#Quite big Alex Horne

[fofi42]

Time for April foo... tball [x]

[ohdoyoucomeonthen]

A partial transcript of Greg and Alex being perfectly normal about each other:

We’re just more comfortable, I suppose, next to each other and in front of those people.

And we- and we know each other. We’ve holidayed, Brittany, and I think that- that changes everything.

Oh, and it was a big holiday.

When two men holiday- Mm. -that’s when, that’s when chemistry is formed.

So what’s the biggest thing either do you have learned about each other, then, through that process? Has there been anything that’s really surprised you?

I’ve learned that Greg operates horizontally for 23 hours of the day.

[wheezing laugh] That- that is true. I mean, it’s not relevant to the show.

Oh oh, to the show? No.

Not allowed to lie down on the show. I’ll tell you what I’ve learned about Alex, and I’ve mentioned it in a couple of interviews because I am intrigued by it, and it took me a few years to realise it. And it is that Alex is- will never say no if you challenge him to do something. And I don’t mean on camera, I mean, you know, at any event you can tell Alex to do something on a dare, and he’ll do it. And I find it endlessly endearing. And I think you know he comes across as an officious nerd, but- H-hello. -beneath that, he’s actually- he’s actually quite a lot of fun, Alex.

[honking laugh] yes. And I’ve learned that Greg is- will come with me on these escapades, and is also fun. But also, and this- he won’t necessarily like me saying this, but he is very funny uh, and, uh- [laugh] I will like you saying that. Well I think that Greg’s got like in the studio, you don’t really like it when people aren’t laughing and this is very useful quality as a comedy TV host.

I don’t- I don’t like it, and it’s a sort of sad cliche of comedians, really, we don’t- we can’t stand silence and a lack of merriment. And so I think the studio records of Taskmaster- I hope if you asked, most people who have been there in the audience would say that they get more than just the show, they get more than just what you- what you see, the edited final show. I think it’s genuinely quite chaotic and immersive in the studio. And I love that.

-

This interviewer takes a bit to warm up, but Greg and Alex are obviously both excellent at putting people at ease- Alex is always so endearingly earnest and I felt like Greg’s determination to make her laugh was palpable. They really both seem so kind and their chemistry was on point.

Also in the podcast: Greg claiming Alex’s currently barking dog doesn’t exist, them being very sweet and appreciative of their fans, Greg and Alex’s M-rated (for very different reasons) Taskmaster spinoff ideas, discussion of their #1 pick for contestant who has been rudely ignoring their calls, what the show has caused them to learn about themselves, and my favourite- Greg turning on his teacher voice at the interviewer at the end.

I am honestly considering putting “I’m not interested in logistics” and “Listen. Don’t make excuses, just deliver” in a button to press when my executive is not functioning. That feels like it would be quite motivating.

[panelshowsource]

hey frends!

just a lil update to say that i'll be moving soon, so over the next 2–3 weeks i'll be quite busy and won't be able to post a lot a lot (not that i usually post that much but i do try!)

now that many panel shows are wrapping up their seasons, it's not too much to keep up with the masterpost or anything, so i'll definitely keep that chugging, but gifs might be a little slow :') i have a few requests i'll work on, and it's fine to send those in; plus, i said i'd be making BIG gifsets for the recent taskmaster contestants and i'm definitely working on those! i wanna do a good job so taking my time :)

wanna remind everyone about some of the newer additions to the googledrive!

ed gamble — glutton (audiobook) (i'll be listening to this today while i'm packing! if anyone else listened pls lmk what you think!! i'm also wrapping up david's book and gonna post my thoughts soon hehe)

added the most recent alex horne/tim key celebrity pointless to the alex horne collection folder

a couple seasons of duck quacks don't echo upgraded to 1080p

bbc radio 4's hard to tell from 2011, with jonny sweet, charlotte ritchie, katy wix, etc.

complete british as folk, with fern brady, ivo graham, and darren harriott (any other homo reading this grow up absolutely and painfully obsessed with queer as folk? either version? oh man... this programme gets a 10/10 for the name alone, iconic)

live at the moth club

lots of fun new episode of growing pains, hignfy, taskmaster, outsiders :)

as well, there are a couple of new podcasts out: russell howard's wonderbox and james acaster's springleaf :)

i have a bunch of asks and i'll post them later! you guys are being so cute about taskmaster it's been so fun

hope everyone is having a great weekend!

btw... please don't feel obligated to anon me rude messages... i'm a little stressed with everything going on in Life, so maybe save those for the new year? i'll try to come up w witty retorts after i've had some sleep

it's funny, i've been hearing a lot about blog competition and fighting for notes and monopolising panel show content blah blah in my inbox recently. (i only included one here but there's genuinely been quite a few just in the last couple of weeks.) i don't know what might be going on on other blogs or discords or whatever, and i honestly didn't even know these were still convos people are having; i kinda thought we all agreed that this site isn't as big as it used to be, notes aren't as plentiful as they used to be, but by golly we'll just keep on posting anyways. i don't know if there are edit tags for any panel shows but i don't use them; i just post content here for my current followers and if you guys like it then that's all i wanted to do. i don't care if there are other panel show blogs with more followers or posts that get more notes or better gifs or better blogs or whatever. it's all fine. i don't care. i don't think about it. so you don't have to ask me that stuff — how to grow your blog or get more followers or more engagement, or how i feel about other blogs that post the same content as i do — i won't answer it. just post it because you want to; don't race to be the first one to get stuff at (especially at the expense of making content you're proud of!); don't put other people down; don't send anonymous hate. just be cool and worry about you. if you can't have fun here without validation in the notes then you're gonna be miserable. flopping is integral to being active.

[sashiavi]

Just wanted to say whenever I'm reading your hybrid bachelors posts I can't help but read with a completely normal human reader in mind and it's kinda funny bcs I imagine that only Stardew Valley has hybrid people so the reader didn't know about the existence of hybrids before moving there and is just this big supernatural revelation to her that she just has to deal with now.

Not only that but she also somehow started dating one of the hybrids (idk who would be more surprised here, she that is dating an hybrid person or the bachelor who somehow got a human for a mate) and doesn't know shit about them so when her lover is talking about common stuff about hybrids like it's basic knowledge she is just like "yes honey I totally knew that and didn't just learn about it right now😎"

And OMG when she first hears about ruts and is just like "what...😃" mildly stunned, possibly turned on, perhaps intrigued. Girly is going through emotions and is definetly enjoying them. Her being curious and getting used to the hybrid bits of their body, ears, tails, etc. Getting used to their stamina and libido too bcs omg..

The uncertainty if she can have his kids or not, and if yes would they be hybrids or fully humans? Would there be any complications? Can you imagine how much more protective they would get over their human lover😮‍💨

Also exploring a bit the angst, imagine her being insecure/anxious about not being a good mate since she is a human and doesn't know what the fuck she is doing, so she goes to the bachelorettes for advice on how to be a good mate and tries to act on their advice. And when he notices it he just reassures her that she doesn't need to pretend like that with him bcs he chose her as a human<3

Sorry for rambling too much I just couldn't help it😣

Ahh! Never apologize for rambling! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thoughts ♡♡

Gosh I got carried away- maybe I ought to write up some headcannons sometime... tysm for talking to me :3

Yes to all of this oh my goodness.. Truthfully I haven't properly sat down and thought of the SDV Hybrid world~ I totally agree with all of this!

I usually write with either a Human or some ambiguous Hybrid reader in mind (as open ended as I can be haha)

I can imagine in the big city like Zuzu there's a bit of a mix and mingle of Hybrids and Humans alike, maybe even Humans outweighing the population by a lot but Hybrids do definitely exist somewhere within the world. I also feel like there could be some semi-recent political issues about Hybrids and their place in society... and maybe a lack of education surrounding them - Heat/Rut cycles and such.

Pelican Town is a very Hybrid-Dense area in the Valley, I can imagine the townsfolk being a little weary initially with the new Human Farmer move-in.

I can imagine some shocks~

Cat!Sebastian has quite a rough tongue..

Puppy!Sam shows his emotions through his ears and tail.

Goat!Harvey has a nervous warbling "bahh" and sometimes gets the urge to headbutt things.

Or the fact that many seem to have a very keen sense of smell is something you have to get used to.

One thing for sure is they're all fiercely protective and doting if you're with child. I think there would be a 50/50 chance of inheriting Hybrid!Features.

I usually imagine them to have human bodies with added ears, tails, horns etc and maybe a change with their cocks hehe.. especially if they're a Wolf or Puppy- Knot! Knot! Knot!

Regardless- Doting, nesting, protecting, guarding- gosh all of it!

Even if it may be a little unconventional to you.. Cat!Seb or Bear!Shane licking you as a form of comfort- maybe a little weird at first but maybe you grow to like it.

Puppy!Sam or Bunny!Elliott making a comfy nest of blankets and pillows for you to snuggle up in- nice, safe, quiet and cozy for you.

Goat!Harvey and Bull!Alex always on top of feeding you, keeping you happy and nourished. Maybe even gently, playfully nudging a little headbutt into your belly while your baby kicks you.

Head full... rotted...

[alexhornefan]

ALEX HORNE & GREG DAVIES - extended version- THEY LIKE TO WATCH podcast P.2

I reached the character limit so had to make a new post! Here's part two.

Asked about pets, Alex said they had the snail, chickens and a tortoise, but they'd all gone and now they have a dog.

Greg talks about how disappointing the Taskmaster house is to visit. Alex says there have been three proposals there and two of them they invited them in to propose. Alex discourages people from turning up to the house though. Greg suggests fans try and find out where himself or Alex lives and stalk them instead. They talk about taking selfies with fans and Greg says they're both quite tolerant with it all. Greg says having had a real job he doesn't forget how lucky he is with his career. Alex asks Greg asks about people who use a timer with a countdown from 5 which he finds very irritating.

Greg tells a story about he and Ed Gamble going to a bar in Norwich and it was a student night and because of The Inbetweeners they were swamped with people wanting selfies. Greg says the management asked them to stay and they'd buy their drinks all night, so they did. Greg said Ed hadn't done much TV then so he was taking the pictures and was deliberatly cutting Greg's head out of the pictures and people would be thrilled but then end up joning the queue again for another picture because of Ed.

Alex talks about acting and says that he thinks he's really good and even Greg says he's really good. Greg interrupts and says Alex is being self-effacing and that he does think he can act. Greg said he was surrised and that Alex could do a role quite nicely. Alex said he does have the fantasy of being asked to be in Snatch 2 and being asked to play a cool, hard-guy. Greg says he doesn't know if he sees that and Alex insists that he can. Asked if he likes the idea of not having to do much work in an acting role, with someone else doing all the writing, Alex says he does like that. He said he has a small part in a Sam Campbell pilot and because someone dropped out, he did the part. He does go on to say that he found the waiting boring with acting. Alex said he got the role mostly because they were filming in the town where he lived.

Greg talks about choosing friends who won't be bothered about his height and make a big deal about it. He tells the story of the short guy in a pub wanting to fight him, and Greg's even shorter mate hitting the guy over the head with a moped helmet.

Greg talks about the Kes documentary he made. He talks about watching or reading bleak things and that he can't handle it any more. He says he is too sensitive now. Alex says he can still watch bleak things and says he watched Tyrannosaur and it's very bleak but he really liked it. Greg says the last bleak thing he watched was Dead Man's Shoes.

Alex says Stephen Graham was very close to doing TM as he really likes it, but the filming schedules didn't work. Alex says about what a great actor Stephen is and that he came over to Greg and Alex at an event and Alex said how lovely and giggly he was to meet.

Alex talks about the sport he watches and watching Strictly Come Dancing. Asked if they'd ever do it, Alex said they were asked the other day by Shirley Ballas. Greg says you should never so no, and it's an amazing institution and Greg would prefer to watch than take part. Alex says Greg would be the best booking on strictly. Greg states that Alex is a very stiff person and Ales agrees and says there are times when he does loosen up, but being on BBC on Saturday nights wouldn't help. Greg looks like he's riding ontop of a hoverboard.

Greg says he doesn't watch comedy when he's writing as he's a sponge and will start to copy the style. He says he watches documentaries and he's recently been watching Last stop Larrimahr and Riders for Justice.

They talk about crying watching things and Greg says he doesn;t cry much. Alex asks if he feels it coming on and stops himself, but Greg says no, and he will cry as he thinks it's good to cry. He talks about going to a concert and getting their late with a GF and a song started and he started crying but noticed that not only was his GF crying, everyone else was as well.

Greg asks Alex if he can remember the last time he had an actual cry and he says no. He said the new John Lewis Christmas ad made him feel like he could cry if he let himself.

Asked about Taskmaster and how shows can be messed up, Alex is asked about how he had a brilliant idea and how every step along the way, Alex made it wonderful. Alex says Andy D is responsible for the look of the show. Alex said that they asked Greg and Frank at the same time and told both of them that the other one was doing the show to help convince them. Greg says he knew Alex a little bit and that their personality types worked well together. Alex puts it down to a lot of luck. Greg says it wasn't that weird because they did no each other at the start because of being in comedy.

They have a brief chat about the opening credits with beards, Alex having a beard since he got married.

[bwoahtastic]

Lil mousey nicky is my everything 😭. Can you imagine what it would be like for nico and toto to drop him off at school for his first day? Everybody would be in tears. Seb has already skipped off to his class because he doesn't need momma and papa to hold his hand he's a big boy now! but nico and toto are so emotional about nicky going to school. They know that it will be good for him because mousey is so clever and deserves the chance to make friends, but it's still really difficult for them. They've already had meetings with the principal and nicky's teacher so that everyone knows about his background and can help him properly if he needs it, and he's even going to be in the same class as teddy alex so it's not like he'll be alone. But it still feels a bit like they're abandoning him, and nico and toto hate that because they know that's what nicky's most afraid of, that momma and papa will abandon him and he'll be on his own again, and they never, ever want their precious pinkie to feel like that.

They walk nicky to his classroom and greet his teacher and get nicky settled at his desk, and nico tries to tell mousey that he's going to have so much fun and learn so much, but he's almost in tears as he does so, which of course, only makes it harder. Nicky's teacher persuades them to go, even though both nico and nicky are almost crying. Toto has to guide nico to the car because he can't see for all of the unshed tears pooling in his eyes, but as soon as the car door shuts, he's fully crying. And if toto sheds a few tears as he tries to comfort nico, well, no one has to know. Nico wants them to wait just outside the school in case nicky needs them, but toto says that they have to give him some space, and then proceeds to drive exactly two streets away because he's not going to be the lunatic parent waiting just outside the gate, but he does agree with nico that they should be close in case nicky needs them

Oh plss!

Nicky being quite excited but super nervous too! Teddy Alex will be there and he met his teacher already but he will miss momma abd papa so so much and Sebby too!

Nico being so anxious too and he doesn't want his baby to go! He kissed Seb's head, as dows Toto before the cub zooms off to play with Dan and Britta but Nicky whimpers and clings to momma's leg🥺 they head inside and Nicky clings even closer because he can sense papa and momma are nervous too! The teacher is nice and he gets to sit next to Teddy Alex who holds his hand and babbles about how he got grapes as treat for in the break and he loves grapes!

Nicky making momma and papa pinky swear they will come get him! And Nico just shakily makes Nicky pinky promise to have the best day ever! And pls Toto having to hold Nico as they leave cos Nico is just so shaky and in tears!

Nico bawling his eyes out in the car and Toto holds him and quietly cries too cos thats their baby mousy! They totally stay two streets away in the car and snuggle in the back sear with snacks Toto brought and for a bit Nico even sleeps snuggled into him, too tired after crying.

Finally they get to pick mousy and seb up and Nico and Toto hold their boys so tight! They are very relieved Nicky had a good day and babbles happily about arts and crafts and numbers! And lil teddy Alex toddling after them because Nicky forgot the drawing he made of the family!

(Also th3 teacher being sweet omega Tonio? Like all soft spoken in pretty skirts and dresses and his lil cow ears and horns😭 HD is super good with Nicky and knows when to call the family, and totally ends up eith Kimi<3)

[wylldebee]

Dragon!Havenfall MC AU Ideas

Just random ideas I have for this AU I made. — Poly route with Havenfall's Finest + Vanessa and Antonio. Cue JD making jokes about them being MC's hoard/real treasures. Vanessa NO this isn't like a harem anime JD Antonio stop encouraging her. — Grace is kidnapped and that sparks the awakening of HF!MC's dragon blood, because dragons are very Clan oriented and god help you if you fuck with a dragon's Clan. — That being said, nobody actually knows what MC is because the magic has only just started awakening. She experiences on-and-off heightened senses, and only in moments of intense emotion does she experience claws, slitted pupils, fangs, and the occasional spark of magic.

— Dragons haven't been seen nor heard from in a long, long, long time. It's got to the point that the supernatural world believes they've gone extinct. So when it's revealed MC is a dragon, it's a very big shock. — Turns out dragons have the ability to take a human form, and have taken plenty of human lovers over the years. And maybe a god or two. Probably. Cue Alex realising just why one of their siblings keeps smirking when asked why they called their jewellery store The Treasure Hoard when they (Alex) visits Havenfall. — There's a cult of Dragon Hunters who hunt down dragons for their blood, bone, scales, and organs for their rituals, and to also sell them as they're the most sought-after alchemy/potion ingredients. — MC would be partially awakened, meaning she'll only have access to some of her dragon traits. Come a showdown with the hunters who kidnapped her sister, she finally awakens it fully. I'm talking shimmering scales covering parts of her body, and slitted pupils and sharp fangs and claws, sweeping horns and even wings, and is able to tap into magic that's been lying dormant in her veins for years. — Afterwards MC needs a special magical necklace to help suppress her dragon traits until she gets control over it. However, dragon magic is quite strong so occasionally MC will have a trait if she's stressed enough. — It's only just the beginning, however. The cult has finally found a dragon at long last, and they're not about to give up on getting their hands on MC for their most important ritual yet...

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I'm still listening to the John Robins + Elis James radio show, going through the episodes at what I think is a pretty significant rate. I'm still in June 2017, though, because they keep taking over the drive time slots and every time they do there are five bonus episodes, so I'm on episode 173 but if you include the bonus ones I think it's more like 220 by now. It's always fun but it does mean I know a lot about what those guys were doing throughout the first half of 2017, as there were quite a few instances within a few months where we'd get them broadcasting six nights a week. Well, John Robins broadcasting six days a week. Elis occasionally takes time off because he has to film TV shows and have a family. Mild, manageable, amusing but not double-act-breaking, played-up-for-comedy-but-not-in-a-genuinely-concerning-way tension ensues. Just the right level. Also there isn't any real concern about whether it'll become too big a problem that Elis James bigger than John Robins by too much, because I know John Robins is about to win the biggest award in stand-up comedy. I'm really looking forward to hearing the episodes from/just after that Edinburgh Festival.

Anyway, I slowed down on the posting about that radio show because I felt like I went too hard on that in the first month of this year, leaning quite heavily on it while trying to quit drinking and probably oversharing in posts about that, I figured I'd try to keep a bit more of that to myself. I mean, it's very much still happening. I'm just trying not to update the internet constantly, and posting about that radio show got so tied to that that I decided to try to reign that in in general.

However! I'm pleased to say I have an observation about the show that does not involve anything that can relate to my personal life! And I think people should know about it. Throughout 2017, I have just found my fourth instance of making this connection: John Robins will use the expression "your friend and mine" (to describe an inanimate object or intangible concept or something), I will immediately think "have you been hanging out with the No More Jockeys guys?", and then in the same episode he will tell a story from the last few days about hanging out with Alex Horne and/or Tim Key. He does not use that expression in his regular vocabulary; the only four times I've ever heard him use it, he ended up then telling a story of hanging out with those guys.

That thing where I watch No More Jockeys and then catch their phrases seeping into my speech patterns (the most common for me by far is "I think it's a case of..." - I'll catch myself saying that at work a lot): it's not just for civilians! I'm pleased to report that the comedians are also influencing each other.

[mirmi]

To further down the agenda. Because I never see it mentioned anywhere, and it's gonna bug me if I don't get it off my chest.

Also, I've been reading British Comedy RPF since school instead of Harry Potter and Twilight, it's too late for me now.

As far as I'm aware, Alex brought up actual fan fiction titles at least three times now.

Side note: I've spent quite a long time lurking on AO3 before diving into Alex's, erm, rec list — and the standard dynamic is pretty much set. It's the "canonical" one, of course, so I'm not complaining. Just worth mentioning that I was specifically looking for somewhat more realistic fics without the "subservient" dynamic — and, personally, finding them was a challenge in itself.

And then there's Alex's picks.

The Horne Section Podcast

Feast

Couldn't find it on AO3, but the podcast is from 09/2019.

Premise: Greg's sucking him off.

Taskmaster – 15x03 – I Love To Squander Promise

I wanna ruin our friendship (09/2022 – 10/2022)

Tags: "top!Alex".

Premise:

Filthy little ferret (09/2022)

Premise: Alex, the one with the agenda, manipulates Greg into sucking his fingers.

Tenderness (06/2022)

12K+ words, 6 chapters.

A great "same level" banter-y dynamic, Alex being the big spoon in Chapter 2, and being the top in Chapter 3 (with no indication of this in the tags, I must say).

And it's by the same author as the previous one. 7 fics below in their list of works.

Master of the Tasks (09/2022)

The only outlier, being a Doctor Who crossover.

Taskmaster | Champion of Champions 3 - Outtakes

A big boy like you (09/2023)

Tags: Top!Alex Horne, Brat!Alex Horne.

...I'm not saying that it couldn't just all be a coincidence. But I feel like there's a theme 😁

[mageless]

Typed out for @a4chocolate: a set of vague rules for a taskmaster drinking game. There are a few fun things you can pop in yourself that I've left out for the sake of my liver, such as "drink whenever Alex breaks character."

Taskmaster Drinking Game

Whole Lotta Pie…

Drink every time a contestant or member of the show says a key catchphrase! Examples include the classic Bosh, the Acaster BeBe, or the eternal and annoying “All the information is on the task.” Hell, drink twice for that one.

Another catchphrase is that of “your time starts now”, and if a contestant tries in any way to avoid saying it, then you should drink twice for that too.

Hello, James

As well as catchphrases, drink whenever a contestant carries out their own repeated bit in a task, such as when James Acaster refused to say hello to Alex at the start tasks, or when Joe Lycett stole items at the end of them.  

No, Just You!

Drink every time a contestant is burdened with a pointless and humiliating individual task.

Cheater

Drink every time a contestant cheats and is accordingly punished for it. I’m looking at you, Tim.

Big Spender

Not necessarily cheating, but certainly not good sportsmanship. Drink every time a contestant tries to buy their way around a task. Sorry, Al.

Thematic Items!

Ducks, Potatoes and Swedes oh my! Drink every time a thematic item is used in the course of the show. Examples include Ducks, potatoes, pineapples, Swedes (Hi, Fred), eggs, balloons, and coconuts, but different seasons may have their own season specific themes to look out for.

Powerful Homoeroticism, I really enjoyed it

Drink for whenever there’s a lovely bit of flirting sprinkled into the show, or for whenever Alex and Greg do whatever it is they do. I’ll leave it to you and whoever you’re drinking with to argue over what counts and what doesn’t.

This rule was originally made with Greg and Alex in mind, but was gradually expanded to cover any flirting within the show, mostly out of a deep love for Sally Phillips and everything she does.

Little Alex Horne

Drink for whenever anybody insults Alex, or implies him to be shorter than he is (difficult, considering he’s only 5’4 ☹).

Lore Update

Drink for any updates to the Taskmaster Lore TM. Mostly just for whenever Alex spouts the most insane shit known to man out of nowhere.

On Brand

Drink Whenever Alex gets undressed or is humiliated for the sake of the show. I’d say down your drink if you see his arse, but season 7 would be a nightmare.

Genuine Rage

Drink whenever a contestant gets quite genuinely angry, or whenever two or more contestants get into a genuine fight or argument.

A toast

Finally, down your drink for the winner of an episode. They deserve it, what with all they’ve been through and all.

Crossover Rule: Big If

Down your drink if Alex makes a no more jockey’s catchphrase on the show. This might happen more than I remember it though in which case just drink.

Crossover Rule: The Horne Section

Drink whenever the Horne section is mentioned on the show. If members of the band appear on the show, drink once for each member.

NSFW Rule: The Writers Barely Disguised Fetish

If you’re drinking with the kinds of friends amenable to it, then this is a fun rule. Whenever anything kinky happens in the show, a player can shout out the exact kink responsible, and everyone else has to drink.

[feverinfeveroutfic]

the skeleton key | chapter seven: a caress of silver

”men wish to feel desired, women wish to feel in control”

-something i read learning about sexual needs (because i’m clueless otherwise) and something i wish this new generation of fic writers would understand already

It was one of those mornings in L.A. where the fog had rolled in and I was more than eager to head on out to the airport. I had to figure a way to go and meet the other guys again like what Marcy had told me, but for the time being, I was on my way to the Pacific Northwest. It had been quite some time since I had been up there, only ten years before.

Ten years. Ten years since I was last in Seattle.

It proved to be a homecoming for me the more I thought about it, and more so when I reached the airport and checked myself in for the first flight up the spine of the West Coast. I was going up there alone, and at some point, I was going to have to find my way back down to Sacramento to meet up with Marcy and Eric. And I was going to have to go back to work as well.

But for the time being, I was on my way up to the Emerald City, and I had my eye out for Alex once I touched down: apparently, his flight from Burbank came in at about an hour before me, which meant it was going to be me and him for a good chunk of the day. I chuckled to myself when I thought about seeing him from the plane window, that little plume of gray from the view into the airport. But I never did, until I reached the inside of the airport instead. He greeted me with those little buck teeth and his arms wide open for me.

“Hey, stranger!” I declared, and I held him close to me for a good long minute. It felt so wrong, but it felt so right at the same time. I then held back and gazed into his face, and I thought about giving him a kiss on those cherry lips. But then he beat me to the punchline and gave me a kiss, and he held me close again.

“Warm just like a bakery,” he remarked.

“I try my best,” I assured him with a smile.

“Come on... let's go check in and I'll take you to meet the guys,” he told me, and he offered to help me with my things out to the rental car that awaited us. I had my phone with me so I could take plenty of pictures for Marcy, but I was drawn to the big silvery camera dangled against Alex's hip, and more so when we prepared to go through baggage claim.

“Where'd you get that?” I asked him as we waited before the big conveyor belt.

“What, this?” He showed me the camera. “Oh, I've been into photography for a few years now. Randy—you may have seen him at the Metal Allegiance show, Randy Blythe, tall guy with the dreadlocks, the horned glasses, and the tattoos all over his arms, he's one of my best friends in the whole world—saw a picture I took and recommended I do more of that but with a proper photographer's camera. He lent me his and was thoroughly impressed by it, and then I had to give it back to him. It was an expensive camera.” And I chuckled at that.

“So you went ahead and got your own,” I followed along.

“Exactly!” he declared with a little twinkle to his eye. “And it seems to have done me justice, even as just a simple hobby on the side.”

My big blue overnight bag emerged on the conveyor belt, and he scooped it up for me and slung it over his shoulder.

“That's not too heavy?” I asked him as I remembered that I had packed a bunch of baking supplies in there.

“Not at all!” he assured me as we walked side by side. “Guitar cases and accompanying amps can get pretty heavy, but simple luggage is nothing for me.”

“You and your big, strong, lanky arms,” I noted with a glance at his biceps enshrouded under his peacoat, and I couldn't help myself. I reached up and gave him a squeeze on his upper arm.

“Yeah, you gotta be pretty strong to tour with a bunch of stuff like that,” he told me, and we stepped outside of the airport to the graying sky and the incoming rain. It was this gentle mist that fell in sheets, almost like the rain at the beach, and it was chilly enough for us to huddle together there at the walkway for a moment before we caught a break in the cars.

He led me to his rental, a small black hatchback with a rack on the roof even though we were nowhere near a place for skiing. He unlocked it for me and, once he tucked my bag next to his things, he turned to me with a deep, firm kiss on my lips.

“Make love to me,” he begged to me. “Give me what she can't give me.”

“You know I will,” I vowed to him.

“We're in Seattle, my dear,” he told me. “We should have some fun here.”

“Fun in Seattle even while it's pouring rain and drenching us down to our clothes.”

“Fun in Seattle with a cup of coffee and some scones,” he followed up.

“You want some scones?” I couldn't help the smile across my face.

“Yeah! You got any in your bag?” He chuckled at that.

“You wish,” I teased him. “I mean, I wanna make you some scones. Some chocolate ones, or chocolate and cherry like a play on the Black Forest cake.”

“Sounds devilish,” he replied with a slight squint to his eyes. “I like it. I think there is an oven in the room, too.”

“So, I could make some all for you,” I quipped, and I couldn't resist caressing his arms once again. “I brought my flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, vanilla extract, eggs, handheld mixer, measuring spoons and cups, pastry cutter, a couple of spatulas, and a sheet pan with me—I never go too far without them. I never know when I'm going to need them, so... I can definitely do that for you.”

“Oh, would you!” He cocked his head to the side a bit at the sound of that.

“You know it! Just let me get some other things first, like the chocolate and cherries and butter. I'll make sure they're kosher, too.”

He kissed my forehead right as the mist formed into straight rain, which then showered down in sheets over our heads. He then gazed up to the darkening sky, those blue eyes as bright as ever, and to the point I could not stop looking at them. In junction with the rain, they reminded me of the sky afterwards.

“You have the clearest eyes I have ever seen,” I told him, and he glanced down at me. The way his gray streak pointed up to the cold graying sky made me think it had descended from the clouds themselves. “You're like a ghost. The gray ghost.”

“I'm a dog,” he remarked with a straight face. “A wiry gray dog with floppy ears.”

“You mean the Weimareiner?” I asked him.

“Yeah, that's the one,” he replied with a snicker. He then peered up to the sky, such that the raindrops kissed his face and the crown of his head, and then he took a glimpse at his watch.

“It's after noon,” he declared, and he glanced down at me. “We don't check into the room until three, either. You wanna get a drink?”

“I'd love to have a drink,” I said. “A mimosa or something along the lines of brunch like that.”

“I think I spotted a place not too far from the hotel...” He gave me another kiss, and then we climbed into the car, and we drove to the western side of Seattle, complete with a view of the Puget Sound, and as far as I knew, it was ground zero for the grunge scene. When we climbed out, the rain waned back down to a fine mist.

Alex held his hand out for me, and I locked fingers with him. I huddled closer to him, away from the cold winds. I thought about asking him as to when the Metal Allegiance guys were going to meet up again, but I shelved it once we started walking onward to this little restaurant right down the block from our hotel.

He held the door for me, and I stepped inside first. We were greeted by the aroma of things cooking in the back part of that warmly lit place, such that he led me back there. There was a table under a single suspended lamp with a big stained glass shade covered in clusters of grapes and leaves; we huddled next to the window out to the street. Down the block stood the harbor itself.

He was going to be too tipsy to drive, but I let him have his fun with the big glass of beer and me with the mimosa in the champagne flute. I watched him drink that whole glass all the way to the bottom, and that point, his eyes drooped closed and he showed me more of a smile.

“Something tells me you haven't had a drink like this in a long time,” I remarked.

“Had a few too many,” he remarked with a little snicker.

“You certainly did, but I just had one too many,” I quipped; the mimosa was doing a number on me even without a second thought.

“Oh, c'mon, Alison, they always say that,” he hit back.

“'They'?”

“Yeah, you know. 'They.' 'Them.' The ones who always say that they—they—they—they—they—they had one too many.” He stifled a hiccup and showed me a sweet little smile complete with a peek of those little buck teeth. Sweet, but there was something tempting in there, however. He had had a few too many and now he had this look in his eyes as if he wanted to do something unthinkable in the back of that restaurant. It was just us there, after all. I leaned in closer to him with my arms folded over the top of the table before me so he would stay back a bit.

“There's something on your mind right now,” I said to him in a low enough voice for him to hear over the noise of the restaurant around us; he closed his lips so he showed me a little smirk instead. “There is something on your mind right now. We're in Seattle. We've had some drinks and now we're alone under a veil of immense passion courtesy of the sky overhead. You're feeling something.” His eyes hooded a bit, but it was enough to darken them. They went from that soft dream to the realm of a handsome devil at the drop of a hat.

I leaned in closer to the side of his head so my lips were right up next to the rim of his ear, obscured by his hair. He held still; out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him closing his, especially once I nudged the hair back away from his skin.

“Let me find the skeleton key into your heart,” I whispered into his ear, and I lightly kissed him on the side of the face. His shoulders jolted a bit, and I couldn't help but lick my lips and move on back to my spot. Alex opened his eyes again and gazed on at me, good, long, and hard right into my face as if he was trying to read my mind.

He then leaned in closer to me, to which stray tendrils of his frizzy dark hair drifted down over his shoulders: a piece spread over his brow and his eye as if to hide the two of us away from the world. Where I had breathed right into his ear, he brought his face up to mine so the full tip of his nose nearly brushed up against mine.

“I think you just found it,” he whispered back to me, and he locked lips with me. We were in public and yet he moved in slowly and deeply.

“I got my camera with me... and I just got the worst, stupidest idea, too,” he continued.

“I was thinking about that, too,” I said in a near whisper, as I helped him split the bill.

We were within range of Alki Beach, and we couldn't drive back to the hotel as of yet, at least not until the alcohol lightened up in our systems anyway. At that point, the rain had stopped enough to where the clouds broke a bit, and the sun shone down over us. I could stand by the fence that separated us from the rest of the gray waters of the Puget Sound as if I was posing for a glamour magazine. I leaned against the cables on the backs of my hands, right as the sun emerged from behind the clouds.

“Oh, that's stunning!” Alex declared as he held the camera to his face and pressed the shutter button. I opened my jacket to show off my shirt to him, including the low neckline.

One hand up on the cable closest to my head. My head tilted back all the while so I resembled Debbie Harry.

For a moment, I swore he was a young buck again, especially when showed me that crooked little smile from behind his camera. It was going to be something to meet the guys that evening, especially when I knew how things flowed between the two of us.

And I wondered as to how I was going to make those scones for him, too, especially since we were going to be tipsy for quite some time, possibly for the next few hours until we could check into the room.

But it made no difference to me as I posed for him and that camera. I was having too much fun, and I wanted to give him what he couldn't have back home. And all the while, I hadn’t thought about Jerry for one second.

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 9: WE VISIT THE DEMON DUDE RANCH

Magnus looked personally offended at what he'd just read as the new chapter title. "I take it back, I don't want to know what the Triple G stands for anymore."

"Ugh, I'm with you on this one," Alex huffed. "Manly dudes strutting around being all macho with cowboy boots sounds as appealing as going shopping with Karen. Unless some Brokeback Mountain shit goes on, I'm out."

Magnus felt a very debilitating sense of hope as he realized Alex might not think muscular dudes like Hugh Jackman were his type...but wait, what did that say about himself?

"I'm sensing a lot of denim in this upcoming chapter and I am not going to like it," Thalia grumbled.

"Wearing a cowboy hat to cover up horns should be no one's idea of a good time," Jason agreed, though he would totally call in an I told you so to Percy if he guessed it right.

"But, but, cute animals!" Will protested. He enjoyed the south, thank you very much, and missed it quite a lot in the winter especially. It was really charming in the right places.

Nico was huddled up in his seat deep into his jacket. He'd been loathing this oncoming chapter and more of his crappy life on display. Will sighed, but all of the cute farm animals in the world and a merciful dry cold in the dead of winter had nothing on Nico's miserable brown eyes that just wanted to get through this.

We finally stopped in a room full of waterfalls. The floor was one big pit, ringed by a slippery stone walkway. Around us, on all four walls, water tumbled from huge pipes. The water spilled down into the pit, and even when I shined a light, I couldn't see the bottom.

"Now that would have been a badass Poseidon cabin," Jason said.

"I could do my own laundry without getting out of bed," Percy chuckled.

Briares slumped against the wall. He scooped up water in a dozen hands and washed his face. "This pit goes straight to Tartarus," he murmured. "I should jump in and save you trouble."

Percy winced uneasily at that. "I could never have a slumber party in my room though, I just know somebody's bound to fall in."

"Still think it's appropriate," Jason muttered. This area summed up his feelings about Neptune pretty well.

"Don't talk that way," Annabeth told him. "You can come back to camp with us. You can help us prepare. You know more about fighting Titans than anybody."

"You really did just stumble into a game changer of a friend in prison," Jason agreed.

"I will not be putting that in the summary, my mother would kill me!" Percy yelped.

"I have nothing to offer," Briares said. "I have lost everything."

"That's when you should build something," Alex said in one of his most serious tones of voice.

"Tyson would help," Magnus agreed with a gentleness to his voice that didn't surprise anyone.

"What about your brothers?" Tyson asked. "The other two must stand tall as mountains! We can take you to them."

"Oh, so he just needs a growth spurt, explains a lot," Percy chuckled, but it fell flat. Annabeth wasn't here to elbow him to shut up about still making jokes on that.

Briares's expression morphed to something even sadder: his grieving face. "They are no more. They faded."

The waterfalls thundered. Tyson stared into the pit and blinked tears out of his eye.

"What exactly do you mean, they faded?" I asked. "I thought monsters were immortal, like the gods."

Yet Percy looked as somber as anyone else for that question being said out loud. There had already been evidence enough immortal didn't mean one would live forever, Zoe had been more than enough of an experience for them to learn that; having been erased from history even before her death.

"Percy," Grover said weakly, "even immortality has limits. Sometimes...sometimes monsters get forgotten and they lose their will to stay immortal."

Looking at Grover's face, I wondered if he was thinking of Pan. I remembered something Medusa had told us once: how her sisters, the other two gorgons, had passed on and left her alone.

Something of that still nagged at Percy's mind, those two Bargain Mart Ladies that had chased him non-stop no matter how convinced he was they should have died from that bowling ball accident.

Then last year Apollo said something about the old god Helios disappearing and leaving him with the duties of the sun god. I'd never thought about it too much, but now, looking at Briares, I realized how terrible it would be to be so old—thousands and thousands of years old—and totally alone.

"Makes Mr. D a tad more relatable, huh?" Will asked sadly. "Stuck alone at that camp."

"He's not alone," Percy scowled, "he's got us ants there to torture!" He didn't really shout though. It did make a kind of sense put that way, even if he'd still forever wish they weren't Dionysus's punishment.

"I must go," Briares said.

"Kronos's army will invade camp," Tyson said. "We need help."

Briares hung his head. "I cannot, Cyclops."

"You are strong."

"Not anymore." Briares rose.

"Hey," I grabbed one of his arms and pulled him aside, where the roar of the water would hide our words. "Briares, we need you. In case you haven't noticed, Tyson believes in you. He risked his life for you."

I told him about everything—Luke's invasion plan, the Labyrinth entrance at camp, Daedalus's workshop, Kronos's golden coffin.

Briares just shook his head. "I cannot, demigod. I do not have a finger gun to win this game." To prove his point, he made one hundred finger guns.

Percy's heart flinched in his chest like it was trying to flee him. Looking at that given him a shot of pure fear, like looking down a military execution aimed right at him.

But it was just a game. A silly trick he'd done to help Briares escape, but like Magnus had said, it was a lesson the hundred-handed one was turning back on him now to leave.

"Maybe that's why monsters fade," I said. "Maybe it's not about what the mortals believe. Maybe it's because you give up on yourself."

"Wise words for a seaweed brain," Thalia shook her head affectionately. "Is that why you pulled him away, so Annabeth wouldn't punch you for mocking her?"

Percy grinned and mock wiped his brow in relief. "You caught me, please don't tell?"

"Nah, it can be our secret," she smiled.

His pure brown eyes regarded me. His face morphed into an expression I recognized—shame.

Percy knew even Tyson couldn't have stopped this guy and dragged him along, but he still sat there wishing he could. That he'd done something, anything else.

"I never said you have to reenact his faces Percy," Alex told him in exasperation. "Put the shame face away man, you did all you could."

"Yeah, I guess," Percy wanted to believe that anyways.

Then he turned and trudged off down the corridor until he was lost in the shadows.

Tyson sobbed.

"I lied, bring him back and stab him," Alex scowled, hands twitching for his garrote for anyone making Tyson cry.

"Maybe a tad extreme," Magnus put a cautious hand on his shoulder.

"It also disproves Nico's theory I can win any fight, because I sure didn't win that," Percy groaned. He wanted so badly to offer his brother comfort, but even back then he had no clue how.

"It's okay," Grover hesitantly patted his shoulder, which must've taken all his courage.

"I still say that was hitting Medusa, while blind, and flying," Jason grinned.

"Personal courage and battle courage aren't always the same," Thalia muttered.

Tyson sneezed. "It's not okay, goat boy. He was my hero."

"Grover should offer him a jar of peanut butter," Alex said, "nobody could be upset then."

"People allergic to peanut butter," Percy corrected.

"Have you met somebody with a nut allergy? Half of them live life on the edge and eat anyways for that stuff," Alex scoffed at his naivety.

I wanted to make him feel better, but I wasn't sure what to say.

"Never meet your hero's," Nico said casually.

Percy winced, and looked at him again. Percy had looked at him more today than he possibly had their entire time knowing each other.

Nico met those sea green eyes with a sense of relief he'd finally said it out loud for the first time. Not everything, like The Word, he still felt a cold chill run through him every time he realized he'd said that out loud, but it got slowly better every time he realized he did. Like a tight muscle unclenching itself after years of being knotted. As bad as it was for Tyson to learn, Will and Alex had been right. It was still better to know and feel the disappointment than live in ignorance forever.

Finally Annabeth stood and shouldered her backpack. "Come on, guys. This pit is making me nervous. Let's find a better place to camp for the night."

"Reason number 33 she should lead all quests," Percy nodded in agreement. "I would have just stood there until we all fell asleep trying to think of something to say."

"It's okay Percy, nobody accused you of your great strength being rousing speeches," Thalia promised.

We settled in a corridor made of huge marble blocks. It looked like it could've been part of a Greek tomb, with bronze torch holders fastened to the walls.

"Did you cross over to Egypt?" Magnus asked wearily. "Because it sounds like you're sleeping in a pyramid, and I've had enough nightmares of being chased by mummies without you adding to them." The kids in his class used to laugh at him for thinking that 1999 movie was anything remotely scary like it was his fault!

"Pretty sure the Labyrinth is restricted to America," Percy said with a shrug like that was any help at all, and also, no real confidence in that statement.

It had to be an older part of the maze, and Annabeth decided this was a good sign.

"We must be close to Daedalus's workshop," she said. "Get some rest, everybody. We'll keep going in the morning."

"Which means it's probably going to change to the modern equivalent of an art deco building when you wake up," Jason frowned.

"You and Annabeth can compare architecture tips later," Percy groaned.

"How do we know when it's morning?" Grover asked.

"When you all wake up together and happy," Will said, but the awkward laugh that followed was a little to real considering they'd all been living that problem themselves for the past few days under the ocean.

"Just rest," she insisted.

Grover didn't need to be told twice. He pulled a heap of straw out of his pack, ate some of it, made a pillow out of the rest, and was snoring in no time.

"Have I mentioned how awesome that is," Magnus grinned. "We could eradicate homelessness if more people were part goat."

"You heard it here first folks, genetic experimentation to turn all people into greek myths," Alex spoke into an invisible microphone, then tipped it towards Magnus. "Tell us, who would be your first test subject?"

Magnus hesitated for a moment, he really should have thought about that one first and not said anything, but it would be worse for himself if he didn't. And this wasn't just something he'd want to laugh off. So he looked him in the eyes and said, "anybody who denies there's a homeless problem."

Alex grinned and tipped the 'microphone,' back towards himself. "Great answer. Back to you Jason!"

"What did we say about eradicating news broadcasts?" Percy asked in exasperation.

"Only the nonimportant ones that don't check their facts," Alex grinned.

Tyson took longer getting to sleep. He tinkered with some metal scraps from his building kit for a while, but whatever he was making, he wasn't happy with it. He kept disassembling the pieces. "I'm sorry I lost the shield," I told him. "You worked so hard to repair it."

Tyson looked up. His eye was bloodshot from crying. "Do not worry, brother. You saved me. You wouldn't have had to if Briares had helped."

"He was just scared," I said. "I'm sure he'll get over it."

"He is not strong," Tyson said. "He is not important anymore."

"Note to self, start lifting weights," Thalia mock whispered and doodled on her palm, before smacking said invisible piece of paper on Percy's chest.

He brushed it off with an exasperated look at her, but didn't try to fight off a smile.

He heaved a big sad sigh, then closed his eye. The metal pieces fell out of his hand, still unassembled, and Tyson began to snore.

"Now that is a magical ability I bet plenty of people would volunteer to be willing to undergo experiments to do," Jason said.

"Depends on how optional the snoring is," Percy shrugged.

I tried to fall asleep myself, but I couldn't. Something about getting chased by a large dragon lady with poison swords made it real hard to relax.

Will stroked an imaginary beard as if in deep contemplation before snapping his fingers. "Then maybe don't do that again!"

"It wasn't voluntary!" Percy yelped.

"He says, as if he couldn't have turned right back around when he found himself in a prison cell," Jason rolled his eyes.

"To be fair," Thalia said of herself as much as him, "I don't think it's humanly possible to not be curious and look around when you pop up somewhere."

"It is if you don't want to die and or be chased by a large dragon lady with poison swords," Magnus frowned.

"Well look at you and your cushy life," Percy grinned.

I picked up my bedroll and dragged it over to where Annabeth was sitting, keeping watch.

Magnus fought the urge to cover his ears and start humming very loudly. They weren't old enough to have anything resembling a conversation that should warrant that. Yet.

I sat down next to her.

"You should sleep," she said.

"Can't. You doing all right?"

"Sure. First day leading the quest. Just great."

"We'll get there," I said. "We'll find the workshop before Luke does."

She brushed her hair out of her face. She had a smudge of dirt on her chin, and I imagined what she must've looked like when she was little, wandering around the country with Thalia and Luke. Once she'd saved them from the mansion of the evil Cyclops when she was only seven. Even when she looked scared, like now, I knew she had a lot of guts.

Magnus read that with a sense of longing that seemed strange to the others. He wished he could sit around and talk to Thalia and Percy about that time, hear more about her life outside of what Percy had gleaned.

It didn't feel like his business to ask of others though. He wanted to ask her first if she even wanted some weird kid in her life that was part of a family she clearly was on rocky terms with.

"I just wish the quest was logical," she complained.

"It really does sound like the worst scenario for her," Jason agreed with a pained grimace. "Like a real life greek myth, she finally got her wish and it's just mocking her."

"Jason, all Greek tragedy's were real," Percy reminded a tad smugly.

"I'm going to make your death a mystery," he rolled his eyes.

"I mean, we're traveling but we have no idea where we'll end up. How can you walk from New York to California in a day?"

"And without any bathroom breaks," Will agreed in awe. "That's got to be some kind of record."

"Who says I didn't stop and use the little Poseidon's room in that waterfall?" Percy said way to nonchalantly for that to be a joke. "It went straight down to Tartarus after all, and the automatic flushing was nice."

The others groaned while Thalia told Will, "you walked right into that one. Did you really think he wouldn't follow through on that set up?"

"Lesson learned," he promised.

"Space isn't the same in the maze."

"I know, I know. It's just..." She looked at me hesitantly. "Percy, I was kidding myself. All that planning and reading, I don't have a clue where we're going."

"You guys never know what you're doing and it works out," Thalia cheerfully waved off.

Percy gave her a strange, lingering smile as Jason read.

"You're doing great. Besides, we never know what we're doing. It always works out.

"Dammit," she sighed before they both started snickering.

Remember Circe's island?"

She snorted. "You made a cute guinea pig."

"And Waterland, how you got us thrown off that ride?"

"I got us thrown off? That was totally your fault!"

"It was literally her fault with that maximum height nonsense!" Alex argued. Mostly because they suspected he just liked to argue.

"Percy started it with dumping all that water into the ride to escape the spiders," Magnus cheerfully reminded on behalf of his cousin.

They probably would have gone on like that, like they all needed a live reenactment of Percy and Annabeth bickering. Jason had the good sense to clear his throat and silently remind them now wasn't the time.

"See? It'll be fine."

She smiled, which I was glad to see, but the smile faded quickly.

"Percy, what did Hera mean when she said you knew the way to get through the maze?"

"Lies and hypocrisy I assume," Alex scowled anew.

"Did she really show up to sow dissent between you guys?" Magnus sounded more troubled than Jason did about how these gods worked sometimes.

"I mean, that is a thing she would do," Nico said callously while Percy thumped his pen against his temple in frustration. "This time though, I honestly think it might have been meant as a helpful hint." Certainly more than he'd ever gotten, but if this was the kind of help he would have received he was just slightly grateful none of the gods had tried.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Honestly."

"You'd tell me if you did?"

"You have literally never tried to hide anything from her," Magnus said critically. "I can't imagine you starting now."

"Thanks man," Percy grinned. It felt nice sometimes to always be confident someone so like Annabeth saw the best in him too.

"Sure. Maybe..."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe if you told me the last line of the prophecy, it would help."

"And maybe if I told you what a binturong was you'd be able to cure cancer," Will snorted.

"What's a binturong?" Percy asked blankly.

"Don't change the subject," Thalia tisked at him, already knowing that was a lost cause trying to get him to pay attention to one thing at a time.

Annabeth shivered. "Not here. Not in the dark."

"What about the choice Janus mentioned? Hera said—"

"Stop," Annabeth snapped.

Percy sat back in his seat with a troubled sigh. She'd never snapped at him to shut it before. Their first fight? Or did that whole Athena hates Poseidon thing count first-

He was distracted from that as Magnus kept going in the slightly awkward pause.

Then she took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, Percy. I'm just stressed. But I don't...I've got to think about it."

Nico felt the oddest sensation yet for her since he'd been down here. Sympathy.

Not quite pity, she had Percy to talk to about all of her problems if she wanted. He was still wrapping his head around the fact Alex and Will had bothered to talk to him. No, it was the recent knowledge of how overwhelming the thoughts in your head could be and knowing you needed to sit with them and yet having no where to start, no way to sort them out that didn't leave you in a mess.

He hoped she did talk to Percy about what was bothering her before it overwhelmed her. He wouldn't wish his confusing life on anyone.

We sat in silence, listening to strange creaks and groans in the maze, the echo of stones grinding together as tunnels changed, grew, and expanded.

The dark made me think about the visions I'd seen of Nico di Angelo, and suddenly I realized something.

"Nico is down here somewhere," I said. "That's how he disappeared from camp. He found the Labyrinth. Then he found a path that led down even farther—to the Underworld. But now he's back in the maze. He's coming after me."

"I guess I should have been more worried what kind of take me out he was going to do," Percy said glibly. He'd never realized you could assassinate someone or have them out for dinner with just one word.

Nico looked at him terrified, like Percy was going to snap his fingers and crush all his bones. Percy just gave him the least awkward smile yet, he'd thought a joke would help lighten the mood.

Thalia elbowed him, hard, while Jason and Magnus looked on with pure confusion. "What?" Percy protested.

"Percy, not everybody's so casual about, um, whatever you and Nico talked about," Thalia whispered to him.

"What?" He was more confused than anything, but he still felt a blush coming back. "Why? Will and Alex are both weirdly okay with whatever they say?"

"But not everybody is," she hissed quietly right by his ear. "Just, wait for him to say anything first before you do."

He had no clue what she was getting at, but he shrugged and let it go.

Annabeth was quiet for a long time. "Percy, I hope you're wrong. But if you're right..." she stared at the flashlight beam, casting a dim circle on the stone wall. I had a feeling she was thinking about her prophecy. I'd never seen her look more tired.

Percy knew that feeling intricately. Sitting in the back of a truck with abused animals and gnawing over what could be so much it made everything hopeless while you stumbled into the next catastrophe.

Annabeth had never let him down on his quest though, and he was determined he would do the same for her.

"How about I take first watch?" I said. "I'll wake you if anything happens."

Annabeth looked like she wanted to protest, but she just nodded, slumped into her bedroll, and closed her eyes.

There had been so little light in that tunnel, his brain had been going haywire all night over the smallest noise. He'd flicked a spider off her at one point before she had to wake up and realize that. Her tangled blonde curls kept tickling her neck and she'd moved and brushed at them in her sleep, smudging that dirt on her cheek as she muttered.

He probably wasn't that good at guard duty, looking back.

When it was my turn to sleep, I dreamed I was back in the old man's Labyrinth prison.

"What's a level above a 3D experience?" Magnus looked at him tragically. "Percy's over here living a double life being in this place two times at once and it's depressing."

"You're telling me," Percy agreed with a thankful smile all the same. Anybody else giving him that pitying look would have made him uncomfortable, but Magnus seemed genuinely sorry for him.

It looked more like a workshop now. Tables were littered with measuring instruments. A forge burned red hot in the corner. The boy I'd seen in the last dream was stoking the bellows, except he was taller now, almost my age.

"That awkward moment where I'm not sure if I'd take juvie or this?" Alex grumbled. The freedom to be able to work in a prison was not something he'd tolerate though under any circumstances, so it was a moot point.

A weird funnel device was attached to the forge's chimney, trapping the smoke and heat and channeling it through a pipe into the floor, next to a big bronze manhole cover.

It was daytime. The sky above was blue, but the walls of the maze cast deep shadows across the workshop. After being in tunnels so long, I found it weird that part of the Labyrinth could be open to the sky. Somehow that made the maze seem like even a crueler place.

Magnus had thought much the same the first time he heard it. He lived the feeling every day of seeing everything he'd never have again as he pulled his jacket tighter around him.

The old man looked sickly. He was terribly thin, his hands raw and red from working. White hair covered his eyes, and his tunic was smudged with grease. He was bent over a table, working on some kind of long metal patchwork—like a swath of chain mail. He picked up a delicate curl of bronze and fitted it into place.

"Done," he announced. "It's done."

He picked up his project. It was so beautiful, my heart leaped—metal wings constructed from thousands of interlocking bronze feathers. There were two sets. One still lay on the table. Daedalus stretched the frame, and the wings expanded twenty feet. Part of me knew it could never fly. It was too heavy, and there'd be no way to get off the ground. But the craftsmanship was amazing. Metal feathers caught the light and flashed thirty different shades of gold.

Thalia shuddered at those things being strapped to her back, but Alex's breath caught in his throat at the beautiful imagery. He could turn into a golden bird if he wished, and yet the craftsman ship of somebody making the painstaking effort in those lit a unique fire in him to long and try the same.

The boy left the bellows and ran over to see. He grinned, despite the fact that he was grimy and sweaty. "Father, you're a genius!"

The old man smiled. "Tell me something I don't know, Icarus.

"Why do I know that name?" Magnus frowned. It was one of those moments he swore he'd heard through osmosis, something circled and passed around in word of mouth he'd swear he had no attachment to.

"Not sure," Percy agreed, "but a kid named Ick- anything must be happy to at least have some isolation from other kids."

Jason snorted in surprise while Thalia sighed in exasperation at the idiot.

Now hurry. It will take at least an hour to attach them. Come."

"You first," Icarus said.

The old man protested, but Icarus insisted. "You made them, Father. You should get the honor of wearing them first."

The boy attached a leather harness to his father's chest,

This boy adored his father, which left a strange silence in the room as Magnus read over that. Not one of them knew that feeling. Most of them barely had a relationship with their dad if they talked at all.

like climbing gear, with straps that ran from his shoulders to his wrists. Then he began fastening on the wings, using a metal canister that looked like an enormous hot-glue gun.

"And you said I didn't have any hand to scar knowledge," Percy grinned. "Try helping your mom out with some arts and crafts project and see if you come away without one of these," he prodded his ring finger where a slight discoloration of skin was, right below a sizeable deep scar from one of his early sword practices.

Or, it used to be.

"I would never accuse a kid like you of not knowing about hot-glue Percy," Alex grinned. "Your mom probably banned you from using them too early in life."

"A successful win, glad you know me so well," he chuckled, but it sounded choked up as he kept prodding at the flesh in his fingers that still moved like normal...yet he'd swear they were somebody else's hands for a moment. He knew that scar should have been there, Annabeth had told him to put water on it and he'd deliberately ignored her because a scar had sounded like the coolest thing to have in that moment...Were his memories coming back wrong...

Thalia had to nudge him again, hard, to get him to pay attention. He felt like he should have a bruise on his ribs by this point as often as she did that, but his creepy baby hands rubbed at the spot and somehow knew that wouldn't happen no matter how many times she did.

"The wax compound should hold for several hours," Daedalus said nervously as his son worked. "But we must let it set first. And we would do well to avoid flying too high or too low. The sea would wet the wax seals—"

"And the sun's heat would loosen them," the boy finished.

Magnus's mind nagged at him more stubbornly by the moment. A story about a boy who flew to close to the sun? He'd read an article once on where the idea was based on, and something of greek stories had played a part in it.

His stomach started sinking low as he put two and two together. There had yet been a Greek story that didn't end in tragedy.

"Yes, Father. We've been through this a million times!"

"One cannot be too careful."

"I have complete faith in your inventions, Father! No one has ever been as smart as you."

Thalia's stomach pitched unpleasantly. The gods never liked it when something like that was spoken into the air. The Fates themselves may have just sealed this boys fate before Athena could have concocted a plan.

The old man's eyes shone. It was obvious he loved his son more than anything in the world.

Alex studied the book intently for a few moments, annoyed that was an expression he could never replicate in a sculpture if he'd never actually seen it.

"Now I will do your wings, and give mine a chance to set properly. Come!"

It was slow going. The old man's hands fumbled with the straps. He had a hard time keeping the wings in position while he sealed them. His own metal wings seemed to weigh him down, getting in his way while he tried to work.

"I'm guessing this was a prototype experiment, maybe needs a few test runs before it's marketable," Jason muttered uneasily.

"I don't think his, um, investor is giving him much time to test the safety features," Thalia didn't need to remind him. If this wasn't a blatant escape attempt then there was a cake about to jump out of that bronze manhole cover.

"Too slow," the old man muttered. "I am too slow."

"Take your time, Father," the boy said. "The guards aren't due until—"

BOOM!

"That one wasn't me!" Percy said with a shaky attempt at a laugh that fell flat fast. The silence was starting to settle around them as they all expected his dream to end with the nightmarish image of someone's death.

The workshop doors shuddered. Daedalus had barred them from the inside with a wooden brace, but still they shook on their hinges.

"Hurry!" Icarus said.

BOOM! BOOM!

Something heavy was slamming into the doors. The brace held, but a crack appeared in the left door.

Daedalus worked furiously. A drop of hot wax spilled onto Icarus's shoulder. The boy winced but did not cry out.

Will winced horribly with him, wondering how much pain the poor boy had been through all these years to learn how to do that.

When his left wing was sealed into the straps, Daedalus began working on the right.

"We must have more time," Daedalus murmured. "They are too early! We need more time for the seal to hold."

"It'll be fine," Icarus said, as his father finished the right wing. "Help me with the manhole—"

CRASH! The doors splintered and the head of a bronze battering ram emerged through the breach. Axes cleared the debris, and two armed guards entered the room, followed by the king with the golden crown and the spearshaped beard.

"Well, well," the king said with a cruel smile. "Going somewhere?"

"I'm panicking right now and don't have a witty comeback for that," Percy admitted. He wanted to be in that cell, to hold off this horrible king and those guards while they escaped.

"Brave soul to admit that," Alex told him, just as impressed as if he had spouted some one-liner.

Daedalus and his son froze, their metal wings glimmering on their backs.

"I really hope he made a prayer to Zeus," Magnus muttered uneasily. "He sounds like he's really going to need all the help he can get." He found himself signing it, like he wished he hadn't had to say it out loud and jinx it. He missed Hearth.

He wasn't entirely sure why they were hearing about this either. He would have thought Percy would be dreaming of how Daedalus had created the maze and all its horrors. Why was the mans death so worthy of this nightmare?

"We're leaving, Minos," the old man said.

King Minos chuckled. "I was curious to see how far you'd get on this little project before I dashed your hopes. I must say I'm impressed." The king admired their wings. "You look like metal chickens," he decided. "Perhaps we should pluck you and make a soup."

"Maybe he'd like a pair of his own?" Nico said with a nasty smile. "Chicken's cannibalize each other. Daedalus would probably be more than happy to make a parting pair so he could join."

"Two sentences I'm sure have no relation to each other," Percy said with a strange look at him as usual when this king was brought up. The flash of outrage that always passed over Nico felt really personal and always amped Percy's headache up to eleven.

The guards laughed stupidly.

"Metal chickens," one repeated. "Soup."

"Shut up," the king said. Then he turned again to Daedalus. "You let my daughter escape, old man. You drove my wife to madness. You killed my monster and made me the laughingstock of the Mediterranean. You will never escape me!"

"All crimes I'm so sure this ass hole had no part of the fault in whatsoever," Jason scowled.

"That bad luck stuff really does come in threes," Percy chuckled. "Maybe he'll get lucky and a drought will come along so he can blame all his problems on the weather next."

Icarus grabbed the wax gun and sprayed it at the king, who stepped back in surprise. The guards rushed forward, but each got a stream of hot wax in his face.

Alex made a humming noise of pleasure and Magnus swallowed uneasily at the vivid mental image of him doing that to someone who next annoyed him.

"The vent!" Icarus yelled to his father.

"Get them!" King Minos raged.

Together, the old man and his son pried open the manhole cover, and a column of hot air blasted out of the ground. The king watched, incredulous, as the inventor and son shot into the sky on their bronze wings, carried by the updraft.

"Shoot them!" the king yelled, but his guards had brought no bows. One threw his sword in desperation,

"With hot wax in his face?" Thalia sounded incredulously impressed. "I hope that man got a promotion for dedication."

"Or more likely was beheaded first," Nico grumbled.

but Daedalus and Icarus were already out of reach. They wheeled above the maze and the king's palace, then zoomed across the city of Knossos and out past the rocky shores of Crete.

Icarus laughed. "Free, Father! You did it."

The boy spread his wings to their full limit and soared away on the wind.

"Wait!" Daedalus called. "Be careful!"

But Icarus was already out over the open sea, heading north and delighting in their good luck. He soared up and scared an eagle out of its flight path, then plummeted toward the sea like he was born to fly, pulling out of a nosedive at the last second. His sandals skimmed the waves.

Thalia looked a tad green around the edges of that being described in such vivid detail. Jason looked downright envious, it sounded magical and something he had a funny feeling he'd dreamed about doing in another life he might actually remember.

"Stop that!" Daedalus called. But the wind carried his voice away. His son was drunk on his own freedom.

Will was wincing over every other word though. This story was probably still so popular as a cautionary tale to listen to your parents, look both ways before crossing the streets no matter how sure you were. Will heard it as the boy having to much faith in his father's abilities. Either way you looked at it, this boy had not deserved such a miserable life only to die like that.

The old man struggled to catch up, gliding clumsily after his son.

They were miles from Crete, over deep sea, when Icarus looked back and saw his father's worried expression.

Icarus smiled. "Don't worry, Father! You're a genius! I trust your handiwork—"

The first metal feather shook loose from his wings and fluttered away.

There wasn't much shock, or a bunch of falsities this story was going to end happily ever after. Magnus read somberly, there was a sense of gentleness in the way he read that indicated this wasn't the first tragic story he'd heard and knew the right way to control his voice.

Then another.

Icarus wabbled in midair. Suddenly he was shedding bronze feathers, which twirled away from him like a flock of frightened birds.

"I feel the need to give a hats off one more time to whoever it is describing that, glorious, mental image," Alex said in a very restrained voice holding back awe, and laughter. He felt a little bad, this was a real kid that had really died, but also that was just to vivid an image to be expressed in only words. His hands ached for some clay to somehow memorialize that, as he was sure some Greek had once done.

"Icarus!" his father cried. "Glide! Extend the wings. Stay as still as possible!"

But Icarus flapped his arms, desperately trying to reassert control.

The left wing went first—ripping away from the straps.

"Father!" Icarus cried. And then he fell, the wings stripped away until he was just a boy in a climbing harness and a white tunic, his arms extended in a useless attempt to glide.

I woke with a start, feeling like I was falling.

Percy fought off the urge to startle in his seat now as he rubbed at his thudding heart, that bronze battering ram might as well have been pounding against his ribs. Maybe he'd been wrong before. He should be more grateful about the nightmares where his pants try to eat him.

The corridor was dark. In the constant moaning of the Labyrinth, I thought I could hear the anguished cry of Daedalus calling his son's name, as Icarus, his only joy, plummeted toward the sea, three hundred feet below.

Nico sighed as he studied his boots and imagined the rest of that kids passing. He was probably still in the Fields of Asphodel for all eternity, having lived an unremarkable life, but moments like this made him wish there was another option.

He'd been no hero, so there was no way he'd get into Elysium, but he'd also never been given a chance. He'd just had a miserable life, and it shouldn't just be the hero's who deserved to try for better.

There was no morning in the maze, but once everyone woke up and had a fabulous breakfast of granola bars and juice boxes,

"You guys are way to young to be eating old people food for breakfast," Alex sighed. "Where's the soda and cake because nobody can't tell you not to? Where's the vodka?"

"Alex's potential alcoholic sugar rush aside," Will said with his eyes closed like the idea physically pained him, "I for one am glad to see Annabeth is a smart packer!"

we kept traveling. I didn't mention my dream. Something about it had really freaked me out, and I didn't think the others needed to know that.

"Not seeing how it would have helped much," Jason agreed warily, "but I still think you should have. It might not have shined a light on your path problem, or anything, but it's still better to get off your chest, and maybe Annabeth would have opened up too."

"And you share every thought that comes to your mind huh?" Percy asked glumly. "Between the terrified peeps Grover kept making for every step we took and Annabeth muttering to herself about which way to go, I didn't want to break the awesome symphony they had going."

Jason wasn't going to keep arguing the point, he just wished Percy understood Annabeth might have liked for her troops to know they could confide any little thing in her.

The old stone tunnels changed to dirt with cedar beams, like a gold mine or something. Annabeth started getting agitated.

"This isn't right," she said. "It should still be stone."

"Why?" Magnus asked in ever growing concern why she still thought any of this should make sense.

"Dirt is the oldest thing on the planet, isn't that an even better path to lead to the oldest workshop?" Alex agreed.

Nobody was so much ignoring their questions, they just didn't have a good answer.

We came to a cave where stalactites hung low from the ceiling. In the center of the dirt floor was a rectangular pit, like a grave.

"Frankly I'm surprised you haven't come across more people deciding to just start digging their own graves," Will admitted with itchy skin. He probably would have if he'd been stuck in that Labyrinth.

Grover shivered. "It smells like the Underworld in here."

"I never really thought cemeteries would smell like pleasant mangroves, but thanks for the confirmation," Percy muttered.

Then I saw something glinting at the edge of the pit—a foil wrapper. I shined my flashlight into the hole and saw a half-chewed cheeseburger floating in brown carbonated muck.

"Nico, we have got to work on your signature exit strategy," Alex told him. "You get points for originality, but that must take way to long to orchestrate, and the waste!"

"I like to think of it more as a really fancy calling card," Nico grinned. "I've been here and you should all know and fear me."

"Hey," Alex grinned and even gave him a finger gun. "Good one!"

"Nico," I said. "He was summoning the dead again."

Tyson whimpered. "Ghosts were here. I don't like ghosts."

"We've got to find him." I don't know why, but standing at the edge of that pit gave me a sense of urgency. Nico was close, I could feel it.

Nico looked around at him in mild concern. "If you start tracking me like a bloodhound you will regret it."

"I was hoping you had some fries left over," Percy admitted with a sheepish grin. He was just to relieved the kid was okay rather than the surge of urgency he'd had in that place.

I couldn't let him wander around down here, alone except for the dead. I started to run.

Nico seemed genuinely touched. He even gave Percy a brief smile, the friendliest expression Percy had ever seen on him. Percy immediately smiled back, really hoping all this awkward crush business had just blown over finally.

"Percy!" Annabeth called.

I ducked into a tunnel and saw light up ahead. By the time Annabeth, Tyson, and Grover caught up with me, I was staring at daylight streaming through a set of bars above my head. We were under a steel grate made out of metal pipes. I could see trees and blue sky.

"Are you in another prison underground?" Magnus asked in trepidation. "Is the whole labyrinth just going to lead you to every prison on the planet?"

"I, really hope not," Percy said with a blank stare.

Thalia made an awkward noise as she tried not to agree. It was certainly an imprisonment for those poor animals.

"Where are we?" I wondered.

Then a shadow fell across the grate and a cow stared down at me. It looked like a normal cow except with was a weird color—bright red, like a cherry. I didn't know cows came in that color.

"Where did you think strawberry milk came from Percy?" Jason said with way to much confidence, it actually threw Percy off for a moment before they both chuckled.

"Um, they kind of can," Alex agreed, "but not bright red. More of a deep red color."

"No, I mean like, Rachel's hair red, I am not kidding," Percy promised.

"So our options on the dude ranch are cute cow shows where they die their cattle rainbow colors, or fiery cows that are going to kill you," Magnus sighed.

Will fought hard to stifle a laugh he was pretty close on that second one.

"Maybe Bessie's parents are there," Alex chuckled.

The cow mooed, put one hoof tentatively on the bars, then backed away.

"It's a cattle guard," Grover said.

"A what?" I asked.

"They put them at the gates of ranches so cows can't get out. They can't walk on them."

"How do you know that?"

Grover huffed indignantly. "Believe me, if you had hooves, you'd know about cattle guards. They're annoying!"

"Poor Grover," Magnus agreed. "I wonder if he can walk over any grate, like those giant ones you see in store parking lots."

"I get the feeling Grover doesn't frequent grocery stores very much for that to be a problem," Thalia reminded.

I turned to Annabeth. "Didn't Hera say something about a ranch? We need to check it out. Nico might be there."

"She also said to keep going past the ranch," Nico supplied with perfect clarity and a very confused raised eyebrow. "You're really ignoring the one good bit of advice she gave you?"

"Like I'm going to take some goddess's advice that stressed out Annabeth so much," Percy scoffed, "we still need to have a talk!"

"Right," Nico agreed with another surprised smile.

She hesitated. "All right. But how do we get out?"

Tyson solved that problem by hitting the cattle guard with both hands. It popped off and went flying out of sight. We heard a CLANG! and a startled Moo! Tyson blushed.

"Sorry, cow!" he called.

There was just friendly laughter going around the room for a moment, along with Alex and Magnus sharing some odd signs about finishing an animal book of noises nobody else followed.

Then he gave us a boost out of the tunnel.

We were on a ranch, all right. Rolling hills stretched to the horizon, dotted with oak trees and cactuses and boulders. A barbed wire fence ran from the gate in either direction. Cherry-colored cows roamed around, grazing on clumps of grass.

"Red cattle," Annabeth said. "The cattle of the sun."

"I was joking about them being able to breathe fire too!" Magnus groaned.

"No, no, you were right on the money with that one," Will chuckled.

"What?" I asked.

"They're sacred to Apollo."

"Holy cows?"

"Are the Greeks responsible for every old saying?" Magnus laughed in surprise. "Like if I say the phrase till the cows come home, are you going to tell me it's based on a myth?"

"Um," Thalia gave him an awkward smile rather than admit, yeah, probably.

"Exactly. But what are they doing—"

"Wait," Grover said. "Listen."

At first everything seemed quiet...but then I heard it: the distant baying of dogs.

Alex did a weirdly good reenactment of that like they needed a live performance.

Jason laughed hard in surprise, for some reason he just knew he had a misplaced fondness for hunting dogs Mrs. O'Leary hadn't quite struck in him.

The sound got louder. Then the underbrush rustled, and two dogs broke through. Except it wasn't two dogs. It was one dog with two heads. It looked like a greyhound, long and snaky and sleek brown, but its neck V'd into two heads, both of them snapping and snarling and generally not very glad to see us.

"Cool," Jason grinned wider than ever.

"Not in the slightest," Magnus muttered, fighting off the impulse to make the warding off evil gesture at the idea of this thing anywhere near him.

"Bad Janus dog!" Tyson cried.

Magnus had no choice but to laugh too though.

"Do you think one head sniffs out truth and the other lies?" Thalia tagged in.

Jason gave her a startled look, something of the description of this dog and that tied in well-

but Magnus kept reading quickly, his dislike of canines wasn't subtle, and he obviously didn't want to linger on this.

"Arf!" Grover told it, and raised a hand in greeting.

The two-headed dog bared its teeth. I guess it wasn't impressed that Grover could speak animal.

"It's like speaking to a New Yorker," Will offered. "Just because you learn the lingo doesn't mean you're welcome."

"Fair enough," Percy said with a bright-eyed thanks, nobody had ever explained it like that before.

Then its master lumbered out of the woods, and I realized the dog was the least of our problems.

He was a huge guy with stark white hair, a straw cowboy hat, and a braided white beard— kind of like Father Time, if Father Time went redneck and got totally jacked. He was wearing jeans, a DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS T-shirt, and a denim jacket with the sleeves ripped off so you could see his muscles. On his right bicep was a crossed-swords tattoo. He held a wooden club about the size of a nuclear warhead, with six-inch spikes bristling at the business end.

"That is a very manly dude on this demon animal ranch," Magnus groaned, fighting off the urge to chuck the book away from him at the chapter title once again being way to accurate.

"I bet he makes good barbeque though," Alex said like he was still willing to give the place a chance if someone let him pet the animals.

"Heel, Orthus," he told the dog.

"He named his dog twilight?" Alex asked with a very concerning, twitching smile. "Well, given the pet, I'm sure I can guess which team he was on."

"We all have our secret hobbies," Magnus said with an eye roll, he really hoped that wasn't one Alex secretly liked.

The dog growled at us once more, just to make his feelings clear, then circled back to his master's feet.

"Um, good dog?" Will said meekly. "It's always nice to express your feelings."

"Maybe not the kind that make you want to cover your throat," Nico frowned, he'd been on the receiving end of those fangs getting a little to close.

The man looked us up and down, keeping his club ready.

"What've we got here?" he asked. "Cattle rustlers?"

"Just travelers," Annabeth said. "We're on a quest."

The man's eye twitched. "Half-bloods, eh?"

I started to say, "How did you know—"

"Well you don't look like cow rustlers," Thalia snorted.

Annabeth put her hand on my arm. "I'm Annabeth, daughter of Athena. This is Percy, son of Poseidon.

"Why the actual fridge fart did she introduce you with your parents?" Jason demanded. "That tends to cause more problems!"

Percy was to busy repeating a particular part of Jason's question to himself to answer while Thalia shrugged nonchalantly. "Dog might have sniffed it out, most monsters know anyways, no point in lying."

Grover the satyr. Tyson the—"

"Cyclops," the man finished. "Yes, I can see that." He glowered at me. "And I know half-bloods because I am one, sonny. I'm Eurytion, the cowherd for this here ranch. Son of Ares.

"I'm curious if that whole, forever grudging hate thing Ares has against you for beating him is passed on through some kind of psychic link to all his kids, not just the ones at Camp," Alex asked, miming a head explosion to emphasize his point.

"You just want to hear about someone meeting me and beating the tar out of me," Percy frowned in accusation.

"Trying to beat the tar out of you," Alex corrected. "You're not wrong, but that's not entirely why I want to know," Alex agreed.

"Well I couldn't guess," Percy said in exasperation.

You came through the Labyrinth like the other one, I reckon."

"The other one?" I asked. "You mean Nico di Angelo?"

"We get a load of visitors from the Labyrinth," Eurytion said darkly. "Not many ever leave."

Will sat up straight in his seat, no more jokes or tiffs about silly things like being afraid of a two-headed dog as he looked seriously from Nico to the book and back. Nico had last said he'd gotten caught, but no more. He really hadn't been that worried about it since he was right here, but now his Apollo-healer tingle started humming if they had actually hurt him while holding him there for however long until he got out.

"Wow," I said. "I feel welcome."

"They should put a mat out instead of some old cattle guard," Alex agreed.

The cowherd glanced bend him like someone was watching. Then he lowered his voice. "I'm only going to say this once, demigods. Get back in the maze now. Before it's too late."

The short, sharp breath that escaped Nico wasn't his first in this room. He'd almost come to expect it in regards to Percy, the boy he'd actually known nothing about really.

This moment caught him off guard anew. That Percy could have run and come back when the quest was over. That he'd followed his impulsiveness to come find him but still had the chance to turn around.

"We're not leaving," Annabeth insisted. "Not until we see this other demigod. Please."

And they didn't. Neither Percy or Annabeth. With everything else weighing heavier on the line, they actually picked him at that moment.

Eurytion grunted. "Then you leave me no choice, missy. I've got to take you to the boss."

"If this guy's just the grunt, how big is the boss going to be?" Magnus frowned.

"You really want to know that?" Alex asked in surprise.

"No," he sighed, "but we're going to find out anyways."

"Well then you can either cover up your ears and ignore it all or make up a lie for yourself in the meantime," Alex scoffed.

I didn't feel like we were hostages or anything.

"And the amount of exposure you've had to that feeling makes me confident in your verification of that," Jason sighed.

"I always wanted an adventurous life," Percy shrugged.

Eurytion walked alongside us with his club across his shoulder. Orthus the two-headed dog growled a lot and sniffed at Grover's legs and shot into the bushes once in a while to chase animals, but Eurytion kept him more or less under control.

We walked down a dirt path that seemed to go on forever. It must've been close to a hundred degrees, which was a shock after San Francisco. Heat shimmered off the ground. Insects buzzed in the trees. Before we'd gone very far, I was sweating like crazy. Flies swarmed us. Every so often we'd see a pen full of red cows or even stranger animals. Once we passed a corral where the fence was coated in asbestos. Inside, a herd of fire-breathing horses milled around. The hay in their feeding trough was on fire. The ground smoked around their feet, but the horses seemed tame enough. One big stallion looked at me and whinnied, columns of red flame billowing out his nostrils. I wondered if it hurt his sinuses.

"I'm sensing a theme," Alex said with interest.

"If Orthus isn't immune to flames then I don't know how they get the herding done around there," Magnus said curiously, "unless they have a separate fire breathing dog just for that and Orthus is security."

"I just want to know what happens when you milk them," Jason chuckled. "Is that were the lava at camp comes from?"

Percy laughed along with them like he didn't have a care in the world.

"What are they for?" I asked.

Eurytion scowled. "We raise animals for lots of clients. Apollo, Diomedes, and...others."

"Like who?"

"No more questions."

"Are we really surprised?" Thalia scoffed. "If he was going to tell you his entire clientele he'd already be bragging about it."

"He didn't really answer my question," Percy insisted, "you know I'd never let something like that go."

Finally we came out of the woods. Perched on a hill above us was a big ranch house—all white stone and wood and big windows.

"It looks like a Frank Lloyd Wright!" Annabeth said.

"The building looks like a person?" Will squinted suspiciously.

"No, I think the guy is famous for organic architecture or something," Jason grinned. "I'm sure I've come across his name, though I have no clue why."

"The house is, edible?" Percy frowned. "It didn't look made out of candy and gingerbread."

"No, they're like, open, modern, utilize the best space," Jason said, his brow creasing with concentration as he tried to remember why he'd read about this. "Um, I think prairie dogs came up at one point?"

"We seriously need a book on what you've been up to," Thalia said, her selfish reasons aside in this case.

"Well, at least we're sticking with a farm theme," Will nodded like that was all the relief he needed.

I guess she was talking about some architectural thing. To me it just looked like the kind of place where a few demigods could get into serious trouble.

"Percy, that's every building you walk into," Magnus scoffed.

"I could put you in a rubber room and you'd find a way to make it explode," Alex agreed with pride.

No wonder he did so well on this very combustible farm, Nico kept to himself, and Percy didn't even explode anything. He was just in his natural element even out of the water.

We hiked up the hill.

"Don't break the rules," Eurytion warned as we walked up the steps to the front porch.

"He hasn't told us the rules yet!" Will protested like he expected the monsters to play fair.

"I guess he never got numb to the pretty scenery and was distracted," Alex rolled his eyes.

"No fighting. No drawing weapons. And don't make any comments about the boss's appearance."

"Oh," Thalia said in great exhaustion. "Percy's screwed."

Percy didn't bother to deny it, he was already tapping his pen against each knuckle with growing unease. Eurytion hadn't bothered him much, but something of this house was setting his instincts ablaze, and he had a feeling it didn't have anything to do with organic housing.

"Why?" I asked. "What does he look like?"

Before Eurytion could reply, a new voice said, "Welcome to the Triple G Ranch."

"Unless the triple stands for gay I don't think this is going to be any fun," Alex pouted.

"And here I was starting to delude myself the G stood for great," Magnus sighed. "Triple Great Ranch, where nobody almost dies!"

"Focusing on the wrong part of that," Thalia muttered low enough Percy couldn't hear.

The man on the porch had a normal head, which was a relief.

Percy wasn't phased by the smattering of snickers that covered the room. They were lucky they'd only had to hear the weirdness described.

His face was weathered and brown from years in the sun. He had a slick black hair and a black pencil moustache like villains have in old movies.

"What's with the evil mustaches in this book?" Will asked nervously, still watching Nico anxiously. He didn't seem particularly traumatized by this guy showing up again, but was back to fiddling with his ring uneasily. "Why can't someone be described with a friendly mustache like Santa?"

"Because nobody wants Nerus to come back," Percy rolled his eyes.

He smiled at us, but the smile wasn't friendly; more amused, like Oh boy, more people to torture!

"I dislike that you know that smile," Magnus groaned.

"It's the only way I've ever seen Mr. D smile," Percy shrugged.

I didn't ponder that very long, though, because then I noticed his body...or bodies. He had three of them. Now you'd think I would've gotten used to weird anatomy after Janus and Briares, but this guy was three complete people. His neck connected to the middle chest like normal, but he had two more chests, one to either side, connected at the shoulders, with a few inches between. His left arm grew out of his left chest, and the same on the right, so he had two arms, but four armpits, if that makes any sense. The chests all connected into one enormous torso, with two regular but very beefy legs, and he wore the most oversized pair of Levis I'd ever seen. His chests each wore a different color Western shirt—green, yellow, red, like a stoplight. I wondered how he dressed the middle chest, since it had no arms.

"People of different backgrounds don't always like their routines on display Percy," Jason rolled his eyes at him.

"That cannot be comfortable getting through your average doorway," Magnus frowned at this bizarre theme of mismatching body parts Percy had been coming across. "Guess that open floor plan was on purpose."

The cowherd Eurytion nudged me. "Say Hello to Mr. Geryon."

"Oh, triple Geryon, I get it," Alex grinned. Magnus just sighed in defeat and said, "yeah, that tracks."

"I'm done," Thalia raised her hands in exasperation at these boys!

"Hi," I said. "Nice chests—uh, ranch! Nice ranch you have."

"Percy, breaking the rules in one sentence," Will chuckled. "You really are a wonder of your own."

"Thank you," Percy grinned.

Before the three-bodied man could respond, Nico di Angelo came out of the glass doors onto the porch.

Will sighed in relief, he'd already been imagining him trussed up in the basement with fire-breathing feral cats or something.

"Bathroom break," Alex nodded in understanding. "Everybody needs that during a monster chase."

"I got caught by Eurytion who told me I needed to come with him," Nico told them in exasperation. Eurytion had actually offered to just keep on driving, but, well, he'd happily let himself be taken hostage too just like Percy for his own reasons. Huh, he'd never expected to be like Percy in this random way. "I agreed because I'd heard of him and needed to speak about, negotiations," he finished lamely. Nobody pressed him for details, they'd gotten mildly better at suppressing that not to hassle Percy to much, but he could feel their simmering curiosity like milk ready to boil over.

"Geryon, I won't wait for—"

He froze when he saw us. Then he drew his sword.

"See, Nico's breaking the rules too," Percy said with an accusing finger at him like that was the important part of somebody drawing a sword on you.

"It's not a competition Percy," Will sighed, "and Annabeth already started it and won regardless before the quest kicked off."

The blade was just like I'd seen in my dream; short, sharp, and dark as midnight.

Alex gave a very loud, longing sigh and flopped against the side of his couch as he gave Nico a hurt look.

"I don't see why you want to know how I got it so bad," Nico smiled at his theatrics. "You've never tried to find out how Annabeth or Grover got their reed pipes and knife."

"Oh, I will when I meet them," Alex promised. "I'm waiting to ambush Thalia about her shield when I can get a chance that doesn't involve her using it on me."

"If you jump out at me and scream boo, you will get a face full of Aegis," Thalia promised.

"See, bidding my time," Alex said with a very calculating look at Nico, who just chuckled.

Geryon snarled when he saw it. "Put that away, Mr. di Angelo. I ain't gonna have my guests killin' each other."

"But that's—"

"Percy Jackson," Geryon supplied. "Annabeth Chase. And a couple of their monster friends. Yes, I know."

"Monster friends?" Grover said indignantly.

Magnus twiddled his fingers uncomfortably as he wondered how Grover was supposed to be classified.

"That man is wearing three shirts," Tyson said, like he was just realizing this.

"I'd love to meet Tyson just to see what he says about me," Jason chuckled.

"That man is to smart to be this dumb," Percy helpfully supplied.

"I would have told you what he first thought about you, but now you can forget it," Jason huffed.

"No, wait-" Percy began to splutter, but Thalia gave them both sharp smacks to their knees to pay attention.

"They let my sister die!" Nico's voice trembled with rage. "They're here to kill me!"

"One of these things is not like the other," Percy said with a nervous chuckle.

"As opposed to a normal person, who would deny both claims," Alex said, framing his hands around Percy's face as if to capture such ineptitude.

Both Thalia and Percy winced hard, the guilt they felt in Bianca's sacrifice still very raw to be discussed.

"Sorry," Nico whispered again. "I know that was harsh, and not what happened now, and-"

"Nico, I don't blame you," Percy promised at once. If anything he still blamed himself plenty, prophecy be dammed. It was his idea Bianca had run off with. "You were just a kid, haven't you been listening? I really did just want to help!"

Nico gave him an understanding nod, but the dull feeling of pain from still being called a kid by him, the flash of nausea that raced through him when he still remembered what had come out of his mouth the last time he'd talked to Percy about this, and the ensuing pressure he still felt inside every time he heard his sister's name wasn't giving him a very eloquent response.

"Nico, we're not here to kill you." I raised my hands. "What happened to Bianca was—"

"Don't speak her name! You're not worthy to even talk about her!"

"What's the level of worthiness?" Alex was the only one who dared keep talking to him right now in anything resembling a light tone. "Just trying to get a scale on that?"

A flash of anger did burn through him, that this wasn't a joke, but he knew Alex didn't mean it like that. He'd never talked about his sister, he didn't know how.

Silence was his answer, but Alex wasn't deterred. He'd just try another way.

"Wait a minute," Annabeth pointed at Geryon. "How do you know our names?"

"I really stopped questioning that when Medusa did," Magnus shook his head.

The three-bodied man winked. "I make it my business to keep informed, darlin'. Everybody pops into the ranch from time to time. Everyone needs something from ole Geryon. Now, Mr. di Angelo, put that ugly sword away before I have Eurytion take it form you."

"It's not ugly!" Will said with a loud, nervous chuckle, his hands fidgeting around making calming gestures at nobody in here. He kept tickling the hair on the back of Nico's neck, and yet he didn't really have the urge to swat him away.

"Don't worry Will, I don't lose it at every insult," Nico sighed. His need had trumped his grudge for Percy, for the moment. He hoped Bianca had been around watching and smiled at that, he was already trying to live up to her wish without even knowing it.

Eurytion sighed, but he hefted his spiked club.

"I'm getting feelings of discontent," Jason said, sharp eyes clearly wondering if they could play these two against each other.

"What a strange child of Ares," Thalia agreed pleasantly.

At his feet, Orthus growled.

Nico hesitated. He looked thinner and paler than he had in the Irismessages. I wondered if he'd eaten in the last week. His black clothes were dusty from traveling in the Labyrinth, and his dark eyes were full of hate. He was too young to look so angry. I still remembered him as the cheerful little kid who played with Mythomagic cards.

Which hadn't changed much from the moment he'd been flung in here. Percy looked sharply away from him, his mind sucker punching him with guilt and memories he still hadn't tied together on how everything surrounding this kid seemed to have gone wrong.

Nico wanted to deny it. He wanted to summon an army of soldiers and dare anyone to call him weak and sad looking. He didn't want their pity!

But Will sighed, his arm across the back of the couch, his posture open, and exhausted. If Will had been talking to him this whole time out of some kind of pity, he couldn't find it. Alex tweaked his nose and gave him a knowing wink. The idea came across. 'I get it, life sucks.'

Reluctantly, he sheathed his sword. "If you come near me, Percy, I'll summon help. You don't want to meet my helpers, I promise."

"I believe you," I said.

"I really want you to hear what just happened Nico," Thalia chuckled. "This ding-dong has ignored gods, Chiron himself, and his mother every day of his life when she tells him to be safe. You, you he listened to without question."

"You mean putting the fear of death into you wouldn't work?" Percy rolled his eyes at her. He'd listened because he didn't want to try talking to Nico in front of these monsters and they needed to not kill each other until then.

Nico winced with guilt Percy had really believed that of him.

Geryon patted Nico's shoulder. "There, we've all made nice. Now come along, folks. I want to give you a tour of the ranch."

"Is there roasted peanuts involved?" Jason perked up at any mention of a tour.

"Athena set the bar to high," Magnus nodded, "I don't know how this guy is going to compete. I bet he won't even mention a snack bar."

Geryon had a trolley thing—like one of those kiddie trains that take you around zoos. It was painted black and white in a cowhide pattern. The driver's car had a set of longhorns stuck to the hood, and the horn sounded like a cowbell. I figured maybe this was how he tortured people. He embarrassed them to death riding around in the moo-mobile.

"You wouldn't believe how scary that thing can look popping up in the labyrinth," Nico scowled.

Magnus spluttered painfully as he tried to subdue a laugh, shaking his hands and gasping, "sorry! I believe you!" His face was turning red, he was probably signing to stay coherent like Nico actually understood that. "Just imaging that ghost getting freaked out by-" he had to stop and catch his breath.

Nico sighed and chuckled good-naturedly. Will even nodded beside him and said, "well I'm glad, I was worried you were dragged there kicking and screaming. This seems, less, um, bad?"

"I knew who Geryon was and wanted to make a deal," Nico nodded, not enlightening the others Minos had mentioned him as a potential ally. "I can't say I, regret, getting in," he sighed all the same his sister had finally shown up because of this mess. They'd saved a bunch of silly farm animals. There were worse outcomes that could have happened.

Nico sat in the very back, probably so he could keep an eye on us.

"The strategic move," Jason nodded.

"Hey," Percy frowned, "neither of us actually want the other dead!"

"If this wasn't a circular room I'd be staked out in the corner from you nutjobs," Jason smirked.

Eurytion crawled in next to him with his spiked club and pulled his cowboy hat over his eyes like he was going to take a nap. Orthus jumped in the front seat next to Geryon and began barking happily in two-part harmony.

Alex chuckled and very much wondered if he could turn into that dog. Oh the fun he could have.

Annabeth, Tyson, Grover, and I took the middle two cars.

"We have a huge operation!" Geryon boasted as the moo-mobile lurched forward. "Horses and cattle mostly, but all sorts of exotic varieties, too."

"Peacocks?" Magnus asked hopefully.

"Monster peacocks, now we're in business!" Alex agreed. "Oh, x-ray eyes! No, no, they look at you and expose the color of your aura!"

"I immediately regret this," Magnus sighed. For one glorious, childish moment the image of getting in one of those things had made him think of riding that with his mom at the zoo.

We came over a hill, and Annabeth gasped. "Hippalektryons?

"She always says these words with such confidence," Percy grinned. "I want to know where she finds the time to figure out how to say it in the first place while reading about the world."

"I bet she secretly has to practice clapping the syllables for weeks," Magnus offered. "Like dilophosaurus," he said from experience.

"A, dolphin dinosaur?" Percy asked, vaguely recognizing the name.

"It's the dinosaur that could spit poison!" Magnus grinned. "Fun fact, its been proved they actually couldn't do that, let alone had a frill!"

"Oh, how lame," Percy said. He'd loved the t-rex the most, and feared to much saying that out loud in case some god got a wise idea to sick one on his life.

I thought they were extinct!"

"I've only ever heard of them as actual made up animals too," Thalia grinned in surprise. "Like the lock-ness monster back then, used to scare kids into behaving."

"That's adorable," Jason chuckled. Thalia smiled, he probably wouldn't think it was so entertaining if he knew the real monsters that had haunted them as kids.

At the bottom of the hill was a fenced-in pasture with a dozen of the weirdest animals I'd ever seen.

"You have clearly not been at the bottom of the ocean long enough to see a fangtooth fish. They live with dead eyes and you cannot convince me otherwise. Your dads kingdom makes ancient greek monsters look normal," Alex confessed.

Percy's brain flipflopped back and forth between the idea of a fish being scary and Alex knowing a fish he didn't before deciding on moving on.

Each had the front half of a horse and the back half of a rooster. Their rear feet were huge yellow claws. They had feathery tails and red wings. As I watched, two of them got in a fight over a pile of seed. They reared up on their wings at each other until the smaller one galloped away, its rear bird legs putting a little hop in its step.

"That's adorable," Magnus couldn't help but agree with Will's little coo of excitement.

"I wonder if they're strong enough for Tyson to finally get that ride he wants," Percy nodded they weren't the craziest thing.

"Rooster ponies," Tyson said in amazement. "Do they lay eggs?"

"Once a year!" Geryon grinned in the rearview mirror. "Very much in demand for omelettes!"

"That's horrible!" Annabeth said. "They must be an endangered species!"

Geryon waved his hand. "Gold is gold, darling. And you haven't tasted the omelettes."

"Oooh, yeah, I hate him," Alex said in way to calm a voice for someone who was clearly now planning at least one major crime.

Will nibbled on his lip as he tried to offer, "there's clearly some kind of good balance? Ah, he's helping an endangered species stay alive enough to breed at least, that's more than they're getting being extinct? Baby steps?"

"No Will," Alex said in that continued eerie voice. "You don't get to optimistic your way out of this one."

"Right, yeah, I'll get the lighter fluid," Will agreed, and not just because those would be awesome to have around camp.

"That's not right," Grover murmured, but Geryon just kept narrating the tour.

"Now, over here," he said, "we have our fire-breathing horses, which you may have seen on your way in. They're bred for war, naturally."

"What war?" I asked.

"Any war," Jason gave him a strange look. "Sell those to some mortals and they'll just think they have a weirdly awesome murder horse that doesn't get hurt by flamethrowers." He had a funny feeling about this place. He was sure he'd never directly been, but something of this caused an annoying tick in his brain all the same.

"How about we not sit around discussing warfare," Thalia sighed. Considering camp was on the brink of one, it wasn't anyone's favorite subject right now.

Geryon grinned slyly. "Oh, whichever one comes along. And over yonder, of course, are our prize red cows."

Sure enough, hundreds of the cherry-colored cattle were grazing the side of the hill.

"So many," Grover said.

"Yes, well, Apollo is too busy to see them," Geryon explained, "so he subcontracts to us. We breed them vigorously because there's such a demand."

"For what?" I asked.

Geryon raised an eyebrow. "Meat, of course! Armies have to eat."

"Ugh, okay, that's disgusting," Will shivered. That was like eating a piece of his dads car tire. How could someone stomach even the thought of wanting to do that?

"So it's not okay when it's related to your dad?" Alex challenged.

"They're not related to me, that's not what sacred means," Will sighed. "I'm of the opinion you can't stop the world from being evil so you should try to make peace," he defended himself. "I'm also of the opinion this place is lucky it isn't raining plague arrows right now and my dad would not be happy about this so we should absolutely intervene before the whole place is set on fire and all the cute animals suffer. More."

"A compromise I won't ignore," Alex nodded.

"You kill the sacred cows of the sun god for hamburger meat?" Grover said. "That's against ancient laws!"

"And clearly nothing bad has happened to him," Percy muttered, his mind still on Chiron's dire warning about how many people were on this quest.

Jason still looked a little grumpy nobody had dumped an ancient library on his head so he could be studying all of this in depth like a psychopath.

"Oh, don't get so worked up, satyr. They're just animals."

"Anybody who ever says that deserves to be fed to animals," Thalia shook her head in disgust. "You know who never says that! Farmers who actually care and understand the balance and the welfare of what an animal needs in life!"

"How many black market animal traders have you guys shish kabobed?" Alex asked eagerly.

"Quite a few," Thalia said proudly, popping the collar of her silver jacket. "Stories I will proudly share."

Alex actually began rubbing his hands in excitement.

"Just animals!"

"Yes, and if Apollo cared, I'm sure he would tell us."

"If he knew," I muttered.

"The fact that he doesn't know is kind of getting to me right now," Nico admitted.

"Welcome to my world," Jason agreed. He'd lost track of what the gods did and didn't know and he was about to start making a list just to satisfy his peace of mind.

Nico sat forward. "I don't care about any of this, Geryon. We had business to discuss, and this wasn't it!"

"You are now the definition of someone who needs to stop and smell the roses," Magnus told him sympathetically. He'd been living a hard life and needed some fun, like a cute animal ride through a nice farm. Just not this one.

"Hard pass," Nico turned his nose up just because of his stepmother though.

"All in good time, Mr. di Angelo. Look over here; some of my exotic game."

"You were half right last time on the birds," Alex grinned at Magnus. "Going to take another shot?"

"I couldn't guess what was in there in a million years," he reminded.

The next field was ringed in barbed wire. The whole area was crawling with giant scorpions.

Causing the others to burst out laughing hard while Magnus threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Triple G Ranch," I said, suddenly remembering. "Your mark was on the crates at camp. Quintus got his scorpions from you."

"Quintus..." Geryon mused. "Short gray hair, muscular, swordsman?"

"Yeah."

"Never heard of him," Geryon said.

"Uhhu," Jason frowned, "and I'm a child of Neptune."

"We look nothing alike," Percy looked around in confusion. "Thalia could pass that off better."

"Yeah, because that's the weird part of what I said," Jason snorted.

"Could you two stay on one topic for five seconds," Thalia sighed.

"Well it's not like we know any more about Geryon or Quintus from this," Jason sighed. "So he bought some scorpions from a questionable ranch. The guy obviously gets around and wanted to impress the camp with a cool monster, and this is the kind of guy, um, monster who would sell his grandma for a penny. I'm not sold on anything."

"I'm now concerned this is where he got Mrs. O'Leary from though," Alex frowned. "Does he have a puppy mill somewhere in the back I am not going to like?"

"Let's just wait and see how this plays out," Thalia said. She honestly didn't know, though Annabeth had promised this place was being run by Eurytion and it was much better now so she hadn't gone to visit herself when she heard these atrocities. She didn't want Percy thinking to much ahead and remembering that though, let alone any other details, so was more than happy to keep them moving along.

"Now, over here are my prize stables! You must see them."

I didn't need to see them, because as soon as we got within three hundred yards I started to smell them. Near the banks of a green river was a horse corral the size of a football field.

Thalia smacked Percy with a very annoyed eye roll. "That field gets bigger every time this story gets told by the way. Last time I was around Camp, it was the size of Olympus."

Percy rubbed his arm with a confused smile. Hopefully all his friends hadn't died a very manly death on the dude ranch if it was a popular tale.

 Stables lined one side of it. About a hundred horses were milling around in the muck—and when I say muck, I mean horse poop. It was the most disgusting thing I'd ever seen, like a poop blizzard had come through and dumped four feet of the stuff overnight. The horses were really gross from wading through it, and the stables were just as bad. It reeked like you would not believe—worse than the garbage boats on the East River.

Jason gagged at just the thought and covered up his nose. Alex, Magnus, and Nico had woken up in the worst of smelling places and still couldn't come close to imagining how the stench of that must have been vomit inducing, eye watering, disgusting beyond all words.

"You haven't been involuntarily shoved into a bathroom in this one yet," Thalia was waving her hand in front of her face like the book was letting out such an odor now. "I hope there's one handy around."

For once Percy couldn't even be annoyed at them for making that joke, if anybody needed a massive toilet it was those poor creatures.

Even Nico gagged. "What is that?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked, clearly hurt. "You think I go around sniffing corpses for fun?"

"You'd had this look on your face the whole time like I was about to start hacking pieces off of you," Percy said, a touch guilty, a little defensive. "Sorry to see you have a normal reaction to something."

He huffed and muttered but didn't protest further.

"My stables!" Geryon said. "Well, actually they belong to Aegas,

"Your shield owns horses?" Percy asked blankly.

"Aegas means cloaked, protection, and is most commonly associated with the word Zeus," Thalia shrugged.

"Oh, good, so it's not just Apollo who's prized animals are being mistreated. Equal opportunity and all that," Percy sighed.

but we watch over them for a small monthly fee. Aren't they lovely?"

"They're disgusting!" Annabeth said.

"Lots of poop," Tyson observed.

"The only takeaway we need from this place, as always, is delivered best by Tyson," Will sighed.

"How can you keep animals like that?" Grover cried.

"Y'all getting' on my nerves," Geryon said.

"Did he expect cheers and applause for these animals swimming in their own feces?" Magnus scowled. Horses he did like, and even if this was a pack of wolves, this was the definition of an inhumane environment.

"I hope he still does when I throw him in the nearest portapotty," Alex scowled.

"These are flesh-eating horses, see? They like these conditions."

"I'm not going to believe this guy," Magnus huffed. "Who knew a monster with three chests was heartless!"

Percy winced and gave him a strange look, but his vision went blurry and his headache didn't allow him a second of thought to wonder why.

"Plus, you're too cheap to have them cleaned," Eurytion mumbled from under his hat.

"Quiet!" Geryon snapped.

"Ooo, trouble in the dude paradise," Jason said with interest.

Percy let out a painful gasp and began rubbing at his forehead at that bouncing around his skull next, and Thalia placed a calming hand on his shoulder and a stern look at Magnus to finish.

"All right, perhaps the stables are a bit challenging to clean. Perhaps they do make me nauseous when the wind blows the wrong way. But so what? My clients still pay me well."

"Anything for that bottom line huh?" Percy asked with enough disgust to have his own manure heap packed in.

"What clients?" I demanded.

"Oh, you'd be surprised how many people will pay for a flesh-eating horse. They make great garbage disposals. Wonderful way to terrify your enemies. Great at birthday parties! We rent them out all the time."

"I find that very hard to believe, nobody would go near enough to this thing to be eaten by it, the way they smelled," Nico scoffed.

"Do monsters have birthday parties?" Magnus asked in surprise.

Alex doubled over laughing while Will grinned faintly in surprise. "I thought he meant mortal torture fests with kids mysteriously vanishing, but um, yeah Magnus, maybe." 

"Monsters call in a celebration with beer and flesh-eating horses every time they come back?" Jason said ambiguously, with a very raised brow.

"I bet the invite list is really short notice," Percy chuckled along.

"I'll make it my mission to get on more," Thalia smirked, she and Percy high-fiving at the level of gatecrashing that would soon be involved if this was a thing.

"You're a monster," Annabeth decided.

Geryon stopped the moo-mobile and turned to look at her. "What gave it away? Was it the three bodies?"

"I try to overlook minor things like that," Percy scowled. "It was his shitty personality!"

"You have to let these animals go," Grover said. "It's not right!"

"And the clients you keep talking about," Annabeth said. "You work for Kronos, don't you? You're supplying his army with horses, food, whatever they need."

Geryon shrugged, which was very weird since he had three sets of shoulders. It looked like he was doing the wave all by himself.

Percy watched as those around him gave grudging laughs for that visual while their stomachs sank at finding an answer to a question they didn't have. Magnus had never sat around and assumed monsters needed to eat to stay alive like 'normal' animals and people, they just existed and chose to. Alex had sort of been assuming the Titan of Time could just make money appear at will for whatever he needed.

To hear that there was some kind of financial backer to all of this made it much more real, a new level to a threat they already had plenty of fear in without all of that.

"I work for anyone with gold, young lady. I'm a businessman. And I sell them anything I have to offer."

He climbed out of the moo-mobile and strolled toward the stables as if enjoying the fresh air. It would've been a nice view, with the river and the trees and hills and all,

Jason raised a disbelieving brow at the mention of a river in sight. Percy had once nearly flooded his own camp with one after a tiff with Thalia, where was that temper drowning Geryon now at all of this? He found himself impressed Percy seemed to grow up a little more every book, find a little more self control in him.

except for the quagmire of horse muck.

Nico got out of the back car and stormed over to Geryon. The cowherd Eurytion wasn't as sleepy as he looked. He hefted his club and walked after Nico.

"He could have at least left the club in the moo-machine," Will muttered, "you hadn't drawn your sword again."

Nico gave him a surprised smile, the sense of feeling his arm on the back of the couch had faded to a comfortable presence he was still getting used to.

"I came here for business, Geryon," Nico said. "And you haven't answered me."

"Mmm." Geryon examined a cactus. His left arm reached over and scratched his middle-chest. "Yes, you'll get a deal, all right."

"You haven't even told us how you were paying for the Happy Meals?" Alex asked. "How were you going to pay this guy for anything?"

"I was working on that," Nico said, doing well to keep the childish note out of his voice to hide he had no clue. He'd been basically making this up as he went along from Minos's outline.

"My ghost told me you could help. He said you could guide us to the soul we need."

"Wait a second," I said. "I thought I was the soul you wanted."

Nico looked at me like I was crazy. "You? Why would I want you? Bianca's soul is worth a thousand of yours!

Percy startled in surprise, and then smiled of all things. "That is the best reason I've ever heard for someone not wanting my soul!"

"You're, welcome," Nico muttered in surprise. He still kept expecting Thalia to launch a thousand questions at him over what he was doing, somebody to scold him and be disgusted he'd been willing to do this at all.

For now, it was just Percy touching his chest and smiling, and that was enough to not feel rejected again.

Now, can you help me, Geryon, or not?"

"Oh, I imagine I could," the rancher said. "Your ghost friend, by the way, where is he?"

Nico looked uneasy. "He can't form in broad daylight. It's hard for him. But he's around somewhere."

Geryon smiled. "I'm sure. Minos

"Minos?" Five people yelped so loud it seemed to echo to the walls and back again several times. The only person who hadn't was Thalia, and she looked plenty displeased anyways.

"The evil eyed, pointy beard king who locks people up is your tour guide!" Alex's hands were clearly itching for his garotte. "He needs to be killed properly, stat! Then we'll find the dumbass who didn't kill him properly the first time and do them next!"

Percy had Riptide drawn, the cap of his pen dancing innocently on the floor between his shoes as he sat in place but still looked ready to stab something. "I can't believe you ran away from camp to take advice from-"

There was all that anger Nico had long since been expecting, and his hackles instantly raised. "I didn't ask your opinion on this, or need it thrown in my face! Can you not shut it and just get through this!"

Percy opened his mouth in outrage, he was upset Nico was being manipulated! But the tension of the water was already building around them, and only a gentle clearing of Thalia's throat needed to be heard for now to remind him to clench his jaw shut. This had already happened, and if Nico didn't want to hear his opinion on something, then he should probably accept that lest the kid blurt out any more life confessions as he slowly bent to put the cap of his pen back over his sword.

likes to disappear when things get...difficult."

"Minos?" I remembered the man I'd seen in my dreams, with the golden crown, the pointed beard, and the cruel eyes. "You mean that evil king? That's the ghost who's been giving you advice?"

"It's none of your business, Percy!" Nico turned back to Geryon. "And what do you mean about things getting difficult?"

The three-bodied man sighed. "Well, you see, Nico—can I call you Nico?"

"No."

"You see, Nico,

"He needs to die. Like a lot," Alex scowled. He took nothing more personally than assholes who misgendered, misnamed, or bragged about being a douche.

"In more ways than you know," Nico said with a very satisfied smile for Alex, though neither of them spoke to loudly in case Percy took a hint as he scowled and still held his pen in hand like Minos was still creeping around in here.

Luke Castellan is offering very good money for halfbloods. Especially powerful half-bloods. And I'm sure when he learns your little secret, who you really are, he'll pay very, very well indeed."

Will made such a deep throated noise it actually sounded like a growl. Kids shouldn't be sold around like cattle! And Nico was more than just a powerful bargaining chip!

Nico was already feeling bad for his outburst at Percy, and realizing Will was actually upset on his behalf too made him feel even worse. "Sorry, Percy," he offered, not expecting Percy to accept it. "I, um-"

"It's cool," Percy shrugged with not a chip in sight. "I'm glad you like me better than the creep who would actually sell your soul."

"It's a thin margin," he grinned faintly in surprise while Percy immediately smiled back.

Nico drew his sword, but Eurytion knocked it out of his hand. Before I could get up, Orthus pounced on my chest and growled, his faces an inch away from mine.

Thalia's bow appeared in hand on instinct, no one in doubt she would have shot both of those heads without hesitation, and everyone in the room was starting to feel a little short of breath at all three of these guys finding themselves on edge. Their very presence overlapping each other made the molecules feel more volatile all of a sudden.

"I would stay in the car, all of you," Geryon warned. "Or Orthus will tear Mr. Jackson's throat out. Now, Eurytion, if you would be so kind, secure Nico."

The cowherd spit into the grass. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you fool!"

Eurytion looked bored, but he wrapped one huge arm around Nico and lifted him up like a wrestler.

Jason's hand clenched into such a tight fist it looked like his veins were spidery arcs trying to pop out of his arm. Like this maniac had no weapon except a weird gold coin and was willing to deck someone anyways. Magnus kept reading in the tense silence and hoped wanting to finish it wasn't a last-minute life goal as he shoved down his fight or flight instinct.

"Pick up the sword, too," Geryon said with distaste. "There's nothing I hate worse than Stygian Iron."

"So does that make it the absolute perfect weapon to kill him with?" Alex asked with could-not-fool a soul innocence. "Or are we supposed to find a way to kill him with money? I'm open to suggestions." The 'whatever it takes to get this guy dead,' went without saying.

"We can always start a list and just play around to see what works," Jason said in a very eerie kind of way, and Thalia's bow vanished as she looked at him in concern. She didn't disagree Geryon needed to die like any monster, but she did not like that cruel edge he got in his tone for it.

Eurytion picked up the sword, careful not to touch the blade.

"Now," Geryon said cheerfully, "we've had the tour. Let's go back to the lodge, have some lunch, and send an Iris-message to our friends in the Titan army."

"You fiend!" Annabeth cried.

Geryon smiled at her. "Don't worry, my dear. Once I've delivered Mr. di Angelo, you and your party can go. I don't interfere with quests. Besides, I've been paid well to give you safe passage, which does not, I'm afraid, include Mr. di Angelo.

"Paid by who?" Magnus yelped in surprise.

"Paid by whom?" Annabeth said.

"It's the correct grammar that really makes that sentence feel off," Magnus admitted, fighting off a grudging laugh.

"It's the fact that he's not going to answer that makes me not care," Percy scoffed.

"Well I sure do," Will's scowl seemed scarier the longer it lingered, all of the light in the room seemed to be sucking right towards him. "Who's paying for just some kids to get through and not all of them? Sorry Percy, you know I care about you, but I'm not okay with that!"

"Neither am I," Percy promised at once. "You really think I'll sit by and let that happen?" He asked casually, like he was asking Will what he had for lunch.

Will seemed mildly soothed by the reminder all the same, though the light went back to normal in the room with a little popping noise. Nico swallowed more shame and anger he'd needed help to get out of this. He'd survived in that labyrinth for months by himself. Percy had come around once, and he was back to being a useless kid.

"What do you mean?"

"Never you mind, darlin'.

Percy decided whatever bits he hacked Geryon into weren't small enough just for calling Annabeth that.

Let's be off, shall we?"

"Wait!" I said, and Orthus growled. I stayed perfectly still so he wouldn't tear my throat out. "Geryon, you said you're a businessman. Make me a deal."

Percy always knew he was doing something right when everybody looked at him in surprise like that. He smiled and fought off the urge to gag at the stench of dog breath still hot in his face.

Geryon narrowed his eyes. "What sort of deal? Do you have gold?"

"I've got something better. Barter."

"But Mr. Jackson, you've got nothing."

"You could have him clean the stables," Eurytion suggested innocently.

"I'll do it!" I said. "If I fail, you get all of us. Trade us all to Luke for gold."

"Assuming the horses don't eat you," Geryon observed.

"Either way, you get my friends," I said. "But if I succeed, you've got to let all of us go, including Nico."

"No!" Nico screamed. "Don't do me any favors, Percy. I don't want your help!"

"You didn't have to do that," Nico said again, more confused than he even had been to Will before. "I, wouldn't have helped Luke. I would have gotten out on my own, I work fine on my own."

"I would have done it for anybody Nico," Percy gave him a bizarre look for saying that at all. "I don't try to help you just because I feel guilty about your sister. You know that, right?"

"Right, yeah, I'm um, getting that," Nico promised awkwardly. He'd spent so long being mad at Percy and then so long avoiding him and then stuck here for what felt like an infernal lifetime now he probably didn't have a choice at this rate but to get used to him.

Geryon chuckled. "Percy Jackson, those stables haven't been cleaned in a thousand years...

"Hercules did it last time I believe," Will offered in some weird semblance of a peace offering and something nice to say while everybody was being held hostage now. "So it's not undoable."

"Great, let's see how I do a remix on that," Percy frowned anew, never pleased to hear his name again.

though it's true I might be able to sell more stable space if all that poop was cleared away."

"So what have you got to lose?"

The rancher hesitated. "All right, I'll accept your offer, but you have to get it done by sunset. If you fail, your friends get sold, and I get rich."

"Deal."

He nodded. "I'm going to take your friends with me, back to the lodge. We'll wait for you there."

"Err," Magnus really hoped he was just missing something in what he'd just read. Was that whole swearing on the Styx thing required to be said out loud? Because he didn't think this hillbilly dude to be a man of his word.

Percy looked so agitated though he decided not to bring it up, considering nobody had lost an eardrum yet to this latest debacle.

Eurytion gave me a funny look. It might have been sympathy.

"If this comes down to a vote, at least he'll be on your side whether the law agrees or not," Jason said.

"Seriously dude, are you like, in pre lawyer school or something?" Percy burst out in surprised laughter.

"I like to consider myself a good judge of character and taking in the terrain," Jason grinned.

He whistled, and the dog jumped off me and onto Annabeth's lap. She yelped. I knew Tyson and Grover would never try anything as long as Annabeth was hostage.

I got out of the car and locked eyes with her.

"I hope you know what you're doing," she said quietly.

"I hope so, too."

"I hope so three," Thalia groaned. Here once again was Percy putting everything on the line in hopes he knew what he was doing. Good thing that always worked out or the world would be doomed.

Geryon got behind the driver's wheel. Eurytion hauled Nico into the backseat.

"Sunset," Geryon reminded me. "No later."

He laughed at me once more, sounded his cowbell horn, and the moo-mobile rumbled off down the trail.

"That is a weirdly menacing sentence," Magnus groaned as he began to hand the book to Alex. "I am sorry for laughing about that earlier Nico, and not just because Annabeth is in it now."

"Circumstances matter," Nico agreed nonchalantly.

[panelshowsource]

UPDATES: 📖books📖 on googledrive, panelist collection additions, misc. uploads

hello again everyone :) apologies for the long post incoming, but there is some fun new content on the googledrive i'd like to share!

—

with quite a few books coming out and quite a few requests in my inbox for some comedians' writing, i've put most of my personal ebook & audiobook collection on google drive!

you can find the link on the secondary masterpost here under books :)

on drive, you'll be able to browse by author or by book type:

some books are available in both formats while others are ebook or audiobook only. i renamed all of the files so they should show up chronologically per author + audiobook files names will also show who is narrating:

(bob & sally💙)

note: nearly all of the ebooks are in epub format and nearly all of the audiobooks are in m4b format, both of which will automatically open in apple books, google play books, adobe digital, calibre, etc. — whatever is default on your device. you shouldn't have any issues with these files, but in case you do you can use the following website to convert the epub to pdf or m4b to mp3 (totally free and very fast!)

it's not a very big collection — about 50 books — but hopefully this will help anyone who wants to take a further plunge into their fave comedians :) enjoy!

—

as i mentioned earlier this month, i started rolling out panelist "collection" folders, which include not only the panel show episodes someone has appeared on but also deeper cuts and content like radio sitcoms/dramas, non-panel show light entertainment, late night appearances, podcasts, audiobooks, and more!

while i don't plan to upload every last piece of content in the world to a panelist's collection, i know how convenient it would be if nearly everything was in one place, so along with the files you'll find in a folder there is also a docx file with additional working links:

even though these collections still aren't "complete", at least they're closer to complete lol i have added these docs for alex horne, joe wilkinson, john kearns, and vcm! i'll continue adding to these docs when i can

i got requests for collections for david & victoria, mike wozniak, and nish, so i'll keep working on those!

—

new content on the masterposts:

new buzzcocks

new rhod gilbert's growing pains

no more jockeys — complete series

standup from frankie boyle & hal cruttenden

audiobook 'egg and soldiers' by damien trench (main character of in and out of the kitchen) (read by miles jupp)

—

WATCH LINKS MASTERPOST / FAQ / TAGS / ASK

[atlfics]

Stuck in the Cycle- All Time Low Fanfiction

Alex doesn't act like himself on a night out with friends. Word Count: 5546

TW: Mentions of depression, suicide (very brief), and alcohol.

More notes at the end.

“Hey, are you getting Alex on the way? He told me that his car was acting up,” Rian told Jack through FaceTime. 

“Yeah, I can. I think his car has been messed up for a while, but he hasn’t gone to get it fixed for some reason,” Jack replied, taking his phone with him as he went to freshen up in the bathroom. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with it, I haven’t had a chance to ask him. Maybe the repair costs a lot or something,”

“Maybe, but I feel like he’s typically more on top of things like that, especially since he only gets to drive when we’re not on tour. Anyway, I’m going to let you go so I can finish getting ready, so I can pick up Alex, and we can meet you all at the bar. See you soon, dude,” Jack said, setting his phone down on the bathroom counter. 

“Okay, see you in a little bit. Tonight’s going to be awesome!” Rian exclaimed, before ending the call. 

Jack quickly washed his face and brushed his teeth, wanting to feel a little more put together before going out for the night. It was the night of Black Friday, which meant that everyone from high school was home, bored in their childhood bedrooms, desperate for something to do. Jack, and the rest of the band, had been put into a huge group chat with several friends and acquaintances from their graduating class, and plans had been made to meet up at the best local bar on the main strip. Jack was incredibly excited for tonight, he hadn’t seen some of the people who were supposed to be there in several years, largely due to All Time Low’s touring schedule not lining up well with the typical academic calendar. 

Rian and Zack seemed to be just as excited, they had been texting back and forth with Jack all week about the plans they had tonight. Alex, on the other hand, had been pretty quiet since these plans were made. He hadn’t said a word in the big group chat with all their peers, and he’d hardly communicated with Jack at all in the past couple of weeks. Jack figured that this was because Alex was taking advantage of being at home and off the road; Alex was probably spending time with family, and trying to build a routine to feel some sense of normalcy. It wasn’t super uncommon for Alex to fall off the grid following a long tour, but this time felt a bit different to Jack, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. Maybe Alex was being less responsive than usual, maybe he was dodging any invitations to hang out with Jack, and the rest of the band. Still, Jack didn’t want to make any unfair assumptions, he knew that tour was always hard on Alex, and that his friend needed his time to regroup once arriving home. 

“Lookin’ good!” Jack exclaimed, as he studied his appearance in the mirror. 

Deciding he was satisfied with how he looked, he went into his bedroom for his wallet and car keys, then went out to his garage. Jack turned his car on, then put the volume on his stereo up almost as loud as it could go, smiling as his favorite Blink-182 song came on the radio. As he drove, Jack sang along to his radio, smiling the whole time out of excitement. 

Eventually, Jack turned down Alex’s street, and pulled into Alex’s driveway. Alex was sitting on his front step, looking down at his phone. Jack lightly tapped his horn to get Alex’s attention, then made sure turned his stereo down, so he’d be able to actually converse with his friend. Alex jumped at the horn, but got up and slowly made his way over to Jack’s car. Jack was concerned as he watched Alex walk over to his car, it almost looked like he was swaying as he walked. Eventually, Alex finally made it to Jack’s car, and opened the door before taking a seat. The smell of alcohol immediately hit Jack, it was so strong that he had to stifle a cough from getting choked up. 

“Hey, Jack, what’s up?” Alex asked, his words slightly slurring together as he struggled to put his seatbelt on. 

“Hey, Alex, are you, um, are you okay? You seem a little-“

“I had a couple shots of liquor before you got here, if that’s what you’re asking me,” Alex interrupted, unable to contain his alcohol-induced laughter. 

“You’re saying that only a couple of shots did this to you? Your tolerance is crazy high,” Jack pointed out, slowly starting to back out of Alex’s driveway. 

“They were big shots, dude. I, um, wanted to loosen up a bit for tonight, y’know?”

“I’m surprised, most of the people we’re seeing tonight were closest to you. Are you, like, nervous to see them?”

“You could say that. Sorry that you don’t get to pregame since you’re driving,”

“It’s fine, I probably won’t get too crazy, since I’ll have to drive you home at the end of the night. Do you want me to just take you back to your place later?” Jack asked, finally starting to block out the intense smell of alcohol that was on Alex. 

“Yeah, you can take me back here after; I know you’ve probably got things to do,” Alex replied, avoiding looking at Jack. 

“I mean, tomorrow afternoon, yeah, but not in the middle of the night. I just wanted to ask, to see if you’d want to hang out after or something,”

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll probably want to go home, but thanks for the offer” Alex continued, his words starting to sound more slurred again. 

Jack was worried, this was weird behavior for Alex. They had been friends for so many years, and in those years, Jack had never seen Alex so distant and uninterested in spending time with him. Jack couldn’t help but wonder if he’d done something wrong that upset his friend, but wondered how he could’ve done anything, considering he’d hardly seen or communicated with Alex in weeks. The rest of the drive was awkwardly silent, Alex looked out his window, and Jack tried to focus on the song that was faintly playing from his speakers, rather than the silence they were sitting in. Eventually, Jack finally pulled into the parking lot behind the bar and was able to score a spot close to the front door. 

“We made it! Are you ready to go in?” Jack asked, turning off his car. 

“Yeah, I think so. Thanks for coming to get me, man, you’re a great friend,” Alex replied, flashing a smile at Jack before getting out of the car. 

Alex was a bit unsteady on his feet, but Jack knew that Alex could handle himself, so he just followed closely behind as Alex led the way into the bar. The rest of the band, plus everyone from the group chat, was sitting at a table in the middle of the bar. Everyone started waving at Jack and Alex, and motioning for them to come over to the table, but Alex went straight over to the bar. Jack shook his head, and went over to the table, deciding that Alex could find his way over to the table himself. 

“Hey, Jack, what’s up?” Rian asked, as Jack took one of the two seats at the end of the table that had been saved for Alex and himself. 

“I’m good, I’m excited to see everyone!” Jack exclaimed, earning smiles from everyone at the table. 

“Where’d Alex go?” Zack asked, looking up from the drink menu. 

“He went over to the bar; I guess he couldn’t wait for a server to come over here,” Jack said, forcing a laugh to hide his concern for his friend.

“He must be ready to party!” Rian said, trying to help as he sensed Jack’s uneasiness. 

Jack quickly changed the subject, and started a conversation with the rest of the table. He was concerned about Alex, but he wanted to enjoy his night out, at least for a little bit, so he decided that his concern could wait for a few rounds of drinks and good conversations to go by first. After a few minutes, Alex came over to the table, two drinks in hand, as he took a seat next to Jack at the end of the table. 

“Damn, you’re double fisting? We’re in for a wild night!” Zack exclaimed, eyeing Alex’s drinks. 

“Yeah, something like that,” Alex replied, forcing a smile as he quickly downed half of one of his drinks. 

Alex began talking to everyone else at the table, finishing both drinks in a record time. By the time the waitress had come over to take Jack’s first drink order, Alex was ordering his third. As Alex continued to talk, his speech became more slurred, his face became more flushed, and his voice got louder. Jack knew that Alex was already very drunk, but he wasn’t sure why; Alex normally paced himself much better than this. 

“Hey, Jack, come to the bar with me,” Rian said, getting up from his seat. 

“Come to the bar? We can just wait for the waitress to come back over here,” Jack replied, making Rian roll his eyes. 

“Jack, just come with me for a minute,”

Jack looked over to Alex, he was in the middle of telling a tour story to one of their high school friends, slurring and laughing obnoxiously as he spoke. Taking a deep breath, Jack stood up, and followed Rian over to the bar. 

“So, why did we have to come all the way over here when we could’ve just waited for the waitress to come back to order a drink?” Jack asked, grabbing a drink menu from the bar. 

Rian snatched the menu from Jack’s hands, leaving Jack very confused. 

“I didn’t bring you over here to order a drink, I brought you over here so we could talk about Alex. What the fuck is going on with him? I haven’t seen him this bombed in years,” 

“Yeah, he’s wasted. When I picked him up, he reeked of booze, and he told me that he was a couple shots in. He was slurring and flushed like he is now when I got him,”

“I mean, I understand wanting to party, but Alex is never like this. At least, he hasn’t been in years. I don’t know, I guess it just concerns me a bit to see him like this,”

Jack took a deep breath as he crossed his arms over his chest. He thought back, he hadn’t seen Alex like this since they were all in their early twenties, why did he decide tonight was the night to get so messed up?

“I’m concerned, too. I mean, when I got him, I was stunned to see him like that. When he used to drink like this, it was usually because there was something going on in his head. I wonder if that could be it tonight?” Jack pointed out, thinking out loud. 

“Maybe, but I thought he was doing better with that stuff. Like, I know he used to really struggle with that, but I didn’t think that it was really a problem anymore,” Rian continued. 

“Well, those kinds of issues can become easier to deal with over time, but they don’t, like, go away, y’know?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Are you going to talk with him about that?”

“I can, but I’m not going to tonight. He’s so trashed, if I try to have this conversation with him, he’s either going to shut down, or get pissed at me. Also, I don’t really want to force him to talk about this; I don’t want him to suffer in silence, but I think he needs to be the one to start the conversation,” Jack explained, playing with the sleeve of his shirt. 

“Okay, whatever you think is best. I just hate seeing him like this,”

Before Jack could reply, Alex staggered over to the bar, leaning on chairs and the wall to stabilize himself. 

“You guys have been gone forever! What’s taking so long? Is there a long line of people?” Alex asked, putting his hand on Jack’s shoulder to maintain his balance. 

Jack winced, catching a strong whiff of alcohol from Alex. He put his hand on Alex’s shoulder, wanting to make sure that Alex didn’t lose his balance and fall over. 

“Um, yeah, there were a few people in front of us, but it’s almost our turn. Honestly, I might not get anything,” Jack replied, making Alex roll his eyes. 

“You’re not going to get anything? That’s lame, dude! Well, I’m going to get something, be right there,” 

Alex carefully made his way over to where the bartender was, and started to order. Rain looked over to Jack, his eyebrows raised in concern, and Jack put his head in his hands, his worry for his friend increasing. A couple minutes later, Alex walked over to his friends, with a drink in each hand. 

“Two drinks, dude? Don’t you maybe want to slow down a bit?” Jack gently suggested, hoping his comment wouldn’t upset his friend. 

“Hey man, I came out here to party and have a good time! I’ll be fine, besides, you’re driving!” Alex exclaimed, starting to stagger back to the table. 

Jack quickly caught up to Alex, putting a hand on his shoulder to help him stay balanced and upright. When they arrived at the table, Jack could see concerned looks on some of their friends faces, and couldn’t help but feel embarrassed for Alex. This wasn’t who Alex was, and Jack wasn’t sure what was going on with his friend. After helping Alex back into his seat, Jack sat back down, sipping on his drink as he listened to his friends tell stories about college and their jobs. Jack was happy to hear that his high school friends had found so much happiness and success for themselves; he couldn’t imagine being that happy from continuing with school, but he was happy for his friends nonetheless. 

As everyone shared stories, Alex ordered a couple more drinks; Jack was surprised that the waitress was still serving Alex, considering how far gone he was now. After an hour had gone by, Jack decided that he needed to get Alex home. Jack was fairly certain that Alex was blackout drunk at this point, and he didn’t want Alex to say or do anything he’d regret, so he got up, and walked over to Alex’s seat. 

“Hey, dude, let’s get out of here, it’s getting late,” Jack said, as Alex slowly turned his head to face Jack. 

“Late? Dude, it’s only ten-thirty! I haven’t been ready to end the night this early in a long time!” Alex exclaimed, probably unaware of how loudly he was talking. 

“Nah, it’s not that early! Come on, it’ll probably take us forever to get home with the traffic,” Jack continued, pulling at straws to come up with an excuse to get Alex to go with him. 

“Hm, well, I guess you’re right. I’d hate to be stuck on the road for a long time in the middle of the night,” Alex said, slowly coming to his feet with Jack’s help. 

Alex said goodbye to his friends at the table, slurring his words and swaying on his feet. Jack guided Alex outside, and over to his car. After helping Alex into the passenger seat and with his seatbelt, Jack went over to the driver’s side and turned on the car. 

“Jack, are you taking me back to my house?” Alex asked, closing his eyes and leaning his head on the headrest. 

“I can, if you want. I can also stay the night with you, or take you to my place, what do you want me to do?” Jack asked, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“Um can we go to your house? Only if it’s not too much of an inconvenience for you,  I don’t want to be a huge burden,” Alex continued, his voice starting to sound raspy from the loud talking he’d done all night. 

“You wouldn’t be a burden at all, dude. We can go to my house, do you need to get anything from your place on the way?”

“That’s way too much work, dude, I don’t need anything that badly. Let’s just go to your place,”

“Okay, we’ll do that,”

Jack started in the direction of his house, turning the radio up a bit to fill the silence. Alex kept to himself, silently staring out the window for the entire drive home. There wasn’t much traffic on the road, it was still fairly early in the evening, so it didn’t take long for Jack to get from the bar parking lot to his driveway. Once Jack had parked and turned his car off, he turned to look at Alex, who was staring off into space with a small smile on his face. 

“Hey, we’re here now, man,” Jack said, pulling Alex back to reality. 

“Oh shit, that was fast! Did you speed or something?” Alex asked, laughing as he unbuckled his seatbelt. 

“No, there just wasn’t any traffic. Were you even paying attention as I drove?”

Jack laughed as he opened his door and stepped out of the car, and walked over to Alex’s side. 

“I thought I did, but I guess not. Shit, I have to get up now,” Alex said, sighing at his realization. 

“Yes, you do if you want to get inside to go to sleep. Do you need some help up and to the door?”

“No, I think I can manage,”

Alex swung his body around so that his feet were outside of the car, flat on the ground. He placed his hands on the sides of the doorframe, bracing himself so he could stand. Alex used what felt like all of his upper body strength to push up to standing, but almost immediately lost his footing, starting to stumble. Jack instinctively reached out to grab one of Alex’s arms, barely stopping his friend from falling onto the ground. 

“You saved me!” Alex exclaimed, laughing as he regained his footing. 

“Yeah, something like that. Come on, let’s get inside,” Jack replied, holding Alex upright as they walked from Jack’s car to the front door.

Jack quickly unlocked the door, then brought Alex into the living room, setting him down on the couch. 

“Dude, this couch is so comfy! I think I forgot how great it is!” Alex stated, immediately laying down and propping his head up with a couple of Jack’s throw pillows. 

“I’m glad you’re comfortable, but let’s take your shoes off, man. Also, let me get you some real pillows and a blanket so you can sleep comfortably,” Jack said, walking over to Alex’s feet and removing his shoes. 

“Wait, are you trying to sleep now? The night’s just getting started, Jack!” Alex exclaimed, as Jack set Alex’s shoes on the ground next to the couch. 

“Well, you don’t have to sleep yet if you don’t want to, I just want to get everything ready for you. Sit tight, I’ll be right back,”

Jack left Alex on the couch, and went into his guest room. He grabbed two pillows off the bed, along with the comforter, then went back out to the living room. Alex’s eyes were now closed, and he was snoring lightly, much to Jack’s amusement. Jack shook his head and laughed as he covered Alex with the comforter, then gently propped his head up to make room for the pillows. 

“Jack, I might be ready to sleep now,” Alex muttered, his words hard to understand from the slurring and sleepiness. 

“I can see that, dude. Don’t worry about it, get some sleep, we can hang out tomorrow morning,” Jack replied, as Alex snuggled into the new blanket. 

“Sounds good. Hey, thanks for driving me and helping me tonight, I appreciate it,”

“No problem, Alex, I’m glad we could go out with everyone, it was fun,”

“Yeah, it was. Tonight was the first night that I’ve felt really good in a while,” Alex admitted, too intoxicated and tired to even realize what he was saying. 

Hearing this concerned Jack, he wanted to know what Alex meant by this, but he knew that right now wasn’t the time to ask. Alex was too far gone to have anything of a coherent conversation, waiting until tomorrow morning was the smartest thing Jack could do at this point. 

“That’s good, man. If you need anything, text me, or come find me, okay?”

“Will do. See you in the morning,” Alex replied, yawning as he spoke. 

Jack went into the kitchen to grab a couple more things for his friend. He filled up a glass with water, then grabbed some pain reliever and anti-nausea medications, figuring Alex would wake up at some point in the night wanting these things. Jack set everything on the coffee table in front of the couch, then walked down the hallway to his bedroom. After quickly changing into some sweats, Jack turned out his light, and climbed into bed. 

As he closed his eyes, Jack couldn’t help but think about Alex’s comment, about how this night had been the first in a while where he felt good, whatever that meant. Jack figured that he would learn what Alex had meant in the morning, if Alex even remembered what he said. Taking a deep breath, Jack cleared his mind, and quickly drifted off to sleep. 

—————

“Shit, what time is it?” Jack muttered to himself, being woken up by the morning sunlight pouring into his room. 

Jack leaned over to where his bedside table was, and felt around on the table until he was able to find his phone. He turned his phone on, and saw that it was a little after nine in the morning. 

“Hm, earlier than I thought. I wonder how Alex is doing,” 

Deciding to go check on his friend, Jack stood up and walked over to the door. As he opened his door, he started to hear a strange noise that he couldn’t quite decipher. Jack walked towards the living room and noticed that the bathroom door was shut. Suddenly, Jack realized that the noise he’d been hearing had been Alex gagging, raising Jack’s concerns. Jack walked over to the bathroom door, and gently knocked on it. 

“Hey, Alex, it’s me. Are you okay in there?” Jack gently asked, hoping that Alex wouldn’t feel like his privacy had been invaded. 

“Hi, Jack, yeah, I’m okay, I’ll be out in a minute,” Alex weakly replied from the other side of the door. 

Jack made his way into the living room and sat down on the couch. He noticed that the glass of water he’d gotten for Alex was gone, as were the medications he’d left out. Jack couldn’t help but wonder how long Alex had been up that morning, he hoped that Alex hadn’t been up, feeling super miserable, for too long. 

Just a few minutes later, Jack heard the bathroom door open, this was followed by Alex walking into the living room seconds later, with an arm wrapped around his stomach. Alex looked terrible, Jack could see bags under Alex’s eyes, his face was flushed, Jack couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Alex look this wrecked. 

“Sorry to wake you up with that, Jack,” Alex said, sounding embarrassed as he sat next to Jack on the couch. 

“No, don’t worry, you didn’t wake me up. This is when I usually wake up when we’re not on the road,” Jack replied, helping Alex wrap himself up in the comforter he’d used the night before. 

“Wow, I’m impressed, I didn’t know you could wake up this early; you never do when we’re on the road,”

“True, but we’re always partying on the road, staying up late and sleeping in. I do try to have something of a routine when we’re not playing shows,”

“Structured days, that sounds like a dream,” Alex continued, forcing a dry laugh. 

“Yeah, right. Hey, speaking of partying, you got pretty crazy last night,” Jack said, hoping that this would nudge Alex into talking about whatever had been bothering him the night before. 

“Um, yeah, I haven’t drank that much in quite some time, now I remember why I don’t typically do that,” Alex replied, grimacing as he wrapped an arm around his stomach. 

Jack knew that getting Alex to talk was going to be a challenge, but he also knew that it really needed to happen; Alex was clearly dealing with something that he wasn’t sharing, and Jack didn’t want his friend to have to suffer in silence. Deciding to take matters into his own hands, Jack took a deep breath, and looked directly at Alex. 

“Yeah, you really haven’t done that in a while. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you drink so much? I don’t want to sound like the fun police, and I know that I only have so much room to talk on this subject, but I think you may have overdone it a bit,” 

There was a bit of silence, Jack did his best to remain comfortable in it. He knew that he probably just made Alex really uncomfortable with his question, but he needed to know what was going on with Alex. After a couple of minutes and a sigh, Alex shifted closer to Jack, and looked up at him. 

“Um, I don’t really have a good reason, to be honest. I guess I just wanted to go over my limit, go over the edge. That probably sounds insane,” Alex continued, a dry laugh escaping him. 

“You don’t sound insane, dude, but why did you want to go over the edge? Is something going on?” Jack asked, concern very evident in his voice. 

Alex looked down in his lap as he started to mess with the hem of his shirt. His leg started to rapidly bounce up and down as he took a deep breath, eventually forcing himself to look back up at Jack. 

“It’s kind of hard to explain in a brief way,”

“Well, I have all the time in the world, dude,”

“Okay, um, I’ve not been doing the best lately, like, since we got back from tour,” Alex started, his voice quiet. 

“What do you mean? Did something happen when we got back?” Jack asked, trying to think of what could’ve happened to Alex in the short amount of time they had been home for. 

“No, there wasn’t, like, a singular thing that happened that caused me to feel this way, I guess life has just felt kind of weird lately. Every day has felt the same as the last, it gets dark at fucking five fifteen in the afternoon, I guess I feel like I don’t know what I’m living for right now. Like, I don’t know what the point is, y’know?” Alex continued, his voice cracking as he spoke. 

“Wait, are you-“

“No, I’m not in a place where ending it all seems like the most logical solution, I hope I never get there, but I’m in a place where I’m having all of these thoughts and emotions, and I just don’t know how to deal with them. I know that there are things I could be doing to feel better, like journaling, working out, spending more time with friends, but all of those things feel like so much work right now, even though I know that they will be good for me in the long run. I feel numb almost all the time, and I almost want to go off the deep end, because it’ll let me feel something that isn’t this; that’s why I drank too much last night, to feel something,” 

Alex looked back down to his lap, feeling too embarrassed and vulnerable to maintain eye contact with Jack. Jack stayed silent for a moment, wanting to give Alex some space but also so he could think to himself, how had he not realized this? Sure, he hadn’t seen Alex much since tour ended, but Alex was his best friend, he had been for years, surely he should’ve recognized this, right?

“Well, that makes sense. I mean, that isn’t great, but I get it now. Have you been doing that a lot since tour ended? Like, going off the deep end with things to feel something?”

“No, last night was really the first time, and I only let myself do it because we were going out, I didn’t think I’d seem that obnoxious since we were all drinking, but I guess I was wrong about that. I bet you remember this, but I was dealing with some similar shit in my mind a few years ago, and I did let myself go off the deep end, in several different ways. I let myself suffer more by giving into that, and I know it made me suffer, which is why I’ve worked so hard to get to a better place. I feel like I know how to deal with these kinds of things now, but just letting myself go is so tempting. It’s chaos, but it’s familiar chaos, y’know?”

“Yeah, I remember, you used to hardly sleep, drink way too much coffee and alcohol, show absolutely no concern for your safety, and basically run yourself ragged. You have made a lot of progress since then, and as your best friend, I’m really proud of you for that. This time of year can be hard, the holidays are stressful, the fact it gets dark so early blows, and it can be hard to feel like you have a purpose when you’re not doing your job, I’ve felt that after a tour before, too. I think you really hit the nail on the head, though, practicing healthy habits is the best thing you can do for yourself, and routines help. Do you think trying to come up with a semi consistent routine for the rest of our time off would help you?”

“Yes, I think it probably would, I’ve just struggled to make myself actually do that. It just feels like such a daunting task, even though I know it really isn’t. And, like I said, the familiarity of the chaos seems easier to tolerate than the effort I’ll have to give to do something new, even if I know it’s good for me. Sorry if all this doesn’t make sense, I probably sound stupid,” Alex said, hunching in on himself, wanting to take up less space. 

“It doesn’t sound stupid at all, it’s hard to do things, even things that we know are good for us, when we’re not feeing great inside. If you want, I can help you with this; we can come up with this schedule for you together, and we can hang out more while we’re not on the road, we can even schedule some of your time for us to hang out,” Jack suggested, as Alex sighed.

“No, dude, I don’t want to make my problems your problem. You need your downtime to decompress from tour, too. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep a close watch on me, or else I’ll spiral out of control, that isn’t fair to put on you,”

“I don’t feel like that at all, I promise. You’ve helped me through some hard times throughout the years, I want to do the same for you. You’re my best friend, and I just want the best for you, and I want to help you get there, if I can,”

Alex looked up to Jack, a small smile starting to form on his face. 

“You’re the best friend ever, do you know that?” Alex asked, as Jack returned his smile. 

“Yeah, that sounds about right!” Jack exclaimed, making Alex laugh. 

“Wow, you’re so humble, man,” Alex sarcastically said, as Jack leaned in to give Alex a hug.  

“Humility has never really been my strong suit. Seriously though, I’m glad you talked to me about this, you know I’m always here for you, right?”

“Absolutely, and I’m always here for you, too. I can’t think of a better person to have as my best friend,”

“Same goes to you, dude. Hey, what do you want to do? Should we work on your schedule, or do something else?”

“Honestly, I need a little breather from that heavy conversation, maybe we could swing by a Starbucks drive-thru? I could use some coffee right now. You’ll have to drive since I don’t have my car, but I can pay!” Alex exclaimed, coming to his feet. 

“No worries, it’s my treat, let’s go,” Jack replied, standing up. 

They shared one more smile, before Jack went back to his room to grab his wallet and keys. Alex stayed in the living room, putting on his coat, and grabbing his phone from the coffee table. While he knew he still had a ways to go, Alex felt hopeful about his life for the first time in a while, all thanks to his best friend.

A/N: Hello, long time, no post! I've been wanting to write and post for so long, I've had a lot of ideas, but working full time makes finding time for writing much more difficult. This is the first story that I've written in months, it's not the best thing I've ever written, but it's a start back into writing! I have more ideas, and plan to post more often again. Also, I always love a request, so feel free to leave one, and I'll work on it! If anyone is still here, reading my work, thank you, it means the world. Here's to writing and posting again! -Liv

[alexhornefan]

Taskmaster’s 15th season starts on Channel 4 next week. Here, Greg Davies and Alex Horne talk about this year’s batch of contestants, starting with Frankie Boyle.

People may be surprised that Frankie signed up.

Greg:  I think that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to be surprised about. He’s on it because his children like it.

Alex: He sometimes seems surprised that he’s on it as well. It’s unusual to see him without his dignity and not being in charge but he completely threw himself into it, partly because his kids are big fans, as Greg says, and partly because he really likes the show and I think he trusts us, luckily. But he had to wait 14 series to really be sure that we’d look after him and agree to do it! He’s got friends, people like Sophie Duker, who helped persuade him. It was really nice to see him be his normal self. He brought his kids into lots of conversations during the studio shoot so you see a tender side of him, which was nice.

Greg: I make a lot of jokes in this series about him not caring whether he wins or not but,  he really entered into the spirit of it. It’s not that he was sitting there going, ‘Who cares?’ He tried, and was often bad. It’s nice to see someone like Frankie being incompetent.

Alex: He’s always competent with his mouth though. The things he says are so brilliant.

Greg: He restores his dignity with every analysis… It’s kind of awkward having Frankie in the room to point out the facts. I might bluster over certain things sometimes, then people like Frankie come in and check the facts. But dictators need to be checked.

Alex:  These five actually feel like a really intelligent five. I don’t want to say that they’re more intelligent than others, but …

Greg:  But you are.

Alex: I am, yes. They’re much cleverer than anyone we’ve had. They’re led by Frankie, I think, when they’re arguing.

On the other hand, you’ve got him running around in his pants in one task.

Alex: That was all his idea. I think he was keen to put a stamp on the show. I think he decided: ‘Right, if I’m doing it, I’m doing it.’

Greg: It shows a different side to his creativity as well. His normal act is not a natural conduit for some of the things you see him doing and being naturally funny.

What about Ivo Graham: he’s quite chaotic and anxious, isn’t he?

Greg: Wilfully so.

Alex: He fits a bit into the David Baddiel or Mark Watson ‘intelligent man doing badly with practical things’ but he’s also got a real playful side. I think he’s in control of his badness.

Greg: He’s not cartwheeling out of control; he knows exactly what he’s doing. I don’t think he’s being bad on purpose – but when it’s evident that he’s being bad, he welcomes the chaos. He revels in his mistakes.

Alex:  He was desperate to win it because he knows the show inside-out. Most of his mates have done it and that desperation meant going charging into the tasks and then realising it was too late. He got all giddy and excited and never stopped to think. But he’s a really thoughtful person generally, so that was surprising.

Greg: I think he makes an assertion, he comes up with a plan, and he follows that plan through regardless of new information that might come in.   It’s a Bomber Harris approach to Taskmaster.

Alex:  When he does get in too deep, that’s fun. He’s prepared to go the extra mile more than anyone. He has quite a physical reaction to it. He’s a peculiar character. There have been moments of sadness with him but he has got his dignity as well.

Greg: It’s remarkable. He’s so naturally funny. He does a thing where he throws away a point wilfully in one of the live tasks. It’s one of the most surprising and funniest things I’ve seen on the show. That really wrong-footed me, that.

Alex:  Me too. He’s technically an unbelievably clever comedian.

And then there’s Ghosts star Kiell Smith-Bynoe​…

Alex: I think he’ll surprise people. He’s known as an actor, not as a comedian, but he’s thankfully a really funny person. And he’s got a face that lights up, a real twinkle.

Greg: I always say he adds value in some way to every task. There’s always a shimmy or flourish. He’s showbiz.

Alex:  Yes, he’s a showman. Even the clothes he’s wearing. He’s very likeable. 

Greg: He’s very competitive.

Alex: He’s had a problem with me as well on several occasions, which I found quite funny.

Greg: Which I’ve really enjoyed as well. They turn on me normally around show six, and my judgements get called into question. But he really has had it in for you since the beginning.

Alex: I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. I have dobbed him in, but that’s my job. I could see you were getting beguiled by him and I had to stand up for justice. He did a few things badly but he managed to get things under the radar by being a bit showy, so I had to make sure you get the full picture.

 How would you describe his approach to tasks?

Greg: Route one.

Alex:  Yes. He’s got such a confused face.

Greg: And there’s a lot of fury.

Alex:  I think he thinks it’s all against him. He doesn’t realise there’s four other people doing it too.

 And Jenny Eclair?

Alex:  She had the time of her life, both in and out of the studio. The whole show is meant to be doing stuff you did as a kid that you don’t do any more. She’s really throwing herself into it.

Greg: You can really see the inner child in her, and I found it so gleeful. There was one task where she just went, ‘fuck, yes!"’I think there’s genuine glee there. It’s not performance. She’s doing it for herself.

Alex:  She’s quite anti-establishment as a person, so this is a good way of breaking rules and not giving a shit.

Greg:  She’s very, very funny and quite chaotic.

Alex: If you say to her, ‘What do you think of the Nissan Micra?’ she’ll have a story about it, in the same way Greg often has a story for most occasions. She’s got an amazing memory for details.

 Do you think people will be surprised by her?

Greg: I don’t know how people have perceived her in more recent years.

Alex: I’m just really pleased that people will see her being funny on telly, because she should be on telly more. You’re seeing the true Jenny, I think.

Greg: And carefree. Not being associated with being grumpy and menopausal. What she is on our show is someone who loves life. She spends a lot of time laughing.

Alex: She had a grandchild during the filming. It’s quite nice when Taskmaster fits around people’s lives, and you can see their lives in the show. Her grandson has come up to the show a couple of times. I do like that.

Finally, Mae Martin…

Alex:  Yes, they’re quite hard to pin down because they had a really good approach to the tasks, almost more than anyone. They read it and think, ‘Yes, I know how to do this.’ They sometimes think they’re taking it too seriously.

Greg: But we like that, don’t we? They’re quite forensic in the way they approach tasks. But then there are flashes of mischief: understated mischief. And they’ll often throw in a very clever call-back or a very witty line.

Alex: They’re very good at bending the rules and going the extra mile. Also, it’s worth mentioning they were much better by themselves than with the team. They found it quite frustrating to be with their team. And that was really funny. Also Mae is really good friends with Charlotte Ritchie and Kiell, so it’s good to see someone who’s had history with the show and came in with a slight mindset. I like that.

[muppeteyes1001]

Seeds of Doubt (pt. 2)

She groans softly, slowly coming to. Eyes opening slightly, things were dark and blurry ... Her head ached and felt heavy on her shoulders. Not only that, the pain from that kick to the gut was still lingering .. Were her ribs bruised? .. she wasn't sure. Her wintergreen gaze was slowly becoming clearer, not that it helped all that much in this very dim lit space she was currently in. It was then, she heard that voice again. That same taunting voice that she remembered all to well.

"Ah, there we are! .. Bright eyed and bushy tailed" Jareth softly croons as he sat in an old, wooden chair several feet in front of her.

Seeing him there, half hidden in shadow, Kitt immediately tried to move. However, she then notices the restraints that held her up by her wrists. They were shackled and chained against a rocky wall behind her, raised above her head and away from her body. Her ankles were shackled as well. The chains were thick and rusted, but strong.

"W..Where am I?" she manages to rasp out, looking around the unfamiliar space.

"Why you're in a dungeon, of course .. Where else would you be?" the trickster replies. He spoke as if the answer should be plainly obviously before rising from the chair.

"I mean 'Where am I?', ya loony" the cat woman spat back. She may still be regaining consciousness, but she was still awake enough to sass him.

"Ah, well that would be classified information, I'm afraid ... Now then .. Since you seem somewhat cognizant ... We can start that little game that I mentioned before .. If you still remember that is" Jareth responded as he steadily paced back and forth in front of Kitt as he continued speaking.

"Considering all the things that I've learned about you .. And to make things just a little more interesting ... I've decided to make this a two player game" He then folds in hands in front of his chest.

Kitt makes a puzzled expression at this. She then looks up at her chained wrists and the fact that she was locked alone inside a gloomy cell with this odd, short-horned man. Already assuming something rather unpleasant in mind, she slightly grimaces and tenses up.

"I really don't like where this is going" she flatly states, becoming even more guarded then she already was.

Observing this, the man simply chuckles in response before waving off anything she may have been imagining. "Oh no no no, you've gotten it all wrong, pussycat! ... Not me! ... Why I'm talking about your big, horny boytoy"

Hearing that, the felinoid's eyes widen and her stomach dropped. This can't be! .. She knew this man had powers, but was he truly capable of subduing Alex as well. Dreading the worst, Kitt tries to move again, but to no avail. Her icy green glare seemed to glow in the badly lit cell.

"Wait! .. What did you .. Bastard! .. If you did anything to him, I swear .." the felinoid threatened as she tried to struggle with her chains again.

"Don't be ridiculous! .. I wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near that crazed brute" Jareth simply cuts her off and explained with a dismissive wave before continuing.

"No! .. What we're going to be doing is play a little game of hide and seek ... And he will be doing the seeking ... And why not? ... From what I've been hearing, the king's been kind of .. stuck in a 'rut' .. So do speak ... I think a bit of fun would be just what the doctor ordered, wouldn't you agree?"

Kitt's very vexed expression had not changed at all, to which the trickster merely raised a brow towards her. "Not into puns?.. Well suite yourself" he shrugs.

"I know it's rather late to be askin' this but .... Are you absolutely insane? .... Is all this hullabaloo just some sort o' bizarre pleasure for you?" the felinoid irately accuses. To which the trickster tilts his head before responding.

"Well .. from what I understand .. the king had been gone for quite sometime, hasn't he? .. And .. I also know that you had been working tirelessly to find him during that whole time, weren't you? ... Though, because of your .. limited abilities ... you've entirely failed in that utterly impossible endeavor .. How maddening that must've been for you ... Though not exactly a shock .. Those without powers are .. to be frank ... pretty useless"

"So ... I was just thinking, since you were willing to go through such lengths for him ... Does he feel the same enough to do that for you?" Jareth explained. His arms opened wide as if he had just made a surprising reveal. He was about to prattle on about something else before he was swiftly cut off.

"He won't come for me!" Kitt stated firmly, interjecting the trickster.

"What did you say?" Jareth inquired quizzically, looking back over to her

"I said he's not gonna come looking! .. Are you really this daft? .. First off, he doesn't even know that I've been taken from my home .. And second, he's got a billion other things to worry about and take care of than go out of his way to play some stupid, half-arsed game conjured up by some stupid, half-baked git" she verbally rips into him.

"So .. You're admitting defeat already?! ... Well that's no fun .. That's not fun at all!" Jareth replies. Now he seemed worried that his game was about to be cut fairly short.

"You're willing to admit that your king's got much higher priorities? ... You're not going to fight, kick and scream that everything that I've said up until now was untrue?" he briskly walks over to her. To which the felinoid's expression melts from anger into a somber one as she tiredly lowers her head and turns her gaze away from the man.

"Hmph! Pity .. I was really hoping to see you amp up your resolution to it's utmost just so I can watch your spirit get absolutely shot down into dust .. That's what I really wanted to see out of you!" Jareth harshly states before grabbing her by the chin, trying to force her to look up at him.

"I suppose even the most stubborn mustang can be broken" he then adds in disappointment, though through his usual show of mock sympathy.

He fell for it! .. Kitt thought to herself before quickly biting down onto Jareth's hand. Sinking her teeth as hard and as far as she could. The man lets out a piercing scream that reverberated around the cavernous walls of the rocky dungeon. He eventually managed to tear his hand free from the felinoid's jaws. Holding his injured and bloodied hand with his good one, it painfully shook as scarlet trickled onto the cell floor like a broken faucet. Enraged, the trickster in return delivers a hard backhand to the side of Kitt's face, causing her head to turn from the force. After few seconds, the cat woman turns her face right back towards the man. Her green eyes glared venomously and her teeth fully bared as a few drops of the man's blood dripped from her lips.

"You Miserable Fleabitten Wench!!! ... I spared you and this is the thanks I get!!" he screamed furiously at her.

It was then that he reached for a dagger from his pocket and pressed it's blade to Kitt's throat. "Perhaps I should've just taken care of you quick and easy as I was told to" the trickster confessed, too much in a rage to care if she knew that this was a set up.

But before Jareth decided to go through with the original plan, he takes a brief glance around the cell. Seeing the somewhat dilapidated state of the dungeons, he reconsiders and thinks of a much better idea.

"But you know ... Judging by all the cobwebs in this place, no one seems to have set foot down here for ages .. Perhaps, even centuries .... I think this is quite the tomb that you've chosen for yourself ... I hear starvation is one of the worst ways to go ... And how sad and ironic that it's going to be here of all places" he sneers with a smile that now oozed absolute contempt for the cat woman.

Pressing up the blade a bit more against her, Kitt thought for certain that this was it. That she was going to die here in this unknown place. However, instead of feeling the dagger's bite, she feels a sharp tug and snap from her neck before the blade was swiftly taken away. Once she was released, the felinoid then sees her ruby necklace now dangling from the trickster's uninjured hand.

"I'll be taking this as compensation" he informs before storing the trinket into his breast pocket. With that, he turns away from her as he casually brings his hand up and summons a portal. Before stepping in, he slightly turns towards her.

"Ta ta, Toots! ... Enjoy your bed of bones!" Jareth scoffs before finally walking through the portal. The opening then closes up like a zipper before completely vanishing.

Once she was finally alone, Kitt spits out the disgusting blood and nearly collapses before catching herself. Even if she did fall, her wrists were chained in a way that she could barely bend her knees and hit the ground. She was still feeling her injuries from before, as well as the hot aching sting of the backhand she had gotten. A small cut was visible underneath her eye from a ring he wore.

The cat woman put up a fight and brave front, for sure. However, despite her refusal to fall for or believe any of the trickster's statements .. There were a few things that he had said that had secretly troubled her ... But, of course she was never going to give that madman the satisfaction of knowing that. Now, what she needed to do was to get herself out of this place.

This wasn't her first time being caught up in a scrap, and there was know way Alexander could have known that any of this was happening .. At least, she assumed so. He already had too much on his plate to be concerned about anything more .. And she refused to be a burden to him.

With that in mind, Kitt already began to struggle with her wrist shackles.