#STORMLORD WERE REALLY IN IT NOW

[tiny-huts]

THE YASHA COMIC WAS SO GOOD BUT HOW THE FUCK DID THEY MANAGE TO MAKE HER EVEN SADDER I THOUGHT WE HAD CAPPED OUT AND NOW IM STARING AT THE CEILING PROCESSING THAT

[paperglader]

Random imodna thoughts about the last few episodes because I’ve sort of had put a stop to the hyperfixation in order to survive finals but WE’RE BACK and I need to rant about imogen temult and my favorite dead lady.

About the stormlord: Not too long ago Imogen broke my heart in two when she said that she’s been trying to talk to the gods her whole life and she’s been ignored by all of them. Now suddenly some lighting bitch is interested. I’m sorry but I stand my ground: the gods do not deserve Imogen Temult.

Laudna really went, AGAIN “if you feel like giving into the moon, I’ll support your every move, regardless of anyone's thoughts on who's good or who’s bad” and, oh my god, I get the sentiment. I also think that Imogen’s never done a single bad thing in her life and everyone else is wrong but this enabling behavior is making me freak the fuck out because above all I want is for her to be ALRIGHT.

About imodna: MARISHA AND LAURA ARE COOKING. I know it. 4sd confirmed it in my opinion. Marisha said she’s been thinking non-stop about Imogen’s words during the truth trial. So much tea dropped, actually: marisha’s comment about laudna being dead, therefore, having no future. So many thoughts on that, but mainly laura's reaction to the comment summarize's it all pretty well; she (marisha) was crazy excited about playing out relationship conflict + Laura basically confirmed that the whole thing with Delilah was going to affect their intimacy. I need them to get a minute on screen to get those issues to surface SOON.

JUSTICE FOR IMOGEN’S GLASSES (unrelated to imodna, but still so so relevant)

Can we just turn it back up for a moment and remember that not that long ago laudna was reliving her worst traumas and made Imogen promise to move on after she inevitably lost herself to Delilah, then Imogen sobbed her eyes out to a god and begged for someone’s help to save the woman she loves only for the raven queen to send an ominous sign, then laudna disappeared, spend a night with Delilah away from Imogen and returned totally regressed and barely lucid only to then make everyone cry by gifting a doll to Ashton (who had almost died) and say “love is pain. But it’s also warmth. I was so cold last night.” Then imogen took off her circlet, said some pretty heavy stuff and gave into the storm. I- just- can we go back to when they were kissing in supermarkets and announcing their relationship to dead pirates, and calling each other beautiful, and keeping each other in the forefront of their mind whilst floating down an ancient tree.

Another random thing that won’t let me sleep from 4sd was “Imogen always wants to know, and she would want to know if she went bad or not.” laura.bailey. Joke's on her, though, because regardless of what she chooses Imogen will always just be the best girl and her gf agrees, so that’s that.

Still forever funny, that one laudna comment about making everyone accountable. BITCH WHEN?

[ghostinthegallery]

⭐️another day, another star! if you don't have more to talk about with The Silence and The Storm, dealer's choice!

Heh, I always have more to talk about with TSATS XD

One aspect I know I've talked a little bit about, but am happy to ramble about more is Anrakyr. I seriously considered not including him at all when I started. I think when I read the Devourer novella he suffered from "Default Asshole Necron" syndrome. I see in a lot of GW stuff I've read where necrons are the antagonists. The lordly arrogance, the "grr I sure hate organics! I'm so much better than them!", and not much personality deeper than that. It's the same flavor of asshole for all the overlords, and Anrakyr had a little bit of that going on imho. I hate it. It is boring. His character concept is fantastic, his design slaps, and I love his three praetorians who follow him around. But on the page, he didn't work for me.

Then my completionist brain kicked in and I knew I'd go nuts if I didn't include him. He has a model, I owed him a POV. I could fix him, right?

Gentle reader, I had no idea how to fix him. I didn't know what his plotline was besides being generally antagonistic, but he just doesn't have the resources (or skill, sorry) to meaningfully be an obstacle to either the Silent King or the Stormlord.

Throwing Zultanekh at him was an early hail Mary (Zultanekh makes everything better!) And then I added a devil on the shoulder in the form of Setekh. Okay, at least Anrakyr had something to do, plus he wound up being the perfect way to bring the flayer kingdom into the story. But I don't think I really settled on his arc until around Chapter 13. Late in the game!

I did get a little meta with it. Anrakyr also realizes he has no idea what he's doing! What is the point of all this? Him and me kind of figured out his story together, and I think it came down to going back to the core question of the character. Why would an overlord abandon his world for the sake of others? What was his goal then and is he really accomplishing it now? How can he get back to it? This is what I love about discovery writing, even in the context of a fic where I am posting a chapter at a time and can't go back to edit/change things. There's a sense of building something organically, and sometimes my past self leaves me threads to work with that I didn't initially realize were there. It is tricky but a lot of fun.

Again Zultanekh is a life saver, throw him at all your angry, confused wanderers. I'm incredibly happy with where Anrakyr is at now story-wise. Plus I get to bring Anrakyr/Thaszar to the world, and if I add nothing else to this fandom besides that ship I will be happy.

He's gonna get a backstory soon, I promise. Imotekh and Szarekh aren't the only ones getting their flashbacks!

[divineerdrick]

Warhammer Day 2023

EDIT: This is almost a full week late! This week has sucked for many reasons, but I still can't believe it took me that long to get one blog post done!

I know I'm late on this one, but I crashed right after watching it. I noted my reactions down, but I'm going to file this under "Not So Live Blog." My attempt to revive this blog is off to a fantastic start!

Which makes it only slight worse than this set of Warhammer Day reveals!

I won't bury the lead hear. GW put a lot of marketing and hype into the 40th Anniversary of Warhammer. But I feel they definitely overhyped this. It's not that there weren't any big reveals, but nothing on the scale of Leviathan. I wonder if they were originally intending to announce Leviathan at Warhammer Day, but then things got changed to keep their summer launch cycle. I've started having more than a few suspicions and question regarding that release.

One issue is with the need to make sure there are regular news and announcements. I feel things that maybe should have been a part of something like Warhammer Day ended up preempting it. Leviathan may be the obvious one, being delivered at Adepticon instead of a GW event, but both new seasons of WarCry and Underworlds were announced less than a month prior. As a result, there was really only one big reveal for this 40th Anniversary blowout and I feel like it's half missing.

And it sucks, because what was revealed was great!

But enough preamble, let's see what was unveiled!

WARHAMMER 40,000

With all the major news for 40K happening this past summer, we're now into our standard Codex and miniature release cycle. For Warhammer Day, it was Necrons and AdMech!

Necrons

The greatest military mind the galaxy has ever seen returns! Imotekh the Stormlord is back and free from Finecast resin! This new model looks fantastic! While Immotekh isn't currently a very potent model, there are plenty of ways that could change with Codex Necrons. Speaking of which, we got some teases as to what the new Detachments will be, including a Stratagem and Enhancement. In addition to a Canoptek detachment and a Destroyer Detachment, we got a direct reveal for the Hypercrypt Legion.

The Hypercrypt Legion is all about movement shenanigans, using teleportation and gate technology to get your legions into position. They demonstrated this with Hyperphasic recall, which lets you take a wounded Necron unit and move it to a Monolith. It's 2CP, but there are lots of evil things you can do with this. Your opponent always wants to make sure they destroy your units, and with some Necron bricks that can definitely take a few units worth of shooting. Removing a group of Necron warriors out of the line of fire, only to then Reanimate them could be a frustrating trick. It'll be even crueler if you have the tools to then send them back into the fight.

Next we have the Destroyer themed Eternal Madness. As long as this isn't too expensive, this is another winner. Fight on Death is a powerful ability. Just the threat that a Destroyer Lord could be taking a unit with him will make opponents think twice. All and all, some fun previews for the Undying Legions.

Adeptus Mechanicus

I'm just gonna start by putting this right here.

This model is so crazy and I am so here for it! Eddie with Warhammer Preview described it as being "a little bit Marmite." I'm sure a lot of people are going to think this goes too far, but I think it's perfect. The Sydonian Skatros will also be a cheap Lone Operative, so it will definitely be a useful addition to nearly any AdMech army. AdMech will of course also be getting some new Detachments with their Codex, which are much needed. In addition to Detachments themed around Tech-Priests and Cybernetica, we have the Skitarii Hunter Cohort.

Unfortunately, the second part of this Detachment rule will rarely matter in game. But the first part will increase the durability of your Skitarrii and Ironstriders, the first of whom have already gotten a nice durability buff. Providing the Stratagems and Enhancements are good, I'd probably always take this over the Rad-Cohort.

And speaking of Stratagems . . .

Binharic Offence is 2CP to give two of your Skitarii units an additional pip of AP against one chosen enemy unit. This is huge! AP is at a premium in 10th Edition, and anything that improves it is more than welcome. All and all a great start to the Hunter Cohort.

With that, we move away from mainline 40K. Though we're not quite done with important reveals for my favorite game just yet . . .

AGE OF SIGMAR

And again, I'm gonna just put this here.

Do I really need to say anything?

I never dived particularly deep into AoS. I've read the Daughters of Khaine Battle Tomes for 2nd and 3rd Edition, plus Morathi, and I've read the 3rd Edition book. I also used to follow Warhammer Weekly pretty faithfully, but haven't caught any episodes since shortly before the reveal of 10th. I like the game, though there are a few bug bears I have with it (one of which has snuck into 40K.) But the models are just amazing! The writers and artists for this game have just done fantastic work creating a familiar fantasy setting that is still very much its own beast.

Just amazing!

These miniatures are part of the ongoing narrative arc, Dawnbringers. And here is where I have to reveal some of my ignorance. How long has AoS had Armies of Renown? I know they have Warscroll Battalions, but are these new to the current campaign?

Regardless, I am here for both of these miniatures! Alarielle is still my favorite plastic miniature, possibly my favorite GW miniature period, and I'm going to eventually want Belthanos to go with her.

KILL TEAM

After teasing us before the reveal of Belthanos by accidentally starting the wrong video, we got the reveal of the next Kill Team season and our first two Kill Teams. There's two big pieces of news here, while not a lot of actual detail about the new season.

The big reveal is that the first new Kill Team set will include the new Striking Scorpions. I was just talking to a friend the other day about the fact that Aeldari still needs to finish their range refresh. There's no sign of Uncle K yet, but this is still great news.

The second big reveal is this season of Kill Team will not be sold with huge terrain sets. GW isn't giving up on Killzones, but they'll be available separately now for all of us that already have a huge assortment of Kill Team terrain. Hopefully, this means the Kill Team box sets will be much more affordable, especially for anyone that wants to get their hands on either the new Scouts or the new Striking Scorpions.

On a side note, I never blogged about how confusing the whole Scouts thing was. They removed Scouts to Legends, then released new ones. Why not just update the Datasheet in the Codex? I thought Scouts going to Legends was weird to begin with . . .

What was surprisingly missing from the reveal is anything regarding what this new Season is about. The Gallowdark has fallen to this ocean world and now various factions have pursued it there. That's about it. We know the first Killzone will be set on a derrick in the middle of a hostile ocean. They even mentioned that the waters with be deadly, with a joke about SPEHSS PAHRAHNAHS! But there was no real mention of any overarching story or theme for this season.

THE OLD WORLD

At last we come to it - what could be considered the big reveal of this Warhammer Day.

The Kingdom of Bretonia!

And if you've been following GW reveals, you know why that's a bit underwhelming. We already know Bretonia is coming for Old World and will be one of the first armies we get. Still, let's start with the good stuff.

Again, just looks at it! The new Lord on Pegasus looks amazing, as does the alternate kit for a Baron on Pegasus. There's a lot of incredible detail, personality, and life in this new miniature. And we can see that in all the new miniatures.

But that's where the cool stuff stops. The new Kingdom of Betonia set is bringing some new models, but the bulk of it looks to be returning models from classic Warhammer. And as you can see . . .

Some of them just don't hold up well next to the new miniatures. While it's great that you can still use your old miniatures to play, one of the pains of having a game shut down is the loss of new and updated sculpts. I know there are plenty of classic Warhammer fans that were hoping for more.

The next bugbear to tackle is the Forge World kits. For various reasons, GW often uses Forge World to support their "Boxed Games." Despite originally being a mainline game, I think we all suspected that when The Old World released it would be supplemented by Forge World. But it looks like it's going to be a lot of kits. Anything new not coming out in the launch box appears to be Forge World, including that Handmaiden above. My guess is that anything that was a pewter kit will also be Forge World, since that's one of the reason GW still uses resin. We already know the Field Trebuchet will be returning as a Forge World kit. All and all, there doesn't appear to be anywhere near the plastic support for The Old World that The Horus Heresy got.

Finally there's the fact we're still getting drip-fed the previews, even though it's Warhammer Day. I don't understand why they couldn't just give us some more substantial reveals. We know basically every kit we're getting for Bretonia in the launch box, but we don't have the reveal of the launch box. While we're pretty sure who their opponent will be, they haven't official revealed them, let alone new miniatures. Finally we know that The Old World will release in "early" 2024, but nothing more solid than that.

Though, to be fair, that last one is consistent with GW marketing and their seeming refusal to give us launch dates until they're almost on us. Doesn't anyone in their marketing team understand the concept of saving up for things?

All and all, this reveal is taking away from the impact a final Old World reveal could have. It's weird because GW can be so good at maintaining hype through previews and teasers. Maybe they're hoping that when they announce the second faction and drop its new miniatures, it will make up for it.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Like I said, I feel for the 40th Anniversary of Warhammer, this Warhammer Day preview is just lacking. It needed something to help make it a celebration of these great games and this great hobby. Hell! As I'm finishing this there have been more products added to the Warhammer Day celebration. The best one wasn't even revealed during this Preview - a reprint of the original Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader. I don't understand how they could build up so much hype and momentum for the 40th, only to let it hit so lightly.

The new miniatures are still awesome, especially for AOS, and I'm still glad to see The Old World returning. But as companies before them have learned the hard way, if you're going to build a ton of hype, you need to have a payoff for it.

[nastrond-skelly]

Just finished reading the silence and the storm (at least up to the last released chapter) by @ghostinthegallery and I'm here to gush over how much I'm in love with this amazing piece of fanfic.

Massive spoilers ahead

You can either buy tdk and tiatd or do as i did and pirate them if you're as poor as i am.

Link to the piece here if you're interested in it, and i do recommend it if you're a necron enjoyer and are dissatisfied with how GW is handling the story threads they left to rot to pursue their craving for adding more books to the Imerium's catalogue.

So, how do i start? Well, before reading this i had no interest in many of the characters that appear in it: i thought of imotekh as just another character with not much outside of his martial prowess, having never read severed i did like what i knew about zandrekh and obryon but i didn't care much for either of them, anrakyr was just a unit in the necron codexes i loved for it's rules in game but not much else, and Szarekh was barely more than an afterthought in my love for the faction. But now i cannot make any of these people stop living in my head rent free.

I was already in love with the two bickering gay nerds, trazyn and orikan were already some of my favorite characters in fiction, their rightful place as kings of my fixation only shared by the likeness of Ged, Ghost Bird, Lake and Ulrich Von Bech. But, dead gods be damned, this piece of fiction made my love for them only grow. The author did not only write them perfectly in character with how they had been written beforhand, but they enhanced their interactions, their relationship and it's evolution after serenade, writing the evolution of their rivalry in such an organic and logical way. The loving hatred they feel for each other having only growing after their escapades with the arcavios mysterios, then even more as Szeras tries to take trazyn's favorite enemy from him. The pain of seeing Orikan trying to save Trazyn from the unavoidable fury of his Phareon, Trazyn trying to convince orikan to be by his side as he preoares to convince the Nobility of his damned race to think for once. The way ghost in the gallery writes how these characters crave each other, masking their desire to see their "rival" in layers of denial that would make Zandrekh look accepting of the horror of biotransference. My heart stopped when the two departed, knowing now what the real reason for trazyn's desire to "lock" orikan in his gallery is. Orikan, stubborn bitch, desperate for trazyn's presence, even offering him the security and protection of the stormlord.

Speaking of the stormlord, i adore the way he was written. He is no mindless warmonger, he owns his titles, the fear he strikes is well deserved . Imotekh has owned more and more respect from me as the story continued, his mind is sharp and his pride is earned. I thought of him as a mere soldier, much like the nobles of his race would, but he transcends his rank, he is the storm, and every title he has collected is his. This story has made me love this man beyond what i could have ever imagined. The way he speaks commands respect, the way he acts commands fear. I loved every chapter he appeared in, the more i read of him the more i agree with phillas (i Don't remember how to write her name 💀), he might actually be a better silent king than szarekh, but at the same time, he doesn't yet understand the fear his opponent feels towards the great devourer, and i hope he does start to understand as he visit the barren planet. His visions are also quite interesting, and they explain much of his character. He was always intelligent, and biotransference only made his mind able to plan with even better calculations.

Obryon and zandrekh. I don't think i have to say much, mostly because I think they aren't describable in few words. Obryon's denial, and then his acceptance of his "hunger" made me almost tear up. I don't really understand romance in the real world, i don't really understand attraction outside of the respect i can have for someone, i understand hotness and beauty, but strictly in an aesthetic sense, I don't actually feel attracted to them much. But god, I love seeing robot romance. I don't know why, but i feel more akin to it than I feel towards any work of fiction describing human love. So i got way more invested in the mad nemesor and his loyal guard than i would have ever thought, Zandrekh's desperation as he throws himself in the frontlines, in an almost suicidal act of desperation, hoping for his "old friend" to come, Obryon's desperate need to return to his lord, and then, their reunion. Beforehand i thought of Zandrekh as just "funny mad guy", but dead gods is he so much more, the way he plans the destruction of the weapon defending the mephrit city... Scarabs, gods, scarabs. I don't think i have to add much, the old bastard won my heart, his mind is such a mystery, yet one that can be understood without needing to resolve it, and i love how he is described, his madness being less of a weakness than anyone would have thought. I need to read severed and I can't wait to see how he resolves the occupation of his planet.

So, shall i talk about Szarekh? Yes i should. Am i talking like an ogdobekh because of reasons to myself mysterious? Yes i am. Should i stop? Probably. Anyway, Szarekh is a weird one of me, because i understand him, but i don't think i would support him was i a lord casting her vote at the mot. For two reasons:

1) he is letting his dog loose, giving Szeras this much freedom to act crosses so many lines, and in his desperation Szarekh is trusting the monster with too much power. As much as his reasons for it are just and his heart is in the right place when it comes to what he wants for the necron race, he is risking hurting them once again. And Imotekh makes a good point about him, he does tend to trust in things he does not understand. The c'tans, the tyranids, Szeras.

2) he needs a fucking break, god, he has balls of ceramite for how he resisted the norn queens for so long, and what he saw would have destroyed the mind of any other necron, but god he needs a fucking break. I want to hug him and give him a warm blanked and some hot chocolate, man, heavens know he needs it.

I just now realize i am giving my opinion on these characters as if i was involved myself with the events, and i think this is a testament to how engaging this fic is.

Talking about loose dogs, Szeras, you fucking bastard, i will kill you if you dare to touch my precious babies again and i hope he gets his head shoved in a pile of ork shit. He is so well written, terrifying in every scene he appears in. I said this before and i will say it again, i fucking love this character archetype. I love to hate him and i want to see him again, possibly being dunked on by literally anyone, and I'm so happy trazyn was able to make his necrodermis shiver in rage at the trial.

Speaking of trials. My beloved, the executioner herself, is the literal manifestation of badassery and nobody can make me put those words back in my mouth. I want a 4 meters tall statue of her in my room and i love how the work makes her feel like both a threat and the best ally anyone can have. Every interaction with her and any other character is pure gold and I really want to see more of her.

Anrakyr, the traveler, my dear backstabbing powerhouse of a man, he's such an interesting character, and a melancholic one at that. He is both honourable and betraying, and i fully agree with the three oraerorians, he is interesting as hell. I honestly don't have much to say about him, i love his character and I can't wait to see him and oltyx interact. I will eagerly wait for his story to continue, until then, I'll be gushing over him saving obryon for the rest of time.

And now, a lightning round because my thumbs are getting sore:

- the tyranids are written so fucking well, they are terrifying and intriguing at the same time, i don't really understand how they're able to communicate with the crons but the way they speak is in it's own way kind of terrrifying.

- necrons have sex the exact way i wish humans did, and i am envious of them. Thank you ghost for writing one of the first scenes of this kind able to make me invested in it instead of just skipping entire paragraphs.

- the whole scene with trazyn and orikan fighting szeras in the craftworld kept me on edge the whole time and i will take inspiration from it for my own projects.

I didn't talk much about the plot because i want to see how it concludes before Saying anything, but good gods i am so invested in this whole mot situation, I can't wait to see what all our beloved bois, girls and Peeps will do.

Also, i kind of want to see borrakka appear, the red marshal would be a fun addition to the roster of characters in this story, but maybe it would be a bit excessive, i dunno, i am eager to see what happens next.

Also, the melted face dude (i suck at remembering names) is a bitch and i want him dead, wait, no, i want him in szeras' lab, yeha, that's the right punishment for that bastard. God, this story made me hate him so much and i love this feeling.

Anyway, I'm loving this thing and i can't wait for the next chapter.

This is canon for me and i will fight anyone who says it is not.

I just hope it doesn't end with the status quo restored, because so many 40k stories don't change the setting much and this story is shaking the foundation of the infinite empire so much i crave to know where it will lead to.

In any case, sorry for the rambling, and i probably forgot about something, but I'm so happy i read this and I'm making an AO3 account just so i can be notified when the next chapter is released.

An amazing read for any 40k fan

I want to draw so many scenes from this fic but I can't pick one

Ok I'll stop writing

C ya

[dreanner95]

The Yasha Origin comic has made me think about her as a character again. After C2 ended, I knew I liked her. I loved every moment she was a part of but the moments she wasn’t a part of stopped her from being on the higher end of my favorite character list (don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike any C2 character. I just like some more than others). But having now the context of her backstory, knowing how Zuala was like and also remembering Ashley talking about why Yasha left the group so often ealry in the campaign and why she was so quiet even when she was around made me realise that she is actually one of my favorite CR characters ever. The reason is that even though she had so little screentime, she is a really well rounded character.

She was an orphan who was coerced into a position in the Dolorav tribe and after she killed her first tormenter who murdered her wife she ran into Obann. Most of her life was about blindly following someone else. Even her early days with the Stormlord were the same. The Stormlord just happened to not want to use her blind faith. So her having lost the one person that meant something to her meant it would be hard for her to get close to other people. And even after she met Molly, she still went out on her own, probably thinking she was doing the Stormlords bidding. Instead she just wanted to be alone and prevent herself to get too close to Molly. She did the same after meeting the Mighty Nein. And then she lost Molly. After grieving on her own she found her way back to them (due to the Stormlord’s visions. Maybe he wanted her to reunite with the M9?). She stopped going away on her own but she didn’t talk much because even if she couldn’t be alone, she still didn’t want to get too close to anyone else. But before she could heal enough to be more open, Obann found her.

Having Ashley being not always there during the period after Molly died up until Obann took her and her being permantly back after Yasha was rescued worked so well. Because after Obann died she overcame the last obstacle to finally be able to heal and be more open. We got to see her rebuilding her relationships with the M9 (Beau especially), we saw her more lighthearted side come out and we saw her being able to move one little by little. That is much more impactfull with the Metaknowledge of Ashley finally being able to stay.

I used to think that Ashley not being there for most of the games made Yasha a less rounded character. But instead her absences and silcence contributed to build her character into what she is. The comic helped with that by building up her initial mindset and developing Zuala from an ideal into her own character.

[flurry-of-beaus-pop-pop]

Things I’m still not over from last night’s Talks Machina with Ashley and Marisha:

Marisha talking about how her plan for Beau going into Campaign 2 was to not have the monk romantically attached to anyone, a plan which went out the window in episode 1, the second Yasha was introduced. This is made even better by the fact that Beau and Yasha are now in love and together. 

Marisha and Ashley talking about they both had more things planned to talk about on the date that they didn’t get to, which means that we will hopefully get more deep conversations between these two in the future (we better, because I need to know what they were going to talk about)

Marisha and Ashley both talking about how their favorite moment was that end scene of the date where Beau confesses her love for Yasha, but not because of Beau confessing her love to Yasha, but because Marisha just m e l t e d when she was like “hey” and Ashley hit her with that smolder

Marisha talking about how she was going to ask Yasha about her relationship with the Stormlord on the date, which I love, because no one has really talked to her about it before and I LOVE that Ashley wants to explore that more and hopefully, Beau can be someone that can be there with her during that journey, even if it’s just for Yasha to have someone to talk to

Marisha and Ashley both being HELLA nervous for the date, which is awesome, because it just shows you how much they care about these characters

Marisha talking about how Liam’s reaction to her desire to have ninja dogs was identical to Caleb’s but how Marisha was not negotiating on that because her vision was “Yasha naked covered in puppies”

Ashley providing more insight into to the fact that Yasha was keeping her distance from Beau because she felt like she was somehow the link between Lucien and Beau based on her history with being mind controlled, which absolutely DESTROYED ME. 

Ashley talking about how Yasha was absolutely terrified of the eyes that were appearing on Beau and Caleb because they knew so little, but all she knew was that she couldn’t lose another person she loved. 

Ashley talking about how she went into Campaign 2 making the decision that Yasha wouldn’t have a purpose, at least not at that point, and that would be a journey she would have to go on to find that purpose.

Ashley talking about how right now, Yasha feels like her purpose is to protect those that she loves, but also hinting at the fact that this isn’t necessarily something she can always control (i.e. she can’t always protect everyone which means I will not be able to handle it if something happens to someone and Yasha blames herself, especially if that someone is Beau)

Marisha’s “yes she does” with a suggestive smirk when Ashley talked about how Yasha has more to offer than just protection

Ashley talking about how Yasha would have only faltered in her hopes that Molly was still somewhere inside of Lucien when Lucien suggested they just leave Beau behind and that had she had her weapons, she probably would have tried to kill him right then and there (absolutely love this tidbit because we know that Yasha feels like she has left people she loved behind before so the fact that she was so outraged at this suggestion that she would have tried to kill Lucien is PERFECT)

Literally everything about Marisha’s thoughts on the Colbalt Soul actually doing something about her abuse and how her expectations of that storyline just never being resolved are based on the tendency for abuse victims to essentially just be ignored to the point where we, as humans, just don’t expect these things to ever be resolved

Ashley confirming that she was in the process of making a daisy crown for Beau

Ashley talking about how impressed Yasha was with Kima and Allura and their relationship as an example of a relationship that works, which kills me because you know Yasha be thinking “I can have this with Beau one day”

Literally everything else because this entire episode was GOLDEN. 

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E127 (March 2, 2021)

Tonight’s guests are, of course, Ashley Johnson and Marisha Ray!

Marisha, on her thought process behind the date: “It was a fascinating study on designing something with another player in trying to navigating how to do that in a way that makes sense and wouldn’t be too metagamey or overly scripted or anything like that. I had a bunch of ideas thought out, then I just typed it out and sent it over to him, and then he interpreted it as such.” Liam had ideas, but Marisha wanted him to keep the details a surprise. The theme of “let’s start over” was the leading motif for the design. Three acts: pre-game cocktails at the Nestled Nook, picnic in a field of Xhorhasian wildflowers, and then close it with after-dinner drinks and hot tub at the Steam’s Respite. And the very last thing was “and all the cats were dogs”. Brian: “What was his response to that?” Marisha: “He texted me and was like, ‘Are you serious or is this dog thing a joke?’”

Ashley is asked what it was like to know it was coming but not know the specifics. “For both of us, I don’t think we thought it was going to be right then. I think because it’s been so long in the relationship between Beau and Yasha and it felt like such a natural progression for the two of them, and they’re both awkward together. I think there was something to just being thrown into it.” She spent time thinking about what things Yasha would talk to Beau about on a date. “We got to maybe one of them. It was just so fun! Exploring romance in D&D can be super weird, especially when you’re streaming. But it felt like that’s where our characters were going. There was that excitement of trying something that is out of my comfort zone, and I think so much of Marisha was part of that, as being the initiator as Beau, where I was like, okay, this is where it’s going it. Let’s do it, let’s see what happens!” She mentions how “fun and freeing” it is to trust your improv partner in something like this.

Marisha: “I just wanted Beau to be a fuckboi!” But she highlights that it’s hard to deny the deeper connections that come up in D&D scenarios. “They’ve been with each other through so much that it’s difficult to deny when those bonds start to happen.” She texted Liam in a panic before the game. “What do I wear? And he said, ‘In the game or in real life?’ Both!”

Marisha was expecting a Sam curveball at some point. “My/Beau’s reaction of ‘I love you!’ was pretty accurate. She does care! She’s not just  a troll trying to ruin our shit.”

Marisha on Yasha liking dogs: “I clocked that shit when you bought a dog figurine.” She keeps notes about all the members of the party when they reveal things like that.

Ashley has started taking more detailed notes, partly to play catch-up for events she may have missed earlier. “Turns out, notes are very helpful and can help you in your RPing!”

Favorite parts? Marisha: “The fade-to-black moment at the very end, and I think it’s because Ashley’s eyes--maybe this is going to get weird--we had this moment where we were in the hot tub at the end, and I looked over and was like, ‘hey’, and you looked over and were like, ‘hey’, and I was just dead. I will never forget the look on Ashley’s face. There was just a pure moment.” Ashley: “That’s so funny, because I was going to talk about this one moment with Marisha. It’s just clicking into the scene and clicking into the moment.” Marisha talks about how the moments associated with the game have real, tangible emotional connections. Brian highlights that the emotional side of things is what you remember the most after the campaign is done.

Character thoughts on Kima? Marisha: “I was like, step on me! Please! Both of you! We’d be friends.” Ashley: “It’s also that nostalgia that feels so good at the table. These characters we know and love are still living and breathing and happy together and just kicking ass. For Yasha it was an amazing example of a relationship that works in this world, and something beautiful that these people who are different but are connecting. It was a lot of-- it was cool. I think Yasha’s a very big fan of Kima and Allura. When she gave over the sword, Travis texted me and was like, it’s the Holy Avenger. Looking it up and talking about it, it was like, holy mackerel, this sword is insane. But there’s going to have to be some conversations had to attune with the sword. But I like that Matt presented that challenge, that this isn’t necessarily in your class, but let’s do some RP and see what happens.”

Where’s Yasha at with the Stormlord right now? “I’m curious to explore that more, but knowing that the Stormlord was the first person to bring her back to her own will, of pulling her out of whatever was happening with Oban and the Laughing Hand for however long. It’s also weird to see the relationship that the clerics have, and I think Yasha’s still figuring out how to be her own person, but also... not serving somebody, but still trying to figure out that relationship with her god. But again, he saved her from a very, very dark place, and I think that’s something she values and holds on to.”

Cosplay of the Week: An amazing Essek! (Blushingvioletcosplay on Instagram)

How is Beau handling the Eyes? “All the theories! It’s hard for it to not feel like a ticking time bomb. I always have to try and separate my theories from Beau’s theories. That’s acting and shit. I, Marisha, am very interested if I can somehow utilize this to our advantage. Beau, also interested but simultaneously terrified that it might be a bad idea and I might just get further initiated. When it comes to Matt, you know there’s always something more lurking underneath all of this. As players it’s kind of our job to navigate that.”

How about Yasha? “I think it’s one of the things that didn’t really come up in the date, which is funny, because it’s something I was thinking about. Me as a player, that’s something I’m extremely stressed about. We don’t know what’s going to happen. We kind of got into it, but I think the fact that Lucien was listening, and the Eyes, I think it made me as a player as Yasha very nervous about interacting with Beau, because I don’t know what they’re picking up on. There’s so much we don’t know, and Lucien is so confusing, and the Eyes, and with Matt... we don’t know! It’s a point of extreme concern for Yasha, especially someone that she has feelings for and cares about, it’s an extra level of I don’t know what this means and I can’t lose this person, but I need to protect at all costs.”

What was it like for Beau to discover that Dairon and the Soul not only listened but took action? “That moment was so deeply powerful. Honestly, I was just as taken aback as Beau was. I never in both mine or Beau’s thought process did I think Matt would take action in that way, or that would ever be handled. And I think that’s what makes it so emotional. You condition yourself to think these things just happen, so much so that they permeate your D&D game. So rarely do abusers get held accountable for their actions. What was powerful about it was that he was, and other people cared. That alone was so emotionally impactful, and I was completely thrown by it. I feel like I had to walk away from that situation kind of unpacking those things. What does that say, what does that mean? Same thing for Beau, where the cycle of abuse has happened repeatedly to her with no repercussions to anyone who’s causing it. It’s why she’s always had a weird tenuous relationship with the Soul. It throws you into these layers of reconciliation and thought. I didn’t think this was going to be addressed. What does that say about society? So many different layers to peel back. It all speaks to so many real-life experiences that happen every damn day to so many people. There’s not many examples in media of abusers getting handled, and especially not in a way that’s not some sort of device to motivate somebody.” She highlights how rare it is that the abuser was handled without pulling the victim into the mess. I’m definitely not doing what she’s saying justice with my speed-typing.

How is Yasha feeling about solidifying her identity as a protector? “Putting together this character and starting to play as her, there was a part of me that wanted-- when I work on characters, you go through the list of questions you have as an actor, what’s your motivation and all that stuff. But I very much wanted to see if I could have a character that doesn’t necessarily know what their purpose is, because I feel like a lot of people feel that way. I think when we see movies or TV shows, there’s always a character who says, I know what my purpose is. I wanted to explore what it meant to not know what that is. I left that open with Yasha, and I didn’t want to set that for her, because I thought that was an interesting thing. I still like that idea, but in the conversation with Beau and knowing the date was coming up, there were a lot of internal conversations I was having of how is Yasha feeling in this moment. At the end of the day, I feel that’s a very solid purpose for Yasha in this moment, of all I can really provide is protection - and of course she can provide more than that. But now I’m just, yeah, I think protection for her is the best way she knows how to describe her purpose.” Brian: “And once we arrive there, the goal is to find a greater purpose, to be of service.” Ashley has tied in Yasha’s protectiveness with her grappling with loss.

Fan art of the week: A second amazing Essek! (by Saturday_sky)

Thoughts on the amulets: set-up or bad luck? Ashley: “I thought they were a set-up!” Marisha: “I think [Astrid’s] an opportunist. But I think it’d be much more convenient if anyone other than her killed Trent. To what end, I don’t know.” Ashley: “Me, personally, how I interpreted her crying in that alleyway, I felt like she was crying because of a betrayal. But I don’t know! I think she definitely cares for Caleb.” Marisha: “I also got betrayal tears. That felt like guilt-crying to me.” Brian: “I don’t like any of this.”

What prompted Beau going full assassin? “If they were to get in and out and I could have jumped over that tower without killing that guy, I would have.” She didn’t have a lot of options as a monk and not a rogue assassin, but needed a quick and quiet way to get him out of the way. “I went through so many ideas in my head. I thought of an idea to dump all of the ball bearings under him, then light fireworks” to try to get him to fall off the edge.

Is Yasha’s hope for Molly still alive? “Yes. I think that because Yasha has been on the other end of doing terrible things under someone else’s influence, she has a lot of forgiveness for people. At this point, of course, it’s hope that he’ll come back or have some type of recognition of his life as Molly. There’s a lot of questions. I don’t think she’ll ever give up on him.” The only moment of hesitation was when Lucien was cool with Gelidon leaving with Beau.

How are they feeling about their odds? Ashley: “I feel really great about the ideas that the group has to get out of tricky situations. This one I’m nervous about.” Marisha: “I agree. We have our little side player thread, minus Matt, and I don’t see how we’re getting out of this without some sort of compromise that’s not necessarily in our favor. I think we’re going to get out of it, but I don’t think we’re going to get out of it completely.”

Ashley didn’t tell Brian about the date after the episode ended, but wound up blurting it out right before he was about to watch the episode for Talks.

[saphirered]

The M9 (including storm sorcerer) + Verin are in a fight of some sort against a common enemy and things aren't look that good, they're hurt and tired but suddenly sorcerer releases this huge burst of energy and summons a full on storm while looking like Storm from the X-Men. After everything calms down Verin joking says that they might be "the child of the StormLord" (after he picks up his jaw off the ground ) or something like that! Sorry if this is a little long, i really like this sub class!

Here it is and thank you for sending in the request again. I hope it was worth the wait! 😘

Sometimes trouble follows the Mighty Nein, and by default anyone who decides it’s a good idea to join them for some fun adventures. Sometimes that trouble is easily dealt with or avoided. Other times it is in fact not and leads to Verin regretting his decision of accepting to tag along with this merry band of adventurers. That regret is also easily remedied by just taking a single look at you. There’s something so unique about your magic and how you wield it it’s been more times that he’d like to admit he actually took a hit only because he was paying a little too much attention to you casting your spells and calling upon that innate magic that resides within you.

Though, this time Verin still questions ever choice he’s ever made in his life and wondering what deity he must have royally pissed off to land him here. When the Nein jokingly mentioned maybe an ancient white scaled friend would show up again when you traveled to the ruins of Aeor for a good old dungeon crawl, he really thought it was but a joke. Turns out it is not. It is very real. That dragon trying to bite his head off and turn him into her next meal is very very real. And it is at this point Verin will refuse to go on another adventure with the Nein unless he asks a very specific set of questions; ‘will we be chased by a dragon’ being high on that priority list. When he mentioned this fact and setting up a questionnaire for future use, your comment of ‘just dragons’ didn’t help with his worries. How many ancient vengeful creatures are hunting you exactly? It feels like that’s an important question to ask…

Nevertheless, a fight it’s gotten to and the Mighty Nein, was holding themselves well… for a while… But Gelidon’s relentless ice breath striking down trice now, has the majority looking a little worse for wear, some of them even having fallen unconscious. Were it not for the healers among the group Verin is sure there might have been a good amount of casualties by this point. He’d been getting in the fray, swinging his sword, cutting through the dense hide of the dragon and while it was clear Gelidon felt the blows they all delivered, it was still a question of who is going to outlast who.

A bolt of lightning strikes out from your hand, frustration growing more and more, as you use your other hand to wipe way the blood from your nose. You’d already gotten swiped by Gelidon’s tail twice now, despite your efforts to avoid the hit. You’re just lucky you weren’t in the air already or she’d have swatted you like a fly. The lighting strikes true, and the dragon roars in frustration equal to your own as she turns her attention to you, snarling, sharp teeth visible.

“Oh would you just die already!” You exclaim as the dragon begins to make her way over to you, setting her sights on you as her next meal but you won’t go down without a fight that’s for sure. Face to face she bites down upon you but with a quick casting of your shield spell, her teeth are unable to pierce through the magical barrier. She swings with her claws, trying to break through that barrier but it holds. Though with the last hit you’re not so lucky. The claws strike down once more and pierce through your magical shield, cutting through skin and cloth and it hurts like hell. Your skin is burning but you’ve got trouble discerning if this is from the pain or freezing cold, so cold it burns be it from the frigid cold of your surroundings or that of Gelidon’s sharp icy claws.

“You’ve been a nuisance for long enough.” She’s cut short, sentence ending in a screech as you see Verin, unleashing a fury of attacks at the claw that hit you, while Caleb unleashes a fireball from the skies upon the dragon’s back. Surrounded once more you’re less interesting of a target while she remains on the icy grounds. So with a beat of her wings you’re knocked over and sent flying, Caleb’s knocked back and Veth who’d been hiding under the dragon is sent sliding across the ice. Beau decides it’s not worth hanging onto the scales anymore and drops down, caught by Jester who immediately heals some of the damage the monk had taken earlier and hands her over to Yasha. Caduceus pats Essek on the back providing healing of his own, as the mage tries to contain the airborne dragon but she escapes while Fjord kicks off flying up, Starrazor at the ready. Despite the spell’s failure he still goes for the attack but exactly the fate you’d managed to somewhat avoid is not as forgiving for Fjord as he’s swatted back to the ground, tumbling.

Verin is instantly at your side, helping you to your feet, quickly glancing over your injuries. It’s not great, but also not the worst out of everyone. That doesn’t make him any less concerned because you look about one hard hit away from collapsing. And just like that Gelidon takes in a sharp breath, intending to make good on her words unleashing a storm of frost and ice upon the group, few manage to escape the attack. Verin shields you from the majority of the damage, but can’t keep you safe from all of it.

Black spots dance in your vision, and the icy cold burn sets in heavier, your teeth clattering and you’re fighting to stay conscious. Just barely do you manage to do so, clinging on what little warmth Verin provides, you’re not ashamed to admit, and by the tightness of his grip you can tell it’s very much a shared sentiment. Within you you feel energy crackle, muscles of your limbs pulling taught almost painfully as it runs through your body. Your hair and whatever loose garments you wear beginning to defy gravity. Static energy flowing, as your eyes shift to a cloudy grey with crackling purple running through them. The clouds above pull in, and down, the sky growing darker and darker mimicking your eyes. You push away from Verin’s warm embrace, your touch like a static shock, you’re sure and you send him an apologetic look before focusing your eyes on the dragon in the sky.

“You picked the wrong fight, you scaly bastard!” You shout over the wind picking up, your own voice the magnitude of thunder roaring through the skies. You lightly kick off letting the wind surround you, carry you up. Raising your fingers to the sky you snap, lightning striking down. You can see Gelidon struggle against the storm calling to you, wishing nothing more than to become one with whatever blessings or curses of old might have taken hold over your being when this power found you. The first strike of lightning, just barely misses the dragon. A warning shot.

The others stand by watching you in awe. Some had seen you unleash that power that threatened to tear down all around you in a fury of gales, rain and lightning, but never to this extend. This was new and where exactly this came from, they don’t know, Verin least of all. You look like a deity, tempestuous in nature, crackling through a humanoid form, both frightening and well, divine. In awe he watches as you point your fingers out at the dragon, snapping them together once more and this time lightning strikes true, shocking through the creature, carrying over the scales, and through the body. Gelidon roars in pain. You clasp your hands together, wind blows so strong it catches on the dragon’s wings sending her flying back, crashing into the icy ground beneath, like she’d done to you and your friends multiple times now. Payback is sweet and the irony of it does not forgo you even in this state.

You’re struggling to keep it at bay, to unleash a storm and the gusts you let Gelidon drag away, you’re struggling to avoid condemning your friends to a similar fate. You crack one last lighting blast directly at the dragon, not able to keep going. When it doesn’t end the dragon, you still feel secure enough to leave her be and let her crawl back to the hole she came from mangled and broken. That single hint of fear in her eyes is enough to confirm it and you let the wind subside just slightly, allowing it to aid her away and back where she came from. Once you feel safe to do so, you let it subside fully, your feet touching the ground once more, the rumbling of thunder fading slowly, and the lightning crackling within the clouds disappearing little by little as the clouds dissipate. The energy still trickles within your veins when you drop to the ground allowing yourself to fall backwards in the snow to catch your breath, the static running through you distracting you from the freezing cold.

Rushing over to you, you’re quickly surrounded by the others, looking down upon you. Caduceus is first to respond, healing the injuries you sustained and returning feeling to your body. You catch on to the fine hairs across his skin raising, and the pink strands growing wispier than usual, proof of the lightning still coursing through your body and requiring some caution, lest someone wants to get blasted by a high voltage shock. A nod of his head you’re all good is enough to send the others in a cheering fit over the defeat of the dragon as well as the need for you to get to your feet because better leave quickly before Gelidon has the time to recover and finish what she started when you’re all out of juice too. Rather not wanting to get into another fight with that dragon you oblige and before you know it you’re ready to go. Verin sticks to your side, draping his arm over your shoulders and wrapping you up in his cloak with him to preserve your warmth best possible. You find yourself leaning into his body a little and definitely don’t have anything to complain about grasping onto the fur lining of the cloak pulling it tighter as you fall a little bit behind the others.

“So when were you going to tell me of your familial ties to Kord?” Verin smiles eyes on you, eyebrow raised. When you give him a look and don’t answer he nudges your side making you jump and pull in even closer to his side.

“Then again, you’ve always had a tempestuous streak to you so maybe its on me for not noticing sooner?” With that you do not hesitate to release a harmless crackle of energy, while you do, lightning strikes in the distant mountains. Eyes of the group immediately turn to you, followed by a string of comments you roll your eyes at as you keep walking.

“Oh shut up you or I’ll show you exactly how tempestuous I can be.” You’re about to release another shock, your fingers moving in that specific pattern against his side, but Verin grabs your hand before you can finish it, lacing his fingers with yours.

“Is that a challenge?” He grins as you give him an innocent look, halting your step for a brief moment. He follows suit and turns to face you as your expression is just exactly that; a challenge.

“That depends entirely on you, darling.” You lift your fingers from the warm interior of the cloak and dance them across his cheek, trickles of that energy running through from you to him, not painfully so but definitely present. Challenge accepted he grasps your fingers again, bringing them to his lips and placing a featherlight kiss upon them. Then, he lets go, arm wrapping around your shoulders once more to properly drape the cloak around the both of you, and you continue following behind the others.

[intergalacticwanderer]

It happened faster than any of them could react.

Overall, things had been going well. The sea monsters were on their last legs, they had the numbers with all of the Mighty Nein present, and it was only a matter of time before they’d come out on the other side. But in combat mere seconds can make all of the difference and one monster slipped through at just the wrong place and time, burying its claws into Kingsley’s back.

He swore, blood bursting from his neck and the monster’s eyes bleeding black, but it wasn't enough, the monster digging the claws in deeper and dragging him off of the ship, two of them going over the rail and into the ocean. He heard someone screaming his name, muffled through the water - and then the claws found his throat, and he didn't hear anything at all.

But something else started to happen.

He didn't know where he was. He knew, at the very least, that he wasn't in the ocean, his surroundings too indistinct and no longer able to feel the water around him. But even with being able to tell where he wasn’t, that still didn’t tell him anything about where he was. In fact, the only source of light Kingsley could see was - himself?

He looked down, startled, and saw that his own form seemed to be made of softly glowing light, a strange in between of tangible and intangible, floating in place. He... he didn’t understand. What was this? Kingsley raised a hand, both confused and awed at the sight.

The fingers began to disintegrate right in front of him.

He recoiled at the sight and the hand - HIS hand - broke apart even further, the once distinct outline now breaking into individual motes of light that slowly drifted away. He scrabbled with his other hand, as if to try and staunch a bleeding wound, but all that did was scatter the remaining bit of light from the hand even faster and he yanked his arm back. To his horror it was happening on other parts of his body as well, chunks carving out and being eaten away, motes continuing to drift, like paper burning into embers, or scattering sea foam, or or or - It felt like he should be hyperventilating. Was he hyperventilating? There wasn’t any sound, he couldn’t tell, could he even-?

Kingsley tried to hold on to his thoughts but they began to disintegrate too, and that realization, the fact that he could feel that happening, sent a bolt of terror through him even greater than the sight of what was happening to his body. He twisted in place, panic rising higher and higher as his body continued to disintegrate, looking for something, anything around him, but. Nothing.

The remaining parts of his legs and tail separated from his torso, stomach now gone, and while it felt like there should have been sound it continued to be completely silent, his thoughts reeling and disoriented as the parts spun away, quickly dissolving and scattering. What was- he couldn’t- who-

Further light scattered and so did his memories. His thoughts. His name. He drifted, motes rising up from near his eyes. Something from eyes. Tears? He didn’t know. Couldn't know. He was small, getting smaller, too small, no stop pleasenoPLEASESTOPNOPLEASE-

Sensation and clarity of thought slammed into him.

Kingsley (Kingsley!) gasped in a breath of air, coughing and shuddering. He was cold. Wet. Someone was holding him, cradling him between arms, one under his shoulders, the other under his knees, and his tail was dangling, limp. He blinked open his eyes. Two faces were directly above him, and there were glimpses of others in his peripheral, just out of direct sight but hovering close. The first face he could see was Fjord, wet hair clinging to his face and breathing heavily. He... he was the one holding him, wasn’t he. The second was Jester, shaking hands hovering over his chest and a faint shimmer fading from the air. He met her eyes.

“Jester...?”

A sharp inhale, and then a laugh, which turned into a heavy, wracking sob, and Jester buried her face into his chest and continued to cry. Others poured in then, crowding close with words of worry and comfort, but Kingsley barely heard them, still too stunned and numb from all that had just happened, and he didn’t react at all.

***

Over the next few days, Kingsley found himself in the company of at least one other member of the Mighty Nein at all times.

Fjord asked him for more advice and assistance around the ship. Jester sought him out even more than normal to ask about drawings, or tattoo ideas, or ship gossip. Caduceus invited him meditate. Caleb and Essek just happened to read their books nearby. Beau dragged him along to sparring practice, his complaints that he didn't even fight hand to hand normally falling on deaf ears. Yasha ended up clinging to him during sleep (though, in that case, he had been the one to initiate at least half of those). And Veth - well, he was pretty sure Veth was just straight up spying on him, but he didn't really begrudge her that.

Usually, Kingsley would have found the hovering his friends were doing to be suffocating, but this time? He sought their company right back, determined to not be alone.

There was no way around it - he had died. Full stop. That would have been bad enough on it's own but of course he had an... interesting relationship with death and revival, and it didn’t escape him that Jester had only started crying once he’d said her name. Like she’d been waiting to hear what his first word would be.

Wondering if that word was going to be “empty.”

He couldn’t tell if that made him feel better or worse. Better because they obviously cared about him, wanted him to be okay and to be the one to come back. Worse, because, well. Last time he’d been the one to come back saying empty. And they had to have gotten that fear from somewhere.

He sighed, pulling the blanket around his shoulders closer as he sat on the deck, watching the bright light of Catha above in the sky. Everyone was out on the deck at that moment, quietly talking after a late night meal and Caleb's dancing lights softly illuminating things along with the moonlight.

The main thing eating at him was the time in between falling into the ocean and the revivify spell, and he shuddered involuntarily at his mind’s word choice. He still didn't understand what that had been, but whatever it was it’d been terrifying, too strange to fall under normal experience and too vivid to “just” be a strange dream. The closest thing he had... his fingers tightened on his blanket. His reoccurring dream- nightmare- memory. Fighting in Cognouza, fighting back against Lucien, breaking free. Drifting away with hundreds of other lights. Drifting...

“Can I ask you all a question?”

Eight other heads turned to him, conversations stopping, and he had to fight to not shrink away. He was the one who’d asked.

“Kind of a morbid one but, wondering about who else has died here. You all know a lot more than me right now.”

He knew of a few past deaths. Glory Run Road. Those in... Cognouza. He wasn’t particularly fond of thinking about any of those from his perspective, however. Better to hear stories from others.

Several of them glanced between each other. Essek was the first to speak up.

“Personally, I have been lucky enough to not require any resurrection magic, and I hope it will remain that way in the future. I believe the same is true for Beauregard?”

Beau nodded. “Yeah. It’s gotten close a couple times but I’ve never actually died. Still kinda shocked at that, honestly.”

“I think I’ve died in a dream? Or maybe it was a vision...?” Yasha said, and when she got multiple confused looks she shrugged. “It was a trial from the Stormlord? I’m not really sure if it counts.”

“Let’s call it an in between,” Kingsley said.

“There’s the time I drowned and came back as a goblin,” Veth said quietly and the mood immediately dropped. She took a long drink from her cup. “And I guess there was also that time in the Happy Fun Ball.”

“Which is why we always check for traps,” Caleb said, giving her a pointed look.

Veth waved a hand in the air. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“Checking blast radius is also important,” Caduceus said, sipping on his cup of tea. “I was too close to an exploding crossbow bolt once,” Caduceus said matter of fact, and Kingsley was gobsmacked at how serene Caduceus was at having literally been blown up. Then again, it was Caduceus, so he shouldn't be that surprised.

Veth bristled. “Hey!”

“Not assigning any blame, just stating what happened,” Caduceus said and he took another sip.

Three people left, and he already knew what the answer could be from two of them. Jester met his eyes and he gave her a little nod. He was okay with them talking about it.

“The only one I’ve had was when we were fighting Lucien,” Jester said, hands resting in her lap. “It happened really fast, but Caduceus got me back up, and Fjord protected both of us. It was still pretty scary, though.”

“I also went down to Lucien, but later in the fight,” Caleb said. Essek looked particularly miserable at the reminder and Caleb gave him a squeeze on the shoulder. “But the Mighty Nein does not leave anyone behind, so I was okay. And the same is true for you,” Caleb said, giving Kingsley a meaningful look and a nod.

Kingsley nodded back, relieved both at the reassurance and the reminder that they never considered him to be the same as Lucien. Sometimes that was enough against the images of them lifeless below him.

(Sometimes.)

Fjord was the last one left, and he downed the rest of his drink before looking Kingsley directly in the eye.

“I died the first time we were attacked by Uk’otoa’s minions.”

Kingsley gave a start. “Wait, really?”

Fjord nodded. “Really.”

“But- that doesn't make sense.” Fjord was the captain and Uk’otoa attacks, those were just- they were just a thing. An annoying and very dangerous thing, sure, but what had happened to him, that was his fault, he hadn't been careful enough, or-

“Kingsley.”

Fjord still held his gaze, not looking away. “What happened the other day is not your fault. If anything, it’s mine.”

“It totally is,” Veth added in and Fjord sighed.

“Regardless, don't blame yourself. I died to just the same thing and it can happen to any of us. And taking care of this problem is why we’re all on the ship right now anyway.”

“Cheers to that,” Beau said, raising her cup in a toast. “I’ve had enough murder fish for my lifetime.”

There was murmured agreement around the group, several others draining their cups and Kingsley staring at the bottom of his when he finished. So that was six. Two thirds of the Mighty Nein had died at least once, himself included, and Fjord even had a similar cause of death to this last time. Definitely not alone. And yet...

“Do you remember anything? From when you died?”

He didn't look up from his cup but he could just imagine the amount of eyes that would be staring at him right now. Whatever, it was already out there.

“A little,” Fjord said. “Mostly just that it was cold, and feeling scared, but...” Fjord’s voice softened and Kingsley looked over at the change in tone. “I also feel like the Wildmother would have been there to catch me. And that’s comforting in its own way.”

Kingsley nodded, mind going back to the scent of a warm sea breeze. Even though he wasn't a follower himself he knew of the comfort that Fjord spoke of.

Which just made him feel even more miserable in that moment.

“So... nothing else? No kind of visions or anything?” No disintegrating and losing everything while completely alone? His voice cracked a little, no longer able to hide his anxiety.

“Nothing in particular.” Fjord frowned. “...are you alright, Kingsley?”

“... not really, no.” He was too worn out to lie at this point and he hunched over, pulling his blanket even tighter.

“Is that what happened to you Kingsley? A vision?” Jester asked.

“Yes? Maybe? I don’t know, vision isn't quite right, but- I don't know.”

“Well, how would you describe it?”

An involuntary shiver ran up his spine. “An experience, I guess? But not a good one, and if anyone ever tried to sell me that kind of ‘experience’ I’d straight up stab them.”

Kingsley went to take a drink before remembering he’d already finished his and he scowled at his empty cup. Caduceus passed over another one without a word and Kingsley murmured a small thanks, taking a long drink to wet his suddenly dry throat.

“I was made out of light or something like that? But-” His throat closed up and he had to loudly clear it to keep going. “I started to disappear. Like I was just a bunch of dandelion fluff and-” he mimed an explosion with his fingers- “poof. Just blowing away. And it wasn't just my body, it was my memories too. I think Jester got me just in time.” It took a moment for him to realize he was shaking.

“C'mere,” Yasha said quietly, moving closer and holding out an arm, Kingsley almost falling into her side and curling close. She held him in her arm and rubbed his shoulder, his shaking slowly subsiding. There was a stunned silence for several moments.

“What the fuck,” Beau breathed out, finally breaking the silence. “That’s so fucked up.”

“And concerning,” Essek said, a curled finger hovering over his mouth. “I have never heard of anything similar, even in death accounts from consecuted individuals. Caduceus?”

“I also have no idea,” Caduceus said, frowning. “Either way, that doesn't sound like how it should go. Not to me at least.”

“Or me,” Veth said, eyes wide. “Dying’s bad enough, that’s- that’s just excessive!”

“This isn’t exactly making me feel better,” Kingsley grumbled. Sure, it was commiserating, but mostly it was just reminding him of how alone he was with what happened.

Yasha squeezed his shoulder. “Well, what would make you feel better?”

“Answers,” Kingsley said without hesitation. “Just... what the hell that was. Or why it happened. Just something.” He curled further into Yasha’s side, his head and tail now the only things peeking out from under the blanket.

“I can research, but it will have to be after the voyage,” Caleb said. “I do not have a personal archive unfortunately.”

“Yet,” Essek added on, giving Caleb a quick smile. “My ability to help is limited but I could still assist with some of this research.”

“And I’ve got the Cobalt Soul stuff of course,” Beau said. “So, definitely a more long term thing but we’ll find out what we can.”

“Thanks guys,” Kingsley said quietly. He wasn’t a fan of the wait but just the chance of answers and the fact they were willing to do it still meant a lot.

All through this Fjord had had a hand on his chin, contemplative, and he looked over at both Jester and Caduceus. “Maybe you two could ask for some godly input? It’s worked before and it shouldn’t hurt at least.”

Caduceus nodded “I say it’d be worth trying out.”

Jester nodded as well. “Yeah! It’d be nice if we could get some answers right away. You want us to give it a shot Kingsley?”

“Please,” he said, latching onto the mention of ‘right away’ and pushing away the small shiver at directly asking the gods for help. That sort of thing was the entire reason he was even alive at all, but even when it was positive the idea of it still freaked him out a little. That didn’t mean he was going to pass up the help however, and he looked at the two of them expectantly.

Jester looked over at Caduceus. “You want me or you to go first?”

Caduceus gestured towards her. “You go ahead.”

“Okay!” Jester said, and Kingsley watched as she brought Sprinkle down from her shoulder and held him in front of her. “Okay Artie, if you’re there, we could really use some answers about what happened to Kingsley, it’d be suuuuper helpful.”

The moment Jester finished speaking Kingsley found himself hit with a sudden wave of tiredness, and as he slipped into sleep at Yasha’s side he saw one last glimpse of Sprinkle’s eyes flashing a brilliant green.

***

The first thing he heard was the quiet shuffling of cards.

He found himself sitting in a room. A tent? The lighting was soft, coming from a few candles scattered around the space and a lantern in the shape of a crescent moon hanging from the ceiling. Colorful cloth was draped from the walls (or was the walls, if the guess about the tent was correct), and while the colors were muted by the low light he saw it was mostly blues and purples, with a splash of red or silver here and there. The sound of shuffling cards came from the back, where a woman sat behind a low table and fanned out a set of cards in front of her, gave a satisfied nod, and shuffled the cards back into the deck, Kingsley catching a brief glimpse of one that said “The Dream” before it disappeared from view.

The woman was wearing a red coat.

She looked up, caught his eye, and smiled. “It has been awhile, has it not?”

Kingsley was unable to speak, heart in his throat but he nodded anyway. He recognized her, would recognize her anywhere, but he had never expected to actually see her again. That dream he’d had in his first day had been precious but fleeting, starting to fade even at the time and he’d resigned himself to never fully knowing what it’d been about. The two parts that had managed to stick with him were the sad angel and the woman in the red coat, and while the angel had been revealed to be Yasha no one had known anything about the woman, and over time he began to wonder if she had been based on an actual person at all. And now here she was.

She placed the deck of cards down on the table and gestured for him to come forward, Kingsley moving up to sit cross legged on a red plush cushion, setting down gingerly and his tail curling up next to him. The fact that he had fallen asleep just before this told him that this should be a dream, but at the same time it felt as if it were something more. Something important. Clasping her hands together on the table she held his gaze, expression serious.

“Normally, I would deliver this kind of message through a reading, to avoid saying too much and to allow ambiguity in the meaning. But what I must say is important enough to be blunt. Your soul is fragile, Kingsley Tealeaf.”

Kingsley swallowed hard. He didn’t know who she was, not really, but absolute truth still rang in her words. “W-what does that mean?”

“In practical terms, returning from death is far more dangerous for you than some of your friends.” She opened up her hands and in between them was a ball of softy glowing light. “If your soul is returned to life quickly enough, as it was this last time, there may not be too many complications. But if you are dead for too long...” At her words the ball of light shuddered and then it scattered just like Kingsley remembered and he flinched back, breathing heavily, having to catch himself on one of his hands as dozens of motes of light rose up around them and then dissipated. She brought her hands back together, looking at him sadly. “I am sorry you had to experience a portion of that. It is not something I would wish on anyone.”

He slowly brought his breathing back under control and righted himself on the cushion, emotions stuck between a giddy rush at the fact that Jester’s intervention seemed to have actually worked and terror at the reminder of what had happened to him. Not to mention that something was wrong with his actual soul itself, so, plenty more potential terror and possible nightmares for him there. But for right now, at least...

“Is there anything I can do to... ‘fix’ my soul? And do you know why it’s like that?”

“For your first question, it will mostly just take time.” She cupped her hands in front of her, smaller motes of light reappearing and coalescing until once again she held a ball of light, and she lifted it up to float above their heads, the space around them now brighter. “The longer it has, the better it will be. It is both as simple and as complicated as that, unfortunately.”

“As for the why...” She spread an arc of cards out on the table with one hand and smoothly flipped them over with a pass from the other, but instead of individual cards it was a picture that continued from one card to the next.

“The journey your soul has gone through is far from normal. In fact, some would say it is astonishing that it exists at all.” She trailed her finger along the edge of the card created artwork, narrating as she did so.

“Your soul began with the sundering of a different soul, life springing from death when none should have been there.” A body pulling itself halfway out of a grave, hands scrabbling on the ground, red eyes shining in the face but also on the body. “This soul fragment may have started as just one piece of a larger whole, but something important happened. It changed. And it grew.” Hands helping the purple tiefling to stand, him walking forward and gaining additional color and vitality with each step. Tattoos, jewelry, vibrant clothes, the gaudiest coat imaginable. A bright and happy smile. “The love and experiences your soul had, both good and bad, allowed it to become a full soul in its own right, separate from where it came from.” Helping out at a circus, performing. Blood flashing along blades and becoming ice in an early taste of combat. Sitting side by side, content, with a certain aasimar. Riding along in a cart with the aasimar and five other individuals, sun low on the horizon. “And then... an end.” Blood stains on snow by a road. A coat placed on a staff, fluttering in the wind. “But not the end.”

A new arc of cards was laid down and revealed below the first, with a new artwork. “The soul that yours originally came from was brought back, and it had forcibly reclaimed your soul.” Four figures standing next to an empty grave, the body of the purple tiefling rising into the air and surrounded by magic. “At first, it seemed that your soul had been subsumed.” The group of five, purple tiefling in the lead, bundled up and trudging through a harsh winter landscape. Bodies left in their wake. “But your soul had become its own, and because of that it could no longer slot neatly into place.” Two tieflings sitting across from each other, one purple, one blue, three tarot cards suspended between them. The purple tiefling standing in front of a circular gate before eight other individuals, many of them from the prior artwork. “Your soul fought back, and it eventually helped to free itself from its prison.” Screaming at those eight from a changed body, nine eye stalks coming from the back. An even more monstrous form, torn in half by its own hands.

One final set of cards was placed. Revealed.

“Your friends then attempted to return your soul. But it failed.”  A body lying on the ground, partially covered by the gaudy coat and bisected by a new scar. Eyes closed. “It took a prayer to the Wildmother and her intervention for it to be successful.” The same body, standing, eyes open, the ground now covered in greenery and flowers. “However, your soul did not come out unscathed. Not broken, or missing parts, but... injured.” The body now shown as an outline, filled with glowing light. Light that was rough around the edges, shot through with spiderweb cracks. “The time it was forcibly shoved in with originating soul, and having to separate itself out from it again, was traumatic.” A large pair of hands, each hand holding a source of light, one angry and boiling, the other small and dimmed, but warm. “Still the same soul, but changed by the experience. Needing time to relearn. And to heal.” The purple tiefling sitting in a lush graveyard garden, surrounded by both flowers and friends. Sailing on a ship, hanging from the rigging and hair tossed in the wind.

She pulled back, resting her hands on the table. “Your soul is whole, and your own, but less... stable under stress, as it were. There is no way to know for sure, since it has not happened, but I suspect that if you were brought back after a longer period of death you would be in a similar state as to when you woke in the city, due to the healing your soul would need again. I do know however that your friends would do everything they could to return you from death.”

“They would,” Kingsley said, without even thinking about it. His attention was still stuck on the cards. The artwork, as stylized as it was, captured a certain life to it. It felt... real. Alive. But at the same time, something felt off. Something missing.

“Kingsley.”

He startled, as if released from a spell, and he closed his eyes and let out a long breath. When he opened his eyes again he saw her giving him a concerned look. “Sorry,” he said quickly. “I, ah. Thank you?”

Her concern didn’t fade.

“Something about this troubles you.” Not a question. A statement of fact.

“Are there other art cards in that deck?” The words spilled out of him. “I mean, they’re gorgeous, and they worked really well, but, are you sure there’s not more?”

She tilted her head, gaze growing sharp.

“There are if you want there to be.”

Something about the way she said that made him pause. He looked down at the cards again. Three rows.

Three names, he realized.

The last one, Kingsley. Him. His body, his soul, himself. The second, Lucien. Most definitely not him, and she had confirmed that as well with differentiating the souls, even with the strange situation of the shared body and his nightmares. And the first... Mollymauk. A different name, a different life, but according to her, the same body. The same soul. His hand gripped his knee, nails digging in.

His soul was his, and Kingsley would fight anyone who implied otherwise or tried to take that away. He knew from experience, however, that he might not have a choice. His eyes lingered on the second set of cards. Flicked to the first for just a moment.

“... maybe not.”

She inclined her head, and nodded. Her hands hovered over the cards and he made a go ahead gesture, and she scooped them up, one, two, three rows, shuffling them back into the deck.

“I admit, I am not accustomed to speaking of things so plainly,” she said lightly as she shuffled the deck. “Partially due to preference, and partially due to limitations I am often bound to. But a prior... interloper decided to facilitate as a way to make amends.” Kingsley saw a flash of another card, this time with a silver dragon, but it was gone too quickly for him to read the title. “It is difficult to judge the character of one such as him, but he was actually the one to ask for help first.” A small laugh. “Luckily for him, this was something I had wished to do anyway. He simply made it easier.”

Kingsley was almost positive the interloper she spoke of was Artagan, but that just raised even more questions. He’d known coming into this that she was mysterious, and that she had to get her answers from somewhere, but the fact that Artagan had been the one to ask her for help?

Another shiver ran through him, even stronger than the one he had pushed away on the ship. Caduceus and Jester would go to their gods when they needed help. So that meant that if one their gods (or sort-of-god, when it came to Artagan) asked someone else for help, that person was...

“I understand if you can’t answer, but. Who are you?”

The shuffling of the cards stopped.

“Do you want to know that answer?”

She was giving him an out. It was probably even a good idea for him to take it.

“Yes.”

He wasn’t going to take it.

She smiled again and set the now shuffled deck down on the table, drawing the top card and handing it to him. Moon and mirror, with the moon facing him, though with one key difference from the card in Jester’s deck - the crescent moon was strung like a bow.

Kingsley stared at the card, heart hammering in his chest.

“...I’m really sorry, but I have no idea what that means.”

She blinked, taken aback, before noticing his slightly manic grin and she burst out laughing.

“I think you almost believed that yourself for a moment,” the Moonweaver said and she graciously accepted the card when Kingsley handed it back to her, him immediately going and sitting on his hands afterwards to hide their shaking. “Unless you’d still prefer for me to say it out loud?”

“Nope, I’m good,” Kingsley said quickly. He was totally good right now, not panicking at all, nope. He got a raised eyebrow at that response, but her smile was still there as well and she didn’t press him.

Kingsley’s leg bounced as she placed the card back into the deck, having to actively work to keep his breathing steady. On some level, he knew that his perspective on the gods and faith was a bit skewed. Fjord sailed the seas with the Wildmother’s blessing. Caduceus had performed literal miracles with the Wildmother’s help (and, once again, one of those was the entire reason he was even alive at all). Yasha was a full fledged champion of the Stormlord. And proper god or not, Jester was still outright friends with Artagan.

In comparison, his own tentative explorations towards faith and the gods had felt like they didn’t really count. He’d learned about the Moonweaver, and her commandments had resonated with him, so he’d decided to follow them. He didn’t actively worship, or ask for blessings, or go out of his way to do things on her behalf. Instead Kingsley mostly just lived his life, sending a small prayer when it felt right and taking some comfort in the light of the moons. That was it. The big stuff, that was what his friends did. They were the ones who...

He looked around at the rest of the tent again, trying to distract himself. With his new knowledge he saw nods to the Moonweaver throughout, most of the decor having been subtle enough on its own to escape attention the first time around, though, okay, maybe the lantern hanging from the ceiling was a bit on the nose. It was an understated but beautiful space, and just one more reminder that he was talking to a literal actual god right now.

Maybe that hadn’t been the best way to try and distract himself.

Her casual comment of ‘something I had wished to do anyway’ spun over and over again in his head, him trying to figure out what the hell that even meant and dread growing at what it could mean. It didn’t make sense. Why-

“Why me?”

He’d just said that out loud. Fuck.

Kingsley looked back to her and nearly jumped when he realized that she’d been staring at him the entire time, swearing several more times in his head and wondering if he’d just pissed her off. But instead of anger her expression was soft.

“Why not you?”

Whatever he’d expected to hear, it hadn’t been that.

His brain stalled. There were so many things he wanted to say in response. So many things he knew he should NOT say in response. But she hadn’t said anything else yet, simply watching him and her hands resting on the table. He slumped, bringing his hands back to his lap.

“Because I’m not actually who you think I am?”

That got him another raised eyebrow, but this time there was no accompanying smile, and he quickly continued. “I know I’ve met you before, in that dream, but that wasn’t- I wasn’t even me yet. I didn’t know who I was s-so it makes sense that you were there for someone else.” Fuck, he knew this was a bad idea, second guessing the decision of, once again, A LITERAL ACTUAL GOD, but the sour sick fear that had been growing in the background was finally too much for him to ignore.

“Mollymauk, right? You said yourself that he’s where my soul came from and what if I'm just-” His voice cracked, and he hastily scrubbed a tear away from the corner of his eye. “I know he was a follower of yours, and he did a better job than any of the half measures I’ve ever sent your way, so. That’s why not me.” Kingsley couldn’t hold her gaze anymore and he looked down, eyes boring into his lap. “And maybe you were there for me, originally, whoever I was. But I still fucked that up anyway.”

A couple frustrated tears dropped down and landed on the back of his hands, Kingsley feeling like he was about to scream. His soul was HIS. He was Kingsley. He was himself. He knew who he was. He was. He was supposed to know who he was. He...

(Breaking apart. Disintegrating. Motes of light drifting away).

A hand cupped his check and his breath hitched, and then his breathing almost stopped entirely when a gentle kiss was pressed to his forehead.

“Time for that later,” she murmured, and then she was pulling back, tilting his chin up with her hand. She was kneeling in front of him, just a couple feet away and table now gone.

“Yes. Mollymauk is where your soul is from. And yes, my first visit in that dream was to see you, in part because of the sacrifices you had made in Cognouza, and in part because of a life lived in full and prior faith. But there is something important you must understand.” She held his gaze, not looking away. “You are not inferior to Mollymauk. You are not a mistake. And you do not have to fear losing yourself and becoming him, because he has already become you.”

Her hand cupped his check again, and she smiled softly.

“You are Kingsley Tealeaf. And I am so proud of all that you are.”

Mollymauk was... him?

Kingsley swayed in place. He didn’t know whether to cry, or to laugh, or what even to do at all. Instead he just sat there, feeling lightheaded at what had just happened. He wasn’t dead for disrespect. She had actually listened to him. Reassured him. Her. A god.

“I think I need to lie down,” he said weakly.

She gave a small laugh, withdrawing her hand and Kingsley slow motion flopped onto his side, before rolling to his back and staring at the ceiling. There were stars embroidered in the fabric up there. He hadn’t seen that before.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw her sitting down next to him, leaning on one of her hands. “Feel better?”

“Yeah,” he said. He could almost pick out some constellations in the embroidered stars.

“Good.” She played with one last tarot card in her free hand, just barely visible to him. A sun rising over a grave. Dawn.

Slowly, almost so slow that he missed it at first, the lights in the tent started dim. Eventually the only light left was a faint glow from the crescent moon lantern, and, to his quiet awe, the embroidered stars themselves, silver threads glimmering with magic.

“There are only a few more things left for me to say.”

He tilted his head to look in her direction. Even in the low light he could still see her clearly, and he realized she was actually the final source of light in the space, her white hair and blue skin giving off a faint luminescence.

“If a day comes where things are not fast enough, where others are not able to reach you in time and you cannot remember with your mind, remember with your heart like you did once before. Even when starting over, a home and a family will still be waiting for you.”

She glowed a little brighter, surroundings starting to fade.

“Hopefully, by the time you pass on your soul will be healed enough that you no longer have to worry. But if that is not the case...”

She leaned down, held his face in both of her hands, and placed one last kiss on his forehead.

“I will be there. Shine bright, my little monarch.”

He closed his eyes, for a single blink-

-And opened them to the deck of The Nein Heroez.

“-I told you, I’m not the one who knows. I just sent him along to someone who does, he’ll be fine.”

“I’m surprised she didn’t smite you,” Kingsley croaked and Artagan whirled around, pointing at him.

“See! I told you, he’s fine.”

Jester gasped. “Kingsley!”

“Welcome back,” Yasha murmured, and she gave him a hug with the arm around his shoulder.

“Wait, smite? Who the fuck did you send him to?” Beau said, shooting Artagan a look.

“Well! It looks like my work here is done,” Artagan said, completely ignoring Beau and clapping his hands together. “Just let me know when you need something again Jester, tah!”

He vanished in a swirl of green cloak before Beau could get another word in, and she groaned.

“Ugh. He didn't even do anything himself.”

“Yes he did!” Jester said, and she looked at Kingsley. “... it did work, right?”

“... yeah,” he said, a little dazed, and he reached up to touch his forehead. He was going to need time to process that. A lot of time.

“See! He did do something!”

Fjord gave him a thoughtful look. “Who did he send you to? You seem a little overwhelmed.”

“T-the Moonweaver.”

That got everyone’s attention on him at once. A couple of them blanched.

“... you were not kidding with the smite comment,” Caleb said, eyes a little wide.

Essek looked around at the group and everyone’s expressions. “Being sent to a god is notable, but I feel I am missing some additional context here.”

“We um. Miiight have had a plan where Artie pretended to be the Moonweaver?” Jester said.

“It went badly,” Fjord said bluntly.

“As in dragged off into the sky in chains badly,” Veth added on.

Essek blinked, then shook his head. “I should not even be surprised anymore.”

“I was pretty surprised the first time I heard about it,” Kingsley said, shrugging. “And I only heard about it cause of all the times the ship docked at Rumblecusp. I think you're good.”

Essek gave him a wry grin. “Well. I am glad I am not the only one to hear about things after the fact.”

“You get used to it,” Caduceus said, smiling. “And we’re all here now, so, you don’t have to worry about it this time.”

“True enough,” Kingsley said and he stretched, sitting up straight but still at Yasha’s side.

“What did you learn?” Yasha asked.

“Well... the main thing is she said my soul is. Fragile? And that if I’m dead too long I might forget things again. But she also said it’ll heal after enough time so it’s not all bad?” Her last words to him, about what she would do if it hadn’t healed yet, echoed in the back of his mind.

“It’s still not great though,” Beau said, sitting with her arm resting on a raised knee. “She tell you any way to fix it sooner?”

He shook his head. “She just said it’d take time.” After a second he glanced over to Essek and Caleb. “And I don’t think she meant your kind of stuff. Sorry nerds.”

“Magic cannot fix everything,” Caleb said. “As much as we might want it to.” He was lost in thought for a moment before Essek squeezed his hand, Caleb returning the gesture.

Kingsley took a moment to inhale the ocean air, grounding himself, before fully flopping back against Yasha like a cat and she chuckled, starting to comb her fingers through his hair.

“What else did you guys talk about? You were gone for a while,” Jester said.

Kingsley hesitated.

He didn’t really know why he was hesitating. Maybe he was afraid. Of what, he wasn’t sure, but that fear that had bubbled over while talking to the Moonweaver wasn’t totally gone. And maybe it was the fact that he still didn’t know what to make of things himself yet. But he also remembered the words she’d said towards the end, that even if he forgot, he would still have a family. And a home.

(An even more distant memory. Of him asking for home, and Jester saying yeah, we can go home).

He saw Caduceus watching him out of the corner of his eye, expression knowing, but the cleric didn’t push, and that was what made the decision for him. The Mighty Nein was his family. And they would be there for him no matter what.

“Well,” Kingsley said, pausing for dramatic effect. “To start, she was wearing this red coat...”

He launched into retelling, knowing that he had his family, his home, and that his heart would remember for as long as he would need.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E134 & 135 (April 27, 2021)

It's late, it's great, it's... Talks Machina! Tonight's guests: Ashley Johnson & Taliesin Jaffe! Immediately, I distractedly pour beer onto my steak instead of steak sauce. It's been one of those weeks, what can I say?

Taliesin has a new rule for 2021 - no passively wearing t-shirts. Button-downs only! I appreciate this from a distance. Caduceus had a very hard time saying goodbye to his family. The vision from the Wildmother helped a lot in giving him peace. He also is conflicted because Caduceus knows he should stay, but really didn't...want to stay, which surprised Taliesin.

Ashley laughs that sometimes during voiceover recording or recaps, she has moments of thinking - "I wasn't there for this scene! And then I remember that Travis was playing her, or Matt was playing her. Oh yeah, I totally remember this!" Even now Blindspot's reach...reaches.

It's so intense being the focus of Matt's attention in one-on-one situations. "It's so stressful. Math goes out the window, everything goes out the window, it's like woo-woo-woo." There's intense pressure not to fuck it up. Right before they started the game, Travis made some offhand comment about her being ready to die, and during the whole Stormlord scene he kept making eyebrows to remind her of it.

Being the Stormlord's champion gives her a feeling of purpose, a special reason to exist. She thinks about how much longer she would have been in the service of Oban if the Stormlord hadn't saved her.

The whole Clay family didn't leave all at once, it was one every few years. His sister was the "hypnotized version of Danny Kay in the Court Jester," who was ready to get out as soon as possible. She was the "anywhere-but-here" sibling and was the smart one. Taliesin feels bad that she went out and immediately turned into stone.

Ashley is super excited about the Holy Avenger. If she can roll well and actually hit something, she's very happy to be carrying it around.

Caduceus has just connected his dream with the plot/the Mighty Nein. Tal's embarrassed it took him so long to figure it out, especially since he wrote it & had intended it to be a nice connection to Mollymauk!

Yasha is holding onto her last request just in case it comes up in game again.

Cosplay of the Week: a spectacular Astrid in black velvet by @shelflifecosplay on Twitter. She looks amazing!

Caduceus doesn't really care about the intent of these people not caring about/believing in the gods in their location. Especially since he follows a nature god, he thinks "clearly you guys have taken this as far as it's gonna go, and clearly you all couldn't get over your shit and are now causing problems hundreds of years later." He's not one to take offense.

In a similar vein, exploring this place is very wild to Yasha as she's already working on navigating her relationship to the Stormlord.

Both Caduceus & Yasha (and Taliesin & Ashley) are disappointed that Charlie can't follow them through the rest of the dungeon. :( "There was a sidequest. We deserve a robot!"

Caduceus has embraced a certain amount of "fuck it" practicality and has been willing to bend certain personal rules to keep everyone alive. He is less and less conflicted casting Speak With Dead when bodies in dangerous situations might be able to reveal information.

Taliesin was Dani's last hug over a year ago. :(

Aeor in general is very hard for Yasha to wrap her brain around. She's a little frightened by it. The eyes on Beau and Caleb are really freaking her out. She's a little like the group's border collie: "I'm gonna keep you all together! I'm gonna keep you all safe!"

"Matt is the kindest, most wonderful soul, but there is a darkness sometimes...Where does that come from?"

In any other circumstance, Cad would have been doing Superman loops in that ward's flight. He was disheartened by the sheer scope of what they were looking at. Brian is loving the art coming out of these scenes.

Brian laughs that we are now seeing the "push-the-button" side of Ashley the way we know Travis does. She tries to hold back where Yasha would, but she really likes the element of chaos. She loves the robe she pulled out.

Fanart of the Week: Molly leading the Tombtakers by casukaga on Twitter.

Brian has put an old-fashioned typewriter on a modern DJ stand for a bit. I am both stunned and utterly unsurprised.

Taliesin talks about various museums he's been to: The Twinkie Museum, the Museum of Miniatures, a dollhouse museum, the Museum of Jurassic Technology...Brian tells us about an exhibit he and Ashley saw a history of STDs & the effects on the body over time. "There were a lot of jars..."

Taliesin has been thinking about Cad's conversation with Veth a lot since they had it. He stands by everything he said, and notes that Veth is a very difficult character to play asking very difficult questions. He wonders where Sam is at with the war between what you want to do and what you feel you must do.

How does Yasha feel about an Official Relationship with Beau? Great! She was worried about how to make the transition from friends to significant others & was very excited for Yasha to be able to share this openly with her friends. She likes being embarrassed by Beau's PDA.

Caduceus is comfortable heading out with the team because he is convinced that even if he dies, this is what he was intended to do. Yasha loved that they had one last family dinner.

Caduceus doesn't really register the Aeor effect as magic, just general weirdness affecting his attempts to keep people alive.

Ashley & Taliesin are both super conscious of the time they are spending in every choice. Ashley does feel like she's trying to eke out a few more moments here and there where she can. It's such a wonderful game and she wants to get the last few moments with her friends where she can.

And that's that! Is it Thursday yet? (Yes, yes it is!)

[morningsound15]

But like... Zuala could've been resurrected and I'm appalled Yasha didn't at least try?? Thanking the people who KILLED her (in what was basically a homophobic act!!) for burying her in an unmarked grave?? Beau thanking Zuala for getting killed?? I get the sentiment but it was just really rushed and disappointing. romanticizing trauma and violence really rubs me the wrong way.

i get why you feel this way, i do i really do get it, i feel like this moment was sort of the narrative equivalent of caleb destroying the time travel machinery in aeor. i think there was probably a time when yasha would have done anything to have zuala back, but by the time the campaign ended she had left that part of her in the past. we got so many instances of yasha learning to be someone who doesn't hold on to the guilt of her past actions, particularly around zuala. in that one vision from the stormlord right before she gets her wings back, when she decides to leave zuala behind and zuala says back to her "i'm proud of you, don't let me be a shackle." during the final battle with lucien when yasha is trapped in that nightmare and she uses the holy avenger to strike down the image of zuala "i know you're not her." i truly think that if yasha had tried to resurrect zuala it would have cheapened her ending. yasha has learned to be a person who doesn't hold on to her painful past. she mourns her, she honors her, she will never forget her and she will always love her. but that doesn't mean she wants to bring her back.

yasha isn't the same person she was when she met and married zuala. she's completely changed. she's found a new life, new family, new love. you can't just restart someone's life and expect them to return and be the same, to have things be the same. there is such a thing as accepting the past and mourning it without wanting to fix or change it

i don't talk about this much on here because i keep my private life pretty private but i am someone intimately familiar with death and loss. my best friend of 12 years died last year. i lost a surrogate mother figure just a few months ago. deep losses that have rocked me to my very core and changed everything about the way i deal with and interact with the world. i mourn them every day, and i ache with missing them. there are things i regret about our time together — mostly not knowing how short it would be, not living the fullest existence with them that i could have — and there are times, in my weaker moments, when i think that there's nothing i want more than to have them back with me. but that isn't a healthy way of coping with loss. that isn't something that i can keep in my brain. loss is part of life, and part of living is learning to live with loss, learning to understand who we are after we have experienced it, and trying to forge a path ahead either way.

i'm not going to speak for ashely johnson because idk her, but i know that she's someone who has lost loved ones (her father, i believe, when she was a teenager is something she talks a lot about). i think an extremely important part of her character choices is having yasha learn to be someone who isn't shackled by loss and tragedy, who isn't beating herself up constantly about the pain she caused and the things she experienced. learning how to be a person after that, that's what yasha's entire journey was about. to resurrect zuala after that, after everything she went through and learned and experienced... THAT, to me, would have been the disrespectful and disappointing character choice

we don't have to agree on this. stories are meant to be interpreted and experienced differently, and we don't have to like every part of a story that we get. i disagree with you that this ending was about romanticizing trauma and violence. i disagree with you about it being rushed and disappointing. i don't think that beau was thanking zuala for getting killed, and i don't think that yasha's thanks to her former tribe was what you're interpreting it as. it's like when jester was talking to fjord on the water tower, and she said "i'm glad it happened the way it did" — not that she's glad everything happened, but everything happening as it did is what allowed them all to be at the place they are now. beau is thanking zuala for being the person she was to yasha — for loving her, and being there for her, and maybe in some ways for being a symbol for her, something to drag her in out of the cold when needed. and sure, maybe beau is a bit selfish — if zuala hadn't died, yasha wouldn't have fled, they never would have met, they never would have fallen in love — but beau has proven herself to be nothing but gentle and patient and respectful of yasha's relationship with her wife. nothing about yasha's relationship with zuala cheapens what she has with beau, and vice versa.

yasha is thanking her tribe for this one small honor they paid zuala. we don't know what the tribe's relationship is with dead bodies; to me, they read as a largely nomadic people, who are used to living a harsh existence and who aren't keen on drawn-out burial rituals. i don't picture the dolorov tribe as having cemeteries or burial grounds for their dead, or taking part in sentimental death rituals. truly we don't know much about them. but they executed zuala for treason, and would have done the same to yasha if she hadn't run, and they didn't dump her body somewhere or burn it or leave it to scavengers to eat. they buried her. a small kindness, in an act of deep violence. it doesn't make what they did right by any means, but yasha, as someone who is intimately familiar with death (and with causing the death of others) can, i think, appreciate that at least there's someplace for her to go. someplace for her to visit. and of course the tribe wouldn't mark the grave of someone they executed, but yasha did. yasha and beau got to. and there will be wildflowers on zuala's grave that grow nowhere else in the world, and in the wastes of xorhas where there is no color and no life, there will be life on her grave, and that is fucking beautiful.

i'm sorry that you feel let-down by that ending. i just see it in a completely different light. stories resonate in different ways with different people. people and characters have relationships with death and loss that might be different from yours. the ending that these actors chose were the endings they felt were right for their characters, and you don't have to like it but it wasn't your story to tell, it was theirs, and i think it might be good to think about the story with that in mind. you can gain a lot of insight into these characters by what they choose to do, and what they choose not to do, and that, to me, is infinitely more interesting and satisfying than for every dead person in their backstories to get resurrected. resurrection is too neat and easy. real life doesn't work that way. i think it's good and important for stories, even stories full of impossible magic, to reflect that, too.

[cadykeus-clay]

i would low key love to hear your tangent about the differences there are between how VM and TM9 react with the world

ah, the perfect excuse for me to put off my 30 page reading, thank you :3

(i’m also going to preface this by saying most of this is stuff i’ve picked from other people’s various metas and i absolutely do not remember who those authors might be so i apologize jsdlkfsd)

....

but uh ... basically i feel like vox machina and the nein have a completely opposite standard for how they interact with the people the consider to be their “inner circle” vs. everyone who doesn’t qualify as that. 

vm is a group of individuals who, overall, had one cruel person that slighted them but didn’t really destroy their faith in humanity. (their faith in themselves is a whole different horse. that ones .... woof. looking at you percy scanlan tary keyleth.) Percy had the briarwoods, Grog had Kevdak, the twins and tary had their father. so, the way that they interact with just random people that they meet is - with exceptions of course - amicable, or at the very least, respectably polite. 

they’re the saviours of emon, the freers of whitestone. they have festivals held in their honor. they have kid fans and random farmers knocking on their doorstep for aid because they’ve heard tales of the kindness. sure, vex can be a hassle when she’s haggling down a price, and keyleth tends to poke buttons in way that gets her arrested a fair amount of the time, but at the end of the day they’re the people’s heroes, and they’re happy to be that!

their inner circle, however, is much more closely guarded. they have a few chosen allies (gilmore, allura, kima, kash and zahra, cassandra) and that’s it. They’re hesitant with anyone else trying to creep into their personal fold. Hell, it took beating up tary and him breaking down sobbing for them to even consider liking him. they’ve been burned by raishan and clarota and hotis, by individuals they let in and who then stabbed them in the back. they’ll do almost any favor for a stranger who asks, but they’ll be damned if they trust anyone to actually join their midst. vox machina is vox machina is vox machina and that’s incredibly hard to change. 

the nein, on the other hand, are fundamentally a group of rejects. some of them have specific people they can point a finger at and say “i hate you”, but those problems stem from a greater societal rejection. beau has daddy issues, but she also felt rejected by the entire cobalt soul until dairon found her. caleb has trent’s fucked up shit, but he also has this constant pressure of having failed his entire country, not to mention the faceless hate piled up on him from living homeless for a year. jester’s whole deal is that she had to hide from LITERALLY ALL OF SOCIETY for her entire childhood because she wasn’t supposed to exist.

and so, the nein are shitheads to society right back. they’re mean to random barkeeps, they trash their inns and don’t say sorry, they mock most NPCs behind their back (or sometimes right to their face. @ marius).  Every favor asked of them comes with a ton of deliberation and arguing about whether its bait or not (ie bowlgate, the giants in the mine outside rosohna, essiks “favors”). 

but, on the flip side, they’re willing to tug just about anyone into their ranks. if society already hates them by default, what’s there to lose if they get close to someone? nothing, there’s only more love to be found! so it’s adopting random bird girls on the road, its sending cupcakes to a hag that cursed your friend, its sending messages to everyone you’ve ever met just to check in, it’s making someone sit in the hot tub with you and share trauma and then when you find out he started a war you say “we get it bro” and kiss him on the forehead. it’s “welcome to the mighty nein”. 

and it’s also very interesting, i think, to talk about the ways in which the party interacts with themselves. vox machina was a family, undoubtedly, as is the nein now. but vox machina ... had a lack of desperation to their attachment. i mean for one, they took a full year off from adventuring together and scattered cross continent. even if the nein gets down time like they did, i expect they’ll just trail each other around like lemmings. (its kind of what they’ve been doing from hiatus until now with the eiselcross arc starting). 

but vox machina just ... went. and scanlan walked away from the party and (after the heat of the moment), they agreed to just let him be. and pike would spend weeks on quests for sarenrae without much of a complaint. even at the end - and this will be a controversial take, i know - but they let vax go pretty easily. (sure, mechanically they were wiped from fighting, but besides tears the only attempt to defy trq was from percy, which even he gave up on with minimal struggle because vax said to stop it). that’s not to say they don’t miss each other when they’re gone! of course they do!!! but they trust each other to go off into the world, because the world as whole is a place they trust. 

(the one exception to this might be vex, who fought every one of these situations adamantly, but that’s a whole separate essay about her issues stemming from an innate sense of ‘failed family’ that she’s desperate to not repeat, and less about a mistrust of everyone until proven otherwise)

the nein on the other hand. hoo boy. they’ve been hot glued to each other’s hips since day one. So many quotes (many from beau, which could be worked into my previous vex essay, as they’re very much cross-campaign foils. getting sidetracked again) are about their inability to separate. “You don’t get to choose who cares about you”; “No one goes”; “If one of us is gone for more than 7 days assume we’re dead and have a funeral”; “Do we have co-dependecy issues?” Jester’s cool personal vacation to her god’s get together turned into a party with everyone because why would she go anywhere without the nein? Veth’s time with Luc and/or Yeza is constantly overrun with the rest of the nein dropping in for fun. Even small things like shopping trips are so much more “oh well if you’re going then i’ll go” snowballs than they ever were with vm. 

Also, ashley’s absences had to be much more forceful than in c1. Post episode 11, the only time yasha left the group (rather than someone else piloting her) of her own free will was when she ran in grief from molly’s grave. And yes, there’s something to be said about “oh they were on a boat for a long time she had nowhere to go” but if Matt can justify astral projection pike, i feel like he could justify ‘the stormlord teleports yasha away for a bit’ and he chose not to. 

Because!!!!!!!!! of the dynamic that the nein has!!!!!!!! Because of this idea that the world is bad and cold and full of hate and in here in our little hut (soon to be mansion??????) it’s safe and good and full of love and no one can leave because then you’d be going somewhere much more dangerous and we can’t have that, now can we? 

.....

well uh. that’s a lot of words. i hope they made some sense??? and were at all what you were expecting???? thank u for sending the ask tho this was very fun to write!!

tldr: vox machina is a group of people who were betrayed by one bad figure, so they trust the world and are wary of the individual; whereas the nein is a group of people who were failed by the world at large so they welcome the loner and fear the pack. 

[americankimchi]

Character Ask: Fjord from critical role

First impression

YEEEEEEEHHHAAAWWWWWWWW 🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠

Impression now

JSKDKFK ok real shit tho he went from wild west to pirates of the caribbean so quick..... love that for him tho

he's just a good man, you know? with a penchant for landing ass first into danger completely unprompted and wholly as a consequence of his own actions djkfkf 🤠

Favorite moment

OOH WHEN THAT BOY YEETED HIS WEAPON AND HIS PATRON INTO THE FORBIDDEN SOUP (LAVA) I SCREAMED

Idea for a story

fjord finds his way to a different god. for a sailor with an affinity and respect for the seas, all know to pay respect to the stormlord lest he sent you and your vessel to a watery grave. ARISE, PALADIN OF THE STORM

Unpopular opinion

wish he'd stuck with the "has no powers" stuff for just a bit longer... felt like that got resolved (the arc anyways not the actual situation with uk'otoa) too quickly. not enough time to let it simmer and really get him thinking about what he wanted to do, you know? almost felt rushed in a way

Favorite relationship

CAPTAIN TUSKTOOTH AND FIRST MATE LIONETT REPORTING FOR DUTY

Favorite headcanon

fjord definitely had a crush on molly

(and they were roommates!! O:)

[jaredstrout]

a Stormlord rests

Azula yawned as she entered her chambers after a long day of debates and budget discussion with her brother. The new title of Stormlord suited Azula, but it cost a lot of precious time. One of the things she had missed over the day lay in her bed and slept with a loud snore. Smiling softly Azula watched Sokka for a while, before she finally decided to just strip out of her robes and threw it all on a pile on the floor, before she slid under the blanket with her sleeping lover.

Keeping the Fire Nation ready for combat, while Zuzu was determined to pay reparations to every little peasant in the world was a task of itself, but Azula was confidant, that the Fire Nation and the colonies, that remained under her brother´s rule...for now, were safe even without the Avatar.

But the day had been full of nasty argument, most with Firelord Zuzu, honored be his nickname, so Azula just wanted some rest. And with Sokka waiting for her here she was quite confidant for this night.

She didn´t know how he always managed to sneak into her room unnoticed, but she was thankful for his success. As she really didn´t want to have that talk with Zuzu...or her lover´s sister. 

With a sigh she snuggled the sleeping and very naked warrior and with a grin she noticed, that he had not freed his wolf tail. He knew how much she liked to play with his hait and now he had managed to give her an opportunity to do so, even while he was snoring loudly. 

After giving him a soft kiss on the cheek Azula rached for his head and did the deed and let all the soft, dark hair flow freely. She ran her fingers through the silky hair and pressed her body closer to Sokka´s. 

“Thank you, Warrior Boy” she whipspered into his ear, followed by another kiss, before she combed his hair for a few more moents with her bare hands. Then she buried her nose in the softness and inhaled his scent deeply. His aroma and the warmth and soft breathing wiped away any stress of her day immedeately and Azula closed her eyes, to swiftly follow Sokka into dreamland.

[charrwybie]

(I've seen this interview meme floating around the tag and it looks super fun so here it goes! Wyatt is not my Commander, but he's still a fun character who WOULD have fans bc he's in a band! Used to do ballet!)

INTRODUCTION

- Can you introduce yourself?

I'm Wyatt Epping - Wybie for friends! I play bass in a rock band with my friends.

- What is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status?

I'm a guy, bi, and not... availa-bly. That was Awful, sorry about that. Not looking to be in a relationship right now, either, I have some healing to do before I'm ready to try again, found that out the hard way.

- Where and when were you born?

We - mom and me that is, assume in Lion's Arch because that's where she found me as a newborn cub some twenty years ago.

- What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

I prefer to not fight, but when I have to, I prefer my staff or greatsword, and an axe for when things get close. My aunt calls me a powerhouse and I'm usually last still on my feet so I guess I'm good at dancing around the danger and hitting hard when I need to.

- Lastly, are you happy?

Yeah. Yeah. Getting there at least! I've gone through some shhhhoot that made me not happy for a long time, but I'm getting there again! Feels good.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

- What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

(Wyatt laughs) I have a big and weird family by a lot of standards. I'm sure you're thinking that Epping doesn't sound like a charr name and you'd be right! I was raised by my mom, Norma, a human woman, in Lion's Arch so I definitely don't have like a charr upbringing, or a charr name even. I also have another mom who's a charr but not the one that birthed me, and a step-sister who's about the same age as me. Then there's my dads who aren't really my dads but kinda are -- it's a long story, but we're happy. Close! I love them very much and am definitely a momma's boy and a family boy.

-Have you ever ran away from home? 

No. Well yeah, when I was like four and mad about something and I got all the way to the other side of the street before running back to hug my mom and cry that I missed her.

-Would you consider marriage or having children? 

Marriage, definitely, with the right person, I -- think I want that, but it's also scary right now. Kids? No thanks. Thought I wanted some, but nah, turned out to be some misplaced emotional shenanigans. Kids are great, but not for me.

-Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

I wouldn't waste time being their friend if I did, I don't think. I can be a polite boy and act civil in any company, but I'm not gonna be friends with someone I don't like. What's the point?

-Which friend knows everything about you? 

Ordell, who is also in the band - he grew up with me and my sister and we were like an inseparable triple trouble trio, and he was kinda like our little brother but not really. Still is the same. He's the kind of friend I can talk about anything with, or just sit quietly, and it's just... comfortable. Cozy.

ASKED BY FANS  

-Are you literate? Have you been to school?

Is this a joke about bassists being dumb? Yeah I'm literate, have been to school in Lion's Arch, and did real good there. I liked school and studying and would work on ballet flexibility while doing my homework; hobbies, no matter how serious, never were more important than learning.

-The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

Hmmm. I don't know if anything like that's happened? My mom used to call me Stormlord because I used to predict thunderstorms and lightning strikes as a kid; does that count? She was amazed that I didn't become an elementalist.

-What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

You know what, PROBABLY a lot of things, but I can't think of an example.

- Do you have mental health or physical issues?

Both, haha... I have seasonal allergies, a permanently injured knee that ended my hopes of dancing professionally, depression that came with THAT, aaaand PTSD from a different kind of trauma. I'm healing, though!

- What is your current main goal?

Just... To have fun! And to get a griffon, that's what I'm working on right now. We'll see, a lot of animals don't like me, and I really don't know why. I think I'm cursed or something. Let me tell you, it's not fun out there when seemingly every animal ever seems to have a personal beef with you, specifically. And I'm not talking about wildlife, I'm talking about cows and chicken and like generally friendly things.

CHOICES:

- Drink or food?

Food, unless my sister made it, in which case probably neither.

-Cats or dogs? 

Both! I grew up with both and currently have both - I have a cat called Silly - Cilantro, really - and a dog called Potato.

-Early bird or night owl? 

A little more of a night owl, I guess, though not really that either. I like sleeping.

-Optimist or pessimist? 

Optimist. Trying to be real hard at least! Mostly it's working!

-Sassy or sarcastic? 

Depends on the day and company I guess. Not a lot of either.

HAVE YOU EVER:

-Been caught sneaking out

No, but sneaking back in, yeah! (Laughs) I'd come home too late from parties or something drunk before I was supposed to be drinking and inevitably mom would catch me because I'd always get sick, or be way noisier than I thought, or, you know, both. I try to not drink enough to get that drunk anymore.

-Broken a bone

Kneecap, yeah, when I goofed my entire knee. Some toes, I think? Amazingly not anything bigger than that though.

-Received flowers

Yeah! From friends and family and dates, and fans too. I like flowers, am very allergic to some of their pollen though, haha!

-Ghosted someone

Well, yeah. Sometimes deservedly, sometimes it's been me panicking and being shitty as a result-- aw rats, there goes a coin in the swear jar... But yeah, I have.

-Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get

Oh for sure. Sometimes I don't have to pretend because I'll just laugh at myself not getting it!