Well here is a list for ya:

Once Upon a Time

iZombie

The Walking Dead (Only on season 4, I know I’m slow!)

Rick and Morty

Big Mouth

Archer

Family Guy

Disjointed

American Horror Story

Gotham

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Grace and Frankie

Scream (Series)

23. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished?[[ To be perfectly honest. I’m most impressed with myself. I have accomplished so much in my life that it is hard to believe that am I were am I today, even if I do still suffer from depression and anxiety ]]

24. What age do you wish you could permanently be?[[ any age between 25 and 30 ]]

25. What would be your ideal way to spend the weekend?[[ In my bed, with munchies, my playstation controller and a huge bag of weed ]]

26. What’s something you like to do the old-fashioned way?[[ As much as MP3 and MP4 and all this sort of stuff are a great way for music moving forward, nothing will beat the sound that comes from a Vinyl record! ]]

27. What have you only recently formed an opinion on?[[ My own sexuality :/ ]]

28. What’s the single best day on the calendar?[[ Now that’s a hard one to choose tbh because everyone will more than likely choose one of the more obvious holidays such as Halloween, Christmas, Easter and their birthday, the usual ones to pick but tbh I would have to say the single best day on the calendar is The first day of Autumn, mainly because it means that all the best times in the year are usually about to happen :) ]]

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?[[ There are a lot of bands and artists that I am interested in that most people I know would never have heard of which is sad but it happens! ]]

30. What is the most annoying question that people ask you?[[ “Did you dye your hair blue because you’re a rangers supporter?” NO MY HAIR COLOUR HAS FUCK ALL TO DO WITH FOOTBALL!! ]]

31. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on without absolutely no preparation?[[ I gave a 30 minute presentation on teaching last year in uni without a lot of preparation so I’m sure I could pull a presentation about something I am actually interested in without any preparation at all! So I would have to say I could give a 40 minute presentation of Life is Strange with no problem at all xD ]] 

32. If you were a dictator of a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do?[[ I would more than likely just lower the prices of video games and consoles, legalize weed and get my people to build puppy cafes in every city and town xD ]]

33. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?[[ I feel that everyone show at least get to travel to a different country, no matter where it is, they should get to experience a different country to their own at least once. ]]

34. What’s worth spending more on to get the best?[[ Weed :P I’m sorry have I mentioned that I am a stoner? ]]

35. What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of?[[ Game of Thrones… I am so sorry guys, I just don’t get it. I’ve seen a couple of episodes and I just don’t see why it’s such an obsessive program ]]

36. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years[[ Graduating from Uni with a BA (Hons), Going to Florida again next year, Going to see Katya in Feb, Going to Amsterdam with my friends and hopefully finally sorting myself out and realizing what I truly want in life. ]]

37. Where is the most interesting place you’ve been?[[ Isle of Man. It is such a historical little place and so full of info and interesting stuff! ]]

38. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to?[[ There are a few games that I keep saying I’m gonna give them a go and still haven’t gotten around to doing so! ]]

39. What’s the best thing that happened to you last week?[[ I met a good group of people that have become good friends while I was in Italy last week! ]]

40. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind so that you could experience it for the first time again?[[ Life is Strange! ]]

41. If all jobs had the same pay and hours, what job would you like to have?[[ A video game tester! ]]

42. How different was your life one year ago?[[ It wasn’t much different from what it is now. Still working in the same job, still single as fuck, still a student, so yeah, not much different at all ]] 

43. What’s the best way to start the day?[[ If possible, with a little wake and bake but if not then a good cup of coffee or tea and a good bed stretch! not in the order obviously! ]]

44. What quirks do you have?[[ I don’t really know my own quirks, my friends seem to point them out to me now and again, like apparently I pull the same face in all my selfies, I’m quite ocd when it comes to putting money into my wallet, they notes have to be facing the same way and put into order of note worth xD ]] 

45. What would you rate 10/10?[[ Chloe Price is 10/10 in my eyes! ]]

46. What kind of art do you enjoy most?[[ Music. Music is my favourite kind of art ]] 

47. What do you hope never changes?[[ to be honest, I really don’t know. There are that many things in my life that I do want to change that I can’t think of anything I don’t want to change. ]] 

48. What city would you most like to live in?[[ I already live in Glasgow and even if I do say I hate the place I actually love it, it’s a beautiful city, just a lot of the people here are dickheads! ]]

49. What movie title best describes your life?[[ A Series of Unfortunate Events ]] 

50. What’s the best way a person can spend their time? [[ The best way to spend your time is by doing something you enjoy and not something that makes you feel like you just want to give up all the time. ]]

[jeanniex27]

A Dog is a Man’s Best Friend

Short story #1

“Please, please, please, dad, pleeaaaseeeee”, Nico pleaded with his father, Mark.

“Nico, that is enough, there is no way we’re gonna get a dog. It’s a lot of work and you’re not gonna do any of it”, Mark responded.

“Come on, dad, I promise I’ll take care of it. I’ll walk it, I’ll clean up its poop, everything!”, Nico pressed on.

Mark took a deep breath and sighed. “Go talk to your mother”, he said.

Nico left the living room and made his way over to his mother in the kitchen. “Mom, can we please get a dog?”, he begged.

Karen put down the dish towel and the pan she was cleaning to turn around and face his son. “What do you want a dog for?”, she arched her eyebrows and inquired.

“To play with, to have a friend who is always loyal and there for me”, Nico answered.

“I’m always there for you”.

“But I can’t scratch your belly and play catch with you”.

Karen laughed at that. Smiling, she said: “You make a compelling point”.

An excited smile spread across Nico’s face, “does that mean I’m getting a dog?”.

“You know what, kid? You’re twelve now and I think you’re responsible enough to take care of a dog. Alright, let’s do it, we’ll go to the shelter this weekend, go tell your father”, Karen declared.

Nico screamed at the top of his lungs and jumped up and down. “I’M GETTING A DOG! I’M GETTING A DOG!”, he yelled.

“Mark, we’re getting your son a dog”, Karen shouted into the living room.

“Yeah I can tell”, Mark replied, making his way over to the kitchen. “You were already planning on getting a dog, weren’t you?”, he asked.

“Yep, just wanted him to work for it”, she smiled at her husband.

The couple laughed and watched their son dance around the house.

“Hey, did you hear back from Dr. Adler about the biopsy result?”, Mark asked.

“Uh, no, still waiting”, Karen’s face suddenly sours, as she turned her back against her husband.

The mood suddenly dropped, and Mark put his hand on Karen’s shoulder. “Hey, whatever it is, it’s gonna be okay, alright?”, he comforted.

“Yeah, yeah, of course”, Karen forced a fake smile. “I have to go back to these dishes”.

Karen waited for Mark to leave the kitchen. She put her hands on her breasts, it was as if she could feel the lumps inside, attacking her cells, as a tear streamed down her face…

Nico had Max, his golden retriever, for about a year now and they are definitely best friends. Everyday Nico comes home from school they play together until his mother yells at them for dinner, where Nico always remembers to drop some food on the floor.

It was a normal Wednesday at school when it happened, and it happened so fast Nico didn’t remember half of it. The only thing he remembered was glimpses of the principle calling him out of the classroom, getting to the hospital, seeing his father crying, and being explained that he no longer had a mother. It all felt unreal to Nico, he didn’t even register it, and barely remembers going home. The only thing he could recall from that day was going absolutely numb, as he felt Max climb into his lap to try to comfort him.

Sourced from: https://www.livescience.com/20823-canine-comfort-dogs-understand-emotion.html

Nico laid in his bed, refusing to go to school. Mark stood by the bed and tried to wake his son. “It’s been three months, Nico, you have to go to school”, he coaxed, but to no avail, and Mark was losing his patience. Suddenly, without even realizing, he yelled: “go to school, NOW!”.

Nico was startled as tears streamed down his face. Mark, realizing what he did, tried to recover.

“I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“, he started, but it was too late, Nico jumped out of bed and ran as fast as he could out of the house.

Nico ran until he couldn’t anymore. He found a bench and just sat in the park for what felt like hours. He didn’t even recognize Max when he jumped up onto the bench next to him.

“Hey, where did you come from? Did you follow me from out of the house?”, he asked.

Max’s response was to lick Nico’s face, along with the tears on it. It made Nico laugh, finally for the first time since losing his mother. Nico laughed and laughed while Max ran around, chasing his own tail. For the first time in a while, Nico realized that as long as he had Max, he could be happy.

Sourced from: https://gfycat.com/dampwarygrayreefshark

When Nico and Max went home that night, Nico apologized to his father and the pair talked it out. They ate dinner, watched TV, and played with Max all night, and they finally felt like a family again.

Sourced from: https://www.youworkforthem.com/photo/164843/father-and-son-walking-with-a-dog-in-the-park

Short story #2 

Nico stood on his front porch and called his dog Max in from the backyard. He just about finished packing his boxes into his dad’s truck. Max ran excitedly towards his owner as Nico hugged Max in a warm embrace and petted him.

“You’re a good boy, Max, the best dog in the world”, Nico said as he handed him some treats.

Max ate his treats happily while wagging his tail. “I’m gonna miss you, buddy”, Nico said with a wistful smile on his face.

“Nico, you ready?”, Mark, Nico’s father, called from the truck.

“Yeah, just a minute”, Nico called back. He gave Max one more pat on the head and brought him back into the house. Before he locked the door, he gave the house one more look. He had spent the first eighteen years of his life in this house, and now he was about to leave and become an adult. His college was a couple hours away so he could come back and visit his family, but it still made him sad to leave his father and dog behind. Nico looked towards the dresser by the door. On it sat a picture frame with a photo of his mother, Nico, and Max. It was taken the day that they got Max from the shelter and it held a very special place in Nico’s heart. It was the best day of his childhood, before a year later it all would be crashing down when his mother passed away from cancer. Nico went through a rough time, but it was Max who made him happy again. Nico looked over at his golden retriever, who was staring back at him, unaware of what was about to happen.

“I promise I’ll come visit every weekend, okay?”, Nico petted Max, “that’s a good boy, Max”.

Nico grabbed the picture frame from the dresser and headed out towards his father’s truck.

As he climbed into the seat beside his father, Mark noticed the picture that Nico held in his hand.

Mark smiled thoughtfully. “She would be so proud of you, son”, he said.

“Thanks, dad”, Nico answered.

“Alright, let’s get going so you can get the good side of the dorm room first”, Mark started the engine.

“Okay, let’s go”, Nico laughed….

Sourced from: https://www.gettyimages.ca/detail/video/pickup-truck-driving-away-from-frame-on-two-lane-highway-news-footage/548908741

Nico blinked his eyes open but was met with blinding bright lights. His head felt hazy and his body was sore. He tried to make out where he was and suddenly remembered what happened. He remembered the sudden screeching halt his dad made, the loud crash that followed after, and the other car that was collided into his dad’s truck….

After the doctors and nurses explained to him what happened, Nico learned that he had suffered severe damages and had to have multiple risky surgeries, that might end up in him losing motor functions. He also learned that his father was okay, but also needed surgeries. Nico nodded his head and went back to rest, prepping for his surgery later that day.

Sourced from: http://cphpost.dk/news/patient-safety-incidents-in-danish-hospitals-seriously-under-reported.html

Three months later Nico is back in his childhood home. It was funny to him, really. He spent so much time saying goodbye to this place and literally the day he left he had to get into an accident and delay his college. He scrolled through his phone to see his college friends having phone, without him. He needed another couple months of recovery before he could be in school. Nico spent most of his days laying in bed. Max waited by the bed everyday, waiting for his owner to play with him, but Nico became more depressed each day.

But Max didn’t give up. Everyday he wagged his tail and licked Nico’s face to wake him up and play. He would bark at him and give him to ball to throw. Until one day, Max brought something else to Nico that he didn’t expect. It was the picture frame of his mother. Upon seeing it, Nico started crying. He held Max close to him. “Good boy, Max, good boy”, he cried all that night.

Later that week Nico got out of bed, he threw Max his ball and saw him run around the yard. And for the first time in three months, he smiled again. He saw that he could still be happy, because his best friend Max was always going to cheer him up.

Short story #3

“Dad, look!”, 5 year old Tommy yelled as he tugged at his dad’s shirt.

“Yeah, buddy?”, his father, Nico, asked.

Nico turned around to see his son point at a truck parked in the parking lot of the grocery store they had just came out of. The pair walked towards the truck and Nico realized what was inside the back of the truck. It was a litter of puppies in boxes that were up for adoption. Immediately Nico felt wistful, because he was reminded of his childhood dog, Max, who was his best friend from ages twelve to twenty eight, when Max passed away from old age. It was a hard day for Nico because Max was his best friend and had got him through everything, from his mother passing away when he was thirteen, to recovering from a car accident he went through at eighteen. Now a thirty year old man, with a job, a wife, and a son, he didn’t have the time to even think about getting a dog.

“They’re so cute, daddy!”, Tommy shrieked, “can you please bring one home? Please?”

“I don’t know, Tommy, dogs are a lot of work and we won’t have the time”. Nico said, but in his heart he knew he wanted to, as he smiled at his son, who had one of the golden retriever puppies in his arms and was laughing at him licking his face.

“Please, dad, I’ll take care of him, I promise. We don’t have a dog in the house anymore ever since Max went away to The Land for Old Dogs so far south we couldn’t visit!”, Tommy pleaded.

Nico smiled at that. “Yes, exactly, son, that’s where Max went”. Tommy took the puppy from his arms and handed it to his father, and Nico’s heart melted immediately. The golden retriever licked Nico’s face and wagged his tail, exactly like how Max did. He laughed and looked at his son. Nico thought back to his when he was a kid and how every time he went through something, he had a loyal friend to lay a shoulder on. It was only fair that he gave his son the same thing.

“Alright, you know what, buddy, your mom and I have actually been talking getting a dog”, Nico declared, “let’s bring him home”.

Nico couldn’t help but admire the energy of his tiny son who was jumping up and down the parking lot along with his new puppy as they made their way home.

Sourced from: https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/266416134179497380/?lp=true

They named the new puppy Mickey and he immediately became a part of the family. When Tommy went to elementary school, he faced a tough time because he was excluded from the other kids. Luckily, Mickey always came and played with him to make him feel better. When Nico was laid off from his job, Mickey also noticed something was wrong with his human and licked his face until he laughed. When Nico’s wife, Amelia, had troubles with her second pregnancy, Mickey’s incessant energy reminded her that it’s all going to be okay. As Tommy grew up, he realized his favourite childhood memories are with his dog and best friend. Growing up, every time he went through something, it was Mickey who made him get through it. It was Mickey who made his childhood everything it was, and proved that dogs really are a man’s best friend.

[evansrogerskitten]

My Seacon 2017

Thought I'd summarize my experience at Seacon this last weekend. Mostly for me cuz I'm in serious con withdrawals. I'm SO SAD it's over. 😂 con depression is a real thing! I hate having to go back to normal life as if this weekend didn't change me. I'm not sharing my photo opp pics here on Tumblr. I love my anonymity here. I'm gonna share the details anyways. Saturday! Mark P. is fab. Says we're gonna hate Luci so much! Matt photo opp was great, he fixed my hair that was in my face, it was so cute. Split a R2M group photo with my friend- again more Matt hugs. Rob is precious! My meet and greet with R2M was totally worth it. I felt very comfortable with them. In person Matt is the exact same, Rob is more subdued, and Rich is a little more standoffish. All three made good eye contact though, answered our questions sincerely. So funny. Good people. Matt is very affectionate. After the meet and greet I sat next to him for the group photos so he put his arm around me, and then he and Rob hugged all of us as we left. The m&g is totally worth the price. Rob and Rich are hilarious on stage. I enjoyed them the most. Besides J2 of course. Now I am not a Cas or Misha girl but after seeing him irl- on stage and in the hallway randomly going somewhere, I must say he is so hot! Just acknowledging him, I busy enough with Winchesters 😉 But I have a new Misha appreciation. And oh Misha, please corral your children. I don't like kids, so maybe it's just me. But it was cute the first time. The other 5 times they galloped up and down the aisles and interrupted the panel was annoying. And for Chuck's sake- if you are able to go to a con, and lucky to ask a question- over so many others who'd sell their soul to do so- STOP asking the cast about fanfiction! They don't ship anything cuz they don't read fanfiction. They've said it multiple times. Stop asking about it. You do you, ship whoever the fuck you want. But it's been asked and answered. Ask a legit good question where we learn something about the show, not your need to giggle about if they ship Wincest. Fanfic is for us. Not them. Stop it. The evening was great- SNS Concert amazing. Rob Benedict is a rock god. He was truly moved by the tribute of the little lights. I cried. Listened/danced from the standing area by the stage, way better than the seats. Wished they'd covered Carry On. But it's ok, another time. Sunday. I have a lot to say. Jensen. There is no word that we can use in fanfic that could describe the presence that is Jensen. He's intense and intimidating and so beautiful. I was nervous about my photo opp for months. Then it was finally here and I thought I was just gonna fall over or run away. As I was going through the line I could progressively see him and it really didn't help cuz...he's Jensen. As I stepped up to the line and said hi, I was shaking from the adrenaline. He smiled and said Hi-yes just in that charming, matter of fact, Jensen way-and I just went into his open arms and I was shakingghhh. I actually almost fucking swooned! So he tightened his arms around me even tighter to comfort me. And as soon as he did that I realized it was ok. Then it was over and HE LOOKS STRAIGHT AT ME, his hand on my back and he's smiling and I say I love you and he says thank you so genuine and kind. Side note: When Jensen looks in your eyes, he LOOKS in your eyes. And the green wasn't what I expected. Maybe it was the oatmeal color of that extremely soft Professor sweater he was wearing/torturing me with, or when we see his eyes on TV or in pictures the color is adjusted. It's not the kelly green I expected, but more olive. Still the most beautiful eyes I've ever looked into. Still took my breath away. Anyways then I see Clif standing close by, so like a creeper I touched his arm and said Hi Clif, you're awesome. And he says Thanks and then I go out in the hallway and cry for 10 minutes. So overwhelmed but also fuck yes, I did it. THEN J2. I wasn't as nervous. Whether it was the nerves were gone after Jensen earlier or it was the giant adorable puppy that was goofing off as I was in line. Jared is awesome! He was happy and cool with everyone. They were more approachable, I think Jared's lightheartedness balances Jensen's intensity. Anyways I kinda skipped/danced over to them like a happy go lucky fool, Said Hi guys! All excited. And they both said Hi! Jensen opened his arms and again I just went to him and hugged him so tight. Jared wrapped his long arms across us and rested his head against mine (holy shit, my new fanfic line.) and then they just let me go when it was done. And me, like a crazy person, looks at Jensen again and I say I love you. This time the response was more robotic. He must hear it all the time. (In my defense I meant to say it to them both but I couldn't look away from him. Cuz Jensen. I also wanted to say I love your wives and congrats on the babies but didn't.) I've had a few people ask me how they smell- ummm, like Heaven? 😉 it's so difficult to describe. Jared was kinda fresh like some kind of delicious shampoo or soap (conditioner from the hotel?) 😉. Jensen...he's can't be described. It's like spring without flowers but with a delicious musk. So good. Side note: I don't know what cologne Matt wears, but he smelled so amazing. But I was spoiled and hugged him three times. Anyways, go out, find friends, day is great from there. Enjoyed their panel, so happy I have now seen Jensen sing and dance irl! Both Marks and Jared to alluded to how big the end of the season is. We're gonna hate Luci and Jared was surprised by the script. You can see the panels online, no need to summarize. So there you go- Successful con! I hugged all 3 Winchester men 😉 Plus Chuck and Gabriel. Not bad for my first SPN con. Yes Creation is very expensive but it's also very organized, the workers were all so nice and besides a few annoying audience people yelling out shit, it was the best con I've ever been to. Thrilled to meet @saxxxology @quiddy-writes and my FB group friends and some new people. You know it's a Supernatural con when you leave with more friends than you had when you got there. ❤️ So...considering it's me and I just met J2...Anyone interested in a very smutty Sam and Dean sandwich fanfic? 🔥 Cuz I gotta channel this somewhere LOL See you at Vegascon!

[massivelymagnificentsoul]

The story of how you lost me

welcome, non-existent followers, to my emotional speech,

 I was 9 when I first met you. It was , at least from my side, friendship from first sitting order. Because u kno ... we sat next to each other ‘n stuffs hihi. Thus began the journey of You and Me : I guess you’re my best friend featuring old close friend 1, old close friend 1 and of course your new  BFF. 

The first year was not our best. Simply putting it you were a bitch and you treated me like trash but i guess that’s understandable since you hated me (and i wrote heart like this: hart) but i didn’t know  and when i found out... it broke my heart. Thinking back now i think it broke me. See i never could forget that.. even when you came up to me and said “ let’s open a new page” with a smile on your face with our old close friends standing behind you nodding along. Nevertheless we did. 

We wrote a book you and I. It lasted 6 years, 2 months, 26 days. 

In fifth grade we we’re awesome, the four of us, we laughed and talked, had slumber parties and lived that 11 year old life and i truly believed i finally had friends. In sixth grade it was only the two of us and i liked it better that way, you said you did too. It was one of the best years of my life, I had never been this close to you before, you see, and i loved it. i loved you. You loved me back. Seventh grade and eighth grade were pretty much the same, you and i laughing and talking all the time. You were like a sister to me and you made my life better. Ninth grade is were it started to hurt, being your friend,. ever since you broke my heart i knew, i knew that one day you’ll leave. I knew that I wasn’t enough for you, you needed more than i could ever offer. I knew I’ll wake up one day and I’ll mean no more than a fond memory. You were so great that i felt small next to you but i loved you so much. i loved you and i knew you like the back of my hand and more importantly i understood you.

In ninth grade we started a new thing “i love you in case I die” you’ll say and i’ll reply with a “ I love you until I die”, everyday as we leave school. I remember you asked me how i could love you until i die because i didn’t know if you’re gonna kill my parents one day. My answer was as stupid as the question really. “ well it means i love the current you until i die. The you of this minute, if you kill my parents tomorrow doesn’t mean i didn’t love you today” you see i’m weird like that *wink* . It went downhill for us when you befriended him the boy who will one day be the cause of all your tears. You didn’t know that though and neither did i. He brought you so much happiness you beamed. I loved him for you, as sad as i was not being your number one anymore i was happy for you. i could never be sad about your happiness. You talked to him 24/7 there isn’t much time for me in there. Still i didn’t complain. Even when we talked, we talked about him still i never complained. Even though  I loved him for you I despised him for myself. I was so lonely but you were so elated. I missed you so much but you loved him.

I cried. I got depressed. and when i thought we’ll never be the same.. you proved me wrong. You brought me into your friendship and I was a important part of you’re life again. So started the best part of my life thus far yet the fall was far bigger than the rise and the price for happiness was more than I could afford. I was with you from the moment you started loving him until the moment you both hurt each other and all the happiness you found in each other turned to tears and pain. It was the height of our friendship yet it was probably the saddest time in your life but I had never loved you and felt loved by you as i did at that time. Come the new school year and the new class came new friends for the both of us. We went out every weekend and talked all the time. We were friends, for the first time ever i had friends that weren’t you. For the first time ever i had a crush on a sweet sweet boy. For the first time ever I was in a relationship and I was happy. You were not. You didn’t think it made sense , that it was just child's play. You weren’t wrong though but when it started to go downhill I couldn’t talk to you about it. Part of me knew you didn’t really care and that it would just waste your time i didn’t want to do that to you so I didn’t talk. When i desperately needed you i wouldn’t let myself have you. After three months when we broke up you patted me on the head like a lost puppy. I looked around and noticed suddenly that I didn’t have you anymore. i had no one. i was alone, lonely and i missed you so much. 

You left me behind, threw me out of your life, i was caught off guard. You see I never imagined it would happen so fast. That someone can lose love for someone so quick. That you could replace me so fast and so easily. It broke my heart. You broke my heart. I cried, I mourned i so was depressed and filled with self-loathing it scared me. At some point i couldn’t take it, I didn’t want to lose you so easily i was gonna fight for you, even if it’s against you. i really thought i would You told me i should and that there was always a place for me in your life. You told me i was being stupid. The thing is, however,  that you say something and act the other. I couldn't do it anymore . I gave up. Look at us now. Not best friends. Not close friends. Not friends. Not acquaintances. Not strangers . Something less than strangers even though we know everything about each other. I know you did’t mean to hurt me in any way i know you didn’t actively choose this, i understand how we got here. But there’s something wrong with you, you don’t even acknowledge my existence anymore, you sit there happy and shining as the sun with the friends i thought we shared and i’m happy for you, i promise i am, but you don’t see me sitting in that corner forcing myself to hate you to save me from hating myself. 

I still love every you i said i would love until i die. But there’s a reason I stopped saying these words to you and a reason you didn’t notice

[blimbie]

2/26/18

im going to have a total left hip replacement tomorrow. im not too nervous im mostly just thinking that I didn't follow the pre-op directions correctly and they won't do the surgery. I took Advil 2 days ago and I wasn't supposed to (I was supposed to stop taking it on the 20th bc it's an anti inflammatory medicine and I guess you're not supposed to do that). I'm hoping it still works out and everything, I'm ready to just get this fucken thing done and not be in so much pain.

Emily has been so nice she's bought a bunch of movies and she's gonna sit with me when she gets home this weekend and watch some. I love her so much. she reblog stuff about not being straight and we've talked about how a lot of people aren't just plain and simple on sexuality, it works as more of a spectrum and I agree with that.

Sadie has a boyfriend named Dylan and I'm really happy for her, he seems so incredibly nice and she truthfully does deserve to be with such a caring, loving person. I've been over her house a couple times, got to pet some cows. my fave one (katie) had her baby and I haven't gotten to see it in person but from the snapchats she's sent me it looks like it's really cute. sadie is right, cows are honestly big grass dogs. they love being pet.

buster is doing okay, we give him a quarter pill in a little treat picket thing in the morning and at night and he seems to be doing decent. he's still p skinny but hasn't lost any of his annoying/"charming" spirit.

I made an amazing painting for Emily of princess leia. it's the best painting I've ever made so far, 100% sure. she asked me to make it for her before she started school this year and I drew it out and painted a little of it but I wasn't feeling it, I could tell something about it didn't look right but I didn't know how it needed to be fixed.

note to self: if having a hard time figuring out what exactly is wrong with the piece of art you're working on, put it aside for a while and then come back to it. having a fresh point of view can help you see the exact flaws easier.

after putting it aside for a couple months, I was able to see what I needed to do and I got right to it. it only took me like three days to finish the whole thing, I was really feelin it. I think it revived in me some of my desire to make art.

Emily's brother got a little corgi puppy, Finley. he's super cute I love him so much. very much a quality dog. his girlfriend of course is being very over the top about it (she bought a fucken baby bag for the dog with its name embroidered into it). hopefully it all works out and Emily's brother will learn to stand up for himself and tell her she's being ridiculous about the dog. we'll see

in general, every thing is doing okay. I still get in a pit of sadness every once in a while but I usually can get myself out of it after a little bit. I'm on medical leave from work until like the end of April so I won't be working for a while which could be good or bad. initially I was excited about not having to work for a while (I still kind of am) but I hope it won't like mentally bother me. I'm anxious that I'll either not want to work anymore or will be so depressed the whole time I'm not working, like before I got my job. once again i guess we'll see

im trying not to overthink things and sort of let them unfold as they will and react then instead of now. it's still a work in progress but I think I'm doing better.

thanks for listening :•)

[capraqua]

blank (sf9 angst)

Dawon: a blank space that can never be filled

I feel the heat of the sun burning against my hand. I wake up slowly, another boring day at school. I look at her seat, a mannerism I developed from the previous year and I see no one there. I chuckle to myself and remember that no one has been there for a month. I sat up slowly, scrubbing my eyes and the teacher notices. She was about to call me out but then looked at me as if she just remembered something. She looked at me with pity.

“Dawon, why don’t you go to the clinic to rest up. It looks like you’re going to be more comfortable on a bed rather than your desk.” I didn’t say anything. I just got up, took my bag, bowed to her and walked out of the room. The other students are in their classes now, it makes the school look more quiet and I feel more isolated. I’m not usually like this, sleeping in class, not paying attention to the teacher. I’m always at the top of my class, always studying, always hanging out with friends, always smiling with her. Her smile resurfaces from my memory. 

I shake my head, trying to get rid of the thought as I neared the clinic. I looked through the windows and saw that the nurse was writing down something on a clipboard. She looked distracted enough that I stealthily sped past her door and went out of the school doors. I can’t stay here, everything reminds me of her. I walked past the gates, ignoring the protest of the guard and turned the corner towards the bus station.

I stand still, waiting for a bus. I don’t care where it goes. I just need to get her off my mind. A bus arrives, I go inside and I take a seat at the farthest one from the doors. I plug my earphones in and tried to listen to some songs but all of them reminds me of the times when we ride the same bus home, sharing earphones and bopping at the same time to the beat of the song. The bus stopped and I notice that I’m the only one inside. The driver tells me that this is his last stop. 

I get out and walk absentmindedly. I don’t know where to go. I feel lost. There’s something in my chest that feels so heavy and it gets heavier as time goes on. I stopped at my tracks as I realized where I was. Standing at the same soft grass a month ago, it looks like someone had replaced my flowers from a week before. I sat down in front of the cold, stone slab and stared at the date engraved.

1997-2017

Tears started stinging my eyes as I remember all the times that we shared. She was my life, my sunshine, my everything but my world came to an abrupt stop a month ago when she got into that accident. I was sad. I was angry. I was depressed. I felt like drowning and everything hurts to death. I can’t remember me without her. I can’t even remember being happy. My heart will always have this blank space that will never be filled.

Taeyang: cold, empty and blank

I noticed someone walking outside the classroom. It’s Dawon again, I wonder where he’s going to this time. He’s been like that ever since she died. I feel so sorry for the boy. I focus on the lesson instead and listen to the teacher in front. A piece of paper flew from my right side. I side eye Chani and he mouths that I should read what was written on the paper.

Check out the latest school news!

I stealthily got my phone from my pocket and made sure that the teacher wasn’t looking my way. I logged onto the school’s news webpage when the bell rang for lunch. I almost fell from my seat in surprise as I gripped the phone in my hand. My classmates stood up to go to the cafeteria when Chani approached me, putting his arms around me.

“Well? Did you check the website?” Chani asked. “Not yet.” I replied. “Let’s eat first.”

I opened my phone as we walked to the cafeteria. There she was, her face strewn across the webpage. They wrote another article about her because her group made a comeback recently. I still remember the last time we spoke to each other. It was a nasty break up but I love her so much that I just let her go to do what she wants.

~Flashback~

“Taeyang, jagi, we need to talk” She looked at me quietly but her hands are fumbling with her necktie. Something was up, she has a problem. She always does that with her clothes if she has something on her mind. I follow her outside where we sat on a secluded bench behind the school building.

“What is it, jagi? Is something wrong?” I asked her as I rubbed circles on her back.

“Taeyang, I’m gonna drop out of school soon to work on our group’s debut.” She admitted.

“You’re gonna leave me here?” I asked her with puppy dog eyes. She looked at me, sighed and took my hands in hers. I sat up because she never does that. I’m usually the one who initiates skinship. I face her and she breathed deeply.

“I don’t think we should continue this relationship further. Taeyang, I’m breaking up with you.” she finally said, eyes closed, wincing, like it was painful to let out.

“Oh,” I said. I stayed quiet, dumbfounded by her statement. I mean, we are drifting farther apart from each other lately but I always send her texts and call her when she’s resting. I look at my hands and stayed seated on the bench. She got up and stood in front of me. She took my face in her hands and wiped the tears that I didn’t notice were falling already. She gave me a quick peck on the lips, said she was sorry and turned to leave me crying quietly on the bench. I didn’t go to school the next day. I didn’t even get up from my bed. I was feeling cold and empty. I was feeling blank.

Jaeyoon: Gone

I sighed as I notice another student bringing out his phone while I am in the middle of my lesson. I ignored it and continued to point out the relationship of demand and supply to these high schoolers as I heard the bell ring for lunch. I dismiss the class and head to the teacher’s lounge to get some coffee. Another teacher, clad in a brown sweater approaches me.

“I heard you we’re moving apartments. Do you need any help moving? I have the weekend free.” Youngbin asked.

“Aren’t you going to Busan with your girlfriend?” I asked back. He shook his head and pat me on the back.

“Nah, something came up and she couldn’t go.” he replied.

“It’s okay. I’ve already moved some of the big stuff last weekend. Thanks for the offer.” I said. He nodded his head okay and went back to his desk, sipping the coffee he got from the machine. I just couldn’t wait for this day to be over.

[timeskip]

I wait for the elevator as another person arrives and wait with me. It’s my neighbor, I think his name is Rayoon or something. I nodded my head to say hello and he nodded back. The elevator dings and we both went inside. The elevator ride was quick and we both arrived in front of our apartment doors in due time. I mumbled something about him having a good night and I heard a muffled ‘you too’ as I closed the door to my apartment. My apartment was too big. I mean yes, it has a nice view of the Han River but it’s too lonely to live in alone, considering that she moved out without even telling me in person. She only left a letter taped to the refrigerator that she wants to breakup and for me not to find her. 

I shiver at the memory. I put my bag and takeout dinner on the kitchen counter and proceeded to clean up some of the boxes. Something in the corner of the room caught my eye. I walked towards it and breathed deeply as I saw her old pajama top hooked on the corner of the bed. I sat down on the duvet and unhooked the piece of cloth. I smile at the memories we shared together and wonder where we got everything wrong. It just seemed so sudden that she left without a goodbye. Now everything’s so quiet and empty and blank.

Rowoon: ”i don’t remember, me without you”

I wait for the elevator doors to open as I felt the heaviness of the plastic bag holding my dinner get heavier as it begins to slip from my fingers. I caught it at the last second as the elevator doors open revealing a hallway of doors. My neighbor walked behind me as I fumbled with my keys. He said something about having a good night and I replied ‘you too’ at him as he closed his door. The apartment was dark when I got inside. 

I almost stepped on bottles strewn on the floor from my previous dinners. Everything is a mess, the kitchen sink with unwashed dishes, the table filled with beer cans and takeout boxes. I staggered towards the bed and sat down as I got a can of beer from the plastic I brought earlier. It opened with a hiss and I took big gulps as I laid down on the bed, not caring if the beer spills on me. I just feel so helpless and tired. My sunshine was gone. Left me for another guy. I chuckle. She said that she wants someone more stable, one that can give her more time than what I was giving her. I laugh at her reasoning. She just wants a richer man. I can’t help it if I work long hours at the office. I was saving up for our wedding. I guess that money’s just gonna go to the alcohol I consume nowadays. 

I sit up and look out the window. The Han River looks so pretty in the night, with the lights reflecting from its surface. I notice a motorcycle speeding along the sidewalk and watched as it caused some paper held by a boy walking along the sidewalk fly away. I smirked at the event, took another swig from the can and layed down with a thump on the bed. I took a deep breath and caused my chest to heave as I stared at the blank, white ceiling of the apartment.

Inseong: blinking bar

The wind moves against my chest as I sped along the sidewalk by the Han River. I had to feel something. I feel so numb right now. I didn’t notice the boy was holding something when I sped past him. I just looked behind as the papers he held flew from the sudden harsh breeze from my bike. I stopped as the boy immediately fell on his knees to gather the papers but some of them were already in the water. I looked at him in pity but turned to start my motorcycle once again and began to speed past the couples walking on the sidewalk. They were giving me glares but I don’t care. Love is a bitter pill and I was forced to swallow it. How could someone so small and innocent break my heart with only five words.

I don’t love you anymore.

Tears sting my eyes as I came to a stop and unmounted my motorcycle. I sat on a nearby bench and held my head on my hands in between my knees. I gripped my hair in anger and wonder where I went wrong. I love her so much that it hurts to breathe. I see her face everywhere I go. How could she leave me like this. I open my SNS accounts to check up on her but what greeted me as I open our messages was a blank screen. She had deleted me from her conversations, she deleted me from her life as well.

Hwiyoung:”scent that remains is sweet”

I gather up the letters she sent me from months before and close my eyes in delight as I smelled the sweet smell that came with those papers. I start to open one to reminisce in the memories when I suddenly heard muffled shouts from the apartment next door. I glared at the wall and stood up to get my wallet and keys. I gathered the papers once more and decided to go down by the Han River to let her go once and for all. 

Muffled screams and shouts were still heard throughout the apartment complex floor as I rode the elevator down to the main entrance. I walked slowly and tried to collect my thoughts when a motorcycle sped past me causing her letters to fly away. I immediately got down to pick them up but some of them flew farther from me and landed on the water. I sighed in disbelief and looked for the motorcycle that is now speeding away. I leaned on the railings beside the river and stared at the papers on the surface get wet. I sighed and let go of all of the letters I had in my hands and watched as they tumbled onto the river, never to be read again. 

Her letters were the only thing that got me by in the city. I left my little hometown to study but I still continued exchanging letters with her even if the only communication we have are letters. She doesn’t have a phone and she can’t visit me either. Her frail, weak body stops her from visiting me here in the city. I was so excited to visit her because of the winter vacation when I received a letter from her,weeks ago, telling me not to go home. I got confused and sent her a letter immediately. When she didn’t respond, I felt that there was something wrong. I focused on my studied in the last week of school when I received a different letter. I’m used to receiving girly, fragrant stationaries but this letter was inside a white envelope and was written by her mother. She...

She passed away, succumbed to her disease. She was keeping her illness a secret from me and clueless me just thought that she was too frail and weak. I stared at the letter in shock and cried for days. I still remember her sign-off from her previous letter.

Remember that I will always love you. Keep in mind that a blank piece of paper will always symbolize a new beginning. I love you so much, Youngkyun. Goodbye.

Youngbin:”regrets... excuses... complaints”

“I don’t know what your problem is! You always complain about this and that and I don’t know what to do!” Youngbin shouted. He couldn’t help but raise his voice towards his girlfriend as they argued for the fifth time today. Their scream-off matches always end up with Youngbin sitting on the bed and her standing behind the kitchen counter as they held their breaths, exhausted from screaming at each other.

“That’s the problem, Youngbin! You always don’t know what’s going on! You always pretend that things are okay when they’re not!” she shouted back.

“Problem, problem, problem! There’s always a problem with you. Everything’s a problem. We couldn’t even order food without running into a problem.” Youngbin retorted.

“You know what, I can’t deal with you right now. Maybe it’s better if we just break up.” she replied.

“Then maybe we should!” Youngbin spat out immediately. She stopped and looked at Youngbin, surprised at his words. She ran towards the door and slammed it shut. Youngbin stood up to chase her but when he opened the door again, the elevator door just closed. He slammed his door shut and slid his back down against the door. He massaged his forehead. He couldn’t even remember what they were fighting about. Will it just end like this? He just realized that his words were just blank and empty, constructed to negate what she was arguing about. How could it end like this.

Zuho:”end of the night starts and ends with you”

The scream-off match next door ended with two door slams. I chuckle as I remember how she and I argued like that before we broke up. I stood up from my table, wiped my eyes as I got dizzy from writing down lyrics on a piece of paper. I walked to the refrigerator to get a drink of water and stared at the picture magnetized on the refrigerator. It was a Polaroid of me, wrapping her in my arms for a back hug as she looked up at me smiling. Those were happy days. I chuckle and returned to my seat. I stared at the piece of paper in front of me and stared at the words I wrote down. After realizing that they won’t work together, I pulled out a fresh piece of blank paper from my paper stack. A new beginning indeed.

Chani: “now the spot you were in is just empty”

“Thank you for coming!” I shouted as the last customer exited the cafe. We still have two hours left until we close. I proceeded to wipe the mugs I just watched earlier as the cafe doors open.

“Welcome!” I shouted at the customer, not looking to know who it was. I look from behind a counter and saw the same set of uniform I was wearing earlier. I got my notebook and pen out and neared the customer and realized that it was Dawon. He looked so tired and roughed up. I cleared my throat as I stopped beside him.

“Dawon, nice to see you here, what’s your order?” I asked him.

“Chani? You work here now?” Dawon asked in confusion. I nodded yes and he told me to that he wants a latte. I wrote it down and thanked him. I barely got to the counter when three people came inside the cafe. It was Taeyang, followed by two teachers of ours, the one who teaches economics and the one who always wears that hideous brown sweater. They all seemed to be tired as well. I took their orders, two americanos and a caramel latte for Taeyang and watched as the three of them sat with each other, talking about something in hushed voices. Our economics teacher, I think his name is Jaeyoon, rubbed circles on the back of the other teacher, comforting him and Taeyang is hunched over the table, talking to the teacher in front of him, I think his name is Youngbin, trying to cheer him up. I swear Taeyang is such a teacher’s pet.

I went behind the counter and started to make their drinks. I put all of them on a tray and balanced it as I gave Dawon, Taeyang, Youngbin and Jaeyoon their drinks. The door opened again and in staggered this tall boy who stank of alcohol. I caught him before he fell and sat him down on a nearby chair.

“Coffee please, black with two packets of sugar.” he slurred. I guess he’s here to sober up. I nodded at ran to the counter to make his coffee. I didn’t want to stink of alcohol too. When I served his coffee, he smelled it, took a slurp and smiled at me to thank me. He looked normal after a few gulps of coffee. I went back behind the counter to arrange some of the pastries inside the display refrigerator. The door opened to reveal two of my frequent customers. They always come here together, they’re brothers, after all.

“Zuho, Hwiyoung!” I greeted. “ I guess you want the usual?” I asked them. Zuho nodded as they both sat down on a table opposite to Dawon. Hwiyoung looked like he had been crying. Is there something wrong? The door’s bell rang again, causing me to shake from my daze and in comes a man in a jacket, helmet on one hand.

“Is it safe if I park my motorcycle outside?” he asked. I nodded yes.

“Okay, a latte please, and a piece of your strawberry cheesecake.” I confirmed his order and began working on it, along with the previous ones, americano for Zuho, hot chocolate for Hwiyoung and a latte for the motorcycle guy. I cut three slices of cheesecake and put it on different plates, one for Helmetman, and another for Hwiyoung because he always orders this with his hot chocolate. I cut one out for Dawon too because I rememeber that he like strawberries. I proceeded to distribute the orders to Helmetman and Zuho and Hwiyoung. Dawon sat up when I put down the plate of cheesecake on his table.

“I didn’t order this.” he said waving his hands to refuse.

“It’s on the house.” I said. He smiled a small smile and thanked me for the cake.

I went behind the counter to clean up my previous mess and observed my customers from the counter. They all look so sad and tired, like they’re hurting. I feel sad for them, their faces look blank. I guess that’s what a broken heart does to you.

Originally posted on SF9 Amino as dawonizer

[chetpancakes]

Writing again

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

Ernest Hemingway

The last thing I was expecting when I woke up this morning was to have an epiphany driving to work. I’m not talking about one of those, near death nor seeing something beautiful and suddenly finding God type of things. But it was an epiphany nonetheless.

I started my morning off like I do any morning with a shower and music to get ready for work. I just got a puppy and he is the best thing ever, and I let him out this morning. I was warned not to treat an animal as family but, fuck, he’s amazing and my precious angel.

Anyway, I had very specific task on my drive to work today, make a very specific and meaningful playlist. The reason this was a specific and meaningful playlist was because it was an assigned task. My therapist wants me to make him a playlist for my next session. Talk about an effective way to psychoanalyze someone, especially me. I am the crowned head of over analyzing lyrics and music. Just ask A. I think it is one of the main reasons that she quit on me.

The first song I could think of:

He had a hungry hollow holler. He was hell in seventh gear. He was slowing down for no one. It had always been his year.

Confidence was never sweeter, Just as sweet as it could get. But his earning every penny, His heart harbors heavy debt.

And I say “I can’t keep up anymore. I can’t keep up.”

We’re all dying; he’ll die younger While he’s still a pretty man. Cause there’s nothing after thirty. That has always been his plan.

When your heroes fell in glory, And you’re tracing every move. Well, you gotta have that story Like you didn’t even choose.

And I say “I can’t keep up.” But you think that I was wrong. Were my words misunderstood?

I can’t keep up anymore. I can’t keep up.

If you knew me you would that I keep switching in and out of present tense and lose my train of thought and like Ibiza Washington Blankets and also like to change the subject. A lot of it had to do with my partiality to self-destruction and wanting to die. I normally wouldn’t be that blunt but in getting better I’ve realized I need to accept my situation as well as start writing things down.

My mind works at as fast as the electrons in my brain will let them; which science tells us is around 250 miles per hour. Which to be honest, is fucking shit for brains and never fast enough, especially when the past you remember is shit from 5 years ago.

And it just. never. stops. The memories. My therapist tells me that if I start writing down my thoughts that keep me up/drive me crazy then maybe things will slow down a bit and I think they have. Keeping an anxiety and depression journal is a bit embarrassing but I think it could be good for me.

There’s an old cliché about hearing something but not listening. I never planned on living to be an old man. Hemingway shot himself in the face with a shotgun, John Kennedy Toole breathed his car exhaust from a hose into his cabin, Hunter S. Thompson shot himself in the head, Kerouac drank himself to death, Salinger should have died but he was too in love with himself to go through with it. I’m partly to blame because I can get intense and overbearing in a flash and usually end up leaving people feel like shit. Just ask A or my brother or my therapist.

Flash forward through that shit… The epiphany happened, as I was listening and thinking of what other songs I want to make for my assigned mix tape. I saw an absolutely brutal accident up ahead on the road. I live in a rural area and you can see for miles. The reason I knew it was brutal because there were about a dozen cop cars, 4 ambulances, and 4 fire trucks in the distance and when there is an accident on the rural highways they are always absolutely terrible in every sense of the word. I wish “terrible” was a word that hadn’t lost its meaning through overuse. This accident was “extremely bad, exciting extreme alarm or intense fear”; terrible.

I couldn’t bring myself to drive near it so I took a long detour around and then this sudden realization fucking floored me. I used to keep giving myself reasons to not be here, to not be present. This morning I realized that for the first time in quite a while that I didn’t want to be in that accident.

***

This isn’t a sad story, I promise. And I also promise I’ll keep past and present tense consistent from here on out.

***

He woke up to a brilliant sunshine. Sistine Chapel on a gloriously sunny Sunday sunshine. Also, happened to be a Sunday. And the apartment just happened to be a brilliant white with white blinds and sheets. According to the note on the nightstand she was…

hope you feel better in the morning, I love you went for a run, :)

He remembered being woken up way too fucking early for a bit and turned over back to sleep…

At work, drink water Love you, stop this for real, it’s too much

This wouldn’t have really affected him too much but it was dark now. In the upper Midwest things and people get dark at 5:00 pm. It was just another lost weekend that really didn’t matter anyway. There would always the boys out next weekend. And that was the best part, work all week for the weekend, go down to Gatsby’s and drink all weekend and talk about work and Obama and Trump and just pretty much figure out life. There’s always so much wisdom with a beer in your hand. The type of beer that regardless of brand, only certain people get. May not be coworkers, but all came from the same place, all worked a long week and been a good person all week. The beer is fucking cold and life is good. ***

“It’s too much” We don't do the same drugs anymore. "The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion." My act of rebellion is loving her. This is supposed to be about loss and missed loves. It's just gonna be about my life. I'm from the middle of nowhere and my life doesn't mean shit. Except my life does mean shit when you make it mean something. When you're in the middle of nowhere family means something. You go actually see each other. In real life. And play bean bags. And meet new families. You concentrate so so so much on your release point and try to get your bag into the hole. You just concentrate so much on the game to try to impress the drop dead country girl's family. We don't do the same drugs no more. ---- I remembered her saying goodnight and goodbye. Hardly registering the difference. Not that it mattered. When you're on a right and true bender it doesn't matter. I feel like I need to preface a true and real Wisconsin bender. When you go to a middle of nowhere bar there's always someone there. The Springsteen Glory Days asshole and the true poet and true drunk. There was only one fucking asshole at the bar so I left.