#Sandy has been sending me some and it’s been very helpful

[lovecoredeity]

I am sooo happy with how the redraws for Cashmere and their fam’s ref sheets are going yall

[sassycheesecake]

Osamu Miya x wife!Reader "The Green-Eyed Monster"

“What’s he doin’ here?” A very tired Osamu irritably asks, as he spots his twin brother bawling his eyes out in front of you on the dining table.

You turn to your husband with an apologetic look on your face.

“Tsumu’s girlfriend dumped him because he was moving too fast into the relationship for her liking.” You explain.

Osamu’s eyes find his brother’s slumped figure over the table, sighing heavily before mentioning you to follow him into your shared bedroom with a motion of his head.

“Atsumu, I will be right back okay?” You assure him, feeling bad that he barely acknowledges your words, his empty gaze with red eyes trained on his hot chocolate mug that you previously prepared for him.

Walking into the direction of your bedroom, you see Osamu already starting to undress out of his uniform, turning to you, as you walk in and close the door.

“(Y/N) this is now the third time he came over cuz some chick dumped ‘im. And it’s only been five months. Don’t let ‘im in every time just cuz he’s my brother and ya feel bad for ‘im.” Putting his dirty clothes in the hamper, he walks toward the closet, picking out fresh clothes to put on after his shower.

“I know you don’t like it when he comes over unannounced but Samu, I can’t help but try to cheer him up. You know that he has trouble maintaining friends and we live closest to him.”

Osamu sighs at your statement, being tired after a full day at his restaurant is making him more irritated than usual.

“I can’t even remember the last time we had sum time ta ourselves (Y/N). He’s always here, almost hoggin’ all of yer attention just cuz some meaningless fling decided ta dump his stupid ass.” His tone starts to get angry, taking his clothes to walk into the direction of the bathroom to take a shower.

Reflecting his words, you start to get a bit angry as well.

“Well what do you want me to do Osamu? Slam the door in his face? If I remember correctly when we first started dating, YOU were the one worried that Atsumu wouldn’t approve of me and NOW you’re telling me he is ‘hogging all of my attention’?! What are you? 5?”

Ignoring you, he walks past you and slams the door of the bathroom a little bit and you soon hear the shower running.

‘Sigh, the famous Miya temper.’

Rubbing your temples, you walk back into the kitchen to see Atsumu putting his mug into the sink, grabbing his jacket from the chair with a blank expression.

“You’re leaving already? Do you want to stay over?” You ask in a quiet voice.

He shakes his head, looking at you with a hurting expression.

“No. Wouldn’t wanna hog yer attention for more than necessary.”

So he heard your argument.

Before you can retort anything, a loud booming noise interrupts you first, along with a heavy pattern of rain against your windows.

The sudden noise makes you flinch and Atsumu looks outside to see the horrible weather.

Looking at the time, it’s already past 11 p.m.

“Come on Atsumu, I think it’s better if you stay over. Don’t mind what Osamu said, he’s just tired after work. It’s late and the weather is horrible. Just stay in the guest room, I don’t feel comfortable sending you on your way in this weather.” You try to convince him.

The blonde shrugs, very quietly saying ‘okay’ that you can barely hear it.

Stepping down to the familiar direction of the guest bedroom, Atsumu steps inside and you follow him in.

The Setter doesn’t even undress, just walks to the bed and lays down on it to stare at the ceiling.

You sit down on the side of the bed, talking to him in an almost motherly gentle voice.

“Atsumu don’t take what Osamu said too hard, you know how he is when he is extremely tired. And about that girl, I know it’s not my place to say but don’t you think you should heal properly first before jumping into the next relationship?”

The sandy-blond turns to his side with his back now facing you.

Sighing in defeat, you begin to get up when his rough voice interrupts your actions.

“(Y/N), do you think I will ever find someone like you and Samu found each other?”

Halting your actions, you sit down again.

“Well, I am sure you will find your soulmate eventually. I mean with me and Samu, we just met and it immediately clicked.” You smile as you recall the funny way you and Osamu met.

You were driving in your car on your way to work to ‘Colors Of The Wind’, which is a local art shop that sells art equipment and all different colors in different utensils.

Singing along to ‘River’ by Ed Sheeran and Eminem, you don’t see a spider slowly making its way over your dashboard, not having a care in the world.

When you are about to change the song, you see the little creature of hell getting closer to you.

Screaming in fear, you move your steering wheel, crashing right into a dark gray car, whose owner has the same metallic eyes and even darker hair.

Having a small fight over the damage, you explained to the good-looking stranger that you screamed over a spider and he laughed so hard that he had tears in his eyes.

Exchanging numbers to the repair of the damage, you stayed in contact and here you are today. Married for three amazing years already.

“Tomorrow will be a better day, okay? How about I make you some gohan along with yakizakana?” You suggest to Atsumu before you leave him be.

“Will ya also make yer vanilla puddin’?” The Setter mumbles back with a little gleam in his eyes when he turns a bit to watch you.

Giggling at his request like a shy little kid asking for his favorite ice cream, you agree to make your vanilla pudding as well that he loves so much.

“Good night Tsumu, try to sleep a little bit.”

“Night (Y/N).”

Leaving the room, you close the door and put the dishes in the dishwasher before returning to your bedroom where you know Osamu will be.

Slowly opening the door, you see your husband leaning against the headboard, a small frown decorates his usual carefree face.

When you enter, he starts talking without looking at you.

“Can ya sit down please?”

Following his request, you lay in bed with him, leaning against the headboard with your shoulder, so you face him sideways.

Taking a deep breath, he looks at you with deep apologetic eyes and also a small hint of hurt.

“Baby I’m sorry for the way I was actin’ earlier. It was childish and unfair. I love ya so much and I love the way yer takin’ care of my brother.”

“Then why were you so upset?” You ask in confusion.

Osamu looks away from you with a pout, mumbling something that you couldn’t make out.

You lean a bit closer.

“What was that?”

He turns his face back, staring at the ceiling, saying it again but louder.

“I was jealous over yer attention on ‘im. I had a shit day at work today and I just wanted yer cuddles and kisses. When I saw that scrub in the kitchen, it made me more mad. I shouldn't have let my anger out on ya. ‘M sorry baby.”

Smiling at his words, you come closer to your husband to give him comforting kisses along his cheeks.

Sighing in bliss he lets you do as you please.

Stopping right by his ear, you whisper seductively.

“Want some make up sex and then you can vent to me about your day?”

Osamu turns to you with an excited look, quickly pushing you down to lay on top of you.

Giggling in delight, you let the former Opposite Hitter ravish you half the night.

The next morning

The smell of steamed rice and cooked fish is what rips Atsumu out of his dream of defeating Thanos, stretching his limbs and rubbing his tired face.

Remembering that you cooked for him this morning, he gets up very excited like a kid getting to open Christmas presents early and almost sprints out of the room.

Quickly slamming on the brakes what he sees on the counter, his stomach begins to get nauseous at the open PDA between his twin brother and you.

You’re sitting on the counter and have your legs wrapped around Osamu’s waist, your arms crossed around his neck.

The ravenette’s hands rest on either side of your thighs, lips locked together with yours as your husband passionately makes out with you, unaware of his sandy-blond twin.

“Really? That early in the mornin’? That’s gross.” The Setter says in disgust as he leans against the kitchen frame.

Letting go of you, Osamu turns fully around to look at his brother, with you leaning over his shoulders and his neck to look at Atsumu with a flushed face.

“Well scrub, get yerself a girlfriend or boyfriend, then ya will have this too.”

“Fuck ya and yer happiness, Samu.”

“It ain’t my fault that I have the perfect woman and ya don’t. Yer shitty personality drives them all away.”

“Ya know what ya little shithead-“ you interrupt before it escalates into a physical fight like the last million times.

“Okay, okay enough. Let’s eat together. I am not ready to deal with this without food in my stomach.”

Hopping down from the counter, you see the twin brothers glaring at each other.

“Samu, Tsumu, stop it. I mean it.” You threaten them.

The ravenette snaps out of it, looking a little bit scared at your scowling face.

Atsumu claims the small victory in his head of the stare off and almost starts drooling at the sight of the food at the table.

Calming down, the three of you sit down and enjoy the food.

“Itadakimasu.” The three of you say in sync, digging in.

The Setter looks in bliss when he chows down the food, already in a lot better mood than last night.

“So, when are ya guys givin’ me nieces and nephews?” He asks with a teasing smirk.

Osamu starts to choke after that, with you shaking your head at Atsumu, padding your husband on the back and waiting for him to calm down.

Not even five minutes later, you hum as you clean the dishes, while ignoring your husband choking and fighting his brother over the comment over the table.

What can you say, if you marry one Miya brother, you’re automatically married to the second one.

@rukia-uchiha-98 @nerd-of-karasuno @wake-uptoreality @darthferbert

[googleitlol]

HOO boy, this is a fun one. This part of the journey is one I've had knocking around my head since the beginning, mostly cuz I came up with it the same time I created Dove's backstory!

Dove Masterlist:

Monkshood

Laughter masks the crackling of the campfire you circle with your friends, the look of confused horror on Tripitaka’s face sending his disciples into three cackling messes, even you can’t help but chuckle at his expression. After hiking through the wilderness all day, your friends had set up in a moderately open space in the wooded terrain you’ve been travelling through.

This will be the last night you have to camp before arriving in the next major occupied space. Another kingdom awaits your group, but first you settle for the night in the seclusion of trees to rest. Cooking the rice a family had given you from a few days ago over the fire, and after some foraging, you all had taken seats around the fire to eat and talk.

Tripitaka sits against Ao Lie, who lies just behind him. “We have been on the road together for so long, and only now am I learning that all of my disciples have eaten human flesh?!”

“Many demons eat people, I find it more rare to meet one who doesn’t.” You shrug from your spot by the fire across from the monk. It does not surprise you as much to learn this, especially since the only vegetarian demons you know of are all in your company at the moment.

Pigsy lets out a sigh. “We are all strictly vegetarian now, even if I do miss the tender flavour of meat every now and again.” He looks into the fire, his eyes almost yearning until you whack his arm. “Hey!”

You offer an unapologetic smirk to the pig demon next to you, Wukong snickers on your left. “Maybe you shouldn’t work yourself up thinking about it, Pigsy.”

“But it’s difficult!” He complains, the look on his face wistful. “I can still remember the taste. I’ve only been a buddhist monk for a few years now, I’m not like you. How many years has it been since you have tasted meat?”

The question gives you a moment of pause. How long has it been now? “I honestly can’t remember if I’ve ever had it. I would have had to have been a child, then.”

A thought crosses your mind, and you can’t help but giggle. “I do remember a very close friend of mine, a boy named Da Jie. I had never met anyone who was so obsessed with food. He honestly could have eaten more than you, Bajie.” You shake your head, it isn’t often you think about those days.

“I highly doubt that.” Bajie snorts, crossing his arms with a prideful grin.

Sandy shoots you with an inquiring look. “Did this boy live in that village you mentioned by Potalaka Mountain?”

You freeze for a second, caught off guard by the question. “No, I knew Jie before I was a disciple of Guan Yin.”

“Before?” Wukong leans over, an inquisitive expression overtaking his features.

The campfire really is warm, isn’t it? You feel yourself sitting a bit straighter before answering. “…Yes, before. I had a life before I joined my master in her home.”

“I had just assumed you lived in that village by Guan Yin’s Mountain before joining her.” Wujing hums to himself a bit. “Where were you from before?”

The heat of the fire is certainly doing its job. “It, uh, it was a small village, not near any commonly-travelled roads. I don’t remember much, but there was a pond Da Jie and I would play by. On the way there he would chat my ear off, prattling about all the different plants we passed on the way and when we got there.” You smile as you recall those nights, and you can’t help but roll your eyes. “His father studied herbs for medicinal purposes, and Jie always had to repeat everything he learned. Sometimes if he found a flower he liked, he would ask his father what it was so he could tell me about its properties.”

“Flowers?” Pigsy grins, nudging you with his arm. “Sounds like more than just a friend.” He laughs, and Wukong reaches over you to swat him away.

He gives his brother a look laced with annoyance. “Stop that, they were only children children at the time–”

“I mean…” You trail off, glancing up at your friend to see his eyes practically bulging out of his head. All of them, in fact, shared the same look of disbelief. Even Ao Lie, who has been quietly picking at the grass beneath him, was almost staring into your soul.

All you can offer them is a shy smile. “You are right, Wukong, we were just kids…” The corner of your lips twitch, and you clear your throat. “…he may have liked me, and maybe I liked him, too. But it isn’t as though it matters anymore, they were just childish feelings. Even if he was still here, I am a buddhist monk, like the rest of you.”

“If it weren’t for you lot chastising me for it, I would have returned to my wife a long time ago.” Pigsy lets out a bark of laughter. “Wouldn’t you, as well?”

You take a moment before saying anything, playfully rolling your eyes and standing up. “I am going to find some more firewood, excuse me.”

Not waiting for a response, you turn to the woods to start gathering more wood. You aren’t entirely sure you will need more kindle for your flame, but it was getting much too hot in that seat. Any excuse for a walk in the cool night air is a welcome one.

Each of you have told numerous stories about each of your respective homes, you all enjoyed hearing about your friend’s life before meeting one another. Though, you guess all you’ve ever told them about was your life on Potalaka Mountain, so it makes sense they all seemed to be surprised you had another home. Still, you rarely ever think about back then, there isn’t much purpose in thinking about it.

Before you get too far, you hear the tang monk calling your name. Confused, you turn back to see Tripitaka hurriedly following after you. “Tripitaka?”

You pause long enough for the monk to catch up, the man glancing about at the shadows of the night. “It really is dark, I almost thought I wouldn’t catch up to you.” He laughs nervously, watching for movement from the corner of his eye.

“What are you doing out here?” You ask, and he turns back to face you.

“I thought I could help you.” He smiles, and you mirror the expression, albeit with a hint of confusion.

You turn to continue walking, the monk following behind. “Shouldn’t you have sent one of your disciples?”

“Perhaps, but I wanted to do it.” He responds. “Besides, I thought we could talk, too.”

“It sounds like you ‘thought’ of a lot of things.” You chuckle over his repeated use of the word.

The man shares your exhales quietly. “Yes, well I do tend to think a lot.” You glance back at him with a smile as he continues. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You ask, slowing your pace when you find wood for the fire.

Tripitaka crouches down with you to start collecting the materials. “I may not be the most… perceptive of our friends,” you look back at him with a sarcastic smile. At least he can be self aware, “but you appear to be tense.”

You frown at his words, surprised. Are you tense? You do feel somewhat taut, but that might just be because he brought it up. “I think that was the first time you’ve ever mentioned your old home.” You stand as he continues. “I hope none of my disciples were prying too much.”

“It’s alright.” You smile, your voice light as you continue your walk. “It’s all in the past now.” Looking back, you see your friend following closely behind you.

His brows furrow while he readjusts his hold on his firewood. “If that is true, may I ask what happened?”

You stop, eyes focused on the forest before you. “What do you mean?”

You hear him let out an awkward laugh. “I know I complain about the troubles we face out on the road, and even though this pilgrimage is the most difficult thing I have ever done, I also dealt with my own grievances back home. It feels as though, maybe, you understand that feeling as well.”

It takes you a moment to respond, your gaze trailing to the forest floor as you take a long breath. “Perhaps, but I have dealt with it, so there is no need to worry. It–” Your eyes shut tight as you feel your voice almost crack, and you shake your head. “It was all a many years ago, hundreds really. Before you were even born.” You look back to offer him a smile, but the expression is not returned.

“But it wasn’t hundreds of years for you.” His words make you freeze, but you quickly shake it off. Even if he is right, it’s been well over a decade. You hardly even remember it. “I understand that you prefer to avoid these more sensitive topics, but if you ever feel like it would help to share, I am here. I’ve often found that when you ignore the past, it can still find ways to haunt you.”

“I am not haunted by my past.” You turn back to face the monk, surprising him slightly with your tone. Hearing the harshness in your voice, you quickly step back to take a breath. “I don’t think about that time too often, there’s no point in letting myself get caught up in feelings over something that was so long ago.”

He frowns, the look he gives you worried. “That does not sound like ‘dealing’ with it.”

“Well, it is.” You strain your smile a bit before turning. “The past is in the past, Tripitaka. Now, why don’t we collect some more firewood? Come on, there’s more over there.” Without giving him the chance to argue, you walk ahead to continue with your harvest, the monk eventually following to do the same.

A silence stretches over the two of you while you gather more fuel for the fire, and you find yourself glancing over to your friend every now and then. You appreciate his concern, it really is touching to know how much he cares. But you feel it isn’t needed. If anything, hearing the man voice his concerns only served to cause more stress.

Sure, there may be moments where you feel some grief. The nightmares still prod at your mind some nights, but the same would happen to anyone if they were in your position.

The less you dwell on it, the better. After all, it’s like you said. The past is in the past.

~~~~

The sun rises early the next morning, the summer heat quickly warming the surrounding land as you continue your journey. By midday, you and your friends arrive in the next kingdom on your route to the Buddha’s monastery.

It takes some time to navigate the roads within the walls of the kingdom before arriving in the palace. Before passing the gates of the palace, you perch on Tripitaka’s shoulder in your avian form. At this point, it’s become second nature to you whenever you enter a kingdom.

The process of recertifying Tripitaka’s travel documents tends to be easier when people believe there is only one human in his group of demonic disciples. It also doesn’t help that you do not possess any papers of your own, so putting on the guise of a dove was a much simpler solution.

After requesting an audience, Tripitaka is led into the palace walls with the rest of your friends. Your group is led through the halls of the finely decorated home of the king, and you find yourself watching servants and officials pass you from your position on the monk’s shoulder.

Pigsy huffs as they walk down a corridor. “Does anyone else smell that potent odour?” He asks, scrunching his face with a grimace. “It’s disgusting.”

Monkey scoffs at the question. “And here I thought that repulsive odour was coming from you.”

“Hey!” The younger brother whines, which only makes the simian snicker.

Despite their complaining, the smell doesn't bother you– likely due to their senses being so much more heightened as demons. Even without their level of smell, though, you catch sight of what may be the source.

The potential answer comes in the form of a man hurriedly walking past, cradling a bundle of purple flowers in a cloth. Their petals are lobed, almost hooded in shape. You almost want to frown, recognising the plant. Is that… monkshood?

What a bizarre flower to be carrying, and without any gloves? Sure, he has a cloth, but still. He seems to be in a rush… where might he be delivering those flowers?

Maybe it’s simple curiosity that pokes at you, but nonetheless you feel the need to satisfy your question. Taking off from Tripitaka’s shoulder, you follow the man with the flowers in hand. You make sure to stay close to the ceiling, hiding up high as you shadow the man.

He rushes through the halls, stopping only for a moment to hum to himself, then take another turn into a new corridor. You follow until he leads you to an open space within the palace, a fragrant aroma overtaking the scent of the monkshood he carries. Several species of flora greet you as the man walks down a stone path leading further into what appears to be a garden.

It is quite a large space, housing some plants you recognise along with some foreign ones you do not. They all share vibrant colours, some soaking in the warmth of the sun while others rest in the shade of tall trees. On the far side of the garden, a small pond is accompanied by a crimson-painted wooden bridge connecting the stone path from one end of the water to the other.

A man stands alone on the bridge, watching over the water. His robes are a deep blue, embroidered in white intricate patterns. His hair falls down his back, save for what is held in place by what looks to be a crown with a pin. Once the man with the flowers sees him, he rushes to meet him on the bridge.

“Ah, I thought you might be here.” The man bows in greeting while you perch on a tree just behind the pond, hidden within the leaves and branches. “For you, my Prince.” Prince, huh?

You see the royal look down at the flowers, his silence not offering much of a response. With the two men’s backs facing you, it’s difficult to gather much of a reaction until he speaks. “…Is this meant to be a joke?”

The deliverer sounds startled. “I am sorry?”

“Whose idea was this?” The prince throws the flowers to the ground, his voice low.

The man steps back at the gesture, holding his hands up in defence when the prince stands over him. “I-I am not sure, I was not given a name.”

The Prince lets out an angered huff, turning back to face the water. “…You may leave, get out of my sight.” You blink, a little put off by his dismissal of the one you followed here. The man seems more-so relieved at the words, quickly scurrying away once given permission.

What a rude way to react to flowers, even something like monkshood. It is strange, though, who would gift such a plant to a prince?

“What are we watching?” You jump at the voice next to you, letting out a squeak before looking up to find a familiar monkey demon watching the prince.

Calming your racing heart, you return to your human form to give the simian an annoyed look. “Wukong, what are you doing here?”

“I noticed you fly off and got curious.” He shrugs, his voice hushed as he glances back at you with a grin. He's clearly amused by your reaction. “Why are you following some flowers?”

You reply with a whisper, turning your attention back to the man on the bridge. “It’s monkshood. The entire plant is toxic, even touching it with your bare hands is enough to absorb the poisons through the skin.” You frown as you explain as the man leans against the railing of the bridge. What is he doing, sulking?

Why, it can’t be over the flowers, could it? He looked the same before the man upset him with the gift. “Sounds to me like a threat.” Wukong hums, and you feel your frown deepen.

There’s something else about him, but you aren’t sure what it is. This off feeling, one you can’t place. Something you can see, but just can’t reach.

You look back to respond to Wukong before something catches your eye. Farther back, past your tree, you notice movement in the shrubbery of the garden. A crouching figure hidden in the garden looks out over a tall bush of flowers, their eyes trained on the man on the bridge.

The bow in their hands makes your eyes widen, an arrow already notched on the string. You turn back to look at the prince, the man none the wiser to his stalker. The figure takes aim.

You immediately leap into action, turning back to your dove form for a split second to reach the prince before turning back. “Get down!” You tackle the man to the ground, shielding him with your body just as the arrow flies past. 

Taking your own bow, you nock an arrow and jump to shoot where you last saw the assailant. Another arrow flies by, and you duck down just as it lodges into the railing behind you. They’re covered too well, you can’t take proper aim before they’re able to shoot. You frown for a moment in thought before realising what to do.

Taking dove form, you fly into the air. You soar over the top of the tree you hid in before. The stalker looks out in confusion, seeming to have lost sight of you. You turn back with bow in hand, shooting at the attacker before they can tuck back into their place of hiding. Your arrow catches a pinch of their clothing, making them fall back as the arrow pins them by their shoulder to the ground.

Working swiftly, you jump from the tree and run to the attacker with another arrow already notched in your bow. However, when you get to their place of hiding, all that is left behind is their ripped clothing that’s still pinned down by your arrow. You scan the grounds, but whoever had been here, they are nowhere to be found now.

“Guards!” The prince calls from the bridge, and you rush to check on the man. Whether he was hurt or not, he must be shaken.

You run back to the bridge as the prince stands up, using the railing to support himself.  He turns to face you as you approach. “Are you alright, sir? Here, let me soothe your–” Before you can finish, your words get caught in your throat.

The prince looks back at you with wide eyes, eyes you could never forget. Your chest tightens, a strange constriction twisting at your heart. The features of his face, though older, are nearly unmistakable. You take a step back, convinced this is some trick of the mind. It can’t be, it’s impossible. The last time you saw those eyes…

“You there!” You both turn to the voice of a guard, several behind him approaching quickly. “Step away from the prince!”

Shoot. The guards run to you, but before they can do anything, you take to your avian form and fly off. What was that? How– that prince, he looked just… just like Da Jie. Maybe you are only seeing things, making connections where there are none.

 This is not what was supposed to happen. You didn’t want to get involved in anything, you were only curious! If the others hear you were chased away by palace guards, you will never hear the end of it from Sun Wukong–

Wait, where did Sun Wukong go?! He was in the tree with you, wasn’t he? He didn’t even help! What, did you imagine that, too?! 

Nothing is making sense right now. You just need to find the others and get away from here, maybe then you will be able to clear your head. You never should have separated from them in the first place.

It takes some time to reunite with your friends. Navigating the palace from the outside after following the man from inside proves to be a bit of a challenge, but in time you find them at the palace gates. Tripitaka is pacing by Ao Lie while Sandy stands between Pigsy and Wukong.

The Monkey King rolls his eyes at his brother, seemingly in the midst of an argument. “Just keep your mouth shut tomorrow, pig.”

“There she is.” Sandy points up in your direction as you fly down. You turn back as you land, and Tripitaka is the first to approach you.

He takes hold of your shoulders. “Where have you been? We have to find a place to stay for the night.”

Stay? You look back at your friends in confusion. “What, why?”

“Bajie offended the king.” Wukong leans over Tripitaka’s shoulder, much to Pigsy’s irritation.

“He offended me first!” The pig demon argues, gesturing back towards the palace. “He called me ugly.”

“He said he’d never seen a face like yours before.” Sandy reminds him, stepping forward.

Pigsy snorts in annoyance at his younger brother. “That’s another way of calling me ugly, it was all in his tone!”

Tripitaka looks back at his disciples with a sigh before turning back to you. “In all honesty, this king seems to be more, uh… sensitive. I was in the middle of apologising on behalf of Bajie when someone came into the room saying there was something urgent that had to be brought to his attention. They had us leave and said to come back tomorrow.” Oh.

Oh…

Wukong narrows his eyes at you as your face shifts, the circumstances brought to the king clear to you. The monkey demon hums aloud. “You would not happen to know something about this urgent matter, hmm, Dove?”

“…Um…” You glance at the ground, then back to your friends. Tripitaka is slack-jawed, Wujing’s eyes have never been so open in shock. An ever-growing grin stretches across Wukong’s face while Pigsy lets out a bellowing laugh.

“And here I thought Brother Sun and I were the only troublemakers.” He cackles, and you feel your face grow warm at the notion.

Your hands rest at your hips. “I did not cause any trouble! I just… I was curious and– ugh!” Your head droops down, everything is just happening too fast. “I need a second to unravel my thoughts. Can I explain after we’ve found a place to sleep for the night?”

Tripitaka frowns, taking a second of silence before nodding. “Very well, we should go.” At his word, your group leaves the palace grounds in search of a place to stay the night.

While looking, you opt to stay in avian form. It is likely better not to be seen in public while staying here now. You can’t be sure that the prince understood you were there to help, it isn’t as though you stuck around to explain yourself. Running off was probably even more incriminating in those guards' eyes.

You eventually find a post house to stay the night in. Once inside, your friends find the hall your rooms are in and you resume your human form. Wukong is grinning as you turn to face your friends. “I thought you were just following some pretty flowers, how did you manage to cause such a ruckus?”

“I did no such thing.” You send him an icy glare before backtracking. “I mean, I did do something, but I was not the cause!” The Monkey King crosses his arms in amusement, the others sharing a confused look.

With a sigh, you start over. “I was in the palace gardens when I saw someone was in danger. I saved the man being attacked, but his assailant got away.”

Sandy hums at your story. “So, you thwarted an assault?”

“I think so?” Your brows furrow as you replay the encounter with the attacker in your head. “The man called for the guards and I flew away once he was safe with them. I only hope they didn’t assume I was running because I was guilty.”

“If that man you saved knew you were there to help, then he likely would have told them.” Tripitaka does his best to soothe your concerns, and you do your best to believe him.

“Yes… still, it might be better if I stay here when you go back tomorrow. To avoid any more confusion.” You smile sheepishly, embarrassed over getting involved in this mess in the first place. At least you were able to save him, that man…

“You may be right.” The man smiles with a shake of his head. “We should get some rest. I will see you all in the morning.” 

With Tripitaka’s dismissal, everyone goes into their rooms. All except Monkey, who insists he needs no sleep. You enter your room, finding a bed against the wall and a closed window opposite of the door. Finally now with a moment to breathe, you lay back on your bed with a deep sigh.

The moment you close your eyes, you see his face. You must have just imagined it, how could he look so similar to Jie? No, it must have been your mind playing tricks on you. Wukong doesn’t seem to have known about your little detour, your head must be elsewhere today. It wasn’t him, how could it be?

Even so… you don’t want to go back. Staying back will be better. Tripitaka can have his papers sorted in the morning, and you can all be out of here before noon. This will all be nothing more than some bizarre daydream.

~~~~

Knock knock.

You turn when you hear a knock at your window, the morning light trickling in while in the midst of brushing your hair. “Monkey?”

“Ready for a rude awakening?” He cocks one brow up from his seat on your window sill, arms crossed and one leg crossed over the other.

The Great Sage always knows the best way to greet a person. “Good morning to you, too.” You offer a smirk as you finish with brushing your hair.

“Two palace officials came into the post house this morning.”

The brush drops from your hand, and before the demon can blink, you’re pulling him into your room by the lapels. “What?!”

Wukong is completely unbothered by your panic, laying limp in your arms with that same smirk. “I noticed them heading towards yours and Master’s room. If they haven’t come to you yet, they’re likely talking to him.”

Your head whips back to the door, and you drop your friend in your rush to get to it. He grunts when he hits the floor, but you pay him no mind. Opening the door as quietly as you can, you peek your head out to see Wukong was telling the truth.

Two men stand at Tripitaka’s door, the monk facing them with a nervous expression. “We were told that you entered this post house with a bird that turned into a woman. Would you be family?” One of them asks, your heart dropping to your stomach.

Tripitaka nods hesitantly. “We are travelling companions… may I ask what business you have with her?” He glances over to your door from the side of his eye, his brows shooting up once he sees you poking your head out.

The other official follows his line of sight, his eyes brightening once he catches sight of you. “Ah, you there.” You glare at the monk, who shoots back an apologetic look. “You must be the archer from the palace gardens yesterday, correct?”

Reluctantly, you step out into the hall as they approach, trying your best not to look nervous. “Uh, yes, I am.” There isn’t much point in running, it’s not as if these two would pose any problems for you if it came down to a fight. These two are innocents, though, and you don’t want to cause any more problems than you already have.

All you have to do is explain yourself. “I hope there was no confusion with what happened yesterday, I was only–”

“You saved our Prince Jian Yu from an assassination attempt.” The first official smiles, making you blink a bit in surprise. So they do know? That’s one good thing, at least.

Tripitaka looks between you and the two men in surprise. “That was the prince?!”

The second official turns back to face Tripitaka with enthusiasm. “Yes! The prince was quite stirred by her courage, nobody has seen him in such high spirits in a long while. We have come on his behalf to request the woman’s hand in marriage.”

The silence that follows his words fills the hall as you and Tripitaka share an expression of utter bafflement.

The monk trips over his words, suddenly forgetting how to speak. “I-I-I am sorry. D-Did I m-mishear you? Did y– Did you say m-marriage?”

“Yes.” The man smiles, too content to notice the horror that invites itself into your stomach, or your other companions exiting their rooms. “The king has already sent for a matchmaker, and would like for the woman to return so that she may be made presentable. After all the arrangements are made and the two are married, your papers will be recertified and you can be on your way with the rest of your journey.”

Tripitaka lets out a nervous chuckle as Monkey comes out of your room. “Ah… but, you see, she is actually meant to be on this journey with us.” He tries to explain, only for the two men to look back at each other with a frown.

“Surely you and your demon disciples will be alright on your own, no?” The first one reasons, gesturing to your friends who seem to be confused over what is being discussed. 

Other than Wukong, who you are sure has been eavesdropping through your door this whole time. “I am sure she will enjoy the comforts of the palace in comparison to braving the wilderness every night.” Can they stop talking as though you aren’t standing next to them?!

“She gladly accepts!” Everyone turns as Wukong gives them their answer, pushing you towards them as your jaw goes slack from shock.

Everyone looks to your simian friend, the demon grinning proudly at each bug-eyed face that stares back at him. Never have you ever sent such a sharp glare to a person in your life. “Wukong?”

The damage, however, is already done. “Excellent! If you would join us, miss, we will take you back to the palace with us. You will be shown where you will be staying for the time being once we arrive.” The first official practically radiates with joy, taking your one hand while his partner takes the other.

“Wait, hold on–”

“Prince Jian Yu will be thrilled to hear you have accepted.” The other official hums, seemingly ecstatic at your nonconsensual acceptance to the offer.

You look back at your friends as you're dragged away, Wukong snickering as though this were some amusing joke. You glare with a burning anger you have not felt in ages, the familiar fire of hating that stupid simian rising up through the depths of your soul.

Immortal or not, you will find a way to skin that monkey.

[rebirthgarments]

Hi friends! We have a couple of updates to share. 

Firstly, Seraj needs more than $3,300 to pull off his final Ramadan project before Eid. He wants to distribute it on the last day of Ramadan, which is in 3 days, so we need to get to $20k ASAP! 

contribute at bit.ly/serajfund

The financial situation in Rah Fah continues to decline, with intermediaries taking a 15-17% cut when people get cash out. He is so hopeful that this project will work out! Helping others and bringing smiles to faces–especially those of children–is clearly one of Seraj’s passions. 

Here are the project details, all thought up by Seraj himself. He has amazing ideas! 125-130 cash envelopes containing either 50 or 100 shekels each. Seraj will distribute them based on how large each family is. Seraj will also make 40 envelopes for kids, each containing 20 shekels. 

Currently, Seraj’s plan is to distribute his envelopes on the last day of Ramadan, before Eid al-Fitr. Last time he tried to print something, the printer had no electricity. He has a plan this time for checking in early to make sure he has a chance to print. 

Working with Seraj on his mutual aid projects has been such a tangible reminder that we reject the notion of charity (which is very rooted in the white savior complex and pity of Black and Brown folx), and even allyship (not enough action)  instead are partners and collaborators with Seraj self directing, leading us, and constantly motivating us to to get to the next goal so he can achieve his vision! 

 Because Seraj and his family have managed to survive, he’s been able to give back. No NGOs or governments, just a 21-year-old young man helping as many of his neighbors as he can. In his words, “This is my duty, sisters, as long as I can help! Why don't I do that!”

Seraj is genuinely a superstar to everyone on our team. His generosity is humbling to us. We have so much to learn from Pale-eh -steinians. 

Secondly, we have a date for our upcoming virtual dance party! Mark your calendars for Monday, April 29th in the evening (Pacific time). Sky is hosting this event to hype up our virtual auction for Seraj. Follow Sky on Instagram for more details @rebirthgarments or @radicalvisibilitycollective

If you’d still like to contribute items to the auction, go to bit.ly/fundraiserforseraj ! Seraj’s Support Soirée would like to offer an item or service for every budget. And we encourage a wide variety of dough-nation types! While many of them will be creative objects, they do not have to be.

Some examples:

a book you love or wrote

a framed photograph

a massage (local area bidders only)

a meditation session

a piñata

a tarot reading

a t-shirt you love or designed

stickers

a virtual lesson on social media marketing

visual art

a virtual dance lesson

Your items will be listed this week on Give Butter! (stay tuned for details!) 

Our support soiree dance party will hype up the auction featuring selections from the archives of Rebirth Garments fashion performances while you can dance with Sky!

Thank you so much for being here for Seraj. He and his family are so deeply grateful for all of the ways folks have supported them and partnered with them to help others. And our team is so thankful for how you all have stepped up. Please share and contribute! 

-Written by my team member Bex with additions by me!

[image Description: a flyer featuring a photo by Seraj of a small little kid with a blue plastic bag full of fresh fruits and vegetables. The kiddo has a heart emoji over their face and is smiling really big. They are wearing a red shirt that says “sleep time” with a sleeping bear on it. They are standing on a sandy ground in front of a tent. Text to the right of the photo on a red background reads: Gaza Sky Seraj’s mutual aid project for Ramadan in Rah-fah For part 2 of Seraj’s Ramadan project, he gave out 32 food parcels for 32 families around him in the displacement camps. Send support to his family + others! bit.ly/serajfund “ Underneath is a QR code with the link. ]

[luckynightdinosaur]

Predvember Day 4

Prompt: No _____ of mine

Word Count: 1k

Summary: Remembering that day.

Pairing: F x M

Tags: comfort, cuddling, late night talks, past exile

Warnings: (past) transphobia, dead-naming, violence

"Mother, I have something to tell you," Ban'tha-di says, shifting uncertainly from foot to foot. Such anxiety is uncharacteristic of her, but what she has to say, she feels, is very important.

Her bearer looks over at her, nodding in acknowledgement. "Okansche. It is good to see you. What is it that is on your mind?"

Ignoring the use of her old name, Ban'tha-di speaks. "I have decided that I…am no longer a male. My name is no longer Okansche, and I…am a female."

Abruptly, Ransca-di's demeanor shifts. "If this is some kind of joke, then I must tell you that it is highly unamusing."

"It is not a joke, mother," Ban'tha-di insists, shaking her head. "This…is what I am. I have always thought that something was wrong, for my entire life, and now I realize what it is. What it's always been."

"Don't be ridiculous," Ransca-di barks, the Matriarch looming to her full height, glaring down at Ban'tha-di, who can't help but flinch away from her wrath.

"How can you proclaim something so disrespectful? What you are saying is blasphemous. A female? You?"

"Mother, please-" Ban'tha-di begins to speak, her words cut off as the older female abruptly backhands her, sending her crashing to the floor. She can taste blood in her mouth as she struggles to raise herself onto her elbows.

As her mother's shadow falls over, she looks up weakly, almost choking on the scent of aggression radiating from her.

"Tell me. You don't truly believe what you are saying?" Ransca-di demands.

At Ban'tha-di's silence, she growls.

"To think that I have birthed such an abomination….No. You are no son of mine, and you certainly aren't my daughter. Such nonsense you spout. This clan does not need such a weak, foolish yautja among its ranks."

Her mandibles tighten, her expression a blend of emotions - hatred, disgust, contempt. "Leave this place, Okansche, and do not return. If you ever show your disgraceful face here again..…I will kill you."

With this, the Matriarch turns away, stalking to her quarters.

Even as Ban'tha-di is grabbed and yanked roughly backwards by the Enforcers present, even as she tries to call for Ransca-di to wait, to reconsider… she doesn't look back.

•••

The memory-dream causes Ban'tha-di's eyes to snap open.

For a moment, she is still there, the scents and sounds sharp and real. Her face throbs in remembrance, her heart twisting in her chest.

And then she is aware of the soft furs under her back, aware of the familiar scent of her home.

Even as she reassures herself she is safe, her thoughts are still troubled, remembering that fateful day.

It was the last time that Ban'tha-di ever saw her bearer.

She lays in her nest, staring blankly up at the ceiling of the ship.

Around her, it's quiet.

The only sounds that can be heard are the even breaths of her slumbering clan mates and the ever present hum of the ship.

Beside her, A'ytu-thwei shifts, his weight pressing into her side. She turns over so she can face him, and A'ytu-thwei stirs, the sandy yellow yautja wrapping an arm around Ban'tha-di's waist and pulling her closer to him.

She involuntarily tenses, her brooding thoughts and painful memories causing her to react without thinking, and her lover makes a noise of confusion, his grip loosening a bit.

"Is something wrong?" He murmurs to her, his voice thick with sleep.

"No. I am sorry for waking you, mate," she tried to reassure him, but he sits up a little, anway.

"Tell me. What troubles you?"

She sighs. "I am just thinking…about my mother," she admits, very aware of A'ytu-thwei's opinion of the older female.

Therefore, she's not surprised when his arm tightens around her again, and he pulls her more firmly against him.

"She does not deserve a singular one of them," he tells her.

"No, she does not," she agrees. "Still, I find myself thinking about her more and more lately."

"She is getting up there in age, is she not?" A'ytu-thwei inquires, tilting his head.

"Yes. She is almost a millennium old, now," Ban'tha-di nods.

"Hmph."

For a moment, it's quiet.

"I hope she wanders in the dark forever upon her death, for what she did to you," A'ytu-thwei rumbles, finally.

Ban'tha-di frowns. "I doubt that she will. She did not break the code. She is not an ic'jit."

"May as well be," Her mate replies stubbornly.

"What did she do?" A few spaces away, another voice sleepily speaks up.

It seems that she and A'ytu-thwei's conversation has awoken one of the other members of the clan, a human woman by the name of Raelynn.

"She banished Ban'tha-di," A'ytu-thwei replies. "She does not believe that one can be a different sex than the one assigned to them at birth."

"Banished? Just because she couldn't accept Ban'tha-di for who she is? What a cunt," Raelynn huffs, her brown eyes narrowing.

Ban'tha-di resists both the urge to snort in amusement at the statement, and the urge to automatically come to her mother's defense.

Not only was Raelynn's statement…. accurate, but her mother didn't need defending. Especially not from her mouth.

She has spent too many cycles already attempting to justify her cruel actions in her own mind.

"Yes. What a cunt," A'ytu-thwei agrees, chittering when Ban'tha-di elbows him lightly.

"At least you have us," Raelynn pipes up again. "For what it's worth."

"Yes, you are right," Ban'tha-di agrees, her mandibles curling into a wry smile.

It's been five cycles since she was banished. Five cycles since she joined the Dark Void Clan, and met her adoring mate.

Since then, she's known nothing but kindness and acceptance. Something she never expected from a group of Bad Bloods, of all things, but it was true.

Yes, she does have them, and she is grateful for it.

She lays back down, curling into A'ytu-thwei's embrace, the sound of her mate's purr soothing her to sleep.

Her dreams are peaceful, this time.

[icy-watch]

final thinggg just me sobbing and also absolutely eating the delicious whump this episode like he's literally that meme "out here living my best life" "Macaque is dying" "this ain't about him" rest assured, it will happen again. if I drank a sip of water for every whump/flopped on the ground dead this monkey was, I would be soooo hydrated. with how scared he is this episode you'd think this moron would have a smidge more self preservation or tried harder last time, like how hard is it to kidnap a meditating Wukong or y'know, NOT goad MK into trying harder to fight you? but he's kind of been banging pots and pans all season saying he don't wanna do this at ALL get him outta there bro just wants to live. its honestly funny because if you're thinking "but he DID legit try to hand MK over before being weirdly ambiguous and also wanting LBD to get beat" YEAH THATS HIS PROBLEM. he only sees two outcomes and keeps double dating them, weird way to phrase it I know, while also being driven by self-interest. constant conflict of interest until he finally brings himself to this point of being on the Very Edge and straight up loses it more from stress and anxiety. what happens if the bone consumes him? tick tock, he's on a timer. he wants the Samadhi fire to use himself? why not share it w the gang? bro where do you THINK the fire is going to go, one time use? "humanity is going to need to find something else?" uh huh, I know they don't trust you but maybe if you ask nicely to let them burn away your chains for you. he thinks he can just use the fire and ditch "be free of this nightmare" as he said buuuuuuuut it ain't that easy. there's still two other parties in this game and you are stuck in the PLOT. there are no free choices to break away from the narrative silly lol. that's like someone wanting to break the fourth wall from how little he wants to follow either path which makes something from S4 even funnier. but you see the moment of realization in the 3rd special. he's been having a lot of those lately too thanks to the power of friendship Monkie Gang uses. breaking down those impressions whoo, they're not like you or Wukong. also its SO evil how we see LBD's power also go towards his blind eye and we see the skull motif again, the eyes flickering sound effect sounding like a faulty lightbulb?? the face he makes like he's about to be sick and throw up? honestly Wukong makes me want to throttle him next ep in a / exasperated non-hater way bc everybody keeps misreading Macracker... "And Macaboo. He's really going to have to try and stop Team Monkie if he wants to live." oh Icy :) as if Macatalyst has ever been good at doing what the LBD says, and not just bc he's Champion of taking Ls. you should really bonk him on the head and send him to Sandy's for therapy, tea and cats.

You should go back and rewatch every episode with Mackaroo and drink some water for every whump/flop. Hydrate yourself.

Poor Macamoo. He really needs a lot of help.

[lessthanimpressedlesbian]

Irreplaceable

“Are you sure you… want me there?”

Imogen’s eyes widen in shock, dread and anxiety simmering in her stomach. “What do you mean?”

She watches as Laudna looks between herself and FCG, her discomfort evident even to the robit healer. Imogen mentally asks Letters to give them some space, nodding when they tell her they’ll be right outside the door, just in case. 

Once they’re alone, Imogen sits next to Laudna on the bed. She nudges the other woman with her shoulder, silently asking Laudna to continue. 

Laudna refuses to meet her eyes, instead fidgeting with her hair and glancing at the relatively barren room. Fondness tugs at Imogen’s heart at the sight. 

“Well, you know,” Laudna stutters out, her hands even more expressive than usual. “I just don’t know if I’m really the person you want helping you with your dreams, anymore.” Her hands drop to her lap, wringing together as the rest of her body tenses and curls in on itself. 

Imogen grabs one of Laudna’s hands, pulling it to her chest. “Why wouldn’t you be, honey?”

Laudna swallows hard, her eyes panicking as she struggles to get the physical words out. Imogen gently opens their connection, mentally encouraging her to send through whatever thoughts she can’t quite make into words. 

Well, she says hesitantly. Letters was with you in this last nightmare— which I’m very curious to know how— and I know they wrote in my notebook after your nightmare in Bassuras. Laudna tenses, looking ready to pull her hand from Imogen’s grasp. 

Imogen’s heart stutters, regret leaving a bitter taste in the back of her throat. “Oh honey,” she whispers before pulling Laudna into her, wrapping her arms around the other woman as tightly as she dares. “There’s no one else I’d rather have with me than you.” She speaks the words directly in Laudna’s ear, wanting her to hear the weight of them. Imogen pulls back slightly, one hand reaching to cup Laudna’s face and tilt it until she looks once more into Imogen’s eyes. 

“Letters has been casting this spell every night that lets him come into my dreams.” She gently brushes her thumb across Laudna’s cheek. “And I’m so sorry about the journal. I didn’t realize how stupid and selfish I was bein’, and I hope you can forgive me for that.” Imogen looks down in shame, memories of their falling out coming to mind. She shakes them away when Laudna rests a hand on her arm, squeezing lightly. 

You had every right to be upset with me, Laudna thinks clearly, her eyes shining with unshed tears. But I forgive you for the journal. I know it’s difficult for you to write after them. From through their connection, Imogen sees herself gasping awake, her hands shaking so badly she can’t even hold the cup of water Laudna always brings to her. 

Imogen nods, shame still licking at the bottom of her stomach. She lowers her hand from Laudna’s face, instead resting on her shoulder, her fingers playing with some wayward strands of hair. Her dearest friend looks back, her eyes unfocusing for a bit as she gets lost in thought. 

Why was Letters casting that spell every night? How long has that been going on? Laudna chews on her lip, her shoulders curling in again, though perhaps not as much as before. Imogen nealy balks at the question, only steadying herself when she feels the insecurity pulsing through their shared bond. 

 “Just the last few days,” Imogen assures, licking her lips. “I couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping after you- died.” Imogen chokes on the word before swallowing back a sob. “I didn’t wanna be alone if I ever saw you walkin’ into that storm.” Flashes of Laudna laid out on the sandy street— black ichor pouring out from the gaping wound in her chest— escape through the connection, taking with it all the anguish and fear and loss that Imogen never wants to feel again. 

Laudna recoils, her eyes widening in surprise and sorrow. Darling, I’m so sorry. 

Imogen raises a hand, stopping whatever else Laudna wants to say. “Don’t,” she whispers. “I never wanna lose you again, but I don’t think I can talk about that right now.”

Laudna nods, her lips pulling down in a deep frown. Imogen grabs one of Laudna’s hands again, bringing it up to her lips to press a soft kiss against her knuckles. 

“I want you with me in my dreams, honey,” Imogen whispers. “I really do. But I don’t wanna put that on you right now.” She blinks away a few tears. “We just got you back. I don’t want you dealing with my shit after everything Delilah put you through.” Imogen smiles bitterly into Laudna’s hand, finding some modicum of relief from the familiar coolness she almost lost forever. 

The other woman takes Imogen in, her eyes tracing over every feature and leaving Imogen feeling like an exposed nerve. 

While I appreciate the concern, Laudna sends through their connection. I don’t want you to go through this alone, and I don’t particularly like feeling… replaced.

Imogen’s eyes go wide with shock, another crack forming in her heart at the despair she feels, both on her own and through their mental link. “Laudna, no one could ever replace you,” she nearly laughs out, her voice wet with tears. She drops Laudna’s hand, reaching once more to cup the other woman’s face. “You’re my person. Who else’ll bring me water or put on puppet shows for me?” 

Laudna’s body finally relaxes, leaning her cheek into Imogen’s warm palm before turning to kiss it briefly. Tears stream down her face, though Imogen knows these aren’t borne from pain or fear. 

“I love you,” she whispers into Imogen’s palm, her lips smiling against Imogen’s skin. 

Imogen practically beams, pulling Laudna in until their foreheads rest together. “I love you too,” she whispers. “Always.”

[littleprincessfawn]

Trying to get back in touch with my sexuality, because I feel like my sense of self and my sexual side has taken a beating over the years from how badly my ex-husband treated me and then messed with my head.

I'm thinking back to the daydreams and fantasies I used to have as a teenager, you know, when you first start developing urges and feelings like that?

A list of fantasies under the cut ->

One of my most played fantasies was a kind of dark guardian angel, a male with black angel wings, wavy black hair, who would come and protect me. He lived in a stary night time realm. He could read my thoughts and he could feel when I cried or was scared and he would send his presence to comfort me. He appeared to me in dreams. I think his name was Damian. (Side note, no wonder I loved the Court of Mist & Fury book by Sarah J Maas so much!) The concept of this dark guardian angel protector figure lives deep in my soul and is maybe my most romantic/deep fantasy that means the most to me. I know he wasn't real but the idea of him got me through my dark times of childhood (looking back I consider my young teenage hood as childhood as I absolutely should have been protected by adults but I was not). Sometimes this dark saviour was linked to crows/ravens. Sometimes he was a vampire.

Another fantasy was me being a fallen angel, my wings injured or sometimes even ripped off, and a ranger found me in his forest. The ranger tended to be kind of gruff/blunt/quiet and had brown hair and stubble. He would take me back to his cabin in the woods, even though he hated people, but he had to heal me. Sometimes he kidnapped me and was cruel or kept me chained up, sometimes he was caring and sweet. In all my fantasies though he tended to my wounds and took care of me as I slowly healed, and he helped encourage me to fly again.

Another fantasy was of an Elvish Prince or noble son who would find me hiding in a tree and fuck me up on the tree branches. Idk what was with that. I guess I like nature? He would have long hair, either light brown or sandy blonde. Sometimes I'd be a peasant human or elf girl and be his childhood friend that he protected from bullies. Sometimes I'd be a stranger, a human princess who was lost.

Ohhh that reminds me another fantasy I had about being a runaway or exiled princess who was lost in the forest with a torn princess dress. All manner of things might happen to me, evil queens dominating me and poisoning me and keeping me as their slave girls, strong warrior men finding me and protecting me or degrading me (or a mixture of both!).

One fantasy I often had in some variation was either being a spoiled princess or a shy servant girl and there was a royal wizard who made me his apprentice. I was thirsty to learn magic to become powerful and he was happy to teach me... if I paid him with being able to use my body. As a spoiled princess he would humble me, it would be hate-fucking until he fell in love with me and I revealed I had a crush on him all along, I just acted like a brat. If I was a servant girl I was quiet, obedient, loyal and took whatever punishment he gave totally submissively, earning his grudging respect, and he encouraged me to step into my power.

I also had fantasies involving women, I mean first was of course meeting Lara Croft or Angelina Jolie and being taken for a ride on her motorcycle, and then she kisses me and corrupts me and I become her sidekick.

I definitely wanted to be Gabrielle to a Xena. I still very much have that Gabrielle type persona when I have a crush on someone, the loyal sunshine follower archetype.

I did often fantasise about a cruel witch or unseelie Fae princess or queen who would abuse me, slap me, whip me, chain me up, humiliate me in front of fantasy creatures and degrade me while I bore it all stoically, showing quiet grace that she could never take away from me. Lots of kissing and fae fruits.

Oh and don't even get me started on the sexual fantasies I had about being Persephone in Hades underworld with the pomegranate seeds. There's a reason pomegranate is my favourite fruit. In my fantasies he might have thought he was abducting me, but I always went willingly, though I may not have told him. I refused to tell him how attracted I was to him because I didn't want to give in, not to his lust, not to his power, until eventually he humbled himself before me and confessed his deep love for me, offering me the role of being by his side as his equal, as his queen. Only then did I tell him I loved him too, that I would willingly be his consort, and submit to him sexually.

I definitely had a thing for teacher/mentor and student/apprentice dynamic, and still do. I read a ton of Snape/Hermione fan fiction in those early days. I loved a stern teacher, or an encouraging teacher, who pushed me to be my best, to aim for perfection. And would punish me if I did wrong. I loved being a teachers pet. I still do, and had crushes on some of my university lecturers.

Oh the priestess fantasy! Okay I often had a fantasy either being a Greek priestess of a cult like maybe Diana, or later a priestess of Ishtar (once I learned of Ishtar/Inanna/Astarte, I think I was 18 then) and being a kind of forbidden fruit, a sacred holy woman. And some hot soldier and I having BIG lust between us but not giving in to temptation... until we finally do.

I fantasised and wrote erotica about Jeannie and Major Nelson from I dream of Jeannie, the idea of being some guys magical devoted sexy slave and calling him Master? Yes please!

These are all the fantasies I can remember for now, I'll add more if I remember any, but they were all the main things that I thought of, daydreamed about, got myself off to. Thinking about all of them now makes me feel good, they feel like my true desires, not impacted by other people.

[wolfie-2013]

This is part 2 of my Spider-Man Todoroki Au idea . This part will detail a bit of what happens at UA.

UA eventually starts up. And he decides that he’s going to have to keep his identities separate. Though after a while Nezu does start to suspect something. (Another thing, he embraces his fire as spider man, his mentor basically told him that he can’t truly help people if he’s not giving it his all) His spider suit is always worn underneath his hero costume, And the mask and gloves are kept in one of the compartments. Shouto is his normal quiet self, though he doesn’t use his fire (as Shouto the hero student) until the sports festival cause he’s still a petty asshole. He’s also very lucky that none of his villains or any anomalies has attacked while in school.

The night that stain happened he was thinking about going out as Spider-Man to look for stain but then Endeavor brought him out to hosu.

He felt guilty about bakugou getting kidnapped at the training camp. He thought it was his fault and that he could have saved him if he didn’t have to worry about the secret identity. He was so close to going to go and save bakugou as Spider-Man but then kirishima approached him with the plan.

Once the dorms were put in place, it became harder for him to sneak out to be spider-man, But he still snuck out and was japans friendly neighborhood Spider-‘Man. Sometimes his classmates will notice the bruises he gets but he can brush it off and say it was from training the day before. Mind you none of them suspect a thing or even get close to connecting the dots, because as Spider-Man shouto is loud, witty, snarky, and sometimes a bit cocky.

Eventually, Class 1a and maybe even class 1 b are taken to another training site that is similar to the USJ. Everything is going perfectly normal, Until an orange and red hexagonal portal appears right by the roof of the dome. And a version of one of spideys villains falls from it, It’s sand man.

Jirou would send a frequency wave at him, (certain sound frequencies can cause sandman’s form to become unstable), but she is taken out quickly (as in knocked out).

Shouto was in a group with shoji, momo, Mina, and monama, they also pick up the injured Jirou. They run to a hiding spot, and shouto knows that the gig is up.

While everyone is trying to come up with a plan, shouto slips behind them and strips out of his hero costume,putting his suit on full display.

“ watch my stuff, I have A plan”. the others turn towards him, but by then he’s already gone. His hero costume is sloppily folded up along with his gear. The only sign of where he went is a singular web hanging from the ceiling. The web is still swaying slightly.

So all they see is the lone web, and they immediately understand what is going on.

Shouto- ahem, I mean Spider-man is now swinging around the scene. While up above he sees Aizawa’s futile attempts at shutting down sand man’s “quirk” as well as several of his classmates attempting to attack the villain. (Specifically bakugou and midoryia, who are only pissing Sandman off) Also while he’s swinging around, he uses the Goober to contact Spider Society HQ. Tells Miguel that there’s an anomaly but he has it handled, though it is possible that the whole secret identity thing was just thrown out the window.

Spider-Man swings up to the ceiling and perches himself upon the rafters. He calls out to sandman. “Hey, Sandy! You’re at the wrong beach!”

He swings down from the rafters landing in front of Aizawa and the rest of his classmates. “ You need to gather up the rest of your class and get out of the way! Let me deal with him!”

Sandman swings his arm down in a hammer like form, Spider-Man flips away from the attack, while Aizawa and the rest of class A and some of B run or leap out of the way.

Aizawa glares at the vigilante that has been eluding the Heroes for over a year. “ Why would I do that? I’m their teacher, it’s my duty to protect them.”

Another swing of sandman’s arm, he flips away once more. “You Did see that he fell FROM a portal in the sky, Right? He’s-“ another dodge “from a completely different dimension, and the one he’s from doesn’t have quirks!”

“Now, Go round up the students! I know that you’re all hero hopefuls and stuff, but you need to let the professionals deal with this.”

Bakugou opens his mouth to start yelling and throw a hissy fit. Midoryia’s face hardens in a way that means he’s going to do what he plans to anyways. Thank god for Aizawa who seems to actually have a bit of common sense bouncing around in his head.

“Midoryia, Bakugou stand down. Nothing that we’ve done to this thing has worked. We need to regroup and make sure that no one is injured”

Spider-Man, who is now swinging around the dome shouts to the teacher, “I have a plan! But I’ll need you and all of your students in one spot to make it work.” The masked vigilante points over to a somewhat secluded area on the east side of the building. “ there’s a group of your students over there. Round everyone up, I’ll distract the Killer Sand castle!”

The whole time Spider-Man is quipping away. Iida makes a comment that “he doesn’t seem like he’s taking this villain seriously, how unprofessional”

The classes are eventually grouped up and brought over to where Shouto originally left Momo, Shoji, Monoma, Mina, and a now partially awake but definitely concussed Jiro.

Now, Shouto remembered something that the Spider-man from the ultimate universe had said, Sandman, and sand in general, is a silicate. Meaning that if you heat it up enough, it will eventually turn into glass. “And no this will not kill him,” Ultimate-Peter says, “I’ve had to deal with him several times since then.”

Spider-Man swings down to his clas- he means the students. Turning specifically to Momo.

“I need you to create a flame thrower, specifically one from the World War II era.”

Momo, who is still processing that the spider themed vigilante was the quiet dual quirked classmate she had come consider her friend, started creating the flame thrower. The heroine in training handed him the finished Flame thrower. Spider-Man webbed it to his back and swung up to the rafters once more.

“Hey SandMan!”

The displaced villain turned to the arachnid with an annoyed scowl cemented on his face.

“Eat this!” He aimed the flame thrower at the Sand based villain and turned the fuel up as high as he could. Before everyones eyes, Sandman’s form began to solidify until it became a blue tinted-clear in color.

He turned off the flame thrower, webbing it to his back once more, and leapt down to the floor. He lifted his wrist up, tapping at the goober for a second before speaking,

“This is Spider-Man of Earth-2016 reporting to HQ, do you copy?”

“This is HQ, what is the status of the anomaly?”

“He’s been dealt with, but he’s fragile right now. So you might want to be a bit careful during transport.”

There was a deep sigh that came from the goober. “You followed Spider-Man from Earth-12041’s advice didn’t you?”

“Yeah, is there a problem?”

“No, it’s just….annoying. Anyways, we’re coming for transport now, step back” the Black Blue and Red spider took several steps back,

Another orange hexagonal portal formed, a dark grey circular device fell from it. The device hovered above the villain’s glass figure. A red glowing net surrounded the statues form. A second later it along with the portal was gone.

“We got him, thanks for dealing with him.”

“It’s no problem”

With that the goober was hung up with a beep.

He turned towards the group of hero hopefuls and the two full fledged heroes. Aizawa and Vlad paid no attention to him, instead it seemed as if they were doing a headcount. A pit formed in his stomach. Vlad nodded, all of his class was present with no major injuries.

Aizawa, on the other hand, his scowl had deepened, Shouto hadn’t known that it was possible for his teacher to do that, narrowed eyes sweeping over the class. Jirou was the only one that was seriously injured.

“Where’s todoroki?” His teacher asked. He saw the members of his group send worried glances to each other and then to him. Guess the gig is up, he sighed.

“I’m right here.” The moment he spoke up all 41 sets of eyes were on him like a moth to a flame. He slowly reached up and took off the mask, revealing his face to the crowd before him. He doesnt get a chance to fully take off the mask, he can see and hear police sirens going off outside the building. He yanks the mask back down, and as a precaution he webs it to his neck.

The officers storm in along with the EMT’s. The EMT’s go straight to the injured students, but the police stare at the training site with confused faces. Then they see him. Spider-man doesnt even get a chance to react before they have him surrounded. His arms are pinned behind him, and he can feel an officer fiddling with the Goober on his wrist.

“Hey, get your hands off of that! That is a one of a kind device that you don't have the money or technology to fix if it gets broken!”

The officer just glares at him, but he does stop trying to remove the Goober. Good Miguel would kill him if it got taken.

A pair of metal restraints are harshly placed on his forearms, and he has to hold back a hiss of pain at the pressure that they’re putting on his spinnerets. ‘Probably Quirk suppressant cuffs, it’s not like they're gonna do anything though.’ He could easily break the cuffs and get away, but with his luck he’d probably become a fugitive of the nation of Japan.

The officers are about to drag him away when he hears Aizawa clear his throat.

“You’re not taking him to the station.”

“He’s a vigilante, there is a warrant for Arrest out for him.”

“I understand that, but he still saved both of these classes' lives along with my own and Vlad king’s. I would like to have him questioned and dealt with at UA.”

The cops were silent for a moment but they agreed to let Aizawa take him to UA as long as he was kept in the Quirk suppressant cuffs. The officers walked away from the scene.

Aizawa walked over to him and took him by the shoulder.

“Thank you, Mr.Aizawa.”

His stoic teacher just looked at him. “You may be a problem child, but you are my problem child. Though this doesn't mean that you are out of trouble yet.”

[ogsherlockholmes]

29th October

I have been so excited to write about Culverton Smith because he is so different from all the other antagonists, and so is the story, The Dying Detective. 

The story begins with Sherlock being close to dying from a tropical disease and he orders Watson to get Dr Culverton Smith, who apparently is an expert. Smith is not happy to see Watson. 

‘My humble name and title did not appear to impress Mr. Culverton Smith. Through the half-open door I heard a high, petulant, penetrating voice. “Who is this person? What does he want? Dear me, Staples, how often have I said that I am not to be disturbed in my hours of study?... Well, I won’t see him, Staples. I can’t have my work interrupted like this. I am not at home. Say so. Tell him to come in the morning if he really must see me...Well, well, give him that message. He can come in the morning, or he can stay away. My work must not be hindered.”

Diva doctor much. Quite similar to modern day British healthcare really. 

And when Watson enters, he’s even worse. 

‘With a shrill cry of anger a man rose from a reclining chair beside the fire. I saw a great yellow face, coarse-grained and greasy, with heavy, doublechin, and two sullen, menacing gray eyes which glared at me from under tufted and sandy brows. A high bald head had a small velvet smoking-cap poised coquettishly upon one side of its pink curve. The skull was of enormous capacity, and yet as I looked down I saw to my amazement that the figure of the man was small and frail, twisted in the shoulders and back like one who has suffered from rickets in his childhood. “What’s this?” he cried in a high, screaming voice. “What is the meaning of this intrusion? Didn’t I send you word that I would see you tomorrow morning?”’

However, this changes when Watson mentions Sherlock, and Smith decides he’s okay with his ‘studies’ being disturbed. But, he’s not upset to hear that Sherlock’s ill, and puts on an act. 

‘I [Watson] caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror over the mantelpiece. I could have sworn that it was set in a malicious and abominable smile. Yet... he turned to me an instant later with genuine concern upon his features. “I am sorry to hear this,” said he. “I only know Mr. Holmes through some business dealings which we have had, but I have every respect for his talents and his character. He is an amateur of crime, as I am of disease. For him the villain, for me the microbe. There are my prisons,” he continued, pointing to a row of bottles and jars which stood upon a side table. ”Among those gelatine cultivations some of the very worst offenders in the world are now doing time.”’

It’s not suspicious at all to be an ‘expert of diseases’ and have a collection of poison in your house. 

Smith visits Sherlock whilst Watson is hiding in the closet (pun intended). He shakes Sherlock awake, an example of excellent bedside manner, and discusses how Sherlock’s disease killed his nephew. But, Sherlock knows Smith killed his nephew, and Smith doesn’t even try to defend himself.

“Well, you [Sherlock] couldn’t prove it, anyhow. But what do you think of yourself spreading reports about me [Smith] like that, and then crawling to me for help the moment you are in trouble? What sort of a game is that—eh?...You’re precious near your end, my friend, but I don’t want you to go till I have had a word with you. That’s why I give you water. There, don’t slop it about! That’s right. Can you understand what I say?”

This is followed by some very creepy dialogue of Smith admitting to giving Sherlock the disease through the post (death next day delivery I suppose). 

“You are proud of your brains, Holmes, are you not? Think yourself smart, don’t you? You came across someone who was smarter this time. Now cast your mind back, Holmes. Can you think of no other way you could have got this thing [diseease]?” “I can’t think. My mind is gone. For heaven’s sake help me!” “Yes, I will help you. I’ll help you to understand just where you are and how you got there. I’d like you to know before you die...Painful, is it?...Well, you can hear what I say, anyhow. Listen now! Can you remember any unusual incident in your life just about the time your symptoms began?” “No, no; nothing.” “Think again.” “I’m too ill to think.” “Well, then, I’ll help you. Did anything come by post?” “By post?” “A box by chance?...You must hear me. You shall hear me. Do you remember a box—an ivory box? It came on Wednesday. You opened it—do you remember?” “Yes, yes, I opened it. There was a sharp spring inside it. Some joke—” “It was no joke, as you will find to your cost. You fool, you would have it and you have got it. Who asked you to cross my path? If you had left me alone I would not have hurt you...But you have the truth now, Holmes, and you can die with the knowledge that I killed you. You knew too much of the fate of Victor Savage, so I have sent you to share it. You are very near your end, Holmes. I will sit here and I will watch you die.”

Fortunately, Sherlock doesn’t die just yet, and he asks Smith to turn the gas lamp on and to give him a cigarette. Sherlock recovers, since he was never ill in the first place, and Smith just gave the signal for the police to come in when he turned the gas lamp on. Smith still refuses to back down. 

‘“A nice trap!” cried the high, snarling voice. “It will bring you into the dock, Holmes, not me. He asked me to come here to cure him. I was sorry for him and I came. Now he will pretend, no doubt, that I have said anything which he may invent which will corroborate his insane suspicions. You can lie as you like, Holmes. My word is always as good as yours.”’ 

Remember Watson in the closet? He comes out -pun also intended- and saves the day since he heard the entire conversation. 

Too bad Culverton Smith. 

[crimsonblackrose]

Oh ho! He is upset that Scott was kidnapped. Also major kudos to Control for finally saying “It’s not me you’re really mad, is it?” Because Mr. McCall does that every single time.

Look at him all worried about his friend.

I’ve seen this movie before. Beauty has been imprisoned, now where’s the beast? 🤣

I love these two. I appreciate that Control is helping. I mean he always helps but he and Robert both kind of suck when it comes to Scott....maybe actually the person who should save him is Mickey. Mickey is the only one who can placate everyone in this oddball family.

There’s too much at stake here, I’m going to ask you a favor Robert, will you head up this operation?

Control...Should the guy pissed off because these people accidentally screwed up and also took his son actually be in charge of the situation? You know Robert, he’s great at saving the average lady who no one believes or small child trying to help their parents but when it comes to his son he tends to shoot himself in the foot, and any time you’re around he takes all his anger out on you...maybe you should send him to Bermuda. 🤣

Mr. McCall did you just put your glasses on to think, make a decision and then take them off again?

They recast Kay! (Scott’s mom) She was originally played by Sandy Dennis, this is Shirley Knight. Robert: Our son has gotten himself stuck in an international incident. Kay: So what are you doing about it? Robert: I’m going to get him out of course. Kay: *Scoffs* of course, McCall to the rescue.

These two...I’m very curious if they talk more about their life together/Scott because the so far what we know about Kay from Scott is. She moved on, her mother is sick.And from her we know she remarried quite awhile ago, and that she hasn’t really seen Scott all that much to the point she thought Robert knew more. I think that’s since changed because Scott went with her to Colorado or something until she bailed and went to Florida and he came home. And he didn’t try to spend teh holidays with her.

So I think...I think both of them sent Scott off to boarding school at a young age and haven’t really been parents until recently. But I’m very curious if this tries to course correct that.

So Robert...you just said you introduced this music guy to Scott and he’s been wonderful, like a father to him. Sir...you’re Scotts father. Are you seriously out here trying to pawn Scott off on other people and admitting it to your ex-wife?

Kay: I hope you get him back Robert, for your sake.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Are you talking about Scott or the ex-agent. Like these two are the most bizarre parents. Scott, honey I’m so sorry. Everyone in Scott’s life is just...so blase about him being in danger. I mean he got a sister and then she thought he was dead and was just like *shrug*. 

“I’m not going to lose another child because of your work. I’m going to stay until Scott is safe.”

Ah yes, back to toss William Zabka around hour. 🤣 Out of bizarre family melodrama and back into international incident.

This guy literally just shoved Scott against the wall and said “You are our guest. And you will behave like one” I’m waiting for some singing teapots.

I’m sorry, I know I’m making beauty and the beast jokes but y’all they pulled Scott out of the dungeons and dumped him in a nicer room by himself away from his injured adopted father figure *cough* ex-spy music instructor.

Mickey! He kind of looks like he’s been dragged out of bed at 2 am again or at least like he’s been listening to these two argue for hours.

I’m voting Mickey is running on 0 sleep. Just based off the facial journey he went through which was mostly rubbing at his face like he was trying to stay awake for a full background shot.

Control: How many people do you need? Mickey and Robert mumbling to one another: Two guys Control: 2 men? That’s it?

Robert: *glasses on and off on and off* Well Mickey might tag along.

Mickey: You know, for the group photo session.

Control: I’m so sick of both of you. (LIterally the final part of that scene is him looking like this, opening his mouth like he’s about to say something, then it cuts away) Like no, he’s got no response to their dumb sarcastic jokes. (Mickey truly is Robert’s work son)

What’s the plan man? “Take you home” very long pause (to be tried and shot)

oh man they’re brothers. Oof.

I...I know fear does things to people, but she waltzed in and wanted to know why Scott wasn’t in the papers. Ma’am he’s been kidnapped by a different government you seriously think “You music prodigy kidnapped by foreign powers and trapped here in our city” would be in every newspaper article? Especially when you know spies are involved. I...ma’am, you were married to a spy, why would you even wonder about such a thing?

Okay, taking bets now. Anyone want to guess why he’s choking up and nearly in tears? Anyone?

Don’t be shy. An episode with his ex-wife and his son being kidnapped is the main point of this episode. So what could it possibly be?

Did you guess dead daughter Kathy? Congrats you’re right!

I just...I get it’s a big deal, but your son is alive. Clearly these two never healed from that and rather than reach out to Scott and love him even harder they splintered and sent him away and the poor guy’s spent his whole life trying to help other people for scraps of love.

I’d also like to point out he was half way out the door to go rescue Scott when she came in and now the two of them are sitting having a heart to heart about Kathy.

Scott, marry the beast.

^This is how I feel. But what’s actually happening is she asked him how he’s going to handle if Scott dies because of his job and his honor.

Meanwhile Scott alone, all by himself, in a very nice room with a ton of booze and books.

[fanficsforloki]

To Prove To You - Chapter two

Series Masterlist

Word Count: 7k

Series summary: Nereide is a sea nymph with a peculiarity: she knows how too control her element (water) and has magical abilities. Poseidon, aware of that, decides to send her to Asgard as a student of Frigga. She studies with Loki, and as they grow up, they begin to develop feelings for each other. But what if Odin's plans for her get in the way?

Chapter summary: After their first Magic Tournament, the sexual tension between Loki and Nereide explodes. They decide to make a deal.

Content: unestablished relationship, friends to lovers, fwb, platonic love, romance, angst, fluff, loss of verginity

Content warnings: smut, melancholy, dacryphilia, Loki is a fabulous bitch with a big heart and a witty sense of humor, a bt over dramatic and very clever. He's sensitive, but hides his feelings and acts really rough around Nereide also because he like to see her pouting and eventually becoming more clingy.

Chapter warnings: make out i suppose???

To Prove To You Playlist

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

-Oh my absolute self, where have you been!?

Loki had found himself deeply attached to Nereide. To him she was a mysterious yet alluring creature. She would venture off to the seaside every now and then and as the bond between Loki and Nereide had grown stronger, one thing tugged at Loki's heartstrings – the fear of Nereide not returning from her visits to the ocean.

Each time Nereide left for the seaside, Loki's anxiety heightened. He knew she belonged to the sea, but he couldn't shake off the unsettling feeling that maybe one day she would choose to remain in her aquatic abode forever. His mind would race with endless possibilities – what if she became a prisoner of the watery depths? What if their bond wasn't strong enough to bring her back?

As the sun dipped into the horizon and the sky transitioned into twilight, Loki found solace among the sandy shores where they last bid farewell. He would sit patiently, waiting for Nereide's familiar silhouette to emerge from the crashing waves.

Loki's friend could sense his concern and tried her best to reassure him. But deep down in his heart, Loki couldn't help but be plagued by the constant worry of losing his cherished friend to the captivating callings of the sea.

Each reunion brought relief, but over time it became increasingly apparent that a subtle change was taking place within Nereide. Her eyes carried an untold secret that stirred an uneasy feeling within Loki. It seemed as though every visit to her aquatic realm chiseled away at her resolve to return. This inner turmoil only intensified Loki's anxiety, but he remained steadfast in his hope that their bond would prove to be stronger than the ocean's allure.

Oh dear, he was capable to be jealous of the Ocean too!

Loki was completely upset, shaking the girl in front of him by her shoulders.

-Chiiill, i was back at the sea, don’t yell at me like that

Nereide still had her dark hair damp. Her lips were bright red thanks to the salty water.

-I have been looking for you for AGES.

-It’s been two MINUTES.

-Two minutes of me not knowing where you were is way too much time.

The two were heading to the palace. Thor and the others were back, and they were throwing a feast.

-You shouldn’t be called the god of mischief, but the god of drama

-I prefer god of being right and i am ALWAYS right

-You didn’t just-

-Oh, but i most CERTAINLY did.

She groaned, marching inside while he was after her.

-Look, i like you, Nereide, and we don’t see eachother nearly enough. Why is that?

-What are you saying, we’re nearly 24/7 together!

-Oh, come on, we’re never together, you’re always on your little bath in your room and i’m always down here. Sure, i have got my ways to get up there, but for some reason they have this super ridiculous rule that i am not allowed to visit. And if i do i’ll get sent to the dungeon and will be banned from doing any sort of magical thing for a whole year. It’s utterly ridiculous and i’m frankly appalled that you’d agree to that!

-Oh jeez, we’re almost always together!

-Almost isn’t enough! Look, you are my best friend, you understand me in ways that no one else ever possibly can. There is no one who makes me feel as alive and free, as unrestrainded as you do. My soul longs for you.

They both stopped, he grabbed her wrist, staring into her eyes.

-My heart, my actual heart needs you. I know i am being a bit intense but you need to understand.

Nereide took his hand in hers.

-Did something wrong happen? You seem hurt…Did the others do something or told you something bad?

He clentched his fists, looking at the front entrace.

-They’re so disrespectful! They always look down on us and they constantly tell me that i’m an irrosponsible fool who does everything wrong. Even Thor agrees with them! And when i point out that my ways are obviously better, they get all uppity an say how dAnGeRoUs my methods are and how i’m not fit to rule. It’s absurd! That’s why i have decided to wait here for you. I didn’t want to go far away with them, knowing that you were alone.

Nereide sat on a marble bench, and let him sit with her.

She sigghed, still holding his hand.

They weren’t ready to go inside, especially they weren’t ready to hear Odin’s praises for their friends.

-I’m sorry i wasn’t with you, i would have taken you away from them. They just don’t understand you, even though they aren’t that good. Like, there’s good and bad in everything and they just have to always point out at your flaws, it makes me angry. I wish i could protect you like you do with me.

-You’d never believe how much that means to me, Nereide. No one else ever understands me. Not in any way that matters. Not in the same depth as you do. You see past my tricks and schemes and really see me. It means the world to me.

-You know? When your older brothers had died, i was the first one to state you were innocent. It’s true, you wanted revenge, you always do, but you couldn’t know what would have happened, you were just a kid…Your mother and i will always take your sides.

Loki looked down, swallowing. That memory was still burning. The most tragic thing he had ever done was to cause the death of his brother.

Frigga loved him so much that she did everything to make him immortal, but Loki had found a way around it and managed to kill him.

Blader was the gorgeus god of all, the most loved one…

He shook his head. Spending nearly a year in a cave with a snake dripping venom down his face was enough.

Even there, if it hadn't been for Nereide who had stood patiently by his side with a basin to catch every drop of poison to protect him, he would have gone mad.

-I just…you’re just…

He could barely speak.

-You’re just so amazing.

Nereide winked at him, patting his shoulder.

-You are definitely the amazing one among us all!

She stood up and raised her arms in the air.

-Since we’re here, we should take some little revenge on the others, nay? Our welcomes…

Loki grinned, totally diggin’ her idea. He stood and stretched, smiling slyly.

-We’re on the same wavelength. So, i was wondering if you’d like to-

He got cut off by the obnoxious, hight pitched voice of Frigga.

-MOOOOOOOOM!

Loki groaned and put his hands on his hips like a teenager asked to do the dishes. He was hilarious.

-When will you stop treating me like i’m FIVE!? I’m nearly ONE THOUSAND.

Nereide was laughing silently.

-Oh dear, be patient with her, you will forever be her kid, no matter what…

-Like she sees anything but me being a little goofy and dramatic. She think her precious Thor is so much better than me and i’m just tired with having to be so pitiable all the time to her.

-Don’t be so mad, Loki. As i can say, your mom prefers you over Thor. She admires you and is so fond of you. She always told me the best about you.

-She doesn’t show it anyway. She thinks i am not capable of doing anything without her. She treats me like i can’t be trusted to do anything right. And it hurts, Nereide. And don’t say i am being overly dramatic, because it’s a very deep wound in my heart.

She kept silence for a few seconds, then she began to form little water pearls, turning them into ice, making them roll down the trail.

-Well i wish i had a mother to hunderstand your feelings, but i can see that you’re upset. Maybe you should talk to her politely instead of screaming like an eagle.

She stood in front of him, cupping his cheeks with her hands.

He huffed, letting go her hands.

-I’m not like i’m the lowest of the low, i’m-

She rolled her eyes before he could even finish.

-Yeah you’re a god and everyone must treat you like one babbling babbling. I can treat you as a God if it helps you. Will you be my God?

_...Well, if you wish to worship and praise me like the god that i am, your wish is my command, and i will be your god with the most gracious heart.

-You don’t even believe your words.

-Absolutely no.

They both laughed a little while they were trying to be composed.

Nereide caressed his cheeks and stepped back.

-And you would like to become the King of Asgard, right?

-…Perhaps if my mother and father will take into consideration my qualifications and expertise. If they’re willing to hand the throne over to someone who deserves it, then yes, i will do nothing les than rule with grace and respect for the people of Asgard, and i would take the throne gladly.

-If you will become king, what’s going to happen to me?

-Well as the king i would naturally need an assistant and advisor. Perhaps you could fulfill that role for me? I would make you the chief advisor and handmaiden. You could help me with all the royal duties, and would be the main link between myself and the people. It sounds like a pretty ideal position for you, what do you think?

-I was afraid you were saying you needed a Queen.

-Pardon me, but i can be the queen myself.

-You damn queer, you wanted to say. Being your assistant would be the greatest honor. We need to decide our outfit for our future domination.

And she ran to his room, entering without permission. It was alright anyway. Maybe he couldn’t visit her room, but she was often with him in his comfortable space. They used to nap together so often in the afternoon that it was basically her second room.

Loki’s room was a dark navy blue color. It felt safe and secure, he had all his books on the shelves. His bed was always unmade, but huge and with lots of pillows. There was a really peaceful balcony that leaded out into the forest.

Frigga didn’t really want them to spend time together in their bedrooms, and that lead to lots of sneaking around the castle.

-Where’s your helmet? You can’t rule without you fabulous helmet.

Nereide began to look around.

-I don’t know, my room is a mess! I’ve been so busy having to deal with my mother during these days i just haven’t had time to sort trough my belongings.

His face darkened for a moment, considering wether that was true or wether the messiness was just a result of his disorganization. He shook his head and snapped himself out of his introspection.

Books were everywhere, the windows were wide opened.

-But it will be done before the end of the day. And then all will bow to our majesty!

He threw his arms in the air and Nereide was already at his wardrobe, looking at all his clothes.

-You’re such a cool princess. Sooo many armors and clothes…they’re all beautiful.

-Princess??? I am NOT a princess!

Loki said while huffing and crossing his arms over his chest like a pouting toddler.

-I am a warrior, i am bold, powerful and strong! I am not just some helpless princess, do you understand me!?

-Blah blah blah

She took some black clothes and handed them to him.

-Try this on. Also, can you change my dress with your magic?

She spinned on her spot. She’s wearing a poor white tunic and she was barefoot, with her hair almost down to her knees, just like most of the nymphs.

Loki took the clothes and turned around to change in front of his bed. The black robes fitted him perfectly and gave him the appearance of a more traditional ruler of Asgard. The dark fabric matched the darkness in his eyes and the malice in his heart while he plotted his rise to the throne. The darkness in his personality became more pronounced with each bit of black material on his body. He turned back to Nereide. He’s more like his brother Thor now, but with an air of cruelty.

-…How do i look?

Nereide looked at him completely lost in his beauty and she blushed a little.

-You’re pretty…pretty handsome.

Pretty, again with that word. It wasn’ only her favourite word, but also Loki’s favourite word to hear from her. Her pronunciation of the word "pretty" was a delightful dance of sounds that evokes a sense of beauty and charm in his ears. The poetic essence of that simple yet captivating word was rooted in the alluring combination of its phonetic components. The initial soft plosive 'p', and Nereide always licked her lips before saying it, created an air of anticipation as her moist lips part, paving the way for the graceful transition to the open, vibrant 'r' sound. This mellifluous tongue roll resembled the gentle purring of a cat, hinting at warmth, comfort, and satisfaction that ran through his entire body like an electric pulse.

As the word progressed, the short but sweet 'e' sound introduced a lighthearted quality, infusing "pretty" with a touch of playfulness. Following this with the soft 't' sound doubled up on this light and happy feeling—the tip of her tongue dancing lightly against the upper teeth like butterfly wings. Finally, the terminal 'y' drew out an elegant trail, as if finishing off a perfectly executed brushstroke. He could taste a whole kiss from her whenever she said this word. And he felt like he was held by his core, a prisoner in her mouth. Bite me, chew me, swallow me, his eyes used to scream, as he carefully watched her lips.

He smirked at her and slowly walked forward, his shoulders rolled smoothly back with his chest stickin out. There was a slight, dangerous glint in his eyes, and he looked as though he was about to do something violent, even though he hadn’t even touched her.

-Does this frighten you?

She shook her head a no, looking him up and down.

-No it’s…it’s marvelous

-It is? Oh, but that dress doesn’t fit you.

He waved his hand and her dress slowly changed into a flowing black robe similar to his, but with gold accents that catched the light in beautiful shades.

-How about that? Isn’t this much better?

He smiled innocently, but his eyes had a cold and calculating glint at the same time.

She looked at him in disbelief and looked at the two of them in the mirror, grabbing his arm.

-You, you are beautiful.

She’s lost in his reflection, feeling her heart beating faster.

Loki couldn’t imagine that her dress would fit her so well, she was born to wear such items. She looked heavenly.

-Thank you

He spoke almost in a whisper but she could clearly hear every word. He had a soft smile on his lips, but there’s still an edge to his eyes that said he had something sinful in his mind.

-I can’t help it. I’m the best looking god in Asgard.

-I agree

-…it is not often that i am complimented in such a lavish way. You have my sincere appreciation, and my thanks.

He said, putting one hand over his heart and inclining his upperbody downwards like a gentleman bowing in respect, but it looked slightly disingenuous and he was smirking. He looked almost like a wolf licking its chops before it goes in for the kill.

-I know

She steps back, looking at herself.

-Whoever is going to be your wife will be lucky, i must admit. You’re tricky and mischievous, that’s true, but that’s Your beauty.

Loki had no time to respond, because Frigga’s loud voice resonated again in the corridors.

-Ugh. She’s always calling for me. She thinks i’m a litteral child who will just come when called for, for some weird reason. I’m a God, for Pete’s sake! What’s she going to do to me if I refuse to go? Ground me?

-…We have the magic council in about 20 mins, you fool.

-Oh, oh. That’s a different situation, ugh. What is mom whining about this time?

-We must be ready in time. Aaand since you are worse than a princess she expecially wants YOU to be ready on time.

-She is aware of my god status and immortal nature, right? I just…i hate being under her thumb. I’ve been alive for thousands of years, i don’t understand why she’s so controlling of me! I just want to be my own person and for her to respect everything I’ve done but NOOO she has to micromanage every aspect of my existence.

-Oh dear, for God sake Loki, can you NOT complain once in your existence!?

They were heading to the council hall, fighting like siblings.

-If people could stop disrespecting me, maybe i wouldn’t have to complain all the time about how unfair it is how much i’m disrespected!? I AM A GOD, I DEMAND TO BE TREATED LIKE ONE, IS THAT REALLY SO MUCH TO ASK???

Nereide facepalmed herself before saying: -here we go again…

-…What is that gesture even supposed to mean??? And do not roll your eyes at me, that’s just even more disrespectful.

The Magic Council held an extraordinary gathering to determine the participants for the annual Magic Tournament. After much deliberation and evaluation of the finest sorcerers in the realm, the council members finally reached a unanimous decision. Nereide, the skilled water nymph with unparalleled grace and finesse, and Loki, the enigmatic god known for his unpredictable tactics, were chosen to represent Asgard in the prestigious competition.

The announcement of Nereide and Loki as this year's competitors sent ripples of excitement throughout the magical community. With her innate ability to manipulate water and create powerful torrents, Nereide was revered for her exceptional talent in both offense and defense.

On the other hand, Loki's selection elicited an air of intrigue and curiosity among fellow magicians. Some whispered of his uncanny knack, other spoke of his unorthodox approach to magic, blending strategic deception with impressive spellwork.

As they commenced their rigorous training under the watchful eyes of Frigga, Nereide and Loki bonded over their unyielding determination to succeed.

The day had come.

The anticipation surrounding the tournament reached its peak as representative teams from neighboring Realms arrived in Asgard. Rumors circled about formidable duos boasting combustive elemental combinations or exceptionally rare magical gifts that would test even the likes of Nereide and Loki. Yet amidst whispered doubts and awe-stricken speculations, the chosen sorcerers remained steadfast in their resolve.

The stage was set for an electrifying display of magical powers. Participants from far and wide gathered to showcase their skills at the Magic Tournament, where victory brought not only glory but also the title of Asgard's most exceptional enchanted duo.

In the end, the decision of the Magic Council to send forth Nereide and Loki rested on a foundation of faith in their potential. Their selection would prove to be either a triumphant stroke of genius or a costly misjudgment. But for Nereide and Loki, champions-to-be, this was an opportunity to prove themselves as more than just gifted magicians – they were symbols of hope for a nation and magical world awaiting the return of its brightest stars.

The Arena was set up in a huge open field, with benches all around the outside to watch from. In its architecture it reminded Nereide to the Athens Theaters. The center of the arena was a large stone platform where the contestants would fight. It was surrounded by a thin ring of stone that protects the fighter from falling off during he battle. The stone platform was about 30 feet across, connected to the ground by a series of metal beams. This made the platform sturdy and stable, and allowed fora fair and even fight. The arena was filled with the best and brightest wizards and sorceresses. The Magic Tournament was a very formal nad important event, it wasn’t just about fighting, it also included testing knowledge and magic abilities. The tournament was about proving who was the best mage in the Realms, not about causing harm to others.

There were several different categories of magic for the tournament, each with its own rules, parameters and guidelines, that way the mages would be on an equal playing field. The tournament lasted about five days ans usually a lot of people attended them.

That year was a particular one: Prince Thor and his friends were there, and Thor was the loudest of the group, cheering and clapping. Everyone in there could clearly hear his words of encouragement for his friends.

-this is so nerd.

Sif was kinda disappointed that there weren’t Bloody fights.

Loki and Nereide slowly lifted their gazes in awe at the grand arena set up for the Magic Tournament and they could feel their hearts beating with excitement. Nereide was particularly keen on showing her skills in healing magic, while Loki had been preparing for months for the enchantment category.

Loki and Nereide stepped out of their inn into the night air, their uniforms dazzling even in the darkness. They were almost identical and the two of them could have passed for twins in the night. The fabric of their uniforms was black, with a long leather coat, trousers, and boots in the same color. This deep and dark color was perfectly complemented by the teal and golden details on their uniforms, which made them stand out even in the gloom.

Starting at the top, their coats had light teal accents around the stitching, which was golden in color. The fabric itself was a heavy wool blend that was sure to keep them warm as the night went on. The lapels were cut in a V-shape, with more of the teal accents at the ends. As they moved, the coats swayed and the fabric swayed, creating an elegant and graceful silhouette.

Underneath their coats they wore black trousers, tailored to fit them perfectly. The trousers had a smooth, even finish and were complimented by their boots. The boots were made of the same black leather, with a reinforced toe and heel box.

A golden belt with a teal buckle also hugged Loki’s waist, while a teal belt with a golden buckle was at Nereide’s. The belts were made of a smooth and supple leather, and the buckles were delicately carved with intricate patterns. The belts were the perfect accessory for their uniforms, adding a bit of bling and flair to their otherwise dark ensembles.

Years back, in her own private garden, Frigga introduced her son that tiny girl that was now holding his fingers nervous.

She wanted them to meet because Nereide was so kind and loving, and Loki needed that kind of love in his life. She knew that the two of them would be perfect.

Frigga remembered with a smile the lessons they had together. They were such adorable kids. Loki was really good, but he had just trouble focusing and Nereide always spent extra time with him to help him. He eventually became the strongest, but he was so proud of Nereide for how far she had come. He also teased her so much about that, but she didn’t mind. She knew she wasn’t a Goddess, therefor she could never be stronger than Loki.

And for their first magic tournament, of course they teamed up together. Both of them had practiced tirelessly.

As the tournament began, the brilliant Nereide was the fist one to step in the Arena.

Day one was the one that had a healing magic match.

Nereide prepared for the most significant moment of her life so far. Despite her apprenticeship, many doubted her skills as she was untested in any official magical competition.

Nereide's focus was on this delicate art.

As the competition began, excitement and suspense filled the air. One by one, healers showcased their remarkable abilities – soothing injuries, curing ailments, and even reviving withered plants back to life. The judges watched carefully and meticulously scored each participant based on effectiveness, technique, and creativity.

When it was finally Nereide's turn to step into the spotlight, she stood confidently before the judges. Despite the overwhelming pressure of competing against experienced magicians, Nereide remained unfazed. She knew that deep within her heart lay an exceptional affinity for healing magic.

Nereide's performance stunned everyone present at the tournament that day. With effortless grace and precision, she mended broken bones and healed deep wounds with mere flicks of her wrist. She then pushed herself further by restoring sight to a blind man - a task usually reserved for the most advanced healers. Nereide performed delicate healing spells that captivated the entire crowd. Her movements were as graceful as a swan, and her spells flowed with perfect precision. Nereide stepped up to the stage with confidence. Her healing spells were flawless, and she could feel the energy of the crowd urging her on. She felt a sense of satisfaction in her heart.

Whispers spread through the crowd as they witnessed Nereide’s unmatched prowess in healing magic unfold before their eyes; it was clear she was destined for greatness.

When the scores were finally tallied, anticipation hung heavily across the arena. The moment of truth had arrived as each participant anxiously awaited their results. To everyone's surprise and amazement, it was announced that Nereide had won first place in the healing magic category .

Nereide's victory at this first-ever magic tournament was more than just a personal triumph. It signified a monumental leap forward for both Asgard and The Ocean, and served as an inspiration for countless nymphs to come.

As the match came to a close, Loki pulled Nereide close to him. The intensity of the day's events had brought them even closer, and they shared a loving endless hug.

The second day Loki had a different kind of magic up his sleeve. He dazzled the audience with his intricate and complex enchantment spells, but he executed them with ease. He took a deep breath, felling the judges’ eyes on him as he finished his routine.

Loki knew he was in for a challenge, as he was up against some of the greatest enchanters in the universe. And he couldn’t bear Thor’s shouting.

The competition began with a flurry of spellcasting and enchantments, where each contestant tried to outshine the others with their magical performances. Symbols glowed in the candlelight and creatures from beyond took up residence in the tournament hall, as the audience and judges watched in awe.

In one round, all the enchanters were given enchanted stones with runes etched into them. They had to use their expertise to unlock the secrets of the stones by casting spells with precision and accuracy. Loki had a slight edge here, as his vast knowledge of enchantments enabled him to outwit everyone.

The tournament continued in a similar fashion, with each participant displaying their skills and abilities in a spectacular display of magic and mystery.

As Nereide watched the tournament unfold, she couldn't help but be captivated by Loki's beauty. His aura seemed to cast a wicked spell over the usually timid Nereide, as she secretly admired him from afar. Though she knew him to be evil-minded, he appeared quite different in this moment – great and powerful, yet somehow still endearing.

Despite his imprudent behavior, his fiery gaze and dark countenance stirred a deep, almost mad desire within her that she hadn't experienced before. Great and cunning in equal measure, Loki effortlessly held her attention with every move he made.

Loki's appearance only amplified her infatuation. The handsome man boasted long dark hair that framed his face gracefully, while his charming smile concealed the true nature of his intentions. A good-hearted individual was how he appeared to others – a masterful disguise that shielded his deceit.

Nereide found herself enthralled by his enigmatic figure at the tournament, struggling to come to terms with the contradictions between his outward allure and the truth of his sinister heart.

Loki's beauty was alluring and captivating during the tournament. He exuded an amorous charm that drew eyes to him, no matter where he stood. Loki's eyes held a cunning glimmer, hinting at the evil-minded intelligence lurking beneath the surface.

Although there was something quite different about him that day, it was fitting to see Loki enveloped in an acquired darkness as he took part in the competition, his fiery determination alight in his eyes as he forged ahead.

Such was the great and powerful presence of Loki during the event.Loki managed to arrive first, but the real challenge was yet to come.

The final category was battle magic, and both Loki and Nereide were nervous. They had never participated in battle magic together before and didn't know what to expect. They fought bravely, combining their skills to create powerful spells and dodge attacks. The battle category was the most intense, and Loki and Nereide knew they had to work together to make it to the end.

They knew that their bond was strong, and their magical powers would only continue to grow.

But what they didn't know was that their bond and magic were about to be tested in a way they never imagined, leaving them both bewildered and questioning everything they thought they knew.

-Loki, i’m quite scared for this…

They both stood at one of the entrances of the arena.

Loki shrugged, still looking in front of him where the lights illuminated the place. People’s chanting were muffled down there.

-Don’t be, can’t we just do some cheating of our own?

-Loki, no.

Each team had to fight and both of them had no clue how to master their magics. They were lucky enouh to be on top of their personal cathegories, but Nereide knew she couldn’t stand a fighting match. She was strong, but not enough, and she felt so anxious that couldn’t let go Loki’s hand.

-Well i just hope whoever is against us isn’t deadly strong. …Maybe we should try some cheating after all…

-Maybe you should just close your mouth about all this cheating. Look, there!

She pointed at the first team that entered the arena. A couple of old mages.

Loki chuckled, thinking that a couple of geezers like that where nothing against them, and he just winked at her.

Nereide shook her head as another team stepped out.

-Well…we’re fucked.

Loki stared with wide eyes

-I didn’t even know they were allowed to compete!?

-Pleased to meet you, it was nice being your friend.

Nereide shook his hand before turning around and leaving.

Loki squeezed her hand before stepping down in the arena.

-Don’t give up hope yet, doll, i still have a few tricks up my sleeve.

He flashed his mischievous grin and raised his hands, his magic forming a massive sword out of thin air. He charged against them and Nereide rolled her eyes, forming a shield for him with her water magic and transformed herself into steam.

-Remember, if you get injured just find some water! I will regenerate us!

He slashed and cut at his opponents. He dodged their attacks, countering with fire around them.

From the benches they could hear Thor and their friends cheer for them.

Unexpectedly, a mage found Nereide and attacked her. They began to fight with water but the mage was much stronger than her.

-Loki!

He quickly ended the match with his opponent, turning his attention to Nereide in a flash. He was beside her within an instant, grabbing the mage’s arms and pinning him as he turned to her.

-Are you okay!?

His voice was filled with concern for her wellbeing, sweat was running down his forehead.

She nodded and took the water from his face, forming some daggers with them and handing him one.

-Keep him there, i’ll block the others.

He was clearly terrified for Nereide’s safety.

-It is not the right moment!

She turned one of the mages into ice, using the liquids in his body.It wouldn’t last long, but that was an advantage.

-Concentrate on the-

She was shashed from behind and she fell down on her knees.

-You. How dare you. She’s Mine!

Loki yelled this like a wild beast, a voice he never had before. His eyes burned and a look of feral rage unlike any other crossed his face. Closely, you could see the tiniest bit of fear in Nereide’s eyes as she watched him. Loki had never done this in public before. He had never shown this side of himself in front of her, and as he made all the opponents fall, he rushed to Nereide’s side.

Their weakness was only one: they were too sentimental. They couldn’t focus well on the battle, because they were both too concentrated on the other’s safety. They were more afraid and occupied protecting one another to understand that their previous strickers were just illusions. They got trapped from the other mages.

In comparison to the others, they were too young and unexperienced. They were able to battle, of course, Loki had been through war, but that was different. They had to use magic with more logic, more calculation. They were strong indeed, but too emotional. That could lead to a loss of control that could be dangerous.

Nereide teared up, unable to stand up, exhausted. She tried to hide it, but she was upset.

-I wish i had been better. I really wanted to give you the victory.

They both held their gaze up where Odin was shitting. They both only saw the dissappointment in his eyes as he was slowly shaking his head.

Nereide stood up and ran outside the arena, Loki screaming for her, turning to see her black locks disappear behind the exit.

After the last battle had finished, they met in the changing rooms corridors.

-Nereide!

-Loki!

He stood up and ran to her, and held her in his arms, looking up adoringly at her.

-Where have you been my sweet? I’ve been searching for you all over the crowd! I had to say to you i’ve dreamt of this day. I’ve been waiting to see you beat the crap out of someone for a lifetime.

He smiled adoringly at her, and cupped her face. In that moment, their loss and all the problems with his father melted away and he just wanted to be with her.

-Oh, my lovely, sweet, chaotic Loki, i’m so proud of you!

She held him back, rubbing her cheeks against his.

He’s lost in her embrance, and he breathed in the scent of her skin. The scent of wild magic and wild things, untamed and free as she is. It’s like nothing he’s ever smelled and anything but her had that parfume that made him feel the strongest sensations he had ever felt. In all his years of life, he had never felt such a connection with another person as he did with her. He was upset before, the third position wasn’t enough for him, but seeing her being so happy for their result made him feel better.

-Well, it is your fault if we are third, so…

She squealed in his arms slapped him playfully.

-No, it is thanks to me!

He pulled her back into an embrace and sighed. He was so happy, in that moment, he almost couldn’t believe that a god like him would have this kind of happiness.

As they walked out of the arena, hand in hand, followed by their friends, they looked at each other and smiled. They knew that even though they didn't win the battle category, they had each other's support. That was so strange to hear something like this from Loki.

During the lively celebration party thrown in their honor,

Nereide stood in the corner of the ballroom, watching the couples drift around the room in a waltz. The chandelier illuminated the dancers with its glittering light and the music swelled around the room like the sound of her beloved distant sea. Nereide could barely concentrate on the music, her thoughts were too absorbed with the figure standing at the other end of the room.

Loki was leaning against the wall, his tall figure framed in the shadows. His gaze flicked around the room and Nereide felt the pull of his gaze linger on her for a few seconds before it moved on to the other dancers. A shiver ran through her as her eyes followed him around the room. His dark hair shone in the candlelight and his eyes were like burning embers, piercing and intense.

Nereide was mesmerized by the figure of her beloved, by the way his movements seemed to blend so seamlessly with the music. She couldn't take her eyes off him and the desire in her heart was so strong, she felt like it would consume her. She had loved Loki for so long, she had thought that the feelings could never be matched in intensity. Yet there she was, feeling a physical attraction to the man she had sworn her heart to.

Nereide was finding it difficult to resist the temptation to go to him, to surrender to his embrace. She had to admit that the pull she felt towards him was strong, more intense than she had ever felt before. It was like a burning sensation in her core, an aching need that seemed to grow stronger and stronger with every passing second. She had to take a step back and examine her feelings, to question her own motivations, before she could take any further action.

Nereide had to keep reminding herself that although she felt a physical attraction to Loki, it was merely a temporary attraction that would soon fade away. She had to resist the temptation of her physical desire, to keep her love strong and pure.

As the music reached its crescendo, Nereide stepped forward, intent on stopping herself from taking a rash decision. She had to remain strong and clear-headed, if she wanted to keep her love for Loki true and pure. She could feel her heart thudding in her chest as she took a deep breath and stepped out into the light. Nereide walked slowly across the room, focusing on the music and on the steps of the dance. With each step she took, the feeling of desire that had been building in her womb began to be unbearable.

She collided by chance with Loki's lean yet muscular back, and felt like she might pass out at any moment.

Loki, noticing her agitation, guided her away from the crowd.

Loki and Nereide found themselves sitting side by side on the upper steps of the grand staircase. The laughter and music below filtered up to where they sat, creating an intimate bubble for just the two of them.

As they shared a gentle conversation, Loki couldn't resist the magnetic pull he felt towards Nereide. He casually leaned in, gazing into her captivating eyes before tenderly pressing his lips against hers. Their first kiss was soft and filled with pure emotions, making time seem to stand still while warmth fled their entire beings.

It was not just a physical sensation – he could feel the love that Nereide imbued in this simple yet profound gesture. At first uncertain and hesitant, she soon gained confidence to deepen their connection. Delicately pulling his lips closer to hers, she started to suck on them ever so sweetly. This unexpected tenderness filled Loki with an overwhelming desire to weep from sheer happiness, a feeling that he knows words could never fully encapsulate.

Their passionate exchange at the top of the stairs lasted longer than what he had expected.

They parted only to catch a breath.

As Loki's eyes locked onto Nereide's, an electrifying shiver coursed through both their spines. His gaze piercing into hers, looking into her soul and pulling out her deepest innocence and obscene thoughts. She looked so vulnerable and yet so hot he was about to devour her. Their hearts swelled with a yearning that had been simmering just beneath the surface for an eternity. It was in this moment, where time seemed to stand still, that they found themselves ensnared in a passionate and long-awaited embrace.

Their lips met again, soft as rose petals, harsher than before but still with a tender urgency that spoke volumes of their pent-up desires. Warmth spread between them, as the wetness of their kiss only added intensity to the connection they shared. The gentle dance of their tongues weaved a delicate story with each brush stroke, punctuated by moans that resonated on a primal level.

Agitation bubbled feverishly beneath the surface as Loki and Nereide struggled to fully express the depth of their longing in this one intimate exchange. It was a hunger which had gnawed away at their souls for what felt like forever, finally given the chance to be satisfied by this fervent and exasperated touch.

Loki could feel something twisting around low in his stomach, deep down to his pelvis. Nereide was pure, completely untouched. Her body almost had missed the feeling of almost everything and anything. It made his chest tight.

Nereide could feel her cheeks heating up as Loki navigated her to the wall behind her - a move that showcased his determination and protectiveness as much as it signified his raw desire. As he trapped her there with his sturdy form, his hands skillfully wrapped around her wrists, tethering her between himself and the wall. He was so close to her she cloud feel his body heat radiating off of him and onto her. The thought of kissing her best friend, her childhood friend, had her blood running hot. They’ve been close to each other so many times before, but this, this was an entirely different story.

He placed his hands on her waist and jerked her forward up his thighs. Nereide was so close to him, sitting on his thighs with her legs on either side of his waist. His hands felt heavy on her waist as he squeezed it soothingly. Loki sat up to bring his chest closer to hers.

They both reveled in the intoxicating feeling of surrender and vulnerability within their fervid embrace - at last tasting the soul-deep connection they had been craving for so long. Their breaths were mingling in the space between them. The wetness of their mouths added a sensual layer to their connection. Their tongues danced in a slow, deliberate rhythm, exploring and tasting each other with fervor. Time seemed to stand still as the world around them faded away, leaving only the sensation of their warm, moist lips pressed against one another.

Nereide could feel Loki’s slender fingers push into the supple skin of her waist while she tried not to focus on the fact that she was sitting just above his waist, his most intimate parts a few inches away from hers. But the way he was kissing her had her wanting to grind down against him, to feel wether he was coursing with arousal the same way she was.She needed to feel him hard and throbbing beneath her. Loki’s hands were still sliding over her hips, and grabbed her so strongly that she could feel his nails dipping into her flesh.

-It is…it is so difficult for me to stop now…

Loki chuckled, resting his forehead on hers.

But they couldn’t continue, they had a ball to attend, and Thor was already looking up for them.

Nereide rested her hands on his shoulder, speaking with a shaky voice.

-You have to promise that this is going to happen again.

In front of that adorable pout of her, Loki could only smirk and grab her by the neck, kissing her again.

It was a clear answer:

-Anytime you want, dear.

[iviarellereads]

A Wind in the Door, Chapter 2 - A Rip in the Galaxy

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index for the Time Quintet, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

In which sometimes you have to do the irrational thing.

When Meg and Charles Wallace returned to the house, silently, each holding strange and new thoughts, evening was moving in with the wind.

The twins try to get Charles to go outside and play catch with them, but Charles is tired and it's getting dark. Meg goes back to Mrs. Murry and mentions Charles's theory about his mitochondria. Mrs. Murry says Dr. Louise thinks the flu that's been going around might be mitochondriasis, but when Meg presses her, she snaps at Meg to leave her alone a minute to get an answer. She apologizes to Meg immediately,(1) but adds that she is working hard to figure out what's wrong.

For now, Mrs. Murry thinks it's more important to sort out Charles's problems at school. She doesn't want to take him out for longer than necessary, it would make it even harder to integrate later. They discuss Charles's powers a little, but when Mrs. Murry realizes Charles is so sick he might not grow up to learn discipline about them, she changes subjects abruptly to supper.

Meg helps prepare spaghetti while Mrs. Murry explains that Charles will have to live in a world that doesn't understand him, and it's better if he learns how to get on with them sooner than later.(2) She adds that Meg might not have Charles's level of gift, but she is a strange child, and she's adjusting better this year. Meg puts that down to Mr. Jenkins not being her principal anymore, and Calvin O'Keefe being her friend.

Mrs. Murry latches onto the Calvin mention, and asks Meg why she thinks he's her friend. Meg puts down her looks, but instead of acknowledging that,(3) Mrs. Murry says Calvin does like Meg, though. Meg wonders aloud if it's just because her family is nice and her mom is pretty that he likes them all so much, but Mrs. Murry tells her to stop being so self-deprecating. Meg says that she can learn to cook as well as her mother, and pivots to wondering if Calvin is or will be upset to learn that one of his brothers was in the group that roughed up Charles. She doesn't want to call him, though,(4) she'll wait and see if he comes over on his own.

As they sit down to supper, Mr. Murry calls to say he's going somewhere else for a week instead of home. Meg feels lightly panicky at not having both her parents home, not just because of the prior adventure, but also because some houses have been broken into lately. The twins take large portions and discuss Mr. Murry's trip and the quality of the sauce, while Meg wonders if she should tell her mother about the dragons.

Before she makes up her mind, Charles shows the whole family the feather, and asks his practical brothers what it might be. They agree that it's not structured like any bird feather, and ask where he got it. Mrs. Murry agrees with them, and Charles says, in the north pasture. Meg says they think they might be fewmets, which Sandy recognizes as a word for dragon droppings, and dismisses Meg's fancies. Dennys asks Mrs. Murry, and she asks Charles directly. He simply says it's not of the twins' practical world, but when he finds out more, he'll tell her.

The twins get bored, and ask about Mr. Murry's trip and its purpose. Mrs. Murry says there's been a phenomenon observed, it's been in the local newspapers and all, like a cosmic scream and a rip in a galaxy.(5) Some stars in the area of the rip have vanished compared to previous observations. The twins say that's impossible, but Mrs. Murry has a somewhat more open mind about it.

Lightning and thunder, very close by, interrupt proceedings dramatically. Meg gets scared out of proportion and asks if they're sure that something cosmic isn't coming for them.(6) Mrs. Murry reassures her that the cosmic scream is inaudible to humans, and to most equipment they've made. The twins wonder if birds and snakes can hear ultra high pitches, and ask what's for dessert. Charles catches Meg's attention before she can get herself riled up in defensiveness, and he gives her a small smile before asking their mother if the rip in the galaxy will affect their solar system. She says that's what everyone wants to know, just now. Meg is still hung up on it feeling dangerous, but says she'll do the dishes.

Cleaning up soothes Meg, especially as the twins get to their familiar, if imperfect, orchestra practice. When she's done, she goes to her room in the attic, but sneaks back down quietly, and outside with a poncho and a flashlight, to look for dragons alone. On the way through the orchard, she mutters to herself that it's not right that a child in America isn't safe in his school.(7)

Just as Meg thinks she sees Louise the snake rising from the rocks in the stone wall, of all people, Mr. Jenkins calls her name. He came to her home to apologize to her for his manner when she came to see him about Charles. Only, Louise lifts herself up and hisses at him, and he screams and flies off into the sky, becoming something like a hole in the universe…

The tear in reality disappears quickly, and Meg finds herself screaming though she knows it was impossible.(8) Louise slithers back into the wall, and Calvin shows up. When he sees her distress, he runs to her, giving her a hug, and asks what's wrong. She tells him, haltingly, and they discuss whether or not she might have hallucinated it.

Meg having got that out of the way, she says she's glad he's here, for another matter. He says he's surprised she's willing to speak to him, given his brother, but she says she knows it's not Calvin's fault. Calvin says fewmets to Mr. Jenkins, and Meg is startled at his choice of a new cuss word. She explains about Charles's dragons, and he asks to see where they found the feathers.

They go to the rock in question, and while Calvin examines the feathers and scales, Meg talks about Charles being bullied some more, saying you could think they lived in a rough part of an inner city or something. Calvin says maybe he'd be better off at an inner-city school with more diverse kinds of kids so he wouldn't stand out so much. People in this town like the prestige of the Murrys living there, but they're definitely Different.

Just as Calvin suggests they go talk to Mrs. Murry, Charles arrives and suggests they wait until the dragons come back instead. Meg demands to know why Charles isn't in bed, and if their mother knows he's out. She does not, in fact, and he came out because Meg was screaming. Meg says she doesn't want to talk about it, but Charles insists, so Meg gives a brief recap and says she doesn't doubt the dragons anymore because nothing could be more unbelievable than what happened to her.

Suddenly, Charles asks who else is here. Calvin says it's just the three of them, but Charles feels someone else nearby. They hear a twig crack, and Meg and Calvin look into the trees, to no avail.

Then Charles Wallace cried, “My dragons!” They turned around, and they saw, there by the great rock— wings, it seemed like hundreds of wings, spreading, folding, stretching— and eyes how many eyes can a drive of dragons have? and small jets of flame Suddenly a voice called to them from the direction of the woods, “Do not be afraid!”(9)

=====

(1) Solid parenting behaviour, A+. (2) I'm not actually sure that really holds up to scrutiny. He's a CHILD, and you're asking him to Act Normal just to make everyone else comfortable. That's been the way of it for as long as public schooling has been a Thing, for neurodiverse kids, but it's still frustrating to read. (3) It's loosely possible that Mrs. Murry agrees that Meg is a plain child, but given she tells Meg to stop putting herself down soon after this, I think it's more likely that she remembers feeling the same way and doesn't want to fight Meg over something that will resolve itself soon enough. (4) She likes him too much to just call him like that. If that doesn't make sense, I swear, it does when you've lived it. (5) Observing this happening all at once at such distances is improbable at best, but this is sci-fantasy not a textbook so I'm not going to complain TOO loudly, just, make a slightly skeptical face before moving forward. (6) Statistically speaking, you're in a book and have already had galactic adventures, I'm gonna say something is coming soon to a field near you. (7) The naivete of youth and of the early 1970s when this book was written. Do you think Meg's statement reflects the author's opinion, or not? Myself, I feel like the framing so far could lean toward indicating either way, especially since later this chapter Meg compares it to living "in the roughest section of an inner city". We'll just have to see how this thread is important to the book as a whole and if that aspect gets explored. (8) You haven't learned yet not to use that word? (9) Hmm. Those words aren't typically associated with dragons. What might have lots of wings, lots of eyes, and... well they usually say "Be not afraid" themselves? Can you guess before the next chapter?

[jodilin65]

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 31, 1993 From what I now gather, Tom isn’t having sex with me till I get my pap smear results back and go to the GYN. I really doubt I’m infected. I also doubt things will change with that even if all my tests and appointments come up negative, but what can I do?

I fell asleep around 11 AM and got up at 6 PM.

Earlier Tom and I watched The Guardian. Boy, is he different than most guys. I asked him if watching me and another woman would turn him on and he said no.

Later…

Tom and I had a great night. He says, though, he’s not afraid I’ll give him anything if we have sex. He’s afraid to aggravate anything till I’ve had my appointments. He believes, like I do, that I’ll be fine.

After we watched the movie, he told me how he really liked this teddy bear I drew, among other things. I’m making drawings of things for him like flowers, ballet slippers, cats, and other stuff for computer programs. I finally got to scan in my best drawings. They look so cool. I’m sending two envelopes to Tammy, each with 7 pieces of paper in it. Each has 1-4 pictures.

I told Andy about my bastard brother. He was shocked.

I called Kim and she too, hasn’t heard from Bob. She agrees that something could very well be wrong. She says she’ll drive by his place in Turners Falls on Monday, her day off.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 30, 1993 I fell asleep around 10 AM and awoke at 3 PM. Tom was in a great mood. He left shortly after I woke up to go work on his brother’s computer.

I watched that movie and Jenny Seagrove was hot.

I fell back asleep around 9 PM and woke up about two hours later. Tom was working on the computer. Still in a great mood and very affectionate. Between his affection and the woman in the movie, I was so horny. I lay there slightly annoyed with him waiting for him to go to bed. I told him I had to relieve myself and after I did, I had no hard feelings. Hey, you can’t help your feelings. This guy just doesn’t desire me sexually. I don’t turn him on and he never cums anyway. The times he went down on me were cuz I asked him to. Before, I was hurt by all this, but I know you can’t help your feelings and I can take care of myself.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1993 After I last copied in all my entry dates for each journal, I got sicker than a dog all night. I couldn’t stop sneezing and I had a fever. I fell asleep yesterday at 2:30 AM and awoke at 4:15 AM.

Before getting sick I spoke to Andy and did some redecorating.

Today there was a message to call my doctor for my GYN approval. I’ll call either today or Monday. I want to make sure I’m over this cold. At least I’ve had one flu and two colds since I came here and not 1000 of each.

Well now, if moving here to Arizona, becoming a dancer, and having a relationship (with a male), and living in that person’s house are the most shocking things throughout these journals - here’s another. I called Tammy yesterday morning and she tells me Larry’s been at Mom and Dad’s! This surely blew me off my feet. Tammy doesn’t know much to tell, other than he called them last Friday and has been with them for 3-4 days. I guess he was in the area. She said something about owning a truck and something about computers. He’s still with Sandy, living in Agawam and I guess he still has two kids, Larry Jr. and Jennifer. Who knows what the hell is going on, but he is only 38-39 years old. Not 43.

Tammy said they only spoke for two minutes. She reminded him that she and I were also victims of Mom and Dad and that we never did anything to him. He said maybe he’d call her. Whatever, but I wish for no contact with my parents or Larry. Having no contact with them isn’t what I want, it’s what I need. It’s too late and there’s no hope of ever having a positive relationship with these people. These people are never gonna take me at face value and have brainwashed themselves and others with too much bullshit about me. They have their own minds made up about me, and Larry will only judge me by my past. I don’t need to explain or defend myself to either of them as they’ll never buy anything I say if it’s not what they want to hear. They twist my words. Tammy did defend me all on her own about one thing, though. Dad bitched about my moving so much. Tammy said, “So what? It didn’t affect you or cost you any money. She’s been self-sufficient and has money in the bank.”

In other news, last night on Unsolved Mysteries they profiled the Lisa Zeighert case in Agawam. Tammy saw it, too. She was working in a gift shop when someone came and raped her and then dumped her in the woods.

Later…

I just pulled out every single bookmark I had in all my journals. When I lived in S Deerfield, Kim had given me these tiny colored ribbons which I taped in. The bookmarks were a pain in the ass, so I removed them. I also had a few regular ones with tassels hanging from them. These I kept. I put them on my desk out in the back room. This way if I continue typing journals, I can keep my page with these.

Except for 3 days when the people next door moved in and had extra company in that trailer, they’ve been very quiet. They don’t wake me up and I hope this is how it stays. The soundproofing stuff Tom put in helps a great deal. I am very glad he put it in. Imagine how great it’ll be when it’s complete. He still is planning on spraying the gaps with something that dries up to be Styrofoam.

Andy’s gonna shit when I tell him about Larry. In a way, I think he should have just stayed away, let dead dogs lay, and not come around after all these years.

Yesterday I fell asleep at about 9 AM and slept until 7 PM. I sure needed to, but I awoke with a hell of a nightmare. Well, in a couple of days, I’m supposed to be off my probation. I sent in my last report form yesterday. In my dream, it was only around June or July of ‘93. Tom wasn’t in the dream at all. I supposedly violated my probation and was ordered to return to MA. By whom and how - I don’t know. Some guy (I don’t know who) was helping me pack. I pulled out an old pair of gloves. He said it was a good thing I kept them, cuz I’d need them back east. The situation obviously hadn’t hit me. I can remember thinking to myself how there had to be a way to solve this problem, clear up the mistake, and stay here in PHX. I thought of calling my parents for help but still refused to talk to them.

The next thing I knew I was in some large, bright, crowded room. People gathered around a big TV where some show was discussing people on probation from other states. It was mentioning what we all did wrong. When I was mentioned, it named all these people I was supposed to have burned and that I was ordered back to MA. I think even Stacey was there. I walked a few steps away and there was Andy. I asked if he saw the thing on me on TV. He said no. I asked him to “foresee” if and when I’d return. He said August 31st. I assumed he meant of ‘93 and I was relieved, but then he shook his head and said, “Of ‘94.”

Panic ripped through me as the realization of losing this weather, my gorgeous apartment (guess I was still single), palm trees and cactuses were unbearable. Then I woke up.

Later…

Tom got home at 7:20 and things have been going great with us. At 7:00 I got a great idea. I said I’d like to tell him and that if he didn’t agree, I’d compromise somehow. I suggested staying committed, but if we were to ever marry - shoot for one year from now. Perhaps December of ‘94. This will give us both the time to get over any fears and doubts. This way he can see that I won’t be violent or anything like that. And I can see that he’ll love me unconditionally. Occasionally telling me to put off something is fine, but here’s an example. He tells me I can be with him and be a singer. (big time or small) I believe him and take him at face value, but if I can ever get my damn foot in the door and I see him keep his word, I’ll be even more of a believer. Here’s another example. He’s never said to choose between him and being friends with Andy. With each passing month, I believe he won’t change that. He agreed.

I called my doctor’s office. My test results haven’t come back yet, but I’ll be called either way. My referral is being mailed to me.

Speaking of mail, I never get any anymore. It’s good, yet funny and weird and different not getting and paying bills in my name. No letters from Bob since the 15th. I hope nothing’s wrong.

I took a Pre-Sym pill for water gain, bloating and other PMS symptoms. At least I’m not a bitch. I’m in a good mood and can’t wait to see that movie tonight. It’ll be on in 9 hours.

I found a way to use my perfume without it bothering me. I sprayed it inside the back cover of this book.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1993 I just checked Prodigy and still no message from Tammy. She must be very busy. I’ll need to call her soon to see how she’s been and to tell her my not-so-good news.

My pap didn’t go so well yesterday. She is almost sure that the discharges are normal for me and she couldn’t see any apparent infections. The bad and baffling news is that my cervix is inflamed and also that there’s scarring right inside the opening. No other GYNs have told me this before and half of them say I’m of average size down there and the others agree I’m too small. Tom and I know there’s no chance of him getting inside there without my being made bigger by surgery. He accepts this and this is no problem for him, but there are times when I just wish I could function sexually as most women that are with guys do. The doctor says it’s unusual to be as small as I am and she doesn’t know why I am. She doesn’t know if it’s due to the DES.

As for the scarring, well, there’s Tom’s idea about it and then there are mine and the doctor’s. The doctor says it’s probably the times when I tried to “get Tom in there.” She says it doesn’t take much and even though it was only 3 weeks ago that we last tried, scarring can be there. I agree that this is the only possibility and no other doctor ever mentioned this before. Tom says he thinks I was molested as a kid. No way. No one in my family would’ve done this to me and it would’ve been medically evident a long time ago. He even was upset, saying that I was blaming him and protecting someone. It’s no one’s fault and I am not protecting anyone. If anyone ever did anything to me, I’m sure I’d be fully aware of it, it’d be medically evident, and I’d also speak up about it. I wouldn’t feel ashamed or guilty, cuz it wouldn’t have been my fault.

I just wish there was some way to make me bigger and less sensitive. The exam wasn’t painful, but it was very uncomfortable. Thank God I don’t want kids, cuz how would I conceive or even have them?

I’m waiting for the office to call me with the name of a specialist GYN. I hope, though, that there’s a problem with my insurance approving it, cuz I really don’t want to go. I’m tired of one thing after another and it’s really hard for me to believe this isn’t a punishment. After I have sex, with a guy or a girl, there’s some problem. What have I done to deserve this? I haven’t been on the phone or in any other trouble. I just want to be healthy and function normally sexually. I hope nothing’s wrong if I do go to a GYN.

Other than all this bullshit, things have been very good.

Thank God my parents still haven’t tried to call. But last night there was a hang-up call and I know it was ma. I could tell by the mannerism in which she hung up the phone. I’ve had enough phone fights with her to know how she hangs up on me. She was definitely frustrated and angry. My good pitch also helps me.

I’m gonna hold off a little longer on writing about the great idea Andy came up with till we discuss it more.

Not much else is going on. I think I’ve covered all the big stuff.

The weather’s hanging in the 80s here and the 30s to upper 40s back east. Fran called his local weather line and I called mine. When he heard it he said, “You bitch!”

Can’t wait until Friday night. A movie called The Guardian will be on and it’s got this hot English lady in it. I’m gonna tape her, alright.

I may or may not still get a binder the size of my journals to type in. I’d put blank note pages in it for if I’m out somewhere. I’m not sure I’m gonna continue copying my journals. Typing and printing them, I mean. Perhaps I will when I’m totally bored with nothing better to do. I will very soon begin editing for sure.

Kim, Phil and Alex oughta be home now. I hope Alex writes to me and that they all send some pictures. I can only imagine the look on Alex’s face when he read my letter. Kim too, as I sent her a copy of the letter I sent Alex, although Alex will probably show it to her.

I’m gonna write to Kim, Alex, Fran, Nervous and Bob. Speaking of Bob, what the hell’s going on with him? To not get a letter from him in two weeks is weird. Or almost two weeks. I think the last letter I got from him came on the 15th, so yes, it’s just about two weeks. I’ll send a letter bugging him and begging him to write and I’m sure he will. I hope nothing’s wrong and I wish he could get out here and be done with his court case.

In half an hour, the movie I taped will be over, so I’ll do a letter till then.

Fran and Nerv got my topless pictures.

Later…

I thought I was gonna fall asleep, but I guess not.

I just cut my index fingernail and already I must do so again. It digs into my thumb when I write. My nails and hair grow very fast.

Tom came in at 7:30 and we chatted for about 20 minutes. He’s gone to sleep now. I may not be awake till after he’s gone to work.

I told him if he’s ever in for a boring night at work, he can take along and read my book of letters.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1993 55 more minutes to go and it’ll be my 6th year journaling anniversary! I began my first journal 6 years ago. But this was back east, and it’s already the 27th there. There’s no time in my very first entry, as it took me a while to get organized. I know it was sometime during the afternoon.

Fran called at around 9:30 PM my time and we talked for about 45 minutes.

Before I woke up, that girl Andy works with left a message about cutting my hair. She didn’t leave a number, so I hope she calls back.

Things are still going great with Tom, but I’ll write more later.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 25, 1993 Today was a very nice day. Tom wasn’t home when I awoke, but we talked when he got home. We also talked late last night after I wrote my last entry.

I’ll only cover a few things now as tomorrow I have to go to my doctor’s. That’ll be a 2-hour deal, so I’ll remember to bring this book to pass time. The waiting time is ridiculous.

I now have that soft bed I like. I still want a soft foam double bed, but for now, I can make do. My twin bed has always been too hard, so I pulled out the foam mattress from my couch bed. Tom cut it to fit the top of my bed and it’s so much more comfortable.

We also played a few games of Crazy 8’s.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 24, 1993 I’m kind of depressed at the moment. It’s not like something’s happened to make me feel this way, but I guess I’m still struggling with the pros and cons of both staying and leaving here. I’m beginning to feel empty even when we don’t fight, and we haven’t for a week. I’m gonna miss never having one-nighters with women twice a year or so. I’ve come to accept this a long time ago and know I can’t be with women whether I tried to or not. It’s just not meant to be. I’m just not accepted by them and you know I’ve had no luck with the bars or placing ads. And when I would, it was only once a year or two.

Not having sex with Tom is no problem for me now. I’ve gotten used to it and I’m not gonna keep begging. It seems that 9 out of 10 good days when he’s in a good mood and well-rested he still never approaches me. The 10 times or so we’ve done it, I’m the one who started it. He only started it a couple of times and this was only after I told him it wasn’t fair if it were always me to start it. I’ve come to accept and do without and am now even a bit turned off by the idea. I think I’d refuse if he hit on me for sex. I’m also not gonna be easy. I’m gonna play hard to get. Yes, it’s my turn now to play hard to get. Only question is, will I get the chance? I doubt it. I think we’re now strictly platonic.

Here’s a list of the pros and cons of leaving/staying.

Pros of staying:

Happy and fun times with Tom Living in a house Private yard and pool Can blast music all the time Use the computer Save money Dancing’s not a must Transportation when needed The easiest place to sleep No neighbors attached below, above, or next door EC is healthier His VCR and couch are nicer Have washer/dryer Cons of staying:

The stress of when we fight Difficult compromises Not being able to have a yearly or bi-yearly one-nighter with a woman Missing our good times Dealing with the barking dogs Dealing with an older place (especially the kitchen), no dishwasher or garbage disposal No year-round heated spa or pool Accidentally leaving stuff around that I wish him not to see, like letters Fear of him deciding not to help me move and throwing my stuff out (although I doubt this) Pros of leaving:

No stress of any fights No difficult compromises Can have one-nighters with women My own place to decorate with all my stuff only No fear of him seeing personal stuff, like letters Modern place with dishwasher and garbage disposal Heated pool and spa year-round Fewer dogs barking Cons of leaving:

Probably couldn’t sleep Couldn’t blast music at all hours Connected neighbors Probably many more kids screaming Probably no washer/dryer in apartment Weekly early-morning lawnmowers and blowers No transportation Must always dance Probably less extra money My VCR and couch sucks No EC No computer No private yard and pool Dealing with overall apartment living Well, it looks like I oughta give it more time here according to those 4 lists. I know a lot of the stuff was materialistic, but that is a part of it, too.

Andy was over for a couple of hours. We both typed up a letter to Fran, then played about 6 games of Crazy 8’s, then he typed a letter to his cousin while I watched TV.

I have yet to write about his great idea, but I will when I get in the mood.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 22, 1993 Before I get backed up once again, I’m gonna mention today and then cover that 3-day fight.

Today was a good day, but I feel like I have a cold. I’ve been feeling this way for nearly a week.

Tom gave me some floppy disk labels that I’m using to cover the holes in my cassette tapes. It’s better than regular scotch tape. So, I spent a couple of hours reorganizing all my tapes and making their labels look a lot nicer. I’ve made them more understandable too, in a sense. Beside the number of each tape, I put either the letter E, M, or C (E-edits, M-music, C-convos). I still have to make Gloria’s medley as I said a few years ago.

I didn’t really do anything else today, so I guess I’ll get on with the fight. Well, let’s just say I was within inches of moving out. Again, let me first stress that there was no violence or anything like that. No one ever hurt anyone’s stuff either. We’re not like that.

It began the last night that my company stayed here. As I said, Tom knew damn well that they were. As I went to open the front door I noticed it was double-locked and I couldn’t get my key into the bottom lock. Alex used a credit card to pry open the laundry room door which was locked too, and I had left Tom a memo to please open it. When Alex got in he was able to go through the garage and open the front door.

I was fuming, and more so when I got Tom’s message on the voicemail. He said to let him know when he could have “his” house back, as he felt sick and tired and couldn’t sleep with the company there. He said he was gonna stay elsewhere (he wouldn’t say where not that I care).

I admit I jumped the gun on the lock issue but I wasn’t buying anything else we talked about when I called him at work. I called him at work as I was so mad and couldn’t wait. He insisted my key works both locks which he later proved to me. So there I was wrong and I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. He said he didn’t see the memo cuz he didn’t have time. That one I don’t buy, as he was busy with a million things that had nothing to do with me, so that wasn’t my fault.

So I told him they’d be leaving at noon on the 15th and he told me I needed to get another place to live. I was so pissed, cuz he knew this was coming, and I swore at him and hung up.

So when he came home after they left, I insisted that I couldn’t believe we woke him up when he’s slept through a lot of other noise. I believe he was jealous and felt left out cuz he had to work.

I asked him if he dumps all his girlfriends as soon as he has a beef with them and he said that I was dumping him. Well, it wasn’t me who thought of moving out. He brought it up first. Then he went on and on saying that whether I did this intentionally or not, I was killing him and abusing him. This really pissed me off and he said that I must truly feel guilty or else I wouldn’t be pissed or hurt. I explained to him the reason why I was pissed and hurt was cuz these words were coming from someone that’s supposed to love me and care for me and know me and my intentions a whole lot better. My mother, for example, said some pretty vicious things about me as a kid which wasn’t true and it hurt like hell as this was coming from my own mother. I also was fed up with him going back on his word. He said that he’d never suggest I move out. That fights and disagreements were part of relationships and that you stick together when you love someone and try to work it out.

Then he said he couldn’t remember any good times, I wasn’t helpful, and was using him. He did take that back, as we all say things we don’t mean when we’re angry. I have always paid my fair share and I do a lot of helpful things around the house that save him time. We also have had plenty of good times, as I wouldn’t have moved in here if we hadn’t.

So we agreed to make a list of things, as I won’t have him (or anyone) deny things I know I or they said. I also hate those that go back on their word without legit reasons. He’s gone back on his word about it being up to me whether or not to go back to dancing. He says that due to the risks being higher of me doing my type of work, he can’t handle the additional stress. This is cuz if he had to leave his job if I got hurt, he’d be fired. Shit can happen to anyone anywhere although his fears are acceptable and understandable. He fears me taking cabs. I’ve been lucky to have regular drivers, but you do never know and most cabbies carry guns. Of course, I’d prefer for him to take me to and from work if he could. Like if we worked at home. I’d also prefer to make money by working on the computer than by getting sore feet and having to give too much of my money away to the DJ, bouncers and bartenders, as much as I do love to dance. I’m sick of being used by the bar’s owners to support other employees.

So, he told me he can’t stop me from dancing as I’m an adult and he’s not my daddy, but that if I loved him enough, I’d have to move out if I wanted to dance. I still feel that a person should stand by the one they love no matter what they choose to do unless it’s illegal or harming people. But then he says it’s just as easy for him to say if I loved him enough, I wouldn’t put him under that kind of stress and worry. I guess I see it two ways. His way and mine both make sense. He said that if he’s working at home or has a different job, things may be different as far as that goes.

Well, I can’t say I’ll be here forever, but right now I still do want us to work out and learn to communicate better. I do admit I have my faults too and can sometimes jump the gun defensively. I also come from another part of the country and some of our words mean different things to one another. Just like Spanish words and signs vary in different areas. He told me I was attractive and gorgeous. I thought these words meant the same, but he relates attractive to the inside of a person and gorgeous to the outside. I’ve always considered them both to mean the outside of a person.

So, for now, the dancing and how long I’m here are up in the air. I certainly hope it all can be worked out somehow as I don’t want to have to give him up any more than I’d want to give my sister up just cuz I have a dream. I want to have my cake and eat it too.

How’s my dream tied into this? Well, Andy has an idea for him and Donna and me. If we decide to put the idea into action, then I’ll need to make more money by dancing. That’d mean moving out too. I hope it doesn’t come down to this, but Tom insists I should go for my dream. I want to do this with him, though, and I hope there’ll be a way to make any extra money I’ll need in a way we both can agree on and deal with. Only time will tell this. I’ll write about Andy’s idea another time, which I think is a great one and probably is the only chance the 3 of us are ever gonna have at this day and time.

The reason why I took offense to Tom’s saying my house is cuz for a while there I felt like I was living with him in his house, not our house. I don’t legally want my name on this house, but I want it to be our house in both of our hearts.

When things get really bad between a couple, it’s good to involve someone you can trust. So, Tammy, who has lots of experience was a great help to me. Again, she knows I’d never call her if we couldn’t agree on a movie or something of that petty nature.

There are a bunch of other little things here and there, but I forgot them.

Oh, here’s one. Tom saw me put a picture of Kim and I hugging into my photo album. Later he said he had doubts and wondered if I fooled around. Yeah, right! I think I know why he said this. Cuz at first I asked him about him and Wendy. I don’t believe they ever fool around, but if they ever do - more power to them. It’s their bodies and their lives.

I don’t think Tom would ever be a bad father in the way I’d be a bad mom, but it’s a good thing there’ll never be any kids. I really don’t think he could handle the lack of sleep any more than I could. I told him this and he said if he knew it was coming he could be prepared for it. Right. He knew my company was coming.

He mentioned getting his hair cut and that Wendy could do it, but said that I won’t let her come over. I never said that. Hell, I’d be her friend as long as she didn’t try to pit one of us against the other.

So, this is what we agreed on… No overnight company. Our friends can come over (even though he doesn’t allow his over), but only if one of us isn’t here or is at least up for it. Meaning Andy can come over while he’s working and while he’s home as long as he’s not sick or tired. This is all very fair to me.

We’ll probably never partially or totally agree on some things, but we are trying and it has been a lot better since last Sunday.

To make it easier though, and cut down on time, Andy has some promising ads on apartments at nearby complexes. This way if I ever do leave, I’ll have some apartment ideas, rather than be like - where do I begin?

When I told Andy I was leaving when we both thought I would (mainly him), he was unhappy for me. He shocked me by saying he was hoping I was gonna tell him we were getting married. I wish I wanted to as much as I was once starting to, but in truth, I don’t. We still have doubts and need to learn more so we can flourish together. The flame’s burned out for me, too, although I’m sure that’d happen even if I lusted for him sexually the way I have with some women.

A couple of days ago we were out on the bench swing and he said something that really touched me. He said that he was aware he needs to change too. This was great, cuz for a while there I felt as if he was pinning it all on me.

Well, I’m gonna go grab a bite to eat and maybe edit some stuff.

Later…

This still blows my mind! It’s late October and hot out. Today is beyond warm. It’s hot, probably near the mid-90s. I just took a break to go rub-a-dub-dub this beautiful weather into Tam. She tells me it’s in the 40s there.

[dasleidenderanderen]

O.C.

Part 2/4

Without being told twice Seth hurried to get his parents. Already calling their names. Summers mind was racing. What again had it been they taught her about first aid last year, when she was forced to participate in this stupid workshop. Thinking back she thanked her mother for it. Her view got caught by one of Ryans chairs. She went to get it and positioned his legs on its seat so his legs were elevated. Was that the right thing to do? Maybe change him to recovery position? Before she could decide, she saw him stir. The movement was only short but it was there. Again she knelt by his side, touching his shoulder. „Ryan, come on man!“ His eyelids fluttered before closing again. „No, no, no!“ she cried. She again shook him, not to intense of course, but in a way she hoped it would reach him. Her efforts were rewarded. Ryan blinked once, twice before he opened his eyes. It was nearly this moment for Kirsten, Sandy and Seth to reach the pool house. Sandy sat down on Ryans other side, one knee on the floor. „Ryan? Can you hear me?“ Slowly, very slowly the teenage nodded his head. It was as if his brain was taking some time was processing what was around him. „How long has he been out?“, Sandy addressed her. Summer had to think about this. „I doubt it could have been more than five minutes“, she answered, even though it had felt like eternity to her. Sandy nodded, indicating he understood. Ryan was gazing between them. He seemed confused. His face was still almost as white as his shirt. „Sandy... Summer...what“ He broke off. With shaky hands he rubbed his face, wondering why he was lying on the floor. „Maybe we should send for an ambulance?“ Kirsten's voice came from somewhere behind him. „Better wait a moment and then we will decide what to do, I guess“, Sandy answered. „Please Seth, get him some water. You think you can sit up, Ryan?“ Ryan nodded slightly doubtful. He still could not fully understand what was going on around him. He felt Sandys grip around his right arm and Summers around his left, when the both of them helped him out of his awkward position. Dark spots danced before his eyes as soon as he was upright. For one moment he felt like passing out again, but then his vision cleared. He knew they all were watching him. He felt sick. „You alright?“, Sandy asked. All Ryan could do was shaking his head. He could feel the saliva pooling in his mouth, while his stomach contracted in knots. He swallowed convulsive and gave his best to breath deep through his nose. He did not dare to open his mouth. Behind him there was some commotion when someone opened one of his cupboards. Shortly after a small bucket was placed on the floor in front of him. „Go, wait outside“, he heard Kirsten's voice.