#SO. TIRED. OF SPAM. they’re seriously everywhere

[katcirce]

Me, getting a message: Yay! I wonder what it could be!

This motherfucker:

[secret-engima]

Today in “SE works through the Chuunin Exam Arc and gets increasingly incredulous over how a show so beloved can have so many GAPING PLOT HOLES and also wow you can actually tell when the animators were getting paid to be enthusiastic or not can’t you”:

1. Sarutobi why did it take you so long to realize that the stadium and village were under attack.

2. Sarutobi why did you let Orochimoron take you hostage for even a hot second KAWARIMI IS A LITERAL ACADEMY BASIC TECHNIQUE JUST SWAP OUT WITH A NEARBY TILE YOU IDIOT I’VE SEEN IT DONE BEFORE FROM THAT CLOSE RANGE. KAKASHI DID IT. SO CAN YOU.

3. Sarutobi I don’t want to say you DESERVE to be trapped in a giant purple death box with your failed student and two dead guys trying to kill you but honestly you deserve to be trapped in a giant purple death box with your failed student and two dead guys trying to kill you.

4. Anbu. My guys. My dudes. I KNOW that the barrier is deadly and made of horrible purple fire and you can’t jump in but like- the barrier holders are right there. Wasting chakra to make an extra barrier around themselves. The barrier protecting them can’t be that thick. You have these lovely things call FLAME RESISTANT STEEL SWORDS you could be using to try to crack open the barrier. Or if you were REALLY smart you could, I don’t know, TUNNEL UP THROUGH THE CEILING??? The barrier is just a box that’s been turned upside down, there is no sign of a barrier floor underneath the tiles and even if there is you guys could have checked. You don’t need to just- sit there. Watching an old man, two dead guys, and a snake wearing makeup beat each other up.

5. Who let Kakashi make the plan. Why did Kakashi decide that it would be better to send the civilian girl he hasn’t bothered to train, the loud blond who he also hasn’t bothered to train, and the boy who tried to fake sleep to get out of helping go alone with just a tiny pug as escort. There were other genin RIGHT THERE who could both help AND be conveniently out of the line of fire in Kakashi’s fight. He was sending them after Sasuke, who was chasing three genin we’ve already seen wipe the FLOOR with the average genin. Having more numbers would be HIGHLY ADVANTAGEOUS.

6. And don’t tell me “he did it because Stealth” he sent the girl with bubblegum hair and the boy in neon orange out there, stealth is a non-factor and also it’s AN INVASION, nobody is going to care about a bunch of wacky kids running by they’re too busy trying not to die to the blur of green spandex that is Gai.

7. Where is Lee in all this anyway he just kinda vanished from the screen. Or was he passed out on the floor and I just missed him. I know he can’t fight, I just wanna know if he’s okay.

8. Was it bad that I didn’t know Asuma could actually fight? I knew he was one of the Guardian Twelve or whatever but mostly fans only talk about him getting owned by Itachi or murdered by Hidan so I guess I just assumed he was ... kinda a sucky fighter. I have been proven wrong. Nice job saving your deer boy, Asuma, I’m impressed.

9. There’s an actual budget for the Hokage fight? Nice. Also who gave Sarutobi the right to actually be cool NOW when he’s been acting senile for the past 10+ episodes excuse you.

10. EXCUSE YOU SARUTOBI YOU DON’T GET TO MAKE EPIC FEELS-INDUCING SPEECHES ABOUT THE WILL OF FIRE AND THE VILLAGE AS YOUR FAMILY, NOT WHEN YOU HAVE FAILED ON BOTH THOSE ASPECTS SO HARD.

11. How dare you make me regret your impending death even a little bit Sarutobi. How dare.

12. There’s a monkey king? That’s an actual THING? I mean I knew there was a monkey king but I didn’t expect him to be so amazing. Now if he would just stop waiting for Sarutobi to grow a spine (because we all know he won’t) and actually kick Orochimaru while the snake was distracted taunting his old sensei maybe we’d actually get somewhere with this show.

13. Seriously Monkey King you turn into a adamantine pole or whatever that can change shape and size, just play dead on the ground for a minute then expand and extend to the size and length of a tree. You don’t even have to do any damage yourself you just have to shove him/wack him into his own barrier and let him go up in flames. It probably won’t kill him, since Plot and also Orochimoron, but hey at least it will do damage and distract him for a few seconds.

14. Turning to Naruto real quick because clearly Sarutobi’s Senile Damsel Syndrome is contagious- Naruto. You are an Uzumaki. You have so much chakra you can barely do chakra control exercises. I know you’re tired from the Neji fight, but I ALSO know via fandom that you’re going to summon a freaking Boss Summon in a few episodes. When Shikamaru says “someone needs to stay behind and be a diversion” why didn’t you, I don’t know, SPAM A FEW SHADOW CLONES? You didn’t even have to use only shadow clones for the diversion, you could have just dropped off a few to help out Shika in his rare moment of self-sacrifice. Half a dozen screaming orange genin would go such a long way in providing a distraction so Shika could make a plan (may I suggest, catch the sound ninja in shadow possession and then have the Naruto’s slit their throats before their ninth member has a chance to catch up?). But no. We can’t possibly spam clones the one time a comrade could find them terribly useful, let’s go back to running through the trees worrying about the boy who knows an A-Rank assassination jutsu and would be totally fine surviving on his own for another several episodes of dialogue and reaction shots ten minutes.

15. Where the ACTUAL freak is Jiraiya. He came to Konoha specifically because he heard Orochimaru was planning something. There is an INVASION HAPPENING. GIANT SNAKES. BUSTING DOWN THE WALL. ENEMY NINJA EVERYWHERE. YOUR SENSEI IS TRAPPED IN A BARRIER JUTSU WITH THE GUY YOU SPECIFICALLY CAME HERE TO LOOK FOR. You don’t suppose you could leave your drinks and women and pity party long enough to- I don’t know- HELP? I mean I know it would be hard for someone who has such niche skills like SUMMONING GIANT TOADS and USING FUUNJUTSU THAT COULD PROBABLY BREAK THE BARRIER YOUR SENSEI IS TRAPPED IN but come on man, put forth a little effort.

Maybe you show up in a later episode miraculously doing something important to help stop the invasion, who knows.

Pros of this arc tho:

1. When they decide to actually use their animation budget THEY REALLY GO FOR IT. The fights that have a budget are epic.

2. Sakura got to be useful! For 20 seconds! She fended off a genjutsu and woke up Naruto and told him what was going on! That counts as useful! *devolves into sobbing because why are the girl characters not allowed to be both good guys AND competent onscreen*

3. I genuinely cheered when Asuma swooped in to save Shika. That was cool.

4. Some of the exam fight bits were cool. Naruto vs Neji dragged on a bit but the ending tactic was as rewarding as I’d hoped it would be from reading about it in the fandom. Also I really enjoyed the Shikamaru vs Temari fight. A-tier victory from the resident Deer Boi.

5. Sasuke using Chidori first time on screen was cool, and even though I’d read about it ahead of time, Gaara wigging out over seeing his own blood genuinely startled me.

6. I was glad to see that Sasuke still remembers how to use other jutsu than Chidori. When Temari started fighting him I was afraid the show writers would forget he HAD any jutsu other than Chidori tbh. Like Naruto and his many versions of the same jutsu (see: all the clone spam variations, all the harem jutsu variations, and all the many MANY different rasengan variations).

[fizzingwizard]

Yay it’s my favorite time of the week! Digimon Adventure:! Can’t believe we’re already at episode 16! This week somewhat recapped the mission we’ve been on for... 14 episdoes now x’D and I realized I forgot all kinds of shit. It’s so funny, when I was ten and watching Digimon Adventure I could remember everything, but now that I’m sadly an adult I can’t keep track of these high paced children’s shows!

(Supposedly they spoon feed kids stories so they can understand it more easily... but I gotta say I think I’m the one that needs the help, bahahaha)

ALSO... apparently there was an earthquake this morning! It was too north of me so I didn’t feel it (I was... also sleeping >-> so...) But it was right when the show started airing so the info came scrolling across the screen. At first it said

“Just in case, be careful of tsunami”

and like just three min or so later

“There is no need to worry about a tsunami due to this earthquake”

Phew! Also, Digimon causes earthquakes! Hide yo wife hide yo kids! Is that meme still current?? Does it matter???? I’m a millennial, boomers hate me, gen Z hates me, at least let me have my memes! XD

OK enough goofing off, on to what really matters, freaking Digimon man! This episode gave me tons of Taichi spam. Mmm my favorite kind of spam! But it also gave me avocado cheeseburger spam too!

So although I completely forgot about it, I was pretty excited for this ep when they allegedly return to the real world! Last week’s preview made it pretty obvious it was going to be either a fake reality or the evil Digimon had taken over the real world much more deeply than we realized. Fake reality made the most sense. But they tried to trip us up anyway! The opening shots are clear references to the famous episode 21 of 99 Adventure, although given that was the best animated episode of the entire show, this one just doesn’t do it justice.

He’s not sweating, the sun isn’t as intense... it just makes Fizz nostalgic

Finding them suddenly home, the kids are all pretty bewildered at first. Predictably, Mimi is the first to recover. What motivates her?

AVOCADO CHEESEBURGER! AVOCADO CHEESEBURGER!

From Burger Jack’s bahahahaha

Mimi starts excitedly listing all the things she wants to do now that they’re home. Aside from eat delicious burgers, she wants to take a shower, change clothes...

I’m like “Oh, so these kids HAVE been feeling the effects of how much traveling they’ve been doing!”

Seriously though why didn’t anyone comment on it before now?? In 99 Adventure most of the kids couldn’t shut up about the lack of basic necessities and creature comforts. It was really easy to feel how much they were struggling! Everyone in this series is so darn serious all the time. Sora even brought that big bag of emergency supplies but we only rarely see it get used.

Taichi and Koushirou are a little more wary, though they come across as mainly confused.

Mimi wants to go eat burgers right off, but Taichi convinces her they should go home first. “Oh yeah, I have parents” - Mimi, probably.

They get on a train. The Digimon are very cute. They finally notice that no one’s paying attention to them. It took 0.3 seconds for Tokyoites in ep 21 of 99 Adventure to start freaking out over Koromon, so this was a big clue if you somehow missed that there’s something not right.

On the other hand, for a world that is presumably an illusion created by some Digimon, it sure is, er...

... accurate in surprising ways, bahahaha

(no seriously did we NEED bikini girls?? did we NEED them? I know it’s everywhere on every train for all kinds of proucts but did we NEED them here)

(the TEEN 17 in particular is killing me)

Some gratuitous Taichi spam

Mimi lives in the affluent Shibuya area now so the kids split up to continue on home. I love Taichi called her ‘ojousama.’

Taichi wonders if Yamato and the others got home okay too. Koushirou wonders if whatever was causing the blackout has really been defeated. (Mimi’s theory is “Sora-san and the others must have done something about it!” Which I just liked because by naming her she identifies Sora as the one she feels closest to awww)

They won’t say it, but the truth is these two are kinda disappointed... lol

However they won’t be disappointed for long... because this midnight train really isn’t going anywhere. *wink* see what i did there

Mimi’s walk home has also turned into a labyrinth. Which is totally normal for Toyko subways really. Mimi gets so tired from walking that she starts hallucinating that Palmon’s head is in fact an avocado.

Girl you got a problem but no judging. I got the same problem.

AVOCADO BURGER!! Think of it in your heart and it will appear!

Now that’s not creepy at all.

Several episodes ago we learned that Mimi has never seen The Mummy. Apparently she’s never seen any horror movies at all, because she still approaches the counter to order her freaking burger even after seeing the cashier’s shadowy clearly evil visage.

YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR LITTLE GIRL

On finally realizing that this train can’t go anywhere but Shibuya, Taichi and Koushirou get off and reunite with Mimi, who has learned nothing and continues talking to people. The only possible result of this is...

... creepy eyes appearing and trying to EAT her

Mimi: “Taichi-san!!”

she could ask her partner for protection but Taichi’s around and he’s everyone’s big brother so

The cause of all this mischief turns out to be this creepy dude! He’s kind of cute!

Also rather larger and more solid than I anticipated!

Of course this nightmare won’t end so easily.

You know you’re in for it when the walls are covered in glowing red eyes. That uh, shoot laser beams at you.

Cyclops: Not lasers! Concussive optic rays!

It turns out there wasn’t just one creepy dude, there were many. I’ve found my Halloween costume!

Our heroes finally figure out that this world is not their real world when they come across these tetris people.

For someone who’s never watched a single scary movie, Mimi does an impressive white-girl-in-a-horror-flick face.

I know she’s not white I’m saying she’s good at impressions she should become a comedienne

Now that we know the blackout in Japan is still ongoing and causing all sorts of issues, we get our usual peek into what’s going on for the people of Tokyo. We get to see Hikari! She’s cool as a cucumber. Her mom’s freaking out and packing a suitcase. Her mom says “Hikari go get ready!” Hikari just says “Oh I’m ready anytime!”

Hikari: I’m not worried about anything, big brother’s taking care of it!

Awww we get to see Miko! And that looks like a cat carrier <3 Mom’s not leaving their furry friend behind in the dark while they evacuate to grandpa’s place in Ibaraki...

... She is apparently cool with leaving behind her only son though! X’D

The letter reads “Taichi, we’re going to Grandpa’s place in Ibaraki. Call me when you get home.” The arrow says “Address.”

Ibaraki is a bit over an hour from Tokyo (I used to live there!) so not too far and very easy to get to by train. Still... there’s a huge power outage, I can only assume Mom’s reason here really is evacuation and not just “seems like a great time to go on a visit!” but she doesn’t know where one of her kids is and she’s just like “eh no worries he’ll figure out his way home!” Does she KNOW her son is 11? Japanese kids use trains very independently but again, POWER OUTAGE. ONE HOUR+ AWAY.

I’m remembering episode 1 when Taichi was acting like such a Dad and his mom was totally on board. Apparently that is going to be a Thing in their family. Taichi is the kid in Home Alone. Scratch that, he’s like the pets in Homeward Bound X’D

Mimi is understandably disappointed that she doesn’t get to shower... I mean see her parents... I mean, eat a freaking avocado cheeseburger

But Palmon knows how to make her feel better. “We’ll come back here someday and eat avocado cheeseburgers together.”

Mimi: “Heck YEAH I’m psyched!! AVOCADO CHEESEBURGER!”

this show understands the only true way to a woman’s heart is through food.

Our heroes are surrounded by Homunculus from FMA.

They merge together forming the aptly named EYESMON!!! lmao

Look at freaking long Greymon’s cyborg arm is. Whut.

AtlurKabuterimon gets hit by a train buhaahaha. Somehow this was way funnier to me than Lilymon getting hit by a plane or buildings falling on MetalGreymon.

The kids are outnumbered when look who appears!

The three of them sitting on Zudomon is the cutest thing ever also I JUST NOTICED ZUDOMON’S DOLPHIN PATCH WHAT THE HECK HAS THAT ALWAYS BEEN THERE!??!?!?!!?

So this was the reunion ep after all! I’m a little disappointed just because I wanted something more dramatic.

What Fizz, illusion magic and homunculi plus exploding Shibuya isn’t dramatic enough for you?

I mean EMOTIONALLY dramatic. Like, someone should hug.

Oh well. This is the face Taichi makes when he sees Yamato. D’aww. I guess i’ll be satisfied with this.

Yamato gets them started on a plan and they all fight as a group!! But Koushirou’s realized that this Digimon, whatever it is, is what’s causing the blackout. They can’t properly defeat it...

... and it’s already the night of the third day. Soon their 72 hour window will be up. Then Ariel will turn back into a Mermaid and the Sea Witch wins :’<

We end with an ominous digivolution! Next week....

Orochimon!!! I love multi headed monsters.

More Taiyama action!!! Lookin a bit beat up but still cool!

OK so in sum this episode was pretty fun. I still feel like the writers for this season just don’t dig in deep enough to really make things come alive. They’re so concerned with battles that they miss moments for fun character interactions etc. And in the end, the whole of this episode can be recapped simply as “They discover the world they’re in is an illusion and they fight the bad guy.” However, we got a lot of fun with Mimi in particular, and though we didn’t get the kind of Taishiro teamwork my heart yearns for, at least we saw them sticking together and hashing things out.

I really do hope this show dials up the character relationships a bit soon though. We keep getting tidbits so it’s not like they don’t have things planned. It’s just a matter of execution. Anyway I’m happy to have the whole group (well as many as we’ve got so far) together again!

[1b-headcanons]

If every class 1-b kid had to partner up with a 1-a kid (reasons: whatever you decide), who do you think would be paired together?

Awase/Shouji Kaibara/OjiroKamakiri/MinetaKuroiro/HagakureKendo/MomoYui/UrarakaKinoko/TsuyuIbara/KaminariShishida/IidaShoda/SatoPony/SeroTsuburaba/JiroTetsutetsu/KirishimaSetsuna/MidoriyaFukidashi/TokoyamiHonenuki/TodorokiBondo/MinaMonoma/BakugoReiko/KoudaRin/Aoyama

-Mod Iron

I like this concept ! Awase + Hagakure: Invisible girl keeps the enemies’ attention on trying to pinpoint her location so Awase can weld them as he wishes. Pretty cool combo isn’t it ?

Sen + Ojiro: close range, nice martial arts. If they can get close to their enemies, hand-to-hand is their speciality ! Pretty boys together form a nice duo.

Kamakiri + Mina: they’re both close range and kinda acrobatic. Basically murder on the dance floor. Slash and splash. They also are both competitive and energetic, from what we’ve seen !

Kuroiro + Aoyama: strange choice, I agree, but interestingpair ! How would they balance light and darkness to use their quirks fully ? ((Aoyama would make awesome distraction with his laser for Kuroiro to sneak up and end the enemies just saying))

Kendou + Shouji: smart girl with great martial knowledge and great strong octopus. Shouji can help to look around and pinpoint locations, and Kendou gets plans and strategies. Nice duo.

Yui + Tsuyu: big Yui can help the frog. Small Yui can be carried by the frog. Two strong women, good camouflage too, interesting way of getting them both to think of how their quirks can go together.

Kinoko + Kaminari: if she spams her mushrooms everywhere and he indiscriminate charges everyone who can defeat them ? No-one. Humidity + electricity ? Don’t need much voltage to electrocute someone with that combo…

Shiozaki + Todoroki: both crazy strong, and must take in account that Shiozaki can protect herself if Todoroki unleashes. Your time has come. Let them judge you, and send you to burning hell or frozen heaven with a nice vine cocoon. Shoda + Tokoyami: well… don’t know Shoda’s quirk. But it seems he is more of a close range fighter, whereas Tokoyami relies more on Dark Shadow. ((Poor Shoda terrified from the birb))

Pony + Iida: sonic + my little pony. Long range is taken by her horns, close range is taken by him. If the enemies are too far away, let Iida kick them to Pony. Let her stab. Let him go fast.

Tsuburaba + Ochaco: Is there even a rational explanation ? Two cuties, round faces, Urararararaka could make solid air float to places Tsuburaba wouldn’t atteign. Take floating people by surprise with solid air ! Nobody saw them coming…

Tetsutetsu + Kirishima: run in and see how it goes. Great hard-heads. Honestly would love to see them fight together…

Setsuna + Shoji: annoying small parts of body… Small animals and insects… Push the enemies’ to their physical and mental limits. Tire them out. That could work well !

Manga + Satou: big big fire capacity and strong arms to finish people off. Manga isn’t great at hand-to-hand, so Satou is here to balance that.

Reiko + Midoriya: ok, Reiko’s quirk is kinda unknown. But… I just think they’re nice.

Honenuki + Mineta: if you’re stuck somewhere, you can’t escape from the softening. What’s more, if Honenuki goes full on, as Mineta is small he can be carried around can he not ? Get trapped. Immobilized.

Rin + Jirou: she can pinpoint people’s locations, if she is capable of giving directions precise enough Rin can snipe them. She’s more of a long range, can save him from tricky situations with her quirk, and he’s an ok close range too, with his scale protection.

Monoma + Momo: seriously, Yaomomo’s quirk is so complex and cool that I guess manipulating it must be tricky. How could Monoma pull it out ? ((Since he is pretty smart, it should be fine but… could get hungry very quickly and lose stamina easily.))

Bondo + Sero: sticky quirks together, but with different capacities. I think they’d form a great capture team !

-Mod Copycat

[dweebpheles]

With tumblr being one of the only social media platforms I bother with, seeing all of my favorite artists (that tag their posts, nsfw or not, that have a +18 disclaimer in their bio, that make their living doing commissions and advertising their art from this very site) really upsets me. I dont have a snapchat, twitter, instagram, anything else. Just tumblr. And Seeing some of my favorite fandom bloggers delete their blogs, even seeing some of my mutuals delete their blogs--not because they post nsfw content, but because most of their sfw posts are getting flagged and they are just done with the bullshit? Yea, it sucks balls.

I'm not leaving tumblr, for the, like, 4 of you I talk to on this app, and I'm not one to often voice my opinion, but I seriously think this is pretty fucked. People who use this app to make a living are getting fucked over. Dare i say it. Even Sex workers are getting fucked over. Porn bots? I've gotten followed by four today. I've had to blog and report them for spam. Nothing is changing with the main problem--the porn bots. Have I ever came in contact with a sex worker on here? Yes. One. I've seen their blog, and all of their content was tagged nsfw, and so I just blocked them and went on my merry way. They even had a bio that said "please block me if you're under 18, this is an nsfw blog, don't interact". Like. I'm not saying they're all like that. I wouldn't know, I've only encountered one. But like. Most nsfw stuff never shows up on my dash, and if it does, I block and go on. Reason I say MOST nsfw stuff, is because the only nsfw stuff that DOES pop on my blogs is

FUCKING PORN BOTS.

And I'm so. Fucking tired. Of the porn bots. And nothing is happening about the porn bots.

Used to, the porn bots would just follow me and send me the typicall repulsive fucking messages like "h0t single big tiddy babes in y0ur area! See if she is 0nline n0w" with a link that would probably give me 12 viruses, so I would block, delete, mark as spam, report, done.

Ever since this ban on nsfw content has come up, not only has the amount of porn blogs following me DOUBLED, But the stupid fucking posts are showing up on my feed.

I'm just sitting there scrolling through my fandom content on my feed and between all of the posts I'm liking and reposting, mainly consisting of memes, and the assorted amount of fandom I'm in, boom, some basically naked girl in a G string giving a guy a bj in a swimming pool and it's labeled "h0t babes in your area" or some stupid fucking shit, and oh, what's that? It's tagged "sfw"! I'll be damned, the bots are learning, and thus they're becoming FOUR TIMES AS FUCKING ANNOYING.

I know people on this app that are +18 and the only problem they have with nsfw on this app is with the porn bots. They have no issue with nsfw creators/sex workers--if they find an nsfw creator or a sex worker blog, they just block them, and block some extra tags. Problem solved.

I have 54 blogs blocked. 50 of those are porn bots. Like 6 of those porn bots are posting what I think is child porn. I have reported all of the porn bots for spam multiple times, and only a few have been taken down? 3 of those blogs I've blocked are exclusionist, and the last one I have blocked is that sex worker--I blocked them just so I didn't have to see their content. I didn't report them, their content was tagged and there were disclaimers like, everywhere all over their blog.

But I've seen about 20 people that I follow for art delete their blogs/content because of this ban, when this was their biggest platform. People that have been here WAY fucking longer than me. People making their living selling their art here. People with like 5000 followers. Some of these people, yes, draw nsfw content. But they have made separate blogs for their nsfw art, with disclaimers and all kinds of tags.

But not a thing has been done about the porn bots. In fact, they got worse. Not sure if this has happened to anyone else--like, porn bots posts showing up on your feed/following you twice as much I mean.

But. Idk. This is just my highly disorganised input. This post is really really rambly, like, I just kinda spilled my thoughts but. I'm pretty mad about all this and I know people on here are much angrier than me, much more affected than me, and much more willing to speak out than me. But here's my input, though it's a little all over the place.

[jestbee]

For the one word prompt thing: ANDROIDS

[send me a one-word prompt to get your own fic!]

I mean, we all knew I’d write a 5+1 at some point, right? That’s kinda my thing.

This might be the most random thing I’ve ever written though. Continues under the cut.

The five things a robot version of Phil could do, and the one thing it couldn’t.

Tags: 5+1, humour?, 

Words: 1443

1.

“One day Phil, I’m going to replace you with a robot. It wouldn’t eat my cereal or leave socks everywhere.”

He’s bent over in the lounge, salvaging dusty socks from the dark recesses of under the couch. He straightens and tuts, tongue against his teeth.

Sometimes Dan just says things. He doesn’t mean them, he’s just liable to let his mouth run. Sometimes these things get him in to trouble.

As soon as he says it Phil just grins, twists his hand into the front of Dan’s sweater, pulls him flush up against him with a rare show of the hidden strength Dan knows he has and wishes he’d crack out more often, then kisses him deep, licking into his mouth with the kind of passion usually reserved for special occasions, or when Dan has done something particularly manly. 

“Your Phil-bot couldn’t do that though, could he?” Phil asks triumphantly. 

Dan is still stunned for a moment, lips red, mind swimming, but he gets it together enough to smirk back at him. 

“He might.” 

-

2.

Phil doesn’t let it go. Two days later he banishes Dan from the kitchen for several hours. There are clatters and bangs of metal against metal, the kind of clanging that only comes with shimmying pots and pans and god knows whatever else he’s doing. 

There are spices in the air, Dan sniffs at them, perplexed yet stomach rumbling incessantly. 

Two hours later Phil emerges with a feast, curry and side dishes, spiced potatoes, coriander rice steaming in a serving bowl, served with a flourish onto their dining table. Dan tucks in eagerly. 

When their plates are empty, forks and knives discarded on ceramic, Dan leaning back and contemplating how unattractive it would be to pop the top button of his jeans open to allow a little more room, versus the effort of getting up to find elasticated jogging pants instead, Phil looks over at him with a smug self-satisfied look. 

“Bet that that Phil android couldn’t cook you dinner like that.” 

Dan thinks that perhaps the subtleties of human taste buds wouldn’t actually be something a robot could handle, the nuanced flavour actual-Phil had managed to capture in the dish would be no match for the poor substitutes a robot-Phil could attempt, but he isn’t going to let on about that, is he?

“I dunno,” Dan shrugs as if the motion doesn’t pull on his full stomach and make him feel slightly nauseous, “cooking is basically science. Robots could follow a recipe. Bet it would make less of a mess in the kitchen too.” 

Phil’s face pinks up so that Dan knows his kitchen will be a right mess, but he doesn’t really mind.

-

3.

They’re in the middle of a liveshow the next time he brings it up. 

“So I’ve popped into Danny’s live show for a little bit,” Phil is saying, explaining why he’s next to Dan on the couch. He’d flaked last Thursday, because he didn’t want to bother with it, invented an excuse to ditch out. But then, in classic Phil style he’d felt bad about it so he’s crashing Dan’s stream instead. Not that Dan minds, it means he doesn't need to think as hard for what to say. He can basically chat to Phil and people will find it entertaining. 

“Do you think an android would be entertaining on a liveshow?” Phil is asking the chat. There are a lot of comments about how an android would be cool, but mostly the chat is being spamming with questions marks or with people wondering what the hell Phil is going on about. 

“I basically told Phil I’m replacing him with a robot,” Dan explains, grinning madly, “I think a robot would make a better housemate because it wouldn’t steal my cereal. What do you guys think? Do robots like cereal?”

There are some responses about how Phil should definitely not be replaced by a robot, and Phil is beginning to get that triumphant look in his eyes, like he’s won the non-argument they’ve been having over the whole Philbot thing. Dan doesn’t give up that easily. 

“I reckon a robot Dan and Phil would be better than the real thing,” he insists, “They’d never get old and you could programme them to do whatever you wanted them to do. Which.... yup, look at the chat... you pervs.” He pretends to shudder. 

The chat is clearly in favours of robot Dan and Phil. Dan looks over and Phil is pouting. They move on to other topics, but he can tell by the look in Phil’s eye that he knows he’s lost this round too.

-

4.

“Can you grab my phone charger for me?” Dan asks, slumped on their couch, back curved into the dip he’s spent time cultivating. 

“Why don’t you get your precious Phil robot to fetch it for you?” 

Dan rolls his eyes, Phil is pouting again and despite himself, it’s bloody adorable. “You know the Philbot isn’t a real thing don’t you?”

“Fine.” 

Phil gets up, dutifully padding through the flat to fetch the cable Dan knows he left plugged in next to his bed. He returns with it trailing behind him, tangling around his ankles threateningly. 

“See,” Phil says proudly, “I’m useful for something.” 

Dan nods and accepts the end of the charger he needs to plug into his laptop, makes a wheedling sound until Phil bends down to plug the other end into the extension cable. 

Once he’s done he makes to leave, smiling like he’s finally proved Dan wrong about the whole robot thing. 

“To be fair,” Dan calls after him, “Philbot would probably be the charger so... you know.” 

He hears Phil groan all the way down the hall.

-

5. 

They’re panting, laying side by side on their backs, limbs loose and splayed across each other. 

“That was... Mm... good.” Dan says inarticulately, his eyes are heavy lidded, sated and languid. 

“Yeah,” Phil replies, a little breathless. 

It’s always good. Especially in the middle of the day like this, when they should be doing something else. When they are shirking their responsibilities. 

“At least I found one thing I’m better at that the robot would be,” Phil suggests lazily, not even bothering to open his eyes. 

Dan laughs, his naked belly jumping with the movement, ankle still hanging over the edge of the bed.

“Phil... You’re good and all but... I mean, do you think you could actually compete with a sex robot?” 

“Ew, Dan!” 

“What?” 

“You’d replace me with a robot and then have sex with it?” 

“I mean...” Dan wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Ultimate stamina.” 

Phil rolls over suddenly, covering Dan’s body with his. “I’ll show you stamina,” he growls, kissing him fiercely. 

He gives it a good go, and Dan thinks at one point that Phil might even be able to manage it, even if Dan himself actually can’t. The idea of a never-tiring sex robot much more appealing in theory than in practise. In the end though, Dan doesn’t actually have to admit defeat because Phil concedes, rolling away with a seldom-heard curse word. 

“Keep your damn sex robot,” he grumbles. 

Dan just laughs, and pulls him close.

-

+1

It’s later on, and they’re curled on the couch, only mostly focusing on the subtitles across the bottom of the screen. 

“You wouldn’t actually replace me with a robot would you?” Phil asks, seriously.

“Don’t be stupid,” Dan responds automatically, before turning to catch the earnest expression on Phil’s face. 

“I’ve thought about it,” Phil says quietly, “I don’t think I’d want to replace you. Even if a Danbot would be on time to everything, and would let me buy all the stupid animal shaped household objects I wanted without judging me.” 

Dan can’t help the fond chuckle that starts in his chest, the one that tugs on his heartstrings. 

“Stupid man,” he says, sliding an arm over Phil’s shoulders and tugging until he’s sprawled in Dan’s lap, long limbs all gangly and awkward but somehow finding a way to be comfortable. “Of course I wouldn’t.”

“Good.” Phil nods determinedly, “I don’t want to be replaced by a robot.” 

“Phil,” Dan says softly, leaning to brush his lips against his forehead affectionately, “I love you. I’d never replace you.” 

Phil sighs, and Dan knows it wasn’t really bothering him, but sometimes an idea just eats away at you a little bit, no matter how absurd it is. 

“I love you too,” Phil sighs and presses his forehead into Dan’s abdomen, close and warm. 

“And that,” Dan replies, running a hand through Phil’s hair, “Is the one thing the robot definitely can’t do.”

[lubdubsworld]

1. Let me add something. The place I'm from, domestic violence is actually, to some extent, a normal thing. Of course we're saddened to know if a girl/woman goes through it but then again we're not like super surprised or that it's completely unthinkable. You're showing the actual truth, this is what happens, actually worse, way worse than this in many countries. Not everyone has a life like you or a government where civilians are atleast safe and police is effective. - memewald

2. It's not really easy. At least in this fic Jimin loves her (in his twisted way) and doesn't cheats on her too. At least she has that much of solace when she thinks about him, but many woman out there don't even have that. They get beaten up on a daily basis, by their husbands as well as their in-laws, the mental torture they receive is horrible and yes something unimaginable but they don't receive help, mostly cause they don't know what they'd with life after leaving the man - memewald2. It's not really easy. At least in this fic Jimin loves her (in his twisted way) and doesn't cheats on her too. At least she has that much of solace when she thinks about him, but many woman out there don't even have that. They get beaten up on a daily basis, by their husbands as well as their in-laws, the mental torture they receive is horrible and yes something unimaginable but they don't receive help, mostly cause they don't know what they'd with life after leaving the man - memewald3. The society? Unforgiving, it's judgemental and will remind the woman at every step how it was her fault that her marriage failed, how it was her fault that she was put through all the trauma. Suddenly the man is the victim and she has to live with this for the rest of her life, and the previous trauma of course. How do you think now that it's just easy to leave the guy and just live peacefully? The concept of marriage is a huge thing in oriental countries unlike western countries - memewald.4. Divorce is a taboo in most countries here, no offense but half the people I see in western countries (grown up people) mostly are divorced, they get married in a spur of a moment and then when they realize it's not true love, they part ways. It's that easy for them, not here. Sorry for spamming you but I'm tired of seeing how less and less people know of this mundane and horrible world. Not everything in life is sunshine and rainbows. - memewald~~~~~~~~~~~~~Humans are shitty. Everywhere. There was a documnetray that i watched which was only about the abuse ythat is prevalent in rich , privileged societies and often the fear of being stigmatized keeps women quiet.So we have rich women, putting up with abuse because they have their pride, we have poor women putting up with it because they need money, we have mothers putting up with it for the sake of the children, we have young girls putting up with it because they're scared no one else will love them.... basically, the only thing to be blamed is the abuser himself. You could be the queen of England herself but if you fall for the wrong guy, he's going to find a way to abuse you. Yes, i agree with all that you said, women who are raised in a certain way tend to think twice about breaking marriages. They watch their mothers putting up with abuse and think they should too... oh man, seriously let's just let this topic drop now guys .... Let's all just agree that men like that are scum and should be shot and be done with it.

[overdrivels]

Art of Living (Plot)

I’m going to probably revisit this one day as a real fic, but right now, I don’t believe in myself at all to get this thing done. I really liked this idea and didn’t want it to die, so here is the plot in its entirety with snippets of writing that just couldn’t come together. Hold onto your pants, this is going to get long.

Basically, it’s a Soulmate!AU where injuries can get shuffled off to your soulmate. A Reaper x Reader. 

Chapter one is here: Link

Several months passed since you’ve last seen Angela. You’re still getting injuries transferred to you because your soulmate doesn’t know how to control themselves and is hell-bent on ruining your life (or so you think). But over time, they seem to get less and less for some reason. In the meantime, you’re just sitting around, suffering, doing some research papers because that’s kind of all you can do now. 

Angela FINALLY comes to visit you, but she has a guest (guess who), and you’re like:

You took in the guest’s appearance with little more than a bemused hum.“Is it Halloween already?” you asked with a yawn, wincing slightly when it aggravates the fading bruise on your face. “Didn’t prepare any candy.” 

“It’s the medicine,” Angela quickly offered to the other. 

“It isn’t,” you pouted. How dare she insinuate that you were not in control of your facilities? You were perfectly…not awake yet.  

She leaves you and Reaper alone so that you both can hash out the situation. Just you and him, and she’s right outside, ready to subdue him if necessary. Ana may or may not also be out there with a sleeping dart in case things get messy. 

You think you’re nervous? Reaper’s even more so. This guy, when he was Gabriel Reyes, used to think about this stuff all the time. He used to think about his soulmate and who it was, and whether they were really out there. Seeing you like this now, he’s not sure what to do. 

“…hey.”

The gravelly, tepid greeting was accompanied by an awkward wave (were those claws?) and the body language of a person who hasn’t tried to be friendly to anyone in ages. You stared, and he stared back. 

Probably. 

It was difficult to tell underneath the bone white mask that was full of cracks where his cheek would be and some adhesive residue. It looked like he got hit with a wrecking ball. You stay frozen to the spot as he lumbered over, heavy footsteps and breathing reverberating in the room. 

You watched him with bated breath, heart hammering away, anxious. 

He knelt before you. With a gentle touch that belied his appearance, he ghosted over the fading bruise on your cheek. Time froze, and your heart, previously in a panic, now calmed considerably. Warm, even. You barely even caught yourself leaning into this stranger’s touch. 

...stranger. No.

Cold realization hit you like lighting. A flash of white hot anger overtakes you. With more strength than you’ve had in years, you reared up and swung your fist at his face.

Or you would have, if he didn’t catch it. 

“Can you at least let me get a hit in? It’s only fair,” you grounded out, arm shaking from the effort to connect with his already ruined mask. He stared back impassively. He looked like he didn’t even care. You struck out your other arm. He caught that one, too.

“Feisty.”

You have spent years fantasizing about what you’d do to your soulmate for putting you through this living hell. But now that you have him at arm’s length, you don’t know what to do. Hundreds of scenarios that you’ve spent time mulling over, entire dialogues that you planned to spit at him, even those fancy one-liners that you recite to yourself even in your sleep–gone. 

You chase him out, chuck your tub of scar gel at the door. This wasn’t happening. Your soulmate was some edgy asshole. What the fFUCK. Angela comes in, knows that you’re in a bad mood and tries to explain that that person was Gabriel Reyes but he goes by ‘Reaper’ now. You don’t fucking care what this asshole calls himself. He’s now named ‘asshole’ because he’s quite literally the asshole who made your life a living hell. Angela just pleas for you to hear him out on this and talk because you’re soulmates.

Reaper knows almost 100% that you’re soulmates. He doesn’t have to even ask. He sees the scars and he knows where they’re from. On top of that, he got punched in the face by Jack when they were dragging him back, and you have the bruise where his should’ve been. So, it clinches it.  He really wished you both were able to meet when he was Reyes and not this monster who just forces his pain upon you. 

Things get calmer, everyone gives you some space before Reaper comes back, warping in and scaring the living daylights out of you. Again, you throw the nearest thing at him: your coffee cup, spilling it everywhere. He dodges that shit, too. What is up with this guy, why was he so good at dodging things? 

You both decide to be big adults and talk. It’s hard because you hate him for receiving all his injuries and he doesn’t know what to say. You ask him about it, and he has no idea. He’s not doing it on purpose, didn’t even know he had a soulmate to transfer this shit to. That just makes the entire situation worse because what does he mean he has no idea? He’s the one giving his injuries to you! He looks like he knows, but doesn’t say it. So now, you’re both in crappy moods. 

Reaper comes back another day, this time with coffee. It’s pretty good coffee, but he has a whole tray of things like sugar and different creamers and milk. It’s a peace offering if you’ve ever seen one. So you both have some quiet coffee time even though he never takes off the mask.

He brought in a tray of coffee, a strange and domestic gesture that sharply contradicts his appearance. He said nothing when he set it down, immediately retreating to ‘his’ corner. 

You looked at the offering with no small amount of ire.The coffee is black, packets of sugar and little cups of milk off to the side. It was a kind gesture despite the standoffish attitude.

Reaper knows he should take off the mask and let you see his face, but you were scared enough when he decided to fucking teleport, how are you going to react to his not Gabriel-esque face? Yeah, no. He keeps the mask on for now. 

He gets used to chilling in your room and just not saying anything, and you just work on your research papers. He has a corner that slowly becomes his corner. It’s for him and him only. Quickly, you’re both used to each other’s presence even in silence, like it was completely natural. But you still tell yourself you hate him. How does one not know they’re transferring their injuries to someone else? Seriously? The nerve of this guy. But life is great. Your soulmate is within your sights, and he’s not running off getting injured (or at least, he’s making a conscious effort not to do so).

Eventually, he goes on a mission with Overwatch because they managed to convince him to join their side and need his support. Great, so he goes on a mission with them, but this time, he’s stressed the fuck out because you’re going to get his injuries whether he likes it or not. He’s painfully aware there’s someone else who is connected to him in a way that other people can’t really imagine. So he tries to be extra careful. But as always, injuries at inevitable in this line of work.

He watched the mist whisk away the bullet wound with a sense of dread he didn’t think he was capable of since he became ‘Reaper’, leaving nothing behind but ashen skin and a dull throbbing reminder that you will pay for his mistakes. 

When he gets back, you’re angry again because holy shit you guys just managed to find each other and get by without injuries. Now, you’re bed-ridden again and covered in them! You need a lot more healing serums than usual to get back on your feet. Reaper definitely feels bad about it, but he was injured, too. 

On top of that, he’s a mercenary. He’s got no choice. On top of that, things are Overwatch is very uncomfortable because the other agents realize that they’re indirectly hurting an innocent person who just happened to be linked with a living grim reaper hellbent on destroying them. It’s not comfortable for anyone, okay? 

So you’re all back to square one. Getting huffy at each other, but the blame really doesn’t lie in either of you. 

Speaking of blame, Angela’s busy researching why this is happening. She suspects it’s her fault and so she hasn’t gone to see you often, but she’s working herself to the bone. You’re her friend, Gabriel was her friend, and she’s going to get you both the happy ending you deserve. 

She’s managed to at least figure out that your body seems to reject the injuries after you receive a certain amount. Either because Reaper’s body knows that’s all you can handle or because your body is actively rejecting it out of self-preservation. She’s not too sure and doesn’t want to find out. 

In the meantime, you are Reaper are trying to work things out. Talk about how he shouldn’t run off, getting hurt because there’s someone else on the line. Reaper tries not to, it’s not like he really does it on purpose to hurt you. Even with all his edginess, Reaper’s a good guy. You start to warm up to him, even though you’re still calling him ‘asshole’. But it’s become almost a term of endearment. You both talk to each other every once in a while. You find out he’s actually pretty funny when he’s not busy brooding or being an edgelord. 

He’s pretty considerate, too. He brings coffee, hands you your blankets when you get cold, organizes some papers. He’s...actually not such bad company. Though you never actually stop trying to punch him in the face. 

Eventually, you find out that it’s Angela’s fault. Lord help you, it’s your friend’s fault because she botched her resurrection technology trying to save this fucker known as your soulmate. Apparently she spammed her resurrection on this guy and just really messed up. He’s the first one she’s ever tried it on, there were bound to be some kinks. 

You are tired, and easily irritable from your constant pain, and just snap at Angela. Reaper is there and you end up snapping at him, too, accusing him for knowing and not saying anything. He snaps at you, you’re all angry at each other and the situation. Look, anyone would be angry if they were suffering for years and it’s because of a good friend with good intentions, but their fuck-up meant your suffering. It’s entirely understandable. Doesn’t mean that this was a good way to handle, though. 

For stress-relief, Reaper goes on a mission and is reckless. Getting shot every which way, warping too close to enemies, getting hit in places he could normally avoid. Yes, he’s in a terrible mood. And guess what? He can heal himself with souls. He’s fine. You? You’re fucked. 

When he’s done rampaging, he feels fucking bad about it all. What the fuck did he just do to his own SOULMATE? So he tries to go back to apologize. Warps into the room next to your’s, comes in through the front door like he usually does because he’s considerate of spooking you, but you’re not there. Weird. There also seems to be a lot more activity around the hospital. He manages to get someone to spill where you are. You’re in surgery because the healing serums weren’t doing anything. Oh boy. He thinks he may have fucked up big time. 

Angela comes out of surgery and has to explain to him and you’ve developed a resistance to the healing serums. You’ve been taking them for so long and at such high doses that they literally don’t do jack squat for you anymore. 

Now he’s worried as shit and realizes OH FUCK he might actually care for you a lot more than he realizes. All those times he’s spent in your room, just staying with you and talking about things like your research, he realizes he liked that and he liked your company and oh shit. He’s gone down the slippery slope of FEELS. He tells Angela to do what she can. 

When you get out of surgery, you’re just plain exhausted and sleep a lot. Reaper’s by your side the whole time. He gets stuff for you if you need it, makes sure you take your medication, makes sure you take your meals on time, hell, he even helps you put on scar gel and change your bandages, and is just generally good company. You may or may not be delirious enough to just let your defenses down to just let him take care of you. 

On the back end, though, Reaper goes to see Angela to subject himself to her experiments because he doesn’t want to see you go through that shit again. They both work on trying to find the thing that makes his body wisp away all injuries to you. This guy is really trying okay? Even though he doesn’t like being subject to Angela’s prodding and testing, he’s doing this for you. 

When you’re considerably better, you both end up just going for walks around the compound and things like that to make sure you keep up your exercise. It’s nice. Reaper can even pretend that you’re both normal and that everything’s okay. You try not to admit to yourself that this is nice. That having Reaper with you is nice. You accidentally even called him ‘Reaper’ instead of ‘asshole’. 

Reaper would not admit it until many years later, but while it may not have been his actual name, but it’s a huge upgrade from being called ‘asshole’. He could just drop his mask and kiss you at that moment. But he doesn’t. 

One day, he comes by with a cup of coffee. Not just ANY cup, though.

He shoved the warm cup into your hand, nearly spilling it all over your lap in the process. 

“Drink." 

You resisted the urge to splash it back into his face when he refused to back off, looming over you as though threatening you to drink it. One glance at the contents makes you suspicious, but when you taste it, your eyes widen and the cup nearly slipped from your hand. 

You had to take hearty sip to be sure, but by the time your mind had caught up to the reality of he knew how you took your coffee, the cup was nearly empty. You drained the cup and licked at the rim when it would not offer more. A warmth from something much more than just the drink swelled against your ribs to your neck then your cheeks, heart pounding.  

Even though you couldn’t see his face, you could somehow tell he was pleased with himself.

THIS SMOOTH MOTHERFUCKER has been watching how you take your coffee and made it for you just the way you liked. MAN, if you didn’t like him before, you sure as hell liked him now. 

Reaper’s nickname has been upgraded from ‘asshole’ to ‘Reaper’. Congrats, edgelord! You’re one step closer to romancing the reader. 

Anyway, it seems that Angela may have found out a way to stop it, and tests it on Reaper. 

“Only one way to find out.”

He dug his gauntlet into his arm with little more than a grunt. Both watched the wound with dreaded suspense, waiting for the mist to come and deliver the punctures to you. 

Reaper’s heart nearly stopped when the mist came out, ghosting over the injury like it was debating whether it should or not. It dissipates before it does anything further, leaving the wounds gaping and barely bleeding. The rush of relief that Reaper felt at the sight almost made him question whether he was actually a masochist. 

LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE CURED AND HE’S CURED. FINALLY. Now he’s 100x squishier because he no longer automatically transfers injuries to you for double HP. 

But now, he can go on missions without being worried for you, you’re healing up nicely, hell, you both even have some sort of okay understanding of each other. You’re both pretty stoked, and you actually run around outside for the first time in years without fear of randomly dropping dead or getting so badly injured that you can’t find help. Wow, Switzerland is nice, you both deserve this. Good job, you two. Reaper watches you run around, laughing and having fun. This was great, and you make him have fun with you, too. 

Most of the time though, you just both sit in the same room, you drink the coffee he makes, he sometimes drinks coffee with his back turned to you, you both talk about stuff and just generally enjoy each other’s company. You’re sarcastic and have interesting stories, and he also has his share, and everything’s hunky dory. 

NOPE

Remember that water filtration system from Chapter 1? Yeah, Talon’s using one of the components to create a weapon. They’re targeting the hospital you’re in because they know that Reaper’s there a lot. Too bad, Reaper’s off on a mission. Their main goal though is the healing serums and healing technology they have at that hospital. That shit is useful and expensive. 

BATTLE STATIONS, EVERYONE. You wake up to the sounds of the battlefield and you look and are like, ‘aw, fuck no’. People are screaming, there is general chaos, and the hospital seems to be on lockdown. There are security bots everywhere and people who are trying to fight. But sadly, they’re no match for Talon’s agents. 

You bust into an area in the hospital where they kept prototype valkyrie suits (separate from the labs that develop the serums), and done that shit like a boss. Surprise, you didn’t just write papers for a living. You were one of the medical personnel who used the valkyrie suits, but for obvious reasons, had to retire early. 

So you run around, trying to heal people and avoid getting killed. But you’re out of practice, and just really unprepared for this shit. But if you had to go down, you’d rather go down fighting. 

“It’s high noon.” This is the sound that marks the beginning of the turning of tides. Every Talon agent near you gets shot, and holy fuck, some cowboy drops in in front of you and gives you a hat tip. Who???

He introduces himself as McCree, and just basically tells you he won’t let anything happen to you, calls you lovely, and says that you don’t need to dirty your hands or worry your pretty head over anything. Whatever, he’s just smooth as all fuck, and shuffles you away to keep you safe.

Some lady named Sombra comes by also, telling you that ‘Gabe’ is on the way. Apparently, she managed to get contact him about this attack before he got too far. He may be able to teleport, but it’s not going to be fast enough. Even Widowmaker’s in on this, just sniping down people as they come near you while Sombra renders their exquipment ineffective, and Jesse’s barrelling through everyone and putting bullets in their heads. 

Shit, though, Talon gets the jump on you at some point while you’re trying to help heal Jesse because that guy is just taking a ton of damage. You go down, injured badly, but you’re trucking along like, “This ain’t shit! I’ve gotten worse from Reaper.” Yeah, it ain’t anything to joke about, you’re seriously hurt and no amount of serums are going to help because you’re resistant. 

Reaper makes it eventually, and DEATH BLOSSOMS everyone in the vicinity. He gets to you, bundled up in Jesse’s serape because no one can heal and even healing is useless on you at this point. The only solution is to transfer your wounds to Reaper. 

You fucking laugh at the idea, even though it hurts. You refuse and say that you don’t want him to go through this crap. It sucks. He’s angry because if you don’t do it, he’s going to lose his soulmate and a friend. 

Angela comes running out also with the rest of the Overwatch squad because Sombra had the foresight to contact them as well. She knew this shit was going down. Talon should’ve changed their passwords (not that that could’ve helped). Overwatch literally mows them down, and forces Talon to retreat. 

Eventually, you relent and share your wounds with Reaper. He’s able to heal them instantly by eating up souls. This is just unfair. But before you can give up the rest of your injuries, you just knock out. It’s been a stressful day. You deserve it.

A lot of time passes, you’re fine, Reaper’s fine, everyone’s happy.  and you’re living with Reaper, or rather, he’s living with you. He’s making you coffee from scratch (roasts the beans and everything), and you’re writing your research papers. He even has his mask off, comfortable enough to not feel self-conscious in front of you, and you’re not frightened with his appearance. It’s actually pretty intact contrary to what he thinks. You both just have coffee and talk, leaning against each other on the couch. It’s rather domestic, and Reaper thinks he can get used to this. This was nice. You even call him ‘Gabriel’ now with the voice of someone who actually cares for him. (He’ll never admit it, but he’s absolutely smitten to hear you finally call him by his name.)

You find out that Angela personally hunted down Reaper to tell him about you. She had to go one-on-one with him to get him to listen. 

The bruise you got when he met you? It was because of Jack. He punched Reaper in the face for being an idiot. They had a fist fight. 

He still feels a little bad about it. 

You punch him in the face with your mouth. Because you’ve been wanting to just punch him in the face since day one. 

He just leans in and gives you a gentle kiss on the corner of your lips, and you’re flustered because neither of you have been very intimate like that, and you just bury your face in his shoulder, laughing. 

You both eventually have a proper kiss. It’s quick, but warm. 

One kiss leads into another, and you’re both just kissing each other on the face, hands, neck (you almost drop your coffee), nose. It’s cute. 

Sombra has a picture of this and sends it to fucking EVERYONE. 

Parties are thrown, money is passed around, people’s hopes are regained. Angela finally gets more than three hours of sleep.