#Screw you guys I'm goin home

[lokilickedme]

ELDER SPEAKING AT FIL’S MEMORIAL SERVICE TODAY:  Bob was a good man, a righteous man who was loved by everyone who knew him -

ME, SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW THREE SEATS DOWN FROM MY MIL AND STARTING TO FEEL THE 10MG OF THC I INGESTED ON MY WAY TO THE SERVICE:  *snort*

.

LADY I DON’T KNOW WHO SHOOK MY HAND SYMPATHETICALLY AFTER AND TRIED TO HUG ME:  I’m so sorry for your terrible loss, Bob was so wonderful, you must miss him terribly

ME, SUCKING ON ANOTHER 10MG AND READY TO POP A THIRD WHILE LITTLE RUNS CIRCLES AROUND ME WHIPPING UP THE HEM OF MY DRESS:  Eh it’s cool, I can send my kids to their grandma’s now.  Thanks tho

.

MAN TALKING TO MIL AS EVERYONE IS LEAVING:  You’ll see him again very soon, you’ll be together in Paradise forever, we have God’s promise of the resurrection

ME, LEANING AGAINST THE BUILDING LIGHTING A BLUNT:  Yeah no

.

[pabtsblueliving]

Hot Summer Georgia Nights

Really wanted to write this from the poll ( it had the most votes ) even though i left voting up for a few hours LOLLL

Here’s how you and Daryl met :) Enjoy <3 xoxo

warnings: mention of abuse, cigarette smoking, and slightest mention of drugs/alcohol.

pabtsblueliving © 2023

Your sitting in the hot sun on the porch with Judith, sun beating down and the summer bugs chirping reminded you of those times that felt almost like yesterday.

You had known the Dixon brothers from the oldest boys endeavors; drugs, drinking, girls, and trucks. You never knew him well though, You had grown up a few homes down from them, and you were the same age as the youngest, Daryl. 

You were in a lot of the same classes as Daryl in high school. He was quiet, reserved, has a few friends but never made himself too known. You often took walks around your neighborhood when the heat was too much to bear in your home, often walking by the Dixon residence…sneaking a peak at Daryl, crouched down next to a motorcycle with a cut-off button up shirt.

Not to his knowledge, at least then, you had always had a thing for him. His eyes, his spikey unruly hair, his muscles, his voice. Everything, You’d just been afraid of rejection.

There was a particularly sticky day, and luckily there was a public pool open during the summer a few blocks away from your home. You and some friends had to head over to beat the heat.

You were perched on a towel, feeling parched. Your two girlfriends face down, attempting to gain a sunkissed tan while sitting by the side of the pool. 

“I'm gonna go grab a soda, you guys want?” You asked, putting your sunglasses on top of your head.

They both smiled and declined, thanking you. You adjusted your suit and made way to the snack bar. You were waiting in line when you saw him. Daryl. He was with his two other friends, heading your way. You looked over, then went back to paying for your soda.

You turned around to walk back to your friends when your and Daryls’ shoulders knocked together, your soda flying out of your hand. You sighed and knelt down and he turned around quickly. 

“Sorr’ bout’ that…” He spoke quietly, he scratched the back of his head.

“No…I…Didnt see where I was going.” You said, a rose color spreading across your cheeks.

He looked towards his friends, they shook their heads and had a questionable look. Daryl looked towards you as you picked up your cup.

“Le’ me just…get you nother’ one. I owe you…” He dug his hands into the pockets of his swim trunks, pulling out a few dollar bills.

“Wait, no its ok seriously…I didnt wan-” He cut you off, handing you a new soda. 

“I don’ mind” He gave you a small smile. You returned it.

“Thanks” You blinked and he continued on to his friends, and you did to yours.

A few hours later, you were on your porch, smoking a cigarette. You heard crashing and yelling a few houses down, you tried to look, but didnt feel like moving from your spot. 

“...Yeah, and screw you asshole!” You heard a familiar voice yell, and then a door slam. 

Your eyebrows furrowed, and you took another drag turning your head, then you saw him under the street lights,

He gruffed and rubbed his eyes, then feeling your presence. He turned to you and walked over,

“Hey, could’ I git on’ of those?” He mumbled

“Yeah, sure” You gave him a smile and met him at the broken gate of your front yard.

You handed it to him, and gave him a light.

“Wait…I kno’ you.” He looked at you.

“You made me drop my soda” You chuckled

He shook his head and sighed, “Damn, yeh. Sorry bout’ that…” He blushed a bit and took another drag.

“Do you…” You pointed to your porch, “wanna sit?” You asked, this was a long shot. 

He looked over to his house, then back to you, and looked down. He rocked on his feet. On the inside you screamed at him to say yes.

“Beats goin’ back there.” He mumbled. You smiled and opened the gate, letting him in. He sat on the steps.

You both sat, and smoked in silence before you spoke up.

“Ive seen you around, youre Merles brother right?” You asked

“Jesus, unfortunately…” He said, chucking his cigarette. “But uh…yeah, youre in my history class, I seen you too.” He said

“So you do recognize me…not just cause you spilled my soda…” You smirked a bit, and lit another cigarette, handing it to him.

“Yeah I guess, whatever.” He scoffed, and smiled a bit…

Present Day: Alexandria

“...Y/N…Y/N!” Daryl snapped his fingers.

You shook your head, “what?” you asked looking up at him, judith playing with a set of cars next to you.

“You here? You looked like you were on another planet.” He stated, taking a seat next to you.

“Yup, just…reminsiting.” You smiled, and Daryl gave you a sweet smile and gave you a kiss on the head.

“What? The heat reminding you of those hot summer georgia nights?” He raised an eyebrow. 

You looked at him, and gave him a kiss.

“Exactly.” You smiled.

[vintagestarlight]

Looks Like Snow

Summary: Soap shovels the drive way and you can't help but admire the view

Pairing: John Mactavish x gf!reader

Words: 749

Warnings: fluff, slight suggestive material

A/n: this is a short one! Just wanted to get out another soap fic before the holidays. As always please let me know what you think of it! I've got a few other WIPs I'm working on and going to try to have out before Christmas! Requests are also open for 141 guys so send in anything you want to see or just if you want to chat! Hope you all enjoy! :)

"Because of the accumulated snow, snow plows are unable to clear any roads or driveways and roads remain closed at this time. Citizens are encouraged to stay indoors due to slick and icy conditions" The weatherman continued to report on the snowy conditions. "I can't believe the snowplows are delayed again," you grumbled, changing the channel to a lighthearted Christmas movie. "Our driveway is never gonna get cleared," you said, taking a sip of your hot cocoa. As soon as Soap heard no one was coming to clear the roads and you wanted the driveway cleared, he started pulling on his winter boots.

"Where are you going babe?" You asked from where you were sitting on the couch bundled in countless blankets. "Goin' ta shovel our driveway Bonnie," he replied pulling a beanie over his Mohawk and a simple hoodie. When you asked why he simply said his hen deserves a clear driveway. "But I'm not going anywhere. No one is," you laughed. "Besides it's too cold outside to do anything and really I was just complaining," you added. But Soap wouldn't hear of it. "If my hen wants a clear driveway, a clear driveway she's gonna get," he said, giving you a peck on the cheek and heading toward the garage to get the shovel.

After half an hour of Johnny shoveling the driveway you began to worry because it was so cold out. You knew it was stupid; Johnny had probably been through so much worse on the many missions he's sent out on but you still couldn't help but worry. It was cold and it had only gotten colder since he had been out there. You pushed the covers off and padded to the window where you could see Johnny. He was still going, shoveling the snow a foot at a time. Other than his breath billowing out in clouds you wouldn't even know he was cold. He was steadily clearing the driveway and you couldn't help but admire the view.

The thick muscles in his back stretched over tough sinew underneath the tight hoodie with every toss of the shovel. His biceps bulged under the sleeves and you bit your lip. It was no secret that John was an attractive man; you noticed the stares in public and the flirting in grocery stores. You weren't insecure by any means; in fact you found it comical that they made every effort to convince John to "give them a call". Johnny always rejected them; politely of course. Besides, you were the one he came home to.

You brought your mind back to the scene in front of you. Johnny was the greatest boyfriend you could ask for. I mean, who else would go out into the freezing cold to shovel a driveway for no other reason than you wanted it done? You truly hit the jackpot with Johnny. You saw Johnny stop and wipe his brow; you couldn't believe he was sweating considering how cold it was. You walked over to the kitchen and got a thermos out of the cabinet. You poured some of the hot chocolate into the insulated tumbler and screwed the lid on.

You made sure you were bundled tightly before opening the front door. Your feet crunched on the snow-ice mixture covering the ground as you made your way to your boyfriend. "What're you doin' out here Bonnie?" Johnny said, looking up when he saw you making your way through the snow. "I thought you could use this," you said, handing the thermos over. "You're too good to me," he said, giving you a kiss before taking the thermos and unscrewing the lid. "You're the one out here working," you replied. "It's freezing out here. I can't believe you came out here to do this just for me," you said, looking down at the now clear driveway.

"You're worth freezing for bonnie," he said, setting the thermos down and wrapping his arms around you. He slipped his hands underneath your coat and you squealed at the harsh temperature of his hands against your still warm skin. He pulled you closer to him, your bodies pressed together. "You know I can think of plenty of ways to warm you up," you whispered against his neck and he groaned. "You cannae tease me like that woman," he said, pulling you closer as if you weren't pressed together already. "Who said I was teasing?" You asked, looking up at him. You could tell by the looks in his eyes that it was going to be a long night for you.

[yoursweetwife]

Hey hope u doin good🙏 So I came up w an os idea (When i was supposed to study physics). So like imagine Xiao has a little polaroid pic of the reader in the corner of his mirror and like they're goin to a party or date and he like practices convos while lookin at the pic or at himself like "Hey Y/n, lookin good tonight- no that doesn't sound like me". He be fixin his hair and tryin again

"Hey Y/n you look really pretty tonight"

And imagine like Scara is his step bro and catches him during his self conversations with his mirror and imitates our voice so dramatically to mock or tease him

"Oh Xiaooiii~ thank you~ you look so handsome yourself mwuah mwuah kiss mee~"

Xiao would get embarassed but angry and be like

"Get out of my room"

I'm disappointed in this scenario, I hope you like it honey! I'm doing great, I hope you are too :)

Synopsis: Xiao is just getting ready to meet you, but his brother decided to stop him.

Warning: female reader, swearing, insults (not towards the reader), Scarа annoying stepbrother. bad english!!

Xiao hates parties, but if accepting Venti's invitation means meeting you, he's fine with it. More precisely, he is ABSOLUTELY for this idea. He had to go through almost all of his clothes to find something that was durable, stylish, but at the same time moderate.

Even after he found the perfect outfit, combed his hair, and brushed his teeth, the nagging fear in the back of his mind made Xiao pace nervously around the room. Although he was portrayed as a playboy, a handsome guy who broke girls' hearts, those who really knew him knew that Xiao sucked at romance. Everyone knows, especially Scaramuccia, who does not stop his ridicule even at night.

Xiao looked at the mirror, in the middle of which hung your photo. He leaned one hand on the wall next to the mirror and began to “practice” with the most confident voice.

“Hey [name], how are you... no. Hey baby, you look damn good today! Idiot, this is too much, you’re not even dating.” Xiao covered his face with his hands and almost screamed, but quickly stopped. I should have sought advice from Lumine, not Hu Tao.”

He remembered with annoyance this girl who was busy with coffins, and why he thought that she would help him with her advice.

“I need to show [name] that I’m glad to see her.”

After that, he put his hands in his pockets and smiled.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were coming to this party too, do you want to go outside? Too fast". He coughed into his hand and grinned, "I'd like to find a quieter place so we can talk more... uh... friendly?"

“Of course, honey, I will be very happy!”

A high-pitched, affected voice reached Xiao's ears: “[Name]?”

“Of course, silly!”

"Scaramouche!?"

He turned his head and stared in shock at the intruder.

“Why the hell did you come here?”

Scaramouche pouted and leaned against the wall.

“My home is where I want it to be, that’s where I go. Keep going, you're going to screw up anyway."

"Just get out of my room!"

«Darling, don’t drive me away!”

Scaramouche stepped closer, forcing Xiao to move away, looking at his brother with disgust:

“Let me kiss you!!”

“Go to hell! [Name] doesn’t have a voice like that.”

“Who cares, all the girls have it squeaky, like a rat’s – AH!”

“You are a rat yourself, a goat!”

“Decide who I am, a rat or a goat, a fool in love.”

Scaramouche held Xiao’s hands, not allowing himself to be pushed: “It’s because of the girl that you have become so flabby.”

“flabby?!”

“ONLY NOT IN THE HEAD!”

Xiao slammed the door in Scara's face and groaned in frustration.

I just lost time because of you. Silence greeted him outside the door. Xiao squinted and began to listen. Usually he kept breaking down the door.

“I agree, it’s almost seven.”

"What!"

His eyes found a photo of you smiling, holding the bouquet of flowers he gave you that day. Xiao can only hope that he doesn't screw up today.

[starlxghtss]

Okay, Idea: You know that scenario when a parent gets mad at their child so the kid plans to run away and leaves to live on their own, only to return back home after few hours.

Now imagine this with Peter & Yondu.

The Ravager captain once again scolds the little boy for messing up one of their raids, so Peter angrily runs to his room and throws his old backpack on his bed, stuffing his (few) belongings inside. Eventually, Yondu notices that he hasn't seen the boy for a while now and then Peter swaggers into the cockpit, catching few confused looks from the Centaurian.

"Hey, what'chu doin', boy?"

Peter doesn't even cast a look, stuffing some ration into his bag. Then he turns, smoldering his chest.

"I'm running away!"

Yondu stares at him for a second, wordlessly, and then throws back his head, a loud guffaw filling the room. Peter, in the meantime, just looks at the laughing captain and raises an eyebrow in confusion.

"Ohh, so that's how it's goin', huh?", Yondu mocks, "Go 'head, my boy, go 'head. Jus' ya run away. But I won't go lookin' for ya if ye get lost."

"I don't need you anyway! I don't need any of you!" The child said defiantly, crossing his arms.

The Ravager laughs once again, amusing himself about Peter's stubborn demeanor. He knows how soft and weak the boy is. The kid wouldn't even survive an hour out there.

"Ye really think so? Ye thinkin' a lil' humie like ya can wander 'round in space all by yerself? As soon as any of those guys see ya out there, they'll eat ya! Yer nothin' more than a snack to 'em!"

The boy screws up his face, replying to Yondu's taunts scornfully.

"You're the only ones here who wanna eat me!"

Peter picks up his bag, making his way to the entrance of the spaceship.

"If ye go through that door, ye'll never set a foot on 's ship 'gain, ye hear me, boy?", Yondu shouts after him but the boy already wants to leave, ignoring the captain's orders.

"I won't anyway!"

Peter walks through the forest nearby, just where the Ravagers' spaceship landed, and mumbles something under his breath.

"Stupid spaceship and stupid Ravagers... Pah, I don't need anyone of them! I can look after my self on my own!", The little Terran says to himself.

After all, he's almost 10 already. Practically an adult.

He doesn't need them. And he certainly doesn't need Yondu. This mean blue turd blossom, who always threatens to eat him. Peter will find a shelter, make a fire and care about food, easy as pie.

But as soon as the sun goes down and the boy still aimlessly strays through the thicket, with no shelter in sight, he begins to feel more and more uneasy. Soon, he gives up looking for a place to sleep and instead searches for some firewood.

But making a fire isn't that easy how he imagined and so the child sits all alone in the dark cold forest, freezing and shivering. And now that he ate all of his ration before, thinking he'll find something to eat out here, the boy begins to regret running away.

At the Eclector he had a warm bed, weird but acceptable food and he wasn't all alone in the dark without a source of light...

At least he had his walkman, right?

Peter zips up his bag, rummaging in it but falters, when he doesn't feel the device in it.

He couldn't have lost it, now could he?!

The boy starts panicking, searching for his walkman in vain but it had no use.

It was gone. And he feels so miserable. He is so cold, hungry and tired.

Just as he feels tears rising into his eyes, it hits him like a stroke. Peter runs as fast as he can back to the ship, hoping that it still stood there and then sees it in the distance in all relief. The boy comes to halt and his lungs are burning when he knocks on the metal hatch, yelling to let him in.

Suddenly, it slowly opens and Peter sees Yondu with a bright grin on his face as if the Centaurian would've known that he comes back.

"Lookie who's 'ere. Ya forgot what I told ya, boy?", The Ravager grins but Peter ignores his comment, knowing exactly where his recorder was.

"Give me back my walkman! Now!"

"Dunno what ya mean, kid", Yondu shrugs.

The boy peeks out and sees something light blue and orange sticking out of the Ravager's pocket.

"Give it back!", The child protests, his face turned crimson.

"Not before ye learned yer lesson. Ya wanted t' run away an' I told'chu there's no goin' back."

"No! Let me in! Please!"

But the hatch already closes and Peter is left there, standing in the cold and the hunger is still tormenting him.

Additionally, he hears some scary noises in the distant forest and the boy's heart drops in fear. Peter starts hammering his little fists against the hard metal, crying.

After a while, Yondu stands up from his seat and opens the hatch, only to find Peter pressed against the wall, shivering and teeth chattering from the cold, hopelessly buried in his way too thin leather jacket.

"P-please, let me in... I'm s-so cold and I'm hungry...", The poor child whines, teary green eyes meeting Yondu's.

The Centaurian leans down to him, putting on a mock pitying look on his face.

"Ohhh, that ain't my problem, ain't it?"

"P-please. I'm... I'm sorry", Peter mumbles.

"What was that?"

"I'm lost without you, I-I can't deal with it on my own", the boy confesses with an ashamed voice.

Yondu grins satisfied and Peter stands up, entering the spaceship with his head downcast.

Looks like the Terran brat's learned his lesson.

"Good boy. Guess ya ain't as stupid as ye look, boy", a blue hand roughly ruffles the child's hair and the hatch closes.

"Tullk!"

"Capt'n?"

"The boy 'ere 's hungry and cold. Take care of it an' make sure he doesn't do anythin' else stupid", Yondu shoves the boy to Tullk, who casts a surprised look at both of them.

"Aye, Capt'n."

Tullk lays a hand on Peter's shoulders, leading him to the ship's canteen.

"C'mon, Pete. Yer lucky, we've still got sum leftovers."

"Thanks, Tullk..."

With that, the Ravager takes off his own leather coat, throwing it over the shivering boy's shoulders and Yondu pretends he hasn't seen that, turns and makes his way to his private quarters.

He knows exactly that they like the boy more than they'd admit and if Yondu was honest to himself, even he couldn't imagine a life on board without the little Terran anymore. A thought, that makes the corners of his mouth twitch secretly.

[milkviolets]

𝐀𝐕𝐑𝐈𝐋 𝐋𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐄 / 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

i think this might've actually been the first cd i ever owned. i can't remember if i got it as a gift, or if i bought it myself, it was so long ago. for yeas as a child, this was my absolute favorite album to listen to, and i remember cowering alone in the corner of my closet, holding my dolls while listening to it. i still remember that dreary little apartment. it's kind of insane that this album will be 20 years old next year !

𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍 ( 𝐉𝐀𝐍𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝟏𝐬𝐭, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟒 ).

‘  I cannot find a way to describe it  ’

‘  I wish that it would just go away  ’

‘  What would you do if you knew ?  ’

‘  I can't handle this confusion  ’

‘  Come and take me away  ’

‘  I feel like I am all alone  ’

‘  My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you...  ’

‘  If I show you, I don't think you'd understand.  ’

‘  Something just isn't right, I can feel it inside.  ’

‘  I'm living a lie  ’

‘  When I'm alone, I feel so much better.  ’

‘  When I'm around you I don't feel together  ’

‘  This has gone on so long  ’

‘  My heart is broken  ’

‘  You held my hand and walked me home  ’

‘  You wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears, why did you have to go ?  ’

‘  Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love  ’

‘  Guys are so hard to trust  ’

‘  Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl ?  ’

‘  Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you this time ?  ’

‘  Don't try to tell me what to do  ’

‘  Don't try to tell me what to say  ’

‘  Don't think that your charm and the fact that your arm is now around my neck will get you in my pants...  ’

‘  I'll have to kick your ass to make you never forget  ’

‘  I thought I liked you a lot, but I'm really upset.  ’

‘  So get outta my head, get off of my bed !  ’

‘  I've done no wrong  ’

‘  Any thoughts of you and me have gone away  ’

‘  I'm better off alone anyway  ’

‘  There's not much goin' on today  ’

‘  I'm really bored, it's gettin' late  ’

‘  He wasn't what I wanted  ’

‘  He never made me feel like I was special  ’

‘  I think it's time for me to bail  ’

‘  He isn't really what I'm lookin' for  ’

‘  I'm not afraid of anything  ’

‘  I don't need much of anything  ’

‘  How does it feel to be different from me?  ’

‘  I am young and I am free  ’

‘  I get tired and I get weak  ’

‘  Would you comfort me ?  ’

‘  Let's talk this over, it's not like we're dead...  ’

‘  Was it something I did ?  ’

‘  Don't leave me hangin'  ’

‘  You were all the things I thought I knew  ’

‘  You were everything that I wanted  ’

‘  All this time, you were pretending.  ’

‘  So much for my happy ending  ’

‘  You've got your dumb friends, I know what they say...  ’

‘  They tell you I'm difficult, but so are they !  ’

‘  Do they even know you ?  ’

‘  It's nice to know that you were there  ’

‘  Thanks for acting like you care and making me feel like I was the only one  ’

‘  He was everything that I wanted  ’

‘  Well, I couldn't tell you why she felt that way...  ’

‘  I couldn't help her  ’

‘  She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  ’

‘  Be strong now  ’

‘  She's losin' her mind  ’

‘  I'm givin' up on everything  ’

‘  Don't know how much you screwed it up  ’

‘  You never listen  ’

‘  You were the one that was wrong  ’

‘  Don't patronize me  ’

‘  Have you forgotten everything that I wanted ?  ’

‘  There's no point in thinking about yesterday  ’

‘  It's too late now, it won't ever be the same.  ’

‘  We're so different now  ’

‘  If only I could run away  ’

‘  Why do you look so familiar ?  ’

‘  I think I'd like to get to know you a little bit more  ’

‘  I'm gonna live today like it's my last day  ’

‘  How do you always have an opinion ?  ’

‘  We don't need anything, we're just wasting time.  ’

‘  Be yourself, who are you?  ’

‘  If I had my way, I'd never get over you.  ’

‘  I don't wanna fall to pieces  ’

‘  I just wanna sit and stare at you  ’

‘  I don't wanna talk about it  ’

‘  I'm in love with you  ’

‘  You're the only one I'd be with 'til the end  ’

‘  I wanna know everything  ’

‘  You should know by now I won't listen to you  ’

‘  I won't compromise  ’

‘  Stand up for yourself  ’

‘  I miss you so bad  ’

‘  I hope you can hear me...  ’

‘  The day you slipped away was the day I found it won't be the same  ’

‘  I wish that I could see you again. I know that I can't...  ’

‘  Won't you wake up ?  ’

‘  There you go, somewhere I can't bring you back...  ’

‘  Every now and then, we all want something, even if there's no way of gettin' it.  ’

‘  I don't wanna always have to be so nice  ’

‘  I always get what I want  ’

‘  You don't want to see me when I don't get what I want  ’

‘  I'm not about to take no for an answer  ’

‘  It could start to get ugly  ’

⠀༌༙ ⁎ ཾཾ ུ⁎

[albertayebisackey]

Tuesday 26th September 2023 - "I'm Sick Of This Bull****. Screw You Guys, I'm Goin' Home!" - Kenny , South Park

[leopardmask-ao3]

NHH 2022 Day 16: Allium Assurance

Link to the challenge Today’s Word is: Trick or Treat Flowers Characters: Stress, Jevin, various other hermits in minor roles Season: HC 6 Other tags/warnings: Vampires, Word Count: 803

Summary: Garlic flowers are well known for warding away vampires. No one knows of any vampires on Hermitcraft... so why is Stress so keen on packing her ice castle full of the flowers?

Read it on ao3 or

MumboJumbo bled to death<Grian> help <impulseSV> ??? <Grian> somethins wrong witkl <falsesymmetry> you good? Grian bled to death <falsesymmetry> guess not <Tango> what is happening?? <cubfan135> you guys might want to move away from the shopping district <renthedog> I might know what's up <renthedog> I am investigating <PythonGB> don't do anything stupid dude <renthedog> oh yeah he's here <Tango> who??? <Stressmonster101> it's safe in me castle <3 renthedog bled to death <PythonGB> oh dear <Docm77> Ren! <Xisuma> what in the world is happening <GoodTimeWithScar> Guys? Why are their names red? <PythonGB> listen to Stress <Docm77> Ren isn't replying to messages... <PythonGB> he' <Xisuma> Python?? PythonGB bled to death<iJevin> ok that's concerning <Xisuma> I have never seen that death message before <Xisuma> and now four times in one night?? <falsesymmetry> what's with the red names, X? <Xisuma> that's the thing <Xisuma> it means they're unavailable <impulseSV> Unavailable? <Xisuma> They haven't respawned. GoodTimeWithScar bled to death<iJevin> oh shit <cubfan135> DO NOT ENGAGE <cubfan135> ConCorp's defenses and magic weren't enough <cubfan135> vex magic in our bloojk; <Welsknight> Cub D: cubfan135 bled to death <Stressmonster101> get ere NOW <Welsknight> yeah this looks Welsknight bled to death<falsesymmetry> right Stress I'm on my way <Tango> how worried should I be right now <ZombieCleo> you don't bleed so probably fine? falsesymmetry bled to death <iJevin> oh SHIT <Tango> !!! <ZombieCleo> okay so maybe a little worried for everyone else though <Tango> zed please tell me you're at one of your weirdo bases in the jungle or something <Zedaph> desert one yeah impulseSV bled to death <Tango> impulse <Tango> oh <iJevin> we might be screwed

-

Stress waved Jevin inside. "Is that everybody who's coming?"

"I think so, yeah."

Stress led Jevin to a sizable room deeper in her castle, decorated heavily with purple glass and allium flowers, where Xisuma and Joe waited and Doc paced.

"This must be everyone," Doc agreed anxiously. "Whatever's killing us even took down Falsie with barely a fight! How many of us could possibly have gotten away?"

"There are a few hermits who didn't feel the need to come here for security," Joe replied. "Tango and Cleo, of course - Jevin, I'm surprised you dropped by, although of course there's nothing wrong with that - and then Zedaph, TFC, and Iskall have all found safety in their own homes."

"I fink Iskall's comin' here, actually," Stress corrected.

Joe perked up. "Oh that's fantastic, then! Hopefully he makes it here with all his blood where it's supposed to be."

"Yeah," Stress answered absently, poking through some chests. "Better 'ere than goin' for somebody else, that way I can deal wiv 'im."

"Wait," Xisuma realized. "You said deal with him?"

They were interrupted by an angry hissing near the door - not the single rush of air of a creeper, but something harsher, somehow both more human and completely inhuman.

"That'll be 'im, then. Ah!" Stress finally found what she was looking for: a wooden sword. "Right, I'm going out there."

Jevin eyed Stress's choice of weapon skeptically. "Do you... want some backup?"

Stress unfastened her allium flower crown and looped it around her neck. "I got a handle on this, fanks! You can come along if you want, though, seein' as I don't fink 'e'll go for you. Here, hold this."

Jevin took the allium offered to him. "Uh. Okay."

Stress strode out to the entrance of her castle. There, the two of them saw... Iskall.

He stood at the doorway, not approaching further. His right eye was red, and there was a reddish glow behind the diamond in his left. As Stress came closer, Iskall bared sharp fangs.

"Iskall is a vampire??" Jevin blurted.

"Yep." Stress walked right up to him. Iskall made a motion as if to lunge, but halted some distance from her neck. Stress rolled up her sleeves, showing off another allium tied around her right wrist like a bracelet... then plunged the wooden sword directly into Iskall's heart.

Iskall let out another hiss as he vanished. Stress breathed a sigh of relief and returned her allium necklace to her head with a pin. "An' that's that. I hate to do it, but sometimes 'e just gets like that."

"What." Jevin stared, dumbfounded. "What just happened. What about the other hermits?"

"Oh, now that the vampire what drained 'em is dead, everyone will have the chance to respawn normally," Stress explained. "Includin' Iskall himself. 'E'll feel kinda hungover an' probably really guilty, but 'e'll be actin' normal again for a while."

"How did you know that... any of this would work?"

Stress laughed. "Are you kidding me? Wiv how long I've known Iskall? This ain't the first time this has happened. It's 'alf the reason I keep so many alliums around, besides the fact that they're pretty. Gotta be careful when you're neighborin' a vampire!"

[wyrmguardsecrets]

You are such a fucking disappointment. Your work is sloppy, inconsistent, you do not care who you hurt, your 'corrections' are half hearted and your attitude is that of a petulant child. Fuck you, I really believed in you, but I'm not helping anymore. Screw you guys, I'm goin' home.

-

[crestfallen-infatuation]

Ayy

I ain't perfect, but anything I did to any of you n*****, y'all deserved it

You see me in that mode, don't disturb me when I'm workin'

Lil' bitch you better back up, don't know what be in these purses

And I ain't say, "Excuse me, " 'cause I did that shit on purpose, yeah

You see a star up in this bitch

You know I brought a hunnid black cars in this bitch

Knees freak, I don't like nobody touchin' on my shit

So you know I had to bring my own bottles in this bitch, ayy

Ridin' by myself, shoppin' bag in the backseat

N**** with the money to they ear don't attract me

Fly out the country, let a prince n**** bag me

Nympho, wanna do a n**** pockets nasty

Bitches hatin' on me, but it's cool, n***** love me

Body bangin', I ain't had to let the doctor cut me

Sick of bein' humble, 'cause you bitches don't respect that

And the next one of y'all hoes wanna get bold, I'm gon' check that

And the next one of y'all blogs wanna spread lies, I'm gon' sue you

And the next bitch that break my NDA, they goin' for you too

Now listen to me, 'cause I'm givin' you bitches a warning

You gon' have to pay me forever tryna be corny

Ayy, I'm from the city of the drink sippers, slidin', ridin' paint drippers

Bitches so bad, got the famous n***** stage dippers

Poppin' all the music, so you know I'm kinda screwed up

Wrist so icy, turn a drank into a cool cup

Goin' through so some shit, so I gotta stay busy

Bought a 'Rari, I can't let the shit I'm thinkin' catch up with me

If they say the see me outside of a bookie, then that was kizzy

Barely be at home, but I still put on for my city

Damn, where the real bitches at?

I'm finna bring real bitches back

Where's all the real n***** at?

Free the guys, bring the real n***** back

Damn, where the real bitches at?

I'm finna bring real bitches back

Where's all the real n***** at?

Free the guys, bring the real n***** back

How many more ways can I say that I'm the baddest bitch?

I walk in and bitches grab they n**** , that's a compliment

'Cause you know in his head he wanna spread me like a condiment

He want me to make that glizzy disappear and swallow it

You know I keep it realer than real, ain't shit 'bout me fraudulent

They take all the hate that they got for me and they market it

When they shit ain't poppin', they usin' Megan for marketing

And they ain't got enough in they budget for me to talk to them (no)

I know you hoes wish that I would get down and stay down (I won't)

Bitch, make a move or keep that shit up on the playground

'Cause I ain't finna stop until I make it to the tin-nop

And I do everything that all my haters said I could not

And it look like a sign just be slidin' on my wrist watch

I hope that you ain't shoppin' when I'm shoppin', you get kicked out

I gotta watch my back, 'cause I forget that I'm the shit now

I walk up in the studio pissed off and lay that shit down

Matter fact, wait, stop, bitch, I really rap

I be quick to check you pussy bitches like a pap

Kill a bitch, all I need is a pencil and a pad

Let me get the beat, so they remember who I am

[phantomenby]

Could you not

Anonymous asked:

the boys having their eyes on someone who they first plan on feeding on but then while kinda stalking them the reader gets harassed by some guy and before they know it the reader is absolutely beating his ass but not even like . normal fighting,just absolutely animalistic type shit and they are shocked that a human can look that freaky just cursing and going hamthey realize that they now gotta find a way to befriend reader bc damn

yeth here u goe <3

You were on your last leg. Today had been hell.

First you had woken up late to the sun blinding you and your room feeling like a sauna. Then the shower broke mid-way through and you had to screw it back on as it sprayed into your face.

The bus never arrived. Not late, not early. No it just didn't show up and you had to find out the driver had mysteriously vanished the night before.

And work. Work. Work was hell, you did not get paid enough. As if the massive amounts of people visiting from the summer wasn't bad enough, two people had also fucking vanished.

You were sure the missing board by the oceanfront was as thick with posters as it was wide by now.

And you boss was a dick, lecturing you even as you were trying to serve customers their drinks. When you spilt coffee onto your pants he damn near fired you. Like it wasn't his beer belly that thwacked the mug off the side of the counter.

Breathe. Just breathe.

Hopefully, it would pass, and you would be able to relax at last. Or you would head down to the gym and punch something til your fists bled. Either option would suffice.

You had to go home first. You still stank of that damn coffee.

-

Now you were freshly showered and changed into some dark denim jeans and a cropped pink shirt, your abdomen peeking out and enjoying the soft summer breeze caressing your skin.

It was soothing. But you were still tense.

When your neighbour, Bernard, saw you he asked if you wanted to come burn off some steam with him down at the beach. But you were sure if you saw any of those damn surf nazis you would have broken one of their jaws.

No. You would rather go to Johnnys downtown, there you could pummel someone who wouldn't testify against you in court.

You had been walking for no more than a mile, feet thumping on the concrete path towards your destination. Turning you headed down the wide alley you always passed through, it cut only five minutes from your walk but it meant you avoided the little bakery you adored and spent far too much money in.

Your bank account had already taken a beating from buying a whole new bed, last thing you needed was debt by pastry.

"Hey! Buddy! Where ya goin'"

Why, just why. Why. WHY.

The thing that had begun to follow you was a rather, grimy man. He stank, you thought it was just the usual mystery alleyway stench but now you knew the true source.

You began walking faster, determined to escape any kind of confrontation.

"Hey I'm talking to you-" a hand grabbed your arm and you reeled away from it, gagging as the full stench of him overwhelmed your sensed.

"Christ-" you stepped back, shuddering at the leery gaze thrown your way, "take a bath before you go round harassing people man."

Oh he didn't like that

"The fucks that supposed to mean?!"

You flinched as spit spewed from his mouth, turning to walk away, "it means you stink."

A fist hit your back and you froze, turning with a manic expression.

"Did you just punch me??" as if it could even be called that, you had baby cousins who could do more damage.

He swung again and you dodged, listening to him egging you on in an attempt to rile you up.

Unfortunately for him you were very much already riled the fuck up.

"Fine, you wanna fight?" you pushed him back by the shoulders, making him stumble back.

"That all you got bitch?"

You shook your head, "nope", then your fist swung away, hitting his jaw leaving a burning bruise you were sure would be yellow by the end of the day.

He didn't stay still for long, clearly unable to tell when he was outmatched. Instead, the guy went towards a large bin, reaching in and pulling out a plank of damp wood.

Ew.

He held it in front of him like a sword and you stared befuddled, what did he want? To duel?

"What is this?" getting straight to the point, watching as his eyes flickered between you and his weapon.

"Its wood"

Christ.

-

Marko was bored, and so Paul was bored, which meant Dwayne was unentertained and also bored. David didn't care but he would follow his mates anywhere, figuring whatever they came up with to do would provide him some entertainment.

So they followed their curly-headed friend. Who insisted on ditching the bikes and practising his jumping skills on the roof tops of downtown Santa Carla. Why they didn't know, since they could literally fly anywhere and everywhere they wished to go.

"Why are we doing this?" Dwayne watched as Paul scaled an old redbrick building, claws making dust fly off the wall as they dug into it.

Marko shrugged, swinging upside down on a lamppost, "why not."

The brunette sighed, sitting down and letting his legs hang over the side of the building he was stood on, silently praying for his friends to fall and get hurt in some miraculous way.

A soft breeze was drifting around the town, and Dwaynes hair was already mussed out of its neatness, and he had only just cleaned it. He huffed, looking around for something to do. David was pulling little stones out a wall with great interest, inspecting them for a minute or so like a curious child before tossing them towards the street where he knew cars were parked. The other two were no better.

It passed again, and he tucked his hair into his jacket so it wouldn't tickle his nose. By doing this he had exposed himself to the mysterious smells carried with the wind, but the worst it would do was expose him to new scents.

Something sweet passed by, and he twitched, taking a sniff. Marko glanced at him, arching a brow.

Dwayne shook his head, he hadn't caught it strong enough, the wind was moving too fast with the incoming storm. He waited, hoping it would come again.

And it did, much stronger. Whoever it was, whatever it was, was bleeding. He stood, nose pointed up and Paul cheered.

"Go on blood hound! Find something tasty!" Dwayne growled, shooting Paul a sharp glare. His attention was quickly taken away as another gust passed and he began to move swiftly along the rooftops, his brothers following eagerly.

He led them just a few streets down, perching on a fire escape above an alleyway where two figures were tussling poorly.

"Well well, what do we have here," Paul bent over the railing, eyes gleaming as he watched the two. It was clear where the tasty scent was coming from, the one who wasn't covered in shit and piss, nothing could get through a scent that pungent.

-

"Ready to give up?" you were a little out of breath, at this point the gym was unnecessary, beating up this little shit had burned way more energy than you expected.

You got only a groan in response, watching as the figure stood hunched with his palms pressed to his thighs.

He shook his head and you rolled your eyes, fists raised in front of you, "bring it on then, bitch."

The man roared, eyes wide as he sped towards you, mouth open.

What the fuck-

You spun out of the way of his biting teeth, teetering back and almost falling on your ass. The last thing you expected from him was to resort to using teeth.

Looking around you spotted the wooden plank from earlier, now battered from the guy swinging it into the ground whenever he missed you, only hitting you once before you had kicked his hands making him drop it.

"Oh fuck it-" you picked it up, wincing as a splinter pierced your skin, "you've left me no choice pal."

You raised the weapon, swinging it down on his shoulder when he ran at you again, wincing at the loud wail he let out. He didn't deter though, returning to his speedy approach, never wavering as you rained blows down upon him.

What on earth was he on.

The guy was invincible, and you were debating asking him for whatever must be running through his veins to make him last that long.

"Would you just cut it out-!" you lifted your arms slightly, and the wood struck, hitting harshly against his skull. He fell, body landing on the hard ground like a sack of flour. "Oh shit."

You were definitely going down for murder. Walking towards him you nudged his side with your foot, he didn't even twitch.

Reaching down you felt his neck, searching for his pulse. It was there, weak but strong enough.

"Oh thank god"

Looking around you saw you were alone, the streets bare and no one driving by. Surely you could walk away, no one would be surprised at another drunk ending up beat up.

Something creaked from above and your head snapped up, meeting empty air. Nothing. There was nothing there, just some old rusted fire escape.

With one last glance at the man you grabbed your bag, throwing a ten dollar bill on him and swiflty exiting the end of the alley you had entered from, trying to hide your bruised fists beneath the end of your sleeves.

Your anger had been replaced with anxiety, but you could deal with that.

You could feel eyes burning into the back of your head and turned one last time, glancing around at the buildings. They were still empty, probably abandoned like a good chunk of the buildings along the back streets. Still, you couldn't shake the feeling of not being truly alone.

-

"Well damn" Paul had been watching like a hawk, he and Marko cheering the little human on in their minds as they fought the drunk. It was pretty entertaining, though they were surprised when you began by holding back.

Not that they knew you were until you finally started beating the ever-loving shit out of your harasser.

Even Dwayne was pretty happy with the nights events. He shared a look with David, who smirked, looking in the direction you had left from.

"Come on boys, I think we just found a new toy to play with"

Marko whooped, grabbing Paul and pulling him to the sky with him, eyes brighter than they had been in a while.

And you, poor human you, had no idea what you had brought down upon yourself.

[celestialholz]

Celestial Live-Reacts: STP 2.3, 'Assimilation'

In a truly inhuman feat of self-control, I have absorbed absolutely zero spoilers for this week, so I know nothing aside from the fact that Q's in it! This has literally never happened in my life!

Let's roll, my darlings...

- Agnes in the back like doo-doo-doo, just a lady doing engineering things - Nice try Seven, bless you <3 - Oh, the missus is fuming - Niiiiice phaser effect - Ah, the overt symbolism of the missus shooting the ex, we love to see it <3 - Nooooooooo, my son! - Ouch - Not her son - Oh shit, hello king, that's very on-brand of you turning up out of nowhere like that <3 - "This is the only kind of life you understand - shall we see what else has been lost in the wake of your fear?" "Q -" aaaaaaand he's gone... - ... He's fucked up with that Borg decision hasn't he - Is that what Picard's fucked up? Was his other self too frightened of the possibility of assimilation? - Borg Queen = pancake queen lmao - Oh dear oh fuck - @the comms, we love you all but the Queen's making you look like cadets - Three speeds: here, there and gone - ... What on Q's earth... and titles! - This theme song gets better every time I hear it <3 - "Welcome to the Earth of the twenty-first century." I swear to the fucking Continuum, if she discovers TikTok... - Picard's face is my face at being part of this period of history - I love how we got a nice moment of exposition before gravity kicked in, terribly inconvenient of it really - Picard be like 'it's my future house and I'll crash into it if I like' - "Can't. Busy at the moment, with organs." A precious angel <3 - I'm with Rios for the second week in a row - kill her to death my guy, Q will deus ex machina you home ;) - Is that on Etsy? Because I'd buy it off Etsy - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - Not mine and Raffi's son, oh my god T_T - Why do I get the feeling that this is going to progressively happen through the series, until it's just him and Q left to fix this shit? One of them fighting for their own life, one of them fighting for everyone else's, as they also try and save each other simultaneously? - Beautiful Picard Speech #47920, and Seven is having none of it - 'Intense shock and disappointment in leadership' - ouch - "Why has all of history been changed? Because of Q." Good luck taking him down angel, that's all I'm saying lol - "For decades, you've played games with whatever Q is... because that's what the two of you do, right? You joust, you screw around with people's lives for sport." ... Oh wow. What a fascinating comparative - once again, we're holding up a mirror... they really are two halves. Fuck. <33333333 - "No, Raffi - that's what he does." Is it, though? Is that not what this whole thing is, that you're only a wrong decision away from being just as chaotic? - ... It's like they've flipped. Q now seems to be the one trying to maintain order, I... damn - "It's impossible to determine whether we're existing outside of temporal causality -" "Jurati." Mummy is not amused... - 'We'll revive the Queen' 'Are you sure though' - honestly, valid - "So, to be clear - wake a queen that could kill us all, beam from a ship with no power, and find the Watcher, who may or may not exist." "That's it, Rios." ... Good plan, glad we cleared that one up lmaoooo - Are they losing faith in him? - "They rarely spoke audibly - but a thought would be shared instantly with every Borg." *shudder* - "I felt an intense euphoria, but no sense of my existence." *double shudder* - "But me, she'd take in seconds." "But not me." Oh honey no - Amen Picard, fuck that noise - "I believe the technical term is 'for shit'." His cynicism uplifts me daily looool - 'Hot People Getting Dressed', the best kind of montage <3333 - "Do I still look like a fascist bastard?" "Fascist, no - bastard..." lmaooo - Bless you again for trying, Seven - "Halfway to Hell is still not a recommended destination" is my new tagline - Is this about to be crew member number two who's suffering for Picard's decisions? - The Watcher's going to be Q or Guinan isn't it - He didn't tell them what he and Agnes were doing - Surely this is a trap. There were even similarities between them mentioned last week, there's no way this isn't a trap - ... Is this electronica California Dreamin' in my Star Trek - GTA V: Confederation Edition - "Are you a superhero?"

Adorable <3 - Cristobal Rios everyone, reminding me of that time when I switched to Trevor on the edge of a bridge in the same city and had no choice but to immediately kill him - ... 'No hospitals'. ONE JOB MY GUY, ONE JOB - Give it back, foolish child >:( - Reverse mugging! Hurrah! - "Wonderful ambassador, up against the backdrop of hope meets hopelessness. You're killing it, 2024." ... I would like to officially apologise for the state of us ancient idiots - I wish he was my dad too T_T - Oh, my god. This is genuinely fascinating to watch - "Why don't you tell me about feelings and the last time you had one? Oh you pretend to have feelings to avoid having feelings, how awful must it be to feel what you've -" damn. 'Through a mirror darkly', yeah? We just keep holding up that glass... - "She's getting stronger, now - no longer just observing." Ohhhhh dear - "Locutus." Oh would you look at that, it's a trap - ... Well that went terribly - "My girlfriend and I were looking to capture an image." <3 - "Kevin is not funner than me." lmaooo - This relationship genuinely has more set-up than him and Agnes - "Cool story" lololol - That kid is not old enough to be watching Rick and Morty lmao - "Something that hurts you to lose." "We lost someone dear to us for you." "Is this how you negotiate?" Borg Ice Queen - ... Ohhh, that is his fear - This Queen sounds remarkably Q lmao - "Dictate the file logged 'Shit I Stole From the Borg Queen'" *applause* Beautifully done dear. Keep that up and I'm going to end up liking you - "You've impressed me." Oh shit - He's so honourable, bless him - ... No reading, Admiral. No reading... ... Holy fuck.

Celestial Rating: 8.5/10.

Despite the tragic lack of Q, a slick, cleverly done ride with plenty of mirror imaging. I remain ridiculously impressed by this series. #RIPElnor #HopeThatGetsReversed

[the-astral-idiot]

Voice Lines for Vexx

this is valorant related lolololo

Ability Voice Lines

C (Blast Adhesive):

"Sticky bomb!"

"Blastin!"

"Dodge this!”

Kill:

"Gotcha!"

"Boom!"

"Got stuck, didja?"

Q (Thunderclap):

"throw grunt"

"Let's make some noise!"

"Deafening!"

Enemies Found:

"Hit one!"

"Hit multiple!" (Multiple Enemies Found)

"Damn, I found all of them!" (Entire Enemy Team Found)

E (Boost Bottle):

"Hurry up!"

"Let’s go, let’s go!" (Splash)

X (Mobile Brewery):

"I'M GOIN' ALL IN!" (ally)

"Y'ALL BETTER TREAD CAREFULLY!" (enemy, Vexx is defender)

"YOU’VE MADE YOUR LAST MISTAKE!" (enemy, Vexx is attacker)

Kill:

"Fumigated!"

"Keep it coming!"

"Woosh! HaHA!"

"WwwONderful!"

"The brew is flowin'!"

Character Select:

"Bless their hearts, they don't know what they're up against."

Match Start:

"They ain't gon' survive messin' with me."

"Now I wonder, what brews am I gonna use?"

"With me here, the field is ours."

"If y'all need a boost, wait for me."

"Split them up? Easy."

"If I use my brews, y'all have gotta back me up."

"I feel bad for the enemy team. Not that bad, but still."

"Ooh, they ain't gonna have a fun time!"

Round Start:

"Never walk into the adhesive until it dries."

"If we had the time, I would brew more."

"They figured out a plan yet? Great! Time to screw with it."

"Be prepared to cover y'all's ears."

"Anywhere they're going, I can block their path."

"Don't wait long. My brews are always prepared."

"They want to advance? Please."

"Seeing them skedaddle from my brews is hilarious."

Last round in the half:

"Spend it all. Nothing's coming with us."

"Buy, buy, buy. Nothing's coming with us."

Match Point:

"The finale. I reckon we take it slow and enjoy it."

"Final showdown. Let's enjoy it as much as they ain't."

Come-back win last round:

"Shows them."

"I don't care if we fight till the cows come home, we gon' win this."

Win streak:

"I’m almost out of brews! Almost."

"Let's make their attempts at catching up slow and painful. We can't get cocky."

General Win:

"The results are in and I'm feeling good!"

"Y'all doing great! Keep it up!"

"Fighting hard, but the victory make it worth it!"

Before barrier drops:

"Here we go."

"Y'all ready?"

"Gear ready."

"Brews ready."

"Nervous? Don't be!"

"Starting research..."

Spike-Related:

Nobody grabbed the spike:

"Uh, hello? Main objective laying there!"

"*Sigh* Y’all'dn’t’ve left the spike behind…"

Defusing with little time:

"C'mon, c'mon!"

"I've been in more stressful situations..."

"So close, can't fail now..."

Defused:

"Done."

"Finished."

Resuming defuse:

"Now hold your horses!'

"Away you go."

Other:

"Spike guy down." (Ally spike carrier killed)

"Dropped." (Spike dropped)

"Got spike." (Retrieved)

"Here you go." (Planted Spike)

"There it is." (Enemy Spike Spotted)

Spotting enemies:

"Found someone."

"There they are." (multiple)

Almost died:

"I've... survived... worse..."

"Move, Vexx, c'mon..."

Resurrected:

"No downtime for me!"

Kill:

"Sorry!"

"Down you go."

"Killed one."

"One gone."

"So long."

"Ha."

"Unfortunate."

Melee:

"How? I don't know."

"No gun, no problem."

"Stabby."

Headshot:

"There it is!"

"Woo!"

"Nice!"

Multi Kill:

"Popped the third!" (Triple)

"Checked off the fourth!" (Quadra)

Last Kill:

"Research over!"

"Bye bye!"

"All gone!"

"Bam!" (Melee)

"Surprise!" (Melee)

"Wow, you suck." (Melee)

"That's all y'all got?" (Killed Enemy MVP)

"Aim a lil’ better, maybe you’ll hit somethin’!" (Killed Enemy MVP)

Round End:

Thrifty:

"Saved up and we still won!"

"Reckon I should just bring a bottle?"

Clutch:

"I ain't runnin' any longer."

"I'm slicker than an oil spill!"

Flawless:

"Aw, did we make it too hard for y'all?"

"Un-fortunate!"

Ace:

"I need to stock back up!"

"Drinks on me, just like this win!"

Match Win:

"Woo hoo! Try again!"

"Sorry we're too good!"

"Bless your hearts, y'all really thought you could win?"

"All done? Aw. Was just having fun."

MVP:

"Ta-da."

"There ya go!"

"Who needs help? You know where to go!"

Runner-up:

"Damn good. Could be better."

"Good enough for me!"

"Alright, that's fine enough."

Socials:

Hello:

"Sup?"

"Hey!"

"Howdy!"

Yes:

"Mmhmm."

"Sure."

Thanks:

"Thanks!"

"Why, thanks!"

Sorry:

"Whoops."

"Sorry."

No:

"Nah."

"Mm-mm."

Commend:

"Pretty sweet!"

"Niice!"

[askthekuroshitsujiguys]

*Ciel voice* Screw you guys. I'm goin' home.

Mun: I can imagine him saying that whenever he’s with Sebastian.

[imagineclaireandjamie]

I'm in desperate need of fluff and things outside this ridiculous shit going on in the world! Would one of or all of you amazing writers PLEASE write a fluff piece? Baby Fraser's? Baby MacKenzie's? Just something happy and not in the least bit tainted with the destruction of our actual reality. Thanks!

Murtagh on the Ridge AU

“Sorry,” Roger apologized as he shifted Jem down from his arms and hiked the empty game sack higher over his shoulder. He touched the knife at his belt and the bag with their midday meal slung over his other shoulder before nodding to himself, his mental checklist complete. “Bree just wanted to––”

“Aye,” Jamie interrupted with a raised hand. “It’s the lad’s first time on the hunt––”

Murtagh scoffed but Jamie ignored him.

“––I ken why ye’re late. Let’s no waste any more time or we’ll no be reaching home again till dark.”

“If we were goin’ a proper hunt it wouldna be an issue,” Murtagh muttered. He adored Jem in small doses but spending an entire day with the three-year-old without his mother to pass him off to when he got fussy wasn’t Murtagh’s idea of a productive way to spend the day.

“It’s how you and Da started me and Willie,” Jamie reminded Murtagh. “Or do ye no stand by yer own methods?”

“I wasna so old then as I am now. I had all the time in the world to waste on yer blatherin’ about the woods and scarin’ off the worthwhile game. Now…” he sighed as the ground began to tilt beneath their feet, the incline getting sharper and his breath coming dearer. “Now I should prefer an easier hunt––home in time for luncheon and an easy afternoon cleaning and butchering followed by a nice bit of fresh roasted meat for supper.” He practically smacked his lips at the thought.

“That being so, checking the snare line isna exactly a difficult task though it can be as tedious as waiting for a decent size stag to come along. Can yield more meat than a poor day’s hunting too, and ye ken that well,” Jamie teased.

“I wan Grandda carry me,” Jem complained already bored with walking.

“Now Jemmy,” Roger began to lecture but Murtagh interrupted.

“Jamie, carry the wee lad or we’ll ne’er catch nothing.”

Jamie beckoned for Jem to toddle over then got down on his knees and lowered his voice. “Tell me what ye see wee man.” He swept his hand and his eyes around the undergrowth. Jem’s eyes watched his grandfather intently then he got down to his knees and mimicked the movements at a much faster rate.

“Do ye see where our path lies?”

Jem screwed up his mouth and narrowed his eyes before pointing in a random direction. “Tha way.”

Jamie took the little hand and drew it a few inches to the left. “Do ye see the way through the trees there?” he asked. “Tha’s the way our line of snares is set.” Rising to his feet once more, Jamie surprised Jem by taking hold of him under the arms, swinging him up over his head, and finally settling the lad on his shoulders. Jem laughed loudly while Murtagh rolled his eyes and continued along their route, muttering under his breath. “Might be easier for ye to see it from up there,” Jamie said with a firm hold on Jem’s feet, keeping him safely in place.

Jem’s fingers wormed their way through Jamie’s hair clutching large clumps and treating them like reins. “Go, Grandda,” he instructed, pulling hard and making Jamie cry out. Murtagh laughed and Roger scolded.

“Go easy on him, Jemmy. Grandda’ll no let ye ride there again if ye pull his hair out at the roots.”

“What sorts of game to ye think we’ll find in our snares?” Jamie asked. They were making better time to the first trap and despite his head start, Jamie and Jem soon passed Murtagh on their way.

“A stag!” Jem exclaimed. “Like a one ye caught when it was before it rained that time.”

“Well, I caught that one wi’ a bullet from my gun, no a snare,” Jamie explained. “A stag would have little trouble getting free of a wee snare bein’ so big. What sorts of stews and pies do yer mam and gran usually make when I’ve come back from the snare run?”

Jem draped himself over Jamie’s head trying to peer down into his grandfather’s face. Jamie had to stop walking to look up at him, laughing. “Rabbit an’ squirrel an’ peasant an’––”

“Aye,” Roger cut him off, chuckling. “And those are the sorts of animals we’re like to catch today.”

“If we’re lucky,” Murtagh muttered. “Now hush. We’re comin’ up on the first trap and ye dinna want to make matters worse if ye’ve got a scared or injured animal tha’s got nothin’ to lose.”

“Why?” Jem whispered loudly in Jamie’s ear.

“Just because a creature’s caught, doesna mean he’ll no fight ye,” Jamie whispered back. “When ye play wi’ Germain and the lasses and one of ‘em catches ye, do ye no try to get away again and keep playing?”

“Isa animal gonna bite ye like Joanie bit Germain when he pulled her hair?”

“It’ll probably try,” Roger informed Jem.

Murtagh was inching closer to where the snare had been set, a stick in his hand pushing back some of the surrounding brush to see if he could find it. He finally looked up shaking his head.

“Tripped it but didna catch the wee fiend,” he told them as Jamie set Jem down and they got closer.

“Do ye ken what we do now?” Jamie asked Jem.

“Go the next one?”

“First, we need to set this one again. Now, I’m going to take it slow so ye can watch but ye’re no to touch. When we get back to the house we’ll see if yer grannie can spare some of her string for ye to practice yer knots with so next time ye can help set one yerself.” Jamie’s hands moved with practiced ease even as he tried to go slow.

Roger clapped Jamie on the shoulder before joining Murtagh and offering him a bit of cheese from the pack he carried. When the snare was just about finished, Murtagh and Roger started off ahead of Jamie and Jem.

“Jemmy, what say we see if we can track the way they go?” Jamie suggested.

“But they goin’ tha way,” he pointed.

“Aye, but we’re no goin’ to look at them,” he remarked taking his hand and using it to direct the lad’s head to the ground. “Look there––do ye see that? See the shape there? Who do ye think left that?”

“Da! There’s nother one,” he exclaimed following the footprints Roger had left in the soft loamy forest floor.

“And here––see how this is broken here? Tha’s Murtagh’s doing. He’s doin’ it to mark the way we come through so we can find our way back easily if somethin’ happens.”

Roger and Murtagh had stopped up ahead suggesting that this second snare had succeeded in catching something.

Jamie held a finger to his lips and Jem covered his mouth to suppress a laugh. They crept up on Murtagh and Roger but Jem’s giggling gave them away. Roger pretended to be surprised but Murtagh just frowned at Jamie then went back to staring at the creature rustling behind a huckleberry bush. It hadn’t given up trying to free itself so it had probably be caught recently. They saw flashes of black fur but couldn’t make out what it was.

“Seems bigger’n a hare,” Murtagh commented, his arms crossed over his chest. “Bit of fight in it too.”

“He’s stuck,” Jem observed sadly.

Jamie took up a long stick to try and poke at the huckleberry bush and get a better look at the creature they’d caught. “We need to take care. What’s the one Claire said ye should be wary of when it’s out in the day?”

“The one wears a mask,” Murtagh nodded.

“Raccoon,” Roger confirmed. “Could be one of them.”

“I’ma let him go,” Jem declared rushing towards the bush.

“No!” the three adults hollered as Jem struggled to push the branches of the bush out of his way and they got a better view of the squat black and white body of the creature who suddenly felt threatened.

“You guys are back earlier than––Mother of God, what’s that smell?” Brianna called as she pulled her arm from the laundry tub and buried her nose in the crook of her wet elbow.

“I don’t think we need to ask you what you caught,” Claire remarked, blinking away tears as the smell made her eyes water. “The real question is how many of you did it get?”

“Jem bore the brunt of it, I’m afraid,” Roger said apologetically. Jem was curled up against his chest, his clothes and hair still wet from an attempt to wash the smell away in the river. “We all tried a wash but I dinna think it’s done any good.”

“There’s not much that does help, I’m afraid.” Claire approached Jamie warily, her nose wrinkling as she got closer. “You’re sure Jem got the worst of it?”

“I was closest to him and tried to get him away,” Jamie explained.

Claire moved on to Murtagh. “You’re not too bad.”

“Jamie makes a fine barricade to hide behind,” he responded in much better spirits than the others now that they were finally home. “Is there naught ye can do for the stink on the wee lad?”

Jem had clearly cried enough to thoroughly exhaust himself yet still looked close to tears. Brianna inched closer and Jem opened his arms, eager to be taken and comforted by his mother.

“Bonjour Monsieur Le Pew,” Brianna greeted him as she took him from Roger and cradled him against her chest. With Jem’s face safely nuzzled against her neck, she started making faces at Roger, wrinkling her nose and trying to breathe through her mouth before mouthing to her mother, I can taste it, ugh.

“Monsieur Le Pew?” Jamie asked Claire quietly.

“I’ll explain later,” she whispered back.

“Didn’t they say that when a dog gets sprayed by a skunk you’re supposed to bathe them in tomato juice?” There was a hopeful note in her voice as her eyes slid from Claire to her vegetable garden by the side of the house.

“It’s an old wives tale that we’re not going to bother with,” Claire put her foot down. “We’re not wasting the tomatoes. All it does is mask the odor for a while but there’s no getting rid of it I’m afraid. Only time will help with that.”

“Time and a good airing out,” Jamie amended reaching over to take Jem from his mother’s arms. “Well, Jemmy, I think we’re goin’ to be sleeping outside tonight. Dinna want to be bringing the skunk smell indoors do we.”

“But whatta ‘bout the animals?” he asked warily.

“They’ll no want to get too close wi’ us smellin’ like we do. Yer da and I’ll show ye how to make a proper camp and sleep under yer plaid and the stars.”

“And if it’s all right wi’ you, Claire, I’ll sleep in my proper bed tonight,” Murtagh made his appeal.

Claire sniffed at him again and frowned. “You’ll have to stay in your room and keep the window open.”

[legitimatecacti]

fuck it i'm gonna watch valiant