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idyllic-ghost · 9 months

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Pairing: AI!Dino x researcher!reader

Title: Light of My Life, Treasure of My Memories

A/N: It's finally here! I've been planning this fic since January and I finally get to post it!!! I hope that you can give it as much love as I have put into it

Synopsis: The life of a researcher is dull when every answer you seek is at the tip of your fingers. New technology may have brought us a comfortable life, but for you it was almost torture. There had to be something more. So when you got the opportunity to be a researcher for the cognitive sciences of Automatons, you took it. But what happens if the outcome isn’t what you expected? What if these beings you call robots have life? How does one define the essence of life? More importantly, how could you stay objective when you were slowly falling in love with your test subject?

Genre: sci-fi, angst, fluff, right person wrong time

Warnings: gore, heavy topics, loss, imprisonment

Rating: PG 13

Word count: 16k

Read the other stories of this collab!

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

100 years ago it was thought that the Earth, as we know it, would disintegrate. That the sun would implode and leave everything in darkness. Miraculously, it didn’t. Due to some external force, human scientists still haven’t agreed upon what it exactly was, none of the planets in our former solar system were ever destroyed. The Earth, along with the other planets, were pushed away from each other and ended up in different parts of the universe. Earth just happened to come to a solar system with alien life. At first, we were cautious, and people were prepared to fight. However, the aliens were welcoming to our planet. Those of us who didn’t die from ‘The Great Journey’ or from trying to fight the aliens, were welcomed into the new solar system. Soon enough, we had integrated completely, and we received materials and assistance from our sister planets in exchange for human labor. What humans knew of technology was very limited, but with the resources of the aliens we created artificial life forms. We named these robots Automaton, and they served as workers when humans couldn’t. Eventually, there was no need for human labor at all. To pay back for the help the aliens gave us, we used Automatons. With the extensive development of these robots, we eventually managed to create artificial sentient life. These Automatons were human-like in looks and had human consciousness, but they could not bleed and were stronger than we ever could be. At present, there are even different levels of Automatons. Level 3 robots are the workers, level 2 robots are the caretakers, and level 1 robots are the celebrities. The Automaton music group 53V3NT33N (SEVENTEEN) is made up of 13 members, all very talented, and all representing two human states of mind.

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

“Examination of automaton number thirteen,” you speak into your recorder, “Name: D1N0. Designated emotions: hope and despair.”

The clicking noise of the recorder made you stand up taller - a Pavlovian habit from years in your field. Every interview you had ever recorded, all of the voice notes you had ever taken, flashed before your eyes at the sound of that click. It reminded you of what you were about to get yourself into.

Looking in the mirror of the elevator, you began fixing subtle things about your appearance. Meeting an idol, even if he was an automaton, was nerve-wracking. These automatons were created and revamped to perfection. It was nothing like researching lower-level automatons. Level three’s, and even two’s, didn’t have the same resources to stay so perfect. Interviewing and inspecting a level one automaton would essentially be like meeting a newly made robot - one without imperfections. That’s why you agreed to this job in the first place, even if it was repetitive busy work. You bounced on the heels of your feet, trying to find an outlet for the pitter-patter in your heart. The elevator dings and the doors open. Your smile fades when you’re met with the white room. A grayish, dull, white color. There was no personality, and barely any furniture despite the size of the room. The sight confused you; automaton or not, everyone you had interacted with throughout your studies had a home that reflected themselves. Nevertheless, you stepped inside - determined to find the robot that you had received a picture of. He was handsome, as most automata were - brown hair, warm and inviting eyes, but his smile was as dull as the room The lights were glaring, with an annoying blue hue - but the bright light made it easy to see the group of robots in the room.

“D1N0?” you called out.

One of the automatons present turned to you, responding with a shy nod. You recognized him from the photo. What captured your attention first, what stood out, was the mark between his collarbones. Some sort of device, in the shape of a diamond, seemed to be attached to his skin. This wasn’t something you had seen in other automatons. You walked up to him with a professional smile and held out your hand to shake. He gave you a confused look before slowly putting out his hand as well as if he were unsure of what to do.

“Pleasure to meet you, D1N0-”

“You can say ‘Dino’,” he interrupted.

“Alright,” you said and repeated, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dino. I’ll be doing some research with you. I won’t be too invasive, just going to ask you a few questions and run a few tests from time to time. You’ll be seeing me around for a while now.”

Dino nodded and turned his back to you, leaving you stunned.

+:★:+

He was reserved around you. There was a big difference in how he spoke to you and how he spoke to the other members. When Dino was alone with the other automata, his smile was brighter and he conversed with a lot of hand movements. However, as soon as he knew he was being watched he would turn back to the reserved version of himself. No matter how much time you spent with him, you couldn’t push down his walls. It was clear that he didn’t trust you, but you couldn’t figure out a reason as to why.

Dino was never a bother to anyone. He was the opposite. Always helpful, and always ‘happy’, and you would never catch him getting into a real fight with anyone. There was playful fighting within the group, but you never saw it get serious for him. He was the youngest but there was something about him that made him seem older. When he was with his group, he was spirited. However, when he was left alone his demeanor changed. You would watch him through a camera and frequently see him sit down in a corner of his room. He wasn’t crying, or angrily mumbling to himself, he just seemed numb. There was no emotion in him, his form seemed lifeless. You couldn’t find a way to bring it up in your interviews, but the image of him hugging his knees to his chest never left you.

Each interview was the same. You would ask him questions about the emotions he had during the week, ask him to evaluate what could have brought him to those emotions, and then end it with general questions. Every other week, you got to analyze his coding. You knew this wouldn’t be a very interesting job, you were just supposed to find regularities in the automaton’s behavior. So, you didn’t need to dig deeper than you had - but you wanted to.

+:★:+

“Weekly check-up,” you said as you put the recorder on the table between you and Dino, “Are you ready?”

“Yes,” he said quietly.

You pressed the record button and made sure that the light turned on before you looked at your notes. Dino was fidgeting with his hands. The very human response to nervousness didn’t surprise you. After doing so much research with lower-level automatons, you came to understand that their actions were very human. Nevertheless, seeing Dino, an idol, being nervous seemed strange to you.

“How have you been feeling this week?” you asked.

“Watched,” he answered bitterly.

“... right.” You took a deep breath and looked through your notes again. “Do you mind if I go off script?”

“... go for it.” His interest piqued ever so slightly, but he remained stoic.

You put away your notes and turned to him. The only way to get him to trust you was if you could make him feel less watched, is what you thought. So, you turned off your recorder and put it to the side. You’d have to rely on your memory for this conversation.

“Let’s just talk,” you said, “I asked you how you are, now you get to ask me a question.”

Dino stared at you dumbfounded. It was clear that no human had ever treated him like this, and you could already feel yourself peel back the layers of his personality. Surely, there had to be more to him than hope and despair.

“What’s your job here? You said you were doing research but you never said what kind.” He leaned forward a little, letting his arms rest against the table.

“I have my degree in philosophy and cognition,” you admitted. “I don’t get much use for the first part of my degree, my research is primarily focused on the second one. I’m here to see how your ‘brain’ works.”

“Why don’t you get to use the first part?” he asked quickly.

The question threw you off guard. You sat back in your seat, looking down at the table in front of you. Dino’s hands were on the table, lying completely still on the surface. They weren’t fidgeting anymore. His entire stature had changed, now leaning forward slightly - eager to hear your response. But you were stumped.

“There’s just not a lot of job offers.” You put your hands right in front of his. “Most people don’t need philosophy unless in a historical context.”

“... could you explain to me what it is?”

Dino didn’t meet your eyes, and he started fidgeting again. You put one of your hands on top of his in a soothing manner. It was something that always worked with others, but Dino jumped at your touch. You had forgotten where you were for a moment and quickly gathered yourself after your act of emotion.

“Maybe another time. Is it not my turn to ask a question?”

The two of you went back to your normal interview style, Dino being slightly more comfortable to answer now.

+:★:+

After that interview, you were taken aside by one of the managers. He took you to a closed room. It was dark, the only light coming from the slight gap in the door. You couldn’t see his expression, but you had a feeling it was stern.

“We ask you to avoid certain topics with D1N0 from now on,” he said in a cold tone, “We’ve had issues with this one before, so we’ve made a list for you.”

You disliked how he referred to the automaton but decided not to speak on it. Instead, you accepted his list and walked out of the room. It was a yellow-stained white sheet of paper, the edges folded as if they had handed it around haphazardly. You wondered how they came to find out about your conversation with Dino when you hadn’t even recorded it, and you made a mental note to check the room for cameras next time.

On the paper was a list of topics you needed to avoid. Anything about the Earth as it was before the “Great Journey”, anything surrounding the topic of other planets, and any details on what you’re doing at the facilities were prohibited. The list continued, but you didn’t bother reading the entire thing.

Even with this setback, you managed to build a rapport with Dino. The two of you discussed his emotions and he let you test his psychological responses to certain hypothetical events. As you kept talking to him, the more you came to understand him - but it also made you think that the research you were doing may be an invasion of his privacy. It never occurred to you before, but the automatons you were studying never agreed to be studied. It was a middle-man who had given you the OK, who had given you instructions of what to do, and you had never heard anything from the automatons themselves. You had managed to build a friendship with Dino, but he had still not agreed to your research. So if he hadn’t agreed yet, did you have the right to do this at all? As a result of these thoughts, your work grew sloppy. You “forgot” to record from time to time, and your notes were practically unreadable. Despite your efforts to hide this, Dino had started catching on.

“Shouldn’t you be recording this conversation?” he asked.

“Ah. Right.” You reached for your recorder.

“You didn’t record our last check-up either,” he hummed.

“... I just took notes later. It’s fine, Dino.” You turned on the recorder. “There. It’s on.”

Dino gave you a strange look, he seemed confused but somewhat relieved. The diamond-shaped shiny emblem between his collarbones caught your attention. He caught you looking and shifted his shirt to hide it. There was something he wasn’t telling you about that, but you understood why - his managers were clearly always listening in, and you suspected it had something to do with that mark.

“Alright, let’s begin.”

+:★:+

You never found a camera in the office, so you thought that there might be a hidden mic. However, no matter how much you looked you found nothing. In your small “office” there weren’t many places where one could hide a mic. It made you start growing weary of your situation. Everything was suspicious. So, the device between his collarbones became your next obsession. Whenever it was on display, your eyes would fall on it. There had to be something special about it - you had never seen a lower-level automaton with it before, but all of 53V3NT33N had them from what you had seen. Working in this place was draining you, for reasons that you never imagined.

You were sitting in the automata’s common area, which was currently empty due to them being away at an event, and waiting for Dino to come back. It was time for another interview. The pen kept slipping into your sweaty palm as you tried to write down some notes. Most of it was about the situation you found yourself in - the moral dilemma of your subject having zero autonomy. It was all scribbles, looking back on it. You could barely read your own handwriting. The pain in your stomach grew as time passed, and your tension headache stayed strong.

“Have you been waiting long?” Dino’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

After a deep breath, you looked up at him with a strained smile, answering that you hadn’t been waiting long at all and that you had just gotten there. No one else was behind him. He had to have been the first one to get back.

“You look ill,” he said, “Are you alright?”

“I’m just fine, Dino. Do you want to start your next interview?”

The two of you walked to your office and sat down. The short walk there hadn’t helped your sickly state, in fact, it only seemed to make it worse. Being closer to the office made you more anxious, and being even more anxious made your already stressed-out head even worse.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Dino asked again.

“I’m just a little stressed.” You sighed.

“About me.”

“No, not about you… Well, yes about you.” You put your things to the side and hid your face in your hands, “But I can’t talk about it, so don’t ask.”

“I won’t,” he hummed. “... I used to be stressed about this too. I didn’t like that you were prodding around in my thoughts.”

It was the first time you had ever heard him open up, and it felt horrible. You knew you had to report this, but you just didn’t want to anymore.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered out.

As a sort of peace offering, he reached his hand out across the table. You put your hand in his and let out a breath that you didn’t know you had been holding in. His hand was warm. Even though your hand was sweaty and cold, his gentle smile didn’t change.

“It’ll be okay,” he said.

“I hope so,” you hummed. “I don’t want you to act any differently around me after this - don’t feel sorry for me. I’m still a person you can come to if you need help.”

“I know.”

The day everything changed was when one of the automata of 53V3NT33N, 5.C0UP5, had enough. You were in your small office, the room where you would conduct your interviews with Dino when you heard the alarm go off. At first, you were calm. You went to go out through the door, but it was locked. The ID card you had gotten didn’t work. The panic started settling in, and you began throwing yourself at the door until your arm begged you to stop. The blaring sound of the alarm was never ending and it was making your already clammy hands slip on the door handle when you grabbed it. Your heart was beating quickly in your chest, and your throat began closing up. The alarm continued, and you were left with nothing. It was almost comical how quickly you gave up and gave in to your fears. With shaky legs, you went over to your table and crawled under it, pulling your knees up to your chest and putting your hands over your ears. It went on for what felt like hours, but you weren’t counting. Something had happened, something bad enough that they needed to lock down the facility and sound the warning bell. You thought of the possibilities - a fire seemed unlikely, they wouldn’t lock you in, but some sort of break-in could be the case. If so, you were happy to stay underneath your table with your hands over your ears. This thought, however, made your blood as cold as ice when a big thump sounded against your door. Someone was throwing themselves against it. You scrambled to your feet and went behind the table, taking a chair to hold up in front of you. When the door broke open, you shut your eyes tight.

“Are you okay?”

Although breathy, you recognized the voice. When you opened your eyes you were met with the soft brown eyes that had greeted you on your first day here. A million thoughts ran through your head; Why was he here? Did he have something to do with the alarm? How did he get here on his own?

“I’m fine.” Was all you could muster.

You stared at each other. Dino was holding the door open, and the alarm was still blaring, but every need to get out left your body when you saw him. You almost smiled. When the dust had settled, and you had found your words again, Dino motioned for you to follow him.

“What’s happened?” you asked as you walked around the table.

“We’re escaping,” he admitted, “S.Coups he… I have no idea what’s happened if I’m being honest- I don’t even know why I left Mingyu and Seungkwan… shit.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” You reached out to him.

Instead of jumping at your touch, this time he invited it by closing the distance. Your hands fell on his arms, trying to soothe him with gentle motions of your thumbs. Dino didn’t know what to do with his hands, flailing them around before finally letting them hang by his sides.

“Just tell me what we need to do.”

“... we’re escaping,” he repeated, “I want you to come with me.”

Your eyes widened, but for some reason, you didn’t question it. After the months you had spent here, you had realized that your perspective of your work had been flawed. For some reason, you trust that Dino has your best interest at heart. You trust him. It was risky, but you were willing to go through with it. You grabbed Dino’s hand and let him guide you out of the room. However, as soon as you left the sanctuary that was your office, your thoughts started racing - especially about the people who might be watching you at this very moment. You stopped Dino by pulling on his arm.

“Wait.” Your eyes fell upon the mark on his clavicle, “We need to get rid of that.”

Dino’s hand fell upon the device, watching in horror as you went back to your office to grab something sharp. When you came back with a mechanical pen Dino quickly put his hand over his chest.

“It’ll hurt. I’ve tried before.”

You looked at his hand that was covering the mark. It was slightly cupped as if he was trying to avoid touching it. You reached out to his hand, putting your hand on his wrist. Dino’s arm tensed up under your touch.

“If we don’t do it I think they’ll find us,” you explained, “This… thing is somehow linking you to your managers, we have to remove it.”

Dino lowered his arm with much hesitation, behind his eyes you could see him debating your words in his head. There was nothing else you could tell him to convince him, this would have to be his own choice. So when he took the mechanical pen from your hand, you tried to not let out a very obvious breath of relief.

“Could I just… crack it?” he asked softly.

The look in his eye, combined with his shaky voice, made you give in almost too easily - Dino could probably convince you to do anything at this point. So, even though you knew it was a bad idea - you took the chance.

“... we’ll risk it.”

You watched him feel for the device on his clavicle, making sure that he knew where to aim. Dino was a decapitated rabbit, pushed to the side of the asphalt, and you couldn’t pull your eyes away from the scene. No blood spurted when he started cracking it, but his soft groans and sobs still reminded you of a slaughter. His stabs at himself were relentless, to the point where you had to physically restrain him once you saw the low light of the device go out. You got his hands away from his chest and put yourself between him and the pen - hugging him as if he would disappear if you let go. Dino’s body went limp. He let go of the pen and dropped it on the floor. You didn’t bother picking it up. Instead, you maneuvered to his side and took one of his arms around your shoulders for him to walk.

“If I’m right we’ll run into guards soon…” you mumbled, mostly to yourself. “You need to cover up the.. thing. I’m going to try something.”

Reaching the door to the last building before the exit, you began preparing yourself to pull off the most important lie you would ever tell. You made sure that Dino could stand on his own before you opened it. On the other side, you found a guard waiting for you.

“Authorization?” he asked.

You showed him your card.

“And what are you doing with D1N0?” he asked while looking at your card.

“I caught him trying to escape, I’m bringing him to the back while the managers sort out the issue.” You grabbed Dino’s wrist. “I’m in charge of him as a researcher. I know his behavior better than anyone, I know how to handle it.”

“I’m not questioning your capabilities.” The guard handed you your card back. “There’s a room a bit further down the hall to your right, a laundry room. I’ll come get the two of you when the situation has died down. There’s a manual lock, so make sure to lock the door behind you.”

You were surprised at how easy it was to pass, but you couldn’t think of it further when you finally got past the guard. The only objective was to get out. Dino stumbled behind you as you pulled on his arm to hurry up. The corridor seemed endless, but it wasn’t long before you had made it to your destination. When you reached the door with the sign “LAUNDRY” on it, you stepped inside and locked the door behind you as the guard had said. It was almost halfway to the exit door. However, you couldn’t leave the room without causing suspicion. You turned to Dino, who had slumped against a few bags of laundry. Inside the laundry room, the sound of the alarm wasn’t as loud as it was outside. A mix of the humming sound of the washing machines and the well-isolated walls created a barrier around you. You looked around the room, trying to find anything to help your escape.

“Windows,” you whispered to yourself.

Up high on the wall were barred windows. The bars were metal but were small enough that you might be able to see through them with something sharp. You began climbing on the washing machines to get to the windows, and when shaking the bars you noted that they weren’t anchored well enough.

“Dino, can you help me?”

When you didn’t get a response, you looked behind you to see the automaton passed out on the floor. You hadn’t even considered that he could still be in pain, but seeing him unconscious sprung you into action. After climbing down from the machines, you propped Dino up against the bags of laundry. In any other setting, you would’ve been freaking out - but the adrenaline of being so close to freedom kept you alert.

“You have to wake up, Dino. Come on,” you mumbled as you tried to bring him back to consciousness by lightly shaking him.

The only response you got was a flutter of his eyes and a hum. You sat down beside him in defeat. He was too weak, at this moment, to help you with the bars anyway. Moreover, how were you going to get past security looking the way you did? It was useless. Dino would have to go back to captivity, and you’d be found out for trying to help him escape.

“I thought you were selling me out before…” You heard Dino whisper from beside you.

“I’m not evil,” you replied and scoffed at the thought. “But I don’t think it mattered anyway.”

Dino fell silent, and you almost thought he had gone unconscious again until he moved. It was a slow movement toward the wall, right by the edge of one of the machines where the bags of laundry were lying. You got up and crawled up next to him. He was fidgeting with wires.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to electrocute myself,” he said as if it were obvious.

You quickly pulled his hand away from the wires by his wrist. He glared at you and strained against your grip.

“Do you have some sort of death wish? You can’t escape so now you have to kill yourself?”

“I won’t die.” He sighed and shuffled closer to the wires. “I’ll get a jolt of energy. I’ve done it before, during concerts… not with a washing machine, of course, but it’ll do.”

“These aren’t grounded, you know? You’ll get full voltage,” you argued.

“You’re forgetting I’m not human.”

His words, and your desperation, made you let go of him. However, you couldn’t watch while he actively tried to hurt himself, so you turned away from him. Your eyes fell on a pile of clothes. Guard uniforms. While Dino kept trying to electrocute himself, you gathered clothing articles that you thought might fit you and the automaton - putting your new clothes on once you had found everything you needed. The uniforms were gray, and in the same style as other guard uniforms from other facilities - meaning that you could sneak around the city and be seen as two guards going home from work.

A loud snapping sound, followed by a shriek, woke you up from your thoughts. You turned to see Dino standing up - seemingly fine, but with a burn mark reaching from his pointer finger, up his arm.

“What do you need me to do?” he piped.

You couldn’t find any words, deciding to just hand him his clothes instead. Dino pulled the overalls on without any problems, although you noticed that he favored using the hand without the burn mark. When he had zipped himself up and put on his cap, he turned to you for further instructions.

“We don’t have all day,” he said when you didn’t answer.

“... are you alright?”

“Don’t worry about it. This energy won’t last for that long, so if you want to make it count you’ll tell me what you need done.”

The cold air hit your lungs as you were gasping for air after falling out of the window. Your escape wasn’t graceful by any means, but you had made it to the other side of the wall. Dino, who had just climbed out right after you, helped you back on your feet. The two of you made haste across the yard, to the gate. The other guards must have been kept busy because there was no one around to check your IDs. But once you had made it past the gate, you still couldn’t relax. There was always a chance of someone recognizing you. So you went to the only place you could consider a safe haven.

+:★:+

Your apartment was small and cramped with books and other things you had collected over the years, but it was a good enough hideout. It was on the outskirts of the city and was hidden between two tall buildings. Dino crashed as soon as he got through the door. His energy had started fading after walking for a while, but he had tried his best to work through the pain - you could tell from the way he would grip your shoulder for balance now and then. You hooked your arms under his armpits and tried to pull him towards your bed, but you only managed to get him halfway through the room. The once cramped and tiny apartment had turned into a grand hall, the bed seeming further away than it was. With a sigh of defeat, you let him stay on the floor and brought the pillows and blankets to him. After making sure he was as comfortable as possible, you went over to your kitchenette and wet a towel to clean up his hand. You hadn’t gotten a good look at his hand yet, he had kept it in his pocket this entire time, and you began feeling nervous at the thought of what gore you might find. But when you pulled up the sleeve of his jacket, you saw that his synthetic skin had mostly healed. His fingertips were charred, but using the wet towel got some of the soot off. The areas that hadn’t healed had a purple hue, looking sort of like a bruise. While you kept cleaning up his hand and arm, Dino started gaining consciousness again and began mumbling something incoherent.

“Don’t talk,” you said.

“... charge,” he muttered.

As it processed in your brain what he needed, you stood up and rummaged through your things. In the company facility, the idols’ beds were created to also function as chargers. An automaton has to recharge, but these contraptions were unlike anything you had seen. Lower-level automata have other devices, some of which you had collected after your many years of working with them. You found a gadget that looked like a blood pressure monitor, with an arm-cuff made of metal. The cuff opened easily, only being held together by a magnet. You clasped it around his arm and turned on the device, a small blue light showing up on the monitor. Dino let out a breath of relief.

“Are you alright?” you asked, but never got a response.

The light from the ceiling lamp flickered and you looked around yourself. The apartment was dusty since you had been living at the company facility during your research. Everything was as you had left it. It only made Dino stick out more. This stranger didn’t fit in your usual routine. You hadn’t spent much time just looking at him before. Now that there was nothing else to distract you, you spent time studying his features. He was beautiful, but you knew that. Each of his features fit together harmoniously - his soft and rounded eyebrows, his pouty lips with the soft cupid's bow, it all contrasted so heavily with his strong gaze. After sitting still for so long, just looking at him, you finally started relaxing. Your shoulders slumped and you rubbed your eyes gently. Your bones felt heavy; you couldn’t control your body anymore, letting exhaustion take over and laying your head on his chest. Dino was mostly covered by a blanket but you could still feel his body warmth. It soothed you and you fell asleep almost immediately.

You woke up with a stiff neck that morning. Dino still wasn’t moving, but the light on your device indicated that he was still charging. He looked peaceful and relaxed, the kind of expression you’d only see on him if he was with his teammates. Getting up from your place on the floor, you moved over to your kitchenette. There were still a few edible items in your cupboard, mostly dried fruits. After making sure your stomach wasn’t empty, you returned to helping Dino. The skin on his hand still looked mostly healed, so you spent your time making him comfortable - moving the pillow under his head and tucking him in better. As you were moving your hand away from his chest, you remembered the device between his collarbones. You went to look at it, pulling down the collar of his shirt. There were a few pieces of the device missing but most of it was still intact, just cracked. When you went to touch it, Dino’s hand grabbed your wrist. You hadn’t noticed that he had opened his eyes, but he was looking right at you.

“Don’t touch it,” he said.

He only let go of you when he felt you retract your hand. You wanted to apologize but kept your mouth shut. There were no words that your brain could voice. Your shoulders slumped and you put your head in your hands. Everything began crashing down around you - everything that you had built for yourself was about to be ruined. What were you doing?

“I’ll get out of here once I’ve fully recovered,” Dino said, as if he could read your mind, “You can tell people that I forced you to help me or something, you don’t have to go down with me.”

He was offering you a way out. You looked up from behind your hands. Dino’s eyes were closed again. Even if you told people that you were forced to help him, you wouldn’t go without punishment. You could contact the people you knew in Phylaca, and maybe warn them that you needed their help beforehand. Letting him leave on his own would mean that you could start to make your life normal again.

“You can stay with me if you want.” You hear yourself speak, but you can’t process your action or its meaning.

Dino stayed quiet, and it made you restless. Standing up, you walked over to one of your bookshelves - pulling out a few books and putting them on the floor. Each of the books was covered in a layer of dust but otherwise, there were no markings of age on the covers. The shiny books created a wall in front of a small hatch in the wall. When you pulled on the wall opened sideways, revealing a small room filled with more books. These books were worn, tucked close together to fit as many as possible but still leave room for a crawlspace.

“What’s that?”

Dino had sat up, the secret room catching his attention. He stood up and walked over next to you, letting his charger hang by his side.

“It’s my real library,” you said and turned to him, “This is where I keep the important stuff. I know you had questions that you couldn’t ask back there… but you can now. You can stay and we can find- I can help you find your answer.”

He stayed quiet for a while, looking up at the ceiling light.

“My answer,” he repeated to himself.

+:★:+

Dino spent most of the time resting. When he wasn’t resting, he would walk around as much as he could in your small apartment. You didn’t speak much to each other, but you caught him looking over at the hatch in the wall frequently. Now that you didn’t have a script to follow, you had no idea how to talk to the automaton. All you could do was read, sleep, and run short errands. It was when you got back from one of those errands, grocery shopping, that you found him in front of the hatch. He was trying to get it open.

“Do you want to read something?” you asked.

He looked like a deer in headlights when he realized you were there. Backing up from the wall, he muttered a short apology. You walked over to the hatch and pulled it open, crawling into the small space.

“What do you want to read?”

“Anything.”

You smiled at his eagerness and picked out a few books. When jumping out of the crawlspace, you hadn’t expected to end up so close to him. You played it off by pushing the books into his chest and quickly backing away - trying your best to hide your sudden fluster. Spending so much time with Dino in an enclosed space had made you very aware of his looks. His broad shoulders contrasted with the soft curve of his waist, and his delicate yet sharp facial structure - his entire being was so easy to be enthralled by.

“Take these. I can help you with anything you don’t understand.” You turned around and closed the secret door.

When you turned back to Dino he was still just standing there, watching you. It looked like he wanted to say something but was unsure of how to express it. You approached him, picking up one of the books, and opening it.

“These are from my parents,” you explained, “I have more but not here… and this one is about the meaning of life- maybe we should start with something a little more lighthearted.”

You picked up the book under that one. Aesthetics.

“Let’s start with this one, I think you’ll like it.”

The two of you settled down on your bed next to one another. Dino seemed more relieved now that the book was in your hands, so you started reading to him.

Every time you read to him, he would put his head on your shoulder - trying to follow along in the text. From time to time, he’d ask questions and you’d do your best to answer. You’d read together at least once a day. Until those readings turned into lectures. It was fun being back in your academic element, but it surprised you just how clueless this all-knowing automaton was. The automata were supposed to know everything, yet he seemed surprised by everything that you told him about Earth as it was before - the questions that used to irk the philosophers of that time, he had never heard of.

The first time you were almost caught was when you were at home, where you were supposed to feel safe. You didn’t think much of it when you got a call from your former boss. A few days ago you had sent in your resignation, with the reason for your departure being the traumatic event of the escape. You assumed he wanted to talk about your time at the facility, and maybe if you could know where Dino might be - questions which you had already thought of answers to. But after exchanging pleasantries came an announcement which you were far from ready for.

“I know that you sent in your resignation, so I’m sending someone over to collect any data that you may have. D1N0 and some of the others have still not been found, so we’re hoping that your research might help us.”

“Someone’s coming here?” You looked over at Dino, who was staring at you wide-eyed.

“Yes, in just a few minutes. We don’t want to intrude, but we need whatever data you might have brought with you.”

“Sir, I didn’t take anything home with me-”

“We’d still like to… check.”

The CEO’s change of tone made you put two and two together. They were going to check if Dino was with you or not.

“Of course, sir. Whatever you need.”

He hung up and you immediately started panicking. Without saying a word, you started putting away any illegal books and the uniforms you had stolen into the crawl space. “What are you doing? What did he say?” Dino asked, referring to the CEO.

“You need to get the fuck in there,” you hissed out, “Someone’s coming over here, I don’t know when-”

There was a frisk knock at the door. Your body froze and your eyes widened. It was as if every moment of your life flashed before your eyes. It was only the second knock at the door that startled you awake.

“Get in,” you whispered to him.

Dino crawled in and sat down as comfortably as he could, and you closed the door behind him. Any trace of your illegal activities was hidden away safely, and you did your best to cover the wall as naturally as you could. There was another knock on the door.

“I’m coming, just-... Hold on!”

The “inspection” of your things went by quickly. You hadn’t lied when you said that you didn’t bring anything from the facility - if you didn’t count those uniforms and an entire fucking automaton. So the worker never found anything, even though they ruined your place. When they left, you made your way over to the secret door again.

“Get your things, we’re leaving,” you said as you opened the door to the crawl space.

“What?”

“We’re leaving, we have to move now!” You ushered Dino to get out.

While Dino was gathering a few things - a charger, a few clothes, and a backpack to carry it all in. After grabbing a few necessities, the two of you were out the door. Dino hid under a large hoodie and a cap, and you decided to do the same. Adrenaline was pumping through your chest as you ran down the stairs, almost forgetting to lock your apartment door behind you.

+:★:+

You and Dino traveled incognito. The underground metro system helped you stay in the shadows and avoid the amount of guards you’d usually see above ground. However, you knew you were never really safe. Not until you reach your destination. It took half a day’s train ride, and the other half walking off the road to reach where you needed to be. Dino didn’t say much. He was way too busy just looking at everything - it was clear that he had never been in nature before. While it was rare to see large fields and thick woods completely undisturbed on Earth, there were a few spots just like this. The big field you had to cross to get to the woods was usually a walk you dreaded, but with Dino with you, it felt more like a pleasant promenade. He was almost skipping through the grass, happily touching everything he could, and even picking a few flowers here and there. There weren’t many, seeing as it was so cold outside, so his bouquet was mostly weeds. But it made him happy.

Before you reached the woods you stopped to remove the last few pieces of Dino’s tracker - which was rather unprofessionally done with a pair of old tweezers that you found in the bottom of your back. The device was attached to him with strings that looked like nerve endings. Even though you thought the painful thing was long over, Dino had to bite a piece of fabric to keep him from ruining his teeth. No matter how careful you were, you couldn’t stop his pain. You buried the pieces in the ground once it was over, hoping that no one would come across the remains. After covering up the wound, Dino stood back up and took a deep breath.

“This is like a new beginning, isn’t it?” he mumbled.

“If that’s what you want.” You patted the ground where you had buried the pieces.

“It is,” he said.

You looked up at him and smiled. He was fidgeting with the flowers that he had just picked. A cold breeze blew past the two of you. After you had gotten back up, Dino crouched down and put the flowers over the patch of dirt. When he got back up, there was something in his eyes that you couldn’t understand - a sort of acceptance mixed with sorrow. He was leaving his entire life behind, the only family he had ever known.

“We could try finding them again,” you whispered.

“I know I’ll see them again. Someday.” Dino looked over the field he had just walked across. “But I’m ready to live now.”

“Let’s go.” You reached out your hand for him to hold.

The forest was dense, with tower-like trees growing where they pleased - creating a natural labyrinth that was easy to get lost in. Unless you knew the woods. You held Dino’s hand as you walked over roots and rocks, avoiding anything that might leave you lying face-first on the ground. Even though most of the leaves were gone, it was hard to see the sky through all the trees. So you kept your eyes focused on your goal, and all of the walking became worth it when you reached the small cottage. A small stone building with overgrown ivy all over the walls - it looked like it was falling apart, but you still felt relief at the sight.

“It’ll need some work done,” you said, “But it’s better than getting captured and being sent to Phylaca.”

Saying the name of the planet sent a chill down your spine - as if you put a curse upon yourself by uttering the word. Phylaca was an unofficial death sentence. You had done research there before, and even then you could feel your energy being drained by the place - your only light at the end of the tunnel was the people you worked with.

“It’s pretty,” Dino hummed, bringing you back to reality.

You walked over to the small pot in front of the door and looked under it. The key was still there. It was difficult to get the key in the lock, and you had to jiggle the handle around to get the door to even move. When you opened the door, the smell of mold and dust hit you. The cabin was small and the wooden floors were creaky - just as you had remembered it. Walking into the small entry hall, you were hit with a wave of nostalgia. You remembered running across the floor, slipping around as your father chased you - laughing loudly and not being scared that someone would hear. After taking off your shoes you walked into the living room. Everything was covered in white sheets, which you were quick to start ripping down. Moth-eaten blankets were laid on the backs of armchairs, waiting for you to wrap them around your shoulders when the cold would start creeping in through the walls. Nothing compared to the feeling you got sitting on the couch with your parents as a kid, watching the flames dance in the fireplace while you huddled together under these blankets. You kept walking through the cabin, getting to the small kitchen. There you put your backpack, right by the pantry so that you’d remember to unload the food you had brought. In that kitchen, there had been loud music playing, and your parents forgot whatever they were cooking to dance together. Love was the main ingredient of every dish you ate in this place. Dino put his bag down next to yours, clearly confused about his place in this house. He didn’t fit in all of these memories, but you’d make sure to find room for him.

“We should take a look at what our bedroom situation is,” you said, “I don’t think either of us will fit in my old bed, but we can make do. Then I can show you my parents’ library.”

“... did you spend a lot of time here?” he asked.

His question brought back even more memories, those that you had pushed to the back of your mind. You motioned for him to follow you over to the dinner table. The wood of the chairs creaked under your weight, screeching in surprise after years of not being in use. You felt the cold tabletop under your palms, following the small cracks on its surface with your fingertips.

“We used to come here every summer,” you explained, “Then… things happened, and we spent a few years here together. Me and my parents. It was only when I got to a certain age that we moved- I can’t remember their reasoning, but they thought it was for the best that we left.”

Dino looked around, taking in his surroundings. He was quiet - maybe he was unsure of what to say, or he didn’t find it necessary to reply. You watched him explore your childhood home from his place on an old stool.

“They left most of their belongings here,” you continued, “I think they knew that they wouldn’t need them once they left.”

“What happened to them?”

“... I’m not sure.” You thought about it for a while, tracing back your steps from the moment you knew that you had lost them. “I was old enough to take care of myself at that point. I was living on my own, studying. At a certain point, I just stopped hearing from them. Their apartment was no longer theirs, someone else had moved in there. They were erased. Forgotten.”

The warmth of Dino’s hand was comforting on top of your hand. He wasn’t good with words, and you knew that. However, he could still comfort you. You knew that he was there for you - he was the only one there for you right now. He smiled at you, and you returned the gesture before standing up.

“That’s enough about me.” You walked around the table. “Let’s go find some somewhat whole bedsheets.”

+:★:+

Time passed quickly as you cleaned the cabin. The sun had already started setting when you got there, so it was pitch black outside by the time you had fixed the place up. There was still much to be done, but you had time for that later. Both of you were tired and ready for sleep. The day had been chilly, and it only got worse as the sun went down. You had lit candles to see where you were going, but they didn’t make you any warmer. Chills like electric shocks attacked you when you laid down in bed, even though you were wearing thick layers. All you could do was shudder and wait for the warmth to come. Dino got in next to you, although reluctantly. Your old bed was made for a child, and could probably fit one person - if that person wanted to risk falling through the bedframe in the middle of the night. The wood was old and worn out. This was your only option. It was annoying at first, but you were thankful for it as soon as you realized how warm Dino was.

“Are you not cold?” you asked him in a whisper.

“Not really,” he answered in the same hushed tone, “Are you cold?”

You nodded, scared that your teeth would chatter if you tried to talk. While you couldn’t see his face in the dark, you could tell that Dino was going over something in his thoughts. A few seconds later, he opened his arms for you. Without question, you crawled into his arms. He was warm, making you melt into him.

“Why are you so warm?” you mumbled against his shirt.

Dino didn’t answer, but you weren’t looking for an answer anyway. Your arms wrapped around his frame, pulling him even closer like he was a big teddy bear.

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

That night, Dino didn’t sleep. Truthfully, he didn’t need to - he just had to charge. But you had offered him a place to lay down anyway, which he was thankful for. And he tried to close his eyes and float away into unconsciousness, but he couldn’t. Usually, he would have no trouble drifting off to a sleep-like state while charging, but he couldn’t when you were so close. He could tell when you had fallen asleep, your body going completely limp in his arms. Although it felt weird, he rubbed soft circles on your back with his palm. When he closed his eyes, it felt like everything else was gone. It was just you and him amid nothing. No time, no space, just you in his arms. He liked that feeling - too much, he thought. It was the first time he had ever experienced this kind of contact. And although the position he was in was uncomfortable, he didn’t dare move. He listened to your soft breaths, he could feel the air against his neck. From time to time you would move in your sleep; moving your head ever so slightly, putting one of your legs on top of his, and trying to hold him even tighter. Dino had felt special before. Special in the sense that millions of people wanted to watch him perform on a stage. Seeing them sing, or even dance, along to the music always made him feel special. This was just a different kind of special, it was personal. Happy couldn’t begin to describe his state of mind. He was free.

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

That morning you woke up in almost the exact position that you had fallen asleep in. Dino’s eyes were still closed so you tried to move away carefully to not wake him, but his hands gripped your shirt tightly.

“Are you awake?” you whispered.

Dino’s eyes flew open as he realized that you hadn’t just been moving in your sleep again. His grip on your shirt loosened, but you didn’t leave just yet.

“Good morning.” You shuffled around a bit to get more comfortable.

“Good morning,” Dino mumbled back.

He looked anywhere but into your eyes. Seeing him so nervous, and even embarrassed, almost made you laugh - but you held it in for his sake. You put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, finally getting him to look you in the eye.

“Is the charger still working?” you asked.

“Yes, it’s working fine,” he answered rather formally.

“That’s good.” You nodded and sat up. “We should start up our cleaning project again, there’s lots to get done. Then, if we have time, we’ll find something to read together. Maybe something fictional this time? I think we’ve earned it.”

The two of you got to work right after you had something to eat. You dusted off everything, cleaned the floors, and moved things around to your liking. This wasn’t your dream home, far from it. It didn’t even have running water or electricity - you had to get water from the nearby river and light candles as soon as it got dark. But once you had finished cleaning, and everything was to your liking, you started seeing a new home in this cabin.

As promised, the two of you sat down to read at the end of your day. You were sitting on the couch, using the last bit of sun shining through the window as your lamp, with the book right between you. Instead of you reading out loud, the two of you were reading silently together. Whenever Dino had finished a page he would nod, signaling that it was okay for you to turn the page. You were at a part of the book where a couple is looking at their newborn child, trying to figure out a name for the baby. Dino had been looking at the same paragraph for a long time, not letting you turn the page.

“Is everything okay?” you whispered so as not to startle him.

“... do you think I can have a different name?” he asked.

You shifted in your seat, turning to face him. His eyes stayed on the same paragraph. Although your biggest light source would shortly disappear behind the horizon, you took your time to think about what he said. The importance of a name; it’s a form of identity, after all. If the only name Dino has ever known was given to him by those who made him miserable, a part of him must still feel that way. The way that his eyebrows were knitted close together as he read the same sentence over and over again made you think that must be the case.

“Have you been thinking of new names that you’d like to try?” you asked.

He turned a few pages in the book, looking at what the two of you had just read. When he found what he had been looking for, he pointed his finger right under the small text. Chan.

“Would this suit me?”

“I think it fits you perfectly, Chan.”

His face lit up when he looked back at you. You hadn’t seen him smile like this before. It was a beautiful sight.

“I like the way you say that,” he said, “Chan.” He tried out the feeling of the new name in his mouth and seemingly decided that he liked it.

A smile was practically forced upon your lips as he repeated his new name over and over again, trying to find every way he could pronounce it. He laughed, realizing the absurdity of what he was doing.

“You have to say it again, I think I’ve forgotten what it’s supposed to sound like,” he said.

“Chan.”

+:★:+

Days passed and everything was perfectly still in the cabin. You and Chan would go on walks together in the forest, read as much as the sun allowed you - and try to keep going with the light of a flickering candle once it got dark. Whenever you were low on food, or when Chan needed a new charger, you had to walk to the nearest market. It was half a day’s work, but it was worth it.

Every night you would sleep close to Chan, stealing his body warmth to protect yourself from the cold darkness until morning came. At first, you apologized for it. But when you did Chan would only hold you closer.

You started making new memories in the cabin. Certain traditions were kept. Like when you finally managed to find the old record player, you made sure that you and Chan would spend as much time as possible dancing in the kitchen together - something that he seemed to enjoy as well.

“You need to keep your hand here.” You took his hand and put it on your waist. “And I’ll have my hand on your shoulder- you’re a dancer, you should know this.”

“I never had to do ‘couple dances’-” He cut himself off with a laugh. “I’m definitely going to step on your feet.”

The kitchen was full of lit candles, your old record player doing its best to play the unknown tracks, and you were in the middle of it all. You didn’t know the song, but that wouldn’t stop you from dancing. Laughter filled the room as the two of you swayed around slightly off-beat. Chan was looking down at his feet the entire time, trying very hard not to step on your toes. You were too busy looking at him, studying the small lines on his face that came from his smile. His hand was gripping yours tightly, and he tried his best to keep his other hand on your waist while still leaving a respectable amount of space between you.

“Am I doing it right?” he asked.

“Here, let me help…”

You moved a little closer to him, getting a better grip on his shoulder, and your feet slotted perfectly between one another. Chan’s breath hitched in his throat when you put your head on his chest. But when he released the tension in his muscles, he rested his cheek against your temple. The two of you barely moved, except for your subtle swaying, but it was more than you could ask for.

“So this is how it’s supposed to be?” he asked again.

“Probably not,” you hummed.

“It feels right.”

“That’s all that matters.”

The two of you stayed there, forgetting about the dinner that you were supposed to make for yourself. And even though you went to sleep a little later than usual, it didn’t matter. It just meant that you could sleep in a little longer.

+:★:+

New traditions were also created. Every time you would read together, it was the person who hadn’t picked the book the previous time that got to choose your reading material. Even if that meant that either of you could be forced to read something that you didn’t feel like reading at that time. Neither of you ever thought about just reading your separate books. It didn’t feel right.

One night, after reading something particularly heavy, you noticed the thoughtful look in Chan’s eyes that he usually got whenever something was bothering him. He invited you to lay down next to him in bed, as he always did, and you accepted, as you always did. The candles were blown out, everything was pitch black. Your head was tucked into the crook of Chan’s neck, as his chin rested on the top of your head. Everything was quiet, but you knew that he wanted to get something off his chest.

“We don’t talk about what we think of the things we read about,” he said.

“No, you’re right,” you admitted. “Is there something specific you want to talk about?”

His fingers started to mindlessly rub small patterns on your back, and you tried to picture what he was drawing. Closing your eyes, you tried to imagine that his fingers were pencils and that your back was a canvas. The forms you could see in your head were mostly shapeless - things that didn’t look like anything. Yet they brought you a lot of emotion; the main one being peace.

“Mostly just- and maybe this isn’t about anything specific we’ve read about,” he explained. “But, are you content? Being here, I mean. Are you happy?”

“Yes,” you answered without question.

“How do you know?”

“It’s not something that you know.” Your hands had started mirroring his, drawing circles on his back. “You feel it. Everything is calm, there’s nothing to worry about. There’s no need to think about the future or the past - they exist, and you can acknowledge that, but they don’t matter to you right now.”

“... all I’ve ever done is dread the future.” Chan’s voice was quiet, he reminded you of a helpless animal hiding from their predator.

“And now?”

“I still think about it… what might happen,” he admitted, “But maybe not as much? And maybe a bit happier. Whenever I think about it, it’s in a nice way... I’m worried too, but I think that’s out of habit.”

The wind howled outside the window, and you could hear the house creak in the direction it was blowing. You hugged Chan a little tighter as if it would remind him to stay there with you and not drift away in thought. It was safer under the covers than it was in his mind, and you wanted so badly to protect him from it.

“We should read something happier tomorrow,” you whispered.

The sad and worrying moments were transient and overshadowed by the happy and exciting ones. Every bad thing was an opportunity to make something good. You didn’t have running water in the house, which meant that there was no way for you to shower. There was a river outside, but it was too cold outside to swim - is what the average person would think. Instead, you made a fire in the fireplace and one person watched while the other went out to their ice bath. Once that person was clean, you would switch. This ended with both of you on the floor, wrapped up in towels and blankets in front of the fireplace. At first, it felt exposed, but after living with Chan for a while it only felt natural. You’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t taken a peek at the automaton’s physique when he was outside taking off his shirt, but when you were cuddled close together it was different. It was a vulnerable moment between two individuals, and the number of clothes you had on didn’t matter - you could let yourselves exist around one another.

“Did you put on more firewood after I had gone out?” Chan mumbled.

“Of course.” You turned and looked over at him. “What? Don’t you trust that I’d do my job?”

Chan turned to you, a soft but otherwise unreadable expression on his face. You glanced at his lips, only for a second, to see his gentle smile. His hair was still wet, hanging over his eyes in strands - making you want to reach up and push it back.

“I trust you.” He was so quiet that, if it hadn’t been for the fact that he was so close, you could barely hear him over the crackling fire.

You leaned a little closer to him, your bare shoulder touching his, and you could feel his breath against your lips. When he moved his head your eyes fluttered shut, but you never felt his lips. He only leaned his forehead against yours, making you open your eyes again.

“I trust you too,” you hummed.

His smile widened and his body relaxed, resulting in him leaning back again. Your shoulders were no longer touching, and the spot where his skin had touched yours now felt freezing cold. There was not a single thought in your head. Chan had stolen all of your words. You leaned a bit further towards him, pressing your lips on his cheek.

“What was that?” Chan let out a soft laugh.

“A kiss,” you said.

“I know, but why?” He looked at you incredulously.

“I wanted to kiss you.”

Chan paused for a moment. Carefully thinking over your words before he moved to put his hand on the back of your head. He pressed a kiss on your forehead - smiling proudly afterward as if he had figured out something new he was allowed to do.

+:★:+

The weeks you spent with Chan were the best you had experienced in a while. Whatever the two of you were doing together, you did it with smiles on your faces. It made you realize how deeply you felt for him. He was a bright light in your otherwise dark world- more than that. Past horrible experiences were like dust in the wind to you now - there was no reason to dwell on them when you were with Chan. Maybe it was the ignorance that came with that feeling that made you so confident.

“Do you remember when I first showed you my secret library back at the apartment?” you asked, and Chan mumbled out a yes. “Well, I think that book that I showed you then - the one that was a little too heavy for a first topic - would help you figure some things out… you know, about what you said the other night.”

“... are you saying we should go back there?”

“Well, no… and yes.” You sighed. “By now they should’ve stopped looking there, right? And we could go there, get the book, and maybe get all of the used chargers back to full battery. We can’t keep buying new ones all the time.”

“... alright. I trust you.”

+:★:+

The two of you ended up going. It was the same road that you took on your way to the cabin, but on your way back it felt as if time moved faster. Neither of you spoke much, but Chan never let go of your hand. When walking through the city, he would squeeze your hand from time to time - an involuntary reaction to any noise that startled him. You kept your brave face on for him, but you were terrified too. Maybe not in the same way that Chan was but terrified.

The apartment building looked the same, reminding you that it hadn’t been that long. It felt like it had been - it felt like you had spent years with Chan in the cabin. The familiarity of it all made you question if this was a good idea at all. You should’ve spent more time in the cabin before returning, but it was way too late to turn back. It would only be a quick trip anyway.

Inside your apartment also looked the same. It didn’t seem like anyone had been in there, and if they had they made sure to clean up after them. You worked quickly, plugging all of the chargers you brought into outlets before you opened the door to the secret library. However, before you could find the book, you started hearing footsteps echo in the stairwell outside. There were many of them, and they were approaching fast. The cogs in your brain started spinning, and you almost immediately knew what you had to do.

Before Chan could process what was going on, you pushed him into the crawlspace and told him to keep quiet. You closed the door on him, leaving him in the dark. He could hear you shuffle around outside, putting back books onto the shelf and moving things around in the apartment. Chan was frozen in fear and shock, he didn’t know what to do. So when he heard someone barge in, and heard you struggle and shout, he didn’t do anything. He held his hand over his mouth to try to stop any sound that might force its way out. When it got quiet outside, he still sat there. Chan didn’t dare move.

For hours, he sat in the crawlspace - and only got out when he noticed that he needed to charge. Everything was a mess. A chair was knocked over, the table had been moved across the room, and most of the books were ripped off from the shelves. The books that weren’t on the floor fell when Chan pushed the door to the crawlspace open. The door was left open, and he went to push it close. The bed still looked the same, except for the pillows. One of them was left askew. After having watched you make the bed almost every morning, Chan instinctively knew that something was wrong. He didn’t have time to feel or react to what happened, he had to act. He walked over to the bed and yanked away the sheets and the pillows. There was a note:

Contact ‘H.J.’. Digits in the drawer.

The note was poorly written, but he could still read it. It was a dicey move of you, but he was thankful for it. Chan’s thumb grazed the ink lightly, thoughts of your capture flooding his mind - but he had to shake them off. Putting down the small notebook, he began looking for another note. He started with the bedside table, but couldn’t find anything. Chan turned the entire place upside down trying to find a note in one of the drawers - only growing more and more impatient. At some point, he sat down in defeat - putting his head in his hands. He was right where he had started, by the bed. Looking up at that first drawer, he could see something sticking out under the opened drawer. Slowly, he reached out for it. It was a note- no, a list. There were two columns on the paper, one with one or two letters and the other with numbers. Chan’s eyes scanned the note for “H.J.”, and he almost began crying when he finally saw it. As soon as he found your phone, he dialed the number. Chan hadn’t used a phone like this before, but he figured it out rather quickly. It only took a few rings before someone picked up.

“Wow. I haven’t heard from you in a while.” The person said as they picked up.

“Hello?” Chan’s voice was shaky.

“... who is this?”

“I…” He took a deep breath. “I’m looking for Y/N, have you seen them?”

Chan knew the answer but couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Uhm… no. Listen, if you don’t tell me who you are then I can’t answer any more questions.” The man sounded suspicious.

“I’m… you don’t know me, okay? I’m Chan, I know Y/N,” he explained, “I’m looking for them, I think they’re being sent to you- they left a note, I don’t know-”

“They’re what now?”

“We were in their apartment- shit happened, okay? I don’t have time for this. I need to know where they are. They left me a note with your number, can you help me?”

The line went quiet. Chan almost thought that the stranger had hung up until he started speaking again.

“If Y/N’s getting sent to me, it’s bad. What have they done? Why would they get sent to Phylaca?”

“Phylaca?” Chan swore under his breath, trying his best to keep his emotions under control.

“Listen to me, man, I need you to focus. I’m going to get you here but you have to follow my every step.”

Chan found out that the man’s name was Hongjoong - an old acquaintance of yours. He was a guard at Phylaca, working undercover to help those who wanted to desperately get off the planet. When Hongjoong found out that you were going to Phylaca, he immediately checked their databases to see if that was true. Once he had gotten confirmation, he told Chan what he needed to do.

When he had put on the stolen guard uniforms, finding them in the crawlspace where you had put them, he picked the notebook back up. Chan studied your handwriting, then put the small book in one of his pockets.

The next thing that Hongjoong had him do was more dangerous. Chan had to sneak onto an aircraft being sent to Phylaca, disguised as a worker. With Hongjoong’s many connections, he would luckily have help. Another guard named Jongho, who also worked undercover, would help him on board. Even though the steps seemed simple enough, it made Chan shake from nerves.

Chan met Jongho outside the boarding docks - a well-built, serious-looking, man. The stolen uniform fit well into the environment, but Jongho gave him a jacket to blend in even more. It was made out of a thick material, to survive the cold conditions while in space, and had the same gray color as the uniform. Its dull color fits in with the insipid interiors of the spacecraft. Jongho helped Chan get acquainted with the area, but other than that he didn’t say much. Once everything was settled, Chan was able to stay in his room for the entire journey. Jongho had helped him register as an automaton maintenance worker, meaning that he wouldn’t need to show himself in the cafeteria. At most, he needed to sweep the floors for a few hours a day. The time spent in his room was boring for the most part. Chan would spend most of those hours writing in the notebook. He kept your note from before; although it didn’t say much, your handwriting felt like a good reminder to him. Except for that first note, the rest of the small book was empty. On the blank pages, Chan would write his thoughts like letters to you. He would write about his feelings, memories from your time spent together, and what he hoped to do with you in the future - find a place of peace, something similar to that cabin in the forest, and spend your lives together. Writing was what kept him sane during the week that he traveled across space to Phylaca. That and thinking about what he would do when you were together again. The time spent apart was taking a toll on him, but the image of you never faded. He thought of the many nights he spent lying next to you, holding you as close as he possibly could. After the time he had kissed your forehead, he could only think about doing that again. The small act of affection was more than he had ever experienced before, and he hadn’t gotten to try it again - what if he didn’t do it right? However, the image of your euphoric smile calmed him from these thoughts.

+:★:+

Walking onto Phylaca was unlike anything Chan had experienced before. He felt physically heavier, a sudden weight being placed on his shoulders. There was no time to dwell on it. Jongho helped him find Hongjoong, who welcomed him with a sad smile.

“Where are they?” Was the first thing to fly out of Chan’s mouth.

“Keep quiet, will you?” Hongjoong looked around himself. “I’m going to lead you to their cell, Jongho will be covering your tracks, and then there will be a ship waiting for you at the docks. They’re not professionals, but they’ve agreed to help you in exchange for supplies - you’ll just have to trust that they’ll take care of you.”

“... that’s fine,” Chan said, although he was less than happy to possibly put you in danger right after managing to get you out of it.

“Alright, let’s go. We have to hurry, but make sure to keep a low profile.”

Sneaking through the corridors wasn’t difficult. There was barely anyone there. Clearly, Hongjoong knew something that Chan didn’t because he kept looking over his shoulder every other minute. Despite his obvious paranoia, Hongjoong did a good job at staying calm - he wasn’t letting his nerves get in the way of finding the quickest path to you. The sound of their footsteps echoed in the halls - combined with a dripping sound and distant screams, it felt deafening. The concrete walls towered over them but the corridors were thin, making a claustrophobic sensation settle in Chan’s stomach. Every turn they made felt fruitless, no matter how much they walked it didn’t feel like they went anywhere. Every inch of this place looked the same, and Chan wondered how he could have ever found his way to you if it hadn’t been for Hongjoong. So when they turned the final corner, finding your cell, Chan was unsure of what to do. He saw you sitting in the corner, your legs drawn up to your knees, and your eyes staring down at the ground. You were wearing the clothes you had on when he last saw you, now dirty and slightly torn.

“Y/N? He’s here,” Hongjoong said after waiting for Chan to speak up.

+:★:+

The moment you saw Chan again, you couldn’t believe your eyes. At first, you were just happy, then confused, and then even skeptical if he was truly in front of you or if it was a hallucination. But when you got to wrap your arms around him, feel his strong arms hug you tightly, you were just relieved. He was there with you.

“Did you miss me?” Chan’s voice was shaky and muffled against your neck.

“You have no idea.” You let go of him to look over at Hongjoong. “Thank you.”

“He did most of the work, I’m just the messenger,” he said, “Listen, I’m sorry to break up your reunion- but you have to leave. Chan, you know the way back to the docks. Just keep to that path. I can’t keep the guards away from here for that long, but I’ll buy you as much time as possible. There’s an aircraft at the dock, you’ll recognize them immediately- it’s the only ship that doesn’t belong to the Phylaca facilities.”

You and Chan nodded in response. Chan let go of you and shrugged off his jacket, wrapping it around you and helping you put it on properly. The jacket was warm and smelled like him, reminding you of the time you spent in bed together at the cabin. After Chan made sure that you were comfortable enough, you left Hongjoong behind.

Chan’s hand gripped yours tightly as he led you through the corridors. The two of you hadn’t gotten to talk at all, and you were itching to say something. Looking at Chan, you realized that there was only one thing you wanted to say.

“Chan?” Your voice was weak, but it caught his attention nevertheless. “I love you.”

His steps stuttered, but he refused to stop moving. Time was running out, and he had to get you to safety. He squeezed your hand reassuringly and gave you a bittersweet smile.

“I love you too,” he whispered.

Commotion echoed from where you had just been, and you took a quick guess that it was the guard finding your cell empty. Chan’s hand gripped yours even tighter as he started running down the halls. You had already gotten pretty far, but you knew that the guards could close in within seconds if you didn’t hurry.

+:★:+

The two of you ran as fast as you could until you came to the docks. Just as Hongjoong had said, the aircraft stood out like a sore thumb. The sound of the guards had gotten closer, but you were so close to safety that you couldn’t help but smile. With the last of your power, you ran as fast as you could. But the loss of Chan’s hand made you stop dead in your tracks. You turned around to look at him. There weren’t any guards behind him just yet, but you could hear them closing in.

“What are you doing?” you shouted, “Come on! Let’s go!”

“I need to stay,” he whispered with a sad smile.

“What?”

“They’ll just come after us if I come with you. It’s always been me that they want, Y/N.” He grabbed your arms. “You have to leave me behind, I don’t want to put you in more danger.”

“No- you’re acting crazy! I’m not doing that!” Tears began building in the corner of your eyes. “We’re going together- we can build our life together now!”

“Y/N, I love you. I want you to be safe.” One of his hands cupped your cheeks. “When I saw you again… everything started making sense again. You’re the only thing that makes sense to me - if I don’t protect you now, I’ll never forgive myself. So, let me do this for you, I beg of you. Let me make your life as happy as you have made mine.”

“I don’t want you to- I can’t be happy without you.”

“Sure you can.” He pulled the jacket he had given you a bit tighter around you, his hands staying at your collar - even with his adamant attitude, he also wished to go with you. “... It’ll be cold on the ship, make sure that you stay warm. I don’t want you to get sick.”

You could see the guards approaching in the distance. Chan smiled before he leaned in and pressed a kiss to your lips. Tears were falling down your cheeks, contrasting the fireworks that went off in the pit of your stomach. You knew he wasn’t going to give this up.

“I love you.” You mumbled before running toward the ship.

You could barely see what was in front of you, throwing yourself at what you thought looked like the entrance of the ship and crawling inside. Before the doors closed, you could hear Chan being knocked down on the ground - a sob escaping your lips at the sound. Voices from the cockpit were shouting, but you stayed still on the floor. The aircraft took off shortly after.

+:★:+

After that day, you barely moved and never spoke. Your “saviors” were a couple, a human, and an automaton that you recognized as 5.C0UP5 from the facility. He was also quiet, clearly upset at his partner for leaving Chan. Sometimes he’d bring you food, and give you a half-sympathetic smile. Most of the plates he gave you went untouched. You couldn’t bring yourself to eat, there was no energy in your body to lift the utensils to your mouth. All you did was think of Chan, just as you had during your imprisonment at Phylaca. But back then you had the hope that he’d come to rescue you. Now there was no motivation to keep going.

A few days passed. You’ve become restless, spending most of your time wandering the ship. Usually, there was nothing for you to see - so you would walk from window to window to look at what was around you. There was nothing most of the time. You didn’t even know where you were going, but you didn’t feel like talking to the couple and asking them to drop you off on the nearest planet. You couldn’t bring yourself to speak, you were too weak. Although you had managed to eat more, you were still the husk of the person you were a few weeks ago.

Your endless wandering had made you stumble upon the couple fighting. Their voices were muffled through the wall, but you knew it was something about Chan or the rest of the group. Pressing your ear to the wall, you tried hearing a few of their words. You didn’t know why, but you felt like you had to. You didn’t hear much, but the things you heard made your heart break for them.

“Do you blame me? Do you hate me?”

“... I can’t lose you too.”

“We should’ve tried saving Dino…”

They were bits and pieces of the actual conversation, but it was too much for you. You left without hearing if they made up.

During an especially hard night, you picked up the jacket that Chan had given you. It still smelled like him, but it was fading. You put it on and laid back down in your bed. It wasn’t the same, but it was similar enough to his arms wrapping around you. But as you turned to lay on your side, you felt something poking into your ribs. Shuffling around, you managed to reach your hand into a hidden pocket and pulled out a rectangular object. You turned on the lights and recognized it as your notebook. It was one of the notebooks that you waited for the “proper purpose” of before you could write in it. On the first page, you recognized it as your handwriting:

Contact ‘H.J.’. Digits in the drawer.

A small gasp escaped past your lips, as the memory of your kidnapping flooded back. You pushed those memories to the back of your mind and flipped the page with shaky hands. On the next page was handwriting that you didn’t recognize as your own:

Hi. I don’t know who I’m writing this to, maybe it’s just to myself. Either way, I can’t stand doing nothing on this ship. I’m mostly just laying in bed, charging whenever I need to. I thought I would write to pass the time… now that I’m doing it, it feels a little stupid. But I should write about what I think, and get my thoughts out of my head. Most of the time I think about Y/N. I’m worried for them, and I can’t help but feel that it’s my fault that they’re stuck in Phylaca. They would probably tell me that I shouldn’t blame myself, but how can I not? I never did anything to stop the guards who took them. I could have done something. Then again, I could have also just left instead of coming here. But I need to see them again. And apologize. I have to make it up to them. Chan.

You put your hand over your mouth, trying to silence your sobs. He had filled this entire book with notes, this was the only thing left of Chan once his scent on the jacket had completely faded. With teary eyes, you turned to the next page.

I feel bad for M1NGYU and 53UNGKWAN. I don’t know what happened to them, but leaving them behind wasn’t right. Of course, I’m happy that I went to Y/N, but I keep thinking about what would have happened if I had stayed with 53UNGKWAN. M1NGYU sacrificed himself for us after all. I don’t regret my choice, I got to live happily for a while, but what would have happened if I had helped 53UNGKWAN instead? Would I have been as happy as I was with Y/N? They’re like my brothers. We were family, we didn’t have anyone else. I think a lot about 5.C0UP5. The pressure he must have been under. Could I have done something to help? Why did he decide to run away at all? He wasn’t any different during the days before the escape. I hope he’s happy now, that’s what he deserves after the years of putting up with us. I wish I could tell him, and everyone, how much I care for them - maybe see them just one more time, and tell them my new name. I wonder if they think it fits me, or if they still prefer D1N0. Either way, it’s fine. I just want to see them again. Love, Chan

You smiled at the way he signed his name with extra care this time. After thinking over it, you decided to tear out the page and put it in the pocket of your jacket. This message should go to Cheol. He deserved the closure. Tearing out the page revealed the next paragraph.

It’s barely been a week since they disappeared, but I can’t stop thinking about Y/N. I can’t tell the difference between night and day, but whenever I lay down to charge I close my eyes and think of them. I think of the time we sat in front of the fire, and they kissed my cheek. Nothing can compare to the honor of receiving their affection. I hope to do it again soon. And if you’re for some reason reading this right now, Y/N, I want you to know that I love you and that I would do anything to protect you. I owe you my life, and I’ll give it to you with gratitude. Please, don’t ever forget it. Even if I’m not there to tell you every day. Love, Chan.

You took a shaky breath and closed the notebook. There was more to read, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. After putting the notebook back in your pocket, you laid back down and tried to calm your breathing. Even if it was only the trace of a plan, he had already started thinking of his sacrifice before he got to you. And it was all for nothing. If he had known Cheol was on the spacecraft, maybe he would have followed you. You couldn’t understand what he had been thinking. Why did he need to do this? He had written about M1NGYU sacrificing himself, was that the reason? Did he feel that he needed to make up for it somehow? You knew that dwelling on his thinking wouldn’t make it better, but you couldn’t help it.

“You should eat something,” Cheol told you.

This happened every day. Cheol sat with you, trying to get you to eat something for an hour or so until you finally gave in. You thought about giving him the note from Chan, but you never found the right moment. In the background, Cheol’s partner was looking around the spacecraft’s panel and you could tell that something exciting was happening.

“I don’t wanna get your hopes up, Cheol, but this planet looks so much like Earth…”

The announcement caught both your and Cheol’s attention, and the two of you made your way to the front of the ship. Clouds surrounded you and in the distance, you could see what looked like water and fields - it did look a lot like Earth. Cheol sat down in front of the steering wheel as he turned off autopilot. A child’s voice echoed over the intercoms.

“Hello? We’re outside of your airspace, our registration is BO883628K, and we are requesting permission to land!” Cheol’s partner answered.

There was another voice over the intercom, seemingly scolding the child before answering your plea. They welcomed you to Lumen. A place that you had only heard of in fairytales. A planet, much like Earth, living in complete harmony. A safe haven.

“There are bigger docks located northeast of your current location, go there to land safely,” the voice said.

You sat down in one of the seats, preparing yourself for landing.

+:★:+

The days after landing you spent exploring the town where you found yourself in. Now that everyone had calmed down and settled, you thought it would be the right moment to give Cheol the note. You walked into his room when you knew that he and his partner were away, and put the note on the bedside table. Although a part of you thought it was wrong, you couldn’t bring yourself to give it to him in person. You didn’t want to watch as he opened the letter. So you left it there, hoping that it could give him some kind of closure, before leaving.

You spent your time in Lumen in a small cabin in the forest, in an attempt to hold on to what you had with Chan. When you had time to heal, you were considering picking up teaching or doing something to give back to the people of Lumen. But for now, you stayed by yourself. On Phylaca, your only hope had been that Chan would come and save you. A part of you still hoped that he could find you, escape again, and come to you, but you knew it wasn’t possible. You thought a lot about if he had just known that Cheol was on the spacecraft too, maybe he would have come along. It wasn’t good to dwell on it, but you couldn’t help it. When the nights got lonely, your brain automatically started thinking about it. It made your chest feel hollow and your breathing quicken. During those nights you would wrap his jacket around you, or read his notes. Of course you were losing hope, but you would have to live without it. Day by day, just surviving.

*+:★:+━━━+:EXTRA :+━━━+:★:+*

The doors to D1N0’s room opened, and M1NGYU stepped inside. It was a completely white, empty room, just two chairs and a charger-bed. D1N0 was sitting on one of the chairs, and smiled at M1NGYU as he stepped inside.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi, Dino…” M1NGYU answered.

“Have a seat, I’m so happy to see you again.”

The diamond mark shone brightly on his clavicle, brighter than D1N0’s fake smile. His eyes were blank like he couldn’t think for himself. M1NGYU sat down in front of him.

“... is everything okay?”

“I’m feeling great. They have taken care of me so well here. I charge, practice, and exercise.”

“Dino… do you even remember what happened?”

“I remember what happened yesterday. I charged, practiced, and then exercised.” He sounded robotic.

“No… before that, don’t you remember?”

“Oh. Last week I charged, practiced-”

“Dino, no.” M1NGYU sighed. “The escape, do you remember the escape? I stayed behind-”

“That topic is not appropriate, M1NGYU,” D1N0 interrupted him.

M1NGYU paused to stare at his old band member. It was not the same person that he knew. He stood up and left the room, hearing D1N0’s robotic voice wish him goodbye. The doors closed behind him and let out a deep breath. After finding the nearest staff member, he insisted on speaking with a manager or someone in charge. This was not D1N0, they must have done something wrong… but they said everything was fine. With a crushed heart, M1NGYU went back to the rehab facility and D1N0 stayed in his jail cell disguised as a room.

#svt sci-fi collab #svthub #caratwritersclub #kvanity #seventeen #svt #dino #svt dino #dino angst #lee chan #lee chan x reader #lee chan imagines #angst #fluff #bee buzzed εїз✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

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