#SHES ALWAYS SO FUN TO DRAW... even though my style for her is inconsistent to shit i cannot figure out her face sometimes

[nuggnugget]

HAPPY MAYDAY DAY YIPPIE WAHOO I can also post sum older art of her here with this outfit... cuz yuhhh

i love them rockstars... i want mayday to do tatianas makeup so badly

+ extra quick doodles for today theyre kinda shitty but im lazy

[last-ofthe-realones]

I need a place to yap ab my demon slayer ocs and I've chosen tumblr as my victim so get ready

Say hello to Kei Igarashi (born Kei Imamura) and Jun Igarashi. I'm gonna give a brief over view of their backstories as well as a few fun facts.

╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗

Without spoiling too much, this story begins with Kei being adopted by her aunt when she was an infant. Unfortunately, Keis aunt was alone in raising her as her husband was murdered shortly beforehand. Her and Kei lived together on a rice farm in peace, where Kei displayed signs of having an unusually high Iq and agility. One evening Kei's mother (her aunt) left her to watch the farmhouse while she investigated claims of demons living on their farm in secret. Unfortunately for Kei this would be the last time she sees her mother.

Kei spent several days attempting to maintain the farm in vain as she's only 7 years old at this time. One night Kei was woken up to a demon standing over her, watching her sleep. After a short scuffle, Kei ended up burning her home to the ground but ultimately overpowered by the demon. Moments before she was consumed, she was saved by a mysterious man with a sword.

This man was Tarō Igarashi, a demon slayer. Out of pity Tarō took Kei to his home, the Igarashi mansion where she met his wife and child, Momoe and Jun. Little did the Igarashi family know, Kei was carrying a disease that cause Momoe to fall ill. Shortly after Kei's arrival, Momoe succumbed to her illness and passed.

Tarō was so overcome with grief and fury that he threw Kei out of the mansion die in the wild. Or at least that's how it should have gone if he hadn't found Kei in the courtyard the next day gripping onto a hairpin so hard her hands began dripping blood. Kei explained that she dropped the hairpin after Tarō kicked her out and she snuck back in to get it. Tarō was so impressed with Kei breaking into their impenetrable mansion that he decided not only to let her stay, but that he was going to train her to become a demon slayer along with Jun.

╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝

So if you didn't guess already, Kei is going to be my main focus of the story. Dont worry though I will give my boy Jun some love I just need to flesh out his character more.

.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅. .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.

SO! FACTS TIME(^.^)

Since Jun and Kei were taught by Tarō, they both use smoke breathing which derives from Flame breathing. However, both of them have very different fighting styles and utilize their breathing forms differently

Jun is transgender (ftm) and bisexual w a male preference. Kei is a lesbian (I'm projecting)

Both Jun and Kei fight w 2 weapons. Kei uses one normal sized sword and one that is almost sawed in half(its closer in size to a dagger). Jun fights w 2 swords but they can be combined to form one large one. No I cannot draw so I can't provide an example.

My story takes place during the events of the demon slayer anime but they won't have much interactions w Tanjiro (as of right now)

Jun is 27 years old during at this point in the story and Kei is 25

Jun and Kei will be able to speak on this page! Ik there's not a lot of ppl following me but if you ask a question directed to either of them, they will answer in character!

Kei will always write in Orange and sign off with a♡. Jun will write in blue and sign off with☆.

Dont be afraid we won't bite!

Speak for yourself.

Well I won't bite..

DAMN this post was longer than I thought it'd be sorry there's so much. Unfortunately this only scrapes the surface of what I have in store for them but luckily for everyone I'm inconsistent and will probably write their lore in lil drabbles.

[toxic-potions-productions]

Wake up! It's 'da first 'a the month year!

Hello, everyone! If this is your first time stopping by, then welcome! Please leave your shoes at the door If you're already following or have been a long-time follower, then Happy new year!

Anyways, to all the newbies, hi! My name is Toxic, or you can call me Z if you want. Welcome to my Tumblr! I will leave this pinned for the rest of January, so everyone can read this if they want

Please read the entire thing if you weren't able to read my blog description (Any & all headers seen in this post ALL go to their respective creators, I just wanna jazz up this post a little)

A few things about the person behind the blog!

I am 21 years of age, who's currently building a resistance to alcohol. The only thing I'm liking so far is Simply spiked peach, even though that's piss weak with alcohol. I just like it cuz it's peach ^^"

I'm Lesbian, who might also be Demisexual. It would make sense if I was, but Lesbian is the most concrete one for my sexuality

To those that don't wanna assume my gender & also don't know what I identify as, feel free to use They/Them! I don't mind But, my pronouns are, in fact, She/Her. I just don't mind They's as a grey area. As long as you don't use He/Him, then I honestly don't care what you wanna address me as

I mostly dress in darker colors since that's more my style, & I also wear pants alot, as well as long sleeve shirts or t-shirts, & baggy clothes like oversized hoodies & such. No, I'm not insecure of my body, or myself as a whole, I just love wearing clothes like that since they're super comfortable & are just very me (& I'm also just too lazy to shave my legs LMFAO)

Despite that, my taste in everything is all over the place. I listen to a cluster of different genres, dress in alot of different styles (Except for skirts, cuz gross), so I'm a bit inconsistent with it. But, you will see me in pants, sneakers, boots, & just overall darker colors the most

I got a pretty bad potty mouth, so sorry in advance for how much I swear in these posts =w='

My favorite colors are Purple, Black, & Red (In that order), & OGs will know my Teal phase. Ohh, boy........

I have a big appetite (My nickname in my house is "The bottomless pit", to anyone that cares), so I'll eat basically anything. Potatoes, Hot dogs, burgers, onion rings, you name it. But, my FAVORITE of all time is a good old plate of spaghetti & meatballs. I tear it up every single time, & it always slaps 😩👌 However, I have major beef with cauliflower. I fucking hate cauliflower so much My preference is all three things (Sweet, spicy, savory, things like that), but I love spicy food the most

I was born & raised in Monroe, Michigan (Yes, it's just as boring out here as you think-), but I'm of Irish, Scottish (& a little Dutch & Polish) ethnicity. I wanna go there so badlyyyyyyyy TwT I can only understand & speak English, so sorry to any foreigners that wanna follow me. I tried to learn a second language before, but I gave up after struggling with Norwegian for years. Not my best moment. I DO know a tiny bit of Irish, but that's only greetings, so IDK if that counts

I draw, I play games sometimes, & I do Gacha stuff when I'm way too lazy to draw. The mod I use the most is Gacha Nebula, but I do test out other ones occasionally just for the fun of it. If anyone has Gacha mods you think I would like, hit me up I'm old-school, so the drawing program I use for my art is MS paint. I also edit them with Pixlr E & FireAlpaca when the file is too big I miiiiiight post an occasional cover, but I wouldn't get excited over that. I'm not much of a singer, & I sound pretty shitty, so that will be very rarely you hear me sing. I'm pretty sure I'm a little tone deaf, anyway, so there's that. Sorry ^^"

I have alot of favorite movies, some animated some not. Like Aladdin (The animated one), Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Nightmare before Christmas, things like that. But, my absolute favorite one is Sleepy Hollow (1999). I've rewatched that movie, like, ten times by now

& last but not least, I was born on October 26, 2003 (so a Sunday to anyone that was keeping track). Which makes me a proud Scorpio ♏

What is this blog about, you ask?

Well, it's basically just a clusterfuck of anything I like. Demon slayer, Hazbin hotel, Homicipher, Helluva boss, Undertale, TADC, BATIM, Sally Face, literally anything I think is cool But, this blog mostly centers around Demon slayer, as well as my oc's from both the anime & just ones out in the open for the fun of it. Like, the incubi boys, for example! Go check out the #the incubi boys tag to see three of my favorite oc's I've created

I do have a few au's of different media, like my revamped Undertale au "ElementTale", & my KNY au "Sun breathing prodigy", but other than that, it's mostly my oc's in the mostly canon world Somethings in said stories deal with some pretty dark topics, so please be warned if you're sensitive to that

Fair warning, my blog is very 18+, as well as all of my other blogs, so have your actual age in your description or else you will be blocked. I check every single blog that follows me, so don't lie about your age just to follow me. That applies to the rest of my blogs I've made before. I also don't allow homophobia, racism, TERFs, pedophiles, pornbots, negativity, self promotion, scams, hate blogs, MAPs, politics, or anything else I might've missed. This blog is to get away from that, not to consume more of it You will also never know my views on things like presidency or anything involving the Government since it's not my place to share it online to strangers. However, my advice to give would be to simply do your own research on it instead of believing anything you see. I've said that before & I'll say it forever

My posts might include some of those for backstories & such, but that's the only time you'll see them. & I know minors are gonna follow me, anyway, but if they do, don't interact with any of my content with any of the mature labels on them

However, don't follow me if you're not going to interact with me. I want followers that like my posts & not just stick around just to follow me. That's been a bit of an issue, so please keep that in mind. Massive props to the ones that do, you guys rock

For some honorable mentions:

I'm doing alot of things with my mutuals/friends here on Tumblr, so please go check out their blogs, as well! These two are the goats 🙏🏻

@dorkycreature-89 I'm helping him with their little story on AO3 involving some old characters from our old FNW39 timelines (Who remembers that era?), so go check him out & tell him I sent you!

@happilylazycreator She's been around since the Amino days, & now that we've both left that platform, she's honestly been a personal rock to me. She doesn't post alot that isn't reblogs, so if you could go boost her posts & give her some encouragement for me, that would be great <3

Where else on Tumblr & my other Social medias can you find me?

I have a bunch of other blogs as well as other Social medias that you can find, but here's my blogs first:

You're already on my main!

@scribbles-i-call-art It started off as an art reblog thing, but now it's basically a place to organize my art & help people find them easier

@luxurious-anger This is an Obey me OC RP blog that I made out of impulse since I thought it was fun. I don't know much about Obey me, but I'm enjoying the blog so far, so that counts as something, I think

& any other social medias I have can all be found on my Linktree ↓

& that's it! Personal note here, I wanna thank you all for sticking around as long as you did despite how inconsistent this blog is. Anything you mention me in, like fanart or whatever, it always makes me happy to see what you guys can do. Thank you very much for your support, & thank you to anyone who stopped by & followed me. Happy 2025!

[jacksmusesdrv3]

To me tsumugi in fandom is part of the bigger problem that everything tsumugi said in the chapter 6 trial is believed at face value. Which I don't agree with at all, especially considering that Saihara himself says in the epilogue that tsumugi 'might' have been lying and that it's a shame we 'can't check the prologue again to compare it to tsumugis version of events'. Like that seems like a pretty big hint from the author themselves that we shouldn't just believe tsumugi. Did almost nobody in fandom pick up on this? Clearly the prologue contradicts tsumugi too. Anyway, my theory is that every game the mastermind randomly picks someone to take on the role of the 'ringleader' by brainwashing them with the flashback lights, because it's more fun for the audience to have a guessing game who the traitor is. Afterall in the 'original' two games the mastermind was not someone from the participants. I think tsumugi was a normal person in the prologue up until the point where they got the first flashback light and then simply got both the role of 'ultimate cosplayer' and 'ringleader' in that moment. Considering she got executed after the 6th trial it would be reasonable that the ringleader always gets executed at the end like junko was and so you would need a new ringleader for every game. What do you think about tsumugis role?

Yeah, like seriously, I don't get why people think that Epilogue was made if not to cast actual doubt on the circumstances? I can understand being tired by the inconsistencies and whatever because there are a lot of variables, and it's something best filled in with one of those light novels- like DR0 did for DR1/DR2- because otherwise it's like. Trying to make a whole got damn backstory for V3 and its ridiculousness. So I understand why people might prefer the 'all fiction' ending, I just don't understand why they're so sure of it to the degree where it's become such a 'sticking point', really

Werewolf/Mafia-style role picking is an interesting take I gotta say, and it sounds like it could be fun to mess with, though I never believed that the Ultimate thing had anything to do with 'roles', but that the first Flashback Lights were bringing back memories that they already had (a limited amount of them, but memories nonetheless) so a role-shuffling thing is not one that ever crossed my mind even in the early days. Anyone else thought of that one?

As for Tsumugi, I believe she was the second survivor of the last game (since Kiibo was exclusive to V3's game- as said in that last trial), and she was messed with by Monokuma to present as a stand-in 'proxy' for him. I know brainwashing might be a bit cheap by now, but the choice of character to (torture and) brainwash is very apt especially if she had wound up betraying the others in the past as well, what with possibly being an international spy (as she joked- though I doubt it's a joke). And it's just, the added insult to injury for her because at the end she looks so lost, even aside from just being 'plain', she had no sense of identity left underneath her Junko. Maybe she didn't even realise who she was even until the very end

At the least, I believe that what had happened here is some reflection of what had been happening in the still-missing memories- which involves Ouma as well, and is the reason why he's been hiding things from everyone. This makes the thing feel more cohesive to me because then there is some genuine consequence, resulting in Ouma being super passive-aggressive at times and other times just losing it, for reasons we can't fully know but can make reasoned guesses at his motive. It adds more weight to that anger, his role of scapegoat, and that's the thing that draws me to pick at him this way. Alas with Tsumugi I'm less inclined because I don't feel that kind of presence with her, even as a so-called ringleader which kind of sucks. I already doubted the fiction from the start so that didn't help either...

That was a bit of a tangent but rip, anyway thanks for the ask Anon!

[rsgguk]

true love, almost always — jjk

↳ aka — 'cause baby you're perfect for me

summary: y/n didn't know much about her soulmate. She knows that he's artistic from the little doodles that appears on her arm. She knows he's athletic from the scrapes that appears on her knees. She also knows that he has pain in the ass friends from the random dick drawings that appears on her forehead

genre: romance, angst, comedy, fluff

word count: 5.8 k

pairings:

Jungkook + reader | soulmates

warnings: so let me tell you, this is probably gonna be a bit inconsistent, I had written most of this during the middle of the night when I had a severe case of the feels. Now this isn't my usual style of writing, most things are in passive form because I'm trying to focus more on how they feel. I’m not sure if I’ll ever go back to this writing style but I had fun generally not worrying on the dialogue.

Y/n didn't know much about her soulmate. In a system where everything marked on your soulmates skin crosses on yours, she knows from the seemingly many doodles that appears on the plan of her hand that he is an artistic person. She knows from the way her knees would appear scraped at times meant that he was either athletic or desperately clumsy. She knows that by the scar that daunted on her cheek that he got in a ’fight’ with his brother. She also knows from the random dick drawings that appear on her forehead that he has the most chaotic of friends.

Jungkook would like to say he knew a lot about his soulmate. He knows by the way tiny little hearts would appear near his doodles that she wasn't the most artsy person in the world, but she could draw a damn to near perfect heart. He knows by the way that small little freckles would gloss over his skin that she was an outgoing person. He knows by the way that shallow cuts would appear on his arms and fingers that she had an asshole cat. He also knows that by the way tiny reminders would appear on his palm that she had a knack for forgetting things (he also knows that her handwriting might be the cutest thing he'd ever seen, but he may be a little biased).

They're sober to the fact that the other exist by the time they're 11. Jungkook was bored in class and started drawing little clouds, trees, the sun with shades on, the whole package on his arm. And then on the expanse of his palm would appear in large curvy letters, 'can you draw a cat?'.

He thinks back to the day and guesses that he didn't really understand the extremity of the situation back then. Everyone had a soulmate, but it was the first time he'd actually 'talked' to his.

He didn't gasp or scream or shed a tear, only complying with her request and drawing a cute little cat next the tree trunk. He'd think he was hallucinating about the request until he watched as a ribbon was drawn and coloured in the middle of the cat's head.

The next week, he would have a fight with his brother that had ended in him getting a cut on his cheek. He doesn’t worry about it, only locking himself in his room and sulking in his sheets. It’s when a few words appeared on his palm that he finally sat up with a smile on his lips. She would write down if he was okay because a cut had appeared on her cheek.

‘I’m sorry’ he’d write.

‘it’s okay my daddy said I look cool’ she would reply, and his cheeks would flush because his mom had always said that a woman’s face was her pride. Jungkook had never understood it back then, because if he could be covered in dirt after a fun game of soccer, and still be called adorable, why should it matter what a girl’s face looked like?

She’d ask what happened and Jungkook would bite down an embarrassed whine. ’My brother said I played with the computer too much so I threw a pen at him’.

‘did you win?’ She’d ask a second later.

’No it hit the floor and bounced to my face’.

‘and then he laughed at me’

‘your brother sounds stupid’

‘he is stupid’

They didn't talk more than that, they were still young and the whole soulmates thing hadn't made sense yet. Jungkook still drew his doodles on his arm and she'd add little details (mostly hearts) around them, a tiny reminder that she was there.

It was barely considered a means of communication but it had morphed into a sense of comfort for Jungkook. He draws the little doodles, sometimes it was of a cat (He would never admit it but he'd learn how to draw a cat because he knew she liked cats). And each time without fail, she'd draw a tiny ribbon on its head.

And then Jungkook entered high-school and he met his friends. His stupid, chaotic, love them to death friends and his soul mate was still there, drawing little heart across his skin. The boys say its cheesy (as cheesy as it is to the fact that she's literally his soul mate) but he really hadn't given a shit.

He'd considered himself a romantic throughout the years, although he's gotten not a single bit of experience, he cries at the ending of titanic every single time and his ideal way of proposal is during the sunset walking across the shoreline of the beach, nightlights littered in the scenery and him on one knee, asking to marry his one and only soulmate.

He tries his best to keep up a mature kind of facade for his soul mate. Afterall, that was what they were into right? Older and more mature men. Sure, they'd like bad boys too, but honestly Jungkook bruises like a peach. His act of maturity consists of drawing thing with 'deeper meaning'. And yes, maybe a cat surfing on the beach tides has a deeper meaning, you never know.

His act is ruined when one day, he falls asleep during lunch after a long night of overwatch (in which he dominated by the way) and wakes up to Taehyung snickering beside him, looking at him with the largest shit eating grin he’d ever seen. Jungkook would shake his head and roll his eyes, dismissing whatever it was that he did.

Later during class, everyone kept giving him weird looks, and his teacher even laughed at the sight of him. It wasn’t until multiple frowney faces appeared on his arm that he really realized that something was wrong. His heart skipped a beat when he answered back with question marks written along her doodles.

‘there’s a dick drawing on my forehead :(’ she’d rely with the same curvy letters he’d gotten used to. And then there was a sound that had left his mouth. A mix between an angry scream and a surprised gasp with a little bit of an embarrassed groan. He’d then realize he was still in the middle of class and that every one of his classmates were staring at him.

His teacher would give him some sort of look between annoyed and amused, and finally asks ’so you finally realized huh?’. Jungkook would splutter on his words and immediately turn towards Jimin and Taehyung. It was barely a second before Jimin had shook his head and pointed at Taehyung. He would finally lift his hand off his mouth and bursts out laughing for a minute or two before outright choking, tears in his eyes.

That day, Jungkook along with Taehyung and (for some reason) Jimin would be sent to the discipline teacher. Jungkook wouldn’t give a shit about being sent to devil’s incarnate, only silently punching Taehyung’s shoulder and cussing it out at him for making him look like a fool to his soulmate.

When he’s home (after a lecture from his mom, a pat on the back from his dad and a high five from his brother), he locks himself in his bedroom and takes a pen from his bag, writing apologies all over his arm. She’d reply a minute later, saying it was okay.

His fingers would then drum along his arm, his leg jumping up and down, trying to figure out what else to say to her. He’d get up the courage and ask her what was her name. She’d respond with y/n and he’d have a smile riding up his lips, saying her name again and again, realizing that he loved how it felt to say her name.

Then the two of them would keep talking to each other, Jungkook constantly rolling up his sleeve to make some room for more words. They would spend the whole night getting to know each other and filling up a whole decade of silence. When they had run out of room to write, she would go on and ask for his number so they could text instead, and Jungkook would get up to his feet, jumping up and down on his heels. He wouldn’t waste a second to write down his number on the little space he had left.

The next day, he had woken up with an especially good mood. An extra jump on each of his step, a large grin on his face as if he hadn’t gotten into trouble for having a dick drawn on his forehead just the day before. Taehyung would expect a more than pissed of Jungkook, maybe a little bit of pettiness in the mix, but Jungkook shows nothing but adoration for him, even going as far as to buy him the apple juice he knows he loves from the convenience store nearby.

Texting her falls so easily in his routine. One second, he’s hesitant to text her, afraid to show her just how much of a dumbass he could be, another second, he’s called her the fifth time in a day because he swears a baby just gave him a nasty look. They connect quickly. She finds out the reason she suddenly gets eye bags after a full night’s sleep with because her idiot soulmate had spent the whole night screaming at wario for cheating at Mario kart.

Taehyung says it’s sickening to see just how lovey dovey Jungkook was (Jimin says it’s nice to see him so in love, but they both knew he secretly hated it too). The way his eyes light up at the sight of her name appearing on his screen.

He gets in trouble more nowadays though, teachers having caught him talking to his soulmate on his arm, and the most embarrassing time they read out his not-so-failed attempts of flirting off his arm to the whole class. Let’s just say he’d gotten teased for the life of him when it reached his brother’s ears (though he supposes his brother isn’t any better when he would literally be a make shift carpet if his soulmate asked for it). The Jeon boys treat their women like proper queens and won’t settle for anything less.

The first time they video call, Jungkook has fixed his hair for the hundredths time, a comfortable (and new that he bought just for this occasion) sweatshirt hung loosely on his shoulders. She’d asked if it was okay if they could do a video call the day before and Jungkook being as whipped as he was, of course agreed with her, only regretting not to be the one who asked first.

He’s so tense that when his phone starts ringing, he nearly chucks it off to the wall. He forces himself to calm down before setting it up on the table and pressing the green button after taking a deep breath. He looks at the screen and watches as her face appears. His heart almost bursts, because he’s thought of this moment a million times. He’d expect her to be something like a glowing figure, that she’d resemble a star and that her voice would sound like a serenading angel.

She’s nothing like he’d expect. She’s not glowing like an angel. Her camera has bad lighting and he could see a few strands of her hair sticking out. When she says hello, it isn’t like an angel, her voice isn’t smooth, a little raspy. But she still manages to surpass all his expectations, and he realizes she’s so much better than he’d ever imagined. His heart beats faster and faster because she’s only said one word, and Jungkook is already falling for her. She’s not perfect, but she’s perfect for him.

It’s going well, very well. There’s a way that she makes him feel, a way that just brightens up his day, and when they have their video calls and she laughs at one of those lame jokes that he’d gotten from one of his friends, her voice just soothes him, lets him relax into his seat and just watch as her eyes crinkle in joy.

 It starts to become a routine, the video calls are weekly but the texting is daily. Whenever he’s nervous about an upcoming exam, he calls her and just listens to her talk about her day, lets her voice fill his ear and calm his nerves. And then she would get off track and asks why is it that he had called her and he’d brush it off, he called to hear her voice, but he won’t say that because it’s too cheesy and he has a reputation to keep.

It’s during one of his classes that he feels it, a gut wrenching feeling deep in his stomach that has him groaning. It’s a different type of pain, nothing like nausea or a muscle cramp, because he’d always considered himself as a person with a great pain tolerance, but at that moment, he had just felt like curling in a ball and crying. Jimin and Taehyung would take him to the clinic immediately, and he’d just have tears rolling down his cheeks, and he’s sniffling and making these weird choking sounds when he tries to smother down his sobs.

He stays there for a while, the curtains draped closed with Jimin and Taehyung just rubbing his back soothingly. He tries to calm down, but every so and then, a sob bubbles up to his chest and a new wave of tear roll down his cheeks. It stays like that for an hour and the pain in his stomach travels up to his chest. His right arm starts to ache and dizziness starts to seep in his head. He falls asleep in the clinic bed, his whimpers slowing down and his eyes drooping heavily.

When he’s back at home, he doesn’t try to talk to his parents. They’d come visit now and then, giving a few hugs and pats on the back. His brother would come by when Jungkook had calmed down a bit, ruffling his hair and saying ‘it’s going to be okay’. But that’s the thing, there isn’t an ‘it’ to be okay. For all he knew, ‘it’ was all okay, everything was going okay in class, but then there was this rush of emotion that came over him and he’d just double over in pain. There was this burning sensation in his gut, something that hadn’t been building but more of an eruption. And then it would slowly cascade to his chest, and then he’d start crying and crying, choking on his sobs.

He’s in his sheets, listening to the sounds of pans clanging from the downstairs kitchen. His mom was cooking dinner, but he doubted that he’d go down to have some himself. The sound of the washing machine clashing against itself. That old thing was always just waiting to give out. The sound of the TV running from the living room. There was always some sort of game his dad would be watching, cheering on for teams he’d never even heard of. These are all sounds he’d never realized he’d taken comfort into. Such meaningless things that were just always there, a consistency that had always reassured him in some way.

He’d just lays there, listening to his own heartbeat. For the first time in hours, he feels relaxed and his breath relax into a steady pace. His eyes almost drift to sleep, because It's been a long day and Jungkook feels exhausted, but then there’s this loud blaring noise that breaks the silence. He knows what it is, someone had gone up and called him again. It would be the sixth call he’d get from his friends.

Only it turns out that it wasn’t his friends, it wasn’t Jimin, nor Taehyung or even Yoongi. It was her, and it terrified him because he’d always smile at the sight of her name, but there was this raw and intense feeling that had him wanting to decline the call. It terrified him because she’s his soulmate and supposedly the ’love of his life’ but he had wanted nothing more than to hang up the call. And it just stays like that, him wallowing in the fact as his phone had stopped ringing, and then a few seconds pass and her name appears again. His arm would suddenly feel heavy at the weight of the phone in his hand. Slowly, he would finally tap on the green button.

Her voice hits him like a wave. Jungkook doesn’t even have the chance to say anything when her voice starts filling his ears. Her voice is raspy and broken, there’s sniffling and whimpering as she rushes through her words. ’I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ she whispers in uneven breathes, and he would have stopped her, to comfort her and ask her why she was crying and that ’it’ was going to be okay. But then there is this sudden realization that hits him that ’it’ wasn’t going to be okay, and he probably wasn’t going to be okay. So, he just sits there as new tears roll down his cheeks.

When she finally speaks, everything just dawns on him. He felt like he was dying because his soulmate had kissed someone, he felt like dying because his soulmate had kissed someone that wasn’t him, he felt like dying because his soulmate’s first kiss wasn’t him, and will never be him. And then all of her other words just go straight through his other ear. He doesn’t hear it when she says that she didn’t want it, or when she says that she didn’t know it was going to happen until it happened, or when she says that she also felt the pain, the suffocating and unrelenting pain, that she also felt like she was dying.

He hears it when she says she loves him.

Jungkook has always one for cheesy romances and tear-jerking speeches. He imagines their first exchanges of ‘I love you’ to be at night, with a sea of stars sunken in the night sky because that was where they would have their first kiss. She would have his jacket that was a little too big for her on her shoulders because the night was breezy and his mom raised him to be a gentle man. Her hands would be in his because she always has cold hands and he always has warm hands.

He would talk about the ‘old times’ like when he had drawn those little cats for her or when he’d waken up to many frowney faces along his arm because his friends yet again drew dicks on his forehead (he should really get some proper sleep). And then he’d try to coax a few tears out of her and end it off with ’I love you’, and because this was Jungkook’s imagination of how things would go, she would also say I love you, and they’d kiss in the night sky.

Jungkook then realizes that nothing he’d imagined will ever go as planned, that they will never have a first kiss, because she’d already had hers with some random asshole, and that they’d never have their first ‘I love you’, because she had already said it through the phone while they were both out of breath and sobbing every drop of tear from their bodies.

He doesn’t realize it, but when he’d finally gotten out of his phase, the call had already ended and his cheeks had become tear stained and his sobs had calmed down to weak whimpers. He realizes that he’d just hung up on her after she’d said she loved him, and he just panics, because she’s going to think he doesn't love her and he should immediately call her and tell her that he loves her, because he does, he loves her like he’d never loved anyone before.

He’d started talking to her in his sophomore years and he was now a senior, and she'd been there in every step of the way. But he just doesn't, he doesn’t tell her he loves her, he doesn’t call her, because he doesn’t trust himself if he does. And she doesn’t call back either.

There are a few times when Jungkook forgets that y/n is his soulmate. He doesn’t know what he’d expect when he doesn’t talk to her in a week. It starts off small. He catches himself dozing off, looking into the distance and zoning out. His friends would ask him if he was okay and he’d reply with ’I’m fine’, even though he knew he wasn't, and that he knew they wouldn’t believe him anyway, because who the hell would be fine yet walk into the classroom with puffy and bloodshot eyes.

And then when class goes on like normal, he’s moving his leg up and down, fingers drumming along the desk, because he swears class had never been this long before. He realizes later that class had always gone on so fast because y/n was always there for him to talk to. He looks back at it as if it had happened years ago, as if he hadn’t talked to her in decades.

The truth is that they haven’t talked in no less than three days, yet he’s been missing her as if he’d gone days without a limb. A piece of him feels missing, torn apart from him and left out to dry. It’s a weird feeling, a suffocating feeling that has him yearning for her, that has him filling his mind with nothing but her. He supposes that was the thing with soulmates, when they were together, it had felt like he was he was over the moon, as if nothing could ever go wrong in his life, but when they were apart, it felt like he was missing a part of himself.

She would nag at him whenever he was bombarding her with doodles on his arm, waiting for her attention so she could drag him from his boredom of class. She’d say ‘you have class’ and he’d say ’I also have a soulmate, and I’d rather pay attention to her’. His friends would tease for it, for flirting and dancing around with her as if it was a game of push and pull, as if she wasn’t his soulmate.

That’s the thing that terrifies him, because as far as he had ever known, having a soulmate was the best feeling in the world. It’s all rainbows and roses, because it had meant that there will always be that one person that just gets you, that just loves you unconditionally for all your flaws and perfections, all your quirks and mishaps. That one person that will always be there for every step of the way. He yearns that, the comfort of knowing there was someone the universe had picked just for him, the missing piece to his puzzle.

And then he meets her, and he realizes just how perfect she is for him.

And then the whole fiasco happens and he realizes just how much it would hurt if he didn’t get his happy ending, because he knows it wasn’t uncommon for soulmates not to work out, usually from the intensity of their emotions for each other.

Having a soulmate had also meant other things. It meant that when you were together, you’d feel the happiest you’d ever be, but if you weren’t, you’d dread every second of your life. You’d feel pain, you’d feel nauseous, you’d feel your body start to crumble. Having a soulmate was almost like a drug, something so addicting that your body starts to dysfunction when you go a day without.

Jungkook still feels it sometimes, when he’s managed to get her out of his mind. There was this sudden jolt of pain that shoot up his chest, causing him to lose focus. And then all he can think about is her, her, her. He wonders if she feels it too, if she misses him too, if she thinks of him too. He realizes how stupid he is, because his phone is right there in front him, and he could end all of this with just one button.

Truth is he’d stopped mulling over the whole kiss thing a while ago, and that he should’ve called her a long time ago, but he was scared, scared of his own emotions, scared of how much he loved her, scared that this whole thing is going to destroy to him.

He wants to talk about this with someone, to anyone, but then it dawns on him that the only person he really wants to talk to about this was his soulmate, and that she was the only person he should be talking to about this. So, he picks up his phone and presses on the name he’d been missing for what felt like decades now.

She answers after no less than a few seconds. She speaks after a second’s hesitation, and her voice is filled with the sort of hope, as if she has done something wrong. Jungkook cuts her off when she starts on her little ramble (a habit he’d learn she had over the years) and apologizes, two words that hits her as hard as a brick. ‘I’m sorry’ he’d say again, and again and again. He says it until he can hear her start crying on the other end of the call. He knows she’s crying in a way that she’s trying to hide it from him, but he’d still hear her weak sniffles and whimpers.

It breaks his heart because he knows he never should’ve hung up on her that day, that he should’ve said that it was never her fault that ‘it’ happened, that he never thought of ‘it’ as her fault, that he was sorry ‘it’ had to happened in the first place

There’s a lot of things he realizes that he should have told her, so he doesn’t give her the time to say anything before he gets everything off his chest. He tells her everything. He tells her that he had never been upset with her, that he was upset with what happened to her. He tells her that he’s scared, no— terrified of how strong his feeling are for her, that the pain he felt that day was never what he’d ever experienced before. He tells her how much he had missed her during his period of stupidity when he decided not to talk to her, that he’d thought of her every second of the day.

And she just swallows in everything he tells her, listening to every word he says without a single interruption. And then they talk, talk, and talk until they shed more tears, because they’d never realized it, but they had always needed this. It’s a bit like clearing the air, speaking up about every and any hesitations they’d have.

They talk until their voices go dry and their eyes droop heavily. It isn’t until then that Jungkook realizes he hadn’t had a good night’s rest in days. Sleeping had always come easy to him, but during the past few days, he would lay down in his bed and just had this queasy and tense feeling.

When they’re nearing the end of the conversation, he knows there’s this one thing he hadn’t said yet, and he knows she’d been waiting for it too, those three simple words that had meant everything to them. He wants to say it, but there’s this one nerve in his stomach that causes his throat to close up when he tries to.

She finally ends the call after hours and hours of talking about their feeling and what they’d miss. Jungkook would again take out his pen, and write the words he’d meant to say in the palm of his hand. I love you.

Jimin shares a look with Taehyung when Jungkook comes to class the next day (he’s always late and it’s definitely not because of his poor excuse of a sleeping schedule), and the next thing he knows, they’re just screaming and hollering before running towards him. Jungkook swears he’s never felt more scared than he was at that moment, with the sight of his two best friends sprinting as if they were about to run them over like the untimely death of Mufasa.

And then they just hug him, stuff him with pats on the back and intense noogies. Jungkook just stands there, accepting it with the most confused expression ever. They go on about how glad they are that he got over whatever it was that had set him in such a sour and glum mood the past week and it puzzles him because he doesn’t remember being that much of a debbie downer.

They prove him otherwise by listing all the reasons he was such a pain to hang out with, because he’d somehow turned into a dictionary of depressing jokes and emo quotes. They end up finishing each other’s sentences, locking eyes when they say the same words and giving each other a bunch of high fives (Jungkook sometimes feels sorry for whoever their soulmates are, because the two of them are so in sync that they were already each other’s soulmate).

They’re interrupted when the teacher finally enters the class and tells everyone (specifically the two of them) to take a seat. They turn to Jungkook one final time and give him a pat in the back because they’re genuinely happy that the kid had no longer seemed so miserable.

Jungkook hadn’t thought hearing ‘I love you’ would change much for him. He’d heard it a dozen times from his parents (never from his brother, but let’s be honest, that’s to be expected) an amount more than you’d expect from Jimin and Taehyung (although Taehyung would say it more to annoy him and it works every single time), three times from Namjoon (which makes him grin more than it should) and once from Yoongi (now that one he wears like a golden medal).

Hearing it from his soulmate hits him in a totally different way. The conversation they had led them to get more comfortable in their relationships, this time acknowledging each other in a more romantic way. The way she says ‘I love you’ during insignificant moments like during a goodnight text or his after his daily ramble on how his friends are a pain in the ass sends him in a sort of high. It makes him giggle and flush and swoon all in the same time. It makes him feel things in a way he never knew he could.

Jungkook would learn that he shouldn’t plan things out as much as he used to, lets himself enjoy the moment for a while. Takes one step at a time, and this time he’s not as terrified to his wits anymore. It turns out when he's not worrying about all of his 'plans', time happens to move so fast.

When he finally sees her, she's got her back turned towards him, she hasn't noticed yet.

Jungkook takes a moment to take it all in. Sparks don’t fly, his hands don’t sweat and his breathing doesn’t pace. There is no nausea or nervousness that bubbles up in his stomach. When he sees her, his heart starts beating faster, but it beats in a way that you see something familiar after a long time, there is this sort of comfortable feeling. There’s a moment of complete peacefulness and serenity when he sees her. He’d never felt more at home.

When she sees him, her knees almost buckle, because he’s there. The boy, the dumbass, her soulmate that she’d been talking to for years now is finally there, and he’s waiting for her, looking for her. Her eyes almost well up in tears and she hates it because she swore to herself, she’d done cried enough times in their relationship, she doesn’t need to add another one to it.

She cries anyways, and she guesses she doesn’t hate it that much after all. Jungkook had managed to overturn all her expectations of their relationship that she’s not surprised that he pulls this either. She’s always known that her forgetfulness would bite her in the ass one day and she guesses she can’t be mad when this happens.

‘4:30 java time café pick up’ and right below on her palm is his handwriting, the handwriting she’s grown to adore and look forward to all these years, is written ’I found you’.

[freckleddoll]

Reasons why Doll could still be alive

1. I’m still in denial

I compiled a list of reasons why I think that there is a possibility of Doll coming back in the future! Although I do think the chances are slim, given the fact that she hasn’t appeared in the Manga since 2009, which was 12 years ago. However, there is a handful of reasons from a story telling perspective of why it’s possible, and also a handful of inconsistencies between Doll’s death and all of the other Noah’s Ark Circus deaths. Very long post under the cut.

Starting with the most obvious, we never see Doll’s death actually happened, it’s ever only implied.

We don’t hear a direct command, it’s only implied that she died. This is “affirmed” a second later by Undertaker.

He laughs about how Ciel is hastily, and that he can not take back what he’s done, even if he regrets it later. However, this isn’t explicitly about Doll. We as the audience are made to believe that this is about her because we just saw the frame before, of Doll’s signature lollipop falling.

We have seen every other death on screen. We are certain to see each of their corpses, except for Joker, who’s death is confirmed by William T Spears earlier in the chapter.

This is placed conveniently, or dare I say, deliberately before Doll’s death. We see William and Ronald collecting souls only before Doll shows up. The only other Reaper we see in this chapter afterwards is Undertaker.

This is of course speculation, but I don’t believe that the death Undertaker is referring to here is Doll’s death. I think he might be referring to the massacre Ciel and Sebastian have basically just committed after being employed for this mission to save the children. This is something Ciel can not take back. But Undertaker never explicitly said Doll, in fact, he specifically chose the phrase “to hold each and every soul dear” which implies that multiple souls were lost. I don’t think he is actually talking about the Circus Troupe, Doll or Joker.

What could this mean?

I think we are purposefully being misdirected as an audience member here, and I believe that the decision to withhold the details of Doll’s death was deliberate. I believe that the narrative is purposefully withholding information that will much later in the story become important.

Another thing I’d like to point out is, why on earth is Undertaker here? His presence isn’t explained, other than to “affirm” Doll’s death. He is seen with a carriage, along with Charles Grey and Charles Phipps. Well this could tie back to R!Ciel, I think that it’s also possible that:

Doll is actually dead and the information being withheld from us is that Undertaker took her body to later use as a Bizarre Doll to mess with Ciel later in the series.

Doll was disarmed by Sebastian, and once they left, perhaps even believing Doll was dead, Doll was taken in by Undertaker and R!Ciel for revenge or something. I know this one is a lot more dodgy, but it’s the one I believe makes more narrative sense.

Now let’s move on to how this makes sense from a narrative perspective.

Obviously, Snake is still alive, and believes that his family is alive. He goes to Ciel’s manor looking for them.

Ciel offers Snake a position at the Phantomhive manor, under the guise that they are looking for Snake’s family. Snake joins him because Ciel is manipulating him here, telling him that Snake can essentially have a new family at the manor while looking for his old family.

I believe Doll is a big influence as to why Ciel makes this decision. 

Ciel sees Doll when he looks at Snake, which seems to be painful for Ciel. He then goes out of his way to affirm that they were, in fact, bad people (perhaps to justify his own actions in his mind) but then goes back on this and claims that he believes they were good people as to manipulate Snake.

He wants to help them achieve happiness and give them the chance to atone for their sins. The question is, is Ciel taking Snake in to atone for his own sins or to manipulate Snake?

Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. A crucial character that is being played in this scene is of course, Doll. In every single memory that Snake shares, Doll is center frame, or the person who was closest to him.

Doll is either takes up the most space in the frame, or she’s the one who is standing closest to Snake. Not even Joker is this present in all of the images, but she is in all of them. While we didn’t see this much play out in the actual Book of Circus arc (given that Snake had very little screentime in that arc anyway), we can infer from these images that Snake felt the closest to Doll out of everyone at the Circus.

We also aren’t just seeing his actual memories normally, we are seeing his memories in an emotionally charged state. While he is feeling highly emotional, the person he thinks of the most is Doll. This is not just him remembering her as being the friendliest or most open person to him, this is who he was actually closest with within the Circus.

Doll’s relationship with both Snake and Ciel are very important parts of both of these characters. We see Ciel soften and feel guilt when he is reminded of Doll, and we see that Snake and Doll were presumably very close because of this scene.

Also just some fun images that I felt like pointing out:

Doll is featured in this image with one of Snake’s snakes. There isn’t much of a reason to feature one of these Snake’s snakes, unless we’re meant to infer a connection between these two.

I’m not quite sure where this image came from, but look! Doll and Snake are sitting next to each other, and Snake has a little smile on his face, which as we know isn’t very common for Snake in this series. There are very few instances of him smiling. However, this is obvious in the anime style so it likely isn’t manga compliant it’s cute though.

They’re featured together in another image!

Now for Doll and Ciel of course:

Doll and Ciel are seen here lying together.

These two images are very important to me and I feel they both hold a deeper meaning. Now it’s time to talk about Ciel and Doll.

Of course, there is the eye symbolism. Both of them keep an eye covered up, because both are hiding secrets that they need to keep covered up. Both wear a costume and live under a persona (Doll’s Circus persona that hides her identity of someone who kidnaps children and Ciel’s Smile persona where he is hiding his identity of the Queen’s watchdog). Yet, both of them are drawn to each other despite their secrets and form lasting connections.

We also see Ciel reaching out to Doll, and Sebastian taking the lollipop out of his hand. He is literally taking her away from him and blinding him from finding her. He is concealing the truth?

Despite what her family says, Doll refuses to believe that Ciel is with the yard.

She draws the parallels between herself and Ciel right here! She literally said it herself! Both of them are capable of holding secrets, and despite what appearances may suggest, people are still capable of hiding things. When she says “but we” she is acknowledging that appearances don’t always match expectations.

However, she still believes in him, up until the very end.

Even up until this point, she was still willing to listen to Ciel, and denies it until she can’t anymore. She reflects on their time together, having believed that their friendship was real.

Doll finally accepts it and feels hurt, betrayed and angry. She tries to kill him after this. Instead of anger, fear or hatred, this is the face we see Ciel make.

He looks sad and tired. This isn’t the face of someone who takes pleasure in the idea of killing her. We see him feel remorse for Doll even earlier, like I pointed out earlier in this scene

This scene is what compels him to take Snake in, being reminded of Doll. He looks sad here, he looks remorseful.

But most importantly, there is this image.

This takes place in the Green Witch arc, meaning that he is still thinking about Doll, she is still relevant up until this point in the story.

This image isn’t necessarily him leaving behind those who impacted his life who have since died, though that is certainly part of it. As we know, R!Ciel is still alive which O!Ciel at this point was not aware of. This picture does not reflect the complete truth.

His last obstacle could be interpreted as the Circus itself, but Doll and Joker aren’t positioned together like Rachel and Vincent are. Doll is a distance away from Joker in this image, and her image is a different size than Joker’s, implying that they are two completely different obstacles. In my opinion, Joker represents the Circus as a whole and himself. He represents all the sacrifices he had to make in Baron Kelvin’s manor. He could even represent his trauma while inside the cult.

But Doll is a completely different obstacle. She represents a personal obstacle. She seems to have impacted him greatly, being an influence in what compelled him to take Snake in. She is also one of the only people in this series we see Ciel feel remorse for. She is important.

At this point, this is supposed to give us the conclusion to all of these stories and ideas. But as highly speculated by the fandom (and practically canon) the first Ciel we see in the image is actually R!Ciel who O!Ciel left behind at the cult, who we know is still alive. The first greatest obstacle and his last greatest obstacle. That’s symbolism right there, right?

But I don’t believe that Snake’s story has concluded just yet. His family should still be a huge part of his character and his motivations. If his story isn’t leading up to something, than I think it’s going to be a rather poor choice on Yana Toboso’s part. But as we know, she doesn’t just do things for no reason, I believe that a lot of this was intentional.

TL;DR: Because Doll’s death is never specifically seen on screen, because Undertaker seems to purposefully mislead us after Doll’s death (and because of Undertaker’s presence in the first place), because the promise of looking for Snake’s family who is pivotal to Snake’s character, and because of the importance of Doll’s relationships with both O!Ciel and Snake, I believe that there is a chance that Yana Toboso is planning on bringing Doll back into the story.

This is all speculation, of course. I’d love for it to be true, but it is still rather dodgy given the fact that Doll hasn’t appeared in the Manga in twelve years. I could definitely just suffering from hopeful thinking, but I would love to see our girly make a return. Perhaps with R!Ciel? But the idea of her returning with R!Ciel is an idea for another day and I might make a separate post about it sometime! Thanks a bunch if you made it this far!

[atiny-piratequeen]

Character Analysis, Choi San- the 'Usurper'

Languages: English, Arabic (Post Transformation), Japanese (Modern Day), Korean (Modern Day), French (Modern Day)

Crew Position: Sailing Master + Navigator +Map Maker

Powers: Blood Manipulation (Inherited by Egyptian God, Set)

Compass Position + Arrowpoint Stone: Northwest, located on his left pectoral (mirrors Wooyoung’s), Pigeon Blood Ruby

Eye Color: Brown(Natural)/ Heterochromatic Pink Right Eye, Lime Green Left Eye (Demonic Form)

Hair Color: Dark Brunette (Both Forms)

Likes: His space, Sitting in the Crow’s Nest, Drawing Maps, Weapons, Talking Shit

Dislikes: His family, Letting Too Many People Close to Him or Wooyoung, Mirrors, His Own Reflection

*The above artist rendition of Set is used courtesy of the game, Smite

Oldest Son, Choi San. 

Born the one and only son of a family of four, somehow didn’t gain him enough of his family’s respect-or love-growing up. San is actually the child of two aristocratic parents, something that clashed with his personal desire to be his own person. Rebelling for as long as he could walk, San grew to resent the tightening noose around his neck from his family and began running away more frequently from his family. 

They couldn’t even remember his own birthday, and he couldn’t be bothered to remember theirs. When the opportunity arose and he was forced aboard a pirate ship, the small voice on his shoulder told him as the shackles were placed onto his wrists and ankles, that he’d never see them again. 

San couldn’t help the quirk of his lips at the thought. 

Sailing Master Choi San

Suppressing his aristocratic side has never been so easy. Though standoffish at first, San has had the opportunity to prove himself as a new, useful man. For once, he finally understands what a ‘family’ is and how it feels to be ‘loved’. Wooyoung was the first to make him feel like more than a burden on the people around him, and to this day, while he loves all of the members and his lovers in his own way, Wooyoung will always be his first love and one of the first ones he’ll ever turn to when he’s in trouble. 

With a pencil in hand and the sea breeze blowing his bangs, San can finally draw his own future and feel peace knowing he is loved by those around him. 

-Mythology-

Set, also known as Seth, is the Egyptian God of the desert, storms, chaos, and violence. Depictions and understandings of them vary depending on who’s drawing, writing, or viewing him, but he has been represented as a male figure with a humanoid body and an animal head like many other Egyptian gods and goddesses were. Such animals he has been depicted as include several canines, including jackals, fennecs, and greyhounds. He has also been depicted as having a donkey, okapi, aardvark, antelope, or oryx’s face, instead. The inconsistency of his figure in Egyptian depictions is also believed to stem from Set himself being more like a chimeric being who changes his forms. 

Set, like many other Egyptian gods, can change his forms into several animals, and also has a form to mimic the appearance of the god Anubis. 

A destructive force of nature and often regarded as a trickster, Set was credited for creating natural disasters such as sudden, flash flooding, sandstorms, and thunderstorms. He is considered to be one of the mightiest of the Egyptian gods.

Egyptian familial trees are often complex and overlap, but some depictions of him and his family, Geb and Nut are his parents, with Osiris, Horus, Isis, and Nephthys being his siblings and Ra being his grandfather. In other depictions, Horus and Anubis are his nephews and in some, Anubis is his illegitimate child after disguising himself as Osiris and courting Isis. 

One of the driving factors of many of Set’s tales is his burning jealousy and rage, especially towards his brother Osiris.

Set was apparently the only of his siblings that didn’t have a traditional birth. Some say he tore himself from his mother’s womb, others say she spat him into existence and this was believed to foretell his existence of a being of chaos and disorder. 

At one point, his brother Osiris, known to be a benevolent king that brought positive changes to the lands he ruled and graced, left out of his kingdom’s reach to help in other areas of the world, and as such, appointed his wife Isis to rule the lands in his stead. 

While he was away, Set would set into motion the of the largest scaled affair in all of Egyptian mythology, an event that included many of the Pantheon’s major players in some way shape or form. 

After conspiring against him with several others, Set would end up trapping and murdering Osiris. Not content with simply killing him, Set eventually tears Osiris to pieces, tossing his remains all across Egypt in another attempt to keep him from ever being whole again. Isis managed to find all of the pieces of her husband despite Set’s efforts. Well, most of the pieces. 

She never located his dick, so that’s fun. She replaced it with a golden one, though! Yay innovation!

Through the use of magic, Isis managed to revive Osiris, though he would never rule in his original kingdom ever again, and would instead be in the Underworld. 

Set tried several times to steal Osiris’ body from the underworld, and each time was punished severely for his intrusion by the jackal-headed god of the dead, Anubis. Eventually, after repeated attempts, Anubis grew tired of the chaotic desert god and killed Set once and for all.

Despite his chaotic and volatile actions, Set did have moments of redemption. In the afterlife, Set protected the great Sun God, Ra, from the serpent Apophis as Ra embarked on his daily journey through the Underworld. Set placed himself in front of Ra’s barque and would attack and kill Apophis every time he would rise to attack Ra. The serpent could be killed, but would rise again the very next day. 

Set would be there to slay it night after night, thus granting Ra safe passage and being one of the reasons the sun rises each day.

-Power Applications/Demon Transformation-

As Set is one of the more violent of the gods that the boys have inherited their powers from, San’s fighting style has remained just as violent and wild. When he is fully imbued with the effects of his powers, his eyes go bright pink and lime green. His lips turn into an onyx color and runes appear across his face, from his forehead, all the way to his chin. 

San’s blood manipulation allows him to turn any blood around him into a weapon, be it a series of daggers to propel through the air, or his go-to favorites, a large spear or scythe for attacking. Despite his aristocratic upbringing, San is incredibly good at hand to hand combat and isn’t afraid to fight ’dirty’. He’s only gotten more proficient at fighting without his powers thanks to Yunho taking the time to teach him capoeira. 

San’s runes only appear when he begins using his blood manipulation, and he prefers to use other people's blood, as too much blood loss from himself may still make him pass out and leave him prone in battle. He also has a few light blades weapons from Wooyoung he uses when there hasn't been any bloodshed on the battlefield yet, but if push comes to shove, he's not opposed to asking the slightly younger immortal to cut into him. 

-Character Song Breakdown-

All of the main boys have a song assigned to them in the AtT playlist to go alongside their origin chapters. San's song, which he shares with Wooyoung, is Mist by Ateez. I will go over some spoiler things, but if you made it this far, you may know this already.

Mist is used as an in-story device that goes over Wooyoung and San’s budding relationship and them coping with the uncertainty of life while being prisoners aboard a slave ship. 

-If I can’t see anything 

If I can feel you, I’m fine 

I want you to make me sure 

I need you to help me out of my misery 

I can see the light in the dark, 

It quickly blurs 

Step back in place.-

San spends the majority of his life feeling isolated and alone. He had no friends, as his mother’s aristocratic status left him with limited options for people he could make friends with. His sisters resented him as much as he did the entirety of his family, and he usually kept to himself. His general dislike and distrust for those around him persist until he meets Wooyoung, and it’s through the other boy’s positive outlook on life that San slowly begins to understand that not everyone in the world is out to get him.

- Lost and wandering hands again 

Hold me and hug me 

Your whisper is my compass 

Even if we’re going back for a long time 

Stay with me, always 

I’m not sure. I don’t know the way 

I’m just Like Alley Cat without you....-

 

San doesn’t know what it means to love, be it platonic or otherwise until he meets Wooyoung. He has a disposition much like that of a feral and volatile alley cat due to what he went through all through life, but it’s through Wooyoung-and eventually Hongjoong and the crew-that he’s guided towards the more positive aspects of life.

They soon become his new moral compass.

-Character Blurb-

“You’re just like the other pirates. I won’t let you take away the only person that’s ever loved me.”

San’s eyes grew as he watched his body move against his own will. The runes on his face gleamed and pulsed with chaotic energy as he attacked Seonghwa and Hongjoong, laughing maniacally and screaming about them giving Wooyoung back. Across from him, two eyes gleamed in the darkness. 

He stepped away, his foot sinking into the sand that was below his feet. 

A snort came from the figure, as he approached, his blade dragging through the sand. 

“Long lives those who are strong. How strong are you, cowering under something as fruitless as ‘love’? I choose you because you are full of rage, you have all I need to take back this world and get my revenge. Give in, it’ll all be over soon.”

“San!”

San looked behind him, eyes wide as he saw Wooyoung. No, he had to get out of there, he couldn’t-

 

“It’ll all be over soon.” The figure repeated, and in a gush of sand and wind, he saw his body fly forward and a blade of blood sliced into Yunho. San screamed inside his head as the dark figure controlled his body, eyes gleaming in malice as he raised a blood sword. 

“Rid yourself of such fruitless emotions and useless people. Let it all wash away in the sand and blood. I’ll do you this one favor. Then, this body will be mine.”

“So please,

If this is my way

Hold my hand

So we won’t wander for much longer…”

The sound of Wooyoung’s voice finally spurred San to action and he sprinted forward before the large being could kill Yunho. He snatched a small blade from his hip and buried it into his back with a scream. Blood splattered onto his cheek and the large man tossed him aside, pink and green eyes turning on him as he broke into a run towards San, a scream of rage and pain rattling in the sandy area inside San’s mind. 

San threw his hands up, and the blood from the being’s wounds sharpened, impaling him from all sides before his claws could slice into San’s face.

His hand trembled as he let out a growl. 

“No! Not...Not again…!”

San stood, feeling himself regaining control as the dark dessert began to fade away from his vision. Before he completely regained his senses, he looked back at the dying entity, his lips pressed into a firm frown and his fists clenched. 

“I’m my own person. I have no strings on me. Not anymore.”

-M.List-

[juniperwindsong]

In Love & War (3/3)

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been so kind as to comment on this story and even kinder in their patience for how long it took to complete. I’ve never struggled so much to write anything, and I might still be staring at an unfinished draft if it weren’t for the help of the most incredible, @navirosera, who listened patiently to my ranting, raving, and complaining and provided the spark to help me finish. I really can’t thank you enough. 

I have posted the remaining part of the chapter at the bottom so it’s in its proper place. If you’ve already read the first part of this, just keep scrolling till it looks new. 

Part 3: Quatervois

  You hold your left hand up against the glass of the window. The setting sun catches the diamond of your ring, creating lines of rainbow light. It gives the impression your whole hand is sparkling. You smile. It's only a modest sized diamond set against a pale gold band. But it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

   "Something out there I should be jealous of?"

   Arms encircle your waist. A warm body presses against you from behind.

   "'Out there'"?" you echo playfully. "Oh, I suppose there is a lovely ocean view. I hadn't noticed."

    Felix rests his chin on your shoulder to see what's caught your attention.

    "You know, I really ought to get you another one. Something better. With a diamond you can actually see."

   You spin around in Felix's arms.

   "Don't you dare. I love it. It's perfect."

   Felix glances at your hand now resting against his chest. He frowns at the ring slightly.

    "Hardly perfect. It's ridiculously small. It barely counts as an engagement ring."

   You wrinkle your nose at him. "Then why did you pick it in the first place?"

   A hot blush creeps up Felix's cheeks, a sight you find intensely amusing.

   "There's a face I don't see often,” you laugh softly.

   A change comes over Felix. His eyes widen, and he leans away from you, dropping his arms. He peers into your face intently as if he's seen something he doesn't like. You’re worried you must have offended him.

   "I wasn't poking fun," you assure him soothingly. You close the distance he’s created between you, reaching up to take his still heated cheek in your palm. "I like it. Makes you look younger."

   Felix's eyes soften. "Do I look old then?"

   "Far too old for me." You shake your head in mock concern. "What my friends will say when they discover I've eloped with my prefect, I can't imagine." Your face suddenly clouds. "Why did we elope? Was there a reason? I mean, it was lovely little chapel, but it would have been nice to have my friends there. And Mrs Weasley will be so disappointed when she finds out.”

   Felix swallows. “The war, remember?” He hides his face in the crook of your neck. “Everyone choosing sides. We didn't want them to be uncomfortable."

   "Oh. Right."

   On some level you're aware this doesn't make sense. But the vibrations against your throat send lightning through your body. The answer no longer seems important. You run your hands through Felix's hair as he places hot, slow kisses up your neck, under your chin. When he reaches your lips he murmurs against them: "Let me buy you a new ring. Please."

   You shake your head. Your nose nuzzles his with each small movement. "No. This is the one I want."

   You’re at a loss for how this sweet statement could cause your new husband to look so unhappy.

  -

   "Not again! That's the second time this week!"

   The sudden exclamation startles you from your reverie. You lift your head from its resting place against your hand. You’re in the Burrow's kitchen with an irate Mrs Weasley, not a villa in Nice with Felix. The sun setting outside the window had brought the memory back.

   Mrs Weasley wads the offensive letter up and throws it into the fire.

   "I mean really, and at the last minute, too. So inconsiderate. I suppose that sort of thing is acceptable in France, but you'd think manners would be the same everywhere, wouldn't you? Pass me that cutting board, dear."

   You rise from your chair and reach up to pull the cutting board from a high shelf. You could easily retrieve it with magic, but you need the distraction. It's precisely the reason you've moved to the Burrow. Mrs Weasley's strict regimen of conversation and domestic work keeps your mind from wandering. Most of the time.

   You offer Mrs Weasley the cutting board, then lean against the counter. You force yourself to pay attention to her diatribe.

   “I'm sure it's a phase, but I do hope it will pass soon. Once he grows out of that hair and that earring," Mrs Weasley shudders. "And that's really the most telling, isn't it? Any woman who likes that sort of thing can’t possibly be any good. You don't approve of it, surely?"

   You look up from where your gaze has fallen to your hand and shake your head vigorously.

   Her opinions safely confirmed, Mrs Weasley returns to the cutting board. She directs her wand to a veritable army of knives that begin dicing vegetables with gusto. "Like I say, very telling. Bill never used to be like this. He would never have dreamed of sending an owl last minute saying he wouldn't be at dinner. I mean really! What if we'd had something important to discuss? What if-"

   You stare at the ring on your finger. It's the same one from your memory: a single, small diamond, a band of pale gold. Humble, but an auror's salary isn’t high. And this is definitely the ring Talbott had given you.

   You relish the ability to call this memory to mind. You, dusting the curtains in your cheery flat when Talbott suddenly appears behind you. He presses a small blue box wordlessly into your hands. Your heart stops when you open it.

   Talbott isn't one for material gifts. You never ask them of him. You had intended, once you were married, to find a simple wedding band to indicate your new status. For Talbott to think of it himself means more than you can say in words. Instead, you spend a long, fervid night showing him.

   You close your eyes, savouring the echoes of bliss reverberating through your body. Until a question wheedles its way in like a leech.

   Why would Felix have pretended the ring was his? Even for a second? It didn't fit Felix's extravagant style at all. He hadn't been happy with it, that much is clear from your newly remembered honeymoon scene. So why didn't he remove it after obliviating you? Replace it with another?

   The inconsistency bothers you. Against your better judgment, you tentatively prod your brain for an explanation. But while your memories from before the fateful spell all seem to be intact, the days immediately after remain fuzzy.

     "...talking about visiting her family, and it's much too soon for that. Imagine going all the way to France for a girl he's really only known a short time. I didn't meet Arthur's family until..."

   You shake your head firmly, clearing it of unwanted thoughts. You'll never understand what Felix did. You're not supposed to be thinking about him, anyway. You straighten, and interrupt Mrs Weasley mid-sentence.

   "Can I do something to help, Mrs Weasley?"

   "Oh," Mrs Weasley stops abruptly. "Well, I really only have the potatoes left to mash, and that’s just -"    

   "I'll do it.”

   You walk to the sink before Mrs Weasley can argue. A pot of peeled and boiled potatoes waits expectantly. You tap the masher with your wand and set it to work with vigour. You can feel Mrs Weasley's eyes on you, but you keeps yours fixed to the sink.

   After a moment, Mrs Weasley returns to her knives, now scraping the diced vegetables into a bowl. "You know, I was thinking," she says in an airy, would-be-casual voice that instantly puts you on your guard. "I'd planned for four, and it would be a shame to let all this extra food go to waste. Why not invite your young man to dinner?"

    The masher spins wildly in the pot, spilling potatoes over the side before you can correct it. Mrs Weasley continues as though she hasn’t noticed.

   "It's been some time since you last saw him. And goodness knows, he looks like he could use a solid meal. What he must be eating without anyone to take care of him..."

   You remember the assorted debris of take-away strewn about your old flat's kitchen table. A short stab of pain punctures your lungs. Imagining Talbott alone in the ruins of the home you once shared robs you of air.

   "Y/N, the masher!"

    "What?"

   You look up to find the masher dancing across the counter, trailing potato in its wake. You break the enchantment and return it to the pot, then reach for a dish towel. You try to mop up the soggy potato droppings, but your vision is blurred by tears.

   The dish towel is plucked gently from your fingers. You look up through wet eyes to find Mrs Weasley peering at you in concern.

   "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I didn't mean to press. I understand if you need more time to-"

   "It's not that, Mrs Weasley," you say, through sniffs. "I just...I... I miss him. I miss everything."

   "You know, dear," Mrs Weasley says delicately, "Arthur and I have had our fair share of rows. Why, I remember one in our seventh year, nearly ended us. I couldn't eat a bite for weeks. But, there's never a problem two people can't solve if they're just willing to talk through it."

   You sigh heavily, wiping your hand across your eyes. You let yourself sink into a kitchen chair.

   "Talbott doesn't talk, Mrs Weasley. I'm the one who always solves these sorts of problems. I've never minded, but this time...this time I just don't know how."

   Mrs Weasley flicks her wand at the masher. It resumes its duties at a more stately pace, and she draws the chair next to yours.

   "Talbott is a good man, dear. A bit strange, and - well, I do admit, I'd rather hoped you and Charlie would...well...that doesn't matter now - what I mean to say is Talbott loves you. I'm sure he doesn't expect everything to be just the way it was all at once. But you have to start somewhere or it'll never come right."

   You worry your lip between your teeth. You don’t know what Talbott thinks of you right now, and you’re afraid to find out. But Mrs Weasley's arguments chip away at your fear. You do want to see him again. And Talbott is unlikely to come find you himself.

   "I suppose I might...send him an owl."

   Mrs Weasley's smile is so bright it hurts to look at it.

   "Really? Oh, that's wonderful! I'm so thrilled. Here, let me do it. You go get dressed!"

   "What?"

   "Well, you can't let him see you in that!"

   You look down at your clothes: an old house dress of Mrs Weasley's and a jumper of Charlie's, both extremely baggy.

   "Mrs Weasley, Talbott's seen me in just about everything."

   "Yes, well, a little bit of effort never hurt. In fact, why don't I pop down to Diagon Alley before the shops close and pick up some of those delightful little cakes he liked so much last Christmas. I'll send the owl on the way. Now go!"

    It's useless to argue with Mrs Weasley when she's in this state. You climb the stairs, listening to her chatter to herself as she pulls on a travelling shawl. For the first time in days, you manage a weak smile.

-

   You spend a few minutes prodding your wand across an old summer dress from Mrs Weasley's school days. You've never excelled at the sort of charms Andre used to transform clothes into something magical, but you do your best. The end result, if not exactly fashionable, doesn't look as though two of you might fit in it. You run a brush through the tangled knots in your hair, and, after a minute's debate, decide in favour of lipstick.

    You feel distinctly foolish.

    It makes no sense to be dressing yourself up to meet the man you've lived with since you left school. Even less so to be this self-conscious about it. But Mrs Weasley's excitement has apparently infected you. Your stomach is full of swarming butterflies. It reminds you of your very first date with Talbott.

   You cross to the looking-glass and inspect yourself critically. While you may feel like a teenager again, your reflection shows quite a bit more wear. Your face is pinched and wan, like someone recovering from a long illness. You lean in closer, practicing a smile. Something moves in the corner of the glass.

   You whirl around, fumbling for your wand. The room is empty. It must have a been a trick of the light. Instinct puts you on your guard, however, and you inspect the room again, more slowly. As your eyes pass the window, you catch a glimpse of something moving in the yard. You blink, and look again, unwilling to believe your eyes.

   Felix is picking his way across the long grass, surveying the Burrow with a mixture of distaste and apprehension.

   Your brain stalls. Thoughts peter out as soon as they begin. You don't know what to do, what to think, what to feel.

   Felix glances up. You know he can see your silhouette in the window. It's in the way his rich brown eyes suddenly catch fire.

   "Y/N, I know you're there," Felix calls softly. "I just want to talk to you. Please."

   A battle begins inside you. Part of you wants to hurl a curse out the window at Felix. Part of you wants to hide under the bed. But neither of these are in charge of your feet. You're walking out of the room and down the stairs before your brain catches up to what you're doing. It stops you just before you reach the kitchen door. You can't really be considering this. Felix has proven exactly what he's capable of. Walking out there to him is like walking into a snake pit.

   Only this time, you know. You're prepared. You're not the girl of a year ago, naively believing she could be just friends with a Rosier. Nor are you his thrall. Your head is as clear as it's ever been. And you have things you want to say. You clench your hand firmly around your wand, and step outside.

   You keep your eyes on your feet as you walk. Just taking even steps requires considerable effort. You stop when you see Felix's shoes. It's several seconds before you're able to raise your gaze to his, and then it takes all your self-control to keep your jaw from dropping.

   You've never seen Felix this worse for wear. His robes are so rumpled he might have slept in them. His hair is untidy, his nails unclean. There are circles under his eyes as dark as bruises.

   Pity, and something else you refuse to name, well up inside your throat. The desire to put your arms around him, to stroke his cheek or straighten his hair, anything to fix his face into something less pained, is overwhelming. You hate yourself for it. You quickly recite every terrible thing Felix has done in your head. But you've never been able to stay angry with Felix when he looks at you like that.

   "Y/N." Felix says your name like a prayer. You will your heart not to break. You keep your voice as expressionless as possible.

   "What do you want?"

   "I - I just want to talk," Felix repeats. "To ex-explain."  His impassive mask slips as he stutters. For some reason, this display of nerves inspires you with confidence.

   "I already heard your explanations. What else could you possibly have to say?"

   Felix rubs his palms against his trousers.

   'That wasn't - I mean - I didn't get to...to say everything I needed to. It was all so..."  You don't think you've ever seen Felix so lost for words. You grip your wand tighter to stop your hand reaching for him. "I didn't get to explain myself clearly. Explain what happened. Why I...I did what I did."

   At these words, your desire erupts into rage. It's almost a relief to finally feel it. You let it boil your blood, vibrate in your limbs. You clench your fist around your wand so tight your knuckles turn white. As if the immensity of Felix's crimes could be summed up in a few simple words.

   "You mean, why you obliviated me? Why you erased Talbott from my memories and ruined both our lives?" The bitterness that's festered inside you for weeks spews forth like lava. "You lied to me, Felix! You let me feel like I was going mad! You forced me to marry you, and then kept me locked in your house like a-"

   "But I didn't!" Felix's cry is anguished. It only fuels your fury.

   "How...dare you! How can you really think I'm that stupid? That I would fall for that? I remember everything Felix! I heard you admit it, and I know I'm not insane. Denying what you've done won't change anything, it just makes you look pathetic.”

   Felix flinches as if your word were a curse.

   "I'm not denying what I did. I did...obliviate you. And I did lie. But...I didn't force you to marry me."

   "Just because you didn't hold a wand to my head doesn't mean I wasn't forced. You can't get out of this on semantics."

   "I'm not trying to get out of anything," Felix says quickly. He looks up, staring at a point just near your ear. "Look, I made you forget him...Talbott. I thought...without him to worry about or pressuring you to stay...I could convince you to run. Go visit your relatives in America. But I-I don't know...maybe the spell went wrong. I've never used a memory charm before. But you seemed to forget everything. You weren't sure who you were, or where you were. I was terrified."

   Felix takes a step closer. You know you should stop him, but you're hooked to his words. Your anger flounders as you struggle to find this memory, to prove Felix is lying yet again. But all you remember is Felix's wand pointed at you...then nothing.

   "I didn't know what to do," Felix continues. "I couldn't just leave you there, or - or send you to another country while you didn't even know your own name. So I...I took you home. With me. I thought...maybe I could figure out a way to undo it. Or something. I don't know, I never had to find out. When you woke the next morning, you were better. Or at least, you knew who you were and who I was. But...I suppose the spell had worked because you didn't remember...Talbott." Felix's fingers twist at his sides. "But then you - you saw the ring and you asked if... we were...engaged."

   You look down at the diamond ring on your hand. Something in the way it catches the light reminds you of a moment in the Rosier kitchen: leaning against the butcher's table, your head pounding, a fog across your senses; Felix standing in front of you, as nervous as he is now. You hear your voice ask a question, and you hear Felix's response...

   "I didn't know what to say! I didn't know how to explain the ring without mentioning Talbott, and I didn't know what else you remembered or-or how you felt about me. I just...I wanted you. I've always wanted you, so I...I said-"

   " 'Only if you want to be'."

   Felix's eyes meet yours. There's a soft, eager light in them, as if the memory is something he cherishes.

   "You...remember that?"

   'I didn't until just now."

   You stare at the Felix in front of you, but your mind is faraway. Back in the kitchen, watching Felix wait for your answer. You stood there, your aching mind picking through its tangled memories, sorting through all your moments with Felix. The way he'd always been there for you at school. The way his seriousness made you laugh, and his little touches made you shiver. The decision was as easy as breathing.

   "I said, yes," you whisper into the air.

   Felix says nothing. He only nods.

   The emotions writhing within you evaporate. Anger, desire, everything you've felt toward Felix is suddenly missing. Wind blows, and it sounds like a foreign language. The world around you is as unfamiliar and threatening as a different planet. You don't know how to exist in it. You can only stand, frozen and unsure.

   After a minute of silence, Felix continues.

   "I know I shouldn't have let you believe it, or - or let it go as far as I did. I should have sent you to America, like I meant to. But... I couldn't help it. I love you. I always have." Felix's hand jerks oddly, as if he meant to take yours before thinking better of it."I told myself it was better this way. That you were safer with me. But...you were right. I did it for myself, and I - I'm sorry. I know it doesn't fix anything, but I am. And, I want...to make it up to you."

   This time, Felix lets his hand reach for yours. You make no move to stop him. He strokes your limp fingers delicately, as if they were made of glass.

   "I made a mistake, and I - I hate what it's done to you. But I love you, Y/N. You can't pretend I don't. And if you'll let me, I'll spend my life making it up to you."

   You can only stare. Your brain has forgotten how to form words. Felix is just beginning to look concerned, when the door to the Burrow's kitchen opens with a bang. The sound breaks your spell, and you rip your hand away.

   "Get - off - my - land!"

   Mr Weasley marches across the grass toward you, Mrs Weasley and Talbott in his wake. Mr Weasley's wand is stretched out in front of him, but Talbott gets there first. He sends a quick, silent hex flying across the yard. Felix has no time to block it. He throws himself to the ground to avoid the red light, then rolls into a crouch, wand at the ready.

   "Come inside, Y/N, quickly!" Mrs Weasley grabs your arm and yanks you away. You let her drag you back toward the Burrow. Your legs are too weak to walk on their own. You watch Talbott hurl spell after spell at Felix, who blocks them as he beats a hasty retreat. He reaches the edge of the Weasley property, and with a last glance in your direction, disapparates.

-

   "Sit here, dear. Let me make a cup of tea." Mrs Weasley pushes you into a chair. "I should never have left you alone, I can't believe I-"

   Her prattle is interrupted by the slam of the kitchen door. Talbott tumbles inside, breathing heavily, still clutching his wand. His head swivels until he finds you.

   "Why was he here?"

   It's the first time in weeks you've stared into Talbott's yellow-gold eyes. They're flashing like you've never seen. You search for your voice. Your brain is still racing.

   "What was he doing here, Y/N?"

  Talbott stalks closer, his movements rigid. You open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. You have no frame of reference for Talbott angry with you.

   Mrs Weasley clears her throat. "Now really, Talbott, I don't think that's-"

   "He just...came to talk." Your voice is a low rasp, but it cuts cleanly through Mrs Weasley's protests.

   "To talk?"

   "Yes."

   A feral sort of growl escapes Talbott's throat. He turns, kneading the back of his neck viciously. He paces to the kitchen door, then back again, like a caged animal. It's almost frightening. But you're sick of feeling confusion and fear, and you're sick of feeling sorry. You'd rather be angry some more. You stand, letting the rage you couldn't finish venting on Felix flow through you again.

   "So you talked?” Talbott spits the words, each syllable tight and clipped. "You talked to him after everything he's done? After you know what he is? He's a Death Eater, Y/N, and a liar. That's who you want to talk to?”

   "At least he cared enough to come find me - unlike you." Your words shock Talbott into stillness. “I just disappear, you get some letter that doesn't even sound like me, and you just write me off as lost?"

   Talbott is rooted to the floor. He can't move, even as you advance on him.

   "What Felix did was terrible, Talbott. But he did it because he loves me."

   "You want me to do something terrible to prove I love you?"

   "I just want you to do something!"

   Talbott's nostrils flare. His upper lip twitches like he's holding back a sneer.

   "So, you'd like me better if I were more like Felix Rosier? If I kidnapped you? Cast spells on you to make you do what I want, like a puppet?"

   "I wasn't a puppet!" Your vision blurs red, and you lose all control of your tongue. “Felix didn't force me to marry him, Talbott, I wanted to! When I didn't remember you anymore, I realised I was in love with him and I wanted to be with him. That's what he came for. To remind me of that."

   The ghost of your words lingers in the kitchen for several minutes, each as long as years. Talbott's face is entirely blank. Mrs Weasley's hands are clapped over her mouth in horror. You don't care. Saying it out loud releases a weight from your shoulders. It leaves you light-headed and exhausted.

   "So...you do love him."

   It isn't a question. Talbott's voice is resigned. Guilt tugs at your heart, but you can't really feel it. You're too tired to feel much of anything.

   "I don't know. I don't know...anything anymore." You fall into the nearest chair. You drop your head into your hands, your eyelids heavy. "I feel like I'm two different people. Like I've lived two different lives. I was happy in both of them, but... I don't know which one I am now. Maybe neither. I don't know how to choose."

   Talbott blinks. It draws curtains over his molten eyes.

   "You don't have to choose."

   He turns and walks away from you, without a backward glance.

-

   There's no reunion dinner that night. Mrs Weasley sends you straight up to bed. You hear her and Mr Weasley conversing in low tones into the wee hours of the morning. You pull the pillow over your head. You don't want to hear what they're saying about you.

   It's two days before you're ready to rejoin the rest of the world. Another before you can eat and drink again properly. One more day, and you're participating in conversation, if only to nod or say, "Of course, Mrs Weasley." By the end of the week, you're as close to normal as you were before Felix's unexpected visit.

   The days don't bring you any closer to an answer, but they do bring you further from heartache. You find it's easier to turn your mind from memories of Felix now you've confessed your love out loud.  It's as if the feeling has lost power over you. Each day, the loss of him hurts slightly less.

   The hardest part of your life now is how little you can do for the Order of the Phoenix. Dumbledore's task for you reminds you unpleasantly of your school days: to lay low and let others handle it. You would happily ignore this if you thought you might be useful, but the truth is, you don't know how to help. There's no mystery to solve, no secrets to uncover. Just ones to protect.

   Still, you attend each meeting, week after week. You help Mrs Weasley with the dinner beforehand and the cleaning afterward. You pay attention to the news that's shared. You contribute what insight your experiences offer.

   But mostly you watch Talbott.

   Talbott attends almost every meeting, but you never speak and he never approaches. He sits as close to the door as he can manage, and bolts the moment the meeting ends. He's careful never to turn his eyes on you. You watch him just the same. It’s so long since you’ve been in his presence without something horrible happening. Every movement he makes is mesmerizing, the way it always was at school. His sharp nods, his slow blinks, the tapping of his finger against the table you're sure he's unaware of.

   You miss Talbott, you realise. Or maybe you just miss the part of your life he represents; the life you built together. The damage done to it seems irreparable. Though you spend many nights wracking your brain, you can think of no way to fix it.

   Talbott may choose to ignore your eyes on him, but Mrs Weasley does not. She, at least, is not content to watch and wonder. She renews her encouragements that the two of you talk. She attempts to seat you together at meetings. You deflect her machinations as best you can, but Mrs Weasley won't be thwarted forever.

   One evening she insists on arriving at Grimmauld Place earlier than usual. "It's a large meeting tonight, dear," she explains, a little too airily, "so we'll need to start dinner early. And I promised Sirius I would take a look at the drawing room curtains, he thinks the doxies are moving back in."

   Sirius is sitting at the end of the kitchen table when the two of you enter. You call a soft greeting, but he merely lifts a hand and grunts. He's staring at a notebook on the table in front of him, as if waiting for words to appear in it. You light a fire with your wand and set water to boil, then begin chopping onions.

   As you work, you notice Mrs Weasley shoot furtive glances at the clock. Her attitude is strangely expectant. Something about her nervous energy raises your hackles. When the doorbell clangs, you have a sneaking suspicion who it might be.

   "I'll get it!" she says with entirely too much enthusiasm. You narrow your eyes at her as she leaves.

   "Bit early, isn't it?" grumbles Sirius. You don't reply. You're listening hard to catch the sounds from the floor above. You hear the front door open, and the murmur of low voices. Your heart stutters as you recognise them both. Mrs Weasley returns to the kitchen with a stiff Talbott in tow. Her face is practically glowing.

   "I'm so sorry, dear, Arthur must have got the times mixed up! The meeting's not for another half hour. We're just getting dinner ready, but there's a good bit to do. Perhaps you might be willing to pitch in?"

   Talbott stops moving when he notices you. His head darts about the room, searching for an escape. There's a twinge of heartache at seeing him so desperate to get away from you. You turn back to the onions, face burning.

   You hear Talbott mumble something about not being much good in the kitchen. Mrs Weasley ignores this entirely.

   "Oh, just a bit of slicing. Nothing too difficult! A simple severing charm will work if you're uncomfortable with a knife."

   Mrs Weasley drops a cutting board and several loaves of bread on the table. Even with your eyes down, you can see Talbott's hands in your peripheral vision. You wield your knife with extra care, worried you might sever one of your own jittery fingers.

   The only sound in the room is the dull thud of blades on wood. After a minute, Mrs Weasley speaks into the awkward silence.

   "Well, while I have you two here, I think I'll just pop upstairs and take a look at those curtains. Sirius," she calls, and you hear Sirius stir. "Why don't you show me which room they're in?"

   "It's the curtains in the drawing room, Molly."

   "Why don't you show me," Mrs Weasley says slowly behind a clenched smile. You can't see her face, but you're sure her eyes are boring into Sirius. He must have taken the hint. You hear his chair being pushed back hastily.

   "Oh! Right, of course. I'll show you."

   You close your eyes in a plea for patience. You're not sure whether you want to laugh or cry or throw an onion at Mrs Weasley's retreating back. When you open them again, Talbott is watching you. He looks away as soon as your eyes meet.

   How long has it been since you were this close to Talbott? Close enough that you could reach across and touch his cheek, if you wanted. If you were still allowed.

   Something changes in the room. It takes you a minute to realise what. The sporadic sound of Talbott's knife has stopped. You glance up and find him staring at your hand. You see thoughts race behind his molten eyes.

   "What's wrong?" you ask softly, and feel instantly foolish. What isn't wrong in Talbott's life at the moment? You don't expect him to answer, but after a quick gulp he says, "Your ring." He nods at the naked skin of your fourth finger.

   Your blush is almost painful. It's been so long since you wore your engagement ring, you've actually forgotten to miss it.

   "I...took it off. It didn't feel right...under the circumstances."

   Talbott doesn't reply. His head moves in something that might be a nod or a twitch. His eyes return to his cutting board.

   You work in silence. A silence you grow quickly to hate. It feels ridiculous to be this uncomfortable around the man you've known for years, a man you know better than anyone else. You used to be able to read his silences so well, interpret meaning from his every change in posture. But you suppose you're both different people now. Each unsure what the other is thinking.

   The tension reminds you of something. When you remember what it is, you can't stop a small chuckle. Talbott's head jerks up, eyes registering alarm.

   "Do you remember when we first met?"

   Talbott only blinks.

   "At the start of third year?" you remind him. "When I decided I wanted to become an animagus, and Tulip said I ought to talk to you?"

   "I remember," Talbott says. After a beat he adds, "Why?"

   "I was just thinking...I think that's the last time I was this nervous to talk to you."

   Talbott's eyes shed some of their armor. You catch a glimpse of the man you remember underneath.

   "Why were you nervous to talk to me?"

   "You were so...intimidating." You smile. It's a rusty, disused expression on your face now. "And you looked like the last thing in the world you wanted to do was talk to me.  I was sure you must not like me for some reason."

   It had taken so much courage to seat yourself at the Ravenclaw table that day. You'd defeated a cursed vault, battled yetis and werewolves, and Talbott's piercing gaze had made you more nervous than any of them.

   You return to chopping, but Talbott remains still.

   "I did like you. I'd fancied you since first year."

   The knife slices cleanly through the pad of your finger. Drops of blood sprinkle the onions, but you barely notice. You're looking at Talbott in wonder.

   "You never told me that."

   "Your finger." Talbott nods at your bleeding hand.

   "Why did you never tell me that?"

   Talbott doesn't answer. He walks around the table toward you. Your heart beats louder with each step. He pries the knife from your suddenly clenched fist, and takes your bleeding hand in his. He taps his wand to your wound and murmurs a spell. The skin seals back up flawlessly. Talbott returns his wand to his pocket, but he doesn't release your hand.

   Your gaze is drawn to his face by an impulse you can't control. Talbott's molten eyes are on your mouth. You watch his lips part, his tongue wet them nervously. But he doesn't speak. He doesn't move. You recognise the symptoms. You know he's trapped in his head. There's no parchment or quill to hand, but that tradition really belongs to two different people.

   You lean in to Talbott's face until your lips are a breath apart. You pause, waiting for permission. Talbott hesitates, and your heart stops. Then he closes the narrow space between you. Your lips meet, then meet again. You had forgotten what it feels like to kiss Talbott, or maybe it was never like this before. Your lips tingle, and your skin crawls with desire to be touched. Talbott's mouth is careful, almost reluctant, as if he's sure you'll be gone in a moment. You want to promise him you won't be, but neither of you could believe that now.

   When Talbott doesn't draw you to him the way you're used to, you pull away. You search his face for answers. Yellow-gold eyes meet yours, begging for something you don't understand. You've always been the one to figure out the next move, but this time you need his help.

   "Talbott." Your voice is a whisper. "What do we do now?"

   "I don't know," Talbott murmurs. He closes his eyes so you can't see him think.

   "I don't know how to fix this," you admit softly.

   You lower your gaze to your hands. Your fingers are still twined together.

   "Maybe you can't."

   You look up, your heart horribly still. "Is that...what you want?"

   Talbott untangles his fingers from yours.

   "I want you to be happy. Even...if that's not with me."

   You don't know what to say. You open your mouth hoping the right words will appear on their own, when he kitchen door bangs open.

   Talbott jumps away from you as if hexed. You look up, expecting to see Mrs Weasley.

   It's Professor Snape. By itself, this isn't unusual. Snape is a member of the Order, and he attends every meeting he cannot avoid. It isn't his presence that's cause for concern, it's his unfamiliar expression: one of pale fear. A look you've never seen on the forbidding Professor. The implication leaves you cold. If something has happened to worry Snape...

    "What's wrong, Professor?" you ask.

   "Potter," and even Snape's voice is missing its usual sneer. "Where is Black?"

-

  You must look ridiculous, you think to yourself, sprinting through the Ministry for Magic alongside Talbott and Sirius in a sundress of all things. At school, there was always time to dress carefully before running into danger. But Harry Potter and his friends are trapped in the Department of Mysteries, and you're determined to help, no matter what you're wearing.

   "What are they doing here?" Mad-Eye Moody addresses Talbott as the three of you reach the lifts. "They can't be here. They're not aurors."

   Both you and Sirius begin to argue at once. Your recitation of all the dark wizards and dangerous creatures you've defeated is drowned by Sirius' roars of, "I'm his godfather!" Your words reverberate through the huge, empty chamber until Moody slams his staff against the ground for silence.

   "There's no time. Just get in!"

   The four of you squeeze into the lift where Kingsley Shacklebolt, Remus Lupin, and Tonks are already waiting. The small space throbs with tension as the lift makes its impassively slow descent.

   "Isn't there another way?" Sirius barks, slapping his wand against his leg.

   "No," says Kingsley shortly.

   Moody shuffles about to fix his normal, beady eye on you.

   "Seeing as neither of you are aurors, and you ought not to be here in the first-"

   "I am Harry's godfather!"

   "Then make him your responsibility!" Moody snaps at Sirius. "You, Remus, and Y/N: find the students and get them out. Leave the Death Eaters to us."

   You give a sharp nod. Talbott shifts uncomfortably next to you.

   The lift finally settles. Your party is out and running before the doors click shut behind you. Moody leads the way through the Department of Mysteries labyrinth, a strange instrument in the hand not holding his wand apparently providing him directions.

   "This way!" he calls, leading the group through another door.

   Adrenaline courses through you as you run. It's a feeling as familiar as your old school robes. This is your element. For the first time in so long, you’re unburdened by confusion or indecision. When you burst through a door to find black-robed figures surrounding two students, you know exactly what to do.

   In front of you, the aurors advance on the Death Eaters. Their spells fill the room with light and sound. You wait until the Death Eaters have turned to face this new threat, then descend toward the dark-haired boys, yanking them into a crouch behind a stone step.

   "Where are the others?"

   You have to shout to be heard over the noise of the duelling around you. The boy with glasses - Harry Potter, you realise by the scar - rips his eyes away from the fight.  

   "Up there! They're still in that other room." He gestures at a different door than the one you entered through. "The girls are all unconscious, I think. And Ron - one of those brain things got him. You have to help them!"

   You twist around, searching for Sirius or Lupin. Sirius is a few rows down, a wide grin on his face as he duels. Lupin, you don't see at all. You cast about for threats, but the boys don't appear to be in immediate danger.

   "Stay here," you order them, feeling a bit of a hypocrite. "Wands out, heads down."

   Keeping your body low to minimise your target, you sprint up the stairs. None of the Death Eaters have a glance to spare for you, and you make it to the door unmolested. Before you push through it, you can't help but look back, scanning the fight for yellow-gold eyes.

   Talbott is dueling a Death Eater nearly twice his girth. You watch, transfixed. You've never seen Talbott move like this. He's usually twitchy, better in the air than on his feet. Now, as he duels, his movements are smooth and precise. He twists to avoid a purple spell, then spins back, sending a stunner of his own. It catches the Death Eater in the chest, and he drops instantly. In spite of everything, you grin.

   As if able to feel your gaze, Talbott's eyes find yours across the room. You nod your head at the door to indicate your direction. Then, with a last look at Talbott, you hurtle through.

-

   Desks and shelves and heavy tables indicate the room is some sort of office. Only every single piece of furniture is now overturned or collapsed. You step with caution, but still manage to slip. The floor is slick with liquid. You notice strange, jelly-like objects floating in the shallow pools - the brains Harry Potter had mentioned? You take care to avoid them as you search for signs of the students.

    "Hello?" you call softly. There's no answer.

   You reach the middle of the room and survey your surroundings. There's a door just ahead; another to the side. You're considering which is more likely when you hear shallow breathing nearby. You ready your wand, then hesitate. It could be one of the students, hiding from you. Ron or Ginny would know you right away, but not the others.

   "It's alright," you call again. "I'm here to get you out. I'm a friend. I'm with the Order."

   "Well, hello, Friend with the Order."

   You whirl around. A tall figure in a black hood emerges from behind a fallen cabinet. Without pause for thought you yell, "Stupefy!" but he easily sidesteps the spell. You cast a quick shield charm, blocking his return attack, then steady yourself for another. But the Death Eater hesitates. His hood flicks to a space over your left shoulder. On instinct, you dive to the side. Red sparks explode through the air where your body had been, thrown by a second Death Eater behind you. His spell hits the other masked figure in the arm and he howls in rage and pain.

   "Watch where you're aiming!" he snarls, clutching his injury.

    You use the second's distraction to throw yourself behind a desk. You lean back against it, breathing through your nose and thinking past your racing heartbeat. The wreckage of furniture forms an almost unbroken wall for several metres. If you can just make it around without them noticing...

   One of the Death Eaters shouts a curse. Red light slams your hiding spot into the wall with a crash. But you're already two desks away, flat against the floor and crawling carefully. Your dress snags as you press close to the wall of splintered wood.

   "Just kill her!"

   "Rosier said not to kill until we're sure Malfoy has the prophecy. You want to go back to the Dark Lord empty-handed?"

   "That's the students, not the Order members.'

   These words make your heart stutter horribly. Your hand slips on the wet floor.

   "Over there!"

   Heavy footfalls sound nearby. You straighten, but only make it to your knees before two hooded figures loom over the desk. There's time to aim a stunning spell at only one. The Death Eater you hit drops instantly, but your stomach still clenches in dread. The other's wand is pointed at your face and his spell is already half voiced.

   "Avada-"

   You throw yourself flat, your only hope that the spell might miss. You hold your breath, waiting for bright green light.

   But the rest of the curse never comes. There’s the thud of a body hitting the floor. Then rapid footsteps. You roll over quickly, wand at the ready.

   "Y/N?"

   Felix's black hood is thrown back. His rich brown eyes gaze down at you, swimming in fear and relief. You squeeze your own shut to stop yourself staring. It's been so long since you've seen that expression, you'd forgotten how much you missed it. Or maybe you've never been so glad to see it. You take in large gulps of air, trying to catch your breath.

   "Are you alright? What are you doing here?“

   Felix's panicked words remind your of your mission. You push yourself up with a groan, skin smarting where it's smacked the hard floor. Felix bends hastily, holding out a hand. You hesitate for only a second before letting him pull you to your feet.

   It's a moment before either of you can speak. Felix inspects you from head to toe, presumably searching for injuries. You straighten your dress, trying to hide your blush. You wish you were wearing something more substantial.

   "I...thank you...I guess," you say at last, to your shoes. You're not quite ready to look Felix in the face.

   Felix doesn't answer. You lift your gaze, head buzzing with nerves, and catch him staring at your hand.

   "You're...not wearing your ring," Felix says haltingly. An eager light flickers briefly in his eyes. "Are you and Talbott...not-"

   Your face contorts in annoyance. You cross your arms to hide your hand.

   "Is this really the time?"

   Shaking his head as if to clear it, Felix answers, "No. No it's not." Hints of concern reform on his features. "Y/N, you have to go. Now."

   "I'm not going anywhere,” you insist hotly. “Not until I find the other students."

   "They're safe. Relatively. As safe as I could manage. If the aurors hurry, they can get them out in time.”

   "What do you mean, as safe as you can manage?"

   "We have them rounded up in another room," Felix explains rapidly, eyes darting nervously to the doors. "I convinced the others we could use them as leverage, so they're not about to be killed. I'll make sure the aurors finds them, I promise. Just trust me."

   At the word We, you can't suppress a shiver. It isn't the pleasant sort of shiver Felix usually inspires.

   "Trust you?" you repeat, adjusting your grip on your wand. "You're a Death Eater, Felix."

   Felix makes a noise of exasperation. He shuffles in place, as if desperate to be gone.

   "That doesn't mean I want students to be killed. I'm not a murderer."

   "How could I know? You've already proven you're more than willing to lie to me when it suits you."

   "That was to keep you safe! " Felix almost shouts in frustration. "Exactly what I'm trying to do now!"

   He makes a sudden movement as if to grab your shoulders. You jump back, wand lifting on instinct. Felix freezes. He eyes your wand, and perhaps you're only imagining hurt in the lines of his face. When he speaks again, his words are fast and strained.

   "Y/N, I made a mistake. An awful mistake, and I'm paying for it every day I'm not with you. Every day I wake up and realise I have - have nothing." Felix's voice cracks briefly. "I know I deserve that. I deserve for you not to trust me. But you have to believe that all I want in the world is get you out of here alive."

    You wish you didn't believe him. It would make everything so much easier. But in spite of his crimes, your instinct about Felix hasn't changed. You can't imagine him ever doing anything to hurt you. On purpose, anyway.

   "If that's true," you say softly, "Then help me get the students out. Because I'm not going anywhere until I do."

   It's clear from Felix's grimace how much he dislikes this plan. He runs desperate fingers through his hair, searching for cracks in your resolute expression. But your face remains firm. Felix is finally forced to sigh.

   "Alright. Follow me."

-

   Felix leads you through the twisting labyrinth of rooms and corridors, most showing evidence of a fight. Doors are splintered or hang off hinges, and you have to watch your feet to avoid scattered piles of broken glass. You're just beginning to be concerned about how far in you are when Felix stops outside a heavy, un-battered door. A low mutter of voices carries from inside.

   "Stay here," Felix whispers. Catching sight of your raised eyebrows, he adds, "Please. There are guards. I'll need to get rid of them."

   "I can help," you whisper back, but Felix shakes his head. Only your desire to find the students quickly keeps you from further protests. Reluctantly, you lean against the wall out of sight of the door. Felix readjusts his black hood before sweeping into the room.

   As soon as the door clicks shut behind him, you press your ear to the jam. You can hear Felix's footsteps walking away, his voice mingling with the others. You lean in closer, trying to make out the words, until a deafening bang from inside makes you flinch. You hear footsteps again, this time coming closer, running fast across hard floor. You grip the doorknob but hesitate, unsure whether to intervene. 

   Someone shouts an incantation. There's a heavy thud, and a voice cries out in pain. Felix's voice. Without thinking, you grab the handle and fling the door wide.

   It takes you only a second to locate Felix, hood askew and blood dripping from his face, on the floor in the middle of the dimly lit room. Another hooded figure looms over him, wand out and aimed.

   "Stupefy!"

   Your jet of light hits the Death Eater square in the chest. Without waiting to watch him fall, you swing your wand from side to side, searching for enemies. But the only other robed figure you see lies prone beside a door set into the opposite wall.

   Felix groans. You step forward quickly, holding out your hand and helping him struggle to his feet. There's a long, clean gash down the side of his face. You're surprised at how sick the sight of the wound makes you.

   "Are you alright?"

   "I - yes, of course. That was..." Felix rubs the back of his neck, not quite able to meet your eye. "Thank you."

    You're saved from thinking up a reply by a muffled cry from behind. Three girls and a boy, all dressed in Hogwarts robes, are huddled against the wall as if thrown there, each trussed up in snaking, black cords. Only one is awake and struggling.

   "Ginny!"

   You skirt the fallen Death Eater and drop to the ground, using your wand to sever Ginny's bonds. As soon as you tug the cord out of her mouth, Ginny croaks, "Y/N, he's one of them! He's a Death Eater, too!"

   You follow her frantic gaze to Felix, standing awkwardly in the background.

   "It's alright, Ginny. He's a friend."

   Felix blinks, and for a moment his face is filled with the soft joy you love so much to see. Then a door slams.

   Felix whirls around, wand raised, and you're on your feet only a second later. But no attack comes; no spells fly. You glance between the doors on either end of the room, but no new hooded figures appear. Instinct suddenly chills your blood and you scan the floor instead.

   "Where's...the other one?" you ask haltingly.

   Felix's eyes widen as he understands. He shoots a panicked look at the place where the Death Eater had fallen, but his body is nowhere to be seen. Felix sprints to the far door, pressing his ear against it.

   "He...must have gone to get the others."

   Felix runs his wand across the door frame, sealing it with a squelch. You turn back to Ginny, struggling to stand on what looks like a broken ankle. You mutter, "Episkey" and watch the swelling in the ankle subside, then inspect the other three students. It isn't immediately clear what's wrong with them, but none react when you attempt to use magic to wake them.

   "We'll have to carry them," you tell Felix, at your side once more. "You take Ron and I'll get the taller girl. Ginny, do you think you could carry the blonde one? She looks the lightest."

   "This isn't going to work." Something in Felix's voice makes your skin crawl.

   "Why not?”

   "It’s too late. The rest of the Death Eaters will be here in minutes. Even if we use magic to carry them, we'll never make it to the lifts in time."

    A leaden weight sinks in your stomach. There's too much truth in Felix's words for you to deny. You cast about for counterpoints, solutions, some sort of foolproof plan, but your brain comes up short.

   "Well," you say, forcing yourself to breathe through your panic, "We'll just have to try. Maybe there's somewhere we can hide, or-"

   A second slam in as many minutes almost shatters your brittle nerves. You fumble with your wand, aiming it at the door nearest you this time, and almost drop it when you recognise the intruders.

   "Talbott," you breathe in relief. "Tonks, Lupin, thank Merlin! The students are here and we've got to get them out. Now. Death Eaters are on the way..."

   But Talbott's face steals the words from your lips. He's staring at Felix with eyes so molten they might be made of fire. When he speaks, his voice thrums with suppressed hatred.

   "Drop it." Talbott gives a curt nod at Felix's half-raised wand.

   Felix's gaze flicks warily from Talbott to Tonks, her wand also lifted, to Lupin, ignoring the stand-off and kneeling to inspect the unconscious students. You notice all three are pale and grim-faced, and you wonder what else has happened. But there isn't time for questions now.

   "I said, drop it!"

   "Talbott, wait!" You step quickly in between the two men. "Felix led me here. He was keeping the students safe."

   Talbott doesn't even blink. If it weren't for his reply, you'd wonder if he heard you at all.

   "One half-decent act doesn't make him any less of a Death Eater."

   "But he isn't helping the Death Eaters, he's helping us! Helping me. He saved my life from a Death Eater that-"

   "This isn't about you!" Flame flickers in Talbott's eyes. "This isn't about us. This is my job. We're rounding up all the Death Eaters. You'll have to plead his case to Mad-Eye, if that's what you want."

   The thought of trying to convince Mad-Eye Moody to give Felix a second chance makes you blanch. You open your mouth to argue, but this time it's Felix who cuts you off.

   "You won't have to worry about in any of that in a minute. A dozen powerful wizards are on their way through that door." Felix jerks his head toward the other end of the room. "I highly doubt you'll be able to round them all up just the three of you."

   Talbott spares a wary glance at the far door.

   "He's right," Tonks chimes in, her voice uncharacteristically serious. "Let's get the students out first, then come back with Mad-Eye and the others."

   Tonks lowers her wand, and moves to help Lupin with the unconscious teenagers. Lupin has already lifted the taller, bushy-haired girl over his shoulder, and uses his wand to levitate the unconscious Ron. Tonks mirrors his spell on the small, blonde girl. She wraps her free arm around Ginny to help keep weight of her still-tender ankle.

   "We'll never make it at that pace," Felix says darkly, eyeing the careful way Lupin manoeuvres Ron toward the door. "They'll catch us up before we're halfway to the lifts."

   "You're not going anywhere until you drop your wand!" Talbott tries to point his wand around you at Felix, but you move with him, blocking his view. Behind you, Felix snorts.

   "And leave myself unarmed when they all surge in at any second? I've betrayed them! They'll spare me about as much mercy as they will you."

   A soft sound from the far end of the room suddenly stops your heart. All three of you fall silent as you watch the doorknob turn slowly. It rotates each way once, then stills. You hold your breath, braced for another loud slam, but the door remains closed.

   "Tonks," you say into the trembling silence, "You and Lupin, take the students and go."

   Lupin is two steps ahead of you. He has Ron through the door already, and waits impatiently for Tonks. But Tonks looks from you to Talbott uncertainly.

   "I think...we ought to stick together."

   "We'll be right behind you," you say. "We'll give you time to get to the lifts." You try to smile reassuringly, but your mouth doesn't remember how. You can only hope you sound more confident than you look.

   Tonks continues to hesitate, until a hard thud on the opposite door makes her and Ginny both jump.

   "Come on!" Lupin calls from the other room. Tonks shoots a final, unsure look at Talbott before forcing the eerily floating blonde student ahead of her through the door.

   Another thud, then the sound of voices echoes from the other side of the room. The doorknob rattles again, violently this time. The noise seems to shake Talbott from his unswervable anger. His wand wavers before finally abandoning Felix for the far door, his eyes reflecting frantic thought.

    "What spell did you use on the door?" you ask Felix, your voice betraying your nerves. Felix's answer is equally unsteady.

   "It's a variation on an imperturbable charm. But it's not impenetrable. With enough of them, they can break the spell." Felix's head snaps toward you, mouth set in a thin, grim line. "Y/N, you need to leave. Now. Go with the others."

    "That's ridiculous, we stand a better chance with three of us.“

   "He's right." Both you and Felix look at Talbott in shock. For the first time since entering the room, Talbott meets your gaze. "You need to go."

   "I'm not leaving you," you argue, holding Talbott's eyes. You're close enough that you can watch the fire in them melt into liquid, like a churning yellow-gold ocean.

   "Please, Y/N, go." And there's a pain in Talbott's voice like you've never heard. "I can't lose you. Not again."

   Your heart breaks gently at Talbott's confession. Exactly as it had when he first managed to pen those words. You wish you could promise him something, anything to assuage his fear. But the far door is shaking now. You've run out of time. You take a breath, steeling yourself for a last stand, the way you have so many times before. Facing death is nothing new for you, but you don't want anything to be left unsaid if it comes.

   "Talbott." You close the distance between you in short, measured steps, as though worried he might fly away. "I did get lost...but I found my way back. You led me back. And I'm not going anywhere. Not ever again. I - I promise." Your fingers brush Talbott's softly, asking permission. "Whatever happens, happens to both of us."

  Talbott's fingers close around yours on instinct. He grips your hand tightly, all his attention on you as if there were nothing else in the room.

   "Do you mean that?"

   You can only nod, your words exhausted. But he sees the answer in the spark of your eye.

   "Y/N." Talbott releases your hand to reach for your face. He strokes your cheek in careful wonder like he's forgotten how. You close your eyes, reveling in his touch.

   "Go."

   The word startles both of you. Talbott let his hand fall abruptly. You turn to face Felix, unable to hide a slight blush. Talbott's mere touch has made you so dizzy you can't comprehend Felix's meaning right away.

   "What?"

   "Go. Both of you, go." Something has changed in Felix’s voice. It's no longer nervous. It's no longer anything. It's empty and lifeless, like the voice of a corpse. "I'll distract them. Tell them some story. Buy you enough time to get to the lifts."

   You shake your head slowly. "No...Felix, that's...there must be some other-"

   Felix takes your chin delicately in his hand, and your voice trails away. You feel Talbott shift beside you, but Felix moves no closer. His empty eyes merely wander your face, as if trying to memorise each part of it.

   "Y/N. Let me do this. For you. I-" His voice cracks like dead leaves. "I never meant to hurt you."

   The pounding on the far door intensifies. The heavy wood splinters, and light pokes through from the other side. If anything else can be seen, your vision is too blurry to catch it. You close your hand around Felix's, trying to blink back the tears. There's so much you want to say to him. To this man who handles you so delicately, looks at you like treasure, loves you like you're the only thing in the world that matters. But you aren't sure there are words to explain how you feel. You can only nod, and say inadequately, "I know."

   Felix releases your face, then locks eyes with Talbott.

   "Keep her safe."

    Talbott's jaw tenses once before he manages a short nod. He grasps your hand again and tugs you gently toward the door.

   You take a last look at Felix Rosier, watching you walk away from him.

    "Go," he says once more. 

    Felix turns to face the oncoming noise. And you turn and run the other way, Talbott at your side.

   You don't stop running until you reach the lifts. Talbott guides you back through the labyrinth of rooms, never loosing his grip on your fingers. There's no sign of Tonks, Lupin, and the students, and you can only hope distantly that they've made it out alright. Once inside the lift, you throw yourself against the wall. Your breathing comes in short, painful gasps and hot tears still threaten the corners of your eyes.

   "Are you alright?" Talbott's voice is so quiet you almost miss it under the sound of blood pounding in yours ears.

   You glance up at Talbott, blinking through your tears. He stands stock still, eyes alert and tense. You choke back a mad laugh. It reminds you forcibly of teenaged Talbott: the awkward, anxious boy you fell in love with almost instantly, whose stillness hid such depths and inspired the best in you.

   "Yes," you answer honestly, wiping your eyes. "I'm - I'm alright." You take a shuddering breath, trying to settle your swirling thoughts. "Talbott... I-"

   There's no time to worry about finding the right words. Talbott takes your face in his hands and stops you with a kiss like wildfire. He clutches you to him, dragging his hands across you artlessly, trying to pull you into him until you occupy the same space. It's a closeness you've craved for so long, and your hands are no less wild. You can never have enough of this. Enough of him.

   You tear your lips away, gasping for breath, but Talbott won’t release you. You're forced to speak against his neck as he clings to you for life.

   "Talbott, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." You repeat the words over and over. You can't think of anything else to say. Talbott's head shakes where its pressed against yours.

   "I'm sorry," he whispers.

   "What?"

   You struggle to ease Talbott’s hold on you just enough so you can meet his molten eyes.

   "You've always come after me. All the time I've known you, our whole lives - I run and you come find me. And the one time you needed me to come find you, I didn't. I was...too afraid." Talbott tangles his fingers in your hair, closing the fraction of space between you again, until his forehead rests against yours. "But this time, I promise...I won't let you go. Not ever again."

   For once, it's you that can’t give your thoughts voice. When the lift doors open, you and Talbott are still clasped together, speaking softly in a language that communicates feeling better than words ever could. 

-

    Epilogue

   "Good morning," you whisper huskily in your husband's ear.

   He groans without opening his eyes. You giggle softly, trailing breathy, teasing kisses up his neck, under his chin. His lips part, inviting yours into a lazy, lingering kiss. When you pull away, his eyes remain firmly shut.

   "You're sleepy this morning," you murmur.

   Talbott cracks an eye. "You know, some people sleep in on their honeymoon."

   "Really?"

   "Mmhmm. Some people even enjoy it."

   You trace his collarbone with a finger. You can hear Talbott's breath catch.

   "Strange. I enjoy my waking life a lot more than dreams."

   Talbott stirs, at your touch or your words. He rolls you over in his arms until you're pinned beneath him. You revel in the sensation of being very slightly crushed by the body you adore.

   "What's so great about it, then?" Talbott asks in dry amusement. "The smell of the sea, or the sound of the waves, or the room service that means we never actually have to get out of bed?"

   You grin, and shake your head against the pillow. "None of the above."

   "Really?"

   "Really." You trail your fingernails lightly up and down Talbott's back, savouring the feel of his warm skin. Talbott shudders under your hands. He locks eyes with you, his molten, yellow-gold stare saying everything you love to hear. He leans down to murmur against your lips:

   "What then?"

   You smile. Your mouth meets Talbott's and you say in between tantalising kisses:

   "I'm Mrs Talbott Winger. I'm your wife. I'm on my honeymoon - in the middle of a war, where we're being constantly hunted - but...I'm with you. So I'm better than safe."

   Talbott's only response is another kiss, but you know exactly what he means.

[black-streak]

Hi! Can you write a timXmarinette, with Tim finding out about Syren??? And being really angry on her behalf??

Hello, thanks for the prompt!

With him being the batboy with like, the least anger issues, his anger is less... Explosive than the others? But I can certainly try!

Really though, I'm liking writing these completely out of context bits so if anyone wants to send prompts or have me expand on one of these, let me know.

~---~

"What's your best idiotic villain moment?"

"Best or most ironic?"

"Hmm… most ironic"

"Has to be the time the Riddler forgot the answer to his own game. It took twice as long to figure it out, but it was completely worth it to see him scrambling alongside us to figure out his own traps."

"Please tell me you got that on video?"

"I Wish I had the foresight to have had a camera on me. I do have footage of Nightwing electrocuting himself on his escrima sticks though."

"I will literally pay you to see that."

"Here, let me pull it up."

Tim turned back to the monitors, flipping through feeds until he was able to pull up some of the older footage he had stored in a seperate file for his own needs. Tim and Mari had no idea who had the idea to set them up in the watchtower together for a shift on the screens, but they were taking full advantage of the quiet night and full access to so many of the justice league's cameras. It somehow led to a round of vigilante styled twenty questions. 

"Okay, real question," he spoke while finding the image of Dick making a fool of himself and expanding it on the screen, "worst akuma costume?"

"Oh god, how do I even answer that? Bubbler? Maybe the Bubbler. The stark primary colors with the way the rubber suit formed into little beads on him? It was downright horrific, not to mention an inappropriate look for a barely fourteen year old!"

"Mari! I'm scandalized you would even think such a thing?"

"Oh, like you weren't thinking it the first time you saw his getup!"

"Suuure."

"Alright, most horrific thought you had while fighting Catwoman."

"That's easy. Realization that the fights were foreplay for her and Batman and yet they didn't mind that I was present for half of them."

"That's just messed up."

"You're telling me.  Will never get the image of them half growling at each other out of my head. I've been traumatized."

"Aww, poor little bird."

"Yeah, right, make fun of me now, but you weren't there! If you're so confident about it, then fine. Most traumatic thing Your former partner put you through."

Marinette went quiet at that, a thoughtful look on her face, "Honestly?"

That took him off guard, but recovering quickly, he closed the files and turned to face her fully, "Honestly."

"The Syren incident."

"When Paris was flooded, right?" He asked, taking hold of her hands as she stared at her lap.

"Yeah. All of Paris went underwater. Most of the population couldn't have made it to high ground on time. Likely dead. Never got an estimate on the numbers."

"That sounds terrible, but you said it was your partner that made it worse?"

"Let's just say there's a reason I avoid going back to Paris unless it's for a cat hunt."

"He didn't help, did he?"

"Worse.  He sat on a roof and outright refused to help unless I told him everything I knew. Most of which wasn't mine to tell. Wasn't information I could divulge. Afterwards, I found out from his kwami that he threatened to revoke the miraculous if Plagg didn't abide by his wishes. He actually threatened to quit and leave me permanently."

"And he still has a miraculous."

"Haven't been able to trap him down when he's transformed and with the Master no longer around to just tell me who the holder is and Plagg forced by magic to not reveal it…"

"You're stuck."

"Pretty much."

Tim went silent, turning back towards the screens and pulling up file after file, hunting through pieces of lost memories faster than she could process them, all centered around Paris. She knew that Tim was aware the transformations never showed up on film, so what was he? Suddenly more and more pictures of Chat came into focus as he narrowed down the database search further, opening up a seperate file with a map to trace the cat's movements. 

"Tim, what are you-"

"One second."

He continued, tracing lines on top of lines and mapping routes and routines and finding every point the cat had jumped out from seemingly nowhere. Marinette could only sit back in awe at his handiwork as a picture slowly began to draw itself. Sure, they couldn't look past the magic surrounding them to figure out an identity head on, no matter how hard they tried, but that didn't mean you couldn't trace the movements, find the inconsistencies. Figure out who showed up in every location only seconds away from every transformation and detransformation the cat made. Never before had Mari been more grateful that she always checked for camera free areas of the city and made sure her civilian self never showed up from the same entrances or exits that ladybug used after that first year. And that most of the footage from over five years ago was archived or scrapped. It took about an hour, but finally he slowed to a stop.

"Tim? What's up?"

"I found him." He grumbled out.

"You did?" She almost launched out of her seat in surprise, "Seriously? You mean it?"

"I don't know why I didn't think of this method before, but I'm telling you, I got it. You'll get the final miraculous restored to the box," he said with a sense of finality.

"How did you- did you even?- really?" Her voice broke on the last word.

"What can I say, hatred can get you far. Let me get someone up here to cover us and we can go dip a cat in acid."

He stood up, an icy look in his eyes. As he turned to leave the control room, Marinette launched herself at him in a full body hug, catching him completely off guard.

"You're officially my favorite. You can tell everyone, even wonder woman, I don't care. You are my literal hero. Can I marry you?"

Blushing bright red and sputtering, he started at her in utter bewilderment, "What?"

"I'm serious. You do not get what a huge burden you just lifted off my shoulders. I will marry you right now if you want."

"Okay, no need to make such huge promises yet, let's go actually get the miraculous first," he deflected, turning a fascinating shade of cardinal red.

Detaching herself, she grabbed his hand bouncing with energy as they left the room to find some poor soul to take over their job while they hunted. God, she loved him. Now if only he would take her seriously when she confessed.

"Who is it, anyways?"

[bearpillowmonster]

Static Shock Retrospective

I was watching Young Justice: Season 2 (Invasion) when I decided I wanted to watch this, I always liked Shock but never got into the lore of it, and I love his powers. I've seen gifs of the show and thought it looked interesting but never really got around to it, I just haven't been in the mood. Then I saw a video on YouTube called "Jimmy no!" not knowing that it was from Static Shock and oh boy...it got dark, I wasn't expecting it to go that deep, that kind of thing wouldn't get aired today but it made me interested in it again.

I started the first episode and Virgil's personality made it for me, mix that with Richie, played by Jason Marsden (aka Max Goof and Kovu) and you have a very nice protag duo. I instantly knew that I was going to finish it when I saw him using a blanket like Dr. Strange's cape or a homing device because of his static cling. Yes I started it because it's dark, but the series isn't always dark, just parts of it, like the first episode has to do with gangs, another with racism, then one where a kid gets trapped in a vault and is losing oxygen?? I mean is my memory hazy and cartoons were just like this and aren't now?

They call the people who were in the accident from his origin "Bang Babies" which sounds like a play on Baby Boomers, Virgil is pretty quippy like that. With this, I'm not a big fan of all the baddies coming from the same incident as our hero, especially when we don't see them all there in that episode, you might as well say that the whole town was infected.

Does it withstand the test of time? Well yeah, as I mentioned, there are things we probably wouldn't see in today's television but the topics are quite relevant as well as the humor. The visual style is pretty nice, the language they use isn't as "cringy early 2000's crap" as I thought, the only sign of age is formats, they'll talk about VCRs and have CDs hanging from the ceiling. The actual content is ahead of it's time with almost public service announcement type episodes that are extremely relevant today, for example, one episode they go to Africa and they show that "Black people can be superheroes too." and Virgil says about how in America he's a black kid, but in Africa he's just a regular kid and asks Ritchie if that's what it's like for him all the time. They talk about culture, sometimes it'll teach a lesson that way and it's so wholehearted that it just fits, it's really nice and surprising to see. 

They have sections at the end of the show where they'll have an artist draw a specific character, it's different every time, I have a knack for that and for some reason I remember it?? Maybe I accidentally caught it one day or I'm confusing it for something else because I'm pretty sure I never saw the actual show but it's only after some episodes from what I can see. I think I remember Avatar doing something similar, I guess great shows think alike. 

Here’s a link if interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PPMgBU_GmU

Virgil's mother is gone, they make that apparent pretty much from the get-go so no spoilage here but I like the way they make his sister pick up where she left off. Like there's a running occurrence where she'll make a meal for the family and Virgil will make fun of it and say something like "Runny...just the way I like them..." about his eggs, it's like she's doing this stuff to fill the gap and failing but she's making the effort and that's all that counts, for as much or little as we see her, this is a nice little additive to her overall character. As for his mother though, I like that they go all in and make that a running theme, sometimes having full episodes commemorating her.

There are some special guests too. I won't say any more on that though, I'll let it be a surprise if you decide to watch it because the crossover episodes are hands down some of the best I've seen and another reason I started this series.

I got about halfway through the series and I was like "Oh yeah, what about Frida?" She appears in the very first episode and she seems like a main character, then Daisy enters the scene a little later but Frida's kind of been pushed back to the background, used only when the plot finds her convenient, so we don't really get a whole lot of character from her. I guess that's representative to the series as a whole because what I got was a lot different than what I expected from those first few episodes.

In season 3, they change up the intro, it kind of fits the times, the original one sounded kind of 90's, the second one sounds very early 2000s, I suppose it fits the flow. We still get the original theme during Static's bigger moments, but they do that for all the seasons. What's funny to me is that if you read the Wikipedia page, it says they wanted something fast paced with "DMX-type vocals", ha! As if. I will say that some of the OST overall has a few really good tracks, but unfortunately I haven't found a way to find them on their own, separated from the show. I know most of them only last a short time but other DC shows still have the OST released despite being fairly short or only being in a specific episode. That's not the only thing that changes, he has a second design, which I personally have become accustomed to the white shirt over black but it is what it is, his costume was literally just street clothes in Young Justice and I was surprisingly okay with that so whatever suit is fine. The second one is meant to show that he's growing and it definitely seems that way with the sleeker design and more black added but what I really like about it is that he takes the jacket off sometimes and the Static shirt is just a sleeveless black shirt, it just adds more variety in my opinion. Daisy's overall design changed too for whatever reason and Frida's changed a tiny bit, her's is a little harder to notice.  

For some reason in the middle of the season, in the episode "Consequences" and "Trouble Squared", he changes back to his old suit (I mean he could have just had the old suit lying around and decided to use it for old times sake) but it seems like that episode was made before S3 started or something else because Daisy has her old design as well. It also shows that he has a FULL white mask, not just the eye mask, like a part that goes over his head, I'm not sure if that's supposed to be where his hood is or what but he takes it out of his backpack separated from his hoodie. It might've been just a miscolor though. He has electric as his power (obviously) but they use it in pretty creative ways, the most outlandish and kind of dumb one though is that they basically have him use Photoshop. 

You can also argue that he makes the computer a touch screen.

Now Season 4's first episode is really pretty cool, reminds me of something out of Ben 10 but without spoiling it, there's a part in an earlier season where Static asks where a certain character is and they respond by alluding to a DC reference, however we see that character again in the season 4 opener so the timeline doesn't fit, there are a few other inconsistencies but that's the one I'll mention.

Season 4 also seems to have a return for a lot of different characters almost like a sequel to those episodes. Those are hit or miss, some do well while others don't. It's easily my least favorite of the seasons. It's not bad or anything, it has some really good episodes but the good to bad episode ratio is just more than the other seasons, I must have been spoiled by the consistent number of good episodes.

This may be the realest animated tv series I've ever seen and it's about SUPERHEROES! The way they manage that is unbelievable. I hope we see more of this character, somewhere, anywhere because he’s been given the backseat in pretty much everything, even the comics, he’s been absent from those for quite a while, I feel like now is an excellent time to bring him back, I mean look at the current position we’re in.

The last retrospective I did was American Dragon, there are a few things that I can compare between the two endings but does this one seem definitive? Well in a way, yes, it seems like a very good last episode but doesn’t end everything off in such a way that there wouldn’t be room for one more season. I have a feeling they knew it was the last episode given the way they sort of built it up here and there. The cancellation, however, was caused by the lack of toy sales, not lack of views, however I can’t say I’ve really seen any merchandise from the show.

Seems like there were some dinky Subway toys and a GBA game...

[abyssmail]

Caerul Design Notes,

because I’ve actually put a lot of thought into creating Caerul’s aesthetic and I’m lowkey really proud of it.  I won’t get into her actual character concept/personality/backstory/etc. since this got super long, but this is how/why I made the choices I did with regards to her name and visual design!

▶ Caerul’s color scheme started off way bluer (hence the name “Caerul,” from caeruleus/a/um - “blue”/“cerulean”/“azure”/“of the sky/sea” in Latin) and less saturated, but when I gave her a (dead) twin with a red theme, I wanted them to look more alike and made both of their hair purple (although I haven’t actually done more than sketch Roseus before... he’s got purple hair and red eyes).  Purple’s my favorite color, and unnatural hair colors don’t seem to be uncommon in Orth, so why not, right?   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯   The red elements in Caerul’s design are meant to represent her honoring Roseus!

All of the base colors I use when drawing Caerul! They all end up looking a bit darker once they’re shaded though.

▶ As well as shamelessly using one of my favorite Latin words (I’m a Classics major, okay ;;>~>), I also tried to pick a name that sounded similar to the ones that already exist in-universe.  This was actually fairly tricky, since as far as I can tell the names in Made in Abyss have a WIDE variety of influences.  Some of them seem passably Japanese-sounding (Riko, Jiruo, Kiyui, Nanachi) disclaimer I bring dishonor to my ancestors and know 0 Japanese so this is just about vibez, others seem Western-ish (Reg, Nat, Lyza, Prushka).  Some are fairly whimsical (Shiggy, Maruruk, Mitty) while others are more mysterious and fantastic (Any of the White Whistles besides maybe Lyza).  The only common thread I could really settle on was a general fantasy feeling to all of the names.  I tried to capture that nebulous vibe with Caerul’s name, although with something so vague and subjective it’s pretty much impossible to say if I was entirely successful.  I named her siblings afterward with other Latin color words and ended up with a RGB theme lol.

▸ By the way, “Caerul” is pronounced “KAI-rool.”  It rhymes with “Hyrule.”  The ae diphthong makes an “eye” sound in Latin #TheMoreYouKnow

▸ “Caducalae” is a portmanteau of “caducae alae,” literally “falling/doomed/futile wings” in Latin (again), playing off how pointless it is to be able to fly when the Curse of the Abyss is a thing.  Originally, they weren’t supposed to work at all outside of the Abyss, but I decided that was boring for crossovers/other verses so I scrapped it.  I’m not too happy with the name since it doesn’t fit the naming scheme of the canon relics (there is no precedent at all for gratuitous Latin in Made in Abyss, which is a good thing because it’s overused in fantasy, but Latin was the only thing I was good at in high school sooooo... ^^;), but I didn’t like any of my other ideas that much, either.  “Wings of Futility” feels more canon, but it’s also kinda depressing :/

▶ I’ve mentioned before that Caerul’s build is based off of mine for art reference purposes (it’s convenient to just look in the mirror while making the pose I want =w=)b), but another reason she’s so short is that I didn’t have to make the caducalae quite as big since she’s smaller, so she can actually go indoors if she’s careful.

▶ Long hair isn’t super practical with mechanical wings with lots of bits for it to get caught in, but Caerul idolizes Lyza, so I left her hair as long as I could reasonably get away with.

▶ I heavily referenced the canon Made in Abyss character designs for Caerul’s clothing so she would fit into the world, but made some alterations to make everything more personal to her and accommodate for her wings.  In general, I lightened everything up, since she takes a bunch of short, quick trips rather than lengthy expeditions.  Her gloves, for instance, are loosely inspired by the ones we see many delvers wearing in the manga/anime, but are less heavy-duty and are convertible mittens/fingerless gloves for better dexterity with handling letters and such.  

The best close up of the gloves I could find was actually a screenshot of the aftermath Reg & Riko’s orb piercer encounter, but I didn’t want to have to tag this for gore, so you get Lyza ^^; There’s a filter over Caerul here so you can see the glove better which is why she looks kinda washed out :/

▶ Her coat is heavily influenced by Jiruo’s, since he’s the only Moon Whistle we’ve seen in canon.  

yeah, uhhhh, sorry to yoink your style my dude ^^;

▸ Caerul’s has a different color palette, a simpler lapel border, an extra set of outer pockets, and three separate panels in the back that button around her wings so she can put it on! I haven’t drawn it, but her shirt works similarly.  

This is my favorite detail about her design tbh... it’s just really satisfying what a logical solution it is for some reason???  the original doodle is off rotting somewhere in my Modern European History notes, but I tried to recreate it just as sloppily here =w=)b

▶ Caerul’s corset isn’t just a painful fashion choice - it’s actually meant to be a(n admittedly heavily stylized) brace for her back against the weight of her wings.  

▶ Since Caerul can’t wear a backpack with the wings, I had to get creative with storage options for her.  In addition to an undetermined number of pockets on the inside of her coat, I gave her these two pouches on her thighs to carry more stuff.  

I wonder how buff your quads could get carrying a significant amount of weight there...

▸ Messenger bags don’t seem super practical for delving, so I didn’t design a specific one for her to carry all the time, but Caerul does use them on occasion.  Even with that, though, she still has far less carrying capacity than the average delver, which is a problem she has to deal with when carrying out her duties!

▶ The wings/caducalae were by far the most difficult part of designing Caerul, and it took several redesigns over 2+ years before I was finally happy with them.  Their first design was deliberately far simpler in the interest of having to draw them a zillion times, but they ended up clunky and unwieldy looking: 

chonky o~O

▸ The final design is MUCH more of a pain to draw (in fact, a lot of the time I cheat and just copy and paste them from drawings I’ve already done), but I think it looks much sleeker and more “functional”.  

I also got better at making my diagrams look slightly more authentic ;0

▸ I knew I wanted jetpack-style thrusters to be a component of the wings to somewhat justify the shit I wanted Caerul to be able to pull with them (especially to eliminate the need for accounting for the damage landing suddenly could do to her ankles), but incorporating them proved to be one of the biggest problems of the design.  At one point, they were going to have a whole separate attachment point on her back, but I finally just made them an offshoot of the first “joint,” as you can see in the final design.  

A really messy intermediate caducalae sketch.  The weird double pentagon shape was meant to be the part of the relic actually fused to Caerul’s back, but I scrapped that too when I scrapped the separate limbs for the thrusters.

▸ Speaking of the joints, they’re all balls so they can rotate all over and I don’t have to fuss too much about how they move.  Likewise, the frame is metal, but I treat it like it’s kind of flexible, so Caerul can “flex” the wings open and closed.  These wings are hard enough to draw period okay I’m giving myself every excuse to be inconsistent af on purpose.

▸ The caducalae have some “bonus” features that I’ve sketched out, but that Caerul hasn’t unlocked yet, and won’t for a while.  

owo what’s this?

▸ For the wings, I think my biggest inspirations were some of the mechier Cardfight!! Vanguard dragon units (although I don’t remember which cards specifically) and the energy wings on the ninth-generation knightmares in Code Geass R2.

I’ve made a lot of OCs, and since I don’t like to use faceclaims, I’ve done a fair amount of character designing.  I don’t think I’ve ever spent as much time or had as much fun with any of them as I have with Caerul, though!  OCs aren’t always super well accepted in fandom roleplay, but the Made in Abyss community has been super welcoming and I’ve had a blast.  Thanks for listening to me gush about Caerul if you got this far, and thank you to everyone who’s interacted with her!  

The original sketch of Caerul from back in 2017.  How far we’ve come :’D

[rpgmgames]

August’s Featured Game: Marinette

DEVELOPER(S): Teal Crown ENGINE: RPG Maker MV GENRE: Horror, Puzzle, Adventure WARNINGS: Sensitive Themes, Blood/Light Gore SUMMARY: A little girl named Marinette, in the wake of a splitting family and a change of homes, is having a birthday. But this, her eleventh birthday, will present a deadly opportunity to fulfill a special promise. On the night before her birthday, she is drawn into a strange realm; an unnatural dollhouse, populated with dolls who are not quite what they seem. A web of strings lying in wait, and threatening to ensnare the poor marionette; warping her perception, and twisting her every move. Will the strings attach, and force her to become an unwilling puppet, or will she escape this surreal web of strings? What will she have to do to avoid the dangers of the dollhouse, and set herself free?

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *Mitty: "Hello, I'm Mitty! Thank you so much for the opportunity to participate in this interview. I'm the main developer of the game and I'm working with a team of friends to make this game a reality. I work mainly on the visuals and programming, and I'll be representing the team, alongside Third! I've been on the community for around two years, even though I tend to not be active very often." *Third: "Hoi, I’m Third! I appreciate you reaching out to interview us. I’m the main composer and writer of Marinette, and I work under Mitty to make the story and soundtrack what we want it to be. I’ve been in the community for little less than Mitt but am even less active in most of my developer discords."

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *Mitty: "The game is essentially about a girl that gets trapped inside a dollhouse. A simple concept really can go far ahaha I've always loved themes related to creepy dolls so I wanted to create something related to that. What pushed me initially to start were obviously the inspiration of seeing other devs creating, seeing how far you could go with these engines and create amazing interactive stories, however the huge support from a friend was what made me actually start past the planning and dreaming!" *Third: "Marinette is a story about a little girl becoming entangled in the complicated family and supernatural landscape she finds herself in on her birthday. I enjoy writing short stories about this kind of thing so it’s fantastic to work on a larger project about one of my favorite subjects. My primary inspiration and introduction to this kind of game in general was Pocket Mirror, and I use it the most as a model for how to do certain things. However, I also draw a lot of inspiration from masterpieces like Aria’s Story, Ib, Witch’s House, and Alice Mare."

How long have you been working on your project? *Mitty: "The project has been in the works for around two years now! The first year was mostly planning and right now we are on the right track with the programming and asset creation for the demo, as well as music and sound design for later development. Planning isn't over yet though, especially for the final game." *Third: "I’ve been working on this for almost two years. The soundtrack possessed most of my earlier attention, but now it’s taken a backseat to writing, now that I’m actively writing the scripts for the game now. "

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Mitty: "Yes! The game has inspirations from plenty of sources, not only strictly RPG Maker Horror games, or games in general for that matter. If I were to mention those, of course games like Ib, The witch's house, Alice Mare, Pocket Mirror, Yume Nikki & .flow, Stray Cat Crossing, Mogeko's games...etc quickly come to mind. When it comes to the aesthetics and visuals, the inspirations come from several different places, including games like Alice Madness Returns, Dofus, Yomawari, The Legend of Mana, Little Nightmares...the list goes on; or other media, like Inu Curry's animation style or video creator nana825763, as well as some anime and music videos. Silent hill is also a huge inspiration for the atmosphere, and hopefully we can pull it off well!" *Third: "My primary inspiration, as I’ve said earlier, is Pocket Mirror, both for its masterful writing and soundtrack. The game’s soundtrack is the main reason I still play piano. Whenever I’m feeling musical, my fingers always hunt out the same kind of haunting, mysterious, and sometimes peaceful and playful melodies that Pocket Mirror is rife with. In the end, our soundtrack is probably going to sound like Pocket Mirror and Aria’s Story’s soundtracks were meshed together. Story wise, commonplace elements in this genre like demons, monsters, mean parents and puzzles that tell the story are commonplace for a reason, and certainly find their way into this one, in their own special way. Every other game I’ve mentioned involves them in some form or another. And young, curious protagonists are also a blast to write and do evil things to and put in difficult, dangerous situations. "

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Mitty: "We surely have! Many of them in different areas ahaha Taking away bug hunting, I am primarily an artist, so programming for me is a secondary thing. Because of this it's easy to get carried away and hard to realise what can and can't be done. I don't want the game to be visually boring if I can make things move and seem alive! The way I'm handling it is programming like an artist: I think in my head what cool things I can do with my art by not having it completely still, and then it's a matter of executing it on the engine. However this comes with a downside. I tend to tweak things a lot, and that takes quite some time, but I honestly think it's worth it ahaha Also I find it hard to start writing, but when I do, I can't stop orz. Other challenges are also finding plot holes. This is fixed with a lot of studying the story, gathering inspiration and talking with the team. I also struggle a bit with communicating with the team, but thankfully they are all very nice and understanding." *Third: "Main challenge is overcoming the sheer weight of how much I have to learn about music and writing in order for this game to be what I want it to be. I’m a perfectionist, and when I care about something, I can’t tolerate it being worse than it could’ve been. Also, writing is getting more and more complicated and there’s more things and details to keep track of so as not to create inconsistencies or plot holes, especially as we try to revise it and make major changes to the story (Mitt will know what I’m talking about). "

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *Mitty: "It changed a lot, not only in terms of the story and writing, but visually too. The basic concept is close to being the same, though. You can check out old posts in the blog where I consider different styles of mapping and such. Actually, don't, please. It's too old...and my writing...oh god." *Third: "The writing has come a long way, but now that we’ve fleshed out and written down much of the backstory, it’s a much more complicated story than what Mitt first showed me when I joined."

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Mitty: "Initially it was just me, occasionally having Mia to talk about the story and help develop it. Rindre joined as a voice actress very early on and also helped in other aspects of the game. Then I also talked about it with two friends I know in real life, one helped with organization and the other with some concept art, but they aren't that active anymore, even though I still count them as part of the team (Thank you guys btw if you're reading this). Eventually I met Third, an amazing composer and writer, and I asked him to join in! He brought along a friend who is also an amazing composer and writer, Code, and these two are complete madmen of music and writing and I'm super glad to be working with them, as they are super passionate and it makes me really happy ahaha. Bruno is also a really dedicated composer that is helping with a few tracks as well! Miku and Luccinia are two super talented and kind artists that have also been helping a ton with concept art, and their ideas have certainly improved the game as well. We are welcome to more concept artists, though! More heads, more ideas ahaha Recently we got the voice actresses for a few characters in the game, when we did the auditions, and hopefully soon another friend will jump aboard and help with organization and writing! We are a relatively small team, and sometimes progress goes a bit slowly since we can get busy, but we are all doing our best! I’m glad that I’m not alone. Links for their pages and such can be found on the team section on the blog, go support them if you can!"

What is the best part of developing a game? *Mitty: "For me, personally, I love seeing what my team mates come up with, whether it is music or concept art. I also enjoy the love and support we get, and it makes me excited in the development. As for the creation part, I like programming challenging cutscenes and doing cool things with the assets. Progress updates can also be fun to make when I have the time." *Third: "My favorite part is showing Mitt what I’ve written and composed. Making her happy and excited with my work is extremely fulfilling. "

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Mitty: "Oh, yes! Besides being a cool break from programming hell, it helps me make it less of a hell ahaha I like improvising, though, so I think I play RPG Maker games because I enjoy them for the most part." *Third: "Occasionally, not really. I don’t play many games and I’ve played the heck out of the ones I have."

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Mitty: "Ah I don't know, honestly. I think I can relate to every character in one way or another, and it's hard picking one, especially since the game isn't out yet and I'd like to keep most characters hidden until the demo. Marinette is definitely one of my favourites, though, I just love how innocent and cute she is. Her cheekiness can be made super interesting ahaha" *Third: "My favorite character is definitely Pierre. He’s a complete blast to write, and gives me lots of cool things to describe and say through him, from his magic tricks to his killer lines and quotes."

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Mitty: "Hm...Having organized things better in the beginning would have saved a lot of time now, but I don't think it's been that big of a deal anymore. I don't have any regrets that I'm aware of at the moment since everything until this point was necessary to learn and get to where we are now."

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Mitty: "I'm not sure yet, it depends on the reception and how willing I'll be to continue the story. Even though I would find it fun to make comics, another game or a different midia, realistically I can't tell how willing I'll be to continue developing content about it after the game is finished. Honestly, I hope I can develop more projects on Marinette, we do have content for that, and I absolutely love it with my heart! But it's also equally important to move on to another story. Only time will tell!" Third: "I hope to, but that day is very far away for me. I’ll be gone for quite some time after Marinette is finished, and I hope I’m not forgotten by the time I return. Perhaps I’ll entertain myself with additional short stories exploring the various aftermaths of the game."

What do you most look forward to upon/after the release of a project? *Mitty: "I honestly just want to get the story out there. I'm hoping people will enjoy it if they play the game, and will have a special place in their hearts to keep it on. This project means a lot to me, and having it making people feel things is what I'm looking forward to. I'd love to see other people playing it, definitely. I imagine I'll eventually be relieved to have finally completed it, it'll be a big moment for me to sigh be proud of creating. I'll be able to move on to work on other fun things while I see how this little child of a game is going to do out there in the wild, and that's always nice!" *Third: "Fan reaction, 100%. Having people ask me questions about my work and telling me how much they enjoyed it is my favorite part of writing."

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Mitty: "Yes, I don't want to feel empty with nothing to do when I finish the game. I know it will be great and all, but I've been working on it for so long that it's hard to imagine not working on it ahaha! It's a really fun hobby, but it's also engraved in my heart. I want it to be the best it can be, of course, so I'm scared of bugs, inconsistencies and overall it being clearly a bad game. I'm hoping that people will help with critiques on the demo, so I have a better outside perspective of where we are going. I don't want to drop the game, so I'm scared of having to take a long break from it during the development. I'm worried of being a terrible team leader as well." *Third: "I dread plot holes more than anything, and I dread a dull and overall unimpactful story. I want a tale that will punch the viewer in the gut, hard. I want to make them cry. I want to make them laugh. I want them to draw what I wrote, and explore it further in hopefully-not-too-sexual fanfiction."

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Mitty: "Don't be scared to start. You're going to suffer mid-way if it's a long term project, but keep pushing through, you'll learn a lot and it becomes easier with time. Take breaks and take it easy, step by step. LIST STUFF AND MAKE BACKUPS. Learn with short projects first. Ask for advice from people you admire, but never hold them on a pedestal. It’s always helpful to be a jack of all trades! Try to think from an outsider perspective if you're not sure of how it's going, and if you can, tell people you trust about the game and ask for opinions. Always take criticism well, but don't stress too much over harsher or even meaner comments. Have fun and never forget your starts, the people you meet and the reason you're doing the project for. If you're also an artist, writer, musician, remember this is a great opportunity to add something interesting to your portfolio. Cool visuals attract people, but they are not everything that will keep them hooked." *Third: "The best part of making a game is the people you make it with. The story is the most important ingredient of your game. Prioritize it first, and everything else will fall into place around it. Otherwise, everything will serve some other aspect of your game, and that’s rarely a good thing. Always speak your mind; do not every not say something just because it’ll hurt someone’s feelings. Obviously don’t be a tool, but if you ever have to choose between hurting the game and someone’s pride, pick someone’s pride. It’s much kinder in the long run."

Question from last month's featured dev Froach Club: Have you ever had a moment where you got completely stuck or became intensely frustrated while using RPG Maker? *Mitty: "Yes I have, I think everyone has QwQ Despite silly mistakes, I've gotten stuck several times, but honestly it's usually either us doing something stupidly hard that can be done another way, or we are just not skilled enough yet, and it's better to come back later. You can usually do most things you wanna do if you have the advantage of knowing the programming language your RPG Maker Engine uses I think. Google is your friend always, and sleeping about it also helps. I once dreamt of a whole sequence to fix a problem, and it worked! ahaha Always take it easy and don't give up, but know your limits and the limits of the engine!"

We mods would like to thank Teal Crown for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Marinette if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[doriscahill]

Walking memories

It’s winter and my daily routine begins to sort out. My language slowly progresses. My room at my host family begins to feel like a home. My daily 5 mile walks to and from works were transitioned beyond my sore feet. I could finally absorb my surroundings. The details, the bread, the potato sandwiches and ladies with daily vegetable stands.

They were always there. But now, I could see them as if my sight was taken. I  stumbled on linen and material shops to make my way in. It was at these make shift stores, nestled in older buildings on the main street I haggled for huge soft purple blanket and a traditional pattern throw with fringe. Its there the word for pillow case and pillow where taught. Showing pictures from my Cell phone, saying I need this!

Piece by piece over a few weeks my room filled with these and other objects; small mirror and bright lamp, a curtain to hang on my door to the hallway, a knob to screw on my broken draw. A bit of privacy in a house of 8, making my life somewhat normal.

Americans are less social then Georgian culture in certain ways. We generally, are not inspecting each others comings and goings. At every turn, a question “where are you heading, then when are you coming back?” At least 6 of the 8 asking, the baby only cooed, one after another bopping in an out. Checking in with me. This local behavior embraced my walks too. Metro areas in American you’d think only someone would ask for directions and scurry a way. 

Then I discover this coffee gig. Not a gig exactly. Coffee is a round the clock  social event. I know I was sent to three months of boot camp style training on this, but finally, I see what what those lessons were about. 

My first experience where I encounter a super friendly stranger and it became a coffee event,  It was this tiny coffee shop, easy to miss, if not for the sign board on the street walk. Daily,  I see the sign, but where is this coffee? I had been seeing these signs, but only thought to stop and stare when it could be a good coffee.  Ah yes, there it is right under my nose.  A tiny non standard width glass door, maybe 28 inches wide.

Georgia’s door openings are inconsistently size, in fact much of the building code is lax. Wires for electric and internet are shared and tangled in various knots on various poles that  criss-cross. Doorways should be slowly opened as stairwells can be removed but “not” the door! Mornings I would find glass on my 2 X6 deck with glass from fallen windows above after a good thunderstorm, that opening was not a door exactly, it was a window you climbed out of. 

Yes, back to coffee. I walk through the narrow door. A woman who of course speaks Russian or Armenian   breaks out in Armenian first.  I live a hour and half from Armenia’s capital, Yerevan. Armenians are the most industrious of business people, they own many of the shops and there is friction over this. I need know to use my Georgian to get my coffee, the term for want and coffee are simple for me now and its understood, but that does not deter conversation. 

I learn they sell  instant coffee, JACOBs and it is sugar on steroids. Her machine for making it is broken, which on many other visits it was broken, so  she boils a pot of water, retrieves a very tiny cup, fills it with the dusty powder;  Cost 30 cents or 50 cents. I am sitting in a very tiny chair, more like a stool or child’s chair. For that small transaction,  we talk for an hour likely,  because a friend is now joining us in this crammed room. I learned much about her on my many visits. She did not own the shop, which is common she worked for the husband or brother.  They sold cigarettes too.  Tobacco smoking is cheap and fashionable. Women do not smoke openly, but men do on every corner. This money gathering  is the same with beauty shops too, a man will come by and take the money, sometimes twice a day. 

My coffee exploits continued, the yarn shop, the cake shop, the bread shop. Socializing is part of your goals in Peace Corps, lucky me. I had standard answers by now, and a few silly Georgian canned joked. Like men or husbands are crazy, but I only have one! Church too, but that stone floor is tough on the knees, but after church when I found the Catholic church with pews,  I was hauled into a 3 hour coffee at a home with no escape route, a cup of soup boiled for days and cookies. Half hour good, 3 hours with all the neighbors tricky when your stared at and spoken to in a second language. 

Occasionally, then more routinely, I stopped at the one of two western style hotels in town. At first for the guaranteed western restrooms. Later would buy a real cappucino or Turkish coffee (traditional, small cup), best compared to espresso taken with nice cold glass of water. Often eat there, as the food was guaranteed safe.  The business manager had schooled outside Georgia and was literate in English. We had met on my projects early in service.  At first the discussions entailed much of the priorities to develop tourism, not the same as coffee with the ladies shops, he is not a lady. I learned a lot and felt this bond of friendship developing.  

Fun to think back on, its felt as though you’re in school again but your not when your first meeting people.  I found myself learning more Georgian and for me, it was important to discuss topics with emphasis even if my vocabulary was weak. My new friend was a second tutor, but, a crush or sorts. No, a crush it was. 

In learning the word for important, I wanted all to know how it important is was for me to visit places and go all the places. And how I loved nature, we had these values in common as we sipped coffee, now a few times a week. In fact, twice I was offered a ride so I would not have to walk back to my host home.   The crush is developing. 

At  coffee on a day no different day than another, he starts our talk that leads  “I will take you and I will call you tonight!” Oh, “sure” and before you know it “here’s my number”  One evening shortly after the call comes “the car is broke” we were to visit a start gazing spectacular above the castle” Me,  “no problem”, but an hour later as the dusk moved to evening another call came “the car is fixed!” meet “us” at the bottom of the hill. 

Days leading up to this, became a bit of a fantasy. He was clearly younger, best guess 42 at the most, but its enjoyable to listen to those younger, bright with dreams. I meet that night at the bottom of the hill by the gas station. Joined  him in his 4x4  SUV in the front and saw a  chaperone  aka guy friend in the back. He never spoke the entire trip. 

Later, other instances when I lived alone at my apartment, it was explained. Men were not allowed to come up the stairs alone and knock at your door. 

We drive up the dirt road, listening to the story of how this will be the most wonderful tourist spot, but there is no running water, at the top. Well it most certainly would.  And we discussed this water needed, me insisting on good restroom and how there is a natural brook not too far. At the top it you could see the immense Castle (thousands of year old border fortress), lit up with lights that shined gold in the distance. Above the starts shone well in the dark sky as the dust settles late at night. I did not want that minute to end. 

My now very close friend was supportive when my mom fell ill with her first heart attack. We spoke about family and how that is all that really matters.  Family is so important to culture in Georgia. About half way through my service he found a local girl and married and within that year had their first child.  I slowed my coffee visits  and arranged for others to take me all the places. When I stopped the last time in May 2019 and shared my trip to America would be for awhile, they seemed so sad. And I was too. Not even a hug as my good bye was in the open. 

You’re not told or maybe you do not understand  how much you will miss people after Peace Corps. I will make it back one day for coffee.

Thanks for listening! doe

[woodwind-sensei]

Top 10 Figure Skating Programs: 2018-19 season

It’s been about a month and a half since the normal figure skating competition season came to a close, bringing us one step closer towards the next Olympic Games. With the advent of the new IJS, the programs we saw this year was nothing like we have seen before, and some of them rank among the best programs in figure skating history (that’s right, I’m going there, kids). Without further delay, here are my personal Top 10 figure skating programs from this season.

10. Mariah Bell (USA) “To Love You More” short program, choreographed by Adam Rippon

Mariah Bell missed an Olympic berth last season, mostly due to inconsistency and packaging issues. With a majority of the major U.S. ladies out of the picture this season, it was high time for Mariah to step up to the plate. I absolutely loved the upgraded packaging and content. The short program was so positive in spirit, and it was a pleasant surprise to see Adam Rippon’s competitive choreographic debut (to my knowledge) to be a job well done. I hope we see a lot more Celine Dion power ballad programs in the future.

9. Shoma Uno (JPN) “Stairway to Heaven” short program, choreographed by Mihoko Higuchi

Figure skating’s resident smol boi/silver princess Shoma Uno hit it big with this short program. Sexy, daring, and smoldering with intensity, Shoma showed his capability of the dramatic with this program. Though his inconsistency with the jumps made it hard to enjoy sometimes, he just has an x-factor on the ice that draws you in. That spread eagle after the triple axel gets me every time. It’s such a small moment, but it gets me so excited because I’m completely hooked by how statuesque he becomes in such an instant.

8. Peng Cheng/ Jin Yang (CHN) “Ophelia” short program, choreographed by Lori Nichol

Peng and Jin had been the pair that was ever the bridesmaid. When Peng was with veteran pair skater Zhang Hao and Jin with up-and-coming star Yu Xiaoyu, the federation decided to switch these two partnerships up. Yu/Zhang always got the political push, and that somewhat left Peng/Jin in the shadows. That all changed this season, and a lot of it had to do with this short program. They really found a style all their own: simple, uncluttered, yet packed with stunning elements and a cute and charming spirit. We’re going to be seeing them for a while, and I promise you, they will be a force to be reckoned with.

7. Wakaba Higuchi (JPN) “Energia” short program, choreographed by Shae-Lynn Bourne

Wakaba Higuchi might have had a spotty season this year, but this short program showed us why we fell in love with her in the first place. Shae-Lynn effortlessly displayed her power in this program, emphasizing Wakaba’s capability of flow and control while balancing fun and working the crowd. Japanese Nationals was the peak of this program’s life, and I certainly hope Wakaba uses this as an exhibition piece in the future. Shae-Lynn was also responsible for her legendary James Bond free skate, and will choreograph Wakaba’s short program next year to “Bird Set Free” by Sia.

6. Kaori Sakamoto (JPN) “The Piano” free skate, choreographed by Benoit Richaud

So, as all three of my online figure skating fan friends know, I am a Kaori stan. I love and appreciate children of pure sunshine with fantastic skating skills, and Kaori is just that. Though this program isn’t the best program she’s had, what I think works is that the program is built on momentum. It builds continually, reaching a climax with the choreographic sequence moving straight into that stellar triple loop. It also shows how Benoit choreography is supposed to look. Benoit Richaud uses a lot of angular movements but tries to combine it with the natural flow a skater must have over the ice. It works better on Kaori than opposed to his other big ladies’ client Bradie Tennell (USA). Bradie’s movements and angles are so sharp and harsh it seems forced and almost unwatchable, while Kaori’s smoothness over her blades is more pleasing and interesting to digest.

5. Sui Wenjing/ Han Cong (CHN) “Rain, in your Black Eyes” Free Skate, choreographed by Lori Nichol 

Sui and Han made a surprising comeback after withdrawing from the Grand Prix series due to an injury and surgery to Wenjing. This program was iconic. From the very opening poses, it absolutely melted me. I don’t think it’s as good as their Blues for Klook short from a few years ago, but this free skate was overall amazing.

4. Evgenia Medvedeva (RUS) “Orange Colored Sky” short program, choreographed by David Wilson and Sandra Bezic

Evgenia’s move to Brian Orser created so much buzz, and everyone was waiting to see what she would do with choreography not from Ilia Averbukh or Daniil Gleikhengauz. I have to say, they really hit the nail on the head with this one. I thought the rebranding to the ingenue was so great, and the little touches from Sandra really brought the program to life. Those opening poses were my favorite part. It’s unfortunate that this program was eventually shelved, because I definitely liked this program more in comparison to the Tosca program, but I understand how important it is to make sure Evgenia has authority over her own skating career. 

3. Gabriella Papadakis/ Guillaume Cizeron (FRA) Free Dance to Rachel Yamagata songs, choreographed by Marie-France Dubreuil

Papadakis and Cizeron continue to evolve their unique style with this amazing free dance. I was personally very curious to see how they would have topped their timeless Moonlight Sonata FD from the Olympic year, and this program is right up there with the best programs of all time. The way they look at each other throughout just draws me in. Even the softest touch with a finger puts them in total sync. My favorite moment is the twizzle sequence that really comes out of nowhere. It’s so smooth. And then that low, flat curve lift is out of this world. No one can touch this team.

2. Lim Eun-soo (KOR) “Somewhere in Time” short program, choreographed by Jeffrey Buttle

Eun-soo’s rise to the senior ranks was one of the big buzzes of the season. With a recent move to Rafael Artunyan, it looked like she was ready to take her competitive career to the next level. And this short program was BEYOND almost every program that everyone else had. Every element was beautifully woven into the choreography. She just looked stunning on the ice almost every time. The only criticism I have is that the sleeves on her costume were a bit distracting, but that’s such a minute detail on an otherwise ethereal program. 

1. Satoko Miyahara (JPN) “Song for the Little Sparrow” short program, choreographed by Lori Nichol.

This was the clear standout program of the season for me. Out of all the skaters from the previous Olympic cycle, I thought it would be hardest for Satoko to keep up with the pack. But I was proved wrong, with this short program proving that artistry is still what brings the audience into a skater’s performance. Everything is so perfectly placed: every hand had a purpose, every stroke had a meaning, and it all melded together to create a masterpiece. This is what skating should be.

So many of the programs were good this year, but these 10 are the ones I want to watch over and over again. They set the bar for the Olympic cycle so high, and it’ll be interesting to see if these programs will be surpassed. We’ve already had some interesting announcements in terms of next season. I’m particularly intrigued to see Benoit Richaud work with Satoko Miyahara. The premiere of that program at Fantasy on Ice wasn’t stellar, but I’m interested to see how the program will evolve as Benoit and Satoko continue to work together. Figure skating continues to bring it with amazing programs, so next season should be an interesting ride.

[forthegothicheroine]

Kamigami no Asobi recap, episode 5: Yui, Fighter of Gods

I’m resuming my recaps, now that I’m thinking about dating games/anime anyway!  For those of you just joining me now, Kamigami no Asobi (which seems, from my investigation, to translate to “Mischief of the Gods” or “The Gods at Play”) is about Zeus abducting a teenage girl and forcing her to go to high school with a bunch of classical gods (whom he has also abducted with the help of Thoth.)  She’s been doing her best to make friends with all the grouchy deities and have tender moments with as many as possible, even though Balder and Apollo have somehow decided they’re dating her based on only a couple conversations.

As a reminder, the following are features in these recaps:

Ragnarok Clock: How much closer is each episode getting us towards the flash-forward to Ragnarok in the first episode?  Represented by the Watchmen clock with an extra snake hand.

Where is Odin? I feel like Odin should be here, but he’s not.  Thus, I guess each episode what he’s doing instead.

Team __: Which heavenly consort I think Yui should go for in this episode.

Does Thoth push Yui up against a wall? It’s a thing.

Ready now?  Good.

This is a Takeru episode, and I know very little about Japanese mythology, so I’m running off to wikipedia before this recap.  Turns out he’s more widely known as Susanoo-no-Mikoto, god of storms and the summer, which explains his tiny speedo in the beach episode.  He feuded with his sister, goddess of the sun, and was banished to the Earth where he had a series of heroic adventures.  In this show, he looks like green Naruto.

Anyway, green Naruto doesn’t want to join any after school clubs in this farce of a high school combined with an existential prison, but Apollo thinks he needs a good dose of school spirit.  Dionysus correctly points out that clubs are more fun than actual school- come to think of it, why isn’t Dionysus president of the drama club?  That should be his whole deal!  Anyway, moving on.

In the library, Thoth is doing what he loves best- pushing Yui up against a wall and demanding to know why she, a mortal shrine maiden, is not making a bunch of gods bow to her will.  He refers to “the bimbo” (Balder), “the idiot” (Apollo), “the gloomy one” (Hades), “the imbecile” (Tsukito), “the drunk” (Dionysus), and “the dunce and the beanpole” (one of which is Thor and one of which is Loki, but they’re both skinny so I’m not sure who he means by which insult.)  Come on, Thoth, not everyone can be the god of being brilliant.  You don’t have to condescend.

Takeru is practicing EPIC HERO SWORDFIGHTING in the forest with a stick when Yui finds him.  He engages her in some standard tsundere ‘you don’t actually care about me’ banter, but at least she finally tells him to stop calling her Weed.  Yui’s horrible Zeus-given ragdoll abomination tells her to keep trying because the more a guy hates her, the more exciting it will be when they finally get together!

Don’t take advice from ragdolls given to you by Zeus, people.

Bad advice aside, Takeru and Yui actually do bond when he finds out she can use a sword.  (It was one of the first shrine maiden things we saw her do back in the first episode, and she keeps periodically practicing throughout the show.)  Specifically, she’s practicing the art of drawing out her sword, which as I understand it is the key mechanic in the game Bushido Blade.  Plus the old guy in The Seven Samurai killed his sparring partner just by drawing his blade faster, so I believe it.  Again, all this seems much more useful for Ragnarok prepping than high school shenanagins.

Takeru agrees to join a club if Yui beats him in a duel, which is a very anime way to resolve things.  Yui agrees to hold an EPIC BATTLE against a LEGENDARY MYTHOLOGICAL SWORDSMAN to get him to join a SCHOOL CLUB and this is actually kind of awesome.  I can see why people label Yui as one of the best reverse harem genre protagonists; she’s not just a blank slate, she has her personality and her pride.  How many other reverse harem protagonists would duel a god to make him join a club?

He wins the first round because, again, legendary swordsman, but he’s also impressed that she didn’t run or show any signs of fear.  He demands that she train more in order to fight him, and what if this show just turned into Dragon Ball Z as of this episode?  It feels like a real possibility.

He runs her through some Rocky Balboa/Tonya Harding endurance and strength excercises as Hades watches jealously.  Too bad, Hades, you got your shippy episode already.  At least he’s not kidnap-prone in this adaptation.  It’s a cool scene, even if a lot of it is static shots, and if I had video editing softward I’d want to do an old school AMV of this scene set to I’ll Make a Man Out of You.

They even go running in the rain, leading to her slipping and pitching off a freaking cliff.  Takeru dives to save her Spiderman style, and it works out a lot better for Yui than it did for Gwen Stacy.

And then he has a flashback of his sister and explodes.  What?

Suddenly, Takeru is super buff and dressed like Conan!  It’s an improvement, even if his hair still makes him look like green Naruto.  He’s earned back the divine powers that Zeus and Thoth stole from him, now that he has learned to empathize with humans.  (Did I already mention that’s a weird moral for Zeus of all people to be teaching?  Because it is weird.)  Zeus is nothing if not inconsistent, however, and punishes Takeru for doing exactly what he was supposed to do.  He gets put in a floating energy ball and there’s a pun about him being “suspended.”

Zeus threatens to expel Takeru from the school-prison, which is...exactly what Takeru wanted at the beginning of the episode, so it’s not much of a punishment.  Loki is the only one who picks up on this, asking if he can also get out of this by flunking everything.  But no!  Those who are expelled get turned into eternal statues!  This is bizarre, but at least it leads to a great imaginary moment for Loki

And woah, are we calling the guy Zeus-san now?  What happened to Zeus-sama?  I’d be polite and deferential as all freaking get out around Zeus if I were Yui.

Yui and Takeru get an angsty scene where they both try to shoulder the blame for what happened.  Tsukito pops in to explain Takeru’s PTSD from having once seen a goddess fall off a cliff and then got unjustly blamed for it.  I don’t know this myth, but we are starting to set up the idea of explaining away the gods’ most heinous actions, which I’ll be able to talk about with (slightly) more authority when we get to The Great Cassandra Retcon.  But that isn’t for another couple episodes.

“Everyone always judges us based on the outside appearance”, laments the guy who looks like green Naruto.

Apparently Zeus didn’t actually know that the gods could break their shackles if they felt sufficient emotion, which seems like a pretty big thing to have overlooked.  Turns out Takeru having that flashback and exploding caused an earthquake and destroyed part of this pocket dimension, which I’ll grant is a big problem, but still not justification for punishing the guy for doing what he was supposed to be doing.  And did I mishear, or did Zeus just refer to himself as -sama?

Takeru tries to swallow his pride and apologize, but Yui (correctly) interrupts and says he has nothing to apologize for.  Right to Zeus and Thoth’s faces!  Wow!  Yui should be starring in the next God of War game!  She makes the same point I’ve been making, that learning to care about humans and feel their emotions is exactly what they’re all supposed to be doing.  The other teen gods rally around her as she yells at Zeus that he’s the one who needs to learn about humanity and control his emotions, and I think Yui is about to actually overthrow Olympus (Hades makes it clear she’d have his backup) when Zeus finally backs down.

For a Japanese show involving Greek and Norse gods, that was a very Abrahamic episode.

Ragnarok Clock:

Same as last time, as the Norse gods were pretty quiet this episode.

Where is Odin? Odin is on an artisinal mead-tasting tour of craft breweries during this episode.

Team __: Team Takeru, surprisingly.  That sword training montage was hot.

Does Thoth push Yui up against a wall? Yes, against a bookcase!

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

ASM vol 5 #9/810 Thoughts

I wrote this before the arc had finished so please bare that in mind if you read on because I recognize some of it might seem weird or redundant in the wake of the conclusion tot he arc.

Kinda sorta mixed feelings for this issue.

 Okay so here are the aspects I DIDN’T like.

 The recap page implies that the general public is starting to forget Peter ran Parker industries and that the heroes all think Spider-Man is in the pocket of the Kingpin.

 Now recap pages aren’t actually part of a story so they don’t exactly count per se.

 But if that is the intention of the author then the series has done a poor job of conveying the former. It’s just ignored the elephant in the room that was Parker Industry.

 And whilst Spencer was saddled with that mess a mess it was nevertheless and he’s cleaned up a lot of other things. Whilst I didn’t consider it a mess necessitating any cleaning up nevertheless when Steven Moffat took over Doctor Who in 2010 (technically 2009 but that’s not important) very early on he established that the massive global Dalek invasion everyone on Earth knew about had been erased from everyone’s memories (mostly) meaning that now alien invasions could happen and new characters would react as though they were sceptical of the existence of wider alien life.

 Again, this wasn’t necessary but the point being was that Moffat put the work in to fix something he perceived as a big problem that resulted from the prior regime. Spencer has been doing some of the same here but not addressed that biggest of elephants in the room that from it’s mere announcement the fanbase was collectively calling out as something that would fuck over the series going forward. Because absolutely not would the general public just forget who Peter Parker was in regards to PI, let alone the company itself.

 As for the Kingpin thing, I never thought about it until just this issue but I kind of have issues with it now. Because even if the other heroes do not know Peter’s identity surely they DO know Spider-Man and/or Kingpin well enough by this point that they’d not presume Kingpin and Spider-Man to be buddies.

 I mean there ARE ways to explain their feelings, like if they presume Spider-Man to be an imposter or something but him being on the outs with the other heroes merely because Fisk put on an appearance of them being friends in spite of their years of animosity shouldn’t make the heroes automatically resentful towards Spider-Man.

 Again, it can work but Spencer needs to better elaborate upon it.

 Moving in I did have a few issues with Felicia here. At first Spencer seemed to have her acting vindictive akin to stupidity of Slott’s run after SpOck sent her to jail. But then he explained why she was actually miffed at him and it made more sense.

 Well sorta.

 On the one hand Felicia has always been in love with Spider-Man and so if in character Felicia should jump at the chance to sleep with him if he propositions her. On the other hand though she does say Spider-Man was being creepy which and we get a mere snippet of what he was doing, so presumably he might’ve gone further than that.

 The other thing I didn’t like was Peter’s attitude to Felicia. Hey I’m all for ignoring stupid continuity if you are trying to fix things, but here...that isn’t happening. Peter is treating Felicia as an old friend but she hasn’t been that since 2009 and he’s still lying to her. Maybe that will be fixed next issue and their old relationship established but right now it is problematic.

 Oh and also the issue seemed to treat their old relationship as being messed up due to Felicia’s criminal tendencies when that wasn’t it. They hooked up in a monogamous relationship 3 times and whilst that was why they broke up the first time that wasn’t what happened on the second or third occasions.

  Finally I wish Spencer wasn’t maintaining Felicia’s tendency to be evil. Being a Robin Hood style character okay sure. But here she is basically what she was like in 2009 (except not made into a vessel for Joe Kelly’s midlife crisis sexual fantasies) but if she’s still like that her character is still in need of repair.

 Now this isn’t to say I hated every moment they interacted. Far from it. it was more on point than it’s been in a long time and much improved over BND and Slott’s run. So within the context of post-OMD Spider-Man it was good but within a wider context there are still problems. It is at least written better than before, I especially loved the acknowledgment of them making for a good team.

 Finally I disliked the art. Common criticism by this point but it stands.

 That’s everything I disliked but on the more positive side of things I felt that the general plot of the Thieves Guild is still a fun idea.

 The Thieves Guild are an X-Men/Gambit concept but Spencer has put enough distance between them that this NYC chapter of them can be played enough as a ‘Spider-Man thing’. And the notion of them swiping all the paraphernalia of superheroes through the power of super thievery is a fun superhero plot.

 I also don’t mind Felicia being a member of their ranks. I mean I feel like if she always had that tattoo Peter would’ve noticed by now, but there are numerous ways to explain that. If nothing else I love the scene between Felicia and her Dad, because it humanizes her, touches on her origin and allows her to be more her own character. I feel there is so much potential to be exploited from exploring Felicia’s relationship.

 Now in spite of all those complaints I actually loved this issue because of the Mary Jane subplot. There are some feelings I’m wrestling with in regards to it though but on balance I think this was ingenious on Spencer’s part.

 Okay first thing’s first. The artwork by Michele Bandini looked really nice. If you are going to have two artists work on the same story dividing them up based upon the subplot and the main plot is actually a pretty clever idea. I didn’t know there was going to be two artists actually and so when I checked out the preview pages before the issue’s release I was confused as to why Ramos’ style looked so much better from one page into the next. I wish Bandini had done the whole story to be honest.

 But onto the subplot itself.

 To begin with it’s just lovely seeing Spencer actually give MJ a subplot of her own and focus upon her. And it’s good focus too. So far he’s not really mishandled her in this story at all so Spencer seems to be a decent MJ writer. I hope this trend continues and the relative lack of Mj/his use of MJ within his first two arcs was more about building up Peter and also paying tribute to Superior Foes which landed him this job in the first place.

 I didn’t see the Carlie twist coming. Honest of all characters that reveal could have been she was the farthest from my mind. For some reason my mind was fixated upon Bobby CCarr or Jonathan Caesar somehow.

 Now Carlie is...controversial of course.

 Carlie was one of the many lame Brand New Day era characters with her status made worse than many of the other ones because

 a)      She was at times a Mary Sue

b)      She was pushed hard as the new love interest. I mean really, really, really pushed hard

c)       She had an inconsistent character design

d)   ��  She was at times bland and at other times just...not nice. See her considering getting a Green Goblin tattoo to piss Peter off. Yes she was drunk but I don’t care how drunk or angry you are that’s like considering getting a Nazi tattoo to piss off your Jewish boyfriend. You are just nasty at that point

e)      She was an idiot during Superior despite being the most sceptical person of Otto

 Carlie to say the least was HATED by the fandom.

 Now look let’s not sit here and pretend the fandom hate went beyond what was warranted by the character. She was treated as an 11 on the ‘this character sucks’ scale.

 But that doesn’t mean she didn’t score a very solid 7 or 8 if you catch my drift.

 Here though she is arguably written better than ever before, not in the least because most of those problems listed above are being avoided or addressed.

 Rather than being an overcritical and judgemental asshole like in her last appearance who either attributes blame to Peter for the horrible things happening to her or else makes it clear the nature of who he is means he’s doomed to misery because no one could put up with that, here she acknowledges none of it is his fault and he deserves happiness.

 Spencer does drop his continuity ball though by listing off the wrong reason for why Peter and Calrie broke up. According to him Carlie couldn’t handle dating Spider-Man but in reality it was the fact that he was lying to her that was the problem.

 Whatever though, nobody cares why Peter and Carlie broke up, so long as they did.

 Similarly, if Spencer wants to try and rehabilitate the character who neglected to inform her ‘friend’ and roommate that she might be dating a villain without realizing it, okay let’s give him and this character a second chance. If Carlie wants to say she always liked MJ in spite of her douche actions lets draw a line under it and try again.

 Now we move onto the meat of the subplot. The support group for superhero supporting cast members.

 This idea gives me some mixed feelings and it somewhat depends upon how it  is handled going forward.

 On the negative side, I do not want this to turn into a subtextually critical evaluation of how MJ handled life with a hero in a past or how older runs did. Also the story is somewhat ignoring how MJ DID have people she could talk to about this in the past, like Felicia and Aunt May. But currently neither character knows his secret, might not be finding out anytime soon so okay I guess I understand why Spencer is treating it this way.

 I think Spencer’s putting in little lines of dialogue and presents a resistance within MJ to joining the group which makes it clear to us that, whilst Carlie felt alone and unsafe keeping Peter’s secret, MJ doesn’t feel quite like that even though it might be a struggle all the same.

 Which is in character, remember she kept his secret for years beginning with AF #15. Similarly MJ has had issues opening up to people in the past and has seen first hand the cost of exposing Peter’s secret.

 Now in spite of all I’ve said, I cannot tell you how much I ADORE the idea of a support group for super hero friends and family.

 If Spencer plays this right it could wind up as one of the mainstays of the Marvel Universe’s architecture, like Night Nurse or what have you.

 It just makes sense as a piece of world building for the Marvel Universe and is an emotionally engaging idea that ANY comic book series can pick up.

 Moreover it highlights the innate quiet awesomeness that is Jarvis. Jarvis is like Alfred but to the whole Avengers and one of the most bad ass bad ass normals in the whole Marvel Universe so highlighting him as this proactive, helping and caring individual is appreciated.

 This idea is a great addition to Peter and MJ’s relationship too as it gives Mj something to do aside from wait by a window and counters one of the most frequent weapons in the anti-MJ/marriage brigade’s arsenal.

 “MJ can’t be with Peter because it’s worse than being with a cop because they get to talk to other cop’s families. It’s just so toxic for her!!!!11!!!”

 See Fred Van Lente’s piece of shit MJ story in ASM #605 for proof of this.

 But right here Spencer finds a solution to that complaint (which I’m sure the anti-MJ brigade just love  him for) and one that makes justifying breaking them up again a lot harder.

 Also guessing who all the people in the meeting was turned out to be really fun.

 Over all I loved this issue because in spite of my problems with the Felicia end of things the MJ end was brilliant.

p.s. Isn’t it a little weird for Spider-Man to not remember what ‘Spider-Man’ did when they were separate people?

I guess you could argue that his memories from ‘Peter’ might be hazy too. Or that this weird science comes with ‘rules’ like that, e.g. one side has to dominate the other.