#ROMANTIC MODE - Resolution

[the-art-of-sanshoku]

little roleswap AU ive thought about once or twice

[nakamorijuan]

ロマンティックモード - レゾリューション ROMANTIC MODE - Resolution Kidou Shin Seiki GUNDAM X - 2nd Opening Theme

[westside-rot]

Talk To Me Nice

Pairing: Terry Richmond X Black reader

No warnings for this one. Hopefully there aren't too many errors cuz it's only lightly edited. I'm trying to squeeze in my last post of the year lol

This little idea is the result of a writing prompt and @megamindsecretlair keeping me honest about writing something every day. Figured I'd share the results with whoever else wants to check it out.

“That’s a bit harsh my love…”

After spending the last 20 minutes filling your home with negative energy you expected reciprocation.  Instead you were being derailed with a new form of gaslighting, the kind reserved for evolved men who appeared harmless on the surface but harbored a petty side few got to see. Though impressive, you knew Terry was only using kind words to paint himself the victim. It didn’t matter how many steps ahead you thought you were. The guilt still hit with the same bruising force.

Six months of newlywed bliss cruelly interrupted by disappointment you never wanted to feel so early into your marriage. Perhaps there was a better way to convey that hurt to your husband. Maybe sitting him down for a mature conversation would’ve spared you from the growing pressure around your temples and the rawness in your throat from all the yelling you’d been doing. You were convinced the window for apologies and grand romantic gestures had closed. He'd started it. You were damn sure going to finish it.

You pushed through your doubts and committed to your frustrations with arms folded tightly across your chest, the initial urge to roll your eyes shifting to a hard, resolute stare. “Well Terrence sometimes harsh is necessary.”

He scratched his beard and nodded as though you’d just agreed on what to have for dinner. Silence took over the room once again, intensifying the conflict between you. His eyes never broke contact.

“Are you done?” From anyone else the question would’ve triggered your inner toxic and possibly resulted in the police being called. But there was note of calmness in your husband’s voice that exonerated him from the accusation before it became your new truth. Terry wasn’t being dismissive. He was simply better at regulating his emotions.  His inability to stop wringing his hands together revealed the stress hidden within. For a second time you were forced to ignore your guilt for the sake of winning. Mirroring his casual demeanor, you continued to stand firm and prepared for whatever he intended to say next.

“I must’ve imagined sitting in premarital counseling for all those weeks. Or maybe I was the only one taking it seriously. That must be it 'cause at the first sign of a problem you’ve broken every promise we made to each other.” His words landed direct hits on your conscience. Everything holding you together began to cave under the weight of his response. Terry wasn’t wrong. Instinctively, you went into defense mode anyway.  

“That’s not fai—”

“Nah, you’re not about to interrupt me. I let you speak. You’ll show me the same respect. Understand?” The natural base in his voice instantly got your attention. Yes sir rang so clearly in your mind you weren’t entirely convinced you hadn’t said it out loud. You prayed Terry couldn’t somehow feel the lust pulsing alongside everything else flooding your system. One day soon under normal circumstances you were going to explore his newfound aggressive side. How, you weren’t entirely sure. With a new goal seared into your brain and soaked through panties clinging to your ass you managed to retain a sense of dignity as you obeyed your husband’s command. 

“You’re my wife. One day you’ll be the mother of our children. I refuse to let them hear us talking crazy to each other, so I’m gonna need you to find a better way to communicate your feelings. If I need to sign us back up for therapy I will but this shit ends tonight.”

All the fight drained from your body. Shame took its place. In its presence you were finally able to recall those important conversations leading up to your wedding, the dreams you shared, the legacy you wanted to create. If not for your anger you could have revisited them sooner and found a better use for them. Now you were facing an evening apart, perhaps more depending on how long Terry held on to a grudge.

All you could do was stare at the ground and wait for it to be over with. Hopefully you’d find a way to sleep knowing you had failed your first test as a wife. When your lip started to quiver you promptly bit down on it to keep your hurt feelings in check.  You hadn’t behaved in a way deserving of care but when Terry's long fingers reached out to palm the side of your face you sought out his warmth like a needy kitten.

“Now you’re breaking my heart.”

“I can’t help it. Did you have to be so mean?” Though you found your ability to speak you burrowed your pout lips further into his hand. The loudest person in the room didn’t deserve to cry. If you were lucky you'd disappear and rematerialize tomorrow with more sense.

“It got your attention. Besides, I thought harsh was necessary. Or does that only apply when you’re cursing me out?” He chuckled.  You weren’t persuaded by the playfulness in his voice to look up. Terry initiated the gesture with fingers affectionately placed beneath your chin. It wasn’t lost on you that he'd repositioned your face at the same proud angle you held while lecturing him as if two nights apart somehow equated to years of neglect. You wanted to look away but soon discovered his eyes remained steadfast and beautiful in the aftermath of the storm you’d caused. They connected with your soul in an instant providing a gentle assurance that you were safe with him.

 The words flowed through your upturned lips effortlessly. “I’m sorry baby. You didn’t deserve all those ugly things I said to you.” Before you could say more he captured your face in both hands, stroking your cheek with his thumb.

“You’re already forgiven my love.” Terry’s lips grazed yours as he spoke. The distance was torture. Finally, after what felt like an unbearably long time, he covered your mouth with his, reestablishing his dominance with a tenderness that sets your heart and mind at ease.  It was a proper reconciliation, but it also wasn’t enough. Not after the way you behaved tonight.

You treated the sincerity on his lips as your own personal buffet. When it became difficult to breathe you pulled away to regain control over the situation.  “I still have a lot to make up for.”

A smile tugged at his lips as he pushed the curls back from your face. “We both do. Your approach needs some work, but you had a right to be upset with me.” You nodded and yet nothing in you wanted to celebrate the vindication. You were simply relieved to know you hadn’t caused any irrevocable damage by overreacting. Even more relieved to see him smiling again.  "I think my beautiful and extremely childish wife should get the honor of going first.”

The frown you attempted to hold cracked under the pressure of his wide grin. You hate being teased. You were also guilty on all counts and willing to take your punishment. “I suppose that’s fair.”

“It’s very fair.” He mumbled between prolonged kisses down your neck.

You exhaled and curved your fingers over his broad shoulders. It was becoming harder to think or even breathe with him sucking everywhere his lips could reach. “Can we talk it out like grown-ups tomorrow?”

“Of course, baby. It's mandatory from now on.” When he spoke the guttural quality possessing his voice registered deep in the places he’s yet to touch. You felt painfully empty but knew you wouldn’t stay that way for long. At the rate his lips were moving you weren’t convinced you'd make it past the couch. You preferred the comfort of your king-sized bed the scene of your crime was a fitting place for getting down on your knees to make proper use of your mouth.

Terry surprised you when he broke the suction on your collarbone to reunite at eye level. There was a noticeable glint of mischief in his eyes before he bent down to throw you over his shoulder. You squealed and braced a hand at the center of his back for support you really didn't need.

"You better not drop me trying to be cute!"

"I was planning on letting you off easy tonight. Now I'm thinking your apology needs to be as loud as all that shit you've been talking."

"Yes daddy. Remind me what all these big strong muscles are really for. Also, please send help!"

With a single act you reclaim the home you’ve built, your gasps and combined laughter echoing along the walls as he carried you upstairs.

[andy-wm]

"Who wouldn't want it when he looks like that?"

Yes, Olly Alexander knew exactly how JK felt

I've been absent, I know. Life. But look, one chirp ;) from the lovebirds and I'm back hehehe

With no preamble I'm going to sweep straight past the cute and charming interactions between Jimin & JK on Weverse - always together - and only glance at JK's song recommendations because right now I'm more interested in what came before.

This post by the fabulous @slaaverin, about JK and the song he posted 10 years ago - Memo by Years & Years - hit me so hard in the feels, I had to sit down. Even though I've mostly paid attention to their song recommendations (yes, I know I can do better) this one passed me by completely.

How could I not know that JK posted a song by Years & Years??!

And especially in 2015, when he was really going through it. He had feelings bigger than a house and nowhere to put them.

This for me is a key moment. Watch Gayo 4 and tell me JK wasn't dying of love.

He was - and still is - a boy with big feelings that he doesn't always have words for. His face and body language have told us that he's filled up to the brim but he seems to keep it inside unless he's made up his mind to say something.

Which of course makes the song recommendations in 2015 so significant. We know it wasn't only about the songs - it never is - it's all about how he's feeling at he time. And he picks out the lines so carefully, so precisely, so that they can speak for him.

And if you read the lyrics of all those songs from 2015 and focus on the lines he picked out, there's a clear message.

I'm pretty sure he wasn't looking at Eels cover of Elvis's Can't Help Falling In Love for musical inspiration. And picking out I'll give you my everything - a cheesy love song from the '70s - so he could say I have something to tell you? Neatly in between the 2015 Osaka fan-meet and the notorious RBT concert in Hong Kong?

Smooth...

Very smooth, JK

He was in love. He was in lust. He was probably confused and afraid of the consequences, but he couldn't let it go. I know this has been thoroughly dissected so I won't go down that path.

What I am stuck on here, is Years & Years.

Where some of the lines he posted could be the result of searching for songs with particular words in the lyrics, like I have something to tell you, Memo doesn't hit the same way.

I want more (x4) isn't romantic or emotive like some song lines he chose and also it doesn't convey a specific message like others. Without hearing the rest of the song it feels a little brash but in the context of the rest of the lyrics, and with the gentle melody, it's honestly very soft.

He must have listened to a lot of Years & Years because Memo is a beautiful song but it isn't one of their hits. It vanished into obscurity pretty quickly.

Memo wasn't just an LGBT+ song. Years and Years was a very brazenly LGBT+ group.

Olly is a huge icon.

Gay, out, and unapologetic, Olly was singing pop songs about genuine personal feelings and experiences. The songs explored all the nuanced feelings of lust, yearning, hurt, and uncertainty that come with falling in love. They have authenticity. They're the same type of songs Troye was singing in 2016 but a little more... adult. A little further along the track towards resolution. Olly was living the life of a young gay man and his songs reflect that. The content is pretty direct.

Years & Years weren't huge like The Pet Shop Boys, Depeche Mode, or The Communards, but they were successful and popular especially amongst the lgbt+ community. They did get radio play in the UK too. Outside of that I think the group was relatively niche.

And yet, JK found them.

That he found them, says to me the he was searching for something. Searching for ways to make sense of his feelings in an environment that would be stifling for a young queer boy who was in love with his best friend.

The songs might not have been #1 on Billboard, but what they WERE was authentic and unambiguous.

Maybe I'm making too much of it but it makes me wonder where he would have been without a group like Years and Years.

If he hadn't heard those words in those songs, and felt the connection with the feelings expressed, would he have had certainty that what he felt was honest and real?

If he hadn't listened to someone else articulate emotions he could relate to, would he have had the words to describe his feelings when he finally confessed?

If Years & Years, and particularly Olly Alexander, hadn't been as successful as they were in 2015, would he have had the determination to face up to the company?

Who knows... maybe none of it really mattered and it was just a line from a song that he liked. But knowing - as ARMY - how much music can change your perception and your life, I don't think that's true. I think it meant something.

I'm so glad he found them.

💗💜💗

In case you've never seen him in action, here's Olly with the other members of Y&Y in concert at YES24 Hall in October 2022. He's wearing a yellow body stocking and thigh boots. Absolutely stunning performers.

[starlightsuffered]

Frat Boy (the end)

Info - tipsy reader and Timmy, worried about noise, praise kink, frat boy Timmy, needy Timmy, lingerie, wedding night, oral (Fem receiving), unprotected sex, cock warming

"Woooooo hooooo!" Timothée crowed as he tried to kick in the hotel room door. We were both pleasantly tipsy, and he was in full frat boy mode. The amount of times he'd bragged about me to the Uber was insane, he'd also been trying his hardest to get head. I'd told him it'd be more romantic to wait for the suite, he said my tits looked too sick in my wedding dress for him to wait.

"You're going to wake up the whole place," I giggled. He tripped and we landed awkwardly on the luxurious bed.

"Who cares! I'm married, I'm a husband, and you're my wife," he said excitedly.

"You're a dork," I smirked, and he rolled his eyes. He kissed me feverishly. He was needy, pawing at me and desperately humping me though we were clothed.

"Come on Timmy, let's do it properly, I'm going to the bathroom to take this off," I said.

"Don't be long," he pleaded. "I ache for you."

"I won't baby," I said and kissed his chin before going to the bathroom. I was happy I hadn't cried or sweated off my makeup. My hair was a bit wild, but it'd be fine.

I began to get out of my dress. I had hidden lingerie in here earlier to surprise him. I put on the lacy, baby blue set, he was going to go wild. I smirked at myself in the mirror. I looked good married.

I stepped out and Timothée's mouth fell open in complete awe. I sauntered towards him and nudged his chin so he'd shut his mouth. I kissed him then and his hands went to my sides automatically.

"You're so fucking hot," he moaned.

"You got pretty rowdy tonight," I said between kisses. "Sure you don't want to go back to your frat boy lifestyle? Different girl every night? Never ending drinks? No down time?"

"Absolutely not," he said resolutely.

"There's only one girl for me, and I love quiet evenings in with her just as much as I like wild nights out with her," he said with a smile that made me melt.

"You're so good to me," I sighed. He was kissing me now, his hands were everywhere. He squeezed my ass, then my breasts, then he was yanking at the fabric of my ensemble and moaning.

"It should be illegal that my tongue isn't in your pussy right now," he growled and soon my bottoms were ripped away. He feasted on me, and I slapped a hand over my mouth as I writhed and whined.

"Take that hand away," he panted.

"I'm gonna be so loud," I told him.

"I know, I want that," he chuckled darkly.

"What if we get a noise complaint?" I asked him.

"Let me take care of that pretty girl, just let me hear those sounds I love," he begged me. I didn't raise my hand again and he smiled at me.

He bent down again to swirl his tongue inside my cunt. He darted it in and out.

"Timmy," I gasped and fisted the sheets.

He hummed into my heat. I could feel myself dripping with wetness that he scooped up with his tongue. I was on fire for him, unable to stop the desperate whimpers. He was circling my clit with his tongue and I knew when he sucked it between his needy pink lips that I'd hit my crescendo.

"Timothée!" I screamed as he did just that. I was heaving, my whole body convulsing as he lapped me through my orgasm. My muscles loosened. He was climbing up the bed, kissing any bare skin he could see.

"My wife, all mine," he said in a low voice and kissed the base of my throat.

"Possessive are we?" I gasped out as he sucked.

"Yes, and happy, and so turned on I could explode," he listed. Soon, his cock was slowly lowering inside me.

"Ohhh, feel that angel? How long I take to bottom out? You always take me so incredibly well," he moaned.

"Yeah? I feel good for you my husband?" I asked.

"Ohhhh, fuck, don't, this is going to be over before it begins if you keep using the H word," he whined.

"What? Husband?" I giggled and he swore before beginning to jack hammer his hips. I moaned, grabbing his bicep as he set a merciless pace.

"Such a good girl for me, always takes my cock so good. Fuck, you feel like magic," he gasped.

"So good Timmy, so damn good!"

"I can't believe I get to fuck you for the rest of my life, too good to be true. This pussy is heaven sent. Look where we meet baby, where I disappear inside you," he ordered and I always did what he said in the bedroom. I watched him sinking into me over and over and my walls clenched once.

"There's my good girl, with her walls that squeeze me so good. Fuck, I love you," he whined and leaned down to kiss me heatedly. His hands were all over my tits, massaging, kneading, flicking.

"You're so perfect, so damn perfect," he heaved.

"Timmy, fuck you're so big," I whimpered.

"Yet you always take me so well, never complaining, always doing what I say, Ohh you're such a good girl f'me," he said, voice bouncing as he feverishly fucked me

"I know a word that might affect you more than the H word," I moaned as I wrapped my limbs around him.

"What?" He gasped.

"Wife, I'm your wife Timothée," I whispered and he cried out, and his cock began to throb as he filled me with ropes of cum. I came as well, his needy wails had me feelings warm and fuzzy and gorgeous.

"I swear you're glowing," he sighed and nuzzled his face into my neck. He slowed down until he was lazily fucking his cum deeper, and soon after that he stopped.

"Stay inside me," I whispered.

"Yes," he agreed. "My wife."

[literaryvein-reblogs]

I’ve seen your post on how to compromise in romantic relationships, do you have one on how to compromise in platonic and familial relationships?

Writing Notes: Compromise

in Platonic & Familial Relationships

People with a compromising conflict style often try to resolve conflict by proposing seemingly equal compromises, such as meeting in the middle between two extreme positions or making a significant compromise just to move forward. Although a compromising conflict style can move a conversation forward, the solution may not address root issues, making this style unstable over time.

Compromise is essential in any relationship, particularly during conflict. Each partner must consider giving something up of similar value so that they meet somewhere in the middle (Grieger, 2015).

Encourage bouncing ideas off each other until both parties find a win for both of them. Capture the following:

What is the disagreement about?

What does a win for each person look like?

Brainstorm ideas that could lead to mutual satisfaction.

Often, resolutions to conflict and disagreement feel like a win to both parties; this is a win–win situation. The goal should be for mutual satisfaction.

The more individuals have a relational focus (i.e., a greater use of “we”) while narrating their experiences of compromise with family, the better psychological health they will experience (Lin et al., 2014)

The Conflict Management Styles

Include accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing and compromising.

People tend to have a dominant style.

The Thomas Kilmann conflict mode instrument, or TKI, is frequently used in conflict resolution training and identifies 5 distinct modes that people use to handle conflict (Thomas & Kilman).

Understanding your conflict handling style may help you handle future conflicts more effectively.

Compromising - usually indicates the person who is compromising is at the mid-point on the assertiveness scale and the mid-point on the cooperativeness scale.

That means that the compromiser tries to find middle-ground by taking care of his/her needs as well as the needs of others.

The compromiser does try to cooperate but not at his/her personal expense.

The compromising style shows a moderate concern for self and others.

Even though you may often hear that the best way to handle a conflict is to compromise, the compromising style is not a win/win solution but a partial win/lose.

When you compromise, you give up some or most of what you want.

The conflict gets resolved temporarily, but lingering thoughts of what you gave up could lead to a future conflict.

Compromising may be a good strategy when time limitations or conflict prolonging may lead to relationship deterioration.

Compromise may also be good when both parties have equal power or other resolution strategies have not worked (Macintosh & Stevens, 2008).

Compromising may help conflicting parties come to a resolution, but neither may be completely satisfied if they each had to give something up.

Compromising Style: This style aims to find an expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties in the conflict while maintaining some assertiveness and cooperativeness. “This style is best to use when the outcome is not crucial and you are losing time; for example, when you want to just make a decision and move on to more important things and are willing to give a little to get the decision made,” Dr. Barbara Benoliel, a certified professional mediator and mitigation specialist, says. “However,” she adds, “be aware that no one is really satisfied.”

People often get accommodating and compromising confused.

Accommodating means sacrificing your needs/wants/desires for what the other wants without them giving anything in return.

When you compromise, both parties give something and gain something.

A negative of compromising is that it may be used as an easy way out of a conflict.

The compromising style is most effective when both parties find the solution reasonably agreeable.

Example: Rosa and D’Shaun could decide that Casey’s allowance does need to be increased and could each give her $10.00 more a week by committing to taking their lunch to work twice a week instead of eating out. They are giving up something, and if neither has a problem taking their lunch to work, the compromise is equitable. If the couple agrees that the 20 extra dollars a week should come out of D’Shaun’s golf budget, the compromise is not as equitable, and D’Shaun, although he agreed to the compromise, may end up with feelings of resentment. Dialogue may assist this couple to find a win-win outcome.

In the Workplace. Compromising is a conflict resolution strategy in which you and the other party willingly forfeit some of your needs to reach an agreement.

It’s known as a “lose-lose” strategy, since neither of you achieve your full goal.

This strategy works well when your care for your goal and the relationship are both moderate. You value the relationship, but not so much that you abandon your goal, like in accommodation.

Example: Maybe you and a peer express interest in leading an upcoming project. You could compromise by co-leading it or deciding one of you leads this one and the other the next one.

Compromising requires big-picture thinking and swallowing your pride, knowing you won’t get all your needs fulfilled.

The benefits are that you and the other party value your relationship and make sacrifices to reach a mutually beneficial resolution.

Sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ⚜ More: References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Hope this helps with your writing!

[bouquetface]

PAC: Your Next 2 Weeks (& a lil bit abt your August 2024)

KEEP IN MIND: Not every reading you come across is for you. I am very specific because I personally hate vague readings.

1-2. film & quote have nothing to do w reading. I just like those movies.

If you’d rather choose based on sign:

One: Leo & Cap in the big 3

Two: Virgo, Cancer & Scorpio in the big 3

I didn’t pick up on any other signs.

ONE.

You likely have a cap or leo rising. This following 2 weeks:

You can expect important conversations with friends and/or coworkers. Be cautious of word vomit. Stay focused and communicate your point effectively.

You may have to take a step back from a friend or coworker. The best resolution may be that everyone gets their space. Keep things professional. Don’t have a dramatic fall out because somewhere later in life, you may need their help.

You can expect a new start end of July to start of August. This may come in the form of an ending.

For ex: You may be leaving a job. You may have graduated highschool or university. You may have ended a relationship (platonic or romantic). The next 2 weeks and through August, you might want to change up your hair or style.

You may want to present as a different person for the Fall. You could feel pressure for something that is coming this Fall.

For ex: Starting Uni or Starting a new job. You will be able to tell if this reading is for you because this thing coming in the Fall is planned. In fact, you could have been working toward this for a long time.

Good luck with everything!

TWO.

You likely have a Virgo or Cancer or Scorpio rising.

You can expect conflict with the family. You may be involved or a bystander to it. By this I mean, it could be your siblings fighting with your parents or siblings fighting with each other. This is more likely for Cancer and Scorpio risings.

Specifically Virgo rising, you or a parent could have spent recent years in a toxic relationship. Lots of fighting and deception. This will continue within the next two weeks and even in August. I don’t see you or the parent leaving this person anytime soon. This may or may not be good.

Recently, money and career may be on your mind. You may feel pressure at work. You could feel pressure to find a job (from yourself or outsider opinions). Start of August, you could receive a call back from a job if you have been applying. For those who have a job, you could feel a fresh start in your job. Something feels new in the workplace. New coworker? New duties? New rules? You will know by August.

For Virgo & Scorpio, you may have spent a lot of money 2023- this year. It could be joyful spending or you have legitimate expenses. This could have affected your mental or physical health.

You could be in hermit mode due to these health concerns. You could be feeling lethargic these next two weeks. Take some time to rest. Do sowmthing relaxing. I suggest yoga, journaling, taking walks outside. Pinterest could work too. Organizing photos into specific boards could really mesh well with your virgo placements.

Best of luck to you guys!

[eightyonekilograms]

If anyone else is in "New Year's resolution planning mode", one bit of advice I have is, be less romantic and more brutally utilitarian and practical about how to achieve your goals. Like I suspect many of you, I want to read more this year than in years past, and in previous times I went about this in a pretty vague way, which didn't really work.

So this year I'm making a spreadsheet with all the books I want to read, as well as ones that were started and half-finished, together with their priority (to me) and a vague guess at how important they are. So I can a) notice things that have been on the list for a while but remained unread, and kick them off and b) just do "sort by priority" to know what to read next.

Does it diminish the romance of reading a bit? Yeah, maybe. But I bet I'll actually do it a lot more this year.

[onepawproductions]

V1 Chapter 3 Art for "Lady of the Lake by Colubrina"

Gotta more-Hermione-ify it, change her hairstyle, clean up her hand, clean up the background, and change up her bracelet. Almost there!

I got some really good gens outta this one! Spoiled for choice! I ended up amalgamating 5 images into this one (the lamppost, the street and sky, Draco/Hermione upper bodies, Hermione face, Hermione Hair).

Here's ones that are good, but didn't make the cut:

Art Generation Info Below!

Prompt: an off-center closeup shot of Draco Malfoy and [Hermione Granger:Emma Watson:0.5] gazing lovingly at each other while standing in a spotlight under a tall streetlight in [Diagon Alley] [next to a fountain with a statue in it] and a bookshop in the background , 25-year-old, romantic, on a date, at twilight, holding each other, a romantic embrace, true love, coy, first date, (sleeveless sleek cowlneck black wrap dress), (a reporter surreptitiously in the background smoking a cigarette and holding an antique flash camera), victorian, gazing deeply into each other's eyes, tentative hopefulness, lips slightly parted, wistful, dynamic asymmetry, background dynamic asymmetry, people mingling in the background

Negative Prompt: anger, sadness, kids, eyes closed, symmetry, [[technicolor]],

Style "@ not the camera" Negative Prompt: (((looking at the camera))), facing the camera, eye contact with the viewer, (((looking at you)))

Style "Cover Art": a detailed Cover Art painting of {prompt} . official art,a detailed drawing,fantastic realism,magic realism,cinematic lighting,fantasy art,pre-raphaelitism,gritty,dystopian,dark,gothic art,high contrast,cyberpunk art,dramatic shadows,mysterious

Neg: simplified, abstract, unrealistic, impressionistic, low resolution, glitch, deformed, mutated, cross-eyed, ugly, disfigured

Style "Book Heading Happy": official art,a detailed drawing,fantastic realism,cover art,magic realism,fantasy art, Oil Painting, Chiaroscuro Painting, sharp focus,4K,8K,sharp,crisp,detailed,highly detailed,epic,gorgeous,ultra detailed,intricate, pre-raphaelitism, [William Adolphe Bouguereau],

Neg: nuns, monks, bare feet, comic book panel, manga panel, comic panel, tux, tuxedo, nsfw, nude, shiny skin, wings, forum post, character sheet, cartoon, pop art, cropped, out-of-frame,

And then I used XYZ plot for samplers, Styles, and Search-Replace first-keyword perspective orientation (closeup, wide angle shot, forced perpective, low angle shot)

The lighting was done in Sketchbook Pro, by making a gradient of a spotlight, erasing some light lines and softening the edges, then layering that with the "Glow", "Soft Glow", and "Color Burn" blending modes (to create glowing highlights and shafts of light within the existing image), and whole-image layers in Multiply (to darken darks), and Grayscale (to control saturation)

Probably about 500 or so gens, in about 8 gen runs, and 3 gen runs in img2img, and about..25 layers in Sketchbook Pro

Nicey nice!

[thesims4blogger]

The Sims 4: New Game Patch (May 28th, 2024)

There is a new game update for The Sims 4, to prepare the game to the upcoming kits. Read it all on the blog post below.

If you have auto updates enabled in Origin’s “Application Settings”, the game will auto-update once you open Origin. If you have auto-updates disabled, you will need to manually update by clicking the game in your library.Advertisement

To ensure your game is up to date, check the game version found in Documents > EA > The Sims 4 > GameVersion.txt. Your game should now read: PC: PC: 1.107.112.1030 / Mac: 1.107.112.1230 / Console: 1.92

Sul Sul Simmers! It’s time for some late Spring cleaning! Let’s fix some things and make a few improvements. We’ve got quite the spread, with a host of resolutions for base game issues as well as addressing a wide assortment of packs. There’re also some performance gains, gallery updates, and DirectX 11 previews. We squeezed lots into this release, but there’s still more to come! Talk to you soon!

-The Sims 4 Team

Bug Fixes & Updates

Base Game

Oh you thought you could hide, dishes? We will find you and we will wash you. Dishes left in corners will no longer be ignored when cleaning up.

Begone weeds! Plants won’t grow weeds when Out of Season. If a plant has them when it becomes Out of Season, the weeds will be removed until it’s In Season again.

Campfires will stop causing so many fires on the lot. Campfire spreadfire was triggering a 50% chance every 10 sim-minutes to burn objects other than chairs in the area. We removed that to only focus on when Fireworks trigger (which we all know is the real danger).

“A Trash Can Is Required“ message will no longer display when trash cans are present on the active lot. Get that garbage outta here.

Skills will not randomly increase or change when leaving the lot or editing the household. If your Sim knows, they know.

The skills list is arranged in alphabetical order and my eye will no longer twitch when looking at it.

TS4 Packs are listed in the right order in the Build/Buy filter. Get back in line For Rent, Home Chef Hustle and Crystal Creations!

Careers will no longer have a blank daily task menu.

Summon Grilled Cheese interaction will no longer drop from the interaction queue.

Sim will no longer get stuck in the ground and continue to Swim Laps if the pool is removed in the middle of it. Because physics. Now the Sim will reset. Because magic.

Calendar notification light will remain on after traveling. No forgetting those important events.

Customizable pronouns were adjusted to appear correctly on a few of the Romantic Relationship phone calls and will no longer display improper usage like “ask their out.”

Sims can properly merge or move households with NPC Sims “not in world“; the merge/move button is now accessible. It’s all about bringing families together!

Console

After switching to build mode from world map a red bar will no longer display in the upper right corner.

Performance

We’ve made some optimizations so the game uses less memory. You may experience fewer crashes, better frame rate, and/or more responsive simulation.

We’ve improved the lot load process so it should happen a bit faster.

Cats & Dogs / City Living

Small dogs, puppies, and kittens will properly use the elevator to go downstairs from Penthouses. They can finally go potty! Poor little things.

Cottage Living

Hatchable and spoiled eggs will now remain visible in the Chicken coop whenever the Sim travels to the lot.

Dine Out

‘Order For Table’ interaction will properly clear from the interaction queue after the waiter delivers food to the table.

Home Chef Hustles players can now add Waffles to the Restaurant Menu. More menu additions to come.

DirectX 11 Preview

DirectX 11 is available on The Sims 4 on an opt-in basis and will be rolled out fully in a later update for Simmers running Windows. If you opt to run The Sims 4 using DirectX 11, you will potentially experience enhanced game performance and graphics quality. This update is designed to increase the overall gaming experience, with improved rendering capabilities that will allow for more details and immersive environments in future releases! We would appreciate your feedback and any issues you experience on our DirectX 11 Answers HQ thread.

Simmers running Windows and have DirectX 11 compatible hardware can now enter the argument -dx11 into the EA App or Steam to switch to using this renderer. You will be able to see which DirectX version The Sims 4 is using in your game version information displayed in the bottom right corner of the Main Menu.

You can find all the information you need to check if your PC is DirectX 11 compatible and learn how to enter launch arguments for both EA App and Steam here.

While DirectX 11 is available for those Simmers who want to try it, you may experience visual issues with mods so we recommend disabling all mods while using this command line argument.

Eco Lifestyle

Nose rings will no longer break when paired with brow piercings from this pack.

For Rent

Property Ownership of “Tam Nang Sands“ lot will be recognized in the owned rental tab.

“Unpleasant Surroundings“ Moodlet no longer triggered from the Pressure cooker and Kettle.

Tourist location icons will now appear correctly when hovering over the Tomarang world select screen.

Gallery Server

All profanity filter false positive reports sent to us via  The Sims 4 Gallery Profanity Filter Feedback survey up to May 1st have been reviewed and changes implemented. We appreciate all the reports and responses and will continue to update our systems based on your feedback.

Non-anonymous Gallery users appearing in the Following and Followers tabs will once again display the number of Followers each user has.

Get to Work

Aliens will stop having noticeable changes in facial structure (placement, size, etc) when aging up. No more morph faces.

Growing Together

The “Had a Baby“ Milestone now triggers from having a Science Baby or giving birth at the hospital rabbithole.

High School Years

Teens cannot send flirty messages on Social Bunny to adults or household family members.

After a teen high school Sim completes all tasks and aces exams, they will also be promoted to a better grade. They’ve earned it!

Horse Ranch

We all know how cute they are, but Sims will no longer autonomously want to buy mini goats (causing the UI to pop up).

Nectar value is now properly increased when selling to the mysterious rancher.

Horses will no longer get stuck while sleeping too close to the Horse training ball.

Island Living

Mermaid Conservationists can now complete the “Snorkel in Mua Pel’am“ job task.

Seasons

During winter, the weeding animation will no longer repeat and the Sim will actually remove all the weeds surrounding the plants. Checkmate weeds!

[taydance]

resolutions

November 15, 2021

Kaia sat curled up in the corner of the couch, one of Trevor’s sweatshirts wrapped around her like a blanket even though she’d been too pissed to look at him when he left. The apartment was quiet, dark except for the low glow of the TV playing something she hadn’t processed for the last hour. Her phone was clutched in her hand, thumb hovering over one name in her contacts for what felt like forever.

Finally, she hit call.

It rang twice.

“Hey, sis. What’s up? Everything okay?” Kayden asked

The lump in Kaia's throat swelled fast.

“I… don’t know.” Kaia said

“Trevor?” Kayden guessed

Kaia let out a shaky laugh.

“How’d you guess?” Kaia asked

“You only ever call this late for two reasons: you’re either freaking out about hockey or about him. And I haven’t heard you mention a puck in months.” Kayden said

“We had a pregnancy scare.” Kaia revealed

“Okay, are you okay?” Kayden asked

“I’m not pregnant. But I thought I was. For two whole days, Kay, I thought I was. And I didn’t tell anyone except him, and we just—” Kaia started

Her voice cracked.

“It got bad.” Kaia finished

Kayden sighed, the kind of big brother exhale that meant he was trying to be calm but was already in protective mode.

“Tell me what happened.” Kayden said

So Kaia did. All of it. The test, the panic, the way Trevor lit up when he thought it might be real. How he didn’t even try to hide how excited he’d been. And how she… hadn’t felt that at all.

“How the hell am I supposed to bring a baby into this chaos? He’s gone half the season, I don’t even have a plan for next year, and I’m supposed to what? Just go with it because he thinks it's romantic?” Kaia asked

Kayden was quiet for a long moment.

“Do you want kids, Kaia?” Kayden asked

“Eventually.” Kaia answered

“But not now.” Kayden stated

“No.” Kaia replied

She paused.

“And I told him that. But it felt like I’d kicked a puppy or something. He looked crushed.” Kaia said

Kayden let out a soft, thoughtful breath.

“Trevor’s always been all in, Kaia. About everything. You should’ve seen the way he talked about you when you first started dating — I thought he was gonna put a ring on you before Christmas. He’s never known how to slow down. But that doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It just means you’re different.” Kayden said

Kaia closed her eyes.

“It feels like we’re on two different timelines.” Kaia said

“You probably are. That’s not always a dealbreaker.” Kayden said

Kaia rubbed her thumb against the edge of the couch cushion, her voice smaller now.

“He left. Went for a walk or something. We haven’t talked since.” Kaia said

“Good. You both needed space.” Kayden said

“He thinks I don’t want a family with him.” Kaia said

“Then tell him that’s not true.” Kayden said

“I did. I have. But he wants to start now. Like, build a team of mini Zegrases tomorrow.” Kaia said

“Okay, well first of all, terrifying. Second, you know what he wants. But what do you want?” Kayden asked

Kaia hesitated.

“I want… time. I want to breathe. I want to figure out if I still want to go back to school. I want a job, or something I’m proud of that isn’t just Trevor Zegras’ wife.’ I want a future with him, yes, but my own too.” Kaia said

“Then you tell him that. And if he’s the guy I know he is, he’ll get it. Eventually. You’re allowed to want different things right now. You’re not failing at marriage because you’re not ready for a baby.” Kayden said

Kaia bit her lip.

“You’re annoyingly good at this, you know.” Kaia said

“Big brother privilege. Let me know if I need to fly down there and smack him.” Kayden said

Kaia smiled.

“I’ll keep you posted.” Kaia said

Kaia heard the front door open and Trevor’s keys hit the kitchen counter with a soft clink. Kaia stayed curled up on the couch, blanket tight around her, still wearing his hoodie.

He didn’t speak right away. Just toed off his sneakers, walked into the living room slowly like he wasn’t sure if he’d be welcome there. She looked over her shoulder at him, her face unreadable.

“Hey.” Trevor said, quietly

“Hey.” Kaia replied

Trevor hovered for a second, then eased down onto the other end of the couch. Left a whole cushion between them like a buffer zone.

“I talked to my mom.” Trevor said

Kaia raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah?” Kaia asked

Trevor nodded, rubbing a hand over his face. He looked exhausted — eyes red-rimmed, hair flattened under a beanie he’d shoved on during his walk, hoodie strings uneven like he’d tugged at them too many times.

“She told me I was being an idiot.” Trevor said

That got the smallest tug of a smile from her.

“Then she said—” Trevor started

He paused, eyes flicking to hers.

“She said just because something feels right to me doesn’t mean the timing’s right for us.” Trevor said

Kaia swallowed hard. Trevor looked down at his hands.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like I wasn’t listening. Or like your dreams don’t matter. I think I just got caught up in this idea of… the next thing. You and me, building something.” Trevor said

“I get it. I really do.” Kaia said, softly

“I want a family with you, Kaia. I want the loud house and the skates and the chaos and someone yelling ‘Dad’ from the hallway. But I also want you to feel ready for it. Not stuck in it.” Trevor said

Kaia’s throat tightened. She pulled the blanket a little tighter.

“I just… I panicked. I still feel like I’m figuring everything out, and it scared me how okay you were with it all.” Kaia revealed

Trevor leaned back into the couch cushion.

“I wasn’t okay. I just wanted to be. I wanted to believe we could handle anything, even if we weren’t ready.” Trevor said

Kaia turned to face him, tucking her knees underneath her.

“And what if we can’t?” Kaia asked

“Then we wait. We take our time. We make a plan. And if it still scares us… we talk about it again.” Trevor said

“I don’t want to be the reason you wait.” Kaia said

“You’re not.” Trevor said

He looked at her, his voice gentler now.

“You’re the reason I want to wait. Because I want it with you. Not just the idea of it. Not some perfect little box we’re supposed to check because we’re married now.” Trevor said

Kaia blinked fast, biting the inside of her cheek.

“I’m still mad at you.” Kaia said

“I know.” Trevor said

He nodded.

“I deserve it.” Trevor agreed

Kaia shifted closer, eyes soft despite the tension.

“I love you. But I need us to be on the same page.” Kaia said

Trevor leaned his head back against the cushion, exhaling deeply.

“Then let’s write it together.” Trevor said

He reached over, gently, to take Kaia's hand. She didn’t pull away.

Things weren’t fixed. But they were still them.

And maybe that was enough for tonight.

[kverything-official]

7 Korean Dramas that Faced Netizens’ Backlash

Korean Dramas are not only a purpose of entertainment to us fans but those are a mode of escapism from daily life blues. Most of the time Korean dramas are fun and fulfilling, sometimes, though, they are disappointing, and sometimes they face some kind of complicated and mixed reactions. On rare occasions Korean dramas face huge backlash from the netizens. 

In Korean Drama history there are more than one drama to be canceled or cut short due to the unbound backlash that those faced. And today I am going to offer you 7 of those Korean dramas, which were either canceled or cut short due to netizen’s backlash. 

So, without wasting any more time, let’s get into the list!

10 Korean Dramas that were cut short or canceled

1. Wolf (2006)

In the 2006 Korean drama Wolf, Eric Mun, a beloved figure in the Korean entertainment scene, was originally cast to portray Bae Dae-chul. The storyline revolved around a romantic rivalry between Bae Dae-chul and Han Ji-soo, played by Han Ji Min, both vying for the affection of Yoon Sung-mo, portrayed by Uhm Tae Woong.

The production of Wolf was progressing smoothly until an unfortunate incident occurred during filming. Both lead actors, Mun and Uhm, suffered injuries when they were accidentally struck by a stunt car. This unforeseen setback forced an immediate halt in production. 

Initially, there was optimism that filming would resume once Mun and Uhm recovered from their injuries. However, as time passed, a series of postponements ensued, eventually leading to the regrettable decision to cancel the entire project.

The incident not only impacted the physical well-being of the two actors but also dealt a significant blow to the momentum and continuity of the production. The cancellation left fans disappointed, as they were eagerly anticipating the resolution of the complex love triangle that had been unfolding. 

Despite the setback, the legacy of Wolf endures as a testament to the unpredictable challenges that can arise in the world of television production, where even the most carefully planned projects can be derailed by unforeseen circumstances.

2. A Beautiful Mind (2016)

A modern reinterpretation of the timeless Frankenstein narrative, 2016 Korean drama Beautiful Mind centered around Lee Young-oh, impeccably portrayed by Jang Hyuk, a neurosurgeon renowned for his technical prowess but severely lacking in empathy. The plot unfolded within the confines of a hospital, where Lee Young-oh found himself entangled in the perplexing enigma of unexplained deaths.

Originally slated for a 16-episode run, the fantastical Korean drama faced an abrupt truncation, concluding prematurely at the 14th episode mark. The decision to curtail its run was prompted by subpar viewership ratings that failed to meet expectations. 

Despite its initial promise, the show grappled with dwindling audience engagement, reflected in its highest Nielsen Korea rating of 4.7% during the third episode. Unfortunately, this peak was short-lived, as subsequent episodes witnessed a gradual decline in viewership, culminating in a modest 2.8% rating for its penultimate showing.

The untimely demise of the series left its narrative threads dangling, and the abbreviated episode count disappointed both fans and critics who had anticipated a more extensive exploration of the intriguing storyline. 

In the fickle landscape of television, where audience reception plays a pivotal role, the fate of this modern Frankenstein adaptation serves as a poignant reminder of the unpredictable nature of viewer preferences and the challenging terrain that TV productions navigate.

Read More

[miloscat]

[Review] Sonic the Hedgehog (PS3)

An embarrassment, frankly.

After playing Forces and actually liking it, I figured I'd give a chance to the franchise's biggest punching bag. Turns out that in this case, I agree with the popular consensus: Sonic 06 is broken and unfinished, with a messy story, bad controls, and crippling performance issues. I've heard it described as entertainingly bad, but I just can't go along that far; I had a miserable time with this game. Let's get into it, shall we?

Although I'm still not ready for my Sonic doctorate, I'm progressing well in my studies. I've played enough of Adventure to pick up that Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) is trying to be Adventure 3 in all but name (and speaking of the name, this game is not to be confused with the Mega Drive game, or the Master System game, or any of the handhelds or animated shows or comics or movies of the same name... the title is the first of many stupid decisions in Sonic 06). A big group of playable characters, more open levels than what would come later, exploration of hub areas, and a heavy focus on story and cutscenes with interweaving plot threads. It's fine in theory, it's just that every individual piece breaks down in various ways. As opposed to previous Adventure games, there are just three main stories (Sonic, Shadow, and new character Silver who is basically just Dragonball's Trunks) with the other hangers-on popping up only temporarily within certain levels.

Sonic's story, such as it is, revolves around Elise, a filler character who is a gormless and feckless human princess and frequent damsel in distress; she gets kidnapped out of nowhere at least five times and dies in a plane crash once, necessitating time travel-based rescuing. Elise’s role in the story when she’s not being kidnapped is alternately mooning, pining, emotional outbursts, and having a tragic backstory. Also, on several occasions Sonic the Hedgehog literally tells her she should smile more. Textbook misogyny, WTF. On top of this is the uncomfortable subplot about a potential romantic connection between her and Sonic, which always fails to feel earned or appropriate. The one saving grace of the character is the mildly amusing idea that her design is loosely based on the chicken animal that you free from badniks in the early games.

I know it sounds harsh but Elise almost single-handedly drags down the whole "story" aspect of this game. After progressing Sonic's mode you unlock the others and theirs almost feel like real plots, centering around stopping Iblis—the mindless beast of fire who ruined Silver's future—and Mephiles—a scheming creature of shadow—before they reunite. Even these stories don't really hold together though with their disjointed plotting, time-hopping, and contrived interactions. Not to mention the utter humourlessness, and the sheer awkwardness of everything from writing to line-readings to mocapped movements. The fact that it's seemingly incompatible with Blaze's backstory in Rush was annoying to me personally, and ending the story with a closed time loop "it never happened" resolution is just the icing on the rotten cake.

I must also mention another decision made in Sonic 06: why game look like that? It falls into the trap of early HD striving-for-realism and falling far short, but it also feels unfitting for Sonic. After all, the hedgehog himself and his anthro friends are as cartoony as ever (almost expressionless faces notwithstanding), so putting them next to the human-looking humans really jars, especially the redesigned Eggman. And speaking of, his robot army is at its most militaristic and entirely whimsy-free... just another in a long line of missteps for ol' 06.

Now all this could be swallowed if the game was fun to play. You should be able to predict that indeed it isn't. Sonic's playstyle is the stinkiest of the lot, particularly the autoscrolling running sections that feel barely functional and were the biggest cause of lost lives (I did not appreciate starting over a ten-minute level due to these abominable segments). His moveset is simple, just a homing attack and not much else, and without a targeting reticle it's unpredictable. He has some sloppily implemented extra powers that are unlocked in a shop; hilariously they're supposed to drain your special bar but due to some error they just don't, so you can use them infinitely for what that's worth.

Shadow is similar, with a combo attack and ranged stunning bolts, but also has a lot of vehicle sections which while awkward are playable enough; meanwhile Silver plays like an entirely different game. His psychokinetic powers let him pick up and throw enemy projectiles and physics objects. It's janky but his slower-paced, almost puzzley levels felt ever so slightly less like the game was constantly falling apart at the seams. There's 9 playable characters in total and none of their abilities work very well; among the others Knuckles and Rouge were pretty fun with their gliding and climbing completely breaking level design, while Blaze (another big reason I wanted to try this game, an opportunity to play as my favourite character in 3D) has a fun moveset with a double jump and a homing attack that actually keeps momentum and flings you around. Like everything in the game it's slippery and totally jank but in a way that actually feels fun sometimes.

I even sprung for the "Team Attack Amigo" DLC (now only available on PS3!) which remixes the levels for play as Tails, Blaze, and Omega (aka projectile spam bot). I should say that each campaign takes you through the same nine levels, sometimes making them new, sometimes reusing whole segments which gets old. The lowest point of the low are the boss fights, another area where the phrase "barely functional" comes to mind. These are tedious to the extreme with a lot of waiting, and several of them recur in each campaign. The worst is fighting Silver, who can instantly grab you psychically and hold you for a long pause before throwing you, and then catch you again as you recover with no chance to make any input. Wonderful!

The elephant in the room for Sonic 06 is its performance. I guess being rushed to release in an unfinished state actually has its downsides, which take the form of horrendous slowdown throughout the entire game experience. Having seemingly almost any number of objects or any amount of level geometry on screen starts making the game chug, the action not dropping frames but rather slowing to a crawl as you agonisingly float mid-jump waiting for your next input to register. And this is despite having pretty severe pop-in not too far away from your character. For what's supposed to be a fast-paced action game it's frankly unforgivable. And speaking of things that you wish ran faster, the loading screens are interminable not just for their length but their frequency: deign to do a side mission and you'll sit through a long load both before and after a character gives a tiny snippet of dialogue until you're allowed to try it, and if you fail then get ready to do it all again! They really add up!

I could go on: the camera is atrocious, the music is forgettable, Elise is incredibly cringe-inducing—oh wait, I covered that already. To be fair there is one bright shining spot and it's from my new old friend Tomoya Ohtani: the main theme His World stands among my favourites from Forces, a strong melody that mixes rock and orchestral with even some rap and makes it work! Watching the credits four times may have been the most pleasant part and it's all thanks to this song. So that's my big takeaway from Sonic 06: the rumours are true, it sucks big time, don't play it unless you're a real loser like me who doesn't value their time, it's a monument to Sega's staggering incompetence, but hey this one song is really good, maybe give it a listen!

[ephemeral-ephemera]

I finished Macross 7 last night... What a ride. Absolutely fantastic show.

It's clearly not Gundam. The whole thing has a much lighter tone to it. Even in the direst of straits the main characters have serious plot armor going on. There's a lightness to the tone that somewhat negates whatever stakes are happening.

But that's OK. Not everything needs to be grimdark and serious. And I really appreciated the lighter tone.

It's fun to see Macross 7 really lean into the whole "power of music" angle. Right from the start our main character is just constantly singing. That's his whole shtick. Just always, always singing. Singing defeats enemies and heals the wounded. Singing is straight-up magic.

We've got a fantastic supporting cast. So much so that I'd almost say that Mylene and Gamelin feel like co-protagonists alongside Basara. They all get ample screen-time and plenty of character development.

Speaking of Mylene though... There's a couple aspects where the show hasn't aged great - and she's one of them. The character is canonically 14 (and a very young/innocent 14 at that) and gets kind of weirdly sexualized. I mean - just look at her outfit. Several men romantically pursue her. There's several scenes where she's shown to be naive about what man and women do in private. And then about halfway through the series the end-credits change to something very uncomfortably sexualizing Mylene. I guess maybe it's a product of its times? Or its culture? But I didn't love that aspect of it.

There's some really neat mecha designs. I love the weirdly-organic look of the ships in the Macross 7 fleet. And just the incredible scale of it all... Whole cities and forests built inside these massive ships. And, of course, there's all the transforming mecha. All the valkyries featuring several neat designs. We see some VF-17 and VF-22 fighters that remind me of the YF-19 and YF-21 fighters that we see in Macross Plus... But we also briefly see Miria in her VF-1J, which is fun. And, of course, the giant battleship can also transform into a humanoid mode to fire its giant cannon.

Throughout the whole show we get some fantastic music by Fire Bomber. It felt like we really got the same few songs on repeat for a while... But around the halfway point we start getting a lot more variety. And some of these songs are seriously catchy. A few of them have definitely made it into my Spotify rotation.

Really a genuinely fun show.

I didn't love how abruptly it all ended... We get the climactic battle with the big-bad, they're defeated, and then the credits roll. There isn't really a lot of resolution or anything. But I guess there's some supplementary material to watch - so maybe that will give me the closure I'm looking for.

[vole-mon-amour]

part 1.

what was THAT. so he saw Kostya's window and the evidence of Kostya watching him and suddenly went into a vampiric mode? why? he's not drinking blood for quite a while at that point. or is it like, "he has a lot of darkness in him"? bc we know he has a dark side, too.

it's really interesting, BTW, that Geser tells Anton not to start a relationship with Svetlana in the movie. while in the books it's basically faith and they almost* have to get together, whether they like it or not?

*almost because he can still choose. it's one of the possible resolutions. he can push Svetlana away and start a relationship with someone else. Zavulon, for example. or you know, stay single.

upd:

this time after Zavulon messaged him. 👀

upd2:

I still kinda ship them. Anton looking up and down Olga's neck. Oooh, what if he was thinking about the blood and biting? All. things considering.

the way the played this. yeah, I can totally believe this so Olga. I only wish they followed the book more closely. in the book Olga dressed in jeans and sneakers. not heels and a skirt. she thought it out. in the movie they want the audience to believe that it's a sudden move. in the heat of the moment, so to say.

"�� к Гесеру можно?" "Идите вы со своим Гесером." "Антон, вернись, тебя никто никуда не отпускал."

I'll take Anton being mad at Geser. <3 I'm yearning and longing for dark!Anton. He should have been the dark one. He should have worked with Zavulon.

Kick his ass. KICK HIS ASS, ANTON.

The body language and the way "Olga" acts COMPLETELY changed. Yeah, that was good acting. That arm on Semen's shoulder.

the mannerism. <3

this was supposed to be an orange cabriolet? how is this suddenly a daewoo matiz?

look at her. look how gorgeous she is. completely not the book Olga but damn. the actress is beautiful.

cowards. they should have let the women kiss and only THEN it would be Anton in his own body.

this movie does something weird to me. it has barely anything in common with the book, but then I can ship Olga with Svetlana. Alisa with Kostya, while in the book it's not a thing at ALL. this Zavulon is not the one in the book, but then the acting and some kind of charisma does work so that I see him as Zavulon.

but then I also ship Anton and Kostya. but then I want Anton to be with Zavulon because otp of all otps in this universe. 😫

I'm on the fence about all of this. I want it to be the book, but then it's not and it's better if I see it as its own thing, but then I want it to be the book and so on and so forth.

this is a VERY weird Alisa. while I can deal with the actor that plays Zavulon, the costume design department definitely ruined it all completely. Zavulon is supposed to wear suits, not sweatpants and tank tops. Alisa doesn't wear shit like this. and, as far as I remember, she has red hair in the book. dunno why they casted this woman to play Alisa.

women— how did I ever let myself believe I wasn't interested in women in a romantic way. women!!

sigh. I would still love to see the full scene. from my understanding of the interviews, they were fucking in the car. or at least there was some nudity.

the light one, mhm. dude, that is a very dark thing to do. there was no reason to give him the red eyes that he had when drinking blood to show through when he affects people to do what he wants. unless the intent was exactly this—to show the darkness within him.

oh, Kostya. what a drama queen.

"Завулон, мы его нашли! Дави его!" "Идиот! Он мне нужен живым. Погоняйте его пока, ребята."

Idk. From one hand, I can deal with this Zavulon. From another, it feels so OOC.

"uncle Zavulon" got presented with a chalk of faith.

"Ты не имеешь права его трогать." "А я и не трогаю."

And that's why he told Egor to give it to Alisa. Because he's smart enough to obey. To follow the contract. The funny thing is that when he's asked if he has the chalk and he denies it, he's not lying. HE doesn't have it. Egor does. I love Zavulon so much. He's a smartass but in a good way. He IS smart.

"Это мел судьбы. С его помощью можно исправить ошибки." "Ну и оставь его себе." "А как же вы?" "А мне он не нужен." "А вы что же, не совершаете ошибок?" "Просто я о них не жалею." "И что же мне с ним делать?" "Ну отдай его Алисе." "А она о чем жалеет?" "Ну о чем жалеют женщины?" "О любви."

I feel like he felt that she's in love with Kostya. While he needed someone to have the chalk, I feel like it was both his cruel game and his knowledge, or at least hope, that he'll get to kill him.

The way he looked at her when he told Egor to give the chalk to Alisa... Sometimes I feel like he doesn't love her, just wants to own her.

But then she says that she regrets about love and he immediately looks at her, does a double take. Wants to own her and so that she never ever belongs to anybody else? Never cheats?Keeps her head in the game, even though she doesn't really love him and wants to be with Kostya?

It's actually incredible the creators married Zavulon and Alisa in the movie. She's so much more younger in the books. And he's smarter than that. But then again, marriage is owning to him, "You're mine", all of that.

"И не трогай кольцо. Мне больно."

And yet, she still tries to divorce him through taking off the ring.

I have a lot of thoughts on the topic.

[phantalgia]

Something More?

I've been getting feelings of...something lately. Perhaps it's nothing new. Perhaps it's just something more intense. But I can't help but notice patterns and connecting dots that are trying to tell me something.

All of this, the world, the country, my own physical symptoms. The mental anguish of it all. Retrospectively, looking back at my life feels so...foggy and inconsistent. I’m not sure what I’m talking about specifically. But the music I've been listening to then, who I was then, what the world for me was then. It feel...I don’t know. Just not right. Maybe just in retrospect. Was I hiding something an inability to be honest?

The Normal Did Me No Good

Conflict. Trying to be normal. Or exceed a certain demand for society. Abstaining from certain things. Certain shows, movies, actions, colors, clothes. Of course that would show its cracks in subtle ways. How my taste in music evolved, my exploration with myself in what I wouldn't understand was a gender thing until years later.

Something more lies bellow. I know something or some things are being uncovered. And I know a something is guiding me towards these things. Was I meant to come here?

Music Had An Influence

Music is important in this aspect. I noticed a pattern in my music taste maybe even taste in art a little. Much of the music I listen to have melodic or lyrical patterns I boiled it down to: resilient, melancholic, romantic. They were further categorized into:

Resilience: resolutive, revelational, groovy, hopeful, free

Melancholic: haunting, disassociative, absurd, disturbing

Romantic: Dreamy, nostalgic

Some of these can overlap. But the point is, music is associated with certain modes of thought patterns and feelings. As well as any other stimuli in the environment of course.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. But the resilience and romantic parts are of importance here. As much of what I listened to back in the day was indie folk. Fleet Foxes. Or Of Monsters and Men. My taste in music would branch off to greater territory as I got older. Ranging from American Primitivism, other Americana genres, funk, rock, noise, soul, prog-rock, post-punk, post-rock, ambient, I could go on.

How Music Tied My Identity Toegether

But there's somethings that tie things together. Some feeling. It's like a tragic optimism I get. And a feeling of trying to get into the "groove" of things. I consider myself a hopeless romantic for certain things. My music exemplifies this.

But this feeling, it doesn't just exist in vaccum. It's a very real feeling deep inside. I’m in search of freedom and to let go of the past. To find something new. That's what ties these together. I mourn when I feel like I can't be free, I let the absurdity course through me, but oftentimes I just want to run and let everything go. The last part, even just uttering it creates a sense of something strong. It's pleasurable but sad.

So I want to "run and be free". What does that mean? Well I’m getting hints of it. In terms of identity. I’m building something. Perhaps I should have been able to build it much earlier. But, now is all I have. It feels...wrong and childish. Why now? Why not then?

When I look at childhood, and my teenage to young adult years I think of that as somebody else. How could that be me? Who was that? But they're not gone. They're still here. They come out sometimes, just differently.

My Search For Alternative Forms of Identity

I want something new. I’m unsatisfied. I want to find things deeper within myself. Craft my own belonging. I think the hints are in the music. See, gender is close, but there's something more. Belonging? Alternative forms of identity?

I cant do capitalism, hyperindividualism, white culture, cisheteronormativity. And I’m starting to wonder, if I can't even do human either. Maybe I can't do human in a semi sense. I’m not sure.

But these things, they can't just disappear overnight especially since it all groomed me. Which is why I haven't been able to let go of certain aspects of myself. It's reconciliation, maybe it's mourning. Because I’m killing the old me. This might take a life time.

Identifying With Being a Furry

Anyway, I've had this realization the other day about being in the furry fandom. I realized I can't relate to other furries in the fandom. To them, it's just a hobby, or maybe it's just a place to be an alter ego. To them it's escapism. But for me...it's the opposite of escapism. It's a critical part of identity formation.

Furries get this heightened sense of ego, or this exaggeration of a cartoon character that feels inauthentic. Like you have to be "UwU wholesome" or some shit. I can't do that. This is not what I get out of the furry fandom.

To some it's just a valid form artistic creativity, and this is much closer to how it feels but not close enough. No it's more than that it's identity. I identify with my fursona. Maybe not as, but with. Like all things with identity, this could change.

This makes sense that I would identify with my fursona. Because I’m very protective of it. I quite frankly, don’t even know what my fursona looks like. Which is why I’m learning to draw. I’m wanting to keep throwing shit at it and watch this thing evolve. Right now it's just floating in my head. I know basic ideas of it.

My Conflict With The Furry Fandom

So this puts me at odds with the fandom at large. I can't relate to a damn person in it. Because to them it's just hobby. It really is more than hobby for me. It's legit part of who I am. So what's the difference between a hobby and identity?

I think there's overlap. A hobby is a part of someone's identity, full stop. But it's not all of who they are. An identity may be a CRUCIAL part of somebody and still have room for "it's not all who they are". Gender, is it hobby or identity? It's a crucial aspect of somebody so it's a big part of who they are, still not ALL they are.

Most furries are hellbent on disconnecting themselves from it being identity. But that doesnt make sense to me. It's still part of identity formation. And if being a furry is all a person is, who cares? I think of many of the great musicians still living today from the 60s-70s, all their life is music. What's wrong with that? Again, it's not all. But it's a MAJOR part of identity to them. They're still out there doing concerts. So why do I identify with being a furry?

Why Identify With Being a Furry?

Because it resembles a higher place of being. It's that freedom I spoke of earlier. The desire to just run free. At deep spirtual level, I can feel my sona playing around in my head. It's like a part of who I am, who I should be. Taking my hand and guiding me. It's not something thought of all the time. But in certain contexts, it gets called upon. As the day ends and I lay in bed, I think of it and where it's taking me. It's potential untapped. It's the best self I could be, it keeps me going every day. Because this part of me is so important. It's authenticity.

Forever I just felt so dishonest with myself. But this makes me feel like I could finally. I kept denying liking furry art forever, and noticing how much people were just so different in a cool way. When I invited that into my life finally I still felt disatsifed because of the ego flexing, and this bullshit idea of "escapism"

Escapism Vs. Idealism, It's Neither

It's really not escapism, it's a valid part of forming culture, identity, belonging, community. It's not so much a hobby as it is an aspect of the self that just varies from person to person. That's why I’m not a caricature when I think of my fursona. It literally is me, or "hyperme".

I’m not escaping anything. I’m recognizing the reality of the world, I’m taking that with me and I’m understanding it through the lens of my fursona. Escapism is just too dangerous in a time like this. Which is why these alternative forms of identity may be needed. It opens the door to untapped potential in a hostile human world.

Is it idealism? I don’t think so. We transform our world through our actions. The material world enters our mind, we make sense of it, we test it, and go through the cycle again. Part of identity is understanding this relationship for me. Part of what has influenced it has been others I've associated with. It's only natural to mimic what others do, you both form each other.

Alterhuman?

I’m now wondering if this is just alterhuman feelings. Because this need, desire for something above now is so strong. I find peace in many of these worlds I imagine myself in. I can't get it out of being human. Not that it ain't human, it's in the name, alterhuman.

I just don’t know what it is. I've been experimenting with "it" as a pronoun with a friend who also uses "it". And it feels fairly neutral. Maybe it feels like I’m less associated with the aspects of being human I don’t like. It helps disconnect myself from human for a while. Even if it's just feeling.

I've spent some time in alterhuman spaces, whether I’m trying to find belonging, or this is genuine curiosity about myself, or the act of me being in those spaces is imposing an idea about me I won’t know. But it doesn't invalidate it either. Again, we're molded by who we associate with.

There is something about it that does feel much closer. Maybe because it's just so niche? It's hard to pinpoint. But the urge to just jump to something different is so intense. I've felt it and denied it for years and years. Not specifically alterhuman per se. But just a general sense.

Alterhuman, Neurodivergency, and Guidance

So my doctor really thinks I’m on the spectrum. I think we can take this as some indication as to why being human just didn't feel too right. And oftentimes my ability to just relate to others feels like I’m associated with aliens.

So things like queerness and alterhuman come in to help explain these things. Of course I could just go "oh it's my autism that just makes me feel like this and it's wrong to feel like that, so I'll stop". But I’m not that.

Instead, alterhuman, queerness. It's all tools to navigate the world for an autistic individual. But more than that it's integral aspect of identity for when the norm doesnt fit.

I’m not falling down that scientism trap. That whole thing with scientism, rationalism, functionalism, modernity is all interesting. And I want to get into that more at some point.

But the point is, reducing things down to an actual scientific explaination is just not helpful. Science and certain authoritative fields needs to stay out of subjective and intersubjective experience. Not that they can't provide explainations, just that they can't dictate individual experience. Especially in context with the dominant culture as a "default" mode of being. Side rant over.

Conclusion

I’m still experimenting, trying to understand parts of myself. It's all going to take time. But I know I’m close to something. And I need to keep moving. I really feel as though alterhuman might make sense for me.

All of these things, feeling scripted growing up, having these physical stuff happen, finally unmasking. I feel like I’m more able to see another portion of myself I wasnt aware of. Even if it still remains a haze. Time will tell...