#Regaining Confidence

[renirossi]

I give up.

Over the last couple years I have done everything I thought I was supposed to be doing to thrive on what I love most: drawing.

It has been a challenge on so many levels; posting regularly on every platform I know, trying (and failing) to make cute videos or watch-my-process sort of thingies, deep dives into every fandom I'm a part of, engaging with my lovely followers, etc.

But unfortunately, and even though I did get a moderate amount of success through all of these combined, it has taken a huge toll on my mental health and at some point I just lost it.

I lost the joy, the inspiration and the drive. I now constantly stress over what to draw, how to make it look good and better yet - how to make it marketable, likeable, retweetable. It got to the point where my once happy place became a dark shadow looming over me, urging me to gain more followers and interactions. And it sucks.

So this is me letting go - I'm not finished with drawing, don't get me wrong. But I have to fall in love with it all over again, and to do that I have to give up on it and start anew.

So I guess this is me introducing myself once again.

Hi, I'm Reni. I'm an illustrator, I hope you enjoy my drawings as much as I enjoy making them.

[gnomeyflamingo]

✮ Regaining Confidence ✮

And (finally) we return to the same room we left Atreo in, around 3 sim days ago...

Brielle: “Atreo? Sweetie?”

Atreo: *depressed silence*

Brielle: “I know you’re struggling sweetie but you can’t stay in your room forever… It’s Acco’s birthday party today, it would mean a lot to him if you could be there-”

Atreo: “Go away Mum. I can’t face the world without Asmara.”

Brielle: “But you haven’t broken up, or argued, or even talked since-”

Atreo: “I know what I did to her. I cheated on her even though I said I never would. I wasn’t strong enough-”

Brielle: *sighs* “Oh sweetie… Can you at least have a shower?”

Atreo: “No, it’s all too much.”

Alejandro: "Atreo's still not coming out of his room?"

Brielle: "No. By the Watcher, it can’t be a moodlet issue right? We don’t even grieve our departed loved ones this long. Could he be glitched?”

Alejandro: "Maybe? My turn to try I guess.”

Brielle: “Good luck honey."

Alejandro: *knocks* “Atreo, it’s me, Papi, I’m respecting your privacy by knocking, but I’m still coming in no matter what you say.”

Atreo: “Ugghhhh no just let me be.”

Alejandro: “Oof, it smells SO bad in here-”

Atreo: *sarcastically* “Thanks Alejandro.”

Alejandro: “Buddy, we’re all worried about you, please talk to me.”

Atreo: “Fine. I messed up and now my life’s ruined.”

Alejandro: “It can’t be as bad as all that…”

Atreo: “But it is! I cheated on Asmara with Derya and I then turned one of the Watcher’s friends into a dragon toy.”

Alejandro: “Uhm okay, is that teenage slang for something or-?”

Atreo: “No, I was rude to her in my dream and she turned into a dragon toy! And then the Watcher and their other friend cursed me.” *sobs*

Atreo: “Right… You’re definitely going through a lot-”

Atreo: “Yes! And nobody understands! I’m all alone, just screwing up everything!”

Alejandro: “You’re not alone. Your family’s here and we love you.”

Alejandro: “So the Watcher, what do they want from you exactly?”

Atreo: “For me to complete my aspiration!”

Alejandro: “And you don’t want to?”

Atreo: "I used to at but then Asmara became my gf and now... I don't know anymore."

Alejandro: “You need to trust yourself buddy. Fight your doubts. You’re a self assured romantic! Go out there and convince Asmara that you want to work on your relationship, or ask her to be just friends for now while you figure things out.”

Alejandro: “You’re still a teen. Being confused and finding yourself are all part of your life stage.”

Atreo: “That’s…Good advice actually. Thanks Papi.”

Alejandro: “Was that ironic or-”

Atreo: “No, I meant it.”

Alejandro: “I am the happiest sim in the world right now."

A little later downstairs…

Acco: “I don’t get why Atreo’s depressed? Did Asmara catch him cheating?”

Brielle: “Nope.”

Acco: “So…Uh why is he sad?”

Brielle: “Your Papi said he isn’t glitched and the Watcher cursed him, so I assume it’s all part of a story arch.”

Atreo: *sigh* “I’m here.”

Alejandro: “What a relief!”

Brielle: “Oh thank goodness. Remember to be nice to your brother Acco.”

Acco: “Don’t worry Mum, we bonded over collective trauma.”

Alejandro: “Did the shower and changing out of your 3-day old nightwear make you feel a bit better?”

Atreo: “I guess so… I’m still upset but you were right, I’m a self assured romantic. It’s time to act on my traits and moodlets. I also ran out of days I can be off school.”

Brielle: “I’m happy you’ve come downstairs sweetie, I was worried sick. Do you need anything? A moodlet solver? A happy potion? I have SO many reward points.”

Atreo: “No thanks Mum, I’ll be okay.”

Alejandro: “Happy birthday sunshine. You excited about your party at the Pier?”

Acco: “I am!”

Atreo: “Yeah happy birthday accomplished stink bottom. May your party suck less than mine.”

Acco: “Really? You’re starting with the name calling again? I thought we were good now!”

Atreo: “We are! I’m using it as an affectionate tease. Believe me, I no longer blame you for the problems in my life. It’s all the Watcher and their annoying friends' fault”

Acco: “Okay…”

Brielle: “Woah sweetie, dial back the Watcher blame please.”

Atreo: “I don’t care anymore. I’m following Papi’s advice and I’ve decided I’m now very confident.”

Alejandro: “Papi… Still music to my soul.”

Acco: “Can we go to my Pier party soon? I’m starving!”

Brielle: “Here take this gift from the magical pile first, I wonder what it’ll be this time.”

Acco: “Hope it’s not dog poo again, I won’t be particularly happy about it.”

Atreo: “Wh-What is that dragon toy doing here? I sold it, I know I did!”

*Dragon toy stares in silent, sinister judgement*

Brielle: “Huh? But that’s Spicy Dragon!”

Acco: “He’s losing it.”

Atreo: “Omw no! Papi, I told you about this, it’s one of the Watcher’s friends!”

Alejandro: “Don’t be silly buddy, you’ve had Spicy D since you were a baby!”

Atreo: *mutters in growing terror* “What kind of dark mind bending magic is this- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

*family hovers and T-poses*

Atreo: “AHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Alejandro: “Buddy are you okay?!”

Brielle: “Sweetie can you tell us why you’re suddenly cowering in abject horror?”

Acco: “What’s happening? Did you get a fear of birthday décor or something?”

Atreo: “Oh no THIS is the curse isn’t it? How… Annoying!”

To be continued...

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❧ Back to the Legacy Archive

[arilovescookies]

Life update (positive vent???)

I felt tired for a long, long time. No matter how much I slept, no matter whether I stayed at home all day or went out, I was still very tired. This went on for a few months, if I remember correctly, and recently I have the strength to do things and I am slowly making progress to finish the outstanding school work. I'm happy that I am slowly regaining my strength :333 I also decided to try to quit my nicotine addiction. Wish me luck :33

[helenwhiteart-blog]

The pitfalls of identification with a label and the power of positivity

Labels can be useful for identifying, explaining, pooling information, finding things out...but they also come with risks. Exploring how to use them (with caution) and also the power of positivity as a transformational tool for breaking out of any boxes.

I wrote, just yesterday, about the importance of using the most appropriate label for a condition and I really meant what I said about how it can make a big difference. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) feels like an extremely tired (excuse the pun) label for what I prefer to now think of as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) because “tiredness” doesn’t even begin to cover what the condition entails so…

[opal-owl-flight]

Nightmare.

4 has doubts shortly after her confession to 3 about whether theyre going to stay, or leave her for 8 the second they realize that shes simply "the better option".

(Btw lines are from here!)

[mananea]

Lenalee as suggested by dgmtwt 👠

[tinartss]

on moving out

[footsteps-on-the-dance-floor]

on a personal journey to get hot again

[esshades]

He is here, everybody

[odd-critter]

oops all tmbg

[fitnessregain]

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[taryn40k]

(HE KNOWS!!) Inquisitor March is very dedicated to his carriere, and he is very hard to impress. However, he has requisitioned the ship of a Rogue trader, and has been essentially using it as his own for years, and some people think that it is strange that despite the constant nagging like an old couple, those two are still working together and making a good team... The rogue trader has tried kicking him off his ship multiple times. March keeps walking back in like he just got home from work. So... You've got some competition. Maybe. XD

[smolghostbot]

I’ve been thinking of a post I made ages ago where I promised that if sprites at large were discovered, things would work out idealistically. At the same time, I have super mixed feelings about how “full” mixed-size integration would work (which I’m not going into).

The end result is this little concept AU about what life would be like when sprites are a known thing.

======

“Um… hello there,” spoke Vivian to her seemingly empty new apartment. “I’m, um, just moving in. The landlord said there may be sprites here, so I just wanted to let you know that, um, I’m nice! Promise. If you ever need anything, just let me know.”

There was no response. Vivian knew that sprites could be fickle with showing themselves to humans. Though some sprites made themselves known, living alongside humans openly, others still preferred to stay hidden, sticking to “the old ways”. Vivian didn’t know what kind of people her new roommates were, but decided to be cordial regardless. After all, they were here first.

“Okay, um, I’m going to bring my stuff in now.”

-

It had been a month or so since Vivian had moved in, and she still hadn’t seen her sprite roommate. She did know they were around, as she had noticed some small objects disappearing here and there. She had concluded that her roommate, or roommates, were old-fashioned, which was fine by her.

“Some older sprites struggle with unlearning a lifetime of learning to fear humans,” said the Youtuber that Vivian was watching, a sprite influencer who recorded videos alongside her human girlfriend. “Remember, if you have sprites living with you, respect their privacy and they’ll respect yours.”

-

As a peace offering, Vivian left out a small piece of dark chocolate, sitting on the counter on top of its wrapper. She began to speak, to nobody in particular, hoping that the sprite would hear her.

“I, uh, heard sprites like chocolate. At least, a friend told me that it helped them get along with their roommate. Um, if you don’t like it, just leave it there and I can get you something else. No pressure to show yourself or anything, I just… want to be a good roommate, I guess.”

The next morning, the chocolate was gone, with a small note written on the wrapper. As it was written in Sprite Script, Vivian had to pull up a translation guide, but was pleased with what the note said.

“Thank you.”

[fisherrprince]

Ari experiencing self-recognition through the other (derogatory) multiple times in a row

[theramblingsofadork]

An AU moment where Dr. Starline pops off on Eggman regarding their time together post the events of Issue 50.

Everyone has a threshold of what they can tolerate and put up with. And after the disrespect he put Starline through, I imagine that once the platypus finally gets over his crushing loss and is reminded what actual respect and comradery looks like, he would have quite a few choice words to say to his now once-idol.

*Textless ver. and extended rant/fanfic under the cut!

Music: Second Wind - Sonic Frontiers

“AND ANOTHER THING, DOCTOR!" Starline barked furiously, his once tentative words now having raised into a full on shout as the platypus regained his full confidence back to stand up to the man in front of him. "I thought that you were someone worth idolizing... Your brilliance and genius were unmatched and unparalleled by anyone! I aspired to be just like you!

"But now I can see that, at the end of the day, you're little more than a pompous, CALLOUS, old man, with a repugnant disposition towards everyone, be it friend or foe!! And I was a fool to spend so much of my precious time trying to placate and win your approval!!"

It was cathartic to be finally be able to speak out to him. So freeing to finally be able to break free from the blinding, lifelong admiration that Starline had held of Eggman; of the man whom he had shaped his entire life and ideologies around. Of the man that had humiliated and defeated him, not once, but twice. It was a conversation that he knew after his defeat he may have never been able to bring himself to have, did he not have Rivet and Hex’s steadying presence at his back. Mentally holding him firm in the future and giving him something to fall back upon as he now severed the last remaining ties to his former aspirations and fallacies. Letting what little bit that remained of his once firm and steadfast foundation crumble away and fall beneath his feet.

He would not go back. He would not apologize. Whatever happened now was up to him, and would not be done in any way, shape, or form for the sake of someone who did not care for anyone but himself. He refused to let it be.

And despite the quiver of terror and dread radiating through his body at the sight of Eggman's looming form grinning above him-reminding him of the day he had lost it all- Starline was able to keep himself standing firm.

When he was finally finished with his long winded tirade, Eggman acknowledged his words by tilting his head, the doctor's glasses glinting and reflecting orange light despite the cold shadows casting upon him. And he said, in a tone laced with sardonic amusement and fascination,

"Well now! Finally grew a spine, I see!! And all that it took was a couple hundred pounds of concrete... How ironic. Here I thought that was supposed to be the other way around. You certainly do know how to surprise me, doctor."

"Screw.. you." Starline growled out between tightly grit teeth as his body shook from the immense weight of his emotional outburst.

As dismissive and nerve grating as Eggman's statement was, it was still acknowledgement, no matter how small. And at one time, it would have been enough to make the platypus' tail start to wag.

But now? Starline couldn't find it in himself to care. He was done. He had said his peace, and Eggman's words meant nothing to him any more.